#'i want this person to like me so i'm gonna be nice to them' <- this is not manipulation. this is just interacting with people.
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vinnyvin-thevincent · 2 days ago
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I actually love that you're talking about this! Jayce's trauma is very overlooked, especially the long-lasting effects. I wish it was explored more, or that the writers added in a 4th Act to season 2 so that Jayces trauma could be expanded on, as well as his reaction to being around Mel in this new light.
Ultimately, I think he's overlooked BECAUSE people hated him in season 1. I was always an enjoyer and defender of his character and arc, he's actually been my favorite character since season 1 came out, but I think he's been reduced to "Oh traumatized man hot :0" because there's not a lot of critical thought into his story. A lot of people were neutral if not hating him, so people turning it around and saying "he's interesting now" just because he's now suddenly "hot" is the most they're allowing themselves to like him.
The perception of Jayce is that he exists only in reference to Viktor and Mel's plots. "Jayce's time in the cave taught him that he loved Viktor" no, he already did. He put Hextech, his life's work, on the metaphorical backburner FOR Viktor.
His hallucinations of Viktor and Mel didn't seem sweet to me, it didn't seem like a "deciding my boo" moment. He seems sad and angry, and he's realizing that he blames them just as much as he's blaming himself. Though this nuance isn't allowed to see the light of day because "unlikeable pretty boy is now sad and hot" mindset.
It's a shame, honestly. Now I'm not gonna be a hypocrite, I've watched and even made thirst edits of Jayce, back in season 1 and season 2. I personally think men look better with facial hair and beards, so does he look more attractive to me like that? Yes, but that's not the reason I'm obsessed with him. That's not the reason he's my favorite character. His story of building something to better the world, despite how much people wanted to shut it down, he persevered... only for the apocalyptic end of the world to be brought on by his very hands and his very obsession. He is the only one who saw this future, so he must fix it.
It's a tragic story, and one that is very very overlooked because "man look at his boobs" (look, he has a nice rack but be serious).
I dunno, I hope I'm adding good thought here. But his time in the cave/ravine is dehumanizing and breaking. Humans are social pack animals, and isolation is detrimental and can actually cause brain damage. The only reason I genuinely think he was functioning is that he was stuck in survival mode. When he got back to his timeline, he stayed in survival mode. He rushed to the Commune and shot Viktor. He found Caitlyn and hurried to Piltover to prep for the incoming war because he KNEW that wasn't going to be enough. He kept moving, kept moving, kept moving. It was the only way to stop the incoming destruction.
Tldr: You're right, I've noticed this too, and I'm more than HAPPY to discuss and focus on his arc with you
Random Thoughts on the Arcane Fandom about Jayce
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this is gonna be a mess but I have nowhere else to talk about this.
I've recently noticed how Jayce Talis has been subjected to all kinds of sexualization since the drop of Act 2 of the second season. People have mentioned many times how trauma has made him "hot". A good and well-known example of this is Danny Motta's reaction to episode 5, where he said, "Holy shit, they made Jayce hot! [...] My dude went from looking like a Muppet to the king of Rohan, and all it took was a little bit of trauma."
This isn't entirely new for him? If people didn't hate Jayce back in S1, they ogled him in the scene where he works on the Forge shirtless, which IS kinda the point because the animators are making him very obviously attractive. But most importantly, he as a character has been reduced to his sexual or romantic relationships since the beginning of time.
It seems that S2 is a response to this in a way. His arc from the ending of S1, where he took responsibility of his actions out of guilt for the child he killed, was slightly set aside for Viktor. Well, ALL of his life, dreams, decisions, everything about him was eclipsed by Viktor's shadow because of the whole "all times, all possibilities" twist. He wasn't expected to show up as a Councilor in any of the meetings, and we must assume he quits at some point, but he surely hasn't resigned from his position by the time Viktor wakes up. Apart from that much needed scene between him and Cait, and the one where he attends the memorial (and is attacked by a vengeful mother), we don't see many of his decisions or what leads him to make them, other than Viktor. This is beautiful in a way because we can SEE how it is a trauma response to losing him. He is obsessive by nature, and he clings to what keeps him and his loved ones safe excessively, but I still had to do a bit of mental gymnastics as to why he went back on the second promise: to not build Hextech weapons again. (Hint: it has to do with the fact that VI saved him with HIS weapon, but it went so fast it's hard to process in the first watch.)
Now back to the sexualization problem. Every time I look up his name and trauma, or PTSD, 95% of the results are thirst edits on Tiktok about how hot he is. No joke. One of the more serious results is my own edit. Of course, a lot of people connect with his suffering without naming it as trauma, and that is great. My concern is that there has been so much focus on Jinx's trauma, Viktor's trauma, even Silco's trauma (which are all valid and fascinating to explore), but there's less attention for other characters who clearly show how their own traumatic experiences has shaped them. Vi, Caitlyn, and Jayce are some of the clearest examples of this, and they've experienced some truly heinous things in the show. Trauma cannot be compared, ever. But why is it that Jayce, who lived through an apocalypse that HE knows HE caused, and lives in complete isolation except the "company" of metal watchers, to the point that he loses touch with reality, and is changed so irrevocably that he loses the naivety and starry-eyed optimism that has always defined him...is seen as hot? And more importantly, why is it that there is very little attention to his experiences on that cave? Every scene between him and Viktor is uploaded in 1080 HD quality, but the scenes of him alone? Fighting to survive? Showing remarkable resilience in the face of his suffering? No, that's not as fun. Not a single one of those scenes is uploaded fully, and I have checked many times. (Some people have actually skipped those scenes to focus on Timebomb. I'm...)
I went online and looked up "why do people sexualize traumatized characters" because let's face it, it's real, it's interesting, and I cannot judge or else I am a hypocrite. Bucky Barnes, Loki, Ellie Williams, Dean Winchester, Vi herself, the list goes on much longer but I can't think of others off the top of my head. We connect with their suffering, and we are pulled by their experiences.
However, Jayce is such a complicated case because he is usually thought of as the greedy himbo that fumbled two baddies, or the confused bisexual, or the guy who lost it because of a situationship (much like Vi, who DID NOT lose it because of a failed romantic endeavor bfr). And then the plot goes and tells us, "Actually, yeah, his life outside of Viktor doesn't matter, he's not even supposed to be alive, because Viktor saved him. All of time is completely inextricable from Viktor." People hate meljay because she manipulated him and "trapped" him in a relationship or something, only to celebrate it when something suspiciously similar happens with the male romantic interest? I initially thought it was beautiful too, bc Soulmates, but man. Mage!Viktor really left the man he loved to rot in complete isolation, eating raw reptiles until throwing up, losing his mind. Say what you want about the allegory for Viktor's life, at least Viktor's isolation was metaphorical up until the Glorious Evolution.
Despite us being shown this, people make thirst edits of him in his black fit, and fighting with sexual tension with Viktor. I fear...that I am the only one who finds this tragic. The man forced to create a larger than life persona to sell his work and be seen as an attractive pawn of the system, has become the attractive pawn of the narrative. Viktor's narrative.
Perhaps Viktor was forgotten by the world. But Jayce's kind heart, and brave soul, were forgotten by us.
Just some thoughts to chew about my favorite character and my wish that more people focused on his arc with me
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vampiriito · 2 days ago
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Summer was my first love (JJ Maybank x shy! kook! reader) part 1
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A/N: Hi loves! this is my first fic and i just wanna let you know that I'm open to any criticism, but i want you to be able to nice at the same time. This is inspired by my favorite author on here the lovely @featherandferns, her fic daylight was so good and i read all the parts in less than 2 hours. With that being said the plot is completely different but i recommend checking out her works too because she's very talented! this might be a bit long, i wanted to write a slow-burn. Let me know if i managed to do that (┬┬﹏┬┬)
Summary: After getting locked into a closet with a kook girl, JJ Maybank comes to the realization that his animosity towards the spoilt people living on Figure Eight doesn't have to apply to every single one of them.
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"Fuck! Seriously?" JJ Maybank's blue eyes meet yours through the frame of your glasses as he sneers at the door which was now shut. Leaving you both stuck together in this small cramped closet. If you weren't panicked cause of the claustrophobic tendencies of your stupid brain, you definitely were now.
You were alone with your 3rd grade crush, and he had no idea, you were a kook, (which he hated,) and one hell of a wallflower person. You've been watching him from a far since you were 9, and it got a little weirder once you could walk around freely and just... take pictures with your camera as your hobby flourished. You were now, glancing shyly between the door and his face, 'he's probably feeling weird being stuck in here with a complete stranger.' you thought to your self, making sure to stick to your corner of the closet.
"What’s your name?" He demanded, his arms crossing over his chest as he leaned against the wall, his eyes flicking over you, studying you. Of course, he would ask that right away, JJ could be direct and kind of an ass most days. And he felt like if he wasn't gonna ask, you weren't gonna speak up first.
Of course he didn't know your name, he wasn't bordering on creepy stalker most days like you were in your free time. Across these years you managed to gather a lot on JJ surprisingly, being quiet and so reserved got you very far, going almost invisible when you went out. It didn't help you were a shutterbug, always taking pictures and people watching, "Y/n.." you responded softly and weakly, adjusting your glasses.
He raised an eyebrow, studying your face for a moment. That name sounded familiar, he could swear he'd heard it before somewhere, the only question was where.
"You're a kook, huh? I should have known." He grumbles, running a hand through his messy dirty blonde hair. You looked so.... soft, and it somehow made him scoff. He hated your kind more often than not, and here he was, stuck in a closet with one.
You nodded, frowning gently. You were aware of his hate and animosity towards the people living on figure 8, but you weren't exactly the picture perfect image of a snarky preppy kook girl. Or so you liked to think anyway.. He looked even more beautiful up close, more defined than what you usually saw through your camera lenses when photographing him. 'Suddenly i feel like a creep being here..' you thought, playing with the hem of your baggy sweater.
His eyes flicked down to your hands as you fidgeted with your sweater, his lips curling up into a subtle smirk. 'How can someone be so shy?' he thought to himself, wondering why you were so nervous.
"You look like you've never talked to a human before." He comments, letting out a soft scoff, and you flinch gently, your eyes snapping up to meet his. He noticed this and his smirk grew a little wider, enjoying that he was able to fluster you.
That's the most JJ thing he could say to someone like you. "i.. well, i don't talk usually." you face palmed internally at the way your words came out. You had the chance to come off as something you weren't given he didn't know you, and you weren't doing a very good job at it. You could've faked being confident and charm him, yet here you were talking like you never had anything to eat in your life.
He lets out a soft scoff as he watches you stumble over your words. There was something he found so weird about you, you were so… different from everyone he encountered on a daily basis. You were shy, quiet, and awkward, not like the sarcastic and arrogant persona that most kooks had. But, he tried to shake the thoughts away, he didn't need to be thinking about you this way, of all people.
"I can tell.." he responds, his accent ringing through slightly as his smirk turned into a slight frown.
There was an awkward silence that fell over the two of you in the cramped closet, the music that played throughout the party muffled by the thick walls. JJ glanced around for a moment, almost bored before his gaze settled back on you. His blue eyes studying you intently, trying to figure you out. The frown on his face remained, 'Why are you so shy?' he thought to himself, biting his tongue before he continued.
"What are you even doing here anyway? You don't seem like the type to be at a party.."
'Got dragged against my will by my very loud and obnoxious best friend here...' you thought to your self, the thought amusing you but of course not letting that mirror on your expression, "I'm sorry?" 'what? dumbass..' you scolded your self mentally. The question was loud and clear.
He raised an eyebrow as he looked you up and down for a moment, wondering if you always spoke in a quiet and awkward way, or if it was just because you were in a small, dark, and very cramped closet with a stranger.
"You heard me. I doubt you'd normally come to a party like this." He repeated, his frown returning to a small smirk as he pushed off the wall to take a hesitant step towards you.
Again, such a JJ thing to say. Your stomach jumped as he took a small step towards you, suppressing the urge to shift awkwardly. All you needed now was to look more awkward than you already were, you acted and sounded like a pathetic dumbass, in front of your childhood crush nonetheless. "i just ended up here.."
He took a few more steps until he stood a few feet away from you. He was towering over you, his 6’1 height compared to your, what he could only guess, 5.2 or 5.3 height. He had to admit, in some weird way, it was amusing being able to fluster you so easily. That was until he noticed there was nowhere really for you to go. The walls of the small closet caged you in, he was blocking your way out of the closet, unless you tried to push him out of the way.
He was quiet for a moment, just studying you as a small smirk returned to his face.
"There's nowhere for you to go.." he teased, taking another step closer, closing the gap between the two of you even more. He noticed you shiver gently and took note of it.
"Are you usually this weird with strangers?" you found yourself asking, surprising even yourself after the words left your mouth. 'caging me in like this wouldn't create a good first impression... he's just lucky I've been in love with him since i was 9.' you thought.
This time it was his turn to be surprised. He was definitely not expecting you to say something so blunt, you were full of surprises. He chuckled softly, taking another small step forward, effectively caging you against the wall. His smirk grew into a wide smile, his eyes studying you intently as he spoke.
"Only when I get stuck in a small crowded closet with them." He was now only a few inches away from you, his eyes studying your face. He was so close, you could take in some of his scent, which somehow matched perfectly with his personality. A mix of weed and the smell of the ocean and sunscreen. You could also now see little details in his face, like his freckled cheeks, and his jawline that looked hard enough to cut glass.
Being able to smell him was a pleasant feeling as weird as that sounded, his scent matching with the way he was completely. The small freckles scattered over his soft skin made you want to be able to take mental photographs. He looked breathtaking up close, even in the dim light of the closet. Like he was some kind of modern day demigod or some bullshit. You hummed gently, turning your body towards the door to try the door weakly, your hand wrapping around the door handle and shaking it with little to no force to actually get it open.
He chuckled at the sad attempt you made of trying to open the door, "It ain't going to open, believe me, I've already tried that." He said, his voice almost a murmur as he leaned against one of the walls of the closet, watching you struggle with the door. His eyes slowly traveled down from your face, down to your hips and to your beat up vans. Strange, he thought. He'd expect someone of your social status to have more expensive looking threads and shoes. Not like a librarian on vacation.
You side glanced up at him, adjusting your glasses. You felt absolutely wrecked, nerves and claustrophobia tugging at your sensitive stomach, it didn't help this closet was dimly lit and smelled like mold. 'What a great setting to interact in for the first time..' you thought bitterly, leaning your back against the wall opposite him.
He kept his eyes on your hips, letting his gaze rake over your body. He felt a weird and small pang of sympathy for you. You looked so small against the wall, and you looked like you were ready to jump out of your skin any moment now. It was different than when he usually had the unfortunate chance of speaking with a kook kid.
"Are you scared of small spaces or somethin' ?" He asked, his voice softer than usual as he spoke.
You nodded mutely in response, your expression probably resembling that of a deer in front of a truck. Sometimes you forgot JJ's voice carried a southern drawl to it, given he never spoke to you. You would hear him when he'd pass you in the school halls while talking to his friends animatedly or when he'd say something snarky in class to the teacher, his voice never directed towards you.
When you nodded, he mentally groaned. That was his luck. He ended up being stuck in here with a kook that was also terrified of small spaces. He let out a sigh, he would have to try and find a way to calm you down, since he was now stuck in this closet with you until whenever someone decided to let them out.
"How in the hell did you even manage to get yourself into a situation like this..?" He questioned, running a hand through his messy blonde hair.
You were asking yourself that question too, but i guess being so easy to push around wasn't really helping your case here. Truth was you were just a collateral victim of a prank which was meant for JJ, getting pushed into the small closet by mistake or just to make it worse for him by locking him up with a complete stranger.
You shook your head shrugging, chewing on your bottom lip nervously. You knew you had to say something, actual words at one point but your mind came up blank. Or your mouth wasn't able to say them out loud.
He let out another soft scoff, knowing deep down this was no accident. Some of his pogue buddies probably set this up just to screw around with him. Although, you didn't seem to know that. You looked genuinely clueless.
"My friends probably did this on purpose..."
He muttered, leaning against the opposite wall to you. He wasn't happy about this situation, especially not being locked in here with a girl for what could be hours. Which he would usually be elated about. But seeing you barely talked or moved, seemingly scared of loud sounds and sudden movements like a small animal, he was aware you weren't gonna makeout any time soon.
He looked you over again, his eyes roaming over your small and fidgety figure. In some weird way, he kind of felt bad for you. You looked so nervous and uncomfortable being stuffed in this dumb closet, and you looked like you didn't belong at this party in the first place.
"What were you even doing here anyway?... this ain't exactly a place a shy girl like you would go on your own free will..." he echoed the question once again, the curiosity and desire to fill the silence stronger than the fact that you were strangers.
"That's because it wasn't my own free will.." you spoke up in minutes of being almost completely silent, your voice small and weak.
He was both surprised and not surprised at your answer. He was surprised that you answered so quickly, but he could have guessed this wasn't your idea.
"Let me guess... one of your loud and obnoxious friends dragged you out here to try and get you to 'have fun'?"
Bingo! You nodded silently again, your eyes darting around his face taking in every detail, hopefully being able to recall every single one of them to draw or paint later.
He grumbled something under his breath. He knew it. From his experience, kooks were always so loud and overbearing. It was what he hated most about them, and yet, you didn't seem like that kind of girl at all... you were quiet and soft spoken, something he hadn't seen in a kook girl since... well, never really. "Figures.. can you not say no to them or somethin’ ?"
You stared at him silently, blinking as you raked your brain for what to say, your eyes narrowed just a hint. You were aware he usually spoke a lot but not this much. Or you were too quiet. You were also way too nervous to speak or think properly, having your lifetime crush speaking to you, like actually.
He was watching you intently, taking note of the expressions that flashed on your face as you tried to come up with an answer. You were obviously nervous, he didn't need to be a mind reader to know that. And there was something else about you... something he couldn't place his finger on. It was weird.
"You look like you're gonna pass out or something..." He commented, watching you closely.
You shook your head 'no', reaching to try the door again. You suddenly didn't feel so lucky you got this rare chance to speak and admire JJ shamelessly given you were stuck in a closet together. You were anxious and feeling like he could see right through you, see all the weird tendencies you had and judge you for being so pathetically in love with him for so long.
He chuckled softly as you tried to open the door, again and again. It honestly reminded him of a small animal trapped in a cage, frantically looking for a way out. Something about the way you were acting amused him. "There ain't no point trying to open it again, trust me, it's stuck good..."
JJ could tell you were anxious, and it was easy to guess why. It was probably terrifying being stuck in a small, dark, cramped closet with him of all people. And judging by how quiet and shy you were, this was probably one of the hardest social interactions you ever had.
"Jesus... can you even speak a full sentence?" He piped up after another few seconds of silence, his smirk returning to his face as he watched you struggle against the door.
You looked to the side, a small frown making its way on your face at his question. 'Not when you're so close to me that i can smell the sea salt water in your hair.' you groaned internally, still silent. You kept your eyes locked with his in the almost dark closet, scolding yourself for not being able to handle social interactions like normal people.
JJ's smirk widened at your expression, you looked like a kicked puppy, it was almost cute. He stood up straight, lazily pushing himself off the wall and slowly making his way towards you. When he was a few steps away from you, he stopped, looking you up and down with a hint of mockery.
"You're a real quiet thing, ain't ya?"
With a few more confident steps, he was now standing just in front of you, leaning his shoulder against the wall. He looked down at you again, his smirk still present on his face. You could almost feel the heat radiating off his body, him being so close. His ocean like scent mixed with the weed smell, filling the closet and making it even harder to breathe than it already was in here.
"You afraid of me or somethin'? "
"No.." your voice rung out without missing a beat this time, a soft and gentle sound as you frowned to your self. You were probably one of the few people who wasn't afraid of JJ. Years of following him from a distance and watching him closely took away the fear factor. If anything he'd probably be afraid of you.
JJ let out a quiet scoff at your answer, an odd response. He had expected you to be as afraid of him given the way you were acting. You were clearly nervous being in a small, dark, and cramped space with a man, yet you weren't afraid of him or his presence.
"You're an odd one then.." He said, his eyes roaming over you again, taking in your small, timid figure.
He was a few inches away from you, towering over your small frame. Being this close to you, he could see more details in your face. How your eyes were framed with small dark eyelashes behind your glasses, how your skin was unnaturally smooth and soft looking, and how your lips looked almost velvety, almost as if they were made of silk. In addition to that, your scent filled his nose now, mixing with his own and the smell of the closet. You actually smelled very good... which definitely wasn't something weird to be thinking. JJ found himself lost in thought the more he looked at you. You looked so... tender and yet the way you were acting, so nervous and small, you looked like a spooked stray dog. It didn't add up in his head, you were probably the first kook girl he had ever met that acted this way, it was making him curious. Just as he opened his mouth to ask something, a loud banging noise echoed from the other side of the door, making you jump slightly, surprised by the sudden sound.
The whole silent staring contest you both had going on was interrupted by a loud sound from the other side of the closet door, almost startling you to death given you were so focused on how beautiful JJ's eyes looked while he studied you intently. You sighed, squeezing your eyes shut for a second, adjusting your glasses and grimacing to yourself.
The sudden sound made JJ roll his eyes, whoever was on the other side of the door was clearly trying to be annoying.
"Oh come on..."
he grumbled, annoyed already by the person who was trying to interrupt. Before he could say anything else, the banging continued once again, this time twice as loud as before, making him grumble another curse underneath his breath. He was beyond annoyed now, a small scowl forming on his face at the constant knocking. He turned around, staring at the small closet door, his hands on his hips as he waited for the knocking again. He was about to say something, but just then, the door was suddenly swung open, making him nearly jump out of his skin.
He let out a surprised noise as he stumbled forward, nearly collapsing to the ground, but he managed to catch himself just at the last moment by grabbing the nearest thing which happened to be the closet wall, next to your head. His heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest, he was breathing heavily, the unexpected event nearly giving him a heart attack. After a few moments he slowly looked up, turning his head to see who had opened the door.
To say he looked surprised would be an understatement. Standing in front of him was none other than one of his pogue buddies, John B, who was smiling and laughing like this was the most fun he had in forever as he looked down at JJ. JJ quickly managed to regain his composure, standing up straight before speaking up:
"Are you tryin' to give me a damn heart attack, John B?"
You were just as startled as JJ was, for a second time in less than 2 minutes nonetheless. Your gaze shifted from looking up at JJ's side profile to the boy standing in the door way of the closet. John B, JJ's best friend since forever, someone you also saw on a daily basis while doing your... usual checking up on JJ. John B also probably didn't know who you were, and you wouldn't be surprised even in the slightest.
John B looked between you and JJ, a smirk slowly forming on his face as his eyes landed on the proximity between the two of them. John B leaned against the door frame, his arms folded over his chest as he spoke up, a hint of mockery in his tone. "Seems like you got yourself into a situation, huh JJ?"
JJ's eyes narrowed at his best friends tone, he immediately knew what he was implying. He shot him a small glare before speaking up, a hint of annoyance in his voice
"Can it, John B... it ain't what it looks like."
John B chuckled at his response, he clearly didn't believe JJ given the awkward and somewhat embarrassing situation the two of you were in. "It sure looks like it though. Locked up in a closet together, all alone. You two got up to anything in here?"
Your eyes darted between the 2 best friends, adjusting your glasses as your gaze landed on John B, his teasing words making your face heat up. The implication of getting up to anything with JJ was enough to probably give 9 year old you a aneurysm, "Excuse me?" you spoke up, trying to sound irritated at his words although you sounded so weak and shy you regretted speaking instantly.
John B chuckled again at your response, clearly enjoying making you both uncomfortable. The way you spoke was so quiet and awkward, it was almost laughable. JJ continued to glare at him, trying to non-verbally tell his friend to shut his damn mouth, but it obviously wasn't working.
"Oh... I see, there's a voice under there, huh? You sound like a damn mouse, girl.. can you speak louder than a whisper?"
He continued to smirk at you, now mocking the softness of your voice. JJ grimaced at what John B had just told you, a pang of guilt suddenly shooting through his chest. He didn't like the way John B was talking to you, in fact, he was getting a little mad that he was being so rude.
"She ain't gotta speak louder. Leave her alone." JJ spoke up, glaring at his friend once again, finding himself defending this stranger.
You looked down, scowling to yourself at his question, now definitely not speaking another word for the rest of the conversation, knowing you'd just slip away once they were distracted. Your finger pushed the frame of your glasses up and down, your eyes fixed on your beat up sneakers. This was certainly one hell of a first impression.
John B held his hands up in mock surrender, clearly enjoying the fact that he was getting both you and JJ annoyed. "Relax man, I was just messing with the poor mouse."
He joked, his eyes still on you, now watching your fiddling. JJ just scowled at him again, silently debating punching his friend square in the nose. The fact that he was making fun of you was bothering him more than it should. He was used to his friend making stupid jokes and being a dick, but he couldn't stand the thought of him mocking you, especially since you were acting nothing but polite and shy.
Mouse? you could see the resemblance i guess, with the small one word answers which sounded like small squeaks from the anxiety. Still, John B was being kind of a dick at the moment which caused your frown to deepen as you debated just making a run for it and disappearing.
John B chuckled quietly, not taking his eyes off you as you fiddled with your glasses. He knew he was being a dick, but he was just enjoying it too much. He suddenly had an idea in his mind, a way to further piss off JJ. With a sly smirk on his face, he spoke again, this time, directed solely at you, ignoring JJ completely. "So, mouse, what's your name?"
'Seriously? neither of them know my name?' you groaned internally, looking up to lock eyes with John B nervously. In moments like these you wished you had at least a bit of semblance of a back bone, and not just clam up like a dumbass, "Y/n.." you answered simply, your expression twitching slightly from having to repeat your name once again. You wanted to roll your eyes in annoyance so badly.
There was something about the way you said your name that made JJ's heart stutter in a way it never had before. It sounded almost magical coming out of your small lips, it was so... mellow, and yet so beautiful. John B's smile widened at your answer, obviously not expecting to get an actual answer and a name at that.
"Huh... nice name. Suits you." He said, his eyes roaming over you again, studying your face to figure out if he knew you or not. He came up blank, probably due to being tipsy.
JJ continued to stay silent, watching the interaction between his best friend and you. He was feeling a weird mix of anger and curiosity as he watched. You looked so much more fragile and unthreatening than he had thought. You were like a small cat, a cute but easily spooked cat. Or maybe a mouse, he wasn't sure which.
You felt awkward suddenly, the 3 of you going silent save from the music coming from downstairs after John B's comment about your name. You looked between them momentarily before stepping forward shyly to signal John B to move out the way so you could escape this weird and sufficiently awkward situation at once.
John B chuckled again as you stepped forward, his eyes following your every move. But just as you were about to slip out of the closet, he suddenly reached a hand out, blocking your way.
"Where do you think you're going, mouse?"
JJ furrowed his eyebrows at his friend's behaviour, he knew exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to annoy both of you, as well as prevent you from getting away. JJ had had just about enough
"Okay, that's enough John B. Don't you think you've teased the poor girl enough?"
John B sighed dramatically, pouting at JJ's annoyed response. He took a small step back, opening up the doorway once again "You're no fun. I was just having a little fun. Don't take it so seriously, JJ."
As much you enjoyed being in JJ's presence you hated social interactions and you wanted to just find your best friend to tell her that this was a bad idea and you should just skate home. So you took a final glance at JJ, before stepping out of the small cramped closet when John B removed his arm which was blocking your way hesitantly. But stepping out wasn't any better cause you were met with the party, still in full throttle, the music making your head feel weird, weirder than being stuck in a moldy closet with your childhood crush. There were less people on the floor you were on, but it was still crowded enough by drunken couples and some rowdy friend groups to make you feel anxious. This was most definitely a bad idea.
JJ watched you step out of the closet, a small pang of guilt shooting through his chest from knowing you were uncomfortable but now having no way to help the situation. He shot a glare at John B for the 10th time in the last 5 minutes through the doorway, silently warning his friend once again.
"You're a damn dick man. Why did you feel the need to be so rude to her?"
John B just shrugged, looking back at JJ with a sly smile as he replied "Because I thought it would be funny. Besides, I didn't think she'd answer me. I thought she was mute or something."
JJ grimaced, of course John B would find making fun of the shyest person he had ever met, fun. He pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning quietly. He took a deep breath before speaking up again:
"You really can be an annoying bastard, you know that? Sometimes i wonder how you even manage to speak with girls.."
You weaved through the mass of people at the house party, bumping into couples getting busy and grimacing in apology, trying not to stumble over your feet in the cramped space on the staircase. You quickly descended down the stairs, looking for your friend Maisy, to scold her for bringing you here in the first place. Suddenly, a hand on your shoulder stopped you in your tracks. A hand that you recognized, and yet dreaded at the same time. JJ had followed you, and was now stood next to you at the bottom of the stairs.
He gently grabbed your hand, stopping you from walking away. His hand was calloused and rough from years of surfing, yet warm. He spoke up, trying to get your attention over the loud R&B music blaring from the speakers. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
You tensed up from the sudden contact and because well, you thought someone else was grabbing you to pull yet another dumb prank on you, not expecting JJ to follow you and try to talk to you. You shook your head 'no' because as much as you wanted to spend time with him, you knew you'd just clam up and make it weird because this was JJ and you were you.
He noticed how tense you suddenly became once his hand touched you, he couldn't help but silently worry in his head. He wanted to sigh at your immediate response of shaking your head no, but he decided to persist a little more despite not having any reason to:
"Please? I promise I won't make fun of you or anything. I just wanna talk."
"Well, i need to find my friend." you find yourself speaking, although you weren't sure if he heard you over the music or the myriad of sounds and things going on in this house. Really, it was surprising how the neighbors hadn't called the police yet.
JJ leaned closer to you, trying to hear your soft spoken words. He could just barely make out what you had said, but he heard it enough. He looked around for a moment, searching for your friend but not seeing them anywhere in the crowd. But it was a given, since he didn't even know who he was looking for. "Where is your friend? I'll help you look for them."
You shrugged, because you had the same question. Where the hell was Maisy anyway? she disappeared and expected you to what? have fun and party? as if you could do that. Your eyes were fixed on JJ's face, the one you knew and loved through the years, anxiously shifting on your feet at the feel of his big hand still wrapped around your wrist, stopping you from scurrying away.
JJ could sense your anxiousness, he could practically feel the anxious energy coming off your small frame. He subconsciously let his thumb slowly and gently caress your wrist, an attempt to somehow soothe you, even if only slightly. He didn’t like seeing you so anxious.
He suddenly realized that he was still holding your arm, gently keeping you by his side and preventing you from slipping away in the chaos of the house party. He had forgotten in the moment. He looked down at his hand on your arm, "Maybe they went outside.."
You could call her! yeah, you could do that... but what if big mouth Maisy actually showed up and saw JJ Maybank, the dude you had been crushing on since you were a 3rd grader, holding your wrist and actually speaking to you? She'll make this awkward and run her mouth, possibly getting you rejected at the same time. So, you thought it was best to just let him speak to you and then leave you to look for her alone. "What do you wanna talk about with me?" you asked, still quietly, hoping and praying he'd hear you and that you didn't come off as rude.
JJ was a little surprised at the fact that you still stayed by his side after he suggested looking for your friend. He honestly thought you would run off. He mentally shrugged, taking the opportunity to talk to you even more. He turned slightly to look down at you as you spoke, leaning forward to hear you better.
His heart skipped a beat as he heard your quiet voice. That same feeling of both guilt and curiosity ran through him again. How could one voice be so soft and quiet, yet so beautiful at the same time? The thought confused and intrigued him.
He took a moment to register that you had asked him a question, the shock of you actually talking to him making his brain fry for a second or two. He quickly brought himself back to reality, realising that he had to reply.
"I just wanted to apologize. About John B i mean, he's a massive dick, no doubt about that. I told him off.."
"It's okay.." you mumbled smiling slightly, adjusting your glasses with the hand that wasn't in JJ's grip. You actually managed to hold the conversation normally, albeit you were still squeaking out your words.
JJ's eyebrows raised at your smile, his eyes widening slightly. He wasn't expecting you to smile as an answer to his apology, it was the last reaction he had expected. And yet, it was a welcome one. It made him feel better, deep down he felt guilty for his friend's behavior.
He stared at you for another moment, the hand he was using to hold your wrist moving once again, his thumb still slowly caressing your skin. He hadn't even noticed he was doing it this time.
JJ quickly snapped out of the little trance and cleared his throat, speaking up again. He didn’t want to make things weird and freak you out. He could feel John B’s eyes on him, he knew the bastard was watching him from the top of the stairs and silently giggling about the whole thing. He pushed down his annoyance, his eyes moving away from your face and around the room, looking at the other people gathered around them. "You said this party was your friend’s idea, right?"
You nodded silently, glancing around the room for your stupid best friend. You were gonna kill Maisy for disappearing on you like this, especially at a party of this calibre. You tried to ignore how JJ was still holding onto your wrist, now rubbing his thumb over your skin to probably soothe you. It made you feel more nervous and anxious, the urge to bolt even more strong now. You didn't wanna mess it up and make it awkward or worse come off as a creep by staring at him or saying something stupid, although the last part was impossible given you barely spoke.
JJ bit the inside of his cheek as you silently nodded back to his question. He was starting to realize how hard you were to talk to, how shy you were. It made him feel bad. He found himself wishing that he could just hear your voice just a little louder. It was so gentle. It made him want to hear more of it, but he had no idea how to get you to speak more without making you uncomfortable.
He quickly stopped himself from thinking any further, realizing that he was starting to sound like a creep in his own head.
They stood there silently for a couple more seconds, as JJ desperately tried to think of something to say to break the silence without making things weird. He could still feel John B’s eyes on him, silently watching the whole situation and probably having the time of his life.
"So...how come I've never seen you around at school before? "
He tried, even though he knew the answer. He just needed to get you talking.
Ouch. You saw him at school all the time, even took routes around the school just to get to pass by him in the halls and hear him talk so loudly to his friends and laugh. So the question stung a little. You looked up at him, shrugging your shoulders, narrowing your eyes and blinking a couple of times, your brain desperately trying to just block out the sound of the music which was making your lungs feel like they were being shaken up.
JJ mentally cringed as he saw the slightly hurt look in your eyes, he regretted his choice of question immediately. Stupid. Of course you were at school, he saw you at school, he just never seen you with anyone.
He winced as he heard that music change to something even louder. The constant music was starting to grate his nerves.
"Can we go outside for a second? I can't even freaking hear myself think in here."
Your brows furrowed, considering his suggestion. It was a good idea, you could call Maisy, maybe have a cigarette too and let your ears get a break from this loud music blaring in them. So you nodded hesitantly, glancing around one last time in case you magically spotted your best friend.
JJ let out a breath of relief when you nodded your head in agreement. He was glad he didn’t have to try and shout over the music anymore. He turned, pulling gently on your wrist to lead you toward the front door. He weaved through people, avoiding getting into conversations. He was determined to get you alone outside so he could talk to you.
Finally, they made it outside. JJ released your wrist as they reached the front door. He took a deep breath, enjoying the sudden lack of music and the relative quiet (well, aside from the still loud music coming from inside). JJ took a step away from you as he turned to face you.
"Thank god, I thought my ears were gonna bleed with that damn music in there."
'Yeah..' you agreed mentally once again, nodding with a small smile and adjusting your glasses as you stood on the porch, finally able to breathe fresh air, a stark contrast from the muted and sweaty smelling air inside. You needed to start saying words out loud, instead of just answering in your mind.
JJ leaned against the porch railing, stuffing his hands into his pockets. The air was much cooler outside, compared to the stuffy heat that was present inside.
He took a few seconds to study you as you stood across from him. The light from the porch made you look even more softer, if that was even possible. You looked so small in that moment, it made him wonder how you had managed to make it to high school.
He shook himself out of his thoughts, clearing his throat before speaking up again. He couldn’t believe that he was actually talking to you, and the fact that he hadn’t messed it up yet was a surprise to him. He didn’t want to think about how bad he would screw it up in the future.
"So uh...wanna explain why you were hiding in a closet? "
There. A question to get the conversation going. He mentally cursed himself in his head, realizing how stupid the question sounded.
"I got pushed in at the same time as you." You found the courage to speak yay! and not so shaky and quiet either. Maybe it was the fact that he thought you were just hiding in the moldy closet, like an actual mouse, which made you wanna defend yourself. That's what was missing from this situation, for him to think you were an actual dumbass who was hiding in a closet because she was afraid of party sounds.
JJ found himself chuckling, raising an eyebrow at your answer. He didn’t expect that particular answer, he was expecting you to say that you just decided to hide in the closest instead of socializing. But pushed in? He could actually believe that. "Damn. Got pushed into a closet with me? That’s gotta be some pretty shitty luck."
'I'd like to think it was kinda lucky of me to get pushed in with you, of all people...' you laughed internally. You glanced at him, tearing your eyes from the street in front of the house, narrowing your eyes at his words, but deciding to just stay silent. It was better than saying something to counter it or even worse.. to try and be funny and fail.
JJ’s eyebrows nearly raised at the sound of your small, quiet laugh. He hadn’t expected you to laugh at his joke, he was actually surprised that you had responded at all. That laugh was definitely enough to make him keep going to get that sweet, soft sound to come back.
“You know, you have a really pretty laugh..“ The sentence was out of his mouth before he could even realize it. He internally winced, hoping he hadn’t just made things weird by complimenting you. Not that he didn't compliment girls usually. If anything, that's how he managed to score in the first place. But in your case he wasn't trying to flatter you to get in your pants. He simply found you interesting.
You could feel yourself blush at his compliment, not realizing you actually laughed out-loud instead of just thinking about it in your head. You scolded yourself internally for reacting to such a casual sentence, he was just being nice after all, not asking you to marry him. "Thanks." you managed to mutter out quietly, hoping it sounded at least a tad bit grateful, and not rude and clipped.
JJ’s heart skipped a beat when he saw that adorable blush on your face. He had never seen you so expressive yet quiet at the same time since he'd met you less than an hour ago. He silently smirked to himself, now he knew how to make you blush. He mentally noted that fact down for later. The fact that you had mumbled out a simple “thanks” in response, just made everything even better for him. He would take anything you responded with, just so he could get you to keep talking and hear that angelic voice.
He shifted against the railing, his hand moving to his back pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes. He quickly took one out, putting it between his lips. He glanced down at you as he pulled out a lighter to light the cigarette.
He held the pack out to you, silently offering you a cigarette as well. Which as he did, he realized that it wasn't really the epitome of smooth or romantic. But he already had his hand out stretched. JJ was becoming annoyed at himself for overthinking his every move, feeling like he was losing his footing on a ground he'd navigated countless times.
A small amused grimace made its way on your face despite trying to stop it, silently debating if you should take a cigarette. You pulled out your own lighter, stepping a little closer, not too much to look weird, lighting his cigarette before taking one for yourself. 'Wow.. so confident, lighting his cigarette for him.' you quipped sardonically in your head as you lit the cigarette for your self and took a long drag from it.
JJ’s eyes widened a little in surprise when you stepped closer to him, so close that you could reach out and touch him, if you wanted to. He watched you flick your lighter on, a small wave of excitement rushing through him as you held the light to his cigarette. He leaned his head forward slightly, putting the other end of the cigarette to his mouth and taking a drag. He exhaled the smoke as he watched you light your own cigarette.
He almost laughed when he saw the small grimace that came across your face.
He took another drag of the cigarette, his eyes studying the features of your face. You looked so beautiful like this, in the soft light of the porch with a cigarette between your lips. It was enough for him to realize that he wanted to see you like this more - not just tonight but anytime he could.
He turned away slightly as he exhaled the smoke, trying to calm his thoughts once again. He didn’t know you and yet here he was, already getting addicted to being close to you and hearing you talk.
The cigarette was a welcome relief given the fact that you were on edge since you came to the stupid party, leaning on the railing and taking long drags to fill your lungs with the smoke, the nicotine swirling around in your brain. Here you were, smoking a cigarette casually with the guy you were pinning after for years. 3rd grade you would probably faint and break her glasses in 2 if she knew.
JJ silently watched how you exhaled the smoke that was going into your lungs. It was hypnotizing watching you do this, something about it just made him want to keep watching. It was just so oddly satisfying to watch you smoke. He knew it probably wasn’t, but he didn’t care in that moment. It was oddly pleasing in a way he couldn’t explain.
He took another drag, letting the cigarette sit between his lips as he spoke. "You smoke often?"
"Yeah.. helps with the whole social anxiety thing.." you nodded your words followed by a small dry chuckle as you side glanced at him, exhaling the smoke to the side to avoid blowing it directly in his face.
JJ couldn’t help but notice the little side glance at him. That action, for some reason, made his stomach flip and flutter like it had a mind of its own, the way your eyes fixed on him momentarily making him nervous for some reason. A small smirk formed on his face as he blew out his own puff of smoke.
"Social anxiety, huh?"
He took another drag of the cigarette, his eyes looking straight at you as he did. He chuckled slightly, he never thought you would be the type to suffer from social anxiety, mostly because of his prejudice towards your social status. You had always seemed so quiet and reserved, but he never assumed it was because of that. But, as he looked at you now, taking a puff of your cigarette and shyly glancing at him every so often, he was starting to realize that maybe social anxiety made sense. The thought made him realize that he really didn’t know you at all, and that he desperately wanted to change that.
He leaned against the railing once again, taking another drag from the cigarette as he decided on what to say next.
Before he had the chance to do so, none other than your best friend Maisy, burst through the front door, her eyes fixed on you and probably not noticing JJ at first, "Y/n/n! where have you been, girl? You just missed the whole ordeal with Maybank getting locked in a closet with some random girl. It was so crazy.. I looked for you so i could tell you all about it!" she gasped excitedly as she clasped her hands on your shoulders, her loud voice and sudden appearance startling you and JJ. She could not, for the life of her read the room. Ever.
JJ’s eyes immediately went from you to Maisy, he was going to attempt to make more conversation until your best friend burst through the door.
He stiffened at hearing his last name, instantly tensing at what Maisy had said, now staring at the strawberry blonde mess of hair when she stepped in front of him to grab your shoulders.
You cleared your throat awkwardly, glancing over Maisy's shoulder to signal JJ's presence, glaring at her subtly. You didn't want her to say something stupid and reveal your feelings by mistake and embarrass you in front of him. Maisy’s eyes suddenly widened as she realized that she had walked out in the middle of a conversation you having with someone. She followed your gaze and looked over her shoulder, noticing JJ for the first time.
She gasped as her eyes widened even more, her look of surprise quickly turning into a smirk as she glanced back and forth from JJ to you.
You shook your head as if to say, 'don't, i'll kill you.
Maisy, the best friend she was, completely forgot about the look you had given her and the silent threat you were trying to convey in seconds upon receiving it. She had suddenly realized that you were standing beside JJ by yourself, and she was about to take full advantage of the situation. She smirked at you and wiggled her eyebrows dramatically, silently teasing you in her own way.
"Maisy. Please." you widened your eyes, silently scolding her and desperately suppressing the urge to groan out loud. Maisy was well aware of your MASSIVE years long crush on JJ, and you knew she was happy about this, in her own way, of course.
Maisy’s smirk grew as she saw how you widened your eyes and silently begged her not to say anything. She knew how big of a crush you had on JJ and how long you had wanted a moment like this. She was going to make the most of this.
She feigned innocence, silently raising an eyebrow at you as if to say "what".
JJ glanced back and forth between the two of you, picking up on the tension that he couldn’t fully understand. He glanced at you, noticing the look in your eyes as you looked at your friend. He could almost feel the pleading in your eyes, silently begging her not to say anything.
He looked at your friend, catching the smirk that was on her face. He silently tried to figure out what was going on. What was going through the mind of your bratty friend in that moment?
Mimsy glanced at JJ, noticing the curious look he had on his face. She couldn’t help but tease her friend, this was a once lifetime chance and she wasn’t going to pass up on the opportunity to tease her just a little.
She continued her innocent look as she turned back to you. She smirked as she leaned her head in your direction, acting as if she was going to whisper something into your ear. But instead, she spoke loudly, making sure JJ could hear her too. She loved tormenting you just a bit too much.
"You're alone with JJ Maybank of all people. How does it feel?"
Maisy said, a sly grin on her face as she watched your reaction. She was enjoying messing with you and making a fool of you in front of the guy that you liked a little too much for her liking. She didn't care, she loved embarrassing you. It was a friend’s right to tease their other friend in front of a potential love interest, right?
"Embarrassing, given you're here now." you glared at her, probably the most expressive JJ had seen you since you started speaking in the closet. A small sigh escaped your lips and you barely contained the urge to face-palm dramatically.
Maisy let out a loud gasp, acting as if she was offended by your words. She put her hand over her heart, a dramatic look crossing her face as she spoke. She was really enjoying this just so she could get a reaction out of you, which in turn would get a reaction out of JJ.
“Oh, wow. You’re being a bit rude, aren’t you? I can’t believe you’d say that in front of JJ. So insulting.”
JJ let out a stifled laugh as your friend dramatically pretended to be offended. He couldn’t help but find her antics amusing as he watched the whole scene unfold in front of his eyes. But he really couldn’t help but notice the glare you gave to your friend. It was the most expressive facial expression he had seen you wear so far, and he had to admit that he rather liked it. There was something about you standing up for yourself that he found attractive, even if it was just in a small way.
"And also I'm gonna kill you for ditching me like that.. " you added quietly, slapping Maisy's shoulder teasingly even though you were still glaring at her.
Misy let out another gasp as you slapped her shoulder. She feigned a look of pain on her face as she dramatically winced and rubbed the spot where you had slapped her in a playful way. She let out a loud melodramatic "ow". Clearly she was just messing with you at this point.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ditch you. I just had to do something REALLLLYYY important." she countered, her words dripping with suggestive undertones rather than genuine apology.
"Like?" you raised one brow, feigning annoyance.
Maisy shrugged her shoulders slightly, trying her best to look innocent. It was all an act, and she was enjoying it so much. She loved getting a rise out of you just so she could see the way you reacted and how you acted in front of JJ. In another world, she would’ve been a professional drama actor with the way she was able to act so well.
"Just something..., you know. The usual. Important, fun, necessary stuff."
"You need to drive me home. I hate this stupid party." you put out your cigarette, sighing and groaning out loud this time as you adjusted your glasses, leaning away from the railing.
Your best friend laughed at your irritation. She knew that you hated parties and that you dreaded them, that’s why she’d convinced you to come to this one in the first place. It was just her way of being a good friend.
"Alright, alright. Stop being such a prude. I’ll take you home, you baby. Just let me say 'bye' to a few people first. You’re such a buzzkill, you know that?"
"Ugh Maisy.. you're just gonna take forever." you groaned once again at the thought of having to follow her around while she bid her never-ending goodbyes.
"I'll just skate home. Where's your car? i left my board in there." at that point, given how quiet JJ was you forgot momentarily that he was there, speaking freely and more expressively.
Misy raised her eyebrows dramatically as you mentioned skating home. If there was one thing she hated more than parties, it was your habit of skating everywhere. It was like you were allergic to cars. She let out a fake gasp and dramatically put her hand on her chest like she had been wounded.
“Skate home this late!? Alone!? You’re joking right?”
"Unlock the car. I can see it from here." you deadpanned, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible, nodding towards her car parked a bit messily on the lawn of the house.
Maisy scoffed and turned towards where her car was parked. She pulled out her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the car.
“Ugh. Fine. But if you get kidnapped or murdered, I’m not taking the blame. You’re such a pain, you know that right?”
"Bye... I'll see you tomorrow when you're hung over." you waved a hand in her face dramatically, the gesture sarcastic.
Maisy rolled her eyes at your sarcastic wave. She couldn’t help but smirk at how much of a pain you were being. She put a hand on her hip, raising an eyebrow at you in a sarcastic way.
“Ugh, thanks for that. I look forward to your sarcastic and overly annoying comments in the morning. See you, baby.”
With that she turned on her heel and walked back into the house, heading back into the party with a smirk still on her face. She was beyond satisfied with herself. She had pushed your buttons enough for you to be a bit more expressive in front of JJ and get a reaction from both you and him. It was one of her favorite pastimes to see you flustered and a bit irritated just at her presence.
The moment she disappeared inside, the only person left outside on the porch was you and JJ.
After Maisy had gone back inside, the porch suddenly felt much quieter than before. The only sounds heard were the crickets in the background and the muffled noise from the party inside. JJ glanced over at you, his eyes studying your face once again. He couldn’t help but notice the change in your demeanor the moment your annoying friend left.
As soon as your best friend left you were aware that you were alone with JJ again. You glanced at him adjusting your glasses nervously, "sorry about that.."
JJ couldn’t help but chuckle slightly as you nervously adjusted your glasses the moment you realised you were alone with him. He raised an eyebrow as he leaned against the railing of the porch once again, his gaze fixed on you.
"No need to apologize. Your friend is… something else.”
Back to clamming up like a dumbass you go. You nodded silently, a small apologetic smile tugging at your lips. You were going to skate home, but you weren't sure how to.. end the conversation with JJ? should you just leave? wave at him? no... that's too casual, he doesn't even know you. Saying bye felt pathetic.
JJ chuckled again as you fell back into your shy, nervous demeanor. He could tell that you were overthinking the entire situation in the moment, trying to find the right way to leave. He thought that you looked so awkward and nervous. It was almost cute how unsure of yourself you were.
He pushed himself off the railing and took a step towards you.
"You’re still gonna skate home?"
You hummed faintly and nodded, looking out to Maisy's car. You didn't hate the idea of skating home, given you had your earphones with you and you could just take a shortcut to your house from here.
He couldn't help but smirk slightly as you hummed weakly and nodded. He took a couple more steps towards you, closing the gap between the two of you completely. He stood right in front of you, looking down at you with a raised eyebrow. "Not afraid of being kidnapped or murdered like your friend said?"
"I skate at night pretty often." you stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, your voice back to its quiet and soft tone again.
JJ smirked even more as you stated your regular night time skating routine as if it was natural. He let out an amused chuckle, his eyebrows raising at the idea of you skating home alone in the dark so often.
"You skate at night often? You must have a death wish, doll."
You furrowed your brows at his nickname, whipping your head to look up at him with an expression resembling confusion. It was mostly to hide how flustered it made you, a small frown forming on your face, which wasn't supposed to be rude in any way, you were just... thrown off.
He smirked as you whipped your head up to look at him, your face showing a look of confusion mixed with… dare he say it, was that a hint of blush on your cheeks? He let out a small chuckle as he noticed your small, almost pouty frown. "What's with that look for, doll? You got a problem with the new nickname?"
You pursed your lips, as if mulling over the nickname in your head and dissecting it. He had no reason to call you that, but you knew JJ even though he didn't know you. You knew he was carefree and casual with everyone, so it wasn't hard for him to say certain things or make jokes. A part of you had always been envious of that, ever since you started liking him. Maybe that's why you liked him. He was the opposite of you, and in some ways you wished you could be like him, or like the girls you knew he usually went for.
He observed your facial expressions closely as you seemed to be deep in thought. He could practically hear the gears turning in your head as you thought about the nickname he had given you. He didn’t know why he called you "doll", it just came out naturally in the moment. He had a habit of nicknaming people, especially pretty ones, without even thinking about it. But for some reason, he was more interested in your reaction to it this time. It was the first nickname he had given you, and he wondered how you would react to it.
He chuckled softly to himself as he watched you purse your lips slightly, your facial expression almost looking like you were analyzing and dissecting the nickname he had given you. He couldn’t help but feel amused at the way you were acting. You were so quiet and soft-spoken, so different from anything he was used to. It was almost endearing in a way. He found your shyness refreshing and cute.
You decided you had enough of just standing there awkwardly and you looked up at him, nodding in greeting and walking towards the steps off the porch, your feet moving slowly, as if you were hesitating, afraid not to create a hole through the wood or something. You didn't wanna leave obviously, but you were awkward and weird and flustered easily and he was... well, JJ. You decided that you liked pining after him from afar from your camera lenses and behind corners rather than embarrassing yourself by talking to him face to face.
JJ watched as you nodded in greeting and began to walk down the steps of the porch. He let out a small chuckle as he noticed the slow and hesitant way you moved, as if you were afraid to break something on the way. He found your nervous mannerisms to be endearing, and he couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in your head at that moment.
As you started walking away, he couldn’t help but step forward and speak up before you got too far.
"Hey, wait."
He took a few steps towards you, closing the distance between the two of you again as he spoke up, his voice low and gentle. "You’re just gonna leave like that, doll?"
"Well.. yeah?" you grimaced hesitantly, curious as to why he seemed so adamant on speaking with you even though you were silent most of the time.
He raised an eyebrow at your hesitancy and grimace. He couldn’t help but feel a mix of annoyance and interest at the fact that you were just going to leave without a second thought. He had wanted to talk to you more, and he wasn’t about to give up just yet.
"You can’t just leave after you’ve barely said anything at this party. You’re too quiet, it’s a little weird."
Ouch again. He probably didn't mean to make another stingy comment, but you still felt the sting a little. You didn't let it show though, raising your brows and adjusting your glasses, looking at him as if expecting him to continue, despite the obvious figurative period at the end of his sentence.
He noticed the subtle flash of hurt in your eyes at his comment, but he didn’t apologize for it. He had a reputation to maintain after all. He raised an eyebrow in return at your raised brows and expression, expecting you to say something. When you didn’t, his eyes narrowed slightly as if he was annoyed that you weren’t responding. "Is that all you’re gonna do, just stare at me?"
You looked to the side as if considering his question, nodding slowly and silently. You knew he probably didn't like it, you weren't the kind of person that would hang around JJ Maybank after all. But you couldn't help it, your brain just didn't wanna speak sometimes, it was like it was selectively mute, which was very asshole-ish of it.
He let out a low sigh at your nod and silent response. He found it both annoying and endearing at the same time how reticent you were. He wasn’t used to someone being this quiet and reserved around him. Usually girls would cling to him or talk endlessly, never shutting up.
He took a small step closer to you, his eyes narrowed slightly as he looked down at you. He leaned forward slightly, his voice low and gruff as he spoke. "You can at least say something, doll."
"Something." you spoke without realizing, the word soft and quiet even though it was more sarcastic than anything.
A surprised laugh escaped his lips at your unexpected sarcastic response. He didn’t expect you to actually say something, let alone something sarcastic.
"Clever."
He said dryly as a smirk formed on his face, his eyebrows raising slightly. He was enjoying this more than he cared to admit, he wasn’t used to people being sarcastic back to him, not someone as quiet as you anyway.
He leaned in slightly closer, his smirk slowly morphing into a small, amused smile. He liked how blunt and sarcastic you could be, and the fact that you were being sarcastic with him was almost funny. "You sure know how to make conversation, doll."
You raised your brows and nodded looking to the side once again as if to say 'i know right?', a small scoff leaving your lips.
He chuckled softly at your raised brows and subtle scoff. It was like you were trying to match his confidence and snarky attitude but by being quiet at the same time, and he couldn’t help but find it amusing. He took another small step forward, getting even closer to you. "You sure are a sassy one, doll. Most people would be a stuttering mess in front of me right now."
'I am stuttering... mentally.' you thought, fixing him with your gaze. You were sure you were plenty nervous in front him anyway, stuttering would just make you explode probably. You were sure that would actually happen if it came down to it.
He could see the hint of nervousness in your eyes as you fixed him with a steady gaze. He knew that you were probably feeling very nervous and intimidated by his presence, but you were doing a good job at not letting it show. It was refreshing to him that you weren’t falling all over yourself in front of him like most girls did.
"You’re awfully quiet though. How come you’re not all over me like most girls are?" He asked, his voice laced with sarcasm and subtle curiosity.
'Oh, how i would love to-..' you stopped that thought before it actually finished in your mind, shaking it out of your brain quickly. Your version of being all over him was stalking him around and taking pretty artsy and stalkerish pictures of him from afar. Of course that was embarrassing to think about, especially when he was standing right in front of you, talking and giving you casual nicknames like 'doll and mouse.'
He noticed the brief second when you seemed to zone out for a moment before snapping yourself out of it. He couldn’t help but be intrigued by the look that had crossed your face, if only for a split second. He raised an eyebrow at your sudden change in demeanor and wondered what had just gone through your head.
"You sure love zoning out, doll. You alright in that head of yours?"
You nodded swiftly, looking back up at him. Still, you couldn't seem to get a word out, which was becoming annoying for you. You can talk to him, he's not gonna bite.
He could sense your frustration at your inability to speak, even though he could also tell that you were trying to remain calm and collected in front of him. He found your struggle both endearing and irritating at the same time.
He chuckled softly before speaking again, his voice soft and casual. "You know you can talk to me, right? Like, actually say something out loud."
"I'm a girl of few words." you spoke up, pursing your lips gently as you looked up at him, nodding in a self-assured way.
He chuckled again at your response, his eyes fixed on your pursed lips. There was something strangely intriguing about the way you looked at him, even with your glasses in the way. "I can tell, doll. You’re practically mute." like an actual doll, that was even more funnier to think about in JJ's mind.
He found himself moving closer to you again, a smirk playing on his lips. He was enjoying the fact that you were struggling to speak, and secretly found it cute how shy and awkward you were around him.
"You’re a little mouse, aren’t ya? Too shy to talk?"
You hated that word when it was used to describe your quietness by others, but when it came out of his mouth and it rolled off his lips you found it almost... sweet. The way he seemed to weigh his words and keep his rowdy and loud behavior in check made you feel.. special? but also pitied, like he was scared of scaring you away. You raised your brows, adjusting your glasses and smiling slightly at him, nodding again after a few seconds.
He could see the hint of annoyance in your eyes when he called you a mouse, but it was gone as soon as he saw you smile slightly.
"Awww, look at that, she finally smiled. I didn’t think it was possible with you being so quiet."
He mocked your silence once more, just to tease you a bit more. He found your reactions and facial expressions entertaining, even if you were silent most of the time.
Somehow you found the courage to reach up and smack his shoulder playfully, glaring at him half heartedly. The action surprised even yourself, retracting your hand fast in fear that you might've made him uncomfortable.
His eyes widened slightly in surprise when you reached up and smacked his shoulder, the action catching him off guard. It was the first time you had physically touched him, and he couldn’t help but feel a small spark of electricity at the contact. He also noticed the way you retracted your hand quickly, as if you were afraid of what he might do.
He laughed softly at the look on your face, his smirk widening.
"Did you just SMACK me, mouse?"
"Sorry.." you stuttered out, stepping back a little nervously. It was supposed to be a casual teasing smack but as per usual, you made things awkward and weird. Just like you always did.
He chuckled again at your stuttered apology, the sound low and gruff. He found your nervous mannerisms and stuttering quite endearing. It was an odd thing, being intrigued by someone who hardly talked and was very awkward. He took a step closer to you, closing the distance between you again. "Don’t apologize, doll. I’m not mad." He said lowly, his smirk fading into a soft smile.
You nodded quickly, turning away suddenly and walking towards Maisy's car to retrieve your board and skate home. God, you had spoken to him more than you ever did in these 8 years of pining after him. And it was so nerve wrecking, having someone have some much control over you without even knowing.
As you walked away, JJ couldn't help but feel a bit of disappointment that you were leaving already. He watched you walk towards Maisy's car, and a part of him wanted to call out to you to stay, but he didn't.
He couldn't quite understand why, but there was something about you that he found strangely captivating. Despite the fact that you were very shy and awkward around him, he felt strangely drawn to you. He didn’t want the conversation to end just yet.
He thought about calling out to you to wait, but something stopped him. He wasn't sure what it was, but he couldn't bring himself to speak up. Instead, he just watched as you walked away, his eyes fixed on your retreating form.
Maybe it was the way you had looked at him with those shy, behind-the-glasses eyes, or the soft, almost sarcastic responses you had given him despite your quiet nature. Something just made him want to keep talking to you, even if all you did was just nod and stay silent most of the time. Maybe that's what JJ needed, someone quiet enough to help him ground his loudness. But that thought was shaken away when he realized you were a stranger and the 2 of you might not even interact ever again.
JJ was still standing there at base of the porch steps, watching as you opened the back seat of Maisy's car. He raised an eyebrow at the state of the car, thinking to himself about how messy it was. As you retrieved your board from under the pile of clothes and Gatorade bottles, he watched your every movement intently.
When you suddenly turned around and waved at him, JJ couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in his chest. He couldn’t quite understand why, but he found the gesture strangely adorable.
He raised his hand in response, waving back at you.
"Night, mouse. Don't get lost on the way home."
He called out, his smirk returning to his face. He couldn't help but tease you a little before you left, it was too hard not to poke at your shy demeanor.
You couldn't help but smile at his use of the nickname again, placing your board on the sidewalk and glancing at him one last time before finally forcing yourself to skate away down the sidewalk, the sound of the party becoming distant as you skated down the street.
JJ watched as you placed your board on the sidewalk and started skating away. He couldn’t help but notice the small smile that had appeared on your face when he had called you 'mouse' again. He felt a small twinge of satisfaction being the cause of the smile, even if it was a small one.
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A/n: Okay so... what do we think about the first interaction? I decided mid-way that I'm making this multiple parts..☆*: .。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆ if this does well I'll post part 2.. JJ is such a yapper, and the reader is.. not. I'll take this down if people don't read it but i have an entire story about these 2 :( I'm just curious if this was too long
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pearlescentparade · 2 days ago
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could you make a fic or HCs for 1x1x1x1 but the Betrayed 1x1x1x1 skin if you could :3 maybe something to do with his hair but its up to you :D
im not even gonna lie ive been basing 1x's personality off of his betrayed skin's bc those voicelines are the only hints i get at knowing how this dude acts so the only difference is that she's got hair 💔💔
❎betrayed 1x1x1x1 x reader fluff💝
"y0u just c4n't g3t 3n0ugh 0f m3~" 1x1x1x1 boldly claims as you run your fingers through their luscious white hair, watching the strands seamlessly part as you comb through. you roll your eyes, "ever the narcissist, aren't you? in any case, it's your hair i'm obsessed with, not you. just how do you get it to be so smooth...?" taking a small lock in your hand, you observe it in awe. seriously, no knots or tangles? they could star in a pantene commercial if he didn't look so damn scary. a devious snicker escapes from them, and you're already mentally preparing yourself to hear what she has to say next.
"1 w4sh w1th th3 b100d 0f my v1ct1ms- AUGH!" with the piece of hair that's already in your hand, you firmly pull it as a way to scold them. "ew! whatever, edgelord." 1x1x1x1 turns back to look at you when they feel you withdraw your hands to dig in your bag, perturbed by the loss of contact. the chains that sit around their body clink from the movement. "1 d0n't r3m3mb3r s4y1ng y0u c0u1d st0p." "oh, be patient! i only stopped so i could get these." after scolding her gently, you emerge from your bag, revealing a brush, some hairties, and a few cutesy clips. the face 1x1x1x1 makes at the objects could be described as something akin to disgust yet intrigue. she slightly backs away, letting out a hiss, "y0u w4nt t0 d3c0r4t3 m3 l1ke 1'm s0m3 k1nd 0f p3t? hhhh.. 1 w0n't 4110w 1t." you step forward, closing the distance he attempted to create. "don't be dramatic, it's only a few accessories! you have all that nice hair, you ought do something fun with it every now and then." the being of hatred starts to retort, but completely gives up when you begin brushing, losing himself in the pleasant feeling. you swear you can hear them faintly purring.
after a bit of brushing out, you split the back of their hair down the middle, sectioning it into two. then, collecting all of the hair on one side, you pull it into a hairtie and start tying a pigtail. the same goes for the other side. finally, to top it all off, you fasten some clips on their bangs. 1x1x1x1 suspects something is up when she hears you giggling, and confronts you when you've finished. "i don't even want to know what you've done with me."
"aww, c'mon, you don't, heh, you don't wanna see what you look like? not even a liiiittle?" teasingly, you hold your handmirror out to her and invite her to take a look as you struggle to stifle your laughter. if 1x1x1x1 could destroy objects with his glare, that mirror would've shattered in your hands. they growl as they snatch it from you, hesitantly lifting it to behold themself in the glass.
safe to say, he absolutely hates it. the cutesy pastel clips with bows and small animals appear alien alongside 1x1x1x1's harsh and saturated color palette, and don't even get her started on the dumb pigtails. "..th1s 1s 4WFUL! 1 l00k utt3r1y stup1d--hurry 4nd t4ke 1t 0ff!" in a fit of embarrassment, she violently shuts the mirror with a loud clap, and hurls it at you. you're barely able to catch it through your laughter. "but--snrk--but 1x, you look so cute! keep them on, pleaaseeee?" "4bs0lut41y n0t. th3s3 4r3 c0m1ng 0ff." one by one, 1x1x1x1 yanks the clips out of his hair and discards them onto the ground. before they can take out the pigtails, you stop them by gently grabbing her wrist. "at least keep the pigtails in... think about it like the ponytail you always have, just on both sides of your head." he narrows their sharp red eyes, elf ears twitching in annoyance as you attempt to convince them to keep any evidence of your mini makeover. after a long and gravelly exhale from him, he resigns, "f1n3. but d0n't th1nk y0u'll g3t 4w4y w1th th1s.. 1'll g3t b4ck 4t y0u!"
when the next round rolls around, 1x1x1x1 targets you heavily, stopping at nothing to ensure you lose. despite the other survivors' valiant efforts to protect you, she gets you. but damn, you'd be lying if you said it wasn't worth it seeing 1x1x1x1 in cutesy pigtails, even if they were enraged and chasing you.
(parade postscript: i think i'll have 1x1x1x1 talk with leetspeak bc i see a lot of ppl make him do that so why not teehee im afraid itll make her rlly similar to griefer but i think i can write them to be different enough......)
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flowery-mess · 7 hours ago
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healing touches
Pairing: frat boy Noah x female reader
Warnings: 18+ MDNI! / feeling sick / throwing up / let me know if anything else should be mentioned
Words: 1,8k
Author's note: I missed frat Noah❤️‍🩹 I have more interesting one shots for you, but I didn't want to push it when I'm not in the mood for it, so at least some fluff Noah for you
frat Noah masterlist
You and Noah don’t text on a daily basis, so when you didn’t send him any new messages for three days, he didn’t think much of it.
He got ready for another party at his fraternity’s house, dressing himself in black loose jeans and black oversized t-shirt. Before leaving his apartment he put on two silver bracelets around his right arm, his fancy watch on left hand and also new ring. Throwing black jacket over his shoulders, he checked his phone to see his uber driver will be at his place in 3 minutes, giving him time to put shoes on and leave.
Noah is not the type to drink every week, but tonight he planned on getting loose a bit. That’s why he decided to leave his black car parked in front of the main building and take an uber.
The drive to the campus where the party was held was short, but he managed to text you ‘Are you coming tonight?’ text.
He knew you didn’t come every week, but tonight he really felt like having drinks and leaving with you.
15 minutes passed by and still no reply from you. Maybe you’re getting ready with your friends or already on the way, he thought.
“Hey man!” Matt pulled Noah in their bro hug, handing him cold beer fresh from the fridge.
“Hey, where’s the rest of the guys?” Noah asked, looking around the living room. Looking for the rest of his friends, but also for you.
Matt led him outside where the rest of their friend group was hanging out. Noah took spot next to Nick, listening to the conversation so he could join them.
----------
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Clara asked you for like the 10th time today.
“Yes, I will. I’m a big girl and can take care of myself.” you replied, feeling guilty for the attitude when Clara was just being nice.
For three days straight you’ve been sick. It started on Wednesday when you threw up at the school bathroom, not knowing where it came from, but you still didn’t get rid of it. Along with it came fever and weakness.
Clara and Molly were getting ready for yet another party and you secretly wished they’ll both find someone to spend the night with, so you could have the dorm for yourself and don’t feel bad about occupying the bathroom most of the night.
“We’re leaving, Ella. If you need anything just text or call and we’ll be back, okay?” Molly assured you with a kiss on your forehead. Since you became sick she got into this ‘mom mode’ which you appreciated, but also needed a break from.
When you heard the door close, you picked yourself from the bathroom floor, crossing the room as quick as you could and throwing yourself in your bed.
-----------------
One thing about Clara is that she’s a loud person, so whenever she arrives somewhere, everyone knows it. When her and Molly arrived at the frat house, they didn’t bother to walk through the living room full of sweaty people, they went for the backyard straight away. They were scanning the people that were already hanging out there and when Clara saw group from her class she yelled at them from the other side of the big garden.
Noah knew her voice so instinctively his head turned around, but his face turned into a frown when he saw only Molly and Clara. That was weird, because you always came together.
He texted you again ‘Hey, I saw Molly and Clara, you here too?’ and put his phone away, waiting for your answer.
One hour later still with no answer from you, Noah got a bit worried. His plans of getting drunk no longer happening, but he couldn’t say the same about your two friends.
He was walking towards the group of people Molly and Clara were hanging out with, pretty visible that they already consumed enough alcohol to be at least tipsy.
“Hi Noah.” Clara was first to notice him.
“Hi,” Noah cleared his throat, not sure what to say as he didn’t think this through, “where’s Ella?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, huh?” Molly smirked at him, her eyes giving her drunken state away.
“Yes, that’s why I asked.” he didn’t like talking with Molly, feeling her disgust in every word she said to him. He turned to face Clara again, but Molly was quicker to speak up.
“She’s on a date.” came out of her mouth before she could realise what she said.
“On a date?” Noah repeated.
“Yep, with a guy that’s not you.” Molly continued to tease Noah, who didn’t know if she was serious or not. He looked at Clara hoping she would tell him the truth, but she was too drunk to stop giggling. At Molly’s joke? At his confused face? He didn’t know.
“Amazing, thanks for your help.” Noah said without any emotion in his voice, turning around and leaving. He didn’t even stop to tell the guys he’s leaving, he just left.
He started walking in the direction to your dorms, thankful for the few minute walk to get a hold of himself. He was angry, because either Molly made fun of him or you were actually on a date and broke your deal.
He sneaked into the building you three were living in and had to stop himself in front of your door to take a deep breath, calming himself down that there’s a possibility that you won’t open your door and actually be having a dinner with some guy.
He knocked on your door and waited, nothing. He knocked again, nothing. He repeated that move few more times, his knocking more and more loud each time. Then he tried to call you and he heard your phone ring inside. Did you have the guy over at your place? With that thought he made himself even angrier and started knocking like a crazy person.
Meanwhile you laid in bed, your head hurting from all the noises. First you thought someone was here for Molly or Clara, then your phone started ringing and then the knocking got louder.
It took all of your strength to get up from your bed and open the door with very annoyed “What?”
You saw Noah in all black, his face confused and phone in his hand ready to call you again.
“Hi?” he suddenly didn’t know what to say.
“What are you doing here?” you asked him without any form of greeting.
“Are you okay?” Noah noticed your tangled hair and your pale face.
“Do I look like I’m okay?” you spat back at him, wanting whatever this was to be over so you could go lay in your bed again.
“Molly said you were on a date.” he finally said, his cheeks turning a bit red as he realised how does it look.
You managed short laugh out of yourself before saying “On a date? She really doesn’t like you.”
“Well, now that I know you didn’t break our deal… are you okay? Because you look terrible.” Noah made one step towards you and put his hand on your forehead.
“I’m sick.” you whispered and closed your eyes, feeling the relief of Noah’s cold hand against your hot skin.
“Okay, I’m coming in.” Noah said and closed the door behind him. After he took his shoes off he led you to your bed.
“You don’t have to stay Noah.” you told him as he laid you down and put the blanket over your body.
“Well I’m here already, so.” he shrugged his shoulders as if taking care of sick your wasn’t any bother. “What do you need?”
“I don’t know. I have a high fever, my head hurts and I throw up.”
“Did you take any medicine?” Noah’s face looked concerned as he tucked you in, because you were shivering from the fever.
“Yes mom.” he was glad that you were joking, it was a good sign.
“I’m gonna make you some black tea that should help with the sickness, okay?” and with that he left your room to make some tea for you.
He brought some dry biscuits along with the tea, making you eat at least one and drink some tea.
“Move.” he said and stood up to take his jacket off.
“What?”
“Move a little so I can lay down too.”
“You’re not laying in my bed in your dirty jeans.”
“God.” he sighed, but took off his jeans and made you move so he could somehow lay next to you in your small bed.
“What are you doing?” was he cuddling you? Holding you? Why?
“Shut up, you’re cuddling me every night you stay at my place.” he put his arm around you so you could lay your head on his chest. You knew you did, because every morning you woke up earlier than Noah and found yourself in his arms, on his chest or him on yours.
“Maybe if Molly would see this, she’d hate you less.”
“This doesn’t make us boyfriend and girlfriend, I’m just being a helpful friend.”
“I know.”
“The sooner you get better, the sooner we can have sex.”
“You shut up now.” you smacked his chest, knowing he was joking.
He took your laptop and opened some random show on Netflix.
You couldn’t help yourself, so you asked him “Did you really think I’d break our deal?”
“No, but you didn’t reply to any of my messages for the last few days and I didn’t now if Molly was joking or not.”
“Sorry, I was busy throwing up.” Noah laughed, but you still wanted him to know that you wouldn’t betray him like that. “Don’t worry Noah, I’ll tell you when I’m interested in someone and want to stop this between us. Okay?”
“Okay.”
And with that you slowly felt your eyes closing, before fully falling asleep on Noah’s chest.
---------
When you woke up hours later, the left side of your bed was empty and Noah was nowhere to be seen.
Your laptop was back on your table and your mug was full of fresh tea. Next to it was note from Noah, it said “Drink the tea and get better so next week I don’t have to sleep in this small bed again.”
You appreciated that Molly and Clara didn’t come back, they wouldn’t stop with teasing you if they saw you and Noah cuddled in your bed.
You didn’t mind that Noah left when you were asleep, you were happy to see someone else than the girls at least for a while.
You reached for your phone, seeing it was 4 in the morning. You had few messages from Molly asking if you’re okay, then you saw Noah’s messages and clicked on them. You quickly sent him ‘thank you for stopping by' text, finishing the mug of still warm tea and falling back asleep.
✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
This story is a work of fiction, with the plot and characters entirely made up. The appearance and name of the main male character are inspired by Noah Sebastian Davis, but the storyline bears no connection to the real person. Please do not steal or repost this work on other platforms without permission.
Tag list: @lacy1986 @chey-h @xmads-omensx @blade-dressed-in-red @respectfulrebel
Click here if you want to be on my taglist
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nameless-jamie · 1 day ago
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I love the PA series!! So so good! The dynamic between them <3 if you ever write more of them, I’d love to see your take on a role reversal type of situation where Jamie has to help his PA (maybe she’s having a bad day or something like that).
Thank you for all your writing <3 and hope your week is going okay!
Tissues and Tea
Masterlist
Jamie Tartt x fem! PA reader
TW: cursing, flirting
A/N: Hello! Thank you for this great request. I hope you like what I made out of it. I'm doing fine, I hope you have a great rest of the week and enjoy your reading. <3
Y/N should’ve stayed home. She knows that.
But the thought of leaving Jamie Tartt to his own devices for a full day? Unsupervised? With a match coming up and at least three emails that need responses before noon? Absolutely not.
So here she is, standing outside his house, sniffling, a little wobbly on her feet, but determined. Her usual pencil skirt and blouse combo were exchanged for some jeans and a loose hoodie. She rings the doorbell and barely has time to brace herself before Jamie swings the door open, wearing—of course—nothing but gray sweatpants and a cocky grin.
"Ew, you look like death."
"Good morning to you too," she grumbles, brushing past him into the warmth of his house.
Jamie shuts the door behind her, frowning. "Nah, for real. Why d’you sound like a ninety-year-old chain-smoker?"
She ignores him, heading straight to the kitchen counter where she usually sets up her laptop. "I’m fine. Just a little cold."
Jamie narrows his eyes, watching as she unpacks her work things with shaky hands. "Right," he drawls. "And I’m fuckin’ Cristiano Ronaldo."
She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her head was throbbing and she could not take any banter today. "Jamie, I’m fine."
"You’re not fine," he counters, stepping closer. "You look like you’re gonna pass out. Actually—" He pokes her arm and she loses her balance a little. "—yeah, that’s definitely wobbly behavior, love."
She swats his hand away. "I just need to get through the day, then I’ll rest."
Jamie scoffs. "Yeah, not happening." Before she can argue, he grabs her laptop and walks off with it.
"Jamie—what the hell?!" she croaks, chasing after him.
"Oi, don’t strain yourself," he teases, holding it above his head like a schoolboy dodging a playground fight. "You’re sick. Ya need to rest. And lucky for you, I’m a proper gentleman, so I’m gonna look after ya today. Call me your personal assistant."
She blinks. "You? Taking care of me?"
Jamie gasps, mock-offended. "What, ya don’t trust me?"
"Not even a little bit."
"Rude," he mutters, placing her laptop high up on a shelf, far out of her reach. He puts his hands on her shoulders and shoves her towards the living room "Now, let’s get ya on the couch, yeah?"
She knows she should fight this, but honestly? Standing for this long is exhausting. And Jamie's 150.000-pound-couch looked comfy ass hell. So, reluctantly, she lets him guide her to the couch, where he throws a ridiculously big fluffy blanket over her.
"There," he says, hands on his hips. "All cozy. Like a little babeh."
"I can’t move," she deadpans, buried under the weight of the blanket.
"Exactly." he pulls the finger-guns at her.
She glares at him, but Jamie just grins.
A beat of silence, then—
"Want some tea?"
She exhales. "That would be nice, actually."
Jamie beams, disappearing into the kitchen. A minute later, she hears cabinets slamming, the sink running, and Jamie muttering "fuckin’ hell, where’s the sugar?" under his breath.
"It's in the second cupboard on the left," Y/N shouted as loud as her croaky voice let her.
"Got it!"
When he returns, he hands her a mug with the smuggest expression. "There ya go, love. My specialty."
She takes a sip—and immediately grimaces. "Jamie."
"What?"
"This is just hot sugar water."
He frowns. "Nah, it’s tea."
"The teabag is what makes it tea..." she narrows his eyes at him. "Let me guess, you don't know where the teabags are?"
"I could put some leaves from my kitchen plant in there. Same thing, innit?" he scratches his neck embarrassed.
She sighs, setting it down. "You’re lucky I’m too weak to fight you right now."
Jamie plops down next to her, looking way too pleased with himself. "You are lucky, actually. Not everyone gets personal Jamie Tartt care."
She gives him a tired, but teasing look. "Oh, so this is an exclusive service? Where do I complain? Is there like a hotline or..."
"Hey don't get sassy with me, you booked the VIP package. Special treatment. No refunds." He smirks, then leans in a little. "Want me to tuck ya in?"
"Jamie."
"I’ll do it proper, promise. Maybe even sing ya a lullaby."
"Jamie."
His smirk widens. "Or, if ya prefer, I could be your personal hot water bottle. Y’know, for extra warmth."
"Jamie."
"What? No cuddlin' ?"
She rolls her eyes, but her lips twitch—because despite everything, he is making her feel better.
He watches her for a moment, his teasing expression softening just a little. Then, without thinking, he reaches out and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"Y’know," he says quietly, thumb brushing against her temple, "you spend so much time lookin’ after me. Someone’s gotta return the favor, yeah?"
Her breath catches.
It’s the kind of moment she’s always tried to ignore—the kind where Jamie isn’t just the flirty, cocky footballer she works for, but something more. Someone who cares about her. Someone who, if she let herself believe it, might actually love her.
But she’s too tired to overthink it today.
So instead of pushing him away, she just leans into his already open arms, lets herself relax under the ridiculous blanket, and mutters, "Fine. But if you try to feed me soup, I’m leaving."
Jamie grins. "Nah, love. I’m terrible at soup."
And with that, he settles in beside her, her head on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Y/n's silent snores fill the room and Jamie sighs satisfied. Yep, he's refusing to move from this position—ever again.
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gooobraghhh · 9 hours ago
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hello. chill if nah but do you want to share some advice for teasing/flirting w people? I know this guy, trans, loses it every time I call him "good boy" or "handsome" but I'm running out of tricks!! But he's so fun to teaseeee I don't wanna run out
I mean it depends on the person but if he’s into that kind of thing I can tell you other stuff he might enjoy, leaning more praise because of the examples you gave me. Pretty boy, an actual pet name like puppy, doggy, pet, or something, or like a overly cute nickname based on his name are some options to incorporate. Something id suggest is kind of dropping something teasing on him very suddenly in conversation. Innocently asking him to do something and then being like “aww what a good boy, you’re so good at doing what you’re told” is an easy example/ way to set it up. It’s just super cute to watch them get all surprised and clearly turned on.
Another thing I enjoy for teasing is like a demeaning compliment. Situation dependent but something like “it’s a good thing you’re so handsome/ cute because you’re not the brightest, puppy” after he like doesn’t understand a thing or makes a little mistake. Maybe if you helped him with something random you could say like “what would a pet like you do if I wasn’t here to take care of you”. These are just examples in the nature of what you’re going for, you’re gonna need think of little comments based on what’s happening in your conversation and cater them to what the guy likes. Also think about whats gender affirming when you’re choosing what to compliment and insult. For trans men I usually like to insult their intelligence since being like a dumb blockhead is just kind of a guy thing and usually won’t actually hurt any feelings, I’d lift them up in like appearance (handsome, cute, pretty etc), usefulness/obedience, (good job, good boy, what a good listener,you take it so well etc), or any other trait you know that specific person would enjoy being complimented on.
I’d also suggest possessiveness if everyone’s comfortable. My puppy, My pet, My pretty boy. Be a good boy for me, touch yourself for me, cum for me ( obviosuly more risqué but just add for me to most commands). I find most people enjoy the security and feeling of being wanted that comes with possessive talk and it just makes the praise all the more addictive.
Another thing is if hes responding very positively start making him directly participate. Who’s good boy?, you’re really so desperate for me huh? Tell me how bad you want it?. Just prompt him to respond. Either he does it and it’s adorable and embarrassing or he sputters out because answering is too embarrassing for him and you get to watch him get all flustered. Works well for some degration to, “you’re really such a slut huh?” Or something similar so that he either agrees or pathetically tries to deny it while still actively getting turned on which you can make fun of him for. It’s kind of little conversational trap.
Also keep in mind tone for all of this, I think that kind of condescending, patronizing, overly sweet tone is my go to. It’s kind of like everything he is doing is so cute but in a way thats actively demeaning to him. You don’t have to do that though. A Genuine sounding sweet voice can be very fun if you incorporate a bit more degration. Like someone sounding 100% sincerely nice while they’re calling you degrading names and making fun of you is super hot. Just find what works for the both of you. If it’s flirting over text then there’s only so much you can do but writing out the occasional condescending “awww” or telling him how irl you’re giggling at him can kind of bridge that gap. But like say those things honestly, don’t make up how you’re reacting just share it with him if it’ll add to the dirty talk.
Anyway hope this all helps, break that guys mind for me <3
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chock-and-bates · 3 days ago
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you get the chollie vision so I'm inclined to ask about god rest my soul (i miss who i used to be). lestappen is always promising but throwing ollie in the mix 😵‍💫 I'm excited to hear more :3
oh, dear...i fully admit that this is one of those fics where the author is using it to work through some things 🥲
there's this theory that the person you fall in love with at 19 will break your heart the most and traumatize you for life. (bonus points if you're like me and there was an age gap as well!)
so basically... i'm gonna put Ollie through the wringer 😭
Premise: Charles is single at the start of the 2025 season after ending things with both his girlfriend and his secret boyfriend, determined to focus on racing and healing his broken heart.
Despite his good intentions, he falls into a surprisingly passionate affair with Ollie, one with blurred lines and expectations. Charles isn't exactly sure exactly how he feels, but he can tell Ollie is developing some very intense feelings. It’s terrifying, yet he can't bring himself to end things.
But when Max finds out what's going on... things explode.
Snippet under the cut:
“Ayao said that it’s been my standout moment so far,” Ollie continues to babble, “I should show you the replay so you can tell me what you think. Here let me grab my phone-”
“No, no, don't worry! I watched it a few times already. I agree with Ayao, you were excellent! Especially at turn five, that was so nice, I couldn’t believe you went for it…”
Charles trails off when he realizes that Ollie has gone rather still, staring down at him with astonished eyes.
“Sorry,” he quickly comes back to himself with a jolt, “Sorry! I just- I didn’t realize you’d watched it already.”
“Of course I watched it,” Charles smiles gently, a little puzzled, “I saw it in the cooldown room replays first, but I’ve watched it a few times more. It’s like I said, you were excellent. I like watching good racing. Especially my friends.”
“Oh, well, that’s- I mean,” familiar pink spots appear on Ollie’s cheeks as he stumbles for words, “That’s- that’s great. Thanks.”
Ollie’s phone vibrates with a message alert before Charles can reply. He fumbles with it in his hands for a moment before he reads-
“Shit, late for debrief,” he mutters, still flustered, “I’ve got to go.”
Charles bids him goodbye, with promises of seeing him later on the plane they’ll be sharing with George, Pierre, and Kimi. He’s already turned to head into the bedroom to get changed when he hears Ollie pause by the door, “Hey…Charles?”
Looking over his shoulder, he startles when he sees Ollie staring back at him, an anxious but unmistakable softness in his eyes.
“Just wanted to say- I watched your podium today,” Ollie confesses, hushed and shy, “I always watch your podiums. I- I like watching good racing too, and I like seeing you up there. You were made for it.”
Oh.
“Wow, um, thank you, mate,” Charles replies, feeling more than a little thrown by the confession … and by the way Ollie’s looking at him, “Yes, um, thank you. You will be up there with me someday. I know it.”
Ollie doesn’t duck his head in time to hide his pleased grin, and as he glances at Charles one last time, the adoration on his face is painfully clear. 
He takes his leave with a small wave, and as soon as the door closes behind him Charles is cursing, raising a hand up to run through his hair in agitation.
It’s just hero worship, he tries to tell himself. Just like the way he used to look at Seb. It doesn’t mean anything. He’ll get over it once he’s settled into himself. Charles doesn’t have to panic, doesn’t have to do something stupid like put distance between them, that would crush the poor kid. It will be fine.
But he does have to ignore that tight, tingling feeling in belly when he remembers the way Ollie’s eyes felt on him. That telltale softness in his gaze that hinted at something else-
Fuck.
A text alert from his phone provides a welcome distraction. And when he reads who it’s from, the way his mood instantly sours distracts him even further.
Do Not Answer!
Good race today.
That overtake was lovely.
Are you ready to talk to me?
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lgbtlunaverse · 4 months ago
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While I think the moment in cql where Meng Yao– still bleeding from a stab wound in his chest btw– realizes Lan Xichen is in danger and decides to save the man who was so kind to him in cloud recesses is cute and all, nothing will ever beat the book for me. Little bookkeeper civilian Meng Yao, who has not had a serious chance to make his dreams of being a cultivator come true in fucking years, out of nowhere gets the fucking sect leader of Gusu Lan dropped right in his lap?
It's such a great example of Meng Yao's multilayered motivations to me. Because is civilian Meng Yao thinking of all the ways he can use this? Of the fact that having a great sect leader in his debt is the best thing that could happen to him? Duh. Obviously.
Is he very purposeful about appearing to Lan Xichen as a kind young man full of untapped potential, brave and willing to put his life on the line even though he really doesn't know so much about about cultivators, no sir, except a little he picked up here and there, because you see his father– 👉👈 Of course he is!
But the way through which he does that is... by actually saving Lan Xichen's life, at no doubt significant personal risk. The way he makes Lan Xichen believe he's kind and selfless is by... being kind and selfless. Just because he's doing it on purpose doesn't mean he's not doing it.
Is it lying if you want people to think you're nice and so you're nice to them? Isn't that just called being nice? Yes, he is very purposeful about how he appears to people, and very carefully crafts an image based on what he wants them to think of him, but most of the time he does that simply by... actually being the kind of person he wants to appear as. He still did the kind things he did, regardless of his motivations for doing them.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#meng yao#jin guangyao#lan xichen#rs: i wish it could've been you#I think for a guy like nmj the reason this 'fakeness' is scary is because it makes him unpredictable#meng yao COULD be nice to you because he wants you to think well of him and the best way to do that is simply being nice.#OR he could be planning to kill you later. you have no way of knowing which one it is.#but like... the existence of the latter– while obviously very troubling!– doesn't really make the former manipulation in and of itself#but both people in universe and the fandom frustratingly often take it as such#'i want this person to like me so i'm gonna be nice to them' <- this is not manipulation. this is just interacting with people.#anyway this dual motivation probably also applies to show meng yao. who is scrambling to find something else now that he's been banished.#but the reason the novel grips me so much is little civilian a-yao doesn't even *know* lan xichen yet.#it's the journey of this at first being very inpersonal- both as an opportunity and as a heroic act#(the impression he's giving being that he saved a stranger because he's just that kind of person 😇)#and over the course of their time spent hiding together becomes... very very personal.#meng yao coming in with a very general plan that he could charm any kind of person with and slowly adjusting it to fit lxc#but how is that so different from just... getting to know a person and realizing what kind of relationship you want to have with them?#I also just think it's cute to have a-yao get bonked over the head with the realization that this guy is so fucking NICE what the FUCK?#no way he's this lucky. good shit doesn't *happen* to him where's the catch with this guy??? hello???#lucky of course both on a personal level and for his practical goals. i loveeee both sides of a-yao's brain screaming in tandem
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tumblweeds-omegaverse · 6 months ago
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random omegaverse thought:
There must be people who experience specific instinct things with indifference or boredom.
Procreative cycle coming up? "Crap, I've got plans this weekend...stupid skip weeks."
Caught an intriguing scent while walking? "But I need to get to work! Shut up brain."
Had a snap response to a distressed sound? "Who was it?! ...right, it's my day off, I can go back to sleep."
Somebody growled at them? "Kid, I'm not a rival, that's my sibling."
Super cozy cuddle session happening nearby? "I'm gonna pass tonight guys, no social battery left, maybe next time."
Group of friends heading out to flirt and check out other singles? "I'm coming with you but only to make sure you all get home safe."
Setting where fated mates or soul bonds or permanent marks are a thing? "Meh. I don't really want one or care if I ever get one."
People in the actual omegaverse would get as bored of their stuff, as we do of ours, you know? It could be interesting to see that kind of vibe in fics. Biological demands faced with all the excitement of paying bills or doing laundry or tying your shoes.
Even if that kind of energy might not drive a plot, it could be interesting to have as a contrast to the people who do have big feelings about them - good or bad.
There's the friends who can't wait til they have a pack of their own, and the one friend who isn't against it but couldn't care less. There's the group in the office who are all about scent compatibility tests and figuring out one's best match and what sprays most highlight it, and the coworker who has no intentions on putting that much effort in. There are parents who hover and protect their offspring by scenting them multiple times a day, and others who don't see what the fuss is as long as it's done in the morning.
...also: packs with introverts who show care by giving each other space. So often, closeness is depicted through physical touch and tactile affection, but comfortable silence is meaningful too. Knowing people are near, but not having to interact until you're ready. Sitting in the same room doing different things, knowing that all it takes is a "hey, look at this" to share what you're up to. People understanding and accepting each other's differing or fluctuating needs for how and when to recharge. Seeing somebody reaching out or sharing space, beyond what's their norm, as a signal of the fact that they care.
#omegaverse worldbuilding#a/b/o worldbuilding#a/b/o dynamics#kinda#not gonna tag sfw though it mostly is#heat/rut mention#twovvie chatters#hi its me im introverts#a version of me in omegaverse would love to live in a pack house#as long as i could have a space to myself#people nearby? good! people around all the time? uhhhh#even my family knows that after so many hours of fun family party#i'm gonna disappear to whatever room has the fewest people in it#or find a random corner and start reading#“oh! i didnt know you were here” yes that was the plan#also i just find the idea of someone#who couldnt care less about pairing up#to be funniest in a setting where that's a big deal#“too bad you havent found a mate yet” “no i already know who it is”#“congrats! when do we meet them?” “oh i didnt mean that i'm going to date them. i just know who it is.”#“but i thought you were single?” “yup.” “don't you want a mate?” “nah too annoying.”#cycle day? nice i get a free day off work#cycle day? ugh not this again#the duality of man (a/b/o edition)#granted i hc heats/ruts as heightened libido and greater fertility#because i dislike elements of heats/ruts that (imo) mess with people's ability to freely consent#if the only non-sexual options are pain or solitude and the species needs compaionship as much or more as regular humans#then not being able to or being unwilling to is like a punishment for those people#sure stress or other needs can short circuit it (irl) but theres plenty of reasons to not be interested that arent “you have a problem”#surely i'm not the only person who reacts to various body requests with “later i'm busy” right?
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triglycercule · 2 months ago
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swapinverse posting rn,,,,, (WAKE UP UNTITLED29876011111 MY LISTENER I KNOW YOU GET NO SLEEP BUT SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS PSPSPSPSPPSPSPS)
anyways currently reworking savior and godDAMN is he soooo,,,,,,, my boy i love my boy. why does he literally combine the melancholic vibe of dust and then whatever the hell killer's got going on in his lore. hes literally so sad and emo and depressed but also has a perfect amount of i-dont-care-ness and built in commands,,,,,, hes so PERFECT my vision of this modernized savior is soooo amazing,,,,, none of you will be ready trust (hyping myself up over nothing)
i think its because i'm finally starting to THINK about my character's,,,,,,, characters?????? like before they were just concepts. i think. like just IDEAS and now especially for savior i'm starting to actually analyze his character and see where things go from there,,,, its sooooo fun i love this sosososos much,,,, now let's see if this streak of analysis will carry on for the 2 i still need to finish finish (crash and vice.SER my glitchy fuckass sons)
google what is the symbolic representation for ribbons and ribbon dancing and silk acrobatics. google ANSWER ME
#that last paragraph is because crash does those :3 he thinks hes so elegant SMH#siphon's supposed to be corrupted nm!ink but then i feel i may or may not have made him too NICE????#like what other traits am i supposed to add to make hin more like corrupted nm aside from the fact that he upsets the balance#and ink's already an asshole anyways!!! just that this ink wont be as energetic and just a tad more evil!!!!!#so what if i didnt do any canon research on anybody's origins that wasn't just the mtt SO WHAT OK#LET ME HAVE FUN WITH THESE CHARACTERS I DONT KNOW WITHOUT HAVING TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM#nevermind youre right...... i guess its time to do research on ink and error and CORE frisk and dream and nightmare....... siiiigh#AUAGHHHH I WANNA TALK ABOUT SWAPINVERSE SOOOO BAD#I WANNA BOUNCE IDEAS OFF SOMEONE BC IM KINDA STUCK FOR CRASH AND VICESER#BUT I CAN'T TELL SECRET MTT NATION MEMBER!!!!!!!! WHY NOT?????#BECAUSE I WANNA SEE THEIR RAW REACTION WHEN IT DROPS OFC WITH NO SPOILERS#listen is that sooo bad that i want people to be surprised and interested when it comes out IS IT#at least One person should be surprised and thats ok for me for nos#but unfortunately that DOES leave me with nobody to yap too........ feel so shahshdgsg#i NEED to talk about these characters i'm gonna go feral djdhshshhhhhhhh#swapinverse my beloved swapinverse my beloved maybe actually by this pace i'll finish in the summer of this school year???? who knows#i MUST make it a comic right??? what else can i do aside from make it s comic#or actually an ask blog i have no idea how ill present swapinverse to the world. but i've always had that issue sooooooo#the main story will be a comic......... other stuff people wanna know id asks.......... and then i guess i draw here snd there#oh gooodddd doing all that is going to KILL me but whatever i'm so excited for this project#i've been developing it since like basically freshman year swapinverse is growing with me 🧡🧡🧡🧡#tricule rant
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giantkillerjack · 9 months ago
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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bandsandwristbands · 3 months ago
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Vent post
#ignore me lol#vent post#I am feeling extremely angry and frustrated and alienated#like of course I'm demotivated when I point out injustice and literally everyone just shrugs at me and tells me to get over it#“what are we gonna do about it”#put any thought into it whatsoever for starters#idk I want to give up#the same bitches that tell me not to kill myself are the same ones to vote my rights away#I hate living#I don't even get validation from participating in fan content anymore#im just anxious and feeling rejected all the time#except for like five very specific moots on here#but then I feel like a fucking failure for not knowing how to socialize or show them that I care without being weird and ugh#idk i'm tired#I feel like I put all this energy into making myself acceptable for everyone else and I go out of my way to be positive and compassionate#and then I get fuckall in return#post election blues ig#here's hoping I don't end up under a bridge#I think I would be a vastly different (better) person if everyone around me wasn't a bunch of complacent#selfish#wet blankets.#I'm getting really tired of being treated like I'm crazy for expecting better.#I can't talk to anyone because I don't want to hear that I need to get over it or that everything will be fine#it doesn't help or mean anything#things just get harder and harder and I'm just waiting around#I'm so srs if you read this far don't try to tell me nice things#im in an evil caustic mood and I will just continue pouring negativity in return
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hadrianblackwaters · 3 months ago
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!! DRUMINDOR SPOILERS IN TEXT AND TAGS !!
Listening to Drumnidor as a Hadrian girlie is not easy. My god they're assassinating his entire character and taking away his life purpose right in front of us! They're reducing him to a stupid comic relief character with no depth and no real influence on the people around him (to a greater degree than they ever did before) and they're taking away all his greatest achievements and attributing them to someone else to fit the plot! His main character status has been revoked and he's now apparently merely a supporting character in someone else's story. Please, everyone, a moment of silence for my blorbo 😔🙏 Rest in peace mr. Blackwater. At least they let you pull some impressive-arse sword moves, you looked really cool... but I am so sorry they did not let you be a practising hoe in this one 🥀
#riyria#drumindor spoilers#sorry everyone i am about five and a half hours into the audiobook and i just reached a conversation between hadrian and arcadius#and i want to fucking jump out a window#why is mjs doing hadrian like this???? what's even his fucking point in the story if it's gonna be like this????#literally and what is hadrian? chopped liver etc etc!!!!!#someone who is also reading the book please talk to me or help me see how i am misinterpreting this#i just want hadrian to be taken seriously and be valued and i want him to actually achieve something that is not just helping royce on his#journey to becoming a better person but yeah i guess he can't even have that - the one thing they kind of let him have in the other books#i am literally becoming a worse person as i listen lol#And listening to Drumindor as a Hadrian/Royce shipper is even harder!#lol#I'm sorry everyone#I can't even make any jokes about this point you'll just have to read the book yourself and find out.#i want to adopt hadrian out of that story my god i swear there is someone who cares about you and values you#crossing my fingers that the remaining 14 hours of this book is different 🤪🤡#(at least gwen is nice to hadrian and i love that we get to see them bond/see more of their friendship#it's so jarring though bc she actually treats him as an adult#and not as an idiot)#like am i losing my mind???#was it always like this????#was it different because there were other characters around to interact with???#i want to cry because i am so frustrated lol#as i reread my tags i must say it could also be that i am projecting my struggles onto him LOL#because my life is really bad rn in a suspiciously similar manner ...#either i'm a hadrian fan bc he's just like me fr or oh god i'm literally just misinterpreting everything and its not that deep#but i want him to also get the opportunity to be that deep :( ok enough tags now sorry everyone so sorry everyone#fellow hadrian fans what do we think#enter the hivemind (the replies to this post or my inbox/messages) and let me know#and royce fans what do you think about royce in this book?
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moe-broey · 11 days ago
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"An awkward gesture" like yeah. And that group of guys who gathered around in Portland ME in full Nazi paraphernalia on April 1st that one year were just joking. Right.
#bro. sorry WELL I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD EVEN SAY SORRY?????? but i am gonna bitch for a second#like that shit was so jarring (second example i provided) bc not to dox myself but that's like. home.#vaguely not specifically speaking. but that is home.#i don't even remember what happened/what was done about it other than like. seeing an article or two about it#but literally this is just part of the nazi playbook. it's just a joke. or a mistake. or an accident. not that serious. ect ect ect#bonus points if like well they're a really nice person. yeah. i bet they are To You.#and hell less me being a bitch about it even if they put on a nice face towards the people they want dead#like bitch. i was raised christian. i know a thing or two or one hundred thousand about The Duality of it.#conscious or subconsciously. i know first hand what it looks like to be loved and abhorred at the same time.#and this is a loose comparison maybe. but what i'm SAYING here is That's How They Get You.#also fuck man the more i think about that 'stunt' (idk if i even wanna call it that but for lack of a better term)#like. the stupider it fucking is. like yeah a joke. a prank. okay. and you just had all that shit laying around because.......???????#idk it's so jarring. esp when it's close to home#but it's also so fucking jarring and terrifying to see it play out Like This. not some fuckasses in fucking maine#but someone with a disgusting amount of power. in front of the entire world. TO the entire world#god i'm getting flashbacks to that one guy who in front of a whole ass crowd (some preacher? politician?#idk sometimes the venn diagram is a circle. i don't fucking care to find out) said some shit about#eradicating transgender people from public life completely. to like a LOUD fucking applause#like it's sickening and exhausting and god i'm privileged. technically speaking. i'm white#and am taken care of by family so i don't have to work (when like. idk if i can. as time goes on i really feel like i can't.)#like. i'm acknowledging that all things considered i'm probably going to be safe. in all likelihood.#but it's disgusting and horrifying and like. maybe i'm safe. relatively. but so many people are not and will not be.#like idk it's just looking really fucking bleak. and that's coming from the shut-in.#i feel like i could say so much about that too. how i exclusively live through my art and art alone.#is it maladaptive daydreaming if the conditions are inherently hostile to life itself?#again i feel like i'm lucky that i'm able to opt out. but i also feel like. i feel like these shouldn't be my only options.#i don't know. i just wish we had more political assassinations. it wouldn't fix the system.#but it would fix the issue of one really stupid and genuinely evil guy. this goes for many of them
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guinevereslancelot · 13 days ago
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they should make a rope tow for your backyard that you don't have to build yourself or spend 9k for
#i just want to sled like a lazy person#fr the hill in my yard is sooo steep it's fun to go down but getting back up is awful#i literally have energy to do it like twice#i usually walk the long way around the bottom of the hill and up the road and across the field back to the top of the hill#instead of going straight back up#bc it's a much gentler slope but it's quite a walk#fr there used to be some kind of wacky homemade rope tow with a tractor here at one point but no more#it literally needs one#every friend who has ever come sledding at my house has said in their own wow this hill needs a ski lift#bc its a serious hike back to the top 😂#but it's great to sled down so i keep inviting people#i have some friends coming tomorrow who have never gone sledding here before#and most of them ski so i know they're gonna say something 😂#i'm literally looking into rope tows and they're 9k which is crazy#everyone seems to build their own but i am not that handy of technical minded#but what i am is lazy 😌#and broke#and i think i deserve one anyway <3#i think everyone should have one of these#or they need to invent the hover sled that will fly u back to the top of the hill#it seems like there should be an easy way to get back up tbh#just a rope and a car at the top or something but the car can't drive in a foot of snow lol#but there must be a cheap lazy solution here#there are some people with homemade ones and i think they make back the cost by charging people to use it for skiing#but i literally can't build one and i don't think anyone would pay to ski my hill bc it's a nice steep hill but there's nowhere to go#once you get to the bottom that's it you can just go back to the top and start over#but maybe as a sledding hill some local people might pay a little for that idk#but i dont want a bunch of randos doing that at my house then like suing me if they hit a tree at the bottom lol#but literally the cost of a tow rope makes it impossible even if it was homemade and im not handy anyway#but it would be so nice lol
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atom-bomb-baby · 15 days ago
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#personal#so i had the less than stellar realization that one of my best friends#and current roommate is a massive asshole and I have no desire to continue having them in my life#i have 0 idea how the fuck to get out of my current living situation#we've already agreee to add 6 months to our lease#so it would end in October my math is correct#we originally signed in April so yea#so 8-9 months would give me plenty of time to get my shit together and gtfo#but they are talking about long term plans with me involved#like starting a business cult thing#(they are so fucking egotistical “I could be a cult leader” is something they say DAILY)#and yea months ago I was down to clown on this thing#but now I want them out of my life#they were gone seeing family for 3 weeks and the apartment to myself was so nice#i didn't have to listen to their shit of “white people are the worst ever fuck white people I never want to deal with them again”#i am pasty white but I'm one of the good ones apparently the exception#how trans mascs have it easier than trans femmes and how gross boys are#i lean trans masc so that's fun#and how much they want to start a cult full chest... yea they put on a decent front but they don't actually have the personality for it#i just... idk man living with them for another 8-9 months is gonna suck ASS#and like at the end of it trying to let them know that I won't be staying with them regardless of moving somewhere else#that is not going to be a fun time#they talk about community all the time but it seems less for other people and more for themselves#like started a union which is great do Not get me wrong but is angry that bargaining is putting something they want in...#but they are getting a ton of other consessions from the sound of it#just not the one that would benefit them the most#bleh hate this so fuckin much
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