#'i need you' always sneaking into these tagging games is hilarious

[prince-simon]

Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up then tag 5 people

thanks for tagging me @sterek-unhinged ❤️

I used my liked songs playlist for this so here we go:

1. Pretty Boy - Naethan Apollo

2. As It Was - Milky Chance

3. saudade, saudade (live in studio) - MARO

4. I Need You - John Vincent III

5. Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths

Tagging (no pressure): @toffeelemon @aro-of-artemis @cloudywilmon @omaremioo @moonofthenight

[katyawriteswhump]

a deep and dreamless love (steddie love month, day 11)

For @steddielovemonth, day 11. 'Love is saving the last bite for them,' from (@acasualcrossfade) Thank you <3

Rating: M  WC: 1,630 CW: blood drinking and mild horror. Tags: Vampire au, vampire Eddie, angst and whump with fluffy softness!

…

“You sure you can make it home all right?” Robin climbed out of Steve’s car and paused at the driver’s window. “It’s awfully dark already.”

“It’s cloudy, Robin! Cloudy daylight fries vampires as good as any July scorcher. Now get inside. Before you have to run and fall on your face.”

“Low blow, Dingus.” She curled her lip, muffled her overlong woolly scarf tight beneath her chin. “You know you can always crash h—"

“Robin! If you don’t quit yammering, we’ll BOTH end up as vamp juice-boxes.”

“If we’re gonna play that game, Shit-bird, don’t catch sight of your stupid hair in the rear-view mirror and start fiddling. Don’t wanna find your shrivelled body with my mail.”

“Hilarious. Get inside. Please?”

Steve waited to check she was safe indoors before driving off. He felt bad for being extra cranky, because she was right. He was running late. Their boss had made them stay for extra cleaning at the store, and thick clouds brooded low across an already darkening sky. However, crashing with Robin wasn’t an option.

She was safe now.

Eddie needed him more.

He drove fast, burning rubber round the corners. Nobody enforced speeding laws in Hawkins these days, not this close to sundown. He was halfway home, when the engine spluttered. Then clonked. He hit the break, thrashed at the gearbox. The BMW choked pathetically and conked out completely.

“No.” Steve flicked the ignition key. Nothing. “You gotta be kidding.”

He jumped out, opened the hood. Oil, water. Is the battery disconnected? He could hardly see in the dim light, plus he’d little faith in his basic car maintenance skills. 

Especially with his damn stupid hands shaking. 

He slammed down the lid, sprinted the hundred yards back to the nearest phone booth. He fumbled a coin into the slot and dialled.

It rang. Once, twice, three times, four times. Steve pushed sweaty hair from his eyes. “C’mon, Eddie, pick up! I really don’t wanna die, 'cos you’re moshing to Van Halen.”

The rings finally cut off: “Munson Mansion.”

“What took you?” Now Steve spoke, he realised he was practically hyperventilating.  “I’m in serious shit. My car broke down.”

“Dammit, it’s dark already? Shiiiiit! Must’ve overslept. Okay, calm down.” Eddie sounded, if anything, even less calm than Steve. “Where are you?”

“C-corner of Mason and Sherman.”

“Hold tight, Sweetheart. I’m a comin’.”

Steve pulled the collar of his jacket up—redoubling the defences of the scarf he’d worn all day—and started swiftly back toward the car. The shadows of night slinked across the grey front lawns, swallowing up broken picket fences. 

Then swallowing up Steve. 

He considered running up a driveway, hammering on somebody’s door—a better option than hunkering down in the car, though only if someone let him in.

Too late.

A tall figure in a hoodie appeared as if from nowhere, and blocked Steve’s path. The vampire’s toothy grin flashed in the chilly twilight.

“It’s rude to sneak up on people." Steve squared his shoulders, battling to keep his voice low and steady. “You hear me, knucklehead?”

He reached into his jacket, gripping the wooden stake he always carried. Before he could line up any kind of aim, the vamp was on him, knocking the stake from his hand. He grabbed Steve by the front of his shirt, lifting him clean off the ground. Goddamn vampire super-strength! Steve kicked the bloodsucker on his leg. Hard. Son-of-a-bitch didn’t even lose his grip.

“Payback time, Harrington.”

“What the—”

Steve attempted a punch, which fell short. He then registered the face behind the leering fangs. It was a football player, who’d graduated a couple of years before Steve.

“Chad Lloyd? Seriously? You’re not still pissed about—”

“You kissed my girlfriend, douchebag.”

“I was lifeguarding! I had no idea she was fake drowning till she shoved her tongue into my mouth. Gimme a break.”

Chad beamed, cheesier than ever. “Oh, I’m gonna break you, Harrington. Before or after I drink you dry.”

“Look, if you wanna keep a date, you really need to work on your one lin—”

He hurled Steve to the ground. Steve landed with a bruising, stunning thud. Then the vamp was upon him, rolling him over, ripping off his scarf and pulling down his collar. Steve kicked and struggled, though he’d almost no hope of escape.

“Hey, what’s this?” Chad tore away the neat dressing tucked under the side of Steve’s chin. “Guess I shouldn’t be surprised that slutty Steve Harrington is someone’s sloppy seconds.”

No. Not there! Nobody else drinks from there!

He rammed his knee up into the vamp’s happy-sacks. Then shoved the tender side of his wrist—and that throbbing latticework of veins—right in the sucker’s face.

Chad snarled, grabbed Steve’s arm, hoisted the whole of Steve upright with it. His freshly erupted fangs ripped deep into Steve’s wrist, and he chugged greedily.

Steve’s vision spotted. The usual woolly, sicky feeling swelled in his guts, fogged his brain. He slumped, helpless and terrified, against the vampire. Who just kept drinking.

Okay… I screwed up… Screwed up bad... I always tried so damn hard to save myself for you... Miss you already, Babe… Oh, Jesus!

He was unsure if he heard the distant roar of a motorcycle engine. Could’ve been the fading thunder of his own blood. Then the whoosh of a crossbow bolt gashed into his waning consciousness. Once more, the sidewalk flew up to meet him. He’d a vague notion that the vamp fell too, smacking down beside him.

Eddie’s worried face filled his vision. His heart squeezed sluggishly, aching with love, and the world disintegrated to nothingness.

…

“Steve? C’mon. Wake up. Please wake up.”

Steve’s eyes fluttered open. “Huh?”

“You’re back!” Eddie squeezed him tight. “You scared the crap outta me.”

This was nice. He’d never object to waking up in bed with his naked boyfriend, and half-naked himself. Apart from…  Actually, not feeling so awesome.

Unsettling memories trickled back.

“How you doing?” asked Eddie. “That bastard drank waaaaay too—”

“M’fine.”

To be truthful, the whole right side of his body felt like it’d been slammed by a truck. He lifted his bandaged arm to drape around Eddie’s shoulders and struggled to disguise the effort. 

“Nothing the usual routine won’t fix.” He smirked. “You know, water, spinach, lentils. Gourmet steak dinner with red wine.”

Eddie planted a sizzling kiss on Steve’s cool, sticky brow. “Only wish we could afford that for you, Sweetheart.”

“I’ll take sex for dessert. Plus we don’t have to pay for your food.”

Steve’s fingers had barely touched the fresh bandaging on his throat, before Eddie snatched them, kissed them, tucked them away again.  “You’ve lost too much already.”

“But—”

“I can go a night without feeding, Baby.”

“If you skip dinner, you’ll be grouchy and pathetic in the morning.” 

What Steve really wanted was to wrestle Eddie into submission. He’d tease and goad him into unleashing that vampire super-strength, grappling till Steve was the one pinned to the mattress and then...

Annoyingly, Steve was too feeble to even try and sit, so he sneered. “What happens if I’m dumb enough to get jumped again tomorrow? Or Robin, or Dustin, or any of the kids? As much as I hate to admit it, they need a tame vamp looking out for them, way more than they need me these days”

“Answers still ‘no way in Hell.’ Which I’m heading to for sure, but at least the music will be—”

“Don’t change the subject. Look, I nearly got my arm torn off offering that moron my wrist. All to save the best bite for you.”

Eddie stroked Steve’s hair. “Emotional blackmail ain’t gonna work tonight.”

Good job I’ve learned to play dirty.

This time, Steve ripped the dressing from his neck before Eddie could stop him, revealing the twin fang marks Eddie left last night.

And every night.

“What? Why!?! Don’t want…” Eddie flinched away. “I don’t like this, Stevie.” 

Steve snaked his good arm up, threaded his fingers through Eddie’s lush tresses. He tugged Eddie down toward his throat.

As if on cue, a drop of hot blood trickled from the barely healed punctures. A groan shook through Eddie. He clamped onto Steve’s lifeblood, incisors piercing deep.

Steve bit his lip against a keening, desolate cry. Love didn’t only suck—it stung like a bitch, and the tide of Eddie’s hair smothered him. Still, the slip of Eddie’s tongue against his blood-slickened skin always flipped him out, in a not-entirely-bad way. From the corner of his eye, he strained to catch glimpses of Eddie drinking.

Gnnng! Too damn hot.

Soon, little stuttering gasps escaped him, as he teetered on a knife-edge. Damn, if Steve wasn’t already so shattered, so woozy, he’d be so up for sex after this…

…until he wasn’t. It hurt too much.

Eddie ripped himself free, jumped from the bed, and was  gone.

Steve lay there, trembling violently, his blurry vision further misted with tears. Completely at Eddie’s mercy. 

I’m safe. I'm safe.

Soon after he grew too weak to keep his eyes open, he sensed the skitter of featherlight fingertips. Eddie had returned to bandage him up again. Then Eddie gathered him into his arms and roused him with a tender kiss.

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?” mumbled Steve, lips moistened with his own blood.

“Holy shit, Stevie.” Eddie stuck out his tongue, kinda silly. His eyes shone with fear. “I’m a vampire. A goddamn evil, blood-sucking predator. One day, I might not be able to stop.”

“That’s bull.” No evil could overcome a nature as sweet and soft as yours. “I trust you.” I trust our love. Steve nuzzled into his favourite tattooed parts of Eddie’s chest.

I’ll save the last bite for you. Always.

He slipped away, warm and cherished in Eddie’s arms, and into a deep and dreamless sleep.

...

(also part of my steve whump fic series on AO3.)

[dc418writes]

•|Re-Match|•

✨Pairing✨: NBA!Colin Sheaxblack!reader

Summary🪄: It’s time to settle a long lasting dispute

⚠️: partial nudity, likkle bit of playful, sexual tension, pretty much all fluff in the form of a hilarious game of horse

A/N🎙️: a little sneak peak of a story I’ve been thinking of inspired by the iconic basketball scene from “What’s Your Number?” I hope you guys like it☺️!

“Colin, if you get us arrested I swear-“

“Relax peaches we’ll be fine,” he winks holding open the large, metal door leading to the quiet tunnel.

Knowing Colin everything definitely would not be fine.

The hum of the AC and low squeaks of your sneakers along the linoleum wood - appearing freshly polished from its shine of the few overhead lights on above - is all you hear in the empty arena. Looking around at the vacant seats imagining the cheers and shouts from fans, you understand how it could become addicting.

“And you’re sure you can be in here?”

“I’m a player aren’t I?”

“Yea but not with the Lakers,” you answer. Arms crossed against your chest anxiously biting your lower lip it reminds him of the you he knew from his childhood. Incredibly shy at first, but once comfortable enough around him - and only him at the time - he found just how sassy you could be.

“Will you tell me why we’re here now?”

A grin spreads along his pink lips squatting down to his duffle. “We’re gonna settle this once and for all.”

Watching as he removes the orange and black basketball, you suck your teeth before huffing a laugh of disbelief.

“Are you serious right now? Colin it’s one am.”

“And neither of us could sleep, so what better way to kill time?,” he responds as he repeatedly bounces the ball. Of course he knew of a better way that would definitely tire both of you out, but with your situation this would have to do. “Or do you not wanna play because you’ll have to cheat again to beat me?”

“I didn’t cheat! It’s not my fault you were off your game that day.” Little did you know the reason was you and all the feelings you awoke in your childhood friend that he didn’t fully understand until becoming an adult.

“We’ll see.” He bounces the ball a few more times warming it up - even dribbling between his legs in cocky yet impressive fashion - before passing to you. Your finger pads running along the smooth yet bumpy surface bring back so many memories you’ve desperately tried to forget.

Although some of your happiest times, the unresolved trauma always had to tag along growing obnoxiously louder the longer you reminisced.

Colin lightly bouncing on the balls of his feet flapping his arms like a chicken is his tactic to spur you on. Smirking as you narrow your pretty brown eyes, he sees it’s working.

“You’re so childish. It’s been over 10 years and you’re still thinking about that game?”

“Fine,” he stops, taking a step closer to you. “No more kids games. We play See-Horse.”

“See-horse?”

Colin nods with that famous boyish grin. “Still horse. But every shot you miss, I’m gonna see a lot more of you. And vice versa.”

“So..basically strip horse,” you state trying to ignore that pesky tingling you feel.

“Yep, an adult game for those who aren’t at all childish. Here, I’ll even give you a one up.” Before any words could pass your lips, all you see is his bare chest littered with more tattoos than you remember. The formerly single quote on his left pec now joined by various pictures and words scattered along his torso and sides. You swear you see what looks like a peach on his ribs, but his arm blocks you from further investigating.

“First point is yours.”

Rolling your eyes, you begin to dribble stepping closer to the net. “I don’t need your petty point Shea.” You stop at the corner spot closest to the rim bouncing the ball a couple more times before flicking your wrist and easily sinking what would be a point in a regular game.

He easily catches your pass grinning as he gets into position and readies his shooting stance. “Alright then peaches.”

•

About an hour later Colin is down to his boxers with bare feet padding around the court thinking of what to do next while you stood in your lacy, black bra and grey biker shorts. Your own bare feet starting to get cold the longer you waited.

“Cmon Shea, before we turn 100.”

“Hey I didn’t hassle you with your shots. Gimme a minute.”

Hands up, you silently giggle watching him pace back and forth trying to come up with something to stump you. He finally settles on a half court shot, surprisingly making it look simple as the ball easily slides through the net with a swish.

“Your turn sweetheart,” he winks passing you the ball once he’s retrieved it. It shouldn’t make your gut flutter the way it is now, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy the feeling.

Standing in the exact same spot, you analyze the space between you and the net trying to figure out how you could do this.

“Take your time,” Colin states with a knowing grin. Your glare just makes him chuckle with arms crossed on the top of his head. “Just trying to be encouraging peaches.”

Dipping the ball between your legs, you swing both arms up with all your might hoping for that swish but it falls just in front of the rim before bouncing into the chairs that were the floor seats.

An air ball that of course tickled the man a few feet away from you. “You messed me up.”

“How?!”

“You talking threw off my concentration,” you grumble. Along with your tattoos, big arms, and stupidly muscular body. Turning around reluctantly removing your shorts and tossing them in the little pile with the others, you miss the way his eyes rake over your body greatly appreciating how you’ve grown up and filled out in all his favorite places over the years. Not to say he didn’t admire you as teens, because you were beautiful then - although he knew you didn’t think so. But grown you with this confidence and newfound attitude of not letting anyone get in your way or treat you any less than what you deserved? Let’s just say this moment was the most self restraint he’s had to use in a long while.

“Well, looks like I win again.”

“Um..I’m sorry?”

“I have two pieces left on, you only have one.”

He snorts with hands on his hips. “Only because I don’t wear a bra.”

“Excuses excuses,” you tsk making him playfully narrow his eyes.

“Whoever misses their next shot loses.” Dribbling the ball he begins his jog to the board, but any further movement is interrupted by a bright beam of light shining down on the both of you.

“What’s going on here!?,” a baritone voice yells clearly not pleased with what they’re seeing. Colin’s quick to shield your body from any further view as your feet keep you stuck in place. Your brain seemingly not functioning either being solely focused on your embarrassment and how mortified you were to be in this situation in the first place.

Colin’s clearly nervous too how his finger taps against his thigh, but definitely holding himself together better than you could. “Uh, hey! Um..i-it’s not what it looks like!”

“So you and that beautiful young lady behind you weren’t in here trespassing?”

“Well..,” he nervously chuckles scratching the back of his neck, “I mean..”

A group of giggles breaks the silence confusing both you and Colin as he tries to peer through the light to see what was going on.

“I think we scared him enough Q,” a much higher pitched voice states before giggling herself.

“Mouse?”

Very fitting nickname.

Colin’s confused yet relieved tone let’s you know he’s familiar with whoever Mouse is which eases your newfound anxiety. There’s also a hint of something else taking its place though. Jealousy? Possessiveness? Anger? You’re not sure and equally don’t know why it’s there in the first place.

The light suddenly goes away to show a group of five standing in what would be the upstairs press boxes. You shift just enough to the right - peering through his underarm - that you can see the shortest, and most petite, of the group standing with arms crossed over her chest. Behind her three other women ranging in races and heights, and one man. All wearing exercise clothes of some sort.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well, seeing as though we have scheduled practices, being cheerleaders, I’d say we have more of a reason to be here than you do,” she replies earning another set of hushed chuckles. The man still shielding you simply nods with hands on his hips. An embarrassed “right” slipping from his lips as he reaches behind to press you to his back.

The pleasure seeking portion of your brain enjoys the warmth of his palm resting on your lower back instantly igniting your body, while the logical part knows better trying to push against his skin to re-establish space between you.

Feeling his muscles bunch and move beneath your fingertips only incites your internal pleasure seeker to want for more though.

“Um what are you doing?,” you ask with a hint of annoyance.

“Trying to keep you covered while also getting our clothes if you’d stop moving back there.”

“Oh no worries! We’ll give you guys some privacy,” the girl termed Mouse smiles with gleaming teeth. “Heads up though, Bobbie the security guard is on his way. He usually meets us out here, for safety reasons of course, and he might not be as understanding as us.”

You and Colin manage to sidestep in sync until you can get to your clothes; pressing all of them close to your front seemingly not caring about Colin and his black boxer briefs.

“Thanks. We’ll be out in a few seconds,” he waves. “And uh keep this between us guys?”

Sliding her manicured, pinched index finger and thumb across her lips she mimes as if she’s zipped and locked them before throwing away the key. “Our lips are sealed,” she winks. “Always nice seeing you Colin. And friend!”

•

Arriving back on your floor, the mood is noticeably lighter than when you first left the arena. Colin of course apologized before trying to charm his way back to your good side noting how nothing happened like he said.

“Cmon peaches, we’re good! You gonna be mad at me the rest of the week now?” Meanwhile you silently contemplated if you could get away with this man’s murder.

In conclusion, yes but only if he wasn’t such a notable player.

“Well, I guess in the end it was a good thing your friend was the one to catch us,” you state before a yawn bombards its way through your throat even catching you off guard.

“Why you gotta say it like that?,” he asks with an amused tilt to his thick brow. His fit body leaning against your doorframe prevents you from escaping this conversation and to your bed calling out for you louder and louder as the seconds pass.

“Say what?”

“Friend. Why’d you say it like you don’t like her or something?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You did. Those feelings from earlier still hadn’t left, which only annoyed you more - in turn making you crave the safety and solace of your room. “I just met her, how could I not like her.”

Tilting his head back, his eyes study you like a teacher knowing he’s caught his student in a lie. You don’t make it any better tucking your lips between your teeth growing more antsy the longer he gazed at you.

Clearly a guilty move you’ve had since your youth.

“Colin come on it’s almost four and I need my bed.”

He grins slowly standing up while he bites the corner of his lip. The remnants of his cologne hitting you with one final, dizzying punch as he leans forward hovering just above your ear. “Alright. See you tomorrow peaches.”

“S-See you,” you quietly reply watching him saunter to his suite right next to yours throwing you a final wave.

Finally on the other side of your door, your feet drag but help you to your neatly made, king bed. You don’t even bother changing into your pajamas instead opting to stay in the oversized hoodie comfortably draped over your upper body.

The hoodie that you now remember is not yours, but the man sleeping next door.

Hey, forgot I have your hoodie..I’ll bring it over later (sent 4:12 am)

Keep it (sent 4:13 am)

Have a feeling you’ll get more use out of it than me 😉 (sent 4:13 am)

The light fluttering building in your gut at his words is soon replaced with hot bricks from your newest incoming message. Suddenly - with a harsh pause - your soft smile fades as you’re brought back to the reality you seemed to forget the moment Colin Shea entered your life again.

Morning babe❤️! About to go in the office (sent 4:20 am)

Know you’re still probably sleeping but hope you’re having fun! (sent 4:20 am)

Not too much tho since I’m not there lol😘 (sent 4:21 am)

[secretkryptoniteangel]

Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications😊

Thanks for the ask! 1. Gaming Recently been doing a long term Factorio playthrough with friends, with Space Exploration. We've spent 5 days and 16 hours in the current save and have a long way to go yet! As well as this Minecraft, Ultrakill, Noita and recently a replay of Brutal Legend, one of my favourite games! my other favourites not mentioned are Homeworld 2, Supreme Commander (via FAF), CrossCode, Reassembly. I've definitely missed a few but hey 2. Animals! I have four Dogs and three guinea pigs, each of which are funky little beasts. Feeding the guinea pigs in the morning as they try to sneak around and grab a piece of carrot or broccoli is always hilarious. :D 3. Programming / Development! I do it as my job and (occasionally depending on how the workday went) in my free time! A lot of the time it's not actually writing code but figuring out how to connect to peripherals, or integrate with other systems, or even just trying to figure out what the hell i was thinking 3 years ago. Currently understand C#, JS, Lua and am learning Rust! Shout out to my raspberry pis, for helping me learn more, and for running a program for 13 days straight and being a heater in winter 2021. 4. Homestuck, I first read it in 2016, which unbeknownst to me at the time was when it was ending. This was also when i was doing my final exams for school, so they took a hit, but eh. My friends are sick of hearing about it after i have never once shut up about it, but tbh they've also not read it yet so i think this is a fair attrition. 5. Silly goofy times, being a dumb bitch with my friends and laughing over nothing. I don't think this needs explaining. :D Tagging 10 people from my recent notifications to pass it on! I'll also send it via asks, in case they don't want my bullshit attached to them :D

@foxgirlinfohazard , @thatnoulguyorsomething , @kidwithadrawingmouse , @sliceofardath , @vilkat-pyrope , @hazelhawthorne , @heirofnepeta , @boycrow , @ech0-1409 , @the-goldsmith

As always, responses are completely optional! Hope you're all having a good time! :D

[paulmezcal]

NOT ME lowkey sobbing over the fact that I can get into tumblr ask games with you now 🥲 For the ao3 wrapped writers edition: 3, 6, 16, 18 please and thank you ❤️

i cannot wait! i lowkey forgot about tumblr ask games, what a vibe.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? - as you know, i looove fever, i think i will always be proud of fever. and limits, just for how long it is/is going to be/where it's going to go! and just gonna sneak the lil outsider pov cheating fic in here because that one was oddly so satisfying to write and i'm so glad with how it turned out, hah. but for the most: fever!

6. Favorite title you used - hm. when bradley falls in love (goose & carole's version) was probably the quickest i've ever picked a title, otherwise, the pierced nip series title is hilarious to me.

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? - Bradley Bradshaw is a Tits Man & Jake "Hangman" Seresin Needs a Hug. do i have a niche?

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? - hm, maybe goose in the iwtby companion piece -- carole's voice, i found pretty easily, but goose took a little wrangling. plus the pressure of it being a character i don't really write in someone else's universe probably made that a bit more difficult.

thanks, mo!

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Hey there beautiful person, there is something I'd like to know your opinion on.

In season 4, do you think Mammon fell out of love with the MC or are the devs desperately trying to make him unlikable?

- A fellow Mammon stan

Dude I love you (whoever you are) but I instantly wanted to smack you upside the head😀

Here's why Mammon's gone back to his more tsundere personality in S4

Regressing to a phase where you feel protected, when you no longer feel secure/when things are unstable is normal

And we know the brothers are all feeling the effects of the new characters because the twins already brought it up and those effects were strong enough to piss off both Belphie and Beel

While we haven't had as many Mammon moments in S4 as we have had in the previous seasons (understandable because they need to set up 3 new characters) I'm not sure how they can be seen as him falling out of love with MC or as being unlikeable because the devs have had to compensate the lack of Mammon by making every appearance of his pure gold :

1. He's back to being a S1 level tsundere when he meets MC again ^ which the above link talks about

2. He's been sneaking downstairs, multiple times, to read MC's letters when he thinks no one is there

3. When he & Levi temporarily semi switch personalities and a lot of his insecurities come out (link)

4. The first moment he showed romantic/sexual interest in a canonical male character (link)

5. The reason he showed that interest is because that character reminded him of MC

6. He describes MC's personality as "fiery with an occasional cute side"

7. Holds hands with MC while walking around RAD

8. Reassures MC after Mephisto is being (a racist) little bitch (link)

9. Despite being the least violent of the brothers, he's immediately ready to throw hands with anyone who doesn't like MC/approve of them joining the Council because they're human (link) (link)

10. Throws his whole back into finding the card for MC (dude was on the fucking roof) (link)

11. Cat! Mammon. That's it. Okay no that's not it, MC calls him "cute" and he just blushes and looks all bashful and meows and help me (link)

12. Calmed Satan down from a temper tantrum (in a way that was very similar to how one would calm down a child throwing a temper tantrum hinting that Mammon was used to this) (link)

13. Uses Satan being calm to steal the magical rope from him

14. Talks MC's and Lucifer's team out of trying to kill each other and destroying RAD and makes them play a game instead

15. Successfully lies to and tricks the two people who know him the best in the three worlds (Lucifer & MC) and steals from them

16. He manipulated the fuck outta Lucifer & MC's teams and Satan. We haven't seen Mammon using his knowledge of people and how they'd react to situations in order to manipulate them and get what he wants, since S1 and as always it was amazing! (link)

17. The only reason he lost was because he didn't read the name on the fucking book. Iconic✨ (link)

18. Immediately picks up that something was wrong with Simeon when the Chimera attacked

19. Rivalry with Thirteen (or at least they're always sniping at each other when they're together) (link)

20. Questioned Simeon about what was wrong with him, looked to MC for support because he trusts them and Immediately realised that the "adults" were keeping secrets from them (link)

21. Cheering for his team and then immediately turning around and chucking rocks at the other teams but not having the arm strength for the rocks to reach them was hilarious (link)

22. Didn't even try to disguise the fact that he was worried about Luke. Straight up admitted to caring about Luke more than he cared about aby type of prize. And Luke's responses to Mammon were amazing too (link)

23. Was the only one to wait for MC while they spoke with Diavolo (link)

24. Was willing to let Belphie tag along with him & MC despite the fact that he's hardly spent any time with MC

25. Took note of the taco truck to tell Beel (link)

26. Cute taco truck date with him & MC that included kissing and sharing food (link) (link)

27. Nagged Raphael into showing them his boring ass room and reminisced about the Celestial Realm with him (despite the fact that he seemed initially upset that Raphael was in the Devildom)

28. Was worried about Simeon (link)

29. Has been paying special attention to Simeon since S3 and cataloguing each off moment

30. Already knows what's wrong and who is probably behind it, just doesn't know the full story (link)

31. Despite being the least violent/the most difficult to genuinely anger he got pissed on Simeon's behalf

32. Despite Michael's punishments still making him shiver after thousands of years he was ready to throw hands with Michael on Simeon's behalf (link)

33. Backed off when MC told him to calm down/when Simeon told him he needed more time to process everything

34. Immediately started recalibratung after Luke barged in and you can see the distinct difference between when he called Luke "chihuahua" at that moment vs a normal moment (link)

35. Comfort lunch pancakes that MC put their entire back into (link)

36. The fucking banter!!???? Made me miss my mates cause that's the kinda shit we'd say to each other ("that's a good servant" or something like that to MC saying "well where's my thanks then" to Mammon starting to gush aboout how MC's the best. Or alternatively "I'm not your servant" to "right! More like a lakey")

37. In reply to MC saying "I'm home" when they return to the HoL after S3 "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you?"

38. He forgets easy words and stutters because of it and that's very meaningful to me cause that's the kinda shit I pull (link)

39. I'm absolutely in love with each time he just calls MC out (link)

40. Luke mimicking Mammon (link)

It's S4 that inspired me to make this post because I couldn't contain the overwhelming love I was feeling for Mammon

Jerk with a Heart of Gold

And this theory post about Raphael, Mammon and Lucifer's relationships with each other

The Golden Child Vs. The Troublemaker

And for the people who are somehow still managing to simultaneously dig too deep into the "servant" thing AND take it purely at it's surface value:

What it's like to have a best friend like Mammon, P1

P2

I get that everyone has their preferences but bro I think we might be playing two completely different seasons, maybe even games damn 😭😭😭😭💀

[btnclmrttn]

OH MY GODNESS, YOUR PAGE IS A TOTAL BLESSING FOR THE "OPM X READER" TAG 👏👏 LOVE ALL YOUR HC AND THE ASKS TOO!! You're so talented!! I was wondering if I could ask something similar to your latest hc ask? That, instead of a werewolf, it can be like a mystic tiger/cat or something like that? (LOOK, i've been watching lots of funny cat vids and i can't stop imagine like sai or gen holding reader in the mystic tiger/cat form AND READER JUST SCREAMING LIKE: )

Reader: "PUT. ME. DOWWWWNNNN!!!-" ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ

IM LOVING THIS IDEA HOLD ON I GOT U

(aight I'm thinking that the cat form would be about 1/3 of your size, so can be average looking or fucknormus. Also the transformations are intentional)

Mystical Cat Reader

~~~~

Saitama

"So...a partner and a pet all in one...okay."

Total cat guy, but that also comes with a price. He's just as much an asshole as the typical cat

If you're chilling as a complete cat he does fuck with you. Lifts you up and carries you to bother you, calls you stinky or related names, over-pets you, all of that

When you're not a cat he'll do the same sometimes just to poke fun at you. When he's doing this though, it's a way of asking if you can be a cat for a while.

Attempts to capture cursed cat photos.

Your contact image on his phone is his pride and joy when it comes to cured cat photos

He plays hide and seek/tag with you when he's super bored. A very fun game, but he takes it seriously. It can be fucking terrifying

Genos

"I don't recognize this breed in my database."

Very much unfazed as usual there's not an ounce of judgement in this boy's soul

As much as the guy is on the internet he knows all about cat memes and he will try to recreate them. He does like long cat

He got a cat photo of you to go viral once it was pretty cool

Is trying to get a lazer pointer installed in him permanently

Owns a cat backpack to take you around with him everywhere he goes. Keeps sneaking you in hero meetings

Saitama had no idea for the longest time you were also the cat and the person he was suspiciously hanging around a lot. Freaked him the fuck out. But he likes you too

Sonic

"Oh...this is news..."

Also like Saitama, just as much an asshole as the typical cat

Has definitely tried the cucumber thing

He does get you nice treats (real, nice meat) and some toys. Has to calm you down with catnip after he messes with you too much

You get even by laying on his clean clothes and getting fuzz all over them.

Has a spray bottle, but only uses it on you when you're human. Thinks it's hilarious until you turn back into a cat and start attacking his ankles

Always combing your fur when he gets the chance. Out of boredom sometimes but to minimize your fuzballs on his shit

When he's having a bad day sometimes he says "give me the cat" then picks you up and holds you, carrying you with him everywhere till he's calm

Garou

I like the idea he met you as a cat first and was really nice to you, let you follow him around and fed you

Upon finding out you weren't fully a cat it did catch him off guard. Eventually he warmed up to you as a person, but he initially thought you were spying on him

"What the fuck?"

He don't really fuck with you at all, actually. He's very nice and sweet towards you

When you're a full person it's different. He's always teasing you and calls you Kitty instead of your real name for the most part

Doesn't treat you any differently compared to your cat form. He still brings you food and always asks if you're coming along with him (aside from his personal missions)

Doesn't need a cat backpack you're a shoulder cat for him

Likes it when you sleep with him as a cat when he's sick or recovering. Less body weight and heat, equal cuddles

[chloegong]

that semi-AU romajuliette + benmars fic

i need a permanent place to store this after dumping a random google doc on twitter so here it is, the author writing fic for her own book because people gave me headcanons and they were too good not to make use of

__

the one where juliette and marshall go out for a night out on the town and roma and ben have to go along to supervise because one time they accidentally committed arson —headcanon from twitter user @leonidasvaldz

a semi AU where Benedikt and Marshall were hanging out with Roma and Juliette in those happy months R&J had together in 1922 before everything went wrong (aka you can take this as canon because it will fit the timeline but the characters won’t have memory of this in the actual published books)

Disclaimer: i wrote this in one go inside a starbucks please expect ao3 user chloegong and not Author Chloe Gong who does multiple rounds of edits on her books

Second Disclaimer: nobody go putting this on goodreads before someone on my publishing team kicks my ass (rightfully so, i’m on deadline rn and i’m writing fanfic instead of my real contracted manuscript)

Mandatory reminder that Our Violent Ends is available for preorder with all links here :)

__

It wasn’t supposed to happen again. And yet, somehow, Benedikt was watching fire curl around the side of the building, the roof beams giving a loud groan before shuddering and caving in on itself.

He turned a look onto Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

~

Five hours earlier...

Juliette climbed in through the window of Roma’s bedroom, careful to hug the burlap bag close to her chest as she landed on his carpet. The howling wind outside drowned out some of the clinking, but the glass bottles were still making a racket no matter how carefully she hugged the bag. She had gone full throttle for tonight; when no one was watching and her relatives were downstairs crowing over a game of cards, she had snuck around and robbed the liquor cabinets at the Scarlet mansion quite generously. Now she dropped the bag onto Roma’s floor with a huff, brushing a curl of hair out of her eyes.

“Where’s Marshall?”

Roma looked up from where he was reading, putting his book down and rising from the bed smoothly.

“Well, hello.” He strode toward her, stopping before her with his arms crossed. “Lovely to see you too. You do know it is my bedroom you just snuck into, right?”

Juliette pretended to jump in surprise, looking around wildly. “Do you jest? Oh, bother. Let me climb back out and go find my real lover. Marshall! Where are—”

With a huff that seemed to double as a laugh, Roma grabbed her wrist before she could turn around and leave through the window again.

“You’re hilarious,” he said dryly.

“I know.” Juliette reached up with her free hand, clasping her cold fingers right onto his neck. Though her palm was freezing from the bitter temperatures outside, Roma hardly flinched, he only shrugged his shoulder up to keep her hand there. He couldn’t fight back the grin. For several seconds, the two of them only stood there, looking like a pair of idiots smiling at each other.

Then his door opened.

“Are we interrupting something?”

Marshall bounded into the room, throwing the door wide open. With a horrified expression, Benedikt hurried in after him and closed the door quickly, listening for movement on the other side.

“Yes, leave the door wide open,” Benedikt said. “While any White Flower strolling the corridor can peer in and see the Scarlet heir standing there in a silly coat.”

Juliette stepped away from Roma, peering down at herself as if she had forgotten what she put on. “I didn’t think it was that silly. It’s my disguise.”

“You do look a little like a housewife,” Marshall said, considering the coat.

“A fifteen-year-old housewife?”

“I suppose that is exactly why you look a little silly.”

Juliette pulled a face, but refrained from arguing further. She was here tonight because Marshall wanted to see the new Scarlet club that opened along Thibet Road, and she had promised she could sneak him in. Unfortunately, Marshall was bad at keeping secrets, and the worst at keeping secrets from Benedikt. The moment that Benedikt heard Marshall was planning on entering Scarlet territory, he had decided that he would come in accompaniment.

Juliette supposed it was only fair. Benedikt didn’t entirely trust her, but he was nice enough. He tolerated her presence and always kept an eye over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t spotted on their territory if she poked her head in to see Roma. While Juliette didn’t know much about Marshall either, he was far warmer than his best friend, and for the first time last week, they had even enjoyed an outing with just the two of them. Juliette Cai and Marshall Seo—out and about in the border territories on a quaint evening.

That outing had ended with accidental arson though, so it was rather possible that exacerbated Benedikt’s desire to play chaperone. And of course, if Benedikt was coming along, Roma wanted to tag along too.

The arson was hardly their fault, Juliette and Marshall had maintained when the Montagovs asked questions. What kind of person left a stack of hay out beside a bar? And what kind of hay was that easily flammable just from accidentally whacking one of the lanterns on the awning onto the stack?

“All right.” Juliette hauled the bag up again. “Are we ready to sneak onto Scarlet territory?”

“Absolutely not,” Benedikt muttered, strolling past her for Roma’s window. “But is that going to stop either of you?”

Before anyone could answer him, Benedikt had already hopped the small gap between windows, climbing into their neighboring building for their route out unspotted.

“Great!” Juliette said. She passed the bag to Roma so he could do the carrying. What was the point of converting a rival gang enemy into a lover if not to lug around her heavy things? “Glad we’re all so enthusiastic.”

Roma sighed, clambering onto his sill and making the climb too. “The things I do for you, dorogaya.”

Marshall hurried after him. “I would argue you’re actually doing this for me, dearest Roma!”

With a snort, Juliette climbed out last, and pulled the window after her.

~

The Scarlet club had been a bust. Of course, Benedikt had figured that would be the case from the get-go, especially if they were sneaking in at such a late hour to avoid being seen by anyone important in the Scarlet Gang. At least Juliette had provided good alcohol, and now he squinted at the label of the wine bottle under the street lamps while they walked, taking the smaller main roads along the periphery of the city.

Up ahead, Roma and Juliette were whispering to each other, though they didn’t sound like they were talking in full sentences. Those two always communicated in looks and gestures, swapping languages whenever they felt like it and ending up with some incoherent tangle of words that no one else could comprehend.

“Is there anything left in that?”

Benedikt glanced to his side, shaking the bottle to show Marshall. “One last swig. All yours.”

Marshall took the bottle. He put it to his lips and swung up, his head tipped to the sky and the line of his throat bared to the night. Benedikt shivered suddenly, a line of goosebumps rising at the back of his neck. The season had turned cold and the wind that blew onto his face was biting. He wrote off his shudder to the chill, to the temperature dropping with the longer they spent outside at such an hour.

Suddenly, Marshall was squinting into the distance. “Hey.” His call summoned Roma and Juliette’s attention from ahead, who both turned around to see what the matter was.

Marshall pointed to the dark shape off the end of the road. “Isn’t that the abandoned factory we lost to the Scarlets?”

“Is it?” Juliette asked, a sudden glee in her face.

“Why would you say that?” Roma bemoaned. He didn’t bother trying to stop her as Juliette hurried ahead, eager to explore the factory. “Look what you’ve done.”

But Marshall was wearing a similar expression, his eyes scanning the factory as they approached closer and closer. Wordlessly, he handed the bottle back to Benedikt, and though Benedikt’s head was spinning from the drink, he still recognized the exact face that Marshall made before he was going to get himself into trouble.

“Mars—”

“I’ll keep an eye on her,” he insisted, tipping his chin forward. Juliette had disappeared into the factory. “You two be look-out. We wouldn’t want someone finding us here, right?”

Benedikt scarcely had a second to argue back. Marshall was already hurrying off.

~

Inside the factory, Juliette trailed her hands along the dark walls, her eyes wide. The machines looked strange in the moonlight, but stranger while sitting so idle. She was used to seeing rows and rows of workers in the daytime, trailing after her father as he ran inspections on the work of their trade partners. It might have been the wine in her system, but everything seemed to sway: sitting so inactive in movement that her eyes were imagining movement.

“Pst.”

Juliette almost jumped out of her skin.

“Christ,” she muttered, whirling around with a hand on her heart. Marshall slunk out from the shadows, both his hands in his pockets. “You gave me a fright.”

“Me? Frightening?” Marshall picked up a strange object on the table, inspected it for several seconds, then set it back down. “I am the least frightening person on the planet.”

“Yes, well, when it’s so dark, even a cuddly teddy bear would be terrifying.” Juliette felt around her dress. She thought she had tucked her lighter in here somewhere. There were little pockets sewn around the sleeves and armholes that she kept all her weapons, though if anyone asked, she would say she had the ability to materialize them out of thin air.

“Do you scream often at teddy bears?”

“Only when they sneak up on me.”

“I don’t see you screaming at Roma.”

“He gets a special pass. He’s only a teddy bear on the inside.”

Marshall snorted. He leaned down, trying to read the paper taped down to the table. At last, Juliette found her lighter—it was actually in her sock—and she brought it close, thumbing down the sparkwheel for a flame.

“Do not touch—for demolishing,” Marshall read under the new light. “Are the Scarlets going to build something new here?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Juliette replied. “My father doesn’t include me in his business meetings yet.”

“Hmm.” The shadows of the factory danced. Juliette thought she saw someone darting in her periphery, and she whirled around, but it was only Marshall’s shadow. Unfortunately, she had scared Marshall with her movement, and he bumped into her, asking, “What? What is it?”

The lighter flew out of her hands, landing on the paper.

“Nothing, nothing!” Juliette assured. “I was seeing things.”

But Marshall wasn’t convinced. He swiveled around. Peered hard into a corner. “Was it ghosts? I know this city has ghosts. All that death creates so many ghosts.”

Juliette tried to look where he was looking. She couldn’t see anything except the dark.

“There is no such thing as ghosts.”

“Just last week, I felt something walk by me and then there was no one when I looked. I swear to you, if it wasn’t ghosts then I—” Marshall stopped suddenly, turning around to look at the table. “Uh… is that supposed to happen?”

Juliette whirled around too. The whole table was on fire. “Oh, God.”

With a sudden pop, the fire sprung up and licked up to the walls. There had to be something sprayed inside the factory already to prepare for demolition, or else the flames would not be traveling with such intensive speed.

“Marshall,” Juliette said simply.

“Yes?”

She looked at him. “When the Montagovs ask, we blame the factory and say we have no idea what happened. Run!”

~

Benedikt and Roma kept watch in relative silence. Benedikt’s head was spinning, and his cousin looked like his head was doing the same if his swaying was any indication. Roma was humming softly under his breath, toeing the grass that grew around the abandoned factory.

Then, there was a sudden sound from inside, and the first tendrils of flames blew out from the topmost windows.

“Roma,” Benedikt said plainly. “I’m willing to bet my life savings that Juliette Cai just committed arson.”

Roma tilted his head up, his jaw dropping agape. At first, he could only stare at the growing fire, eating up the roof beams. Then, he said: “To be fair, it could have been Marshall.”

Benedikt threw his arms into the air. “Who looks more like the arson type, Juliette or Marshall?”

“Is that a trick question?”

“The answer was Juliette!”

Benedikt pinched the bridge of his nose. He was rapidly growing concerned, but before he could suggest they go in to search for the two, Juliette and Marshall ran out from the factory—laughing. The factory was burning down, and they were laughing, grasping at each other and spinning in circles right in front of the factory. They looked a sight: seconds away from collapsing atop of each other in utter delirium.

Benedikt turned to Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”

Roma was struggling to hold back his laugh watching her with Marshall. “I think she’s magnificent.”

Marshall stumbled, and Juliette squealed, reaching out to grab his arm before he could trip and land flat on his face. Benedikt almost—almost—let a smile slip. Before Roma could sight it and tease him for enjoying himself after all, he cleared his throat.

“What happened?” he bellowed.

“Faulty factory!” Marshall called back.

Benedikt shook his head, turning on his heel. They needed to get out of here before someone reported the fire.

“Come on!” he called back to the three. “Let’s go before the Municipal Police arrive.”

Upon Benedikt’s summons, Marshall left Juliette’s side and hurried to catch up. He slowed to a stroll once he was beside Benedikt, but Benedikt could feel Marshall watching him.

“What?” Benedikt asked. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure his cousin was following too. Thankfully he was, though it was mostly Juliette hauling him along, their hands clasped together and swinging while Roma kept looking at the fire.

“I think you enjoyed yourself,” Marshall replied smugly. “After all that complaining about sneaking into Scarlet territory.”

Benedikt reached out and rapped his knuckles on Marshall’s skull. With a shriek, Marshall darted ahead.

“You want me to enjoy myself?” Benedikt shouted after him, breaking into a run too. “Come back then! Let me throttle you!”

FIN.

[kimnjss]

unconscious confession | jhs

⤑  series: heartbreaker

⤑ pairing: stoner!hoseok x cheerleader!reader

⤑ genre: fluff !! 

⤑ rating: pg13

⤑ word count: 3.4 // unedited

⤑ warnings: use of recreational drugs..!!

⤑ A/N: hiiii! thanks to everyone who has been reading along so far and giving me feedback with each and every update !! i really appreciate it honestly it’s a really big motivator for me. sooo i hope you like this part as well, don’t forget to let me know what you think . and also it’s this hoseok walking around lmao .

OCTOBER 3RD, 2020 | 19:26

Hoseok showed up to the game while the players were still practicing and you and the rest of the squad were in the middle of stretches. He looks effortlessly handsome from the quick glimpse you get before he's slumping down onto the metal. Focus on tucking each crumble of weed into the paper, but he'd occasionally steal glances at you on the field.

And your eyes meet each and every time. He played into the casual feel he wanted to set for tonight, an oversized pale yellow shirt underneath his light denim jacket. The pants he wears matches the jean of his jacket but are covered in rips, hair being held back by a headband. You've never noticed it before, but staring at him from the field when you really should be stretching had you realizing how well he carried himself. All of the time.

Thankfully, you're able to keep focus while you're actually cheering. Ignoring the fuzzy feeling that rises in your chest at the sight of him cheering for you (it's not for the players on the field who are losing, badly). He even waves cutely at you as you're being thrown in the air and you consider ruining your form to wave back. But decide against it, Jimin would throw a fit.

His attention is on you from kickoff through overtime, taking the steps two at a time as the players line up to congratulate the winning team. “Ooh. Here comes your biggest fan,” Jimin points out from beside you, slightly breathless from the back-to-back routines.

You're gulping down mouthfuls of water, so you actually don't see when Hoseok makes his way over to you. Not until Jimin's words are registering and your head is whipping around to catch the wide smile on his pretty face. He doesn't hesitate to drop his arm over your shoulders, easily tucking your body into his side.

Instantly, you're engulfed in the familiar scent of him. The subtle stench of weed masked by his sweet cologne. You've never been around a guy who smelt as sweet as Hoseok always did, used to the overpowering stink of AXE body spray, but you're convinced he's never purchased a bottle. 

He's offering a quick nod of acknowledgment to Jimin, which is met with a halfhearted wave as he leans down to tie his laces. “You were pretty cool cheering,” He tries to be nonchalant with his compliment, eyes focused on the sky as he talks. Which is pointless, you already caught the way he had been cheering from the crowd.

“'Pretty cool', that's it?” There's a playful smirk on your lips that he finds way more inciting than he should. But, he's determined to keep his cool in front of you so all he does is lift his shoulders in a slight shrug. “Yeah, pretty cool.” He repeats in the same tone as before.

You don't even bother to mask the snicker that sneaks past your lips. “I put my leg behind my head it was just 'pretty cool'? Maybe you need an up-close demonstration?” It's the one that you use that catches him off guard, highlighting the meaning behind your suggestion.

He stumbles slightly, eyes widening slightly. That was obviously something he's thought about before... respectfully. This wasn't the first time he's seen what your body could do and it never failed to get his mind wandering. Of course, he's thought if he had the chance to sleep with you, would you pull out the same tricks you do on the field. Who wouldn't wonder that with someone they were pursuing? 

But, the fact that you were mentioning it. Hinting at it like you were planning for exactly that to happen, that was a whole different ballpark. And it's obvious from the slightly dazed look in his eye, that you can't help but laugh at. Pulling him from his thoughts with the sound of your laugh.

“You're funny,” You say through your laughter, which he's quickly catching on to – soft chuckles leaving his lips.

He leads you all the way to the locker rooms, where he waits outside for you to change out of your uniform and into the sweater and jeans you had picked out for your date. Compliment at the edge of his tongue the moment you're stepping out, arm dropping back down around your shoulder.

While the two of you walk to his car, he fills you in on the hilarious thing Jeongguk did that morning. And you laugh along with him. Like an actual laugh, not one of those forced ones to boost his ego. He's animated as he speaks, gesturing wide and goofy voices tagged as his friend's voices.

You're a few steps from his car when he's rushing ahead of you, pulling the car door open before dramatically gesturing to it. “M'lady,” He says as you pass him and you know he's just kidding, but your heart skips a beat.

There's got to be something wrong with you, you're sure of it. You've been on tons of dates in the past and here you were all warm and fuzzy inside and the date has barely started. It was comforting being around Hoseok, though. As if you've always known him, you hardly had to do any thinking when you texted and it was no different in person.

You can't help but wonder if it felt like that for him too. A connection like that can't just go unnoticed, right? Or maybe you were getting ahead of yourself. “Will you tell me now where we're going?” You're asking as he's settling into the space beside you, tugging his seatbelt around his waist.

“I won't tell you until we're there.” You had spent the entire night before trying to guess where he was taking you, which was no use. The shrug emoji was a favorite of his you were quickly realizing. “It's really cool, though. You're gonna like it,” He says with a grin.

If that was supposed to ease your curious mind, it does the exact opposite. A place he was sure you were going to like? How would he know? Talked for seven days straight, but that's only one week. Do you really know what someone likes after one week?

Hoseok's quiet the entire car ride, a small smile playing on his lips as he drives. You're too busy striking out possible date locations to make any conversation, so the soft sound of his music is the only noise that fills the car. He's humming along to the beat, fingers tapping against the steering wheel, hair being swept by the wind. He's something out of a movie, it's hard to really focus on anything else.

Ten whole minutes pass of you shamelessly admiring his profile before he's shoving the car into park. “We're here,” Arms stretched out in front of him and your eyes squint, figuring you're missing something. “Where's here?” You're asking when you can't find the answer for yourself.

Hoseok lets out a small laugh, hand reaching to unbuckle his seatbelt. “You gotta get out to see it,” He's at your door seconds later, pulling it open and offering his hand out to you. Which you take, allowing him to pull you from the warmth and into the night wind. With his fingers laced with yours, he leads you away from the car.

You were standing on a cliff and the closer you get to the edge, the prettier it gets. Lights from the city below twinkling, but it looks so quiet. “You can see everything up here,” His fingers are still laced with yours, forgotten between you. “Right. I like to come here sometimes and just look,” Even with the endless conversation the two of you shared throughout the week, there were still quite a few things you didn't know about him.

Like the fact that he had a spot or the reason, he felt like he needed one in the first place. “How come you wanted to have our date here?” Aren't spots supposed to be private? Wouldn't showing you where he goes to 'just look', take away from that?

All at once, he's becoming all too aware with the warmth of your hand in his. The small tingle he feels throughout his palm that he had done a good job at ignoring up until now. It's the reason he's wiggling his fingers from your grasp and shoving his hand into the front pocket of his jeans.

He's plopping down on the rock with a thud, shoulders shrugging. “I don't know. Sometimes when we talk, I feel like bringing you here. So I did.” He's trying to be cool and you're not too sure why. There's a code in his words that isn't at all hard to read. He wanted to bring you here, let you in on a piece of him and no matter how nonchalant he tried to act about it, that's what it was.

So you're lowering yourself to sit beside him. From his pocket, he's pulling out a pre-rolled blunt and tucking it between his lips. He's quick with lighting it, taking his time with inhaling. “I don't really go on dates like that, you know. I mean, I do... but I don't. When I take girls out, it's like a gratuity, you know? But, I like talking to you and I wanted to show you something cool too. So I brought you here,”

His free hand rests on the ground behind you, inadvertently pulling your body closer to his. “Do you like it?” There's a bit of hopefulness in his voice that's hard to miss.

You're smiling brightly up at him, nodding your head to rid him of any confusion. “I like it. It's really pretty. Thank you for showing it to me,” Just your smile was enough to have the flutter starting up in his chest, but the way you talked to him? He'd turn into a blubbering fool if he wasn't careful.

He extends his hand, wordlessly offering the smoke out to you. And you're assuming that he just wants you to hold it for a second, so you pluck it from his fingers. And wait. He's snorting out a laugh at the patient look on your face. “You gonna hit it or...?”

“Oh! Uhm... no?” He's quick with pulling it from your fingers at the rejection, no desire to waste anything. “Why not? Are you like a good girl or something?” He teases, words coming through a cloud of smoke.

You're letting out a scoff, eyes rolling at his words. “No. I'm an athlete. My body is my most important instrument. Which includes my lungs,” He's bursting out laughing at the snootiness hidden in your tone. A loud laugh contagious laugh that could probably be heard throughout the entire city.

“Well, excuse me,” He speaks through your dying laughter.

With his arm resting behind you, you're naturally leaning into his side. The calm of the night and having him so close has a warm feeling settling in your chest, so much so that it's hard to contain the smile that has spread onto your features. Sitting in comfortable silence and watching the city below and it doesn't feel weird.

Content with just being around him and that's something you've never felt before. Whether or not he was feeling it too was lost on you, his focus on moving the blunt to and from his lips, a cloud of smoke forming above your heads.

“You see that greenish building?” You're pointing a little ways ahead of you. He has to lean forward and squint to see what you're referring to but nods once he spots it. “That's my middle school,” Punctuating your words with a grin up at him.

His fingers move to flick his scraps into the window, his body moving closer to you now that his focus wasn't split. “What was Middle School Yn like?” His free hand fidgets with the pebbles on the other side of his body, the other resting over your shoulder.

“Middle School Yn?” You repeat with a laugh, head tilting to the side as you're brought back to what you were like in middle school. Nothing like how you've turned out. “She was... different?” You're laughing again, planning on leaving it at that.

But, he's got this expectant look on his face, waiting for you to go on. So you do. “I kept to myself mostly, didn't have many friends. Not nearly as confident as I am now. I read a lot and did my homework. That's it,” He doesn't seem shocked or even surprised by the fact that you weren't always this popular magazine cut-out creation of yourself.

He doesn't even bat an eye, simply nodding at your words. “So you were a little nerdy?” His words don't come out in the rude unconvinced way that you've heard before when showing your past yearbooks. It's more like he's trying to get an image of what you looked like back than despite anything else.

“You could say that,” He's nodding, brushing the dirt from his hands. “Cute. Middle School me would've had the biggest crush on you.” Hoseok speaks as if it's just another fact like his words don't have a flutter shooting through your chest.

And with how sure he was that you two would've hit it off in middle school, you can't help but become curious. “What were you like back then?” You try to picture what a younger version of him would look like. How he'd act. Probably still cool, unbothered by most things that would usually send kids into a rage.

Your imagination doesn't get too far before he's answering. “I was a bit of a hothead... always wanted to fight someone. I was sensitive and emotional, so I argued a lot with whoever. I had a ton of friends, though. But looking, they were probably just afraid of not being my friend.” He laughs so you offer up a small giggle.

Your hand had been mindlessly resting on his thigh before, fingers tracing patterns into the fabric of his jeans as he speaks. “So why do you think you'd have a crush on me?” From the way he described himself, it seemed like you two wouldn't even sit by each other – let alone be close enough that he'd develop a crush.

He's shrugging at your words, an action that you've quickly realized is his favorite. A way to give off nonchalance, but looking close enough it's not hard to detect the light blush that dusts over his cheeks. “You said you were quiet. I think I would've liked being around you. Listening to you talk... like now,” His arm drops from your shoulders to wrap around your waist, using his grip to pull you closer to him.

“Think if I met you then or now, I'd still be into the way you smile... or the pretty way you roll your eyes when you're trying to act annoyed. And yeah, just you.” His hand reaches for yours in his lap, loosely twisting your fingers with his. “Any version of me would like you,” It's so soft, you're not sure if that last part was meant for you to hear.

His eyes are focused out in front of you, not even slightly looking like someone that just confessed. So you ignore it, summing it up as a slip of the tongue. You don't comment, but that doesn't stop the butterflies from taking over your stomach.

All at once, you're being met with the undeniable urge to kiss him. Just to see what it feels like. Throw out the self-proclaimed challenge you set for yourself because Arya was probably wrong. You've spent the entire night with the guy, he cheered you on from the crowd, brought you to his spot, and now this... unconscious confession. The fact that he liked you was on his mind so much that he was saying it without even realizing it.

You found it extremely hard to think someone like that would have the wrap sheet he was given. Or, maybe he did in the past... but with you it was different. Why else would he take you here, invite you into his space and talk to you the way that he has if it wasn't anything different? Right?

Right.

So before you can talk yourself out of it, you're tilting your head to the side to face him. “It's pretty here, huh?” Voice much softer now, you've taken control of the fiddling of fingers. Twisting yours around him and occasionally brushing your nails against his skin. It's subtle enough to be taken lightly but just enough to leave his skin tingling.

He's quick to pick up on your change of demeanor, brows raising in slight surprise, but he doesn't say anything. In fact, he's following your lead, leaning his body in closer to yours. “Mhm. Quiet too, nobody really comes over here,” His fingers tug at the belt loops in your jeans, tongue pushing out to wet his lips.

“That's good,” Your breath brushes against his lips as you speak, eyes dropping to his lips. He doesn't say anything else, gently pulling his fingers from your grasp just so he can spread his palm on the side of your neck. And then his lips are crashing down onto yours, hand holding your head in place.

Hoseok kisses you slowly at first, mouth molding with yours. But it's not long before he's brushing his tongue over your lips, testing the waters before he's plunging in. Fingers pressed into his jeans, you try to keep your head from spinning as his tongue pushes against yours. He tastes earthy... but a little sweet. It's intoxicating.

With two hands planted firmly on your hips, he's easily lifting you onto his lap. The movement so fast it's forcing you to break the kiss, a squealed laugh breaking the kiss. Which he meets with a wide grin, reaching to push your hair from your face. Slowly, he drags the tips of his fingers over your jawline, until he's holding your chin between his thumb and index finger.

“I really like your lips,” He says through a groan, leaning in to cover your mouth with his once more. Hands dropping to cover the curve of your ass, pushing your body further up on his lap so your hips collide. You can feel his half-hard cock pressed against your thigh and it takes everything in you not to grind your hips forward.

The feeling of his cool hands slipping underneath your sweater has a shiver running down your spine. Body reacting to the way his fingers climb up your skin, grazing over the underwire of your bra. His teeth tug at your lower lip and you feel the twitch of his cock hardening as his hands slide underneath.

Your slow with pulling back, not fully wanting to pull away – but knowing if you didn't stop now you wouldn't be able to convince yourself later on. It's cute, though, the way his lips chase yours as you put distance between the two of you. When he's not tasting the peach of your lip gloss, his eyes flutter open.

Two large hands resting over your breasts, cheeks matching the color of his eyes. “You don't want to?” He looks genuinely confused, like someone not wanting to sleep with him right away was some foreign concept. Still, he's pulling his hands from the inside of your shirt, resting them behind him.

“Not yet,” He nods, glossy lips spreading into a smile. “Okay,” He leans up to press a reassuring kiss to your nose before he's sliding you off of his lap. And then, without missing a beat he's saying. “I bet I can name more constellations than you,” Completely wiping away any possibility of an awkward moment rising.

Challenging you with a smirk on his face and the comfortable atmosphere you had been in before is quickly returning. “Yeah, okay.” He's stretched out on the ground so he can look at the sky properly and you're quick to lower yourself beside him.

And just like that, you're pointing out clusters of stars, laughing at the ridiculous names that you come up with. Your head pressed to his shoulder and his arm wrapped around you. You don't even notice as the hours tick by.

— you’re just his type. so it’s no surprise when all of his time and effort goes into making you his. though, they’ve always said… you only want it because you can’t have it.

⤪ masterlist ⤨

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A/N: timestamps make sense throughout the fic. if u want to be added to the tag list, send me an ask! + if you’ve asked to be on my permanent taglist, you do not need to ask to be added to this one !!

[sserpente]

A/N: Requests from @watermelon1568, @lokisgirl5, @cocoamoonmalfoy and anon. This is so fluffy and maybe a little silly, but in a good way! Enjoy everyone and have a good Christmas Eve! ♥

Words: 2635 Warnings: so much fluff, mentions of blood, implied smut

Additional NSFW warning: This Imagine contains implied period sex, just in case this is something you are uncomfortable with.

Loki might be a tiny tad OOC in this one because the requests were just so fluffy but I did my best! Enjoy!

-

Loki sighed. There you were again, running around with a list in hand looking much like the one Santa Clause had been carrying in that Christmas film Thor had forced him to watch. For the past few days, weeks almost, actually, you had been collecting everyone’s Christmas wishes like a squirrel collecting nuts for the winter. Even he knew everyone’s Christmas wishes by now. You had truly asked everybody, even the cleaning women who came to tidy up the entire Avengers facility once a week.

Loki could not quite put his finger on what it was that fascinated him so much about you—all he did know was that he too wanted to get you a Christmas present, if only just to see the surprised look on your face. He almost snorted. It was disappointment he felt, disappointment and envy because he longed to be the one to put a smile on your face on Christmas Day—and he didn’t even celebrate Christmas, not really.

Furthermore, he had not failed to notice how you avoided his presence like you were playing cat and mouse. You had, much to his surprise, asked him for his Christmas wish too the other day, all timid and unable to look him in the eye and Loki had been so taken aback he had not known an answer. The God of Mischief was many things but he was not blind and not stupid—he was perceptive. Villain or not, you were into him—and he was going to get your confession.

Smirking to himself, and determined to put an end to playing tag, he followed you into the empty hallway on your way back to your room, pushed past you and then unceremoniously blocked your way.

“O-Oh… hey, Loki.” You chirped.

“Are you in a hurry?”

“I, uh, actually, um… n-no?”

“Well, you did ask me what I wanted for Christmas, did you not?”

“Oh!” Your face lit up. “Oh, yes! Yes, what would you like?”

Loki thought about it for a moment. He needed an answer fast to not look like a moron now.

His lips parted. “I do miss writing with a quill and ink. Could you acquire a set for me? Surely, they are still being used on Midgard.”

Geez! How had you not thought about that? Loki truly was a scholar with all those books in his room, and that was a marvellous idea. “Y-yes, of course!” You responded, nodding eagerly in the process. But when you moved forward, Loki, instead of letting you pass now, put his hand against the wall so you were trapped.

“Hmm… Is there a particular reason you always get so nervous in my presence?” He asked. Your eyes widened. Fuck.

“Y-you… you tried to… you almost took over t-the p-planet, you k-know.” You lied quickly.

“Ah, yes. Of course… that must be it.” He responded with a knowing smirk. Oh, fuck. Did he have to be so god damn gorgeous?

“You never said what it was you want for Christmas, my dear.” He said then, blue eyes locking with yours. Your heart skipped a beat—no, actually, you were wondering whether it was still beating at all. You did have a Christmas wish, of course and you wanted to do backflips all across the hallway that Loki of all people took an interest in what you’d like—or maybe he just wanted to make conversation. Keep calm.

“Oh… it’s silly. Not really possible.” You replied sheepishly, gasping when he hooked a finger under your chin to gently force you to look up at him. He was definitely going to be the death of you.

“Tell me.” He urged you on.

“The only thing I… I’ve always wanted to have a dog. A loyal non-human companion, someone to cuddle with when it’s cold and who will never judge me but love me just the way I am… and they are just so cute! But that’s not possible,” You repeated quickly. “Imagine an innocent little puppy when everything’s on fire and another alien race attacks the planet!”

Loki hummed. Dogs were not common on Asgard. He himself had had a pet snake growing but released it into the wild after Thor and his friends had repeatedly stolen it to play silly and dangerous games. He could see why you kept that wish to yourself. Living among the Avengers, a dog might get in the way during missions—he did not doubt it would be helpful and capable of tearing off their enemies’ faces but your worry for it would distract you from a fight.

Still… perhaps there was a way. A smirk grew on his lips and your flustered reaction to it pleased him, making it grow wider.

-

It was early Christmas morning when Loki returned. It had taken him all of his wit and cunningness to leave the Avengers facilities unattended and without anyone asking suspicious questions but he had succeeded. The wooden box he was carrying—with many holes in them so the little creature could breathe—Loki sneaked across the hallway and past your room to hide his present for you in his own, already imagining your priceless reaction… was he hoping for a hug? Oh, he was. When was the last time anyone had hugged him? Perhaps you would, upon receiving the fluffy little creature in the box.

The dog winced. “Shh! Quiet, you silly little creature, you are going to wake up your mother!”

It was then he heard an ear-piercing scream coming from your room. He nearly dropped the box, turning on his heel to storm into your room like a tornado annihilating everything in its path. Your bed was empty, the sheets ruffled. There was a small beam of light coming from your bathroom—the closer he came, the more he could make out the rustling of fabric.

“I bloody hate being a woman…” You murmured to yourself, making the God of Mischief frown. Alarmed, he stepped closer and entered the bathroom without knocking—he barely remembered to set the box aside to draw his daggers if need be.

You were sat on the toilet, your white Christmas pyjamas with candy canes and gingerbread men on them soiled with blood. Loki’s eyes widened. There was blood on the floor too… and on your fingers.

His fingers were itching to materialise his weapons, yet he could see no enemy who could have attacked you. You gasped when he barged into the room, concealing your nakedness from the waist down with some toilet paper.

“What in the nine happened to you?” The amount of blood was almost concerning for a mortal. Had someone surprised you in your sleep? Who had managed to break into the Avengers facilities in the first place?

“How did you get in here? No wait, you’re awake already? Umm… Merry Christmas?” You swallowed. Talk about embarrassing yourself in front of the God of Mischief.

“We need to get you to a healer… a doctor, that is what you call them here?” You stared at him for a moment.

The last thing he expected was for you to burst out laughing. The whole situation was so hilarious you even forgot to be nervous around him for once.

“Oh, Loki… I’m okay, I’m not dying, I promise. I got surprised by my period, is all.”

“Your… period? Your period… as in your menstruation cycle?”

“Yes. Do women on Asgard not have that?”

“They do but… not like this.” Heavens, he felt stupid. He had thought you were dying, openly shown his concern… and you had laughed.

“Loki…” It was like you had heard his thoughts. “Thank you for checking on me. I was just being frustrated but I promise I’m okay.” You had probably disturbed his sleep but the fact that Loki cared enough to come to your help, admitting that just perhaps… he actually liked you. “W-would you mind?” Loki raised his brows, his lips parting.

“Yes, of course.”

He turned around for you to get dressed again (never before had you been more grateful for the pile of more or less dirty laundry on the floor next to your toilet) and nodded, only realising now that he had indeed just proved that one way or another, he had taken a liking into you. It was then the dog winced again just outside the bathroom door.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. In fact, I shall leave you… how did you get out of that box?” Eager and curious, the puppy must have somehow knocked its wooden box over. When Loki looked behind him, he found the lid on the floor, the young dog hurtling towards you.

“Oh my god! Hey there, little guy! Where did you come from?” You giggled when the dog attempted to jump up on you. You picked it up, grinning when it licked your face. “Aren’t you adorable?”

Loki pursed his lips. Oh, great. Now he was getting the hug. He furrowed his brows. Heavens, this was an innocent little puppy. Against all reason, he already loved the little guy with all his heart himself, how could he possibly feel jealous?

“You were not supposed to see it yet. I was going to put the box under the Christmas tree.”

“R-really? You mean… he’s for me? Oh, Loki… but h-how? I mean… I love him. But how can I keep him safe here? Is that really a good idea?”

“Well… he is, in fact, not a normal dog.” Loki remarked.

Your eyes widened. “What does that mean?”

“Dogs are rare on Asgard but there are indeed a few traders who raise them. This unprepossessing creature has a life expectancy five times as high as Midgardian dogs—not to mention it is stronger, more intelligent and much like Thor and me, more resistant to pain and injury.”

“You’re a superdog then, aren’t you? Yes, you are, such a good boy. I need a name for him.” You announced. Loki raised his arms. That would be your decision. His pet snake had never had a name. “I’ll think of something.” Smiling, you stepped forward and kissed Loki on the cheek whose lips parted in surprise.

“Thank you so much. I didn’t think you would… why did you?” He said nothing in response. He couldn’t possibly tell you that he wanted a hug and that the only person he wanted it from was you. Your lips on his face had already felt like liquid fire, warming him from the inside out. Heavens, what was wrong with him? You were a mortal. He couldn’t possibly like you this much.

“You should go back to bed.” He said after a while, clearing his throat. “It is still early.” You nodded. He was right. Besides, you and your little puppy needed to get to know each other.

Needless to say, however, you couldn’t fall asleep again after you had gotten changed into new pyjamas and then cuddled with your new pet. Loki had gotten you a dog. Why? He owed you nothing, and quite on the contrary, you highly doubted Loki would even bother to get the rest of the Avengers a Christmas gift.

-

In the meantime, Loki himself returned to his room, shaking his head in the process. He was being ridiculous. The other day in the hallway, he had still managed to remain composed but the more time he spent around you, the softer he became for you.

He had been worried for you upon seeing all that blood and it had scared him. Love and affection weren’t exactly emotions he got to experience a lot and then for a human of all species…

He realised with a start just what it was that was happening to him. He was courting you, wasn’t he? He had not done anything alike in years, the last time for a beautiful Asgardian woman who had turned out to take more interest in Thor than him.

Loki was no expert on dating. He had never had the need for it… not until you. A growl escaped his lips. How dangerous for his already shattered heart would it be to give in to his desire and make you smile again? To feel your lips against his skin once more?

Another growl. He was addicted to you already. Jumping up from the bed, he left the facilities again, this time to head a few miles west. Frigga had always said that love goes through the stomach. He might as well try that strategy out.

-

About two hours later, there was a soft knock on your door. You stirred, eyes fluttering open. Your puppy—you had still not thought of a name for it—had curled up in your arms, still sleeping soundly.

“Yes?”

The door opened to reveal Loki. With a smirk, he produced something from behind his back—a box with the logo of your favourite pancake shop on it. Your jaw dropped.

“Merry Christmas.” He announced.

“Oh my goodness… Loki, you are so sweet.”

The God of Mischief raised an eyebrow. “Sweet is not exactly what I was hoping for.” He replied, albeit smiling.  You sat up carefully to not wake the puppy, accepting the pancakes all the while licking your lips hungrily. Now that was one way to start Christmas Day.

“How about considerate?” You tried again, smiling up at him sweetly. Loki smirked, hands clasped behind his back. He almost appeared a little… awkward.

You longed to ask him why he was doing all this but then again… you could think of only one answer. It couldn’t possibly be, no?

“Care to share? They are really good.”

“It appears so. The entire restaurant smelled like a sugar realm.”

“Is that a thing?”

“No.”

“Oh… pity.” He chuckled.

Twenty minutes in which you silently ate with relish went by, the puppy still sleeping peacefully in your bed, with you unable to stop petting it all the time. Once you had finished the very last bite, you simply dropped the empty takeaway-packaging on the floor.

“Thank you so much, Loki. I couldn’t have imagined better Christmas presents.”

He nodded, watching your every move as you moved in to give him another kiss on the cheek.

This time though, in just this moment, Loki turned his head to face you again, your lips landing on his instead. You gasped, even more so when he deepened the kiss, moving his mouth gently against yours, tongue slipping between your lips to taste you. Oh my god. Loki was kissing you. Loki was kissing you!

It felt like a demon from Muspelheim had set his body on fire, from the inside out. Loki was ablaze. Unable to stop himself, his arms came up to pull you closer into his body until you were straddling him, your fingers digging into his clothes. You both knew where this was going.

There was no doubt you were going to wake up the little dog when you pushed him back on the mattress, overcome with a sudden confidence and hunger that made you feel invincible. Loki did not object. The only reason you hesitated was the fact you remembered just then that you were on your period. Reluctantly, you pulled away.

“Loki… maybe we should do this… another time. My… period, remember?”

“A little bit of blood will not stop me from ravishing you, my dear.” Your heart skipped a beat.

“A-are you sure?”

Loki nodded slowly and intimately, his blue gaze never leaving yours.

Next thing you knew, the both of you lost all of your layers of clothing one by one. Scratch making a list for Christmas presents for your friends to make them happy… you couldn’t quite believe that Loki actually reciprocated your affection for him. This certainly was the most amazing Christmas yet.

-

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, I would appreciate it so much if you considered supporting me on Kofi! It’s either for caffeine or red wine, I’ll take both. ko-fi.com/sserpente ♥

[cherryonigiri]

S/O that thirsts over anime/game guys

reposted bc wasn’t showing up in the tags + I want to keep nsfw under the cut

@nononononojustno asked: Okay so could you write a headcanon where 2 random boys (can you pick then? I love all of boys from hq) and Ushi-kun where they walk on their gfs fangirling or thirsting over another anime/game character?And she was talking how hot he is? How they would react?👀😂 have a great day/night and dont forget to eat and get rest, love you💕

A/N: hahahahaha i laughed while writing this. FYI these are all based on legit crushes i had on anime/game characters at some point in my life - see if you’ve watched the shows i’ve watched :) ILY I PROMISE I’M DOING MY BEST TO EAT THREE MEALS A DAY AND GET ADEQUATE SLEEP MWAH. also i went overboard and added an extra boy bc why not. These are a little shorter since there were 4 characters but I hope you enjoy!

Content warning: implied nsfw for Atsumu + slight nsfw hcs for Matsukawa (both are under the cut)

PS: If anyone wants a spicy sequel/one shot for matsukawa i’m open to the idea 👀👀 let me know in my inbox!

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Ushijima definitely knows you’re into anime + games

Having visited your dorm room on multiple occasions he’s seen your extensive collection of manga, anime posters and you always seem to be playing on your switch whenever you have free time

Of course, he notices a significant portion of your collection is centered on male characters

And you’ve definitely mentioned a few games to him - Ikemen Sengoku, Code:Realize, Hakuouki (wow i’m really out here exposing myself) etc.

He doesn’t really mind though? Like - at the end of the day these are 2D men, whereas he is a very real boyfriend

At least he thinks he doesn’t mind

Recently, he notices that you seem to be on your phone a lot, and you seem to be texting the same group chat very often

He asks why and you laugh - it’s not actual text messages you’re just trying out a new otome/simulation game called Mystic Messenger. He finds the name silly but he just brushes it off he’s definitely J E A L O U S

Until one day he walks into your room while you’re calling one of your friends to freak out about that specific game

You sound kind of teary from outside the door “Oh MY GOD OH MY GOD I GOT THE GOOD ENDING WITH JUMIN!” and “[friend name] I THINK I CAN DIE HAPPY I’M MARRIED TO JUMIN HAN WHAT MORE DO I NEED IN LIFE” and “HE’S SO FREAKING ATTRACTIVE UGH I AM BLESSED”

He’s like who TF is Jumin and immediately bursts into your room looking pissed off

Poor babie is all like “you’re married?” and “if you had someone else you were interested in you should have told me.” “Who is this Jumin Han???” 🧐

Oh my god you start cackling, but you manage to tell him that NO you are not married and that Jumin Han is a fictional character from the game you’re playing

Ushijima looks confused after you explain - why would you find fictional men attractive when you’re already dating him?

Tendou almost dies laughing the next day when Ushijima tells him about what happened

Oikawa Tooru

Since practice finishes pretty late he usually goes to see you at your house at night, but tonight things wrapped up earlier - he’s excited to spend more time with you

You’ve finished up most of your homework so you’ve just been rewatching Attack on Titan since you’re super excited for the new season

You’re kinda distracted/have headphones on so you don’t hear your boyfriend knock on the front door. Your mom answers it and lets him in and he climbs the stairs

He can hear your fangirling (freaking out) over something as he walks towards your room

You jump in surprise when he opens the door, because you thought he would be a bit later but immediately release your pent up excitement

“Tooru just LOOK at him he’s such a bad ass like oh my gosh he literally has swords and he’s still running around slaying the MPs who have guns. God whenever he gets angry he looks so hot,” etc. etc.

You’re shoving your laptop in his face, showing him gifs and video of attack on titan, specifically the captain of the survey corps that you are obsessed with

Tooru gets it - for him its space, shitty alien films and astronomy. For you it’s video games and anime - or more specifically, handsome characters from said franchises

Even though he understand that it’s something you’re passionate about he still makes a whole show about whining how you’re in love with Levi Ackerman (lmao i still thirst over our favorite captain) instead of him

“y/n i’m taller than him! And more handsome! He has blood on him all the time! And he’s super annoying because he’s obsessed with cleaning.” *cue pouty Tooru*

You probably shouldn’t tell him that you are an avid follower of the levi x reader tag on tumblr

Tooru still somehow finds out you’re also reading reader insert fanfic and goes BERSERK with his pouting and whining - literally everyone and their mothers have heard his sob story about how “his darling y/n is leaving me for a short germaphobic asshole”

The rest of the team finds it hilarious - the end up pranking him by posting pictures of Levi in his school locker or texting them in the volleyball groupchat (Oikawa is Suffering™)

Makki and Mattsun get him a Levi keychain for his birthday and cackle when he chucks it violently into the nearest trash can

Miya Atsumu

Doesn’t really know you’re into anime/gaming at first

I don’t think that’s on purpose - Atsumu just has such a one track mind when it comes to volleyball and he’s always busy with practice

so he just kinda doesn’t really give all the anime merch in your room a second glance even though it’s a dead giveaway

I bet Atsumu secretly watches some superhero anime - probably shounen stuff like My Hero Academia, one punch man etc.

He probably starts to notice you’re into anime/games because you’ll play games on your phone/gaming device all the time

One day he notices you’re giggling + blushing while looking at your screen. He’s curious to he heads over to you when coach says they can have a break

Peeks over your shoulder because he wants to know what you’re playing - but instead he’s greeted by some 2D samurai guy called Harada Sanosuke asking you to marry him

“Huh, I didn’t know you were into this kinda stuff y/n” tries to sound playful but internally he is screaming / ?????? WOT I DIDN’T KNOW MY S/O WAS INTO OTOME GAMES

Atsumus pretty chill about it at first, he probably teases you a lot about playing the game but isn’t really bugged about it

“Maybe you should thirst over your boyfriend instead of a fictional character babe~”

I mean - he knows he’s attractive and why be jealous? You only really play the game when he’s busy and you don’t really let the game play seep into your dates/hangouts

But one time he walks in on you reading some ~spicy~ hakuouki x reader fanfic and he’s like are u serious

Like you were lowkey quiet screaming to yourself and muttering “omg omg omg” when he walked in and you definitely tried to close your laptop so he couldn’t see what was open in your browser

Too bad Atsumu has mad reflexes and manages to prevent you from making your computer go to sleep

Briefly skims whatever it was that you were reading and smirks at you

“Hey, if you really want something like this, why don’t you let your real boyfriend deliver” before kissing you

Matsukawa Issei

Look, Issei just wants a chill movie/tv show night where the two of you can bundle up on the couch and binge whatever anime you feel like

Has everything set up - this man is ready to go: snacks? he has all of your favorites, couch? filled with soft pillows + multiple pillows. Attire? Comfy sweatpants shirtless 🥵

Last time he chose the series for your binge sleepover so he let you choose what the two of you were gonna watch this time

Turns out you decided to watch Psycho-Pass - it seemed like a pretty cool show, he was down with the whole dystopia/psychological concept

Starts out pretty normal, is appreciating the action + mystery elements and is glad that you chose that show

About halfway through the anime you two decide to take a break - he goes to the kitchen to refill your snacks, leaving to stretch you back.

When he comes back with more food, he notices that you’re hunched over your phone, typing something

He sneaks up behind you after he puts the food down, “Whatcha reading there babe?” You squeak and try to hide your phone, but not before he sees the words kougami x reader typed into your tumblr search bar

Lit-rally exCuSE me what - he’s not mad (more amused than anything else) but he also kind wants to tease you (bc Mattsun is a little shit)

“Is that the reason you wanted to watch this show?” he asks playfully. “He’s pretty hot tho, I kinda agree with you there babe.”

Now that he’s released the floodgate, he can’t stop your occasional comments like “omg how does he look so GOOD when he’s punching someone” or “he could shoot me with his dominator and i’d still say thank you”

The thirst comments are kinda getting to him, so he decides to take things in a different direction

“Let me what I can show you with my dominator~” L M A O I’M SORRY THIS EXISTS

Suddenly you’re being pulled onto his lap, and pressed against his bare chest, Issei barely gives you time to adjust before he’s kissing you roughly, tongue plunging into your mouth

His hands wrap around your hips pressing your core closer to his own, and you can feel his hard-on pressing into your stomach

He’ll be sure to suck a dark hickey onto the side of your neck and his hands travel under your shirt, just to remind you who your real boyfriend is

Needless to say, you won’t remember a single thing about the second half of the show after the night is over couch sex? Couch sex 😏

[bts-hyperfixation]

I posted 2,999 times in 2021

608 posts created (20%)

2391 posts reblogged (80%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.9 posts.

I added 975 tags in 2021

#bts smut - 176 posts

#bts fic - 168 posts

#bts - 144 posts

#sr - 92 posts

#namjoon - 79 posts

#kpop smut - 72 posts

#namjoon smut - 66 posts

#icymi - 62 posts

#kpop fic - 59 posts

#jungkook - 57 posts

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

What are you doing Stepbro?

BTS reactions/scenarios - You are/are about to be stepsiblings

Smut

Warnings: so much oral, public, panty stealing, voyeurism, degradation, probably some others I missed....

4634 words - Enjoy

Namjoon

You’d not been in the shower long when the image sneaks into your mind

Your stepbrother after last night’s concert

Tongue running over his lips

Hair slicked back with sweat

Those brand-new muscles of his flexing in the lights.

The thought was positively sinful

You couldn’t help reaching for the detachable shower head

You lent back and closed your eyes, aiming the water pressure where you needed it most

You’re unsure of exactly how long you stood there with the jet pressed against you.

But it was long enough for Namjoon to get annoyed and barge in, maybe forgetting that you would be naked behind the bathroom door.

Maybe not caring

“For fucks sake Y/N you always use all the hot water when I’m home, you need to…”

Whatever the end of that sentence was going to be you never get to hear it.

Because he stops when he hears your name tumble from your lips

Once he takes in the compromising position you are in

And the fact you were thinking about him

There’s no blood left in his head to finish that thought.

Somehow you hadn’t heard him over your music and the water

But he takes the moan as an invitation

He removes his clothes and slides back the shower door.

Reaching for you and pulling you back into him before you have time to react to the surprise by falling over.

You scream anyway and he rushes to put a hand over your mouth

“Shush.” He whispers in your ear “Do you want mom and dad to know what a bad girl you’re being? Thinking about your brother while you get yourself off?”

His hands run down your sides before taking the shower head from you and replacing it on the wall

See the full post

315 notes • Posted 2021-07-10 11:29:05 GMT

#4

Cosy

You blackmail your roommate Jungkook into coming along to your family Christmas party so you can pretend you aren't the only single over 20 left.

Prompt: fluffy with smut

8)“It’s too cold, I can’t sleep.”

10)“You look so cosy.”

17)“I can’t let you spend (holiday) alone.”

No kinks were included but there is a lot of biting in this for some reason...

“Pretty pretty pretty please JK? I’ll do your laundry for a month?” You beg.

“I send my laundry out.” He says not even looking away from his phone.

“I’ll buy all your drinks on the next night out?” You bargain.

“With a face this pretty you think I buy my own drinks?” He scoffs.

“I’ll help you get a date with Nabi?” surely flaunting your work friend would work? He is always staring at her

“I’m not interested Y/N. Nothing on this earth could make me want to go with you to your families Christmas party.” Jungkook stands from the sofa and starts to head into his room.

“Please? I can’t be the only single one over 20 again! Pretty please.”

“Umm? Be your fake boyfriend for a night of boring conversation with your uncles? OR? Game all night with the boys and making fun of you when you get home?” He says weighing his hands like they are scales.

“I will share those photos of you from the Halloween party if you don’t” That makes him hesitate.

“You wouldn’t..?”

“Try me!” You smirk to yourself knowing you’ve won. He’d passed out at the end of the last Halloween party and Jin and Jimin had thought it’d be absolutely hilarious to take bits from costumes that had been abandoned throughout the evening and dress him up a bit. He ended up looking less than hot in his new coconut bra, cowgirl hat, and smeared red lipstick.

You were about to start gloating when he launched himself across the room at you. Unprepared to hold the sudden weight of a man made of muscle, you fell to the ground hard as he tried to wrestle your phone out of your grasp. He tickled your sides until you released the device. He then manhandled you into unlocking it and sat on your chest until he found the offending photographs.

“There, now you have no blackmail.” He says triumphantly.

“Those aren’t the only copies Kookie, I’m not that stupid.” You roll your eyes and start pushing at his legs to get him off your chest. It’s very difficult to breathe with your roommate crushing your lungs (For more than one reason if you’re being honest). The man pouted as he helped you up from the floor.

“You know if you’d offered like one more nice thing I would’ve just gone right?” He said dusting himself and then you off.

“No, you wouldn’t” You shrugged. “Anyway the party is on Friday, we should only be there like two hours and then we can go to the bar or something and get those drinks I’m going to owe you.” He nods.

The party wasn’t altogether awful, but it was a lot longer than you had promised it would be. The two of you had been stuck helping out. On the bright side your mother was delighted that you and Jungkook were finally dating… There was a lot of ‘finallys’ and ‘about time he asked yous’ floating around that you kept forgetting to ask about as you got swept away by another family member.

It was about 11 pm by the time the party died down enough that you thought it’d be okay to slip away. Your nieces, nephews, and cousins kids had all fallen asleep in their parent's arms and been carried away, your grandparents were eager to beat the snow, and the last of your parent’s friends were gathering their coats. You glance at Jungkook who, despite his protests, seemed to be having a great time talking to your dad. You decided to leave them be and help your mom a little with clean up. You chatted away to your mum as you gathered plates and glasses from around the downstairs. None of you had bothered to look outside. Jungkook came to find you about an hour later.

“You ready to go sweetheart?” He asked hugging you from behind and catching you off guard. He’d been doing it all night. Small touches to make your ruse seem more realistic. Holding your hand when you walked in, stroking your thigh as you sat down, a hand in your back pocket to keep you together. You couldn’t help but get a little flustered ever time he threw in a term of endearment. If only they were real.

“Go?” Your dad asked “Have you not seen the snow? I’m not letting you kids go anywhere in that.” He points to the kitchen window. No wonder you hadn’t noticed until it was pointed out though, you can’t see anything that was further than a foot away. Everything is covered in a thick blanket of pristine snow, and it was still coming down hard.

“Oh dear, I wasn’t expecting guests… We only have your room free at the minute, Christmas has taken over your sister's room.” Your mom states.

“Well, what’s wrong with your room?” Jungkook asks nuzzling into your neck. You swat him away as his breath tickles.

“I took my double bed to our place, so they bought a single to replace it.” You explain.

See the full post

359 notes • Posted 2021-12-09 15:46:39 GMT

#3

Jeon Jungkook

Smut - 🥵 Angst - ☠️ Fluff - 💗

With All My Heart – Friends To Lovers 🥵💗

Jungkook returns from tour, determined to get you to stop treating him like a child

Why Don’t You Love Me Like I Do? – Yandere🥵☠️

Jungkook can’t understand why you wouldn’t want him the way he wants you.

Pretty Baby – Sub!JK 🥵

Tied up and helpless, you are free to edge your little bunny to your hearts content.

Dinner Time – Cockwarming 🥵

You don’t get to eat until Jungkook says so

Noona – Noona kink🥵

JK is desperate for you to see him as the man he really is.

Just One More – Subspace🥵

Fully out of it, JK begs you for just one more orgasm

Please?☠️

Trying to help him after a long day, you put away your boyfriend’s things for him. Halfway through unpacking his bag, you come across something that makes you feel sick.

Her☠️

After six months away you are more than excited to see your friend, until he turns up on your doorstep with someone else.

Love Of My Life🥵💗

When you turn up at the BigHit comeback party, the last thing you expect to see is a new girl hanging off of your friend.

Emergency!💗

You rush home when Jungkook calls refusing to explain what’s wrong.

Biggest Fan🥵 ☠️ 💗

You go to JK’s gig determined to end the night in his bed

Can We Recover?☠️

You come home early to surprise your fiancé, only to find him on the phone to his best man

Brother’s Best Friend🥵

You hate your brother’s best friend, but when your asshole boyfriend abandons you in a club you are left with no other option for a lift home.

Sweethearts🥵☠️💗

You were set to go to college with your high school sweetheart. It couldn’t have been more perfect… until you broke up in the first year.

See the full post

369 notes • Posted 2021-02-21 04:00:26 GMT

#2

Kinktober 2021 masterlist

 Namjoon – Breath Play  This work contains dubious consent

Jin – Yandere  This work contains dubious consent

Yoongi – Pegging

Hobi – Bondage, sub!Hobi

Jimin – Thigh Riding

Taehyung – Strength

Jungkook - Praise, sub!JK

OT7 x reader – How Y/N met Bangtan pt1 (Maknae line)

Namjoon – Blindfold, Gorgon Reader

Jin – Edging, sub!Jin, Genie Reader

Yoongi – Love, Muse Reader

Hobi – Cock Warming, Mermaid Reader

Jimin – Mommy, Omega Jimin

Taehyung – Somnophilia, Incubus Taehyung

Jungkook – Service!dom, Vengeance Demon Jungkook

OT7 x reader  – How Y/N met Bangtan pt2 (Hyung line)

Namjoon x Jimin – Spit

Jin x Jungkook – Cum Eating

Yoongi x Hobi – Chikan

Hobi x Jin – Dry Humping Fem!domme

Jimin x Taehyung – Body swap/spit roast

Taehyung x Yoongi – Double Penetration

Jungkook x Namjoon – Overstimulation

Namjoon – Impreg

Jin – Aftercare 

Yoongi – Orgasm Control

Hobi – Toys

Jimin – Marking

Taehyung – Pumpkin Carving?

See the full post

376 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 18:19:23 GMT

#1

Somnophilia

BTS scenario/reaction - Sex/Sexual acts while one is asleep

Warning: blowjobs, sex with the unconscious, consensual sex, female oral, fingering.

Smut under the cut

Namjoon

It was clear you had tried to wait for him but they'd been delayed

You'd fallen asleep in sexy lingerie

A book by your side and reading glasses askew on your face

Mouth ajar with a little drool

You still looked undeniably sexy all dressed up or rather down for him

He placed your book to the side careful to keep your page

He slipped the glasses away desperate not to wake you before having a little fun

You had had an agreement for a long time that he could touch you however and whenever he liked provided there was no safe word used.

He turned you gently onto your back and spread your legs wide enough for him to lie in between

He slides your panties out of the way and flattens his tongue against your folds

You start to stir as he sucks on your clit and pumps one finger into you

“Hi Jagi, sorry I'm late.”

You don't get a chance to respond before he is diving back in to make you moan for him

Seokjin

The clingiest man when he comes back from tour

Wants to do everything with you and for you

Cockwarming was something you did a lot during this time

An extra layer of intimacy you could share

Working from home, watching TV, playing video games

However this is the first time you've tried whilst asleep

Cuddly sleepers anyway it made sense

Until you're awoken by his thrusts

Once you figured out what was actually happening you couldn't help but be turned on

Jin was still asleep

Some wet dream being lived out in real time

See the full post

464 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 13:28:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[bronan]

Do you have any fun Jack Wheeler headcanons? I would love to hear about them!

wow anon it must be my birthday

Jack Wheeler Headcanons: Fun Edition  (headcanons are based on if he were to join the team because I need it)

Sneaky guy. Jack was so good at sneaking around, slipstreaming behind bad guys and taking them out quickly with just whatever crude weaponry he had at his disposal... maybe even just his hands heck. 🤔 What this means in day-to-day life is that he walks so quietly around the hub, just very used to disguising his footfalls out of habit, always takes corners cautiously and is very aware of his surroundings... which means he also accidentally scares the living daylights out of the team probably several times a day. 

Piggybacking off of that, once he gets his shocksuit, he absolutely abuses its cloaking feature and will not hesitate to go Solid Snake mode whenever he feels like it. TOTALLY cheats at hide and seek. Snowball fights are a nightmare with this man. You want Jack on your team and no he ain’t ever gonna change because he’s old and set in his ways and he WILL cheat at EVERY single game. He thinks its hilarious.

Sometimes Jack’s feeling extra froggy and decides to play a lil jokester prank on someone but gives himself away before he can scare them. Yeah, sometimes you just gotta terrorize these kids lmaooo

Yes he also cheats at cards yes he is SO good at it. Jack’s sleight of hand is so good, you’ll probably miss it unless you know what to look for. He’s so quietly smug about it, too. He wins by such a landslide, it can drive a person crazy. His poker face will break if you start throwing a tantrum and he’ll probably start laughing his ass off. Go ahead and reach for the nearest lamp at that point and beat him senseless with it-

Talks with his hands, he is actually a pretty animated guy. Especially when he’s excited. The way Jack talks and moves, you kind of get sucked right into the conversation and you might feel invested for no other reason, he’s just got that vibe and that old school charisma. Likes to spin stories and stuff. Jack tends to wear his heart on his sleeve but he doesn’t mean to. (He probably had a dad who told him boys can’t cry/be emotional/etc let’s be real. 😔 oops sorry these are supposed to be fun headcanons-)

Jack always carries a grease rag on him, stuffed into his back jeans pocket, but he also forgets its there way too often and will subconsciously resort to wiping his hands on his jeans or pristine white shocksuit. Dirtiest mf on the team [REAL]

jack👏is👏a👏hugger

HE’S A HUGGER

Sweet tooth. First thing on this man’s mind was kicking the door down to Zeke’s diner and eating a whole ass pie like come on how was I not supposed to take that and run with it. He’ll wake up in the middle of the night, sneak into the kitchen, and grab whatever he’s craving and take it back to bed. You ever wake up with crumbs and shit all over the bed?? yeah him too

Goes to Zeke’s diner for several reasons: to hang out with Zeke (they are buddies), to read the newspaper “in peace” (in quotes because you know Zeke is yacking his ear off the entire time), and to order a black coffee and the breakfast platter and then finish it off with some kind of dessert. The rituals are SO intricate. Simon starts tagging along with him on these morning missions and always promises to behave but man you know how it is with Simon 🥰

Jack was the kind of dad who argued with the umpire 💀 I just know it

no he doesn’t care that the kids “are six years old” ump, that call was BULLSHIT his son just hit the toddler equivalent of a home run are you blind??

he can’t help it, he just gets so invested in whatever Vert is doing and that probably goes tenfold once he finally makes his way back into his life. Making up for lost time and all that. Sorry for being overbearing but man he missed a lot of your milestones, didn’t he, Vert?? damn

okay I kind of ended it on a bit of a sad/bittersweet note but 😔 I hope you enjoyed my silly little thoughts... Jack yelling at the umpire came from an incredibly insightful conversation with @dylantics idk if you are aware but his brain is HUGE

[kim-ruzek]

So I saw your tags about having hcs for the Ruzek and Casey households and their kids 👀

Any Interest in sharing?! Please!

So this is all based around that my headcanon is that Kim and Sylvie are besties. Like those two are so similar and I truly believe they get along like a house on fire, so naturally when I think about their respective marriages and future kids I can't help but imagine them basically being family.

I've got a Lot, but I can't recall them all right now, so I've just typed out what I can, and I might add to this post at a later date!

• Sylvie is the godmother to Burzek's kids (at least the first born)

• Sylvie and Matt are both very good with construction and so, in addition to obviously teaching their own brood, they teach the Ruzeks too. Ally-- the Ruzek's firstborn-- is a pro at it, and it gets to a point where Adam is diying and she's just correcting him on things he's doing wrong.

• Adam teaches the Caseys how to sneak around like cops and combat roll and all that, which means they're very successful at creeping up behind their parents. Although it makes them really good at football/soccer so it makes Matt proud.

• When Kim is pregnant, and especially when she's closing into her due date, Adam gets into overprotective mode and is always calling Sylvie up with questions, and asking her to check in on Kim when he's at work and she's off shift.

• Sylvie and Adam has joked/bonded over the fact that they've both been engaged multiple times

• The Ruzek and Casey kids, with their parents, go on holidays together-- with the Severides, of course.

• Kim is basically Trudy's kid, as is Adam, and Sylvie is like Mouch's so they all have dinner round at plouch's, especially at holiday season times.

• Their kids see each other as cousins, which is solidified by the above hc, as they have the same honorary grandparents.

• With one of their kids, Sylvie and Kim are pregnant at the same time, so they spend a lot of their maternity leave together.

• Kelly and Stella are obviously the godparents to the Casey's firstborn, but with one of their later kids, the Ruzeks are named the godparents.

• In her teen years, Ally helps her Uncle Matt on his construction site

• Kim only has one niece, and she was born when Kim wasn't exactly at that point of her life as well, so she always was kinda sad that her kids won't really have cousins their age, so she's always so happy to see her kids and Sylvie's interacting

• Sylvie and Kim have bonded over coming from places where people expect you to have the quiet domestic life when they're both incredible go-getters

• They've also bonded over being such positive people whose gone through trauma.

• Once a month, when they can, they all have a game night together, often joined by Kelly and Stella, of course.

• I don't exactly have specific headcanons, but I do love thinking about how they all bond. Like how Sylvie and Kim bond, how Sylvie and Adam bond, how Kim and Matt bond, how Matt and Adam bond all individually.

• I've got some pretty specific ideas of how Matt and Adam would bond (bc it's hilarious imagining these two being like,,, our girls are besties, we really need to get to know eachother) but what I love most is that both of them are really loyal, AND that both of them weren't ever taught that they're allowed to want things out of a relationship as well.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'll probably be adding more when I recall more of them!!!

Thank you for asking, I love that someone is interested in hearing about them, especially from just seeing it from my tags, and I'm sorry I can't recall more right now! 💖

[ijwrsmff]

Hello, firstly, I absolutely adore your writing!! Its so good!!!💕💕 secondly, can I make a request for dbd killers reacting to their survivor s/o losing their glasses during a trial? Maybe like Trapper, Danny, and a third of your choosing? Or just the two or one!! Either way, thank you and again, love your writing!!💕

Heh...heheh...for the record, I will almost ALWAYS use Frank if I have a choice. He is my nasty number one. So do with that information what you will. 

I got a little inspired. So enjoy. 

The Trapper/Evan:

You are most likely to get some semblance of mercy with Evan. 

Some

He isn’t one to let you LIVE simply because he cares for you. But...why do you have to be so helpless?

At first he’s a bit confused, looking around. Did one of the survivors hurt you? Why were you on the ground? He hasn’t even hit you yet!

When he sees you looking around, glasses missing from where they were usually placed on your face, it clicked. 

He audibly sighed. 

It gained your attention, and you looked up to see a blur. It was safe to assume it was Evan. 

“I’m sorry! I lost them somewhere! Can you help me find them? You can hook me after I promise I just need to find them! What if when I get sent back to camp I’m without my glasses I can’t-”

You stopped rambling when you saw him crouch to begin looking with you. 

You mumbled a small thank you as you both looked. 

It was clear he was being more careful than usual, though as a sound resounded in the air to indicate a generator had been completed, he rushed a bit more than usual. 

After the second generator completed and you still hadn’t found them, you heard him get up and leave. Presumably to hook the others. 

It wasn’t much longer after that you found them, unintentionally letting out a yell of excitement. 

He didn’t come after you. 

Soon, he had successfully hooked and sacrificed all three of your friends. 

You waited, knowing you didn’t help either party with their side of the game, and expected your partner to hook you. 

He didn’t. You thought he might, given that he had you down and bleeding on the floor. 

He walked not too far from where your glasses had dropped, and actively threw you into the hatch. 

He crossed his arms as you fell through the hatch, looking like a disapproving mother. 

He wouldn’t let you get away with it again, but he wasn’t heartless. He knew the trials were difficult enough when you could see. 

Just this once. 

That’s what he told himself. 

Ghostface/Danny:

Danny is...not as merciful. 

In fact, he thinks it’s hilarious. 

The trials as a whole for Danny aren’t about winning. It’s about hurting people and having fun doing it. 

There was not a single person in either camp who thought of the vicious trials as a game as much as Danny. 

That being said, when he found you, you certainly didn’t see him back. That wasn’t unusual, as when he knew you were in a trial with him? He made it his goal to sneak up on you so much you screamed. 

Sometimes it almost seemed like he cared more about surprising you than actually following the rules of the game. 

You knew Danny was who you were up against, you saw him outside of the window you were by as you worked to repair a generator. 

He was the whole reason you lost them in the first place. 

You vaulted the window and somehow managed to fling your glasses off in the process. 

Danny was in the perfect position to successfully sneak up on you...except for his poor attempt to keep his giggling in. 

Before long he was laughing up a storm, near rolling on the ground as you grew increasingly frustrated with the lack of help from your partner. 

He just gained a new mission for this trial

He spent every last second crawling circles around you, taking as many pictures as possible, just to see your frustrated pouty-face as he did. 

Relishing in that for a few minutes, you didn’t see how he found your glasses. 

You wouldn’t know until after he hooked every single survivor, saving you for last.

Just before the entity took you, he reached up and placed a quick kiss on your lips, slipping your glasses back on while your eyes were closed. 

“You’re an asshole.” Was your last statement to him before time ran out. 

The last thing you heard? A laugh coming from a man who was way too amused by the situation. 

The Legion/Frank:

Frank is...well an asshole. More So than Danny. 

Frank downs you when you’re looking for your glasses, even when you try explaining why you were there, he isn’t listening. 

He’s in it to win it, no matter what that may entail. 

You knew this about him, but didn’t think he’d rob you of your sight. 

He had a reputation, at least that’s what he explains. 

You’re hooked within the first several minutes, and even when your friends come to save you he downs them too. 

You were useless at repairing generators, and your friends ushered you away to look for your glasses while they made progress. 

You didn’t get far before Frank had you down again.

It wasn’t like you could see him coming.

Any attempt to run you made was futile, always running into pallets or tripping over twigs. 

You could see him standing over you, but waited for him to hurry up and hook you again so the match could continue. 

You saw him lean closer, and you closed your eyes, knowing you’d be hooked again soon. 

Before it happened, you felt a familiar weight placed on your face. 

Blinking several times, you looked up at him confused. He wasn’t one for acts of kindness...not during trials anyways. 

“Oh no, don’t worry doll. That was for me and me alone. I just love the way you look up at me when I do this…”

What was he planning? Oh. 

You let out a shriek of pain as he stabbed you on the spot. 

Bastard must have sacrificed a mori. 

At least you had your glasses back. 

Tags: @highdwightofmylife

@melodramatic-butterfly

[popculturebuffet]

Top 13 Venture Bros Episodes!

In honor of it’s recent passing I take a look at the best episodes of easily one of the best adult animated, or animated period, shows ever and one of my faviorites. Join me as I look back on Grand Galactic High  Inquistors, Venturestiens, ninja filled first dates, Noir, super science garage sales and much more under the cut, and GO TEAM VENTURE!

As I said in the teaser.. the Venture Bros is one of my favorite shows of all time. Starting way back in 2003, the show created by Jackson “Christopher Mculloch” Publick and from mid season 1 onwards cowritten, plotted and what have you by his best friend and creative soulmate Doc Hammer, the show enjoyed a healthy 17 year run on adult swim, making it the longest standing show and despite the years of hiatuses between episodes it’s most popular till Rick and Morty came around. The show endured through changing trends in animation, network shifts and scabies until it’s recently announced, though apparently having happened months ago, cancellation.  I watched the show from the start, sneaking it as a boy and by my teen years watching it every week online through Adult Swim’s website and lapping up every episode, becoming a huge fan in the process and continuing my huge love of the series through the rest of it’s life, breifly forgetting to watch season 6 but getting back to it weekly for the 7th, and currently unless adult swim does indeed find a way to bring it back, final season. This show has been a part of my life since it started, and a part of me for slightly less long: it informed my sense of humor, probably informed my comics taste in ragtag groups consiting of lesser known characters, and informed me david bowie existed for which my life will ever be better.  It was a part of me and while I gave it a breif memorial earlier I felt after my long content hiatus due to my moven to another room, and for the 1 of you reading this who reads my amphibia weekly coverage it’ll be back shortly, that honoring a show that gave me so much and made me who I am, in a good way I know i’m kind of a mess so that statment could be seen as a threat in some states, by diving into my faviorite episodes of it and the ones I honeslty consider i’ts finest half hours.. or hours in two cases but we’ll get to that. 

For now it’s time to have your ro-bo pour you a red mocho cooler, slap on your vintage batman mask, and eat some pennies quizboys, this is my top 13 venture bros episodes. Pitter Patter!

13. It Happening One Night (Season 6, Episode 6) 

Season 6 had a huge burst of fresh energy and ideas: Doc and Jackson moved the show to New York for a number of reasons: To shake things up, because they lived there and thus could inject the energy of a city they loved in and because one of the series biggets inspriations is marvel comics, as seen by the sheer number of marvel parodies and homages in comparison to dc or other superhero outlets, so having New York be the big hub for superhero and villian activity in the ventureverse was a no brainer. This also moved the ventures from an isolated corner of the Ventureverse on their old compound, which burned down in the gargantua 2 special, right into the heart of it, bringing in tons of new characters to the already large cast. Not only that but it thrust our heroes and villian protaganists both into new and intresting situations: Doctor Venture was suddenly rich and running his own think tank with white and billy. Dean was going to college, Hank found a love intrest in Serena, more on that obviously in a second, Brock returned to the team proper as bodyguard once more, while the Monarch grappled with both his father being a hero and his wife being promoted and their marraige hitting choppy waters. It had great new characters like warina and serena, brought fan faviorite brown widow in if not as much as i’d like frankly, but there’s always room for nathan fillion, and freshened things up a bit.  Granted one of Venture Bros biggest strengths was it didn’t have the rigid status quo, or entire lack of any continuity a lot of animated shows at the time and even now have, that things changed and evolved and the universe was dense as it was wonderful. But here instead of just moving the pieces around the board and maybe slapping on some new coats of pait, they threw the board up and put the pieces on an enitrley new one. However all this experimentation did nick the show a little: while it was a step up from the rather standard outside of Dean’s plot Season 5 (which not concendtially is the only season not represented here), it also felt like the plots were a bit looser and some characters like Dermott and Dr. Orpheous, one of whom had a huge untouched subplot and the other who was a beloved fan faviorite and fixture of the show since season 1, got left out all together. It was a decent season it just felt lacking at times, and the Monarch and Shielda’s relationship disolving wasn’t at all fun to watch and thankfully got resolved next season. And that was the other problem: Due to wanting to give their big epic finale the room it needed and only having 8 episodes to work with due to the special, they had to move it to next season which meant it just sorta.. ended with most things left unresolved till season 7. Thankfully for me I didn’t get around to watching this season till close to 7, but for everyone else they had to wait YEARS for a proper resolution. It was  a mixed bag of a season, the mass changes leading to growing pains, but it had it’s moments. And naturally our one season 6 representivie here is it’s finest. 

It Happening One Night juggles two diffrent but equally awesome plots. In the first Hank goes on his first date with Serena, their new next door neighbor and daughter of big villain in town, new councilman and combination of kingpin and tobias whale, Wide Whale. Serena was one of the best additions to the series, voiced by a game Cristini Miloti, she’s a no nonsense girl with a sharp tounge, an annoyance with her father and his number 2 rocko’s overprotectivness of her and gills and meshes well with hank: Her no nonsense and more down to earth attitude compliments his up int he clouds weirdness and lack of reality really well and the two were cute together. Were... while they’d do.. things I did not like.. with her character next season, for this one she’s great and a fine addition and it was nice to give one of the boys a proper love interest, while also having her be her own person. Sure all her plots centered around hank.. but she still felt like a fully realized addition to the cast and given this was over a decade in with so many great members it wasn’t an easy task.  The date is paticuarlly hank as he has a carraige (his air car) ready, has dean chauffer them, has Billy and White show up as street toughs to challenge him to a dance off and dinner is at a ninja themed restraunt Dean’s friend Jared, aka brown widow, works at. It’s really adorable and charming stuff, and the two genuinely bond, and Hank gets some good character stuff. He genuinely worries Serena is only intrested to piss off her dad.. but fins she likes him for who he is: his charm, his lack of fear, and the fact he went so far for a romantic gesture he had his friends dress up as street toughs, or the hank venture idea of one anyway, and get into a dance off just to impress. her. it’s really good stuff. The Ninja themed restraunt is also both hilarious and apparently a very real thing the creators actually toned down. I’m unsuprised by all of this. The two also dodge their bodyguards, Brock and Rocco and share a romantic kiss underwater leading to the above. It’s a really good plot and the easy reason why I put it on here and defintely a review cantidate.  The other plot however is just pure comedy and invention. While the Monarch works on his plan to use his dad’s blue morpho guise to take out the other arches on his way to venture, Venture is plauged by the utterly bizzare and utterly delightful Doom Factory: A combination of Andy Warhol and his hangers on and the legion of doom... yes this actually happened. While I know nothing of Warhol and thus a lot of it flew over my head, it’s made up for by the sheer joyous lunacy of having the art school version of the legion of doom arch rusty by invading his house, throwing a party and taking various pictures of him in his underwear. The one mistep of the episode is them getting blown up at the end despite being great, but their one apperance was a treat, and it was such a great and bizzarely speific parody I couldn’t help but love it. It was a good night indeed. 

12. Tag Sale, You’re It! (Season 1, Episode 6 (10 in airing order) Season 1 of The Venture Bros is a bit rocky. It’s not unusual for season 1′s but it’s understandable, espcesially now i’ve read Go Team Venture!: The Art of the Venture Bros, the art book for the series as well as a full on making of for seasons 1-6, and know the team was under immense crunch to get the season done and is likely the reason every season after had a few years between them. But yeah at the start the series was more of a broad comedy, with the characters being the simiplest versions of their characters, the boys in paticular only having “jock and nerd” as things that defined them as seperate people early on and it took a bit for things to come together. However things really started to crystalize into what the show would truly be with two episodes. One we’ll get to later but the other is this one: Tag Sale Your It.  Tag Sale started one of my faviorite recurring themes for the series: Venture Compound Episodes. Basically their episodes where a huge pile of the shows cast get together at the venture compound for whatever reason and chaos, great jokes and great worldbuilding inveitbly insues. It’s good stuff. And it’s usually centerted around a great concept.  In this case all the villians and heroes of the world are gathering at the Venture Compound for of all things, a Garage Sale. Or Tag Sale as it’s called in the title or Yard Sale as Venutre himself calls it. In order to make a quick buck and get rid of some of his dad’s excess scientific wonders, Rusty’s sellling them off to whatever weirdo wants em. it’s an utterly hilarious concept, with Brock complaning about the security risk and the fact Doc is entirely convinced this won’t go horribly wrong despite the fact he has a bargin bin for death rays, one of my faviorite gags of the episode. But there’s still plenty of sense here too: There’s what i’m presuming are OSI agents on standbye, who also screen the various villians to have them check their weapons. 

The episode also opens the cast up considerably introducing Phantom Limb, and fleshing out Billy and Pete, as well as being the episode where two of the casts standouts came into their own as 21 and 24 go off on their own misadventur where 21 uses the monarchs money to buy what turns out ot bea non working lightsaber and tries to fight brock in one of the best scenes of the episode.  Speaking of the Monarch, . The Monarch himself is there to cause miscihief, as usual, as well as have his minons buy him some stuff because he’s not going to miss a bargin, and finds himself struggling to get his hate boner up in a neat subplot, eventually acheiving it even if it gets him stuck to the celing However the other two subplots really shine. Orpheous in a micro plot, and after yelling at Dr. Venture for trying to sell the weed wacker he borrowed from Oprheous, tries to get his own nemisis, a thread that would continue at the end of the season and into the next, having a ghost slap the monarch ot try and get him to become Orpheous arch and telling various villians he’s blasting who they can blame if they want to swear vegnance. It’s short but really funny.  The other however is my faviorite and the plot that really set up hank’s bizzarely and uniquely him personality, which would be expanded on more as the show went on. Annoyed that their dad is selling their old things and getting the money, Hank decides to get him and Dean a piece of the action and sets up his own grinder and lemonade stand, Hank Co, starting the sparkling runner of his bizzare personal buisness, and while the lemonade stand is standard kids stuff, the added oddly specific addition of grinders is what makes it hank as is his oddly agreesive managment style. Dean ends up working for him alongside HELPEr, while Dean awkwardly talks up Orpheous daughter triana. More on that whole thing in a later entry, with Triana joining in. It’s just a fun side bit that ends hilariously as, when the sale cascades into an orgy of violence as it was always destined to, the rest of the team book it while Hank definatly refuses to get knocked down before a shoe hits him. 

IT’s a damn fun time that sets up the backbone of the show’s universe. Nuff Said. 

11. Pinstripes and Poltergeists (Season 4, Episode 8)  Season 4 is easily my faviorite season hands down, and in my opinion the best, in part helped by the fact it’s the longest and thus had the most time to work on it. Like season 6, if on a smaller scale, it threw up the table. While Season 2 and 3 had status quo changes, the Monarch being on his own without the guild or dr girlfriend and then the newly married couple being forced to arch eleswhere this one had probably the biggets shakeups: Brock Sampson left team venture, and was MIA for all but two episodes of the first half, Sgt. Hatred took over as boydguard a move that wasn’t one of there best as while Hatred could be funny at times.. replacing one of the show’s most beloved and most iconic characters with a reformed pedophile who fans already didn’t like all that much in season 3 wasn’t one of Jackson and Doc’s smarter moves let’s be honest. Again he has his moments, but he just wasn’t as compelling or well fleshed out as the rest of hte main cast, helper included.  The other big swing, one admitted in the making of art book that was an intentional risk, was killing off 24, half of the beloved buddy duo of 21  and 24. However this one paid off way better, as 21, while still a husky dork who loves his crappy job, reinvented himself in the wake of hte tragedy, turning a lot of his blubber into muscle (And I say that as a chub myself, so relax), and becoming the badass drill seargent of the cocoon.  But both big changes expertly dovetailed into this episode which explains where brock was after the premiere. The ball gets rolling when the Monarch goes to see Monstroso, a great addition to the series and the sum of all evil lawyer jokes, a lawyer in a pinstripe suit and small devil hood who makes deals with other supervillians, in this case to buy up part of the venture compound to take it from Rusty.   Naturally making a deal with a lawyer super villian who dresses like the devil, every bit of that sentence a red flag, goes poorly. As Shiela points out in one of the series best lines as she berates her husband’s terrible decision making “Monstro’s a lawyer that’s also a super villian. That’s like a shark with a rocket launcher strapped to his head, and the monstroso plans to take the monarch’s stuff as well. It falls to 21 to stop him and 21 is on the venture compound to find our missiing sampson and get answers on who killed his best friend, whose also following him around possibly as a ghost/hallucination.  Speaking of Brock, when exploring a shack on the edge of the property to use it for stuff, Rusty finds instead the base for SPHINX, consiting of Hunter Gathers (Who I hope gets to retransition someday), gay icon Shore Leave, and Brock Himself. Turns out Brocks literally been right there, SPHINX Just needed to stay secret and the pain of not being able to see the boys has seriously hurt brock. And naturally this deal will impact spinix, so they send brock to deal with it.  This leads to the best part of the episode as the above episode gets a callback as 21 challenges brock to a fight.. and to show how far he’s come, instead of becoming a bloody pile on the lawn, fights EVENELY with brock freaking sampson. After it’s confirmed brock has nothing to do with it and 21 and him have wiggle room to operate, the two go after monstroso who next we see needs heart surgery so mission acomplished. This episode is light on jokes, apart from a great one where rusty tells the boys everything before mindwiping them, but good on character stuffs as we find out where Brocks been, meet some good new supporting cast and see just how far 21′s come, and close out the first half of a stellar season iwth a great scene of Brock eating cereal, finally allowed to be part of his family again.

10. Viva Los Muertos! (Season 2, Episode 11)  Season 2 was easily where the show hit it’s stride. While Season 1 is going through growing pains Season 2 has all the setup, half planned ideas and what not mostly out of the way to just focus on building up the world, and characters as well as playing around with things and having the first instance of the show’s refusal to have a set status quo by having the Monarch’s breakup iwth Shiela stick until the end of the season. More on that later. However some experimentation still happened as something that would likely NEVER happen from this point on happened.  See the Venture Bros is very much Jackson and Doc’s baby. While Jackson created it, Doc because just as important and the two share one giant geeky brain. WHile they may argue on some things, the two still agree on most stuff and thus the project has their unified vision of this weirdly specific superhero universe that’s mainly focused on what would be prehriay characters leftover from a one time genre experiment and supervillians. While the staff on the show clearly enjoyed working on it far as I can tell an dare celebrated in the making of when credit’s do, the writing and worldbuilding is on two guy’s shoulders, an absolute rarity in animation let alone of a project with this gorgeous and detailed animation. But for three episodes the two did let someone in.. it’s just someone who not only got exactly what htey were going for but was their friend and mentor who helped nurture their talents on the tick. Ben Edlund. If you haven’t heard of Ben first off shame on you and second, he’s the creator of the Tick, writing the original comics series and having a major hand in all three series, all of which are unsuprisingly stellar, and having brought jackson and doc on board for 2/3 of them, likely only not bringing them to the Amazon one because by this point they’d far outgrown being writters on someone elses show.  He also created supernatural and left long before it became a tire fire so there’s that. I need to watch that sometime. Point is he’s a big deal and helped write two episodes and wrote this one Solo. And this one is easily the best of the three and given it’s on this list one of the series best.  The episode has Doc have another great idea in the Zack Morris with mad scientest abilities veign he always have: Take the parts of one of hte monarch’s dead henchman, as brock tends to leave piles around, into a “Venturestein’ and sell it to the goverment. While the simple man bonds with the boys, he cowers in fear of brock, who is forced to grapple with his violent nature and deeds and goes to Orpheous spirtial gathering fors some perspective. It’s a nice subplot that has some character development before a spirit vision of hunter gathers convinces him he can’t get caught up in killing people when it’s hwat he goods at. Brock meets him halfway, deciding he can’t feel entirely guilty but he can help the guy and gets Venturestein some “prostitoots!” he’s been wanting since apparnelty the henchman he was made out of really liked htem.  The concept of venturestein himself is neat, from the idea of reusing old henchman to him using the boys learning beds to learn about the third world and be indocrinated for third world labor, as was Doc’s orginal plan.  The other plot which dovetalls into venture steins is another great one as The Groovy Gang, the show’s answer to mystery inc arrives. And in a great idea by Edlund.. their all based on various serial killers, with leader ted being baised on ted bundy and being unerviing as he speaks cherfully while threanting the rest of hte gang, the shaggy stand in being a stand in for the son of sam and the only one that can hear groovy talk who rather than be an adorable dog, talks like a nightmarish german man, the daphne standin is clearly kidnapped and the velma one valries acts like valrie solanis. It’s creepy stuff but it’s also funny because theys till include hannah barbara sound effects, including when Venturestein in a ptsd fueld rage kills ted, not-shaggy and groovy> It’s a horrible but great scene and a great concept that just works. They also tie in the boys being clones by having it revealed one of their deaths was caused by Sonny, finalylr emembered his name, and Ted wanting to kill them. The boys end up finding their clones too, but Doc spins them a yarn to get by and is kept from kiling them. Not much to say, outside of brocks bit this isn’t huge on character but the sheer balls of the scooby doo parody and the sheer amount of jokes and creativity here make Edlund’s sole solo outing a true highlight. 

9. The Inamorata Consequence (Season 7, Episode 5) 

The likely final compound episode and a welcome return after season 6 lacked theme entirely, and as I established earlier the compound isn’t required it’s just where most of these take place.  Season 7 was a good note to go out on. While I still want closure, after the forgetable Season 5 and the  fresh but messy Season 6, 7 was almost pure goodness, with most of the episodes being standouts and the premire trilogy wrapping up the dangling threads from season 6 being a highlight, if not enough to make this list but it was a tight list as is. It had it’s flaws: The “Serena Cheats on Hank with Dean thing” was not only horribly underdeveloped but basically wrote off one of their best new characters. Her and hank breaking up and her dating dean is fine, relationships end and stuff, it was just done poorly. Even if Hank found out because a scary man in a bear costume literally carried him to a convience store and then to Dean which was great as was the button on that plot of, after Dean and Serena naturally react to the guy “Oh good you see him too. “ The Unicorn in Captivity is also a series low point despite having mark freaking hamil guest star, for a number of reasons i’ll probably get into one of these days either on a worst of list for this show or it’s own review. But those blemishes don’t overide a great season that makes up for Oprehous and Dermott’s absensces by bringing both back for an episode, has some true classics, some great character stuff and in general is just really good and it was hard to cut a lot of it from this list, but two made it. And it was nice to see the show go out on top if nothing else. 

So onto this episode which has a brilliant complex: Every exty years the Guild and the OSI meet to hash out the details of their mututal treaty with a Venture prociding and with Jonas now well and truly dead, and missing before that, it falls on Rusty. and since it was made before the compound burned down, our heroes returned to the charred remains of their home to hash things out.  The episode then nicely settles into 3 really excellent plots. The first is the obvious, the peace treaty which has the Council of 13, who in a delebrate move by the creators went from a bunch of faceless nobodies who were killed off to characters we all knew, versus our standard stable of OSI recureerers as the two bicker over terms and we find out one of the conflict settlers is a pool fight, done without a pool since that’s gone now. It’s just pure comedy goodness, but it ends with the rare unequivoocable VICTORY for Rusty. Fed up with both sides acting like children, and even calling them such, as well as both threatning war, he gives one hell of a speech to both to shut them up and for once in his life does BETTER than his father. 

It’s easily James Urbanik’s finest hour as the character and one of the series best moments which, 17 years in, is a high achievement.  The other two plots aren’t too shabby themselves. The second is an overlap as Hank gets lured away from the confrence by an old friend: IT’S DERMOTT! The dynamic duo rides again and their old dynamic of two dumbasses, one a normal teen but entirely full of himself the other being a cloudcuckoolander with little self awarness but more empathy and sometimes sense, is one I really missed and it shines here. Dermott’s joined the OSI, with Rusty giving him a recomendation as long as he didn’t tell anyone else he was his son, or at least it’s implied as much, finally buttoning up that bit while leaving it open for hank to find out later, and a bit that also was never resolved and hopefully will be by a follow up, especially since Dean revealed in the series finale he found out from his dad a while back while rusty was hammered. They follow kimberly mcmanus and one of the strangers, the guilds soldiers who are engaging in a clandestine affair.. which also reveals that the stranger is the peril partnerships mole in the guild, a nice twist. The two have fun chemistry and it’s great ot see them again just like it’s great to see hank and dermott pal around again with the highlight being hanks utterly bizzare and utterly hank fantasy sequence.  Rounding out the three is a more emotional tale as Dean sneaks off to see an old friend, Ben the genetisct who worked with his father and grandfather at various points and revealed to dean he was a clone. Ben is gone, either due to Doc and Jackson not wanting to use him, or because JK simmons was unvaliable and unlike dr. impossible and steven colbert, they didn’t want to recast. But we do get a great substitute as we meet H.E.L.P.er 2, a household model voiced by Rhys Darby who Ben left behind on his trip.  As it turns out Jonas tried mass marketing H.E.L.P.er units (With the equally unsurprisingly sexist tag line of “Get a H.E.L.P.er to Help Her!”), but a  baby choked on a stray bolt and a the ensuing backlash lead to mass burnings and most being destroyed and the one we meat being a nervous wreck that Ben took in. Dean naturally sees himself in the scared bot and while he fails to get his new friend to be able to leave, H2 is too nervous about possibly being destroyed and given the uncaring nature of the venture world sometimes yeah probably a good point, he does bond with dean.. and reveal that Rusty himself is a clone by accident. IT’s a nice twist that makes perfect since: While we don’t know if Rusty knows the tech was used on him most of his stuff , with few exceptions is old equipment of his dad’s. It’s not a stretch that his greatest invention was actually Jonas’. It also leads to a nice moment as dean hugs his dad, understanding him a bit better. It’s a funny, well done episode that lets doc and sons really shine. Truly a great way fo ra great theme to go out.

8. The Buddy System (Season 3, Episode 5) Time for a sentimental favorite. See while I watched bits of seasons 1 and 2 when they aired, and more of 2 then I realized, I didn’t get really hooked on the show till season 3.. and this was the episode that did it. The ones before are far from bad, Shadowman 9 was a contender for this list after all, this is just the one that really got me into the show, showing off it’s varied supporting cast, bringing in one or two more, and really getting me into dean.. and Dean and Triana shipping but I can get into that, again, more on that later. Given this and Fallen Arches were early faviorites it’s no suprise compound episodes became my faviorites and this one is easily the second best of em, with one more coming up topping it handily.  But enough showing my hand, let’s talk about Season 3. Season 3 is a slight mixed bag, as some episodes don’t land, but overall is a really good season, it’s just sandwitched between the shows too best. But it did have good ideas, great world building and a hell of a cliffhanger. Some decisions, like Sgt. Hatred, weren’t the best, but overall a solid season, just like 3 it only managed to squeak out one entry, though TONS of possible cantidates.  This episode has a great premise from the get go: Rusty, for once, has a decent idea. Yes it still results in a child dying and being replaced by a clone, but this is rusty. If something didn’t go terribly wrong on some level it wouldn’t be him. But the idea is simple: Since the cartoon based on his nightmarish childhood, which made him a minor celebrity and is why billy likes Rusty so much and looks up to him despite being.. Rusty, is a hit with the kids again, Rusty launches a day camp on the grounds, using his boys as counslers and having his various friends and aquantinces set up booths. From Orpheous and the order of the triad doing an anti drug presentation to the sea captain talking about the benefits of being a scooby doo villian, to Action Johnny, the series version of Johnny Quest renamed to avoid copyrights but very obviously Johnny Quest, whose strung out on drugs and can’t go a few minutes without going into a breakdown about his father or past. All good stuff. It actuallyg oes pretty well till rusty makes the mistake of going into an old thing of his d ad’s without checking and a gorilla monster attacks and gets the one child left behind, thankfully off screen, but it leads to the darkly hilarious bit of him rushing a clone out for his parents to avoid a justified law suit. 

Meanwhile the boys and brock deal with a new figure in their lives: Dermott Fictel. As the creators put it they basically desgined him as that one kid everyone knows who talks shit, thinks he’s way more capable than he is, and way more knowledgble than he is and is kinda dopey. I had one of those, i’m sure you did too, and that’s probably part of why I really liked Dermott as I knew a guy just like him. Hank naturally, not having had any friends other than dean and H.E.L.P.er, bonds with the prick and the two become best friends right away. Dean however hates the little asshole for both constantly shit talking him and just being obnoxious. Brock soon joins the hate train as Dermott invades his karate demonstration to talk about how much of a badass he thinks he is and learned from the internet. Brock soon finds himself asking the age old question. 

But since his code avoids women and children, he tries to find ways around it but Orpheous obviously isn’t having it. His other option is to go to the Monarch’s minons the Pupa Twins, aka the Moppets, Shiela’s old minons who the monarch’s basically stuck with and no one really liked in or out of universe. Their just assholes who treat 21 and 24 and the monarch himself like crap and are thankfully downplayed in Season 4, and only appear in Season 5 to die off and close up a plot thread. But credit where it’s due they did get one good bit, creepy as it may be and it’s this. 

With the Monarch not allowed to arch venture at the time due to plot stuff, the monarch’s mostly spying and sending the pupa twins in as spies which as you can see dosen’t really go well. Everything converges on the finale, as Rusty, again being rusty even when he’s mildly ahead child aside he still screws up, brings in Johnny’s old enemy Dr. Z, who like dermott is important but it’d take till the end of Season 5 for that. Johnny breaks down, Venture’s current nemisis arrives and finds there was a scheduling error and hten we get the crowning moment of the episode that makes it all come together magically: Dean gets to sit with Triana, whose actually being receptive to his crush for once, but also has to put up with Dermott..  who being Dermott, especially early dermott is an obnoxious jackass who makes creepy coments abotu Trianna and eventually sets Dean off

Dermott doesn’t even get two seconds into telling Triana to wait naked for him, because of course he does before dean utterly destroys him. This being Dean, it’s with tears and snot running and coming off like an angry 8 year old, but he still deserves points for utterly decimating the asshole after a full day of taking his self indulgant bullcrap and having the guy be creepy to his crush. And to be fair Triana was dealing with him fine, but still Dean beat up someone twice his size and while lacking any actual fighting skill with at least enough bulk to beat him up and gave the fucker a black eye. Until season 7 with him just paying off the monarch to save his teacher from making a huge mistake, and to show how fed up he was, this was easily Dean’s best moment. Just a great capper to a great episode. Also Dermott turns out to be, possibly brocks son but.. more on that later. 

7. Mid-Life Chrysalis (Season 1, Episode 3 (8 in Airing Order)  As I said earlier Season 1 was a bit rough, though as all of you probably know most 1st seasons are, especially in animation. It takes time to iron out what really works for a show and get it going right. Bojack Horseman, while still excellent, took the first few episodes to really become what it was born to be, Steven Universe season 1a lacks the deep characterization of the main cast that and has loosey goosey animation,  Ducktales had trouble character ballancing and ballancing adventure with deconstruction of adventure.. every show has growing pains.  And while season 1 does have too much of the show basically trying to scream

Like some adult cartoons do, and not even it’s contepraries like sealab and harvey birdman did as much, both excellent excellent shows by the way. But even with my criticsims of it: Flat characters, a try hard tone, clumsy worldbulding in places.. it’s still a good show even this early and even as early as episode 3, with the first two being good.. but this one being an utter classic. It dosen’t QUITE have the emotoinal or character depth of later episodes but damn if it isn’t one of the funniest things the crew ever wrote. 

Mid-Life’s two main plots are simple and start from the cold open: The Ventures get pulled over while on the way to an adventure by the air force, and Doc and Brock both encounter problems: Rusty being Rusty, his is petty and self loathing based as he gets called old or something like that by one of the air force people. Brock’s is a bit more serious: In a funny bit Brock LITERALLY has a legal lisence to kill, but given the burarcaey of the venture world, it’s expired.  So we get our two main plots out of that: Rusty wants to prove he’s not old and still got it by dragging a sad Brock to a strip club. Brock is miserable as the owner mocks him, and he can’t kill him so there’s that and his attempt to have a quickie with a stripper fails because it’s just not the same without his murder boner apparently. Look as I said the show was a wee bit immature early on.. it never stopped being mind you it just became more goofily immature than screaming i’m an adult. Brock leaves in a huff which leaves Rusty open for the oldest trick in the book as the Monarch sends Shiela in in disguise to seduce him, go back to his place, and then stick him with a syringe full of science that turns him into a caterpillar because this is the monarch. Subtly is not even a suite of his let alone his strong suite. Though this also being the Monarch we only get a bit where he watches as the two make out, which is creepy as that sounds until a minon randomly turns out the lights and apolgoizes. He was getting juice. The episode also nicely parodies the trope of a female spy or whatever turning for the hero because of his dick as The Monarch assumes that happen when Shiela has doubts about the scheme, that he “turend her with his oily sex” which is an objectively horrible and paranoid statment but also incredibly hilarious.  Thus the plots split and we get two really hilarious one: On Brocks end he with the boys encouragment, decides to retake his secret agent exam. And both boys really come into their own with this one: Dean’s adorably nerdy and sweet sides come out as he both encourages his second dad and helps him on the written portions, while hanks gung ho hankness emerges in full as he helps train brock, having him drink eggs that he probably spat in and in one of the best bits of the episode going a bit too far with the drill sgt routine till Brock helpfully points out he’ll legally be able to kill after this. The solution is also great as Brock not only avoids using his fire arm during one of the tests, instead uttelry decismating the target cutouts with just his kinfe and whatever he can rig up, and just scribbling icarus from the led zepplin albums on his test.. only for his proctor to pass him anyway as his dad and osi boss general treister, who we meet later, described brock as a living legend, and he did not dissapoint. And we get a great closer, after the main plto finsihes, where Brock shows the strip club asshole his fresh lisence before maiming him.. though even better, he DOSEN’T kill the guy as the asshole does show up again later, just missing an eye now. 

Back on our main plot we get plenty of hilarious and messed up stuff as the boys barely react to their dad’s horrible state, their numb at this point, and doc gives out the classic line and easily the best of the episode “I pissed in god’s eye, and he blinked”. Doc tries to cure himself and fails both due to caterpillar hands and due to helper eating the chemicals, and tries to get helper to help him reinact the end of the fly. All good stuff. It’s just a good, solid comedy episode that both solidifies the character and makes you laugh near constantly. 

6. The Terminus Mandate (Season 7, Episode 8) One of the best parts of the post Garantua shakeup of the show was the new council. After years of the council of 13 just being guys behind silouttes, mantle and dragoon nonwishtanding, Jackson and Doc replaced most of them with familiar charcters and gave a ton of them chances to shine while bringing in new ones like wide whale and easily their best later creation Red Death, more on him in a minute. It gave us a nice workplace dynamic and really made the guild pop more than ever. And this episode showcases this marvelously by giving the new council the spotlight.  In this one the Council find that there’s an old mandate that means they must stop active arching in order to retain their spots, something they all agree to and thus leads to an episode of each of the council having one last ride as each are given an envelope of who their last arch is. And each is hilaroius, some even heartfelt, creative and fleshes out some of them. Going down the list, leaving out Shiela and Red death who has a more involved subplot for hers and has some other buisness entirely we’ll get to: Phantom Limb: Has, in a great gag, a literal dick measuring contest with Hunter Gathers. Just a simple effective gag.  Radical Left: Is merged with his old arch enemy Right Wing so they simply play clue.  Wide Whale: Has the least funny or enteratining but still entresting as he and his old arch are now friends and the guy even plays cards with Rocco, so rather than poision the well he just sends Rocco to rough him up a bit for old times sake, then take him to dinner.  Dr. Z: Reminces with Action Johnny, the two considering each other family at this point and the two have a really nice moment with Johnny in rehab finally getting help that’s actually really touching and really nice to see.. though we also get an utterly fantastic bit where they recreate an actual scene from Johnny Quest but with Z lampshading how stupid everyone’s being. 

And finally we get Mantle and Dragoon, who spend the night binging tv and eating a ton, my mood and general schedule, afraid to open their envelope only to celebrate when they do and find their arches are all dead.  Red Death meanwhile has buisness to take care of. Since I dind’t include Red Means stop on here I’d just like to talk about how much I love the guy. Voiced by clancy brown death is an old school legend in the guild whose great at arching, has a great gimmick.,. but can switch from horribly threatning monster to aflrable nice and loving family man, having a younger wife and a daughter whose utterly adorable and shares his face. He even wanted the guild spot simply so he could basically retire, get the nice pension plan and salary that comes with the guild without the rigors of regular arching having long settled things with his own arch by murdering him> he’s an utterly inspired edition and the crew, and fans, loved him enough he became a recurrer this season. 

And his bit is both awesome and utterly terrifying: earlier the guild tried to parlay with rivals the peril partnership in order to stop the bleeding on their end, but their represntive, Blind Rage, a hilariously broey version of Daredevil, instead mocks and direspects them and is in general a pissant. So rather than do an arch, since he’s done with that anyway, Death evens the score in one of the shows best scenes, which like the rusty one above is an acomplishment years in and is an utterly terrifying and awesome villian scene. 

Clancy Brown is a fucking master at this. and it showss.  As for Shiela her bit ends up tying into the Venture Family’s plot for the evening: Rusty courts a black widow, Teresa Diade because getting laid outweighs the possibility of death and we get a a great bit of dean pretending to be her as the family preps him. Naturally he bungles it because he takes too much anti venom, but Teresa turns out to be a former superhero, probably what actually happened to her husbands, and Shielias arch during her breif solo career. Though instead of an arching, though she try, Shiela instead breaks down over the stress of this, over possibly giving up arching with her husband for her career, and the two share a nice moment. I mean she still takes Diade’s wallet because she’s a villian after all but it’s a nice one and an emotoinal moment. She takes the job as revealed later of course, because even of this probably hurts the Monarch’s feelings a bit he wants what’s best for her. Because they have a damn good marriage again. overally a really inventive, hilarious episode and one fo the show’s finest hurrahs as it approached an untimley end.

5. Everybody Comes to Hanks (Season 4, Episode 12) 

Season 4 as I said was my faviorite and one of it’s highlights was the duo of Bright Lights Dean City, which BARELY didn’t make this list, and Everbody Comes to Hanks. The two episodes followed the same period of time from the perspectives of each brother: Dean has an internship in new york city and Rusty’s bumming along, though being a dick he wants hank to have a job by the time he gets back.  Hank, in a classic hank move, expands Hank Co from an ocasional name for his buisnesses to a full on department store with a restraunt and detective agency because of course he has those. It honestly reminds me of me: Even as a teen I was the kind of goofus who’d do this sort of elaborate stuff. But at the same time it shows hank’s best trait and the one that most people underestimate: his ingniuity and imagination. Sure the guy’s off in his own world, as am I, and it’s his charm, but when push comes to shove he can bust out a wacky scheme, save his family from danger or as seen earlier this list pull out a 3 point romantic gesture. The guy may be kinda dumb, int he best way, but he’s got the natural talent for the superhero/supervillian game and clearly wants to be his own bizzare version of batman, which I hope he gets to be and I prefer over the theroy he’ll be a villian. Sure it makes SOME sense.. but frankly hank’s good heart and love of theatrics and lack of care about the jackasses meancing his dad make him a way better superhero. 

Anyways naturally said detective agency leads to both a noir homage, complete with lack of color and a case: Dermott, who at this point’s a bit more symapthetic, wants to know if brock’s really his dad or not and hires his best bud to do it. Hank also gets a partner in one fo the show’s best recurrers, the Alchemist, ba dah!, Orpheous’ best friend, teammate, sarcasm machine and out and proud magic guy voiced perfectly by Dana Snyder. He’s a good counterpart to Orpheous, sarcastic down to earth and fun loving to the more serious and full of himself Orhpeous and since Triana moving out in our next entry, has been Orpheous’ roomate and bored since he’s now in the middle of nowhere, so he’s eager to jump into Hank’s nonsense.  What follows is a compelling detective story as Hank finds out Brock never slept with Dermott’s mom, and tries to find the real one.. and ends up stumbling upon the solution upon hooking up with Dermott’s older sister Nikki... which quickly goes sideways as he finds out not only is she twice his age, and even without that he’s still a minor and this is still creepy.. but she’s Dermott’s mom.. and RUSTY’S his father, with Dermott’s mom who raised him being his grandma. It’s a hell of a reveal that throws up the table both on Dermott’s relationship with Hank and the chraracter as a whole and has a great flashback where we find out how something this effed up happened and it’s incredibly well acted. It’s good stuff.  Hank uses SPHYNX”s mindwipe machine on himself, since getting laid or not, which being hank he dosen’t see the problems with how it happened as long as he dosen’t know, sends a total recall esque message to himself on his watch so he knwos he got laid, jut not the horirble, horrible details. And I like that , unlike say Phineas and Ferb Across the Second dimension’s bullshit reset ending, this dosen’t erase the impact of things. Not hank loosing his virgnity that’s meaningless I mean Dermott. He’s still there, it jsut left at ticking time bomb of when that reveal’s going to go off, and added an intresting new dynamic that I hope if the show continues somehow gets explored. A masterful, fun and suprisingly disturbing episode, everybody should come to hanks. Also as one last post note i’d be remiss if I forgot the great bit of Hatred saying they only serve eggs at hanks cafe. 

4. The Better Man (Season 4, Episode 7) 

Now we get to Dr. Orpheous, who unsuprisingly is a faviorite of mine. While I wasn’t a big Dr. Strange fan till reading the old lee and ditko stuff, I was always a fan of Orpheous, a hammy divorced dad who will give fighting the hordes of hell the same gravitas as getting junk mail, putting some punks souls in a homies figurine, and venture stealing his weedwacker. He’s a truly loveable character, a silver age pompus style hero in a world he dosen’t quite fit, with more power and competence than most venture bros protaganists, but still having things thta hold him back: while he’s good at his job his own drive and self importance drove away his ex wife and leaves him with not much in his life other than his daughter.  And for the first time in the series he’s forced to face his wife leaving him for another man when said man shows up : The Outrider, a seemingly cooler mystic hero whose better at both being a husband and being a sorecer and stops some creature The Order of the Triad fights after their arch torrid sumons him. Orpheous stews over this a bit and after failing to make hisown doorway to hell t  one up his non-arch nemisis, visits another classic character for the series: the Master. Voiced by Voice Acting Maestro John Benjamin, pre his biggest roles with archer and bob’s burgers but post his breakout with home movies. The Master is a no nonsense mystic entity who loves taking the piss out of orpheous and loves his student even if Orpheous agrviates him. He also has a neat visual habit of showing up in a diffrent shapeshifted form each time to teach his pupil a lesson.. and to do weird sex stuff because he can multi task and we see Trainai’s mom for the first time, though with the master just using the form to taunt Orpheous on his personal failings as usual but has a good point.  Soon however the group returns to the portal from hell and find Torrid and Outrider.. and torid explodes and sends the rider to hell, forcing Orpheous and co to rescue him, with Orpheous finding out via a clue from the master that the outrider embeded an artifact in his head to travel between worlds, the one thing orpheous could never master, as a shortcut.. and said thing gets al and orpheous stuck with the outrider. There we see the contrast: Orpheous is indeed the better sorcerer.. but the outrider’s the better husband and while if his wife cheated on him that’s fucking terrible, it’s clear he didn’t STEAL Tatiana so much as she left Orpheous for someone that geniuinely appricated her. The hatched it buried and it’s godo character work.  Speaking of which we get to Jefferson Twilight, a blade parody who hunts Blackulas (his words and leads to a great moment in his debut where a supervillian tries to find a more pc term for it but Jefferson poitns out since he primarly hutns oversea “African americian” dosen’t really work), and the guy on the team reguarly compalning about having no magic ability.. but who finds he CAN move between worlds and astral project, to his delight and Al’s annoyance. It’s an adorable and well won moment as he finaly finds SOMETHING magic he can do.  The other plot, which dovetails nicely into Orpheous concerns Dean’s longstanding crush on Triana, another pin to pull from earlier this list. I shipped them when I was younger but this episode, and one coming up on this list, pointed out how it jsut didn’t work: Dean’s naivite combined with his lack of making a move just didn’t mesh with her. IT’s something the creators agreed on realizing they just had no use for Triana, but both hating the cliche of a character just vanishing and thus giving her a proper sendoff instead.  Dean tries to move on after another unsucessful attempt to talk her up, with Hank and Dermott playing his wingmen, unsucessfully but Dean actually hits it off with a girl.. a girl we never see again but still and Dermott actually offers sound advice for once.. which given events before and after this prompts Dean to quip “better check the temprature in hell”. He just says to take things slow and just call the girl, maybe ask her out, don’t overblow it again or try too hard. It’s good stuff and like our last entry deepens the character a bit by showing that he’s not always a dumbass. Just  mostly. On Triana’s end she enters her dad’s closet, again having done so before and as shown in previous episodes Orpheous always mindwiped her, and it turns out it’s not the first time as the Master sees great talent, but sees she needs to be taught by her mother and step dad, where she can find other witches and learn at her own pace.. maybe befriend an older witch and a demon, find her own personl lesbian. We’ll see how it goes. He TRIES scaring her out fo a future with dean, but fails because.. she had no intrest in dean whatsoever and there was nothing to scare her away from. The Master is confident this will lead to nothing.. but as we see in the stinger.. this isn’t the case.  Byron for once grew, and rather than wipe his daughter’s brain to keep the last family he has outside of his buddies close, as he likely did before out of fear of loosing her... lets her go. He grows letting his daughter grow up and take the long path he did and hopefully better than either of her parents, while Dean “let’s her down gently’. Triana was a godo character, a downt o earht presence in theboys life and wiry, but it was time for her to fly and it’s a good note to send her off on and overall pure magic. 

3. All This and Gargantua 2! (Special between Seasons 5 and 6) 

ONto another charcter’s sendoff we have JJ, Doc’s brother he absorbed in the womb who came back somehow and then became way more sucessful and spent all of seasons 4 and 5 building a space Station. And this episode pays that and MANY other threads off in a giant sized epic that’s one of the series finest moments.  it’s the Gargantua 2′s grand opening, with Doc and the boys going up. Hank goes to gamble and adventure, with Hank bucks obvoiusly, while Doc and Dean are called to Visit JJ.. whose dying, his body shutting down shortly after he finalyg ot life and wanting this satilite to be his final work. but soon the three, along with col treister who we’ll get to in another entry, have ot save the world with JJ touchingly sacirficing himself just as both brothers finally reconciled and Doc finally accepted him. It’s  a powerful subplot.  Said calamity comes in the form or another loose end, the revenge socieyt, Phantom Limb’s splinter group who are attacking and are unknowing pawns in the soverign, who turns out not tbe bowie which is good becaue he dies here and that would’ve been eerie, and his mad plans to try and outwit the investors, msyterous beings. Yeah i’m going to have to try and summarize a lot here as htis is a big, continuity drive spectacle and it works well if wonkily. TO mak ea long story short our heroes fight on a satlite, and dr. henry killinger, marry poppins meets kissinger with a magical murder bag, fights his brethern and reforges the guild with the various villians tryign to stop the soverign or leftover from the society. The special is one big bit of fanserice that ties up loose ends and launches a bold new era. I don’t have as much to say as other entires but it’s this high up because few episodes match it in sheer importance, scale, humor and timing, it’s just harder to dig into because again, it’s an hour long special with lots of stuff from the series up to that point. it’s what makes it work but it’s harder to dig into in this short a space. Maybe someday soon. either way i’ts a garganguan achivment that feels like a huge pot of payoff after 5 seasons of effort and is utterly worth the ride. 

2. Showdown at Cremation Creek, Parts 1 and 2 (Season 2) Yes this is a two parter. Yes i’m giving it one spot but it’s my list and this is basically a special like the two entires it’s sandwitched between just sliced in half. So pitter patter, let’s talk about this one. 

Showdown was the finale to the stellar season 2, a step up from season 1 that refined the good raw matieral there into something truly stupdencous and it all comes to a head here in a wonderful epic in the might venture maner in that it manages to feel epic while still being hiilarious, characer driven and self parodying.  After a season apart the Monarch and Shielia have reonciled and are having an affair behind Phantom Limb’s back.. though given LImb is a sexist piece of shit who dosen’t value Shielia as a parter or part of his orignization while the Monarch has come around to doing so and did even with his crazy jealousy, it’s forgivable. Shelia wants more form him and the Monarch takes hte painful step of agreeing to stop arching venture. This dosen’t last obviously, but still. HOwever it does lead to pure hilarity when his henchman for the bachelor party, after the monarch went home, kidnapping the ventures, having gottne brock while he was drunk and distracted. Still with fatalities but still.. it’d be the best day of their lives anyo ther day. But to avoid pissing off his fiance who likely woudln’t belivie the truth, he makes up a story of inviting them to a wedding as an olive branch and does so> The whole situation also leads to my faviorite venture line: 24: Holy shit I thought we dreamnt that part! Anyways our gang are soon split up, Brock attends awkardly, Dr. Venture tries to hit on the bride over mid life chriaslys earlier, and we get the dawn of one of the show’s best buddy duos: 21 and Hank. The two being huge nerds quickly bond, and 21 helps hank sneak into the wedding as “Igor Badguyovich via an old henchman uniform, cleverly one of the ones from the pilot. Dean ends up getting stuck in the engine room and ends up spending the two parter hallucinating and going on a patichse version of never ending story while also letting loose his hatred of his boy advenutering lifestyle. It’s prue fun and good stuff.  David Bowie, or someone impersnating him, aka the soverign arrives along with Klaus Nomo and Iggy Pop for the wedding as an old frirend of shelias giving her away. But soon things go as bad as a superhero wedding does, becuase supervillians apparently aren’t immune to that as Phantom Limb attacks, deciding to throw a cou because he can’t kill the guy his ex actually likes or get promtoed and with bowie’s enorage as his moles attacks and tries to take shiela by force. The result is great as brock moblizies the minons, and unbenwonst to him, hank to fight, dean has his epic adventure and rusty and monarch try to do.. something. It’s all great stuff while Bowie fights limb in an epic battle we sadly barely see but what we do is glorious. It’s all good stuff. An donly one episode tops it in scope, humor and spectacle and in my heart. 

1. Operation P.R.O.M. (Season 4, Episode 16)  The show’s best season goes out with it’s best episode. I could close it out there but given i’ve rambled about every other episode why stop now? It’s Homeschool Prom Night! Doc’s gathered their various allies, the order of the triad, pete and billy , shoreleave and brock, along with Hatred who has replaced his hatred tats with a big v.. excpet the d over his junk which is unfortunate. 21 joins in genuinley and because he’s having a crisis while monarch and sheila crash with hatred’s ex as a baragning chip to see wha’ts up and end up joining in. 

The boys are as sucessful getting their own dates as you’d expect: no one will return Hank’s calls but since he runs into best buddy Dermott on the way brings him along as long as their band can play, which is easily the highlight of the episode as their glorious and terrible garage band Shallow Gravy makes it’s debut. Figures I can’t put video in right as the article’s almost done.. but back on point.. Dean brings Triana who has a boyfriend now who resembles Edward Cullen, because tha’ts aged really well, which bugs the crap out of him even though he moved on and casues him to act like a pissant and get a corsage thrown in his face as he should. Dean ends up following Dermott and Hank’s advice to go try and “win her back” with a big romantic gesture... which listneing to dermott on a romantic gesture should be grounds for being delcared legally braindead.. it goes terribly with the big plan instead burning a t on her lawn, and the ghost robes making Dean look like the kkk. The outrider tells him to be happy after beating him up over the mixup, a mixup that REALLLLY hasn’t aged well, and Dean tells him to fuck off. End of their time but it’s good stuff and caps a great season of hank. And while I don’t LIKE dean’s behavior here, it’s nice to see him not act like a good person for a second, and to be as human and faliable as the rest of htem, even if it means beeing deeply unlikable and his next relationship which sadly just.. never got picked up again, would go better. And the one after that.. not getting into that mess. What the hell guys. It’s really good stuff. 

Naturally given all these cast members ther’es a lot else going on: Rusty hires prostitues for the evening because of course he does and fails with his because of course he does.. and because it turns out his name is a sex act which leads toi a long and inspried bit of bleeping as everyone has their own version and we see tons of recurrers way in to Rusty’s horror. Rusty being inscensed tires using an aprohdeiasc , specially spanish fly taken from an actual fly, one of my faviorite bits mostly for this bit after billy gapes in horro at the giant monster fly.  Doc: Don’t scream you’ll just piss it off and it screams acid when it’s pissed off. And I alredy dids that when I ripped it’s wings off.  His scheme is of course utterly terrible but it’s Rusty, and i’m unsuprised and he dosen’t benifit from it as we’ll get into. Al and Shore Leave bond while 21, in a pogniant subplot, realizes he’s had enough and quits his job and through Orpheous realizes his firend isn’t a ghost, but a guilt induced hallucinaiton and lets him go, joining the team implicitly. It’s really good character stuff.  Finally we have the espionge portion. WHile Shore leave is at the party Gathers leaves Brock, once he’s finished chauffering the boys, to watch Monstroso, who they recently captured and gathers wants to use as a barganing chip. But gathers soon finds previously introduced Agents Doe and Cardholder wanting to topple agency head Hunter Gathers, one of my faviorite recurring characters mostly due to being performed by the increidble Toby Huss, a batshit general whose basically nick fury with a kentucky accent and no real filter or fucks to give and he’s utterly hilarious any time he shows up.  He’s been claming his cancer treatments have turned him into a Hulk, and why yes that is their exact terminology. Turns out agents doe and cardholder have been playing along with this seeming delusion to try and outst treister.. and take the OSI over for the guild, being the traitors Gathers suspected were there. However in a brilliant turn, this sub plots resolves as all should: on the bridge of hteir hellicarrier, with Treister draped only in the american flag with a post it note saying fix it on his chest. He reveals that while the cancer is real, the “hulkking” out was just playing them: he knew they were the double agents, and was using Gather’s to ferit them out. However that’s not the only reason: Treister knows his odds of beating cancer are slim so he’s come up with a resonable solution: Shoot himself up into space, as seen in the image for this entry, and see if aliens can cure it. They don’t but space radiation does as he returns later and not only that while he’s lost in the special, after brilliantly ACTUALLY having become a hulk, Doc and Jackson revealed in the making of book they had plans to possibly have him come back as their version of GALACTUS at one point, only holding back on it because their not sure if they want to go full cosmic or not. We’ll see if the show comes back in longform but god I hope so. If not i’m sure as hell doing it. But Treister hands the wheel over to gathers literally and metaphorically, passsing the reigns of the ship and the OSI over to him so Gathers can run it right, and then well.. shoots himself up into space, ending up as the last image of the hour long masterwork. But befroe that theres one last plot that leads into what I consider to be the show’s best scene. Brock finds out the hard way that the other Sphinx agent on duty is actually his ex molotov cocktease, who skirts monstroso away because she’s fallen for him, to brock’s rage. While Brock catches up to them, Mol reveales she has a trump card: The prostitues venture hired are actually her mercinary crew the blackhearts, and if she dosen’t give the signal everyone dies.. and being an utter dick Mol lets the car brock’s holding up off a cliff drop with her and monstroso inside.. though they come back eventually because universe that’s basically a comic book. So we get THIS SEQUENCE THAT’S IN CAPS BECAUSE THEY STOPPED LETTING ME PUT VIDEOS IN THIS ONE FOR SOME REASON AND IT’S ALMOST DONE. It’s easily the show’s best as Pulp’s amazing “Like a Friend” plays as brock rushes to save everyone, finds everyone having a good time thanks to rusty’s spanish fly, and Shore Leave and Al doing the v-day sailor kiss which is amazing, and then all the blackhearts turn into fly monsters because Rusty. It’s a great, tense gorgeously animated sequence that ends showing just how far brock’s come: From an angry asshole who hates everyone to these guys genuine friend.. and still a badass. overall just a great, spectacular finale and the best of one fo the best animated shows period. And with that the list concludes. This took me 2 days worth of adruous work so I hope you enjoyed it. Follow me for more including regular coverage of Amphibia, Ducktales starting back up later this month.. and as of tommorow possibly the loud house! Expect more venture bros including reviewcaps coming soon and if you want to comission your own reviewcap for 5 bucks, just hit up my personal messages or ask box, or just hit it up iwth a casual suggestion i’m bound to listen. Either way until next time, Go Team Venture. And I can think of only one way to properly close this. Play us off sea captain.