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jaxteller87 · 1 year ago

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Different Directions 1

Jax’s POV

I was in the bathroom, trimming my neck. Everything’s been going great lately, but it seems like with each passing day, I find myself at the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to Clay and the direction he wants to take the club. I know Thomas and him were brothers, club brothers, but I still can’t help but wonder what my old man would say if he saw how Clay’s been running the club lately. Not sure how’d he take to his club brother knockin’ boots with his ol’ lady either. The more I’m alone with my own thoughts, the more I feel like a prisoner in my own head. To alleviate the mounting stress, I decided to head into the living room, where I found my beloved, Amber, engrossed in a book.

“Is that an important read?” I asked, a mischievous smirk playing on my lips.

Amber smiled, setting the book aside, implying that it wasn’t particularly crucial. With that response, I scooped her up in my arms, carrying her bridal style back to the bathroom, and gently placed her on the sink.

Early on in our relationship, I learned that Amber’s disability made it challenging for her to engage in sexual activities. At first, it could be rather difficult at times, learning how to dance her, so to speak. In the beginning, I knew I had feelings for her, but with the club and everything else that comes with the responsibility of being a member, I wasn’t sure if I could balance at all. There was a time when I would have said it would have been easier doing a half-ass planned gun run with a man down than it was finding a happy medium with Amber. We had to explore alternative ways to foster intimacy, and one of those ways was through our shared grooming rituals. Fortunately for us, our chemistry is so strong that everything seemed to fall into place, and we’ve been inseparable since. To say it plainly, Amber is my anchor to everything I love and to what’s real for me in this world. If not for her, the club would consume me completely, and if that were to happen, I could see myself becoming everything I hate about Clay.

Initially, Amber had reservations about accidentally cutting me while shaving, but she eventually overcame her fears. As she delicately applied shaving cream to my face, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t you dare, Teller,” she playfully warned me as I mimicked putting soap on her face.

“Oh, come on, just a little,” I teased, lightly dabbing some foam on her nose.

Amber chuckled at me, “If you do, just know that you’ll regret it.”

Another minute passed, and she had let her guard down, so I went for it. Before she even knew what her, I had placed a baseball size amount of bubble foam on the tip of her nose, and it was all she could do to try not to laugh while looking me dead in the eye. I did my best to keep a straight face, but when she tilted her head and saw her reflection in the mirror, I let loose on the laughter.

“Perfect,” I declared, a wide grin spreading across my face. I lovingly attacked her face with kisses before she could say anything, and her laughter filled the room. Once we finished cleaning up the remnants of our soap-fueled interaction, we spent the rest of the day relaxing on the sofa.

Amber’s POV

A few weekends later, I found myself outside the club amidst the chaos of a SAMCRO throwdown. Sometimes, I needed to step away, catch a breath of fresh air, and escape the overwhelming presence of the stick-thin girls clinging to Teller. Lost in my thoughts, I jumped when I felt lips grazing my neck, pulling me back to reality.

“There you are, my love,” my husband’s smirk greeted me.

“Hi,” I giggled. Jax’s half-cocked smile still had the power to captivate me. I patted my legs invitingly, and Jax carefully settled himself on my lap. Within seconds, his lips were teasingly nipping at my neck.

“Easy, Jax. I don’t have any concealer, and we’re going to your mom’s for dinner tomorrow. I don’t want a massive hickey on my neck,” I smirked, playfully warning him.

“Wait, where are you taking me?” I laughed as Jax began to roll me into the club.

“Dorm room, to show you who I belong to,” Jax declared with a mischievous laugh.

And show me, he did. He had me uttering those three precious words more than once. It was delightful to be entangled in the arms of my badass biker throughout the night.

The next morning, I woke up to the warm sunrays streaming through the window. Turning over, I realized I was alone in bed. This wasn’t uncommon, especially if there was club business to take care of, but even so, I never got used to it. Every time I woke up alone, I would lay my hand on his side of the bed, looking at his pillow, trying to imagine how shitty my life would be without him in it. After I fill my head with these horrible thoughts, I think of everything I can do to keep our bond as strong as it is so that I never have to face that horrifying reality.

“He must be getting coffee,” I eventually told myself, stretching and yawning. Seconds later, my ol’ man returned with two cups in hand, a smile illuminating his handsome face.

“Good morning, love,” he beamed, handing me a cup. He gracefully shed his clothes and joined me on the bed, naked.

“Morning, Teller,” I smiled, pressing a soft kiss against the back of his hand.

He tugged at the blanket I had wrapped around my bare body, and as his eyes fell upon my chest, a wide grin spread across his face. He looked like a kid who had been dying for candy all year long, and it was finally Halloween.

“Admiring your handiwork, I see,” I laughed, observing his gaze fixed on my breasts.

“Sure am,” he chuckled. Setting his cup on the bedside table, he gestured for me to come closer, pulling me onto his lap. He buried his face in my chest, just as he had the night before, eliciting a whimper from me. It was one of those things Jax did that drove me wild.

“Please tell me there isn’t a club full of people around,” I moaned as Jax gently began to rock me in his lap.

“No, you can scream my name, and no one will hear you, my naughty girl,” he moaned into my ear.

“Oh goodness, big papa,” I breathed against his shoulder, succumbing to the pleasure.

After that exhilarating start to the morning, we enjoyed a beautiful day together. We embarked on an exciting ride, taking the Dyna out for a ride. The roaring engine echoed through the streets as we weaved through traffic, the wind whipping against our bodies. Little did I know, Jax had made some subtle adjustments to the bike, enhancing its power and performance, and with each twist of the throttle, I could feel the added surge of adrenaline coursing through my veins. I was terrified and thrilled at the same time.

As we rode, the world became a blur, and all that mattered was the exhilarating sensation of freedom. We navigated through the winding roads, Jax’s skilled hands effortlessly controlling the motorcycle while I held on tightly, feeling the vibrations of the engine beneath me. It was a testament to his love for the open road and the bike that had become an extension of himself.

After savoring the rush of the ride, we decided to pull over for milkshakes, and then with our sweet tooth satisfied and our spirits lifted, we continued our journey, eventually finding ourselves at Gemma’s house. The aroma of a mouthwatering pot roast wafted through the air, instantly triggering a sense of nostalgia for Jax. Gemma, the family’s matriarch, had prepared the meal with love, knowing it was her son’s favorite.

As the day drew to a close, we returned home. “I had a wonderful day, Amber. I hope you did, too,” Jax whispered, kissing my temple as we lay in our moonlit bedroom.

“I did, very much so. Life may pull us in different directions, but moments like these make it all worthwhile and put everything into perspective.”

#jax teller imagine #jax teller x oc #jax teller fluff #jax teller x disabled reader

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coldforestnight · 2 years ago

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No yeah I think their trauma responses manifest in very similar ways, with Neil and Kendall idealizing their relationships with their abuser and being manipulated into hurting Brian/Roman when they didn't know better and becoming hypersexual, and Brian and Roman being the neglected "weaker dogs" with unreliable repressed memories and physical symptoms like bedwetting and repulsion to sex.

@myplasticadversary Yes! Though I will say — I think Kendall & Roman have shades of both Neil and Brian’s issues—

They’re both hypersexual and completely devoted to their father (Roman even more than Ken, depending on the season) in the way that Neil is for Coach, though I agree that Ken’s Logan-sanctioned abuse of Roman is a particularly sickening parallel to what Neil did to Brian in MS (though you can make an argument for Roman’s frequent borderline sexual harassment of Shiv being an example as well). Both also periodically dissociate from reality in a similar manner to Brian’s obsession with UFOs — Roman’s repulsion to sex, like you said, but also his necrophilia fetish, how it likens himself & others to passive sex dolls,* but also Kendall’s whole vibe in s2 where he is almost entirely gone, re-traumatized to the point of being on autopilot for most of the season. And none of this is even mentioning how neither Ken nor Roman can really remember scenes from their childhoods clearly, but in this case it’s not just Brian-esque repression, it’s the form of lying and gaslighting approved and created by Logan “I would never do something like that, son” Roy.

I’ve always thought of Neil and Brian as two ends of the same spectrum, of what happens when you’re traumatized at a young age — hypersexual attachment to the past vs. avoidant repression of memory — but the truth is, most people IRL fall somewhere between these two points on the scale, just as Kendall and Roman do.

*Which reminds me so much of the corpse imagery in MS, both with Brian touching the dead cow + Neil being hired by the old man with AIDS lesions, how both boys see these corpses and are reminded of their abuser in different ways.

#sorry this got so long lol #but you’re so right!#there’s so much to say abt these two and this isn’t even bringing in shiv…#ask #succ #kr

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vsnotresponding · 1 year ago

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1 for Ely! And anyone else you wanna talk about!

Also 14 I know you have aroace characters, but tell me more about how they perceive their aroaceness since it’s such a wide spectrum. Any character of your choosing for this one :)

questions from this pride ask game

hi lyn!!

1. What's your oc's gender identity? What's their relationship to their gender?

Ely uses they/them pronouns, but doesn't mind being addressed by male terms (they are called Death prince, for example) (in a modern au they'd use the non binary label). Their relationship with their gender is very tricky, and is part of the plot.

Since forever they've known they aren't a girl, or a boy, and were most content when addressed with gender-neutral terms like kid or child. being perceived as female made them extremely uncomfortable, which made them avoid contact with everyone if they could. in their head, they were always just Ely (i've made a note to only address them as such until they get to the point where they master Sorrow and truly become a *them*).

thing is, after they die, they both resent and try to forget the person they were. they hate that teen. they killed her. she can't be mourned because she was never there. but that's just not true (it's also the reason there's a plot lol). she might not be them, but she's a part of who they are.

everything's very gender with them, and mostly based on my own gender fuckery :]

14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

oh boi do I:

ngl, i have a feeling all my pov and mc characters will have touches of the spectrum as i write them, , because i'm aroace and i *struggle* with writing these things.

there's tho, the Canon Ace/Aro ocs my beloveds

I Will Go In Depth About All Of Them. Because I Can

Púlsar:

Karma: demiace. very bad with touching other people in any way unless he really really trusts them (there's a bit of his autism in here too). struggles with aesthetic attraction (he really doesn't notice poor man). would like to be cuddled tho. is also very clueless about his identity. he knows he hasn't liked anyone like, ever, and it takes him literal years to realize he likes ira. so. again, poor man. i love him

Níniam: very ace. again, doesn't think much about these things so he's not very aware either (talking about an older Níniam btw)

Hamza: greyace, has only been attracted to The One Dude ever. again, very chill with it.

Bean: ace, but with a powerful aesthetic attraction. women pretty. (again talking about older Bean)

Ira: ace. is able to recognize when someone is aesthetically pretty but it doesn't do much for her. she's a very touchy person, but i don't think she'd be sex favorable. leaning towards neutral-negative, ngl.

she has a complicated relationship with love. she either hates you, dislikes you (most people), tolerates you, tolerates you but will call you friend because social conventions, or loves you. that's the only distinction she makes. she's aware she loves people in different ways, but they are unique for every person she does, so there's not like, a clear difference she can explain. i don't use the aro label for her, and i don't think she would either.

UP:

Hannah: aroace. incidentally, her colors are purple and green. yeah, she finds the people that approach her annoying and has no interest in romantic or sexual relationships. they are at peace with it, ngl. also she has enough with the messes lyric gets into and with patting akira on the back when lyric keeps not realizing his best friend is in love with him (she's very tired of the allos).

CV:

Médiel: aro. as a teen she realized she was never going to fall in love, and her immediate reaction was that it was another gadget in her arsenal to infiltrate la Corte. fake dating but the other party doesn't know it's fake. as for her sexuality, i'd say if you are hot she'd fuck you.

TFB:

Arion: aroace. also 7 years old in canon. but yeah, as a grown up he'd be that. he's also very autistic (i think his sexual identity is very tied to that, unlike with karma where i think it isn't as much).

Chimera: aro. no idea what his sexuality is ngl. he's just vibing, man, bringing his little brother into adventures with folk people in the forest.

#ask game #writblr ask game #my aro/ace ocs my beloveds

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talenlee · 1 year ago

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Story Pile: Call of The Night

This is the anime of a song. It doesn’t follow the plot of the song. It follows the vibe of a song, and that song inspired the manga, and then, the manga got made into an anime and that anime got to have the ending theme be the song that inspired it, and the same band made the opening theme, because they had already, in their music, defined this anime.

And damn if it don’t feel like a hell of a song.

Call of the Night is a 2022 anime, which means that, it seems, it has a higher than normal chance of being completely gonzo good, and while I wouldn’t necessarily think this is one of the best of its year, I liked it a lot and I can imagine a situation where if it wasn’t competing with say, Summer Time Rendering or Bocchi The Rock or Do It Yourself or Chainsaw Man or Spy Family or My Dress Up Darling or Birdie Wing or oh no I am committed to this bit and there’s a lot more to go, or Lycoris Recoil or Witch From Mercury or Akiba Maid War or My Master Has No Tail or The Executioner And Her Way Of Life then chances are it’d be one of the best anime of the whole year.

Call of the Night is a story about an insomniac guy called Kou, who is apparently fourteen years old, who starts missing school because he’d rather roam around at night, on his own, in the privacy of the vast dark of a dull city, an impulse that makes sense to me as someone who was also fourteen but I lived at the time, in places with population density like seawater, and where going out at night meant not seeing anyone, as opposed to this guy who lives in Tokyo. While out, he meets Nazuna, a vampire.

Yeah, a vampire.

Nazuna is the intersection of ‘fanservice sex-bomb’ and ‘extremely stupid gremlin,’ and her impression on Kou leaves him wanting to become a vampire too, something that she asserts can only happen if he falls in love with her. He thinks that seems reasonable, and what ensues is a mix of workplace drama, chill hangout vibes, oddly wholesome relationship building as a boy learns what it means to love someone, and then it takes a hard sweve into vampire drama, that you’d probably have expected to show up earlier.

The manga Call of The Night replicates is very long, compared to the short twelve episodes of the anime, and I wouldn’t really recommend watching the anime if what you want is that long haul. Consider it a sort of tasting platter for the manga, which I understand goes longer and involves more expansion into the vampire politics-as-romance-metaphor space. I didn’t read it, but I did chat with some friends to double check some themes in the anime in case I misread something.

And I liked it!

Here, just in the same way I used Shikimori’s Not Just A Cutie to talk about social transition timelines (or did I), I figure that Call of the Night is a really interesting avenue to talk about demisexuality.

Here’s the basics of the theory: Asexuality is not a simple ‘on off’ switch for people, it’s a gray spectrum with a lot of different modes and means. Allosexuals (people who aren’t asexual), as observed by asexuals (you know, people outside of our behaviour, who aren’t necessarily interpreting confusing signals, and just observing our behaviour), demonstrate primary sexual attractions, then secondary sexual attractions. Allosexuals definitely have things that they can visually notice and react to that demonstrate a sexual attraction, but they also have things that aren’t related to that kind of observation or experience that can in turn, provoke sexual excitement.

Following this, first, in that ‘primary’ mode, there’s things like being attracted to tall people or green people or redheads and I am trying to be very careful about this because we get into some complex ways people interact with perception and persona and jerking off here. Then there’s the ‘secondary’ stuff where you can be sexually attracted to someone because they have a preference for eating apples or they like you looking at hockey games or knowing they also say the word maize like it’s three syllables long. And these examples are all chosen to be deliberately odd so nobody feels selfconscious about their specific kinks (though, know that they’re all based on real kinks I’ve really encountered), but they’re just examples made to make you laugh. Most often, secondary sexual attraction is a byproduct of emotional engagement, and kinks are just ways to signify that emotional engagement – I will not judge you or hate you for this specific complicated ritual you and I need to engage in. I accept you. I may even be excited to accept this part of you.

A conventional, simple vision of asexuality is that neither of these things is available. There’s a pair of gates that potential partners need to pass through to activate the Wants To Do Things part of the brain, and for the simplest explanation of asexuality, they do not have those gates. Not ‘nobody can pass through them,’ the gates are not there. This is nothing that’s going to pass through and set the flags or tip the linedefs or whatever.

Demisexuality, however, is the idea that while there’s no primary gate, there is a secondary gate; that a demisexual person does have a sexuality that can be engaged, it can only be engaged after the development of a deep emotional connection. And given the way a lot of allosexual relationships can start out as a crush where you want to get to hang out with the person in case you can wind up having sex with them, then realise you just like hanging out with them and now you have a great new friend you like, demisexuality can go in the exact opposite way where you get someone into your friend zone, which rules, because friends are cool and having friends is great and then after a long period of emotional establishment you realise that to your surprise you also wanna do sexy things with them.

This is obviously confusing and complicated and it can be part of the eternal whirling dance of people wanting to do sexual things with one another, and it’s just a simplified example of the sexuality, which is where the terminology started. But there’s the idea: Demisexuality is the idea of a sexual interest that is only activated after the establishment of an intense emotional attachment. Besties To Besties Who Also Have Sex. And when you’re aware of demisexuality, it’s only a hop skip and a jump to demiromantic relationships – ones where characters aren’t capable of engaging romantically until after they’ve established an emotional connection.

This may strike you as being ‘just normal’ in which case, may I suggest you go check out the ace forums and see if maybe they’re talking to you.

Kou’s sexuality or romantic attraction are literally part of the narrative of the story, and that means examining them is something the show actually does. Kou wants to fall in love with Nazuna, which is a weird thing to say like that because falling in love isn’t a thing most people tend to assign themselves like a project. It indicates to me that Kou isn’t very connected to what ‘being in love’ means, and that could mean that he’s a fourteen year old, that’s pretty reasonable, people are working themselves out. Later in the series we get a pretty bold declaration that he doesn’t see attraction in terms of gender, either to Nazuna or a boy hitting on him, so, based panromantic prince I guess.

I don’t think this series is trying to be about a demiromantic boy trying to work out what it means to love an extremely horny girl for the first time. I think this is a series about hot and horny vampires doing cool things and the boy bouncing around with them in stories that are goofy and fun and funny. I still think though, that if you want to point to a character in media who describes being demiromantic without ever knowing the word existed, this is one of the best examples I’ve seen.

Call of the Night is a pretty cool anime with some chill vibes and a few different genre ideas going on under the hood, and it is very horny, so I can understand that being a turnoff to watching it. Me, I find Nazuna, the character, too much of a likeable idiot to really dislike the anime. I mean who doesn’t have a bestie who loves lewd jokes and falls to pieces at the idea of being emotionally honest with you and also likes to suck the blood out of your fingertips?

Surely it’s not just me.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Anime #PrideMonth #Media #StoryPile

#Anime #Pride Month #Media #Story Pile

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pollyna · 2 years ago

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On this queer house (and I'm sorry for the running comments? annnd it got shippy lol):

Class '86:

Wolfman: gay but when the kids start using the moronsexual name he starts to identify with that because he married Hollywood, didn't he?

Hollywood: gay and he would like to say to his husband that he's the moron, not him, get it?

Sundown: bi

Chipper: bi

Slider: bi even if thought he was straight for the longest of times (did know u were that old, Ronnie)

Iceman: gay/homosexual/gay (the day he comes out to Ron he would liked to answer: and during summer the sand is hot. Something other earth breaking truth I should made aware of?)

Goose: queer (he serenades them and leaves them with a broken heart, and then Carole comes around and his brain fries once and for all)

Maverick: the bi king

Cougar: he's probably gay but he's repressed af so he says he's the most heterosexual person on this and other planets (I read too many past!cougar/iceman where he breaks iceman's heart to not be of part)

Merlin: not enough informations on him but after surviving being Mav's backset he will probably reconsider half of his life

Jester & Viper: they're tired dads™️ nothing else is required by them, that's says more than anything else.

People around the '86 class:

Carole: bi

Charlie: bi? (me🤝charlie: questioning her sexuality)

Class '22(?):

Rooster: bi (the tale wants that Bradley realised he was bi while putting milk in his cereal, at the tender age of 13, obtaining to spill milk everywhere and on his uncle Tom's uniform too)

Hangman: gay (the day he did coming out with Javy he presented himself drapped in rainbow flag because he had to make an entrance. He was fifteen and Javy was still asleep. The cuddle a lot after because Javy was still sleeping Seresin.)

Coyote: he's the tired bisexual of the group for the love of god someone should give this man a break

Phoenix: greyro bisexual (she is the dangerous thing Halo sleeps with. Who needs a knife or a gun when she is there)

Bob: aroace (his&Phe queerplatonic relationship is life. Apparently in this language is known as the ay-ay spectrum bc you can't pronounce the a someone should give bob the maracas to play as introduction when they ask him his sexuality)

Halo: aro lesbian (Phe says she kisses her in the softest and more determined way someone has ever kissed her)

Omaha: biromantic asexual (flying as backset with Halo give him time to talk about shit he isn't really comfortable talking with everybody around)

Payback: gay (when he was five he asked his mom if he could fall in love with a plane because they were absolutely the best thing ever. Now he thinks the same everytime he looks at Mickey)

Fanboy: pan (his granma ironed the the flag for his first pride because don't you dare going around with that thing all wrinkled)

Harvard: greysexual homoromantic (his bio on Instagram says, Harvard graduate, medical doctor, Naval aviator, my other half snors)

Yale: gay (he's a big fan of ds9 and most of his photos have a quote of the tvshow expect from when he postes about Harvard, than is poetry. It's nauseating, the entire squad hates and loves it.)

Fritz: raging bi with a little application for older people that everybody in the NAVY knows about (see his crush on Admiral Kazansky)

People around the '22 class:

Cyclone: he's bi but he won't let anyone knows because he's not weak

Hondo: pan (his wife made him a patch that he wears for all June and it has the dagger squad insigna in but it isn't in black and white but in blue, pink and yellow)

Warlock: queer (he says the term fits quiet well with him and honest to God Navy is already hard enough without him having to question his own label. His cat is the most affectionate creature this planet has ever saw and sometimes he takes her to work because it's a good antistress and leaves Cyclone and his problems out of his door)

Penny: bi™️ (she meets Charlie, at someone point along the line, and they have a sort of rebound night because of Maverick but it stops being about Maverick 0.01 second after they kiss.)

#everybody's queer in this house don't fight me #but we can talk about it and discuss them for sure #the 86' class #the 20(22?)' class #the people around them too #lgbtqia+ characters #hope i haven't forgot anyone 🌈#i'm not going to tag everyone or the shippy part it would take me a lifetime #but i'm going to say this: warlock is the tuvok of tpg:mav #top gun(1986)#top gun: maverick

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 2*

Part 1

Part 3

Y'all IDK what it is about this story but I can just write and write and write. This one ended up being 11 pages [on a google doc] And I only stopped because it's 2:15 am.

I hope you guys like this, but I just want to clarify: This isn't a Barisi fic. I'm sorry, if you're looking for that, just...this isn't it. I mean they do interact and it'll be fun, but they will not be ending up together.

That being said, enjoy this new chapter! I'm debating on how pathetic enamored Sonny is, I don't think I'm gonna go that deep. No worries, people.

As always let me know if you want to be added/deleted off the tag list!! <3

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-------

"Y/N, I'm so happy for you and Barba. You make the cutest couple," Sonny beamed at you while you were wrapped in Rafael's arms, huge smiles on all of your faces.

"Thank you Sonny, that means so much." You gave him a warm hug.

"Yeah….and you'll make the cutest couple in HELL!" All of a sudden Sonny pushed both you and Rafael off a cliff.

You were falling to your death when you woke up to your professor glaring at you.

"Have a nice nap, Miss Y/N?" He scowled at you.

"Um," You cleared your throat and straightened up at your desk. "Yes sir,"

"Good," he huffed as he headed to the front of the classroom once more. "Maybe now we can continue without your snoring,"

You heard the students around you snicker at his comments as You sunk lower into your desk and waited for class to end. It had been a long train ride home and then a drive to your apartment last night, you hadn't gotten home until around 2 am and had this 8 am class. As soon as the professor dismissed your class you booked it out of the class and out into the parking lot of your community college.

"Ugh, could this day get any--" before you could even finish your thought you got your answer. Your phone beeped with a text from Rafael:

RAFA: Hey killer, how's the bullshit county? 😉

That was the nice thing, then just as you were about to text him back your phone lit up.

SONNY BOI CALLING

"Shit!" You hissed to no one. "How does he know?!"

"Ahem….Heyyy, cuz," You answered it with your best nonchalant voice. That of course sounded totally chalant.

"Hey sunshine," His voice sounded relaxed, thank God.

"What's up?" You tried keeping your tone light as you neared your car.

"Well y'know I was just thinkin, I feel real bad about standing you up last night,"

"Oh, Son it's no big deal really," the fact that he felt guilty about anything made you feel even more guilty.

"No, I know you have a busy schedule and it takes a lot to get into the City and I just blew you off," He kept on with the guilt train.

"You didn't blow me off Son you had work. I get that--" You unlocked your car and got in, starting it so your windows would thaw. And your whole body.

"Well I wanna make it up to you," He cut you off.

"Oh?" your voice fell short. This couldn't be good.

"Yeah, my boss-- well he's not really My boss but Mr. Barba--"

Oh shit. Barba? Was Barba having a party? Why wouldn't He tell you that? Wait why WOULD he tell you that? Stupid. Wait, what was Sonny saying?

".... birthday, so you could be like my date," you caught the tail end of his invite.

"Birthday?" You repeated like a parrot. It was Barba's birthday? Oh god. You were really trying not to focus on how old he was. Don't ask. For the love of god don't say it Sonny.

"Yeah don't worry you don't need to get him anything, I got it covered," Sonny assured you.

Well, that was one way you could figure out just how much your cousin cared about his "idol". The more expensive the gift, the stronger the feelings were. You wondered whether you should ask him now or wait for the surprise. Maybe you should ask now, then his answer should tell you what you'd be getting into.

*So what did you get this 'non boss' of yours?" You asked slyly.

"Oh," now Sonny's voice dropped. "Well I, I don't wanna say,"

Fuck.

Don't panic. Do not panic.

"Oh come on Sonny," you did your best to keep a joking tone. "What am I gonna do, tell him?"

Should you joke about it? Hidden in plain sight, right?

"No I guess not, it's not like you know him,"

Whew.

"It's just kinda embarrassing…."

Oh god.

"O-Oh?" You tried to stay calm. "Why's that? Is it a gag gift?"

Please be a gag gift.

"Actually it's a new briefcase," He replied.

"Oh why is that embarrassing you goof?” You gave him a hard time. What was that in the emotional baggage department? Pun intended.

"I mean, it's more expensive than the one I own," You could hear the shrug in his voice.

Fuck. Don't ask why. Don't ask. But if you don't ask, that will be even more suspicious wouldn't it?

"Oh Son," You asked softly. "Why would you do that?"

"Well the one he has is as old as dirt, I think it's probably the first one he ever bought. I wanted him to look snazzy in court." He replied with a super eager tone.

"That's sweet," you were pounding your steering wheel in frustration. Say it.

"Seems like a lot of work for a mentor though," You closed your eyes mentally killing yourself.

"Yeah well," he laughed uncomfortably.

Say it.

"Sonny…” You didn’t want to do this.

“Yeah?” He was oblivious.

“You know you can always talk to me,”

“Yeah of course,” He assured you.

“About anything,” You scrunched your nose.

“Yeah I know, sunshine,” He half laughed.

“ANYTHING,” You reiterated

There was a long awkward pause.

“...Sonny?” You made sure he hadn’t hung up on you.

“Yeah, I'm here,” He replied softly.

“So?” You waited for the bomb to drop.

So…. He sighed. "I just want him to like me,"

Dammit.

"....Yeah," You nodded, cursing yourself.

"Yeah, its stupid. I'm stupid." He laughed again.

“You're not stupid,” you laid your head on the steering wheel in shame.” I mean the heart wants what it wants right?”

“What?! Oh my god, Y/N,” He scoffed. “I'm not gay,”

“….Sonny it's 2021,” you shook your head. “Sexuality is a spectrum,”

Right well. He laughed defensively. "I'm on the p in the v scale,"

“Ugh, Sonny,” you made a face.

“Sorry sunshine,” He apologized. “I just...why would you even think that?!”

“Uh…” You paused.

Maybe he wasn't fully aware that he had romantic feelings for Rafael. If you started pointing out the signs, he might realize it. But then you'd have a cousin going through gay panic AND then finding out it doesn't matter anyway.

"No reason," You lied.

"I just want him to like him so he'll give me a good recommendation once I graduate Fordham Law,"

"Oh" you smacked your head. "Duh. Right. Of course,"

That was completely legitimate. Maybe you had been misreading this whole thing. Now you just had the whole overprotective Gotti side of Sonny to worry about.

"Well I guess I could spend the weekend in the city," You shrugged as you pulled out of the parking lot.

“Absolutely!” He exclaimed. “My couch is always open,”

Not exactly where you were thinking of sleeping, but you weren't blowing your cover over the phone. Wait, maybe you should. Then he couldn't kill you over the phone. Wait, he's presumably at work right now. You didn't know how closely he worked with Barba, but you figured it would be a hell of a lot easier for Sonny to get to him before you could stop him from killing Rafael.

"Sure sounds good. I'll see you then cuz,” You smiled and hung up the phone.

------

Friday arrived, and you once again found yourself standing outside Forlini's. You debated heavily whether to go in or not, but you told yourself you were going to wait for Sonny outside this time, no more risking a sexy bar rendezvous.

You hadn’t really responded to Rafael’s texts the last few days, and you certainly didn’t tell him you were coming. Maybe you should have told him. You grabbed your phone to text him when you heard a familiar voice behind you:

“Y/N?”

You spun around to see Rafael dressed to the 9’s, smiling at you. He smelled delicious, mixed with the food aroma wafting out of the restaurant and the smell of freshly fallen snow in New York City.

“...Happy Birthday, Counselor,” You bit your lip nervously.

“W-What are you doing here?” He stared at you as if he thought he was dreaming.

“Sonny invited me,” You nervously smiled.

“Seriously?” He laughed.

“Seriously,” You nodded with a laugh as well.

“Did-- did you say anything to him?” He asked you worriedly.

“Are you insane?!” You hit him. “No!”

“So why did he invite you here?” He asked.

“He said it was to make up for ditching me the other night,” You shrugged.

“...The irony,” He smirked.

“Mmm,” You nodded with an amused smile.

“Well this is a very happy birthday indeed,” He smiled, pulling you closer into his coat similar to the night you had met.

“....Just don’t ask which one it is,” He warned you while staring at your lips deviously.

“Deal,” You nodded in agreement before he pulled you into a hungry kiss.

“DUDE!!” You snapped back before his lips were on yours for more than a millisecond. “Are you nuts?! Sonny’s gonna be here any second!”

“It’s my birthday, carino,” He made a pouty face. “Don’t yell at me,”

“Oh lord,” You rolled your eyes. “Alright, man child,”

He was about to go for another sneaky kiss when you both heard a voice from behind you.

“....Sunshine?”

“Oh!” You jumped ten feet away from Rafael when you turned to see Sonny standing there with a huge gift bag, staring slack jawed at the two of you. “Sonny! I um, we--”

“I was teaching your cousin a lesson in New York safety,” Rafael talked over you, his face completely stone. God he was a good liar.

“Excuse me, counselor?” Sonny raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of you. You just stared in speechlessness.

“She was standing on this curb holding her bag out for any miscreant on these streets to just wrestle away from her, I was just demonstrating how,” He gestured to your open purse.

“Barba I really think this ain’t that kinda neighborhood,” Sonny half laughed.

“...You never know,” Rafael shrugged. “Now let’s all get inside, I’m sure everyone is anxious to start celebrating me,”

You and Sonny both rolled your eyes with smiles; too similar of smiles, you noticed. Thankfully, he did not. You both followed Rafael back to a private room where a bunch of fancy dressed people were mingling with drinks in their hands while two long empty tables stood in the middle of the room. They all stopped and clapped when Rafael walked in.

“Oh, for me?” He feigned surprise and humility.

“Yeah right Barba,” A woman laughed sarcastically. “You’re the one who invited us here,”

“Touche, Rita,” Rafael smirked as he began making the rounds around the table greeting everyone.

“So are we allowed to eat now, I’m starving,” An older man asked.

“And I’ve got a son waiting,” A red headed woman chimed in.

“Right, right,” Rafael nodded as people began to take seats. “Sorry everyone, you know I love to make a dramatic entrance,”

“Oh trust me we know, Barba,” Another man called. “Your catwalks into the courtroom prove that. I think we have a montage of them,”

“Ha Ha,” Rafael rolled his eyes, then turned to you and Sonny.

“Sonny,” He put a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you sit next to me?”

“R-Really, counselor?” You saw Sonny’s eyes light up like Christmas tree lights.

Fuck. You knew he was only asking him so that you would sit next to him as well. And while you loved the idea, you knew how much this was toying with Sonny’s feelings.

“A-Are you sure, about that Mr. Barba?” You gave him a look.

“Absolutely, Miss-- I didn’t catch your name?” He played it so cool.

“Y/N,” You held out your hand as you re-introduced yourself.

“Right, well--” He shook your hand then turned his attention to Sonny who was still beaming like a kid on Christmas. “I don’t know how much Carisi has told you, but he is quite the promising mentee of mine,”

“....R-Really, Rafael?” Sonny blinked in disbelief, causing Rafael’s smile to falter for a moment. Sonny had never called him “Rafael” before, it was always “Barba”. Shit, maybe he had given him too much praise.

“I mean, you know, for a lap dog,” He quickly added with a snarky tone and a smirk.

“Mr. Barba!” You tried not to raise your voice at the birthday boy. “That is my cousin you’re talking ab---”

“No, no it’s fine Y/N-- th-that’s how we work isn’t it, counselor? He just gives me jabs, I know he doesn’t mean it,” Sonny laughed nervously, staring at the floor. He knew not to get too comfortable with Barba, why did he even try it?

“Indeed,” Rafael nodded in agreement. “But, I still request you sit by me-- at least I know you don't poison my food. Which is more than I can say for many of my esteemed ‘guests’,” He eyed the tables of people before him.

“Then why invite them to your party?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“I get that Jersey doesn’t have the social classes of Manhattan, Miss Y/N,” He smirked. “But here, you’ve got to do things to keep up appearances,”

“Oh do you?” You practically growled.

“Yes,” He nodded while a waiter brought him a glass of scotch. “Even if you don’t like someone, if they serve a purpose for you than you do what you must to keep in their good graces,”

“Oh is that so? So you’re only kind to people who can ‘serve’ you?” You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes at him.

What kind of Danny Zuko bullshit was this?! This was an entirely different Rafael Barba you had met the other night. He was kind, flirty, endearing. This new Barba was snarky and condescending, and you were not amused at all.

“Y/N, chill,” Sonny hissed at you. “This is just how Barba is, he’s harmless,”

“Yeah well you might not mind being his doormat Sonny, but I sure as hell won’t be,” You angrily stomped off.

“Oh my god,” Sonny muttered, wondering if he should run after you or not. “Barba, I am so so sorry about her,”

“It’s fine, Carisi,” He watched you stomping away, trying to hide the guilt in his voice. He was just trying his best to throw Sonny off the trail. He may have overcompensated just a tad.

“I-I should go check on her, She’s just a kid--”

“No, allow me,” Rafael put a hand to Sonny’s chest. “It was my faux paux, I should apologize to her myself. I was being a bit of an ass,”

“Yeah but that’s just you, Barba,” Sonny chuckled, trying not to blush at Rafael’s hand on his chest.

“True, but I forget not everyone knows me as well as you do, Carisi,” And now he was trying to be extra nice to Sonny to get on his good side, while cluelessly egging on his feelings.

“That is very true,” Sonny laughed even more nervously. “I’ll uh, I’ll take a seat and get our drinks ordered,”

“Excellent,” Rafael smiled at him, probably one of five times in the entire time they’d known each other. He gave Sonny one more pat on the back before walking after where you had stomped off to.

He found you right before you hit the front door, his hand catching yours before it could grab the handle. You turned and scoffed at him, your scowl still present after stomping off.

“Oh, come to appease me, counselor? How can I be of service to you?” You snapped.

“Please, Y/N,” He gave you apologetic eyes as he pulled you closer to him. “I’m sorry, I just-- I didn’t want Carisi to think anything was off. He already caught us being handsy, I had to make it look like we disliked each other,” He explained.

“Oh I think you’ve done that above and beyond, jackass,” You huffed. “First I’m too stupid to not get robbed in the city, and then I’m too uncultured to understand ‘high society’ manipulative bullshit?”

“I’m sorry, I may have gone a little over--” He started.

“But that wasn’t even an act, was it?” You interjected angrily.

“What do you mean?” He asked you curiously.

“Your line of you having ‘use’ of a person? I assume that is why you have a room full of powerful people you dislike as opposed to a room full of sycophants?” Yeah, you might just go to community college but you knew big words too.

“I mean, that is how it works--”

“Jesus Christ,” You shook your head with a laugh. “You know I understood for about half a second why my cousin is so infatuated by you, but I am losing that belief real quick,” You turned and started to walk away again.

“Y/N come on,” He grabbed both of your arms this time and pulled you close into him, your noses almost touching.

“Look I’m-- I’m sorry, that I’m---this,” He gestured to himself.

“But that’s just how I have to be in their world,” He gestured back towards the room. “I’m telling you, it’s a room full of sharks. If I show weakness or misstep in decorum, I’m nothing but chum to those people,”

“The guy you met the other night, that’s the real me,” He put a hand to your cheek. “I never get to be that guy, not in public. That’s why I was so attracted to you,” He put his other hand on your waist.

“I don’t have to be ‘Rafael Barba, the snarky ADA with a silver tongue,’ I can just be…’Rafa’,” He gave you an earnestly sad smile.

“I’m sorry,” You blinked in confusion. “I know I’m not helping myself but what exactly is the ‘ADA’?”

Your question brought that familiar amused grin and a laugh. “See, this is what I’m talking about,”

“Oh yeah I know, the ignorant girl you can placate--”

“No,” He put a finger on your lips. “The earnest, normal, gorgeous girl,” He kissed your forehead. “I’m sure if we took a poll in here right now the majority of the room would be with you, not knowing what an ADA is,”

“Which still doesn’t answer the question,” You pointed out.

“I…” He tried to think of a way to explain his role in the Manhattan judicial system. “Well, the DA of the county is like-- the King of Lawyers in that section. Or queen, as my boss is Rita,” He shook his head with a laugh. Oh Rita Calhoun, the stories he could tell about her.

“So, you’re her king?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Eh, I’d say Prince but she’d probably say Jester if she heard this metaphor to be honest with you,”

“Mmm I like that,” You finally let yourself smile at him.

“A Prince?” He grinned.

“The Jester,” You gave him a tongued smile, settling against his chest.

“Well, I’ll gladly take that title if it makes you happy,” He kissed your forehead. “I’d do anything to make you happy right now,”

You looked into his green eyes, they were now their usual sparkling green hue, and you remembered very quickly how you had gotten yourself in this mess in the first place. He really was a sweet, charming, gorgeous guy. And then you remembered those were probably all the reasons Sonny fell for him too.

“Ahem.” You straightened up and stepped out of his grasp. “Well, what would make me happy right now is getting back to my cousin,”

“Oh,” Rafael’s eyes softened into a sad gaze.

“Rafael, I think he really likes you,” You bit your lip with guilt. “And you toying with him just now isn’t helping!”

“Toying with him?” Rafael’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion? “I wasn’t toying with--”

“Sit by me, Carisi? You’re important to me, Carisi?” You imitated his questions in a mocking tone.

“I had to ask him that so you would--” He started to explain, but you already knew.

“I know!” You stopped him. “I know, that’s why it’s so fucked!” You put your hands over your face.

“Carino…” Rafael walked over and pulled your hands from your face and held them.

“I’m hurting him every second that I stand here with you, and I--” You bit your lip trying not to cry. “I’m still doing it! I can’t walk away!”

“So don’t,” He squeezed your hands with an even sadder look.

“This is just--” You broke free from his grasp once again and wiped your eyelids. “We need to get back before Sonny comes after you,”

“....So where does this conversation leave us, then?” He asked you cautiously.

“I don’t��” You gazed into his puppy dog emerald eyes. “I don’t know, I don’t want to think about it right now, okay?”

“Fair enough,” He put his hands down in concession. “...But we really need to--”

“Yeah, I know,” You nodded softly as you walked back to the private room, Rafael trailing behind you.

All you could think on the way back was how in God’s name were you going to make it through the rest of the night.

#rafael barba #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanfiction #rafael barba imagine'#sonny carisi #law and order svu #weird secret friends

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starshipsofstarlord · 4 years ago

Note

Hey if requests are open can I ask one?

Can you do a bucky or stephen strange x reader where the reader falls under the ace spectrum and they are terrified to tell him that they are ace.

I'm ace (on the spectrum) and I've been struggling with forming romantic attachments and not feeling like "complete" or "enough" so I just felt this would be nice💕

If its convenient for you then please do this request

Thank you!

On the spectrum

Pairing | Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary | based on the request. I kinda made a little twist to it, so I hope that you like it. I am in no way saying that asexual people can only be with asexual folk, but I thought this might be cute, so I wrote it like this xx

Warnings | erection, mentions of sex, ^^

Quick link to my masterlist, if you’re interested in reading more of my crap 😬

Jolting up from your rest, your eyes widened as you get your weight lounging upon Bucky, eyes wide as felt an appendage of his jolting stiffly upon your inner thigh. It was a surprise, the pair of you, through the expanse of your short term relationship, had never had the conversation of sex, and a part of you wanted to avoid it at all costs. There was something that you needed to inform Bucky about, but you were wary of what his reaction could be.

You weren’t sure that he would understand, after all, back in the 40s he was known for his womanising reputation, and whilst you knew that you weren’t another loose fling that had no attachments, it was still a big deal to share the truth with him. Not only would it impend and possibly affect his view of a future with you, but it would promote a new side to you, that you hadn’t told many people about.

Nat knew, but that was only because years back, you had confided in her, confused about your lack of sexual attraction to anyone. She had been supportive, and prompted you to research online, to see if you were as she suggested, asexual. There were many perceptions of the sexuality, some people would still do the deed to keep their partner happy, and others swore off the act altogether.

It wasn’t that the thought and idea of sex grossed you out, in fact, you could understand that people did it to feel amounts of pleasure that came from nothing else. But the rouse of body parts brushing against the other, and slipping inside was not something that ever appealed to yourself. And then you met Bucky, and your perception of the ordeal remained the same; you weren’t blind, you knew Bucky was extremely attractive, however, there still seemed to be no pulse in your veins that was prompting you to jump his bones.

It wasn’t him, it was you, and that was more okay. There was nothing wrong with not having a desire to perform erotic acts with any partner, and more so than his appearance, you had fallen for not only Bucky’s heavenly appearance, but his soul. He had an old soul, that was a given, with all things considered. And that was what had first made you step towards the man that liked to be alone, and change his perception of that fact.

He was new to the team, Tony enjoyed picking fun at the man, who as he liked to say ‘hadn’t got any in eighty years’. Bucky hardly responded to Iron Man’s nit picks, ignoring them instead to settle the conflict in his eyes. Berating with Tony was off the table, and so were snarky remarks, otherwise the billionaire would remind him of his sins against the Stark family, although in foresight, he had just been carrying out orders.

A groan relented from the man beneath you as you uncomfortably shuffled, his cock clearly rubbing against your thigh. His sleep dazed eyes slowly peeled open, revealing the blue globes beneath that stared up at you. A furrow endorsed his features, as he came to realisation of what had you so frozen; he was hard, nothing in particular had turned him on, it was just his body’s way of rousing him from slumber, and apparently it had extracted you from your rest also.

He released his arms from around you, watching as you shyly rolled to the side, and glanced at him from out of the corner of your eye. He released a small and sorrowful smile as he glanced down to where the covers had lightly raised from his manhood, feeling guilty for how his body had reacted by itself. “Doll face I’m sorry, I didn’t- it just- ugh.” The man groaned, rubbing his face with his prosthetic hand as he tried to rid the dust from out from the corner of his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Your voice came across as meek, small to the elephant in the room. “Just I- there is something I should tell you.” You twiddled with your fingers, picking nervously at the hanging skin that had chipped its way partially off on your latest mission, that had required you to furiously try and peel a jammed car door open to get the family out. Bucky now focused all his attention on you rather than the uninvited presence of his little friend in the bedroom, his pupils sending you signals of warmth as if to tell you that whatever you were going to tell him next, he would remain here for you.

“I’m asexual, and I get that you aren’t and you probably want all of nothing in this relationship but-” You spoke, but quickly paused when you saw Bucky tilted his head, a clear frown creating a thin line through the middle of his forehead. “What is it, do you not want me or-“ he stopped you from speaking, reaching out to hold your hands, giving them a light comforting squeeze, before he happened to open his mouth to speak.

“Doll face.” That name made you gulp, afraid that it would be the last time that he addressed you in such a way. And if it were, then that emotional connection that you felt to him would be unwound, and set out to sea to float and turn under the waves. “Asexual.” He tested the word on his tongue, as he lightly nodded, for some reason the phrase feeling right upon his tongue. “Can you explain it to me, I don’t know what it is?”

Of course, he wouldn’t know what it is! It made sense, he was from the forties, where various sexualities were not explored, all because straight white men thought their opinions were inferior. Well now, everyone had the freedom to be who they wanted to, and could be attracted to whomever they pleased, as things should have always been. Brushing your hand through your hair, thinking of holding onto the locks for dear life as you felt your nerves persevere, and spur in your membrane.

“It’s where someone does not experience sexual thoughts or feelings, towards anyone. Their thoughts are primarily romantic, and that’s how I feel. I do love you Buck, but I’m not sexually attracted to you, and I understand if that is a deal breaker for you. Not everyone wants to be put on a sex ban for the entirety of their relationship, but for me, it’s not like that at all, instead it’s more so I find the little moments to be more intimate than intercourse.”

“Y/n... I, not to jump the gun, but I’ve been feeling the same way.” Bucky slowly spoke, making your eyes dart up to his guilty expression. “I guess eighty years on ice will make you think about the things that are more important, and you are the most important person to me, and I guess if we neither of us have any desire to have sex, then me and you are supposed to work.”

It was surely a surprise, but he had contained his emotions, thinking that even when Tony pried at him for his lack of involved affections, he felt ashamed, as though there was something wrong with him. But it appeared as this day and age was far more fitting for this version of him, the one that had endured the battles against aliens and his own friends.

“I’m sure we’d have found a way to sort your needs out even if you weren’t asexual.” It felt strange for him to hear himself described with that word, but it felt right. “And look, it’s gone down.” You laughed lightly, resting against his chest once more as he let out a breathy laugh, and cuddled you to his chest. “I’m with you for you Buck, I love every part of you. And I think, maybe we should move out of the compound and get a place together, maybe downtown?”

“Really?” His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, shining with festive luminescence. “You want that, with me?” You humbly nodded, pressing a kiss upon his cheek as you inhaled his scent. His hands dipped to your waist, holding you that bit tighter. He was never going to let you go, no matter who was what, or what was who. The two of you were y/n and Bucky, and you got through anything.

That way, leaving these Stark white four walls behind, Stark himself could not pry at the soldier, nor make jokes about his lack of sexual affection. The two of you were complete with the truth wading between you, there was to be no dwelling or worrying about the other thought, because you both understood.

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky oneshot #bucky imagine #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes request #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky reader insert #bucky request #sebastian stan fluff #Bucky Barnes x reader fluff #imagines #imagine #xreader #marvel x reader

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originalwinnercheesecake · 3 years ago

Text

Highlights of The owl house 2x05 Through the looking Glass ruins

Yesterday was the release of the owl house episode 2x05 “Through the Looking Glass Ruins”. Compared to the past four epsidoes this one was significantly calmer (no complaints here at this point we needed an episode like this) but it still had some really good points. I am going to go into them below but first I want to give a special shout out to the three characters who in my opinion were MVP’s of this episode:

:Gus, Mattolomule, and Emira; you three made the episode for me! Yes I liked the Lumity, Lumity is super cute. But these were three characters I had been really wanting to see get more development and I am very happy with the development they got. So highlight below

Gus getting an episodes A plot to focus on him! We see him lose his passion for Illusions after a trick he tried to fix a problem only made it worse, but then go on a quest to regain his confidence.

Also more lore on the illusion track. It’s seen as a lesser track. Crazy. Illusion spells are great and Gus is a fantastic wizard.

how dangerous are pixies? After this episode I grudgingly have a bit of respect for Boshca because she apparently lives with a pixie and has yet to come to school mulled.

Mattolomule backstory. So From this I can gather that Glandis is Matty’s old school and Bria and her cronies are his old “friends”. The wiki says he was expelled, but I re-watched SVSF and I couldn’t find where it said that. This episode implys that his parents pulled him from Glandis because he was having a really bad time.

Mattolomule’s time at Glandis not being used as an excuse for the way he behaves now, and seeing him own up to being a jerk and starting to make better choices.

Gus and Matt becoming friends and getting a weekend volunteer job. Gus will certainly be a better influence on Matt than the Glandis trio were, and I feel like Matt could be good for Gus too, because now he has a guy friend who is around his same age.

Edric crushing so hard on someone to where he wants to look perfect for their date, texts them poems, and has both their number and the numbers of their family members saved in his phone. Man when Blights fall fr someone they fall hard.

Edric’s crush being refered to as “Their”. This could be to hide the gender of Ed’s date, but Dana has openly talked about characters sexuality and gender before, and said that in the boiling isles all parts on the sexuality and gender spectrum have been normalized to the point were everybody is open abut them. So that suggests that Ed may be Pan and starting a relationship with a Nonbinary individual.

Emira finally getting some of her own characterization. I did not like the Blight twins at first. One big reason was because in a post Gravity Falls disney I am not okay with the tired old concept of having twin characters, who except for 1-2 tiny differences in their appearance are the exact same character with two bodies. In AITE Edric got some development. We saw that he was the more goofy, curios twin, and that he has a fascination with animals, particularly one s that could potentially hurt him. Also re-watching SVSF I think he is a bit more powerful than Emira. Emira so far has only been portrait as the just slightly more sane twin, who watches Ed’s crazy then makes the choice to stop or join him. In this episode we see her take a more big sisterly role and we learn she has an interest in beautification, and helps/gives both her siblings advice on how to look their best.

I have been wanting the twins to join the duel track since AITE when we learned that they still maintain top scores in illusions even though they don’t go everyday; and might in fact skip school because they are under challenged and board. Illusion and Beast Keeping are obvious choices for Edric. After getting some of Emira’s interests in this episode I would say put her in illusions and potions track. When she gets older she can make and launch her own line of cosmetics.

Luz has a new pet. Luz mousy needs a name and for you to keep it in a tank/cage stocked with bedding and stimuli, away from Hooty. Only let King play with it if some one is watching him.

Amity has lilac hair. I expect her natural brown hair, but that is kinda silly since Amity’s personal style is kinda punk/gothic. The lilac hair will take some getting used to, and I am not to sure about leaving those two front locks brown. But someone pointed out that now her hair is the same color her and Luz’s Grom tree and that is adorable.

Amity pecked Luz on the cheek. It happened. We all saw it. Luz now knows Amity likes her back.

#The OWl house #TOH #Through the looking Glass ruins #Gus Porter #Augustus Porter #Mattholomule #TOH Matt #Edric Blight #Emira Blight #Amity Blight #Blight siblings #Luz Noceda #Lumity #Glandis #Illusion track #Echo mouse #I want a pet Echo mouse

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likearecordbb · 3 years ago

Note

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

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whump-town · 3 years ago

Text

pt. 2 but with Mortch (or Hotchgan I don't care which one it is)

not sex but it's like heavily implied (and stated) that they did the nasty so...

Love is complex. Sexuality… Well, Aaron had never truly considered where he fell in the spectrum of things. He watched parades on the television, heard the slurs thrown like bricks at men and women who looked no different than he did. If they never slammed into his back, if they never split his lips open or blackened his eyes then maybe he did look different from them. And, perhaps, that should have spoken enough for him. That he felt isolated when he realized he didn’t look gay or even act like it.

He married Haley when he was nineteen years old and, having only seen the surface of the pool, though that pretty much clarified things. Sexuality might have confused him but gender didn’t and faced with what he thought his only two options to be -- to be a gay man or a lesbian woman -- he thought that matter settled.

But then, how could things be so simple?

A field of tall grass, their mistake lay like a slumbering snake unrecognizable in the swaying fingers of grass reaching up towards their clothes and getting tangled around their feet. Was it the way they’d attacked another the second their hotel door swung shut? Morgan’s tongue claiming dominance and the breath rushing from Hotch’s mouth when his back hit the bed. Knee between parted thighs and belts are undone to slide cold fingers against the throbbing heat. Was it how quickly they’d fallen asleep? Morgan had gone to get a towel, cleaning himself off and doubling back when he’d heard Hotch’s soft breathing, just barely there snores. The murders of countless children still on their minds as Morgan pulled the blankets up over them.

Hotch knew certain movements, without warning, was dangerous. Nearly anything to do with touching Morgan without priorly letting him know Hotch was near was never a safe move. He’d held his palm to his bleeding nose enough times to have placed which creaking floorboards alerted Morgan to his presence or to just softly call Morgan’s name first.

In his sleep, he’d been searching for warmth. He’d fallen asleep on his stomach, shivering where his bare skin was left uncovered and trying to wait out the sound of the faucet in the bathroom for Morgan to come back. Haley had tattled on him years before for being “snuggly” in his sleep, attached like a koala. She’d meant to dissuade the ideas some of the FBI had about him -- the emotionless badass turned into the man who smothers his wife in her sleep because he likes to be held. Years later and it’s the only warning Derek Morgan has for the giant he’s taken to bed.

The combination of things -- days spent looking at the images of dead children, sex still hanging in the air, confidence shattered -- causes a nightmare to boil under Morgan’s skin. Firecrackers of pain lighting up where Hotch’s warmth presses to him. The chest against Morgan’s back, the arms around his hips. He feels like a child in that cabin, confused and exhausted. Only sure of one thing, someone’s touching him who shouldn’t be touching him.

This time when Derek Morgan fights back he’s not a scared little boy. Easily subdued by liquor that makes his tongue thick and fat in his mouth with limbs that can be held still by a single hand. He’s bigger than his attacker, stronger.

Two traumas conflicting so heavily, gasoline raging the fire on.

Hotch raises his arms to protect himself, curls to protect his ribs but lands flat on his back. The room’s too dark. The attack is unprepared for. Two large hands wrap around his neck and he kicks out, flashing between two nightmares. Of his father kicking in his ribs and Foyet’s knife plunging into his chest, rising with each breath that he takes.

Nothing gets past those fingers, around the clamp wrapped tightly around his neck.

The hard fall of bodies had alerted the others, the thud, and sound of fighting alerting them to the danger existing just outside their reach.

“Derek!” JJ bangs on their door, her fist rattling the poorly constructed lock around. “Hotch!”

The fight is dying when Emily comes back with the key and the manager, Hotch’s body growing heavier and heavier beneath Morgan’s. She gets to them first, throwing herself against Morgan and opening a new line of attack. The room is full of their names, Dave leaning Hotch’s neck back, encouraging him to keep taking deep breathes even as they grow to be laced with shuttering sobs. Emily pulling Morgan’s fighting arms, pinning him down until he’s sucking in deep, panicked breaths.

The seven of them sit gasping on the floor, Hotch pulled to rest his head in Dave’s lap. Silence. No one is sure what to say. What they should say.

“You two are perverts,” Emily finally breaks, she hits Morgan’s arm, and the attention of the room shifts to her. To the fact that Morgan and Hotch are wearing boxers that belong to the other and the hickies that have been sucked into their uncovered skin. “We share a wall!” she points to said wall. Then, as if dots are connected, she smacks Hotch, “and you’re my best friend! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Hotch just looks up at her, tired eyes sinking lower and lower as his body comes down from his adrenaline high and the aches of the day are added in with the new. Sleeping on the floor is a horrible idea but Dave keeps stroking his hair back out of his face, humming softly to himself and the comfort is overwhelmingly warm. Too much to fight.

She huffs, shaking her head and repeating her earlier statement, “perverts.”

#criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #emily prentiss #mortch #hotchgan

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sometimesrosy · 3 years ago

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Hey. It's been a long time since I had a question. Maybe the 100's demise was the reason.

Now coming to my actual query. This past year I have binged numerous shows ranging from American to korean dramas or Turkish dizis. There is certain thing that I have felt and noticed throughout i.e., the woman characters aren't given even a slight leeway by the audience. If the even make a slight mistake, the audience remembers it always to stand against that character. Whereas if there is a male villain, people gets cheerful seeing even a slight bit of humanity in him. They even wait for its redemption.

Let me take an example of a Turkish show "kara sevda(black love)". A one line synopsis can be put like- two leads who love each other endlessly but can never be together. So, the villain in that show is beyond redemption. That character has fallen so far off that there is no coming back. But still when he is playing with a baby, people's comments are like 'best moment of the show.' 'see he is such a good person'. 'the female lead should accept his love'. Am like what?

And if I tell you about the female lead. She is a good person at heart who is sacrificing love for family. And she is labelled "selfish" by audience. 'She doesn't deserve the male lead' etc. And you know I too felt like that for the majority of the show until I reached the point of self reflect.

Even Clarke from the 100 faced so much hate that there wasn't any visible backlash when in the end the makers made her a villain. The backlash was for Bellamy death and stupid end instead.

Looking through tv series, it's so easy to see why tv or films doesn't have female anti heroes. Male anti heroes are so easy to find and also widely successful like Damon from tvd or Klaus.

What is your take?

Yup!

Yes.

Definitely.

You are absolutely correct. The leeway for female characters to show human imperfection is very, very thin. Meanwhile, a guy can literally blow up a planet, kill his beloved father, have temper tantrums with kicking and screaming and torture the female main characters and fandom-- and the creators-- think that makes him a hero. And the requirements for his redemption, if there are any at all amounts to:

WOOPSIE! I'M SOWWY.

I simply do NOT understand that phenomenon.

I mean, I get the need to relate to darker characters, morally gray characters, to explore our own negative impulses...but the whole tendency is, for me anyway, given a more sinister light when you compare how the audience tends to treat these outright villainous male characters compared to even SLIGHTLY morally gray female characters. Maybe just flawed.

It also interferes with satisfying redemption arcs. Because YES watching someone face their dark past and attempt to become better and be redeemed is a great story... but if male characters only have to wear a cape and be hot to be redeemed.... then that's not a satisfying redemption arc. And if women can't do ANYTHING to be redeemed because they are considered irredeemably selfish or whatever for the same flaws someone's Hot Dark Badboy smirks about and isn't even sorry for? Then we barely even get redemption stories for women.

And that's part of the problem, isn't it? Women aren't allowed the same representation as men... even as flawed characters.

The point of good representation is not to represent only the best, most perfect, most desirable, most successful type of people. The point is to allow everyone of any sex, race, gender, sexuality, religion, class, ability, etc to take part in the full spectrum of humanity in our stories, good and bad and mediocre. A female Mary Sue is just the female version your general male hero. One is considered bad storytelling the other is taken as The Way It Should Be.

Women are not allowed to have flaws in most of our pop culture, or women are ghettoized into only women's fic or romance or YA, or women take backseat to male villains, or whatever.

I'm writing a book where the woman abandoned her child, and she sleeps around and cons people and avoids commitment. I purposely wrote her to be unlikable.... or rather, she's not unlikable, she's clever and funny and weird, but she has characteristics that women aren't supposed to have. She essentially acts like a male anti-hero, until her call to action and she is forced to face her past mistakes. But I know that these are things that audiences say are irredeemable for women. Abandon her own child?? No. Not allowed. Even though plenty of male characters go off on adventures leaving wife and child behind and it isn't even considered a character flaw, just... a male adventurer. Or honestly, just a guy. Sure one who's imperfect, but that old ball and chain was probably the worst, right? He had to move on and now he has a tragic backstory and complexity and oh the audience will probably either want to be him or want to be with him, because, that's how these things work.

Not saying that characters shouldn't be dark, do bad things, have flaws, be anti-heroes, have redemption arcs, or have a deep, multilayered villainy.

But I am saying we might want to be a little more critical about what we consider irredeemable for certain people and what war crimes and abuse we let some characters get away with in the name of bold (white) masculinity.

IS the nature of being a (white) man we look up to someone who destroys other people?

I think that toxic masculinity IS seen as sexy. Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons it's seeped into our culture. Manly (white) men who abandon kids and kill without remorse, but with muscles. Manly (white) men who murder whole regions because bad things happened to them, and smolder while doing it. Manly (white) men who commit genocide regularly, but fall for the heroine and save her once. Manly (white) men who are serial killers but with an intriguing depth.

tbh there's lots more to say on the topic, some of it very controversial. These are the stories we like to hear and the characters we love. And it might be rooted in the toxic masculinity that our society has been selling to us as propaganda for decades, if not centuries-- but we don't like to be told to examine our biases, our tastes, our preferences, or our beliefs. It's threatening to our sense of self.

However, that is how you unravel all sorts of toxic belief systems, from misogyny to racism to homophobia to bigotry of all kinds. I added the (white) to this post after I read through it, because I realized non white male characters are not allowed this leeway, either. So this phenomenon is generally (not always) limited to white men. Why?????

my theory? we're still making the colonialists the heroes of the story, friends.

#misogyny #toxic masculinity #media #anti heroes and villains #colonialism #pop culture #fandom #redemption arcs

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