#'i hate what you and your life represents as a whole compared to mine and i shall throroughly destroy it to feel better about my condition'

[swallowtail-ageha]

In my mind the dancer/sulyvahn dynamic is less frollo/esmeralda and more. Alba trueba and esteban garcia minus the incest

[tinytinyblogs]

Gonna show them you're mine

Seonghwa is tired of keeping you and his relationship a secret; he's ready to take action.

(non-idol au, include one curse word) 2,4k words

💬@s1riushwa Thanks for this request! I hope you like the story I wrote for you. If you have more requests, feel free to let me know—I'm here to help!

Ateez masterlist here

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

He's really liked by a lot of people because he represents everything many wish to be. With his good looks, kindness, and caring nature, he seems like the perfect person. When he walks into a room, a bunch of people gather to look at him and appreciate how amazing he is. He has lots of different friends, and it seems like his life is really cool. It's like he's walking on a special path with flowers, a path that others can only dream of. When he's around, people can't help but think he's extraordinary, making him stand out as a really special person. Park Seonghwa is known all over the university, and even students from other schools know him. He's the main person everyone pays attention to, catching the eye of the whole university community. In simple terms, he's not just popular for his looks but also for being an outstanding person at the university. His popularity goes beyond just his own school; it reaches and connects with students from other schools too.

It's not only in his immediate academic surroundings that he gets attention. Instead, his influence and importance go beyond that, making him a central figure in the larger student community. You find yourself to be entirely different and the opposite of him, Park Seonghwa – a regular student leading a simple life that's quite different from his impressive and glamorous existence. Your group of friends is small, and your quiet and understated personality often means some students don't notice you, as you tend to keep to yourself. In every way, you give off an ordinary vibe. Both you and Seonghwa share the same university space, but it's like comparing day and night because even though you're aware of his presence, your lives are quite different. Every so often, you watch him from a distance, observing how people are drawn to him, creating a scene that feels like an unreachable experience in your own quieter world.

Your day usually involves basic activities like coming to the university, attending classes, exchanging greetings with a few familiar faces, and then heading home after it's all done. However, in this routine, there's a noticeable lack of the attention and recognition that seems to naturally come Seonghwa's way every day. Unlike him, your presence doesn't attract the same level of notice or interest from those around you. The difference is clear as you navigate through the academic world – Seonghwa effortlessly grabs attention, while you go about your routine with a feeling of being somewhat unnoticed, blending into the background. Life is like a complex picture, and surprises often hide in the corners, away from the eyes of the world. What no one really knows is that, in the busy university life, there's a secret relationship between you and Seonghwa.

Away from public view, you both share private moments as a couple, and Seonghwa proves to be the most wonderful boyfriend you've ever had. The choice to keep your relationship a secret comes from an agreement between you and Seonghwa. Mainly, it's a way to protect you from any potential negativity or unwanted attention that often comes with being connected to someone like Seonghwa. Knowing that some people can get possessive and intense about him, Seonghwa wants to keep you away from any hate or criticism that might come your way. Additionally, both of you understand the importance of keeping the real and personal aspects of your connection safe and intact. By keeping your relationship a secret, you create a special place where the true nature of your connection remains protected from outside influences.

This decision is intentional, aiming for your relationship to develop naturally, shielded from the sometimes harsh judgment of the public eye. So, you and Seonghwa continue to navigate the complexities of your romance in the comforting privacy, appreciating the authentic bond you share away from the prying eyes of the world. But one thing you may overlook is that even though you're not in the spotlight, it doesn't mean others aren't aware of your presence. Just as Seonghwa was captivated by you and charmed by your personality, there are undoubtedly others who have also taken notice. In the intricate dance of human connections, the mysterious and undiscovered often attract people, drawing them towards you, even if the details of your romantic involvement with Seonghwa remain hidden. In the middle of the busy crowd surrounding Seonghwa, there was a moment that made this clear.

He watched as a stranger approached and started chatting with you as if it was a regular conversation. From an outsider's view, it looked normal – just people talking casually. But little did this person know, your heart belonged to Seonghwa, and the conversation only covered what was necessary. The hidden aspects of your relationship added complexity to these seemingly ordinary interactions that unfolded in the colorful tapestry of your shared university experience. As time passed, Seonghwa began to notice a repeated pattern. There was someone who consistently lingered around you, having long conversations and giving subtle glances that, though not obvious, didn't escape Seonghwa's keen awareness. Having experienced those meaningful glances before, Seonghwa understood their importance. As this situation unfolded, a feeling of discomfort started to settle within him.

Even with many people around in different social settings, Seonghwa's focus stayed firmly on you. Seeing you exchange smiles with this persistent person stirred up a mix of emotions in him — a complicated blend of sadness and frustration. The conflict deepened for Seonghwa, who values openness and honesty. He found himself torn between wanting to express his feelings and recognizing the complexity of the situation. The contrast between the lively social scene and the quiet ache in his heart became more noticeable, creating a sense of discord that tested Seonghwa's emotional strength. However, Seonghwa now faces a dilemma. His frustration is not directed at you; instead, he's upset with himself. To your eyes, the other guy seems friendly, but Seonghwa knows the hidden motives behind the guy's seemingly pleasant behavior.

At a certain point, Seonghwa felt a strong urge to step in, to confidently approach you and pull you away from the constant presence of that persistent person. However, a strong restraint held him back — a clear awareness of the potential consequences if the public found out about the secret nature of your relationship. The internal struggle grew into a growing concern, becoming a heavy burden on Seonghwa's heart. The stark difference between the private haven of your affectionate moments behind the scenes of university life and the external appearance of two seemingly unrelated strangers on campus became an increasingly pressing issue. While the idea of maintaining this double life seemed okay at first, Seonghwa started to doubt how sustainable it was. The gap between the close connection you had in private and the apparent distance in public became more noticeable.

This led Seonghwa to realize that what initially seemed fine was now causing discomfort. The delicate balance he had tried to keep was starting to fall apart, making him face the complexities of a relationship that thrives in secrecy but desires acknowledgment in the open. As Seonghwa's jealousy became more apparent, you couldn't help but notice a change in his gaze. Even in busy crowds, his eyes seemed to tell a tale of longing and possessiveness, expressing the unspoken emotions swirling within him. At times, he would purposely take you to quiet places during breaks, a subtle but intentional effort to enjoy moments of focused attention that he felt were being given to the other person. Despite the obvious signs of jealousy, his responses to your questions remained guarded, with seemingly casual phrases like "I'm fine" or "Just wanted to be with you" whenever you asked about his feelings.

The contrast between Seonghwa's quiet expressions of longing and his outward assurances that everything was okay created a complex interplay of emotions. His desire for the attention you gave to the other person became a strong motivation behind these private moments, sharply contrasting with the calm responses he gave when questioned. The dynamic between the unspoken wish for a special connection and the act of appearing casual added a complex layer to the evolving story of your relationship, leaving both of you navigating the fragile terrain of emotions and unspoken feelings. All Seonghwa wants is to have your complete attention, just for himself. As Seonghwa, your dedicated partner, got more and more wrapped up in a mix of emotions, he found himself daydreaming about being openly recognized. He felt a twinge of jealousy watching other couples freely showing their love in public, holding hands as if the world revolved around their shared moments.

The longing to break free from the secrecy started growing within him, pushing him to express the thoughts that had been swirling in his mind. One evening, in the cozy setting of your home after a day at the university, Seonghwa cautiously brought up the topic. With his hand gently on your cheek, he pondered out loud, "What if we let people know that we're dating?" The question hung in the air, carrying the weight of his unspoken desires. Your response served as a gentle reminder of the agreement you both made to keep your relationship private, framing the conversation within the context of the deliberate choice you had made together. The contrast between Seonghwa's longing for public recognition and the commitment to maintaining secrecy added a poignant color to the delicate dynamics of your shared connection. The tipping point for Seonghwa came on a particular day when he noticed the other guy crossing certain boundaries.

The situation became more intense as Seonghwa saw lingering gazes filled with affection directed at you, even when your attention was elsewhere. The moment became especially difficult for him as he witnessed the guy's enamored smile in response to the sweet gestures or actions you took. In Seonghwa's heart, those gestures were supposed to be exclusively reserved for him, and the realization that someone else was intruding on what he considered his own territory proved too much for him to bear. The turning point, however, happened when the guy went so far as to use his hand to gently move strands of your hair away from your face. This seemingly innocent action, with an underlying tone of familiarity and intimacy, stirred up a storm within Seonghwa. The surge of possessiveness and jealousy that had been building up underneath erupted, and Seonghwa found himself unable to hold back the swirl of emotions any longer.

This explosive reaction was a clear expression of the emotional turmoil that had been brewing. Seonghwa struggled with the unsettling idea that someone else was intruding into the space of affection and connection that he believed should belong exclusively to him. In a moment of intense emotion, Seonghwa forcefully moved through the crowd, creating a path that brought him closer to you. Without a second thought, he grabbed your hand, urging you to follow him as he quickly guided you towards the privacy of the school rooftop. He was determined to distance both of you from the presence of that other guy who had been encroaching on what Seonghwa considered his own territory. In the heat of the moment, there was a strong intensity as Seonghwa pulled you along, gently but firmly pressing you against a wall along the way. Seeing your worried expression, you sought answers from Seonghwa, asking, "Hwa, what's wrong?" A heavy silence hung in the air as Seonghwa, still catching his breath, wrestled with the powerful emotions that had driven him into this sudden escape.

The presence of the other guy had stirred up a storm within him, leaving him momentarily unable to speak. "They're going to see us," you pointed out, trying to make sense of the situation. However, Seonghwa, with a determined shake of his head, dismissed any concerns about potential onlookers. "I don't care," he asserted, his voice carrying a newfound determination. "I no longer care whether they know or not." Placing a hand gently on your chin and drawing you even closer, he expressed his unfiltered feelings, "I want them to know that you are mine." The weight of his words, filled with possessiveness and a desire for public recognition, hung in the air, marking a significant moment in your relationship as Seonghwa unabashedly took control of the narrative of your shared connection. A significant realization dawned on Seonghwa as he looked into your eyes, reflecting on the depth of his emotions.

A feeling of regret swept over him, tied to the choice to keep your relationship a secret. In the earnestness of your gaze, he found himself revisiting the beginning of his affection for you, realizing that, right from the start, he should have proudly declared your connection to the world, without caring about others' opinions or attention. "I should announce to the whole world that you are mine," Seonghwa admitted with a hint of remorse, recognizing the weight of the emotions he had concealed. The intensity of your stare served as a poignant reminder of the missed chances to openly celebrate your love. In response, he declared, "No, I won't let anyone else love what's mine. I won't let anyone else entertain the idea that they have a chance." The firmness in his tone reflected a newfound determination to claim his stake and protect the sanctity of your connection.

Seonghwa, unwavering in his dedication, declared that regardless of others' approval or the acceptance of the other guy, you were undeniably his beloved. This statement served as a strong assertion of ownership and a commitment to no longer hide the love that rightfully belonged to him. Disregarding societal judgments, Seonghwa boldly stated, "I don't care about what other people think! Tomorrow, I'll proudly hold your hand all the way to university." The passion in his words was sealed with a heartfelt kiss, a tangible symbol of his resolve to cast aside the secrecy that had concealed your relationship. As the rooftop door opened, revealing both of you, Seonghwa met the other guy's gaze without hesitation. Instead of avoiding it, Seonghwa embraced the revelation, wanting the guy to understand the depth of your connection.

In that moment, Seonghwa's casual attitude carried a clear message: your love was no longer a secret to be kept. With the truth out in the open, Seonghwa's lack of concern about the possibility of news spreading about your relationship became apparent. In his eyes, others' opinions didn't matter much. The most important thing was that you belonged to him, and as long as that remained true, everything else could fall into place however it might. The recognition of your love, free from external judgments, marked a significant change in your relationship dynamics. Seonghwa embraced an unwavering determination to openly claim you, unaffected by the opinions of the world around you. Because, once again, whether they like it or not, you are his, no matter what.

©Tinytinyblogs

[phoenixyfriend]

ok. karin vs anakin's genome being 50% the Force. go

Jesus fuck, okay. Uh, fair warning, I know very little about this subject, so it’s 90% bullshit. I am in no way qualified to talk about biology past the high school level.

Anakin's sixteen. He's part of a set of Jedi assigned to a weird mission regarding making contact with an isolated planet of near-humans with superpowers but no space travel. He doesn’t really have a Job here and now, he’s just there as Obi-Wan’s plus-one. There's an underlying plot about Sidious trying to acquire people from Ninja Land, but none of the Jedi are fully aware of it. Mostly they're distracted by all the ninjas and their bitching.

They call it the Shinobi Planet, because nobody can agree on a name for the planet when they ask and the last major international alliance was named after the shinobi profession, right? Good enough, you can change it later when you idiots can agree on literally anything, oh my god. The Samurai are very offended and it's a whole thing.

Anakin wanders a lot. He runs into various strange people and is mostly polite because, listen, half his friends are distinctly not human. When your immediate circle includes nautolans and besalisks and twi’leks and whatever the fuck Yoda is, you’re not gonna blink at a Hoshigaki or... uh... okay that kid just turned into a giant fox, is anybody gonna--no? That’s normal? Just him? Cool, cool, cool.

There’s a kage summit involved in the negotiations going on. IDK what’s being negotiated, probably something to get the ninjas to set up a singular spaceport so there’s somewhere to land WITHOUT ships being regularly shot down by village defense systems powered by that massive flaming purple skeleton warrior or the girl who punched down a mountain or the.. the literal desert? There’s a guy that can control the desert? Is there any way of keeping him away from Anakin?

(Gaara’s tickled pink that the reason someone wants to stay away from him has nothing to do with fear or respect for authority, and everything to do with ‘he is also from the desert and fucking hates it, so he’s staying away from the sand powers,’ because it’s very novel and kind of funny.)

ANYWAY where was I. Uh. Right, kage summit, lots of villages, they invite smaller villages to pitch in, but nobody ever ever ever wants Orochimaru anywhere near this situation, for hopefully obvious reasons, so Otogakure sends Karin.

Really, who else was it gonna be? Suigetsu? You want Suigetsu representing you on an interstellar political field? You want Juugo before he’s stabilized? You want Sasuke, master of ruining kage summits? You want these idiots representing you at the big kids’ table?

They send Karin. She’s a bitch with a temper, but at least she’s not as big of a political risk as... literally anyone else from the snakepit.

Anyway, Anakin wanders around, meeting people, trying foods, showing off when asked for demonstrations. He doesn’t have an Entire Protocol Droid, but he did cobble together a little floating helper that can do translations for him. Assume all translations are accurate and being done by the little helper bot. Bot’s name is G1-0T. Anakin calls it Glot.

He runs into Karin at one point, who’s not super into the whole situation, but at least Anakin’s interesting. She’s not interested in him, because he’s sixteen and she’s like... mid-twenties. And his hair is stupid. But! All these force-sensitive people feel weird to her, because sensor stuff, and it’s not chakra but it’s... something. Anakin is, of course, the weirdest.

(There are non-sensitives in the envoy, so she knows it’s not just a space thing.)

She strikes up a conversation about it, because hey, she hasn’t made it this far to not lean into... you know, being the kind of person who barges ahead with Weird Questions that might lead into fun science stuff.

Anakin is like. Well. This woman’s very strange, but it’s not like there’s anything against talking about midichlorians to random people. It’s easy enough to look up in the core. Not everyone knows about them, but it’s not a secret or anything.

“Wow,” Karin says, though not in so many words, “that sounds incredibly strange, and actually a lot like it functions completely differently from chakra, though maybe it intersects with nature chakra somehow. Can I take a blood sample?”

Anakin doesn’t want to give a blood sample to a stranger. Karin isn’t stupid enough to try to steal one. She’s seen what this Force Stuff can do, and this kid’s got a lot of it. She hasn’t got enough information on hand about it to know if he’d notice.

“How about I let you look at the blood of a guy that can turn into water?” Karin asks, because she’s not going to let him look at her blood. “I’ve got it with me.”

“...why?” Anakin asks, reasonably disturbed.

“He owes me,” she says, and does not elaborate.

“What, there’s nothing weird about your blood to share?” Anakin demands, like the ornery little bastard he is.

“People took my blood against my will for over a decade,” Karin says, with the kind of smile that threatens a stabbing. This is not secret information. Her healing factor is in the bingo book. Plenty of people still want her dead. “Nobody gets my blood except me.”

Anakin has no idea what to do with that answer. Most people wouldn’t know what to do with that answer. It’s not exactly a standard answer.

“So there is something weird about your--e chu ta what the fuck are those scars?”

Karin looks at her arm. She looks back at him. She raises an eyebrow.

“What do you think they are?”

He stares a little longer, and then very carefully does not say anything as she pushes her sleeve back down.

“So can I look at your blood?” she asks again.

“Uh--”

“You can look at mine under a microscope,” she wheedles. “You can’t take any, though.”

Anakin... does eventually agree. Eventually.

-----------

There is a very angry redhead yelling at a machine, and Anakin does not know what to do.

“Is something wr--”

“What the fuck is your blood?” she demands. “It’s glowing in ultraviolet. It burned the dye up. I tried to sequence your genome--”

“Woah, I did not agree to that.”

“--and look at this. Look at this!”

“I don’t know how to read your graphs. None of this is a language I know.”

“It’s garbage,” she hisses at him. Glot takes a few moments to process it. “Look at this. This is supposed to--fuck, where’s the Jiraiya file, he’s standard--this is what it’s supposed to look like for most humans with chakra. And this is a civilian, and a few bloodline users--”

“Do you just carry these around with you?”

“Shut up, you don’t exist. You have--you have more in common with summons than people. I ran a blood test on one of your human diplomats, the ones that aren’t monks--”

“When did they agree to that?”

“They didn’t, I’m just sneaky.”

“I should tell Obi-W--”

“STAY THERE, I’M NOT DONE YELLING YET. Do you see this? Do you see this shit? This is the one and only time I’ve managed to perform any kind of analysis on a bijuu. They don’t usually have blood. Shukaku is sand. Matatabi is literally just fire. This was almost impossible to make happen, but I did it because I’m a dedicated biomedical resea--”

“Because you’re unhinged.”

“--rcher, and you know what? You know what I’ve found?”

“What?”

“Your blood looks like you’re half demon,” she says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking, a little wild-eyed and clearly pissed at him. “Half of it’s human! Half of it looks like the non-physical chakra manifestations that were torn-apart remnants of a godlike demon. The fuckers can’t die. They also can’t breed. They don’t have reproductive organs! This isn’t just demon-tainted like a jinchuuriki, I’ve got that analyzed--”

“Why?”

“Because my cousin’s a moron, don’t change the subject. You--you shouldn’t exist. Your blood is stupid. Fuck, is this what I’d find if I analyzed the Sage of the Six Paths?”

“The what?”

She ignores him, frowning at papers. “Is--I need to call Haruno, she might still have some of Kaguya’s blood dried on her old gloves from the war, I know she kept those as a souvenir from the whole ‘punched a god’ thing.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“There was a thing a few years back, godlike alien demon princess who got sealed into a moon by her sons a thousand years ago, but her immortal sentient goo child brought her back with a giant tree that consumed all the tailed beasts-the flaming fox you saw earlier is one of them--and then used a giant eyeball to reflect off the moon to put everyone in a hallucination at the same time so she could eat our life-forces,” Karin dismisses. “It’s not important.”

“There is--what?”

Jedi see many things. Many of those things are very strange.

This is a little much even for Anakin.

“It’s over, if you want the actual details, talk to my idiot cousin,” she huffs. “But now I need to run comparisons between the actual nonsense that is your entire existence and the actual nonsense that is my cousin’s existence, and maybe Sasuke’s... fuck this is going to be a mess, I’m going to have to cross-reference all the clans with bloodlines we know are derived from Kaguya, she’s the only angle we have on gods like that, unless... maybe there’s still some black Zetsu goo somewhere... Orochimaru must have kept a sample...”

“Uh, can I--can I go? I’m not comfortable here.”

“I need to find Naruto so he can call the Sage of the Six Paths out of the afterlife so I can see if I can get blood from a ghost to compare to yours.”

[queernuck]

The Cleveland Browns made the playoffs. The Islanders made the Eastern Conference Finals.

And that’s enough for me.

So long, so long I have been living like this, pretending that I want to keep on living, that life feels worthwhile, that I don’t want to kill myself. Suicide is for cowards but ive been chickening out for a whole decade, to the point where getting on the subway was itself something that involved convincing myself not to jump in front of it. I remember once while working in the city, I watched and waited as two trains came in and left, trying to get the energy to jump in front of them. I had decided, if I couldn’t do it by the time a second train came and went, I would go to work and save it for another day. I came very close, my legs tense like a linebacker on 4th & Goal, but I didn’t do it. Maybe it would be better if I had, I would have saved not only myself but a lot of other people a lot of pain and suffering. I’ve been dealing with feeling suicidal for a decade, an entire ten years, and made it through. And for what? I lost a retail job at minimum wage, I’ve seen the Giants go from two-time Super Bowl kingslayers to a team that relied on the Eagles for a playoff berth, I got to see Evangelion only for the final Rebuild film to be infinitely delayed, I have a useless non-degree that allows me to eloquently describe how the Democrats and Republicans alike are driving this stolen land to Fascism while sycophants tell me Vote Blue No Matter Who. I’m so tired, I’m not even the person people think me to be, since if I were, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

My paychecks, as hard-earned as they were, never seemed to be mine in any real sense, and it made me so frustrated that something in me broke at the beginning of this year. I made some mistakes, some very stupid ones, and got myself fired. I took money from and distorted the inventory of my store to get what amounted to pocket money, less than two paychecks. I was tempted because I feel so powerless, so much like nothing I could ever say or do matters, and so I decided to lash out against a place that mattered to me, against people I cared about deeply. Chain stores, corporations, all of those things are not really high on my list of things to care about. Barnes & Noble pushed out local booksellers years ago, an irony not lost on me whenever our own competition with Amazon was made apparent. We were reaping what we had sown. But what always interested on top of this irony was how symbolic these things could be to people, how much we figured into so may memories for so many. The Manga Aisle at Barnes & Noble is a staple of 2006 scene culture, a way that kids without the pocket money to afford the newest volume of Bleach it Naruto could keep up before scams became widely available. How the store was a place where people studying for standardized tests could use the test prep guides to try and get ready for the eugenic ritual of the standardized test. And just how much a chain bookstore became a substitute, socially, for the now-absent local bookstore. We bear the guilt for that, but at the same time we were still selling books, giving people a place to get coffee and sit and read and talk, in ways that libraries may not be able to. We certainly can never replace a library, given just what a library does for people. But we did do a lot of good all the same. Before it closed, some of my fondest memories came when I was the exact sort of annoying teenage customer I grew to hate, hanging out at the Columbus Circle Borders. Working at Barnes & Noble was tiring, dehumanizing, difficult, made me feel like I would never measure up to the authors we sold, the people books were written about, that I was a failure. And I am, as my death shows. But it also made me a part of something I was proud of. And that Above & Beyond pin I earned is in my jacket still, a reminder of something.

That something was shown in so many of the coworkers I had, who were incredible in so many ways. I feel awful for what I did, I genuinely do, because of how it may have hurt people who thought so kindly of me, people who deserve so much good. I wish I had the ability to address each of them individually but this decision was hastily made, and i have a feeling it will show in the things I miss in this note. Audra, your help in finding me a way to use the company policies to my advantage as a worker was something that gave me faith even after having seen the despicable firings and cuts the company went through. Linda, I can’t quite square the circle here given my actions, but I want to say your disappointment broke my heart and that while I will not be the one who shows it, your reassurance that everyone makes mistakes was welcome.

To my (former) fellow booksellers at Store 2216, all of my love and my sincerest apologies. You all have so much good in you, your willingness to listen to my ADHD-fueled rants and to discuss so many things with an incredible frankness was always impressive, in addition to part of what I loved about all of you. I want you all to be happy, and the kinship I felt with you was a vital part of what kept me going. It was tough, as you all know. But at times, it almost felt worth it.

The same is true of my CTY friends: it was a weird, magical place that frankly, a lot of us idealized for far too long and which sk many of us eventually outgrew without being able to let go of. And that was tough, that was something we had a great deal of difficulty understanding, that what helped us once was not always going to be helping us, was not always what we needed. But in eventually finding that, we found solace, we realized how life as a whole functions and just what it is that we can take from places like it.

To my other family, my Cleo family, I know I haven’t been terribly active lately, but I can never, ever thank you enough for the belonging you gave me. I have never felt anywhere as welcoming as Cleo. As warm as Cleo (even as we struggled to pay for the oil bill) was. As kind and understanding. As tolerant. As questioning and inquisitive into what that tolerance meant to us. I am thankful, eternally, for what you all did for me. The incredible experiences I had as a Cleo make me proud of what the organization can represent, and one of my dying wishes is that the organization continues to reach out to marginalized communities on Trinity’s campus. There is much work to be done in making sure abusers cannot hide in our family, but I trust you all to do that work. Tucker Carlson is a Trinity grad and we must embody the opposite of what he stands for, no matter how difficult it may be. I could go on about how this means opposing liberals and Liberalism/Neo—Liberalism due to the truth of tolerance resulting in a Popper-esque Paradox of Tolerance that implies Popper is a worthwhile philosopher, but that’s another issue.

To my friends on that Blue Hellsite, tumblr, you made a continual presence worth it, even with all of the bullshit this place brings. It’s the reason I read so much Foucault, Derrida, Deleuze & Guattari, read Žižek against himself, and so on and so on, and the value of that to me can never be overstated. I learned so much from the ways in which I learned to analyze the world, and that in turn became a huge inspiration for why I should try to do what I could to make the world closer to a place of revolution, one where we could perhaps eke out a living for one another. I loved how much I could be an unrepentant nerd and still love hockey on there, and while the

NHL fans on tumblr are incredibly annoying,

I can deal with that compared to the racism of most hockey fans.

Mom, Dad? I just couldn’t live with you any longer. I’m so sorry.

Grandma, I love you.

And the things I leave behind? Donate what can be donated. Hats, please auction, or at least offer to other HatHeads at a reasonable price. I had some nice ones. As for assorted albums, clothing, and other things, sell them and donate to a Harm Reduction organization, or organizations that advocate for PWUD in a radical fashion. WE DESERVE AUTONOMY!

I am a victim of the War on Drugs. Sobriety was always hellish to me, and I could never take it. I want people to be able to live how they want, to see sobriety and being on drugs as equally valuable states, to see the two as no different from one another.

Abolish all gun laws

End the War on Terror

Decriminalize and legalize all drugs, sobriety is what killed me.

I love all of you.

LET’S GO ISLANDERS!

[monkey-network]

Why Klaus IS Christmas Kino

Klaus isn’t flawless, let’s get this out the way. My love for this film won’t deny that it bears a couple nits that can distract the experience. Jesper and Alva’s relationship felt like an eye-rolling inevitability, notable cliches here & there, a notable song felt both fitting and out of place, and while enjoyable, I’m not as big a fan of the climax as I thought. But in spite of it all, I love this film and it is one of the best modern animated Christmas films, period? Follow me here. I could go on about its wonderful animation cuz yeah, it’s unlike any other film. But a philosophy of mine is that the best animation enhances the writing and I can say Klaus is that surprisingly well written and has become an all time Christmas fave

*deep breath in* So let’s do this...

I mention that Klaus has its cliches, but you gotta know that it’s smarter than expected. Believe me when I say if the writers didn’t care, this could’ve actually been so much worse. Jesper could’ve been more manipulative towards everyone for his goals, Klaus would’ve given up entirely after knowing the truth about Jesper, we could’ve had an argument between Jesper and his dad about upholding business, the townsfolk could’ve reverted back to their old ways, plenty writing moments where this could’ve been Emoji Movie levels of insulting to your intellect. BUT, they don’t. The film never really turns back on itself, it keeps moving where, as the notable quote goes, an act of good will sparks another as it starts with Jesper’s father.

Even if nepotism was responsible for Jesper getting the job in the first place, he clearly sees his son be more spoiled than he’s worth so is like, “Ma boi, I will send you to the ends of the earth or leave you to the streets if you don’t do something with yourself.” He never cared about his son representing the postal company, or ruining his top class image, he was only tired of Jesper taking advantage of his fortune while not having any ambition of his own. Can’t help but say Jesper’s dad is a very respectable character because the sole reason the whole plot happened in the first place was because he just wanted his son to do better. It’s that act of genuine consideration that pushes Jesper to his wake up call as he reaches Smeerensburg.

People have compared this movie to Emperor’s New Groove through Jesper’s character and I say yes, but this film takes that next step and put Jesper in the pit of pits way early. Reminds me more of Ratatouille’s beginning where Remy’s lowest point is around the same time as Jesper’s. The harsh atmosphere of the island is treated very blunt in how this is our mailman’s nightmare come true. With his situation, our guy is truly at his lowest. Gives up now, he’ll be cut off his inheritance and probably will have worse. Everyone hates him and each other, his post office itself is in shambles, symbolic of how communication is practically thin outside conflict, and the teacher turned fish seller Alva is that path Jesper could notably be if he didn’t try. Everything is literally grey for this guy, but like Ratatouille, when you’re at your lowest there’s no where else to go but up. That’s where Klaus comes in...

This is genuinely the most clever interpretation of Santa I know, hands down. A well established woodsman, a crafter both of living, for him and the birds that reside in his woods, and recreation with the toys he made himself not just for kids, but specifically the kids he and his wife wanted but couldn’t have. Klaus feels like a real person, not just another take on the mythical man. You’re with him and Jesper as he, after familiar winds provide him a letter, a small spark to do something good, soon opens up and gets reminded of what’s kept him going all these years. It is no wonder he sees his wife in Jesper, it’s thanks to him that he could refurbish his dashed dream into a new one. He didn’t just want to do it for the children of the island, but for himself. That is another thing about this film: communication. I mention before how it’s practically thin at first due to a long going feud that isn’t even aware of why it’s still going. The joy in hate is only for hatred’s sake, and they make it very clear how miserable it all feels. That is where Jesper comes in. They don’t take shortcuts with how he gets the ball rolling, both accidentally and purposefully, he boots up to get things done, pushes himself to go to Klaus to make things happen. This is all in part by the youth, what really ties the plot together...

As I mentioned before (again), life in Smeerensburg is noticeably miserable but thanks to Klaus, by extension Jesper, the kids are enticed to do what it takes to get some genuine joy in their lives through the toys they’re able to get. They’ll make them letters, and if they can’t write, they’ll go to Alva for teachings, and if they act naughty, they’ll try to do good which in turn pushes the adults to do good for the sake of their kids. It really would’ve been one thing to sure enough make the kids spoiled because of the toy giving, focusing more on the extrinsic value of Klaus’s kindness but no. The children are very grateful for these gifts enough to feel compelled to do good, and it makes them feel good as much as it soon makes the adults more convinced to stop fighting. It helps that this all takes place in older times cuz I believe this would’ve been far different, possibly worse, if this took place in modern times. That or just kinda rip off Arthur Christmas, it’s my guess. As such, it gradually becomes an amazing Christmas film because it isn’t just the presents, the Santa Claus myth, the festive style of it all that makes this holiday special to me. It’s the warmth... of togetherness.

My favorite detail about Klaus is how it transitions from cold to warm with its atmosphere. We start out with the emptiest, harshest environment, enough fog to choke your eyes, and then we get to this moment with a brighter, clearer sight of the more united town as the Christmas spirit builds in the film, even when it isn’t even that day yet in-universe, so too does the warmhearted feeling that can come from celebrating it appear more and more. This film fleshes out more of what the Grinch taught me, what A Charlie Brown Christmas taught me, what I’ve come to appreciate about Christmas as I grew up in this materialistic world. I can say everyday can have the Holiday spirit, but Christmas is the time where I feel compelled to be grateful of what I’ve made and got and give back when honestly, I don’t care about getting the most expensive stuff anymore like I used to when I was way younger. This film is so sincere in what it wants to say, and you know this is indeed the same guy that made Minions. Yeah, not kidding and I’ll let you sit with that if you’re reading this as I continue because we have to talk about that moment...

Yeah, I don’t like being the Nostalgia Critic, but I too don’t take kindly to the ‘liar reveal’ trope myself and this could’ve been a point where the film lost me a little. Though you know what? It still works. See, with that trope, what sucks is that it can tend to unravel the plot to where you know as soon as they break apart, they’ll get back together regardless of the deed done. This is why I don’t like A Bug’s Life, don’t @ me. But I’m not saying it can’t done right, like in Over the Hedge. The breakup between Jesper and the others is painful, but it is necessary to give us a couple great character moments. One is with Jesper and his dad, who came back personally to see that Jesper has indeed built something for himself. We get no dialogue between them but it’s clear that even when Jesper’s unintentionally successful thanks to Yzma and Bubba, he can tell his son wasn’t happy leaving everything behind, so he lets him stay since that was what he truly wanted this whole time. Again, give that man some credit for amazing dad. Another moment comes before the big reveal where not only do we see Jesper come to understand his own guilt surrounding his original intentions, but in the end they never hated him for coming back, especially due to him inadvertently stopping the enemy feud all together. Lastly, without that moment, we probably wouldn’t have got this smile. When Margu, purest character ever that I could make a whole segment about but I don’t wanna keep you too long, started to tear up after calling for Jesper thinking he left for good but she then sees our guy never really left and we get this teary smile:

I felt that. Almost more than anything else in this film.

Cliched as it can appear, the execution excels in those more memorable emotions for this film. It’s been a year since I watched this again and I remember so much about these characters. And my god, I haven’t even gotten to the animation which... my god.

Klaus is indeed the most beautiful upon beautiful films I’ve seen, and what makes it better is that it all enhances the story. I mention before of its transitional visual from cold to warm sights, but goddamn, the character designs, the environments, the expressiveness, the textures all amount to style perfect for this alone. I think it would’ve as well received if it had a more flat look, but they seriously went higher for a traditional appealing story that compliments the unique children’s storybook look of it all. This honestly is better than most of modern Disney films that I’ve seen, ironic since it feels like if you took Tangled the Series and made it 3D with more fluid character animation. And if I’m comparing something to the continuous mindblower that’s Tangled the Series, you’ve most certainly got on my best side.

Sergio Pablos and his team really pulled no punches in making this a great movie. A great Christmas movie, one worth seeing if not at least once but every Holiday season for tradition’s sake. Klaus gave me a good time, made me cry, and above all showed me to never stop having a good heart because doing good can indeed go far, thankless as it can be. Heck, my heart felt more rejuvenated than before in making this critique, that’s a testament to how much good this film means to me personally. What else is there to say?

It's The Best

[sokkastyles]

I read a pro-Ma/iko take a few weeks ago and I would love your insight because I couldn't put into words why it's so 'ick' to me. The post referenced to all the times someone tried to/has touched Zuko's scar. It went something like: 'Katara touching his scar was insignificant because it was a superficial way of 'healing' him (i.e. she was a means to an end for him) but also bc she doesn't 'know' him. While Mai touching it meant she still saw him as the same Zuko and was trying to comfort him.

Okay, so there’s a couple of things going on here so I’m going to address these two arguments seperately:

1) Katara touching Zuko’s scar to heal it is insignificant because it was superficial and she doesn’t know him.

2) Mai touching Zuko’s scar means she sees him as the same Zuko and was trying to comfort him.

I heavily disagree with both of these arguments and not even from a shipping POV, but as someone with a disability that affects the way I look, even though mine is very minor compared to Zuko’s.

I actually have said that Katara’s offer to heal Zuko’s scar was a superficial healing and not what he really needed, but that doesn’t mean the offer itself wasn’t meaningful. Zuko didn’t need to have the scar healed in that moment, and I’m so glad he didn’t because I am very opposed to narratives in which disabilities and disfigurements get magicked away (*stares intently at Netflix’s Witcher) but it was the first time that someone had offered him the possibility of healing, and Zuko’s reaction to that tells you how much that meant to him. He’s totally blindsided by the offer not just because what she’s saying sounds impossible (and I tend to think Zuko had no idea that waterbending could be used for healing, and when she offered to heal Iroh he was not at all in a place to listen), but because he’s used to viewing the scar as a representation of his own failures. He sees it as a burden he has to bear, something he has to constantly make up for. That’s essentially what he says in his speech to Katara. Even when he says he has realized lately that he can choose what to make of it, he emphasizes the idea that it’s something he will never be free of. Katara saying “maybe you could be free of it” is important not really for the offer to have the scar erased, which isn’t what Zuko needed, nor would it make him magically switch sides, but because she’s offering a totally alternate perspective on the scar. What if you didn’t have to bear this burden? What if you never had to in the first place?

And that totally shakes Zuko because it’s the first time someone empathized with him over the scar, knowing who he was, knowing what he’s done and where he’s come from, but not actually knowing the details of how he got it.

Iroh tells Zuko all the time that he didn’t deserve how Ozai treated him, not necessarily in words but in actions. And Iroh was there, Iroh knows the whole story intimately. Iroh watched as Zuko was burned. People like Song and Jet who empathize over the scar but assume he got it while fighting the Fire Nation can’t truly empathize because if they did know who he was, they would hate him. And, in fact, Jet turns against Zuko as soon as he learns he’s a firebender (even if only by association, Jet never saw Zuko firebend, just Iroh).

But Katara knows exactly who he is. And she does hold him accountable for what he’s done. But then she sees something different, when he apologizes to her, and when she realizes that he’s another kid like her who has lost their mother. And unlike Iroh, she doesn’t know how he got the scar. She doesn’t know how his family has hurt him, beyond the one thing he said about his mother (which could have meant a hundred different things). And she could have made all sorts of assumptions about the scar. She could have thought that maybe he deserved what happened to him, maybe he’s just a violent person who got burned doing something violent. Zuko might think that if she knew she would think the same thing that a lot of people both in the Fire Nation and outside of it think (like the guy in the Earth Kingdom village in “Zuko Alone”), that the scar showed how much of a disgrace he was, a failure, a weakling, not even his father wants him. But she doesn’t make any of those assumptions despite not really knowing him. She just sees someone who was hurt and it doesn’t matter to her how or why, all that matters to her is that she can do something about it, and if she can, it would be against her character not to try.

That’s a very powerful disability-friendly message because she’s not ignoring the scar, she’s not looking past it, and she’s no longer seeing him as “the face of the enemy,” she’s accepting him without judgement and telling him that this pain that he carries because of his scar is something that is not and never was his fault. She sees someone who needs help and she offers it.

As for Mai, @firelxdykatara wrote a great post that pointed out that it’s not even clear that Mai is supposed to be touching his scar, and I agree. She’s just touching him and the scar is just there. Which I guess you could say means she sees him as the same Zuko, but there are a couple of problems with this. One, the fact that the writers didn’t bother to flesh out her relationship with Zuko pre-series really puts a damper on this. We have no idea what their relationship was prior to them getting together in season three. All we know is that Mai thought he was kinda cute. What does “the same Zuko” mean to Mai? How does Mai feel about being away from him for three years? We don’t know, and in their very first scene as a couple Mai literally tells us, the audience, and Zuko that she doesn’t care to know, either.

The second issue is that he is NOT the same Zuko. He is not the same. He can never be the same. This is something that should be addressed between them, not only because it’s a major trauma that represents how his life has been drastically altered in the past three years, but because it would affect how they are intimate with each other. How does Zuko feel about the scar being touched? How does Mai feel about it? Is the scarred area overly sensitive? Does he have pain? Does he have nerve damage? How much vision/hearing/tactile sensation does he have on that side? All of those are things that would realistically affect their relationship. I don’t necessarily expect the show to address them but the point is this: he is not the same. The scar is a part of him. Disabilities/disfigurements are not something to look past. They are a part of the person. And in the case when someone acquires a disability, they will be the same in some ways but different in others, and that’s something that a romantic partner has to accept. Unfortunately for Mai, the narrative mostly uses their relationship to show how Zuko is not the same as he was before and can never be, nor should he want to be.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ROYAL SIN

Pairing: FFXV!NYX ULRIC x GENDER NEUTRAL!READER

Words: 2.172

Warnings: fluff

Synopsis: On a party, you try to get the attention of a certain Glaive because he is everything you are interested in.

For two hours, you were watching the Glaive that did guard duty during the lame royal ball you had to attend. It was Prince Noctis' birthday and even if he was more absent than present, everyone else had to stay there, having fun. Orders from the King. You wanted to have fun. Just a little bit different than everyone else around you.

So, for a while you tried to find a way to get the Glaive's attention but he seemed to be extremely persistent against your charme. A skill every Glaive had. You knew that. Usually, you treated all guards with the respect they deserved. They were there to protect you and the other members of the royal family. Usually, they worked unnoticed by everyone.

Usually...

But usually, Glaives weren't this extremely handsome. You had met a lot of guards in your life as a royal heir to the throne and yet, this one Glaive was different. He stood out from all the others.

Nyx Ulric was his name. A refugee, coming from Galahd. He wore the Kingsglaive uniform and yet, the typical details of his origin, like the braids in his hair and the small tattoos, were subtly displayed but also proudly represented. He stood there with his hands folded behind his back, tall and honorable, after fighting countless battles against the Imperials.

You knew he got called 'hero', fighting fearlessly against the meanest monsters while looking out for his comrades at the same time. You were sure that this title meant nothing to him. It was just a word, accompanying him like a shadow but disappeared when the light of reality broke through.

You let your eyes roam over his appearance. The shiny metal applications were sparkling in the soft ambient illumination. The warm light of candles got reflected from the polished surface. But all that was nothing compared to the emitted light that came from the man's intense, piercing blue eyes.

You watched him constantly, trying to get his attention just for a split second. You were craving the feeling of his eyes burning on your body. Just for one moment. But like a statue made of stone, he seemed to be unaware of you.

While he seemed to be motionless, composed and under control, you were the complete difference. Since your eyes had landed on him, your mind was busy with wild fantasies how his perfect, full lips would taste. How it would feel when his stubble would brush along your skin when he would kiss you hungrily. And how his greyish hair would feel when you would knot your fingers into it to yank him closer to you.

While you stood at the bar counter, holding a drink in your hand, your attention was fixated on the Glaive with all these thoughts about this man who ignored you completely.

You found an idea to go to him, it was a lame one, but you gulped the rest of your drink before you hurried over to the position of the gruff man, "Glaive!", you called out, loud enough to get his attention and only his, "Please, you have to come with me! There's an emergency!", you said frantically.

Nyx looked concerned at you. The whole evening, he had noticed how you were staring at him. At him, who was just a Glaive. A guard like all the others spread in the room. He was nothing special. Even his Captain reminded him of this fact regularly. He was aware that he was just a refugee, a homeless man, who came to Insomnia to fight against Niflheim because he was in the King's debt. And yet, Nyx got your attention. To see you now in front of him surprised him more than anything else. You addressed him with a problem and his sense of duty demanded from him to help. His sense of duty and the wish to get closer to someone unreachable. He stepped forward, "Your Highness, please, calm down. What happened?", he said serious but softly.

"I have to show you. Please, follow me!", you asked with pleading eyes before you aimed for the exit of the ball room while waving for him to follow you.

Nyx followed you. With your frame in sight, he hurried after you down the hallway to whatever emergency there might be lurking. Different options were popping up in his mind as he considered what problem there could be he had to take care of instead of one of the Kingsguard. The question why you have picked him was the loudest.

You flew down the different hallways of the Citadel, turning left and right ways until you hurried into a room, dragging Nyx after you before you closed the door.

Nyx stood there, watching you locking the door without making any sound before you turned around to close up on the Glaive.

You stopped right under his eyes, looking into these two crystal clear blue orbs, letting your eyes roam over the handsome features with all these small scars of this tall, proud soldier. Softly, you cupped his face, your thumbs were caressing his stubble, softly tracing along the line of his lips before you pulled him down to you. You met his lips longingly, kissing Nyx Ulric strongly for several moments before you loosened the connection again. You leant back just to watch him still enjoying what you have done to him with his eyes still closed.

Nyx considered his next step but he knew what he wanted. He opened his eyes, stepped forward, cupped your face and kissed you strongly with such force that you had to grab into his jacket to keep your balance. He leant back again, staring into your eyes, "We have to stop this, YN. We shouldn’t meet like this all the time.", he breathed before leaning against your forehead, hating himself for saying these things because all he wanted was to be close to you like in all the weeks before.

"You don't really wanna stop that... This ... between us, do you?", you asked with a smile. You already saw the answer in his face but still, you wanted to convince him a bit more, "You don't wanna lose this, right?", you breathed before you kissed along his jawline, letting your lips dance over his beard, kissing down his neck to reach a spot underneath his ear which always made him weak. At that moment, it was the same. You felt it underneath your hands as his heartbeat quickened subtle.

Nyx needed much of his willpower to stay focused, "N-no... I mean, yes! We have to stop... But n-no ... God damnit!", he breathed annoyed that he got defeated by you once again. He grabbed your shoulders to push you against the next wall caging you with his arms before he crashed his lips on yours again.

You snaked your arms around his neck to bring Nyx closer. Nyx Ulric: the Glaive, your lover, your boyfriend. For eight months. He was the one who made your heart skip a bit just with one glance at you. The one who made you swoon with his lips on yours. The one who made you crazy when he kissed you so deeply as if nothing else in the world would matter.

Since the evening had started, Nyx was craving to kiss you because you were undeniably beautiful in your royal attire. Every step you had made was watched by his observing glance even if you hadn't noticed it. Whenever someone talked to you more than just friendly, Nyx became jealous because you were his. And only his. No matter how complicated this situation was, he also couldn't allow someone else next to you.

"Nyx, you really wanna end this?", you asked softly, brushing your nose along his while you enjoyed the iron grip of his hands on your body as he let his hands roam over your back.

"No... You're mine.", he said determined, pulling you closer to him, digging his fingers possessively into the fabric of your attire before he leant his head into the crook of your neck to inhale your alluring scent.

You raked your fingers into his hair to calm him softly. He sounded so desperate because of the whole situation and you just wanted to soothe him again, "I also don't want to end things. But I want to be close to you. I miss you whenever you're not with me.", you breathed what caused Nyx to tighten the grip around you even more.

"God, I miss you, too.", Nyx whispered against your skin before he pressed soft kisses on your neck. He was a dutiful man, sticking to the rules that were set and yet, when he was with you, it went all over board because you were his sin. A royal sin he allowed to himself even if he knew hell would break loose if this would become public.

You knew you brought Nyx into trouble. It could be too easy for the two of you to get caught if you weren't cautious enough and still, you couldn't stay away from him. His kisses were addictive. His eyes were drawing and you just couldn't get enough of his delicious scent, "I love you, Nyx.", you whispered softly.

Nyx froze by your words, his grip became even stronger before he raised his head to look into your eyes to search for a lie, a joke, anything but there was nothing but love for him, "Y-you... You do- what?", he whispered with disbelief before cupping your face gently with his gloved hands.

"I love you, Nyx.", you said one more time with a lovely smile and more meaningfully.

Nyx couldn't respond instead, once again, he kissed you desperately to show you how he felt.

You knew what he wanted to say. He said 'I love you, too' with his lips and that was enough. You didn't have to hear the words from him because Nyx said them in his own way. And this way was far more sweet and amazing than any words he could use. Your pulse quickened by his moves with his savoring lips.

Nyx could be with you like this forever. He always lost track of time when he was with you but then, there was still this small voice in his head that reminded him that he was on guard duty. With much force, he removed himself from your lips, "We should go back. It will get noticed when I'm gone too long."

You sighed sadly, still tasting him on your lips, "You're right, I guess. Alright, we go back. But I will find a way to spend the night with you.", you said with a wink, aiming for the door.

Nyx grabbed your wrist, "We shouldn't go together.", he warned, a concerned expression on his face.

"But we left together. I'm your alibi if someone will say something. Trust me.", you said with a reassuring smile.

Nyx cupped softly your cheek, kissing you even softer one last time, "I trust you. Always."

You leant against his touch before you opened the door to slip out of the room as the hallway was empty. Side by side, you and the Glaive walked back to the throne room so Nyx could go back to his position. You were about to turn away from Nyx as someone appeared from the shadow.

"Glaive! Why have you left your position?", the booming voice of the Captain called out.

"Sir, I was-"

"Captain, I have to apologize. It was my fault that he had to leave his position. I sensed a threat for the prince and so, I ran to the first guard I could find. He just did his job, Sir.", you said calmly with a huge, charming smile.

Captain Drautos looked at you, raising his brows, looked at Nyx who stayed quiet before the Captain looked back at you, "Well, Your Highness, that's uncommon. But was he able to help you?"

You noticed the way he asked this question. It was as if he was looking right through your lie but you just smiled and nodded, "Yes, Sir. His help was very useful. And now, please excuse me, Captain. Glaive, thanks again."

Nyx nodded politely but serious, "It was my pleasure, Your Highness."

You nodded appreciatively before you left the two men alone to go back to the bar for another drink. You turned around just to see how Drautos spoke to Nyx in an intimidating way. You just hoped the Captain had bought your lie and Nyx was out of trouble.

You got your drink the moment the Captain left Nyx alone in his position. Once again, you watched the honorable Glaive who had kissed you so passionately that your world was more colorful like never before. He wasn't looking at you but he didn't have to. You knew you were always in his mind, occupying his thoughts, his sleep, his whole being because this one, special Glaive did the same with you.

[seven-oomen]

If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going

These are the words that Marin Morrell – Druid, Emissary, Guidance Counselor – says to Stiles Stilinski in “Battlefield” (02x11) And I think they suit his character just perfectly, because Stiles has been going through Hell all his life.

The Teen Wolf Fandom don’t talk nearly enough about Stiles’ traumas, so I’ll try my best to do it myself *I won’t even remotely touch on the Void Stiles, Dark Stiles, Donovan and the Nogitsune trauma though, because it’s extremely complex and deserves its own Meta*

It’s Canon that Noah was an alcoholic (as Rafael pointed out to Stiles in 03x11 Alpha Pact), that he neglected and lashed out at his own child (Stiles’ memory in 02x09 Party Guessed), and that Stiles was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by his mentally ill mother, Claudia, throughout his childhood (there’s a whole magnificently acted, heart wrenching scene about it with flashbacks and all in 05x06 Required Reading.) It’s Canon that Stiles had to take care of himself and of his father before AND after Claudia’s death. And it’s Canon that Stiles – who was only an eight years old child at the time – was at the hospital with his mother when she died, nobody else:

[Teen Wolf Season 3 Episode 11, Alpha Pact]

CHRIS: You knew… I remember meeting you once, before you were Sheriff. You questioned me about a body. You knew something was up. You just weren’t ready to believe it.

NOAH: You’re right. There was a night eight years ago… the night my wife died. I was at the end of a shift, and a call came in. There had been a pile-up, and a young woman… she was a teenager, actually. She was trapped under an overturned car. We had to wait for the paramedics. We were never getting her out, but I was able to hold her hand. She knew she was gonna die. But I just kept telling her “No, no, listen. The paramedics are on their way.” And then I remember her hand suddenly gripped mine so tightly that I literally thought she was gonna break the bones. And she looked me in the eyes, and she said “If you wanna be with her, go now.” And I knew she was talking about my wife… But then that other part of my brain — the part that looks for clues, for fingerprints, for logical connections… that part told me that there is no way that this girl could possibly know about Claudia. And so I stayed. I stayed until the paramedics pulled her out. Until her heart stopped beating and they declared her dead.

NOAH: When I finally got to the hospital, I saw Stiles sitting in the waiting room with his head in his hands… He was with Claudia when she died.

NOAH: But I wasn’t. I wasn’t with her because I didn’t believe… I just did not believe.

It’s also Canon that Derek Hale is a rape victim and that the hunters slaughtered Derek, Cora and Peter’s entire pack/family (including humans and children.) And it’s Canon that Stiles immediately sides with the Hales and openly confronts Chris about what Kate had done to the Hales in 01x12, Code Breaker:

CHRIS: Let me ask you a question, Stiles. Have you ever seen a rabid dog?

STILES: No. I could put it on my to-do list, if you just let me go.

CHRIS: Well, I have. And the only thing I’ve ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. Do you wanna know what happened?

STILES: Not really. No offense to your storytelling skills.

CHRIS: He tried to kill me, and I was forced to put a bullet in his head. The whole while that he lay there dying, he was still trying to claw his way toward me, still trying to kill me, like it was the most important thing he could do with his last breath. Can you imagine that?

STILES: No. And it sounds like you need to be a little bit more select—

CHRIS: Did Scott try to kill you on the full moon? Did you have to lock him up?

STILES: Yeah, I did. I had to handcuff him to a radiator. Why? Would you prefer I locked him in the basement and burned the whole house down around him?

CHRIS: I hate to dispel a popular rumor, Stiles, but we never did that.

STILES: Oh, right. Derek said you guys had a code. I guess no one ever breaks it.

CHRIS: Never!

STILES: What if someone does?

CHRIS: Someone like who?

STILES: Your sister.

Unlike self-proclaimed hero and ruler of Beacon Hills Scott McCall, who immediately sides with the Argents and tells Derek Hale that his family deserved to be burnt alive by the hunters in front of his comatose uncle………..

-----

I feel like there is a lot to unpack on Stiles’s trauma. And I will go over these moments one by one, why they’re damaging, what I think the context of the scene is supposed to represent ft how people might take it. And what my personal thoughts are regarding Stiles’s trauma.

First of, I would like to say that the following words are my take on this. I am a 29 year old trans man of caucasian descend who is an domestic violence and abuse survivor. I am diagnosed with ADHD since 12 and diagnosed with CPTSD since this year. I understand trauma and I understand what it does to people. But I am not a professional. I am a fan, who’s responding to the submission of another, anonymous, fan.

You are completely free to have your own takes on this matter and your own headcanons. That’s what fandom is for.

That said, I would love to have a discussion if you can have it peacefully.

Stiles is a character who was (Unwillingly) neglected, emotionally traumatized and both emotionally and verbally abused by both of his parents. There is even evidence of physical abuse by his mother.

I think it does need to be said, that neither of his parents intended for this to happen. What happened in the Stilinski family was by and large a very traumatic event for everyone involved.

Noah is an alcoholic, as Stiles also confirms in the episode that Noah never really stopped drinking. His alcoholism is a result of his own traumas and possible ND mind and an unhealthy coping mechanism.

As a result of this, Noah most likely was verbally and emotionally abusive during his drunken tirades.

I personally think that before Claudia was diagnosed and got sick Stiles had a good childhood. His parents tried their best to be good parents for him and laid a good foundation for him. This is evidenced in the bond Stiles seems to have with his father in general. He’s not afraid of his father, he’s nervous about consequences. But he never gives off a vibe to me that truly says; I fear this man and I have to stay in line to stay alive.

Unlike Isaac and his father.

This also tells me, that unlike Elias Stilinski, Noah never lashed out physically at Stiles. He was trying to break a cycle of abuse but more than likely still fell victim to it himself when he could no longer cope with trauma and his neurodivergency and started drinking.

That doesn’t mean that he’s not guilty of abusing his own son. We know Noah can be neglectful and dismissive towards Stiles (even though he tries his best not to be) and has a tendency to low key insult Stiles from time to time. Whether or not he truly means to or not is up for debate, I personally think he doesn’t mean to do it, but Stiles is clearly heartbroken every time Noah accidentally lashes out. 

As evidenced by sentences: “I’ve never believed a word he said since he was born.” “Thank you, son I should have had.” (To Scott)

Stiles already has a deep founded fear that he’s not enough, that he killed his own mother, that he’s not believed by the people around him, and that people don’t want to take him seriously.

This is clear in every interaction he has with the people around him.

Which also brings me to what happened in 2x09. Now based on the context clues of that scene, I actually don’t believe Stiles saw a play-by-play memory. But rather, Stiles saw his greatest fear play out in a hallucination. 

Why do I believe that?

Because in the same scene, Allison has a hallucination about becoming her own worst nightmare (a huntress like Kate) and Scott sees a hallucination of Allison and Jackson making out. (Aka, losing Allison.) 

I think the scene both has fabrications and truths in it. The truth is that more than likely, Stiles saw his father getting drunk at his mother’s funeral and lashing out at people around him in his drunken stupor. (Which on one hand, one can understand if you take the pain and trauma into account, but it’s not a healthy or an okay thing to do, obviously. This is definitely where Noah fell apart.)

I also like to think one of the other adults put a stop to Noah’s behavior before he could get out of hand. But we never really see her funeral play out, so that is speculation.

The fabrication is the scene that follows. We know that Claudia was the one that actually said the words to Stiles. “You’re killing me, he’s killing me.” 

And that Noah was the voice of reason in that scene. “No, he’s not. You’re sick, let’s go back inside.” (Or something along those lines. I can’t remember the exact words.)

What I think is more than likely is that Stiles’s greatest fear is that his father actually believes he killed his mother. As that is what his mother said to him before she died.  And so that’s what he hallucinated under the influence of the wolfsbane.

Stiles’s greatest fear is losing both of his parents, no matter in what way that is. He also fears that he failed as a son, and failed to take care of his father. All of this is fueled by losing his mother and watching her die at a very young age.

And that is where Stiles’s trauma truly lies. He watched his mother die (at the age of 10) slowly while she lost her mind to a terrible illness. 

His father couldn’t handle losing his wife and not being able to help her and the previous traumas he endured in his own childhood. And Stiles had to step up to take care of him. That changes a child and leaves a mark. A mark that Stiles can’t shake.

We know Noah neglected Stiles by not being able to care for him as he should have, we know Noah tends to think Stiles has wild conspiracy theories and tends not to believe him.

Which traumatized Stiles even though Noah didn’t intend for that to happen. That doesn’t mean that Stiles’s trauma isn’t real though. It’s very real. This is also the reason why he immediately chooses Derek’s side in 1x12.

For Stiles, not being believed is a daily reality and he doesn’t want anyone else to go through that as well. Which is why he chooses Derek’s side. Because Stiles, due to his own trauma, is hard-wired to believe the victim and tends to defend them.

Now I think a lot of people take a lot of Stiles’s scenes literal because they identify with what’s happening on screen. Because Stiles isn’t being believed by the other characters, the audience tends to take his perspective at face value. Even in situations where it’s made clear that Stiles, like other characters, is hallucinating at the time.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do think it’s something to consider.

Tagging a few people who might want to add a thought or two to this.

@mostly-vo1d @artemisa97 @msmischief101

[blaxkrosethorn]

A Rose With Thorns.

Haytham Kenway x OC.

Chapter 1. (Based off of ‘A Christmas Impersonation’ by @ragingbookdragon)

Summary: during a mission with Shay Cormac, French Assassin; Obedience L’Hona meets Grandmaster Haytham Kenway, but before anything happens she has to run.

Warnings: Language, sexual humor, mentions of violence and blood.

Rating: R. (For suggestive themes, Adult like scenes, mentions of loosing ones virginity, gore, smoking, and alcoholism.)

“This…is a bad idea, Shay.” She whimpered, grip on the Irish man’s overcoat deathly tight as she contemplates pulling him back towards the Morrigan. The man simply chuckled at the shorter woman’s antics.

“Relax, lass. We’ve got this, we always do.” He says as he leads her up the stairs. “Seriously, Shay. My nerves are a mess we’re going to fucking get caught.” She exclaims, chocolate brown hues wide with anticipation. “Obbi. Take a breather.” Shay coaxes and she rolls her eyes before doing as she’s told. Once she’s moderately calm, Shay gently guides her the rest of the way up the steps, and presents an invitation to the Red Coat standing guard outside of the mansion’s doors. He smiles at them, but the smile screams ‘I hate myself and I most definitely hate you.’

“Lord and Lady Shamus Williams?” He asked skeptically. “Yes, me and my wife have been traveling, this is our first gathering in about a month.” Shay says smoothly, and the Red Coat nods before smiling at Obedience and allowing the two to glide into the mansion and easily blend in.

As soon as they were out of the Red Coat’s earshot, both breathed sighs of relief. “That was close..” Shay muttered. “I thought you had it..” Obedience glowered. “Irish bastard..” she mutters. “Is this what upper-class parties are like?” Shay mutters.

She huffed. “This place is boring compared to Callaghan’s on a Friday night.”

 Shay snorted. “Agreed. It seems the people who govern us little ones don’t know how to party.”

A servant walked passed holding a tray of Champaign. Shay grabbed two, handing one to Obedience. “For you, Lady Williams.”

She took the drink. “Thank you, Lord Williams.” Raising her glass to his, she warned, “Now remember, the whole point of tonight isn’t to get piss drunk. We’re here to—”

She narrowed her gaze as he started drinking. “You’re not even listening to me, are you?”

 Shay eyed her. “I heard, ‘get piss drunk’, and decided to follow the instructions.”

           “You’re a dipshit, Shay.” Obedience griped, taking a sip of her own. Her face scrunched up and she inconspicuously spat the champagne back into the glass. A shiver ran through her and she gagged. “Ugh.”

He chuckled. “It’s surprising that you don’t like that, considering the fact that you drink whiskey.”

She smacked her lips awkwardly, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. “Yeah, but whiskey actually tastes good.” Obedience glared into the shot. “In the wise words of your dearly departed father, this tastes like horse piss.”

At that, Shay had to fake a cough to cover up the bark of laughter. “He would be proud.” And then they lapsed back into silence as they strolled around the venue.

Eventually, they stopped by one of the giant windows, and Obedience took to scrutinizing the men at the party.

A nudge to her side, followed by a whisper caught her attention. “Lady Williams, you’re supposed to be a married woman. Are you searching for a lover?”

 Obedience rolled her eyes and looked at him. “Well, someone has to satisfy a woman’s needs and you’re not.”

Shay actually seemed offended by that one, placing a hand to his chest. “That hurt.”

 “You’ll live,” she retorted, eyes following the men until she landed on one talking to an older woman. He was handsome, strong facial features, broad shoulders, definitely fit under all those layers, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes were drop dead striking, like gunmetal. And she wanted to know them. Badly.

She tapped repeatedly on Shay’s arm. “That one, I want that one!” She whispers, and Shay directs his eye sight towards the man Obedience had taken a liking to.

“You mean the one that screams I’m a pretentious arsehole with a stick shoved up my arse, that one?” Shay inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah..” Obedience replied hazily, practically drooling at the sight of the dark haired man. Shay sighs at his best friend’s behavior. “I want to climb that man like the village tree..”

At that, Shay gagged. “Gross!”

 “Are you kidding me, Shay?” she questioned, nodding at the man who’d begun to look around. “Look at his hands. And his thighs. And his really…firm…body. That is a man who knows what a woman wants and how to give it to her.”

 “I’m really glad you’ve finally found someone to break your celibacy vow, but please, please, please, understand that I am not as interested in men as you are.”

Obedience whirled around to face him, humorous glint in her eyes as she challenged him. “From what I’ve seen in Portugal, your a damn liar.” She said, accent getting thicker with every word spoken.

Shay’s already pale white face got even paler, if even possible. “I thought we agreed not to speak of that again!?” Shay scowled, cheeks beginning to redden in embarrassment.

“No,” she begins. “You said never to speak of it again and I nodded.” Obedience says as if it were the most obvious thing. “Exactly, you agreed.” Shay growled lowly. “Shay, you should know by now that I have to give verbal words of agreement, not a small simple nod of my pretty little head.” Obedience smirks, and Shay moves to argue with her when they hear someone clear their throat. Both slap smiles onto their faces and face the person whom demanded their attention, only to find the man Obedience had been previously drooling over.

The man offered a smile. “Good evening.” He greeted.

“Good evening.” Obedience greeted back, Shay quickly following her lead.

“Haytham Kenway, pleased to meet you.” The man introduced himself, and Obedience felt like his steel gray eyes were boring into her brown ones.

“Shay-!” Obedience nudged Shay’s foot. “Shamus Williams, the pleasure is mine. This, is my wife;” Shay says, and Obedience introduces her alias. “Maya Williams, pleasure.” She says, placing her hand in Haytham’s as she expects him to shake it. She’s pleasantly surprised when he raises it to his lips, placing a chaste kiss on her knuckle. “The pleasure is mine.” Haytham says, the undertone of a flirt filling his voice, though his eyes held a pinch of suspicion.

“I’m normally good at recognizing the regulars of a party, but I don’t believe I’ve ever met you two.” Haytham says. “What is it you two do?” He asks.

Shay quickly fills in the metaphorical gap. “We work for a business man, unfortunately he became sick so he gave the invitations to me and my wife to represent him and his wife.” He says, and Haytham quickly nods.

Shay rested his hand in the small of Obedience’s back. She nearly hurled.

“My drink is empty, I’ll be back. Until I get back, why don’t you and Mr. Kenway converse?” Shay asks, smiling at Obedience. She lets out an unladylike snort, raising an eyebrow. “Your glass is full, Shamus.” Obedience says, but Shay quickly downs his glass before handing it to Obedience and sending her a mischievous wink. “Now, it’s empty.” He says and although she grins she lets out a wheeze. “I hate you.” She says, he simply grins and disappears into the crowd. Obedience shakes her head exasperatedly.

Haytham laughs, taking both glasses from Obedience. “I wasn’t—” Obedience begins but Haytham cuts her off. “You didn’t like it anyways.” He says, and she blushes in embarrassment.

“You uh-..” she clears her throat. “You saw that..?” She mutters, looking down bashfully and trying to hide behind her dark black hair.

Haytham chuckles. “Only the ones who were paying attention noticed.” He says, brushing her hair behind her ear.

“Paying attention to a married woman?” She teased, giving him a small smirk.

Haytham ignores her question with a small chuckle. “Dance with me?” He asked, holding out an arm. “Mr. Kenway, I really shouldn’t..” Obedience says, trying to keep her act up. “Your not married.” Haytham says, and Obedience feels a bullet of shock rush through her, and she hesitantly places her hand in his.

Haytham pulls Obedience into a dance, but she doesn’t get a chance to enjoy it, a few Redcoats spotting her and beginning to advance.

“That, would unfortunately be my queue to run.” Obedience says before running away from the ballroom, trying to find Shay so they could escape the building.

She checks room after room, finally finding Shay in a large room with a desk. A desk that Shay was perched on, a woman on top of him.

“Shay!” Obedience yells, startling him and the woman. “Hey! Who the hell do you think you are?!” The woman yells at Obedience. “His best friend and the one saving his life, now get lost bitch!” Obedience snarls and the woman quickly dressed before doing so.

Shay quickly dresses himself and they make their way towards the window. “I can’t jump in this damn dress!” Obedience yelps. “Then cut it off if you can’t undo the lacings, woman!” Shay says, opening the window. “I can’t reach my damn knife!” She yelps, and Shay rolls his eyes before dropping to his knees in front of her, and reaching his hand up her dress.

“Don’t you dare get any funny ideas, Cormac!” Obedience growls lowly. “Wouldn’t be the first time, lass.” Shay jokes, earning a smack to the back of his head. He’s just about to grasp the handle of her knife when the door to the room is thrown open, revealing Haytham.

“I swear to God this is not what it looks like..” Obedience swears, growling at a frozen in place Shay. “You sure?” Haytham asks amusedly. “Quite.” Obedience says. Shay gets the hint and backs away. “I almost had your knife, until stick-arse showed up.” Shay growled, approaching the window. “Here,” Haytham says, cutting the lace in the back of Obedience’s dress. The dress itself falls to her ankles, leaving her in her corset and a black and blue skirt that went to her knees.

Shay jumped and Obedience turned to Haytham. She grabbed him by the neck and tugged him down to her level, kissing him passionately. He just barely got to kiss back before she pulled away and climbed the window sill, winking at him. “Later, Haytham.”

And then, both her and Shay were gone.

[jett-dawson]

Final Thoughts on Episode 11

that episode showed a lot.

i was very happy to get more content of our girls. seeing the main six in action again was a pleasant surprise and i’m happy that they still involved amaya enough, but didn’t push her past the focus of the main girls. that is nothing against amaya, btw. people would say they hate how amaya was getting more attention than the main six. while i can see what they mean, i wasn’t necessarily mad, considering we’ve known from the beginning that amaya was going to play a significant part in the series. but i get it because i still feel like we need a lot of development from the main girls, especially from the characters Poppy & Violet. but, they still kept amaya as a prominent character in this episode while still maintaining focus on the main six. i love that.

i literally called that we would be getting a violet drama arc. i’m surprised it was so short lived, and it didn’t exactly go the way i wished. the way they went about it was.. well... interesting. i cant say i’m mad and it’s not horrible. i guess i just had this whole headcanon type theory involving Karma that would be a development arc for Violet lol. anyway. i’m just going to say this: Violet got what she deserved. now she didn’t necessarily deserve the be humiliated throughout the school, and especially having those who she looks up to the most (the A’s) run up to her and mock her. but... sometimes... if someone doesn’t understand another person’s feelings or perspective... it takes experiencing yourself to understand. it was obvious that violet did not know what she did was bad. she was too caught up in the fact that she was going viral! that’s... sad, actually, but it makes sense with her character. she’s already the self-centered diva that was advertised to us from before the series even began.

now whether or not you agree with bella being kicked out, i think it’s fair to say that the rule that she got kicked out for is dumb. it was a rule that was never even stated from the beginning. it’s a major plothole? and i feel like it was a rule they brought in specifically for the arc of bella getting kicked out. before episode 7, we knew bella was a rule breaker. they had finally released the series 2 character bios and we saw Bella was labelled as someone who is so determined that she would break a rule if she sees fit. which is what we saw happen in episode seven. technically, yes, she knew about the rule. yes, she knew that the decision she made could’ve put her in serious trouble. and she was rightfully kicked out. but if you think about the RH school itself? it’s like— majorly messed up lol. the thing that makes that rule a plot hole is that 1. how does bella not get to take a photo of a drawing she made but the girls get to take selfies and post on social media and record vlogs of their everyday lives? yeah, they have wavers they sign, but that still contrasts to the rule. plus, it’s a little unfair. it sounds a lot like a company that if you make the work at RH, then the work belongs to RH. that’s how companies work. then you go into the backstory of Amaya replacing Bella.. and well... that’s a whole other story.

anyway. regardless on whether or not you believe Bella was rightfully kicked out, you still have to think about how upsetting it is for hundreds and thousands of people to know you got expelled. they all saw her at her lowest moment, in shambles, basically losing everything she had and having to say her final goodbyes to her friends. that’s sad. and of course, Violet feels the need to record it. and like, i guess i get it. i, too, take videos and pictures of everything. i find kinship in that! but what i do not find kinship in is recording my friends during their drama & at their lowest and posting it all over social media. and i especially do not find kinship in ignoring the fact that it has upset that dear friend of mine. i don’t like that. i don’t like violet for that. but i want to like her. her character has mad potential. she has one of the strongest personalities in the series and she definitely has room to grow. that is why i wanted a development arc for her. ofc, it would’ve been short no matter what. i guess i just wished it could’ve at least extended into a second episode. but for now, i just hope the future episodes can properly display that violet has learned & grown from exploiting her friends.

now with jade & ruby, i don’t exactly agree with what they did. payback isn’t nice. it’s like fighting fire with fire... it’s not the best option. but like i said, it seems like it was the only thing that could’ve opened violet’s eyes to why it was hurting bella & upsetting the others so bad. luckily at the end, everyone realized their faults. jade and ruby felt guilty. ofc violet was upset. but luckily in the end, they made it out fine. the one thing that bothers me, though, is how they were comparing getting exploited from getting expelled from this elite school to... a video leaking around the campus of a girl vibing in her dorm? i mean. she signed her own waver. she agreed to herself getting recorded. plus she literally records everything and anything. we literally see her walking into the salon in episode 8 just recording amaya’s apology. it’s.. weird. but, i cant say i’m shocked, because we know violet as a dramatic character.

i don’t hate violet... i really don’t dnmdnd i feel bad for her and i WANT to like her. i WANTED this. i wanted to see her learn her lesson and learn how to be a better friend. i wanted a message alone the lines of stop recording everything and just live a little. i’ve seen several artists irl say that like hey, stop recording the concert and watching through your phone screen! put it down and just watch the view! it’s kind of a funky message ig but my point is, i just wanted violet to learn. but not only that, ruby & jade themselves got development. also, the parts of the other girls in this episode are another story, like the roles they planned.

violet is an interesting character. i know she cares! she just has difficulty showing it, and i understand. expressing care & emotions is hard. it’s hard to emotionally connect with your friends. and running a big social media platform is hard. it may be a bit of a drama channel (which i don’t like lol) but it is hard. i can say, though, she represents real life influencers verrryyyy well.

did i just analyze the episode & violet’s character? yes. am i ashamed? lowkey. but i’m just vibing and i hope nobody here on tumblr is going to get made fun of for sharing their enjoyment of this show.

[elysian-drops]

I always deeply appreciated how you do introspection on your characters. As the precedent ask said how you made Draco three dimensional for exemple. Even the last chapter felt like a deep dive in Remus character and personality. You also approach Tom Riddle/Voldemort extremely well which is how I would have liked his character in canon to be, more political smart, more charming, two faced instead of the monologue villain. The chapter about Remus was also very in touch with who he is.

I dislike comparing artists works but have you ever read Charred Paws and Heavy Coils by UndeadArtist ? Because I feel like many of your characters are just as multi dimensional, human and realistic as hers. It’s a very refreshing take compared to taking an usually very canonical approach and try to make it as similar to the books as possible which fall flat because it doesn’t allow room for exploration and simply trying to imitate an author usually doesn’t bring more.

Also I don’t want to make this ask any longer than it already is (!) but I loved your head canons and have you got more under your sleeve?

Hi there!

Thank you so much for the kind words and feedback 🥺💕 I really enjoy doing deep-dives into characters, especially when they are so wonderfully twisted + complex like Tom, and it's always lovely to hear you enjoy reading them as well! I completely agree with you on the canon aspect— he was rather flat as a villain, wasn't he? 😅 But, then again, I suppose Rowling was writing for a younger audience and having a multi-dimensional villain is a big 'no-no' for the genre (didn't stop us anyway from adoring him though, did it? 😂😂).

I'm also thrilled to hear you thought the last chapter was very in touch with Remus!! Truth be told, that entire POV was one I decided on a whim 😅 I always thought Remus was an interesting character but he is so contradictory with himself. I mean, the man is stuck in a constant feedback loop of self-deprecation and self-loathing and so I was worried I was going overboard with his thoughts/inner-dialogue 😅 But, nonetheless, it’s wonderful to hear you enjoyed it 💕

In terms of your rec, I haven’t read it! I try to avoid reading other fanfics while writing mainly for two reasons: one, I don’t want to accidentally confuse their material and mine, and two, I feel I can’t devote myself fully as a reader while I’m also writing. However, I’ll definitely add her to the list if she’s getting that high of praise! I’m in agreement in that I like seeing new takes on characters rather than copying-pasting them from the canon material!

In terms of head canons, oh boy, do I ever 😂 I’ll post them under the cut because there are a few lol.

Tom:

Tom was a magpie child— he collected everything and anything he found of “value”. This included things from the other children at Wool’s (sweets he’d never dare eat, stuffed animals, socks without holes, etc) but also other more mundane objects people might have left behind on the streets— the odd button or two, polished rocks and shells from their beach outings, pretty shards of glass, marbles, newspaper articles he found of note, etc. In truth, his treasure trove cupboard was a mess.

Despite hating going to church, he quickly fell in love with how Latin sounded, particularly when sung— I believe this is why he didn’t protest too much being a choir boy.

Without a doubt too, he had a brief stint with Karl Marx and got in trouble with Mrs. Cole for espousing communism and trying to recruit (*cough* threaten *cough) the other children into joining him.

For a moment, before deciding on the path of being a professor and then a Dark Lord, he considered becoming a healer— he always had a fascination with the human body and its limits. Also, I just enjoy the idea that he came to Hogwarts bright-eyed and with more or less “honourable” ambitions (ie, medicine and teaching) and then having those ambitions become perverted and twisted a little more each time the Wizarding world failed him.

He chose the Ouroboros for his crest as kind of a little nod to his situation. The Ouroboros represents the cycle of destruction and rebirth— eternity— and shows that from destruction, one can experience rebirth (much like his form was destroyed but he was rebuilt from the person responsible for it). However, there’s also an underlying meaning. When the snake consumes its own tail (aka a piece of itself), it feels a sense of wholeness/completeness— much like how reabsorbing some of the horcruxes made him appear outwardly more “whole” (human).

Harri:

Harri absolutely loves the snow. Growing up, she never really experienced it (the Dursleys never bought her proper winter clothes so she wasn’t allowed outside often) but, when she got to Hogwarts, she spent almost everyday outside in it.

I really don’t think she thought too much about what she wanted to do after Hogwarts, truth be told. Her career paths kept changing on what she wanted to do, from Quidditch to teaching to becoming an Auror, and she really only clung to the Auror idea after so many people kept suggesting/pushing it.

She used to talk to snakes all the time in her aunt’s garden without ever realizing it was abnormal— that is, until she was finally caught in the act. After being locked inside for nearly a week and earning a few welts, she was terrified to talk to them again.

Much like Tom, she was also a “magpie” child. However, the biggest difference between them is that, while Tom collected things to “have” and to feel superior with, she collected things for sentimental value. Hedwig’s feathers, the first snitch she caught, her Hogwarts letter— mostly, they were things that reminded her that the Wizarding world was real whenever she was forced to return to the Dursleys.

Her handwriting is absolutely atrocious. She often has too many thoughts at once so everything comes out as chicken scratch— mostly because she’s rushing to get them down before they disappear.

She likes to use her wand to keep her hair up— much to everyone’s (especially Snape’s and Tom’s) horror.

Miscellaneous:

Bellatrix, without a doubt in my mind, is bisexual. Something about her just screams she’ll go either way and won’t even think twice about it 😂

Narcissa was the only one in her family not to be named after a constellation. In my head canon, her mother (Druella) always felt like an outsider among the Blacks (I also imagine her being blonde rather than dark-haired) and was more than delighted when she gave birth to little fair-haired, fair-eyed Narcissa. It was often a point of conflict in Narcissa’s identity growing up where she felt she never quite fit in because of this— and it didn’t help either her mother liked to say she was more “Rosier” than “Black”. Hence is why Narcissa was so insistent on naming Draco after a constellation, despite Lucius wanting otherwise.

Narcissa’s downtime hobby is floral arranging. One of her never-could-have-been dreams in life was to own a flower shop— however, she settles for making all of the bouquet arrangements in the manor.

Draco really, really can’t hold his alcohol— he’s such an incredible lightweight and everyone teases him for it.

Both Barty and Bellatrix were personally trained by Tom— hence is why he entrusts them with top-priority missions and views them as his seconds-in-command. However, who would win between them is a good question 👀 ((low-key would love to see Barty and Bella duel it out).

[aratilightwood]

As a POC who’s had things weighing heavily on my mind recently, I think I have a valid reason for speaking out about this. I’m sorry I haven’t posted this before, but it’s taken a few days to collate my thoughts. Before I start, I’d also like to point out that I don’t speak for all POCs, because I know some of them have different beliefs and a right to feel the way they do even if their opinions contradict mine.

But here we go - there’s no denying that CC tends to make some of her POC characters mixed or whitewashed. Look at Magnus, Jem, Alastair, Cordelia, Aline and Maia for example. In most cases these characters take their father’s last names, which isn’t unusual because it’s a norm even in today’s society. But when these fathers also happen to be white and the children become thoroughly ingrained in his lineage by dressing and behaving like Westerners (British and American), this further adds to their whitewash. Just because they know how to speak their mother’s language, or are aware of her lineage, doesn’t necessarily mean this is accurate representation. In fact, it’s not enough. It concerns me as to why some of you fail to see how problematic this is.

Out of the six characters I’ve mentioned and considering TSC as a whole, only three of them got to be mains in their own books - Jem in ‘The infernal devices’ and ‘Ghosts of the shadow market,’ Magnus in ‘The eldest curses’ and ‘The bane chronicles’ and Cordelia in ‘The last hours.’ What’s alarming is the fact that with everything CC’s written so far (and TSC has a LOT of books), there’s not a single non-mixed POC who’s starred as a main. Just let that sink in.

Setting that aside, there’s a higher number of white characters compared to POCs (main or sidelined). Some of them have been poorly represented, pressed into stereotypes or neglected in terms of exploration into their backgrounds/cultures. (You can find a break down and evidence of this here, here, here and). It’s also pretty careless of CC to pick and choose what aspects of these religions/backgrounds/cultures she includes, while overlooking others that are just as important. You could argue that the number of POCs have improved over the series. But statistics remain irrelevant when issues are continuously pointed out, and comparing representation between them and white characters only leads to discovering MORE differences.

So by God, people are allowed to feel upset over it. It’s hurtful to undermine those who belong to marginalised groups and strive at looking for accurate representation by claiming, “why do you read TSC if you hate CC?” “why do you dedicate your blog to her books if all you do is criticise?” and one of the the worst I’ve seen - “this seems like performative fake woke” - which is complete bullshit because I’d say I’ve been performing all my life than. As a Pakistani woman who was born and bought up in a predominantly white country like England, I’d tell you, searching for YA books that spoke to me on a personal level while I was a teenager, was very hard. I’ve found some enjoyment in TSC, but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognise things that are wrong with the series. Most, if not all, POC readers have been aware of the inaccurate representation even though some of them have only chosen to speak about it now with encouragement.

If you’re going to attack someone who rightfully calls CC out for flaws in her work even when their blog is TSC centric - just remember that there’s a line between reprimanding and hatred. Anyone can like something while also acknowledging the good and the bad. It’s called taking a critical approach and literature, especially because it’s fictional and interpretation is subjective, is always open for it.

...

If anyone’s deeply effected by what’s been happening in the fandom over the past few days, please private message me becuase I’m happy to discuss things and also learn other people’s veiwpoints as well.

[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[xxisxxisxxis]

Deleted Scenes: Gateway Drug

This ones a lil different, but you'll like it, I'm sure:) update is being posted tomorrow night, have a good night!!

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"Never Have I Ever" -- [2019] 

"We can't even look at the questions to be prepared first?" I ask, feeling a little nervous and Monroe shakes his head. 

"What's the fun in that, mom?" He chuckles, running a hand through his blonde hair as he'd mic'd up, and I raise a brow. 

"Oh, lord." I say, soon getting the cue that the camera's rolling. 

"Hey, my name's Monroe McKagan-Sixx, and this is my mom," he motions to me. 

"Vivian Sixx," I smile. 

"And we're about to scar each other in a game of 'Never Have I Ever'." He finishes and I shake my head a little. 

"God help me." I sigh out, getting ready for the question as he sticks his hand into the bowl of paper, pulling one out. 

"Alright, never have I ever exchanged a gift from a loved one that I secretly hated." He states, and I think for a moment, before the both of us hold up a paddle that says "I HAVE NOT." 

"No," I shake my head. "If I don't like it, I just put it in my closet and let it chill there because it's still sentimental." I admit and he raises his brows. 

"I throw it away." He says and I look at him. 

"Monroe." 

"Like, okay, I don't throw it away, I put it in the garage. Because it's just gonna take up space in my room or wherever I put it up at." He clarifies.

"Okay, that's not that bad then." I shrug. "Next." 

"Never have I ever been somewhere different than where I told my parents I was." 

I hold back a smile, lifting my, "I HAVE", and Monroe puts up, "I HAVE."

"I think I know yours." I tell him. 

"Yeah, I was in football, and hated it, so I'd lie about going to practice and would go to my best friend's house and play video games the whole time and then go back to the school in time for my parents to come pick me back up, but I eventually got caught up in my lie by my stepmom and she talked to my dad and they talked to mom and so I quit football and played basketball instead, which was way more interesting." He explains and nod, and he looks at me with raised brows. "What's yours?"

"I would always say I was going to night service at church or Wednesday night service, and I'd always just hangout with Nikki the whole time." I shrug and he wrinkles his nose. 

"Fast." He mocks an old woman's voice. "Fast little girl, going to hell in a handbasket." 

I roll my eyes chuckle a little bit. 

"Mind ya business." I tell him. 

"Are you gonna tell God that when you're explaining why you weren't at church all the times you claimed you were?"

"Hush." I laugh and he joins me, grabbing for another paper as we calm down. 

"Never have I ever stolen something." 

He holds up "I HAVE NOT" while I hold mine sideways, to represent a so-so answer. 

"I don't think there's ever been a reason for me to steal because I've always had enough money from either my parents or myself to just buy what I've needed or wanted--and that's a blessing to say that, but, yeah. I've also been terrified to try to steal anything because just my luck I'd get caught." He rubs his forehead. 

"I've never stolen anything myself, but I've assisted in stealing." I tell them and Monroe looks at me pointedly. "I wou--"

"--Who'd you help steal stuff?" He asks me, amused. 

"Tommy and Nikki and Vince for booze and cigarettes." I explain. "I distracted the cashier for them and they got it and were gone." 

"Damn, Mom." He scoffs. 

"We were broke, babe. I only did it a few times." I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear as he picks up another one. 

"Never have I ever gotten out of a ticket for being famous." 

We both hold up "I HAVE." 

"No explanation needed." I add.

"Nope." 

"Never have I ever sexted." 

Both of our faces turn bright red and we just start laughing, holding up, "I HAVE." 

"Unfortunately, we both have, and unfortunately we've each had a moment where we sent a nasty text to one another instead of the intended recipient." I explain once I wipe my tears from laughing so hard. 

"She sent one in a group chat with me and my step dad, and I cried for two hours, and then…" he trails off, scrunching his eyes closed as he starts again and my stomach muscles cramp up from laughing. 

"A few weeks later he sent one to me on accident because he was texting multiple people at once and it got lost and I guess I found it." I sigh out. "And if we don't laugh, we'll cry, so let's keep it moving." 

I grab another, and read out, "Never have I ever had a near death experience," and I glance at the producers. "You guys are shady as hell." I tell them as Monroe and I both hold up, "I HAVE."

I know they probably want me to talk about getting shot or strangled, but I don't.

"Tansy." Monroe and I simultaneously say. 

"Riding in a car with Tansalyn Rose behind the wheel is like signing a death certificate." Monroe says. 

"She don't know how to drive. Everyone and their brother has tried to teach her how to drive, she just can't." I add. "Love you, Tans." 

"Never have I ever watched porn." 

We both hold up "I HAVE" and Monroe gawks at me. 

"What?!" He turns to fully face me in his chair and I raise my brows. 

"Not, like, recently, but we had--back in the day--movie theaters for it and we would--"

"Movie theaters for porn?!"

"Yes--"

"--And who's 'we'?!" 

"Me and Tansy and Tommy and Vince and Nikki and--"

"--What, I am so--mom, what?!"

"I only did it a few times." I tell him. 

"You've only done a few things a few times, I see that." He replies, sassily. 

"I don't even wanna acknowledge your answer so just…" I wave my hand and he puts his sign down, shaking his head, side eyeing me.

"You are something else, mom." He says, grabbing the next statement and I chuckle. 

"Never have I ever had a threesome." 

"Oh, Jesus help me." I pipe, " I HAVE NOT" as my answer, and I see Monroe's is "I HAVE NOT," and we both exhale in relief. 

"I'm too jealous to participate in group sexual activities because I like being monogamous and if someone was touching on my girlfriend or boyfriend I'd keep slapping their hands away or something." He says and I agree. 

"See that's my thing, too." I nod. 

"Never have I ever lied about my body count." I read next, and we both go with "I HAVE NOT."

"People think I do, but I honestly don't because I'm fertile as hell apparently and get knocked up with every man's baby I sleep with." I say casually and Monroe and snorts, rubbing his eyes. "What about you?" I ask him. 

"No." He shakes his head. "There's no reason for me to, because it's not like a crazy number, so…it's eight." He adds and I raise my brows. 

"Eight?" 

"Yeah." He nods. 

"You're doing great compared to every other man in my life and body counts so, okay." I shrug. 

"What do you think Uncle Vince's is?" He asks me next. 

"Well over a thousand--he might even be up in the Gene Simmons numbers." I inform him. 

"Damn." He says and I nod. "Question: I have a girl friend that thinks if a woman sleeps with another woman that it doesn't count, do you think it does?" 

"Wait--what?" I look confused because I am, looking at him. 

"One of my friends thinks that if a woman sleeps with another woman, that it doesn't go towards her body count." He repeats. 

"Why not?" 

"Because she said it's not, like...anything going up in there." He replies. 

"What?" I'm even more confused. 

"I--Mom, oh my God, like," he chuckles off his embarrassment before explaining further, "okay, when you have sex with a guy his part goes in your part, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, if you were to have sex with a woman, she doesn't have a part that goes in your part so it doesn't count against your sexual partner record or whatever." He tells me. "So, like, you and Nikki, and you and Dad, you have two people you've had sex with. If you and Aunt Tansy were to have sex, then you'd still only have a body count of two because she doesn't have a dick." 

"What about dildos and strap ons and everything else women--"

"--That's what I said but she said it's not like skin, like those aren't made of skin, so it doesn't count as sex." He laughs out and I feel my brain cells die. 

"Oh, hell no, see this is the problem with y'all young folks, okay, stop being pussies. Stop being pussies. Stop pussying out--if you aren't just eating another girl out or fingering another girl or vise versa, whether it's with the use of toys or just rubbing your genitals together hard enough and fast enough to damn near start a fire, you are having sex and when counting sexual partners, you better count that woman. I'd be pissed as hell if someone tried to tell me, 'oh, you don't count as a sexual partner' after we had done had sex. Then what the hell were you just blowing my back out for, Bridget?!" I give a theoretical name and Monroe covers his face with his hands, trying to process my rant. "Moral of the story: if you are a woman, and you penetrate or scissor another woman, congrats, you've had sex, and have another body to add to your counting. And tell your friend that, too. Next question." 

"Oh, my gosh, mom." Monroe still can't get a grip. 

"Boy, collect yourself, we have one more question left." I tell him, and he takes a deep breath and reaches for the last paper. 

"Never have I ever blacked out." 

I answer with "I HAVE" while he opts "I HAVE NOT." 

"Mine was accidentally, like, I didn't mean to get drunk, and it was in ninth grade, and Vince spiked some punch I was drinking or whatever and I ended up running from Tommy, naked, while he was trying to put my swimsuit back on me." I explain. 

"I thought you took your clothes off when you ate Uncle Stevie's brownies and they chased you through the hotel?"

"Your Mama likes stripping down when she's under the influence, for some reason, and I think that's why God didn't necessarily let alcohol and drugs be my poison because he knew…'That bitch can't keep her clothes on'." I say and he shakes his head, holding back laughter. 

"I have never." He starts. "I watched my dad struggle with that stuff for years, and how it hurt my mom and so I usually don't drink much anyway because I do have an addictive personality and I don't want to risk getting white girl wasted and enjoying it, and falling down the rabbit hole my dad and so many of my own friends have, so, yeah." He shrugs. 

"How was it?" The producer asks us. 

"Wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be." I admit. 

"Me neither, even though I learned some things about my mom I could've gone forever without knowing." 

"And I learned that I raised an angel-baby-sugar-pop, which I knew I did but this just reassured me." I say and he looks at me. "Even if you have done all the things we went over that are viewed as 'bad', that doesn't change a thing." I assure him. 

"Thanks, Mom." He grins, grabbing my hand.

"Now, as long as I don't have to do this with Santana--who I know will give me a heart attack--I'll be okay." I add. 

[shyantheswiftfan]

“happiness” lyrical analysis

Hello again! I’m back with another in-depth lyrical analysis. I really wanted to do happiness because I related it so much to my own past, and I had a lot of fun looking deeper into the themes of this one. This song deserves so much more love than it’s been getting. Hope you enjoy! 

As always, this is my own interpretation, so if you don’t agree, that’s okay, you don’t have to. Much love.

PS - Anything crossed out is just a section that I’ve already covered that didn’t change lyrically the second time around.

[Verse 1] Honey, when I'm above the trees I see this for what it is 

Our narrator is comparing the relationship to a forest. Saying how, when you take a step back and look at the whole thing, you can see everything. All the good and the bad, the entire picture.

But now I'm right down in it All the years I've given Is just shit we're dividing up 

But when they’re down in the thick of it, surface level, there’s such a narrow frame of view. All you can see is what’s in front of you, and everything behind you has just turned into a fight for who to blame. Picking and choosing who gets what in the end of it all. 

Showed you all of my hiding spots I was dancing when the music stopped 

They’re talking about how they let this other person in, even to see their most secret and vulnerable places, and how they were still trying to make everything good even after the fun parts were gone.

And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention I haven't met the new me yet  

The narrator never expected this time to come because they spent their time trying to give their everything to make this work, but now they’ve lost who they were. They no longer know the version of themselves that exists without their partner. 

[Chorus] There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness 

They are reassuring themselves that things will be okay again, but they aren’t forgetting all the good they had in the relationship. There isn’t a limited amount of happiness; it can exist during and after a relationship.

[Post-Chorus] Past the blood and bruise Past the curses and cries Beyond the terror in the nightfall 

They can’t focus on the fighting and the pain. The “nightfall” is the end of this relationship, and it’s scary for them to be losing it.

Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime  Leave it all behind  And there is happiness 

The narrator was committed to making this work until the end of the line. Now, all their partner is leaving with is the look of disbelief and pain that has fallen upon our narrator’s face.

[Verse 2] Tell me, when did your winning smile Begin to look like a smirk? 

To smirk is “to smile in a smug or condescending way”(Merriam-Webster definition), so the smile that the narrator once loved has now turned against them and is becoming something that they despise. It feels to them like their partner is getting satisfaction from their pain or looking down on them.

When did all our lessons start to look like weapons Pointed at my deepest hurt? 

Their partner has started using their past against them. Times when they had struggles that they had to learn from are now being used against the narrator to point out their mistakes and flaws. Their partner knows how to hurt them the worst; they know what the deepest cuts are.

I hope she'll be a beautiful fool 

This is one of the ‘ The Great Gatsby’ references that I want to point out. It’s a take on an early quote from Daisy where she is talking about her hopes for her daughter. The narrator of this song seems to be referring to the next woman their partner will be with. They are saying that they hope the next woman is ignorant to the bad things and is just happy, and they’re also saying that the next one would be a fool at all to enter a relationship with their partner.

Who takes my spot next to you No, I didn't mean that Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury You haven't met the new me yet 

They immediately regret what they said because they don’t really think the next woman would be a fool to enter a relationship. They’re just so angry and hurt that they don’t think before they speak. The narrator is probably just saying whatever they know will hurt their partner, just as their partner has turned against them at the beginning of this verse. 

[Chorus 2] There'll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me Both of these things I believe There is happiness 

They’re now reassuring their partner of the same sentiment they told themselves in the first chorus.

[Post-Chorus 2] In our history Across our great divide There is a glorious sunrise 

As they referred to the relationship as “nightfall” in the first post-chorus, they’re now referring to this separation as moving towards a new day and seeing the sun come up again. Light will return to their world, even if they can’t see it right now, feeling so far apart and alone.

Dappled with the flickers of light From the dress I wore at midnight Leave it all behind And there is happiness 

Another statement about this being the night, the darkness. The dress is a symbol of the weight the narrator is carrying right now, but there’s still light and beauty in this thing they’re letting go of. They are shedding that weight and feeling happy for what has been and what will become.

[Bridge] I can't make it go away by making you a villain I guess it's the price I pay for seven years in heaven 

The narrator knows that their partner isn’t the only bad guy in this situation. They can admit that both parties had some wrongs to play in this. They acknowledge that this hurt and this pain is just what you have to bear with after something that was with you this long. You can’t just be free of this kind of relationship; there’s a cost for freedom.

And I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night now I get fake niceties 

This is talking about what the narrator gave to their partner. They gave themselves, their body, for their partner every night. Now they feel like their partner has betrayed them, especially by pretending that everything is fine, and that this split doesn’t hurt them just as badly. That they aren’t just as angry.

No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him too 

Again, acknowledgment that there was never just one person to blame. It’s easier when one person does something bad that causes the ending, but when it’s a case of two people who have simply fallen out of love, it’s hard to know how to move on from that. You want to be angry, yet what is there to hate them for? The narrator knows they are doing exactly the same as their partner.

[Verse 3] Honey, when I'm above the trees I see it for what it is But now my eyes leak acid rain On the pillow where you used to lay your head 

The narrator is mourning this separation, and they feel like their tears are burning and soaking the pain into the pillow. The tears are washing away every last shred of their partner, while leaving a permanent impact of the narrator’s life.

After giving you the best I had Tell me what to give after that 

They feel like they don’t have anything left for the future. They’re out of love and all the good things about them that they dedicated to this relationship. The narrator is afraid they’ll never have all that back.

All you want from me now Is the green light of forgiveness 

Another ‘The Great Gatsby’ reference. In my short analysis of this song (here), one of the main themes I listed was hope. I think the green light in Gatsby represents many things, but one of the main things in my opinion is hope in the eyes of Jay Gatsby. Just as the “green light of forgiveness” is a symbol of hope for both partners in this relationship to move forward after everything is said and done.

You haven't met the new me yet And I think she'll give you that 

The narrator needs time to become their own person, but when they do, they know they’ll be just fine and can forgive their partner for the pain caused.

[Chorus 3] There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you too Both of these things can be true There is happiness 

[Post-Chorus 3 and Outro] In our history Across our great divide There is a glorious sunrise Dappled with the flickers of light From the dress I wore at midnight Leave it all behind Oh, leave it all behind Leave it all behind And there is happiness 

This song really hits home for me because it makes me think of my parents’ divorce 15 years ago. It was painful seeing them both slowly drift apart and separate. Their is finally happiness for both of them in their own ways. It may have taken a long time, but it was for the better in the end.

I appreciate you taking the time to read all of this. I’ll be doing more analyses soon, I’m sure! If you enjoyed this, don’t be afraid to show it some love. Thank you!

(coney island analysis) (evermore short song analyses: pt 1)

[ridemedaddyjames]

Split - Part IV

Split - Part III

Pairing: Kevin Wendell Crumb x reader

Warnings: angst, cursing, stockholm syndrome

Words: 2,100

“You mean you don’t wanna leave?” Hedwig questioned, completely befuddled by your response, his attention span dwindling again. “Okay, I’ll show you my room,” he shrugged, taking your hand in his as he led you through the complicated maze. When you finally found his room, it seemed to be a well organized mess. Of course, you could never find anything in here, but he had no trouble at all.

“Hedwig, this is your room!?” You exclaimed, smiling widely at how much it truly represented his mind and personality. With everything strewn about, it made it difficult to maneuver through the mess, but he managed to get to the CD player and turn up the music.

“Do you like it? Miss Patricia gets kinda angry when it’s a mess, and Dennis refuses to come in.” Hedwig said, wondering how you’d feel about all of it.

“I think it’s amazing, it really represents you,” and, just like that, you couldn’t stop yourself from grinning like a child. Hedwig always had that affect on you, to make you happy no matter what the situation may be.

“Wanna dance to some Kanye West?” He asked, grabbing you and showing you how to move as he twisted his body into different directions. You tried to mimic him, turning yourself in the same way, but, instead of dancing, you’d just ended up tripping on a pile of toys and clothes.

Hedwig laughed, bending over to help you up. Being the deviant you are, though, you decided to pull him down with you instead. He landed on the pile of clothes, rolling with laughter. “You’re the bestest friend ever,” he said, finally catching his breath as the two of you got up.

“Well, I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you,” you reminded him as you wrapped your arms around him, comfortingly. He held you close, and you could feel him playing with your hair as you giggled.

“Okay, we gotta get back before Mr. Dennis comes, or he’ll be really mad that I let you out. Etcetera,” Hedwig nodded, walking with you back to the room where you were supposed to be being held.

The two of you exchanged one last hug before he disappeared, leaving you alone with your thoughts once again. This time you imagined what it may be like to have kids. Patricia would be the aunt that would spoil them rotten. Hedwig would look at it as having a new friend and twenty-four hour playmate. Dennis would probably see it as a nuisance, and would ask that you keep it contained, and Kevin...Kevin would be the happiest he’s ever been. He would want to prove that he could do it; raise a child without all the problems he had to face growing up. That in itself seemed reason enough to do it, but it was all a fantasy made up in your head, and you realized that when Dennis opened your door and let himself inside.

“I brought you something,” Dennis fidgeted, awkwardly, as he did his best to hide whatever it was behind his back. “Close your eyes, and put out your hands.”

If he’d have said those words to Marcia or Claire they would be screaming with fear, but you could hardly contain the excitement that was coursing through your veins. When you opened your eyes, you found a book resting in your palms. ‘Frankenstein’ you read, feeling an immediate attachment to him as a person with this inanimate object. You ran your fingers over the cover. The pages looked as if it had been read a thousand times, but the binding was so perfect that it seemed to be brand new. This represented how well put together he seemed on the outside, and the story behind those walls; his beautiful disguise. Your eyes lit up at the gesture, your heart racing in your chest.

“I thought you might like something to pass the time. It’s - um - it’s my favorite. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to, though.” Dennis stated, his Boston accent thicker than usual in part to his nervousness. Tears swelled in your eyes, but you did your best to blink them away, still so awestruck that he had given you something that meant so much to him.

He was being so gentle, and, without even thinking, you leapt from your spot on the small cot to throw your arms around his neck. His hands rested against your waist, taking in the smell of your hair. Dennis was falling for you, and it absolutely terrified him, but you were just as broken as he was, and he couldn’t help but find some sort of comfort in knowing that.

“Dennis, will you dance with me?” You whispered in his ear, feeling his muscles tense at the feeling of your breath on his skin. It had been a weakness of his, and you’d known it from the start. That day he brought you here, asking Marcia to dance with him, you still burned with jealousy that it hadn’t been you in his arms. At first he was hesitant, his fingers landing stiffly against your sides, and you prayed to no one in particular that he would loosen up.

Finally, he moved with you, slowly at first, before the steps had taken on a life of their own. The two of you seeming to follow the same nonexistent rhythm as you danced to nothing at all. By the time you’d finished, you were entirely out of breath, arms around his neck, beaming widely up at him as you felt his chest against yours. You hadn’t realized how close the two of you had been, or how natural it all seemed.

Your insides fluttered, dying to say what was on your mind, but there weren’t enough words to speak how this man made you feel. Which is why you broke the nonexistent barrier, and, without warning, leaned up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his.

Dennis stood there, awkwardly, letting it happen, eyes wide in horror before slowly easing into it. You felt his hand slowly move up your back before holding you closer to him. His other placed, softly, against your cheek. Your eyes fell shut, enjoying every second. Your gut told you that this was wrong, but Gods how it felt so right. This was absolute bliss. This was love.

Suddenly, Dennis pulled away, taking a step back as he put his hands on his hips and stared at the ground. He was thinking, and you wanted to know what went on inside that beautiful mind, until he said something that cut you to your core.

“We can’t,” he realized, breaking the silence. “I shouldn’t have done this, it was a mistake. I can’t get close to you, it’ll only make things harder than they have to be.” He seemed to say it more to himself than to you. Finally, Dennis reached for the door to slam it shut, but you stopped him, taking hold of his thick, bulging, arm, and pressing yourself against him once again.

“Please, please, don’t go. I just,” you stopped, trying to find the words. “I dont want to be alone.”

The hurt in your eyes made him hesitate, and it was that split second of worry that told you he really did care. Before you could stop him, he’d rushed out of the room, leaving you in silence.

Feeling defeated, lost, and alone, you through yourself down on the cot before breaking down in tears. To your surprise, and after what felt like an eternity of sobbing, a soft voice came from the other side of the room. “Y/N, why you cryin?” Hedwig muttered, coming to sit beside you on the tiny bed. You had pulled your legs up to your chest, and, although you hesitated at first, you couldn’t stop yourself from falling into his arms. Hedwig didn’t know how to react, his body going limp compared to the stiffness of Dennis. You rested your head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Ultimately, he opted for the safe route as he ran his fingers through your hair, soothingly.

“Is this because of Mr. Dennis? Was he mean to you?” Hedwig finally asked, mustering up the courage to talk to you. “If it is, I told him we’re dating, and that he doesn’t have a chance.”

“Hedwig, I need to tell you something,” you muttered, feeling your heart break once again.

“Wait, wait! Do you like Mr. Dennis?!” Hedwig gasped, unable to comprehend what was happening as he pushed you off of him. “But - but I thought you were my girlfriend?!” He stammered, looking at you like a lost puppy.

“You’re my friend, and I care about you in a different way than I care about him.” You confessed, trying your best to clear up this whole entire situation. “I love you both, just in different ways,” saying it out loud meant finally coming to terms with it, and it only made it hurt worse. Maybe you’d been wrong; maybe Dennis didn’t care about you at all.

“He didn’t pick you! He wanted them. The other girls! You’re mine!” He shouted, bringing you back to reality as your breath caught in your throat. This nine year old had found a way to pour salt in an open wound, and you could feel it eating at you from the inside out.

A heart wrenching sob pulled from your throat, echoing off the walls as you tried to stop yourself from falling apart in front of him. Fuck this, fuck all of it. What made Claire and Marcia so perfect?

Hedwig sat there, fearing what you might do next as the truth soared through your veins like a venomous drug. Your eyes were bloodshot, your throat burned, and you felt like you could never shed another tear, but they still came. “Y/N...do you want me to talk to him? I mean, he doesn’t really listen to me, but I can if you want me to,” Hedwig offered, seeing how hard this was for you. As much as he wanted you for himself, he couldn’t help that he also wanted to make you happy.

“You would do that for me?” You whimpered, wiping the tears from your eyes. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that you didn’t deserve Hedwig as a friend, he was too kind hearted.

“Of course I would, but, I don’t know what you see in him, I think he’s creepy,” Hedwig shivered, making a disgusted face. It was enough to make you smile, leaning in for a quick hug before he took off.

Part of you hated yourself for what you were about to do, but the other half convinced you that it was okay. So, instead of shredding the book that Dennis had given you, you’d decided to read it instead. With every turn of a page you found yourself falling more in love with him as a person, and understanding why this book mattered to him so much. As your eyes grew heavy, you pulled the book against your chest, cradling it in your arms; which is exactly how you’d fallen asleep.

When you woke up, Dennis was standing over you, arms crossed, breathing heavily. It seemed as if he were contemplating how to go about this whole ordeal. Looking up at him, you were sure your eyes were bloodshot, and you realized your appearance must have been questionable.

“Speak,” he finally ordered, making you jump at how dark his voice was. This was a side of him that you’d rarely seen, and it was starting to make you nervous. It should’ve absolutely terrified you, made you cower beneath him. No, this voice did something entirely opposite. It awoke something in you that you’d never felt before; a burning hunger in your gut that was completely alien to you. You needed him like a moth needed a flame, and like an addict needed a drug. He was your drug. Dennis never made it feel like love, though. No, this was cat and mouse to him. Just another game, and, with your head in the clouds, you couldn’t help but let your mouth flow freely with how you’d been feeling from the moment you were brought here.

“I think I love you,” you muttered, giving it everything you had as you threw all caution to the wind. This was your chance to get exactly what you wanted, pain, and lies, and chaos combined. If he didn’t kill you, the adrenaline of your love for him would.