#'erm clearly I know what you meant better than you do' ok well go fuck yourself. hope you piss your pants. everyday

[francy-sketches]

Hope you’re ok btw ❤️

yea im ok dw <3 just kinda bummed out by the whole thing but whateverrr we move on twitter doesn't matter anyway ^_^

also idk if you sent me another ask or if that was a different anon but. I'm not gonna answer it bc I don't wanna create more drama (and also I'm trying to resolve it in dms rn so. don't wanna ruin that by being petty) but thanks for the support same goes for the other anons 🫶

[chudleycanonficfest]

Vino

Day 25, Post #1 by @thedistantdusk

Title: Vino Author/Artist: TheDistantDusk Pairing: Harry/Ginny Prompt: In Vino Veritas Rating: E (to be safe) for smutty references.    Trigger Warning(s) (if any): Drinking (everyone of legal age). Frank discussion of sex acts. 

They started drinking at 1 PM. 

It seemed the best way to spend the day together before the Hogsmeade day — not weekend, much to Harry’s disappointment— reached its untimely conclusion. He had to cancel the upstairs room he rented for them, too, which he’s still not chuffed about, and not just because they’d definitely have shagged.

Because with Ginny, It’s more than just physical. It’s always been more than just physical. He misses her… deeply, hollowly misses her. It’s a constant ache in the pit of his stomach, like there’s always part of him that’s somewhere else. They had to settle for a heated snog behind the Three Broomsticks before heading in to escape the cold, but that hadn’t been enough. For either of them.

Of course, on the surface he pretended to understand the sudden change of events. It’s a particularly cold February, so cold that McGonagall was close to canceling the Hogsmeade visit altogether. According to Ginny, she only settled for an early dismissal instead when the student body threatened to mutiny. So Ginny’s due back at 6 now, which truly is shit, but anything is better than not seeing her at all.

Harry blinks at his beautiful girlfriend across the table and wonders why she’s been withdrawn today. Distant. At first, he chalked this up to school stress. After all, she is quidditch captain. He knows firsthand how stressful that can be— and while he’d held the captaincy, NEWTS hadn’t even been on the horizon yet. He also hadn’t dealt with a castle full of ghosts and sadness and distorted memories. 

After the drinks started flowing, though, it became clear that school stress wasn’t the issue. Or at least not the biggest one. When she finished her first pint, she started sending him these fleeting looks of puzzlement in between updating him on the Hogwarts gossip. Her second and third pints brought even greater looks of scrutiny.  Now that she’s midway through her fourth pint, she’s full-on staring at him. For the past twenty minutes, he’s felt a bit like an animal in a zoo. Harry hasn’t known what to do about that, really. As much as he loves her, Ginny’s not known for her subtlety. Or patience. She’s always come outright with any concerns or problems, always addressed them head-on. So this constant look of confusion has been… well, confusing. Harry handled the last twenty minutes the best way he knows how: drinking more, holding her hand across the table, and waiting for her to take the lead. He offers a tiny smile and reaches for his pint. He’s content to wait as long as she needs, for whatever she needs.  As it turns out, though, he decides to take a drink at the worst possible moment. Had he been looking, he would’ve seen her cock her head and open her mouth as she reached some sort of internal breaking point. Unfortunately, he just brings his pint glass to his lips instead. So for better or worse, all he hears is the question itself.  “Why do you go down on me so much?” Harry immediately chokes on his beer. It splatters down his front, coating the table in amber specks. He apologizes through a cough and grapples with a napkin, but Ginny remains unfazed. “I… erm.” He coughs again, shaking his head. “Sorry. Wasn't expecting—” “And I’m not complaining,” she says quickly, resting her chin on her palm. “I mean, obviously.”  Oh? He relishes the blush that creeps up her neck. “Then what are—” “It’s just…” She sighs, peering down at her pint glass. “I’ve spoken to Luna about it, and as much as she—"

“You’ve… you’ve spoken to Luna about this?” he asks weakly, head spinning. “Who else—?”

  Ginny plows on as if she hasn’t heard him. “I just figured, I guess, that when we properly started shagging you’d do it less. But you erm… haven’t. So.”

  There’s a pause as the blush from before creeps over her entire face. 

  Harry takes another cautious sip of his pint as a raucous peal of laughter erupts behind him. A firm reminder that they’re very much in public. He squints at the woodgrain on the table. Why is that turning him on even more?

  “Erm… what exactly do you want to know?” he asks after a minute, surprised at how graveled his voice sounds. 

  Ginny sighs, still holding her face in her hands. “Just that, really,” she murmurs, tongue coming out to wet her lips. Fuck. He grips his glass even tighter. “I just… I want to know. Why do you do it so much?” 

  “Erm…” Harry winces. He realizes he’s been saying that a lot.

Ginny’s hand comes up to rest on his, and it’s only when she speaks again that he realizes how drunk she truly is. “Take as long as you need,” she slurs sagely, peering into his eyes. “I’ve been waiting to hear these words for a long time, Harry.” 

And he’d laugh, probably, if this entire concept didn’t terrify him a bit to explain. 

  Bloody words. 

  He twists his pint glass, watching as foam overlaps its white-capped ring. Words have never been his strong suit. How, exactly, is he meant to convert this string of images and feelings into something resembling an explanation? 

  But it’s clearly something she wants answered. Something that’s probably bothered her for longer than she wants to admit. So Harry shuts his eyes, trying to remember, trying to think. 

  He honestly hadn’t given the concept much thought until sixth year. He knew that… general activity… happened before they started dating— obviously. The twins (perhaps deliberately) left enough moving magazines around the Burrow to leave little to the imagination. So he’d seen wizards doing it. They seemed to enjoy it almost as much as the witches splayed out in front of them. Harry just hadn’t considered, really, that he’d ever do it for any reason other than paying his dues. It seemed a simple act of reciprocity. Something one did out of expectation rather than genuine interest. 

  A wry smile creeps across his lips when he thinks about that particular misconception. Because that’s the furthest from the truth, isn’t it? Their relationship flashes through his mind like a film reel. The first time his thigh slipped between her legs as they snogged on the lawn. The pride that swelled in his chest as she wrapped her thighs around it, clutching it as close to her center as she could as she rocked, rocked, rocked. 

  Fuck, how he’d cherished the trousers he wore that day, too. For over a year, they were the closest thing he had to her knickers— and even then, he stole that first pair of knickers right off her. Though perhaps “stole” was the wrong word, because that implied some degree of secrecy… and there was nothing secret about it. He just winked at her as he pulled those blue knickers down her thighs and stuffed them in his trouser pocket. Ginny stared down at him, her chest flushed and heaving. He felt like the most powerful person alive before he even started, and when he actually did… 

  Fuck.

  He returns to the present and adjusts himself beneath the table. 

  “I… erm,” he starts, clearing his throat. “I guess I’m… well, I’ve never been good at….” He makes a broad gesture. “Touch. Yeah?”

  Ginny blinks. “Touch?”

  Harry nods, biting inside his cheek. “Erm. When I kissed you in the common room in sixth year, that was the first time I really understood I could, you know, touch you. To make you happy. To…” He huffs out a sigh, his thoughts growing more sluggish. He sifts through them for a few seconds before reaching the answer he’s searched for all along. 

  “I erm. I figured out pretty quickly that I could use touch to turn you on,” he admits to the woodgrain. “And erm… for someone who wasn’t used to touching, that was pretty… nice. To learn I had that power.” 

  His whole face feels red-hot, like it might combust at any second, but he takes her silence as a cue to continue. 

  “Anyway. As soon as we started snogging, I really wanted to do it, but obviously we didn’t get the chance at school. So instead I thought about it. Wanked about it. For months.” He lets out a slow breath through his nose and focuses on a wood beam above their heads. 

  Has he ever admitted to a specific wanking fantasy before? He doesn’t think so. 

  “Continue.” Ginny’s voice warbles through his thoughts. 

  He swallows and tilts his head down to face her again, pleased to see that confusion has evaporated from her face entirely. Now she’s looking… uncomfortable… for entirely different reasons. 

  Harry smirks; he’s liking this whole opening-up thing more than he thought. But what else to tell her… hmm.

  “Well, we both know I wasn’t great at first, of course,” he says, shrugging. “But you were erm. A good teacher.” He bites his lip again and remembers those early, awkward days when she still needed to shift against his face, to direct him where he needed to go.

Even back then, she lost all sense of decorum pretty fast; that was always his favorite part, really… when she started in with the deep moans, commanding him to add more fingers, to keep them in place, to crook them against her. There was no sense of accomplishment greater than the way she gripped his ears, his hair, his shoulders, her thighs clenching around his entire face as she choked out his name. Being surrounded by her— pressing his tongue against the final pulses of her clit as she rhythmically clenched against his fingers— made him feel more complete than anything else. It left her dazed and gasping; it left him feeling not only useful, but powerful. Necessary. 

  The whole ordeal's made him come in his trousers, actually. More than once. And speaking of trousers…

  Harry clears his throat. “You could’ve asked a while ago, you know,” he says as casually as he can with a raging hard-on. “Back when I took your knickers, even. I want you to tell me if you have a question about anything. Ok?” He swallows, finally blinking up at her.

  Shit. 

  If she looked distracted before, it’s nothing compared to now. She’s just peering at him with lips parted, chest heaving, eyes unfocused. One hand is balled into a fist on the table top, the other gripping on her thigh.

  Ginny eventually rips her eyes away with an annoyed whimper. “Fucking fuck,” she mutters, rubbing her temples. “I’m so fucking turned on.” 

  Harry laughs and finishes his pint, his chest bubbling with pride. “I guess that’s a yes.” 

[princesstillyenna]

I feel like certain members of your hockey GC fics would really appreciate the Gretzky Twink subsection of tumblr

Nonnie nonnie nonnie WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. So, I was going to answer this question with "well actually, the reason EJ is always collecting twinks, is actually for his fiance Paul..." and then erm... a fic fell out...

EJ walks through the door. He knows Paul is home because Paul’s yard boots are by the door, and the dogs didn’t immediately run to greet him, which means they’re both currently on top of Paul on the couch.

“Hi honey,” he calls out, “I’m home, and I brought strays.”

“Rude.” Nate glares at him. “Tys and I are not strays.”

EJ sticks his tongue out through the gap in his teeth. “You follow me home in hopes that you’ll get loved and fed, you’re strays.”

He wonders through to the living room where Paul is, predictably, lying across the couch, both dogs on his lap, face buried in his phone. “Hi,” EJ leans down to press a soft kiss to Paul’s cheek. Ok so he was aiming for his mouth but Paul’s clearly distracted by something.

“Erik,” Paul whines, “Why didn’t you tell me Gretzky is a babe?”

EJ blinks once. Twice. He straightens up and looks over his shoulder at Nate and Tyson, frowning as if to say ‘did you hear that?’.

Nate’s face looks just as horrified as EJ feels. Tyson’s shaking his head and backing slowly out of the room.

“Sorry babe?” EJ stares down at Paul, “But what the fuck?”

“Gretzky,” Paul looks up at him like he’s a fucking idiot, “The one who’s good at hockey and not Sid, he’s fucking cute!”

EJ can’t do anything, he’s opening and shutting his mouth like a fucking fish. He turns to look over his shoulder where Tyson has collapsed on the floor with silent laughter.

“OK first of all,” Nate steps in to save them all, “There are plenty of people who aren’t Sid who are still good at hockey. Like yes, Gretzky’s the best player of all time, and Sid’s the best since him, but you can’t go saying the rest of us aren’t good.”

Paul shrugs. “You knew what I meant.” He waves his hand around, nearly braining EJ with his phone.

“Secondly,” Nate continues, “Why the fuck have you been looking at pictures of Gretz, and more importantly, why the fuck do you think he’s CUTE!”

“He popped up on my tumblr dash.” Paul finally decides to sit up and shift the dogs off the couch so the rest of them can sit, although Nate’s already headed for his usual chair. “And how would I not think he’s cute?” Paul continues, “He’s small and blonde and twinky as all fuck, he looks like I could snap him in half if I wanted to.”

Tyson snorts, it’s the first actual sound that he’s made. He’s still silently shaking with laughter as he drags himself to his feet and throws himself down into Nate’s lap.

EJ silently wonders why they bother having seating for more than two people, when his friends are such cuddly bastards anyway. He sits himself down next to Paul, “Show me,” he demands, holding out his hand for the phone.

Paul hands his phone over easily, and there, on the screen is the most cursed picture EJ has ever laid eyes on. It’s Gretzky, obviously, young Gretzky, sat on the ice in the tiniest pair of shorts EJ has ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on, sports socks, sneakers, and not a lot else. He sighs. “It’s vintage Gretz,” he confirms for the other two, although they’d probably worked it out around the same time EJ had himself, when Paul mentioned the word “blonde”. He turns to his boyfriend, “You realise these are pretty old, yeah?”

Paul shrugs, “They didn’t look exactly modern.”

“And he doesn’t look like this now.”

Paul shrugs again, “I didn’t bother looking him up,” he laughs, “He just came across my dash and I remembered you guys saying his name.”

“Show him Gretzky now.” Nate laughs.

“No!” Tyson giggles, “If he likes vintage hockey twinks, show him some vintage Yeezy.”

Even from across the room EJ can see Nate’s jaw tighten. He’s 90% certain Tyson only refers to Yzerman as Yeezy because he knows how much it winds Nate up.

“That’s not his name.” Nate grits out.

EJ laughs, and searches for some pictures of Yzerman that he knows rivals the twink era Gretzky, before handing Paul his phone back.

“Fuck,” Paul’s eyes widen, “Who is this guy?”

“Yzerman,” EJ tells him, “GM of the redwings now, used to be their Captain back in the day.” He pauses before adding, “He’s aged a little better than Gretz has if we’re honest.”

“GM.” Paul frowns for a moment. “Joe’s job right?”

EJ shakes his head with amusement, “One day,” he presses a kiss to Paul’s temple, “You’re actually gonna understand my job.”

Paul stares down at his phone, “Babe, if more of the players on your team looked like this, I’d be a lot more interested.”

“Hey!” EJ elbows him, “We’ve got Sammy for you.”

“And baby Tys,” Tyson chimes in, always quick to defend his rookie.

“You said I’m not allowed to seduce baby Tys.” Paul points accusingly at Tyson, “But I won’t argue that I’m a lot more likely to watch a game if Sammy’s in it.”

“Rude.” EJ presses a kiss to his cheek.

“It’s ok baby,” Paul leans his head against EJ’s shoulder, “You’re still my favourite.”

[calypsoff]

Eighty Six. Part 2

I can’t help but smile, like I really can’t help it but my wife looks so damn good “where is the toilet here?” I asked, everyone just decided to side eye me for no reason “nigga” Mel said laughing “erm, I am asking to use the toilet and I get this?” I am being so innocent right now and these are doing the most, I am only going to use the toilet “nigga” she said again “I mean you can go but nigga” they are acting like I would go there and harass Robyn, she is not in that mindset, she will actually tell me fuck off so I will stay away but I do need the toilet “I was going to say something but Rorrey is here, but proceed” now I think I know what she was going to say but I wish that happened, imagine if we had spontaneous sex, amazing. I fell back onto the couch “why is your couch so far down” I hate that I am being watched too “Rylee, help me up. Please baby” Tina came over to me “I will help you; even though I am skinny, and Jen should do it” everyone gasped in the room “I didn’t say anything” I pointed out “I am going to snap her like a twig soon” Jen said, holding onto Tina’ hands “go!” She spat and yanked me up off the couch “I think I will sit on the chairs for now, the couch is too low down, thank you” grabbing my crutches as I turned around slowly “so the toilet?” I asked Mel again, she didn’t exactly finish that off “down the hall on the right” and then she sniggered “what I meant is opposite that room on the right” she isn’t shit at all “are you tricking me now” Mel shrugged with the biggest smirk on her face “if you hear a thud, that means Robyn has thrown me down so it will be man down” they are crazy thinking I would just go to her room like this, I am not fully functional where I can just grab her because she will just throw me down and also I am very hungry. I didn’t really eat after all that with my dad, with him being so angry with me. I wasn’t in the mood for it and he isn’t wrong really, my dad is a wise man and I haven’t done the chasing because I expected her to just come home and I can work on it.

I did need the toilet, that really wasn’t a lie there at all, but I mean she has the door a little open. I don’t like this whole going out more and wearing less, she is just so confident in it all and it makes me feel like shit because then it’s me bringing her down “it’s rude to just look into someone’s room” Robyn knew it, she knew I was looking “before you ask how I know, I can feel your eyes all on me” she turned her head and looked at me with a slight smirk, she is so damn sexy “I was going back actually” I lied “oh were you, well go then” blowing out air, I mean I am here anyways so I might as well push it, see what her room is like. Using my crutch to push open the door “yes” she turned to me, she slowly walked over and I am sorry but the whole aura she is giving out is going straight to my dick, I want her. Licking my top lip “you need to shave, and get your nails done too. Don’t let yourself go” she rested against the door “I have nothing to look good for” Robyn gave me the most disapproving look “you expect me to feel sorry for you Chris, but I don’t, not going to lie. Just because I see you sad, and like this doesn’t mean that I would come running back” rolling my eyes “that is childish, how am I supposed to make it up to you or even see my daughter grow if you are hiding here?” Robyn is just, she is just a different person, she is laughing, I feel like at me actually “clearly not hiding because you’re here, Chris I said what I said to you. I told you I would be the one laughing and you will be crying, you wanted Rihanna. Here she is, and I kind of like it like this. Anyways I am going to sit down. You’re more then welcome to follow along” this is useless.

Every time Robyn and I are in the room it’s all silence and I don’t know if that is on purpose or that I made it awkward but I don’t like it either way, I feel like this is being annoying, like Robyn is sat there but Mel moved and now there is no space but just where Robyn is sat with her legs out “sit down” Jen gestured “I don’t bite now” Robyn giggled “where is Rorrey?” He’s not here now, he’s left me “oh your husband, he’s gone to pick up his Uber order” letting out an oh “my husband?” I just realised she said that now, Robyn is a troll “clearly you want to be with my brother, you like a little male action” she’s annoying “I’ll stand thanks” Robyn smirked and looked away “nothing better than a husband and wife going through issues” Jah mumbled “it’s like watching your parents argue, but honestly sit. You look in pain” I rather stand then sit with Robyn “Chile, I will sit with her and you can sit here” nodding my head “nigga is so childish, I can’t even deal” Robyn mumbled “Chris, hey. I bought you some food, come and eat” my head shot up, he really did that “really?” I said in shock, he really got me food “well you didn’t eat, so come” he’s such a good man “thank you so much” I can go and eat at the table then “I got you seafood, I don’t know what you dislike but don’t eat it or whatever. I was sat there, and I was like oh shit, yeah. He ain’t ate, you are doing all this and it’s tiring, much caring nature” I cooed out “nah, I really appreciate it. Thank you” it’s so sweet of him to do this for me.

Wiping my mouth with the napkin “I want to say thank you” Rorrey waved me off “it’s all good, having fun with my sister? She’s showing out” he laughed, I sighed out “bro, she is literally blowing me off, not even in that way. She is really just playing hard” he rubbed his chin “she’s showing out Chris, you haven’t tried. Have you really? You’re more annoyed that she is like this, she is doing it ok purpose and you got to understand this. You have to court her, be forceful with it, your mindset is a little deflated, she’s going to play games around that, so you need to really push for playing at her game, court her. Be the man she loves. Women all do this, play hard to get” he has a point “makes life hard because I am not me a hundred percent. So yeah” I will take on his advice with that, Robyn and I caught eyes. And she gave me the biggest smirk, she is feeling herself, Rihanna is a different breed, like she is right I don’t know Rihanna. She ain’t the one I fell for or really met, and I don’t know maybe that is my fault, I didn’t get to know that side. Robyn is the one I fell for, and I miss that, I pushed it really, now look at me. I put my head down instead, I shouldn’t have but I did.

I would like to ask her why she is being this way, being so cold with me in a way but how can I, I asked for it. I said those words to her and now she is being what I said she isn’t anymore; I’ve just fucked up now. Clasping my hands together just thinking, I swear if my leg wasn’t this way I would be on this so fast, but I just feel like shit. I think I maybe need to do it through my daughter, I don’t know “hey” looking up, Robyn clicking her fingers in my face “you zoned out on me there, I was asking if you were busy?” Staring at her in annoyance, I need to stop that “am I joke to you?” I maybe should rain it in, but I can’t stop now “are you?” She retorted “I asked you?” I said back “if you feel you are a joke that is down to you, I am going out tonight so look after Rylee for me” she walked off “I am speaking to you still!?” I spat, she continued to go “I want to talk to you” I said “then catch me” she swayed off, she really is something else. I can’t believe that she is like this now, but this is a whole new persona “who is that woman?” I said pointing “badgalriri” Jahleel laughed, I don’t like her. Rorrey is laughing “go” he said, I don’t even want to go because I feel like I am speaking out of terms or doing something wrong, but I need to do it and she needs to respect me too, what is even this. I am going crazy; I hate feeling this way.

“Close the door behind you” Robyn said, pushing the door shut “why?” I said just stood watching her, the room is cute and small but she has made it very much her room now “because you will end up shouting, I don’t need you embarrassing me like you do, seeing as you don’t know what respect is” my face softened as my eyes fell on the photo frame, that is from the photoshoot with Rylee “I just get annoyed, at a lot of shit” I said still looking at the picture, she actually has the picture of me up, like she does still love. She really does, she loves me “you do that a lot Chris, what is it anyways?” looking over at Robyn just staring at me “I want you back home, I miss you so much. I know I fucked up and trust me, I fucked up big time. But I just want you back, I want to make it up to you” she is not feeling it, I can tell “by just not bothering for a week, why was I calling you for Rylee? Why was I chasing you, you fucked up. Why am I having to do it Chris, tell me this? I do nothing but respect you, think of you and do for you because you’re my husband, I am so fucking hurt by you. You have hurt me more then when I was with Rakim, because the difference with you and him is that I love you, I thought you knew and understood me and that you’re the one, you know? See with him I can move on; I can forgive but you! I can’t, I can’t because the feelings with you is different, but I have had enough and this emotional usage of love that you have is gone, you shame me. I mean you don’t even know my new team, but you talk disrespectful, you talk to me like that, and I play it off, play it off like it’s nothing but it is something, it’s wrong. I always said this, oh my god. When we were dating I said Chris, your mouth will be the thing to destroy us, it has, and it is pretty much. I am still shocked at what you said and how you have done shit and made it even worse because you are too stubborn, you are too fucking stubborn and you can’t fucking tell me otherwise, me! I am the one thinking of you, I am the one telling my family to help you! Me nigga, and you want to talk about me coming to you, for what! You have given me nothing to go for, you know what. I may have came here, I may have left the family home for us, but you left us, you left us alone. You got what you wanted, you wanted that, and you wanted freedom and you come to me asking me to come home? You’re fine without me, mhmm. Yeah, ok. Now what Chris, anger?” putting my head down, what the fuck does she want me to say.

Maybe Robyn is right, but she has fault in this too “you say I am the bad guy, but you are the same woman texting your ex-boyfriend, you speak on men to me like I am shit. I don’t want to hear that men fancy you; I know that. I am not stupid but you also trifling too, you are texting Rocky, the same nigga I punched for you because he disrespected you. You do speak down to me, you may not think you do but you do, I feel like you do that to me” crossing my arms across my chest “ok fine, I will take that. I will accept that I should have told you about Rocky, that I should have mentioned that he is around here and there, that he text me that he is happy for me. I should have told you, sorry. Next? So shall we now go how you fucked up even more than anything, it’s not even anything anymore. It’s your attitude, you know what you really upset me I felt like shit, we were supposed to be opening presents together, you didn’t even think with your stupid ass that let me give my daughter some presents she can open with her mother; did you even get her anything? You didn’t because I know you, so what she is a baby. I will remember, you know what I ain’t even going to give you the air you want because you don’t deserve it until you can prove to me that you care. Show me you want me Chris, I have niggas wanting to be Rylee step daddy. They don’t see it for you, but I don’t care. What is your excuse, because I didn’t come home? Is that what it is, I am really losing the will with you Chris, I really am” she laughed “you wanted Rihanna, she is here Chris. Maybe I am the stupid one, I let you be this way. You change or forget this Chris” her voice broke ���I am fed up, very. A week, on top of the other weeks! A joke” putting my head down, flicking the tear that fell.

I mean what can I say to that “you can go when you’re ready” Robyn turned around, unfazed by everything. She just wanted to say that to me, and I came into this room so I am to blame that I did, I need to just go and think about everything “don’t have a tantrum now, don’t do something stupid to make me come to you. You go back with Rorrey, don’t be stupid” opening the bedroom door and shuffling out of the room, everyone is talking amongst each other in the living room. Seeing Rorrey with Rylee in his arms, he is swaying from side to side with her in his arms “oh we going?” nodding my head “yeah I will be outside” he nodded his head, I just want to go “nice seeing you all” making my way out “I will take her” hearing Robyn say behind me “cool, nice seeing you all anyways” Rorrey said “yeah, just watch him” I am not a baby, I don’t need to be taken care of. I just need some space away from everyone, I deserve that anyways, but Rorrey is really no problem to me, he gives me space “sure, I will. You want me to bring the clothes?” he asked “his, yes. Just drop them off” I am struggling to open the damn door, I feel like banging my head on the wall, the worst part of it all is that I don’t know where to start from, I fucked up.

[eerythingisshaka]

Check Up 2

[Doctor!Erik “Killmonger” Stevens x Reader]

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Teledoc

You let a whole week pass.  Thinking about your ‘prescription’ is all you can do with your free time.  You kept that sheet of paper in your purse and took it out during your lunch break, at happy hour, and every night you sat on the couch alone at night.  And when you went to bed, you gave up on underwear because apparently wet dreams affect women too and you could not get him out of them.

You couldn’t talk to your friends about what happened.  As far as they knew, you chickened out before the appointment.  You really wish you did tell them though because now this prescription is burning a hole in your hand and you can’t figure out what to do with it.  

One night, you decide hanging with your girls is a good distraction and call them up to come over for a get together.  Sipping and snacking with a movie that none of you pay attention to was a great distraction.

“But chile, let me tell y’all about the last time I went to the doctor,”  your high school friend exclaims, setting down her glass.

Your college friend coughs into her chest.  “I told you that bump on your puss was nothing but an ingrown...but if I was wrong, I also told you to stop messing with the dude you met selling phones outside the grocery.”

She waves her off.  “I’ll never have to pay a phone bill again though.  However, you were right about the ingrown but I mean the pussy clinic.”

You perk up, leaning with intrigue.  “Yeah, how did that go?”

“Well, I made my appointment and everything, even requested him specifically to see me.  So after I got my wax and went over there, I got seen and put in a room for examination.  He comes in and BITCH!”

You feel your heart lurch in your throat.  Of course he sees other women with this.  But one of your friends?  Is there anything more disgusting?

She continues, “...so I’m sitting there like a deer in headlights looking at this brown, tall, muscular, educated with an attitude ass that I could never let slip from my grip if he needed it.”

Your college friend hoots and hollers.  “Baby GIRL!  So how did he do?  Did y’all fuck?  Oh my God that’s one of my favorite porn genres:  Doctors and Bosses fucking you all over the office!”  

High school friend shrugs, taking her glass up woefully.  “He is unfortunately long winded and VERY clinical in his explanations of the damn vagina.  I never thought I could be so bored of it, I almost wanted to sit on his face just to shut him the fuck up, which I did offer.”

“To sit on his face?!”  you exclaim loudly, checking yourself internally for your outburst but she doesn’t notice.

“I offered for him to see it.  I thought a gynecological exam came with it, which it does but he steps out and some white woman comes in and does the same bullshit I always get at my regular doctor.”

“Damn, so the streets were telling lies?”  College friend whispers, looking incredulous into the distance as her hopes crumbled in her mind.

“Unfortunately, I think so.  So (y/n) don’t even worry about missing that appointment, it’s literally a lecture with a pap smear at the end, which is worse than any lecture I sat through in college.  At least my TA was down for a make out every exam time.”

You chuckle absentmindedly, but not because of her academic indiscretions.  You had to know why he gave you the treatment differently.  And you have left him on a limb for over a week now when there is no greater sign than this that he may have clearly expressed interest.  You couldn’t be left stuck on stupid.

“Hey y’all, I’ll be right back.  My mama wants me to call her about some movie actors she wants me to look up.  She never gon learn Google.”

Your friends go right back to chatting with each other as you walk back to your room and shut the door.  It’s 6:30, would he even be available to talk?  You have no idea if this is a personal number or his work number, but if you had to leave a message, that would be better than nothing.  You are a patient, after all.

You sneak back to your bedroom, closing the door and laying out the prescription paper on your desk to make the call.  Your heartbeat was pounding strong in your chest as you became excited.  The back and forth pull of hoping he wouldn’t pick up while hoping to he would makes you feel foolishly juvenile, but your muted shriek as the phone rang confirmed how exhilarating this all is for you.

It rings once, twice, three times, then four.  You start to wonder if you should hang up or wait to leave a voicemail.  What would you even say?   How could he respond to-”

“Good evening, Dr. Erik Stevens speaking.”

Your heart couldn’t take the pressure, leaving your body it seems as you freeze in shock.

“Hello?  Is this (Y/N)?”

You plop back on the bed, beating a pillow beside you to work out you sudden burst of energy.  How the hell did he know it was you?

“Uh, yes.  It’s me, thanks for calling,” you reply professionally.

“...you called me,” he says with a warm laugh on his end.

You smack your forehead, “Oh yeah!  I did, you’re correct.  I meant to say thanks for answering.”

“What’s up?”  he asks coolly.

You puff out your cheeks, finding the words as smoothly as possible.  “Um, I had wanted you to fill me, erm, fill YOU in on my progress but really there isn’t much to go on.”

“Really?”  he says, sounding genuinely curious.  “What’s been happening?”

You shrug as if he can see it.  “I mean, who knows but I know I have been busy so I can’t dedicate a ton of time but also, when I have tried...you know…”

“Masturbation?”

You felt your pussy jump 3 feet that time.  The word sounds so 1970s PSA after school special to you but when he says it, it’s like your favorite thing on the menu being a happy hour item when you didn’t expect it.

“Heh, yes.  So when I tried like you did, I couldn’t feel the things I did in your office,”  you feel so meek and shy talking about this.  He is a doctor, it’s his job and he has seen it all but you shrink within yourself discussing this.

He gives a couple uh huhs and pauses before asking, “How did I make you feel during your visit?”

Your body tenses up again as you stammer some, getting worked up.

“Now be easy, that is the start of the issues right there.  Calm down and relax.  Take some deep breaths.”

His voice is like coffee: rich, energizing, needed to get from one activity to the next.  You do so clutching a pillow tightly in front of you.  “Ok.  when I was there honestly I was nervous.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but friends said I should see you just cuz you’re so fine.”

“Hm, I guess that’s a recommendation I won’t complain about.”

You both laugh together.

“It’s crazy but I wanted to see what the fuss was.  I should’ve known better, why would I go do this after so many women before me,”  you make sure to add that to get a gauge of his status of wooing anyone else like you.

“I don’t take on every patient that comes in, so you know,”  Erik says assuredly.

“I know…” you say trailing off with slight disappointment.

“Also...I gave you extra...care because it seemed to work best for you.  I have not done that with any other patients because they seem honestly more into the information I provide or ask for a female doctor or are very enthusiastic about examining themselves.”

You tried to find the right words to say just so that it doesn’t come off as too thirsty but real.  He wanted to know that he took care of you after all.  

“Well, I appreciate you being in tune with your patients like that.  I didn’t necessarily expect what happened but it felt good all the same.  I mean I really had some issues with seeing the good of my…”

“Vagina, though you probably mean vulva,” he says matter-of-factly.

You felt embarrassed again.  How you, a woman, couldn’t say it but from him it’s like reading a feminist poem.  “Vagina/vulva, exactly.  I always hear about so many standards guys have and that influences women to pass on even more standards on what it should look like, smell like, feel like, but none of it matches me to a T.  So you informed me and that made me not feel weird about opening myself up to you after knowing you for 5 minutes.  Plus, it’s your job of course, so I know I ‘m not the first.”

“You weren’t just a part of the job though.”

“Come again?  What?”  you ask, sitting up straight.

“I can’t lie when you were here, I was highly attracted to you.  You engaged me in conversation, which showed me how smart you are.  And you’re...beautiful, in every possible way.”

You practically eat your pillow at the revelation.  “I...that is...amazing you would say that.”

Erik chuckles.  “I mean that too.  And I apologize in advance if it’s forward but I hoped you would call when I gave you the prescription, I almost didn’t think it would happen.”

You fan yourself excitedly, “Can’t seem too eager.  But I could use a refresher on what I was taught.”

“Exactly what this hotline is for!  So let me think here.  You’re in a comfortable space, right?  Alone.”

This reminds you that your friends are in the other room.  “Sure, yeah.”

Erik’s voice drops a little lower as he discusses the topic at hand.  “Ok.  The best way I find that works for you is if I were to spread your legs wide.  It gives me a lot of space to work with.”

You feel yourself warm up at the image.  “Sure, that definitely works.”

“Yeah, cuz I can have you completely open in front of me, so there’s nothing and nowhere to hide.  Your body is served up right and ready for me to...demonstrate.  By now, I could tell already that you’re aroused.  Do you want to do this, while you’re on the phone with me?”

You run lightly over to your bedroom door to lock it, kicking off your shorts and underwear to fly back onto the bed.  “Ok, sure.  And you really could tell already?”

“Uh huh.  Cuz you can’t look straight at me at first and you holding on to the sides of the table to brace yourself.  But I promise I won’t do anything that would hurt, ok?  Then I take my hands and run them along your inner thighs.”

“Oh wow,” you say already breathless, as your fingers feel the softness of your inner thigh, tightening your stomach up from the sensation.

“Does that kinda tickle you?”  he asks gently.

You giggle.  “Yeah it does,”  you say, running one hand down your inner thigh back and forth light as a feather.

“That’s good.  It helps with anticipation, excitement.  Your laugh is cute too, and that makes me want to hear you do other things too, so I kiss the skin on your thigh cuz it’s soft and-”

You gask, jerking your legs together again and smile with all teeth, trying to hold in the goofy laugh that almost spurted from your mouth.  

Erik laughs.  “...and I make you gasp and laugh just like that.  Like I did something so innocent and childish when I’m only getting ready to bring the freak outta you with just my tongue.”

You exhale, feeling yourself become anxious as your body gets antsy.  You wish with all your heart he was in the room.

“Now I can see for real you wanting me.  That pussy starts to talk back to me a little and it makes me curious.  You remember how my fingers felt pulling your lips apart for the first time?”

“God, yes,” you moan, reliving the very moment.  You feel your lips, vulnerably tender to your touch, you take your fingers down between them and shudder, looking down as you part them, you catch a glimpse yourself in the full length mirror on your closet door.  

“And when I do that, it tells me everything.  I can tell your body is getting your shit ready for me, making your skin more sensitive for my touch, those walls getting warm and wet to make you want more and more, and I want to taste it.  The sweet drip that pools from within you, I gotta have it.  But only a taste.”

“You can taste it all,”  you whisper, reaching for your clit.

Erik laughs.  “Ok, thank you.  But don’t you dare touch that fucking clit yet.”

You sit up, putting your knees together feeling frustrated.  “What?  Why?”

“So before I get my taste, I have to taste with my eyes right?  Now I got to taste it with my touch.  So, let me place my hand on top of you, running my fingers through some curls of yours til I get to your lips, dragging my thumb up and down so you good and coated with all that drip.  Go ahead and do that for me.”

“Wow, yeah,” you hiss, turning over on your stomach, spreading your knees wide with a high arch, imagining him seeing you fully vested.

Erik sounds very close to the phone as he says, “I really really like the way your lips look under my fingers, it’s like they dance with my rhythm and it’s hard to stop.  But I had to know what your pussy was talking to me about from earlier, so I put my finger inside you, slowly, pushing in.  That’s when I feel you tighten up a little.”

You slide two fingers in and out of yourself as you bite the pillow.  “More.”

“More?  That’s what I thought too, since you tighten up for one finger, I easily put another in, feeling your walls put their work out on me.”

You dig your forehead into the mattress, not able to wait any longer, you move your soaked finger up to your clit, shuddering against your touch.

“I know, especially, when I work your clit with my fingers in you at the same time.  It’s like you forget to breathe, going quiet then gasping sharper, faster..”

You feel your arousal at its peak, breathing into your chest as your back curls up, pushing your hand deep into your sheets.  You sit into your hand further, not wanting to let go of your climax too soon.

“Ohh, shit, I think you found your nut, didn’t you?”

“Yes, yes!  Fuucck Erik,”  you repeat over and over with the rhythm of your hips as your orgasm grows, messing up your sheets and giving not a fuck about it.

“I did, but you know what I need now?  I got my eyeful, and my touch, but now I really really need to taste you,”  Erik says with a growl.

“Taste it,” you plead.

“I take my fingers out of you and they are soaked with you cuz you wanna give me your all.  I want you to look at me as I lick my hand clean of you.”

“I see it.  Taste some more.”

“Your hips are moving at me, getting closer like you need more.”

“I do!”  You say louder feeling a concentrated force work from your center toward the outer edges of our body.

“I love to see you need it.  You ain’t playing with me laughing and smiling, you’re begging and angst ridden.  Now I have to make you feel me, it’s what I have to do.  Just when my tongue touches down on your lips, your legs jerk around me, but I know that’s only a reflex so I dig my tongue into your deeper, whipping it up to your clit before wrapping my lips around it.  

“Shit!  Fuck!” you whisper feeling your clit get over stimulated, aftershocks leaving you jerky..

“Just like that, baby girl.  You hooked right into me.  Feeling your hands dig into me skin while you cum had me solid.  It took everything for me to not turn you over and show you the real shit.  Now I want you to come.”

You push yourself up slowly, your head feeling hazy.  You hadn’t came that hard since the last time, and you just had to get the full experience.

You roll over, feeling lifted.  “I have.”

“Nah, I need you to meet me.”  Erik demands. You spring up from your bed.  “Where?  When?  Like, huh?”

“Just come to my office.  We closed 30 minutes ago.  I’ll wait for you.”

You run to your shower to get a quick fresh up before putting on something cute but functional.  You figure something that will allow him to get all of you just like he said he wanted over the phone and no one is more naked than going to the bathroom in a romper,s o you chose this olive green, with skinny faux belt in the front and a love neckline.  Some platform sandals that match your skin tone and some curl refresh in your hair, and you’re good to go.  

As you walk out of your bedroom, seeing your friends there almost scare you.

“Uh, girl where are you going?  Is your mom alright?”  Your college friend asks while looking you up and down in your new outfit.

You put on your best acting performance.  “She is, but she lost the remote again and hit a button so I need to reprogram something.  I’ll be back, stay long as y’all want to.”

“AHEM!  You look rather nice for a pop over to your mama’s.  Is there something else going on?”  High school friend asks with a judgmental gaze.

You feign frustration, “Ugh, I know, it’s such a  hassle, but daughter’s gotta do what they gotta do.  I’ll be back in like...a while.”  You exit your apartment in a rush, dodging all follow up questions aimed at your back.

Masterlist

[quietkite]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐬 | 𝟐

The Wattpad Version ➼ Lovely Little Liars                                                                    Table of Contents  

𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀 & 𝗖𝗵𝗼𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗴𝘀

Trigger Warnings:

Offensive Language, Mention of Death, Tension

Draco

"Ok Draco, just hold on tightly and don't let go. I haven't apparated in a while so just hold on.",Pansy said.

The two young adults held tightly onto each other on the Malfoy's humongous front lawn before apparating away.

Pansy toppled downwards onto Draco after after losing her balance from the quick arrival.

"Morgana, I don't think I'd ever get used to apparating.",Pansy chuckled with a laugh in reply from Draco..

As Draco stood up with the help of Pansy, he noticed a head of dark brown hair weave through a small crowd into the freshly painted red train.

"Was that Theo?", Draco asked as his girl best friend looked around the now emptying station with no luck.

"I don't see him, did he go onto the train?"

"He did, maybe we might find him in one of the compartments.",Draco reasoned with a nod from Pansy before they unnoticeably boarded the train.

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The train almost looked the same as ever. The seats were redone with newer, and better cushions, the glass was both fog repellent and spell-proof so no accidental spells could break the windows. It reminded Draco of his first few years in Hogwarts before everything became painful and dangerous.

He remembered while on the train ride back to school after the winter holidays in his first year, Goyle and Crabbe were stupidly trying to cast spells their fathers had taught them. Goyle ended up actually casting a proper bombarda shattering the window panes into pieces. Snape ended up having to clean up the mess and repair the window giving both Goyle and Crabbe detentions for an entire month.

Draco was smiling at the old memory before his world was turned upside down when he remembered how his godfather, and his only favourite Professor was gone for good. Even though Crabbe and Goyle were sluggish idiots sometimes, they still contributed to Draco's favourite memories.

"Draco? Are you still here? I think I just saw Theo go in there.",Pansy nudged Draco pointing at the slightly open door.

"Oh, sorry. I was daydreaming."

Giving Draco a weak smile, she then tugged him into the compartment.

"Theo! Blaise!",Pansy exclaimed ecstatically.

"Hey Pansy",Theo replied as Blaise waved.

"I hardly heard from the both of you two! Do you understand how fucking worried you two got Astoria and me?! I thought something happened to you or you did something to yourselves after Goyle's Funeral!",Pansy said bursting into tears.

"Are you oka—",Started Draco.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just on my period.",Pansy said waving Draco off as she sat down across Theo and Blaise. Draco scurried after her, sitting next to the raven-haired woman. She was always one to over-dramatise things.

"Anyway, how were you two's summer?"Draco asked.

"Oh, well it turns out that Father was innocent, and was under the imperius curse the entire time. We've gotten to know each other a bit more until he was attacked and erm...murdered. And then after Goyle's funeral it was a bit difficult. Blaise then stayed with me for the rest of the summer, since his mother was given a life sentence in Azkaban after being proven guilty of murdering her dead husbands amongst other things... But um Blaise...",Theo started as his cedar brown eyes flitted from the two before landing a worried look at Blaise.

"Did something happen Theo?",Pansy asked gently with a sense of protectiveness lining her firm voice.

"He just prefers to not talk anymore.",Theo stated scratching the back of his head awkwardly glancing from Pansy and Draco to Blaise who looked just as tense.

"Is that why you didn't answer my owls?",Pansy asked receiving a quick, and awkward nod from Blaise.

Pansy gave Draco a look before Draco spoke.

"Do you all know what Mcgonagall owled  us for?"

"No, just for some reunion and then some news. The letter was pretty concise.",Theo remarked.

"Well how was your summer Draco and Pansy?",Theo asked.

"My father gotten the dementor's kiss, and Mother and I were put on a probation.",Draco replied uncomfortably as he discreetly latched onto Pansy's hand seeking some kind of comfort. The memories were still fresh in his head. He saw the kiss, and the dementor, and his father's last words were only to remind Draco of how much of a disappointment he was to him and the Malfoys before him.

Pansy squeezed his hand before she spoke about her summer. She understood him and what it meant to lose a family member. Especially one who hated every single thing about you.

"Astoria was actually with me for almost the entire summer. We had...our moments... But aside from the sad parts she and I also met up with some people who surprisingly aren't that bad once you get to know them. In fact we all became friends actually.",Pansy said.

Draco was about to ask who the raven-haired girl had made friends with when the trolley filled with sweets and snacks ranging from chocolate frogs to pumpkin pastries stopped by their train compartment. There was even some of the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes edible products on the rickety trolley. Draco then remembered that the troublemaking Weasley twins went from the legendary pranking duo of them to just the one of them. Draco attended the funeral as a sign of respect, but he stayed in the back, going unnoticed. They may have ridiculed him many times before but he conceded that he was a little bit of a brat in his younger years.

"Anything from the trolley dear?",The trolley witch asked sweetly. His friends had already bought their own snacks to last them the train ride but Draco wasn't very hungry. But he was smart enough to not worry nor anger Pansy.

"May I have two chocolate frogs please?"

The trolley witch gave Draco one of the first genuine smiles that he had seen in a while as she handed him two chocolate frogs in exchange for two galleons.

When the trolley witch with her trolley filled with sweets and other sugary edibles galore, was out of sight Pansy sighed deeply as if she were relieved, before walking out of her seat to lock the door. She sat back down wordlessly putting her head on Draco's shoulder, with a heavy sigh.

"I can't believe that we're coming back here. Reunion or not, I didn't think that we would even be allowed back, being Slytherins and all.",Pansy said after nobody spoke a word.

The compartment was silent again. It was just too awkward.

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About half an hour later Draco was woken up too Pansy shaking him awake. He didn't even realise that he had fallen asleep. Both Theo and Blaise were also asleep leaning onto one another as if the other were some kind of pillow.

"Are we here yet Pansy? I can go wake up the other two now if we—"

"Shut up Draco. You're hurting.",Pansy said automatically as Draco froze.

Her hazel green eyes were on him with her cold stare as Draco tried to avoid her stern gaze.

"I-I, what do you mean?",Draco replied his face ridden with emotions. To much emotion.

"Look at me. None of us are fine Draco. It's not that hard to tell. We're all bloody broken and I know that just because your father isn't in your life anymore doesn't mean that he doesn't affect you. Trauma doesn't go away in a day.

"Pansy, I am fine. My father is gone, my mother is safe and if I do as I'm told I won't be thrown into Azkaban. What more could I need in my life?"

"You and I both know how much people resent us. Even more so when you have the—never mind. But don't you get it? People aren't going to stop tormenting you or any of us Slytherins until what they perceive as the problem has been...eradicated.",Pansy hissed, noticing Draco almost flinch at the mention of the dark mark.

Draco couldn't respond to the determined girl. She was right and he didn't want to admit it.

Pansy may have come very close the failing Divintation almost every year, but she could read almost anyone easily. It was almost like a sixth sense.

"Why do you talk to me about this now Pansy?",Draco breathed, not wanting to see the hard stare the black-haired girl gave him.

"Because those two are clearly not in the right state of mind to hear this right now. They've already got their own problems as of this moment, and they hadn't seemed to have any more luck than a shrimpy house elf with the amount of sleep it looks like they've gotten.",Pansy answered, nodding to the two boys across from them still using the other as a support.

Draco hadn't noticed how tired the other two young men looked so sleep-deprived.

It was clear to see how the two were tight, maybe even closer than brothers tight. They were a major key to the other's survival.

"It's codependency. They were tight before, but the war has changed us all. For the better or the worse. It happened to all of us."Pansy stated as if reading Draco's mind.

Draco turned to her not knowing how to feel.

It was silent again as silence was the only other option to awkward conversations nowadays. Draco didn't mind silence but not when tension and guilt intoxicated the air.

"Who did you meet over the summer?"

"Nobody special. Now eat your chocolate frogs. You're way to skinny."

Draco gave the raven-haired girl a cocky smirk before lazily taking out one of his chocolate frogs to eat.

When he opened the chocolate frog jumped immediately out of the box as Pansy quickly caught it as the chocolate frog blew a raspberry at Pansy visibly angering her.

Draco smiled at the scene as his eyes shifted to the collectible card.

Draco's eyes widened at the card. In all of his glory there he was.

Harry Fucking Potter with all of his dark tanned skin, aggravatingly messy hair and his overly striking emerald eyes.

And Pansy to his dismay, noticed this and smirked.

She fucking smirked.

Table of Contents 

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[all-things-skam]

Hey, would you mind writing something about Eliott seeing Lucas and going after him after Friday’s clip? Thank you 💕

Title: It wasn’t yours to tell (part II)

Ship: Skam France | Lucas Lallemant and Eliot Demaury (Elu)

When Eliott got to the door, he ran into Lucas’s friends. The three boys were huddled by the door, one of them holding a pair of broken glasses. Did they get into a fight?

“Have you seen Lucas?” Eliott asked them.

Yann shook his head and Arthur scowled at the sound of his friend’s name. “He left a few minutes ago. He probably went home.”

“Yeah, he’s probably crying to his mama,” Basile mocked.

Eliott furrowed his eyebrows. Wasn’t Lucas their friend? This certainly was not supposed to be the way you supported your friend when he was going through so much. Hadn’t Lucas told them anything at all? 

Yann glanced at Eliott who seemed to be feeling genuine worry for Lucas which was odd because Lucas had told them Eliott was ‘no one’. Something about Eliott’s worried look made Yann think that maybe there was something between them that Lucas hadn’t told them.

Eliott was about to leave when Yann put a hand on his arm. “Careful, man. He was in a mood…”

“If you see him, tell him he owe me a pair of glasses,” Arthur called after him.

.

On his way to Lucas’s appartement, Eliott found a figure sitting on the sidewalk, knees pulled to their chest. As he got gloser, he realized who it was and ran over immediately.

He looked a bit shaken up when Eliott got down to his level. “Lucas?”

Eliott took a seat beside him, moving closer to the younger boy to see what was wrong.

The boy didn’t reply nor look at him, staring straight ahead lividly. Eliott sighed gently, a million thoughts running through his head. This must’ve been all his fault, it was his idea in the first place to ditch the girls that day. He ruined Lucas’s coming out experience and left the younger boy feeling vulnerable and helpless. As he was trying to figure out what to say to him, he noticed the blood on his hands, still pouring from Lucas’s busted knuckles, the skin all scraped up.

“What happened to your hand?” Eliott asked, worriedly. He took it in his carefully, checking the damages but Lucas pulled away.

“Leave me alone,” Lucas said looking up at Eliott with teary eyes, it was clear that he was hurting both physically and mentally. His heart was beating fast in his chest, and his throat feeling heavy. He could barely get any words out. “Leave… I’ll be ok on my own,” he said gently.

“Lucas.” It killed Eliott seeing Lucas like this. He wanted to wrap his arms around him, kiss away every tear and take away the pain. He tried to take his hand again, this time using his other arm to pull Lucas close. “Let me look at your hand…please. It might be broken, we have to-”

“Go away!” he yelled, this time not being as gentle as he first was. His lips trembled as he built up the courage to say his next words. “Don’t you have a girlfriend to get back to? You know, the one who you were sucking faces with minutes ago.” Eliott looked down, he saw them together at the party. “I was an idiot to believe you were done with her. You promised me so many things that morning, don’t you remember? You said you didn’t want anything to do with her, that it was the end of your relationship. I fell for you…I fell for your bullshit,” he said, shaking his arm off. He groaned in pain as he tried to get up, his hand still clearly bleeding.

Eliott was not giving up, only wanting the best for Lucas. “You need to clean this cut. Come on.”

Lucas huffed and tried getting up, this time being successful. He began to walk away from Eliott. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I don’t need you or your help. I should’ve known that it was all too good to be fucking true.” Lucas laughed dryly. “I was so stupid to think that I could have a chance with you…”

Eliott was obviously hurt but he knew that he deserved it. “Lucas, please. You need to clean your hand before it gets infected. And, maybe even get it checked. This isn’t about us right now, it’s about your health, that should come first.”

Eliott was obviously hurt but he knew that he deserved it. “Lucas, please. You need to clean your hand before it gets infected. And, maybe even get it checked, it might be broken. This isn’t about us right now, it’s about your health that should come first.”

Lucas turned around and looked at Eliott, looking incredibly heartbroken still. “You went from saying all those intense romantic things to saying you needed a break in a week. You went from saying you were done with Lucile to looking so happy being with her and kissing her, in two days. You’re hard to follow, Eliott.”

“I said I needed to take my distance, not that I had stopped caring about you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop caring about you,” Eliott corrected. “Now, please Lucas, just let me take you home and take care of your hand. You don’t even have to talk to me, I’ll leave as soon as I’m done. You don’t have to forgive me for anything, just let me do this as someone who cares for you.”

.

Eliott went to the bathroom, remembering where it was from the last time he came over, and pulled out stuff from the cabinet to clean Lucas’s hand. He instructed Lucas to sit on the toilet lid as he poured some antiseptic on a cotton-round and applied it on the wounds. Lucas hissed, as anticipated. “Fuck!”

“Sorry.” Eliott smiled apologetically.

He continued cleaning the cut, wiping away all the dried blood, until it was clean and applied an ointment, wrapping it all up in gauze, fixing the white bandage with a medical tape.

“All fixed.” Eliott brought Lucas’s injured hand up to his lips and kissed it. He smiled softly at Lucas, the kind of smile that warmed Lucas’ heart and made him forget about all his worries.

He sighed gently as Eliott stood up to leave. “Eliott wait… It’s late and I don’t want you going out there alone at this time.”

Eliott chuckled. “I’m a big boy. I can walk home when it’s dark.”

But, it was clear that Lucas needed Eliott to stay more than he’d like to admit. His hand was still in pain and he hadn’t been able to sleep well since he received Eliott’s text message. He didn’t want to say anything because he was still incredibly heartbroken, but at the same time, he just wanted his Eliott. Wanted his warmth, his kisses, his soft heart beats and his smiles. He loved it when he played with his hair before they slept, he just…needed him right now. “Stay…please,” he whispered looking small, his blue eyes locking with Eliott’s.

After the whirlwind of emotions Lucas had gone through tonight, sleeping in Eliott’s arms sounded nice. Very nice.

Eliott smiled up at him softly and took his hand gently. “I can take the couch then. You can come to me if your hand hurts or if you need anything. Does that sound ok?”

“Erm, actually the couch is my bed…”

Eliott looked confused but didn’t bother to ask. “Then, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Lucas sighed as Eliott put everything back in it’s place, cleaning the mess on the bathroom vanity. Was there a way to get his point across without blantly telling Eliott that he wanted to sleep next to him?

When he was done, Lucas went to Manon’s room, knowing she wasn’t home and stole a few blankets and pillows from her to make a makeshift bed for Eliott. He installed everything before picking clothes from his suitcase, asking Eliott if he wanted anything to sleep in.

Awkwardly, Lucas undressed, suddenly feeling shy to take off his pants in front of Eliott. He had already taken off his hoodie, being stained with blood. Lucas wasn’t insecure with his body, it’s just, compared to Eliott… Damn, that boy was fine.

Eliott bit his lip and looked away, wanting the younger boy to be comfortable. He knew that Lucas was insecure and it shattered his heart when Lucas didn’t realize how beautiful he was.

They separately got under their covers, a thick silence filling the appartement. Lucas glanced at him phone and sighed: 11pm. How was he supposed to fall asleep so early? And, with Eliott so close yet so far from him?

“Eliott?” The older boy hummed, not feeling sleepy either, but Lucas shook his head. “Nothing…”

Eliott sat up and smiled at him. “What is it, Lucas? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

I miss you and I want to feel you next to me, I want you to hold me while I sleep, I-

“Want me to join you?” Eliott asked cautiously, reading Lucas’s mind.

Lucas bit his lip and nodded slowly. “Yes, please.”

He watched as Eliott pushed she blanket away, raising from the ground, revealing his long legs and toned thighs, causing Lucas to bit his lip harder.

They were going to be cramped on the couch but, that also meant Lucas would be closer to Eliott so, he won’t complain about that.

They were going to be cramped on the couch but, that also meant Lucas would be closer to Eliott so, he won’t complain about that.

Eliott got on the couch, sliding in and taking Lucas’s spot at the back, so that he was the big spoon. He pulled the smaller boy close and wrapped arms around his waist.

‘’Is this better?’’

Lucas nodded, loving the feeling of Eliott’s strong arms around him, holding him close. ‘’Eliott?’’ Eliott hummed, again. ‘’Are you gonna leave me again?’’ he asked.

Are you gonna return to Lucile, he wanted to say.

Eliott took his time to think about his next words. ‘’I don’t want to.’’

Lucas put his head on Eliott’s chest, his injured hand resting over his heart, enjoying the moment while it lasted. If Eliott was going to return to his girlfriend, he wanted to bath in Eliott’s embrace until he had to leave.

A yawn came from Lucas and Eliott gently kissed Lucas’ hair. “Night Lucas, sweet dreams.”

Lucas finally felt safe and comfortable, a smile settling on his lips. “Night,’’ he said as he drifted off to sleep.

[islareeveswriting]

World of Our Own | Harry Styles Uni AU | Chapter 3

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LISTEN TO Bros by Wolf Alice Shake your hair, have some fun Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend Oh, there's no one, there's no one that knows me like you do

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‘Hope not.’ Rae heard Harry’s mumble and she shot her eyes to him, but it appeared no one else heard it or at least they pretended not to. Harry looked up to her and she saw the way his cheeks instantly reddened under her gaze before he dropped his eyes to his hands, restlessly playing with the rings on his fingers as always.

‘No probably not ok?’ Louis giggled and shook his head. He’d reeled her in and wound her up. Normally he struggled, clearly her slight hangover lowered her defences and she felt stupid for letting him get to her. Though really it wasn’t Louis that had got to her at all. She could deal with his taunting, she couldn’t deal with Harry’s look or his silence or the two muttered words he’d let out of his mouth.

The kettle clicked off the boil and Rae turned to it, letting conversation bubble back up amongst the boy’s behind her. Her thumping head returned to the forefront of her attention as she poured the boiling water over the tea bag, holding her head in her hand as she did it. It served to remind her why she didn’t drink a lot, and she vowed to herself then, as she had done after her first experience with alcohol, that she’d never do it again. Up until the night before she’d stuck to that vow, one or two rum and cokes and she was done normally. Why she’d forgotten that last night she wasn’t sure but the memories of it made her sure she’d definitely forgotten.

‘You can do better that’s all I meant.’ Rae nearly dropped the box of granola bars she’d reached up to grab as Harry whispered to her. She hadn’t even noticed him stand let alone make his way over to her and his voice simultaneously made her jump and sent shivers down her spine. Harry swept past her just as quickly as he’d appeared, his bare arm virtually brushing against the exposed skin of her back.

Rae’s head was pounding as she pulled her bedroom door open. Memories from the night before were hazy but intact. It had been Rae’s biggest night out since arriving in Brighton. She wasn’t a heavy drinker and that was no secret, she didn’t enjoy the out of control feeling and she hated the after-effects of drinking too much. Her throbbing brain was reminding her of that now, and she regretted it.

Checking over her shoulder for Cal, she crept down the stairs. The sounds of her housemates voices were travelling through from the kitchen. Feelings of relief washed over her when she peeked over the bannister to see the kitchen door shut. The last thing Rae wanted was any stick for bringing a boy home, particularly one she felt sure Louis had a problem with even if he wouldn’t tell her for certain.  

Nothing had really happened between her and Cal . Sure they’d fooled around a little under her duvet, but Rae hadn’t let him come in for anything like that only so he didn’t have to walk home alone. She hadn’t really wanted anything to happen at all, but in her slightly inebriated state her mind had told her she did. It was only as she tiptoed down the stairs, Cal following behind, and she realised how little she wanted one of the boy’s to leave the kitchen that she became acutely aware of the guilt and the sickening feeling that wallowed at the bottom of her stomach, not from the alcohol.

Rae waited at the bottom for the Cal to take the last couple of steps, looking at her bare feet and tightening her loose ponytail behind her head, trying to prepare for the inevitable conversation that was to come. A loud crashing pulled her from her thoughts, turning to Cal a pile on the bottom step. She couldn’t help the laughter that came with his blushing cheeks and pretzeled legs.

‘Shit are you ok?’ She whispered, though she didn’t know why. There was no way the boys hadn’t heard Cal’s crash landing. Unfortunately for her, her suspicions were proved right, the sound of the kitchen door opening pulling her eyes from Cal who was pulling himself to her feet.

‘You alright Raym- oh Cal, didn’t realise you were here.’ The change in Niall’s tone was stark as his eyes fell on Cal straightening out the same top he’d been wearing the night before, the stain of the whiskey shot he’d spilt just as obvious as it had been when he’d done it.

‘Yeah you weren’t meant to realise mate.’ Cal was laughing but the tension in the hallway was clear. Rae’s mind shot back to Liam’s harsh words about Cal at the house party when he called her inside. She had no reason to believe they were justified, but she felt she knew her housemates well enough after nearly a month to know they weren’t the type of people to say bad things about someone without reason. Niall disappeared back into the kitchen shutting the door behind himself to let Rae say goodbye. ‘Well I guess I’ll see you around.’

‘Yeah sure.’ Rae mumbled reaching for the front door and pulling it open. The cold, near winter, air shot in and bit at her bare legs, goosebumps forming almost immediately.

‘Maybe we could do this again sometime?’ Rae could hear the suggestiveness in Cal’s voice and it literally made her skin crawl. She had to restrain from twisting her neck and rolling her shoulders as her spine shuddered from his words.

‘Erm, I dunno, maybe.’ Rae tried to be dismissive, but she struggled. It didn’t matter how much she regretted what she’d let happen last night, she couldn’t not feel guilty when she saw the look of hurt on Cal’s face.

‘Oh right,’ It was clear Cal thought something was beginning to happen between them and it only made Rae feel like a bad person for letting that happen. ‘See you then.’

‘Bye.’ Rae smiled hoping it would make Cal look a little less like a kicked puppy, but it didn’t. She sighed closing the door trying not to think about how guilty she was feeling and instead focusing on psyching herself up to go into the kitchen. Four boys were sat around the table in there, she knew that, and she could guess, by how quiet they’d gone they were discussing her and the possibilities of her night before. Rae took another sigh and padded through to the kitchen tightening her ponytail again before pushing the kitchen door open.

Heavy silence fell immediately and four pairs of eyes fell on her. Blue, darker blue, brown and green. Three of them were mischievous, light and full of laughter. The other almost disappointment, but definitely not mischievous or full of laughter. She felt like scum with his look and it nearly made her cry. She blamed that on the alcohol and the fact she knew she was two days from her period.

‘Good night?’ Louis finally asked after Rae had shut the door to keep the warm air of the kitchen in. Rae shrugged and made her way over to the kettle, shaking it to find it annoyingly empty.

‘Was alright, yours?’ Her voice was still scratchy from sleep but also from how much, overly loud, singing she’d been doing in the bar the night before. She coughed to clear it but it just stung so she decided on a chamomile tea rather than the normal black.

‘Not as good as Cal’s.’ Rae turned sharply to Louis’ jestful comment. She could feel the scorn on her face but it didn’t wipe the playful grin of Louis’ face or stop Niall from kissing his teeth to hold back a chuckle Rae could practically see form in his throat.

‘Fuck off, it was nothing.’ Rae bit wishing the kettle would boil quicker so she could get out.

‘You don’t sneak nothing out of the front door, trust me.’ Liam quipped widening his eyes and looking down to the bowl of cheerios in front of him. Rae just shook her head.

‘I wasn’t sneaking him out I-’

‘Looked like it.’ Niall interrupted. It was funny, Louis, Liam and Niall were talking to her and laughing at her but it was Harry’s silence that was riling her most. She wished he’d say something, join in, make light of it, make her think (at least a little) that, that look hadn’t meant anything.

‘Sounded like it.’ Louis taunted with a wink.

‘Are you guys for real?’ Rae questioned looking between them. ‘Nothing happened, and even if it did, you wouldn’t be getting the sordid details.’

‘I was just wondering if we’ll be seeing more of Cal?’ Louis questioned, leaning back in his chair like he thought he was Jeremy Paxman and Rae was his latest victim.

‘Hope not.’ Rae heard Harry mumble and she shot her eyes to him, but it appeared no one else heard it or at least they pretended not to. Harry looked up to her and she saw the way his cheeks instantly reddened under her gaze before he dropped his eyes to his hands, restlessly playing with the rings on his fingers as always.

‘No probably not ok?’ Louis giggled and shook his head. He’d reeled her in and wound her up. Normally he struggled, clearly her slight hangover lowered her defences and she felt stupid for letting him get to her. Though really it wasn’t Louis that had got to her at all. She could deal with his taunting, she couldn’t deal with Harry’s look or his silence or the two muttered words he’d let out of his mouth.

The kettle clicked off the boil and Rae turned to it, letting conversation bubble back up amongst the boy’s behind her. Her thumping head returned to the forefront of her attention as she poured the boiling water over the tea bag, holding her head in her hand as she did it. It served to remind her why she didn’t drink a lot, and she vowed to herself then, as she had done after her first experience with alcohol, that she’d never do it again. Up until the night before she’d stuck to that vow, one or two rum and cokes and she was done normally. Why she’d forgotten that last night she wasn’t sure but the memories of it made her sure she’d definitely forgotten.

‘You can do better that’s all I meant.’ Rae nearly dropped the box of granola bars she’d reached up to grab as Harry whispered to her. She hadn’t even noticed him stand let alone make his way over to her and his voice simultaneously made her jump and sent shivers down her spine. Harry swept past her just as quickly as he’d appeared, his bare arm virtually brushing against the exposed skin of her back.

She had to swallow it down, whatever it was he made rise in her. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but it made her tingle all over, hairs on her arms standing on end. Her stomach felt light and it tumbled like waves, but sent a sense of calm over her also. She was completely silent as she finished making her tea and ignored the chat she could hear perfectly well behind her. She could have joined in if she’d wanted to, but she didn’t want to. She only felt like she wanted a bit of space and to apologise for something, but she didn’t know what.

‘Can I borrow your guitar?’ Rae asked looking to Niall as she turned. He smiled up at her, brightly. He was always so alive with charm and a brightness Rae found she envied. His eyes were always so bright even when he was hungover or running on minimal sleep.

‘Sure, go ahead sweetheart.’ Rae couldn’t remember when it was that Niall had started with the pet name, but with him it had stuck alongside Raymond and now those were the only two things he called her. She hoped it never changed, she felt like if it did it wouldn’t be a good thing. Rae smiled gratefully and padded through to the living room to grab the guitar and the huge fluffy blanket that lived on the back of one of the couches.

‘I’m gonna go outside for a bit.’ Rae announced as she walked through the kitchen guitar in hand and blanket over her shoulders. She didn’t need to see the looks to know she was getting them. It was freezing outside, winter just around the corner but she wanted fresh air, quiet and ten minutes completely alone.

Despite the frosty air, the sun was bright in the sky and it was clear blue, not a cloud in sight. If it wasn’t for the goosebumps forming on Rae’s limbs, she could have been convinced it was summer. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t miss the Australian heat, knowing it was coming into summer out there whilst she was struggling to get warm at night was difficult. She longed for a sunny day, a warm sunny day, her body craved it like lungs craved air after you’d been underwater too long.

Rae perched herself on the low brick wall, half broken, that split the patio from the grass. She crossed one leg up over the other so she could rest the curve of the guitar on it comfortably. It had been a while since she’d picked up a guitar, but she couldn’t imagine there’d be a time long enough that would make it not feel like the most natural thing in the world to have the strings under and between her fingertips.

She strummed and picked at it haphazardly, no particular melody in mind, but the sound beautiful nonetheless. It had come quite naturally to her and despite the lack of formal lessons, it was undeniable she was quite talented. It was a safe, happy place for Rae. A guitar in her hands reminded her of simpler, happier times. It wasn’t that she was unhappy, there was just always a hole, the guitar didn’t fit in it perfectly or fill it, but it helped. It wasn’t his strong arms that she longed to feel around her, but it made it all feel a bit easier when it rose its ugly head and tried to drag her down.

Tears stung the back of her eyes. She blamed it on the PMS, and the tiredness and the alcohol that was still in her system. Anything not to admit she’d never be over her brother not being there anymore.

Rae shook her head as she heard the back door open, pushing any threat of tears away and lifting her mug to her lips to distract from any signs before turning her head. Louis was wondering out towards her, his jogging bottoms baggy on his legs and his hoodie baggy over his torso. His feet were bare though and slapping against the patio as he tried to light the self-rolled cigarette hanging from his lips.

‘Alright?’ Louis mumbled before taking a drag and taking the smoke from his mouth.

‘Yeah I’m good.’ Rae smiled putting her tea down beside her as Louis sat next to her on the wall.

‘We were only messing around about Cal.’ Louis explained and Rae could see the glimmer of guilt in his eye that she had to giggle.

‘Don’t be stupid, I know, it’s fine.’ She reassured with a grin.

‘Sure?’ Louis questioned and Rae just nodded, still grinning at him. ‘Ok.’ Louis whispered, looking at the guitar Rae had on her lap, the same way she did, playing with the strings mindlessly. ‘So you play guitar?

‘A little yeah.’

‘Sounds like more than a little to me.’ Rae chuckled to herself, her fingers ceasing to pull at the cold metal. ‘When did you start learning?’

‘About ten I think.’ Rae remembered as best she could. She could still remember the day, but she knew she’d rose tinted it a little. Jonah hadn’t been as excited as she liked to remember about teaching his little sister to play.

‘Did you teach yourself?’ Nervous butterflies erupted in Rae with Louis’ innocent question. She could almost see how the conversation was going to go from there and she didn’t want those sympathetic eyes or words. She didn’t want to become a charity case or someone anyone felt they had to tiptoe around and it didn’t matter what she said, how many times she said she was ok with it, people still walked on egg shells for her benefit.

‘Erm no.’ She sighed heavily. She had to tell them of course they were going to find out. She supposed then was no better or worse than any other time. ‘My brother.’ She started there and let it fizz for a moment.

‘You have a brother too?’ Louis’ eyes were wide and slight smile on his face. She should have just said it.

‘Did.’ The confusion was palpable. It was written over his face and when the obvious came to his mind she saw him think there must be something else. There wasn’t. ‘He died when I was fifteen.’

‘Oh shit.’ Rae just nodded, that was the most common reaction in people her age. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.’ Rae chuckled, another common reaction. She couldn’t understand why people thought they would know unless she told them. She didn’t wear it like a badge, people with family trauma didn’t go around declaring it so everyone knew, so why would anyone think they should have known?

‘Do you want to talk about it or?’ Rae shook her head. The stinging tears were back. ‘Sorry I don’t know the right thing to say.’ Louis admitted and that was different and she appreciated his honesty.

‘Don’t be sorry you muppet.’ She laughed again and Louis smiled. ‘You don't have to say anything.’

‘Thank you for telling me.’ His voice was quiet, and she didn’t miss the gentle fleeting touch through the blanket on her back. She appreciated that too. ‘So he taught you to play guitar?’ Louis asked. Rae smiled, she liked this. It was different. Louis wasn’t asking Rae how she felt, or what happened, he just wanted to know about her brother, but only more of what he already knew. Rae had never had that reaction before. She wondered if it was because Louis didn’t know Jonah. Most other people who were told about the accident knew Jonah or at least of him and they all seemed to think that gave them a pass into Rae’s life. So many people had told her how she should feel and what she shouldn’t do, no one had ever stopped to ask her anything about who her brother really was. She appreciated it from Louis, it made it nicer for her to talk about.

‘Yeah I was obsessed with him playing guitar when I was little and in the middle of nowhere you can’t really just pop out for guitar lessons so he taught me.’ Rae explained with a soft smile. It wasn’t quite the real memory, but the thought warmed in the centre of her and spread through to her extremities.

‘That’s cool.’ Louis grinned as if he was actually excited by what Rae had told him.

‘Yeah,’ Rae nodded. ‘It was his guitar I had to leave at home which is why I was a bit, ah, y’know.’ Rae hated emotions, she couldn’t explain them and it wound her up. Louis just nodded though.

‘Yeah I get it, that’s understandable.’ It felt so genuine and she wasn’t sure she’d ever been quite so open about anything to do with her brother with anyone apart from her sister. It felt good but it didn’t feel like something she wanted all the time and she hoped Louis could realise that. ‘Maybe you could get it out here another time.’

‘Maybe.’ Rae mumbled, she wouldn’t though. It was too expensive and not worth it.

‘So what’s your favourite thing to play?’

‘Erm good question.’ Rae laughed there was so many. ‘Maybe Take it to the Limit?’

‘Ooo Eagles?’ Rae nodded and smiled. It was Jonah’s favourite song, the first he’d taught her to play and she always went back to it when she wanted to play but didn’t know what. It was a little safety blanket of sound and the buzz she got from playing it was the same as the first time she nailed it and Jonah had looked at her like she’d pulled the moon out of the sky for him. ‘Will you play it for me?’

‘Erm, yeah I guess.’ Rae was a bit baffled and felt uncharacteristically nervous, but she did it. Placing her fingers and hearing Jonah’s voice the way she always did at the beginning of that song. She didn’t know what came over her, but she took a breath as she got close to where the vocal came in, and sung. The boy’s hadn’t heard her sing yet and it was a bit of a secret talent of hers. She’d held it in, in the shower or when someone had music playing, but then with Louis she felt ok to let it out.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Louis’ chin jut into his neck, physically taken back by the sound that came from her mouth. She smiled to herself. Another common reaction. Before she could play, she’d sung with Jonah as he played. He always encouraged it, even when her parents had, had enough of hearing her sing to every song that came on the radio, Jonah encouraged her to carry on. Elsie too, but Jonah always.

The sound of the back door opening again made her cut it short, stopping mid-chorus to turn to the sound. Louis doing the same. Liam and Niall were wondering out hoodies and trainers pulled on instead of the bare chests and shorts that had been around the dining table. Both had steaming mugs of tea in their hands and it reminded Rae of her own. She lifted it taking a sip as Liam and Niall got closer.

‘Don’t stop, I love that song.’ Niall beamed pulling up a garden chair to sit near Louis and Rae. ‘Come on I’m serious.’ Niall practically begged as Rae chuckled. She sighed, putting her mug and down and resuming the song. ‘Sing as well sweetheart.’ Niall coaxed. Her breath was shaky but she calmed it as best she could to sing the words she’d never forget. Niall joined in, his slightly gravelly tone the perfect combination with Rae’s smooth as honey voice. Rae smiled up at him as they sung. Rae loved the way music did that. She knew her housemates, she considered to be quite close to them, but suddenly she felt even closer and like she’d known them longer than a month.

There was one missing though. And she wasn’t the only one to notice.

‘Where’s H, he’d love this?’ Liam asked as Rae played the last couple of chords. Louis groaned.

‘Went upstairs, he’s stressing.’ Louis explained.

‘He takes it pretty hard ey?’ Rae questioned picking up her mug again taking another sip. It was still warm but not hot enough to keep her toasty the way it had done at first.

‘He worries about letting people down a lot.’ Niall explained and Rae nodded understanding but not in a personable way. She’d learned a long time ago worrying what other people thought did nothing for a healthy mental state. ‘He’ll be back to normal soon.’

‘Raymond hasn’t seen normal Harry yet, he’s still in I’m scared of you mode.’ Liam jested with a laugh, though Rae didn’t find it particularly funny she smiled anyway. She still didn’t like how Harry was with her, but she’d grown to realise it wasn’t her problem and wasn’t something she was going to force him out of.

‘Don’t worry he was like that with all of us at first as well, he’ll get over it eventually.’ Niall reassured with a sparkling smile.

‘I hope so.’ Rae admitted, looking down at the strings to miss the look, and the raised eyebrows the boys shared between them.

++

The bright morning sunshine had quickly turned to grey, rainy skies. Harry was sat in his bedroom, lights on illuminating the room orange. The loft room had no windows apart from the skylight either side of the pitched ceiling. The rain crashed against it and nearly drowned out the record Harry had on in the background as he painted - Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours, the album he’d always come back to.

With a paintbrush in hand and the rain tapping against the glass, candles lit and his favourite album playing, he felt completely relaxed. He pushed his glasses back up his nose where they’d slipped as he bent over the piece he was currently working on. A sunflower, with Van Gogh as his artist study, it made sense.

Harry had always loved art. He’d spent pocket money on supplies since he was little and that hadn’t really changed. Studying art at university made sense. His Dad wasn’t happy at first, what were you meant to do with an art degree. Harry saw it that way too sometimes. But when he was painting or drawing or flicking through books of art, walking around a gallery, he forgot about that. And so did his dad when he came to the exhibition at the end of Harry’s first year of university. They all knew he was talented, but nobody knew he was capable of producing masterpieces.

He’d sailed through first year, and second year was going just as well but even so he still let the stress of not letting his family down rest heavy on his shoulders. It kept him awake at night, it crept into his mind in silent moments and gave him a similar level of anxiety to being around new people. Not quite hands shaking, stomach rolling level, but nearly.

Harry leaned back on his chair inspecting the piece in front of him. It was good, it wasn’t finished, there was something missing, he didn’t know what and he racked his brains to think of it. Harry looked down at the golden flower, scraping his hands through his hair, fluffy from being freshly washed.

The scream that rang through the house nearly had him falling from his chair. He shot straight up. Everyone was out apart from Rae and him. The only person it could be was Rae.

‘HARRY!’

Harry ran down the stairs to the middle floor of the house, turning the corner of the bannister for Rae’s room right at the end. The door was shut and he knocked on it before barging in, just in case she wasn’t decent. He wouldn’t know where to look if he barged in and she was missing clothes.

‘You ok?’ Harry called tentatively. They’d not been alone together since the house party. Rae kept taking herself off to bed before that could happen in the living room and after Liam had left for uni that day, Rae had gone upstairs to work. Harry couldn’t help feeling she didn’t want to be alone with him.

‘Come in, the pipe’s burst.’ Harry cursed under his breath pushing the door open. Rae was stood on her bed, soaked from head to toe. She looked like she’d got out of the shower, she looked like she’d showered in her clothes. Her white t-shirt was clinging to her body, and making obvious the black bra she had on underneath. Clearly she wasn’t as fazed by that as Harry, looking down to him unabashed and waiting for him to do something.

Harry’s drew his eyes away from her to the bed she was standing on and consequently to the photos sprawled across it along with the presentation book where she’d obviously been securing them. He quickly moved them away from the water onto the desk over the room from the bed, before taking another look up to the pipe.

‘Shit.’ He cursed, looking up at Rae who was holding a towel against the wall trying to keep the water from pouring down on her even more. ‘Ok, erm, I’ll get some more towels and ring the landlord just wait here.’ Harry listed frantically before going to leave the room, ‘and I’ll turn the water off.’ He added before trotting out.

Harry could feel his cheeks blushing and his mind was trying to get him to remember how good she’d looked stood up there, with a see through t-shirt, dark hair dripping down her back and bare legs glistening with water. Now wasn’t the time for that image, he knew that. But he was sure it would be all he’d be able to see when they sat around the table for Louis’ Chilli Con Louis. Clearly he didn’t know what Con Carne actually meant or he’d know his famed dish was called Chilli with Louis.

It didn’t take Harry long to find the mains to turn the water off and with his phone on his shoulder, he grabbed as many towels as the bathroom was home too. He didn’t know whose they were, but he didn’t care. The phone next to his ear rang and rang, but to no avail. No one answered. He tried again holding his phone there with his shoulder as he trotted back to Rae’s room.

It was clear her arms were aching by the way she stood, practically folded against the wall, when Harry got back into the room. He smiled at her and hopped up on the bed to stand beside her. It dipped a bit under his weight but Rae was grateful when he smothered the leaking pipe with the towels in his hands so she could let her arms down. She literally breathed a sigh of relief as the blood starting rushing back through her limbs. Harry smiled at her again, the phone ringing incessantly in his ear, but eventually going to answer for the second time.

‘No fucking answer.’ Harry sighed letting his phone drop onto the bed. ‘Are you ok?’ Harry asked finally looking her up and down and not worrying about the fact he could see her underwear through her t-shirt, or at least trying not to notice it as he scanned her for any damage.

‘I’m fine, thank you.’ She told him hopping off the bed and turning away to look at the photos.

‘Your photos?’

‘They look ok, should be fine.’ She told him as she fingered through the collection she’d been arranging into some sort of order before the pipe above her had exploded. ‘If not I’ll just have to blag it, say it was on purpose or something.’ Harry chuckled and lifted the towel away to check how much water was leaking out from the ceiling.

‘They’re really good.’ Harry commented at last, after building himself up to it since she’d got down from the bed.

‘Thanks.’ Harry thought he could hear the smile in her voice, but he told himself he imagined it and focused on the job at hand. ‘What are we going to do?’ Rae asked, looking up at him concerned.

‘I’ll see if I can fix it up.’ Harry told her, straining a little as he inspected the pipe. Rae laughed loudly without worrying that it might offend Harry. ‘Oi, my dad’s a plumber, I used to work for him in the summer ok?’ Harry shot, not entirely offended but liking the way she looked a little shocked, her dark brown eyes wide staring up at him, at his outburst.

‘Ok fair enough.’ Rae nodded, happily corrected.

‘I’ll go see if I can find anything useful around this place, you be able to hold this for a second?’ Harry asked nodding at the towel. Rae groaned quietly but stepped back up onto the bed to take over. ‘It should stop soon, I’ll only be a second.’ Rae felt the burst of warmth inside her that came from the feeling that he was trying to reassure her. He looked at her like he was telling her it was going to be ok, dead in the eyes, he rarely did that, but soft and gentle, like he trying to be the rock and the safe place all at once. Rae knew, had known, someone else like that.

It didn’t take long for Harry to get back and he had a collection of things in his hands, but Rae couldn’t really tell what until he spilled them onto the bed.

‘You can get down now if you want, it’s probably stopped.’ Harry told her. Rae tentatively took the towel away. The gushing water that had hit her had recessed to an incessant drip. Rae stepped back and hopped off the bed, letting Harry take her place and watching him from the desk.

She’d never really looked at him properly not from that angle, but now she was she found it quite mesmerising. His hair that he normally had fixed perfectly was loose and fluffy, falling over his face a little and curling around his ears. He’d rolled the cream woolen jumper he had on up to his elbows and as he reached up for the pipe it rose up over his back and stomach a little to reveal perfectly soft golden skin. From her side on view, she could see the black ink that was etched where v-lines might be and the trail of hair that ran up from his jeans under his jumper.

‘You ok?’ Harry’s voice pulled her away and it was only as she looked up to him with his creased brow that she realised her mouth was open and she’d been caught staring. ‘The tape.’ Harry obviously repeated, nodding at the assortment of things he’d put on her bed. Rae just nodded, she wasn’t blushing, nothing much made her blush but she was admittedly a little embarrassed.

Rae handed Harry the tape and watched as he worked to do his best at fixing the problem with limited tools. His hands were light and dexterous and it didn’t take any imagination to believe he could create masterpieces with those hands. It was hard to believe, however, that he was so tall and broad and clearly toned, and as gentle as anything the whole while.

‘Well that’s the best I can do with what I’ve got.’ Harry announced stepping back to look at his work. It had certainly done the trick, the pipe was no longer dripping at least.

‘Thanks.’ Rae smiled, her eyes following Harry as he stepped down off the bed to join her.

‘It’s fine.’  Harry assured with the tiniest of smiles. Rae watched the way he pulled his sleeves back down his arms and tucked his hands inside like a nervous child.

‘Nothing happened with me and Cal by the way, nothing’s going on there.’ Rae told him though she had no idea why. Hours had passed but the need to apologise for something hadn’t. ‘Sorry I don’t know why I said that.’

‘It’s fine.’ Harry told her with a shake of his head, though that look of disappointment was back.

‘Look’s like I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.’ Rae laughed trying to ease any tension that remained. The bed clothes were sodden, they were white but it was obvious they were soaked. Her feet, clad in thick woolen socks were just as wet from where she’d stood in it and it only served to make her feel cold.

‘You can have my bed.’ Harry told her confidently and all of a sudden, like the words fell out of his mouth without meaning to.

‘No I’m not gonna kick you out of your bed.’

‘You can have my bed Rae, I’ll share with Louis or something, for the night, until it’s dry.’ Harry assured, with a little more conviction.

‘You sure?’ His eyes told her he was but she still had to ask.

‘Yeah it’s fine.’ He smiled a little bigger that time and nodded.

‘So you keep saying.’ Rae laughed and Harry did to. It was nice, laughing with him. Rae liked it. Harry liked it. They both liked that it felt like a burst pipe had done heaps for their friendship.

‘Nice guitar playing by the way.’ Harry commented shyly, the rush of bravery that had made him say it quickly disappearing once the words were out of his mouth.

‘You could hear?’ Rae’s eyes went wide as if suddenly she was the one who was shy. Harry didn’t believe that though. She was so confident, scarily so really, for him anyway.

‘Yeah from my bedroom earlier.’ Harry explained to her motioning to his room upstairs.

‘Sorry.’ She mumbled but Harry just shook his head, refusing to say it’s fine again. ‘I should get dry I guess.’ Rae pointed out looking down at her drenched clothes that, to Harry’s surprise, he’d virtually forgotten about.

‘Yeah sure I’ll leave you to it.’ He told her staring to back out of the room. ‘Do you want tea?’ Harry offered before he left.

‘That would be lovely thanks.’ Rae smiled and Harry turned out of the room closing the door behind him. Harry hadn’t offered to make her tea before. Harry had never spoken to her so much before. It bought a genuinely happy smile to her face and the feeling inside her from the whole thing felt like it could get addictive.

Rae stripped from the wet clothes and chucked them into her dirty laundry basket before drying herself off with the only towel that hadn’t been sacrificed for the pipe. She shivered as she dragged the towel over her damp skin, her teeth chattering, desperate to be smothered in clothes again. Warmth was priority now so she decided on the dark grey fleece jogging bottoms and her bright yellow, with green detailing, Wallabies hoodie. The shiver was instinctive as her skin finally started to warm up again as she pulled on another pair of fluffy socks. She looked like a joke but she didn’t care, she was warm.

Fully dressed she trotted down the stairs excited for a steaming mug of black tea. Harry had never made her tea before, but hopefully he’d taken in how she liked it. Rae knew she wouldn’t call him out if he hadn’t. The progress they’d made in the last hour or so had Rae on walking on cloud 9 and she’d be damned if she did anything to go backwards again.

‘In here.’ Harry called from the living room as Rae wandered towards the kitchen. Harry was sat on the sofa, the same spot he always sat, closest to the door slightly hidden by the shadow of it despite the lamps and fairy lights he’d turned on. The fairy lights had been Rae’s addition and though the boys had all moaned about the idea at first they all turned them on the evenings when they were all there to sit in front of the TV and relax for a bit. ‘On the windowsill.’

‘Thanks.’ Rae smiled grabbing the mug, steam pouring out of the top of it. She closed her eyes and breathed in the steam before falling back into the sofa beside Harry. Her spot, since she’d arrived. She didn’t know who’s spot she might have stolen but no one seemed to mind or question or it so she continued to make herself comfortable at the other end of the couch from Harry. ‘So what have you been working on this afternoon?’

‘Oh just some coursework.’ Harry told her looking down into his own mug and rubbing his fingers against it. Rae was sure if his hands were free he’d have been toying with his fingers and fiddling with the rings he always wore.

‘How’s it going?’ Rae asked trying to appear nonchalant like it was just general chat and she wasn’t hanging on every word that he said because they were so rare. They felt like precious gems to her, to hold onto and keep safe cause who knew when you’d get more.

‘Yeah getting there.’ Harry hummed with a nod, still refusing to look up from his mug to Rae though she let her eyes creep over to him out of the corner as he spoke. Harry sighed and turned his head to her so suddenly that it made Rae look to him wide eyed. ‘It’s just so-’

‘I am home and I bare the ingredients for Chilli con Louis.’ Harry froze and looked back down at his mug, Rae resisting the urge to sigh. She didn’t know why, but she had the feeling they were on the edge of something that could break down the wall Harry seemed to have built between them before Louis made his entrance known.

It didn’t matter how Rae tried she couldn’t deny she had something inside her smouldering for Harry. She didn’t know what it was because they hadn’t interacted a whole lot and had certainly not spent much time alone, but even so she couldn’t help feeling the need to swallow on nothing when they did get any time alone, or the butterflies that started up inside her when he looked at her.

There was something in the back of her mind, that was telling her it had a lot to do with how he was always so soft. Even when he could have been annoyed with her he was gentle, even when he was squaring up to someone on her behalf, he was tender with her. There was a kindness in his eyes. Always something that looked like it was asking her to be patient and she knew she would be. She had a feeling she’d wait awhile for him, she just didn’t know why.

It was undeniable he was attractive. It didn’t matter how she tried there was no getting away from it, or how there were times she could have gone weak looking at him. But it was also obvious that there was so much more to the smouldering than that.

The evening passed in a blur of laughter, Grand Designs repeats and Chilli Con Louis. Rae stayed curled up on the couch, had her dinner brought to her and tea made for her regularly. She was treated like a princess all evening because she’d got a bit wet from a burst pipe. She knew there’d be perks of living with four boys, she hadn’t expected to be doted on hand and foot because of a minor disaster, but she could get used to it.

Niall had gone off to bed first, he had a mock exam the following morning and he wanted to be at his best. Louis had told Rae how that mentality wouldn’t last long with Niall and told her the story of how he’d gone to his last exam of first year on two hours of sleep and with a raging hangover. Liam had followed shortly after and lastly Louis. Harry was staying up for his politics show, and so was Rae.

In her mind she had a plan that he’d take himself off to bed before her so she could curl up on the sofa and not take his bed from him. It didn’t matter how much he reassured, she still didn’t feel comfortable using his bed. The yawning that seemed to be on a two minute loop, was giving her away and it was clear Harry wasn’t buying her ‘I’m not tired,’ story, cause really who would?

‘Go to bed.’ Harry insisted finally twisting his head to her.

‘No, I’m fine.’ Rae told him, shaking her head with, what she hoped was, a convincing smile.

‘You’re a really bad liar.’ Harry told her. ‘What is it? You still don’t want to take my bed? The sheets are clean.’ Rae laughed as Harry blushed slightly, thought it went unnoticed in the darkness of the living room.

‘Don’t be stupid, I just feel bad kicking you out of your bed, I’ll just sleep here.’ She insisted curling further into the sofa.

‘No you won’t.’ Harry said with a defiance she hadn’t heard from him before. ‘Come on.’ Harry turned the telly off. ‘I’ll take you up there myself.’ Rae was a little taken aback by the confidence he was showing. She had no idea how hard and fast his heart was beating in his chest and how his hands were shaking, but she did know her own heart was going a mile a minute.

‘Harry.’ Rae groaned. ‘Your politics show.’

‘Ah it’s boring tonight, come on, get up.’ Harry stood from the sofa and turned to look at Rae. There were a few seconds of nothing, Rae looking up at Harry and Harry looking back down at her, their eyes holding onto one another until Rae sighed and gave in, standing from the couch as well. Rae didn’t miss the proud, dimply smile that graced Harry’s face as she did so and she waited for him to lead the way.

Harry did so, Rae pulling the living room door shut before following Harry up the stairs, and then up again to his room. She’d never been all the way up there. She’d shouted up to him when she was cooking and dinner was ready, or if she was going out or when she got home, but she’d never actually been up there. The nervous fizz she was feeling was unprecedented, she knew that, but it didn’t go away even so.

After opening the bedroom door and turning on the light, Harry stood aside to let Rae in. He had his hands tucked up inside the sleeves of his jumper, the same one he’d been wearing all evening, cream and a thick knit. It looked warm and homely and Rae found herself wanting to be tucked up in it. She saw the way he folded his fingers over one another, in the nervous, habitual way he did. It was all so endearing to her and as she took in his room, she felt the same.

The desk was home to a clutter of art materials, paints, some left open some stacked into a box, a pallet that hadn’t been washed up and paper everywhere, some where he’d clearly tested out colours and some that he’d done work on. He was quick to tidy them away into one of the wooden boxes stacked up, like an in tray of his art. Harry made light work of putting everything in its place while Rae scanned the room quickly. A stack of vinyl records sat next to the player, candles half burned and their jars blackened littered the room. The bed was half made, not properly, but the duvet was pulled up to the pillows and it looked cosy.

‘Erm yeah.’ Harry mumbled his hands back in his sleeves, swinging his arms by his side as he stood in the corner watching Rae look over his things. She had a smile on her face that made him not mind as much as he normally might. ‘So make yourself comfortable, erm yeah, there’s erm.’ Rae could tell he was nervous but she knew, from experience, telling him to calm down would only make it worse so waited patiently and didn’t look at him expectantly, just waited for him to say what he wanted to say. ‘There’s blankets in that box if you want them.’ He pointed at the large wooden box at the end of the bed, his other hand raising to hold the back of his neck.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ Rae asked again with soft eyes and a gentle look in them as she turned to him at last. Harry shook his head, the corners of his mouth lifting just enough so she could see.

‘Not at all, honestly, make yourself at home.’ Harry reassured taking steps back towards the door. ‘I’ll turn this off, sleep well.’ Harry tuned the main light off, leaving just the bedside lamp on, that had been on before they came upstairs Rae guessed.

‘You too, thank you Harry.’ Rae grinned and Harry returned. She felt her heart flutter with it, the way his cheek dimpled and the corners of his eyes creased with it.

As the door closed Rae sighed and eyed the bed, it did look cosy and comfortable and just what her tired head wanted. She pulled the duvet back tentatively and slid in underneath it before kicking off her jogging bottoms so that she was wearing just her hoodie and underwear before she lowered herself against the pillows. Rae turned the bedside light off and got comfortable, pulling the duvet over her, the soft fabric of it surrounding her as well as the musky scent of Harry that it was drowned in.

It drowned her too, but in the best way. It settled her comfortably and Rae found she fell asleep the easiest she had done in a while.

++

Harry stood outside his bedroom door, his brow the slightest bit damp from anxious sweat. His palms stung from how much he’d been digging his fingernails into them. His throat was dry despite his relentless swallowing. He was going to be late for uni if he didn’t just go in, get what he needed and get out. He knew that but it only made him more frustrated, made him more anxious, and made his eyes almost sting with a threat of tears.

He was biting his teeth together hard, his jaw aching from the pressure. Anxiety rolled around inside him like vicious tidal waves threatening to drown him. It didn’t matter how much he told himself Rae was fast asleep inside, it didn’t help. He couldn’t find it in himself to believe it enough to go in. The possibility she was wide awake was too much.

‘Are you coming or not? I’m gonna be late.’ Harry heard Liam call and Harry groaned loudly, though not loud enough for Liam to hear, raking his fingers through his hair, frustrated with himself more than anything else.

‘Yeah two seconds.’ Harry called back and that was it. He barged the door open and there she was, fast asleep. Harry breathed out a slow breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, the sight of her curled up in his bed, asleep, strangely calming to him. She’d helped herself to a blanket from the box and had it pulled over herself as well as his duvet.

His duvet.

Harry noticed her jogging bottoms in a pile on the floor and that bought a slight blush to his cheeks and refocused him on what he was there for. The sunflower from yesterday. It was where he’d left it. Tucked in the box for his uni work, the one below was scraps of paper with colour tests on them, the one above for work he did for himself when he got the chance. He pulled it from the box and grabbed his sketch book, sticking the small square of paper inside and turning back.

‘You ok?’ He nearly jumped from his skin as Rae stirred and turned over to face him. Her voice was groggy and she rubbed the heel of her hands at her eyes as she adjusted to the light coming in from the ceiling.

‘Yeah just had to grab this,’ Harry explained holding up the sketch book in his hands. ‘Sorry didn’t mean to wake you.’ He mumbled walking slowly back towards the door as Rae sat up and rubbed her hands over her face, blinking a few times as she woke up.

‘It’s ok, do you want me to go?’ Rae asked looking at him. She looked so sleepy and comfortable, completely relaxed. Harry shook his head wildly at her hoping she couldn’t see the way his eyes focused on her and lingered over her sleepy form.

‘No, stay, sleep, it’s fine I’m off to uni won’t be back for a while.’ He reassured ferociously, wide eyes and frantic head shaking.

‘Ok, well have a good day.’ Rae smiled falling back into the pillows, Harry not missing the little smile on her face that only forced a smile onto him too.

‘You too Rae.’ Harry sighed as he closed the door again behind him. There was a warm, chilled out feeling inside him that he’d carry around all day, but would make him feel lighter. It came from seeing Rae so easy in his bed sheets, seeing her in the first moments of her day, hair wild, completely make up free, eyes heavy from the remainders of sleep but still unbelievably beautiful. He wished he had the confidence to do more than answer her questions and have a regular back and forth conversation with her. He wished he had the confidence to make seeing her like that every morning a possibility.

What do we think? They’re cute no? Poor Harry’s so shy, do you think he’ll break out of his shell? I’d love to hear your thoughts on him and Rae and the story, and what you think will happen.

Thank you for all the love on this so far, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you seem to have enjoyed the last two!

As always, all the love and thanks and hugs to @cuddlemusclestyles and @harrysmeadow for putting up with me endlessly losing my mind over this fic and helping me get over the bumps. Literally, and I mean that literally, would not be able to post this without them!

Enjoy xx

[paniccord-ff]

47.

Swallowing hard, I froze in the position feeling my erection leave me “what are you doing?” Rylee asked me while looking behind her, maybe if I keep going my dick will start to get hard again. Slowly going in and out but it was too late, my erection was gone. It was so gone that it slipped out of her “fuck” I said in a whisper, looking down at my now soft dick “really?” Rylee turned around falling onto her back “it is me isn’t it? I am just not attractive for you anymore” shaking my head “no, never that. It’s not that” Rylee’ lower lip quivered “please don’t cry” holding her arm but she snatched it away from me “fuck you, don’t touch me” she got up from the bed but kicked me right in my crotch “fuck!” falling onto the bed holding my dick “oh my god, why!?” I whined “to think I sucked your dick in my grandma’s house and then you wasn’t man enough to tell me you wasn’t turned on by me!” she spat, all I could feel is pain. Placing my face into the pillow screaming out “asshole” hearing the door slam shut.

Slowly pulling my sweatpants up, sitting down on the edge of the bed. My morning went from bad to worse, we had no Royalty so why not have sex, but my dick would not obey, it’s not even Rylee. It’s me, I just have so much on my mind but if I tell Rylee that then I might as well give away the whole damn surprise. I am not enjoying Barbados, shit is just too hectic for me and I don’t want to say anything. I will feel bad because this is her family’s home but I feel so enclosed, like I can’t go anywhere. People have been in and out of this home, I can’t even relax without pictures being taken. I want to be normal but I can’t, this place has never had a famous person here because they do not know how to act. My unhappiness is affecting my whole performance in bed and this is not good, I just want to go home.

I will now have to put up with Rylee, she will be angry with me but I need to see if Royalty is ok. I don’t want nobody to kidnap her, that is the last thing I need. Reaching the last step and just like clockwork, a house full of people. Turning the corner and seeing Royalty, I feel at peace now. Smiling at her, placing my hand on her head “silly butt” walking off into the kitchen area, walking by some lady “he is awake” she said, this is what I have to hear every morning, I know I am awake. Rylee is sat eating her breakfast “you want some?” Rose asked, shaking my head. I am just going to go out for a blunt, I need it. I have not had a blunt for breakfast in so long, I don’t want to go backwards but I feel it. There is nowhere you can hide here, seeing the gate on the other end of the back yard that leads to the beach, I guess that is where I will have my blunt.

Closing my eyes blowing out the smoke, that feels so good “Chris” I jumped at Harvey’ voice, squinting my eyes looking up at him “can I sit?” nodding my head “no need to put the blunt out, it’s ok” he sat down on the beach next to me “you don’t seem happy? A man with a thousand demons dragging you down, what’s wrong?” I shrugged “I appreciate you have a big family here, your side of family will be big but my side won’t be much at the wedding. Shit is embarrassing, hand on my heart I miss my mom but I love Rylee. I love your daughter so much, I just have a lot on my mind that I don’t feel I am me. I don’t appreciate being stared at, making me sing all the time. Shit is just not cool, I came here because Rylee wanted to come. I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t want to be here, I want to just get married. You know what, I don’t even know what I want right now” looking over at Harvey, he stared at me not saying a word “you don’t want to marry my daughter?” licking my lips “I don’t know what I want” looking away from Harvey, he got up to go back inside but I hope I haven’t upset him.

I hope Mijo picks up his phone “you lucky I like you” he mumbled down the phone “I need to talk to you bro” I just feel life has been sucked out of me, I feel so enclosed and way out of my depth “I’m listening” sighing out “I want to run away from my shit man” rubbing the top of my head “you did this with Royalty, you can’t run away. Why do you want to run away? You have everything going for you” swallowing hard “I have these thoughts in my mind, I need to just go. I can’t be here, this is not me. I am just not built for this, the only person to know me is my mom and she knows it. She knows I don’t do normal” Mijo let out an oh “does she know you? Bruh, are you relapsing? What is it? If you run then you will be going back to that dark place again, don’t let your mind overrule your heart. Fight it, come on Chris. You need to fight this” I could just walk off right now “I’m having a son” I blurted out “oh wow, really? Congratulations, a mini you” I cringed at that “better than me, won’t be crazy as me anyways” I pray none of my kids have anything I have “so you want to walk away from your daughter, your son and your fiancé? I will not be the person you cry too because I told you so, nigga you will lose everything. You have so much happening and I think you are overwhelmed, just step back. Speak to Rylee” I snorted laughing “she is angry with me because my dick went limp” Mijo busted out laughing “you can’t fuck anyone when you feel like this, your woman is a ride or die nigga. Get speaking, don’t call me” he has a point.

I feel so high, morning blunts always fuck with my mind. Widening my eyes walking into the living area, as always it is so packed. Standing in the corner, leaning my back against the wall. I must have been out there for a while, everyone has eaten and I swear Rose was just starting to make food “what made you want my cousin Chris?” I have had this question so many times “me?” I pointed at myself “who else” her cousin said laughing Blake walked over to me “you’re so fucked right now nigga” Blake nudged me laughing “I’m not, I am really not. I just realised that life might be good” nodding my head smiling “how many did you have?” I shrugged “oh yeah, Rylee hated me I liked it. I think, where is the food though?” I got the munchies.

Watching Chris walk into the kitchen “I think we need to give Chris space, shall we go out” my dad said, what is even Chris’ problem to be doing this with my family here “come on, let’s leave them alone” he couldn’t even get his dick hard, like I did so much to get his dick hard but nothing “go and speak to Chris, go make him some food and speak to him” why is my dad telling me this, Chris can speak for himself “come on, everyone out” getting up from the couch “Royalty, stay here. Don’t take her” I rather I know she is safe with us “Blake did you give him weed?” he shrugged “he is a grown adult, you better go and get him before he hurts himself” I am so annoyed with him, Royalty held my hand “shall we go and help daddy make some food” he has been so weird this whole journey here, he has not been right at all and I am worried now.

Chris ate so much, he didn’t say anything to me besides going to sleep and then said thanks. Now he is asleep, I don’t understand what happened from LA to here. Did I do something, does my family know something that I don’t. I have cleaned the kitchen and now I am just waiting for him to wake up, Royalty and him both fell asleep. I feel like my family know something, does this make me a bad wife that I didn’t know this thing everyone knows, I don’t know. I am so confused now, sitting on the edge of the bed. Touching the side of Chris’ face watching him sleep, I know something is bothering him but he would say everything is fine but he has been so weird with everything. I want to make him feel better, I care about him so much. He is my little baby, I feel so sad now because I must have neglected him but everything is so stressful with a two-year-old around.

Is it weird that I have literally just watched him sleep, I am glad there is some movement from him now. Watching Chris rub his eyes, clearing his throat as he did “Chris” I said lightly “huh” he looked in shock “I want to speak to you, please come down. I have been waiting” getting up from the chair, I will let him gather himself. Making my way down the steps, looking down at my phone seeing Mark’ name. I wonder what he wants, answering the call “hello Mark” making my way to the couch “how is the new face of Burberry?” laughing a little “erm, I am fine. It’s weird but I’m great, how are you?” sitting down on the couch “great, just wondering what Chris is doing with what I have sent him? What do you think to the idea? Pregnancy photoshoot?” my eyes widened in confusion “uhm, he said nothing to me. What shoot? Who for? Who wants a fat mess like me?” is he stupid, Mark laughed aloud “fat mess? I think not, you are so beautiful pregnant. Well tell Chris to hurry up and speak soon” he disconnected the call “hey” Chris said, placing my phone down at the side of me, sitting back in the couch “hey” Chris sat down but away from me.

At least he is not high Chris anyways “I am hungry again” he sat down saying “I will make you some food soon but right now we need to talk, I feel like my family know something I don’t when I should be the one to know you Chris. I am hurting here, hurting to know that something is wrong. Everything seems so off, I ask you and you tell me you’re fine but clearly not so please Chris, please talk to me” if he says he is fine I think I will go crazy “I have just been thinking too much, I am trying to fight this” he mumbled “on your own? You’re not on your own Chris you have me, I told you this. All your life you had to fight this but now you don’t, I care, I want you. I want to be here for you Chris” Chris shuffled off the couch a little, sitting on the edge of the couch “this is meant to be a break away for you, you wanted to come here but I am ruining it” he rubbed his hands together “I did want to come here, come here with you but you’re unhappy and you’re not telling me why” he fell silent staring at his hands, I wish he would just tell me.

He rubbed the side of his head looking away from me shaking his head “I was thinking of running away, I wanted to run away. I don’t think I can do this, any of this. I am not built to be loved, to be a husband. For people to rely on me, you don’t deserve for me to be so bipolar that you don’t know my mood. I wanted to go because my mind wanted that” I felt my heart ache, to hear those words from him “I just felt like walking because I can’t deal” feeling my eyes well up “walk away from me? Is it me?” my voice broke “it’s not you, it’s me. It’s how I work, I run away from shit when I can’t deal. I just wanted to get away, I don’t feel I am me and I wanted to go. I am not running away from you but the situation, the words, the hurt, the feeling. I want it to just stop, I want to be happy but I don’t feel it. So many people just telling me things and I feel like my mind is going to explode if I hear someone say it’s Chris Brown, I know who I am and I hate it. You wanted to know so there is that, I am sorry I am not perfect” flicking the tear that fell.

Sniffling seeing that broken man again, the very same man I saw when she upset him on Christmas “I don’t want you perfect, I just got hurt to know you wanted to walk away from me. You just never speak, I cannot read your mind. I can see your body language had changed but that is it. I am or was annoyed about Vegas, and you still ain’t said anything. And then the whole sex thing really pushed me, but how am I supposed to know, I just felt worthless that was it, have you spoken to your mom? Chris, for you I will bite my tongue and have her around. See the difference with me and her is I will do it for you, if you want me to speak to her then I will” Chris shook his head “I just want to make shit right for you and your birthday, my mom is far gone but I am hurting. I am fighting this and I will soon, just give me time. I promise you Rylee, I promise you that I will love you so much, I just don’t want to disappoint you” shaking my head in disbelief “you don’t disappoint me, I just want you to talk to me. You being this way doesn’t put me off, people want me to give up on you but that would never happen. I am too in love with you” that is the truth “I love you too, I only got you now” smiling at Chris “and I want to make you happy, I want to help you when you are thinking such things. Like you said, I hated you but now I adore you” I don’t want to see him suffer.

Zipping the suitcase “what will your family think if we go?” Chris asked me “then I don’t care, you said you wanted to go so we are Chris. I do not want to see you sad, you mean more to me then what my grandma thinks. It’s too much for you, you have too much on your mind and you don’t need the headache. I understand you baby, it’s fine” Chris and I are staying in a hotel with Roro of course, I do not really care what anyone thinks because he comes first. I may have come here to get away from the mess but he is still thinking of it “pick the suitcase off for me” turning around “Royalty, have you got your things together?” I hope she has anyways “where are you both going?” hearing my grandma say “hotel, we need some space. I don’t care what you say, I need to go” I will eventually get more out of him when we are alone too.

[ancientbooshartifacts]

The Morning After The Night Before (Plus The Night Before The Morning After)

Author: IzzytheSkittle

Year: 2008

Rating: R

Pairing: Mike/Dave

Oh fuck. Oh Fuck. Oh, God I’m so fucked.

Dave didn’t normally get so drunk that he couldn’t remember how he’d got home, but apparently last night had been different. Very different. In fairness, it had been the last night of the tour, there was lots of steam to be let off. But he hadn’t meant to get totally pissed. Everyone had kept offering him drinks, he kept offering others drinks. There had been no hope from the start. At least he thought that was what had happened. He really couldn’t remember. Walking down the street, he tried to find the thoughts that would tell how he had ended up on Mike’s couch. With Mike. There had been alcohol, lots of it; that much he did know. He could vaguely remember the first hour in a pub, but after that it was hazy. Very hazy. His last memory was discussing going to a club, but after that, nothing. Had they gone to the club? What time had he gone back to Mike’s? Why the fuck had he gone back to Mike’s, anyway?

There had been a table… People around the table… He had been one of them. Rich, Julian, Noel, Dee, Sue, Nige, some others he couldn’t remember, and Mike. Oh God, Mike. He’d been sitting next to Mike… Drinking… Talking… Laughing with Rich… Laughing with Nige… Talking to Dee… Talking to Mike. God, Mike. Someone had suggested a game… a drinking game… Like spin the bottle… No more like truth or dare… Being dared to ask out a random woman… She’d said no (thank God)… Rich being dared to strip�� More drinking… The game continued, getting more and more ridiculous… He’d done so many dares they were all one big blur… Then he’d picked truth… Noel asked… Something; can’t remember… Something, about Mike… No, it was that ridiculous, age old question ‘Who do you fancy?’

Mike. The answer was Mike. Please God, don’t have answered. But he had been so drunk; he would almost certainly have told the truth. Whilst sitting next to Mike.

His mobile ringing almost caused him to jump in front of a car. Knowing it wouldn’t be good he retrieve it from his pocket. Of course it was going to be Noel. As long as he didn’t remember last night, Dave would be fine.

‘Did you sleep with my brother?’

Shit. He’d remembered. Clearly only Dave had drunk the whole bar.

‘I’m not sure.’ He replied, after a moment.

‘What do you mean 'not sure'? You either did or didn’t.’

Dave took a deep breath, turning into a small café and gesturing for a coffee.

‘I can’t remember.’

He heard Noel sigh on the other end.

‘Where are you now?’

‘In a café.’

‘Why aren’t you at home?’

‘I was walking home and stopped here.’

‘Why? Where did you wake up?’

Dave prepared himself for the tornado.

‘At Mike’s.’

A pause, and then;

‘YOU WHAT? I swear to God Dave, you better watch out, ‘cause next time I see you, I’m going to kill you.’

Dave ran a hand through his hair. He was sure he looked a mess, but right now he was trying to think up a way of calming Noel down. He couldn’t think of any.

‘Have you spoken to him this morning? Or did you just leave?’

Ah He saw right through what Dave was trying to hide.

‘You coward Dave. I promised myself that if you did anything to hurt him; I’d rip your eyes out their sockets. You just signed your own death warrant, mate.’

Dave didn’t say anything, just heard Noel sigh again.

‘Where are you? I’ll come talk.’

-

Twenty minutes and Noel was sitting opposite Dave, nursing a steaming cup of tea. Neither of them had said a word to each other since the phone call. Predictably, it had been Noel who broke the not-so-quiet silence.

‘Why did you do it?’

‘I was drunk, I can’t even remember doing it.’

‘No, I mean, why did you leave, this morning?’

Dave sighed into his third cup of coffee.

‘I got scared.’

He finally made eye contact with Noel, who had been watching him the whole time.

‘What do you mean scared? Scared of what? He likes you, you like him. Everything would have been fine.’

‘No it wouldn’t. I woke up not remembering how I’d got where I was. I didn’t know what had happened. I didn’t know I’d told everyone I liked Mike. I didn’t know he liked me back… Hang on, he likes me?’

Noel nodded, taking another sip of the almost cold drink.

Dave sat back in his chair, trying to process the information.

‘Oh God. Are you sure?’ Another nod, ‘Bloody hell.’

Noel waited for a moment, wondering what Dave was going to do next.

‘Erm, Dave, are you gonna just sit here, or do you maybe think you should go find Mike?’

‘What? Oh yeah, Mike. Fuck. Mike. Go find him. Yeah.’ Dave mumbled, downing the last of his coffee, grabbing his coat and stumbling out the door. Noel just sat there smiling; ordered another drink and a muffin.

-

‘So Dave, will it be truth or will it be dare?’

‘Hmm… Truth I think.’ Dave slurred, nursing another pint.

‘A good truth for Dave. Any suggestions?’

Noel’s voice was playful, and his gaze was meaningful. Dave knew this was his twisted form of revenge. Revenge for when Dave, over ten years ago, had snogged Noel’s girlfriend. He’d been waiting for the right opportunity, and finally it had come.

No one replied to him. They knew it would be pointless to suggest anything, as Noel clearly had something planned.

‘Oh, how about the classic. Dave Brown, pray tell,’ Noel paused. Dave hoped to hell it wasn’t the one question he didn’t want to answer; couldn’t answer, not in front of Noel. Or Mike.

‘Who. Do. You. Fancy?’

Each word was emphasised. Dave felt his stomach drop. Everyone was looking at him. Then it hit him. Shit. They know. He was determined not to tell the truth. But even as he thought that, he couldn’t help but quickly glance at Mike. Noel sat back in his chair, folding his arms and looking smug. Nige looked vaguely surprised, but no where near as much as Mike. Well done, Dave. You’ve really done it now. It worried him how… accepting everyone seemed to be. As if they’d been waiting forever for this moment.

‘Well,’ Noel said, clapping his hands together and standing up, ‘Were off. See you around.’

He was looking straight at Dave, but everyone else picked up the hint, made there farewells and quickly departed.

Before he left, Nige leant in to Dave, and whispered ‘Talk to him.’ Noel followed him out, winking and grinning at Dave.

That left Dave feeling embarrassed, and Mike shocked. Neither of them could bring themselves to speak, both unsure of what the other was thinking.

‘Is it true?’

Mike spoke up eventually, fixing his gaze on Dave, studying his expression. Dave nodded, unable to find any words.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. Positive.’

Mike didn’t say anything. He looked away from Dave, bringing his almost empty glass to his lips.

‘You know,’ He said, after a few minutes, ‘I like you too.’

The air was much colder than Dave thought it would be. He cursed himself for not bringing a warmer coat. The walk to Mike’s seemed a lot longer than he remembered as well. After leaving the café he had sent Mike a text, telling him he was coming. And two streets away from his flat, he still didn’t have a reply. Either Mike was busy, possibly still asleep, or he was angry. Dave hoped it wasn’t the latter one.

After hammering on the door for almost five minutes he still hadn’t got an answer. He paused, listening for sounds of life. There was no sound of the shower going, or even of the radio playing, so Dave could only assume he was being ignored.

He resumed his knocking for a couple of minutes, before stopping again.

‘Please, Mike. Please open the door.’

‘…’

‘Come on. I want to talk to you.’

‘…’

‘Mike. Please.’

‘…’

Still no answer. He must be really pissed off.

Then suddenly, making Dave flinch, the bolt was pulled back and the door clicked open, just an inch.

‘What do you want?’

Mike’s voice sounded, ironically, so sweet to Dave, floating through the gap.

‘I want to talk to you. Please let me in.’

Dave heard footsteps moving away, but the door was still open, so he slipped in, closing it softly behind him.

Mike was in the living room, tucked up on the corner of the couch, knees to his chest, eyes staring at nothing. He looked so vulnerable and so hurt; it killed Dave to know he had done it to him. Dave moved to sit, tentatively, next to him.

‘Mike. Please.’

But the younger man didn’t move. Didn’t even bat an eyelid.

‘Please,’ He repeated, determined to get through to him, ‘I want to talk about this. I need you to understand.’

‘Ok then.’ Mike uncurled his body, turning to stare at Dave, ‘Convince me. I’m listening.’

Dave was very taken aback by Mike’s sudden outburst of life. ‘Convince you what? And also a little confused.

‘Convince me to forgive you. Convince me that I still like you. Convince me that everything’ll be alright. Convince me not to kill you.’

Dave was hurt by the clear venom in his voice. He didn’t mean to say what he did, but it seemed like the right opportunity.

‘Because I love you.’

Mike opened his mouth, as though to speak, but then closed it again.

‘Y-You what?’ He managed to stutter.

‘I do. I really do. I should have said something so long ago. But it doesn’t matter because I’m saying it now. I lo-’

Mike held up a hand, and Dave stopped short.

‘What?’ Dave asked, confused once again.

‘No Dave. That’s not how it works. You can’t just tell me you love me and expect everything to be better. Not after what you did.’

‘Mike, please-‘

‘No Dave. I don’t want to talk, alright? You were the one who ran off and left. I actually cared about you, but you couldn’t even stick it out for the morning.’

‘It’s not like that. It really isn’t. I do care about you. So much so it actually hurts. I used to pray that you felt the same. I used to wish I had the guts to tell you, but I never did. Last night was everything I’ve wanted, and more. You have to understand, Mike. You have to listen. You have to realise I was scared. I was so scared you were going to wake up and regret it. And I couldn’t live with that.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I couldn’t remember a thing.’ Both their voices had risen without them realising. ‘I couldn’t remember how I had got here. I didn’t know what was actually going on between us. And it scared me.’

Mike’s expression softened as he watched Dave.

‘Do you remember it all now?’

‘Yes. Oh God yes.’

And it was true. He could remember the taste of Mike’s lips against his. The feel of Mike’s skin on his touch. The sensation of Mike underneath him. The emotions as they finally admitted everything. In such a pleasurable way.

‘Good.’

And that was all Mike said, before he reached up, pulled Dave down and there lips met. It was like fireworks and explosions and every other romantic cliché in the book, plus a few more things that should defiantly be in there. It was soft and demanding at the same time. Dave put an arm around Mike’s waist; holding him closer, protectively.

‘I’ll never leave you. Ever again.’ Dave whispered against Mike’s mouth, running his hands all over his body.

‘Not even to shower?’ Mike replied cheekily, pulling away just a fraction.

‘Especially not to shower.’

Mike grinned, and then they were kissing again. Even more passionately. Wanting to get even closer to each other than humanly possible. Mike swung a leg over Dave, so he was straddling his lap. Dave moaned as Mike pushed his crotch against his own. It was fantastic. Suddenly, it was a fumble to remove clothes. Simultaneously they undid each others buttons, craving skin on skin contact, throwing the offending items to the floor. Then it was the trousers. Mike’s belt was done so tightly Dave could barely get his fingers round it. Mike was so heated up he was fumbling with Dave’s fly. Once it was finally undone, Mike discarded them with the shirts. He settled himself back on Dave’s lap, both of them now only wearing boxers, but Dave was stronger, and managed to wrap his arms around Mike, manoeuvring him to be lying on the couch, so Dave was on top.

‘Fuck, you’re gorgeous.’ Dave whispered, his eyes running up and down the small body.

‘You’ve only just noticed?’

Dave decided there was only one way to wipe the smug smile from that beautiful face. He brought Mike in for a deep kiss, brining their slightly clad crotches together. Mike moaned into Dave’s collar bone. Neither of them heard the front door open, but they both noticed when Noel walked in and swore.

Dave jumped up, reaching to the floor, and pulling his trousers back on. Mike didn’t move; just looked at his brother.

‘You know, this is my house. You really should knock.’

‘This isn’t a house,’ Noel replied, trying to sound venomous but giving it away by grinning. ‘It’s a slum. Look at it. Have you ever tidied up?’

Mike shot him a filthy look before sitting up and leaning against the now sat down Dave.

‘Can we help you?’

‘I was actually coming to check you hadn’t murdered this guy?’ He jabbed a thumb in Dave’s general direction, but managed to point more at the potted plant in the corner.

‘What can I say? I made it up to him. I’m irresistible.’ Dave grinned, winking at Noel.

‘Clearly.’ Noel replied, sounding vaguely displeased, but with that familiar smile playing at his eyes, ‘I’ll leave you two to your games shall I? Don’t get up I’ll let my self out.’

‘You know I love you too, Dave, don’t you?’ Mike muttered into Dave’s shoulder, once Noel had gone.

‘I do now.’

Dave smiled, wrapping a strong arm around Mike, and pressing a gentle kiss to his mouth.

‘Good.’ Mike said again, moving so he was straddling Dave once more, and began the process of removing his trousers.

‘We really should tidy up though.’ Dave whispered his voice deep and heavy.

‘Yeah later.’ Mike replied, allowing himself to be kissed, deep and passionately.

Dave knew he had no intention of cleaning. Not yet.

[mairzymarzipan]

1 and 2

Hey wow I finally got some character descriptions for these guys.  Took me long enough...maybe too long for Dudley.

Alright.  So, they were both acknowledging that this was happening.  Dudley supposed it would be kind of impossible to do otherwise- especially for Dudley.  He leaned into the mirror and looked long and hard at his- his shade.  His face.  What his face was, all of a sudden.  He carefully walked his fingers along the bottom rim.  He found he could turn his head with his fingers, and his eyesight went with it.  He turned his head all the way back so he could see Travis non-reflected.

“I see you!”

Travis’s tone was a bit paler, and his brow was glistening, and Dudley felt bad, so he put his head back.  It didn’t hurt or anything.  There was a little but a screech of metal on glass as he turned it, but it wasn’t too grating.  Huh.  Dudley wondered if he could take his shade off but also didn’t want to experiment with Travis here.

A pressure on his arm- Travis was grabbing it, “Hey!” Dudley said.

He was pulled out of the bathroom, through the office, and into the small hall.  Travis was not a particularly fast man, but he was strong- rich in muscle up in his arms, with a nonexistent neck.  When he got so momentum, he was hard to stop.  So really, Dudley couldn’t stop him, only ask, “Where are we going?”

“To the hospital, bud.”

“Wha- wait?”  That word infused Dudley with some kind of burst of strength, because he fought himself from Travis’s grasp and retreated back to the office door frame.  “Hospital?  There’s no need to go there!”

Travis’s lips pinched- he clearly had not been prepared for Dudley just, resisting him, physically.  He sighed, “Dudster, your head is a lampshade.”

“Yes; I noticed.”

“You need to be seen.”

Dudley crossed his arms, “You can see me just fine.”

“By a doctor, D!”

Dudley turned around and calmly walked back into the bathroom.  He turned the hanging light off because there was no need to have both light bulbs on.  He stared at himself in the mirror, earnestly.

Travis appeared in the doorframe, “Dudley!”

Dudley tapped his fingers on the bottom of the sink.  “I’m fine, Trav.  I’m really fine.”

“Dudley!  Look at you!”

“I am!  Look, Travis, have you considered that- it will probably just go away in a few minutes?  I mean, going to the hospital is probably a waste of time.  It’ll snap back when we’re halfway there, and then what?  We’ll be in some dingy subway car heading to nowhere.  No way!  I don’t want to waste my afternoon like that.”

Travis’s eyes narrowed, “D, how do you know it’ll go away?  This has never happened to a person before.”

“Ugh, how do you know?  Listen Trav, I’m a pretty boring guy.  I don’t think things that happen to me are things that never happened to people before.  Just doesn’t make sense.”

“You are making no sense, D.”

“I’m making all the sense.”

“And how are you going to do your business with a lampshade as a face?  How are you going to go to auctions and negotiations and the like?”

Dudley snapped his fingers and turned, “Better, actually!  My old face was too distracting-”

“And this one isn’t?”

“Let me finish!  My old face was too distracting.  Old ladies always wanted to pinch it and people always wanted to kiss it,” he was exaggerating of course, but his face always elicited a certain reaction.  With his straight, thin nose, his dark faraway eyes, his regal cheekbones and his soft fluffy black hair, many people saw in him some sort of ideal.  An ideal husband or an idea son in law or an ideal hero for a painting.  It was a shame, he was told, for such a handsome young man not to be married- especially now that he was doing so well in life.  Dudley chuckled it off, because it was too hard to explain that he just, didn’t want to share his life.  Not like that.

Travis transferred his weight from one foot to another, “My question still stands, D.”

“Well, yanno,” Dudley shrugged, “this is Boston.  There are only a few real lookers, and solid shit-ton of ugly mugs.  What’s another ugly mug?”

Travis opened his mouth, then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Fuck.  Now I can’t stop picturing you with a coffee cup for a head.”

“If that were the case, I’d be sad, because I couldn’t do this,” he turned his switch, flicking his own light on and off.  Dudley realized how amused he was with this whole thing.  It was ludicrous, and kind of funny.  How was it that he could turn himself on and off?  He wasn’t even plugged in!  Did Dudley have wiring inside his flesh?  Come to think of it, how did his flesh fuse with his lampshade head?  Everything up to his shoulder was still the same- still warm, and still flesh.  But his neck popped out from between his clavicles all stiff and narrow.  Not that stiff, though- he could still turn it.  

“Dudley, how are you going to eat?”

“Eat?”  Dudley blinked a couple of times, and he felt the bottom of his lampshade.  Well, OK, that was a conundrum.  Dudley had eyes but no mouth.  Actually...

“Hey, Trav, how do you think it is I can hear?  And I can still smell, too, now that we’re on the subject.  And how the fuck am I talking?”

Ting!

Hey, there was that noise again!  “Travis, did you hear-”

Travis?

Travis was standing over him.  Travis was only 5’3” to Dudley’s 5’11”, so that wasn’t usual.  But there had been times when Dudley had been sitting in a chair or taking a nap or, most usually, sprawled out across the floor inspecting the text alignment of some rare book.  

Right now, Dudley was still standing, though.  

Travis looked like he wanted to explode.  Not in the sense of being angry, but literally- explode in all directions from terror.  And Dudley’s face only came up to his thigh.  

“Oh, no.  Oh, fuck.  Oh, shit oh shit oh fuck oh fuck,” Travis took his impromptu poetry into another room, and Dudley sort of swayed where he was, a little disoriented with how much the room had changed.  The sink was just a little higher than he was, and the hanging light bulb was impossible to reach.  Dudley turned himself on.  It was like walking into a whole other person’s bathroom- but one that was gut wrenchingly familiar.

He was tyke sized.

He was also naked!

Not quite naked, no.  True, his clothes were gone.  But he seemed to be wearing some kind of armor- a piece of metal fitted over his torso.  Dudley put his hands on this, and two things surprised him.

First was the sensation in the ‘armor’.  Similar the lampshade, it registered that Dudley’s hands were on it, and sent that message to Dudley.  Like, it was his torso.  A metal torso.

Second was his hands- they looked so different.  Flexible, like wire, and instead of having skin, some kind of coiled thread.  Only four digits splayed out from the center, and instead of a palm, he just seemed to have a certain kind of floppy star.  His fingers and arms were the same width, and were a dark blue color striped with white.

...Like the color of the lamp’s electrical cord.

Oh!  

That would explain why his fingertips were tipped with electrical prongs.  That made sense.

Only, it didn’t.  He wasn’t supposed to have to electrical cords, and were supposed to come out of his sides, and they were supposed to have two prongs- not four each!

Erm, that was, the lamp, not him.

That meant that the ‘armor’ was-

He tapped his fingers over his chest- over what felt like it should have been his chest.  It made a hollow ring.  Dudley actually shuddered a little because this meant that he, Dudley, was hollow.  Nothing inside him where organs should have gone.  

He put his hands to the side of his face again.  He had been wondering how his organs would pair with such an electrical head- well now he had an answer.  

His legs, emerging from his base, were similar.   They were very bendy and covered in coiled threads, except a bit wider than his arms.  He bent his knees or- did something with something.  He didn’t seem to have joints and he was worried it would be possible to tie his legs in knots.  He hopped a couple of times.  His legs supported his weight just fine.  They were long- about as long as the rest of his body, and his arms dangled at the halfway of his legs.  Overall, he was still a spindly fellow, just a very short one.  He was probably three feet tall, if he was lucky.

Dudley just paced that way- small, splindly, naked, a lamp, and his hands on the side of his head.  He paced a couple of times in the narrow bathroom the long way.  The bathroom was finally big enough to pace in, but still not big enough to pace in satisfactorily.  After a few times, he stopped and took a breath under the sink.  Or something like breathing.

This wasn’t the end of the world.  As he said before, he’d probably just pop back to normal in a minute.

He turned around.  Travis was in the open doorway, teeth slightly bared in consternation, “OK, Dudster, this time were are definitely going to the hospital.”

Dudley jumped at the word.  Oh, how he hated it.  He shook his shade, “No, Trav, we are not.  I’m telling you, this is just going to wear off.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Right.  Maybe it wouldn’t.  Dudley would have preferred if it did, but if it didn’t-

“Hmm,” he tapped his bottom brim, “well then, I guess I need to get some more step stools around here.  Or just get one with wheels, and roll it around everywhere.  Or!  I know!”  He snapped his fingers, making a little spark, “a library ladder!  You know, with the wheels, and they attach to the bookshelves?  I have always wanted an excuse to get one of those!”

Travis smacked his eyes, “Dudster, you cannot be serious.”

“Well,” Dudley said, “I’ll probably have to redesign the whole place to make the shelves curve, but I have the budget for it, I think.  But that does mean closing the shop for a while.  Shit.”

Travis lowered his hand, “Alright.  That’s it,” he picked up Dudley gingerly, like a child, and swung him over his shoulder, “You’re going whether you like it or not.”

[calypsoff]

Fourteen.

Taking my phone back from Barry “that is dope, so the song is called Diamonds? It sounds nice” nodding my head smiling, Robyn has been sending me pictures and random videos of her on set, the song is so nice “it’s going to be big, I know it. It goes like erm, so shine bright something night you and I we beautiful like diamonds in the sky. I heard it already, that song really stuck out to me and Pour it Up, my girl is so good man. So proud of her” looking down at the video that Barry just watched “I can tell, looking like a proud husband, how many times have you heard that song though? How the hell you remember lyrics?” locking my phone “erm that song I have heard about three times now, she kept playing it in the background of course, you know when they were doing the video. She looks so good, in the video that is” I do seem like a proud husband because I am, just that I am happy she is keeping me in the know but whoever was videoing her on set was funny, I think it’s her friend because they had the accent “so you excited to go to Cali?” nodding my head “yeah, I am going to be skyping my family to let them know the details, I can’t let them just find out randomly with whatever Robyn is up too. She said she is sending her jet to me, bro a jet!? A whole fucking jet, like I barely travel on a plane but a jet” Barry hit my shoulder “I want pictures bro, you fly high my brother. We will be here waiting for details” Barry dapped me, I love them both so much “it’s wild, but with Robyn telling me to not be so stubborn and let her, I am because I would really told her no, I will make it there somehow but it’s her thing, let her do it. But a jet? I am not ready for the rest of the shit; I am in Robyn’ care now. Usually she is here with me and I look after her, she is taking care of me which kind of scares me, she is a woman. I am the man, I got the money from the apartment I sold, insurance money so I am ok right now, like I got a lot to last me” Barryy nodded his head “it’s good to have your own money too, but I am excited. I am your hype man” I chuckled, I am excited right now, I think I have accepted her to just let her spoil me.

Placing my macbook on the bed and climbed onto my bed, let me skype my family. They are waiting they said, it’s literally a family meeting with them, I was going to sit at the desk but here is fine, I can relax. Tapping call on my laptop, tapping the side of my phone, Robyn has text me but I will text her back after “my baby! I thought you said you’re going to shave!?” I laughed “ma, I am. Today, don’t worry, how is you all? Don’t look at me, I am a mess right now. Just up late nights, getting things started, we posted our first set of clothing, now we just kind of push for it and wait. I am sure Tootie seen the post?” I pointed out “I did, it’s so you. The wolverine look is nice” picking my chin hair “be quiet, but how is Virginia?” I want to hear about them “fine son, we all feel happy. We were talking at dinner last night and we all feel at peace to know you are safe and at peace, we feared for you and we are happy over here. And I know there will be a time where the family will want to know you, son you were meant to be bigger than you are but yes, we are happy to see you happy. And smiling” I love my dad “yeah, I feel free. I can stand and do shit because I can, no worries at all so yeah. I know what you mean dad, I miss you all though, I really do” my mom cooed out “my baby boy, I love you so much and I cannot wait to hug you” smiling at my mother.

Listening to my mom just speaking on, I swear my mother loves a good story “what are you doing there anyways for work baby?” oh finally, I can speak “nothing right now, I am doing the clothing line. I have that money from the apartment, we good honestly. I am so happy, like besides the hair, I am happy” I chuckled “but the real reason I called this was, I am currently dating. I have been for two months now” my sister kissed her teeth “the fuck you making announcement for a girlfriend” my sister is not shit “can I get to the point!?” I spat, she rolled her eyes “I am currently dating Robyn, well I say currently I think it will be forever” I chuckled, looking at my family they are staring at me like I have lost my mind “no?” I am confused “baby you can date?” my mom said awkwardly “oh my god, I am dating Rihanna!” I spat, they all gasped “what!?” my sister shouted ever so loudly “yes I am dating Rihanna and it’s going to go public but I wanted you all to know first” my family are stupid “there is no way you are dating Rihanna?” my nephew said, he is cheeky “I am, we reconnected. I can prove it” my sister sniggered “go on then, you’re such a liar” all me and my sister do is go back and forth, but I will win this.

Turning volume down on my laptop so she doesn’t hear them, putting Robyn on speakerphone “yes poppa” I grinned “hey, I really just called to prove a point to my family” I thought I would tell the truth “what do you mean?” she is confused “Tootie doesn’t believe I am marrying you, wait no. Ignore that” my cheeks turned red “I mean we are dating” hiding my face in shame, I am so stupid “uh but you said marry? Really?” oh of course she picks up on that “uh, stop it. I am putting the phone down ok, I need too” I chuckled “I am not dropping that but ok, whatever you’re trying to prove, call me later” Robyn means it, she isn’t going to drop it either. Disconnecting the call, putting the volume back up on my laptop “is that my angel Robyn, her beautiful big hazel eyes. Oh my, you are dating her. How do you feel?” my mom is gushing, as she would “yeah but I wanted you to know first but please keep it between us, I pretty much have always loved her, but you know. She left, then she became a star. But I do love her” it just came out, just like that but I am comfortable with speaking on such things with my family, we a small family “I can tell you’re in love, wow. I am speechless, like you really dating her?” my sister repeated, nodding my head smiling “I can’t believe I said marry, man. I ain’t about to marry no woman” rubbing my face laughing “the way you are giggling you will be marrying her, damn. You go baby brother, you for real happy” let me fix myself “huh yeah, but on a real. I just want you to know first. It’s hard, I think I am hard on her and I feel it. Like I am not easy for her and I do feel bad but it’s just me, I’m not who I was when she met me then, but we give and take, we work together and yeah, I hope this doesn’t fuck up with what we are working with but it’s hard, on us both. And I have to see it, like I have these moments where I just snap, like she was jetting off to these places and took ages to come and see me” I grinned “Christopher she is so sweet, when she came to the home and you were playing your video games and not doing your school work, she would ask if I wanted to help in the kitchen, she is so kind. Don’t be mean to her, that is not you. Maybe it’s you, you feel small compared to her, to me she is just amazingly beautiful and is Rihanna, the name holds power but be appreciative of the time she can make for you” rolling my eyes shaking my head “it shouldn’t be that way, I wait weeks to get a day? Fit me between her schedule, I am a young man, and we have our needs, not being disrespectful but use your brain” my dad is so quiet “if you love a lady then sex wouldn’t phase you, her safety will be your first thought. Anything can happen son and putting your name out there that you are dating Rihanna comes with responsibility which is her name. It holds power like your mother said and you are going to gain some of that from her, treat her nicely and how you should” my dad spoke and clearly my family are team Rihanna.

That was eventful, what the fuck was going through my mind to say marry, it just flowed out so natural like I meant it. I feel so stupid now too, like what is she thinking with me saying that too “how did it go?” sitting down on the couch in a huff “great, it went better than it did. At first they did not believe me, they were thinking I was lying about it, I called Robyn and she answered. They are happy for me, they said I look happy and I am happy with that but like I said to Robyn Marry instead of something else, I am so dumb. But yeah” rubbing my head laughing “I would marry her tomorrow, how can you not want the baddest bitch in the game?” side eyeing Barry “don’t call her bitch bro, but that is because I am not seeing it for that, I am not going to jump because she is famous and beautiful. It’s not like that” these niggas don’t get it “I didn’t mean it in that way, but I am just saying, she is a beautiful lady” I sniggered “that is what I thought but I know what you meant, I just can’t have niggas being disrespectful towards her, goes to anyone but you two. I get it” my phone pinged in my hand “she is family bro, we would never” nodding my head in agreement, I understand them “why is this bitch tagging me in shit” tapping on the notification “who?” Barry asked “uhm” the picture popped up “Seiko” I mumbled “uhhh!” passing my phone to Barry “bro that is a scan picture” I don’t want to see what she is doing, I can’t. Barry took the phone me, I am not even going to entertain that “she has tagged you saying you’re going to be a daddy and she is three months pregnant” I got up from the couch “the bitch is lying” I pointed laughing “I don’t know what to say to you, she is pretty pregnant in this” this can’t be happening.

I am shaking right now but she is lying, I know she is lying “what you going to do?” Barry asked “I reported it and untagged you in the post” snatching my phone from Barry “I will push this bitch down some stairs, I don’t care” I need to relax but I can’t because she is planting a fucking baby on me “I believe you” Barry knows I would, tapping on Seiko’ name “I didn’t make her pregnant, she cheated on me. Which I don’t care but still” she answered with a laugh “oh hi” she is so smug for what “don’t, why did you tag me in that shit!?” I spat “if you don’t want to know the child then say, I understand Chris” I balled my fist up “I don’t want kids! I never do want them, the fuck!? You knew this, I will come there and push you down some stairs Seiko, I am not a fucking dad of nothing” Barry stood next to me, he is trying to tell me to calm down, but I can’t, she is trying to ruin my fucking life right now “just pay for it, I don’t care for the rest” she put the phone down on me, staring at Barry “could it be yours?” Barry asked “no, I used condoms, a hundred percent. Now if Robyn told me she was I wouldn’t be shocked because we go raw, this bitch is lying” this can’t be happening, I feel like an anxiety attack is happening again, man what the fuck “there is that chance Chris, are you sure” Barry grabbed my shoulders “I am not crying” I said putting my head down, but this is making me sad, I can’t have this.

I am sad as fuck, from the conversation I had with my family and now this. I shed a few tears; this means I can’t be with Robyn like that. My dad is right, her whole name will be dragged down with me. A convict and now his ex-girlfriend pregnant but I know I didn’t, I know it’s not mine. I always was protected, I have to admit this to Robyn because I am not that kind of nigga to do that to her, I love her, and I can’t do that to her. I will just have to close off on her and say it won’t work, that way I can’t pain her by saying she is pregnant but how do I know it’s not mine, I know it’s not. Typing a text.

Seiko: Yu ruining a niggas life after everything I been through? I did nothing but be good to yu how yu going to do me like this I know it’s not mine Seiko! Don’t do this to me

Seiko didn’t text me back at all, she is now quiet but after creating that shit she expect me to be ok, I am laid out on my bed for a good hour now, I don’t know what to do. I have to prove the baby isn’t mine because it isn’t mine, I know it isn’t. We had sex before going to New York, I know that happened and that was it but then if she is what three months then it adds up but I wore a condom, it didn’t break or anything. I fucked up, I just. I can’t let Robyn go public with me at all with this, I will have to go cold on her and say it won’t work, I mean what else can I do. My phone pinged, grabbing it from the side of me, it had to Robyn right now when I wanted it to be Seiko, unlocking my phone to see Robyn’ message.

Twin: Facetime me now?

I sighed out rolling my eyes, I am not in the mood for facetime at all. I am emotional and I probably look like I have been crying.

Chris: Call me

I can’t believe this is happening to me right now, the thing is I need to prove it’s not mine but then I can’t actually go public with Robyn at all, that can’t happen because I don’t want to shame her like that, my phone rang out. I guess I better speak to her, I am going to be cold with her “poppa” I am a mess, this is a mess “hey” I mean I am not in the mood to speak “I have finished filming now, my family are coming to Cali for a while, I am excited but tired, I have been just planning so much for you. I am also worried…” Robyn spoke on and spoke on and all I could think of is that there is a slim chance I could be the father; I mean a very slim chance and I have ruined this “Chris!” Robyn shouted “what!?” I shouted back; she broke my thought “why are you shouting me?” I huffed out “you shouted at me?” which she did “because you aren’t paying attention to me, no need to be angry with me” getting up off of the bed and sitting on the edge of the bed “what you doing?” I asked, I mean I don’t want her to be with people and she gets upset, I mean she will be upset “I am in the trailer currently, for a while” I got to tell her now, I can’t wait because I am practically supposed to be leaving to see her in two days “Robyn…” I dragged out, man I really love her and this hurts, she can’t be with me like this “I can’t come there-” banging on my bedroom door stopped the conversation, the knocking is loud as fuck. Is this the police “Chris!” I breathed, it’s TJ “come in” I said, banging on my door like that “are you speaking to Rihanna?” he said out of breath “if you can see I am, I am trying to speak to her” is he stupid, but then again he hasn’t been here all day at all, so he won’t know “you haven’t said anything to her yeah? You haven’t?” eyeballing him “Chris, I need to speak to you just quick, I fucked up. Get her off the phone, just let me speak to you!” he pleaded with me, TJ means it, this is serious “Robyn, I will have to call you back” getting up from the bed “what the fuck is happening Chris, tell me what!” she is shouting now “I will call you back, I am putting the phone down” disconnecting the call.

I expected Robyn to call me after putting the phone down, she is calling me again right now “clearly you know?” Barry does, I can tell with the look on his face, he put his hands up “I know” he mumbled, I am still confused on this, but TJ is stood behind the couch and away from me “like I thought it was done, and yeah. I didn’t expect this to happen, Chris you are my brother” looking down at my phone, Robyn is going crazy in my messages “I already have this shit with Seiko, I don’t need you do be acting dramatic for it to be something dumb so please, get on with it” they both know something I don’t “I saw Seiko in the club, this was a few months ago, when you just told me you got with Robyn and stuff. But she started saying how upset she is that you never went with her to Miami, she assumed you were cheating. She was being all emotional in the club, she was drunk, I took her to one side because I mean I knew what you were doing, and you wanted to get rid of her anyways, I just said no he didn’t. She was speaking on how you changed since seeing Rihanna, I just didn’t’ want her to keep saying Rihanna, you know” he is being irrelevant “shut up TJ, I am bored “Barry shot up from the couch “just fucking tell him! Chris, TJ fucked your ex” I froze staring at my friend, but I laughed, I had to laugh “wait, you telling me you had sex with Seiko? You fucked my ex” I don’t feel this is real “but then she told me she is pregnant, I hit raw. But then she made that post, she is lying, she is two months. She is lying on you because she thinks you’re with Rihanna, she is obsessed, she was saying how that man Rihanna is holding on Instagram is you, she tagged Rihanna in the post too, but I begged her to untag her, it’s mine. She is causing shit and I begged her to get an abortion too. She’s doing as a sick joke to pain you, she told me she is pregnant” staring at TJ, not sure if to be angry or happy. Turning around slowly breathing out, this means I am free, I can be with Robyn but he slept with my ex, that is still bad but this is good.

[paniccord-ff]

21. Part 3

Closing my eyes hearing the song being replayed again “it needs to be slowed down a little, and that is when Sevyn comes in” opening my eyes, turning in my chair “take it from the start and will work on it” Sevyn smiled at me walking back into the booth, I don’t really feel like being here today. I just want to do something else, I don’t know what though “I thought we was getting Brandy for this song?” my sound engineer asked “I don’t know anymore bro, all I know is that I need to get this album done or my ass is on the line” getting up from the chair “just keep Sevyn’ vocals on this and then I can change it over if it comes in” grabbing my cup of lean, seeing Mijo asleep with Mylen on the couch “you have so many songs though, can’t you just use them? The hell do they know” sipping my drink turning around “nah, I rather do new material” looking down at the time “you know Jhene Aiko is upstairs” he said, it’s funny he is mentioning this because I have a song “hold this down for me, I need to just speak to her” placing my cup down walking off.

The elevator pinged as I reached the top floor, the doors opened while I looked down at my phone. I can’t help but see what Rylee is up too, I am just annoyed with her. Rylee hasn’t posted anything since the bikini picture but it’s fine, other people are posting pictures on her behalf for me. I really want to beat Daniel up, she came at me and then didn’t look at what he put, the nigga is tryna say he fucked Rylee but she overlooked that part which has pissed me the fuck off. Tapping on the video as it played, seeing Rylee singing to a Drake song. She has never sung one of my songs this passionately, look at her having all the fun in the world. Kissing my teeth seeing the men behind her, just watching my girl in her bikini “fuck that” shaking my head “Chris?” looking up from my phone “Jhene” plastering a smile on my face “I was just about come to your studio session, how are you?” putting my phone in my pocket as I gave her a hug, hopefully get a collaboration from her.

Sat in the chair thinking “I am telling you now bro, use the songs you have in the vault” licking my lips shaking my head “can’t do that, this is an album. People pay for this and they want quality not just some shit, you know” biting my bottom lip “you know what’s missing?” my sound engineer said “what?” looking over at him “ladies, nigga you would knock out so many songs. Now you can barely do one, what changed?” he questioned “you would think being in love I would have that inspiration but it just went, my mind right now is on Rylee. I think I had so much hate in my heart and so much shit going on that I sang about it, my heart feels free. I don’t know, I think I am going to go home and think on it. I have Tyga coming later. I think my mind will be right, I can’t do it so I am going” getting up from my chair “free your mind up, you say your mind is free being in love. It’s worse actually but keep ya head up bro” dapping him.

Smoking my blunt driving Mijo back home “y’all want to help me do some cleaning?” looking in my rear-view mirror at Fresh “I will!” Mylen shouted, of course he would “what cleaning is this?” Mijo asked “clearing Rylee’ shit out of the apartment and putting it in my house” Mijo pulled a face at me “is that what she wants? I don’t know ole girl” he put his hands up, I shrugged “it’s what I want, she need to learn to keep her ass at home” blowing the smoke out from my lips “speak on it” Mijo said, nodding my head “I’m tryna get her ass pregnant so she can keep her ass at home, she keep on taking those tablets and I know where she keeps them. I feel like switching them shits to be honest, I just be hoping those shits don’t work on her because she need to be pregnant with my baby. She think any other man can have her, she wrong on that” flicking my blunt out from the window “I never met her Chris, why? I see you say you love her, big word there” turning left so I can go to the apartment “Chris, I feel like Rylee won’t like this? I am sure she wants her apartment” Mijo think he can talk me out of it “I want Rylee with me, she don’t know how to decide on anything” he doesn’t know her at all “right, Fresh I am sure you met her. What is she like?” Mijo asked him “she good people, she’s calm” these niggas don’t know her.

Hearing Mijo telling Fresh to wait in the car, I don’t care what he saying. This apartment is gone “hold up Chris, one second. Let’s talk” I am bored of talking, also the fact Rylee thinks she can talk to me after ignoring me? Fuck that shit, this is what she gets for doing that to me “what?” turning around to face him “you not thinking straight, just hear me out before you pop off. What has upset you so much? You don’t even speak to me anymore about shit so tell me” rubbing my chin “this is all I know, I know you attacked a guy and got taken in and she got you back out. She drives your cars and she somewhat lives with you, and now she is in Vegas? What has triggered you nigga? You have been so happy recently so why are you acting out?” rubbing my face swallowing hard “I love Rylee so much, I don’t like her away from me and then she ignoring my calls. She don’t like me paying for things and got annoyed, she ignored my calls and then acting like we cool when I am not. She made me feel stupid, I am just angry. You know, niggas are out there being near my girl. She looking good too” Mijo took in a deep breath “you telling me you feeling insecure? Chris Brown is feeling insecure?” Mijo said in shock “have you seen Rylee? She is above me nigga, you ain’t seen her in person. It’s amazing” Mijo smiled at me “the way you just spoke about her, the excitement in your face tells me a lot. How about you don’t do this to her apartment and we go and chill somewhere? I don’t think your girl would want this, come. Drop Mylen off and we chill” Mijo placed his hand on my shoulder walking with me.

Watching Mijo walk around my car after dropping Mylen off, I have checked my phone so many times but Rylee hasn’t text me at all “let’s go then” Mijo closed my car door “where is Hood and all them?” I asked Fresh in the back “Vegas” he said, I didn’t know they went there too “cool” I could have went then “tell me more about Rylee? I like the sound of her” Mijo said, smiling wide “she a nurse, her parents love me and she loves me. Mijo, she practically loves my daughter too, she fed her and clothed her and rocked her to sleep. It’s going to sound a little stupid but she holds me and listens to me, she helps me think on what I want” Mijo chuckled “she sounds like a dream Chris, so what upsets you then? She sounds good” I can’t stop smiling right now “she don’t like me paying out for her, she feels like a burden to me when she’s not. I feel so insecure with her because she is better than me, I am just a nigga that is famous and have had random bitches. What if some clean-cut nigga comes along? Someone that is not bipolar and crazy as me” it can happen “but she loves you Chris, you just said she accepted your daughter and even looked after her. Are you being real? It’s in your mind Chris, she loves you equally as you do, stop this shit. You just talking and doing so much just chill on it, you have been through so many girls that you get confused and think she will do the same, clearly she loves you” Mijo said, I stayed silent because he is not wrong.

I am playing it safe with just a white bodycon dress on, I don’t want to go all out and I don’t really want to go out anyways. I am not feeling it but they won’t drop it, holding my earring up to my ear “can I come in?” hearing Munchie say at the door “sure” I said aloud, I don’t want to speak to anyone to be fair. It is still playing on my mind that Chris treats girls as he would with me, that makes me feel less special in which I did think I was “how do you always look good in everything?” she said behind me “really? This is so simple, I haven’t even done my hair” turning around as I put in my earrings in “you look really nice” she complimented me, smiling at her “thank you” I just find it funny how people have issues with me that I didn’t know of “are you ok after all that? Why y’all argue anyways” I don’t know whether to tell her or not, but it’s nothing that bad and I did kind of tell her anyways “it just went too far, I just didn’t like Chris giving me money” Munchie looked at me in shock “is that really one of the issues? I wish a nigga would give me money” laughing lightly “I am just not the type for that, I appreciate it but no. I just wanted to ask on what you meant by he treats all the girls like that? You said it earlier?” I am intrigued to know “oh erm, he always flew his girls around in his jet when he wanted them. If he bought something he would buy them something, he would let them live the life he is living. They didn’t complain, well not until another girl came along” my heart ached but I couldn’t show this, I can’t let her know that I am.

Picking my phone up from the bed “that is nice” is the only thing I said “but it is different with you, he does seem in love” he seems in love, so she says “that’s his ring?” she pointed at my hand “did you both get engaged?” she spat, shaking my head “no” taking the ring off and placing it on the side table “he gave me it but no we not. Anyways, let’s go” I am not going to act out, I wouldn’t do that but I am really hurting. You know that stupid girl feeling, I need to suck it up. Stepping out to the living area “is everyone here?” EJ said looking around “I think Tamia is stuck in the bathroom” Munchie said behind me, my heart feels heavy because I want to cry but I can’t. I refuse to pop off on him but I will question him on it, but then I also feel like I am getting between friendships, these are his friends.

Sitting in the SUV silently, they are all happy but me, I am sad as fuck. Looking down at my phone to see Blake has text me and also my dad, they took their sweet time replying back. Reading Blake’ message first.

From: Blake

To: Rylee

Kyrie is good lol he said he wants you though so come back and get him soon

Nice to know Kyrie misses me, he knows I spoil him and I get him what he wants. Nathan and Blake won’t and they probably cook horribly too, Kyrie is going to be sad when he goes back to New Jersey, which will be soon. Tapping on my dad’ message.

From: Dad

To: Rylee

Mother is ok, she is a fighter but she can’t wait to see you soon. We saw you on TV with Chris, they said Chris has a new girlfriend it was on E. you look so beautiful love you daughter x

I know my parents were acting out and all excited when they saw me on TV, smiling at my phone. Chris’ name popped up on my phone as he called, staring at the screen not really wanting to speak to him but that was the whole issue in the first place. I will just text him after, I don’t want to speak in this car anyways “you best not be like this in the club” EJ nudged me, I chuckled at him shaking my head “I promise” looking back at my phone as the call ended, tapping his name on my messages.

To: Chris

From: Rylee

I will call you later, it’s too loud here

Pressing send on the message “I love this club” EJ gushed, looking at the club and read Marquee. My phone buzzed in my hand, looking down at his message. He is online.

From: Chris

To: Rylee

Ok, iis everything ok? I feel you’re upset, unless that is all me? I am sorry.

Looking out of the car window, this is what I mean. She says Chris has done this before, but like bitch how? How does he feel that, when he says that my heart just expands. Let me quickly text him back before we get out of this car.

To: Chris

From: Rylee

It’s fine Chris, talk soon x

That will probably irritate him, he hates short messages but Joe is about open the car door for me “Rylee” Joe said smiling at me, grabbing my clutch bag as I slipped out of the car “is everything all good?” Joe asked me as he walked with me “yeah everything is fine” fixing my clutch on my shoulder “wow nigga, you just going to walk away and leave me?” Munchie spat, Joe and I both looked back “why would I wait for you? I am here for Rylee” he waved her off, Munchie does not look happy at all. Joe motioned me ahead of him, EJ met up with me “you ever been here?” he asked me, shaking my head “no, first time actually” seeing the queue outside “we VIP, don’t look there” following EJ, the security stepped to the side letting us in. I would be waiting out there with my friends if I didn’t know these, this is crazy now.

We have barely been here and I am about ready to go, I think I have seen enough with people around me “Hood is here!” Munchie shouted in my ear, looking through the crowd but it’s not hard to not notice him. My heart skipped a beat thinking Chris could actually be here but he’s not, he is not here and I felt slightly sad about it. This night just keeps on getting worse for me, the two people I hate are here now “this is my brother” Munchie said hugging Hood “really?” I said a little shocked because this guy is ugly as fuck, Munchie is somewhat pretty though “yes, I am so happy he is here” she beamed, I am not happy. I must attract bad luck because this is dreadful, Lo looked at me but I turned my head to move to the back. I need to stay away from them all, I am stupid in thinking anyone is my friend anymore.

Sitting down with my drink in hand, Antone sat across me “you have some beautiful legs sis!” he shouted, looking down at my legs laughing “thank you!” I wanted to say that Chris is crazy for them but I rather not, there is enough jealously in the air “Rylee!” hearing Joe shout “nigga shut up, she is sat here” EJ said, what is Joe even doing “cool, I just wanted to know you good” he waved, EJ side eyed him as he moved away. Shaking my head, Joe done lost me so he got scared. Sipping my drink and moving my legs out of the way as someone walked by me, looking up and seeing Hood and I already wanted to walk away. Placing my drink at the side of me on the floor, Hood sat next to me “where is Chris?” he asked, feeling his breath on me “at home!” I retorted, I mean he is Chris’ friend so he wouldn’t do anything so let me not be a bitch “cool! And he let you come out here like this on your own?” looking at Hood “why not?” I said confused, but I couldn't help but notice just how dark his eyes really were and I shuddered “I am just saying you know, anything could happen” is he being real right now “like what!?” I spat, is this fat nigga serious “I mean come on, Chris ain’t really that serious about you” placing his hand on my bare knee, without thinking I slapped Hood getting up from the seat, I need to go.

My mind is racing and I need to go, Antone stared at me in shock and the VIP is packed. I need to push my way through, all I am thinking in my mind is run but I can’t “god help me” I said, feeling a rough hand on the curve of my ass “it’s all good” Hood said, pushing my way through in a panic “Where you going girl?” EJ asked, shaking my head “woah, Rylee. Where you going?” Joe asked, I am about ready to cry “I want to go” grabbing Joe’ arm, Joe nodded his head. Looking back at Hood and he is legit staring at me like he wants me, what the fuck. I need to go, I need to not be in that hotel room either. Why do guys do this to me, like I am some hoe that would do that to any of them. Joe grabbed my arm and pulled me forward as we walked out of the club, a tear already fell “you want to go back to the hotel?” he asked as we walked out, wiping the tear away “I tried to get him away” Joe said, staring at Joe confused “what?” did he see it and then did nothing “this is why I came up to you, I got scared when I saw him and I thought you was gone” I am so damn confused right now “your ex was in there” my face dropped, I froze staring at Joe. He has got to be kidding me, I have some guy that wants to fuck me and then my ex that wants to kill me, I hate my life “are you being serious?” I stuttered “I know that nigga and I saw him, he was around looking so I told him to go. We are speaking on the same thing right?” looking around me wanting to break down and cry, I am so done with life right now.

I feel my mind is a little right, I am thankful because I can actually concentrate on making music. My ideas are coming back to me, I just need to contact a few artists and I will be set “next time you throw out a whole idea of an album I am going to kill you, this process has been painful this time around” my sound engineer complained, he saying it like I don’t know that myself “I think we got this though, by the end of the week this album will be done” picking my phone out from my pocket, seeing Hood’ name “the fat nigga calling me” answering my phone “yo” Mijo done fell asleep again, this nigga can’t hang anymore “family, just a quick phone call. I just saw your girl” my ears perked up, I knew they would see each other “oh yeah, she good?” she ain’t spoken to me so I hope she is good “yeah, she uhm walked away from us. You know I love you bro and I would tell you anything that goes down right?” I wonder what he is trying to get at “yeah you would?” I said, biting on my top lip “home girl was flirting with another man at the bar, I saw her. She straight ran off crying because I caught her. I love you like my little brother Chris, she is playing you” frowning in confusion “I just wanted to let you know, she will call you up crying. Don’t believe the shit, women are just pussy” shaking my head in shock, the fuck is he even talking about “I need to go” disconnecting the call, sighing out staring at the wall in confusion.