#'but that won't stop me from caring'
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congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#these took so long i kept getting distracted cries#but they r done and this is yuuji's post canon scar map to me. argue with a wall we should have had this#looks at canon this sign won't stop me bc i cant read >:(#smh robbed!!!!!! the potential!!!!! the aesthetic!!!!! th angst the symbolism!!!!!!#gege i respect u i do not want beef after u let my boys live#but u rly couldnt have scuffed him up a LITTLE more.....there were so many to choose from didnt u have a favourite.....#all he has to show fr all that r two little scratches. rly.#((not counting the ear n fingers thank god i get That much))#anyway i made a whole post abt why i think yuuji should have kept the scars n what it would have stood for symbolically#its along th same lines as the yuuji Big Face Scar agenda hh i just care a lot abt character design n visual storytelling ok#anyway fine he can keep the eye but in this house it grew back wrong it's lighter and foggy and now his prescription is stronger#as fr the rest#megumi has dibs on the upper right eye apparently so yuuji can have the bottom half#i would have doubled down on the scars on his left but a. the right side is the symbolic one#b. he healed an entire eye so it makes sense tht he'd heal other more minor injuries as well#c. tbh it's mostly based on what looked good i think this arrangement guides the eye across his face nicely#gave him a lil nose nick bc smth smth sukuna idk it's just there to balance things out#also as i said. the jaw and neck scar are there for kissing purposes i make the rules im salty and i do what i want smile#in other news thank u past hina fr doing those hair render studies im very happy with my yuuji hair as of late
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honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.
i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue
#ml fandom salt#I suppose#and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway#and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material#and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to#convince me to care about the leaks#do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general#also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER#would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude?#i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last
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People findinging out that antisemitism does, in fact, victimize people
#jumblr#jewish politics#antisemitism tw#nothing is more instantly frustrating than the 'jews just want to victimize themselves!' thing#yes actually. bigotry victimizes people. that's why it's called bigotry#honestly this is just me venting about this because i see this way too much#it's even more confusing how much i see it from 'leftists'. you sound worse than my conservative family#it's less that leftism is a set of principles to some but rather that it is an ego-boost i think#it's the aethetic of being a Good Moral Person without any of the work#you won't have to make any uncomfortable reckonings with your own pitfalls#you don't need to worry about what Actual Inclusion looks like because that's not the appeal of leftism#the appeal of leftism is how it props you up#i think in this case this is less a horseshoe theory moment rather it's just that people just...#don't care about the principles they say they have adopted because aethetics are a very attractive set of values#and the people who are hurt most by this is everyone else. it's the jews who won't make a stop in entire cities because they are unsafe#also to make this emphatically clear: antisemitism victimizes people (primarily jews)#this does NOT mean that i am saying someone is like... essentially a victim or they are Cursed or whatever else#recognizing that someone can be victimizes doesn't mean that someone is by character/nature a victim
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Red Hood Characterization
This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.
I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?
This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!
tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.
Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.
#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death#although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified#i really do think it was just about bruce#and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security#all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce#i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him#i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there#if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk#also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible#i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them#just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much#comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff#and try to form your own stances from there#because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given#jason todd#red hood#dc comics
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[ID: a coloured and shaded digital sketch of Luz and Lilith from the owl house. They're depicted with their designs from For the Future. Luz is tackle-hugging Lilith, ugly crying and exclaiming "I missed you so much". Lilith braces for the hug and smiles with tears also in her eyes. The background is a pale yellow colour and previous versions of the sketch can be seen at low opacity behind the full drawing. End ID]
When you see your cool aunt (actually a loser but you love her) for the first time in months and she has a badass apocalypse makeover but still somehow looks like a librarian
#the owl house#toh#luz noceda#lilith clawthorne#I have a distinct feeling they won't reunite until the last episode (which I'm cool with#we're kinda busy rn)#but that won't stop me from imagining self-indulgent scenarios!! I love their relationship so much#luz really went from calling Lilith a bitch in the only way the disney channel would allow to being like. okay she's pathetic#in the first few episodes of season 2 and then by elsewhere and elsewhen when Lilith is visibly doing better luz is so supportive#of like. her new job and hobbies and stuff#and Lilith is still the same cringe fail slug woman we all know and love but she cares about Luz!#she wants to help her and share her interests with her!#they're so lame together and I adore them soooo much. adhd and autism best friends forever (real)#this was a quick doodle that i put way too mucn effort into colouring and posing wise to not post#I'm proud of the shading not bc it's especially intricate or pretty#but because the process was entirely me colour picking each individual colour and futzing with it until i got coherent shading#it's not something i do often but i love to practice it cause i feel like it improves my colour sense#and also allows me to micro manage the palette#like how Luz's azura outfit and the inside of her mouth and Lilith's skin are all the same shade of off-white#BUT i gave Lilith's a warmer shading tone (bc it's skin and has blood beneath it) while Luz's teeth has a yellow shading cast#(since that's the colour teeth turn w/o enamel and most ppls teeth is a yellowy off-white anyway) and then Luz's outfit has a teal cast!#bc i wanted white fabric to look different to pale white skin or teeth#that's such a niche thing to have fun doing and appreciate abt my own work but like. it's there!#I'm not a master of colour by any means it's just nice to be able to do that
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ok! webcomic update! previously, i said that i'm considering on making two chapters before i release it - im scratching that idea off. tho i keep jumping back to do some linearts and a few coloring for parts that i'm sure i won't change, i finally also finished the sketch/mapping as a whole for the whole script draft i wrote for chapter 1.
as i kept on mapping and sketching everything out, especially near the end, i realized that the chapter length is easily at least two times the size of what i initially expected of a standard chapter length??? LMAO so i'm technically already working on two chapters worth of story length all along, it's just that since it's chapter 1 that its longer. if i stack these long pages together, the canvas height would at least be around 115K pixels 🤣😭🤣😭
im so extra for this shit, bc this chapter is just me essentially setting everything up (=planting seeds) and getting a grasp on the webcomic creation workflow & most of the canon characters. but i love being extra for my ocs! ueueueue you will understand when you read it.
this will also be the most i've drawn tsuna and reborn(butter this one's for you 🫵), ever. so besides oc withdrawal, i am also having cute girls withdrawal, the only one keeping me alive in these trying times is my girlie kyoko-chan. if you notice her panels are extra well-done...umm...uhhhh....i love cute girls 🫶🥰✨
my alternative is to just add another segment in the end, as some form of preview on what to expect next chapter. it should be no more than another 7K pixels, it's alr so long, this is nothing at this point 🤣
in terms of art improvement, i must say that they really are not kidding when they say if you keep drawing comics your art will improve. i keep noticing things idk how to draw (=i'll need to study how to) and i'm also being forced to draw characters in angles/poses i was too much of a coward to draw before and also! things i didn't give too many shits about to draw before, including mob characters and backgrounds (that i can't 3d my way out of).
honestly, at some point in the future, i should make a custom brush for namichuu student mobs, because goddamn! it's a pain!
it's also nice that i get to also technically do manga panel redraws by doing this! i find that doing redraws of anime screenshots/manga panels is good practice for how effectively im able to eyeball & figure out poses from references.
lastly for the updated estimate of the release! the latest i could finish it if i really take my time would be by christmas (this would be my og deadline if i had planned to release two standard-length chapters). though, i'd release it earlier if I finish earlier, of course.
and im not rlly beating myself up for not making my own personal deadline, i'll just think about it like this "deadlines are a social construct, its not like i'll lose my irl job for not finishing my personal webcomic 🤣🤣🤣" lmaoosjdfhjsf pls im already so depressed the past few days & im isolating, i don't want to add more to it. and having tunnel vision on the grind to make this is actually a good distraction from nasty thoughts. also took a break today from making it, that's why im able to drop by a few ppl's notifs 🫶
#einproject#i will sleep early today too and start early this sunday#im taking care of myself#physical health debuff mental health debuff family drama debuff etc debuff (bc tmi...)#these debuffs won't stop me from releasing ch1 im that desperate 😤😤😤
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Rishe's freedom is Arnold's breathing!
#7th time loop#arnold hein#rishe irmgard weitzner#I so wanna write about this in depth .. uugh I really do ...#but my health won't let me in peace much#part of it is a theory ...#but maybe I'll withhold writing it till I read the 6th book which I'm running away from reading#ever since the first book the idea kept getting bigger and bigger#and just ... I can't with them ....#I saw many goes “why Arnold care much about giving her freedom”#it's because it means alot to him 😭#I'll stop here for now ><
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note that i will only ever call mithrun "stupid" jokingly. by "stupid", i only mean "frustrating behavior that i am immensely familar with". seeing him do something that makes me groan aloud, closing my eyes, sighing "stupid (affectionate, mournful)". like when he fucking... his dumbass "i don't want to [use the bathroom] right now, so it's fine." oughh. i know you! i know you! that's not how that works!!! and he's smart!!! he's so smart... but god, god... he's kind of an absent professor. he's kind of a cloudcuckoolander. i love him dearly. he gets called a dummy, a little idiot, and i flick his forehead, a little bonk of hard-heads, like "try again, idiot. that's not how bodies work." and "ooh, 'that's not going to work'. yes it is. shut up, stoopid. stubborn little man, my god." rolling my eyes forever.
#mithrun#i'm not devaluing his intelligence#i feel like both can be true - that someone can be really smart but also take really stupid actions conversely#i fucking KNOW i do all the time#and i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with the word#it's not that his intelligence is compromised in any sense or that i think he's incapable#and it is solely#the fact that he is a stubborn little guy who doesn't listen and just goes 'that won't work' / 'i don't want to' / etc.#like... BUDDY...#buddy BOY#dummy#you are NOT a good judge of this ok?#zip ya lip little man#i know what you are#and i ain't fuckin listening to ya!#god. 'that won't work'. blah blah blah. okay sleepy. see you next panel.#fuckin knew that was going to happen#'i'm not tired' (his body stops working and he doesn't know why)#oh. OH. you're NOT? buddy i KNOW what happened ok? you need some fuckin rest#like - i'm gonna kick your legs out from under you + you're going to fall gently into bed + i tuck you in and smooch you#but i also fucking complain because OF COURSE YOU'RE TIRED ! you bastard ! go sleepy bye#it's his poor decisions and i know why he does them - because he doesn't know - but by god#it's also a little like please... listen to yourself...#on the one hand he doesn't know and never will#on the other hand ... you have been awake for hours and hours without sleep... please get some rest...#but yeah as someone who forgets needs and has little sense of that it is like... objectively a stupid experience#and i don't say that with judgement in my heart but it feels REALLY stupid when your body does something and you don't know why#it's not the disability though that makes me say as much - it is fully the fact that he is SO STUBBORN! SO STUBBORN!!!!#you say you're not tired and fall down? hm? then maybe you are? i know you don't know but whatever. let's get you to bed boy. ok?#caring for him + shaking my head like i get it so much but you gotta sleep! 'this won't work'. ok liar... i already know it will.
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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realizing after meeting eldrin how many parallels I've completely accidentally managed to set up between davrin and rye despite the fact that they're such incredibly different personalities and feeling an embarrassing swell of real tears rising up
#...I don't care if it makes for a better story I'm not letting davrin die I can't let davrin die I'm shielding him with my own body#the narrative can't have him that's my brother and friend and assan's dad learning he's so much more than he thought he was#I want to run up to the last battle with davrin and lucanis and rye squabbling the whole way the way it was meant to be#...so I'm really going to just go ahead and fuck over the ancestral spirit of the dwarves again basically then aren't I fhsjka#ah yes. The true thedosian tradition: fucking over the dwarves so incredibly bad every time and like mostly as collateral damage!!!#when an elven god sneezes the entirety of dwarven civilization falls over dead on the spot for no reason. im so so so sorry#but. probably not sorry enough to let go of davrin's hand to stop him from falling fdhsakj#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#davrin#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rye seeing davrin and eldrin interact and unavoidably thinking about how old renn would be today if he were still alive like 'this is fine'#(it was not fine but they won't actually realize that until their soul cracks open to reveal the abyss inside in about half an act's time)#I am going to do a 'golden' run with rye once I know the game in and out so I can get it all right (I didn't know him in the beginning!)#and do quests in the most pleasing order and everything. which has me afraid I'll explore the darker timeline where davrin does die#but like. let me have the other world first at least I'm going to be selfish on the first run
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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ik i've done like 5 panel redraws from 265 alone but this is the last one promise
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 265#timelapse#jjk but its me and im the one possessed and i cant stop doing yuuji panel redraws :'>#fr tho im done i swear i think ive drawn all my favourite yuujis from the leaks i can stop now#....the one of him crouching while fishing Is good too tho...#IM JOKING I WON'T (today)#my pinky actually hurts rn i will rest#the thing w timelapses is theres never much 2 say abt the process bc like. its all right there#th red flash was me accidentally hitting the paint fill button gomen :'< i always do either that or i accidentally crop it#they should move those buttons further away from each other >:((((#hmm other than that total time abt 4 hours his hair fought me a bit during the render but gojo voice Nah Id Win >:)#symmetry ruler my beloved <333 until i get 2 his scars n have to turn it off rip#anyway im going 2 go rest my hand do some stretches etc etc#self care i hear they call it
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Continued dumb things that rattle around in my noggin at like, all times.
This is nothing new, of course; we have talked to DEATH how significant that moment of surprise is in the context of quimchee revealing that Nol likes a nice smile. But the additional context I enjoy is that we know by this stage the friendships Nol meant to be pretend were so real. We already can glean that Nol was very drawn to Shinae in a genuine way - both as a person he wanted to help but also as a friend he earnestly wanted to be friends with.
But, correct me if I'm wrong, this is the first time he sees her smile like that - at a time when she's clearly uncomfortable and miserable on the spot in front of so many people, without her comfort jacket, at an event he knows she's being forced to attend. And it's because of him.
Nol's whole thing is helping people, putting good back into the universe, trying to improve situations for other people. He's surely made Dieter and Soushi smile and laugh.
But here it feels SO loaded and significant. Shinae with her tall, dense walls. Shinae who has been so difficult to reach. Shinae whose friendship he genuinely wants, genuinely enjoys, despite how she tried to stay safe in her shell, in this uncomfortable moment laughing and smiling in such a bright radiant way.
He's a sucker for a good smile.
And he brought her that comfort.
I don't think it's necessarily an attraction thing as much as it's one of those very important bricks laid in their foundation. Nol doesn't in that moment consciously realize he likes Shinae. I think something just strikes him in that moment. That smile, that radiant joy, makes him feel something he can't identify.
THINK ABOUT IT. He's just come back from meeting Alyssa who immediately took off after Meg even though they haven't met in so long. Standing here watching Shinae endure an awkward, uncomfortable dance in front of strangers, everyone recognizes Kousuke - but not Nol. He's a stranger to his family's world, even to his girlfriend. He's just another guy in the crowd.
But there's Shinae, who sees him. The same Shinae who has taken notice of his scuffed knuckles. The same Shinae who, after the dance, immediately goes to him and asks about him.
It's no wonder he says this.
I think seeing Shinae at the formal, clearly against her will, is the moment Nol remembers what happens to people he cares about. He got invested, he sought her friendship, and even though he doesn't know why she's there, he's certain it's her proximity to him. Even before Sangchul, before the pool, Nol remembered the danger.
It's after this he gives Kousuke his word that he'll avoid Shinae, and I think that's why. He already had the intention of distancing himself. It was supposed to be fake and he knew it wasn't and that he doesn't deserve her friendship he put her in danger by showing interest. She had drawn boundaries, she didn't even really want his friendship it'd be fine.
But then he made her laugh. But then she spotted him when no one else did. Then she burst into that bright, radiant laughter because of him and he probably knew: it was too late. He screwed up and yet....
Nothing is okay everything is messed up but he puts on that mask anyway. For friendship. Because he needs to. For her comfort. So he can convince himself he can actually pull away. So he can convince himself it doesn't mean anything else.
So he can convince himself someone cares about him, that maybe something is real even if real means danger.
(But he can't and we know it and we watch it over and over. It's too late and he just can't stay away.)
#I Love Yoo#ILY Brainrot#Stalkyoo#Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn#CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP#it's feral Thursday#bhvonufojifuhyfuh7h8#thinking about how significant this scene is makes me feel SO insane#thinking about how much this moment means what it makes him feel what it sparks inside#I feel kind of confident about the timeline of feelings at this point but I'm curious if that will ever be confirmed or denied#obviously they've been developing slowly quietly from the very very beginning#but i love how this moment gives us something concrete#honestly this entire arc and the hospital episides are just gihydz7F7YDTUX7TV8UG9IB8UFU9GH#yknow?#but i really like what we get to glean about how their relationship shifted and got altered#the role reversal and Nol's slow mental decline becoming more and more miserable and distant#and how despite it he still indulges of small pockets of comfort from Shinae#GOD SCREAMS I JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEWS THROUGH A PILLOW AND WHIPS IT AROUND#talking with the gang and thinking about all the doubts Nol has that anyone ever cares#that he does any good#the world would be better off without him he thinks#but in that exact moment Shinae is better off because he does#HOWLS
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stars do u like dem ⋆。°✩
on a quiet summer's evening (a midsummer night's dream, if you will...)
#i'm two weeks behind the rest of twitter once again but i don't care <3#and glasses!ada reveal :3 making them ada-accurate just made them blend into my face but oh well#won't stop me from kicking my feet#kuroada ₊˚ෆ
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top five family interactions that felt like a fever dream
#[.txt]#self#for context not once in my life has my sister ever asked nor wanted my company. She has refused to as much as touch me for years#so this from her was completely out of the blue and despite a few days passing I am still dumbfounded as to the Why#my sister in christ (lit) for my entire life you acted like I was a leper what is going on with you#she stopped sobbing quickly after and stood there while I made my lunch which made me only more weirded out. Alright madame. sure. ok#I won't ask any further questions honestly we are below roommate levels of relationship and I don't care. But keep the crying to yourself..
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something something the way he's always self-aware enough to recognize when he's been a prat and regret it later = the way he's always revolted and creeped out by people who are "fans" of his or find him cool or otherwise try to follow in his footsteps. y'all get it.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD.#he doesn't like himself but that won't stop him from Being himself#WILL however make him try to stop anyone else from BECOMING like him#does this make sense. it's very early in the morning. i care him#delano's writing always highlights how much of a hypocrite he can be + how decent he can be in the same breath#and it makes me feral
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