#'and then she'll have to stay in our village and buy our stuff'

[skyloftian-nutcase]

If you still want Link iseas for the Forsaken au: a child named Link dressed in green and a hat, posing in the woods.

Zelda shivered as they patrolled the edge of the forest. "Those people did say he was here, right?"

"Yeah," her Gerudo companion answered hesitantly. "But... doesn't this forest feed into the Lost Woods?"

"The Master Sword is said to be in the Lost Woods," Zelda noted. "This could actually be it!"

"But they said it was a kid," Link argued. "Like, a bonafide child. There's no way, right?"

Zelda grew surprisingly somber, pausing. "I hope not. But we still need to look. Just because some adults said it's a kid doesn't mean anything - people could call you and me kids if they're ancient enough."

Link supposed she was right, but he still didn't like it. Sighing, he took a few steps into the forested area. The pair wandered for what had to be hours, and Link watched the sun steadily sink towards the horizon with no luck whatsoever. No sign of this supposed child, clad in green and a strange hat, that the people had spoken of. They would have to stay in the nearby village the night if the princess wanted to keep searching.

"These false leads!" Zelda groaned, frustrated. "Why do I bother believing the people, anyway?"

"They are your people, Your Highness," Link pointed out. "I mean... they have to know something, right? They wouldn't lie to their princess."

The princess grumbled, twirling a curl between her fingers. Then she stomped her foot. "Well, I'm not giving up! Come on. Let's go back to the village. We'll gather more information and then try again in the morning."

Meanwhile, in the Lost Woods...

Link stared at the little boy as he played with Friend. Friend barked excitedly, lowering her front half as her butt wiggle with her happy tail, pointed straight into the air. The little boy giggled in reply, chasing the dog as she took off running.

It was a strange thing to figure out, really. The little boy liked emulating his style and would often wear clothes made similarly to his own, but what was he doing this deep in the forest? He'd said his mother had let him come play here, but why? The nearby village would know this place was no place for children.

Well, perhaps they didn't. The knew the Lost Woods wasn't for children, but their own forest nearby wasn't too harmful.

"So you wandered a bit too far, eh, kiddo?" he asked as he leaned against a tree.

"Mama said I could play here," the boy replied. "She said it was hide and seek! I could only let you or her find me."

Link narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Link... did your mama say she would come find you?"

The little boy paused, suddenly remembering. "She did, but I had to stay hidden because some people were looking for me!"

"What people?"

The child shrugged.

The child's namesake sighed, both in annoyance and unease. He'd heard whispers of the Princess of Hyrule searching for someone named Link. He half wondered if the village had let the child wander just to lure her in. The princess was no danger to the boy, and the woods were no danger to him so long as Link was here. But that was foolhardy to assume he'd be around.

Freaking people, he grumbled internally as he motioned for the kid to follow him. Think that just because I save folks means I can be volunteered into their shenanigans. "Come on, let's get you home. I'll take you to the field and then Friend can escort you home."

[waterfire1848]

AU where Azula is shipwrecked and stranded on Kyoshi Island at age 8 and grows up as a Kyoshi warrior.

Hello, anon!!

1. Instead of Azulon calling for Zuko’s head, he calls for Azula’s. He sees how much more this would hurt Ozai and, in his mind, if Ozai and Ursa had one prodigy they can have another. (What a great grandpa). Azula is terrified and fears that her mom wouldn’t help her so she flees the palace. She gets down to the shipyard and sneaks aboard a ship. She thinks they’ll just take her to some island in the Fire Nation where she can lay low but the ship is sailing towards the Earth Kingdom. Sometime during the trip, they got caught in a massive storm and Azula is still hiding below. The ship is torn apart and Azula clings to whatever floating piece of wood she can find, passing out soon after. When she wakes up, she hears voices and sees some people in green clothing. (Voice: Is she dead? Voice: I don’t think so. Where do you think she came from? Voice: Girls, back off! We need to get her to the healer. Voice: She’s an outsider. Voice: She’s a child! Azula: Mom? Zuzu? Voice: Not mom. It’ll be okay. Just breathe). Azula passed back out soon after.

2. When Azula wakes up, she finds that she’s in a small wooden structure with a couple beds. She’s been to enough peasant villages to know that this is probably a healer’s hut. She’s also alone for the time being so she takes the opportunity to look around and finds a lot of objects from the Earth Kingdom as well as a bunch of stuff honoring Avatar Kyoshi—a treasonous thing in the Fire Nation—so Azula quickly puts together that she’s in the Earth Kingdom she just doesn’t know where exactly. (Healer: Someone’s anxious to get up. Azula: Sorry. I wasn’t trying to steal like some common thief. Healer: I didn’t think you were, dear. You’re just being curious. It’s good to see you up and about. Azula: Yes. I-Where am I? Healer: This is Kyoshi Island. Azula: Where is that? Healer: You're a very curious child, aren't you? We can discuss the island a bit more after you've had something to eat.) Azula is brought food and water while she's being nursed back to health. After about a week or so, Kyoshi Warriors and the village leader come to see her and ask who she is. Azula, having just escaped one person who wants to kill her, lies and says she's a war child who was abandoned. The warriors have no reason to doubt her and they don't want to send her back to the Earth Kingdom by herself so they allow her to stay.

3. Once she's well enough to walk through the village, Azula is told that she'll have to work if she wants a place here. Azula agrees because, in her mind, she's assuming that she'll escape very soon. Sadly it's not the best working conditions since the other girls her age avoid her for being half Fire Nation and there aren't a lot of other kids to hang out with on the island so Azula is mostly left by herself. One day, Azula notices everyone going to steal steamed buns from the kitchen. The village leader catches them and demands to know what they're doing. Before Suki can give some half baked lie, Azula rushes in and says that she asked them to meet her in the kitchen because she doesn't know how to make a lot of food from Kyoshi Island and wanted them to show her how. The leader buys it and leaves them be. (Suki: Why'd you help us? Azula, grabbing the basket of steamed buns from her: Mine. Suki: Hey! You can't have all of them! Azula: You would have gotten caught if not for me. I deserve all of them. Suki: No, you don't! You have to share! Azula: Why should I? Suki:....We'll let you join our club and learn really cool fighting moves. Azula:....What kind of fighting moves are we talking about? Suki: The super secret ones that only people from our island know. Azula: I suppose that's a decent trade for a few steamed buns.). And that's how Azula officially becomes a member of their little group. As time goes on, Azula comes up with reason after reason for why she doesn't escape. Finally, after celebrating her tenth birthday on the island, Azula realizes that she doesn't want to leave. She likes her friends, she likes how the adults treat her with kindness even when she makes a mistake, she likes that the older girls are kind but firm when they correct her---no fireballs that she has to dodge this time---and she gets to fall asleep next to her friends without fear that someone is going to kill her or stab her in the back for political power. Kyoshi Island has become her new home.

4. Years pass and Azula remains on the island. She, Suki and their group become Kyoshi Warriors and get the war paint, dresses and fans that go along with it. Azula and Suki are by far the most skilled fighters of the group and constantly fight one another mostly for fun but also to show off. One day, the two are fighting when they hear a loud animal roaring and see something land on the beach. They make their way out there to find the Gaang and capture them. Azula is not a huge fan of Sokka, especially since he’s taking all of Suki’s time, but she puts up with it long enough for them to leave the island. When Zuko arrives, Azula recognizes him instantly and, because of that, she really relies on her makeup and dress to keep her hidden. (Although Zuko swears one of the Kyoshi Warriors called him Zuzu). A couple weeks after Team Avatar leaves, Suki wants to travel and help other people which Azula is very much against. The other warriors still don’t know who she is and she fears that leaving the island will be how they discover that. Suki does talk her into it and the Kyoshi Warriors leave the island.

5. Since Azula is on Suki’s side, she’s never captured and they help Appa get to Ba Sing Se and reunited with Aang. While in the city, Azula runs into Zuko without her makeup on and he recognizes her. Azula ends up returning to his and uncle’s apartment and admits everything to them from Azulon ordering her death to her life on Kyoshi Island. Zuko tells her that when she disappeared she was declared dead a few days later. The palace mourned—he and Ursa mourned the most—but Ozai was eventually named Fire Lord. (Zuko: I-I still can’t believe you’re alive! Azula: I live to amaze. Zuko: Mom will really be amazed when she sees you and dad- Azula: Woah, hold on. I’m not going back. Zuko: What? What are you talking about? Azula: My place is here with the Kyoshi Warriors. Zuko: You’re the Fire Nation princess. Azula: Was. Was the Fire Nation princess. Now I’m Azula: the Kyoshi Warrior.) Azula ends up without much of a choice when Ozai arrives (working with Long Feng because he would definitely work with Ozai). Zuko doesn’t get the credit for capturing the Avatar but he does get credit for returning Ozai’s prodigy to him. When Ozai takes back both his children and captures the city, he kinda brings Azula in front of everyone who’s captured (including the Kyoshi Warriors) and reveals her as the Fire Princess. Suki and the other warriors to see Azula as the Fire Princess. (Azula almost breaks down when she sees how betrayed and angry Suki looks). She’s taken away before she’s allowed to explain anything to her friend. (Ozai: Azula! Azula: Father, I- Ozai: Come. Azula: But- Ozai: Did I stutter? Follow me or that little group of peasants you were running around with is ash. Azula: No! No, don’t hurt them! Ozai: Pathetic. You’ve become weak, Azula. You’ve allowed yourselves attachments. Don’t worry we will fix that.) Azula is taken away by Ozai and (kinda) Zuko while Ba Sing Se burns around her.

(Ending here but here it is!)

[13as07]

Patience #3.5

(Jiraiya Smut)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to Ibuo]

Requested by: Myself

Word Count: 6,231

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Part 3 from Jiraiya's POV

Sorry it’s so long but not really cause I love writing his prospective

Nicknames/Name Calling: Little One, Sensei, Sweet Girl, Princess, Sweetheart, Obedient Girl, Sir, Sex Addict

Exhibitionism (public sex)

Age Gap/Power Indifference (teacher/student)

Creampie

Spanking

Little rougher domination

Improper use of a hairbrush (Yes, in that way. Still not sorry)

———————————————————————

The whimpers my kunoichi spills out only make the next few days seem even more looming. It's been driving me crazy, knowing I can't treat her like I have been. No random quickies everywhere all the time, no cuddling up in public or drowning her in affection. We're back home now, I have to be at least somewhat professional.

Plus, there's the small hovering doom of talking to Tsunade. I can only imagine the lecture and string of profanity she'll use once I tell her I did - and have been - sleeping with my student. Not to mention the black eye I'm sure I'll get since my old squad mate has a habit of responding with her fists before her words.

Once she does calm down, Tsunade will probably tell me I'm playing with fire, that I'm ruining my kunoichi's future, that I'm injuring my reputation, that I've managed to reach a whole new level of perverted. But it's so worth it.

     If I have to I'll give up the shinobi life, I'll retire, I'll focus on writing my books, and my kunoichi can continue living her life like the badass little ninja she is. Or we can both quit and buy a nice little cottage on the outskirts of town with a private hot spring.

My mouth clicks shut, cutting off my Princess's praises long enough to get my thoughts straight before I start them up again. That's a long-term idea. A long-term idea that has no room in our blooming relationship. I haven't even taken the girl on a proper date and I'm already planning my retirement with her. We've been doing stuff so backward it has my thoughts in knots.

"Little One?" I call, dipping my head down long enough to get the words out. I tip my head back up, taking in the sight of my student. She looks so hot, back arched with her pants around her knees as I have her pressed up against the tree. Her hands seem small under mine, another reminder of our size difference. I think my Princess is making me form a size kink.

"Sensei?" She whispers back, glancing at me for a millisecond before they're back in place. My Sweet Girl is focused on the entrance of our home village, the closeness both exciting and terrifying her. It's cute, seeing my student wrestle with herself over how wrong but good the situation feels.

I press kisses behind her ear, matching them to the thrusts I make into her pussy. Every bottom-out I do gets rewarded with a gentle kiss, pulling more pretty noises from my Sweetheart. "We..." I start, my climax coming quicker than I want it to.

I'm worn out already today, courtesy of me stopping and pushing my Sweet Girl against a tree every thirty minutes or so. I keep trying to convince myself it's to get it out of her system, but I'm pretty sure we both know it's to get it out of mine. "We can't..." I try again, stopping when my dick twitches.

My Little One bucks her hips backward, pushing me over the edge way before I'd like. I want to enjoy our last bout of freedom, I want to stay in this moment until I have her skin memories and damn it, I want to last longer than two minutes. "We can't what?" She whispers as if the trees outside the village will voice our sins.

"We can't..." I try again, shoving myself back into my pretty Sweetheart, soaking in the feeling of her wrapped around me, the feeling of her pussy leaking down my balls, the feeling of her, as I fill her cunt again today. Marking my territory in my new favorite way. "Be all over each other," I finally manage to get out, my mind a bit clearer now that I've finished.

"Why not?" My Sweetheart whimpers as I pull out of her.

My Sweet Girl looks beautiful like this. Her legs are spread wide, giving me the best possible view of her pussy. It's pinker than normal, from my overuse of it today. She's gapping, desperately clenching from the new emptiness as I spill out of her, coating her gorgeous thighs in the thick white of my cum. I swear I could spend a whole chapter explaining this view alone, maybe I will.

"It's unprofessional, Sweet Girl," I softly explain, giving into my want and bending forward to scoop myself off her skin. She looks nice coated in my semen but it looks so much better in her. "Besides, I need to talk to Tsunade about... this," I add, thrusting my fingers into her. My Sweetheart might look gorgeous gapping for me but it doesn't mean I like leaving her needy.

She whines as my fingertips toy with her, disappointment in her face. At least this time I know it's from my words and not my seeming inability to keep up with her sex drive. "You're fine, Sweet Girl," I mutter, kissing her shoulder in a failed attempt to muffle my laughter. I love the mess of whines and whimpers my student becomes when she doesn't get her way, and almost every time I can't help but laugh with joy at the sight.

The moment doesn’t last though, the weight of today setting in. God, I'm too attached, way too quickly. The thought of my Little One sleeping alone in her apartment makes my chest ache. She should be sleeping with me, in my house, in my bed. I should be able to roll over and hold her in the middle of the night like I've done for the past few weeks.

The thought is upsetting, it makes me anxious. My hands jump forward to cover her up again. I don't need someone to see my student with her pants down, literally. My attention quickly shifts to repeatedly squeezing her hips to counteract the anxiety weighing on me. My anxiety only seems to grow as I heard her towards the village entrance.

When that doesn't help my anxiety either, I change pace to feeling her skin against mine again. My hands grasp at her, my lips just as hopeless as I brush new kisses into her neck, desperate to press the feeling of her skin into my mind.

"Sensei?" She giggles, starting to silence my anxiety. "You're pretty all over me for it being 'unprofessional'."

"Hush Princess," I whisper, shifting my attention away from her. I scan the entrance, my fingertips dancing over her skin, helping more of my anxiety seep away.

I hate the thought of being away from her. What if something happens and I'm not there to help? When we're on a mission we spend twenty-four-seven together. That's not going to happen now that we're home.

My head dips down, placing another marking on her skin in our last few seconds of true alone time. I cup her pussy too, tapping my fingers against my Sweetheart before I tug away. My temporary goodbye to our very active sex life.

     I feel like a schoolboy once again. The anxious attachment young boys experience with their first girlfriends. So distressed, so upset at the thought of being apart from my Sweet Girl. Maybe some time apart won't be too bad, as long as she's safe.

     The thought of this being a healthy space makes me feel better and makes it easier to let go of my grasp on her and pull away.

     "Sensei? Are you going to ignore me again?" My student asks, distraught covering her face as I pull away. My Sweetheart doesn't like me pulling away, which is evident from her wrapping around my arm. She looks small, wrapped around me like this. She looks even smaller when she squirms from my fingertips brushing over her pussy. I'm definitely developing a size kink.

     The distraught she's feeling quickly gets replaced. My kunoichi's mischievous glint fills her eyes as a pout forms on her face, promising a bratty tantrum to follow. "What if I get needy? Then who am I supposed to do?"

     I take it back, I don't feel like a schoolboy. I feel pissed off like I'm ready to throw down with any man that dears to glance at her. It's the same anger I had at dinner with Riku, jealousy that I can’t seem to control.

     Before I can stop myself, I tug my arm away from her, jumping forward to grip her face. This is another new thing between us. Since my Princess doesn't like my hand around her throat, I've started gripping her face to keep her attention on me.

     I snap her head upward, forcing her eye contact with me as I glare down at her. "Don't you dare," I husk out, soaking in the way my Sweetheart's eyes soften. They're round and glazed over, tempting me to break my temporary hardness. "Go ahead, try your little act. See how far that gets you," I continue before dipping my head down, making sure the next sentence stays between the two of us instead of the villagers eavesdropping on the street. "See how empty everyone else makes you feel compared to your Sensei."

     My Little One's hands snack up my arm, her fingers clinging to my wrist as her breath picks up. I enjoy the view, the way she seems so eager for me as I pull away from her face. It's cute, her eyes, how easily I got her roaring again, how she tries to pull my hold off her even though she knows it is useless.

     "I'm just kidding, Sensei," she whimpers, a whine bubbling in her throat. My student flutters her eyes down, focusing on my fingers clinging to her cheeks.

     That only pisses me off more, making me shift her head again. "Joke like that again and I'll beat your ass back into obedience, you understand me?" I mutter, watching for her reaction.

     My Sweetheart's thighs rub together, only encouraging my roughness. Her eyes are drowning in lust, tongue almost hanging out of her mouth in a pant. "Yes, Sensei," My Princess says softly, quickly making my dick hard again. I need to talk to Tsunade.

     "That's my Sweetheart. Be an Obedient Girl," I praise, debating on kissing her or not as a reward. There are a lot of people out and about though, and I really should bring Tsunade into the loop before I'm public about my relationship, or lack thereof. I need to take my kunoichi on a date.

     "Yes, Sensei," she repeats, satisfying me. I rub her cheeks for a second before letting her go.

     Date ideas swirl around my head as I continue walking. I shouldn't take her out to eat, we already do that all the time, so it wouldn't be any different. Well, if I take her somewhere fancy but I should probably put a little more effort into it.

     My Sweet Girl's hands collide with my back, balling up my shirt once I'm in her grasp. "Sensei, where are we going?" Her sweet voice rings out, silencing my thoughts for a second.

     "We have to report to Tsunade, Little One," I answer, slowly my paces so the chance of her tripping goes down.

     Her fingers tap against my back, tapping out some melody as she trails after me. "That's boring. Are you going to talk to her while we're there? About us?" She asks, making my anxiety claw back into my chest.

     "No," I answer quickly, my prediction of Tsunade reaction rolling around my head. I don't need my student seeing Tsunade hand me my ass.

     My Little One clings to my shirt, the material balled in her hands again. "Why not?" She's upset, actually upset and not her whiney 'I'm needy, fuck me' upset. It makes my heart ache. I don't want to disappoint my Sweetheart.

     "You don't need to be present during that conversation, Sweet Girl," I answer a laugh following my words. I can only imagine her face while I'm getting my shit rocked. "Don't worry your pretty little mind, I'll talk to her soon, have some patience," I coo, trying to ease over her emotions.

     "Promise?" My Little One asks, her voice softly as she clings to my shirt harder.

     "Promise."

————————————

     My heart seems loud in my ears as I search the hallways for my student. Today's anxiety is a mixture of the speech I've been practicing to confess my situation to Tsunade and because I can't find my Sweetheart.

     I left her for ten minutes, only ten minutes, long enough to talk to the Head Anbu. Long enough to fill him in on the new information on the Akatsuki. Ten minutes and she's gone. On the plus note, she can't be in too much trouble. After all the Hokage palace is the most secure place in the village. My Little One can't be getting into much mischief... I think.

     I roll over my speech, rehearsing it again so that when I finally talk to Tsunade I have it down. Tsunade who already seems suspicious. Tsunade who seems to have noticed every whine, whimper, and grasp my kunoichi has tried in the past week. Tsunade who asked why my student spends so much time at my house.

     Tsunade who I've avoided talking to because she's terrifying. I know I've been putting off our conversation. I know it's disappointing my Sweetheart. I know my Sweet Girl is getting upset from the lack of me, from the lack of sex, the lack of my time and attention, and from the lack of us having a proper relationship. From me sucking at relationships and putting off asking her on a proper date. I need to stop putting stuff off.

     "Oh my God. You thought... oh my," my Princess's voice rings out, distress evident in her voice.

     My body jerks, panic washing over me at the sound. My pace picks up, scanning the hallways and rooms for her. What situation could she possibly be in? Why couldn’t she just obey me and stay put?

     "No!" Someone barks, making me stress even more. "Well not at first but when you said you were training under Jiraiya I just... I wanted to be sure you weren't..." The voice continues, making it easier to figure out where the possible threat to my kunoichi is.

     I scurry forward, turning down the hallway I'm pretty sure the voices are coming from. I was right, which is good, but so bad.

     Genma, one of Tsunade's guards, is hovering over my kunoichi. My Little One that has her hand down his pants. My Sweet Girl who told me when we got home that if I ignored her, she'd find her wants somewhere else. My student who's looking up at Genma with those big beautiful 'fuck me' eyes that should be looking up at me. My Sweetheart that's enveloped in Genma's frame that doesn't make her seem as small as she seems under me. My Princess and Genma who are making my blood boil.

     "I'm not a pervert," Genma continues, pissing me off even more. How can he say that? He has her caged, has her stuck under him, has someone young enough to be his student pressed up against the wall as he humps my Sweetheart like some street mutt.

     I know it's hypocritical of me. I've spent the past month sleeping with my Little One, I'm older than both of them, I am known for being a pervert. But she's my student, my kunoichi, my Sweetheart, which means I have dibs. Dibs that I fully use, constantly.

     "Could convince me otherwise," I huff, my voice coming out louder than I meant. I can feel my anger seeping off of me, I can feel the heat of it on my face and crawling across my chest.

     Despite that, my Little One doesn't seem to notice. "Hi, Sensei!" She calls, shifting out from under Genma's arms, her hand still buried down his pants, which only pisses me off more. "How was your meeting?" She continues, her soft sweetness soaking through the heavy situation.

     That upsets me even more. My Sweet Girl is so happy to have my attention, so happy to see me, all because of my lack of affection towards her. I storm down the hallway, Genma getting paler the closer I get and my student getting happier.

     Genma jerks away from my student, bowing once I get closer. "Jiraya, Sannin, sir," he shrieks towards the ground. He's as nervous as I'm pissed. It's would funny if I didn't have the image of my kunoichi clinging to him burned into my head.

     "Genma," I call back, focus set on my bubbly student. She's all smiles with her usual mischievousness in her eyes. She's happy I caught her. It almost hurts, knowing even though I'm angry my Sweetheart is joyful to have my attention. "My student is too young for you." That's a lie, Genma is a more fitting age gap than her and me, but I'm choosing to ignore that.

     "She's only... ten years younger... sir." The sentence snaps my anger back into place, completely counteracting the soothing my student unknowingly started.

     My Princess shifts, mirroring me as she shows off her smile. "That's not so bad, Sensei. After all, you're thirty years older than me," she points out, as cocky as ever.

     I crouch down, locking eyes with her before I start speaking. "Ya, well, I don't have you pinned to the Hokage Palace wall, rubbing my boner against you."

     Somehow her smile grows even more. Her curved mouth opens, a promise to throw a comment about us into the open. I jerk forward, wrapping my hand around my Sweetheart's mouth to cut her off. "You're being a disgraceful shinobi," I hiss out, deepening my glare.

     Genma moves, pulling himself out of his bow. "Sannin, sir?"

     "Get out of my presence," I hiss, burning my student's cocky face into my mind. She looks cute and inspirational. Maybe I'll put this scene in my new book too.

     "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir," Genma mumbles before darting away, leaving me alone with my cocky attention hungry student.

     My Sweetheart jerks away from me, mouth running as soon as she's free from my grasp. "You know good and well you'd be thrilled to be humping me against the wall too. Or maybe not, since you seem to not be into me anymore."

     She's right, about the first part. I'd give anything for a few uninterrupted minutes with her. My skin burns from not being able to feel hers, my fingers are impatient with the yearning to feel her hair running through them, and my balls are so heavy it feels like I'll nut just from her stare.

     The second half of my Little One's rant isn't correct, nowhere near it. It ticks my anger even more. Can't she tell how much I want her? Can't my Sweetheart see how desperate I am for every part of her? Hasn't she noticed how much I crave her touch? Her voice? Her eyes? Her laugh? Why can't my pretty kunoichi see how addicted I am to her? How much I adore her sass, her attitude, her personality, her very being?

     "Little One," I grumble, terribly failing at hiding my anger that I know truly isn't her fault. I'm upset at the situation I put us in, at the fact I keep putting off talking to Tsunade. "If I had it my way, we'd be locked up in my house for the next week doing nothing but practicing scenarios for my new book," I confess my little fantasy to her as my hand cups her cheeks again. I cling to her face, soaking up the softness of her skin rubbing against mine.

     I have thought about it a lot, reenacting scenes from my past books, and recreating situations with her so I can take them in better to be able to describe them perfectly in my next novel. I've been rolling over the plot of my next story, thinking of mirroring it to ours.

     My Sweetheart will make a fantastic read, an amazing heroine. I can't help the fact that my recent writings have curved around her, that I'm set on giving her to the inked paper, all to share my small piece of heaven with others that occupy the living realm. It would be sinful not to share her with the world.

      "But," I continue, shifting closer to her with the hopes it'll stop my wandering mind. "We have a very important job for our village. I cannot drop everything every time your pussy aches for attention. Stop acting like a spoiled Princess." The words seem harsh, even as I say them, but she pays no attention to them.

     My Little One goes straight into her tantrum, further proving to me how little of my longing I share with her. "You haven't paid any attention to me, Jiraya! You said you'd talk to Tsunade but you haven't. It's all your fault we're not having sex, much less anything else. I can live awhile without you in me but you won't give me any undivided attention."

    "Oh ya? Is that your issue Sweet Girl?" I mock, my ego completely rubbed from her whines. "Is that why you're acting out? You miss me? You miss my attention? My dick, you sex addict? You miss my little kisses and touches? You miss our dinners alone?"

     My Sweetheart wraps herself around my arm again, her fingers clinging to me as those big dewy eyes of hers look up at me. It's tempting, to give away to my jealousy, ball her up under me, fuck her against the wall like Genma so desperately wanted to.

     But I can't. She needs to learn there is a time and place. The Hokage palace is neither the right time nor place.

     Her fingers dig into me, clinging to my wrist. "Yes," My Sweet Girl whimpers, as pouty as ever. "Like me back, Jiraiya. Pay attention to me. Like me back," the repeated sentence comes out soft, almost a cry as the words tumble from her lips.

     Her last sentence rings in my ears, making me feel better about whatever this is. This isn't some fling for my student, it's something she wants. Something she craves just as much as me. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I know I've been busy. I'll make it up to you, I promise," I voice, loosening my fingers.

     I tip my head, brushing long-awaited kisses across her face. My Princess feels nice against me, only encouraging my addiction even more.

     Despite the attention, she's still huffy. "Sure you will."

     "I will," I reiterate, shifting my head closer to her ear. "Because I like you back," I whisper, brushing more kisses across her. "We'll go out tomorrow, okay? A nice dinner all alone, and I'll give you all the attention you want. Just be patient, Sweet Girl." I know it's unfair of me, I know she has been patient, I know. But, events of the day are already in motion and I can't put them off. Not unless I want Tsunade on me.

     My kunoichi clings to me tighter, trying to tug my hold off as she whines. "You said that earlier this week. I have been patient. We're not going to get to eat alone, we never do. Hurry up and talk to Tsunade." She gets to be a pouty mess because she's right. We can't go anywhere - much less sit down to eat - without bumping into someone who wants or needs something from me. The life of a famed shinobi and a high-selling author.

"I will. Today. I promise," I mutter, the anxiety of talking to Tsunade already sliding up my spine. I shift my gaze, soaking in the color of her eyes again to help calm myself. "But, tonight I'm going to beat your ass red since you want to be such an unobedient girl," I continue, scanning for her reaction.

From the way my Princess has been reacting recently, she likes it when I'm a little more rugged on occasion. This time isn't any different. Lust pools her eyes as her legs rub together, a tell-all sign that I've turned her on. "Why?" She peeps out, her fake innocence covering her face as she looks up at me.

I can't help but laugh at her little act, at how see-through we both know it is. I dip back down, barely letting our lips touch as I talk. "Why? Because, Little One, you went and acted like you're on the market for anyone to have. You are mine. My student, my kunoichi, mine, and apparently filling up your tight little cunt and marking you up isn't enough proof for you."

My words turn me on just as much as I'm sure they make my Princess brew. Just the thought of my cum dripping out of her pussy is enough to make my dick ache. "You are mine," I say again, watching the way her eyes light up. "Repeat it," I order, desperate to hear her agree. Desperate to know for certain that my Sweetheart does want to be mine.

     "I am yours."

     I am not a religious man, but I swear to whatever God I can find in the time I have left, I will thank them every day for getting to hear those three little words.

     My eyes shoot down, quickly followed by my hand, as I watch my Sweetheart attempt to stimulate herself. She doesn't get to do that, she doesn't get to get off after she's spent the past few minutes teasing me, tempting me.

     I grip her inner thigh, tugging her legs apart as I start my next order. "I have to run an errand for Tsunade. You, Sweetheart, are going to go home, strip, and sit on my bed with your head in my pillows and your ass in the air." The thought of my Obedient Girl actually obeying me strains my pants even more. 

     "You are going to wait, and wait, and wait until I am done. If you even dare to touch yourself, I will overstimulate you until you feel like you can't breathe, am I understood?" It's harsh, like I was before, but I intend to stay true to my words. If my Little One wants to prance around with Genma, she doesn't get to cum on her own. She gets to be reminded of how well I know her body, how easy it is for me to satisfy her, and how quickly I can become too much for her.

     "Yes, Sensei," she mumbles, still trying to rub her thighs together. The plushness of her fills my hand, her tissue soaking through my fingers, turning me on even more. I swear this errand and my conversation with Tsunade is going to feel like an eternity.

     I litter her lips in soft quick kisses, digging in my pocket for my keys. "There's my Obedient Girl. Use those patience I've taught you," I murmur, giving her my keys as I soak in the feeling of her mouth against mine.

     "Yes, Sensei," She repeats a bit louder this time, making the fit Tsunade would throw if I pushed off her errand seem worth it. It's not, I have work to do, I can wait. I can wait. I can wait.

     "Sweet Girl," I praise, tilting my head as the words spill out. I deepen our kiss, keeping us connected longer this time. I can't wait. "Go home and wait," I order, pulling away from her beautiful face. I can't walk away, and if she doesn't, I'm going to get one hell of a beating from Tsunade.

     My Princess does as she's ordered, playing with my keys as she walks away from me. I stay put, watching the way her hips sway as she walks away. I swear this girl is going to be the death of me.

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     The closer to home I get, the more my anxiety seeps out of me. I did it, I told Tsunade about my student and me. She didn’t attack me, she didn’t even yell. All she did was sit there and glare, which somehow was worse than anything else. It means that tomorrow she’s going to have one hell of a reaction. Oh well, that’s tomorrow’s issue.

My balls ache when my front door falls into view. My Sweetheart is waiting for me in there, my Sweetheart that’s about to get her pussy destroyed and her cunt filled. It’s been too long since I’ve left my load in her.

My actions are quick, anticipation fills my balls more than my semen does. It’s a blur, getting into the house and making my way to my bedroom. “Little One?” I call, swinging my bedroom door open.

A groan brews in my throat at the sight of her. She’s laid exactly how I asked her, her head buried in my pillows and her butt in the air. My Princess’s pussy is on display, her wetness glistening and walls clenching for me. “There’s my Obedient Girl,” I coo, walking across the room.

“Welcome home, Sensei. How was your errand?” She asks, knuckles white from clinging to the pillowcase. God damn, I want to shove my dick into her dripping cunt, I want to fuck her until tears coat her face, I want to fill her pussy so much that I’m leaking out of her all through tomorrow.

“It was fine,” I finally answer, eyes still locked on her pulsing cunt. “How has my bedroom been?” I ask, settling on the bed. I run my fingers through her folds, enjoying the warmth and her juices oozing from her.

“Good,” she whimpers, pussy clenching even more from my small touch.

I shift my focus, messing with her hole to see it gap even more for me. I’m a jerk about it, barely pushing my fingertips into her. My focus stays on this spot of her, ways to describe her core running through my head.

After a beat, I tug my fingers further up, focusing my teasing on her clit. “You've been very bratty, Sweetheart. I'm worried my spoiling of you is making you rotten, Princess,” I confess to her despite not actually being that worried about it. I like how bratty she is and how needy she can be. It’s nice having a partner that can keep up with my urges.

My Little One bucks backward, her pussy unsatisfied and upset with my teasing. “I’m not,” she whimpers, his desperately trying to get me to finger her pussy.

“Hush, Little One,” I mutter, smacking her pussy before completely pulling my touch away. I pay attention to how she reacts, partly for her good and partly to describe this scene in my next book. I’ve finally settled on a plot, and beating her ass is going to be the opening chapter. This is going to be the first chapter, her pussy dripping for me and aching even more from the small slap I gave it.

I stand up, off to go find something to spank her with. I could use my hands and watch the way her butt easily fits in my grasp, but if written that scene a hundred times. I need something new, something exciting for my readers.

I settle in front of my desk, shifting stuff around in search of something to use. “Sensei?” My Sweetheart calls, dividing my attention for a second. “What are you doing?” She asks as my eyes settle on my hairbrush. That could work, it could work very well actually.

“I told you, Sweetheart,” I start, heading back towards her. My student has shifted her position, head tucked down to watch me under her pressed-together knees. “I'm going to beat your ass red.”

My eyes jump between her pussy and her face, enjoying the sight of her like this. When my knees collide with the bed, I’m back to action instead of just admiring her. My hand settles in her hair, clinging to her locks as I fix her position. I know I won’t be able to beat her ass if she’s looking at me like that. “Stay like that, Sweet Girl. I don’t need the neighbors hearing you.”

I release her hair, my sights set on the arch of her back. I love how pretty my Princess’s back looks when she’s bent like this. My fingers tumble down, sliding over the bumps and valleys of her spine. I change my mind, I could spend a chapter describing the curves of her back instead of the sight of her pussy.

When I run out of valleys on her back, my attention shifts to her butt. My touches are gentle and soft, toying with her skin to prep it for the spankings it’s going to receive. Once I’m satisfied with my cooing, I focus back on the reasoning for her position. I pull the brush backward before letting it swing down, smacking the plastic of it into her behind.

“Sensei!” My kunoichi squeals, jumping forward from the blooming pain.

My eyes skirt over the blooming pink of her behind, the outline of the brush head stamped into her cheek. “Oh, you’re fine spoiled Princess,” I mutter, scanning her body language, making sure she’s not uncomfortable and that the smack wasn’t too hard. I grip her waist, tugging her back into position.

I go back to calming her skin, toying with the pink skin as I watch the way her pussy clenches from the touch, making sure I’ll be able to describe it perfectly in my rough draft tonight. When I’m satisfied with a description, I turn back to spanking her.

I coat her behind in more spankings, switching between her cheeks as I coat them with pink ovals. It’s intoxicating, the sound of the hard plastic colliding with my student’s skin, the sound of her whines and whimpers, the sight of her pussy clenching.

Her juices drip from her cunt, starting to cost her thighs. “Aw, look at that. You like this, don’t you, Sweetheart?” I tease, landing another smack as the fingers not wrapped around the brush dips into her. “Your pussy is all wet from your spankings,” I continue the mockery, sliding my touch through her pussy. “Let me take care of you, Little One,” I hum out, satisfied with the rest run, though we might have to try again if I struggle with my writing process.

I bend down, sliding my lips over her sore skin as I toy with her, ideas of how to spice up the story tumbling around my head. My eyes flicked to the abandoned brush, an idea forming in my head. I’ve heard stories of women getting off with their hairbrushes, I wonder what that would look like, how my pretty Princess would react.

“Sensei?” My Sweet Girl whines, the sound going straight to my dick. She thrusts backward again, only encouraging the growing boner in my pants.

My fingers wrap around the brush again, tugging it up before I line it to her cunt. “Princess?”

I tip the end of the handle into my Sweetheart, getting her to jump forward in response. “What are you doing?!” She yelps, head snapping down between her legs again.

My student is beautiful, with eyes that enchant me every time I see them. God, I’m addicted to this girl. “You need to learn to listen, Little One,” I start, lining the hairbrush against her again. I tip it back into her, moving slowly just in case. I don’t think it will hurt, but it’s a different plastic than a dildo so I’m still going to be careful. “I told you I wanted to practice scenarios for my new book.”

Her pussy shifts open as I press the plastic further into her. My Sweet Girl’s walls clench around it, trying to sink it further into herself. It doesn’t work though, making me a bit smug. “You’re a pervert,” she mumbles, hips rocking in need.

I give her what she wants, slowly thrusting the brush in and out of her. “I’m not a pervert. I can’t write a scene I haven’t acted out, and you, my Sweet Girl, made it very clear you don’t want me doing my research on other women. So, that leaves you.” It’s an honest observation, even from before we were screwing. It’s gotten worse since we started sleeping together, my kunoichi’s jealousy being just as bad as mine.

My eyes drop at the same time my hand does. I snake it between her legs, quick to find her neglected clit. It doesn’t take long for my Little One to come undone. “Sensei,” she whines, her pussy clinging to the brush as she coats it with her cum.

“Princess,” I call back, dipping my head down. I go straight to licking up her mess, enjoying my fix of her as I occasionally brush a kiss or two against her thighs. “This will make a wonderful chapter for my book,” I mutter, thrusting the handle of the brush into her again. I need to make her orgasm with it once more, just to be sure I can describe the situation perfectly. What an obedient student I have, one that’s perfect for my research.

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[librarianbusdriver]

Ted: Okay, where was I? You were telling us how you met mom. In excruciating detail. Right. So, back in 2005, When I was 27, My two best friends got engaged, And it got me thinking, maybe I should get married.

*Sigh*

And then I saw robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your uncle barney came in. I suggest we play a little game I like to call Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "have you met ted?" Hi. Have you met ted? So I asked her out. But after just one date, I was in love with her Which made me say something stupid. I think I'm in love with you. What?! Oh, dad. So then what happened? Nothing. I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself. So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her. So you're not gonna call her? You went from, "I think I'm in love with you"

Trapped, the same hollow, dull story repeating again, and again, and again all around me. No way to change its course. No way to do anything but just... watch.

To "I'm not gonna call her"? I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract concept Of getting married. It had absolutely nothing to do with robin. Robin. Hi. Look who I ran into. Since when do you guys know each other? Oh, since about... Here. Lily recognized me From the news and... Hello, sailor! They just got engaged. Well, I should get back to the station. See you, guys. Nice seeing you, ted. Yeah, you, too. Thanks. What? Damn it! I'm in love with her. As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. You blew it, it's over, move on. I don't know, I just have this feeling She's the future mrs. Ted mosby. ( Lily squeaks) Lily, you squeaked? She said something about me, didn't she? Come on, spill it, red! Fine. So, what do we think of ted? ( Iaughs) Ted's something else. Huh. I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. Comes on a little strong. But, that's part of my charm. But, that's part of his charm. Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, He's just looking for something A little bit more serious than I am. I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right? Are you kidding? This flapper? Fort knox. Oops. She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual. Cause it's a game... I want her to skip To the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing. But you don't get there unless you play the game. So, are you going to ask her out? Yeah... No! I can't ask her out, Because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out. So, how do I Ask her out without asking her out? Did you guys get high? I got it. I don't ask her out. I invite her To our party next Friday. We're having a party next Friday? We are now. Casual. Like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. Oh, and lily, that's my leg. You waited five minutes to tell me that? All right, so call her up. No, calling's not casual. I just got to bump into her somewhere. Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter. That's great, ted... you'll be the most casual stalker ever. Put that ring on her finger, lily had been, Well, extra affectionate. ( chuckling ): Baby, no. I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. Hey, I'm just sitting here, wearing my ring,

Wallachia, how I miss you.

My beautiful ring. ( Typing) Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore. Or... My underwear. That's right, I'm not wearing any. ( Sighs ) No underwear? Not even slightly. Ted: Guys. Boundaries. Robin ( on tv ): Thanks, bill. I'm reporting from the razzle dazzle supermarket On 75th and columbus... 75th and columbus. Game on! Where four-year-old leroy ellenberg has climbed Inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck. ( Panting ) And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. For metro news 1, I'm robin trubotsky. Engineer: We're clear. Robin: Thanks, don. Whew. Ted. Robin, wow! What are the odds? Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip. I love dip. I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... ( chuckles ) so, uh, hey, you, uh, Reporting a news story or something? Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine. How sweet of you to call it news. Wow. Kid in a crane machine. Mm-hmm. You just had to have that toy, didn't you? Couldn't play the game like everyone else. You're all sweaty! Cute kid. Um, you know, It's so funny I should run into you. We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, If you feel like swinging by. But, you know, whatever. Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight. It is... It's tonight. This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Sorry, I guess I've been saying next Friday all week. But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight. But, you know, whatever. ( Phone rings) Hello? Hey, am I interrupting anything? No, no, I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books. Yeah, well, you and lily Might want to put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye. What are you gonna do when robin shows up? Okay, I got it all planned out. She steps through the door... and where's ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, Showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff. So, robin strolls over, and I casually give her one of these: "hey, what's up?" She says, "hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera." And then, I say, "well, make yourself at home." And, I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later... "oh, you're still here?" I say, like I don't really care, But it's a nice surprise. And then, very casually: Both: The roof! Get her up to the roof, And the roof takes care of the rest. What's so special about the roof? Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof. We do it up there, sometimes. Solid plan, my little friend. But, may I suggest one little modification. Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, Take her up to the roof and have sex with her. Crazy monkey style... That's not the plan. Barney: Well, it should be the plan. I mean, look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smoking! Thank you! Yeah... But, she's not robin! Exactly! Ted, let's rap. Statistic: At every new york party, There's always a girl who has no idea Whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, And you will never see her again. Do you see where I'm going with this? Barney, I don't think so. ( groans ) Scoping.

I miss it all. The childhood spent in that bountiful castle, the beauty of those rolling green fields...

( Imitates sonar beeping ) Scoping. Man, you're a dork. ( Accelerates beeping sound ) Target acquired! Now it's time we play a little game I like to call "have you met ted?" oh, come on, not this. Hi. Have you met ted? No. Hi. Hi. Do you know marshall? Lily? Woman: No. Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party? I work with carlos. Excuse me. Anyone know a carlos? No. No. On a silver platter. Bon appétit. I don't think so. Your loss, her gain. Excuse me. Can I show you the roof? It's magical up there. Sure. Ted: Wait, wait. Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved. Dude, robin's not coming. Hey, she's going to show up! She'll show up. Ted: She didn't show up. At least it was a great party. I ate, like, four whole cans of dip. You always know what to say, old friend. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. No, no, not right away... got to seem casual. ( Ringing continues ) Hello? I'm so sorry I missed your party. Who is this? Meredith? Robin. Oh, robin! Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you? No, I got stuck at work. But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time, And little kids have small bladders. ( Chuckles ) robin: I wish your party Was tonight. It is... the party's tonight. Yeah, uh... It's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual. See ya. So, that was robin. What are you Doing to me, man?! I got a paper to write! I know! Sorry! It's terrible! I'll buy more dip! Ted! Ted, wait! Get french onion! Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write. Okay, fine. But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, And no cuddling after. I'm the luckiest girl alive. You were so right about the roof! The roof! The roof is on fire, ted! That girl from last night... I took her back to my place, Spun her around a couple times and sent her walking. She will never find her way back, and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her? I have no idea who that is. She said she works with carlos. Who's carlos? I don't know any carlos. ( Frustrated groan)

The conquests... the blood of my enemies spilled, and villages burnt to the ground in my name.

Hi, you! You're back! I sure am. Mmm. Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. "Sweetie"? Really? ( Barely audible ): Help. Whoa! Whoa, rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved. All right. So, it's over between me and works-with-carlos girl. Whoa! That was fast. Yeah. I was trying to think, What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? I think I'm in love with you. What?! Thanks, bro. Glad I could help. What the... No, no, no. Come on. Sorry, ted. Great. What am I going to do when robin shows up? She'll show up. She didn't show up. All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now, the kid has got to get to work, And the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me. I will not have sex with marshall. Both: I will not have sex with marshall. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. Hello? Hi, ted. Amanda? Oh, denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like amanda. It's robin. Oh, robin. Hi. I totally wanted to come. I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party, again. Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita. Who am I? I guess there's no chance your two-dayer Turned into a three-dayer? It did, indeed. The party continues tonight. Yeah. Uh, last night, people were like, "keep it going, bro. Party trifecta." Wow! Okay, well, I'll be there. Great! See you tonight. So, that was robin. So, I threw a third party for robin... On a Sunday night. Well, this is lame. Lame... Or casual? Lame. Or casual? Hey, law books. Ready for a little 15 minute recess? Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923? Anybody seen a big-ass book? All ( muttering ): No. Woman: Hello, barney. Of course. You look well. Is it weird they invited both of us? Who? Who invited you? No one even knows who you are! I understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you. Who is carlos?! Hey, where the hell is my...? Oh...! Okay... An introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923 Is not a coaster! Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, Not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met Who's probably not even going to show up! I mean, where is she, ted, huh? Where's robin? Hi. Hi, robin. Wow. So, you threw all these parties for me? No. Oh, you thought that... No! I... Okay, yes. You got me. One of the reasons I threw these parties Was so that I could introduce you To, um, this guy. Uh, I figured, you know, Since it didn't work out between us And now we can just laugh about it... ( laughs weakly) Anyway, robin, this is... Carlos. Oh! Oh! She's still talking to carlos. I can still win this. I-it's not over. Okay, buddy. Time for the tough talk. Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. You want to get married. And right now, There's a million women in new york Looking for exactly you. But robin ain't one of them. She's not just one of them. She's the one. Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof. What are you going to do? Nothing. It's a game. I got to just keep playing it. ( Rock music playing ) Ted... Hey, carlos, can you give us a minute? Hey, no sweat, hombre. See ya. Robin...

Will I ever be freed of this damnable place?

Look, I didn't throw this party To set you up with carlos, Or the one before that, or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. Well, here I am. There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. You're not crazy. I don't know, ted. I mean, we barely know each other And you're looking at me with that look. And, it's like... Like, "let's fall in love and get married And have kids and drive them to soccer practice." I'm not going to force sports on them Unless they're interested. ( Iaughing ) It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl. No, I'm not. I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you Or break your heart, and... I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. Click. Off. Let's make out. What? What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, look, sure, yes, I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. But, on the other hand... You, me, the roof. There's no off switch. There is an off switch. And it's off. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes... It is. No, it's not. You're right. There's no off switch. God, I wish there was an off switch! Me, too. ( Both laughing ) ( both muttering nervously ) What do we do now? We could be friends. Oh... I know it sounds insincere when people say that, But... We could. I don't know, robin. I've made such a jackass of myself here. We start hanging out, every time I see you It'll be like, "oh, that's right. I'm a jackass." You're not a jackass. Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working And I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand. Well, uh, maybe in a few months, After it's not so fresh, We could all, uh, you know, get a beer. Yeah. That sounds good. I'll see you, ted. Or, you know, now. We could all get a beer now. I'd like that. My friends are going to love you... Like you, you know, as a friend. Jackass. Unbelievable. That's just a recipe For disaster. They work together! Are you jealous? Oh, please. What does carlos have that I don't? A date tonight. All: Oh! Stop the tape. Rewind. ( Imitates tape rewinding ) a date tonight. All: Oh! I'm not sure I like her. Hey, don't you have a paper to write? Dude, you're talking to the kid. I'm going to knock back this beer. I'm going to knock back one more beer. I'm going to write a 25-page paper. I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "a." My name is rufus and that's the trufus. ( Iaughter ) Ted: He got a b-minus. But still, 25 pages in one night, b-minus? The kid was good. At least let me buy you a beer. Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer. I'll help carry. You know something, ted? What? You are a catch. You're going to make some girl very happy. And I am going to help you find her. Well, good luck. I mean, maybe new york's just too big a town. I mean, there's millions of people in this city. How, in all this mess, Is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? Hi. Have you met ted? ( Music rises over dialogue )

I do not know if I can, but I must.

[STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB]

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUU-

[carina-xvx-hellebore]

}Carina's Guide to Cute Dragon Girls

So. You want a dragon girlfriend.

But you're worried that your "PUNY MORTAL" frame won't be able to handle a woman like that! What if she hoards all the spoons in the house and refuses to let you use them? What if she brings dead sheep (or people (or sheeple)) into the house? What if you come home one day only to discover that you don't have a home anymore because it's on fire?

Luckily, this guide is here to dash any rumors and disprove any vicious stereotypes one might believe in regarding these wondrous gifts of Bahamut/Tiamat*.

And aiding me with this guide is someone I've been wanting to formally introduce for a while!

Say hello, Merry~{

-_Hi, everyone~_-

}Merry is a rare Violetscale-Brownvane Tier 5 Hybrid Dragon, but you'll find out what that means later. She'll be providing visual aids and additional insight to certain aspects of dragon girls! ...She even brought a bunch of books and everything, apparently.{

-_Yep~ and I couldn't be any more excited (mostly because Cariri agreed to buy me chocolate for every post I help her with)~💜_-

}That's the spirit (I think)~ So, Merry, what do you think the first chapter of this guide should be about?{

-_Well, actually, why don't we start with those stereotypes you were talking about earlier?_-

}Sure, I don't see why not. You, uh... seem rather knowledgeable in that field, anyway.{

-_My parents were chased out of their cave and they dropped me on the way, and the villagers raised me to be a fucking punching bag because of what I am. I'd say I'm a bit more than "rather knowledgeable"._-

}R-Right...{

-_...Anyway, let's go ahead and dive right in~_-

}...r-right! Did you... have any in mind?{

-_Actually~_-

}Uh...{

-_...What? You know how much I love persuasive essays._-

}...Well, then! What's first on the list?{

-_Let's see...

MYTH 1: If you live with a dragon girl, she will hoard all of any object in the house and refuse to give any up.

FACT: Dragons hoard things. It's what we do. It's in our nature. But under no circumstances should you ever worry about us randomly taking your belongings and refusing to give them back. Especially if you're the one moving in with her! In that case, the dragon girl already has her own established hoard, and won't even think about adding any of your stuff to it.

...If she's moving in with you, though, then I'd watch out just a bit. Dragons are very understanding of concepts such as sentiment and personal value, so we look for things we think you won't particularly miss... but it's best to ask your dragon to run each item by you first, just in case._-

}Of course, there are a few exceptions, aren't there?{

-_Well, mostly. A lot of dragons don't really have a hoard in the traditional sense, but rather have neat and tidy collections of things. Your dragon girlfriend may or may not eventually take you out shopping for a nice big cupboard or perhaps a few sets of shelves.

Another thing you need to understand is that, while for most of us it's just impulse, some of us need to keep a hoard, all for varying reasons. It could be a memento of her family, or perhaps the key to her immortality. You should never seek out a cute dragon girl unless you're willing to accept both her and her hoard.

P.S: if you're worried about the items in the hoard going to waste, don't be. If it can be used without being given away (i.e most things that aren't money), we tend to use them quite regularly, and yes, we wash the stuff after if we need to. No point in having a hoard if it isn't shiny and sparkly, and coffee mugs don't stay shiny and sparkly if you don't rinse the cocoa powder out.

MYTH 2: Dragon girls can and will try to kidnap and eat people.

FACT: Raw human flesh tastes absolutely disgusting and none of us care for it very much. Some full dragons like cooked humans, but us dragon girls are much more dignified. We don't even usually have that big of an appetite (unless we're talking about blaze dragons), despite our capacity to eat like three times our own weight. In reality, just pick something up for your girl on your way home, and things'll be fine. Unless she's a blaze dragon. They eat a lot (not shaming them or anything, they literally have to eat a lot; energetic little things).

(Sidenote regarding the image above: yes, clearly we can be lesbians too. This guide is for all of-age audiences. There are even dragon boys. They're just... less common. If girls aren't your thing just pretend we're talking about boys because dragon persons is the same.)_-

}But Merry! What do dragon girls normally eat? Are they carnivores? Are there herbivore dragon girls? What's the deal with that?{

-_I'm glad you deliberately worded it that way, because it allows me to bring something very important up pretty early in this guide:

Dragon girls are not animals. Certain aspects of them may seem animalistic, but if full dragons can be largely intelligent, so can we. We're not pets you can just hand a couple bowls and a stack of paper to, nor are we living sex toys. Please refrain from using words you would normally use to refer to animals with, such as "carnivore" or "herbivore" or anything of the sort. It's misguided at best and racist at worst.

That being said, we eat whatever normal people eat, no strings attached. Some of us stay traditional and prefer meat, but there are definitely vegetarian dragon girls too (albeit for reasons differing from that of a human's reasons). So if you're buying dinner for the both of you, literally just pick whatever up depending on what you know she does and doesn't like. It's as simple as a human girlfriend in this regard. You literally cannot screw this up.

MYTH 3: All dragon girls have a deadly fire breath.

FACT: Dragons were never exclusively fire-breathing. This is actually one of my favorite topics to cover regarding dragon girls, especially since I get to draw reference from one of the books I borrowed!

Mariam Hellebore Oreichalkos, renowned alchemist and studier of dragons, once wrote in a book titled Veil of Draconids that "the myth that all dragons once breathed only flame is merely a result of stories being lost to time; the forgettings of tales in which dragons were masters of other, purer elements. It also does not help that, in the medieval periods of time, fire dragons were the least subtle and definitely the most reckless of their species, and many things in that era were so flammable that the dragons didn't even need to breathe on them. The fact remains that dragons are, always were, and forever will be exceedingly skillful in the manipulations of every force in the world, from the dancing of thunder and lightning, to the soft halation of freshly-fallen snow."_-

}Right... Marie... I forgot about her.{

-_I bet you did. The point here is that dragons come in all kinds of colors, all kinds of shapes, and all kinds of elements.

And what's more, they can control their breath "weapon" in more ways than people realize, ranging from a blaze dragon's "atomic breath" (which is exactly what it seems to be referencing) to an ice dragon's "snowflake burst". It's actually pretty fascinating, honestly, I mean according to Mariam in the next cha-_-

}And that's all the time we have for today! Next chapter will cover scale colors, and the differences between scaled dragon girls and feathered dragon girls! Can't wait~{

-_W-Wait, but I was just about to talk about-_-

}Hey, was that Kade calling just now? Something about... chocolate-flavored beer?{

-_WHAT_-

}...Well! That was fun. Hope y'all enjoy... whatever the hell that was.

And be sure to check back next... month? Week, perhaps? I'm unsure, but there will definitely be more, so look forward to that!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hide somewhere before she realizes I lied about the chocolate beer.{