#'I'll let you get on with being young and in love' is an important line which wouldn't quite work with katya z as most-of-the-runtime katya

[release-the-sheep]

okay but. remake suggestion. katya zamolodchikova. as katya goncharova.

[ohtobeleah]

Cards Close to the Chest // Bob Floyd

Summary: When Bob & Phoenix fall from the sky, Bob’s closest kept secrets come to light as two of the most important people in his life race to his side.

Warnings: Bob Floyd x F!reader. Fluff (poorly written) Mild cock-sure Jake Seresin. Hospitals. F18 accident. Wholesome read.

Word Count: 3k

Author Note: I was just feeling some fluffy Bob content and I thought this would be a good way to break up the tension with all my over dramatic angst/whump. Thank you so much to @a-reader-and-a-writer for beta reading this for me! Vee did gods work with this one.

Main Masterlist | Bob Floyd Masterlist

No significant other wants to receive that call. That dreaded call that tells you that the inevitable has happened. That phone call that sucks all the air from your lungs and replaces it with cement. The very phone call that alters your perception of life, of time, of all the small arguments you ever had with the person you love so dearly. It's the phone call no significant other wants to receive. 

“Is this Mrs Floyd?” The man on the other end of the line asked with a cautiousness that told you he really didn't want the answer to be yes. Your daughter, Millicent, sat in her high chair smashing bananas all over the surface of her tray. Getting to know the texture of the latest solid you had introduced her to. 

“This is she? May I ask who's speaking?” You didn't mean to come across as defensive, but the panic inside your chest had well and truly begun to bloom. Your eyes lingered over to the pair of spare reading glasses your husband left lying around the small apartment the two of you and your young daughter had been staying in. If this was the phone call, the very phone call that was about to alter your life forever you couldn't help but to think of the last time you saw your husband wear those frames. 

“Mrs Floyd, Y/n, my name is Pete Mitchell, Captain Mitchell, or Just Mav will do–” The man on the other end of the line rambled off the list of names he went by. You didn't care all that much, but you let him go on. Your eyes drifted back toward your daughter, the very embodiment of half you and half your husband. Robert Floyd. In your mind, you prayed to whatever god was listening that this wouldn't be the phone call every military spouse dreaded. 

“There was an accident during a training exercise your husband was involved in this morning.” The words all sounded broken and inaudible, all but the few key details.

‘Husband’ ‘Involved’ ‘Accident’ 

“Is he–” Mav knew what the question was going to be, so he gave you no chance to ask, he wanted to be the one to call, he wanted to be the one to tell you that although your husband had been involved in a training accident, he was still in one piece and very much alive. 

“He's alive, still very much in one piece ma’am–” Mav caught himself smiling ever so slightly, despite the looming knowledge in the back of his mind that the situation could have been a lot worse. “They want to keep him overnight for observation, so if you'd like to come in and see him, I'm sure Bob would really appreciate it.” 

The sigh that left your body, the shock that overwhelmed you, the tears that stained your cheek you weren't aware were there all told you one thing—you couldn't live without your husband. 

“O–okay.” You nodded to yourself as if the man on the other end of the line could see you. “Y-yes, I’ll, uh, just get our daughter sorted and I'll be right in.” 

It was then Maverick’s turn to sit in the deafening silence that threatened to consume his entire being. Bob had a daughter? That added a whole other layer to the incident he hadn’t accounted for. 

Bob kept that card close to his chest, his daughter, Mille, was his pride and joy. 

“Try to keep in mind he's okay Mrs Floyd,. Your husband’s a very skilled weapons system officer and his training truly saved his life today.” You hadn’t taken your eyes off your daughter since you remembered how to breathe as you stood in the middle of the small apartment kitchen. She was so innocent, so young, so mesmerised by her dad that she would have known something was wrong if he didn't come home. 

“It's never been my husband's ability that I doubt, Captain Mitchell.” You replied as you wiped away your tears and reached for a sponge to go about cleaning up your daughter's high chair mess. “It's the system he works for that keeps me up at night.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

Jake Seresin had never been so relieved when he was told that both Bob and Phoenix were alright and almost injury-free. Phoenix had a few bumps and bruises, a minor cut on her forearm, and a minor concussion that would surely see her grounded for a week at the minimum. 

Bob was the same, only his ribs had taken a pretty nasty beating when he hit the ground with an unprecedented amount of force. Still, the usually arrogant, somewhat self-loathing, and above all infuriatingly good aviator wasn't about to say how relieved he truly was. 

But he did, however, offer to take Phoenix some personal belongings for her overnight stay in the chateau short-stay ward of the Miramar Base Hospital. 

“Just hold on a minute, sweetheart!” 

Jake didn't mean to stick his nose where it didn't belong, but the ear-piercing cries of a child that couldn't have been any older than one broke him out of his mid-afternoon trance. The carpark at the Base hospital was packed to the rafters, but surely there would have been a parent’s park closer to the entrance? 

Jake wished with every fibre of his being that he could have kept walking, he wished he just could have kept putting one foot in front of the other. But his mother raised him right. With a heavy sigh and a regret deep in his chest, Jake doubled back a few paces and turned his attention to the woman struggling to get up the stroller. 

“Ma’am, I hate to be a bother but do you need a hand?” 

“Me?” You turned around to address the man who’d been the only person to stop while others had walked right on past and whispered under their breath. Some had even stopped to watch, but no one had offered a hand. “Yes, yes please I just need someone to–” 

Assessing the situation, Jake was sure he knew what the issue was. 

Within a few seconds of you trying to explain what was wrong, the man who’d stopped to help had placed the bag he was carrying over his shoulder down onto the ground and stepped hard onto the safety that was jammed. 

“How did you know to do that?” You asked with a look of disbelief as you immediately raced around to grab your daughter out of the car. She was distraught. “Shhh, I’m here, see I told you just a few minutes, didn't I baby?” You tried your best to soothe the crying tot. 

“My sister has the same stroller, gets jammed all the time.” the man smiled politely as he stood by the now perfectly erected stroller. “Jake, Jake Seresin.” 

“I recognise the callsign–” You replied when you finally allowed yourself to take in what the man was wearing. The same Nomex flight suit your husband frequented more often than not. “Yeah, Hangman, you work with my husband.” You beamed as you bounced your daughter softly until she was calm enough to be placed into her stroller. 

Jake was racking his brain trying to figure out who the hell your husband was. He thought he knew everything about everyone he worked with. From the secrets Rooster tried to keep to the fact Payback had a raging nut allergy. BuUt a wife and child? Who the hell had a wife and child and hadn’t bothered to mention it? 

“I work with your husband?” Jake repeated back to you like he was still trying to play catch up. “Sorry, I must be having a mind blank, with all due respect to your husband.” 

“Bob Floyd?” You mentioned your husband's name like it was honey on your tastebuds. Jake truly couldn't compute what you were saying. Bob fucking Floyd was married? Bob Floyd had a kid!? “He had a training accident earlier today with his front seater, scared the absolute hell out of me.” You tried to laugh, but you weren't about to mention to Jake that you'd spent the better half of forty-five minutes in the shower with your daughter having a full-blown panic attack after Mav had called. 

“You're Bob's wife?” Jake asked with a frown that was so deeply indeed on his forehead you truly weren’t sure what was so wrong about the fact you were Bob's wife. “Bob has a wife?” As you clipped your daughter in, Jake picked up the bag he’d been carrying up to the entrance of the hospital before he stopped to help you. 

“Together seven, married for three.” You proudly smiled as you started walking your daughter’s stroller towards the hospital. Jake kept himself in line, walking by your side as he tried to compute the information he was being delivered. “Bob’s a pretty private person, please don't be offended if he didn't tell you we existed.” This wasn't the first time and you knew it wouldn't be the last time you were left to explain that yes, your husband was in fact your husband. 

The chuckle that left Jake's mouth told you it wasn't about being offended. 

“No Ma'am, no offence taken–” He explained through the shit- eating grin. “I just wasn't aware Bob had it in him is all.” The idea Bob had a wife was an easier pill to swallow than Bob having a whole ass child. In Jake's mind, Bob was far too ill-equipped to know how to use what he had. Or at least that was the rough opinion he had of the wallflower-esk weapons system officer. “But it's nice to know the guys got a family.” 

“He does, he’s got us–” You couldn't help it when your eyes welled with tears. “Isn't that right, Millie girl?” 

Jake had never stopped to wonder what the loves of his coworkers were like. Sure, he knew Phoenix and Rooster prior to their return to TopGun, but never once had he stopped to think if Bob had a family. 

“He’s a real lucky guy.” Jake confirmed as he walked with you. “Gorgeous wife, cute kid, I'm sure he’s gonna be really happy to see you after the day he’s had.” 

***~***~***~***~***~

In all the time Bob had flown for the United State Navy, this had been his closest call with death. The bed sheets that covered the small hospital bed scratched at his exposed skin. The paper-thin hospital gown that now adorned his body left little to the imagination if he stood. 

The very last person Bob expected to see enter his hospital room was Jake Seresin. Bob thought he was having an all-out nightmare when the cock-sure aviator walked in with a shit-eating grin as wide as his cheeks would allow him. 

“No–no absolutely not.” Bob shook his head in utter disbelief. “You don't get to come in here and give me shit after I fell hundreds of metres out of the sky.” It had been a rough day to say the very least and all Bob wanted more than anything else in the entire world was to hug you and his baby girl. “Hangman, I'm so serious right now–” Bob pressed as Jake stood with a proud chest and that smug ass grin by the door of his hospital room, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. 

“You know, that's no way to talk to the man who saved your damsel in distress wife in the carpark–” Jake replied as you rounded the corner and pushed your daughter’s stroller into the hospital room. “Funny, I don't think any of us knew you were married, Floyd.” 

Bob's demeanour immediately softened as you made your way over with tears of mixed emotions welling in your eyes. Bob’s eyes mimicked yours, those baby blue eyes were quick to fill with clear but heavy tears as you sat on his bedside. 

“I'll leave you guys alone.” Jake knew when to leave a room, and he had someone else to go see after all. Phoenix, probably the only woman on the planet who could keep his ego from inflating to new heights. “Put some WD40 on the safety of your daughter's stroller too. It's starting to lock up–” Jake made sure to tell Bob before he left the room, still carrying the bag full of Natasha’s personal belongings he promised he would hand deliver. Bob's precious cargo however, the family that loved him to the moon and back and three times over, seemed like a more pressing delivery to complete first. 

“Bob–” Your hands were on your husband's cheeks the second Bob leaned in to kiss your lips ever so tenderly. The pads of your thumbs worked to wipe away the tears that spilled over his lower lash line, staining his cheeks with a salty layer of tears. “What on earth am I gonna do with you, hey?” You smiled through the kiss, speaking against your husband's supplye lips as he tried to keep his composure. “Falling from the sky like that? You scared me half to death.” 

“I’m sorry–” It was the first thing Bob was able to muster as you pulled away and reached down for your little girl. “I'm so sorry. Phoenix got us out of a pretty rough spot, she's the reason I'm still here.” 

You’d never met the woman who was currently flying with the love of your life, but you had to trust her. There was no room to not to. 

“Someone was enjoying her banana mush when Captain Mitchell called.” You explained as you picked up your daughter and handed her to Bob who was waisting with open arms and bright eyes. He was so relieved to be able to hold his daughter again, you could see that much as clear as day. “Isn't that right Millie, yeah–yeah, Dad really threw a spanner in the works, didn't he?” 

“Hey, baby girl.” Bob mumbled into the crook of his little girl's neck as he held her close to his chest. The burn in his ribs was worth it as she used his thighs as a stable surface to tiptoe on. “Oh my goodness, I can't even begin to explain how much I love you both.” 

“We love you so much.” You leaned in once again to kiss your husband's lips. “I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. You don't get to scare me like this again, okay?” 

Bob knew that you knew he couldn't promise you that, that was the worst part. He knew this could happen again and possibly be a worse outcome than this. But Bob also knew you needed reassurance he was here, that he was safe and that he wasn't going anywhere. 

Death himself would have to drag him down to hell kicking and screaming before he ever left you. 

“I'm not going anywhere baby, not now, not ever.” Bob cooed as he kissed you back, thankful he got to come home to his girls after such a life-threatening accident. The WSO knew he would have to see a shrink before getting in the cockpit again. How he was going to explain away the nightmares of leaving his wife a widow and his daughter fatherless he’d never know. “I’m here, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere.” 

“Phoenix, I don't think you're supposed to be walking?” Jake's voice echoed down the hall as you and Bob looked towards the door of his hospital room. There, in the doorway, stood Natasha Trace with wide eyes and shocked horror written all over her face. It was clear to you at that moment that Bob hadn’t told her either, Bob hadn’t told anyone about you or his daughter. You were the two closest cards he kept close to his chest. 

“You have a family!?” Phoenix asked almost as if the answer was unclear. “Bob, you have a family and didn't tell me? Didn't tell any of us?” There was a rhyme to Bob's reasoning as to why he kept the two of you a secret. Bob just wanted something all for himself. He liked to keep his work life and private life as separate as possible. The Navy could be all-consuming on its best days, coming home to you and knowing not a single person could interrupt or stop by was simply the best version of heaven neither Bob could ever think of. 

He just wanted his family all to himself, something the Navy couldn't control, couldn't touch, couldn't taint. 

“Nix, this is my wife, Y/n, and my daughter Millicent.” Bob introduced the pair of you softly. “My best girls. “My whole world is in these two.” 

You sent the clearly distressed aviator a simple smile and a soft wave as you stood from your husband’s beside. You understood this was a lot for her to take in. The idea that her WSo had more to lose than she ever thought. 

“I'm still getting over the fact you have a daughter.” Jake interrupted from behind Phoenix as you walked closer to where she stood to take her in a warm embrace. 

“Jealousy is a disease, Seresin, I can tell you exactly how I made my daughter too if you want?” Bob held his daughter in hips lap as she babbled to herself as he helped her stand on her feet. She wasn’t walking yet, not even close. But she loved to stand. 

“My husband tells me you’re the reason he's still alive.” You spoke to Natasha like she deserved to be told this accident wasn't her fault. It could have happened to anyone. It shouldn't have happened to your husband and his front seater, but that was the luck of the draw–and you were blatantly aware it could have been much, much worse. 

“So, thank you for making sure he gets to come home another night.”

***~***~***~***~***~

[verosikastrikerstellaexcuser]

Stella, her existence for the sole purpose of birthing an heir, and Octavia:

I could see Stella absolutely wanting nothing to do with a kid she was only tjere to produce, and feeling absolutely horrified at having to lay an egg that she (probably, based off how dismissive in s2(but was that rewriting to make her seem more bitchy?)) disconnects emotionally from Octavia for several years and made it harder for them to connect, especially in the beginning.

The creeping guilt of "i wanted nothing to do with this,b ut she's my daughter, so i have to care" and struggling to find the line between "i have been mentally scarred but i shouldn't take it out on A Literal Child" and either then turning the anger inward (why do i hate something that came from me) or outward (this is also partially Stolas's fault because he played a part) and struggling to hide it from Octavia as she grew up.

The balance of hating the pathway to how Octavia was born vs trying to remember thag the child herself is innocent.

She finally finds a balance between the two, just for Stolas to upend their life for someone he brought into their bed. They could have, if either of them really tried, discussed it ages ago and set up a 'we are married for x reason, but here is y, z, a options for pur sexuality clashes and how we want to portray our life to others' but you get flat, 1 dimensional characters who only exist to prop up male characters.

Maybe in the beginning, Stella would have been open to a discussion about Stolas being gay and figuring out how to work with it. But it's all just a game to stolas ("i thought love would be fun" is the line i think of when it comes to Stolas & Stella's marriage. Unsure if it's from when he's singing in his library in the beginning of s2 or from jlmw music video) and Stella is no longer playing the game.

She's bitter, she's never had fun, she was there for one reason & one reason alone.

And it's such wasted potential to talk about how people who have kids suffer post partum and absolutely have a hard time connecting w kids they want, let alone kids that are the product of abusive & r*pe.

Is Stella a bad mother? We don't know because we aren't shown. Is there potential for her to suffer from the marriage and it affect her relationship with Via and make it 1000 times harder to connect, vs Stolas, who didn't have to carry(???) an egg (it's so confusing on the dynamics of egg birthing in this show. Don't just drop a single "glad the egg fell out" like. Give us details, world building, background, please) and thus can connect with a child easier?

And they were maximum 18 when Via was born, which makes all of it so much harder to process & deal with when you become a parent so young.

YES YES YES YES YES OH MY GOD YES YOU GET IT YOU UNDERSTAND.

SERIOUSLY... seriously seriously Stella is such a wasted opportunity to explore what happens when you force someone who doesn't want to bear a child to bear a child. They could have explored amazing stuff like not making her the best mother at first that only bonds with her daughter later due to postnatal disorder, and showing her feelings changing overtime as she comes to terms with losing her autonomy in place of gaining a daughter who didn't ask for any of this either and that shes going to make the most of. Just as 1 example. So much could have been explored...

and I'll just say it. Representation is important. But honestly. This show could have benefited more from more and better focus on other stuff like addiction and not just so much shipping/relationship stuff (tbf I'm talking about the het ones too but I feel like I have to preface in case anyone thinks this is me being annoyed at the existence of any ships/any gay ships at all, its not. Its just a wish some other stuff could get more of a focus because often the content sitting right there for it would have been better).

[ketterdamskaelishprince]

ada's spectre, and why i'll likely always feel sad about it

here is the promised analysis/talk about ada's spectre. going to preface this by saying i obviously don't know the true intent behind everything and her design, i just like to look, giggle and then make sad little observations which just help me love this silly webcomic even more. so if you disagree with me on something– totally ok! i love to learn and i love to see different interpretations.

there's also a few bits i missed out because i wrote this all last night in a bit of a haze, and i cannot be bothered to expand on some of my ideas, especially when it's just stuff like "BROS SO PARANOID AND RAW RIGHT NOW".

anyways, here we go :) @mugcereal this one's for u pookie <3

so i think with ada's spectre, we first need to look at the instance as to how she gets it, because that always makes things way more sad!

to specify, she turns into her spectre at episode 69, and i think it's really sad how she does it. she basically gets a string of roasts from prospero that go along the lines of calling her "conceited" "twadry" and "... and stupid!" – effectively throwing back in ada's face what she believes everyone thinks of her.

(obviously, as a very big and glaring sidenote, i believe prospero is aro/ace or just aromantic so OBVIOUSLY i am not bashing him for this. bros told her so many times that he doesn't want to be with her, let alone to be touched. that is a flaw in ada's character and is a reminder to us on the importance of boundaries!!!!)

so, ada is basically there, collapsed on the floor in a robe– effectively showing the most intimate and private part of herself as an insecure and lonely girl. and that's when she transforms.

i think it's interesting to understand how this most likely links to her life and how she died. so we know she was killed with an axe, most likely by the man she fell in love with and worked for, and how prospero's words in this situation, hurt her just the same as the words before her death. why?

because they remind ada of what she knows and fears she is: just a stupid, fake and cheap person who will never have the same status and respect as the people she pretends to be and surrounds herself by.

i think it's also interesting that she's clutching her stomach/torso here, and correct me if i'm wrong but that could be a potential signal to the part of her that was axed to death (?). no idea if that's a good shout or not but it's what i first thought!

anyways! now we move onto her spectre design!

first of all, her spectre design eats. like just a personal side note, i love it. it's just so gorgeous and i don't care if she's terrifying to some because to ME? to me, she's my gorgeous little pookie who can scream and show people their worst fears and she looks amazing whilst she does it <3

ok anyways, actual design.

to first understand her design, i thought i'd show you what banshee's traditionally in folklore look like!

typically, they are described in two ways. the first way is a youthful women with long black hair, blue eyes and just super pale. this description could also lose the blue eyes and just keep the black hair– either way the first depiction of a banshee is a super young woman.

this is not the one we're focussing on today folks!

we're going to focus on the second depiction. a hag/ old woman, with red cheeks, a grey cloak and a green dress, often seen to be combing her hair. banshee's throughout folklore are known to wail, scream and cry when a family member had died. to most, the banshee was a sign that death was coming to your household and they are known in myths and folklore as a predictor of death.

now, hold onto the green dress and look at ada's design real quick for me.

here we see a lot of green, which yay! definitely shows signs it comes from the second depiction. i think, on top of it being a nod to the second depiction, i think it could also be an allusion to something else: jealousy.

green symbolism in media can often vary, from meaning new life, luck and also jealousy. and i think if we take in the things ada screams whilst in her spectre form, such as this from episode 82:

you see there definitely is some sort of jealousy there, but this isn't something i necessarily want to focus on, it's just an observation i made that may or may not be true!

anyways, to continue, i want to look at ada's outfit when she's a banshee. i'm going to basically be making my notes i took last night look nicer.

(keep in mind that when i wrote these, my ideas were literally bouncing off my brain and sometimes they're a bit contradictory, but i think that's the beauty of my crack theory analysis!)

i think the act of almost showing her bones to the outside, there's a level of rawness to ada we don't usually see. her spectre form essentially gives her the power to scream out her anger, and by seeing her bones it's almost as if to say this is the ada she doesn't show people. this is the ada that she keeps to herself because god forbid anybody love her (because in life and death it's become abundantly apparent to her that nobody does seem to love that ada).

but then, what i thought was also a super cool thing as how the bones almost act like a corset!

then i got sad because i looked at the bows, and because something dawned on me and it made me start to frown. there was a sad realization to me as i looked at ada's spectre design that even in this all powerful form, she hasn't lost her insecurities, they just become more prevellant. because for all of the traditional wrinkles, hag-like appearance a banshee is meant to have, ada barely has any.

obviously this could be in part to character design and stuff, and yeah probably– but let me be sad!

because ada carries her frills and bows from life here because she doesn't want to be ugly, she doesn't want to be this creeping monster who rips apart people. because if she's not got her intelligence or status or anything going for her, she has her appearance and by god she's not going to let that go to waste. so here her spectre form is, a banshee.

so what must ada do? she must takes her frills and keep her insecurities, her fears and her crippling need to be loved.

another aspect which is super interesting is the stitching on her body. one one hand, it could be an allusion to her violent death, suggesting the man she fell in love with didn't just stop at axing her once, but just kept on fucking going (which, you know: fuck you, whoever you are).

but on the other hand, it could be a metaphor for ada's thinly veiled facade she puts on of being a prim and proper lady (which we actually, interestingly enough, see she looses a lot the more time she spends with montresor– opting to take parts of his language like "ain't" and "beggin'". this sort of leads on from previous ideas people have made of ada willing to change herself to be loved. she swaps civility for the wild wild west all for a bit of love).

ada offers up parts of herself in this metaphor. that's what she always does. she offers herself to the rich man she fell in love with, she offers herself up to prospero (again, look at the. side note. bro wasn't wrong for rejecting her he literally can't like her) and she offers herself up to the acolytes and she fucking barks for them (because i'm not over that).

piece by piece, she strips away everything she is until she literally is just skin and bone. and once she's torn herself apart, she needs to stitch herself back together– because it's against the facade she's put on to look so broken and messy. and so she repeats the cycle again, giving more and more until she is literally hanging on by a thread.

her powers are also super cool. traditionally, as i said, banshees wail when a family member is soon to die/has died, and is often like an omen/predictor of death. so yeah, ada having a banshee scream makes sense. but the whole 'fear itself' is also super cool. i kind of like that she has this– because its sort of satisfying for her, the girl who's been pushed over but still comes running back, to watch as people become paralysed with fear. idk, retribution or whatever.

i'm going to leave you with this not very profound thing i wrote last night (and then just some other mumblings):

i think that although spectres are super powerful and also just a very fantastic concept, they're also fragile. spectres are quite literally the monster inside of you. yet here ada's monster is, and with all her bows and revamped dress of a banshee (or potentially an allusion to her life as a maid) she tries desperately to be anything but that. because to here it's ugly and it's too much of her on display. and with some much of you on display comes the very fear that if you are hated, disliked or something repulsive, you no longer have anything to blame on anybody else. you just have yourself to blame.

(as morella says here in episode 88).

i'm not saying ada isn't deeply flawed, because she is. she has so much fucking baggage and insecurities that they literally forbid her from doing the right thing sometimes. i don't think she's a good person, but i also think that she has the opportunity to be a good person/ do a semi-good/ non-bad thing, and all she has to do is take it. but i also think it's nice how that's shown in her spectre design.

and, you know, if none of this makes sense, that's also fine!

anyways, yeah. somebody tell me never to make a random analysis at night again because it's a bit of a bitch to translate in the morning.

[hughungrybear]

The lyrical essay in the series

(Thanks to Ms. Maneki-Neko's class 😅)

***Pretty sure everyone noticed the lines being recited, mostly during the end of each episode. I thought that the lines are pretty interesting and give added context to TianWang's story 😊. The essay is recited by Jiang Tian in the series. Also, since the series is on-going, this will be a work-in-progress.***

The cicadas in that summer were more noisy than in any other year. The lush branches outside the classroom windows couldn't block the sunshine. The breeze blew through the treetops, and the sun shined brightly. They were so young.

from Episode 1: "He's NOT my brother"

He is like a tree, without happiness or sadness. A part of his body will be sleeping in the earth peacefully; a part will be dancing with the wind joyfully; a part will be providing green shade willingly; and a part will be bathing in the sunshine warmly. So quiet and so proud will he be that he won't have to depend on anyone, or search for anything. (Tian's note: Lyrical essays set the mood without being explicit, like placing an arm around his shoulder to subtly show I've already got him on my side.)

from Episode 2: "Getting close is just lips touching"

Deep into the night, all is silent. I don't know which cicada it is, but it suddenly lets out a long cry. Even though it's late summer, I feel a flutter like it's early spring.

from Episode 4: "The glamorous end of the century"

A young man's heart is unpredictable as June weather, heavy rain pouring and clouds overhead, feeling like it will never end. But when the rain stops, it's all bright again with the sun hanging up high.

From Episode 5: "Closed, as the wind rises..."

The gods take away people's fears. Young men's love is intense and passionate. At that moment, the sunset bathed the winding Tamsui River. Stained-glass windows were outlines in a golden hue, and the feather on the clasp had a glowing edge. Time, like this blessing, feels gentle and everlasting.

From Episode 7: "Belonging. Let's live in the dorm together"

Bonus not part of the lyrical writing (usually quoted from Wang, either at the beginning or end of the ep):

At that moment, I completely forgot what the English teacher had said about the difference between "up to you" and "down to you". It wasn't until later that I realised when Jiang Tian said those words, my world was already upside down. My world was turned upside down.

from Episode 3: "Actually, we can give it a try"

Venus and Mars are in a 180-degree opposition, creating a powerful and intense attraction. The impossible can be possible. A twist, and it's the glamorous end of the century.

from Episode 4: "The glamorous end of the century"

If there's only one person in the world who can understand you, he is the most important. I just know there's a time for everything. I should go a little wild while I'm young. After all, I'll have decades ahead to play it safe. What's the rush?

From Episode 6: "When will the schedule start?"

Isn't there a saying that when you can drop the pretense and comfortably share both troubles and joys, you'll become friends?

(Tian's thought while looking at Wang)

When I feel abandoned by the world and think nothing I do will make a difference, I forget that someone with no place to call home is still trying so hard for me and giving his all to protect me.

(Wang's thought on Tian while the latter is frantically looking for him)

From Episode 7: "Belonging. Let's live in the dorm together"

A girl's shyness is like a tender cherry under the sunlight...16- and 17-year-olds are like fruits in the morning sun, sparkling.

(Passages read by Wang from the Guide to Lyrical Writing)

It's like something straight out of the Guide to Lyrical Writing. All 16- and 17-year-olds are shining.

(Tian reminiscing as he finally empties his suitcase)

From Episode 8: "16- and 17-year-olds are shining"

[itsyoung8]

My theories in Bully #2

Bonjour ou bonsoir! It all depends on where you are reading this post. Today I wanted to share with you some of my theories that I had during this time of absence.

WARNING: this post is going to be about sex at some point. If you are young and/or uncomfortable with this topic, please do not read. Even if these are soft words, I still prefer to warn since many here are minors

Bryce occupies a fairly important place in the hierarchy of preppies, contrary to what one might think. He is the second right hand man of Derby, after Bif, which puts him quite high compared to the others and especially Tad. What makes me say this is that, during the fight against Russell in the hole and during the fight against Derby during the complete chaos, Bryce is on Derby's side instead of Bif. I think when Bif is not able to be Derby's right-hand man, Bryce replaces him. Bif and Bryce share the same statistics as Bif in boxing as well as his fighting style and health bar (source: Bryce's wiki profile). Thus, for Derby, Bryce is the most suitable to replace Bif when the latter is not available. Derby wouldn't take someone who couldn't provide his physical protection like Tad for example. This is why Bryce is above Tad in the hierarchy although he does not give orders at any point in the game or have any importance in the story.

The choice to put Zoe as Jimmy's last girlfriend is well thought out. In each chapter, Jimmy ends up dating a girl but breaks up with her in the next chapter to date another. This stops from the moment he dates Zoe at the end of Chapter 5. Every girl before Zoe had something that made Jimmy get tired of her: too involved in studies for Beatrice, too concerned about her social status for Pinky, too manipulative for Lola, and too obsessed with her beauty and popularity for Mandy. Zoe is Jimmy's last girlfriend and the one he will stay with until the end of his life. Jimmy sees that it's finally the right one since she's not too much like this or too much like that. This is why he will only confess his love to her (see scene when we start the Complete Mahyem mission) since he judges her as the right person. This explains why, I think, the choice of Zoe as the last girlfriend is thoughtful.

!!WARNING: IN THE THEORY THAT FOLLOWS, THE DESIGNATION OF SEX WILL BE PRESENT!!

Wade is scared of being in a romantic relationship with a girl because he doesn't want to end up like his parents, which is to say divorced. We can rely on this line: "Sure I'll ask her out one day, then we'll wind up being married and divorced, just like ma and pa." This fear pushes him to only want to have sexual relations with girls since this does not necessarily involve a romantic relationship. Moreover, some lines of Wade's dialogues can show us that he is only attracted by this as: "How can I get in her pants? Cologne, dad always wears cologne." and "My dad says he's gonna buy me some condoms so I can like... do it with chicks, you know?". (Feel free to tell me if I'm wrong about the first line of dialogue the English speakers. To me, it shows that Wade wants sex but maybe I'm wrong)

Gurney managed to infiltrate the school, to set fire to the gymnasium, thanks to Gary. When you read the prefects' file, you can see that they are corrupt (except for Max perhaps). It can then be assumed that Gary paid them in exchange for letting Gurney into the school to access the gymnasium. You will tell me "yes, but Gurney may also have gone through the shortcuts near the asylum and which are connected to the school". It can be possible. But I have the impression that only Jimmy knows these shortcuts because, for a long time, they were blocked by stones or barriers. So in my opinion, Gurney went through the entrance of the school thanks to Gary.

Ricky's hatred of jocks isn't just because his ex probably left him for a jock. It is known that Ricky is one of the only students at Bulloworth Academy to openly denounce Mr. Burton's behavior towards the girls at the school. It is also known that most jocks are very fond of Burton since it provides them with steroids and/or has done them no harm. So, when the Zoe vs. Burton affair breaks out, the jocks come to Burton's defense and somehow save him from being fired. Ricky seeing this, has an even stronger hatred for jocks.

In Damon's wiki page, it says that he holds a grudge against the preppies. For me, it would be due to money. Damon holds a grudge against them because, prior to the main story, Damon and the preppies were allegedly involved in something in which the preppies used the money to achieve their end, leaving Damon to be the big loser in that story. This grudge is the same as the one against Ted but for the same reasons. He holds a grudge against Ted because he was chosen to be the quarterback only because he was the most popular in the school, leaving Damon as the big loser. That's why Damon spits on Ted's back in the process. Damon holds a grudge against the preppies and Ted because they got what they want easily, unlike Damon who works hard to get nothing in the end.

This is the end of this second post on my theories. Thanks for reading to the end! Au revoir!

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | eighteen.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.3k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, heart to heart with jisung, flashback scene which also includes a heart to heart with jisung, pachi just tries to keep it real for his bestfriends

A few weeks have passed, maybe close to a month or so, and you haven't really spoken to Jisung. You have, but it was clear that he was respecting your space and preventing himself from being too overbearing. You're glad the message came across your friends clearly; however, today, you find yourself missing your bestfriend and eager to talk to him.

You believe you're ready to face Jisung.

"Mrs. Pak, I'm just going to take a call outside. I'll be right back." 

"Of course. Take your time, sweetheart." She smiles just as you step outside the back door, pulling out your phone to call Jisung. You kick at the leaves beneath your feet, the line ringing about 3 times before you hear Jisung rustling in the background.

"Hey." Jisung answers on the other line. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good pachi."

"Good. What's up then, cielo?"

"Can we talk later?"

"We can always talk."

"No, I mean about everything."

"Oh, okay." He clears his throat. "Yeah, of course. If you're ready to."

"I think I am. At least, with you."

"Fair. Do you want me to pick you up? We can grab food and just hang out somewhere."

"That sounds good. I'm at work right now, I won't be off until later today."

"Just text me when you're off. I'll come."

"Okay. Thanks, pachi. I'll see you later."

"Have a good day at work, and take your breaks." He says before keeping the call short and ending it there. You walk back into the shop, tucking your phone into the little apron pocket you have on the front. 

"Everything okay?" Mrs. Pak asks as she fixes a few of the displays in store.

"Kind of?"

"You haven't really talked to your friends?"

"Not really, except Jisung. Chan and Seungmin every now and then about something random."

"Are you sure you've been doing okay?"

"I don't know, Mrs. Pak. I'm trying to give myself the time I need, and I'm trying to give myself the distance I need. It gets difficult when they're all I've known, even now."

"I'm sure they understand. You guys are so young, you're still learning about life and how to navigate the toughest storms."

"Yeah, perhaps." You fiddle with a few stems as you rearrange flowers in a vase. "I'm gonna talk to Jisung later, though. About everything."

"Don't force yourself out of obligation."

"I know." You give her a small smile. "I think I'm ready."

"Good, as long as you are." She gives you a small squeeze on the arm. "I know he is your bestfriend and I know he's only trying to protect you." She continues to look at you. "What about Minho?" You pause and look at her, giving her a tight, pursed smile.

"I don't know. I think I'll talk to him soon, too. But, I don't think I'm ready to keep him close." You let out a breath. "It sucks, but I just don't think I'll be ready to for awhile."

"That's okay, love. If he truly wants to be here for you and grow from his mistakes, he will give you that time without question."

"I hope so, Mrs. Pak."

After your shift, you can already see Jisung's car parked around the corner— his music slightly echoing into the alley. You clean up and quickly close up shop, waving to Mrs. Pak as the both of you go your separate ways.

"Thanks for picking me up, Ji." You softly say as you buckle in and let out a breath, hoping the ride won't be too bad [or awkward]. 

"No biggie. Wanna just grab some bowls at the milk tea place?" You already know what he's talking about, so you nod and let Jisung take over. 

"That sounds good."

"How was work?"

"It wasn't too bad."

"Tired?"

"Yeah, kinda."

"I won't keep you out for long so you can get rest."

"It's alright, pachi. I appreciate it, though." You look at him as you lean back against the head rest, slight exhaustion taking over during the calming car ride. Jisung gives you a small smile before shifting his attention back to the road. He can tell you're tired, and he knows you've got a million things running through your mind right now.

But, he's mainly concerned arriving to the destination in one piece and getting this much-needed conversation done. He really misses his bestfriend and he truly hopes you aren't mad at him anymore— though, he would understand if you still needed space.

Upon arriving to the milk tea place, Jisung has to circle a couple of times before he finds a decent parking spot. It's pretty packed inside for the early evening, and it takes about 20 minutes before you're walking out with food and drinks in your hand.

Jisung decides he wants to head to the beach to eat since the weather seems to be cooperating tonight. He increases the music volume a tad bit, humming along as he drives off to the shoreline.

Luckily, the beach is quite empty— giving you and Jisung the peace and solace needed for the conversation that's about to happen. Jisung takes the bags of food in his hand even though you offer to help haul some. You take the lead towards the bench, plopping onto a criss-crossed position just as Jisung takes a seat next to you and sets the bag on the floor. The night sky is clear, though it's a bit cold and there's a slight breeze that adds onto it. But, Jisung offered his extra jacket from the back of his car earlier as an added layer of protection from the cold— making it all the less unbearable. Jisung unpacks the food and hands you your bowl before settling with his. The both of you quietly eat and look out at the view before you manage to break the silence first.

"Thanks for the food, pachi."

"Of course." He smiles. "You must be hungry. Eat up."

"I'm okay, surprisingly." You dig into your bowl and take another bite. "How's everyone been at home?"

"Everyone's been alright. Busy. We haven't really had time to get together and eat. I guess everyone's taking on more than usual lately."

"Busy is good. But, not too busy. I hope you guys are still eating and getting proper rest." Jisung shrugs.

"We try." He turns to you. "What about you? How have you been feeling?"

"I don't know, honestly." You let out a small sigh, making Jisung shift his attention back to you— cheek full of food. "I'm still trying to process everything that happened with Minho. It sucks, and I know it was all in the past. But, it still hurts to know that he was capable of doing that. I just, I know—" You sigh and shake your head, Jisung finally taking a sip of his water after finally going through his last bite of food. "I'm rambling. I should've known that even the person I love the most is capable of doing the most damage. Maybe I should've known better."

"It's not your fault, Y/N. None of this was your fault." Jisung pauses before continuing. "It's true you could find both qualities in the person you love, but over the years, there was no reason for you to believe that. Minho had always been good to you. It's just unfortunate that he made some sudden, impulsive decisions based off of his current feelings at the time without really thinking about it."

"Mm yeah, I think what hurts the most is that he made me an option. I went from being his priority to an option. A second choice. Even though I think.. I did my best in our relationship. Right? I tried?" Jisung gives you a tiny toothless smile with a nod.

"Of course you did. You always did. So, that's just to say, this wasn't your fault. Don't start thinking about where you could've done better, or what you could've improved. There was nothing. You gave it your all."

"I don't really know what this brings for us, and I think that's also what's hurting me." You pick at your food. "Our timing is incredibly off. I just wish he told me before I started—" You let out a breath before looking at Jisung, bottom lip trembling. "Before I started letting him in again." And Jisung knows exactly what that means. Before your feelings started to [re]surface, before you got too comfortable, too safe. "My feelings were strong, and I thought he had easily become my safe space. That he was always my safe space. Think I could be wrong." Your head drops again.

"I'm sorry, cielo. I wish I did more to prevent this from happening, and I'm sorry I didn't. I knew it was wrong, but I—" He sighs. "I was trying to be neutral because I didn't wanna be in your business. Plus, even if I told him he needed to tell you sooner than later, I couldn't force him. You needed to hear this from him and no one else. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I hope you understand my point of view but please also know that I tried everything within my boundaries. Chan and Seungmin did, too."

"I know, pachi. I know." You give him a gentle squeeze on the wrist. 

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad."

"You have every right to be mad."

"I'm not." You chuckle a bit.

"Okay." Jisung smiles.

"But, I probably won't talk about this out loud again for a while."

"W-what about Minho?" He hesitates to ask.

"To be honest, I don't think I'll talk to him for awhile." You say lowly, feeling incredibly sad hearing the statement slip through your lips. But, you know it has to be done. You're not ready, and you don't want to force anything.

It's just incredibly sad because you do have feelings for him. 

You do have love for him.

If that love prevails though, if you two were meant to be in this time, he'd be there in the end. He'd understand you, he'd wait for you, he'd let this fall into place when it should.

If it should.

It adds onto the pain to think about, knowing there's a possibility this could go either way. But, this was your second chance at life, another reason to do you, for you.

"I understand." Jisung swallows the lump in his throat, remembering that time when you came to him right before you got back together with Minho.

☁︎ FLASHBACK

"Here." Jisung hands you your milk tea before sitting in the chair next to you.

"Thanks, pachi." You poke your straw in through the lid, eyes gazing back up at the stars. The night sky is clear, though it's a bit chillier than normal. You have a blanket wrapped around you while Jisung has on a thick jacket, a scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Where's Minho?"

"Dance workshop."

"Hm, okay." Jisung sits back comfortably and joins you in looking up at the stars. "So, how did your talk with him go?"

"It was good. He told me he wanted to get back together, but he said he'd wait."

"I mean, that's on you, cielo." You furrow your brows.

"Greatest advice."

"I'm serious." He shrugs. "Listen, I know he's been really trying and it's obvious that his actions are genuine. That he wants you back. I know he means it. But, do you feel ready?"

"I don't know, Ji. I think so. I miss him, too." You look at him while sipping your milk tea. "He has shown it through his actions over time."

"As long as you're ready." Jisung lets out a breath. "He was stupid. But, to be devil's advocate, I know he loves you and cares about you at the end of the day. May not have been the right way to go about things, and it's terrible he had to learn the hard way. But, he is trying. I can see it."

"Yeah. I guess we're just one of those couples." You make a face, and Jisung chuckles. "Shit is definitely not easy."

"Mm. Gross." You punch Jisung on the bicep and he laughs. "Kidding, dude."

"Do you think he truly loves me?"

"I don't know if I can answer that, cielo. Do you feel like he does? Can you really see it through his actions? Love is an action, it should be shown. It should be felt. Not just through words."

"I do."

"Then, that's what matters between you two. You love him, right?"

"Mhm. I don't think I stopped. Even when it hurt me the most."

"I'm sorry. I know. You've always shown it in your actions, I don't think Minho has ever questioned it. He's lucky. I hope he realizes it and sticks with it." The two of you stay silent for a bit.

"Jisung?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think he really had feelings for Kat?"

"Uh." He sighs. "I don't think so. I honestly just think it was infatuation at its peek."

"Hm." You hum, not really wanting to revisit that part of the past again. "Are you two better now?"

"Me and Minho?" You nod. "I guess, yeah. Took me awhile to not be angry and annoyed with him."

"What changed?"

"Well. You know how sometimes, you get tired from being mad at someone? Like, you literally feel exhausted and just over it? I think it was that. Plus, he's my bestfriend, too. I kinda missed our dumb moments together." You chuckle. "Besides, again. I can tell he's trying to make up for his mistakes, and he hasn't stopped putting in the effort." He sips his milk tea. "I know it's inevitable for things to happen, and things will never be perfect. I just want him to keep his word about taking care of you and being that person for you."

"Thanks, Ji."

"I got you. Always."

"What I do without you? For real." He sits back with a smug smirk on his face.

"Finally asking the right questions." You roll your eyes and pinch his thigh, making him yelp in return.

☁︎ END

"Can I just say something?" He looks at you. "About him?"

"Of course."

"He was really stupid, okay? The decisions he made were so dumb, and I was angry at him for awhile because I trusted him to take care of you. Protect you. But, on the other hand, I know he has been trying to do better. He's owned up to his mistakes and I can tell he really wants to try. He doesn't wanna end up in that situation again. I know he's trying." Jisung repeats at the tail end, making you let out a breath. "That's not to say that you shouldn't take your time or that you should listen to me when it comes to making decisions. Because I know you have feelings for him, and I know you have always loved him. Just know that either way, I know Minho will try for you— whether as your bestfriend or boyfriend, whatever it looks like down the road. You do what's best for you and what feels right, okay?"

"I know, Ji. I will." 

"He'll understand. He's not the best with openly communicating that sometimes, but he will." You nod.

"Has he been okay?"

"Mm. Deep down, I know he isn't. But, he will be. He's quieter and keeping himself busy at the café or at the studio. Doesn't really do or say much otherwise."

"Is he getting enough rest and stuff?"

"I think." Jisung chuckles. "You don't have to worry too much, he's gonna be okay. For real. He has three other housemates, we'll keep him in check."

"Thanks." You give him a tiny smile.

"Come." Jisung sets his food down before standing and opening his arms. You laugh and shake your head, embracing your bestfriend and hugging him tightly. If it's one thing you can appreciate about this entire moment, it's the fact that Jisung remains unchanged; to you, to Minho. He will always be there to support you. He will always be there to support Minho. Yet, he will always give you that extra push, that extra reassurance to do what's right for you. He has always been your other half— someone you equally love and can't stand, someone you turn to on good days and bad days, someone you know who will be there to help you relearn the world one step at a time.

Jisung is your bestfriend and you have no idea where you'd be without him.

"Ji?"

"Mhm?" You feel his chest rumble with the response.

"Thank you. I mean it." You pull back and look at him.

"When have you not meant it?" He raises a brow, making you chuckle.

"No, for everything. For being there in the hospital. For helping get re-acquainted with the world slowly but surely. For your patience. For being so kind." You shrug. "Everything. Uncle Adrian has always taken good care of me, but I truthfully don't know where I'd be without you by my side, too."

"It's nothing." Jisung laughs. "I promised your mom I'd always look out for you." You nod silently before hugging him again.

"I hope things between me and Minho will be okay."

"It will be." You two finally part and sit back down to finish eating, the waves crashing against the shore ahead. "In time, it will be." He repeats before finishing up his food and updating you about work [amongst other things]. By the time you both have finished eating, you take a small walk down the pier before heading back to the car. Jisung turns up the heat, putting up his music as he makes his way to your house. 

When he finally pulls up, he takes a minute to say his hello's to Uncle Adrian— subtly raiding his fridge before Uncle Adrian laughs at his attempt. Eventually, he ends up giving Jisung some food he had made; telling him the food is good for tomorrow and to share with his roommates. Jisung thanks him and walks you to your cottage, giving you one last hug before waddling over to his car.

When Jisung gets home, Seungmin is in the living room just about to pop open his to-go container. There are still no signs of Chan or Minho, and the house is quiet despite the low hum of the TV in front of them.

"Yo. Where'd you come from?" Seungmin mixes his bibimbap, eyes glued to the TV as the show he's watching comes back on after a commercial break. 

"Just finished hanging out with Y/N." Jisung tosses his keys to the side and plops onto the couch next to him. "Nice to see you sitting here instead of being in your room." He teases and Seungmin shakes his head.

"Sorry dude, I've been exhausted lately." He takes a bite. "Did you eat with Y/N?"

"Mhm."

"How is she?"

"Good."

"Is she still mad? You know.. at me, Chan and Minho?"

"Well, it's really Minho. It's just.. a lot for the both of them."

"I hope she knows we care about her a lot."

"She does. She just needs time from him. Needs to sort through her feelings and process everything."

"Understandable." Seungmin clears his throat. "How do you feel about it?"

"I mean, I obviously want the best for them. I know they've had their ups and downs, but they always seem to find their way back to each other again. Maybe they are meant to be in each other's lives, however it looks like?" He does a slight shimmy. "I don't know. I just want them happy and content again, even if they're just friends."

"Yeah, I agree. I'm glad she's okay though."

"Yeah, she's good." Jisung sits next to Seungmin for a bit, casually watching the show while catching up with Seungmin for a bit more. 

After all the recent events, Jisung is happy to have you back because he knows they put you through it with this situation alone. You are his bestfriend, his other half— having you there to talk to, vent to, run to, was always second nature. Not having you there made him feel lonely and incomplete. It wasn't something he was used to, and quite frankly, it's something he doesn't ever wanna get used to.

⇢ 18.5 [cloudy days]: here

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[fincalinde]

for your ask meme: wei wuxian?? 👀

Since I've got some new followers over the past couple of days (who knew what branching out from Xiyao would do for my reputation!), I'll once again add the disclaimer that I write MDZS meta and not CQL meta. I'm aware that in CQL, WWX is characterised somewhat differently. I have thoughts on that too, but I'm not immersed enough in CQL to commit to sharing them publicly.

Since WWX is the main character and appears in almost every scene, I won't attempt to write a thesis statement on him. (You cannot afford my hourly rate.) Instead I've decided to focus on an aspect of WWX that I feel is often overlooked or sanitised. That is to say:

WWX is extremely annoying.

He's not just irritating, or overly exuberant, or a touch too arrogant. He is infuriatingly obnoxious.

Obviously WWX is also brave and often well-meaning. He loves deeply, even if he consistently lets down the people who care about him. He's strong-willed enough to abide by his own sense of morality in the face of overwhelming disapproval and danger, and arrogant enough to make unilateral decisions when it would be better for all concerned if he took a step back. He's bad at big picture thinking and rarely considers the full ramifications of his actions, but he's also incredibly adept at getting out of scrapes, and he has an admirable if also somewhat depressing ability to shrug off pain and suffering that is the result of his difficult days on the streets and his mistreatment by YZY. 

And he's obnoxious.

I do think it often gets forgotten, because Wangxian is intended to be a love story and it's much more tempting to write sweeping romance and charming banter than hark back to all the canonical moments in which characters, including LWJ, genuinely want to throttle him to death.

He never shuts up! He's constantly laughing far too loudly and for too long. He's the sort of person who thinks it's funny to pull the rug out from under someone in a conversation so they end up discomfited and embarrassed. I fully understand that a large part of his hectoring LWJ is a precursor to his later romantic interest and is in line with his flirtation style, but the fact remains that he goads LWJ beyond the point of endurance on multiple occasions. LWJ just happens to be a weird dude who's really into it.

A good example of what I mean is when Wangxian encounter each other at Phoenix Mountain. WWX asks LWJ if he's ever kissed someone, then proceeds to speculate that LWJ has never been kissed and will never be kissed. LWJ doesn't seem to mind this at first, and only becomes angered when WWX lies about having been kissed before himself (oh LWJ), but it's important to remember that WWX has no idea that LWJ has any interest in him whatsoever. From WWX's perspective, he's just having fun belittling someone else over a topic that for most young people is a sensitive one. I don't want to oversell this moment and claim that it's bullying, actually, but I do want to use it to highlight that WWX is not always a considerate person and this type of behaviour is teeth-achingly thoughtless and cringeworthy.

I could go on, but if you pick any given scene including WWX you're likely to see dialogue in which he's being actively annoying to other characters, intentionally or otherwise. This isn't an attack on him, just an observation that in order to write him in a canon consistent manner he should be not just witty and chatty in a way where other characters simply roll their eyes and keep going. He should genuinely actually aggravate them and it should have consequences within the scene. Characters such as JC and WQ care about WWX but also find him infuriating, and that's with good reason—never mind the juniors, whom WWX takes pleasure in messing with. There are many characters who feel great respect and affection for WWX, and every single one of them also regularly feels deep frustration and irritation towards him too. There should be some meat on the bones of any back and forth between them.

[gumballavocadoharry]

Estrangement (future follow up) 1:

*This is a follow up to Katlin and her abusive parents, Harry and Yn. Here is a time leap, 7 years into the future where she and family reconnect....possibly. Told from Katlin's POV.*

A child. A pale brunette-haired child, standing against the beam of the back porch. The twinkle of noonday sun glistened through the punctuated brownish-green irises that his bangs skirted over, only shielding his eyebrows. "Matthew, lunchtime!" I called. I set one his favorite dinners out on the dining room table for him: A grilled cheese with potato chips, grapes, apple slices and a cool glass of apple juice.

"Thank you, mommy," he said, a smile extending across my face. I kissed the whisky wheat brown grain before guiding his two siblings to their seats. A nonfiction polaroid of my three children, Matthew, Joshua, and Victoria, stood in front of me as I pushed myself back toward the sink. It was Matthew who was Angus's twin, with my hair color, Josh who stood in the center; my nose, Angus's eyes, my mouth, but Angus's smile with darkened brunette color- almost of black, contrast to my honey streaks that groomed in perfectly with my brown hair color. Then there was Tori; everything about her was mine. Like my sister, Kira, my youngest has this peculiarity, but a quietness like me. She ran to her seat, sitting in between two big brothers, with her long medium brunette hair swaying delicately.

My attention traveled back over to the sink. I ran the faucet allowing one side to fill up with warm pool of water, while the soapy goo, slithered around- waiting for the faucet's direction to fill up the side into a sudsy lump. I fiddled with the loop of my wedding ring- a habit I created when it was first placed on my finger; Angus's big hand gently cupped mine, sliding the ring slowly onto my ring finger. A picturesque scene that played out over the hills of Iceland, where we vacationed. I went to the country courted and left engaged. 

In the middle of scrubbing the chunky piece of leftover macaroni out of the saucepan, the phone started blaring through the house, making me absent to fully being able to clean the dish properly. Soon after, the memo recording for a voicemail spoke. "Hey Katlin, it's Kira. I wanted to ring in and apologize for having to miss our lunch date.... but the most important thing I wanted to say was that.... Dad is sick. You know how for the past few years he's been having heart issues? Well, it's gotten worse. He had surgery on Monday, but doctors say it's just a bandage-"

"Hello? Kira?" "Katie! I'm so glad I reached you. But yeah, I don't how much you heard on the voicemail, but Dad is very sick...... I think he's dying. I just wanted to let you know, because everyone is at the hospital right now and I'm on my way myself. I know...I know you both don't get along that well.... and I understand. It was rough with him too knowing how he treated you. But, I figured this would be your chance to say goodbye.... if you want." I gulped back something I thought would be tears.... but they weren't. "Okay, thank you for telling me. I'll tell Angus and we'll take it from there..... I love you Kira,"

"I love you too, Kaitlin.... always remember that." Then silence. Next the buzz of the disconnected line. So, there it was.... Dad was dying. It couldn't be- even I had to say Dad was relatively healthy and young on top of that. Sixty wasn't an age you just go at. I would think eighty or ninety if you're lucky. I sat down on the couch, soaking in those words Kira said. "He was dying..." I swallowed hard before walking back over to the sink; rinsing it out with the last plate finished. I turned back over to the nook where the children had left, and their plates were empty. I placed them in the sink before moving back towards the phone and dialed for Angus. Three dial tones before his pickup. "Hey Kate, what's going on?" "Hey babe.... uh... I just got off the phone with Kira not too long ago and she says that my father's heart condition worsened. She doesn't think that he's going to be around much longer.... and neither do I." I could hear his sigh on the other end. "Well....... what do you want to do?" My sigh appeared on the other line.

"I guess..... I'll go visit him in the hospital later on tonight. Will you go with me?" "Of course! What about the kids though?" I thought for a second. Maybe I did want to take them with me- to see their grandparents for the first time. They were already pally with Auntie Kira, Uncle Kristopher and Kameron and Aunt Kylie- when she was available.

Kimberly, Mom and Dad had yet to see those chubby rosy cossetted cheeks and those twinkling diamond eyes that I had the privilege to see everyday. But not yet.... not while emotions would be high and tear had the high possibility to be shed. They could never fully understand the depinning detail of why I parent the way I do. Why one bedtime story is never enough, while four cookies after dinner isn't a big deal and why hugs and kisses are for anytime, anywhere.

"What about your sister? would she mind?" "No, I don't think so, I'll call her and see if she's available." "Okay," My voice, soft and frail. "Thanks Angus.... I don't know what I'd do without you."

When the slam of the front door banged through the house, my heart stopped for a minute. It was time. The kids were bundled in their sweat jackets, glancing around the house like it was somehow different now; living room lights were off and the only sign of life was of the side table lamp that smoldered the room with a soft yellow hue. It was only the beginning of daylight savings, so the what was supposed to be early evening- late afternoon, became of a midnight ambience. The car ride was silent; Angus occasional loud breathes were what signaled even an ounce of life in the car. Pulling up into the driveway, we were met with Katerina. The sweet mellowed young woman who was filled with empath from head to toe. Sensing the broken pieces of me from the day we met, didn't hesitate clasp me into a warm embrace. I loved that woman- becoming another sister to me and not just in the form of in-law.... but of compliment. 

"Auntie Kat!" Josh yelled, before squishing himself into her arms, sniffling in the fluffiness of her cardigan. Soon the other two followed. I stayed behind in the car, watching from the windshield as Angus embraced his sister, her shoulder length black hair sprawling across his arm. Her eyes met mine- looking back to Angus before making her way over to the car; arms folded and a soft smile tracing her lips. I gave in, getting out of the car and allowing her to cup me into her arms. "I heard Katlin.... I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is for you." A single tear rolled off my cheek, "Thank you so much for watching the kids.... I don't know why this is so hard," She pulled away and looked into the hazel of my eyes.

"Because life can be very hard. It's a lousy situation, because.... well.... you had a lousy parent... or parents, I should say." I nodded, raising my eyebrows for a second. "It'll be okay, Katlin... you're strong, you got this." I nodded, this time allowing a smile to come over. "Thank you." Katerina rubbed my shoulder before making her way back over to the steps of the house. I hugged and kissed each of the children as did Angus before departing in our car. The streetlights seemed like rays of light, skimming past us like we were on a bullet train. The more we approached the hospital, the faster my heart speed up. I can remember feeling the same way only a few times in my life; seeing Dad's car pulling in the driveway, not hearing Tori's first cry- until we did and deciding to publish my book about a sailorman love affair. 

Turn right to Hospital.

The sign became illuminated by the headlights of the car. It seemed like we spent forever trying to find a space somewhere in the parking deck. Eventually we found a space were squeezing the minivan between two trucks wasn't an option. My stomach still in knots, I found myself bungling out of the van and stood against the backseat door while waiting for Angus to come around from the front. "Ready?" I took a deep breath and nodded, grabbing his hand and made our way to the automatic opening door after walking against the concrete of the parking lot. The hospital didn't seem too busy. Only people I could count on my fingers, were waiting in the waiting area. "Hello, we're here for a Mr. Harry Styles? I'm his daughter and this is my husband," The receptionist smiled and looked through her computer. "Of course, room 398, level 4." We thanked her before climbing into the elevators. Angus pulled his arm around me. All I could look at was the black tile of the elevator floor, biting my lip so much that I hadn't realized I was pinching them too tightly. "I'm right here Katie.... don't worry." I gave a small smile just as the doors opened.

My feet; slow and steady against the sterile hospital floor. I had the same quaking march as I did when I had first stepped foot into my father's old college. Remembering the lavish decor of the building and the luminary room 109 that he would extend his lectures in- it spiked me again. My nineteen year old self anticipating his reaction in the same analogously that my now thirty-five year old self was too. 397, 396... 398. Yet again. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and was met with my entire family: Mom, dauntingly standing next to my sheepish Dad who looked so frail yet stable in that bed- Kameron, who stood smack in the middle of Kimberly and Kristopher, Kylie who seemed to be behind Kristopher and Kira- the one who alerted me of this whole skeptical. To Dad, I must've looked different yet familiar. My hair held in a bun, cardigan swaying against my legs that were hugged in skinny jeans and the familiar face of the black-haired man whom he had met only a few years ago. "Katlin," He said, weakness pouting through his usual intimidating voice. 

I gave a tight smile, "Dad.... how are you feeling?" "Better, now since you're here." I came closer- Angus excusing himself back out to the waiting room. His arms had this pasty complexation- sick and delicate like paper. I was now a part of the silent room; eyes staring at the prodigal child that ran away was now in front of them. Maybe my dad had imagined this purple haired hippie or a this pale aloof wiry woman. Or maybe no one at all. But I was here. Maybe I wasn't always there, but I'm here now. And I think Dad accepted that. "Katlin, it's been so long-" My mother fell around me; arms wrapping around my frame with her head now pressed close to mine. I slowly slid my arms over her back, taking in this unexpected embrace. She pulled away, putting her hand against my cheek. I bit my lip, looking into her eyes, detailing the crinkles around them. "How've you've been?" I smiled, "Good." Basic response was what was necessary. Although it didn't take long for Mom to notice my little habit of playing with my ring.

"Pretty," I looked up to notice mom smiling at my finger, "Mhm?" "Your ring, it's gorgeous." Soon everyone else's eyes traveled. Kira, Kylie and Kristopher smiled- they already knew of my wedding in the Hamptons. A silver and black theme, causal dancing and a bridal shower. Kam had called off- he was due for a soccer match that week but gave a shoutout to Mr. and Mrs. Angus and Katlin Parker during an interview; the moment when my parents had found out that I had married, let alone, engaged. The children's births were just moments between me and Angus. Kira, Kylie and Kristopher came later.

Dad spotted the silver diamond band around my finger. He furrowed his eyebrows a little, watching me slowly shove my hand into my pocket. "You still with that guy, Angus?" I nodded, "Yeah- we-... yeah." My eyes finally met everyone else's. Kam and Kim's faces were of a mixed astonishment. Although Kimberly's face had this tightness to it. Her mouth smiled but her eyes were full of something else.... something I couldn't quite make out. Maybe anger? I shook it off and continued my gaze to Dad. I shot a glance to Kira who finally choked out a rejoinder. "I talked to Kate on the phone earlier today about.... you know," She sent me a smile, "I wanted her to get caught up with everything that was going on." Kam cleared his throat, "Dad has a- well... dad did you wanna?...."

"Yes," He turned to me, "I first came to the hospital because of severe heartburn. They ran some tests and found out it was a heart infection- Endocarditis. So, I stayed for about in the hospital and went home after. I was brought back because.... I had a heart attack... I was later diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy- it's a heart disease where the vessels of the heart have a hard time pumping blood through the heart." I shot up to the sounds of sniffles. Kimberly held a tissue to her reddish nose. She couldn't make herself look up from the floor, which is when Kameron had escorted her out of the room where only a trail of their voices could be heard until it became inaudible. "I'm so sorry Dad." I rubbed his arm, the first touch of my entire presence. Kira gave me a small smile before ushering Kris and Kylie out of the room. As the two oldest left, she stopped by the door and whispered to me: "Say whatever needs to be said Katlin... this may be your one last chance." 

Silence penetrated throughout the room until Dad spoke. "Katlin.... I know you haven't been around- we missed you... a lot," I stayed silent, but spoke with my eyes. I stared at Dad, keeping focus on whatever he wanted to say. I wanted to know what he wanted from me. "We missed you at birthdays, at Kimberly's wedding.... she has a daughter, Piper. She would be about six now." I smiled, "I bet she looks just like her mother." Mom giggled, "She does- bright eyes and wide smile just like Kim." 

Mom's eyes scanned me over. Maybe she had figured it out; the wedding ring was noticed... what about the faint stretch marks that stood vertically around my hips and belly button. Or maybe it was the certain smile I gave that highlighted that children to me were not just these little people of adoration anymore, but something so precious that it had to be protected. "I've been busy I guess.... with my stories... life in general." I finally spoke. "Katlin.... I know it's more.... I can tell." I raised an eyebrow. "Really?" Mom licked her lips, "I can tell.... just by the way you looked when I mentioned Kimberly's daughter.... either it's a look of being sidelined or..." Even Mom couldn't finish that sentence. She hoped it would be the first answer; satisfaction at feeling maybe even an ounce of regret or rejection. 

"Or?" I repeated, non-confrontationally. She shrugged, "I don't know.... I guess since your ring... you were busy with your fiancé."

"Husband." I corrected. Mom's eyebrows lifted. The rims of her eyes became glossy like plastic. Dad squinted his eyes a little before looking down at his wrist; IV medication flowed through it like water through a straw. The gurgles of the IV bag echoed through the room. The beeps of the monitors recited. The scratch of my flat marked against the sterile wooden floor. Dad finally broke the ice, voice raspy and presiding like how it used to be. "I read one of your books just last week: 'Silence between the words.' Everyone told me how good it was and how well written it would be. They were right- didn't even put it down the minute I picked it up." I smiled; it seemed like that's all I did. Smile. Just smile and pretend like the history didn't exist or like it was a barrier between the now and then. "But, I know you Katlin..... you're a busy woman.... but I think... maybe in some way.... you found somethings out from Kira or Kristopher, at best." I sighed internally.

"Yeah..." "So-" 

Beep!

A notification sounded through my pocket. I checked my phone, only to forget that a family picture would flash on the screen. So there... mom saw it; two boys, one girl. Mom's eyes trickled tears from them. She threw herself out of the room without so much as a word. Dad, a raised eyebrow and perplexed look towards the door before shooting his confused look to me. "Two boys, one girl. All two years apart- Eight years old, six years old and four years old- Matthew, Joshua and Victoria." I showed Dad my family picture: Me and Angus standing above our three chicks, posed outside on the decrepit brick patio of a summer home we rented for two weeks while traveling to Napa Valley. Dad sucked his bottom lip in, swallowing back words or tears. "They're beautiful," A smile crept up on him, "Your little girl looks just like you," He laughed. "Thanks, she acts just like Kira." It became quiet in the room again. I glanced towards the door before looking back to Dad. "I'm gonna go check on mom really quick." I paused before walking towards the door, pausing again and then finally shuffling out the door.

I heard Mom crying in the bathroom. I raised my fist to knock on the door before slowly moving back down to my side. I trudged over into the corner of the hospital where the waiting room by Dad's was. Everyone was there. Kira looked to me, heaving a smile.

I took a seat by the window, curling my right leg under me, swaying the remaining one back and forth. "Did you see mom?" I asked. Kira breaking out of her cell phone daze and looking to me. "No," She shook her head. I bit my lip, sucking in my cheeks. My eyes scanned my siblings seeing if anyone else had known my little secret. Angus wasn't just a friend anymore and his matured status in my life came with other additions. "Kate," Kris's voice- faded and knowing. He looked to me, eyes ushering me to spill what had been hidden away inside my brain for too long. "Mom.. she's in the bathroom.. at least she ran in there..." I started. Everyone's eyes were boring straight into me. "I've been busy with my own family and I guess.... she's upset I guess." Kimberly stared the longest at me. "How many?" I raised an eyebrow before kicking myself for pretending to not understand, "Three.... Matthew, Joshua and Victoria." Kimberly's breath became shaky.

"Their first grandsons...." Her eyes stared at her feet before rejoining to me, "Why didn't you tell them?" "Kim-" Kris started, "No! I told them when Piper was born! I told them when me and Peter where engaged, when we got married and all that! Katlin.... you can't hide yourself away like that from your family!"

"I didn't hide, I walked away Kimberly! How could you not know that? - you were there when it all happened!" Kimberly scoffed at me. "Look. We're all here because none of us expected what was going to happen. But before this... we all had our own lives - I mean, I myself have been busy with my life... none of us wanted any of this." Kameron stated.

Kimberly buried her face into the back of her seat. Her shoulder length medium chocolate hair sprawling all across her shoulder, over the navy-blue fleece of her sweater. Her hand pressed against the side of the chair, allowing me to glimpse at her silver diamond ring. The karats were worth way more than mine; two little diamonds sat on each side of the biggest diamond in the center. It posed perfectly on her dainty finger- nails manicured with French tips. Mom emerged from the bathroom, wiping her nose before coming full view into the waiting area. "Hey," she sniffled. We all gave a tight lipped smile, allowing our eyes to follow her to the corner where she sat silently. "Mom?" Kylie started, "Oh.... it's just... it's your father, that's all." She side eyed me before looking down to fiddle with her fingers. "Kristopher, how have you and Sophie been?" I furrowed my eyebrows. I knew about my brother's girlfriend.... but I knew Mom was just trying to rally against me because of her own nasty surprise.

"We're good.... she's pregnant." A slew of "congratulations" rang throughout the area. "How far along?" I asked, "Five months." He smiled; the same dimply smile that Dad had whenever he was proud of something.... or someone. I knew how proud Kristopher was. His face became this flustered color, happy at entertaining positive attention for moment. "And Kylie is curator at the new museum that opened up," Mom's glance pounced to me from Kylie. "Yeah, it's great. I get to see the newest art before it's shown at the museum." Kylie had this faded look, only towards mom. Her eyes couldn't be read like this monotone shade except her voice was full of life and stillness like always.

Once the clock hit midnight, Angus grabbed me from Dad's room. "I have to go, but it was nice seeing everyone here," I said. I bent down and pressed a quick kiss on the brunette mixed in peppery gray stalks on dad's head. "Bye, everyone, feel better dad." We were halfway down the hospital corridors when a voice stopped me. It was Kira. "Katlin.... I just wanted to thank you for coming," I shrugged, "I would've came anyway," "Yeah, but I know how hard it was.... I'm a poet addict because of you," She smiled. "That little book of your poems you gave to me when I was seven, I still have them... in fact... do you know a little book called 'Kate's sonnets'?" I furrowed my eyebrows before nodding. "They're yours. All of them. I had it published the first year I moved out of mom and dad's house." Awe had struck me from head to toe.

I couldn't hold back pulling Kira into a tearfilled hug. "Thank you...thank you, Kira." I cried softly into her arms. I don't know why I did, but they didn't stop until I pulled away. We were interrupted by another voice. "Katlin," It was Kimberly, scrapping her Uggs against the floor. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for blowing up at you like that....it-" I pulled Kimberly into my arms where she cried soundly. I stood there, rocking her from side to side, letting her release her agony into the warmth of my cardigan. She pulled away and rubbed my shoulder. "I love you Katlin," 

"I love you too Kim... and you too Kira- I love everyone." For a second, Angus had been forgotten. Kimberly turned to him, "Take care of her, she's special." Angus smiled and pulled Kira and Kimberly into side hugs before we left to the elevators. Angus turned to me. "I know I keep asking Katie... but, are you okay?" I turned to Angus slowly and let a smile crawl over my face.

"Yes," I looked back to the elevator doors before turning back to Angus, "I think so."

And indeed..... I would be.

Part 2 will be coming soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lower-mkdr]

Just a personal rambling about Adela's skin

Just as a heads up, I'm not spoiler free when it comes to Adela so I hope you can bear with me today since her new skin has me totally in love even if the showcase isn't out yet, the Adela brainrot is real and it's always there, but I've been taking my time to let it out. Going to the point, GOD, I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

I like the way it's something elegant yet quite simple, since it fits her style really well. I often think about how Adela is so complex yet she keeps trying to be pretty simple for the sake of her own view of "a perfect and relaxing life", but it's the details what makes the difference, she's still pretty elegant and has a lot of style.

Regarding what we know by the tranlations, the name is "tower candlelight". The first thing I thought about was the "Tower" mentioned in Phantom of the Mist, the clock tower where everything changes, where Letta warns us to no get close to, but it ends being what connects every piece of information together with Adela guiding us to learn the story about Mad Shears.

I'm not really surprised by the idea of a concept similar to Rapunzel, but I absolutely adore it. It's the way she's trapped by her own hair, in a tower the same description calls "My heart shall become a tall tower, and I shall sit at its precipice. There, there is nothing but silence and sorrow." (Just in case, I'm using the tranlation provided by Jiu Jiu subs).

It explains itself pretty well, right? She's been trapped for a long time by her own worries, her way to escape? "let's cut the worries away", but she's still there, her heart still is there. Same as the story in her interrogation, no matter how much Adela wants to avoid it, she knows there's something she's missing. It's just a "Let's think I'm out" but she's not, she's just there, imagining she's out.

I like how there's many candles around here, even birdcages and their surrounded by flowers (I'll do another post later if I find them or have an idea about it, flower language it's really interesting). I would love to say that she's another flower between those cages, there's even vines around.

The hairstyle is something so personal that the second I saw it I felt like crying while saying to my friends "I love how she has long hair, but I don't know how to feel about it in her case". For Adela, long hair represents worries that suffocate the owner of said hair, so being able to see her with pretty long hair, despite being something that I love and adore in a personal way, it really got me thinking "Is she okay????" (baby, do you want a hug and some tea?)

All the context so far left me really intrigued, but it also means that this is a part of herself, an important one. Probably this is how Adela felt for many years since she was young, she always was bound to something, until she decided to cut it away herself in search of her own happiness (Her relationship with her mother, the connection with Chief, the multiple times she tried to find a place she could call "home", but never found one), and in the end, it was all a part of her that she neglected, her own memories, in search for some stability. Here she looks so far quite calm, I guess it would be related/explain later to have some connection with Chief?

It reminds her of her 100% compliance line "People tend to bury themselves with old troubling memories, overburdened and suffocated, so I cut it away from me. But little did I know that I also cut away something that allowed my heart to sing. It's you who helped me rediscover that something".

She's no longer waiting for a home, nor searching for one, she's no longer suffocating herself constantly with feelings she can't comprehend (see the Mother's pendant interaction, It keeps hurting me), she's just here, looking at you with a smile, knowing things can change, but change doesn't really mean something bad. Her hearth is free now, she is free now

[fortune-fool02]

Karaoke Night

Luis Serra x female reader

Requested by: @jessy-the-martian-girl

Hi. How about some karaoke with Luis? This thought just doesn't let me go since that video with his voice lines 🤭

Warnings: No spoilers for RE 4 Remake. Fluff.

I love this idea! And yes, Luis' voice lines are something else, haha. And I beg that you all forgive me for the song choice but I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

Thank you and please enjoy.

It was no secret that Luis loved the sound of his own voice. Anyone who knows the man for a mere five minutes can learn that quite easily. He always had something to say, ranging from some interesting fun-fact to a witty comment on something they passed by, or even just some random thought that popped in his head that he simply had to share.

The music poured from speakers scattered about the club, filling the air with a sense of excitement and life. Crowds of people dancing on the dance floor, losing themselves to the flow of the music and alcohol served at the bar. Luis had insisted that they visited this place, promising them all a fun time and a way to "bond evermore as friends", as he put it. Ashley was more than happy to join, though Leon was a little more reluctant, he did join in the end.

Shuffling through the crowd, Luis made his way over to their table, carrying their drinks and making sure nothing spilled. That bright smile on his face since the minute they got here and had yet to leave.

"Here we go. One J20 for the young senorita. A whiskey on the rocks for my good Sancho Panza. And a fruit cider for my cariño." He smiled, handing out the drinks in their order before setting his own down and plopping beside [Name].

"Thank you, Luis." She smiled, leaning and pressing a sweet kiss on his cheek then took a sip of her drink, humming at the sweet taste. Leon already taking a swing of his drink while Ashley took the moment to pour her drink into a glass. Moments like this made a comforting warmth fill [Name]. Something so mundane and simple as hanging out with friends at a club was something taken for granted by some. But not by her. She savoured moments like this, ensuring that everyone felt included and was having fun.

The man sitting on the barstool on the stage took a bit of a bow before walking off, having just finished his song for karaoke night. Ashley and Luis had made a joke about Leon getting on stage and singing, only to be shot down by that hard look Leon often wore, but they only laughed about it. It was an open night so anyone was allowed to step up and offer entertainment to the crowd.

[Name] leaned against Luis' side, nuzzling against him as his arm draped around her waist, holding her close. Though, before she could get too comfortable, he pardoned himself to stand up.

"I'll be right back. I need to get something important done." He quickly kissed her lips before disappearing into the crowd.

"Probably forgot something in the car or something." [Name] hummed and sat back. "So, Ashley, how are you doing with that repor-" Her words were cut off by a microphone activating, indicating another person being ready to sing. Looking over, her eyes widened lightly at the sight of Luis on stage, adjusting the microphone to his desired height.

"Oh God." Leon softly mumbled, knowing that whatever was about to happen was going to be bad then took a longer swing of his alcohol. [Name] couldn't help but smile lightly, knowing he was going to put his heart and more into whatever he's going to sing. Luis loved an audience and never failed to deliver.

"Está bien, I want to dedicate this song to a very special lady in my life. She knows who she is." He smiled, his smoke grey eyes locking onto [Name] among the crowd with ease, the rest of the crowd didn't matter to him, only her.

A rhythm began to spill from the speakers around him and he took a quick puff of his cigarette before taking hold of the microphone.

"Sexy, hot, I love your style girl, Put it on me. Brian and Tony Gold let the ladies know, They got it goin' on, Uh, Shaggy."

His voice was smooth and strong, the tone in perfect rhythm with the music and its beat. Though his eyes remained on her as he sung, further proving that this song was for her and her alone.

"Hey sexy lady, I like your flow, Your body's bangin', out of control, You put it on me, Ceiling to floor, Only you can make me, scream and beg for more."

Heat began to crawl up her neck, spreading to her cheeks at Luis' singing, a reaction that made him smile more knowing he was getting to her. All those times they flirted with each other, called one another a teasing name, and their intimate moments together came flooding her mind, pushing her blush to deepen more.

"Her body's callin', bawlin', Got me crawlin' up the wall and, My size ain't small, it's tall, And catch here comes her clothes be fallin'."

Others began to sing along with Luis, trying to at least, but his voice cut through them all, the only voice [Name] cared to hear. In truth, she was half expecting him to jump off the stage and make her dance in front of everyone. Oh, how she hoped he wouldn't. Ashley sat beside her, nudging her lightly with a little giggle while Leon softly groaned, running his hands over his face a bit.

"Her neighbor's callin bawlin', All this noise is so appallin', They must believe we're brawlin', Headboards bang 'til early mornin',"

A twinge of embarrassment flickered at the memory of that one time they did get a complaint from the neighbours, mostly from them believing something awful had happened given the "loud banging and begs and pleas" they heard. Something that Luis was ever so proud of but also insisted that half of the credit belonged to [Name], as she wasn't the only one screaming that night.

Luis wrapped up the song after the music began to fade before taking a dramatic bow and hopping off the stage, strutting over to their table and smiling at his lover. [Name]'s face buried in her hands, her face hot to the touch and redder than the leather seats they were sitting on.

"That was fun. I don't think I did too bad." He took his drink and chugged it, his throat a bit dry from that performance. [Name] turned to him, grabbed his jacket and kissed him deeply, something he eagerly returned.

"Want the neighbours to complain again?" He purred, giving a little wink.

"Save your voice for once. You'll need it later, love."

[bonefall]

Do you have any plans for Shaded Moss, since Gray Wing is dying in his place? (The specifics of that in my brain was Gray Wing shoving him out of the way of the carriage)

My own thoughts were something along the lines of him having been second-in-command to Gray Wing, but after xir death, Clear Sky starts undermining them, 'suggesting' to people that hey, maybe he *set that up* like, isn't it convenient? That Gray Wing died? Leaving Shaded Moss in charge? Wow, funny like that, huh? And even if most of the group dismisses it as bullshit, it's still "What kinda moron almost gets run over by a carriage and has to be pushed out of the way? Should we really be following him?" Eventually, Clear Sky takes the people who listen to him and leaves, and Tall Shadow kinda forces him to step down, and Shaded Moss kinda lives on the fringes of the group until after Bumble gets driven out. He kinda serves as a surrogate father to Thunder (because I kinda want to keep adoption a thing) and teaches him how to pass better as a tom (because I love older transmascs helping guide their juniors, I wish I had had someone older who knew a little more helping me with that shit as a kid).

I imagine he dies in the First Battle, either just before the "Tell the stars you won" line, or just after, knocking Clear Sky off of Bright Storm and getting killed for it just before Starclan intervenes.

GREAT IDEA let's take it!

(Note though: Shaded Moss -> Shaded Flower, because they now have a naming system that includes a familial last name. Shaded Flower and Rainswept Flower are father and daughter like canon.)

It'll be good for showing how "connected" tribe culture is, to have Thunder Storm have bonds with a lot of the cats he will eventually come into conflict with. Thunder Storm having a surrogate dad figure in the disgraced leader works nicely. Here's how I'll approach it though, taking your suggestions and making sure it works with what's established;

Gray Wing was the leader, Shaded Flower was second in command. He was a logistics sort of guy.

They had never seen a horse before. The group charged in front of it while crossing, spooking it.

Something I found interesting in Sun Trail is that Clear Sky was commanding them across the road that gets Canon!Shade killed on. I think I want to keep that, having Clear Sky be the one who shouted for them all to charge.

Shaded Flower's response to the large animal rearing up was to hiss and freeze

And of course, Gray Wing runs back to save him, getting kicked and killed.

While burying xem, Shade was catching flak. He panicked and his response was to freeze. Clear Sky never takes responsibility for his own actions, and what kind of guy freezes in front of a deer so huge??

He didn't really "step down" so much as Tall Shadow and Clear Sky just naturally started becoming the new leaders. He was pretty ashamed that he got Gray Wing killed.

Embarrassingly, Rainswept Flower ended up having to be his defender a lot of the time. He didn't want her reputation to suffer as a result of his cowardice, but... ugh here they are.

When Jagged Peak broke his leg, Shaded Flower didn't speak up, doubting his own judgement.

But when Bright Storm comes back with her three-legged newborn, he is IMMEDIATELY on Tall Shadow's side in the split. Though his reputation took a big hit, him being on her side IS still helpful.

He probably teaches Thunder Storm how to cook along with helping his transition, since this is going to be an important skill he displays later when he befriends River's Ripple. Rainswept Flower is like a young 19-year-old at this point, making her own life, and Shaded Flower has a sort of loneliness about him.

He probably looks out for Bright Storm, too, since they both had a pretty traumatic experience with Clear Sky treating them like ass. Brings her food and such, makes small talk, watches her kid when she needs a break.

Shaded Flower is, however, probably not a member of early ThunderClan. Or at the very least, he's kind of conflicted about it.

Rainswept Flower is loyal to Tall Shadow, and will remain ShadowClan for her whole life. He really doesn't want to leave her behind

(She even eventually has kittens with Sun Shadow, but that's not super relevant.)

Though... I may have him be part of Bright Storm's Reinforcements, and note how much he's torn between supporting the boy who's practically an adopted son, and his daughter back in Tall Shadow's Clan. He can love them both equally and be torn up over it.

Whatever happens, he will be dying in the place where Rainswept Flower dies in canon. His death in Clear Sky's jaws, "I'm not greedy, just strong!" enrages Bright Storm, who bumrushes him.

She delivers the Star Line, Clear Sky rejects it, and Thunder Storm rushes in to end his battle with Clear Sky once and for all before StarClan halts it.

[jmdbjk]

#FOR FREE

I see Joon's feet trending under the #FOR FREE tag but excuse me? We got THIS FOR FREE for thirty plus minutes?

I'm still very speechless.

Jimin playing hard to get.

Jimin telling JK needed to go to sleep because he had schedules later that day, basically making sure JK stayed on-task.

Jimin saying he STILL gets scolded by JK.

Jimin shutting down any ideas of a live with JK.

DAMMIT JIMIN YOU WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO DO A LIVE WITH A FEW MONTHS AGO COME ONNNNNNN!?!?!?!

Yes, JK literally has tried to lure Jimin with food, beer, working out, beefcake (flexed his bicep), he's asked coyly, assertively and begged unabashedly. Even Armys tried to convince Jimin.

The comparisons of this to Seven's MV are hilarious... yup, next thing we'll see is JK faking his own death serenading Jimin from his casket.

"Come on Jimin, let me come over, I'll bring my shower stuff and we can do it in the shower... I mean from the shower... or just whatever, pleeeeeeez...."

Knowing Jimin's default is naked while at home and him texting JK a pic? Please can y'all stop sending dick pics to each other while we are watching?

K-Army is saying the tone of voice JK was using, the context, the polite/casual speech they both used was off the charts couply. A lot of us are international Army and all we see are straight up dry translations and can't really understand how important all those things are in communicating in Korean society. It is easy for I-Armys to interpret the dry translations differently than how Koreans interpret them. I depend a lot on what K-Army says and defer to them as to how to interpret Jimin and Jungkook's relationship.

But seriously, even I could tell JK was speaking in satoori when he was chiding Jimin about saying he wasn't in condition to do a live... "we don't worry about that Jimin, we just do it when we feel like it."

Jimin: "you've forgotten what my personality is like"

I can hear Jimin now... "I don't have any makeup on..." Jimin-ssi. Please. Slip off your chelsea boots, leave your hair alone and relax a little. It's not like you've NEVER done a live before with no makeup and bed head.

We have JK on one side being the free-spirit/in-the-moment-go-with-the-mood vibe and Jimin on the other side being rigid and in total control of everything.

I'm still salty because Jimin censored himself during his Face album live when he realized there were young people watching as he was about to explain his concept of looking in the bathroom mirror in the Like Crazy MV.

I see a collision happening with these two mindsets and I think Jimin sees it too hahahahaha! "I'M SCARED OF YOU!" he doesn't know what kind of shenanigans will happen when they are together on a live because we also know Jimin LOVES HIS JK and can't resist climbing all over him when they are together!

Who could resist that:

Jungkook swapped the stud in his newest lip piercing for another lip ring and he re-pierced his right ear and the jewelry is very pretty. The earrings have a very fine chain hanging from the first to the last hoop. Edgy and delicate at the same time.

We have expectations now for his next live. Keep moving those chains JK! Maybe joking about a live while showering is not such a joke after all.... I'm kinda scared too, Jimin.

JK's July 27 live:

I had started a blog post about the July 27 two and a half hour live but NOOOOoooOOOOOooo, JK has moved the line again with the naked-in-the-bed live, so it's almost pointless to blog about the one from the previous day now.

Except I was thrilled when he responded to my ask if he had seen Jimin's Barbie guitar. What a thrill to interact with him in real time... I'm still just... wow ...

But a few things I took away from that two and a half hour live:

JK getting so emotional when he watched and listened to the Army Love Letter song. I broke down in tears as soon as I saw him being overcome.

And the live translating is not automated, its done by real people:

About 15 minutes into this purple 2.5 hour live, someone must have asked about Tae's album because JK says yes, he's heard a few songs and they're good. I am very excited to hear what Tae has created, especially after seeing the music critic say it is something unexpected. Of course, Tae's love for Bing Crosby-ish vibes could be what he's talking about and that wouldn't surprise me if that's the direction Tae goes. Later, someone in the comments asked if Tae would do a Seven dance challenge with him and he said Tae wouldn't do it. Why not Tae? Hmmphf. Fine.

Anyway...

Right before logging out, JK sang Jimin's Dear.Army (Letter) swaying back and forth so sweetly!!!! It was so beautiful. Might be the closest we come to hearing them singing it together. He loves that song.

Tomorrow we get to watch JK's episode of Suchwita and the day after that we will see him on Inkagayo.

All of that and I still think about Jimin and Jungkook had a camera crew with them on that dang boat in Connecticut a few weeks ago... if it was for a Seven TikTok, shouldn't it have been out by now?... so where will we eventually see that? Hmmmmmm???

[cottoncandy-cult]

Tough Talks

Shiva X Reader

(This is just a little something I did based off an OC of mine I plan to elaborate on over on my Ao3, I did this as a reader insert and if you're interested in seeing what OC of mine this is based on hop over to Ao3 or drop a comment and I'll drop her Bio!)

The little sea nymph skipped through the halls of Helheim, searching for her dear uncle Hades in need of advice in regard to her father Poseidon. Hades was the uncle that watched her most as a child when her father was busy, so she was a normal face to see in the underworld as she often visited and came to him for sound advice on things she wasn't comfortable bringing to her father. "Lady (Y/n)? I didn't know you were here." This had been her older cousin Hermes; despite her smaller stature she was only a couple hundred years younger. "I came to see Uncle Hades; do you know if he's in the throne room." The young woman turned to face the tall male, arms crossing in front of her as she rocked on her heels. The older male chuckled, nodding his head as he pointed down the hall. "Yes, he is, I just came from there to deliver a message from Lord Zeus. Is everything ok?" This made the girl giggle; she knew how much of a gossip her cousin could be, so she decided to tease him some. "Oh yes, I just need some advice on approaching my father about something." That clearly got the male's attention as he crossed his arms and cocked a brow, leaning forward some. "Oh? I do hope you aren't in trouble. You've always been such a good girl." The male was now teasing back, causing twin grins to break across their faces. Of course, their teasing was all in good fun, both were quite friendly when they'd see each other. "No, no trouble just… I believe I've found the relationship I would like to be in." She was purposely wording it in a way to avoid giving him information, she wanted to speak to her father before it burned through the family like wildfire. "I see, so it's about a love interest. I'll not keep you waiting then, the sooner you talk to your dad the sooner I get to tell the others." He gave her a playful wink and wave before he turned to leave, letting the young woman resume her way to the throne room. She knocked gently at the door after greeting the guards, waiting for her uncle's permission before she entered. "I hope you aren't busy Uncle; I have something Important I need to talk to you about." The sweet little nymph practically skipped towards her uncle's throne, moving to sit in one of the small thrones beside him. "Never too busy for you darling, what it is you need?" The older male gave her a smile as he turned to face her, Poseidon had many children and her being one of the youngest she only really got to spend so much time with he father. Hades would often watch her for her father as her mom was often "busy" whatever that was supposed to mean. Hades had a few of his own and his favorites to raise were his daughters, so he had instantly melted over his niece when she came to be in his care. He'd spoil her if he felt she was being treated fairly, even spoke to his younger brother when one of the male's mistresses would step out of line in regard to the little one. Needless to say, little was more important than his niece. "You see, I have been talking to and spending time with a god and his wives from another pantheon. But he wishes to talk to dad and get his permission to date me to avoid stepping on his toes, so I need to set up something for them to talk. But I don't know how to bring it up to dad especially since I don't know how he feels about the god in question." She blushed deeply; she knew her uncle could probably guess who it was based on how important it was to her. Afterall, she had the same crush since she was a preteen, none other than the god of destruction himself Shiva. She had met him a few times growing up from accompanying her dad and uncles and even cousins to certain events and meetings, she had never spoke to him though and simply fangirled and flustered herself from a distance.

It wasn't until she was officially old enough to drink that she had actually met Shiva's 3 wives, it was at her birthday celebration that she had truly got to socialize with many of the other gods. Zues had thrown a big party, inviting a large number of gods and goddesses from across the pantheon. Dionysus had even showed up to serve as a bartender, making for plenty of variety. Kali had approached first to wish her a happy birthday, giving her a necklace from the 4 of them. It was made by some dwarvish artisans with a bunch of gemstones handpicked by the group, figuring if she was important enough for Zeus to throw such a party then she was worthy of a thoughtful gift. "I see, so Shiva has finally noticed you?~ Congrats sweetheart." He chuckled and gave her a head pat; he knew she'd probably tell him all about how this all came to be later. "Well, your father and him have never really spoke much as far as I remember, so if he dislikes Shiva, he has never made it known. I don't think you'll need to take any special precautions, just approach him when he isn't busy and let him know that Shiva would like to meet with him to discuss courting you. My brother isn't the type to freak out, and everyone knows how far Shiva would go for the people he cares about so he has no reason to believe Shiva would do you wrong." He could see her relax some, despite how calm he was her father was still quite intense at times and most daughters would be apprehensive to approach their fathers about a man wanting to date them. So, her anxiety was very real and understand able, but Hades knew well everything would work out. "Would you like me to accompany you and wait outside the door just in case?" The older male chuckled as he pinched her cheek, knowing she'd most likely deny him but still wanting to offer. "No that's fine, I think you're right and I'm just overthinking it." She nods her head and moves to stand, stretching some as she took a deep breath. "Now to go home and get things settled, Hermes wants details and if it takes more than a day or two, he'll be teasing me about being a scaredy cat for the next millennia." She pouted as her uncle laughed, nodding his head. "Alright darling, be safe on your way back. I'd hate to think of what the god of destruction or my brother would do if something happened to you on your way back." His comment made the girl giggle as she bid him goodbye, practically jogging out of the room to go and see her father.

It didn't take her long to get back up to the heavens, and back to the home she and her unwed siblings shared with their father. But she took her time once inside the castle, rehearsing her words in her head to make sure she didn't mispeak or leave anything out. She had been on her way to her father's throne room, spotting one of the many servants walking down the hall. "Excuse me, is father in the throne room?" The servant had been quick to turn and bow, giving a curitous yes as they kept their eyes on the ground. Her father refused to let the servants treat his children any less than him, as since he was perfect that meant his children were aswell. "What do you know of his mood? I'd prefer not to bother him if it's been a particularly frustration day." With that the servant stood straight, though kept their eyes on the ground. "It's been a quiet day so I don't believe he is upset. Though you know your father best." (Y/n) simply nodded, turning to continue on her way to her father's throne room. She entered quietly without knocking, her father always telling them that it was their home and they have no need to tiptoe about as no one would dare scold them for adventuring through their home. "Hello father, is now a good time?" She walked over to his side, standing patiently as he flipped through his book. "I suppose it isn't a bad time, has something happened?" He tilted his head slightly to look at her, he saw his children as his equals as far as their existence went and so he had no problem looking at them. Something that used to piss off Adamas, as the other male hated how Posidon doted on his kids in a way most other gods would never understand and the fact his neices and nephews received more respect from the male than he did enraged him. "Nothing bad, I promise. It's just… There is a god who would like to speak with you about courting me." Now that had the blonde closing his book and setting it aside, he took the relationships of his children seriously and he'd never sell them off to just anyone. "Oh? I'm assuming you wouldn't bring this to me if you weren't interested in him as well. So which god do you want?" He spoke as if he was going to get her a puppy, no doubt that's how he saw the gods who he allowed to be with his children. "It is Lord Shiva… I've spoken to him and his wives for some time, and they'd like to move forward with a relationship. But Shiva doesn't wish to cross you and so he wishes for your permission."

The older blonde sat quiet a moment; he didn't have any particular qualms with Shiva. The male could be somewhat loud, but he was also strong in his own right and only a foolish god would be unaware of Shiva's devotion to the things and people he cares about. "I see, I suppose I can make time tomorrow to speak with him. You can go out with the other women; I'll speak with Shiva man to man." He nodded his head, watching his daughter smile in relief before she hugged him. His daughters were the only ones that could get away with such actions, the only thing they'd receive is a pat on the head in return just as she did. "Thanks dad, I'll go let him know." It wasn't until she was out the door and down the hall that he let himself chuckle, his little ones were growing up so fast. Soon they'd all be married off and having their own families, it was odd for him to think about given how long he had been living in a full household.

[harryforvogue]

Part One | Chapter One: Love Made Me Crazy

London, England

April 1917

Harry doesn't ask me to marry him. He tells me to.

I've never put much importance on marriage. All the marriages I've grown up around have been arranged. They have always been mere transactions, so to be a part of that exchange is something that's never intrigued me. The thought of breaking the cycle of unhappy marriages I've seen since I was younger is daunting, too big of a task to put on my shoulders. I do look at Harry and think I'd like to be with him for the rest of my life. We've talked about vows and whether we, being an irreligious duo, should bother to wed in a church, however, this seems to be in the future, years and years from now.

He springs it on me on my 24th birthday after everyone has gone to sleep. Due to the fact that I've been living with his family every summer, he's had to sneak into my room, sitting beside me on my bed. We're far too tired to be intimate tonight, thanks to the party his sister, Thea, has put together. We've both had some drinks and we're not too far from being drunk. I hold his hand in mine, my cheek pressed to his shoulder.

Harry says it loud and clear so I know it's not just the buzz of the alcohol in my ears. I pick my head up and look at him through heavy eyelids. For a split second, I see two of him. "What?"

His eyes are clearer than mine, voice less drowsy. "Marry me."

I laugh quietly, rubbing my cheek on his shoulder again. "Most men are gentlemen and tend to ask. In a more romantic way, too."

"I'm not asking," Harry says, completely serious. His mouth is in a tight line. I search for any hints of sarcasm, but the man who stares back at me is genuine in his words and expression. His eyes glance down to my mouth briefly. "I'm telling you to marry me."

I push myself off of him. "Sounds more like you're ordering."

"And what if I am?"

"Then I have to yell at you for it. What if I don't want to marry you, you insufferable man?"

Harry smiles fully, pink lips spread across his face, triggering the dimples on either side of that mouth. "Of course you do," he says as he leans down for a kiss. "I shouldn't even have to ask."

Despite the warmth of the kiss, I pull back and ask, "What do you mean?"

"Let's go to the courthouse tomorrow."

This comment forces a chuckle out of me. "Oh? Impatient, are we?"

Harry presses his mouth to my neck. "You have no idea," he gently whispers, all hot breath, biting down on my skin. "Is that a yes, then?"

"Harry," I say, much more sober now, gently prying him away. He holds my hands tightly and searches my eyes, his own softening.

"Annaliese."

"It's only, what, about a year and a half?"

"I know it's been that long since we've been together, but I've been yours for longer. I was born for you. And I want to be with you until I die. I want all the time I can have with you, so yes, excuse me if I'm a little impatient. I don't mind how you want the wedding. If you want to have a big one, then let's do it. If you want to run away, let's do it, Annaliese. Just say yes."

He kisses the expanse of my throat, my jaw, and my cheeks. "Harry, you know I'm not... I'm not in a rush and I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here in London and when I get a job, I'll be around whenever you want me to be."

He pulls away and holds my hands again. "You may not be in a rush, Annaliese, but I am."

"Why? You're young. It's not like you're dying tomorrow."

"What if I do die tomorrow? I'll never have married you."

I swallow uneasily, laying a gentle hand on his cheek. "Harry, you'll still have spent all that time with me. Marriage is just a label."

Something shifts in his eyes. "You don't think marriage is a big deal?" He sounds hurt, maybe even offended.

"Well," I start, taking my hand away, "it's a big deal, maybe, but it wouldn't be any different than what we are now."

"For starters," he quickly says, "we'd be living together, and I wouldn't have to be sneaking around like this just to get a kiss or two, Annaliese. And it's permanent. Don't you want that?"

"We can live together right now. We've saved enough money to last us a long time. Let's look at some places."

Harry frowns, clenching his jaw. "Annaliese, I don't think it's a good idea for us to move in together without being married."

"Why not? Don't be so conservative."

"I may not be conservative, but the whole world is. I mean, imagine explaining to my mother that we're moving in together. And another thing is your family. I haven't even met them. I can't move in with their daughter without speaking with them first."

"What? To ask them for permission?"

Harry shakes his head. "Not permission. I know you'd kill me if I did that. But I'd like to make it known to them that I will not be leaving their daughter's life. And I'm around forever. I don't even know what they're like."

He knows I can't argue with that. There hasn't been any opportunity for him to meet my parents. I've barely seen them myself in recent years save for one Christmas and my 23rd birthday.

"And," he continues, "I want to marry you. I want to make a life with you, not only move into a flat together. I want a house somewhere far away."

"What, like in America?"

His eyes brighten. "Yes, maybe. Let's do it, Annaliese. Marry me. I promise I will make you so happy. I have enough to give you right now."

My stomach flutters suddenly. "Harry, I have never, not even for one moment, ever thought that one day you'd make me unhappy. And I do want to have a future with you, but it's really soon, isn't it?"

Harry sighs and deflates. "Alright. What do you want to know about me?"

"What? I know everything about you."

"So tell me what the real issue is, Annaliese. Are you afraid you'll make the wrong choice? How about this, just agree to marry me, and then we can have a long engagement. I'll get you a ring, buy you a house in a nice neighborhood, make sure we find work in a nice place, and then we can get married. How's that?"

His eyes are desperately searching mine, and he kisses my fingers.

"Mon chéri, I just..." I don't know how to tell him that I'm not afraid of big decisions, but regrets. The last thing I want to do is regret a marriage, and with Harry no less because I wouldn't have anyone to turn to. He's the one I always go to when I have a problem with work or school or even his sister. Without him, who do I turn to? "I just need some time, please."

"Time?" he echoes, shoulders dropping. "For what?"

"To... to make sure!"

"To make sure I'm the one you want to marry?" he says, sounding even more hurt. "Annaliese, we've talked about marriage before."

"Right!" I argue, pulling my hands away, "and I want to marry you someday. I've seen too many marriages fail, too many people grow apart despite being married. I don't want that for us."

Harry stares at me for a long time and then presses his lips together tightly. "I see." He doesn't say anything for a long time. "So is it me?"

"No," I exclaim. "No! Fuck. Harry, I want to marry you, but just not now. I'm afraid..."

"Of what?" he persists.

"Of losing you! Down the road when you grow out of love with me and then we're both stuck in a marriage, unhappy, forever until we divorce. Harry, I can marry you and I can withstand hardships with you, but what I cannot do is divorce you."

Harry's eyes soften. "You're afraid of losing me? Annaliese..."

"Don't you dare say I'm being irrational. How can you believe in marriage after seeing what your father and mother have? And Thea?"

"My love, what you and I have is nothing like my father and mother. And certainly not what Thea and Jack had."

"Thea knew Jack longer than I've known you," I point out.

Harry sighs again. "Yes, but we are different." He squeezes my hand. "We are so good. We're strong."

"And what happens one day when you come home and are disappointed that I'm the one who greets you? And don't you dare say that would never happen, Styles. You know it happens. And if we have children, I will not be raising them single handedly. I'd rather kill you with my bare hands than have you walk out on them."

Harry raises his eyebrows in alarm, lips twitching with amusement. "Annaliese, you have to be more smart about this. I'm not proposing marriage because I've got a primary school crush on you. I love you. You know that."

I do know. I see it in his eyes everyday, every curve of his mouth when I visit him at his stepfather's shop, when he tells me things about his day and then ends with "I wish you were there too." I would be a fool to doubt the love he has for me right now, but I can't guarantee the love he'll feel for me next year, or the year after.

I hold his face, shifting closer. "Harry, I need time. Can I think about this?"

Harry's eyes widen and his mouth forms into a smile. "Annaliese Favreau, are you rejecting my proposal?"

"I'm not rejecting! I'm--"

"Stalling," he finishes, sighing. "Alright. I will give you time."

"Can I tell you by the end of the year?"

He pulls away immediately, horrified. "Absolutely not! Maybe by the end of the month because I'm being so generous!"

End of the month. It's July 7th. Only a little over 3 weeks to give him an answer. "Okay," I muse quietly. "Fine."

He doesn't look too happy about it, but he's not upset either. "Okay," he repeats. "Wow. I never considered that you might reject me. Of course you always surprise me, but still."

"I didn't reject you!"

The teasing smile returns to his face as he leans in to kiss me softly. His mouth is very warm and he tastes faintly of wine.

"Okay," he murmurs, "but you didn't say yes either. I love you."

I press myself closer, unable to get enough of the kisses. "Je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime."

***

There are other factors that make me reluctant about marriage, not only based on what I've seen in my childhood and young adult life. The war continues, showing no promise of an end. I look at Harry, who's finished with his education and the sole male from his family, fresh bait for the government to draft. The thought causes my knees to buckle, my heart squeezing with discomfort as if it's going to stop beating altogether. I look at him and imagine him far from me, far from his family he loves so dearly, and I want to take us all thousands of miles away. To marry him and have such little time with him? No, I can't mourn Harry.

Harry, on the other hand, isn't all that concerned about the war. He says he's got luck on his side and he's yet to be drafted so far into the war. He'll slip by unnoticed. He doesn't stop to consider he was too young when the war first began, and he's in the prime age for it now.

We don't talk about the war a lot, the thought of Harry joining makes me sick. He may not know too much about war (and his ignorance is sometimes for the better), however, I do know war. Stories of my grandfather in the war of 1870 haunts me, and if the war on the Western Front is anything like that, I cannot fully comprehend the terror I feel.

If we were to marry, I'd take up on his offer to go far from here. America, seemingly, is a safe bet for now.

***

Days pass by in a blur of anxiety. I have an answer for him by the end of the week, after Germany closes in on Paris as she had done years ago. We're at Hyde Park after dusk, walking side by side for some time. Harry doesn't speak, allowing me to gather my thoughts.

We stop at the large willow tree I usually read under and sit down against the hard roots, resting our backs against the dark trunk. It was unbearably hot today, but my sweating isn't caused only by the weather. Although it's dark, the temperature has yet to dip, very unlike the usual gloomy weather of London.

"I have an answer for you," I say, looking at a wilted branch looming over our heads just a few feet away.

Harry looks handsome, the gentle moonlight streaming over his face, light green eyes staring down at me, mouth curved into a smile. "And here I thought you snuck us out to have sex."

"Have sex under a tree in the dark? It's like you don't even know me, Styles."

Harry laughs, wrapping his arms around me, drawing me to his lap. His lips press to my throat, kissing softly. "I'd like to argue that I know you a little too well." He feels my fast pulse and slowly draws back. "Is that a no?" he asks quietly, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"It's not a no," I tell him, resting my hands on his sternum.

"You look so sad telling me yes," he sighs, resting his head back against the trunk. "Annaliese, I won't be angry if you say no. You have every right to say no. I'd just like a good reason as to why. The last thing I want to do is pressure you."

Tears brim in my eyes, and against my better judgment, I do nothing to hide them. In the dark, he can't see them, but he'd surely be alarmed by the sight of them. I rarely ever cry and right now, I feel as if I'm on the brink of hysteria.

"I don't want you to die," I whisper, afraid to raise my voice. "I don't want you to go to war."

The crickets are chirping very loudly, but that may just be because of Harry's silence.

"I'm not going to war, Annaliese," he answers, confused. "Where is this coming from?"

My fingers twist his shirt, unable to look at him. In the summer, he has freckles across his nose and cheeks, his dark hair shorter to keep him from overheating. I know all too much about him, about how his hands are calloused after a day at the printing shop, how he gets ink on his pants and it never comes off, how he often forgets to lock up the shop when he's on his lunch break. All these memories I have of the man I sit with currently will not be made into memories of a widow.

"They're drafting. And you're single. You have no kids. Nothing is tying you down."

Harry takes a big breath and exhales for the longest time. "You can marry me for any reason you want, Annaliese, but I will not let you marry me out of fright."

"Well, it's not you I'm scared of, Harry."

"No," he says firmly, holding my arms. "Annaliese. I want you to marry me because you want to. Not because you feel obligated."

"Obligation or not, Harry, I would do anything to keep you here with me."

Harry sighs again, deeper this time as if he's getting impatient. "I'm not afraid of dying."

"You may not be afraid of it, but I am!" My chest begins to ache from anxiety, breath shallowing.

"And I understand that," he says tensely, "but even if I don't die from the war, I could easily die from something else as early as tomorrow."

"Harry," I continue, holding his collar. "It's not the same. I plan on marrying you one day. And like you, I have no plans of leaving you, so is it so wrong if I marry you now and save you from trouble anyways?"

I can barely see his face except for an eye and the corner of his mouth. His lips are twisted down, his eyes narrowed in thought. My heart thunders in my ears, breath quickens to an embarrassingly fast pace, fingers trembling. My grip on his shirt is too tight. I let it go and my knuckles ache. The crickets are louder than before.

When he speaks, it's slow and deliberate. "I want you to marry me because you love me and trust me to make you happy. Right now. Not in the future, not years and years from now. I don't want anything else to be a factor in this decision." His body rumbles underneath me, voice deep and understanding. He's such a different man from his father. "I don't care about dying. I told you that a week ago. I just want to be yours."

He pauses to make sure every word hits me, and then continues on, "But, since this is a really big worry of yours... I can negotiate with you."

"Why?"

Harry chuckles under me, touching my chin. "Why? Christ, because I love you and I will have you any way I can."

"But I want you to be happy while loving me."

He gently swipes away a tear. "I know, Annaliese, and if you agree, it'll make me very happy. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"If you agree to marry me, only for me and not for any other obligation, I'll take you to America where we'll be far from the war. I told you I wanted to leave England and you want that too. This way, you'll have me without the prospect of drafting, and I'll have you, all to myself. And you won't be able to run away from me."

He tilts his head so the moonlight falls directly on his face and I can see his eager expression, eyes watching me carefully. "How's that?"

I love this man, not only when he's arguing with me about something he's passionate about, but when he's being reasonable against my unreasonable self.

But for how long can we run? And what if the war reaches America by the time we get there? There is no hope in staying in Europe, not with the war raging and ruining every country including mine. That brief thought I had about moving to France with Harry is long gone and foolish to think about now. The siege has not only left me in terror about my family, but about the proximity of how close it is to England, mere hours away from us. Air raids have become more frequent, not yet touching our side, but I hear them at night. I hear the planes while Harry is fast asleep in the other room and I feel it grip my heart in a tight fist. I can't breathe, scrambling out of bed to check if there's one coming towards us. I wait for Harry to arrive at my door, but he pays little attention to the politics of the world, the ones that are so against him.

Running away has always been an option, and Harry has mentioned on multiple occasions that he doesn't plan on staying in England for long. His tense relations with his family and the idea of getting a better paying job in America has always been on his list, but will we be making the right decision? America is not a country away. We would be leaving our past, our families, our notion of safety on these lands. We'd be foreigners, unaccustomed to the culture of America and their ways of living.

I have been an outsider for so long; in my closest circles, in different lands, in my own relationship. And I don't think Harry knows the consequences of leaving. Harry doesn't seem to understand any consequences of decisions that are literally life and death.

But he looks at me with an immense amount of trust, and he gives me a smile. "Don't worry," he says, running his thumb over my face. "I'll keep you fed."

"You know that's not what I'm worried about."

"I'm only joking, my love."

He waits patiently.

"Okay," I say finally, holding his face between my hands. "Merde. I'm saying yes."

A wide grin breaks out onto his face as he scrambles to sit up, hands on my waist. "You'll marry me?" He leans in and kisses me, hard, desperate. "Fuck. You do make me insane, Favreau. Can't believe the things you make me do."

"Better get used to it, Styles," I laugh, sniffling.

"I've been getting used to it for a year now, ma femme."

I hold onto him tightly when he brings me in for a hug, anxiety still prodding at my ribs. My eyes close. I squeeze him and send a quick prayer to whoever is up there to keep the man in my arms save from harm.

[matchalovertrait]

"So, I bumped into Alfonso Alto the other day and I gave him a piece of my mind. I know you guys have to keep things civil because it 'looks better' and whatever. However, I don't really care. Maybe my image is all I cared about in the past, but there are more important things to me now. I loathe that man for what he did."

"Thank you, but you really didn't have to do all that. We're trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith we will all come out okay in the end."

"But how can you stay optimistic? Why are you still nice to me? I'm furious at Alfonso, but I haven't been a saint to you either."

"Yeah, honestly. I don't think I deserved all those snide remarks you've made. Consider yourself lucky that you had the decency to at least be kind to my children. If you crossed that line, then I would've said something to everyone."

"And I apologize. You really didn't deserve any of that. My behavior and attitude towards you were the last thing you needed. You were just a young girl."

"Yes, I was. I was new to this country. I was scared and alone. I was so happy when I thought my new friend group was only made up of genuine, supportive people. Why do that to me?"

"You want the truth? I was envious of you. You had so little but you were still so much happier than a lot of people. Then, you got pregnant from a one-night stand, and I was ready to celebrate! I thought surely that was the thing that was finally going to bring you down-"

"Really? What kind of backwards thinking is that?"

"Hey, I'm explaining here. Anyway, then I saw what you and Erick had. The relationship between you two was still so strong despite being just friends, and that bothered me so much. Hector and I have been in a loveless marriage for decades now. I know he still loves Lucia."

"That's awful, Hilary. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, it's not all that bad.. We do make a powerful team in the wedding industry. Speaking of which, I come with an apology gift!! Our wedding venue needs a reliable partner, a baker like you. You'll bake things, obviously, but also you'll organize the cake tastings, serve the cake at the weddings, yadda yadda. Best of all? You're basically advertising your bakery every time you go to the venue."

"Hilary, that sounds amazing and all, but aren't weddings usually on weekend nights? I spend that time with my family. And cake tastings are probably during the week, so your customers are going to have to come over here. I have a business to run."

"OUR customers. Look, Noemí, I think it's worth considering. We'll work on it. The kids are getting older now. Maybe they could help out every now and then too."

"No, I want them to focus on being kids.. but, yeah. Thank you for coming to me with this offer. I think I might take you up on it. I'll let you know."

"Perfect! There's no rush. Am I forgiven, then? Sorry, I don't apologize oft- hey, wait! I did it again. Look at me."

"Thank you, Hilary. All is forgiven.... buut I'll forgive you even more if you help me set up my store right now before it's time to open. You did take some of my time."