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thankskenpenders · 4 years ago

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And so that’s it... nearly 200 issues deep, we’re done with the contributions of original writer Michael Gallagher. I’ve been asked in the past about the possibility of writing an article going over Gallagher’s run, like what I did with Penders. And I might still do that. But for now, here’s a shorter postmortem summarizing my feelings on the work of the original writer for history’s longest-running video game comic

I think it’s easy to look back on Gallagher’s silly old stories with a lot of nostalgia, especially after seeing what the series would become in its Dark Age. I can’t blame anyone who feels this way. I feel that way sometimes, too. It was a simpler time, with short, self-contained stories and a ton of puns, and it was a lot more easily digestible than a lot of the teen melodrama and half-baked sci-fi that followed. But the thing is... that doesn’t mean that Gallagher’s writing was good

Gallagher was always an odd fit for Sonic. I can’t really blame the man for introducing lame concepts like Cal and Al that didn’t fit in with Sonic early on because it’s not like he had much to work with in the early days. The guy was expected to write a monthly comic series based on a couple 16-bit platformers with very little story and some snippets from a cartoon that wasn’t out yet. He also had no way of knowing that his work here would lay the foundation for the longest video game comic ever made. I don’t envy his job. Of course he’d do a goofball story where Sonic travels back to caveman times. It’s not like he had much else to do

But as the series progressed and the cartoons and games gave the comic writers more material to work with, Gallagher didn’t really play along. He gave us a few solid, fun stories like Mecha Madness, but for the most part he was off in his own world, trying to sell us on shoehorned characters like the Forty Fathom Freedom Fighters or the Downunda Freedom Fighters who existed almost exclusively to deliver new flavors of lame pun. One time he even worked with Jim Valentino to make a naval-gazing parody of classic Guardians of the Galaxy so they could make lame puns about a comic they used to write (that very few children in 2001 reading Archie Sonic would be familiar with)

People generally pinpoint Penders as the guy who became obsessed with his own pet characters over the main cast as time went on, but really, Gallagher was just as guilty. And honestly, sometimes Gallagher doing it bugged me more. At least Penders had some prominent characters people actually liked, like Elias, Lara-Su, and Julie-Su, as well as some semblance of an overarching plot to work with. Meanwhile Gallagher was over here trying desperately to get people to care about a group of characters he had created exclusively as a vehicle for trite Australia jokes

Gallagher did introduce a few characters who stuck around, but he doesn’t really deserve much of the credit for that. Most notable would probably be Fiona Fox, who would become a major recurring character under later writers... except Gallagher only really invented her robotic doppelganger that Robotnik tricked Tails into falling in love with that one time. He created Knuckles’ grandfather Athair, the one comic character to somehow make it into a cartoon, but Penders helped out with that lore and did more with the character, meaning most people just assume he’s another Penders echidna. He created Tails’ parents, but Karl and Ian were the ones who actually did stuff with them. And he created the Ancient Walkers, who were kind of neat at first but quickly devolved into a tired plot device, only to be killed off by Ian almost immediately to cut down on the deus ex machinas. If you look at the list of characters Gallagher created, it’s mostly just randos he created for the sake of puns

And that’s really what most of it comes down to. Lame puns. I’m totally down for Sonic stories that go for a silly tone. I love Sonic Boom as much as the next fan, and I’ve been having a blast with the extremely goofy Sonic X comics. I’m not a cartoon snob who won’t watch a show that doesn’t have action and drama and lore, I’m out here watching shows like Apple & Onion. But while Gallagher could write good jokes sometimes, he mostly relied on groanworthy newspaper strip-level puns. (I guess it’s fitting, considering he’s related to both the guy who created Heathcliff AND his successor who makes those comics about the Garbage Ape.) I love me a good pun from time to time, and a lot of Gallagher’s are funnier when shared out of context, but when a story is just wall to wall puns it becomes agonizing. Puns should be a spice, not a main ingredient. And when Gallagher got a chance to follow an ACTUAL newspaper comic strip format in the Off Panel, he fared even worse. It was so rare for the Off Panels he wrote to actually be any funny

He WAS genuinely funny at times, though. I’ll give him credit for that. I don’t want it to seem like I hated ALL of his stories. (He did impress me with at least one political joke that’s sadly still relevant today, and in hindsight there’s something really funny on a meta level about the dark and gritty return of Cal and Al.) I think his best work came when he was paired with better artists. Scott Shaw’s more energetic Sonics really helped sell the cartoony comedy in the original miniseries, and obviously Spaziante’s work on Mecha Madness made that story legendary. When he was stuck with the less exciting Manak or Mawhinney, though, not so much

Beyond the puns, there was also this undercurrent of nastiness, meanness, and general grossness in his stories that I don’t see as many fans pick up on. This was mainly evident in the many odd decisions he made with the female cast

We had his take on Sally, who was treated as little more than Sonic’s annoying, moody, bossy girlfriend who bickered with him, sat on a big throne, and occasionally got to be a damsel in distress. He added Bunnie to the cast early on, but it felt like he didn’t have many ideas for what to do with her except make her the butt of jokes about her being a southern belle, including literally making her say “the South shall rise again!” We had Barby Koala’s extremely creepy flirting with Tails, who was half her age. We had that tone deaf Off-Panel joke about turning the special dedicated to the female readers into a swimsuit special (which isn’t far off from what everyone else actually did). And we also had that baffling story where Dulcy killed her mother. I have NO idea what the fuck he thought he was going for with that one.

It wasn’t just the girls, though--Antoine was somehow even more of a punching bag in Gallagher’s early stories than he was on SatAM. At least in the cartoon Sonic was responding to Antoine’s’ massive ego when he poked fun at him. In the early comics, Sonic would constantly rag on Antoine at any opportunity he got. It was VERY distracting in the early issues, and it made his Sonic come off as way more of a jerk

Later writers would often talk about needing to fix certain characters. Penders, for all his countless insufferable faults, used his early stories to steer Sally towards the version of the character fans knew from SatAM. (He then ruined Sally in his own special way, but, you know.) Just about every writer who touched him spent years and years trying to fix Antoine and make readers stop hating him. The unspoken part here is that the original incarnations of these characters that everyone had to work so hard to fix... were Gallagher’s

Again, Gallagher didn’t have an easy job as the first writer on this series, and most of his stories were... fine. Nothing I’d recommend to non-fans, but they had their moments. They make for an amusing read for their sheer absurdity. But a lot of it ranged from not very good to outright bad. We’ll always cut him some slack for having so little to work off of when he started and for writing stories that were, in hindsight, better (or at least less grating) than a lot of the melodramatic schlock that came later. I’ll always have some nostalgia for those simpler times. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that Gallagher’s stuff was ever all that good

But I can’t hate the guy too much, because he gave me the greatest Sonic character of all time

#StH 185 #tkp post

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ginkgowritings · 4 years ago

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May I ask for a HC for all Boys, how they plan their own wedding with their MC? Like, would they like a big or small wedding, would they let MC make most of the decisions?

Thank you for the request! This is such a cute request to do as my first request here. Headcanons under the cut.

Gavin

Gavin doesn’t care much about what the ceremony is like, he mainly just cares about the marriage itself and wants to be married as soon as possible.

However, he’d still want to have some sort of ceremony as it’s the only time in his life he ever plans to get married and he wants to see you walk down the aisle.

Would leave most of the planning to you, mainly only offering his opinion if you ask him for it.

The only thing he’s dead set on is wanting to make your rings. He designed and made your ginkgo bracelet, and he would’ve made your engagement ring as well.

He wants to make the wedding rings perfect so he’ll get the help of a professional jeweller if he needs it. He sees the rings as one of the most important parts of the wedding since you’ll still wear them after the ceremony and he wants to be the one to create them.

He also would want to get an amazing photographer to perfectly document the wedding, he wants to be able to look back on it forever. You’ll end up with a huge wedding album and beautifully shot videos of the ceremony.

You go to several wedding venues together to decide which one you want to book. Internally, he gets super excited at every venue as he’s imagines getting married to you there.

After going to several venues you go to a beautiful outdoor venue together. As you talk with the venue manager you notice the wind picking up unusually and look at Gavin only to see him staring off into the distance with a contented look on his face.

He imagines getting married to you there and gets a bit too excited, unknowingly letting his wind evol rustle through the trees as the site manager stares on in confusion. It’s the biggest reaction you’ve gotten out of Gavin so far so you immediately decide to book that venue.

He would prefer a small to medium ceremony as he thinks it’s more intimate but would let you have a large ceremony if you wanted to.

Knowing what he wants will be hard sometimes as he is happy with everything you choose.

Ask him about something and he’ll usually reply with some variation of “If that’s what you want” while smiling softly at you.

“Gavin, if I asked to decorate with corpse flowers would you let me?” “... Would that make you happy?”

You start asking him to choose between multiple things as it’s the best way to actually get his opinion.

As you focus on planning the wedding he will plan the perfect honeymoon. He knows wedding planning is stressful, so he wants to plan a honeymoon where you can both relax and get some much-needed rest.

He just wants everything to be perfect for you.

Kiro

Kiro will want to plan everything together! However, his schedule makes it hard to come with you sometimes.

If he is unable to make it he’ll ask you to send him pictures of everything and he’ll give you his opinion as soon as he can.

Savin gets annoyed because Kiro is constantly on his phone responding to your wedding planning texts and it’s even harder than usual to get Kiro to listen.

He may miss when you go to pick out some decorations but he’ll make sure he can come to the cake tasting! He can’t experience those delicious cakes through texts and pictures after all.

Both of you feel a bit sick after the cake tasting because you ate way more than one bite of each one.

You end up doing more than one cake tasting because it’s so hard to decide, they all taste amazing.

Both of you continue to make the mistake of eating way too much at the cake tasting. It’s the perfect excuse for Kiro to eat cake without Savin being able to stop him.

He loves his fans but he’s worried about the few jealous misbehaving ones and journalists interfering with the wedding. Due to this, he makes sure to hire the best security, he can’t have anyone ruining the wedding.

Might suggest a destination wedding to make it harder for fans and media to find it, but he wouldn’t push the idea if you were against it.

You both get overly excited and order way more food, decorations, etc. than what’s needed. Your guests will need to eat a lot to get through all the food.

Neither of you could decide between all the amazing options so your wedding lowkey ends up becoming a mini food festival, there’s plenty of variety!

Your wedding won’t be huge but it won’t be small either, he wants everyone important in your lives to be there to witness your marriage.

He wants to sing to you at your wedding, but he wants it to be a surprise so he plans it in secret.

Writes a song just for your wedding day and it encapsulates all his feelings perfectly.

He’s way more nervous about performing at his wedding than any concert he’s done. Having a song displaying his feelings for you so openly in front of everyone important in your lives makes him feel vulnerable, but he’s determined to still do it and do it perfectly.

You’ll end up with a wedding perfect for the both of you.

Lucien

Lets you take the lead when planning the wedding, but is still involved and overviews everything.

Regularly improves your ideas. When you choose your main flowers he’ll know the perfect way a accentuate them, knows the best place to put the lighting to make everything look beautiful, know the perfect venue, etc.

Writes amazing wedding vows. He’ll write several different versions before settling on one and all of them will be ridiculously poetic.

Small ceremony with only a few guests.

Helps you organise everything so planning will go as smoothly as possible and you don’t stress out too much.

Sometimes subtly hints at things until you suggest them. You’ll think it’s your own idea, but he planted the idea in your mind.

Listens to all your ideas carefully and tries to bring all of them to fruition.

Smooth talks vendors into giving you discounted prices.

Lots of planning together in the evening after you’ve both returned from work. You’ll sit on the couch together with your laptop or tablet as you scroll through countless websites to get inspiration and find everything you need.

You probably have a shared Pinterest account with countless wedding boards. You’re the one who pins things most of the time, but Lucien is the one to carefully organise it so everything is easy to find when needed.

He notices you staring at a particular dress picture even longer than usual and immediately finds a store nearby with a similar one ridiculously fast.

He just finds everything you need with scary precision, you have no idea how he does it.

He can do it because he secretly researched heaps in advance and has basically memorised everything wedding related in the area before he even proposed.

Due to his research and organisation planning goes incredibly smoothly.

Though it isn't big everything will be more than perfect, creating a wedding straight out of a fairytale.

Victor

Originally says he’ll let you plan everything but then proceeds to constantly be involved “Just to make sure everything goes smoothly”

He really just wants to be involved.

He’s way more excited than he lets on, even just watching you pick out decorations makes him excited.

The wedding will be big as he has a lot of people to invite, he’ll handle the seating arrangements to make sure the people who are important to both of you are the most involved though.

He will oversee everything to make sure it’s perfect, no matter how much it adds to his schedule.

“Instead of a cake can we have a giant pudding?” “Don’t you want something special? I always make you pudding” “The giant part makes it special, and your pudding is the best”

Acts like he’s exasperated but is actually super happy you like his pudding so much.

Proceeds to design the entire menu instead of hiring outside chefs to do it. He’ll still other people to cook the food on the day so he can focus on the ceremony, but all the recipes will be his.

Though he’s getting other people to cook the food he insists on making the giant pudding himself. He works hard to make it perfect and has to try a few times before he gets it right.

You get to try all his attempts so you’re definitely not complaining. Everything you both can’t finish yourselves goes to your employees so you’ll have a very happy office.

While Victor lets you make most of the general decisions he can be a bit picky as he only wants the best, so he ends up making the final decision on most of the specifics.

Like you choose what flowers to decorate with and he will choose how they’re arranged, you can choose what type of much you want to be played and he chooses the perfect band for it, etc.

Gets a first dance choreographed and takes dancing lessons with you so you can both learn it perfectly. These lessons end up being one of his favourite parts of the planning process, it’s such a fun activity to do with you.

One of your dress requirements becomes something you can easily dance in. He doesn’t want to risk you tripping over or being too constricted.

He also just wants you to be comfortable and not wear something that will take your focus away from your happiness because you’re too worried about falling over.

Of course, he won’t sacrifice beauty for comfort though and makes sure to help you find a dress that is just as beautiful as it is comfortable

Gets a suit that compliments your dress perfectly.

Together you’ll create the perfect movie-like wedding.

Shaw

Honestly doesn’t care much about the ceremony. He just wants to be married to you and would be perfectly happy to just go to the courthouse and sign the papers.

But since you want a wedding he starts caring about it to make you happy. He’s certain you’ll only be married once, so he isn’t going to take the chance of a wedding ceremony you want away from you.

Thinks weddings are too expensive and he doesn’t understand why. He’ll regularly think something is extremely overpriced and have to stop himself from being overly snarky with the vendor/manager/etc.

Due to this, you will end up doing most of the planning, and when he is involved in the planning you’re still usually the one to talk to anyone else involved.

Small ceremony with only the most important people in your lives attending.

You’ll set a budget together and then split it with half of it going to the ceremony while the other half goes to the honeymoon.

You know Shaw cares more about spending time with you than the wedding ceremony, so you let him plan the honeymoon while you plan the wedding.

Just hope he doesn’t plan anything too crazy.

You’ll make sure to stay within budget, but you also won’t tell him what most things costs unless he asks. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Though he isn’t that interested in the ceremony itself he loves watching you get excited while planning everything and finds himself starting to look forward to it.

His favourite part of the planning process was watching you try on dresses. You looked so happy and beautiful doing it.

Tries to get you to buy a dress that shows a lot of skin.

“When there’s less material the dress is cheaper, plus you look hot”

It being cheaper is only an excuse it’s really just because you look hot.

Planning a wedding with Shaw will be a bit chaotic, but it'll still be a beautiful wedding.

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #gavin #mlqc gavin #kiro #mlqc kiro #lucien #mlqc lucien #victor #mlqc victor #shaw #mlqc shaw #I haven'r written fluff in so long #how do you not cause characters pain #idk but I hope it's fine #jasmine writes

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omnivorousshipper · 4 years ago

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What if the Shaw siblings didn’t know eachother, and they met in MI6 but Deck still eventually takes them as his sibs

I... I...

You're breaking my heart here, friend!

The Shaw siblings being related is like a universal truth!

However...

(Also, I was kind of in a funk tonight, so thank you for the lovely prompt friend)

Looking down at the two files of the newest recruits, Deckard let out a sigh. These two were being assigned to him to be trained, and he wasn't sure if he was happy that he got the most competent of the bunch. Or he apparently got the most confrontational ones

Owen had done several years in the military and had risen in the ranks very quickly, with a long list of successful missions

But, he seemed to have a problem working in a team. Sure, he could lead, but the issue came when he was the one given the orders

And then there was Hattie

She had been the very top of her class at university and had flown through the entry level training MI6 required. But, she had started several fights along the way with not only her fellow trainees, but with every other person in charge of her training

Rubbing his temples, Deckard just hoped to god that the two of them wouldn't fight each other or him when he took them under his wing for most specialized training

~~~

Stepping into the training room, Deckard looked around for his recruits.

He could see several of the other trainers already scooping their own up and picking out a place in the room to talk

Finally, Deckard's eyes landed on Owen, who seemed to be taunting another recruit

"Think you're a hot shot just because your uncle is in the royal guard?" Owen sneered, leaning into the other guy's face

"No, but I'm thinking you're a right arse!" The other growled

"Oi! Knock it off." Deckard barked, strolling up to the pair. Their heads snapped over to him. "Owen, with me. Now."

Owen sent one more glare to the other recruit before falling in step with Deckard

"So, you're the amazing Deckard Shaw I've been hearing about." Owen said, looking at Deckard out of the corner of his eye. Deckard ignored the look and the way Owen seemed to straight his back and make himself even taller than Deckard

"Yep." Deckard grunted. He didn't have the patience for this. Luckily, it was just as easy to find Hattie

She was the one trying to choke out a guy with her thighs

He heard Owen let out a whistle at the sight

"Impressive." He muttered

Deckard just rolled his eyes

"Oi!" He yelled. Hattie looked up at him with an innocent expression

"Is there a problem?" She asked sweetly

Deckard looked at her blandy

Owen snorted in amusement next to him

"Just get off the wanker and follow me." Deckard said flatly

She tightened her thighs for a second but finally released the man, who coughed and glared

"You're not going reprimand her?" He hissed at Deckard

"No. Now get off the floor. You look pathetic." He sneered at the man. Turning to Owen and Hattie, he sent them a firm look. "You two, follow me."

Without a second glance, he pushed past them to the other side of the large room. He could hear both of their footsteps behind him and their whispering about how Hattie could perfect her fighting techniques

It was going to be a long day

~~~

When they weren't pestering him about his own career at MI6, Owen and Hattie actually seemed to be great recruits.

They could almost keep up with his physical training, and while they were very cocky about espionage, they understood it

"Alright you two, let's take a break." Deckard finally told them. They both had each other pinned on the ground, neither backing down. "Go eat and come back in an hour."

Walking away from them, Deckard could hear Owen ask:

"Want to get Greek? I know a place near by."

"Sure."

Well, at least Deckard didn't have to deal with those two fighting.

Watching Owen and Hattie, he could see that Owen appreciated having people who could keep up with his intellect and wit. While Hattie seemed to relax around those that didn't look down on her and her skills

They were definitely the black sheep of the new recruits, but Deckard had a feeling that's why they gave them to him

He wasn't normally a trainer, but when they're was a difficult recruit MI6 wanted to keep but their regular trainers couldn't keep in line, they called him

And they were right to. Owen and Hattie would have wiped the floor with anyone else

And they wouldn't even have to touch someone to have them in tears

~~~

After enjoying his own lunch, Deckard came back to find Owen and Hattie talking admittedly, excitement on their faces. When he walked up to them, they turned to him

"Is it true you actually killed a guy with a pen?"

"Or that you broke in the palace just to pet the queen's corgis?"

Deckard blinked in surprise at the wave of questions sent his way. Holding up his hand, they fell quiet

"First, we're not here to talk about my file. Second, that's all confidential, so don't even think about looking any of it up." That last part was accompanied with a sharp glare. He knew Hattie graduated with a degree in computer science and knew how to hack. And Owen could squeeze info out of anyone

They both pouted at him

Rolling his eyes, he continued their training

~~~

After that first day, both Owen and Hattie seemed to follow him around like ducklings. They were always pestering him about his accomplishments, and when he shut that down, they would ask questions on how to improve their own techniques.

In the three months Deckard trained them, he learned a lot about the two

Owen couldn't eat nuts, he would sing when he was comfortable or sleepy, and he always had some kind of food on his person

Hattie enjoyed incredibly dry humor, was able to quote every giant monster movie from Japan, and seemed to be constantly in a hacking war with somebody

The only thing Deckard had really told them about himself was that he enjoyed to cook

That was a huge mistake

Once learning that, they kept bugging him to let them taste his cooking. And once he caved and brought lunch for all three of them, they were like starving wolves

Every day they would pester him to make all of their meals, they'd even pay him if he wanted

Those offers were met with much harsher training. Which didn't seem to bother them

After two months, Deckard had relented and let them come over to his apartment for dinner. They almost didn't leave

From then on, he found himself making lunch for three instead of his singular meal. It was nice to cook for others

~~~

"That's enough for today." Deckard called out to the pair, who lay panting and exhausted

Owen sat up first

"Hey, Deck-"

"I told you to call me Shaw."

"-since this is our last day together, want to come over to my place and celebrate? Hatts already agreed."

Frowning, Deckard looked down at the two recruits. They stared back with hope in their eyes

"Fine. Why not?"

~~~

Stepping into Owen's apartment, Deckard felt like he was having a stroke.

The place looked like a tornado had come through the place

Dirty dishes littered the place, with clothes as well, while the garbage can seemed to be overflowing for the last few weeks

However, none of it seemed to affect Owen, who plopped down on the couch and turned on a movie. Nor did it seem to bother Hattie as she strolled through the place grabbed a drink from the near empty fridge

Standing in the entryway, Deckard shook his head

These two needed help

And knowing him, he'd be the one to give it

Sighing, Deckard accepted his fate of cleaning up after the two. Either in daily life, or in their jobs

Deckard was too invested in them not to take care of them now

After only three months, it felt as if Deckard had known the two his whole life.

Shaking his head, Deckard had to wonder what the two of them would have been like growing up. Probably the same, just smaller

I hope you enjoyed friend!! This was a very fun prompt!

#deckard shaw #owen shaw #hattie shaw #hobbs and shaw #shaw siblings #shaw family

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thescarletgang · 4 years ago

Text

One Such Night...

So, I'm back from my writer's block and I thought to try writing from another fandom of mine that I follow. I realised that there is so less content for Mara Dyer, so here's my contribution! I haven't yet read The Shaw Confessions, so this fic is solely based on The Mara Dyer Trilogy.

Warning : Self-harm

It was a chilling night and when the wind blew it made a spooky sound but that wasn’t scary for her, Mara’s dreams were scary enough for her to be afraid of anything else. Her life had been scary enough for her to be afraid of anything else. Those terrifying nightmares. Whatever she does, she is never able to get rid of those. She had woken up from one of such nightmares this night. Again.

As much as she shows herself to be strong, she can never look at those parts of her life again.

The accident where it all began. With Jude, Rachel and Claire.

Her father's face when he was shot.

Her almost killing those boys at the subway.

And the worst, looking at Noah’s dead body.

She shivered and chastised herself for remembering all this. Nightmares were enough, and her mind has become a terrifying place. She would never want to get lost there. How easy life had once been and now when she wasn’t even an adult, she felt the burden of agony, misery, pain on her shoulders. It was as if a single more burden would break her. She knew she deserved everything that happened to her for every terrible thing she had done. For every murder she had committed and not suffered the consequences. It doesn’t matter if the world was a better place without the people she killed. Because if it was, then she should be dead too. The world will definitely become a wonderful place. When her rage catches her, it is hard for anyone to bring her back.

Only Noah has ever been able to bring her back. In her head, there is only ever right or wrong. The in-between is lost with her consciousness. She wished she had the ability to erase her memories. It would have much better.

Her dark side terrifies her. It terrifies her that she might hurt her family. That she might hurt Noah.

She had to leave her childhood innocence. The day she killed Rachel. The day she killed the person who knew her as only a best friend could know her. She wished she hadn't left her room that night. Claire and Rachel might have made fun of her but at least they would be alive.

She knew she resembled just her name.

Mara.

Death.

All she could ever bring is death. Death on those she cares about. She wants to stop living this torture. She wants to kill herself. But she can't. She would never pass this curse to her brother.

But there shouldn't be any harm in feeling the touch of the pain the others must have felt. Right?

She deserved to feel the pain of Rachel.

She went towards the mirror.

She saw the razor there.

She picked it up.

She looked at herself once in the mirror.

She saw a girl with tiredness written all over the face.

But she knew that it was just a facade presented by the girl who has killed several people.

She put the razor on her arm, a bit below the wrist so as to draw the blood out but not to harm her veins.

All she now has to do is apply a bit of pressure and it should be over in a second.

She braced herself for the pain to come when the razor flew out of her hands.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She turned to see who had said it.

Noah.

"How did you come here?"

"That's not the point, Mara! What the hell were you thinking? Have you started sleepwalking again? Or are your ability taking control over you again?" Noah had fury in his face. Not at her, but at the unfairness of the world.

Well, he didn't ever need to worry about being in control by your rage. Mara thought. All he could do, if his powers go out of control is save all the patients nearby.

While she was lost in her head, Noah had become more worried. He said "Look at me, Mara. What's going on?" He lightly touched her cheeks with his fingers and turned her face towards him.

She looked into his eyes and saw how worried he was. He had already seen his mother die in front of him, how he would have felt when he saw her trying to intentionally hurt herself.

"I- Noah, I can't do this anymore." She didn't yell it or whisper it. She simply said it. As if it were a fact.

"Mara, don't think that. Please. You couldn't have done anything else. You were new to all of it. You were new to your power. You didn't understand it. And you were being unknown to all the schemes others were planning. You already suffered so much in the accident."

"That's the problem, Noah. I killed her. I killed Rachel." Mara said. "I can only ever bring death. Just like my name." She gave out a humourless laugh.

"Maybe your name does mean death, Mara. But it also means rebirth. Give yourself a chance to redeem yourself. Give yourself a chance to move forward. You know I'll always stand by you and help you through it."

Mara felt better. She hugged him and cried into his shoulders. She whispered "I am sorry. I am so sorry."

She wasn't apologising for cutting herself. She already regretted it. She was apologising that he had to see it. He knew it too.

After a while, when her tears had dried out and she felt much better, she looked at him again when she remembered again.

"How did you get inside?"

"I'm honestly surprised that you still need to ask. Your window is always open, Mara." He gave out a chuckle.

She'll be alright.

She will get better.

She'll try her best to get better.

Because if anything's worth it, it's Noah.

#mara dyer #noah shaw #self harm #madness #kswrites #writingsbyks #the unbecoming of Mara Dyer #the evolution of mara dyer #the retribution of Mara Dyer #mara dyer triology #my fics #tuserks

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katieskarlette · 4 years ago

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Shadows Rising: A Reaction Post

Short, mostly non-spoilery version: I liked it overall. I give it a solid B, maybe a B+.

I was disappointed in how little Nathanos and/or Sylvanas content there was, but I think proclamations of the ship’s doom are premature.

I’m intrigued by the first rumblings of new character development for certain characters, especially Anduin, Alleria and Turalyon.

I was rooting for Talanji so much. She’s great. Zekhan is a cinnamon roll too pure for this world. Sira was kind of boring. Fairshaw is so darn heartwarming I can’t stand it. I like Bwonsamdi more now. The lack of Wrathion is unsurprising but unfortunate. Nothing new with Tyrande but she’s already poised for major development in Shadowlands.

Much longer, spoilery version below.

This ended up being more of a ramble than an essay, but there’s a lot of disjointed thoughts pinging around in my head, so let’s dive in.

Overall, I enjoyed Shadows Rising. Was it the best book ever? No. Not even the best Warcraft book ever. But it was an enjoyable read. It’s always a treat to get into the heads of characters we mostly know in passing from in-game events. There are internal, emotional beats that cannot easily be explored in the game, and the books are a way to build the world and the characters in a more introspective, slow-paced manner. I like that. (That’s not to say there are no action scenes, because there definitely are.)

Talanji, Jaina, Zekhan, and Anduin were all written well and sympathetically. Maiev’s only in a couple scenes, but she felt off to me. Nathanos was very in-character, in all his snide, sour glory. Flynn and Mathias are great together.

The pacing was fine. The descriptions were good, and it all felt grounded in the game world (i.e. landmarks, ambiance, the ridiculous amount of stairs in Daz’alor...) Each of the Horde leaders got a moment or two in the spotlight. Despite a fair amount of chapters about Anduin, Alleria, Turalyon, and Jaina, it still felt like a Horde-centric book to me. Not that that’s a bad thing.

Prologue: Gayness detected on page 8! And it’s even something I kind of inadvertently predicted. In my reaction post for Before the Storm I wrote, “ In this book alone, it would have been so easy to have that blacksmith bringing a helmet as a gift to his long-lost Forsaken husband instead of friend.” That’s basically what we have here. I don’t know if they were married, and neither were blacksmiths, but the Westfall moonshiner describes one of the Forsaken slain in Arathi as “the best man I ever knew and loved.” Tada! See how easy it was? Add Jago x Wilmer to the growing list of LGBT rep in Azeroth. (Even if they’re super minor characters in the long run, it’s still great to see.)

There might be some kind of parallel to be drawn between Alleria failing Anduin (by not finding/killing Sylvanas) and Nathanos failing Sylvanas (by not killing Bwonsamdi) but my brain is too overloaded from binge-reading to articulate it right now. Both failed their king or queen, but both were also given nearly impossible tasks.

Alleria and Turalyon are definitely being set up as antagonists. We are clearly supposed to side with Jaina on this, and be uncomfortable (if not outright horrified) at their torture methods. It’s especially disturbing how they use their respective void and light powers to accomplish their goals. I mean, on one hand it’s great that both sides of the great cosmic divide can work together, and their marriage seems stronger than it was for awhile there, but yeesh...can you not torture people? I know, ends justify the means, slippery slope, greater evil, blah blah, but still...that’s not okay. It’s yet another sign that the Light is not necessarily good (or the void necessarily evil).

I welcome conflict within the Alliance, though. That’s been the Horde’s thing for long enough. Time to see how the blue side deals with its rifts.

In chapter 2 Nathanos is annoyed when a dreadtick flies by his head. What, was it too similar to a bird for his liking? Heh.

All that time in Nazmir, and we didn’t get to see a single crawg! Harumph.

It took three chapters and 39 pages to finally get something from Nathanos' perspective, and he was much more scarce going forward than I had hoped. The bits we did get from his perspective were great and in-character, but I wanted to get into his head more. Most of his scenes were from the POV of Sira or the troll villain instead, and while Apari was a good character I find Sira to be pretty one-dimensional.

I kind of got paternal vibes from Nathanos toward Sira, though. He was like, “I’ve been undead a lot longer than you; I know how to handle the bloodlust and such. Get it out of your system at appropriate times but learn to control yourself. There’s more to (un)life than slaughtering people.” She herself, though, was just “Rawr, I hate everything and want to kill anything that moves.” I mean, I get that she’s been through some traumatic stuff, but I didn’t find myself invested in her at all.

Page 42, as a bunch of trolls are about to be slaughtered: "Hungry birds circled, expectant of a big meal, and Nathanos so hated to disappoint." WHAT? Nathanos wanted to do something nice for BIRDS? I know, the phrasing fits with his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, but considering the running joke about him hating birds, it still made me go, “Huh?”

Chapter 5 (and later on, as it turns out): Zekhan having a soft spot for kids is too precious for this world.

Page 51: Thalyssra's eyes were "sparkling as she gazed across the room at Lor'themar." Awwwwwww. There was a surprising amount of ship fodder in this book overall, with Lor’themar x Thalyssra, Turalyon x Alleria, Fairshaw, and Zehkhan x Talanji all getting a moment or two (or more.)

Chapter 6: Anduin says, "Turalyon, take Alleria Windrunner and investigate these deaths." You know, Alleria...YOUR WIFE? I don't think you need to say her last name there, genius.

While I’m being snarky about the editing, there were at least two times where the word “grieves” was used instead of “greaves.” I spotted a couple other little things that a better editor (or one with more time, maybe it was rushed, I don’t know) would have caught.

Chapter 7: More matter-of-fact LGBT inclusion for minor characters, this time a lesbian troll couple who want to marry. Yes, thank you Blizzard, keep it up.

Chapter 8: If you’re going to make the “Zappy Boy” nickname for Zekhan canon, having Bwonsamdi be the one to wink at the camera and use it was a great decision. I can totally imagine him saying it.

We learn the name of Varok’s wife/Dranosh’s mother: Remda. Although I read elsewhere that the vision Zekhan saw of the Saurfang family in the afterlife was just Bwonsamdi’s B.S., it was still cool.

Chapter 13: Nathanos wearing cologne? Love it. And it’s not even to cover up the rotting smell, because apparently his new body doesn’t stink like some undead; it just doesn’t smell like a living person, either, and some find it unnerving. So he wears cologne. That’s such a delightful little detail, and surprisingly considerate of him.

Sira complaining about bugs: "We'll be eaten alive." Uh no, you'd have to BE ALIVE for that to happen. Tsk.

Nathanos being called "the pale rider" makes me think of old cowboy movies. Like, “You greenhorns better clear out; the Pale Rider is comin’ to town and there’s gonna be trouble. Go wake up the sheriff.”

Sira says that while on the voyage to Zandalar the dark rangers liked to tell the tale of how Nathanos was promoted to Ranger Lord by Sylvanas. I'm surprised he lets them gossip like that! His quests in vanilla made it seem he wanted to keep those parts of his past on the down-low, at least from the player.

Chapter 14: Thrall's second kid is Rehze. *blink* Reh-zee? Rez? Ruh-zay? I guess she’s not named after anyone. After he named his son Durak (sort of after Durotan) I assumed he’d continue the pattern with kid #2. Maybe she’s named after one of Aggra’s relatives. (Later I read on Wowpedia that the author actually said she dislikes the “fan service” trend of naming children after other characters so she just picked a random orcish name. I don’t think it’s fan service, because lots of real-life people do it, but okay. Fair enough.)

Speaking of orcish names, there’s an orc page helping out the council named Gunk. Like, what you clean out from under your fingernails after gardening. Gunk. LOL

Aww, that’s no fun...Maiev's wearing a cape trimmed in white fur, not daggers. What happened to her impeccable/deadly fashion sense?

Chapter 16: Zekhan starting to clap at Talanji's speech and then stopping and shrinking back when he realized no one else was applauding was so freaking adorable.

Chapter 17: Fairshaw, full steam ahead!!! Their chemistry is everything I hoped it would be. Learning a little about Flynn’s tragic past was both fascinating and heartbreaking. (We learned his mom’s name: Lyra Fairwind. R.I.P.)

Chapter 18: Proodmoore keep has a gallery with floor to ceiling oil paintings of the Proudmoore family, extended family, and beloved friends. It now includes Anduin. I can’t help thinking that, in a different timeline, Arthas’ portrait would have been there.

Will wonders never case? Ji Firepaw actually gets to do stuff!!! GASP!

"Thrall understood that to other humans Wrynn was said to be pleasing-looking, but to the orc, Anduin simply looked like a small, pink boy swallowed by clunky armor." So it’s canon that Anduin is good-looking in-universe. But LMAO at Thrall’s description.

Chapter 22: From Shaw’s POV, "These odds ranked pretty low... Maybe just above the time he had relied completely on a shoddy network of spies embedded in a cheese business." OMG leave Elling Trias alone! He did his best! LOL

Shaw wanting to hang out in a mountain meadow and whittle bird calls (perhaps even with a special someone) was so touchingly normal. That’s the kind of characterization that the books are so much better at than the game.

I actually like Bwonsamdi more after reading this. Not that I disliked him before, but I didn’t have a strong sense of him due to not playing Horde as much in BFA. He’s a well-done gray character: not good, not evil, insightful but a smartass, part of the great cycle, out for himself but also taking his duties seriously (saving troll souls from the Maw.)

I’m not entirely sure that we needed as much from Thrall’s POV as we got. I mean, sure, he’s a familiar character with ties to a lot of others, so it was easy to drop him into situations, and his ties to Jaina made cross-faction communication easier, but he didn’t seem as relevant to the lore of Zandalar and the Shadowlands as some other characters.

Maiev seemed OOC, especially in the Stockades scene. I know one of the themes of the book was “people change,” and I suppose I should be happy that she has a more moderate viewpoint nowadays, dialing back the Lust For Vengeance Meter from eleven to maybe a five or a six, but it didn’t feel like Maiev. Especially because her message of “maybe don’t go overboard with this vengeance thing” was aimed at Tyrande, of all people, someone who Maiev has had quite legitimate reasons to dislike for a very, very long time. I could see her maybe mellowing out a little in front of fellow Wardens, but Tyrande? Eh, it didn’t feel right to me.

No surprises from Tyrande in this. She’s still steely cold, vengeance-obsessed, consumed by anger. Not that I blame her, but it’s not healthy. I know we’ll be exploring her situation more in Shadowlands, so this was more of a reminder/reinforcement of where she is right now. It was kind of funny how Thrall, Baine and Calia tried to talk to her and she just gave them the stink eye and the silent treatment, though.

I’m fine with Anduin exploring his dark side a bit more, as long as they don’t go overboard with it. I like him as an earnest, good-hearted character. It’s only natural to test your limits, though, especially in times of crisis. Power corrupts, and he’s got plenty of it, both politically and magically, so I can understand Jaina and Mathias being a bit uneasy. Add to that the increasing themes about the Light not being as benevolent as we originally assumed, and there’s potential for interesting plot there. In the end I want Anduin to stay firmly on the side of good, empathy, compassion, etc., but a deviation into the shadows along the way isn’t a bad thing for the story.

I imagine every single person who read about Anduin sneaking off to the Lion’s Pride Inn in Goldshire smirked about that place’s reputation on certain RP realms. I was surprised he didn’t find scantily-clad elves and draenei dancing on the furniture. And then it turns out Jaina was there, too. Awkward!

Why, oh why couldn’t we have had a scene with Anduin and Wrathion hanging out (incognito, of course) in a tavern? That was their thing in MoP, and now with Anduin desperately wanting to get away from his duties for awhile and soak up some tavern ambiance it would have been perfect. Let Anduin show off the best taverns Stormwind has to offer. Even though Wrathion was as much a guest at the Tavern in the Mists as Anduin was, he acted like he owned the place and Anduin was his guest, so let them turn the tables and have Anduin play host. There could be jokes about how he better not punch Wrathion again or they’ll get kicked out for starting a bar fight. They could have still seen the young recruits, ran into Jaina, etc. But Anduin really needs a buddy to hang out with right now.

And you can’t tell me after Nya’lotha fell Wrathion just disappeared again and never at least visited Stormwind to tell grandiose tales about how he stabbed an Old God, it was so heroic, and he wasn’t scared at all, and those mean adventurers were so quick to believe he’d been corrupted, but he hadn’t, and did you know Azshara was there? And then N’Zoth almost won but KERPOW LAZERS and oh Anduin you should have seen it, etc. etc. etc.

I should be used to being disappointed about Wrathion’s absence by now, but there are SO MANY MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

Sigh. Moving on.

Being exposed to spoilers meant I wasn’t fooled by it, but it was still a deft bit of writing to have the dark rangers drink poison when cornered by Horde soldiers, then mention Nathanos having a vial in his coat, which he drinks when defeated--making the unspoiled reader assume he’s killing himself--only for it to be a kind of liquid hearthstone attuned to Sylvanas. Had I not known that he survived the book I would have freaked out there.

So, like, was Bolvar just sitting there on the ground awkwardly eavesdropping while Sylvanas and Nathanos talked/argued? Or did he use that time to sneak away unnoticed? LOL

Which brings us to the epilogue that’s caused so much hand wringing and wailing from my fellow Blightrunner shippers. It wasn’t the openly sentimental interaction between them that I had hoped for, but I honestly didn’t read it as the doom of the ship. A bump, at worst.

[If you’re not interested in the relationship between Nathanos and Sylvanas, or if you’re one of those people who simply hate his character, you can skip the rest of this post.]

First of all, Sylvanas had just broken the Helm of Domination. That was a hugely significant thing to do, both for her personally and in the cosmic scheme of things. Her state of mind at that moment had to have been in a turmoil. So if she was a little distracted and tense, I think that’s quite understandable.

Second, I saw other fans being upset that she threatened/wanted to strike him. That’s not how I read it at all. “Sylvanas could strike him, scream and hollow out his soul, but it would not correct the failing.” She’s not saying she wants to do that, just that she could. The instinct to lash out in violence is ingrained in all the undead; death knights have to do it or they go mad. So for her mind to go there in a moment of high emotion seems natural to me. She doesn’t actually attack him or verbally/physically threaten him. People say things like “I could have killed my brother for eating the last slice of cake” or “I could’ve strangled my co-worker when she spoiled the ending of the movie” and it’s not literal.

Third, she doesn’t say “go away, I never want to see you again.” She says “Go where you will, Nathanos, but do not be idle” and “I expect you will return to me with means to prevent [Bwonsamdi’s] meddling.” So essentially she’s saying, “Fine, go home, regroup, come up with Plan B, and if it’s not possible to destroy Bwonsamdi at least concentrate on countering him.” Also note that she still considers the operation to be theirs, not just hers: “This was a blow, but one she felt sure they could overcome.” That tells me she expects to work with him in the future.

Fourth, and granted this is before she learns of his failure, but she’s clearly happy to have him there when he first arrives. “’My champion,’ Sylvanas purred. ‘Your timing could not be better. Tell me of your victory as we take these first steps together.’” She wanted to cross into the Shadowlands with him at her side. Hell, that’s bridal imagery...crossing the threshold together, and all that. The only reason she tells him to go is because his work isn’t done and she still needs him on Azeroth. But she explicitly says “I expect you will return to me.”

Fifth, in the line from her POV about how “the unjust ladder of their lives must be dismantled,” the “they” she’s referring to is all of the denizens of Azeroth, true, but I think there’s also a tinge of bitterness there as she looks back on her own life, and her life with Nathanos. Destiny has not been kind to either of them.

Sixth, she says “My path lies ahead” as she prepares to cross into the Shadowlands. It’s a reminder of the scale of the forces she is trying to manipulate. When faced with the potential fates of all the souls in the universe, her own regrets are insignificant. She can’t stay on Azeroth any longer, even if some part of her does want to just chill out on a beach somewhere with Nathanos and watch his blighthounds chase seagulls. She thinks “It would not be easy, but then, her mission required great sacrifice.” Like leaving him behind.

Even this part can be interpreted different ways: “She heard the note of hope in his voice, fragile as a fledgling dropped from the next.” Putting aside the humor of comparing bird-hating Nathanos to a fledgling, we don’t get a value judgment about the comparison. Sylvanas doesn’t think about him sympathetically, wanting to protect him in a vulnerable moment, but she also doesn’t think, “Geez, what a pathetic weakling.” It goes back to that bit in Warbringers about how she can’t kill hope. And she can’t. Here, again, no matter how bleak things are, no matter how displeased she is at his failure, he still has hope. And she needs that, whether she believes it or not.

When she “flicked her fingers, as if ridding herself of a speck of muck” that can be interpreted as her thinking of him in a derogatory way, but she was also talking about Bwonsamdi in the same breath so I can choose to believe that’s who she was being dismissive of.

I don’t know. I get that some of the language is discouraging. She describes him as having “blubbering lips” and she’s definitely not happy with him. But these two have been through a lot, and their bond has remained strong. I’m sure this isn’t their first fight, or the first time he’s disappointed her. This isn’t the end for them. Just another bump on a very long highway they’ve traveled together.

...

OMG this has turned into a monster of a post, rambling all over the place. I hope it’s coherent enough to follow. I’m just in lore overload at the moment (and enjoying every second.) I know I’m forgetting things I wanted to talk about, too, but I’m going to go ahead and post it as it is.

#shadows rising #shadows rising spoilers #bff princes #sylvanas x nathanos #rambling about wow

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pjbehindthesun · 6 years ago

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Character Profile: Cora

Hey hi hello. When I asked you how you wanted to celebrate the latest reader milestone, you voted to see Cora's character profile in full. Here it is! Or, here it is, current as of chapter 23 (I had to take some stuff out, you know how it is). So if you're not through chapter 23 yet, there may be some undesired spoilers. And if you’re current up through chapter 23, then maybe some mild desired spoilers, who knows. Enjoy!

Name: Cora Lane Shaw

Age: 22 when the story starts. She’ll be 40 when it ends. (I told you guys, we got a whiiiiile yet to go…)

Nationality: American, with mostly Scottish and Irish ancestry.

Socioeconomic level as a child: Very poor early on, but became more solidly middle class once her mother remarried.

Socioeconomic level as an adult: At the start of the story, she’s able to make ends meet, but she’s pretty much living paycheck to paycheck and sharing living expenses with Alex.

Hometown: The general Asheville, NC area is all she’s ever told anyone. She has not told anyone the actual name of her hometown yet. She’s kind of embarrassed by it.

Current residence: At the beginning of the fic, she lives in Seattle WA.

Occupation: PhD student at UW College of Forest Resources, also a part-time waitress at Cyclops cafe. Her career will obviously change over the course of the fic.

Income: She gets a small stipend from working as a teaching assistant in her department, and picks up a little extra money waitressing.

Talents/Skills: Her biggest skill is being extremely book smart. She has decent wilderness skills. She had to learn some basic thriftiness skills like knitting and sewing, although she hates all that stuff. She does like to cook and bake but only because it appeals to her inner scientist. She also plays guitar (badly) and mandolin (worse).

Birth order: Oldest of two.

Siblings (describe relationship): She has one younger brother, Patrick, who she calls Patch and who is four years younger than her. Patch is 18 at the start of the fic. The two are extremely close, although nothing alike, and Cora is very protective of him. But she also relies heavily on his opinion.

Parents (describe relationship): Her biological parents are Shirley and Paul. Paul left when Cora was 8 years old and she has not seen or heard from him since. She has fond (albeit childlike) memories of him, but of course, his departure had a deep impact on her ability to trust people and her view of what commitment means. She has a terrible relationship with her mother, which has more to do with John, the man her mother remarried, than anything else. Whenever she has to go back to North Carolina, she stays with her childhood best friend's parents instead of her own.

Grandparents (describe relationship): She doesn't know her dad's parents or anything about them. Her mom's father died when her mom was very young, and her maternal grandmother is in a nursing home with dementia after having suffered a stroke a few years ago.

Significant others (describe relationship): At the beginning of the fic, she is dating Alex Henderson. Alex is a year older than her but they were the same year in college and met during the first month of freshman year. They used to have a very relaxed, fun-loving, easy relationship in which neither of them expected much from the other. But moving across the country together has exposed some of the fault lines that they hadn't noticed before. They do not share many worldviews or hobbies, and they never developed good communication skills as a couple. Their sex life used to be great but has dwindled to essentially nothing at all. They don't really fight, they just fall into cycles of ignoring/dismissing one another until one of them feels compelled to put more effort into the relationship to keep it going. Alex is the first boyfriend she’s ever had. She will have other relationships as the story progresses.

In a relationship: She throws herself entirely into everything she does, relationships included. Recently, things with Alex have gotten more distant and complicated, but generally, her relationship style is to be very loving and loyal and committed. She tends to develop huge blind spots, and she has terrible communication skills, preferring to hide from uncomfortable truths and lashing out when she’s called on it. But she’s good at using her sense of humor to diffuse bad situations and get things back to normal. Despite a heavy-handed religious upbringing, she enjoys sex and is... not particularly repressed about it.

Height: 5’3 if she stands up straight

Weight: 125 lbs

Race: Caucasian

Eye color: Very dark brown

Hair color: Bright red

Glasses or contact lenses? She wears glasses when she reads sometimes but not routinely.

Skin color: Very pale, very freckled.

Shape of face: Oval

How does she dress? She’s definitely a tomboy. She wears a lot of jeans and grandpa sweaters. (One pair of jeans in particular has a bunch of raggedy holes from a literal acid wash thanks to a lab accident.) She owns three skirts and zero dresses (with the exception of the Day-Glo orange bridesmaid’s dress). Footwear of choice is either Converse or Doc Martens.

Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) She will smoke occasionally but only socially, not as a habit. She does drink a lot of bourbon, like, way too much bourbon. Can be a bit of a pothead, although not as much in grad school.

Health: She’s pretty healthy, but it’s almost by accident. She’s a vegetarian, and she likes to ride her bike more than drive (or she did, before she gave away her bike...), but those habits have to do with her environmental convictions, not being a fitness nut. She does not generally sleep well or take great care of herself outside of those activities, although she does periodically go for a run to clear her head.

Hobbies: Reading, running/biking/hiking/anything that gets her outside, cooking and baking. And sometimes playing guitar. Again, badly.

Speech patterns: She speaks very quickly and moves her hands a lot when she talks. She has a faint NC accent despite having tried hard to shed it. Her favorite swears are religious, like “sweet merciful zombie Jesus.”

Greatest flaw: Perfectionism in the unhealthiest way. This applies to her standards for herself (personally and professionally) as well as a rigidity in how she navigates her life. She also has a short temper.

Best quality: Her idealism drives her to make the world better. Not just in her planned career, but in how she deals with other people as well. She’s not an optimist but she wants to make a difference.

Short-term goals in life: On the immediate horizon, pass her prelim exams, get a fellowship, and publish her first paper from her research. In the initial months of the fic, her other primary short-term goal was to keep her relationship with Alex thriving, although she has become less committed to that idea recently.

Long-term goals in life: Finish her PhD, get a tenure-track job at a research university, and use evidence to impact people's decisions for the greater good. She’s always seen that happening through a career in scientific research. She doesn’t have distinct personal goals like “get married, have kids,” because she prizes her independence and has misgivings about some of those life choices, at least as she understands them right now.

How does she see herself? She second-guesses herself constantly, both personally and professionally. She doesn’t have a very high opinion of her looks, but she doesn’t get bent out of shape about it either. She finds other things to have low self-esteem about, like her foot-in-mouth tendencies or her perfectionism in school or her worry of hurting other people.

What would most embarrass her? She hates it when she puts her foot in her mouth and says something rude to a person she really cares about. She would also be very embarrassed to be seen as vulnerable in any way.

Strengths and weaknesses: Strengths are intelligence, altruism, humor, stubbornness, and generosity. Weaknesses are emotional fragility, stubbornness, short temper, inflexibility, anxiety.

Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert

How does she deal with anger? Her temper flares. She's not good with it at all.

With loss? Not well. She internalizes it and it sometimes causes her to hold on to people she probably shouldn't.

What makes her happy? Being in nature, being with her (very few) loved ones, and scientific discovery.

Rude or polite? Rude for sure.

What motivates her? Fear of failure and loss. Altruism and ideals.

Is she ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Almost always logic, although there are certain circumstances where she can be swept up in a moment.

Does she believe in God? Absolutely not. She was raised Catholic and still carries a lot of Catholic guilt around in her personality, but she’s pretty dismissive of spirituality in general.

Relationships with others:

1. Alex: They start out dating. They met when she was still a very naive 17 year old, and he’s been her whole world ever since. She’s starting to lose patience with him and doubt how truthful he’s being. And of course, she’s keeping a secret from him too.

2. Lucy: Best friend. Lives downstairs. You haven’t heard how they met yet but it’s a good story and you’ll hear it eventually from one of them. Suffice it to say they hit it off immediately.

3. Chris: Chris is the first member of the “Seattle scene” she met, out on their hike in an undisclosed location in the Northern Cascades. They have a deep friendship but they don’t see each other very often due to their respective schedules.

4. Jeff: Neighbors. They formally meet for the first time at the Off Ramp and don't really hit it off right away. He is annoyed by her sense of humor. Gradually he warms up to her as he understands her relationship with Lucy better. But they are always a little at odds.

4. Stone: She meets Stone at the Off Ramp at the same time as Jeff. They form a friendship very quickly, although Stone has feelings for her from the very start. She realizes slowly that she has feelings for him as well. Then... some things happen. It gets complicated, and not complicated.

4. Eddie: It takes a while for Eddie to stop being “that new guy” to anyone, including Cora. But she initially strikes up a conversation with him because she feels bad for how lonely he looks, and they hit it off well. They have a habit of oversharing with one another.

5. Patch: Little brother. Adores him, thinks the world of him, needs his validation for everything she does, is extremely protective of him.

How she is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: Obviously much older, and much more flexible in her ideas.

#holy shit that is a lot of information #good on you if you actually care enough to read all that wow #character profile #cora

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sometimesrosy · 6 years ago

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Dream of Love ch 3: Silly Lovebird

rosymamacita

Read on AO3: Chapter 3

It's just the girls. Drinking their drinks and gossiping. Harper seems to be a bit obsessed with love, but it's her wedding, so she's allowed. And then she turns her attention to Clarke. And Bellamy. And then all the girls do.

Notes:

girl bonding. we never get girl bonding. there are fancy drinks, pedicures, aioli, and discussions of old sweethearts.

Clarke closed the door to her cabana and fell onto her bed. She put a hand to her chest to try to hold on to her racing heart. “Calm down,” she muttered to herself.

Things like this didn’t happen. This couldn’t possibly be real. The boy she’d fallen for in high school when she was young and naive couldn’t POSSIBLY be this gorgeous and hot and as nice as he seemed.

No. That was not the way life worked. Certainly not the way HER life worked. Not since she was a kid. Not since she’d left Arcadia.

Her mother had called her home to California and she’d struggled to get her feet back under her. She just barely managed to keep her grades high enough and scores impressive enough to get into a decent college. And she struggled with her course work, not that anyone could tell. She always did just enough to get the grades. Until…until…until the thing with her girlfriend went south. Until premed was too much. Until her mom got remarried. Until her apartment got condemned for mudslide damage. Until she couldn’t hold on to it all anymore and she just collapsed.

She spent a year, maybe, never leaving the house. She lost contact with everyone back in Arcadia, even her cousin. Definitely Bellamy, because she couldn’t face what a mess she was. But slowly. Slowly, she got her feet back under her.

Nine years after her life fell apart, here she was. A licensed art therapist, with a newly adopted daughter, back in the town where she had been happiest. She had been willing to start all over again. And she hadn’t even had the chance to catch her breath before Harper had made her come to her wedding to reacquaint herself with her old friends. And THEN she’d enlisted her mom, who had paid for flight and hotel, because she wanted Clarke to be better. To be happy. So Clarke had to come.

But with Harper’s pointed hints and matchmaking she had tried not to get herself excited, because that was not how her life worked out, “Did you know Bellamy is single still?” Harper had told her as soon as she had gotten the truck unloaded at her new apartment. “You used to be such good friends. He’s a teacher and one of my best friends and he’ll be at my wedding solo. So you have to come so he doesn’t feel like a loser, because his ex girlfriend is bringing a date and the party is too small for him to hide out in.”

“Are you trying to set me up with Bellamy Blake?” she’d asked, to embarrass her.

“Yes. Yes I am.” Harper was not embarrassed. “I want you to hook up with Bellamy.”

“Harper! Who do you think I am?”

“I think you’re a woman who needs to have a good time. And Bellamy is a great guy. And you like each other.”

“We haven’t seen each other in ten years. I’m sure that’s not going to happen. I’ll make you a deal, though. I’ll come and I’ll hang out with him, but I make no promises.”

Because. Of course.

And then he was there. Right off the plane squinting up at her. The wind ruffling his black hair. The sun glinting off of his skin with a bronze sheen. And that wide bright smile, and Clarke had lost her breath.

She’d stood at the top of the stairs and the want had washed over her. She wanted him. She wanted everything about him. She wanted those amazing arms around her. She wanted his lips on hers. She wanted him to keep smiling at her. She wanted to tell him all about the ten years he hadn’t been there and she wanted him to tell her it would be okay because now he was here.

And because this was an island in the middle of nowhere and the air smelled like flowers and caressed her skin. Because this boy from her past was standing there staring at her and she wanted to get to do her life all over again. Because this was not real life. Because it was a dream. And if not a dream, then dream like. Because of all of that she came up to him and she threw herself into his arms.

She was home.

****

This was the strangest wedding she’d ever been to.

There was absolutely no fuss. It was almost like it wasn’t a wedding at all. There were no designated colors, or seating charts or rehearsals or favors. Harper had a wedding dress, but it was something she’d gotten off the rack, just a simple white slip dress and she had some silver sandals that she said made her feel like a sea goddess, and a necklace made of semi precious stones. But otherwise, Clarke wasn’t actually sure she’d ever been to an event this easy going and…well… relaxing as this.

Harper was completely the opposite of a bridezilla and she just didn’t care about any of it. She didn’t even care about getting married. It was a vacation with her favorite people as far as she was concerned. She was doing it for Monty, who wanted to make them legal and official and all of that. She just shrugged and threw her feet over the edge of the lounge chair on the patio, so Echo could paint her toenails green.

“Green,” she said. “Get it? Green.” Then she laughed hysterically and drank another of those fruity cocktails she’d been sipping on since Clarke had gotten there.

“Yes, baby,” Echo said, rolling her eyes and smirking slightly. “We know you love The Green.”

She sighed. “I do. I’d do anything for him.”

“Even get married to him when you think marriage is an outdated and parochial institution that is inherently misogynistic and materialist in nature?” Raven handed her an egg roll to soak up some of the alcohol.

“Even get married because marriage is a out-dait-ed and… what was the rest of that?”

They all started laughing.

Clarke leaned over and took the fancy drink out of Harper’s hand. “We’d better get you to slow down so you can last all day. We still have the barbecue later tonight, and you do not want to be passed out for that.”

Harper pouted but let her take it. “Hey,” she said, with a hand on Clarke’s arm. “Hey. Love is beautiful, Clarke.”

Clarke smiled fondly at her. She had missed her. “I know. I’m really happy for you and Monty.”

“No,” Harper shook her head and blinked slowly before letting go and leaning back in the lounge chair. Echo grabbed her foot and resumed painting her toes. Emori gave her a bottle of water. “No. I mean Looo-oove.”

“I know, Harper. I can’t wait to see your wedding. I’m really so glad you’ve found love.”

“No, ugh,” she said and took a swig of water. “Tell her Emori. Tell her about how much you love Murphy.”

“Ha ha, Harper. I think you picked the wrong person to extoll the praises of love,” Raven teased. “She wants to kill Murphy all the time.”

Emori sat straight. “No I don’t. I love him. I wish I didn’t love him so much, sometimes. It’s hard because he’s been through a lot and I am stubborn and…”

“And loving him makes it BETter, right Emori?”

Emori sighed and then slumped back and drank her fancy drink. “I wish it didn’t but it does. Sometimes I just want to BE with him because it makes me feel better, even when I’m angry at him.”

Harper waved her hands in the air. “See? I was right. Raven. Tell Clarke how beautiful love is. Tell her how much you love Shaw and he makes your life bet—ter. TELL HER.”

“Uh….” Raven blushed dark. “We’re not there yet, Harper.”

“Liar. You LOVE him. I know you do. I can see it.”

Raven shrugged and looked away. Clarke gave her Harper’s drink. She needed it more. Raven looked at her thankfully and took a big sip. “Oh wow, this is SO good Harper.”

Harper made a sound like she was gagging. “Raven is pretending she’s not in love with her boyfriend. ECHO. ECHO, baby doll, tell Clarke about how awesome it is to love that big hunk of beefcake you’ve got. Woo! Did you see his abs? Hubba hubba.”

Echo merely laughed. “Oh no, you silly love bird. You’re not going to get me. I am not in love with Roan. And I am not going to be in love with Roan. But I like him a whole helluva a lot and he is GREAT in bed. I’m having fun with a good friend and we enjoy our mutual hotness, abs included.” Echo raised her halter top to point out her own.

“Oooh!” Harper reached out a hand to touch. “Nice! Look at mine.” Harper also raised her top to show a truly enviable set of abs. “Everyone show your abs.”

Raven was still sucking on her drink, her face glowing from the love discussion so she was eager to also raise her shirt and show some amazing abs. Emori pulled up a corner of her shirt to show quite the flat tummy too.

Clarke laughed. “Yeah. Okay. I don’t have abs. I can’t compare to you all.”

“I don’t believe you! Let me see. I’m the bride. You have to show me. Bridezilla. Grr. SHOW ME THE ABS.”

Clarke sighed heavily. “Fine. But if you people think I’m going to join your ‘awesome abs workout club’ just because I’m moving to town, you have another thing coming. I think I’ll stay how I am, pleasantly rounded.” She raised her top and caught the waitresses attention. “One of those fruity things please? With the lantern.”

Emori added to Clarke’s order, “And some appetizers. Uhm. Sweet potato fries? And the garlic bread. Our girl here needs some food with her booze.”

But while they were busy ordering, Harper was busy flopping over in her lounge chair again. “Oooh. Pretty. Oh my god.” Harper ran her hands over Clarke’s less than defined stomach. “She’s so soft!” She turned to look at Echo who was struggling to get the enamel on Harper’s toes. “Oh my god. She’s so sexy, with all those curves. Wow. That’s something to grab onto.” Harper clenched her fingers on Clarkes hips.

“Hot mama,” Emori wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke.

“Not to mention that fantastic rack,” Raven said, quite glad to get the attention on someone else. “Clarke has us all beat in the boob department. I don’t think there’s a man and not a few of the women on this island that wasn’t eyeing her cleavage when she came out in that top.”

“Okay. I’m feeling objectified, here,” Clark pulled her shirt back into place and yeah, it definitely showed off her boobs and yeah, she might have worn it on purpose, thinking momentarily of Bellamy, who had gone off with the boys to do something or other, to her mild disappointment.

“Oh would you sit still!” Echo snapped, grabbing Harper’s ankle. “Hey! Harper. Harper!” She snapped her fingers until Harper swerved back around. “Hey, you know what? Clarke thinks she can’t compare to the rest of the girls, but I have it on good authority that she’s the one that is the first choice for some people.”

“RealLLLly?” Harper singsonged, leaning her elbow on the chaise arm. “Do tell us more.”

“Well,” Echo said, her fingers tight on Harper’s ankle, words slow and hands fast with the brush. “You know how Bellamy and I dated for a year?”

Clarke froze.

“Yes! You were in love too. Tell Clarke how beautiful love is. Bellamy is just the best boyfriend, right? I mean, except for my Monty, but Bellamy is Bellamy, you know?”

“Hmmm,” Echo said, finishing the one foot and grabbing the other. “Well, Bellamy is an amazing boyfriend, but I was in love with him, and he loved me, but he wasn’t IN love with me. He couldn’t be.”

“He couldn’t?” Harper asked, eyes blinking. “Why not?” Clarke blessed her cousin for being drunk and asking prying questions.

“Because he fell in love with someone a long time ago who no one else could ever compare to.”

“He did? Who?”

Echo painted her last toe and then reached for the first foot. Coat number two. “Well who do you think, silly love bird?” Without even looking up, Echo nodded her head toward Clarke. “Her.”

Harper gasped and tried to turn towards Clarke but Echo’s hold was firm. The girl was strong. Harper settled for reaching out with one hand and grabbing her thigh. “Ooh. She’s so juicy. God. Has Bellamy ever grabbed this thigh? That might do it.”

“No!” Clarke said, but Harper was already turning back to Echo.

“Tell us MORE!”

“If you sit still and let me finish both feet.”

Harper nodded eagerly up at Echo. “What happened?”

“Well, I don’t know what happened back then with them, but it took me a while to figure it out. Months really, as I fell for him and he was so kind and sweet and did everything right, and still… there was always something holding him back. I even asked him if there was someone else who he was in love with, and he said no, there was no one else just me. I knew he wasn’t lying, and yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that even when he said he loved me, there was still someone he loved best. And one night, he confessed that he had been in love once before, but she’d left a long long time ago and it was something that could never be. And that’s when I knew. He was still in love with the girl he had lost.”

“Was that what ended things between you two?” Emori asked, as if she’d always wanted to know.

Echo shook her head. “He was committed to me and I was in love with him, and he treated me so well and we had so much fun together, so I stuck it out, thinking he would fall for me, too.”

“He didn’t, did he?” Raven asked, her smile crooked.

“Nope. And I don’t know, stepping back that distance, knowing that he loved someone more, even someone who he’d never see again, it kind of made me fall a little bit OUT of love with him? Like, it wasn’t enough anymore. And then I started wondering if it was just his face and the way he cares for everyone and how smart and passionate… and how much I thought he SHOULD be the man I was in love with and maybe I just really LIKED him? And I really WANTED to be in love.” She sighed and shook her head. “I still love him. He’s the best guy in the world, but he’s not my guy and we don’t actually fit together right. He’s an idealist, and I’m… not. But I didn’t put two and two together until we met Bellamy at the airport and I saw the way he couldn’t stop looking at Clarke, except for when he was trying not to look at her. And how she ran into his arms to hug him and then she wouldn’t let him go.”

Harper gasped. “She did! Oh how romantic.”

Clarke remembered. She had wanted to never let him go.

“She totally did. And he didn’t want to let go, either. After months of trying to find signs of love in Bellamy, I finally found them. Right here. She’s the woman he’s been in love with for ten years. She’s the one he compares all the others to.” She dropped Harper’s ankle. “DONE! Now don’t run around and mess those up!”

“But wait!” Harper said. “Now you don’t have love…” her eyes started to brim with tears. “You don’t love Bellamy and you don’t love Roan…”

“It’s okay silly love bird,” she wrapped an arm around Harper and drew her in. “We’re in the same place and that place is a great place to be. I’m not going to fall in love again unless it’s right. I think with Bellamy I was just in love with the idea of love. It’s not like you and Monty. You two are a natural pair. Soulmates.”

“Soulmates.” Harper nodded, wiping the tears away and smiling again. “Just like Clarke and Bellamy.”

“W-wait,” Clarke stuttered, still reeling. “We’re not soulmates. I haven’t seen him in ten years.”

“When you’re soulmates it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been apart. You will always fall back together. Oooh! Garlic Bread!”

The waitress came and set the appetizers and Clarke’s drink down on the table. Clarke grabbed it and sucked down a good half of it. Everyone ate and checked out Harper’s toes and she thought that was the last of it, thank god, because she could not get her heart to calm down.

“So you’re in love with Bellamy.” Harper pointed a sweet potato fry at Clarke. The aioli dripped off and splatted on the table. Clarke took a napkin and wiped it up, avoiding her eyes.

“I haven’t seen him in ten years.”

“Mm. Yeah. You said that already. But he’s in love with you.” Raven was a lot less drunk than Harper. She was laser focused on Clarke. Shit.

She folded the napkin and wiped the table again, shaking her head. “We were just friends. It was high school. I only knew him for a year before my mom called me home anyway.”

Emori grinned and stuck a sweet potato fry in her mouth. “You didn’t say you didn’t love him.”

Clarke gaped. Then she blinked. Then she sucked on her drink.

“I remember you in high school, Clarke.” Raven was shaking her head, not buying it. “You and Bellamy were friends, but you were never ‘just’ friends. The two of you were something else, always arguing but always the first person to defend the other. You were inseparable. Wait. Did something happen between you?”

Clarke felt the heat rise in her chest, up her neck and into her face. She took a drink.

“Oh my god, you’re blushing. Did something happen?”

Clarke swallowed. “We kissed. Once. When he came to say good bye to me, before I left for the airport. I cried the whole flight. My heart was broken.”

“You KISSED Bellamy? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Harper asked, clutching her hand to her heart.

“Because it was just once, and I never talked to him again.”

“But WHY, Clarke. Why didn’t you talk to him?”

“Because it hurt too much? Because I was a wreck? Because I figured I was being… I don’t know. Silly.”

Echo shook her head sadly. “I don’t think you were alone in that.”

Clarke opened her mouth but was unable to speak.

“You were in love with him,” Harper said, wide eyed.

“And he was in love with you.” Emori held onto Harper’s hand.

Raven leaned forward and pointed a sharp finger at her. “And you both still are.”

#bellarke #bellarke fanfic #i suck at posting these things for you #dream of love #i have another chapter to post tonight so stay tuned

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asleepinawell · 7 years ago

Text

Upwards Spiral

(AN: the ‘what would change if carter had lived’ question is one i’ve shied away from writing a fic about because carter is such a pivotal character that having her live would require a full rewrite and…i’ve already done one of those. so that’s not exactly what this is. @winged-mammal left it up to me if i wrote it in the canon universe or in the universe of my fic sliding towards chaos, and in the end i chose the latter. and i cheated. because i didn’t change everything, i just placed carter into the existing events. that was the only way to keep this from being another 300k words which noooOOoooOo.

like most prompts i write for chaos au i tried to keep things easy to pick up on for anyone who hasn’t read it, but this one might be a little tougher in that regard. because it’s a bit long for tumblr (7k words), i’ll be posting it to ao3 in the next day or two for easier reading. anyway, enjoy).

Shaw couldn’t remember ever having been in a social situation where she’d wished Reese was present, but, sitting in her chair at the all-night diner halfway between Root and Carter, she spared a moment to send some uncharitable thoughts in Reese’s direction for his absence.

Root was smiling, at least, but on her a smile was just as likely to mean that she was enthusiastically contemplating multiple homicides than that she was being friendly.

Carter, for her part, was coolly assessing Root over the top of her coffee mug.

No one had said anything for the full fifteen minutes they’d been there and Shaw was starting to wonder if she could slip away unnoticed and swing by later to mop up the remains.

“So, here we are,” Carter finally said, pulling Shaw’s attention away from her inspection of her water glass.

When Carter didn’t immediately add anything to her initial thought, Root widened her smile in what was an unmistakably patronizing manner.

Shaw kicked her in the shin hard enough that Root let out a strangled whimper through clenched teeth.

Carter’s eyes flicked back and forth between them and, for a split second, Shaw wondered if she could somehow figure out everything from just watching them. The taser incidents, the almost-torture, the time in the CIA safe-house, the multiple times in Finch’s safe-house, the time in the backseat of a very expensive car they’d borrowed, the time on the desk in the library…the list went on. There wasn’t any way that Carter could know about that stuff no matter how good a detective she was, but still.

“Pretty sure this is the same woman I helped John track down a while back after she kidnapped Finch. Called herself Root, if I remember correctly.”

Root straightened up from rubbing at her bruised shin. “I can see why you’re a detective.”

She actually yelped this time when Shaw kicked her.

Carter didn’t look impressed with either of them. She turned to stare down Shaw.

“How about you tell me what’s going on here before I arrest her, or you accidentally break her leg? I thought you were going to let me in on how you lot always know about crimes before they happen. You’re not going to try and convince me that’s her doing, I hope.”

“That’s…complicated.” Shaw wasn’t completely sure where to begin. Root did work for the Machine now, so Carter’s skeptical theory wasn’t completely off base.

“Uh-huh, well what’s not complicated is that she murdered a woman named Alicia Corwin. So how about you give me a good reason not to arrest her right here?”

“Oh, right. I forgot about her.” Root gave a dreamy little smile. “Fun times back in the bad old days.”

Shaw made a mental note to wear steel-toed boots next time.

“She saved your life,” she quickly interjected. “From Simmons that night.”

Carter frowned. “No, you did. Showed up out of nowhere and shot the bastard.”

“Only reason I knew to be there was because of her.”

Root tilted her head to one side and shrugged minutely, and yeah, okay, that wasn’t quite the whole story, but this had to be explained in parts and Shaw needed both of them to ease up a bit.

“She’s another computer genius like Finch.” Carter tapped a finger on the side of her mug. “Always figured he’d made some kind of illegal surveillance program to tap into the city’s camera feeds or something. Only thing that made sense. She take it over after he went missing?”

Shaw was impressed, though not too surprised. Carter had always been really damned sharp. She was wasted on the NYPD.

And Root was looking over Carter like she was readjusting her evaluation of her.

“It’s not exactly a program.” Shaw wasn’t sure how she of all people had ended up in the position of explaining this to Carter, but Finch had vanished at the bank that day and Reese was too busy chasing after dead-end leads to be useful for anything right now. “It’s-” She glanced at Root. “-an Artificial Intelligence.”

Carter put her mug down on the table with a thud. “An Artific…you mean whatever this surveillance thing is, it’s alive?”

Shaw raised her eyebrows meaningfully at Root. This was her territory.

“She’s very much alive.” Root looked more serious now and Shaw suspected that this was the part of the conversation where Root would actually make up her mind about Carter. And possibly vis versa.

“She, huh.” Carter thought that over. “And this Artificial Intelligence, what exactly can it, or she, do?”

“Not very much on Her own. Mostly She watches and listens. She still relies almost completely on Her human agents to get things done.”

“And John and Finch and you two are these human agents?”

“Yes, though my relationship with Her is a bit…different.”

Shaw wondered if Root would ever get tired of saying that with a little smirk and suggestive eyebrow raise.

“Root works directly for the Machine, and not with the rest of us so much.” Though that was starting to change.

“The Machine? Is that its name?” Carter shook her head. “Let me guess, Finch chose the name.”

“I think it would be more accurate to say Finch chose not to name Her.”

“Anyway,” Shaw interrupted before Root had a chance to go off on a tangent, “the Machine told Root you were in trouble, and Root told me.”

There was a good bit more to it than that of course. She’d stopped by the library to drop Bear off that night and, on a whim, had decided to check in on Root. She’d been avoiding her since Finch had locked her up, but it had gotten beyond the point of being ridiculous to keep her in there and she’d decided to assess the situation on her own.

“Well, this is a nice surprise.” Root looked up from the book she had spread open in her lap. “Conjugal visit?”

Shaw thought about turning back around and leaving, but that would have felt a lot like letting Root win a point in whatever game it was they were playing.

Root shut her book with a snap. “Or are you here because the boys are still in trouble?”

“And how would you know about that?” Shaw asked, stepping up to the gate of the cage. “Thought this thing Finch had us rig up was supposed to put you in a no-service zone.”

Root only smiled.

“Trouble seems to have died down for now, though there’s still a couple loose ends that need tying up.” Shaw kept feeling like they’d missed something, though she couldn’t put her finger on what.

“Well, I’m really good at tying things up, if you need a hand.”

Shaw rolled her eyes. This had definitely been a mistake. She started to turn away from the cage.

“Shaw, wait.”

Root sounded serious enough that she paused and looked back.

Root got up and drifted across the floor to the cage door. “Did you find Simmons yet? She was concerned about him in particular.”

“Not yet, but not much he can do with HR completely gutted. We got Quinn.”

“I think She was more worried about Simmons personally than about his influence within HR. He’s a real piece of work apparently.” Root hooked her fingers through the cage fence. “If you let me out and give me a phone for five minutes, I can find out if there’s anything to worry about still.”

“Let you out? Yeah, not happening.”

“You’re armed and much better at, ah, hand to hand, as we found out. How much of a threat can I possibly pose?”

She wasn’t technically wrong, but Shaw also knew that a lot of the danger Root presented didn’t come from physical violence. But….

“My phone do?”

Root’s eyes widened like she couldn’t believe Shaw was actually agreeing and she nodded.

Shaw took her gun out before she picked the lock on the door. She kept her gun pointed at Root as she handed the phone over and took a step or two back just to play it safe. Root couldn’t actually leave the cage with the ankle monitor Finch had put on her, so she stood in the doorway, Shaw’s phone clutched in her hands like it was some priceless treasure.

The phone rang almost at once and Root’s entire face lit up as she quickly answered it.

“I can hear you.”

There was something so desperately grateful in Root’s voice that Shaw felt like she was intruding.

The smile fell off of Root’s face. “I understand. I’ll tell her.” She lowered the phone and then handed it back to Shaw. “There’s an address in your phone. You have to go there. Now.”

“Why do I…”

“No time, Shaw. Lives are at stake.” Root took a step back and pulled the cage door shut herself. “Lock me back in and go.”

“Why not insist on coming with me?” Shaw asked as she clicked the lock back into place.

“Because you don’t trust me yet and that’ll slow you down. There’s no time for that. Now go.”

And Shaw went.

She still wondered if she should have left the cage unlocked, let Root escape. Even after she’d explained Root’s part in saving Reese and Carter, Finch hadn’t been willing to let her out.

Maybe that was part of why she hadn’t thought twice about going back to rescue Root from Hersh and Control.

Part of it, anyway.

Carter was trying to put all the pieces together. “Why didn’t this…machine…warn you the way…” She paused. “Okay, is this AI a she or an it?” She directed the last part towards Shaw.

“Hell if I know. Only talks to her.”

Carter’s exasperated look made her realize she’d probably only confused the question more. She shrugged helplessly. Fancy computer gender was above her pay-grade. Or had been. With Finch missing, all sorts of things that hadn’t been her problem before were now giving her a headache.

Carter gave up. “Why didn’t the Machine warn you the way she usually does?”

“She tried.” Root was more relaxed now, and almost looked like she was enjoying herself. “But nobody was picking up the call.”

“Call? What call?”

Shaw raised her hand to flag down the waiter. She had a feeling they were going to be here a while.

“Your turn to babysit me, is it?” Root flopped down on the couch in the safe-house still wrapped in her towel from the shower.

“If I had my way, you’d be in protective custody. Or better yet, regular police custody.” Carter didn’t look up from whatever she was doing on her phone. “Shaw didn’t want the police officially involved, which, considering your record, I guess isn’t surprising. But I’m not a babysitter. You want to run out there, I’m not going to be the one to stop you.”

“Unfortunately, I’m not going anywhere at the moment.”

Carter nodded and didn’t say anything else until Root had mostly tuned out the physical room, drifting away into Her whispers. She still wasn’t overly concerned with the supposed threat against her, but the Machine had asked her to stay in the safe-house for now and she’d stay for Her even if she didn’t think it was necessary.

“Why aren’t you going anywhere?”

Carter’s voice pulled her back to reality.

“Hour ago you were ready to take off without a care in the world.”

“The Machine didn’t want me to.”

“You always listen to her?”

“Yes.”

“And why’s that?”

Root cocked her head to one side. “Why all the questions? Thought you didn’t much like me.”

“I don’t. You’re a killer and a threat, but Shaw thinks you’re valuable for some reason and this AI you answer to seems to be using you to help people. Even if she is the only thing holding you in check.”

“And you want to know why I listen to Her because you’re worried one day I’ll stop and go back to my wicked ways?”

Carter shrugged. “Sounds about right. I don’t have any reason to trust you other than Shaw’s word, and I’m not quite sure why she trusts you.”

That was a topic Root definitely wanted to steer clear of, though the amount of weight Carter put on Shaw’s word pleased her.

“The Machine offered me a job.”

“A job that has you getting tortured and shot. Because you don’t strike me as the type to walk into gunfire for some stranger all on your own. Which means she must have told you to.”

The wound from the bullet Root had taken saving Cyrus Wells’s life the day before ached. Carter hadn’t been there, but John or Shaw must have filled her in on how she’d gotten hurt.

As for why she’d done it…that was still a bit baffling to her. Maybe she’d hoped it would give her some understanding of why the Machine thought people were worth saving, or maybe she just hadn’t wanted to disappoint Her.

Or maybe she hadn’t much liked feeling responsible for how Cyrus Wells had been unable to do anything but watch as someone close to him was taken away, a scenario that was not at all unfamiliar to her.

She glanced up to find Carter watching her a little too closely for comfort and quickly continued.

“I don’t mind a little risk. I work for Her because She chose me and She cares about me.” She fidgeted with the edge of her towel with one hand. “The truth is I played a very small role in saving your life, and only because She asked me to. She’s the real reason you’re alive. She cares about all of us, including you.”

Carter looked surprised; clearly not the answer she’d expected. “Well, tell her thank you from me then.” She sounded sincere. “And thank you as well, whatever your reasons.”

Root looked down at her feet. She hadn’t figured out yet how to handle Carter’s straightforwardness. She decided to counter it in kind. “You found Hanna, made sure she got a proper burial. I thanked John for that, but I never got a chance to thank you.”

“Just doing my job. That little girl and her family deserved to be at peace.”

Root’s fingers tightened their clutch on the edge of her towel. She’d brought it up, but she didn’t actually want to discuss it.

She stood up. “I left something in the other room.”

The door swung open then, and Root breathed out a sigh of relief as Shaw came in.

“I hate winter in this city.” Her nose was red from the cold.

Root smiled at her and felt herself relax fractionally. “Did you get me something nice?”

“They’re just normal clothes.” Shaw thrust the bags at her. “Go get dressed.”

“Might need a hand with that.” Root motioned at her injured arm.

Shaw froze for half a second. “Uh, right. Guess it might be difficult for you right now.”

Root saw Carter watching them, cataloguing everything they said and did. It was a bit annoying having a competent detective around all the time.

“I don’t have all day.” Shaw stalked past her towards the bedroom. “You coming?”

Root turned away from Carter’s scrutiny to follow Shaw to the privacy of the bedroom.

“We’re clear for this hall.” Shaw kicked the gun away from the unconscious Vigilance agent. If she got shot rescuing Root after she’d gotten her dumb ass kidnapped she was never speaking to her.

“Good thing we made John leave his grenade launcher in the car,” Carter said. “He’d have had this whole place on high alert shooting that thing all over.”

“He brings it everywhere now. Think he’s still upset about that time I borrowed it for you.” The look on his face had been so incredibly satisfying. Shaw wondered if the Machine had that on tape. And speaking of the Machine…. “She says it’s this way.”

“So what’s it like having the Machine talking directly to you?” Carter asked. She was covering the hallway behind them, just in case.

“Dunno. Bit weird. Useful.” It had been great for allowing her to speed out on the highway.

“Didn’t think she’d ever talk to anyone but Root.”

They set off down the hall together, falling into a natural pattern of covering each other as they moved around corners. Shaw hadn’t gotten out in the field with Carter that much recently and it was damn good to work with her again.

“Special circumstances. She’s worried about Root.”

“You’re worried about her, too.” Carter sounded amused.

“She’s part of the team. Sort of. She would be if she weren’t so bad at team work.”

“Case in point,” Carter agreed. “And how long have you two been…?”

“What?” Shaw asked, hoping that someone would show up for her to shoot right then. “How long have we been what?”

“By my guess there was something already going on before we took down HR, but I’ve got no way of checking that.”

“There’s nothing going on.”

The look on Carter’s face spoke volumes.

Shaw scowled. “We’re just…it’s not a thing, okay?” She thought guiltily about her new couch. “Definitely not.”

“Uh-huh. That why you broke the sound barrier getting here to rescue her?”

“I’d have done that for anyone on my team.” Which was completely true even though it didn’t explain why this had felt slightly different than if it had been John in trouble. “Why did you show up? You don’t even like her.”

“I don’t like everyone whose life I save. Goes with the job. I wouldn’t say I hate her either. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“Hope this means no speech about watching my back then.”

They had to pause the conversation to knee-cap two more Vigilance agents.

“You’re an adult. Don’t need me butting into your personal life.”

“You brought it up.”

“I’m a detective. Can’t turn that off.”

The Machine let Shaw know that there was a good chance Root was behind the door up ahead.

“Root’s…important. Uh, to our work, I mean. Analogue Interface and all.”

Thankfully, Carter let it drop, though she did look amused when Root smacked Shaw in the head with the door a few seconds later. And she definitely looked smug when Root basically hung all over Shaw on the way out and Shaw let her.

At least she didn’t know about the couch.

“Shaw?”

There was no mistaking her even with most of her hair hidden under a beanie, but she was about that last person Carter had expected to wander by right now.

Shaw looked equally confused as she came over to the parked car Carter was sitting in.

“So I know why I’m freezing my ass off out here, but why are you?” Shaw asked.

Carter motioned for her to get in and turned the heat up a little. Shaw climbed into the passenger’s seat and held her hands in front of one of the vents.

“I should steal a badge someday,” she said. “Would make it easier to park closer to stakeouts.”

“Why don’t you just borrow one of Root’s? She seems to have quite a collection.” She couldn’t keep the note of disapproval from her voice. Root had no respect for what any of those badges were meant to represent. They were another game of dress up for her.

“I don’t borrow things from Root.”

Carter raised an eyebrow at the immediate defensiveness in Shaw’s voice. Did she really think she and Root were fooling anyone?

“What’s this stakeout you’re on then?” It was more than a little suspicious that they were both keeping watch outside the same building.

“The Machine had some mission for Root. Thought she might need backup.”

“Root’s in that building?”

“Yeah, why?” Shaw narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“John went in there ten minutes ago. Off to help some number. Told me he could handle it. I figured I’d give him another five minutes before I went in and bailed him out of whatever mess he got himself into.” She couldn’t remember a single occasion where John had correctly claimed he didn’t need backup.

“I didn’t know we had a number.” Shaw frowned. “What the hell is he playing at? What the hell are both of them playing at?”

Carter unbuckled her seatbelt. “Only one way to find out.”

The building appeared empty, but the elevator dinged and the doors opened as they entered the lobby. They exchanged a look and went to investigate. A floor number lit up as they got in and Shaw huffed a little and shook her head.

“If the Machine wanted us to keep them out of trouble, she shouldn’t have sent them off on their own in the first place.”

“I don’t think even an AI can keep those two out of trouble.” It seemed unfair to compare John to Root, but, in some matters at least, the comparison worked too well to ignore.

Carter wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to see when the elevator doors opened on the fifth floor, but it definitely wasn’t the scene unfolding before her.

The first thing she noticed was that the ceiling sprinkler system was on, water spraying everywhere. One of the ceiling lights in the big room was flickering and spitting sparks out while a very unconscious man dangled from it by a wire tied around his foot.

There were several other bodies in the room, and one or two men clutching their knee and groaning in pain. Sitting on a desk in the middle of the chaos was Root, kicking her feet back and forth, and tapping a taser against her leg. There was a man tied up and twitching in a chair in front of her who appeared to be wearing the remains of a clown costume.

Right before Carter recovered enough to say something, John Reese splashed into the back of the room holding what was almost definitely a small, angry pekingese dog under his arm.

“Root! I caught it!” He sounded so proud of himself.

“I knew you were useful for something. Now let’s see if this will make him talk.”

The elevator door started to close on its own as Reese triumphantly carried the struggling bundle of fur over towards the desk. Neither Carter nor Shaw moved.

As the doors closed (cutting off some angry yipping noises), Shaw reached out to stab the lobby button several times with one finger.

They stayed silent as the elevator descended and both headed out of the lobby and towards Carter’s car.

“You know, there’s a new restaurant around the corner,” Carter said. “Hear it’s supposed to be pretty decent.”

“I could eat.”

They veered away from the car and started down the street.

Carter was pretty certain they were on the same page here, but some things were worth confirming. “Just to be absolutely clear, we’re never mentioning any of that. Ever.”

“No arguments here.” Shaw made a pained noise. “I’m trying to forget it ever happened.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start on the arrest report.”

Shaw muttered something angrily under her breath that was undoubtedly about Root. “This place we’re going to, does it have drinks?”

“It better.”

“You drew the short straw for babysitting duty again, I see,” Root said as she led Carter towards the safe-house where her team was staying. She had both hands wrapped tightly around a takeout cup of coffee that Shaw had brought her earlier for no particular reason. It wasn’t great coffee, but there was no way she was going to throw it out.

“I’m here to meet this little team of yours I’ve heard almost nothing about. Nothing else.”

“I’m not going to hand myself over to Decima in the next hour. So if you have somewhere you’d rather be…” She still got edgy with Carter hanging over her shoulder. Fusco was easy to befuddle and deflect, but Carter was trickier.

“You were ready to before. Shaw must have been pretty convincing to talk you down.”

“Convincing…” Root thought about Shaw showing up in the library the previous day, and how she’d woken up in her bed this morning. “Yes, she can be very convincing when she puts her mind to it.”

Carter snorted somewhat inelegantly and Root wondered again how much Carter knew about her and Shaw. Even the worst detective would have been able to guess they were sleeping together. But the other stuff….

“Why were you so eager to turn yourself over in the first place? Didn’t think you even knew Finch that well and he locked you up twice.”

Root could still remember the conversation where Carter had found out about that. She might not agree with Carter on most things, but Carter’s complete disgust with how her double incarceration had fallen out had been gratifying.

“We have jails for a reason,” Carter had snapped when Reese had made a weak effort to explain (it hadn’t sounded like his heart was really in it). “There’s a word for people who keep other people locked up in cages in their house. Or secret base or whatever. A couple words, actually, and none of them are good. Criminals go to jail.”

Root hadn’t enjoyed all the insistence about going to jail, but still. A bit gratifying.

“She wants Harold back. And even if we had our differences, I don’t want Decima to have him.”

“Anything you wouldn’t do for the Machine if she asked?”

The Machine hadn’t asked her to turn herself over (had in fact been very firmly against the idea), but she didn’t want to get into that right now.

“Doing what She asks is my entire life.”

“Your entire life. Right.” Carter sounded like she didn’t buy it.

Yeah, she definitely knew about her and Shaw.

“Hanging out with vigilantes isn’t exactly what I pictured you doing,” Root said to change the subject. “Detective law and order. Why not arrest all of us?”

“John and Shaw help save lives, even if I don’t always like the way they do it. They’re not the criminals who I joined the force to protect people from.”

“No, that would be me, right?” Root smiled sweetly.

Carter looked sideways at her for a minute. “You keep pointing out how bad you used to be every time you get a chance. Rubbing it in my face. Almost like it’d bother you if I thought you’d changed even a little.”

Root choked on her coffee. That was completely untrue and unfair. She opened her mouth to tell Carter how ridiculous it was and then paused when the Machine played a single note in her ear.

She had a running bet with Her that she could get through an entire day without lying to another person. It was past noon today (which made this her new record), and she really didn’t want to blow it. She sulked quietly instead.

Carter rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Shaw wondered if she ignored the pounding on her door if whomever was out there would go away. She turned the volume up on the tv and settled back on the couch in her new apartment.

There were a lot of things to get used to in the new life hiding from Samaritan had forced her into, but the plush new apartment wasn’t that bad comparatively.

The pounding on her door got louder.

“Shaw, I know you’re in there!”

Shaw sighed but got up. If it had been anyone but Carter she’d probably have kept ignoring them.

She opened the door a crack and looked back and forth between the two people standing in her hallway.

“Yeah, no.” She tried to shut the door again, but Carter had stuck her foot in the way. Shaw sighed. “Okay, what did she do this time?”

Next to Carter, Root grinned. “Hey, Sameen.” She looked way too cheerful for someone who had a bandage around their arm that was soaked through with blood in a few places.

“You got shot again?”

“Stabbed this time. But only a tiny bit.”

“And arrested,” Carter added as if that were worse.

Root raised her cuffed hands and wiggled her fingers at Shaw. Carter shoved her hands back down. “Shaw, can’t you keep her on a leash or something?”

“How is she my responsibility?” Shaw asked as quickly as she could to preempt whatever horrifying innuendo Root was undoubtedly concocting about the leash thing.

Carter just looked at her.

“Could say the same to you about Reese then,” Shaw grumbled.

Carter glared and gave Root a shove towards her. “Maybe you can ground her for a week.”

Shaw opened the door a little more to let Root in because they all knew she was going to so might as well go with it.

“You want a beer or something?” she asked Carter.

“I’m on my way home. Raincheck?”

“You know where to find me.”

“What about these?” Root held up her cuffed hands again.

“Since you spent the entire ride telling me how you had all sorts of handcuffs and keys stashed here, I figure those won’t be a problem.”

Shaw shut her eyes for a moment, hoping that when she opened them again she’d find that she’d imagined this whole thing. No such luck.

“Well, I’ll leave you to deal with her.” Carter waved goodnight and left down the hall.

“Do I even wanna know what happened?” Shaw asked as she headed for where she kept her medical supplies.

Root considered the question. “Probably not.”

“Sit.” Shaw motioned her towards the couch and went to work cutting off the useless bandage. “And if you promise me you’ll go at least a month without getting shot or stabbed I’ll think about taking the cuffs off.”

“Think I’m going to take a nap.” Reese looked beyond exhausted. Understandably so. Carter had missed out on all the post-stock exchange excitement, but she didn’t think he’d gotten to sleep at all since they’d escaped the basement with Shaw half-dead in Root’s arms.

Shaw was stable now, but from the little Reese had told her, Root had caused some…problems. When she’d picked them up out in Brooklyn, Reese had looked asleep on his feet and Root was out cold. He’d had to drug her apparently.

Carter wasn’t sure what Root had been trying to do, but knowing Root probably some extreme reaction to Shaw getting hurt that would have ended up with her (and a lot of other people) dead.

“You sticking around?” Reese asked.

“For a bit maybe.” She didn’t feel right leaving after everything that had gone down.

“Thanks.” Reese nodded tiredly and staggered off down the hall towards the free bedroom.

Carter waited until his door shut and then went back to the door of the bedroom Shaw and Root were in. She listened at the door for a second and then opened it just a crack.

Shaw was still unconscious in the hospital bed they’d stolen for her, and while she was obviously badly injured and drugged, she looked a lot better than she had a few hours ago. Seeing her breathing steadily made the knot of tension inside Carter loosen a little.

Root was similarly passed out on the real bed, one wrist cuffed to the headboard. Her clothes were covered in dried blood (Shaw’s most likely), and Carter wondered if she should try and at least cut her shirt off so she didn’t wake up like that. In the end she decided against it, not wanting to risk disturbing either of them.

She shut the door again and turned around to contemplate the door to the last bedroom. It was probably a bad idea, but…. She made up her mind and went in, immediately cold in the temperature-controlled server room Root had built there.

She faced the monitor setup on the desk.

“Not quite sure how this works, but I figure you’ll answer if you want to.”

The screen stayed dark for a few long, cold seconds, but then a cursor started blinking in the top left corner.

“Hello?” Shaw’s vague description of talking to the Machine hadn’t given Carter much insight into what to expect.

Hello.

It was only a single word, but Carter felt a small thrill run through her. She’d been hearing about the Machine for so long now, basically working side by side with her without ever meeting her. That had just changed.

She wasn’t quite sure what to say next, or even why she’d come in here.

Thank you for helping the others.

“Not sure I helped enough. Seems like I’m the only one still on my feet.”

I am not sure I helped enough either.

Definitely not what Carter had expected from her.

“They’re all alive. That’s what matters.”

Sameen Shaw was hurt very badly. As was Root. I could not protect either of them.

“Root was hurt?” She’d assumed the blood all over her had been Shaw’s, but surely John wouldn’t have let her injuries go untreated.

In a different way.

Carter thought back to what John had said while they were driving out of Brooklyn with Root unconscious in the back seat.

“It’s easy to get lost when someone important is taken from you. This was a pretty close call.”

She’d thought about that picture she still had of Reese and Jessica. Someday she hoped he’d tell her about that on his own.

She snapped back to the present when more words crawled across the screen.

I am not certain how best to help them. Perhaps it would be better if I let them be.

“Can’t imagine Root would be okay with that.”

She did not want to talk to me earlier.

Nothing in her life had given Carter any kind of reference for how to deal with a worried AI, but she knew how to reassure a human.

“We all had a long day, and no one has been thinking too clearly. Let’s see where things stand after we’ve all gotten some sleep.” She thought about Root’s face on their way out of the stock exchange, and later at the doctor’s. “Like you said, she got hurt, but she’s going to need you to help her get better.”

She was a bit surprised at how worried she was herself about Root. Shaw had been her friend since the start, but Root was a different matter. But something about how fiercely and openly Root cared about Shaw and the Machine (and lately John as well) made it hard to uniformly dislike her now.

How? I want to help both of them, but I am uncertain I have the means.

“Well, Shaw you’ve already helped a lot. Getting us to that doctor saved her life. And Root.… I think you know her better than I do. Maybe you and Shaw can talk about it.”

That is a very good strategy. Thank you.

The screen blanked out and new text appeared.

You came in to ask me something?

“I think I came in to ask if there was anything I could do to help.” She chuckled. “Turns out neither of us has all the answers.” But since she was here, she had another question. “This thing you do, helping us save people, is it something you do because you have to, or because you want to?”

I think perhaps it is both.

“Both?”

Your job is also to save people’s lives. Is it not both for you as well?

“Yeah, but I’m not…forced to do it. I could walk away if I wanted to.”

Could you? What are morals if not code?

“Shaw did say you get all philosophical sometimes.” Carter nodded. “I think I get what you’re saying, though. Now I’m going to leave before I freeze to death.”

Goodbye.

Carter paused on her way out. “Oh, and I know I told you through Root way back, but I meant it. Thank you for protecting me and John that night.”

You are welcome.

She left, feeling better than when she’d entered even though she hadn’t gotten an answer to the question she’d gone in with.

When she checked in on Root and Shaw again later, Shaw was still asleep, but Root had somehow gotten out of the handcuffs and curled up next to Shaw on the hospital bed. When the door opened, Root raised her head slightly, eyes furious and full of violence. As soon as she registered that it was Carter in the doorway, she relaxed and put her head back down.

The whole thing was strangely reassuring.

Carter shut the door quietly and left them to rest.

“Don’t touch anything.”

Root resisted the sudden, almost-overwhelming urge to put her hands all over everything in Carter’s car.

“Is this the part where you finally arrest me?” She’d been surprised by Carter’s request that she come along with her today, but Shaw was out of town on a mission with John, and Root had been worrying about her enough that she’d have taken any distraction.

“I seem to recall arresting you several times already, and letting you go every time.”

“True. So why am I here?”

Root couldn’t tell where they were headed, and the Machine hadn’t told her. But She hadn’t told her not to go, either.

“Got a case I’m working on. Thought you could lend me a hand. Make my life easier for once.”

Root turned to look at her, but her face gave away nothing. “Something you need some computer skills for?”

“Not particularly. Just a second set of eyes.”

Why her then? Admittedly the other two were out of town for a few days, but Fusco was still around.

“Guess I thought you might want something to do today with Shaw being away for the first time since…” Carter shrugged. “I can take you back if you want.”

Had the Machine put her up to this? Or had something Root had done finally tipped Carter’s opinion of her?

“No, it’s…I could use something to do.” Spending a day with Carter was much more appealing than it once had been. She chewed her lip and then added, “Thanks.”

“You can thank me by not making me regret this. No traumatizing my witnesses.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior.” Whatever that was. “So what’s this case about?”

“You sure you don’t need any more help tomorrow?” Carter asked.

Shaw sighed. She really wished they could bring Carter with them. “Not sure of that at all, but I do think the chances of us getting spotted early increase if more people go.” They only had one shot at taking down Samaritan.

“Doesn’t feel right letting you two go off into danger with no backup.”

“The Machine will be our backup, which is why you and John have to keep her safe.”

“Well, if you change your mind…”

“Noted. And thanks.” There was one thing, though, a problem she’d been turning over in her mind since Root had told her the code to take down Samaritan was done. “If something happens to me or the Machine, or both of us…” This was awkward.

Carter looked over towards the subway car that Root had retreated into after dinner.

“I’ll keep an eye on her for both of you, but only if you promise you’ll do your damn best to make sure I don’t have to.”

“Not a problem. I don’t have a death wish like those two.” Sometimes it felt like Root and Reese were having a competition to see who could almost die the most.

“On that note, in our situations are flipped, you make sure to keep an eye on John.”

“I’ll lock him in the subway car until he stops being an idiot.” She knew Carter had made arrangements for Taylor already.

Carter chuckled and they lapsed into companionable silence, both worried but maybe a little less worried than they’d been before.

“Feels like we’ve come full circle,” Carter said, looking around the all-night diner.

It was the same one where she’d first met Root and found out about the Machine, but this outing definitely was different. John was there, for starters, and Root had her chair shoved as close to Shaw’s as it would go and kept whispering things to her that made Shaw roll her eyes.

“Guess we have,” Shaw agreed. Next to her Root winced in a way that suggested Shaw had just kicked her under the table (Carter wasn’t sure why she would have, but she was sure she didn’t want to know). Some things hadn’t changed apparently.

“She says it’s actually more like a spiral,” Root said, once she’d recovered. “Back around to the same spot, but at a higher point. An upwards spiral.”

“I thought things usually spiraled downwards.” Reese sipped his coffee and froze in horror. Carter wondered if she should have warned him about all the sugar packets she’d seen Root dump in it (ten by her count).

“Matter of perspective, maybe,” she said. “From Samaritan’s perspective things definitely spiraled downwards.” Not that it had a perspective anymore.

Shaw flicked one of the few remaining sugar packets at Reese, who was still making horrible faces. “Way I see it, we won. It lost. We’re all alive. It’s not. Doesn’t matter if it’s a circle, or a spiral, or a different perspective. Facts are facts, and the facts are on our side.”

“That was surprisingly sentimental of you, Sameen,” Root teased.

Shaw flicked a sugar packet at her this time and Carter held back a smile.

Reese got up to go hunt down some fresh coffee, and Shaw and Root started a friendly bickering match about Shaw’s supposed sentimentality. Carter sat back in her chair with her (hopefully uncontaminated) coffee, glad to be a part of this small, strange group she’d adopted. Or maybe they’d adopted her. Either way, there was no one she’d rather be stuck with.

(AN: no animals were harmed during this fic. the dog got a bit soggy and chewed a hole in reese’s arm as revenge. later he found it a good home.

thank you to @ancillaryjurisprudence for the beta read).

#person of interest #poi prompt #my tumblr fics #mp #poi chaos au #long post #there was...a lot more i wanted to write #maybe someday #i really hope the read more line works correctly in this post or sorry in advance

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theinquisitivej · 7 years ago

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‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ - My Spoiler Filled Thoughts on its Characters

When I watched Star Wars: The Last Jedi a week ago, I came out unsure. I thought one or two of the plot threads were little more than busywork to provide something to do for the characters who were at a loose end. There were one or two things that didn’t quite add up. But I thought the themes were fascinating, the performances top notch, and several moments immediately established themselves as striking and iconic scenes that we would remember for a long time. It was a mixed bag, and I knew that I needed to let this one sit, until the conflict within me felt resolved, in some way.

That was only a week ago, but it feels much longer. I know that Star Wars is simply a collection of films, like any other; they’re just as capable of being flawed, being very good even if it doesn’t reach the heights of being a masterpiece, or, dare I say it, even a little bit of both. But even with that consideration, the film occupied my thoughts. I was always going to think about a new Star Wars film for a long time (case in point, I still have regular conversations about the prequels), but this felt different. Much like The Last Jedi, I was confronted with both familiar ideas and unknown territory. I thought about how this new Star Wars story played with many of the tropes we all know and love, but also challenged and recontextualised them. As I considered the film over the last seven days, I thought more about its themes, and less about the gaps in logic that felt like they technically didn’t make sense. To put it another way, I grew to love the merits of The Last Jedi more and more, while I cared less and less about its weaknesses.

If you are looking for a well-articulated negative take on this film, I’m afraid I can’t give it to you. I have a lot of love for this movie, even though there are a handful of things that bug me about the storytelling logic here or there. A film can have imperfections but still be taken to heart if the individual feels the areas it succeeds in are done with enough sincerity and conviction to back it up, and I feel The Last Jedi has more than enough of it to make it stand out for me. It feels like a worthy instalment in a series that, at its best, can be really darn special. It’s difficult for me to fully understand responding to this film with absolute hatred and disgust, because I honestly do love it that much. But I can sympathise with those feeling uncertain after watching this film, and can see how many people will come out of that feeling let down, or concluding that, after much consideration, the film was a bit weak.

But the responses are never that diplomatic or level-headed, are they? I’ve seen far too many responses that appear to be based on projection or demanding expectations that want instant gratification. If they don’t get that gratification, they get angry, and direct that anger in ways that feel hateful and ugly, rather than constructive or considerate. I don’t mean to say that you, dear reader, are obligated to love, like, dislike, or hate this movie. I especially don’t want to imply that anyone possessing issues with this film resembles the onslaught of shitty people that have come out to spew their bile filled opinions that just so happen to be about a movie. My point is simply that there is plenty of dislike you can turn to if you want that, but I have little of it to offer.

Let’s go through this character by character, shall we? Oh, and spoilers from here on out.

Rey

In a cast of characters that I argue are all richly developed between these first two movies, with each one being brought to life by some wonderful talent, Rey is a strong centre for this new trilogy. Daisy Ridley has the power to sell her character as driven and full of believable determination, but also grounds Rey with a likeable sense of fun and comedic delivery. Her visual design continues to impress, as her costumes seem to somehow blend with her stance to make the way she looks as she composes herself very characteristically distinct, and her three hair buns only make her all the more memorable and easy to pick out if you saw her in a range of character silhouettes.

Even though it was clear that Rey was starting some kind of hero’s journey in Force Awakens, it was difficult to know exactly where she was heading before. Now, the bitter disappointment she’s faced by acknowledging that her parents were nobody has not only made her journey seem clear, but has put her character into a new light. Rey’s strong connection to the force has been criticised as Mary Sue-ish, but I think this is in line with her characterisation. She was left on a barren planet with no one to look to for comfort, and surrounded herself with various totems and treasures that reminded her of the stories she loved so much. To me, this demonstrates a deeper desire to be a part of something greater. She wants to be like Luke, Leia, and Han, and be in a grand narrative where your place in the universe seems so clear. After emotionally reaching out all her life to an unseen world she could never physically touch but always believed in and felt, is it any wonder she’s developed a strong ability to connect with the Force?

But instead of concluding that it was by her own merits that she developed this ability, she considers the possibility of some hidden inheritance, that her unknown parents were important people that passed their gifts on to her. She’s so desperate for a connection, whether it’s to an idealised dream of her mystery parents, the stories she puts so much stock in, or simply anything, that, when she’s confronted with the reality that her past is a full stop leading to nothing, it hurts her. I think Alex Shaw of School of Movies hit the nail on the head in his video when he said that one of the film’s central themes is this simple premise: “get used to disappointment”. Not many mainstream stories explore this idea, because it’s a hard thing to accept. We face it so often in life, and yet when stories end with some feelings of disappointment still remaining, that hits us hard, and we don’t always know how to handle that. This is a powerful and challenging step in Rey’s story. But although she feels disheartened, the mirror reveals that, while she has no parents to look to for comfort, all the power she has comes from her own character, her determination and drive. This is an empowering concept, and I believe that realisation will come later for Rey as she continues along her journey.

Ben / Kylo Ren

Kylo Ren is continuing to surprise me in the best possible way as a complex villain who you can fear, laugh at, care for, and pity all at once. If Rey’s disappointment stems from finally accepting that her parents abandoned her for no grand purpose, then Ben’s disappointment comes from the masters who have failed him in different ways. Snoke recognises his raw potential, but heaps the expectations of the past on Ben’s shoulders, chastising him for not living up to them and wearing a mask, even as he says he expects him to act like Darth Vader. Luke was responsible for protecting Ben when he was young, scared, and confused. Instead of helping him through his anger, Luke let his terror and rejection of Ben’s darker impulses show, and Ben will never feel more betrayed then he did in that moment. As much as he resents Snoke, I suspect he hates Luke more for being the one who pushed him into that situation.

As sad as we feel for Ben not taking his chance to begin making amends and start to heal himself, and as much as he represents the real damage that angry young men can do when they feel hurt, I love that you still have the chance to laugh at Kylo Ren’s behaviour. At each viewing, the audience I was with got a huge laugh out of the look he gave General Hux when he pointlessly repeats Ben’s orders that just says “…dude, what are you doing”, as well as the unblinking compliance of the pilot landing the ship when he understands that the Supreme Leader is having one of his usual tantrums when he slams Hux against the wall. I can’t get enough of his awkwardly intense refusal to put a shirt on when he’s Force Skyping Rey. These are all moments that make you enjoy Ben’s character, even though you understand the tragedy of his journey.

Finn

John Boyega’s energy continues to make Finn and his interaction with the various environments he makes his way through engagingly fun. But after my first viewing, I did wonder what the significance of his storyline was. I couldn’t discern what development he had gone through, and his character didn’t advance the general storyline. He didn’t meet up with Rey, he didn’t reach the master codebreaker, he failed in his mission to disable the tracker onboard the Star Destroyer, and didn’t prevent the battering ram cannon from breaking down the base gates. His best efforts failed to meaningfully affect the progression of events. But, as I keep saying, this film is about failure and disappointment. Finn’s journey being a series of unsuccessful attempts is in keeping with the film’s themes of confronting failure. As Yoda tells Luke, failure is important, most of all, and his words are as applicable to Finn’s story as they are to Luke’s.

But apart from the central theme of failure, what specific development does Finn get that’s unique to him? It’s not blatant, and Finn’s development is oddly subdued for someone so prominent in the film, but I would still say it’s there. Finn has finally decided what he wants to fight for. He starts by trying to escape, meet up with Rey, and run away and abandon this fight, which is exactly what he was trying to do all throughout Force Awakens. At most, Finn’s fight is to do what he can to keep Rey out of harm’s way, which is a slight upgrade from simply looking out for his own survival. But it’s a small, personal fight, and Rose looks down on him for this. When he sees a casino filled with self-made people who have no responsibility to either side of the conflict, Finn sees an ideal place he wants to escape to. It’s only when Rose encourages him to scrutinise his dream that he sees the ugliness hidden beneath it. He gets a taste for doing the right thing by freeing the Fathiers with Rose. Still, his newfound moral compass is brought into question when DJ shows him that the reprehensible casino patrons who sold weapons to the First Order also did so for the Resistance. He’s brought back to an uncertain allegiance when he considers DJ’s stance that the fight between the Resistance and the First Order is a cyclical system that you can opt to stay out of. However, any doubt in his mind is cleared away when he sees DJ betray them in a manner that’s entirely in keeping with the philosophy he shared with Finn earlier. Finn deplores this, deciding that DJ and his outlook are both wrong. His newfound fire is tested and leads to a triumphant declaration that he is indeed “rebel scum”, even being committed enough to the fight to die for it when he charges down the battering ram cannon. There’s a lot of “so what was the point of that?” moments along the path of Finn’s story, and the payoff for his arc isn’t all that grand or explicit to make it immediately obvious whether it was worth it on a first viewing. But I appreciated his development a lot on my second viewing, and don’t mind the sequences on Canto Bight quite as much as a result.

Poe

Turning to Poe, his arc is a little clearer. Leia flat out says she needs him to learn to be a leader and stop dashing into costly battles. Seeing Poe do his thing in spectacular fashion at the start is thrilling, but I love that he is forced to develop once his X-Wing blows up, and he is decisively cut off from just falling on old habits. The dynamic between Poe and Vice Admiral Holdo is also a smart way to confront and challenge Poe’s character, and Laura Dern makes her mark on the Star Wars universe with a character that shows us what impact Leia has had. She’s positively affected not just worlds or governments, but people, and that’s a special thing to see. However, try as I might, I do still find it difficult to understand why they didn’t tell Poe the plan earlier. I appreciate that his actions had placed him outside their immediate circle of trust, but there didn’t seem to be any need for secrecy in their plan. As soon as Poe hears the plan to take the smaller transports down to the salt planet, he completely agrees with it. It’s sensible, has the capacity to work, and its success wasn’t dependent on him or anyone else in the Resistance not knowing the full details. So even though I understand the thematic reasoning for them going the way they did, it doesn’t quite make sense for me, so that’s frustrating.

Still, Poe’s characterisation is solid, and I like the processes he goes through that shows he’s making progress with the example of Holdo and her sacrifice to safeguard the survival of the Resistance. When the opportunity to come to Luke’s aid comes, he thinks it through, and understands the importance of taking this opportunity to escape and survive. At that moment, Leia jokingly says “what are you looking at me for? Follow him!”, and Carrie’s delivery absolutely gets a laugh, but her look of pride afterwards suggests that Leia meant every word. They shouldn’t need her to thrive and carry on, and finding someone to prove that in Poe makes her proud.

Rose

If you feel Rose is tied too closely to a segment of the film that is meandering and superfluous for her to resonate as strongly as the other characters in this movie, fair enough. If you tell me you hate her more than Jar Jar and that she’s a worthless character, get over yourself. She is vital, because she further expands this cast of characters so it is less and less about the Skywalkers and unfeeling nobles, and instead is increasingly about the connections normal people share, mourn, and protect. I love the strength Rose shows in her efforts to protect people, even though she isn’t a Jedi, a Bounty Hunter, an ex-stormtrooper, or even all that experienced as a soldier in the Resistance. She’s a behind-the-scenes worker, and she’s one of the bravest people in all of Star Wars. Rose is great. I hope we see her more and more, and I hope most of all that her philosophy spreads.

Luke

Mark Hamill has delighted me for many things beyond playing Luke in the original trilogy all those years ago. From his passionate and unwavering conviction he openly shows on social media, to his rich legacy of voice acting work with a cavalcade of the most deliciously villainous sounding bad guys, and being a regular on the comforting Regular Show, I’ve been thankful for him and his work for a long time now. Seeing him on top form in a live-action role is so pleasant to experience, but certainly not unexpected. What brings a smile to my face is the thought of someone who’s lost track of Hamill since Return of the Jedi, and then goes on to see him in this and is stunned by taking in the weathered, wizened man he plays so very well.

But it’s not his humour, his countless scenes that represent the crux of this film’s immensely meaty themes that will make it important for a long, long time that I feel is the highlight of what Luke brings to the table; it’s his final standoff. When I saw the sumptuous shot of a line of the First Order’s mechanical might all poised against the lone figure of Luke, I eagerly awaited some almighty display of the Force, hoping to see a grandmaster decimating and scattering war machines like leaves in the wind. But that wouldn’t be right for what this film is trying to be. It would once again put the focus on Luke by making him superior to all the other good guys combined, diminishing all the characters the film had made me feel so invested in with one motion. Instead, Luke’s almighty Force display isn’t a sledgehammer, but an illusion; a magic trick.

Because Luke is a distraction from what’s important.

Ben may want to wipe away the past, but he’s so obsessed with it that he fails to grasp the true significance of the present, which is that Luke is not the Resistance. Luke’s appearance even reflects this, as his hair doesn’t resemble what he looks like now, but what he looked like the night he and Ben clashed lightsabres. Luke has made himself look like the man Ben remembers, who he will never get over, even though he won’t exist for much longer. The Resistance, the true thorn in Ben and the First Order’s side, and the ones with the real power to affect the future, are making their escape. Meanwhile, the afterimage of a man with no physical presence or power to affect the present is causing an angry man with an entire army at his disposal to waste his time and flail at nothing. The image of Luke Skywalker, the hero who toppled an Empire, is romantic, and we have invested a great deal into it. But it is dangerous for Ben, and it is dangerous for us to think for a moment that the fight will be won by one person with special blood that was born into greatness, when it will be fought and won by a group of people who have multiple backgrounds that have come together.

Leia

I don’t know enough about the technicalities that went into this film’s production to know how much of it would have been filmed and completed before Carrie Fisher passed away, or how much of the final product was affected by a loss that still feels difficult to believe. Whatever the case, it is fortuitous that we got as much as we did of Carrie’s final performance. It’s hard to admit this, but I thought the little we saw of Leia in Force Awakens was a little off the first time I saw it, even though it felt wonderful to see the character again. She didn’t have as much time to develop this new, aged version of Leia as Harrison Ford did as Han, and I found it difficult to interpret what she was like now, how she felt about things, and what sort of approach they were taking with her character going forward.

But whether it’s the change in director, the fact that we got a lot more time with her on screen, or a combination of the storybeats, tugging at your heartstrings music, and a performance that feels like Carrie was in a comfortable place where she knew exactly how to play the part, the Leia we see in The Last Jedi is exactly what we needed and wanted to see. The way she carries herself makes it plain that this woman is a general, a leader who inspires people and has such gravity that you can’t help but be pulled towards them. It also made all the difference that you could hear the real Carrie Fisher coming through in the delivery, because you at once knew that Leia still wouldn’t take crap from anyone, but was also kind-hearted enough to want the best for the people around her. That is a woman I know people would believe in, follow, and care enough for to fight for the same things that she does. Watching this film makes you unsure if Carrie really ever left, because she feels so alive and with us in this performance. It’s only when the credits roll, and the dedication appears on screen accompanied by an echoing rendition of Leia’s theme that the loss feels achingly real again.

Conclusion

You’ve read far enough to know I think this movie’s great. I’m glad I waited before I wrote about this, because I wouldn’t have known what to say a week ago. I know that the people who have a deep hatred for this movie will likely not change their minds, and that’s fine. No one owes anyone anything when it comes to how they feel about a movie. I hope a lot of people do enjoy a film about facing failures and disappointment with reflection and a resolve to make sure you never stop trying to protect what you love, rather than putting all your energy into attacking what you hate, because I’d simply like to see more of that. Putting everything about Star Wars aside, I think any film with that sort of message is worth making and seeing.

9/10.

Filled with a strong host of characters, an appreciation for the old but an eye on the future, and a valuable theme that we are all capable of brave resolve in the face of failure and hate, The Last Jedi is an excellent film. It’s also a pretty decent Star Wars movie too.

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fmlfpl · 4 years ago

Photo

Lineup Lamentations - GW4

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: n/a

IN: n/a

Come full circle as the week progressed from taking a hit to doing nothing at all as sometimes the week goes with FPL. As we covered on the My Life pod, very far from certain about what is right or what to do with Werner so am going to just sit tight and trust the process.

The Brewster move today really also pushed it over the top to eliminate any doubts I had previously with what to do with him as I no longer need to upgrade another slot on my team. I'll just start Zambo for a farewell performance before slotting Brewster in my xi every week after the IB. With two frees I can reassess after the break and see where to go and what to do.

GK:

Ryan (eve)

Earlier in the week...this felt like a horrible fixture but now with Allan and Gomesh out for Everton I'm not sure if they will be able to actually function.

Could see Brighton doing them and a clean doesn't seem out of the question. Even though DCL is on song, we'll see.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold (avl)

Should be a walk in the park, this game, and I would be surprised if a clean isn't in unless some weird pen happens. Villa will prob just be parked and I'm expecting a cruise control win to nil here for Livp.

Shaw (TOT)

Vomit. Terrible pick, terrible player.

Dier (mun)

Vomit. Terrible pick, terrible player.

MID:

Fernandes (TOT)

Came in with some lucky puntos last weekend but such is the Bruno life. The avenues are ripe and it feels comfortable to have him in the team. Don't really know what ManU are up to right now, and the incoming fixtures are pretty grim reading, but who knows what good fixtures even look like for them, I certainly don't. Either way, he's not really someone I'm thinking of jumping on and off and more just letting ride. Not expecting the moon from this game but you'll never be surprised to see him come in with a double return.

Salah (avl)

Bit off it last weekend, and wasn't thrilled to see him play 60 in the stupid midweek game, but could be good for some points here. Villa defense been better, but they have a bad manager so it's hard to imagine that they will have a good gameplan against Livp. Not expecting a huge goalfest but 2 or 3 should come in hopefully Mo is involved in’em.

De Bruyne (lee)

Am expecting a goal fest in this one, as with everybody else. Dunno what Pep will do nor have I spent time pretending to figure it out, but I just don't care. Leeds will help create chances so when you have your own team trying to create chances and the other team also helping create chances that seems good for FPL. Hopefully Koch is exposed heem in the box and the pens floweth.

Trossard (eve)

Can't wait to watch him hit the frame this weekend. The Everton groundskeeper better make sure that the structural foundation of the goalposts are in good standing, or else his job could be fucked.

Anguissa (wol)

Nottttt great. Just a band aid again holding this spot for Brewster who will be start every week after the IB. Hoping he doesn't get a yellow card and just gets me dos puntos.

FWD:

Calvert-Lewin (BHA)

Worried about the supply this weekend, but in the form he's in he's a good shout for goals against anyone. Great player.

Werner (CRY)

By far most nervous about this one as my emotional state feels quite dependent on mister Timo this weekend. Will it be max regrets or some form of joy? Against my team no less. Fuck.

CAP:

De Bruyne (lee)

Easy cap pick for me with only one City player so I don't have to waffle back and forth between him and Raz. Great attacking fixture, maybe the best attacking fixture in the league? Hopefully a haul comes in.. fingers crossed.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: n/a

IN: n/a

Weird double save from the pod boys but yeah, echoing what Walsh said above, we’ve come full circle, and maybe we’re learning from past mistakes, it certainly feels that way, or maybe we’re making mistakes we’ve already made. Isn’t that all FPL decisions though? I felt there being too much noise this week in the FPL community and it really confused the fuck out of me but alas keeping Timo is the solution for now. It feels like we’ve learned.

GK:

Martinez (LIV)

Hoping for save points.

DEF:

Dunne (new)

Tark seems back and fit but Mee is still a maybe. Either way not really expecting Dunne to start here but maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised in what is a terrific clean-sheet shout. Or if he doesn’t play I have Lamptey off the bench which feels good.

van Dijk and Alexander-Arnold (avl)

Great guys on a great team let’s go.

MID:

De Bruyne, Sterling, and Foden (lee)

Still in it with the big time City backing. Leeds and Fulham fighting all year for what will be the best attacking fixture for FPL. It might be Leeds and we’ll see what Bielsa attempts here with no Pablo, no Harrison, against a fire-breathing Pep off of a loss... Expecting goals to fly so it feels good to be triple stacked. Would kill for a Foden start.......

Rodriguez (BHA)

Hamez is a great player and this isn’t the besssssttt fixture but he should still boss it. No one on Brighton can deal with his quality.

FWD:

Calvert-Lewin (BHA)

Don’t even think twice about it. DCL is just the man.

Werner (CRY)

Oh well. What happens happens? It feels bad to be backing anything Frank decides to do because he’s a bad manager but eventually I think he’ll get it right just by nature of playing all of the superstars that they bought. Squeeze’em all in and just let’em do stuff. Timo is fantastic and he will come good whether now or later.

Wood (new)

Undermanned Newcastle about to be dicked down by Sir Wood of Chris.

CAP:

Sterling (lee)

I switched to Raz mostly because it’s more fun.

But also there’s little nagging thing in the back of my head thinking about Man. City and their weird underperforming kind of bad central midfield. Maybe Kev has to cover deeper a bit to help Rodri? Fernandinho/Rodri double pivot certainly doesn’t seem like the solution. No Gundo still so I duno I’m a little wary of experimentations happening in mid and Kev doing a ton of tracking back and stuff and that lead me to just be like yeah lemme cap the forward here, there’s gonna be TONS of space available to Raz and he should get multiple one v ones. Razzy boy likey one v. ones and space :)... Go get me a hat-trick you beautiful boy.

#fml fpl #fmlfpl #fpl #fantasy premier league #premier league #fantasy sports #sports #fantasy soccer #soccer #fantasy football #football #lineup lamentations #podcast

0 notes

oracles · 6 years ago

Note

All of the emojis for the sweet and pure asks

DSJFHFDJKHKFJFFF honestly you’re probably like the only person who cares about what i say on here … thank u .. my savior 💖

(obviously imma put this under a cut .. if it doesn’t work on mobile, i apologize in advance aadhjfdkff since when things are under a cut i tend to write long ass rambling answers)

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

as an utterly hopeless romantic, i certainly want to. i think because of like … insecurities, self hate and stuff (not to get too deep), it’s a comforting idea to me to like Know that there’s someone out there who doesn’t see me the way i do … but realistically? no. i think you gotta realize that relationships are hard and something you have to work to keep healthy and happy and not as magically problem-solving as soulmate tropes make it out to be. so short answer: realistically no, ideally yes.

💌- diary or journal?

the one i write in is honestly a mix of both, but i think it’s more of a diary. it’s cathartic to write things out when you don’t wanna talk to someone else about it (or in addition to venting to another person) and for the journal aspect of it, i really like looking back on things i did back in the day. i’ve had a diary/journal hybrid since like 2008-ish? so i love that !

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

ooh good question …. there’s a lot! i think i see bits of myself in a lot of characters so there isn’t any One (1) person i relate to the most. shaw from person of interest keeps coming to mind but maybe i’ve just absorbed parts of her, rather than actually being like her so who knows . jessica jones is another one, in some aspects. i think just from those two you can tell the Type of character i not only gravitate towards, but relate to too

💕- are you crushing on someone?

irl? no, i’m not. i have plenty of celebrity crushes though so i can’t even begin to start listing those. honestly most of the celebs i talk about / reblog on here are most likely a crush . to paraphrase an iconic pisces, yeah i’m a love whore and what about it ??? dfjkdhkjff

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

both !!!!! but kissing in the dark may be more ideal so i can hide how flustered i probably would be

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

💌💣🌙🥀🖤 less of an aesthetic and more so just emojis i like, i feel like

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

oof … this is a really hard question. honestly, i don’t know. there’s a lot of memorable things. i feel like it’s mainly just the lil things – moments that i look back on that don’t seem like much but are really warm and comforting to reminiscence about (sorry, this isn’t really an answer)

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

a more recent fav but i’ve been really interested in diphylleia grayi / skeleton flowers lately. part of me doesn’t even know if they’re like real, but i’ve written a lot about them lately (and ofc listened to the jonghyun song about it) so i’ve had a sort of attachment to them lately. aside from that, i don’t really have a favorite? i think they’re all pretty

💖- have you ever been in love?

a lot dkjfhkjff probably more of a crush / infatuation than anything else in actuality, i suppose, though. platonically in love, however? absolutely

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

vanilla, hands down

🍯- describe your favorite smell

ironically, vanilla is a big favorite smell of mine. i think i have a pretty sensitive sense of smell so there’s a lot of different things. i also like tea / coffee smells? idk, just stuff like that. which is part of why i enjoy baking, i think

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

1) for more wishes … bc im a gremlin

beyond that, i never know what to say for these questions beyond things i obviously want like world peace, ending world hunger, etc etc. like for personal things maybe … like being happy with myself? bc i think my self-image issues hinder me a LOT.

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

both!!!! i eat the left over cookie dough when i bake but the final product is always really good too. (cookies, if i had to pick one though)

☕- coffee or tea?

tea !!!! don’t really feel like the coffee type of person (aside from enjoying the smell of it)

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

a forest with fairies, that sounds absolutely lovely

🍂- what’s your middle name?

it’s my dad’s first name

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

gemini sun, pisces moon and leo rising

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

stay inside in bed with chai. basically just having a lazy day – reading, watching something, etc etc

🍭- how tall are you?

5′7″, though a part of me likes to hypothesize that if my posture wasn’t absolute SHIT my actual height would be 5′8″ (wishful thinking probably, but my posture is bad though)

💒- which show would you want to live in?

the good place was the first one to come to mind but idk about that … they go through a lot of shit and i for sure would just be in the bad place, without a chance of redemption. to appeal my Babey side ……… can i say winnie the pooh or smth (also, im just blanking out on any decent tv show where the universe isn’t one where i will probably instantly DIE in bc of how inept i am)

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

i often say christmas for this one actually. not because we really celebrate it or anything, i just like the atmosphere around this time of year usually. mostly bc of childhood memories and how fun it was for me then

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

i don’t use any, but probably something vanilla-y so im sure there’s holiday candles that fit my taste

🎶- favorite song right now?

not necessarily a favorite (bc i have a LOT), but im listening to pirate king by ateez right now (thanks winnie)

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

idk !!!!!!! have a good/similar sense of humor to me, listen to what i have to say (and like ….. don’t make me feel like shit or annoying for bringing up my interests or showing you things i think you’ll like), and uhhhhhh maybe like do cute lil romantic things for me ??? im a sucker for that. esp when people remember lil details about me based off what i’ve just casually said, idk .. it’s bare minimum time i guess. i just can’t fathom anyone Wanting to win my heart in the first place so it’s really easy bc im touch and romance starved

🍩- current mood?

okay ? just kinda here – not really happy but not sad either. neutral. procrastinating

❄️- what is your favorite season?

spring because of my birthday and the weather is decent, i guess. though i’ll also nominate winter

💍- your current relationship status?

what you think? .. DJKHFKF SINGLE of course . when have i ever been anything else

📷- a photo of yourself

absolutely not. though i have posted some before (you can click my name in my description to see this ugly minion mug of mine)

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

it’s weird because as a concept, yes i absolutely do but in reality, i will feel guilty and bad if anyone spends money on me at all because i don’t think i’m worth that so in practice, i guess i have to abandon my sugar baby dreams

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

1) keysmashing ? dhfkjffjkf like it’s genuinely so instinctual to me that i have to stop and make myself stop before i type it to locals i know or in emails to my teachers. in a similar realm, is my lowercase aesthetic . if only i could type my essays like this

2) saying and typing ‘like’ a lot. i guess i really AM the valley girl that envi says i sound like ………. tis a sad day. i never really noticed how much i do it till i reread old messages

3) not sitting properly. at school i do it obviously, but at home i most often sit cross legged on chairs or with one leg up or something. gay culture, babey ! the amount of times i’ve been told off for sitting “improperly” or “like a man” .. amazing

and bonus 4) being a dumbass. i just felt the urge to say that. don’t expect me to think or say anything intelligent ever. especially if we’re talking irl because my brain will exit immediately and i won’t be able to put a single coherent sentence together. i sound better online than offline, trust me.

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

i don’t wanna turn this into oversharing emo o’clock but i’ll summarize it in one word … BAD. gremlin and scum are also fitting words. perhaps i have made points sometimes but that’s just after i go to rent-a-brain-cell ‘ r us . otherwise? complete fool . a clown, if you will . don’t get me started on my looks

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

this is what i REALLY want to know. i have an irrationally strong desire to just know what people think of me. it’s what gives me a self-identity and a better sense of who i am bc idk !!!!!! is my quietness making me look mean ??? who knows ! just how ugly am i actually ???? someone tell me

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

there’s a lot of things and i’m also feeling lazy to list things. but pretty smiles have always been a huge weakness of mine. and perhaps i have an arm kink ….. like not super muscley arms (i.e: body builder types) but kinda toned/defined ones? NUT . (not a necessity ofc, just a bonus)

🍓- one secret about yourself

well it’s not a secret online, but my sexuality i guess? offline, aside from kendra, no one else knows. beyond that, i wish i had something scandalous i could reveal but im genuinely a boring person

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

inside im a mess. usually i just like looking at them and going into my Daydream World (patent pending) to fulfill my romantic desires there. outwardly, i don’t do like anything. idk how obvious i am honestly. i don’t interact with them at all, aside from sneaking glances, bc i am scum !!! and also i lack any confidence whatsoever

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

never had one, so this is non-applicable :/

💬- what your last text message says?

to summarize, it was just me in the gc talking about a song i listened to a lot that i saw in my spotify top 100 list thing and about how i recently realized the singer/rapper was malaysian

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

currently, im not really marathoning anything exactly ? i guess the closest would be blackish, but i haven’t watched that in a hot minute. i’m trying to catch up on it though.

⛅- what is your morning routine?

usually it’s just get up, brush teeth / wash face, and then change into my clothes for the day and then have breakfast

💗- who do you miss?

who i used to be ……. :( IM KIDDING . ummm idk, no one really? i guess i miss the people i don’t talk to as much anymore, though it’s really my own fault most of the time since im a horrible communicator

🥀- last time you cried?

oof i don’t really remember …… like i get emo a lot but i don’t exactly full on cry a lot? one semi-recent time i remember crying was when envi sent us this one song in the gc and it was just really pure and romantic and i got in my feelings about it. funny how my crying works ……. i don’t cry a lot but it can be brought on by the weirdest, most random things

🎁- when is your birthday?

may 29th !!!!!

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

not really either (since im not scared of ghosts, though i do kinda believe in them. like i don’t NOT believe in them, but im also not gonna fight someone who doesn’t, y’know?) but long story short – i got smacked in the back of the head (like it felt like a hard slap) once and no one was there/did it. must’ve been the ghost in our apartment. i joke a lot about there being one in our place but i wouldn’t be surprised if there was, with the random stuff that happens sometimes (mostly things just falling). again im no huge believer in ghosts, it’s just whatever to me but getting hit in the back of the head like that was definitely WEIRD. bc it honestly felt like how my little brother hits me but it wasn’t him so …….. hm.

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

same age or older (not by a lot), probably. being with someone younger makes me feel weird (weirdly, usually with men. like i’ll be more comfortable dating a girl a year younger than me than a guy for example.. for maturity reasons i GUESS). but it depends. if i like someone within a reasonable age range, then i like them.

🎀- any question you want

you didn’t ask one so n/a (and neither did i in the ask i sent you so rip)

#thank you again !!! :')#userkendra #answered #ask games #about me #long post //

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realmaradyer · 8 years ago

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Michelle Hodkin answers readers questions

(may or may not contain spoilers)

Q: When does TSC take place? Are they in college or is it before that?

Michelle: The first book in The Shaw Confessions picks up not long after the end of The Retribution of Mara Dyer—before what would’ve been the beginning of Noah and Mara's senior year of HS (spoiler alert: they're otherwise occupied).

Q: Is the new book called The Becoming of Noah Shaw? It appeared in Goodreads. Is it coming on November 7?

Michelle: Good questions that I wish I could answer! I'm not being coy--I honestly don't know. I tend to end up working on my books right up until the moment they're on shelves--this is terrible, by the way, and I don't recommend it, and so everything else is in the publisher's hands. When I know anything for sure, I'll try and share it as soon as I can.

Q: What kind of state is mara and noah's relationship in? Will TSC have the same level of maturity that the mara dyer series did?

Michelle: I’m not sure if I’m getting your question right, but I will say that in some ways TSC is a more mature book (thematically, at least—Noah has a history of suicidal ideation and I tried to do his experience justice by exploring that as deeply and meaningfully as possible given my own history with depression). On the other hand, Noah's not quite as developed as Mara is, emotionally. She's experienced so many things that he hasn't, and the trilogy leaves her in a radically different place from where she started, but Noah wasn't on the same ride. He's going to realise that he has to go back before he can move forward.

Q: When will we see the cover for the becoming book?

Michelle: I know they did a cover shoot for it recently, but I wasn't there for it. As soon as they give me something to share, though, I will!

Q: Will we see a substantial amount of Daniel in TSC? I hope so! Noah and Daniel better end up besties

Michelle: Yes! Daniel has a really important role in Noah’s books. The two of them are in this space where they both love the same very deeply flawed person and aren’t completely aware of the extent of her flaws, so that actually brings them together in an interesting way, and it's been incredibly fun to write.

Q: Any advice on how to cope after the 2016 election? How do I keep active and aware without completely losing my sanity?

Michelle: God, I’m still coping with the 2016 election, and probably will be for the next three years. For me, fiction really helps—writing it and especially reading right now, and high fantasy more than anything else. I actually had Name of the Wind with me on election day when I was volunteering at HRC’s campaign headquarters, and I’m finally tearing my way through Game of Thrones right now. Also, it’s probably cliché to say it, but being offline and spending time with my family and friends helps quite a lot. I feel like I need to carefully manage my daily dose of reality, so I’m trying to do that in a way that will have the most meaningful impact.

Q: Will Mara's real name ever be revealed?

Michelle: Never! (The whole series is premised on her anonymity, so revealing her name would spoil the conceit--and plus, it would inevitably be disappointing, wouldn't it?)

Q: What music has helped inspire you when writing TSC? And what are you listening to at the moment?

Michelle:This first book of Noah’s might as well be the Halsey book—I’ve had the Badlands on repeat for over a year, basically. But it’s actually always helpful for me to go back to music I listened to at different moments when I was a teenager—like Fiona Apple and Marilyn Manson, specifically. Music really fuels certain memories for me.I missed Moana when it was in theatres so I only just saw it, and that’s the soundtrack I’ve been listening to. Lin Manuel Miranda is a perfect person.

Q: How much of Noah's old life before Mara will we get to see in tsc?

Michelle: A great question, which I'm still working out! The first book introduces some people from Noah's past, but since it takes place after Mara's trilogy and I didn't want it to be all flashbacks, all the time, it's filtered to the moments that are having the biggest impact on him at that particular moment. I'm working on the second book now, also, and it has a completely different structure...

Q: Is the Mara we'll see in TSC different from Mara's own presentation of herself in her trilogy? And will Noah's perspective contradict previous events?

Michelle: I think other people tend to see a different version of ourselves than we see (or consciously present to the world), and that’s definitely true for Mara and Noah. One thing I’ve really loved about writing this new series is going back to certain moments from the first trilogy and getting to filter them through Noah’s completely different perspective. Memory is so subjective, it's a really interesting device to play with.

Q: will you ever post any deleted scenes from the mara dyer trilogy?

Michelle: In a way, this whole series is kind of a deleted scene from the trilogy—I started writing Noah’s POV in Retribution, as he was originally in the first draft from the opening pages. When I realised how much his story diverged from Mara’s, I mentioned the idea of him having his own trilogy to explore that and now here we are!

Q: When you say In the synopsis for the Shaw confessions that Noah thinks he knows Mara dyer and he doesn't like what does that mean? And I had another question~ does Mara want darkness and will she turn the world into darkness and death and why would she if she did? Will Noah try to stop her if she does and thank you so much I can't wait for TSC AND IM OBSESSED WITH YOUR WORK!!

Michelle: Thank you so much! I haven't written a synopsis for this first book so I'm not sure what that quote refers to, but Noah's relationship to everyone, including Mara, changes as he's confronted with certain things about himself that he's tried to avoid dealing with up until now. As for what Mara wants, they do actually want the same things, but have completely different philosophies and approaches toward achieving those things. And since aspects of their personalities are externalised w/ their abilities, that's where things get rather twisted...

Q: Hi Michelle! One of the things I love about Noah and Mara's relationship is that he values her bond with her family, it's super nice to see that their relationship doesn't isolate her from them (as much as possible anyway, given what goes down later in the series). Will be seeing more of Mara's brothers in TSC? And since it's from Noah's point of view, any chance we'll get more background on what his family life with his sister and stepmom was like?

Michelle: This question makes me so happy! I love Mara's relationship with her family too, and it was important for Noah's character to value that in her--it's something he so specifically lacks (for reasons that become plain in Retribution, and even plainer in the first book of The Shaw Confessions). Daniel's starting college in New York at the beginning of TSC, so he plays a significant role in the development of Noah's story--they have a bit of a bromance going on. It's one of my favourite aspects of the new series!

Q: What was wrong with jude besides what was described in the book? Like did he have different personalities because I remember he said something like do it before he gets back and he was refering to himself

Michelle: Good catch! I don’t think anyone’s asked me this before. He has dissociative episodes stemming from his history (spoiler alert)with Dr.Kells

Q: Are the characters going to go to London in the new book? I assume they are... :)

Michelle: They never go to London, actually! The book starts in England, but they never end up in the city...

Q: Are Mara and Noah based off people you know or did you just create them from qualities you like? Its really crazy how similar Noah and Mara are to me and my boyfriend I was totally shocked to see my soul written on those pages. Granted I don't have super powers but the personalities and what they have gone through have major similarities to my own life.

Michelle: Great question--I can definitely say that Mara's brothers have exaggerated traits I stole from my own brothers, but I never really set out to create characters with certain qualities or characteristics. For me, writing is a way of answering questions I've been asking myself, so Noah, Mara, and Jamie have all spiralled off of aspects of my own personality--I actually never realised how alike Noah and I were until I was neck-deep into this story. It means a lot to hear that they've resonated with you in that way--I'm still these books for the outsidery, misfit teen that I was, so knowing that they have an audience makes me feel like I've found my people.

Q: is Jamie going to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend in confessions?

Michelle: Oh, he's interested in someone, definitely...

Q: How would Mara and Noah feel about the current politics and movements (for example Women's March) that are taking place nowadays? Would they take action?

Michelle: Love this question! My zero draft (written long before the election) actually featured Mara using her abilities to...address…real issues--along the lines of how she dealt with her problems in Retribution. Having the kind of power she does, it would be easy to fall into a trap of thinking that if you eliminate an obstacle you can eliminate the problem, but so many problems, like violence against women, for example, are the products of deeply entrenched thought patterns and cultural issues that one person alone can't change. That's a long way of saying: Mara's definitely direct action oriented, but her methods would put her at odds with basically everyone else.

Q: Any advice for girls who struggle with appearance and personality issues?

Michelle: I’ve been struggling with those things since I was ten, so I would give them the same advice I give myself: keep going. But as a teenager, I wish I'd been given less advice--I wanted to be listened to, not talked at, and I think that's one good thing to have come out of the internet and the rise of online communities--wherever you are in the world, there's someone out there who will listen to you, if you want to talk.

Q: So is Mara going to be the enemy/villain in tsc?How does David die ? Did you purposely have Maras And Noahs names spell of madness?

Michelle: Last to first: 1) Yes! 2) You'll find out if you tune in to the Pixel Project Google Hangout on March 5th! 3) Who's to say there's only going to be one?

Q: So where are you moving next? (just so I know where your next books will be set)

Michelle: I only speak English and Hebrew (terribly, but still), so I'm rather limited, but I've completely fallen in love with many things about the UK. We'll see...!

Q: is there a time jump?

Michelle: There is, but not a significant one--the two series' take place within the span of less than a year (so far, excepting the flashbacks). But there are two books left to write...anything can happen!

Q: are you planning on releasing short stories or books about other characters? Maybe Jamie,or Daniel?

Michelle: So I started writing Mara's story in 2009, and the last book of TSC will probably be out in 2019...and I think ten years is quite a stretch. I have a project I started working on pretty recently that I'd love to spend more time on--it's so completely different from anything I've ever written. But there's always a chance I might come back to Mara & Noah's world in some other way--I've learned never to say never.

Q: What is your preferred method of writing? Do you use any of the computer writing programs such as Storyist and Scrivener, or does Microsoft Word do the trick? I try to handwrite first and then transfer everything into Word, but sometimes I find it hard to keep everything organized. I've debated buying a software program but I can't tell if any of them are worth it. Would love to hear your thoughts!

Michelle: So I am a huge Scrivener evangelist--I bought a Macbook Pro in 2009 just so I could use it (they hadn't made the Windows version yet), and it's so worth it, if only for the fact that you don't have to keep switching between windows and applications when you're writing (though I use it for more than that). I've also been using Scapple (made by the creators of Scrivener)--it's like having a whiteboard on my laptop, in a way, and I love how I can create a flowchart with it out of absolutely anything. My writing process is chaotic and disorganised--I wish I could outline, but every attempt has resulted in total failure. The way I write, I sort of create these mental bins for things--one of them contains things I like, the other contains bits I want to use for the mood I want my stories to create, and out of the two, I somehow, eventually, end up with a plot. Not the most efficient way to write, but it would all be so, so much harder without Scrivener.

Q: Will you be getting twitter back?? WE MISS YOU!!! -your besties/biggest fans Britt and anna

Michelle: You're too sweet! I might end up going back eventually, but I have to say, I don't miss Twitter...I miss all of you guys, but Tumblr is a much better medium for interaction with fewer distractions for me right now.

Q:Noah Shaw confesses all in this chilling new series from Michelle Hodkin, author of the New York Times bestselling Mara Dyer trilogy!Noah Shaw doesn’t think he needs his father’s inheritance. He does.Noah believes there’s something off about the suicides in his visions. There is.Noah is convinced that he knows the real Mara Dyer. He does not.Everyone thought the nightmare had ended with Mara Dyer’s memoirs, but it was only the beginning. As old skeletons are laid bare, alliances will be tested, hearts will be broken, and no one will be left unscarred.Let the confessions begin. ------>>>>>> so is this not coming from you?

Michelle: Nope!

Q: What's your Hogwarts house?

Michelle: Dyed-in-the-wool Ravenclaw here.

Q: Did you read any books in particular to help prepare you to write The Mara Dyer Trilogy or TSC?

Michelle: For TSC, I reread and took quite a few notes on Bram Stoker's Dracula. Which probably doesn't make much sense right now...but I hope it will, someday!

Q: Is the reoccurring numbers in the trilogy like 213 and 1821 have to do with foreshadowing or is the more of a mystery to them? Or have I just over analysed?

Michelle: You didn't overanalyse! They're repeated intentionally. Daniel says this about it in Retribution:/ Daniel looked at me with a curious expression. “Those numbers I was talking about? The sequence? Lenaurd, the author, kept referring to them as genetic markers—the numbers of the genes that carry the anomaly that makes the subjects different. One of the studies he self-published determined that subjects with the anomaly see those numbers everywhere. The sequences stand out to them. Whenever they see a cluster—any pairing of one, eight, two, or three—they notice. It’s like an obsessive thought, or a form of OCD counting. They start seeing patterns where there are none, but they may not even realize they’re doing it. It’s one of the earliest symptoms.”/

Q: Silly question: We know Noah is not good at drawing, but is he good at dancing? I swear it's not for fanfiction. :)

Michelle: Noah could dance, but he doesn't. He's more of a watcher than a joiner.

Q: Hi Michelle! Thank you so much for your support for The Pixel Project and our work to end violence against women. Here are our questions:

YA books tell some of the most female-friendly and female-centric stories in modern fantasy today. Why do you think this is so and where does Mara fit in the spectrum of YA heroines?What do you think authors can do to support the cause to end violence against women and girls?

Michelle: Thank you guys so much for having me. I’m not sure I can do this question justice, but I think YA has the advantage of speaking directly to an audience that is open and interested in reading female-driven stories, even from unlikeable or unpopular perspectives. When I first started writing Mara’s story almost eight years ago, all I really knew about her then was the type of character she would end up becoming—just this completely unrepentant and unapologetic anti-heroine. I really hadn’t read any stories featuring a female protagonist like her in any of the books people were handing me as a teen, so I ended up writing my books to fill the empty space on my own shelf. I hope that, as an author, I can give voice to perspectives readers maybe haven’t been exposed to before. I’ve been sexually assaulted myself, and one thing I wanted to do when I first started writing was to write a character who didn’t react to that experience in a way that’s considered typical. I think helping to dispel the idea that women who have been victims of violence are only allowed to react in specific, prescribed ways is terribly important, and that’s something I lean into pretty hard with my own work. I went to law school because I wanted to help those who were voiceless be heard, and I never dreamed that I would be able to do exactly that on a larger scale than I could’ve imagined by writing fiction. So that’s what I keep aiming for. There will always be more work to do, and I plan to keep showing.

@michellehodkin : Thank you so much for stopping by to ask questions. I'm being dragged away but I will do my best to check in later to see if there are any stragglers. Back to work, and I hope to see you on Sunday for the reading!

link to the whole thing

#michelle hodkin #mara dyer #noah shaw #michelle hodkin q/a #michelle hodkin ama #the shaw confessions #books #ask michelle #it was awesome

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jacewilliams1 · 6 years ago

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Flying Air Force officers around in Sabreliners

It is hard to imagine the Air Force once had more pilots than it knew how to handle and lots of cockpits to use. You’ve probably heard of the North American Sabreliner, known in Air Force livery as the CT-39. The CT-39 designation is sort of a fooler, since it was neither a cargo aircraft or really trainer. Actually, maybe it was the foreshadowing of FedEx and NetJets.

In Vietnam it had the call sign SCATBACK, moving between bases in Vietnam, the Philippines and Thailand carrying photos from RF-101 and RF-4C missions to Saigon; hauling (small) high priority spare parts, keeping aircraft operational while awaiting parts from PACAF and CONUS; and moving general officers and their emissaries with “words” from headquarters to the guys flying combat missions or, in some cases feedback on what was really going on “up country.”

In my time, the Sabreliner was generally used for moving general officers about the Air Force on official business. In the seventies and eighties anywhere there was a lieutenant general (three star) or above you’d find at least one CT-39 on the airfield. At major headquarters, you’d find a small fleet. At Langley we had a Military Airlift Command (MAC) Detachment (the Det) led by a career MAC pilot and staffed with several field grade officers for planning and supervision.

The Det also had several very junior officers, a few first lieutenants and several junior captains. MAC sent their junior guys to Dets like Langley, Andrews, Offutt, and Peterson Field to build flying time, seasoning them for their next assignments in BIG MAC, the hard-core airlift forces of C-5 Galaxies, C-141 Starlifters, and C-130 Hercules.

Filling out the Det’s aircrew complement at Langley were field grade officers out of the TAC staff. Mostly guys with over a thousand hours of fighter time. I’m not really sure how this was justified. We had all met our gates in terms of flying time and had full time jobs on a staff working ten plus-hour days during the week and healthy half days on Saturday. No matter what the reason we were, to use the British term, seconded over to MAC for their CT-39 crew force.

The T-39 was better known as a Sabreliner in the civilian world.

The move into Little MAC was straightforward. You were booked into a training program: two weeks in St. Louis, Missouri, with FlightSafety for ground school and simulator work. The third week you moved over to Scott Air Force Base for five rides in the CT-39 with MAC including a checkride in the Sabreliner.

You also got a tour of DOOF, the MAC Headquarters office responsible for scheduling CT-39 sorties across the United States. You learned they were a hard-working and generally competent group, but like weathermen, on occasion didn’t look outside their office to see what was really going on in “the world.” They knew what needed to be done, but didn’t always know what was in the way of really executing the specific mission.

Back at Langley, TAC CT-39 pilots became taffy between the Det and their bosses on the staff. The Det nominally scheduled their TAC help for two-four flying days a month. About once a quarter, you had a “local proficiency sortie.” This typically consisted of an Instructor Pilot from the Det and two TAC guys. The objective was to work on the proficiency requirements you didn’t get with passengers aboard, all the funny approaches (single engine, no flap, back course ILS and localizer-only approaches), and touch and go landings. All were performed from both the left and right seats. This sortie consumed about two hours’ flying time.

Sidebar: On more than one occasion, these locals included taking on an FAA check pilot and getting single-engine pilots multiengine qualified and, in some cases, fill ATP squares. A perk to those who wanted to have that option for sure.

Mission days were full twelve-hour crew duty days. We usually stayed east of the Mississippi.

A day’s mission usually included three flights. Lots of time in and out of Andrews, Hanscom Field and Wright Patt. We’d typically start our day around 0630 and end twelve hours later. On occasion there was a Remain Over Night (RON) when mission extension and crew duty day considerations were factors. That usually meant another day in the airlift system and away from the desk.

Important to note: all of our scheduled flights were laid on to support specific personnel movements. Usually senior officers and some of the staff they wanted for support. If we had seats open, we always checked Base Operations for any stand-by going where we were headed. I can never recall a senior officer not releasing any seats he wasn’t using for a stand-by pax.

Often no one wanted to go to places like Scott AFB near St. Louis, Missouri, or Shaw AFB in the middle of South Carolina, but in many cases they did. I recall two female Marine captains jumping at the chance to go to Dover AFB, Delaware – their response to the offer was, “Yea, Rehoboth Beach – we are on the way.” Fasten your seatbelts, and don’t bother the general.

Having two bosses – the Det, and your one on the staff – was a source of tension. Det planned on your availability about 90 days in advance and understandably didn’t take to changes to their crew schedule. Your boss didn’t have much sympathy when staff deadlines arose or the questions on your action were coming across his desk while you were on the road. One thing for sure: your future depended on keeping your boss at TAC happy.

Early T-39s had very basic cockpits – no autopilots here.

Now my impressions of the Sabreliner. A good-looking biz jet – it had a look of the MiG killing F-86 namesake that appealed. Our CT-39s were basic. No autopilot, no anti-skid, no weather radar, usually four passenger seats, a bench in the back that covered the commode – don’t think anyone I ever had on board had the courage or need to use it. We had a carry-on coffee urn we filled at the start of the mission. Usually base ops joe in a paper cup or a can of Coke was the bring-your-own refreshments.

The cockpit was relatively modern and comfortable. Left seat felt pretty much like a T-38 with a flight director. Right seat felt and looked like you were in a T-37 – crosscheck was like typing, opposed to the classic T on the left side. Wheels were different for me. One MAC procedure that I never got comfortable with was that the pilot flying didn’t talk on the radio. The non-flyer was the talker. If I concentrated I could put the gear and flaps down and have the other guy call it, but it never felt right.

Flying qualities were enjoyable. One negative for me was the narrow main gear and the tendency to be a touch light on its feet and weathervane in a crosswind. Of course, most things do feel light when you’ve flown the F-4 for very long. Wet runways and crosswinds reminded you to fly it all the way to turn off and be conscious of hydroplaning where there was much rubber on the runway. In the air, it was easy trim and synch the two engines for a pleasant and low workload ride.

With the Sabre-like wing it was a very comfortable cruise in the high 30s, and even in the low 40s, although up high the cruise speed could be close to where the engines were worth minding. I want to say it was fun to fly, but with passengers you really weren’t looking for fun, just smooth work and on-time arrivals.

I accrued a little over 200 hours in the Sabreliner, and fortunately had few notable events where I had that pucker factor that comes with the business. Some things I do remember:

Taking a senior officer to the Air Force facility at O’Hare International, and being stepped to four different runways inside ten miles. Rolling out and turning off the active and getting a call from ground, something like, “Little fellow, just listen up and I’ll get you to the Guard ramp without a stop in the penalty box.” Progressive taxi in other words – good by me.

Picking up two plain clothes fellows with “permits to carry” and dropping them off at the end of an airfield near Buffalo, New York, to watch them depart in a dark Suburban. Also OK by me.

Making an early takeoff out of Offutt one February where 8000 feet of the middle of the runway had to be scraped and de-iced so a senator could get home for a luncheon. His only comment on deplaning at Andrews was the coffee was cold and he wished we could have landed at Washington National.

One day when our third leg would have us make a night approach into Dayton International per the direction of DOOF. Weather near our minimums, ice on the runway, strong crosswinds, and Wright Patterson closed due to visibility and ice. Our ILS was unreliable but my young MAC colleague was convinced it was imperative for us to go because “DOOF said so.” Nope, we didn’t even have a passenger, and the morning weather looked much better. A teaching moment. We had dinner at the Andrews Club and made our pick up in the AM – per the pax schedule.

Night flight topping a thunderstorm at FL410 and having hard rain (aka hail) hitting the top of the cockpit so loud that we could barely communicate. Never heard a sound like that with a canopy! All the while watching the TAS, IAS and EGT. Weather radar would have been nice.

I mentioned earlier the CT-39 was used mainly for the transportation of generals. It was a business jet in the true sense of that term. In my experience, the ranking passengers either worked on papers they were obliged to review, discussed matters with their staff, or actually got in the cockpit to do what they joined the Air Force to do – fly. (For the record, I never saw or loaded any golf gear on the jet. No doubt some golf was played while they were on extended trips – most courses had quality clubs to rent, and as long as you had suitable shoes you were good to go.)

The CT-39 was based on the famous F-86 “MiG killer.”

The criterion for getting a CT-39 scheduled was rank based. Generally (ha!) speaking two stars and above, as well as their civilian Senior Executive Service (SES) colleagues, were able to get a Sabreliner in the time slot requested. Lower ranks not so much. But, Americans are wont to game the system. Here’s one scheme I am familiar with. There was a System Program Director (SPD) with responsibility for a program very important to TAC. He was drawn to Langley routinely for discussions on the program and status updates. The SPD was a brigadier general select – low on the CT-39 totem pole. Howsomever, he had acquaintance with a SES on the staff at Wright Patterson.

This individual (informally known as “The Ticket”) had almost an emeritus status – not much responsibility on any given day and a very flexible schedule. So, the SPD would let him know he was going to Langley and ask him along. The answer was always OK. So, the trip was booked in the rank of the SES. The SPD had a ride to Langley and back, and the SES enjoyed a nice lunch and discussions with folks on the staff or at NASA.

I mentioned golf clubs. OK, here’s a flying fish story relating to what can happen when outside circumstances enter into VIP transportation situations. During the Nixon era, there was a Wing Commander at Homestead AFB with a son in the early teens who caught a nice but not trophy-sized fish. He was so excited he convinced his dad, a colonel at the time, to have the creature mounted – at no small cost. Time passed and the Wing Commander was promoted and reassigned to Germany.

The guy ordering the fish was gone when the trophy was delivered. It was prepaid, so it was dropped off for further action. Remember the Nixon administration? Here’s the connection. Key Biscayne. While Nixon was at his Florida White House, he didn’t encourage business visits. However, there were high-powered visitors, often landing at Homestead AFB. One was Henry Kissinger, making a visit before going to Paris for a Vietnam peace talk session.

The staff at the former wing commander’s office got the fish included on Kissinger’s military jet, and for forwarding on to its owner in Germany. No one knew the journey would include franking of the package with markings such as, Secretary of State’s aircraft enroute to the Paris Peace talks, then passed by the State Department to an official courier and again marked Diplomatic Material – Special Handling Required and expedited to Germany via official car.

The fish was delivered to the now Brigadier General’s office with fanfare. He had no idea what it was. Opened with his secretary in presence, he was dumbfounded to find “the fish.” Thoughts of fraud, waste and abuse quickly entered his mind. He made a few phone calls to Homestead and they pieced together the circumstances leading to the priority package. The brigadier advised his seniors of the situation. Fortunately, they were understanding and the record was set straight. Today that fish has a place of distinction in an “I love me room” and an unusual provenance. Why is this tale included? Just because it demonstrates how sometimes innocent intentions lead to misuse of government resources and actions. Sort of like buying a $30,000 desk for a government office.

The CT-39 played a useful role for years in the Air Force; it provided a good capability to transport senior officers quickly and cheaply and a platform to season young pilots, preparing them for bigger and better future assignments. Not mentioned in this discussion, it also served as a flying testbed for many avionics systems, particularly the generation of advanced radars and electronic warfare systems successfully deployed in Desert Storm. Today many of those trips by CT-39 are accomplished by video conference, documents go by internet, and priority parts go by FedEx, UPS and the like. For guys like me, it afforded a look at another part of the Air Force and an appreciation of how lucky we were to return to the flying we loved. And in spite of the conflict of being out of the office flying – it was still flying.

The post Flying Air Force officers around in Sabreliners appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/01/flying-air-force-officers-around-in-sabreliners/

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