#''trans people either have the most normal names or insane things.''

[kyouka-supremacy]

This is random, but here's a list of things that aren't technically canon but make official sskk lore to me:

Akutagawa is a trans gay man

Atsushi is bisexual

Akutagawa fell when Atsushi told him “In my opinion, Dazai-san recognized you a long time ago”. Atsushi fell the instant Akutagawa died for him, because that's the first time he started considering him human (the fell first / harder of this thread).

When Dazai told Akutagawa “you know the reason yourself, don't you?”, the implied reason both of them knew about is that Akutagawa loves Atsushi.

Akutagawa is / was romantically in love with Dazai

In his free time, Atsushi reads and often visits the public library (this is canon, but stretching and reiterating)

In his free time Akutagawa sews. He doesn't like reading.

In chapter 87 it was specifically Atsushi to land the blow that killed Fukuchi (and not Akutagawa) because Akutagawa was still holding to his promise not to kill

Atsushi can cook (and he's getting better at it!), Akutagawa mostly can't

Akutagawa has autism and adhd and eating disorders

Akutagawa and Gin live together

Akutagawa is very protective of Gin. He insists that nobody has to know they're siblings, not even in the pm

Atsushi is the big spoon, c'mon guys

Atsushi prefers coffee over tea, Akutagawa only drinks tea

Akutagawa can't cry (disproved in canon)

To their own surprise, Akutagawa is way more willing to touch and cuddle than Atsushi is. Atsushi really isn't used to physical touch, and it takes him a long time to adjust.

Dazai intentionally set sskk up to be the new generation of double black, but didn't predict they would have ended up together.

Atsushi is pretty selfish actually. Way more than Akutagawa anyway.

If they could have grown in normal circumstances, both of them would actually be quite confident people.

Akutagawa's disease was directly caused by Dazai's physical abuse (half canon? I mean he doesn't have it in Beast)

Akutagawa can't hold his alcohol (canon). Atsushi literally can't get drunk (tiger regenerative abilities).

Atsushi sleeps 10pm-6am, (canonly inherited from when he lived at the orphanage, but I shifted it of an hour because like. C'mon. I don't want to curse this guy to wake every day of his already miserable life at 5am). He is the early bird™

Akutagawa sleeps 5am-11am or later (I know it's technically 3am-5am but man I don't want to curse this guy to sleep for two (2) hours every day of his already miserable life). He is the night owl™. I like to think he'd be a sleepyhead once he's found a place he can *finally* feel safe in, which is something he never had, but y'know. Generally this.

Either way, both of them are insanely light sleepers

Excluding external conditioning, Atsushi and Akutagawa are perfectly equal in (overall, not physical) strength. However, Atsushi prevails over Akutagawa in canon because of the effect All Men Are Equal has on him. The same goes for Akutagawa in Beast.

When they're alone together, Akutagawa does most of the talk; which is still not an exceptionally big amount, but still more than Atsushi, who acts strikingly different in comparison to the usual overchatter and chaotic rambler he is with other people.

After they get together, Akutagawa keeps calling Atsushi “Jinko”, while Atsushi will probably shift to calling Akutagawa “Ryuunosuke” at some point. I don't see either of them using pet names.

Atsushi's love language is words of affirmation, Akutagawa's is acts of service.

Both of them highly dislike pda. They try to keep their relationship secret as much as possible.

Atsushi would have been very non overprotective / laid back if it hadn't been for The Incident (Akutagawa dying in front of his eyes). Now he has an hard time leaving Akutagawa alone.

Neither of them have any dating experience

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Aunty,

I recently came across a book called Wrath Goddess Sing and while I have nothing against the original premise (showing Achilles as a trans woman) despite how that would not really have worked in those times, it's actually so weird how the author decided to magically turn Achilles into a "real woman" whose beliefs around womanhood center on the ability to give birth and be a mother, which is just insane if you consider that the author is also trans (by making Achilles a bio woman, she's literally erasing what the premise was about and then claiming that it happened either because the Gods knew she wanted it *so much* or because she wanted it "enough" to make it happen which invalidates all other trans folks in the story because they suddenly don't want it "enough"). Apart from that, there are constant homophobic, transphobic and incredibly racist remarks throuought the book which is why it's so weird to see it praised by so many.

Also, the author used the term "kallai" to refer to trans people in Skyros and now some fans of hers are using it to speak of themselves, despite it being plural and despite it not making sense in the way they're using it. F.e. "I'm a kallai/good morning Kallai", which is just peak US centrism (and like the author literally claimed that the female version of "Achilles" was "Achileas" - why don't they do research?).

What I often explain to foreigners when they throw tantrums about people (often Greeks 😄) telling them something is wrong, is that we are not unreasonable. I think most Greeks would just go "hm!" at the thought of someone exploring the thought of a trans Achilles, and we would all realize the problem with this book would actually be the historical/language/societal inaccuracies. Like the cringe I feel when I read the "I'm a kallai/good morning Kallai".

As far the female version of the Achilleas go, we know this to be Achillea ("Αχίλλεια" ), not Achilleas. The author perhaps found a woman named Achilleas ("Αχιλλειάς" / "Αχιλλειάδα"; ) somewhere? But I haven't read or seen that name in any Greek text. Grammatically it also feels "off" to me, (having been exposed to enough ancient Greek grammar) but if someone has found it, pls tell us.

For the lack of research... I don't care how progressive you say are. If you are not doing any research on the culture and language of the people you're writing and you're still making a profit, and no one in the industry cares to check you, that's a form of privilege and you're engaging in harmful - and very much not progressive - behaviors.

And because I had a few discussions with other Greeks and non-Greeks on this let me share something here.

A reaction from Greeks and other people would also be "but Achilles was not trans...?" and yes, that's a normal reaction and it's not linked to American conservatism, sorry to burst the US neoliberal bubble.

While the author has the right to write what she wants, it's still a fact that we don't have any evidence of Achilles being anything but cis. If anything he was the most macho male man out there according to Greek standards and very much happy with his predicament. And when this figure is popular and, well, your ethnic hero, you just want to ask about that. Not in a "I don't want this book to exist" way but you want to ask why did it have to be Achilles, and why a historically cis person.

I'm not saying all this to imply that the author shouldn't write this. Anyone can write whatever they want, and I don't think exploring this scenario is harmful to anyone. But it's fair to assume the author went "I want a trans Achilles no matter what!" And because the ends clearly justified the means here, the character of Achilles and all the themes of the initial story were thrown out the window - which is also not the best thing to do when writing well-known figures and stories from other cultures.

Sure, the premise of "what if Achilles liked being a woman?" is an interesting idea and, if written well, I would read it. However when a writer does all the above it's clear to most people that they just make a far-fetched play-pretend out of myths that cannot be changed - bc they are already written and we preserve them for the last 2.000 years.

Then, you have the... odd (for lack of a better word) tropes. For this specific trans writer the tropes worked and good for her. At the same time I can see why other trans women might have an issue with the transformation into a "real woman". From what I hear, there are trans women who'd like this transformation and others who don't find it validating. And ofc there's always the issue of why Achilles got her wish and what the other trans women did "wrong" to not get it.

With all the paragraphs above I also want to raise an extra issue. Why take a completely cis person and make them trans, instead of writing the story of a historically trans person or creating a new trans character? (if history doesn't have any) Relying on an established cis figure for trans representation can be a bit icky.

"Apart from that, there are constant homophobic, transphobic and incredibly racist remarks throuought the book which is why it's so weird to see it praised by so many." That's also unfortunate 😩 I won't read the book but if you have passages and stuff to demonstrate this point, let me know

[uncanny-tranny]

I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask this, please feel free to ignore.

So I figured out earlier this year that I’m trans as an adult. And I was euphoric for months afterwards. I kept the knowledge to myself and did tons of research to really be sure and there was never and shred of doubt. So I eventually started coming out, by now I’m out to most people in my life and reactions have been better than expected, everyone is doing their best when it comes to using my new name and pronouns. I even found a therapist who’s cool and started my sessions so I can get testosterone next year hopefully.

But now it feels like I’m hitting a wall. I’ve been so stressed out lately and I feel a sense of near-constant dread. I had some fleeting thoughts of “omg what am I doing” when I first came out to the first people but that only ever lasted for a short time. But now I’ve been feeling that almost constantly the past weeks. And I’m so exhausted. I wonder if I’m making a mistake.

But on the other hand it feels nice when people use my new name and pronouns and I’m getting more and more used to it. I can’t wait to get on T cause I really want those changes and I could handle hair loss, acne and other undesired consequences.

So I guess I just wanna know if this feeling of dread and insecurity is normal. I suppose it is, this is an exciting time for me with huge changes on the horizon, but it’s driving me a bit insane lately. It’d help to know whether others feel the same and I don’t know where else to ask.

Sorry again if this ask is inappropriate or something

Honestly, I think the biggest contributor to these types of feelings is both that it is so new (i.e., getting almost... used to not identifying with the language people use for you and how you are conceptualized) and the fact that it's so much change in a relatively short amount of time.

I've seen this constantly over the years, and some of the biggest reasons I've seen people react "negatively" to their transness is that it is so much change and also... there is that sense of imposter syndrome that you start thinking you either don't deserve to be treated how you want and need to be, but also that you somehow are making it up or are about to make a grand mistake. Transition is often treated like this grave decision, that if you don't know for sure what you want that it's "not worth it" to pursue transition. I think that's unfair because... transition isn't something that needs to be treated like life-or-death, that you can't ever reverse part or all of your decision.

So, no, you aren't reacting poorly or weirdly in this stage of life. It's completely normal to feel almost out of place and unsure about how to process your inner feelings and the reactions from others. The best thing, in my opinion, that you can do is give yourself space and not place the weight of the world on your shoulders. You have time, and you are allowed to make whatever decisions about your life and how you spend it.

[gutsondisplay]

Time to take anti down a couple notches

Cw : paramisia, transID hate, sui and self harm mention

By now, I'm sure a good portion of you have seen someone by the acc name "fuckradqueers", so let's go over their shit in *this* post because i DO NOT wanna have to deal with them bitching in my replies <3333

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"they should be treated" for what, *how* is someone treated, because as far as I know, this isn't something therapists or any mental health work thinks is a problem!

What does a "happy adult life" entail? Why are these things specifically adult? How do you know this person *is* an adult and not a teen? What mental illness do *all* these people have?

Also the label doesn't make them think their kids..? Using the label transfem does not make people think their transfem, it's their experience and want for that label etc etc

And lastly, it's gross to point at healthy ways of dealing with things and say it's bad and horrible! Genuinely so close to saying horrible things because GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE <333 you don't decide whats healthy and what isn't for all victims! Not even mentioning that not all transage are victims, some people just wanna be kids man

Next

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Oh wonderful, people with eye problems must LOVE you.

"You're not valid" validity as a concept sucks, try again

"You're a mockery" yes I am! I am a mockery of the human experience, as I am not human but a horrific forest creature forced to seem normal

"you're harmful".... Oh TransHarm people, how do we feel about this one, do we tell him?...

"you're stupid" that's not how that works, also, anyone who gets euphoric over getting called stupid (I know you guys exist) pspspsps

"You're not a part of the community" mmmm yes we are, we have our own community but also most of us are queer in other more "normal" ways than this. I haven't actually met a single cishet allo and perisex person in this entire community

"you're genuinely rancid" this is literally giving me euphoria, I love being a rancid lil nightmare <333

"and you will always be invalid" incorrect statement, you cannot disprove how someone feels something

"you're harming real trans people" hi, I'm real trans people, transIDs aren't the reason republicans hate us, nor is catgender, and it wasn't nondysphoric's either. People just want us dead, no smaller minority caused that to happen

"and you will never have the shit you claim to have" that's literally not how that works, you can very easily become disabled, schrodingerID and others exist literally because some people don't know if they are cis or trans something

Nextt

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Hi, schizophrenic here, I *would* actually like if people fetishized my experiences

I don't like being treated like a criminal or danger or whatever else, and so I'd rather be seen as hot than bad, might even want someone to call me crazy or insane in bed (might be hot, who knows)

Fetishists at least acknowledge I have personal agency in regards to my life and sexual situations! Cause while it gets their rocks off, all fetishists I've met are MAJORLY on top of communication! The same cannot be said for other people INCLUDING YOU

And people usually don't have a say in what they find hot, so someone being into delusional people is something I doubt they had a full say in, and even if they did have a say in it, they aren't negatively affecting me, what affects other schizo-spec is people believing they have no agency (including sexual agency !!!!)

Nexttt

(Warning as here's where it gets a lil worse)

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"para's are fine as long as they aren't the ones I personally don't like!"

Repeating who can and can't consent doesn't make people stop having paraphilias. Also "it's not just a simple fantasy" and then proceeding to call it a fantasy RIGHT AFTERWARDSS?? funny as fuck, also if it's a *fantasy* specifically, it doesn't have to be rape, like in fantasy land, something like this doesn't *have* to be rape (tho more power to ya to those who do fantasize about rape)

Also a little interesting how this for some reason *didn't* include necro's... Weirddd

Para's shouldn't be targets of shame, it's just a part of people and no one chooses to have them or not, and "you should either die or get locked up" is what causes actual rape!!! People thinking they can't get help when they do actually need it, people thinking that they're just a ticking time bomb, social pressure and ideas about para's made the issues we have today! Para's don't just do that on their own!

And this doesn't ignore people who don't need help and are just chilling, as this person also includes those who don't do anything as being just as bad as those who do act, he sees everyone as rapists

And for the end, where cyen says "never to be near children or animals" whatever whatever

I need you to keep in mind that minor para's exist, those who went through abuse and now are pedos or zoos exist, 8 year olds who accidentally found out how they feel about things online and now feel ashamed, 10 year olds who have those fantasies cyen mentioned and want to die over it

Does a family deserve to lose a child because this person thinks the child is bad?

But it only gets weirder

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Cyen thinks someone can... Choose to not be a para?... And if they don't their.. bad??

Somehow being incredibly ignorant to accessibility when it comes to therapy often being a problem for people, and even more so ignoring para's who don't need professional help

Also the testosterone thing isn't true????? You cannot be medicated for para's??????? Don't ask me where cyen got this from, he just pulled it out of his ass

But theres a bigger problem with cyen that you've now probably seen.

Cyen likes to put a lotta words in others mouths, like saying maps are trying to hide from the word pedo (that's literally never what happened, it was just made as an alt term, in a therapy group no less!). Or yelling at this person in is comments trying to make them seem like a pedo despite that not at all being what dude was doing or saying

This includes these 2

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There is literally no context for the first one, someone just said "take the L" and cyen somehow takes that as "this person is a rape apologist and doesn't understand anything!" While proceeding to be very wrong (I swear if you showed cyen age regression I think he would explode)

And the second was how he started out his blog, just going haywire insane at his own community, WILD that is (and antis wonder why we think their community is bad)

Thank you all for letting me rant, and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[beast-of-mosss]

tell e about your OCs. also did you know Daiki is the name is of Ritsu's seiyuu

Ooh! Oh! Hiii, and sure- but I have a lot of things about them so I'll probably just get the basics. And no, I did not know about that!? That's interesting, thank you! I'm also biting you for asking this (affectionately) going insane

Sorry this is so long, and it doesn't really scratch most of the lore for them 😬

Also, let me know if anyone wants the picrew I used ^^ I may of went overboard here hahahah~!

Most of my idol unit were from when I first got into enstars, so some lore got lost- which sadly means that Daiki, my youngest and mint idol, is put on the backburner until I can figure out what to do with him. (I sadly also forgot his last name as well, and I'm not even sure if Daiki is his real name either)

Also the oc foreign idol unit I have is called "Buskin and Socks", very heavy motifs with theater and deals with comedy/tragedy (hence the name). Each song was supposed to tell a story with character roles that each member would play.

Also some old art of Daiki as well!

Daiki: tooth obsessed big little guy. was supposed to be the youngest of the unit. He was supposed to be the pure knight, and was a semi-foil to Sierra (The double faced queen) I ended up dropping him, but his concept will probably be used for later.

Sierra Rivera: transfem. (18) shes 5'11. She/her user. I'm still working on her bc I'm not really used to having a meanish character. She comes off across as flirty and cute, but is kinda just manipulative and just likes to leave an impression. Attention seeking in a way as to never be forgotten. Slightly murderous, hasn't murdered anyone yet- but she's willing ;). She's a huge wip but I love her a lot. She's the only one that sees Frecil as just a weird guy (the others see them as differently). She's has a hearing aid and does do the choreography of performances. Also step-sibling to Frecil.

José Diaz plus picrew: he's like 5'10. With Daiki out of the unit and put on a back burner, he's actually the youngest(17)of the ground and leader bc enstars love putting their youngest members as leaders. Also trans. But, yeah, he's selective mute and is just very shy.

Like, not in a blushing mess kinda of way- just more aloof? I wanted to explore shyness in a way that's not a stumbling mess, if that makes sense? He's very anxious and probably the most "normal" of the unit. He's very kind and sweet-hearted, having a love for hello kitty. I'm still exploring him as well, but he's definitely fun to explore and I love him dearly. Funny enough, he's also plays the dubious confirmed or not enstar-like game, he's a rabbit!p. He looks up to Frecil and had this weird devotion with him, both as someone he looks up to (putting Frecil on a podium) and as his mentor. It's interesting to say the least.

Frecil (Frederico Rivera) they/them user,: 5'2

The shortest of the unit, but they are the oldest (20). This little guy was made to be my absolutely bonkers character when I first made them, and now I'm reworking with the original concepts and giving them more depth. Probably the one with the most thoughts. They are blind. The ears are also fake/not canon to their actually design. Does most of the vocal training/writes the songs.

They are probably the most experienced of the unit, having gone through the ringer a couple of times. I mean, to be the one at the top and fall type of story. I often think of them as a fallen angel at times. They're just someone who's kinda done with the limelight and just kinda sits back when it comes to idol life.

They somehow?? Smell like?? Wet earth??

They act very child-like to throw off people, speaking rather child-like as well. Has been known to bite people, give people rocks, and has territorial battles with Mayoi in the vents. Just a very out there, eccentric, character. They and José were the ones that created Buskin and Socks. Ahh, I should stop before making this too long hahah~

Cherry/Aela Barbasdotter: 19, 6'0, she/her user as well. Oh! And one of my producers, mostly producing with Socks and Buskin.

Her design mostly stayed the same, but her personality is a lot different than before. Before she was bubbly and cheerful, often time picking up others with ease. Now she's more stoic and guarded. She's always so strong, but in a chubby sort of way. Like she could very easily pick up all cast in Enstars bc I think its funny to pick up the more taller idols like they were kittens. Despite her cold mask, she's actually very very very nice and kind- often motherly towards others. But also very protective. So protective that it kinda causes issues with the growth of Buskin and Socks. There's some issues between Frecil and her. She kinda treats Frecil likes they are some sort of fragile doll, afraid to watch them fall apart again. It's kinda dehumanizing at times, but she's also very loyal towards Frecil and what they are trying to do. She's well-research and very professional when she works with idols. Some final girl stuff going on with her.

She's been with the idol unit since the beginning.

Diwa García; 17, she/they. 2nd year.

She can see ghooostt~. The ability is "genetic" in their family. Their mother is from Philippines, so that's where most of the ghost-seeing relatives are from. Her little immediate family (her mothers and them) are kinda the black sheeps of the family, which is due to her mothers being ghost hunters for a TV show. Kinda like selling out in a sense?

Nonetheless, Diwa's kinda been isolated as a kid- so talking to living people is a bit difficult for them at times. It doesn't help that sometimes they can't tell who's alive or not. She honestly thought that some of the idols are, well, ghost. She actually doesn't want her mother's fame nor her ghost seeing abilities to be known. She just wants to be normal, and is just obsessed with anything she considers normal. Oh to be someone who desires to be normal and never being able to reach it. Also, she's missing a pinkie! Hahahah!

She's probably the character with the most interactions with the main cast compared to the other ocs(due to Cherry kinda "cock"blocking Buskins and Socks from interacting with other idol units etc).

She's terrified of bodies of water/water ghosts, so she is absolutely terrified of Kanata. It doesn't help that she's friends with Tetora, and kinda gets dragged out by him. Also has a "lowkey" crush of Narukami~!

[lesboygamzee]

can you also do june? :D

sexuality headcanon: greyaro lesbian ^_^ i know a lot of people interpret the whole ' i am not a homosexual ' thing as her being in denial but tee bee h i did not interpret it that way . i think she is very much a girl liker but also arospec because im aro and love making as many characters as possible arospec

gender headcanon: trans woman duh . i think she calls herself a transsexual and says she used to be a man because she just seems the type to phrase it that way and good for her . her egg does not crack for a million years ( 30 )

a ship i have with said character: junevrisrezi supramacy . i feel like a lot of people make it really fluffy but i think they have some fucked up shit going on thats just kind of what happens when youre in proximity to both vriska AND terezi . mental illness ? in MY t4t4t lesbian polycule ? its more likely than you think .

a brotp i have with said character: JUNE AND BOTH BETA STRILONDES . and june and karkat but i junes friendship with both rose and dave is so so so important to me . i love junes conversations with like every character ever but ESPECIALLY in the early acts i love june and roses + june and daves interactions theyre so sillyfun . best buddypals

a notp i have with said character: i .. dont know . i guess the BAD ones . every ship coming to mind is either because its literally awful or because i think june is a lesbian . i guess junerose and juneroxy because i am friends with the lalondes but thats literally it .

a random headcanon: i hc literally every character as autistic but this girl can fit so much fucking autism in her its insane . like grabbing you by the shoulders go and read some june conversations with ' june autism compilation ' in mind and itll fit 90% of the time .

general opinion over said character: juney my absolute beloved . she will be like all of my friends are so weird im glad im the only normal one while being the most passively insane character ever . anyway june is so silly and i am going to name my tinkaton in pokemon sv after her . solid character i am obsessed with her .

[iwannaban0nym0us]

So, I’m back! The trip was really fun and we did a lot of cool outdoors activities (including a snowball fight which was so fun) but y’all get to hear the queer and emotional parts of the story

So, to start off, my grayfriend was supposed to go on this trip with me but got covid a couple days before and therefore couldn’t come. My grayfriend collects snow globes and was planning on buying (at least) one on the trip. I’m really happy because i was able to find one (that’s a frog (which must be gay) none the less) that I bought for them and will give to them in person as a gift next time I see them

Switching gears now; I’m really happy that I was passing most of the trip. I think almost every single one of the strangers and guides and such read me as a guy which was really awesome since I’m transmasc. Oh and also my ticket had my chosen name on it even though my name hasn’t been legally changed yet!!!

Ok, next part of the story—bathrooms, every trans (and particularly nonbinary) person’s worst nightmare when traveling. Before I get into what happened on the trip for context I came out at the very beginning of the school year and am pretty openly trans. I’m transmasc and I present really masculine, despite the fact that I’m not a binary guy. This makes figuring out which bathroom to use really hard. At school it’s much easier since there’s gender neutral bathrooms (however out of the way they may be) while only like 3 places on the trip had that option.

I’m pretty sure that once we got on the bus for the first time every time I used the bathroom I ended up using either a gender neutral bathroom or the men’s room which is still kinda insane for me to believe. What I discovered during the trip is that girls I know even a little bit don’t question me if I go in the women’s room, while guys I know only a little bit give me weird looks in the men’s room but guys I know decently well are chill if I use the men’s room. Whereas when it comes to strangers I didn’t get a single weird look in the men’s room the whole trip while the like 2 times I used the women’s room at the airport I had 2 different people walk in see me and then turn around and look to see if they were in the right restroom. Which I guess means I’m passing but also really sucks because that gesture feels like them saying that I don’t belong there, and if I don’t belong there where do I belong? 

Given all of that information you’d probably think it’s an easy decision and I should just use the men’s room, right? Wrong. I don’t have a stp nor do I really want one which means that I can’t use a urinal. The problem with the men’s room is that it’s a toss up if there will be enough stalls for there to be one open for me to use. While in the women’s room I know there’s only stalls and if all the stalls are busy it’s normal to wait in line for them.

I did end up choosing the men’s room most of the time, partly because I went to the bathroom with guy friends and at least at the beginning of the trip I was not confident enough to go into any bathroom alone, and partly because I don’t know if I could of have taken any more of those questioning looks from random women. Surprisingly I think I only ran into the problem of all of the stalls being full like twice and one of those times was at the airport on the first day where I just ended up using the women’s room so idk if that one really counts.

Also it drove me crazy that our bus driver would constantly say things like ‘ladies and gentlemen’, ‘boys and girls’, ‘men and women’ and so on since he basically implied that I don’t exist.

Alright, last point, I think. So my crush who’s a cis guy on the boy’s soccer team and the programing sub-team on the robotics team went on the same trip as me. Before the trip I knew him maybe a bit better than someone who I’m not friends with but like have classes with. The first day or so I was way too nervous to do much more than say hi to him even though he was sitting across the aisle from me on the bus. I told my grayfriend about this and vae tried to hype me up and give me a little bit of their confidence but it didn’t work that day. 

Since none of my crushes friends were on the trip he ended up rooming with one of my friends and like through that I slowly started to talk to and hang out with him more. By the end of the trip I think I may be at the point where I could consider him a friend, or at least pretty close to one. Conversations with him don’t feel one sided at all anymore and he’s started initiating conversations with me instead of purely the other way around. Also like we were in the same group for most of the activities on the last like 2 days, including him sitting behind me when we went rafting and doing a trail run together (along with a few other friends).

Also because he spent a lot of time with my guy friends I also spent a bunch of time with (like purely) my guy friends which was super euphoric.

Overall I feel like the trip was a pretty big success for me as a transmasc mspec gay.

[neitimatch]

So Basically a fanfiction idea

So, this’ll be basically just rambling. Since I got an idea for BNHA fic after reading some and decided to write it somewhere, even though I might never actually write it, seeing as I’m already swamped with buncha stories along with work etc. This’ll have trans headcanons and femslash.

Oh well, here we go:

Magne and Midnight both survive but neither of them are in good shape. There might be some timeline differences since I want both Magne and Midnight at the same hospital at the same time.

On Magnes case, the villains realize that they need to get her to hospital or she would surely die. So they show her up at the hospital and she ends up in the heroes custody. She will be in a coma for few months and then wake up. Some time goes past and none of the villains come to visit her cause, duh, they would just get caught. Until one of the guards acts differently than normally and they turn out to be Toga. She tells Magne about all their plans that they are going to bust her out and she’ll come with them and they will be whole family again. But Magne isn’t nearly as enthused and just tells Toga that it would be safer to just leave her here. The heroes would surely have a way to track her by now and she doesn’t want to put rest of the League in danger. Then Toga is like:

“You are the heart of the League, Big Sis, you can’t just give up. I- we can’t just give up on you.”

And then Magne, in big sis fashion, puts a hand on Togas shoulder and just tells her that her number one priority is to keep them all safe now. Toga cries but accepts that this is what Magne wants.

Then Midnight ends up in the same hospital in really bad shape. Izuku wants to go see her but Inko is a bit iffy, fearing that since Midnight is in such a bad shape the villains would just come and stab her or something and Izuku would be hurt too. So she tags along(Don’t question it, it’s mom instinct and even if your child could level down buildings it’s still mom’s instincts to try to protect them.) 

When they come to the hospital, Aizawa is there, just leaving to go see Magne. Though he doesn’t tell that to Izuku. The moment Midnight(referred as Nemuri from here on out) sees Inko, she is immediately smitten. She answers and talks with Izuku while low-key flirting with Inko. Inko though, in a fashion, is oblivious.

These two, Inko and Izuku visiting Midnight and Toga Magne every week, continue for a little over a month, until they happen at the same time.

Toga visits Magne, but when she’s leaving, she decides that it would be fun to see what kind of other patients there are in the building and maybe stab them a whole bunch. She goes through some who all seem boring, but then she comes to Midnights room and sees Izuku and Inko there with the hero. She is really happy at first, since Izuku is there, and she reasons that Inko will be as good as Izuku since she is his mom. Toga is about to make her move but she sees Inko hugging a crying Izuku and something in her just snaps and she stops. She keeps looking at the scene and feeling something. Usually it would be jealousy or hatred, because of her parents. But now she just feels longing. 

Toga stands there and doesn’t even realize when her disguise disappears, she just keeps looking at them. Izuku then proceeds to see her and goes full on protective mode. But Toga doesn’t do anything, she just keeps staring. Inko realizes what Izuku is looking at and goes to confront the girl, not listening to Izukus pleas to stay, since this silent staring Toga seems much scarier than the normal insnae one.

Inko and Toga look at each other while Izuku is like: Get away from her, she is insane, the more she likes someone the more likely she is to stab them, I should know!

But then realizes that Toga is not looking Izukus way, she is just silently staring at Inko. She brings up her hand and just keeps it towards Inko.

And then she starts crying. And backs off.

Inko feels Toga’s pain and is like: If you want, we can talk more tomorrow evening if you come to my place.

Toga looks back and nods and Izuku is going nuts.

Toga meets Inko next evening as Izuku is at U.A. She is completely reserved at first. But when Inko asks what happened to her next to Nemuris room, she just starts sobbing but also telling her story. How her family hated her, how heroes turned a blind eye when she was thrown out. How all of the people who tried to help just tried to force Quirk suppressants on her. That everyone, until she joined the League, just saw her as something that needed to be fixed, none who accepted her fully. She tells Inko that not her Quirks power, but that she needs blood. She is basically a vampire so her mental state will deteriorate if she goes without for too long.

Inko at the end, while Toga is just having a break down and sobbing, is hugging the girl and is like: Imma adopt her!

Next morning, while Toga is still sleeping at Izukus bed after crying herself to sleep, Inko goes to Nemuri, who she has started low-key dating(they are putting it off until Nemuri gets released). She tells her about what Toga told her and Nemuri is like: They won’t let you adopt her since they see her as a danger and don’t think you are strong enough to have her at house arrest. She will also take this surprisingly well, seeing as she saw Toga when she was at the hospital thing. She then tells crying Inko that she’ll do her best. Nemuri is then released the next day.

Though before she leaves the hospital, Nemuri goes with Aizawa to talk to Magne. And she asks AIzawa to leave so she can talk with Magne girl-to-girl. Nemuri tells Magne about Toga situation, and at first Magne is really scared for her little sis, but then Nemuri asks what she would give to have Toga safe, and Magne is like: Literally anything as long as it doesn’t hurt her chosen family(aka the league).

Nemuri is not really that happy, but Magne tells her that while they would most likely not gain Leagues secrets, they would still get two high ranking away form there. Nemuri then decides to make a deal with Magne: Toga will be safe and so will she, but Magne needs become a trans-advisor to U.A. and take Quirk suppressants, she will also be allowed to transition medically(since she wasn’t allowed before due to being a villain). Toga would go to U.A. to study to be a hero and they would keep an eye on both of them there.They would not ask for Leagues secrets, but one misstep from either of them and they’ll both go to jail for the rest of their lives. Magne agrees.

Nemuri ends up adopting Toga(Now Kayama Himiko, referred to as Himiko from here on out.) Nemuri tells Inko what had happened who is extremely happy. Himiko takes the adoption and and deal really well, though she is sad that she can’t go to play with the other League members anymore. She is somewhat weary of her new mother, who is also weary of her, but after few weeks they get along fine, though Himiko refuses to call Nemuri mom and just sticks to first name.

Meanwhile Izuku is having a mental breakdown in school, as they have started to question their gender. It started with a party they had hosted where all girls had boys uniforms on and boys girls, and Izuku realized they really enjoyed having a skirt on. The first idea that they came to was that they were a cross dresser, but it just didn’t sit well, so they started to do some research. Then they had a talk with Aizawa, who contacted Tiger, thinking  Izukuthat he would know way more about gender issues than a sleep-deprived professor. Izuku and Tiger talk, but seeing as Tiger is a trans man, while he can understand and give advice, he also advices Izuku to ask more from a trans woman. Izuku is more confident after the talk, and few days later Aizawa tells the class that they have a new gender-advisor and Izuku goes to immediately meet her, aka Magne, gets scared seeing the ex-villain, but after a bit calms down and they talk. Magne snarks a lot but as Izuku continues to be truthful and looking kinda scared of themselves, Magne starts to feel the old big sis powers kicking in, and she talks with Izuku seriously, at the end they both feel much better, Magne even telling Izuku to come back whenever they wish if they need. Few days later Izuku goes back to Magne and tells her that they are indeed, a trans woman(Referred from now on as Izu, and later on Izumi), Magne then advices Izu that she needs to do what is best for her, telling people she fully trusts first and going from there. Izu acknowledges this and thanks Magne, who is then like: Just call me Big Sis.

Izu tells Ochako, who is first little bit lost but the full on supportive, she also tells Tsu whojust smiles and is like: Kero.

Few months go by and Himiko has started to call Nemuri: Mama or Mama Nemuri. She is not really that much different, but with steady supply of blood now granted to her, she has lost her bloodlust. She also, since Nemuri and Inko are dating, calls Inko: Mommy. The school year is also coming to an end and Nemuri decides to propose to Inko, who says yes and they move in together.

When the year finally ends, Izu shows up at her home, with her support group ready as she is going to tell Inko about her being trans. Her support group consists of Todoroki, Ochako and Tsu. Though what she does not know is that Nemuri and Inko have moved in together, so when the door opens and out bursts Kayama Himiko, yelling: Big bro Izuku, not only does Izu get bad dysphoria, but also is just scared about Himiko being here. Himiko then proceeds to be like: Since we are siblings now my love for you is purely platonic!

And Izu is like: Thank god, I’m straight so it would have just ended in heartbrea... wait what siblings!?!?!

Himiko then proceeds to jump Ochako, who catches her in a bubble and they squabble a little. The group then goes inside and Nemuri and Inko tell whats up, Himiko is contantly clinging on Ochako, who has stopped trying to force the girl away since she would just come back anyway. Izu then asks to talk with Inko privately and tells her mom about her being trans. Inko is totally just like: I HAVE TWO DAUGTHERS NOW, AWESOME!!!

Like, WAY, too excited but it makes Izu feel better, Izu also tells her mother that she will go by Izumi from now on. After they talk and cry a bit Izumi goes back to her friends and Inko gets Himiko and Nemuri and tells them whats up. Nemuri has a small shock but gets over it really quickly and just can’t seem to stop smiling. Himiko on other hand completely flies of the fucking flip, not because Izumi was trans, she had Big Sis Mag after all, but because she remembered that she had misgendered her at the door. Himiko literally LAUNCHES herself at Izumi and just keeps telling her how sorry she is, with full on teateristics and all. Izumi just smiles and tells her that she didn’t know and its okay now. Todoroki leaves for his home during night after a romantic? farewell with Izumi.

Next day the girls go to shop new clothes for Izumi, they have bunch of money as Nemuri had been like: Take my money and use as much as you like, my new daughter needs clothes, dammit!

And they bring home a total haul. Some lazing around clothes(Tsu) Casual clothes(Ochako) and erotic clothes(Himiko, who constantly kept telling Izumi how much Todoroki was going to like them later on.)

When the school starts again, Izumi goes in with girls uniform and informs all of her changes, while most people are fine there are some, mainly Bakugou, who is not very kind at the beginning(He will warm up and stop being a transphobe later on and become the cool Aniki type) and the the class pervert(who keeps asking about literally everything trans related and asking for Izumi to perv for him. Don’t worry, he’ll get kicked out from U.A. or just dies somewhere and nobody cares)

After few weeks of school, Magne calls Izumi to talk with her(She has been on hormones for months now and lost muscle mass. She looks like a ripped lady now with all working parts(Yes I know this is not how it works at the moment at our world, sadly, but this is a fantasy world and it can have super effective hormone treatment, dammit), she tells Izumi that she can start her medical transition. So Izumi starts.

During the fall break, Nemuri and Inko have their wedding and Himiko and Izumi are going to be the flower girls. Bunch of the students attend. Later during the reception, Bakugou meets Izumi and asks her for a dance. Izumi agrees but only after her boyfriend, Shoto Todoroki, had promised to keep an eye on them the whole time. Bakugou apologizes to Izumi and while they don’t immediately go back to being friends(years of abuse plus transphobia, not gonna be easy) they start being more civil towards each other with hope that maybe later on they can be friends again.

Meanwhile Ochako has finally decided to act on her feelings and show Himiko who is the top of their relationship. Himiko is is more than happy with this development as they keep kissing outside the reception. Nemuri and Inko, who had asked before Izumis thoughts on the matter, finally tell their daughters that Izumi is now legally Nemuris adopted daughter, and that her and Inkos last names have been changed to Kayama.

Epilogue:

Inko and Nemuri are happily together, loving their children and grandchild.

Himiko and Ochako have a daughter and are engaged. Ochako is overly protective mom and Himiko is the 'cool' mama.

Shoto and Izumi are married and Izumi is pregnant.(Fantasy Woooooorrrrld~~)

[pluviophile-bookworm]

Understanding and acceptance: a short story consisting of things that actually happened

[A/N: I was on the phone with my mum and she told me that I seem to be in a creative mood and that I should write something. I decided to kill two birds with one stone and share a personal story while also writing it as if it’s fiction. So here goes.]

Word count: 2K

-- 2 weeks ago --

It’s a quiet Saturday evening. My brother Max and I are walking home together, deep in conversation. I have no memory of what the conversation had been about when it started, but I do remember that it somehow got to this:

‘...all this assuming you’re straight, of course, and I’m not assuming anything--’

‘What does being straight mean?’ Max says in a tone that tells me he genuinely doesn’t know. So I feel obligated to explain it in the simplest terms possible. ‘Well, in your case it would mean that you, a boy, like girls.’

‘Well, that’s the normal thing for any person!’ He nearly cuts me off with this. I calculate my next step carefully.

‘Not every person,’ I say, keeping my voice as calm as possible. ‘I’m not straight.’ Of course, he knows that. I came out to my whole family at once three years ago, hoping for the awkward discussions to be over with that. It hasn’t worked out quite as I envisioned it yet.

‘Yeah, but you’re not normal either,’ Max parries. Can’t argue with that. Lucky for me, that is when we reach the front door and each one goes off to mind their own business.

I know very well just how ‘not normal’ I am. Not in that cliche ‘I’m not like other girls’ way, but in a way that causes Bulgarians undereducated on mental health and identity labels (which is unfortunately most people over 30) to brand a person clinically insane, unstable, a threat to the Traditional Bulgarian Family™. Being aroace and having severe social anxiety and ADHD to top it off, I hardly classify as ‘normal’. This is a frequent cause for arguments at the dinner table at home, most of which end in a. tears and/ or a panic attack on my part, b. my father storming off and pretending to be asleep whenever someone goes to call him back to dinner, c. my brother gluing himself to his phone, leaving his plate half-untouched, d. my mother crying over ‘what kind of mother am I that I can’t even have my family together at the table once’, and usually e. all of the above. 

For this scenario to play out, however, the whole family of four is required to be present. So fortunately it only happens every other weekend when Dad and I come back home from the capital, where we have been living for the better part of three years now, ever since he got promoted and I started uni. When I’m away from my loving but over-controlling mum and my brother, who seemed to become obnoxious overnight the moment he turned 13 a little over a year ago, I usually have significantly fewer reasons to cry or feel anxious about... you name it. So we do fine. For the most part.

-- this evening --

I am watching Joe and Frankie’s performance of A Whole New World for the thousandth time today when I get a text from Mum.

Mum: How’s my girl doing?

Mum: I haven’t been able to hear from you with all the fuss about your brother.

Max is at that point in his education where he’s applying for high schools. His exam results have just come in and now everyone in the family is stressing about whether his scores will be enough to get him into the school he wants to go to. It’s a big deal, but with all the Rodfini magic going on (and with how terribly behind I am on my internship assignment) I have just been completely unable to care.

Speaking of Rodfini and A Whole New World, I have been repressing the instinctive urge to send my mum the video all day, and when I get her texts, I almost nearly muster up the courage to do it. But between me and her, this is not something you do over text. So I give her a ring instead. 

When she picks up, the sound of her voice combined with the anxiety over what I want to tell her makes me tear up and the words are stuck in my throat. 

‘Erm-- Mum, can I tell you something?’ I say, still not sure if I’m not about to regret taking up the subject at all.

‘Dear, you know you can tell me anything,’ she says, sounding concerned at my obviously-trying-to-swallow-tears voice.

‘You mean it?’ I ask, listening to her tone to make sure. I wish I could read tones better. ‘Anything?’

‘Is something wrong, honey?’ Oh gods, she’s in a really benevolent mood. I grow more and more afraid of ruining that with my ‘obsession with gays’. 

‘Erm, so I guess you should know Dad and I had the tiniest disagreement just now,’ I say, deciding last minute to start with something she might deem ‘more relevant to the family’s personal lives’. ‘You know, we were watching the Euros and then the match ended and we watched the news, and then Dad changed the channel so he could watch the next match. And I was like ‘whoa, what’s with the video quality’, and so dad was like ‘you really need go get your eyes checked out’; and I tried to explain that there was a very obvious difference in quality between the two channels, and he kept yelling at me that I was ruining my eyesight spending all day staring at a screen.’

‘Did he sound annoyed or just concerned?’ Mum asks me.

‘I know what you’re thinking. And I know full well that he’s my parent and he’s concerned about my health. But you should have heard his tone.’

‘So are you two in a fight now?’

‘No. Well, I don’t know.’ I really don’t. It’s hard to tell when one side of the argument refuses to talk about his feelings as if that will kill him. But I don’t tell Mum that. She’s been dealing with Dad since long before I was even planned, so she knows him better than I do. ‘The thing is, he called me back and said that, well, one of the channels was HD and the other was not, so there was indeed a difference, but he thought it was ‘unnatural’ that I was able to register it so immediately, and he kept insisting there was something wrong with my eyes. I should think that seeing something quickly would be a sign of good vision, not bad. Besides,’ I keep talking, nearly  desperate to justify myself, ‘I did some research and sensitivity to light is a symptom of ADHD. So it’s nothing new, really.’

‘Oh, please, dear. You’re of a new generation, and ADHD is something of the older generation. Don’t be so quick to self-diagnose.’

I guess there’s some reason to what she says, or at least the last part of it, so I give up on pursuing the subject further. ‘Yeah, anyway,’ I say, ‘I just thought it was all a bit rich coming from the man who refuses to wear his prescription glasses. I haven’t got any prescription glasses, you know.’

I don’t want to come off too cheeky because I still want to try and talk to her about how happy Rodfini have made me today. A while ago, Mum would accuse me of only calling her to complain when I was unhappy, so I have since made it a point to call her when I am happy and tell her so. That’s why I’ve been itching to share this with her. And now the time has come.

‘You know, I’ve been crying in a completely different way today,’ I begin tentatively. ‘A good way, A really, really good way,’ I add quickly before she can get worried again.

‘Yeah? So what was it that made you so happy that you cried?’ Goodness, there’s no turning back now. I decide to proceed with caution.

‘Oh, well, it was this performance, you know. A really beautiful song. So I’ve been wanting to show it to you, but I was worried about how you’d react.’

‘And why would that be?’ she asks in the same kind tone that keeps making me anxious about potentially ruining everything.

‘Well, erm...’ I feel myself start to stutter. ‘See, it’s a love song, and it’s... ok, I’ll just say it. It’s sung by two guys. As in, a couple, you see.’ I keep feeling up the ground with my words, anxious to hear her reaction. It’s like when I’m opening an exam result -- I want to know, but I’m too scared to look. And so now, in my anxious despair to know what she thinks about it, I miss the beginning of her response. ‘And I know how you are about those things, so I...’ I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’ve done my thing again. I’ve kept talking so much that she hasn’t even been able to react audibly. So I trail off, determined to let her speak this time.

‘Ok, but... why do you get so affected by those things?’ Mum says, starting to sound suspiciously like she’s about to question my own orientation again. I feel the need to justify myself for the second time since the conversation has started.

‘Well, it’s just that... I really wish you would just see them, Mum. If you could just see how they look at each other, you’d see that there’s just love. So much love. And joy at being able to express themselves as they are.’

I’m speaking from the heart now. I am finally letting out how much I want her to give them a chance because she deserves to see and hear their magical performance. She must be sensing the anguished sincerity in my voice as I finally manage to stop crying and I smile through the tears, because she says, ‘Dear, are you... are you trying to tell me something there?’

I sigh. She’s asked me this question nearly every time I’ve started speaking ‘too’ passionately about anything LGBTQ+ Which isn’t an awful lot in her presence, but there have been several occasions. Once about Solangelo, at the beach. Once about NPH and his husband David and their children, at the dinner table, as I was trying to explain how same-sex couples can have kids; that one resulted in a seriously bad scene of the type I described earlier. Once about a participant in a reality show who identified as a gay man then, but has recently come out as a trans woman; whenever she’s been mentioned on television, I’ve fought to repress my inner urge to express my happiness for her and the representation she is for the Bulgarian LGBTQ+ community. I wonder even now if my parents have noticed my silence on the subject -- because they certainly do notice when I am not silent.

So now, when the time seems to have come for me to set things straight about my non-straight-ness (bad pun very much intended), I try my best to keep my voice from shaking. ‘I’m not trying to tell you anything I haven’t already told you, Mum. Really.’

‘Are you perhaps attracted to the same gender, dear?’ It seems so unbelievable that she’s said it, and even more that she’s worded like that, but she really has. I force myself to be calm and patient.

‘No, Mum. I’ve told you -- I am not attracted to any gender, be it male, female or anything else, really. You know that.’

‘Well, it sounded as if you--’

‘No, Mum. Really. But I do need you to understand that part of my identity is that I feel the need to support people with other identities different from straight. I’m happy for their successes. I'm concerned about their issues. They’re a sort of family to me. Do you understand that?’ I say, relieved to be speaking my truth at last. At the same time, I try to sound as reasonable and mature about the whole thing as possible. I don’t want to put her off, especially not now that I’m knee-deep in the subject already. I’ve gone too far to turn back now.

‘Yes, honey. Yes, I do. I just don’t want you to exert yourself emotionally, is all. Plus I’ve been so stressed out about your brother and all, you know...’

‘Yeah, I do know. And I know he’ll be fine. He’s a nice boy. I just wished he didn’t keep calling me ‘abnormal’ all the time...’

‘Oh, well, don’t listen to him. He’s been quite stressed out too. And he’s 14. It’s just how he is at this age.’

I’m not too sure about that. ‘Boys will be boys’. It’s ok for boys, then, to pour salt into their neurodivergent sisters’ wounds? I don’t think so. But I can’t fix every problem in one talk. Plus my mum sounds tired now.

So I just say, ‘I guess... Well, anyway, thank you so much, Mum. For hearing me out, and for supporting me, and for everything else. Please don’t worry so much.’

But I know she can’t not worry at all. I’ve got that from her.

‘If you’re sure you’re all ok now, dear...’

‘Yeah, mum, I am. Or I will be. You know, there’s this expression with English, ‘to run with something’. So I’ve been telling myself, I’ll at least try to walk with things. You know I’m not much of a runner anyway.’ I actually laugh, even though the pun is quite untranslatable into Bulgarian.

‘You know I’m proud of you, right?’

I know that has very little to do with the kind of pride I’ve been celebrating all month, but I say, ‘Of course I do. And you know what? I’m quite proud of myself, too.’ I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I mean it. I mean it wholeheartedly this time.

‘I’m nearly falling asleep, though, dear, so I say we call it a night?’

‘Good night, Mummy. And thanks.’

I hang up. Then I forward the video to her.

I’ve come so far, indeed. I reckon we both have.

[bangtanloverboys]

what are friends for // jhs

summary - it was a known fact that an effect testosterone has on some people includes being horny; thankfully, you have a friend to help you out

pairing - roommate/fwb!hoseok x transmale!reader

genre - smut, minor fluff at end; friends with benefits au

word count - 2.1k

warnings - mentions of masturbation and sex toys, showerhead masturbation, minor description of trans male genitalia, mentions of surgical scars, fingering kinda, daddy kink, minor nipple play, minor over stimulation, you are hoseok’s good boy, mention of male masturbation, aftercare

author’s note - this is my first submission for the BTS Ghostie Writer’s Bingo, for the tile “friends with benefits”, and i decided to do it as my first smut so. . .yay? i would also like to mention that in this fic, reader has been on testosterone for a while and after being on testosterone for a while there is such thing as bottom growth (i.e. the clitoris enlarges) so that is what i mean by “description of trans male genitalia”. if you’re a trans man reading this and are uncomfortable with things like that, i suggest you move on as i do not want you to risk becoming dysphoric. 

You wanted to bang your head against the wall and cry, your body was screaming for attention and touch. This was one of the few setbacks of being on testosterone, you were horny almost constantly or at random points throughout the day.

At first, you dealt with it a somewhat normal way. You would touch yourself when you were alone and that seemed to solve it for a while. Eventually though, you needed more. Your own hand wasn’t enough. You got a vibrator, then a dildo and soon those things too no longer felt satisfactory. That is until Hoseok came into the picture.

Hoseok was your college roommate, while initially you were a bit scared to come out to him. Coming out was always a scary thing, but when you already were passing as a cis guy, you didn’t want anyone to look at you any different. But when you eventually told Hoseok, he was very chill about it and was very supportive of you.

Quickly the two of you became fast friends, even deciding to live together in an apartment not far from the university you both attended. During this time, Hoseok was very understanding of your random shifts with hunger and hot flashes, what you tried desperately to keep away from him though was your horniness.

It really didn’t help that Hoseok was hot as hell, he was downright sinful in general. The way he did dishes, the way he studied in the library, hell the way he drove was hot and drove you bonkers. You tried all your methods previously to try and lose Hoseok from your mind, but none availed. You were ultimately fucked with a hot ass roommate and no full way to satisfy it. That is until he heard you one night.

You were per usual routine to try and jerk off while you assumed Hoseok was asleep, little did you know he could hear you from his room and you slowly drove him insane with your whimpers and moans. It wasn’t until you let his name slip from your lips a bit too loudly when you heard a “Fuck it” come from his room, when he opened the door to your room, his eyes dark and his stature was stiff. He made his way over to your bed and looked you dead in the eyes and gave you two options. One, come to him and let him help you get off. Or two, if you don’t want to, just be quiet.

That was the easiest choice you were ever given.

The past several months, you and Hoseok came to an agreement of whenever either of you were horny, you’d come to each other and it seemed to work out pretty swimmingly. Hoseok was everything you needed to keep you satisfied so you were happy and content.

But now, you were in a major predicament. He was out for the weekend and you were suffering now. While the two of you have fucked around a lot, you never knew was his boundaries came to for phone sex so in an effort to avoid that conversation on grounds that he didn’t want to, you didn’t call him. Or contact him in general because the mere thought of Hoseok right now had you squirming. 

In a last ditch effort to gain any sort of release, you decided to take a shower. Initially you were going to take a cold shower to possibly cool down but again your body betrayed you and put the water on hot. 

When you deemed the water ready, you stripped down and got into the shower. Instantly groaning as you felt the hot water flow down your body. Hoseok was away for barely 2 days and already you missed his touch, the warm water was barely making a good substitute for him but it was doable. As you stood there in the stream, you let your hands slowly travel around your torso. You let out a soft sigh as you lightly drag your fingers underneath your scars. 

Slowly you let your hand travel lower, and lower reaching your core. Your indeed finger swirled around your swollen nerve ending. Groaning at the sensation, you lean your head back and feel the water cascade down your chest. As you draw small circles over your nerve, you eye the shower head. . . Hmmm. . . 

You stop your ministrations and pull the removable showerhead from it’s hold. With the water closer to you, the water feels warmer and the stream is soothing against your skin. You move the shower head lower and closer to your heat. When you feel the water against you, you let out a loud moan. It may not be Hoseok, but it will do for now.

You lean back against the shower as you gently make circles around your core with the stream of water. When that no longer felt like enough, your thumb found the spray nozzle. With a couple turns, the steady stream of water came out faster. At the sudden change of pressure, you moaned even louder, bringing the shower head closer to you. After a few minutes of keeping the jet as close to your nerve as possible, you could feel yourself teetering on the line of an orgasm but it never comes. 

As you try your best to get yourself off, you barely hear the door to the apartment unlocking and your roommate calling out, “I’m home!”

Verging on tears, you call out for him, the lack of an orgasm. “Hoseoookk~” Through the frosted glass of the shower door, you can see the door to the bathroom open, cold air suddenly filling the steamy room. 

“Y/N? You okay there?” He calls out to you, not opening the door quiet yet. 

“No- Need you. . . needy Daddy. . .” With that simple word, you watched the figure in front of the glass change his demeanor. He straightened his shoulders and you watched as he started stripping from his clothes. 

When Hoseok opened the door to the shower, he was exposed to you still leaning against the wall, clutching the shower head to your bundle of nerves. “Oh did baby boy get into some trouble when I was away?” You nod to answer his question. “Aww, I’m sorry. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here to help you.” Hoseok said as he walked into the steaming chamber. You watched as he lowered his head to yours and captured your lips in a wet and sloppy kiss. You moan into the kiss as you take your free hand and thread it through his dark locks. 

Hoseok took the showerhead from you, causing you to whine as the pressure was removed from your core. He tsked at you, “Patience baby.” Immediately you shut up and took whatever he was planning to do to you. With now both of your hands free though, you keep your hands in his hair, keeping your hands snug, knowing he likes that. You can feel him smirk against your lips as you tugged on his hair.

Slowly but surely, he started paying attention to your enlarged nerve with his hand. Lightly pulling and fiddling with it between his thumb and index finger, causing you to moan against his lips. “More, please more.” Hoseok thankfully obliged by pressing more kisses to your jawline and throat. He removed his hand from you but quickly replaced it with the shower head, the quick change in pace sending waves of shock throughout your body. His head moved down your chest, leaving small love bites around your collarbones and shoulders. The heat in the shower plus the warmth of Hoseok’s body pressed against you cause you to feel sweat start to drip down the side of your face. 

“Baby boy is so worked up, can’t cum without Daddy’s help?” You heard him mumble before wrapping his lips around one of your nipples. You could feel his teeth bite down ever so slightly then lapping against it with his tongue in an effort to soothe the pain he caused. 

“No, need you. Always need you,” you cried in desperation as Hoseok brought the shower head closer and closer to where you needed him most. He moved the jetstream in small little circles, tightening the familiar coil in your gut. You were getting closer and he could tell, having his other hand snake behind you to give your ass a quick squeeze, pushing out another moan. 

“Are you gonna cum? Gonna cum like a good boy?” You heard him rasp from below you, you let your head fall down so you can look him in the eyes, giving him full view of your fucked out face.

“Yes, yes! I’m a good boy! I’m your good boy!” The words tumble out of your mouth as you feel the coil snap, your nerve endings quivering against the jet of water that continues to be pressed against you. Your grip on Hoseok’s hair tightens as he doesn’t remove the shower head, just listening to you cry and whine as you cum. As tears slowly start to fall from your eyes, you feel the jetstream be removed from your spent heat. Quickly as he can, you watch Hoseok turn off the water and pull you into his arms.

“Shh, it’s okay baby. You were so good. I’m so proud of you.” He pressed a kiss to the shell of your ear. He slowly led you out of the shower and sat you down on the toilet, obviously not trusting your legs to hold you up. He grabbed a towel to wrap around his waist then another one, a more fluffy one, and wrapped it around your shoulders, drying you off all while whispering words of affirmation and care.

Once you were mostly dry, Hoseok helped you into the T-shirt and boxers he stripped himself of when he entered the bathroom then led you towards your room. He laid you down on your bed, tucking you in and pressing a quick kiss to your cheek, saying he’ll be back in a moment. You gave a quick nod as you watched him leave. You could hear him bustle about in the kitchen as he poured a glass of what you can only assume is water and pulled something from the cabinet. When he returned he did indeed have a glass of water and a small tray of cookies. “Drink the water and nibble on the cookies, I’ll be right back alright.” He pressed another kiss to your forehead as you took a sip from the glass.

You followed his instruction and ate a few of the cookies, the sugar slowly waking you back up. You could hear the shower was on again and you were a bit confused as you thought he turned it off but after a split second you heard Hoseok let out a loud groan you realized what he was doing. You felt your face flush when you remembered that all of the attention was on you and you acted like a total pillow prince and not taking care of him in return. 

After a few more minutes, the shower turned off and you heard the patter of Hoseok’s feet come down the hallway and back towards your room. All he had on was a new pair of boxers as he walked back over to you and sat on the bed. “How are you doing, baby?” He asked, a small smile playing on his lips. 

“I’m good,” you gave him a nod, which widened his smile. 

“That’s good. Drink your water more, then go to bed okay?” He instructed as he sat up to go back to his room. 

“Wait,” you grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving.

“What is it?” He asked, concern evident in his dark brown eyes. 

“I didn’t take care of you. . .” you mumbled out, pouting a bit. 

Your comment got a chuckle out of Hoseok, “Baby, it’s okay. You needed me more than I needed you at that moment, okay?” To which you nodded, understanding. “Is there anything else you want?”

“Um. . .cuddle?” You purse your lips as you looked up at him. This got the man to smile, nodding as he moved over to the other side of your bed and got under the covers. Right away you snuggled right up next to him and sighed, the natural scent of him just calming you down. 

“Hand me a cookie will you,” he asked, to which it was your turn to laugh and you handed him one.

“Try not to get crumbs all over my bed.”

“I would never!”

[harleyhua-archive]

it’s elle again! took me longer than I thought it would, but i’m here with the bio of my second son, harley. he’s my newest oc; i’ve had him for about a year, but i didn’t get to rp much during that time. i’m fluent in asl, so harley has a special place in my heart. usually my gifs that include him signing won’t actually match the signs up to what he’s saying, but this one does. he’s signing ‘hello, my name is....’ so it felt like an appropriate intro post.

[ chella man, genderqueer trans man, 21, he/him ] did you see who just walked in? it was that JUNIOR, the ╳ + HARDWORKING AND  - DISORGANIZED ╳  one? you know, the one who lives at SONTHENA HALL, HARLEY HUA! i heard they are majoring in ART and they can’t wait to get out of here to BECOME AN ILLUSTRATOR.  crap! stop staring, here they come!

name. harley hua hometown. detroit, mi major. art (illustration) birthday. may 27th, 2000 gender. trans man, genderqueer orientation. pansexual religion. jewish languages. english, asl, some cantonese and french hobbies. cheerleading, drawing, comic books

[ BIO ] [ tw. gender dysphoria ]

harley was born hard of hearing, although it wasn’t discovered until he was six. his audiologist discouraged his parents from teaching him sign, saying he would stop talking and stunt his language skills, so he grew up using his hearing aid and filling in the gaps with lipreading.

his yearly hearing tests showed he was gradually going deaf. he kept getting stronger hearing aids and being able to catch less and less of what was happening around him. the expectation was that he would get better at reading lips, but that only got him so far (only 30% of the English language is visible on the mouth!)

he had been a social kid, but he slowly withdrew into art. there, he could create anything he wanted. he often drew superheroes, or just ‘regular’ civilians (usually men). for a few years, harley took a sketch book and at least three graphic pencils everywhere he went.

in middle school, harley was eligible for a cochlear implant. his parents urged for him to get implanted, but decided to let him make the decision himself. he found a way to compromise with them; he agreed to get the surgery, but in exchange his parents agreed to pay for him and his brother to take ASL classes.

once activated, the implant was an immediate change. the world sounded different through it than what harley remembered, but he could understand his teachers and classmates better than he had in a very long time. he was able to join in again, and went from the kid scribbling in a notebook alone to being very outgoing. once he was able to use an ASL interpreter in classes, his confidence and grades shot up.

in high school, harley was very popular. it didn’t take long for his friends to give him a makeover, convincing him to throw out his baggy tshirts and most of his jeans, in favor of more feminine pieces. mini skirts, heels and crop tops (at least, when he could sneak them past his parents). he grew out his short hair to better hide his cochlear implants, smiling and nodding when he couldn’t keep up in conversations instead of drawing attention to his deafness. for the first time in his life he fit in, and he didn’t want to remind people that he was different.

(tw: dysphoria) but something was different, and it wasn’t his cochlear implants or the fact he was one of the only asian kids at his predominately white high school. something about the way he looked bothered him. he would often stare at himself in the mirror, and he knew the girl staring back at him in the mirror was pretty, but he couldn’t connect with ‘her’. she felt like a completely different person, almost like a mask he wore despite not understanding why he ‘needed’ to wear it or why he felt so numb to his own body.

the huas weren’t really hurting for money, but sending two teenagers to college only a year apart would be tough for any family. harley didn’t want to put that kind of stress on his parents, so he focused on cheerleading scholarships. he toured suffolk because it has one of the best cheer programs in the country. it was a dream school, but he doubted they’d want him on their team, let alone offer him enough money that he could afford to attend. yet that’s exactly what happened, so harley accepted and moved to boston.

during his freshman year of college, he realized nobody cared what he looked like in college. many of his classmates showed up to lectures in their pajamas. he started experimenting with his clothes, trading out the feminine pieces he’d been wearing for the past four years and wearing the things he wanted to; androgynous and masculine pieces. at first he wasn’t so sure why it made him happy, he just knew it did.

(tw: dysphoria) harley had never paid much attention to the trans community. he certainly never thought of himself as trans or genderqueer. sure, he often felt like an alien stuck in someone else’s body, but he assumed that was normal - something every girl secretly felt. after joining his college’s gsa and meeting trans people for the first time and hearing their stories, it began to click. harley came out towards the end of his freshman year of college, and started transitioning a few months later. his parents didn’t try to stop him, but it’s clear they don’t understand. a small part of harley is bothered by this, but he doesn’t let it get him down. it took a long time for them to accept he was deaf, too, but they eventually came around. they’re just slow to accept changes. between that and their refusal to learn ASL, harley isn’t on the best of terms with them, but he doesn’t stop to let this get to him. 

overall harley is a very happy kid. he’s at his dream college, living his best life and preparing for the future he’s wanted since he was a kid

[ HEADCANONS ]

not wanting to take much money from his parents, harley works as a bartender three days a week at a popular bar near campus

if he’s not at work or in class, he’s either practicing cheer, working out at the student rec center, or at one of two coffee shops (one being the starbucks in his building, the other being an independent mom-and-pop cafe not far from campus)

he’s basically a jock villager from animal crossing. as stated before, he’s really into cheerleading. since getting his top surgery last summer he’s fallen in love with swimming. he also lifts weights and goes running a couple times a week with nadia.

harley is very busy, and his schedule is constantly fluctuating between working late nights and practices at any time of day. he’s pretty much always sleep deprived, and lives on an insane amount of coffee (he doesn’t like energy drinks).

harley’s preferred method of communication is asl. he uses interpreters in class and is involved with the deaf community in boston. but since most people on the squad only know a limited amount of sign, and other people he knows on campus don’t know the language at all, he often relies on the combination of his cochlear implant and lipreading to communicate. if he can’t hear with his cochlear implant (dead battery, too much background noise, etc) he won’t be able to understand enough by reading lips. but on the other hand, if he’s using his implant to communicate, watching the other person’s mouth helps him fill in the blanks.

[ WANTED CONNECTION ]

teammate // they do cheer together, so they spend a lot of time with each other

asl friends // harley prefers asl, so it would be great for him to have people to sign with!

regular customer // your character hangs out at the bar harley works at. conversely, they’re a bariste at one of the cafes harley is at multiple times a day

workout buddies // they lift weights together

rainbow family // in the queer community, they say you make your own family. harley doesn’t have a great relationship with his parents, and his brother is attending school on the west coast, so harley could use some lgbtq+ family in boston

comic book nerds // harley loves comic books. they were a major escape for him growing up and how he got into drawing in the first place. so maybe your character is also really into comic books, or they just share a passion for the mcu movies

[ FINAL NOTES ]

That’s all I got, but I’m open to almost anything with him. Looking forward to getting to explore him more here!

[adhdeancas]

Sunset Sound: Gallows Pole

In the midst of the Lawboy shitposting, a Sam-centric chapter to see what he got up to after Dean went to hell. Special thanks to my bro @friedchickenangelwings for keeping me in check forever and always, I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.

Sam sobs. He can’t help it; he can’t do anything else. His big brother’s body is impaled on the post in front of him, the ground is littered with beheaded bodies, and two little boys are crying outside somewhere in the dark. And he can’t stop crying.

“It’s not okay. It’s not!” 

He tries to take back those words that had made his brother leave, but Dean's chest doesn’t shudder back into life, and it won’t. It hangs there, heavy and lifeless, and it always will. Dean is dead. 

And for what?

When Sam’s head starts to pound from the tears, he finally takes breaths to calm himself. Common sense floods back into his head and overtakes his grief, and he pulls Dean’s body off the stupid rusty nail that killed him. He lowers him to the ground and closes his eyes, because he can’t bear to look at his dead stare any longer. 

He doesn’t want to leave the barn. He knows he has to, but he doesn’t want to leave his brother there all alone. That’s what Dean had always been most afraid of: being alone. He stands frozen to the spot for more minutes than he should, trying to reason with his grief. Finally, finally, he wins, and he turns around to see his breath in the air before him. Sam immediately gasps, another desperate sob coming from nowhere, because the night isn’t cold enough for that.

“Dean?” He screams it. “Dean!” It’s gotta be him, Dean’s a ghost, Dean’s here, Dean’s trying to talk to him. “Dean!” 

“No, I’m sorry, Sam.” Kevin Tran flickers to form in front of him, pity and sadness in his eyes. “But Dean’s okay.” 

Sam rubs his eyes. He thinks for a second he’s hallucinating again, that losing Dean for real broke down all the sanity he’d built over the years. “K-Kevin?” Though he didn’t know it was possible, his stomach takes yet another plunge, like a boulder has just been dropped on him. Kevin’s incorporeal form shakes into being the thought once more that he did that, his hands killed Kevin, he’s the reason Kevin is a ghost. He’s in a room with the corpse and untethered soul of two people he loves and two people he watched die.

As if sensing all the ways Sam is shaking apart, Kevin nods and starts to reach out before realizing it would be no use. “Yeah, Sam, it’s me.” 

“But- w-w why?” Sam curses his voice for failing him, curses the shaking that sobbing left him with, curses it because he needs to be strong now. For Dean. “Why didn’t you help us?” A ghost would’ve been a great thing to have in a fight! A ghost could probably, I don’t know, push Dean away from a deadly-sharp hook on the wall? If Kevin has been here, why- “Is Dean in the veil? Can he hear me? Dean!” 

Kevin throws a gust of air in his face to get his attention, and it hits Sam like a slap. He looks back at the ghost, wideyed. Kevin looks apologetic. “I don’t have a lot of time, but you need to calm down. Seriously.”

“I can’t calm down-”

“No, Sam, you need to calm down.” Kevin looks upward nervously, as if he’s expecting to see some big figure raise the roof of the barnhouse up and peek down at them. “I’ll explain, but first thing you need to know is: Dean’s dead. He’s in heaven, and he’s in trouble.” 

---------------------------

Sam drives the Impala at exactly the speed limit, eyes dried to the point of aching. Dean’s wrapped body is sprawled out in the back seat, and if Sam just glances in the rearview mirror he can almost pretend he’s just passed out. Just had one too many shots of Cuervo and conked out so his little brother can drive. Sure. Whatever gets you through the night. 

Dropping off the kids was easy. Traumatized kids don’t say much, don’t ask too many questions, and they’ll forget the shellshocked stranger that saved them soon enough. Either that or he will haunt their nightmares, but Sam can’t help that. He can’t help anyone at this point, covered in dirt and blood and exhausted. He drives out to the middle of the forest anyway, Kevin’s words on a loop in his head. 

“You have to be normal. Chuck can’t want to watch you at all. So just play into his game. Pretend to only care about Dean, get out of the life, settle down.”

Sam had frowned, Eileen instantly springing to his mind. Surely he can care about her, right? “But-” 

“No, Sam, I’m sorry. Dean told me to tell you that Eileen… it’s just too dangerous. He likes you two. He’s gotta hate your life so much he doesn’t want to see it. It’s gotta bore him.” 

So Sam burns his brother's body in a forest alone, with only Miracle for company. There’s a dagger in his chest that tells him he’s betraying everyone he cares about, including Dean. Dean wanted a big funeral. He wanted his whole family there, not just his brother and a dog. And Eileen. There are three unread texts and a missed video call from Eileen already. Apparently Kevin hadn’t visited her yet. To let her know. 

It doesn’t take Sam long to leave the bunker. It just feels like a punch to the gut at this point. That table over there, carved with their family’s names, that’s where he and Dean swore they’d be free. They swore they’d get everything they wanted and everything they deserved. And now Sam has one pillow on his bed and an empty bunker full of the possessions of dead people. 

He knows there is a plan. He knows that. And it should comfort him, but it doesn’t, because he still has to live his long, boring, lonely life without the woman he loves or the family he misses or the brother he mourns. Time on Earth is torturously slow. 

The small things make the ache in his heart just a little lighter. He finds a job he likes, teaching history and the classics to teenagers. He remembers his old English teacher, and he tries to be that to kids that need it, kids that remind him of Claire or Jack. He gets to see Jody and the girls once every few years, a risk that he knows is worth it because it keeps him going. He can’t see Eileen. It would hurt too much. They both agreed the one time they called. He keeps learning ASL anyway, and he tells the story of him and Eileen meeting (slightly modified) to the kids in his class. 

He finds a wife. It was one of the things he put off, but after three years he knows he has to get on with it or he’ll get depressed. He needs someone, even if she is boring and too-nice and entirely too gullible. She’s nice and he’s good to her, but he can’t love her because she’s not real. Not in the way that Eileen is. She might as well be a blurred out mother figure action doll, for all she knows. And he hates himself for marrying her, when she deserves someone who finds her boringness interesting, but he knows this is what Chuck expects. He expects Sam to marry a nice woman and have a kid named Dean and grow old always hurting for the old times. Oh, and Sam does. 

He’d rather be back in the pit with Lucifer than this domestic djinn dream, but he reminds himself every day that someday they’re going to get rid of Chuck and then he’ll be able to live. Dean too. Cas too. And Jack. Sam’s going to kill that son of a bitch if it’s the last thing he does, living or dead. And it looks like it’ll be dead.

His fiftieth birthday has come and gone when Kevin finally comes back. The lights in Sam’s classroom flicker and go out, and then Kevin is there, chest heaving. He runs to the chalkboard and picks up a piece of chalk, and Sam’s talking as he writes. 

“Kevin, how’s Dean? Any updates on what’s happening in heaven? Is Chu-Jack okay?”

Kevin turns around, irritated, until he sees the look on Sam’s face. “Yeah, listen, everything is… fine. We’re working on it. Look, the important thing is that you get these ingredients-” he points to the chalkboard, “and perform the spell. But listen, it’s gotta be next week. Friday. There’s a full moon, it’s… you gotta make it happen.” 

Sam’s eyes bulge. “Friday? Kevin, what the hell, a little notice would be nice! How am I supposed to get-” he looks past him to the hastily written ingredients. “These ingredients are insane! It’lll take me weeks just to fly around the fucking world to grab them!” 

Kevin throws his hands up, looking almost as stressed as Sam. “Listen, man, we’re doing our best up there! Time is fucked up and we’re trying to be sneaky and it is a lot of pressure!” he finally takes a deep breath, which seems to help. “I’m sorry, I know it’s too much to ask, but we have no choice. Call a witch friend for the ingredients, summon Rowena and let her in on the plan. It’s Friday or never.” 

He flickers out before Sam can even reply. Apparently the stress and talking like that took too much out of him. Sam’s left alone to say “Sorry,” to an empty classroom. He sits down heavily at his desk and runs a hand through his graying hair. 

He copies down the ingredients and the spell and it’s then that he knows he definitely needs help. Luckily, he knows who to call. 

The phone rings so long Sam thinks about hanging up, but he picks up just before he can. “Sam!” Max sounds winded, and the first thought that enters Sam’s head is not appropriate for the occasion. 

“Hey Max, you got a second? You’re not…” busy? Jesus, Sam is blushing.

Max laughs. “Nah, you’re good, man. What’s up?” 

God, to speak to someone who understands his life again. To really get to talk to them. “Uh, it’s kinda not the kind of thing to talk about over the phone. Can I drive to you?” 

---------------------------------------

“Hey, Rowena,” 

Sam’s natural state is apparently social awkwardness now. Dean would say that had always been true… No, not the time to get sidetracked with that sad shit. He shuffles his feet again and adjusts a candle, waiting for Rowena to appear. He’s fifty fucking years old. He’s fine.

“Hello, dearie.” 

Sam grins at her, but is once again met with the sad eyes Kevin always gives him. “Fuck, can everybody stop with the dead brother horrible life shit?” She doesn’t look taken aback, no that’s not Rowena. She looks more like a school principal that just got told off by an 8th grader, surprised and a little offended. Sam softens a little bit. “Sorry, I just- listen, I get it, okay? My life is fucked up and it’s all a lie to beat God, I know. Can we move past that and get back to the saving the world stuff?” 

A slow smile spreads across Rowena’s face, and she pats him on the cheek. “There she is. Hello, Samuel.” 

Sam rolls his eyes. “Hi Rowena, how are you?” 

“Oh, just dandy. Tamped down a few ne’er-do-wells, not a problem. Being worshipped every day is hard work, but I manage, somehow.” 

“I’m sure. ‘Jack’ giving you any trouble?” 

She waves a dismissive hand. “I’ve barely seen the boy since he took over. Apparently he’s much more interested in watching his little short films in heaven than anything down below…” Sam’s got a question on his lips but she waves that away too. Too little time to explain the intricacies of eternal family drama that heaven is currently. “It doesn’t matter. I have free reign, which means I can pop in for our little soirees.” 

Sam nods, grateful that that’s true at least. He hands her the list of ingredients and the spell and watches as she studies it. “Problem?” 

“Hm. No, I can do that.” She looks up brightly at him. “I’m the greatest witch of all time, Samuel. I’m more worried about how you will accomplish it.” She looks down at his summoning ritual and bends down to correct a chalk mark with her finger. “You’re a wee bit rusty.” 

Sam scoffs. He’s missed this. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I called up my friend Max, Max Banes. He’s going to help me out.” 

“Max Banes? Hm.” For a second, Sam thought he saw something flash across Rowena’s face.

“What?” 

“Nothing.” She shrugs it off. “I’ve heard of the witch, that’s all. He’ll be good help for you, I’m sure. Now, Samuel, if you’ll excuse me… Underworlds to run and all that.” She steps away, but Sam stops her before she can disappear again.

“Wait!” He hugs her tightly. She only resists for a moment before she returns the hug, a light tap on his shoulder. “Thank you, Rowena.” 

“Of course, Samuel. Until next time.” 

She’s gone with a puff of smoke and Sam is left hugging air.

tag list (ask to be added or removed):

Tag list: @dochunterwitch  @justonecitizenoftheearth @gnbrules @purpe @castiel-is-a-cat @alienapparatus @damian-janus-pendragon

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (12)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.2k (this chapter), 38.7k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

"You really don't know how to use chopsticks at all, huh?"

Phil ignores Dan's quiet, amused voice to keep attempting capture of the elusive sashimi. Eventually, he gives up and picks it up with his fingers. He pops it in his mouth and looks at Dan, despite all his common sense telling him it's a bad idea.

It's definitely a bad idea. The lighting is lower than in the coffee shop, tinged warm by the candles around the place - thankfully, none of them are on the table where Phil might accidentally elbow one and set the place ablaze - and Dan is sitting right across from him with shiny, smiling lips and dark, sparkling eyes. Phil reminds himself that this is not a date, that he wouldn't ask Dan on a date. Because Phil dates guys.

Well, not so much of the dating anyone at all thing as of late, but the point stands. Phil likes men and he likes everything that's classically attached to men, and he's not really interested in examining his sexuality in further detail at this point in his life. Still. Here Dan is, giggling at his attempts to wrangle sushi and asking about the footage corruption like it genuinely matters to them. Their feet keep knocking into Phil's own, because the table is small and both of them have Slenderman leg proportions. It also keeps happening because Dan seems to have a very hard time sitting still.

Their foot taps along to a beat that doesn't match the soft music over the speakers and their hands gesticulate with every question they ask, every story they tell. It's like they have a day's worth of energy that they've been building up while sitting in a lecture and making Phil a bunch of hot drinks.

"My family aren't big on going out to eat," Phil says, wondering how many times Dan's foot needs to bump his own before he can make a joke about playing footsie. "You're lucky I know how to use a fork and knife."

Dan giggles again. Phil loves the sound of that so much more than he thinks he should be allowed to.

"Lucky me," Dan teases, reaching for Phil's ginger with their own deft chopsticks. Phil considers batting them away, maybe engaging in a chopstick swordfight, but then he remembers that they're in public. "I guess my family didn't go out to eat much either, but that was more about the lack of money than anything else."

For a moment, Phil doesn't know how to respond to that. He's never quite known how to react when people drop things like that in casual conversation. Dan doesn't seem to notice his hesitation, because they're too busy stealing some of Phil's edamame.

"My mum just thought nobody could cook as well as she did," Phil jokes, pulling his edamame closer to him protectively. "At least, that's what she told us. I think she just couldn't be bothered wrangling us."

"You've got siblings?" Dan asks. They sound genuinely interested in the answer.

It's not a date, Phil reminds himself. They're friends, and Dan just wants to get to know him better.

"I've got an older brother," says Phil. "So it was just the two of us, but I've often been told we were frustrating enough for ten."

Dan laughs. "I can imagine. I mean, I don't know your brother, but I bet you started poking your head where it didn't belong a long time before you started getting paid for it." Their foot nudges Phil's again, but this time it seems like it's on purpose. "Bet you were a handful - I know I was. My brother was easy, I think. I was there for most of it, I guess, and he never caused nearly as much trouble as I did, but I think we were head to head in the annoying race."

"I have been informed that I could be a bit of a handful."

"Shocker."

Phil gives in to the urge of doing something silly and tosses an edamame bean at Dan's face. There's no staff looking at them that he can see, and it makes a lovely peal of laughter burst from Dan, so he considers it a win all around.

"Does your family live around here?" Phil asks. Dan's accent clearly isn't local, but their family could have moved at any point.

Something twists in Dan's expression, too quickly for Phil to name it. They settle their chin in one of their open palms, resting both elbows on the table in a way that would have Phil's mum batting at them. "No," they say, strangely slow about it. They seem to be deciding how much they want to say, because they end up shrugging and gesturing around vaguely with their free hand. "Adrian's with our uncle in Austria. No idea where exactly either of my parents are right now, but thank almighty fuck they're not somewhere together."

"Oh," Phil says. He doesn't really know what else to say. This is way out of his depth, not something he's had a lot of practice with talking about. It doesn't seem like it's particularly bothering Dan to talk about it, it's just that Phil has no idea how he's supposed to carry on a conversation with something like 'I'm glad my parents aren't together and I don't know where they live'.

Dan smiles rather kindly, like they know exactly what Phil is thinking and they don't blame him for it. Of course, Phil could be projecting wildly.

"It's okay," they say. Phil doesn't know them well enough to be able to tell when they're lying for sure, but they seem sincere enough. "I've been living on my own for a few years and don't keep up with them much. I go south to see my nana sometimes."

"That's good," Phil says blankly, chasing another piece of sashimi for something else to focus on. The last thing he wants to do is say the wrong thing and make Dan feel uncomfortable being around him.

"Do you get to see your family a lot?" Dan asks.

The question is a normal one, and his family is a topic that Phil usually jumps to discuss, but things are rocky enough emotionally for him right now that he can't even muster up the regular amount of enthusiasm. He shrugs. "I talk to them a couple times a week and see them every few months or so? Martyn lives in London, so I get to see him more often, but he's also like... much busier than I am. Mostly I just stay home with Peej and Sophie and Chris."

"I really like them," Dan informs him. It's more of an announcement than a casual observation, like they think it's important for Phil to know what they think of his friends.

It is. That's very important to Phil.

If this were a date - which it isn't - then Phil would probably crack some jokes about how much less fun they are when he's trying to have a lie-in or make a point of reminding Dan that Chris is flirtatious but harmless.

"I like them, too," he says instead. "They're all so weirdly nice to me that I think they're plotting my death, sometimes."

"I mean, that would get a lot of views," says Dan.

Phil laughs. "I can imagine it now. The mysterious life and death of Philip M. Lester... except my life isn't exactly mysterious, and PJ would not be good at lying to the police."

"You're a little mysterious," Dan says, pouring them both some more tea. They smile when Phil thanks them, their dimple in stark contrast in the lighting. "Not like you're skulking around in the night or whatever - but, listen, you do also do that. I just mean that it's... hard to tell what you're thinking."

"Good," Phil says lightly.

Luckily, Dan laughs like it's a joke. They don't need to be introduced to the exact height of Phil's emotional walls so early in the friendship.

"For example," Dan continues like they haven't been interrupted, "I've noticed that you keep staring at my mug, and I can't tell if it's because you're an insanely jealous Pokémon nerd or if you're trying to figure out what weird animals they are."

Talking about Pokémon is way easier than talking about family or friends or his own shortcomings as a human, so Phil jumps on the topic like he's been handed a life jacket. Dan has a surprisingly deep well of opinions about the games, and Phil starts to really enjoy himself while needling Dan with his own thoughts. Sometimes he pretends like he disagrees completely just to see the way Dan gets passionate, gesturing and getting louder and Googling facts to back their arguments up.

They've got a lot of other media in common, too, and Phil keeps waiting for Dan to not have an opinion on something. It hasn't happened yet. Even with things they haven't watched or read yet, they chatter on about reviews they've seen or theories they've been hearing. The singular time that Phil asks about a film they've never even heard of, Dan grins wide and asks him to tell them about it.

By the time their dinner and dessert and tea are all gone and the staff are starting to give them looks, Phil feels like he's never connected this quickly and easily with someone in his whole life. That's a dangerous thought, but it's also a nice one.

This isn't a date, because this can't be a date, because Dan isn't a guy and Phil only dates guys. Even so, when Phil pays the bill and follows Dan out to the pavement, he feels the bubbling nervousness that he associates with the endings of first dates. Dan walks him to his bus stop, rambling about how Phil must be watching The Walking Dead wrong if he really thinks it's boring. Their cheeks are rosy with the chilly air and the tips of their ears are bright pink. They are ridiculously, unbelievably cute. Phil wishes he could stop noticing details like that, things that are going to make it even harder for him to put that platonic distance between them.

Dan sways into his space a bit when they stop at the empty bus stop, but Phil can't tell if it's on purpose or if Dan is just wiggling around like they usually are.

"This was fun," they say, wrapping up their rant with zero segue.

"I think so," Phil agrees with a little smile. He checks the bus schedule on his phone for probably the fourteenth time today, anxious about missing it or getting on the wrong one or something and having to call his parents with a favour to ask. "And, hey, I'm in town again tomorrow if you want me haunting your place of work again."

Dan grins wide, the streetlights' warmth catching in their eyes and teeth in a mesmerizing sort of way. "I'm not working tomorrow," they say. "But I'd be happy to hang out after my lecture. What are you doing in town?"

"Oh," Phil says, then pauses. He remembers the fierceness in Dan's voice when they told him not to go back to the house by himself. Still, it's not like there's anything they can do to make him stay out of there. "I'm going back to the Wilkins place with my dad's old video camera. It's old, still uses tape, so I'm thinking corruption might not work on it."

"You're going back there by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm going back," says Phil. He raises his eyebrows, daring Dan to keep arguing.

Dan is good at arguing, but once Phil has made his mind up about something, it's going to take a lot more than a persuasive pretty person telling him what to do to make him change it. Normally it would be annoying for someone to even try, but as confident as Phil is in his own ability to out-stubborn anyone on the topic of his own work, there's a part of him that thinks it's kind of sweet for Dan to worry so much. Ugh. He's got it bad.

It seems like some of his resolve is obvious in his expression or the set of his shoulders or whatever, because Dan just sighs loudly.

"Fine," they say. "I've got a Polaroid, I'll bring that too."

That hadn't been a tactic that Phil was anticipating. He's wrong-footed for a long moment or two as he waits for Dan to say they're kidding. "Uh," he says slowly. "You're not coming."

"Like fuck I'm not." Dan's stubborn face looks a lot like a frustrated, pouting toddler, but Phil still feels some of the effect. "You aren't going back there alone, I told you. I'm not letting you. And, sure, I don't know all the tricks of the trade or what the fuck ever, but you need someone to watch your back and make sure you don't stumble into more trouble. I'm your guy."

"You're not a guy," Phil says, because he doesn't really know what else to say.

That breaks Dan's seriousness, and they giggle into their large hand. Phil is already trying to apologise, but Dan waves him off like he's being ridiculous. "First of all," they say, "it's a figure of speech. And second of all, I'm not not a guy."

Phil can't think about that right now. His bus is visible a couple streets away and the last thing he needs is more confusion about Dan's identity on his plate.

"Sorry," Phil says again, just in case.

Dan rolls their eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'm free after noon."

"Well, we won't go over there until after it gets dark," says Phil. "But I'll text you. We can - I dunno. Get something that's not sushi. Or just get sushi again, honestly, because I'm obsessed with it."

"Same," says Dan, dimples in full force. "We'll figure something out, anyway."

Before Phil can say anything else, Dan sways back into his space and gives him a tight, fleeting hug. "Tomorrow," they repeat before pulling away.

"Tomorrow," Phil agrees. His stomach is in knots and his bus is approaching, so all he can manage is a dorky wave before he has to start digging for change and preparing to make small talk with the bus driver. Dan waits until he's on the bus and gives him a two-finger salute before heading back down the way they'd come.

That detail, the fact that Dan had gone completely out of their way to walk Phil somewhere that he'd been vaguely anxious about, is almost enough to undo all of Phil's careful explanations of their actions towards him.

It wasn't a date. Phil hadn't asked them on a date.

But he's certain now, in a way that he's never been before, that he hadn't been the only one half-wishing it was.

--

Phil can't move.

He's not in the comfortable dullness of his childhood bedroom, where he'd fallen asleep. He's got rough wood under his back and dusty rafters above his head. He can hear the insistent sound of rain hitting the roof, but aside from that the attic is quiet.

He is alone in the Wilkins place and he can't move. For a very, very long time, nothing happens.

Then he feels pressure on his chest that hadn't been there before. He still can't see anything, but it's getting harder and harder to take breaths.

Just when he thinks he's going to pass out from the lack of oxygen, Phil wakes up.

--

"I've had nightmares about places we've investigated before," he says into the phone, hiding out in the kitchen while his parents watch some early morning news broadcast. He's got his clothes in the wash with some of his dad's stuff, so he's taken up roost at the breakfast bar with some cereal and he's been zoning out while looking at the spin cycle. "But they've never felt like... that."

"Like how?" Martyn asks. He's yawning a bit, and Phil almost feels bad about waking him so early.

"Like, real," says Phil. "I don't know how else to describe it, Mar. It felt like I was really there, like something was really sitting on my chest. I could smell the dust and hear the rain and - it felt real."

"Maybe it's not such a good idea to go back, then."

Phil huffs. "Are you kidding me? This just means I'm onto something."

"No, it means you're making reckless decisions because you want to be right so badly that you're willing to ignore warning signs," Martyn says flatly. "And, sure, maybe that's because there's actually something to investigate there, but is that a risk you're willing to take?"

The Wilkins place has never exactly been welcoming; Phil felt like there was someone watching him from the beginning, like they weren't alone in the old walls. And maybe it's stupid of him to keep going back when things had escalated last time into something he had no control over at all, but he knows he's right about this. That makes it hard for him to let go of it, to admit defeat and go back to Brighton with his tail between his legs.

This is his town. It doesn't matter that he's left or that his parents are leaving, too. These are the hills and the streets and the graveyards and the hospitals that he'd followed Martyn through until he was old enough to brave it on his own. He doesn't like the idea that something so relatively new could run him out of town with a nightmare and some flickering lights.

Maybe he does have something to prove. He doesn't plan on doing anything stupid, but he can at least recognise that the simple act of returning at night is stupid enough for the people who care about him to worry.

"I'll have Dan with me," says Phil.

"Oh, okay," Martyn says like he's found a corner piece in a jigsaw puzzle. "So there's a bloke involved."

Phil wants to say that Dan isn't a bloke, but he's got Dan's voice in his head semi-permanently now. He's pretty sure that Dan wouldn't object to the classification, and might even say that they're not not a bloke. Instead, he just sighs loudly. "It's not about Dan, knobhead. But they're, uh, kind of jumpy. So I won't spend more time in the Wilkins place than I strictly need to, okay? For their sake if nothing else."

"Promise?"

"Sure," Phil says, with far more irritation than he actually feels. If he acts prickly, then Martyn won't push. "Did you find out anything else about this place?"

"Not really," Martyn says through another yawn. "I guess Frankie said that some kids were fucking around with spells or something earlier this year? His sister and her friends got in shit for breaking and entering."

"Spells, okay." Phil pulls his phone away from his ear to make a note of that. "I think that was all the sigils we found upstairs, but I'll look closer at the other rooms."

"Be careful."

"Aren't I always?"

Phil hangs up before his brother can start pulling out any receipts.

[coldmilkshaketrash]

🔫 Trans asks 1-20 let’s go babe

Well alright hun if you’re lusting for stuff about me that bad...

1. How did I choose my name? 

Honestly, I just kinda found some I liked the sound of, that were kinda of femby-esc, and just whittled it down from there till I was left with one I really liked.

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

That’s pretty much joint between facial hair that grows back so damn fast, and being misgendered/deadnamed, which my family just LOVES to do, so ya.

3. More physical dysphoria or social?

Social. By far more social due to the fact I have literally no confidence and have pretty severe anxiety and paranoia too.

4. What do you do to perform self-care when feeling dysphoric?

Put on my playlist, effectively lock myself in my room depending on how bad it is, wear fishnets/thigh highs under my jeans along with panties etc, wear make up like blush that no ones really going to see/notice because wearing masks, that kinda thing.

5. What was the first time you suspected you were trans?

Honestly idek, my memory is already shattered but all I know is I’ve had feminine quirks/ways of doing things for ages sooo maybe that after it was pointed out to me.

6. When did you realize you were trans?

After a long talk with an enbie friend and a few mental break downs along the way, a few years ago now is when I first realized for sure I wasn’t cis basically, before then I just thought I was queer or something along those lines.

7.What is your favorite part about being transgender? 

This isn’t something I’ve ever thought of as I’m normally looking a the...more terrible side of things such as how it means my human rights are up for debate etc, but I guess after some thought I’d just say meeting other trans folk and just how open we can all be to each other and just how insanely caring everyone is, at least in my circles.

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

Femby. Non-binary with strong fem leanings, and fem presenting. Or just eldritch abomination works too.

9. How did you come out?

By having several panic attacks before hand, dumping, and then just running away before the barrage of questions began, because my family for some ungodly reason expects me to be a Wikipedia for all things trans, and it really gets to me.

10. What are your experiences with tucking/packing?

Well tucking for me, since amab, but pretty terrible because I’m an incompetent idoit incapable of doing anything, and its only ever been to allow me to...well actually fit my thongs without exposing myself by having something hanging out.

11. What are your experiences wearing breast forms/binding?

None, literally never worn either. I’m poor asf and I need food more than anything rn too so not the biggest priority on my list either.

12. Do you pass?

Nope.

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to transition? 

The only thing I don’t want is bottom surgery, I hate my voice big time, I hate all my body hair, and I just hate my body for the most part, except the ass, the ass is ok. So, its more a case of don't I want to do.

14. How long have you been out?

About a year now.

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

Literally just she/her and they/them, either works for me.

16. Have you experienced transphobia?

I’m from the UK, so, most definitely yes.

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

Literally only been to work in terms of public areas, and its retail,, we only have a single toilet so its completely gender neutral and I haven't had to think about it at all.

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

They claim to support me, yet often deadname and misgender me, that should give you some idea.

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why?

Nope, but I wish I could, aside from a few people.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trnas?

I just wish I was actually informed etc, so more just tell them what it is/means etc.

[mewhenhorrormovies]

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we

say in Texas, you couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions

printed on the heel. You are a canker, an open wound. I would rather

kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You took your last vacation in

the Islets of Langerhans.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little

worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a

cad, and a weasel. I take that back; you are a festering pustule on a

weasel's rump. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench,

a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same

species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at

the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut.

Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are

a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn.

And did I mention that you smell?

You are a squeaking rat, a mistake of nature and a heavy-metal bagpipe

player. You were not born. You were hatched into an unwilling world

that rejects the likes of you. You didn't crawl out of a normal egg,

either, but rather a mutant maggot egg rejected by an evil scientist

as being below his low standards. Your alleged parents abandoned you

at birth and then died of shame in recognition of what they had done

to an unsuspecting world. They were a bit late.

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting

to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a

nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able

to access it ever so much more rapidly. If cluelessness were crude

oil, your scalp would be crawling with caribou.

You are a thick-headed trog. I have seen skeet with more sense than

you have. You are a few bricks short of a full load, a few cards short

of a full deck, a few bytes short of a full core dump, and a few

chromosomes short of a full human. Worse than that, you top-post. God

created houseflies, cockroaches, maggots, mosquitos, fleas, ticks,

slugs, leeches, and intestinal parasites, then he lowered his

standards and made you. I take it back; God didn't make you. You are

Satan's spawn. You are Evil beyond comprehension, half-living in the

slough of despair. You are the entropy which will claim us all. You

are a green-nostriled, crossed eyed, hairy-livered inbred

trout-defiler. You make Ebola look good.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid,

nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an

ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with

you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in

a land that reality forgot. You are not ANSI compliant and your markup

doesn't validate. You have a couple of address lines shorted together.

You should be promoted to Engineering Manager.

Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be

read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your

tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001

worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big

W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to

trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order

to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no

normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the

sewers in search of your git.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and

obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living

emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a

loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make

Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0

mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop

around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You think

that HTTP://WWW.GUYMACON.COM/FUN/INSULT/INDEX.HTM is the name of a

rock band. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who

ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry

Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns

all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are

deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of

wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted.

Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you.

Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source

of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous

galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother

opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your

way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs

out from under the porch and bites you.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock.

You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted

boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You

gormless crook-pated tosser. You bloody churlish boil-brained clotpole

ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered

bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You

dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your

spouse be blessed with many bastards.

You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself

in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of horny

clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a

clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature;

_Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.

You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You

are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel.

You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You

are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that

you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go

away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make

it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which

became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.

It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone

that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled

far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid.

Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to

a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium.

Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid.

Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one

minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot

be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid.

This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure

extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws

of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of

stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while.

I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic

opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other

drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped

away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't

really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was

pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a

load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after

you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more

success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal"

people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering.

But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this

world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this

was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to

what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like

parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the

emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a

demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful,

cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable,

belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal,

fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic,

brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame,

self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, fraudulent,

libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid,

illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking,

devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic,

fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased,

suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim,

crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim,

unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive,

mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive,

abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, and Generally Not Good.

[minnuet-archive]

about me!

hey! i'm vio.

that's not my real name (by real name, i don't mean dead name - i mean chosen name that i use in real life), but it doesn't mean i chose it at random. viola (vio) is my online name for a reason.

i chose the name viola because even though it's a girl's name, it's also the name of one of shakespeare's most sexually ambiguous characters to exist. vio, while also being a nickname for viola, is it's own name that comes from the word vita, meaning life.

in fact, i want vio to be my middle name once i legally change my name.

✰✰✰

i've kind of come to terms with my good traits and my not-so-good traits. i've been described as charismatic, kind, intelligent, patient, caring, thoughtful, good at giving advice, and funny. but the downside to being (supposedly) charismatic is that i can be manipulative. i also lie a little more than i should because of my anxiety.

✰✰✰

sexuality and gender wise, i'm not someone you can put into labels. i'm equally okay with he/him and they/them pronouns, so i'm perfectly comfortable with either the label trans ftm or nonbinary.

although i'm TECHNICALLY pansexual, I enjoy the term queer because it makes me feel less self conscious about if i'm more straight than gay (or vice versa) and things like that.

✰✰✰

i'm: - a pisces - a slytherin (although i don't support j.k. rowling herself and i don't love the harry potter series either, knowing my house will probably help you get a feel for who i am) - an enfj/infj (it changes a surprising amount) - an 8 (then a 3, then a 5) in the enneagram - chaotic neutral - a son of loki - a son of either hermes or hades (it's been a long internal debate)

✰✰✰

i love: - hunter x hunter (ハンター×ハンター / hantā hantā) - attack on titan (進撃の巨人 / shingeki no kyojin) - my hero academia (僕のヒーローアカデミア / boku no hīrō akademia) - death note (デスノート / desu nōto) - haikyu!! (ハイキュー!! / haikyū!!) - violet evergarden (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン / vaioretto evāgāden) - nura: rise of the yokai clan (ぬらりひょんの孫 / nurarihyon no mago / nurarihyon's grandson) - ouran high school host club (桜蘭高校ホスト部 / ōran Kōkō Hosuto Kurabu) - black clover (ブラッククローバー / burakku kurōbā) - yuri!!! on ice (ユーリ!!! on ICE) - westworld - the politician - the haunting of hill house - the good place - good omens - brooklyn nine-nine - on my block - lost in space - many more

i'm a big shipper and it causes me quite a bit of pain considering i mostly ship gay ships and i also mostly watch animes so they'll never happen.

✰✰✰

i used to play basketball and tennis, but now i mainly just use my dad's peloton bike and go on runs. oh, and i also snowboard and surf! i'm pretty good at surfing although i need someone to push me on a wave and i'm getting a lot better at snowboarding (although i'm not GOOD).

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i enjoy cooking too, but don't have enough time or energy for it. i love horror movies and house plants, but i can't take care of them for shit.

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i really like to listen to music!!! it's very hard to describe my musical taste, but my top grneres are modern rock, indie pop, indie, pop, rock, electropop, and dance pop. 

i used to listen to more emo music, but recently i’ve found that it just gets me down, so i try to listen to upbeat/chill music.

my spotify account name is strangecharm if you want to follow me! the playlist currently. has music that rotates as i find my favorite songs, but seventh grade. has all the music i've liked this year! i also really enjoy the playlist chill.

i also like musicals (dear evan hansen, be more chill, heathers, six the musical, and hamilton for the most part), but they're not what i listen to for the most part.

oh! i'm a singer and a pianist! i've always loved singing, but i always hated piano. a while ago, i got significantly better and started playing songs i enjoyed. it gave me this sense of motivation i've never felt when it comes to piano. i've even composed a couple piano pieces at this point!

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another really nerdy thing about me is that i genuinely enjoy philosophy and poetry (particularly from one of my favorites, rumi).

i love: - john green - david levithan - terry pratchett - neil gaiman - tomi adeyemi - rick riordan - jalāl ad-dīn muhammad rūmī (aka rumi; he’s an ancient persian poet, and he’s queer as hell) overall, i don't really read by authors, though. for the most part, when i choose a book, it's because it was recommended to me or is of value to me as an author.

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i'd like to grow up to be an author, but i also want to teach writing so i can share what i know! my (dream) life plan is kind of to go to college in london or, if not, somewhere on the east coast of the united states.

from there, i'd either want to study abroad in japan or get my english abroad permit and teach english in japan.

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i'm re-learning spanish and learning japanese, too! i want to learn them for four main reasons among many: 1) knowing spanish is really helpful in america 2) i can write novels in english, spanish, and japanese! 3) both spanish and japanese are absolutely beautiful languages- way more beautiful than english. 4) i can watch animes and have peace of mind because i won't have to read subtitles that are insanely off from what the voice actors are saying.

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i'm an eclectic witch (although i am particularly drawn to divination and green witchcraft)!

i really love tarot cards! some people think they can tell the future which is okay (i guess), but personally, i just use them to help me recognize themes in my and other people's life/lives from an unbiased perspective and help make things better.

my favorite kind of spells are jar spells and tea spells. if i'm doing spells, they're normally protection spells, self-love spells, or anti-anxiety/depression/bad vibe spells. i don't really believe in trying to use hexes or curses because then you're no better than the person you're cursing.

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i love art, but i'm not very good at it, so for the most part i do abstract art instead of realistic art. abstract art is pretty fun, too!

i'm trying to get better at using proportions and things, though. my favorite method is the loomis method and i love the youtube channel proko.

you can check out my book on wattpad, artistic elixir (i know, cheesy; i thought i was cool and i’m too lazy to rename it), if you want to see some of my art.

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i have a lot of unpopular opinions. some are big and some are small. that's just who i am. my mom's insanely left wing and lgbtq+ herself, but my dad's neither left nor right wing, leaving him hated by both wings. i've become a weird mix where i'm definitely more left wing than right, but i'm also not really either wing.

for example, i think that, if I'm being honest, the amount of labels in LGBTQ+ community has gotten out of hand. i'm not saying that the feelings aren't real. I'm not saying that it's impossible to not want to have sex or feel physical attraction until you get to know someone. but some genders & sexualities sound a lot more like a preference to me. i think that a lot of labels that exist could easily fit into other ones that already did exist. i also feel that you need some kind of dysphoria to be genderqueer and that neopronouns are a bit unnecessary.

basically, the rule of thumb for me is that i don't give a fuck. by saying this, i mean that i both do not give a fuck: 1) in that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want and don't have to to live by my opinions. i understand and respect that and i’ll love you the same as long as you’re not hurting anyone with your actions. 2) in that i won't tiptoe around you, trying not to hurt you. i will share my opinion, regardless of whether or not it hurts you. i speak my mind; that's how i've always been and always will be.

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i have a pinterest, a wattpad, an archive of our own, a spotify, and, obviously, a tumblr, so just ask me if you want my account on any of them!

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that’s basically all i can think of, but i’ll always answer questions for you guys! just send me an ask or even a pm if you want to ask any other questions, or even just want to talk! i’m always up for making friends!

-vio/viola