#''YOU'RE FUCKING WORTHLESS'
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家養的狗.....沒有自己的錢 (某種方面上)亞洲童年的延伸但是1000%加強版 (得100%跟父母長輩想要的形象一致 NO BREAK、27了還是跟家養狗差不多)
#狗養狗的另一種再造化#先天+後天 再加糖與鞭 you're the best#mix with#''YOU'RE FUCKING WORTHLESS'#='我應該要有這些ㄚ為什麼我沒有 你還敢那樣跟我講話'繼續笑笑對不起爸(然後咬死眼淚 指甲間的血伴隨高濃度情緒的氣息)#'NO WEAKNESS. NOW GET UP' 然後乖兒子乖繼承人gets up 起身又被打回去#可以感覺到他精神上的災厄#然而對所有人而言就是另一回事了#只聽爹的 其他人都是下等人
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I love how people on education forums are like "these certifications mean nothing!!!1!!" about tests but like as a brown person from a 'third world country' you guys just simply do not understand that we're deemed quite worthless anywhere if we don't have the money and the certification. this isn't something we're able to avoid. at all. and to even get this worthless certification, I had to use 50% of my monthly salary. So while I'm glad that you think these things are worthless, maybe learn to just not say that to people who are not asking. I don't want to know if this test killed your real life friend by throwing questions at it or whatever. I just want to know how to pass this exam so that people who review my application will have one less reason to reject me. sit down if you cannot offer any help. seriously.
#I'm saying this as someone who holds several language certificates:#unless you're a white/white passing native english speaker#people do not care how good your experience is#they care about the “fucking worthless” papers#and I'm already annoyed that I need to have these “fucking worthless” papers to be deemed normal#and you're not helping me or anyone by saying how worthless these papers#the only thing you're telling me is “oh you tried to be good at something for your future prospects? well that will mean nothing!”#smh.#ielts#toefl#tocfl#hsk#topik#jlpt#nat test#j.test#toeic
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this is my entire stance on the "american food is bad" discourse summed up
#there are two distinct times when american food is bad#when it's people who are well off or rich enough that all they care about is appearances and how expensive the ingredients are#bcs they don't care about taste anymore it's a status thing#and also when it's stupid gentrified gimmick restaurants basically following the Cesare from Big Top Burger formula#where it doesn't matter how it tastes#it's just about it looking cool or having a gimmick so influences will come take pictures and give you tons of free advertising#that's when american food is bad#bcs rip to y'all but I grew up dirt fucking poor around other dirt fucking poor people of all races and backgrounds#and we COULD cook y'all under the table with these things#when all you have for food is hamburger helper and canned soup well damn you learn how to make it taste good#also those two bad times are NOT unique to america AT ALL#remember the Australian fish and chips that had activated charcoal and looked like actual shit?#this ain't an american problem this is a fucking rich people problem send tweet#this is also why I can't watch chopped anymore#the way they talk about ingredients like those like they're worthless and they can't believe people would eat them#like cool glad you grew up well off enough to afford real people food#the rest of us had to learn to make velveeta taste good and you know what#I could cook your ass under the table with velveeta and all those other 'cheap' ingredients you're mocking
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Navani in The Way of Kings-Oathbringer: oh I'm not really a scholar, I'm not that smart. I just have money. Goodness, don't make me lead anyone, that would be awful! I'm a horrible leader honestly. I like group projects and order, sure, but I'm better as a side character, don't worry about me <3 (she says this while doodling amazing concepts and schematics, organizing and presiding over meetings, and convincing entire nations to join their cause)
The Plot™ of Rhythm of War: We locked Navani in a room for a few weeks and she coordinated the rescue of the whole giant tower and found a way to kill gods.
#honestly Stormlight really well portrays how a horrible and abusive figure like Gavilar can absolutely ruin your self perception#because we can all see how amazing and competent Navani is. we all know she's incredible. even Raboniel figured it out quickly#she just couldn't accept it in herself for a long time because she'd been consistently beaten down#so like. fuck gavilar always#abusive people will always find someone who is the best and try to convince them they're worthless#imposter syndrome is a bitch especially when it's reinforced by your closest people#also like slay navani you're the coolest girlboss queen. never speak badly about my friend (you) again#in general Navani's skill with people is awesome#I just think she's neat#navani kholin#oathbringer#words of radiance#the way of kings#rhythm of war#rhythm of war spoilers#stormlight spoilers
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At this point we need to start pouring white phosphorus directly on any cringing subhuman shitstain who says "I know Biden doing a genocide is shitty, but he's still the lesser evil—"
#i hope you and your entire family dies in an air strike I really do#the earth under your feet despises having to hold your worthless life on it#not even worms will want your corpse once you're buried in it#i hope and pray every single thing you're terrified of happens to you#being crushed like a bug is too good for you#anti zionism#racism#vote blue#genocide joe#fuck joe biden#death to america#death to israel#all liberals must die#free palestine#knee of huss
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🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹
#so i have an appt. to the psychiatric department for personality disorders tmrw...#and like i tried sending a self referral to them last year lmao#and they only said that heyyy you're doing amazing sweetie you are high functioning 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻#then i've ben to the health care center and since they think they cant treat me bc it's too severe they've sent referrals to other places#which have all declined me... so they also sent one to the psychiatric who sent a referral to this pd department#who that time also said that they can't accept me#so the therapist at the health care center like idk exactly but she sent a report on how they didnt handl my case properly#which made them call on me for an evalutation appt.#but i have 0 hopes. i honestly think the entire psych care is fucking lame and bullshit#i highly doubt they're even equipped to treat personality disorders#& even if they are theire budgetis getting cut bc ppl love having rightists ruling the government .... which means no funds for healthcare#anyway. PLUS it's a man.... -_- which reducuses my chances of being taken seriously even more...#i also hate talking to male therapists/psychiatrists... no fucking thanks. but i have to </3#i just really dont wanna go. like im gonna have to put energy into trying to argue for my right for treatment. w ppl who should inferstand#UNDERSTAND* i hate typing on my ipad ffs. they should understand my personality disorders..#bit health care proffessionals are horrible ppl and dont give a fuck abt their patients lol. so they're only condescending and rude 🤢🤮#i hate being in these environments bc everyone treats u like shit. the receptionists are so fkn rude and almost outright mean and insulting#the doctors and therapists and psychiatrists are all bullies who look down on u and make u feel small and worthless#so im really dreading it... but im also at my wit's end. i am missing out on my entire life. im desperate for help#even if i wholeheartedly believe that these worthless wastes of space wont give me any treatment i'll still need to go and try#then ig i'll just have to keep pestering the healthcare system. i might wventually even have to start going to the psych. ER so they put#that on my records and like idk. that costs money tho. plus from everyone i've heard from...#being at a psych ER esp when your situation isnt dire is awful and hell#my cousin who had been ther after a sui attempt had said that it 'scared him straight'#and that it was so terrible that he did everything to get back home as soon as possible and do whatever to never end up there again#so yuh... i'd rather not!#i was supposed to (my own decision) to write a list with ALL my symptoms and bring and be like LOOK MONGREL!!!#but since i suffer from avpd...... i havent. i procrastinated and now it's too late whoopsie. i'll just have to wing it fuckkkk 🥴#ofc it also has to be 8.45 .. so early in the morning for me im so mad ahhhhh i dont wanna go i am throwing up and screaming#but atp i'd have to pay $35 myself for not going so that will motivate me enough to force myself to go
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do i really want this relationship to continue tho if i genuinely feel worse after every interaction with her and she is in 89% responsible for my already precarious self esteem crashing and plummeting most severely in the span of just three years?
#aside from everything else she literally ruined my face for me lol#never before uni did i think that i was genuinely ugly. like i never thought i was beautiful or anything#but i was like yeah ok this is fine i can work with that my face is cool#i didnt even notice my nose or the colour and shape of my eyes and i actually liked my lips lol well not anymore 🤡#[girl who is your friend voice] yeah my eyes are blue yours are more the colour of idk a swamp or sth.#yeah you do kinda have a big potato nose. and yeah no my lips are bigger actually see#i have this like aristocratic type of features im good for playing countesses and stuff... you're more of a soubrette kind of face tho#idk people often tell me i look like young meryl str/eep (she does tho) haha omg you know who you look like?? d/olora z/ajick! <3 literally!#omg sorry im not trying to be mean look she's not that ugly!#:)#and like the worst part is she's right! she's right. completely.#the only thing i KNOW im better at is like. Being on stage. yes she's prettier yes she's sexier but i know i have a better stage presence#this is the only thing in my life im confident in. i KNOW what to do on stage. i CAN act. im not the best but im genuinely Good.#and like. so what lol it's literally worthless when juxtaposed against alllllll the other things she's winning at#'im worthless and no one wants to fuck me' is what im getting from this relationship. but sometimes it's funny ig
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the human shields shit has always been a lie anyone with half a brain knows that but it's also like. how can you even say that when the israeli forces on the ground have SNIPED innocent children, women, men at this point? what, did the bullet loop around and accidentally hit them while they were held hostage as human shields? fucking kill yourself
#was shireen abu akleh a human shield when they sniped her in broad daylight#wearing a press vest? THEN LIED ABOUT PALESTINIAN FIGHTERS ACTUALLY KILLING HER?#was mohammed al durah a human shield hiding behind his father as they were both shot at mercilessly#was hind a human shield when she was stuck in her car for days on end with the rest of her family that were slaughtered#were the resucuers who NOTIFIED the iof that they were coming to get her also human shields#was every palestinian who was raped and slaughtered a human shield in the nakba? before hamas was even a fucking thing?#the only instance i've seen of someone being held as a human shield was a child held by occupation forces#kill yourself you're genuinely a worthless human being and the world would be better off without you
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Some days you just know you did a bad job acting out your personality and are worried you'll be fired for giving an unconvincing performance.
Let's hope tomorrow's show has a bit more heart in it.
#camden posting#personal#today I've been really off my game#Dawn's asleep and I had extended conversations with housemates on topics she cares about#and fuck I feel so damn worthless when I am unconvincing in seeming passionate#did#watch me post my trauma in public#I'm going to bed#just felt like venting a little#some days you feel like you're giving bad replies in a social sim#and the Good options are greyed out#today was a day like that
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Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.
#people lied about “once you have confidence nothing can take it away”#nah that shit can get killed when you're a fucking pitiful fool like me!#until the day when I actually make something that's important to anyone this is just me being a child-brained idiot scribbling words down#I used to think I was semi-decent... I did before Rascal but figured Rascal was inferior to my usual work#Then I felt bad about my writing bc of discouragement and locked my work up#felt a surge of confidence a couple of weeks before I started Seasons tho#then had some confidence after that until 2023 (lots of bad shit happened that year)#it evaporated quickly but I tried to maintain some#and now it's just like... me trying to pretend and “fake it till you make it” has never worked for me#but let's be real: the more I showed I liked myself the more bothersome that was for some people I was close to#and it's better to tear me down than lift me up#so I guess the problem is that I just don't belong in the writing world with anyone else#I'll never be good enough and I'm frankly too mentally fucking delayed to have figured it out (like everything else)#hahahahaha people keep telling me I'm autistic and my brother is autistic and my parents refused a diagnosis for me when the Dr mentioned i#and here I am probably too autistic to have ever figured out a damn thing except that I'm pretty good at reading and liking stuff!#but not skilled at anything else#just a reader and worthless as anything else#oh and I guess crocheting but I want none of you to have that part of me ever again
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people who pick apart people's accounts of their problems on the basis of semantics go outside challenge
#so annoyed about this essay on transandrophobia#listen like#you can argue with the idea of misandry it will still not make me feel any more welcome in a space that has told me repeatedly..#.. that I can't possibly suffer at all as a man and so any violence done to me is fine#and if I disclose that I'm trans it's suddenly half backpedaling and infantlizing you insteas and half 'yeah whatever you're still shit'#and that was a “queer” space! not the world in general#if none of your problems matter because you're a man and men suck and you can't shake that off even in a queer space then#what the fuck are you supposed to do#it is very lonely! it's like suddenly the world has decided you're worthless on multiple accounts#and you can't complain or you get told that you're making shit up to get back at whoever#when you just.#fuckn#wanted to say that you've been feeling like people hate your guts since you started transitioning#p
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just a reminder to everyone with an uterus to keep track of your PMS
it took me years (like a decade) to realize that my downfall every month was because of it
#no but seriously#i never understood why i everything was going so so fine#and then the next day i was just so low in energy that i could barely get up of the bed to eat#so i would skip college ghost my work and get depressed because i was worthless#and then a week later everything was fine again#but the pressure i always would put myself under in the low energy week was so bad that it would permeate my everyday#because hey i'm doing fine right now#but this won't last#and then i'm 23 and having a fucking break of college and have suddenly time to listen to my body#so now when i notice my pms is getting ready to off myself i just...let it? just relax and try do the things that make me happy and comfy#because i know it will pass#even though it will also comeback#i'm still learning about myself and i plan to talk my gymnecologist about it#so yeah#sometimes you're close to your period#pretending i'm on twitter#pms#uterus#menstruation
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Love when you are having a class discussion about resources available/unavailable on campus and what can be improved, spitballing ideas to make them more useful and accessible and then of course someone inevitably brings up campus email lists because that is the primary way the school tells students about things that are happening and multiple people are like "not a great idea. i never look at my email"
maybe you should be checking your email then
they give you an email address and 5 thousand different links to access it. it's the most convenient thing in the world. the app costs nothing to have on your phone too. some of the stuff we're literally talking about is emailed to you so you know it exists and often has links to the thing so you can conveniently go to it and y'all are acting like its worthless because you can't be bothered to glance at a notification on your phone. Or go to one of the many public computers on campus to skim your inbox once a week or even month.
#we were discussing the disability accessibility tools department on campus because it's a disability class#and there were a lot of things i had no idea we even had because almost nobody seems to know this department is there#despite being told constantly by campus about other similar departments that do similar aid and accessibility things for students#I was like: they should include this with their daily email about notable resources on campus and upcoming events.#they already do that for like 5 other departments all the time. especially during welcome week and if you're a freshman#and people acting like it was a worthless thing#you realize those dumb emails are how i got a 1000 grant for tuition a few semesters ago#free vaccinations so i'm up to date despite having zero health insurance or money#and had the chance to work on a real research team as an undergrad#check your fucking email#ok rant over
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I think today has proven that there's no such thing as a loving god.
#how do i relocate myself my parents and our 13 pets to another country on a budget of $5 and a target gift card that still has $1.12 on it#asking for a friend#fuck trump#fuck republicans#and fuck every single leftist who insisted that voting was pointless#you all have blood on your hands#and you can all go fuck yourselves with sandpaper dildos#i hope you're all happy you worthless sacks of shit
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🐰🌧️
#so on my way home..#i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future#i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were#bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected#a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati#that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful#and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old#live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :)#you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :)#you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!!#you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u!#whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤��#god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE#i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things#now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao#there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives#by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it.#or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me#only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die#bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything#for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!!#not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right#i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax#but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭#my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became#bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life
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do you ever just look back at something an ex said to you and regret that it did not turn into a full blown fight
#whosebaby talks#this goes here because having an ex constantly say that if you like fluff; recovery; or improvement narratives of any kind#or just stories about trauma survivors that don't have Horrible Tragic Doomed Endings in general#that means you're a boring normie who doesn't really understand or respect abuse survivors; with a thin veneer of ~they're valid but--~#while the entire time talking about how I'm So Glad I Found Someone Who Agrees with This and Enjoys Exactly the Same Narratives I Do :)#and that characters i related to healing or becoming better people immediately made them boring and worthless to him#all while Secretly Indulging in Fluff as a Guilty Pleasure That Would Ruin His Image with me in private#fucked me up! it fucked me up quite a lot and pretty badly!#and there's still shit i really fucking struggle to write to this day as a result 🥲#anyway a) You are Not Immune to Being an Anti Just Because You Swapped Around Darkfic for Wholesome(tm) Content#b) i really wish i had started biting over that one instead of just uneasily accepting it because holy shit was it warranted lol#abuse cw#antis cw#the salt files#personal stuff
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