#'​hey sam wtf were you doing an entire week?'

[samijen]

they're just both mentally unwell lmaooo

this is PURELY SELF INDULGENT and has NO POINT WHATSOEVER

AVERT YOUR EYES AAAA

[fangirlwriting-stories]

First Blood

Summary: No One Knows AU Part 1, Danny should have expected that he wouldn't be able to do this ghost fighting thing by himself forever. Though admittedly, he didn't expect things to go quite like this.

Author's Note:

My brain: Hey you should write a Danny Phantom AU

Me: Wtf? Why?

My brain: I wanna

Me:

Anyway I do partly blame this fic on AO3 by artistfingers for giving me the inspiration.

…

He’d meant to tell them, was the thing.  It was entirely a coincidence that they weren’t there when it happened in the first place.

Sam had been the one to first have the idea of checking out the ghost zone, even if Danny had been desperately curious before that too.  But she’d been the one to convince him to try it, and he’d even gotten into the suit his parents had designated for this purpose (thankfully with a thought from Sam to pull his Dad’s face off his chest), but before he could actually go in the portal and turn it on, Sam’s parents showed up and dragged her and Tucker home.

They had never been the biggest fans of Danny or his parents, and weren’t super happy when they learned Sam was there.  Tucker had tried to protest against getting dragged along, but Sam’s parents kind of had a presence you couldn’t stand up to for very long, so they’d both left eventually.

But Danny was only more desperately curious after almost going in, and he couldn’t know when his parents would both be out like this again.  So, he’d gone back an hour later and turned the portal on.  And then…

Well.

Then he’d started trying to come up with a way to say “hey guys I’m sort of half ghost now” without sounding like a total lunatic.

And then the ghost fights had started, and Danny Phantom became well known before Danny Fenton could come up with a way to explain it to them.  And then he didn’t want them to get hurt.  The fights were hard enough on him, and he had superpowers.

He’s… definitely regretting that decision now.  He should have known eventually he’d come across something he couldn’t defeat on his own, for one reason or another.  But he’d always assumed if that came up it would be a ghost that was just too powerful, and he could ask someone for help.  Hard to do that when the problem is an evil but human ringmaster with a ghost-controlling crystal ball.  Admittedly, he hadn’t thought that far ahead.

He’s not quite sure what’s going on when he comes to, but the crystal ball is shattered in pieces at his feet and the other ghosts he’s become familiar with are blinking in the space across from him.  Freakshow himself is in between them all, staring at the crystal ball like he’s trying to process what’s happening.

Danny’s doing the same thing.  This isn’t Amity Park, that’s clear enough, but he doesn’t know where he is.  He doesn’t know what’s just happened, though he has a vague memory of an overwhelming sense of anger giving him enough force to throw the crystal ball to the ground.

“You know,” Freakshow says, looking up with a terrified grin.  “When I called you, uh, ‘minions,’ it was really a term of endearment, like, ‘Oh, I love my minions!’”

Danny scoffs, meets eyes with the other ghosts, and finds them in agreement.

They drag Freakshow to the haul he’s made them all put together, call the cops, and fly off into the night.

But while the three of them go who-knows-where, Danny changes forms and heads for a grocery store or a gas station, any place where he can find a newspaper and hopefully figure out the date or his location.  Preferably both.

…It’s been weeks.  It’s been weeks and he’s halfway across the country.

Danny sits on the ground outside of the gas station and drops his head in his hands.  The homework alone is going to be a nightmare.

His stomach growls.  He’s been in his ghost form for who knows how long, and it’s probably been just as long since he ate, but he doesn’t have any money on him.

So, in a move he’s not exactly proud of, he steals a couple apples and bags of chips from the gas station and practically inhales them.  He sits on a bench for another hour or so before he realizes he probably can’t put off the inevitable anymore.

He switches forms again and starts flying home.

He’s pretty fast at this point, so it takes him no more than a couple hours to get there, but he has no idea what he’ll find when he arrives.  The past couple weeks get blurrier the closer the time gets to the present, but he has the feeling he’s done some bad stuff.  He doesn’t know what his public image in Amity Park is anymore, but he has an inkling it’s not exactly great.

And that’s just the Phantom side of things.  He’s going to have to deal with the Fenton side first, and that almost sounds worse.

First, however, he’s exhausted, and still hungry, and he can’t deal with this tonight.  So he resigns himself to worrying everyone for one more night, grabs some stuff from the fridge, and flies silently up to his bedroom.  He eats handfuls of whatever food he grabbed with his back to the door, and then leans back against it and breathes, taking in the feeling of at least being home.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem he’s going to get even a night of reprieve, because the next second someone bangs on the door he’s leaning against, and he splays forward on the ground with a surprised yelp.

He turns to see Jazz forcing the door open.  She freezes when she sees Danny, and for a couple seconds, they stare at each other.

“Uh,” Danny says.  “Hi?”

Jazz blinks.  “Hi?”

Danny swallows.  “Yeah?”

Jazz balls her hands into fists and glares at him.  “Where have you been?”

“Um.”

Jazz buries her hands in her hair and pulls on it, giving a frustrated scream.  “Danny!  Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been?”

“Sorry,” Danny mutters, not sure what else to say.  He still has no idea what’s happened the past few weeks.

Jazz runs her hands over her hair, smoothing it down, and takes a deep breath.  Then she kneels down and pulls Danny into a crushing hug.

“Why would you run away like that?” Jazz says, but there’s something else in her voice, like she’s trying to get at something.  “Are you okay?  Are you hurt?  Do you want to—” she pulls back, and looks Danny in the eyes with a very pointed expression.  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, her voice suddenly very soft and gentle.

Danny stares at her for a second, not sure where the sudden shifting emotions from her came from.  Either way, he shakes his head.  He doesn’t even know what he’d say.  He’s going to have to come up with some kind of story, but how is he supposed to do that without contradicting something he doesn’t remember happening?

“Are you sure?” Jazz says, still looking at him intentionally, and Danny does not understand what she’s trying to say.  He’ll blame the exhaustion and brain fog.

Jazz sighs, and pulls him back into a hug.  “Okay.  But you’re going to have to explain to Mom and Dad why you’ve been missing for weeks.  Uh… for exactly three weeks and four days, as we both know very well of course.  And you’ll also have to explain why no one knows anything at all about where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing— as far as I know that is.”

Danny pulls back and gives her a baffled look.  “Why are you talking like that?”

“Excuse me!  You’re the one who runs away for, just to reiterate, exactly three weeks and four days to an unknown location, and you’re asking me why I’m being weird?”

Danny stares at her.  “Uh, I mean I kind of am now?”

“I can’t believe you!” Jazz exclaims, waving her arms up without actually looking that exasperated.  Then she leans forward and wraps her arms around Danny again.

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” she whispers, with a suspicious sniff that Danny doesn’t acknowledge.  “Please don’t scare me like that again.”

Danny reaches up and wraps his arms weakly around her.  “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, which is all he can say, because he can’t exactly guarantee that nothing like this will happen again, can he?

For a minute, they both just sit there, and Danny tries to ignore how good it feels to be hugged by his sister, because that’s a totally lame realization to have, and he doesn’t need any more reasons for people to beat him up.

But then another familiar voice comes from behind them.

“Jazz?  What are you doing up—”

Danny jerks around and meets eyes with his mother, who stares wide-eyed back at him.

After a second, she turns and screams, “JACK!” then rushes forward and pulls Danny towards her.

“Are you okay?  Are you hurt?”  She takes his face in her hands, turning it back and forth.  “What were you thinking, you’re grounded for a month!  You look terrible, when did you eat last?  When did you shower?  Do you have any idea how worried sick we were?  I’m never letting you out of my sight again!  Was it ghosts?  What can you tell us about them?”

Danny laughs despite himself.  His mom is being so incredibly normal (well, normal by her standards) that it immediately brushes away quite a few of his worries.

Then he remembers what his best option for a cover story is, and his smile fades.  His dad shows up in the doorway a second later, looking half-asleep.

“It… it wasn’t ghosts, Mom,” he says, and at least that part is true, if misleading.  “I just… I’m sorry.”

His mom presses a hand to her forehead, looking like Danny’s taken about ten years off her life.  “You’re grounded for two months,” she amends.  “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” Danny says, which is also true, if… also misleading.

“You got that right,” his dad said, putting his hands on his hips in what looked like his best impression of a stern father.  “You’re grounded for three months, mister.”

“That’s just going to keep going up, isn’t it,” Danny says with a sigh.

Jazz reaches over and gives him a side hug and a sympathetic smile, and Danny really isn’t sure what’s going on with her right now.

But honestly, for the moment, he’s just glad to be home.

…

Danny still isn’t quite sure how he manages to get out of giving any details to the police, but he does it.  He’s given back to his parents to decide his punishment, meaning he’s confined to house arrest for the next five months (it did keep going up).  That’s going to make ghost hunting a little bit difficult, but he’ll burn that bridge when he gets to it.

The one exception to grounding, obviously, is school, which Danny is equal parts dreading and looking forward to.  It was a Saturday when he got back, and of course Sam and Tucker know he’s returned, but he hasn’t gotten to see either of them.  He doubts he’ll be able to see them much outside of school or the occasional study party.

Stupid Freakshow.  This is going to ruin his life until Christmas.

Either way, Monday comes.  And Danny walks into the school and over to his locker and tries to ignore everyone staring at him.

A loud bang at his left causes him to jump and turn to see Sam leaning against the lockers, looking none too pleased.

“So,” she says.  “Have you finally decided the rest of us are worthy of your presence again?”

“Come on, Sam,” Tucker says, walking up behind her.  “You said you weren’t gonna be like that.”

“Sorry, he just screws off to nowhere and you expect me to not be upset?” Sam asks with a glare at Tucker before turning back around.  “Honestly Danny, you know I’m all for escaping awful parents, but you didn’t even tell us where you were going!  We didn’t know if you were okay!”

“My parents aren’t awful,” Danny mutters as he looks down at his feet, all he can think to say.

“Then why did you leave?” Sam snaps, leaning into his face.

Danny winces, leaning back.  “Do we have to do this out here in the hallway?”

Sam huffs, standing up straight and glaring away.  “Fine.  Whatever.  I’m going to class.”  She stalks off without another word.

Danny sighs and turns to his locker so he can put the textbooks he needs into his backpack.  It’s not his fault, and he knows that, but he still feels like the worst person on the face of the planet for making them worry.

“So…” Tucker says slowly, leaning back against the locker much less angrily than Sam.  “Why did you leave?”

Danny closes his locker and swings his bag over his shoulder.  “Doesn’t matter.  I’m back, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, except it kind of does, though?  Dude, if you feel like leaving again, I want to help you.”

Danny turns to look at him and sees nothing but honest concern in Tucker’s eyes.

He wishes it was that easy.

“You can’t,” he says.

“Why not?”

“It’s not—” Danny sighs, looking around to make sure no one’s listening.

Everyone is listening.

“Not here,” he says, turning back to Tucker.  “And not now.”

Tucker looks at him for another second.  “Okay,” he says finally.  “But don’t think I’m letting up on this.”

Danny smiles just a little bit.  “I know you’re not,” he says.

The warning bell rings.

“I have to go,” Danny says.  “If I cut first period on my first day back after running away, I think my parents will actually kill me.”

Tucker smirks.  “Sounds like you brought that one on yourself, dude,” he says.  “But sure.  See ya at lunch.”

“See ya,” Danny says, and turns to walk the other way.

The day is about what he expects.  Mocking and socks in the stomach from Dash, dry remarks and glares along with piles of makeup work from teachers.  He’s exhausted, but he deals with all of it and prepares to work through it until things are at least marginally back to normal.

He can’t wait for Sam and Tucker to not be mad at him.  That would help a ton.

There doesn’t seem to be much of a chance of that when lunch arrives, however, because Sam starts glaring at him the second he sits down, and Tucker just gives him that same concerned look that Danny is pretty sure he can’t make go away without spilling his guts.

…Well, not that “hey Tucker I was actually being mind controlled by that ringmaster from Circus Gothica” would make him less concerned.  If he believed him in the first place, that is.

Danny doesn’t know what to say to break the awkward silence, but apparently Sam has that covered.

“So, Tucker,” she says, very loudly.  “Are we still on for Nasty Burger after school?”

Ouch.  Fair enough.

“Uh,” Tucker says, rubbing the back of his neck.  “Maybe that’s not such a great idea anymore?”

“Why?  Are we supposed to drop our plans the second Danny decides to stop being childish?”

“Okay,” Danny says, turning to face her.  He’s positive he doesn’t have the energy to deal with an angry Sam for the weeks it takes her to forgive him.  “What do you want me to say to you, Sam?”

Sam turns her glare on him.  “I want you to tell me why on earth you left with no notice of when you’d be back or whether or not you were okay or why you were leaving,” she snaps.  “Why the fuck would you do that to us?”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Danny says, looking down as guilt stabs him in the chest.  “I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean you weren’t trying to?  What were you trying to do?”

“I don’t know,” Danny says, because it’s true.  He doesn’t really remember the exact specifics of when and where and why he left Amity Park with Freakshow.  He is pretty sure he wasn’t around as Danny Fenton for at least a couple days before that, though, meaning Jazz’s random ‘three weeks and four days’ comment was probably more accurate than the one he’d worked out from the newspaper.

“I really don’t know what I was thinking,” he reiterates, forcing himself to turn and look at Sam.  “I don’t know what else to say.  I’m sorry.”

He watches anger and concern and something else war on Sam’s face for a second before she scoffs and glares away.  “You’re really not going to tell us what happened?” she asks.

“I… don’t know if you’d believe me,” Danny says quietly, looking down at his awful school lunch that is leagues better than the almost nothing he’s probably eaten the past couple weeks.

Sam gives a bitter laugh, shaking her head.  “Oh my god.”

“Sam,” Tucker says, narrowing his eyes at her.

“What?” Sam asks, turning her glare to him again.  “Are you trying to pretend you haven’t spent the last three weeks terrified out of your mind too?”

Danny fights to not hunch over on himself.

“I’m sorry,” he says instead, turning to look at Sam.  “I really am.  I didn’t want to scare you.  I’m sorry.”

Sam looks at him firmly for a long second, and she must see something in his face that makes her believe him, because she stabs at the limp broccoli on her tray without looking at it and says, “You gonna do it again?”

Danny shakes his head and prays to whatever’s out there listening that he’s not lying right now.  If Desiree was around, he might even make a wish on it.

Sam seems to accept that at least a little bit.  She turns and takes a bite of her vegetables.  “If you do I’ll murder you,” she says.

You’re a couple months late for that, Danny doesn’t say.  Instead he just nods.

“So,” Tucker says, drawing both of their attentions with a much more easygoing smile on his face.  “I imagine you’ve got a lot of homework to make up, Danny.  You want to move our hangouts to after school while you’re doing that at least?”

Danny smiles gratefully at him, and Sam sighs and mutters, “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

So that’s where they end up, and Danny immediately appreciates how almost-normal it feels.  One of the last clear memories he has before things start getting fuzzy is studying in the same library with Sam and Tucker, so in a way it feels like picking up where he left off— with some unwelcome tension added to the air.

Danny spends the first half hour or so doing homework while Tucker and Sam talk idly next to him about things they’ve done in the past three weeks that he’s apparently missed out on.  Unlike lunch, there’s no anger involved, just awkwardness and hesitation, which is… better, he supposes.

Finally after an hour, when he’s only finished a tiny bit of homework for one of his classes, he sits back in his chair and massages his temples.  “This is gonna take me a month.”

“Well, you did miss almost a month of work,” Sam says, with a not-very-sympathetic smile.  “You don’t really have anyone to blame but yourself.”

“I’m gonna get so tired of that sentiment,” Danny says, dropping his head into an open textbook.

“It’s true.”

“I know,” Danny mutters without lifting his head.

“Did you at least have fun while you were on your runaway vacation?” Tucker asks.

Danny pulls his head up and finds Tucker now leaning on the table in front of him.

“No,” he says, because he’s sick of lying.

Tucker winces.  “Ouch.”

Sam snorts.  “Serves you right.”

“Sam,” Tucker says, at the same time Danny waves her off with “I know, I know, I get it.”

Sam sighs, and pushes herself up on the table.  “Alright, look.  You should probably lie low for the first month or two.  But when your parents eventually stop watching you closer I can help you sneak out for a little fun from time to time.”

Danny gives her a grateful smile.  “Thanks, Sam.”

“Yeah, yeah.  You owe me one.”

“I already owe you one,” Danny says.

“You got that right,” Sam says, crossing her arms with a smirk.  She probably thinks he means her forgiving him so quickly.  He doesn’t.

They don’t stay much longer, because the hour after school in the library is the only time his parents gave him before he has to go home.

As soon as he gets a free moment, when his parents are busy making dinner, he sneaks downstairs and looks up Danny Phantom on the computer.

Just as he expected, it’s not great.  Most of the things it lists Phantom as doing are robberies and property damage, about what he expects.  But there’s also quite a few mentions of him being cruel to the other ghosts in Freakshow’s circus, and he… cannot figure out how he feels about that.

Fighting ghosts is nothing new, obviously.  But the ghosts in Freakshow’s circus didn’t choose to be there.  He didn’t choose to hurt them either, but he still feels kind of uncomfortable with it, with the idea that it happened and he doesn’t even remember it.

“Danny?”

Danny yelps and closes the window on the computer, spinning around to see Jazz standing there.

“Jazz,” he says weakly.  “I uh, I didn’t hear you come down here.”

“Dinner’s ready,” Jazz says, giving him a look he can’t read.

She looks at the computer, and it’s way too obvious she saw what he was looking at.

“You know,” she says, turning back to him.  “Unless you’re just catching up on the ghost fighting from the past couple weeks, I wouldn’t put too much thought into Phantom.”

Danny blinks.  “Uh, why?”

Jazz rolls her eyes.  “He was so obviously under the control of that Freakshow guy,” she says.  “Don’t you think?”

“What?” Danny stares at her.  “How would you know that?”

Jazz gives him a soft smile and leans forward to kiss the top of his head.  “Just a hunch I have,” she says.

“Gross, get off me,” Danny says, though he can’t put any real bite into it and he’s pretty sure Jazz can tell.

“I pay attention, you know,” Jazz says, stepping back.

Danny swallows.  “Yeah?  How much?”

“Enough to know that robbery and property damage isn’t Phantom’s MO,” Jazz says with a roll of her eyes.  “And that those reports aren’t gonna say anything about what he’s actually like.”  She pauses and looks at Danny for a minute, then clears her throat and looks away.  “You know, just in case you’re curious about that kind of thing.  You should find better sources.”

“And what are you, a journalist?” Danny asks.

“I’m just… concerned,” Jazz says hesitantly.  “I hope that… wherever Phantom is, he’s doing okay.  I hope he knows it’s not his fault.”

Danny doesn’t say anything, and he and Jazz stare at each other for a minute.

They’re interrupted by their mom calling from upstairs, “Kids, are you coming or not?”

“We’re coming Mom!” Jazz calls back.  She looks back at Danny and nods her head up the steps, and Danny shuts off the computer and follows her up.

…

He’s not that shocked when he gets nightmares about Freakshow, but it’s definitely inconvenient.  If he can think of one thing that won’t help with getting things back to normal, it’s being consistently sleep deprived.

The worst part is that he can’t really be sure which of the nightmares are his brain throwing his worries back in his face, and which parts are actually his brain putting together things that have happened that he can’t remember right.

Honestly, maybe it doesn’t matter that much.  Either way, he doesn’t get a full night of sleep once for the first week he’s back.  He can tell Jazz notices, though he’s pretty sure his parents aren’t picking up on anything, and none of them say anything.  He tries his hardest to pay attention at school, because he really can’t afford to fall behind due to falling asleep in class.

Unfortunately, between trying to act normal around his family and pay attention during school, that means he usually spends the first half hour with Sam and Tucker passed out asleep on top of his textbooks.

“Dude,” Tucker says, after the fifth school day in a row of waking him up so he can do at least some of the homework he’s missed.  “What time are you going to bed?”

“Yeah Danny, I never thought I’d be the one to say this, but maybe you need to go to sleep a little bit earlier,” Sam says, raising an eyebrow.

“You act like I’m not trying that,” Danny mutters, rubbing at his eyes.

“What’s stopping you?” Sam asks.

“Uh,” Danny says, not having thought that far ahead.

“Danny, seriously, on top of being the only time you can get your homework done, this is also the only time we get to hang out with you for a while,” Sam says.  “I’d appreciate it if you could stay awake for all of it.”

“I’m trying, honestly,” Danny says, leaning back in his chair.  “It’s not like I don’t care.  I do.”

“Then what’s going on, Danny?” Tucker asks.  “You know you can still talk to us, right?  You can always talk to us.”

Danny winces.

Well, maybe he can start small.

“I… I’ve had a couple nightmares,” he admits, running a hand through his hair as he sits up.  He pulls his homework closer so he doesn’t have to look either of them in the eyes.  “It’s not a big deal.”

“Nightmares about what?” Sam asks, giving him a look he can feel without looking back.  “Did something happen?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Danny says.  “Can we just acknowledge it and move on?”

“Uh, no?” Sam says, reaching forward and pulling the homework away from him.

“Hey!” Danny says, turning to her.

“You can’t just say something like that and not expect followup questions,” Sam says, crossing her arms.  “Nightmares about what happened while you were gone?”

Danny sighs.  “Maybe.”

“What happened?” Tucker asks, obvious concern in his voice and on his face.

Danny looks up at him, not having a clue what to say.  Should he explain the one about blasting all of the other ghosts into the concrete hard enough to cause a dent, or the one about terrorizing a small child and her mother to get them away from the paintings they were trying to steal?

Neither of those sound like they’ll come without follow up questions.

Danny reaches over and pulls his homework back over in front of him.  “There just wasn’t a lot of food going around,” he says, settling on the one human experience he can reliably count on.

There’s a couple seconds of silence, and then Tucker gives a long sigh.  “Dude,” he says.  “Why did it take you so long to come back?”

“I need to get this science homework done,” Danny says in lieu of a reply.

Neither of them say anything back to him.

Strangely enough, the first one who comes up with something that’s actually helpful in regards to the nightmares is Jazz.  And she seems to do it unintentionally, like she’s been doing a lot lately.  She very casually at dinner one night brings up an article she’s read about how rewriting the endings of nightmares can sometimes be a good way for someone to calm down after having them, then starts discussing the science of dreams and sleep and how both of them are important and how to make sure both of them are going as smoothly as they can.

…Okay, maybe this time it’s a little more intentional than she wants to let on.

That doesn’t mean her ideas aren’t worth trying, though, so Danny gets a notebook to keep on the nightstand for alternate endings to write down.  (He’ll destroy the pages every morning for privacy purposes, but he draws the line at getting a night light.)

It ends up being helpful enough that he can at least fall back asleep, which is a big improvement, if the ideas he writes down seem a little unrealistic, with how hard it actually was to break out of Freakshow’s control.  Either way, he’s not so tired, and despite how loathe he is to admit it, he has Jazz to thank for that.

Not that he’ll ever tell her that, of course.

…

It’s a week and a half after he returns that things change in a meaningful way.  He hasn’t had any ghost fighting to do since getting back, but that changes during lunch on Monday.  Not anything he can’t handle, just a quick eye roll with the Box Ghost, but it apparently means something very different to the rest of Amity Park, and, more important to him personally, to Sam and Tucker.

“I mean honestly,” Sam is saying when Danny shows up at the library after school.  She’s pacing back and forth across the library, and though Tucker waves at him when he notices him, Sam continues marching angrily in front of the table.

“Who does he think he is, showing up like nothing’s different?  First of all, he ruined Circus Gothica, and then he just shows up expecting everyone to still see him as the hero?  That’s not how that works!”

“Hey Danny,” Tucker says as he approaches.  “Don’t mind Sam, she’s pissed off about the ghost fight today.”

“Why?” Danny asks, setting his bag down on the table.  “I didn’t think that was really your scene.”

“Not until that Invis-o-Bill idiot made it personal by messing with my circus,” Sam says, rolling her eyes with obvious anger.  “And then expects everything he’s done in the past couple weeks to just be brushed off.”

Danny sighs, reaching inside his backpack for his homework.  “Yeah, that figures.”

“What figures?” Tucker asks in confusion.

“Math figures,” Danny says, dropping his notebook on the table.  “Gonna try and knock out a lot of the math homework today.”

“Uh, fair enough?” Tucker says, still sounding confused.  “But honestly Sam, at least he seems to have gotten over whatever’s been going on and isn't actively being malicious anymore.”

“Great, so we’re supposed to reward him for the bare minimum?”

“Do we have to talk about this right now?” Danny asks, looking up with what he hopes comes off as annoyance.  “I get enough of ghosts from my parents, I was kind of appreciating you guys actually being a break from all of that.”

“Look, you don’t get it,” Sam says.  “I don’t imagine you’ve been following ghost news for the past couple weeks, but he’s—”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Danny snaps, giving Sam as firm a glare as he dares to right now.

Sam raises her eyebrows.  “Excuse me?”

“Sam, honestly, I’ll let you be as mad at me as you need for as long as you want,” Danny says.  “But please, can you back off with the ghosts?  My parents already think I was kidnapped by them or something, I don’t want to talk about them during the only time of the day I can actually relax for a little bit.  Okay?”

Thankfully, Sam and Tucker both go quiet.  Now he’ll just have to hope that neither of them actually ask his parents about that excuse and realize he already told them that’s not what happened.

But apparently he’s misjudged their silence, because after a minute Tucker taps his textbook with a pencil, drawing his attention.

He looks up and finds Tucker and Sam both looking at him like they’re trying to come up with the right way to say something.

He blinks.  “What?”

“Danny,” Tucker says slowly.  “If I ask you something, can you promise not to freak out?”

“No,” Danny says honestly.

Tucker considers this for a second.  “Fair.  I’m gonna ask anyway.  Did you actually run away of your own free will?”

Danny goes stiller than, well, a dead person.  “What?”

“Did you actually run away?”

Danny looks back and forth between him, and then Sam, and then back.  “Why are you asking me that?”

“Dude,” Tucker says, leaning closer.  “You’re not acting like yourself.  Even ‘just made a huge mistake and now everyone’s mad at you’ yourself.  You’re having nightmares, and you don’t want to talk about what’s causing them.  Did you actually run away?”

Danny opens his mouth, shuts it, and looks down at his math textbook.

“…Danny,” Sam says, sounding baffled and angry but also more concerned than he’s heard from her since he got back.  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because that’s something you just say in the middle of the hallway,” Danny snaps despite himself.

“Danny, come on,” Sam says.  “Why are you just letting everyone be mad at you then?  You need to tell someone—”

“No,” Danny says.

“What?  Dude,” Tucker says, leaning forward with obvious worry.  “They could go after someone else, or come after you again—”

“He won’t.”

“You can’t know that!”

“Yeah, well, I do,” Danny says, keeping his gaze very firmly on his math homework.  “And I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You know what?  Fine,” Sam snaps, pushing her chair back and grabbing her bag.  “Because you’re being ridiculous.”

With that, she turns and marches out of the library.

Danny doesn’t say anything in protest and starts working on the first math problem on the sheet.

“You know,” Tucker says quietly.  “She was really really scared when you weren’t here.”

Danny keeps writing.

“She was worried something was gonna happen to you and she’d never see you again,” Tucker continues.  “I…” there’s a pause, and then he sighs.

“I’m not gonna make you talk about anything you don’t want to, dude,” he says.  “Just… know that she’s not actually mad at you.  She’s just still scared.”

Danny sighs and puts his pencil down.  “Yeah,” he says.  “I know.”

Tucker reaches out and puts a hand on Danny’s shoulder, in a way that should feel really awkward but somehow doesn’t.  “You know you can tell me anything,” he says.  “Right?”

Danny looks away.

“Okay,” Tucker sighs.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He picks up his stuff and leaves.

…

Danny spends the night laying on his bed tossing a ball up in the air and trying to catch it.  He has to get up and chase it down more often than he’d like, he’s not exactly the most athletic person out there.

He ignores his growing stomach and skips dinner, telling his mom he’s not feeling well.  He can always go down and grab something after everyone else falls asleep.

After dinner, however, he hears a knock on his  door.

“What?”

“Can I come in?” Jazz asks.

Danny pauses in tossing the ball in the air and considers for a moment.  “Yeah.”

The door opens as Danny resumes tossing the ball.  Jazz walks in, then closes the door behind her and heads over towards the bed, already looking concerned. 

“Are you doing okay?” she asks.  “You were upset about something when I came to pick you up, and now you’ve been up here for hours.”

Danny manages to actually catch the ball and sits up, setting it down next to him.  “Okay, what is with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been acting like, aggressively supportive since I got back,” Danny says.  “Sam is angrier at me than you.  Mom and Dad are angrier at me than you.”

“I’m your sister,” Jazz says.  “It’s not my job to get angry at you.  It’s my job to support you.”

“No, you’re my sister,” Danny says.  “It’s your job to tease me relentlessly and make my life way harder.”

Jazz gives him a look.  “You really don’t need that right now.”

“And why should you care?” Danny snaps.  “I brought this on myself, remember?”

Jazz doesn’t say anything.

“I just, I’m trying to understand what your deal is,” Danny says.  “Do you want something?  Are you trying to butter me up for some reason?  What are you getting out of this?”

Jazz gives him what almost seems like a sad look, then reaches forward and squeezes Danny’s hand.  “I’m worried about you,” she says quietly.

“Why?” Danny says, pulling his hand away.

Jazz sighs, looking down at the bed.  “Because we both know you didn’t run away, Danny.”

Danny throws his hands up.  “This again?  I’m fine.  No one died, no one hurt me, I didn’t have to hurt— people, so I’m fine!”

Jazz gives him a look.  “That is in no way how that works.”

Danny shakes his head, glaring down at the covers.

Jazz nudges him gently in the side.  “I’m not going to make you say something you’re not ready to,” she says.  “Just know that you can tell me anything, Danny.”

With that, she stands and starts to walk out, and Danny feels a weight press down on his chest, one he’s barely sure he can take anymore.

“Jazz, wait,” he says, reaching out and catching her arm.

Jazz pauses and turns back around.  “Yeah?”

“I—” Danny says, and stops.  Nerves start to crawl up his throat.  He half expects his ghost sense to go off, but it’s not that kind of anxiety.

He takes a deep breath.  “If I tell you something,” he says.  “Can you promise to let me explain everything before you make any kind of judgment?”

Jazz smiles at him.  “I promise,” she says with a nod.

Danny takes a shaky breath.  “I, um.”  He stops.

“Yeah?” Jazz probes gently.

“Sorry,” he mutters, looking down and clenching his hands around his blankets.  “I don’t think I’ve ever actually said it out loud before.”

Jazz reaches out and puts her hand over his.  “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she says.  “I… already know.”

Danny jerks his head up.  “What?”

By the look on her face, he can tell they both mean exactly the same thing.

“You…” Danny says weakly.  “How long?”

“Uh, since the Spectra thing,” Jazz says, rubbing the back of her neck with a sheepish smile.  “I wanted to give you a chance to tell me yourself.”

Danny gapes at her for a second, Jazz gives him a soft smile.

“And you…” he says finally.  “You don’t care?”

“Of course I care,” Jazz says, crossing her arms.  “I care that you’re safe.  I care that if you don’t want someone to know, they don’t find out.  I care that you’re my brother and you’ve been trying to do this all alone.  I care that some jerk ran off with you and has been forcing you to do things you clearly don’t want to do for the past month.”

Danny winces and looks down.

“Are you okay?” Jazz says, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“Not… really,” Danny says.

Jazz wraps her arms around him and pulls him over towards her, and this time he doesn’t pull away.

“I don’t like watching you do this all by yourself,” Jazz says.  “Can I help you?”

Now Danny does pull away, if just to stare at her in bafflement.  “You want to help?”

“Of course I want to help,” Jazz says, like that’s obvious.  “If anything, the past month is a clear sign that you shouldn’t be doing this by yourself.”

Well, he can’t exactly argue with her there.  Still…

“It’s dangerous, Jazz,” he says.

Jazz raises her eyebrows.  “All the more reason I don’t want you rushing into danger without backup.”

“I can handle it,” he says.  “That’s what the ghost powers are for.”

“Danny.”  Jazz leans forward, giving him a pointed look.  “I want to help you.  Okay?”

Danny looks at her for a minute.  He takes a breath.  “Okay.”

Jazz leans forward and pulls him into another hug, and for once, Danny can know she means it.  His brain can’t make any arguments about how she wouldn’t be doing this if she knew, because she does know.

And, well.

He could get used to that.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen 2

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: Here’s chapter two. Think I’ll probably slow down writing. Appreciate y’all.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 2: I follow every little whiff

💀💀💀

You gave yourself a day off that week. Rather, the desolation of Birch allowed you an excuse to get away from your desk. An internet outage across the town had you up and wandering the main road just after noon. Your grandmother refused to join you so she was left to her true crime novel and the weekday droning of talk show hosts.

After a peek in the book shop where you picked out some used thrillers for your nan and a guilty splurge on one of Babs' pies to add to the surprise, you stopped by the diner and had some soup to warm up from the unrelenting cold. You played around on your phone as you blindly slurped from your spoon. With no available connection, you swapped candies to achieve a score high enough to get to the next round.

After another loss, you put your screen down and added some pepper to the tomato soup. You leaned your chin in your hand and peered across the road. The Asp was just diagonal from The Chipped Saucer and from your seat by the window you could see the comings and goings of the dingy bar.

You chuckled to yourself as you remembered the hundreds of comments on your video. You weren't entirely surprised that the internet cheered at the sight of a woman beating up a man in broad daylight, you'd seen much worse on the web. But many were curious and asked about how it started and about the small town alluded to in the caption.

You picked up your phone and flipped open the camera. You pointed it through the glass as one of the many bikers strutted out of the bar and down the street. You knew him, like most in town, he was the leader's right hand man. Steve Rogers. He had an odd gait, rigid with long strides, and you remember Kelly used to make fun of him when you walked home from school. That felt like forever ago.

You ended the video and dropped your phone again. You'd send it to Kelly when the outage was over. It would be a good laugh. Plus, you hadn't heard from her much since she moved to the city.

You finished your soup and paid. You went out into the street and cut around to the backstreets. You made your way back to your nans and found Pippin scratching at the front door. You stopped and scooped him up before you let yourself in.

"Don't like the snow, do ya?" You set him down and he whipped his tail before skittering off, "hey nan, I got you some stuff."

"You spend too much," she grumbled as you hung your coat and grabbed her treats.

"Only on you," you sang as you entered the front room, "sugarless blueberry pie, your fave, and some books about murder and all that freaky stuff you love."

"Hmm," she watched you put the pie and books down on the coffee table, "suppose the pie will go good with tea."

"Ah, and I suppose I'll be making that tea?" You returned.

"My arthritis…" she pouted but her grin came through.

"Yeah, yeah," you snickered as you went to the kitchen to put on the kettle, "we going black today or something lighter?"

"Put on some of the pekoe," she called back, "make a whole pot."

"Will do, ma'am," you trilled and basked in her annoyed mutter.

💀

When the internet came back, you sent of an email to inform the agency of the interruption and promised to meet your deadlines. Then you puttered around and added a caption to the video before you sent it off to Kelly; 'why he walk like that tho'. She sent a series of crying emojis back and told you to post it.

'Nah, it's a dumb joke.' You typed back.

'Saw ur last vid, ppl will eat it up,' she insisted.

'Well, got nothing else to put up. The account’s dying since no one cares about my writing.'

'DO IT.' Her words sealed your resolve and you uploaded the video with some dramatic music in the background.

The response was almost instantaneous. Several comments saying they were happy to see more and others being for another video. 'We all wanna see inside this fucked up town' one added and several latched on. Ignoring the questions of where this was, you gave a thin promise of future small town thug content. 

You turned back to your work email and opened up your draft for your next gig. You couldn't help but smile as you went over your work. You might have just found your niche.

💀

You knew your nan would lose it if she knew you were snooping around the club, so you didn’t tell her. You went down, made her breakfast, went back upstairs to do your work, then tiptoed out in the late afternoon to poke around town for something to upload. Birch was so dull when you lived there but to those outside, it was a novelty you were all too eager to provide.

You got more videos of the bikers; some revving their bikes, others arguing, but there was nothing overly usable. You were getting bored of it until the man himself walked out of the bar. You record the man’s glower expression as he marched down the sidewalk and turned off just down the way.

‘His name is Bucket… wtf?!’ you keyed in and snorted as you waited for it to load to your account.

Still, there was nothing special going on, like always in Birch, and your grandmother was bound to get suspicious if you kept sneaking around. You went back and hid your phone before she could bitch about it. You cooked her dinner and sat with her as your thoughts swung between work and your TikTok.

You went to bed but couldn’t sleep. You ended up watching YouTube on your phone as the windows shook with the night winds. It wasn’t until the darkness began to glow that you were roused from the cocoon of your comforter. You looked out and saw smoke coming from the main road.

You didn’t think before you pulled on your jeans and shoved your feet into your slipper, unconcerned about them soaking through as you barreled down the stairs, the sleeves of your hoodie only half on. The back door bounced behind you and you crunched down into the snow and clamored past the row of lifeless houses. 

You were out of breath as you got to the end of the path and rounded the diner to gape over at the burning garage. You got closer as the line of bikers stood in their leather with breath puffing before them in the frigid night. You stepped back into the shadow of the brick façade of the realty office and swiped your camera open.

Your hands shook and you struggled to steady the image on the screen as the mechanic woman raged in only her tee shirt. You didn’t quite understand what was going on; only that her garage was up in smoke and then men were doing nothing to smother it. She swung at the dark haired man and spat at several others; “cowards”... “fuck all of you!”

You gulped and held your breath as she was dragged away by the large redheaded henchman of the slender outsider. She fought for a moment before she was flung over his shoulder and the biker followed their leader back to The Asp. You sidled in between the building and hid until the voices faded into the wind.

Well, that would be a hell of a video. It might even go viral.

💀

Your phone did not stop. You almost felt bad as you saw the screen limn the edges of your cell as you left it face down on the little table beside the couch. Your nan sat in her rocking chair talking away on her corded phone to Linette from down the road. You suspected that every other person in town was gossiping about the same thing; the fire.

You finished your coffee and rubbed your eyes as you checked the time and ignored the pulsing notifications. It was too much to keep up with.

Your grandmother hung up and sighed, “can’t believe it. You hear?”

“Hear what?” you pretended ignorance.

“That old garage burned down. The one with the lady,” she said, “pity. When I was a girl, that place was a salon. Ma used to take us there to get our hair cut. The barber would give us wrapped candies and pretend to cut himself with his scissors.”

“Oh? It burned down?” you weren’t sure you were very convincing but you also could just say you saw it happen.

“Yep, no one really can say. You know, maybe she was welding or some rag caught, but I bet my money on those bikers,” she sneered.

“Good thing you’re poor,” you kidded, “and why the bikers?”

“Oh, well, you know Kimmy, Linette’s girl, works down at the diner and she saw that mechanic arguing with one of those strangers, the ones dealing with the club men. Well, it’s no coincidence that trouble follows those leather jackets around,” she rocked as she nodded knowingly, “oh, one of the boys I knew back in the day, he was found burnt up with his bike. They said the tank blew… well, I saw it and that tank was pristine.”

“Nan,” you gasped, “you… Jesus.”

“Well, things don’t change in Birch, we just get older,” she continued, “when you’re young, everything seems new but then you age and it’s all just the same.”

“Wow, how… inspiring,” you said dryly.

“Girlie, you gotta be careful,” she intoned, “that fire, that’s a lesson to all the women in this town. To everyone. You don’t cross the Commandos.”

“I don’t think anyone--”

“That’s another thing, there has never been a shortage of stupid people, not now not then,” she girded, “those women who get tied up in that club, their lives are already done.”

You frowned and hid your phone in your pocket as you stood. You rubbed your neck and picked up your empty mug, “I should get started.”

“Mmm,” she said as she dialed the phone again, “I wonder if Fran knows yet.” 

💀

You were being really fucking stupid but peer pressure was not a logical thing. Even through a screen, you found it hard to resist the goads. So there you were, your phone in your hand as you live-streamed your walk down to The Asp. The data costs alone would make you regret it but you were caught up in the hype of you fifteen second of internet fame.

“Alright,” you stopped across the street and gave a view of the moniker with Cleopatra sultrily looking down at you, “this is it… I just gotta play it cool…” you turned the lens towards you and smiled nervously, “hopefully that dude at the front doesn’t stop me.”

Comments flicked up the bottom of the screen so fast and smilies and hearts floated up the side around your face. You crossed the screen as you turned your phone against your coat and approached the bar door. The large biker butted out his smoke and you bared your teeth nervously. He didn’t stop you as he rolled his shoulders and coughed.

You entered to the noise of classic rock and low voices, the clink of glasses and tap of chalk on marble. You glanced around and quickly swept your phone around to give a view of the patrons. You hurried over to the bar and climbed up on a stool.

“You need a drink?” the woman behind the bar scowled. She looked worn out even with her lips painted bright pink and her eyes clouded with blue shadow.

“Uh, sure, can I… can I get one pint of everything you have on tap?” you asked as you set your phone down and shrugged out of your coat. You draped it over the next stool and reposition your phone as you flipped the cam and used the built in stand on the case to angle yourself onto the screen.

“Sure,” she narrowed her eyes and glanced past you.

You swung your feet as you waited for her to pour the five pints; some with too much foam and the others with no head at all. You took the first and held it up for the camera.

“A classic, BudLight,” you held it up to the light, “no head and…” you sipped, “flat.” You plunked it down and coughed as you grabbed the next, “this is a raddler?” you looked at the tap for confirmation, “grapefruit… smells like piss…” you had a sip, “tastes like it too.”

You chuckled to yourself and asked for a water. You made a show of swishing it around in your mouth before you moved onto the third beer.

“Had to cleanse the palate,” you joked, “now… lots of foam on this one, dark. You know, I’m pretty surprised they have Guinness here but let’s see…” you tasted it and crinkled your nose, “that’s it. Exactly like toilet water!”

You read some of the comments telling you to check the bottles for bugs and laughed. Suddenly you were yanked off the stool by the back of your shirt and your phone was swiped up by another man as the first restrained you. You struggled against his thick arm as it hooked around your neck and the leader of their crew stared at the screen of your cell.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled as he hit the screen with his thumb but the stream kept going. He dropped the phone to the floor and stomped it instead.

“This is the bitch posting about us online,” the man at your back growled. It was Steve, the one with the weird walk.

“I doubt either of you know how to use a computer,” you scoffed, “hey, let me go.”

“And why would we do that when you’re snitching to the whole world, sweetheart?” Bucky kicked your phone away as he crossed his arms.

“Actually, I’m--” you grasped Steve’s arm as it threatened to get tighter, “--promoting your trash business. I was just having a tasting, if you had just asked--”

“Shut up!” Bucky stepped closer and brought your legs up and stopped him as you planted your feet against his stomach.

“Hey,” a woman’s voice came from behind the bar as the waitress shoved aside her empty tray, “hey, she’s just a kid.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky huffed, “she looks full-grown to me.”

“So what are you gonna do?” she said, “she’s young. You can’t--”

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” he snapped.

“She’s right,” another voice intoned and that man, Sam, came up beside them with a pool cue in hand, “she’s just goofing around.”

“She’s a rat,” Steve insisted.

“You’re being dramatic. It’s called a meme and you do walk a little strange,” he chuckled, “no one’s gonna follow her breadcrumbs back to this shithole anyway.”

Bucky considered Sam and then looked at Steve. He poked his cheek with his tongue and sucked his teeth.

“So… you vouching for her?” Bucky asked.

“She won’t cause any more trouble, promise,” Sam said, “I’ll make sure of it.”

“You better,” Bucky snapped his fingers and you were released, “get her out of here.” 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

[eunoiaflow3r]

i hate u, i love u // spencer reid x fem!reader

spencer reid x reader

aaron hotchner x reader

part one - part two

a/n: did i damn near put this entire song in this fic? yes, yes i did i’m so sorry....highly unedited.

how was your guys’ holiday?

warning(s): language. angst. fluff....

word count: 2.6k

request(ed): yes.

summary: old things try to get fixed, while new feelings and places...arise and get mixed.

(wtf am i dr. seuss now??)

——————————————&———————————

feeling used, but i’m still missing you. and i can’t see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss, against my lips

and now all this time, is passing by.... but i can’t seem to tell you why. it hurts me every time i see you realize how much i need you...

Seeing Spencer and actually letting all of that out did a number on you. You apologized to Aaron countless times and he said it was okay countless times but you still felt so bad. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve your drama, and not to mention how embarrassing it’s been. You felt like you ruined his whole night. It was supposed to be fun and yet you didn’t have any. He said he did but you know Hotch didn’t.

You’d have to make it up to him somehow soon but you didn’t know how. How are you supposed to fix this? Any of this??

It feels like you’re being sucked into the eye of a tornado little by little and you just can’t get out. It feels like everyone else is safe on the ground feet planted and they’re all just staring at you and laughing. Staring and not helping.

Your chest hurt. You hated feeling like this. So helpless...and stuck. You were stuck and not ready to fix it...well...part of it. You could still fix one thing. You didn’t have to be stuck here. Here in this small apartment with no room for anything let alone breathe. You needed space. You needed change. You needed control. Everything is spinning in circles and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t stop it.

So why not do something that could help you? That you’ve been meaning to do but never had the time for?

Apartment searching. Well...bigger apartment searching.

Where you were staying now was a studio apartment. You loved the open concept except for how small it was. You just need room.

Before...

“I like it here. It’s so small and cute.”

You could tell cute was a foreign word to Spencer when it came to describing a building. But he was trying. You thought he was cute.

“Thanks Spencer but I’m thinking something different. Maybe another bedroom for a roommate...or just a bigger one for y’know...another person.”

You never really brought up the idea of moving in together before. Sure, it’d be easier...his job was nearby, and there was a bus stop at the end of the street, and there was you....so his reaction kind of put you...off.

“Roommate sounds good. One of your friends maybe? Although I wouldn’t want her to y’know...interrupt us.” He had that cute seductive tone to his voice but he wasn’t sounding very cute and seductive.

You weren’t going to argue. “Yeah...a roommate. Who do you think I should ask?” you paused. “Sara or Malia?”

Spencer was quiet for a moment, like he was thinking. “Malia maybe?”

You didn’t have a friend named Malia.

And that’s what hurt the most you think. The fact that you still thought about him 24/7 even though what you had with him wasn’t perfect. You thought it was before..you thought he was before..but now you’re realizing nothing about it was perfect but at least it was something. Now you have nothing.

It was only the afternoon so you decided to look for some places. You found 3 places suitable for what you were looking for. All 3 were good sizes, good prices, and a good amount away from your job and college. You felt almost lucky. This felt almost too easy.

Until you saw the first two places in person. They were okay, but not really what you were looking for.

The last place though...the place was great, the location was great, the neighborhood was great, hell even the yard. Hell, you’d have no use for it, you didn’t have a kid but it was still a nice looking yard. You could tell that someone in the apartment, hopefully your new neighbor, took great care of the gardens.

You looked around at the surrounding mix of apartments and houses (mostly houses) and saw 2 little kids playing in the house 2 houses over. One of them looked like Jack. It couldn’t be, right? Hotch’s house wasn’t over here.

Nevertheless you watched for a few seconds and it was Jack. You decided to go over and say hi.

Jack stopped playing and immediately ran towards you.

“Y/N!!” He grinned. You got down to his level and hugged him back just as enthusiastically.

“Hey Jackie! Whatcha doin?” He only let you call him that. Only you.

“Sleepover. This is Sam. It’s almost time for Ana to drop me off at home though.”

You said hi to Sam and asked if Ana was his mom. She was and as soon as you told Sam your name, Ana came out of the house and waved you over.

“Hey, I’m Y/N. Friend of Jack’s and Hotch.”

She smiled. And shook your hand.

“I’m Ana. I’ve heard about you! Jack talks about you quite a lot.”

You and Ana talked for a while. She seemed like a really amazing person. If you end up getting the place you could see you and her becoming great friends, and since she seemed really busy you offered to take Jack home. She protested but you insisted. It wasn’t like you were doing much anyway. The landlord had already left and you were just going to go home anyway.

On the way to Hotch’s you bought Jack his favorite ice cream. You couldn’t help it.

The whole car ride Jack’s conversation thankfully distracted you but when you got to his house you couldn’t help but remember that night and how embarrassed you felt.

Seeing Hotch only made it worse. Especially since he wasn’t wearing his work clothes- just a shirt and sweatpants, and you couldn’t help but look because he looked incredibly.....good. He looked so great and you were so mad at yourself for how that night ended with him. You were supposed to be having fun and neither of you did.

He hugged you when you got to the door anyway. You explained to him what happened- even the apartment searching while he invited you in for coffee.

A whole year with Spence and he never invited you in. Ever.

Do you miss me like I miss you? Fucked around and got attached to you Friends can break your heart too And I’m always tired but never of you

If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit I put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit I type a text but then I never mind that shit I got these feelings but you never mind that shit

“Mom, please, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”

Your mom gave you a look over her mug that said, ‘Do I look like I’m dumb?’ And she wasn’t. Perhaps you weren’t any good at hiding your feelings. Could everyone tell?

You were doing better now.

It’s been a month? Maybe two.

Either way it’s been a while and you weren’t as hurt as you were before. Some nights you woke up heart aching, tears falling, but you aren’t as bad as you were those first few weeks.

Truth is, you missed Spencer. You spent those weeks blaming yourself and wondering why you why you?

But you accepted that you weren’t ready for that answer. A part of you had forgiven Spencer. A part.

You were still heartbroken. You were still angry and hurt. But you’ve been trying to move on. In fact, you’d be moving entirely. Yesterday you finished all the paperwork with your new landlord. You were going to finish packing after visiting your mom.

“Momma I’m fine there’s just a lot going on right now.”

She wouldn’t accept that answer. She persisted you told her what was wrong. So you did. You told her about Spencer...and about Hotch...

Aaron.

You had been spending some weekends with him. Some were alone, just the two of you, and other times it was the three of you. Him, Jack, and you. Whenever you thought about Hotch you had the feeling in your stomach you got whenever you heard from Spencer.

But you still have that feeling for Spencer.

Things were so confusing right now - you weren’t sure if you wanted to move on from Spencer. You didn’t want to rush in with Aaron either though. That’d hurt the both of you.

Last weekend...

“Y/N you cannot tell me you think New Girl is better than Friends.”

Aaron was in a gray shirt and sweatpants while you were in relatively the same. You both sat together on his couch each a cup of coffee in your hands. You had promised you’d help him shop with Jack for new clothes and you had just agreed to stay the night since it had gotten so late.

“Oh a hundred percent. New Girl is way better.”

Hotch laughed.

“Friends is a classic. There wouldn’t be a New Girl without Friends.”

“There wouldn’t be a Friends without Living Single Aaron.”

He rolled his eyes but conceded. “True but still. Friends is better.”

You hadn’t been that happy in a while. You were breathing...you were living. Out in the open. Unbidden.

You ever wonder what we could have been? You said you wouldn’t and you fucking did Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix Now all my drinks and all my feelings are fucking mixed

Always missing people that I shouldn’t be missing Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing But I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings

There was a bottle of liquor in your hand

You would have gone to the bar but you were too sad for it. You didn’t have the will.

Earlier today you decided that you should get a muffin from the coffee shop and see how Em was doing. Right when you got to the door, who was in the window caught your eye.

Spencer.

Spencer and JJ.

Laughing, and eating, and kissing...

In the open. Out in public.

Were you just not good enough? Was that it? Could you not understand him because you didn’t work in the BAU? Was what you had all one sided?

Unanswered questions and half a bottle later you were passed out on your couch crying.

You thought you were over it for sure this time. But it still fucking hurts. Is keeping your heart open waiting for him even worth it?

The next morning you took a hot shower. The hottest shower you could handle. You were hungover, and you felt like shit but you still had to pack the rest of your things to move. You still had to move.

Your speakers were on the highest level and your music was so loud you didn’t hear the door knock. You only screamed when you felt someone behind you.

It was Aaron.

“Jesus christ!!” You went to turn down the music.

“You could have killed me!”

“Yes I very well could have!” His arms were crossed. He was upset but still in a playful mood. You could tell. “I could have been a serial killer, you have to lock your doors!”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ll lock my doors next time.”

He nodded approval as you went to the refrigerator to get him a bottle of water.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh I didn’t tell you?” How had that slipped your mind?

He shook his head.

“I’m moving.”

“You’re moving?” He looked disappointed.

“Yeah not far. A few houses down from Ana actually.”

“Oh good.” He said relieved.”

After that, he decided he wanted to help you. It was nice not being alone even though you told him he didn’t have to stay. He wanted to.

He even helped you transfer the boxes to your new apartment. You didn’t know Aaron had a voice on him...but he did.

“We built this city!” he sang/shouted.

“We built this city on rock and -“

“We built this city!” he answered.

“We built this city on rock and -“

“Rollllllllll” you sang together.

You giggled when the song was over and he grabbed your hand for the rest of the drive. You didn’t pull away. It felt too nice. It felt too right.

After helping you put your boxes into your next place it was time for him to head home. He told you that he could stay and help some more if you wanted but you could tell he was tired. You were tired. You told him you’d call if you needed any more help.

He made you promise you would because he knows you won’t if you feel like you absolutely can do it yourself even when you shouldn’t.

You promised.

On his way out there was a moment where you could have kissed him. Where you were saying goodbye and you were in the doorway and you were close enough to...but you didn’t. You weren’t ready. He knew you weren’t ready. He knew.

The feelings you have for Hotch keep growing but the feelings you have for Spencer stay the same. Spencer used to be your everything. But you weren’t his. You needed someone who would put you first. Well...close to first. Jack should always come first. Always.

You need to come first when it comes to women. Spencer didn’t put you first. Would he ever?

All alone I watch you watch her Like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen You don’t care you never did You don’t give a damn about me

Yeah, all alone I watch you watch her She is the only thing you ever see How is it you never notice That you are slowly killing me?

Your phones ringtone was blaring and when you opened your tired eyes to read the time on your bedside table it read ‘3 AM.’ Who would call this late? Or...early? Either way you didn’t check the screen and just decided to click green and put the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” Your voice was groggy and you were a little annoyed to be woken up so early. It’s rude to do that to someone. Especially someone who only went to bed three hours ago.

“Y/N.” It wasn’t a question and it wasn’t in command. It was a sigh of relief followed by sniffles and a hiccup. It was Spencer.

“I didn’t think you’d pick up.” he said.

“You’re lucky I didn’t check my screen I should just -“

The only form of communication you’ve had with him since the incident was a few texts. Dry texts. On both ends.

“No!” he panicked. “Please don’t hang up please, please, I - I couldn’t sleep.”

You shut your eyes in frustration. “You called me at three in the morning because you couldn’t sleep?”

“No, I - I’m apologizing because I couldn’t sleep, no I - I’m apologizing because I was - I don’t know -“

“Spencer I really don’t have time for this. I have things to do tomorrow. What’s today Tuesday? We’ll have coffee or something Friday, okay?”

There was silence on the other end for a few seconds. “I have a date, no I mean plans Friday..uhm, Sunday?”

“Sunday.”

And you hung up the phone. You didn’t mean to sound bitter, you didn’t but seriously? You were actually willing to see him for once - maybe a decision your unconscious, pining, mind made - but still, and he can’t because of a date? A date?

With JJ no doubt. Of course it was JJ. It’s always been JJ. Every single time. “I can’t today Y/N JJ needs,” or “JJ called I gotta go,” or “Shoot I’m sorry I know we had plans but JJ -“

Will it always be JJ? Will she always be number one? Has she always been number one and you just never realized it? Have you been the girl he just hung out with because he couldn’t with her?

A few months ago...

“I bought chinese.” You grinned.

“Smells so good.” Spencer took the bags from your hands and kissed you on the cheek.

Spencer picked the movie this time since you picked it last time. He was sitting in the middle of the couch while you had your legs draped across his. Occasionally he’d bring his hand down to rub your legs.

Things were fine. Things were content. Until his phone rang.

“Y/N, It’s JJ I have to go.”

“What does she need?” you ask genuinely worried.

“Nothing I don’t think. I just gotta go.”

I hate you, I love you I hate that I love you You want her, you need her And I’ll never be her

———————————-—&—————————————-

i literally have no idea what this is i -

team hotch or spence?

if you have any ideas or scene ideas PLEASE tell me

i’m really trying on this happy ending thing

a spencer apology/talk scene is cominggg

i’m liking the idea of two endings? maybe?

spencer tag list: @hotchsbabygirl @pinkdiamond1016 @thefemalestorywriter @sizzlingclamturtlesludge @samyilf123 @mathchampagne @studywithrosie01 @reniescarlett @drreidsconverse @eveliiinnn27 @bweakmybonez

comments tag list: @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks @geekgirleve @jhiddles03 @carlgrxmes @dreatine @meowiemari @thedaughterofhotchniss @we-are-dreamers42 @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @silverchains9182 @realalpacorn @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @matthew-gray-g @minami97 @mgg-th1996 @peculiarinsomniac @secondratecomplaint @fallinallinmendes @fantastic-fans @eldahae @psych0crybaby @tclaerh @ashwarren32 @spenciegoob @mustbeaweasleyginger @abschaffer2

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

[mapleandgingeroatmeal]

CR2E109- Frigid Propositions

Ooops! I've been moving and then road-tripping the past few days, which makes for a high volume of podcast consumption and a very low amount of blogging time. I also have a week off now, so I plan on going back and categorizing my Rumblecusp thoughts, because I have many. For now though, I want to keep up with this project so I'm writing while things are fresh in my mind. So! With that said, here's 109 thoughts!

I always love a shopping episode. Is that weird? Idk, they're usually light-hearted and role-play heavy, which are two things I love. This one was no exception.

It's so funny to see everyone go completely fucking wild the first time they get any kind of wealth in their pockets. Illegal Fireworks! All the paper in the city! A million stink bombs! A 5,000 gp ring that I will never need! It makes sense for people who live so much in the moment to spend the way they do, but god its also so funny how ecstatic they are to have spends .

Fjord and Yasha are so good together?? Hey? Fjord is such a charismatic guy, he should be good at this, but Yahsa has zero impulse control and he likes to be spontaneous sometimes, so it's like she sucks all his common sense and people skills right out of him when they're together. What a great dynamic omg.

Veth is totally That Mom who makes everyone take terrible matching-christmas-pajama photos and I am so here for it.

It makes me happy to see Veth with her family, but I do always get this feeling like the relationships she has there are so forced and fleeting. They've never spent more than a few days at a time together since she's been back! Matt even makes a point of saying how much Yeza's changed and has become a different person in her absence. I honestly feel Veth and Yeza are really tip-toeing around each other at this point.

Also we went through all of Rumblecusp and we haven't once had a convo about how Veth is feeling/adjusting to her new body? I want that info so badly, but I also totally feel like this is a deliberate character choice on Sam's part. He knows how to constructively interrupt if he wanted a scene of her talking about it, which makes me think Veth is in hard Denial Mode about her feelings and wants and needs rn.

(also over in Widowbrave land, Veth could've given Caleb anything, but she chose a thong?? If that's not a you-can-join-me-and-my-husband-sometime flirt then wtf is it?)

Ashley Johnson came for my entire soul with that church scene. "I think I'm being rebuilt, too". EXCUSE ME I'M SOBBING?? I have been so in love with Yahsa's ard since Obann, some day when I have time I'm gonna scream for an hour about the Wings scene.

Ok not that long ago I said that I wasn't feeling the Fjorjester buildup super hard; I am now revising that opinion. Travis has definitely been laying the groundwork. That unicorn was Fjucking adorable, and I love how he matched Jester's goofy playful energy when he gave it to her. You can see him trying so hard to speak her language and it's just so precious.

And it was so interesting that Caleb pushed them together with the knowledge that he's been a little in love with Jester for a while. I guess he's seen enough of how her and Fjord pretty obviously feel that he's trying to get himself over that one. Also the fact that he may lose Veth has forced him to confront how in love with her he is

It really is incredible how far Beau and Caleb specifically have come. None of these guys are at all who they were at the start, but I feel like the change is most obvious on them. Caleb isn't quite at forgiving himself, but he's slowly letting himself be happy. Beau is reading books and allowing people to love her and commanding a position of responsibility.

Caduceus is finally opening up to friends about his issues and I'm so proud of him? Even if it's just that very little bit. Beyond what he said to Yasha specifically, you can really tell by the things he doesn't say that he's been doing some quiet self-reflection. I mean, "patience can curdle into apathy", hello, projecting much there bud? Think maybe you're not even talking about Yahsa's issues so much any more?

also we got a hint of aro/ace Cad here with his comments about finding the dancing awkward. I am so excited that talks is back, and I cannot wait for someone to ask Tailesen about the choice to create a character with that identity specifically. God I love Caduceus Clay with all my heart and soul. I would die for this wise baby cow man.

AAA I've gotten to Eiselcross I cannot fuckin belive I'm here!! I know I'm still many episodes behind, but I've officially reached the place where I really started seeing enough cr around my lurker feeds to decide I should get into it myself. So it honestly feels like I've reached some arbitrary "caught up" point in my head, bc from here on out I vaguely saw fan reactions to live episodes as they were released. I know whats coming here, and I am SO EXCITED to see it all for reals.

I might be able to do a pseudo-livebloggy thing with the next few episodes since I'm on break, so if there's anybody out there who actually reads these things and was sad I skipped so much, maybe that will make it up to you.

[dlwritings]

Supernatural Minds | Sam Winchester

general masterlist found here

pairing - Sam x BAU!reader word count - 6,006 (*John Mulaney voice* Holy shit, right?) warnings - language, themes from Supernatural and Criminal Minds

(A/N) - I don’t know wtf happened in my brain but apparently I needed a Supernatural x Criminal Minds crossover

summary - Jody Mills calls her friend at the BAU to help crack a serial killer case. Sam and Dean think it’s impossible to profile a werewolf. So who’s right about the bad guy? The FBI or the hunters?

(Y/N) was sitting on her bed in her pajamas, watching a movie and inhaling popcorn when suddenly, her phone rang. She paused her movie and checked the caller ID, smiling when the name Jody Mills flashed across the screen. “Well hey there, sheriff,” she said. “It’s been too long.”

“I wish I was calling for pleasantries,” Jody said.

“Ah I knew you were just using me for my federal perks,” she teased. “What’s up?”

“My chief of police already sent files to your office,” she said. “We’ve got something pretty messed up over here.”

(Y/N) sat up a little straighter. “What kind of messed up are we talking?”

Jody sighed. “Remember the first case of yours you ever told me about?”

She scoffed. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“The man who used his son to kill women,” she said. “And he’d-”

“Cut out their hearts,” (Y/N) finished, shuddering. “Yeah. I remember.”

Jody sighed again. “It’s sounding a lot like that.” (Y/N) sighed in response and rubbed her forehead with her hand.

“Thanks for the heads up,” she said. “I’m sure JJ’ll brief us tomorrow. So I guess I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“I wish it was under better circumstances,” Jody said.

“Tell you what,” (Y/N) said, “after we solve the case, you can cook me some dinner.”

Jody laughed. “Deal.”

The next day, as (Y/N) expected, JJ called everyone into the conference room to give a rundown of the case Jody had sent. “Sioux Falls, South Dakota,” she said, handing everyone a copy of the file. “They’ve had four murders in the past four weeks. They’ve all been women in their 30s, single.”

“Any connection between the victims?” Morgan asked.

“All classic blonde haired beauties,” JJ said. “They were all last seen entering their homes, but no one noticed them leave. No forced entry into any home indicates they left with the unsub voluntarily.”

“How are we sure it’s the same killer?” Prentiss asked.

“They’ve all been dumped in the exact same spot,” JJ said. “An abandoned salvage yard.”

“Anything else?” Morgan asked.

“Yeah,” JJ said, switching the screen to photos of the bodies. “There’s this too.”

“What is-”

“Every victim was missing their heart,” JJ said, cutting Morgan off.

Everyone sighed, and (Y/N) dropped the file on the table and put her head in her hands. “Alright,” Hotch said. “Wheels up in 30.”

On the plane, (Y/N) sat next to Morgan as she continued looking over the case file. “You’re from Sioux Falls, right?” he asked her.

“Yeah,” she said. “The sheriff who asked for our help’s an old friend. I haven’t been back in a while though.”

“You looking forward to it?” Morgan asked.

“What, to investigating a violent crime scene?” she quipped.

Morgan chuckled. “You know what I mean.”

She shrugged. “Not exactly a lot of happy memories there.” Morgan nodded and dropped the subject.

“Alright, let’s brief,” JJ said. “What have we got?”

“The unsub’s able to coerce the victims into leaving their homes with no force,” (Y/N) said.

“There are no signs that sexual assault takes place before he cuts their hearts out and dumps them at the salvage yard,” Morgan added.

“The precision with which he cuts the hearts out implies he’s some sort of doctor,” Reid said.

“Are we looking at a psychotic break?” Prentiss asked.

“Maybe,” Reid said. “The hearts most likely mean something. They’re his trophies, but he’s trying to make a statement.”

“A brokenhearted man?” (Y/N) offered.

Morgan scoffed. “With a seriously messed up way of coping.”

They landed in South Dakota and made their way to the crime scene. As soon as they arrived, (Y/N) spotted Jody. She excused herself from the rest of the group and jogged over to her. Jody welcomed her with open arms. “It’s been too long,” (Y/N) said.

“You’re telling me,” Jody said. “I hardly recognize you.”

“Shut up,” she laughed. “It hasn’t been that long.”

Jody chuckled and looked over (Y/N)’s shoulder just as the rest of the team joined them. “Jody, these are my colleagues-” She motioned to everyone respectively. “-SSAs Hotchner, Morgan, Prentiss, Jareau, Gideon, and Dr. Reid.” Jody shook everyone’s hands.

“Thank you all for coming out,” she said. “We don’t get a lot of serial killers in this area, so we’re feeling a little in over our heads.” JJ went to speak with the chief of police while Jody showed the rest of them the bodies.

“This is Bobby Singer’s place, right?” (Y/N) asked.

“Was,” Jody said. “Bobby died about, oh, eight years ago now.”

“Who found the bodies?” Gideon asked.

“A local teen boy,” she said. “This place has become a pretty popular smoking site for teens after Bobby left it.”

“What else can you tell us?” Morgan asked.

“Laine-” Jody pointed to the body closest to (Y/N). “-was the first victim. Alyssa went missing the following week, then Rachel, and finally, Tara.” Jody sighed. “None of them older than 35. All real nice girls. They’ve lived in the town their whole lives.”

“Were you able to discern when the bodies were dropped?” Reid asked. “Like what time or what day?”

“The boy who found the bodies is a good boy,” she said. “Charlie Miller. He and his friends come out here to smoke so their parents don’t bust ‘em. Still, like I said, he’s a good boy. He said they were here Thursday night, left around 1:00 in the morning. Charlie realized he left his wallet, so he came back the next morning. He got here about 7:30 on his way to school. That was when he found the body.”

“So this guy’s dumping them in the dead of night,” (Y/N) said.

“Did Charlie and his friends not notice the other bodies every other time they’ve been here?” Morgan asked.

“That’s one of the strange things,” Jody said. “All the other bodies were covered by a tarp. This one wasn’t.”

“So he’s getting sloppy?” Prentiss said. “Maybe he was in a hurry?"

“This kind of unsub doesn’t get sloppy,” Gideon said. “Something scared him. He had to run.”

“You think he almost got caught?” Jody asked.

“I’m thinking we need to talk to Charlie again,” Gideon said. “He might’ve seen more than he let on.”

-

Sam and Dean arrived at the scene, ready to flash their badges. They passed the yellow tape and saw Jody. Sam called her name, and everyone Jody was with turned to look in their direction. “Feds?” Dean asked his brother.

“Real feds,” Sam emphasized.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Dean mumbled. Jody met the boys halfway, leading them away from the group of suits. She greeted them with hugs.

“What the hell are you two doing here?” she asked.

“Claire called,” Dean said. “Heard you got a werewolf.”

Jody sighed. “I told her, it’s not a werewolf.”

“She said the victims are all missing hearts,” Sam said.

“But they weren’t ripped out,” Jody said.

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked. Jody huffed and rolled her eyes.

“You see those people over there?” she said. “That’s the real FBI. So who are you guys pretending to be today?” Dean mumbled something Jody didn’t catch. “Don’t mumble,” Jody scolded somewhat playfully.

Dean sighed. “Agents Stark and Banner.”

Jody shook her head in disbelief. “These guys are with the BAU.”

“BAU?” Sam repeated.

“Behavior Analysis Unit,” Jody said. “Their entire job is to profile people. They’ll be able to smell the fake FBI on you.”

“Then who do you want us to be?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know,” Jody said. “I’ll just call you some experts.”

They all walked over to the feds, and Jody introduced them, not bothering with fake names. The boys both crouched down beside the most recent body and examined the wounds. Jody kept the BAU busy. “Maybe she’s right,” Sam said. “Maybe it’s not our thing.”

“Come on, man,” Dean said. “Missing hearts? This is classic werewolf.”

“I’ve never seen a werewolf take the time to carve out the heart,” Sam argued.

“Explain the cattle mutilations,” Dean said. “Those were all missing hearts too.” Sam sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked over at Jody and the BAU. He noticed one of the agents staring in their direction. “What are you thinking?” Dean asked, snapping Sam out of his thoughts. Sam looked at his brother and sighed.

“You’re not gonna like it,” Sam said. Dean just raised his eyebrows. “Hearing what the BAU is thinking would be helpful.”

“You want to work with actual feds?” Dean asked. “They’ve got sticks so far up their asses, they’ll never let us in.”

“If Jody says-”

“Doesn’t matter what Jody says,” Dean said. “If we even utter the word werewolf-”

“Maybe we don’t have to say it,” Sam said. “We can still listen to their profile and figure the rest out on our own.” Dean sighed, looked at Sam for another moment, then looked back over at Jody and called her over. She held up a finger to the people in the BAU and walked back over to the boys. “Is there any way you can convince them to let us in on this?” Sam asked her.

“Suddenly you boys want to hunt serial killers?” Jody asked with raised eyebrows.

“Sam’s always been a sick fan of true crime,” Dean said to which Sam rolled his eyes.

“Dean still thinks it’s a werewolf,” Sam said, “and if he’s right, your agents aren’t going to have a clue what to do once they find him.” Jody looked at both boys before letting out another sigh.

“If this gets me fired,” she said, “it’s on both of your asses.”

When Jody walked back over to the BAU with both of the boys, (Y/N) looked at them carefully. Brothers. The one Jody introduced as Dean was older. The eye contact Sam made with the rest of the team implied his people skills were better than his brother’s. Their hands -visibly rough- meant they frequented hand-to-hand combat, which was somewhat uncommon for agents of any kind. Neither of them had holsters with a gun, so (Y/N) assumed they kept them in the back of their pants, if they were armed at all. Every agent she knew kept it in a holster when they were on the job. To her, and she was sure the rest of the team, these boys didn’t have any federal qualifications. So why the hell was Jody vouching for them? And what kind of experts were they?

While Jody was talking with the men, the team had been talking and creating a profile. “Jody, tell your chief we’re ready to give a profile,” (Y/N) told her. “We’ll regroup at the station.”

Once at the station, the BAU got the attention of the police officers. “Your unsub is a white male in his 30s,” Hotch said.

“He’s handsome,” Prentiss said, “and probably charming.”

“The women go with him willingly,” (Y/N) said. “There are no defense wounds on any of the victims.”

“All of the women were found with midazolam in their system,” Reid said. “That along with the precision of the cuts on the chest indicate he works in some sort of hospital. He has the skills and access to tools and medication.”

“The use of midazolam means his victims are awake while he’s removing their hearts,” Morgan said. “Midazolam is a sedative. It’s used to keep them drowsy, but still awake.”

“There’s no sexual component to these crimes,” Gideon said, “which means it’s more likely he’s trying to make a point. It might just be the sickest way this guy knows to make it.”

“We think he’s suffering from some form of borderline personality disorder,” Reid said. “So he thinks all relationships revolve around him. Looking at him, you wouldn’t notice anything odd about him.”

“Like we said,” Prentiss added, “charming. Only those who know him well would see any of the symptoms: intense bouts of drinking, anger, depression.”

“Sounds like you,” Sam muttered to Dean. Dean elbowed him in the ribs as Jody slapped the back of his head.

“Focus,” Jody said. Hotch dismissed everyone, and (Y/N) kept eyeing Jody and the Winchesters. Winchester. Something about the name wasn’t sitting right with (Y/N). She separated from the rest of the group and found herself calling Penelope.

“She who seeks the Queen of All Knowledge,” Garcia said, “speak and be recognized.”

“Can you keep a secret?” (Y/N) asked.

“Uh, not happily,” she said.

“I need you to look up some names for me,” (Y/N) said.

“And why is that a secret?” she asked.

“It’s not exactly part of the case,” she answered. “I just need you to jog my memory.”

“Alright,” she said. “Who are they?”

“Sam and Dean Winchester.”

“On it,” Garcia said. (Y/N) could hear her clicking away, and before she knew it, she spoke. “Brothers. Um, both died in 2012. Extensive criminal record. They were on our most wanted list when they were alive. Credit card fraud, breaking and entering, grave desecration, arson, grand theft auto, murder, kidnapping, assaulting an officer, and impersonation. Seems like they were bad news.”

“Right,” (Y/N) said with a nod. “Thanks. You’re the best, babe.”

“I know.”

The night came, and (Y/N) decided to leave the hotel the team was staying at to go pay Jody a visit. When she got there, she saw the lights on. She walked up to the door and lightly gripped her gun that was in her holster. She knocked on the door and waited for someone to come. As soon as the door opened and Sam answered, she pulled out her gun and held it up to him. Sam immediately put his hands up. “Step back,” she said. Sam did, and (Y/N) let herself into the house, keeping her gun aimed at Sam. “Jody!” she called.

Jody and Dean both came into the hallway then, and Jody’s eyes grew wide. “Okay, okay,” Jody said, slowly walking towards (Y/N). “Relax. Tell me what’s going on.”

“What’s going on,” she quipped, “is that this is Sam and Dean Winchester, and they died almost eight years ago. So what the hell are they doing in your house?”

“(Y/N), put your gun down,” Jody said. “I can explain everything.” She let her eyes flicker over to Jody before looking back at the giant of a man in front of her. Then she sighed and put her gun back in her holster. Sam put his hands down. “Can I get you a drink?” Jody said to her.

“I’m good,” she said.

“She’s gonna need a drink,” Dean said. She glared at him, but Jody must’ve agreed because she came back into the room and handed (Y/N) the beer.

“Okay,” (Y/N) said after taking a long drink of the beer. “What the hell’s happening?” Jody and Sam sighed, but Dean seemed unaffected.

“Your killer’s a werewolf.”

“Dean,” Sam scolded.

“What?” Dean said. “What better way is there to say it?”

(Y/N) just laughed. “You’re shitting me, right?” She looked at Jody. “Right?”

“Ten years ago, I would’ve said the same thing,” Jody said. “But then my son came back from the dead and killed my husband.”

“Came back from the dead?” (Y/N) repeated.

“Full on zombie action,” Dean said. (Y/N) drank another large gulp of her beer.

“Every monster you’ve ever heard of,” Sam said slowly, “what you were told as a kid? It’s all true. Werewolves, vampires, ghosts, demons, they’re all real.”

“And you think,” (Y/N) said, “that this guy cutting hearts out is a werewolf.”

“We’re not entirely sure,” Sam said. “Werewolves eat hearts, but they don’t usually cut them out so meticulously.”

“Then why do you think it’s a werewolf?” she asked. “I’ve seen killers cut out hearts before, and they weren’t werewolves.”

“There have also been several cattle mutilations in the area,” Sam said. “All found missing their hearts.”

“So?”

“Werewolves can survive on animal hearts,” Dean said. “But they don’t prefer it.”

“So you think a werewolf suddenly lost his taste for cow hearts?” (Y/N) asked. “Caved to his true nature?”

“Could be,” Sam said.

“That still doesn’t explain the precision of the wounds,” she said, standing up from the couch now. She thought better when she paced. “You’re saying werewolves rip hearts out, right?” The boys and Jody nodded. “Then why does this werewolf exhibit so much restraint?”

Everyone was quiet for a moment as (Y/N) muttered softly to herself, thinking through the situation. “You believe us,” Sam observed. She stopped and turned to look at him. They were all studying her, and she sighed and sat back on the couch.

“My parents were murdered when I was 18,” she said. “You remember that, Jody?”

“Yeah,” Jody nodded. “I don’t remember the specifics, but-”

“They had small holes just under their ear,” (Y/N) continued, “and their brains-” She hesitated, drank some beer, and sighed. “Their brains had been sucked dry.” The boys looked at each other while (Y/N) continued to stare into space. “I spent my entire college career and now adult life studying people. Profiling killers and rapists and arsonists and pedophiles and-” She shook her head and finally looked up at the others. “-I have never once come across a person who had the ability to drain the brain out of another human. If you’re telling me monsters exist, then maybe I can make sense of what killed my parents.” Everyone was quiet, and Sam moved from his chair to sit next to her on the couch.

He cleared his throat. “It’s called a wraith.” She looked up at him, feeling tears in her eyes. “It’s, um, it’s a kind of monster that feeds on the liquid of the brain. They have spikes on their wrists that they inject in the victim to, to drain them.” She covered her mouth with her hand, and Sam hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder.

“Oh my god,” she breathed out. “Are you serious?”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said. Her breath shook as she tried not to cry.

“Holy shit,” she whispered, putting her head in her hands. “Shit.” Sam hesitantly moved his hand from her shoulder to her back and rubbed it gently. “Shit, this is crazy. This is insane. I can’t-” She tried to catch her breath. She was an agent. She could handle this.

She sat up and looked at everyone. “How do you kill a werewolf?” she asked.

“Okay, we don’t even know for sure that it is a werewolf,” Sam said.

“But if it is,” she said.

“Silver bullet,” Dean said.

“Where do you get a silver bullet?” she said.

“We’ve got a bit of an arsonal,” Dean said. She raised her eyebrows.

“So, is this just what you guys do?” she asked. “You just kill monsters?”

“Pretty much,” Sam said.

“It’s a thankless business,” Dean said, to which Sam rolled his eyes. (Y/N)’s phone rang suddenly, and she jumped and picked it up.

“You got something?” she asked Morgan as soon as she answered.

“Hotch and Reid reinterviewed the kid, Charlie,” Morgan said. “He said he actually saw the unsub dumping the body. He thinks the guy might’ve seen him.”

“So that’s what spooked him into running,” she deducted.

“There’s more,” he said. “We got two more victims.”

“Two?” she repeated, standing up from the couch again.

“Yeah,” he said. “Where are you?”

“With Sherif Mills,” she answered.

“Well, bring her too,” Morgan said. “You’ll want to see this.”

“Where are you?” she asked.

“Where Skunk Creek meets 469th,” he said.

“Be right there.”

(Y/N) hung up the phone with Morgan and looked at Jody, Sam, and Dean. “They found more bodies,” she said.

“Plural?” Jody said.

“That’s what he said,” she said. “Let’s go.” Sam and Dean stood up as well, and (Y/N) held her hand up to stop them. “I’m surprised none of the others have recognized you yet,” she said. “You were on the most wanted list for years. If they’ve caught on by now, you’ll be arrested on sight.”

“So what, you want us to stay here?” Dean asked.

“I don’t want you to,” she said, “I’m telling you to.”

“Listen,” Dean said, taking a step closer to her. She didn’t back down. “I know you think you know everything about killers, but profiling isn’t going to help when your killer is a werewolf.”

“I’m saving you from federal prison,” she said back. “You should be thanking me.” Dean looked like he was going to say something again, but Sam stopped him.

“Thank you,” Sam said. “We’d still like to help however we can.”

“I can send you pictures of the scene,” she said. “Would you be able to tell me if there are any-” She hesitated. “-werewolf signs?” Sam cracked a smile. She took note of his dimples right away and felt her cheeks warm.

“Yeah,” he said. “We can spot werewolf signs.” (Y/N) hadn’t realized she was grinning like an idiot until Jody gently nudged her.

“Let’s go girl,” she said to her.

“Right,” (Y/N) said. “Okay. Let’s go.”

As soon as they both got in the car-

“Don’t say it, Jody,” (Y/N) said.

“No matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other,” she said, “your heart-eyes face has not changed.”

“Oh my god,” (Y/N) said, rolling her eyes as Jody pulled out of the driveway.

“I’m just saying,” she said, smiling. “Sam’s a good guy. A lot of baggage, a bit of a temper, but-”

“You’re sure good at selling him,” she said back.

Jody laughed. “He’s a good guy, (Y/N). You could do a lot worse.”

She sighed. “Let’s just focus on stopping this, this werewolf serial killer.”

The dump site looked completely different than the salvage yard. One victim was a female, heart cut out just like the first. The other-

“Male, 30s,” Morgan said. “It looks like the heart was literally-”

“-ripped out of the chest,” (Y/N) finished. Morgan looked at her as she crouched beside the body, using her gloved hand to move some of the fabric of the guy’s shirt. She gave Jody a look, silently telling her to distract the others. She caught on and moved them away from the bodies so (Y/N) could snap some pictures. She had gotten Sam’s phone number from Jody in the car, so she sent them to Sam with the message, This the kind of thing you’re looking for?

She rejoined the group just as they were discussing the case. “What changed?” Prentiss asked. “Why two victims? And why are they killed so differently?”

“He could be devolving,” Reid offered.

“No,” Gideon said. “There’s no way the same unsub did these two killings.”

“He found a partner,” Hotch said.

“You’re saying there’s two suspects now?” Jody asked.

“Look at this,” Gideon said, walking over to the bodies again. “These attacks, the method is completely different. The original unsub used the same method. He took his time. Carved carefully. He still has a point to make. The new unsub, they’re motivated by rage. They don’t have the same amount of patience.”

“But look,” (Y/N) said, grabbing the arm of the newly mutilated victim, “the man was still injected.”

“The first unsub is still in charge of collecting the victims,” Morgan said. “He drugs them and brings them to the second unsub. They kill together.”

(Y/N)’s phone rang, and she looked and saw it was Sam. She excused herself and stepped away from the group. “What’s up?” she said, answering the phone.

“You have two killers,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said. “We kind of just gathered that.”

“We think you were right with the first guy,” Sam said. “He wasn’t a werewolf. But he was collecting the hearts for the werewolf.”

“It would explain why there were cattle mutilations around town,” Dean added. (Y/N) realized she was on speaker. “The werewolf was getting hearts from cows, but the killer wanted to impress her, so he brought her human hearts.”

“The hearts aren’t trophies,” (Y/N) muttered, suddenly gaining clarity. “They were gifts.”

“Once the werewolf got a taste of human hearts, she couldn’t take cow anymore,” Sam said. “She wanted to join the hunt.”

“But the first unsub couldn’t stop the killing,” she added. “He’s gotten the taste for it. He’s hooked. So now they do it together.”

“We still don’t know who they are though,” Dean said.

“But we have enough,” she said. “Let me talk to my team. I’ll keep you posted.”

She walked back over to her team. “I think it’s a couple,” she said. “Recently divorced. The second unsub is his ex-wife. He got the hearts for her, and now she’s joining him in the hunts.”

“How is she ripping the hearts out?” Morgan asked.

“I’m not sure,” (Y/N) said, not being able to tell the full truth. She looked at Jody. “Can you think of any male physicians in town? Surgeons? Recently divorced, like, right before the killings started. Handsome, charming, but-”

“William,” Jody said. “William Barkley. He and his ex-wife just got divorced. Um, her name’s Bianca.”

“Do you have an address?” Gideon asked.

“Uh, not off the top of my head,” Jody said.

“On it,” Morgan said. He already had his phone pressed to his ear. “Garcia, I need an address for William Barkley in Sioux Falls.” He paused. “Thanks baby girl.” He looked at the rest of the group. “237 Duffron.”

Everyone got in their cars and sped off to the location. (Y/N) opted to ride with Jody. “We’re not equipped to fight a werewolf, Jody,” she said. ���What are we doing?”

“Call Sam,” she said. “Give him the address. They can meet us there.”

“If my team recognizes-”

“The other option is we all get attacked by something they don’t understand,” she said. (Y/N) weighed the options quickly and picked up her phone, dialling Sam’s number. She spewed off the address.

“Don’t come in right away,” she said. “The werewolf might not even be there, and the last thing we need is two flannel wearing hillbillies to come in, guns blazing.”

“We’re not hillbillies,” Dean said.

“Do you always put your phone calls on speaker?” she asked.

Sam laughed. “We’ll meet you there.”

They sped off towards the house, and Morgan kicked the door open upon arrival. “William Barkley?” he called. “FBI!” They all made their way through the house, checking and clearing rooms. Suddenly, Prentiss shouted from the basement.

By the time (Y/N) got down there, they already had William in handcuffs. (Y/N) rushed over to help Prentiss release the two most recent victims. “You’re okay, you’re okay,” she said as one of the victims collapsed against her, shaking with sobs. “You’re safe. You’re okay.”

When they got the women into ambulances, (Y/N) jogged over to where they were putting William into a police car. “Where is Bianca?” she asked.

“I was just trying to show her,” he said, “show her I love her no matter what. No matter who she became.”

“Where, is, Bianca?” she pressed.

“I knew hunters were coming,” he said. “I knew they were onto her.”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Morgan asked.

“(Y/N), we have to bring him back to the station,” Hotch said.

“Hang on!” she snapped. “Did you tell her to run?” William nodded. “Where did she go?”

“If she was going to die,” he said, “I wanted her to see something beautiful. One last sunrise. One last happy memory.”

“I got it,” Jody said. “I know where she is.”

“Take (Y/N) with you,” Gideon commanded. (Y/N) and Jody ran back to the car, and (Y/N) called Sam. She put him on speaker so Jody could spew off Bianca’s location.

“Do not do anything until we get there,” Sam said. “Your bullets will do nothing against a werewolf.”

The boys drove fast, because the four arrived at the scene at the same time. “How do you know she’s here?” Dean asked as he and Sam stepped out of the Impala.

“William said something about a final sunrise,” she said. “This is the best spot in town to catch a good sunrise.”

“So you just ran with that?” Dean asked.

“I know my town,” Jody said. “Don’t start-”

“Sam!”

The younger Winchester spun around when (Y/N) called his name. His reflexes weren’t fast enough, and Bianca tackled him to the ground. (Y/N) knew she didn’t have the right kind of bullets to do any good, so she did the only thing she could think to do. She ran up to the pair and tackled Bianca off of Sam. On instinct, she tried to get Bianca on her stomach so she could cuff her, but Bianca was way stronger than she expected. She rolled them over so Bianca was on top, and she let out a growl that made (Y/N)’s stomach turn.

Pain seared through her shoulder and bicep when Bianca dug her claws into her skin. She let out a scream and squeezed her eyes shut. A shot rang out, and Bianca’s body fell off (Y/N). She winced and tried to catch her breath. One look down at her arm had her closing her eyes again. “Shit,” she whispered. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Hey, hey,” Sam said, rushing over to her side. “You’re okay.”

“Did she bite me?” she asked. “Oh my god, can’t you turn into a werewolf from a bite? Oh my god. I don't want to-”

“No, no, hey, you’re good,” Sam said. It almost looked to (Y/N) like he wanted to laugh. “There’s no bite. It’s just a bad scratch. You’ll be okay.”

“Wow,” she breathed out. “This is the craziest day of my whole life.” She looked up at Sam, and he smiled and helped her sit up. “And you do this everyday?”

“We have some days off,” he said. She laughed, then winced at the pain. Jody and Dean jogged over to them. “Can you patch her up at your place?” Sam asked.

“No,” (Y/N) said. “You have to take me to a real hospital. My team’ll get suspicious if Jody does it.”

“What are you going to say?” Dean asked.

“That the unsub was crazy,” she said. “She had some claw-like weapon and that was what she used to rip the hearts out.”

“What happened to the weapon?” Sam asked hypothetically.

“I took it in as evidence,” Jody said. “The team doesn’t need to see it.”

“Glad we got our story straight,” (Y/N) said. “Can I go get stitches now?”

(Y/N) was in and out of surgery rather quickly. The team visited her in the hospital room, even though she knew she’d be released pretty quickly. “Guys, seriously,” she laughed, “I’m fine. Hell, I can meet you back at Quantico.”

“We’re not leaving you in South Dakota,” Morgan said. “We can stick around.”

“There’s not a lot to do in Sioux Falls,” she argued.

“Hey now,” Jody said, suddenly coming into the room, “if memory serves me, you found a lot of things to do when you grew up around here.”

“You knew (Y/N) when she was a kid?” Prentiss asked.

“Oh yeah,” Jody said with a smile.

“I have a lot of questions for you,” Morgan asked with a grin.

“You guys are the worst,” (Y/N) said. There was a soft knock at the frame of the door to (Y/N)’s hospital room, and everyone turned to look and found Sam and Dean. (Y/N)’s eyes grew wide.

If those idiots get busted-

“Hey,” Sam said. “Uh, I just, we just wanted to bring you these.” He handed her a bouquet of flowers, and she felt her cheeks turn warm as everyone looked at her.

“Thank you,” she said. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, uh, I know,” Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just-”

There were a lot more people in the room than he expected there to be.

JJ cleared her throat. “(Y/N), we’ll be in the waiting room,” she said.

“Uh, no we won’t,” Morgan said. JJ rolled her eyes at him and grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the room along with the rest of the team. Jody and Dean must’ve followed, because (Y/N) and Sam were soon alone.

“You seriously didn’t have to bring the flowers,” she told him again.

“No, I know,” he said again. “I just know seeing monsters for the first time can be a lot to handle, not to mention getting attacked by one.”

“When did you see your first monster?” she asked him. He chuckled dryly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“I guess I was six months old,” he said.

“Jesus,” she said. “Do you remember it?” He gave a sad smile.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget it,” he said.

“So you’ve been hunting your whole life?” she asked.

“Pretty much,” he said. “It’s kind of the family business.”

She nodded. “Do you like it?”

Sam scoffed. “It varies day to day.” He paused. “What about you? You like the BAU?”

She mimicked Sam’s scoff. “It varies day to day.”

“How about today?” he asked.

She smiled. “It’s not so bad.”

“Well, for the record,” he said, “if it ever gets old, you tackled a werewolf today. I think you could easily make it as a hunter.”

“Yeah?” she said. “Good to know.” Sam smiled again and cleared his throat.

“Alright,” he said. “Well, if you ever find yourself on a monster hunt again, give us a call.” He started to turn away, but (Y/N) said his name again.

“You know I read people for a living,” she said. Sam raised his eyebrows. “If you want to kiss me so bad, why don’t you just do it?” Sam’s face raised into a smirk, and he took one step back over to her. He leaned over and kissed her lips softly. She laid her hand on his cheek and smiled, kissing him back. When he pulled away, he hung his head with a slight laugh.

“You’re a pretty good profiler,” he said.

She smiled. “I know.”

(Y/N) bid farewell to Jody the next day, taking a rain check on dinner and promising to visit Sioux Falls again sooner rather than later. On the plane back to Quantico, everyone was pretty quiet, keeping to themselves. Suddenly, Gideon sat in front of (Y/N). “Flowers, huh?” he said. (Y/N) smiled, embarrassed, and looked at the bouquet Sam had given her that she decided to bring back with her. “You know,” he continued, “something about those boys wasn’t sitting right with me. I couldn’t shake the name. Winchester. Why did I know that name?”

Her heart fell to her stomach.

“Sir-”

“Then I realized,” he said, “it must just be those Winchester rifles.”

But (Y/N) was a profiler, and she could see through him. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and folding his hands.

“I don’t know what happened when you went off with Sheriff Mills,” he said, “but I do know you weren’t alone.” She swallowed nervously. “I also know you came back in one piece,” he continued. He hesitated, looked out the window, then looked at her again. “I also know that some files in the system have inexplicably vanished. So if anyone looks up Winchester, all they’ll find is some history on those rifles.”

Her lips parted slightly, comprehending what he said. “Thank you,” she whispered. Gideon gave her a fraction of a smile.

“For what?”

-

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win” - Stephen King

----- ----- ----- -----

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[rynhaswritersblock]

quaranteens (hc) | p.p.

summary: how you and petey boi spend your quarantine <3

i'm not even writing a warning for this one at this point y'all now how i write HAHA

+ + +

- covid-19

- coronavirus

- lil shitbag asshole virus

- Y'ALL KNOW THE DEAL

- it's QUARANTIME WITH Y/N AND PETER

- let's get it !

being quarantined with peter parker at avengers headquarters

- lots of animal crossing

- like lots

- you and peter visit each other's islands and it's SO FUNNY

- you keep BONKING each other on the head with your nets

- you shake a tree and a wasps nest falls out

- naturally you yell "SHIT" and steve yells "LANGUAGE"

- so you start fucking SPRINTING (in the game lmao) TO RUN AWAY FROM THE WASPS

- AND POOR PETER GETS STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF IT

- AND THE WASPS START FOLLOWING HIM

- AND HE GETS BIT

- you start fucking WHEEZING

- you cannot breathe

- peter just sets the switch down and throws his head back, letting out an annoyed groan/yell

- "bitch ass motherfucker" he whispers as he picks the switch back up

- let's not forget to mention the fact that

- the entire time you and peter are playing

- the two of you are like intertwined

- most of the time your head is in his lap or vice versa

- like y'all get into the WEIRDEST POSITIONS on the couch

- sometimes steve or tony or nat or any of them really will walk by and be like "wtf... kinda cute doe"

- but it's so comfy!!!!!!

- and when y'all play at night it's of course in your rooms

- usually it'll start with the two of you separated

- and then one of you is usually like "why the fuck are we apart right now" and goes into the other's room

- then y'all will get all close to each other and play and there'll just be occasional giggling and tiny conversations and cussing here and there

- peter just starts to HARASS one of ur villagers

- you get a little upset but it's AL so you're like... lol not my problem

- one day peter shows you this tiktok where some couple was playing together and it was like "how me and my bf are spending quarantine apart"

- AND THEIR CHARACTERS ARE LIKE... FUCKING

- BUT ANIMAL CROSSING STYLE

- ANIMAL CROSSING: NEW HORIZONS. RATED E FOR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

- but you and peter find it SO FUNNY

- SO NATURALLY

- you know what's coming

- YOU AND PETER COPY THEM

- irl the two of you are DYING in his bed

- like rolling all over the place because you're laughing so hard

- peter uses a popper as... you know... and you YELL CAUSE YOU LAUGHED SO HARD

- also it's 4 in the fucking morning

- MEANWHILE

- on the OTHER SIDE OF THE HALL

- sam is FED UP

- !!

- he's like what in the everloving HELL are they DOING!!!

- so

- the man enters the premises like

ಠಿ_ಠ

"what the hell are you two-"

"look!"

- you can barely get that word out because of your laughter

- but you hold up the switch

- sam watches and realizes RIGHT AS PETER USES ANOTHER POPPER

- HE SEES THAT YOU'RE LIKE LAYING DOWN ON THE BED AND HE'S STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU AT YOUR FEET

- the LOOK on his face

- he fucking smiles and buries his face in his hands, shaking his head

- when he finally composes himself his eyes are fucking

watering

"i might just have to get that game.."

- okay that's it for the animal crossing section of this imagine lol i'm obsessed with this game AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE IT

- I HAVE WATCHED FAR TOO MANY VIDEOS

- OKAY MOVING ON!!!!!!!!!!

- the AMOUNT of TV the two of you watch

- the two of you alternate shows you pick (so like peter chooses then you then peter etc etc)

- peter chooses b99 (bae)

- y'all finish that shit in a WEEK

- then you recommend euphoria

- he's like uh okay

- cause he knows how inappropriate that show is lol

- so every time there's a dick on the screen he covers your eyes

- and every time there's b00bies on the screen you cover his

- and some point he's like

"y/n you do realize that i've seen boobs before"

- you're like

- i mean yeah but i refuse to think about that because you're supposed to be innocent and pure and a puppy dsfjkdfnkj

- so you retort

"and you do realize that i've seen a dick before?"

- peter is the more jealous baby

- he pauses the show and shifts his body towards you

"wait, where?"

- you cringe

"some kid i'd just met sent me a dick pic.."

- peter's like okay convo over

- the two of you keep watching but now it's more uncomfortable

- at the end of the episode you were watching (imma say episode two lol)

- you bust out laughing

"you know the kid's dick was like... small, right? like i didn't enjoy receiving that picture? it was unsolicited, peter"

- he laughs lightly

"yeah, okay"

- you poke his cheek

"someone's jealous"

- he gasps

"i am NOT jealous!"

"you just don't like the fact that i've seen a dick"

"i guess, yeah"

"peter, i'm going to eventually"

- the poor kid is like we need to stop talking about penises right the fuck now

- SO YOU TWO KEEP WATCHING

- im so sorry for writing that part in haha it just came to mind and it's CONTENT you know and i really feel like it's a realistic convo to have in that situation

- the last episode makes you cry and you don't even realize you're crying until peter holds you closer and wipes the tear off your cheek

- bae

- let's just say the two of you finished euphoria in a day

- okay also

- DANCE PARTIES!!

- the amount of dance parties the two of you had... insurmountable

- like y'all would be training together and a bop would come on and you'd stop punching just to jump around and make complete fools of yourselves

- the two of you had to have a dance party after finishing euphoria because that shit put you in a FUNK

- but yeah

- dance!!!!!!!!!!!

- okay BAKING!!!!!

- y'all made so much food

- cookies

- cake

- pretzels

- brownies

- like

- never going hungry

- half the time the kitchen is a whole MESS but it's okay cause when you do clean it up you and peter throw bubbles at each other and it's great

- steve swears everyone is going to get so out of shape

- so he comes up with a system

- everyone gets snack time together and then thirty minutes later everyone goes and trains to make up for the extra calories

- and lemme just say

- the training sessions go HARD

- everyone is fucking sugar high it's the most chaotic thing ever

- music blaring

- sam and bucky are wrestling

- tony and steve are arguing in the corner (award for most calories burnt)

- nat and wanda are fighting bruce and pietro and nearly kill each other

- meanwhile you and petey boi are seeing who can do the most complicated gymnastics set

- as soon as the boy does a layout you're like okay BYE

- so yeah

- baking!!!!!!

- time for even more fluff

- cuddling

- oh

- my

- god

- you and peter LITERALLY NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER

- the two of your are in physical contact 99% OF THE TIME

- and that's mainly peter's fault because he lowkey clingy but YOU LOVE IT

- the two of you build a fort in the commons and have movie marathons along with your tv marathons

- occasionally one or more of the team will come chill with y'all

- there's an overall "no judgment zone" that has been declared at headquarters

- aka mind ya own fucking business

- unless someone is literally in a deep state of depression then something needs to be done

- but like

- literally everyone notices how often the two of you are just intertwined with each other

- it's 🅱razy

- also y'all order tons of pizza

- like tons

- thankfully u and peter are like ayo fast metabolism check! (smh i wish lol once i quit soccer it really hit me OOPS)

- OH AND SCHOOL

- y'all are switched to online school

- you and peter-man get really competitive with it to see who can finish all their work the fastest

- thing is the two of you literally have pretty much identical schedules so you end up going at the same pace to work together

- maybe you help each other on quizzes and tests

- no one will ever know

- and overall you two are lowkey thriving in that department because you end up finishing your work for the week in like two or three days and have the rest of the time to just VIBE

- a/n y'all i seriously recommend actually doing that like i get a SUPER big workload at the beginning of the week and as soon as i can i just ZOOOOOM and try to get it all knocked out and it's honestly really helpful

- obviously this can be really difficult for people who aren't self motivated and maybe depressed but i would just try!! if you can!! okay note over BACK TO THE SHITS N GIGGLES

- so yeah

- i don't really have anything else to say but

- overall being quarantined with peter and the team is really nice and the vibes are THERE

- fuck i got another idea

- okay

- it's the middle of the night and you and peter are watching some movie that netflix autoplayed

- the two of you get a notification and look at your phones at the same time

UPDATE: Midtown School of Science and Technology has now been shut down for the rest of the 2019-2020 school year. Online school will continue.

- the two of you visibly shrink

- deadass

- like you just slump over and toss your phone

- you curl up into the boy and a tear rolls down your cheek cause it finally hits you

- this shit is real..

- you sniffle and peter immediately turns to you and wipes your cheek

"hey, it's okay. i'm here."

"i don't know, i just... miss everyone, i guess."

- he nods

- and then he kisses you

- oh so softly

- i'm here

- ...

- okay MOMENT OVER I CAN'T TAKE HOW SERIOUS THAT WAS

- BASICALLY AFTER THAT YOU TWO DON'T REALLY DECLARE ANYTHING BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF QUARANTINE MAKING OUT.... OOPS

+ + +

thank u for reading loves

MWAH

[dancing-the-hellfire-rumba]

Dear Hannah,

Pairing: technically Destiel, but that’s not what this is about Word Count: 4.9k (wow wtf) Warnings: mentions of self-harm, cancer, shitty father John (as per usual), angst and angst and father-daughter love and angst. Summary: When Dean, strapped to a bed, coughing up a storm, catches sight of his newly-adopted baby girl, he decides that, if he is to leave this world, he has to leave something behind for his favorite person. So he writes a booklet, trying to tell her all the things he would’ve if he was alive. Author’s note: This was originally done for @welldonebeca​ ‘s 2019 Song Challenge but I fucked up thinking the deadline was the 31st of October instead of the 15th. Whatever the case, my prompt was movement, by Hozier, which I interpreted as Dean being fascinated by his daughter enough that he’s inspired to write a letter book to her. Of course this wouldn’t be the entire thing, but I had to keep it under wraps.

Feedback is always welcome! No beta, all mistakes are my own.

~~~~

Hannah,

Christ, it’s the third time I’m starting this. The truth is, I’m coming up with blanks as to how to actually start. This has got to be the best I’ve got.

I’ll tell you the moral of this story, my story,  from the get-go. Life’s a fucking bitch, okay? I want you to know that from now. I’d try to hold back on my swearing, but I want you to know me as the person I am, the person I’ve always been. I know what having an absent, terrible father’s like, as you’ll soon see, and I don’t want that for you. I wish I could tell you all this up close, give you advice, tell you all my crazy-ass stories as the dumbass of the teenager I was, and all the shenanigans your uncle (wow, Sam really is a friggin’ uncle!), by a campfire, while you drink your first beer.

Sadly, my odds aren’t looking so great, honey. So this is all I got. I know it’ll never be enough but something is better than nothing.

Enough with the chick flick introduction, though. Let’s start.

The pen’s heavy in his hand, and it’s equal parts the mental heaviness, the weight of the task, as it is his fatigue. Dean’s really just started this. He can’t believe it. The heaviness of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll get enough time to finish it settles on his chest like an anvil. There’s a solid chance he doesn’t make it before his time comes.

Hannah’s sitting right there, carelessly looking at the plastic, grinning stars above her crib. She’s so innocent, skin creamy, chocolaty and bright, a young, fearsome woman that’s gonna turn out to be so incredible, he’s certain. A small baby who’s soon to walk.

Dean already knows, this kid is destined for great things.

She’s gonna grow up, past the tutus and the miniature racing-car collections, she’s gonna have a movie she’ll play on repeat for ever and ever, with a song that he’ll learn by heart after having heard it so many times. She’s gonna go to high school and she’ll be bullied but she’ll learn to kick some serious ass. She’ll develop interests, she’ll have mediocre grades but a fiery passion and a love for anything alive.

She’ll, then, go to college. She’ll fall in love, with people and life itself. She’ll do what she loves most and she’ll be so damn good at it, she’ll excel.

And Dean… Dean will be nowhere near her to see all of it.

The bitterness… it makes his eyebrows stitch together, his lip curl in clear frustration and sadness. After everything he’s been through, finally finding the person he loves most and creating a full-ass apple pie life, and it’s all gonna be gone as soon as it started. Because, as he told his favorite Hannah, life’s a fucking bitch, and there’s no denying it.

As he lays there in his bed, pale as a sheet, watching her giggle for a while, reaching for the stars, soon yawning, small eyelids shutting softly and rocking just slightly, he… he falls in love with her. This tiny, tiny happy-beyond-words creature that could ask anything of him, and he’d do it, god damn it. He really would.

A giant bubble grows in his chest, a bubble that makes him feel like he’ll protect her at absolute all costs. He’ll grab the moon and fucking move it if that’s what she needs. And all she has to do is yawn and fall asleep.

A tear appears in the corner of his eye, lingering and falling down his ashy cheek. He can’t believe he brought this bright ray of sunshine to this world, and he’s about to make her live with an absent father. That he won’t get any memories with her at all. It’s torture. All of it.

He doesn’t know what else to do, so he grabs his pen with more determination. If he’s to leave her with something, it’ll be a part of him and that is that.

~~~~~

I was born on January 24th, 1979, the first son of a, dare I say, colossally unlucky family. Your uncle, Sam, my brother, is four years younger and will ALWAYS be a wimp, don’t let the height fool you. He always had terrible, shaggy hair and was always the sharpest tool in the box. Hell, the boy went to freaking LAW SCHOOL of all places! That’s kinda crazy!

My parents, your grandparents, were Mary and John.

Mary was a sweet, incredible, fearsome blonde woman, kindest of them all. She’d cut the crusts off my toast, sing Hey, Jude to me before bed and tell me angels were watching over me. (While we’re on the topic of the Beatles, make a note to listen to them. “Hey, Jude” must be your first song, but beyond the classics [Let it Be, Hard Day’s Night, I Saw Her Standing There, I Wanna Hold your hand etc] I hope “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” will hold a special spot in your heart, much like me.)

So, Mary. Sweet Mary. She was a real badass, you know. This one time, Sammy was hungry, so I decided to make, get this, French fries. I think I was seven. She caught me getting ready to pour oil in a very hot pan. When I say she swooped in, I mean it, quite literally. I think she saved me a hand that day.

Now, about John…You’ll have to forgive the mess that I’m about to make with this, but John was a fucking sorry excuse of a father, alright? He got piss-drunk every night after Mom died, and naturally, Sam and I were the punching bags, sometimes literally. The best nights were the ones he wasn’t home.

For years, the house was silent. Sam and I tried to keep everything clean, stock up on canned food, because at times we would only have ten bucks to hold us for over two weeks. I took him to school, fed him, made sure he studied –not that I really had to- and kept John of his hair. At sixteen I picked up a shift at Bobby Singer’s garage, a man that, at this point, deserves the Dad title significantly more than John.

Whenever Sammy was sick, it was my fault. Was anyone loud? Dean’s fault. House dirty? Dean’s fault. Did we wake him up? …Let’s just say we learned not to do that.

I tried to put myself before Sam, did anything I could to protect him. There were times when that wasn’t even enough.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen. The second I saved up enough money, I rented a hole of an apartment at the other side of town, in an attempt to help Sam have a normal life, and we hauled ass out of there.

Before I tell you about our shitty apartment, let me tell you about the highlights of my high school career. Starting off with me “unintentionally” kicking a ball at my least favorite teacher’s face (and hitting him) ((Don’t take your father’s example, kid, violence isn’t the answer.)) (Did feel pretty good at the time though), making out with Jenny in the Janitor’s closet and with Arthur at the locker rooms afterhours (I don’t know what age you’re reading this at, but I sure hope it’s over 16). Also, that one time I pulled a prank at my friend, Cole. I spray painted his entire locker. He didn’t like me very much, to be honest…

~~~~~

An important story I feel inclined to share with you, would be the fact that I was once a bully.

Kids are just mean, but also, I couldn’t understand that troubles at home, traumatic pasts and anger are not to be taken out on other people who are not at fault. Instead of finding a healthy way to deal with everything that was happening at home, I decided that every happy person that was weak enough to meddle with, didn’t deserve any happiness.

I picked on a couple of people, but I think the one I will always regret will be Kevin Tran.

Kevin was a freshman when I was in junior year. He was in the Math club, the Science club and the Robotics club. He had maybe two friends, he was skinny, short, shy as hell, he drowned himself in oversized clothes and always carried a neon green book bag around, that worked on me like red cloth to a bull.

Every time I spotted the bag in the hallway, the drill would start. Shoving the poor kid against the locker, calling him names and laughing at his face for no apparent reason. I’d steal his calculators when I found out he had chemistry tests, spray paint the door of his locker and cause rib bruises from my shoving him against walls and furniture.

I soon find out Kevin was severely depressed. In fact, I saw him in the back of the school, where I’d usually go out to smoke because I thought it was cool (it’s not, it makes you light headed, unfocused and struggle to breathe. Just an all-around terrible experience, but this is just a side-note.)

It was a Friday after school. I didn’t wanna go straight home and Sam still had one more period, so I decided to go smoke and listen to some music in the back of the school building. And that’s where I found him.

I don’t know into how much detail I should go here, but Kevin was harming himself. With a small pocket knife, he sat on an old basket and made incisions on his arms, tears running down his face like a faucet. My God, Hannah, I’ve never felt like a bigger piece of shit in my life, because I knew, and I knew very well, that at least part of those incisions were caused by me.

I called out to him, and the look on his face, as he scrambled away from me, made me feel so much worse. I was the scum of the earth at that moment. I was the biggest asshole on the planet.

My initial reaction, I’ll admit, was pretty harsh. I grabbed the pocket knife out of his hands and threw it as far as possible in the grass. I grabbed a small first aid kit I had in my bag (in case anything happens to Sam), made him sit down by force and bandaged him up. He’d been reduced to sniffles by the time I was done.

Somewhere in between, I remember, he asked me why I was doing this. I didn’t answer.

Eventually, when I was done, I sat on the ground in front of him, ripping blades of grass from the ground. I apologized. Something along the lines of “I didn’t know, not that that’s an excuse. What I’m going through is not an excuse, but I hope it makes you understand that it was nothing to do with you. I’ll stop. I’m sorry. Don’t do this to yourself, man.”

That evening, Kevin was one of the very first people who found out about John. His own dad had passed away, and things at home were rough with his mom. That, along with the whole depression thing… it wasn’t a good combo.

After a solid two hours of talking with him, making amends, apologizing profusely and getting my apology accepted (which I absolutely didn’t deserve by the way,) we made it back out front.

From then on, I stopped picking on anyone. Kevin and I actually became really good friends, though we drifted apart eventually. I think he works in Google now.

This is really important. I want you to pay attention and take heed of my words. There are a couple lessons in this story.

One, be kind. Always  be kind. To everyone. It doesn’t matter if they’re going through a rough time or not, the same way it didn’t matter that Kevin’s father was dead. You don’t know the other person. There’s never a reason to not be kind, if the person has done nothing to you. A smile can make somebody’s day, a compliment can go a long way, and being open and honest and kind will make people who are looking for help find you, it will make other’s lives better, and if you’ve helped even a single person, your life has been successful.

Two, never, and I mean never take your emotional pain out on yourself, or others. There are healthy ways to deal with ugly emotions. There are people who can help. Find a new hobby, as silly as it sounds. Start doing something creative, something that draws your attention elsewhere, like art of any kind, or, in my case, fixing cars. Something to keep you busy. If you’re in trouble, emotional or otherwise, there are people who love and support you, who will do their mightiest to be by your side, and if those aren’t your friends, they’re definitely your family.

Bottling up emotions, or dealing with them in horrible, unhealthy ways has been my go-to. Don’t be like me. Express yourself in different ways, and don’t keep your feelings shoved under the carpet, because it will, absolutely, unceremoniously explode, and you’ll take people down with you. And that’s when you’ll feel like the worst person in the world. The guilt, the residue of said ugly feelings isn’t worth it. Trust me.

If you make mistakes, if you hurt people who don’t deserve it, learn from it, grow, be better. Do not sink into yourself , don’t hate yourself. Apologize, make amends and move on, try to never do the same thing. It’s okay. We’re all human. The only thing that matters is that you try to be better.

No matter what, remember that I will always love you.              

~~~~

So. Our apartment back in Kansas was, as I told you, a real dump. It had a tiny-ass kitchen with a miniature stove, two mattresses that were creaky and lumpy and were left there by the previous owners, as well as the TINIEST bathroom you’ve ever seen. It didn’t have shower walls, it had a shower head and a drain on the floor and was not in any way separated from the toilet. The walls of the place were peeling, the floor was tiled and cracked in a bunch of places and the humidity must’ve been over 80%.

I fucking loved that place.

On our third day there, I borrowed some spray paints from Cole, carried them in a cardboard box up the claustrophobic, green stairs, and opened the door in absolute triumph. That day, Sam and I opened the two windows, scratched the paint off the walls with two spatulas and went WILD. It must’ve been the only day Sam didn’t study.

Actually, no, now that I think about it, there was another time, when little ol’ ten-year-old Sam fell off a ledge and freakin’ broke his arm. I dumped him on Cole’s bike and pedaled to the hospital like a maniac. That was the first day he didn’t study.

Anyways, that apartment wall made our crappy little living situation a home. Our own sanctuary. We finally got agency over our lives, from staying up late, to choosing which type of dish soap we’d use because it smelled better and didn’t remind us of the terror chores once were. Eventually, we got soft blankets, books, board games, decorations… Finally, after 18 years, we’d started our lives.

I think one of my favorite memories would be coming home from my first date with a guy. I was just 18 and Benny, the dude, kissed me before I left, his fists clutching at my flannel. I was driving home with a giant, dopey-ass smile, stretching from one ear straight to the other. That same night, with new-found confidence, I told Sammy to drop his book, bought ourselves some beers and snacks, and drove to my favorite clearing.

There, right under the stars, with Sammy trying out his first beer, I told him I’m bisexual, and the cute bastard hugged me and told me he loved me no matter what. That same night, he thanked me for everything I did for him while living with John. We talked until the sun was rising.

I’ll tell you this right now, kid, in case you haven’t gotten it yet. I love Sam. Love him to bits. I raised that kid all on my own and will do anything to protect him. I know he cares for me, I know it kills him to see me like this, in a bed, pale, miserable and coughing every three seconds. I just want you to know, honey, that whatever you need, anything at all that, for some reason, you don’t want to tell Dad, you go to Sam, okay? You can trust him to be supportive, loyal, to be there for you when no one else is and to love you like you’re his own daughter and best friend. I promise you, he will always, always be there when I’m not.

That night made us grow so much closer. The lesson here, I’d say, is be bold and confident in what you believe in and who you are. Be your own, unique self, be brave, and love whoever you choose to fully and with your whole heart, without shame, ever. If you are yourself, I promise, you’ll find the people that love you for you, not the person you’re pretending to be. You’ll inspire other to be themselves.

A good example of this would be my best friend, Charlie. When I came out, I was armed to the teeth to deal with whoever wanted to bully me for that part of me. To tell you the truth, my school coming out was a mishap. It takes nothing but a risky make-out session in the janitor’s closet and nosey students that rip doors open far too violently. Nevertheless, I was literally out of the closet, fists up. And that’s exactly when I met Charlie.

With her comic book stories and her books, her bubbly personality and bright smile, she wiggled her way into our lives and permanently stayed there. She was a freshman when I was a senior, but she seemed to find sanctuary by my side, as I did by hers. She was just one of those people who clicked, you know? Far too mature and interesting for her age, with an obsession with computers, even back when they were barely even a thing.

She now lives with her long-term girlfriend, Gilda, who owns the best bakery in the state. Ask for the apple pie, you will not be disappointed.

Charlie demanded of me to tell you, first off, to watch Marvel and screw DC right to hell (with which I have to agree, though Batman still remains one of the coolest Superheroes of my childhood (and Joker, the coolest villain)). She also told me that, if you read this, go ask her for her comics, She’d love to let you borrow them and she’s certain you’ll love them. Second off, she asked of me to tell you the Impala story…

It’s not as grand as she makes it out to be, honestly. However this is the part where you’ll learn all about the one and only Bobby Singer.

Bobby was my boss, an old friend of dad’s John’s and the first person who ever saw the bruises under my sleeves. He gave me a job, a family, and later on… a car.

Bobby owns a scrapyard. He taught me everything I know about cars, including driving, and for my seventeenth birthday, he brought a dusty, beat-up car in my workspace. The hood was bent, the seats were torn, and the engine needed immediate replacing. The customer never paid the price for the compartments the garage had paid, so under store policy, the car was ours.

Hannah, I can’t exactly describe to you how long it took me to repair that car. Buying the spare parts and assembling them would’ve probably taken less time. I built her from the ground up, it took me almost a month and a half of daily, eight-to-six work, but I made it. I fixed her up. She was in prime condition, and I had completely fallen in love with her.

I finished working on her early January, dreading the moment I would see her drive away. Bobby had seen all the effort, by then I’d worked at his place for over a year. So, on the day of my birthday, I opened my locker to put on my jumpsuit, when I saw a box placed on my neatly folded clothes. I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now. Yes. It was the keys to my dream car. A beautiful, sleek, black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, the one I had brought back to life. And it was all mine.

I don’t think I’ve hugged Bobby any tighter since then. Hell, I don’t think I’ve hugged him period.

That car… That car is probably the most stable thing in my life, apart from Sam, obviously. I’ve cried in that car, I’ve escaped from my terrible past, I’ve laughed, I’ve had my first time, I’ve been through breakups and I’ve spent my best days with it. I cherish it more than any other item I know. It’s not even an item, it’s my baby. I love it almost as much as I love you.

I met your dad, and kissed him for the first time in that car.

It’s actually a pretty fucking hilarious story. Cas was on a date with this guy who was completely disgusting and creepy as hell, so in true  movie fashion he decided to, get this, jump out the bathroom window and escape.

Yeah.

So just as he was running out of the bar, the guy must’ve caught wind of him or something, because he stepped outside in order to find Cas. What did your dad decide to do, I hear you ask? He ducked behind a car in the parking lot, opened the first unlocked door he found, and jumped in.

Spoiler alert. It was my car.

I was sitting in the front seat, fighting with Sam through text when the door opened. It was highly comical, watching this guy duck behind the bench seat, mumbling “oh God, oh God, oh God, please don’t see me, oh God.” I cleared my throat.

“Oh, I see you, buddy.” That’s the first thing I told him. The look on his face and the genuine yelp, made me laugh a full belly laugh, and completely forget about my fight with Sam. He apologized profusely, explained panicked what had happened and begged me to stay in my car just for a couple minutes so the guy can lose him.

Long story short, we ended up going out ourselves. I don’t know how to explain it… we just clicked immediately. Like, there was a connection. Him and his big words, his baby blue eyes, his steady, deep and rough voice… I knew right away that all I wanted was to spend time with him, learn everything he was willing to share with me.

I’m so glad to have met your Dad. He was, is and always will be one of the best, kindest, most humble and genuine people on the planet. He sees the world from such a beautiful point of view that contradicts my eternal realism (he enjoys calling me pessimistic.) He’s a genuinely great person, and I can’t wait for you to figure so out yourself, if you haven’t already.

Of course, it wasn’t all fine and dandy. Meeting his parents was hellish. Let’s just say, Chuck and Naomi aren’t… the best people. They tried really, really hard to stop us from seeing each other, and eventually, they completely disowned Cas. He doesn’t like to talk about them much. His brother, Gabriel is an asshole, but a loveable one, while his other brother, Michael, you probably don’t know about. And you shouldn’t. Let’s just leave it at that. If Cas wants to share that story with you, he’ll do it at his own time.

I’m sure there’s a lesson to be learned here. Something about, when finding your person, to keep them, fight for them, don’t stop loving them because everyone else is telling you (unless of course that person is toxic). But I don’t think I can give you solid love advice through a dumb book. Every relationship is different, and your Dad’s better at this than me anyways.

--

I don’t know exactly how long this thing is, by this point, but I’ve almost finished the pages of this booklet. I was really, really worried I wouldn’t finish it in time, but here we are. However many thousand words later, and I’m clueless as to how to wrap this up.

My life isn’t over yet, however it looks like it soon will be. I will confess to you, I’m scared, but most of all I’m angry. I’m angry at the world, at life and fate, if that’s even a thing, at God even. I’ve fought my whole life for peace and quiet, and right when I have found it, it’s being ripped from under my feet. Cancer fucking sucks.

No matter, my chin is up, and so are my fists. Winchesters don’t give up easy. I will fight this until my last breath, even if the chance of watching you grow up and being able to tell you everything I’ve written face-to-face, is nothing but a sliver. After all, impossible odds were always my favorite.

Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. This might be the only thing you have left of me for the rest of your life, and it tears me up inside. Of course, I will not be able to write thirty five years of experience in a small book such as this, but this is a part of me, memories you can keep all to yourself. Ask Dad or Sam about any of it, I’m sure they’ll fill some gaps, tell you things I haven’t written.

I don’t want you to cry much, even though I’m not sure you will at all, given the fact that you’ve never met me. Either way, whether you feel or think anything of me or not, I want you to know that I love you so much. I’ve only known you for a couple of months, and, already, you’re the brightest ray of sunshine in my life.

I promise I will be by your side no matter what happens, through every milestone and hardship, I will love you from wherever I am.

Honey, please stay true to yourself. Never give up, no matter what curveballs life throws at you. There’s always reason to keep going, even if you can’t see it. Always keep fighting, ‘till your last breath, ‘cause you’re a Winchester and you’ve absolutely got this.

If there is something I want you to remember from the scribbly mess I’ve made, it’s this:

I love you. I’m proud of you. I believe in you.

Go get ‘em, tiger.

 Bonus:

Tears streaming down velvety soft cheeks, dainty fingers gripping the book tightly, like her life depends on it, Hannah stares at the ceiling and groans at the mess she is. It’s the second time she read that last bit, and just as she thought she’d gotten over it, here she is, crying just as hard as the first.

She gets off her bed, pulling on her sweater sleeves. Feet in slippers, she makes her way down the corridor, knocking on the door, and opening when she gets an answer. Her fingers grip the doorknob, the other clutching the book, and she stares at the bed, watching as green eyes look up from his laptop.

“Why did you give this to me, you ass, you’re not dead,” she sobs, and Dean pushes his laptop to the side, arms opening wide to invite her in them.

“Aw honey,” he coos, a gentle, loving smile on his face. Hannah climbs on the bed and slides to his side, curling up in his arms. “It’s okay.” Fingers stroking her hair gently, as sobs wrack through the poor girl’s body. Dean almost feels bad.

Just then, Cas appears in the doorway, having heard Hannah’s cries. He sees the booklet clutched in her arms, her face buried in Dean’s neck, hidden behind her spring-curly hair. He makes eye contact with his husband, a knowing half-smile on his lips, as he leans on the doorway.

“I love you,” Hannah says, nose stuffed and running. “Thank you for not giving up on a relationship with me, even when you didn’t think you’ll survive.” Tears wet Dean’s eyes, as he presses a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I love you too.”

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Raising Hell

So, uh, basically I have no idea why anything in this episode happens or what its point is supposed to be. Having looked up who wrote it somewhere in the middle, I am completely lacking in surprise.

I mean, the first bit pretty much sets the tone.  Chatty Corpsy spouts exposition a mile a minute, then gets killed, and the ghost stands over her and spells disembowel.  Is that actually supposed to be scary?  Funny?  Anything but an absolutely bizarre waste of my time?

A bunch of dudes with basically nothing but FBI jackets and a bullshit story to back themselves up with convince an entire town to camp out in the local high school for two days without anybody figuring out they're full of shit.  You know, what with smartphones existing and all.  Plausible!

Furthermore, I have become convinced that everyone in this writer's room genuinely believes there is nothing scarier than a bunch of random antagonists standing around in a room pontificating at each other.  It's all demons do anymore. It's all angels do anymore.  Oh, fucking look, here's a bunch of goddamn ghosts doing it, too!  A fucking thrill a minute, I tell you.

Also, you know how the episode with H.H. Holmes was actually scary?  Whether or not you think it's in questionable taste for them to use real life serial killers at all, the reason they included him was because the whole murder castle deal and semi-mythical legends about him made for a scary premise they actually used in the episode.  I ignored the thing with it being Gacy before in Lebanon because there was more important stuff going on, but contrast the current writers' choices with him and this Jack the Ripper guy with the use of Holmes.  Here they're just throwing out the names of real life murderers to try and make their villains scary in the cheapest, fastest way possible.  Just like bringing back “Bloody Mary” that just kills whoever, this loudmouthed windbag has nothing to do with the name they're stealing to try and make him scary.

Also, the spell demon guy did is keeping the ghosts in, right?  Sure, it's going to fail, but at the moment, it's supposed to be an impassible barrier, yes?  So why, exactly, is it necessary for Sam to call in his goon squad to join the four of them in wandering into the danger zone to shoot at 'em? Seriously, why?  Shooting them dissipates them for a few seconds, maybe minutes.  They’re not laying out additional salt or iron lines or doing anything that might genuinely help contain the ghosts, they’re just putting themselves in danger because ...?  The mooks could also be better spent guarding the major entrance points to the town and/or the townies and/or doing research back at the bunker into what they're going to try next after the barrier fails.  But those things would actually make sense and prevent the shambling zombie that is the writers’ pathetic attempt at a plot in this episode being pushed into something vaguely resembling action. 

I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that Rowena is now suddenly unable to do something with her powers that she did before.  Hey, remember when she stole that page out of the damned book to make herself more powerful to unseal her full powers (even though they touted her as the most powerful witch ever to begin with) and that was in season 13, well after the ghost-crystal-bomb thing?  But LOL, now she's even weaker?  This is exactly why nothing matters anymore.  Things that worked previously (angel powers, witch powers, the Colt, whatever) suddenly and randomly don't work to do the exact same jobs for … reasons.  The thing that makes it even dumber is they could have said that the ghost containing spell and crystal ghost sucking spell interfered with each other somehow.  Still at a bullshit level of convenience, but it doesn't involve making everyone and everything's powers completely arbitrary just because fuck continuity, that’s why!

Then Ketch shows up to save the Winchesters from their sudden attack of brain damage.  The show has provided an entire. fucking. town. full of angry ghosts straight from hell.  But actually bother to write a scene of Sam and Dean legit getting over their heads in a believable way?  Why fucking bother when you can just make them astoundingly incompetent.  It is literally unbelievable that Sam and Dean would not recognize those people as possessed fucking immediately.  Yet they stand there with rock salt filled shotguns doing sweet fuckall confronted by three fucking ghosts so Ketch can make a big entrance.  Is there a rule on a board somewhere in the writer's room that Sam and Dean have to be made to look incompetent at least once an episode?  Is this some kind of revenge for having to still write the main characters they're so clearly bored with?  Are these idiots just so fucking stupid they don't realize how insulting this is?  Did they run out of money for extras and the stunt coordinator?  

Also, someone explain to me how tiny flakes of metal are going to be less harmful to a human body than rock salt.  I'll wait.  They just really really wanted Ketch as one of the BMoL guys to have some kind of specialized gadget but couldn’t give him something actually potentially useful for the situation at hand.

Again, these writers really want to be writing a bad soap opera with occasional supernatural elements.  So despite that it's the final fucking season, we have time for Rowena and Ketch flirting.  Not to mention that they also give the only major female character even more relationship drama with the Jack the Ripper guy later.  If it's not questionably skeevy, it's not Bucklemming! 

Also, Castiel is not good at inspirational speeches, just like he’s frustratingly almost never good at anything else these days (those healing powers that were working last week? ha! forget it!).  Anyway, why do they keep having him make them?  Are we as the audience supposed to find them convincing though they never work on the target?  Are we supposed to feel bad for all the ~*feelings*~ Castiel supposedly has despite being an angel who isn’t supposed to have emotions the same way humans do?  I guess this particular one is to further show that Dean’s still mad (which I am absolutely 100% behind) but eh, whatever.  Though I guess that still ranks it above most of the episode sitting at a solid WTF, no really, WTF?!

Now we get to the part where they bring Kevin back for no fucking reason beyond that he's a “fan favorite”.  None of it makes a single tiny speck of sense.  Let's skip right past the fundamental absurdity of how Chuck apparently did this for literally no reason just to be a dick when he was actively trying to pretend not to be a dick.  Kevin has a “bad boy” reputation (come the fuck on) because God Himself cast him down - so him being in hell would have to be fairly common knowledge, for it to result in him having a reputation.  Except literally no demon Sam & Dean ran into between 11.21 and now taunted them with it?  Crowley, who was still alive and fucking King of Hell through season 12 never noticed and either told the Winchesters or tried to trade on it?  BULL and SHIT.  This is pretty close to the same scale of insult to continuity and the audience’s intelligence as these two fuckwits suddenly writing Lucifer as the older brother. 

Then in typical fashion, Sam & Dean discuss their plans to totes send Kevin to heaven in front of demon guy just so they can be told OH NOES!  He totally can't go to heaven!  So sad!  The poor widdle woobie!  Fuck off with this shit, show.  Not even to mention that they take the word of a demon as gospel truth when there is no time crunch or clear lack of better options.  It's all those many many hits to the head, I guess.  That I do actually find quite sad.  I mean, I don't actually want Kevin hanging around like a bad smell while they divert from actually important shit to try and get him to heaven where it makes no sense for him not to already be.  But at the end they don't even arrange some way to keep in touch just in case the fucking demon might be (gasp) lying?

Hey, I did actually like the exchange between Dean and Sam over Chuck poking his corresponding wound.  Oh, look, it's Sam's “I'm totally lying” face, followed by Dean's “I totally know you're lying but I'll let it go for now, Sam” face.  It was a great moment that required very little dialogue to work quite well.  It's such a shame nobody's making a show about these two characters!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The absurdity keeps on coming, too.  In the whole two days they've been wasting time in Sunshine Daylightville they never discussed how long the spell would last?  Oh, right, they were too busy wandering into the ghost zone to shoot at 'em for shits and giggles to care about that, I guess.  Not to mention the whole “just cast it again!” is remarkably blasé about it requiring a 'fresher the better!' human heart.

More ghosts blathering at each other.  Yay.  This supposed Jack the Ripper guy is just always in the right place at the right time to hear all the gossip, knows every random thing he could possibly need to, and already has the power to intimidate and attack other ghosts. He's basically ghost!Asmodeus, who also steals AU!Michael's original idea of how to get through the barrier, because we really needed time spent discussing the world's most obvious plan.  Also, we've seen ghosts able to attack and absorb the power of other ghosts, but it was because they had already been doing it for a while.  This guy is just as fresh out of hell as everybody else, but he's more powerful and knowledgeable and totes threatening!!!  Well, I'm convinced and not on the verge of napping from boredom.

Naturally for reasons, Rowena goes into town entirely by herself without protection with their only real hope of containing the ghosts before the barrier breaks down instead of anybody insisting on her going with backup.  That's what anybody with a brain would do!  

Of course no one asks where Ketch has been the whole time.  Or even thinks of trying to test him after he was last seen literally knocked unconscious in the middle of ghost central where we know there are plenty of ghosts angry enough to be capable of possession.  Nope, why would anyone even think to do that?  Everything in this “plot” that happens requires all of the characters to be completely fucking stupid.

I'm going to assume by “you” Ketch meant “you Winchesters” because Mary wasn't there.  It probably didn't, because Bucklemming, but fuck it.  It's the least egregious stupidity in this episode that's a cornucopia of choices for the worst.

I … actually like the scenes with Chuck and Amara?  So, you know, that's something!  

Then the episode ends with the guys looking at all the ghosties still shooting up from hell and wring their hands about what they're going to do and maybe they should get on that!  Again, if Sam's flunkies aren't all dead, why aren't their worthless asses already researching this shit over the past two days?  It's not like it's new news that there was a big open hole to hell at the center of the problem and there was honestly nothing but wrangling some cranky civilians to interfere with trying to think ahead to that.

In summary, this episode is a constant showcase of the problems that result when you set incompetent morons who don't recognize their own inadequacy to write characters who are actually supposed to be intelligent experts at their work.  It's a joke – except not at all funny.

[robertdowneyjjr]

Hey! I’m the anon who was catching up on MCU movies and asked you questions? (Clint/BW etc). So I finally watched Endgame and I'm devastated. I admit that I don’t have the same relationship with Tony the way you MCU and RDJ fans have since 2008, but I'm very sad. I understand the decision to kill him because he was the only hero who would never have been able to walk away from saving people. So unless RDJ was to be eternally chained to MCU (which I don’t wish for him), it would have (1/4)

been unnatural to let him live and “disappear”. He is not Captain America. Lmao, what a Captain he is. I do have some questions though. When the others visited Tony at his farm, I got the implication that it was the first time they visited him? That’s horrible. They remember him only when they need him. Also shouldn’t Bruce know better about scientific experimentation? The whole sequence with BW, CA, Prof Hulk and Scott experimenting with that tech was weird. There was no proper procedure (2/4)

or anything. I didn’t actually mind BW’s fate. All her eye-rolling at the beginning irked me and her behaviour in CACW (betraying Tony) was very ew. I would have liked to see more of Nebula than BW. Also, I wish they treated Thor’s depression more seriously. They had the chance to tackle a serious issue and they mucked it up. WTF was up with CA’s storyline? That was such a shit way to end the movie. I have never been a fan of CA and his story but that ending was quite pathetic. (3/4)

They nullified the only sacrifice he ever made in his life and flipped the bird at the concept of “moving on”. Did his story make sense to you? I know you ship CA and Tony together. All in all, I prefer IW to Endgame. I'm glad I was right in liking Tony Stark from the beginning. Poor Peter, what a trauma. Should've known when they made Tony his father figure. It’s less facts and more your opinion I’m asking this time. Sorry about that but also thanks in advance!! I think I'm done with MCU. (4/4)

i think it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been attached to the character of tony stark. the moment you’re invested in him even if your journey with him was only for a few months, his story really resonates with you and makes you really emotional in ways you’d never imagined. so i understand how devastated you must feel because i felt the exact same way. i cried each time i watched endgame in theatres and i still can’t rewatch That Scene without being incredibly upset. but like you said, the decision made sense and i’ve come to terms with it. it’s still always going to be something that makes me sad though.

anyway, to your questions.

1. i got the same feeling that it was the first time they visited. for steve, at least. i think natasha probably had already visited a couple times since she and tony do nod at each other and acknowledge their presence without it being frosty and awkward. but for steve, yeah, i think it was his first time seeing tony. maybe it’s because he didn’t know how to face tony anymore after what happened five years ago, but it did rub me the wrong way too.

2. that whole sequence with bruce and the others testing out time travel was just. there’s a whole post about it somewhere here that explains it perfectly how wrong it was. like you said, bruce is a scientist and he should know how dangerous scientific experimentation can be. and it really just seemed like they were winging it and had no contingency plan for what they would do if they fucked up entirely. 99% of that scene was played for laughs and when it’s over and you really think about it, you do realize how shitty it would have been if they’d accidentally killed scott via quantum tunnel.

3. i agree, they should have handled thor’s storyline better. he was facing some very real problems and the way hemsworth played him was beautiful. but the fact that he was constantly the butt of everyone’s jokes was just so awful. i hate that they made rhodey say all of those mean things bc that was just wildly out of character when it’s always been shown that he’s caring and considerate of his friends. it’s terrible that they showed thor and frigga having such a tender mother/son moment only to ruin it at the end by having her tell him to eat a salad. the only people who treated him the way he deserved were bruce and tony, imo.

4. haha. hahahah. hahahahah. god no i did not enjoy steve’s storyline and tbh this movie really soured his character for me and i refuse to acknowledge it. like you said, they nullified his only sacrifice by having him go back to the past and get a do-over in life. nothing about his motivations made any god damn sense. the fact that he was looking at a picture of peggy, who’d died years ago, just three weeks after his two best friends turned to dust is just mind boggling. he’s talking about losing her at a therapy session for people who’d lost their loved ones in the decimation. just. he literally forgot bucky, sam, and wanda even existed. i didn’t think his ending was romantic or in character but. whatever. i literally only ship steve and tony as long as we forget endgame happened (bc truly endgame was a pepperony event). anyway, endgame steve whomst?

i agree though, i thought iw was better than endgame. it felt like endgame left a lot of loose ends and didn’t address things that were brought up previously in the franchise. it’s an amazing film to witness in theatres but when you really think about it, there are a ton of questions that you never get any answers to.

anyway, if you’re a tony fan i do think you should check out ffh before you quit the mcu completely. i wasn’t going to watch it at first, but it shows how important tony is to the universe and also to peter. it’ll wrap up phase 3 completely and give some sort of closure for the tony fans. kind of.

[disasterhumans]

reasons im worried: (A) wtf fjord whats going on, youre weakening your emotional connections, and they arent super strong in the first place, (B) hey caleb. caleb you were doing so well. why did the moment when your genuine concern for the group peaked cause you to decide to withdraw and backtrack and lose all your progress. CALEB. and (C) jester, sweetie. are you the hulk? "you should see me angry" I THINK WE'RE GETTING THERE. JESTER. r u losing faith in the mighty nein??? jester, babe. please.

I’m probably going to write obnoxiously long posts about a lot of these things in the nearish future (by which i mean i’ve already started...), but here are some “Quick” Takes!

A) That is such a good way of putting it. While I think that the idea that the orbs are “corrupting” Fjord is a potentially interesting one, what I’m seeing is a man who is Overwhelmed, and is responding to it by breaking everything around him. Avantika’s death also makes just as much sense as a trigger for Fjord’s shift in behavior. While Fjord has been growing more reckless over the entire course of this arc, his flippant and careless treatment of his party members feels a lot more recent. We know that Caleb feels shitty about what happened in Dashilla’s lair, but we haven’t gotten any explicit communication from Fjord/Travis on how Fjord is feeling about it. While he has yet to outwardly express remorse or regret about the blood sacrifice/pact, his treatment of Jester in the most recent episode reads almost like he’s purposefully trying to sabotage their relationship before she gets the chance.

B) I’m actually not particularly surprised by Caleb’s backtracking. He has been constantly re-traumatized in the past week alone. His Fireball during the Dark Tow fight is his deadliest use of fire-related magics we’ve seen so far. And he went catatonic. He had all of two or three days to maybe work through that, before (willingly) relinquishing his Emotional Support animal. And in the middle of him trying to cope with that major trigger, he ends up falling back into a mindset that he hasn’t consciously entered in a long time--and thus triggers himself again. And then, on top of that, he almost loses his best friend--who he thinks he abandoned--to a dragon and a fire elemental. He’s already feeling guilty for causing the death of nearly an entire crew, and for manipulating Fjord, but now he has abandoning Nott to go on top of all of that. While I’m sad about Caleb slipping back into his “it’s just you and me” routine with Nott, I also can’t really blame him. I really hope that Beau and Jester get a chance to really talk with him soon--I think they’re the best equipped to break through some of his barriers. 

C) JESTER. While I have no doubt that Jester can get truly and spectacularly angry, I think her Hulk line is “I’m always sad.” I don’t think that Jester’s happiness and joy is a lie, per se, but she definitely uses it as a shield and weapon--just as effectively as Beau uses her bluntness and gruff demeanor, or Caleb uses his dirt, or Fjord uses his charm. And as she said to Beau, she is very good at it. I can’t wait to see a Jester who’s really angry, and who really lets herself inhabit it. I think we saw some of it slip out in ep 46 (”Why don’t you stop being such a dick”). But really I think right now Jester is just weary. She’s been through so much in such a short period of time, and has barely gotten a chance to process any of it. The person she usually processes things with is now the source of a lot of her pain and frustration. Once again, I think Beau is the most equipped to be a support system for Jester moving forward. Much as she doesn’t think so, Beau is actually really sensitive, and fairly in tune with how her friends are doing. And I think she’s good at knowing what they need in a given moment too. 

---also just to tack this on at the end: I am also worried about Nott. Not in the immediate “these people are one step away from utter emotional devastation” way. But in a slow-moving “this person is going to crash when they least expect it” kind of way. I’m willing to bet that Nott spent the majority of this arc mildly intoxicated, even when Sam did not specify this was the case. We’re so used to seeing Nott “cope” and “function” in this way that the people around her don’t seem to notice until she’s more heavily drunk. And she’s been actively and vocally supportive of every single team member throughout the arc, without receiving the same respect in return.

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

Masterpost

6x10: The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

And here we are at the infamous Sue episode panned by fans everywhere.  Is it really that bad?  Well I did have it as my least favorite episode of the series, (though after careful inspection, that title truly goes to the hot mess that is I Kissed a Girl).  However, believe it or not, I don’t think this is the /worst/ Glee ever put out. I do, though, think the context is what makes it so frustrating.  

Child Star and Other Missed Opportunities

Here’s the thing - when you write out season 6 on paper, I think the structure of what the writers were going for makes a lot more sense.  The main story that they were telling was getting the Glee club back in order, to be, in a way, an echo of what season 1 was.  And for the most part, I do think that structure works.  You have Rachel in the ‘Will’ spot as teacher, trying to get her life together while trying to inspire these young kids to be awesome, and like the end of the Front 13 - the ending there is Sectionals.  

All the other plot lines are secondary, including Rachel’s triumphant return to New York, which is the b-story of the entire season.  Kurt (and Blaine)’s reunion arc might be, eh, a distant 3rd? Maybe 4th after Will’s.  But that’s what makes these final three episodes (before the final two that make up, essentially, the series finale) so jarring.   We’ve been used to strong focus on Kurt and Blaine as secondary characters, and the kids have been the main focus since season 3.  Shifting everything back so that Will and Sue are the main characters, with Rachel as a secondary lead feels... off.  

The thing is -- I see what they were trying to do here.  After wrapping up the Klaine (and Brittana) arc - the last arcs that the ‘kid’ characters get (besides Rachel) we essentially have three extra episodes left.  One will be the competition episode.  One was the episode about the New Newbies which I don’t think was a bad thing - even if I think introducing a new character five episodes before the end was a dumb move.  But like the original kids, I think these new kids rightfully deserved an episode of their own.  And thus leaves one episode where they needed to do, well, something.  

And hence - we get Sue.  

Yeah - It would have been nice if they had spent an episode exploring Kurt and Blaine’s now married life, or what the hell are Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Brittany, Santana, Mike, etc, etc, etc, etc, doing with their lives.  But - in the minds of the glee writers... they already did that in various capacities over the previous episodes.  

But even more than that - for reasons I’ll never fully understand, unless it’s about how much they love Jane Lynch, they decided to focus an episode on Sue.  And while the episode isn’t the utter worst thing Glee ever did (honestly, go back and watch IKAG again...), trying to make emotional sense of a character you’ve reduced to a cartoon character, who breaks the fourth wall just... doesn’t work.  And on top of that, they don’t resolve anything, nor is it that interesting to watch.  Sue remains, well, Sue and nothing remotely happens.  

So yeah, this ‘filler’ episode was a way to stall time before the obligatory ending Sectionals episode - and they filled it up with a lot of what no one wanted, especially the precious few who were still watching.  And thus, we have the most frustrating and least satisfying episode of the entire series.  Thankfully, Kurt is barely in it. 

Burn the House Down

So, we open with the New New New Directions in typical Glee fashion, doing the hot single of the moment - idk even know the name of the song, though - Rather Be? Idk.  Anyway, Kurt and Blaine come sombering in, cause, plot dictates they be there for exposition. 

And we find out that Dalton has burned to the ground.  

So.  

Here’s the thing - there could have been an interesting story here for Blaine -- matching Rachel’s story about having to grow up and move on.  I mean, it’s kind of subtly and subtextually there. It is (another) reason Blaine is forced to move on and grow up.  

But.  Do you know why they burned Dalton to the ground (other than doing it probably out of spite)? Not for some kind of deeper level of symbolism.  Nope.  They did it so New Directions can meet their quota of having 12 members.  That stupid, fucking rule.  I realize that it’s now become a joke (as mentioned earlier in the Hurt Locker episodes).  But c’mon Glee.  It’s like you’re not even trying now.  

But also, like after most big Klaine events - do Kurt and Blaine get a moment to reflect on their newly marriage life? Nope.  Other than talking about a piano exploding in the next episode, Kurt and Blaine won’t share dialogue again until the series finale.  On top of that -- instead of getting to be happy newlyweds, they have Blaine upset because his surrogate home has burned down.  Thanks writers.  Thanks. 

However - there are two things I do like about this little moment.  A) the fact that Kurt is being a very comforting husband.  B) the fact that they are wearing their proposal colors.  Nice touch costume dept.  You get the gold star.  

In the next scene - we get the indoctrination of the Warblers into the New Directions.  And Kurt just nods his head along in all the appropriate places.  Not a whole lot to talk about -- other than now that we’ve got Will back in charge, Rachel and Kurt have faded into the background.  Is Kurt even teaching anything any more? No, not really - despite all the ‘conversations’ Kurt, Rachel, Will, and Blaine have off screen.  

Anyway - you know another reason Dalton was burned to ground? To service the Sue plot.  Yup.  God.  Luckily, though, I don’t really have to go into it. 

The Way Too Long Geraldo Segment

So, long story short, Sue’s hurt locker was found out and then she’s exposed on Geraldo, which does go on way, way to long.  Look, there are some funny moments and callbacks, like the finding of Sue’s Penthouse magazine and the quick return of Joe.  But it just becomes stale as it continues after the commercial break.  Also, though, Sue’s not going to actually face ramifications. I mean, she should really be in jail just on the hurt locker alone.  But this is Glee, where Will, Sue, and Rachel never have to really deal with the actions they make.  

So - Kurt’s bit is about the elevator.  Which is... fine.  It kind of feels hollow since they’re going to thank her in the finale, and she just sent them on a week long honeymoon.  But yeah - don’t kidnap people, guys.  Bad.  The best part of this is the look on Blaine’s face.  

  Unity

This scene was almost impossible to get a good still.  Oh well.  Anyway, a good twenty minutes of the episode later...

So, I should mention in the previous scene, the gang is all trying to help Rachel through her issues and trying to get her back to New York (or whatever).   It’s a little weird that Kurt is not here since he’s spent so much of his screen time playing emotional prop to Rachel Berry. but I guess I’m not complaining even if I think it’s weird? But we do get Sam calling NYADA a scam school, and info that Blaine was kicked out by Carmen herself - to which I say, why does anyone care about this school??  Whatever.  It is a funny little scene though. 

Anyway, back to this scene -- where the Warblers and the New Directions are arguing over costumes.  And the only real thing I get out of it (Kurt-wise) is that Kurt really hated wearing that uniform when he went there, lol.  (He did, though, it’s in season 2.)  

And I know there was some grumbling of this scene - why is Kurt taking New Directions’s side? Why is he not supporting Blaine and the Warblers - to which I say... the writers didn’t give a shit about that.  Seriously.  This scene is a) about comedy and b) presenting this argument that will be compromised in about ten minutes anyway.  It’s not at all any kind of reflection on Kurt or Blaine or their relationship.  And actually, I’m of half mind that the writers completely forgot that Kurt even went to Dalton himself.  

In the large scheme of Kurt related things - this scene barely registers, tbh.  **shrugs**

Hey, but costumes wins again - Kurt and Blaine are wearing each other’s colors!

Final Countdown

So, Sue and Will duke it out through music - like it’s always done, and we get confirmation -- all those fantasy performances? Were just that -- fantasies.  I kinda do like when the kids come in and are like - wtf??!?  Kurt tells Rachel that he hopes that the’ll never become that.  Oh y’all won’t, promise ;) Anyway - I love that the show comments that Will and Sue have lost it - like we haven’t known that since the end of season 1.  

So, uh, the next day? Will apologizes for being an idiot.  Okay, fine.  And then Rachel says that now -- if the glee club doesn’t win, all fine arts will be cut.  Because that makes a load of sense, c’mon writers, c’mon....  

Anyway - the one redeeming thing for this otherwise ridiculous little scene, is that Kurt’s a ball of optimism -- he inwardly reflects on all the crap that’s happened in his life and he turns it around saying that they’ll never give up on anything (to which Blaine looks at him adoringly).  And, I mean, it’s a subtle thing -- but I kinda love this.  Because here’s a kid who has been through hell and back and a lot of shitty things (even recently) and you know what? He’s fine.  He’s in a good place, he’s happy, he’s loved, he’s got a great support system, and a good attitude about life.  And, he’s got a great motto to go along with it -- It’s Got Bette Midler.  (lol)  

But I mean, let’s take a second and think about the fact that Kurt started his journey being that kid who gets thrown in dumpsters for being weird and gay and now, you know what? He’s fine.  He’s really, really, really fine.  :) 

Rise

So - here at the end, we see Blaine solving the absolute crisis of the episode and somehow he’s managed to make, like, twenty unity blazers overnight, combining the Dalton tradition with the McKinley colors.  And did it without Kurt knowing what he was up to because Kurt was totally surprised.  But it’s in a good way, Kurt’s incredibly proud that Blaine managed to solve this epic dilemma.  (I joke, but really, it’s sweet that Kurt’s, again, proud of his new husband).  

Meanwhile, we get the song Rise, written by Darren Criss -- and I’m kind of impressed with this song -- it manages to reference birds, Dalton burning down, the kids rising to the top, and the fall of Sue Sylvester all in one go.  Color me impressed, too.   (Btw, this is such a Darren-esque song, I can hear this in his voice even if I’ve never heard him actually sing it.) 

I’ll leave you with the some lyrics, which I’m sure you can work out their meaning on your own ;) 

Have you ever felt like you woke up (On the wrong side of your heart) Has it ever felt like it's broken (Like the world tore it apart) Have you felt so weak, You could hardly stand Like if you ever fell You could never tell If you'd ever get back up again I know it's hard to do, But I think you can make it, Cause I know we can take it Baby we will... Rise We are young we are the dreamers we will fly When the world will not believe us, We will rise above the ashes Before this whole life passes us by You and I, we will rise

[kitten1618x]

GoT Afterthoughts 7x05 Eastwatch (Jonsa Edition) SPOILERS

Hello loves and welcome to another edition of GoT Afterthoughts. Welp. It wasn't the best episode, but it's what I expected, tbh. The next ep. is the penultimate, so I figured it'd be a little lackluster. All in all, I didn't think it was that bad. So we begin our episode downstream from the field of fire 2.0 ... Bronn's head breaks the water, and then Jamie's. They have a bit of their usual banter -Bronn telling Jamie he can't die until he pays him, but when the Dragons come to KL, he's peacin' out, Cub Scout! ✌🏻 Side note: I love when Bronn calls Jamie a cunt!! It cuts over to Tyrion walking amidst the death and ashes, looking a mixture of horrified, sad and regretful. The Dothraki are picking spoils from the remains -as is their custom. He watches as the remaining living soldiers that have been rounded up, are marched where Dany stands on a large boulder, Drogon perched on the larger rock behind her -shrieking, or whatever the hell it is that Dragons do. Dany starts another one of her speeches. She appeals to them with her past "slave rhetoric" -- "I know what Cersei has told you, that I've come to murder you" (you mean like you just did??) And I'm paraphrasing ... "All I want to do is destroy the wheel that's kept you all oppressed, Cersei is bad, I'm on your side. Bow to me and you will be saved. Bend the knee or die ...yada yada yada" A few of the men bend. Drogon turns and roars at the crowd, and a bunch more drop down. Dany calls Lord Tarly forward. Tyrion tries to reason with him, but Tarly basically says he won't support a foreign leader with no ties to this land who has an army of savages at her back. Dude, Tarly is a giant asshat, but I can respect that. Again, Tyrion tries to intervene -suggesting he be sent to the Wall instead. Tarly refuses and says that Dany doesn't have the authority to send him to the wall, as she's not his queen. Annnnnnnd then Dickon steps forward like -ya know, a dick. An honorable dick, I suppose -but still, a stupid one. Tyrion pretty much says the same thing I just did -don't be a dick, Dickon, and Lord Tarly even agrees with a nod, but apparently, stubbornness runs in the Tarly family. Tyrion tries desperately to change Dany's mind, SEVERAL TIMES, making a comment "when you start beheading entire families .." but she cuts him off with "I'm not beheading them." Yes, because burning them is so much better. 🙄 Ominous music thrums in the background, Tyrion's chest is heaving, the Tarly's look nervous (dad grabs son's arm), Dany levels their death sentence then calmly says dracarys. As they fall burning to the ground, the rest of the soldiers fall to their knees with one look from Drogon. We head to KL, and Jamie basically tells Cersei that they can't win this war. She throws some cheap shots at him before Jamie tells her that Olenna was the one that poisoned Joffrey. Cersei is skeptical at first, but accepts it. Cersei is refusing to submit. She'll fight and die and she expects Jamie to do the same. And we're at Dragonstone now, Jon watches from the cliffs, his incest fur blowing in the wind (and he's looking mighty fine if I do say so myself), he watches as Drogon flies overhead and lands -then starts charging for him and roaring all intimidating and shit. Like WTF is up with Drogon this episode? He's being a mouthy little bitch. Did Dany change his food or something, cuz he's testy as hell! I don't know how anyone could look sexy while shitting their pants, but my friends -Jon Snow for the win! 😍 But then, Drogon catches a whiff of Jon's Targ scent blowing off his incest fur, and mellows out, going completely docile as Jon apprehensively strokes his muzzle. Or maybe Drogon got a whiff of Sansa on Jon's clothes and he's in love now too? If that's the case, he better watch out for Jon Snow murder kitten .... just sayin'. Dany looks on from Drogon's back, and I honestly couldn't tell from her expression whether she was awed or felt threatened? Maybe a bit of both? But hey -why the hell didn't she stop Drogon from charging Jon in the first place? If she's so in control of her Dragons? Not cool, pyro chickie, not cool. 😡 She asks "they're beautiful aren't they?", and Jon's all "umm, yeah ...that's not really what I was thinking, tbh ...but suuuuure, we'll go with that." And proud mama Dany boasts that no matter how frightening they are to others, they are her children. Jon asks how it went, noting that it didn't take too long, and Dany answers that she has considerably less enemies now than she had yesterday. Jon doesn't look pleased and Dany picks up on that, so she asks him how many men did his army kill when he took back Winterfell (apples and oranges, Dany -but okay). She brings up when he first arrived and Davos said he took a knife in the heart for his people -and Jon quickly shoots back that Davos gets carried away. Side note: I read the leaked script for this episode, and supposedly the two of them were going to be "joking about being magical" -so those of you who rest all your hopes/belief on these leaks: STOP! Luckily Jon doesn't have to explain himself much more because the Dothraki interrupt their convo, and out from behind them steps Jorah!!!! He kneels and Dany introduces them. She tells Jorah that he looks strong and she's so genuinely happy to see him. Honestly, my heart melted when she embraced him, her eyes falling shut and her squeezing a bit harder. I've lowkey shipped them forever. ❤️ aww and their theme song played!! Another side note: That leaked script also said that Jon would try to give Jorah his father's sword and Jorah would refuse. That didn't happen, either ...just sayin'. We're in the Godswood now and Bran wargs into a flock of ravens and heads over the wall, flying for awhile until they encounter the army of the dead. The NK senses Brans presence, and looks up at the ravens and they all scatter. Bran snaps out of his trance and tells the maester they need to send ravens. Now we're at the Citadel, and Sam pops in on the Maesters having some sort of employee meeting, as he drops off a stack of books and scrolls. He overhears them talking about Bran and tries to get them to take the warning seriously, but they are skeptic that it might be a ploy by the dragon queen. The Archmaester says that he'll get to the bottom of it, and the other maesters poke fun at all the prophesies they've heard over the years that never came to fruition. Frustrated, Sam leaves the room, and one of the maesters asks if he's the one related to the two men who were just burned alive. Harsh bro. We move to the Dragonstone throne room where Tyrion and Varys are discussing Dany's latest violent outburst. After taking a few gulps from Tyrion's wine goblet, Varys recounts a story of serving Dany's father and how he stood complicit while he burned people, and tells Tyrion he needs to find a way to get Dany to listen. Varys has a Raven message for Jon. This part kind of pissed me off, because after all that Tyrion saw, he's still making excuses for Dany. Not entirely -but the "she's not her father" comment irritated the hell out of me. Is he so blinded by love? But then I thought -maybe he was just saying it more to help convince himself. We scoot on over to the war room, and Jon has read the message -Arya and Bran are alive, and the dead are advancing on the wall -towards Eastwatch. Time to stop dicking around on Dragonstone -help or not, but Jon is going home. Tyrion cooks up a plan to get proof to show Cersei, as Dany will only help Jon's cause if Cersei agrees too (this ensures that Cersei won't march in and take over once Dany marches her army out to help -showing once again that the IT means more than saving the entire realm ..and yet another juxtaposition/foil of Jon). But like seriously -again, I want to smack the shit out of Tyrion this episode! I love him -he's one of my favorite characters and he's proposing some stupid shit like going over the wall to get one soldier to prove it to Cersei??? Seriously??? This shit better not be in the books! Tyrion thinks he could get Jamie to listen to him and in turn, convince Cersei to meet, provided they bring proof. They look to Davos for his smuggling skills, to smuggle Tyrion into KL, then begin to discuss who will go over the wall. Jon looks down because he knows it has to be him. Jorah interrupts and volunteers. Dany's head whips around at that. She looks horrified at the thought of losing him again. Jon says the freefolk will help. Davos says the freefolk won't follow ser Jorah, and Jon says they won't have to. Davos says he can't lead a raid beyond the wall -he's not the Nights Watch anymore, he's a king, and Jon interrupts his interlude. It was pretty clear to me when he looked down earlier, that he knows it will have to be him. He's the only one there that's seen and experienced dealing with WWs (and that's exactly what he says). Dany looks straight up on the verge of tears (and Jorah notices). She's been giving Jon heart eyes this whole episode -clearly she's crushin'. She tells him she hasn't given him permission to leave. Jon claps back: 🔥🔥With respect your Grace, I don't need permission, I am a king. 🔥🔥 And he asks for her to trust a stranger and work with him, aka: fight with me. And Dany nods her head. We shoot on over to Winterfell and the Northerners are getting itchy since Jon's been gone awhile and still isn't back. Lord Glover and Lord Royce imply that Sansa should be their queen, but Sansa insists they must trust Jon. Arya (who was watching this exchange) follows Sansa back to her chambers and tosses random veiled insults at her -implying that Sansa is still vain and that she wants to seize Jon's power for herself. I think Sansa held her own pretty well here, but WTF?! Why do they have to do this distrust shit with the Stark sisters? This makes me so damn angry! @a-baleful-howl called this earlier in the week -that Arya would be jealous -and I vehemently disagreed (politely you Nonny assholes who gave her shit, because that's how you have a productive conversation) -as I thought that years of separation and thinking the other was probably dead, that the girls had matured and would put family above all because THAT is what Starks do ... but nope. I'm still holding onto hope that my Starklings are playing LF -but in the meantime, @a-baleful-howl ...enjoy your justice boner. We're in KL now, Davos tell Tyrion to hurry, then heads off to flea bottom to look for something. Bronn brings Jamie down to the crypts and then takes off, leaving the Lannister boys to an emotional yet frigid reunion. Tyrion pleads for Jamie's help in convincing Cersei to meet with Dany. We jump back to Davos who has found what he's looking for: Gendry! Bless my heart, I've missed that adorable little bastard! They head back to the boat to wait for Tyrion and are approached by some gold cloaks who recognize Tyrion, and Gendry quickly dispatches them with his trusty war hammer (like father, like son). We head up to Cersei's quarters. Jamie confesses that he met with Tyrion, and Cersei already knows, as she asks him if he'll be punishing Bronn for his betrayal. She implies she knows everything that's going on in her city. Cersei agrees to the meeting, but she ma already scheming. She's got a new lease on life- she's pregnant. Jamie wants to know who she'll name as the father, and she says him. She doesn't care what people think. They kiss passionately, and when they embrace, she warns him not to betray her again. Now where have we heard that before??? Now we're back at Dragonstone. Davos and Gendry make their way to the mines and Davos warns Gendry again to keep his identity to himself. Gendry however, immediately does the opposite and our bastard boys bond immediately --and honestly, I am so in love! They are totally my new brotp! ❤️ Gendry insists on coming too, and adopted dad Davos is worried about his boys. We're still on the beach, but it's the next day. Tyrion tells Jorah he missed him, gives him the slavers coin, and tells him to bring it back because the queen needs him. Dany approaches and takes Jordan's hands affectionately. I kind of feel like Jorah wanted to tell her he loves her, but he sees Jon approaching and kisses her hands, then moves for the boat. Jon's goodbye: "Well, if I don't return, at least you won't have to deal with the King in the North anymore." Dany (heart eyed dreamy stare & sweet voice): "I've grown used to him." Jon (nonchalantly): "I wish you good fortune in the wars to come, your Grace." ✌🏻 then immediately heads for the boat. Dany watches the men haul the boat into the waves, Tyrion watches Dany watching, and Jorah looks back. Jon does not. JON DOESN'T LOOK BACK!!! That's an epic plus for our ship guys. Lovers last glance is def. a romance trope, and Jon didn't look back!!! Okay, whew! I jumped up and flung all the pillows off my couch, and I think my husband is now considering admitting me. 😂😂😂 We head back to the Citadel, and poor Sam looks fucking stressed. Gilly (who loves to read) is telling him about this maester who took meticulous notes (including how many times he dropped a deuce). She asks Sam what an annulment is, and says that in the notes it says this maester preceded over a secret annulment in Dorne, that followed immediately by a wedding -both belonging to none other than Prince Rhaegar. What a dick. Seriously. Sam has freaking had it! He jumps up, gives little Sammy the book he was working on (and look how much he's grown) and now we see him unlocking the locked book section and stuffing books and scrolls into a satchel. On his way out, he stops and looks up at the huge thing-amabob on the ceiling one last time while his theme song plays, and then he hops in a wagon with Gilly and they are out. My guess is heading to Winterfell. He's tired of just reading about the achievements of better men. Dammit Sam Tarly, you get in the precious dewdrop category with Davos! Speaking of Winterfell, LF is doing his creepy shit -meeting with a girl from wintertown. She gives him something, and Arya is watching in the shadows. He heads back to his room and someone approaches him (a maester?) who says something about the former maesters archives. LF asks if he's sure it's the only copy and then tells the dude that Lady Stark thanks him for his service. Arya who watches the exchange in the shadows, waits for him to leave his room, then picks the lock and searches for the slip of paper. Eventually she finds it in a tear in his mattress. What he hid, appears to be the message that Sansa had sent to Robb after their father was killed (the letter Cersei had her write). As Arya leaves the room, LF emerged from the shadows with his sinister grin. 🙄 We stop finally at Eastwatch. The boys head down to the dungeon where the hound and his religious weirdo travel companions are being detained. Gendry's still pretty pissed at them, and Davos still has his healthy skepticism of this damn religion (and you know I love him so much for that, and I'll bring it up every damn time, too)! It ends with all our boys -all hostile towards someone else in the group, heading through the open gate to the other side of the wall. So a few things to note here: the leaks aren't always accurate. This was one of those episodes. I was really hoping that Jon and the Hound would share some words on Sansa and Arya, but maybe that will be next week. Overall, it wasn't too bad after a rewatch, and it wasn't a bad episode for our ship AT ALL. While Dany seems to have some serious heart eyes for our boy, Kit's just not playing it interested, man. Thanks for tuning in. See you next week!

[junker-town]

4 big storylines for the NWSL playoffs

Sam Kerr and Vlatko Andonovski have their swan songs, the Thorns try to right the ship and the Courage are just extremely good.

The NWSL semifinals take place on Sunday, and oh god the Courage already scored oh no they scored another one, this is gonna get ugly.

Sorry, now that I’ve got a joke off, both games should be very entertaining. The Reign, coached by presumed next USWNT manager Vlatko Andonovski, are finally healthy and should give the reigning champs a stiff test. The other match, between the red hot Chicago Red Stars and ice cold Portland Thorns, also has a clear favorite but plenty of reasons for the underdog side to believe.

These are the four big storylines you should get caught up on before the games.

Enjoy your last chance to see Sam Kerr in NWSL

Sam Kerr is only able to make close to the amount of money she’s worth playing in the salary-capped NWSL because she splits time between the Chicago Red Stars and Australian W-League’s Perth Glory. She makes a lot more in Australia than she does in the United States. But this week, the FFA admitted that Kerr is unlikely to play in W-League this season. That’s bad news for Red Stars fans.

While Kerr hasn’t announced her plans yet, it’s pretty easy to piece together the puzzle. It would be stunning if she played exclusively for the Red Stars for $46,000 per season. Kerr is almost certainly heading abroad, which means you’ll probably see her suit up for one of Europe’s biggest names soon.

Kerr is arguably the best player in NWSL history. She’s the league’s all-time leading scorer, capturing her third consecutive golden boot this year. The league will undoubtedly be worse off without her.

But she’s got some work left to do before she leaves. The Red Stars, despite consistently having one of the league’s most talented rosters, have never won a playoff game. They’re favorites at home against the Portland Thorns, who have made the last two championship games, but are currently out of form.

Kerr will be fondly remembered as an NWSL and Red Stars legend no matter what happens this weekend, but she’d love to exit on a high.

Hey, WTF is up with the Thorns?

So, about the aforementioned Thorns. They posted an impressive 3-0 victory over the Red Stars on August 25 and have struggled mightily since, winning just one of their last six matches. Even more worrying, they scored just one goal during that run. Those six games include a shocking 6-0 defeat to the North Carolina Courage that felt like it could have been 12-0, plus a 2-0 derby defeat to Reign FC.

Why Portland’s attack has been so poor is tough to say. Christine Sinclair, Tobin Heath, Lindsey Horan, Caitlin Foord and Margaret Purce are all healthy. They’re actually doing a better job creating a high volume of shots than they were earlier in the season when they were scoring a ton of goals. The ball just isn’t going in the net.

They’re going to have to reverse that trend against a Chicago team that has won five games in a row, with a defense anchored by defender of the year candidate Casey Short, and World Cup winner Alyssa Naeher behind her in goal. The Thorns will not be gifted anything. They’re going to have to score from a world class move or an absolute banger.

Vlatko Andonovski’s shot at a storybook ending

Pen hasn’t hit paper yet, but all signs point to Reign FC manager Vlatko Andonovski being the next head coach of the United States women’s national team.

If you’re a casual women’s soccer fan just checking in for the playoffs, you might wonder why he’s been tabbed for the job ahead of other NWSL managers. His team has just 27 goals this season, exactly half the number scored by the Courage, the Reign’s opponents this weekend. But just getting to the playoffs at all required an outrageous coaching performance by Andonovski, and I don’t ever want to hear another coach complain about not having a talented enough roster ever again.

Reign FC lost an entire roster’s worth of players to injury and international duty this season. Their 33 players used — in a league with 20-player rosters! — is by far the most of any team in the league. Megan Rapinoe, named the best player in the world by FIFA, recorded 0 goals and 0 assists for the Reign this year. Jessica Fishlock, one of the world’s best midfielders, tore her ACL five games into the year. Andonovski got quality minutes out of assistant coach Stephanie Cox, who had been retired for two years. The team’s leading scorer, Bethany Balcer, played college soccer in NAIA.

Some key players are still out with season-ending injuries, but Andonovski finally has a large, healthy squad to pick from this weekend. Internationals Rapinoe, Allie Long, Steph Catley, Celia Jimenez Delgado, Rosie White and Jodie Taylor are all finally fit and settled in. No one expects the Reign to beat the Courage, but their squad is finally ready for the level of challenge.

Can we just take a second to appreciate the Courage? Holy crap.

Over the last four seasons, Paul Riley has coached the same core of players to seven trophies. Three NWSL shields, two NWSL championships, two International Champions Cups, and of course, they’re still in the running to win a triple. For the second season in a row.

The Courage scored 13 more goals than the second-best team, on 103 more shots. They allowed four fewer goals than the next best defense in the playoffs. I don’t need to tell you why they’re the favorites to win the title; their history and this season’s numbers speak for themselves. But the really cool thing about the Courage isn’t how good they are, but rather how they got here.

Ten players — Katelyn Rowland, Sam Mewis, Abby Erceg, McCall Zerboni, Lynn Williams, Jessica McDonald, Abby Dahlkemper, Jaelene Hinkle, Kristen Hamilton and Meredith Speck — have been with Riley for the entire ride, from the first title with the Western New York Flash through the move to North Carolina. The additions of stars like Crystal Dunn and Stephanie Labbe have certainly helped, but the players who weren’t even expected to make the playoffs in 2016 still form the backbone of arguably the best team in the history of women’s soccer four years later.

There was not one human being in 2016, including Paul Riley, who thought this was a world-beating superteam in the making. Which is why, even after all the trophies, Riley’s “nobody believes in us” bit hasn’t gotten stale with his players. It’s been four years and I still can’t quite believe they’re real.

NWSL semifinals: Sunday, October 20

North Carolina Courage vs. Reign FC: 1:30 p.m. ET, ESPN2

Chicago Red Stars vs. Portland Thorns FC: 3:30 p.m. ET, ESPN2