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[nri-prioritise-your-voice]

r u the hatman

Found several packs' worth of pokemon cards strewn across a target parking lot and took a pic to show my friends without realizing how much my outfit elevated the scene to "aftermath of a wizard duel"

[rainia]

americans pleeease. please kill elon musk 🙏🙏🥺😔😩🙏 americans! please. Please !!! kill elon musk. don't you remember gun.. ? bang bang ? your favorite game..? Americans... please. 😔🙏 have you forgotten your local deity, captain america: kill nazis??? americans !! I know you can do it 🥺🙏 please americans..

[paper-starz]

He’s stretchy! He’s funny! He’s silly! He’s gummy!

D-O-E-Y!! Doey!!

I can draw him properly!!

AND SOME FANART FROM THE WONDERFUL DOUGHLETS AU BY MY AMAZING FRIEND @moldypoff !!!

Silly guys fr,,, 🥺

[nebulations]

[ID: Photos of a lamb plush with its eyes closed, shown via long lashes that make it seem peaceful. End ID]

[heartbeetz]

Having a moment rn.... I want to marry him a billion times. Anton I love youuuuuu..... waaahhh.....

[quietwitness]

Gimme my butches

the women of america were once promised that butch dykes would be lurking in all corners of society, ready to corrupt our minds and turn us all gay. what ever happened to that. where are the butches uncle sam.

[waveoftheocean]

tfw you have a reputation to maintain but a sparkly alien keeps trying to become friends with you 😔✨️

[batcavescolony]

Odysseus: I am different, I am no longer the man you married, it's been 20 long years but if you could just fall in love with me again?

Penelope: if you can do something for me

Odysseus: anything

Penelope: move my wedding bed.

Odysseus: I can't, it's made out of a living tree, to move it I would have to destroy it. How can yo-

Penelope: oh, I thought we were asking each other stupid questions?

Odysseus:

Penelope: 'FaLl iN lOvE wItH mE aGaiN' to do that I would have had to stop loving you.

[pangur-and-grim]

one thing that took me embarrassingly long to learn is "sometimes when people say things, they will not be true."

I used to tell people about this revelation and they'd be like yeah.....duh.....but like, why wouldn't my base assumption be that you're communicating to me in a straightforward manner. anyway, I get scammed a lot.

[heraldofcrow]

@fantomette22

mansion of the apple moon 🍎🌙

[o0kawaii0o]

I'll tell you a secret... my name 'Sam' is short for 'Samson'.

[anundyingfidelity]

me and the logan hoes 😭

[joonieskinks]

simon ghost riley is sometimes a little blunt (warning: smut)

You adore him for who he is, but it still unnerves you with just how blunt he can be at times.

It usually happens privately with just you:

“In about 5 minutes, I’m gonna eat you out.” He says as you are in the middle of The Goblet of Fire on the couch. You almost choked on your popcorn.

Or you’re doing laundry in the morning. “We need pineapple juice next time we’re out, want you to enjoy swallowing next time you’re suckin me off.” Jaw dropped.

He does it in front of the team too- and sometimes it’s even worse:

You accidentally dropped your lip balm onto the bar floor while fishing it out of your purse and bend to pick it up.

“Haven’t seen that angle in a while, dove. It’s been too long since we done doggy.”

It’s a never-ending series of eyebrow raises when Simon decides to open up his mouth and you’re around, needless to say. You brunt all of the embarrassment and the deep blushes, Simon couldn’t give a shit. He didn’t even clock it when John, Johnny and Kyle would all give him shocked looks. Man just owns it. Completely unbothered.

“Youre wearin the skirt you wear when you wanna get fucked. That your goal?”

“Simon!” You hiss, you can feel the red hot heat rush to your face.

But he just stares back at you, waiting for your response. You can hardly believe how composed he is when his Captain is right there glaring at him.

“So?”

“I need another beer.” John excuses himself, he can’t even look you in the eyes right now. Kyle joins him shortly after making a run for it, but you’re left with a quiet Johnny patiently waiting for you to respond. Eager, almost. Joy.

“You can’t just say things like that in public, especially not in front of your friends!” You lecture, pulling down your skirt in the process.

“Why? If you wanted to fuck, you could’ve just said so, love. Give me 2 to down this pint and I’ll meet you in the toilets, yeah?”

“Simon!” You smack his thigh.

“Can I watch?” Johnny asks excitedly.

“No!-“ “Fine.”

Johnny’s face lights up while yours gives Simon a death stare.

“Do you want it or not?” You roll your eyes and throw your purse over your shoulder.

“You two are ridiculous.” And they watch you walk away.

Simon only shrugs, pounding back his beer before coming after you. Doesn’t make a difference to him if he fucks you here and now or at home and later.

“… so is that a no?” Johnny asks with puppy eyes.