#꒰🥀�� ❝ Tragic Prose ❞
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Gotta say. I wish lobotomies were still preformed. A hole through my amygdala would probably fix a good 80% of my problems
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#hmm. how do I explain this without sounding like I’m batshit crazy#since uhh. I wanna say last night I’ve been in a weird emotional minotaurs labyrinth#it goes from ‘wow I’m so happy I’m alive’ -> ‘I’m human scum’ -> ‘heehee I’m so loved for’ -> [the next one is too long]#‘whenever I’m happy someone I care for is upset and vice versa so the only way to ensure my loved ones are happy is to make myself suffer’#call it what it is: MOOD SWINGS#I ❤️ HAVING HORMONES#ehh maybe hormones isn’t the sole cause. it could just be the untreated mental problems as usual#I dunno. I hate not knowing what’s wrong with me#anyways hi good morning
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Sighs so incredibly loudly
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#okay listen here’s the thing. I’ve been trying very hard to make the whole ‘me and my longtime partner broke up’ thing stay private#because 1.) it doesn’t have much place in the public eye and 2.) I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea and start harassing my ex#but eh… I’ll vent about it a little just this once#something I didn’t realize I’d take for granted was how my ex had basically the same taste as me#well. not down to a T but we had a lot of mutual interests and they’d be really supportive of my new crushes no matter how weird#now all of THAT is out the window I’m a bit too scared to talk about my more out-there F/Os#I know realistically you guys wouldn’t actually make fun of me but I am perpetually scared of scaring the hoes#so uh. Sorry#I realize this is kind of a milquetoast thing to whine about considering I’m talking about a fucking BREAK UP#but let’s be real if I ACTUALLY went on about the ‘oh no I miss them so much I’m nothing without them I’m a horrible person’#> shtick I’ve been thinking about for days now you guys would be sick and tired of me by now#anyways. good morning nothing like venting to start your day right
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[limps in covered in blood] h…. Hey guys… w-who wan-t-t me… [collapses to ground]
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#DENTIST WENT BADLY.#five cavities. so much scraping. a tense conversation that shouldn’t have been had at a dentists office#I hate it here. I hate it in this green basement#F/O save me.. save me F/O#[tails gets trolled sonic voice] I’m so tired. I’m gonna play Miitopia so I won’t be so tired#(okay maybe later I’m too tired rn)
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[that one picture of JFK] My Day. Be So Fine. Then Boom. Lesbian Imposter Syndrome
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#hm. how do I explain this without sounding insane#so y’know that post I made about making a WLW imagine and a funny DNI banner to go with it#the banner was gonna include ‘do not derail or tag as a male F/O’#which I realized. would be pretty hypocritical as someone with male F/Os that outnumber my female F/Os#(even if I hand wipe it and say they’re all butch/transfem)#I dunno. I always feel like I’m not Actually a lesbian sometimes. which doesn’t help when the selfship community is pretty guy focused#AND has a bit of a habit of giving wuhluhwuhs the short end of the stick#but whatevs. fuck it we ball#one day I’ll get a good grade in being a lesbian (something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)
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Do not get the wrong idea… although my username and icon are lesbianusahana and I frequently talk about how gay I am I’d actually rather jump out a window on a several story tall building than come out to my family as a lesbian
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#RAZ LORE LIGHTNING ROUND for the new followers#don’t get the wrong idea! I love my mom. I’m very blessed to have such a tolerant and supportive mom#HOWEVER. just because she’s supportive doesn’t mean she’s normal. huge difference#she frequently gossips about her gay coworkers and despite pushing 50 is one of those Fandom Mom fujoshis who frequents AO3 religiously#I remember when I tried to initially ID as a lesbian I never came out. she found out by going on my Instagram profile and reading my carrd#fortunately she took it like a champ and was completely fine with it!#and honestly I would’ve been fine if she didn’t. y’know. make really uncomfortable jokes about lesbian sex to me#if I sound like I’m lying I promise I’m not. she’s just like that. she’s a walking talking Oppa Homeless Style kinda person#and don’t get me started on my dad. I wouldn’t say he’s bigoted per se I genuinely think he’s too stupid to actually be a bigot#years ago we went back to school shopping and I found this cute hat with a really small rainbow on it#and he was really hesitant on getting it because. he thought I’d be bullied. if kids thought I was gay.#and on the same shopping trip I showed him this Polaroid shirt I got with rainbow colors#and he said#(and I quote)#‘Oh because of gay rights?’#which is. uh. huh???#yeah I don’t think he has it in him to be bigoted but his little walnut sized brain would explode#fortunately my older sister is very cool. when I thought I was transmasc for a while she took it super well#so I don’t think she’ll care if I ever come out to her#see here’s the thing. my mom and sister technically know I’m gay#well. my explanation is ‘I’m bi but I prefer girls’ which they get. trying to tell them I’m a lesbian again is too risky a gamble#anyways. tangent over just was mulling over some stuff
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Less than a day into ID’ing as a lesbian and I’m already having second thoughts #yay
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#le sigh…#I thought I’d be more content being a lesbian#because for actual MONTHS I was like ‘hmm. maybe I’m not as bisexual as I thought I’d be’#but I was giving some of the things I’m into and I’m worried that they only really apply to guys#that and the uneven ratio of guys to chicks on my F/O list isn’t helping#(even if I headcanon my guy F/Os as transfem or butch)#its just. head in hands#I thought I’d be over the questioning point by now#I’m tired sis….
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[takes a big ass whiff of copium] You know what??? My F/Os WOULDN’T mind that I’m not very expressive!! They DON’T have problems if I don’t verbally express that I love them!! They DON’T care that I don’t always express myself in more conventional ways because they KNOW that even if I don’t express it explicitly I DO love them!! [takes another big ass whiff of copium] COUGH cough HACK holy shit look at this
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#sorry for the vent it’s just doing schoolwork in the dining room and its consequences has been a disaster for the human race#so for a little more context. I go to an online homeschool program and I do most of my schoolwork in the dining room#and my mom works from home and her office is pretty close to the dining room#and pretty often I can hear her gossip with her coworkers#she was talking with one of her coworkers with an autistic kid and she was sharing advice she learned from raising me#which would be FINE if she didn’t say it in the most passive aggressive way possible#she went on about this accolade about the first time I voluntarily told her I loved her and she made a big stink about it#because. she earnestly was worried I was sociopathic……???#which is SO stupid like. TikTok psychology has ruined her brain I think#it makes me really irritated whenever she talks about it like that because. you’d think as someone who’s ALSO autistic#she’d have more nuance to the subject#okay vent over I just needed to ramble
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Joey’s Woes of the Day without context
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#I’m gonna admit something kind of ridiculous#I’ve already been in a ‘wah wah I’m a terrible person’ mood for a while#but what if. I told you seeing someone’s OC x canon art with Triffanÿ was enough of a catalyst to make my mood 10x worse#not sure how to explain without sounding like I’m batshit crazy but stick with me here#I’m laughably bad at practicing what I preach when it comes to ‘no bro your F/O WOULD love you’#so I guess seeing That when I’m already in an Xbox HATE Joey mood was a weird nail in the coffin#that my brain rationalized as ‘See she’d probably want nothing to do with you either’#TLDR: bad mood + seeing OC x canon art of an F/O I’m VERY uncomfortable sharing = GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY#i realize this makes no sense. I’m just as confused as you are#anyways. sighhhh#I hate talking about stuff like this because it’s kind of whiny and nonsensical#but whatevs. foretold on the freaky slab
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BEHIND THE SCENES LOOK AT THE JOEY PHILANTHROPIST ARC
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#suicide mention cw#do not be fooled… although I’ve been trying to keep an optimistic demeanor if One More Bad Thing Happens I’m gonna be on the news#another classic example of Joey Can’t Practice What They Preach If Their Life Depended On It#I’ve accepted that I won’t live past my mid-20s but at least I have. uhhhh. at least I have.#um. I’ll get back to you on that
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So y’know how I said I wouldn’t really be active because personal stuff has led me to not be very excited for Halloween? Well turns out my recent emotionalness might just because my period started. My life is a comedy
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#menstruation cw#I mean. I have to assume being wizard depressed isn’t helping my case but y’know#it at least explains why I’ve been in so much pain lately#girl. I’m going to enlist in a talent show#(for context making jokes about ‘putting on the biggest talent show this town’s ever seen’ is to kick my habit of suicide jokes)#(whether or not it’s actually working I’ll leave up to viewer interpretation)
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Are lobotomies still legal. I think I could use one. It’d do me a huge favor
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#ventin first thing in the morning as the good lord allows#LEGAL DISCLAIMER: the following tangent is not about anyone specifically. I’m not trying to vague here that’s just immature and petty#this is mostly a general thing that’s been frustrating me for the past day or two#anyhoo. sigh. hyperempathy is a game I lose every day of my goddamn life#it’s something I’ve struggled with for a few years now but it’s Really getting tedious again#I don’t get it dawg!!! why is my brain making me feel the same misery and exhaustion that someone else does when they’re in a terrible place#shit sucks fam!!#and I Know I Know I’m not responsible for automatically helping EVERYONE and their problems#but there is a devil in my brain insisting if I don’t automatically go into Captain Save a Hoe mode I’m no better than like. Jeffrey Dahmer#I realize this doesn’t make a lick of sense but this is a Joey vent we’re talking about I think rationality is out of the question here#anyways. I need a needle shot through the part of my brain that makes me process emotions. I need to take the emotionless pill
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One of the funniest phenomenons for me personally is getting ready to make a melodramatic vent post before having a moment of clarity where I go
And immediately stop what it was I was about to post
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#I feel like if I actually went into detail you guys will think I’m BANANAS#(I mean assuming you guys don’t already)#so I will spare you poor souls the theatrics. just know a Weird Moment occurred I will try to ignore so I don’t explode
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#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#hi everyone who just followed me. sorry for trauma dumping#I know it’s 11pm but also a solid 85% of the people who follow me live on the east coast so I really doubt anyone’s gonna see#but uh. hi. I feel like shit eureka#it’s weird. in my mind I had a more elaborate vent planned but now that I’m actually writing it it’s all falling apart#MUCH LIKE MYSELF AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?! [canned laughter]#to put it in a way that probably won’t get me admitted to the nearest shrink there’s a Lot of factors that’re why I’m so miserable#most of them pretty nonsensical and downright stupid but they’re still pretty bad#I’ll spare you all the details because you came here for me posting about cartoon characters not me whining about menial shit#but yeah. not sure how to end this tangent. if you read this far sorry about the scabies
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Much to think about etc etc
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#Y’know now that I’m in a clearer state of mind I’ve been thinking. I kinda know why The Gastoning effect takes place#it usually happens when I’m so miserable I kind of imagine one of my F/Os taking terrible feelings out on me#(either because I feel incapable of love or like my problems would be too much of a problem)#so that’s kind of why I had to put Wambus on the shelf for a month until I felt normal again#granted I dropped Gaston altogether because he’s just. a horrible guy and my BATB phase was embarrassing as fuck but y’know#well! guess who maaaay or may not be Gastoning with Morry 😭#so far it’s like REALLY tame Gastoning. just me imagining him saying shitty things to me it’s milquetoast for Gastoning standards#its not bad enough I’m making Snaktural Selection 2 but uh. I’m gonna be cautious#if you just understood any of that I owe you a thousand apologies#and for all the NEW people here from my lesbian day promo I owe you even MORE apologies
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Loooong venty-tangent under the cut. Reader beware etc etc
My better judgement knows that perpetually talking about The Askers will probably only draw more attention to them and drag out the situation further than it should've been. But they'll always end up finding me sooner or later, so, y'know, whatever.
I know it's probably kind of silly to let people who can't be older than at the very least 15 genuinely get in my head, but it's different when you're on the receiving end of that sort of behavior and not just observing it. The optimist in me wants to believe that they genuinely just didn't know better, but the fact that most of them seemed to be aware that making throwaway blogs for days just to message me doesn't seem to support the theory that they're completely innocent.
Really, the most confusing part of it all was the last ask, getting snippy at me for having the audacity to have my boundaries respected over. Self-shipping?? Apparently??? I won't try to question their logic, but it really makes no sense. I do remember before the worst of the asks, I was on the receiving end of some pretty meanspirted asks because someone got cross with me not being comfortable sharing my F/Os because (and I quote) "[your F/Os aren't] real, where's the boundaries at?". So, I have to wonder if at least one of the askers decided to send me passive aggresive asks, only to turn around and start worshipping the ground I walk on.
In a sense, I get it. I was in a similar place like theirs years ago. There was an artist who I loved, so I kept bombarding them with asks, and I only stopped once they started getting snippier with me and turned off anon. The difference is, however, I felt so bad about making them upset, that was my push to stop.
I know it might be asking too much, but I can only hope the askers learn from their ways and change for the better
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#wouldja look at that. for once in my baka ass life I remembered to use my vent tag!#this is just a bunch of word vomit so I'll be thoroughly impressed if anyone reads it all the way#and if you do know I have to respect the hustly#but anyhoo#I guess it's kind of stupid letting a bunch of randos genuinely make me feel unsafe on my own blog#but it sort of felt like they treated me less like a person but an idol. a can-do-no-wrong god who exists only to please them#I remember on my art sideblog I got an ask from one of the anons#they didn't even call me “Joey”. just “Cosmos” as if I weren't even the person behind it#and I'm sure that posting this will make no difference#but what difference will there be? sooner or later they'll find me and the cycle repeat over and over and over again#okay tangent over. sorry
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Honestly this is probably just me overthinking because getting Kind Of Peculiar Asks is absolutely not a new concept but recently whenever I see my mutuals responding to really specific asks sent by anonymous users, especially if send in rapid fire, I have to worry “Oh god is that indirectly MY fault” since one of The Asks was someone asking me what blogs I followed and I listed some blogs I liked/we’re mutuals with. I’m sure none of this has to do with me or The Anons but I feel like this solidifying further proof that all I do is ruin the lives of others around me I’m literally the lowest of the low
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#okay self-pity wallowing over I’m (mostly) normal#hi everyone who followed me yesterday that wasn’t already a mutual from my old blog. hope this isn’t a bad first impression#I would’ve added more to the post but I had enough clarity to stop myself before saying something stupider#but TLDR: @friends. it’s okay if you need to bail on me. no hard feelings. totes get it#I like me just as much as you do trust me
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