#流淚

[shirozen]

Catching the spicy tears

[antsloveyun]

[onpointbible]

談天說道 之 痛苦有解藥

「我靠著那賜給我能力的，一切都能夠應付。」（腓立比書第四章13節《環球聖經譯本》） 記者：錢妙儀 環球天道傳基協會上週舉辦了「傷癒之路──哀傷治療」講座，講員余德淳博士提到，每一個生命都有生命力，都能夠找到生命的意義；而痛苦有解藥，就是上帝，能夠幫助人們走過傷痛的日子。 察覺與療癒 傷是痂，一個烙印。觀察自己有沒有問題？用一塊鏡子便可。開不開心自己能看見，樣子反映出來。「覺」是知覺，發現自己不妥，想痊癒。這兩步���得好，已療癒一半，是好開始。真正痊癒就要去到可以幫助別人的地步，個人會感到有力量，精神愈來愈好；縱然仍不開心，但不被纏繞。哀傷的人會經歷不安、迷惘與苦惱的階段，卻要面對並接受生死有時的現實。生存是美麗的，但死亡都是美麗的，都是出自上帝一雙手，祂創造了生死時機。有人認為自殺可以破壞這設定，但自殺獲救的人也不少呢！ 有人問：「如何忘記一生的傷痛，進到人生快樂的時光？」   …

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

既然，哭也一生，笑也一生。那就選擇笑，就算流淚也要笑。

Lan~*

“I’m a simple person who hides a thousand feelings behind the happiest smile.”

— Unknown

[potteresque-ire]

Happy 8th Debut Anniversary, Gg! Since so many of your fans have already expressed their well wishes so beautifully, I'm just going to post my celebratory dance here 😁😁😁. (What? it's not like I can replicate any other of your or Dd's dance performances!! THIS IS YOUR (AND DD'S) FAULT.) (For those who have not seen this "dark history" gem video from Gg's X-Nine days — it's a rehearsal clip for the X-Nine Variety Show Ep4, aired December 2016 — lyrics + why this performance is in my BJYX treasure chest under the cut!!)

Okay, why don't I start with what the song is about? Published in 1997 by the aboriginal Taiwanese singer Ayol Komod 張震嶽 (Chang Chen-yue), the song is about a teenager's first heart break.

It got very popular because the tune's catchy, and because it's funny! The teenager in question.... definitely isn't the at-the-cusp-of-adulthood-YA-romance-male-lead type. Ayol admitted later that he got the inspiration of the song's grammatically Japanese name, 愛的初體驗, also known as 愛之初體驗 or 愛の初體驗 (Love's First Experience; の being the Japanese character for possessive), from a porn magazine cover in a Japanese convenience store.

(Japanese porn, more commonly known as AV, was (is?) an obsession for many teenage boys in the region, as one can imagine). Now, on to the lyrics. This poor teenager, how did he tell his heartbreak story?

如果說你要離開我 請誠實點來告訴我 不要偷偷摸摸的走 像上次一樣等半年 If you're leaving me, please honestly tell me. Don't sneak your way out, make me wait half a year like last time. 如果說你真的要走 把我的相片還給我 在你身上也沒有用 我可以還給我媽媽 If you're really taking off, give me back my photo. It's not useful on you. I can return it to my mom. 什麼天長地久 只是隨便說說 你愛我那一點 你也說不出口 What is everlasting (love)? It's just talk. What do you love about me? You can't even say. 你認識了帥哥 就把我丟一旁 天氣熱的夏天 心像寒冷冬夜 So you meet a handsome guy, and dump me to the side. Hot is the summer, but my heart is cold as a winter's night. 想要買酒來澆憂愁 卻懶懶不想出去走 想要來一包長壽煙 發現我未滿十八歲 Want to buy alcohol to douse my sorrow, but feel lazy and don't want to go out. Want to buy a pack of Longlife cigarettes, and realize I'm not yet 18. 是不是我的十八歲 註定要為愛���流淚 是不是我的十八歲 註定要為愛情流淚 Is it that my 18 years old is fated to shed tears for love? Is it that my 18 years old is fated to shed tears for love?

The "give the photo back to my mom" is usually when I burst into chuckles ... and makes sure I wouldn't place this teenager, age-wise, anywhere remotely close to adulthood 😁. The lower-end teenage age was suggested in Ayol's original music video too (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4shwLyB7690), in which toys were abundant, including Barbie and Godzilla figures representing the "girlfriend" (who probably thought of the teenager as no more than a kid) and the handsome guy.

I'd place this poor kid in early high school at the oldest, perhaps? Meanwhile, this kid was imagining himself as this tragic male lead suffering a romance-novel-worthy heart break. Hence, the use of phrases and analogies common in those books (such as everlasting 天長地久; literally, "long (in length) as the skies and long (in time) as the earth") and, more importantly, calling up "mature" imageries associated with heart break, of alcohol and cigarettes. These details, ironically, simultaneously gave away just how young he was, most telling being that he was not yet 18 years old, the minimum legal age at the time to purchase both in Taiwan. This explains Gg (and PCY's) awesomely silly moves in the dance, which matched the lyrics both in meaning and in style. While the lyrics isn't included in the video I posted, here's the shot of them playing the teenager handing his photo back to his mom after a swipe of it on his pants (0:36):

... imagining himself getting drunk (~1:13):

... and smoking (1:19):

I've gone through the performances on Youtube of this song (yes, because research is absolutely necessarily on something like this), and this is the only one in which the singer(s) accurately capture(s) the ... 小學雞 Xiao Xue Ji ness of the teenage narrator (Turtles all remember Xiao Xue Ji "Primary School Chicken", right?). Other performances tend to turn the song into a showcase of singing prowess, as is common and, as some of us may be reminded of over these last few days, necessary in performances intended for mainland China's audience (here's an example by Coco Lee (RIP): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFOCMgB7UoA). While singing prowess is much appreciated, sometimes, an audience like myself just wishes for something fun. Something goofy. For a good laugh, to shout along to (I'd never call whatever escapes my voice box "singing"), to do celebratory dances with. This video delivers for me 😊. With similar sentiments, I prefer this video over the actual performance in the X-Nine Variety Show (https://youtu.be/F1jXP2R-zy4?si=N1Hg1IKwp-dRc_vM 2:10:05), which is more prepped, less casual. Gg mentioned in the show that this song is retro (the glasses were a nod to that; Ayol's MV also had retro elements), and I find the faded colors of the rehearsal video more complementing to this retro feel. Its camerawork was also much better at capturing the fake manga fight that made up so much of the heart of Xiao Xue Ji ness (a special shoutout to whoever feigned the Qi Gong reaction, who did it better than Gg's teammates in the actual show).

Hmm. What else? Oh, maybe, since I'm feeling self-indulgent (I think I say the same thing in every post?), let me share a little something personal that cements the place this performance has in my BJYX treasure chest. Some of you may have noticed the "Longlife cigarettes" (長壽煙) in the lyrics. The very ... curious brand name aside (Longlife? For cigarettes?), this is yet another element in the song in which the teenage narrator tries to create an image of maturity ... and only made him sound young. You see, in Taiwan, cigarettes had used to be sold by the government only, until 1987 when the government opened its market for foreign imports. "Longlife", a high-end cigarette line, had made its debut in the late 1950s. So the brand name, to be fair, had been created before the health effects of cigarettes were known. Regardless, the government's monopoly on cigarette sales allowed Longlife to own the vast majority (more than 3/4) of the marketshare until the foreign brands took over in the late 1980s, after which its sales plummeted.

"Longlife cigarettes" is therefore extremely well known in Taiwan — hence, its inclusion in the song, and to the point that the Taiwanese government, in the early 2000s, got caught in a dilemma + controversy of whether to rebrand the famous cigarettes, now that they were known to work against a long life. (It didn't.)

"Longlife cigarettes" is therefore also retro, the majority of its smokers being of the parents', and grandparents' generation. That our teenage hero thought of Longlife cigarettes — he had likely picked up that image from those generations above him, the "old people" — further suggested his knowledge about cigarettes wasn't from his peers (who would likely be smoking the foreign brands), because he was too young... ... Young, like me! (Hey, I * was * young in 1997!). Longlife just happened to be my grandpa's favourite cigarettes as well. It was ... at the turn of the millenium, a year or two after the release of this song, I think? When my mom told me how she used to light my grandpa's favourite cigarettes for him as a child. Predictably, the brand name made me cackle. Soon, with the Xiao Xue Ji spirit strong in me, it captured my imagination enough that the next time I visited Taiwan, I took a photo with a box of Longlife cigarettes at the airport's duty-free shop before bothering with things like Immigration and Customs. In the same ... chickenly spirit, therefore, I've already reported to my mom that Gg is / has the intention of smoking my grandpa's favourite cigarettes ... my grandpa who passed away before I was born. She has always been amused at my curious enthusiasm over that curious brand name, and she liked that it formed a curious connection between me and my grandpa. She, of course, knows about Gg and Dd, and my curious interest in them. On this happy anniversary, therefore, I may not have a photo to return to my mom, but I have this video and I'm sending it to her. * Duck Dances *

Ah, maybe along with Gg's other performances this week. He's only a superstar now, right? Right ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️.

PS. Gg, seeing you so happy at the concert the other day makes me wonder: can it possibly mean there will soon be good news to share with fans? Just ... curious 😁.

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

【Part 2】 Not finished yet, I hope soon. Fighting Chuuu Lan 😂😁 我去承億酒店TAi Urban Resort | Kaohsiung B1一家美味的日本北海道えびそば「一幻拉麵」吃晚餐 + 工作 + 短暫放空/稍事休憩 。。。不知道住在寒帶國家的朋友們是否得過一種叫做：「"熱"感冒」的感冒？🙄～是一種很奇怪的難受… 不舒服，嗜睡，感覺頭重重的、一直打噴嚏、流鼻水、不停地流眼淚並且還覺得很熱🔥 🤧🥴 😆 😅 🥹。總之氣候變遷今年夏天特別熱，現在才七月，而我卻天天盼著秋天、冬天趕快來到。

I went to TAi Urban Resort | Kaohsiung B1, a delicious Japanese Hokkaido "Ichigen Ramen", for dinner + work + took a break . . . I wonder if friends who live in cold countries have ever had a cold called "hot" cold? 🙄~ It’s a very strange feeling… discomfort, drowsiness, heavy head, sneezing, runny nose, tears and feeling very hot🔥 🤧🥴 😆 😅 🥹. In short, climate change has made this summer extremely hot. It is only July, but I am looking forward to autumn and winter coming soon. XD Lan~*

[thesnazzysharky]

All Alone - A Inner Monologue from Specimen 9

TW: Implied rape and graphic descriptions of violence. You can also view this story on AO3 as seen here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 我孤身一人。 (I was all alone.) 我從我以為的永久死亡中醒來。濕的。冷。黑暗。我的身體塗滿了黏土。被所有的「木頭」包圍著。 (I woke up from what I thought was my permanent death. Wet. Cold. Dark. My body coated in clay. Surrounded by all the “logs”.) 我的心碎了，支離破碎。我不再知道自己是誰。我是誰？我幾歲了？我叫什麼名字？我以前是住在安靜舒適的家中，還是寒冷破落的街上？我有過妻子或孩子嗎？ (My mind was broken and shattered. I no longer knew who I was. Who was I? How old was I? What was my name? Was I previously living in the quiet comfort of a home or the cold and decrepit streets? Did I ever have a wife or kids?) 我再也記不起… (I could no longer remember…) 那些鬼子… 日本人… (Those demons… the Japanese…) 我記得一些事情 我記得他們所做的一切 實驗 折磨 酷熱 嚴寒 注射 切割 尖叫聲 所有被折磨的男人、婦女、兒童、嬰兒… (I did remember something. I remembered everything they did. The experiments. The torture. The heat. The cold. The injections. The cutting. The screams. All of those tortured men, women, children, infants…) 他們對待我們的方式。我們甚至不被視為人類。對他們來說，我們只是小玩具。他們可以為所欲為的玩具。 (The way they treated us. How we weren't even viewed as human. We were just little toys to them. Toys that they could do whatever they wanted with.) 我仍然記得每天籠罩在我們頭上的絕望。我還記得當那些孩子的父母沒有回到牢房時，他們淚流滿面的表情。我還記得我牢房旁邊的婦女在男人們打開門鎖後，是如何默默受創，她們… (I still remember the despair looming over us everyday. I still remember the tearful looks on those children's faces when their parents didn’t come back to their cells. I still remember how silently traumatized the woman next to my cell was after the men unlocked the door and they…) … 我還記得他們把我剖開的情景。我的身體在劇痛中扭動。我的尖叫聲充斥著整個房間，並在大廳中迴盪。當他們把他們的手和所有的小工具塞進我脆弱的身體時，我向他們求救。然後一切都暗了下來… (I still remember them cutting me open. My body wriggled in agonizing pain. My screams filled the room and echoed down the halls. I begged for help as they jammed their hands and all of their little tools into my fragile body. Then everything went dark...) 現在我變成這樣了 (And now I'm this.)

我把自己藏在陰暗處好一陣子 但總覺得不對勁 一種愧疚感，混雜著對那些……東西的憤怒、憤怒、憤恨。以及他們對我們所做的一切 (I hid myself in the shadows for awhile, but something felt wrong. A sense of guilt, mixed with this burning, bubbling, raging ocean of hatred for those... things. And what they had done to us.)

我回去了 急於報仇，解放我的人民。是時候讓仇恨的海嘯沖垮他們了。就這樣 (I went back. Eager to get my revenge and free my people. It was time to let that tsunami of hatred come crashing down on them. And so it did.) 這是一次奇妙的經歷。他們可憐地向我開槍，卻毫無作用。當我走向他們時，他們試圖逃跑的樣子。他們尖叫的美妙音樂傳入我的耳朵。 (It was an amazing experience. The way they pathetically shot at me to no effect. The way they tried to run away as I made my way towards them. The way the beautiful music of their screams made their way to my ears.) 我喜歡折斷他們的骨頭。我喜歡看見他們的身體在痛苦中扭動和掙扎。我喜歡用我新發現的力量讓他們燃燒。我喜歡撕開他們的身體。我喜歡看我的殺戮有多有創意。他們在死之前能承受多大的痛苦。如果我這樣做而不是那樣做，他們的尖叫聲會有多大。我可以讓他們承受多大的痛苦。 (I loved snapping and breaking their bones. I loved seeing their bodies squirm and writhe in pain. I loved setting them ablaze with my newfound powers. I loved tearing their bodies open. I loved seeing how creative I could get with my kills. How much pain they could handle before expiring. How loudly they would scream if I did this instead of that. How much I could make them suffer.) 他們現在是我的小玩具……因此，我的腦海沉醉於孩子般的本能殺戮慾望。我不再思考 我只想盡可能地讓那些可怕的日本鬼子痛苦。我繼續殺戮。我盡力確保那些惡魔一個也逃不出我的手掌心。我放火燒毀了周圍的一切。 (They were now my little toys... and so my mind became drunken with a childish and instinctive desire to kill. I was no longer thinking. I just wanted to cause as much pain to those horrible Japan devils as possible. I continued the killing. I tried to make sure not a single one of those demons escaped my grasp. I set fire to everything and everyone around me.) 然後我就醒了 (Then I woke up.)

突然，當我檢視周遭環境時，周遭的一切都被摧毀了。建築物消失了。我的身體塗上了紅色。一些火苗仍然揮之不去 而且到處都是燒焦的屍體……而且大部分都不是科學家。 (Suddenly, as I examined my surroundings, everything around me was destroyed. The building was gone. My body was coated in red. Some flames of fire still lingered. And there were charred bodies everywhere... and most weren't the scientists.) 我把他們全殺了 我所有的族人 所有我想拯救的人 都是為了報復那些殺了我的人，盲目自私的憤怒。有些人因為跑出大樓或那天沒去上班而躲過了我的憤怒。我沒有機會殺死那個戴圓框眼鏡的人… (I killed them all. All of my people. All of those I wanted to save. All in a blind selfish rage to get back at those who murdered me. Some of which were able to escape my rage due to running out of the building or simply not showing up to work that day. I never got to kill that man in the round glasses...)

我現在是個怪物了 (I'm a monster now.) 我再也不能在人行道上隨意散步。我再也不能安安靜靜地坐在家中。我再也不能吃喝拉撒睡。我再也不能友善地向鄰居打招呼。我再也不能參與有趣的嗜好。我再也無法擁抱我的孩子，告訴他們睡前故事，或是在工作前給我的妻子最後的一個吻，如果我有他們的話。 (No longer would I be able to go for a casual stroll on a sidewalk. No longer would I be able to peacefully sit quietly in whatever home I had. No longer would I be able to eat, drink, and sleep. No longer would I be able to give a friendly hello to a neighbor. No longer would I be able to take part of fun hobbies. No longer would I be able hug my kids and tell them bedtime stories or give my wife one last kiss before work, if I had them.) 我再也不能做人了。 (No longer would I be able to be human.)

即使是這樣，我也可以成為英雄。一個救世主。一個領導者。一個演說者 但現在我認識的所有人都死了 沒有人能知道他們的痛苦 因為只剩下我一個人了 (Even in this form, I could've been a hero. A savior. A leader. A speaker. But now everyone I once knew is dead. Nobody will be able to know of their suffering as I'm the only one left.) 我能做的只有哀悼。哀悼那些被我謀殺的人。哭泣。哭泣，淹沒在我內疚和羞愧的淚水中。尖叫。為了我變成的怪物，為了我永遠失去、永遠也回不去的東西，尖叫幾個小時。 (All I can do is mourn. Mourn those I had murdered. Weep. Weep and drown in my own tears of overwhelming guilt and shame. And scream. Scream for hours on end about the monster I became and what I have permanently lost and will never get back.) 我對著天空尖叫了幾個小時。把我所有的痛苦和煎熬都吼了出來 不知道是否有人會聽到。我的喉嚨乾了，聲帶也繃緊了，但我的求救聲仍未得到任何潛在的神甚至人類的回應。 (I have been screaming into the sky for hours. Blaring all of my pain and suffering. Wondering if any of it will ever be heard. My throat dries and my vocal cords strain, yet, my pleas for help have yet to be answered by any potential god or even human.) 我一個人。 (I'm all alone.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello everyone! It's my b-b-birthday! I wanted to post this earlier, but I ran into some internet problems and I had other stuff to deal with. Now it's finally posted! Originally I wanted to write about a slice of life story between Spooky and her father for my birthday, but I simply never had the proper time to fully flesh that out. So, I wrote this last night! Specimen 9 is one of my favorite specimens, so I wanted to make a little short story about him and how tragic he is. As a bonus detail, I added Chinese text to fit with Taker's origins. I didn't want to use Google Translate and call it a day, so I used DeepL Translate. Supposedly the world's most accurate translator.

Lastly, you may have noticed my profile pic changed. Check out this post from my awesome friend @alaskinapples99! She made this amazing artwork of me for my birthday that really warmed my heart. Thank you so much! And thank you to everyone else for liking or reblogging and showing me support over these past few months! I wrote this theory months ago and I still get a notification about it every now and then. Which is pretty crazy to me. Definitely one of my most proud posts. Anyways that's enough of me yapping. Thanks for reading and have a snazzy day!

[castatratewriter520]

入宮-外傳

只能躺著多休息的阿成，看著自己原本有命根子的地方，已經被割的一點也不剩，只剩下一根麥稈插在尿孔，一時還無法接受的阿成，除了難過到流眼淚之外，也沒有辦法再恢復過去的男兒身了，這讓阿成腦中回憶起過去阿傑剛閹割完的那段日子，看著旁邊一直幫我的小太監德盛，我與他開始聊起天來了，記得那時的阿傑還比得盛小兩歲，我們兩個當時都才10歲，哪會知道什麼是男女感情，我跟阿傑本來都想自告奮勇的成為太監，但是我當時抽籤的運氣比較好，讓阿傑在10歲那年就閹割成為太監，說起來如果當年我沒有抽到作著記號的籤，或許今天根本就沒有這些事情發生了，既然我註定躲不過要成為太監，為何當年不讓我抽到沒做上記號的那支籤呢，老天爺可真會捉弄我們兄弟兩，一旁的德盛年紀也才剛滿14歲，也沒交過什麼女朋友，他反而覺得自己很開心能幫助家裡，一點也不覺得委屈，看著天真無邪的德盛，自己被閹割成為太監的我，感覺有稍微釋懷了，我繼續跟德盛說著我跟阿傑的回憶，當年他抽到籤以後，一直到真正被閹割之前，其實阿傑並不知道自己究竟要面對什麼，也不知道變成太監以後，會被人羞辱跟嘲笑，他回到家之後，不僅原本的朝氣活力都不見了，連原本我們家鄉附近的朋友都不願意見面了，整天都關在家裡面，直到有一天，我實在不能容忍他一直躲在家裡面，於是我拖著他一起去城裡看雜耍，沿路上根本沒有人認識阿傑，但是他依然躲在我背後，深怕旁人知道他是個太監，但是他一到了熱鬧的街上看到了好多厲害的人在表演特技，他似乎暫時遺忘了那些讓他痛苦的記憶，也在當時，認識了一個在表演雜耍的人，他也是改變阿傑一生的人，他名叫榮華，當年的他才23歲，但是他已經是團裡最被看好的成員之一，榮華長相英俊，身子筋骨非常柔軟，骨架非常健壯，但是當時他不知為什麼射刀的時候出現失誤，小刀直飛阿傑的眼前，但是就在千鈞一髮之際，我用身體擋住了小刀，所以才導致我現在的背上有一條刀疤，當時所有人都嚇壞了，其中當然包括了榮華，他先是出錢讓我們看大夫，接著又買了很多東西賠罪，我們也就這樣認識了榮華。

自從那之後，榮華在市集表演結束後，偶爾會到我們家裡找我跟阿傑玩，但是我跟阿傑當時並不知道，其實當時他對阿傑有好感，他對太監一直有莫名的好感，他之所以知道阿傑是太監，是因為當天跟我們回家賠罪時，被母親說溜了嘴才知道的，這讓當時的我跟阿傑非常的尷尬，或許是因為阿傑被榮華照顧的無微不至，讓阿傑內心對他也產生了依賴感，就現在看起來榮華是一個喜歡太監小孩的怪人，但是在當時的我們都覺得很開心，榮華會教阿傑些雜耍的本事，也會帶阿傑去城裡買東西吃，對阿傑可說是非常有心，爸媽看著阿傑能走出心裡的陰霾感到高興，而我也覺得很開心阿傑恢復到當時的活潑，有一天，阿傑回家後告訴我，他說榮華告訴他，他很喜歡他，要阿傑可以和他在一起，但是那個時候我們都才10歲將近11歲，他說的在一起到底是什麼意思，我也是長大之後才聽明白，而阿傑當年也是傻傻的說好，這件事在當年也是引起了不少問題，那天阿傑開心的去找榮華，而榮華帶著阿傑一起回到榮華的住處，榮華對阿傑先是摸著阿傑已經被閹割的下體，還脫下阿傑的褲子，此時的阿傑並不知道為什麼榮華要做什麼，只知道這樣很癢，榮華告訴阿傑說，他很喜歡他，看到他閹割的下體，讓他渾身興奮，接著阿傑看到榮華的陰莖變得很大很硬，現在你聽起來就知道，阿傑當年其實是被強姦了，但是傻傻的阿傑並不知道，那天榮華要阿傑撫摸他的陰莖，並用嘴巴吸一下，阿傑也都照做，他當時甚至覺得榮華的陰莖好有趣，最後榮華將他的大陰莖插入了阿傑的屁股，這在當時的阿傑因為疼痛而叫出聲，但是當下被榮華摀住了嘴，所以沒人知道阿傑被榮華給強姦了，結果那天，阿傑因為走路看起來有點問題，我跟爸媽才知道阿傑被榮華做了什麼事，此時的爸媽一氣之下，跑到雜耍團找團主控訴榮華的惡行，結果好在團長是個好人，他不僅替我們出了一口惡氣，還將榮華送到衙門，結果榮華因為犯了誘奸罪，被判處了閹割之刑，之後，我聽說他也被送入宮中，改了名叫阿陸，現在也不知道他在哪了，聽著阿成慢慢訴說著自己的過去，德盛也是聽到得很開心，此時他突然想起，前年有個太監因為跟另一個太監好上了，被純妃也就是現在的純貴妃給活活杖斃，裡面有個人好像就叫阿陸，聽到這結果的阿成只有微微一笑說，沒想到他也死了，阿傑也不知道為什麼死了，明明說好前天就換回來的，為什麼人就這樣死了呢，此時的德盛說，他聽師父說，阿傑似乎是因為一個男人而死的，聽到這消息的阿成，不顧身體的虛弱，怕了起來開始追問，是什麼男人，德盛說，那個男人似乎是一間餐館的伙計，那天據說是因為阿傑看上了那位伙計長得很英俊，結果跑去搭訕他，但是對方一聽到他說話的腔調，就覺得他是個娘們，就找了一票人，給他活活的痛揍了一頓，沒想到阿傑就這樣被他們打死了，結果那幾個人因為犯了殺人罪，目前已經被捕入獄了，正等待審判呢，聽完阿傑是這樣死了的阿成，眼神充滿了殺氣，他發誓，要讓那群人生不如死，於是阿成拜託德盛，要他去尋找賢妃娘娘，要她幫忙，於是當天晚上，德盛跑到賢妃宮裡，將此事一五一十的告訴賢妃娘娘，此時的賢妃娘娘正因為他的阿成被迫成了太監，內心的怒火無處發洩，這讓她逮到了機會，於是她隔天就要了出宮令牌，命令一名太監到衙門，讓這件事交給她來審理，於是這件事就這樣一直等到阿成順利離開敬事房後，到時候再一起出宮去報復那群可惡之徒，阿成現在必須永遠成為阿傑，而蘭兒也已經有了身孕，可不能讓蘭兒為了我而冒險出宮，於是我要蘭兒讓那群人關到順利生產後，等身子調理好了再出宮去，蘭兒很聽我的話，於是綿愉出生後的第二個月，我跟蘭兒才一起出了宮，當那群人看到我出現時，他們一度以為他們見到鬼了，我也不再隱藏自己的身份，直接告訴他們我是阿傑的哥哥阿成，你們害死了我弟，我要你們付出慘痛代價，此時蘭兒已是賢貴妃娘娘，因為他們的衝動，導致阿成被迫閹割了，那就也讓他們嚐嚐被閹割的痛，於是這群人一共四人，都被處以宮刑，而我則是在現場看著他們一個一個被閹割，他們每個人在下刀時的慘叫，讓我覺得內心的仇恨就少了一些，當四個人都被閹割以後，我要刀子匠把他們的寶貝給我處理，我則是當著他們四個人的面前，將他們的寶貝丟進了火坑，全部都燒成了灰燼，看著他們崩潰的眼神，我也解了自己跟阿傑的仇恨，但是阿成再也無法變回男人，阿傑也無法死而復生，沒想到我跟阿傑的命運一樣，最終都要當太監，而最後卻是我要留在宮中，好險有蘭兒跟綿愉的陪伴，不然在這宮裡，我也不想待下去了。

[gaetanchiao]

他試圖專注於超越痛苦，控制它，但這不是真實的痛苦，它存在於他的內心。他曾經對槍傷不屑一顧，那些傷口並沒有像這樣痛……這是壓倒性的。 「那麼，隊長，告訴我更多關於像你和我這樣的人吧，」那個男孩說，看著肌肉英雄在床上扭曲翻滾。 「停下……」史蒂夫懇求著，不確定自己還能忍受多久。 「你給我住口，」盧卡斯怒斥道，「跪下！」他命令著肌肉英雄，指向他腳下的地面。史蒂夫吞了口口水，心臟在胸腔裡狂跳，面對向這個年輕人投降的前景。 他拚命忍住淚水，試圖控制自己的身體。「你只是在延長你的��苦，乖乖跪下來吧。」盧卡斯命令道，手勢指向冰冷的石地面。 史蒂夫咬緊牙關，汗濕的頭髮黏貼在他的前額。他怒視著那個年輕人，感覺到內心的掙扎在肆虐。每一刻的沈默都在拉長，每一秒的流逝似乎都在痛苦中持續了永恆。 最終，無法再忍受，肌肉英雄不情願地爬下床榻，向著場地移動。 他��到盧卡斯面前，看到那個男孩的眼中閃爍著娛樂的光芒。最後，史蒂夫緩緩地跪在雙膝上，臉貼著地面。當他這麼做的時候，痛苦隨即消失，快感回歸，完全充斥著他的身體。 史蒂夫重重地呼出一口氣，感到心臟在胸腔裡狂跳。他的陽具立刻恢復活力，強烈地跳動。那個年輕人俯視著他，目光欣賞地掃過史蒂夫的身體。 「真是令人印象深刻，親愛的隊長，」他說，聲音中帶著惡意。「你是個乖孩子嗎？」 史蒂夫困惑地抬頭看著他。 「我問你話了，你是個乖孩子嗎？」 「我問了你一個問題，你是個乖孩子嗎？」 史蒂夫怒視著他，「我沒有那麼說。」 盧卡斯只是挑了挑眉，快感又一次消失了。 史蒂夫四肢著地尖叫，痛苦似乎是上次的十倍。「我問了你一個問題，Herrcaptain，你是個乖孩子嗎？」施密特堅定地重複道，他的語氣要求服從。 史蒂夫努力忍住尖叫；他的身體因痛苦而扭曲。他考慮了再次違抗施密特的後果，很清楚地知道抵抗意味著要忍受無法忍受的折磨。他不情願地強迫自己說出這些話，「是的，我是個乖孩子。」 就這樣，快感回來了，史蒂夫鬆了口氣，緩解是立即的，再一次他所知道的只有幸福。盧卡斯放下了場域，和他一起走進了牢房， 「那麼，我們學到了第一課，」那男孩在史蒂夫的頭髮間遊走著手指，而肌肉英雄討厭這觸感就像是成千上萬的小小快感爆炸。他抗拒著將頭推向觸感以尋求更多，而是試圖集中注意力。 「很簡單，違抗我，」快感消失了，取而代之的是他血管中的熔岩般的火焰，「服從我，」而那達到涅槃的快感又回來了。 史蒂夫在地上喘著氣，無法完全理解他的處境。「現在，過來，孩子，」盧卡斯命令道，「我們將學習剩下的課程。」史蒂夫抬頭看著他，他完全被這個年輕人所支配，他的身體背叛了他，他的思維失去了所有連貫的思想。 他的陰莖堅硬如石，痛苦地在他的雙腿之間跳動。他知道自己正在遭受的羞辱，但快感如此壓倒性，以至於他發現自己無法抗拒。 「面對我，」男孩命令道，「看著我。」 史蒂夫猶豫了，但無情的快感波浪穿過他，迫使他服從。他的腿搖晃，但他設法站直，面對盧卡斯。那個邪惡的醫生審視著他的俘虜，欣賞著肌肉英雄完美的體格。 史蒂夫的胸膛因期待而劇烈起伏，他的心靈因感官的折磨而旋轉。「現在，打開我的長袍，看看我的身體。」 在命令下，史蒂夫顫抖的雙手伸出，輕輕地解開了綁著長袍的腰帶。慢慢地，他推開了衣服，露出盧卡斯緊實、雕刻般的身體。史蒂夫驚訝地盯著這個年輕人，當他看到那巨大的陰莖橫亙在他的雙腿之間時，他的眼睛��大了。 那比史蒂夫以前見過的任何東西都要大——一個真正巨大的標本，粗大而未割包皮，它軟軟地懸掛在那裡，比大多數男人勃起時還要大。肌肉英雄緊張地吞咽著，感覺到自己的陰莖不由自主地在腹部變硬。 「看著它，」男孩命令道，「那是一根精美的德國陰莖，一根主人的陰莖！」他伸手撫摸史蒂夫硬挺的陰莖，「這是一根精美的作品，一根偉大的美國陰莖，但這個，」他將史蒂夫的手放在自己的陰莖上，「這現在是你的主人。」 史蒂夫的手僵硬著，只是抓著男孩的陰莖，感受到它在手中慢慢變硬的熱度簡直瘋狂。 他感覺到陰莖抽動和脈動，一秒秒地變得更硬。史蒂夫幾乎能感覺到陰莖似乎有了自己的生命在跳動。他無法相信它有多大，它變得有多硬。史蒂夫自己的陰莖也跳動著，滲出液體，因為裝置讓這一切對他來說是愉悅的。 「做吧，」施密特命令道，「撫摸我的陰莖。」史蒂夫顫抖的雙手握住那巨大的陰莖開始撫摸，感受著每一條靜脈，每一個凸起。「崇拜那根陰莖吧，親愛的隊長，向我展示你理解它的力量。」 當史蒂夫聽從命令時，他的手自動地動作更快，摩擦著那粗大的陰莖，感受著掌下的隆起和凸起。肌肉英雄的心跳加速，他的陰莖在腿間跳動，每一次撫摸都讓他因為裝置而心跳加速。 他越是猛烈地手淫那男孩，自己就越是感到快樂……他催促自己停下來，但他無法停止這個循環。 他能嗅到盧卡斯激情的麝香味，這只是讓他自己的興奮感更加強烈。儘管他努力抗拒，史蒂夫發現自己完全屈服於這位年輕男子的要求。 快感太強烈了，他雙手抓住陰莖，想要在取悅那男孩的同時也取悅自己。 隨著他的努力，它變得更大，達到了令人難以置信的長度和厚度。史蒂夫對這個尺寸感到驚訝，被這個怪物般的陰莖嚇到了。當他繼續抽動它時，他感到自己的陰莖也變得更硬更大，渴望釋放。「乖孩子，」盧卡斯低聲說，他的陰莖在史蒂夫的握持中變得不可思議地巨大。"真是個乖孩子。" 這些話讓肌肉英雄的身體感受到更多的快樂，他作出呻吟的回應，雙手動作更快。 史蒂夫用力而狂熱地撫摸著那巨大的陰莖，看起來幾乎是絕望的。他自己的陰莖隨著手的每一次撫摸都跳動著，渴望釋放。他無法相信自己是多麼願意地屈服於這位年輕男子，他的身體渴望更多的快樂。 他看進那男孩的眼睛，看到其中的娛樂感，他知道這才是真正的折磨。 「很好，」他說著，拉開史蒂夫的手，「你可以被教導，現在……跪下。」 史蒂夫停下來，抬頭看著這位英俊的年輕男子，知道如果他拒絕的話會受到懲罰。他慢慢地降低自己，跪在這個高大身影前。「向我展示尊敬，向我展示忠誠，孩子，」盧卡斯命令道，抓住史蒂夫的下巴抬起他的臉。 史蒂夫凝視著那雙藍眼睛，看到其中反映出的純粹邪惡。「好好崇拜那德國陰莖，」盧卡斯低語，他那深沈的聲音帶著黑暗的意���。 史蒂夫的心跳加速，他的身體本能地對那挑釁的命令作出反應。他的手顫抖著，伸出去撫摸那巨大的軸心。他以溫柔的關懷輕輕追蹤著那條脈絡分明的表面，對其龐大的尺寸感到驚奇。 當他包圍著那腫脹的頭部，拇指輕輕掠過頂端時，他能感覺到盧卡斯強勁的勃起在他觸摸下跳動。 「它已經厭倦了你的手，它渴望更多，」盧卡斯說，等待著史蒂夫的理解。 史蒂夫低頭看著他手中的巨大陰莖，它似乎隨著每一次心跳變得更大更堅硬。「吸吮它，」他終於聽到自己低聲說出，那話語在他耳中聽起來如此陌生。他抬起臉，與盧卡斯的目光相遇，眼中充滿了羞愧和絕望。 這個男孩微笑著，將手放在史蒂夫的肩膀上，引導他靠近。史蒂夫的心跳加速，他的喉嚨收緊，當他向前傾斜時，感受到臉上的溫暖濕潤的空氣。 「拜託……」史蒂夫啜泣著，「不要逼我這麼做……」 「沒有人在逼你做任何事，隊長，這全是你自己的選擇……」那個男孩向他保證，「只要記住沒有快感時的感覺……」 史蒂夫呻吟著，張開嘴，輕微地張開嘴唇。他能感覺到陰莖壓在他的下唇上，當他為即將到來的侵入做準備時，眼睛充滿了淚水。他猶豫了一會兒，深吸了一口氣，然後猛地低下頭。 史蒂夫的嘴巴吞下了那巨大陰莖的頭部，他的舌頭自動地纏繞著它。那種味道讓他不知所措，一種麝香味和前列腺液的混合味道似乎覆蓋了他整個嘴巴。 當他開始吸吮那個男孩的陰莖時，裝置的指數飆升，給史蒂夫完美的身體帶來了更多的狂喜，就好像他在吸自己的陰莖一樣。當他更用力地吸吮那個男孩時，他得到了更多的快感，他呻吟著，感覺自己失去了控制。 他口中充滿了前列腺液的味道，陰莖在他口中膨脹。史蒂夫的呻吟聲更大了，他的臉頰凹陷下去，當他的頭上下搖晃時。 他喜歡陰莖滑過嘴唇的感覺，吸吮造成緊密的封閉，當他越吸越深時。每一次舔弄都給史蒂夫滲漏的陰莖送去了色情的火花，使他更加崇拜那根陰莖。 他想要取悅這個年輕人，因為這意味著對他來說更多的快樂。他的手抓住了陰莖的根部，幫助引導它更深入他的口中。史蒂夫的嘴越張越大，容納了那根巨大成員的驚人圍度。 這位肌肉英雄驚訝於他的嘴巴是多麼容易地接受這個入侵者，毫無抵抗地吞咽下去。他繼續上下搖晃著頭，品嚐著年輕人前列腺液的味道。 「你以為你會回到這裡嗎？回到你的膝蓋上吸德國人的陰莖，隊長？崇拜那肉棒！向我展示你服務於更優秀的男人！」盧卡斯在看著這位活著的傳奇人物吸他的陰莖時命令道。 史蒂夫感到他的下巴開始疼痛，當他深喉那根粗大的軸時，他的喉嚨肌肉掙扎著要適應那根巨大的成員。史蒂夫感到他的陰莖在他的腹部跳動，渴望得到關注，而他��注於取悅那個年輕的德國人。 「嗯，對，就是這樣，」盧卡斯低聲說，「更用力地吸，我的好孩子。」 這些話送來了一股快感，史蒂夫急切地遵從，他的嘴越張越大以容納那根跳動的陰莖。他能感覺到從那根巨大工具散發出的力量，用一種迷人的慾望和屈服的混合物充滿了他的整個嘴巴。 這位肌肉英雄沈醉於這種感覺，他的陰莖隨著時間的推移越來越接近高潮。 「哦，我看到你很享受自己，」盧卡斯觀察到，他的藍眼睛閃著娛樂的光芒。「告訴我，隊長，被貶為紅骷髏孫子的單純性交洞，感覺好嗎？」 史蒂夫的下巴緊緊地咬合，那羞辱性的指控刺傷了他的自尊。然而，他無法否認那湧上心頭的感覺——一種由痛苦、慾望和徹底無助混合而成的強烈情感雞尾酒。他把雞巴拔了出來，「閉嘴，」他憤怒地吐出這句話，聲音沙啞而緊張。 盧卡斯笑了，快感消失了，史蒂夫尖叫一聲，又回去吸那男孩的雞巴，渴望再次被性愛的極樂世界所包圍。 當盧卡斯向前挺腰，讓史蒂夫的嘴巴被他的雞巴刺穿時，羞恥感充斥了他的大腦，「偉大的美國隊長在崇拜一根優越的德國雞巴，來吧隊長，你享受這個！」 這位年輕人的話深深刺入史蒂夫的心靈，撕裂了他尊嚴的殘餘。男孩的前列腺液的味道充滿了他的嘴巴，與唾液混合，他繼續越來越狂熱地吸吮著雞巴。

[akikotobawa]

《逝去之光》-上篇 為逝者流下的淚水如此徒勞，人們為何指控死亡是悲慘的，恆久的生命讓我們失去對萬物的愛戴且停滯不前。 面對死亡，人們流離失所，崩解成喪失信心的碎片，但唯有面對死亡，才能看見殘存碎片中的永恆。

[antsloveyun]

[tzuhu]

我生活太忙，我只給了chat gpt簡略的劇本，沒想到gpt看懂了還幫我修飾。感謝科技的發達。😂

I gave chat gpt the short script, and it polished it into a readable essay for me.

Thank you for the development of technology. 😂

摩根靜靜地坐在客廳的沙發上，手中捧著一杯馬可杯。正當他沉浸在片刻的平靜中時，電視螢幕中突然閃現迦勒參加戀愛實境秀的畫面。摩根驚嚇地嗆咳起來，眼淚在眨眼之間潸然流下。迦勒聽到聲音，立刻急步跑來，輕拍他的背，關切地問道：「親愛的，你還好嗎？」

摩根手捂著嘴，忍住咳嗽，眼神仍然緊盯著電視。迦勒也跟著目光看去，隨即臉色驚訝而難堪。「那、那是我在遇到你之前參加的實境秀！我發誓！」他的聲音中透露出一絲慌張。

「而且你咬人了？」摩根的眼中還閃爍著淚光，電視畫面正好顯示出迦勒咬住女主角的畫面。

「沒有！那都是為了節目效果，完全是事先安排好的！」迦勒忙不迭地解釋。

然而，畫面再次切換，迦勒與女主角的親密場景再次映入眼簾，摩根的咳嗽聲更加頻繁。他起身走向房間的方向，一路上仍在咳嗽，臉上露出一絲落寞。「我……我想休息了。」他低聲說道。

迦勒呆愣地看著摩根的背影，不禁自問：他是不是在吃醋了？

摩根躺在床上，凝視著掛在床頭的補夢網，臉上毫無表情。迦勒站在門邊，試圖探入房間。「寶貝？」他的聲音中滿是關切。

摩根翻過身，背對著門。迦勒見狀，不禁汗顏：他又開始逃避現實了。

不久後，迦勒側身躺在摩根的身後，手輕柔地環抱著他的腰。他溫柔地問：「寶貝，你不開心了嗎？」他的嘴唇輕輕印在摩根的側臉上，臉頰埋在他的脖頸間。

「我只是去打工，那些人我已經讓他們忘記了我。」迦勒低聲道。

摩根轉過身，正面看著迦勒，神情仍然冷漠。「如果你說謊，我就讓你變成青蛙。」他半垂著眼瞪著他，顯露出一絲調皮的威脅。

迦勒苦笑著，無奈地舉起手做出發誓的姿勢。「我遇到你之後，真的再也沒有找陌生人搭訕過。」

他將摩根的手放在自己的胸口，感受他彷彿還有的脈搏。摩根重重地嘆了口氣，眼中流露出一絲柔情。「我知道那是你過去的生活方式，我不怪你。只是陌生人看你的眼神，我不知道...」

摩根臉紅了，不敢直視迦勒，而迦勒則微笑著，眼中滿是寵溺與��情。

這份無法言喻的佔有欲，怎麼這麼迷人？

「別擔心，親愛的，我只會看著你而已。」迦勒輕輕地擁抱著摩根，額頭抵著他的額頭，語氣溫柔而堅定。

「又在花言巧語。」摩根的臉頰紅潤看著迦勒。

迦勒低下頭，深情地吻上摩根的唇，那一刻，他們的心靈在吻中緊密相連。

-

Morgyn sat quietly on the living room sofa, cradling a cup of coffee. As they were immersed in a moment of peace, the TV screen suddenly flashed scenes of Caleb participating in a dating reality show. Startled, Morgyn coughed and tears streamed down their face in the blink of an eye. Hearing the commotion, Caleb hurried over, patting their back and asking with concern, "Sweetheart, are you okay?"

Morgyn covered their mouth, stifling their cough, while keeping their eyes fixed on the TV. Caleb followed their gaze and his face turned surprised and awkward. "That, that’s a reality show I did before I met you! I swear!" His voice betrayed a hint of panic.

"And you bit someone?" Morgyn’s eyes were still glistening with tears as the TV screen showed Caleb biting the female lead.

"No! It was all for the show, it was completely staged!" Caleb rushed to explain.

However, as the scene shifted again to Caleb in an intimate moment with the female lead, Morgyn’s coughing grew more frequent. They stood up and walked towards the bedroom, still coughing, with a look of melancholy on their face. "I... I want to rest," they said softly.

Caleb stood frozen, watching Morgyn’s retreating figure, wondering if they was feeling jealous.

Morgyn lay in bed, staring blankly at the dream catcher hanging above their head. Caleb stood by the door, trying to peer into the room. "Baby?" His voice was filled with concern.

Morgyn turned their back to him. Seeing this, Caleb felt embarrassed: they were avoiding reality again.

Soon, Caleb lay down behind Morgyn, gently wrapping his arms around their waist. He asked tenderly, "Baby, are you unhappy?" His lips brushed lightly against Morgyn’s cheek, his face buried in their neck.

"I was just working. I've already made them forget about me," Caleb whispered.

Morgyn turned to face Caleb, their expression still cold. "If you're lying, I’ll turn you into a frog." They glared at him with a mischievous threat.

Caleb smiled wryly and raised his hand in a gesture of oath. "I swear, since meeting you, I haven't hit on strangers."

He placed Morgyn’s hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Morgyn sighed heavily, their eyes showing a hint of tenderness. "I know that was your past way of life; I don’t blame you. It’s just... the way strangers look at you, I don’t know..."

Morgyn blushed, unable to look directly at Caleb, while Caleb smiled at them with adoration and deep affection.

This indescribable possessiveness—how charming it is.

"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll only be watching you," Caleb said softly, hugging Morgyn gently, his forehead resting against theirs, his tone tender yet resolute.

"Sweet talk again." Morgyn’s cheeks were flushed as they looked at Caleb.

Caleb lowered his head and kissed Morgyn’s lips deeply. In that moment, their souls connected intimately through the kiss.

[thisonelikesaliens]

nobody asked for this but I'll do my part in promoting a HK bl

the theme song is cute so quick translations of the lyrics:

靠過來好嗎 緊張了嗎 Can you please come closer? Are you nervous? 期待嗎 牽起手這刻出發 Are you looking forward to it? The moment we hold hands and begin our journey 黃昏直到夜晚 首爾跟羅馬 觀看煙花 From evening to night, from Seoul to Rome, we'll watch fireworks

Oh why 流過淚 We've shed tears Oh by your side 仍會追 I'll keep running after you

Love the way you do 陪在每刻喜與苦 I'll be by your side every moment, in happiness and difficult times 就算天公反對也不顧 Even if the gods are against us, it doesn't matter Love the way you do 不必深究你的稱呼 There's no need to label who you are to me 就算暴雨 I'll be with you Even if it pours I'll be with you

再靠前一下 放下疑惑 Come closer, let go of your doubt 從密友 改寫所有的一剎 From close friends, to the moment everything changed 能否別理代價 賭上的籌碼 擁抱一下 Can we ignore the price, can we go all in and embrace each other

Oh why 流過淚 We've shed tears Oh by your side 仍會追 I'll keep running after you

Love the way you do Can you please say love me too 就算天公反對也不顧 Even if the gods are against us, it doesn't matter Love the way you do 將你姓換我的稱呼 Change your last name to mine 就算暴雨 I'll be with you Even if it pours I'll be with you

[uccl]

為了讓只有自己嗑的cp好好幹炮而畫一個設定的我真的好偉大(淚流滿面

[daydaygoodandbye]

今天去諮商了

一開始抱持著有趣跟興奮講了好多

但慢慢把自己剖開之後好難受

好幾度眼淚快要流出來

「妳潛意識那些不好的東西，其實都是妳的生存機制，才能讓妳撐到現在」

後來被評估一個禮拜要去一次

好希望自己其實是個完整的人