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coffintownkids · 4 years ago

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Alrighty! Ch. 32 is done and such brings an end to the 朝露 arc. I’m sure y’all remember the cute scene in The Untamed/CQL when WWX comes across a group of kids playing make-believe about the Sunshot Campaign. This is the chapter where that takes place. However, as previously mentioned, we’ve actually never met pretty much any of the characters involved first-hand. So this is again slowly filling the readers in about how the world perceives all these characters.

I couldn’t decide what part I liked best...So you get the entire scene! Very long post beneath the cut.

*EDITED* @weishenmewwx was nice enough to help me fix a couple of errors. Thank You!!!

The group of children stopped chasing it, then gathered together to start seriously wracking their brains over it, “What do we do since no one shot down the Sun? It fell by itself, so who’s the Leader now?”

One of them raised a hand, “It’s obviously me! I’m Jīn Guāngyáo and I killed the greatest villain from the House of Wēn!”

Wèi Wúxiàn sat on the inn’s front steps and watched on with great pleasure.

In games like this, there was boundless high regard for the Chief Cultivator Liǎnfang-Zūn. Of course, everyone would welcome playing that role the most. Although his background made people too embarrassed to speak of it, it was precisely because of it that him climbing to the highest position made people gasp even more in admiration of his achievements. During the Sunshot Campaign, he had acted as a spy for a number of years and had been a natural at it. He had run around in circles deceiving the entire Wēn Sect of Qíshān both inside and out, having them divulge countless secrets without even realizing it. After the Sunshot Campaign, he was fawned over in every possible way with terrific amounts of cleverness and an extreme variety of methods. Finally, he took the position of Chief Cultivator and became the person fully deserving of ranking first among the multitude of cultivation Houses. Such a life can be called legendary. If was playing, he would also want to try out for the part of Jīn Guāngyáo. Picking this little boy to be the Leader was just common sense!

So JGY is super well-liked by everyone, or so we’re led to believe at this point in the story. It’s mentioned in the novel very early on that he is JGS’s bastard, but it’s definitely pretty much glossed over and this certainly makes it sound like nobody cared about his “embarrassing” history. (We will come to learn this is, in fact, bullshit.) BUT, WWX does seem to think quite well of him.

Fun language bit about the “fawned over in every possible way with terrific amounts of cleverness and an extreme variety of methods.” The sentence uses 百般, 千般, 万般 to show the increase of how much praise got heaped upon him as 百=100, 千=1,000, and 万=10,000.

My other takeaway, which I think the show did a pretty bad job at conveying, was the passage of time and that JGY was actually with the Wēn Sect for years.

Moving on.

Another one of them protested, “I’m Niè Míngjué and I’ve won the most battles and have had the most captives surrender to me. I should be the Leader!”

‘Jīn Guāngyáo’ said, “But I’m the Chief Cultivator.”

‘Niè Míngjué’ raised his fist, “So what if you’re Chief Cultivator. You’re also my sān-dì, so you won’t see me running off with my tail between my legs.”

As expected, ‘Jīn Guāngyáo’ was rather well-suited at getting into character. He hunched his shoulders and ran away.

Sān-dì (三弟) just means third brother. AKA JGY was the youngest within 3zun.

Then another kid said, “You’re the one that died young.”

Since he had chosen to be a certain cultivation head, he naturally had been looking forward to being said cultivation head a little bit. ‘Niè Míngjué’ got mad, “Jīn Zixuān, you died earlier than I did. You had an even shorter life!”

‘Jīn Zixuān’ was unconvinced, “So what if I died younger? I was ranked Number Three!”

“Being ranked Number Three just means your looks were ranked Number Three!”

At that point, one of the little boys seemed tired of both running and standing, so he slowly walked over by the steps and sat down by Wèi Wúxiàn. He waved his hand like he was some sort of mediator and said, “Alright already, there’s no need to fight about it. I’m the Yílíng Lǎozǔ, so I’m the most awesome.”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “……”

He glanced down and, sure enough, the little kid was carrying a little branch at his waist that was probably meant to be Chénqíng.

There was actually a child pure enough to not bother arguing about good and evil. He was only debating the value of combat abilities and had willing taken up the honor of being the Yílíng Lǎozǔ.

Another kid said, “No way. I’m the Sāndú Shèngshǒu and I’m the most awesome.”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ rather understandingly said, “Jiāng Chéng! What can you do that’s better than me? When haven’t you lost to me? How is it a good idea for you to say you’re the most awesome? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

‘Jiāng Chéng’ said, “Hmph! How am I better than you? Do you remember how you died?”

Wèi Wúxiàn’s faint smile got wiped right off his face once his meaning sunk in.

It was like being jabbed with a highly poisonous needle without warning and it sent faint prickling pain throughout his entire body.

Oof. That is a lot.

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ next to him clapped, “Look at me! On my left is Chénqíng, on my right is the Tiger Seal. Plus I have the Ghost General. There are none beneath Heaven that are my equal! Hahahaha…” He had a stick in his left hand, a stone in his right, and was laughing hysterically, “Wēn Níng, come out!” A kid in the back of the crowd raised his hand and weakly said, “I’m here…that’s…I want to say…during the Sunshot Campaign, I didn’t die, either...”

Wèi Wúxiàn felt that he couldn’t not interrupt.

He said, “Fellow cultivators, can I ask you a question?”

The children had never had an adult take part when they played this game before, let alone one that didn’t scold them and was completely serious about asking them a question. The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ was giving him a strange and guarded look as he said, “What do you want to ask?”

Wèi Wúxiàn said, “Why don’t you have any people from the Lán Sect of Gūsū?”

“We do!”

“Where are they?”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ pointed at a kid that hadn’t opened his mouth to say a single word from the start, “That’s him.”

Wèi Wúxiàn looked at him and, sure enough, he was completely fine-featured and looked like a charming child. He had a clean, white string wrapped around his forehead to serve as his head ribbon. He asked, “Who is he?”

The ‘Yílíng Lǎozǔ’ disdainfully curled his lip and said, “Lán Wàngjī!”

…Great. This group of children grasped his essence. If you’re playing the part of Lán Wàngjī you really ought to shut up and not talk!

Then suddenly, the corners of Wèi Wúxiàn’s mouth began to curl again.

That little poisoned needle got pulled out and he didn’t know what cranny it got tossed into, but all the stinging pain had instantly been swept away. Wèi Wúxiàn said to himself, “It’s both wonderful and strange. He’s such a stuffy person. Why does he always make me feel so happy?”

*yelling* Why does he make you so happy, WWX? Any guesses?

I’ve seen this translated as “boring” instead of “stuffy” so I’ll explain a bit. The word used is 闷 (mèn) which can be read as boring, so that’s not wrong. But, it’s a little more nuanced than that. It can also mean something “sealed tight” or “suffocate” or “shut indoors.” Like how a hot room without circulation can be called “stuffy.” But in English, we can use stuffy to mean someone that’s kinda old-fashioned and very stuck on being prim and proper. Which certainly is someone people might consider “boring”! I just didn’t think “boring” alone really captured it though.

Of course, this is when LWJ finally emerges from his Fortress of Solitude (after needing time to get through his Gay Panic.)

When Lán Wàngjī came downstairs, he saw Wèi Wúxiàn sitting on the steps and sharing a steamed bun with a group of children. Wèi Wúxiàn was eating his bun while directing two children that were back-to-back in front of him. “……There are currently countless Wēn cultivators before. They’re all armed and they’ve got you completely surrounded. Keep your eyes sharp. Yes, just like that. OK. Lán Wàngjī, pay attention. This isn’t the current you during peacetime. You’re covered in blood! Your killing intent is so heavy! Your expression is so fierce! Wèi Wúxiàn, get a bit closer to him. Aren’t you going to twirl your flute? Let’s see you twirl it one-handed. Have pizzazz. Do you know what pizzazz is? Come let me teach you.” ‘Wèi Wúxiàn’ made an “oh” sound and handed over the thin stick he was carrying. Wèi Wúxiàn rather skillfully and swiftly twirled ‘Chénqíng’ around between two of his fingers, causing the group of kids to whoop with excitement.

Lán Wàngjī, “……”

He quietly walked over and Wèi Wúxiàn saw him coming, so he brushed off the dust from his backside and called out his goodbyes to the kids. It had been so easy to just stand up and walk along the road with a smile. It was oddly like being drugged.

Lán Wàngjī, “……”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “Hahahahahaha, I’m sorry, Hánguāng-Jūn. I ended up sharing the breakfast I bought for you with them. I’ll buy more for us in a moment.”

Lán Wàngjī, “Okay.”

Wèi Wúxiàn, “How about it? Weren’t those two kids just now cute? Who do you suspect the kid with the string around his head was imitating? Hahahaha…”

He was speechless for a moment, then Lán Wàngjī ultimately couldn’t help saying, “……What exactly did I do last night?”

It definitely couldn’t have been anything simple. Otherwise, why did it make Wèi Wúxiàn keep laughing???

Wèi Wúxiàn kept waving his hand, “No, no, no, no, no. You didn’t do anything. I was just being silly, hahahahahaha…Alright, ahem, Hánguāng-Jūn, I swear I’ll talk business.”

Lán Wàngjī said, “Go ahead.”

Apparently WWX missed his calling and should have gotten into theater!

And poor LWJ is still panicking.

So now they’re off to Shǔdōng and we’ll be starting the Yi City arc next.

#mdzs #ctk reads mdzs #mdzs translation #my translation

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smolfrogi · 4 years ago

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Love amongst the himbos

Chapter 2: Oh

TWs: extremely mild homophobia towards the end, micro aggression towards the Fire Nation, etc. Nothing too extreme

Here we gooo

"Zuko! How was school today?" Zuko's uncle always had a hopeful smile on his face.

"Good." Zuko sighed, fire lacing his breath. He hung up his backpack and sat at the table with him.

"Did you make any new friends?" Iroh asked, pouring a cup of tea.

"Yeah. Sokka, I think."

"He sounds wonderful."

"No yeah, he's great." Zuko looked up. "What happened to my mother?" Iroh clenched the teapot tightly. "How did the war even end? It seems like everything just stopped and the Fire Nation fell."

"She ran away, Zuko, and the Fire Nation fell apart when Azulon and Ozai died. You know that."

Zuko narrowed his eyes, well, eye. "What aren't you telling me?" Iroh set down the teapot. "Are you lying?" They both sat in silence for a moment.

".....yes," Iroh sighed. "I don't think you want to know."

"I knew it! I knew she wouldn't just leave me!" Zuko smiled subtly. "Of course I want to know. She left, I can't imagine why."

"You can't?"

"No."

"What happened the year before she vanished, Prince Zuko?"

"She ran away."

"And?"

"...And while she was gone, I got-" Zuko paused. "What does this have to do with anything?"

Iroh sighed. "You must figure it out yourself or be patient."

"I have a lot of homework." Zuko sighed. Iroh frowned, but didn't protest.

"Do what you must to succeed." Zuko nodded, closing the door of his room.

"Ursa....of..the..fire....nation.." Zuko muttered. "6 results? Are you kidding me?" Zuko slammed his head on his desk. He opened his laptop and found the assignment.

'What caused the Fire Nation to collapse? What scared off the residents?' Zuko stared at the screen. "This seems like it goes against several exposure laws."

Zuko's phone dinged.

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈 is typing...

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈: Hi

Zuko👁👄💥: Hi

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈 is typing...

Zuko's heart was in his throat. He wasn't sure what would happen. What if he'd already said the wrong thing? What if... What if he-

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈: I can't remember the english word for like-

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈: okay so when something isnt cold so it hurts??

Zuko👁👄💥: Hot? Burn?

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈: yeah thanks

oh, okay.

Sokka pov

Nice save, dumbass. Sokka thought.

"Ohhhh! $2, Aang!" Toph laughed.

"What!?" Sokka looked up at them from the floor.

"I bet her $2 you wouldn't chicken out of flirting with him." Aang sighed, passing two dollar bills to Toph. Sokka sighed.

"Guys, I've known him for a day." Sokka grumbled.

"True, but $2 is $2." Toph shrugged.

"Katara!" Sokka shouted. "Tell your boyfriend and your friend to get out of my room!"

"Wowwww." Aang mumbled as he dragged Toph out of the room.

Sokka sighed.

Sokka💙🏳️‍🌈: How's homework for you?

Zuko👁👄💥: what the fuck is math

Sokka: yikes

Sokka: you want some help?

Zuko: alright I guess

Zuko pov

Does this count as a date? I think it does? Is a study-date still a real date? Zuko thought about everything while he walked downtown. This area of the city was different. Then again, Zuko and Iroh lived above their tea shop. This area was more residential.

"Watch it scarboy!" Zuko swerved to avoid someone hitting his shoulder. Fuck you, stranger. He kept walking.

Zuko took out his found and stared at the address. Sokka's bitmoji thing popped up. Fucking snapchat. Now I have to say something.

Zuko: I'll be there in five minutes

sokka: k thanks

Zuko sighed. "Just breathe, you've got this." Just take a step and drop it, compliment her hair or- now is now the time for songs.

Zuko knocked on the door. Sokka answered almost immediately. "Hi!" He smiled. Zuko smiled back, it was like he couldn't help it. "Come on in!"

"Oh, he's- okay." Hakoda glanced around. Sokka practically growled.

"That's my dad, Hakoda. Let's go upstairs?" Sokka grabbed his wrist, not tightly enough for the bad type of panic, but still panic.

"Hey! Is that Zuko?" Katara asked as they walked past his room.

"Yup! This is my sister, Katara, and her friend, Toph. Oh, and her boyfriend, Aang."

"It's nice to meet you all." Zuko looked uncomfortable, so they took a few more steps into Sokka's room.

His bed was like a bunk bed with a couch instead of a bottom bunk. A TV sat on his dresser, which was across from the bed. Next to the dresser was a corner desk covered in papers and books.

"Alright, which question are you on?" Sokka interrupted his thoughts.

"1."

"Oof." Sokka beckoned him towards the desk. Zuko walked over. "Alright so the formula is y2-y1 over x2-x1."

"I thought it was x1-x2 over y1-y2."

"Well you were wrong." Sokka smiled. Zuko sighed. "So, the first y coordinate is at the y-intercept, which is at what point?"

"(0,6)."

"So it's the y coordinate of the other point- 7-6=1 so the numerator is 1! Ya got all that?"

"Yup, and I cant believe I'm struggling with 9th grade math."

"You're in your Junior year."

"Yeah. I'm just that bad." Zuko chuckled. Sokka explained more of the math and helped with science, Zuko finally got to help him with French.

"I speak like...." Zuko stopped and pulled out his hand, mumbling while he counted on his fingers. "English, French, Japanese, Russian, Italian, uhh I know a tiny bit of Khoisan. I'm still a beginner in Vietnamese, at least according to the placement test of duolingo."

"Wow...I only know English and Inuktiut! Plus one phrase in Irish." Sokka was in awe.

"What phrase? How come only one?"

"Buachaill maith. Good boy. I learned the phrase a while back, the manager of the store I work at was fluent."

"So do you want me to teach you all the swear words in every language I speak? I can also teach you how to call someone a dumb bitch in sign language."

"Please do."

So they spent 3 hours learning cuss words in their respective languages. They are 16 years old, what do you expect?

"I have to get going. It's gonna be time for dinner." Zuko sighed, suddenly unable to remake his smile from a moment ago.

"You could stay here for dinner?" Sokka pleaded.

"Thanks, but no. I didn't even tell my uncle where I was going. He's probably worried." Zuko sighed.

Sokka stood up and they walked out. Gran Gran was walking about the kitchen, in the middle of making dinner. Zuko was still thanking Sokka for the help. Gran Gran narrowed her eyes.

"Sokka, who is this?" She didn't even pretend to smile. Sokka glared at her.

"Zuko. He's my friend." Sokka answered.

"He's Fire Nation."

"What an astute observation." Sokka snarled, walking Zuko to the door. "Get home safe!"

"I will!" He responded. Zuko sighed in defeat, as soon as he left he could hear Sokka snapping. Of course people hate the Fire Nation. Why wouldn't they? Shootout to the non-bender nations for staying out of the war. They hardly had any territory yet they fought amongst themselves. Every nation had nonbenders, but the non-bender nations had no benders at all.

Zuko walked across the half-empty side walk. Thoughts were racing in his head. Why did it feel so amazing being around Sokka? Why was Sokka so defensive of him? Why did Sokka's room look like heaven? Is Sokka gay or bi? What's the difference between bread and cake? Am I gay?

Am I gay?

Zuko shook his head, trying to shake off the thought. "I'm straight, right? I'm straight." He sighed. His dad would kill him if he knew. He was completely sunken in thought when his phone started vibrating.

'Pick up your phone. Do it!' 'Do it or we'll kill you!' 'NO!' Zuko picked up his phone and swiped up, gulping at the thought of it. He hadn't heard that tone in years.

"Hello, brother."

Alright you'll get to finish the cliffhanger in about 2-3 weeks. I'm not a fast writer.

#atla #atla sokka #atla zuko #sokka x zuko #zukka #avatar: tla #prince zuko #avatar hc #avatar sokka #love amongst the himbos #avatar #avatar zukka #atla fic #zukka fic #zuko/sokka

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vampire-named-gampire · 4 years ago

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Carry On Countdown - Day 22

Wow, watch me use the @carryon-countdown to plug my skating fic lmao

I don’t know if this counts, since Angelina is an OC and actually, Baz would totally make friends with/practically adopt a 17yo Russian girl, so I don’t know how unlikely it is, but it’s here. And also, I just really want to share more of On thin ice content, but the fic itself isn’t ready to be published yet so have this instead.

For context, Baz used to train in Russia aged 16-20, and now both him and Simon train in Montreal (no, idk why I chose Montreal out of all places but that’s how it is.) Also I think Gelya is the Russian diminutive/nickname used for the name Angelina, but I’m not sure. The fic is still in the works, so this scene is bound to change/expand (I did omit it a bit when writing because spoilers) but anyway, I’ll stop rambling now.

Prompt: Unlikely friends Word count: 1950 Rating: This scene is G, although the whole fic will be T or M

SIMON

The ride from the airport to the hotel is awful. Baz must’ve suspected this, because he made me sit in the front.

“Go on,” he said teasingly. “The only skater who has motion sickness.”

I have to say, sitting in the front almost didn’t make a difference. I may not know how to drive, but even I know you’re not supposed to drive like that. When the cab drops us off in front of the hotel, I don’t even bother hiding my relief. Baz laughs.

“I never want to experience this again,” I say, knowing full well that this is my life for the next week. The hotel might be close to the venue, but it’s still far enough for it to be a driving distance. I can only hope buses are less deadly than cabs.

“You know, Moscow traffic is actually tame compared to the rest of Russia,” Baz smirks, handing me my bags.

“Well then I never want to see the rest of Russia,” I mutter, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder and stepping through the automated hotel doors. Baz scoffs and follows me.

This hotel is fancy – much fancier than the hotels we usually stay at. Baz doesn’t seem phased by it at all, the posh bastard. I bet the hotels he stays at when he’s on vacation are at least twice as posh.

He does, however, seem phased when someone yells “Basil!” across the lobby. Before either of us can register what’s going on, a small figure in a red jacket runs towards us at full speed and crashes into Baz, making him emit a surprised oof sound.

The moment I realize the figure is actually Angelina Nuriyeva is the moment she starts speaking in fast Russian. I don’t understand a thing, but Baz seems to, because he laughs and hugs her back.

I knew Baz and Angelina were friends, but I didn’t think they were this close. I mean, they’re the exact polar opposites; Angelina is an actual sunshine (she’s always hugging and smiling at everyone) and Baz is… Baz. (He’s a big softie, I know that, but he goes through great efforts to appear cold and closed off.)

But here he is, ruffling Angelina’s hair and telling her something in Russian. (I’m suddenly met with the realisation that being in Moscow means I’ll get to hear a lot more of Baz’s Russian. I am very much not complaining at this prospect, even if I don’t understand a thing of what they’re saying.)

Angelina is nodding along and she pulls out her phone to show him something, but that’s when Baz stops her, suddenly speaking in English.

“Wait, I think in the interest of Snow, we should switch to English. He already looks lost enough as it is,” he says.

“No, no, I’m fine, by all means…” I start, but I’m soon cut off by Angelina.

“Yes, of course! I’m sorry, Simon! Come here, it’s so good to see you,” she says and hugs me. (This is what I mean when I say Angelina is a sunshine.)

“Good to see you too,” I nod.

“I was just about to show Basil how his houseplants are doing. Do you want to see too?” she asks.

“Houseplants?” I don’t bother hiding the surprise in my voice. Since when does Baz like houseplants? His flat in Montreal doesn’t have any, spare the tiny cactus on the windowsill.

“I had a lot of houseplants when I still lived here, but I couldn’t take them with me on the plane when I moved, so Gelya took them in her care,” he explains, as if he’s reading my mind.

“Georgy is doing amazing but Ilya went a bit floppy. I changed his earth so now I’m hoping he gets better,” Angelina says, showing Baz a picture of two houseplants, side by side, one of them (Ilya?) looking slightly wilted.

“When it goes floppy, we say it wilts, and we don’t say earth, we say soil,” Baz corrects her. If I was Angelina, I’d probably be annoyed right now, but she just smiles at him.

“Thank you. It’s so much harder to learn English now that there’s no one here to practice with me,” she sighs.

“You know you can call me any time and we can practice,” Baz offers.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I stop them both. There is so much new information I have to process. “You had houseplants? And you named them Russian names? And you taught her English?” (That would actually explain why Angelina’s English is so good.)

“Yes, Snow, are you keeping up?”

“And when he gave them up, he wrote me a whole notebook on how to take care of them,” Angelina chimes in. “And another notebook with English grammar.”

Maybe I do have trouble keeping up. Who is this Baz? (And why is he so attractive?)

“I never thought of you as a houseplant kind of bloke,” I shrug. “You don’t have any houseplants in Montreal.”

“I’m still mourning the loss of my old children.” Baz deadpans before turning back to Angelina. “Show me Alyosha. He was always my favourite.”

BAZ

Unsurprisingly, the jet-lag catches up with me right when it’s time to go to bed. I don’t know why I was naïve enough to believe I won’t need melatonin when dealing with an eight-hour time difference. I better take it now, before it’s too late.

I sigh and throw the covers back before picking up my phone to check the time. However, a text message notification from Snow grabs my attention before I can do that.

Is he nervous again? It would make sense, since this is a big competition for him. Would I be able to sneak into his room and sneak out the next morning unnoticed? I doubt that. There are only athletes staying on our floor, the coaches, press and competition staff are all on different floors, and I doubt the athletes would pay us much attention, but it’s still risky.

I’d much rather risk a few weird looks than have Simon spiral into panic two days before a major competition, though. I decide I’ll go to his room if that’s what he needs.

Maybe I should check why he’s even texting me before I devise any plans.

SS: do u have melatonine? SS: jet lag

I sigh in relief. He’s not having a mental breakdown. He’s just jet-lagged. (Which is a bit strange for Snow, but I suppose even his circadian rhythm can take a blow from time to time.)

BP: It’s spelled melatonin and yes, I have it. You can come get it if you still need it BP: Room 254

SS: yes ik where u r SS: I’ll b right over

I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for Snow to knock on my door. He’s staying a few corridors down, in room 273, so it takes him a few minutes. I jump up when I hear his knock.

He’s standing in front of my door, wearing joggers, a hoodie and those damned glasses of his again. His hair is messed up, like he’s been tossing and turning too.

“I thought you didn’t get jet-lagged,” I say, stepping aside to let him in. He settles on the edge my bed while I rummage my luggage for melatonin supplements.

“I don’t get sleep jet-lagged, but I do get food jet-lagged,” he says.

“What does that even mean, Snow?”

“It means it’s lunchtime in Canada right now and I’m so hungry I can’t sleep.”

I bite back a laugh. He’s an idiot. (An adorable one but an idiot nonetheless.) “You don’t need melatonin, Snow, you need this,” I say, throwing a granola bar at him. He startles, but manages to catch it.

“You’re just giving this to me?” he asks, audibly surprised. (Which is ridiculous. He gives me food all the time and here he is, questioning my generosity over a fucking granola bar.)

“No, Snow, pay up. Fifty rubbles.”

“I don’t have any Russian money,” he laughs, tearing the wrapping open. He’s going to get crumbs all over my bed, but I don’t shoo him away. Instead, I finally find the melatonin supplements and take one with some water. “Do you still want one?” I ask.

“Do you have any more granola bars?”

I laugh and pass him another one before sitting down next to him on the bed.

“Are you nervous?” I ask, just to make sure he’s really okay.

“Right now? I’m just hungry,” he says, tearing open the second granola bar.

“Right,” I nod.

“Baz. Are you doing that thing where you’re worrying about me again?”

“A bit,” I admit.

“Stop,” he says like I can just turn it off like a tap. (I wish I could.) We sit in silence for a while, me thinking about how much easier my life would be if I just stopped worrying about Simon Snow and him chewing through his granola bar. “I didn’t know you and Angelina were such good friends,” he finally says.

“We trained together for four years,” I shrug, but it’s not just that. The training environment in Russia was intense. It’s a bloodbath to even get on the national team there, so of course it’s intense, but I think every other skater the rink was looking at me sideways because I was an outlier. I wasn’t Russian, I didn’t speak Russian and I think they felt like I didn’t belong there. (I know now that I really didn’t.) They eventually accepted me and by the time I left Russia, even the ones who refused to speak during my first year there were sad to see me go.

But Gelya was nice to me from the start. She was only thirteen at the time and didn’t speak any English, but she clapped for me when I did something well and cheered me on when I was having a bad day. (Thanks to her, davai was one of the first Russian words I learned.) She brought me homemade pyraniki on special occasions and when I got injured and had to go back to England to have surgery, she sent me get well soon cards all the way from Russia and she made the entire rink sign them.

That’s just who she is. She’s this nice to everyone and it didn’t matter to her if I was Russian or English, I was just another person at her rink who she could bring biscuits to. Over the four years that I’ve lived there, she became like a little sister to me.

“Baz?” Snow’s voice snaps me from my thoughts. “You seem tired. I’m going to go.”

I have half a mind not to ask him to stay here. (We both know we can’t do that.) “Okay,” I say instead. He stands up and throws the granola wrappers in the bin. I stand up too, to walk him to the door (I have manners), but he waves at me to sit back down.

“It’s fine,” he says.

“Will you be able to sleep?”

“If my hunger doesn’t get to me again, yes,” he laughs. He’s already by the door.

“Wait.” I stand up and grab the last granola bar from my bag, offering it to him. “Just in case,” I explain. I want him to stay here, to make sure he sleeps well and doesn’t spend the night worrying about the competition, but I can’t do that, so this is the least I can do.

“Thanks,” he smiles, tucking it in his pocket. Then he hugs me briefly and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Sleep well.”

“You too.”

And he’s out the door.

#if any russians are reading this #1. i'm sorry simon thinks you're terrible drivers #2. how would you omit the name angelina?#i was watching the olympic channel once and someone referred to angelina melnikova as gelya #and that's about the amount of knowledge i have on the topic #well if it's the wrong diminutive i can always change it later #also yes baz speaks russian because of course he does #i mean he's baz #uh what else do i have to say #i think writing a few scenes ahead will help me unclog the slump i'm currently stuck on #i just need to get the boys through two more weeks of filler content before they can go to russia and the fun begins #also i'm really tired from working on two major projects so writing my wip for coc is kind of my way of taking a break i guess?#my original idea for today's prompt was shepard and mordelia #because i think they'd get along splendidly #ok now to general tags #coc 2020 #carry on countdown 2020 #carry on #wayward son #any way the wind blows #awtwb #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #baz pitch #snowbaz #snowbaz fic #snowbaz fanfiction #on thin ice #my writing

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lady-plantagenet · 4 years ago

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What hasn’t already been said: The Spanish Princess 2

Episode 2: SOdden (or Sod ‘Em depending on your persuasion)

(Dont know how long I’ll be able to keep these puns up)

Catherine, like this woman, does not really fit into this era. But while this woman seems dropdead cool and at least looks the part, Catherine just...

To all those of you keen enough to have come back for another segment of ‘what hasn’t already been said: TSP’, as opposed to have just been scrolling when you see this - welcome back! (Scrollers you too <3)

To anyone who’s seeing this for the first time: what this is a list of observations, jokes, reactions and criticism which occur to me upon a rewatch. I wait every week until Saturday to do this so that I have had my fill of scrolling through the tag and aggregating what has already been said. I tried doing a whole spoof (here where I gave up 10% in) but tbh a) I don’t know the history well enough b) it’s more time consuming than I thought and c) this series is just not as funny or as crazy as TWQ, so it’s untenable. Having said that: This is not a hatepost. I’m not hatewatching this series and nitpicking on purpose but expressing my honest views and trying to find the good in it as well as the bad.

Without further ado...

First Scenes:

The baby cloth lifting into the ceiling of the chapel had nice ‘myth of the demon countess of Anjou (ancestress of the Plantagenets)’ vibes. I am 100% that was unintentional. I get this impression by the cringiness of the baby’s screams (what’s up with those sound effects? It sounded like a zipper).

Henry gives me such softboi vibes? It’s pleasing to me because it’s making me attracted to him as a viewer, but no good in convincing me this is Henry VIII.

I think Catherine’s exposition about how she feels is pretty ok actually, it’s fitting that she would feel anger.

CHARLES’ FATHER IS NOT MAXIMILIAN, IT’S PHILIP (or rather it was). ~~ A quick wiki search guyz, a quick wiki search. Ughh

Again with the whole everyone acting like Catherine is Queen. Can they cut it out? Also while we’re at it, what was Catherine’s attendance in councils even like?

The music was nice

Post Child announcement phase:

Oof I hate to say it but I lowkey wanted de la Pole back in this mother. Mainly because it would mean more Margaret Pole and by this point I am scared her storyline will fade in prominence now that there’s no longer a Yorkist subplot (showhorned as it was, it was the crowning glory of last season tied with Arthur x Catherine).

More x Maggie Pole and all of it over Seneca and learning :’). I already know this will be the best part of the episode.

‘We certainly know stoicism in our family’ ~ I guess she’s referring to Reggie? Because our boi Clarence was no poster boy for stoicism. Though could she be making an ironic reference to her father~?

Edmund de la Pole Debacle:

Well this convo at least passed the bechdel test.

Maggie and Edmund’s interactions here are touching. I know this plotline was rushed but I think it was just right to bring us back here for 5 min as a mournful throwback to the bygone era to which Maggie Pope belongs to and now continues to do so alone. It is emotionless and you can just feel how the York cause was hanging on by a tired old threat by that point.

Maggie Pole is becoming matronly now and I like this transition.

What bothers me about a lot of fans of Margaret Pole is that what they don’t realise is that she wasn’t all like ‘I want nothing to do with my family I’ll stay low and obscure’. While far more cautious than the likes of her ancestors, she did engage in land disputes with Henry VIII and was an outspoken supporter of Catherine and Catholic. Having her be a woman woth dubious loyalties towards the Tudors is accurate.

Scotland with Meg and Jammes:

LMFAO it’s like they read my mind when I spoke of how much I laughed when Meg was like ‘Alexander Steward you pig!1!!’ last episode.

Nice reference to Aulde Alliance

I like James.

Henry and Catherine on the balcony:

Was she commander of the forces? Was Howard appointed that? Regent she was, ok.

Charlotte Hope’s new hairstyles really suit her!

‘Will you please stop cursing’ agahsjdk ahah

No offence to women (of which I am one) but this comparison between childbirth and war is just... wrong. I know Starz think they are being smart but childbirth is far less impressive than winning or surviving a battle - comparing the two diminishes the bravery of soldiers. YET ,having said that, childbirth is necessary for our society whereas war is almost always futile and by comparing them, it wrongly represents violence as something inherently as natural to us as birth and continuing of civilisation. overall not a smart, respectful or accurate parrallel to make.

Meg and prep for invasion + Catherine in her weird armour:

So Margaret dreams that her husband is dead and bloody in her bed. Ughh show you neeed to get more creative. But I did like the whole ‘dreams are how our ancestors talk to us’ line from Angus Douglas.

Re: Meg in her beret... Why is Meg dressed like me going to the London shops in October? Digging the aesthetic but not sure about the accuracy.

Rich of Catherine to bring up Edmund.

Why is Ursula Pole crying??? What is all this to her really?

Did Howard just call the guard... sonny?? Is this some WW2 crossover?

Catherine - James and the tent parlay:

Did Catherine just insult Meg’s intelligence??

Also lmao I’m going to miss James.

Re: Howard saying ‘I’m not going to get insulted by a man wearing a dress’ .. UMMM Starz, you do know that just thirty years ago men were prancing about in dresses and leggings (essentially). From around the middle of the 14th century to the beggining of 16th century (if not earlier), Englishmen were also essentially prancing about in ‘skirts’.

Am I getting a weird cooperation-partnership vibe between Meg and James?

The Battle:

Charlotte Hope looks so good with the helmet, she’d really suit an english hood! Such a shame they won’t give her one!

Ewwww he’s eating mud, why?

Just standard battle scene. They are all the same to me no matter which movie.

Aftermath:

Jesus, I find the whole Meg crying over James IV so heartfelt ‘you arrogant bastard’ for some reason just came out so full of emotion. Can someone please explain why the hell I ship them more than Henry x Catherine?? Like how ??

Awwww Linna is sooooo adorable ughhh. Also this whole Catherine going into armour among all the women crooning over the children gives this adorable sense of Catherine boyish and bloodying herself out to protect their peace, idk. All I have to say is that these series is less eager to pitt women against each other than the previous. I think that’s a step forwards.

Also, good to see Catherine being modest about her victory so Henry can save face. Finally starting to seem like the real Catherine.

‘Go on you dog’ arghh ahah he sounds like some public school rugby lad egging his mate on.

Re: Wolsey cock-blocker; the real Catherine would know it was uncatholic to have sex when you were pregnant. Also Catherine is not technically speaking in confinement if she’s wandering about.

It’s nice to see Catherine sticking up for Howard, she at least learned to respect him during the battle.

I foresee Oviedo having enough of this Christian stuff and wanting to return to the berber domains (I suppose Spain is out of the question)

Knighting Ceremony:

Apparently Margaret Pole herself was made Countess of Salisbury during this same ceremony... right? @houseofclarence

Also Maggie Pole being like: “being a rebel is in my blood, or so they tell me”... gahhh what’s with these shows and the Clarence erasure? Can’t they make one bloody reference to her dad or grandad Warwick? Ugh. Especially with lines like this. Actually? You know what? Ignore my previous comment about the stoic remark and it being an ironic reference to Clarence. I put such subtlety above this show’s writers.

Catherine has a habit of going to the coldest places possible to lose her children...

Haha @ Henry asking Bessie Blount (of all people) where Catherine is.

Conclusion:

6/10

What I’m happiest about is that Flodden got dealt with in one episode because warrior xena Catherine is not what interests me most about this show. Having said that, it was a true shame that James IV died because his were some of the best scenes. This whole show is starting to feel so historical fantasy-ish because the aesthetics are so confused. Granted it’s still pretty (not eyesore like Reign) but it doesn’t penetrate.

I am as always invested in the Poles (and More) but am also starting to get attached to Princess Mary whose actress exudes plenty of charm. This show remains confused with its feminist message because while it shows women being proactive there is so much emphasis on babies that what remains with the mind after watching is this womanish birthdrama, as opposed to a show about struggles which affect both genders.

You might tut at me and say I’m being ridiculous and that it is historically accurate to put so much emphasis on women’s babies and I say that’s swell. I would happily watch a show where that element is strong (most pre 1995 historical dramas are like that with traditionally feminine characters and I gulp them up like sustenance), but if a show promises feminism and women-men being partners I want it to deliver that properly. As I said in my previous post, why do we keep trying to make women engage in acts like war as if such an abhorrent act is the only way to take them seriously? I await the day where cunning, rationality and cool-headedness will be the traits portrayed as feminist ones.

There is nothing else to really comment on... the only potentially deeper message in this is the gender discourse. I am unsure about the accuracy so I can’t speak of the historical value of the interpretation. But what I will say is that though I remain excited for each new episode... I’m just not as invested as I was in TWQ (rewatch every year dont @ me) or TWP despite their many flaws. Some characters pull me in eg Maggie Pole (Carmichael is a bae), Thomas More etc but not the whole cast like TWQ. Anyway... would be interesting to see if anything happens with Lina and Oviedo tommorow as their storyline is conspicuously slow.

#the spanish princess #the spanish princess 2 #fool if you thought I wouldn't jump on the whole 'being a rebel is in my blood' opportunity to bring up Clarence #I was delighted last time when people left comments and stuff #rofl #so yeah #Please please I love discussions and do not think twice before sending me an ask or commenting !#lady plantagenet's series reviews #the dialogue remains a bit trite #the sugared grape counterpart for this episode was edmund's death and the whole ironic reference to Senenca and stoicism #not because the dialogue around edmund's death was particularly poignant but how conspicuously quiet and swift the whole affair was as #...as compared to previous york pretender plotlines left a mournful note #basically I feel like I keep focusing on stuff the show doesn't want me to focus on #and am projecting therefore

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omoi-no-hoka · 5 years ago

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Hi omoi-no-hoka in a previous ask you said that you had studied german besides Japanese in uni, but i dont recall reading that you said that you got to any level of proficiency,so have you learnt another language to some degree?(including German), or are you interested in learning another?

Hi there, my dear friend! 💖

I have dabbled in several languages, but I can only claim to be proficient in English and Japanese right now.

Here are the languages I have studied so far:

English

Proficiency: Native

I can muddle my way through Middle English if you force me, but I’d rather you didn’t lol. I did quite a bit of study of medieval literature and the history of the English language, so I’m fairly good at Chaucer and Milton and stuff, if I reeeeeeally need to be. I was one of those nerds that participated in the university’s Medieval Poetry Reading Club lol. For genealogy research I often find myself reading documents from the 17th century and back which is...oof. that calligraphy and spelling, man.

Japanese

Length of Study: 5 years at uni plus all these years of independent study

Proficiency: near-native (feel kinda like a braggart for writing that...)

I can do Classical Japanese as well but it is torture I do not want inflicted upon me, unless it is Basho’s haiku.

Spanish

Length of Study: 4 years in high school, 1 year in uni

Proficiency: I was fully conversational back in uni. Went to Mexico and totally survived. Could watch telenovelas to my heart’s content. Sadly, I have had zero opportunity to use Spanish since moving to Japan 6 years ago and I have forgotten most all of it... I can still read it very well, but when I try to speak it, Japanese words come out and it’s very stop-and-start. It makes me so sad I could cry, because I just love Spanish so much. I want to refresh, but I need a speaking partner to really get back to being fluent again.

French

Length of Study: 2 years in high school

Proficiency: ...how do you say “zero” in French? lol. Strangely, I know how to say “canker sore,” which is “aphtes.” This is because one of my roommates in the dorms at uni only knew the French word, and therefore I learned the French word lol. Thank you for teaching me that word, mon amie! XD

German

Length of Study: 1 year in uni

Proficiency: All I can say is “Das ist nicht so gut” and “Krankenwagen.” So...zero lol. I have a lot of German heritage, so I would love to study it in earnest one day. The whole der/die/das and preposition mess kills me though.

Indonesian

Length of Study: 6 months, independent

Proficiency: My host parents wanted to take their first ever trip abroad and chose Indonesia, where we have a great English-speaking friend living in a rural part of East Java. Since my host parents can’t speak English, they wanted me to come with them. So I did my best to learn as much Indonesian as possible in the 6 months leading up to the trip. I was able to count, talk about money, do greetings, all the really rudimentary crash-course survival stuff. Also, “tumbicar” is how you say “pottery” lol.

I also learned a little bit of Javanese, because our friend’s family could only speak Javanese, so I learned how to say “Thank you” and a few other little phrases.

I intend to go back and visit his family again, so I really need to study Javanese seriously. However, the only legit book on Javanese I could find assumes that you already speak Indonesian, so...gotta learn Indonesian first lol.

Romanian

Length of Study: 3 months, independent

Proficiency: Zero. A story I was writing involved some bits of spoken Romanian and I wanted to understand the grammar more so I could check whether Google Translate was doing me dirty. It was really cool and I’d love to study it seriously one day.

Old English

Length of Study: Ongoing!!

Proficiency: Zero right now, but I just started studying it and I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

Other Languages I’d like to study:

Ainu

Old Norse

ARABIC. That’s at the top of my list, because I have very very serious plans to go to Egypt in the next couple years, and it’s a fascinating language.

Mongolian is another one that really interests me. Not sure how I’d go about learning it, though.

#xzinik #wish i could say i was a #polygot #but im not lol #foreign language studies #japanese language #spanish #french #german #romanian #indonesian #javanese #old english #middle english #fuck it ill learn whatever language because i just like to talk

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shortqueershakespeare · 4 years ago

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bro... you just know imma have to ask for all the questions....

I hope you’re proud of my dedication (also thank you for doing this every time lol)

london: when you visit a city, do you take in the tourist points or the more unknown places?

I like to do both, but more unknown places are fun to either discover myself or be shown by someone who loves the city.

paris: where did you last fall in love?

In a bedroom in Cambridge I think.

berlin: do you find history or geography to be more interesting?

History, I love learning about history, but I didn’t study either at school - I now do some history.

amsterdam: would you drink in a room full of strangers?

That’s just freshers week in a nutshell so yes I did.

prague: rivers or forests?

Forests with lakes, although rivers really make me think of home - in my home city my grandma lives next to a river, as does my dad, at uni I live near a river and in Vienna I commute across the river which I love.

vienna: do you enjoy classic literature?

Yes, definitely, I actually read a lot of classics as a kid but I’ve been slacking lately.

barcelona: beaches or cities?

Cities

madrid: who did you last attend a party with?

I’m assuming it would’ve been with uni friends, or many a zoom party.

budapest: if you could do anything and not have to face the consequences, what would you do?

ooh shit that’s such a good question, right now it’d probably be punch/get rid of our incompetent government.

rome: ancient rome or ancient greece?

oooh i think i’d go with ancient greece although i can speak some latin so i’d maybe fare better in rome.

copenhagen: how many languages can you speak?

5, to varying degrees, english and german are my best, russian is prob still my worst because i haven’t practised in forever.

dublin: where was the last castle you visited?

Old Sarum

stockholm: angst or fluff?

Fluff babyyyy

lisbon: if you had the chance to become a prince/princess, would you?

Hmmm I don’t think so, although the British monarchy have so much monarchy, maybe just to do good with that money.

athens: favourite greek myth?

Off the top of my head, Eurydice and Orpheus.

milan: what matters more: fashion or comfort?

Comfortttt

munich: why did you kiss the last person you did?

I’d broken up with someone not long before and he kissed me and took me by surprise, it was very sweet.

helsinki: when did you last visit a friend’s house?

Start of October I think, we don’t have bubbles in Austria but we made one with him so he wouldn’t be on his own.

reykjavik: do people usually have trouble pronouncing your name when you first meet?

Nope, they often spell it wrong though

florence: how did you discover your favourite artist’s work?

I really like Allie Brosh’s comics and books, my sister introduced me to her.

edinburgh: would you visit a dog park without a dog?

Probably yeah

oslo: what’s more important: work or love?

Love

venice: why did you last fall in love?

He provided me support when I really really needed it and made me feel valued.

glasgow: where were you going during your latest bus journey?

To work

liverpool: do you follow any sports?

I follow league one of British football for AFC wimbledon. I follow tennis sometimes too.

cologne: why did you last visit your grandparents?

To give my mum a break from looking after grandma.

moscow: would you rather perform in a circus or an opera?

Oh hell, probably an opera.

naples: if you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and for how long?

Hmmm I’m gonna give a few answers - if there wasn’t the teeny problem of bigotry and safety I would love love love to go to Russia for like a month.

I also really want to go to Italy and Spain and the Scandinavian countries, so I’d like to do like a month or two of interrailing (which was my plan for March but obvs I can’t do that)

favourite

1 - season?

autumn

2 - classic film?

Men in black?? idk

3 - nostalgia-inducing possession?

my teddy bear - he’s called brownie and my sister got him for me when I was really little

4 - shade of green?

the dark bits of malachite

5 - gemstone?

amethyst

6 - hour of the night?

4-5am

7 - quote?

“The universe is seeming really huge right now. I need something to hold on to.” - We Were Liars (E. Lockhart)

8 - type of dream?

dreams about being in love

9 - happy song?

Candlelight - Relient K

10 - sad song?

Tobacco In My Sheets - Lauren Aquilina

11 - character from a book?

Ohh I really don’t know I’ll go with Andy Skampt from the Carls.

12 - creative medium?

Pen and paper for writing

13 - memory?

belly laughs around the table with my family

14 - aspect of a person’s face?

smile or eyes

15 - decade before the 2020s?

2010s

16 - band?

Stornoway

17 - animated film/tv show?

moana

18 - constellation?

cassopeia

19 - poem?

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver.

20 - album?

right now its Songs for the Drunk and Broken Hearted by Passenger

21 - ending in fictional media?

The ending to Crazy Ex Girlfriend.

22 - shade of blue?

maybe baby blue because its on the trans flag

23 - part of being alive?

love

24 - holiday?

last time I came to Vienna actually

25 - kind of candy?

flying saucers are a classic

26 - person you know?

I’m real homesick so my sister at the moment

27 - musical movie?

Rent

28 - superhero?

Spiderman

29 - book longer than 500 pages?

I think North Child is longer than 500 pages?

30 - book shorter than 300 pages?

We Were Liars

marvel character asks

iron man: first superhero you ever liked?

spiderman

spiderman: do you believe in hometown pride?

not really

black widow: would you rather be a secret agent for the heroes or the villains?

heroes

hulk: which approach to conflict do you prefer: analytical or physical?

analytical

thor: what’s your favourite kind of weather?

snow

captain america: how patriotic are you?

fuck not at all

black panther: what’s your favourite sci-fi movie?

the one i immediately thought of was I am Number Four.

ant-man: how tall are you?

something above 5′3″ but i genuinely don’t know

bucky barnes: do you have any hidden talents?

nope

captain marvel: on what topic do you and your parents most disagree?

how tidy my room should be kept

hawkeye: if you had to fight, what would be your weapon of choice?

something i can use at close quarters, maybe a knife

doctor strange: what’s an occurrence of everyday magic you’ve experienced?

Honestly some places and weather and animals are so magical

peter quill: is there anyone that underestimates you?

probably my flatmate

falcon: tell us your feelings on the armed forces.

oof that’s a rough one. My dad was in the army and definitely has ptsd from it. I don’t support the army at all but I do recognise that a lot of working class kids have few alternatives and are funnelled into that system.

gamora: if family and success were mutually exclusive, which would you choose?

family every time

nebula: do you believe a person can truly change?

yes

wanda: if you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?

shapeshifting

deadpool: tell an offensive joke you feel bad for finding funny.

eh no thanks, i don’t really wanna put that energy out there rn

loki: greatest thing you’ve done on april fool’s day?

i mean probably something annoying to my sister when i was younger

venom: what non-mcu marvel character would you love to see in the mcu?

oh god i have no idea

nick fury: how do other people perceive you?

i hope as empathetic

thanos: do you believe in necessary sacrifices? give an example.

yes and no, not in terms of economy and shit, i don’t think people should ever be sacrificed for economic gain, but in terms of personal life i’ve sacrificed friendships to transition, and i’d do it again.

rocket: favourite non-domesticated animal?

tigerrrr

drax: would you rather fight with fists or knives?

fists

groot: how annoying were you five years ago?

i think i was growing out of my super annoying phase

#personal #personal post #personal posts #ask game #ask games #anons #answering questions

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fizzingwizard · 5 years ago

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WOW this show is not pulling its punches! :O holy granola

I honestly don’t know what to think... at this rate original Adventure would be over already x’D

anyway ep 2 thoughts under the cut!

We left off with the end of the world! Already! We pick up with the somewhat low key first meeting of Taichi and Yamato. I’ll admit, I was expecting a bit more drama between them, but Yamato seems reserved, but mostly chill. He doesn’t let Taichi’s over-eagerness push his buttons. I suppose it helps Takeru’s not involved.

I like how he’s got his arms spread as if he’s gonna stop Garurumon somehow. Even with a giant dino backing you up, you just look silly!

First of all, Garurumon can JUMP. If I don’t see him jump over a building in the human world, I will be Disappoint.

So Greymon and Garurumon know each other. This is completely glossed over, btw! Looking forward to finding out what it means. They also sound not only like they know each other, but like something happened where they possibly could have died, and they didn’t know till now that they both survived. WHAT HAPPENED I HAVE TO KNOW.

Gawd, Taichi, RUDE much?? lol

Taichi takes out his digivice to reveal his POCKET KOUSHIROU. POCKET KOUSHIROU, EVERYONE. I CANNOT COPE

Taichi immediately introduces everyone and tries to make friends. That goes over as well as might be expected.

Yamato: “Ugh not this FRIENDS stuff again, this always leads to me crying and looking uncool, I hate looking uncool!”

I think the primary reason Yamato goes along with Taichi in the end is because Koushirou is freaking useful. He’s got all the info on the missiles which are apparently about to be launched from an American submarine. And apparently Koushirou speaks English fluently too. Behold:

It’s not that I’m surprised, it’s just WHEN DID HE HAVE TIME between becoming a computer genius and making friends with all these experts AT TEN YEARS OLD? How has this kid not been snapped up by some college?? I guess that sort of thing isn’t super common in Japan but STILL.

Yamato may be impressed, but he’s still Yamato:

Koushirou: “Uh... well, technically... yes, but... it’s just a matter of perspective, you see... classified, unclassified... i-it’s all semantics, really...”

The reason Taichi and Koushirou are besties (well, will be) and not Yamato and Koushirou is clear. Taichi doesn’t even care. Classified? Potential hacking going on? Who cares?? It’s cool!

So cool that he calls Koushirou “awesome” two MORE times in the space of like a minute.

HE LOOKS SO PROUD OF HIS POCKET KOUSHIROU

... idk man I can’t get over it what the heck is this. Taichi sitting on Greymon holding teeny hologram Kosuhirou in his hand like he’s his magic familiar. Omg.

Yamato: “Get a room you two”

Taichi: “A room? For what? Karaoke?”

Yamato: “sure thats totally what i meant”

Koushirou: *garbled sputtering*

The purpose of this line is to establish that shy though he may be, Koushirou is a level higher than Yamato in terms of *desire* to make friends and be social. Yamato’s like “Izumi” and Koushirou’s like “Uh Izumi is my dad...”

Taichi comes on as strong as you’d expect, but like I said earlier, Yamato doesn’t rise to the bait the way I thought he would. I kind of expect Taichi’s exuberance will wear him down in the future, though. In this ep, having Koushirou’s brains and Taichi’s extra fire power around is useful enough that Yamato tolerates it, albeit reluctantly.

They go off to fight the baddie of the day.

Holy guacamole, Greymon can jump too. Though he lacks Garurumon’s grace and ummm ability to land.

EPISODE TWO, HE’S AT IT AGAIN. PLEASE LET THIS BE A REGULAR THING.

There’s not nearly enough Koushirou in this ep for me, but what we do get is pretty good stuff. Besides, we can tell from the various graphs and squiggles on his computer screen that he’s doing Important Work.

Taichi and Yamato start to fight. Yamato clearly knows what he’s doing. Taichi is impressed, but not intimidated. A bit annoyed that Yamato’s not more communicative though. All things considered, they’re getting on ASTONISHINGLY well.

I mean, they’re already fusing together. xD

THE BIG BAD GOES AHEAD AND EVOLVES...

... into a hay stack. Digimon, man.

Side note: The music in this show is pretty cool so far. I love the creepy vibe with the viruses. Can’t be as complimentary to the art as I was before, but I am still digging the facial expressions and body language. Even when the art’s rushed, they get a lot more in than the old show did.

Yamato gets electrocuted! :o oh noez!

Greymon: “Don’t worry I gotcha!”

Greymon: “OOF I don’t gotcha...”

THEY BOUNCE LIKE SKIPPING STONES.

So, if this were an ep of Adventure, I’d expect them to evolve to the next level at this point. Except this is episode two. Getting to the next level should be hard... right?

More in part 2!!

#fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon adventure 2020 #digi spoilers

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bionicdragonguardian1 · 5 years ago

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Ranma 2/4

Part Two: Chapter 13 - 25

Unless someone comes up with a better name I’m sticking with this one

HOW tf is the principal crazier than before?!

Yup, spreading out the Kuno-Principal thing

Is Sasuke seriously an anime-only?!?

Like I said Ryoga needs to chill a little first

Main reason I don’t like Ukyo That scene where she blatantly states she’s fine with turning Ranma into something he’s not rather than helping him

(Ignoring the near constant amount of undermining his abilities)

“I’m gonna cheer him up” as she holds a sword! Why?!

Ranma you dummy, hug Akane!

I hate this demon/ghost cat

Shampoo, you manipulative bitch

Akane learns to swim like a normal person

The lifeguard in me can’t do it

The principal is background shenanigans

Totally forgot about the kid who wants to play video games and is “weak” bc of it

Definitely need to find a different reason tho

Lazy little shits are a pain

Also his mom is crap

Akane… why you be dumb?

Weird Happosai is Santa plot…

What is with the Excalibur meets lucky 1000 meets fairy godmother?

Good news is, with what I’ve done to Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse Ranma knows Kuno wouldn’t give him that wish and calls it quits sooner

Someone just needs to explain Ranma’s really confusing sense of morality to me

Cuz it’s either on 110% or it’s nonexistent, now normally nonexistent is for Kuno but still

Look Ranma’s got ego problems but he ain’t stupid

No betting the Tendo Dojo at five!

On what planet is that a legal document?!?

Some1 tell me why Shampoo using Ranma as a stop ramp bugs me so bad

That mo when you can’t remember if the Hot Spring Challenge is when Ukyo met Shampoo in the anime…

I don’t think so…

Akane you made me need to google a word

That like never happens Ranma you idiot

So close but so far

So much more logic, thanks

I mean more insanity, but it explains why Ranma swapped clothes

Finally! Ranma apologizes

Jesus Christ someone would think I won the goddamn lotto with how loud I cheered when this happened

600% approve of this over what happened in the anime

Oof poor Ranma

Hahahaha in your face Shampoo, but I also think I know why Ranma chose it

Poor Ryoga

I KNEW this guy was coming I still hate it

YEET you can’t PAY ME to do this arc

Look, is it the fact that I had etiquette and dance classes as a child and everyone assumed this is what it was like? Probably.

It wasn’t so I won’t.

Any1 else notice how Nabiki is one of the few ppl that uses she/her when Ranma is in his cursed form no matter what?

Why does this bug me?

Akane, stop beating Ranma up, honestly

This is closer to abuse rather than teasing

*sighs*

Gotta work that out of the narrative, intentional or not

Every1 sayin she’s violent isn’t helping

Like I said really fucking morally GREY Nabiki

How grey can you go before you get black?

Let’s find out together

Can everyone PLEASE stop treating Ranma like an object?!

I literally can’t tell if Nabiki is fucking Aro or not…

STRESS

Why is this so hard?!

I hate seeing Akane cry

I know she’s playing Ranma like a kazoo, but the point still stands

WHY ARE YOU TWO SO DUMB?!

Nope, nevermind it’s just Ranma that’s a fuckin idiot I blame Genma

No, I’m not kidding

*sighs* I don’t condone Nabiki doing this in any way just for the record THAT’S not an apology Ranma!

This mess is totally your fault Nabiki

STRESS

am I intentionally pointing out where this work of fiction is stressing me out since I’m now online schooling and suffering for it? Yes, fuck off.

Actually, don’t.

But Fuck Covid19

Aww his hat’s back!

Why do I love his hat so much?

No, seriously Akane’s so cute!

Oooww tree

y’know the sec she realized what Ranma was doing Nabiki should’ve TOLD him!

Congrats Ranma ya got the wrong sis- I mean the right- but wrong- dammit y’know what I mean

Some1 give me a logical explanation for why Ranma goes on a date with a panda doodle, PLEASE

I do appreciate the epic battle background fight for the anime

Further proof that Happosai sucks

Manga name’s somehow less believable I think it’s the use of “snowman” rather than “yeti”

Did Soun just find out that Pchan is Ryoga, and say nothing?

Ooo, Imma commit arson

Remember when I said obey Physics and Medical, I meant it

Arson is wrong and I know this but “transgender bitch” crosses the line

I will do it

Shampoo is a fucking yandere psycho

Just sayin “we’ll see who can get him first”

honestly, any other group and I’d be annoyed, but these four can’t work together for shit I

’m still pissed at Taro, but he can kill Happosai, please

I can’t tell if Shampoo, Mousse and Ryoga are being purposefully obtuse or not

I just reread their names I know the answer to at least two of them

Idk how I feel about Kuno-amnesia we’ll see

yep, Kuno gives me the creeps w or w/out his memories

kinda wish this was anime

jesus christ, poor Ranma

press f to pay respects for Ranma’s stomach

InstaRegret

Also Ukyo’s assumption that some1 can make Ranma doing anythin he doesn’t want to is crap

Like HELLO! Wake up moron!

Nabiki, I mean this in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up

You’re making it worse

Also TALK to each other you ding dongs!

OH RIGHT! I almost forgot about the biggest fucking insult that Ukyo said of her own freewill!

It also proves that she doesn’t know Ranma as a person AT ALL!

It’s not a pick one or the other kind of thing

The fact that she thinks Ranma would accept that is insulting

The fact that she thinks that is insulting and makes me hate the patriarchy

Again, treating him like a prize than a person

*tries not scream, sighs*

Nabiki, you’re the cause of at least 30% of the stress I get from this

You having feelings ain’t the fucking problem here Ukyo, you not acknowledging Ranma’s is

I hate fake criers, anyone who does this I hate you

Always let others in on your plans, kids

When’s every1 gonna realize Ranma’s “wishy-washy” cuz no one’s ever committed to HIM before?

This episode confused me, I’m prepared to be MORE confused

Less confused, I’m surprised

Gonsunkugi, you creep

There is SO much wrong with this

*shudders*

WHAT?!

Y’know I didn’t think Gosunkugi could surprise me, I was wrong

Happosai still sucks unfortunately for all of us he’s now weird on top of it

I love how much Ranma needs to be kicked in the teeth to get any character development out of him

Ryoga is my #1 choice for it, always

Ranma… why are you like this?

Genma, emotional range of a goddamn wall

I am jealous of Ranma’s brain

I could be SO mean with the Shishihokodan

Also, are they implying that Ryoga has depression?

Gimme Ranma’s brain

I won’t ask for his confidence cuz that’s impossible but I want his brain

In Akane’s defense, given what she knows she couldn’t’ve known how badly that would affect Ryoga

I ain’t gonna say “leave Shampoo” cuz that’s cruel

I like the “turn into a Cat” rather than the “Can’t Cross” & the use of New Year’s rather than random but this still brings around the fact that she doesn’t LISTEN to him

Mousse you’re NOT helping in fact you’re actively making it worse did you miss when he said blatantly “I don’t wanna”

oh, sure, NOW you’re ok with it

ugh Mousse, you have a brain, I’ve SEEN you use it. Do so now.

This entire episode weirded me out

IDK if it’s the age-dff or the fact that he was makin it up and somehow everyone thought this was okay …

I won’t YEET it but MASSIVELY change

heheheh

Light bulb

NOPE I’m keeping this surprise to myself

it was a rather sweet end tho

Oh, this episode is a mess and a half, honestly

Also Nabiki, congrats you’ve literally enabled a stalker S

o many laws are broken here

okay, so Kodachi not being in on Ranma’s secret after so long makes sense purely because she doesn’t go to their school

however, with what i’ve done to make Kuno marginally less dumb it makes a little bit less sense…

I literally hate Kuno with what I’ve done to his logic of Ranma’s transformation, but that’s the point Kodachi… how do I handle you… oh, duh!

Ok, so Kodachi is now also terrible

I’m trying to figure out where this is in the plot since there is ZERO

Ok, there’s a LINE, Nabiki

This one would be touching, if it didn’t end the way it does

TALK gentlemen!

It won’t kill you

Fuck a parent that says they’re not your parent for no reason, EVER

I am going to make this hurt

Also gonna take out Genma’s fail at stealth

Remember I said Akane’s going to learn to cook

heheheh

sorry, I just love this idea

Oh this is SO against the rules it’s not even funny

tiny adjustment so they actually have quasi-competent referees

Crazy wants crazy?I won’t stop ‘em

I reiterate: CHEATING!

I am aware that the “ending” apparently sets them back to the start in terms of their relationship but I swear to God if they pretend shit like this didn’t happen I will scream

Someone ships something other than Akane x Ranma PLEASE explain why/how

don’t ship bash but I would insight when you explain

STICK TO CANON

please trust me, I’m a multi/poly/crack shipper

(for frame of reference to a bnha I ship DabiHawks)

I understand the appeal of Fanon

however, I would like to stick to Canon here

so no Fanon

Canon Only

Fully love that high kick

Genma shows Ranma’s secret here, but they already know… so… I shall find out

Ooo, you’re not getting out of this Ranma

Do you know how tempting it is for Akane to at least tell Ranma she’s a girl- oh wait gendered sports… right…

Ranma…

if you didn’t realize it was Akane when she hit you for calling her klutzy I can’t help you

I want to commit arson at some of the comments…

but can confirm that these are HS boys

Doesn’t mean I gotta like it

I was wondering how long I was going to have to wait before tearing into Nodoka

FINALLY

Took me WAY too long to remember that Nodoka calling Ranko tomboyish is due to how he speaks in Japanese

I’ll need to figure that out since… English

Can I explode on Genma’s choice to take Ranma at TWO?!

Can I further explode on both of them for making a TWO YEAR OLD “sign” a Seppuku Pledge?!

I hate both of them, honest

ALSO communication!

Genma! Just fucking TELL HIM!

Making her transphobic is SO tempting

I don’t mean in a “i hate you” way I mean in a “I sheltered my whole life” way

It’s still bad, and painful, but she can easily learn from that

Or be worse, this could go 2 ways

I feel so bad for Akane for this entire conversation

Also poor Ranma like ouch…

Awkward

I’m going to make this hurt something fierce

Slight change since I’m hoping Ranma isn’t as “peak fight or flight” by this point

Genma don’t be an asshole for FIVE MINUTES

Please, that’s all I want

If she doesn’t learn the truth before the end I will make a bad decision

Really, I will

Don’t kill Genma, you can’t

Akane, don’t say like you wouldn’t… honestly

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, honestly, just look the other way Ranma

*sigh*

Ranma…

See, this kind of crap here is why I really don’t like Cologne

any other day Akane’d be right

oof, that means he self aware that girls flock to him

I’m quite frustrated by that if I’m honest

Ranma is clueless about all the wrong things

I love him but God I wanna punch him sometimes

Why is there a swing from the ceiling?!

I had a jolt from the way they set that panel up, thanks

Are you trying to kill me?!

Thank you Cologne, now fuck off

Oh thank God, at least he learned

This is nonanime stuff so I have no clue what’s happening but anything to make Happosai miserable

I’m enjoying this immensely

ugh, “think of it as a compliment” ghost

Eat me

okay, yeah, as much as I want him dead, that’s worse

I’m glad he’s not a one-and-done character

I will forever ONLY call him Taro when it is NonDialogue

Wait Saffron as in big-bad Saffron?

I literally only know pieces of the end so I’m just pulling from what I know

Lol, wait… was that soldier Anime only too?

I almost liked you there for a sec Taro

Now I’m pissed again

bravo

Oh, YIKES

… if Ranma falls into the Spring of Drowned Twins would he split?

I’m not going to DO IT, obviously!

I’m just curious okay…

that answers that… and kills anyone other than Ranma’s plan to turn back to normal I hope everyone is aware of that

oof

Since when is there a castle on an island in Japan

tis just a scratch, I’ll admit that was funny

Ranma… your stomach gets you in so many problems

ok, that was wholesome

I approve

Okay, so my understanding is that Mrs. Tendo got sick, so I can understand the reactions to Kasumi

BUT I still find it odd because… well… anyone in my house gets sick and you mostly can’t even tell I mean, minus a worse attitude and a mask, other than that though, nope we keep ‘er movin’

I’m moving this section sooner EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!

I like her mom’s cookbook tho

I could make a Ranma x Ryoga joke here, but I won’t

I also won’t make a Ranma x Ryoga joke chapter cuz I’m nice like that

Actually I might have no choice

I’m FINE just dying

Help

my multishipper heart is dying here

I love this

InstaRegret for THREE people

If nothing else, I’m impressed

(well three once Ranma’s back to normal)

I need help

Fangirling/Fanboying/Fanpeopling is dangerous folks, remember that

Poor Ryoga

Though I too feel that right now like where do I look because everything coming in at mach 6

I’m changing that one scene tho cuz I can’t justify the aftermath without it

This… is… weird to say the least

I feel like I should just expect anything with Gosunkugi remotely involved to be weird at this point

okay, not as weird as I expected

glad it was short tho

I think I am officially out of anime terf

YAY, new content!

This is why I ask about any ship that isn’t Ranma x Akane

Also, names?

That- that- that can’t...

I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!

EWWW

gross

WHY?!?!!

also, biology, that’s not how that works!!

You two ARE idiots

Ryoga you die I’ll kill you

Well… that hurt to see so quick…

Ranma, get up!

I officially hate this Herb guy

ok, so if you put HOT water in the ladle do you stay that way forever?

Alright! Way to go Ryoga!

I need to stop shipping Rivals it’s bad for my health

fucking eat it you dick!

Poor Akane

nevermind, Ranma you idiot

awwwww

ok, so that whole no more Anime-content… I was wrong, and I admit that, but still

I’m just thinking of my bff when they realize she’s an adult cuz, yeah, she’s like that too

except like physically an adult unlike tiny-Hinako

oh MY GOD Ukyo you’re driving me up the goddamn wall I swear!

THANK YOU AKANE!

“You’re all Ranma’s fiancées” when only one of them actually is

GIANT SIGH OF ANNOYANCE

Ranma, learn to communicate, PLEASE!

Okay… so is this where they figured it out or are some ppl still in the dark?

TIMELINE!!

Honestly, mood Ranma, mood

This entire plot line confuses me if I’m being totally honest

I mean I live for the Akane focus, but there are so many better ways to do this

#ranma ½ #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #ranma #akane tendo #nabiki tendo #kasumi tendo #soun tendo #genma saotome #nodoka saotome #tatewaki kuno #kodachi kuno #full series au #bc I know no restraint #I'm doing this to distract from stress shut up #don't judge me #COVID19 binge watch

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endofjunee · 5 years ago

Text

🍃 I think I'm falling (I'm falling for you) by @beau-soleil-louis Louis is a disaster gay on a skateboard. Harry is a beautiful, quirky stranger on a bicycle. Their first encounter really makes a splash. 📘 when you say you love me, know i love you more by @jimmytfallon Louis discovers one of Harry's insecurities and happily soothes it away.

🍃 Falling For Me Won't Be A Mistake by @all-these-larrythings Harry is married to his job and so overworked that he doesn't know how to stop. All it takes is a forced Hawaiian get-a-away, the warm tropical breeze of the island, and the most beautiful, elusive man he's ever seen to make him remember what living is like outside of work. Well, that, and the little souvenir he accidentally takes home with him.

📘 Sun Means The Sky'll Be Blue by @twoheartsbeating As the only singleton under thirty attending his cousin's five-day wedding, Harry is desperate to find a date, or at least a reason to get people's questions about his love life off his back. So when Louis, Harry's old uni roommate and fellow wedding attendee waltzes back into his life, Harry seizes the opportunity, pretending Louis is his ex-boyfriend and that it's a sore subject not to be mentioned.

If it's a little bit closer to the truth than Harry would like, well, he's a master at living in denial.

So cue a mess of trudged-up feelings, past misunderstandings, a rekindled summer romance and a whole lot of sexually-charged bickering. 🍃 i was getting kinda used to being someone you loved by @werebothstubborn His hand clamps down over Louis’ mouth as firmly as he can manage. “What do you want? C'mon, you have my full attention now. What. Do. You. Want.”

Louis manages to look apologetic as he licks slobbery circles around Harry's palm until he lets go. “Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he says, dramatically gulping in as much air as he can breathe.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“This bloke just came up to me, said he’d give us fifty quid to be in his music video.”

“And you said what? ‘Sure, just let me coerce my friend into it with uncomfortable amounts of PDA and blackmail’?”

Or, Louis has a brilliant idea. Harry begs to differ. Until he doesn't. 📘 say that you can see me (i'll speak up i swear) by @coffeelouis “Well, it’s not like anyone really RSVPs,” Liam defends when Harry turns back to him, “No one takes Facebook events seriously.” Harry rolls his eyes, still finding it within himself to get annoyed in his moment of panic. Liam has been complaining about the lack of accountability Facebook events have bred in their generation since their freshman year. Harry glances back to the gallery entrance. Yep, still there and moving closer.

“But aren’t you guys friends?” Harry asks, trying to convey the urgency in his tone.

“Well, I mean, I talk to him when he stops by the office for supplies sometimes,” Liam reasons, “But I wouldn’t say we’re friends, exactly. Maybe more like, friendly acquaintances?”

Harry groans. “You’re the fucking worst.”

Or, the liberal arts COLLEGE AU where Harry knows Louis as the best friend of the boy he has been hopelessly in love with for years now and Louis knows Harry as this boy he wished would look away from Zayn long enough to notice him. 🍃 Light My Fire, Blow My Flame by @goldbootsandvans “In New York, you can be a new man.” Broadway actor Louis Tomlinson has it all. An amazing flat, a wonderful friend group, a Tony under his belt, and the world at his fingertips. Yet there’s one thing that’s missing. And it might be in the shape of the curly haired lawyer who becomes Zayn’s new roommate.

Or, Louis is a Broadway actor, Harry is a newly graduated lawyer, Liam is a radio DJ, Zayn is an English Professor at NYU, and Niall is a music producer. A Friends AU. 📘 you move like water (yeah and you broke like waves) by @wankerville He gets it, he gets that he's weird, and clumsy, and his hair always seems to be a little greasy. He gets that he talks too slow and has a terrible movie taste and falls too fast, whatever. He can understand that Louis sees him as no more than a friend, and he can live with it. But he can't live with just being a fuck to him, thats something you say about a stripper, or a one night stand, but thats not them. They are best friends who have slept with each other three times already. He could at least call it ‘platonic love making’ or something other than a fuck.

Or, the four times harry sleeps with louis and wakes up alone and the one time he doesnt. 🍃 If the Surface Begs You Home by @becomeawendybird Harry is a mermaid from the underwater kingdom of Mercadia who is a little too fascinated by life above the surface. He's kicked out of his home after he winds up pregnant, and has to figure out how to make his way in the world.

Louis is the darling of the small neighbouring seaside village who came home after university to take over their local library, and can't seem to stay away from the mysterious pregnant mermaid his friends introduce him to. 📘 No Love Like Your Love by @all-these-larrythings When it comes to saving the world from itself and convincing rich CEOs of environmentally harmful companies to go green, there's nobody better than Harry Styles. That is, until Louis Tomlinson, his ex and former Alpha, is involved. 🍃 Watch the Sun Coming Up by @sadaveniren As Louis approaches his thirtieth birthday his pack is desperate for him to find a mate.

Harry has always expected one day he may settle down with a nice alpha and they would continue to live in his small hometown.

Together they somehow will make this work. 📘 Consequences by @allwaswell16 Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au. 🍃 Becoming Us by @sweariwouldnt Married at First Sight is a television show in which hopefuls looking for The One are matched by experts deeming them to be the perfect match. The twist? They meet each other for the first time at the altar. When they exchange their 'I do's'. And get married for real.

One Harry and Louis find each other at the altar. They have five weeks to make or break the set-up marriage. 📘 A Taste of Desire by @casuallyhl “As forward as I have been with you this evening, I am also aware this dinner party isn’t the place to conduct business.” Mr. Tomlinson chuckles quietly to himself, shooting a subtle glance across the table towards their hostess. “And besides, I am sure our hostess would be horribly disappointed to learn that we went away this evening with a business agreement and not a mating one.”

Harry, who had been sipping his wine, coughs harshly at this. He splutters, unaccustomed to such blatant statements about mating.

Mr. Tomlinson continues to laugh quietly, clearly pleased at Harry’s reaction.

“Mrs. Humphreys promised that there was an alpha attending the dinner tonight that I would certainly get on well with,” Mr. Tomlinson continues, voice teasing. “She assured me that we would have much in common since we both work with mills.” Mr. Tomlinson glances at Harry, eyes flashing with mirth. “Little did she know that would be where our mutual interests began and ended.”

Or, a Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world. 🍃 You're My Only Hope by @chloehl10 Harry and Louis have been hoping to start a family for a while, but it hasn't happened for them just yet. With the surprise arrival of a newborn baby on the doorstep at work, are their family dreams about to become reality? 📘 freaks from the internet by @jaerie Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. 🍃 Stealing Flowers by @lululawrence When Louis finally arrived, he walked in and grabbed an apron. Without even saying hello, he immediately approached Jesy and said, “Sexy Stranger steals flowers.”

She kept pouring the Tanqueray shots she had lined up in front of her, but her face screwed up in confusion. “I’m sorry, he what? Did you finally talk to him and that was what you learned?”

He nodded to another couple of tourists and welcomed them to the Way Station as they eagerly made their way to the Tardis restroom.

“No, I didn’t actually talk to him, but—”

“Then how do you know he steals flowers?”

She was wiping down the bar and stacking the empty glasses to take back to the dishwasher when Louis realized maybe he should help too. After all, he was there to work, not just talk to her about his maybe crush.

“I saw a poster.”

Or the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn. 📘 hard for me to know i might see you around by @coffeelouis The next profile shows a guy and his horse both crashing into the ground, the bio below reading:

"Hi, I'm Louis, I suck at riding horses so I ride dick."

Harry rolls his eyes and swipes left, but before he can consider the next profile in his feed, there’s a quiet “Oof” from right behind him.

Or, a TINDER AU where Harry swipes left on Louis' joke of a profile, then ends up stuck next to him on a trans-Atlantic flight. 🍃 Hey, Mr. DJ by @allwaswell16 Harry really, really does NOT want to go out to a club tonight and be hassled by a bunch of alpha knotheads, but against his better judgement, he finds himself alone on the dance floor, barefoot, with an orange in his hand. This is all Niall's fault. At least the DJ is the most strikingly gorgeous alpha he's ever seen... 📘 2,870 Miles by @sadaveniren Harry hated the BT Sports commentators, but considering he couldn’t fly to Baku while eight months pregnant this was all he had if he wanted to watch his husband in the Europa League final. 🍃 one man in his time by @bottomlinsons “We’re fake-dating and I’m supposed to publicly break up with you but you’ve been irritating me lately so instead of dumping you I publicly proposed to mess up your plan and now we’re getting married, fuck” au.

[Previous Monthly Recs]

#my fic rec #monthly recs #larry fic rec #hl fic rec #fic rec #to read #my post

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thelunarbond · 6 years ago

Note

chocolate chip, biscotti, Dutch letter, and fig roll for Yume, Minami, and Phoenix?

Chocolate Chip: What smell reminds you of your childhood?

💙 Yume 💙 :

“The smell of the beach! The sea water, the sand… It reminds me of when me and my dad would go to the beach and go out in our boat. Since I moved to Westerlyn, I’ve kinda missed the beach, but I get to see it a lot when I travel! The beach brings out a childlike joy in me. I should invite the other Lunar Bond members to the beach soon!”

💕Minami 💕:

“Old books. Like, really, really old books. My sister used to take me to the library in Upper Lake when I was a kid and I’d listen to a storyteller every Sunday afternoon. I’d never actually rent books from there like my sister would, but I’d play with the other kids and talk to the storyteller, who was always nice and she would bring homemade cookies for all of us. Fun times!”

Phoenix:

“This is probably gonna be a little weird, but… paint. The smell of wet paint that’s drying. Also, the smell of crayons. And pencils. The smell of clay. Just… art materials. My mother was a very talented fine artist. She’d spend hours upon hours in her studio, painting or sculpting or drawing. It was normal to not see her for up to a day at a time. But the work she made was incredible. You could see her feelings in every brush stroke and every mark in a sculpture. It was through my mother’s work that my young mind started to understand art. She’d sometimes even make paintings of my favourite book characters or little clay figures of my favourite cartoon characters for my birthday when I was younger. I can’t really go into art stores anymore. They make me a little… emotional.”

Biscotti: What languages do you speak? Which one feels the most intimate to you?

(Note: As the Lunar Bond isn’t set in our world but features human characters, the names of countries and languages are different! As this aspect isn’t fully planned and completed yet, I’ll put the closest to our world’s equivalent as their answers, but I may do an updated version when I plan it out more)

💙 Yume 💙 :

“Hmm… I’ve travelled a lot, so I can speak quite a few languages, but none of them are fluent. I’m pretty good at French, German, Italian… but for the most part I can ask for directions or for food in a cafe and that’s about it. An intimate language? Oh, I absolutely adore the sound of Italian. It’s so pretty. I’ve used a pickup line on Chase in Italian once but then I realised that he learnt Spanish at school, not Italian. It was kinda embarrassing but he didn’t seem to care!”

💕Minami 💕:

“I’m pretty good at Japanese as my dad’s family still live there. I’m still pretty rusty at my reading or writing skills though. And I’d also say it’s my most intimate language as it reminds me of family. It’s a little part of who I am, you know? Those family members mean a lot to me.”

Phoenix:

“I… don’t speak any other languages. It’s kinda embarrassing, actually. Yume and Chase speak at least one language to a basic degree and Minami is virtually fluent in Japanese speaking, and Alexis is learning French in order to speak to an online friend… So it’s only me and Lavender who can’t speak any other languages. I’d like to learn another language if I get time to. Maybe Minami can tutor me… I might be biased because I’m monolingual, but English is my most intimate language as I can take in what is being said to me. But I do really like the sound of French.”

Dutch Letter: If you could decorate your room anyway you wanted, how would it look?

💙 Yume 💙 :

“Oh, I’ve thought about this for the longest time! I’d cover one wall in photos from my travels and photos of me and my friends as a feature wall, and have a glittery, custom king sized bed! I’d also have a big, sparkly shelf unit full of trinkets and souvenirs from different countries and a walk in wardrobe to keep all my clothes and shoes in. Oh, and a pink rug. And a dog. I know a dog isn’t room decor but I always picture my dream room having a dog in it!”

💕Minami 💕:

“I’m the kind of person who thinks that less is more, so I’d have plain yellow walls, floating shelves with books and trinkety bits on, and a double bed with yellow patterned sheets. From the ceiling I’d hang little fairy cutouts and I’d have bunting on one wall. I’d also get a huge houseplant to put in the corner. It wouldn’t be a massive room, but not too small either. I’d maybe also have a comfy chair to relax in as well.”

Phoenix:

“I’ve never really had to design a room before. But I’d like white walls, as any accent colour looks good with white, and one entire wall would just be shelves to put my books and things on, so I can look at them. There’d also be a snug in the corner to read my books in. I feel like I’d have a blue accent colour, as blue is relaxing, so maybe a blue rug and blue bed sheets, and I’d paint the wardrobe and drawers blue as well. I’d also get a few cacti and succulents to dot around the room and my shelves because I like to look after plants. I have no idea if that would look good, but it looks very “Phoenix” in my head.”

Fig Roll: What promise do you wish you could take back?

💙 Yume 💙:

“Oof, we’re getting into the heavy stuff all of a sudden. This question makes me sad. I’m not the kind of person to make promises I’d want to take back, but… I’ve done it before. I promised my little sister I wouldn’t move out and leave her on her own, but I ended up running away. Maybe I want to take it back because I broke it, and I know that makes me a bad sibling. She’s probably never forgiven me for what I did. I want to see her again so I can apologise, but she’d be furious… Haha. I don’t really like this talk of sad stuff. Let’s try and lighten the mood again!”

💕Minami 💕:

“Oh… At school, I promised this one girl that we’d be best friends forever. I wish I could take it back because I didn’t see how she was using me, and talking about me behind my back. She’d spread my phone number to everyone and they all texted me horrible things. I never suspected her of doing such a thing, but all the signs were right in front of me, even when I made such a dumb promise to her. Maybe I was feigning ignorance or something. I know it’s dumb to think about that promise as something serious, but it really reflects my ignorance at the time. …And as for promises to my family, well… I don’t really want to get into them. It’d make it depressing.”

Phoenix:

“Promises I want to take back?… I don’t feel the most comfortable talking about this kind of thing, because I don’t make many promises. I wouldn’t promise someone anything if there was a slight chance that I’d want to take it back. You see, I don’t really get close enough to people to make promises in the first place. And I wouldn’t promise something to someone I don’t feel close to. I don’t trust other people’s promises, so I don’t make them in case I can’t fulfil them.”

#sorry this is late!!!#that language question was hard because i havent fleshed out the lunar bond world yet lmao #also the promise one was hard to avoid spoilers with especially regarding minami and phoenix #but i like a challenge #and i hope you like it!!!#oc asks #answers #lunar bond #ailuroscorvus

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killerqueenjoy · 6 years ago

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99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

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redarro · 6 years ago

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tagged by @wlwbatgirl tyty!!

Nickname: fun fact Laney is my nickname but I go by it so idk if it qualifies?? I’ve never really had a solid nickname besides that lmao

Zodiac: Libra Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Aquarius Rising

Height: 5′11 (okay I’m 5′10 and 3/4 but I say 5′11 so I feel Tall) (I also wear heels and platforms so I can be a Tall Woman)

Last movie I saw: I said it on the other one I posted tonight lmao bUT Reign of Superman:)

Last thing I googled: Reign of Superman online movie full djfkahajk

Fave musicians: hhhh I am so indecisive but I love Hozier, Gorillaz, Janelle Monae, Two Door Cinema Club, The Wombats, Radical Face, Frank Ocean, Bastille, Fleetwood Mac, and Carly Rae Jepson (I just chose some of my most recent songs shfaksd)(also Niki ur music taste...that shit is breathtaking bro)

Song stuck in my head: What’s Up Danger (with Black Caviar) by Blackway

Other blog(s): My main is @societaluproar but we don’t know her we don’t go there as much anymore and then I have a ton of saved urls, and then some old aesthetic accounts I forgot the passwords and urls

Do I get asks: recently I have gotten more asks but still it’s scarce

How did I choose my blog url: It’s simple. Red Arrow, but no w.

Following: 740 but I really gotta clean that up

Amount of sleep: Anywhere from 5 to 13 hours, depends on the night. But I am on team nap

Lucky number(s): 8

What I’m wearing: sweats and a flash tee shirt, also sporting a face mask bc it’s self care time

Dream job: oof my Official Dream Job would be to get paid to sit in the writing room of any and all superhero shows/films and be a consultant on character development (or in the casting room, I’m not picky), but on a more realistic thought I am going to school rn to work in social media marketing for international companies or non-profits. Maybe peace corps. I’m a mess. Who knows. I’m a comm major with a dual minor in Chinese and business. Who fuckin knows. Anyway.

Dream trip: ooh I really want to go to Santorini and I want to travel and spend some time in the natural areas of the region, learn to cook, go on a photography trip, etc.

Hair color: like auburn? I’m going to dye it red soon so we will see when this changes lmao

Any instruments: okay so I played flute in middle school but I was ass and then I tried ukulele bc I listened to Twenty One Pilots in 2014 but I was ass at that too so long story short I love music but I am bad at it!

Languages: I speak English and Mandarin and I can read some French but my speaking is awful sajkghds

Random fact: I drive a Voltswagon bug!! It’s silver!!

Describe your as aesthetic things: bandanas, big laughs, small houseplants, smudged glasses. raspberries, loud headphones, zodiac signs, lilac sunsets, finding big foot, flannel, lavender scent (disclaimer none of this matches but whatever)

Most iconic song: My all time favorite song is Lovely Day by Bill Withers

Tagging: @genomorphs @arkhamkjay @katistry @bidinahlaurellance @cassisandsmark @ittybittytatertot && anyone else who wants to do it!!

#oof this was long but hey overshare baby #that job section was yeah #laney.txt #about me #not comics

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jhope-seok · 6 years ago

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I have a lot of things to say about Tinder.

This is a personal rant about idiot boys on tinder. So if you’d like to read my CRAZY FUCKING ESCAPADES IN THE DATING WORLD. PLEASE. GO AHEAD. CLICK READ MORE. IT’LL BE INTERESTING. And fun. To watch me implode then explode.

Warnings: mentions of sex/sexting, lots of cursing, men being disgusting--potentially triggering, and one angry ass woman.

Warning part 2: this is A LOOOONG ASS POST, probably with a lot of grammatical errors. It’s 2am. (just so we’re all aware, it’s about 2.3k worth of ranting plus pictorial evidence)

So here’s the thing about me and tinder. I’ve been on the thing since I was in college, probably around junior year when I really came into the realization of my sexuality/being a pansexual person. Keep in mind this was like.....5 or 6 years ago now. I was interested in exploring my options, exhausted from going to countless frat parties and having random makeout sessions with boys who never asked for my number, and/or went on to makeout with the next girl they found at the party. Over the years I have collected an INFLUX of over 1,000 matches. I am not saying this number to brag, I am saying this number to give you an idea of how much of a credible fucking source I am when I present my case. And my case is as such.

ALL MEN ON TINDER ARE THE FUCKING. ABSOLUTE. WORST.

For perspective I have also dabbled in the following dating apps:

OKCupid (absolutely horrid. don’t do it. the shit i went through on this app....just. don’t get me started. I could make a whole other post about the atrocities of this site)

HER (really sad option for lesbian/bi/pan/women looking for other women)

Bumble (pretty successful but forcing the woman to speak first is annoying as hell and then giving a STRAIGHT MALE ONLY 24 HOURS TO RESPOND. Utter hell.)

Hinge (just...downright annoying)

CrossPaths (for christians. Honestly a good idea. Poorly executed. Poorly advertised).

Badoo (honestly...what the fuck)

Coffee Meets Bagel (good idea; too complicated)

Skout (nope)

The Game by Hot or Not (i don’t remember using this but my phone says it’s in my cloud)

And probably some others I can’t remember

What you should take away from this list is that

I’m a needy bitch

I was VERY DESPERATE at times

And i’ve tried a LOT OF OPTIONS.

therefore: don’t comment on this saying: well this worked, well that worked, try this, try that. No. Tinder is still one of the only options that actually works consistently and will continue to work because it is one of the least complicated among the dating apps.

Now. To my point that all men on tinder are the absolute fucking worst.

Time for some examples.

I will not be using these people’s real names, because that’s just mean. So I will present them to you in cases.

Case #1:

Me and this man matched about a year and a half ago, end of 2016. We were unable to meet up because I had a bunch of plans going on--at the time I worked in a law firm and my commute was hell so i only had time to go on dates on the weekends. And being that it was december I was busy every...single...weekend. Which he was fine with! (Awww what a kind gentlemen). No.

He had made it pretty clear from the beginning that he was really only in it for the sex. which for me at the time was fine. I let him know that I didn’t just fuck around on the first date. I lived--and still do live--with my mother and so he couldn’t just come over whenever and i couldn’t just leave whenever i wanted to spend the night at his place in D.C. He said that was fine. However, apparently he was not fine with that.

We talked for a month, lots of sexting, lots of naked snaps, whatever, whatever, we were basically waiting to jump each others bones. But I had also told him that I did not fuck on the first date. I had a rule. I would not break that rule. Again, he said he was fine with that.

On our first date--in a CROWDED RESTAURANT--for brunch, he kept whispering to me about how he wanted to push all of our plates off the table and fuck me in front of all those people. I politely told him to shut up because there were people sitting less than two feet away from us and that was inappropriate for sunday brunch to be talking like that (how proper of me....). Anyways, I let him walk me to my car in a garage, and as we approached it he came up behind me and forcefully turned me around to kiss him. I was like “ooh how hot. I like this.” Anyways, I drove him to his car, we made out a little, then we went on our separate ways. We had a second date not much longer after that, where we had agreed to go out to dinner BUT that first we were gonna fuck in his car. So we met up in a garage and we waited for the cars around us to leave and then we made out, and i sucked his dick. I did N O T let him have sex with me because I was annoyed that he was trying to push me to it--he had a daddy kink--and kept saying “ooh how hard do you want daddy to fuck you”. I said “You can only fuck me when I say you can, and I say no.” thank god he respected my boundaries. So I sucked him dry, then he “MAGICALLY” got a call from his work calling him in. I barely heard from him after that. Because he told me I should come over and spend the night so we could fuck. I said no. He ghosted me.

Case #2--Who knows:

Soooo many fucking men. Have ghosted me. For no reason. Like we’ll have a good few opening lines. And then....nothing. Forever. Where in the FUCK DID YOU GO?! Did you find someone better? Did you grow uninterested with our conversation?! Did you forget how to speak the English language? Did you decide you regretted swiping on me? The worst is when they don’t unmatch you and then it’s just left there....hanging.

Case #whatever:

The fucking men who ask if it’s okay to text. And then don’t text.

I don’t even remember this dude’s NAME in the first place to omit it, but we got into an argument because he supports the store brand cheese puff that is America’s president, and I matched him only so I could yell at him (yeah I know...whatever...I like to prove my dominance and tell boys why they’re wrong. Also because half of the time I use dating apps just to have conversations with people because I’m bored). Anyways. we got in this heated debate and he was like “I like your fire, you should text me here’s my number ____” blah. So I texted him cause i was interested enough in our debate to continue it. THE BITCH NEVER ANSWERED ME. LITERALLY....FOR MONTHS. PROBABLY OVER A YEAR. And then out of fucking nOWHERE he responds like “hey who is this again?” Dude...... NO.

Case #The Never Ending Message Senders:

These men are the worst. So I should explain myself first. I don’t really ever unmatch someone unless it’s for a good reason. Like they’re being disgusting, racist, homophobic, gross, call me fat, ugly, whatever. For the most part I don’t unmatch with someone because in the old days of tinder, unmatching would just PUT THE PERSON BACK IN YOUR CIRCUIT (good job tinder). I’m assuming they did this in case you deleted your tinder, or your app crashed and you had to restart, or you accidentally unmatched someone, whatever. So I don’t unmatch for the sole reason that I don’t want these jerks, who never took the time to respond to my hello or witty opening statement, back in my playing field. I don’t revisit my old matches, I don’t try to restart conversations with them.

If only men could learn the same fucking thing. I have so many men who CONSTANTLY message me. I’m talking like once in every blue moon. It’s like they let the conversation lie for a while, and then BAM another message. The ones I do actually unmatch are the ones that don’t wait a while. They just constantly message, hour after hour after hour until I either respond or unmatch. I don’t know a woman who WOULD respond after having gotten 10 messages of the same “Hello? You there?” “Member me?” (yes one dude has actually said “member me” to me. Not “remember me”...”member me”) etc. etc. in the course of a few hours. Take the hint dude. Please. I don’t enjoy being ghosted, but I know when to take a hint.

A perfect example of such case is the following!

(Context: I just updated the pictures in my tinder account today! So through tinder’s cool new facebook timeline! you can see when your matches update their profiles. to scroll through and judge them even further to see if they’ve gotten cuter or uglier through time).

Please take note of the dates attached to the message. For clarification, “today” is August 27th, 2018!

I have since unmatched him. Buddy. Please. Take the hint. (Also, how fucking creepy of him to say that I’ve gotten closer since a while back....like are you tracking my distance every time you message me? Please dear lord, no).

Case #THE IDIOTS WHO WAIT YEARS TO RESPOND.

This. THIS. THIIIIIS RIGHT HERE. IS WHAT HAS GOT MY BLOOD BOILED SO MUCH I NEEDED TO MAKE THIS POST. THE FUCKING IDIOTS WHO MATCH WITH ME. AND THEN CLAIM THAT THEY DELETED THEIR TINDER. OR THAT THEY LOST THEIR PHONE. JUST REDOWNLOADED. DIDN’T SEE MY MESSAGE. FOR FUCKING. YEARS.

OOOOOOOH BOY. You’ve gotta have some damn nerve to pull that shit. If you lost the app, deleted it, got a new phone, WHATEVER. Your profile would not continue to show up on the matching feed. People would not be able to swipe on your face to find that they matched with you. You would not exist in the eyes of tinder. You would be GONE from the system.

So don’t pull that shit with me. So many dudes have had the audacity to pull this shit with me, and when I call them out on it, most of the time I get either one of three responses: they say “oof yeah I’m sorry, I’m a dick can we move on?”, “Hahaha sorry” and then they continue to ghost me, or people who pull the shit I listed above.

These next photos are from THE SAME DAY AS THE PREVIOUS PHOTOS. Please take note of the date of the first message. (“today” in this sense is technically August 28, 2018 because it’s past midnight.)

Although I deleted his name, I gotta say. My insult was pretty on point. Anyways.

Like how the fuck can you live with yourself with that fucking lie?! Own up to that shit. Be like “yep oops sorry, didn’t think you were cute the first time but this snapchat filter making u look damn good” like don’t be a DOUCHE DUDE. Men are just honestly so fucking frustrating. And yes you better fucking believe I sent that reason for unmatching to tinder. You best fucking BELIEVEEEEEEE I did that. I’m so fucking mad at men. Like how in the hell.

I’ve HONESTLY had better luck matching with MARRIED COUPLES on tinder than I have had with straight men. Married couples at least know how to respect people. God damn.

YOUR MOTHERS DID NOT RAISE YOU TO BE LIKE THIS, MEN. LEARN HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS. JESUS CHRIST.

All in all, if you’ve ever toyed with the idea of downloading tinder: Don’t. Stay out of the fucking awful shit that is Tinder and dating apps for as long as you can. I have my settings set up to men in their 30s, and honestly older men do not mean more mature men. Just absolutely frustrating.

Also, as an addendum:

Case #Don’t put my height in my bio/or do and say “Cause I guess it’s important/matters”

To all males on the planet earth: PUT. YOUR. FUCKING. HEIGHT. IN. YOUR. BIO. It fucking matters. As a tall as woman, it is so fucking annoying to match with a cute dude and then have them say “Hey I’m 5′2″ is that okay?” um....no. I’m sorry buddy. That is not okay. I have strict height limits for this ride and 5′2″ does not pass the riding restrictions.

We’re gonna call in a CELEBRITY SHOT for this story, I matched with this dude on bumble who didn’t have his height in his profile. (Context: my bumble profile says “5′10″ cause it doesn’t matter” <--a nice jab at all the straight dudes out there) and we go about having this great conversation, we’re clicking, he knows one of my friends from college, we bond, we go on a date. THE FIRST THING OUT OF THIS ASSHOLE’S MOUTH ON OUR DATE WAS “WOW. You’re taller than I expected.” BITCH HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAN U READ. IT’S THE FIRST THING IN MY BIO.

Sub case: I once had a guy match with me, tell me he was shorter than me, then asked me if I would be okay owning him as my slave. I understand and respect everyone’s fetishes, considering I have a slight dominance fetish as well, but a hello would have been nice first.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#rachel rambles #tinder #tinder stories #just absolutely god awful annoying humans

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