#「 ✎ 」 » QUEUE. ⋮ ━━ ˗ˏˋ FILE THIS UNDER FUCK IT. ˎˊ˗

[ripdenbrough]

@spider-self || CONT.

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ BILL WAS KIND. he had always been kind , someone who was open to the likes of others , despite his stubbornness. a few times he'd been told that he tended to bend over backwards , to become a doormat in some scenarios , just to avoid UPSETTING people. which was the reason he had gotten into this mess in the first place.

he was a fighter when he wanted to be , but it just so happened that he was a tad bit drunk , his reaction time rather seriously DELAYED and thus making him an easy target. he didn't want to imagine what could have happened to him had the tall , strange person not intervened. there was an odd familiarity about the way he moved , the way he spoke , that sent a shiver down his spine and uncomfortable memories filling up his mind , memories he wished he could have blocked out years ago. but at the same time , the feelings he got when watching him were NEW , this experience like something that jumped straight out of one of his mystery novels and embedded itself into the world from the pages.

but he wouldn't try and argue , wouldn't try to insist that he had it under control. because he didn't ; he was in a VULNERABLE state , and right now he didn't think there was any shame in admitting that. his kindness showed itself again as he nods to the stranger , keeping his distance but unable to deny the curiosity that welled in his gut as he looked at him.

❝ i app-ppreciate it, ❞ he stammered out , slightly SLURRED due to his intoxication. ❝ b-but i'm from around here. kn-know my way back to the town house like th-the back of my own hand. didn't e-e-expect those guys t'be out here , is all ... ❞

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ ❝ ... YOU GUYS. i talk to you guys. ❞ it was really more of a half-truth. anyone who knew bill was aware of his tendency to squash his own feelings , to ignore everything that he was experiencing if he could spend that energy directed elsewhere , whether that was in the form of helping others or helping them work through their own issues. he knew firsthand how DANGEROUS that could be , though. a bad night of drinking that ended his ass in the hospital all those years ago proved it.

❝ i may not be very good at it , but ... i do. at least , i try. ❞

@ripdenbrough

Ben did want to talk about it. That was the problem. There were a total of six other people in the world who would understand, who had been through the same things, but he got the sense the rest of the Losers Club would rather pretend it never happened-- and for Ben, that was the worst thing of all. He'd rather have nightmares every night about what they'd faced in Derry's sewers than forget them all again, the only real friends he'd ever had.

"Who do you talk to? While you're being there for all of us." He managed a weak smile, slowly spinning the empty glass on the counter for lack of something better to do with his hands. He knew he could lean on Bill. He just worried his friend didn't have someone to lean on in return.

[ripdenbrough]

( tag dump pt. 2! )

[ripdenbrough]

@infernalrampage said: [ dreamy ] sender and receiver indulge in a handful of slow, romantic kisses

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ IT ALWAYS GOT LIKE THIS WHEN HE MISSED BEVERLY. he was always able to keep his hands to himself , his voice at an appropriate volume , his mannerisms what others would expect of him when he was alone , when he wasn't in her presence. but when they were together? god help him from becoming some kind of FERAL animal , either in a sense where he'd get much too hyperactive like he had when he got excited as a child , or want to put his hands all over her.

call the current situation an amalgamation of both. he'd been bubbling with excitement talking to her about the new mini-series he'd published , but the moment she touched him — a small gesture against his forearm , one of happiness and excitement for him — he HAD to close the gap between them. they both giggled against each other's lips , bill backing her up against the nearest wall before going a bit more into depth about the story of his most recent publication , the words drawled messily between kisses.

❝ so there's this little girl ... who finds out that she ... can travel through different ... planes of existence ... realms i guess. and she ... helps the people she encounters ... by addressing and fighting for ... a better society ... for them and the people in their worlds. ❞ it was a pretty basic description , perhaps a bit BLAND , but he found himself growing a bit impatient with speaking ; he just wanted to kiss her. not giving her a chance to respond , he wraps his arms around her shoulders , brushing his chest against hers as they become lip-locked once again , their tongues dancing against one another like their bodies.

DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES .

[ripdenbrough]

@infernalrampage said: [ forehead ] sender tenderly kisses receiver's forehead

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ IT WASN'T VERY OFTEN THE WRITER HAD OFF DAYS. he had recently had a new mini-series published , and the steps it took often resulted in burnout that required at least a week of rest following its release. he wanted to pitch a few new draft ideas sometime in the next few months ; it was the best way to keep the income rolling at a STEADY pace , he had learned. but even in the realization that he'd have to keep the ball rolling , he found himself with one day , one singular day this month , that he could devote fully to himself.

the gentle clink of a mug of coffee and the soft lips against his forehead were what drew him out of his thoughts. even though he and beverly both knew he should be working , she was absolutely spoiling him , URGING him on to get as much rest as possible before the work began to pick up again. he knew he needed it , but he was stubborn. he enjoyed the way she touched him and kissed him , though , and instead of letting her make her way back to her studio , his arms were around her shoulders , pulling her on top of him on the couch. he wasn't letting her go , not yet. not until he got some MUCH-NEEDED snuggle time.

DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES .

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ BILL NODDED IN RESPONSE, reaching for his glass once again. he'd never been a fan of strong drinks , but he could feel the buzz starting to fill up his brain , that familiar pressure behind his forehead as the fruity flavor masked the sheer STRENGTH of the alcohol within it.

❝ yeah , i get you. after everything we've been through ... after everything we missed out on because of ... trauma ... and all that ... trying to improve yourself now , after we defeated IT , i'd say that's pretty damn good. it's probably all we can do now anyway , to just move forward. ❞

it was nice seeing this new richie , this new self-aware richie who wanted to better himself. it was honestly more than what he would have originally expected from the other , but given everything they went through , everything crucial they missed out on doing these past thirty years , like he said , starting NOW rather than never was what his friend could manage. and while bill himself was still struggling with doing so , of trying to better himself in the ways he wanted to , doing it at all in his mind was enough.

@ripdenbrough

❝Thanks, man.❞ Richie truly felt relieved to get some reassurance from Bill, their fearless leader. He knew it probably wasn't fair for him to place that idolizing pedestal on their friend now that they were adults, but Richie wouldn't give it up so quick. He had always admired Bill.

There was a part of Richie that had always been glad that he couldn't remember shit about himself. He had always been comfortable pretending he had this confidence and knew who he was, so not having those memories made it easier to pretend. Though the miserable and useless part was definitely something he could relate to. While he'd had a shit attitude while in Derry, scared and not wanting to relive those things, now he was seeing things through a new lens.

❝Yeah, I get it. Me too. I was just sort of ... existing. Doing what I thought I should be doing, acting how I thought was acceptable, and ... now it's much harder to pretend. I'm ready to work on my true self, ya know? Does that make any sense?❞

[ripdenbrough]

@infernalrampage said: [ almost ] sender and receiver are centimeters apart, about to kiss, but something interrupts them

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ HE'D BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING A MOMENT ALONE WITH BEV. he had quite a bit he felt he needed to talk to her about ; he hadn't been able to get in contact with her for the past few weeks , and he had been worried. ever since they left derry for the last time after taking care of IT , he'd struggled to stay in touch with her specifically. where had she gone after? why hadn't she returned his calls? did she not want to stay in touch , and if so , why not? she didn't IMMEDIATELY forget what it was like losing touch with her best friends , had she?

it wasn't like he could be mad at her though , seeing her face. he wasn't really mad at all ; just worried. an emotion that often manifested in the form of frustration or anger. he'd keep a handle on these feelings as they talked , he promised himself. but it didn't go as plan , the two of them falling into cracking jokes about their childhood and their friends and the SHITTY EXPERIENCES they'd had these past thirty years. seeing her happy and laughing , able to actually look whole and full , a side of beverly he didn't think he'd had much experience in witnessing ... the feelings came rushing back , crashing over him like a wave. it was too strong to quell. it didn't help how close their faces had gotten in excited conversation , both laughing like they hadn't laughed in years.

a few more moments ticked by and his lips found themselves only a centimeter from hers , a hair's breadth apart , before a RAUCOUS knock sounded against the door.

❝ what , richie?! ❞ he snapped , all of the anger and frustration he thought he'd squashed down coming out in two words. dammit , trashmouth. the moment was perfect and you just ruined it.

DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES .

[ripdenbrough]

@eddiethekaspbrak said: [ tuck ]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ HE COULDN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME HE HAD BEEN THIS EXHAUSTED. it had probably been georgie's funeral , his body going limp and numb from bawling for hours on end , some on his own and some in the company of his parents and friends. he remembered collapsing into bed that evening , the EXHAUSTION of his breakdown forcing sleep upon him after countless sleepless nights filled with nightmares and thoughts of his brother.

but this was a close second. these days , he was still barely on a healthy sleep schedule , and it seemed as though it was just beginning to rear its ugly head in in the form of bill passing out after deciding to , for once , take a half hour to close and rest his eyes. in his sleep , however , he was ROUSED by the feeling of something warm and soft being tucked around him. a noise of complaint left him , attempting to blink awake to see who it was ; there was no denying the culprit as his COMFORT finally took over and sent him back into the world of sleep.

PROMPTS FOR COMFORTABLE INTIMACY .

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ HE HATED CARNIVALS. he always hated carnivals , ever since he saw that boy get devoured by IT in the middle of the mirror maze. it wasn't just that ... the balloons , the bright colors , the cheerful music , it always reminded him of GEORGIE.

at least now it did. some way along the line , during that 27-year time span , it was as if he had lost complete memory of his brother. of the friends he had made that one summer , of the experience he had with IT. his mind had cast a shadow over that one fateful summer , all passageways to it completely blotted out from finding any way to access such memory. it was only when he got mike hanlon's phone call did it all come RUSHING back , when he saw the scar embedded in his left palm. memories that came to him with the force of a tidal wave , causing him to buckle at the knees and send his smartphone flying.

at the time he could deal with a bit of plastic metal and glass on the ground , but not of confronting what had HAUNTED every conceivable memory from his childhood , even the ones of his own brother , the person he loved more than anything else in the world. he still could buy and replace a device , but unlike the images and data that weren't backed up to be accessed later , the memories turned into nothingness.

you couldn't get back images in full if they weren't backed up or accessible on another device. if they were only on that broken device , they were GONE. but the brain didn't work like that. sometimes stimuli could re-create memories , even bring them back in full. and being here , at the carnival , was bringing back those completely unconscious , un-backed up memories.

he was only here to sign a couple copies of his new mini-series , a few which were sold here in derry and offered a few EXCLUSIVE editions with his hand-written signature , the executives thinking it would be a good way to promote his name in his home town. when one was as well-off as he was , who needed to do that anyway? and who CARED about derry enough to come to the carnival anyway?

he just wanted to get the hell out of here , but somewhere along the lines , he crashed into something , the force of impact not enough to knock him backwards but the intensity of the person he bumped into enough to do so. he didn't even notice the STAIN the stranger's cotton candy left on his shirt until he pointed it out.

❝ i-i-it's okay ... i was j-just on my way o-out anyway — ❞

@ripdenbrough liked this for a starter

Once upon a time, a great turtle vomited up the universe and thus humanity was born. None of them would probably accept this if they knew. How demoralising to learn that all you were was tiny flecks of puke. That your entire species existence was nothing more than the result of a bellyache. Bill probably would have written it differently, found some way to pretty up a disgusting truth. Making something noble out of it. As if there was anything redemptive to be found in waste. Under different circumstances perhaps he might have romanticised IT. A monster defeated by the power of belief and friendship, a brother saved, the world restored to its true and natural order.

But it was the nature of things to suffer and die. And yes, even those things that were beloved and treasured could easily be snatched away. No one was exceptional. IT hadn’t specifically hunted for Georgie and took him out of spite. It was the wrong place and the wrong time, a perfectly opportunistic hunt IT had been grateful for at the time. So soon after waking from IT’s rest, IT had struggled to hold onto IT’s disguise long enough to lure the boy close. If Georgie hadn’t been so young or so trusting it might not have worked.

Perhaps in that way IT and the writer were similar. They both told lies. They both hid behind illusions and spun wild and awful fantasies into existence. Which was the more honest? A monster that changed to suit each individual? Or a writer who swore all monsters could be defeated? The Losers had come home to kill their monster, but IT would bring them all screaming into the deadlights. The writer last, just so he could watch and see exactly what he had wrought all those years ago.

He thought he could hurt IT? No.. No IT make him beg for death.

Soon but not yet, IT was tailing him for now, as IT was tailing all the Losers in small ways. Nothing in Derry could be hidden from IT. Not much had changed since the first early days of settlement. Refreshing IT’s knowledge of the town had become less of a need and more of a habit over the years. They were collecting their talismans, personal objects of belief, things they meant to use to bind IT in a small vessel. As if the majesty of IT’s true self could be contained by such a pathetic little thing.

It was amusing to watch them scramble, to fall afoul of the little torments IT had arranged for them. The main event would be even more spectacular, but first… IT wanted to fuck with them just a little more. After all.. They assumed the only forms IT could take were fantastical. And why would they suspect otherwise? IT wasn’t as if IT made a habit of lingering in such a limiting space. But needs must. Once they discovered that nowhere was safe. Perhaps they’d think twice about walking back into Neibolt House.

IT’d thought the last place Bill would have thought to investigate was a circus of all places.. But perhaps the notion of IT appearing in such a place felt too absurd even for a writer. It would have been too much of a cliche to be killed here, surrounded by clowns and children and the kind of rides that made grown men scream. He probably thought he was safe here and in some respects he was right. But Bill was wrong too and he was about to find that out.

The cotton candy IT was eating stuck to IT’s fangs, the texture of the confectionary reminding IT of IT’s webs.. But that was fine, it was bearable for now and IT focused on the candy, following Bill’s scent until IT was able to cut in front of him and collide, the sugary treat smearing over Bill’s shirt.

“God, I’m so sorry..”

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ TO BILL, it always felt like eddie always had something on his mind , something to say. whether or not he said it tended to rely on many factors , particularly if richie was present or not. the taller man had always had a way with his words , always liked PICKING ON eddie and getting a rise out of him. bill wouldn't deny that the other man's reactions could be funny , but he knew that what the other could bring to the group was so much more than he thought. and he was demonstrating that right now , attempting to tap into bill's emotional foundations hopefully in a way to help him out. of course he was ; he was a loser just like him. losers stuck TOGETHER.

❝ ... no , i won't lie and say that everything's just p-peachy. ❞ he was done with lying to his friends. the best way to make things better , to help them all keep moving forward , was to do his part and be as HONEST as he possibly could. ❝ i guess you're not the only one who st-struggled with his marriage. and trying to ... move on after everything. ❞

@ripdenbrough continued from here

"Yeah? And what about you?" A lot had been going on recently, especially for Eddie, but he wasn't blind enough to not notice the impact that everything had on Bill. That was something Eddie was good at. Paying attention to the little details. Nothing went unnoticed by him. Especially when now all he could do was people watch from where he sat. Bill was so busy helping everyone else that he wasn't focusing on himself.

In a way, Bill was the glue that held the Losers together, but sometimes that glue weakened. "Listen, man. We all got handed a shit hand. One we completely forgot about before a few months ago. It's okay if you're not okay. I appreciate all you've done for me with the divorce and figuring out my life, but what about yours? You can't tell me everything's perfect, cause I call bullshit on that."

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ ❝ ... OKAY ... ❞ his brows furrowed , but he didn't want to press the issue further. if ben didn't want to talk about it , then he wouldn't force him to talk about it. ❝ i just ... want you to know that you can t-talk to me. ❞

that damn stutter. something was making him anxious ; it was the only logical reason he could think up as to why it would happen , and with ben , of all people. was it because he thought he was being lied to? was it because he sensed the other's own anxiety about his nightmare , or for BARGING into his space? he didn't know. but what he did know was that he wanted ben to understand that he could trust him , that he could talk to him whenever he needed.

@ripdenbrough

He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. There was no excuse for him disrupting his friends' peace of mind for… what? To add to that fear they already lived with daily? To ask questions none of them had answers to? It wasn’t worth it if it brought that hopeless expression back to Bill's face.

"Nothing. Nothing makes me think that," he backtracked quickly, shaking his head, hands held up placatingly despite their uselessness. "It was just a bad dream, that's all." His voice was firmer, like maybe if he believed it he could convince Bill to believe it too, even if Ben wasn't positive he did. He couldn’t tell anymore if that feeling was just fear or something more.

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ THE QUESTION FELT LIKE A BRICK HITTING HIM SQUARE IN THE CHEST, his entire expression falling into that typical distracted , depressed look he had so often adorned when walking the streets of derry , leading up to their final battle. he felt a lump RISING in his throat , and he cleared it dramatically , his eye contact peeling away.

❝ wh-wh-what makes you think it's n-not? ❞ the return of his stutter was the giveaway of his own nerves , ben's question sending his mind back to a place he never thought it'd return to. a place without SECURITY , of losing his memories , of the clown that haunted his childhood.

@ripdenbrough

With as difficult as it was to have all those memories resurfacing, Ben had to wonder if it wasn't the better option to forget. He could never decide if it was better to have that lurking sensation that something was off about his entire life without knowing why, or to have the why waking him up at night.

He considered the question in silence for a moment. None of them particularly liked talking about it, but if the alternative was to end the conversation and go back to bed… no, he didn't think he was ready for that. "Does it feel over to you, Bill? I mean, really over this time?" he said finally.

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ HIS BROWS FURROWED, hearing what the other had just gone through , and his insomnia suddenly didn't feel like the biggest problem in the room. he had to wonder if ben was still experiencing FLASHBACKS of that day , of when they finally defeated IT , or if it had anything to do with sudden memories of their childhood. ❝ yeah , i'm fine ... anything you wanna talk about ... ? ❞

@ripdenbrough

"Yeah. Just a nightmare," he said softly, like there was anything just about the nightmares they had. Could you call it that when it had really happened to them? When it could potentially happen again? He drained half the glass, the water cool on his throat, and leaned against the counter. "Are you okay?"

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ BILL KNEW HE WAS AN INSOMNIAC, and he had been for a while , but that didn't stop the familiar tugs of exhaustion that pulled at his body and his brain. he'd IGNORE the need for sleep , though , until he knew that ben was all right. ❝ ... is ... everything okay ... ? ❞

@ripdenbrough

"Oh, hey. I wasn't expecting anyone to be up." Ben ran a hand through his sleep-tussled hair, socked feet carrying him to the sink to fill a glass of water. "Was asleep. Just… y'know." He was probably going to have nightmares for the rest of his life, and it wasn’t from staying up too late reading Bill's novels.

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ ❝ IT REALLY IS A BIG STEP TO TAKE. owning your image and gaining control over how you put yourself out there is a huge first step. ❞ he remembered when they were eating at jade of the orient , how he had silently agreed with eddie how a lot of the comedian's material was just ... NOT HIM. of course , he had only been able to experience those memories of his friend's personality upon coming back to derry. he had to wonder if richie couldn't own himself because he had been dealing with the same thing as the rest of them , the inability to remember who he was or who he had been. bill knew that feeling all too well , and while it was often frustrating , it also made you feel terrified , miserable , useless. ❝ i look forward to seeing more ' you ' in your future material , if you get what i'm saying. ❞

@ripdenbrough

Richie grinned a little, listening as Bill went on. Though at the question, he blew out a heavy breath. ❝Yeah. I mean, sometimes.❞ Even when he wasn't writing his own stuff, he used to sit down with his team and brainstorm, or at least listen. Richie had recently fired his writer and was sort of having an existential crisis about the next step in his career. The question made him feel a sense of dread and excitement at the same time, because he had been working on his own material again. He just wasn't sure how it was going to go. ❝I'm telling you this in total confidence. I'm currently going back and forth with my manager on how to totally change my image. So maybe I will take a page outta your book and be conserving more writing and planning hours.❞

[ripdenbrough]

┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ✎ . *. ⋆ THE CORNERS OF HIS LIPS CURVED UP IN A SMILE, the first genuine one of the evening. he knew richie liked to sleep in late , and as one of the lucky ones of his group , his job didn't require him to wake up in the WEE HOURS of the morning like most working adults did. ❝ i feel you there , man. i don't like waking up earlier than that and i am in no way a morning person. but i need to conserve as many hours for reading and writing and planning for my next day on set as possible. don't you do that for your own work? ❞

@ripdenbrough

❝Nine is sleeping in? Hell no.❞ Richie exclaimed dramatically, probably a bit too loudly, but who cares? ❝There used to be a time when I didn't see the day before 9 AM unless I'd stayed up the whole night before.❞ Richie had toned it down a little since then. He used to act more like a rockstar than a comedian with his lifestyle. There were late night shows, but Richie went overboard a lot. Not that Bill needed to know all those details. ❝I've maybe grown up a little since then, but I'm not a fucking morning person, dude. Me before 9 is scary.❞