#「 cnvx ┊ march20schedule 」

[rkharu]

「 WHITE DAY(NIGHT)  」

days were busy, preparing for his debut, for the concert and also getting used to the blonde hair. he had gotten more used to it over time, so now it wasn’t an eyesore anymore. jaehyun was also slowly adjusting to the other convex members, not only those in his room, though getting used to hyun was still a hurdle since he had basically been away.

other than that, there was one thing lingering in his mine-- it had been lingering in his thoughts ever since he and juhee ( @rkjuhee​ ) had properly made up. it was a task for him to realize it as well, as he thought it wasn’t the most ideal situation but he ha eventually come to terms with it. jaehyun being jaehyun wasn’t the best at keeping something like this to himself-- his feelings, while learning the lyrics to pretty u, aju nice and boomboom but now also the new songs that would be on the mini-album. especially pinwheel and smile flower.

jaehyun had come to realize his own feelings for juhee, his best friend-- though for once he had contemplated for a while before he had decided on what he would and should to-- ‘ it will burden her, ’ was his first thought, he knew her that well but he also knew that with his feelings their friendship would change and he didn’t want to have to avoid or ignore juhee.

earlier in the day he had texted jiwon, asking her if she would be fine with meeting up-- he’d be at their regular spot by the swings. now-- now he was waiting for her, with a beanie on to hide his new hair-- he didn’t want too many things to startle her at once, she was sure one surprise would be more than enough. 

[rkharu]

「 📞 ━━━━━━━  missed call call from ‘ 아버지  ’ 」 

「 📞 ━━━━━━━  ( 1 ) voice message from ‘ 아버지 ’ 」

when he looked at his phone he wasn’t sure what he should be feeling at that moment the firt feeling was dread-- his father had called him and he hadn’t picked up ( because he was busy with practice ). thankfully he hadn’t been able to pick up because he knew he would have taken the call-- then most likely gotten yelled at, for bringing shame.

jaehyun’s father had left him a message-- a voice message and he was hesitant, there weren’t many things that jaehyun was hesitant about in his life but this was one of those things. when becoming a trainee a year ago, he hadn’t thought of what would happen if he debuted. back then, when he signed the contract with kt-- he hadn’t thought this far, it’s not even been a year and here he is... debuting, his teaser release and he wasn’t sure how everyone else’s families reacted when they debuted.

where they happy? proud? excited?

all he knew was that his dad would be anything but those three things-- after all his father had plans for him ( but only after taeyang’s injury ), those plans he crushed when he said he quit volleyball to study. yet he didn’t even go to university, he got accepted yes... but he dropped out when he got the offer to become a trainee for kt.

now a year later, he was debuting-- it was like he could hear his father’s voice.

resting his back against the wall in the practice room, he waited for everyone to leave and when he was alone, he opened the missed voice message.

               “ lee jaehyun . ”

he hadn’t heard his father’s voice in over a year but he still recognized it, it was the same voice that had coached him for all those years, how could he forget ?

" i didn’t want to believe it when i heard it but then i also saw it, kim minjun showed me... your ‘teaser’...” the disgust in his voice was evident, it felt like a needle was stuck into his chest-- he needed to remember to breathe, “... is this why you quit volleyball? not for school? but to become an idol ? you went to chase after this fantasy and threw away a career to stoop so low as to become an entertainer ?  idols live trashy lifestyles-- but i guess that suits trash like yourself! ”

trash. it wasn’t a nickname he was unfamiliar with, it was after all the nickname taeyang ( @rktaeyang ) had used to call him, many times when growing up but this was the first time his dad had called him that. in the background, he swears he could hear his mother’s voice telling his father to calm down but to avail.

“ don’t bother coming home, i don’t need a son like you. ”

then it disconnects.

jaehyun is left there, his eyes in a haze as he fights the tears that want to form in the corners of his eyes. no, he will not let himself cry-- this wouldn’t have made him cry in the past but over the past year, he had become more vulnerable than he had ever been before. 

he resists the urge to text juhee ( @rkjuhee ), he had already burdened her enough these past couple of months and she didn’t need to worry her pretty little head about this. maybe he should text taeyang... and say what exactly? all of a sudden an overwhelming feeling of loneliness comes over him as he sits there alone in the practice room, half wishing someone would walk in but at the same time wishing and hoping that no one would see him like this.

in his daze there was one thing that jaehyun failed to notice in the mids of everything, it was the practice door that was slightly opened.

[rkharu]

「 EXHAUSTION  」

it was hitting him-- even with his stamina, all the practicing and preparing was starting to take its toll.  he couldn’t really understand why-- he used to be a professional athlete but then again he hadn’t played volleyball for over a year. 

when jaehyun got back to the dorm he was in a half-asleep state, longing to get to his bed and aimlessly he walked, a route he thought he knew by now-- his head was filled with the different things, first of all.... he would go to a hair salon in the morning, he was going blonde and that was making him worried, especially because he had never bleached or colored his hair before. then there was the fact that he’d be shooting his teaser, his brain was filled with too much information. 

when jaehyun finally entered his room he quickly found his bed and slumped down into it, headfirst into the pillow-- he didn’t notice anything, how the room was decorated differently or the scents were different... he was too tired.

@seungcheolrk

[rkharu]

「 I’M FINE  」

like a lost little puppy he walked around the ground so the set of the music bank spring concert-- his nervousness had built up on the car ride over and he was sure he had gone to the toilet at four different occasions-- within a short time frame as well, he was making sure that he wouldn’t be late to go on stage but he felt nervous, this was going to be his first public performance.

when jaehyun excited the toilet he felt a little aimless-- for a moment he didn’t pay complete attention and when he came back to it the wall was already in front of his face and the next moment, he hit it. not hard or anything but it was enough for him to feel it.

the embarrassment he felt was immense, he hoped that no one had seen him but when he turns his head to the side he spots an unfamiliar face-- a black haired male ( @rkwon ), staring at him looking puzzled and confused, and immediately jaehyun wanted to stick his head into the ground.

[rkharu]

「 all around me are familiar faces  」

“   the thing that scares us the most is when familiar things                        operate in unfamiliar ways.  ”

it was here, march 27th, they are at the special concert that convex had been invited to perform at the music bank concert. it would be all the new members first public appearance as convex, it wasn't only them there while waiting backstage he saw other groups as well. most notably he saw and*roma because there juhee ( @rkjuhee​  ) was, looking a little lost like she always does but recently these traits of her had become cuter and cuter to him.

his mind felt a mess,  there was also per_se not far from where jaehyun was standing and in that group he knew haknyeon.

there were so many familiar faces, changmin and juyeon he had gotten used to over the last two months but this would be the new normal for him. seeing familiar people, in unfamiliar situations until these situations became familiar to him as well. there was something overwhelming about it and before he knew, it was their turn to go on stage and all at once he heard the screams of convex' fans. it felt like a vacuum sucking him in but before he was completely gone in the corner of his eye he spotted juhee, his breathing slowed down and eventually he felt calm.

with her it had always been like this, peaceful-- quiet, just right. maybe he had been a fool for not noticing it sooner-- this feeling felt both familiar and unfamiliar.

when they were about to go on stage, jaehyun walked passed her and in the split moment they walked by each other he glanced down at her, a small smile of confidence could be seen if you were close enough, "wish me luck," he told her before walking onto the stage his head held high as he takes his starting position for aju nice first. jaehyun had stayed up for so many nights just practicing for this moment, the music started and he could hear cheol's voice in his earpieces counting-- then on the correct beat he started singing, ' 아침엔 ~ ', in this moment he was full of confidence, the rest of the performance ( at least on his end ) went well, he managed to perform, give enough power to the dance moves. during his performance he kept eye contact with the cameras that seemed to be focusing on him, when they weren't he looked straight ahead with a smile especially during the chorus, his dance moves sharp when they needed to be, everything was going better than he had expected.

then it was all over, in the blink of an eye.

[rkharu]

       「 blondes have more fun?  」

                  “  i am in my blonde period right now.  ”

when the announcement of his new hair color was dawning on him, it was already too late for him to resist. early in the morning, he was sitting half-asleep in the hair stylist’s chair, watching as his hair ( that he had never colored in his life ) was going brighter and brighter. eventually, it was a slightly ashy blonde, or was it more dirty blonde? with a slight yellow undertone but he honestly couldn't tell the difference.

his hair was blonde, that was the main point ( issue ).

they weren't done fixing up his hair, cutting it and styling it slightly-- he had gotten his hair cut before but bleaching it... ' will it fall off? ' he had read all kinds of horror stories the night before and couldn't help but to be worried. so far, it seemed to be staying intact and he looked over at the other members, noticing that some of the others also got new hair colors. however, sehun's ( @rkohsehun​ ) new style must be the most ambitious one-- ' like cotton candy... ' he turned to look back at his own reflection, he couldn't get used to it and shook his head, letting his fingers run through his new golden hair. it would for sure take him time to get adjusted to it.

this would be his new everyday hair color, he wasn't sure if he liked it or not but he had been told not to cover it up, it could mess up the style especially since they were going on a filming location.

for their teasers.

the reality of his situation was slowly sinking in, he was going to be debuting... in march, at a concert and the first everyone will see of him will be him as a blonde.

while sitting in the car to the filming location he couldn't help but look at his own reflection ( not because he was self-obsessed), he wanted to get used to the blonde as soon as possible. however, in the corner of he caught sehun's hair and without even realizing it he reached out to feel it, "it is real... your hair looks like cotton candy hyung."

[rkharu]

●  MARCH 2020┊「 UPDATES 」

「 PRE DEBUT & PSYCHE 」

the month has been filled with practice, he found it hard to actually focus on one thing each day and couldn’t schedule things as easily as he had in february but despite the chaos he managed to record his lines for the new album & practice his lines for aju nice.

one thing that weighed on his chest was his lines for both aju nice and boomboom, he had gotten the lines that the previous main vocal jinki, had sung and now he felt pressured because he wondered if he could actually pull them off but thanks to @rkxroyal​ he finds some solace. taeyong took care of the adlibs, so it wasn’t too bad and when he got used to it he managed to deliver his lines without feeling pressured, they were his lines now.

mentally he didn’t think he was ready but once there, jaehyun found himself confident despite himself and so when he was on stage he oozed with confidence.

━「 idol trivia 」

schedule ┊ 「 cnvx ┊ march20schedule 」  

eats lunch with ┊ himself or with a convex member

focus┊

recoding lines for new album ; pretty u, lucky, pinwheel & smile flower

practicing the lines for aju nice & boomboom

achievements ┊

melisma ( 1 time ⇢ nov )

acting ( 9 times ⇢ int )

high notes ( 11 times ⇢ int )

milestones┊

reached 150 points in singing

days in convex ┊56 ( 0205 ⇢ 0401 )

debut points ┊ 112

「 schedules 」

in march the schedules had him a little overwhelmed, it took a little while for it to sink in that he would be performing on stage in front of many people and that he would be opening aju nice. when that sank in he hyper-focused on doing that well.

other than that he found it interested to be apart of @rktaeyxng​‘s teaser and even filming his own teaser.

he’s even gotten used to the blonde hair now-- he no longer feels like he’s looking at a stranger in the mirror.

recording the songs for the new mini-album helped him actually realize that wow he was debuting-- overall his favorite songs on the album is: pretty u, smile flower and pinwheel.

「 relationships 」

thought out this month jaehyun has worked towards getting closer to the other convex members, especially his roommate @rkhyun​ -- they, however, had an interesting first meeting.

there was also moment where jaehyun accidentally fell asleep in @seungcheolrk​‘s bed after having practiced a little too hard for his own good.

the elephant in the room, @rkjuhee​, after making up with juhee in february jaehyun couldn’t shake a feeling off his chest. feelings for juhee. so on white day ( as appropriate as the date is ) he texted her to come out knowing full well that what he was about to do would make her flustered and stressed, he knew that it was better to get it off his chest. he doesn’t expect her to return his feelings either but he confessed, that he has feelings for her.

after that night he manages to act more than normal and on the day of the music bank spring concert when he sees her for the first time, he actually smiles at her despite her not having given him a proper answer.

he also meets @rkwon​ when he is lost.

「 misc 」

songs of march ┊

convex

pretty u, aju nice, boomboom, pinwheel, smile flower

other

unit black - loveshot

food ┊fried chicken

movies ┊ none, what is it time

relationship status ┊ feeling some things

new threads vs.  old threads ┊3 vs 5 ( 8 threads )

「 important dates in april 」

0406 ┊ pretty u, music video filming

0408 ┊ pretty u, dance practice recording

0422 ┊ knowing brothers filming

042? ┊ comeback showcase

0428 - 0503 ┊ debut stages ( entire week )