#⤷ spencer r.【 ❝ yes i’m a genius. ❞ 】headcanons.

[movedyoakkemae]

there  was  a  moment  where  spencer  almost  picked  up  smoking  once  ,  when  his  hands  were  shaking  so  bad  and  he  needed  a  different  type  of  poison.  it  would  be  easier  to  get  rather  than  finding  his  own  bottles  of  his  drug  of  choice  ,  just  a  walk  into  a  gas  station  ,  buying  his  mother’s  favourite  brand  of  cigarettes  because  at  least  that  way  ,  he’d  associate  smoking  with  that  smell  and  that  fear  that  his  mother  was  going  to  kill  herself  slowly  and  he’d  never  see  her  again.  (  little  did  he  know  ...  ).  

he  didn’t  ,  of  course  ,  grab  cigarettes  ,  and  he  hadn’t  returned  to  stronger  drugs  either.  instead  ,  he  tied  his  shoes  and  he  ran.  longer  than  the  daily  run  he  forces  himself  to  partake  in  ,  longer  than  however  much  he  ends  up  running  in  a  week.  but  ,  by  the  end  of  it  ,  he  runs  and  runs  and  returns  home  shaking  but  in  a  different  way.

funny  that.  he  always  seems  to  return  to  running  away  from  his  problems  ,  this  time  ,  it’s  just  more  physical  than  usual.

[yoakkemae-moved]

re: that last ask. I do have quite a lot of ships for Spencer, and in regards to those that I’m currently writing/plotting out with partners, they are: 

@/tiimelost‘s c.lara o.swald. 

and eventually @/florcntissimae‘s e.mily p.rentiss whenever ash finally finishes criminal minds *sobs*. 

@/memoryfaded‘s m.aeve d.onovan. 

@/hlyrlrs‘s l.ila a.rcher.

@/holmesdepot‘s entire list of criminal minds bau characters except hotch. kind of. sort of. (does it count as ships when we did one crack thread with each of them that implies they’re in a relationship for the meme^tm?) 

@/asoulofstars‘s austin on their multi. 

@/cauterizedfear‘s j.emma s.immons. 

@/siapsymud’s l.uke a,lvez.

In regards to who I ship with Spencer that I am not currently writing/plotting out, I do ship Spencer x Elle, Spencer x Ethan, Spencer x Stephen, Spencer x J.J. x Penelope, and Spencer x Derek x Emily. I could also ship Spencer x Matt & Spencer x Tara; although, my preference for those two will be platonic. Spencer x Ethan & Spencer x Stephen are important relationships to my Spencer’s background, also, so while I don’t technically “write” them, they definitely exist for my interpretation of Spencer. 

I would say that my two biggest “no-no” ships for Spencer would be Spencer x A.lex B.lake and Spencer x Gideon. I will only write Spencer x Rossi with Holmes’s Rossi because I trust Holmes implicitly and know that there would be nothing skeevy there (but also we’ve done, like, one crack thread, and that was just for the meme^tm, so I don’t even think that really counts as a ship or not [I’d have to talk to Holmes about that].)

tl;dr: i’m ship trash. 

[movedyoakkemae]

spencer & relationships & kids.

While my Spencer isn’t quite the loner as canon marks him out to be (having been in a relationship with quite a few more people -- male and female), Spencer has still always assumed that he would die alone. Not in the “we all die alone” way, but because of fear of his potential pending schizophrenic break and his abandonment issues (which he studiously ignores...). As such, the ideas of raising a family has never really come to mind until Henry was born. 

With Henry, Spencer was an uncle and godfather figure, and it made him realise just how much he actually likes interacting with (some) children. It made him wonder what it would be like to raise children of his own, but one thing that he has unconsciously always been aware of is that he would not want any biological children. ( tw // mental health ) The fact that there is even a chance that his mother’s schizophrenia could be passed down... (This isn’t to say that he doesn’t love his mother or doesn’t advocate heavily for schizophrenic rights, especially with how the media portrays schizophrenic people. However, he also knows that it can be a heavy burden, and he does not want to make anything harder for any future children of his). It’s not only because of his mother’s schizophrenia, however; his depression plays a role in it too, and he also doesn’t want to pass down any potential mental health issues for his children. ( end tw // mental health )

It also doesn’t help that Spencer... worries, sometimes. Worries that he’d turn into his father and that he’d leave at the first sign of struggle. After all, Spencer has always been good at running. 

Thus, Spencer realised that he wanted to foster or adopt if he ever decided to settle down and hope that his partner would understand. 

And then, several years later, he met Maeve. (Specifically talking about Birdie’s portrayal of Maeve ( @memoryfaded ) here): Maeve, who had her own issues with motherhood, who shared similar thoughts about adoption/fostering, but mainly if she found someone that needed her, and it was a relief, really, to find someone who understood. And so, he started hoping, just a little, even before he had ever met her in person (because she was already the love of his life), for their family, started imaging how life would go. 

... And then Maeve was killed, and the image of family and what that would mean died along with her ( as well as Spencer’s heart ). Spencer had held so tightly to that image of family with Maeve that... it felt impossible for him to be a family with anyone else. So, he just let that dream go and decided that he would just always be a godfather/uncle figure to any children in his friends’ lives. 

This slightly differs in his Doctor Who verse with Clara ( @tiimelost ), where after they get serious enough to talk about Clara moving in with him to America, they do talk about the potential for marriage and also how they want children in their lives, and Spencer admits that he’d always picture him having a family with Maeve, and it’s hard to let go of that image, but even if they did decide to have children, he’d want to adopt, and Clara was understanding about the desire for adoption over biological children and shared similar pain about the image of family. They probably would eventually get married and adopt children, but that hasn’t been written out yet. 

In other verses where Spencer has a serious relationship with someone after Maeve, it would honestly depend on the relationship and how much the other person wants children. Spencer is probably not going to budge on the biological children aspect, but he’d maybe open up the idea to having a family that wasn’t with Maeve depending on his partner. 

[movedyoakkemae]

notes for spencer’s white collar au verse that i really should have written down somewhere: 

spencer joins the bau through gideon’s headhunting as per canon. unlike canon, ethan doesn’t join the fbi and then leave a day into training, but he sticks around as spencer’s boyfriend and the two of them continue to date. after a bit of time on the job, spencer starts getting nightmares, and after a really bad nightmare a year into joining the bau (but before the explosion), ethan is really worried about spencer and they have a serious conversation about spencer, his career, and their future. spencer decides to quit the bau and ends up joining the white collar division. 

in about a year, spencer wasn’t the head of the division, but he was essentially as good as, even if he didn’t have the official title. it was when he was quasi-running the division that maeve donovan’s case ( @memoryfaded ) fell into his caseload, and unlike other criminals who took maybe a week at most to find and figure out, spencer and maeve battled wits for two years. 

he and ethan are still together, and by 27, he is actually the head agent of the white collar division (basically, he’s in peter’s position). 

[movedyoakkemae]

WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE ?

                                                 spencer reid.

lavender.

key words: pure, affectionate, innocent. 

your love is the love of childhood crushes, secrets told in the dark between two best friends and long car trips with your favourite sibling. you’re a sweet person with a soft heart and a gentle way of showing your affection. a pure, idealistic love, yours is the love of intertwined pinkies, butterfly kisses, and rubbing noses.

best matched with: fern, canary.

                                                 martha jones.

scarlet.

key words: passion, intense, flames.

a love that lights you on fire. you don't do anything by halves, and this is doubly true when it comes to love. you're an incredibly intense and complex person. your ideal partner is somebody who can match your intensity and feed the flame that keeps you interested in things. most likely to be great in bed and to break hearts without meaning to, you've probably had few 'casual' relationships and tend to love with your whole heart.

best matched with: scarlet, mulberry, peacock.

tagged by: @lacedmagic & @apricifate​ thank you loves.  tagging: if you’re reading this, your tagged. 

[movedyoakkemae]

spencer & “crash”. // rewrite.

notice: i have done a lot of research, but i have never had any personal experience with schizophrenia or interacting with someone with schizophrenia at all (i think). if any of this is inaccurate, and you feel the need to reach out to me, i will donate five dollars to any charity of your choice. you will not have to educate me for free. 

mentions of canonical child abuse, mental illness ( schizophrenia, depression ).

in season twelve, we are told that diana gave spencer the nickname “crash” because of how he used to always bump into things, but it’s heavily implied through context of the scene that it’s because she used to hit spencer during her delusions and forgot about it later. i... find that truly abhorrent for a couple of reasons, and thus that will not be canon to my spencer. 

when diana had her delusions brought on by schizophrenia, spencer was often brought with her into the delusions as someone she must protect. occasionally, she would leave bruises, but it wouldn’t be because she’d hit him, it would be because she was grasping his arm/shoulder/wrist too hard and didn’t want to let go in fear of losing him. after the first few times this happened, if spencer could mitigate that by having her clutch onto his hand, he would and that stopped most of the bruising.

for the most part, diana’s schizophrenia made her depressed (anhedonia, asociality, and  avolition), and she had delusions against the government and its purpose. however, she very rarely lashed out, and there have only been a few times where her delusions drove her to either flee the house (with spencer in tow) or do something drastic like rip out the phone or black out her windows. she was never violent, not to herself or to spencer.  

when spencer went to college and thus wasn’t with his mother full-time, he took trips over the weekends to see her and made sure that she was alright during the week. diana’s brother did, whenever spencer pleaded him to, sometimes visit diana during the week, but that wasn’t very often and only if diana missed any calls to check in for a period of three days. 

however, as spencer got older, diana’s apathy towards her own well-being got worse, and it wasn’t until spencer was eighteen that he applied for the power of attorney/healthcare proxy over his mother and received it. it was then he put diana in the best sanatorium in las vegas he could find and went into several local casinos in california (where the legal age to gamble was 18) and won upwards a few hundred thousand dollars (which got him banned) that went into diana’s care in particular. 

tl;dr: diana never hit spencer, and it’s insulting that they wrote a schizophrenic parent doing that in season twelve when there was literally no hint of that ever at all in any of the previous seasons. 

[movedyoakkemae]

what  color  are  you  ?

spencer  reid  got  ...

                                                                ...  grey.

repression  tastes  like  chalk.  you  build  yourself  a  lighthouse  and  haunt  the  stairwell  all  on  your  own  --  you  think  it’s  funny.  you  are  angry  ,  and  tired  ,  and  people  want  so  much  from  you  but  never  listen  when  you  speak.  don’t  be  petty  --  keep  talking.  i  will  listen.

[yoakkemae-moved]

i think about the day of the dead celebration the cm characters had sometimes, how both spence and hotch just quietly added their loved ones who died ( and the fact that hotch always carries a photo of haley with him in his wallet ! ) to the alter. spencer had to deflect a little by adding and talking about nikolai tesla, but, y’know. 

also the fact that the picture of maeve ? clearly wasn’t a photo that spencer took but a professional photo, maybe from her passport. because spencer doesn’t have any candid photos of her, didn’t get to see her face-to-face except on the day that she was murdered. he never got the chance to take a photo of her looking at something else and smile, never got the chance to just hold her in his arms. 

[yoakkemae-moved]

Ugly mobile hc, but Spence knows how to cut hair and has since he was a child. He cuts his own hair a lot.

[yoakkemae-moved]

@asoulofstars asked: Spencer + Sexuality (since I know Spence/Ethan is a big thing for your Spencer, I am curious about how he feels about his sexuality as a whole and also sexuality in general.)

many people throughout spencer’s lifetime have assumed that he was gay due to his appearance. part of that perpetuated the bullying spencer faced, particularly from leos and other fbi agents. spencer is also well aware that the team thinks of him as asexual -- or, at least, someone who is not typically interested in sex because they assume he’s never had it (although, the team used to occasionally crack lila jokes, but spencer doesn’t think it’s because they thought he slept with her -- which he did, and did not share with the team, btw). 

spencer hadn’t always explicitly known he was bisexual until he came across the word in his readings (william had left too early to give him the talk, no one wanted to give the kid not even in his teen sex-ed, and his mother had only talked of romance, not sex), and he realised that was an easy label to describe himself so that people could put him in a box, like “genius”. 

spencer’s type across all gender seems to be intelligent and not minding/being accepting of how he is, and that’s what he looks for in a partner, but spencer isn’t immune to physically beautiful people, especially if they’re in purple (re: flirting back to a gorgeous woman with his eyebrows and a smile despite being in the middle of a case, essentially any time he’s flirted with someone on a case). 

he’s not exactly out to the team, partially because gideon warned him about law enforcement, and also because spencer is an inherently private individual who doesn’t want anyone to know about the various dates and people he’s slept with throughout the years. he knows that the team wouldn’t judge him for his sexuality, but it’s hard to come out after keeping it a secret for so long.

[yoakkemae-moved]

Spencer open carries when he’s on the job ( as in, he has his gun out on his hip ), but when he’s not on the job, he still does carry a weapon, it’s just more subtle; either in his bag or in an area where his gun is easier to hide. This is because it’s required for ALL FBI AGENTS to be armed at ALL TIMES ( assuming, of course, they follow proper procedure ). As he’s the only one who lives at home, he doesn’t have a gun safe ( it’s usually in his bag or, when he’s asleep, it’s in a bedside drawer for easy access ). When his mother moved in for that brief period of time in season twelve, he bought a gun safe and kept it in there when he was at home. 

[yoakkemae-moved]

Part of the reason why Spencer doesn’t have a computer at home is because of the Tobias Hankel case ( where he -- well, his father, technically -- spied on people using their webcams on their computers without them knowing ), and another part of it is because he’s gotten used to using archaic or no technology just from living with his mother alone for so long. I’m sure some of her delusions were that the government was spying on them through their technology ( which is also why spencer and diana communicate via letters ). 

[yoakkemae-moved]

talk to me more about spence and the doc 🔫🔫🔫

send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on.

Spencer’s just finished his PHD in mathematics and comes back from visiting his mother over the weekend, and he notices something... weird happening around campus, particularly with those in the maths and chemistry community. Spencer, sixteen and still skinny and tall but has been taking up running since he joined college and met Ethan, tries to figure out what’s been happening because he’s always been too curious for his own good, and, of course, when there’s aliens involved, there’s the Doctor. 

By the time he meets the Doctor, however, Spencer’s gotten it mostly figured out, realised the existence of aliens and the fact that they were using the professors and the students as brain sources to figure out something, he just doesn’t know what yet. The Doctor, interested in how this human adolescence managed to figure things out that would stump men thrice his age decides to make him an offer after they work together to stop the aliens: travel with him, learn about anything and everything his mind could think of. 

Spencer wants to accept, but knows he can’t because of his mother -- can’t disappear for long stretches of time. He doesn’t say this to the Doctor ( can’t mention it to anyone ), mentioning more of the fact that he’s in the midst of working towards his second PHD -- he can’t just leave. The Doctor just smiles, shows Spencer that it’s a time machine, and away they go. 

They travel together for six months, and while there is always danger, there is always learning too. Spencer learns all that he can about everything that he can -- not quite reaching the Doctor’s amount of knowledge ( he probably never would ), but anything the Doctor teaches him and shows him, he absorbs. This becomes Spencer’s standard when it comes to mentors ( Gideon, later ) -- he watches, he learns, he absorbs. 

Spencer is entirely pragmatic, however, knows that he can’t be gone from his timeline for too long. It would be too jarring as it is, being six months older than he should be in his present day. Anything more -- a year, two ? Coming back as an adult ? No, he knew that his time was going to be up in half-a-year. 

He tells the Doctor to come visit him at any time because Spencer likes not being the smartest person in the room sometimes, but it would be eighteen years, three months, and twenty-two days before they see each other again. 

[yoakkemae-moved]

anonymous asked: spencer & autism. [meta prompts.] 

disclaimer: (i’m pretty sure) i do not have autism, and so while i have done research, if there is anything that i say that sounds insulting/ignorant, please let me know, and i will donate five dollars to a charity of your choice. you will not have to educate me for free.

let me precede this with that i do not headcanon spencer to be autistic for reasons outlined in this post. i am fully aware this is an uncommon stance to take, but it is my take. if you do not like it, i’m sorry about that. 

that being said, spencer was tested for autism by the order of william reid when he was younger, and he was found to not be on the spectrum. he also got tested before he joined the fbi academy and was not found to be on the spectrum. a lot of his “quirks” that people mistake for autism comes from growing up the way he did and having the brain that he does. 

the team in general probably assumes that spencer has autism (aside from gideon, hotch, and later emily, as all three of them had access to his fbi file and therefore the test results -- emily only having access when she became unit chief). spencer knows that the team has these conceived notions of him, but his desire to not talk about his personal life caused him not to say anything, especially since he doesn’t think it’s an insult to be assumed autistic. if they tell someone else he does have autism when he’s in ear-shot, he will correct the misinformation because he corrects misinformation on instinct (it’s how the team finds out he has more than three phds, later down the road). 

he can empathise with people with autism (re: sammy), and he’s entirely understanding about anything that needs to be done to make people feel comfortable in general, so it’s not a stretch for him to be completely understanding with people with autism. 

tl;dr: my spencer isn’t autistic, but people think he is, and he’s not offended by that. 

[yoakkemae-moved]

Spencer has legally had power of attorney for his mother since he was eighteen even though he's been taking care of the household ever since his dad abandoned them.

Also, Gideon was Spencer's medical proxy for the FBI until he left, and it took a couple of months for Spencer to ask Hotch to be it instead because he wasn't quite sure he wanted to ask Hotch (or, really, anyone).

Ofc, when Hotch left, he asked Emily instead.

[yoakkemae-moved]

Spencer watches every single one of Lila's shows and movies, even years down the road. Once in a while, if Spencer has downtime and is in LA, he'll be her date to a premiere.