#❪ ⋅ ◈ ⋆ — if stupidity were a 14th century disease / i would be the little rat┊❛ ooc ❜ ❫ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weasleycream · 5 months ago

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I'm glad I'm the first to have a request. And I can say it was very good. And so I have another one from another franchise. hazbin hotel charlie x male reader

Y/N is called the plague king. He is literally rotting under the mask because of the gas mask. He carries a canister of poison gas on his back connected to his "plague rifle". He is the only one who can travel between the circles of hell thanks to the magic he stole from Lucifer. The Ovelords hate him because he won't submit to their rules, so he destroys their property and steals their equipment. But Y/N hates Lute the most. He dated her when he was alive. He didn't know she was an angel in disguise. Charlotte's in the middle of all this, and she has to find a way to keep the peace and keep Y/N from doing something stupid to start a war.

>ㅅ< God, you have a great imagination, and I'm glad you liked your first request! I hope you like this one too <3

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ୭.ᰍㅤ𝅄 ֹ " 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐨𝐭 " 🎀 Ⳋ

ઈઉ ㅤִㅤ𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 ; 𝒞harlie 𝓜orningstar x 𝒯he 𝒫lague!𝓜ale!𝓡eader

ઈઉ ݁ ㅤִㅤ𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ; Use of bad words, mentions of death/blood/scars, mentions of the disease The Plague/Black Death, mentions of weapons, mentions of religious/atheist/satanic beliefs, mention of hell/heaven, bad English grammar.

ઈઉ ㅤִㅤIn this One-Shot Charlie and Vaggie have the same sexuality from the canon, but they are not a couple. Also, Lute will have already died by the 14th century and was already a trusted exterminator of Adam.

ઈઉ ㅤִㅤ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 ; 4.1k+

ઈઉ ㅤִㅤ𝗨𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱.

Adjusting his mask again to prevent it from falling and revealing the putrid, hanging skin in pieces from his face, he continued carrying his rifle and tank attached to his back to avoid unwanted accidents with his poisonous gas. The demon walked patiently with his hands in the pockets of his thin and worn trench coat, heading to the ring of sinners, where he was going to temporarily settle after having caused endless disasters in the ring of greed.

He was aware that there would soon be an extermination sooner than planned, they had announced it a few months ago and it appeared on every poster and screen in hell as the most popular novelty so far 'Heaven announces that the annual extermination has been brought forward and now we will have 6 months of fornication instead of a year' just reading those idiotic things about heaven made him laugh internally.

[Well… Maybe if that Princess is really willing to help, maybe she wouldn't mind lending me a room for a few months…] He thought with mockery in his eyes, reaching the border between rings, passing until he reached his destination. Everything there smelled filthy, there was blood everywhere and organs and even bodies flying from one side to the other as if they were ordinary baseballs, that smell of death that made him smile so much. He advanced, feeling how several fearful and hateful glances were directed towards him as he passed through the stinking and dirty streets of hell, he even passed through the best-known street of prostitution and technology in hell, by the VVV building, where Valentino along with Vox came out talking, who, upon seeing him, made a grimace of displeasure and hatred, one clenching his teeth and the other distorting his right eye.

Before leaving those streets full of nudity and moans, he stuck out his finger at them with a mocking smile at the faces of total annoyance he received. He was not at all liked by the Overlords, not even by Rosie, which did not benefit him but did not displease him either… Let's say that he was someone 'alive and free' enough to follow the orders of idiots who played at being the leaders of the hell.

He finally arrived at the Hotel after crossing the creaking metal doors and climbing that hill that ended in a safe fall to double Olympus. He knocked on the door and waited patiently for them to open the door, listening to the hurried footsteps towards it, he moved back a little in case the door opened outwards, when the door opened he did not see anyone at whom he lowered his gaze, raising a eyebrow, frowning in confusion, being surprised to see a little girl with red hair with only one huge, dilated yellow eye looking at him with a big, sharp smile.

"Wow! I didn't expect that Alastor's lackeys wanted to redeem themselves, if I had known that I would have gone to a less pathetic place" He snapped with a cruel laugh and then pushed the short woman by the head to get past her, ignoring the look she gave him. of hatred and indignation. "Well? Is the princess here? I need to talk to her personally"

"Yes! She's here, but I don't think she wants to talk to a huge piece of shit that smells like a sewer with no manners." The little girl snorted, leaving the empty reception room towards who knows where. He walked a little further inside, seeing the living room full of red with white and gold details, seeing on his side a kind of waiting room with three armchairs and a small old television, he walked over and sat on one of the seats to take out his rifle and then extract a small worn cloth from his pocket and begin to polish the length of his weapon.

They heard each other rushing down the stairs that were in front of the door upon entering, he turned his eyes slightly while still cleaning his rifle, finding a pale blonde in a red suit talking about something quite enthusiastically and with seemingly endless energy, and behind her a gray demon with a giant red 'X' in her right eye covered in hair and of considerably short height compared to that of her companion.

He let out a loud gas mask snort when these two figures stood in front of him, the one in the red suit raised his hand somewhat nervously at the surprised and angry look of the grayish one when they saw him in detail. "Yes… Uh… Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! How can we help you? You… Plague King…"

He raised her head still without responding to her greeting, staring at her, he had to admit that her blonde was really cute and adorable, her innocent and bright eyes gave her an unmatched beauty along with her long blonde hair tied up in a neat way. delicate and neat. "Nice… You must be the great Charlie, or am I wrong? And your dear assistant… Well, she doesn't matter at all, so don't even bother introducing her."

"This is Vaggie, my assistant and best friend." He stupidly ignored, introducing his friend, lowering his hand, which was immediately taken by him before he could move it away completely, and then bowed slightly in an apparent bow, pretending to leave a kiss on the back of her. his hand through the mask, caressing his hand with his cold, calloused thumb as he passed.

"And I'm Charlie Morningstar… And yes… That's me, what do you need?" She asked insistently pushing his hand away from her gently as she gave him a nervous and somewhat awkward smile. "I understand you want to talk to me about something Niffty notified me about, right?"

"Yes, it is like that, but I would like it to be private if that's okay with you… Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything to you in your own hotel, after all I have no reason" He said sternly after Vaggie took the thin doll of the blonde and abruptly pushed her back.

"I'm not going to let you do anything to him, you insatiable idiot! Whatever you have to say to him, you'll do it with me here" she growled angrily at him, glaring at him.

"Don't worry, Vaggie… If you want to do it in private, you must be right… I won't let you touch me or get too close…" He whispered to reassure the white-haired girl, taking her shoulder and giving her an encouraging smile, only to receive a look. insecure and distrustful, and then a nod from him.

The shorter one, before leaving, once again gave a look of hatred to the man in black and elegant but worn clothes, and then left the room, going up the stairs again.

The masked man made a sound of satisfaction and directed his eyes again to the hotel princess to speak: "Well, now that we are in total privacy, I come to offer you something. How about you give me a free stay, in exchange for keeping me completely clean of murders and illegal things for the period in which I stayed here? Of course! I'm not looking for redemption, it's stupid, but I know you won't let me live here like nothing if I continue doing my things… At least I have to. "I have to do something to make you accept it… Which I don't think anyone will like!" She negotiated as she pulled the woman's arm making her sit next to him for a more 'comfortable' conversation, making knee to knee, making for a magnetic and strangely pleasurable friction.

"I Uhmm… I don't know, I'd have to talk to Vaggie and Al about that-" She was abruptly interrupted by a calloused finger in front of her thin lips, silencing her from shock and fear that he had done something to her.

"This is supposed to be your hotel, isn't it, dear?" The blonde nodded still silently "So, you shouldn't let those who are your… Friends control things that you can do without help, because I see that you are capable enough to achieve many things on your own, pretty girl. But "If you let everyone come after you because of your intolerable kindness, Oh, believe me, you're not going to get anywhere."

He left a thinking blonde next to him while he got up from the chair, cutting off that slight contact of her knees to take his rifle again and carry it on his back and move towards the exit of the building. "If you seem interested, look for me, I'll be in the worst place you can think of for a business meeting" and he left through the tempered glass doors making a dull noise with the clash of doors, leaving behind him a flashy hotel, and inside of this, a confused future monarch, analyzing his words looking for a lie that she was not going to find.

Six days passed for the blonde to think and analyze the proposal and words that the Plague King gave her, she looked for him in the place he had mentioned before leaving 'The worst place to do business', and what worse place to negotiate than not in the gambling and drinking streets around the VVV building? He headed there, searching every casino and bar, finding the worst one, where everyone was constantly entering and leaving, some with a triumphant and victorious smile, and others with lost gazes full of fear and disappointment for themselves. by losing money, and even their souls.

He had entered that neglected but striking place, allowing the smell of drugs, sex, alcohol and the dripping blood of inert bodies to enter his nostrils, holding back with all his might the tears and vomiting due to the amount of strong odors. He saw him at one of the several bars in the place, drinking what appeared to be a striking red cocktail that faded to a wine red as it went down the length of the glass, decorated with a cherry and dried petals of roses.

"Uhm… Plague Lord?… Can we talk?" She touched his shoulder timidly, drawing his attention and requesting the conversation in an embarrassing manner, feeling the blush run through her chubby cheeks (which according to her, Thank God was not so noticeable thanks to the darkness of the place and the natural marks on her face) deflecting He looked back at the cocktail to avoid another unnecessary blush.

The demon looked at her over his shoulder under his mask, to smile a tender smile. "It seems you've already thought it through, darling. Of course, let me finish this and I'll follow you." He responded without wavering and took the glass cup in his rotten hands to raise it to the height of his face, lifting his mask, leaving only the see her cracked, dry lips and some of her dull, hanging skin slightly revealing the flesh beneath her. As soon as the cup reached her face, she opened her lips, revealing her sharp teeth, sliding in the crimson liquid, which she slowly savored, as if it were the most delicious thing in the world. That liquid that somehow reminded her of the lesser Morningstar.

"Well, guide me Princess, I don't think you want to talk in such a vulgar place for someone like you." He lowered his mask, all before the blonde's expectant gaze and red face of shyness, receiving a slow and timid nod from her as she She would turn around and start walking, giving the signal to follow her.

They soon arrived at a small destroyed but comfortable plaza, far from the Vee's territory, near what seemed to be the Cannibal town. "Well… I thought about what you told me a few days ago… And if I'm honest, it was difficult… But you're right, I should let everyone help me make decisions if I can do it on my own.." She sighed, looking away, being so expressive, in such a magnificent way, that it drove the masked man's cold heart crazy. "I also thought a lot about your proposal, you can stay at the Hotel, ONLY if you follow everything as you promised, buuut..."

He made a small amused laugh when he heard the last thing, drawing an inaudible sigh from Charlie without meaning to. "Sure, princess, whatever you want… But?" He questioned curiously as he crossed his legs and rested his arms against the back of the rotten wooden stool.

"I know you don't want to redeem yourself or anything related to that…" He continued hesitantly, but he snorted, internally scolding himself for his tone. "I still want you to help me if you're going to stay for a long time, in whatever you want and see fit." comfortable to make it clear… And I also want to ask you some questions before you officially stay…" She answered his concern without wavering again, looking into his eyes with an insistent look full of hope, giving him a big, friendly smile. , highlighting her pretty cheeks.

"Well, that's fair" He responded instantly and bluntly, without thinking much about it, surprising the princess. He settled further on the bench to speak again "Yes… You'll let me stay at your hotel despite being someone so dangerous in this shitty place, I guess it's not much to help you and answer your inner rainbow demon survey."

It made the girl laugh enthusiastically, who was internally squirming with happiness upon hearing the affirmative response from the one in black. "Well, I hope you don't mind me asking you questions here," he said, then pulled out a black notebook with stickers of hellcats and rainbows with glitter hearts and several bright pink pens of frosty ink, along with several colored highlighters. cakes when he saw that he nodded to respond silently. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the demon quickly open the notebook with joy, pausing on the middle pages, to write 'Questions about the great Lord of the Plague', enclosing this title in a cloud of bright colors and surround it with hearts and stars, and then further down, begin to number the lines.

"Well… First something easy and not at all strong, how did you die, and why?" [That's not easy to answer at all, honey] He thought with irony and amusement, trying hard not to laugh at this, but failing when a nasal laugh came out of him, making the blonde realize his very personal question "Oh! I'm so sorry! If you don't want to answer that, no problem! That's very personal!" She told him, upset with a nervous look, laughing breathily to hide her embarrassment, betrayed by the blush that she was beginning to notice on the tip of her nose and the slight pinker tone of her cheeks.

"Don't worry, pretty, I don't mind answering that, it's just that you said it in a funny way," he explained, and then resumed a straight posture on the bench, but with his legs still crossed. She cleared her throat lightly, preparing for a long story. "Well… As you see, I died around the time of the Black Death in 1349… shortly before it all ended… Around the fourteenth century. I was one of the doctors trying to help get through all of this. .. When I was 28 years old I died… I never believed in God or Lucifer or Satan and those things, something that was very frowned upon at that time… You know? I was never very kind, although I did everything possible to help, I let one or another person die in exchange for money or various valuable things, even food, which was greatly missed among that virus." Charlie listened attentively to his words, writing down the most relevant things in a brief summary of small sentences and paragraphs, still with a pen glitters.

"Many said that I should be punished for my 'wrong' thoughts before God, more than anything, saying that he was the one who sent us that virus as divine punishment for our sins, and that it was a miracle from the devil that I had not been infected." for my thinking… I never wanted to believe in that nonsense, God never helped me with anything when I needed it or I was in life or death situations, and the Devil had never done anything in my life to notice it." He sighed, feeling his throat dry after talking so much, she swallowed hard and continued "Then, a year before she died, I met a girl, she was beautiful, her rare, platinum and straight hair cut delicately, her face fine and soft, and her eyes so bright like the sun…" Said description entered the pale-skinned girl's head, making her think a little. "according to her, she was desperate to find a good doctor who had traveled through the cities in a cart, to help her mother who was far away and had recently gotten sick and she feared the worst… She said that she had been told that there, in the part where my home was located, she would find me, the best Doctor there was in the entire country, and she did, she told me everything, and in a blind way, I accepted her. She told me that in two days we would leave and that in the meantime. "I would send a letter to her mother and notify the first-time doctor who was treating her that she would soon go home again with better help."

"We were already on our first day living together, when at night, before the trip, she came rushing to my house saying that her mother had recovered unexpectedly and that it was just a cold, as reported, of course it was very strange, since it was impossible for them to receive the letter so quickly in the situation they were in, but I was such an idiot that I took it into account. Then he told me that his mother allowed him to stay for a while in the town where I was, and that. she wouldn't risk traveling more and getting infected, which she did… Months passed, and we were almost a year old, in the eighth month she confessed to me that she was in love with me, I obviously reciprocated, because she seemed like the best woman I'd ever seen. I had never met in my life, after having let my mother die for money… When we were about to turn four months old, she confessed something horrible to me… She was an angel, she had been sent by the extermination in disguise along with other his companions to punish anyone who was an atheist and ignored the words of 'His Lord'… Obviously at first I didn't believe him and I just turned around laughing at such stupidity, when I felt something thick dig into my arm, I was lucky that it did not cross an artery or vein, making me scream… I turned my head in pain and saw her, the woman I loved so much, with wings, marks on her neck and a look of hatred and disgust, with a shiny spear and sharp in hand going through my arm… Maybe you know her as Lute… That son of a bitch…"

There Charlie knew that the appearance he had described to her was no coincidence. She turned around in surprise and looked at him with wide eyes and an open jaw. "It can't be true… The same person who is Adam's assistant… She told you killer…?" She asked, surprised and with a broken voice.

"Of course not, doll… She did something worse than that, that damn thing poisoned me with that stab, as punishment from the 'Divine Lord' he ordered to give to any sinner ignorant of his word to help in the situation… Thanks to her My skin in life began to rot along with my organs and flesh little by little, but the worst was my face… I no longer had skin on my face when I died, and the flesh was already rotting under the characteristic mask of the doctors of that time… Since she left me like that, I never took off my clothes or the medical mask again, until one day I got infected and died shortly after since my defenses were not good at all thanks to the state of my organs …And well, I came here like this for many years, I did my thing and I was in many rings thanks to the power I 'borrowed' from your father, he must have told you about it I suppose… And now look at me here, like a kind and happy idiot talking to a beautiful woman on a rotten bench in hell"

The blonde was silent for a long moment, shocked by everything the masked man had revealed to her just three minutes ago "I… I'm really sorry… I shouldn't have asked you that… It must have been quite hard for you." everything that happened…" Finally the feminine spoke, lightly taking his hand, squeezing it a little with empathy and sadness in her broken voice.

"Don't worry, you didn't know… It's not that I care much about talking about it, after all that's why I'm here, although if I'm honest, I stopped being an atheist when Lucifer himself gave me a place here although not directly, from there, I knew that God is of no use to this shitty world…" He explained somewhat angrily to the woman, squeezing her hand a little more "And also his angels… They are supposed to take care of humanity, and all they do is kill them and torture them until they can't stand it anymore…"

He paused for a moment to take his rifle, undoing the blonde's grip, who felt a little empty at the lack of contact "That's why I also came here… I know of a small rumor that curiously only spreads among Overlords and great ones from hell." They say that in the extermination that will take place in a few weeks they will attack the hotel first and that's why they went ahead… I don't know if it's true, but if it is, I know that bitch will be there… You don't know how much I'm going to enjoy it spray my poison on her and stab her just like she did with me and make her suffer until she dies again."

"Of course not! I'm not going to allow that __! It can go so wrong… I know what he did to you is priceless… But it's still not the solution, and you know it" He scolded him, raising his voice in a loud voice. delicately and taking his shoulders, shaking him childishly, staying close to him."

"Well… Pretty girl, I don't want to challenge your logic, but it's an extermination to kill demons left and right, I don't think the idea of violence against violence is a problem for them" He reminded the woman in front of him, carrying His hand went back to her shoulder, caressing the back of her shoulder, intertwining their fingers once more.

She just shook her head and snorted obviously, of course it was called extermination for a reason, but it seemed too extreme to her, not to mention that she still didn't know clearly how to kill an angel, since she hadn't yet had enough time to think about it. go to the famous Carmilla Carmine, who had killed one almost half a year ago going unnoticed. "Of course I know, silly, but still, you can go very wrong, and unlife has a lot ahead of you, although I don't know how good that is, I don't want you… Well, no one takes risks in vain and much less for senseless revenge, do you understand?"

The one with drooping skin thought a little about his words, analyzing them all carefully, sighing when he immediately knew that the princess was right "Well… You win princess, but I want you to know that if that stupid thing happens to do something to you or someone who "Do not mind and try something against me, I'm not going to listen to you… For the moment I am at your service, dear…" He spoke flirtatiously at the end in a suggestive way, seeing the girl's pretty blush, making him laugh a little. [It will be very interesting to live with this beauty for a while…] he thought with a smile, tightening the grip that still remained in his hands.

★ GODDDD, I loved this, and I've never done anything with a Male reader, I still tried my best, I hope you liked it! >ㅅ< 💗

★ But, to all of these, I have a question, aren't those a lot of words? I don't want to overwhelm with so much text (˘･_･˘)

★ I also want to say that I already edited and finished my MasterList, so I will upload it followed by this One-Shot to link directly, in case you would like to see it (Please, I had a half-blessed day making and editing images so that you would think it's pretty ㅜㅅㅜ)

★ Again, credits to all the textual aesthetics and dividers to whom it may concern !

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faparkclay-blog · 5 years ago

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starter call !!!

#❪ ⋅ ◈ ��⋆ — if stupidity were a 14th century disease / i would be the little rat┊❛ ooc ❜ ❫

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hackdrips · 5 years ago

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( mark lee, 20, bigender, he/she ) speaking of the bardet crime family, there goes PARK “CLAY’ JUN-SE0. i’ve heard that the HOMOSEXUAL & PISCES works underground as a HACKER, but that’s all stuff of rumors. however, the fact that they’re notoriously +EASY-GOING and + PLAYFULL as well as -A DUMBASS and - IMPULSIVE doesn’t bode well for their rep. the smell of weed that lingers on hoodies, the bright light of a computer in the dark. diamond earrings reflecting in the moonlight. ( seraph, 20, cst, he/they )

under the cut is bio / personality / wanted connections my discord is ! ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ rat time#4093 tw: DRUG USE

bio.

bullet point format cause adhd thingz

alright so he was born to Park U-jin and Min-ji in Lyon France

no one really calls him jun-seo asides from his family

he has an older sister named Park Ha-yun

his parents marriage was one of status, nothing more. his father was the heir to the international bank and his mother was the daughter of a former finance minister of France

the relationship between his mother and his father was cold, seeing that it was a beard relationship his mother would have her girlfriends while his father would sleep with the staff everything was a pretense

clay tried his best to “fix” his parents relationship, so that it would match the ones that he saw on tv. often getting his mother gifts from his “father” and vise versa.

despite being the younger child, clay’s father picked him to be the heir of the company cause you know sexism

from early childhood, clay was in an out of tutoring sessions sent to the best schools in the world, everything was planned out to a T he was going to take over the bank

this is where clay gets his skills with computers and hacking

highschool hit and things got more rocky between his parents. his sister was off to college and for the first time of his life—-clay was alone in the large house

he met a “friend” in the boarding school. this friend took more advantage of how helping clay was and how his pockets never seemed to be empty

within a 6 month spiral clay had gone from the goody two shoe boy to being plastered on the weekend

if there was a party, he would be there

his grades were falling and his parents were getting more and more worried

junior year is when she made her big break without even thinking about she found a buried email thread about money laundering in her own families bank

he went public with not thinking about what the consequences would be after going public with the information, clay was being hunted by the police for exposing the information

this is when they pack she things and get a ticket under a new name

this is when he gets recruited into the bardet family

he also keep up with his whistleblowing streak, keeping calling out those capitalists sweetie

personality,

really excitable! a walking !!!! exclamation point

a brat ,,, not even in a kinky way like ,,, he’ll print out embarrassing middle school photos of u and put them on the fridge or read of ur browser history to u and judge the porn u watch ,,,,

if she doesnt like u she will make ur life a living hell

loves gossip he probably hacks into ppls sns accounts and reads their dms so he Knows everything

might actually be stupid, there isnt anything going on in their head

impulse control who ? they do shit and then go :o when things go wrong

slow to pick up on things, like you have to explain shit 5 times to them

once they put their mind to something, its getting done but its getting done their way

will give you the shirt off their back, an honest sweetheart

has a hard time saying no to people likes to be the center of attention flirty ? but doesnt really know it

wanted connections

a mom/dad friend who’s always checking up on them & making sure they’re doing okay

exes that ended on bad terms

exes

sb who is trying to drag him back to like you know old habits

ride or die - they’re always raising hell with, someone clay wld lay down his life for if the occasion arose

frenemies

uh i always take you to the party

beard couples ?

fake dating

we knew each other when we were younger

best friend(s)

a bad influence

someone who’s rlly protective over him or someone he’s Super protective over

unrequited crush/love interest

mutual crushes

#eclatantintro #❪ ⋅ ◈ ⋆ — if stupidity were a 14th century disease / i would be the little rat┊❛ ooc ❜ ❫#like this and i'll plot with you !

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oc-character-development · 5 years ago

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Okay hear me out on this headcannon/ kind of AU thing that my brain decided to bug me with at 1 am this morning:

Crowley HATES the 14th Century, that is CANNON fact given in the show.

A lot of fanfics if covering this focus on Crowley catching the plague, not Aziraphale (if there is a fic out there about Aziraphale dying of the plague I’d love to read it!) but it would be worse for Crowley if Aziraphale discorporated and not him:

1348 Venice (I dunno why Venice, I just feel like Aziraphale and Crowley were sent to Italy at some point after the Roman era and Venice just seemed to fit could be Rome though)

The Black Death has hit the city, Aziraphale is sent by Gabriel there to do blessings (since the plague hasn’t hit The UK yet) and Crowley is sent to cause trouble and make sure pestilence is being happy spreading all this disease. The don’t know each of them are there (it’s in the early days of the Arrangement or before but they’re still good friends at this point)

Aziraphale goes to a monastery as a monk (come on, Aziraphale definitely did time as a monk or something like that anyway at some point) and Crowley poses as an elite members of the higher class (easier to cause trouble that way).

Crowley avoids the plague the best he can but he’s still horrified by the deaths. But Aziraphale is in the thick of it, so of course he’s going to start to feel unwell.

One day Crowley bumps into Aziraphale and they go for a drink and a catch up and then decide to meet up again before they go back to their respective offices.

Aziraphale essentailly suddenly ghosts Crowley and the demon knows something isn’t right.

So he barges into the monastery demanding to see ‘brother Aziraphale’, ignoring the fact his feet feel like he’s standing on hot sand. The monks direct him to Aziraphale, realising he’s a friend of the angel (who they know is an angel they aren’t stupid but fail to recognise a demon).

Aziraphale is sweating and had clearly recently vomited up blood and was extremely weak and Crowley recognises that he has the plague. And he immediately tells Crowley to go away because it’s not safe for him to be in a holy place that coupled by the fact there’s a lot of people lying in the church with the plague. it’s a double whammy of danger.

Crowley doesn’t budge. He’d been discorporated before (Just by complete accident) and he knows it’s not pleasant so stays with Aziraphale plus they’re friends at this point and factoring Crowley’s crush on Aziraphale it’s breaking his demonic heart to see him like this.

Aziraphale complains about the paperwork ahead which makes Crowley laugh and then they just talk.

Eventually as the sun goes down Aziraphale starts to blink out of consciousness.

Crowley wants to say something, anything about his feelings but he can’t. So he holds his friend’s hand to let him know he’s not alone.

Aziraphale wouldn’t remember that bit (or won’t mention that again knowing fully well Crowley would deny ever being nice).

Eventually Aziraphale goes and Crowley is left alone. Holding his best friends body.

Crowley cries a little (although he’d never admit it) and worries that Aziraphale won’t come back.

Luckily, he has the right mind to keep Aziraphale’s body in good condition and eventually Aziraphale comes back (of course he does).

But not before Crowley makes a trip back to Hell and Hastur thinks it’s a good idea to try to bring up the fact that that plague on earth discorporated an angel and that Heaven was so stupid to help and get involved and therefore the angel deserved it for his stupidity.

Crowley almost punched him for saying that . Almost.

But that century became the worst century ever and Crowley had hated it ever since.

#crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens prime #good omens #headcannon #stuff i come up with at 1 am #ANGST #Might write a fic about it if anyone wants me to

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nanofevrier · 4 years ago

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#wildoctoberart "Misunderstood" for Inktober

Here is a selection of some of the most misunderstood animals in my opinion.

Pigs | In English many idioms such as "road hog" or "server hog" associate pigs to negative connotations of dirt, greed, or the monopolisation of resources. In "Animal Farm", the animals who take control of the farm are pigs. The French equivalent of the "Me Too" movement is called "Balance ton porc" meaning "Report your pig", "porc" being a French insult to describe a lustful or ill-mannered disgusting person. In fact, pigs are intelligent, emotional animals and some researches show that they able to solve challenging problems, they love to play, they display a wide range of emotions, and they have unique individual personalities.

Hyena | Their unpopularity is probably partly due to Disney's Lion King which portraits hyenas as stupid giggling cowards. Aristotle described the hyena as “exceedingly fond of putrefied flesh.” Hemingway wrote that they are “hermaphroditic self-eating devourer of the dead.”. Now we know that hyenas actually kill most of their prey, so they are not strictly scavengers. And regarding the "hermaphrodism" myth: spotted hyena females are often mistaken for males because they have a large clitoris — which is often called "pseudo-penis" in many articles... like they do not want to call it by its proper name — and labia that resembles testicles. Hyenas live in compact and unified matriarchal clans, and nurture their young investing more time in their cubs than most carnivores.

Sharks | They have an obvious big PR issue! I watched Jaws for the first time a few years ago and thought the movie has aged badly + what an insane shark-bashing that was... As a reminder, sharks kill 5 people per year, just remember that mosquitoes or dogs kill a lot more! 100 million sharks are killed by commercial and recreational fishing every year! Over 15 different species of sharks are endangered today (Whale Sharks, Angel Sharks, Scalloped Hammerheads, Daggernose Sharks...)

Rats | Musophobia is one of the most common specific phobias. European associations with the rat are generally negative. As a matter of fact, a group of rats is called a mischief and "Rats!" is used as a substitute of swear words in the English language. Rats are believed to have a responsibility in the 14th-century Black Death while fleas carried the plague. They are seen as vicious, dirty, parasitic animals that steal food and spread disease. Thankfully today their reputation starts to improve as science tells us more about this clever and social creature’s behaviour.

Wolf | The Big Bad Wolf is a recurring antagonist in fairy tales such as The Wolf and the Lamb, Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, Peter and the Wolf. Wolves are said to be cruel and evil while they are mostly shy and discreet animals. Nowadays, wolves are still cattle farmer’s biggest enemy. I just had to search online for “loup + éleveur” and I ended up on a paper saying there’s been a wolf attack in Bourgogne in France and farmers request to kill the wolf. Wolves are a protected species in France and biologists say the more natural wild prey there will be, the less wolves will come and eat sheep.

Vulture | Vultures are depicted as bald, ugly, squabbling and filthy scavengers. But vultures have a vital role in our ecosystems: they clean up carcasses thus avoiding proliferation of bacteria and diseases and contamination of water sources. And if you think they’re ugly — and while painting this vulture I realised they are actually beautiful — research further and you’ll see there are many species of vultures, some very colourful and feathery!

Snake | The evil or untrustworthy serpent, responsible for the Fall of man in Genesis that god cursed into a snake to crawl on its belly and eat dust... Snakes have frightened humans for ages since they are venomous or constrictors. However, they play an important role in the food chain and ecosystem: both as prey for larger birds and as predators to smaller animals such as very fertile rodents. And snakes only bite if they feel threatened. In the United States, more than 40 percent of people bitten by snake intentionally put themselves in harm's way by attempting to capture wild snakes!

Bat | One of the first things I learnt about bats as a little girl is that the urban legend saying that bats will fly into one's hair couldn’t be more groundless : bats can navigate very well in the dark thanks to echolocation! Since the dawn of humanity people have been scared of bats due to their appearance and the fact that they are nocturnal. In many cultures bats were seen as bad omens and symbols of death. Witches are often portrayed in the company of bats, demons with bat-like wings and vampire are traditionally shown to be able to transform themselves into bats. In this list, bats are my personal favourite, I’m not sure why, maybe because I think they’re cute when they sleep upside down and it looks like they hug themselves to sleep... Also...they eat mosquitoes!

Pigeon | Sometimes described as “rats with wings” pigeons have a similar reputation as rodents: dirty, stupid... In Flemish the phrase "simpele duif" ("simple pigeon") is a pejorative term used to refer to dumb or naïve people. We also have that in French: if you call someone a “pigeon” it means they are someone who can easily be tricked. In fact researches show that pigeons are not dumb at all: they are successful at the “mirror test” which show consciousness of self. Some studies show that they even have an understanding of abstract notions like time and space.

I was thinking of other animals to illustrate such as raccoons, opossums, toads... Which animal would you add to that list? What is your favourite?

Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_threatened_sharks https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/animal-emotions/201506/pigs-are-intelligent-emotional-and-cognitively-complex https://www.nationalgeographic.co.uk/animals/2019/06/hyenas-have-bad-rap-theyre-africas-most-successful-predator https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fear_of_mice_and_rats https://onekindplanet.org/animal/rat/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotypes_of_animals#Wolves_and_coyotes https://france3-regions.francetvinfo.fr/bourgogne-franche-comte/attaque-loup-cinquantaine-eleveurs-ont-depose-carcasses-brebis-devant-prefecture-macon-1880072.html https://gizmodo.com/reconsider-the-vulture-1839512786 http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150713-the-truth-about-vultures https://www.futura-sciences.com/planete/actualites/zoologie-intelligence-pigeons-ils-ont-notion-temps-espace-35576/

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braindamageforbeginners · 7 years ago

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Day 46

This introduction is going to be a little macabre, but we’re going to happier places; forgive me for building up to it. A few years ago - some time after Neurosurgery #2 - I realized that there is, a quantifiable, objective, measure of a human life. It’s how many people turn up to your funeral. It’s how long your name is spoken after you depart this world. It is - ultimately - on how big an impact you have on the people around you. That’s all any of us can ask for out of existence. Sadly, I was still thinking I had a lump-sum lifetime at that point (believe me, even I am still amazed at how stupid i can be), and life events moved faster than I could really put that theory into practice; and I wound up in the abyss.

I bring this up because I’ve had several friends and assorted acquaintances show up and wish me well, or buy me a beer, etc. and Dad recently asked me how I felt about it. I told him it made me feel like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” And, yeah, there is a certainly a sense that it’s good to know you have people you can count on; but, at the same time, there’s so much more to it. It makes me feel like maybe I had more of an impact than I thought I did. And there is absolutely no price tag you can put on that.

When I write about the Way of the Kraken (”Await patiently in the abyss”) and the importance of showing up, there is a helluva lot to be said for just showing up. I’ve been asked about how to respond when someone gets a serious illness, and my response is, “Just go and offer any help you can.”

In this country, we place a high value on independence and self-reliance, which is the first thing that vanishes when you get seriously ill. I am entirely reliant on the charity and goodwill of others at the moment, which sucks; and I am entirely reliant on medical science to stay alive on a daily basis, which also sucks (I mean, the drugs are great, but it still sucks).

But, at the same time, it’s not like I spent seven weeks sitting around being sick. I devoted every single last bit of myself to staying on top of this disease, ensuring continued care, managing it, etc (and writing). Even Dad noted that he has been genuinely impressed with my efforts to stay alive. And, win, lose, or draw (we’ll know that in a few weeks), it’s starting to feel - and I am a very strange person - like this might be my finest hour.

I mean, I hope it isn’t, because I’d like to live more and do more with my life, but it’s been a crazy, weird, horrifying, fascinating ride, and I’ve already made it farther than a lot of people in my situation - again, I just survived the nuclear apocalypse, on a condensed scale - in other words, just being alive and upright kind of feels like a achievement unto itself (Kraken success!). And I bring this up, because, right now, my old buddies and acquaintances showing up to wish me well is starting to feel a little less like George Bailey’s friends hauling his ass out of the flames - although there certainly is an aspect of that. From the weird darkness of the abyss, these aren’t people who showed up to pity me or offer sympathy - these are my dear friends who came out to cheer themselves hoarse as I go, neck-and-neck, screaming into the final furlong against one of the scariest things known to medical science. And it’s not like I’m ever going to turn down a free beer (like the sarcasm, if that goes, you all know it’s time to pull the plug).

And it’s with that sort of fanfare that I offer my heart-felt thanks to Laura, an old roommate of mine who bought me dinner this evening. I mean, she’s already eligible for canonization for not smothering me in my sleep, even though most juries would acquit most of my roommates. Speaking of sleep, she also wins the wit award by pointing out (and I apologize for paraphrasing, ma’am), “I read your insomnia complaints; you didn’t sleep five straight hours a night when I was living with you.” Which is absolutely true, and brilliantly-remembered, ma’am; it’s sometimes good to have these sorts of reality-checks on your health as you make your way through the abyssal plains (in my defense, I was living with her in the 14th century, before melatonin and ambien were discovered). And she braved SoCal traffic to do it, so, bonus points to her. The “response of the evening award” goes to my mother, who sourly demanded to know why I hadn’t proposed to her. I owe you one, ma’am. Get in touch (or I’ll be in touch) and I’ll send you some books. I don’t mean that in a creepy way, I mean, one of my last, good, favor-trader, kraken-storyteller talents (and it is a skill that my life may now depend upon)(again, read that bit about this possibly being my finest hour) is that I do have a lot of used books that I can spare, I can recommend books like... well, like someone who reads, and I can afford postage - I did this for another friend who helped me out recently, and did it so well, I unwittingly sent her a copy of a book she loved and accidentally lost along life’s journey, so you know I’m good for this one.

To finish; I do this whole, weird, dark, squid-inspired writing/survival project to help me keep this whole demented experience in perspective, and to leave some sort of twisted, anecdotal data for the next people in line. So, when someone from my past shows up to say hi, or get me a beer, or punch me in the head (okay, maybe the chest; my head’s a little sore these days), or point out that I’m full of it (all of these are probably warranted, depending on the time of day), it is an unbelievable shot in the arm. It is an awesome - and humbling - reminder that, at the end of the day, this really isn’t my story.

It’s your story, too.

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cadpadawan · 5 years ago

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What a time to be alive!

On March 11 2020 the World Health Organization declared that the outbreak of a viral disease, with a name similar to a certain brand of light beer, had reached the level of a global pandemic. In the panic reaction, that ensued the reports about the number of the infected, the mass demand on toilet paper and instant noodles skyrocketed on an intergalactic scale. As I let this sink in, it becomes increasingly clear that not even the best of stand-up comedians could have made this shit up!

A great deal of the recent public narrative has focused on the importance of social distancing, and something as surreal as the correct hand washing technique. It turns out, that an acute and extremely violent diarrhea is not a typical symptom of this disease. So, even in the most unfortunate case, that I would become infected with this novel coronavirus-thingy, it wouldn't be exactly the most rational manouver to stockpile 500 rolls of toilet paper, in preparation for a two-week isolation period. Unless, of course, I happened to have some weird pre-existing medical condition that would force me to poop runny and fluid shit non-stop in this doomsday bunker of mine. So far, I haven't been diagnosed with such a syndrome, not that I know of, anyway.

Of course...

There is always the chance, that the universe had a special treat preserved just for me, for a special occassion, like this:

SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKER!

As for the counter-measures...I have actually practiced the noble art of social distancing and personal hygiene long before it started trending. You see, I'm not exactly a people's person. I'm more like one of those ”mind your own business and fuck off!”-persons. And coming to think of it... What kind of person does NOT wash hands after taking a shit, anyways?!?

Seriously, though...Now the University of Applied Sciences, where I am currently studying mechanical engineering, has also closed doors. The University administration had the forethought to do so in advance, a week before the Finnish government ordered all schools to go online. The ongoing product development school project is pretty easy to execute online, luckily. So, in this respect, this global panic should not compromise my studies that much. I'm quite self-disciplined, so this sudden change of plans did not exactly freak me out. I think I have the emotional strenght to focus on this school project, despite the fact that it would be much more pleasant to binge on alcoholic beverages and PS4 for the next couple of weeks. On a side note, I've been playing the novelty PS4 game Death Stranding for a few months now. Suddenly, the dystopian atmosphere of the game does not seem that far-fetched. We are turning into something similar to the game's isolated prepper characters. (Or, to be more to-the-point, I doubt there ever was a time when humanity was truly connected – when there was no physical barriers, we built the barriers in our minds, that's for sure...)

While conducting an in-depth online research into the topic of the school project, I also went through the trouble of getting the facts straight about the coronavirus via some quality sources of information. Let's face it: social media does not qualify as such. If I was dumb enough to take the corona-garbage in my Facebook newsfeed seriously, it would mean that this COVID-19 outbreak was either:

1) a punishment from a narcissistic god, on the grounds that humanity is a bunch of ungrateful little shits, wallowing in a cesspool of sin – homosexuality, gender equality and veganism, in particular.

2) a pre-emptive strike in the forth-coming WW3, conducted by a biological weapon that was engineered in some top-secret level-5 security military lab in Wuhan, China.

3) A dick move played on the Jumanji-board, that some douchebag accidentally came across in the estate of his deceased grandmother.

4) A Black Death reconstruction executed by the aliens responsible for this shit show simulation.

So, what the actual fuck is this coronavirus, then?

We are witnessing the triumph of an infectious disease, that is caused by a severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus-2 (SARS-CoV2). The COVID-19 monicker seems to stand for a novel CO-rona-VI-rus D-isease that emerged in 2019.

Coronaviruses are fairly common in the animal kingdom, although, this novel coronavirus seems to be one of a kind, that has not been previously detected. If I asked my internet friends here, they would probably say something along the lines of ”I'm not saying it was aliens...but it was aliens!”

Either that, or Mother Nature just wants to kill us all?

The source of the virus is not yet fully known. The latest findings suggest all kinds of bat-related stuff. So, I guess it would be fairly safe to assume, that the world has now officially gone bat shit crazy? The year 2020 will be forever remembered as the Great Pandemic of toilet paper hoarding. Officially, the common symptoms of COVID-19 include high fever, dry coughing, shortness of breath, fatigue paired with muscle and joint pain. No mention of convulsive diarrhea anywhere. Are the government officials withholding some crucial information, in the best dystopian fashion? I guess it would prove pretty hard to maintain morale, if the public was told that we are going to dive in some deep shit, in the most literal meaning of the expression.

Well, I didn't stock up on emergency supplies.

I'm a student with no budget, for fuck's sake. I live from one government hand-me-down to the next, or as we say in Finnish: ”kädestä suuhun”. It literally means ”from hand to mouth”. I could not possibly afford to stockpile shitload of TP or anything else, for that matter. Not that I even wanted to. I find it extremely hard to believe, that the world is going to run out of toilet paper any time soon...or...if a single drop of bat guano is going to collapse all civilization as we know it, then...maybe all this so-called ”civilization” is not so civilized to begin with... From a bystander's view, this onslaught of basic human stupidity, that this pandemic seems to have released upon us, makes it fairly easy to relate to the idea, that Mother Nature really wants us all dead. Maybe...just maybe...the real virus that is threatening all lifeforms on this blue planet is human, not some small agent that replicates inside the cell of an organism. After millennias of gang-bang-thank-you-Ma’m it's payback time?

Whatever the case, it's peculiar that, at this point, the virus seems to have entered Europe via Italy. Well, it still remains to be confirmed, but...if this actually proves to be the case, it would bear an uncanny resemblance to another historical pandemic from way back – the Black Death, that swepth across Europe in the 14th century. Well, y'know...history on repeat etc...

The Black Death, a.k.a. The Great Bubonic Plague, was the first major outbreak of a pandemic on the European continent. It probably originated somewhere along the Mongol conquest of China, due to a pathogen spillover event. Such an event most likely took place somewhere in the Hubei province in China in late 2019. A reservoir population with a high pathogen prevalence, like maybe some killer bats from outer space, or a secret military lab, came into contact with a novel and unsuspecting host population – the ordinary chinese folks doing some grocery shopping at the local market.

Back in the day, the war-mongering Mongols obviously had no clue about the correct hand washing technique, or cough etiquette. The plague spread like wildfire among the troops. It was caused by a bitchy pathogen, a bacterium called Yersinia Pestis. Eventually, the pathogen traveled down the Silk Road to the seaports of Europe, among the Mongol army. To be precise, the pathogen was actually carried by fleas that black rats were infested with. When the Mongol armies arrived at Europe, things got a bit gruesome. Djanibek Khan was the commander of a massive Crimean tatar force, that sieged the port city of Kaffa in 1348. By conducting a somewhat brutal manouver in biological warfare, Djanibek Khan's troops catapulted infected corpses over the city walls. A few infected Genoese traders managed to escape – and introduced the Black Death onto Italian soil. The rest is history.

Ok, let's assume the internet scholars, religious freaks and conspiracy theorists were right for once. Why does the entry point always have to be Italy?

It's almost as if the history of mankind wanted to suggest, that God had some serious bone to pick with the Italians. What have the Italians done in the past, that seems to have compromised the cosmic balance so seriously?

Luigi, you did not by any chance place a slice of pineapple on the pizza, did you?!?

Ever since the Dark Ages, politically motivated monoteistic religions have always blamed normal people for any kind of disasters. The concept of God's mercy is convenient in such a way, that premature death in the hands of any natural disaster would automatically grant an instant VIP-entrance to the delights of afterlife paradise, for a beliver, whereas for a non-believer it most certainly would mean a severe charcoal-grilled punishment in the never-ending flames of hell. In this respect, these so-called Abrahamic religions have not really changed in the last 4000 years. If history can teach us only one thing, it would be: the vast majority of mankind is actually dumb as shit.

So, what can I do?

Not much, except keep avoiding stupid people, as usual, and keep washing my hands as if I had a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. Yeah, I'll just keep focus on my studies. Whenever I need a break from the depths of mechanical engineering, I'll just check on the news to see the most recent updates in this global shit show. It's funny, when I read about the history of mankind, I can't help but think, that my ancestors must have been of a special kind of stupid in many ways, indulging in a behaviour that was harmful to themselves in the long term. As I watch the stupidity of mankind unfolding right before my very eyes, I feel the occassional urge to book the next flight to Northern Italy and start licking doorknobs in the local supermarkets, relentlessly. Maybe I could wash the sour taste from my mouth with an ice-cold Corona beer, with a slice of lime in it. The path of glory has been well-defined, like aeons ago. The issue has always been how to bring everyone along for the ride. With the general attitude being ”Me first & The Gimmie Gimmies” (the best band name ever, by the way!), we're heading towards the biggest butt-fuck in the history of humanity. Maybe we'd be better off hoarding lubricant, instead of toilet paper?

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