#❪ ⊱ — ❛ i’m the girl made of heartbreak and heartache. ❜ ┊CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
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bittcrglory · 7 years ago
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INDIANA STOKELY + NAME MEANINGS !
INDIANA — english, place name. NOELLE — french, christmas. STOKELY — english, variant of stockley / from the tree stump meadow.
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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years ago
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Ghostin
Seungkwan: Chapter 2 (A Little Bit Of Your Heart)
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Characters: Seungkwan x female reader
Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst (a shit ton of sadness honestly), semi-unrequited love, death mentions, implied genocide, runaway mates, family fighting, violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.
Author’s Note: Hi Friends! I recommend listening to Just A Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande. I think it sets a good mood to this chapter. Well not good mood, but it helps give you an idea of how I want you to feel towards the end f it.
Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!
Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts
🥀
Ghostin Master List
Chapter 2: A Little Bit Of Your Heart
Over the next week, you continued to have nightmares about your past mate. Sometimes it was the memory of his dying, other times it was a completely unrealistic portrayal of terror with him leading the charge. Each time Seungkwan would dutifully come to your aide and hold your through your ordeal, kissing your head and rocking you back and forth like a baby. Sometimes, you’d lay your palm on him somewhere on his body and you’d suck him right into the dream you were having.
He couldn’t lie, seeing you so upset over another man was destroying him, but he loved you. He knew you’d eventually get over it, or at very least not be so upset over it. That’s what he kept telling himself anyway. But every dream he was thrown into with you made that thought dwindle more and more. He could see how much you loved your past mate still. Everytime you smiled at the other wolf, it broke something in him. Everytime you threw yourself into his arms and begged him to never let you go, he’d wake up the next morning, dart out the door and run into the nearby woods and cry until his throat bled.
He wasn’t like his brothers and how they were with their mates issues, he couldn’t keep up his brave face for long. He couldn’t help but let your past bother him. No matter how much he tried, it always affected him. He was just too emotional a person to have your situation not hurt him. He wanted your attention and love solely for himself. It was just his instincts.
He was never good at controlling them to begin with, but when you came around, what little self control he had went out the window. He couldn’t help but be jealous and angry. He couldn’t stop the tears that flowed down his face every night when he was holding you, hushing you back to sleep. He knew your heartache wasn’t for him. It was killing him. But he would NEVER let you know that. It wasn’t your fault this was happening anymore than it was his. He just wished you would see him rather than want your old partner.
His brothers were all very concerned for him. He was having trouble eating, sleeping, and just being his general happy little self. It was like he was a hollowed out shell. They wanted him happy, but they knew confronting him on it would just upset you, which would in turn, further hurt him. They knew it wasn’t really something you could control, they just wished that you two could get to your happily ever after already. You had started to notice how much of a toll you had taken on him too…
You woke up that morning in Seungkwan’s arms, a ritual to which you had become accustomed to. You felt safe with him, which you knew was probably only because of the mate pull, but you decided that you liked his naturally protective nature regardless. You had began to really enjoy being around him. He did everything he could to make you happy. He always made you laugh. He never let you say an unkind word about yourself. You had started to developed some very strong feelings for him. He was still out cold, he must’ve been exhausted trying to keep up with your horrible sleeping habits.
You nuzzled your nose into his bare chest and whimpered out, signaling to him that you wanted him to wake up. Of course, it worked and within seconds his precious eyes had shot open to check on you. The whites in them were dulled and their usual sparkle had lost their shine. You felt bad that you had done this to him, he looked so worn out that you couldn’t help but let another whine escape your lips. His hair was greasy and unkept, his skin was pale and the bags under his eyes had become prominent, even his voice had started to lose it’s cheery edge that you loved so much. You did this to him. And you absolutely hated yourself for it.
“What’s wrong baby? Is everything alright?” He quickly stated as he shook his head to wake himself up. Despite his tiredness, you were still the only thing he cared about.
“Y- Yeah, I’m okay. I just feel bad s’all” you mumbled against his hand that had found itself on your cheek as he looked at you with a great worry on his face.
“Why do you feel bad baby?” He questioned, bringing your face to his and giving you a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“That you’re suffering cause of me. I’m sorry” you spoke to him with watery eyes. Shit.
“I’m not suffering baby” Liar. He lied to you as he hushed you, laying his forehead against yours as he started to rub your temples softly., “I’m just a little tired is all.” Well, that one at least wasn’t a complete lie.
“Because I won’t let you sleep.” You finally sobbed out and threw your head in your hands.
“I’m sorry. I keep trying to stop. I- I keep trying to take him off my mind, it just- it just doesn’t work. I don’t now what to do! I’m so fucking sorry!” You wailed before he pulled you into his chest, rocking you back and forth like he had the previous night.
“Shhhh… It’s alright baby. I’m alright. You don’t need to worry about me alright. It’s my job to worry about and help you. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.” He tried to assure you, failing miserably.
“I’m supposed to care for you too. And I haven’t been. I’m sorry” you let the tears freely fall before Seungkwan used his thumbs to sweetly wipe them away and forced you to look up at him.
“Baby, look at me, I’m okay. I’m just a little tired. But I’ll be alright. It won’t be like this forever, just a little while longer, okay? You don’t need to waste your pretty little tears on me. I’m a big strong wolf. I can handle myself.” He said a little too confidently, causing you to let out a chuckle at his joke.
“See, there’s my girl. Now hurry up. Breakfast is gonna be ready any minute and if we’re not down there, we won’t be getting any.” He kissed your nose and jumped to his feet, grabbing one of his shirts on the floor in the process. He took your hand and pulled you up out of bed, making his way to his bedroom door and down the stairs to the kitchen.
The scene in front of you after you reached the bottom of the staircase caused a grin to appear on your lips. All the boys had gathered around the kitchen table and were conversing loudly with each other. You had missed being with a big family, it was nice that now, thanks to Seungkwan, you had one again.
“Morning guys!” Seungkwan chirped as he sat in an empty chair, grabbing you by your waist and pulling you to sit on his lap, making you blush slightly as you weren’t yet used to that type of PDA yet.
“Morning kids!” Mingyu chuckled aloud towards you both as he put Chan in a headlock, fighting for the last piece of bacon on the porcelain plate in front of them.
“How’d you sleep last night Seungkwan?”Jihoon questioned bluntly, his gaze going straight to Seungkwan, completely ignoring your existence.
It wasn’t unusual for him to do that, he was one of the wolves who were closest to your mate. And though he wanted his brother to be happy, he didn’t like the fact that you were still hung up on your old mate. So he gave you a bit of the cold shoulder whenever he could. You didn’t really mind. You understood his anger and thought he had every right to dislike you. The other boys didn’t like seeing their brother so torn up, but they didn’t blame you for it. Just Jihoon.
“We slept just fine, thanks!” Seungkwan put on a fake mile to answer the older wolf’s question, knowing full well that he meant to disclude you. He didn’t like Jihoon’s attitude toward you and he did whatever he could to show him that he wanted him to stop.
“I didn’t ask about BOTH of you, I asked about YOU. How did YOU sleep? Did she force you to stay up again?” Jihoon sneered out while scowling at you.
“Hyung, knock it off. She didn’t ‘force’ me to do anything. You know that. I stayed up because I WANTED to.” Seungkwan shot back, his grip on your waist tightening as he felt your heart beat speed up anxiously.
“Right.” Jihoon added, “because you just LOVE not sleeping for days on end.” He rolled his eyes before huffing, setting his eating utensil down with a loud clank sound.
“Would you back off already!” Seungkwan jolted up, setting you in his place on his chair before leaning over the table to get in the older boy’s face.
“She can’t help her nightmares! But you can help being an asshole!” He growls out, nostrils flaring and eyes turning red with anger.
Jihoon stood up from his chair, pushing it back with a loud screech before slamming his hands down onto the wood table. The noisy bang when he hit the table was enough to jolt you up from your chair.
“I’ll stop being an asshole when she stops playing with your feelings! All you want is Just A Little Bit Of Her Heart and she won’t give you anything more than exhaustion and heartbreak!” He yells out, chest puffing up and down with rage.
The other boys in the house had quickly gathered their mates and had taken them to their respective rooms, fearing for their safety in the event of a fight. All that remained in the kitchen with you three were the mateless Minghao, the nosey Soonyoung, and the Alpha Joshua.
You stood there in complete shock, not really knowing what to do. If you spoke up, you’d only make Jihoon’s anger toward you worse. But if you didn’t, your mate might attack him. Tears started rolling down your cheeks as you looked between the two arguing wolves. Seungkwan sensed your emotions through his anger and turned his eyes to you for a moment. He could see how much his brother’s words were affecting you, so he decided to get you out of there before things got worse.
“Joshua Hyung, can you please take (Y/N) back up to my room? She doesn’t need to deal with his bitchy attitude anymore than she has to!” Seungkwan snarled Jihoon’s way as he pleaded with the only Alpha available to get you out of the current situation.
You weren’t as helpless as the other mates, you were a wolf too, after all. You weren’t even scared of Jihoon, he was only a few inches taller than you in your human forms. In your wolf forms, you’d even be the bigger one out of the two of you. But everyone in the pack knew you didn’t like to fight. You’d rather get beaten bloody than potentially harm someone else with your strength, even if they had started it, you’d never continue it.
But Seungkwan was worried for you. Jihoon had, on occasion, started and finished some pretty gnarly fights. He didn’t want him to try and lunge at you. And he definitely didn’t want his brother to end up hurting you. He would protect you if he needed to, but he’d rather you be taken away from the situation to prevent it as much as possible.
Joshua nodded at your mate before he took your wrist in his hand and began to head towards the stairs to bring you back to your room. It was his job as Alpha to try and keep the peace, but his most urgent job right now was to make sure you, a mate, didn’t get hurt.
“Why would you try to send her away?? She needs to hear this! She should know what she puts you through everyday! She should know she’s killing you and that we’re all pissed at her for it!” Jihoon growls toward you, causing your mate’s fangs to slightly elongate at the older wolf as he did his best to keep his inner wolf from showing.
“Don’t you dare talk to her that way.” Seungkwan coldly said, moving to stand in front of your fleeting figure, blocking you from the older wolf’s view.
“My God! She could at least TRY to hide her pathetic little feelings for a dead guy when you’re around! But she doesn’t! Because she doesn’t love you like she loved him. Wake up Boo! She never has and she never will!” Jihoon jabs his pointer finger into your mate’s chest.
“Why can’t you fucking see through her stupid shit? She’s not worth you destroying yourself!” Jihoon screamed at his younger brother while staring up at the younger wolf, practically drilling holes into his eyes with the amount of fury he was exhausting.
Joshua had tried to pull you upstairs again once the two wolves had gotten closer to each other. The other boys in the room moving into position to prevent the arguing wolves from hurting each other, a sure fire sign that something was going to happen. But you managed to wiggle your arm from his grip. You jetted your way back to the center of the kitchen before you spoke up.
“He’s right Seungkwan, I’m not worth this! You shouldn’t have to destroy yourself for me. I’ll leave!” You jump in, causing all the boys to stop their snarling at each other and turn to you in shock. What?
“W- What did you just say?” Seungkwan whispered, barely audible.
He tried to step toward you with his hand going out to try and reach your arm, causing you to jerk your should backwards. The sadness on his face was enough to make you want to fall to your knees and cry, but you had to remain strong for this. You caused enough damage to their pack. You wanted the boys to all get along again, you wanted things to go back to normal for them, but most of all, you wanted Seungkwan to stop tearing himself apart because of you.
“I said I’ll leave. This isn’t fair to your pack, and it’s sure as shit not fair to you. I’m killing you, and you don’t deserve this.” You say weakly, trying your best to hold back your imminent tears.
“But- But you’re my mate… You- You can’t just leave me… I- I can die if if you go.” Seungkwan sobbed, streams of hot liquid cascading down his cheeks.
You stepped in front of him, quickly cupping his face with your small hand and smiling defeatedly.
“No. You won’t Seungkwan. You have a family who love you enough to tell you the harsh truth, they won’t let you die on them. They love you more than you could ever imagine, Trust me on that. I know you’ll be okay because you’d never leave them when they need you as much as they do. You’ll be okay. I need to leave so you can be happy again.” You speak with shimmering eyes, tears forming at your water lines at the thought of losing him.
Last time you lost a mate, you wanted to die. Hell, you tried to die, more times than you can count. But the thought of losing Seungkwan felt like you already were dead. Your heart felt like it had disappeared from your chest and the air had evaporated from your lungs. Every morsel of your soul ached. But you had to do this, you had to do this for him. He deserved better.
Seungkwan stood there quietly crying his eyes out as you held his fragile face. The boys frozen around him were but a distant memory as he looked into your eyes and tried to find something to say, anything to say, to try and make you stay with him. But all he could do was take the hand you had against his cheek in his and snuggle into it, trying his best to memorize the sensation with everything he had in him.
“Please…” He mustered out, looking at every inch of your beautiful face as if it were the last time he would ever see it. For all he knew, it was.
You moved onto your tippy toes and gave his lips a loving peck before moving yourself back down, a tear dropping down the side of your face in the process.
“Jihoon was wrong on something you know. I do love you Seungkwan, more than I’ll ever love anything in this world.” You let out a small laugh as he shook his head in disbelief, not wanting you to go.
You dropped your hand to his face and let it hit your side right as you made your way for the front door. You reached for the doorknob and turned, pulling it open before you stepped outside and closed it.
You looked back at the house with fondness before shifting into your wolf form and sprinting full speed into the deep forest, leaving Seungkwan and the other boys standing paralyzed with shock inside.
(Updated 8/7)
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jade-doodles-questionmark · 4 years ago
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On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza
Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.
there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.
it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.
More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:
Angelica:
what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.
In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part). 
Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander. 
I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.
I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).
She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.
Alexander:
I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.
I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.
To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.
Eliza:
Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”. 
ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either. 
The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more. 
i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all. 
unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol. 
side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.
Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks! 
if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit
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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago
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Sting and Rogue barely escape Sabertooth with their lives, and Sting turns to the only place he can think of to help - Fairy Tail. While they try to sort out their feelings and recover from the abuse Jiemma inflicted on them, Sting and Rogue must help the other guilds protect Fiore from their biggest threat yet - dragons.
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Chapter Summary: Natsu grieves while Rogue wrestles with his shadow and the dark things it tells him. Wendy and Freed have a plan, but they're running out of time.
Chapters (8/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine Characters: Rogue Cheney, Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Erza Scarlet, Lucy Heartfilia, Wendy Marvell, Porlyusica (Fairy Tail), Makarov Dreyar, Laxus Dreyar, Freed Justine, Future Rogue Cheney, Jiemma (Fairy Tail), Gajeel Redfox Additional Tags: Dai Matou Enbu | Grand Magic Games Arc, Abuse, Physical Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Serious Injuries, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Platonic Cuddling, Sign Language, Magic Fusion, Unison Raids, Grief/Mourning, Dissociation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Friendship, Tumblr: FTLGBTales Series: Part 3 of what we choose to become
** TW for violence & grieving 
----
Rogue gripped Sting’s hand tightly as they darted across the gardens, narrowly avoiding the chunks of flaming rubble that pounded down, leaving craters like angry scars in the dirt. The sounds of battle raged on around them – screams and explosions that blended into a low, constant roar.
You can’t run from this.
The voice thrummed through Rogue and he stumbled, hissing in pain as his shin slammed into a broken piece of concrete.
“No,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and exhaling sharply. “You’re not me.”
The voice laughed – an eerie, cold feeling that made Rogue feel sick. I am, and I always will be.
“Rogue?” Sting’s concerned face appeared in front of him, eyes wide and so, so blue. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t—”
We kill him first. The words slipped through Rogue’s defenses, tendrils of shadow tearing apart the walls he’d built up to keep them at bay. He’s fragile and bones break so easily. Such a pretty sound when they snap.
“Shut up!” Rogue clapped his hands over his ears and gritted his teeth. “I won’t.”
We already have.
Continue reading on AO3
“Rogue, look at me.” Sting’s hands were on Rogue’s cheeks, brushing hair out of his face, touching him gently. “Are you hurt?”
His power tastes sweet when we take it. He’s going to beg, and we’re going to laugh.
Rogue bit his lip until it bled, focusing on the sharp pain and trying to push the voice away, back behind the walls where it belonged. He could feel Sting’s fingertips, soft and kind, and he shook his head again.
“Rogue, love, look at me.”
Light flared up around them and Rogue managed to drag his gaze up to Sting, who was still crouched in front of him and glowing softly with holy light. Even through the blood and bruises, he was beautiful, and Rogue would never hurt him.
You wi—
The voice was interrupted by a sudden heavy pressure in the air, followed by a loud, furious howl of pain. An enormous column of blue flame split the sky in two, lighting up the ruined landscape before exploding outward in a shockwave of destruction. Sting quickly reached out and pulled Rogue into his arms, yanking him down to the ground and wrapping himself around Rogue as sharp pieces of debris pounded down around them.
“What the hell was that?” Sting gasped when the dust finally cleared. He slowly let go of Rogue and pushed himself up, looking over to where the flames had come from. “Was that Natsu?”
That was the first death, the voice murmured. Because of you.
“I wasn’t—I didn’t do anything,” Rogue insisted, staring down at his hands. “I didn’t, I wouldn’t, I…”
Look up, the voice whispered.
Sting’s hands were on Rogue’s cheeks now, but Rogue pulled away from him, tipping his head back and staring up at the dragons battling in the sky. A figure was balanced on the larger dragon, barely visible against the backdrop of flames and clouded stars, and—
—grief, overwhelming grief that tears him apart, and the shadow makes promises, it’ll fix things, make them right, it just needs one tiny thing in return, and Rogue says yes because he’s surrounded by blood and just wants to save him—
“No,” he whispered. “No, I can’t—it’s not…”
—but Rogue’s power isn’t enough, not enough to fix the things he’s broken, not enough to make things right, so light offers to meet the darkness, Sting’s magic with his own because that’s how they’ve always been, lightanddark, strong together—
“I won’t,” Rogue pleads, tugging at Sting’s grip on his arms.
—it does taste sweet, like honey and that one afternoon they shared together in the sun, but the shadow takes and takes and Rogue can’t stop it, it’s too strong, and Rogue begs and pleads but there’s nothing he can do but take the light and make it his own.
The sensation rushed out of Rogue and his breath with it, and when he saw the gentle glow of Sting’s hands on his arms, he shoved Sting away.
“Run,” he whispered, scrambling to his feet and staring down at his hands. “You have to—I’m not safe, you have to stop me.”
Sting frowned, looking up at Rogue. “It’s… that wasn’t you,” he said softly. He pushed himself up, reaching out again for Rogue, tentative this time.
“You saw it too?”
Sting nodded. “It hasn’t happened, though,” he said. “And it won’t. That—” he gestured up at the fight in the sky “—that’s not you. You’ve fought this thing before, and you can keep fighting it.” He grabbed Rogue’s arms again, refusing to let go when Rogue tugged weakly against his grip.
“What if I can’t control it?” Rogue said softly.
“You can.”
“But what if I—”
“I’m not afraid of you,” Sting interrupted, leaning in and kissing Rogue’s cheek. “And I won’t let anything hurt you, not even yourself.”
Rogue closed his eyes, letting the soft light of Sting’s magic wrap around both of them to keep the shadows at bay. He trusted Sting – always had, with every part of him.
As long as he’s with me, everything will be all right.
 ~
“We have to go.”
Lyon’s voice was soft, barely loud enough to break through the raging grief that surrounded Natsu. Natsu shook his head, eyes squeezed shut because if he opened them, he would see Gray, and Gray was…
“We’re not safe here,” Lyon insisted. “Those things are just going to keep coming.”
Natsu stared up at the thick clouds of smoke that obscured the stars and whispered, “Let them.” Flames sparked up his arms, still tinged with the bluish hue of Gray’s magic, an eerie mockery of his heartbreak.
It doesn’t matter, he thought.
“Everyone else needs us.” Lyon’s voice wavered and Natsu finally looked over at him. “We have to keep going.” Tears stained Lyon’s cheeks, and his hands were white where he gripped Gray’s arms, holding him close.  
Holding his body close.
Gray was gone.
Natsu pushed himself up and stumbled closer to them, wiping his face with the back of his hand and falling to his knees next to Lyon. “I can’t,” he whispered, reaching out with a trembling hand and brushing his fingertips across Gray’s forehead. “It’s…”
“I know,” Lyon said, words thick with tears. “I know, but we have to.”
Another sob tried to break out of Natsu’s chest, but he bit it back, eyes never leaving Gray’s face. Please, he thought, running his fingers into Gray’s hair. Please open your eyes. I can’t do this without you.
“We can’t abandon everyone else,” Lyon said gently. “We have to keep going. Gray would want us to keep going.”
“Don’t,” Natsu managed. His chest was so tight he could barely breathe, and he reached out, taking Gray from Lyon’s arms and pulling him close. “I…”
“We need you,” Lyon insisted. He slowly let go of Gray, flinching when a blast hit somewhere close to them and the ground rumbled. “Get up,” Lyon said, pushing himself to his feet and reaching down for Natsu.
Natsu pressed his face to the crook of Gray’s neck, taking another shaky breath before kissing Gray’s cheek and then looking up at Lyon. The grief on Lyon’s face mirrored the dark, empty sensation in Natsu’s heart.
“Get up,” Lyon said again, and this time Natsu nodded, sliding his arms under Gray’s legs and staggering to his feet.
“I can’t leave him,” he said, fingers digging into Gray’s arms as he held him tightly.
“I know,” Lyon said, rubbing his face with both hands and then letting out a noisy breath. “What—where do we have to go?”
Natsu took an uncertain step forward, staring up at the sky, at the two dragons and the man responsible for Gray’s death.
“This way,” he said, pushing down the rage and heartache that warred inside him and stumbling forward into the dark. 
~
When Sting and Rogue finally approached the fountain, the other dragon slayers – except Natsu – were already there. Gajeel leaned against a piece of rubble, wincing as Wendy ran her healing magic over a deep cut in his bicep. Freed and a girl that Sting didn’t recognize were sitting on the ruins of the fountain, talking quietly as they studied a large book. Laxus stood nearby, arms crossed over his chest.
Another man stood apart from the group, watching them all carefully. Sting frowned – he was clearly a dragon slayer, but he was unfamiliar and smelled strange, like dead leaves.
Sting tugged on Rogue’s hand and stumbled forward, leaning heavily against a shard of rubble as he tried to catch his breath. His lungs burned from the run, and he was pretty sure his broken rib was cracked again.
“Where’s Natsu?” he asked.
Gajeel and Laxus both turned, both looking past Sting to frown at Rogue. Their twin expressions of discomfort and uncertainty made Sting’s stomach twist with unease.
“On his way,” Laxus answered eventually. “He went to grab Gray; they should be here soon.”
An awkward silence hung in the air as everyone turned to stare at Rogue. Wendy’s usually cheerful expression was twisted into one of fear, and Laxus looked ready to attack at any second.
Rogue’s fingers tightened around Sting’s and Sting squeezed back gently, glancing at Rogue out of the corner of his eye. He looked exhausted. Pieces of hair that had fallen loose from his ponytail hung in his face, and a scrape on his cheek was slowly starting to purple into a bruise.
“I think we need to talk,” Freed said, standing up and taking a careful step towards them. Sting immediately clenched his fists, fear sparking a burst of adrenaline through his exhausted body. “It seems like—”
“He didn’t do anything,” Sting interrupted, shifting so he was between Rogue and everyone else. “That…” He looked up at the dragons in the sky. “Whatever that is, it isn’t Rogue.”
“He said he was.” Wendy’s voice was soft, but her expression was determined as she stepped forward to stand next to Freed. “Not you now, but…”
“From the future,” Freed said. “Like the dragons that you—he—brought through.” He sighed. “But why would you be attacking us?”  
“He’s not,” Sting growled. The fear was starting to turn to panic, hot and sparking, and he tried desperately to hide it behind a scowl. “None of this makes any sense, but Rogue didn’t do anything.”
“We’re not blaming him,” Freed said gently. “And nobody’s going to hurt you.”
I won’t let them, Sting thought. Never again.
“Do you know what’s happening?” Freed asked. Sting shook his head, quickly signing don’t to Rogue. They were already angry, and if they knew about the shadow, they would—
“I had…” Rogue hesitated, squeezing Sting’s hand and moving out from behind him. “I saw something. We both did.”
“But it didn’t make sense,” Sting insisted. He wanted to push Rogue back, to get between him and the suspicious looks that Laxus and Gajeel were throwing at them, but if he moved too suddenly, they might take it the wrong way. “It was—none of it happened. You didn’t hurt anyone.”
“He said it would happen,” Rogue argued.
“Who?” Freed asked.
Rogue hesitated, running his thumb over Sting’s knuckles and taking a deep breath before he said, “The shadow.”
“Shadow?” The question, surprisingly, came from Gajeel. “You mean like when we were fighting?”
Rogue frowned, looking down at his hands. “I don’t…” He looked unsettled, suddenly. “When we… I don’t remember.” He let go of Sting’s hand and rubbed his face, letting out a frustrated sigh.
“You were different,” Gajeel said, frowning and crossing his arms over his chest. “Like it was somethin’ else talking – all this stuff about fate. Thought you were just upset about losin’, but…”
“I can’t remember,” Rogue said again, shaking his head. Sting could hear the edge of tears in his voice and he grabbed Rogue’s arm again, pulling him close and wrapping an arm around him. “I didn’t do anything,” Rogue whispered. “I promise, I’m—I just want to help. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“We know that,” Freed said, and Sting saw him motion for both Laxus and Gajeel to back off. Then he gestured back at Levy and the book. “We think we have a solution to… whatever’s going on, and we do need your help. We need all the dragon slayers.”
Sting felt a bit of the tension in his body relax at Freed’s reassurances, but he didn’t let go of Rogue. “What’s the spell?” he asked.
“Natsu said that future-you is too strong,” Levy said, leaning forward and looking at Rogue. “Even for him. Freed and I had found this spell a while ago, but… well, we haven’t had much time to research it, so some parts are a bit…”
“Nebulous,” Freed suggested, and Levy nodded. “But what it’s supposed to do is take a portion of each of your powers and… transfer them, I suppose.”
“To what?” Sting asked, frowning.
“One of you, we think.” Freed’s uncertainty was unsettling. “Having the combination of everyone’s magic in one ‘vessel’ should be enough to give us a fighting chance.”
Rogue sighed, leaning heavily against Sting. “I’m not sure… maybe I shouldn’t be involved,” he said softly. “If it’s—”
“We don’t have a choice,” Levy said. “We need all of you or the spell doesn’t work.”
Sting could feel Gajeel and Laxus still staring and he glared at them, refusing to break eye contact.
“So what do we do now?” Rogue asked.
“We can’t do it without Natsu,” Freed replied, sighing and pulling his hair back into a ponytail. “So for now, we wait.” 
~
The next half hour was awkward and quiet. The unfamiliar dragon slayer – Cobra – continued to stand a fair distance away from the rest of them and study the ruined city with an impassive expression. Gajeel and Laxus kept their distance from Sting and Rogue, and although the hostility from before had disappeared, Sting still felt uneasy.
“Is that better?” Wendy touched the back of Sting’s hand gently, pulling him out of his thoughts. He nodded, still on edge from letting her touch him but grateful all the same for the way her magic soothed the ache in his chest and made it easier to breathe. He hoped the thin smile he gave her was grateful.
“They’re coming!”
Sting sighed in relief, pushing himself to his feet and moving over to where Rogue was keeping lookout.
“Something’s wrong,” Rogue said softly as Sting touched the back of his hand. Sting frowned, squinting through the haze at the approaching figures. There was someone he vaguely recognized – the ice mage, from the other guild – and then Natsu, who was carrying—
“Gray,” Sting whispered.
All he could do was stare as the three of them approached the fountain. Natsu lagged behind, footsteps wavering and uncertain, and his skin glowed with an eerie light that matched the flames they’d seen earlier in the sky. As he got closer, Sting realized he was covered in scales, but instead of his usual red, they were a bright, icy blue.
“Wendy!” Sting shouted, stepping out from behind the rubble and moving toward Natsu. At first, Natsu didn’t notice him, but as he approached, Natsu’s gaze dragged across the dirt and up to Sting’s face.
“Don’t,” Natsu whispered, taking a step back and clutching Gray to his chest. Both of them were drenched with blood, and Sting’s eyes widened when he realized that Gray was limp and unmoving.
“It’s—it’s okay,” he managed, trying to keep his voice reassuring through the disquiet that was slowly spreading through him. “Wendy’s here, she—”
“No,” Natsu said, eyes still on Sting, but his eyes were clouded and vacant. He shook his head, fingers digging into Gray’s arms. “It’s—you can’t,” he whispered. “Help Lyon.”
Sting could hear the others behind them, the tense whispers nothing but a background to the angry grief that spilled from Natsu in waves. “No,” Sting whispered. “No, he…”
But Gray was still in Natsu’s arms, and his chest wasn’t moving, and Sting couldn’t hear his heartbeat.
Natsu stared at Sting for what felt like forever before he let out an aching sob and collapsed, knees hitting the dirt with a dull thud. His voice barely made it to Sting – desperate and pleading, whispering I’m sorry, I need you, over and over.
Sting couldn’t do anything but stare. All he could think about was the way everything inside him had shattered when he’d thought Rogue was dead. But Rogue was alive, and Gray wasn’t, and there was nothing Sting could do to make it better.
“Natsu,” Sting managed, taking another step forward. Now that he was closer, he could see the wounds in Gray’s chest, ragged and devastating. Natsu clutched at him desperately, lost in his pain as he pressed his forehead to Gray’s and cried.
Sting moved forward again, choking on his own heartbreak that wrapped around his chest and squeezed. He couldn’t breathe. “I’m so sorry.”
Natsu finally looked up, gaze wild and terrified as he snarled at Sting. The blood that stained his arms and chest was stark against the soft blue glow of the scales that still traced patterns across his body.
“Go away,” Natsu growled, low and threatening.
“Natsu, I—”
“Leave me alone!” The words tore out of him like a roar, furious and savage, thick with tears as he bared his teeth. This wasn’t the boy who had saved Rogue’s life; who had cried when he’d seen Sting’s scars. This Natsu was wild. Aching. Feral and dangerous and so very, very alone.
It was like looking in a mirror.
Sting took another step forward.
Natsu’s grip on Gray’s arms loosened as he laid him gently on the ground and pushed himself to his feet. “Go. Away.”
Sting could feel tears on his own cheeks as he shook his head and dug his nails into his palms. “I can’t,” he whispered. “We need you.”
“I don’t care!” Natsu roared, and then he was burning, blue flames racing down his arms to his fingertips, scorching the earth around him until everything was black. Sting barely had time to bring his arms up before Natsu slammed into him, heat blistering along Sting’s arms until the smell of charred flesh made him gag.
Natsu’s blows were wild and vicious, accompanied by angry sobs and words that made no sense. He held nothing back as he swung at Sting again, fist connecting solidly with his cheek. The skin split, hot blood trickling down to the corner of Sting’s mouth, taste of copper on his tongue—
—and he was ten again, struggling to stay on his feet. Everything hurt, and all he could taste was blood that dripped into his mouth from his broken nose. Fingers wrapped around his neck and he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t feel anything but terror and panic. It was too much, everything sharp and hot, and he was gasping, couldn’t get enough air, too dark, he was going to die—
No. Sting shook his head, pushing the memory away where it couldn’t tear him apart. He wasn’t weak anymore. He wasn’t a scared little boy who begged and pleaded; he was strong and fierce, and nothing could break him.
White light burst up from the ground around Sting as he pushed back against the pain, snarling and returning the blows. He threw everything into the onslaught, slamming into his attacker and panting heavily as he dodged their hits. Another fist caught him on the chin, and he growled, shaking off the pain and retaliating with a swift kick.
It never connected. Instead, strong arms wrapped around him from behind, holding him in place as he struggled against the grip.
“Let go!” he shouted, thrashing desperately against the embrace. He couldn’t lose. Not again. Never again.
“Sting, stop.”
That was Rogue’s voice, soft and gentle in his ear, and Sting immediately stilled, panting as he looked down at the arms that held him. The haze of fury that coursed through him was slowly dissipating, bleeding out of him until nothing was left but a cold, heartsick sense of regret.
“There you go.” Rogue’s grip loosened and Sting slumped back against him, trembling and trying to breathe.
“Fuck,” he whispered as he looked over at Natsu. Laxus was holding his arms, talking quietly as the flames surrounding him slowly dissipated, leaving him once again with only the faint blue glow. The vacant expression on his face as he stared at the ground was haunting, and Sting felt like he was going to be sick.
“I’m so sorry,” Sting whispered, turning and pressing his face into Rogue’s shoulder as the tears returned. “I thought he was someone… I didn’t mean—”
“I know,” Rogue said, running a hand through Sting’s hair and kissing his temple. “Neither of you meant it, he’s just…”
“We need to do this now!” Freed shouted from back by the fountain, voice tinged with fear. “We’re running out of time.” 
~
“Natsu, listen to me.”
Natsu shook his head, chest heaving as he tugged at Laxus’ grip on his shoulders. The fury of a few seconds ago was slowly dissipating, leaving him with nothing but numb exhaustion. He stared down at the ground, charred from the flames he’d thrown at Sting.
A tiny sliver of guilt wound its way through the slowly dimming anger that coursed through Natsu’s body. It wasn’t Sting’s fault. Sting had tried to help and Natsu had—oh god, he’d hit Sting, hurt him just like—
He turned to the side and threw up.  
“Natsu.” Laxus’ voice was firm, one hand resting between Natsu’s shoulder blades as he gasped around the taste of bile in the back of his throat. Everything hurt. “Look at me. I know you’re hurting, but we need you right now.”
“I can’t,” Natsu whispered, taking a ragged breath and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Blood stained his skin, dark and sticky from where he’d held Gray, where he’d tried to press life back into the chest that had shuddered and stilled beneath his fingertips.
His stomach roiled again, and he ground his teeth together. “I can’t do this without him.”
“I know,” Laxus said. “I know. But you have to. Everyone’s counting on us. Think about them – about Lucy, and Erza, and everyone else that needs you. If you don’t help us right now, they’re all going to die, too.”
Natsu shuddered, looking up slowly at the circle of dragon slayers around the fountain. Sting was crying, clutching desperately at Rogue, and the angry part of Natsu hated him. Hated that Rogue was alive, and if Natsu didn’t do anything, Rogue would become the thing that killed Gray.
“Okay,” he said. He took a deep breath, turning back to where Lyon was now kneeling next to Gray and draping his jacket across the horrible wounds in his chest. “You’ll…”
“I will,” Lyon reassured him, fingertips resting lightly on Gray’s shoulders as he nodded to Natsu. “Go. They need you.”
Natsu gazed at Gray’s face, at the bloody fingerprints on his cheek, at the lips that Natsu had kissed and whispered promises against. Then he slowly turned back toward the group, pulling away from Laxus and taking an uncertain step forward.
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femchef · 6 years ago
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Suffer Bitch Ficlist
What This List Is: A collection of fics that I’ve read that absolutely fuck me up emotionally, and that I appreciated/loved/needed/have impacted me enough that I’ve saved them for re-reading. If these were paperbacks, the pages would have started falling out long before now.
That said, everything on this list has an emotional resolution (even the few incomplete ones I’ve chosen to include). Nothing on this list is the kind of emotional devastation that leaves the reader feeling empty and used* because honestly I need resolution, and I hate the type of #realism that makes me go “Well what was the fucking point, then”. This list is not comprehensive; if you’re in these fandoms, you’ve likely brushed up against them before. The majority of these authors are well-known, and some of these fics have been around longer than I’d like to be reminded. 
So - what qualifies a fic for this list, anyway? 
Tears and snotty sobbing. Everything on this list has made me cry and also given me emotional chills to some degree in order to make the cut.**
Before You Read: Take any warnings I list below seriously. If it’s something that will fuck you up in a bad way, then don’t read it. Don’t open the link. We all have things that are no-go’s. Full disclosure? I can’t read anything with graphic depictions of sexual assault, though mentions, allusions to, or mild/non-graphic depictions (ex. fade to black scenarios, fuzzy memory recall, etc.) don’t bother me. I take those tags and author’s notes seriously when I’m choosing what to read. Similarly, I’m pretty blasé about a lot of gore or body horror - except, specifically, when someone is rolling around in a pit of used needles (thanks for that, Saw movies). Guess what I avoid reading? In short: be a responsible reader. Don’t be self-destructive and proceed with however much caution you require.
*a life of smoke and silvered glass is an outlier and should not be counted.
**As a baseline, please keep in mind that the first time I read JRRT’s The Two Towers, I threw my book across the room when I got to the end. Also, the scene in Whale Rider where Paikea is on stage is the one time I started gross-sobbing in a movie theatre. Make of that what you will.
On to the list!
Suffer Bitch Ficlist:
(Presented to you in order of least impactful to most)
Invitation/Complication
It’s Green
Skin Deep
a life of smoke and silvered glass
Practicing Liars
Family Night
A Wicked Game
A Piercing Comfort
Loud and Clear
Humans and Ghosts
Digging for the Bones
Chivalry 
In Care Of
A Year Like None Other
Stay
Under Wing
Distorting Equivalency 
I’m Not Broken (I Can’t Be)
[The following are in no particular order because I couldn’t decide]
19. Sacrifices Arc
20. Phantom of Truth/Shadow of a Doubt
21. Like One Sundered Star
1. Invitation/Complication Series [Homestuck]
By saffronHeliotrope
You don’t need reminding that everyone is pairing off while you have village-bicycled your way through this group of morons as if you’d never run out of time.
It occurs to you that maybe you need new friends.
Word Count: 8,033
Status: Complete
This series contains two works, one taking place immediately after the other. Have fun angsting with Dave because he can’t seem to wrap his mind around this whole ot3 thing with John and Rose (on their wedding night, ofc). Consenting (if slightly dumb) adults and polyamory all around. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/132165
2. It���s Green [Harry Potter]
By Doodled93
Harry grows up working on his Aunt’s Garden and develops a love for it, meeting Samuel and eventually Max, who gives him a Mark of his own. This Mark is changing him, making him more different than he already was, and he loves it. 
Word Count: 88,549
Status: WiP
This is marvelous kidfic - lots of good fluff. Except. You know - that one OC death that was so heart wrenching that you start bawling. The concept of magical tattoos in this fic is really nice, and Max - a prickly, rough and gruff tattoo artist is the best kind of unintentional parental mentor. The author hasn’t updated in some time, but they’ve also made a note that they’ll come back eventually when they’re ready to update to completion. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/411709/chapters/683216
3. Skin Deep [Fullmetal Alchemist]
By Batsutousai 
Trisha and Van’s first child, Edith, was born a beautiful, healthy girl. The only problem? Ed knew he was a boy.
Word Count: 17,083
Status: Complete 
As you may have guessed from the description, this is a mostly canon AU featuring a trans Edward Elric. I love it, I appreciate how it was written, especially that it’s not a romantic plot - and not only was I crying after the first read, but rereads still give me the sniffles.
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8197400/chapters/18779738
4. a life of smoke and silvered glass [Harry Potter]
By dirgewithoutmusic
Albus Dumbledore rose to his feet, smiling at them in that way of his, like he knew something you didn’t and he was proud of you for it. “Friends,” he began. 
The door thudded open and the Marauders burst in, late and pink-cheeked with cold. The headmaster smiled at them, too, and Sirius gave a cheery little salute back.
Severus sunk lower in his chair, staring witheringly over his butterbeer. “You told Potter about it, too?” 
“He might as well put all that energy to good use,” said Lily. “And to be accurate, I told Remus.” 
“But Potter, really?” said Severus.
“He and Black cooked up a jinx that gives you a boil every time you say a slur to a Muggleborn,” said Lily. “It was either invite them to Alice’s war club or bake them cookies, and I know where my skills lie.” 
Severus sniffed. “Don’t come crying to me if he tugs your pigtails.” 
“Come crying to me if he pulls yours, and I’ll deck him.” said Lily.
(Slight AU in which Severus apologizes, tries harder, and stays friends with Lily.)
Word Count: 22,794
Status: Complete
This is the Severus Snape that canon wanted. The greatest tragedy that never has to explicitly be spelled out (and the reason this fic is so heartbreaking and infuriating) is that the end results are the same.
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11457669
5. Practicing Liars [Harry Potter]
By Lomonaaeren
AU of HBP. Harry found out that he was Snape’s son two years ago, and he’s carefully concealed it. But now Snape is his Defense teacher, and Draco Malfoy is up to something, and Dumbledore is dying, and the final battle is coming up, and everything is getting very, very complicated. 
Word Count: 206,306
Status: Complete
Oh boy, bring on the angst. A Severitus fic with a lot of bitter, petty feelings. Half Blood Prince is such a popular point in HP canon to veer off into AU territory (for good reason), and just - the timing, the missed opportunities, the growth. Lots of feelings. Also drarry. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990947/chapters/1955931
6. Family Night [Harry Potter]
By Celebony
As Hogwarts starts a quarterly Family Night, Harry is determined to take part. Facing the heartache of looking in all the wrong places, he’ll have to discover the true meaning of family, and that sometimes it comes from where you least expect it. 
Word Count: 33,000
Status: Complete
Eventual Severitus fic. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional abuse, anxiety, self-destructive behavior, angst, grief, and (eventually) healing and recovery - this fic has it all. To me, I think this is the author’s best work, but obviously I have a preference. Fans of Remus tread carefully, this story may not be for you. 
Read here: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2682144/1/Family-Night
7. A Wicked Game Series [Fullmetal Alchemist]
By Tierfal
Roy has lucked into the all-expenses-paid vacation of his dreams - all he has to do is convince a bunch of happy couples that he’s head-over-heels in love with Ed Elric. What could possibly go wrong? 
[Modern!AU].
Word Count: 64,884
Status: Story is Complete, but Series is still open for possible future oneshots/additions 
Currently three completed works in the series. Roy and Ed as struggling grad students who share lab space stuck in a cabin full of obnoxious couples. This story resonates so well for me, because it was the first time I read something where a character actively struggles with depression where I really felt like someone GOT IT. So, be warned - suicide mentions, depression, angst, and a lot of puns. Safe Roy/Ed, though if that’s not your jam, better take a miss. 
 Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/372113
8. A Piercing Comfort [Harry Potter]
By talithan
When Harry Potter hits the lowest point of his life so far, it is not his friends who keep him honest. With Draco Malfoy’s patience and guidance, Harry learns to stand on his own. The thing is, after the fact - he’s no longer sure he wants to. 
Word Count: 44,566
Status: Complete
This fic has art by onthecount! It’s lovely. Anyway - Oh my god. When I talk about things resonating on some, soul-deep level. The way depression, and trauma, and PTSD is handled is... Well. I don’t go back to this often, but it’s because (for me) reading this fic is cleansing. Draco and Luna as therapists running a burgeoning wizarding practice is pretty great. If you couldn’t guess by reading the summary, this is an eventual drarry fic - and I’ll be upfront, if the idea of dating your former therapists squicks you out, don’t read. I like how it’s written out, it doesn’t feel inappropriate, or like any sort of power imbalance to me, but I can see where that wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea either. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857495
9. Loud and Clear Series [Fullmetal Alchemist]
By Tierfal
The thing with Roy is founded on coffee snobbery and stupid text messages and seriously awesome makeout sessions in the car. Oh, and the love of a lifetime, or whatever.
Word Count: 280,924
Status: WiP
Currently there are six completed works, and one in-progress (with at least one more slated by the author). Also known as ‘The modern!AU Roy/Ed fluffball fic (of doom)’, there is emotional baggage/angst throughout that hints at darker things but nothing too dreadful until the fourth entry in the series, “Another One of Those Heartbreak Songs”. Anxiety, depression, war crimes, rape and consent (and, fyi, one of the best descriptions of what exactly enthusiastic consent IS, is in the current entry of the series, “The Boiling Point”) are all being dealt and felt in this story. Safe Roy/Ed fic that starts with a coffeehouse!AU style meetcute and follows the deepening relationship between Roy (established lawyer who works with veterans) and Ed (making the transition from struggling grad student to frazzled professor), and has a delightful dose of Al/Win tossed in. One of the most relatable things about this series is how all the terrible things about your worst relationships don’t really hit you until you’re smack in the middle of the best relationship you’ve ever had, and it’s ROUGH. Consider this your explicit warning: if mentions of rape/sexual abuse, or abusive ex’s set you off, don’t read.
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/167693
10. Humans and Ghosts [Danny Phantom]
By RedHeadsRock1010
If there was one thing Danny Fenton perfected since receiving his powers, it was how to pretend. 
Word Count: 26,751
Status: Complete
ANGST. Angst and neglectful parents. Angst and neglectful parents and two siblings doing the best they can. Jazz is a real MVP in this story. Also blood and gore. And torture. Oh my god. Still makes me cry. Consider this your explicit warning: if mentions of torture, or neglectful/abusive parenting set you off, don’t read. While it’s not a religious fic, the impact of the parenting codes like some of the horror stories you might have heard about being in the closet and growing up with religious parents. You have been warned. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12315771/chapters/27999459
11. Digging for the Bones [Harry Potter]
By Paganaidd
Rather than allowing Harry to stay at Diagon Alley after he blew up Aunt Marge, the ministry sends Harry back to the Dursley’s. Harry returns to school after a terrible summer, to find that he’s not the only one with this kind of secret. A student has been killed by his family. New screening measures are put into place by the Ministry: Every student must be given a medical exam and interview to look for child abuse. With Dumbledore facing an inquiry, Snape is entrusted with the task of making sure EVERYONE receives one. 
Word Count: 203,178
Status: Complete 
As the author warns before the fic, there is a character death in the first chapter. The story is an AU of Prisoner of Azkaban. Suicide, attempted suicide, and suicidal ideation are a big part of the story. Child abuse, death by child abuse (and the aftermath), ptsd, and the appalling effects of dementors on a castle full of kids are pretty central to the plot. Eventual Severitus. Also accidental necromancy. This is a monumental hurt/comfort fic and there are a LOT of feelings. And angst. Consider this your warning: if explicit attempted suicide, or suicidal thoughts set you off, don’t read. If mentions of physical abuse/child abuse set you off, don’t read.
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598019/chapters/1078847
12. Chivalry Series [Harry Potter]
When Harry appears at the Welcoming Feast wearing a glamor only Snape notices. Snape decides to find out what the glamor is hiding. 
You, the guiltless, will pay for your father’s sins,
Roman, until you repair the decaying 
Temples and shrines of the gods, and their
Images, filthy with blackening smoke.
When you act as servant of the gods, you rule:
From them all beginning, leave them the ending. 
Horace, Odes III-6
Word Count: 123,467
Status: Series is marked as Ongoing, though individual stories are Complete
Welp. Angst, some explicit child abuse (specifically physically violent Vernon Dursley), grief and mourning, ptsd, accidental potions class disasters that lead to more angst, sickfic, hurt/comfort, blood, gore and violence, child neglect, and eventual found-family by way of Severitus and a developing sibling relationship between Harry and Luna. There is a lot to unpack here. The interactions between Harry, Luna and Severus are especially endearing and heartbreaking. This is your explicit warning: if explicit child abuse /physical abuse set you off, or if accidentally forced (yes, I know how that sounds) flashbacks set you off, don’t read. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/12306
13. In Care Of
By Fangs_Fawn
During the summer before sixth year, Harry finds an injured bat in the garden and decides to try to heal it... and an unwilling Snape learns just what kind of a person Harry Potter really is. 
Word Count: 45,319
Status: Complete 
I’m gonna be upfront with you. Vernon and Dudley Dursley are very sadistic in this story. Tread with caution. That said, along with the angst this is a very solid hurt/comfort fic that is also a reciprocal hurt/comfort fic (in that, first Snape is helped, and then Harry). It’s a nice emotional exchange. Violence - explicit child abuse and torture, grief, and a very petulant animagus. This is your explicit warning: if physical torture/violence sets you off, don’t read.
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023625/chapters/2036909
14. Like None Other Series [Harry Potter]
By aspeninthesunlight
A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Dursley’s have to say, it can’t be anything good; so Harry’s determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he’d never have walked on his own.
It will be a year of big changes, a year of great pain, and a year of confronting worst fears. It will be a year of surprising discoveries, of finding true strength, of finding out that first impressions of a person’s true colors do not always ring true. It will be a year of paradigm shifts. 
And from the most unexpected sources, Harry will have a chance to have that which he has never known: a home... and a family.
A sixth year fic, this story follows Order of the Phoenix and disregards any canon events that occur after book 5. 
Word Count: 1,465,418
Status: WiP
Currently there are two completed works in this series, and one ongoing. This is a ROLLERCOASTER, omg. Terminal illness, child abuse, explicit, agonizing torture, grief and mourning, bad coping mechanisms, self-harm, self-destructive behavior - hurt/comfort out the wazoo. Eventual Severitus, this is a good, substantial found-family fic with a developing sibling relationship between Harry and Draco. I really appreciate that Severus, Harry and Draco continue to step on each other’s toes as the story moves along. They get as much wrong as they get right, and the familial development is natural. Harry does struggle a bit with the newer experience of a paternal Severus weighted by the previous years of his antagonism and petty behavior. Severus struggles with balance, Draco struggles with extremes - behavior, feelings, intrusive thoughts - it’s a very well-rounded story. This is your explicit warning: The torture is incredibly graphic, and there are needles involved. If that sets you off, don’t read. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/41198
15. Stay [Danny Phantom]
By jaeger_soul
Dash Baxter is finally a senior and this year isn’t supposed to be hard. With nothing waiting on him after graduation, he might as well sleep through his classes. He’s already got a job after high school’s over, what’s the point of reaching for anything more? He’s fine with what he has. But when ‘more’ comes in the form of a black-haired boy with similar problems to his own, can Dash really not try for it?
Word Count: 817,287
Status: WiP
This is technically a series, since the author has written one companion piece from another character’s perspective for chapter 27 of the story. Oh my god. Dash is a sweet, sweet cinnamon roll who’s just trying to muddle his way through, and terrible things happen to him. This is not Dash the bully from the canon series. The endgame ship is Dash/Danny, and it is very slow-burn. Lots of hurt/comfort in this fic, and the author’s OC’s are incredibly fleshed out and wonderfully developed. Anxiety and panic attacks are pretty heavy in this story. Small town-typical homophobic slurs, make an appearance. Teenagers having sex with other teenagers is a thing. Mentions of abortion and teen pregnancy and unwanted pregnancy all happen later on. Mentions of suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide are plot points. Abusive and abused ex partners. Child abuse - emotional, mental and physical - is the heavy hitter in this story. It is explicit and painful and heartbreaking. Consider this your warning. ABUSE. Explicit, agonizing depictions of trauma, and being used as a bargaining chip between two different but equally terrible parents - if any of that sets you off, DO NOT READ THIS STORY. 
Read here:https://archiveofourown.org/series/646532
16. Under Wing [Harry Potter/Katekyou Hitman Reborn Crossover]
By Reighost
Prophesies were tricky things and lies are even trickier. Sirius’s death becomes a catalyst and Dumbledore’s lies crumple like a house of cards. Harry is left with a burning question... Who is he really? Crossover with Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Word Count: 145,771
Status: WiP
This story goes hard on the angst right out of the gate. And I do mean hard. Oh my god. A literal mindfuck that will leave you gasping. Psychological manipulation and torture, mind rape, body horror, and non-sexual indecent treatment of a corpse to start with. However, there is a lot of good content in this hurt/comfort fic. The author has not only brought HP and KHR together but has blended elements and characters from Spirited Away, Cardcaptor Sakura and xxxHolic together in such a way that despite all the horror, there’s actually a lot of redeeming charm. You will never find a better interpretation of the Hibari family than the Hibari’s that Reighost writes about in her universes, and this story contains a flashback to the Hibari parents meetcute and it is adorable and hilarious. While this is a wip, it’s at a very good stopping point that’s more or less the end of a story arc - so don’t let the thoughts of a slow wip put you off. This is your warning: Mind-control and mind-control recovery, and gore, all quite explicit. If that sets you off, DO NOT READ. There’s a reason this story is so far down the list. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123387/chapters/2264363
17. Distorting Equivalency [Fullmetal Alchemist]
By Ranowa Hikura
All Ed knows is that he’s been kidnapped by a madman. 
Word Count: 173,000
Status: Complete
Go hard or go home. This is 27 chapters of kidnapping, explicit torture, and unethical alchemical experimentation with chimeras. All those feelings you have about Nina? Dial it up to eleven (to point out, Tucker and Nina are not featured characters in this story - unfortunately that disaster has already happened). A hurt/comfort fic with a very good resolution. Also becomes eventual Paternal!Roy and Ed. This is your warning: If explicit, repeated torture and body horror set you off, AVOID THIS FIC. 
Read here: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12116762/1/Distorting-Equivalency#end
18. I’m Not Broken (I Can’t Be) [Homestuck]
By [orphan_account]
Guys don’t get raped. 
Okay, so maybe they do, sometimes. But that’s only when they’re ganged up in an alley way and shoved against a wall and get some other guy’s dick in their ass without permission. It’s forceful and bloody and masculine. At least, that’s how the media sells it.
But this isn’t rape.
When a girl buys you drinks and takes you home and crawls on top of you - well, that’s every guy’s wet dream. 
When she’s grinding down onto you and her hands are holding yours to her breasts and she’s whispering filthy, filthy things into your ear, that’s not rape.
That’s not rape no matter how many times you say no.
Word Count: 33,386
Status: Complete
This is your explicit warning: Rape. The scene is non-graphic (lead-up with fade-to-black scenario) and takes place in the first chapter. Trauma, self-harm, suicidal ideation, destructive behavior, mentions of homophobia. If the summary of this story isn’t enough of a warning, then here you go. DO NOT READ if this is what sets you off. Hurt/comfort and ANGSTANGSTANGST aside, the aspect that I appreciate most about this story is how it deals with trying to come to terms with a trauma you don’t know how to articulate (to yourself or others). I don’t generally do stories that rely on miscommunication, but in this case, it makes sense: it’s less about miscommunication for the sake of plot, and more the lack of ability to articulate effectively, which. Yeah. Dark, angsty hurt/comfort that eventually ends on a positive, hopeful note. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777171/chapters/1462358?view_adult=true
DUN DUN DUN - THE BIG THREE 
Let’s call it a three-way tie, because there is SO MUCH PAIN in each of these stories, honestly I really can’t pick an order for them.
19. Sacrifices Arc [Harry Potter]
By Lightning on the Wave
Harry’s twin Connor is the Boy Who Lived, and Harry is devoted to protecting him by making himself look ordinary. But certain people won’t let Harry stay in the shadows...
Word Count: 3,081,000
Status: Complete
Wrong Boy Who Lived. Severitus, Slytherin!Harry. Drarry. If those are on your radar, this may be the story for you. Just beware literally everything else. Torture, mind-control and manipulation, child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, neglect, rape, cannibalism (is it cannibalism when it’s a werewolf eating a human child), trauma, destructive behavior, violent loss of limb, blood, gore, viscera, necromancy - these are just some of the explicit things that take place in the series. There are eight works in the Sacrifices Arc, and they mirror the canon Harry Potter series in that they start at mild and slightly odd and become darker and more horrifying. This is a very, very long series, and it hits a lot of milestones within the HP fandom. There are lovely moments of tenderness, the OC’s are magnificent and well-developed, and while heavy-handed from time to time, the author explores notions of morality and spends a lot of time on magical theory and world-building. If you haven’t read Sacrifices Arc and want more information, google it’s tvtropes page. I would recommend doing so just to determine whether or not the story is safe for you to read if you’re concerned about it, because there is a LOT going on. Otherwise, start with the first story in the series (“Saving Connor”) and proceed with caution. You will absolutely be wrung out before you finish.
Read here: https://m.fanfiction.net/u/895946/
20. Phantom of Truth/Shadow of a Doubt [Danny Phantom]
By HaiJu
Locked away in a secret government lab with Phantom as her subject, nothing stands between Maddie and the truth... except, perhaps, herself.
Word Count: 366,000
Status: Complete
Do you want to get fucking wrecked? Because this series will do it. Holy shit. I still can’t believe I got through it. This is so well-written and so. Fucking. Painful. The first entry in the series, Phantom of Truth, absolutely GOES THERE. The second entry is... everything that comes after. I don’t feel like it spoils anything to tell you that Maddie is not the person who captures Danny Phantom, or that she does not know he’s her son. Make of that what you will. Also, the first story does have a good resolution and does not end on a cliffhanger, so if you need to take a break after, you should. Bonding happens, and I wouldn’t call it Stockholm Syndrome, since it’s between Maddie and Danny, but I also wouldn’t say it doesn’t overlap. This story is absolute fucking angst. Shadow of a Doubt explores not only the traumatic repercussions on Maddie and Danny and their relationship, but on their friends, family, acquaintances and even enemies. There are some very good OC’s that come into play later on. You know, between all the angst and pain. Tread carefully: If you think you’ll be set off by torture and abuse, DO NOT READ THIS FIC. I cannot stress that enough. 
Read here: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7476808/1/Phantom-of-Truth
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/9683169/1/Shadow-of-a-Doubt
[It’s worth mentioning that HaiJu has an ao3, but they haven’t finished crossposting Shadow of a Doubt to their account]
21. Like One Sundered Star Series [Homestuck]
By oriflamme
Who are these shining like one sundered star? 
[Like kindled lights in untempestuous heaven,
Fair flower-like stars or the iron foam of fight.]
———
Teenage superheroes deal with hormones, mental illness, and extremely secretive guardians in a world of Horrorterrors, giant mutant lucii, mob violence, nightmares of a past life, warring anti-heroes, and asshole carapacians. Sburb AU divergence from Real Men Wear Tights. 
Word Count: 1,712,155
Status: Complete
Welcome to the AU of an AU that did a double reach-around back into canon and became a reincarnation AU. It’s fucking excellent and also fucking traumatic. Body horror, blood and gore and viscera, torture, emotional manipulation, mind control, child abuse, emotional abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms, attempted suicide/suicidal ideation, codependency, alcohol abuse, just to name a significant few. This is a huge pale-tango clusterfuck and it’s glorious. The world-building is insane. Richly developed OC’s, good use of languages, images that a slowly incorporated into a story of increasing breadth and complexity - and a fucking bombshell that will hit you really, really hard about midway through the story. So much pain. Again, this is another series with a tvtropes page that you should visit if you have any concerns before reading, because there is just that much going on. There are three works in this series, two are companions to the main body of work. Proceed with caution, because this will squeeze the life out of you. 
Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/56682
Welp.
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mcfurry666 · 6 years ago
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Voltron season 8 spoilers
Huge rant ahead.
Don't read this if you haven't watched season 8 yet. I'm warning you.
Lemme start with
What
The HECK!!!!
I'm pissed off, enormously. I respect every ship in the fandom, but imo A//urance didn't make any freaking sense. I mean, she rejected Lance tons of times and chose other people over him. They didn't have any chemistry, any foundation, nor any solid base other than Lance's stubborn crush on her to make it EFFING HAPPEN. Had it not been for the forced writing, A//urance would have been great. The writers could have developed their relationship so much better, but they just went for the easy sold "he was a boy, she was a girl" romance. And then they just killed her off, so it's not even an endgame. Allura deserved better. Lance deserved better.
Lance deserved so much better. He had poor character development, he gave and gave and gave, and got nothing on return. He kisses Allura and suddenly is altean lmao. His whole arc is romantic plot, he even ends up as a FARMER to "continue spreading Allura's message". Excuse me, wtf. He was all "I love flying and sharpshooting" s1 through s7 and he suddenly becomes a farmer. NO. THIS AIN'T IT. SEASON 8 TREATED HIM THE WORST.
I'M SO ANGRY I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. KLANCE HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL, and it's not just my shipper heart talking, but FACTS. The stars, the colors, the hints, all the theories backed it up and I know they weren't perfect and had holes, but they made more sense than QUIZNAKING A//URANCE. WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR? The slowburn, the lovey dovey eyes, the lgbt sign? Like, ??????????
They teased us bad, I kinda feel queerbaited. I'm so annoyed and disappointed. I tried to stay optimistic till the end, hoping for bi!Lance and canon!Klance, and instead all I got was bi!nothing and canon!heartache. It's the last time we're going to see them canonically and it was such a bitter goodbye, like breaking up with your first love. What a heartbreak.
How am I supposed to get over this and move on? It hurts so freaking much, all I have left is fanart and fanfiction. I'm salty and hurt and sad and disappointed and FUCK YOU VOLTRON. All the characters deserved better. I'm not happy.
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thekatemarlowe · 3 years ago
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Thoughts: NICOLA YOON’s Instructions for Dancing
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*Spoiler Alert* No, just no. Oh, Kate, here pick up this super lighthearted romance! It won’t be like a punch to the gut AT ALLLLL, it has a great message about love…I have been duped. Instructions for Dancing is about a young girl who has lost all faith in love after she caught her father with another woman who was NOT her mother. Through events, she develops a magical ability that gives her the power to see a couple’s future and all she sees around her is grief and despair. Not one happy ending in site. The book asks the age-old question, “if you knew when you were going to die, would you bother living?” This story made me laugh so hard at times and I LOVED each character equally, but as someone who has dealt with divorce, I have also developed a negative outlook on love. I always felt like love stories never end at the ending, they actually end at the beginning of the couple’s story and what you don’t see is heartbreak and suffering and having to start the cycle all over again. When I started reading this book, I was relating to the main character Evie and thankful that she was learning the hard truth sooner rather than later. I was unwilling to be swayed to the idea that love, even with the possibility of loss, is still worth it in the end and I knew it was coming. Girl met boy, boy was the energy she needed to get over her cynicism, they both realize they love each other, the end, cute and simple……Except it wasn’t that easy. Ultimately, Nicola Yoon teaches us the lesson that love is worth whatever heartache you may suffer, but Evie finds out that her story ends with her new love dying. And I’m sorry, but no….I didn’t need that. I was ready for a cute and hopeful love story and what I got was a harsh but insightful life lesson. Dancing is a lot more complicated than it looks but not nearly as complicated as love apparently.
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kingdomofbretonxrpg · 5 years ago
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Congratulations Dani! We are delighted to welcome Gen de Barbarac to wait tables with her smile on her face to the citizens of the Kingdom of Breton. Please complete our after acceptance checklist. We are looking forward to seeing you develop her! Please send in her blog within 48 hours!
Character
Name: Genevieve ‘Gen’ de Barbarac
Birthdate and Age: October 7th, 25
Preferred Pronouns: She/Her
Faceclaim: Elizabeth Olsen
House Affiliation: Anjou
Profession: waitress
Claim: unclaimed
Children: no
Designation: submissive
Sexuality: bicurious
What is their symbol?: watercolor crescent moon/stars tattoo on her forearm that she designed herself (here), and a crescent moon necklace (here)
Kinks: toys, bondage, tpe, rough sex, marking, spanking, body worship, overstimulation, sensory play, mild degradation/humiliation, like honestly i’m open to p much anything but the anti’s
Anti-kinks: extreme pain, bathroom play, caning, needles
Biography: Genevieve’s life had never been easy. From the moment she was born it came with hurdles. Her mother was young and unclaimed and scared and within a day of giving birth she left the newborn at a nunnery, leaving no name or note, just a blanket wrapped safely around her. Left with no other option, she was put into an orphanage that the nuns ran, the women naming her after the patron Saint Genevieve (whom the orphanage was also named after). The women all doted on her, took care of her, but sadly, no one ever decided to adopt baby Gen. The nuns raised her as their own though and one in particular, Sister Agnes, practically became like her mother. Agnes had been the one that had answered the door that night after all, so she felt an inherent need to protect and nurture the child. Gen even decided on legally taking her last name when she was older- De Barbarac, along with affiliating herself with the house of her ‘mother’- Anjou. Despite being orphaned, Gen grew up pretty alright. She and the other kids were homeschooled, she shared a room with a girl who became like a sister (until she was adopted). Gen liked to read and play, she liked to draw–really liked to draw. She was just like any other kid. It wasn’t until she started entering her tween years that she started to feel a bit of resentment- and a lot of heartache. Why was it that no one wanted to adopt her? Why didn’t her own parents want her? What had she done wrong? What was wrong with her? She was fourteen when she ran away from the orphanage, all the pent up heartbreak and frustration making her lash out. It barely lasted a week though before she wound up back on their doorstep, dirty and hungry and Sister Agnes was shaking and in tears as she clung to her. Gen would never forget how guilty she felt. She may not have a mom or a dad, but she had a parent. She had someone who loved her. She promised to do better. Gen stayed at the orphanage even after she turned eighteen. She’d long since come to terms with the fact that this was her life, this was her home. She helped keep the place running- especially as the Sisters were getting on in years, cooking and cleaning and helping with the children. She helped plant a garden, repainted and decorated the whole place. The love of drawing she had as a child translated well into adulthood and Gen now has a deep love for art, more often than not could be found sketching in a pad or painting on a canvas. She didn’t go to a fancy university, and Gen never really had any money, but she made it work for most of her life thus far. She was almost twenty-two when she finally moved out, getting herself a little apartment less than ten minutes from the orphanage, one with plenty of space for easels and canvases and big open windows that she loved. She got herself a job too-one she still had now as a waitress. She didn’t make much, but she made enough for food and rent, and even had a little extra she always managed to send to the Sisters. She still had moments where she wondered about her birth parents. Had nights where she couldn’t sleep because all she kept thinking was what is wrong with me? But those nights are few and far in between. She has hope that one day she’ll find someone who wants her. One day she might even have a family of her own. And that was enough for now.
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distant-rose-archive-blog · 8 years ago
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52 documents, 5 excel and 30 aesthetics on Little Pirates? Are you kidding? I WANT IT ALL! For real though, that much work into it, how much did/how far did you plot? I'm just curious because I really do love your universe.
Anon, legit Harrison, Wes and Beth are fully realized adults with heartaches, hardships and even their own children in my head. I think I’ve plotted as far as Beth being roughly 50 years old. On top of that, I also had to develop a supporting cast and shit, so there’s development on at least 30 other characters outside of my Jonses children. But if you want a taste of some of the plot work/headcanons I have regarding Harrison, Wes and Beth, I’ve left you roughly twenty plot points/facts I have planned out for them below the cut. So, spoilers, I guess?
Harrison Jones
gentle giant trope as fuck - legit had the body of a linebacker and the soul of a baby deer
looks like he could kill you, but is legit a cinnamon roll
anxious perfectionist puppy complete with slight OCD (has a constant need for organization and will pick up after you without your asking)
serious self-esteem issues/constantly doubts self - compares himself to parents and grandparents too much
a very firm believer in good form/bit of a black and white view on morality - made fun of by morally questionable younger siblings because of this
very much an old soul in a young body
gives so much and expects nothing in return - would give a stranger the shirt off his back
loves food more than he loves you/eats Killian and Emma out of house and home because he is a big boy and LET’S NOT FORGET THE BACON FOLKS! BACON IS HIS ONE TRUE LOVE
hates, legit hates, being compared to his dad/told that he is just like his dad - is deliberately clean shaven and keeps his hair on the long side so people don’t confuse them and people still call him Killian (Is privately like “excuse you I’m like a good five inches taller and at least fifty pounders heavier than my dad” but would never say it aloud because that’s hella rude and he’s a polite mofo)
beanies and bomber jackets forever with this babe
spends a ridiculous amount of time at Granny’s Diner playing darts and fixing things that are broken because he likes being helpful/useful
has a photographic memory and remembers a crazy amount of shit (most likely to catch you in a lie)
will bail you out of jail if necessary but expect a lecture on how you need to clean up your act
Closest to his “cousin” Neal but gets along with most people
Incredibly nice and sweet, but does a psycho mode where if you threaten his family or put a knife to his neck he has no issues snapping your neck/going Freddie Krueger on your ass sometimes blacks out during these violent episodes because he doesn’t like he doesn’t like hurting people and it’s hard thing to put on his conscious
accomplished musician - plays guitar, bass and piano
literally has no clue how handsome/beautiful he is and cannot take compliments/gets super uncomfortable/blushes constantly
Hates coffee but drinks it anyway because he’s a caffeine addict
Has horrible hand-eye coordination as a kid because he was constantly growing and because of that is terrible with swordplay. He got better in his late teens but never picked it up again. Prefers long-range weapons such as bows and throwing darts
legit has the same password for fucking everything - it’s either 1227 (his birthday) or seaweed1227 (Seaweed is his dog’s name)
is legit the world’s most doting and loyal boyfriend/is dating Aladdin and Jasmine’s daughter and worships the ground she walks upon. (He then becomes the world’s most doting husband and father of three adorable babies.)
takes over for Emma as sheriff alongside Neal
Wes Jones
sarcastic asshole magician who is jaded as fuck trope
looks like he could kill you and would probably kill you
has absolutely no filter and doesn’t care if he hurts your feelings
gives zero fucks about authority and goes out of his way to make sure any person of authority knows about it
snarkiest and sassiest mofo alive and enjoys letting you know
most accepting of non-conventional things because he literally doesn’t care and will just go with the flow/won’t even blink at something considered “weird”, he’s more like “yeah, whatever (might or might not have some unconventional relationships of his own regarding Gideon and Bobbi)
is secretly a competitive asshole and will cheat to win/do not play cards with this child
legit hates tomatoes and ketcup more than life itself. Nothing angers Wes more than when his order gets screwed up and he ends up with either. He will actually refuse to eat it.
most likely to hotwire your car or steal your wallet because he’s bored and he can/he would give it back to you at the end of the day however
most introverted out of the siblings/sometimes cannot deal with people/will put up his hoodie and put in his earphones, which is essentially his way of telling you to leave him the fuck alone.
The best with magic out of his siblings since he’s good at compartmentalizing/is constantly practcing and studying magic with Gideon and Bobbi (What I can Baby Robyn in this universe)/ Is basically Power of Three with Gideon and Bobbi
Literally puts no effort into dating/sex life - it’s mainly other people coming to him and he’s like “yeah sure”/possibly aromantic
Doesn’t really crave human contact/interaction but he likes it for the most part. Could live on without it however.
Emotionally unaware at times/a complete idiot when it comes to how other people feel
Though emotionally stunted at times, don’t fuck with his mother, sister, “cousin” Ruthie, Bobbi or Gideon because boy will straight up break your hand to prove a point/A ridiculous dirty ass fighter/will not play by the rules
Has a massive sweet-tooth/constantly has hard candies like mints and caramels on his person
Hoodies are his uniform
Has long ass blonde hair (think Thor or Sunshine from Remember the Titans) and often keeps it in a man bun - Emma HATES it
His iTunes library is bigger than yours/loves music and plays the drums
He doesn’t make a habit of apologizing but if he’s sorry he’s more likely to make a quiet gesture than verbally apologize
Ends up running a music store/backend magic store with Gideon and Bobbi
Beth Jones
daddy’s girl tomboy femme fatale trope aka miss I will fuck you up and you will not only thank me but beg for more
looks like a cinnamon roll but is actually a SINnamon roll…who could kill you
absolutely Daddy’s Little Girl/super ridiculously close to her dad to the point that they’re very good at predicting what the other is going to do/going to react
her most prized possession is her “hook” necklace that her dad gave her on her sixteenth birthday (it’s legit just a fish hook bent to look like Killian’s hook on a chain) and she never takes it off
is left-handed so she had a hard time learning things from people growing up (ex. Harrison tried to teach her how to play guitar and it ended miserably)
loves animals more than she loves people, and will go nuts over cute dogs and cats. Beth has a habit of going up to strange dogs and making kissy noises at them while scratching their ears and never saying a word to the owner
Beth thinks she should be the one to inherit the Jolly and is prepared to fight her brothers for it.
will attack you with your biggest insecurity/weakness if she feels uncomfortable and doesn’t want to deal with something/would rather have a fight than an emotionally meaningful conversation especially on painful topics
scarily manipulative at times and lies super easily/can think of a convincing lie on the spot when necessary - she disturbs her family with this “gift”
really hates disappointing her parents so if she plans on doing something or something happens that she thinks they won’t like, she will do her best to hide it from them
loyal to friends and family to a fault/will go the distance and die for them a thousand times over
loves wearing dark lipstick, it’s her signature make up move
impulsive and legit has negative amounts of self control
Closest to her “cousin” Ruthie - hated each other when they were kids, but get a better understanding of each other when they get older. Ruthie listens to her relationship drama
drop dead gorgeous and she knows it/will use her looks to her advantage if necessary
very casual with sex but fears actual intimacy. She has a really bad relationship when she was 15/16 and it ended horribly after she had pregnancy scare (only Henry knows this about this however)
has an amazing sense of direction/navigation - very good at mental mapping
the best at swordplay out of her siblings and legit spends two hours a day going over her forms and practicing. She also collects swords and makes sure to practice at least two weeks with any from her collection so she’s comfortable with them. Her favorite sword however is a german rapier.
feels out of place in Storybrooke, makes an ill-thought out wish, ends up in the Enchanted Forrest and legit has a pirate adventure to get back home only to decide that she really likes pirating and it becomes her calling she may or may not have a cache of magic beans at her disposal thanks to a certain pirate she befriends on her journey
dates Ariel’s son at one point, it ends in heartbreak (not either of their fault’s though) and makes Beth afraid of the concept of True Love. (he might have or might have not died trying to save her)
may or may not wear a red great coat as part of her pirate uniform
legit becomes frenemies/rivals with Jim Hawkins/she may or may not have a thing or him she totally does
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pandabearlikes · 8 years ago
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Ten Steps
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Characters: Baekhyun x You Genre: Angst, Romance
The first and the last - we always remember those.  But what about everything in the middle?  All the smiles, and footprints, sand between our toes.  The heartbreaks, the accidents, the one who said “No”.  Or the dramatic tragedies sprung out of simple friends turned into foes.  When was the beginning?  When do I learn to let go?  
When will I learn to let go?  
Because truth is…the title of “First” became a race; a predetermined battle I couldn’t hold.  The title “First” belonged to another who stole your heart with her sweet nectarine smile, gentle taps of her fingertips along piano keys, and voice of an angel, inevitably reeling you in like a lion fallen for his prey.  
Lima Syndrome - the diagnosis given when the abductor develops sympathy and love for his hostage.  I watched as days passed and your eyes twinkle with confusion.  The once cold stonehearted Byun Baekhyun actually learned to smile.  Soft footprints trailed wherever you walked like dents casting deep within my heart.  And it hurt.  It hurt because I wanted to be the girl to unlock the chains guarding your heart.  
Abandoned children with worthless souls, we fed on scraps and crumbs forsaken in trash bins.  We were taken in by our master; trained as ruthless and emotionless spies for ten years.  For ten years.  120 months.  521 weeks.  3650 days.  We’ve known each other.  I bathed in your sweat during countless spars and witnessed your flesh succumb under the gash of steel.  I stood outside your recovery room as surgeons pieced you back together, bone by bone, after a bomb went off meters from you during a mission.  
And yet.  
Ten years couldn’t compare to those ten steps she took as she rushed toward you, withered and raged, with a knife in one hand and curses spurting out of her lips.  She pierced your heart but instead of blood, I saw the silver glimmer of a weapon turned into a key to your heart.  
“LET ME GO!  LET ME GO!” she screamed everyday as she banged against her cell.
“As soon as your father hands over the military documents, our Master will let you go,” you spoke with your expressions stoic.  But the single ripple in your feigned cold voice betrayed your human soul.  You think I wouldn’t know?
“Kill her,” Master had commanded when the military commander chose his country over his own daughter; thus, refused to comply with our bargain.  
A pistol sat against the side of her head but you rushed forward to intercept her fate.  The bullet missed your heart by a mere half inch.  And I don’t know why.  I don’t know when…ten steps.  Ten steps were all it took, as I rushed forward to back you up.  Ten years of loyalty for our organization ended as soon as I pulled the trigger against the man who “fathered” us when our blood parents left us out to deteriorate into rotted flesh.  
I must be crazy.  
I must be a fool.  
“Protect her,” you begged as I sewed your torn flesh back together.  Scarlet dyed gauze in a matter of minutes.  I carved out the bullet without the bat of an eyelash.  And yet my heart hurt.
Your bloody fingers grabbed hold of my hand and I froze in paralysis, silently contemplating on how it was the first time you held my hand.  Instead of the frigidness, I often felt during our spars, I felt the feverish heat.  Your forehead bathed in droplets of sweat and your onyx eyes stared up at me with puddles of emotions - so raw and rare.  My heart skipped a beat, having foolishly mistaken it to be for me.  “Bring her back to her family,” you almost beg.
And it hurts but I don’t make a sound.
With the strength of your elbow, you tried to prop yourself upright.
“Don’t,” I strictly warned.  “Don’t move a single inch or you’ll bleed to death,” I failed to hide my heartache as my eyes glazed over in water. My lips trembled as I finished the final stitch with a surgical constrictor knot.  Your blood caked along my fingertips and dried in my nails.
You called for my name.  
And it hurt.  
It hurt so, so much.
For the first time, we weren’t souls hidden in shadows and identified by numbers.    
And yet, as I followed your longing gaze to that of the shivering girl in the corner of the room, I knew.  I know you don’t love me.  I was a comrade - not your “First”.  Not your “Last”.  
“Bring her back before sunrise,” you requested.  I closed my eyes.
I wondered and pondered what made her so special to you?  What did you see in her that you couldn’t find in me?  Because I knew, you knew I loved you…and that I would do anything you asked.  I bled for you; died for you countless times.  My fingers graze along the five-inch scar running down my shoulder blade where I had once used my own body as your shield.  
Your soft fingers squeezed my wrist, leaving pink streaks similar to the imprints within my heart.  “Take her home.  It’s too dangerous.”
Too dangerous.  You and I both knew that our betrayal to the organization meant that sooner or later, we’d be hunted down…our flesh drenched in acid, bones snapped, and bodies vanished into ashes within fire.  Too dangerous…for her.  Because you want her safe.
My skin coated with a fresh layer of dew as your hold tightened for my attention.  
“As soon as you are well enough to move, we’ll all escape together,” I bargained.
But you shook your head in gloom.  “I’m fine.”
“You are not fine,” I corrected as I push you back to rest against the makeshift surgical table.  
Your eyelid twitched as you narrowed your eyes, scrutinizing my subdued expression.  I continued to clean around your wound without acknowledging your plead on the girl’s behalf.  
“Go,” you almost ordered.
I stayed quiet and professionally rolled the compression gauze around your torso.  Gnawing at your inner cheek, you clenched your fists and forcefully jotted up to a sitting position.
“Byun Baekhyun.  Lay back down!” I commanded with eyes glaring with fury.
Instead, you tossed your slim legs over and began to slip one arm through your bloodied shirt.
“I’ll bring her back by myself,” you concluded as you grind your teeth with impatience.  Rough movements tugged at your sutures and even the normally callous Byun Baekhyun couldn’t suppress a hiss.  
“Byun Baekhyun!  Do you want to die!?  I just stitched you up!” I called out as I held onto the balls of your shoulders.
“I don’t give a f*ck.  Once the sun rises, it’ll be impossible to take her home.”  You swung me away with so much strength that my frame crashed against the adjacent storage boxes of the hideout.  Needles, medicine bottles, and a glass petri dish fell to the floor.  Shattered remnants decorated the dusty marble.  I sat still in place as millions of thoughts clouded my weary mind.  
“Mm,” was the only thing I managed to mumble before I pushed myself up on my feet, b-lined straight to the girl, grabbed her up by her forearm, and exited the door…without once looking back to glance at you.  
It took two and a half days to cross the border.  Just ten more steps and my final mission would be complete. And yet, I discovered myself loading my revolver and pointing it directly at the center of the girl’s forehead.  
Why?  
If only you’d care for me like how you care for her…
My lips trembled and fingers shook with grief.
But she means the world to you, doesn’t she?
I dropped the gun down and, instead, pushed her forward to the gates of the army base mansion before fleeing back into the shadows of the forest.  
~
Another day passed and without the burden of the unarmed damsel, I arrived back at the hideout in half the time.  You were asleep, your chest, still wrapped in gauze pads, heaving up and down.  Your shirt half clung along your body.  I knelt down beside you and dusted your soft bangs away from your forehead.  
For the first time in the last few days, I felt a sense of calmness again.  I tossed my sweaty camouflage shirt over my head so that only a thin camisole clothed my drenched body.  I pressed my skin closer to yours, willing for our souls to mesh into one.  
“Why are you back?” your coarse voice asked.  Your lashes opened, tickling along my cheeks.  I just answered with a simple smile.  You repeated the question, this time, with my name.  “Why are you back?  You crossed the border to safety.  Why did you come back?”
Even if we have to die, I’ll choose death if it means I can be with you.
With the quiver of my lips, I brave a sad smile and stroke your jawline just as how I’ve always wanted but was never brave enough to do.
“Does she mean the world to you?” I, instead, ask a question that had been lingering in my mind.  A red laser point appeared along the wall.  Another flashed, for a brief moment, along your collarbone.  Automatically, I moved my body over to play the role of your armor.  
“You shouldn’t have returned!  They’re going to find this place soon,” you reprimanded as the first shot pierced through my back.  I bit my tongue and daren’t move.  My eyes continued to memorize the raw emotions racing through your handsome face…
Another bullet shot through my lung.  This time, I failed to quiet a hiss. I caught your eyes of utter shock as my body fell limp into your warm embrace.  So…so much emotions…for once, meant for me.  
You called my name…once…twice…Your arm wrapped tightly around me like never before…Everything was warm and sweet like how I’ve always imagined.  Swiftly, you bundled me up, rolling along the floor to avoid the endless rain of bullets.  Pipes dented, walls whittled with holes.  
Everything hurts…and yet…it doesn’t.  
We ended up crammed in a temporary shelter within a fridge at the back of the hideout.  Drips of my blood stained the icy floor and bled into crevices like branches of a haunted willow tree.  Puffs of steam appear in the air as I heaved but it’s not as cold as I imagined.  You called for me over and over again as you stuffed me deep within your protection.  As I weakly peeped my face out to take another greedy gander of your zealous face, I realized that I have fallen in love with even the beads of sweat lining your forehead, your matted hair, and even the imperfect blemishes along your skin.  
“I…I…” I tried to start as I lift my heavy arm up so I could brush off the speckles of dirt dusting your cheeks.  Immediately, you grabbed my hand and placed it against your face.  “I…I brought her…safe-safely…home.  I wa-watched her enter the man-mansion before leaving.”  A tear rushed down the corner of my eyes as I whispered, “I know how much she means to you…”
You placed your chin on top of my head as streams of emotions rush down your face.  
“I brought her home…” I continued to repeat over and over again, each time a little softer than the previous.  
My white cami dyed in an ocean of crimson.  
Lashes pressed against one another; eyelids swayed about.  With pearled dewdrops sprinkled underneath each eye, I gazed up at the faulty perspective of those eyes, that nose, those kissable lips…everything I grew to love…
How do I learn to let go?
“I love you…” I mouthed as pearls demolish into streams running down my wet cheeks.
My lips parted to repeat again the three words of my ultimate confession, only, to be intercepted by the warmth of your breath.  And I think I’m dreaming or under a spell; an illusion granted upon sinful souls right before they enter Hell.  Our kiss was short and sweet, but oh so filled with emotions.  I could feel every tremble and taste the saltiness of your tears.
“I kn-kn-now,” you choked as you held me so tightly against you I thought I would crumble into your soul.  Your lips pressed against my forehead.  A trace of mercury red transferred onto your fingertips as you tried with all your might to prolong the life of the dead.      
I know I wasn’t you “First”….but can I be your “Last”?      
Light reentered the cubicle as assassins kicked down the door.  One step.  Two step.  Three.  Four…FiveSixSevenEight…Nine…
Ten.
Instantly, you spun us both around. Bang!  Bang!  Shots fired and even though they didn’t physically wound me, it hurt more than ever as I helplessly watched you use your body to protect my broken one.
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A/N: -dodges raining bullets- Why do my Baekhyun scenarios never have a happy ending? (っ- ‸ – ς) I’m so terrible.  Still, I hope you guys like this raw scenario!  More to come for the 30+ Days of Daily Scenario Update!!
If you didn’t know, I posted a scenario yesterday.  You can read here >>Doctor of Heart<<
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>>Story Master Archive<<  
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bittcrglory · 7 years ago
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tag dump !
❪ ⊱ — ❛ the way a field turns its secrets into peonies. ❜ ┊QUOTES. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ there is something moon soaked and dawn flavoured about her. ❜ ┊FACECLAIM. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ sickly sweet and riddled with empty spaces. ❜ ┊ANSWERED. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ i’m the girl made of heartbreak and heartache. ❜ ┊CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ perhaps home has always been the sea and not the sunflower fields i was raised in. ❜ ┊PAST. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ i have only seen heaven from the postcards. ❜ ┊HEADCANONS. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ picking all the petals off the flowers that you gave me. ❜ ┊MENTIONS. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ the marigolds know our name and hum it back to me like a hymn. ❜ ┊AUDIO. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ when the glories under her eyes start to wilt. ❜ ┊FACELESS. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ covered in dirt with flushed cheeks of lilac. ❜ ┊WARDROBE. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ she keeps her best sunrises in her pocket. ❜ ┊EDITS. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ trees have their roots and their leaves are our dreams. ❜ ┊MEMES. // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ dream of your ankles brushed by dark violets, of honeybees above you. ❜ ┊AESTHETICS. //  ❪ ⊱ — ❛ flowers grow back even after they are stepped on. ❜ ┊MUSINGS. //  ❪ ⊱ — ❛ i’m a day dreamer and a night thinker. ❜ ┊OOC ; SHANNAE ! // ❪ ⊱ — ❛ different roads sometimes lead to the same queue. ❜ ┊QUEUE. //  ❪ ⊱ — ❛ these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe. ❜ ┊MASON STOKELY.  //  ❪ ⊱ — ❛ my trigger fingers would only hold your heart to break it. ❜ ┊ALISTAIRE LENNARD.
#tag dump.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ the way a field turns its secrets into peonies. ❜ ┊QUOTES.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ there is something moon soaked and dawn flavoured about her. ❜ ┊FACECLAIM.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ sickly sweet and riddled with empty spaces. ❜ ┊ANSWERED.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ i’m the girl made of heartbreak and heartache. ❜ ┊CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ perhaps home has always been the sea and not the sunflower fields i was raised in. ❜ ┊PAST.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ when the glories under her eyes start to wilt. ❜ ┊FACELESS.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ covered in dirt with flushed cheeks of lilac. ❜ ┊WARDROBE.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ picking all the petals off the flowers that you gave me. ❜ ┊MENTIONS.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ the marigolds know our name and hum it back to me like a hymn. ❜ ┊AUDIO.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ she keeps her best sunrises in her pocket. ❜ ┊EDITS.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ trees have their roots and their leaves are our dreams. ❜ ┊MEMES.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ dream of your ankles brushed by dark violets of honeybees above you. ❜ ┊AESTHETICS.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ flowers grow back even after they are stepped on. ❜ ┊MUSINGS.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ i’m a day dreamer and a night thinker. ❜ ┊OOC ; SHANNAE !#❪ ⊱ — ❛ different roads sometimes lead to the same queue. ❜ ┊QUEUE.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ these scars will bleed but both of our hearts believe. ❜ ┊MASON STOKELY.#❪ ⊱ — ❛ my trigger fingers would only hold your heart to break it. ❜ ┊ALISTAIRE LENNARD.
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theinquisitivej · 7 years ago
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‘Wind River’ - A Movie Review
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I was tempted to call this piece ‘Wind Review’ but decided against it. Whether that was for the better or for the worse, I will leave up to you.
‘Wind River’ could easily work as a three or six-part TV miniseries. The set-up and aesthetic is reminiscent of the bleak modern mystery genre that has been popular on television in recent years, with such notable examples as ‘Broadchurch’, ‘Fortitude’, ‘Top of the Lake’, and various critically acclaimed Nordic crime series. In another world, ‘Wind River’ would have found its place on BBC or Sky, and have told its story over 4-6 hours, with additional characters, suspects, and the occasional twist and turn to keep the mystery going.
          But instead, we get a self-contained narrative that avoids drawing things out unnecessarily. Jeremy Renner is a tracker that works with the bare-bones police force of Wind River, a snow-covered Indian Reservation in Wyoming. He discovers the body of an 18-year-old girl who was an inhabitant of the reservation, and gets drawn into the investigation due to his knowledge of the area, the lacklustre resources of local law enforcement, and the FBI agent assigned to this case (played by Elizabeth Olsen) being a little wet-behind-the-ears and out of her depth. The film keeps its total number of characters limited and focuses on giving them just enough development to have them fill out their assigned role well enough. The plot progresses in a straight-forward fashion with few tangents or twists along the way. Our investigators simply follow the basic clues until they find their culprit and the story is resolved. In fact, when we had reached the climax, it took me a minute to realise we were approaching the end of our story. On the one hand, this makes for a lean, streamlined plot that works to the film’s advantage. On the other hand, I think the pacing suffers as a result. The opening is the slowest part of the film, taking its time with ambient shots. These set the scene and show what Wind River is like as a place, but by prioritising this, the film takes a little longer to establish a connection between the audience and our lead characters. I did eventually get there, and once I had, I was fully invested. But the 20-30 minutes that preceded this did somewhat drag its heels. By comparison, the film’s last act isn’t exactly rushed, but it does come earlier than you expect, which makes the structure feel uneven.
          Another area where the structure suffered due to pacing is when a piece of evidence appears that doesn’t seem to have any bearing on the narrative. Halfway through the film they discover something that seems like it should be a grand reveal, possibly putting the investigation in a new light. But then the scene abruptly ends, and we cut to the characters discussing a suspect that was captured earlier. Little to no mention is made of the new piece of evidence that had been just found. It’s possible that I missed something because I occasionally struggled to make out what the characters were saying, but the rest of the film plays out with very little discussion of that one piece of evidence. I didn’t even remember it until the film was over and my girlfriend brought it up, and it was only then that I worked out what its significance to the story was. As a piece of the film’s puzzle, this element is handled awkwardly and confusingly, and given how focused the rest of the plot is, it feels like an unnecessary detraction.
          Still, the performances do win you over and make you interested in seeing what happens to these characters. Of particular note is Gil Birmingham as the victim’s father, who impressively encapsulates the pain of a grieving family member that has not only endured much in his life beforehand, but has been pushed to a breaking point with this tragedy, and is all too aware of the bleak future that lies ahead for his remaining family. At first he seems needlessly obstructive, until you realise that his dismissive nature is only because he sees how little the inexperienced FBI agent understands him or his family. She has no idea what they are going through until she is confronted with the heartbreaking reality of it. It’s only when he is with a character who has known him and is familiar with the pain he’s experiencing where his barriers collapse, and Birmingham sells the character’s vulnerability so well that it hurts to watch. The rest of the cast do a commendable job in their given roles, but Birmingham, despite his small amount of screen time, is the one that captures the deep heartache that the film needed in order to work.
          I should also mention the one or two action sequences in the movie. ‘Wind River’ is certainly not an action film, but when it needs to, it constructs tense action scenes remarkably well. The camera does a lot of free movement, even in scenes where no action is happening and characters are just talking. I can’t tell if a living, breathing person was holding the camera at these moments, but it did make me think of breathing, and during certain conversations this added a sense of intimacy as characters laid their vulnerabilities bare. Meanwhile in the action scenes, this would accentuate the deep panting and heavy breathing as people fought for their lives in tense situations while dealing with dangerous conditions. One sequence around the middle is especially noteworthy, as it’s a highlight of using camera movement and sound-design to simulate both disorientation and the adrenaline of knowing you can’t let your guard down for a moment or you’ll be killed.
          Having said my criticisms earlier about the heavy emphasis on establishing atmosphere and how that leads to a slow start, there’s no denying the inherent beauty of seeing a vast natural landscape covered in snow. It’s serene, but also has a hint of the ominous as you take in the sheer cold of it all, and realise how truly dangerous a frozen setting can be. In addition to being an appropriate place to set a crime thriller that accentuates the deadly tone of this story, it also enables ‘Wind River’ to examine some subject matter that is worth talking about, even as it’s suitably uncomfortable to experience. Being in a place like Wind River, surrounded by nothing but snow for miles and miles, can wear you down. It’s not just the freezing temperatures, but the fact that snow blankets everything in white, making everything you see monochromatic. It drains your life of colour, and the intensity of white snow can be blinding. That could drive a person to madness. In ‘Wind River’, this desolate setting tests people, long before any murder takes place, and it either makes them stronger, or breaks them. It is a glimpse at the harsh existence that Native Americans have been forced to endure in places like this.
          What’s worse, the film opens with a brief caption claiming that this story was inspired by true events. Of course, it’s highly likely that the film has taken considerable liberties with whatever source material it used in order to tell a structured narrative with characters that are either entirely fictional, or fictionalised versions of real-life people. However, as the closing captions indicate, this is only an example of countless cases in which Native American women have gone missing, and not only are many of them unsolved, but the FBI doesn’t keep statistics on missing Native American Women, meaning their numbers aren't even known. This story provides some catharsis, only to reveal that the root problem is still out there in the real world. Just as Jeremy Renner’s character is doing this investigation to get a small sense of closure for a trauma he and his family suffered in the past, we get answers for this mystery, but must accept the reality of the situation. Other families, real families, are continuing to suffer the heartache of never knowing the fate of lost family members taken from them. The snow of Wind River represents a gaping void, and it has claimed far more than just the characters of this film.
          ‘Wind River’s effective atmosphere complements its unsettling subject matter, and it has a collection of decent performances and memorable action sequences for good measure. It is held back by its uneven pacing and a straight-forward plot; perhaps if it had one or two more developments to make the narrative more complex, we could sink our teeth deeper into it. Then again, I do applaud it for its focus, so maybe it’s for the best that it doesn’t add unnecessary complications.
7/10.
A satisfying atmospheric thriller that I’m glad I’m saw. Recommended, even if it’s only for the one viewing.
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anythingstephenking · 8 years ago
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Sometimes… dead is bettah.
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The soil of a man’s heart is... stonier. 
True story.
If there was one novel I was most anticipating revisiting, it is Pet Sematary. It was my favorite from childhood. Which makes me worry just slightly about my mental health, as this is a tragic, dark and heartbreaking tale.
This is far and away the darkest of King I’ve read to date (not counting any Bachman). For me, it most closely paralleled The Shining in level of tragedy and study of what humans are capable of. The Shining showed us what isolation can do; Pet Sematary shows us what death can do.
Stories in which King draws inspiration from his own personal experiences make for his strongest storytelling. The Shining after his time in Colorado; Cujo after crossing a junkyard dog; and Pet Sematary while living on Route 15 in Orrington, Maine.
In the late 70’s King chose to settle in Maine and teach a course at his alma mater, The University of Maine at Orono. His curriculum was focused on British horror (of course) and included Dracula, Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde, and Frankenstein. I know I wasn’t even born yet, but man, I wish I was in this classroom.
Steve and Tabs, along with their young children Naomi, Joseph and Owen, rented a farmhouse on Route 15. A papermill lay at the end of the busy road, and the trucks took the lives of many pets, including Naomi’s cat Smucky. 
RIP Smucky. 
There was a close call when King snapped Owen up right before he ran into the road. And lastly, behind the farmhouse  was a cemetery for the dead animals killed in the road, with a sign spray painted by the kids calling it “Pets Sematary”. So that was that.
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The house the King family lived in.
The real life Pet Sematary in Orrington has been picked clean by King fans over the years, which is a bummer. This is why we can’t have nice things.
King kept this book shelved for a while. King’s friends and even Tabs said it was too much. And here’s the thing - it is too much. Recalling the movie, you remember the terror of Zelda and Gage creepily calling “come an’ play with me daddy”. The novel spends less than 30 pages on the third act, but it is decidedly more horrifying than anything they could translate to the screen.
The novel was finally published in 1983, when King was severing ties with his publisher Doubleday, and moving onto a new contract with Viking. Tabs suggested he send along Pet Sematary (good ol’ Tabs to the rescue again!) to finish out his last contracted novel with them. And it seemed for the first time, their original hunches were wrong, because folks just loved this book.
And I love it too, but I am honestly scratching my head wondering why. Like most other King novels, the characters are wonderfully developed and flawed. But unlike most other King novels, there is no happiness or escape. The story is one of death and grief and the limits human beings will push when confronted head on with these things.
I have to start with the books preface.
Here are some people who have written books, telling what they did and why they did those things:
John Dean. Henry Kissinger. Adolf Hitler. Caryl Chessman. Jeb Magruder. Napoleon. Talleyrand. Disraeli. Robert Zimmerman, also known as Bob Dylan. Locke. Charlton Heston. Errol Flynn. The Ayatollah Khomeini. Gandhi. Charles Olson. Charles Colson. A Victorian Gentleman. Dr X.
Most people also believe that God has written a Book, or Books, telling us what He did and why - at least to a degree - He did those things, and since most of these people also believe that humans were made in the image of God, then He also may be regarded as a person… or more properly, as a Person.
Here are some people that have not written books, telling what they did… and what they saw:
The man who buried Hitler. The man who performed the autopsy on John Wilkes Booth. The man who embalmed Elvis Presley. The man who embalmed - badly most undertakers say - Pope John Paul XXIII. The twoscore undertakers who cleaned up Jonestown, carrying body bags, spearing paper cups with those spikes custodians carry in city parks, waving off the flies. The man who cremated William Holden. The man who encased the body of Alexander the Great in gold so it would not rot. The men who mummified the Pharaohs.
Death is a mystery, and burial is a secret.
And that my friends is how this book begins. Chills before we even start.
Back to Doubleday for a second. Knowing this was the last of the King bucks they were going to see, they pushed this book… hard (that’s what she said). And they pushed it under the guise of “The only book to even scare Stephen King.” People were rightfully curious about what could possibly scare the man himself. Me, I hope the person that came up with that tagline got a big raise. I’m not sure King actually said it scared him. I think he thought it was too dark, which is decidedly different that “too scary” but I guess the Doubleday marketing department did not give a shit.
But, yes, I guess this book is scary. but not in a jump out and bite ya kinda way. Gage taking the scalpel and running amuck is just a blip on the radar of this story. No, it’s scary because it gets inside your mind and stays there. What would you do if you were Louis Creed? What would anyone do in that situation? Could you resist the urge to turn back time if you knew that power was out there?
Death radiates from every pore of this story. First from tales Jud Crandall tells while he and Louis sip beers on the porch. Judd and his wife Norma live across the busy road from the Creed family, and they become close friends in some weird May-December friendship way that I guess happened back when there was no Netflix.
When the Creed family cat dies, Jud takes Louis out past the pet cemetery to the indian burial ground. Remember when I said that Gage’s spree blipped through the story on the last 30 pages? King spends almost the same number of words recounting Louis and Judd’s first trek to the Micmac burial grounds.
“The sound seemed at first distant, then very close; moving away then moving ominously toward them. Louis felt the sweat on his forehead begin to trickle down his chapped cheeks. He shifted the Hefty Bag with Church’s body in it from one hand to the other. His palm had dampened, and the green plastic seemed greasy, wanting to slide through his fist. Now the thing out there seemed to be so close that Louis expected to see its shape at any moment, rising up on two legs perhaps, blotting out the stars with some unthought-of, immense and shaggy body. “
Well everyone knows things that are buried in that ground come back to life. Which is pretty a-ok. Church comes back and he seems different, but not enough for anyone to really notice. He just is a bit dumber and slower - and I mean, he’s a cat, so what do you expect? They’re dumb and slow. 
The real tragedy begins when Gage, the two year old son of the Creed family, is run over by a tanker truck outside their home. The description of the scene is graphic and terrifying. 
And even if you don’t know the story, you know what’s coming next. Overcome by the death, Louis buries Gage’s body in the burial grounds. And it ruins everything.
Leading up to Gage’s second burial, the grief of the Creed family is long and painful. It’s drawn out in a way where, when Louis gets the shovel and heads for the graveyard, you understand why he’s doing it.
Like the Overlook before it, the burial grounds have a pull on anyone that has set foot there. It pulls Jud (who buried his own dog there as a kid) to bring Church there. It pulls Louis to bring Gage, then Rachel. It convinces him he’s making the right decision. The burial grounds offer a reprieve from pain and heartache, no matter for how brief a time. 
And even after the Creed family is gone, others will continue to be pulled towards the power the Micmac spirits still hold, hundreds of years after they last graced the earth.
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A study of good and evil, right here on my couch.
10/10 - Sad it’s over.
First line: Louis Creed, who had lost his father at three and who had never known a grandfather, never expected to find a father as he entered middle age, but that was exactly what happened.
Last line: “Darling,” it said.
Adaptations:
Story Time! So. Growing up we lived in an old farmhouse that was built in the late 1800’s. I loved this house. I still drive by it when I go home because I’m a weirdo. But it is surprisingly reminiscent of the victorian from Pet Sematary.
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The Google Street view of my old house, because I’m too lazy to go look for an actual picture in a box somewhere.
In this old, creaky, beautiful and wonderful house, the upstairs was split into two sections. The area above the back of the house was closed off, with stairs going down into the kitchen. We referred to this as the “back bedrooms” and in its early years, these were the servants quarters, with a separate stairwell and kitchen access. There also was an outhouse over the barn that we thought was hysterical (two holes cut in a long board) because poop is funny.
I must have been 12 or 13, and had my girlfriends over for a sleepover. These were the years where you lined all your sleeping bags up on the living room floor, painted each other nails, talked about boys (that you could only talk about and not to) and of course, watch scary movies.
Now, this movie is rated R, for good reason, but we wanted to watch it anyways and my mom let us. Bad call moms. Rightfully terrified afterwards, we went to the kitchen for more soda and popcorn. And while we all stood there pretending we weren’t scared of sleeping, my mom had snuck up the front stairs and down the back. She started scratching her fingernails on the closed door and whispering, “Zelda’s going to get you girls.”
Well… six 13 year old girls started screaming at the top of their lungs, so loud that my dad who was sleeping in the den was startled awake and rolled off the couch. I sat down on the floor of the kitchen and cried. (If you know me in real life, this is not surprising you.) My friend Caitlin ran straight out the front door and refused to come back inside.  It was a long time before her mom let her come to my house again.
So that was my first experience with Pet Sematary and as much as I can remember, it was the first movie that scared the shit out of me.
King wrote the screenplay himself, and so it is not surprising that the movie plot follows the book pretty closely. This movie only got made because of a WGA strike in the late 80s - two major studios had turned it down, saying “The time for Stephen King movies has come and gone.” LOL. Dummies. But because there were no writers providing new scripts, they had to pick from what they had. 
Some people say this film doesn’t hold up... but those people are wrong. Maybe it’s because it touched me so deeply as a kid that the terror lingers, but I do still think it’s good. Everyone that saw this movie did the running jump into their beds for weeks afterwards - even on my latest viewing I had to cover my eyes for the scene of Jud Crandall getting his heel cut. The worst.
Now granted, there are some cheesy parts. I described Louis’s fear in his path to the burial grounds in the novel. In the movie we get this:
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But the movie also gives us this painting, soooo….
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Really Zelda is the star of the nightmares. Fun fact: Zelda was played by a teenage boy.
Zelda, while really only a supporting character of Rachel’s aversion to death in the novel, is given prime time for creep in the movie with her twisted spine and spindly fingers. I still gag a little when I think of the scene of young Rachel feeding her what appears to be pea soup, and it just dribbling down Zelda’s chin. :::shudder:::
Fred Gwynne as Jud is the true star of this movie, with his amazing and over the top Maine accent, saying things like “that path down yonder there” and “you gotta bury your own” with a Winston hanging out of his mouth.
There’s a fascinating documentary on Amazon Prime called Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary that is worth a watch. They interview most everyone in the cast and crew. Someday I will go to Maine and see all the things with my own two eyes. But not the original Pet Sematary, because everyone ruined it. Jerks.
Side notes: Gage also played Michelle Tanner’s uber-annoying friend Aaron on Full House. Also, he grew up to be kinda a babe in case you were wondering, which you weren’t but now you’re going to go google it. 
There’s a remake of this in the works and I truly hope it gets made.
To top us off and just for shits and giggles, Jud Crandall’s parody on South Park. Sometimes dead is better.
https://www.hulu.com/watch/254511
(I can’t embed this link, so just click on it.)
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