#❛ ❖ ║ my puddin's a little rough - but he LOVES me ; ( mr. j . )

[tizzie-lizzie]

Harley: I hate shots! I hate shots! Ivy: Now, now. You're not immune to poison like I am. And you won't last ten minutes here in toxic acres, without my antidote! Harley: Oooh- You'd think that after living with Mr. J, I'd be used to a little pain. Ivy: Why do you put up with that clown? Harley: Don't get me wrong, my puddin's a little rough sometimes, but he loves me... weally. Ivy: Sure he does. You're just one big forgiving doormat, aren't you? Harley: I am not a doormat... am I? Ivy: If you had a middle name, it would be "Welcome". But cheer up, kid. You just need some lesson is good old female self steem. In other words, let's play with the boys on our terms. Ivy: @questionable_cos Catwoman: @newt.cosplays #ivy #harleyquinn #dc #catwoman #cosplay #cosplaygirls #dccomics https://www.instagram.com/p/CPYicxarZkA/?utm_medium=tumblr

[batmanie]

Not too subtle

"Oh, Mr. J!" Harley threw her head back, arching her whole body in a seductive pose. "You're so rough! Pushing me onto a bed like that."

“That's because you're a pushover, Harley.” Joker passed the bed, not even gracing the girl with one look. “You stood in my way like a chicken on the road. And you know what I think of chickens...” There was a dangerous ring to his tone of voice. “Actually... I love them!” He laughed.

Harley joined in with a playful giggle.

“So? Do you wanna try out the bed?” She bounced on the mattress, making the little bells on her harlequin-hat jingle happily. “It's so soft and...”

“Not now, Harl, I'm busy.” He sat at the dressing table, searching through the shelves. “The Bat is not gonna kill himself ...or is he?”

“Guess not...” Harleen sighed.

“Woo!” A sound of excitement left Joker's mouth and Harley immediately perked up. “Look what I found.” He fished out a handful of lipsticks from the bottom shelf. “Crimson Morning? Or Scarlet Dream?”

The girl glanced at the shades of red to choose from and thought for a long moment.

“Scarlet Dream,” she finally decided.

In an instant, Joker threw that one to the bin and used the other one. He made a kissy-face at his pale reflection in the mirror.

“Looking good, Mr. J,” Harley tried again, getting out of the bed and moving closer. She wrapped her loving arms around his chest and pressed her breasts to his back.

“You think Batsy is gonna like that color?”

“He better...” She huffed and her puddin' chuckled at that.

“Aw, Harley. My sweet, little Harley,” he turned to her and patter her face. “You're always so supportive to your good, ol' Uncle Joker.”

His silky voice made Harleen shiver and she blushed the Crimson Morning shade of red.

“Anything for ya, Mr. J.”

“Perhaps... I will find some time for you today...”

He raised from where he was sitting and took Harl by the hand, leading her to the obnoxious heart-shaped bed in the bedroom of the cheap motel they currently were using as their hideout. He jumped onto the mattress and pulled his sidekick girl in, allowing her to sit on his lap, almost as if he was Santa and she was a good child waiting for her wishes to come true.

Harley squeaked with joy and hugged him with all her might. “Oh, Puddin', I missed you so much when you were in Arkham.”

“I know, Sugarplum,” he whispered into her ear, causing her to shiver some more. “I got all of your post-cards, which by the way were from the Bahamas. What were you even doing there without me, hm?”

“Does that matter?” She purred, still keeping him locked in her warm embrace. “All it matters is that now we are together. Kiss me, Pumpkinpie.” She leaned in, her black-painted lips so close to his red ones when...

“Eeekh!” The wild, high-pitched shriek caught Harleen totally unprepared. The next thing she knew, she was pushed off Joker’s lap to the floor while her sweet Puddin' jumped out of the bed.

“Wha...? What's wrong, Jellybean?” Just in case, she checked her breath, but no – no funny smells were detected.

“Spider!” Joker pointed with his white finger at the head of their bed. “Ugly, hairy, scary spider! Get rid of it, Harley! Now!”

The clown-girl collected herself from the floor, she narrowed her eyes, searching for the culprit. And then she saw it.

“But Puddin'... It's the tiniest, cutest, itsy-bitsy spider I've ever...”

“I don't CARE!” Jokers shrill rolled through the bedroom, as pleasant as the sound of a drill. “Kill it! I'm not going back there until you kill all the spiders!”

Slowly, Harleen’s expression transformed from a confused one to one of cold fury. “No stupid spider will be ruining my romantic date,” she thought, reaching for her mallet.

A few minutes and a few blows from her trade-mark weapon later, the heart-shaped bed was no more – smashed into splinters. Harley, angry and breathless, stood in the middle of the destruction.

“No spider could survive that,” she assured the Joker. “Now, where were we... Mr. J?”

The frown that Joker wore on his face caused her heart to sink.

“And where will I sleep now?” he asked with a cold voice.

Harleen looked at her feet. “We can...”

“I'm calling dibs on the couch,” he cut her off. “You can have the bedroom for yourself.”

“But Puddin'...?!”

The door shut behind him before Harley could finish the sentence. She looked around the messy room. Maybe she really wasn't too subtle?

-#-

Joker jumped onto the couch, stretching his lanky limbs and settling himself. A puff of dust went up in the air as his skinny body fell onto green cushions.

Then, he spotted a spider. The small black thing was running across the carpet, probably emerging from under the old couch.

Joker only giggled. How silly of Harley to buy his little show of arachnophobia.

“The girl is spending too much time with Crane,” he mused under his breath. “Shrinks – they are all so easy to trick. It's not even a challenge.”

Well, at least he had a good excuse to be left alone. He needed his beauty sleep before he faced his favorite Bat.

“Itsy-bitsy Batsy boo, soon I will be seeing you.”

[find4479-blog]

newer and improved you ( one )

��a fan-fiction featuring MY VERSION of dr. harleen quinzel in patient therapy with the Joker. consider this a revamped and retelling of the story of Harley Quinn, and the people in her life before she became the queen of crime. 

rated M for mature themes, death, mutilation, manipulation, emotional and psychical abuse. and content from harleen’s past that can be considered triggering for some viewers: reader beware.    Newer and Improved You : chapter one: Therapy Begins                      by: Kat Devine

Delicate fingers tap against cool metal, thoughts reeling in her mind of what could happen and what would happen. dr. quinzel, a name that should be feared by other colleagues a name that should radiate woman domination. dr. harleen quinzel; psychiatrist, feminist, and arrogant.

Of course, new to the field of psychiatric therapy, she shouldn’t think so highly of herself, but graduating top of her class, made her as cocky as can be. AND the fact they gave her gotham’s most notorious criminal - patient 4479, AKA the joker - as her first patient, truly fed into her own narcissistic-arrogant mindset.

But thoughts dwindle as she begins her ansty mannerisms of twirling her brunette locks around her finger and stare off, imagining what she would say. Sure, she had a script, but that would fade as she began to truly talk with the patient, and begin developing her own diagnosis on her most likely unwilling subject.

Hearing the clambering of metal against metal signified that the door to the metal clad room had been unlocked, and her face-to-face meeting with patient 4479 would come to a start. Startled by the sudden noise harleen looked up, finger smoothly leaving locks of hair and pressing the record button on the asylum’s camera. Joker would be the first of many patients that would start off the new psychiatric rehabilitation program. A series of videos on a patient's progress and transition through therapeutic methods, and steps in becoming ‘ the newer and improved you ‘.

harleen watched the door open, her face a mask of icy-cool professionalism. Her insides twitched and lurched at seeing the face of the man that tormented gotham months prior to their meeting. His face a scarred-clown visage that a child only had nightmares about. He walked with a hunch, his head tilting and watching her like he was a dog- and harleen could only think that he truly was - as the newspapers had said- an animal. The way he held himself was that of a man unhinged.

Joker watched harleen, cool dark orbs swimming with emotions. call him a loon, but she was better looking than the last brod- he watched her icy orbs, and for once couldn’t read someone. He was used to instilling fear into his doctors just upon gazing into their eyes, watching their every emotion rattle behind their thick skulls, but this dr. quinzel, seemed to hold herself with a mask. A mask he found himself all too willing to rip off.

“ you’re ah- new. “ he said and harleen looked down shaking herself from the thought of him. She raised her brows and nodded. “And you’re observant.” she said and picked up her pen writing down a little note. Joker held back a chortle, making a face and nodding to himself in somewhat admiration. “Please, take a seat, officer bolton, I’ll be fine, you can leave.” harleen looked up to the guard at the metal door with an icy look. She gave off the feeling that she knew he was trying to protect her in a way, but she could take care of herself. With a life like hers, she had to learn. Mr. bolton gave a look to the joker, who looked at him with a smirk and firm nod, as if giving her words a proud assertion of dominance. He laughed to himself as Bolton turned quickly and shut the door with a slam. Joker followed harleen’s once orders, and found himself taking a seat in front of harleen and the camera, casting the camera a quick, and questionable look he gazed back at dr. quinzel offering that same questionable gaze. “I am dr. harleen quinzel, your new psychiatrist here at arkham.” harleen said firmly, but adding a nice polite smile. “Will you please address the camera for these sessions.” it wasn’t asked, it came off as an order, and joker raised a brow, amusement shining his coal-colored orbs. “Why would I suddenly do that now- harleen?” he asked, he leaned forward laying his forearms against the cold metal table and leaning forward on them, his eyes squinting in question. dr. quinzel gave a stern look, lips pursing. “Please, refer to me as: dr. quinzel.” she said quickly, eyes becoming soft once more. Joker smirked at her and leaned back, he wanted a reaction, his hands on the table now instead of his arms and he tapped his fingers, tilting his head. “And it’s for a study-” “Study? Is that really what’s really going to define us, puddin’?” he said leaning forward quickly eyes alight in his own glee, eyes euphoric and a smile cheshire on his alabaster-painted features, his scarred smile gaining only a more eerie appearance. Harleen sighed through her mouth in irritation. “Dr. quinzel.” she quickly made to correct him. “I would like to keep things, purely professional,” she said with a curt nod. Joker gave a manic set of giggles and tilted his head. “Then refer to me, as-uh- mr. j.” he said and harleen gave furrowed brows. Should she really feed into his own psychosis and refer to him as a name he defines himself with, a name in which her goal is for him to give up on. Joker licked his lips and harleen slowly looked down to her notes, and wrote another note down. Joker peered down at the paper, but he really never did have good eyesight- he couldn’t see that far and from the angle he was sitting. He looked back up at her. “Alright, mr. j-” harleen licked her crimson lips and shook her head closing her eyes before looking back at him with her baby clues. “Please refer to the camera for these video sessions.” she said a tad too darkly, joker widened his eyes, true emotions. There it was, something he wanted to see, a little snippet of her true self. And he was living for it. Joker gave a breathless chuckle and looked to the camera tilting his head and giving a smile, yellow teeth peering through chapped red lips. “Hiiiii,” he drawled in a nasal like voice, eyes gazing to harleen as she gave a small smile at his now given corporation. Harleen gave a sigh through her mouth, “the prisoner suffers from manic depression, and is in a constant state of having delusions of grandeur-” harleen listed off his previous diagnoses and joker clapped his lips together loudly holding up a finger. “Can we use a word other than prisoner, that uh- suggests that I am being held here against my will-” he swallowed before licking his lips once more and tilting his head. “I want to be here.” he said and harleen inclined her head forward giving a small tilt of her head. “You want to be here?” she questioned with a skeptic voice, a dry chuckle leaving her lips and she crossed her arms over her chest leaning back. “Roof over my head,” he held up his fingers, “three square meals a day.” he held up another finger, licking his lips again, “free drugs-” he winked to the camera, and then slowly his eyes went to harleen’s and he flashed a wicked smile. “And lovely company-” he rasped. Harleen gave a look that suggested she was irritated eyes rolling at the lack of respect he held for her. She looked down at her notepad, uncrossing her arms and lifting up her pen, writing down more notes that joker couldn’t see, she suddenly stopped mid note and smiled to herself before looking up at joker with amused eyes. “Well, is there a method to the madness?” she asked and joker flashed her a grin eyebrows raising and he nodded pointing a finger at her. “I like you-” he said with a nod, tongue going over his lips. Again. Harleen sighed and shook her head. “But madness is a term, that I don’t use, it suggests that I’m crazy-” his eyes darkened and a smirk fell to his features, “and I’m not- uh - crazy.” he said and harleen gave a questionable look, amusement never leaving her eyes. “so , you believe you belong in blackgate, then?” she flashed a smile at him. Joker widened his eyes and shook his head seriously. “No, I- i can’t go there.” he said with unhumorous laugh. “Why?” harleen asked with a laugh. “Because there’s countless inmates there that you stuck on a boat and tried to kill?” harleen asked leaning forward on the table, elbows propped up on the metal and chin pressing into the palms of her hands. Harleen was only giving joker more reason to like her. Of course she didn’t know that. Joker was beginning to see that she wasn’t like the other psychiatrists in this asylum. And he liked that. He needed some entertainment, this woman challenged him and it was exciting to see. Joker was quick to add his own joke to her. “No, imagine what they would do to me, I got these long uh- luscious locks, and this athletic build,” he said with a knowing look. “I just don’t wanna be roughed up by some men in the shower- if you know what I mean, dr quinzel?” he questioned seriously. Harleen gave a look, a big doe-eyed look at his words, that could have made joker split at the seams with laughter if he wasn’t trying to keep this serious facade up. Harleen shook her head before smiling once more. “So, you are concerned for your safety, then?” she tilted her head a smirk on her features. Joker dropped his smile and leaned back in his chair tapping his fingers on the metal table yet again. He watched her closely. Yes, he liked her more than the others. She could keep a joke going, and come back almost as quickly as he can. He looked down at her as if she were a child. “I’m concerned for theirs.” he said darkly and added a smile of sacherine at the end. Harleen noticed the sudden changed and picked up her pen to write another note down. “So, these videos?” joker changed the subject as harleen wrote down notes, “Their just arkham’s way for me to express my--” he held his hands together and shook them. “Inner turmoil.” he growled the word, “while you evaluate my mental health-” harleen looked up and nodded at him, “well, now you gotta wonder about who watches these, and their mental health.” he pointed at the camera as he talked. Harleen furrowed her brows and looked to camera, watching the small screen of joker playing in it before looking back at him and raising her brow. “Because I get to people. Trust me.” he tapped the table with his fingers as if to add emphasis to his words. Harleen shook her head. “But you dont think YOU have problems?” harleen asked in disbelief as he contradicted his own words. Joker brought his hands together looking down at his hands and picking at his nails, looking up at her with his dark eyes, and giving off a small pout. “Well, nobody's perfect.” he said up at her, and harleen softened her look, looking at the ceiling of the room before looking at joker with a soft expression. “I’m not saying you need to become perfect-” harleen said and joker held his hands up rolling it in the air. “Just something different from who I am?” he asked puckering his lips and squinting his eyes at her. Harleen looked at him seriously slumping her shoulders. “Who you are is what got you here.” she said and Joker grinned excitedly, perking up and pointing at her. “See!,” he started, “It’s never a mistake to be who you are!” he gave off the interpretation that he was happy to be here and with her. He then pointed to the camera, eyebrow raised, “and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” he said darkly, finger shaking with inner turmoil. Harleen was beginning to realize they were running off topic- she wouldn’t want dr. jeremiah arkham to see this, and think she was just chatting with the patient. She nodded, beginning to reroute and find a place where they could redirect to a newer point. “And why are you here?” she asked again, softly, lightly as if she just wanted the most simplified reasoning he could bring himself to muster. “Because I’m a prisoner of war!” he said and shook his head, bringing his hands together. “I’m caught behind enemy lines, because they had to take me out of the battle,” joker looked at her serious, arms moving to lay lazily in front of him, and almost as if he was reaching out to her. “But it’s only temporary.” he nodded and looked at her darkly, “it’s a POW’s duty-- to escape.” he whispered, biting his lip. Harleen watched him yet again in disbelief. “We can’t progress like this.” harleen muttered. Joker leaned back and and smiled sarcastically at her. “Sorry, puddin’” he said watching her with a wicked grin. Harleen looked at him, irritation showing in blue eyes. “Dr. quinzel.” she said sharply and a little more aggressive than the last. He looked down to the table licking his lips and lulling his head to the side. “Dr. quinzel.” he whispered in correction. Still luling his head from side to side as if he had grown bored. Harleen still staring at him in irritation and annoyance at his non compliance. “That’s it.”harleen snapped, “Let me be who i am, as psychiatrist it is my JOB-”   “Your job? Is that another word you’re going to use to--” he gestured to himself and her with his pinky and thumb. “Define us?” Harleen gave an internal growl. She wanted to make a very clear statement, one that would start with a cuss word and END in one, but professionalism was KEY. “Oh, you wanna define terms?” she said in a voice filled with attitude, a scowl on features. Joker raised his brows and shrugged, “Well, I’m a complicated guy, doc” he muttered popping the ‘c’ harshly in ‘doc’. “Yes you are.” harleen managed to mutter politely. “And a challenge to study.”  she added pointedly. Joker gave her a lopsided grin, and she scowled back at it, her eyes daring him to say it again. “Study?” joker asked shaking his head, and harleen sighed through her nose harshly. “Well, I’m no creature of habit.” he decided to say, which caught harleen by surprise as she looked at him with raised brows. “Let’s redirect to my previous question. Is there a method to the madness?” she asked again, voice becoming a tad bit more harsh than it last was. “Why? You wanna learn?” joker asked and smiled leaning forward once more, and pointing at her. “This could be fun-” “Stop.” harleen quickly said, and gave him a stern look. Joker curled his finger inward back into his fist and dropped his hand, giving an over dramatic pout. “In your own words, why are you even here? ” she asked a voice that suggested she was done with their conversation. Which in actuality, harleen was done, she was growing tired of this game. Though, she did make a mental note that she had gotten more out of the joker than previous therapists. Joker sighed and rolled his eyes looking back down at the table. “According to -” he made a disgusted face, “society,--” he opened his hands giving finger quotations “i’ve  ‘ socially unacceptable ‘ things.” he dropped his hands and gave a look tilting his head. Harleen gave a look, eyes narrowed and leaning back racking a hand down her face, and then back up and through her dark chestnut locks of hair. “In all seriousness- why are you even here?” she muttered. Joker looked at her with humor. “-- seriously,” he started and harleen looked at him with a single raised brow. Joker pressing the top of his index finger to the table. “I’m here, because-” he tapped his finger to each word he said and looked up at the camera inching himself forward until his face was directly in the camera. “I want to be here.” he growled darkly, voice changing to deep and raspy.

Harleen would be lying if she said the way he said that didn’t send a chill up her spine. She leaned back in her chair, and reached up pressing the off button to the camera. She had went severely off script. The only thing she could do right was ask the question multiple times, ‘ why are you here ? ‘ and both times she got the same answer. Though, she did gain new information, that joker was indeed protecting himself from being sent to blackgate prison. “We’re going to have so much fun together.” joker said looking at her. Harleen stared at him, her head tilting and her eyes narrowing. Her words now would be off the record. “Listen, j.” she said and leaned forward, “You’re going to stop putting up a damn show.” she muttered, “I have a job to do and I’m damn good at it, thank you.” she hissed and chuckled to herself. Arrogance clouded her judgement, her icy facade once more finding her face. Joker looked at her with wide-eyed glee! He laughed. It quickly stopped as lyle bolton opened the door. “Times up.” he muttered. And grabbed joker by his arm, hoisting him up roughly, harleen watched J with a polite smile. “Have a nice rest of your day, mr. j.” she said in a sugary voice and all joker could do was smile at her in his own disbelief and give a nod. “Looking forward to seeing you again, puddin’,” the door slammed shut before harleen could correct him, and she picked up her notebook and threw it at the wall. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “Calm, cool, collected.” she whispered to herself. Before standing and soothing down her pencil skirt slowly moving to pick up her notebook and look to the door.