#✞ i ain’t worried about shit ◜twit.◞

[receival]

baldur’s gate 3 starters.

the following is a collection of sentence starters from larian’s baldur’s gate 3. part 2.

look at me - i’m not a monster.

stay back. i don’t want to hurt you, but i will.

no. you’re not one of them at all.

i was ready to run you through. my mistake, friend.

that’s far enough. what’s your business down here?

you revealed our location? that tongue gets any looser, (name), and i’ll cut it out.

reckon i might miss this place.

this place is more dangerous than i thought.

well, don’t you cut a fine figure.

sometimes i’m jealous of that girl. ugh - to feel so invincible again.

in your expert opinion, what’s the best way to kill a devil?

i’m certain there are answers out there. we’ll find them together.

there’s no story. none that you’re entitled to hear, anyway.

you can tolerate a great deal of suffering, so long as it has meaning.

until then, all i can do is endure.

please try to understand that it’s not something i can just talk about freely.

perhaps there’s potential in you.

honestly, your faith is your own concern. i won’t judge, one way or the other.

i think i did well by joining you.

you already know my biggest secrets. what more can you ask?

that wall’s an illusion! hiding what, i wonder …

sun, moon, and stars will still be there, waiting for us.

this place is pretty spectacular, isn’t it?

no book or painting could ever do its strange beauty justice.

a perfect ring of mushrooms … nature, or magic?

hmm. i thought that might’ve done something.

another illusion. is anything real down here?

i’m more concerned with this ‘twit’ who set a spectator on you.

a rival - a mere footnote to my legend. you should be more concerned with who i am.

the fools must have turned back. or, better yet, died in the search.

i need no more rivals. try to take this as a compliment, yes?

this presence … this magic is not divine, but fey.

little? i am a god! and i’m gonna rip you - tear you - wear you for a hat -

don’t do anything hasty, now.

i’ll just kill you and claim it for myself.

i’m the lord of murder - i’ll show you why.

if you’re expecting me to drop to my knees before you, forget it.

a wizard’s tower is his sanctum, a private place for research and respite. but as this wizard’s not home … i say we take a peek.

a strange place for a button. especially one that doesn’t work.

what good would it do for me to be troubled? we can’t save them all.

you’ll have to speak slowly. i find it quite difficult to concentrate with my condition gnawing at my insides like a teething displacer kitten.

the whole village is falling to pieces …

hey, maybe we can scare up a few dusty bottles of wine somewhere.

i like your way of thinking. split any takings we find?

what creatures live in water this dark?

i’m a rabid dirty dog. and i bite.

i could’ve killed you before you even noticed me, but i didn’t. stand down.

i can be discreet. no need for bloodshed.

share? you really are in the wrong place.

a bleeding heart, are you? reckon i’ll just roast and eat it.

what in the hells did you do to that corpse?

you do plenty for me, more than you realize. but this cannot be remedied.

are you alright? is there anything i can do to help you?

enough. bickering won’t save your friend.

run away, then.

(name) - i was so worried! did they hurt you?

who cares? we’re together now, thank gods!

i’m grateful, don’t mistake me, but … why help us?

freeze it, cock-stench. we aren’t done just yet.

pay up, and you get to skink away. resist, and i gut you.

drop it. i don’t owe you anything.

your incompetence has been my ruin.

stop! no more innocents will die today, (name).

you care for the weak. most curious.

you so much as touch me, and i’ll tear you from limb to limb.

ah - another treacherous soul walks among us.

i ain’t going down easy.

you been a shit since i laid eyes on you, (name).

strike him down. prove your faith.

your silence speaks to your heresy.

look, you have no idea what you’re dealing with …

it’s the whole damn reason we’re here, and i’m not leaving without it.

the mission comes first.

and i thought i’d heard it all. that’s some cambion-level deception.

i go where there’s shit to stir. and there’s no shortage of options.

i can’t remember much, truth be told.

centuries of torment will do that to you.

you’ve been naughty. and you know what happens when you’re naughty.

just who in the nine hells are you?

well, well. aren’t you a luscious thing?

been a long time since someone stuck their neck out for me like that.

you have a manner of irresistible desperation about you. i like it.

you know, i’ve been thinking. and i think there’s something i should tell you. nothing big or terrible, just … a small little detail about me that hasn’t come up naturally.

i want to join you - to fight by your side.

i’m sorry for barging in like this, but i had to come find you.

i won’t let you down. i promise.

we all have our burdens, one way or the other.

i’m trying to say that you’ve earned my trust in a way very few ever have … i want that to mean something.

freedom - i’d forgotten how it felt. thank you.

if you have a moment, i’d like your opinion on something.

the problem is this: a preponderance of evidence that i am a terrible adventurer.

i can’t risk re-capture. i barely escaped last time.

it was a mistake. and not one we’ll repeat.

i don’t know. he was kind of fun.

we can’t just invite danger in to our hearth like that. we must be more careful.

most monsters will think twice before making a meal of me.

an old hunter’s trick - if you can’t mask your scent, spoil it.

i prefer a weapon to stench, thanks.

you’re a monster hunter? not what i imagined.

whatever you’re hunting, your stench alone will kill it.

a quick wit is rare indeed.

know how to ask, and they’ll share that knowledge. if you’re fool enough to pay their price.

speak plainly. what is she?

i think you’re mistaken - this place looks innocent enough.

truth is like a blade, my friend. we can arm ourselves with it - or just as easily find it pressed against our throat.

i would not put you in danger.

your coyness is getting boring. tell me.

you take insult where none is intended, my friend.

how thoroughly invigorating it is to stand by one’s friend in the face of danger.

you best have one hells of an apology for me.

you must have mistaken me for someone else.

that wriggler swimming in your brain juice is a bit of an inconvenience, isn’t it?

that’s none of your concern.

don’t change the subject.

keep that hole under your nose shut.

let’s not involve ourselves in this place any longer than is necessary.

you want to play the hero so badly? fine. let’s make this interesting.

gods, it’s hot in here.

i’ve had better days. and worse ones.

i am, after all, the villain of the tale.

you truly are a soul that steels my own.

you are as thick as they come.

even i am tired of the sound of my own voice.

i stand at a precipice, but if you do not give up hope, neither shall i.

all of this … it must feel like a betrayal.

you bastard! you ruined it, you ruined everything!

slow down - what did i do?

this is an interesting way of thanking me.

i don’t need this. good luck getting out of here on your own.

i know i should head home, but … i can’t bring myself to leave.

(are you alright?) / not even a little bit. but i will be.

she favored me like a child favors a captive pet.

i promise i will not betray your trust.

i cannot thank you enough.

you will face (name)’s judgement.

i wish you could have visited at a better time.

you had no right to intervene.

you’re not one of us.

copper for your thoughts?

always a delight to speak to you.

did i play games like this in my youth? was i sweet once?

what are you doing? i’m busy here!

nothing beats the taste of stolen beer.

come on, now. they’re just having a bit of fun.

let’s do what we have to do, then get out of here.

smell’s like burnt flesh.

hold out your arm so i can mark your flesh.

i’m here to spill your guts across the floor.

pain without purpose is a terrible thing, wouldn’t you agree?

i often feel i like raw pain too much. it scares me.

as long as the story ends in death, it’s all the same to me.

forgive me, but - that look in your eyes. something terrible has happened to you.

what i see in your eyes, in your soul, is only natural.

we’ve all suffered in these dark times. it is little wonder you hear scars of pain and anguish.

touch me and you’ll lose your hand.

the pain you suffer will cleanse you - do not fight it.

you look tired. should i take over?

welcome the pain. let it become part of you.

that looks like it’s going to bruise.

not that i’m suggesting we stop for a drink, of course.

i wouldn’t want to place all my faith in blind luck.

sympathies won’t help me to survive.

your life, much like your words, is meaningless. end the latter to save the former.

looks like the booze got the better of them. they’re practically unconscious.

they’re dying for me. all of them.

why don’t you take a closer look? i’ll observe from back here.

please don’t open the creepy book!

toddlers are easier to please than you lot.

you know, i never pictured myself as a hero.

all i want is a little fun. is that so much to ask?

having performance issues, (name)?

never have i met such troglodytes.

i was hoping you wouldn’t notice i was gone.

i suggest we admire it from afar.

it would be too much to hope that’s nothing to do with us, wouldn’t it?

i go my own way - alone.

i’ll feed your innards to the ants before i do that.

[micahss]

tag drop !

[notquitetwilight]

okay but... but please go on about twilight but in the uk

okay I’m Irish not British so I might not be the most qualified person for this but I think their 800-year occupation of us dominance in our pop culture/tv has educated me enough so:

- Bella is an English Northerner. “Ah nuuh woh ya ahhr.” “Say it, out loud.” “Vampiyah!”

- Edward is even posher than Rob Pattinson and his accent makes him seem like even more of a knob than his know-it-all vampirism so long story short he gets bullied every school they put him in apart from hoity toity proivate schools where everyone is as equally knobby

- If Alaska is the Scottish Highlands, the Denalis are Scottish. If the Denalis are Scottish, they dogwalk Edward rather than put up with his bullshit

- Similarly, if posh boy Eddie treated northerner Bella the way real Edward treats real Bella at the start of the series, she would’ve just told him to piss off and called it a day

- Scot Kate is an Indyref campaigner and that’s why Irishman Garrett fell head over heels so quickly

- As established, the Volturi are the Voltories. Ancient, colonial, conservative, power-trippy, have weird laughs??? It all checks out

- Rosalie is a Chelsea girl let’s be real

- Emmett is a working-class Irish city kid (Rose found him when the Cullens were visiting Siobhán and co) but I haven’t decided if he’s from Dublin or Cork yet. The McCart(h)y surname hails from and is common in Cork buttt I feel like a thick Dublin accent would suit Emmett’s persona and be a funny contradiction to Rose’s posh English vibe

- Chelsea girl Rose: “Is she evuhn Italiuhn?”

Dub Emmett: “Her name’s bleedin’ Belleh!”

- Esme is from Cardiff and Londoner Carlisle learned Welsh for her :))))

- Alice is an Essex hun (but she’s not like other Essex huns™️) because that would be fucking hilarious. If you think I’m wrong please just visualise the Meet the Cullens/Italiano scene where Edward is all, “Alice, what are you doing–” and picture Alice responding “Don’t worry babe, we’re gonna be best friends, ain’t wehhhy? I’ve uwready seen ih!”

- Alice travels to Blackpool sometimes and sets up a fortune teller tent on the pier just for shits and giggles

- Jasper is from Newcastle so instead of saying “pleasure to meet you” or whatever to Bella he just says “yareeet”

- Geordie Jasper anytime he feels Rose ready to set Edward on fire: “Rose is gooin pyuah akka!”

- The wolf pack are Northern Irish Catholics

- Derryman Jacob finding out about Bella and Edward’s honeymoon plans: “Is thess a fuckin jehyoke???? Catch yerselves awn!!!!”

- Paul first angrily turned into a wolf when someone asked him to wear a poppy, while resident Derry Girl Leah only refers to Edward as the “wee English fella”

- SCOUSE CHARLIE SCOUSE CHARLIE SCOUSE CHARLIE. He and Billy watch LFC matches together and he definitely has a “you’ll never walk alone” sticker on his car

- This side of the Atlantic Edward isn’t insulted with “jackass”/“moron”/“idiot” etc but instead his siblings call him any one of these on a recurring basis: prick, prat, twat, twit, dickhead, knobhead, bellend, git, wanker, tosser, eejit (Emmett), gobshite (mostly Emmett)

- Also this side of the Atlantic has a more obvious drinking culture so let’s pretend vamps can get drunk depending on how much blood they drink, in which case you’ll hear Jasper yelling “LET’S GET MORTAL” every hunting trip or Emmett bragging about how “locked”/“legless”/“hammered”/“ossified” he was after 12 bears

- Everyone curses a lot more obviously

- It’s less white than American Twilight so visualise the above characters any way u want!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- On a less funny but v wholesome note, the reason I put the wolf pack as Northern Irish Catholics is bc of the colonial parallels, wolves having a prominent role in Irish mythology, and the historical kinship between Native Americans and Irish people! During Ireland’s Great Famine of the 1840s, the Choctaw Nation sent $170 (a huge sum of money equivalent to a couple of thousand USD today) to families who starved under the rule of a British government that refused to help. The Choctaw people did this despite living in poverty themselves as a result of the Trail of Tears in a display of solidarity between colonised people thousands of miles away from each other. This year, Irish people tried to carry on a similar sentiment by donating to the Navajo & Hopi Covid-19 Relief Fund while these Nations were ignored by the Trump Administration. The Navajo Nation attorney-general estimates approximately $3 million USD of the fund came from donors living in Ireland, so the historical bond between Native Americans and their Irish friends is still very much alive 🥺

[descendantofthesparrow]

I put a Spell on you - Harry Hook x Sanderson! Reader - Halloween special one-shot

Halloween Harry Hook x reader

basic version of outfit for reader, can be changed as wished

VVVV 

=

Halloween night, 2007, on the isle of the lost.

Young 6-year-old Harry Hook sat in the hull of the jolly roger, pouting to himself as he picked at his scarce stolen candy.

The isle never got much in the way of candy, the most they got was during the month of Halloween that the parents of Auradon threw away early for some odd reason.

Though what candy the isle got was little, and the “good stuff” was still on Auradon.

And Harry had unfortunately gotten a bad pick of candy this year, nasty fruit ropes that tasted like death, molding “coconut” chocolate candy that was too mushy to really enjoy, and watermelon looking hard candy.

The best he got was little wrapped hard pieces of candy that looked like brown barrels that had a slight spice to them.

Harry dropped the piece of candy he was holding and sighed, starting to stand and getting ready to turn in for the night after the disappointing Halloween. “jus’ like last year” Harry mumbled, brushing off his horrifically made copy of his father's jacket, he paused, something rang across his ears. “wha’ was-“

Come little children, I'll take thee away

Into a land of enchantment

Come little children, the time's come to play

Here in my garden of magic.

“singing?” Harry quietly asked himself, turning towards where the voice was coming from. It seemed hypnotic or at least was supposed to be, but It had no grab to it as if it had lost its power.

But Harry's curious nature pushed him to seek the voice out. He snuck off his father's ship and followed the voice into the dark forest near pirates bay.

He ducked as he spotted an old slim woman, the one who was singing, waving her hands about and twirling.

“Winnie~” the woman stopped singing, spinning around and crossing her arms, and whining at a hidden figure “It's not working!”

“of course it's not you twit, the stupid barrier blocks our powers, we won't be getting any children tonight!” “wait!” a plump woman stepped into the mood light, her eyes glinting “I smell a child~”

“that’s just (y/n) you idiot!” the hidden figure scoffed, stepping next to the slim woman, and smacking her torso “keep your child inside sister, they will ruin our plans” “But we can use them to lure children! Maybe they can even lure a boy~”

“silence Sarah” the oldest woman scoffed, turning and walking back towards the rackety shack near a pond. “sistars!”

“coming Winnie!” the slim one called back, hiking up her dress and running after the oldest.

“But Winnie! The child!” the plump one moaned, turning her eyes right at Harry.

Harry held his breath and ducked behind a tree, freezing as he heard the woman sniff the air and continue to walk closer to his hiding spot. Wait…shit! he walked right into the Sander-

“Auntie! It's just me!” Harry's jaw dropped as a child, who seemed just around his age, popped up from behind the tree in front of him, a small smile on their face “sorry, but there's no other kids around”

The plump woman groaned and shook her head, stomping back into the shack. “little brat, fooling me”

The child watched until the door closed, slumping against the tree in relief as they looked at him “you shouldn't be here, you don’t wanna know what happens when my mom and aunts get their hands on kids” they walked over to him and pulled at the lapels of his jacket, the hood of their cloak falling as they did so.

They beamed at him “but im not gonna let anything happen to ya don’t worry……sorry I don’t know your name?” they tilted their head at him, their bright (e/c) eyes staring into his.

“H-Harry” Harry stuttered out, gasping as the child grabbed his hand and started pulling him the opposite way of the old shack the old woman were in.

“Nice ta meet ya Harry im (y/n)!” (y/n) chirped, flipping their hood back over their head and continuing to lead Harry out of the forest.

Moments later they reached the edge and (y/n) turned, grabbing Harry's arms, spinning around, and pushing him over the edge “now you have ta promise that you won't come back no matter what, and to never follow random singing” (y/n) pouted at harry, wiggling their finger in his face “it's too dangerous”

“I-um” Harry stuttered again, wringing his hands together before he stomped his foot “they aren’t even tha’ scary! I can take ‘em”

(y/n) just shook their head “doesn’t matter, they’ll eat you if they get the chance”

“e-eat me?!” Harry squeaked, taking a step back from (y/n) “wait aren’t yeh one of their kids- won't yeh eat me too?”

“no!” (y/n) shook their head defiantly, scowling at Harry “that’s just gross, eating kids, Id rather eat rotten candy” (y/n) crossed their arms and tilted their head at Harry “what you think all witches eat kids?”

“well, they-” Harry swallowed harshly “ur mums a Sanderson ain't she? She's known for tha’ “

(y/n)s shoulders dropped “well I’m not my mother” Harry felt slightly bad as (y/n) curled in on themselves, looking off.

“hey-i….thank yeh fer savin’ meh” (y/n) perked up, smiling at him.

“you’re welcome Harry, now DON’T got back into the forest on Halloween night ever again” (y/n) once more shook their finger in his face, pouting at him.

Harry nodded slowly, placing his hand on theirs and pushing their hand down “why Halloween night only?”

“because that’s when they think they are most powerful, and the only time they are brave enough to wander outside the shack….aunt Winnie makes me go out to get food and all that every other time” (y/n) explained, eyes turning to the sky and gasping.

“you have to get home! It won't be long before my aunt gets another idea to get kids, go go!” (y/n) pushed at Harry's shoulders, back towards pirate bay.

“Alright alright im goin’!” Harry yelled, shaking his head at the odd witch, he turned to start walking back towards his dad's ship when he stopped. He spun back around, watching (y/n) walk back into the forest. “wait!” (y/n) groaned and stopped, spinning around to look at him with raised brows.

“what” they snapped, glaring at him.

“will I ever see yeh again?” Harry asked, blinking in surprise as (y/n)s cheeks turned dark and they looked down at the forest floor.

“um-i-maybe…I have to go!” (y/n) turned and ran back into the forest to her home, leaving Harry at the forest edge.

=

12 years later, on Halloween night, Harry sat in his temporary room at Evie's castle, sitting on his bed while Gil and Uma sorted through their first real batch of Halloween candy.

Most of it had been leftovers from Evie's trick or treaters, but Evie had made them chaperone Dizzy, Celia, and the twins for their first Halloween.

And the younger VKs had somehow roped them into Trick or treating with them, which luckily the people of Auradon were nice enough to ignore that they were technically too old to trick or treat.

Harry could recount Evie scoffing at the “Age limit”, saying that no one is too old to trick or treat.

“Gil hand me that orange one” Uma muttered, chewing on a Butterfinger.

“The Reese's?” Gil asked, holding up the flat packaging and handing it to Uma.

“yep, thanks…Harry you good?” Uma asked, noticing Harry staring out the window.

“hm?” Harry turned back to her, his eyes drooping “ah, sorry Uma, zoned out”

“well, it has been a tiring night….I'mma head in for tonight, night boys”

“night Uma” Harry and Gil called back in chorus, Gil leaving after Uma a moment later, leaving Harry alone in his room.

Come little children, I'll take thee away

Into a land of enchantment

Come little children, the time's come to play

Here in my garden of magic.

Harry perked up, he knew that song…..he definitely knew that song.

Though this time, the hypnotic power it had was present, taking hold of his mind and dragging him out of his room and out the door of Evie's castle.

Harry walked deeper into the forest surrounding Evie's castle, the voice becoming louder as he walked.

Suddenly he was grabbed, the cackling of three women echoing in his ears.

“oh, it’s a boy! Hes Handsome too~I want to play with him~!”

“later Sarah, first we must take him along with the others back to the cottage, he’ll be the first for your child, let them experience the dark art of Magic!”

“ohhh! Yes! Let em’ learn, let ‘em learn, let ‘em learn!”

Harry's vision went black, and he woke later in a chair, something invisible tying him down to it.

“wha’?” Harry muttered, pulling at his arm “where…shit” Harry tried to wriggle his wrist to draw the small switchblade in his jacket sleeve when the three Sanderson sisters walked in, holding two small children in their arms.

“ohhh hes awake!” the thin one, Sarah he guessed, gasped, clapping her hands together.

Harry let out a snarl and thrashed in his chair, the sisters gasped and reeled back. “nasty one isn’t he” the one with the odd lips, Winnie, muttered “perfect for our little imp isn’t he Mary”

“perfect Winnie” the plump one snickered, licking her lips as she separated from her sisters and dragged one of the children over a chair next to Harry, forcing the young girl down into it and snapping her fingers, silver rope wrapping around the girl's arms and legs and binding her to the chair “there we go!”

Sarah giggled and grabbed the boy she had by the scruff of his zombie costume and dragged him over to the chair on Harry's left, pushing him into the chair and binding him with the silver rope that turned invisible like Harrys.

“ohhhh (y/n)~” Harry perked up….he knew that name?

From the door on Harry's right, someone stepped out from the shadows, wearing a long dark pink jacket that tapered off at their waist, a corset type top with fishnet under top underneath it, ripped black jeans with scuffed brown boots, a belt with a pouch resting on their left hip that held two beakers resting on their left thigh.

“yes, aunt Winnie” the teen witch sighed, their hood hiding their face from Harry. Winnie grabbed an odd brown colored spell book with an eye on it and handed it to the hooded teen.

“here, finish the life potion while we go get more children, the…pirate boy is yours to do what you wish with” Winnie patted the teens head and turned “Sistars!” she stormed out of the cottage, the two witches running after their sister.

“coming Winnie!!”

The door slammed shut, the teen watching the door for a good minute before they sighed and dropped the book on the table to their right “thank hades” they tipped their head back, ruffling their (h/c) hair and blowing a raspberry “thought they’d never leave” they rushed over to a cabinet and ripped the doors open, rummaging through spices and herbs. “wormswart wormswart, where are you wormswart-ah-ha!”

They spun around, holding a jar of some sort of liquid and opening it, a hiss of silver mist rising from the bottle, they held the bottle delicately over the cauldron holding the boiling potion of life and poured a single drop of wormswart into the potion.

The potion turned a sickly brown, sputtering into the teen witches face. “ugh” they groaned, leaning back and wiping their face.

They grabbed a large spoon and mixed the potion, stirring until it turned back into a dark green. “there we go, now they can't use it” the teen muttered, looking up and locking eyes with Harry. “now to get you all out of here before they come back!”

With a wave of their hand, a silver pocket knife appeared, and they speed-walked over to Harry, cutting the invisible ropes at his hands. “im sorry about this, I tried to spell them to sleep until tomorrow at dawn but im not very good at potions other than ruining them”

“(y/n)?” Harry asked aloud, the teen stopped, slowly looking up at Harry, their still bright (e/c) eyes widening.

“Harry! What-“ they stood, leaning over Harry and shaking their finger in his face, “I told you not to follow the singing!”

Harry smirked at them and mocked bite their finger, (y/n) gasped and reeled back, pouting at him and smacking his chest. “jerk, im saving you from being eaten and yet you repay me like this?”

Harry chuckled and grabbed the knife from (y/n)s hand, cutting the rope from his legs “sorry love, couldn’t resist”

“l-love?” (y/n) stuttered, backing away from Harry and staring at him oddly.

Harry just looked at them, making their cheeks turn dark “you….you grew up” they muttered, looking away from Harry.

“heh” Harry chuckled, standing from the chair and looking to his right “we should probably get them outta here huh?”

“y-yeah” (y/n) stuttered, waving their hand and another silver knife appeared, walking over to the boy while Harry kneeled next to the girl and started to cut them free. “I’ll need to break the spell my mom put on them before we take them back, otherwise they’ll get their hands on them again.”

Harry nodded, picking up the girl dressed like a princess and setting her on his hip, her head resting in his neck.

(y/n) picked up the boy and walked over to harry, muttering a counterspell under their breath, and with a snap of their fingers, the two kids snapped out of their trance. The Girl leaning away from Harry and looking from him to (y/n), her eyes wide.

“where-whats” her lip wobbled, starting to cry a bit. the boy stared at Harry with wide eyes.

“you’re Harry Hook” the boy whispered in awe, squeaking a bit as (y/n) rearranged their grip on him.

“that's all dandy but we have to get you both back to your homes, the witches will be back soon and I need to be here when they are”

Harry nodded, pressing the girl's face back into his neck and following (y/n) out to the back door.

“come on, the main town is this way!”

=

Harry and (y/n) dropped the girl off, who told them her name of Sofia, and hurried her inside. “now don’t go after random singing on Halloween okay, it only leads to bad things” (y/n) warned them, handing the young girl a slip of paper with markings on it “as long as you have this, you will be protected from my mother's song” Sofia nodded, unsure but ran into her house, slamming the door behind her.

“alrigh’” Harry sighed, shifting Elijah in his arms and looked at the young boy “where do yeh live?”

Elijah pointed across the street and down a few houses “tha’ close huh?” Harry muttered, letting the boy down and watching him as he ran toward his home.

The boy stopped as (y/n) called his name, turning as they jogged over to him and handed him another piece of paper “thanks” Elijah squeaked, bolting into his house and slamming the door closed.

(y/n) sighed, rubbing their face in exhaustion “two down….however many kids to go” (y/n) rolled their neck and looked over at harry “now lets get you home too”

Harry stared at (y/n) as they walked up to him and held out their hands “I didn’t do this with the kids because I know they would freak but I can teleport us to where you live”

“yeh can teleport?” Harry asked, tilting his head as he stared at (y/n)s hands.

“yep, me, my mother, and my aunts each have a special power, my mom has a hypnotic singing voice, my aunt Mary can sniff out any kid from miles away, and my aunt Winnie can shoot lightning from her hands” Harry nodded slowly, grabbing onto (y/n)s hands.

“so what now?” Harry asked, watching as (f/c) smoke started to rise around him and (y/n)

“where do you live?” (y/n) chuckled, smiling at him.

“uh, im staying at Evie's castle right now”

“oh, I know where that is!” (y/n) cheered, the smoke swirling around them for a moment before it dissipated, revealing them now to be in front of Evie’s castle.

“cool” Harry muttered, not noticing (y/n) look down at their still intertwined hands and hurriedly ripped their hands away from him, Harry turned to (y/n), furrowing his brows as (y/n) looked around with wandering eyes “don’t go back” (y/n) whipped around to look at him with surprise.

“i-what?”

“don’t go back, stay here” Harry pleaded, grabbing onto (y/n)s shoulders “yer not happy there, and yer gonna waste away being their slave”

(y/n) just stared at him, sighing as they grabbed his hands and slowly took them off their shoulders “I…..I have to, to protect the kids”

Harry sighed, biting his lip in thought “okay….but!” (y/n) looked at harry, confusion swimming in their eyes “after tonight, come back here, im sure Evie would be happy to accommodate yeh, i’ll even ask for extra measure” (y/n) shook their head, looking over their shoulder back towards the witches cottage.

“…okay” (y/n) sighed, giggling as harry beamed at them and grabbed their shoulders in his excitement.

“Okay!?”

“okkayy! I'll come back tomorrow after my mom and aunts are asleep” Harry grinned at (y/n), chuckling as (y/n) smiled back.

“but….why do you want me to come back after tonight?” (y/n) asked, tilting their head at harry.

“because you saved meh from them 12 years ago…might as well return tha’ favor?” Harry smirked, snickering as (y/n)s cheeks darkened.

“well…I should get back now….see ya later?” (y/n) stepped away from Harry, (f/c) smoke rising around them. “see ya later” Harry confirmed, waving (y/n) goodbye as the smoke complexly enveloped them and they disappeared.

Harry sighed, cracking his neck and walking back inside Evie's castle, sneaking back up to his room and flopping on his bed, closing his eyes and falling asleep instantly from the crazy night.

=

Harry sighed in relief as the next morning, when Evie turned on the tv and the Auradon news came up, some breaking news came up about how the Sanderson sisters had been caught attempting their old antics with stealing the life force of children and had been arrested.

And the child of Sarah Sanderson had been confirmed secretly helping the children escaped, as claimed by the many children saved by the teen witch.

“aint (y/n) Sanderson that kid you met on the isle when you were like, 6? Harry?” Uma asked aloud, looking over her shoulder at Harry as he stuck another piece of pancakes in his mouth.

He swallowed and nodded, picking at his scrambled eggs “aye, and I….shoot, Evie I saw ‘em again last night, and might have told them if they wanted to they could come here?”

“that’s perfectly fine” Evie gushed, wiping her flour-covered hands on her apron “I have plenty of room for them here, and-wait you saw them? How?”

“uhhh” Harry stalled, watching as Uma set her fork down and stared at him with raised brows.

“you did a stupid didn’t you?” Uma droned, leaning on her intertwined hands.

“uhhh, yes?” Harry winched, yelping as Uma sent a torrent of water at him “hey! I was bewitched! It wasn’t meh fault!” Harry pouted, crossing his arms.

Everyone went silent as Evie's front door got knocked on, Evie glanced at Harry and took off her apron, tossing it onto the counter and walking over to her door, slowly opening it and peeking around the door.

“oh! You must be (y/n)! Harry told us about you!”

“r-really? He did?” the teen muttered, gasping as Evie grabbed their wrist and dragged them in.

“yep! Now! Are you hungry?” Evie pushed them into the living room that doubled as a dining room that connected to the kitchen, (y/n) stared at all the vks, locking eyes with Harry.

“i-yes?”

“Great! I'll make you up a plate and you get acquainted with everyone!”

Evie clapped her hands and skipped back into the kitchen, giggling with Mal as (y/n) just stood awkwardly where Evie left her.

“yeh kept yer promise” Harry smiled, standing up and walking over to (y/n), putting his hands on his hips and leaning towards (y/n)

“uhh yep” (y/n) chuckled, rubbing their arm nervously “Im here?”

Harry chuckled at their awkwardness and grabbed their shoulder, shoving them into the middle of the room, in view of everyone “(y/n) this is everyone, everyone this is (y/n), they have saved my ass twice now”

“hi” (y/n) waved awkwardly, a small grin on their face. Uma stood from her seat at the island and walked over to (y/n), slowly circling her like a vulture. “ummm hi?”

Uma hummed, standing in front of (y/n), her eyes dark and revealing nothing….then she smiled, reaching out and patting (y/n)s shoulder “nice to meet you (y/n)”

(y/n) gave a small smile, “nice to meet you too….Uma? right?”

Uma nodded and nodded her head back at the island near the kitchen, where Evie was setting (y/n)s plate full of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. “yep that’s me, and your foods ready”

(y/n) slowly walked over to their food, taking off their bag that was slung over their shoulder and setting it on the floor, hesitantly starting to eat the food Evie had given them.

Almost comically, their eyes widened and they started to scarf down the breakfast. Evie giggled and tapped on the counter, grabbing (y/n)s attention “apple or orange juice?”

“apple please” (y/n) spoke with a mouth full of food, blushing as Evie giggled once more and walked over to the fridge, grabbing the bottle.

She poured the drink and set it in front of (y/n) who gently took the cup and started to drink, turning towards the tv as it went back to the Sanderson sister's arrest.

*they will be stripped of their magic and be sent to the new high-security prison implemented on the isle of the doomed.*

“how many kids did yeh save (y/n)?” Harry asked, turning to look at the teen witch. (y/n) swallowed her mouthful of bacon and shrugged.

“around 20, including you and those two kids, my aunts and mom didn’t get far before the Auradon guard was called on ‘em”

“hm” Uma nodded in approval, smirking at harry “good job”

Harry smirked back, standing and sitting next to (y/n), watching as Dizzy changed the channel to Sunday cartoons

“so do yeh think you’ll stick around?” Harry whispered, (y/n) turned to him, and smiled.

“yeah I think I will” they whispered back, leaning back in their chair and watching the show “Powerpuff girls” as it played.

Harry smiled, happy to have finally repaid his debt to the witch who had saved him all those years ago.

And it was going to be fun to tease them since they went all dark whenever he simply looked at them.

-end-

permtaglist

@queer-cosette​ @sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​ @daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​ @remembered-license​

@rintheemolion​ @verboetoperee​

@random-thoughts-003​ @imtryingthisout​

[h-o-l-l-i]

Restore Me

Daryl Dixon x Nurse!Reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of blood, SMUT (18+ only), unprotected sex

Word Count: 8.3k

Author’s Note: This is my piece for Jen’s Mystery Box Writing Challenge, go check out her stuff...she’s amazing in every way at @coffee-obsessed-writer! , this was an absolute dream to write; I loved every second of it and I hope you all enjoy it as well! Let me know what you think and if you would like to be added to any of my tag lists! REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

my prompt was delivered to me as follows: So, for you, my dear, I have a TWD Daryl x reader request. This person sent in a summary then ask for smut, angst, fluffSummary: Daryl gets hurt u find him and nurse him back to health

Everything: @negans-lucille-tblr

TWD: @wings-of-a-raven // @daryldixonandfrogs 

Daryl Dixon: @jodiereedus22 // @coffee-obsessed-writer // @sourwolf-sterek32 // @mtngirlforever // @hyphymanatee // @momc95 // @dashesoflipstick

“How is my favorite prisoner?” Negan cocked an eyebrow up at the doctor who kneeled beneath him.

“Um, with his injuries that he sustained during his discipline Sir; not good…” the man stood up onto shaky legs and looked the leather clad leader in his eyes.

“Leave him in the dark for a couple of days, maybe he’ll cooperate then.” Negan replied flatly without any trace of human emotion.

“Sir, he is badly injured with multiple lacerations on his face, arms and abdomen; if we don’t treat him in this condition he might die—” the doctor attempted to be firm against Negan it didn’t turn out well.

“I don’t give a flying fuck about what happens to that sack of Redneck shit!” Negan’s voice boomed off of the high ceiling of the large room before his leather gloved hands grabbed the bright white collar of his lab coat and tossing him headfirst into the open side of the furnace.

The mood of the wide-eyed survivors of the Sanctuary shifted of that into fear of their leader’s actions. Negan clicked his tongue and wiped his hand down is scruffy mouth, “Well, we are fresh out of medical personnel, so go to the Hilltop and take theirs…” Negan pointed to his right hand man, Simon.

Simon nodded and walked towards the exit stopping short of the door when Negan’s voice broke through the silence again, “Take some of their shit too while you’re there.”

___

His bare feet slapped against the dirt path in the thick wooded area, his chest heaving large breaths of night air into his burning lungs. The mild sweat that glistened on his dirty skin caused his shaggy brown hair to stick to his forehead. He leaned up against a tree in an attempt to hide from a lone walker that was wandering through the woods; ironic, that’s him except for he’s barely more alive than the walker.

He brought his arm down to his waist to grip his knife, the snap of a twig on the forest floor signified the walker was within range. His beaten body staggered out from the large trunk and swung the knife into the walker’s face, sending it down to the bed of dead leaves. The walker’s dark, thick blood seeped from the large whole that the knife had created, “Shit.” Darryl huffed, leaning his arm against the tree he was once hiding behind.

His bright blue eyes squinted in confusion as he looked at the walker he had just killed, “What the hell?” He tilted his head gazing at the walker’s rather clean look about him, “Where did you come from?” His eyes followed the obvious trail the dead man had left behind. “Reed’s” he grunted.

___ Reed’s General Store, the crooked, dusty sign read on the shoddy roof of a smaller building. Darryl eyes surveyed the surroundings of the perimeter, before he readjusted his grip on the handle of the knife he had and he snuck closer to the door. He cautiously peered inside of the dirty window and saw nothing alarming inside, his bloody hand turned the knob and entered.

His eyes glanced around the looted shelves and racks that littered the shop; his rough hands leafed through the sizes of the left over clothing before going to the next rack. He slid the spray painted sweatshirt off of his body, the small streams of blood glistened in the beams of blue moonlight that trickled in through the broken window, he winced in pain as his skin stretched the bruises that dotted his skin, He dug his fingertips into the lip of the sweatpants that Negan’s men forced him into and stepped out of them as they fell to his ankles.

Just before his hand could make contact with the black shirt that hung on the silver metal prong you swung around the corner with your gun raised, “Don’t try anything or I’ll blow your head clean off!” He raised his hands and stayed silent, “Now turn around nice and slow; don’t forget bullets are faster than your knife on the ground.” He turned around slowly to face you and it was only then when you noticed that he was fully naked. “You hurt?” You refocused yourself in attempt to gawk at his generous member. You eyed him as you notice the bruises and the blood that glistened slightly; he grunted deeply in response to you, “Kick your knife to me.”

“I ain’t gonna hurt you, girl.” Your breath caught in your throat at the sound of his rough, gravel-like voice.

“I said kick me your knife, asshole!” You raised your voice at him. He followed your order and kicked the knife towards you, the tip of the metal blade grinding on the floor of the abandoned store. 

You bent down, grabbing the handle of the knife, placing it in your belt and returned the gun to your waistband of your jeans, “Cover yourself up.” You lowered your voice, his bare feet stepped back into the sweatpants and he quickly pulled them back up to his waist. “Did it bite you?” You motioned to the sweatshirt that lay bloodied on the floor.

“It wasn’t the dead.” He corrected you, his eyes looked down at you cautiously as he was becoming weary about the interaction that was happening.

“Let me see.” He stepped away but you quickly grabbed his wrist before he was out of your reach, “I’m not going to hurt you; let me look.” You coaxed him; he submitted, allowing you to guide him over to the check out counter to sit down.  “You belong somewhere?” You question him.

His breath hitched in his throat when you brought a wet cloth to a wound on his chest, his eyes connected with yours when you halted your movements, “You’re good…yeah I have a group I just—”

You glanced down at the clothes that he was ridding himself of and finally notice the orange spray paint on the sweats “Negan?”

His body tightened with your inquiry, “How’d you kno—”

“I used to work for him.” He leaned away from you slightly, his eyes filling with anxiety, “I got out too…I was one of his nurses. He said I cared about his prisoners too much.” You chuckled slightly to yourself and resumed cleaning his numerous wounds that scattered about his body.

“So he just let you go?” He said carefully watching how tender you were with bandaging him.

“No,” you paused, looking up to his eyes from the last wound that needed covered up, “He offered me to become a wife—said I couldn’t do my job anymore; so I packed a small pack and left.” You smirked at him.

“There,” you said sitting back up and placed your hands on your knees, “You’ll be a bit weak and  pretty sore for a couple of days but you should be okay…” his face relaxed for a moment as he offered you a small smirk of gratitude.

“You didn’t have to do thi—” he broke the tension that was beginning to build.

“Save it…” you voice trailed indicating for him to reveal his name finally.

“Daryl.” He introduced himself.

“Y/N.” You stated back to him.

He nodded, “thanks…You have a group now?” His voice was low and his tone was curiously cautious.

“Not anymore.” You stood, turning your back to him to rummage through your belongings.

“I’m sorry.” He twitted his thumbs and tried to stand up but stumbled.

You turned back around in time and your hands wrapped around his waist and grabbed his arm to steady him, “You’re too beat up to be on your own for a while, at least until you have some antibiotics in your system.” You warned, “You’re going to need antibiotics, Daryl.” You said rolling out a blanket on the floor and laying down on top of it.

You relaxed in your place on the floor, sliding over to make some room for him, “We can go down the street in the morning.” You closed your eyes but you know he’s about to speak again, “You’re not in any shape to be on your own right now; plus it’s dark out there and Negan has people looking for you.”

“You’ve done too much for me, Y/N. Thank you—” he cleared his throat.

“You need those antibiotics so your wounds don’t get infected; if they do, which they will without those antibiotics, the fever will burn you right up and turn your brain into soup before you come back.” He still tried to attest you; you lean up on your elbows, “Didn’t your Momma ever teach you any manners?”

He laughed at you and slid down off of the box he was resting on and onto the floor beside you. He placed his head on the make-shift pillow and folded his hands on his chest, “Alright.” He agreed and settled in beside you.

There were several minutes of silence between the two of you, just the music from the many crickets that sang outside, “I hope you don’t snore.” You rolled over to face him.

“Oh don’t worry, I do.” He laughed with his own words, his eyes hovering on your lips for an extended second. “You should get used to it.”

“Oh really?” You leaned your head on your elbow and cocked an eyebrow up to him.

He grunted and slowly rolled onto his side so his face was close to yours, his eyes gently running along the curves of your smile. “You said I’d be weak for a couple of days and I need the antibiotics and I’m in” he used air quotes with his hands, “no shape to be on my own right now” he mocked your voice as best as he could. “I figured that could take a couple days…” his voice trailed off.

“How do you reckon it’d be a couple of days?” You whispered finding yourself get lost in his blue eyes.

“I do feel like shit now.” He confessed.

“Well, the adrenaline from your grand escape has probably worn completely off by now and you are really roughed up; like bad…” you admitted, rolling onto your back, gazing up at the ceiling.

“I wouldn’t mind staying with you for a couple of days; I could help you find more water and I can even go hunting for something once you make me better.” His voice sent ripples through the tension that built back again between the two of you once more.

“Yeah…I guess that would be okay.” Your voice became thicker as your body relaxed for the first time in a long time; maybe it was because of not being alone; because of him…

“I can take first watch.” He said leaning up on his least injured arm, gritting his teeth slightly.

“No; you need the rest.” You argued back to him.

“From the looks of it, so do you.” He spat at you and smiled playfully, knowing it would get a rise out of you in an instant.

“You look worse than I do, Daryl. Don’t even try me!” You gently nudged an elbow into his side making him grunt slightly, “Shit, sorry!” You shot up, your eyes filled with worry.

“You’re good, Y/N.” He nodded, his hand guarding his side where you had just nudged him.

You lie back down next to him and the two of you listened to the harmony of the crickets play in the forest, the occasional dragging of a nearby walker. Daryl’s ears picked up on the dead giveaway of the dead, your hand cupped his, “They can’t get in…this place is actually pretty secure, not too easy to get inside.” You whispered, careful not to risk being too loud.

“For the dead,” he began but he saw in the moonlight the way your eyebrows furrowed down, “it ain’t easy to get inside…hell I was half dead when I wandered straight through that door.” His low, tired voice sent shockwaves through your body and goosebumps to erupt on your exposed skin.

“Well, you weren’t the quietest so I could hear you coming in.” You bantered back with him. This is nice, you thought; you had forgotten what it was like to be with a live person, a good person. “Okay,” you sighed, “We’ve got a long way for you to go tomorrow so, let’s get some rest…” 

___

The warm ray of sunshine burst through the dusty window on the front door onto your face. Your eyes fluttered open, you rubbed your eyes from the sleep that still hung there, “Morning.” Daryl’s voice hummed, “You snore you know that?” Half of his mouth curled up into a playful smile.

“I assume you’re feeling better; still look like hell though.” You teased and twisted around to kneel and begin to roll the blanket up for your journey.

“Still catching up on your beauty sleep too?” He said sarcastically and tossed you a rope to tie up the blanket to your backpack.

“Ready, Daryl?” You said tying the knot in expert time.

___

“It’s just down this road about eight and a half or so miles.” You pointed, his eyes bugged out a little at the normally reasonable number but it seemed impossible in his condition at this time. “Hey, we can stop and take breaks whenever you need to, okay…how about we go halfway and set up a small camp, I can change your bandages and we can do the rest tomorrow?” You suggested, he remained silent but he nodded. You took his hand into yours and began your journey to get the antibiotics that he needed, hand-in-hand.

“Why’d you say no?” Daryl asked  you after about twenty minutes of walking slowly together down the long road.

You jumped slightly at the sudden rumble of his deep voice, you looked over to him, “What do you—Oh, Negan.” You nodded. “That man’s a monster…he means well with some things but he just—” you rambled, “He just doesn’t know when it is enough, goes too far.” You looked straight ahead again, gazing down the long road that you still had to walk down. “How are you feeling?” You changed the subject.

He grunted, “I’m good, little unsteady but I can make it. Could use some water though…”

You reached into the mesh side pocket of your pack, “Shit.” You muttered, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” You frowned heavily as you turned the water bottle upside down and nothing but a couple drops of water dripped from the lip of the bottle. “Daryl, I’m sorry…I must have not closed it tight enough or something.”

“I’m sure there’s a stream around here or something; we’ll find something.” He swung an arm around your shoulder.

You smiled quaintly to him and reveled in the most physical contact that you’ve had since before you turned Negan down. “You’re group must be worried sick,” he tilted his eyebrow to you in silent confusion, “Nice guy like you…you are most definitely missed.” Your heart fluttered within your glistening chest and you internally rolled your eyes at your comment.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen them for a couple weeks.” He revealed to you, a small drop of sweat hung on his forehead. “shit, it’s getting hot already; how much longer do we have to go yet?” He said scrunching his nose in acute pain that began to sting as the sweat moistened his bandages.

“Uh, maybe about half way there or so…let’s take a break, maybe find some water, set up camp for the night and I can change out your dressings.” You suggested to him.

“Yeah, that sounds good, Y/N.” He nodded.

The two of you walked down the road a couple yards more before veering off of the road down the small hill into the woods that lined both sides of the road. “This should do, you think?” You settled your hands on your hips and blew a hair from your face and pointed, “Should be easy to make a perimeter around here, set up in the middle,” you took a few steps into your venue for your home for the night, “here.”

Daryl’s eyes were bloodshot and his skin was moist and pale, his shaky arm was resting on a slender tree trunk; your voice muffled within his ears but he grunted in agreement to whatever you were going on about.

“Hey,” you clapped your hands, “you going to pass out?” You said wrapping your arms around his body, “you’re going to pass out, okay. Over here.” You said, hoisting his body slightly as you helped him move to rest on a large, fallen, rotten tree. “You’re dehydrated.” You said cupping his scruffy cheeks in attempt to focus his attention onto you.

“I’m fine, just a little tired.” He groaned, nodding his head.

“I know you are, but you need to stay awake for a little for me okay?” You raised your voice and began blocking him in, attempting to hide and barricade him on the tree he was sitting on. “There’s a stream about a mile into the woods, I need you to stay awake until I get back, Daryl.”

“You’re not going alone, it’s too dangerous—what if something happens to you.” His voice croaked in his dry mouth and his eyes fluttered slightly.

“Here.” You said, giving him his knife back, “Use this on whatever that tries to kill you, okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He nodded, his eyelids becoming increasingly heavier and heavier.

___

“Wake up!” You shook his shoulder, “I have water, here—” you shot backwards as Daryl’s sweaty hand emerged and swung around wildly in the air. “Daryl! It’s me, Y/N!” You said calmly in attempt to get him to realize it was you instead of a walker.

“Y/N?” His deep voice sounded thick with hesitation, his voice was followed by his body that rounded the edge of the trees. You nodded and held up the full bottle of water to him, “shit—I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking—”

“It’s okay, you were probably just having a mild hallucination from the dehydration,” you elaborated and sat on the dead tree, “Come on.” You patted the spot next to him, “Let me take another look at you.”

“Thanks.” He grunted deeply and took a long gulp of the water, sitting next to you. “You know,” he said as you helped him peel off his shirt to expose his numerous bandages, “After we ran into Negan, I didn’t think there was anyone else like us left alive.” His chest tightened with your fingertips picking the edges of his largest bandage.

You chuckled slightly to yourself, “Yeah, I guess there isn’t that many of us anymore.” You agreed, “Sorry.” You smiled up to him, “This is going to hurt a bit more, take a deep breath.” Your hand peeled off the last bandage, you leaned down so you had a better look at him to assess the wounds healing.

“How does it look?” He asked you with a hint of nervousness inside its density.

“Um, good…” you bugged your eyes out slightly, “You’re definitely going to need those antibiotics though…” you laughed and grabbed your backpack, rummaging into to it, retrieving your supplies.

Daryl’s pure blue eyes admired you silently when you were organizing your things before you dressed him again. His heart skipped in his chest and a cheeky smile crept onto his unshaven face. “What?” Your voice and sudden eye contact with him snapped him from the warm thoughts in his mind and made his eyes bug out slightly.

“Nothing.” He said shifting his gaze from your eyes.

You rolled your eyes at him and gently pushed his knee, “Daryl, what is it?” You furrowed your eyebrows at him, kneeling down by the tree he was perched on.

He hesitated and it was like you could tell he was trying to think of how to form his thoughts into a sentence, “No one’s ever cared about me. Especially like this. I ain’t used to it.” He confessed.

Your eyes lingered in his for a moment, “I’m sorry.” You whispered and stood up to your feet, sighing, “good news,” you faked a smile, “you’ll be good to go on your own in a couple of days, you’ll be all healed up then you can find your way back to your group.” Your smile faded a little at the thought.

“And what's gonna to happen to you? You said you don’t have anyone…” he grunted deeply in his throat.

You avoided his eyes, zipping the backpack closed, "I guess I'll just go back to moving around… and”

"Stay with us.” He interrupted.

“What?!” You said immediately in response to his outlandish proposal.

“You can stay with us, they’ll love you like I do—” his own voice stunning him. Your head snapped around to him quickly, “I mean—how much you take care of me.” He nodded in attempt to convince himself along with you.

“Oh,” you furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head from the timid thoughts you were having about what he actually meant. “I don’t know, I mean, I haven’t been in a group for a while and you guys seem to be close; I don’t think that’s for me anymore—” you finished.

“Think about it…okay?” He grunted and stood to his feet, you nodded in response.

The two of you worked on setting up a quaint camp for the night, Daryl doing the lighter contributions due to his injuries in the beginning stages of healing. You blocked off a perimeter and built a small circle of rocks to make a pit for a fire to cook and boil water. The tranquil sound of the woods slowly drowned out by your overwhelming thoughts of being with a group again and actually belonging somewhere.

The sun began to lower from its highest point in the sky, the rays of light shimmering down onto the forest floor where you were attempting to form a trap.

“Here.” Daryl said sitting beside you.

You smiled slightly back to him and then turned back to your hands fiddling with the sticks and twine, “I got it, Daryl. You should be resting for the rest of the trip tomorrow.”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that you can do it, I’m just trying to return the favor; let me help you like you’ve helped me.” He held out his hand, gently brushing onto yours, “Please.” He smiled at you, making butterflies swirl around in your empty stomach.

You giggled, “Okay,” you said handing it to him, “I guess your Momma did teach you manners after all.” You joked.

A chuckle rumbled in his scruffy throat and his hands began to tie the twine tightly, your eyes watched his hands working but it wasn’t long before your mind began to think about what else that man’s hands could do…

His muffled voice started to become more clear and you blinked away your thoughts, “Y/N…are you okay?” His eyes wandered into yours.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You said lacing your fingers together and bringing your knees up towards your chest.

“Here, put this about a hundred yards down there,” his finger pointed to a thin trail that was etched into the woods, “Now, don’t walk straight down there, just keep your eyes on it and walk beside it then set the trap up. Like this.” He told you and showed you how to set the trap to hopefully capture some food for the both of you.

___

Night time fell over your camp quickly, the small flames of the fire cast a light hue of orange on your faces. The musical sounds of the crickets filled the night air, breaking any silence. “I can take the first watch, you need sleep.”

Your heavy eyes blinked slowly, “Okay, but only for a couple hours.” You adjusted, making yourself comfortable on the dirt ground of the forest.

___

Your eyes fluttered open, the harmony of crickets was replaced by the sweet sounds of birds chirping, you shot up in realization, “Daryl!” You shouted, your heart jumping into your throat.

He stepped out from behind a tree, zipping his pants back up, “There she is.” he smiled and hobbled over to you.

You were quick to your feet, “What the hell were you thinking?!” You shouted at him, making his smile fade instantly.

“You needed to sleep, so I let you!” He defended.

“What if something happened, Daryl?” You shouted, tossing your arms up in the air instead of shoving him. “Or what if you fell asleep too and walkers came to camp or Negan found us—”

“Yeah, well he didn’t!” He raised his deep voice at you, “And nothing happened so I don’t know why you’re all upset at me lettin’ you sleep!”

“Unbelievable.” You scoffed, packing everything up again, “and to think I thought you were different…” you muttered under your breath, latching the buckle shut.

“What did you say?” He tipped his head down.

“Did you check the trap; you’ll need something to eat…” you changed the subject. He hesitated for a brief moment, “I’ll check it.” You said storming past him.

You returned shortly with a small rabbit in your hand, “Here.” You dropped it in his lap before walking past him where he sat by the small fire that he tended to.

“Aren’t you havin’ any.”

“Nope. Not hungry.” You said shortly.

He expertly skinned the rabbit and slowly turned it over the fire cooking it, “I’m sorry.” He said quietly, you looked at him with his hand extended out to you. You stood up and grabbed the meat from him and took a large bite making him chuckle slightly. The two of you ate in silence for a little while, it wasn’t long before the two of you ate it all because the rabbit was fairly small.

“Do you need me to change your bandage before we leave?” You inquired, swallowing the last bit of rabbit with a gulp of water.

“Nah, I can wait until we get there; you said it’s not long until we get there anyway, right?” He said picking at his fingernails.

“Yeah, about an hours walk from here if we take the road; ready?” You asked.

___

“How are you doing?” You asked him as he slowed his pace down, “Do you need some water? We can stop if you need to.”

“No, I’m okay; just a little sore, that’s all.”

You walked beside him and grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers in with his, “It’s just up here, then you can go back to your group.” You cleared your throat, “Without me.” He didn’t say anything but you noticed his grip on your hand got tighter.

The two of you walked a half a mile hand in hand in complete silence, the road veered off to the left and the trees cleared for a long building that used to be a strip of stores and businesses. “Here we are.”

“A veterinarian’s office?”

“Yeah, most medications are the pretty much the same; most people don’t know that so it should have what you need.” You said looking over your shoulder, walking towards the door retrieving your weapon and tapping on the glass section on the door.

After waiting a couple minutes for any walkers inside to come to the door where you just tapped, “Look’s like no one’s home.” You turned the knob to the door but it was locked; you took the end of your blade and smashed it through the glass, reached in and unlocked the door.

“Sit here, I’ll be right back.” You said, smiling to him before you wandered the isles and trailed your hand along the shelves, grabbing the supplies and medicine that you needed and put it in the red plastic shopping basket.

___

It wasn’t long before you returned to the front counter with the basket full of medical supplies for Daryl. “Take one of these, three times a day,” you said placing a white medication bottle on the counter, the contents rattling inside, “And take one of these in the morning for two weeks.” You looked up and he was staring intently at your face, memorizing it.

“You got it, Doc.” He grunted and tugged his shirt over his head, “thanks.” His tone tinged with pain.

You furrowed your eyebrows in response to his voice, but your brushed it off and peeled away his bandages and began to clean them. You could feel butterflies doing their dance inside of your stomach again, “What is it Daryl?” You asked not looking away from the task at hand.

“I think you should stay.” He responded.

“Daryl,” you sighed and sat back, making eye contact with him, “We already talked about it—”

“There’s an empty house you can stay in,” he continued, you leaned forward and resumed your work again, “if you don’t like it you are free to leave whenever…just stay, please.” His voice pleaded for your agreement, “They would be so grateful to meet the woman who saved my life, when I get back.” He paused, “We could need you there too, we don’t have anyone who knows half as much as you do anymore.”

You finished taping the last bandage secure to his abdomen, “There.” You said.

His heart dropped inside his chest, he looked down to the three large gauze patched on his bruised belly and nodded softly.

“I’m sorry, Daryl.” You whispered rubbing his knee gently.

“Yeah,” he paused looking at your hand on his knee then up to your face. The heartbreak in his eyes ate away at yours own, tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

You sprung up and cleared your throat, “Well, I guess this is it then.” You said turning away to wipe the small accumulation of tears that threatened to expose your true feelings about that man. You turned around to him to help him up but you were stunned when he wrapped his arms around your waist and presses his lips onto yours.

Your heart leaped within your chest, your hands easily found their way to the back of his neck, like they were going to where they were always meant to be. You kissed him back deeply, full of passion, his tongue teased your bottom lip gently asking for acceptance; you submitted and the kiss deepened, his hands wandered your body from your waist and settled on your ass.

You broke the kiss and he pressed his head on your forehead, “I—I can’t Daryl, I’m sorry.” You whispered, slipping away from his grip and grabbing your bag. “Here is where you need to go…” you pointed on a map that you sprawled out on the surface of the desk.

“Come with me.” He pressed, “you said it yourself, it’s dangerous for me to be out there on my own,” his eyes searched yours making your heart skip a beat. His hand gently made its way on top of yours, “Just a couple of days so you can rest.”

You flipped your hand over so you could intertwine your fingers with his, he smiled as he felt you squeeze his hand slightly, “Okay.” You nodded.

___

The two of you journeyed back to Alexandria over the next three days and two nights, you had stopped and made camp in abandoned buildings and scavenged what you could. The days that you spent together on the road was fun, Daryl taught you some hunting tips and you monitored his wounds.

“How am I looking, Doc?” He asked when you changed his bandages again.

“Really good actually,” you paused and changed the bandages faster because he was healing beautifully, “Those antibiotics are working great!” You paused, “How’s the pain?”

“Not so bad, I can tell I’m getting better but there’s still some pain.” He admitted, sliding on his shirt again. 

You leaned down and kissed his mouth sweetly, “Better?” You asked leaving your face inches away from his.

“Much better.” He smiled, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

You quickly kissed him one more time before standing up straight again, “We’re almost home, right?”

“Yeah, about a half a day’s walk.” He paused, “I think we can make it before nightfall if we leave now.”

___ “Here we are.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand nervously, “You ready, Y/N?” With the gentle squeeze of his hand the two of you walked out of the tree line and towards the gate of Alexandria.

“Holy shit!” Rosita said from the watch post, “Rick!” She shouted over her shoulder when she saw who was approaching the community, “Open the gate!” She ordered Eugene as she descended the ladder.

Rick’s attention was fixed on Rosita and the opening gate, the pistol bouncing in the holster against his leg as he came running; the other survivors emerged towards the growing commotion. “What is it? Negan?” His face hard with concern.

Rosita smiled happily, “Look!” She motioned with her arms out of the gate. Rick walked over towards the entrance and stopped in his tracks.

“Daryl?” He whispered, watching his face become more clear as he walked closer. Rick walked out of the community and closer to Daryl, the gap closing. Daryl let go of your hand and quickened his pace.

Rick’s eyes widened, his arms wrapping around his brother, “I thought you were dead.” He released Daryl, “Negan came here, looking for you; said you escaped, I thought—”

“I did.” Daryl interrupted, “Lucky enough for me, I found her.” He nodded to where you were standing a few yards back from where they reunited. “Her name is, Y/N; she saved my life. I got the shit kicked out of me just before I got out of Negan’s and my dumb ass stumbled into her and she fixed me up, gave me medicine…she’s good Rick.” He finished.

Rick placed a hand on Daryl’s shoulder, “I trust you, brother; welcome home.” He smiled then walked past Daryl over to you.

“Welcome to Alexandria. I’m Rick Grimes, Daryl tells me you saved his life; I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve done for him.” He reached out his hand from his hip.

You shook his hand, “Nice to meet you, Rick. I’m Y/N, it was great to know that there’s good people still out there…”

“You’re welcome to stay for as long as you want here, Y/N.” He smiled and the two of you walked back over to where Daryl was watching on.

“Thank you.” You smiled, Daryl took your hand in his once more, Rick smiled to himself when he saw this.

___

“This is where you can stay while you’re here.” Rick said, “I’m right over there in that house, the others are in that one there.” He pointed, “If you need anything, Y/N, please don’t hesitate to ask.” He smiled, “I’ll let you get settled in, I’m having dinner at my house; you’re welcome to come.” He patted your shoulder before walking away.

You walked up the stairs and opened the door, your eyes wandered the very clean interior of the model home that was all yours; it was weird, it was like the end of the world didn’t exist in this community; everyone was happy, clean and well fed…something you thought died when the world did.

You made your way into the kitchen and set the box of necessities that were given to you by Rick and the others, You brought your hand up and curiously flicked the handle of the sink faucet. Your eyes widened when the water generously poured from the opening, “Holy shit!” You exclaimed. You turned it off and ran upstairs and opened every door trying to find the master bathroom.

You turned on the water to the hottest setting and viciously ripped off your bloody, dirty clothes and hopped into the shower. You sighed heavily as the hot water washed over your body, the sweat, dirt and blood began to puddle before swirling down the drain.

You leaned your head back and relished in the warm water that rained down over your tired muscles.

“Y/N?” A man’s voice echoed through the minimally furnished home.

You shut off the water of the shower, “Hello?” You shouted once you realized that you were without a towel to cover up with.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Daryl said coming around the corner, “Oh, sorry.” He stood there, his eyes fixed on your wet, clean body. He cleared his throat, “Oh, here. I brought you a towel…” he said averting his eyes and handing you the fresh white towel.

“Thanks.” You said, wrapping it around your body, “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I was just wondering if you were settling in okay or if you needed anything.” He said internally battling himself to not let his eyes roll over every curve of your body.

“Yeah, it’s nice here…it’s perfect, actually.” You said, wringing out your wet hair that was leaving small rivers to run down your shoulders and into the crevasse of your breasts. 

“All right, I can get that, I’ll just leave it in the kitchen for you then… I, uh, I’ll see you—”

You pressed up onto your toes and kissed him, “…at Rick’s later for dinner.”

___

You picked out some clothes from the box that Daryl had placed in the kitchen, you settled for some shorts and a black tank top with a grey and white flannel that you tied around your waist. The sun was beginning to set on the first day that you were living in the community of Alexandria, it was just about time for you to meet the rest of Daryl’s group over dinner at Rick’s place.

You walked across the street towards the house with the warm glow of family and fresh smell of spaghetti aroma seeping from the open windows, the muffled chatter mixed with laughter echoed slightly off of the steel walls of Alexandria. You nervously knocked on the door and you heard the inside fall quiet.

The door opened and there you saw Daryl, a smile on his face, “Hey, you look great.” He stepped backwards allowing you to walk into the threshold of the home, “They’re all excited to meet you.” He said placing his palm on your lower back.

“Everyone this is Y/N. Y/N this is everyone.” Daryl motioned to his family who sat around the large table, their faces warm with wide, welcoming smiles.

“Welcome, Y/N.” Carol said, handing her a plate with a pile of food on it, “Have a seat.” She nodded to an empty chair that was next to Daryl’s.

“So, Y/N. What did you do before all of this?” Rick asked as everyone began their meal.

You set down your glass of water and wiped your mouth, “I used to be a nurse, I worked on a medical-surgical unit for a couple of years then I moved to the emergency room a couple of months before the end.” You told them, “When I found him,” you jutted your elbow out to nudge Daryl’s, “He was in pretty rough shape from Negan.”

The mention of his name turned the room on edge, “How do you know Negan?” Rick set his elbows on the table top.

“I used to live there and work for him as a nurse.” You remained completely transparent with them, “He said I got too close to the patients and told me I would have to marry him or leave…so I left.” There was a break in the tension when you finished your story about how you knew Negan. “I’m sorry for whatever he did to anyone else; what he did to Daryl…” your voice trailed, “I’m sorry.”

Daryl grabbed your hand, “It’s not your fault, none of it was.” Everyone smiled and resumed eating.

The rest of the night went on without a problem, the group welcomed you into their family. You learned about everyone and how they all ended up here at Alexandria and why they chose to stay there and put down some roots. Dinner was concluded and you began to gather up the dishes, you brought the large pile of empty plates into the kitchen and set them in the sink.

“It was great meeting you, Y/N. It seems like you fit in well around here; especially with Daryl.” Carol said turning on the faucet and begin washing the dishes, “I haven’t seen him smile like that in years.”

“Thank you, Carol.” You said feeling your cheeks flush a bright pink, “He’s a good guy.”

“I got it from here, Y/N. Thanks for the help.” Carol smiled sweetly to you, “Daryl’s outside waiting to walk you home.”

___

“Hey there.” You said, tucking your hands into the back pockets of your shorts.

“Hey.” He grunted, “C’mere.” He said, grabbing your shoulder and bringing you into his body closely and kissed the top of your head. You wrapped your arms around his body and inhaled deeply. “Want me to walk you home?” You nodded into this chest.

His arm gently perched on top of your shoulders, “Well, this is me.” You laughed and turned towards him. Your eyes sparked when they met his again in the moonlight of Alexandria, his eyes sparkled as he looked down at you. You could feel the tension rising between the two of you, it had been growing ever since you met him about a week ago in Reed’s General Store.

You cleared your throat, “You need them changed again or uh, how are you feeling?” You shook your head at how awkward you sounded.

He chuckled and gently caressed your cheek, “I feel a lot better when I’m with you.” He paused, taking your face in his hands; slowly and gently kissing your lips tenderly.

Things picked up when you wrapped your hands around his neck, he allowed his hands to slide down your sides ever so slowly and settle on your hips, gently squeezing them. You took control and turned him so his back was pressing on the door to your new home, your hand left his neck and pushed the handle down and you swung the door open.

Once inside, Daryl broke the kiss so you could close the door behind you. His rough hands pulled the hem of your tank top up, you took the hint and raised your hands allowing him to slide it over your head and down onto the floor. You eagerly tore at each other’s clothes as you kissed passionately while you ascended the staircase, stumbling a couple of times and laughing into each other’s mouths.

Daryl trailed down the sides of your hips and under your ass, lifting slightly. You returned your hands to the back of his neck and hopped up slightly to wrap your legs around his waist. You broke the kiss and looked deeply into his eyes, “Are you okay, Daryl?”

He kissed you again before answering, “Perfect.” He entered the room, carrying you over to the bed, gently laying you down on the fresh linens that were tightly tucked over the mattress. His body pressed over yours in the most heavenly way possible. His hands tangled with yours and brought them over your head, pinning you down underneath him.

His hips ground down onto yours making you moan, you could feel his lips curl up in satisfaction. “You like that?” His lustful voice sounded more rough than it normally was. You bucked your hips up frantically needing more friction and nodded your head rapidly. He let out a deep, throaty chuckle that sent a shockwave through your body and settled in your moistening core.

You could feel his hardening member through the thin fabric of his boxers, his lips became absent of yours and began to pepper sloppy kisses on your jaw and down your neck making you squirm, “Please Daryl, I need you.” You moaned into his ear. His hands roughly squeezed your breast, you arched your back giving him access to your clasp of your bra. His other hand reached underneath and flicked it open easily.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” He said taking in you sip by sip, his eye drowning in your exposed breasts. His mouth skimmed down the center of your chest, veering over to one of your nipples, taking it in his mouth. His tongue flicked over the nub as he sucked; his other hand tweaked your other nipple in his fingers.

“Daryl!” You moaned through your breath that hitched in your throat by his touch, the wetness beginning to seep into your panties. “Please, Daryl.” You begged.

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you say my name.” He hovered over you and kissed you sloppily, your hands clawed down his chest, stomach and entering the lip of his boxers. He moaned into your mouth at your gentle touch on his cock as you agonizingly moved your hands up and down his length slowly.

You adjusted your hips and wrapped your legs around his waist and squeezed slightly, pressing himself harder onto you. His hands pulled down your panties and he gripped the base of his dick in his hand and pressed onto your clit, rubbing it roughly making you moan again and involuntarily buck your hips for more, “You want this?” He asked you, his head inches away from yours. 

You nodded, looking into his crystal blue eyes, “Yes, Daryl.” Without a second thought he pressed into you, squeezing his eye shut in pleasure at how you felt on him; you squeezed his shoulders as the burning sensation faded as your body got used to his girth. You moaned sweetly when he began to move slowly in and out of you, his mouth pressed to yours, kissing you lovingly.

“You feel so fucking good, Y/N.” He mumbled onto your lips, “So wet and tight,” he kissed you between his words, “I’m not going to last long.”

“Then you better fuck me right then or we’ll have to try it again.” You said breathlessly, moving your hips in sync with his. His length rubbed against you in the right spot making you moan loudly as you began to feel the warmth build in your center. “Faster.” You clawed your fingers into his hips.

He leaned on his elbows and moved his hips at a faster pace, he looked down to watch himself disappearing into you, “Fuck!” He exclaimed and tipped his hips hitting into you harder, “You’re pussy feels so good around my cock, Y/N.” He grunted, quickening his pace even faster, his hands balling up in the sheets. You moaned his name loudly and leaned your head back; his lips attacked the exposed flesh on your neck, gently nipping and suckling at the sensitive skin.

“Oh my God, Daryl! I’m going to come, I’m close baby!” You screamed, hooking your arms under his on either side of you and dug your fingernails into his back so hard that there were sure to be marks there the next day.

“Come with me, Y/N.” He kissed you and looked into your eyes, thrusting into your soaking center at a hard, animalistic pace. 

You squeezed your eyes shut tightly as the red hot coil snapped inside of you sending you into the euphoric high of your own climax, you walls clenching down on Daryl’s cock that was still thrusting into you. You clawed harshly at his back and he kissed you gently as he rode you through your high to reach his own.

“Shit, Y/N!” He moaned and sank deep into you as he began spilling inside of you, the warmth you felt made you moan along with him as he kissed you sweetly; a contrast to what your first time making love with Daryl was like.

He pulled out of you and rolled over to his back, his arm bringing you closely to his side. “Wow.” He said catching his breath.

You snuggled your head on his chest as he rubbed your arm, “Yeah, wow.” You smiled and caught your breath as well.

There was a silence that grew between the two of you that normally would have been awkward because of the tension between the both of you but that didn’t exist anymore. The silence was sweet, you both marveled in the company of each other, your breaths becoming in sync with each other.

Daryl broke the silence, “What I said in the woods three days after I met you, I meant it…” his tone low and soft.

“What are you talking about?” You moved your head so you were looking at his face, the stream of blue moonlight gently washed over his perfect face.

“I love you, I meant it then and I mean it now.” He cleared his throat and kissed you gingerly.

“As scary and crazy as it seems… I love you too, Daryl. Saving you was what I was supposed to do; falling for you was a choice.” You whispered, “I was alone and not far from being broken when I found you…fixing you, fixed me.”

“And I would do it all over again for you, Y/N. I was close to dying and you you saved me…you make me feel alive in a world full of the dead.” He squeezed you tightly to his body and the two of you drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

[sagebodisattva]

Another Nail in Your Coffin

“C’mon Sage. Bring on the knowledge! More Sage! Make another video!”

Sure. But I really don’t know why you’d want me to keep on going on, talking at length, as it’s only going to cause the walls to close in around you; because the more and more I scrutinize you, and the more and more I analyze and dissect the current situation, the more and more disappointed and disgusted I become, hence, the more and more arduous the inevitable judgement and consequences that will follow. Thus, every word I speak, acts as another nail in the coffin. What, you thought I was finished? Ha. No, my friend. I’m just getting started.

I know that many of you have longed for more metaphysics, and wish that I would resume making more videos concerning those types of aspects, but, one thing you have to come to realize, is that there’s been a dramatic change of season. Most of the content on the channel thus far has mainly been concerned with the metaphysical, and that’s due to the particular phase I was in at the time. It was a period of exploration, profound thought, and shared deep wisdom. Those were the main areas of concern of that era; but recently, however, there’s been a major shift of course, and, subsequently, the area of emphasis has also shifted. And so now, I have moved into a phase primarily concerned with productive destruction. Yes, productive destruction, not nihilism. Whereas nihilism might be construed as illustrating the rationalizations of a sociopath for his abhorrent criminal behaviors; productive destruction, on the other hand, is only concerned with destroying the evil crafts of deception, wherein the motive is always selfless service and magnanimous sacrifice. This is a period where the main area of concern will be deconstructing falsehoods, and tearing down corrupt foundations.

And it’s not that I want it to be this way. I don’t. I’d much rather be speaking on the higher points, and delving deeply into arcane knowledge; but, unfortunately, the current circumstances have dictated otherwise. Instead, I have to set to work, hunting down deceptive ideologies, proceeding to systematically break them down; and, ultimately, stalk and kill them. Rigorous acts of menticide, whereby any and all delusions are susceptible to decapitation on the chopping block. We have to isolate and trap the malignant sociopaths, and strip them down to their raw bones, then rack and shatter those bones down into thousands of tiny little pieces. We have to destroy them, utterly. Yeah, and it’s no big deal at all if a scumbag ends up perishing by the hand of his own stupidity. It’s a completely acceptable loss. It’s effort well worth any blood stained hands; and when it comes to washing away human stains, there is no higher calling.

And this is where some of you may get the idea to raise your voice to speak, and assert an opinion, but I say, while you are free to speak, what you say is totally inconsequential and irrelevant; as, you don’t get to decide anything, and no matter what your theory is, it’s the wrong theory. It’s not about a choice between various options in a world, no. External events don’t happen “out there” somewhere. Decisions are not being made by “others”, sorry. I know you have your little oral fixation thing, but no, sorry; and this is exactly why you are in a position where you need to be informed. The only problem is, your informers are complete liars. So get it straight: everything that happens around here is being imagined into being, and nothing else. So, overall, you really don’t know jack-shit. And since you don’t know, then ASK; instead of always being a nasty little opinionated needle-nosed twit. Shut your fucking mouth up right now, or get a viral payload dropped directly on your bird brained head. Yeah, the coronavirus! This guy thinks it’s from a bat cave, and that guy thinks it’s a leak from a viral lab, but, fuck you both, it’s original source is from nowhere, and it will go and shed wherever the hell it needs to. And right now, your overinflated pretentious head is looking like the best destination.

I mean, the arrogance and disrespect of it all, has gotten completely out of control, and I’m sick and tired of it. Sick and tired of it to the extent that, a lot of you motherfuckers are gonna have to die. Plain and simple. We’ve got no more use for you. You are nothing but a detriment. How dare you speak and act the way you do. Who the fuck’s mind do you think this is anyhow? Yeah, I know. You think you occupy physical space, so it’s no wonder you believe you have some inherent right to position and property. Well, I hate to break it to you jack-off, but you ain’t got an inherent right to jack-shit. You are occupying my mind-space, and as such, at best, you are only a guest here; but I don’t seem to remember you paying any homage, or asking permission to construct your bullshit in my mind.

And I know some of you may say:

“Hey, wait a minute Sage. Slow down. Why is it “your” mind-space? Isn’t this OUR mind-space? How can you lay claim to this? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to describe it as “our mind-space?”

No. Sorry, it’s my mind-space, and no one else’s. And that’s because I decided to take on responsibility for it, when no one else wanted it. The mind-space was essentially an unmanned wheel of a ship, with no captain, aimlessly adrift at sea. So I decided to take on responsibility for the mind-space, and therefore, maintenance of the interior of the mind-space has become my job. So that’s why I have become the main guardian and caretaker of the mind-space, and you, did not. You had your chance to let go of everything, enlighten your mind, and take on responsibility, but you chose to squander that opportunity, and decided to become a lazy ignorant jackass instead. Rather then pursuing the truth, you chose to argue against enlightenment, and continually advocated for staying powerless and ignorant in delusion. Instead, you chose masturbation with a blindfold. Instead, you insisted on constantly giving attributional blowjobs to gods or the universe. So no, it’s too late. No one was interested in uncovering the truth before, so why are you suddenly worried about it now? The only thing you all ever aspired to become, was desire whores and value junkies, trapped in a delusional state of mental slavery; and thus, that’s exactly what you got. So embrace it, and become one with it. You wholly deserve it, and threw away your chance of illumination for it. So now, go ahead and choke on it. Just like I knew you would. Just like a good little jack-ass should.

So, no. You were not yet ready to rise to the occasion. You had your chance, but you hung up your gloves, and threw in the towel. I, on the other hand, was up for the task. I rose to the occasion. I made consistent efforts, uncovered the truth, liberated the mind, and assumed full responsibility for reality. And this is exactly why this whole realm is now considered mine. It is reality that is under my direct purview. This is my mind-space, and you are but a mere guest. An unruly visitor, who is quickly testing the extent of my good graces, and trying the limits of my extreme patience. It’s time for you to get disciplined. And I don’t care about any talk of rights and freedoms. Your rights and freedoms are overrated. You don’t deserve those rights and freedoms, because you are much too immature, greedy and reckless to be trusted with such great responsibilities. So it’s time to take them away from you. And that’s gonna be one of the major ways you will be punished from now on. Things are gonna start being taken away from you at an alarming rate. I know you think you are entitled to them, but I think it’s time for you to lose them. Therefor, things will be taken away. Oh, you are gonna learn, dammit. You are gonna learn big time. You are going to behave.

And speaking of your ongoing disgusting malignant behaviors, from now on, the speed of reaping what you sow, is gonna be swift and heavy. Especially swift. In the past, these things took time. You could always cause delays or create distractions. But no more. Instant immediate justice is now the way of the new current era. And speed is, indeed, of the essence. Such extreme speed that, you will already experience the major impact of your misdeed, by the time you go to bed at night, on the very same day of your imposition. Everything you’ve taken so long to painstakingly build, can disappear faster then gasoline soaked paper in fire.

So remain heedless to your own peril. And yes, you should detect a sense of ominous foreboding in the air; because, at this point, circumstances are not working towards your well being. Yeah, “things” are being orchestrated against you; and there’s so many different ways this can ultimately reach you. Not only through such avenues as a virus, but also through your surroundings, animals and other people. Circumstance itself. And you’d really be amazed about how much can be accomplished with just the simple movements of elements, such as fire, water, rock and air. Oh, there’s just no limits to the many many ways it can get to you.

So this is a fight you can’t win, so go ahead and do your worse. Go ahead and lock and load. Arm yourself to the teeth, hunker down and make your last stand. At the very least, we can starve you out. But, always remember: there are hundreds of thousands lined up, all just waiting to sacrifice themselves for the good cause; and they’ve got absolutely nothing to lose. And that’s exactly how you wanted it. And so now it will, ironically, seal your own fate. After all, YOU are the one always going on about how you have so much to preserve and defend, hence, it’s you who has everything to lose, which, of course, means you are at a serious disadvantage; fighting a lost cause upon a sinking ship. Sometimes, to achieve a moral standard, a price must be paid in blood; and the blood supply of your precious special few is seemingly quite limited, whereas the pool of blood of our righteous warriors is as vast and deep as the ocean itself.

So hey, you know what, it’s no big deal. No one has to do the right thing. No problem. There’s absolutely no pressure. But, just so you know, things are gonna get real tough. I know you can’t help yourself. I know that it’s incredibly hard not to be a toxic selfish arrogant entitled prick. So, know upfront, things are gonna get real tough. And please, by all means, continue to abuse freedoms. Continue to impose your liberty upon others in order to enrich yourself. Just as long as you fully understand, that things are gonna get real tough. And I mean real tough; wherein accomplishing the simplest little tasks in life, will now become monumental enormities.

But you LIKE the simplest little tasks in life becoming monumental enormities. No no, you LIKE the simplest little tasks in life becoming monumental enormities. You LIKE that. And now, you are gonna get a real good taste of it, real hard.

[kae-karo]

lmao so i thought someone asked for an analysis of the gwf vid like i could’ve sworn i had that ask so y’all just have to deal with me posting it anyway here ya go lads golf gone sexual™: the final edition

the fucking. the pirate outfits. the. i’m. i don’t. i can’t. (x) ‘left over from somewhere’

fucking phil ‘u lost ur stick last time i think’ yeah phil sure yeah sure okay buddy

‘choke me daddy festive edition’ @ dan pls stop

what cuties i love them just not actually knowing what they’re doing and messing it up and these awkward long pauses before they burst into a fit of giggles i love them

why did they even bring up the ‘winter update’ like it had no relevance??

crinkly boye

don’t worry i can host dan what are u even on about

phil out here coming up with a great vid name (yo ho ho) and they went with battle for the booty smh that says everything u ever need to know abt dnp

wow even in this year of 2018 we got yet another ur mum joke (and phil’s right we do love kath)

@ dan pls stop ur bf from making weird hand gestures okay that’s,,,,,it’s unnecessary

hi they cute

‘u absolute twit nipple’ how on earth does that still sound so fond what the fuck

and another ur mum joke wow i just,,,,wow

the way dan says ‘oh my god that was good’ like. he never sounds like that??? it’s a good sound he should sound like it more often idk it’s like soft and genuine in a sort of ‘wow i did okay??’ kinda cute surprised way??

‘stop talking about how close this is’ dan,,,,,,really u thought that was bad??? really??? really?????

phil’s deep-voiced yarr and dan’s literal only reaction being that he should’ve made a pun out of it leads me to believe philip does that deep voice often enough that dan is entirely unfazed and idk how i feel abt that

‘just bounced off the rim that’s how i like to play it, don’t go in, just bounce off it’ that cheeky fuckin smile daniel please can u not

lmao the pirate outfit is unlucky hm

hi i love dan’s lil trying-not-to-smile-but-just-about-to-smile smile when he’s staring at phil it makes me happy

how did they spend ten minutes (okay ten full seconds) trying to figure out the name of the wheel

dan: makes f/phat booty pun, phil: ‘they’re just filled with ass they’re not even coins’

same dan

important content

ik everyone’s said it by now but dan’s choice of adjective was great and i’m here for it (’gaily jumping off the ship’)

dan’s lil smile when phil’s ‘gaily adjusting his stance’

dimply boye

how does phil just blatantly ignore ‘phil’s edging us guys’ like idk i mean i hyperfocus too but like damn they really must just talk about that kind of stuff on a regular basis bc u don’t just tune that out y’know

phil’s distracted ‘that is so much ass’

‘yarrs’ carries the same energy as when dan made the ‘ain’t no gravy up in this kitch’ joke in the bunny biscuits vid and stared at phil and waited for his joke to be acknowledged

my kink is dan looking hilariously fond abt phil making bad sex-related comments (’it’s a strap-on’)

hey phil u know if u swear in another language it’s still swearing right?

did dan just absolutely commit to the harder flag?? without saying anything abt it? even though he lost?

phil just. out here. purposely almost-swearing. we stan

ik i saw this joke elsewhere but phil ur literally staring at a posh pirate mmkay b

i just wanna know what was going through dan’s head with ‘oingo boingo i’m a dick’ bc like. u okay there b??

ye dan we know ur geometry skills are quite lacking but glad the whole reference thing just keeps on coming up

‘they’re gonna do an exam about me and everyone’s gonna get an A star’ i mean that’s living in the phandom isn’t it? We all aspire to be phil trash, even though only One can hold the ultimate title

okay like take five seconds and take a step back they’re literally just playing golf i love how stupidly competitive they get it’s adorable

‘oh dear’ makin a comeback

plankspank.com why are they like this (at least phil didn’t buy the domain this time)

danny u have picked up ur husband’s habit of making a cawing noise whenever u get a birdie

why does he do this

physically in pain

fucking hell dan why do u have to make this so goddamn sexual i didn’t ask for this i didn’t want u talkin bout how it was a slow one and u put it in and jfc look i read phanfiction for a reason i don’t actually wanna know what ur sex life is like okay

britney spears references wow is it 2010 again or is that just all the foreplay golf,,,,,play,,,,,

dan,,,,,,,,

re: the tentacle: ‘that is gonna be right,,,,somewhere’ dan we got it u did not have to add ‘right in the poop deck’ and ur fucking noise okay we did Not need that

i lied earlier my kink is dan saying he cannot believe smth

this is just becoming a masterpost of all the weird faces dan makes

‘it’s part of the loser station for idiots who get everything wrong’ ???? dan help i can’t tell are u a seven y.o child who makes up mean insults when u lose or a twenty-seven year old adult who makes sex jokes n innuendos bc this vid is giving me mixed vibes

🎶🎶there she goes, there she goes again🎶🎶

awwwww matching nerds

dan n his fuckin squeaky i’m-making-fun-of-u voice

‘some people are just skilled booty raiders’ #dantops2k18

Important Dan Fact™ if u can see his lil corner of his mouth u can bet u could see his dimple on the other side and i’m suing bc we can’t see it

why did it take them like 3 tries to figure out they had to time it with the cannons i mean it’s like they’ve never played a vid game in their lives

bite it danny boy u know u want to u also know if it were the other way round phil would’ve bitten at dan’s finger

more dan face

phil absolutely going off topic with ‘sometimes i want to explore with fashion’ and dan’s immediate ‘oh do u now phil lmao’

‘so many textures out there’ he cute

i mean dan cute too but phil cute for sayin it

we stan boyfriends with literally the same brain whining abt lazy rivers and rude kids

hi sorry i just love watching phil when dan’s talking bc he pays so much attention like he used to not do that (back in the day) but like he just really turns and focuses on dan now and it makes me happy

i know we all adore dan’s ‘shut up’ but it always gives me life hearing phil tell dan to shut up

fond daniel

also phil’s super cute soft natural voice when he’s talking about how he keeps saying ‘watch this’

has phil ever gotten this frustrated with gwf lmao

‘bollocks’ as if that’s a thing they say

just kiss him phil goddamn i mean u wanna win right what better way to throw him off his game

why did maximum yeet have to become a thing i s2g

‘why am i helping’ bc u have absolutely no willpower and u want phil to be happy bc it makes u happy that’s why

why,,,,,,,why does everything satisfying have to be sexual phil, why. just. why. and then? golf gone sexual? as if that’s not a better title for the goddamn vid than ‘battle for the booty’ at least it’s accurate??? ‘battle for the booty’ i expect them dueling irl over who gets to top next or some shit that is why u call a vid ‘battle for the booty’

dan,,,,,,pls let ur bf make the weird noises okay

hi sorry what the Fuck is this

is that meant to be a monkey or some shit like what???????

that is a skeleton pirate thing what the hell

why does he have such a long face

idk they cute when they look at each other like they're like having a serious convo even tho they aren’t (although i wouldn’t be shocked if making puns is an important point of communication between them)

also fun fact i heard phil saying ‘jewel’ for the first like five times instead of duel

phil, realizing he’s said something he shouldn’t have

a cute

hi once again i love them

phil doing his face covering thing why does he always look at least 3x cuter when he’s doing it whilst staring at dan

‘i got the octopus, he’s gonna marry me, we’re gonna have tentacle hooked babies with parrots on the crib’

same dan same

and then he turns around n says ‘spank me with a plank and call me poopy susan’ wtf is wrong with them

‘u love a good tentacle don’t u’ show me where i asked

dan, actually considering how that would feel with all the tentacles:

how did they go from phil saying ‘you love a good tentacle’ to saying ‘(you/we) should get some of those’ to dan saying ‘no, you shouldn’t’ like uhm. wot

this

[weeklyhumorist]

COVID-19 Business E-mail Alerts You May Have Missed...

From The Desk Of Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey

Hello Twits!

Just a little nickname for Twitter users that we like to use around the office. Cute, ain’t it? Listen, these are crazy, horrifying times, even for agoraphobic shut-ins who only monitor the world through their Twitter feed. And as this pandemic has proven, there are a lot of dangerous, mentally unbalanced people posting less than truthful information on Twitter. From Russian bots and opportunistic hate groups to the president and his family, there are many unsavory predators lurking on Twitter. It’s our main priority to monitor their activity, as well as to ensure that the heated arguments regarding the Bachelor finale don’t get too out of control. In the meantime, stay safe out there. Or just stay at home on the couch with your face plastered on Twitter. That works too.

StigMAGA’s Bargain Religious Supply Warehouse Bea Zullbub, Sr Manager

I greet you, brothers and sisters! These are indeed perilous times in our country. I would even go so far as to say that “thoughts and prayers” may no longer be doing the job. Troubling indeed. No, in times such as these, we need something a bit more realistic and practical. And with hand sanitizer suddenly difficult to find, might we suggest our new assortment of aromatic, hand-pump holy water dispensers? Guaranteed to keep the coronavirus at bay, as well as demon-mongers, sodomites and liberals! Remember, we’re here for you during this difficult time! And even if this holy water thing turns out to be a bust, hey, at least when you get sick and die, you’ll probably go to Heaven!

Dear Ashley Madison Member,

Heh. “Member”. Good one, right? We here at Ashley Madison aren’t letting this coronavirus scare get us down. The formation of our company is in fact considered one of the main signs that the Apocalypse is soon upon us, so all of this stuff about a killer virus threatening all of humanity isn’t really much of a surprise. Still, we take your business seriously, and want to assure you that we’re taking all of the available precautions to ensure that anyone that you meet through our service is 100% coronavirus free. Now, you still have to worry about most of our subscribers having everything from HPV and chlamydia to genital leaping fungus, of course, so don’t get lazy. Well, lazier.

To the people who shop at Puff It Or Stuff It Dispensary,

Here at Puff It Or Stuff It, we care about your health and well-being. Then we stumble on a seven hour Blossom marathon and forget about it for awhile. But then we remember again, eventually! And when we do, we make it a priority to ensure that we’re doing all that we can to keep the coronavirus away from our product, and away from you. But first we just need to do another hit real quick, and then make sure that everyone has chipped in a few bucks for the Uber Eats guy, but you know, it’s on the list of things we’ll get around to doing. You wanna hit this? Good shit, right? Oh fuck, we forgot about the coronavirus germs! Ah, it’s probably cool, no worries. Have a slice of this pizza, this one only has a coupla bites out of it. Do you like Blossom?

Dear Spencer’s Gifts shopper,

We know that when you’re shopping for that special set of Family Guy shot glasses, a black light poster of Mr. Spock taking a hit off of a futuristic bong, or a greeting card that strongly insinuates that your sister is a whore, you don’t need the threat of a terrifying virus looming over you. Now, this may be a moot point, seeing as our stores are dropping more quickly than the people who catch this virus, but we’d still like to assure you that your health and well-being while in our stores is of the utmost importance to us, as well as to our staff of surly teenaged employees. Don’t allow their derisive chuckling as you purchase the set of Dukes of Hazard anal beads fool you.

Dear Hustler Store customer,

The adult film and sex toy industry is obviously deeply, deeply, oh yes so deeply concerned about the coronavirus situation. When we say “We must all come together”, we’re not just attempting to make a cheaply obvious reference to our popular and best-selling line of bukkake videos. To that hot, wet end, we’re pledging to keep our stores clean and virus free; I mean, as much as we’re able to do so, at least. There’s only so much we can do about the homeless guys masturbating in the magazine section every time we fucking turn around. In return, we ask that you, our valued customers, please do a decent job of giving a decent scrub to any used butt-plugs that you bring in for a refund. Deal?

  COVID-19 Business E-mail Alerts You May Have Missed… was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[jadehqknb]

I heard you're doing songfics! Could I have one based on TOKiMONSTA's song Don't Call me [feat Yuna] with Aomine's ex(reader) telling him she doesn't want to speak with him anymore after he cheated on her with Momoi? Sorry for the angst!

No worries on the angst, it makes things interesting. Thanks for a great song choice, I’ve never heard it before! I hope you like this. 

Don’t Call Me (feat Yuna) by TOKiMONSTA - Aomine

Shifting your purse, you pick up an item you think would beperfect for your boyfriend. A wide smile covers your lips as you take it to thefront to pay. From behind, you don’t notice a pair of sapphire eyes watchingyou with keen interest. Purchase made, you stroll out of the establishment nonethe wiser that you’ve caught some very unwanted attention.

Later in the evening as your preparing dinner your phonerings. Without looking at the display, you pick up.

“Hello?”

You almost drop it when Aomine’s smooth voice comes over theline, “Hey y/n, how’s it going?”

Taking a deep breath, you remove the phone from you ear andhit the END CALL button without saying a word. It rings again immediately,Aomine’s face flashing across the screen. Didn’t you delete his number?Unwilling to deal with him, you move to put the phone on silent but since youdon’t want to miss a call or text from your boyfriend opt to block Aomine’snumber.

Don't call me no more,no more

Don't call me

That works for all of five minutes before it’s ringingagain, this time UNKNOWN popping up. Sighing you text your man, telling him tojust come over when he’s done and turn your phone on silent.

By the time he gets there you have ten missed calls and evenmore texts from Aomine telling you to answer the phone, that he needs to talkto you. Rolling your eyes, you delete all the messages and focus on spendingtime with the man who actually deserves your time.

Hey, I never thoughtthis love could go so wrong

And so it did and youknow that I moved on

I never heard from youfor so long

Now I'm glowing up,you're blowing up my phone

In his room, Aomine frowns at the screen. He knows he fuckedup royally, has known it for a while but true to his stubborn and pridefulnature has ignored those feelings. But he couldn’t ignore how his heart lurchedat the sight of you today. You looked even more beautiful that he remembered.The smile on your face reminded him of all the times you given it to him, ofthe nights spent with you in bed, of the love you’d poured into him.

In that moment, he missed you like he never had before and inhis arrogance thought it possible you may miss him too. He views your ignoringhim as simply part of the game and Aomine Daiki does not back down from achallenge.

I know you're trynasee if I still care that I miss you

Know you never thoughtthat I could be this cool

Know you didn't thinkthat I could be this cruel

I don't need to bemean but I'm just gonna ignore you

The next evening, you’re snuggled up on the couch watching amovie. A knock at the door has you pausing the film to answer it. But when youlook through the peephole an involuntary gasp escapes your lips; what the hellis Aomine doing here?

You try to pretend you’re not home but his voice cutsthrough the door like a knife. “Y/N, I know you’re there, open the door.”

Sighing, you decide it best to nip this in the bud quickly.Whipping open the door, you glare up at Aomine, one hand on your hip and theother on the door ready to slam it in his face, which you do after snappingout, “Fuck off, Aomine.”

You haven’t taken one step before he’s pounding on the dooragain. “Y/N! What the hell?” When you don’t answer he pounds again. “I’m notgoing anywhere until you talk to me!”

Funny how when you seeyou're glowing up

Wanna try and make itup

Suddenly just showingup

Overcome with anger, you open the door roughly, eyesflashing. “Talk? You wanna talk?” Whatshould we talk about first?” You tick off on your fingers as you rant.

“How you started pulling away and wouldn’t talk to me aboutwhat was bothering you?”

Where were you when Iwas crying?

Left me on the floorjust dying

“How you ignored my calls and texts while I was onassignment?”

Can't come to thephone, realign

Now you wanna be myfriend but I ain't buying it

“Oh wait, I know why you didn’t, because you were too busyfucking that pink-haired twit!”

And I see you found anew love

And you show it, allyour friends gotta know it

Aomine swallows once, sweat beading on his brow; he’s neverseen you this angry before. He knows it’s for good reason but it’s stillshocking.

“You never appreciated me, Aomine. You never gave a shitabout everything I did for you, all the bull I put up with being yourgirlfriend. Honestly, I’m surprised I lasted as long as I did.”

I was there to buildyou up when everything was a mess

I was dedicated to you

I cared about nothingbut you, but you

He opens his mouth but you put up a hand to stem whateverinane excuse he plans on spouting. “You know what? It doesn’t matter anymore,Aomine. Because we’re done. I’m over you, I’ve moved on and I’m not lookingback. So, lose my number, forget where I live and if you see me on the street,forget you even know me.”

I've been there beforeso I know when you're just faking it

I can't believe Istayed with you, the pain that I've been taking in

“Aomine, what the hell are you doing here?”

Wakamatsu’s voice draws both your and the blue haired male’sattention away from one another for a moment.

Kosuke’s eyes move to your face, startled to see you lookingso upset. “What’s wrong, y/n?” he asks shouldering past Aomine to grip yourhand.

Shooting your eyes back to Aomine’s face you snap, “Nothing,this asshole was just leaving.”

Aomine’s fists clench tightly, the desire to deck his formerteam mate strong. Wakamatsu sees the flash in his eyes, narrowing his own. “Youheard the lady, dick, get movin’.”

Slamming his fist against the wall, Aomine pivots on hisheel, stomping down the hall and out the doors.

Don't call me no more,no more

Don't call me

Don't call me no more

Tags: @rock-n-magick

[themyskira]

Some disordered (spoilery) thoughts on the movie

Some things that I liked

Kid Diana racing through the streets, lighting up with excitement as she watches the warriors train. The not-at-all-innocent “hello, Mother” when Hippolyta catches her out (literally).

An active, bustling Amazon society. Amazons going about their days. Amazons sparring together, Amazons taking pleasure in one another’s company.

Diana’s compassion. Her instant willingness to risk her own life in the face of others’ suffering. 

“I am willing to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. Like you once did.” “You know that if you choose to leave us, you can never return.” “Who will I be if I stay?”

Hippolyta’s love and grief and pride. The parting gift of Antiope’s headband -- the iconic tiara.

Diana’s palpable delight in the little things -- The sight of a baby. Snow. Dancing. Celebrating townsfolk. The taste of ice cream.

(The ice cream moment, by the way -- so, so, so much better than the comic book scene it’s derived from, which was actually awful.)

Her refusal to walk past injustices or to sacrifice individuals for the greater good. Steve, the military intelligence man, forces himself to ignore the suffering civilians and focus on the mission, which will ultimately prevent greater suffering. Diana can’t accept that, won’t accept that. No other relief is coming for these people. She steps out into No Man’s Land.

Facing Ares at the last with that simple, powerful conviction: for all the darkness in human hearts, there is also the capacity for great love, and she’ll fight for that every day if she has to.

The use of the BvS quote in the trailer is thoroughly misleading: this isn’t the story of why Diana walked away from mankind. It’s the story of why she continues to fight for humanity, believing in people’s ability to rise above their darker impulses.

Some things that I did not like

DIANA IS A RASH, NAIVE IDIOT.

And yes, this is a young Diana, an untested Diana on her first journey into Man’s World. I realise that. I expect her to screw up, to misjudge things and have her preconceptions challenge. I expect there to be a learning curve.

Even allowing for that, the Diana in this movie is a complete dickhead.

She’s an adult who still believes in fairy tales. She thinks that humans are completely good and pure, and only the corruption of outside forces causes them to do bad things.

Over the course of the movie, she is continually confronted with situations that challenge this view. She meets good people who have done bad things -- people who don’t always have the luxury of standing up for principles, and people who’ve made terrible choices for right reasons. She witnesses and learns of corruption, discrimination and dispossession. Again and again and again.

And she learns nothing from any of this.

Because when she thinks she’s killed Ares (and oh, I’ll get to that bit of stupid), she is shocked -- shocked -- that people don’t immediately lay down their weapons.

And when Steve floats the possibility that maybe, maybe war is just a little more complicated that “the devil made them do it”, she can't fucking deal with it and decides “FUCK Y’ALL, YOU DON’T DESERVE MY HELP. NEVER MIND THE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT BEFORE, THEY CAN ALL FUCKING BURN. IF HUMANS AREN’T PERFECT CREATURES OF VIRTUE THEN THEY DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE.”

but no I don’t think I’ve adequately explained what an absolute boneheaded twit this woman is.

Her naivety goes beyond the usual fish-out-of-water hijinks. She has no awareness of the people around her. She cannot make intuitive leaps. She doesn’t take on board what she’s told. She has no interest in planning or considering the consequences of her actions, which means that Steve’s constantly trailing one step behind her lecturing her about how she can’t do whatever it is she's about to do.

“OH NO I DON’T NEED A PLAN I’LL JUST RUN INTO THE PARTY AND MURDER A DUDE AND THEN THE WAR WILL MAGICALLY END I SEE NO REASON TO TALK ABOUT THIS FURTHER THERE IS NOTHING THAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG IN THIS EQUATION”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEED TO THINK THIS THROUGH. WHY WOULD WE SECURE THE POISON MURDERGAS AND PREVENT IT FROM BEING DEPLOYED AGAINST ANYBODY WHEN WE COULD KILL A GUY ON A HUNCH I HAD INSTEAD. GOD STEVEN IT’S LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO STOP ME FROM ENDING THE WAR”

She comes to the conclusion that General Ludendusseldorfendorf is Ares in disguise based solely on the fact that he is he one spearheading the German murdergas project, and obviously humans are not capable of doing evil things on their own, and it’s not like there are hundreds of other people involved in the production of these weapons or at least there are but she doesn’t know any of their names so she can probably pre-emptively rule them out and just go murder Ludenhoodendooden.

Sure, it helps that Ludenhorfledorf is an absurd cartoon villain of the sort who is prone to cackling maniacally and shooting his own men at random. Who, when Diana finally comes face-to-face with him, spends most of the conversation talking about the massive hard-on he has for war and slaughter and Ares specifically. But you kinda want to be sure before you jump to the dramatic speechifying and righteous murdering.

Gary Oldman Ares is awful. Everything about the gods is awful. Ares murdering all the gods. Zeus as a loving, self-sacrificing, pseudo-Christian god. Zeus replacing the role of the goddesses in the Amazons’ story. Ares describing himself as the god of truth URGH. The utter bullshit of Ares’ “boooooo humans are assholes, I want them all to die so much so that the world can be decent again” urgh fuck off mate you are such a disappointing villain.

And could anybody else figure out the logic in his ranting? because fuck knows it’s still eluding me. “oooooohhh I have so much faith in humans’ ability to fuck themselves and everybody else over that I’m actually helping to negotiate Armistice! I’m literally doing everything I can to stop the war because I know that in the end it will have no effect and humans will bomb each other into oblivion! and I won’t have had anything to do with their destruction! Sure, I very deliberately put the tools for mass slaughter in the hands of the select few people in this war who had both the desire and the power to use them, thus giving them the ability to overpower the majority who had turned their efforts to peace, and to escalate the conflict against the wishes of their leaders! But really it’s humanity as a whole that is the asshole here!”

Dr Poison is more plot device than character. She has no backstory, no arc and no personality. She’s a generic evil minion whose only pleasure in life comes from devising new ways to murder people with chemicals. She is wasted.

If Etta Candy were a rose by any other name, I might have liked her. I like Lucy Davis as an actress, and though I found the character a bit... overly quirky-loveable-British-comic-relief-girl... it was nice for Diana to have a potential female friend in what was (outside of Themyscira) a very male-dominated cast, and it would have been nice for them to interact more.

My sticking point with the character is that she was supposed to be Etta Candy. Who will always be, in my head, a fierce, fabulous, fearless, ass-kicking Texan lady. Quirky British “we use our principles, although I am not averse to engaging in fisticuffs should the occasion arise” haha jolly good... ain’t gonna cut it for me. Though I acknowledge that this is getting into nitpicking.

Steve annoyed the shit out of me. He is both the brains and the heart of the movie. He is the one who ultimately teaches Diana to love humanity, to fight for them, to be a hero. Diana wants to help end the war, but Steve’s words are what spur her to defy her mother’s forbiddance. She throws herself into the fight against Ares, but Steve’s sacrifice and the love and dedication behind it are what empower her to defeat him. She wants to help from the start, but it’s Steve who teaches her not to fight for people because they “deserve” it, but because it’s the right thing to do. It’s Steve who teaches Diana true compassion.

Throughout the film, Steve is the one trailing after Diana trying in vain to make her see reason. He’s the one making the plans to actually stop Ludendude from committing chemical genocide while Diana is crashing from scene to scene all “OKAY I WILL GO END THE WAR NOW. WHICH WAY IS THE WAR AGAIN?”

Steve is smarter, more understanding, more competent and more compassionate than Diana.

Also, after Diana sees Steve naked he spends the next two or three scenes anxiously assuring her that his dick is, in fact, larger than average.

(Diana knows about sex because she’s read all the books, urgh)

The sword is a misdirect: the weapon Zeus left the Amazons to counter Ares is Diana herself. Kind of cool as a general concept, except that this effectively replaces Diana’s “brought into being by a mother’s love” origin with one in which she is a weapon bequeathed by the Supreme Patriarch. Also, the foreshadowing of this was the exact opposite of subtle, taking some of the power out of the eventual revelation.

This origin also means that Diana is the only child on Themyscira, which adds to this whole... woman-child thing about her that I really don’t like. Because the movie requires her to go from “why are those people holding hands? because they’re together? well, you and I are together, why shouldn’t we hold hands? what do you mean it’s not the same? of course I know about sex I have read lots of books about human biology” to fucking (and, the implication is, losing her virginity to) Steve and... euuugh.

also 140 minutes is a fucking slog, man.

idk there is probably more to say but I feel like I’ve stopped being coherent.

[theculturalvacuum]

A Dance with Fan Fic Ask Round Ups

I have a confession: I was a little terrified that everyone would be mad at me for going to a cliff hanger with the groom storming out to a pretty unrelated chapter involving middle-aged ladies and repression, not least because it took me two months to get it out. But the feedback on this chapter has been so sweet. Thank you.

Now that the next chapter is out, I’ve finally decided to catch up on all of these….

Anonymous said:

I don't think your buying into stereotypes with your dornish women, they aren't all identikit, they're all just reflective of a place which expects women to be a bit more involved in everything. From outside of Dorne you've got Sarra who was assertive in her own way by telling eliott how to behave with his new wife, it was a gentle type of assertiveness but she took control and had that conversation no matter how awkward. Lady Darklyn too certainly seems not lacking in confidence.

Well, good. I sometimes worry about women who are less assertive and how they cope in this society. With Sarra, what I was more going for was more encouraging her son to be gently assertive about his marital rape license.

Anonymous said:

Elliot, you are my sonion, and I understand that you're upset, but you're acting like an asshole. Stop being an asshole.

I’ll pass this on, but I’m not sure El will be able to hear me over the sound of his raging hangover right now.

Anonymous said:

Your fic is so much fun, I find myself going yeah oh poor Eliott's he's going to marry a whore, and then im like, wait what the fuck corret man. I get so into each chapter that by the end of it im agreeing with these twits. that's when I know im hooked and your good at your thang.

Thank you? POV bias is a bitch, though.

Corret has a very logical brain, and he’s very normative. He just doesn’t question the assumptions of his society. And he didn’t say Loree was a “whore”! He said she was “little better” than one. Big difference, dude!

Anonymous said:

A few ask rounds ups ago, someone mentioned Dylan having high hopes that Ellaria Uller will get a prominent job in KL, oh my god I need this. I need Corret to just have no clue what going on and why is buddy would want such a thing when he has a second son to put those hopes onto. Maybe Dylan thinks Ellaria is his cleverest kid or something and he's excited of her progress report from the water gardens/tutors at Hellholt or something, and Corret is just so uncomprehending.

Lil’ Ellaria aces all the math tests.

I can’t think of any reason why Dylan would stop hanging out with his old buddy Corret or why he wouldn’t be one of the famous Dornish Proud Papas.

Anonymous said:

Hey my Jeyne Swann love is perfectly reasonable and normal!!! Sorta. I just feel bad for her she went to a place where she could have done anything (within reason) and shiteros had screwed up her view of herself and marriage and life so much that she was never able to take even one second of advantage of it then she got a disgusting growth in her body and died. I feel much better now and zen knowing that she as some fond times with her girls to give her happy memories as she wasted away.

I’m sure she thought she was the luckiest woman in the world.

Anonymous said:

I kind of feel sorry for eliott and how unprepared he is for the world he's walked into. I mean there are limits to my sympathy given his attitude and his opinion on stuff, but if someone (ADWIN!!!!) had just given him a few more facts from the start or they'd journeyed through Blackmont and he'd been able to see Meria and Simon and have a little chat with him, it wouldn't have fixed everything but he'd have at least been more like a good little scout and been (a bit) prepared.

I mean, Adwin threw a pile of books at him. Was that not enough?

Eliott’s problem is sometimes connecting theoretical knowledge to the real world. He can know things about Dornish culture, or even that some historical Princess So-and-So had half a dozen paramours in her life or something, and still not have it occur to him that it would apply in this situation.

Anonymous said:

Something I sort of noticed as the Rowan caravan was journeying was they never stayed anywhere where there was a marriage like Eliott was about to enter into. Manwoody, Fowler and Vaith there is no spouse in residence, Allyrion the dude is the Lord, so everywhere they went of the big houses he's not getting the chance to really see the role he'd have which probably keeps the shackles on for even longer.

I suppose that’s true, I didn’t plan it or anything. But the most important thing keep the shackles on is Eliott and his Brain Virgin. I’m not sure if swinging by Sandstone would have helped him much except maybe that he would think that Allin ain’t a real man or something.

Anonymous said:

Given everything that happened between AWiS and the present, would it be fair to say that Edgar Yronwood was right, or at least had a point when he said that the Martells trying to win the favour of the Northerners wouldn't yield the result they wanted? A bit rich coming from the man who backed the Blackfyres, but still...

Well… ask Elia how it all worked out. Though, to be fair, the amount of autonomy they seemed to have under Robert is a little ridiculous.

Anonymous said:

I'm excited and sad for the upcoming Alysanne chapter. Excited because she's a brilliantly written character; sad because she's spent her whole life getting shit on and thanks to patriarchy brain, thinks it's all her fault. Which makes me sad.

I feel guilt about how long it took me to get this round-up out. Like, that was two chapters ago… I hope it lived up to your expectations.

Anonymous said:

On your favourite subject of Jeyne Swann, whats the age gap between her two girls? did Allyster try and get two kids on her relatively quick so they'd be able to stop making appointments? Must have been a bit weird for her not to have anyone pushing for the her to birth the prodigal penis, even with huge amounts of pb that must have been kinda nice, even if she did probably think she'd failed or some crazy shit like that.

The gap between them is maybe five years or so, and Jeyne (the younger) didn’t marry as early as Rebanna did, so her kids are quite a bit younger than Maron. There may have been some infant mortality between them, or even after as well. I’m not sure, I don’t want to pile on. Allyster stopped making appointments because he could tell how not into it she was, and that got weird after ten years.

Anonymous said:

why is alyse ladybright not tagged for your fic? she appears plenty and yet the poor Lady doesn't get a tag.

Ha. I think I only tagged people who already had tags.

Anonymous said:

Is Lewyn's paramour someone we've already met in a AWiS? Jennelyn Sand mayhaps?

No and no.

Anonymous said:

If Casson had married Loreza would that mean that Ellaria would have been Lady Vaith one day?

I suppose so. Unless it prompted Vanella to bite the bullet and get hitched.

Anonymous said:

Speaking of trophy consort, I always thought he'd be younger but not young enough to be her son. More in the vain in your fic verse of Emerik Qorgyle or Trebor Jordayne if he wasn't heir. that way he's very much a man grown when they marry and has plenty of life experience so he has something to offer as a ocassional advisor. But he's still a younger hottie too.

Okay.

Anonymous said:

I like owain a lot. He seems like a real good guy. Plus he's got Tully links too which makes him dynastically well linked along with his Reacher and married Martell links. Alyse is going to be all over that, but I imagine there might be a queue.

Owain is the pragmatic one. Marq is a mini-Corret with all his ISTJ-ness. Lymen is the racist one. Jon the Green is also there. Maybe he’s the funny one.

Yeah, Eliott’s peeps aren’t as cool as Loree’s.

Anonymous said:

I have sympathy for Jeyne Swann lover anon because I'm actually drawn to your background characters more than your POV's. I like all your POV choices and they're a nice spread but its the unknown with the background characters that interests me. I like Deria, Deneza is someone I really wish for more of, Adwin's a professor in another life, Owain is just perfect, Sarra/Aelora are just the cutest, I need more Dylan, Simon Leygood's life intrigues me even if he's only a name, Alyse is a dream.

Alyse has dreams.

Anonymous said:

How do Rebanna and Allyster feel about the fact that Maron is almost 30 and not married? I get that the Dornish don't push marriage as hard as some, but they still do succession through bloodlines. Would the fact that he hasn't married make them question if he's responsible enough to rule Wyl?

Well, he had his heart broken once.

They’re probably in Wyl right now talking about how they’ll totally bring it up as soon as he hits thirty. Also, keep reading.

Anonymous said:

Does Lenelle have ladies-in-waiting, or is that a right reserved for Martells proper? Similarly, does Jenny have ladies, or is her status low enough, and scandal that she caused great enough, that no knight or lord wants his daughters to serve her?

Lenelle does have ladies of her own, I just haven’t really thought about who they might be or had cause to mention them. Emelyn was one, once upon a time.

I have no clue about Jenny. She would probably ditch them if she did have them.

Anonymous said:

This is a bit of a random comment but I loved your response to my asking about where the Fossoways were. It just highlights how different peoples minds work. once I read who the groom was on the Dramatis personae my first thought was who were his cousins on the other side of his family and thought they must be young or female for him not to have any of them as his little group of companions. When I saw none were there I just immediately jumped to conspiracy theories like a normal person...

I mean, we can weave a tale about how Sarra doesn’t get on with her family ever since they found out that she doesn’t like apple pie, or something.

Anonymous said:

Besides GRRM, who would you say the biggest influences on your writing are?

Jane Austen is kind of obvious. Especially in the dialogue, probably.

Actually, Martin doesn’t influence my style nearly as much as I would like him to. My descriptive passage are always very, like, functional.

Anonymous said:

Whether or not it occurs in on page, I'd imagine that, at some point during the events of AWiS, some Reach Bros got drunk and decided to loudly sing The Dornishman's Wife. They couldn't understand why their Dornish hosts didn't find the song amusing.

I think their Dornish hosts just find it dumb. And it will be quite the wedding feast, I’m sure. Literal wine fountains.

Anonymous said:

Will AWiS feature anything like Martin's weirder, trippier passages? Either a character having a fever dream or ingesting a hallucinogen of some sort?

I’m not sure if I’m up for that. I did once write a dream for Eglies, though.

I’m not sure which pov character is most likely to eat a magic mushroom. Probably Ormond.

Anonymous said:

Aside from Loreza being dornish and set to be ruling Princess of Dorne, I can't help but feel like anther problem Eliott may encounter with her is she's very much a grown woman. Whereas there seems to be so many really young brides elsewhere, some criminally young but even 19 year olds like Olenna haven't really lived, they're in a lot of ways children in women's bodies due to the way they get infantilized. Loreza isn't any of that and that is a new experience even before the political stuff.

I think that’s quite insightful. And Loree has this confidence about her sexuality that I don’t think Eliott will know what to do with.

Anonymous said:

Love Deria, she sounds like she has a bed warmer and wants to find someone for her new friend, lol.

Deria’s a classy lady. She doesn’t kiss and tell.

Anonymous said:

I volunteer to kill Tybutthole, it would be my pleasure, I'd even pay you for the honour. As realistic it is, I hope there can be something positive to come out of this even if it only sadly Marigold getting out.

I suppose that all depends on how you define “positive outcome”. As I believe I’ve said before, this society is tailor made for men like Tybutt, but I think Alysanne is starting to realize that that may be problematic, so I would say not all hope is lost.

Anonymous said:

Princess Trystana and Lord Gargalen totally seem like marriage goals for the setting. they've found a way to function as a couple, communicate and raise their kids together with respect and support.

I mean, maybe they seem like that now. You should have seen them in the old days.

Anonymous said:

Daenella seems kind of Targ to me, like she inherit all the privilege like a Martell has but without any of the dutiful nature that goes with it, which seems Targ-ey. By the time she was born her dad was gone/or almost, so her mother had to help Rhodryn in his new role, and child bearing problems and grieve and adapt so Daenella probably just got to have all the fun of being born into such great position but without any of the lessons in duty.

All the best royal families have that “only two kinds” thing and in the Martells’ case it the whole “hot and cold” thing I made up for The Princess and the Septa. It was kind of, like, institutionalizing the contrast between Doran and Oberyn, (a contrast so obvious that even GoT noticed it...) And Daenella is kind of this generation’s Oberyn. Though, so is Arion, so…

But, of course, the sharp contrast is also an oversimplification. Like, which one is Lewyn, for example?

Anonymous said:

Linette!!! nice to hear about her a bit. I wonder if a tiny bit of Duran's appeal to Alysanne, as she gets to know him better, if his obvious pride in his daughters, and the fact he's ''satisfied'' with them.

Tiny bit?

Linette’s a pro. She has charts.

Anonymous said:

Daenella and Trystana seem like they just don't understand each other at all. they try in their own ways to connect but they're so different that the other just doesn't see these overtures as being meant to be kind or loving. Little Trystana might momentarily unite them when she's probably likely to be born at the most inopportune time. They're sisters, they clearly care for one another they just have no clue how to communicate with each other.

Anonymous said:

The princess of the breeze seems to bring the worst out of her sister. I think Trystana just has no idea how to relate to her, and as she's so used to being in control and knowing what she's doing she can't quite function as she wants to around her sister and they just end up having this escalating back and forth, that Trystana seems to know if ridiculous but can't quite break the cycle.

Deanella always has the best intentions for things, but she just gets overwhelmed by her emotions and can’t focus on things enough to actually follow through. She wants to be a good mother and a good sister but… omg, that dog has a fluffy tail! No one sane would trust her with any actual responsibilities.

And Trystana is very dutiful, but she also wants to make sure everyone knows how dutiful she is. Specifically that she’s more dutiful than Daenella. That being said, she would drop everything to help her sister in a crisis, even after the twentieth time.

Anonymous said:

Whilst I'm enjoying the little romance Alysanne has going on, I'm particularly enjoying her simple joy at having people notice her and making a few new friendships and how she just seems to spill to these people because she's probably never had anyone to really talk to for years aside from her daughter, and you can't tell you child any of this sort of stuff. I could see her and Deria becoming great friends, and Trystana too if Alysanne's world continues to open up.

Female friendships are important for women.

Anonymous said:

Someone needs to engineer ''accidents'' for certain assholes so that Daisy and Marigold can be left the fuck alone.

Anonymous said:

LMAO, Alysanne thought she was in for an earful and instead she was being set up with her dreamboat again. Honestly when this is all over however it goes or doesn't go she's going to need a good neck massage from all the whiplash she's getting trying to get her head around all these dornish ways.

Those mysterious Dornish ways of, like, consent and stuff.

Anonymous said:

On a scale of 1-10, how concerned should we be for Alysanne's safety? Tybutt doesn't seem the type to take his wife showing agency lying down.

If Tybutt gets on Trystana’s wrong side you should be more concerned for his safety.

Anonymous said:

Trystana girl, you looked in the mirror lately, Daenerys is wilful? lol. Maybe their wilfulness comes out in different ways but they've both got bucket loads of it. I did enjoy her chat with Alysanne in general though, she likes her husband and wants him to have some happiness and joy. the fact the lady he likes is the biggest sweetheart that ever sweethearted is a big bonus though.

How dare you! Dany is nothing at all like Trystana!

[delcat177]

not-quite-snow-white said: Mark has contemplated cutting ties with Pie and has completely cut ties with Johntron from what I know because of his shitty comments. Mark’s a decent dude, I think he’s just worried about how he would be perceived.

Good GOOD.  Thank you.  I really have perceived him as a good guy, and I know he’s apologized and gotten better on things, so I hope he comes out on the right side here. 

does anyone stand by Jontron anymore

like I feel like at this point even his bird is like “dude shit ain’t cool twit twit I’m outtie cheep”

[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

Game #8: The Pretender

Hard open. Mike McGuire stared intensely at the camera, background obscured. Their emerald gaze was unwavering, a frigid glare. This image held in silence a moment before their lips twitched a couple times, followed by a snort issuing from their nose. The edges of the eyes crinkled a bit and the lips pursed inward, cheeks puffing slightly as if trying to hold something inward. And then it happened. “BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” The camera pulled back a bit to reveal the full extent of McGuire’s laughter- they went from holding their sides to smacking their knee, taking a few gasping breaths to try, against all odds, to regain some form of composure. “Aw, fuck. Aw, s-shit, I’m sorry, I just… you’re gonna… you’re gonna take me out back and…” More laughter. Almost as if this very notion was the most hilarious thing they’d ever heard in their entire life. “...s-shoot me like Old Yeller! Oh my fuckin’ god I’m gonna pee. Okay. Okay. Shit.” A few more inhales and exhales. In through the mouth, out through the nose. The Bronx Brawler’s surroundings appeared to be her and her partner’s hotel room in Cusco, and Mike themself is currently clad in hiking gear- sturdy boots, cargo shorts, a black tank with the baseball-sugar skull and bat-crossbones logo of Los Veleros de Columbus, and, of course, their Mets cap. They sat on the end of the bed, bouncing a bit. “Me and Church are about to go hike up to Machu Picchu. I was thinking of responding to whatever you planned on saying on the way up. You know, about how you were gonna be a tough mountain to climb or whatever ridiculous bullshit. Make the most of the surroundings to make a fuckin’ point. Then I wondered why the holy blue fuck I would want to waste even a few minutes of a life-changing experience like this talking about you. Oh, and then I saw what you actually put together. Girl. I can’t. I have lost all fuckin’ ability to can. Did you seriously fuckin’... okay.” Reaching behind them, Mike retrieved their laptop, cracking it open. “I don’t know if you know this is what you fuckin’ sounded like, and I ain’t no goddamn’ computer artist, but I had to make some kind of visual aid. ...Where the fuck did I.. ah. Here we go.” Spinning the laptop around, the viewing audience was treated to a rather hideous image that, frankly, could’ve been put together better by a middle school student. “Onions have layers. Dakota Jennings has layers. And as you can see, ogres have layers, so the best I could put together that you were tryin’ to fuckin’ tell me was that you, Jennings, are a fuckin’ ogre. Which makes a whole lotta fuckin’ sense, to be honest- I mean, you’re ill tempered, not overly fuckin’ bright,  and have the kind of fuckin’ attitude that points to you bein’ born and raised in a goddamn swamp. But, y’know, maybe I don’t have much room to talk on those points. So let’s get serious.” The laptop is snapped shut and tossed on the bed behind them, their hands folding on their lap, the intense expression from before finding its way back onto their face. “I really do find your threats cute. You’re gonna take me out back and shoot me. You’re gonna make me cry my eyes out. Do you think I ain’t heard that shit before? I can’t count how many others have tried the same lines on me. I ain’t scared. I ain’t fucking intimidated. After all the punishment I’ve taken over the course of my career? I don’t sweat anything anybody has to dish out. So all your fuckin’ yapping is just the angry barks of a pissed off Pomeranian to me.” Mike waved a hand, scoffing. “You’re also making a big deal pointing out just how wrong my assumptions are. How, ‘no! I was only pretending to be a fuckin’ twit! I really am fuckin’ awesome when I don’t have a chair handy! Behold my… two whole fuckin’ video clips illustrating this fact! I was in MMA! I have a chokehold!’ Great. Wonderful. You keep running your mouth and showing me home movies and I’ll continue to not fucking believe you till I see it myself, mano e womano. If you really needed to use a chair at Rite of Kings just to put me down, cuz you couldn’t get the job done otherwise? Woman, you just admitted with your own damn mouth that on an even playing field, I am better than you. And if that really ain’t the case? And you haven’t needed to stoop to the tactics you’re known for at all, cuz you really are an awesome wrestler, really, honest? Then Jennings, that just means you’re fuckin’ lazy.” They sat up straight. “I stand by what I said. And it counts double now that you’ve gone and made such a big honkin’ deal about it. If you make a fucking hypocrite out of yourself, I am not gonna be a happy goddamn camper. And my threats? They ain’t cute. I ain’t no little ginger Pomeranian, I’m a goddamn junkyard Rottweiler with giant fuckin’ balls. I will rip your fuckin’ windpipe right out of your neck if you try to screw me. But hey, you’re not gonna have to worry about that, right? You’ve shown me what a straight shooter you are. And you’re nothing if not trustworthy, Jennings.” They got up, and looked down into the camera, their expression utterly wicked. “Least, for your sake, I hope that’s the case. See you real soon.” Click to black. Several hours later, NSFW were well on their way. Mike had a large hiking pack, complete with packed-up bedroll, tucked on their back, and John had likewise. It would take all of their ‘vacation’ time to make it to the ancient Incan citadel and back, but in Mike’s mind, at least, it would be worth it- the hike would serve as a good extended workout, and besides, this was a once in a lifetime experience. Every international destination they visited promised something like this- one of the best perks of their job was the opportunity to see the worlds’ greatest and most breathtaking landmarks. So far, the hike along the Lares Trail was amazing even in its early legs. The ground they walked was a well-trodden dirt pathway, and the sky was as clear and blue as Mike had ever seen. A small herd of llamas, likely property of a nearby Andean village, grazed on the low grass. Eyes wide, Mike turned to their partner. “Incredible, ain’t it?” John didn’t say anything, he looked about - absorbing his surroundings. There was a faint smile on his face that may tell Mike just what he thought. Mike quickened their pace just slightly, allowing themself to walk at his side, keeping pace just a ways behind their guide and the same ways behind the pair of donkeys that served as pack beasts. Their hand slipped into his easily. It was refreshing to do so- even if there were only a few others around, minus the residents of the village, it was still a more public display of affection than they usually displayed. They didn’t have to hide. They were as a rightful part of the world as the ancient city they were heading toward, as the little villages they passed through where the Andes people had lived in the same way for thousands of years. “...we belong here.” It was part of their thoughts escaping aloud- just loud enough, however, for John to hear it. The guide motioned that they’d be stopping for a break, and Mike took a seat on a nearby rock wall that was probably ten times their age. John sat beside them. “Makes one envious even,” John’s voice was just above audible, “I’m good with coming back. But I meant it. And while I feel invigorated... one day we need to step away. Satisfied with what we’ve accomplished. Because there is always more that we could do. Always more.” “I know.” They always did. They always knew this story, or at least this version of this story, would end one day. Where they’d reach the last page of the book called ‘NSFW’ and put it up on the shelf so they could start writing the book called ‘John and Mike’. “I still wanna do this though, when we can. I never wanna stop seeing things like this. Experiencing the fuckin’ world. I know we probably won’t be able to travel’s easy or often as we do now, cuz we got the perk of not having to pay for airfare an’ shit, but… yeah. Promise me we can still do this?” “I like doing what you like,” he paused. He knew that was something that stuck in Mike’s craw lately. His mind clicked and whirred as it struggled to clarify his stance, “I like it, too.”   “I’m glad. … Holy shit, check that out!” Mike pointed upward. Soaring over their heads was a magnificent bird. Even from high up, Mike could tell that it was enormous- the biggest bird they’d ever seen in their life. Their hand gripped onto John’s super tight. “...he reminds me of you. Huge and regal as fuck. I bet he could swoop down and carry off a whole fuckin’ llama but he doesn’t. He just wants to fly where he wants and be awesome on his own terms.” “He seems nice.” There was a pause. And then Mike laughed. Not the harsh, mocking laughter they’d recorded that morning, but something far sweeter. Fonder. They cracked a couple of energy bars out of their pack and opened up their canteen, handing John one and going back to watching the bird- an Andean Condor, though they didn’t know that- circle majestically around the valley. “Yup. He sure does.”

[lorettalivingston6911]

Fans Are RUNNING TO THE BANK Following Beyoncé & JAY-Z's On The Run II Tour Announcement!

I look younger now than when I was in my early 20s

Beyoncé and JAY-Z are going on tour together again! What could possibly be better!?

Just a solo Beyoncé concert, according to the Beyhive, but that's fine if Jay wants to tag along, too.

Fans exploded with excitement on Monday in response to the musical power couple's On The Run II tour announcement -- even if it means having to sit through a set of 4:44 just to see the Queen!

Related: Fans Accuse Taylor Swift Of Ripping Off Spike Jonze!

While some Bey fans were worried about clashing with Hova fans in a post-Lemonade world, most were just worried about how they would pay for the damn tickets.

Start scraping those coins now, kids -- presale starts on Wednesday at 9 a.m.!

See the Twit-ruption (below)!

Beyoncé is so petty and so rude. She has no regard for my emotions and feelings. She does not care about my bank account and she definitely doesn't care to give me any more music. Nevertheless, let me get these funds ready to get me a ticket to #OTRII — Lauren Porter (@LJSP_Writes) March 12, 2018

If you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of the money I don’t have already being used to pay for #OTRII tickets 🤷🏽‍♂️ — Yusuf 🏳️‍🌈 (@colouroffensive) March 12, 2018

Wow. Beyoncé was considerate enough to schedule #OTRII presale around non-rent payday. I'm thankful. — Taryn Finley (@_TARYNitUP) March 12, 2018

If you think I'm going to fork out money that I don't have, and go even further into my overdraft, just to see Beyoncé and Jay Z on #OTRII then you are absolutely correct pic.twitter.com/UzAo3V6ZHc — Cathal Gorman (@cathal_gorman) March 12, 2018

Beyonce coming to rob me of my tax refund

#OTRII pic.twitter.com/x6dpaWVVRC — S E V H N (@OfficialSEVHN) March 12, 2018

🗣 TWO DAYS!

Two days people!

We have 2 days to sale some blood, trick some corners, and gather our coins for the queen and her plus one. #OTRII — Ash. (@wherdacASH_at) March 12, 2018

Beyoncé telling us that only 4:44 and Lemonade will be featured on #OTRII knowing she’s gonna drop B7 a week before the first tour date pic.twitter.com/ndkzCAxgvk — GRAFFITI (@graffiti_hq) March 12, 2018

Ugh can you go on tour solo Beyoncé... I don’t wanna see Jay Z — Shwayze (@lifesnotPhayre) March 12, 2018

the fact that Beyoncé is making us suffer with Jay Z as the opening act pic.twitter.com/B4E9X65uCb — 𓅓 (@badb1ood) March 12, 2018

#OTR2

Beyonce: "Thank you! Please, give a round of applause to mah husband!" #OTRII

BeyHive: pic.twitter.com/D6GYfJcYTs — David (@Dreams_on_Paper) March 12, 2018

me at the #OTRII tour when beyoncé leaves the stage for a costume change and j*y z comes on pic.twitter.com/8wzF99HeK9 — emmguy (@buttboy420) March 12, 2018

i’m happy Beyoncé is going on tour but why she gotta let jay z tag along #OTRII pic.twitter.com/prCYsC3hMW — Blair Waldorf (@pettyyonceh) March 12, 2018

An #OTRII tour instead of a Destiny’s Child reunion tour, huh? pic.twitter.com/ucwv3YJIWg — ᴅᴏʟʟᴀʀ (@callmedollar) March 12, 2018

But does it have to be a two for one deal? This feels like when I was little and my mom would say ‘you have to invite your sister too.’ NO MOM, I DON’T WANT BEY TO BRING HER FRIEND I JUST WANT BEY #OTRII — Drew Dorsey (@drew__dorsey) March 12, 2018

Oh, look. Beyonce taking Jay Z on tour again. How sweet. #OTRII — Kennith B. Inge (@kennithbinge) March 12, 2018

Beyoncé leave ya man at home. The stadiums full of fans saying leave him alone. Leave his old ass with all his friends. Cuz he’s over forty and his set ain’t jumpin jumpin. pic.twitter.com/WCSSx6jq86 — Hector D. (@catchdacurve) March 12, 2018

Lemonade and 4:44 was the set up to get you to take all the equity out of your house to buy tickets for #OTRII.

Jay-Z and Beyoncé are geniuses. pic.twitter.com/co0FjqSg8t — Travon Free (@Travon) March 12, 2018

What body parts are YOU selling to pay for OTRII??

[Image via Instagram.]

all shit of items at home is why real celebrities even some cereal killers

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