#✘ what a stupid lamb / i. swan

[pivotalmark]

❛ i'm . . . bella. i don't think we got formally introduced before you just ----- disappeared. you're @roshale , right ? i , ah . . . sorry , i know it must suck to have to share a desk you thought you had to yourself ----- do you mind if i check that . . . ? ❜ her fingers clasp around the ends of her sleeves before she slides the microscope over to her side of the table. she only takes a few seconds to check the slide before a half attempted smile curves her lips up to one side. ❛ prophase. ❜

[chuuyrr]

𝐢. 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋, 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄 ‧₊ .ᐟ

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𓂃 ࣪˖ ִ 𓆩 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄 ‧₊ 𓆪 fallen angel! dazai osamu , f! angel! reader . . .

𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ i can fix him (no really i can)

𝐂𝐖(𝐬) ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ angels! au, religious themes: inspired by éloa (1824), a poem about a f! angel falling for a "stranger", which is also inspired by the hades and persephone myth. submission to @kentopedia's event !

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ sfw. in which he sought to reclaim his lost light, and like a moth to a flame, he found it in you, an angel of light

in the tapestry of stories you've heard high and low, dazai osamu's name profoundly echoed in the heavens, tarnished by fame. you've heard it time and time again, like a broken record from the moment you were given life from the tears of the god above.

he was whispered to be akin to the devil himself, once counted among the highest-ranking angels who succumbed to the depths of disgrace.

so profound was his descent from grace that even the mere mention of his name invoked a shiver of fear. branded as fallen, unworthy, and a symbol of shame, his very existence became a testament to the consequences of betrayal in heaven.

and you were such a curious little creature of the cursed tale, almost like an innocent lamb to a wolf, as they say. however, even as an angel from above, you contemplated the prospect of getting condemned and branded unfit. the so-cursed fallen may have made mistakes, but you still stuck to this very principle.

is not everyone deserving of grace? a second chance at forgiveness? those questions plagued your heart and soul, feeling you with a sense of trepidation that you had struggled to shake, yet you somehow longed for it. how strange.

you delved to question the morality and rationale of it, therefore you were warned not to seek what is unlawful or even question the greatest order among the heavenly creatures you all are, or you would be labeled the same as the devil, dazai osamu, the fallen angel.

not only were you a curious thing, but you were also frequently admonished, such as not flying too low on the ground or you would no longer be able to stay above, but you dismissed it as a stupid scolding.

besides, how could you not? the earth was as lovely as the sky above. every corner was a breath of life, born of a miracle, just like you.

so, you descended from heaven, disregarding the warnings of your fellow angels and higher-ups, and found yourself floating across the line that connects the sky and land, your white feathery wings flapping and gliding along the breeze of the air.

unbeknownst to you, a pair of enigmatic eyes somewhere from the shadows was.. watching you—your every move.

you were like a delicate swan, far from the coast, giving its white wing to the passing waves of the ocean sky.

their gaze was solely affixed on the purity of your smile, the way your [color] eyes shone with light, and the way your danced in the skies with your wings akin to a dove's as if it was your ballroom, and those same eyes easily recognized you as one of the angels from heaven, and you were undoubtedly a pure soul.

and this light you had, your very purity, it was tempting those eyes, like a moth to a flame.

instead of avoiding temptation, he welcomed it with open arms, gazed wistfully at you from a distance. the urge was strong. just seeing you for the first time elicited a wide range of feelings in him. he wants your luminescence.

he wanted you, and he will get what he wants.

he purposely comes into your view, making sure to catch your attention, and it doesn't take long. no one could resist him anyways. not even a pure soul like you, even if you were not one of those mortal women that loves him so much so, they were the reason why they talk in their sleep.

your gaze catches sight of a young man, who is undoubtedly beautiful, and the feel is too celestial to be real. his eyes sparkle almost like dazzling diamonds in the night like stars, and his skin is so beautiful that he could be mistaken for an angel like you.. or perhaps he was?

"my, my," his voice was sweet as honey, and rich and deep as it is he spoke to you with a smile hoping to tug on your heartstrings, "where did you come from, beautiful archangel?"

"you came down from heaven and sent me lightning, but you are so beautiful in my eyes that i don't know why. you, too, have come from above, beautiful angel, to confront me? what an honor," he continues to sweet-talk you while admiring your figure, taking in your delicate features up close, from your eyelids and cheekbones to your torso, which was cradled by a white garment that suited your purity.

the first pale glimmer of twilight bled into the horizon, your wings arching gracefully behind you as the golden light of the setting sun bathed you and the man in a warm glow. the following words he uttered next sent a shiver down your spine as he approaches you closer.

"and who you might be?" you ask softly, a small quiet giggle escaping your lips that makes his smile grow wider as he shakes his head at the sides at your innocent question.

"i am the one we love and don’t know," he says, his voice wrapping around you like a silken thread, his eyes gleaming with a hidden fire, "on man, i have founded my empire of flame, in the desires of the heart, in the dreams of the soul, in the bonds of bodies, mysterious attractions, in the treasures of the blood, in the looks of the eyes."

you feel your wings twitch, your controlled elegance slipping for a minute. you clenched your hands into closed fists, attempting to steady yourself against the draw of his words as he moved closer, and closer, his presence entrancing you.

"i make wives speak in their dreams, learn happy lies. i give them nights which console days.. so you can say, i am the secret king of secret loves, dear angel," his gaze bore into yours, unyielding and magnetic, piercing your very soul as a light blush colored your cheeks, and you lowered your gaze, "i am no man with ill intentions, i am but a comforter.."

"i give to the earth the pleasure of the evenings and the goods of the mystery," his voice softened, almost tender as he saw the expression on your face.

the sun starts to set, and as darkness fell over the soil you walked on, you felt the shadows come alive around you, and when the final rays of sunlight vanished, your surroundings changed.

countless spirits appeared from the growing shadows of the trees. the night seemed to vibrate with an unusual energy, scented dew began to drop on the orange trees, lilac, and thyme, and he held his arms wide to encompass the entire scenery before you.

you stared in a daze as a nightingale rose towards the now-starry sky, its song heralding the young man's beloved hour. every creature and flower appeared to come alive in response to his presence. your breath caught as voices whispered among the trees, their words melting into the night's music, and it filled the air, with trees and bushes adding to the midnight chorus.

you couldn't help but tremble slightly at the change of surroundings, the aura now present in the air in his midst. your wings folding tightly behind your back as you look up at him.

he stepped closer once more over to your frame, his dark enigmatic yet sharp eyes never leaving your face as he speaks in a soothing whisper that caressed your very soul.

"do not fret me. i understand it completely, it is natural to be drawn to the unknown, to the mysteries that lie beyond the daylight's reach. you are not alone in this curiosity. many before you have felt this same pull, this same longing." he coos in a coaxing, gentle tone.

"you've always been a curious little thing, hmm? well, it's the same for me, dear," he chuckles softly, comforting you, as if he knows you, which he does. he is quite familiar with you.

"i, too, am curious. i, too, question what is unlawful or even ponder about the greatest order among the heavenly creatures like you. perhaps that way, we too, share a similar nature in that sense?" he says, causing you to shiver, the warmth and blush on your cheeks deepening as he reaches out to cup your face in his palm.

he leans in closer, his face hovering near yours, not quite touching but close enough for you to feel his warmth, his hot breath, trickling your skin, "angels like you, like us, have always been meant for purity, for light."

"wait, what are you saying?" you sputter out softly in disbelief. his name was oddly similiar, familiar, as he takes his other hand, now fully cupping your face so delicately in his palms, holding you as if he has the world in his own very hands.

"what i'm saying is that even the purest light casts a shadow," he gently squeezes your face, his eyes drawing down to your innocent yet curious, baffled gaze, and plump lips, "it is what the higher angels above us are so afraid of, hence they brand the curious unfit and unworthy of grace. they deny the parts of themselves that are curious, that yearn for something more, but it is not a sin to feel, [name]. in fact, it is what makes existence so beautifully complex."

"and that's why they labeled the fallen angel before as such?" you whisper softly, your gaze faltering.

"you are strong, [name], and oh so loving, i can see it clear as the day," he says softly, his voice like velvet, adding more fire to the flame of your inner conflict, "but even the strongest hearts can be softened. i do not seek to destroy you, or lead you astray, but to show you the beauty that lies in the shadows, the wonders that the night holds, the very same one that you have heard of dared to step upon of."

he presses his forehead against your own before he leans into your ear, whispering like the snake that tempted eve to take the forbidden fruit, "i offer a reprieve, a moment of solace. take my hand, dear, and step into the night and discover its secrets. i know you wish to seek out the same thing that condemned your fellow angel."

with quivering palms, you gently raised your gaze to meet his. your heart pounded in your chest, echoing the internal conflict you were fighting.

his dark eyes were gentle and welcoming, promising understanding and comfort, reminiscent of the fallen angel you've heard of over and over back in heaven.

"how do you know all of this? just, who are you?" you stammer out softly. your resolve was weakeneing, and for a brief moment, you were on the verge of giving in, letting go of your fears and entering the unknown, the same unknown into which the previous fallen angel had descended from grace to.

"i go by many names, but call me shuji.. at least for now," he chuckles, seeing the conflict in your eyes, reminding him of the power of his words, the allure of his presence, and he knew that, eventually, even the strongest of hearts, the purest of pure, could be coaxed into the embrace of the night.

you furrow your brows, and you can't help but feel such tension as your wings twitched. you wanted to resist. this seems all too much, all for someone you just met. it was never too late to draw yourself from the temptation that 'shuji' presents, but he was right. you have always been a curious little thing. you longed to know. you longed the offer.

"i don't know, i don't think.." you say softly, fidgeting your fingers as you look down at your feet. the night air hung heavy with the darkness of the starry sky pressing in with a strange tangible weight.

"aww, it's alright. you don't have to decide anything right now, sweetheart," he murmurs, his tone of voice a soothing balm to your conflicted emotions, "it's natural to feel hesitant to delve deep into the unknown.. i should know."

you look up at him, your eyes meeting his for a brief second before pulling away, the intensity of his gaze too much to take. he reaches a hand, not to touch, but to give, a sign of silent understanding of your turmoil.

"would you like some company instead?" he asks gently, his words wrapping around you like a warm embrace, "you don't have to agree to anything beyond that. how about it?"

such a strange man, but persistent. your fingers halting their anxious dance at the prospect of companionship. however, a part of you remains apprehensive, aware of the perils of his charm and the tempting draw of his words.

seeing your hesitancy, 'shuji' softens his gaze even more, his face one of genuine concern. "it's just for now."

and he promises you with a smile that masks a hidden intention, "no commitments, no decisions. just two souls sharing a moment in the quiet of the night. we can talk, or sit in silence, whatever brings you peace, sweetheart."

a part of you yearns for the peace his presence appears to offer, the comfort of another's company in the middle of your turmoil. you lift your gaze to meet his again, looking for any hint of deception, any trace of the manipulative charm you fear.

but all you see is patience, an invitation without pressure, a promise of understanding with no strings attached. you take a deep breath, feeling the weight of your uncertainty lift just a little.

"okay, but just for a short while.." you say quietly, barely audible.

thus, his smile widens at your acceptance, and for a brief moment, his little facade almost crumbles at the thought of effectively persuading you. just a little more, he thinks to himself. it was only a matter of time before he received what he desired from you.

after all, he was already drawn to you.

he extends his hand to you. you stare at his hand for a moment before placing your hand in his, sensing the warmth of his touch. you stroll in silence, the route lit by the faint glow of starlight and the distant sounds of night birds.

when you follow him, the land surrounding slowly vanishes that hums with a distinct eerie force. he pauses and returns your gaze with a comforting smile, "trust me," he adds quietly, his eyes showing a mix of eagerness and affection.

taking a deep breath, you nod and allow him to lead you, and before you know it, the world swirls around you, but when the swirling light fades, you find yourself standing on the outskirts of a peaceful, terrestrial scene.

the air is crisp and fresh, with a subtle aroma of budding flowers and earthy tones from a neighboring forest. the sky above is a deep, velvety blue, speckled with stars that appear close enough to touch, and a leisurely river flows through the landscape, its surface like a plethora of small diamonds in the moonlight.

he walks you to a grassy knoll that overlooks the river. the ground beneath your feet is soft and welcoming, making it the ideal place to relax and enjoy the scenery.

he sits down and motions for you to join him. as you lower yourself to the ground, a sense of calm comes over you.

"this place," he says, "is a hidden gem on earth. far from the heavens, yet it holds its own kind of magic.”

you gaze around, taking in the soft sway of the trees, the rhythmic murmur of the river, and the peaceful symphony of the night creatures. it's a spot that feels both unspoiled and ageless, a haven where the stresses of the world appear to fade away.

you close your eyes and let the sounds of nature wash over you. the subtle rustle of leaves, the sweet crooning of faraway night birds, and the flow of the river all combine to form a lovely lullaby, and you sense his presence beside you as a steady, comforting anchor.

after a while, you open your eyes to look at him. "this place is beautiful. every bit of this just reminds me of how lovely the earth may be, just as it is above."

he grins at your naive yet honest comments as you continue to speak, "i can't help but wonder, your majesty," you say now, giggling now as you are more relaxed, as you address him as such since he names himself the king of secret loves.

"wonder about what? what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours?" he muses you.

"you seem to know a lot of things. you even know about fallen angels.." you mutter quietly now, recalling his words earlier, his offer to you, "but i suppose it's only natural. you do call yourself a king of secret loves, and a king does know a lot, for a king carries both a crown and a burden after all."

you fiddle with the hem of the white dress hugging your body as you look at him, asking him the very same thing you question in regards to the gods and celestials above, "but do tell me, shuji. is not everyone deserving of grace? a second chance at forgiveness?"

'shuji's' gaze darkens for a brief moment as he contemplates your thoughts. he shifts slightly, turning to face you more directly, his stare incisive but compassionate. he bites his lip for a brief moment before he speaks his truth.

he says slowly, as if weighing his words carefully, "forgiveness, it is a complex thing. it's not just something that can be given or taken; it has to be earned, understood, and sometimes even fought for."

he pauses, gazing up at the starlit, night sky, as if he was looking for answers in the distant lights just like you, "i have seen those who have fallen, who have made mistakes, and who have sought redemption.. so if you ask me, my dear, the path to forgiveness is not always certain."

your eyes widen at his words, every word hitting a deep part of your heart. you lean in closer to him, your interest peaked as you can't help but question him," do you speak from experience? have you ever known someone who has walked that path?"

a shadow covers his face, momentarily yet noticeable. he returns his smile to you, albeit with a trace of melancholy, "hmm, perhaps you can say that? hah, we all have secrets and burdens to bear.."

"one thing is certain though," he says, reaching out to you once more, his fingers brushing against yours, "we are all searching for our own paths to grace. after all, we all long for grace. do we not?"

"that's true," you nod slowly at his words, finding solace in them.

however, his fingers tighten around yours, his voice tinged with longingness, "but sometimes, it is not all we long for. sometimes, we all long for something else.."

your eyes widen once more as you lock eyes with him, seeing an intensity of emotions in them, a depth you've never seen before in those brown eyes of his.

he pulls you closer to him, his touch firm yet gentle as if he was handling such a delicate flower, afraid to let it go or wither away. your body presses against his, and he feels warm.

"stay the night with me, pretty archangel," he whispers to you in such a way that sends a shiver down your spine, "just for tonight."

you feel your heart race, the closeness of his body against yours was making you acutely aware of every sensation. the warmth of his hand and breath mingling with the night air, and the longing in his eyes, a silent plea that tugs something within you.

"but, why?" you ask softly, blinking in confusion.

"because i long for you, dear," there it was again, the seduction in his voice, the honeyed tone he used on you before when he made you an offer, and this time it was filled with naked honesty.

you experience a plethora of emotions within you, including dread, exhilaration, and.. a strange yet evident attraction to him, but you hesitate nonetheless at this second, other offer he asks of you.

he reaches up, gently brushing a strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear as he reassures you, luring you in secret, "come on, sweetheart. just for tonight. i won't keep you for too long.."

there was a deep yearning in his eyes that mirrors your own, and this time you were unable to turn away from the temptation this offer unlike earlier. slowly, you nod your head, allowing yourself to lean into the moment, into him.

"okay, just for tonight.." you mutter softly, finally giving in.

he pulls you in closer, almost wrapping his arm over you, almost too possessively, and the next thing you know, he's guiding you somewhere more private, away from the outside world.

he walks you to a much darker, almost secluded path. it was as if the scenery was shifting again into something else again. the stars above appear to dim, their light absorbed by the dense canopy of trees.

the air becomes cooler, and a sense of gloom permeates the night's peacefulness. eventually, you come across a concealed cabin, its shadowy silhouette just apparent in the darkness.

he opens the door for you, his movements deliberate and controlled, and ushers you inside, almost desperately.

the room is dimly illuminated, with the flickering fire creating long, dancing shadows on the walls. he leads you to a massive, imposing bed, with dark sheets and heavy blankets that nearly swallow you whole. you sit down, feeling the smooth, enveloping fabric under you, as 'shuji' stands nearby, his presence looming and intense.

you look around, the shadows appearing to close in around you. there's an inescapable intimacy here, a refuge from the world but also a trap from which there's no way out.

and he looks at you with triumphant eyes, as if he has finally found what he has been looking for.

he reaches out, his grip solid, and grabs your hand in his, "you have no idea just how glad i am to have you here."

his voice was possessive as he looks at you with the same longing from earlier, "having you right where i want you... it's what i long for."

you look at him with a mix of fear and excitement in your eyes. the moment has an electric intensity to it, as if it were a dream on the verge of becoming a nightmare.

the look in his intensifies as he leans into you, his warm breath up against your skin. without warning, he suddenly pulls you down onto the bed with him in one swift moment that you barely had time to react as your wings twitch and flap in surprise behind you.

he grips you tightly with the same possessiveness as you feel his body press against yours, and this time the look in his eyes was almost predatory. he stares down your delicate face, from your [color] eyes to your form, just as he had when he first lay eyes on you, this time relishing the moment even more because he was so close to you.

his fingers trace goosebumps on your arm as the air between you and him now cackles with an unspoken tension, with an unbearable anticipation, especially for him.

and so, with a sudden decisive movement, he tilts your chin up to him and he presses his lips against yours, and it was a fierce and possessive kiss that leaves you breathless, yet breathlessly wanting more.

the outside world fades away as he claims your lips, leaving you with the mere sensation of his lips and body pressing against yours. he tightens his grip around you as you let out a soft whine, but you do not let go or even struggle against him at all.

instead, you find your fingers entangling themselves in his messy locks of brown hair as he kisses you with such need, as if he's imprinting himself on you.

you feel the roughness of his breath and the urgency in his touch as his arms envelop you like promise and a warning, and it was overwhelming your senses.

after a brief moment, he pulls away from your lips, ragged gasps for air escaping his breath, but he doesn't let go. he's never letting you go. his hold on you was firm as ever and you can see the satisfaction in his eyes, taking dark pleasure in having you like this, at this very moment, completely and utterly his.

"stay with me, alright? let me have you, sweetheart," he murmurs against your lips.

you slowly nod your head, unable to find your voice as you lose yourself in his intense gaze and the sensation of his kiss, and as he leans in to capture your lips in another kiss, you know that tonight, you're his.

and then, with a dark glint in his eyes, he suddenly says, "call me osamu."

the name sends a shock through you, causing you to pale. osamu. the same name as the fallen angel you had been warned about, dazai osamu. your heart pounds against your chest at the realization, hitting you like a bolt of lightning, and finally, you see it. the flicker in his eyes, behind the tender facade he had been holding.

"osamu?" your voice trembles at the utter of his name.

he smiles a knowing smile towards you, "yes, osamu. call me osamu."

the unspoken truth hangs heavy in the air. the man holding you was no ordinary being. he was no king. he was no mere mortal. this man, he used to be an angel of the highest grade. he's the fallen angel you heard of, the one who had been cast out of heaven, and now he was the one who craves to touch you.

osamu brushes his fingers against your cheek in a gentle touch, "i told you earlier, didn’t i? you shouldn't be afraid. i'm not even here to hurt you at all, my beautiful archangel."

your mind and heart became in conflict with one another, but your body responds to his presence, the same way this fallen angel was drawn to your embrace. and besides, didn’t you think so yourself? everybody is worthy of love and grace. even if it was dazai osamu..

so, this was alright. it should be.

"then, what do you want from me?" you ask softly.

"i just want to be with you." he whispers before kissing you again, and his name echoes in your mind, sweeping you with a dark allure.

"i long for you, [name]."

𝐀.𝐍. ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ it's been a long while since i've written anything, so consider this as my comeback stage after being beaten up by my major, so i'm glad to have finally published the first chapter of my latest series, wahoo <3 <3

𝐏.𝐒. ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ osamu disguising himself as shuji was on purpose. it's a reference to the real dazai osamu's name, shuji tsushima. i also took some lines from the inspo/reference of this fic from the poem of eloa, from the second song/stanza. the next part of his chapter is just gonna be some smut, so feel free to skip it. okay? okay !

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ⊹ 𓂃 ₊ @little-miss-chaoss @anonymousewrites @chaiifluuf @sosograndii @anqelically @blueberrisdove @cheriiyaya @avocate-assia-dazai @yushiba-tsukyoh @cupidszvlvr @snowsilver2000 @cvidy @dummytwo @kissesmellow21 @angelofdarkness2 @muichirolover23 @milky-aeons @pompompurin1028 @pe4rl-diver @dzaisamou @iloveemiatas @kentopedia @aureatchi @its-vante @haesify @fyorina @atlasnessie

[pivotalmark]

❛ ALL TOO WELL. ❜ bella's own tone is calm &* collected , but there's a fair amount of trepidation perceptible in the pinch of her brow as she eyes the other. the volturi make her anxious --- give her the kind of fear edward always tried to fish out of her but never could. she'd never feared he would hurt her. these guys , though ? they looked at her as nothing more than a snack. at best , aro valued her potential power ; the rest ? SHE'S LUCKY HE'S IN CHARGE. for now , she focuses on keeping her gaze even -- jane was a first step in her plan , just after their human secretary.

❛ edward &* i are no longer together. ❜ her lips pull down in a frown as she breaks her gaze away from jane. ❛ after the confrontation , he knew he needed to change me. HE REFUSED. said we could run forever , until i died of old age [...] so , i refused. i know what i want. i thought it was him , but ----- it's to be like you all. immortal. strong. free. ❜ fingers clench &* unclench in fists , her brows furrowing even further. ❛ so i came here. we have mutual interests ----- aro wants my power , i want a chance to live freely. I'LL JOIN THE GUARD , if he'll make me immortal. ❜ 

@pivotalmark LIKED for a starter ! ft jane volturi

𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐃𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 meeting, & afterward when the cullen clan defeated the newborns, she had found bella interesting. interesting because she was immune to her power yet annoying for the same reason. in the back of her mind, jane almost resents bella for the interest that aro holds for her & what it might mean if bella were to ever . . join their coven like aro wishes. ( her masters attentions can be fickle at time. he likes the shiniest thing, something to add to his collection that he’s never seen. jane can be ill-tempered & selfish with that attention—for she sees aro like a father figure she hadn’t had since she was human. ) ❛ bella, ❜ comes smooth, even tone as hands claps behind her back. eyes the shade of dark red focus on the human, the way her heart sounds in her chest. ❛ i hadn’t expected to see you so soon. ❜ a smile rests on rosy flushed lips, ❛ i hope you & your . . edward haven’t caused more trouble. you remember what i said that day in the clearing, don’t you ? ❜

[kanmom51]

The terms JK has used to describe JM

You don't realize there are so many terms JK used to describe JM until you start digging. I tried. I honestly did. To bunch them all together into one post. But I 100% know that I've missed something, forgot something on the way. So, I apologize in advance for that.

But then, I went to all the trouble to create this post, so what am I apologizing for?

Lol.

Just know there is probably more that I missed (and probably the most obvious I should have remembered off the batt - shame on me).

Let's get started, why don't we?

Nice

This is a term JK used to describe JM multiple times.

JK 15 June 2015:

Well, damn.

What do I do with this one?

I like JM's personality - he's nice, he treats me well.

I find JM attractive - his eyes are really beautiful when he smiles (not pretty, not beautiful, but "really beautiful" was his choice of words).

I find JM charming - no one can match his charm among the members.

If I were a girl I would want to date JM.

In one go we have:

Nice

Attractive

His eyes really beautiful when he smiles.

Charming.

And to top it up, we have A declaration of intent.

Charming

Well, just look above you, we have the charming.

But also:

Cute

This one is one we get on repeat.

And you know what? No wonder it is, given cute IS JK'S TYPE.

So, what has JK found cute about JM?

His toes.

His pinky

His sneezes.

His existence.

Gave JM the cute award.

Here you will find many more JM cute mentions:

And yep, there we go again.

And because we established JK's type is CUTE, then let's enjoy this too, why don't we?

Pretty

Pretty eyes:

Notice the use of the term REALLY both times he talks about JM's eyes? Really beautiful and really pretty are the terms he used.

Very pretty.

Pretty. Period.

Sexy

Sexy expression.

and this:

Which until this day I do not understand how he got away with.

"Ohhh! Jimin's sexy."

Exclamation mark of course.

Black swan JM sexy (oh, and elegant too):

And let's go out with a bang, why don't we?

Extremely sexy.

No. It wasn't enough to say that JM is sexy. Nope. He's extremely sexy!! Listen to JK. He definitley knows.

His final looks ranking

Now, you see, JK used to have to do these in the early years. Have to because he was asked to in interviews and shows. And in the early years he was a little/big shit, and used to rank JM last. I do think he had his reasons for it (didn't want to show his crush, didn't want to rank the older hyungs last, JM was the one he was closest with and it was easier for him to maybe apologize later on or maybe he thought he could make it up to him later), but whatever they were, what he did was inexcusable, because he really hurt JM by doing this (you clearly see it in the last ranking he was asked to do in 2014). Sadly, I'm not sure he was mature enough to understand it yet. In early 2015 he was asked about it, why he ranks JM last? Is JM really unattractive in his opinion? And his immediate answer was no. That he did it for laughs. Again, not understanding how hurtful it was.

But you see, JK didn't think JM wasn't good looking. Quite the opposite. He even said it, just not loud enough, not where it had more of an impact (I mean, look at how those clips circulate and fans really do believe this is what JK thought back in the day while he obviously did not).

Do you see what I see?

"In BTS Jimin Park's role is being #1 in looks".

Peeps, this is way backsies in 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what JK thought about JM, not those stupid rankings where he thought he was there to entertain the audience delivering JM as the sacrificial lamb, maybe thinking JM's over the top reactions would be entertaining (outwards, cause he too thought he was there to entertain the audience and in the meantime was hurt to the core).

Before I move on to JK's final ranking in 2019, his "making things right for all to see and hear", I want to us to look a little more at that description JK wrote way back in 2015. You still see the hesitation not to give him a too outstanding mark in looks (he ranks him #1 in BTS but only gives him a 50 out of 100 mark). This could be him not wanting to show his crush or not wanting it to go to JM's head, lol. With the way JK was behaving, at times having to scrape his tongue off the floor and others having to adjust the jewels, I would say that in his head that mark was way higher than a 50, lol.

JM's charm points: eye smile, strong body, thighs (man has a thing for thighs too, we know that).

But our boy, he grew up. He matured. He understood. And he wanted to set things straight. Because to him, 2019 JK, JM ranked no. 1 in looks (surprise surprise) not on paper, but bringing it up as a question he 'happened' to pick, out loud. No real ranking was going on, it was only important for him for everyone to know that JM was #1.

Cute, sexy, lovely

Just for funsies. The lethal combination.

Always no. 1 to him

Now, this one is so much bigger than people give it. The way JK talks to JM, media room, all media outlets there, mid a sort of interview, there is a reason JM was trying to flee the scene, lol. JK calling him Jimin-ah like that, and following with "where you going?". This is his hyung, his elder, it's just not done, and most definitley not in the surroundings they were in. So yes, this one is big. JK dropping the honorifics calling him Jimin-ah, using a term of affection, and following it with "you're always no. 1 to me."

Handsome

he doesn't really use that term too much when it comes to JM.

But he did use it once that I can think of:

Maybe because it's a little detached, less personal. While pretty, especially a man calling another man pretty, that feels more personal. Pretty is not a term usually used to call a man, even more so by another man. This was back in 2015 and from the interaction we can see that JM was definitley not used to JK complimenting him. He got so flustered and felt there was an ulterior motive, which there was to start with, but definitley not after the success of JK's mission after the first time he called JM and got the "thank you" he was supposed to get.

Anyway, I can't for the life of me (getting old maybe) cannot think of another occasion, especially a later one, where JK calls JM handsome.

A fallen angel

Shameless:

When asked what he liked about JM who is sitting next to you, JK's answer was:

Not a description but when asked what part of JM's body is his favorite, JK's reply was:

His whole body.

This man is totally smitten.

And just incase after all of this you still don't think JK is head over heals for JM, I give you exhibit 20,171,108:

[kylegallners]

twilight fancast: jenna ortega as bella swan and jacob elordi as edward cullen

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion.”

[princelylove]

Homemade CDs.

Synopsis: Leone loves youuu so muuuucchhh. A wip that I desperately want to get rid of, intended as a tiny drabble to build some character for Leone.

Warnings: general yandere content, stalking 

There’s too many CDs under the television in Leone’s living room.

It’s Guido’s living room too, but Guido doesn’t really collect CDs. He has a couple- The Carpenters, The Cranberries, maybe even a Lesley Gore CD he swears up and down he got from a girl that just happened to leave it. (And hasn’t called him in three years to get it back.)

But other than that, it’s all Leone’s. There’s what you’d expect- Monteverdi, Tchaikovsky, maybe some Depeche Mode, and Bauhaus. Why does one man need three different versions of Swan Lake? The fucking nutcracker is in here?? They make CDs for that???

Some have had their insides replaced with black paper. If you ask him about it, he’ll tell you he burned the CD himself, and that’s why the side is blank. You just stick a piece of paper in where the art normally goes.

He never really wants to play it. If you ask him to, or God forbid take the liberty of opening it and putting it into the player yourself, he’s quick to take it from you and put it somewhere high up until you leave. Even if you’re tall, are you ‘top of the kitchen cabinets’ tall? Go ahead, try. Without looking stupid and leaning on his countertop. Yeah, that’s what he thought.

There’s also a ridiculous amount of films. Pretty Woman and The Bridges of Madison County sit nicely next to Leone’s hoard. Sling Blade, a recording of a ballet company’s Swan Lake, The Silence of the Lambs, the tv special version of The Phantom of The Opera (as well as the black and white one), are all pressed tightly together to fit in the shelves. 

It’s hard to imagine Leone genuinely enjoying all of this, especially considering you’ve never really seen him smile in the first place. You imagine he just exhales instead of properly laughing at the ‘funny’ parts.

His humor is a bit morbid, from your point of view. He probably laughs at the serious parts- sends himself into a laughing fit at the phantom going underwater with a stick to breathe. Or maybe he’s an elitist, and doesn’t watch films to amuse himself. 

‘I watch them for the experience.’ You imagine him saying.

He’s lucky you haven’t caught him watching you. 

You’re so precious like this. It’s the closest thing Leone’s had to domesticity with you. Going through his things while he fixes his makeup in the bathroom, where he can still monitor you but pretend he doesn’t care what you’re doing… He’ll replay this later to see which films caught your eye, so he can rewatch them, or put them on the next time you come over. Ohh, heey, silence of the lambs just happened to be on, you’re welcome to sit and watch while he leaves to go do anything other than sit next to you- despite suggesting that you amuse yourself with his things. It’s kind of rude to go through someone’s things, especially when they’re organized like this, but you’re not about to tell Leone a hard ‘no.’

You may have thought he was being sarcastic, ‘Yeah, come over to my house and dig through my shit, perfect.’ but he meant it. Getting to watch you browse in the confines of his apartment is the most fun he’s had in a while. 

When Guido gets home and breaks the precious silence Leone was thrilled about, he’s quick to comment on you digging through their collection.

“Hey, what’s- dude??? Your little guest can dig through our shit but I can’t leave a movie I’m CURRENTLY WATCHING out on the table? That’s SO unfair.” 

“You won’t put it back where you found it.” 

… You take that as a sign that you need to clean up, and put everything back the way you vaguely remember. You’re successful- a few are out of order, but it’s mainly neat. You’re not really interested in hearing Leone bitch about how ‘perfect’ he had it.

What you don’t know, and Leone will never tell you, is that he will never change the order you put it back in. That’s how they will stay, forever. A subtle piece of you in his home… he could just melt, but he won’t. Not until he has the absolute privacy of his room, where he can shove his face into his pillow, and then spend the evening hand washing his makeup off of it.

Leone still hasn’t come out of the bathroom. He’s not about to shut the love of his life out- not when that handsy bastard is home and eager to touch what isn’t his, but he’s also not ready to be so bold and actually be near you. Leone has dibs, Guido should respect that, nevermind the fact that Leone has never verbally or physically expressed his attraction to you. 

He’s probably the luckiest man alive to live somewhere convenient to you. His apartment is on your way to where Bucciarati tells you to meet him for jobs- it’s easier to crash at Leone’s when the weather isn’t very well intentioned. You normally leave once Bruno calls you, but it’s been an hour since the agreed meeting time. Normally Leone would be worried, but… making sure you’re fine is more of a priority to him, at the moment. He cares about Bruno- obviously, of course he does, he’s beyond grateful… but one of you is his obsession and the other makes him feel a great deal of guilt. Well. You both make him feel guilty, but one is an “I am indebted to you eternally” and the other is “If you ever find out I lick your calves when I replay you I am fucked” kind of guilt. Very different.

He snaps out of the thought when he notices you’re not where he left you. Leone’s not about to panic- if you’re still here, it makes him look like an overbearing host who needs to see you constantly and oh god what if you don’t like clingy guys. What if you dislike him and are secretly waiting around for Guido? Is that why you’re fine with the silence? Is that why you’re so content with him not really talking to you during your visits and just letting you sit around? 

Leone finds his way into his kitchen, and scoffs at the display. You were being entertained by Guido. You’re playing his current favorite game: see how high he can pick you up before Leone kills the mood. Looks like today’s game isn’t going to be a record holder. 

“Can you not do that in front of the food?” 

“Whaaat? We’re just playing. Don’t be so bitter.” 

“I’d rather your ‘playing’ not break the only real glass we have left.”

“Jeez. What’s up your ass today.” Guido puts you down, and moves on to pour himself a drink from the refrigerator. 

Leone’s eyes flick towards your face, to check your expression. Any ounce of reassurance will hold him over for weeks. Look at me. Approve of me. Love me.

When you avoid his gaze, he glances at the clock on the wall, and leaves to go back to what he was doing.

To Leone, pretending not to look his way is just as good as fully paying attention to him. 

He has a routine whenever he replays you. Firstly, he needs to make sure Guido isn’t going to be back for a while, so he sends him on some tedious errand he puts off with the intention of passing it off to poor, unknowing Guido. Secondly, he has to check what you were doing before you arrived, just in case. If you looked in any stores, if you tried to look in his window, what expression you were making just before you rang the doorbell. If you looked tense, he always tries to find out why. 

That gorgeous face of yours seems content today, so he speeds the replay up…

When he opened the door for you the other day, you looked at him for a second longer than normal. A whole, unobstructed second. What did he ever do to deserve such a look? 

He hates the way you look at anyone else. Nothing infuriates him more than his darling giving their precious attention to someone who entirely doesn’t deserve it. Not that he thinks he does, but… it’s better than anyone else having it.

It doesn’t matter, since this look was for him, not Guido, not Bruno, and nobody else. It doesn’t matter if it’s disdain, complete neutrality, or even pity. That gorgeous expression you’re making is intended for him, and he missed it, because he was pretending to not care about you being here. 

He’ll get you one day. Maybe not today, or soon, but one day. One day, he’ll get to play husband for you, and won’t even have to think about his stand, but for now… this’ll hold him over. 

One day, he’ll get to sit at your feet and give you the attention you deserve, but he’s trapped himself in this stupid “I hate you get away from me” act he’s putting up. A man can dream.

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

-Ode to Grief #3-

The concubine and the musician passed each other outside the king's bedchamber. It was past midnight. The musician was on his way in, and the concubine was on her way out. Both were carted around in a litter, although for very different reasons. 

Gao Jianli could not see her, but he knew a woman was there. He could smell her perfume and hear the creak of the sandalwood chair bouncing in time to the eunuchs’ footsteps. Her chair had only four pallbearers. Gao Jianli's had eight. That probably meant something, although he did not want to dwell on it. 

He wished desperately that he could see her face, to know what she might be thinking. How he wished to see a face. Anyone's face. 

The King of Qin amused himself liberally with the women, but they were never permitted to stay the night. He slept alone and kept a sword by his side. Gao Jianli knew this because the king had swung the sword at his face the first time he entered his bedchamber--to check that he was really blind. And he was, of course, so he hadn't flinched or even understood what was happening until a lock of his hair had fallen at his feet. 

The king had relaxed after that, and thus began their present arrangement. Gao Jianli would arrive every night, kneel at the foot of the king’s bed and play for hours and hours on end, not leaving until dawn crept in, the crickets fell silent, and the birds picked up their chorus.

It was not wholly accurate to say that the king slept with no one. He slept with Gao Jianli—and the musician suspected that he could not sleep without Gao Jianli. 

The king was drafting bills at his desk when Gao Jianli was announced and ushered inside. He could hear the rattling of the bamboo and the whisper of the brush. The faint smell of perfume still lingered in the room. 

"Ah, good evening, Court Composer! No, no, please don’t ke tou. I’ve told you, it makes me feel stupid when people do that while I’m in my underwear.” The servants led Gao Jianli to his designated mat. Another handed him the zhu--which had been locked away and inspected every night--and he clung to it like a drowning man finding flotsam. The bamboo drumstick and taunt silk strings had become the only things that felt real in this terrifying new world of shades and vertigo. He only felt whole when his instruments were safely in his hands.

“How do you like your new clothes?" said the king. 

"I’m sure they’re splendid, Your Highness, but I’m afraid their beauty is lost on me.”

The king laughed, “I mean, how do they feel? Are they comfortable? Easy to move in? I hope you don’t mind, but I had my tailor hem the coat a little higher than is proper so you wouldn’t trip over.”

“That’s very thoughtful, Your Highness,” Gao Jianli ran his hands over the zhu's wooden belly, checking it for any dents and scratches. 

“The colour is very becoming. You look like a proper Sage of Music now.” 

“His Highness does me too much honour,” No, no, no! Someone had tuned it wrong! The fourth string was painfully over-drawn, and Gao Jianli quickly eased it back, letting out a sigh of relief as the instrument was returned to its proper state. 

“I say! It’s drafty in here, isn’t it?” The king rose and bustled about the room. Moments later, something soft and heavy was draped over Gao Jianli’s shoulders—one of the duvets from the bed. The smell of perfume was stronger now. A large wooden table was dragged over to his left side, plates rattling. “Would you like a snack? Let’s see, there’s beef, lamb, swan, wild boar, abalone, shark-fin…Please stop and rest as often as you wish—good health isn’t something gold can buy, you know!” 

“I don’t want to eat.” 

“Some tea, then,” the king poured him a cup and blew on it gently, “careful, it’s still quite hot.”  

------------------------ [small pov shift! I'm going to try write this part with QSH's voice. lets see if all that roleplaying helped!] 

The king settled back down at the desk and picked up his brush, although he was far too eager to resume his work. He watched Gao Jianli tune his instrument from the corner of his eye and played a little game with himself; what would the Sage of Music entertain him with tonight? The Kingdom of Yan, for all its sickening frivolity and excess, produced extraordinary artists. The fact that he had acquired their best and brightest star was just further proof of heaven's favour. 

The musician shunned the stand, preferring to balance the zhu on his knees. One of his little idiosyncrasies. It muffled the sound somewhat, softening each note into something indescribably sweet and inviting. 

Gao Jianli bowed his head, was still for a long moment, and did something he’d never done before. He opened his mouth and began to sing. 

The king was rather taken aback. Unlike his legendary skills with the zhu, Gao Jianli’s voice was not a thing of breathless beauty or a technical marvel. It was reedy and feeble, fluttering like a moth in the vast, high-walled bedroom. He had obviously been crying—again--and his nose was stuffy. And yet, the sound was still utterly bewitching. The king sat forwards, his hands upon the desk, struggling to catch the words. 

Wait. This was his song! Gao Jianli was singing Without Clothes, the Qin battle anthem. It was a simple, stout chant signifying the people’s willingness to go to war. The king had heard it sung by soldiers, a hundred thousand voices raised as one unified roar, fit to shake the heavens. He had never heard it sung like this, had never heard anything like this. This fervent, tearful whisper. The low, agonised keening of an injured beast. Gao Jianli touched the strings as if he was afraid they might break. The zhu in his lap wailed and wailed like a lost child. He played like a man in his death throes, gutted and slowly bleeding out. 

“How can you say you have no clothes?  I’ll share my coat with you. The king calls us to arms, I’ll prepare my axe and spear to fight with you.”

How can you say you have no clothes?  I’ll share my shirt with you. The king calls us to arms, I’ll prepare my spear and halberd to stand with you.

How can you say you have no clothes?  I’ll share my skirt with you. The king calls us to arms, I’ll don my armour and weapons to march with you. 

And just like that, the song was over, and the last note petered into silence. 

King Ying Zheng sat frozen in place, trembling from head to foot, unable to understand what he was feeling. His eyes stung, his throat ached as if it had been slit open, and his chest felt vice-tight. The closest he had ever felt like this was when that dagger-wielding madman chased him around the throne room, except this was much, much worse. It felt like someone had hacked off one of his limbs. Like a raw, jagged hole had been carved into his chest, leaving him hollow and so desperately empty. 

Ying Zheng’s first instinct was to have Gao Jianli dragged out and executed. No. That wasn’t enough. He needed to cut off the hands of every musician in the country and throw their instruments onto a flaming pyre. He was a fool to think he would be safe by taking Gao Jianli’s eyes. He should have torn out his tongue and locked that wretched thing away inside a box of salt, right next to Gao Jianli’s treacherous heart. 

“Play it again,” Ying Zheng said hoarsely. 

“No.” 

“No?” 

“It can’t be done.”

The king’s voice was dangerously soft, “can’t be done, or you won’t do it?” 

“Both, I suppose.” 

Ying Zheng was on his feet, scattering the bamboo books and brushes with a clatter. Hearing the commotion, the guards rushed into the room. The king held them off. 

“I have been more than lenient with you, Court Composer,” he hissed. “I have spared your life and given you the honour of serving me. I shower you with gifts and treat you with every courtesy, yet you have shown me nothing but contempt. First, you sing this seditious song and now you dare to defy me. You will play it again. Your King commands it.” 

Gao Jianli sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve, leaving a shiny trail of snot on the silk Ying Zheng had personally picked out for him. He was still weeping softly.

“Command the oceans to empty,” he said, “command the sun to run backwards in the sky. Command the dead to rise from their graves and bid them to speak. Once you have done all that, I will play this song again.” 

----------------------

Notes: the emperor's shadow has reached into my brain and rearranged ALL my neurones. here is the song gao jianli is singing. As you can see, I've changed the words slightly because my focus is on flow rather than accuracy. the biggest change is "the king calls us to arms" I've done it to give the song more immediacy and also to reflect the intent of the original "the king is summoning eager warriors."

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Run, Little Witch (Part 3)

More trust issues for Silver (my oc) and Mary is confronted with her past.

This was the last thing she'd been expecting to walk into, even when the sound of Silver's cries had torn her from her guard duty. She'd assumed the girl had got hurt, accidentally, during some rough and tumble game they were all enjoying. Mary had rushed down the stairs, ready to give whoever was responsible for hurting her a clip round the ear.

A clip wouldn't be enough for what scene lay before her now.

"Be this some mummers' play?! What is happening?!" She demanded to know; "Silver? Sweetheart?"

The girl's body hung forward, arms strung up by Robin and Julian's firm hands, while Kitty was holding up the back of the girl's shirt. There were no scars, those were already faded. But she'd heard the crack of the stick. She'd heard Silver's pain ripple throughout the halls.

She didn't respond to Mary. Her shoulders shook with quiet sobs of defeat.

Memories crept out of the shadows from centuries past. She'd witnessed this before, at the stocks set up in a village long ago. Once upon a time, that had been her at the receiving end of a sharp stick.

"You lets her go! You lets her go, this instant!"

"Silence, woman. This is no concern of yours. Stay out of it." The Captain dismissed without a turn of his head.

Mary seethed, "You dares tell me this be none of my concern!"

She marched forward, ready to shove the two stupid boys aside and gather Silver into her arms to get her away from this nonsense. Thomas stepped in front of her.

"Out of my way, soppy rag!" She pushed at his chest, only for Pat and Fanny to bar her path too.

Was she going to have to fight them all?! Let it be then!

"There's no need for this to turn ugly, Mary. Let us do our work." The Scout leader said, soft as always, though with that threatening undertone.

"Ugly?! Patrick, where be your eyes?! Look at the poor girl, you know this be wrongs!"

"Come now, Mary." Fanny interceded, "You were the first of us hesitant to befriend the child because you said she was a minion of Satan."

"I was wrongs! I see a swan and claim it to be Lucifer's lakey, that don't make it truth! Silver's a good girl, a sweet girl, she woulds not hurt a fly-"

Seizing the distraction, Silver sunk her teeth into Julian's bare calf. The man gasped and released her. She wasted no time in grabbing Robin's hand too, biting down hard until he let go. Then she ran, straight through the piano, disappearing through the wall.

Despite her statement being wrong, Mary's heart swelled with pride at the girl's tenacity.

"Oooh, she fiesty fox." Robin commented, rubbing at the marks on his hand.

"She's a vixen all right. Little bitch." Julian swore.

"You says one more words about her and I will knock your blocks off!" Mary fumed, smoke rising all around her, "What in God's name has gotten into you all?" She turned to the kindest, most innocent person in the room. "Kitty? Tell me, love. Please."

But the young woman's bubbly smile had been replaced with a contemptuous glare.

"The girl is the devil. And sin must be purged." Said Kitty, cold as ice.

"Sin must be purged." They all repeated in unison.

Mary knew that sound, that mindless chant of agreement, of combined fear and hate. It had come for her at her home that morning. It had woken her infant son in his cot. Her ears pounded at the memory of the thumps upon her front door.

She looked at them all. This time, their predatory gazes were not on her, but on some other sacrificial lamb.

"No...Not again." She shook her head, hands twitching at her sides, "Not again."

"Come, everyone. The hunt goes on." Captain ordered, sending everyone out in different directions with a wave of his stick.

Mary grit her teeth. She knew that voice.

She grabbed at the soldier's sleeve; "I will nots let you harm a child!"

He paused, turning to look down at her hand, nose wrinkling above that mustache in disgust. They then looked at her through the rising smoke, brow furrowing.

"...Have we met before?"

Mary let go. That was all the confirmation that she needed.

The Captain gave a snort of derision, then turned away.

As she passed through another wall, her feet stumbled over an object discarded on the floor.

"Oof, ow! Watch where..." Humphrey's head rolled to a stop. He looked up at her; "Oh! It's her! Guys, she's up here!"

Silver scooped him up off the floor and clutched him face first to her stomach, muffling his shouts. She fled to the cupboard, having lost track of whose room she was in, and sat in the dark.

She pulled Humphrey back to meet his eyes, one hand held firmly over his mouth.

"Listen to me! You say one word to give me away and you are going straight down the bog, do you hear?!" Silver threatened as the head of the Tudor continued to shout against her palm; "I have just had the shit beaten out of me by people I thought were my friends so I am DONE playing games, do I make myself clear?!"

The noise stopped. He simply glared at her.

Fuck. She hated this so much.

"Humphrey, please..." She weakened, exhausted, "...If there is some part of you, no matter how small, that remembers who I am, who I really am, and knows you're being controlled to act this way...Please tell me. Or...show me..."

Nothing. She wouldn't be foolish enough to risk moving her hand away.

"Blink three times if part of you is still in there. Please." Her voice cracked.

More staring. Sheer hatred.

And then, with a wince at the corners of his brow, he blinked. One. Two.

Three.

Silver let out a sob. She held him tight as she allowed herself a moment to let the tears fall. That tiny piece of her friend who remained deep inside, fighting against whatever malevolent force had invaded the house, was the closest she could get to company right now. To know that she wasn't completely alone.

After a mere minute of release, she wiped her eyes, then held him up again. His expression remained the same but she could see the little glimmer of conflict. It was enough to give her hope.

"Right. One big blink for yes, twice for no." She told him, sniffing back her tears; "Robin said he thought he knew what this thing was...or who it was. Do you?"

A pause. Then one blink.

"....Do you know how I can get rid of him?"

One blink.

"Fuck." She wouldn't be able to get the answers she needed through this limited method of communication. She mentally kicked herself for not paying attention to Cap's lesson on Morse Code. "...I can't trust that you won't scream if I let you talk."

She'd trusted one person tonight, the one she thought she could trust beyond anyone else, and look where that had got her.

"You will scream if I let go, won't you?"

One blink.

Was that Humphrey warning her or the evil spirit just being honest?

She took a breath and popped her head through the closet door. Empty still. Easing herself out, she crept over to the window. Perhaps going back to the woods was her best bet. Robin had only lead her away to trick her.

"I'm really sorry about this, Humphrey." She dropped him to the floor and kicked as hard as she could.

The cries of "SHE'S HERE! SHE'S HERE!" echoed as his head was sent hurtling across the lawn.

Hopefully that would throw them off.

She continued to pass through walls, keeping a keen ear out for any sign of them.

When she reached Alison's room, her focus was drawn immediately to the gothic mirror frame propped against the wall on the floor. Glass smashed. Hot, nauseating energy rippled off of it like toxic gas. As weary as she was of getting closer, she spotted the name carved into the top of the frame.

Sir Pius.

Her stomach flipped. She knew that name. Before she'd come to this site to perform her Esbat, she'd read extensively on the fascinating history of this house and the land. She knew about the legend of the screaming Victorian woman (who turned out to be Edwardian and very much not early twenties). She knew about the MP who died in a sex scandal and the Tudor Knight convicted of treason.

And most of all, she knew about the witch trials, headed by the local respected lawman. Sir Pius Montgomery. Witchfinder.

"There you is!"

Silver jumped at the voice at the threshold.

Mary smiled at her, arms opening wide; "Come on, little'en. Let's gets you somewhere safe."

"No, no, no!"

Not again, she wouldn't let her heart be broken again.

The older woman's face fell with concern; "Silver, love, t'is only me. You know I won't hurts you."

"I thought I knew you all...I thought none of you could hurt me..." she backed towards the window.

Mary's sadness looked almost genuine.

"Darlin' girl, please trust me. I know what this thing is that's after yous, that what's got the others in his grasp. I won't let's him do to you what he did to....so many other girls." She pledged, reaching her hands out; "I know it's been a rough night but trust me, I'll keep you safe until Alison gets back and we can fix this, I swears to you. Just...take my hand."

Silver looked at it. The soot covered, calloused fingers, that still always managed to feel so soft and comforting. She wanted nothing more than to let them hold her.

Tears blurring her vision, she looked at Mary, then shook her head.

"I can't..."

"Silver..."

She leapt through the window again, prepared to face this on her own. That's how she'd made it through most of her life, more or less.

Except this time, she didn't hit the ground.

A pair of red coated arms caught her. Silver gasped in surprise and found herself looking into the eyes of...nobody. No eyes. No head.

"Yeah, that's it! Good catch! You got her!" Humphrey cheered from several yards away.

Silver screamed.

[my-plastic-life]

Happy 15th anniversary to the Twilight saga movies! Fifteen years ago today (Nov. 21, 2008), the very first Twilight movie premiered in theaters. Based on the four books by Stephenie Meyer, the books also became a global phenomenon. Mattel jumped on board with a series of Twilight dolls, the first of which were our two main protagonists, Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. Later, other characters would be released like Jacob, the entire Cullen family, Jane, and Victoria. A wedding Edward and Bella set was also released, followed by vampire Bella. And fun fact - all the vampire dolls do have a sparkly/glittery texture on their bodies and faces to give that unique "sunlight" effect!

To commemorate this milestone, I borrowed my mom's dolls for some photos. Why don't I own these myself? Because when the movies came out, I was in my "too old for dolls" stage... oops. LOL.

Here we go!

"I know what you are."

"Say it. Out loud. Say it."

"Vampire."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

"What a stupid lamb."

"What a sick, masochistic lion."

When you can live forever, what do you live for?

Here's a video where I try to show the glitter effect. It's hard to capture on camera lol

[ursaminortarot]

Pick-a-card Reading

I did another pick-a-card reading, this time focusing on love and romance. Also, if this is relevant to you or resonated with you at all, can you leave a comment with your astrological sign and which pile you picked? If you know your moon, rising, and venus, could you leave those as well? I have a theory I want to test.

The piles you can pick from are:

Pile 1: Hyena

Pile 2: Swan

Pile 3: Frog

Pile 4: Lion

Pile 5: Fire Ant

Pile 6: Black Egg

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Pile 1: Hyena

Wheel of Fortune, 5 of Wands, 3 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Wisdom Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles reversed, Father of Swords reversed, Co-create, Vision 10 of swords, 10 of Wands reversed, The Moon reversed, Go the Distance, Bond Knight of Wands reversed, 9 of Swords, The Sun reversed, Regenerate, Message Knight of Cups, 8 of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords reversed, Yin reversed, Achievement Bonus Cards: 3 of Pentacles reversed, 3 of Wands reversed, Death, 5 of Cups reversed, 6 of Swords

You haven’t had the best of luck with your past relationships. You’ve dealt with heartbreak and disappointment and that’s made you skeptical of love; and if you ever believed in soulmates, you don’t anymore. The positive to all this pain is that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and how to assert your boundaries. You’re the type of person to throw yourself into work as a distraction. Keeping yourself busy to avoid processing your emotions is something that can only work for so long. You need to focus less on work, it’s preventing you from doing the work you need to do in order to move on. You may even begin having dreams about your most recent relationship until this is done. Ending negative cycles can be a difficult and daunting task, but in this case it’s necessary. Otherwise you won’t find your peace. You are healing, it may not be progressing at the speed you want, but these things take time. You were meant to find this message: “there’s light at the end of the tunnel”. Healing isn’t linear, so don’t feel defeated after a hard day, week, month, or even a hard year. At this moment, you should focus on finding harmony within yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 2: Swan

The Chariot, The Tower, Ace of Wands reversed, A leg Up, Poised, Death, Reflect 3 of Cups, Temperance reversed, The Chariot reversed, Co-create, Regeneration, Deceit 5 of Pentacles reversed, Page of Wands, Temperance reversed, Time to go, Protect Page of Wands, Two of Swords reversed, 9 of Pentacles, Why? reversed, Tick-tock reversed, Luck 4 of Cups reversed, Queen of Wands, 6 of Wands reversed, Breath, Come to the Edge, Terra, Vision

I get the feeling that you don’t have a type, or if you do it’s always changing. Sometimes you can be a little rash with love and this can get you in trouble. You’re the kind of person who will turn someone’s world upside down - and then you ghost them. You haven't always been this way. At one point you were in a serious relationship, and for some of you, possibly engaged or planning a family. This relationship didn’t end well, it was a very messy break up. I get the impression that you were likely cheated on. You end relationships so quickly, and sometimes harshly, because you would rather hurt the other person than risk being hurt again. You haven’t felt safe with a partner in a long time, but the problem here is that you don’t stick around long enough to develop the level of trust that you want to have within a relationship. What you need to do right now is spend time alone, dig deep, and really think about what it is that you want. Do you even want a relationship right now, or are you just looking to have fun? You’re not very grounded at the moment, this is a contributing factor to your restlessness. If you can, take some time to enjoy nature and find your center. If you’re the kind of person who likes to party, you’re being asked to slow down and pace yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 3: Frog

[Before getting into the reading, I’m getting a distinct feeling from this pile. Either, you’ve never been in a relationship or you don’t have a lot of experience with them.]

The Moon reversed, Knight of Pentacles, The Hanged Man reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Balance The Empress, Queen of Swords reversed, Ace of Cups reversed, To Be Fair, Achievement 5 of Cups reversed, King of Wands reversed, 10 of Wands reversed, Milk and Honey, Simplicity 3 of Cups, 4 of Pentacles, The Tower reversed, Higher Power, Sol 2 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, Daughter of Cups reversed, Never-ending story, Transformation Bonus Cards: 8 of Wands reversed, 7 of Wands reversed, Clean it up reversed

You’re very cautious or picky when it comes to relationships. There are a lot of fears present here, but we’ll handle them one at a time. There’s a fear of not finding stability or being trapped. You want everything to be fair and equal in a relationship, but this can make it difficult to ask for what you want or need. You don’t want to be too much, but you also don’t want to be giving more than you’re receiving. You hold yourself and other people to high standards, some might say that they’re impossible to meet. You know exactly what you want in a partner, and that makes you afraid of disappointment.  It’s not that you need to lower your standards, but you need to realize that it’ll be difficult to find someone who meets all of your expectations. If you don’t want to wait until that person crosses your path, or if you don’t even believe that they’re real, then you’re going to need to discern what standards are a necessity and which one’s are preferences that you can go without. People like being around you, because you have the ability to put them at ease. You built up this skill and put a lot of work into it. You have this need to make sure others feel safe when they're with you. You don’t want others to feel like they can’t be themselves around you, because you know how awful that can feel. You can connect with people on a deep level very easily. This is what’s frustrating for you, because if you can bond with people so easily then why haven’t you found your person? You are an extremely lonely person, but you need to accept that things will progress at their own pace and you need to get comfortable being alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 4: Lion

Queen of Swords, Queen of Pentacles reversed, 2 of Pentacles reversed, Soulmates reversed, Deceit The Fool, The Page of Cups, The Fool reversed, Poised, Breath, Sleep 10 of Cups, Six of Wands reversed, The Magician reversed, Here and Now, Cycle 3 of Pentacles, High Priestess, The Chariot reversed, Not for you, Exchanging Gifts, Bond The Hermit, Justice, Daughter of Wands reversed, Go the Distance, Wisdom Bonus Cards: Ace of Swords, Ace of Swords reversed

You’re a very strong and intelligent person, but you can be cold and calculating. You’re at odds with yourself because you want to be softer. You are a hopeless romantic at heart, but you can’t bring yourself to express it. You restrain that softer, more romantic side of yourself to save face. You don’t want to look stupid, but you also want to do all the sappy, silly lovey-dovey shit. You have a very creative side to you and you could use that as a way to explore your softer side. You don’t have to share your art with anyone, but it could help shift the way people perceive you. It could make it easier to express to people that there’s more to you than the cold front you’ve been putting up. Finding balance is key. You are analytical & calculating, but you’re also romantic & nurturing, and you need to find a way to exist as both, or you’re never going to get anywhere.

You should focus less on the future. You’re so worried about having this perfect fairytale ending, that you’re just getting in your own way.

You see the world in a very unique way and you don’t think you’ll meet someone who understands how you process and think about the world around you. You have a lot of conflicting feelings right now, and that’s okay, it’s human. You can’t be perfect all of the time.

 Also, you need to chill, you’re taking this way too seriously. Love, romance, and relationships are supposed to be fun. Go meditate in a forest or something, run away to the mountains, just find a way to relax. I can’t fully describe with words the extent of the uptight/tightly-wound energy I’m getting from you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 5: Fire Ant

7 of Cups reversed, 3 of Wands, Daughter of Swords, Truth be Told reversed, Simplicity The Empress, 10 of Wands reversed, 5 of Pentacles reversed, Observer reversed, Go the Distance, Deceit 2 of Wands, Queen of Swords, The Hanged Man, 9 of Swords reversed, Soulmates reversed, Fork in the Road, Healing Queen of Cups, King of Wands reversed, Ace of Swords reversed, Building Blocks reversed, Exchanging Gifts reversed, Balance   3 of Pentacles reversed, Queen of Wands reversed, Death, 8 of Pentacles, Poised reversed, Sol

You’re juggling a lot emotionally and I feel like you cope with these feelings through art. You are highly perceptive and you have a piercing gaze that can see through everybody’s bullshit. You value truth above anything else in relationships. You see so much that it makes it difficult for you to feel. It’s not that you don’t have feelings, it’s that you break everything down to the smallest detail and your feelings stop being feelings and become observations and data. You’ve become overly analytical and it’s getting in the way of potential relationships. I feel like you are this way because you saw something in someone once and you ignored it, and then you really wish you hadn’t. You thought that you had a future with someone who thought of themself as kind of a sacrificial lamb, so to speak. This person could not take accountability, everything was someone else's fault, and most of the time, they blamed you. Even though most of it was self-inflicted because they didn’t know how to say no and just went along with everyone and everything. Your view on relationships and love has been changed by this experience. The good news is that you’re starting to heal, but you’ll likely never see love the same way and you won’t be able to trust people as readily as you once did. You still believe in love and romance, for other people, but not for yourself. You don’t believe that you’ll ever be able to share that much of yourself with another person again. You have this ‘once was enough’ energy to you. If you want romance in the future, which I’m assuming you do because you’re reading this, you need to work on rebuilding the parts of yourself that got damaged by that relationship. Put yourself and your healing first and maybe, one day, you’ll be able to open yourself up to the prospect of romance again. Nothing’s impossible. This lack of confidence you have in yourself is starting to impact your professional life. You need to find yourself again, and that’s not going to be easy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pile 6: Black Egg

[This reading is all over the place. I can’t tell if that’s because I was tired after doing the other 5 readings or if it’s because you, the person who picked pile 6, are someone who has energy that bounces from one thing to another very quickly.]

Wheel Of Fortune, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Wands reversed, 6 of Pentacles, Treasure Island reversed, Sol King of Wands reversed, 6 of Swords, Justice, Mother of Swords reversed, Chop Wood, Achievement 5 of Pentacles, The Hierophant reversed, 6 of pentacles reversed, Father of swords reversed, All that Glitters, Bond 3 of Swords reversed, 10 of Wands, Son of Wands reversed, Daughter of Swords, A Leg Up, Arcana The World reversed, Death reversed, Ace of Wands reversed, 2 of Wands reversed, Blessed reversed, Air

You’ve had a rocky love life up until this point. All you want is stability because that’s something that has been lacking in your life, you need a balance between the domestic side of a relationship and having the freedom to be able to go off and do whatever you want. You don’t want to be pinned down, and yet, you want to pin someone else down. You need to allow potential partners the freedom you’re asking for.

You’ve gotten some bad relationship advice in the past. Someone told you that you need to be something you're not, or at least pretend to be something you’re not. The problem with this kind of thinking is that once your partner discovers that you haven’t been entirely truthful with them, they're not gonna want to stick around. Because, you know, people don’t like being lied to. 

You’ve had your heart broken in past relationships because you felt like you couldn’t turn to your partner for help. They were someone that asked a lot of you, but wouldn’t reciprocate. 

You’re an intelligent, and perceptive person, but you’re also incredibly passionate and a little head-strong. So, sometimes you don’t think before you act and that’s been a point of tension in past relationships. You want to rush everything, but there are no shortcuts in love. You need to slow down or find someone who can match your energy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know that readings with 30ish cards take me about an hour to do, so why was I surprised that this took me 6 hours? 

I don’t know how much of my personality to let show throughout these kinds of readings. I don’t want them to be dry or too detached, but at the same time people probably just want to know what their piles have to say.

[The decks I used were the Modern Witch Tarot, the Wild Unknown tarot, the Earthbound Oracle, the Wisdom of the Oracle and the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit oracle.]

I feel like these were too specific to apply to a lot of people, but also not specific enough. So, if you want a more personalized reading check out my Etsy shop.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/UrsaMinorTarot

[pivotalmark]

❛ ━━━━━ SHIT ❜ a hiss of pain escapes the brunette as she drops knife from hand , red staining the blade &* the onion diced up under it . NAUSEA &* DIZZINESS , &* that familiar wave of pure panic . hand is hugged close to her chest , staining t-shirt without a second thought . but there's no blood thirsty vampire lunging at her ; there's no broken glass ; there's no imminent doom . just @murkyhazed rushing to bella's side with his fatherly concern . ❛ I'M SORRY . i just [...] my mind wandered &* i cut my finger ━━ i'm sorry . ❜

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

This is a weird question, but what would happen if Edward slept with or raped Bella in Twilight and got her pregnant with Renesmee? I know that this is even more unlikely than her getting pregnant in NW, but well we're in the land of answers to unlikely questions on this blog

Well anon, I guess we're going here.

Specifically anon is referencing this post.

My Usual Up Front Note

Yes, I know, we all know this is outlandish but I have to do this. Otherwise this blog descends into me writing fanfiction, and I have an AO3 and FFNet account for that.

Edward is many things and it's no great secret that I think he... makes very questionable decisions all the time and should not be romantically entangled with anybody.

However, Edward is not a rapist.

In the original post I go over my thoughts on this but essentially the crux of it is that Edward does have his moral standards. He will not have sex with a woman without a) being married to her first and b) without her explicit consent. Which, Bella does give against his advice in New Moon, fully aware of all the consequences that Edward himself is aware of (neither knew Renesmee was on the table then).

I do not think, at least without a lot of terrible things and huge catalysts happening first, that Edward would rape Bella.

I certainly don't think they'd be having sex as early as Twilight. Bella's not yet eighteen, Edward has no immediate plans to leave her (likely telling himself he'll leave after graduation when the separation is more natural), and he has no plans to marry her.

Sex isn't even on the table in Twilight.

Come on, Muffin, Try

But, per the ask, Edward and Bella do have sex in Twilight.

I have no idea how this would occur without a substantial amount of sex pollen. So, sex pollen it is.

Edward and Bella are in the meadow, it's the happiest day of Edward's life as Bella now fully understands what he is and doesn't run in terror. It's the happiest day of Bella's life as beautiful Edward has just shown her his innermost vulnerable self.

The stupid lamb is in love with the stupid lion. Huzzah.

Just then, wafting through the sky, is a blossoming alien plant life that for some unknown reason is also an intense aphrodisiac. This likely affects the entire town of Forks, but never mind them, we're focusing on Bella and Edward.

Bella looks at Edward, Edward looks at Bella, chemicals in their brain are churning. And as many a fanfiction protagonist has found out: resistance is futile. Edward and Bella succumb to the sex pollen in short order.

Edward probably crushes Bella in the act of sex and ends up sucking her blood out of the grass like a vacuum cleaner while naked. When he comes to, there's bits of Bella's pancreas on his face. He sobs in despair, for he is the world's greatest monster who has raped the love of his life to death and then devoured her corpse.

He goes to Volterra to kill himself. Aro's not sure what to say to any of this, Caius judges Carlisle by association.

However, we're not in that timeline per the ask.

Instead, somehow, despite both parties being not at home, Edward does not crush Bella in the midst of intercourse. Instead, as the sex pollen fades, they get to stare at each other in the aftermath.

They're in a meadow, naked, their clothes are torn into pieces, neither Bella nor Edward is a virgin and both of them can barely remember having sex.

Edward likely flees with suicide on his mind.

He may not have crushed Bella and devoured her corpse but he did just rape her. His inner demon took over and tarnished the most wonderful thing in all the world: he is no better than the monsters he once devoured.

He's likely planning his flight to Volterra before he even gets to the house. All he needs is a change of clothes and a credit card.

And luckily for him, since the entire town just succumbed to sex pollen (including the Cullens), Alice is probably in too much of a daze to see what's about to happen. Edward is able to find some pants, purchase a flight, and runs.

Bella is left naked and alone in the meadow. And very, very, sore.

Eventually, she has to hobble back to the street. She probably gets lost, as she did in canon. Eventually, a search party is probably sent out for Bella. One of the Cullens probably finds her first and... holy god she's looking full on rape victim.

No clothes, shivering naked and dangerously cold, covered in bruises.

Carlisle has not seen Edward all day, sex pollen descended on the town, this is painting a very bad picture of what just happened to Edward and Bella.

Bella tries to insist she's fine. She's not. She's taken to the hospital. And then the bomb drops. Bella easily confesses to Carlisle that she and Edward had sex. Bella has had sex with no one else. She's given a pregnancy test, it comes back positive.

Bella is pregnant with Edward's vampire child.

Carlisle... does not know how to tell Bella. Bella takes it very well surprisingly. By which she doesn't at all.

She does not want to be a teenage mother, that girl in that small town, at all. (She also would be devastated to be thought of as Edward Cullen's rape victim, but Bella's oblivious to that whole part of this)

She also has her whole life ahead of her and never wanted kids or to get married. She's seen how that shit turns out.

On the other hand, this is Edward's child, how can Bella take something so beautiful out of this world? Also, Renesmee's probably working overtime.

Bella tells Carlisle, right there in the hospital, that she's keeping the baby. Yes, she knows that she will have to fake her death, that she'll never see her family again. Yes, she's carrying a child that Carlisle's never seen before, he's not an OBGYN, and there's no telling what will happen. Yes, she's aware she could die. She's doing this.

Well. Carlisle's life just got ten times harder.

He fakes her death in the hospital somehow. Bella Swan dies of internal bleeding from the rape and is carted out of the hospital. Charlie, naturally, comes to arrest Edward Cullen (despite the entire town being affected by sex pollen all at once) but Carlisle truthfully notes that Edward isn't there. He hasn't seen Edward since the day before.

Charlie is also probably working overtime as the whole damn town was raped and does not have much time to look into this. Though Bella will be top priority case.

Charlie leaves (likely to go get a search warrant) and Carlisle gets to breathe a temporary sigh of relief. That sigh of relief is very temporary. Alice comes in in a flurry: Edward has fled to Volterra to kill himself.

Bella, who comes out of the cupboard she was hiding in during Charlie's visit, asks, "What's a Volterra?"

Carlisle calls Aro, tells him to stall Edward until Carlisle can come and also, Bella's pregnant with Edward's child.

Aro has no idea how to take that, and confesses what Carlisle guessed: no, he's never heard of such a thing before. Well, Aro will ask around and try to see if this (or sex pollen) have ever happened before and why doesn't Carlisle bring Bella with him when he comes to pick up Edward.

(Remember, this is before Eclipse, and as such all the shady nonsense has yet to go down.)

The whole family vamooses in the middle of the investigation, Dr. Carlisle Cullen won't be allowed t exist for a while. They head to Volterra, where Edward, indeed, has been stalled and he and Bella reunite.

Though, when I say "they", it's probably the Cullens sans Alice and Jasper. Alice wouldn't want to tempt Aro too much and, since Bella's carrying Renesmee, her visions are pretty much useless anyway. She'll see them later.

Edward is not nearly as thrilled as Bella that she is carrying his demon rape child. However, no one's listening to him and Bella insists she's not aborting the baby. Instead, Bella is heartbroken and tries to assure Edward that he's worthy of her and that it wasn't rape (it was) she had a great time! And she wants his demon baby!

Caius can't believe this soap opera is in his house.

Well, Edward probably won't try to kill himself before killing Renesmee, but then Renesmee's gift works overtime and he's convinced vampires have souls and is somehow able to forgive himself all this madness.

Edward marries Bella after she turns and gives birth, everyone loves Renesmee and they decide she's not a demon and is worthy of life, and they eventually leave Volterra great friends with the Volturi.

Sort of.

Weirdest decades of Caius' life.

[ginwhitlock]

summary: JASPER/ BELLA. set in eclipse (but is so far from canon honestly all you need to know is that victoria is after bella). When Jasper snatches Bella away to Texas to escape a vampire’s hunt for the girl who killed her lover, Bella comes clean about her hearts unfaithfulness on an unsettling summer morning, in front of God and everybody.

fic type: oneshot, no explicit scenes

warnings: religious guilt, Bella’s weird brand of horny, cheating on Edward, oh and Alice just doesn’t exist— don’t think about it too hard

There was this openness in the air, something stirring from the west, saturating the cotton fields. A yellow eyed barn cat stood still in the morning light, it’s black coat shifting with the bite of ghostly mice. Whiskers twitching. 

It was watching her, she was sure of it, like the pecan trees and the paddock mud and the mosquitoes. All beady-eyed and searching the brown haired girl, the one with crooked ankles and misaligned bangs that just barely kissed her cheeks in the late summer sun. She looked home grown. Wheat wild. A child of desert planes. And most importantly, she looked lost. 

“I thought you’d still be sleeping by now.” A hushed baritone slipped from the screen door, it’s owner donned in dark royal denim and loose leather. 

If it had been just months before, Bella would’ve rolled her eyes. 

But she was different now. As different as Washington was to Texas. As different as evergreens were to red oak. She swore even the sweat didn’t smell right. 

“Wanted to catch the sunrise.” There was a softness to her front teeth, the round of her molars quiet against one another. To whose ears she was catering to she didn’t know. And to be honest, she didn’t quite care anymore. 

Bella made out a lazy nod from her peripheral, the shaggy haired man seemingly relaxed out here on the front porch of her judgement day, all tan and tall and scented like rolled tobacco. 

Shut up, stupid girl. 

Jasper murmured out a response, something about humans needing sleep and southern sunrises being worthy enough to diminish the former from its place on his immortal pedestal. There was a creak and a groan from the haint green floorboards underneath her before she found herself shoulder to shoulder with the two hundred year old soldier; a stray wind had blown through the shaved baby blond hair lining his chin in the slightest of ways. There was a caution light screaming out from his stature and the brunette girl had the painful urge to swallow it under her teeth and tongue. Soak it in holy water and hide it in her skin for him to find. Or rather, Him, if this stay was going to end like she thought it ought to. 

He couldn’t feel that… could he? Stupid, stupid—

“The marigolds should be blooming about now, just west of the barn. They’re quite a bit prettier than Peter’s fields.” There was something off in the lit of his tongue, the way it flipped and rolled off his teeth. It came out… wrong. Forced. Like he was trying to be overtly kind. The way you talk to a frightened rabbit you clipped with the lawn mower. 

Bella frowned something deep and turned nose at Jasper. “Why did you bring me here, Hale?” 

With the question came a wince to his brow, a noticeable blow to his stature. He seemed to fold ever so slightly towards the young girl. 

“Don’t— don’t call me that.” 

Silence filled the unwalled prison of the porch like nothing else, the birds and wind seemingly gone to rest whenever the two entered into each other's space. Like worldly magnets, chess pieces that threw blows instead of diagonals. The quiet held them both. It held them together. 

Bella Swan blinked slowly in an unknown apology before settling back on the blond with the stone facade. She waited for him to continue. 

He sighed. “It’s safer here. Victoria wouldn’t come this far south without encountering things far worse than the likes of Emmett or Rose.” 

“But this wasn’t Edward’s plan, was it?” Bella’s lashes were like rodeo announcers with their back and forth turns to the outlook of western Texas. 

Jasper looked every bit of his one hundred fifty years as he laid a freezing hand on hers, their knuckles slotting together with unpracticed ease. “No. But it’s mine. And you’re gonna have to accept that.” 

She refused to nod at the man with the thigh clenching, hard work mending, touch, for more than a second. She was far from the type of girl that would lay down and let the boys run out their wildest stupidities on her seemingly catastrophic life, but she felt almost resigned in Jasper's hands. There was a calmness between them she couldn’t place as artificial or not, the soft wool of contentedness slowly covering the surveyor-ship she felt stepping outside this morning. The stares of the flora and fauna turned internal. Fire burned in the pit of her stomach, on the nape of her neck, across the fragile skin of her cheeks where freckles started to show, and mostly, on the warming flesh of her hand where their hands met gently. 

Maybe it was Edward looking onto them from a frozen forest hundreds of miles from here as he hunted a scarlet monster, discovering the hidden plumpness swirling around in his lover's chest for the brother he always worried about, but for all the wrong reasons. 

Or maybe… 

“Jasper, can I ask you something?” 

His eyes were like serpents, glowing yellow under the copper wind chimes above them. 

“Whatever you wish, Isabella.” 

Swallow. Breathe. “When you were human… did you believe in God?” 

A pause sliced the air in two. The cotton plants seemed to stop swaying. The feline vanished. A golden eyebrow fell to his browbone. 

“Yes, Isabella. Yes I did.” His face was drawn, distant, like an old time movie screen was playing out on his stone eyelids. 

Bella’s lips pulled at themselves with her front teeth. “Do you think He’s vengeful?” 

Their eye contact sealed itself, his hand moving on its own accord up her hand to her wrist, cradling the small, delicate bones that allowed her to touch him— but not now. Not ever again. 

“When I was a boy, my mama took me to church every Sunday at seven A.M sharp, and sent me to Sunday school after the service. I was the oldest, even then, and I had more responsibilities than just listening to the preacher ramble on about divinity and charity and sacrifice.”

Jasper's face was taught with memory. 

“I had two baby sisters by the time I turned seven and they were the number one priority, you have to understand, Isabella. Ada and Caroline couldn’t have been older than three when the Leroy boy died sitting in the pew behind us… poor child got heatstroke in his wool britches and after that I started dressing the girls in the lightest things I could find and never waited long after the sermon to get back.” 

Bella turned stormy under the weight of the seemingly young man's words, her eyes dropping from his own to study the way his fingers wrapped around her skin like a life jacket, one part caregiver and one part destroyer. Jasper's own hands seemed to start to tremor just slightly under her stare, or maybe it was from the wash of his own words. 

He took a breath he didn’t need. “But. I started listening when my mother got sick, before the girls finished schooling. Started praying. A part of me was guilty that I hadn’t started before I needed something, that the reason I spoke to Him was for a favor, and a big one at that. I was making up for lost time, I thought. I was begging on my knees for anything. And I didn’t get it.

“They buried an empty coffin with my name on it under a white wooden cross after the army said I went missing. Caroline would plant violets around it in the spring, weed out the planters and start again in the fall. She’d leave me communion wafers in our family pew and have Ada try to talk with me through the minister.” 

“I’m so sorry.” A true sadness settled in her bones, her seemingly selfish desire to have the question answered sat like a heavy stone in the out of her stomach. Her heart held out a warm woolen space for him and she silently begged he would sit in it, for his own sake. 

He waved her off and took on a slight smile, something she had never seen from Jasper. Not in any capacity before that very moment. 

She decided she would try to see it every chance she got for as long as he’d let her. 

“I wasn’t a man of religious structure, Isabella, but. I was a man of faith. The small times I was allowed to watch over my sisters only reminded me of that, no matter how far down to hell I had reached, I still had faith in redemption.” 

His teeth clicked together not unpleasantly. “But I haven’t answered your question have I?” There was a knowing-ness in his voice box and Bella wanted to drink it down like communion wine. She smiled back slightly. 

He was beautiful when he sighed. 

“I’ve done horrible things. Killed innocent people. Slaughtered children and mothers and lambs of God. I have worn blood on my hands like a second skin and not once during any of it did I feel remorse. But darlin,” his lashes fluttered like leaves, “not once did I think God wanted me to hate myself for what I had done. I think… He forgave me a long time ago, before I ever forgave myself. So no. I don’t believe in my brother’s vengeful punisher. Not today. Not in this lifetime.“ She’d never hear the ‘not with you’ fragment he had stuck in his mind.  

She had to step back from him then, the vampire who had become all consuming to her chest and her heart and her fingers. The air was warmer in the space behind him but it almost didn’t matter, the warmth layering her skin was enough to burn through an air conditioning unit anyway. Bella’s hands found clumsy solace in her back pockets as she stared ahead at the rows of painful cotton buds waiting to be harvested. The blood almost pulled to her fingertips. 

Teeth and lips found each other. “I don’t think I’m not going to get punished for this.”

Her words were concrete. Cement. Blacktop on a Kansas back road. They could’ve cut glass if she wanted them to. They almost did as he looked at her. 

“For what, Isabella?” 

Knowing bastard. Always. Knowing. 

No trembling allowed now. 

“For wanting you when Edwards away. When he’s in the same room as us. When he’s hunting the woman who's trying to kill me and you’re just standing there telling me not to be afraid of my own horrible heart… for betraying everything I’ve begged for since me and your brother met. I deserve to get punished for this, don’t I? Don’t you think?” 

She was sweating now, cold droplets running down her back to her the soft slope of her ass. Her knuckles were popping against each other like fireworks and she thought she might faint right then and there, MONSTER written across her forehead in a bruise from the impact. 

A scarred hand felt itself into its place under Bella’s chin and forced her rocking skull to finally glimpse the face she had been thinking of every moment she pulled her eyes away. Jasper Hal— Whitlock? And his clear midnight pupils branding her soul in a sinner’s blush. His lips formed a wonderful crook as he slowly pushed her flat against the ancient siding of the old farmhouse belonging to his long standing brother who looked like everything Jasper was except for his spirit. 

She could die this way and she would face God with a smile. 

“What I feel for you deserves no punishment darlin, but if you insist, I think I’d rather do the punishing than any divine power.” 

His lips were light rosy steel against Bella’s own as the clouds started to stretch out infinitely behind his back, unnoticed by the interlocked couple in their wake. A soft moan escaped as felt the soft chill of a crucifix digging into her neck. 

Maybe God would forgive her for this. Just once.

[jasperwhitcock]

For each of the four books in the original saga, you get to insert the F bomb in one (1) sentence Edward utters in the presence of a lady. Which sentences do you choose?

my submissions for twilight:

- A word I’d never said before in the presence of a lady slid between my clenched teeth. “Motherfucker!”

- “And so the lion fell in love with the fucking lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic fucking lion.”

- “You are my fucking life now.”

- “Don't be fucking self-conscious, if I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it.”

- finding Bella in the ballet studio: “I heard myself screaming Carlisle’s name, but he was already there, kneeling in the blood on her other side fuck.”

my submissions for new moon:

- "You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

“Fuck no.”

my submissions for eclipse:

- “Would you please stop trying to take your fucking clothes off?”

- “I may not be a human, but I am a fucking man.” 

- “Isabella fucking Swan?” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. “I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”

breaking dawn:

- “You're awfully small to be so fucking irritating.” 

-  “We’re going to get that fucking thing out.”

[sangre]

tagged: @roberthouses​ tagged everyone so i stole this 🥰

i tag: @kirkewrites @kaxbrekker @tactician @the-lovely-lady-luck @cass1x1 @divinacommedia @gaytaurus @felixcarlucci @nicodiangelc @andybvb​ hi :)

Name/Nickname: bree, breezy, [redacted]

Gender: fluid (he/his pronouns+titles only unless we’re really close though.)

Star Sign: taurus sun, aries moon, capricorn rising 💘

Height: 5′6″

Time: 3:56 pm

Birthday: april 28th

Favorite Bands: blaenavon, placebo, slenderbodies, glass animals, the crane wives, my chemical romónce in no specific order

Favorite Artists: unlike pluto, aurelio voltaire, cosmo sheldrake, serpentwithfeet, sevdaliza, bad bunny... I THINK? i don’t ever really keep track if ppl are a whole band or just one person i had to google all these HSDBSKHD unless it means like Painting artists or smth. if so.... you got me. i have NO idea

Last Movie: definitely some bonkers lifetime movie my grandma was watching about a girl coming back to enact revenge on her mom or something i saw like the last 15 minutes

Last Show: i watched a short nat geo thing called sharks vs dolphins blood battle lol 

When Did I Create This Blog: sept 2017 but i’ve been on this stupid site since i was 13 in high school so.. idk. that’s how you know evil won

What do I post: whatever.... come on in and i can show you more... about this world :)

Last thing googled: courtney eaton... SBHDHSBDSDLKM i just wanted to remember what her face looked like

Other blogs: just @sorey where i post more game or anime stuff 

Why I chose my url: it’s BLOOD baby!

Average hours of sleep: 7 or 8 and if i get any less i’m literally bonkers

Lucky number: i'm gonna say 19 bc that’s the minute i was born on! 

What Am I Wearing: workout fit i am too lazy to get out of. t shirt and leggings 

Dream Job: Friend to sea creatures. and lambs. Person who exists

Dream Trip: venice T_T @kirkewrites come on 🍷💃💃🍷

Favorite Food: pork tamales w just So much salsa, steamed rice w carnitas, [gargling] habanero chicken..... , spicy chicken anything rly. and beef ravioli with tomato basil from this place near my house...

Nationality: american

Favorite Song: currently: minotaur forgiving theseus by moonface & spencer krug. all time favorite song is the original version of swans by blaenavon. 

Last Book Read: how the king of elfhame learned to hate stories by holly black

Top Three Fictional Universes I’d Like to Live In: atlantica the little mermaid / any harvest moon world / pokemon world \o/

[balletroyale]

Asked and Answered: Everything

If you had to assign 2-3 ballets to your favourite dancers at the ROH, what would they be?

I’ll try to stick to my top three male and women. 

Women: 

Marianela Nunez: Don Quixote, Sleeping Beauty, Diamonds in Jewels

Natalia Osipova: Onegin, Don Quixote

Sarah Lamb: Manon, Mayerling

Men: 

Steven McRae: Mayerling, The Dream

Alexander Campbell: Dances at a Gathering, Coppelia

Vadim Muntagirov: Swan Lake, The Sleeping Beauty, Giselle

Hello. I was watching the Vaganova 2019 Acting Exam Video 8/III-A on Youtube. I was really impressed by Dmitri Sobolev and Viktoria Kolisnikova's duo performance. I wanted to watch them more in action. Dmitri does have a few solo performances here and there but I've never seen Viktoria anywhere else performing solo. What do you think of her?Shes also not as popular as the rest of her classmates like Alexandra Khiteeva or even Svetlana Savalieva.

I don’t know if I’m stupid or something, but I searched and could not find this video anywhere. Additionally, I don’t really follow students unless it’s in the graduation performance. 

Why dont you like Lauren Cuthbertson? asking because I dont really enjoy watching her either but I can never quite place why, she somehow is just so boring...

I think that’s it. She’s just somewhat boring. Her technique is on and everything, but I don’t feel a real connection to roles and don’t find that she brings a unique flair to her roles. It’s very precise and not very passionate.  

God did Fateyev do anything again??? Or is this just in comparison to Savin’s promotion?

Yes! THAT was unexpected. 

What’s going on at the mariinsky thats lowering your opinion of Fateyev?

The promotions/”veneration” of Nuikina, Khoreva, Nagahisa, Parish, Shapran and probably others. 

After watching the livestream, I had never seen Cesar Corrales before but I was super underwhelmed. Something about him seemed wrong to me. Him and Hayward did not look well together. She was beautiful in the role but he seemed uncomfortable when doing lifts and I don’t know they just didn’t go well together which was super disappointing because I LOVE her and it’s one of my favorite pas de deux, so I hate that I didn’t enjoy it.

It’s weird that they’re in a relationship and yet don’t seem to have much chemistry onstage, isn’t it? I’m not sure about him either. I was extremely underwhelmed when I saw him do the bluebird in the Sleeping Beauty, especially as you could hear him panting? I think he doesn’t quite have characterization down at this point, and thinks that going as fast and hard as possible is best. It’s not the RB style but I hope he matures as he could be quite good. 

You mentioned there were ballerinas at the Mariinsky and Bolshoi who were true stars versus the instagram stars. Who are the true stars in your opinion at those companies?

(When I talk about this, I’m almost always talking about Khoreva) 

Mariinsky: Kondaurova, Tereshkina, Kim, Novikova, Shakirova

Bolshoi: Obraztsova, Krysanova, Shipulina, Lantratov, Lopatin, Ovcharenko

In your post about KM you mentioned she has a serious condition that affects her dancing. What condition is it? I knew she had hypothyroidism and that in itself does not affect dancing. Is there something else?

She’s stated she has Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Also even though hypothyroidism doesn’t directly affect anything to do with dancing, as someone with a hormone disorder, they can make living a healthy life (such as one necessary for dancing) very difficult