#✖ 「OOC.」━ HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND

[armourheld]

do you guys ever think about how reiner brauns biggest need was to be liked and admired so bad that he just essentially gave up like his whole life story & let his mind change him into a pretty different person just because he was liked by the people when he was like that ? do you guys think that every time he remembered being a soldier as a warrior he felt utmost guilt because it would make his heart sore every time. do you ever think of how he refers to himself as a half assed piece of shit even before the 4 year time skip because he knows how bad his goals are & how he should change but he doesn’t because HE JUST LIKES TO BE LIKED & how it was one of his strongest problems when you don't include the dissociation. do you ever think about how much he regrets the days but how much he still loved them deep down and he feels so guilty & broken & he is so torn & he feels so bad & how much I wanna hug this boy I'm emotional good fucking bye.

[armourheld]

mhm anyways i hope everyone knows that today has not been a good day for reiners mental wellbeing ( the full marco death scene released on sunday (?).  & then chapter 100. ) but tomorrow im finally gonna tackle that dissociation meta :)

[armourheld]

.okay but what do people think erens touch did ??

[armourheld]

anyways... do u ever wonder if the words reiner would tell other people & that lot were the words he craved to hear as a child... & were told by marcel who essentially became his idol bc he gave them to him....

[armourheld]

i... feel weightless right now...

[armourheld]

Am I allowed to headcanon that Reiner is the one out of the 104th to put the Angel / Star on the tree ? Cause if not, oops, it's a thing now.

[armourheld]

we arrived into our holiday stay today and the plants are gorgeous 🌵🍃

[armourheld]

sb: reiner deserves pain !! he’s a badddyy !!111!!!!11!

reiner:

[armourheld]

okay but honestly smth that fucks me up is chapter 100 has been planned for so fucking long... isayama has known all thats going to happen to all the muses for ages & god holy fu ck! while the fandom looked at reiner from mixed opinions isayama probably knew that reiner was gonna develop pt.sd & experience all this pain from earlier chapters n idk whether to laugh or cry at this discovery because holy shit why.

[armourheld]

hey, don’t think about reiner brauns relationship w/ that one blade:

don’t think about reiner as a child accidentally slicing his palm with a knife only to gain his mothers utmost attention & happiness.  don’t think of her holding his bloody palm & telling him it’s all part of being a warrior & when he becomes an honourary marleyan wounds like that will just heal.

don’t think about reiner watching the previous shifters shift using their hands & getting so exited when it’s his turn, only to find out when he bites it just hurts - even though he’s full of intention & he has done all the write procedures. 

don’t talk to me about him recieving the first blade - something small & tiny & something a child SHOULDN’T be holding & insisting it will do much more damage then his teeth - already seeing how weak he could be. 

don’t think about reiners mother giving him a knife a week later as she beams up at him & tells him it’s nothing to worry about. how she teaches him to hold it properly as a weapon, willingly letting her son slice his own palm in front of her with a smile on her face. 

don’t think about reiner thinking of how important the blade is.

don’t think about the day the wall fell down, how being this whole new figure ( more importantly marcel ), made reiner believe he didn’t need a blade. causing a near mistake by ready to chuck it far away. how he actually ends up picking it up two seconds later. efficiently turning. 

don’t think about how he buries it under his pillow every night until he joins the training corps. 

don’t think about reiners explicitly good combat skills with a knife half the time, & how the rest of the time he’s not very good - the soldier not being able to master the skills at the same level because he’s so new & suddenly inexperienced to the whole thing.

don’t think about annie in chapter 17 & how she came up to reiner after he failed a knife task. 

don’t think about reiners first experience with the official odm blades.

don’t think about reiner excelling with them in his training years - something shadis found more important than odm skill like jean & bertolt had, how it put reiner high above the both of them pretty easily. 

don’t think about how reiners first joke in trost was to “ shove blades up titans assholes ”, & how he sounded so confident about it. how he even completed the action as to emphasise his point, with not the happiest of audiences involved.

don’t think about how reiners attack on a titan was only a few seconds after mikasa’s own - how he didn’t use his blades up at all & all of him seemed fairly intact. 

don’t think about reiner getting his stuff checked and the blades being sufficiently clean.

don’t think about reiner having such a good ability with the blades that he was able to, while having his head crushed, write something between RR to right rank to inform annie of just exactly where eren was located, while near enough dying mind you.

don’t think about how this post is too long and i will be making another one later bc i am tired of writing “ don’t think about ”

step 2: fail all the don’t think abouts.

[armourheld]

but honestly whenever I see stuff like this I get super sad because no offence I feel like the fandom is so obsessed with reiner being the bad guy they forget how much of a complicated character he is. he’s not just some bad guy having fun for the kicks of it he’s a villain who holds a mental illness in which has negative viewpoints & makes him believe something different from his “ villain “ persona but so many people like to conveniently look over that for the sake of uwu villain man who betrayed everyone.

I'm not here to be like you have to like reiner, & I'm not here to make people see him as a good guy - what I'm here for is some more respect for reiner who is suffering from BPD / DID & ptsd at one whole point on a website that’s supposed to be so PRO towards mental illnesses. the same people who are saying that they are grateful for whats happening to him are the same that expect triggers to be tagged etc. where does your respect end ? the mans FACED WITH HIS EXACT TRIGGER ! AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS LAUGH AT HIS REGRETS / TRIGGERS ! You can’t tell me, to my OWN face, that you respect that shit when you’re just so happy to see someone put on a state of a mental breakdown.

the worst thing is, is that if one hand of the fandom is doin that, the other just wants to sexualise & ship it ??? like man I have a whole LOT to say about e.ren / r.einer & honestly ?? the lowline is its disgusting. I don't think shippers of that ship respect reiners character, especially when you’re just shipping him with the guy who instead of giving him a hot yaoiz boner like in your heads, made him want to put a gun to his head. so sorry, I'm so pissed off with this blatant disrespect of reiner brauns illness in terms of this & it’s just !!!!! FUCK. please respect this man more ! ITS NOT NICE TO SEE THIS STUFF IN THE TAGS, OKAY?

[armourheld]

sb: hahah I'm so GLAD eren came back to fuck reiners life up!! me: ...fuck you, steven.

[armourheld]

STARTER CALL: i will be choosing basically everything with this call in terms of personality / alter etc because i don’t have the energy to ask people what they want in IM’s, especially after previous incidents. this will be mutuals only & the starters may take some time to get out because of my busy schedule !! the length, genre etc will vary between muse & scenario, but will possibly end up long, as those are my favourite types of threads. they will most likely contain themes of dissociation or something of a gory nature, as i will not hold back on it. if you have anything specific that you NEED. please address it with me, thank you !!  ♥

[armourheld]

PSA: okay, so here’s the delio. The SNK wiki has decided to label reiners condition as Borderline Personality Disorder instead of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Now, I’ve spent the whole day looking this up, & even if this does mean going canon divergent, I am still gonna label with DID, but also take into account the BPD. Many people are / can be diagnosed with both, so this is just something I have to add onto my portrayal as a whole. For anyone who helped me with this, thank you !! I was so worried I was gonna have to rewrite everything I’ve written in the past & it was stressing me. out.

[armourheld]

WOAH OKAY CAN WE JUST FOR A SECOND THINK ABOUT HOW BETRAYED REINER MUST BE FEELING RIGHT NOW. ABOUT HOW HIS GOALS WERE JUST MERELY A LIE... HOW HE WAS FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF HIS HANDS... HOW, ACTUALLY, HE LOST 3 OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS TO A CAUSE THAT WASN’T EVEN RIGHT, WHEN HE PROMISED THEM HE’D GET HOME. REINER BRAUN NOW HAS TO LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF ALL THE PAIN HE CAUSED KILLING PEOPLE WASN’T PROPERLY NEEDED AND IM SO FUCKING UPSET RIGHT NOW !!!!!