#♡ jeonghan | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeyhae-svt · 4 months ago

Note

hiii, I love your works so much and I couldn't help but to read them over and over! so may I please req actor reader x actor jeonghan but if you don't want to do it it's fine it's up to you but if you're going to do it I'm going to thank you very much!, ily🤍

Second Lead, First Choice

Yoon Jeonghan x F!Reader

Genre: smut, actor x actor, second lead x male lead, rivals to lovers(?), fake friends, unrequited love, jealousy, angst, dark romance, modern au, slowburn, toxic relationships, obsession, manipulation, betrayal, power imbalance, nsfw (18+), forbidden romance, possessive behavior, softdom!jeonghan, sub!reader, fluff (?), revenge, and emotional turmoil. (minors are NOT welcome. stay out.) warnings: explicit smut (18+), obsessive behavior, manipulation, mild dub-con, filming without consent (non-public), unhealthy relationships, slowburn tension, power dynamics, jealousy, angst-heavy themes, dark plot twists, possessive behavior, and mentions of betrayal. smut warnings: explicit sexual content, public/semi-public sex, fingering, vaginal penetration, oral fixation (kissing, biting), dom/sub dynamics (soft dom jeonghan, sub reader), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, slight breeding kink implications (mentions of cumming inside), slight cockwarming, mild praise kink ("good girl"), use of dirty talk, mentions of squirting and unproctected sex (wrap that boner !!) preview: You never expected to find yourself locking horns with Yoon Jeonghan, the nation’s beloved leading man. Being cast as the second lead was bad enough, but sharing the screen—and off-camera moments—with him tests every ounce of your patience. Jeonghan is intoxicating, infuriating, and far too good at blurring the lines between acting and reality. His touch lingers longer than it should, his whispers send shivers down your spine, and his smirk hides secrets you’re desperate to uncover. But behind the glamour lies a dark game of power, manipulation, and obsession that threatens to unravel everything you’ve worked for. It was never just about the spotlight—or even revenge. Now, every glance, every word, and every forbidden kiss carries consequences neither of you are ready to face. wc: 7773 a/n: im sorry it took me months to finish ! i hope i make it up to you by this, and please do enjoy. (i write too many stuffs before getting to the real stuffs. sorry not sorry lmao) THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING !

"CUT!" the director's voice boomed across the set, signaling the end of the take. Jeonghan pulled back from the female lead, Hye-soo, his face carefully neutral despite the exhaustion tugging at his features. He tried not to grimace as he stepped away, running a hand through his styled hair. The bright lights, the endless retakes, and the physical closeness—it was all too much for him today.

On the sidelines, you sat perched on a folding chair, clapping your hands softly in a show of support. "Good work!" you called out cheerfully, your voice cutting through the hum of the bustling set. You'd wrapped your own scene hours ago, but instead of heading home to rest, you stayed to watch him.

Jeonghan noticed you immediately. It didn't matter that there were dozens of people milling about—his gaze found yours like a magnet. And for the first time all day, he felt a flicker of relief. If only you were the female lead. If only it were you standing in front of the camera with him, sharing the screen and the story. The thought had crossed his mind far too often, lingering in ways he wasn't sure he could hide anymore.

He walked toward you, his usual easygoing smile faltering at the edges. It was subtle, but you caught it. Even through his perfectly sculpted persona, you could tell he wasn't feeling his best.

"You did well," you said when he reached you, your voice softer now. Your hand lightly brushed against his as you stood, the gesture so casual and natural that no one else might have noticed. But he did.

Jeonghan looked at you, his heart thudding a little harder at the warmth in your expression. You were smiling sweeter than usual—just a tiny shift, but enough to send his thoughts spinning. He knew that look, the way your eyes sparkled when you wanted something.

Without saying a word, he took your hand, holding it for just a second longer than necessary before his lips curved into a faint smirk. "You're too nice to me," he teased lightly, though his voice was quieter than usual.

"You deserve it," you replied simply, squeezing his hand.

Jeonghan tilted his head slightly, leaning just enough so that your faces were closer. His voice dropped lower, almost conspiratorial. "You're the main character of my life," he murmured, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

The confession hung in the air, delicate and fragile, but he didn't give you the chance to respond. Instead, he gently tugged you by the wrist, leading you toward a nearby hallway where the noise of the set faded into the background.

He pushed open the door to an empty dressing room and pulled you inside, your lips quirked into a small grin as you cast a glance over your shoulder. There, just outside the hallway, you caught sight of Hye-soo, her expression a mixture of irritation and disbelief as she watched Jeonghan whisk you away, before he shut the door softly behind you.

The satisfaction was instant, your grin widening as you turned your attention back to Jeonghan. His eyes searched yours, an unspoken question lingering in their depths.

"Someone's jealous," you whispered, a playful lilt in your tone.

"Let her be," Jeonghan replied, his gaze dropping briefly to where your hand still rested against his arm. "I only care about you."

Jeonghan caught your lips into a deep, deep kiss. His hands finding your waist, kissing you hungrily like he's never before. You gladly let him, kissing back with precision, catching up with his desperate kisses.

Four months ago, the welcoming party was an elaborate spectacle where actors who are casted and crews, glittering lights and clinking glasses, an unspoken contest of charisma and charm playing out in every corner of the opulent ballroom. Jeonghan stood near the director, his expression schooled into polite interest as Hye-soo's melodic laughter rang out beside him. She had been holding court all evening, effortlessly drawing attention to herself, her hand resting possessively on Jeonghan's arm like it was her rightful place.

But Jeonghan barely noticed her.

From the moment you stepped into the room, late enough to make an entrance but not so late as to be rude, his attention was a prisoner to your presence. You hadn't done anything dramatic—there was no sweeping motion or grand gesture. It was simply the way you carried yourself. The flow of your dress, the way it seemed to move with you like an extension of your being. The quiet confidence in your steps, your head held high but your smile understated, as if you knew you didn't need to demand attention; it came to you on its own.

It wasn't just beauty—though you had that in spades. It was something deeper, more magnetic. A natural ease, the kind of charisma that didn't shout for recognition but instead whispered for it, softly and irresistibly.

Jeonghan felt it before he could stop himself—the tightening of his chest, the way his eyes betrayed him by seeking you out even as Hye-soo leaned closer, brushing her arm against his as she spoke. He forced a polite laugh, nodding at whatever she was saying, but his focus was across the room.

And you, as if sensing his gaze, looked up.

Your eyes met his, and for a brief moment, the noise of the ballroom faded into nothingness. You didn't smile right away; you just held his gaze, the faintest quirk of your lips following as though you knew exactly what you were doing to him. It was infuriating, how effortlessly you dismantled his composure with nothing but a look.

Hye-soo's hand on his arm tightened, her laugh becoming just a touch louder as if trying to pull him back. But Jeonghan's thoughts were already elsewhere, his mind circling a question that had been nagging him since the cast list was announced.

Why were you the second lead?

You had everything—beauty that could silence a room, talent that elevated every scene you touched, and a presence so commanding it didn't just complement a story; it shaped it. He'd even asked the director about it once, in a moment of unguarded curiosity.

"She's too perfect," the director had said, a bemused smile on his face. "We needed someone who could challenge stereotypes. Beauty isn't everything, and we're trying to show that. It's about balance, Jeonghan. She's our second lead because she'll redefine what it means to be one."

At the time, Jeonghan had accepted the explanation. It even made sense—logically. But now, watching you glide through the room like you owned it, he couldn't shake the thought that the story needed you at its heart.

As the evening wore on, his fascination deepened. He wasn't the only one who noticed you, of course. By the time he'd taken a sip of his champagne, you were already surrounded. First, a well-known photographer approached, gesturing animatedly as you listened with that soft, knowing smile of yours. Then a manager from a major modeling agency joined the conversation, their posture deferential despite their stature in the industry.

You handled it all with ease, laughing lightly here, tilting your head thoughtfully there, your charisma weaving a web that no one seemed able to resist. Jeonghan felt something strange stir within him—a mixture of pride, admiration, and something heavier, something unfamiliar.

"You should go talk to her," the director said suddenly, his voice breaking through Jeonghan's thoughts.

Jeonghan blinked, glancing at the older man. "What?"

"You've been staring all night," the director said with a chuckle, clapping him on the shoulder. "Might as well make an introduction."

Before Jeonghan could protest, the director was already leading him across the room. Hye-soo followed, her expression tight as she trailed behind, her earlier ease replaced with something sharper.

When they reached you, the director spoke your name warmly, introducing Jeonghan with a familiarity that suggested he'd been waiting for this moment. You turned to face Jeonghan fully, and for the second time that night, his world narrowed to just you.

"It's nice to finally meet you," you said, your voice smooth and melodic, the kind that lingered in the air even after the words had faded.

Jeonghan opened his mouth to respond, but for a brief, embarrassing moment, nothing came out. You smiled at that, a real smile this time, not the polite ones you'd been giving all evening. It was a little crooked, a little playful, and it hit him harder than he wanted to admit.

"Likewise," he managed, his voice quieter than intended.

Hye-soo stepped forward then, her smile a touch too bright, her hand reaching out to touch your arm as she offered some polite compliment. You accepted it graciously, your demeanor unchanging, but Jeonghan saw the way your eyes flickered—sharp, assessing, taking in every detail of her performance.

He didn't know what passed between you in that silent exchange, but when your gaze shifted back to him, something about your expression had changed. It was softer, more amused, like you'd already decided he wasn't worth sharing.

And for the first time that night, Jeonghan smiled—a real one, small and almost shy, but real. Because for reasons he couldn't yet explain, he wanted nothing more than to be worthy of the attention you'd just given him.

The door to the dressing room clicked shut behind you, the muffled chaos of the set fading into a distant hum. Jeonghan's gaze was dark and focused, his usual easygoing demeanor replaced by something more raw, more consuming. You barely had time to catch your breath before his hands found your waist, pulling you flush against him as his lips claimed yours with a fervor that sent your head spinning.

It was a whirlwind—a blur of heat and longing. His fingers slid under the fabric of your top, skimming the bare skin beneath, his touch both electrifying and soothing. You gasped against his lips, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, anchoring yourself to him as your knees threatened to give out. Jeonghan was gorgeous, unbearably so, and in moments like these, he felt almost unreal.

Your heart pounded wildly, each beat echoing in your ears. It was impossible to reconcile this moment with the doubts you'd carried when you first met him. Back then, you thought he'd barely notice you, that someone like Jeonghan—dazzling, untouchable—would never look at you twice. Yet here you were, his hands roaming your body like he couldn't get enough, his lips moving against yours like you were the air he needed to breathe.

You broke away for a moment, your chest heaving as you tried to steady yourself. But Jeonghan didn't let you get far. His hands tightened around your waist, pulling you back as his lips hovered over yours, the soft warmth of his breath brushing against your skin.

"I can't let her lips stay on mine too long," he murmured, his voice low and rough, a stark contrast to the teasing words. His nose brushed against yours as he leaned in closer, his lips grazing yours lightly before retreating just enough to make you ache for more.

A soft laugh escaped your lips, your fingers threading through his hair as you tilted his face toward yours. "I'll wash them off for you, my love," you whispered, your voice thick with both playfulness and desire. The words barely had time to settle between you before you captured his lips again, pulling him into a kiss that was deeper, hungrier, more desperate than before.

Your tongues tangled in a rhythm that felt instinctual, a dance of passion and unspoken words. His hands roamed freely, tracing the curve of your spine, brushing against the sensitive skin of your waist, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You shivered under his touch, your body pressing closer to his as if proximity alone could satisfy the yearning that consumed you.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Jeonghan whispered against your lips, his voice trembling just enough to reveal the depth of his emotions. His hands found your hips, gripping them firmly as his forehead pressed against yours. "You drive me insane."

A blush crept up your neck, heat pooling in your chest as you tried to catch your breath. "I could say the same about you," you replied, your voice breathless but steady, your eyes searching his. "You're impossible."

He smirked, that familiar glint of mischief returning to his gaze. "Impossible, huh?" His lips brushed the corner of your mouth, his hands slipping to the small of your back, pulling you impossibly closer. "You're the one who walked into my life and flipped everything upside down."

You wanted to respond, to tease him back, but the intensity in his eyes silenced you. It was a look that made your chest tighten, a look that spoke of feelings too complex to put into words. So instead, you kissed him again, pouring everything you couldn't say into the way your lips moved against his, the way your hands clung to him like he was your lifeline.

Minutes passed, maybe hours—it was impossible to tell. All you knew was the warmth of his touch, the softness of his lips, the way his presence consumed every inch of your awareness. For a fleeting moment, nothing else mattered. Not the set outside, not the chaos of your lives, not even the knowledge that this would complicate everything.

In this room, in his arms, it was just the two of you. And that was enough.

The two of you stepped out of the dressing room, the air between you still charged with the remnants of your stolen moment. Jeonghan's hair was slightly tousled, his lips swollen and redder than usual, while your soft pink lipstick was now smudged, leaving just enough evidence for the curious stares around the set. The whispers were immediate.

It didn't take long for someone to notice, and of course, it had to be Hye-soo. Her eyes darted between you and Jeonghan, narrowing with an intensity that made her look like she was plotting to leap and attack you. She clenched her jaw, her entire body radiating frustration. You, however, were perfectly unbothered.

Pausing mid-step, you turned to Jeonghan and tugged him gently by the arm, making him face you. With the utmost care (and an intentional touch of theatrics), you reached up to fix his disheveled hair.

"You're such a mess," you said playfully, brushing his bangs into place.

Jeonghan smirked, leaning down to your level as if he couldn't resist getting closer. "And whose fault is that?" he teased, swiping his thumb over your lips to clean up the smudged lipstick. The gesture was tender, but there was a flicker of something mischievous in his eyes as he added, "If you're trying to make a statement, you're doing a phenomenal job."

You glanced over your shoulder, catching sight of Hye-soo, who looked seconds away from exploading. "Putting on a show?" Jeonghan whispered, his hands finding your waist like it was second nature.

"Maybe," you replied with a sly smile, purposefully glancing in Hye-soo's direction. The minute your gaze met hers, her expression darkened, and she stormed out of the studio with a huff loud enough to make the crew turn and stare.

Jeonghan chuckled lowly, watching her retreat. "You're dangerous, you know that?"

You shrugged nonchalantly, turning back to him with a lighthearted grin. "Honestly? This isn't even about her anymore. It's about us." You punctuated your words with a quick kiss to his cheek, then pulled away before he could pull you back in.

Just as Jeonghan opened his mouth to respond, the unmistakable sound of someone clearing their throat cut through the air. The two of you turned, and there stood the director, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowing in disapproval.

"Woah," Jeonghan said, feigning surprise as he chuckled nervously. "How long have you been standing there, sir?"

"Long enough," the director replied, visibly irritated. "You two shouldn't be doing this in the middle of the studio. Get a room, will you?"

You suppressed a laugh, but Jeonghan, ever the troublemaker, grinned and replied, "We already did."

Your elbow jabbed him sharply in the stomach before he could elaborate further. "Ow!" he yelped, doubling over slightly, though he was still smirking.

The director pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly like a parent scolding unruly children. "Do you two have any idea how much trouble this could cause for the production? I can already see the headlines: 'Male lead Yoon Jeonghan and second lead Y/N caught in scandalous affair!'" His tone was exasperated, though slightly melodramatic.

That was the final straw—you burst out laughing, the sound bright and carefree, echoing through the studio. Jeonghan froze, his gaze softening as he watched you. His irritation melted away entirely, replaced by a warmth that made him forget anyone else existed.

Your laughter was infectious, and even the director blinked, momentarily disarmed. The entire crew, who had paused to watch the scene unfold, also seemed captivated. It wasn't just Jeonghan who adored you—you had the entire set under your spell.

Jeonghan caught the lingering stares from some of the staff and cast members, their admiration for you clear as day. His expression darkened almost comically, his gaze sweeping the room as if to warn everyone, Back off—she's mine.

Finally regaining his composure, the director shook his head. "You're impossible," he muttered. "If this blows up, I'm blaming you two."

Smiling sweetly, you clasped your hands together like a picture of innocence. "We'll make sure that never happens, our best director-nim," you said, your voice as soothing as a lullaby. Somehow, even the director, who moments ago had been fuming, softened under your charm.

Jeonghan leaned in, muttering under his breath just loud enough for you to hear, "You could get away with murder if you wanted to."

You bit back a grin, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. "Only if you're my partner in crime."

The air outside the studio felt heavy, the crisp breeze doing little to soothe your frayed nerves. You excused yourself from Jeonghan and the director, feigning the need for a breath of fresh air when, in truth, you were looking for her—Hye-soo. She'd been haunting your thoughts ever since the shoot began, her presence always a bitter reminder of the tangled history you shared. You weren't sure what you expected from this conversation, but you had to try. You always had to try.

You found her near the corner of the lot, scrolling on her phone with an air of detachment. Her perfectly styled hair caught the golden light, making her look like the picture-perfect heroine she was cast to be. The sight of her still brought a pang of nostalgia, even after everything. For a moment, you hesitated. Was this worth it? Would she even listen?

"Hye-soo," you called out, your voice steady but soft.

She turned, her expression cool and guarded the moment she saw you. "What do you want?" she asked, her tone sharp enough to cut.

"I just want to talk," you replied, taking a cautious step forward. "Can we please—can we try to fix this? Whatever happened between us, I—"

"Fix this?" she scoffed, lowering her phone to give you her full attention. Her eyes blazed with an anger you hadn't expected. "You think you can fix this? After everything?"

"I've been trying to," you said, your voice trembling slightly. "I've tried to reach out to you, to explain—"

"To explain what? That you're not guilty of anything? That you didn't go behind my back and let people pit us against each other?" She laughed bitterly. "You don't get it, do you? This isn't something you can just apologize for."

Your chest tightened, the weight of her words settling like a stone. "I never wanted any of that. I hated the comparisons, the rumors—it wasn't my fault. You were my best friend, Hye-soo. I didn't ask for any of this."

"And yet, here you are," she snapped, crossing her arms. "The second lead, with Jeonghan wrapped around your finger. Isn't that enough for you?"

Her words stung, but you held your ground. "This isn't about him. It's about us—about how we used to be. Don't you miss that?"

Hye-soo's expression faltered for a moment, a flicker of something soft and familiar crossing her face before it hardened again. "If you want to make it up to me," she said coldly, "then break up with him."

Her demand hit you like a slap. You stared at her, stunned, your heart racing as your blood began to boil. "That's not fair, and you know it," you said, your voice low and trembling with emotion.

"Fair?" she echoed, taking a step closer. "Nothing about this has ever been fair. You were handed everything—"

"I earned it!" you shot back, cutting her off. "You think my life has been easy? That I didn't work for every single thing I have? You know that's not true."

She glared at you, her jaw tightening before she turned on her heel and walked away without another word. You stood there, your chest heaving, your emotions swirling in a chaotic storm.

The memory of her retreating figure lingered as you stared into the distance, your hands balled into fists at your sides. The bitterness between you two hadn't always existed. Once upon a time, Hye-soo was your everything.

The flashback crept in like an unwelcome guest, bringing with it the bittersweet memory of your early days in the industry.

Back then, Hye-soo had been your anchor, your partner-in-crime. You two had been inseparable, bonded over sneaking snacks during strict diets and whispering secrets late into the night. She was the person you looked up to, admired, maybe even loved in a way that you didn't fully understand at the time.

She had always been magnetic—bright, charming, and full of life. It was impossible not to be drawn to her. And for a while, things had been perfect. Until the comparisons started.

It wasn't your fault. At least, that's what you told yourself. You couldn't control how the managers and producers favored you, how they praised your acting skills and visuals. But the more they built you up, the more they tore her down.

At first, Hye-soo acted like it didn't bother her. She'd laugh it off, telling you it was fine, that she didn't care. But you knew her too well. You saw the cracks in her facade, the way her smile didn't quite reach her eyes anymore.

You tried to confront her, to assure her that you didn't want the comparisons either, but the rumors had already started. Whispers about you sleeping with managers and producers to secure your roles spread like wildfire. It was cruel, baseless, and you hated every second of it. But the damage was done.

Hye-soo began pulling away, her warmth replaced by icy indifference. And then, when this project came along, you both fought for the spot. You knew she wanted the role for Jeonghan's sake—her feelings for him were no secret. But no amount of her family's wealth or influence could erase the connection you and Jeonghan had. Even as the second lead, you'd won a part of him that she never could.

The sound of footsteps snapped you back to the present. Turning, you saw Jeonghan approaching, his expression unreadable. He must have seen Hye-soo leaving—or rather, storming away.

He stopped in front of you, his gaze searching your face for answers. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, though the tightness in your chest said otherwise. "She doesn't want to talk."

Jeonghan's jaw tightened slightly, but he didn't press. Instead, he reached out, his hand brushing against your arm in silent comfort.

"I told you this would happen," you admitted quietly, your voice trembling. "That being with me would make everything worse."

Jeonghan shook his head, his gaze softening. "It's not your fault. None of this is."

For a moment, the weight of everything—the past, the present, the impossible tangle of emotions—felt a little lighter. With Jeonghan by your side, you felt a flicker of hope.

"She said I should break up with you," you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper.

"And?" Jeonghan asked, his lips curving into a faint smile.

You looked at him, your heart aching with the intensity of how much you loved him. "That's not an option."

Jeonghan's smile deepened, and there was a warmth in his eyes that made the air around you feel a little less suffocating. He took a small step closer, his presence grounding you in a way you couldn't fully explain. "Good. Because she's not the one you need to be worrying about right now."

You let out a shaky breath, glancing down at the ground for a moment, trying to gather yourself. It was hard to look at Jeonghan without feeling both a sense of relief and a twinge of guilt. Hye-soo's words kept echoing in your mind—If you want to make it up to me, break up with him—but you had already made your choice.

Looking back up at him, you smiled faintly. "I don't know what I expected, honestly. She's changed. We've changed. I never thought it would come to this."

Jeonghan's fingers brushed against your cheek, his touch so gentle that it almost felt like a promise. "Sometimes people change, but that doesn't mean you have to. You're not the person she's trying to make you out to be. Don't let her take away your peace."

His words were like a balm for the wound Hye-soo had left. You swallowed, feeling the weight on your chest slowly lift. Jeonghan was right—this wasn't your fault. But the pain of losing Hye-soo, of watching the bond you once shared with her unravel, still cut deeply.

"It's just... hard, you know? I never wanted to lose her." You looked up at him, your voice barely above a whisper. "But I don't think I can keep pretending that everything's okay when it's not."

Jeonghan's eyes softened even further, and he placed both hands on your shoulders, steadying you. "You don't have to pretend with me. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You've got me, always."

For a moment, there was silence between you two. The weight of the past few months—the rumors, the lies, the rivalry, the betrayal—hung thick in the air, but Jeonghan's presence made it feel bearable. He wasn't just standing by you; he was anchoring you, in a way only he could.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, his gaze not leaving yours. "The rumors, the truth... whatever you need to say, I'm here."

You swallowed again; your throat tight with the emotions you'd kept hidden for so long. "I don't want to drag you into it... but it feels like everything I've worked for has been overshadowed by rumors that I can't control. I've done everything by the book, Jeonghan. I've worked so hard to get here, and now it feels like everyone's just waiting for me to fall."

Jeonghan shook his head, his hands gently cupping your face as he forced you to meet his gaze. "Listen to me. I know who you are. I know what you've been through. And I know how much you've sacrificed to get to this point. Don't let anyone's words—especially hers—make you doubt that. You're not alone in this. I'm not going anywhere."

Tears welled in your eyes, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you let them fall. You didn't care. Not anymore. Not when Jeonghan was holding you like this, as if you mattered more than anything else in the world.

"I just... I feel like everything's falling apart," you whispered, your voice breaking. "Hye-soo, the rumors, even my own family. I don't know who to trust anymore."

Jeonghan's thumb gently wiped away a tear, his expression soft but unwavering. "You trust me. And I trust you."

You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes as the weight of everything seemed to melt away, if only for a moment. His words were like a quiet promise, a reassurance that despite all the chaos around you, there was one thing you could count on—him.

You finally opened your eyes again, meeting his gaze with renewed resolve. "I'm sorry, Jeonghan. For everything."

He smiled, the corners of his lips curving up in that familiar, reassuring way. "There's nothing to apologize for. We're in this together. You don't have to face it alone."

For a long moment, you simply stood there, enveloped in his warmth, the world outside fading away. Hye-soo, the rumors, the industry—they all seemed distant now. Because right here, in this moment, you had Jeonghan. And that was all that mattered.

A few days later, you found yourself once again in the studio, the weight of the past still lingering, but a quiet sense of peace settling within you. Jeonghan had been right there by your side every step of the way, offering unwavering support when things felt impossible.

The shoot was going smoother now, though the tension with Hye-soo was still palpable. She avoided you at every turn, and the coldness between you two lingered in the air like an unspoken challenge. But you no longer cared.

As you prepared for the next scene, Jeonghan leaned in close, his lips brushing your ear. "You're amazing, you know that?"

You turned to face him, surprised by the sincerity in his voice. "You really think so?"

"I know so," he said softly, his fingers brushing against your hand. "Don't ever forget that."

The connection between you two was undeniable. And in that moment, as you shared a quiet, knowing smile, you realized that everything else could fall away—but this, this bond, was something that would never break.

The sound of bustling voices fades as you and Jeonghan slip away from the chaos of the shoot, finding yourselves in a secluded, dimly lit lounge area. The atmosphere is heavy with the weight of unsaid words, the quiet hum of the room pressing down on you both. You're sitting close on the couch, but the space between you seems like miles. The room smells faintly of leather and wood, the faint scent of cologne lingering in the air from where Jeonghan leans in a little too close.

You both start talking about the shoot, trying to keep things light, but the tension is palpable. It's as if every word you speak makes the air thicker, more suffocating. You catch him glancing at your lips a few too many times, but each time you meet his gaze, you notice how his eyes darken, his pupils dilating just a little. The subtle but undeniable spark between you two has always been there. Today, it's dangerously close to setting everything on fire.

You reach for your glass of water, your hand brushing against his as you both move at the same time. It's subtle. An innocent touch. But the moment your skin makes contact with his, everything changes.

His fingers freeze for a split second, the warmth from his hand making your skin burn. You pull away instinctively, but the damage has already been done. The soft touch, the heat from his hand, lingers on your skin like an invisible brand. You swear you can still feel it even though the touch is long gone. Your heart skips a beat, your breath catching slightly in your throat as you glance up to meet his gaze.

His hand is still hovering near where you touched. His chest rises and falls in shallow breaths, as if trying to regain control of the situation. His lips part slightly as if he's about to say something, but no words come out. Instead, there's just a sharp, silent acknowledgment in his eyes.

The tension between you two is unbearable now.

Jeonghan shifts slightly in his seat, and his gaze flicks down to your lips for a fraction of a second. It's as if he can't help it. He swallows hard, his jaw tightening. It's clear he's fighting something—fighting the urge to pull you in, to kiss you, to close the space between you that feels too far apart.

You don't move, frozen in the moment, feeling your body heat up in ways you hadn't expected. His breath hitches as he leans just a little closer, his body language unmistakable. You can't ignore it any longer. The undeniable pull between you two has taken on a life of its own, and you're both powerless to resist it.

"Jeonghan..." You whisper his name like it's a question, but it comes out more like an invitation.

His breath catches again, his lips barely an inch from your ear. You feel the heat of his body close to yours, the warmth radiating off him, as he leans in even further, his breath hot against your skin. His lips graze the shell of your ear as he whispers softly, "Do you feel it too?" His voice is low, barely a whisper, but it sends a thrill through you.

You don't answer him with words. Instead, you let your body answer for you, shifting slightly toward him, tilting your head back just enough to give him the opening he's been waiting for.

Jeonghan's lips brush against your neck, soft at first, but with a slow, deliberate pressure that sends shivers down your spine. He's testing the waters, sensing the way your body reacts to his touch, and it's driving you crazy.

He grabs the glass of water you were holding, placing it back on the table without pulling away from you or your body.

His hand moves from the edge of the couch where it had been resting, coming to rest on your thigh. He doesn't move it at first, just leaves it there, the pressure of his hand causing your skin to burn beneath the fabric. It's a gentle touch, but you feel it deep in your core, your body reacting almost involuntarily.

You shift slightly, your breath quickening as you feel him slowly inch his hand further up your thigh, his fingers brushing the sensitive skin there. Every small movement from him feels like an invitation, and you can't resist anymore. You lean forward just slightly, your lips finding his in a kiss that's soft at first but quickly grows deeper, more desperate.

His hand slides from your thigh to your waist, pulling you closer as he kisses you harder. You can taste the urgency on his lips, the need that's been building for far too long now.

His other hand moves to the back of your neck, threading through your hair and gently pulling your head back, exposing your throat to him. His lips follow, trailing soft kisses down your neck, before they return to your lips in another searing kiss.

You can feel his heart beating against your chest, and you can't help but want more, the desire building between you two like a slow burn that's finally breaking through.

Jeonghan's lips pull away from yours for a brief moment, his breath coming in shallow gasps. "Are you sure?" he asks, his voice rough with desire. It's a question, but his eyes already tell you he's certain of the answer. He doesn't need to hear the words; he can see it in your eyes, the way you're looking at him, the way you're holding him closer.

You nod, your fingers gripping his shirt as you pull him back toward you. Your lips meet again, this time more fiercely, more urgently. You're both hungry for each other, the restraint that had held you back now gone.

Jeonghan's hands are everywhere—on your back, your hips, your legs. His touch is both gentle and possessive, as if he wants to savor every inch of you but also claim you as his own. You can't help but respond to his every move, every touch, your body betraying you as you lean into him, giving him more of yourself.

His lips find their way back to your neck, trailing kisses along your jaw and down to your collarbone. The way his lips feel against your skin, the pressure of his touch, sends waves of pleasure through you. His hand moves lower, resting on your waist before slipping under your shirt, his fingers brushing against your bare skin.

You gasp as his hand moves higher up to the inner of your thighs, and you spread your legs open, his touch insistent but slow, savoring every moment. His lips return to yours, and the kiss deepens, filled with the hunger and need that you've both been holding back for far too long.

He moves your skirt up, now feeling the wetness of your underwear. You muffled in between kisses, with Jeonghan swallowing your every moans. He pulled the fabric off your legs and buried his fingers deep into your cunt, his thumb running circles on your clit.

You shivered under his touch, his fingers working to stretch your already soaked cunt. He fucked your pussy with his fingers well that you were squirming under his touch, sounds escaping from your lips louder.

Jeonghan had to shut you up with him kissing your lips. Once you reached your high, cumming all over his fingers, he unbuttons his pants down and you can see the tip of his cock glimmering with precum. "I'm going to put it in, stay quiet this time."

You swallowed hard before nodding. He placed his cock on your clit, giving it a few rubbing before slowly inserting it fully in your cunt. "F- fuck..." He grunted, his head spinning because the way he slid in you almost too easily was too hard to miss. You covered your mouth, not risking being caught by someone again like the last time.

"J- Just put it in," you muffled out, but Jeonghan didn't listen.

"Can't have you begging me to stop later," he whispered, his fingers stretching you out, making it impossible to hold out your moans. Jeonghan just had to kiss your sounds—as much as he wants to hear you make those sounds of pleasure, he just can't. Well, not at a public space like this. It's possible that someone will eventually step in.

As he pulled his fingers out, he pulls his pants down just enough for his cock to be freed. It was long, and hard as ever. Jeonghan places the tip of his cock on your clit, rubbing it in your pussy before entering you fully.

You moaned, with Jeonghan trying to quiet you down. "Shhh... Damn it."

"I- W- wait," you muffled, your cunt twitching on his cock. "I can't." Jeonghan replied, moving his hips in slow thrusts. "Your walls are swallowing me whole. You're awesome."

His hips moved a little faster this time. You were breathless. Jeonghan has you pinned down on the couch, fucking you now roughly while you hold back the sounds from coming out of your mouth.

The sound of skin slapping, your pussy squirming and squelching when you meet his hard thrusts, and muffled moans filling the room. When your walls started to tighten around his dick, that's when he lets out grunts.

Jeonghan thrusted in your cunt, burying himself inside you like never before. He was fighting hard to meet his highs, and yours too.

You cum all over his dick before him, but that wasn't enough for him to pull away. He ran circles on your clit, his tongue all over your neck as he finally reaches his own high.

Cumming, he lifted your shirt as he took his hot load on your stomach. Your cunt glistened with your own fluids.

"You're amazing," Jeonghan says as he looked at the quivering mess underneath him. Your hair disheveled, cheeks all red looking so pretty like that.

You pushed him before straddling on his lap. "Let me take care of you," you muttered, kissing him immediately right afterwards, leaving him no room to respond.

Him already hard cock springs up again and leaks with precum as you fucked him with your soft thighs. His cock twitching as you rocked your hips back in forth. Rubbing yourself on his cock, hips shaking as you overstimulate yourself above him.

And that's when you finally entered him. Your eyes rolling to the back of your head as Jeonghan looked at you with awe.

He lifted your shirt, unclipped your bra as he finds your nipples, kissing and nipping on the sensitive skin there, making you let out a moan. He didn't stop you this time. Who cares if you get caught.

You finally bounced on him, making Jeonghan pant breathlessly. His eyes focused on the way your tits were bouncing before him so sinfully—he loved how you took control over him. Especially when he knew you wouldn't do something like this in a public space.

Jeonghan kissed your lips as you grind yourself further into his cock, reaching the depths of heaven. Jeonghan held your hips in place before cumming inside you, the mix of your cum and his blending perfectly as it coated your walls.

Your head fell down on Jeonghan's shoulder. Catching your breath as he clips your bra back, cleaning your messy body. His fingers moving to the soft of your hair as if to soothe you off.

"You did well," he whispered, planting a kiss on your cheek. He didn't let you pull away from his cock just yet. He wanted to feel your warmth covering his cock. Just by the feeling of your gummy, hot pussy made him hard again, and your tried to squirm away, but Jeonghan didn't let you.

He rocked your hips slowly as he grunted with lust. Moaning as he felt you pussy twitching. "J- Jeonghan... Wait..." You called out, finding his shoulder to bite into his shoulder as he moves you a little faster now.

"Last... one..." He muttered; his breathing heavy as he slides in your cunt a little rougher.

With a few more pounds and squirms, he finally cums in you again, with you passing out on his arms right after you squirted three times on his cock.

The room was heavy with the aftermath of passion, the air thick with warmth and the lingering scent of Jeonghan's cologne mixed with your own. Your body was draped against him, utterly spent, your breathing shallow as you rested in his arms. His hands traced lazy patterns along your bare back, his touch possessive, yet oddly tender. You felt the faint thrum of his heartbeat against your cheek, steady and unhurried, as if he had all the time in the world.

Jeonghan, finally contended, ran his fingers through your hair, lulling you deeper to sleep as he uses your pussy to warm his cock.

You barely registered his quiet chuckle, the sound sending a faint shiver down your spine. Your mind was hazy, the weight of exhaustion pulling you under. You were vaguely aware of his body still connected to yours, his warmth anchoring you as your consciousness started to slip away.

"Good girl," he whispered, his voice low and laced with something darker, something triumphant. He brushed a strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear as he studied you with an intensity that made your skin prickle, even in your half-dazed state.

You stirred faintly, murmuring something incoherent, but Jeonghan only smiled. "Shh," he cooed softly, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "You've worked so hard, my love. Rest now."

And you did, succumbing to the pull of sleep, blissfully unaware of the way his gaze shifted, how his expression turned from soft affection to something far more sinister.

The soft click of a door opening pulled Jeonghan's attention, though he didn't move. He didn't need to. He knew exactly who it was.

"Good job, Hyesoo," he called out casually, his voice smooth and unbothered. His fingers skimmed along your bare skin one last time before resting on your hip, his touch possessive as he glanced up.

Hyesoo stepped into the room, her face a carefully constructed mask of indifference. In her hands was a camera, and she held it out to him silently. Jeonghan smirked, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he took it, already eager to see the results.

"She's full of my scent," he murmured, his voice low and almost reverent as his gaze shifted back to your sleeping form. His pupils dilated as he took in every detail of you—the flush on your cheeks, the marks he'd left on your skin, the way your body was still connected to his, as if even in unconsciousness, you belonged to him. "I'll save this picture in my head forever."

Hyesoo said nothing, her jaw tightening slightly as she turned away. She didn't need to watch him replay the footage; she already knew what was there. She had filmed it herself, after all. Jeonghan's obsession was no secret to her—it never had been. And yet, she stayed by his side, playing her role in his elaborate scheme.

Jeonghan leaned back against the couch, his free hand absently brushing over your arm as he scrolled through the clips. Each one was a masterpiece to him, a testament to his control, his possession of you. He watched them over and over, his expression shifting between adoration and something far darker.

"You're mine," he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. The words were both a promise and a declaration, one he had ensured would be true no matter what.

Jeonghan's smirk deepened as he reviewed the footage one last time before setting the camera aside. Everything had gone exactly as he had planned.

From the moment he saw you, he had known you were meant to be his. But he also knew you wouldn't come to him willingly, not at first. So, he orchestrated everything—down to the finest detail.

Hyesoo had been a key player, pretending to be your friend, earning your trust only to betray it when the time was right. The rumors about you? All planted. The whispers about your connections to the higher-ups, the way people started to question your integrity—it had all been his doing. He needed you vulnerable, isolated, desperate enough to turn to him.

And it had worked. Every step, every move, had brought you closer to this moment. To him.

Even your role as the second lead in the film had been a calculated choice. He had pushed for it, knowing it would keep you close, knowing it would force you to rely on him as the chaos of the industry swirled around you.

"You really are perfect," he murmured, his fingers brushing over your cheek. "Even better than I imagined."

Hyesoo shifted uncomfortably in the corner of the room, her arms crossed as she avoided his gaze. She had agreed to help him, but even she hadn't anticipated the extent of his obsession. Watching it unfold, seeing the lengths he was willing to go—it made her stomach twist.

But she stayed silent. She always did.

Jeonghan glanced up at her, his smile sharp. "You've done well, Hyesoo," he said, his tone dripping with condescension. "Don't think I've forgotten how valuable you've been to me."

Hyesoo's jaw tightened, but she nodded, her expression betraying nothing. She knew better than to challenge him. Not when he held all the power.

As you slept peacefully in his arms, Jeonghan allowed himself a moment of indulgence. He had won. Everything he had ever wanted was now his.

And he wasn't about to let you go.

Not now. Not ever.

a/n: thank you for reading. the plot isnt plotting cause like.. wtf did i just do? i shouldve just put a smut with no actual plot lmao. anyhow i hope reader likes it ! lmk if i missed a few waqrnings or what i should add on the tags/genre. ty ! LY! ᓚᘏᗢ

also, huge thank you for @ririesna who requested for this fanfic idea (actor x actor). without her req, i wouldnt be able to post anything at all. im open for requests, if you want to leave some, i will be posting.

i just made a taglist for oneshots (general groups)? click this link if you want to be added ;)

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seungkw1 · 2 months ago

Text

don’t you want me, baby? — yjh [SIDE A]

🎧 spotify playlist

🖭 pairing: yoon jeonghan x fem!reader 🖭 theme: 80s au, romance, humor 🖭 wc: 12.5k 🖭 warnings: part 1: smoking (brief), underage drinking, mildly suggestive, 95z are idiots (lovingly); part 2: smut 🖭 a/n: this fic parallels a mixtape and takes place over the course of most of reader’s life - Side A (this part) is childhood through high school and Side B (part 2) will be through college. the names of the chapters correspond to the playlist linked above, make sure to check it out :) shoutout to @lovetaroandtaemin and @miniseokminnies for beta reading <3 // this was written for the @camandemstudios Lonely Hearts Cafe collab! check out the full masterlist here!!

You've known Jeonghan nearly your whole life. At first, he was just the annoying kid who lived down the street, but eventually you became part of the same friend group. You date his best friend for a bit, but when that relationship ends, you begin to spend more time with him - one-on-one. Soon, you start to realize that there might be more to your relationship with Jeonghan than you initially thought.

TRACKLIST: SIDE A Track 01: Don’t You Want Me – The Human League Track 02: Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield Track 03: Take on Me – a-ha Track 04: What I Like About You – The Romantics Track 05: Tainted Love – Soft Cell SIDE B Track 06: The Boys Of Summer – Don Henley Track 07: Don’t You (Forget About Me) – Simple Minds Track 08: Everybody Wants To Rule The World – Tears for Fears Track 09: Let’s Dance – David Bowie Track 10: Can’t Fight This Feeling – REO Speedwagon Track 11: You Make My Dreams (Come True) – Daryll Hall & John Oates

🖭 Track 01: Don’t You Want Me – The Human League

🎶 You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me

[1973, Spring - Third Grade]

“Y/n!”

You turn at the sound of your name. It’s your annoying neighbor and classmate, Jeonghan, chasing you down as you walk home. You had both just gotten off the school bus - he lives on the same street as you, just a few doors down. Unfortunate. As if seeing him all day in class wasn’t bad enough. You’re already past his house, but now it appears he’s following you to yours. You turn back around and continue down the sidewalk, choosing to ignore him - but he’s persistent.

“Hey y/n!! Wait up!”

You pick up your pace, but the sound of his sneakers smacking against the concrete gets louder as he runs after you, quickly catching up. You yelp as he yanks you by the handle of your backpack, sending you flying backwards. You crash into him, knocking the both of you to the ground.

“Ow! What the hell, Jeonghan!!” you shout as you scramble to get off of him. You roll to the side, lightly scraping your knees as you catch yourself. It hurts, but at the moment you have a bigger problem to deal with.

“You can’t say H-E-double hockey sticks, that’s a BAD WORD!” he yells back, trying to get up off the ground, but with a swift push of your foot you knock him back down.

“Hey, no fair!!” he squeaks at you, wiggling away as he jumps back to his feet. “I’m telling my mom!”

“What are you gonna tell her, that you got beat up by a girl?” you taunt. He opens his mouth to argue back, but he realizes you’re right. Scowling, he sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry at you, before turning around and running off back to his own house. Annoyed, you brush the dirt off your knees and head home.

Stupid boys, you think to yourself. I am NEVER EVER going to kiss one.

[1978, Fall - Eighth Grade]

The crisp autumn breeze rushes through your hair as you vigorously pedal your three-speed bicycle uphill. As you reach the hilltop, the image of the town unfolds before you: you see the arcade, the pharmacy, various shops and newspaper stands - but most importantly, your destination: the movie theater. You swing your feet out as you drift over the peak, releasing the pedals, letting gravity take over as you plummet downhill as fast as a rocket. As you near the theater, you apply the brakes, slowing yourself to a more reasonable pace as you ride up onto the sidewalk. Outside the entrance sits your best friend, Valerie; she looks up as you approach, giving you a friendly wave.

“Finally, there you are,” she tells you with a grin as you hop off your bike and park it at the rack. “Let's go get our tickets.”

You start walking toward the ticket booth together, when a familiar voice calls out from behind you.

“Valerie! Y/n!”

You turn around, spotting a group of boys hanging out in the alley - it's your classmates, Joshua, Seungcheol, and Jeonghan. You frown, glancing sideways at Valerie, but she's already skipping over toward them. You don't particularly care for these three, but it's no secret that she has a huge crush on Seungcheol. Reluctantly, you follow.

“Hi boys,” she says as you two approach the alleyway, practically batting her eyelashes at Cheol. “What are you all doing here?”

Joshua beckons to the both of you with a mischievous grin on his face. “Come over here, look what Jeonghan’s got.”

As you step into the alley, Jeonghan reaches into his pocket. With a smirk, he pulls out a very crushed box of Marlboros. He opens the flap to reveal two cigarettes inside; he takes one out, holding the filter awkwardly between his forefinger and thumb.

“Stole these from my dad,” he informs you proudly. You stare dully back at him, unamused.

“Gimme the lighter,” he says to Joshua, holding his free hand out demandingly. Joshua reaches into the breast pocket of his jean jacket, retrieving a worn silver zippo and setting it in Jeonghan’s open palm. He flicks the lid open with his thumb as he places the cigarette to his lips. Snapping the wheel, the lighter ignites - but is immediately extinguished by a gust of cold wind.

“You have to put your hand over it, dipshit,” Seungcheol says as he tries to snatch the zippo, but Jeonghan quickly blocks him with his elbow.

“Ouch!” Cheol whines.

“Shut up, I got this,” Jeonghan gripes, flicking the lighter open again. He raises the flame to the unlit end, this time blocking the wind with his other hand. The paper catches, glowing orange as he inhales - taking far too long of a drag. A coughing fit hits him, turning away as his poor unprepared lungs try to expel the smoke. Cheol rolls his eyes.

“Gimme that,” he snaps as he whisks the cigarette from Jeonghan’s fingers. He places it to his lips, taking a far more careful drag than Jeonghan did, but it’s still too much. With a harsh cough, he quickly rids himself of the cigarette by shoving it into Joshua’s hands. Unbothered by his friends’ current state, he pretends to take a drag, exhaling nothing as he shakes his head at the other two coughing boys.

“You guys are stupid,” he scorns. He turns, offering the cig to you and Valerie. Val stares at Cheol and Jeonghan, still coughing, a mildly disgusted expression on her face.

“No, thank you,” she tells him, waving her hand in dismissal of the cigarette. Joshua shrugs, pretending to take another drag, but this time he accidentally inhales. He tries to stifle the cough that hits him this time, to no avail. With a grimace, he tosses the half-burnt cigarette to the ground, extinguishing it with a few stomps.

“So,” Seungcheol says as he rejoins the group, dragging Jeonghan by the arm, pretending like he didn’t just completely embarrass himself. “What movie are you guys going to see?”

“We’re seeing Grease,” you answer, causing the boys to snicker.

“Lame,” Joshua replies. You shoot a glare back at him.

“We’re seeing Halloween,” he continues. “But I guess that movie isn’t for girls.”

“Oh, please,” Valerie scoffs. “Girls can see any movie that boys can.”

“Yeah right,” Cheol taunts her. “It’s too scary, you would run away crying.”

“Nuh-uh!” Valerie exclaims, stamping her foot into the ground. “We’re no scaredy cats.”

“Prove it,” Jeonghan says smugly. “Come see Halloween with us.”

“We don’t want to see Halloween,” you reject. “We want to see Grease.”

“Okay, scaredy cat. I double-dog dare you.”

“We’ll do it,” Valerie answers Jeonghan before you can say another word. You turn, giving her a frown, but she’s too immersed in gazing at Cheol to notice your disapproval.

“Alright!” Seungcheol bursts out, punching his fist in the air. “Last one there’s a rotten egg!”

The three boys take off, racing back to the main street toward the theater. Valerie starts to follow them, but you tug on her arm.

“Do you really want to see Halloween?” you question - but you already know the answer.

“No,” she admits, crossing her arms and looking down at the ground. “But I want Seungcheol to like me. And I don’t think he’ll ever ask me out if I chicken out now.”

You don’t think that’s true, but you also don’t really want to get into the inner workings of how teenage boys operate right now.

“Alright,” you concede, linking your arm with hers as you head toward the theater. “Besides, it can’t be that scary, right?”

It was, in fact, that scary.

You’re deeply embarrassed, but so are the boys. You may have screamed and cried for most of the movie, but they were no better. Jeonghan flew out of his seat with every jumpscare, Seungcheol was on the floor hiding for half of it, and Joshua was pretending not to be scared, but he had his eyes shut tight the whole time. Valerie was just as scared as you were, but her plan to catch Seungcheol’s eye was apparently successful. They walked out of the theater side by side, giggling together. You don’t bother hiding your displeasure, walking behind them grimacing at the back of Seungcheol’s dumb head. Joshua departs from the group, taking off running in the direction of his house without a word. Now with no one else to bug, Jeonghan makes his way over to you.

“That was awesome, huh?” he says with a stupid grin you wish you could slap off his face.

“Right, that’s why you cried four times.” You catch the sight of Joshua’s back in the distance - he’s two blocks away now and still running at top speed.

“Did not! It was only three.”

“Whatever,” you remark, still distracted by a sprinting Joshua. He turns the corner onto his street, out of your line of sight. You focus your attention back to Jeonghan, who is now startlingly close to you. You’re a good two inches taller than him, so he has to look up at you - and the look he has on his face now makes you nervous.

“So,” he starts, nudging his elbow into your arm. “Wanna go grab a soda?”

You stare at him, blindsided by his sudden change of attitude towards you. Where did this come from?

“What?”

“Do you want to go grab a soda with me?” he repeats.

“No, I heard you,” you tell him with a puzzled look on your face. “I mean, are you asking me out?”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan nods coolly. “I am. Figured it was about time.”

“About time?? What exactly does that mean?”

“Come on, y/n,” he tells you, the stupid grin back on his face. “Everybody knows you like me.”

You stop in your tracks. Jeonghan turns back, facing you to see you stare at him incredulously.

“I do NOT ‘like you’. Not like that!” you snap, thoroughly annoyed. He smirks at your denial, irritating you further. “In fact,” you add, “I barely even like you at all.”

He chuckles, clearly not planning to believe you.

“Sure, whatever you say. Anyway, how about that soda?”

“You’re insufferable,” you retort with a glare before walking off.

“So is that a no?” you hear him ask behind you, but you ignore it. You head toward your parked bike, now sitting alone in the rack as Valerie and Cheol are nowhere to be seen. With a sigh you hoist your leg over the seat, ready to get the hell out of there. You take off, noticing Jeonghan still standing where you left him, watching you with a curious look on his face. He looks almost… sad? That can’t be right. For a moment you pause, wondering if you actually hurt his feelings. But then he winks at you, his lips curling back into that pretentious smirk. With an eye roll you pedal off into the street, your cheeks stinging once more as you ride into the cold wind.

What a lousy day, you think to yourself. If you never saw Jeonghan or his dumb friends again, it would be too soon.

🖭 Track 02: Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield

🎶 I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot

[1982, Fall - Junior Year]

riiiiiiiiiiiiiing

Your head snaps up as the harsh bell resonates from the hallway. You squint your eyes closed again as the classroom lights are suddenly turned on, signalling the end to the school day and the end to whatever boring video your chemistry teacher had decided to play instead of teaching today. Stifling a yawn, you toss your books into your backpack and swing it over your shoulder as you sluggishly traipse out the classroom door. The buzzing hallways quickly wake you up, filled with chatter and commotion as students flock to their lockers and out the doors. You locate your own locker, mindlessly spinning the combination lock until the door opens with a clunk. You rummage through your belongings, grabbing the notebooks and textbooks you need for homework tonight. As you swing the door closed, a face materializes inches away from you.

“Shit!” you jump, before registering the face’s owner as your boyfriend, Joshua. You give him a swift shove - he dramatically pretends to fall against the wall of lockers. You roll your eyes as you start to walk away. Joshua quickly catches up, wrapping one arm around your shoulders as you exit the building.

“So,” he starts, grinning in a way that makes you immediately suspicious. “I had an idea.”

“Oh god,” you groan. “What is it now?”

“Aw come on, you never like my ideas,” he pouts.

“Yeah, because they’re always crazy.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Last time you had a grand idea, Seungcheol had to go to the hospital to get stitches, and we got escorted home in a cop car,” you remind him. “I was grounded for weeks.”

“How was I supposed to know that construction site was off-limits?” he asks with feigned ignorance. You raise your eyebrow at him, unamused.

“Probably by the signs everywhere that said ‘DO NOT ENTER’.”

He shrugs it off. “Okay, you got me there. But I promise this time it’s nothing crazy.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“So, are you game?”

“Maybe,” you answer. “If you actually tell me what it is first.” He grins, the mischievous look on his face making you skeptical already.

“Just a small party. Jeonghan’s parents are out of town, so we’re gonna hang there.”

“And who’s all going?”

“Me, Cheol, Hannie obviously, Soonyoung… ya know, the usual suspects,” he replies. “Bring Val and anyone else who’s cool.”

“Alright, fine” you sigh. His face instantly lights up.

“Awesome! Party starts at 8:30.”

You stop walking, clutching onto his arm and turning him to face you.

“You promise it won’t get out of hand?”

He takes your hands in his, nodding earnestly.

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Well that seems a little dramatic,” you pretend to scoff, but a smile peeks through. He grins back, giving you a quick peck on the cheek.

“See you there, then.”

“Truth.”

Val focuses on Joshua, waiting for his question. You think truth or dare is a stupid game, juvenile at best, but everybody always seems to want to play.

“Okay,” he replies to her smugly. “Who was your first kiss?”

Panic flashes through her eyes for a brief moment, but she plays it cool. You know her answer, and you know why she wouldn’t want to share. She pauses, pursing her lips, but Joshua is impatient.

“Come on, don’t be shy,” he taunts. Her eyes flicker around the room, glancing at Cheol, then at you, then back at Cheol.

“It’s okay babe, you can say it. I don’t mind,” Cheol assures her, lying.

You spot Soonyoung quietly getting up, ostensibly to grab another pop. Val sees him too, narrowing her eyes at his back.

“Fine,” she admits. “It was Soonyoung.”

“WHAT?!” Jeonghan exclaims, nearly doing a spit-take with his cup of Sprite.

“No way,” Joshua responds, smirking as he glances at Seungcheol, whose face is quickly turning cherry-red. He bites his lip, attempting to remain nonchalant - to no avail. Val inadvertently giggles at him, immediately clasping her hand over her mouth. Cheol glares at Soonyoung, who is halfway to the kitchen, giving a solid huff before he flies out of his seat - Soonyoung sees him and flees, but Cheol is faster. He tackles his friend through the doorway, followed by the sounds of several objects clanking against the floor.

“Hey!” Jeonghan yells after them. “Don’t trash the place you idiots!!” He saunters after them, making sure the two don’t actually break anything - household objects nor bones. As he disappears into the kitchen the doorbell rings.

“Are you expecting more people?” you ask, glancing at Joshua.

“Oh yeah I invited Mark - you know, from the basketball team,” he replies. “It’s probably him. Wanna get it, Val?”

“Not really,” she responds, staring dully at him. “But sure, I guess.”

She gets up and heads to answer the door, leaving you and Joshua alone in the living room. A big goofy grin spreads across his face as he slides over toward you, cornering you against the arm of the couch as he wraps his arm around your waist.

“Finally, a moment of peace,” he tells you as he draws your face in close. A loud bang resonates from the kitchen.

“You know Seungcheol is kicking Soonyoung’s ass in the other room right now, right?”

“Eh, they’re fine.”

He presses his lips softly against yours, pulling your body in close and resting his hand upon your thigh. You kiss him back, butterflies in your stomach as you savor the rare moment of alone time with your boyfriend.

“Ahem.”

You jump, breaking this kiss to see Jeonghan standing in the doorway.

“If you must do that, get a room, will you?” he asks, clearly irked. You feel your face grow hot.

“Sorry,” you mumble. Joshua opens his mouth, ready to tell his friend off, but he’s interrupted by the newcomers entering the living room. You recognize Mark, but it appears he brought the entire basketball team with him - a large string of boys wander into the room, the sound of “Eye of the Tiger” filling the air as a particularly tall one carries in a boombox on his shoulder. Soonyoung and Seungcheol stumble back in, hair and clothes tussled, pretending like nothing just happened.

“Hey Mingi!” Soonyoung shouts gleefully to the tall boombox boy. “Turn that shit up!”

You cast a nervous glance at Joshua. “I didn’t think there would be this many people here,” you tell him.

“Relax, y/n, it’s okay,” he says with his usual cheery smile on his face. He gives you a quick kiss on the cheek before hopping off the couch to greet the entourage.

You look around for Val, but she appears to have disappeared, probably off somewhere with Cheol. Soonyoung and Joshua are engaged in a passionate debate about who would win in a fight between Indiana Jones and E.T., for some reason. Aside from Mark, you don’t really know anybody on the basketball team, but he’s in the middle of an arm wrestling match anyway. Once again, you have nobody to talk to. Why does this always happen to me, you mope to yourself. Sighing, you stand up and make your way to the kitchen in search of another Coke. Any excuse to leave the room that is growing more chaotic by the moment.

The chatter and shouting is still audible from the kitchen, but it’s certainly much quieter. You head to the fridge, spotting Jeonghan already there. He notices you, turning his head and giving you a nod.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Hay is for horses,” you reply. He raises his brow at you, letting out a small laugh. He grabs a Coke from the fridge and hands it to you.

“Oh, thanks.” The can lets out a crisp hissss as you pop the tab.

“I didn’t know so many people would be coming,” you remark as you take a sip.

“Me neither,” he says with a concerned frown, glancing toward the noisy living room full of teenagers. A loud crashing noise echoes from amidst the crowd of people, followed by Soonyoung whooping loudly.

“Oh god,” Jeonghan grumbles. “I’m gonna be so grounded.”

“You should tell them to tone it down,” you suggest. “It’s your house after all.”

“No way,” he says as he shakes his head. “They’re gonna think I’m so lame.”

“Who cares?” you tell him.

He opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by an eruption of cheering. He wanders over to the doorway, peering out to see what the commotion is; you follow. There are even more people here than there were before, the living room now filled with even more jocks and a group of preps - all seniors - who appear to have brought several cases of beer.

“Shit,” Jeonghan mumbles under his breath, staring nervously at the crowd of high schoolers passing red solo cups filled with alcohol around the room.

“What are you going to do?” you ask, turning to look at him. He’s standing much closer to you than you realized, but with you both in the doorway you don’t have much room to back up without it being obvious. You notice for the first time that he has really long eyelashes, framing his eyes as they shift nervously around the chaotic scene.

One of the preppy girls bounces over to you two, holding out two cups of beer.

“Rad party, Jeonghan,” she smiles at him, handing him one of the drinks. To your surprise, he takes it. She turns to give the other drink to you, pausing to quickly look you up and down.

“And what’s your name again?”

“Y/n,” you tell her bluntly, not doing much to hide your annoyance at her attitude.

“Riiight,” she replies, her fake smile dropping. She gives up on trying to hand you the beer and turns back to Jeonghan, raising her cup to his before she takes a drink. Hesitantly, he raises the cup to his lips and takes a sip, trying his best not to make a face at the bitter taste. She stares at him for a moment before deciding that he is too lame for her. She gives him a soft “hm” of disapproval, and with a flip of her hair she turns and heads back to her snooty friends. Jeonghan looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and die. He takes another swig of the beer, making another face as he stares into the pale yellow liquid in his cup.

“Are you really going to drink that?” you ask. He shrugs, still staring at the rowdy crowd of people in his parent’s living room.

“It’s fine,” he mumbles. “This is making me feel like I need a drink anyway.”

“Okay…” you reply skeptically. “Just be careful.”

He turns, making eye contact with you. He looks like he wants to say something, but he changes his mind.

“Yeah, I will,” he sighs.

You spend the rest of the night dodging people trying to give you beer. Joshua gets mildly drunk, coming to find you a few times to make sure you’re okay, but eventually he gets sucked into a heated and seemingly endless game of Uno. The party progresses more or less without issue - that is, until there is no more beer.

“Hey Yoon, you gonna bust out your parents’ alcohol stash for us or what?” one of the inebriated meathead jocks hollers across the room to Jeonghan, who is in the middle of putting on a new record. Fear flashes across his face.

“Yeah, break out the booze!” the mean girl from earlier shouts.

His eyes dart around the room, panickedly looking for one of his friends; his eyes land on you, silently begging you to help him. Not knowing what to do, you give him a solid nod before running off to find Seungcheol. If these drunk morons are going to listen to anyone, it’ll be him. You eventually find him off in a corner making out with Val.

“Hey,” you blurt out. Cheol turns to you, prepared to be mad at you for interrupting their makeout sesh, but he sees the concerned look on your face.

“What is it?” he asks sincerely.

“We have a problem.”

You frantically start to explain, but he quickly picks up the issue. He storms back toward the living room; you and Val follow, peeking around the corner.

“Alright, party’s over,” his voice booms through the room of drunken teens. The crowd starts to boo him.

“Come on Choi, don’t be a square,” one of the jocks shouts back at him.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!!!,” he screams. “NOW!!!!!!”

Begrudged murmurs ripple through the crowd, but everyone slowly begins to shuffle out.

“And none of you better be fucking driving!!” he adds.

He herds the last of the partygoers out, locking the door behind them. Joshua, having laid on the couch just a moment ago, is somehow already fast asleep. Jeonghan stares at him for a moment before settling for sitting on the floor, his back resting against the couch. He runs his hand through this hair, staring at the mess left behind by nearly half the school: solo cups littered around the room, empty cans carelessly tossed aside, spilled beer puddled upon every surface. And judging by the sour stench starting to reek, it’s soaked into the carpet too.

“This was a stupid idea,” he mumbles, holding his head in his hands.

“It’s not your fault,” you assure him, taking a seat on the floor next to him. “It wasn’t supposed to get this out of hand.”

“I should’ve known, though.” He sighs, letting out a disheartened laugh. “Things always go wrong for me.”

“What do you mean?”

He looks at you for a moment, but his gaze falls back to his shoes.

“I dunno, every time Joshua does something crazy it works out fine for him.” He nudges his head toward his sleeping friend on the couch above. “But when I try to have fun I always get in trouble.”

“Well, Joshua’s an idiot.”

“I heard that…” Joshua murmurs from the couch, before turning over and falling back asleep. An amused smile appears on Jeonghan’s face for a moment.

“Anyway, we’ll clean everything up,” you tell him. “It’ll be alright. It won’t take too long between the five of us - well, four. Actually… Where the hell is Soonyoung?” you ask Seungcheol as he walks back into the room.

“In the bathroom. With his head in the toilet.”

“Lovely. How much did he drink??”

“One beer.”

Jeonghan snorts. “How embarrassing.”

You chuckle under your breath. Jeonghan suddenly rises to his feet; you follow suit.

“What should we listen to while we clean?” he asks, heading over to the record player.

“How about AC/DC? ‘Have a Drink on Me’?,” you suggest. Jeonghan shoots you a look out of the corner of his eye, making Cheol giggle.

“No? Maybe some Judas Priest? ‘Breaking the Law’?”

He narrows his eyes at you, pretending to be irked, but the corners of his mouth twitch into a slight smile.

“How about no,” he retorts. Turning back to the stack of records, he pulls out a purple album. “Here, this should be good.”

He spins the vinyl in his hands before setting it on the turntable. He moves the needle into place - heavy synth notes fill the air as the familiar track begins, making you grin. Jeonghan disappears into the kitchen for a moment, returning with several trash bags and a roll of paper towels. He hands you a bag, then tosses the roll to Seungcheol.

“Right, well, let’s get to work.”

The sound of Prince singing ‘We’re gonna party like it’s 1999' plays as you start collecting the plethora of empty cans strewn about seemingly the entire house, Jeonghan joining you. You think it would be more efficient if he started on the other side of the room, instead of following behind you, but you keep it to yourself. Val makes a reappearance, looking only slightly queasy; she joins her boyfriend in wiping away the spilled drinks. You glance at your own boyfriend again, asleep on the couch still - and now snoring lightly. You let out a sigh that you don’t mean to be audible, but Jeonghan picks up on it.

“You okay?” he asks you sincerely.

You pause for a moment. Are you okay?? It's a question you've been asking yourself a lot recently. You do love Joshua, and even outside of dating him, he is a good friend. But, something has felt different lately - you can't quite put your finger on it, but things just haven't been the same. You feel a lump welling in the back of your throat, threatening tears. Now is not the time to overthink about your relationship - you decide to swallow your words before you get emotional.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you lie, hoping he won’t prod further. He pauses, waiting in case you change your mind, but you go back to picking up cans in silence.

“Y/n,” he starts. His voice is soft, hesitant. You turn back to face him - you can tell there’s something on the tip of his tongue, something he’s nervous to say.

“What is it?” you ask. He licks his lips, debating whether to tell you. With a deep exhale, he quickly shakes his head.

“There’s a can in that plant right next to you,” he says, pointing to the large potted palm. “Wasn’t sure if you saw it.”

You peek through the leaves - sure enough, a crushed Coors can lay crumpled atop the soil.

“Oh, thanks.” You pick it up and toss it in the trash bag, it landing upon the others with an unpleasant clanking sound. Over your shoulder you see Jeonghan still looking at you - you turn to look at him again, but he quickly occupies himself with the trash. He’s acting a bit odd, but you brush it off - he has had a shitty night, after all. You make your way across the room, joining Val as she sops up beer off the fine china cabinet. Still feeling eyes on your back, you glance toward Jeonghan, who is still looking at you, the expression on his face indecipherable. His focus on you is broken by Seungcheol joining him, handing him a cold can of Sprite.

“Here,” you say, turning toward Val. “Let me help.” She rips off a few paper towels and places them in your outstretched hand. You lean down to scrub the damp carpet.

Whatever Jeonghan’s problem is, you decide it’s not your business.

“Here you go.”

Jeonghan snaps out of staring at the back of your head, turning to his friend offering him a Sprite.

“Thanks, man,” he tells him sincerely. He barely had had any beer, but his head was already starting to ache. Nothing the sugar in an ice cold pop can’t handle, he thinks, though considering that he’s never had a drink in his life he’s not sure how he would know that. Regardless, the cold Sprite tastes delicious after the lousy night it’s been.

“What were you and y/n talking about?” Seungcheol asks. Jeonghan jumps slightly at the question, but he realizes he just was genuinely asking - he’s never told his best friend about his life-long crush on you, so why would Cheol be suspicious?

“Hm? Oh, nothing really,” he answers nonchalantly. “Just in disbelief of how much mess some teenagers can make in a couple hours.”

“You said it, dude,” Seungcheol agrees, face contorting into a disgusted expression as he realizes he's just picked up a used tissue with his bare hands. “Blech,” he gags as he chucks it into Jeonghan's trash bag. “That's nasty." He swiftly disappears into the kitchen to wash his hands.

Left momentarily alone, Jeonghan’s mind begins to wander. He stares at his other best friend, who’s passed out on the couch. He’s known Joshua pretty much his whole life - people even call them twins sometimes, due to how similar their personalities are. And they're not wrong, it doesn't bother him. But sometimes, if he starts thinking too much, he wonders why you ended up with Joshua and not him. It’s no secret that out of the two of them, Joshua is far more charming and socially adept. And besides, Joshua made his move first. He can’t blame him for that when he had spent his whole life too afraid to even talk to you. He knows it's a stupid thing to ruminate over - but he can't help it. I’m in love with my best friend’s girlfriend, he thinks to himself, and there's nothing I can do about it. He turns his gaze to you, eyes wistful as he watches you from across the room.

And why did I almost confess that to her just a moment ago?

🖭 Track 03: Take on Me – a-ha

🎶 Oh, I'll be comin' for your love, okay

[1983, Spring - Junior Year]

You shuffle through the gravelly school parking lot toward the brown Ford Pinto parked in its usual end spot. You yank the door open, startling Joshua and making him jump so high he bonks his head upon the carpeted roof. You plop into the passenger seat and slam the door shut behind you, letting out a loud sigh as you let your backpack slide to the floor. Joshua stares at you for a moment, rubbing his head. You stare back at him, neither one of you wanting to break the silence first, but you don’t have the patience today.

“So, are you going to actually talk to me now?"

He opens his mouth to reply, but pauses, thinking over his answer. For once, you think to yourself.

“I’m sorry, y/n, really,” he finally responds. “I wasn’t ignoring you on purpose.”

“So you admit it, you were ignoring me then,” you point out.

Realizing he’s already made a mistake, his shoulders drop as he sinks into the seat. He rests his left wrist atop the steering wheel as he stares at nothing in particular through the windshield.

“I just didn’t know what to do,” he tells you downheartedly. Your stomach sinks - you know exactly where this is going.

“Just say it, Joshua.”

Sheepishly he looks back to you, his face apologetic.

“I think we should break up.”

Even though you had mentally prepared for this moment, it still hurts. You turn away, leaning your head against the window as you stare off into the distance - you told yourself you weren’t going to cry, but your eyes start to water anyway. You take a deep breath, shoving the tears back down, but you still can’t look him in the eyes.

“Okay.”

He pauses, waiting for you to go on, but you say nothing.

“So it’s mutual, then?” he asks quietly. You nod, still staring out the window. He lets out a sigh, somewhat relieved, but mostly melancholy. You both knew this was coming, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

“Can we still be friends?”

Your attention shifts, bringing your gaze back into the car. You turn, making eye contact with him. He seems nervous - he’s been avoiding this very conversation for fear of tearing the friend group apart. It’s the last thing he wants to happen, but he didn't know how you would feel about it.

“Yeah,” you answer, mustering up a slight smile. “Of course.”

His head drops back against the headrest, a massive weight lifting from his shoulders.

“Oh thank god,” he says with a deep exhale. The edges of your lips twitch into a slight grin as you try not to laugh at his reaction. But you too are relieved.

He sits back up, reaching for the ignition. With a turn of the key, the dated car whirrs to life with a series of mildly concerning noises.

“Need a ride home?”

“I’m gonna walk over to the library, actually,” you tell him as you pop the door latch and hop out of the car. That went much better than expected, but you still need to get the hell out of there. Grabbing your backpack, you go to give him the usual ‘love ya’, but you catch yourself. You stare at him blankly for a moment, trying to figure out what to say.

“Well, see you later then,” is what you land on; it comes out a bit too formally.

“See you later.”

You walk past the car and toward the main street. The library was an excuse, but you decide to head there anyway. Joshua watches you walk away for a bit, wondering if you’ll turn back around, but you don’t.

The last few months of junior year dragged on for what felt like an eternity. Like you both agreed, you and Joshua remained friends, and thus the friend group was saved. But, that didn’t stop things from being a bit weird. Nobody really knew what to do about it, but everyone reached an unspoken agreement to pretend like nothing happened. It was fine, for the most part, but you still found yourself avoiding Joshua at all costs. It ended up being pretty easy, as he was also avoiding you, and just spending noticeably less time with the whole group in general. Seungcheol and Val were still connected at the hip, of course. So, in a strange turn of events, you started hanging out with Jeonghan on the regular.

It was a little odd at first - not uncomfortable, you’ve known him your whole life, so spending one-on-one time with him was no biggie. But the frequency of you hanging out together, just you and him - that was certainly new.

One of the first new Jeonghan-related discoveries you made was that you have a hobby in common: Legos.

You didn’t really know anyone else who built Lego sets except for nerdiest kids in school, so it was information you generally kept to yourself, in the interest of not being made fun of. But one day, you make an off-hand comment about it.

Jeonghan’s face perks up, looking up at you from across the table. You’re currently in the mall food court, sharing a large serving of greasy french fries.

“You like Legos?” he asks, eyes wide as saucers. You shrug at him.

“Yup,” you reply nonchalantly. “Surprise, I’m a huge nerd.”

He leans forward, putting his elbows on the table as he gets closer to you, a smirk painted across his face.

“I fucking love Legos,” he mutters under his breath.

And so, you end up in Jeonghan’s bedroom for the first time.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, you let him show you his favorites builds out of the dozens of completed sets on display around the room. You note the large pile of books on the floor, cleared out from the bookshelf to make space for even more Legos.

In the middle of telling you all about the Surface Rover set in his hands, he pauses, having suddenly become self-conscious of just how long he’s been talking.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, embarrassed. “I’m probably boring you.”

“No no,” you pipe up, “These are so cool.” You smile at him reassuringly, making the mistake of direct eye contact. He stares at you through dark, pretty eyelashes, with an intensity that makes your stomach do a flip. It lingers for a moment, until he fully processes what is happening - he panics, staring at you with eyes even rounder than usual, before speedily looking down at the spacecraft in his hand. He occupies himself by fiddling with one of the tiny pieces, clicking it off and on several times.

“Um, so,” he says as he places the ship back on its shelf. “What do you wanna do now?”

You’d already spent the whole afternoon with Jeonghan at the mall, and normally you would’ve gone home by now. You’ve never spent this much time with him - with just him - at once before.

“Um, I don’t know,” you tell him truthfully. You shift upon the bed, drawing your legs up to sit criss-cross applesauce. Jeonghan stands there awkwardly for a moment, empty-handed and not sure what to do next either. His eyes drift around the room, searching for quite literally anything to talk about. They light up as he spots a shoebox over on his desk, a grin spreading across his face.

“Wanna see something?”

“What kind of something?” you inquire, but he already has the box in hand. He makes his way to join you on the bed, plopping down right next to you - so close that his outer thigh brushes against your knee. You wait for him to scoot back a bit, but he doesn’t. He opens the shoebox, revealing a jumbled collection of old polaroids. He flips through them until he finds what he’s looking for. He picks up the photo, giggling at it for a second before handing it over. Taking it from him, you see a photo of some little kids at what you can only assume is a birthday party, based on the pointy hats and cake slices. A clown poses behind the kids, holding a balloon animal with a big goofy expression on his face - much to the chagrin of the girl on the right, who is in tears. You stare at it for a moment before it registers.

“Hey!” you exclaim, making Jeonghan burst out laughing.

“Look at your face,” he teases, pointing to the girl in the photo. “You HATED that clown.”

“Yeah, and I still hate clowns to this day because of him!!” you pout, shoving him in the arm.

“Well that’s just rude. He was a very nice man.”

“Well, look at your stupid face!” you stammer back. “You got frosting all over yourself like an idiot.”

“You can’t be mean to me, it was my birthday!”

“Yeah, like a million years ago,” you say, rolling your eyes at him, but you crack a smile as you laugh.

“Here,” you say as you hand it back to him. “Take it away.”

“You can keep it.”

“Why on earth would I want this?”

“You’re right, let me keep it,” he says as he reaches for the polaroid. “That way I can show everybody at school.”

“On second thought, I will keep it,” you respond, drawing the photo back out of his reach - but not before he leans over onto you trying to snatch it from your hand. He leans so far that he loses balance, nearly tipping over entirely onto you. His hand falls upon your thigh to catch himself.

Time seems to go in slow-mo as he glances up at you, a big devious smile lighting up his face; he makes eye contact with you again, this time so close so very close oh my god, his face mere inches from yours. His grin begins to fade as he realizes just how close he is to you right now, the expression of pure joy on his face shifting into one of equal parts terror and mesmerization.

And as suddenly as it happened - the moment is gone.

Jeonghan sits back up, retracting his hands into his lap, pretending to be very interested in a mysterious dark stain on the carpet. You unfold your legs, swinging your feet back down to the floor.

“I should probably get going,” you announce as you hop up off of the bed. “I promised my mom I’d be home by dinnertime.” You pick your backpack up off the floor and sling it over one shoulder, turning around to say goodbye.

“See you later, alligator.”

He smiles at you softly, giving you a playful salute.

“After while, crocodile.”

[1983, Summer Break]

“Okay, now which character do you think you’re most similar to?”

Harsh sunlight greets your eyes as you step out of the cool, dim theater into the stuffy summer heat. Jeonghan slurps the last of his Sprite from the plastic theater cup, tossing the empty drink at a nearby trash can, which he completely misses. He scurries after the cup as it starts to roll down the sidewalk; snatching it up, he walks humbly back to the trash and carefully places it in the bin. Rejoining you, he gives you an expectant look, waiting for your response to his question.

“Hmm,” you reply as you rack your brain for names of Star Wars characters. Jeonghan rented the first two movies and forced you to watch them with him before Return of the Jedi came out so he could drag you to go see it with him. You didn’t mind the films, you actually ended up liking them a lot more than you expected, but there were just TOO many characters to keep track of.

“I don’t know. Princess Leia, I suppose?”

“No way,” he immediately rejects, shaking his head. “You’re not that cool.”

“Umm, rude much??”

He snickers, amused with himself as usual. For a long time, you thought Jeonghan was a real tool, considering that he seemed to constantly be insulting you. But as you grew closer to him, you realized that’s just what he does - the more he makes fun of you, the more he likes you.

“Okay dumbass, which character do you think you are? Let’s hear it.”

“Han Solo,” he responds without missing a beat.

“Pshhh,” you scoff at him. “Yeah right.”

“He’s cool, sarcastic, gets in trouble sometimes,” he explains. “An independent guy that doesn’t like being told what to do. Sound familiar?”

“Okay, fine,” you concede. “You’re definitely not that cool, but I’ll accept it.”

“And since I’m Han Solo, that means you’re Chewbacca.”

“WHAT?” you shout, much louder than you meant to. “I can accept being uncool, but I don’t want to be a big, hairy monster!”

“He’s not a monster,” he corrects you. “He’s a good guy!”

“Yeah, who’s big and hairy!”

“Hey now, don’t judge a book by its cover.”

You roll your eyes at him, a reaction you swear happens no fewer than fifteen times a day.

“You’re an idiot. Have I told you that?”

“Frequently,” he nods, giving you a proud grin.

You continue to banter as you walk back to Jeonghan’s car. The light blue ‘73 Mustang sits parked at the meter, sun reflecting off the windows. Since you don’t have your license yet, Jeonghan drives you pretty much everywhere these days. You secretly really like the car, and it actually makes your dork of a friend seem cool, but you refuse to ever tell him that. The ego boost it would give him would be insufferable.

“So, where to now?” he asks as you hop in his ride. He turns the ignition, the sporty engine rumbling to life.

“I should be heading home, actually,” you reply. His smile drops slightly for a moment, but he shakes it off.

“Already?” he protests, but he shifts the car into gear and takes off.

“I have to go to dinner with my family for my grandpa’s birthday.”

“Oh, nice,” he responds, but you can tell he’s a bit disappointed.

The rest of the ride is mostly silent, but not in an awkward way. That’s one thing you appreciate about Jeonghan - hanging out with him is comfortable enough that you don’t feel obligated to make small talk.

The car rolls to a stop as you arrive at your house. Although you live only a few houses apart, Jeonghan insists on driving past his home to drop you off in front of yours. “Don’t want you to get lost,” he always jokes.

“Wait,” Jeonghan calls out as you go to open the car door. You pause, hand on the door handle, as he pulls a cassette tape from the pocket of his cutoff jean shorts. Weird, considering that he normally just tosses his cassette tapes onto the dashboard, where they live until he brakes too hard and some of them slide off and land on the floor. He extends his hand to you, prompting you to take the tape.

“What is this?” you ask as you reach for the plastic case.

“A cassette tape,” he answers matter-of-factly. You whack him on the arm; he gives you a big grin.

“Alright, fine. It’s a mixtape.”

You look down at the clear case. On the paper insert, you see a tracklist - written neatly with a ballpoint pen. You recognize Jeonghan’s handwriting.

“What’s this for?” you ask, turning your head to look at him again. He shrugs.

“Just because.”

You stare at him for a moment. You’ve known Jeonghan long enough to know he doesn’t do things just because. You scan his face for a hint of ulterior motive, but he seems genuine.

“Oh,” you finally say. You’re still confused, but you don’t want to come off as rude, so you give him a soft smile. “Thank you.”

“Sure thing,” he replies coolly, his eyes lingering on you. Several more seconds of silence pass. He looks like he has something else to say, but he doesn’t. The car suddenly feels way too small.

“Okay, well, see ya later!” you say quickly as you pop the door open and hop out onto the sidewalk. Jeonghan gives you a wave as you shut the door - you turn around and quickly head inside.

Heading up to your room, you take a look at the tape again. Every song on the tracklist is one of your favorites. How did he know I like all of these? you ponder. You grab the Walkman sitting on your desk and go to insert the tape, but you pause. For some reason, it makes you nervous, as if listening to it will force you to think about your feelings about Jeonghan…

Shaking your head, you set the Walkman down, placing the cassette case on top of it.

Later, you tell yourself. I’ll listen to it later.

brrrrriiiiinggg

The sound of the telephone resonates through your headphones, bleeding over your music. You pause the tape and slide your headphones down onto your shoulders, listening to it ring a couple times before somebody elsewhere in the house picks up the line. A few seconds later, you hear your mom shout from downstairs.

“Y/n! It’s for you!”

You reach for the phone across your desk and pick up the receiver.

“Hello?”

“You’re back from dinner?” you hear Jeonghan ask.

“Well… Duh. How else would I be answering the phone?”

“Good,” he continues, disregarding your sarcastic comment - a rare occurrence for him. “Meet me at the playground in 15 minutes.”

“What? Why-” but the line clicks as he hangs up. Confused, you stare down at the receiver for a minute, the sound of the dull, steady tone filling your ears. You place the handset back on the base, jumping off your bed and grabbing your sneakers. You take a moment to shove some pillows under the covers before turning the light off. Quietly, you open your bedroom window and squeeze yourself out onto the roof, carefully stepping onto the branch that leads to the treehouse in your backyard. You climb down its ladder and drop to your feet silently upon the grass. You sneak out the side gate and head toward the neighborhood playground a few blocks away.

As you arrive, you see a figure with familiar long dark hair sitting on one of the swings. Your feet crunch on the gravel as you walk over to join him, making him turn his head.

“Hey,” you say as you sit on the swing next to his.

“Hey,” he replies.

Your toes brush against the ground beneath you, further displacing the gravel that has already been cleared away from swing usage. The light wind against your back pushes you slightly; you let yourself drift back and forth. You look at Jeonghan, waiting for an explanation.

“So?” you prompt. “What’s up?”

He bites his lip, staring off into the distance as he thinks over his words for a moment. Shaking his head, he looks back to you, eyes locking with yours.

“I like you.”

He says it so nonchalantly that it takes a few moments for you to register what he just said.

“What?”

“I like you,” he repeats. “Like, like like you. More than just a friend.”

Dumbstruck, you stare at him, lips parted ready to respond, but words escape you. Truthfully, you’re not even all that surprised by what he said - but his directness threw you for a loop.

“And I need to know how you feel, or I’m gonna lose my marbles.”

“I…” you start, but your words trail off as your mind wanders, thinking a million miles a minute.

“Even if you don’t like me back,” he adds. “We can still be friends and I’ll never bring it up again. Or if you don’t want to still be friends, I’ll respect that. I just have to know.”

“You’re right, we shouldn’t be friends anymore.” You can see his heart sink, but before he can say anything you reach over and grab the chain of his swing, drawing him toward you.

“I mean, we shouldn’t be just friends anymore.”

His face is close to yours, so close; you watch as the gears turn in his head, your words finally clicking. His eyes light up, a big cheeky grin spreading across his face.

“You little…”

You giggle, then lean in and kiss him.

🖭 Track 04: What I Like About You – The Romantics

🎶 Tell me I'm the only one / Wanna come over tonight, yeah

[1983, Fall - Senior Year]

The crowd erupts in a roar of cheering as the home team scores a touchdown, or so you presume. You’re currently a bit busy, making out with Jeonghan under the bleachers.

He stops kissing you for a second, his hand resting on the back of your neck as he locks eyes with you.

“Should I give you your birthday gift now?” he inquires, his lips pressing lightly against your nose.

“That tickles!” you giggle, pushing him away playfully, but he quickly draws you back into his arms.

“You already gave me my present, dummy,” you remind him, referring to the new Star Wars Lego set he gave you three days ago on your actual birthday. You’d had your eyes on it for a while, but it was expensive, so you were planning to save up for it, but he knew how badly you wanted it and decided to surprise you.

“I gave you one of your presents. But I have another one,” he informs you.

“You really didn’t have to get me anything else.”

“Hey, you only turn eighteen once,” he says with a shrug.

“Alright then, what is it?” you ask, smiling at him cutely.

“Can’t tell you.”

You wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

“Ooookay…”

“I have to show you.”

He grabs your hand, dragging you back toward the hole in the fence where you snuck into the bleachers.

“C’mon, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

He takes you back to his car, driving out of the stadium parking lot into the dark night. He drives for a while, winding down various backroads, taking you god knows where.

“Are we there yet?”

“Not yet.”

You wait a few seconds before pestering him again.

“How about now?”

“Patience, babe.” He reaches his right hand over, resting it on top of your thigh. Your stomach flutters - it’s not like this is the first time he’s touched you like this, but something about it feels different tonight.

The trees seem to get more and more dense the further you drive. You trust your boyfriend, but it’s still a little spooky. Eventually, he pulls up to a clearing, shifting the car into park. You look around, but you still don’t see anything but trees.

“We’re here!” he says cheerfully. You stare at him suspiciously.

“And where exactly is ‘here’?” you inquire, but he’s already hopping out of the car. He makes his way over to the passenger side, opening your door and offering his hand. You take it, letting him help you out of the car, but you’re still a bit wary. He laces his fingers between yours, dragging you along into the trees.

“Watch your step,” he tells you as you come across a large tree root protruding into the path. As you step over it, you hear rustling up ahead, accompanied by the faint smell of smoke.

“Jeonghan…” you whisper nervously.

“Almost there, darling,” he responds, looking at you fondly. You see a break in the trees ahead - as you approach, you hear the soft splashing of water, and the orange glow of a bonfire comes into view.

“The lake? Why are we at the la-”

“SURPRISE!!!!!!”

You jump, startled by the choir of voices shouting at you all at once as the familiar faces of all your friends pop out all around you.

“SHIT,” you scream, instinctively clinging to Jeonghan. He laughs, wrapping his arms around you and drawing you into him. You whack him in the stomach, but a big grin spreads across your face.

“You did all of this? Just for me?”

“Just for you,” he replies, giving you a kiss on the cheek.

Music starts to blare from a boombox as your friends swarm around you, hooting and hollering as the party begins. Somebody hands you a beer; Jeonghan has also acquired one - he raises his bottle to yours with a clink.

“Happy birthday, y/n.”

The party goes late into the night. Jeonghan had thought of everything: snacks, pizza, beer, balloons, and even smores. You sit around the bonfire, roasting a marshmallow and chatting with the few remaining partygoers - most people had headed out by now, it was almost midnight after all.

“Hey,” Jeonghan speaks softly as he appears next to you, scooting in close and wrapping his arm around your waist.

“Hiii,” you say, the big goofy grin on your face giving away that you’re decently buzzed right now.

“How was the party?”

“It was perfect,” you tell him, laying your head on his shoulder.

“Good,” he replies proudly. “I’m glad you liked it.” His fingers raise to your chin, lifting your face up toward him, planting his lips on yours in a soft kiss. As he draws his head back, a smirk grows upon his face.

“What?” you ask.

“Your marshmallow is on fire.”

Whipping your head back toward the bonfire, you see the giant marshmallow at the end of your stick engulfed in flames.

“Oh fuck!”

Giggling, he takes the stick from your hand and pulls the blackened sugar remnants out of the heart of the fire, shaking it a bit until it extinguishes.

“Man,” you pout, “I was looking forward to eating that.”

“Here, I’ll get you another one.”

Several lightly toasted marshmallows later, the last of your friends start to roll out. Seungcheol and Jeonghan put out the now-dwindling bonfire, the lakeside going dark in the absence of the flames. Everybody packs up, saying their goodbyes and driving off back into town. Finally, it’s just you and Jeonghan remaining. You start to head to his car, but he doesn’t follow.

“You coming or what?” you call, taking his hand, but he pulls you back toward him.

“Wanna do one last thing?” he asks, a smirk growing upon his face.

“Oh god,” you groan, looking at him skeptically. “What are you up to now?”

Saying nothing, he bolts off back toward the lake.

“Hey!!” you shout, jogging after him. He peels his shirt off as he speeds off, tossing it aside, running onto the old dock protruding out into the dark water. He reaches the end, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them off, along with his socks and shoes in one fell swoop.

“Jeonghan Yoon, what the hell are you doing?!”

Standing there buck-ass naked, he looks back at you over his shoulder. He gives you a devious grin, then dives into the lake.

He surfaces as you reach the end of the dock, his long dark hair laying drenched against his face. He sweeps his hair back out of his face, eyes wide with rushing adrenaline.

“You coming in? The water’s nice!” he hollers, treading water to stay afloat.

“Is it really?” you ask, reaching down to dip your fingertips in the water.

“No, it’s fucking freezing,” he tells you truthfully, laughing like a maniac. Sure enough, the cold instantly stings against your skin as you drag your hand across the surface.

“You’re out of your mind,” you yell as he swims out further into the lake.

“Here, I’ll turn around. I won’t even look.” Sure enough, he twirls around in the water, facing away from you.

“That’s not why… Jeonghan it’s cold!!”

“It’s not so bad once you get used to it,” he shouts, barely audible as his voice carries across the lake. “I promise.”

You think about it for a moment. Fuck it, you decide. You take off your shoes and clothes, all the hair on your body standing up in the chilly air. Slowly, you slip your bra and panties off, crossing your arms over your cold breasts. You step up to the edge of the dock, your toes hanging off the wooden plank, staring down into the pitch black water beneath you. Your mind races, but you know if you stand here thinking about it much longer, you’ll talk yourself out of it. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes and jump.

The frigid water hits your skin like knives as you plunge into the lake. You kick your legs, hurtling yourself back up to the surface. You gasp as you break into the night air once more, starting to doggy paddle to keep yourself afloat.

“Yeah!!!” you hear your boyfriend cheer in the distance. You spot him as he starts swimming back, water splashing calmly around him as he glides toward you. He swims directly into you, throwing his arms around you and kissing you.

“Hey, I’m trying to stay afloat here you moron!” you shout as you push him away, but you’re laughing along with him. His gaze locks onto yours, the corners of his eyes crinkling with a huge smile plastered across his face.

You’re drenched, you're frozen, and you don’t even really like swimming in the first place. But here, tonight, with Jeonghan - you’ve never felt more carefree.

[1984, Winter - Senior Year]

“Babe, you awake?”

You open your eyes to Jeonghan’s ceiling. The sound of the newest Rush album playing on the stereo had apparently lulled you into a trance; you sit up on his bed, looking over at your boyfriend reclining in the large navy beanbag across the room. He’s laser-focused, eyes on the small television as he controls his Atari joystick.

“Hm?” you ask sleepily.

“I was asking if you were awake,” he repeats, smiling as his eyes are still glued to the screen. “But you answered my question for me.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to ignore you,” you tell him, stifling a yawn. “I was just really relaxed.”

The game gives a series of upbeat beeps and boops to indicate victory. Jeonghan sets the joystick down and turns the console off, getting up and making his way over to you. You scoot over on the bed to make room; he plops down, curling up beside you.

“So,” he starts, placing his arm gently around your waist, tracing his fingers along your side. His parents are gone for the weekend, so you finally get to spend some quality time together - alone.

“What do you wanna do now?”

You roll onto your side, situating yourself even closer to him, your body pressed against his. A smile slowly creeps onto his face. His hand lifts to your cheek, fingertips brushing against the soft skin lightly, making your heart flutter. He leans in, planting a delicate kiss upon your lips; your hand snakes around his waist, clinging to the side of his shirt as you kiss him back. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you in tight before pulling you over on top of him. The kiss breaks as you giggle; you gaze down at him, locking onto his dark brown eyes. Slowly, he slips his hands underneath your shirt, watching you carefully to make sure you’re okay with it. You grin at him, pressing your lips to his again. He grasps onto your skin, pressing himself against you as closely as possible as he makes out with you. He slides his hands further up your shirt, fingers grazing over the band of your bra. You stop kissing him for a moment; he looks up at you concernedly, nervous that he’s gone too far. You sit up, legs straddled around him, reaching for the hem of your top and slowly lifting it up and over your head. His eyes widen, staring at your body as you discard the shirt on the floor. He pulls his own shirt off, tossing it away, eyes still locked on your breasts. His hands trace up your stomach, eyes nearly bugging out his head as he slowly squeezes his hands over the cups of your bra, smiling like he’d just won the lottery. You lean back down, tucking your head next to his, lips hovering right next to his ear.

“You can keep going,” you whisper.

He reaches around your back, fingers finding the clasp of your bra and giving it a soft tug. With a snap of release it unhooks, straps slowly slipping off of your shoulders. Suddenly he flips you over, pulling the garment off as he rolls on top of you. He presses his hips into yours, admiring the sight of you. You reach for his belt, tugging gently on the waist of his jeans. He lets out an excited giggle, a huge grin spreading across his cheeks. Barely more than a whisper, he utters into your lips as he goes to kiss you again.

“I love you.”

🖭 Track 05: Tainted Love – Soft Cell

🎶 Once I ran to you (I ran) / Now I'll run from you

[1984, Spring - Senior Year]

“Jeonghan!” you call out cheerfully, waving to your boyfriend from the schoolyard bench as he exits the building - but he keeps walking. You assume he didn’t hear you, so you sling your backpack over your shoulder and hurry after him. As you approach you see he has headphones on, his Walkman clipped to his belt. You tap him on the arm, making him nearly jump out of his skin. He rips his headphones off, turning around at a startling speed.

“Oh,” he says when he sees your face. “It’s just you.”

“Glad to see you too,” you tease, expecting him to laugh back, but he just gives you a small, seemingly-forced smile.

“You okay?” you inquire, slightly concerned.

He hesitates for a moment, then shakes his head.

“Yeah no, I’m fine,” he says, fiddling with the headphones in his hands. “I was just zoned out. Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” you reply warmly. He doesn’t make eye contact, staring just past you instead. Your smile fades. You don’t know what, but something is up with him - and for whatever reason, he doesn’t seem to want to tell you about it. Not your favorite thing in the world, but you decide to drop it for now.

“So,” you start, changing the subject. “Seungcheol told me you got into NYU, I didn’t even know you applied! When did you find out?”

“Oh yeah. I got the letter, um… about a week ago.” He mumbles the end of his sentence as he glances down, suddenly very interested in his shoelaces.

“A week ago?” you ask with genuine surprise. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t get the chance to yet,” he replies, but you both know it's a terrible fib.

“What do you mean? We were hanging out all weekend, dummy,” you say in a lighthearted tone, nudging him in the arm. But you are a little hurt to find out that he was keeping that information from you.

“I just… didn’t think of it,” he tells you. He runs his hand through his hair, giving you a sheeping smile. “Sorry babe,” he adds.

“Soooo…” you prompt, but he doesn’t answer your unspoken question.

“So… what?”

“Are you going to accept it?”

“Oh. Um, well I suppose I have to think about it.”

“Oh.”

You had talked casually about college numerous times, of course. You are seniors after all, it’s the only thing on everyone’s minds at this point in the school year. But all your conversations were had with the assumption that you were both going to Columbia - something you had both been planning on for years, even before you started dating. Since when had Jeonghan had a change of heart? Relax, you tell yourself. Just because he was accepted doesn’t mean he’s going to go there. But a sinister hunch lurks in the back of your mind.

He’s going to a different school because he’s planning to break up with you.

You force yourself to stop. You know you shouldn’t make any assumptions without at least talking to him first. But standing here, right in front of the school on a random Tuesday, doesn’t feel like the right place to have that conversation.

“Well,” Jeonghan pipes up before you can say anything else. “Speaking of the devil, I have to go meet Seungcheol. Says he needs me to fix his computer.” He gives you a cocky smirk. “Bet you five bucks it’s just not plugged in.”

He gives you a quick one-armed hug with a kiss on the cheek.

“Catch you later.”

“See ya,” you respond quietly, but he’s already walking off toward the parking lot.

The beefy Mustang engine roars to life as Jeonghan turns the ignition. He reaches for the first cassette he sees, inserting it into the tape deck and cranking the stereo volume. A melancholic tune blasts from the speakers as The Smiths begin to play, causing him to frown. As much as he likes this song, he doesn’t really want to listen to “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want” right now. But he doesn’t have the energy to search for a different tape right now, so it is what it is.

He stares out into the schoolyard, mindlessly watching some jocks throw a football back and forth. But they evidently get bored of that and head over to the group of cheerleaders, a couple of the girls practically throwing themselves at their boyfriends - one couple even starts to make out right there, tongue and all. Jeonghan grimaces, throwing the transmission into reverse and quickly backing the fuck out of the parking spot.

The drive home consists of more sad songs and too much thinking. He knows he should have told you about the letter sooner. He was waiting to find the right time, the right way to say it - but he should’ve known better than to tell Seungcheol if he wanted to keep it a secret. He didn’t blame Cheol, because he hasn’t even told his best friend yet that he has to break up with you.

A car honking snaps him out of the pensive trance he didn’t realize he had entered. He glances up at the stoplight, discovering that it had in fact turned green. He shifts the car into gear and takes off, trying to think about literally anything else - but he can’t get his mind off of you. He is painfully aware that he’s being a fucking idiot. He’s in love with you. Hell, he can’t think about the future without you being there - but that’s the whole problem. Because as wonderful as you are, he simply doesn’t believe you feel the same way about him. He’s convinced himself going to college with you will only end up with you realizing that you can do so much better than him.

And that’s why he has to end things before you have the chance to break his heart.

[two weeks later]

The beating sun reflects off the sidewalk, hurting your eyes even as you sit on a shaded bench. It’s not particularly hot, but the cloudless spring day sure is making you wish you had brought some sunglasses with you. You close your eyes, slumping further into the bench as you wait. And wait. And wait. But Jeonghan doesn’t show.

Maybe he just genuinely forgot, but that’s what you thought the first time. And the second time. But this is the third fucking time he’s stood you up. You had a suspicion he’d been avoiding you, and by now he’s all but confirmed it.

Finally, you detect the familiar rumble of a Mustang engine approaching. You open your eyes, spotting the blue vehicle speeding into the parking lot. Its brakes squeal to a stop as the driver pulls up in front of the mall entrance. Sighing, you get up and shuffle over to the car, flinging the door open and plopping into the passenger seat.

“You’re late.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan mumbles. You see him looking at you sheepishly out of the corner of your eye, but you don’t meet his gaze.

“You’re really late,” you say coldly, staring out the window at nothing. “What’s your excuse today?”

“I just lost track of time-”

“I’ve been waiting for you for AN HOUR,” you shoot back, turning your head to face him. “I could have walked home by now!”

He looks down, resting his hand upon the stick shift.

“I feel really bad, y/n, I’m really sorry.”

“That’s what you said last time,” you mutter, crossing your arms.

Sighing, he shifts the car into drive and takes off.

“Do you still want to go grab a bite?”

“I already ate. I want to go home.”

The drive back to your street is silent, with only the radio humming at a barely audible level. He pulls up in front of your house; you go to exit the car, but he reaches out for your arm.

“Wait,” he says softly, his fingers brushing against your skin. “Please.”

You look back at him - the apologetic look on his face is sincere, but that doesn’t make you any less upset.

“Jeonghan, you can’t keep doing shit like this. You’re acting like you don’t even want to be around me anymore.”

“No, babe, that’s not true-”

“Did I do something?”

“What?” he questions. “No, no you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why are you acting like this?”

“I…” he sighs, staring back at the steering wheel. He shakes his head, his words trailing off. You wait for him to say something - anything - but he doesn’t.

“Fine,” you exhale, exasperated. “Call me when you’re ready to actually fucking talk to me.”

You throw open the car door, slamming it shut and storming off into the house. Your lip quivers, eyes watering as frustration swells in your chest, but you swallow it.

Jeonghan stares after you until you disappear through the door. He drops his head, burying his face in folded arms against the steering wheel. With a groan, he drives the remaining couple hundred feet and parks in his own driveway. He cranks the stereo up, “Love Will Tear Us Apart” blaring through the speakers - perhaps the worst possible song to be playing right now. He lets out a haughty laugh at the irony, laughter quickly turning into tears spilling from his eyes.

Nice going jackass, he chastises himself as anger wells within him. You’ve really fucked this up now.

Inside your bedroom, you throw yourself on your bed. You stare off into space, but there’s too much shit in your peripheral vision around the room that reminds you of him. You roll over, shoving your face into the pillow, letting out a dejected groan.

You don’t know what to do, so you just let yourself cry.

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