#★ ∗ ∘ ∙ 034. steven crain

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nell going to steve looking terrified when she’s first a ghost 

steve going to luke and sending that ghost away 

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*    @wistcrias​​    —    STEVEN  &  SAVANNAH:   PLOTTING  /  STARTER  CALL 

THEY’VE   MET   BEFORE,   AND   THAT’S   HARDLY   UNUSUAL.         two   authors   with   similar   subject   matter,   if   not   completely   antithetical   worldviews   and   philosophies   on   said   subject   matter,   crossing   paths   happens   more   often   than   you   might   think.      this   time,   they’re   crossing   paths   in   williamsburg   while   steve   is   researching   for   his   new   book.            “      savannah   woodham,      ”            he   greets,   smile   only   half   dread.      the   way   she   looks   at   him   .   .   .      it’s   unsettling   at   the   best   of   times.            “      why   am   i   not   surprised   to   see   you   here.      ”   

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*    @sunpathos​​    —    STEVEN  &  SHIRLEY:   PLOTTING  /  STARTER  CALL 

SHIRL   IS   IN   THE   MIDDLE   OF   OPENING   UP   HER   BUSINESS.         she   and   kevin   are   so   fucking   busy,   and   money   is   tight,   and   to   top   it   all   off,   they’re   trying   for   a   baby.      and   god   knows   steve   doesn’t   have   much   money   to   speak   of,   already   drowning   in   debt   from   school,   trying   to   jump   start   his   career,   too.      but   here   they   are,   cold   coffee   on   the   table   between   them,   trying   to   work   through   shit   they   don’t   know   how   to   begin   to   handle.            “      i   mean,   this   place   seems   good,      ”            he   mumbles   tiredly,   his   shoulders   brushing   his   sister’s   as   they   peruse   rehab   pamphlets      —      what   a   weird   thing      —      in   his   and   leigh’s   kitchen.            “      really   good,   actually   .   .   .      ”   

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*    @willowdied​​    —    A  LIE  SERVED  AS  IF  IT  WERE  THE  DAILY  BREAD  AND  WINE. 

STEVE   NODS   WHERE   HE   SITS,   LEANT   AGAINST   THE   BACK   OF   HIS   COUCH.         luke   is   sitting   at   his   apartment’s   dining   table,   steve   near   him   with   his   arms   crossed,   head   down,   having   just   relayed   .   .   .      more   shit   than   he   cared   to   ever   imagine   was   in   their   family’s   closet.            “      yeah.      a   whole   lot   of   lies   .   .   .      ”            luke’s   metaphor   is   fitting:      lies   have   fed   them   growing   up,   since   the   day   they   leave   hill   house,   more   than   anything   else.            “      you   know,   i      —      i   didn’t   know   about   all   of   it,   right?      or   i   didn’t   .   .   .      ”            he   shakes   his   head,   throat   choking   up   once   again.      christ,   when   is   the   last   time   he’s   cried   this   much?            “      i   didn’t   .   .   .      remember.      ”            it   doesn’t   assuage   the   guilt   he   feels,   and   he   doesn’t   want   it   to.      he   just   needs   luke   to   know      —      to   know   that   it   was   never   .   .   .      on   purpose.   

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*    @willowdied​​    —    I  HATE  HALLOWEEN. 

STEVE   KEEPS   TRYING   TO   MAKE   THINGS   NORMAL.         they’re   not   going   to   be   though,   no   matter   how   hard   he   tries.      aunt   janet   is   trying,   too,   but   so   far   it’s   not   worked   out   so   well.      he   sits   on   the   edge   of   theo   and   shirl’s   bed.      it’s   just   theo   in   here   right   now   though      —      just   him   and   his   little   sister,   who’s   never   seemed   very   ‘little’   at   all.            “      there’s   gonna   be   a   lot   of   candy,      ”            he   offers   hopefully.            “      you   don’t   really   have   to   wear   a   costume   or   anything.      but   you   could   at   least   come   with   us?      ”            it’s   going   to   be   hard   enough   to   get   luke   to   go   trick   or   treating;      having   theo   along   would   help.   

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*    @willowdied​​    —    [  FROM  NELL  ]   ARE  YOU  AROUND? 

[      NELLIE   :      ]         i’m   working,   but   i’m   home,   yeah. [      NELLIE   :      ]         everything   okay?      do   you   need   to   talk?

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*    @herhaunt​​    —    I  NEVER  WANTED  ANYTHING  FROM  YOU. 

STEVE   ISN’T   SURE   WHAT   WOULD   BE   WORSE.         it   being   the   truth,   and   him   just   carrying   a   lot   more   than   he   needed   to,   half   killing   himself   time   after   time   in   the   process;      or   it   being   a   lie,   and   even   nell   still   not   seeing   the   ways   they’ve   all   asked   and   asked   of   him,   even   without   asking.      either   way,   this   isn’t   going   to   be   a   great   conversation,   given   how   it’s   started.   

he   runs   a   hand   over   his   face,   suddenly   deeply   exhausted.            “      nell   .   .   .      i   don’t   know   what   you   want   me   to   say   to   that,      ”            he   replies.      there   is   more   tiredness   than   frustration   .   .   .    �� but   the   frustration   is   still   there   all   the   same.            “      i   take   care   of   you.      that’s   my   job.      i   take   care   of   all   of   you,   but   especially   you   and   luke.      ”         he   tries   to   anyway.      probably   doesn’t   do   too   great   of   a   job,   considering   how   both   of   them   have   turned   out.            “      and   you   don’t   want   that?      you   never   needed   that?      ”   

that’s   a   different   thing,   need   and   want.      but   steve   doesn’t   care      —      not   when   both   are   just   as   important.