#⋮ ▽ ⋮ ❛ all i've done now & all i've said & all i've read; it was for real. ⟨ ANSWERED ⟩
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BDSMaid - Chapter 9
Series Summary: In order to save money for law school, you accept a job working as a maid for high end clients. You aren’t supposed to know whose home you’re cleaning, but your curiosity is peaked by your first client, and when the two of you have a shocking and surprising run in more than just your curiosity peaks. Word Count: 5k CW: see small red lettering below the cut AN: I'm going to miss them!! I'm absolutely heartbroken that I'm done, but so fucking proud of myself for what I've created. Thank you to @lotusbxtch for being my beta from pretty much the very beginning. I am so grateful to you and so honoured (yes, with a u because I'm Canadian lol) to call you my friend. Also little shoutouts to @for-a-longlongtime, @alltheirdamn, @mermaidgirl30 and @littlevenicebitch69 for listening to me go on about them for 80% of 2024. As always, graphics and dividers by @saradika-graphics
My Masterlist || Series Masterlist
TW: unprotected p in v, one spank, multiple orgasms and Overstim hinted at, pining, heartbreak
Eight Months Later
Joel
“I got yelled at by a feisty brunette last night at that gala,” Tommy says as the two of them sip whiskey at the bar of the club.
“Probably deserved it.” Joel deadpans and closes the folder of invoices he’s looking over.
He should be doing this in his fancy, and newly renovated, office across the street. He was in the large office for all of three minutes the day after you left when he could only see the ghost of you. From the chair you sat in when you first asked him to teach you how to be a sub, to the door he pinned you against and confessed how out of his mind he was over you, everything was you, and it had to go if he had any chance of following what you needed from him. Joel hasn’t even been in his room at the club out of the fear of what it would do to him. Would I still be able to smell the lavender of her shampoo in there? Still be able to hear her beautiful cries of pleasure and pain bouncing off the walls?
“She thought I was you,” Tommy says, glancing over at his brother and interrupting Joel’s impending spiral.
Joel sighs, slipping his reading glasses from his face before taking a long pull of the amber liquor from his crystal glass. Tommy looks straight ahead as he continues.
“She’s doing great, by the way. Or at least that’s what her friend said when she was scolding me.”
Joel winces at his words, “Of course she is, Tommy.” Even though it's been almost a year since you left, just the mention of you rips his barely-mended heart back in half. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, he still feels like he did in his kitchen.
The very fibers of his being ache just as hard for you now as they did then. He longs to see you and touch you, to feel your warm, soft skin under his hands again. Anyone before you was always, ‘Yes, Mister Miller,’ even when they weren’t in a scene; but not you. You weren’t afraid to be curious and unapologetically yourself. He hasn’t laughed as hard with anyone, including Tiffany, as he did with you. But the part that he misses the most is the way you look at him the first time you see him. Your eyes soften, velvety pink lips parting slightly before they curl into a smile that makes his heart hammer behind his ribs. Then, he watches your shoulders relax and it makes him feel like he hung the moon and stars for you, and if he could have, he would have.
He clears his throat and then rasps, “She’s too smart to not be doing well.”
Tommy stands, bringing his hands to rub at Joel's shoulders. He squeezes his tense deltoid muscles and with a hint of mischief in his voice he says, “Lots of pretty girls here tonight if you feel like moving on.”
Joel shakes his head and pulls away from Tommy’s grasp with a grunt. “Never gonna happen. Get outta here before you get yelled at two nights in a row.”
“Just too bad for me that you aren’t a hot brunette,” Tommy says with a laugh.
“I have brown hair,” Joel replies defensively, running his fingers through the grown out curls.
“Not to kick you when you’re down, but it’s mostly grey at this point.”
Joel holds up a single finger at Tommy over his shoulder as he laughs and walks away.
Two and a half years later
You
You’ve been up to your eyeballs in studying as you prepare for your finals. These last few years in California have been the hardest yet most fulfilling time of your life. Two nights in a row now, you’ve fallen asleep in the library, only waking when your Spotify would switch from the white noise playlist you use to help you focus, to your “getting ready” playlist. After dragging yourself to your dorm room in the dead of the night, you’d get a few restless hours of sleep before heading right back to your favourite studying spot. You can’t believe that in just a few short weeks you’ll be graduating and stepping into the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself.
The unmistakable FaceTime jingle fills your AirPods. Jamie’s name is splayed across the screen of your phone, along with a photo of the two of you at Albany Beach when she visited this past Christmas break. You put your highlighter down and slide the answer toggle over.
“Hey!” She says, her warm smile shining up at you. You squint, trying to place where she is. You don’t often let yourself think of Joel, but the cracks across your screen make FaceTiming difficult, and the selfish side of you always wishes you had grabbed that new phone before you left. Your head cocks to the side; broken screen or not, you don’t recognize the background.
“Where are you?” You ask.
“Oh, I’m good, thanks. How are you?” She jests with a mocking eye roll. “I’m at a cabin.”
“What cabin?” You say, glaring at her jokingly. A deep laugh comes from the otherside of the phone and your eyes widen. “Who’s that?”
The man's voice comes from offscreen, “I can’t believe you thought she wouldn’t ask where you were. She’s going to be a lawyer, for god's sake.”
“Jamie, who is that? What is going on here? Blink twice if you need rescuing!” You joke.
Jamie blushes, looking over the phone at whoever that voice is coming from. “I just wanted to call to see how the studying is going, and to let you know that I got the graduation tickets.”
A glass of white wine appears in front of Jamie and she smiles before puckering her lips in a kissing motion towards the man in the room with her. “Ok, seriously, who the fuck is that and where are you?”
“I was also calling to let you know that Laren can’t make it anymore and Odette is in New York,” she takes a small sip of her wine.
“Oh, well that’s ok,” you say, trying to squash the disappointment and hoping it doesn’t show in your voice or face. You wished that at least two of your three best friends would be there for you. “It can just be me and you, baby!”
“Well…I’m wondering if I could maybe bring my boyfriend? Might be a good opportunity for you two to meet.”
“What? What boyfriend?” You say, officially abandoning all study materials until you get some answers. Jamie raises a perfectly manicured finger and calls the mystery man over.
You swallow hard as Tommy Miller appears beside her.
Jamie glances up at him, her bright green eyes full of admiration, his mirroring hers. The starry look in their eyes tells you everything you need to know; they’re so far gone for that even a search and rescue team wouldn’t be able to save them. She looks back at you. “Meet again, I guess.”
You try to push for answers, but either of them give in, claiming you need to focus on finals. Before you hang up, Jamie promises to tell you the entire story when you see each other next. You’re happy for your friend, especially seeing the way Tommy looked back at her. Even through your cracked screen you could see the love, but as you try to go back to studying you have a hollow feeling in your stomach.
Graduation Day
You
The late afternoon sun fills your dorm room, boxes of your belongings stacked haphazardly around you. After walking the stage tonight, you are going out to dinner with Jamie and Tommy, and then he has paid for a hotel suite so the two of you can have a girls’ night. You can’t wait to hear how Tommy went from, in Jamie’s previous words, “my dad’s new asshole friend” to her boyfriend.
You step in front of your floor length mirror, zipping up the black graduation gown over your knee length, form fitting, deep emerald velvet dress. The California sun has been good to you, your tanned legs and sunkissed nose and cheeks are glowing. You place your blue and yellow Berkeley Law stole over your head and then grab your cap, ensuring the ‘Class of ‘28’ tassel is secure. You fluff your curls one last time as a light knock comes from your door.
“Ready to graduate, gorgeous?” Ronan smiles at you, eyes trailing down your gown. He’s the type of handsome that’s almost painful to look at, but more importantly - you wouldn’t have made it through these last three years without him. You met the first day - the lock on your door wasn’t working, and he waltzed in on you half naked when he mistook your room as his.
You smile at him in your doorway now; remembering the way you screamed at him that first time, trying to cover your chest, and him scrambling to close the door. His eyes were clamped shut, and he slammed his finger so hard that you had to take him for stitches. Now, several years later, he fills out his graduation gown perfectly with those wide rugby shoulders, a sight you couldn’t even have imagined back then. Whichever angel made him didn’t make a single mistake - he’s tall and insanely broad, with dark sandy blonde hair, and clover green eyes that in the right light are a golden hazel. He’s easily one of the smartest men you’ve ever met and an incredible athlete. The cherry on top, because of course there’s more: he’s an international student and has a panty-melting Irish accent.
“Beyond ready. Let's become lawyers, babe.”
He steps aside, one arm out in a ‘ladies first’ gesture. Handsome, charming, and thoughtful - a dangerous trifecta. You slide your hand in the crook of his muscle-lined arm and walk across campus together.
Ronan jerks his head towards the coffee cart. “Remember when you spilled your entire coffee on your new puffer jacket?”
You glare up at him, you saved for weeks to buy that jacket. “No, but I remember you throwing up in that trash can after the Halloween party last year.”
“Well, if Beach Party Barbie had helped Lifeguard Ken with all those shots we wouldn’t have had that problem, would we?” You laugh as Ronan puffs out his chest, but you both know he was more than willing to take your half of the ‘Best Couples Costume' shots.
Finally, you reach the courtyard where the law students will be walking across a stage that acts as the symbolic bridge to the rest of their lives. I’m a lawyer, you think to yourself and try to force a smile. The magnitude of the day only really starts to sink into your bones as you see the friends and families of your classmates start to take their seats. The excited feeling you had earlier starts to morph. You’re proud of yourself for what you’ve done these last three years, and this was just the first step. You have so much to look forward to, so why do you feel a sense of dread building in the pit of your stomach?
Ronan walks you to where you need to line up alphabetically, kissing your cheek and then, after leaning in and placing his large hand on your lower back, he whispers a joke about how you better not trip. You glance around the thick crowd for Jamie and Tommy. After realizing it’s hopeless to try and spot them in a group this large, you slip your cap over your hair and get in the procession line.
You try to soak in every minute of the day, from the speeches to the birds chirping in the background, but something akin to loss flutters at the base of your spine. You’re just as sad to be leaving Berkely as you are excited to carve out your future. Leaving here isn’t what’s causing you to feel this way, however. You try to tell yourself that maybe it’s just nerves; even with all the job offers coming in from your internships, it’s normal to be nervous about what comes next.
As the student union president gives his toast to the family and friends, you look down at your lap, pushing back the cuticle on your left thumb. Maybe it’s leaving Ronan. He’s been an anchor for you, grounding you almost every day of the last three years and you don’t know how you let yourself become this dependent on anyone, especially a man, again.
You shake your head at yourself and try to move your focus to the cuticle on your other thumb. Seeing the skin clean from the nail bed eases the tension slightly for you. ‘I’m allowed to be nervous when leaning on people, but not everyone will leave me,’ you recite almost automatically in your mind, the mantra you’ve had these past few years whenever you feel yourself getting this anxious. Just as you finish the thought, a car revs in the distance and the realization of what - or who - you’re actually missing slams through you so hard that you almost feel winded. Your lungs ache, tears pushing behind your eyes as his name rings loudly through your mind.
Joel.
You kept yourself busy since the minute you left Austin. The busier you were, the less time you had to focus on the void in your heart. During the school year, you didn’t have to find things to stay busy with; law school nearly chewed you up and spit you out. Over the summers, you worked as an intern and visited your friends. There was never a quiet moment, never too much time alone with your thoughts, and it was better this way. You can confidently say that you’d only thought of Joel six times since you walked out of his house that day: when you fell asleep on the beach and were so sunburnt you could barely move for three days; when you failed your first test; when your rusted SUV, that acted as your ticket to freedom at eighteen, died on the freeway in rush hour (from that point on you had to rely on public transportation to get you to the homes you cleaned). When you experienced your first earthquake; when you stayed up for forty-two hours straight after your partner in a group project didn’t have their side of the work done; and, lastly, this past New Year’s Eve when you were in Austin and thought you saw him at a party.
“Is he here?”, that little box of feelings that you shut away in a vault long ago wonders. “Has anything changed for him in the last three years?”
The small smile that pulls at your cheeks, and the excited flutter of your heart when you think about the possibility of seeing him again, proves that maybe nothing has changed for you. As the minutes tick by, your mind races with all the possible scenarios for after the ceremony. What if he is here? What will you say? What will he say? How will Ronan react, you know he has strong feelings about what happened between you and Joel. Even worse though, what if he’s not here? But maybe he’s at the hotel where Tommy and Jamie are staying?
Before you know it, your row is standing and walking single file towards the stage. With each strike of your high-heeled strappy sandals against the concrete, a memory of Joel floods your system. The toast he made you in his kitchen, the kiss in that dimly lit hallway on your birthday, the way he walked you through his club and how calmly he talked about you being in charge before going into the voyeur room. The multitude of orgasms he gave you within the four walls of his private room. Him singing on the small stage of the dive bar you found, followed by him spanking you right there in the bathroom with his hand clamped to your face to keep you quiet. His strong hand grasping your thigh as he drove you to his house. The way he tasted on your tongue. The smell of his skin: all ash and leather, occasionally mixed with whiskey or mint. The feel of his body: hard, broad and hot. His shuddered breaths as he confessed so many things in so few words.
‘It’s only you, sweet girl.’
‘Just call me Joel.’
‘I know, and I’m so proud of you, sweet girl.’
You carefully walk up the stairs, forcing the thoughts of Joel from your mind, just in time to hear your name announced as a graduate of Berkeley Law. You float across the stage, grabbing the piece of paper that acts as your degree until the real one comes, shaking the hand of the Dean who flips your tassel before you walk to the stairs on the other side; the stairs that symbolize the ending of your time here and the beginning of the rest of your life.
As you reach the top of the steps, you look out into the audience and see Jamie. She pumps her fist in the air and before you can process the empty seat beside her, you feel it; a strong tug from behind your navel. It takes you less than a heartbeat to find him and the sight before you floods your body with a familiar warmth. Standing under a large tree at the edge of the audience, dressed in all black, and holding his Stetson hat to his heart, is Joel. For the first time in years you feel whole again.
You keep your gaze on him, worried that if you so much as blink that he’ll be gone. You are supposed to follow your classmates, but you veer left, walking towards Joel. The closer you get, the more at ease you feel. He’s real, you think, he’s here. You stop a foot or so in front of him.
“Hi, Freckles,” he whispers, his voice cracking slightly. His eyes dance around your face, almost as if he’s trying to memorize this moment. You can’t help but wonder if he’s feeling exactly how you are.
“Hi, Sweet Cheeks,” you say, the same tremble in your voice, as you try desperately to hold it together. “You’re here.”
He nods and you give him a tight-lipped smile as your mind races. There’s so much you want to say, but now that he’s standing right there in front of you after three years, you don’t know where to start.
Joel breaks the silence, jutting his chin in the direction of the other graduates as he says, “I saw you come in with your boyfriend. When I saw you kiss, I was going to leave, but I made you a promise.”
You knit your eyebrows together and take a step closer. “Boyfriend?”
“The man you walked over here with,” Joel says, his black Stetson sliding down the chest you so desperately want to touch as he drops his hands to his sides. He’s left no barriers between the two of you except the heartbreak that’s evident on his face.
You laugh quietly, “No, he’s - that’s Ronan.”
Joel nods. “Okay.”
“He’s my friend,” you clarify, and when Joel’s face stays the same, you add, “And he’s still as gay as the day we first met!”
Joel lets out a whoosh of a breath and closes the distance between the two of you, his free hand comes to one of your curls, twirling the end of it around his thick fingers. Soft and silky meets rough and calloused. “I’m so proud of you, Freckles.”
You don’t miss how he watches your tongue dart between your lips, “Thank you.”
“So? How does it feel?” He gives you a soft crooked smile, his dimple carving into the short facial hair of his salt and pepper beard. Between that smile, and the way his brown eyes wash over you, you’re overcome with affection. He let you go. He did exactly as you asked him. He didn’t chase you or try to convince you to stay. You told him if he really loved you, then he’d do exactly this; and in turn, he did what he said he would.
He showed up.
“I love you,” you state and the air between you turns electric, almost like this moment could either set you both aflame or act as a generator for your future together. Joel gives you that look, the one that makes you feel like you’re the center of his universe. He lets the curled end of your hair slip from his fingers, reaching up towards your graduation cap but hesitating.
“May I?” He rasps and swallows hard.
You nod, and knowing exactly what he’s going for, you take the Stetson from his other hand and place it on your head after he removes your cap. The brim of it blocks out everything but the two of you.
“Say that again, sweet girl,” he murmurs.
“I love you,” it’s barely a whisper this time. “Even after three years apart, you are everything to me. I asked you to let me go so I could accomplish this, and you did. You’ve always done what I asked, what I needed. I’m not sorry for what happened between us, but I am sorry that I missed out on getting to spend the last three years with you looking at me how you are now. I love you, Joel Miller.”
He brings his lips within a breath of yours, and your body practically vibrates with the knowledge that if you leaned just a bit forward, you’d finally have his mouth on you again. You can almost taste the mint on his tongue as the familiar fragrance of ash and leather surround you. “I have dreamed of hearing those three words leave your beautiful lips more times than I can count, baby. You’re it for me. I’ll do anything for you, even if it means breaking my own heart, but I’m always going to be here for you, rooting for you and encouraging you. I’m glad you’re not sorry, because I’m not, I’m so fucking proud of you. I love you, too, my sweet girl.”
Finally, he presses his warm, firm lips against yours while pulling you tight to his body. You wrap an arm around his neck, holding the black cowboy hat against your head with your other hand. It doesn’t matter that the ceremony isn’t done, or that there are hundreds of people to your right. For the first time in three years, everything goes quiet. He hums contentedly and you feel yourself melt against him, tilting your head so he can deepen the kiss. He parts his lips, letting you take the first swipe of your tongue against his. Need floods your system, and based on the way he grinds into you, he’s feeling the same.
He breaks the kiss, but doesn’t go far, resting his forehead against yours. “Take me home,” you practically purr.
“Where do you want home to be? I’ll go anywhere,” Joel rasps, running his nose down the bridge of yours.
“Austin,” you respond, your breath catching as his lips ghost along the side of your mouth.
“I sold my portion of the club to Tommy and Tess. I don’t have anything holding me in Austin anymore, sweet girl. If you have a job offer you really want, that’s where we’ll go.” You pull back to look at him. You can tell by the set of his jaw that he’s serious.
“I want to go to Austin. I have a job offer there.”
“Good thing I told Tommy not to touch my room at the club then.”
“That’s a very good thing,” you moan and then pull him in to kiss again. The audience behind you erupts into cheers, celebrating the accomplishments of every student in that crowd.
You’re a lawyer, and suddenly, the future doesn’t seem so scary.
Joel
Taking you home to Austin that night unfortunately wasn’t an option. After finding Jamie in the crowd, and being formally introduced to Ronan, he called the car to pick up the three of you. You all met Tommy at the restaurant, celebrating with all the expensive homemade pasta and overpriced wine that you wanted; even though seeing you in that curve-hugging velvet dress was slowly killing him. Joel had kept at least one hand on you since seeing you again, and he doesn’t plan on changing that anytime soon.
He didn’t want to rush you on your big night, so he waited patiently, listening to you tell stories of your last three years, and revelling in the evident joy that you and Jamie share over being together again. When dessert comes around he catches Tommy’s attention and gives him a small smile. It’s fitting that the two brothers, who have been so close their entire lives, would fall in love with best friends.
Once in his room, he spent two hours stripping you down at an almost painfully slow pace. He kissed every inch of your skin twice over and has pulled five orgasms, and counting, out of you so far.
Now, Joel is seated in the wide velvet arm chair in the corner of his hotel suite. His cock is buried deep inside of your tight cunt as you straddle him. Your skin feels like butter under his hands as he trails them along your back and the globes of your perfect ass. He’s missed tying you up, but this is what he longed for: the earth shattering intimacy he feels with you in these moments.
“Please,” you mumble into his neck, desperate to move your hips.
“Not until you answer me,” he demands softly. “How many times was it that you needed me, but were too stubborn to reach out?”
Earlier tonight you told him about the six times you really needed him. He’d kissed you softly after each confession, returning the trust with a time he needed you. After the last one, he’d pulled back to look at you with dark eyes. He’d hated that you needed him and he couldn’t be there. He’d clenched his back molars twice before he said you’d be denied six orgasms the next time you were at the club, but tonight you have permission to come as often as you need to.
He swats your already reddened ass cheek and your pussy flutters as you cry out. “Mister Miller, stop. Please, just let me move.”
“Do you need to use your safeword?”
“No,” you respond with a pout.
“How many times?” He says again through gritted teeth, even though already knows the answer.
“Six,” you sob.
He tuts and then growls, “That doesn’t sound like my good girl, does it?”
You shake your head against his throat and moan a sound of disagreement.
“Do you want to come for me again?”
“Yes, Mister Miller. Please!”
He trails his fingers up and down your back again, the thin sheen of sweat on your skin makes it easy for him to caress you. He smiles to himself at the shiver that racks through your body at his touch. You react so beautifully to him. “Yeah? You wanna grind your swollen little clit on my piercing, baby girl?”
“Please,” you whine again, stretching out all the vowels in the word.
“Show me. Ride my cock, take what you need.”
You lift your head from the crook in his neck and pull back slightly, rocking your hips back and forth; a sultry laugh leaves his lips at your eagerness. You look at him with hooded eyes, hair stuck to your forehead. His eyes trail down your neck to the bruises he sucked into your collar bone earlier and then to your breasts; both of which are covered in his marks. He watches the little gold nipple clamps, and the chain that connects them, bounce with each flick of your hips.
“That’s it, sweet girl. You look like a goddess, my goddess. Who do you belong to?”
“I’m yours, baby,” you say through shallow breaths. He pulls at the chain and you cry out in pain. “S-sorry, Mister Miller.”
“Again, sweet girl. Tell me who you belong to.”
“Oh fuck, y-you, Mist -” his hands come to your face and when he whispers your name the rest of your sentence dies on your tongue.
“Just call me Joel.” The commanding voice of his alter ego is gone as he says it.
Your hips slow, changing from a frantic back and forth to a sensual swirling motion. “I’m yours, Joel. Forever.”
He kisses you softly, a silent telling of how vulnerable he is at this moment. “Don’t ask me to let you go ever again.”
The smile you give him causes his heart to skip, “I won’t.”
“You might, sweet girl. I won't survive it if you do, so I’m going to remind you of this moment as often as possible for the rest of my life. Remind you how much you’re loved and supported. You’re mine, Freckles.” Your hips swirl and he feels you tighten up around him. “Come for me, my sweet girl.”
“Fuck, fuck, Joel!” It’s a cry and moan all at once.
“I’m here, it’s ok, baby.” With that, your body shudders and you fall into him as you shatter. Your pussy clenches and releases rapidly around his length. His cock twitches, and once he can’t hold it anymore he relaxes, letting his orgasm rock through him in time with yours.
“I’m yours, too,” he gasps as he melts into you.
The End
Coming Soon:
Curious how Jamie ended up with her "dads new asshole friend?"
Part 2 of the BDSMaid Trilogy coming mid 2025!
Also, stay tuned for the epilogue for Joel and Sweet Girl.
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You decided, on a random Thursday in december, that you were going to give each of the 2025 rookies a visit, to congratulate them on getting into F1.
Warnings: this is kinda wild but not very explicit, it's more about the dynamics than the actual smut, I'm trying to set stuff up for the 2025 season, biting kink, gym sex, kitchen sex, oral sex, anal sex, very bad flirting, half of this was written while blackout drunk
Part 10, and epilogue to One of the Boys
It was also to show them a little of what they would be fighting for next year, along with the trophies.
You went to see Ollie first, him being the one you knew best.
He'd done 3 races in 2024 and you'd gotten to know him a bit when you two would chat during weekends where he wasn't driving.
You'd sent him a text, you were staying in Italy for a few days and you should hang out sometime.
He readily agreed.
You showed up at his house one sunny afternoon, and he answered the doorbell with his usual grin.
He was also shirtless, wearing gray sweats, and his hair was dripping wet.
“I just had a shower” he said apologetically.
You raised an eyebrow at him. “I can see that”
“Come on in!” he ushered you inside with enthusiasm “Don't mind the mess, it's laundry day”
You giggled at his nervous disposition. He was fidgeting with his hands.
“I don't care Ollie, I'm not here to comment on your tidiness”
His nervous grin turned into a genuine smile and he visibly relaxed a bit.
“Right, yeah of course. Uh do you want a drink?”
It was your turn to grin at him.
“Would love one! What have you got?”
“I've got like… loads of fruit juice.”
You frowned curiously. “What do you mean loads?”
You ended up staring at all the bottles lined up in his fridge door. The tension was palpable, you hadn't said a word in a whole minute as you read all the different labels.
“Like… seven or… eight… maybe nine different kinds?”
“Is this weird? I feel like it's weird” he finally piped up sheepishly.
You picked up the bottle of passion fruit juice and stared at it, before turning towards him with a barely concealed smirk.
“I didn't know you were so… passionate about fruit juice”
He looked at you in disbelief and you dissolved into a fit of giggles.
“Simple orange will do me fine thank you, Ollie” you wiped your tears of laughter away while he rolled his eyes.
“I can't believe I just bared my soul to you and you're making puns about it” he scoffed, but he was smiling as he took a couple of glasses out of the cupboard and filled them.
“Well, you are the bare- man”
“Oh my god” he groaned “I hate you”
You laughed and the tension seeped out of the room as you bantered back and forth like you always did.
“So-” he eventually asked, eyeing you suspiciously “What actually brings you to Italy?”
You were sat on top of the kitchen table, next to Ollie who was sat on a chair.
“What? Can't I come and visit my friends?”
“Friends…Plural?” he asked teasingly.
“Yeah, you're actually the first on my little trip, I'm also going to see Kimi and Gabriel in the next couple of days…”
He raised an eyebrow and hummed in surprise.
“Are you, now?” the sarcasm was dripping from his tone and he held back a laugh as he took another sip from his juice.
You frowned suspiciously at him. “What's that supposed to mean?”
He put his glass down, considering his next words carefully.
“You know… Franco has told me a few things…” his eyes bore into yours and you shivered under his intense gaze, gesturing for him to continue.
“…about the private party in Monaco”
“Colapinto…” you tutted “One of these days that mouth of his is going to get him in trouble”
You put your own glass down before adding “I'll be having a word with him. And you'd better not share whatever he told you with anyone else”
He smirked, finishing his glass before standing up to put it in the sink.
“Of course not…” he muttered as he turned around and stalked towards you “We wouldn't want my mouth getting me into any trouble, would we?”
He stopped inches away from you, hands leaning on the table either side of you, effectively caging you in.
“Or can I get into a little bit of trouble every now and then?”
You weren't sure where his brazenness had come from, but his lazy smirk was getting you hot all over. You glanced at his lips, and he caught the movement.
“Little Oliver Bearman?” you goaded him “he would never get into any trouble! He's an angel…”
Your breaths mingled as he leaned in, painfully slowly, his pupils dilating as he closed the gap.
“We'll see about that” his lips lightly brushed yours, and you could feel him smiling, tempting, daring you to make a move.
You did, you crumbled, leaning forwards and joining your lips heatedly.
He tasted like oranges and sugar, and when you deepened the kiss he closed the space between your bodies, leaving absolutely no room for Jesus as he immediately started rocking his hips against yours, and you realised he definitely wasn't wearing any underwear.
He took you right there on the kitchen table.
He ate you out first, proving to you that his mouth was, in fact, trouble.
Then he worshipped you with his hands while he reduced you to a puddle of goo on his cock.
After, he asked if you wanted to stay the night, hang out, watch a movie or something.
You agreed without hesitation.
…
You secretly, desperately hoped the Haas wasn't going to be a glorified wheelbarrow next season.
Next on your list was Gabriel, and if his response to your message was anything to go by, he had definitely been briefed by Fernando beforehand.
It took all of ten minutes of you crossing the threshold of his apartment, before he had you on your knees for him, swallowing around him as he looked down at your tear stained cheeks with nothing but hunger in his eyes.
“Meu deus-” he groaned “Fernando was right, you do have a mouth worth fighting for”
You hummed and took him deeper, sucking him down as far as you could, and it didn't take long for him to come with a shout down your throat.
Once again you stayed the night, and in the morning he very kindly repaid you with three orgasms.
One with you sitting on his face, one with his fingers dragging you to the edge of ecstasy with insane precision, and the last one with him bucking up into you while you held onto him for dear life.
He was a lot of fun, that was undeniable.
…
But unfortunately for both of you, their really wasn't much hope for the Sauber.
Your tour of Italy ended in Kimi's apartment.
And he had obviously not been briefed.
He didn't seem like he had any inkling whatsoever about why you were there.
When he opened the door he had his airpods in and he was sweating buckets.
He was in the middle of a workout, and had lost track of time.
“I am so sorry” he panted as he let you in “I didn't realise it was already time”
You laughed at his panicked expression.
“It s fine, Kimi. Just finish your workout I'm not in a rush.”
He didn't seem to pick up on the way your hands lingered on his body when you hugged.
So you watched him do the last part of his routine: weights.
It was hard not to salivate. He'd rolled up his sleeves so that his arms were on full display, and you swore you saw a little smirk appear when he did.
His biceps were objectively quite shocking in their size compared to the rest of him, and your gaze wandered over his body as it flexed.
You couldn't help notice him repeatedly having to unstick his shirt from his body while grimacing at the feeling, so you took a gamble.
“Kimi, if your shirt is bothering you, you can take it off”
This time he definitely smirked at you.
“Are you sure?” he grabbed the hem of his shirt “I don't want to make you uncomfortable”
You bit the inside of your cheek at his tone, he was definitely trying to tease you.
“Of course.” You giggled “Don't worry, I don't bite”
Something in his gaze darkened and he muttered “that's a shame” before grabbing the back of the shirt and pulling it over his head.
You could honestly say you definitely didn’t moan at the sight of his insane physique.
Whatever went through your head in that moment was between you, and God.
But Kimi could see the look on your face, jaw slack, dark eyes fixed on his sweaty muscles.
You were no better than a man. You licked your lips and he laughed.
“You sure you don't want a bite?” he teased, subtly flexing his arms.
“Why don't you come here and find out?” you tried to sound confident but even to you it wasn't very convincing.
That day, Kimi found out you loved to bite.
And you found out he fucking loved to be bitten… everywhere.
He fucked you on the workout bench. Then on the exercise mat on the floor, and by the end of it he was covered in teeth marks.
His biceps, his neck, his tits, his thighs…
He was going to have trouble explaining those to his physio.
And everything he lacked in experience, he made up for in enthusiasm and endurance.
Two to go…
You were at it for so long the sun had set and you were both pretty hungry so you decided to order take-out before going to bed.
Isack was a bit shy at first, not really knowing what to expect when you showed up at his front door.
You decided to do Paris first, that way you could circle back to Monaco afterwards to see Jack, and then spend a couple of days with Oscar and Lando, like you'd promised.
You sat next to him on the sofa, telling him about your… reward system.
He was hesitant with his touch, hand softly caressing the skin of your thigh as you spoke, but he quickly got into the spirit when you straddled his lap and pulled him in for a kiss.
As soon as your top was off he made sure to give your tits all the attention they deserved with his hands and most of all, his mouth.
It was heavenly when it trailed along your collarbones, nipping and sucking at your skin while his hands made quick work of your clothing.
And once he was inside you, it was his turn to be in heaven.
He was mesmerized by the way his cock disappeared inside you every time you bounced in his lap, his hands tightening around your hips to help you along.
“Putain…” you could tell he was getting close by the strain in his voice as he uttered curses against your skin.
“Can I… inside?” he whined, looking up at you with a pout, those beautiful brown eyes staring into your soul, and you bit your lip at the sight.
“Go on then Isack, fill me up”
He groaned and his hips slammed up to meet yours, letting himself go completely.
…
He then played with your clit lazily, eyes on yours the whole time as he studied your reactions, and he made you come just like that, seated on his softening cock while he made you writhe on top of him.
Monaco was just as sunny as Italy, but there was a slight chill in the air as you knocked on Jack's door.
He opened it seconds later with a massive smirk adorning his features.
“I was wondering if I'd be getting a visit from you during the break”
He winked and let you in, offering you a drink as you made yourself comfortable.
“Seems like word travels fast, then” you blushed as you sipped your drink.
You were already feeling tingly because of the couple of drinks you'd had on the plane, so you didn't hesitate to put your legs up on his lap.
“You have no idea” he chuckled, one of his hands going to stroke your thigh. “I've had quite a few interesting conversations about you”
You rolled your eyes. “I’ve heard that a few times now… I need to teach my boys to be a bit more discreet if they want me to come to the races next year”
He raised an eyebrow, looking at the way his hand was making goosebumps appear on your skin in its wake.
“I'm sure I could do something to convince you”
You put your glass down to disguise the way your heart was racing at the look he was giving you.
“I'm sure you could. But where's the fun in that? They're the ones that have been running their mouths”
He grinned, leaning closer to you.
“If you'll let me take you upstairs, I could show you how I could be running my mouth”
His gaze dropped to your lips, his pupils growing by the second.
“You've given this some thought, haven't you?” you teased, rubbing your calf over where you could feel him, already half hard in his shorts.
“I've had quite a bit of time to think about what I want to do to you” he growled, hands going to hold your hips.
“By all means, then. Take me to bed Jack”
He sprung into action, lifting your body easily and carrying you up the stairs to the bedroom.
Once inside, he stripped you of your clothes and manhandled you onto your front.
“Hips up, whore” he ordered, landing a light smack against your thigh and you gasped at the unexpected show of dominance.
You did as he asked without hesitation, and he chuckled. “Already wet for me and I haven't even touched you”
His resolve crumbled relatively quickly though, and he crawled up behind you to eat you out like a man starved.
But as you trembled in his hold, his attention slowly moved upwards.
Well it was rare that anyone ate your ass, but he was doing so with so much gusto you couldn't help but moan into the pillow you were gripping onto for dear life.
A bottle of lube and a few fingers later, you were spread out under him, your legs having given out embarrassingly early in process.
He was inside you, rocking his hips against yours while your wetness spilled onto the sheets uselessly.
You begged and begged, but no use.
He wasn't usually a selfish lover by any means, there was just something about you that made him want to see you squirming and desperate.
“Whores don't get to have their cunts filled” he said with a mean lilt to his voice. “But I am feeling merciful, so you can come if you can be bothered to do it yourself”
You obeyed without question, reaching down under your body to help yourself along.
He felt you come around him before he heard the high pitched moan come out of your mouth.
Well, you had your work cut out for you with these rookies, and getting to play with them all season long was going to be so much fun, you could feel it.
You clenched so tight around him he had no choice but to finish inside you, rocking against you until you both shuddered in overstimulation.
You stayed the night at Jack's, shooting Oscar and Lando a quick text to let them know you were back in Monaco, and that they would soon be able to collect their Championship prize, just as promised.
#my thots#one of the boys#ollie bearman#gabriel bortoleto#kimi antonelli#isack hadjar#jack doohan#ollie bearman smut#ollie bearman x reader#gabriel bortoleto smut#gabriel bortoleto x reader#kimi antonelli x reader#kimi antonelli smut#isack hadjar smut#isack hadjar x reader#jack doohan smut#jack doohan x reader#f1#formula 1
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IT IS PERFECTION
(I'm the author who could not control the size of the Magical Healing Cock. Which had nothing to do with the ACTUAL size of said cock, for the record.)
The series of events that had to happen for this to exist are just... absolutely ridiculous. And I love them, so much.
I receive Magical Healing Cock as a Dreamling Bingo Prompt
It becomes November when my Writing Overdrive (TM) is activated
Me: I don't know what to write for Magical Healing Cock as my prompt
@seiya-starsniper: What if I showed you screenshots from a Isekai Magical Healing Cock Manga (that I definitely still need to buy now that I'm thinking about it) for inspiration?
Me: WELL THAT'S AN IDEA.
On 11/10, 2:41pm: Oh it's a very tame 7k
On 11/10, 7:16 pm: Oh no it's now 15k and I'm blaming @seiya-starsniper
On 11/11, 1:06am: It's now 20k and not done
On 11/11, 5:32am: It's now 28k and I am ANGY
On 11/11, 3:13pm: It's now 30k and I've figured out how to end it
On 11/11, 9:47pm: It's now 37k and I'm realizing how fast I'm writing this bloody thing
On 11/11, 10pmish: @seiya-starsniper posts the Josh meme with the caption: "I do not control the size of the magical healing cock" (which is effectively something I said multiple times during this madness)
On 11/12, I remind everyone that our server now has magical healing cock spammed all over the starboard because apparently everyone is bloody feral for this shit
On 11/13, I announce that the fic, at 46,000 words, is complete
On 12/27, I see this post on Tumblr, wherein Seiya has submitted the meme made above to OP. I scream over it.
On 1/6, the meme is posted.
On 1/7, I post the first chapter of the 10 chapter fic that is humbly titled (thanks again Seiya): The Dream King Falls in Love - Or: How Dream of the Endless Accidentally Bestowed Magical Essence Into An Immortal Via The Power of Sex
If you would like to read the fic that is this absolute fucking descent into madness, linked below.
LINK TO FIC
req'd by @seiya-starsniper
that one's only in the hands of the author methinks
text: I do not control the size of magical healing cock
#Aria Posts#Dreamling#Fanfic#This fic is batshit insane and I have no idea if it makes sense but I love it
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Damn you
An enemies to lovers story
Shadow x GN Reader
Rating: Mature Minors do not interact
Chapter one: First Day
You arrived on the fourteenth floor, towing your supplies as the receptionist showed you to your office.
"All of our field agents get their own personal office's in order to have privacy when working on investigations, they are soundproof, bulletproof, and are the few rooms in this building without cameras in order to protect sensitive information. That being said all of your electronics will be monitored closely. Any potential treason will be immediately investigated. If you are looking at chao videos we can see it, if you are messaging your romantic partner we will read it, your privacy is a security threat you may have it at home but not here. Do you understand?"
"Yes mam" you replied
"good, now here is your office, and your key, do not lose it. get settled in, at ten you have a meeting with Director Sanders, the head of this department, and Commander Abraham Towers they will give you your first assignment as well as debrief you on how we operate here. Good luck Agent Y/N And welcome to GUN."
with that she left you alone in your office.
you unpacked your items organizing them to your preference. Taking a deep breath you took a small moment to celebrate, you were finally here after so many long years of training, fighting, and countless sleepless nights. A field agent you almost couldn't believe it, you hoped they were proud.
but you couldn't spend the whole day celebrating, there was a job to be done. and you needed your first assignment.
⚫
"You seem to have risen through the rankings at an impressive rate" Director Sanders started.
"Yes sir, I've Dedicated my entire adult life to this Organization and the protection of this planet"
"that's good to hear. I see your parents had a high rankings here as well. does that have anything to do with your decision to join us."
"I'd be lying if I said it didn't, my parents were my hero's. I want to follow in their footsteps."
"They were good soldiers." the Commander interjected. " I was sad to lose them, your mother was an excellent shot, one of the best in the agency. It was hard for a mobian soldier to gain respect back then, but your mother never stopped fighting for it. Much to everyone's surprise, save for your father's and mine, her shot improved after she gave birth to you and your sister. She was never one to back down from a challenge. I can tell you're the same way. Tell me How is Felicity?"
"She's doing well, smart as a whip too. She attends boarding school most of the year. but spends summers with me, I've arranged a nanny for when she visits so I have plenty of time for missions if I am needed."
"Good. speaking of missions, It's about time you received your first mission as a field agent. most of your missions will be given to you by Director Sanders, he is in charge of most field agent operations Any missions given by me immediately become top priority. You are new so you likely won't be given any high profile missions until after you have proven yourself to be proficient do you understand."
"Yes sir I do."
"Good, Now Our servers have picked up an energy signal from an abandoned water treatment facility possibly linked to the Chaos emeralds, your job is to go there find the source and report your findings back to us."
"Understood."
"There will be a helicopter to pick you up and take you to the drop off point, you will have three hours to find the source and get back to the rendezvous point. this facility has been abandoned for decades so you shouldn't run into any trouble, that being said you will be issued your standard G.U.N pistol and bullet proof vest. in case any inconveniences make themselves apparent, you are to deal with them quickly and to your discretion. You will have an hour to get ready before meeting your Helicopter at the launching pad, this should be enough time to collect your equipment and change into your mission gear. you are dismissed. and Y/N."
"Yes Commander."
"Good luck, I know you will make your parents proud."
"Thank You sir." with that you exited the room to get ready.
"Do you think we should have warned them about Shadow Commander?"
"No, as much of a loose cannon as he is, this signal shouldn't be strong enough to warrant a visit from him, besides this case is about as low profile as we can get, more of a maintenance call than anything, they should be fine."
⚫
you arrived at the facility taking out you scanner you began to search the area for the energy source.
the sounds of your steps echoed as you made your way through the dilapidated corridors. your flashlight reflected off employee safety signs that clung to the walls through rusted screws, vats once filled with untreated water lay dry, a musty scent filled the air.
your scanner gave off steady beeps as you got closer and closer to the source. you became more conscious of your movements the further you walked. the fur on the back of your neck began to stand as you entered what you assumed had to be the employee cafeteria.
your ears perked up as you heard a slight gust of wind behind you. instinctively you stepped aside just in time to doge a figure careening towards you.
the figure rerouted turning back around for another attack. you removed your gun from it's holster, before you could properly take aim the figure struck you knocking you to the floor. you held onto your gun with a death grip, you were not about to lose your only means of defense against an unknown enemy.
"Who are you, and what the hell do you think you're doing here?" the figure asked his voice deep and gruff.
he stepped into the light of your now abandoned flashlight allowing you to see him properly.
Crimson eyes glared at you, his black fur blended him into the darkness making him look as if he were apart of it, and his markings. red on his face, limbs, and quills that you could never forget, not even if you tried.
You recognized him alright.
Shadow The Hedgehog.
#shadow the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog x reader#shadow x reader#shadow#x reader#sonic fanfiction#not beta read#enimies to lovers
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Recently I read the Ignihyde chapter of Damnation, and I wanted to start by saying I really enjoyed the read! I'm already a big fan of your writing, and the chapter had multiples points where I was worried for the MC (though a lot of the time I just wanted them to stand up for themself, lol). I think the way Idia was written was really interesting, and it's fun seeing the cockier(?) side of him, if that makes sense. I was wondering while reading though, what was the thought process behind making MC one of the imps? I don't mean this in a bad way, I think it was a perfect way to explore a different personality for the MC, but I wondered why you decided on Panic instead of Meg? If it were me, I would probably end up defaulting to replacing Meg- 1) Because I prefer characters like her and 2) Because the imps probably wouldn't even cross my mind. I'd like to hear your thoughts and reasons behind this decision! Take care!
I've very glad you enjoyed the read! As for why this Imp!MC is the way they are well, that's just cause I wanted them like that. Let's be honest and consider the situation, how many people would stand up for themselves in their position? Certainly not everyone. Some, yes, but not all. It's likely that some of the other MCs of the series would have stood up for themselves, but Imp!MC isn't like that. Hopefully it wasn't annoying?
As for Idia... Hot take, y'all. I'm about to say it. I'm tired of nervous stuttering Idia. I said it. The dude has so much potential, so much attitude and hidden arrogance that we usually don't see, but it's certainly there, and I wanted to explore that. And, well, considering the fact that his role in Damnation is literal a god, it provided the perfect opportunity.
Now, back to MC. Why make them an imp? Well, because it's fun. How generic is the idea of placing them in Meg's role? It's quite a common one, and I believe I've done it before in another quiz that's so old and probably really bad that I refuse to actually look at it again, but I digress.
The purpose of the MCs is that they are not good people. Meg, while starting out as a villain, does eventually switch sides. So besides the idea of the MC being Meg is kinda basic, I just didn't want the MC to be on the "good" side. I love Meg as a character, but yeah, I just wasn't for the idea of implementing the MC into her role.
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Rook's chin rested on their hand as their eyes half-read a recent missive from their contacts. The scrawled letters began to swirl, blur, and merge the harder they tried to focus. They sighed as they set the parchment down and rubbed their tired eyes.
No wonder the Crows had people just for reading and writing contracts. After this, they didn't want to read anything for a long time.
There was a knock on the door, and before they could reply, he heard it open.
"Lucanis," they said, perking up as they recognized the sound of their partner's boots on the stone floor.
"I brought tea," Lucanis said warmly as he set the tray on the dresser behind the couch.
"Tea?"
"Emmrich suggested a 'calming' blend," he said with a shrug as he settled beside Rook on the couch.
Rook gently picked up a cup from the tray and held the warm item in their hands as they inspected the color and aroma. "It's not gingerwort, is it?"
Lucanis chuckled lightly. "No. No. It's a chamomile, lemon balm, and lavender blend. As suggested by Strife."
Rook nodded and took a small sip. The light floral taste and warmth slowly spread throughout their body. They stared into the cup for a long moment as they attempted to push all their concerns and plans to the back of their mind.
"Is Solas speaking to you again?"
"Hm?" Rook hummed, looking at their partner.
"You've been staring into that cup for a few minutes."
Rook set the cup on the tray. "He's quiet for now." They sighed, running a hand through their hair. "Sorry."
Lucanis touched Rook's shoulder. "You don't need to apologize." He could see the exhaustion taking hold of Rook's face. The dark circles under their eyes seemed darker, and their choppy haircuts seemed even more disheveled and unkempt. Had they even managed to shave in the past few days? "You need a haircut." He playfully teased.
Rook softly chuckled. "As I've told Viago, it's on my to-do list."
"I'm surprised he hasn't done it himself," Lucanis said as he brushed his fingers through Rook's raven hair. "The Crows have some standards."
"I know. I know. Teia was heartbroken when she saw that I lost most of my hair."
"Lost?"
"I got into a tight spot just before Varric recruited me. I cut most of it off to get out of it." They played with one of the long locks that hung beside their face, twisting it around their finger.
"How long was it before?"
Rook thought for a moment. "Lower back." They indicated with a hand at their waist.
"Mierda. Really?"
"I kept it tied up most of the time." Rook shrugged. "I like having short hair. It just took a while to get used to it. It feels... right. If that makes sense."
Lucanis nodded. "It does."
Rook smiled softly. "Before I had to cut it, I was hesitant to do it. I got a lot of compliments about my hair, and for the longest time, it felt like the one thing I had control over." They took the cup back off the tray. "It makes sense that I cut it before all of this. A fresh start with a new name, 'Rook.'"
"I thought 'Rook' was a nickname," Lucanis said, taking his cup. "Harding mentioned that Varric gave it to you."
"He did. It was just a nickname initially, but I'll keep it. It's better than 'Ward.'"
"Ward?"
Rook nodded. "The Crows gave me that name when they took me in."
"What was your name before that?"
Rook smirked and sipped their tea. "Come now, I have to keep some secrets. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm Rook De Riva now."
#dragon age veilguard#rook de riva#antivan crows#dragon age lucanis#lucanis x rook#lucanis dellamorte#lucanis romance#da4 lucanis#dragon age rook#dragon age
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Hello Tiger,
I've never spoken out on this subject and I'm not going to again, but seeing Sunday's discussion, I can't remain silent. We have different concepts of what it means for a young woman to “thrive” and what it means for a man to assume a relationship openly, without looking like a deer in the headlights every time he is seen with his partner. So far, so good. As for the glaring age difference, it's controversial, but it's not the end of the world either. But what about the fact that a 55-year-old rich man goes after a 22-year-old girl, enters into a sexual relationship and brings her to live with him? 22 years! Do we have a different concept of that too? Is a 55-year-old man with a 22-year-old girl acceptable to you? For me, there's no justification - I'm still a fan of Mulder, but only of the character. For now. Please don't be offended: I'm a long-time reader of your site and even though I don't agree with your position on this subject, I enjoy reading it very much and I appreciate your willingness to write about the series. I wish you a happy 2025!! 🙏
I'm not offended, don't worry. :DDDD Age gaps relationships boil down to whether an individual can stomach that sort of dynamic or not; and no amount of logic or reasoning is going to dissuade a gut reaction. So, I get it when others can't stand it.
And thank you for the compliments! I try to keep church and state (my irl opinions and the series' meta) separate. ;)))
My Thoughts
I don't mind age gaps because I've seen/heard them done successfully-- however, those successes are incredibly rare. Stereotypically, it involves someone younger with someone older, and there's usually money to some degree. Exploitation is a huge risk to watch out for; and I've found the toxic relationships have two prominent factors in common: A. they quickly lock down a younger individual by knocking her up, thus making it harder for said individual to leave; and B. they dangle and lie and push off the type of commitment the younger individual expected, dragging on the process as long as possible while demeaning and belittling the younger person's sense of identity.
Why am I okay with David and Monique?
First off, we don't know how old Monique was when she and David began dating. She first appeared publicly at The X-Files premiere (with her friends and boss from the smoothie shop) in 2016. The two didn't appear publicly together until 2017; and I'm pretty sure she was on set a time or two while S11 of the Revival was filming. She would have been 24 or 25 then.
However, let's assume they began dating in 2015 when she was 22 (after she followed Brad on Twitter or Instagram, I can't remember which): I would immediately raise my eyebrows and go on the defensive. That would lead me down a long rabbit hole of questioning and double questioning; and I would have to arrive at a final conclusion with some sort of evidence to indicate if this was a predatory, creepy, weird, neutral, positive, or healthy relationship-- part of that process would include looking at relationships outside of the two primary "targets": kids, family members, exes, etc. Which I did, because there was a lot of ruckus (on Tumblr, sometimes Twitter) about the nature of their relationship. Next, I would look at the individuality of the people involved: was there an improper balance between the two-- was one beholden to the other? Speaking of which--
Secondly, I long suspected Monique had independence of some form apart from him-- her Instagram posts didn't change substantially after they moved in together except to now include him; she hangs out regularly with her friends; she has hobbies and interests outside of the relationship; etc., etc.-- and confirmed my suspicions yesterday with an old interview. Her parents, per the interview, were well-off enough to give her horse riding lessons... and ice skating lessons... and tennis lessons... and violin lessons... and soccer lessons, all at once (?) She traveled the world for tournaments before meeting DD.
Regardless, I just don't see David as the type to leave an ex high and dry after they part ways-- he went above and beyond to pay alimony and his kids's expenses post divorce (at apparently higher rates than is usual for his $$ bracket in NY, if I recall), and he brings all his past associates, exes, and family forward in his projects. Even if one wanted to write off their relationship as a sugar baby transaction, MP would still have the ability to network as DD's ex after taking the assets both would split post- (potential) separation.
Now, for the moral/ethical aspect: while many are against and few for the idea of age gaps, I-- personally-- weigh each case individually. Most celebrity age gaps are based on transaction, but knowingly. Leonardo DiCaprio, for example, dates only women younger than 25; but his girlfriends seem aware of that fact, and he markets them and their careers pretty generously (comparatively) so that they're established as models or socialites or etc. etc. etc. by the time the relationship comes to a close. (I've never heard one speak badly of him, but there's always that possibility.) If there is exploitation there, it's at least propagated by both parties.
In David and Monique's case, she hasn't used her relationship with DD to market this or that venture-- despite speculation that she would-- but doesn't hide it, either. He, meanwhile, brought her everywhere with him; introduced her to friends, acquaintances, and professionals along the way; and snapped countless photos of her and let her snap countless photos of him. They seem-- on a surface level-- to be attached, in love, and secure in each other. Not to the same degree that he and Tea had, but he's not the same man post- public "sex scandal" and (especially) divorce. And having gone through countless paparazzi pics of the two of them over the years, I've noted that he doesn't treat her differently than any previous "private citizen" ex, and initiates more physical contact in public than she does.
Swinging back around to the moral/ethical argument, is it right that a man thirty years MP's senior should date her-- one with kids, no less? It depends, to me. What is the health of the relationship? What is the health of their relationships outside of that relationship? Are they growing and changing or stagnating and regressing? I've seen both seem to progress rather than regress-- he and his directorial and podcast efforts, she and her arts and crafts and flower business. He and his kids seem to have a solid, loving, loyal relationship even after she joined his life; he and Tea have a cordial, publicly supportive, even loving relationship after their divorce; and he never seemed to abandon his responsibilities to his mom in her last years on earth. As for Monique, she and her friends and family seem (don't have too much information to glean from here) to still have a solid, loving, loyal relationship; she seems to keep out of business that doesn't concern her (DD and Tea's co-parenting); and she seems to not push his kids into compromising or uncomfortable situations.
As far as age gap relationships go, this appears pretty drama free, even-keel, and seemingly positive and healthy-- 'healthy' as in there are numerous signs of personal growth from both parties.
Personally, I think people settle into relationships where they feel most at home, or ones that reflect where they are in their personal lives. Those dynamics could be healthy or wickedly unhealthy; but they're where the person wants to be. (It's up to family and loved ones to rescue an abuse victim, of course, but that person picked someone who reflects how they feel about themselves in their minds, for example.) I don't know what initially drew Monique and David to each other-- maybe she makes a mean green smoothie. Maybe he has a ton of money she likes to spend (though their rather unglamorous lives, factored in with her parents' more-than stable finances, leads me to take this with a grain of salt.) All I know is what I've seen written up on the internet-- that Monique "saved him, in a way" (said a close friend-- who was not a bootlicker, because she also had biting criticisms of David to share)-- or leaked online-- that DD is MP's world and she loves him.
So, in conclusion: I'm very skeptical of any relationship-- age gap or otherwise-- and need to see proof before I believe that two people are actually in love or thriving. Furthermore, it's their business; and as long as his kids aren't feeling neglected, abandoned, or "less than", and as long as there isn't abuse, manipulation, or control, then I figure let the two in the relationship sort themselves out. ;))))
#asks#anon#DD#MP#more thoughts#you're always welcomed back#and no sweat-- we don't have to agree :DDD
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SSR Tomoe Sakurada - Birthday Girl Vignette
"Happy Birthday"
(PART 1) (PART 2) PART 3
You talked a bit about your siblings earlier...would it be alright if I asked you a bit more about your parents?
I would love to!
My father is quite the character. He's so animated, you'd think he should be in one of those old rubber-hose animations. It's a very interesting contrast agains how calm our mother has always been. The two of them have always seemed so happy together.
My father is a businessman, more specifically working in the finance department of his company. I think the company works with something in regard to building regulations? He always got a sparkle in his eyes when we went to the beach to build sandcastles. He'd always have something to say about whether or not one of us would be fined for our castle.
And my mother is a stewardess!
She apparently traveled a lot when she was young, and just developed a passion for it.
I remember I always loved listening to her telling me about all the different places she'd been. I prefered them to lullabies or bedtime stories, even.
Is there any place you'd like to visit one day?
Do you mean on Earth, or in Twisted Wonderland? I have something of a list for Earth locations I find interesting.
But as for Twisted Wonderland...
Do you remember the Lóng costumes that Diasomnia wore for Halloween? I've read up about the culture they originated from, and I would really like to visit that place.
From what I've read, it's somewhat similar to a culture on Earth I'm familiar with, one which has some overlap with my own homeland's culture. Not much, mind you. But some. And the hisrory of said Earth culture it parallels was always one of my favorites to study. Not to mention it's the culture of origin for three of my favorite books.
So if there's anywhere in Twisted Wonderland I'd like to go, it's there.
I think that's all of the questions...
Well done! You picked up on how to do interviews very quickly.
Oh! Um— I-I only really did what you told me to...
Maybe so, but you're still a fast learner.
U-um, the interview!
Haha, yes, yes, of course.
Thank you very much for answering these questions! Um, I hope you have a continued happy birthday!
The Voice Lines post has now been updated with Groovy lines!
Also I imagine Tomoe after the interview wondering 'do people in Twisted Wonderland know what a stewardess is? Do they have airplanes here??'
Tag list: @another-random-paradise @thehollowwriter @faefum @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @beneathsakurashade
@nyx-of-night @theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl @screamintoad
@gingacat @buttholesparkles @scint1llat3 @jadelover69
@crimsonrose34 @nerenda @chillygourami
Please let me know if you ever wanna be added or removed! ^^
#2025 birthday event 🌻#🌻tomoe#moony's ocs#twst#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twisted wonderland oc#twst ocs#twisted wonderland ocs#moony's oc writing
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Wind and Truth - Brandon Sanderson (Stormlight Archive #5)
4/5 - midseason-finale ass book; he needs to scrap this editor; this book simply never ends
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!! LIKE FIRST LINE!!!
We finally come to the end of the first arc of the Stormlight Archives and they are going to need a new name. Before we dive in, I want to clarify that I did enjoy this book! I think it tackled a series of very hard-to-conclude plotlines in a relatively good way, and I think it sets Sanderson up for success in the latter half of this series. With that said, I'll be splitting this review into four parts:
Kaladin, Szeth, & therapy speak
The Spiritual Realm plot
Azir
Book mechanics
Kaladin, Szeth, & Therapy Speak
Now first of all, anyone who's read anything I've written knows I love Kaladin - he's one of my favorite characters of all time and his journey through depression is one of my favorite parts of this series. That said. I find the whole timeline of this healing to be highly suspect, and his attempts at therapizing embarrassing at best and deeply annoying at worst. What context is there for him to go from literally attempting suicide in the last book to semi-competent therapist in no time at all? Need I remind Sanderson myself that there is no time skip between the end of RoW and WaT?
The language is also just bafflingly modern in a way that nothing in this series has been before, but we'll get to more on that later.
The flip side of this criticism is that Szeth's plotline was easily my favorite of the book. His completed arc might rise to rivaling Kaladin's (thus far) in terms of how much I enjoyed it. His backstory is so tragic (slay for the almost successful military coup though?) and I truly believed he wasn't going to make it through the book until the very last page. His moments with his father, in the past and present, brought me to tears more than once.
The Spiritual Realm Plot
This whole plotline took too long and frankly, it was boring. Watching Shallan slay her demons for the umpteenth time and deal with Formless again and kill her mother again was, and this may be controversial, not a very interesting plot point to me. She's done all this before. I feel that this book, as a whole, gave diminishing returns on her pagetime to character development ratio. I also don't feel that Shallan, with all her everything else, needed a Herald as a mother as another twist, but maybe that will be more relevant in the future. For that reason, and that reason only, I'll bite my tongue on criticizing it unnecessarily
While it was nice to see Renarin and Rlain get together, I have to admit that Renarin's POV didn't add much for me. I think Sanderson could have written the entire plotline for these two from Rlain's perspective and it would've been far more interesting since he is, in my opinion, the more interesting character between the two of them. Renarin's POV does not reveal anything that isn't already clear from other POVs.
I also just wanted more of Ba-Ado-Mishram. She was haunting the story but not present. I understand that's likely for later plot reasons, but it did make this section drag. Dalinar contributed to that but we don't have time to get into that right now. I was happy he died though (long overdue, in my opinion).
Azir
Adolin #1 character of all time? The only one to save their assigned city and did it with 0 Radiants and the power of friendships? Nobody is doing it like him.
I loved the founding of the Unoathed and, particularly, Yanagawn's development. I'm really hoping that Yanagawn becomes a more important character in next major arc, since he was so sweet here.
I did not love that we spent probably 25% of the book in Azir fighting battles. Contrary to the opinion of Sanderson many fantasy authors, there is an upper limit on how many battles you can include before I get tired of reading them. There's only so many ways you can swing a sword or block a pike etc etc before I'm bored.
Book Mechanics
Overall, I find this concluding book to be much weaker than the other 4 in the series. Whereas it had seemed that the pacing was improving in Oathbreaker and Rhythm of War, here we were back to all over the place. While I liked that he split the plot into each day leading up to the contest, the timeline genuinely made no sense.
Beyond that, this entire book was filled with oddly YA-style prose that has never appeared in the Stormlight Archive until now. I think whoever edited this book must be different from the other four because, in my opinion, it was much too modern, not as tight, and frankly, not as good. And I know this might be controversial, but I did not think Maya calling Adolin a slut was funny. Why would she even use that word? Whore or prostitute would've been acceptable because they've been referenced here before but I found that example and others like it to be jarring.
Conclusion
I liked this book, but it's by a longshot my least favorite in the series. It was too long and frankly, some of the characters didn't even sound like themselves. I know that Sanderson can do better than this, but it leaves me a little wary for the next arc.
There's lots here I didn't cover (Jasnah my beloved, Sigzil! I'm in mourning) but this was already quite long. DMs / ask box are always open if you'd like to chat more.
#like dgmw i liked the book! but my love language for media is criticism#also just because like ... a LOT of it felt out of character writing-wise for sanderson#wind and truth#wind and truth spoilers#kaladin stormblessed#adolin kholin#yanagawn#cosmere#stormlight archive#wat#wat spoilers#brandon sanderson#high fantasy#fantasy#book review#queer#szeth son son vallano
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camcorder kidnapping sounds soooooooo good so far! So excited for when we can finally read it!! ❤️
OH WAH... THANK YOUUUUUU!!!! i am having a Lot of fun with it and i've powered through on it much much faster than i was expecting so.... expect an update sooner rather than later!!! for now, here's a snippet :)
There’s a man standing outside, his arms crossed over his chest. His face is uncovered—Catherine’s spine prickles at the sight. Kidnappers don’t show their faces unless they’re either very stupid, or very certain that their captives will never have the opportunity to identify them. And it is a rather unpleasant face: carved of jagged peaks, weathered with deep lines and a sternly-set mouth. He’s closer to her age than to River’s. His eyes are slate-flat, like a shark’s, seeking blood in the water. Unconsciously, Catherine laces her fingers around River’s nearest hand and squeezes tight. “You removed your blindfolds,” the man says to them. “… Y-yes,” says Catherine at length, praying her voice doesn’t quake as much as her body is. “I did.” The man nods slowly, like molasses. And then, with unerring accuracy, he lunges forward, grasps her by the wrists, and wrenches her out onto the ground, leaving her to collapse to her knees on hard-packed dirt. It hurts, it does—but not nearly as terribly as the hard, efficient slap he gives her right cheek. It’s executed with such expertise that it takes her a dumb moment to register what he’s done, and then she becomes aware that she’s pressed up against the gravel, grit in her mouth, a hot welt rising fast on her cheekbone. She blinks, ears ringing, and pushes herself back up, onto her knees. The man appraises her from above, an almost amused glint in those shark’s eyes. “Don’t you fucking touch her, you—” The amusement vanishes as swiftly as it had arrived, as though it hadn’t existed at all. He pivots towards the van and hauls River out the same as he did to her, sending him to a kneeling position on the ground. But River, unlike her, appears to have maintained some semblance of a spine; he spits at their captor’s boots and snarls, “I said, don’t you fucking touch her—” The man takes River’s chin in the clutch of two meaty fingers. “I suggest,” he says, a cruel smirk curving his mouth into a scythe, “that you keep your pretty little mouth shut.”
#ask#anon#WAHHH thank uuuu i'm so glad you're excited about it bc I AM TOO!!! :')#sid speaks#fic: camcorder kidnapping#river cartwright#slow horses#things are just. getting worse and Worse from here lads. and then they'll get better (eventually)#oh! it also has a title now!#fic: Still The Bone Remembers
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Can I pester you for your thoughts on Dabi and Hawks' respective canon endings (if you haven't posted em somewhere already and I've just missed it)
Oh yeah, I did say I'd touch on that and sure never did huh. I got so fed up that I just ignored the ending and didn't feel like acknowledging it with a post anymore.
But I do have an answer for you. It's gonna be a long one, buckle up buttercup.
As for Dabi's 'end'.
Ah yes, fantastic message Horikoshi, if you're not a perfect victim and don't shrink away and make yourself small and hide away from your abuse/abuser - if you get mad and lash out then you should just fucking die. Your ABUSER gets a second chance, but you can just go fuck yourself.
(For a better understanding on how I feel about Dabi's story as a whole I got, what, 2 sentences in and had to pause because I'm sick as hell right now and a little fucked up on cold medicine, and I got so mad my hands started shaking and my heart tried to do it's best impression of a wildebeest stampede in my chest. (Emotional regulation who?))
Dabi is my ride or die, because I came from a home where my sperm donor terrorized me my whole life for the crime of being alive and having the gall to take after my mother. I have an unfortunately personal understanding of how he feels, at least in part, and his end in the story is what bothers me most, and will continue to do so.
Did he go about it the best way? No, I'm not a fan of the murder (arson I couldn't give 2 fucks about, destroy that government property babey) but I can't blame him for turning out the way he did. He went through literal hell and came out the other side torn apart physically and mentally. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about killing my sperm donor for all the ways he fucked me up every once in a while, so I can't blame him for that either. I think it's a natural reaction to want to eliminate a perceived threat, especially one as traumatizing as one of the people who are supposed to be guaranteed to love you turning on you the way Endeavor did.
But anyway, I'm rambling at this point so in a nutshell; FUCK Horikoshi and his wishy washy writing and bitchass cop out. The end to Dabi's story is insulting at best and harmful at worst. It's very obvious that he was over My Hero, since he bulldozed over anything that would resemble a satisfying ending in regards to multiple parts of the story, but his handling of Dabi as a character is the most egregious in my opinion. I have well and truly had enough of this man (derogatory).
So now I shall move on to the man, the myth, the legend, the love of my life - you get it. Hawks. And if I'm being honest I'm not very keen on his ending either.
First of all, what ever happened to giving heroes more time to kill?
Ahem. Excuse me, getting a little heated.
Fucking give me that man, he needs to be sat down in a plush fucking armchair, with a mug of actual coffee, not that canned shit, bundled in the softest blanket money can buy, just relaxing and reading or watching a show. LET THAT MAN REST. HIS ASS HAS NO BUSINESS BEING THE PRESIDENT OF AN ORGANIZATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABOLISHED AT THE END. THAT'S WHAT IT FELT LIKE HORIKOSHI WAS HINTING TOWARDS THE WHOLE TIME. GET RID OF THE HERO SYSTEM. BUT NOOOOO.
To be a little more coherent (hopefully) about it. It's not to say I don't think he could do it, I just think it was one fuck of a leap. That was some Olympic level stretching, at least in my opinion. I just think that man deserves to rest. He belongs in a quiet little house in the countryside and he has a part time job at like, a local farm or something and in his spare time he volunteers all over town and preferably Dabi is there as well 🙄. Give him peace and quiet, let him rest.
I honestly don't know what would have satisfied me canon wise for his ending, but HPSC president just ain't it. Again, I feel like it was Horikoshi catching the cooties for his own work; he just wanted to be done with it so he slapped together what he thought was the most likely of scenarios and just left it at that. In a word; disappointing.
I see a lot of people saying he should have died, because out of everyone of the heroes his death would have made the most sense and had the most meaning or whatever, and I can agree with that, but I'm still glad he's not dead. It absolutely is fucked up how disproportionate the deaths were when it comes to heroes vs villains, no one can deny that. But dammit I need a win, I need a fave who ain't dead.
I think that about wraps up my thoughts without me writing a god damn dissertation. Thanks for the ask, it was a nice distraction.
#jesse answers#dabi#todoroki touya#bnha hawks#mha hawks#takami keigo#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia
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I love spuffy as much as the next guy but ohhh my gawddd I really kinda wish it had been buffy wil and xand to finish the fight. they started it together, and while they've always had outside help, I just think it would've been so good if each of them had their own big important parts to play since this was the last we get to see of them
#ik there's comics but I have no intentions of reading those so. this is the last I get to see of them all fighting the big fight together!!!#I suppose buffy was the one leading everyone into battle... but that doesn't feel like much#but seriously why wasn't xander given anything special to do </3#he could simply be motivation if nothing else. we know the girls like him he could help give them strength when they feel like it's hopeles#and especially buffy. he is determination!! I have talked about this before!! let that show when it counts!!#willow did her part so good for her. it was beautiful and I love her#the only thing that would've been even better is if releasing all that slayerness had given buffy (& faith) a boost. to tie wil to them mor#...I cannot think off the top of my head what buffy could've done more. she shared her power with others by handing off the scythe.#she gave them strength in leading them I guess. open to ideas here if anyone wants to chime in with something#they're the heart the spirit the power grrrrr they are connected and (should) need one another to continue on#and okay ik buff and xand and willow are all in totally separate places but I want them CONNECTED together are we getting the picture here#I actually kinda like them being separate now that I've thought about it. each part of the whole running a different section so they're all#spread out and able to take care of everything. but I want moreee for them#y'all have better have fuckin meant it when you guys said y'all wanted to hear about my buffy/willow/xander thoughts#buffy x willow x xander#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer
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Sometimes I try to write down thoughts about this campaign but I admittedly have not been paying enough attention to feel confident in my character analysis so I write an incoherent text post and then delete it because I don't know if I'm actually making the correct judgments.
#cr spoilers#in the tags#so i'm going to rant in here instead if you keep reading past this you can't get mad at me#anyway i want to talk about ashton#and how they would have been absolutely intolerable in c1 or c2#where every character was invested in saving the world#for one reason or another#and c3 is just like#orym is the only one talking sense and everyone else is just like 'well maybe?'#but matt also said something about being ready for exandria to shift drastically based on their chocie#and if matt weren't ready for exandria to change ashton would be harder to watch than they are now#idk taliesin does quite often play around with hypocrisy with his characters so i'm not really surprised#by ashton claiming to stand up for the little person and then going and being willing to blow up their entire world#like they're not actually thinking about the 'little person'#they're thinking about themselves and that's really it#but yeah i do keep waiting for someone to say something that gives ashton that realization#that they can't use their trauma as an excuse to blow up everyone else's lives#idk i'm running out of steam#it's interesting to watch taliesin play around with this#but i've got to say that if they don't make a fucking choice about what they're actually going to do#idk i'm just ready for them ALL to stop waffling#okay now i'm done#i still have a lot of thoughts but i'd have to rewatch the whole campaign to feel confident in my talking points#and that's not going to happen lol
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another super self-indulgent chapter 20 / 21 drawing
edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez
scriabin belongs to @zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#vargas zarla#scriabin#hello and good night#* changes her brush again *#textured brushes for sai2 save me#textured brushes for sai2#save me textured brushes for sai2#this is just a mess of me trying new stuff . i like the result .#well ummm hello . time to ramble about my stuff . you can stop reading this now . if you want#going back to school on tuesday .#drew some other stuff but but they're related to weird crossovers or they're just sketches . i might post them .#this is supposed to be a dump account after all#i've been fine ! holidays were nice and i had many days to rest . got a new phone too .#also my birthday's in idk like 19 days ??? excited !!!#this was so fun to draw#i was just doing this and then my brain said " hey this is like super self-indulgent#but i don't care i enjoy to draw them like this way too much to stop#i'll try to get something else done before going back to school#i want to paint something else for a friend too . . . ugh not enough time !!!!#okay i can't think of anything else bye
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bunch of Phantasy AU doodles n wip from earlier this year
Basically I just found out this year that ball-jointed dolls actually have strings in them and not just... magically attached by the ball joints themselves? And 31 in this AU is a ball jointed doll that were made out of Danny's energy so here we are :3c
I've been watching a lot of doll customization since earlier this year and found out from dollightful's video that no they are all connected by elastic strings inside so that's where the idea came from
...i was looking on google to find a good example to put here and clearly I'm not exactly paying attention to how the main body strings are actually.. pinned to?
the video I've been watching the most is dollightful n moonlight jewel and they have their bjd usually only to the bottom of the doll head instead of all the way to the top on the skull pin like the diagram above
Which is why 31 has his strings all connected to the 'heart' in the middle instead of the head kasjdnkasjnd
But yeah uhhh specifics aside...
----
Those ball jointed dolls made me think of 31, and then thinking about the clones in Phantasy AU and like.. the logistic of it
for 31, the idea is that during the circus gothica arc for this AU, Danny actually got kidnapped all the whole way into another universe/plane in which he met Valeska (Enn's oc) who unalive what his face the circus leader n break Danny's hypnosis
and now that Danny is essentially stuck in a whole other plane/realm/or sth he just following Valeska hoping she'll help him find his way back.
In one such trip, Danny got kidnapped (again) by another group/cult who wanted to use his power/energy as a gate keeper to the ghost zone to make their own gate keeper so they can open portals to ghost zones and maybe other realms too
31 is part of the experiments. He's a doll made with part of Danny's energy as his core.
And then it's.. uhh.. sth sth Valeska finally found out where they kept Danny and devour everyone there safe from Danny n 31 who helped him escape so now the three of them travel together~
The last pict is me thinking about clones and kingdom hearts :tm: so dramatic about Danny being the soul separated from the main body and 31 a clone made from part of the soul too and all that Not sure where I'm going with that but it do sound cool
And there's also Danielle but I'm not exactly sure.. how she would fit in? but it would be interesting if she was made from Danny's body somehow
so 31 made from part of teh soul and Dani from part of the body sounds poetic somehow
#13thdoodle#dp phantasy au#dp fantasy au#dp 31#if u noticed that I've been putting some read more lately#it's bc one of the school project is to document all your progresses in a doc including all ur research and fails and what not#and basically i'm trying to make it into a habit by doing it here too#like.. no harm done i think in putting up what inspired me and where ideas came from#n what rambling about things#yall follow me here so i assume ur interested a lil bit about me rambling my ideas n such#i put them under readmore specifically bc I know how long I can go on#and like the main thing about documentation is to be transparent about it#u learn from ur failures n ur successes n this is one way to track them#if u fcked up figure out where how and why and what u can learn from it n then improve from said fail so yea anyway#but yea i been trying to keep things short n clean so it look nice before#but i got a p good grade for documenting everything last tri so now I'm well actually I DO have a lot to say about things#so heree i am#am i gonna be more active tho that would be a whole different topic all together bc ha ha capstone qwq
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(Click for better quality)
Healing & Growth
(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)
#if you feel like reading it - I'm gonna ramble in the tags.#Don't really feel like having it attached to the post for forever... cause what if i just wanna reblog some fairysona art??#anyways#this year sucked a lot. in a lot of ways. but im grateful for it.#healing is stupidly hard and annoyingly enough? not linear in the slightest. Yet infuriatingly - it is worth it.#I am far from done with healing. I've barely scratched the surface.#but im learning and connecting with myself along the way.#The biggest step I've taken this year is working on my people pleasing ways. it's a bad habit birthed from a lot of different traumas.#but it no longer rules my life.#I am not passive anymore - and surprise! that doesn't make me a horrible or evil person.#my kindness is no longer a weakness. its still a part of me and always will be. i won't let go of it.#but it is no longer to a fault#there are people undeserving of my kindness... i realize that now. I know what i will and will not put up with in every kind of relationshi#im still learning and exploring - and i've said a lot of goodbyes this year. I'm sure i will say more.#but that's okay.#some relationships are forever - some serve you for a while and teach you a lesson when they end.#and some relationships stick around and don't *have* to have a deeper connection#and that's also okay.#I didn't think I'd make it through this year in all honesty. I was very close to ending it all on multiple occasions.#But. for what it's worth - as of now im glad im here.#i will continue to struggle and have my hard times. im not naive enough to think depression just goes away.#but im okay for now and im moving forward.#there will be pauses and abrupt stops and likely some good ol' rotting involved. but when i can - ill be moving forward.#i will not speak a word of 2024 because no matter what it will have it's ups and downs.#but i will continue to keep working on myself. and that's all anyone can do in this weird life.#if you made it through all of that... uhhhh wow you got a crush on me or smth? /j/j/j/j#but fr - if you read this far... thank you. i hope you're faring well and that you have a happy celebration tonight.#sleep well and dream well when it comes to you#yucky draws#my art
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