#€@+§

[gokublack-breeder]

Shaking. Big fucking update on my mother in law in like a couple hours

[gokublack-breeder]

"But it was only one time."

"it was months ago" "he didn't even cry!" "She's apart of his life too" too late, don't care. Should've thought of that before hitting my infant son for fighting sleep haha then refusing to give him back to me, accusing me of cheating and calling me a shitty mother. One time was more than enough for me Jenna, thanks.

[gokublack-breeder]

Always hated it when my ex called himself fat, not bc I felt bad for him but because he never weighed over 120lbs, and I never weighed under 150lbs. And he brought it up only when *I* was eating, shamed the food I ate but said he'd break up with me for losing weight??? Like thanks for the ed Mason 😁

[gokublack-breeder]

Writing love poems abt your life long friend that you've finally made up and reconnected with is self care.

[gokublack-breeder]

Wait y'all. Wait uh. Y'all. Nah. How did someone saying they don't care about me and I mean nothing to them give me back so much of my fucking self worth??? Bro you held me back for so long, I've been so happy and productive all day since hearing that. It's like??? Idk he let me go??? Like he finally released me from whatever the hell we had going on. I'm finally so happy. Idk bruh positive feelings don't feel natural anymore 😭😭😭 also Caden's phone password is our anniversary 🥺 and I got railed

[gokublack-breeder]

One day I'll break up with him, one day I'll move on and be happy and I'll stop thinking about all the messed up things he's done to me. I wanted to all week but I'm too scared. I just want out

[gokublack-breeder]

Y'know somethin, she would have never done this to me. Not without a reason, not like you are.

[gokublack-breeder]

Please please please please I'm so sorry please his anger is not mine his anger is not mine I don't feel like that please don't hate me I don't hate you I promise I'm sorry

Frtcvyyg ya dfughvuhhhhhhhhhgggggexxeSTOPIT

Why won't you get outta my brainnnnnnnnnn :(( I'm doin a sad boy

[gokublack-breeder]

And you just said no?

We could be fucking and you'd never know about it

[gokublack-breeder]

How do I say that I'm sorry, that I regret ever shoving you away, that your absence in my life is Earth shatteringly painful, how do I ask you to come back, come home, how do I say that I miss you, I miss us, our talks, our fights, the jealousy I felt for you while also being so deeply indebted to you,

But then, how do I say I'm scared of you, for you, that I'm still so deeply hurt by both of our actions, that I have forgiven every small thing you've done and I never deserve to be forgiven, how do I say that we may never be friends again, that even if we do forgive each other we are no good at all for each other, how do I say that I see now that you were never a bad person, just bad for me as I am for you, how do I explain that every nasty comment or sideways glance or harden glare from across the room comes from a place of wanting to forget, forget the hold you have on me, forget that I miss you, or want to be friends again, forget all the times I've tried to reach out and backed out because I'm nothing but a pussy, forget how devoted to you I was

How do I say I'm sorry, I'm sorry for snapping, and for talking about you, at the time I could justify it to myself, that I had a right to snap, or that because everyone else said you were talking about me meant I could do it back, how do I say that I see you everywhere, in everyone, in myself, in them, in everything, how do I say I think often of us reuniting

If you could see who I've become, for better and worse, would you be proud? Why do I still seek your approval? And why have I sought to replace your spot in my life with an eight eyed being who had more often than not nearly driven me to my own death? Why dont I just move on and let us both live our lives?

There's meaning somewhere in this jumbled mess of words, I promise. I'm just cracking my skull and spilling my thoughts tonight.