#“yeah i got it all sorted”
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god this is when me avoiding all the fucking admin shit bites me in the ass.
trying to finally sort out all this fucking bullshit with my home country (where i havent lived since before i turned 18 and have no intentions of ever permanently returning to), and of course they're stuck in the 80s or something so everything needs to be signed, stamped, officially translated, approved by three different agencies etc etc etc. and of course i live in an extremely digitalized country now so everything has digital signatures (not accepted by my home country) and i can't even /get/ everything
#herr's personal tag#ugh#fuck this shit. seriously.#i possibly owe them like tens of thousands of dollars in health insurance payments#even tho i havent lived there for years and ive been covered in my current country of residence#and it's illegal to be insured in 2 EU countries at once#and also i counted as a full-time student until about a year ago and full-time students are exempt from having to pay for insurance#and of course my mother was like#“yeah i got it all sorted”#well#turns out im so fucking stupid i cant even believe it. because of course it's fucking not#and like i know she's full of shit sometimes and i've heard her say stuff related to this that i know was incorrect#i so should have known better. but here we are#so now i gotta#1. fucking finally deregister from both the country and the insurance company so this doesn't keep getting worse#(at least this should be doable tho there might be a fine included for not doing it earlier)#2. get a bunch of documents from my high school and uni#and get those approved as equivalent to full-time studies of the appropriate level#which is gonna be fun because not all of these even exist over here and also my degree was an integrated masters#so there's no clear undergrad/grad division#3. try to retroactively apply to have my insurance payments from all these years forgiven#also 4. get proof that i've been insured over here for the past 10 years and shouldn't owe any insurance payments anyway#because being insured in two countries is impossible under EU law#and also try and get the payments forgiven that way#ughhhhhhhhh#and there's no guarantee they'll accept any of this as i'm doing it all retroactively#and i don't know what my mom has/hasn't done in relation to this as she's definitely faked some power of attorneys etc in the past#and she will 100% lie about this#srsly fuck all this shit. i'm also moving to yet another country in 2 weeks. it's gonna be sooo much fun
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Drew a bunch of Marinettes in a bunch of different artists styles it was a lot of fun!!
Artists who's styles I mimicked: @buggachat @hamsternamedmarinette @ladybeug @sabertoothwalrus and @anna-scribbles all epic artists 🤟😎
#my art#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fanart#style mimic#sorry for the @s btw#yall should go follow those artists if you dont already also#this was sort of inspired by a post the three artists on the top row made#i think they all got together and drew with one another#which is really cool#but i was genuinely confused because i mimic styles a lot#and ive seen others do it too so i was just like#wow they really know each others styles really well#until i thought about it and read their posts some more#style mimicking is really freaking fun and i think its really good practice#and a good way to explore other ways of doing things#like you really have to learn new techniques and get out of your comfort zone#also anna scribbles i could not find a recent pic of marinette in her main outfit#so thats the only marinette i drew in different clothes cuz i couldnt find a more recent ref of you drawing it#anna scribble marinette has privileges thats the others dont#but ye#i also threw my own style in there as a frame of reference to what me draw like#ive drawn marinette before just not in a loooong while#sabertooth walrus was the hardest for me to mimic cuz they have a broad range in their style#so its like which sabertooth do i wanna be in this pic#Buggachat has such a distinct style thats very clean and consistent which is amazing so they were easy#being easy or hard arent bad things either it also has to do with like styles meeting up with one another#buggachats and mine arent too too different in some shapes and aspects#so yeah itd be easier plus they drew marinette like 3 sec ago so i have more recent of a ref#as opposed to sabertooth who i have a recent ref of ladybug but not marinette so we got two diff styles in one
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alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3
#my art#pressure roblox#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#painter pressure#thought more abt my headcanons for seb’s anatomy and like. lol that tail is not pure muscle hes got guts in there.#that + the fact that there’s spinal cord in there means itd be a bad idea to try and amputate it#the wagon/eventual wheelchair is mostly for outdoor use i imagine.#<- specificallt]y for outdoor surface textures/debris that’d be bad for him to slither on#also. chronic pain have i dont think suddenly shrinking his whole body did much good for that#i imagine he and painter have like. a pool. to help with that and other needs he has now.#but he wouldnt wanna use it for a long while#there was a sort of. disconnect between his idea of freedom from urbanshade vs the reality of it i think.#like. thinking things could. on some level. go back to normal#and not considering that some of his mutations would be irreversible#and having to confront/cope with/accomodate himself about that#seb wants to be normal again but we cant all get what we want can we!#sometimes healing involves working with or around irreversible change buddy!#btw if feligayzed sees this. hiii hii your au was one of the big things that kicked my brain off on this and i wanna make fanart sometime#oh yeah this is . also.#sebpainter#pressure pathways#pathways#wow i dont think ive written a wall of tags that big in a long time. can you tell im having normal feelings about them
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Small but significant character moments that I actually really adore are from both the times we see the boys as tots. There is a reoccurrence that happens in both of them that I find so incredibly interesting.
For the turtle tot short, Splinter leaves the boys with weapons. In the short, Raph is the one who suggests they do “what Lou Jitsu would do” and Leo is the one who takes point when Splinter comes back to reprimand them. Leo, in taking point, is the one to defend them and get Splinter off their tails.
And then, in the flashback regarding the Kuroi Yōroi helmet, Raph is the one who grabs and throws “Skully” as a way to replace their missing ball which breaks it into pieces, but Leo is the one who speaks for the group and rushes into action to fix the teapot.
I love this for multiple reasons, but the biggest are how it shows that Raph has always been inclined toward the bold and fun and making the plans to include his brothers in what he loves and believes they’d love, whereas Leo has always been inclined to be the “Face” of the group and shoulder the attention even if it’s potentially negative all while coming up with on the spot attempts to fix the situation.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rottmnt leo#rise Raph#rise leo#I really do love this bit of character writing a ton#again it’s so small but like this is consistent!#little Raph just wanted to have fun with his bros 😭#Leo immediately coming in with the save both times (and more - remember Bug Busters?)#I really love too how none of them pointed fingers like#it was Understood that Leo would speak for them#listen there’s a reason Leo is the Face Man and it’s NOT just because he’s got a pretty face#he can talk both himself and his fam out of situations and I wish we saw it even more because it’s amazing to witness#circling back to Raph his bold nature is something I ADORE about him but I don’t see it brought up a lot which makes me so sad#like this boy is a RAPHAEL he is bold!!#and it’s cute too how the other bros immediately go along with it too#imo the Raph in these tot flashback is the same Raph that glues them all together as a bonding exercise#side note but damn…Leo saves them from punishment in the tot short and immediately gets jumped 😔#but yeah man I think a Lot about the little dynamics between the bros and how those dynamics could have first came into being#Leo being the face of the team and having been it since childhood-#-makes all the moments of immediately choosing to sacrifice himself when HE royally messes up all the more notable#if it’s one bro or the whole group individually he’s more chill about it but often still lets himself be the talker to get them out of it#he will do his damndest to get his brothers and himself out of trouble but once they’re in it he’s in the front with a smile#his own safety be damned#Raph is actually the same in that respect - he’ll jump into danger fists first but all bets are off when a brother is in danger#and like how Leo’s been the face - as the eldest Raph has been the de facto leader of sorts#he’s the one who is shown to make up their games! and I think that’s very cute#anyway their clashing in the movie is so interesting for a lot of reasons but one of them is that it shows how-#-even a longstanding dynamic like Raph and Leo’s that’s WORKED for so long is still susceptible to flaws…and to time
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Sometimes Severus comes up to Minerva. Right up behind her when she's busy. He'll stand there for a good minute as she works on marking assignments and cursing the boy's youthful energy and brilliant eyes- both of which directly responsible for his finishing his work in half the time it takes her.
"What is it, Severus?" Minerva sighs. Might as well get the obligatory nonsense over and done with, she was due a dose of Severus's antics by now (Merlin forbid he go more than three days without bothering her with nonsensical questions or infuriating wit).
"Am I ugly, Minerva?" he asked. Never there was a being with such innocence in their voice.
Minerva took a moment to take in a breath and silently call on all her patience and all her strength. "Yes, very." Her tone was blunter than the knives used to decorate at Halloween- an incident with some particularly idiotic third years had them ban anything sharper than the corners of a book during the Halloween celebrations.
Severus gasped as if stabbed. "What? Minerva, I thought we were friends!"
Minerva snorted. "Any time we interact, it's completely against my will."
"Minerva! you lie so shamelessly it shocks me." Severus made as if to swoon, a hand clutching the right of his chest.
"You must be shocked; your heart isn't where it should be."
Honestly, Minerva had to admire the fact that the insolent little kitten did not falter in his dramatics with her pointing out the key flaw in his act. If anything, he seemed to be encouraged.
"Ay! The pain of the shock, it has spread throughout my chest! Ah, I cannot breathe!" Severus swayed on his feet, leaning against the chair that Minerva was sitting in. "Oh, how your lie shocks me!"
"Well, then, you had better tell me what exactly I lied about," Minerva said briskly, "before you gasp all the air out of your skinny little lungs, laddie."
"You said," the boy said, a sudden glint in his eye and none of the apparent weakness, standing to face her and one of those long, delicate fingers pointed straight at her, "you said, that our interactions are without your will."
"That is no lie, what part of this looks like it's my will?" Minerva replied, knowing full well she wasn't going to appreciate the cheeky answer Severus had prepared for her.
"Why, the part where you remain for my company, mother," Severus replied, his voice light. "Surely, if you didn't want this, you would have, in your infinite wisdom, simply have employed your great power and assumed your famous feline form and just walked away from me."
Minerva fought her smile. His cheek was infuriating while his logic impeccable. "Perhaps I am simply conversing my energy, you arrogant wee rascal."
"You? Too lazy to avoid a nuisance?" Severus scoffed. "Minerva, you wound me. Don't you know how I know you? You've done much more to avoid the mildest of annoyances, do you truly think I believe that you are here against your will merely to converse your energy?"
Minerva let him see the flicker of a smile disgusted as a smirk, letting the bothersome raven have a little treat for his cleverness, hinting to him that he had essentially won this particular argument. "At my age you no longer have the patience to waste on annoyances. You learn to value your peace. You will understand that some day, I hope, little one."
"And if I die, my hair still black and my skin still smooth?"
Merlin, did the child have a turn towards the morbid. Minerva ignored the voice in her that told her that this would have been a retort of her own had she been in a similar conversation.
"Then you'll die a fool."
"A fool, perhaps, but my funeral will be the biggest," he replied, moving to sit on her desk and grabbing the biscuit jar. Minerva intercepted, lifting it from his grip and replacing it with a towel. His protests died in his confusion at the towel, and Minerva huffed and began to wipe his hands as if he was a child. She did not trust him to correctly clean his hands after handling goodness knows what when experimenting with his potions and she didn't care if he knew it.
"Aye, and how did you figure that?" she asked.
"Surely if I die young, I shall be the first. Therefore you all will be part of the funeral-"
"What makes you think I would want to attend your funeral, you little rascal?" She let go of his hands, almost satisfied that they weren't contaminated.
Severus ignored her and instead took a biscuit from the jar. "You will all be there, therefore I will have the biggest funeral. If I die old, you all shall be gone, so my funeral will be the smallest."
Minerva tried not to think of how depressing that sounded, how lonely it seemed. For a brief moment she felt guilty for being so old and he so young. She involuntarily could see him in her mind's eye, going through their funerals until he stood alone. She and the others- Rolanda, Pomona, Poppy, even Fillus and Hagrid- they were all of an age, weren't they? They could expect their lives to reach the end around the same time, surely? Severus was but a child next to them, he'd stand alone one day.
Minerva tried to ignore the ache in her chest at the thought of him standing alone. Merlin, no. He was far too young. No.
"You truly are besotted with the morbid and the miserable, you melanchonic masochist," she said, her tone just a trifle too sharp to be a simple retort.
Severus paused, swallowing the biscuit. Then he answered. "Ah, but the morbid is much more fascinating, the forbidden has a certain thrill, dear mother." His voice was a little softer, and his fingers, slightly coated in crumbs, were gentle when he tapped her forehead. He was sorry he upset her.
"You and your thrills," Minerva scolded, "yet you cannot even eat a biscuit without making a mess of yourself." Yet even as she spoke, the hand that she used to swipe the crumbs away, was gentle, almost tender, in its movement. She had quite forgiven him.
How could she remain angry? At this boy who looked at her with a scowl of indignation yet whose deep, dark eyes twinkled with mischief and cleverness and brilliance, who stood taller than her, yes, yet was far more delicate in his build than she had ever been, whose hair was as dark as hers had been in her youth, carelessly falling across his forehead. No, she could not remain angry.
If only he had been in Gryffindor, perhaps then she would have noticed him sooner. Or rather, if only her eyes didn't only open for her Gryffindors. How this boy could ever look at her without resentment and anger, she didn't know. Then again, he had been so incredibly isolated and lonely, was it any wonder he let go of his rightful grudges and instead accepted her friendship?
Minerva blinked as if soot from the fireplace got in her eyes. She didn't want him to notice the tears that almost inevitably formed whenever she thought about him. Who would have thought that she'd cry so much for the little devil?
"I'll leave you to your work, dear mother," Severus said cheerfully, hopping off her desk.
"Aye, after you've cleared out my biscuit jar, you villain" Minerva grumbled, looking into the empty jar. Severus shrugged.
"You ought to see it as a compliment towards your taste, really," Severus said. "But I see I have taken the last of your patience"- for indeed, Minerva looked ready to strangle him- "so I shall take my leave. Good night, my good Headmistress, and may you have peace in the silver embrace of the moon!"
And with a laughing twinkle in his eye and a boyish bow, Severus Snape left the room.
Minerva sighed. She wasn't sure if it was out of relief, or because she may have felt some sorrow at his departure.
The door opened again, and a rather meek Severus poked his head in.
"Er, Minerva?" he asked.
"Yes, Severus?"
"Er." Severus stepped in, looking away from her, walking with the awkward gait of a newborn foal, and the nervousness of a deer. "Er, Minerva?"
"Yes, Severus?"
"Am I really ugly, mother?" His voice was a whisper. His raven hair curtained his face, hiding his shame at asking such a pathetic question, and his fingers picked at one of the cuticles of a nail.
Minerva smiled, and walked to him. Softly she brushed the boy's hair out of his face and gently tucked it behind his ear.
"Only as long as you let yourself believe it, dear heart."
#severus snape#pro snape#professor severus snape#minerva mcgonagall#professor mcgonagall#right this was supposed to be a silly piece where snape simply asks minerva if she thinks he's ugly she says yes (messing with each other)#only for him to come back later all insecure and her being like “ofc you arent ugly”#but somehow it got blended with my lther thought of her and sev having a conversation#where sev essentially jokes about dying young refusing to die last#a sort of dark irony if you will because he did in fact die young#a conversation minerva recalls after he's gone and how she was like Nonsense only for it to come true#so yeah there's definitely a bit of the foreshadowy reference to Sev's death#because i like to be angsty#also to be clear severus is in his twenties here#he's been at hogwarts as a teacher long enough now to be more playful and silly and a general nuisance#but also a little affectionate too in his own way#(and definitely seeking a lil reassurance)#and he's definitely been here long enough for minerva to have 1) adopted him 2) realise how she's responsible for his trauma here#and 3) have way too many what ifs and regrets#anyway sev being a playful lil shit gives me life what can I say he enjoys being dramatic#especially if it annoys minerva
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you ever think about how edwin got like. no warning, no time time to process, nothing, when he reappeared on earth faced with the fact that virtually everyone he knew in life is dead. his parents? probably died in the 1950s or so (at best) almost forty years prior to edwin’s return. if any of his classmates were still around, they’d have been elderly, possibly senile, and in a few years they’d all be gone– except, of course, edwin. nothing looks the same, cars look like spaceships, there actually are spaceships, he can no longer see the stars, and everyone he knew is dead.
#he may be dead too but he’s certainly not gone. he’s a lingering relic. something lost to time#that’s some existential dread on an incomprehensible level#like. he meets charles quite soon after returning from hell and it’s implied he’s pretty much just been haunting that schoolhouse in that#time right. so I seriously doubt he’d have visited– let alone even Found– his parents’ graves. I wonder if he ever did that with charles.#maybe charles providing him enough emotional support to feel like he could handle it.#I know that he wasn’t close to his parents in life– nor was he close with anyone that we know of– and yeah I think that’d definitely make#things a bit easier in certain ways; he never felt like he belonged in his time/place in life or amongst his family or peers#so being displaced from all that wouldn’t feel like losing very much#in a way#but… I mean still#and he inevitably would have those lingering thoughts of what could’ve been–#yes he could’ve died in the war and his life likely wouldn’t be very fulfilling considering he’d probably be forced into a marriage he#wouldn’t want or if he was found out he could’ve been imprisoned and ostracized and disowned. plenty of ways his life could’ve been awful if#but also what if his parents loosened up a little as the times did? as in- what if he actually got to know them? what if they tried to#have a relationship with him of some sort eventually? it’s not impossible#it’d have to eat at him. that and wondering if either of them felt guilty#or felt a loss. or anything#hoo boy. fun stuff#edwin#edwin payne#rambling#dead boy detectives
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It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
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ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
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very pleased to report that i tried literally counting sheep last night and got my first full night's sleep in like a week in a long period of sleepless nights!!
#not sure if i should say 'this works guys!' because while it worked for me#i'm not sure if it'll work for everyone#but yeah! focusing on counting sheep gave my mind one thought to focus on#so it could drown all the others out! much more effective than just trying to 'think of nothing' which i CANNOT do#and as i got further i began spacing out the counting. i listened to my heartbeat#and after like ten beats i'd count the next sheep#and in between the counting i found my mind drifting sort of aimlessly#vague noise i wasn't fully consciously thinking of#which i think is generally a good sign for me. cause i'm losing control of my thought processes and slipping into dreaming#but every time i'd count another sheep it was fascinating.#'one hundred and sixty sheep' and just like that the background noise was all gone. and my mind was quiet again. wow.#anyway i had a full dream for the first time in a while. my cousin was there. i missed school by accident and was disappointed.#love you all💙 sweet dreams and restful nights on planet earth even though it's ten am for me
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You work in government, right? How did you background checks go? That makes me really nervous to try as a career.
Two anecdotes for you;
At my pre-employment polygraph test:
Tester, giving off ex-CIA vibes: "OK, so before we begin, is there anything about you that would embarass [government entity]?"
Me, irritated to even be there (polygraphs are dumb): "I dunno, man, I'm trans and my credit is in the shitter right now, you tell me."
Tester, laughing at my bluntness: "No one cares about the first one. You're working on your credit, yeah?"
Me: "Yes, I've fixed old bad habits and now am steadily paying off old debt."
Tester: "Good, we just want to make sure you're not a blackmail or bribe risk. You're fine."
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Security coordinator, looking at my background check forms where I very clearly checked the "did not signup for selective service box" and wrote an answer why: "Uh... so... sorry to call you, this is just to confirm I'm very clear about your paperwork. And... uhhh.... you checked you never have signed up for selective service, sir, and, uhhh...."
Me: "I'm a transgender man. I am exempt and my birth certificate still clearly says "F" on it for convenience in this case. You should have all my relevant paperwork when I changed my name and gender markers elsewhere."
Coordinator, visibly relieved I'm the one who came out and said the hard part: "Ok, thank god, uh, thank you. Yes, I do have everything. I just wanted to be absolutely sure and I hate having to ask like this, sir, have a good day and you should be cleared soon."
------
So yeah, my background checks have been uneventful. Ymmv -- where I have worked has been rather liberal. But it's pointless (and stupid) to lie, so might as well own it and look them right in the eye if you being trans comes up.
Now, do I think being trans in government work could be more fraught in a possible GOP federal administration? For sure, but nothing extraordinary I can do about that and I'll just keep on keeping on until I need to leave for my safety.
#trans stuff#you didn't say you were trans Anon but I am making that assumption given my inbox rn#yes I sassed my polygraph test admin and he loved it#he told me the pre-test interview tells him more about a person than the actual test#he said people confess to all sorts of dumb crap#but yeah it was funny when I called him out for his bad cop routine#the rest of the interview and test he behaved like a normal person and we got along fine#everyone else I talked to later who had him as a test admin told me they were afraid of him lol
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Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂
#rain world#comic#rw chasing wind#sunlit Trail#Hunter#Art#Chasing wind spoilers#I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks#ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made.#So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti.#For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut!#Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles#before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah#Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game.#Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files#Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want#As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff.#In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3#Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in#Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald.#Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy#But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill.#Still bad tho!#Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud''#And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt#I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me#to see how far I get before they catch on 😜#Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time#Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!
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there is not enough femslash in batcest circles. the girls deserve to be just as weird about each other as the boys are. if BruDick gets to be weird father/son/brothers/lovers/friends/rivals/soulmates then it is only fair that Babs/Cass get to be mother/daughter/sisters/lovers too. Something about that deep intrinsic but undefinable love that is born out of trauma, especially if you consider Cass not knowing what healthy love looks like in the first place. i think it's fun and deserves just as much fandom content.
besides that, you can get even more niche with rarepairs like Helena/Steph. Huntress/Spoiler: Blunt Trauma is already a fantastic comic and even though it's their only real canon interaction it has so much potential. very comparable to TimJay in how Helena tries to get Steph to understand her morals and the corruption you could play with it.
batman: huntress/spoiler: blunt trauma (1998)
that comic also highlights on how both Steph and Helena are outcasts of the Batfamily and don't have the approval of Bruce to be doing what they do in "his city". I think there's so much Potential in Helena taking Steph under her wing because Bruce won't let her in and it becomes a weird codependent toxic sapphic mess. I think the protectiveness Helena feels over Steph from the get-go is so clear and the way she wants to look out for Steph, wants to make sure Steph understands the real world? I love them. Helena should be allowed to steal Steph, actually. I think it'd be fun.
there are a lot of other possibilities too like Babs/Steph or even getting weird with Helena Bertinelli/Helena Wayne and the existential question of "is it selfcest or not." But these two specifically live in my head rent-free, especially Helena/Steph and one day I'll convince everyone else to ship it too.
#batcest#necrotic festerings#how do i tag ships that are almost non-existent#helena bertinelli x stephanie brown#cassandra cain x barbara gordon#as resident huntress fan my answer to the is helena w/helena b selfcest depends entirely on which version of helena wayne you're using.#pre-crisis!helena wayne/pre-flashpoint!helena bertinelli? yes i agrue is selfcest adjacent at least#because helena bertinelli was meant to be an adaptation of helena wayne#if it's jsa (2022)!helena wayne then it's *not* selfcest because they co-exist in the same universe#and according to current lore helena wayne was named after bertinelli and took the name huntress in her honor#which is a *choice* for sure but that's a different post#i still think shipping them is super fun in a “don't meet your heroes” sort of way with helena wayne time travelling#and then potentially running into bertinelli and realizing she's not what wayne thought she was and it being weird toxic shit#as for new-52 helena wayne. i do not acknowledge her and will not comment.#*god* I hate new-52 huntress.#(imo it would be selfcest tho bc they tried to make helena wayne a bertinelli clone. so. there's that.)#i'm going to write a helena/steph fic some day and none of you bitches can stop me#yeah yeah we have stephcass but y'all have sanitized the fuck out of that to convince yourselves it's not batcest and that made it boring.#and helena/babs is neat and all but i prefer helena/zinda when it comes to BoP ships#i should've included panels for cass/babs but it's been a while since i read batgirl (2000) so none immediately came to mind#i have a *lot* more helena/steph thoughts but no braincell to word them. know i will talk about them again.#they got one whole comic and now i won't let them go#also cass/helena is fun for combating morals and the complicated batgirl mantle#cass wears the batgirl suit *helena* made y'all think i can't make that romantic bc i can and will#if we have robin pile then give me batgirl pile#babs/helena/steph/cass hell throw in bette too.
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Alright bestie I’m on that shit again
So yandere Superman, right? Like obviously your fucked. The only other yandere in existence that might just be able to keep you from him is Batman, but even then he’d probably sooner work together just to ensure your safety- but that’s a prompt for another day.
Back to yan Superman, imagine you’re his darling and he is “keeping you safe”. But one day, you get snatched up by some organization that wants to use you as leverage or some shit, but you are just sobbing in relief at maybe being free- only to have Superman show up and do some not so super things to everyone who “stole” you
There are just so many casually horrifying things about Superman that people don't realize until you start like digging into his lore. "Oh he's super strong and a super fast flyer" actually he can do basically anything at those super speeds to the point he can literally even PROCESS THOUGHTS at near light-speed which means he has Absolutely Terrifying reaction times and can make plans and schemes on a dime, which, you know, can be even better utilized by him being intelligent. He has natural invulnerability so if you throw a punch at him too hard you could literally shatter the bones in your hand and he can't even control that, like you could literally hurt yourself with him on accident! He can see across INSANE DISTANCES and his x-ray vision doesn't have like a set range so he could do anything from, peep inside buildings to spy on you, to looking under your clothing for any bruises or injuries or even self harm marks, to peeking behind your hero disguise to learn your true identity, to seeing if there's anything inside your stomach and seeing if you're eating properly. Like jesus christ he literally found out Lois was pregnant from waking up one morning and suddenly hearing the heartbeat of the FETUS, there's literally nothing from him pulling that stereotypical "I know you're nervous or lying or afraid because I can literally hear your heartbeat increase" scary bullshit
And let's talk about Lois for a sec because my god her death was literally what kicked off the Injustice timeline? And there are other forms of Superman media where she just straight up dies naturally of cancer! Sure we could take the easy way and say "in this au Lois never existed or was just Clark's friend and he loved YOU" (which is my preferred default tbh bc, no competition for Reader lol) but I mean if you're going for that angst, that real whump, a yandere Clark Kent that just lost his wife/unborn child to either the Injustice incident or cancer, now overcome with grief? And in those cancer timelines they usually already have a son, Jonathan, and sometimes Jordan, and here's Clark thinking, well, his boy needs a mother, and he's got these weird feelings for you, and lil Jonny clearly has affection for you, maybe bring a bit of a platonic yan himself who sees you as either a big sister or even a secondary mom, so... be his wife maybe?
Like my god if Reader somehow helped him through the grief of losing Lois and managed to avoid "fully activating" Superman's anime villain arc, like he's going full fascist in the Injustice 2 Bad Ending, then some shit DEFINITELY goes down when Reader gets taken away. It just reactivates all his trauma. No! He can't lose anyone else! Jonathan can't lose anyone else! You're not just someone he loves, you're his FRIEND!
You're just huddled in whatever cell you've been kept in with your black eyes and bruises and knuckles bloodied from trying to fight back when you hear Clark's voice and you look up with excitement that just falls immediately off your face because holy shit did he just unlock that thumbprint scanner with a severed arm, and suddenly you're realizing there are other shades of red on his costume and dripping from his fingers
I can only imagine like, ngl I considered a sequel to my fic Doubt where Reader escapes the manor and runs into Supernan as the only other person who can protect you, so here we would have the inverse: you're the only one who knows about Clark's increasing instability and, while you still have your own freedom and autonomy, try to speak to Bruce about it, and now you have Batman Vs Superman: Competing For Your Heart Edition. I can only imagine what sort of unhinged reactions there would be if you think you've got Batman alone and you're beginning to cry all "Bruce I'm really worried about Clark, he isn't acting like himself, there's something wrong with him" and. Clark is like literally using his x-ray vision to read lips through the walls if he can't use his super hearing to outright eavesdrop.
Of course as you suggested, I'm always a slut for ideas with"oh shit I ran to this guy to help me and he's ALSO crazy, now they're teaming up and I'm in some weird shared/poly situation with TWO nutjobs". Lmao you go to Bruce concerned about Kal and Bruce goes to confront him and Clark just drops "did you know Y/N has been hiding self harm cuts under their hero suit also wow they smoke HELLA weed and im worried about their lungs and all the stuff they do when they're alone that no one else knows about 🥺" and suddenly here's Bruce " thanks i hate this actually :)" and there's a scheme concted to spy on you or move you elsewhere.
I've even thought of "Reader oh nooOoooOo, that, giant monster or villain attack or whatever also coincidentally destroyed your shitty little apartment complex? You mean Clark 'accidently' got sent flying into your building or smacked some giant creature into it and now you don't have a place to live? And you're broke too? Oh no 🥺 Well, BATMAN has this nice big house with lots of room in for you to stay toooootally 'temporarily', we PROMISE uwu"
Batman is the one who can put a tracking chip injected into your skin or even disguised as a filling in one of your teeth, and Superman is the one who can zoom off to rescue you/retrieve you "faster than a speeding bullet". I think one of the only people who could bring them down together at that point would be like. Fucking DARKSEID and, Jesus no, you definitely don't want HIM treating you as a pet 😭 the evil Batman that was brainwashed by him in the Apokolips War movie was scary enough (and scary HOT, lmao, let him keep me as some sort of prize and the only luxury Darkseid will allow him as a reward for his obedience. Lord Batman goes from having a meeting talking about like enslaving people to returning to his quarters and railing tf outta you because he's still holding onto some slim vestiges of humanity where he cares about you but also using you as his personal anti stress fuck toy)
#yandere superman#yandere batman#yandere dc#i got a draft whee damian and jon like you and introduce you to their fathers#and suddenly stalking you becomes a family affair#the boys walk you home and jon lies about having to pee so damian can plant bugs while youre distracted#the boys going back to their fathers and telling them all of your personal business#'yeah dad when she was at work i used my xray vision and saw her creepy manager grope her in the walk in'#suddenly your small little privately owned cafe was just bought out by wayne enterprises and your boss is fired or goes missing#maybe Bruce gets you a job st Wayne tech bc hes been following you as batman and he doesnt like you working third ahift#lmao heres hoping i actually finish it wven though im not quite sure where to go w it yet#but like its literally over 8 pages at least so. obviously some sort of creative juices are flowing#yandere stuff#sinprompts#at this point i cant promise shit bc my emotions and motivation are waaaaaacky
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how I imagine Sari and Alexis look in @floofyfungi 's Miracle series :D
extra:
#transformers#dragonformers#alexis thi dang#tf alexis#sari sumdac#transformers armada#transformers animated#tf sari#yeah the purple dragon head is skywarp#i put alexis in green because red feels too harsh for her current state in the fic#and i wanted sari to have a sort of rustic feel to her clothes#oh and on alexis's dress: those are clothespins on her shoulders because all her clothes are too big on her#and her sleeves are like that to look sort of like seeker wings; like she's trying to 'fit in'#and of course i had to include sari's hair clips#plus alexis got a tooth knocked out; not sure when that's coming back#fishyart
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hey… (throws them at you) the diamonds. but ponies.
edit: WHY DID THE QUALITY DROP WAHHH
#yeah they are all alicorns. i only have blue’s off for now because they got in the way of the hair i tried so hard to wrap around her chest#i couldn’t find anything good for blue’s hair either she was so difficult#so i apologize for her lookin like that#pink and yellow’s hair was sort of hard to figure out. i had to put a couple items in there to make the shape#anyway i just thought these were pretty cool#im not very good at making ponies though so bear with me#pony town#steven universe#pink diamond#yellow diamond#blue diamond#su#WHITE ISNT HERE CAUSE. honestly idk it’s so hard to make her completely white when pony down has auto-shading
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From Season 3 Ep9 Revelations Chapter One Live Blog
“The baby was hungry”
“Please you helped me so much since I first got here.”
BOY SHES GONNA EAT YOU ALIVE IF YOU DON’T CUT THIS SHIT OUT 👀
JIM I STG YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN ASS BRO I MEAN RANDALL WAS A DOUCHE BUT STOP PLAYING COP, WE ALREADY GOT THE YT LADY DOING THAT! 😭
Oh thank fuck he’s listening for a change instead of charging in guns blazing.
Oh shit she’s gonna go for the jugular isn’t she?
Please no one shoot the messenger, Sara has done fucked up shit, but she’s helpful.
Weird how Fromville is basically playing them all like chess pieces or one big show or something.
Oh gods please keep cop lady away from Victor. I don’t trust like that.
DONNA IS GAY I KNEW IT (or that’s her sister but listen... VIBESSS)
THATS WHY BOYD IS THE GOAT!!! 🔥
Ellis is hot. I think that a lot, but just wanted to say it. He’s cute.
Someones gonna die today and Elgin's got the final sayyyyy (epic the musical thunder bringer reference yeah)
“I’m a good cop!” For the crowd who usually jokes about participation trophies you sure are giving yourself one. Bruh I wish the monsters got you on the night you arrived. Someone get this pig out of here.
Hey Victor buddyy... hey maybe don't... do that.
Woah kid hi wtf?
You an angry spirit or something boy in white? "because I tried" WELL, TRY AGAIN THEN! If you're gonna stick around fucking help!
Wait no Victor is right, this kid does look different, sounds older too like preteen or teen. wtf is happening?
ELGIN IS GONNA GET CAUGHT IM CALLING IT NOW
Are they gonna do a time skip of some sort before season 5? Idk how I'd feel about that, but i randomly thought of it.
ELGIN SELF REPORT!?!?
ah nvm
oh shit oh fuck
I stg if this shit somehow teleports them I'm gonna be so annoyed
NO, GO IN TOGETHER PLEASE HOLY FUCK
NO NOPE NOPE NOPE FUCK YOU I HATE THAT. GET YOUR BLAIR WITCH PROJECT ASS OUT THE WAY PLEASE
oH THANK FUCK. bruh stg I'm always turning my volume down for shit like this, I hate getting jumpscared.
oh no :((( she saw Victor's mom get eaten by jerma
#I am so worried about whatever has its hold over Elgin#this little guy deserves better fr#I forget his age but iirc he’s a kid#someone correct me on if Donna had a sister and what scene what episode what time stamp and I’ll look#you gotta bring the proof fr#anyway yeah if not CALLED IT!!!!#poor Tabitha is becoming a medium or psychic or something and cannot handle seeing peoples trauma oof#elgin please be okay ellis too and fatima ughhh im worried about all of them#i got victor jumpscared at the end there and when he threw the stuff out lmao#don't expect any sort of live blog in the future; I just post impulsively on my every platform so it's just whatever I feel like#mine#op#from mgm spoilers#from season 3 spoilers#from epix#from mgm#from series#from live blog
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