#“wow dude Scott is actually so chill and comforting

[m0on-shro0m]

Okay so I’m just watching Scott’s P.O.V of Limited Life and now I’ve seen Skizzle’s compliment towards him. And he’s absolutely right about Scott’s energy but that’s not what this post is about.

This is the third compliment at least so far what I know- that Skizz has went up to a member and just said the nicest things- like— is this his plan to win Limited Life? To suck up even if he’s absolutely right and his words are true- is it his plan to get on the members good side and not be killed by them or form some protection by them?

Because honestly that maybe the most smartest thing Anyone could have done. Like Skizz is a mastermind behind flattery, bro could bribe someone into giving something to him by just saying the most kindest things ever!

I actually kinda hope it isn’t a plan and Skizz is genuinely going up to the members of the Limited Life Series and saying this cute kind stuff out of his heart.

I am going to watch his P.O.V as soon I’m done with Scott’s.

[starcrossedkaiju]

Kingslayer AU: Chapter 3

This one is a bit shorter. It’s entirely fluff, nothing bad happens here. I felt bad for my man, I really did. Scott really channeled Ethan Winters in that last chapter.

Also, Jimmy is here!

Once again Scott awoke to something touching his face. This time it decidedly was not water, although he kind of wished it was due to how dirty he felt. Scott groaned when he opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by harsh sunlight. He remembered making it to the desert and presumably passing out. Was he dead?

“Scott?”

Holy shit. Someone just spoke.

“Hey dude, can you hear us?”

Two mystery people hovered over his line of sight. Their faces were unrecognizable due to being backlit by the sun.

“Hey Scott, can you open your eyes?” Someone spoke softly to him. He reached up slightly with his hand and they took it with a loving squeeze.

Back on earth now, Scott recognized a half of his company.

“Is that you Jimmy?” Scott muttered through half lidded eyes, “It’s so bright, I can’t see your face,” he apologized quietly.

Jimmy giggled with a twinge of sadness, his hand traveled up to cup the other’s cheek, “yes it’s me dear. Grian is here too. I’m going to bring you home in no time,” he reassured.

A primal chill went down Scott’s spine. It sent his exhausted brain into an instant overdrive, causing him to loose his breath quite suddenly.

“No..” Scott said. His voice was hoarse and laced with something like fear.

“They’ll kill me,” he whispered pleadingly, “they’ll come back for me and this time they’ll just kill me! Please don’t, they’ll kill us,” he repeated until he had no more air to talk with.

Jimmy’s eyes were wide with shock, he’d pulled his husband into his lap and off of the rough sand so that Scott’s head was off the floor. A hand fruitlessly rubbed circles on his arm in an attempt for comfort, which seemed to be lost on poor Scott.

“Okay- Scott? Count to ten with me will you?” Grian stopped observing and pat his disheveled friend on both of his shoulders to get his attention.

“Deep breath in, then out,” he guided, and Scott followed him shakily.

Grian made Scott do it ten times before shifting to counting up and down from ten. Scott was able to breathe again and he instinctively turned his head away from the sun. Jimmy placed a gentle hand over his eyes.

Scott tuned out of the conversation in favor of slipping into a comfortable numbness. He could infer the pair were considering their options to get him home. Jimmy couldn’t carry him alone, Grian definitely couldn’t.

The sun in the desert was harsh during the summer months, thankfully it was wintertime and a cool wind swept over the land. Scott focused on the calming sound of a breeze on the sand as he fell asleep once more.

*****

“Careful with him Scar, you’ll snap his neck,” Jimmy complained from somewhere under Scott’s line of hearing.

“Dude shut up, you’re being paranoid,” Scar chuckled back at him.

“I’m really not. Don’t let his neck hang like that,” Jimmy replied.

“Guys stop. His neck is perfectly fine,” Grian audibly hit someone on the arm as he scolded them.

*****

The uncomfortable feeling of grime against sheets greeted Scott when he awoke. It looked like late afternoon judging by the light coming through the curtain (which was a white sheet clipped over a window). He sat up, instantly recognizing his whereabouts.

The Sand Castle.

So it wasn’t a dream, he thought, he actually had made it out. Glancing down at his hands, he observed a myriad of bandages adorning his hands and wrists. They must have been pretty messed up. The rest of his body was still covered in dirt and sand, hence why they stuck him in a cot instead of a bed. Figures.

His sheet was also looking worse for wear, so when he stood up on mildly shaky legs he bunched up the ruined blanket and took it with him to go find someone. Making extra sure to hold the railing on the stairs, he came upon a window and took a second to look outside. The desert was expectantly barren, everyone must have been downstairs.

A muffled conversation became clear when Scott made it to the living room. Scar, Grian, and Jimmy had taken up residence on a single couch. They must have been waiting for something to smelt and conversing frivolously with the resident Enderman. A window near the door was propped open to let in the cold afternoon air which dulled the heat and mild stench coming from the furnace. It must be iron, for Scott could taste the faint metal in the back of his mouth.

He leaned on the doorframe casually as all the eyes in the room turned to him.

“Hey look whose awake!” Scar greeted him with an arms open gesture, “the dust man himself,” he added with a smirk.

“You really are quite dirty,” Grian agreed.

Jimmy almost threw himself from the couch, he went to hug Scott but was pushed away to arms length.

“They’re right, I am very gross right now,” Scott cautioned, but his husband would not be deterred.

Jimmy pushed the other’s arms down and pulled him close, leaning his chin on top of the other’s head gently. Scott sighed and gave in as well.

A unanimous decision seemed to be made when Scott was sat down on the couch. Scar, Grian, and Jimmy hovered over him awkwardly with worried faces. Unsure what to ask him and what not to ask him.

“Uh, I’m assuming you have questions?” Scott broke the silence.

“Yes. Many,” Grian said, “I suppose we should start with where you’ve been for the past three days,” he supplied.

“Three days?” Scott replied slightly horrified.

“That’s not good,” Scar said in reference to Scott’s lack of awareness.

“Well okay, let’s start with where you’ve been right? I mean I think we all know the answer, but still”, Jimmy sat down next to Scott. Probably for moral support.

“Right. Yeah, I got kidnapped; if it wasn’t obvious,” Scott said. Everyone nodded with an I knew that expression.

“They whacked me over the head with a stick in the woods and then,” he paused and looked at his hands. They were shaking, so he curled and uncurled his fists a few times.

“They threw me in a hole and left me there,” he said.

“Wait like an actual hole? Underground?” Scar asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes, underground, it was like a cell made of cobblestone. There wasn’t any light, and nobody came to visit me either. That’s probably why I didn’t know how long I was down there,” Scott confirmed.

“What so they just left you in there to die?” Jimmy butted in with a concerned inflection.

“Man that’s messed up, but hey this is good news! Now we have a valid excuse to take Dogwarts down right?” Scar said.

“What?!” yelled Grian, “this is not good news at all. What is wrong with you?”

“We are not building another bomb,” Jimmy said.

“We are completely outnumbered,” added Grian.

“I am not picking another fight with those guys. I think we’ve messed with them enough, look at where that got us,” Jimmy agreed.

“Guys shut up!” Scott said. He stood up from the couch. Everyone seemed to eye him with speculation.

“I need to go wash up,” he excused himself, taking the bedsheet with him out the front door.

*****

Around the back of the base there was an area where the mountain dropped off into a small pond. Scott slid down on the loose sand until he reached the dock where the Red Desert kept their stash of gunpowder. The sky was empty and quiet, eerily so. The only sound came from a slight din of insects and the babble of water lapping against the legs of the dock.

Peaceful.

Scott pulled off his boots, dumping a mound of dirt from both of them before continuing to strip down to his shorts. He waded into the water and submerged himself. He could see the cloud of dirt coming off of him when he ran his fingers through his hair.

Scott stayed under the water for a while. The muffled ambience calmed his nerves. He allowed himself to cry for a moment, then returned to the surface.

“Wow, I didn’t think you were coming back up,” Jimmy said from above him.

Scott yelped with shock, spinning around to face the other.

“Don’t do that!” he scolded with no malice, but he splashed some water in his direction.

“I didn’t even do anything,” Jimmy pleaded and laughed as he was bombarded with cold water.

“Whatever. Were you just standing there watching me?” Scott asked.

Jimmy shrugged dismissively.

“You creep,” Scott splashed him again.

Jimmy made to reach down and get Scott back, but the ladder grabbed his hand when it was near and pulled his unsuspecting husband headfirst into the pond. Jimmy seemed to have already dressed for the occasion and was also wearing his shorts and a T-shirt, so there was no real harm done to him besides his meticulously styled hair.

Scott leaned on the dock to prevent himself from drowning in his laughter. Jimmy resurfaced and a long string of water flew from his now messy hair as he flung it from his eyes.

“You…” Jimmy growled, sending a playful spritz into Scott’s eyes.

“You,” Scott said, “were asking for that,” he teased.

“Ugh. Well I’m glad you still seem to be yourself after all that. Don’t be taking it out on me though,” Jimmy joined the other on leaning on the dock.

“No promises,” Scott responded jokingly, but his smile quickly faded from his face. He pulled himself out of the water and onto the dock, a puddle forming under him where he sat with his legs in the water.

The lake was a deep blue color, just barely able to see the bottom through the dark shadows cast by the mountain in the now setting sun. Scott’s reflection gazed back at him. Cleaner than last time, his bangs were plastered to the front of his face by the water, which had turned his hair into as deep of a blue as the lake below him.

He felt rather exposed. Still afraid that Dogwarts was hot on his trail, they’d no doubt realized he had escaped them.

This was not the life he wanted. Constantly being on the run, feeling unsafe at home, and fearing that your presence could be the reason the people you love get hurt. Scott looked at his mangled hands, his fingers were irritated and red from where they poked out of the bandages; and for the first time in a long time he felt pain.

Not the pain that comes when you catch your finger in a doorframe, or the pain from a bad trip down the porch steps; the pain that grows in your chest when you feel like a burden. When you’ve had to be picked up and glued back together by another person one too many times. When you’ve spent your life running, only to fall into someone else’s arms and suddenly feel safe for once.

When you’re terrified of what will happen if they’re not there anymore.

“Hey,” Jimmy said with a reprimanding tone, “you’ve got that look on your face,” he warned.

Scott threw him a side glance, “what look?”

“That look. The look you get when you start overthinking your life instead of talking to someone about it,” Jimmy recited.

“I hate when you do that,” Scott sighed.

“Do what?”

“Know me,” Scott deadpanned.

Jimmy hoisted himself up and sat next to his husband. He tamed the strands of hair from the other’s eyes, tucking them behind his ears.

“I brought some soap. I was planning on lending it to you before an attempt on my life was made,” he said, leaning backwards and coming back with a bucket and a bar of light orange soap. It was lightly used, it smelled of citrus and mint.

“I feel like I never knew anyone before I knew you,” Scott said as he examined the bar of soap up near his face.

That wasn’t entirely a lie. Jimmy was the first person Scott had seen after entering the border.

“Sometimes it makes me afraid that I know someone so intimately. It makes me feel dangerous,” he said.

“Dangerous?” Jimmy took the soap from his hands and filled up the bucket with fresh water.

“Yeah. In the way that loving something so completely makes it easier to get to me. I’m afraid of people finding out that the way to destroy me is destroying you,” Scott explained.

“That won’t happen,” Jimmy replied, “I can’t even count how many times we’ve almost died and been just fine. Remember that TNT?”

“Oh my god don’t even remind me,” Scott covered his face.

“I am reminding you, because it was cool! I mean I’m the one who took out the Red King without dying,” Jimmy bragged.

“On accident!” Scott reminded him.

“Nobody needs to know that. Also I got him first,” the other added. Scott kicked water at him.

Jimmy put a hand on Scott’s back and pushed him into the lake.

“Hey,” Scott said.

“Stay right here,” Jimmy directed and positioned Scott between his knees so that he could reach his hair easier.

“Don’t let that indestructible mindset get to you,” Scott said. He admired the ripples on the surface of the water.

“Maybe if I believe it enough it’ll be real,” Jimmy said with no particular conviction, focused on making sure he adequately scrubbed his husband’s hair.

[thequeendesi]

Title: Never Forget It

Alt Title: You mean me?

Warnings: Vaguely mentioning reader's been assulted before

Pairings: Scott Reed x Reader

AU: N/A

Disclaimer: i dont own you or the 13 Reasons Why franchise, i do own the writing.

Rating: PG-13

..

You sighed, your hand flat on the door. Your mother suggested the group to you. A support group, though you couldn't help but still feel like you weren't victim enough.

"You going in?" You snapped out of your thoughts as you made eye contact with brown ones. "Oh.. hi." You moved out of her way. "I'm scared too." You let out a soft laugh.

"I was my first meeting too. You want me to walk in with you?" Tears threatened to spill as you nodded. The girl reached out her hand as you took it.

The room smelled like vanilla and pop. A few girls had already sat down and made small talk. "Jess! Nice to see you again." The older woman said who sat at the north of the circle.

You bit at your lip nervously as you sat next to Jess, your denim purse in your lap, your ankles crossed.

You watched as Jess conversed with the other girls, smiling happily. "Will you be going to Liberty High?" A girl sat next to you. "I'll be starting the week after your guy's first week."

"My name is Nina."

"(Y/N)."

"What grade are you in?" She asked, trying to make conversation with you. "Senior." You rubbed your shoulder. "I'm taking extra classes so i can graduate earlier."

"That must be a lot work." Nina smiled at you.

Honestly, you could feel your nervousness leave your body.

…

You listened to everyone talk about how they were coping.

"Now would anyone else like to share… new girl?" The woman looked at you. "Can… can i stay sitting down?" You fidgeted with your thumbs.

"Of course, as long as your comfortable."

"Oh.. alright, um.. My name is (Y/N), I'm 17, turning 18 (Y/BD), my favorite color (color), and I moved here a week or so ago." You cleared your throat. "I don't know what else to say."

"And that is perfectly fine. You're doing just fine (Y/N)." Everyone began to chime in, telling you it was fine and you're doing well.

..

You sigh, and rub your knuckles as someone approached you over at the snack table. "I think you're really brave for coming here."

You turned around, "thank you. Justin, right?" You tucked some hair behind your ear. "Oh yea." He laughed a little.

"So, where'd you come from?" He asked, grabbing a red cup of Sprite. "Dothan." You said, looking over at his confused expression. "Alabama." You chuckled nervously, you hadn't really been that close to another person since..

"Have you gone too our towns movie theater yet? Me and Jess we're going to go see that new comedy."

"Oh are you and Jess..?" You asked, looking over at the caramel skinned girl, who, surprisingly, thrown a thumbs up at you.

"Yea. She thought you might need some friends who.. get it."

That's all you needed, honestly, you felt alone and wanted friends who understood.

..

Soon, you were included into Jess and Justin's friend group. Upon that, you met Zach Dempsey, Tyler Down, Clay Jensen, Tony Padilla, Alex Standall, Sheri Holland, Courtney Crimson, Scott Reed and Sheri Holland. They'd allow you at the table at Monet's, you definitely had a strict 'no-touching-me' rule. Which everyone ahered too.

"Did anyone do any of the math homework last night?" Zach asked, sitting down in his usual spot. "I did." You said. "Do you all need it?" You asked, looking up from your other classes' homework.

You ended up discarded your wants to graduate early. The high school experience seemed to suit you.

Your friends nodded, making you give a soft laugh and get the paper out of your binder, putting it on the middle of the table.

You looked over to the other side of the table. "So, (Y/N), got any plans for the weekend?" Alex asked you, prompting you to shake your head.

"Want to go see that new movie with me and Zach?" Alex rose an eyebrow.

Zach and Alex had been dating for a few weeks. "I wouldn't want to intrude." You laughed a little.

"I, honestly, just wanted to stay home this weekend, watch both Zombielands, eat pizza and just… just chill." You messed with your knuckles. "Not to say that I don't really like hanging with you guys, but I just want a weekend in." You dont say love, you haven't in months, not since him. "Calm down (N/N)... you don't have to explain shit to us." Tony who sat next to you, moved to nudge you, but stopped before you could notice.

"I know a pretty good pizza place. I could bring one over." Scott said, looking over at you, holding a mug in his hand. "That sounds... nice. Thank you."

..

You sighed, you wore a pair of grey baggy sweats and a Repzion hoodie, two sizes too big. You sat on the couch, legs crossed. Commercials started as you checked your phone for the time.

A knock at the door made you jump up and walk over to it, looking through the peephole. "I bring gifts." Scott smiled, holding up 2 boxes of pizza and a bottle of Sprite.

You unlocked the door letting him in. "Welcome to my humble adobe." You watched as he found his way to the kicthen with ease. "Wow… you really know this house."

"I actually lived here as a kid, then moved to my current house 8 years ago." Scott said. "I got plain cheese and a pepperoni meat pizza." You walked behind him. "And in case you had an allergy or something, gluten-free."

"Well, don't just stand around," he laughed. "Grab a slice." You nodded, grabbing a (pizza) slice. "So, what made you come here?" He asked as you both ate a slice of pizza.

"I don't like talking about it." You said, discarding the crust. "I can respect that." You nodded. "Do.. you want to stay?" You looked at him. "Watch the movie with me?"

"Are you comfortable with that?" He asked.

You paused, before nodding. "Yea. I am."

..

You ended up asleep, your head on the side of his chest. Your breaths were slow, calm, anxiousless. Scott hasn't even noticed, his arm was draped over your shoulder.

Your parents ended up coming home at around 11pm at night. This wasn't the first time Scott had been over, however it was the first time with out Jess, or any one else for that matter. Scott came over loads of times in the few months you has began hanging out with the group and your parents quite liked him, kind, respectful, 'a good pickle' as your dad said.

They nodded to him as they put the pizzas in the fridge along with the soda. "You get sleep soon Scott." Your mother said too him as she went down the hall to her bedroom with your father, closing the door behind them.

Scott sighed as he turned his head to the TV, watching the remainder of the movie.

..

Morning came and assuming Scott left you let out a disappointed sigh, sitting up you pushed your hair from your face and stretched.

"Good morning sunshine." Scott said before handing you a biscut and a cup of coffee he had gotten at the local breakfast place. "Oh, good morning." He had went into the kitchen, placing down two other coffees and biscuts on the counter before drinking his own walking back over too you.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked sitting next to you on the couch.

"I slept… fine." You said, even shocked yourself at the end part. "Well, I gotta start getting back to the house." He said before reaching his hand out. "Goodbye handshake?" He asked. "I know you don't exactly like touching, but what's a handshake got to hurt?" He asked, smiling softly. It make your stomach flutter as you grabbed his hand, shaking it.

"Come back another time?" You asked, a tinge of hope in the question.

"Maybe Saturday's can be our movie night." Scott smiled before taking his hand back.

"Maybe." You smiled a little.

..

And so it did, just about every Saturday, you two would watch a movie, eat a box of pizza, drink a liter of soda, fall asleep, Sunday, Scott would bring you and your family breakfast and a coffee for each and then leave around midday.

This went on for an entire school year, and in that school year, Scott had immense joy watching you change into someone new.

You were still socially awkward and wary of new people, but it wasn't as bad as it was when you first got here. You didnt wear as many hoodies anymore either, it was upgraded to teeshirts and jackets, his jacket sometimes.

There was no doubt about it. Your best friends definitely went Jess, Scott and Tyler.

"So... plan on telling me the details with Reed?" Justin teased. "(N/N) definitely has a crush." Jessica teased. "Even if I did?" You rose an eyebrow, sitting at the lunch table. "Why dont you ask him out?"

"I don't want to mess anything up with him." You sighed. "With who?" Scott asked, sitting next to you. "My dog! Uh, we're training professionally." You said, making a quick excuse up.

"You don't even have a dog." Scott rose an eyebrow.

"We're getting a Dobbie." You said. "Oh, cool. So what's gonna be the movie for tomorrow night?" He asked, eating a french fry. "I was thinking The Grudge? In theaters?" You asked, looking up at him.

"Oh dude, that's sick. Hell yea. Let's definitely do it."

You heard Jessica snort a little, she could obviously tell your attempt of asking Scott out on a date was, to say the least, failing.

"What are we gonna do for food though?" Scott asked. "I got paid yesterday.. we could go out for dinner too." You paused. "Finally could actually go to that pizza place you talk about." You looked at him.

"Oh, uh, sure." He laughed a little.

"Pizza and a movie? Don't you guys do that every weekend? Switch it up a little. There's a new restaurant opened next to the theater, just gotta go next door." Jess winked at you two.

"What kind of restaurant?" Scott asked, his hands in his pocket.

"Hibachi."

"Hibachi next to a theater… sounds sanitary." You laughed a little bit, causing your friends to look at you. "Hibachi sounds fine." You cleared your throat, shoving your hands in your pocket.

..

You sighed, looking at yourself in the mirror. You couldn't even remember the last time you wore makeup, you wore a smokey eyeshadow look and black lipstick. "Why not do something different?" You asked yourself outloud.

"(N/N)?" Your mom walked into your room, her eyes welling with tears as she saw you looking at yourself in the mirror, a smile on your face. "It seems so long since you've smiled at yourself." She walked over to you.

"Is he here yet?" You asked, rubbing your arm. "Living room." She smiled at you. "No later than 2."

"Alright mom." You said, walking towards the living room, messing with the scrunchie on your wrist. "Hey Scott." You said, making him stand and face you. "Oh wow." He chuckled, looking up at you.

"Ready to go?" You asked, grabbing your wallet.

..

You laughed as you leaned back in your chair. "You didn't!"

"Oh, but I did." He smiled, obviously beeming with pride. "All I've done is talk about me. Why don't you ever wanna talk about you?" He asked, putting a forkful of his food in his mouth.

"I'm not very interesting." You laughed a little.

"C'mon. Tell me something from your past." He grinned.

"Hm.. When I was 13 I dyed my whole head green because I was watching some anime and I wanted to look just like the main character." You chuckled a little at the memory.

"Have you ever gotten into a physical fight?" He asked. "A few times." You looked up at him.

"I didn't expect that from you." He joked.

"I was a pretty scary person at my old school." You paused. "Was the the all mighty 'goddess' there. No one really fucked with me… but it uh.. it changed because..." you trailed off, staring at Scott's hand.

"Hey, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. Don't stress it." He held your hand.

"Thank you." You whispered. "Ever had a boyfriend before?" He asked.

"Not really." You looked up at him.

"Is there someone you want? 'Cause I could hook y'all up, just say the name."

"Scott."

"Scott Shellings, Scott Quinn, Scott Brown?"

"Scott… Reed."

"We don't have a Scott Reed… oh… oh… oh! You mean me?" He asked, smiling a little.

"Nevermind, it's stupid, I should've figured you didn't like me like that."

"Hey, stop." He squeezed your hand a little. "I… figured it was the other way around." He chuckled.

"What?" You picked your head up, looking at him. "I've... I like you. You're sweet and funny and kind and… you're my best friend." He chuckled.

"You don't have to lie to me." You looked down. "Have I before?" You looked back up at him after he asked that question. "No."

"Do you think I am now?"

"No..."

"Do you think I will ever?"

"No Scott." You said.

"One more question, how would you feel about being mine?"

"I feel… okay with that." You smiled at him.

"Just ok?" He chuckled, kissing the knuckles of your hand. "I'm not gonna say I love you just yet. But when I do, you'll never forget it." He grinned.

"I'll never forget this night."

[bigsnzstanacct]

D/ream Da/ddy SnzFic M*t 1

More of the DD story I started. This is the last one I have written so far.

Mat 1

Okay. Going to a concert. That is a thing people do. That is a thing I can do. I’ve been to concerts, I’ve been cool at concerts, I’ve been popular. at. concerts. And I was great at going to the last concert with Mat! How crazy can it be to go to another one? Granted, aside from that one concert with Mat it’s been… well, we don’t need to count how many years it’s been since I’ve been to a concert that wasn’t full of glitter, scream-crying, and gyrating nineteen year old boys dancing in sync—heh—and arguably singing. Arguably. The point is, I’ve been to concerts, I go to concerts, and I’m cool enough to go to this concert with incredibly cool Mat and his incredibly cool hair, and his incredibly cool band knowledge and his incredibly cool face. Here goes nothing…

I go to knock on Mat’s door—meeting him at his place this time, instead of the coffee shop, cause we’re Super Tight—only he opens the door at the same time I go to knock and I end up knocking on his… chest? He looks at me, head tilted slightly to the side, lips quirking like he’s not entirely sure whether he should laugh or not, and try to extricate my hand from his chest as gracefully as possible. (You cannot extricate your hand from knocking on someone’s chest gracefully.)

“I think I should follow this up with some kind of knock-knock joke maybe?” I offer, after achieving the ungraceful extrication. I can salvage this situation with a classic Dad Joke, right? There must be a way to make this happen…

“Like…” Mat’s seriously contemplating this, he’s deep in thought. Then he comes out with: “Like maybe, knock knock, who’s there, Mat’s chest. Mat’s chest who? Mat’s ‘jest opening the door at the same time as you?”

See, this is the best thing about Mat. (Well, one of the many best things about Mat.) I guess because he’s nearly as awkward as I am—or so he says, I’ve yet to see him be anything but adorable—he rolls with my awkward. It’s like our awkward cancels out to become our own private brand of cool, like multiplying a negative… or is it adding a negative to a negative… I have no idea how Amanda and I got through Algebra. Tenth grade was an adventure.

“Like that exactly,” I say, smiling at him. “Sorry for um, knocking on your chest?”

“No need to apologize, you can knock me any time you want… aaaaaaaand that sounded wrong. Sorry, I…”

“What are you talking about? That sounded just right to me.” I’m not exactly sure if I’m trying to flirt or not? There may or may not have been an eyebrow waggle, but also I wasn’t fully committed to it and a not-fully-committed eyebrow waggle is one of the most awkward things known to man, and even Mat’s superhuman awkward-canceling powers might not be able to overcome this one…

“SO WHAT BAND ARE WE SEEING TONIGHT?” I ask, considerably too loudly, but Mat seems grateful for the change of subject, and so am I. We start to walk towards the venue as he talks.

“The Comfortable Barstools,” he says, “it’s kind of a… indie singer-songwriter vibe, but with a house twist? Just these two guys, one sings and plays the piano and the other one mans a turntable and a computer that does all kinds of magic. Really, it’s a great outfit, I think you’ll enjoy them. They’re cool guys too. I jammed with Scott once—he’s the piano-playing one. I’m not technological enough to jam with Austin.”

“Well I mean what are you gonna do, wail on the Macbook?”

“Dude, I shred on the Dell.”

“Yeah, I bet you crush on the Hewlitt-Packard.”

Mat doesn’t exactly belly laugh at that one—he shouldn’t; it wasn’t that funny—but he does give one of his soft smiles. I try to collect those little smiles like tokens when I’m out with Mat. It’s how you know he’s having a good time. And if I sometimes let myself think those smiles mean something special about me, or about our relationship or whatever… well, what? I’m human, aren’t I? CAN’T A GUY DREAM?

And he is starting to tell me more of his old music stories. I never push, he’d hate that but… he just drops little stories like that, pretty often actually. It’s… it’s really sweet honestly. And if it encourages me in my little daydreams about our relationship, well… that’s just a bonus.

Mat looks serious all of a sudden, and for a second I’m afraid I’ve done something wrong.

“But uh, I have something to tell you…”

Oh god, this is it. I daydreamed too much. He caught me. He can tell. I’m not being a cool friend, I’m being… what do the kids call it? I’m being thirsty and he can tell and he’s gonna tell me to cut it out or find another friend…

“I’m really sorry but…”

Oh geez, here it comes.

“We can totally be friends!” I blurt at exactly the same time as he says, “Jonathan Jones is opening again.”

“Wait, what?” We say in unison.

“Oh I mean I just said… we can totally still be friends,” I say, trying to make a smooth recovery, “even though you’re putting my ears through the Jonathan Jones torment again.” Nice, nice recovery. Although, moment of intense awkwardness past, I fully process what he said. Jonathan Jones and the Speakeasy Choir? Again? The single most unpleasant collection of noise I have heard in my life? Oh geez. Well, for Mat. And For Music!

“Sorry,” Mat said, shuffling awkwardly, eyes down at the ground. “I just uh, I didn’t want to go to this one alone? I know I should have told you.”

“Ah, Mat, don’t worry about it. I’d sit through a whole Jonathan Jones concert for you.”

“Wow. Th-that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me in like a year.”

“Well, you know, I’m probably the nicest guy you’ve met all year, sooooo…”

“Haha. You probably are.”

We chat some, swap daughter stories, acquire some Beers. Maybe we have more Beer than we did last time, but I start feeling pretty buzzed. And I may or may not have gotten a little bold and suggested a shot or two. Mat seemed to hesitate for a second, and I hoped I wasn’t pushing him but after he eagerly downed his shot and ordered our next round of drinks, I was pretty sure he was cool with it. At least until I saw his face begin to waver, a look of… uncertainty on his face? And that uncertainty rapidly collapsed into something approaching panic. Had I done something wrong? Was I scaring him off? Mat could be skittish, like a deer with incredibly cool hair. But before I knew it he was turning away from me, raising his arm and…

“HEHTttssccchhh! HEHTtscchhhhh! HEHTschhh! HEHTscch! hehh… hehHHH… HEEHHTSCCccchhhhhh!”

Was that a sneeze? That certainly was not a Dad Sneeze. Leave it to Mat, World’s Coolest Dad, to have a normal Regular Man sneeze, unlike my great galumphing roars.

“Bless you, Mat, for those very un-Dad-like sneezes.”

Mat blushed, and looked at me bit quizzically before he choked out a sneezy “w-wait a mineehhhhh… ahhhhh…” and again he turned away from me, brought up his elbow to his face and…

“ehhttscchhhoOOO! EHTscchhhHH! huh… HUH-EHHHHT-Scccchhhhhuuhhh!” That last one had some force behind it, as he tried to clear out whatever was irritating his sinuses. But it still wasn’t really loud enough even to be heard over the noise of the room. Meanwhile, I’d probably drown out the band if I sneezed as many times as Mat had.

“Geez, Mat, you okay?”

“Y-yeah…” he said, smiling up at me as he turned back towards me, blushing a bit, nose slightly red. How did he manage to look so cute post-sneeze? “I um… the alcohol, actually. If I drink too much I get… oh geez… hehh… here it… heh-heh-hehh-hehhH… comes…” he said, chest swelling with air, head tipping back, voice going high pitched as the sneeze distorted his voice before he… “HEEHHHHHTT-sccchhhhhhh! Oh, geez! Whew!” he said, sniffing, as he reacted to the sneeze, which apparently had come on too strongly for him to properly execute the Vampire Dab Elbow Sneeze. He bent forward with the sneeze, pretty far, slowly recovering from what had, apparently, been a big sneeze for him.

“That was a big one!” He chuckled, saying as much.

“You call that a big one?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Mat, if I were capable of sneezing with even _half_ your level of chill…”

“Your… sneezes… aren’t chill?” Mat asked, smiling a bit.

“NO! My sneezes aren’t chill! I have horrible Dad Sneezes! I sneeze with the fury of a thousand Dads! I sneeze so loud, and so hard, that I once made not one, not two, not three, but seven toddlers cry from sheer shock. I can’t control it, I can’t manage it, it just…”

“eht-SHOO! ahhh… heettscchhOOO! HEHTschhhhhooo! hehh… EHTTTsscchhhh!” Mat sneezed again, his nose thankfully interrupting my sneeze-related ramblings. “Sorry I… I was listening it was just all that talk about sneezing must have made my nose itch.” He said, twitching it around experimentally, checking his nose for sneezes like one might rattling a jar for coins. “Sorry, I’m gonna be doing that all night. My alcohol thing once it… hehh… once it starts it just… comes back again and… EHTSCCHOOO!” He sneezed, another of his more forceful ones. I thought I glimpsed a glimmer of Dad Sneeze potential but… Mat was hiding his light under a bushel, alas. Of course it was probably good when one owned a food-service establishment not to be constantly sneezing loudly enough to strike terror into the hearts of all your quiet Macbooking coffeeshop-goers.

“Sorry,” Mat said, slightly bleary-eyed as he recovered from the heavy sneeze. “You were saying…?”

“Just… I have big sneezes, I guess. Wish they were a little more manageable like yours.”

“Manageable? I think I just sneezed twelve times in the span of five minutes. You call that manageable?”

“Compared to a true Dad Sneeze? Yes. Compared to mine? Mat… it is a fearsome and terrible sight. And sound.” I said solemnly. “I pray you never have to witness it.”

Mat rolled his eyes and laughed me off, and somehow flawlessly transitioned his eyeroll into turning away from me for another bout of properly dabbed “ehhttscchhuuhh! ‘scchhuh! TTttsccchhhuh! eeehhhTTCchuhh! HEHtchhhhh!”

“Bless you, Mat. Maybe enough drinks for now?” I offered, putting my hand on his shoulder. It felt warm.

He turned back to me and smiled. “Yeah, maybe enough drinks for now. Although you-know-who is coming up in a second. We might need just one more Beer. Might make them a little more bearable.”

“Bartender?”

— I had polished off more than half of my Beer—and Mat had fired off two or three more rounds of his tight, itchy sneezes, and we still had yet to be aurally assaulted by the dreaded Speakeasy Choir. It seemed as though Mat’s nose had calmed down for the moment. Perhaps he’d acclimated to the Beer. I just wished my nose would acclimate to tree pollen, cats, dogs, ragweed, hamsters (the way I traumatized Amanda’s class hamster… I still shudder to think about it), cut grass, all flowers, most perfumes, a few cleaning supplies and/or tomatoes. Alas… the Dad Sneeze was relentless. At least, mine were.

The Dad Bladder, by contrast… was shrinking. Shrinking every day. And that meant that even with only 65ish percent of my Beer consumed… a trip to the can, the head, the little boys’ room, the water closet, the pee-pee palace was in order.

“Hey, Mat, I gotta head to the pee-pee… I mean the restroom!” Damn my internal monologue.

“Oh, uh, actually I could stand to drain the snake myself.” (I was definitely not thinking about Mat’s “snake” the instant he mentioned it.)

“You sure you don’t want to wait until the Speakeasy Choir is up? The bathroom may be our only refuge once they start playing.”

“Oh, that won’t help. You can hear them through the walls. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

I could only sigh, as Mat and I headed towards the restroom, dodging teenagers the whole way. Of course, they all wanted to greet Mat, who continued being impossibly cool. They mostly bumped into me.

We reached the restroom at last, and it occurred to me that it was perhaps a little odd to go to the restroom with someone you were definitely just hanging out as dads, as dudes, as dudefriends, guypals, daddudebuddies… but maybe also you had a little crush on and…

I had stopped at the first urinal, while Mat, observing proper ManCode(tm) chose the open urinal furthest from me, which was of course the correct ManCode(tm) choice, which was relieving as I occasionally had the slightest bit of stage fright and you didn’t want somebody eyeing your one eyed monster while it tried to cry—wait no that’s a terrible metaphor—but anyway maybe I did want him eyeing my crying monster—wait no that’s even worse—

And suddenly a great cry went up from the Teenagers.

“oh no.” Mat and I said at once. And then before we could say, or even think anything else, a wall of incomprehensible noise assaulted us. Was that a kazoo? A banjo? A live bleating goat?

“YOU’RE RIGHT!” I tried to scream at Mat over the noise, “I CAN HEAR THEM THROUGH THE WALLS!”

“WHAT?!” Mat yelled back, as he zipped up and headed for the sinks.

“I CAN HEAR THEM THROUGH THE WALLS!”

“WHAT?!”

“I CAN HEAR—”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU ALL I CAN HEAR IS THE MUSIC THROUGH THE WALLS!”

“WHAT?!”

We probably would have gone on like that for some time, even as I joined him at the sinks, but suddenly a youngster walked in who had clearly bathed in some variety of Teen Body Spray. And the instant I caught a whiff of it, my blood ran cold.

“Take cover, Mat.” was all I could say before the urge was upon me.

I was going to Dad Sneeze.

But it wasn’t going to be any ordinary Dad Sneeze, oh no, not even for me. I’d always been allergic to those damned body sprays, even when I was a youngster attempting to cover up all the funk of adolescence with pounds of chemicals myself. It caused me to collapse into a sneezing fit on my first date with Amanda’s Mom. Luckily that was before my Dad Sneeze powers emerged. It was still incredibly embarrassing, but at least no one was hurt.

Now… someone was definitely going to be hurt. Because I was about to have a Dad Sneeze Attack.

I could feel the sneeze attack taking over, filling my lungs, erasing every other thought, overwhelming my senses with the primal urge to roar like a rare animal on a nature show attempting to intimidate a much larger and scarier animal it probably couldn’t take on in a fight but hey maybe if we’re loud enough it’ll go away (I figure that’s what my nose was thinking as the sneeze built up). My breaths came in great heaving pants like I had just climbed three, maybe four flights of stairs. My chest swelled against the maybe-slightly-too-tight-for-me-but-I-still-have-abs-sorta-right? t-shirt I’d chosen for the occasion. Every sniff took in more of that accursed Body Spray scent, like loading gunpowder into… whatever explosive device that you load gunpowder into.

I could barely even hear Mat asking what was wrong, could barely see him looking at me with his ordinary quizzical look, half a smile, a smile that was soon to be wiped off his face—especially because he was in the line of fire. And with the sneeze I felt building up, it was clearly either going to blow him into the wall or blast me into orbit… and I couldn’t take a chance with either. With my last burst of non-sneeze-occupied brain power, I desperately stumbled towards the bathroom door, and no sooner had I crossed the threshold than it came roaring up from my toes with a great, monstrous, uncontrollable, epic…

“GGGGGAAAARRRRRSSSSPPPPPPLLLLAAAAAAATTTTTSSSSCCCHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

It was as big a Dad Sneeze as I’d ever done. But I felt no relief. The urge to sneeze was just as strong, stronger even. I barely had time to open my eyes to see the surprised faces of the Speakeasy Choir as I reeled back for another:

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSJJJDDKKKKKKKKKAAAAAASSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEWWWWWWYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!”

I vaguely felt Mat’s hand on my shoulder, barely heard his cry of “Man, are  you okay?” before yet another hurricane of a Dad Sneeze overwhelmed me. And they kept coming. Again, and again, and again, I submitted to the Dad Sneeze Attack, and prayed the bar would still be standing when it at last released me from its grip.

But gradually, through the fog of the Sneeze Attack, I heard… clapping? And more importantly I didn’t hear… goat bleating? And then Mat… “I.. I can’t believe it. You did it. You… you’re drowning them out. I…” and then he was practically cheering, “keep going! Keep going, I think they’re giving up. I think…”

I could only hear bits and pieces. Most of my attention was consumed with the Sneeze Attack. But it seemed as though…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSPPPPPPPFFFFFFFF!!!”

At last the final sneeze launched itself from me. Bleary-eyed, I attempted to recover, and tried to imagine how I would possibly apologize to Mat but as I opened my eyes I saw him… beaming?

And everyone around was clapping, staring not at the stage, but at me, cheering.

Mat was shaking his head, and before long he was tipping his head back in a beautiful, open-mouthed laugh. I was unclear as to how it was possible for a man to have a beautiful Adam’s Apple, but the plain fact was that Mat’s Adam’s Apple was beautiful so it must be possible—

“You did it! I can’t believe you did it! Hahahahahahaha! You warned me you had an epic Dad Sneeze but… I might have to bring you and some of that spray to every concert.”

“Wha—?” I asked, still unclear as to what had happened.

“Cary, you—you—hahahahahahahaha—” Mat was still falling into peals of laughter, which made it difficult to understand what exactly he was saying. But eventually he managed to choke out: “you sneezed the Speakeasy Choir off the stage! I can’t believe it!”

“I did… what?”

“Cary. You sneezed so loud you drowned out the Speakeasy Choir. And you sneezed so many times, they got bored and left the stage!”

“I… oh. I mean uh… I did that on purpose?”

Mat just laughed harder at me, and ushered me over towards the bar. “Cmon. You deserve a seat, and a Beer. For once, I don’t have to survive an entire Speakeasy set to hear the band I actually came here for.” Mat said as we sat down. And suddenly he turned that megawatt smile on me, and I swear my insides turned immediately to pudding as he said, “you’re my hero, man.”

And that’s how we spent the next hour sitting at the bar, me assuring Mat that clearly, I wasn’t exaggerating when I said my sneezes were a fearsome sight to behold, him joking about how I was the only thing on earth louder than the Speakeasy Choir, and the occasional teen (or twentysomething, I know I couldn’t tell the difference) coming by to—I believe the term is—dap me up? And provide reviews of my Dad Sneeze Attack which included “the Dadliest Dad Sneeze that ever a Dad did Sneeze” and “extremely metal, brah” and “woah.”

I’d never thought that my sneezes could be a force for good but Mat was happy, I was a minor celebrity among the cool music teens, and we got to enjoy what was all in all a pretty great concert. And I was Mat’s hero, man. That’s all I need for a great night.

[swampgallows]

blizzcon recap, basically a big stream of consciousness text dump while i still remember things and i will make a refined post later i think

Thursday morning I went to bed around 3am, woke up at 630am, and then again at 730am to board my 840am train bound for anaheim. I had originally intended to drive myself to the con but decided against it, as I didn’t want to pay $60 for parking nor endure the stress of driving on the freeway solo for the first time. 

I took a lyft to my hotel and met up with sun​ (who gave me kandi!!!) and their husband aaron, then we went to claim our badges and make some store purchases.

after feverishly texting reglei we caught sight of each other in line, got tired of waiting, then made our way to disneyland. there we met up with zach and kept missing fitze by mere moments; finally caught fitze & friends at the river belle terrace (a place i have never been in before because despite my many years of being a passholder, there was never a reason or time for a sit-down restaurant experience at disney, so when i opened the door i IMMEDIATELY closed it thinking i was intruding on a private dinner event LMAO). we knocked out everything on the western side of the park (including a fry-filled splash mountain) and got some good pics. the ride on indy was one of the best i’ve had in years: no stalling, great speed, and tons of jerks that nearly threw me out of the jeep hell yeah. perce made it to disneyland in the evening and we got to enjoy space mountain, star tours, a second round of pirates, a VERY invigorated spin on the teacups, then left at closing. zach generously dropped us all off at our individual hotels before heading out himself.

around 2am i woke up convulsing with an anxiety attack and took half a med. i was scared i had woken up sun and aaron but they were coincidentally also awake. after some talking and goofing off with them we made the very informed decision to postmates some del taco to the hotel at 3am. my god was it worth it. i had selected the “fries and secret sauce” option, unaware that these ingredients were not sides, but components to be added to the inside of the burrito. wasn’t bad!

7am wake up for day 1 of the con. met for “breakfast” with perce and reg at the hilton starbucks, which said that they accepted rewards but then didn’t :| i sincerely dont even remember what we did first as everything in the con was so purely awesome and overwhelming. The opening ceremony brought tears to my eyes, of course, as it displayed “WELCOME HOME” on every stage. We mostly just traveled around the con, taking pics, learning the layout, and mentally digesting everything. We attended the VA panel in the early afternoon which was a GREAT decision (no spoilers if you haven’t watched the virtual ticket stream yet!!!) and then made our way to the main stage, where we parked for a good 5-6 hours for the WoW and HotS “What’s next?” panels, then the following WC3 reforged insight panel and, finally, the entire community night. i really want to make sure i grab clips of some of darin de paul’s mcing that night because the man was sawing at my heartstrings like a viola bow. i got very close to crying many times. have no fear put on another amazing performance—this time a wow track called “war mode”—and won the talent contest! we had the privilege of running into them after the performance to congratulate and get some pics w them. i also met up with hinz who i haven’t seen in forever and we got to talk about his brewing and the con! had blaze pizza for dinner then passed out.

breakfast at coco’s for day 2 of the con, this time with sun and aaron in tow. all i needed was hot cocoa and a slice of dark chocolate chip cheese pie. it was...so goddamn good. we started off the con with the warcraft sounds panel featuring the zone of drustvar and concluded with some great performances by david arkenstone and the tavern band. they performed the zandalari zocalo music and bloodsail, an old favorite! we puttered around the darkmoon faire until the build-a-panel featuring zone design in warcraft but couldn’t hear anything due to the acoustics of the stage, so i left to pick up my blink purchases with fitze. there i met a girl wearing kandi and traded with her; she gave me a rubber bracelet from a podcast she’d attended called ‘pwncast’ that reads ‘we bow to no one’ which is VERY garrosh. other than that we had a grand old time of waiting in a line we didnt have to wait in and then made our way back for the warcraft Q&A. the second i saw metzen i immediately screamed with awe and terror and then sobbed into my lap. perce and reg comforted me, and the rest of the panel was fairly uneventful. I think i was the one human being who shouted ‘woo!’ at the scott johnson’s mention of his interviews with metzen, lol. we were waiting for meggo to have a chance to ask her question but she didn’t get the opportunity :(

after the q&a we went over to the unofficial tumblr meetup organized by questifer which was a huge privilege and a lot of fun, and we even made some new friends. i spilled my spaghetti about garrosh to actual blizzard quest developers and im very embarrassed that i did. lmao. i really liked the casual atmosphere of just chilling on the floor though. fitze had to leave halfway through :( but the quest discussion went on for almost 2 full hours. it was really a humbling opportunity.

by that time, the closing ceremonies were underway. reg and i missed out on the hots finals so we just bummed around the overwatch arena for a bit just to see the thing and catch a few minutes of kristian nairn’s set. again, cool stuff, but nothing i can go nuts to lmao. it’s questing music to me. on our way out of the hots stage i ran into a dude wearing KIKWEARS and gave him kandi!! it was awesome lmao. we spent some ducats at the darkmoon faire, but the real prize was won as we were walking out and scored the literal actual absolute last three available boxes of lucio-ohs!!! mine had a hole punched in it so we ate a bit of it before returning to blaze pizza for dinner again. the cereal tastes like lucky charms to me! it’s very sweet, but good!

sunday morning perce, reg, and i secured a breakfast at dennys. when i went up to pay the check i saw the cashier was wearing a piece of kandi and i had the perfect piece for her, the “short stack” piece with the pancake eraser. she traded me the one piece she was wearing (!) which said ‘insomniac’ (obv haha). i made that kandi a while ago and it feels like it was fate for this moment to arrive. reg and perce and i all parted ways back to our individual hotels. i was just chilling in the lobby when i saw a woman wearing kandi, so i went over and introduced myself. she traded me a piece that said mermaid on it, due to my “mermaid hair” :> we started talking about phat pants and she said her daughters now wear the pairs she used to wear! and the kandi she chose was the “a book for ants” with the miniature bible on it, as she found it appropriate for her halloween “christian protest” where she blasted tchami and malla and had a totem that encouraged ‘sinners’ to dance with her, lol.

i excused myself for the restroom and she invited me to “come back and hang out!” so i did!! and when i returned the group was playing a fun card game called chameleon. and have no fear was playing with them!! daniella, one of the performers from the talent contest (they sang the song about vanilla wow), had also joined us. so i got to play the game with a few members of the group and made some new friends, leigh (who gave me kandi) and jaime/ace, who i talked to about old school raving and kandi for a bit. there was a point where everyone but ace went up to the room for their luggage so it was just the two of us sitting there talking, and a pair of guys came up to us holding some merch. “Do you guys want these? we bought too many loot crates.” i was stunned!! they handed me a shadow plush and a clip-on ganymede to ace.

when they all returned, they were trying to plan what to do next, and i told them i had to grab a lyft and start heading to the train station. leigh offered me a ride there!!! i really felt PLUR for the first time in ages, lmao. we all hugged each other and said our goodbyes.

arriving at the train station, i ran into other blizzcon people and we talked about wow the ENTIRE ride home. for the first leg of the journey it was a super full train and we all had to stand but it was okay. we were all enthusiastically talking about wow with zero awkward pauses or any points of contention. it was so amazing just thriving on each other’s hype. at one point another person on the train said “do you guys play this game or MAKE this game?” because we were talking about it in such detail LOL. we all traded battletags before i had to go. it felt really amazing to be able to just literally talk to strangers about something i love and have such an amazing conversation like that. it felt so awesome to just be connecting to people so deeply all the time. 

im going to try to preserve the memory of being able to connect to people like that, as i came home and felt isolated and disconnected from everything again. i want to keep riding the coattails of this positivity as long as i can so i’m not going to go into the details of that. a lot of us really felt we could come out of our shells; i kept stressing how “safe” blizzcon was; with all of the focus i’ve been making in therapy on vulnerability, connection, isolation, and the need to feel worthy of being loved, i want to keep these memories at the forefront while i try to forge a better future for myself.

i really hope i can go again next year!

[i-sveikata]

Gabby liveblogs the new teen wolf ep

i mean technically it’s not liveblogging since I’m in australia and the delay obvs but here we go guys prepare for death:

-lololololololo the fuck they always gotta start it at the school cause they cant afford another set anymore

-whut scott is the assistant coach???!!!!!

-omg hayden left?????? why do they literally just remove all of their female characters with nonsense explanations??? hello kira???? havent seen her in a while. do females not exist in beacon hills?? apparently even being a love interest isn’t a good enough reason to keep the gals around anymore dear god.

-’you want my whistle? who gave you a whistle???’ omfg coach finstock is the best

-the fuck was that supposed to be a wolf on the field or a coyote??? or malia???? legit can’t even tell, oh nvmind scott and liam followed it into the woods found a pack of dead wolves with weird bugs that are crawling out of their eyes, naturally.

-malia heading out to paris and not wanting to help anyone with the problem is goals. but you know there are other ways to write female characters without making their only interest being climbing dick you know, we can have depth.

-liam and scott bonding, lol, they cute and feels, scotty all worried he’s losing control, making him repeat the werewolf mantra dear god this is dorky. giving it instrumental impressive music wont change that friends.

-lol, ‘i got ducktape’ this is me.

-oh goody more mental asylum stuff and weird frozen mummified rock shit, is this a throwback to pompeii or what?

-yeah touch the petrified ashy human corpse thing, that’s a great idea obvs like what is even happening right now.

-of course some dude exploded out of it, why are we even surprised people? oh that’s right we’re not. wait who the fuck is that? no wait, i can guess, it’s another mediocre white guy.

-’i like latin’ liam you dork, oh poor kid ‘this has been a really hard year for me’ ‘if you want to talk about your girlfriend guidance hours are posted’ damn girl that’s brutal.

-interesting that all the youngins are getting a senior registration and applying to colleges scenes talking about their futures at school but for the veteran characters we barely got a sentence about it.

-’you can see me right’ omg lol corey are you having some visibility issues.

-who wants to guess this new college guidance lady is probably not human- lol the music just changed and went all sinister like bruh we already got this, literally every new character we meet ends up being evil like cmon.

-who the fuck is this nolan kid- yet another mediocre white boy!!!!!- are they going for the olympics in white boys what is this shit- oh god she wants to talk about the animal attack on the field.

-lol him being like ‘that was no animal’ jesus fucking christ honestly am i in deja vu land are we just repeating tired drama from the first season now.

-liam how do you not know what a scarab is????? have you not seen the mummy what kind of kid are you??

-haha that girl screaming ‘why does this keep happening to our school’ when all the rats show up is the real shit.

-mediocre other mummy white boy appears in the classroom, stares a bit and tries to look interesting and then leaves. wow lifechanging moment.

-naturally liam and mason end up in the pipes again, because where else would teen wolf film things that happen.

-lydia making a bestiary yeah girl. Her mama isn’t being very smart saying no to that- who’s guess is it she dies almost immediately??? yeah girl leave that paperwork in mamas desk. 

-scott trying out his weird electrocution kink with his mum, i am uncomfortable, but also teaching her the ways of electrocution is vaguely sweet.

-mama mccall gonna cover all the werewolf shit when scott is gone i love it. family bonding stuff yeaaaaaahh. oh shit she electrocuted him whilst hugging. family fun times.

-’i held the button, didn’t I?’ ‘you held the buttton’ BEST

-rat king ew is that what they said. gross. lol malia making liam smell the gross dead rat.

-REROUTED. malia is determined to get on a plane to get that french dick apparently.

-how the fuck did mummy white guy end up in the sheriff station???? do the deputies no longer exist?? wheres papa stilinski???

-parrish on the creepy white dude, all is well apparently.

-liam and mason bringing mama mccall a nice dead rat. bring her dinner you sick bastards.

-the fuck??? hallways in flames, parrish meeting another possible hellhound??? what is trying to be said here, fucked if i know.

-weird white guy has some kind of blood kink, sniffing all the injured people in the hospital because of reasons.

-idiot dudes punched liam in the face and he lost his shit. some mantra kid. use the werewolf force. freaky white mummy guy looming in the hallway behind him, cue demon suspense music while he chases for liam now in a closing elevator.

-ANDDDDDD the door closes before mummy white dude can get to him. shocker. i am on the edge of my seat with surprise and  anguish obvs

-lydia showing up to get scott? i thought in the last ep stiles said hed be driving down to campus with lydia together???? does that mean she did and came back for some reason?? or stiles miraculously teleported there on his own. wow i love continuity. good thing im watching teen wolf huh.

-all the lights go out, because its lydia this is teen wolf and EVERYTHING MUST BE DARK AND HARD TO SEE AT ALL TIMES.

-phones ringing are always the most suspenseful thing to happen to me as well, love hearing that dialtone and having a wind machine suddenly blowing hair out of my face before appearing back in... wow you guessed it- the school!!!

-ohhhhhh spideyweb time. love it. gotta touched those creepy webs because otherwise what else could lydias banshee powers possibly do. lots of screaming. love that. was that gunfire? idk here this is stupid. 

-ah yes, lydia miraculously finds the perfect bit of web to touch because of unexplainable reasons.’ YOU LET IT OUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RIDE WITH THE HUNT FOREVER’ k thanks im hanging up the web now byeeeeeee.

-how does nobody lock the fucking school doors at this point. parrish and mummy white dude just walked straight in.

-’what are you?’ ‘you know what i am im the same as you’ lololololololololl this is gonna be some weird hellhound pissing contest.

-’something you let out, something that needs to be stopped’ oh goody something new an differernt for us. so innovative.

-ah yes, the pissing contest begins. or fire contest i guess? idk?/ and oh hey the guidance counsellor lady was not as she seemed!!! wow, i never would have seen that coming in my life. thanks

-hey guys when you take away the fire, it’s just two shirtless dudes homoerotically wrestling with each other.

-oh well time for parrish to sleep it off,

-’if the wild hunt couldn’t keep you nothing can’ this is literally sounds like the fucked up adage ‘if i cant have you no one can’ and i am uncomfortable.

-oh boy white mummy guy isn’t after liam- i could never have guess that would happen.

-’it must be stopped nothing else matters’ wow, no, because here I was thinking just let the monster run free and kill people and pile up bodies and stuff. isnt that what teen wolf is about.

-OMG SCOTT GOT INTO THE JEEP  AND FOUND A ‘BE GENTLE’ LETTER FROM STILES THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EP I SWEAR

-what the fuck lydia, popping your ass up in the middle of the headlights like some kind of ghost haunting, ‘we cantt leave’ bruh you need to chill. 

-of course they need some scene with mason giving liam a pep talk like hes the most important character in this show, yeah id totally believe that. hey heres an idea instead of making it about comforting him for losing his girlfriend, how bout you dont write his girlfriend out, there i fixed it.

-malia’s flight no longer delayed!!! haha that squeal of excitement, omg she yelled ‘Oui Oui’ i gotchu girl leave this hellhole while you can.

-opp and heres scott and lydia out to ruin her fun. ofc.

-”no, no nonononono  no, its just rats and wolves- and maybe a little bug problem’ see shes got the spirit. let her get french dick in peace. but also, how the fuck are they gonna explain her and scott hooking up in the future because idk what a fucking ride.

-goes to the window instead because her friends are trying to cockblock her- shes DETERMINED PPL U CANT STOP THE DICK.

-lol scott steps aside and then lydia moves into malias way MY GOD before scott pulls her back out, fuckin i cannot.

-two seconds of disappointed looks but cmon guys lets not pretend that malias an independent person who can make decisions outside of the group- aaaannnnnn shes back. wow. quelle surprise.

-but hey at least she hit scott in the face with her bag, get it girl.

-injured white mummy hellhound staggering through the woods then shift to lydia, malia and scott in the car ‘we opened a door to another world and something came out with us’ THIS IS LITERALLY THE PLOT FOR SEASON 3? 4? THE ONE WITH THE NOGITSUNE CMON PPL.

-of course guidance counsellor college lady is gonna kill white mummy hellhound boy. i support her.

-’what kind of price a big price?” ‘big’ wow, A+ dialogue here, someone give them an emmy for this shit.

-oh no guidance counsellor lady in trouble. bu t of course when push comes to shove, shoot white mummy hellhound boy in the head. but white guy actually died for once???? props. lets see how long hell stay dead before theres a reason that makes no sense to bring him back. cough cough theo.

-two seconds later cause apparently thats enough time for her to escape without the Gang sans stiles noticing. even though two of them have increased hearing and sense of smell?!!!??!! because it wouldnt be teen wolf otherwise.

-lydia ‘i thought you couldnt kill a hellhound’ WHEN WAS THAT EVER SAID??? I LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER THAT BEING STATED???

-scott, picking up the bullet casing which apparently killed an unkillable hellhound but hes just so good its not an issue. oh hey, is that a fleur de lis?

-’argent’ ooooooooohhh more suspense. dont think i can take it.

-’the sound of someone who’s never lifted a hand against a human being’ you can says shes a hunter lydia, her trunk was full of murdery shit we get it.

-also whats with teen wolfs repetitive need to make girls have an emotional distressing response to something before they go all ‘i kill you, ill kill everyone, ill kill myself idgaf’ and their expression goes all Tough Girl. like cmon. u realise girls dont all react the same way to the same things right?

-but hey props to guidance lady for not dying, though i mean she’s a girl and shes not white so lets assume her chances arent strong for future eps.

-lol all three of them sitting on scotts bed together. is it just me or should they all just make out, im just saying.

-’can we say we forgot?’ omg lydia PHRASING, u literally forgot stiles barely a few eps ago, dont crush him already.

-’we almost lost him last time’ i just love how the girls have all the emotional lines and scott just gets to sit there a nod like stiles hasnt been his best friend for years and years. but apparently connection on teen wolf means only if you want to fuck each other since scott magically forgot stiles without much effort and the entire season was about lydia getting him back even though they literally werent even dating and theyd given no indication shed even liked him when he was taken. but suddenly shes magically interested in him and the connection with scott, his best fucking friend for life somehow wasnt strong enough and I AM SALTY.

-malia- ’if this turns out to be somthing big and we don’t call him-’ ‘he would kill us’ hey look Scott got to say something accurate about his best friend, yay!

-’you guys didn’t hear his voice, he was really excited to be there’ aww scott, but seriously you asshole writers are still telling me their connection wasn’t enough for scott to bring him back? for shame.

-’lets just play the voicemail’ lol here comes the swelling emotional music.

-but seriously fuck you guys, heres stiles telling scott to leave beacon hills behind him and that its not his responsibility and not to worry about it and take stiles’ jeep (which we know he loves more than anything) and drive, and the instrumentals are getting really emotional showing stiles at the fbi and youre still trying to tell me that scott wouldnt have remembered his best friend without lydia???? fuck off.

-omg the nerd stopped at the fbi seal and straightened his tie i fucking love it.

-seriously whats with this music??? like stiles just won the damn noble peace prize or something just for showing up. its no wonder ppl think scott isnt the main when the writers give stiles all these storylines and attention, like this is not subtle ppl.

-stiles constantly interrupting the fbi dude in the middle of the presentation gives me life omg.

-’one recent manhunt had our crisis response team chasing down a bizarrely feral unsub in the wilderness of north carolina-”

-OFMG LOL ITS DEREK 

-STILES SPAT WATER EVERYWHERE THIS IS GREAT

-are they literally trying to sell that this is current??? like that is clearly season 1 footage of derek what the fuck is happening right now. why cant he just have a vacation for fun, why do the writers have to ruin everything for him but nope, mass hunting derek time ofc,

-the way stiles put his hand over his mouth as if that would cover up the fact that he literally spat water everywhere. smooth stilinski.

-omg the presenter dude look down at the list of names seeing Mieczyslaw Stilinski and legit being like ‘uh... young man’ thats awesome.

-’just got a little excited’ honestly what the fuck teen wolf. you baiting sterek fans or what?

-stiles trying to find out what they’re after him for- ‘Murder’ but what type of murder. “Mass murder’

-suspenseful music AGAIN jesus fucking c h r i s t.

-OMG now they’re just zooming in on dereks tattoo, increasing the music. dude we fucking get it, thats derek hale and you, the writers, fucking hate him. chill.