#“what are you a mysoginist? You a creep? You think a woman's too weak and delicate to take a basektball to the skull?”

[ffcrazy15]

Damn, Taiga really said "equal rights equal fights" with that redheaded chick huh.

[gor3sigil]

I need you to read all of this and engrave every word into your psyche.

When I first came out as trans I was in a relationship with a woman. She'd berate me every time I would show an ounce of masculinity, saying shit like "wow you're being so trashy rn" while expecting me to behave in an "trad masculine" fashion in public when I wss with her (like grabbing her butt in public, be possessive of her, shield her from other men etc) and called me a "weak ass bitch" and a transtrender when I told her that I wouldn't act like this because it made me uncomfortable.

She made me give her every clothes and accessories I had that, for her, were "too fem" for me, including the ones SHE gifted me, and clothes that were precious to me but I conceided after months of being insulted for wearing them even just inside, that I'd be seen as a "gross creep weab" for wearing geeky shirts or that I "wouldn't pass for shit".

When we were with her girl friends it was common for me to get jockingly insulted all evening and to have to shut up about it because if I defended myself I was being mysoginistic.

Oh and when I started dating my then boyfriend I'd get called homophobic slurs.

I wasn't man enough one day, too man the next, depending on how she wanted to abuse me (because that was abuse).

And that went for every girl friends I had at the time because she wasn't the only one acting this way, but the power she had that our friends didn't was that she knew how bad I had been abused my cis men in my life and used that as a convenient tool to use against me when I tried to defend myself, telling me "you're acting just like your father", "you're a monster", with a dash of ableism when she'd say I was an "emotionless machine" relating to my autism.

And being like my father scared the shit out of me. I still struggle sometimes when I see that I look like him, so she knew where to aim.

And I wish that was something uncommon but no, like I saw another user say, we're Schrodinger's men. We exist as men when it's convenient to use against us and we don't when it's convenient for us to be "lost little girls".

I assure you, because I too was an "all men should burn" before to cope with my trauma, that hating men passionately and hurting whose around you will not erase what you went through. It will not protect you either, even if you think very strongly that it will. It doesn't work like that. And you'll hurt people in the process.

The narrative that men are all inherently bad, that masculinity can only be toxic, that any association with maleness is wrong, and that “choosing” to be more masculine is aligning yourself with the enemy,

Does actually hurt trans men.

A lot.

Nobody wants to be “the enemy”. Nobody wants to hurt women, to hurt their loved ones, to be an abuser. When these things are made synonymous with manhood, it becomes uncomfortable and even horrifying to realize that you yourself might be a man.

My ex was a lesbian who spent 5 years driving into me that any expression of femininity was virtuous and progressive, and any expression of masculinity was proof that I still “needed work”. For 5 years, I learned that the best thing I could possibly be was a feminine cis woman.

Two years after ending that relationship, I began to see transmascs (not many, but a few) speak up about the fact that trans men do face legitimate problems in society, and do not in fact oppress cis women. Not long after, I finally began to realize and accept that I myself am a trans man.

This is not an uncommon narrative. Demonizing maleness and masculinity as The Ultimate Enemy doesn’t help anyone; your enemy is the patriarchy. Not individual, marginalized and oppressed men.

All this serves to do is silence these groups, and make trans men fear the possibility that they themselves might be men. It perpetuates transphobia, it encourages violence against trans men, it silences trans men, and it pressures trans men back into the closet for fear of “becoming the enemy” instead.

Masculinity is not evil, men are not evil, maleness is not abusive, men are not all abusers and predators, testosterone is not “poison”, and trans men do not deserve to be punished for being trans men.

Think about who your words actually impact; do you think it’s the most privileged people who are going to listen and take them to heart, or do you think that it’s the oppressed who are ultimately going to be most harmed by your “righteous hatred”?