#“okay you can be gay but only as long as you aren't anything else queer.” you still have to find “the one” and settle down and get married

[neverendingford]

.

[bigbroadvice]

Hey, uh...

Hi....!

I... Wanted to talk to you about something because I don't have anyone else I can talk to about it (this is going to be a very long rant, ignore this if you like)

I... think I'm trans. Specifically transmasc. Or nonbinary. Or agender. I don't know what the heck I am XD. But... I'm Christian (specifically LDS). It goes against everything I believe. Or at least what I think I believe. I've done research. There seems to be a lot of discourse, but the majority seem to say it's okay, although I wouldn't be able to do certain things that I love if I started socially or medically transitioning. (You can ignore this part if you want, especially if you aren't comfortable with giving religious advice)

I have supportive friends and most likely family. I know at least some of my friends would accept me because a few of them are also trans or visibly supportive of it. I know at least one certain group of friends would support and encourage me if I decided to come out. And my parents once said something that very clearly said that they'd support me regardless of who I am (which makes me wonder now, later, if they knew before I knew.) They're just a little awkward about lgbtq+ stuff, and I know they'd get my name and pronouns wrong a lot and consistently struggle with it. But I think know they'd still support and love me.

On the other hand, there are quite a lot of reasons not to come out. I'm still really young. I'm only thirteen. I've heard a lot about how young trans people might face criticism, specifically things like "you might regret it later!" Or "you're too young to know this!". And the thing is: they're right. I'm still not sure exactly who I am. At first I thought I was agender, because I felt like I didn't really care about gender or what pronouns people used for me. But then I started to think I was nonbinary. And I thought about what it'd be like to be referred to as they/them, and it felt really good. And all the while, in the back of my mind, a quiet voice said "you could be a boy?"

Quick Sidetrack: I only found out I was gay because... I watched a whole bunch of lgbtq tiktok comps (I know, kinda stupid but hear me out). I watched so many that I began to question if I was still an outsider to that group of people. Eventually, after a lot of internal screaming, I realized that I was pan and ace, and came out. My parents didn't find out the way I wanted them to, having read through my texts, but after a very uncomfortable Talk it ended up pretty okay. But I only realized because I watched so many tiktoks. And I still wonder to this day if I was only faking it until I made it. I never had gay thoughts or feelings until I learned it existed, and I still wonder to this day if I still would've ever realized if I hadn't learned about it. The same thing happened with my depression: I only realized it and started having symptoms after I learned it existed. When I was younger, I'd had multiple times where I'd lied about something bad happening to me because I wanted attention. So I worry that might've been the case, and I pretended I had depression until I actually had it because I wanted people to make it known that they care. And I wonder if that's what happened with being gay: I worry I faked it until I made it real because I just instinctively wanted to be part of a community. Later I realized I didn't know anything about my orientation and started identifying as queer. But the same thing could apply to being trans: I might have just faked it until I made(??) It, because I want to be unique and part of a community.

So anyway: I'm questioning being trans for a number of reasons. I don't want to transition medically, because that just doesn't feel like a need for me (at least right now. I am still only a kid after all.) It's more socially transitioning that I want. But if I don't want to medically transition, doesn't that mean I can't be a boy? Doesn't that mean I kinda have to be either nonbinary or agender? I guess that's most of the reason I'm questioning which one I am.

I can't be a boy. I CAN'T be a BOY.

But.... one day I started playing around with my hair. Even before I'd started questioning Things, I've had an idea of what my hair could look like that I really really want and think would make me happy but I'm too scared to ask my parents to do it. And so I was playing around with it.... And decided to try parting it on the side. The way those stereotypically emo people (not saying that's bad just based on society's views and the media) have one side of their hair basically shaved and the other long. Just to see what I would look like.

But... I looked in the mirror, and at how my hair looked short, and looking the way I'd always wanted to look, and just how MUCH it changed how I saw both my physical features and my personality... It felt... right. A thought came before I could shut it down and said "that's me. There I am. I... I actually like that person!"

But.. I'm scared of how people other than that one group of friends will react. Especially this one group of people that are my favorite people ever, that make me feel like myself and I look up to them a lot (and they're all older). What if they, and/or my parents, listen to me come out, and then say "oh. Oh no, [name]. Please no. I don't want this for you, that isn't you".

I'm scared. I'm scared that they'll say something other than what they'll probably say.

Every day, I pull my hair back and part it on the side, and see a real, ME smile break out over my face. And then I pull it back to normal, and yell at my reflection that I'm not a boy I'm a girl I'm a girl I'M A GIRL I'M A GIRL because maybe if I lie to myself say that enough I'll be able to make it true.

And another thing: everywhere isn't... Ideal, to put it mildly, for trans people. But I live in the U.S, and there's currently a lot of political discourse about whether or not they....we deserve rights. I'm worried that if Trump gets elected, or laws get passed, that I'll bring harm not only on myself but on the people I love.

But... the daydream of saying "I go by he/him (he/they????)", and wearing boy's clothes, and looking the way I always wanted to, especially with my hair, and getting top surgery (maybe) when I'm older and being able to feel my chest, and going by the name Ace (get it cuz cuz I'm asexual? Ace? I didn't realize that until after I chose it lol and I find it funny) and just... feeling free to really, truly be me... I really, really want that. So much that it hurts.

But I'm scared. I'm scared I'll make that choice, and then realize it was the wrong one. I'm scared that I'm too young to know.

I want to come out. But... it might be better to wait until I'm at least sixteen, and things would hopefully calm down a little bit politically at least, and I'm better mentally equipped to make that kind of decision. It also might give my parents time to get more comfortable with lgbtq+ stuff.

But 3 years is a long time to wait.

I guess the question is: do you have a good way to stay in the closet? To resist the urge to tell people and be patient?

Aaaaaanyway, thank you for reading my very very long rant and hope you're having a great day/night!

Hey friend, lean in close,… no, closer

There is no such thing as fake queer people

If living a certain way makes you happy, then live that way! If a certain word helps you describe that lifestyle and/or the way you feel, use it! And that doesn’t have to be the same word forever. You’re allowed to try on labels and identities and lifestyles to see which ones fit best. Its ok to try something on for a while and then decide it’s not for you and you’d like to try something else. That’s how you figure out who you are!

That’s why the whole “but they’re too young to know” thing is so silly. This is when you’re supposed to be figuring stuff out! Kids try on all sorts of different things: hobbies and interrests, friendgroups, styles, personalities, worldviews. That’s a good thing! It’s called exploring! That’s how you figure out who you want to be when you grow up. If you figured out you liked science, did some googling into different science careers, and decided you wanted to become a neurosurgeon, most people would be overjoyed and do whatever they could to support you in that pursuit, even if later down the line you found something else in the science field you were more interrested in, or maybe something outside of science entirely!

It’s the same thing for gender and sexuality. Try on different kinds of clothes to see what you like wearing. Try on different sets of pronouns to see what you like hearing. Try on labels to see which ones you vibe with. Try out new hairstyles. It’s just hair. It’ll grow back. Try on names to see which one feels like you.

And its ok to be open about the fact that you’re trying things out and might not be sure about everything yet! You can just tell people, “I think I might be transmasc (or nonbinary, or agender). I’m going by Ace and He/Him (or He/They) pronouns for now.” And yeah, some people are probably gonna be assholes about it, but those people are gonna be assholes no matter what you tell them. Let their words slide off you like water off a duck. People who care about you and want to support you will go through that journey with you.

As far as the ‘not knowing you’re gay till you’ve seen a bunch of gay stuff’ goes, that’s also completely normal. I’m pretty confident most neurosergeons didn’t know they wanted to be neurosergeons until they heard about other neurosergeons. Some people ‘always knew’ something was different about them even before they had the words for it, and some people only started seeing that thing in themselves after they’d seen it in others. Both of those are awesome and neither is any less true! That’s the fun part of learning about the human experience. You get to understand other people better, but also, you frequently stumble upon things that give you a deeper understanding of yourself.

All that being said, it’s a good idea to test the waters when it comes to parents. Coming out does not need to be an all or nothing kind of deal. You can tell the people you know with complete confidence will support you first and ask them to keep it to themselves for now. (This is a good way to test out names and pronouns by the way. A smaller group means less hassle of having to let people know you’d like to try something else) Once you feel ready (and perhaps have made some plans with your friends for some emotional support if things don’t go as well as they could have) you can bring up the topic with your parents. If you’re not sure how they’d react to you coming out directly, it might be a good idea to talk about a trans friend of yours and see what they have to say on the topic. If that goes well, pitch a hypothetical “what would happen if I came out to you.” If their response makes you nervous, you can always backpeddle and say you were just curious what their views on the subject were. If things go well, then go for it!

Anyways, as someone whose ditched a religion I no longer believed in and gone through multiple names, labels, and pronouns to find what makes me happy today, I wish you the best of luck my friend. It’s an adventure. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You’ve got to be willing to fail if you ever want to succeed at anything.

[themostineptthateverstepped]

Obviously, I am very tense about the Loki finale tonight, so this post may not age well, but I just have to say this.

The kiss in the season 1 finale was super weird. Not just because it was some strange version of selfcest, but because there was no real chemistry there. It genuinely felt like Sylvie's last-ditch effort to distract/confuse Loki enough to achieve her goal of killing He Who Remains. And that is exactly what that was. She kissed him, he looked completely defeated during said kiss, and then she kicked him through a time door, killed Kang, and then went about her life.

She did not look at all pleased to see Loki again, and there has been no spark of anything between them the entire season. Even when they join hands to use their magic, it looks like siblings. THEY READ LIKE SIBLINGS. There really hasn't been any effort put into developing their chemistry or connection romantically. Even in their most recent interaction at the bar, Sylvie is playing the detached therapist, trying to guide Loki into admitting what he already knows, the true "why" behind his mission, and it isn't her. She even explicitly defines that she has her own story and path and advises him to write his own. Separately.

Now all of this is a long way of saying that, if they move forward and push Sylkie on us at the eleventh hour, I won't be angry because it's not my ship, I will be angry because they did absolutely nothing to grow it, to nurture it, to have it make any real narrative sense.

Yes, this is Tumblr, and we all love a good gay ship (because we are sad and gay and starved for representation), but Loki and Mobius actually make narrative sense. Not only do they each represent the other's turning point and catalyst for growth and change, but they are also two characters that have developed into something together. Their evolution is incredible, and we have been given scenes all season that parallel their growth, in the way Mobius doesn't hesitate to trust Loki, how he embraces Loki's mischief, how Loki comes back to Mobius again and again, defends him, comforts him. They have actively built the framework for Lokius, even heavily implying that Mobius is the "who" that guides Loki's time slipping.

However they choose to manifest Loki and Mobius' relationship, if they leave it ambiguous, if it's queer-platonic, if it's whatever, they at the very least need to make it abundantly clear that THIS is the fundamental relationship. Their bond is the heart of the show.

Loki needs to love Sylvie because he needs to be able to love and embrace himself as he is, all of his strengths, and all of his weaknesses. Sylvie, who is still so impulsive and bent on revenge, is an excellent opportunity for him to see where he came from and love her anyway. But we've seen him face her impulsive violence, and instead of him meeting her there and joining in, we saw him become calm and compassionate - we saw how Mobius had helped him to grow. We need Loki and Sylvie to love each other, because that is how they are going to heal, it's how they aren't going to lose. But it's self-acceptance, it's the love you have to have before you can truly love someone else, and I think given Loki's long arc as a character, we need to see him beak out of his narcissism, move beyond just loving himself, and truly love someone else.

They more than paved the way for Mobius and Loki, and if they through that away for Sylkie, it won't just be sinking a perfectly good ship, it would be horrifically ignorant, wasteful storytelling. And this is the God of Stories, so if you fuck this up... I mean. Just don't okay?

[forgottenthreads]

So this cropped up as a comment I got elsewhere and it felt like it needed its own discussion.

Straight people don't suffer from discrimination for being straight. Hope that helps

{deliberately not giving a username cause I don't want to start beef xD}

I don't know if that's true.

I have no life experience there... But I'd assume this is never true of any group, just because one group are in a majority or several groups have a plurality doesn't mean they don't face any sort of prejudice or impacts based on having any identity. There are reasons why for example being married and having children are protected characteristics a person might have.

It doesn't invalidate your own experiences to acknowledge that someone else might have their own and that those experiences might not be positive in all cases.

The above reply @ me came up in a discussion about Ace erasure within fandoms and I commented that fandoms do straight erasure too. I had limited space so nuance was neither possible in my post nor their reply.

Fandoms queerify straights too. Iirc slashfic is it's own whole genre of coupling against authorial intent.

I was trying to express that the problem is bigger than just Ace people, there's a bigger fundamental issue with people writing coupling that is against canon depiction and how the practice is far wider than just the impacts on acespec people.

I wanted to include more about how just because someone is "straight" or anything else doesn't mean that they're attracted to all the variations of humans that the term implies. A character might be straight but they can still have a type, they might be straight but might only love one or two romantic partners their entire life. They might be straight and Arospec because they can only ever love their one person. By coupling any character with someone outside of the cannon depictions it could be an act of ace erasure.

I err on Ace/Aro in all cases, unless a character says they're *identity* then they might only be attracted to the few people they fall for in the medium. They aren't necessary attracted to all xyz people either, it might only be that one specific person or a handful of people.

Just because a character is straight doesn't mean they would hook up with every person of the opposite gender if they could. There are as many varieties of straight attraction as there are queer identities.

Yet it's a huge unwritten assumption that if you're writing fanfic then shipping anyone with anyone is generally okay regardless of the cannon of the source media, the characters may be enemies or might never meet or even come from completely different franchises and it's still okay to make those ships in many cases without issue.

It's perfectly acceptable to inject any queer relationship upon any character that has expressed no identity or has only expressed attraction in a limited capacity. A character with hetnormative attraction never said they had no queer identities, and one person might make inferences others might not see so to them it's "okay" to ship even in queer directions.

There's a convention that if a character is already queer to not take that identity from them entirely. Making gay or saphic characters bi or pan isn't unheard of so long as they express that in ways that are predominantly gay or saphic. But there's often context and execution to consider for if this is deemed okay by anyone other than the fic's author.

But the pattern is at its core the same. We're all fighting the same fight to have our identity respected. And the pattern is that it's generally okay to add relationships to characters regardless of original cannon.

So now you have context back to my response to the quote that spawned this essay

I find it's often easier to get people on your side by building bridges and offering points of reference with which they share. By showing they have the same problems they might help you fight your corner, at least that's been my experience.

So the reply set off all my "making enemies for no good reason" alarms, it disregards the feelings of an entire group and treats them as a monolith of people who are neither deserving of respect nor consideration in the discussion. Completely disregarding intersectionality etc... putting them on defensive mode rather than keeping them agreeable. And I'm inclined to believe this happened due to space constraints rather than genuine malice but it did spark an essay so it clearly upset me anyways.

So now we come to the point of disclosure because I felt somewhat as though the comment was erasing my identity and assuming I was straight and so not worth listening to on this issue.

I'm Agen/Aro/Ace I want to not have my identity ignored either and I want to get people on side with the discourse. Having more people stand up and say "non canonical coupling hurts people" as a blanket statement is a good thing.

Having more people acknowledge the harms is at least a starting point.

I don't like the attitude saying "it's okay if they're straight, arospec, or if you're really clever with it." Because it erases people, but just cause I don't like the attitude doesn't mean people should stop expressing themselves so long as they're self aware about what they're doing.

And acknowledging that it hurts people doesn't negate that sometimes that hurt is resonable, having more rep for minorities is a generally good thing, most people doing the shipping can make people feel seen and happy.

On an individual level almost every act is one that has a net positive effect and is done out of love. Love for a character or a story or anything else. A fan fic here, a ship there, it all makes the people doing it happy and builds communities.

Even if it hurts to see it happen to your favourite characters no one is actually coming after you personally or your identity by wrapping a character you identify with in a cloke of their own because they identify with them too.

At the same time it's worth acknowledging the cumulative effect can be an overall negative on a group as people see the characters they frequently identify with as being stripped of their core aspects and the result is that many people feel aggressively dismissed and invalidated as though their identity would receive same treatment from the same people.

I'm also Auti/ADHD I see patterns, this is a pattern I've seen and acknowledged and it doesn't stop at fictional characters it applies to real people too, celebrities and the people you walk past on the street.

I have noticed when anyone has their identity usurped by another the people with the original identity in meatspace get defensive and hostile to the people erasing them.

Every act of unrequited love, where someone puts an attraction or implies a non existent desire to be with anyone on someone else it makes those in receipt of the treatment defensive and off put.

Repeated actions like this by a group or an individual can build resentment. If you have no respect for their identity they then become openly hostile to you as an individual and perhaps people who share your identity if the pattern repeats. Resentment builds initially about one individual but eventually to a whole community who share an identity. This doesn't just apply to us Queers defending GSRM identities.

I think some of the growing animosity and phobias that come out of those screaming about woke culture come from seeing people shout and scream that all identities are valid and beautiful while at the same time 'allowing' other people from our same group to abuse them and theirs or just ignoring when it happens because "straight people cannot be the victims of discrimination based on sexual or romantic orientation".

"they want to turn us all gay" might stem from the fact our communities don't respect the het identities of various characters. We do it to fictional characters why wouldn't we do it to real people? (Not that this explanation excuses their behaviour few treat fictional characters the same way they'd treat real people)

Human beings are at their cores pattern recognition and remix engines. We see patterns and in order to simplify our cognitive processes we put things into boxes in our own heads.

Everyone loves pizza, if I'm throwing a party that's a safe bet for a food that won't offend.

An assumption and a stereotype that's relatively harmless, and yet I and you know that people exist with Lactose or Gluten intolerance, people can be allergic to tomatoes or onions or garlic, that vegetarian and vegan people exist in the world. By simplifying the world to that stereotype it makes life easier and we aren't doing it to harm anyone intentionally. Making the conscious effort to overcome the initial stereotyping is in my opinion what separates true bigotry from a bad mistake or a poor decision.

We all recognise patterns and try to simplify our messy existances to avoid existential dread.

While remixing is the idea that most of us will never have a unique idea in our lives. We might combine things that exist in novel ways but every idea we have is built on the experiences we go through and the things we learn, read, see or hear. Remixing is how humanity progresses, how science is done, how great works of literature are produced how we practice our crafts and how we become better individuals as well as a better society on the whole.

Fandoms and the erasure of identities has costs, but it's an example of remixing and an aspect of humanity that is good to nurture even while we acknowledge the short comings within.

Acknowledging the flaws in a thing doesn't stop it from being beautiful. Acknowledging the shortcomings of an experience or an action doesn't make it invalid or of zero worth. And acknowledging that a thing someone else loves has flaws is not a personal attack on that person.

I like your story

Thanks it has pockets

Very few things in this world are entirely without impact or flaws.

Just because there are flaws doesn't imply a moral judgement.

Just because there is an impact doesn't mean that the morality is simple.

Humanity is messy, existance is messy. I wish there was a good simple solution to every problem but unfortunately that's the exception not the rule.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey, I don't want to be a bother, but I'm not sure who else to speak to about this.

I haven't got my patriarchal blessing, and I want one. But I'm queer and pro masturbation as, being aroace, I can't exactly get past god's marriage paywall for that sort of thing (not to mention the idea that only other people, specifically men, are allowed to touch my body is super ick to me)

There are a lot of things I struggle to keep up with in the church because it leaves me feeling bad about myself, such as prayer, scriptures, and listening to the lessons.

But does that mean I'll never be "worthy" to get my blessing?

I don't want to lie, because even if I feel I'm in the right, it would still leave me feeling vile.

I'm also worried that the blessing will tell me I'm to get married and have children or something, or go on a mission.

It's something that's bothered me for years, as well the fact that I may never be allowed in the temple again. Would appreciate some insight from a fellow queer Mormon.

Masturbation and being queer do not disqualify a person from getting a patriarchal blessing.

When you are ready, contact the ward clerk to setup an appointment with your bishop. Your bishop will ask a few questions, as I recall they're basically the same as the questions for a temple recommend.

From what you wrote, I suppose there's 2 questions that you're worried about. One would be if you're striving to keep the Law of Chastity. If you read the Church's website on chastity or the For the Strength of Youth, masturbation is entirely absent. You can answer that you live the law of chastity even if you masturbate (if masturbation disqualified people from the temple or callings, we wouldn't have many people who would qualify)

The other question you may be worried about asks if you support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave this response when asked if a person can support gay marriage and still be worthy of a temple recommend: "We have individual members in the church with a variety of different opinions, beliefs and positions on these issues and other issues…In our view, it doesn't really become a problem unless someone is out attacking the church and its leaders — if that's a deliberate and persistent effort and trying to get others to follow them, trying to draw others away, trying to pull people, if you will, out of the church or away from its teachings and doctrines."

In other words, as long as you aren't attacking the church, you're okay with supporting gay marriage and having other beliefs that differ from the LDS Church.

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In addition to declaring your tribe, most patriarchal blessings include these things: Serving a Mission, Education, Marriage, Children, the First Resurrection. It's easy to see that most people in the LDS Church live a life that follows a path similar to this.

I've spoken with a patriarch who says he gets an impression and then has to turn that into words. For example, he gets the impression you'll find someone and get married, he may say this as "one day a young man will take you to the temple where you'll be sealed for eternity." It doesn't necessarily mean the patriarch specifically saw that you will marry a man in the temple, but he's using words that would describe what commonly happens in the church for people who get married. I've heard that some patriarchs intentionally try not to use gendered words, will simply say something like "you'll have the opportunity to marry in the temple," or something similar.

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Another thing to keep in mind is a patriarchal blessing isn't a list of things that will happen, it's more like here's a list of possibilities, here's the potential ahead for you. There's many single people who have a blessing that says they'd get married, and just because it didn't happen for them doesn't mean they were unworthy or there's anything wrong with them.

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When someone has met with the bishop and then made an appointment to get a patriarchal blessing, when they show up there's usually a chance to chat with the patriarch. If you're feeling brave (I wasn't brave enough to do this), you could mention that you're a little concerned because you're queer and worried what might be said about marriage and children, that you don't think that fits with how you understand how God created you.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

Bi Lesbians ( Plaintext available here )

Hello! I received and ask about the topic of Bi Lesbians, and I am finally in a moment where I am able to put resources, the voices of some Bi Lesbians, and my personal thoughts. I am NOT an expert, but I think it's important that we listen out other queer identities to build community.

First and foremost: This identity is not here to make assumptions about anyone else's identity. It's not here to force assumptions about people's gender. It's not a word you have to use if you don't feel comfortable using it. If you can't let go of the pride cop in your brain, you will never really relax.

First I want to share resources: I only have a few now due to a lost computer some time ago, but the voices I share will have many things of their own to share if people are asking in good faith.

Link One: The Doc is really filled out, I cried rereading some of those statements because queer comfort is beautiful.

Link Two: Who doesn't love and etymology page?

Some Blogs that Explain things well:

Link Three: This one is about About Lesbian Separatism

New add on of 2024: Bi Lesbian is older than you think (though even if it was new its still valid!!)

Link One

Link Two: Very in depth and organized

Link Three Talking about a book snippet from Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex And the Book On Archive.Org

Some Personal Follow ups on the subject:

This is NOT a Bi-Lesbian, but they do sum up some points pretty well when it comes to identity.

As a Butch Nonbinary Lesbian I *Am* M-spec. I have people assume a lot of things about my identity because they assume about my attraction to them or others.

Some hear that I'm Butch4Femme and swear up and down "I'm only perpetuating Gender stereotypes." Some hear I'm Butch at all and claim that I "Am practically being a man, why bother being a lesbian?". They hear I'm non-binary and assume that takes away from my attraction to women. They assume that my love of women as a lesbian, takes away from my Boyfriend who isn't binary either!

I wouldn't be who I am without my Butch identity! Though someone is out there preaching that if I accepted my "girlish side" (Whatever that means) I would be happier and more honest to others and blah fucking blah. So why would I assume someone else could be who they are when I am policing their identity?

It's easy to make assumptions about something you aren't, But what's important is learning and trusting our fellow people in the community.

Bisexuals and Lesbians and Gays have long and complicated histories with their identities, and that's okay. I love us. I love who we are. I love all the ways we can be together, all the ways we find companionship: love or not! I love how we want to have words so we can share it!

I think that's all I can really put here for now, and I hope it answers some questions and helps spread more of the word about this identity.

I hope also it teaches you all a lesson about the cop in your head being an enemy. They are keeping you from seeing happy people getting along and finding their joys. They are showing you a place where you find isolation and fear of anything that is not exactly like you. Let them go.

[because-its-eurovision]

[kicks down your door] I HEARD YOUR ANXIETY WAS TALKIN SHIT AND IM HERE TO THROW HANDS WITH IT

okay first off, I know how you feel, and you know that I know cus you've seen me have anxiety episodes with these similar feelings of not being good enough or being unimportant or unwanted during out shared time in BC fandom. so I would like to start just by squeezing your hand and reminding you that you're not alone or the only one to occasionally feel this way, your feelings are valid and you're allowed to feel them, even tho they're not based on anything rational and you don't deserve to feel like that, because you are important and valued by the people around you.

you don't owe a participation fee to be part of a fandom. not in money, not by dedicating a certain number of hours, not by creating a specific amount of content, not by reaching some threshold of followers to be considered popular enough to participate. if you like the thing, you qualify. that's all there is. also, fandom is not a limited space with a numbered seats where one person's involvement is somehow taking room from anybody else. fandom is a universe that expands infinitely as more and more people join. it's impossible to take up space that you wouldn't deserve, because there is always more room for everybody to join.

furthermore, I may not be in the Käärijä fandom but I've been lucky to share fandom(s) with you in the past, and I've seen the way you contribute. you have always been one of the nicest, most welcoming, supportive people around, you're so willing to answer everyone's questions and welcome them into your space, and I don't think you even realize how important it is to have people like that in fandoms. the love and kindness and encouragement you show to others has not gone unnoticed, and that is also a way of contributing, and something I've seen you do so much for as long as I've known you. I mean, where in the hell else am I supposed to throw my dumb ESC questions at? people are scary, so I need someone nice and easy to approach. I need you. so your claim about how you don't do your part is, with all due love and respect, complete bullshit anyway <3 you do more than enough, you just don't see it yourself.

last but not least, Käärijä gigs may be queer safe spaces, but they're not queer exclusive. in fact, very few, if any, queer spaces in the world are ever exclusive - even pride parades, drag shows or gay bars aren't, straight cis people who have the basic decency and respect towards the culture are welcomed to those too. so for a music show by an artist that, afaik, isn't even openly queer himself? you're absolutely 100% allowed to go and enjoy your time. it is your space just as much as everyone else's.

you're a fucking gift and the Käärijä fandom is fucking blessed to have you. I'm aggressively kissing your forehead and I hope you can make it and have fun at the cruise. you deserve it. 🖤

Coming from you, this means so much 🥺 and you just reached out to be nice and give encouraging words?? 😭🖤 You're the person I looked up to the most when BCtumblr was in its most active phase, and still do, because you always have your way with words and take time to be wise and insightful and kind to everyone passing by despite battling your own anxiety demons, and I know you have it so much worse than I do which again makes me feel guilty for complaining and extremely grateful for you being so supportive.

I'm just so tired of feeling ashamed of myself and like I'm never good enough, and the constant voice in my head telling that I should be funnier and nicer and braver and prettier and more outgoing and spontaneous, and you telling me that I'm kind and friendly is so nice but strange because I do not see that side in myself at all, and I maybe feel like being welcoming or answering asks isn't tangible enough?? Like you know as opposed to producing content, because I can't draw or write fics or make tiktok edits or memes or be the first to post or comment something, and while I do know it's not demanded and nobody gives a rat's ass about what I do or don't do or post, I kind of feel responsible to pay back to the fandom(s) that have given me so much. I believe that the feeling of never doing or being enough or the pressure of being constantly present isn't a fandom-specific problem but a part of everyday life now, for me at least, but in fandom spaces, bubbles, it is somehow more concentrated.

I'm also feeling constantly guilty about being white and cis and straight and healthy because there are so many around me that are not and a having hard times because of that, and I try to do my best for making the world a better place and be a good ally and a decent person, but I'm just one guy and I'm exhausted, and even right now there are multiple anon asks in my box calling me out and saying I'm disgusting because I'm not saying what they want to hear and posting the kind of content they'd like to see from me, and. it's just too much. i'm so tired of being alive sometimes.

Thank you for being in my life, Abby. Ily 🖤

[disastersareajoy]

Alrighty

WHO AND WHAT I WRITE FOR!!

Do yourself and me the favor of reading this before sending in asks or requests.

Speaking of requests, mine are currently OPEN!

You can find the request status here at all times so you know if you can send one in or if you should wait.

You can find my main Masterlist here.

I'll add anything I write to it so that's the place to go for an overview of my works.

What I DON'T write.

Incest

Bestiality

Pregnancy (Pregnancy is 1. possibly triggering for me and 2. something I have absolutely no experience in. Breeding kink is more than okay though)

Non-Con (CNC is all good, but not outright Non-Con)

Scat and/or urine

Anything involving minors.

What I DO write!

Smut and fluff are my go-to but feel free to throw angst, humor and anything else you can think of at me! I'll gladly try and do it justice. I really want to get better at writing horror, gore and spooky shit so if you have ideas or requests in that area, definitely send them in!

I myself am genderfluid and am completely good with writing Male, GN and Female readers! I am most familiar with the AFAB experience.

Trans readers are also always welcome, and I do have a bit of personal experience in that area. Same with queerness in the sexuality sense - Gay, Bi, Lesbian, Poly and everything else is totally fine by me to write about, either for a reader or a character.

I'm a very kinky fucker and I encourage you all to let your kinks run rampant in my ask box, my comments or tags, as long as you pay attention to my "do not write" list because those things also shouldn't be mentioned in any of those areas.

Gladly send me any type of asks! I'd love to interact with you, geek out about a character or movie together, or give advice (where I can). I want to be a positive presence and will reply in kind.

We support sex work of any kind in this household and any hate for sex workers will not be tolerated. Same as any hate towards marginalized groups - Be that homophobia, transphobia, misogyny, racism or anything else. Please just shut up and stay away from my blog. Thanks.

Characters I write for!!

Slashers

Stu Macher 🪱 (Scream)

Billy Loomis 🪱 (Scream)

Danny Johnson/Jed Olson 🪱 (DBD)

Lester Sinclair 🪱 (House of Wax)

Bo Sinclair (House of Wax)

Vincent Sinclair (House of Wax)

Thomas Hewitt 🪱 (TCM The Beginning)

Bubba Sawyer 🪱 (TCM)

Buddy Swanson (Stage Fright)

Brahms (The Boy)

Bille Lenz 🪱 (Black Christmas, 1974 only)

The Driller Killer 🪱 (Slumber Party Massacre)

Non-Slasher Characters

Simon "Ghost" Riley (CoD) 🪱

John "Soap" MacTavish (CoD)

König (CoD) 🪱

Eddie Brock & Venom (Venom) 🪱

🪱 - Yes please for the love of god ask me about this character

These are all the characters that I am familiar with and feel confident enough to write for at the moment. This list will definitely get more names added over time as I play around with characters and get a better feel for them. Feel free to ask me about characters that aren't on this list (with some context where they're from) and I can still give you first impressions should I not know them at all. But who knows maybe you'll ask me about a character I'm still unsure about that I will end up rambling about!

Here's some characters you can gladly ramble to me about or ask me stuff about

The Lost Boys! 🪱 (All four of them obviously)

Any other Ghostfaces (including the recent movies)

Sidney Prescott

Tatum Riley

Randy Meeks

Freddy Krueger

Leslie Vernon

Jason Voorhees 🪱

Michael Myers

Ash Williams

The Grabber

General info

Father Paul Hill (Midnight Mass) 🪱

Billy Butcher (The Boys) 🪱

Black Noir (The Boys) 🪱

I don't only write, I also draw! I might post some drawings here and I might not, but I thought I'd mention it just in case.

English isn't my first language so I am aware that there will probably be some mistakes along the way. If you see one, please let me know and I will see to it that I get it fixed. I also have to ask that you aren't mean about it. Mistakes happen and I will not be made to feel bad or be talked down to over a typo, grammatical error or any other type of mistake.

If you send in an ask or a request; Be patient! Sometimes it takes me a bit of time to get into the right mindset to write, and to write confidently. I also have a life outside of this blog which will always take first priority. So if your request or ask hasn't been answered yet, know that I will get to it. And if you send in a request while mine are closed I'll simply let you know, no judgment or anger.

I hope you enjoy my writing, my rambles and anything else I might post.

See ya!

- S. / Disaster <3

[laurenfoxmakesthings]

Attention everyone in the replies and the tags that are grieving the 'death' of special features. They still exist. Don't get me wrong, they're not as mainstream as they were in the DVD boom (like Disney wants out of physical media entirely, trying that with my home of Australia, please sign petitions and complain through the Disney Australia site by the way).

They are a niche now (so you probably won't find the latest box office hit amongst these), and us collectors of boutique blu rays have been doing okay. Boutique blu rays have way more special features packed in than even DVDs from the 2000s. Yeah, some brands are expensive (Criterion is pretty much the top of the bunch for a reason), but some aren't and ebay is a godsend for trying to find cheap secondhead ones. I know facebook is the devil, but facebook groups of such collectors has been helpful in finding cheap copies.

Sites like Deep Discount, WOWHD, and Oldies also help, and whatever most local middle man boutique home media website bops about in your country. And check out local fairs. Probably won't have the boutique stuff, but they often have DVDs from the DVD boom.

And I will admit, first tip, get a blu ray player that can change what region code it can play. Region code is the bane of any collector. Or if you can't afford one, get an external blu ray player for your laptop, VLC can bypass the region lock.

Anyway, the point of my reblog was to list boutique blu ray and DVD labels that are worth checking out if you want to have physical media in your life instead of assuming streaming killed it outright.

If anything, I learnt that you'll find more of the movies you want on physical media than on streaming (like I got into collecting before everyone else noticed streaming's slow decline because Danger Diabolik kept disappearing on streaming platforms).

I also want to recommend them since quite a number of them are also restoration efforts and archives that could use more support. Some I bought from before, some I haven't but heard good things.

Arrow Video/Films: Mainly horror cult films, but also a mix of classics. Very prolific. Packed with special features. Often cheap on eBay, unless it's the rare out of print ones *eyes Killer Klowns from Outer Space*. And due to some brands like Arrow wanting to get into 4K UHD, some collectors are selling their regular blu-ray copies, which is great for those of us who find 4K too uncanny valley (like it's really great time to get an Arrow edition of Blood and Black Lace blu ray that used to be so expensive to get).

American Genre Film Archive: Essentially Something Weird's successor. A non-profit all about hunting, conserving, restoring, and distributing exploitation films that wouldn't normally get this treatment. Some of you may raise an eyebrow at that, but think about how many old school indie shorts and films would've been forgotten in low quality limbo if not for these loving efforts. Queer films, for instance. Like, the AGFA is where I got my blu ray of the Gay Girls Riding Club's series of 1960s drag shorts.

88 Films: I haven't gotten anything from them yet, but I heard this is a great goody bag of Hong Kong cult action films. Along with other varied niche films and a lot of special features. Ever wanted a commentary of Street Fighter? They have that.

BFI: Pretty much Britiain's Criterion. Sometimes even having films that are also in the Criterion Collection, so pretty good option when it comes to cost. They're a charity all about preserving film and TV in the UK. They have a massive archive of not only British films but also international films, and sell blu rays of them with lots of special features *eyes that rare out of print BFI copy of Funeral Parade of Roses*.

Criterion Collection: I mean...no introduction needed. They invented the movie commentary. They've been THE top tier DVD distributor. They defined what a boutique blu ray is. So I'll just give a tip. Because they've been at it for so long, like as far back as laserdiscs, some of their editions...are a bit out of date. What I mean is if you have a specific film in mind that Criterion has, it's best to check what other companies did with their edition of the film most recently. Like, I got Eureka's 2014 edition of Youth of the Beast instead of Criterion's 2005 edition of the film because it had more special features. That would also help cut down cost.

Discotek: Basically the best go-to for those into anime that isn't recent, including shows and movies deemed license rescued. Like, a lot of Lupin III specials on here for one. Often found on RightStufAnime. It's affordable depending on where you live. Like, out of reach concerning shipping for us Australians (*eyes the blu ray of Mystery of Mamo*), but you Americans will have a great time. And I heard they're great when it comes to subtitles.

Eureka: This is the most classics company to ever classic'ed. Although there some vibe outliers. Like, they're releasing a special feature packed edition of Valley Girl.

Imprint/Via Vision: My first. It's where I got my boutique blu ray copy of Danger Diabolik (not to say I never had blu rays or DVDs before then, just that this was the first I got with this awareness of boutique blu rays). And they're Australian, lots of copies are found in JB Hi Fi. So, yay, affordable boutique blu rays of old school movies and TV shows without shipping BS for us.

Indicator/Powerhouse: Stunning blu ray collection of underrated vintage gems, cult films, and kitsch films. They got film noir. They got Ray Harryhausen. They got William Castle. They got the best edition of Sweet Charity. All packed with as many special features as Arrow, sometimes maybe even more. And honestly, this is the one boutique blu ray company I would recommend getting directly rather than through a middle man. The blu rays that aren't boxsets are pretty affordable. And they provide region free copies.

Kino Lorber: Hit or miss when it comes to inclusion of special features, but they are expansive in what films and such they have, from all over the world. Films that were once forgotten because they weren't box office hits or artistic classics? Yep (What A Way To Go, Modesty Blaise, there was Dr Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine which was out of print...I managed to get that white whale). Lesser known silent films? Yep. Documentaries? Yep. 1950s PSAs? Apparently yes. There's just so much. And because of that, there's overlap of subjects I think will interest you. Like it's where you will find queer silent films, or queer documentaries like The Queen.

Network: They've recently shut down, being liquidated at the moment. But hopefully you'll find copies on eBay and such. Blu Rays of British movies and shows. Was the go-to for British sitcoms and Gerry Anderson shows.

Olive Films: I just learnt today they aren't selling anymore, but you might still find them through the middle men. They would just be rarer now. Overlooked vintage cult films around the world. Bit hit or miss when it comes to inclusion of special features. Eg: a lot in A Bucket of Blood, barely any on The Great Spy Chase or The Brain (1960s French one, not '80s horror one). I mean, the original French DVDs of the latter do have special features, but those special features don't have subtitles so I went with Olive Films' editions since I do like the films anyway.

Second Run: High quality and artistically fascinating world cinema, you can find them with decent prices on BFI's shop. I don't know how many people would've heard of the films they distribute, believe me, I'm in the same boat. But I think this is a good opportunity to check out films that intrigue you, but you never heard of. Like, seeing these has gotten me intrigued about checking out Karel Zeman's work.

Severin Films: Into video nasties or films similar to video nasties? That's what they do with high quality and special features that you rarely got to see back when these were on VHS. They also do relevant documentaries and a few outliers that are still cult films.

Shout Factory/Scream Factory: Shout Factory distributes a lot of cult TV shows (including cartoons, lot of Nickeloden shows) on blu ray and DVD, MST3K fans like me are very familiar with it. Scream Factory is pretty much to America what Arrow is to Britain, providing special feature packed blu rays of horror cult films.

Vinegar Syndrome: The most cultiest of cult films, to the point where they include vintage porn. They restore them as well as distribute them, so this will be the clearest you'll ever see Hobgoblins, Killer Condom, and Sex World.

A honourable mention is collectively the 'studio vaults' of the original big studios. They do still have blu rays, usually with special features, especially commentaries, of their vintage and classic films. Under labels like thd Warner Archive Collection.

And since a lot of labels have distributed the same film from time to time, I recommend checking DVDCompare to see which edition has more special features or more of what you specifically want.

I welcome any other collectors out their to recommend labels they know, it's more than likely I missed some due to inexperience.

You know the biggest loss of the decline of physical media and the rise of streaming? DVD special features.

[posi-pan]

I’ve considered submitting this non-anonymously but there’s gonna be people who will attack me, so I’ll say this anonymously anyway (sorry about that.)

Okay, SO… there are some people who claimed that “labels aren’t for comfort,” and one example they provided other than pan being “harmful” is that a gay man wouldn’t call himself lesbian.

Like, okay here’s the thing: lesbians can call themselves gay. Gay men may not call themselves lesbian (at least I haven’t heard of any), but when it comes to pansexuals, they can also identify as bi, but not all bisexuals identify as pan. There are still bisexuals attracted to only two genders, or multiple genders, and can also identify as polysexual at the same time.

Those labels are based on personal experiences, and while the written definitions can guide them, at the end of the day, mspec (and aspec) identities CAN be based on preference and comfort. There are bisexuals who are attracted to all genders or regardless of gender, and with no preferences, just as there are pansexuals who lean towards certain gender(s) more than others. These sexualities are on a spectrum, with other sexualities. There’s bound to be some people who identify with more than one of them, because while they all have their unique aspects, there are overlaps. But even WITH those differences, people may still identify with more than one of them.

Then there’s the part where exclusionists say that “just because labels CAN be about comfort, doesn’t mean they SHOULD.” That’s when I realized they aren’t worth talking to, because they’re just spouting negativity. They try SO HARD to find segments of a book that says anything remotely exclusionist, and then when I gave the full context they sent d**th threats. Like?????

It’s just so weird to me. The GRSM community is supposed to be about accepting genders and orientations that aren’t the “norm” (non-ace heterosexual-cis, all in one.) It’s supposed to be about the romantic or sexual relationships between consenting adults (or people their own age), or lack thereof due to not feeling attraction to anyone. TERFs are bad enough, acephobes are bad enough, we don’t need panphobes or mspec phobics.

Anyways, that was long. Hope you enjoyed reading xD

i really hate the "labels aren't personal or about feelings or for comfort" argument. hate it with every fiber of my being. especially because it's never being said about all labels, it's always only directed at certain labels. i've seen panphobes claim choosing labels based on feelings is a "modern idea" which is hilariously ahistorical nonsense.

(also, if we don't choose labels based on feelings, what do choose them based on? whatever definition we technically fit? because if so, then how do we choose between multiple labels that we technically fit the definition for? seems like a lot of words to say "we only need l, g, b, and t" tbh.)

and like...basically arguing that a gay man wouldn't call himself anything else..........some men who others would call gay, call themselves queer, for example. there is not a single label that is inherent to an experience, because there has always been multiple labels that people can use (and also choose to not use any) that you cannot predict or prescribe them.

putting a name to our queerness *is* personal and can be about the comfort a label that we feel truly encompasses how we feel brings us. people who argue shit like this are just showing that they know fuck all about queerness lmao

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔���� exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

[bitegore]

About Pride- you aren't wrong, but there's a difference between someone wearing leather gear and someone practicing other parts of a kink. Wearing a collar is fine, being on all fours on a leash is really not for public spaces. Because that's involving non-consenting strangers in your kink. Sure, it's good for people to know kink isn't wrong, but something not being wrong doesn't mean it's appropriate for public spaces. Just like sex isn't wrong, but having sex where minors and nonconsenting (1)

(2) strangers can come upon you without warning isn't a good idea. If there's an area that's specifically designated as an area where there will be sex and full kinkplay, great! Mark it clearly and go nuts. But if it's somewhere people could just come up without realizing, that's not a good idea. There are people who don't want to see strangers engaged in sexual activity, and there are parents who would immediately snatch their questioning kid away from any event like that.

(3) There's nothing wrong with indicators of kink in public. Leather gear, badges, flags, that kind of thing. But actual kink /play/ is too much for places where someone could accidentally walk into it. And I really don't think Pride should be designated a place where you should expect to find people performing sex acts randomly scattered about. Not because it's shameful, but because it's something that you need to get people's consent to involve them in.

(4) And I know kink isn't innately sexual, but a lot of it is going to be interpreted that way to someone unfamiliar with the exact scene. Besides, even the nonsexual kink requires consent from all involved. In short: anything that says or demonstrates "I'm into kink" is great, good for people to see, and often stylish. Actually /doing/ that kink, except in areas that are (literally or not) surrounded by "here be kink" signs, is not so great. Because, again, consent. Nothing to do with shame.

-----

This is long, so I’m sticking a cut on it. 

Okay, before I start I want to preface this with: I do actually see your point. I’m going to be arguing with you, but I really want that to be clear. For the most part, I agree with you. You’re just arguing a point that I didn’t try to make, and I kind of want to clear that up. 

Second: my head is hurting worse than usual today (an explanation, not meant as points or to give me a pass if i’m wrong, lol) so if anything seems unclear or hard to understand, please point it out, and i’ll try and correct it/make it clearer. 

Point 1: involving nonconsenting strangers in kink. I agree, that’s bad! But no one was actually talking about doing kinkplay in public at Pride. From what I understood*, it was more about having leather pride at kink, as in like- people wearing leather gear and/or kink gear that isn’t made of leather, and wearing leather pride pins and stuff. Not actually engaging in kinkplay. “There's nothing wrong with indicators of kink in public. Leather gear, badges, flags, that kind of thing.“ That’s exactly what I was referring to, in all honesty. Anything beyond that point is, as you said, involving strangers in your kink without their consent.

However, there’s one thing you said in there that I disagree with.  “Wearing a collar is fine, being on all fours on a leash is really not for public spaces.“

I’d argue that a leash is fine, honestly. Maybe not to be at, I don’t know, a coffeeshop, but at a big busy festival like Pride with a ton of people around, I think something like that has a much higher chance of getting lost in the shuffle. Hands and knees don’t work because, crowds and being at knee height is unsafe, and if I were to take my sub to a place like that I’d be worried she’d get kicked in the face.

Point 2:  “ And I know kink isn't innately sexual, but a lot of it is going to be interpreted that way to someone unfamiliar with the exact scene.“ Again, I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t agree with this either. There’s a lot of elements of kink that people connect with sex, but I think there are also a lot that the vast majority of people haven’t really thought about.** The vast majority of people are not very well educated on kink, and therefore there are a lot of elements of kink that absolutely fly under the radar to vanilla people.  

Also, a secondary aspect of this is that queer people in general tend to be reduced to their sex lives as well, not just kinky people. Straight cis people- especially older people, from my parents’ generation and older- have a tendency to reduce gay men to ‘ew, they have gay sex!’ and lesbians to ‘but how do they have sex? there’s no penis’ and trans people to ‘but how do you have sex with them?’ Reducing kinky people to ‘but they have sex like that?’ is pretty much what they’ve done to the entire rest of the queer community anyway. So I don’t love that argument for the same reason I don’t like things like ‘trans people shouldn’t be allowed at pride, because what if parents of gay or lesbian or bisexual kids see those weirdos and drag their kids off’. It seems like it’s missing a very large part of the history of the community as a whole*** in that particular respect. 

Last point: i just want to call attention to it, I’m not arguing. 

“I really don't think Pride should be designated a place where you should expect to find people performing sex acts randomly scattered about. Not because it's shameful, but because it's something that you need to get people's consent to involve them in.” It’s also illegal to have sex in public. It’s indecent exposure in New York, my home state, and it’s classified as a misdemeanor in many others****. So, you’re definitely not wrong there. 

However, there’s a difference between performing sex acts and making it clear you engage in them without actually having sex. There are a lot of posts around talking about people walking around wearing nothing but pasties over their nipples and thongs and nothing else, or people wearing shirts explicitly talking about sex, or whatever. If you google “pride NYC,” which is what I did because i didnt want to just google “pride parade” and get a ton of canned stock images, you see a lot of pictures of half-naked individuals wearing rainbows. I don’t think that if those people are perfectly alright to do that (and i do believe it should be allowed for people to do so! Pride is for having fun and being proud of your sexuality, so that kind of thing being policed would be a little weird to me) someone wearing a puppy mask or a leash and collar are also just following the trend in their own way. People making sexual assumptions about someone because they’re dressing in a sexual manner or wearing things that imply sexual actions are the ones making those assumptions. The people wearing those things could have chosen not to, but I don’t think they should be barred for choosing to wear them. 

Again, I’m not sure I covered everything, so feel free to point it out if I fucked something up, and I also am not sure any of this is going to make even a little bit of sense to anyone that’s not me, lol, so if this is a whole bunch of completely confusing ramblings, feel free to let me know and I’ll take another stab at it tomorrow when my head hopefully feels less foggy. 

----

*And I might have been wrong. I’m not discounting that. I can be wrong, I’m only human, and my understanding of things might not be 100% accurate. 

**By this I mean like the difference between calling someone Daddy (overtly kinky overtones because it’s become a wildly popular thing in media) vs things like asking for permission for small things or waiting for their Dom to give them a go ahead before taking an action, which is more inherently kinky than just using a title (in my opinion, again, this is all in my opinion) but tends to just strike as a little weird

***i wasn’t around for very much of it. I was born in 2001. But I’ve spent a long time following a bunch of angry older folks on here who every now and again go ‘wow you guys clearly dont remember what it was like in the 80s/90s/are being incredibly reductive, read these pieces from the 50s and 60s’, and I feel like i have a slightly better view on some of these things than a lot of the people I see on here. Naturally, though, I might be wrong about parts, and if I’m misrepresenting something, feel free to send me reading materials

****I did a google search, and the first thing i saw said, verbatim, “ Public Sex is a Misdemeanor. In most states, the laws that criminalize public sex make it a misdemeanor crime. Some state laws explicitly criminalize public sexual activity. Other laws are broader and cover a variety of indecent or lewd conduct.“ The full source can be found here: [x]

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

Bi Lesbian Plaintext Version

Hello! I received and ask about the topic of Bi Lesbians, and I am finally in a moment where I am able to put resources, the voices of some Bi Lesbians, and my personal thoughts. I am NOT an expert, but I think it's important that we listen out other queer identities to build community.

First and foremost: This identity is not here to make assumptions about anyone else's identity. It's not here to force assumptions about people's gender. It's not a word you have to use if you don't feel comfortable using it. If you can't let go of the pride cop in your brain, you will never really relax.

First I want to share resources: I only have a few now due to a lost computer some time ago, but the voices I share will have many things of their own to share if people are asking in good faith.

Link One: The Doc is really filled out, I cried rereading some of those statements because queer comfort is beautiful.

Link Two: Who doesn't love and etymology page?

Link Three: This one is about About Lesbian Separatism

New add on of 2024: BiLesbian is older than you think (Though even if it was new it's still valid)

Some Blogs that Explain things well:

Link One

Link Two: Very in depth and organized

Link Three Talking about a book snippet from Public Sex: The Culture of Radical Sex And the Book On Archive.Org

Some Personal Follow ups on the subject:

This is NOT a Bi-Lesbian, but they do sum up some points pretty well when it comes to identity.

As a Butch Nonbinary Lesbian I *Am* M-spec. I have people assume a lot of things about my identity because they assume about my attraction to them or others.

Some hear that I'm Butch4Femme and swear up and down "I'm only perpetuating Gender stereotypes." Some hear I'm Butch at all and claim that I "Am practically being a man, why bother being a lesbian?". They hear I'm non-binary and assume that takes away from my attraction to women. They assume that my love of women as a lesbian, takes away from my Boyfriend who isn't binary either!

I wouldn't be who I am without my Butch identity! Though someone is out there preaching that if I accepted my "girlish side" (Whatever that means) I would be happier and more honest to others and blah fucking blah. So why would I assume someone else could be who they are when I am policing their identity?

It's easy to make assumptions about something you aren't, But what's important is learning and trusting our fellow people in the community.

Bisexuals and Lesbians and Gays have long and complicated histories with their identities, and that's okay. I love us. I love who we are. I love all the ways we can be together, all the ways we find companionship: love or not! I love how we want to have words so we can share it!

I think that's all I can really put here for now, and I hope it answers some questions and helps spread more of the word about this identity.

I hope also it teaches you all a lesson about the cop in your head being an enemy. They are keeping you from seeing happy people getting along and finding their joys. They are showing you a place where you find isolation and fear of anything that is not exactly like you. Let them go.