#“not bringing you eggs and apples and shit”

[invisiblequeen]

And here's a picture of the Krampus Sim I created showing up at another sim's house with a grocery delivery.

Happy holidays!

[muwapsturniolo]

Static ☕︎ M. Sturniolo

“You know, I actually planned on apologizing to you tonight..."

Nothing really besides the tiniest bit of angst in the beginning! Small asshole!matt, otherwise it’s just neutral shit along with fluff!!

Matt mumbles to himself as he walks around the grocery store, part of him bitter and sad. When he moved back to Boston, he didn't expect so much to change. The Star Market where he grew up and worked was torn down and rebuilt, now being called Sweetwater.

Change was inevitable.

He knew he couldn't expect everything to be the same, but the nostalgic part of him wished it was.

He grunts as his abdomen rams into his cart, the wheels getting stuck for what felt like the millionth time since he grabbed the damn thing. With a huff of frustration, he kicks the bottom of the cart, the wheels snapping back into place and propelling forward. He maneuvers the cart through the endless aisles, throwing things he thinks he needs into the basket and continuing on.

"Eggs, milk, fruit, and bread," he chants to himself, his eyes darting around as he reads the multiple signs attached to the ceiling. He had been in Boston for a week now, attempting to get his new home together. Usually, Nick and Chris would be with him, making the grocery trip a bit more fun and quick, but they were back in LA. That was another thing that was different and odd.

For the first time in their lives, the brothers were separated. Well, Matt was separated from them; the other two were still together. They had decided they wanted to take a different route in their lives, knowing they couldn't do YouTube forever. They were still young, all of them 24. They couldn't goof around on the internet forever.

So they stopped, making a heartfelt video for their fans, doing one last tour, and giving it their all. Matt knew he didn’t want to stay in LA after everything was over; he craved being somewhere that would bring him peace and make him happy.

Boston was that place.

As he continues with his hunt for eggs, something in his line of sight catches his eye.

Apple cider.

The same apple cider from his childhood.

It was a holy drink, something that currently had his mouth watering. He could just taste it, the sweet and refreshing drink that reminded him of his favorite season—fall.

He could see it now, sitting on his new couch, gazing out the window and watching leaves fall from their home on the trees as he leisurely sips the fresh cider.

He needed it.

He leaves his cart at the edge of the aisle, speedwalking toward the only jug left. Just as his fingers skim the handle of sweetness, it’s snatched out of his sight. He whips his head and sees a girl talking on the phone, the jug in her hand and about to be placed in her cart.

He doesn't know why he’s so upset by this. Usually, he would have just walked away and continued on with his day, but this was different. This cider was nostalgic; it would make him feel at home, like nothing had changed in Boston.

He takes a deep breath and taps her on the shoulder. The girl immediately turns around with furrowed brows.

"Ye—can I have that back?" he cuts her off, not even caring that he sounds rude. If possible, her brows furrow even more, the confusion on her face evident as she looks him up and down before looking around their general area in an attempt to figure out what he’s talking about.

"Umm... what are you talking about?"

"The apple cider, you took it from me."

Her eyes drift towards the jug in the cart before landing back on him. He couldn’t be serious, right?

"I didn’t take it from—yes, you did!" he cuts her off once more, his voice raising just a bit as he becomes more worked up. It’s obvious he really wants this cider, and truth be told, she would have given it to him if he asked nicely, but now he’s just being a plain jackass.

"No, I didn’t, dingbat! Listen! I didn’t take the cider from you specifically! It was out for anyone and everyone to grab, so I took it!"

"But you did take it from me specifically! My hand was literally on it, and you snatched it from me!"

The two stand in the middle of the store, arguing about the cider neither of them wants to give up. It goes on for a few more minutes until the girl becomes fed up.

"Dude, I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to chill out. There’s cider placed all over this store, and it’s only September! There will be more cider!"

"There is no more cider around the store because I would have seen it!"

She looks him up and down one more time before walking away, sliding her headphones back on in the process and leaving Matt feeling defeated.

With that defeat, Matt finishes up his grocery shopping, gathering all his items and heading to checkout. As he reaches the self-checkout, he sees something that makes him feel like absolute shit.

Apple cider.

The same apple cider he gave the random girl a hard time over.

A sour taste forms in his mouth as he grabs the jug, scanning it, and throwing it in a bag. He had half a mind to go and find the girl to apologize, but he had a feeling she had left already after their little debacle.

He finishes bagging up his groceries and walks out of the store, his head hanging low as he replays the argument in his head. He knew he was out of line; there truly was no reason for him to act like that, especially in public.

He’s pulled out of his head when his hand suddenly feels wet. His eyes drift toward the limb curiously. He watches as a single drop of rain falls onto his skin, tinkling down before hitting the pavement.

He looks up at the sky, watching as the grey and white clouds form overhead and the rain begins to pour.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Matt swears as he darts through the downpour, a hand over his face as he clutches his bag to his chest. He was taking a walk through the mini downtown area when it randomly decided to rain.

He runs under a bus stop and wipes his face, looking down at his bag and making sure nothing was wet. Luckily for him, the contents in the bag remained dry, but he was drenched. His eyes dart across the street, trying to find a place to dry off and warm up.

His blue irises land on a small shop that’s dimly lit. If he squints hard enough, he can see the words “Mazzy’s” drawn onto the building. He decides to make a run for it, his legs carrying him toward the storefront that will hopefully provide him with warmth.

He stumbles into the calming atmosphere, smiling sheepishly as a few people turn and give him annoyed looks. Once they turn around and go back to doing what they were doing, he scans the small coffee shop for a place to sit.

He finds a small table with an overhead lamp next to a heater and decides it’s his. He sluggishly makes his way over, plopping down and sighing once he feels the heat make contact with his skin.

He sets his bag down on the table and grabs his journal, opening it up and getting ready to write. Just before his pen could hit the paper, a waiter walks over with a notepad, asking if they could get him anything.

"Uh, a coffee is fine, hot please."

With that, the waiter walks away, leaving Matt to his own devices for a short amount of time before his drink is set down on the table. Matt takes a sip of the drink, closing his eyes as the bitter yet smooth liquid travels down his throat.

He sets the drink down and dives into his journal, his pen flying across the page as he lets out his emotions. He was so caught up in his current activity, he didn’t see the familiar girl getting up onto the small stage.

She sits on the stool, tuning the burnt orange guitar and speaking into the mic.

"Hi everyone, I’m sure most of you know me, but for those who don’t, my name is Cider and I’m going to sing you all a few songs on this rainy night."

She plays a few chords, making sure her instrument is tuned correctly before clearing her throat.

"Baby, you got something in your nose..."

Matt looks up from his writing, his eyes drifting toward the stage as a voice that sounds like honey fills the small and packed coffee shop. His breath hitches when he sees the girl from the store strumming the guitar with closed eyes.

She looked beautiful, truly.

Her hair was in some type of messy high ponytail, the curly bangs hanging in her face. She had on a white top and black pants, a brown leather jacket sitting on her shoulders with brown boots on her feet. She had a few rings on as well, the material matching the ones in her ears—gold.

The warm and dim lighting of the shop made her look like a goddess, yet she had the voice of a siren, and Matt was in a trance.

He was so enthralled by her whole being, he didn’t even notice she had gone through four songs, the crowd clapping gently as she stood up and said her thank-yous.

He looks back at his journal with a fuzzy mind, his head still clouded with the girl's singing. He shakes his head and picks up his pen, going back to writing.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone approaching but thinks nothing of it, figuring they were moving to a nearby table. However, he’s surprised when a cup with steam is set in front of him, along with a body sitting on the other side of the table. He looks up from his journal and sees her in all her glory, a sheepish yet nervous expression on her face.

"Hey... I know this is odd and a bit awkward, but I saw you when I was on stage and I thought back to our little debacle at Sweetwater and I felt bad. I didn’t have to call you a dingbat; that wasn’t right. You could have been having a shitty day and really wanted some cider, and I went and ruined it for you, so... here."

Her ramble honestly confused him for a second, but the confusion is replaced with excitement when she pushes the steaming glass of apple cider closer to him.

"Thanks... you didn’t have to do that." He places his pen down and grabs the hot glass, raising it to his mouth and taking a small sip. She smiles softly, seeing the relaxed expression on his face, her guilt from earlier simmering into peace.

They sit in silence for a few moments, refusing to look at each other and instead let their eyes dart around their surroundings.

"So, uh, how’d you like the set?" The awkwardness in her tone, as well as her movement, is evident.

"It was great, you can, uh... you can really sing. And the song choices were good. Fits the whole comfy and cozy vibe in here." Oddly, he feels his heart skip a beat when she smiles, her smile lines and dimples evident in the warm glow of the café.

"Thank you! It really means a lot! Music is a big part of me, and I love singing. Even if it's on this small stage three times a week... What do you do?"

The conversation that started off awkward between the two strangers begins to flow with ease, both of them rambling and laughing their hearts out all night. Both of them had gotten comfortable, Matt closing his journal and tucking it away as Cider took off her jacket and put her arms on the table.

Their rambling is interrupted by one of the waiters coming over and telling them the shop’s closing. It caught them off guard, both of them wide-eyed as they realize the café has been cleared out and they are the only patrons left. They look at each other, their silent words speaking volumes as they grab their stuff and pack up.

Neither of them wanted this night to end.

So they leave the café, walking the quiet streets and continuing their conversation as they trek through the leaves.

"You know, I actually planned on apologizing to you tonight..." The two of them had stopped walking, standing under a lamppost in the park a few blocks away from Mazzy’s.

She tilts her head, questioning his words.

"I, uh... you were right, about the cider being in front of the store. There was no reason to be a dick towards you over a damn drink. It’s no excuse, but I just moved back to Boston after spending years in California, and so much has changed, and the... the cider just brought back good memories..."

She remains quiet as she digests his words, repeating them to herself and trying to find a way to respond.

"It’s all goo—no, it’s not." He cuts her off, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously.

"It’s not okay, I shouldn’t have treated you like that. And then you literally bought me some hot cider and apologized to me as if you were in the wrong... I feel like an absolute dickhead."

"Dingbat..." She shoots him a sheepish smile when he throws a glare her way.

"Sorry, sorry, saw the opportunity and had to take it..."

The two stand in silence, the crisp and cool air hitting their bodies but oddly keeping them warm.

"... What’s your name?" She questions softly, her heart starting to thump rapidly as she decides to take a leap of hope. It takes a second for Matt to respond, the man cursing himself out in his head when he realizes he never gave her his name.

"Matthew... but I go by Matt."

"Well, Matt... if you want to make it up to me, you know, for being a dingbat and scamming me for a free drink and all... you can, uh... you can buy me a drink soon."

Matt can feel the tips of his ears as well as his cheeks turning red at her offer, but he finds himself intrigued. He wasn’t the type to openly flirt with girls or chase after them. They usually had to flirt with him or ask him out, and that ended with him being oblivious and shocked or having to flat-out deny them.

But something was different with her—and he wanted to know what.

Instead of jumping to conclusions and thinking she’s asking him out on a date, he decided to remain neutral about it.

"Y-yeah, yeah, that sounds fair."

"It’s settled then... Well, I should probably get going, it’s late, and I’m sure Amber is waiting for me at home." She begins to walk backwards, sending him a small wave before starting to walk away.

"Hey, wait!" Matt finds himself shouting, the girl stopping in her tracks and turning around.

"I never got your name."

"It’s Cider, like the drink."

He finds himself smiling at the name, or nickname, he wasn’t sure what it was but he planned on finding out.

"Okay, Miss Cider, where can I find you for our da— I mean, uh..." He trails off after his slip-up, his stomach swarming with butterflies.

"My next set at Mazzy’s is Friday, I expect to see you at the corner table."

He watches with a cheesy smile on his face as she disappears into the autumn night, nothing but the smell of wet rain and brown sugar left in the air. He chuckles to himself and turns around, walking the opposite direction of Cider, and heading home.

[spidersoulss]

"Backseat of Baby"

Pairings: Sam Winchester x F!Reader

Inspired by the song “Obsessed” by Jutes

Summary: Sam takes you out for a night drive after Dean let him take the impala, making him swear to take care of baby and “don't do anything freaky in the back please”. Sam rolled his eyes and swore with his fingers crossed behind his back. 

Warnings: Smut 😔 in the back of the car, Sam is obsessed (lol) 

Word count: 1566

Author's note: guys I don't even know what i'm doing, I feel so cringe writing smut please give me some grace 😭🙏 every time i write a smut scene i'm just going “omg ew, omg wait cringe WHAT AM I DOING”..anyway, I hope y'all enjoy. 

_____________________________________________________

The wind nips at your skin as Sam speeds down the empty midnight road, blasting the mixtape you made him for his birthday. You laugh and shout as you lean halfway out the window, never feeling more alive. Sam returns your excitement, and looks at you with the biggest grin.

He is truly your biggest fan, he has been since day one. “Baby be careful, I do not want you falling out of this car” he says with amusement. You giggle as you pull yourself back into the car, he shakes his head and huffs a laugh. Your hair is wild but Sam thinks you look pretty like that. 

“This is so sick” your eyes gleam at Sam and he winks at you, placing his hand on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. You don't miss the shiver that runs down your spine, or the way the adam's apple in Sam's throat bobs as he tries so hard to focus on the road. 

Thank god no one else is driving right now, he would have for sure crashed; How could he not when he has his pretty girl sitting passenger seat in the impala. “Sam you better keep your eyes on the damn road” you jest and he snickers, “how about you drive so i can look at you properly” he suggests, an underlying hint of seriousness. You blush and nudge his arm, his hand drags farther up your leg; Jesus christ help you and take the motherfucking wheel. “I'm sure you'd like that, crazy” you smirk, he glances at you and squeezes your thigh; something in his eyes shift. Your stomach flips.

“What can I say, I am utterly and overly obsessed with you, my pretty girl” he slows the car and pulls over. Your heart rate quickens as Sam turns to face you, “hey hey hey, you swore to dean to not do any freaky shit in baby” you point an accusatory finger at him and he chuckles, leaning closer. “Deans not here right now though, is he?” Sam asks rhetorically, you shake your head. 

His voice drops “That's what I thought” he cups your jaw as he pulls you into a heated kiss, you sigh into his lips. The hand that was on your thigh moves to grope your ass, pulling you further against him. “Sammy” you breathe as you pull away for air, he hums in response and starts kissing down your jaw and to your neck. His lips leave small marks in their wake. Soft moans escape your mouth which only eggs him on further. 

“You make such pretty sounds baby” he groans as he continues his ministrations on your soft skin. The way he makes you feel should be a crime. Before you can say anything, he grabs your body and pulls you over the center console and onto his lap. Sam's hand moves to the back of your head, bringing you in to kiss you sloppily.  “Dean is gonna fuckin kill you” you mutter and he pulls your bottom lip between his teeth, “I dont care about dean right now” he says lowly.

Sam's hands roam over your body, under your shirt to feel your skin shiver under his touch. You pull your shirt off over your head, throwing it to the passenger side. “Beautiful” he breathes, his hands ghosting over your breasts. You moan again and lean into his touch, he smirks at this before kissing you heatedly. 

You fumble with his shirt, getting frustrated when it doesn't come off in one go. Sam chuckles and throws his shirt off in a swift singular motion. You love the way he looks shirtless, under the low light of the moon and the car lights. “Wait, hold on” he breathes, you furrow your brows, thinking something is wrong. “What? Are you okay?” you ask and he nods quickly, “I am so okay, I just want more room to do things to you” he smirks and glances to the backseat. You drop your head to his chest and laugh.

You peck Sam's cheek before climbing into the back seat, you shimmy out of your shorts as you wait for Sam to follow suit. He lays you across the leather and gives sloppy kisses all the way down to your naval. 

Sam looks up at you through hooded lids, his eyes glazed over with lust. You blush and run your fingers through his hair; his shampoo routine really pays off, because it's so soft all the time. Screw Sam Winchester and his perfectness…literally. 

He hooks a finger under the crotch of your panties and pulls them to the side, admiring at how you're already glistening for him. He groans at the sight of you, running a finger through your folds. You whimper and let your head fall against the car door. Sam grins and pushes his middle finger inside slowly, your hand grips his hair, earning you a moan from him. 

“Fuck, sam” you breath, your hips move against his hand. he touches you in a way that makes you think hes mapping your body out to memorize. He likes dragging this out, wanting to see every little reaction you give him. “So perfect,” he mumbles.

His mouth is on you and he's added a second finger, curling them inside and hitting that sweet spot. He has stupid accuracy when it comes to finding your most pleasurable spots. Your mouth falls into a soft ‘O’ shape and a string of moans and curses fall from it.

 “You taste so sweet, so good my perfect girl, I love making you feel good”. Sam groans against you, sending vibrations through your core. It only pushes you further to the edge. He notices this and sucks harder, “come on pretty, I wanna feel you on my fingers” you cry out his name as your release hits you. “That's it, just like that, good girl” he praises. Pressing gentle kisses to your sensitive bud as you come down from your high. 

Sam stalks his way up your body, his face glistening with your release. “You're perfect” you tell him and he kisses you slowly, letting you get a taste of yourself. He moans into the kiss and his hands stroke your hair softly. “I should be saying that to you, my gorgeous perfect girl” he kisses the tip of your nose

You shove his pants down and he takes care of the rest with a huffed laugh. He pulls his boxers off, his cock springing free, the tip already leaking. Your breath hitches in your throat, you never get over how big he is. I mean yeah he's an objectively large guy, but it's still jarring. 

“You ready, pretty girl?” he whispers, pumping himself a few times before he slides himself along your folds. You sigh and wrap your legs around his hips, draping your arms around his neck. “I'm always ready for you, Sammy,” you smile softly. He kisses you deeply and sheathes himself inside you. 

You groan and arch your back against him, “oh fuck” you curse. He bottoms out immediately, resting his head in the crook of your neck, sucking gently. You inhale sharply, reveling in the way he feels. “Please move” you whimper, Sam kisses the place he nipped at and begins to move his hips.

His pace is slow and steady at first, but he picks up quickly. The car rocking on beat with his thrusts. It's like Sam was made for you, you take him so well and so perfectly. He mutters praises to you, his hands committing your body to memory. The windows fog up as your breathing becomes more heavy and ragged. 

“So perfect, so so perfect, you take me so well, i love you so much” he moans, his hair falling in front of his face. “I love you t-too, oh god im close!” you shout. Sam brings a hand down to rub small circles over your bundle of nerves. 

“Come on, cum for me, you're squeezing me so good, feels so good” he groans, his head falls against your chest and he leaves little love bites. You’re sent over the edge and hit your second high. (a second orgasm has hit the tower (i'm so sorry)). 

“That's right, let go for me, my pretty baby you look so pretty when you cum around my cock”. Sam's orgasm does not take long to arrive after yours, he buries himself to the hilt and spills inside you. Thank fuck youre on the pill, and sam, like the loving obsessed perfect man he is, got a vasectomy just for you. 

You sigh heavily and he collapses onto you. Kissing your sweaty skin. “I love you so fucking much” he breathes, tracing circles on your skin. “I love you too” you kiss the top of his head. 

The two of you stay like that for a while, enjoying each others company. Sam spends this time just looking at you with his puppy eyes. 

______________________________________________________________

“Sam what the fuck did i tell you!” Dean shouts angrily as he gets into the car. “What are you talking about?” Sam feigns innocence. Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes, giving his brother a disgusted look, “it smells like sex in here, I told you to keep baby clean!” he yells. 

Sam just laughs and Dean continues to drive, complaining the whole way. 

[holylulusworld]

GRA (2) - The joke’s on you

Summary: You’re roommates.

Pairing: TfatWs!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: grumpy Bucky, banter, drunk reader

Catch up here: Grumpy old man

Grumpy Roommate Adventures

You’re angry and pissed at one of your roommates once again. After carrying you inside the house, Bucky left you in the bathroom. No help, no compassion, no sexy time with Gramps Barnes.

“Who ate my cupcakes?” You mutter under your breath. Not only did Bucky ignore your very existence for over a week, but your favorite snacks started disappearing lately. “This isn’t funny anymore, Barnes. I know it was you!”

Bucky leans in the door frame, smirking as you search the fridge for a snack. “False accusations won’t bring you your food back.”

“Shut up, old grump,” you bite back while rummaging in the fridge. “Who asked you? I know it was you, Barnes. Just admit you stole all of my snacks.”

“I stole shit, doll,” he replies, still with that stupid smirk on his lips. “Why don’t you eat an apple?”

“An apple,” you snap at him. “There’s no apple left. No plum. No banana. Nothing.” You glare in his direction. “I wonder what happened to all the fruits I bought!”

“Maybe you should stop misusing the bananas,” he casually says. Bucky watches your eyes widen. You clear your throat and try to ignore that he made a crude joke.

“Maybe you should stop eating all of my food!” You storm out of the kitchen, cursing Bucky’s birth on your way to your room. “He won’t get away with it this time. Next time, you’ll put laxatives in all of your food.”

You need to get out of the house. Spending time away from your roommates, especially Bucky. A friend of yours invited you to a party, and you won’t miss the opportunity to get your hands on snacks and booze for free.

The door slams shut loudly behind you. “Oops,” you giggle while stumbling inside the kitchen. Your friend forgot the snacks, but not the booze. You were living off booze the whole night, and now you’re starving.

“Hunger!” You imitate a zombie’s voice and even walk like one. Snorting, you look around the kitchen. “EGGS! WE HAVE EGGS!” You exclaim loudly, ignoring someone's yelling from upstairs. You take off your jacket, flinging it across the room. “EGGS FOR EVERYONE!”

You dance around the kitchen island, rolling your hips as you try to find the fridge.

For a few moments, you look around the kitchen, trying to remember where the fridge is located. You squeal when your eyes finally land on the beloved giant kitchen appliance.

“Fridgie,” you slur and hug the fridge. “I’ve missed you. How have you been?” You press your ear to the door, listening closely. “You’re too empty. Aw, poor baby. I’ll get you nice and full tomorrow.”

Opening the fridge, you look inside to grab the eggs. “EGGS. There will be eggs.” You grab a pan and put it on the stove. Cracking the eggs, you grin like an idiot. There will finally be food tonight.

“Come on, I’m hungry,” you angrily scold the stove. “Fry my fucking eggs. I’m hungry.” You huff because the stove seems to be broken. After five minutes, your eggs are still raw. “No, don’t do this to me. I can’t live off sour worms again.”

Staring at the stove, you pout. The pan remains cold, and you sigh deeply. You will give up for tonight. No eggs for you, then.

“What happened here?” Bucky huffs while Sam is looking around the kitchen. Your clothes lie scattered all over the kitchen floor. A pan with raw eggs stands on the stove, and the door of the fridge is wide open.

“I’d say someone was having a little too much fun last night,” Sam snorts, looking at the eggs, “and forgot to put the stove on.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Bucky bites back. “We should check if she’s still alive. She left the raw eggs and her clothes.”

“Fine, let’s check on her. If Y/N gets mad, you’ll take the blame.” Sam points at Bucky, who pokes the raw eggs with a fork. “Just throw it away. No one wants to eat eggs lying in a pan for half a night.”

“It’s a waste of food,” Bucky replies, ever the forties man not wanting to waste food. “She should know that.”

They look at each other for a moment before walking out of the kitchen to check on you.

“Rise and shine, doll!” Bucky cheerfully says as he rips the curtains open. You groan and turn your head. “Get up! Time to clean the kitchen and pick your clothes up.”

“Fuck off, Barnes,” you grumble and bury your face in the pillow. Bucky is a little impressed you managed to find your way into your bedroom. Most people in your state would have just passed out on the kitchen floor, drooling all over themselves.

“You were starving last night, huh? Why didn’t you put the stove on?” He questions while you try not to wake up so soon.

“The stove is broken.” You whine when he tugs at your blanket. “Get out, Barnes, and buy a new stove. I’m hungry as fuck.”

“Well then, get out of bed, and Bucky makes you pancakes,” Sam chirps, earning a growl and an angry look from Bucky. “He’s a thoughtful roommate. Right, Buck?”

“Right,” Bucky grits out. “If she manages to get out of bed after her drunken escapade.”

“Dude, leave me alone,” you bite back. “It was one night, one party. After everything happening lately and the stolen food, I needed to get out of here.”

“Is this still about the neighbor?” Bucky can’t believe you’re still mad at him for joking about inviting the nosy neighbor he doesn’t even like over. “I was joking, okay. I never wanted to invite her.”

“How about your favorite roommate makes you some eggs now?” Sam offers. You finally lift your head to look at Sam. “Come on, the old grumpy man didn’t mean what he said. Let’s have some eggs.”

[toxictigertonic]

Alright, I've been cursed with new blorbos (don't worry DJ will always be my number one). Outlast trials has me in a chokehold, specifically Franco, but all the prime assets are running around in my brain causing problems. I'm subjecting you to my stupid food headcanons as a result:

COYLE

- This mother fucker drinks hot sauce. Like. Chugs the shit. You can't take him anywhere without him bringing a bottle of Tabasco.

- Takes his coffee black, but will add a little sugar if no one is looking. Can't let people know that he doesn't like plain black coffee.

- He feels like a big breakfast kinda guy, with all the fixings. If you took him to a diner that'd be what he'd get, no matter the time of day.

- Would he disgusted by energy drinks EXCEPT classic redbull. Now imagine this man hyped up on caffeine.

- Would still eat his scrambled eggs if he got shells in them. Would say some shit like "the shells put hair on your chest"

- Trusting this man to bake anything is a fire hazard, it doesn't matter if it's those pre cut cookie rolls, they're catching fire.

- Says he hates desserts then stares down a slice of pecan pie from across the room like it owes him money.

MOTHER GOOSEBERRY

- The only one I trust to cook tbh, and that's not saying much.

- If you took her to get coffee she'd get the sweetest thing on the menu (and Futterman would bitch and moan about it the whole time) or she'd get a chai latte. Futterman would demand a black coffee.

- I would trust her to make me an apple pie and then she'd put the drill in it bc the crust came out wrong.

- She feels like a woman who really likes jam. Maybe I am projecting but jam is cool.

- She will not touch an energy drink bc they taste bad to her, and bc Futterman would throw a fit about how bad they are for your teeth. No caffeine fueled death sprint for her, but based on her singing and the whole angel dust thing I don't think she needs it.

- I would make her pancakes she seems pretty cool.

- Likes the batter for desserts more than the finished products.

FRANCO

- God help us where do I begin

- On one hand I wanna say he makes some bomb ass Italian food. On the other hand I wanna say he burns cereal.

- Speaking of cereal, he's the kinda guy who let's his cereal turn to paste in the bowl before he eats it.

- Considering what we know about the wolf's milk drink, I'm frightened by this man's palette. Genuinely terrified.

- I think he would die if he tasted hot sauce. I think Coyle is aware of this fact and has plans.

- Give him an energy drink if you wanna see him start doing flips. He thinks they're gross but he's also like "fuck yeah pure sugar I love these"

- Likes his cookies so underdone that they're basically raw (me too chief)

- If you cooked him a homemade meal he'd cry while eating it. Then he'd get pissed because you made him cry.

- He's my little skrunkly doo so I'm feeding him wet plaster ❤️

If I'm wrong about anything bc it's actually stated in the lore I do not care tell Red Barrels to get their facts straight (/J I SWEAR)

I haven't had time to look at Gooseberry's or Coyle's lore so I don't know if they have some super important amazing cooking skills that I'm missing out on. Feel free to tell me if you think I'm wrong or have your own ideas about these idiots.

[wileys-russo]

Could you write for maya le tissier please halloween addition where trick or treaters come but maya has nothing for them but reader comes to the rescue

trick or treat II m.le-tissier

"is that yours going?" you glanced up from your textbook at your sister who was frowning at you from her place on the sofa. "no?" you shook your head at the ringing which filled the living room. "well it's not mine! didn't you just change the tone?" mary questioned.

"no? why would i do that?" you scoffed, dropping your gaze back to your textbook to study. "because your little girlfriend said it was the same tone as her alarm!" mary huffed, throwing a cushion in your direction, eyes narrowing as yours widened and you hurried to your feet.

"see! idiot." mary mumbled, attention falling back to her show as you sprinted into the kitchen where your phone was on charge. "i heard that! feel free to go back to your own home mary." you warned, your sister only using you for your prime account which you refused to give her the password to.

"alright alright! no need to be hasty with it." mary held up her hands in surrender. "hello?" you grabbed your phone on the last ring, clutching at your chest, not even having checked who was calling you.

"i need help!" you frowned hearing the panicked voice of your girlfriend. "why what happened? are you hurt? do i need to call an ambulance?" you asked, mary glancing over to you with a concerned frown.

"no! i'm being held hostage in my own home!" maya hissed quietly and you heard a thump. "what! hang on i'm calling the police." you put her on speaker and gestured for mary to hand you her phone.

"what? no i don't need the police! i'm being held hostage by angry children." maya huffed as you scrunched your face up in confusion, waving away an equally confused looking mary who offered you her phone.

"wait did you just go for a run or something? why are you panting? you sound like murphy." maya changed topic swiftly. "may focus! i need a bit of context to this hostage and children situation please." you sighed tiredly at her lack of explanation.

"oh! well obviously i forgot that it's halloween and all these kids keep turning up and i haven't gone shopping so i told them they could have an apple? and now they won't leave till i give em a chocolate or something!" maya rambled and your frown immediately switched to a grin as you bit your lip to stop laughing, covering up your half giggle with a cough.

"babe it's not funny! they won't leave and i heard one of them mention getting eggs." she whined in annoyance. "so you're telling me that you're allowing yourself to be bullied by children? because you offered them apples....on halloween." you repeated slowly, shit eating grin only growing as mary started to laugh loudly from the living room at your word.

"nah stop taking the piss this is serious! i don't want my house or my car egged!" she groaned in annoyance, and you heard a gasp and a few more thumps. "oh my god they're banging on the door again i think its a new group, they're creating alliances and forming a small army help me!" she again hissed as you shook your head.

"and how would you like me to do that my love? come and scare the big bad kiddies away for you?" you mocked sarcastically, pulling yourself up to sit on the counter. "woman i swear to god-" maya began to warn as you heard some movement and rustling.

"go to the shops and bring me some chocolate or something to give them as a peace offering!" she ordered with a huff. "may, baby its halloween there isn't a chance in hell i can get chocolate at....nine fourteen at night. they'll leave eventually i'm sure it's almost past their bedtime!" you teased, moving to rummage through your own cupboards.

"oh my god they threw an egg, babe they threw an egg at my window the little shits!" she scoffed with a gasp. "and you want to reward that with chocolate? call the police to disperse them if you're that worried." you laughed, finding what you were looking for and dropping it in your lap.

"no! i don't want to get the reputation as the cranky old woman who hates children and hates halloween or as the health nut who offers apples. god i would have egged my house too at their age!" she moaned in realization as you unwrapped a twirl, popping it into your mouth.

"are you seriously...did you just open a chocolate?" your girlfriend accused as you hummed happily. "mm, twirl." you answered with a mouthful as again she gasped.

"oh you dickhead! come bring me some fucking chocolate i know you've always got some i've seen the period drawer, hell i fill it up every month for you!" your girlfriend demanded and you couldn't argue that point, the brunette nothing but the biggest sweetheart when it was that time of the month.

"say please and maybe i'll consider it." you wound her up, hearing another thump which you assumed to be yet another egg hauled at the poor girls house, already moving off the counter to gather your supplies as you squished the phone between your shoulder and ear.

"please. but hurry!" she groaned and before you could say another word she'd abruptly hung up. "do i even want to know the details?" your sister grinned as you hung your bag over your shoulder and rolled your eyes with a shake of your head.

"i expect you out of my house by the time i get back." you warned, shoving her head and darting back as the older girl lunged for you. "please! like you'll be coming back." mary chuckled and stretched out more on your sofa, making herself comfortable.

"go home!" you warned again, smacking her in the face with the cushion she'd thrown at you earlier and heading for the door.

"i am half way through this season of real housewives i can't stop now! kicking your own flesh and blood out onto the cold dark sidewalk, you're a disgrace to the earps family name." mary yelled after you with a shake of her head.

"and you're a thirty year old mooching freeloader who won't cough up an extra twelve dollars a month for her own subscription, get out!" you laughed, closing the front door before you could hear her reply, already certain you'd return and she would just be passed out on the lounge as always.

~

under strict instruction from the brunette you'd parked in the street behind her house, letting yourself into her backyard through the back fence, armed with a bag full of lollies and a very amused smile.

you spotted your girlfriend sat on the floor behind her sofa, glancing over the top toward her front door and windows which she'd drawn the curtains over making you roll your eyes.

you knocked suddenly at the back door as you heard claws skidding over toward you and maya jumped about a foot in the air at the noise. though seeing it was only you she hurried to her feet, pushing murphy out of the way with her foot as she slid the door open and hastily pulled you inside.

"trick or treat!" you teased, handing her the bag and leaning in to kiss her only for her to duck around you. "were you seen? followed?" she questioned in a whisper as you rolled your eyes. "no! for god sakes may they're kids, they have to be about ten years old i drove past them." you laughed as she nodded and moved to the kitchen.

"okay, off you go!" she dumped the confectionery into a bowl and held it out to you expectantly. "no! this is your problem to fix baby, i only agreed to bring you supplies." you held your hands up and stepped back as she groaned and smacked the bowl back down on the counter.

"they'll eat me alive after i offered them apples, or they'll egg me. please!" she begged as you firmly shook your head. "and you'd rather they egg me? thanks a bunch." you scoffed.

"no! you're too gorgeous baby, they'll be so dazzled by englands star striker handing them some chocolate they'll take it and be on their merry way!" she smiled charmingly, which normally would work however tonight you held firm.

"rehearsed that little speech before i got here did you?" you sighed, sitting down on the arm of her lounge. "baby! please." she knocked your legs apart and stood between them, the taller girl pouting adorably.

"no! may the more time you spend whining to me the more eggs they're gathering to throw." you smiled making her throw her head back with a groan. "but they haven't met you, and like i said you're just so gorgeous, and kind, and sweet, and funny." tucking her head into your neck you felt her lips start to kiss a trail down the column of your throat with each compliment she threw your way.

"and i'll make it worth your while love, scouts honour." she switched tactics, pushing you back onto the lounge and smiling down at you suggestively.

"you weren't a scout." you teased with a wink as she smacked your leg playfully. "i still know my way around a rope and some knots baby, happy to show you later if you do this teeny little favor for me." she smirked which did have some affect on you as your cheeks flushed bright red.

"no! just go and get it over it." you declined again, pushing her away with your foot as she moaned dramatically, stomping over and grabbing the bowl with a huff. "will you at least come with me?" she requested to which you nodded and hauled yourself up.

"go on." you nudged her in the back as she hesitated by the door, sighing and yanking it open. "peace offering. you all stop the eggs, i'll make sure i have chocolate next year!" she called out to the small group of children huddled on her lawn.

"correction you all clean up the eggs and then you get the chocolate, and we don't find out who you all are and call your parents about this vandalism." you stepped out and warned more sternly, a few of the older ones sharing a look.

ducking back inside you grabbed some paper towel and multipurpose spray, tossing them onto the grass and fixing those who hadn't run off with a hard look as they hurried to start wiping down your girlfriend's windows.

with that maya left the bowl on her door step, gently pushing you inside and closing the door, making a point to dead lock it after her. "you're gonna be a top mum one day babe." the taller girl grinned, hands moving to grab your hips as you hummed, returning her smile.

"you're welcome baby. now what was that you said about making it worth my while?"

[mllenugget]

Hello I mcyt fandom-ified la Team du Lundi members and wrote a shit ton of text about it

After exhausting myself on trying to catch up on the current QSMP lore I got a sudden craving for a more familiar and fast paced kind of minecraft content and ended up rewatching all the Team du Lundi's SMP best of's I could find

And while doing so with my brain still hazed in fandom brainrot, I started picking up on minor details or info the players casually dropped, and drew parallels to the French speakers' QSMP counterparts This is going to be a long wordy post I don't even know what I am rambling about and for. Three things you need to be aware of about la Team du Lundi before reading :

Baghera, Antoine and Etoiles are the only QSMP players that are part of la Team du Lundi

As far as I remember the only two elements that suggest that la Team du Lundi's SMP could be canon to QSMP are Antoine being pressured into building another Tower of Shit, and Baghera's infamous fountain being mentioned when she was asked if her character remembers anything from her past before the island

La Team du Lundi's SMP was NOT a roleplaying server, it was just a private survival server for a small circle of friends casually playing together. So whenever I quote someone in this specific post, it is the streamer : there is no character other than the persona the streamer is usually showing on stream, but I just thought it would be fun to interpret certain situations while keeping in mind the QSMP lore. And here goes :

Baghera claims that when she was a kid she strongly believed that she could breathe underwater. The others joke about her having fins

Antoine jokingly tells Baghera he doesn’t need oxygen at all

Antoine claims he will still be alive thousands of years forwards

Antoine’s voice shifts when he wants to appear creepy

Baghera built an aquarium at her place, then helped Antoine build one at his tower, then built a giant swimming pool, then a fountain, then a waterslide- do you see a theme ?

Baghera knows that her skin is actually that of a chick and not a duckling, and calls it so here

Chat said that Baghera has a middle child syndrome, justifying that she bullies Angle Droit because Etoiles bullies her in the first place (Etoiles has also called her « little sister » in a derogatory way)

Etoiles has repeatedly asked people to play Valorant with him at least once

Here's a clip of Etoiles getting languaged in french and owing "a gifted sub in the swear jar"

Unrelated random clip of Etoiles because it creates happy hormones in me brain

Etoiles is regularly refered to as "the warrior"

Etoiles guided the whole group during an expedition to the End and he was literally glowing doing so (enchanted arrows effect) Everyone called him "the guide"

Baghera was the one who gave the final blow to the Enderdragon (and died from magic right after)

Etoiles spent most of his time adventuring in order to bring stuff and gear back to everyone for their builds

Etoiles asked Aypierre for help in order to design a redstone door for his cave which could only open upon solving a puzzle (which was egg & arrow related) (Aypierre was not a member of the server)

Etoiles built a nightclub with the walls and ceiling covered in wardenblocks making it look like a starry sky. He also rehomed Allays holding golden apples inside claiming them to be the souls working for him and that they lived there peacefuly

Etoiles jokingly talks about Antoine acting jealous and violent towards him because Etoiles told him he wanted to go and visit Kameto (who also was not a member of the server)

Baghera (along with Horty) had a rivalry with Joueur du Grenier (host of the server with admin powers) after he decided to build a massive parking lot right next to their house. They countered by covering the whole thing with dirt, followed by JDG building a factory and the two parties went back and forth. Baghera argued that it was stupid because they didnt even have cars to begin with (which is a sentence she reused when talking about Forever's roads) Also she tells JDG that he could've built a seaport instead, which makes JDG contemplate the thought of building an airport (and though he ended up never building it, I am side eyeing the French's plane crash)

At some point JDG wonders about what a roleplaying minecraft server would look like (RPZ 2), to which Baghera replies that she has a hard time picturing the thing "We'd all just build things you see ? I don't think we'd create stories, we would all just be like "I'm a builder, ah you too ? Well awesome, builders, cool"" and I find this to be hilariously ironic (fun fact : Baghera had no idea that QSMP was a roleplaying server when she first joined and often claims she would've taken a different approach with her character had she known right off the gate)

As I was finishing to write this down, these fuckers (/lh) decided to host a closure night for the server as they've never really officially did it, everyone just sort of deserted the server after a while. Baghera, Etoiles and Antoine kept referring to QSMP throughout the night, mostly talking about how weird it felt without mods. Among other meta commentary things

They mentionned Cellbit and Bad multiple times as the group was trying to solve enigmas. Antoine talked about "the cultural sharing" between communities as he taught insults to each others with Mike, Roier and Maximus in their respective languages Multiple more players were namedropped (including eggs) while Antoine was talking about how the server functions

Yes, Baghera and Etoiles kept their QSMP skins. Etoiles with his code corrupted purgatory one, and Baghera with her fading pink disheveled hair (with the addition of her cubito wearing Horty's merch)

Baghera admits that going back to this small familiar vanilla server feels like coming back home to your family during the holidays

Team du Lundi's cameos in QSMP :

Though Pomme has never canonically met JDG (even though most of her parents have talked about him to her at least once), she occasionaly breaks the 4th wall to refer to him. She once compared one of BBH's "vacation" flower shirts with his, and when Foolish and Bad asked her to elaborate (obviously not getting the reference) she proceeded to play JDG's music theme with the flute instead (Also I really feel the need to once more point out how mindblowing it is for your average french speaking viewer to have JDG's intro theme being added to the mod they use in the QSMP because of how anchored it is within french internet pop culture. Like this shit has been existing for 14 fucking years, it's part of the childhood of a lot of us, so to find a clip of British hardcore player Philza peacefuly listening to Mexican egg admin Tallulah play this theme on her flute feels like a multiverse fever dream)

Horty has been on Quesadilla Island through cc!Baghera's account, but neither of them really wanted to justify it RP wise. Baghera just wanted to give her best friend a tour of the island. Horty only got to meet Richarlyson who gave her a tour of Cellbit's castle and made her pick a room (she chose Chaos). She also chatted with Etoiles who tagged along for a bit and (this is obviously justified by it being a one-shot out of roleplay filler episode kind of night) they both already knew each other and were on friendly enough terms to bicker with one another Also she was part of the French speakers Quackity reached out to to invite on the server, but she had to decline because she was very busy at that time (and also not interested) Also also she was Baghera's teammate for that Formula 4 event, and Baghera has discussed it and showed pictures to a couple of islanders, including Richas who was very hyped about it

Another player the viewers were hoping to see on Quackity's server is Mynthos. He exists within the server with the picture of him that hangs in Pomme's art gallery, the cursed animation video that used to play in La France, as well as with Aypierre's health potion factory that bears his name

Angle Droit and Zerator are sometimes namedropped when the French speakers talk with their chat. Angle Droit frequently raids Baghera's and Antoine's streams, and though it has never been confirmed, a lot of viewers theorized that she was the +1 player Baghera and Etoiles wanted to invite on the server had they won the elections.

As for Zera, Etoiles went AFK on QSMP a couple of times in order to test some of Zerator's TrackMania maps (which he later discussed with Pac). I also remember a very trivial conversation Etoiles had with Mouse and Aypierre where he laughed about hurting his back very badly after carrying a fellow streamer during a caritative event, said event was hosted by Zerator (he's also the one judging them with concern from his desk)

I'm done.

Bonus alternative design for Angle Droit because at first I thought she was a fox then it turned out she was a corgi but then she changed it again to a fox and woop

[greenteabelle]

with the news of qsmp possibly coming back, i want to do a retrospective on my favourite qsmp event: purgatory.

the entire concept of purgatory is honestly so cruel, which is why i loved every moment of it. oh, so you spent months interacting with streamers all over the world and formed valuable friendships with each other? yeah now kill them for your egg! you know, the egg that you've cared, fought, and sacrificed your life for? yeah. if you don't win, they'll die! oh and btw, there's a cursed team and if they don't win, all the eggs will die and all your effort you've put in for 2 weeks will be for nothing!

like ... that shit was insane ?????

and i still don't know how they decided the teams, but it felt like the main goal was to separate all active players who meshed well together then throw in the inactive ones here and there to make it even. like phil being separated from fit and etoiles, cellbit from roier, foolish from bbh, etc, like you could easily tell that they wanted to make sure that the members on the same team didn't have much experience playing with each other.

i loved this strategy, but mainly because i watched philza's pov. i can't say the same for the other teams, but i do think that bolas rojas was truly an unexpectedly amazing team. as a crow, i was initially quite curious about the team dynamic, because phil hasn't regularly interacted with any of them on the server before (correct me if i'm wrong).

then you see them go from awkward jokes to hopefully encouraging each other because hey who knows maybe they could win to an hour long crash out to renewed vigor born simply out of spite

and it's an exact reminder of how qsmp initially started, how the server brought together these creators whose worlds have no reason intersecting.

i just wish that the event was less pvp heavy, especially knowing that more than half of the server at the time were most definitely NOT known for their pvp skills. like i don't want to compare apples with oranges, but i wish there were specific events that weren't pvp centric like there is in mcc!

(and it'll make it less stressful to watch LMAO)

anyway, i digress.

if the qsmp really does come back, i have a super hot take:

do not bring the eggs back.

no matter how we feel about the qsmp eggs as fans, i think the streamers have moved on. we can lament all we want about how the eggs' stories were never fully realised and had so much potential, but i think it's better to simply leave it be. who knows if the original admins will be coming back, and all the endearing facts we thought we knew about each egg won't be the same.

so if qsmp really does come back with all the admins being paid fairly for their work and managed properly, i do hope that they won't try to go back to the eggs.

all in all, a qsmp comeback(?) was definitely not on my 2025 bingo card!

[wovenstarlight]

and another rant i have built up over jinjae is their everything around food. the first instance i can remember is the courtesy chocolates SHJ brings HYJ after the Babar dungeon, when he's in the hospital (chapters 80/81), which he says is for HYJ due to the stress he must be feeling over HYH. and then immediately kills any goodwill in the very next sentence by going Wowww you're so useful and i'd love to acquire you etc etc. HYJ's not even the one who accepts them from SHJ, that's BYR, and later HYJ says he only eats them because he has nothing better to do (no other option than SHJ, huh...) and even then the Dokkaebi ends up eating half the box. gift that's barely accepted.

the next instance i can think of is post-human trafficking auction in chapter 127 where SHJ makes him eggs, but. well. literally as he's cooking they have this exchange:

(this got so fucking long i had to put it under a cut. takes your hand come with me on this journey)

[SHJ] “I’d like for you to stay unharmed until I grow bored. Mentally, I mean.” [HYJ] “And my body doesn’t matter?” [SHJ] “If your bulk decreases, you’ll be easier to carry around.”

so "i'm making food for you" but also "i don't care if your health deteriorates and/or you lose weight, as long as you're useful". an interesting combination of messages to send, given that HYJ's also struggling in this scene to figure out what SHJ wants from him, what with seemingly looking out for him and his loved ones by lending Sillekia to BYR for fighting HYH, but also still continuing with this "my item" shit and only looking at him for his usefulness. but this instance IS notable in that it's the first time SHJ cooks for HYJ. a slight turning point in their relationship...?

it does seem so cuz after that... HYJ becoming sick of orange- and apple-flavored mana potions because he chugs them so often, and SHJ responding to this in chapter 185 (birthday arc, before HYJ admitted he stole his memories) by acquiring swiss chocolate-flavored mana potions for him. already he's started with the little treats.

and then. sorry i'm feeling the 216 feelings. 1 minute. Okay normal. and then. yes once again it's chapter 216, when SHJ first starts making readably genuine attempts at kindness towards HYJ, starting the entire interaction by making him a drink that "looked like it was just juice, but it was actually sweet. Tasty." normal behavior from SHJ to rent out the entire rooftop pool and bar to show off his bartending skills to HYJ btw.

then the VR dungeon arc, where SHJ can't see HYJ until he installs the first disc, but the moment he does he starts being absolutely unbearable, the relevant part being when HYJ's reached Achates and is stressed out over HYH's treatment to the point of losing his appetite, at which point SHJ sends him the "Must Eat Well" quest to coax him into eating, rewarding him with chocolate-flavored mana potions, which HYJ himself admits remind him of SHJ:

‘But why are they chocolate-flavored?’ It made me think of that person. It had tasted good.

we're told in chapter 249 that SHJ needs to expend tremendous effort to give HYJ quest rewards and that whatever he gives usually gets cut down (he's talking about point conversions there but i suspect it applies to other rewards as well). so to specifically seek out two potions, especially ones he knows HYJ will prefer more than the common fruit-flavored ones... [puts on my large jinjae-shaped sunglasses like that shit they sell for new years]

and ok i jumped ahead to 249 for the rewards thing but come back to 245 with me and look at that series of cooking quests SHJ sent HYJ to guide him through cooking dinner for himself and HYH. copying over my discord messages from when this chapter dropped for this part of the analysis:

ALSO SPEAKING OF SHJ that chain of quests at the end. he is driving me crazy but yes the cooking quests. like. okay. I mentioned before [...] that I considered this a jinjae scene chapter because. the layers of it all right. he sees hyj wants to cook for his brother but can't decide what to make/how to make it cuz the decision paralysis is hitting after the longass day he's had. so he goes ahead and picks a meal and gives him step by step instructions. overly specific so hyj doesn't hit some dumb roadblock like "idk where the spatula is" and lose it for real. it took multiple quests to give the instructions it might've been easier to give him a prepared meal from whatever store he's picking these rewards from but he spent that time anyway because I'm pretty sure going through the process soothed hyj. normality after the Everything of it all. and then at the end of it because he Knows hyj is prone to not eating when he gets stressed he baits him into eating with rewards. like. Bro. Bro like. OUGH. he cares. he cares.... AND ALSO THAT LAST FUCKING QUEST "made with a spoonful of your partner's love" IS NOT SOMETHING THE SYSTEM WOULD SAY SHJ I KNOW YOURE LEANING INTO "OH NO THE SYSTEMS ALTERING MY MESSAGES DW" AND LETTING YOUR FEELINGS SHOW. YOUR PAPER THIN MASK overemotional over cooking. god. god and even after the cooking thing knowing that hyj would freak upon waking up and not seeing hyh and so keeping an eye on hyh and sending him a quest to tell him where he is.... like fuck dude. FUCK!

ok that's enough of that excerpt this is starting to derail from food analysis. wait hold on actually 249's point about the cost of sending quests and rewards makes the cooking quest series even more impactful because how much did SHJ spend to go to that level of detail and care for HYJ!!!

anyway back to food analysis. 256 where HYJ dies to the inscription process and SHJ purposely serves him bitter tea and sweet cookies to point out that he shouldn't take rewards that come at great costs. SHJ you really love communicating things to people through food, huh? but the fact that the second he's understood SHJ takes away the bitter tea and replaces it with something less bitter and more savory. the fact that when the scout finds him, the last thing SHJ does, even after draping his coat over HYJ to protect him from the shards of falling sky, is refill his teacup. the fact that HYJ drinks it and thinks about how it's warm.

GOD!!! do you see my vision. do you see. SHJ and HYJ and cooking and eating as an act of caring. an act of love.

[mickstart]

Do you have any more inconsequential headcanons for Ratiorine/them individually? Like favorite food, color, ect. Just stuff that doesn't really matter but is fun to think about lol

Oogh okay. Well. Consider Aventurine's favourite food being a really simple stew he can vaguely recall his sister making that's kind of been Lost with the loss of the avgin culture. Until Ratio goes on an intense research deep dive and puts his cooking skills and his historical skills together to figure out what it was and how to make it. I don't think I can do justice to how aventurine feels eating it again - how it's both melancholic and happy, how it sends him back to simple but hard days, how both Ratio and his sister loved him enough to make this for him despite barriers and that makes it taste the same all these years later.

Ratio's favourite food is probably something pretty lavish I think. An indulgence like his baths. He pampers himself a Lot and he's a crazy good chef. It's still probably some sort of roast where the only "unhealthy" indulgent part is the amount of oil he uses but the taste is Rich. I don't think he's too big on sweet stuff (except bakklava?) but aventurine LOVES them and pesters him to bake for him.

God now I'm thinking about them grocery shopping ... Aventurine has never really had to Do It. First he wasn't in a position to and then he kind of went straight to having everything delivered to him by the IPC, but ratio cooks for himself and is picky about his ingredients. So he takes him through proper full on farmers markets, hand in hand, examining all the fruit and veg carefully... Both of them getting to experience normal domesticity, checking eggs and picking out the best apples... Aventurine overloads their bags because he sees something he wants it he buys it. Ratio has a strict shopping list that aventurine is ignoring the hell out of. Ratio gives a butcher extremely specific directions for what cut of meat he wants and aventurine is in the fishmongers like "that looks DISGUSTING. How much?"

Aventurine keeps making them stop to buy snacks / try free samples... Ratio rolls his eyes but he's never done any of this either usually he just slams his bust on to cancel out the noise gets his shit and leaves. Now he's eating "artisan waffles" with ice cream and bringing home tacky art pieces because aventurine LOVES tacky and just! AGH! Aventurine getting to experience domestic stuff that has been kept from him! Aventurine discovering the sense of control you get from grocery shopping yourself. Ratio having someone who likes being around him so much they can have fun just going to get groceries!!!!

[welldonebeca]

The Snip (1)

Summary: Daemon decides to have a vasectomy, and apparently that is everyone's problem. (Set in April 2024) Warnings: Modern Targaryens. Fluff. Crack treated like seriously. This family is just shameless. Domestic fluff. This is married Daemon x Rhaenyra in 2024. Let me give them a good life, please.

Enjoy Modern Targaryens? Check my ’Keeping Up With the Targaryens’ series.

Daemon was trying — really trying — not to glare. But judging by the way his jaw was clenched, and his eye twitched against his will, he wasn’t succeeding.

“They’re gonna cut off your balls!” Luke cackled maniacally from his spot in the kitchen.

Daemon shot him a look, abandoning any hope of keeping a neutral expression, and Eggy and Joff gasped together.

“They’re cutting off dad’s balls?” Joff’s eyes widened with horror.

“No one’s cutting anything off, Luke!” Rhaenyra scolded, giving him a sharp look. “Stop scaring your brothers.”

But his son laughed even more, enjoying his joke – or Daemon’s predicament – far too much to stop.

Daemon was having a vasectomy, and Rhaenyra had the great idea of telling the children.

On paper, it was a great idea. The kids weren’t stupid – they knew some basics about how babies were made. A special hug between adults, done privately, led to a seed from Dad meeting an egg from Mum, in her belly or sometimes in a lab, where it grew slowly into a baby. They also had a decent grasp of anatomy.

Yet somehow, here he was, in the kitchen, trying to explain his vasectomy, while his kid found endless amusement in his situation.

“The doctors aren’t cutting anything off,” Rhaenyra reassured their younger sons, perched on the tall counter stools, watching with wide eyes. “They’re just going to seal the path that Daddy’s seed takes to reach my womb, so we won’t have any more babies.”

Viserys, playing with his toys in the corner, was blissfully unaware of the conversation, but Eggy and Joff still looked very mistrustful.

It had been a well-thought-out decision. After losing Visenya, and following uncle Aemon’s medical advice, both Daemon and Rhaenyra knew it was best to avoid another pregnancy.

Rhaenyra had initially tried the pill, but the side effects were irritating. She switched to an IUD, and they began using protection, but after years of not needing it, it became more of a nuisance than anything.

She had considered having her tubes tied, but the procedure was more invasive and would take longer to recover from, and Daemon thought it was best he did it, as it was much safer. And now they were talking about it, cause apparently that was something he needed to make clear for the whole family.

“Daddy’s going to be just fine,” Rhaenyra focus on their boys, her voice very calm. “But it does mean he won’t be able to play with you for a little while. He won’t be able to pick you up, and he’ll need to be very, very careful with his body. And we all need to be careful with Daddy’s body for a bit, too, because we don’t want him to feel pain.”

Aegon and Joffrey nodded solemnly as Luke savoured his apple, leaning onto the counter with the biggest shit-eating grin he had ever seen on his damn face, happy to be an agent of chaos.

“And everyone is going to help,” his wife continued. “Laenor is arriving tonight-”

Joffrey gasped, eyes lighting up with excitement, interrupting her.

“Dad’s coming!”

Rhaenyra smiled.

During the school year, Joffrey and Luke didn’t get to see Laenor much, part of the custody arrangement between him and Rhaenyra. So whenever her ex-husband came to visit, the boys were overjoyed. And it wasn’t just Joffrey and Luke — Aegon and Viserys adored him too, which made everything easier.

Jace, Luke and Joff were Laenor’s sons as much as they were Daemon’s.

“He is!” she confirmed, gently brushing a hand over Joffrey’s cheek. “And he’s bringing Seasmoke with him. He’ll be staying here while I go with Daddy to the doctor for his procedure, and he’ll stick around for a few more days after that.”

Joffrey’s eyes widened even further at the mention of Seasmoke, his excitement barely contained, while Luke shot a look at Daemon, still grinning mischievously, clearly thrilled at the growing commotion.

"Do the girls know?" Lucerys asked with a sly grin. "That you’re getting snipped?"

Daemon sighed. Yes, they knew. He had told them during the car ride, when he was driving Rhaena to class and Baela to practice.

“They do,” he confirmed. “And they have been debriefed.”

Luke giggled, clearly finding the situation far too amusing.

“Did you tell them the doctor is going to seal the way your seed takes to get to mama’s womb?” he mimicked his mother’s earlier phrasing with exaggerated seriousness.

Daemon shot him a look, but the boy only laughed harder. Ever since Jacaerys had left to study in Westeros, Lucerys had taken full advantage of being the eldest son in the house, his humour sharper and his confidence blooming. Little jokester, Daemon thought, though he couldn’t help but feel a grudging amusement himself.

“Your sisters certainly don’t need a summary of how children are produced,” he recalled. “Do you require one? I’m sure your great-uncle Aemon can be of great value if you need a full anatomical evaluation.”

Luke raised both his hands, feigning innocence.

“Alright, alright,” he chuckled. “But… I have two nickels.”

Daemon frowned, now thoroughly confused.

“Two... nickels?” he repeated, trying to piece together what his son could possibly be on about.

“If I had a nickel for every time my mother was married to a man related to her through both her parents who couldn’t give her biological children, but raised me anyway, I’d have two nickels,” he recited with mock seriousness. “Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.”

Rhaenyra burst into laughter, probably as much from shock as from amusement at just how absurdly specific Luke had made the situation. Daemon, on the other hand, just rolled his eyes, holding his grin.

Sure, it was a little funny, but he wasn’t about to give Luke the satisfaction of laughing at a joke that poked fun at him.

“Well,” Daemon clicked his tongue, “Now we know your backup plan if oceanography doesn’t work out. We can ship you off to a comedy club.”

Luke laughed as he tossed his half-eaten apple into the air, catching it effortlessly.

“Well, if you’re done telling me things most parents don’t tell their kids, I’m off to swimming class and then the mall with Orys,” he announced, sounding far too pleased with himself.

He was driving his own car now, after getting his licence, and the freedom had clearly gone to his head.

“Drive safe,” Rhaenyra told him. “And don’t forget to share your location.”

He stopped by her, kissing her cheek, already nearing her height even in his mere 16 years. Harwin was a tall man, and he remembered Aemma’s father being one as well, and Rhaenyra was above the average height for a woman – Lucerys had a lot from both sides, and he was certainly not done growing if the amount of clothes that suddenly were too short on his legs and too tight on his shoulders every single week had anything to say about it.

“Love you,” he ruffled Joffrey’s hair, then Aegon’s. “Don’t wait up.”

“Don’t test me,” Daemon called after him, voice half-serious.

But Luke just laughed away, off to do his thing, and just as he left, Baela walked into the kitchen with Rhaena, both of them giggling and looking at one another like they were sharing the greatest conspiracy.

“There once was a dragon named Daemon,” Baela began dramatically, stepping into the kitchen with exaggerated flair. “In his prime, he had many a child.”

Rhaenyra smirked as she helped the younger boys down from their chairs, and Joffrey and Aegon immediately bolted off, no doubt to stir up some trouble.

“No running!” she called after them, though her smile betrayed her amusement at the girls' theatrics.

“Now he is but a mad cad, with no little lad,” Baela continued with a flourish, her voice dripping with poetic tragedy. “For now there is only a lizard, but no dragon named Daemon.”

Daemon sighed, shaking his head. Great, just great.

He had officially become the family’s favourite punching bag.

Rhaenyra chuckled, meeting his eyes with a mischievous glint.

“They get it from you, you know.”

Daemon rolled his eyes.

"I was never that bad."

“You were always the king of drama,” she corrected, a smirk on her lips.

The girls giggled, and Baela playfully slapped his shoulders with both hands, giving them a firm squeeze.

"Cheer up, kepa. Now you’ve got a perfect excuse to spend a week doing nothing but icing your wounds!" she teased.

He rolled his eyes. Daemon hated being idle, he despised not having anything to do with his time.

Rhaena passed by him slowly, laughing along to her sister’s joke.

“And you?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Got one up your sleeve?”

Rhaena glanced back at Baela, the two exchanging knowing looks.

“I think our poem covers it all, Dad. Don’t worry,” she replied, a teasing lilt in her voice.

He shook his head, letting out a resigned sigh. Of course.

“I bet you had a lot of fun coming up with it on your way home,” he crossed his arms. “Many verses.”

She grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll love hearing all of them throughout your recovery,” she winked at him.

Daemon pinched his nose.

This was going to be one long week.

Keep reading "The Snip" on AO3! Chapters 2 and 3 are up now!

[mediumgayitalian]

previous chapter

———

The sunlight disorients him.

Usually, he wakes to a blaring alarm. If he has no alarm set, nothing planned for the day, he wakes when he cannot physically stand the taste of his own breath anymore, stumbling out of bed and ambling like a zombie for the nearest toothbrush. (On rare, rare occasions, he wakes to humming – low, drawling, lilting, floating around his darkened room, brightening it. He dreams about those mornings.)

He cannot remember the last time he woke to gentle sun.

Stretching, he takes a minute to catalogue the space as he wakes up, noticing the light curtains over wide windows, small TV tucked in between two double beds, and a desk, larger than he would have expected, taking up the far right corner.

Will is nowhere to be found.

“Jogging, mebbe,” Nico mumbles to himself; tiny, forgotten accent slipping out before he can stop it. Gingerly, he peels off the blankets and pads to the bathroom. Will’s blue-capped toothbrush sits next to the sink, quelling Nico’s ridiculous anxiety that Will, actually, has never been here at all, and Nico dreamed this whole thing up. He smiles slightly at the dorky stickers plastered all over the handle, colour mostly worn away, and the watch forgotten next to the soap dispenser. 

He hears a heavy door open and shut, pausing to make out quiet footsteps over the running water. Quickly rinsing the suds off his face, he towels off and steps back out into the hotel room, watching his friend.

Will has his back turned, hunched over the desk. He wears a hoodie, blue with big white clouds all over it – his favourite – and, of course, horrible cargo shorts. Nico counts seven pockets, and that’s just what he can see from the back. There is a book shoved in two of them, keys hanging out of a third, and an apple bulging from the pocket near his hip.

“Morning.”

Will jumps, whirling around. 

“You scared the shit outta me!”

“Sorry,” Nico says, not sorry. He’s grinning. “Were you out for a run?”

“I was out for a run hours ago, yes. It’s, like, ten-thirty, dude. You’ve been sleeping for eight hundred years.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” They’ve had this argument more times than he can physically count, he refuses to have it again when he doesn’t have the upper hand. He’ll bring it up again when Will’s sleepy again at nine o’clock. “Where were you?”

Will steps to the side, revealing three separate heaping plates of food on the desk, piled high with eggs, toast, a muffin, bacon, and, of course, an entire plate devoted to fruit. Nico descends upon it like a swarm of seagulls upon a terrorized child’s ice cream cone – with fury, insatiable hunger, and endless hubris. He makes sure to ignore the fruit.

Five minutes later, he’s satiated enough to turn a percentage of his attention away from the food. He spins the desk chair halfway to face Will, instead, curled up on the bed with one knee pulled to his chest, watching him fondly.

“How many times did you almost drop this on the way up?” he asks around a mouthful of bacon.

Will’s smile drops, eyes narrowing. “Shut up.”

“Four floors, and there’s a good chance you took the stairs to keep the elevators for ‘someone who needs them more’, so –”

“I hate you.”

“– I’m guessing one time per flight of stairs? Oh, wait, there are three plates, definitely more –”

“I’m never doing anything nice for you ever again.”

“– and you have a new band-aid on your knee, so you definitely tripped and dropped it at least once.” He pops the last of the bacon in his mouth, smiling wickedly. “Twice? Three times? If you don’t tell me I’m going to assume six and move on.”

Will’s glare intensifies. He mumbles something.

“Hm?”

He mumbles again. Nico doesn’t even pretend not to be delighted. He knows the smile on his face is wide enough to make him look deranged, he simply doesn’t care. Opportunities to press Will’s buttons this beautiful do not show up every day. He must treasure them.

“Didn’t catch that.”

“Hadtogoback.”

“Gonna have to speak up, bud.”

“I had to go back!” Will explodes, hands thrown in the air. “I fuckin’ – I dropped the stupid plates, the first time, so I had to fuckin’ – clean it up and – two stupid trips, you jerk, you better appreciate this –”

Nico almost bites through his lip. “You dropped it?”

“I didn’t mean to!” Will says defensively. “I was concentrating really hard but –”

Nico loses it.

“– my shoe got caught on the last step and I didn’t have any hands to catch myself.” He scowls. “Three people saw.”

He can’t breathe. There are genuine, actual tears streaming down his face, burn in his eyes almost as bad as the burn in his lungs, the ache in his belly. He wraps his shaking arms around himself in an attempt to hold himself together, laughing so hard he feels like his muscles might actually rip themselves off his bones. Every time he tries to calm down, he pictures Will, in his dorky flip-flops, egg in his hair, half a muffin crushed on his cheek, bright red, sprawled on the ground, food everywhere. If he could think of literally anything else, he’d be worried about his heart straight-up failing. 

“I hate you. Actually.”

“I’m – oh my God,” he wheezes. He manages, finally, to get an actual breath in, desperately trying to think of literally anything else to calm down. Fucking – bumper to bumper traffic. Bedbugs. His father’s frowning face. That always works. “Holy shit, Will.”

“I should’ve just woken your ungrateful ass up.”

“Probably.” He flicks a grape at him, smiling. Will catches it in his mouth, rolling his eyes but smiling back. “Glad you didn’t.”

“Whatever.”

Nico finishes the rest of his breakfast in relative peace, managing to turn away if his mouth threatens to betray the tentative truce they’ve negotiated. He even eats one entire peach when Will starts pelting him with tiny hotel soap bottles and listing side effects of cholesterol-induced heart disease.

The second he finishes the last bite, Will orders him to clear off the desk. Nico mutters about bossiness and how Will is most definitely not in charge of him, doing as he asks. When he comes back – took him a hot second to shove the paper plates into a small enough ball to fit in the garbage can – Will has dragged the desk over to the bed, sitting criss-cross next to it, examining one of the many papers he has covering it.

“So,” he says, gesturing next to him. Nico dutifully sits, peering at the various maps and markings. “We gotta plan part two.”

“Didn’t we already do this?” Nico asks. “Back at Dunkin’s?”

“Not this far. I wanted to Preserve the Spontaneous Road Trip Spirit.” Nico can hear the capitalization.

“So, planning, then.”

“Yes, exactly.”

Nico smiles. “Brief me, captain.”

Will jumps right in, pointing and gesturing and every once and a while catching Nico’s eye to ask, right? Sound good?

Nico just watches him. 

The midday sun shines directly in his face, catching and reflecting on his pale eyelashes, making his eyes go squinty. His excitement is obvious, in his chattering, his waving hands, his bouncing curls; every part of him moving. Even his stupid cargo shorts look endearing, every other pocket bulging, filled absentmindedly with slips of paper or pens or bandaids or granola bars. Nico watches him and feels he might burst.

“You’re not listening,” Will accuses.

Nico jumps back into focus. “Yes I am.”

“What’d I just say?”

“‘You’re not listening’.”

WIll cracks a smile. “You’re not funny.”

“Run over that again,” Nico answers, and grins devilishly when Will does. Not funny his ass.

He listens, though, through Will’s second explanation. It’s not too hard – Will’s always been organised. The wide penciled circle around their location in Atlanta, outlining the area they can drive before their next fuel stop, is pretty wide. But the options are limited, in Nico’s opinion – while he’s sure there is indeed something to do in South Carolina, there’s nothing to do for him, specifically. He’s cool with skipping it.

“There is one place we can go,” Will says. His voice has gone oddly quiet, and after at minute he glances over at Nico, like he’s waiting for his permission.

“Your road trip, dude,” he murmurs, nudging their shoulders together. “I’ll even go to South Carolina if you want to, but no promises that I won’t complain about it.”

That, thankfully, draws a huff out of him, some of the tenseness fading from his frame. 

“South Carolina is beautiful, you know.”

“Says the boy who is currently visiting his third state ever.”

“...Touché.” He taps his pencil on the map, pink eraser thunking somewhere in the Bermuda triangle. “I was thinking – we could try Nashville? Music Row, or Broadway?”

Nico groans. “Oh, of course you wanna go hang out with all the goddamn hillbillies, you fuckin’ country boy –”

“It’s good music!”

Nico groans louder. Secretly, though, he watches his friend out of the corner of his eye, watches as his shoulders slump, relieved, and he knows he’ll spend as long as he needs in lasso-slingin’ Tennessee, following Will in and out of – barns and ranches and cowboy boot shops, probably. Are saloons still a thing?

He has a feeling that there is more to Will’s hesitance than a fear about being judged for his Marty Robbins obsession. If Tennessee is where he’s gonna get answers – well. He’ll brave the goddamn sea of cowboy hats.

A knock at the door startles them both. A voice calls hesitantly through the door: “Mr. di Angelo?”

“Wrong door, probably,” Will whispers after a moment. He looks to Nico. “Right?”

There’s another knock. “Mr. di Angelo?” 

“Yeah.” Nico rolls of the bed, landing on the floor with a grunt. “Another room with a Mr. di Angelo.”

He creeps towards the door, keeping low as if whoever’s outside can see him. After a moment, the bed creaks, and Will’s quiet footsteps pad behind him. 

“You think it’s room service?” Will whispers, plastered to the opposite side of the door. Even ducking, his hair brushes the edge of the peephole. 

Nico shoves his head down, pinching him when he squawks. “Be quiet, tall person, I need to see.”

“Get a stepstool then, jerk! Stop using my neck as a lever!”

“What part of be quiet are you missing! God!”

“Mr. di Angelo, please open the door.”

The voice on the other side of the door sounds amused. Face flaming, Nico shoves Will somewhere behind him, still bitching, and swings open the door. 

“Good afternoon,” says the man in the hallway. He’s dressed very smartly in a tailored black suit, nametag reading Eric. “Are you Mr. di Angelo?”

Nico clears his throat, trying to stand taller. “That’s me.”

“Good. I’m with Hotel Administration. We received a fax for you this morning?” He hands Nico a manilla folder. “First page says confidential, so we put it in the envelope. We tried to call this morning but didn’t get any response.”

Vaguely, Nico remembers a ringing phone. He also remembers yanking the plug out of the wall in sleep-deprived rage.

Oops.

Ignoring Will’s snickering, Nico thanks the man, closing the door and sitting on the nearest bed. Will scooches over to make room for him, tossing and catching a pillow. Nico leans back against the headboard, crossing his leg over Will’s.

“What’s in the envelope?”

“Checking now.”

The envelope is the cheap kind you get in a box of fifty; speckled brown, thin, machine-cut. It’s not sealed and so Nico flips it open easily, sliding out a small stack of papers. The first is a huge CONFIDENTIAL, printed diagonally across otherwise blank paper. The second is a bank statement. 

Nico shoots upright.

“What? Nico, what’s –”

“Mr. di Angelo, we regret to lose your business,’” Nico recites in a shaking voice, “‘but appreciate your time with us and wish you all the best with your future banking.’”

Frantically, he scans the document again. Successful cancellation. Expedited closure date. Transferred affairs to –

– parent account. 

“–co? Nico? Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

The air pushes out of Nico’s lungs like a crushed balloon. “Fuck.”

“Nico.” Warm hands press on his bloodless cheeks, fingers sliding in his hair. “Nico, look at me.”

He gasps. Will squeezes gently, eyes dark and stern and kind, thumbs callus-rough and dragging across his cheekbones.

“Good. Again. There you go, you got it.” 

Nico grabs his wrists when he tries to pull away. Will takes the hint, sliding his hands under Nico’s free one and knocking their shoulders together.

“What’s wrong, Nico?” 

Instead of answering, Nico sets the papers on the bed between them. Will squints, and for a second Nico prays that he’s wrong, that he’s mixed up the words. That it doesn’t say what it knows it does.

Then Will inhales, quick and sharp, and the hope is dashed.

“Your card…”

“Next page,” Nico says softly.

Niccolò,

The papers rustle as Will flips them, and this one he takes much longer to read. 

Vorrei sapere che ho fermato un caso di frode alla radice.

After a minute, he holds it out, shaking his head.

Un criminale ha rubato la tua carta di credito, e l’ha usata per comprare una stanza d’albergo in Georgia. Qualche spacciatore, non ci sono dubbi.

“It’s a little formal, I can’t –”

Ho disattivato la carta, naturalmente. Ti darò quella nuova appena ti vedrò.

Nico takes the scanned letter. Vaguely, he registers Will’s hands brushing up his arms as they move two wrap around his face again, this time forcing his jaw to unclench.

“Power play,” Nico snarls. His clenched fingers wrinkle the pulpy paper.  “He knows exactly where I am. If he wanted to drag me home, he could drag me by the fucking –”

“But instead he’s forcing you to call him,” Will says softly. “Oh, Nico, I’m so sorry.”

The hands drop from his face again. It knocks the cloudiness right out of Nico’s head, and he snaps up, frowning at Will’s crooking fingers, the bitten lips. He won’t meet Nico’s eyes.

“Why are you sorry my father’s being a haughty jackass who suddenly cares what I do with my time?”

“And his money.” Will picks up the bank statement, reading over it again, and again, like it might change. Like Nico’s credit card will magically become un-cancelled, like they will suddenly become un-stranded. “This whole stupid thing is my fault. I never should have dragged you into it, Neeks, I’m so –”

“If you apologise again I’m going to push you off the bed.”

“– sorry.” 

“Will.” Nico snatches back the statement, shaking his head. He waits until blue eyes meet his then smiles, as reassuringly as he can with such a pit in his stomach. “My father is –” He sighs. “It’s not about the money. You know he doesn’t care about the money.”

Will shrugs. It’s true – Nico has made dumber purchases. When he was twelve, he bought a trampoline, just to see if his father would say anything. Fifteen, marble statue. Sixteen, a car.

Then he stopped trying.

“How far can we go, on the gas we have? How many miles?”

Will shrugs. “Three and a half hours? Four, if we push it?”

“And on a full tank of gas?”

“Almost six.”

“And then we’re stuck.”

“And then we’re stuck, yeah. Unless you got Greyhound money hidden somewhere.”

Nico sighs, dragging a hand down his face. “That’s what he wants, Will. He doesn’t care about the – about the stupid money. He wants me. He wants me to ask, rather, to pick up a phone and beg him to come get us ‘cause we have no other options. He wants me to admit I need his help.”

The first time he ran away, he’d had to avoid every cop car. He knew he was being looked for, he saw his own face plastered on news screens. It had only been a matter of time. The second attempt was – easier. Much easier. He’d hardly even had to hide his face. By the third time, he’d waited a week, waited almost a month, before he was cold and hungry and walked to the nearest social services building himself. The car ride home, the humiliation so potent he could taste the bitterness of it, had made the cold, rainy nights with nothing but the same ratty hoodie he’d worn when he left worth it. He swore he’d never subject himself to that again. 

And yet here he is. 

Out of options. 

“You know what? No.” In a swift, unstoppable movement, Will snatches the stack of papers, ripping them into four pieces faster than Nico can reach an arm out to stop him. “We’re not doing this.”

“Will – what –”

He throws himself off the bed, stomping over to his backpack. A folded pair of socks goes flying over his shoulder, a book hits the ground with a heavy thunk. His muttering grows louder, cursing interspersed between every word.

“What are you –”

“We are not dealing with this right now.” With a frustrated finally, Will yanks a bag of something out of his backpack, stomping back towards the bed. He throws a Ziploc bag onto the duvet, and it bounces once, twice, three times before splitting open and spilling quarters everywhere.

“What the hell is –”

“You already payed for the room, right?”

Nico snaps his jaw shut. “Yes.”

“And it’s Saturday.”

“I – it is, yeah.”

“Not a business day.”

“No.”

“Well.” Will nods. “Bank’s closed. Hotel can’t process anything, and they have no reason to suspect your card, which worked just fine last night, is gonna bounce. We’ve got a day of breathing room, at least, and I don’t want to think about it.”

He holds up a hand when Nico starts to argue, grim set to his mouth giving way to something a little sharper, a little more dangerous. 

“We might not be old enough to gamble, but when you’re in Atlanta, you do as the Atlantians do.” He meets Nico’s eye, grinning. “You still any good Street Fighters?”

———

next chapter

[nehswritesstuffs]

One Piece Rare Pair Week 2025 - Pride Edition - Part 4 of 7

Someone said it was Rare Pair Week so you know that I, a mod in a Discord server dedicated to exactly that, was on it.

1091 words; takes place while on the way from Punk Hazard to Dressrosa; might do something more with this concept later; rated T for innuendo and language

Part One [FFN]/[AO3] - Part Two [FFN]/[AO3] - Part Three [FFN]/[AO3] - Part Four [FFN]/[AO3]

Day Four: AU | Roleswap - LawSanji [1091 words; T]

The blond’s incredulous laugh almost echoed throughout the otherwise-silent galley, everyone but him and one of their guests awkwardly silent. Well, their captain was still eating, but aside from him it was so quiet that one of Brook’s farts could sound like a trumpet.

“You think you can do a better job than me at cooking?!” Sanji cackled. “Now that I’d like to see!”

“It’s not my fault you’ve got the ratios all wrong,” Law grumbled, trying to play it cool. “You’ve got the palate of a smoker—something has to be off.”

“You are saying you’re better at my job! Ungrateful freeloader…!”

“Not ungrateful; I simply know better.”

“Then if you think you can do so well, be my guest.” Sanji gestured towards the kitchen and Law raised his eyebrows—interesting.

“Uh… Sanji-kun, are you really going to let Traffy cook?” Nami grimaced.

“It’s a stain on his pride as a man,” Franky explained. He shoved more food into his mouth in an effort to keep it from Luffy. “If he doesn’t call Traffy’s bluff, then everything will be super-tense!”

“If Traffy’s allowed to cook, then can I cook too?” Luffy wondered. Nami and Usopp both hit the back of his head from either side; no.

“Fine—you want it to be like that? I’ll bite.” Law stood and made sure his sword was resting firmly against the table and his hat sitting on his chair before heading towards the sink to wash his hands.

“No Devil Fruit,” Sanji stipulated. “Make it with your own skills.”

“Mmhmm—you just want to watch me work with my hands,” Law quipped as he scrubbed under his fingernails. Zoro and Kin’emon both choked on their drinks. “I’ll even do it without ashing in the batter.”

“Ha, ha; I’m watching you.” Sanji then leaned against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, indeed watching the other man as he began to move around in his kitchen.

“Oooh, does this mean more of these delightful things?!” Momonosuke gasped, mouth full of pancake. “It is like what makes dorayaki, but different!”

“This is going to be even more different,” Law claimed. He got out Sanji’s takoyaki pan and set it atop the stove with enough force to make the cook twitch. “This one is going to actually be good.”

“Watch my shit or you’re replacing it, Traffy,” Sanji warned.

“Are we having breakfast takoyaki?!” Luffy gasped in delight. He went to stand, only for Nami to tug on his ear to bring him back down to his seat.

“I’m making real pancakes; now sit down,” Law scowled. The non-Luffy people at the table all exchanged nervous glances, knowing that there was a chance this would not end well.

Flour, eggs, milk, yeast in one bowl, and soon Law was not only using the takoyaki pan to make miniature pancakes that were puffy and light, but he was also making larger thin ones without yeast in a regular pan, flipping them with the aid of a lid that seemed to appear from nowhere. He would slide the pancake done-side down onto the lid, then flipped pan and lid together to get the other side of the pancake going. Eventually, he had a large pile of both kinds of pancakes, bringing them both to the table once the small ones were dusted in powdered sugar and the large ones were sliced into quarters.

“These,” he said, “are pancakes.” The people at the table all took some, surprised at how good they were.

“Oh wow, this is good,” Usopp marveled as he ate one of the slices. “Raisins…?”

“Some are plain, some have raisins, some have apples,” Law replied. Sanji glared at him and he could feel it boring into his back. “Okay, so I cheated a little as a surprise, but the cooking part is genuine.”

“Can Traffy help make breakfast while we’re on the way to Dressrosa?!” Luffy asked. “Sanji, he can help you, right?!”

“Yes, please!” Momonosuke chimed in, mouth stuffed with one of the tiny pancakes. “These are most delicious!”

“Give me some of those,” Sanji grunted. He grabbed a plate and took some from both stacks of Law’s creations. Law leaned against the counter with his arms crossed as Sanji popped one of the miniature ones that came from the takoyaki pan into his mouth, the entire thing going at once.

Oh… there was something about the fluffy dough that made him stop mid-chew and consider what he was eating. Sanji thought about the cooks he grew up around—not Patty and Carne, but the ones from even earlier, who let him sneak into the kitchens and even taught him some basics—and the things they brought from their homes. The recipes… the techniques… the traditions; he quietly ate one of the slices of the larger pancake and knew it was the same kind that used to sit in a stack on one of the counters, waiting for a hungry, busy staff member to walk by and grab a couple slices to hurriedly stuff into their mouth on the go.

There was no way it wasn’t the same. How in the hell was it the same?!

“…and…?” Sanji looked up and saw that Law was staring at him, mouth twitched up in the barest of smugness. Everyone else was looking at him too, but it was only the Warlord who was silently daring him.

“They’re… pretty good,” he lied. They were excellent. “Family recipe?”

“Close as I can manage, anyhow.” Law shrugged and Sanji wanted to smack the surgeon across the mouth. “Surprised you didn’t know.”

Law looked anything but surprised.

“Are you implying something, Trafalgar?”

“If you want.”

“Alright, I’m out,” Zoro said as he abruptly stood. His leaving the galley prompted others to flee with him, taking their food along. Soon, it was only Sanji and Law in the galley, the latter still satisfied from the reaction he was getting out of the former.

“I haven’t tasted pancakes like this in a long time,” Sanji admitted.

“I haven’t heard someone pronounce my name like that in a long time,” Law replied. “Think you could do it again?”

“Help with cleanup and then we’ll talk.”

“Fair.” Law opened a Room and all the dishes began to collect near the sink, making Sanji scoff.

“Good food, now this? You trying to seduce me?”

“Roronoa seems to think so.”

“I didn’t ask about him.”

Law simply shrugged and rolled up his sleeves; he was going to have to figure that out for himself.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

A/N: Listen, I am the asshole who would use a takoyaki pan to make poffertjes and a poffertje pan to make takoyaki. I also need to figure out pannenkoeken like I grew up with because crepes are good but they’re just not the same, you know?

[krirebr]

the softest thought 🥺💕 ransom doing his best to make you bread pudding despite his first attempt resulting milky bread and scrambled eggs 😭 and he brings it to you on a little wooden tray with a fancy spoon and everything bc he's practically turning into a high strung housewife the longer he's with you

bone apple teeth!! jk im sure he speaks french

Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhh, Brandy!!! The feelings!!

And he knows how hard everything's been lately, so when he brings it to where you're zoned out on the couch, you immediately burst into tears.

"Fuck," he says. "Is it that bad??" And he's clearly starting to close off, even as you're looking at him, shaking your head.

"No," you say, emphatically through your tears. "It's my favorite! And you made it for me! Because you love me!" And everything comes out garbled because you're crying so hard, and he's staring at you like you've grown an extra head. "And I love you so much!" you continue, making grabby hands at him until he sits down next to you. "Because you do shit like this!"

He settles into the couch, and you press yourself into his soft sweater, still crying, but now you're eating too. "Ok," he says slowly, still clearly confused. "So the bread pudding is good? You like it??"

[fandomworld9728]

The Life of the Morningstars - Chapter 12:

"Dad! It's time to get up!" Knocking on the door, Charlie was starting to get worried. He hadn't answered any of her calls or texts to come join them for breakfast. She even made their favorite type of pancakes as a nice little welcome treat. "Dad? I'm coming in!" 

Taking out her master key, the princess let herself in and quickly covered her nose at the strong smell that had filled the room. The smell of overripe and sour apples along with burnt honey so strong it gagged her. Quickly closing and locking the door, Charlie went to open the window to air it out only to stop. What if the smell drew people to the hotel to try and find out who it was coming from?

No. She wasn't going to mess up again. What did she do or let happen that cause this sort of reaction from her dad? And how was she going to air this place out safely?

Sitting up in bed, Lucifer looked around the room trying to wake up and focus. "Charlie...?

"Oh, thank fuck!" Rushing over to him, she sat on the edge of the bed before pushing some hair out of his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I think... I think I was wrong. A scent set me off. Luckily, it didn't trigger my heat. I'm sorry I made you worry. I thought for sure..." He was usually more careful than this. Now his gross and soured scent was probably leaking out of the room. This is why he preferred to live alone. So that he couldn't fuck up like this and bring trouble to his darling daughter.

"No! No, I'm sorry. I should have put my foot down and paid better attention. I-I... I'm not as good of an alpha as I thought..."

"Charlotte Annette Morningstar! Don't you ever say that about yourself again. I am so proud of the alpha you have grown into. You just haven't had a proper teacher seeing as your mother didn't want to teach you and left us... and as much as we love Beel and Ozzie, and their nontraditional view on second genders, that didn't really work in your favor for the basics of omega care."

Lucifer felt like he failed her as a parent. There weren't many omegas here in Hell. Not even among the Hellborn. Not to mention, as far as he knew, Lucifer himself had been the only omega angel in Heaven. That could have changed while he was gone but that meant he also wasn't taught about his own biological make up. The ones who would have the most information on this would be the sinners.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do. You head on down to breakfast while I air out my room. I'll come down and join you when I'm done. After, you will find a proper alpha teacher. I recommend a sinner you trust."

~

Lucifer hadn't expected this kind of reaction. After he had used his wings and a portal to air out his bedroom, he came down to join everyone for breakfast only to find everyone but Charlie looking like they were either high or drunk. When asking his darling daughter about it, she was just as surprised as he was but figured it had to do with his scent rushing out when she had opened his door earlier.

Since she grew up around it, it didn't affect her unless she was emotionally distressed. Even Alastor, the creepy bastard, was relaxed in his chair. Lucifer wasn't sure if he should be flattered or uncomfortable.

"Hey there toots~ What uh... what is that amazing smell?" Angel asked, laying boneless on the floor. "I ain't never felt this good before."

"Oh! Uh... w-well..."

"Yeah. Don't keep it a secret. I feel like I got buzzed off the best high shelf shit in all of Hell." Husk had his upper body draped over the bar, looking like he was on the verge of passing out. Unlike Vaggie who actually was passed out. At least she looked comfortable. The egg bois of Sir Pentious' were huddled around her.

Speaking of the snake. He didn't seem to be here. Though, the sounds coming from the kitchen gave away his location. Did... did Lucifer's scent make him hungry? That was a new one.

The only one who didn't seem effected by it at all was Niffty. Which made sense seeing as she was a beta. Seems like she might end up being Lucifer's saving grace when he couldn't control his scent, as much as that freaked him out. Maybe he shouldn't have brought up saving graces... every time he did, the world had to screw him over. Case in point, Alastor opening his mouth and making it so he had to go and change pants.

"Yes, Charlie. What is that smell? It is utterly delicious."

Oh. Lucifer was so screwed. Maybe he needed a vacation to the Lust or Greed Ring. Hell, he'll even visit Wrath at this point!

< Previous

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[phen397]

Sonic adventure 2 but told through notes I took while playing part2 electric Boogaloo

OK here we go again

Tails in the Chao garden is too cute

Love the way his tails sway and flop on the ground

Feed the children all the tubes

Only one though

He will be the most drugged up Chao at the races

OK

Time to leave

Sonic in jail

Amy from the sky

Have no fear Amy rose is here

How did she get that key card

"That black hedgehog"? Amy please come see me after class

Marry me if I tell?

Did sonic write the stuff in the walls

Nah he too dumb for all that math

Who built these ramps and loops in the middle of the ocean?

Guess gun did since their name is on everything

Thanks omachao I didn't know how to do a homing attack

Cuccked by a bot phasing put of existence

Can I just not hit ghost bot?

No omachao I haven't tried using the light dash I don't even have that yet

Oh hey light dash shoes

Go fast on rings

Lots of peacocks in this level

The seal is so cute look at him

Rocket time

Bigger rocket

I gotta ride it!?

Oh snap

To space baby

Oh God he jumped

Where did this stuff come from

Snowboard down tube to goal

Sonic seems to like taking panels off of gun's stuff

I am sure they aren't important

New gate in Chao space

The kindergarten

I am going to go get apple sauce and have a nap

Oh it seems to be empty

Little drawings of chaos on the walls

Wonder if these where drawn by fans

Chao bulletin board

What browser?

Different doors for things

Can't do anything cause I didn't bring a Chao

I am a teen just wandering around a kindergarten

Not weird at all

Let me talk to the principal

Lots to say

Now how do I get my Chao here?

Poor all the animals and tubes into one Chao

What could go wrong?

Maybe if I pick up a Chao and leave I can take him to the kindergarten

Nope

Next level time

In the forest

So far so good

Hi shadow I mean faker

Not even good enough to be my fake

"I'LL MAKE YOU EAT THOSE WORDS" damn sonic let the man finish

Time to fight shadow

Did he just say he is the coolest?

Shit I fell

Wait for him to land after his attack then hit him

Do you even know who I am

Green forest

Yes

Yes it is

Close your mouth shadow please

Island gonna blow up

Soundtrack picking up for this epic race against death

Oh yea Amy and tails are here too I guess

8 minutes till boom

Epic vine swings

Love my naturally growing springs

Level done

More tubes for the child

Let's see how the child has grown

Race time

Mushroom forest this time round

Look at my child go

Not dead last so doing good

Ha some tripped

Cheer em on

3rd place thanks to a trip right at the end

Try again?!

So I need to win huh?

Fine I will be back

Island blowing up cutscene

Plane flies away

Pumpkin hill

Getting jiggy with it

Place feels haunted

Knuckles time

Shovel claws

I can dig now

I can dig up Graves

Ghosts not happy

This place feels familiar

How train why train?

Found all 3

Eggman psa

Creepy child

Eggman empire

Egg face in space

The ark

Laser beam

NOT THE MOON

24 hours

Gang saw it all

How did he get all that energy

Chaos emerald

Talis has one just cause

I am sure you saying something important tails but I can't hear you over the sound of your theme song blasting my eardrums out

Oh shoot the popo

Yes Amy you are an accomplis now

No backing out now

Ah yes mission Street

Right next to objective lane

If you hit side quest ally you went to far

Tails level

Gonna get so many tubes

Boosters

Fly high?

More like hover mid

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay

Okay

Thanks tails

More tubes for the child

All for now But next time I don't know maybe the child attends class or smth idfk