#“look how evil i am i could totally kill people no problem”

[the-great-papyru]

i’ve said this before, but flowey is not the kind of person who expresses attachment through words. if he cares for anyone, he’s gonna show it through doing things for them.

genocide makes this painfully obvious. “chara” falls and the second he “recognizes” them he starts monologuing about how they’re like him and how they can destroy the world together. not exactly an “you’re my best friend and i love you.”

but then you see him solving every puzzle for you, making himself useful. because i think when it comes down to it, that’s what he thinks friendship is about.

i’m sure plenty of it comes from his previous relationship with chara. they likely at least made him feel like he had to follow along with them to maintain their friendship. whether it was intentional on chara’s part or not is debatable.

but a lot of it also came from his early resets. he became “friends” with everyone through solving all their problems. he had a use. he didn’t open himself up to them, or even let them open themselves up for him. he figured out what they wanted likely through pure observation. he didn’t give them what they really wanted, he gave them what he thought they thought they wanted. which ended up being what no one wanted at all.

bottom line is, he built every kind of “friendship” through putting himself out and doing thing for people. he’s convinced himself that friendship is just doing a bunch of things for people.

he might as well tell you this at the end of genocide. “I’m helpful, I can be useful to you.” flowey feels like he has to be useful to deserve friendship. like he has to be useful to deserve to live.

[selkiewife]

Helaena's "Where would I go?" question. The way she looks so... interested in a way? I can't decide if it's like "Where would I go? I already know the future so I don't know where I could possibly go?" OR... maybe this is the first time someone has presented her with another option... and she is actually totally intrigued. It seems as though she receives kind of waking dreams or visions a lot and can't quite separate herself from the dreaming/real life. I think? Tell me if I'm wrong or if you have another interpretation. She tells Aemond this essentially- even if you killed me it wouldn't change anything. But maybe it would?

I have always said that I LOVE the prophecy inclusion in House of the Dragon because it brings up so many interesting questions. And I think what is the most interesting is the way people REACT to the prophecy- and that seems to be a huge thing in the asoiaf novels as well. You might have a dream or prophecy but interpret it wrong. You may have a dream or prophecy and interpret it "correctly" but go about achieving it "wrong." I'm putting it in quotes because I realize it's much more nuanced than I am describing it. I personally love the idea that the Targaryens are having "correct" dreams about the long night but are trying to solve the problem in the "wrong" way. Like yes, uniting Westeros may seem like the right idea (and I honestly can't blame them for thinking that) but it ultimately becomes a really distracting, brutal, self annihilating side quest? Maybe? Helaena, unlike most of the other dreamers or characters motivated by prophecy in asoiaf, doesn't seem to impose her own ideas or actions onto the prophetic visions she receives. She kind of just receives the visions and she doesn't say- "Oh, here is how I can help this prophecy come to fruition" (like Macbeth or Rhaenyra and now Daemon) or "here is how I can prevent this prophesy from happening" (like Oedipus and Daenys- Daenys being more successful than Oedipus of course lol.) Alicent has also seemed to travel her own "I must prevent the "prophecy" (from Otto) of my sons' death from happening- and yet everything she does to prevent it unfortunately ends up leading to her sons' death...

But Helaena doesn't seem moved to action by her prophetic visions. I think it's because she sees that as futile. It upsets her greatly that she can't prevent the tragedies (like her son's murder.) But! At the same time, she is in a culture that kind of reinforces this idea of passive acceptance. "I can't prevent the evil that I have seen is coming" pairs with Otto's non prophecy real world pragmatism of "this is the way the world is- either play the ugly game or die."

And yet, for the first time in perhaps her life, Alicent asks Helaena if she'd like to go somewhere else- to break script- to break her destined path. And I feel like Helaena seems to consider it for a moment. I think it would be an interesting exploration if Helaena is genuinely asking, "Could I? Could I do this? Could I leave the path that is laid out for me?" I also think it's interesting (and I really love) that it is Alicent that presents this possibility- who has always been such a symbol of walking the path that has been laid out for them. Helaena says later in the episode, "It's all a story. And you're but one part in it. You know your part." But can the part players improvise? Can they go off script? Can they wander off the path? Can they collaborate with the story? Can they change the story?

The finale left me with a lot of these questions. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I'm just really curious and wish for more exploration of these themes.

[cruyuu]

same anon from before here! i agree with both of your answers. i really do just hope we'll get something outside of these two being total opposites of one another... maybe reach a middle ground? it seems impossible but i'm hoping hard for it lol what do you think?

Hi anon!

Well, it's pretty hard to say. I would also really love if these two stopped being so contradictory with each other but you know what they say- Opposites attract. If they were the same, I wouldn't really enjoy their dynamic as I am right now.

Still, I get where you're coming from. It remains unsaid and yet it is so glaringly obvious, yet they can't acknowledge it because they piss each other off and hurt each other. Both of them would rather die than admit they felt anything outside of anger at the other, despite the fact that both of them do complete each other.

maybe reach a middle ground?

Well... it is not impossible, I'll tell you that. The more you pay attention to them, the more it seems like that's exactly what they need to do lol.

I still don't know what to make of this but as we progress further and further into the story, I am starting to believe that Kenjaku wanted Yuuji to be the next Sukuna. The next ideal. The next strongest. Not evil but good. To use all that strength not for himself and his ego, but for others, because Yuuji surviving can fix the problems of the society where the weak ones are shunned and plucked off. Yuuji can protect them. He wouldn't fight to show off his strength, unlike the jujutsu sorcerer of history (Sukuna), but would use it for good.

Basically, if Yuuji survives he can be the change of the entire jujutsu society, so to speak. He could be an example to teach everyone that strength comes from protecting the weak, protecting humanity, and not just for status.

That would put him as an antithesis of Sukuna, a complete opposite of him and that ending can work for me.

Loneliness as strength - Sukuna

Companionship as strength - Yuuji

Still, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm discrediting the middle ground approach because it would truly change everything.

There's the weak and there's the strong. There's the selfish and there's the selfless. Humans are dual by nature. Each of us have the good and the bad. Each of us are both selfish and selfless. We're not just a single emotion, we embody a lot of others. Just like how Sukuna isn't entirely evil, Yuuji isn't entirely good.

Sukuna ate his brother just because he wanted to live and now the same fate is creeping up on Yuuji. If he wants to live, then Sukuna must die. You could say that is Sukuna's route all over again, except less brutal and guided by moral views. But history will repeat. Considering that we know that curses can reincarnate, who's to say Sukuna won't come back wearing someone else's body in the future? If his twin brother managed to be reincarnated than that must mean that Sukuna might too.

So would it be a satisfactory ending? Depends on the way you view it. The only positive thing is that Yuuji might die of old age but maybe Sukuna can reincarnate even before that so it's truly up for debate.

In fact, I do think that them reaching a middle ground would be a totally fitting ending. Making both of them acknowledge the faults within themselves that they're trying to ignore. Yuuji doesn't want to die, and neither does Sukuna, yet instead of co-existing, they're forced to kill each other because they think it's the only way. They don't want to meet in the middle because they look at each other in black/white. Yuuji sees Sukuna as evil and just evil and Sukuna sees Yuuji as good and just good.

Yet against others... they continually acknowledge the other sides of them. They acknowledge their differing viewpoints and everything. Look at all their fights against others and then take a look at when they're fighting each other. It's hilarious really. Like Yuuji keeps assimilating everyone into his found family (which are people who wanted him dead) and yet won't acknowledge Sukuna nor try to change his mind and Sukuna keeps praising everyone who dies against him yet won't praise someone who survives (Yuuji) even though he should, really lol.

Their hands are forced against each other, even though, as we have seen time and time again, they work well together. They unconsciously match each other. They're twins basically, but they won't ever admit it lol.

Precisely because Sukuna loves to yap how he abandoned his humanity (even though he has empathy for his opponents??), and Yuuji abandoned his selfishness when taking on his grandfather's wish (even though he's taking more lives than helping at this point??). Funnily though, both of them do their best to act a total opposite to each other. I've already mentioned that in one response to an ask (and also touched upon it here).

And if they can only acknowledge this, who knows, maybe that is the real change which is necessary. But this is just my opinion. Who knows where the author will take us and what else we may get along the way. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Funniest irony of Paris Special, is that Shadybug ("evil" version of S1!Ladybug) is "less bad" that S5!Ladybug, due to fact that she is ultimately just "minion of Supreme"

"I was awful, due to Supreme threatening me into compliance. What's your excuse?" - Question that Shadybug should ask to S5!Ladybug, but didn't, due to fact that it would cause latter to look bad (and "we can't have that")

Unless I'm missing something, I don't agree with your assessment of who is the badder one here. I'm assuming S5!Ladybug is getting the "bad" label for keeping everything a secret from Adrien? If so, then I get why that upsets you, but Shadybug is a domestic terrorist or possibly even a domestic and international terrorist. In the grand scheme of things, terrorism ranks much higher than lying to/keeping secrets from your significant other no matter how bad the lie/secret is. I love Adrien, but he is not more important than the safety of every person in Paris.

If I'm wrong and you were instead talking about S5!Ladybug keeping Gabriel's status a secret from Paris? Then I still don't agree. That's not worse than terrorism, especially since I don't even think that Ladybug was clearly in the wrong there.

I disagree with her telling people that Gabriel was some sort of hero - I would have just labeled him an "unfortunate victim" - but the threat is neutralized. Paris is safe. Is the general public really owed the full details of how it happened?

It's a complex question and I fall on the side of protecting the innocent here. Gabriel is dead. Outing him to everyone will just hurt Adrien. I've actually written and will write fics where Gabriel lives, but is neutralized, so he's still not outed because Paris isn't owed the fine details. Perhaps in the idealistic world we see at the end of season five this sort of grand reveal would be a good idea, but in a more realistic world, it would probably blow up in Adrien's face and possibly even force him to give up being a hero due to unwanted public attention. In order to protect him and the secrets of the miraculous, I am totally cool with Gabriel facing justice via non-conventional means. This is probably extra true because I'm not a big fan of punitive justice, so I try to find paths other than traditional jail when dealing with my villains.

I will possibly feel differently about all of the above if season six introduces Gabriel Agreste day or something, but the universe was rewritten by the wish, so maybe Marinette thinks that Gabriel really was a hero? Who knows. Canon is dead to me and, either way, active terrorism is still worse than Gabriel being posthumously seen as a hero.

In your ask you say that Shadybug was "just a minion," but that's not an excuse. If someone hands you a weapon and orders you to hurt another human being, the fact that you were "just obeying orders" doesn't undo the harm you cause by obeying the order. Those things still happened and they happened because of you.

There can be nuance to this depending on context, but that's kind of the problem with making these grand statements about the Paris special: we don't know anything about that other world. We don't know if Emonette has loving parents. We don't know how long she's been working for The Supreme. We don't know if she's been indoctrinated since childhood to obey the Supreme or if he operates from the shadows and she didn't know that he existed until she got her Miraculous. We don't even know what she's done! She could have killed millions! She could have also done nothing but chase after Betterfly. Without a full picture of what her life was like and what she's done, we cannot say that Shadybug is clearly the better person. I'm also having a hard time picturing any context that would lead me to give her that label. She might have a worse life than canon Marinette, but her crimes are still hers.

If you're making the argument that Emonette is more sympathetic than S5!Ladybug, then I might agree as her situation does have the potential to be far more sympathetic than Marinette keeping a massive secret from Adrien, especially when that secret has the potential to cause him very real harm. But that's not a case of our Marinette being worse than Emonette. Emonette is still a terrorist, making her the one who is irrefutably causing the most harm. We just don't see that harm on screen because it would undermined her frankly lackluster redemption.

Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy the Paris special, I'm just saying that it only works because we never have to think too hard about what Shadybug and Claw Noir have actually done. Their minimal screentime keeps them pretty tame and allows their redemptions to mostly work. If we'd spent five seasons watching them terrorize people, then their redemptions would probably have felt as lackluster as Gabriel's did.

Because we don't have all of that context, the emo versions fall into the same category as PV Felix: they're so underdeveloped that they're more of a concept than a true character, so you can imagine them as wonderful or as terrible as you would like them to be. They will never be marred by the prolonged influence of the writing staff. If we had a show that starred them, then you would probably feel very differently because it's the same writing staff writing them. I don't see a world in which these two are magically leagues better than what we got in canon.

All of this is reminding me of that excellent Eddie Izzard bit where he talks about horrific, large-scale crimes being so outside of what most people's minds can fathom that they just kind of go, "Oh, well, that's, huh..." because it's easier to know how to react to smaller, more personal wrongs:

[kadextra]

I’ve read quite a lot of orv over the past few weeks when I could, adding onto this long post as I went on so….. here we go!!

(warning major super ultra mega spoilers)

previously

-

Starting with the fight between dokja & joonghyuk during “a story that can’t be shared” episode.

At first after reading that battle I was really confused of what yjh’s intentions were, I’m gonna be honest. 😭 did he really want to kill dokja or not, or was it a plan he and sooyoung cooked up? that’s what it sounded like when they talked about it so??? why did he start smacking the fourth wall?? I had to read this part multiple times, and even look up interpretations on the internet that night to understand it. but I finally did! :3

dokja was just an incredibly unreliable narrator there, that’s why it was challenging to figure out yjh’s true motivations. dokja normally is unreliable so that’s normal, he thinks he understands people better than he actually does. and his mind was also in an even worse state after consuming that Eden good and evil fruit & practically losing it when he thought sooyoung died

joonghyuk never wanted to actually kill him- he had read the record of 1863rd turn, and the fight was all because he wanted to know the truth if dokja had given up on them & the 3rd round. if dokja did, then joonghyuk was prepared to give it up too (meaning: die. kdj didn’t even realize that was happening)

thankfully joonghyuk got the answer to the question he wanted, he didn’t die, he will live and reaffirmed himself as a “former regressor”. ough <3 he knocked dokja out and was attacking the fourth wall in hopes he could break through it and learn more of dokja’s thoughts.

very cool and emotional fight overall!!!!! reread it like 8 times I enjoyed figuring it out

-

And then I cried.

That whole goodbye conversation between dokja and sangah was beautiful…. so wistful about what things could have like been for all of them in another world…. and how even if things don’t go the way you expect, you have to live. at the end of the day everything is all about love… T_T I love her

then it came in with the double whammy of tears with THIS

HE WAS CRYING!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭 AND IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY 😭😭😭😭😭

-

The kaizenix scenario starting had me giggling and incredibly entertained because PRINCE RICARDO is here!!!! literally sat there laughing in total disbelief at the sudden reincarnation fantasy story that came out of left field 😭 help my orv changed genres

laughter abruptly stops

wtf

the party members have already spent several years in this place before dokja got here and they all lost their egos after being weathered away by the march of time, hopelessly waiting for him? 🙂 heewon and hyunsung forgot each other??? that scene absolutely tore my heart out. pls do not separate them. SOOYOUNG WAS THERE FOR 50 YEARS! CRAZY! she wrote a novel too. ended it the same as twsa🥲

“It’d been better if I sacrificed myself instead” kim dokja you better shut up

but at least everything turned out well in the end for this arc so I am happy :,)

-

And the good and evil war started!! I watched the resident problem son go home and visit his parents- the literal gods of the underworld! (I love that this whole thing between these three has happened)

ofc dokja had his parents gossip about his love life there too

💀💀AKDJFKFLGLRNWKFKGKAJEDM I CANR BREATHE

but the reveal that it was Hades who discovered dokja from the very beginning and watched him together with Persephone. they really loved and wanted to adopt him all along didn’t they, best mom and dad for our prince 🥹 and even though dokja has hated the constellations, he cares about them and doesn’t want those two to disappear aughfhghghgh.

-

HEEWON UNLOCKING HER CHAOS JUDGE FORM AND MURDERING TONS OF DEMON KINGS AFTER LEE HYUNGSUNG’S SACRIFICE. “Sympathy? Utterly disgusting.” SHAKING. EDGE OF MY SEAT. I love you jung heewon 💖 she is so cool and my eyes are leaking 😭

after that whole mess finally the entire Kim Dokja’s Company has assembled together again including an unconscious lee hyunsung but at least he’s not dead like I fully believed for a hot minute <3

naturally though they can’t have good things and the apocalypse dragon revived anyways against their best efforts, because the seekers of the end are all a bunch of insane people. that thing is powerful enough to kill constellations with a flick of its tail 💀

mom and dad came to help <3 but I got really anxious reading because everybody by this point was exhausted or hurt too badly or to block the third wave.

I had no clue how they’d resolve this chaotic situation it was not looking good

it was looking so bad in fact,

KIM DOKJA. PULLING THIS AGAIN

WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU LIKE THIS SIR

it’s always in situations where I know he has to do it or literally everybody horribly dies but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it!!!!!! (that’s a lie I was super hyped) still. grabs him with my fists.

Going to ramble a bit here, but the way orv introduces new concepts is so natural and interesting. from the walls, to how stories can talk to you, now to the existence of “chaos” as the void/between of good & evil. it’s the first time I have been hearing this term explained in the story, yet it feels like it’s always been a fact, because it connects so well to what I already know. like of course the outer gods are beings originated from chaos, what else would they be? chaos in mythology was the origin state it makes total sense

being the demon king of salvation means to save people no matter what…… screams cries throws up

“That man is the world I wish to save” BLEW ME AWAY. such a hard line oh my goodness. I love you jung heewon 💖

and all the monologues from dokja in the void space between the indescribable distance and apocalypse dragon, slowly withering away but holding onto life because he wants to live 😭 he sacrificed himself, but it’s different this time because he asked to be saved. he took that action while putting full faith in his companions to do their best to save him. he wants to live. “will to live” even became a stigma 🥲 I can’t do this

-

Son Wukong my guy finally descended into the scenario and its as epic as I always hoped, hayoung was so smart for that. the monkey king himself helped fight off the fog clones and made a way for the trio go save dokja, so awesome. heewon boosting the other two forward, and sooyoung finally boosting joonghyuk.

joonghyuk following the fragments of dokja’s broken star in the pitch black darkness was an incredibly beautiful imagery for a scene, I saw it vividly it makes me want to draw it so bad. and the stuff yjh was desperately thinking during that got me teary eyed, of course. all I do while reading this story is get emotional damaged

but before yoo joonghyuk could reach dokja, someone else reached him first.

honestly felt my heart freeze over while reading that part.

but LETS GOOOOOOOOO FINALLY secretive plotter reveal!! I’ve been waiting for this for so long!!! It’s not future dokja, it’s future joonghyuk!!! :D I’d kinda suspected it to be him ever since the 1863rd round happened tbh so this feels great

I really enjoyed their fight, secretive plotter is insanely strong even with a time limit and was toying with joonghyuk, but joonghyuk never gave up and pulled out all his power to try and save dokja. in the end he was defeated but that was an amazing fight to see

sadly the group is without their beloved dokja again, not because he died this time but because he’s kidnapped 😔 man if it’s not one thing it’s something else, I feel so bad for them

-

and that is currently where I am! the most recent stuff I had read last night, just in time for me to see the webtoon adapt dkos death this morning. haha happy dkos death day 🎉🫡💥🎊🥲

I’m pondering a lot on the reveals in these chapters, some things still don’t feel fully answered to me so I’ll have more to say soon when I continue reading. VERY excited can’t wait to know more :D

[phantoms-lair]

A Wolf Among Thieves part 2

Okay, Vajlean wasn't going to be useful here, so the only ones he'd have left to ask was the kids. Something he had expressly NOT wanted to do.

He'd said more than once they were naïve. He'd come to realize it wasn't that they were ignorant of how the world worked, they knew better than most. It was that they refused to accept it so long as they were alive to change it. But in the end they were still kids and they could be naïve enough to not question certain things. Like what being a Persona User could mean.

Zenkichi vividly remembered the first half of his trip into the Kyoto Jail. It was terrifying, ducking around pillars and knowing being seen would mean death. And how he moved just like in the real world. Then when Valjean awakened it changed, he was jumping onto roofs and practically teleporting behind cover like it was second nature. None of the kids had taught him how to do that, just like swinging that giant sword it came naturally.

He had been changed, remade to adapt to the Metaverse. And he had been carefully not thinking about if that followed in the real world. That more than his outlook had changed, that he was now something not quite human. Something other. And the last thing he'd wanted was this hanging over the kids. But he had to know...

Kurusu picked up immediately. "Everything okay, Wolf?" His voice in full Joker mode.

"I was just wondering something. After you awoke to Arsène did anything...weird happen to you."

The other side of the line was quiet for a moment. "I started traveling into the depth of Tokyo's collective subconscious so I could chide some peoples repressed feelings and combat other ones using my rebellious spirit as a mystical weapon. I also went directly in the minds of some of the most evil people I've ever met in order to steal a part of their soul that was making them into twisted bastards in the first place, then selling it for cash at a pawn shop so we could further fund supplies for our exploits. I escaped jail by pulling a trick with reality so the assassin posing as my teammate shot the memory of me being in my cell instead of my actual self. I have killed at least three gods, the first one by taking the offered power of everyone I'd helped and turning it into a fallen angel with a gun. The personification of Hope lives in my room and for reasons unbeknownst to me or him is trapped in the form of a cat. He can also turn into a bus. My friends and I were brought into the Metaverse for a Dance Off that Lavenza thinks I don't remember, but I totally do."

"Okay, okay. Point taken. I should have specified. I didn't mean weird events. I meant like, weird with your body."

"Is this a puberty talk? Because I can assure you I know about the birds and the bees-"

"Not that!" Thank GOD Akane wasn't home. "Look, I got into a bar fight tonight. The fight itself wasn't important, but while I was fighting I started healing, like I do in the Metaverse when I'm not in a Fury. And it's not just the injuries I got during the fight. All the little everyday cuts and bruises are gone and I am doing my best not to freak out, but I am very much freaking out." He could hear Morgana's voice in his head telling him to get it together, just like his first foray into the Metaverse. It didn't help then and it wasn't helping now.

"I haven't noticed anything like that, but none of the rest of us have regenerative abilities like yours." Kuruso said gently and despite himself Zenkichi felt himself calming down ever so slightly. "I know some people who might be able to give us answers. Igor would definitely know, but he's more of a 'you don't call him, he calls you' guy, so he might take a while to find. Lavenza I can get to, she may not know all the answers, but she should know something. We'll find you answers."

"Thank you. And sorry, for falling apart on the phone." Zenkichi said sheepishly.

"It's not a problem, you're one of us now, and we look after our own." Because no one else would was unsaid.

~

Zenkichi was having dinner with Akane when his phone buzzed. He felt a bit guilty for the quick glance he took at it, but he did work a job where people's lives could depend on his response time.

Have some answers. Den tonight.

"Work?" Akane asked with a bit of disdain. "Just an informant updating me on his progress." He assured her. "Nothing worth interrupting dinner for." Not to mention said informant and his crew would rake him over the coals if he didn't spend enough time with his daughter. Those kids...

Still the Den though. Zenkichi had mixed feelings on the place. It was perfect for their purposes. He just hated how much the location shouldn't exist.

It had apparently manifested during the Yaldaboath incident. A small corner of the metaverse that had attuned to the Phantom Thieves, almost like a one room palace (even if it was a very big room). It had vanished with the rest of the metaverse after that incident had ended, but Sophie had gotten the idea if her 'sister' Emma had managed to have so much control of the metaverse, she could manage one location.

Because it worked like a Jail, all they had to do was enter the passcode and they'd be taken there, regardless from where in Japan they were, and be returned to the same spot. It helped with him in Kyoto, most of the kids in Tokyo, and Sophie who knew where. Incredible convenient, but it gave him the heebie jeebies.

Once Akane was asleep he took out his phone. "For one so desperate for answers, you certainly fear them." His golden eyed reflection said mockingly.

Zenkichi certainly regretted his desperate attempt to talk to his persona. Not only had it not gotten him anything, but Valjean seemingly took it as an invitation to chat with him whenever he saw his reflection which was...annoying (Even if his commentary during boring meetings was hilarious). Still, Zenkichi ignored him and pulled up the custom EMMA-like interface. "Name: Thieves' Den Passcode: I am Thou."

His house dissolved around him and he found himself in the bright red room. But at the same time his heart sank. He'd expected to find Kurusu. And the leader of the Phantom Thieves was there - along with every other member.

So much for not worrying them.

"Hey Gramps," Sakamoto gave him a tiny salute. He was in his Phantom Thief attire with him mask up around his forehead. Most of them were, save Takamaki who was wearing a school uniform.

It seemed strange to him how she didn't actually like her outfit. She'd grown used to it, but didn't think it was cool, the way the others Including him felt about their attire. Had she just gotten so used to being seen as a sex object between her modeling work and Kamoshida's advances that that's how she saw herself even if she hated it.

He'd suggest therapy, but apparently the last time one of these kids tried therapy the therapist had turned himself into a god and tried to rewrite reality into his own Utopia, so that was probably out.

What even was his life?

"So answers?"

"Well, Igor continues his streak of not being there when I need him." There was no mistaking the frustration in his tone. "But Lavenza told me what she could, and we've been running some experiments."

"I could not participate in the experiments as I have no body outside the metaverse, so I helped compile the data." Sophie said brightly.

The kids had been experimenting on themselves?

"So according to Lavenza, awakening to a Persona sort of grants you a dual citizenship in the Metaverse. That's why it's easier for us to navigate after an awakening. We count as a local for all intents and purposes. Also our Personas being a part of us mean we're intrinsically connected."

"It's harder to tell for the mot part with we who have only one persona," Niijima stated. "But Akira's wildcard ability showed that what we do and how we train our bodies does effect our Personas, so it made sense for the reverse to be true."

"We also learned that being a Persona user doesn't automatically make you heal faster, though wounds healed in the metaverse would stay healed in our reality." Sakura continued. "So in an emergency we could use magic in the metaverse to heal a serious injury without the need for a hospital."

"Passive healing isn't common, but I do have some Persona's with a Regenerate ability. When I equipped them, I noticed the fast healing you mentioned did seem to effect me. So it's likely that you do have a variant for ValJean's ability and can heal yourself through fighting. You also probably have the reverse, but I'd prefer you didn't use it as we don't have access to healing magics outside the cognitive world."

"Don't worry, I have no plans to test out if I can tear myself apart in the real world." Because at this point he was honestly just going to assume he could and avoid it.

"Other than emotionally" He reflection snarked back.

You know what? "Also do you guys know how to keep you persona from snarking at you? ValJean's gotten kind of mouthy."

He got several blank looks in return.

"ValJean talks to you? Regularly?" Okumura ventured.

"Is that...? I'm guessing from your looks that's not normal?"

"My Persona only spoke to me when it first awakened." Takamaki looked around, as if confirming this with everyone else.

"The same with mine." Kitagawa nodded.

"Johana was a bit..." Niijima winced . "'I see you've found you're justice, pray do not loose sight of it again.'" She quoted. "I felt like I'd disappointed my mom. I have a hard time imagining just being able to chat with her."

"For real?" Sakamoto looked surprised. "Cap was cool. Told be since my name was already mud, I might as well let loose and wreck havoc. I'd love to have the chance to actually talk with him."

"Zenkichi, under what circumstance did ValJean start talking to you?" Morgana inquired thoughtfully.

"I wanted to ask him about the healing thing. But since it turns out Personas only know what the human they come from knows, he had zilch. And then he never shut up." Zenkichi rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Kurusu of all people looked surprised. "I always got the impression Arséne knew a lot he wasn't telling me. Maybe it's another wildcard thing?"

Sakamoto snorted. "Dude I think it's a you thing. When you're on you give this aura like you have all the answers and hold all the cards. And Arséne's a part of you so...yeah. I think you just played yourself, man."

While the rest of the Phantom Thieves laughed at the bewildered look on their leader, Morgana looked thoughtful. "It makes a certain amount of sense." Morgana allowed, tail twitching. "Personas are part of one's cognition and as such can be shaped by our perceptions. None of us had a persona talk to us outside an awakening, so we assumed just talking to a persona wasn't a thing that could happen. After all, we had accepted that part of us into ourselves. Zenkichi, you to at least some degree saw ValJean as a separate entity, at least enough to assume he'd know something you didn't. You expected him to be able to respond and because of that he was."

"Of course once he did respond that was it. Talking to him became part of your cognition of him. No putting that genie back in the bottle."

"Great." Zenkichi glared at his golden eyes reflection.

"It is not my fault you are ever the agent of your own undoing." ValJean grinned back.

"Having to listen to you forever is a hell of a price tag for admission into the Phantom Thieves." Zenkichi groused.

"Don't be silly, Valjean's not why you got in." Sakura snorted.

"He isn't?" Zenkichi was at least slightly satisfied to see his persona just as poleaxed. "I asked if it was that simple and you said yes."

"Oh, is that what you meant? Then the answer is no, becoming a Phantom thief is NOT as simple as awakening a Persona." Takamaki clarified.

"Yeah Gramps, thought you knew. You were a Phantom Thief before you entered that dungeon." Sakamoto laughed.

"I was?" If anything Zenkichi was even more confused.

"Get out of there. Run." Kurusu said the words calmly, unlike how he had yelled them the night Akane had been taken. "Those words. That moment."

"Please understand, we wanted to trust you before then." Niijima apologized. "But you're not the first member of 'law enforcement' to demand a deal. And they've never intended to keep their end not even....not even Sis." She clenched her fists, remember a Christmas morning she'd thought be filled with hope instead be replaced with anger and betrayal. "The intention was always for us to end up caged, dead or both."

"So by the time you showed up to blackmail us, we knew anyone working with the authorities was absolutely not to be trusted." Okumura further explained, which really made her 'We hate cops' attitude all the more understandable.

"But that moment was a line in the sand. You could sacrifice us for your career, All you had to do was nothing and you'd be set for life. A false hero for the country to praise." Kurusu continued to explain. "But instead you sacrificed your career for us. You gave warning, ruining your career and taking our place in interrogation." He locked eyes with Zenkichi who was suddenly and forcefully reminded that Joker knew what being on the wrong side of that table was like. Knew more than the others exactly the treatment Zenkichi would expect. "In that moment you had to choose if you were with us or them. And that is when you became a Phantom Thief."

Zenkichi felt a lump in his throat. "I just did was right."

"Exactly." said Sakura. "Exactly."

ValJean laughed. "Did the children not just tell you they have little to no experience with adults doing 'what was right' by them. You have their trust and you have earned it fairly."

He'd earned it. And to be honest that felt a little better than getting his place on the team because he had a Persona.

"So you've been keeping u with your cooking, right? What did you make for Akane for dinner tonight." Okumura's words were friendly, but her eyes were sharp with challenge. Kurursu had also sat up straighter, waiting for his response.

Those damn kids. His damn kids.

His?

Okay, he could deal with this revelation later. Right now he had to defend himself in the court of cooking

~~~~

Honestly the original idea for this fic came from the P5 manga where the theives are playing cards and Joker keeps winning until one of the team accuses him of having a high-luck Persona equipped.

And if that carried over, why not other things? Like Zenkichi healing while he's fighting as long as he isn't using Fury

[nayruwu]

I feel same way about ons as you :') I got into it because of gureshin it's been long since I already lost interest alas. I was wondering what do you think of characters like guren shinoa mika & krul? I really liked them back then but now I'm really disappointed with how author wrote them since past few years & weirdly fandom still tries to act as if nothing wrong with them but "people didn't read correctly"

hello!! :D

i'm sorry that so many others seem to be suffering the same way i am, but it's also a little reassuring. at least we're not alone in our misery.

and i think answering your question will be quite fun!

well guren, obviously i love guren. he's so sad and pathetic and tired and broken he's like a wet cat. the way he loves, the way he does terrible things and hates himself for it but does it anyway because he knows he has no other choice, it's so intriguing and painful. i love it. there's aspects that bother me when reading the novels, like when i cannot for the life of me grasp why he is doing what he's doing, or when he's being an arrogant asshole. but then i read the paragraphs my friends have written about him and love him with my whole heart again. i think they called it blorbo-in-law, that fits it quite well.

but i feel like i need to mention, i totally get why people got so mad with him recently. the way it was handled with the kids just immediately forgiving him again after one word was just... not good. i wasn't kidding when i said i wanted him to be more evil. it was a lot more exciting when him and mahiru first started that "let's betray everyone" stizzle and we weren't sure if he was actually going to harm anyone. it was serious, oh the suspense! now he's just our friend guren again. let him go batshit insane. please. he's not a saint, and he doesn't need to be.

at this point the only one i can trust to truly judge and be mad at him for more than half a panel is shinya. and that's a little odd. also he's currently in eeby deeby.

ohh shinoa! i used to like her a lot. it's only natural, i guess, since she is so similar to shinya. i always thought her to be a less extreme version of him - shinoa was also trained to be numb and hide herself behind jokes and smiles, but she seems to retain more of her emotions than he does. she's scared of dying, she's not much of a killing machine, and she is very much capable of developing actual romantic feelings for someone. wow, shinoa!

now, the problem is the toxic view of love that mahiru drilled into her head, and how the story will adress that, if at all. i don't mind her crush on yuu, it's her proof of not being dead inside or worthless or meant to be alone. but the way she acts on it is quite selfish. she's taking after her sister a little too much for my liking lately. "i will get yuu back, even if i have to kill mikaela to do it", alright miss mini mahiru. chill.

i would very much like someone to drill some sense into her head.

as for mika, he was my favourite for quite some time. i'm afraid i can't speak on him anymore, though, since he's kinda wiggled himself out of my field of interest. younger me would be going insane over his angel self... but now, i actually don't have anything to say about him. he exists. he's a massive scapegoat. i wish we could have seen him bond with shinoa squad.

krul is great solely because she's somehow the only female character who doesn't have a crush on some guy. hooray for vampirism! i don't have that many thoughts on her either, but i do adore her. she treated mika fairly well, she acted against vampire laws, she was more trustworthy than others. and god, that chapter where she was turned into a vampire was so awful, i loved it. more of an ashera-perspective probably, but still! as i've mentioned, i'm not a fan of her and all the black demons having been angels before, so i can't bring myself to look forward to their reunion as much as i used to. but i'd still like to see it.

[37q]

a conch's voice

kinda crazy... every time i want to do something, im like, would that have killed tyler? i wanted to vagueblog abt something just now but i thought, wow, any traumatized individual could read this as a threat on their life.

skrrrt, strolling down my eerily straight and smooth memory lane.

grand scale i always struggled with my personal impression -- what some would consider a classic audhd fight to be "understood" -- on my social world. perfect transing conditions of course, but no trans person mediates their relationship with "viewability" the same.

2011-2015/16 i was Big blogging as some persona that was abt as "real" as "i" could get. so much tsongkhapa and deleuze and baudraillard and butler yet i was still invested in mapping out who i was and how i wanted to enact that. flying by the seat of her pants as an adolescent / young adult with more self awareness than she could use! after a few too many pints of spilled blood in trying to reconcile the authenticity of those two selves with the oversized feedback loop i dug myself into, i realized the precision was the problem for me.

im very gullible. specifically, when im not working conscientiously i easily lose sight of who i am, my goals, the whole shebang. memory things, dissociation things... for a long time basic low self esteem things. i would much ratherve been someone else, and its easy to type myself into cognitive tension with my past! queen behavior was to distort how i express my feelings for maximum positive engagement and tie their psychological merit to their discursive application in the field.

2016/17 is when my endeavors failure hit me though, and the hobbsons choice was imminent -- (a) aim for total accuracy, put your whole ass out their for it to be minced and composted, blur the lines between your sense of self and your social milieu or (b) disappear, evade semiotic capture, obfuscate the publicity of human connection. razor thin or ocean wide.

2013/14-2016, the size of my voice broadening my audience to unacquainted bad faith or irrational actors, hitting its apex when i was peak suicide risk. i got too tired of broadcasting distant vibrations from a bleeding shell, singing of a depth unfathomable to our context, a stranger to my own ears. i was being so honest, but that truth looked evil in stage lighting.

so 2017-18 i consolidated my digital footprint and pulled back on the accuracy of embodying and expressing my sense of self, concurrent with psychiatric ego death during institutionalized dual recovery programs. i couldnt even think or write directly for a long time after that... weird to say it outright like that but my meds help me be honest with myself. no creation, no outlet, and no intention, but a lot of tripping and falling.

2018-2021/22 i carried myself with a sincere love and detached interpersonal expertise that lent itself to elevated aphorism. connected when i could and wanted to, extended and sought out support, found peers and explored new ways of life. tried my best not to embody anything. left opinions as batter in my brains mixing bowl.

i dont know... this piece became harder to write the closer i got to the baggage of my current habits. and its still so fresh. nobody deserved any of this. i cant compose anymore

the obscuration was the problem this time. too much empty space to project into, and too much exhausted passivity to cut away the embers of delusion. blood, bruises, scars, mourning and grief... rampant suffering over expectations and misunderstandings...

i want to post about nothing. i want to spread my whimsy, and be misunderstood. i want people to connect my meaninglessness to their feelings, and i want them to feel good about their mundane invocation. i want to be furious, i want to be awe-inspired, i want to be giddy! i want to be vague!!!!!! i want to express myself, i want to play and sing, i want to write poetry and stories and essays and rants on my page without sending someone into a spiral about who they think i might be!!!!!!!!!!!! please let us both live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[perpetual-help]

Hello, I am someone who has not considered themselves a Christian for quite some time, but as an adult I decided to do an actual deep dive (study scripture, read theory) to see what I think and whether I feel anything. I agree with almost all of Jesus' teachings, in fact I think Jesus is an incredible person and I have no problems with him at all. It's God I take issue with.

As a practicing Christian, how do you feel about all the objectively terrible things God has done? Like killing all the first born sons of the Egyptians. Like even if everyone adult in Egypt were terrible people, what did the children and babies do that could justify God just killing them? Especially since they wouldn't go to heaven since they weren't believers. Like I get that a lot of what God thinks and does would be totally beyond our comprehension, like ants trying to understand the human mind. I just can't in good conscience worship a god that is supposed to be perfect but is clearly not. This is in good faith and I genuinely want to know how you feel about this.

Before I answer the Exodus question specifically, I’d just like to clarify that even if God did kill any of us for any reason, it would not be considered evil. It IS evil for any one of us to murder another, but this is because, when we as humans engage in killing, we rob a person of their God-given life. God-given is the keyword here. All life is created by and consequently belongs entirely to God. As such, it is His right to deem when and how any of us might perish. On that note, it would be well within God’s capabilities and right to say “none of you are worth it” and eradicate all of us, but He doesn’t. That simple fact, in and of itself, stands witness to the long-suffering Love Our Creator extends to us every single day we sin against Him. Not only that, but He loved us to the point of suffering and death on a cross.

God’s Nature is such that no evil can exist within it. This has always been the case. He did not suddenly change from one God into another. He has always been and always will be a Loving, Merciful, and Just God. Everything that happens to us in this world is according to His hidden Justice. This is true and evident in the Old Testament (where He promised us a Savior despite our disobedience towards Him) and the New Testament (where He has given us His only begotten Son.)

As for how I feel about what took place in the Old Testament, the answer is confident in the Goodness and Justice of God. I’ve learned that the Old Testament is a compilation of historical literature written so that the people of the time would understand. There are many parts that weren’t meant to be taken literally. If we look at passages that talk about God “hardening the heart” of the pharaoh, etc, given what has been revealed to us since this was written, it makes more sense that God actually withdrew His graces from pharaoh and the Egyptian people so that they would feel the consequences of their disobedience and sin. I feel this is a startling, but much-needed reminder that every sin we commit is felt by the whole; and there is no action we commit, be it virtuous or sinful, that does not ultimately effect the entire body.

I’m glad to know you’re reading scripture and I hope you continue to do so! You may find it helpful to use a Bible study guide, especially with the passages in the Old Testament. I’m sorry for the lateness of my response, but I hope this satisfied the question. God bless you. I’ll be praying for you on your journey. ❤️

[rubber-ball-core67]

Okay, I don’t really want to get into this but I feel like I’ll explode if I don’t say anything. So, this is a very heavy dump- scroll if overly-political things and homophobia bother you please-

Anyway, this is basically a long winded, unneeded explanation on why a dumb ahh anime made me realize how poor my relationship with my parents is.

Since I was “old enough” to be around politics I guess, the adults in my family had to problem being very open about their opinions. I remember being 9 and hearing these hateful things about queer people (and some stereotyping things). It severely impacted how I saw these people, without fully understanding what was happening around me.

‘How does this tie into an anime?’

I remember first watching AOT with my brother when I was younger. I think only season 1 or 2 was out by then. We dropped it even though I wanted to continue- it was ‘too gory’- which is totally understandable. Anyway, when I picked it back up and got to the Marley arc, I remember thinking how I couldn’t relate to Connie trying so hard to get his mother back to normal. I have an old writing in my notes app, so I’ll just write that here.

I think I realized my issues when I couldn’t understand why Connie would do something drastic for his mother. I just can’t get it. Why would he do that? I’ve never really seen my mother (or father really) as someone to look up to. I never got why they were “above” me. They’re a human, right? Why do I need to obey everything some other human says because they slept together. I was a “surprise child.” (They said that to me.) God, it’s so gross. I know it’s not exactly in her story, but I think that’s another reason I relate to Gabi. I was told that the “bad guys”, or queer people to me, are bad even though that’s what I am. I used to be such a hateful person against so many people because of what I overheard. I just understand being a young girl, especially one surrounded by propaganda. I’m not saying would shoot, kill, and brag about killing a queer person, but I remember thinking that they were evil. It makes me so upset to think that I ever had that mindset.

I wrote that before even finishing it. It’s over a YEAR OLD.

I know it’s probably bad taste to post this on Election Day, but I have a video from this Halloween of my parents being so political that I had to take the bowl from them and give the kids candy myself. Afterwards, I sat outside (right behind them AND NEIGHBORS) and cried. I had tears running down my face and was sniffling. They didn’t notice. The most I got was “Do you want to go inside?” Until I HAD to look at my father. All he said was “Are you crying?” then nothing else. I went inside and sobbed more.

Literally today I had to turn my music up so loud that I was visibly cringing out how loud it was. I could still hear whatever my mother was watching.

Anyway, enjoy these photos from Halloween.

[catgirl-kaiju]

fuck all of y'all. i'm not making a death threat in this. i'm saying that you are a person who deserves death if you keep clinging to this hateful franchise. but that is an ACTIVE CHOICE to keep engaging with it. You could just not. i'm literally asking you to do nothing as opposed to something. find something else to engage with, and I have no problem with you. the fact that you would rather continue to support fascists is telling, and i want people that enable fascism to die just as much as i want fascists to die. stop twisting my fucking words to make yourself the victim when we are being killed in the streets.

and @totally-not-a-ferret YEAH get rid of your fucking legos. stop playing your fucking harry potter lego game. YOU DON'T THINK I DON'T WANT TO HAVE FUN WITH HARRY POTTER LEGOS???? I DO!! but i can't... because it hurts too much. it hurts to engage with this franchise, knowing what it represents. knowing it is a symbol of terfs. knowing it never moved past or apologized for the antisemitism and racism present since the first book. the fact that any of y'all can engage with this franchise without feeling a deep pit of grief and fear in your stomach is a huge privilege and, frankly, disgusts me.

jkr and the other creators involved in the franchise have only doubled down on these problems. I would play this new hp game if it wasn't antisemitic, if jkr wasn't a vicious transphobe, and if the studio wasn't riddled with gamergate chucklefucks.

Jkr can stop being a terf. harry potter can stop being antisemitic and racist. harry potter fans can stop being fans of harry potter. BUT WE CAN'T STOP BEING TRANS, even if we WANTED TO (and i sure as fuck don't want to). Y'ALL get to choose how you spend your time, money and attention.

@hilplusterrorss is right on the money here.

i'm fucking TERRIFIED rn, and i'm done being civil as we go down the road towards a trans genocide in this new Lavender Scare. and i think it's worth acknowledging that trans women, in particular, are the primary targets of this. y'all can't possibly know how fucking scared i am. i'm not going to be kind to people who support a system and an ideology that wants me dead.

fuck you @honestlygoodlord for implying i'm just as bad as someone who wants me dead for living while trans when i just want people to stop making the choice to support a symbol of hate directed at me and others and to die if they don't. i feel the same way about hp fans that i feel about fascists because they are enabling fascism. y'all look the other way as we suffer and get murdered, and that is unforgivable.

evil thrives in a world that looks the other way.

even more than ever, i'm endorsing that every person who is still an active harry potter fan and is reading the books, watching the movies, playing the games, and/or buying the merch is a monster who will ultimately be condemned by history. i hope you carry a deep personal shame with you until you grow the fuck up and stop supporting media made by the most prominent figure in a global hate movement.

stop putting your comfort and desire to consume above the safety and well-being of trans people, jewish people, and people of color.

i grew up with this series. it's meant a lot to me over my life. my dad used to read the books to me and my sister as kids, and we continued that tradition until the last book. we went and saw the movies together as a family. we went to a book release party dressed as characters from the books. even after i came out as trans, i had a hard time letting go. i kept harry potter merchandise around with me and had a little hufflepuff keychain. but i gave that up almost a decade ago because of the harm it started to cause to me and my community. i can't engage in these stories anymore; they make me feel sick. and the realization that antisemitism, racism, misogyny, and transphobia have been a part of these stories since the beginning means that it would be wrong to try and engage with them even without financial support and even under death of the author.

harry potter is, at this point, a symbol of hate. one that makes me feel unsafe. i don't care if you, yourself, are a member of the communities affected by jkr's hate or the hate expressed in the series. you should know better if anything.

fuck you. you can't do the bare fucking minimum to support us, jewish people, or people of color and that's sad. i legitimately hope you die so that there will be one less person in the world giving support or indifference to fascists. the world would be better without you in it, as long as you refuse to let go of a series of antisemitic, racist books written by one of the most prominent and active transphobes alive today.

sincerely,

a trans woman that you are statistically likely to ignore or harass

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 424

John 1:4

UNDERSTANDING PROPHETIC MANDATES 58: FULFILLMENT OF PROPHECY 16

Amo 3:7 CERTAINLY, THE ALMIGHTY LORD DOESN'T DO ANYTHING UNLESS HE FIRST REVEALS HIS SECRET TO HIS SERVANTS THE PROPHETS. GW

Lastly, on HASTE, I want us to look at Jeremiah again.

Do you remember when God gave a prophecy that lands will yet again be bought and owned by Israelis in Canaan?

Jer 32:6-8 The LORD told me that Hanamel, my uncle Shallum's son, would come to me with the request to buy his field at Anathoth in the territory of Benjamin, because I was his nearest relative and had the right to buy it for myself. THEN, JUST AS THE LORD HAD SAID, HANAMEL CAME TO ME there in the courtyard and asked me to buy the field. SO I KNEW THAT THE LORD HAD REALLY SPOKEN TO ME. GNB

This Prophecy was [too] sure because the Lord made Jeremiah do profound Documentation like Deed of Purchase and official Receipt.

No prophecy can be surer than that, beloved.

Jer 32:10 -12 I SIGNED THE DEED, SEALED IT, HAD PEOPLE WITNESS THE SIGNING OF THE DEED, and paid out the silver. Then I took the sealed copy of the deed, containing the terms and conditions, as well as an unsealed copy. I gave the copies of the deeds to Baruch, son of Neriah and grandson of Mahseiah. I did this IN THE PRESENCE OF MY COUSIN HANAMEL AND THE WITNESSES WHO HAD SIGNED THE DEED and IN THE PRESENCE OF ALL THE JEWS who were sitting in the courtyard of the prison. GNB

Nothing should be more encouraging and exciting as a full-proof confirmation today, of a prophecy set for the future.

We should know that it isn’t wrong to ask God for reassurances.

Gen 15:7-8 And he said to him, I am the Lord, who took you from Ur of the Chaldees, to give you this land for your heritage. AND HE SAID, O LORD GOD, HOW MAY I BE CERTAIN THAT IT WILL BE MINE? BBE

When you do ask God however, ensure that it is mainly because you are plainly interested and love to know, and not that you are doubtful.

There is a world of difference.

Jas 1:5-6 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. KJV

But if you’re Hasty, problem can come with the assurance God gives you.

Jeremiah was excited about seeing and claiming the lands he had paid for, back while he was in prison.

Jer 37:12-13 So Jeremiah wanted to leave Jerusalem and go to the territory of Benjamin TO TAKE POSSESSION OF HIS PROPERTY THERE AMONG THE PEOPLE. But when he came to Benjamin Gate, the captain of the guard there, whose name was Irijah, son of Shelemiah and grandson of Hananiah, arrested the prophet Jeremiah. He said, "You're deserting to the Babylonians!" GW

Don’t get me wrong beloved. Opposition could easily have risen against Jeremiah, even if he didn’t take that journey; He was a magnet for wahala.

But then, it’s always important that one doesn’t expose himself easily to persecution, where one is already hated.

Consider Jesus again.

Joh 7:1,6-7 After this Jesus traveled throughout Galilee. HE STAYED OUT OF JUDEA BECAUSE THE JEWISH LEADERS WANTED TO KILL HIM…So Jesus replied, “My time has not yet arrived, but you are ready at any opportunity! THE WORLD CANNOT HATE YOU, BUT IT HATES ME, because I am testifying about it that its deeds are evil. NET

A Yoruba adage says: “it is foolhardy to be rubbing yourself with Palm Oil when people are planning to roast you”.

What was Jeremiah thinking, going to claim Lands at a time he himself prophesied of total Captivity and movement of all Israel to Babylon?

Apart from direct Prophecies, we all should know that certain [common] events happen about the same time.

Ecc 3:5-6 There is a time to throw weapons down and a time to pick them up. There is a time to hug someone and a time to stop holding so tightly. THERE IS A TIME TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING AND A TIME TO CONSIDER IT LOST. There is a time to keep things and a time to throw things away. ERV

Jeremiah should simply have considered any idea about owning possessions LOST!

But it is evident that he [somehow] misunderstood the details of Prophecy and rather thought that it was going to happen in his lifetime.

Shall we check out that Prophecy again please?

Jer 32:14-15 "This is what the LORD All-Powerful, the God of Israel, says: 'Take both copies of the deed—the sealed copy and the copy that was not sealed—and PUT THEM IN A CLAY JAR. DO THIS SO THAT THESE DEEDS WILL LAST A LONG TIME.' The LORD All-Powerful, the God of Israel, says, 'IN THE FUTURE my people will once again buy houses, fields, and vineyards in the land of Israel.'" ERV

Payments and signing of Deed of Purchase for the land by Jeremiah was simply symbolic and evidence for people around then.

He had nothing to do with possessing anything at that time.

One thing is to misunderstand Prophecy, another is to be hasty to do the forbidden.

Well, he never got to see that possession in his lifetime and till everything scattered, as prophesied.

May our decisions not get us into trouble with Prophetic Mandates and Times, IN JESUS NAME.

Come back on Monday, for more of this insightful and enlightening Sub-Subtopic.

Keep Shinning!

Brother Prince

Friday, October 27, 2023

08055125517; 08023904307

[emotionalsupportkelpie]

Helloooo, I just read your short story Like it's a Mad Thing (I'd it saved on my likes for a while and thought that today was a good day to give it a go, and now I'll make that your problem by leaving some unsolicited comments). --spoiler alert for other people reading this ask-- You know, it's not everyday that I read something narrated in second-person, so my first thought was "hmm strange but interesting", but then you gave me this: "We watch you invisibly from the back seat, longing to tell you: Just dump him, honey" AND OOOHHH MAN YOU GOT ME THERE like it's not an arbitrary decision, it's in second person for a reeeeaaasooonnn - I'm instantly HOOKED. It's creepy, it's scary, and I LOVE IT! Your daily life descriptions are incredibly relatable and set the mood so effectively, I was reading like "yup, yup, totally, adult life, yeah…" and then I'm hit with these little CREEPY AF lines like "We wish he never did. Someday you will too. It’s only a matter of time." aaaaaaaaaaaah and then we're back to very relatable instances of adult life and descriptions of millennial worries that are already by themselves a horror story… "Everything will be okay" - is it?????? I doubt it!! *keeps reading fervently* "You don't like spicy food" - indeed I really don't - "You could pick the pepper off, but you know that might make him feel bad. So instead you smile and eat the pizza just the way it is, chugging gulps of water after every bite" - are you in my head???? this IS ME I DO THIS (*dreading what's gonna happen in this story*) "you see us in our many forms: the hag, the witch, the devil’s vessel." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN And the boyfriend is a fucking psychoooooo (you write him beautifully, I want to see his insides, preferably on the floor). "Doesn’t he know how hard it was to get help? To start taking the pills in the first place? Doesn’t he understand you’re still learning how to love yourself, and that those pills were supposed to help get you there?" - you're in my head again, fuck I mean I was on Lexapro for some years and IT WAS VERY HARD to start taking it (harder than it was to stop when it was time in fact), everything you wrote here it's so fucking real "We only recognize someone stirring in you, and we’re waiting for her to awaken" YES LETS GO APESHIT and then I notice how I started reading this, dreading the horror part - I knew I was gonna read a horror thing but I was dreading the horror thing - but now I WANT it, I AM BLOODTHIRSTY - how did you turn these tables? you totally led me somewhere else while I wasn't looking, but I mean even the earlier comment about wanting to kill the boyfriend, I can see how you were building it now but I didn't see it while it was happening, but it makes sense!!! I'm not reading the final girl story I'm reading the monster story - I am the monster!!! and it's so good?? I'm not even scared anymore... "You find yourself rooting for us, for the mad women in all our incarnations, comforted by our presence on the screen, reassured and even inspired by our righteous anger." - YES I FUCKING DO I FUCKING AM "She’s awake." let's. fuck. shit. up. office haunting scene is super cool, very classic-horror-movie vibes. I really like this phrase: "letting the darkness become you." Boyfriend terrorizing scene is chef's kiss. "Like I’m a monster.” nooo I was wrong HE'S the monster. He's always the monster… “You should have killed him.” damn right! lol Although I feel like you sort of pulled your punch at the end (you could've gone full gore and I would've been here for it) I still like it that you ended on an unexpected lighter note :) like yeah she'll be alright, she can handle the evil by herself now (she? I? us?). Cool how you touched on the female-horror-creature subject. you did it in way that was both familiar but also surprising. You took me for a ride and I appreciated it. This story kicks ass!

Waaaahhhhh!!!!! 🥺 You're the best ever, you know that?!?! Thank you so so much!!!!!!!! Unsolicited comments, sure, but definitely not unwelcome! I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and I got a total kick out of reading all your reactions! 💙

[shadycollectivetragedy]

I'm doing my best but you gotta remember there's no cell coverage on the Island of misfit toys and years of exposure to your stupid has really throttled the download,

I am not so insensitive or oblivious as to imagine there to be value for myself, in being obstinate in the denial of what clearly has been the totality of your life's effort,

I want to help you cuz watching you struggle with the packaging is like watching a rat trying to unspring it's death trap , the hilarity of how useless and pathetic the motivation to indulge in some enjoyment in the expression of cruelty as someone's perogative , has the same shelf life that people not victims of their own narcissistic delusions, see in the idea of spending their time building these ridiculous Wile E coyote 10K component constructs whose only horror lies in recognizing the obsessive delerium fever that defines you , In the fact you built it shaking with the anticipation of success , In something no mentally I'm an insane stalker while your friends keep hitting the only button they have ,

They want me to show up unannounced at fake youse suggestion how is this right by you? I've done nothing to warrant scrutiny,

person has any interest in doing .

you got me fucked up if you think I'm doing it on purpose , but your gonna have to explain what I'm supposed to do , or say or think , so you can blow your load and have your Leonardo king of the world moment because if you start crying , I might have to kill myself in shame ,

( It's a time machine Napoleon)

I can't do what you need without a little direction , I know it takes some of the boner fuel out of the payoff when the victim of your evil genius needs help with his lines,

But I can't do everything and if you could just explain.... Give me a second to make sure I'm at the right step in the operating manual,...

Ok , right ,

So on page 7 million 856,

Right after the crushed bones of an albino tree tortoise

( don't make it too difficult or anything)

I don't understand the writing of the verification,

Before you lose your shit and all the neighbors cats start turning up decapitated ,

I'm not criticizing,

You have a lot to be proud of , there is hard work and dedication that Is evident all over your .....thing , that.... does something , uh , yeah,

Oh oh , something COOL ,

Pfff clearly , anyone can see THAT ,

Ok you know what the problem is ?

Me.

No , I swear , I'm just ,,,,, so dumb , that ...... I messed it up somehow .

You know what I think happened ?

Ok ,

Remember in step 5628,

When I was supposed to masturbate while performing a hand less head stand ?

I kept falling on account of my head being more circular as opposed to the empty square you think others in common with you , which in all likelihood , failed to summon the demon lord ,,,ahh, hold on a second,

The Demon Lord ,

Worthlesschildrapingshiteater

Without whose blessing , the soulsucification assembly , will default to the secondary hand crank activation option , which you look to have bypassed with the duck tape and , what is that ? SYRUP , ,, NICE, good thinking there , I mean most people would worry a that dumping a gallon of melted sugar into a delicate , uh , uh,

BRILLIANT , piece of , uh , uh,

HI TECH! Equipment .

So I think it's clear to see , the problem is I'm just not , uh , uh ,uh

SMART enough , to do it the right way,

Ok now Fred ? Fred?

Ok , there no need for that ,

No , no , you don't have set yourself on fire ,

No , no one wants to drag you behind their car because you can't do anything right , that's just not true ,

I told it's me ,

So ....

You pay for , suggest to or otherwise effect the intentional dishonest interest of friendship from, a random stranger , with the only intent of gaining your victims appreciation for the individual ,

Ok , ok , looks real good so far .

What ?

You kidding me ?

EVERYONE , would enjoy that , whats not to love there?

Ok , so ,, everything is still good here ,

And then when everything seems normal, you reverse the machines rotation , from

Like to hate ,

Very nice , you know a lot of people don't like how it tastes , but I'm the opposite ,

You can't put enough hate on anything bad far as I'm concerned , am I right ?

Sure ,

Ok so now we got to ,

What did I do ,

And it performed flawlessly ,

No , there's nothing odd about dedicating hundreds if not thousands of hours to support a lie with the singular intent of hurting someone's feelings,

There is no greater use of ones time ,

Ok

So

The replacement of the actual living person, with the cardboard replacement decoy,

seems to have worked fine,

And , there was no problem with the insertion of the

I'm a dirty dirty slut personally upgrade ,

And it looks like you have way more than enough ,

I HIT THE JACKPOT FUCK ME BABY response content , so

You see?

there Is nothing you did wrong building your ,,,, thing,

You know whose fault it is ?

Whoever told you I was a punk bitch, pussy mother fucker like you , lol

That's the problem .

Because the idea I would be embarrassed at the idea I thought someone attractive , desirable, interesting or sincere ,

Is confused.

As Is the idea ,that there was an audience of freak show trash , eagerly anticipating the opportunity to take enjoyment from the idea their ridicule and pleasure in seeing me face plant , is upsetting or anything that could help with my inability to pass a mirror without furiously masturbating to the sexy as mother fucker looking back at me , I mean , my god ,

I'm not the least bit gay , but , that man is a god , lol

I'm supposed to feel ,..bad ,

Because someone else is a liar ,and a thief,.... Yeah?

See I didn't know that.

And Im supposed to feel bad that other people heard my

Super secret crush feelings

Yeah ,

I don't have those lol.

You can know , lol everyone can if they care for some reason .

I adore the girl ,

Oh yeah , clearly ,

You seem to have a handle On every shameful indulgence of bad behavior on display,

Nailed it

IDC, lol

Love it , love her ,

What ?

She was going to help someone kill me ?

Yeah so ?

Do you not see the line ?

That's not people waiting for GAGA to sign thier face with a sharpie ,

They ALL WANT to kill me,

I mean if I could only adore women who weren't going to eventually fantasize about violently murdering me ,

There would be no one left to be the star of my gangbang dreams ,

And then life would have no meaning ,

To feel anything you hoped begins with the acceptance that you are not entitled to feel what you do , when others identify some expression of unhealthy ideation as the source ,

suggesting a weakness of character, or need that defines you as broken ,

You have no possible chance of that,

I'm not broken ,

I'm better.

She can insult , or ridicule , or abuse, or victimize the willingness to accept her at her word, without recognizing we're people to all agree and behave as she did ,

The terms friendship and love would have no meaning to anyone else .

You want to burn the world to ash , you want to destroy everything , because you have nothing but a empty vaccuum of negativity in your heart

So you let yourself believe what you do is the appropriate Expression of reprisal for perceived transgression , when every single thing , anyone ever does to anyone else happens to us all , and you feckless stupidity , is nothing I'd ever waste time making my responsibility to correct .

Your why people don't want to use public swimming pools ,

It's ok too piss?

Everyone does ?

So , then you intentionally jump into 10k gallons of urine for a good time,

Hmmm,

Knock yourself out shit for brains,

I can't feed you the joy in MY HEART ,

for one , the bad you hope for , gets thrown out with the stupid shit like moments in your company ,

Entirely worthless ,

So I don't keep it around lol,

and even we're that not the case ,

You want JOY stupid , there is none in someone else's sorrow , WTF is wrong with you ?

Damn Coffee is cold ,excuse me , can you put some ice cubes in my coffee , it's too cold ,

Genius

And Lastly, what good is the effort to suck the joy from someone else's life were you able to when your system operates on the antithists

YOUR SYSTEM CANT OPEN files written in joy , when there is nothing but anger and sorrow inside you ,

You can spend the rest of your entire life like the energy vampire you are , feeding endlessly , and starving to death anyways because you can't find sustenance in the good things ,

Unless it all belongs to you ,

Go away asshole ,

I've carried you long enough

[scottbblackwood]

“That’s what I do,” Scott agreed. “But I do that so none of you have to,” He added. Scott knew that if the roles were reversed, he would’ve grown wings and flown to them if he had to. Being on the other side was unbearable. He hated himself for putting the looks on all of their faces. “Ah,” Scott said, his stomach dropping to his feet when he realized just how far out of hand this had gotten. Sophie called? If Eleanor wasn’t going to kill him, then Sophie must be sharpening her knives. He wasn’t sure which was worse. “She should know better than me that this isn’t anything new. Dunno why she’d bother you with it,” He grumbled. “Once again proving me point that me honesty is a problem for you,” He said, then chuckled to himself. “Right, because these are the conditions that she’d want to—you know what?” He huffed, and put his hands up in surrender. “You got what you wanted. So let it be,” He griped, then crossed his arms. “You think I don’t know what they used to say—what they still say about her?” He spat. He felt guilty every day for not being there, for removing a piece of her armor. “This is what it’s like,” Scott replied before he could stop himself. He immediately regretted it. They got on well enough. The lights mostly stayed on, and he usually had food in his belly. He was lucky to have even that much. “Because I don’t want you to,” He countered. “That’s what I’m supposed to do,” He said, and then put a hand up before she could argue. “I just am,” He added, silently pleading for her to just let him have this one. Now, when he imagined his eternity in Hell, it was going to a whole lot like this day. “Well, you’re gonna get more of it than you’ll want to handle in about—“ He paused, looking down at this watch. “Eleven-sh hours?” He concluded. Scott was never sure how to talk about his mother. Things were easier with Ivy because she’d always known Erica. She’d grown up with a house full of Ericas. As a kid, he didn’t think Eleanor could understand. Now, it just felt too far gone to even mention. “It is,” Scott said, then heaved a heavy sigh. “Which is yet another reason why this circus didn’t need to happen,” He said confidently. “Trust me.”

“The cost of having a sexy boyfriend is that he’s gonna drive you nuts,” Isla said with a laugh. “It’s a fair trade if you ask me,” She added, then gave Eleanor’s side a little poke. “I think Scott’s gentleman enough to at least pretend that your punch really landed,” She added with a smirk. “I keep hearing all these stories about young Scott. I’m dying to figure out how to bring him to the surface,” Isla pouted. She couldn’t help but be curious about that version of Scott, the one that seemed to be a polar opposite of the one she knew. “Oh, there’s no doubt that Scotty’s intelligent,” Isla argued. “But that doesn’t mean he’s not fucking stupid,” She added with a giggle. “I mean, it’s hard to know how much of that would’ve even been true,” She agreed, shrugging. “Because it’s a who said what to them who heard this and said that to the next one, ya know?” She said. “And besides, what really matters is the person you know. So long as they’re not like—a secret evil person or whatever,” She chuckled. “I can’t say that I’m totally surprised that Scott’s so protective of his mom. He’s so protective of all of us, she must have it tenfold,” Isla said, hoping Eleanor wouldn’t get offended for her to be arguing Scott’s side. “My love, I’ve known some crazies that would’ve come in screaming and causing a scene. You kept your screams to a whisper. Didn’t even catch a glance from the people around you. That’s grace,” She laughed. “You know Scotty’s saying the same about you, right?” She teased. “Mr. And Mrs. Stubborn,” She added with a smirk. “I’m your Emotional Support Isla,” She said, puffing out her chest with pride. “It’s my job,” She grinned, then gave Eleanor a squeeze. “I already knew it before, but this just cemented it,” Isla said, and smiled dreamily between Eleanor and Scott. “You two are gonna make it. I’m an expert with these things.”

“I know it means fuck-all to her, but I can’t really see the point in all of you wasting the money and time to fly to Scotland, just to turn around and fly right back before the weekend’s through,” He said with a sigh. “This is—“ Scott paused, trying to think carefully of how he wanted to proceed. “I’m gonna get to the hospital, they’re gonna let me sign her out, and we’re gonna drop her off on our way back to the airport,” He explained. “Doesn’t even make for a holiday for you all,” He added with a sigh. “We’re ultimately going to be fine,” Scott agreed. “We’re just not thrilled with each other at the moment,” He added with a sad chuckle. “Gotta find some silver lining in you all coming,” He chuckled. He was already having a vision of Ewan knocking his and Sam’s heads together. “Oh, I’m sure you’re gonna love him,” He teased. “Life would be a hell of a lot quieter,” Scott replied with a snicker. The truth was, now that he knew he had a brother, there was no life without him. Scott would sooner travel to Hades and drag Sam back rather than live any more life without him. Not that he’d ever let Sam know. “She’s got shit taste, clearly,” Scott agreed with a laugh. “The poor lass,” He added, shaking his head. He chuckled at Sam’s look when Isla came up. He wondered if he had the same stupid look when someone brought up Eleanor. Hopefully Sam would catch up faster than he did. “It’s hard to be upset when you’re around that girl too long,” He chuckled. “Never said it was,” He said, then shook his head. “I just don’t want anyone to. I can handle it.”

As they made their way from the bar with the boys, Isla gave Sam’s arm a little squeeze to hold him back a step. “How did it go with Scott?” Isla asked quietly, keeping an eye on Eleanor and Scott to make sure that they didn’t hear. “This is all such a mess, I feel awful for the both of them,” She said with a quiet sigh. “I’m just hoping that they settle down on this flight. If not, I’m putting melatonin in both of their drinks and forcing them to relax,” She joked. “I’m excited to see this side of Scott’s life. I’m sure you must be ten times more excited,” She said, and gave Sam a little side-hug. “I’m also really excited that it might snow while we’re there. I’ve never actually seen snow before, somehow,” She chuckled. “Been everywhere but the cold-weather countries.”

Scott’s body felt like it weighed a million pounds as he dropped himself into his seat. He was starting to feel the gravity of what was really happening. On top of Eleanor’s desperation to connect with Erica, he also started to worry about Sam. If he looked too closely, he might start putting together two-and-two and start a conversation that Scott wanted to have even less than one about his mother. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. This was all more than he was prepared for. He tried not to be resentful of Erica for being the very reason that all of this started in the first place. But he learned long ago that blaming Erica got him nowhere but deeper in the hole. He was so lost in his head that he’d barely registered what Eleanor had said. “Let’s uh—“ He started, then heard the tone of her voice. He wanted to kill the guy that caused it. “Let’s just cross that bridge when we get there, okay?” He asked. “If we’ve got time before the flight home or something,” He said mindlessly. “You’re going to sleep too, right?” Scott said, then kissed Eleanor’s forehead. “I love you, Len,” Scott murmured, then put a hand on her thigh. Once Eleanor reclined, Scott leaned over to take a glance at Sam and Isla, then gave his brother a short nod. It felt so foreign to sit in a seat so lush. It might’ve been even more comfortable than the bed he’d grown up sleeping on. Though he tried to fight it, Scott felt himself starting to nod off.

“That’s ridiculous,” Eleanor said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes again. “I love you—we love you. You worry about people you love. It’s just what you do,” she said with a shrug and a hefty sigh. “No,” she began, “Sophie asked me to come with you because she’s worried.” Eleanor didn’t want to elaborate. She didn’t want to dive into Erica’s condition right now when they were already so tense. It wasn’t worth the extra headache. “Please don’t say things like that,” she said, and her bottom lip wobbled again. Although Eleanor knew he was just feeling very sore at the moment, she didn’t like him suggesting such a grim outlook about their future together. “Your honesty isn’t a good enough answer. You can’t possibly think that I’d let Erica get away from me this time around, did you?” Eleanor asked. “No, of course not. But every time I even broach the subject of your mother when we’re home you walk away from me. I can’t let you walk away from this conversation anymore,” she said sternly, even if her voice was shaking. Eleanor immediately cringed at Scott’s reaction, and reached a tentative hand out to touch his arm. “I’m—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out like that—oh, Scott,” she stammered, taking a deep breath and giving his bicep a little squeeze. “I don’t care what anyone else has to say about your mother besides you. The only person I ever wanted to hear about her from is you. What it’s like for you. Because you are the most important person in the world to me. Fuck everyone else and their big gobs,” Eleanor said. “How is it different? Why can’t I care for you in the same way you care for me?” she asked. As much as she felt like she understood Scott, there were times like this, where he felt a world away from her. And she hated it. “Antimony, my darling,” she whispered, bringing his hand to her lips to press a soft kiss to his knuckles. “Don’t lie to me,” she muttered against his skin. “No matter how messy or ugly things are with you mother, I’m not going anywhere. I—I can’t go anywhere. Nothing is going to scare me away, I promise. You know I’m here for you forever, don’t you?” she asked, looking up at him with an earnest expression. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, and maybe this is too general to even say but,” she gave his hand a squeeze, “everything is going to be okay.” Eleanor recalled saying those words to him thousands of times, and every time she did she didn’t know if everything was going to be okay, but she still said it. She didn’t know if everything would be okay now, but she wanted to be strong enough for the both of them, and she wanted more than anything for him to believe her when she said it. 

“Is it good?” Eleanor asked with an exasperated laugh. “My difficult, beautiful boy,” she sighed, looking over at him and frowning a little. If she loved him any more she knew she’d actually combust with how emotional he made her sometimes. She chuckled half-heartedly at Isla’s joke. “If I actually swung I’d have probably broken my hand on his chest,” she said with a playful eye roll. “Oh, darling, if only you’d known him as a teenager,” she snorted, then smiled as she reminisced about her young Scott. How cocky he’d been, how brazen in his young age. He was still young now, but so much has happened to him, so much has weathered his spirit and she knew that he’d lived a hundred more lives than he was supposed to by now. “He can argue with me like an adult. I wouldn’t be with him if he didn’t,” she said with a little chuckle. “People in that town had a lot of things to say about Erica, some of it wasn’t kind. Not that I ever regarded any of it. I only ever wanted to know what it was like for him, but he wouldn’t tell me. Would hardly speak about her other than the occasional comment here and there,“ she said with a small shake of her head. She hated to remember how much it hurt her then, that he wouldn’t open up to her about Erica. It made it hurt worse now. "He is totally mad,” she agreed. “I appreciate you thinking this is graceful at all,” Eleanor laughed, gesturing to herself; her mussed hair and wrinkly plane clothes, the dark blue circles beneath her eyes. “I know he’ll come around, he usually does for me, I just don’t know why it has to be so difficult at the start every single time,” she lamented. But she would do this a million more times with Scott if it meant they’d still have each other. She wrapped Isla into another hug and sighed against her shoulder. “You’re very good at this, you know. Calming me down,” she said, then gave Isla a soft smile. She nodded at Isla’s sentiment. “Even if it feels a little painful right now, I do feel lucky to get to love him so much. I just hope he feels it because I think he wants to kill me a little bit right now,” Eleanor said with an exasperated laugh. 

Sam furrowed his brows and tried not to laugh and tease Scott about his ridiculous plan to exclude Eleanor at all from his trip to Scotland. It didn’t really make much sense to him, considering how close he and Eleanor were, but Sam couldn’t rib him for it now when he knew how uncomfortable Scott was right now. “Aye, you’re clearly the smart brother ‘ere,” he joked anyway, because he couldn’t help himself. “It’ll all work itself out though. As intense as Eleanor is I’ve never seen her fold faster than for you,” Sam said, shooting his brother a smirk. “Ah, so it’s not so bad that I’ve come after all then, aye?” he said when Scott expressed his excitement for Sam to meet Ewan and Sophie. He felt like he knew them already, with how much Scott talked about them. “I think meself and the geezer will get along just fine,” he snickered. “Don’t lie now, old brother o’ mine. Your life would be so dull without me,” he laughed, dramatically batting his eyelashes. “Eh, like I said. As much as she wants to curl you up a bigger part of her is complete and utter fucking mush for you, mate. God knows why, but who am I to judge,” he chuckled. Though Sam didn’t think he’d ever seen a more sincere form of love in his life before he met Scott and Eleanor. It was something to behold for him, that was for sure, when every relationship he’d been in or witnessed always ended in shambles. “Aye…” he said, cocking an eyebrow at Scott’s expression when he spoke of Isla. “Looks like she’s already soothed your girl enough to be able to talk to you again,” he shrugged, glancing back at the girls. “Or it could be those martinis she’s drinkin’,” Sam sighed, and gave his head a little shake. “It’s not a bad thing to have someone care so much about ya, lad,” he said with a knowing look. Once Sam allowed his friends and family in closer his life got a hell of a lot easier. 

After finishing her cocktail, Eleanor looked down at her phone to see they were due to board in a twenty minutes. She gave Isla’s hand a reassuring squeeze and they made their way over to the boys sitting at the bar. “We’re boarding in a bit, we should head to the gate,” she told them, and they shuffled in tired silence to the gate. Eleanor was sure even her bones felt tired now, and she prayed she’d be able to sleep during the flight. Once they were settled into their seats in first class, Eleanor felt like she was going to cry again–from this disconnection she felt with Scott, from anxiety, from exhaustion–she couldn’t tell. It wasn’t a normal quiet between herself and Scott as they sat in their seats, but one that had her feeling desperate to reach him. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it never got easier to handle. She turned to him a little and reached for his hand. Eleanor couldn’t believe she was about to concede to him, but she couldn’t bear putting him through anymore pain when he was clearly already spiraling over his mother. “I just want to say this.  If you really, really, don’t want me to meet Erica I won’t go to the hospital with you,” she said quietly, and sighed, her shoulders slumping. “But I very desperately want to meet her. Obviously,” she added with the ghost of a chuckle. “I just…want you to want me to meet her.” She took a deep breath. “Don’t say anything now, just…remember that. When we get there,” she added, because she didn’t have it in her to start up another argument. “And I want you to try and get some rest before we land if you can.” She leaned in and pressed her lips softly to his cheek before reclining her seat a bit to try and get more comfortable. 

[indigo474]

i made it through the day

I actually had a good day. i wasn't feeling tired at all and was starting to wonder WHY i wasn't tired.. I'm tired now. I did pricing today. It's an awful system-not fair at all. I get a commission for every account i renew to stay with company for another year. The higher my margins the higher my commission. My margins were very good today- by good i mean high- I feel bad-people dont know how they are going to pay their bill and i'm well-- i can offer you this outrageous price- the more i do it the more i get a feel for people. if i feel like someone is going to give me a problem, i'll start a little lower. I didn't invent the system- at the end of the day i gotta eat too. I do feel bad for people.. the little person does get screwed. I do like pricing-i could be a part of the pricing department and be done with the whole career progression - it's not my dream to become a supervisor. i want to make the most money i can make. Pricing is the department to make that money. So.. i don't know- for now i am helping out. i mean sure supervisor looks good on paper-i don't care about paper- i want to get out of this rat race- i certainly do not want to go somewhere else- unless $$$..

in my nightmare x found a joint in a cigarette pack that belonged to my son and was storming upstairs angry. I kept trying to talk but nothing would come out of my mouth. Ive been having a hard time lately coming to terms with what actually happened. I guess i have come to terms with things but it is STILL hard for me to believe how fucking evil he is. i shouldn't regret trying to help save someone's life. i did what i thought was right at the time. he hated me after that.. i exposed him. i blew it up. he didn't like that. but yeah i struggle coming to terms with reality that i got played by him. makes trusting myself hard. My mom had me laughing about the kitchen on chatham and how i destroyed it. i really did. i hope he has fun scraping the paint off of the cabinets and the counter. and that floor- i always hated it. i'll be ok.

I am so excited for out Blue Christmas themed tree. it's going to be amazing.

I was going to go for a run in the morning- nosleep- i was going to go tonight- i'm exhausted. I'm going to try again for the morning. it'll be dark and i hope i don't get killed. ill bring my license just in case. i'll leave my vape pen at home- i took it with me last time- just in case. I think i should take a self defense class. i was listening to a podcast and this guy was saying the best form of self defense are you feet. Like run away from whoever is trying to hurt you. he said most people believe if someone grabs them to start a fight or hurt them they are going to just freak out and hurt the attacher- that's how i feel-like i would fuck someone up- BUT most people have never been grabbed so they are at a total disadvantage, by the time they even figure out what is going on it's too late. Goodpoint-if someone grabbed me on the street or in the park i would have no idea what to do. i have mace but i don't even know if i'd be fast enough to use it-by the time i got it out of my pocket and turned the little thing and made sure it was pointed the right way all while holding my phone- i'd be dead. i'm also not going to worry about becoming victim. i should look into a class for me and MAds.

I started tracking my food- it really helps. even if i do get accused of being obsessed. i'm putting in the hard work and i want to see results. so here i am.

i like working from home.. if i never had to step foot into the office again-i wouldn't.

everyone is hush hush about their tree theme. i was messing around with the super how won last year- trying to guess her theme. she said i guess. i told her i wouldn't have to because i'd find the weak link on her team and they would tell me. she assured me no weak links. she was wrong. i found the weak link and know her theme- around the world- i feel bad that i know and don't have the heart to tell her. there's always a weak link-i hope it's never me.