#“like thats the point of the kink its FORCED” but then dudes go :< but cnc is problematic

[pastadoughie]

soft forcemasc is so fuckin annoying tbh. this isnt pintrest boy its a fetish. act like it.

[mymoshangthoughts]

something something

modern au moshang where they're neighbors

and mobei jun has an active sex life

and shang qinghua is able to hear it through the thin walls

and look, he's not thirsting after his hot neighbor oki

but he's certainly not about to turn down free porn!

the only problem is that he has no idea that his neighbor has been thirsting after him this whole time and the various line of sex partners is just mobei jun trying to fill that shang qinghua sized whole in his life because no matter how he attempts to flirt with shang qinghua, the dude just keeps turning him down

(shang qinghua did not in fact know he was being flirted with, he's just been doing the polite but distant neighbor thing. but polite-distant-neighbor behavior very much reads as "im not into you bro")

shang qinghua secretly slut shaming mobei jun in his head, until he realizes "oh man, it'd be hot to slut shame him while fucking him" and thats when shang qinghua realizes that he, in fact, would totally like to bang his neighbor (up until this point, he basically just treated mobei jun like a porn star. fun to watch but you wouldnt really think about dating them)

now shang qinghua is getting a bit jealous of the nameless beauties and so he's launching plan "make that slut fuck me, force my way into his life, and then eventually like baby-trap him or something so he's forced to marry me"

shang qinghua is not ethical about his feelings one bit

(airplane is very powerful when a new kink is unlocked and he has to direct that horny energy SOMEWHERE)

mobei jun: /uselessly pining/ ive tried and failed and now im going to drown my sorrows in meaningless sex... :( ahh... but my heart still aches for him

shang qinghua: 🤔 i wonder if i can scam him into a fake marriage?

maybe they were childhood friends and shang qinghua 90% forgot about him LMAO or maybe just a lot of small meetings aorund the apartment building that were just boring and unmemorable to shang qinghua but just about stole mobei jun's heart lmaoooo

bonus: shang qinghua trying to slut shame mobei jun while riding his dick but winds up a crying mewling mess instead and afterwards he's shamelessly writing porn about it "nono its like, even better when a real bastard just starts crying" "...so you admit to being a bastard" "look, fuck off, and secondly, what is your stance on cockwarming?" (mobei jun is very much not prepared for what a kinky fuck shang qinghua is, like he's dtf, but man he didnt not realize that this guy had such an insatiable sex drive holyshit)

[groupiewhoreee]

Can you write if it’s possible Guns N’ Roses headcons ? <33

hii! yes, i can. i was thinking of writing headcanons for them, and writing headcanons for characters are quicker to write other than fics! thnx for ur req <3

(STILL WRITING ALL OF UR REQ JUST POSTING THE ONES I HAVE DONE!)

Guns N' Roses Head-canons (NSFW ADDITION!)

Warnings: Smut, y'know the kinky stuff. (Minors DNI! 18+ people only. I cant force ya, but it's highly recommended you leave.)

___________________________

AXL ROSE

Y'know, Axl is willing to do it anywhere at this point. Anytime, too. But, depends on how he's feeling at the moment. He can do it backstage, dressing room(s), restaurants, in the studio, practically anywhere if you two get the chance. You guys tried doing it in a family restroom. Duff accidentally walked in on you both at one time.

He's pretty rough during sex I would say. He degrades you, calls you names, (Dumb, Slut, Whore, etc) But he can be assuring and sweet at times only if he's in a good mood. If he isn't, he's choking you and smacking ur ass making red hand prints.

He cums anywhere between ur ass, tits, and stomach. Unless you want to get pregnant, its in you. Which is what happens rarely. He's somewhat iffy about having kids with you, although he tries being sweet about it. He loves you n all, but having mini Axl's will be a bit weird.

Axl doesn't haven't many kinks, but we all saw the 'Its So Easy' music video. He likes BDSM, And that's basically it. He's willingly able to try any kink you'd want. Shit and Piss crosses the line with him though.

I think Axl is willing to share you with one of his bandmates, he would share you with Slash most likely or Duff.

Seeing you in red lingerie is what gets him going usually, but if ur talking or looking at other dudes other than him and his bandmates then he'll probably pull u aside and y'know…

SLASH HUDSON

Y'know, Sex with Slash is very like chill. You and him have very soft, sensual sex unless he's in a bad mood. When hes in a bad mood he goes wilddd. Tugging ur hair, choking you. All that dirty shit.

Breeding kink. Nuff said.

if, you don't want him inside of you, and you want it somewhere else, then its on ur ass or stomach most likely, or in ur mouth/face. He likes seeing his cum anywhere on you.

Doggy style usually or however you two end up. He doesn't mind trying new positions if ur getting bored. He's chill and open with trying new things!

He also would share you with someone like his band mates. I think he'd share you with Axl most likely. If not, Duff.

Slash is like - chill after sex. He usually apologizes a ton, and then has a smoke. He will occasionally cuddle with you.

DUFF MCKAGAN

Duff during sex, he can occasionally be rough and demanding with you, but usually he is sweet and caring for you during sex, but it's mostly the first one unless thats not what ur feeling.

Duff is very hesitant on trying new things with you sorta. He sometimes doesn't really wanna try anything and at other times its, 'Yeah, lets try that!' No in-between.

He is somewhat like Slash and Axl combined. Its chill at times, like he gets a boner and thats the go to, and other times he's like an animal like Axl. His mood has a big part in everything.

He either gets up really early and stays up super late, or Gets up super late and goes to bed early. Morning sex tends to occur occasionally and before concerts and everything. If he's on tour, phone sex bound to happen. Or he just looks thru the picture book he has of you.

He has a habit of choking you during sex to where it almost cuts ur airway off. And of course, you like it. (If you don't then he won't choke you like that, obviously.) He just can't help it.

I think Duff can be that type of dude to just casually be smoking during sex like its nothing.

IZZY STRADLIN

Y'know, I think Izzy is very laid back after and somewhat during sex. He always gets a smoke before and after. He will usually help you clean up, but he will also cuddle afterwards with you. He spoons you, practically burying you. Or he just quickly passes out afterwards and snores like there's no tomorrow. But its either, if you want to cuddle just ask him, I'm sure he'll agree to it unless something is going on or he isn't in the mood at the moment.

He is a legend, practically a god at dirty talking to you, omg. He just lets off when he starts dirty talking to you its just crazy. And he sometimes whispers sweet nothingness into ur ear and publicly flirts with you just to get you turned on the slightest by it, so when you two get home, your all ready for him.

Izzy isn't as serious during sex. He like— can crack a few smiles, and he'll laugh and joke with you at times if you fall off the bed, make weird sounds, and all that junk. But he can get really into the mood depending on his own mood. Like, he gets really into it.

He remains eye contact during sex all the time, he looks at you while ur mascara runs down ur cheeks, while you roll ur eyes back and throw ur head backwards in such pleasure that he's allowing you to experience. He love seeing ur face during sex. It reminds him of how well he treats you in a way.

He likes when you wear black, or white lingerie. It just makes him legit go nuts. Seeing the black bow peek from ur white button down gets him turned on. Seeing the white straps when he sees you.. omg.

He won't go far with whips and everything, he only uses his hand to spank you. He isn't interested in heavy bdsm like Axl, but he will pull ur hair, spit on you, call you names and everything, but he won't go far with gags, and all that. Just no.

STEVEN ADLER

Steven Is so sweet, I cannot. During sex he is so assuring and caring. He makes sure everything is okay for you and that what he is doing is alright with you. He kisses ur cheeks and lets you know that it's fine. He's very sensual too during. He holds ur hands, place lightly pink colored love marks on ur neck. But other times he's pulling ur hair, teasing you, and degrading you only the slightest.

He is cuddly after sex. He helps you of course, but other times he quickly passes out like theres no tomorrow. He loves you and wants to make sure ur okay afterwards. He is very helpful and caring, thats for sure.

Although, Steven can get a bit rough. He can start degrading you, pulling ur hair and tugging it. He'll start teasing you and messing with you. But he can get a bit submissive. He'll let you top him definitely. He'll call you mommy, and he loves when u call him good boy. He loves when u edge him.

He has a breeding kink like Slash. Nuff said there. No need to elaborate.

Steven loves public sex. He adores car sex and how people can see the car windows fog up and see you two fucking. He likes to let people know and see how he treats you most likely.

[plxnetyasaii]

Boten head cannons lol

WARNINGS:some cussing and some nsfw but only like half, and mentions of drugs

Summary:just some boten head cannons! Disclaimer; only a few of these are cannon but most are fannon~-~

Includes:ran haitani, rindou haitani, sanzu haruchiyro

______________________________________________

RAN

Sfw

~if you guys are out and he catches you looking at something through a window you best believe you’ll have not even 2 days later.

~if you ever try to play a prank on him the likely hood of him figuring it out before you can even finish the prank is like 99.9%.

~he's very protective but you’ll never know unless someone tells you because be tries his best not to be “violent” around you.

~if you tell him that some dude at the store was harassing you he’ll order his men to find him so he can “teach him a lesson”.

~he tends to hold you tight while cuddling especially while watching movies or right after sex.

~he’ll call you cheesy pet names just to make fun of you EX:sugar pie, sweetie, and doll .

Nsfw

~cock warming. He just loves seeing you sitting pretty on his dick, desperate for him.

~there have been multiple times where you went to drop something off for him and somehow you guys ended up fucking in his office.

~fucking in his car isn’t rare either but it didn’t happen as often since that time he was fucking you so hard you hit you head on the window.

~loves to slap your ass when you bend down.

~I personally feel like he’s an ass man.

~he just loves to see your ass bounce on his dick so he just loves reverse cowgirl.

~he doesn’t use his baton anymore unless you ask.

~if you’re riding him and he wants you to cum first he’ll rap his arms around your waist and thrust up into to you nonstop

~will eat you out and leave you a mess under him

_______________________________________________

Rindou

Sfw

~he loves watching you cook he’ll sit at the counter just watching you become pre occupied with making his favorite food.

~he loves the small things like little kisses and head rubs.

~he acts like he doesn’t care where you go or what you do then he’ll ask ran to send out a few guys to keep watch of you.

~its not that he doesn’t trust you but he doesn’t trust the world…plus he is in a gang that has many enemies .

~despite him knowing your a great fighter he still play fights with you.

Nsfw

~he’s a switch. Sometimes he likes being teased sometimes he likes doing the teasing.

~when he’s close to cumming he whimpers and groans.

~he doesn’t like semi-public sex but if you suck him off from under the desk while someones in the room he’ll keep quiet at first but when you guys are alone he’ll face fuck you till your jaw hurt.

~after cumming he’s so sensitive its almost funny

~when super horny this man is almost as rough as his brother with his baton

~loves to leave marks everywhere

~he just loves eating you out so much that he’ll accidentally do it for his own pleasure

_______________________________________________

Sanzu

Sfw

~hes a pretty little liar but its not often he lies to you to the point you already know his real name and siblings even how he got his scars

~he would never force you to pop a couple with him but he open to the idea

~he has abandonment issues so if he ever thinks you’re cheating and he freaks out on you is only because he would hate to lose you

~he would bake edibles with you at like 12am

~even when high still finds ways to show you love

Nsfw

~lots of praise and lots of degradation

EX: “good girl, your such a pretty slut”

~cigs after sex? Nah pills after sex

~he would never do anything you don’t like but once he’s about to cum he can’t hear a damn thing

~he doesn’t have a breeding kink but love to bury himself in you balls deep just to fill you up

~when riding him he’ll bury his face in your chest and tease your nipples

~doesnt leave many bite marks but will defiantly leave one on your nape and inner thigh

-----------------------------------------------

AND THATS ALL FOLKS im so so sorry i havent been posting

[ushiwakaout]

parings: Ushijima x reader , Iwaizumi x reader and Sakusa x reader 

warnings: NSFW (under the black lines) daddy kink w hajime, Timeskip Haikyuu. language? jealousy? fannon sakusa? anal w sakusa. bad grammar :)

a/n: as a compressed woman myself, i don’t think there is enough compressed content out there, or maybe i haven’t found any. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi

this man LOVES you, you cannot put it into words

let’s start with being in public 

he isn’t touchy feely with you in public, never. he think it looks bad and does’t wanna make you uncomfy

does hold your hand... kind of. You def. have smaller hands than he does so you grab his pinky most of the time, he thinks its really damn cute.

leaned down to kiss your forehead.

if you’re ever out to go eat at like a stand or sum, he sits down and he’s basically looking at you or at your chest depending on the chair.

ONLY PDA THING HE WILL DO ONCE IN A WHILE IS LEAN HIS HEAD ON YOUR CHEST AND PUT HIS HANDS ON YOUR BUTT IF HES FEELING ADVENTUROUS.

i know id love this- HIM LOOKING UP AT YOU AND ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO LIKE CARESS YOUR LOVE HANDLES OR HIPS BC UR SO THICC AND HE FUCKING LOVES EVERY SINGLE INCH *sigh* im touch starved

When it comes to being at home, he’s legit the most handsiest airhead in the freaking world

He could be laying on the couch, he makes you sit on his lap and your like “mmm, no” but he reminds you that he’s legit full nelsoned your ass while standing in front of a mirror and you like “..... y-you don’t need to remind me!!!” so you sit on his lap

y’all start talking and he’s like really distracted with you chest, doesn’t matter the size he just want his hand on your boobs.

very touchy man in private, this man was touch starved until you came in and now he can get enough.

“Toshi? What are you doing?”

Hes caressing your boobies and he just smiles like the big dumb idiot he is and whispers something about being in love with your chest and he sits up a lil and just shoves his face in ur tits, like not even in a sexual way.

let’s also add a lil nsfw in this fluff

when you guys first did the deed you hesitated in taking of your clothes, you did not want him to see you naked, not yet at least. he didn’t mind at, but he made you wear his shirt.

you kissed him and changed in the bathroom and when you came out wearing his shirt like a dress, he got embarrassingly hard 

that day he realized that his favorite position w you (only when you wear his shirts) is doggy style bc he’d ruin all his shirts and ball up the hem of it to pull you so deep into his cock and holy shit he’s never felt so much euphoria

he’s got you screaming his name, drooling over the bed sheets, covering his cock with your orgasm. god he loves the sight of your body giving out due to multiple orgasms.

also loves eating you out, wow

he’s told you that he’d be happy if he suffocated in-between your thighs

you had to let out a giggle but like it turned into a moan

cocky bastard

loves leaving marks on you, there’s so much skin to cover, and he wants to do it all.

Iwaizumi Hajime

I 100% believe that this boys mother is compressed as well and you cannot tell me otherwise

loves public pda especially at night

has to be touching you in some way shape or form

either holds your hand, your waist or your ass, just depends how you’re feeling and how he’s feeling

kisses your hand or the crown on your head

say if your ever standing in line and your in front of him, he will lean his head down and put his chin on top of your head

slaps your ass when he think no one is looking BUT SOMEONE IS ALWAYS LOOKING and he just makes you really embarrassed

i think he’s definitely an ass guy so he pinches your butt a lot

when he went to Irvine in Cali, he just had to take you with him, he couldn’t just leave his baby all alone without him.

you guys had a free day so y’all went to laguna beach, lucky it wasn’t as packed as it usually was or so you heard

at this point iwaizumi has given you enough confidence to wear a two piece, (obviously high waisted)  

half the time at the beach you felt like he wanted to bark at the guys who stared at your ass while you sun bathed.

he’d bother you a lot for kisses and low key make out sessions

and let me tell you when he pulled away from the kiss and saw how plum and fucking red your lips where, he was hard, he’s never wanted you to wrap you mouth around his cock so bad

he calmed down for a bit, went into the water and cooled down, while you still laid on you belly enjoying the sun

at some point he was the one sunbathing and you where in the water

and now he believes that he picked the wrong pair of short to wear bc he got hard while watching you walk back to your spot, water just dripping down every curve and in every crook of your body

“We’re going back to the hotel now.”

you don’t complain, it’s not like you didn’t fucking notice how hard his cock was, it made your mouth drool

god getting to the hotel, he wasted no time at all what so ever.

kissed you all around, you skin tasted salty and fresh on his tongue

you broke the kiss to tell him that you guys should probably get into the shower or sand will be everywhere. 

SHOWER SEX

Hajime has a love/hate relationship with shower sex but today he didn’t care, he just pounded into your pussy like it was the last time he’d ever feel you

He loves pulling your body, you back close this his chest while he’s ramming into you, whispering the naughtiest things in your ears.

it either “you’re so tight, fuck, you’re twitching. Does it feel that good, hm? You’re pussy wrapped around my cock, taking me in so well. You love this don’t you, filthy little thing you are.”

he also likes teasing you, god he loves just holding your hips just to fuck you so slowly, edging you. “Are you gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock? You’re gonna be daddy’s good girl and cum all over my cock, right?” 

he’s such an asshole, i need to stop writing bc i legit wont stop. i love hajime so much omfg

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Oh boy Sakusa is def hard to write about, but i love him so ill do it

I think is he dated a compressed reader, he’d def tease them about their height, never their weight

Although he’s always been iffy about touching, there’s just something about you

he always has to be touching you somehow

his teammates at MSBY are really surprised to figure out that he has an S/O and that he lives and breathes the same air as their Oomi

They are really surprised when you come one day after practice and he doesn’t immediately go to the showers, go goes straight to kiss you just to say a quick hello and then he rushes into the shower. 

Atsumu’s like, “how you do dat?” you shrug it off bc you have no idea either bc ever since you’ve started dating he gets a lot more comfortable with you

his teammates love you by the way especially bokuto and hinata (ima say u used to be karasunos co manager w yachi)

thicc boys and girls hang together

anytime bokuto tries hugging you, you’re ready to accept him with open arms but Oomi is just like NO. BIG NO

Pouty boy sakusa doesn’t want bo accidentally feeling you up bc thats his job

Obviously atsumu is the comic meme where it’s like “are you sakusa’s new girlfriend! Dude! He told me you were hot but i didn’t believe him, bc like have you seen him? out of his league. Like, btw, fuck him, dude. Lets elope- I AIN’T DOIN NOTHIN!”  atsumu thinks you’re hot always flirts w/ you bc he low key has a thing for thicc girls (probably gonna write something about that bc i know for a fact people believe that he’d call a big girl “pig” but i think he’d be the type of asshole to hide the fact that he’s dating you bc he’s called people pigs and what not but during his time at MSBY bokuto def. rubbed of on him.

atsumu high key doesn’t remember you but YOU DEF REMEMBER HIM

you bumped into him while refilling waters and he’s like “watch it pig”

sakusa heard what you said and atsumus like “oh shit....”

you can’t tell me sakusa did not grad his usual cute scarf and try to suffocate him with it bc he insulted his s/o before he was their s/o

“we barely knew each other then stop trying to kill him Oomi!”

high key sakusa saw you that day and was like wow.

you can out of the bathroom with ur cute hand towel and hand sanitizer, you were low key sick but didn’t wanna put anyone at risk so u had a mask on too

you caught his looking and you just waved, you don’t really remember that day but he def does bc he fell i love with u then and there

his cousin had to drag him away from following you down the hall and ask what was you cleaning regimen bc he knew id freak u out a lil but it really wouldn’t have.

sukusa is only public handsy if he’s tipsy or when he’s at home w you and the three boys (atsumu, bokuto and hinata) he says he hates them but he doesn’t and you know that bc he wouldn’t let them into their house if he did

they WILL NOT LEAVE IF THE MISS THE TRAIN OR ARE TOO DRUNK TO WALK YOU FORCE OOMI TO LET THEM SLEEP OVER

You’re like covering them with blankets any everything and lightly waking them up to put a pillow under their head, hinata low key starts crying bc he says you’re so sweet and that oomi should be feel so lucky that he’s got someone like you

okay hinata almost makes you cry but u like just boop his nose and giggle it off 

while you’re covering up atsumu, he starts flirting with you and u just laugh but tell me why sakusa will come behind you and just wrap his arms around you, puts his chin on your shoulder and glares at him

basically saying “leave my woman alone.” 

atsumu is high key (even if sakusa doesnt realize but you do) enticing sakusa so you can get a good fuck tonight bc he feels a lil bad for intruding.

TELL ME WHY IT WORKS THO

Sakusa will like drag you to bed, tease you. tie your hand behind your back so you can’t touch him and all you can do is watch him strip for you

god his body is sculpted by Himeros himself because his body is so damn sexy 

after hes down to his boxers he covers your eyes with a cloth and he gives you a good face fucking,

you cannot tell me that he doesn’t get so fucking hard after taking off the cloth and seeing how red a watery your eyes are

also this motherfucker is so dirty in bed i’m sorry (cannon him will not touch u tho like mmm sakusa cannon is a pillow prince, its still hot, def will write about it soon)

he would lick up you salty tears, and kiss your plump lips after he made you swallow his cum

he fucks you in front of the mirror that day but not on the bed

he makes you lean into your vanity so you can see up close how much of a drooling and crying mess me make you

you’re gipping onto the vanity and you’re on your fucking tippy toes, you’re twitching and so close to breaking the fucking vanity bc this isn’t your first orgasm, its probably the third or fourth

he’s covering your mouth with one hand and the other on your hip for grip as he pounds you

he might stick a finger or two in your mouth 

OH GOD I JUST THOUGHT- I JUST THOUGHT OF HIM LIKE spreading your ass too see how much you’ve cummed on his cock and he get’s the sudden urge to put this thumb in you ass, so he just runs his thumb around and it surprises you but he sees how you just tightened around his cock

he gives you a cocky look and just leans into your ear AND WHISPERS SO MANY DIRTY FUCKING THINGS WHILE NIBBLING AND LICKING YOUR EAR

“You’re such a dirty whore baby, I haven’t even put it in and you just tightened around me so good. I think- god you feel so tight... I think you might just cum from slipping my thumb into that cute ass of yours”

FILTHY , SAKUSA IS A FILTHY WHORE AND ITS FUCKING HOT

a/n: i wrote too much for sakusa when i was like wtf am i gonna write AND I ENDED UP WRITING THE MOST FOR HIM JFSIBFBSDFSKFHS IM NOT SURPRISED do i smell favoritism? yes. i’m not ashamed. 

[dorothyliker420]

huuhhoOh my GOD slrprfrsrfl(more lip licking noises)ooooh my GOd whoaoaohah. *huffing* a completeed chorus 2! HOLY SHIT oh my gohd

(silky made me this image as per request ily silky)

WELL HERE WE GO!!!!!!! A COMPLETED CHORUS CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!! CLOCKING IN AT 20,588 FUCKING WORDS AND 45 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS! lets see how many bs words I can add to that count am I right ladies

because of, I dont know, any italicization or bolding in the text itself was lost when I copy/pasted it to here so I guess the Experience isnt as Deep BUT ITS ALL GOOD ANYWAY because only I get to type in bold. thats how you know its me and not a rabble, but I also italicized lines that I really wanted to talk about

ill put all the Canon Real Text in an indent tho happy reading,

A Long Awaited Duet ---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

The new canon is that in between those dashes is a really terrible swear word that the author censored with asterisks. only he knows it and he’ll unleash it when you criticize his fic

Pacing quickly around her room in a long, frustrated circle, Lisette’s worries were quickly drawing to a boiling point.

lisette’s circles make me long and frustrated am I right fellow dudes

Typically, she was a very easy-going person, the kind of girl who’d shrug off most concerns and instead focus on keeping a positive outlook. However, after spending her entire morning going through the motions, feeling trapped in a listless, uneasy funk, even she couldn’t help but be affected. It was almost noon already and still she couldn’t move her thoughts past yesterday’s tea party, to the look she’d seen weathered across Alto’s face.

Lisette is right to be threatened and uneasy. this is like the scene in the opening where the village is getting crystallized and its too late for rosa and shes like SAVE YOURSELF except instead its sexification

She hadn’t had the courage to say anything at the time, but it had haunted her thoughts ever since. Making it worse, when she’d attempted to find her mother to ask her for her advice, she hadn’t been able to find her anywhere, so she’d wound up simply spending the previous night with Marie.

the ghosts of the last chapter vaguely implying alto is too horney to sleep in the same bed as marie have returned and im frightened

“He’s… he’s still on edge, isn’t he?”

It wasn’t right. The fighting was over and peace had been won, but even when he should have been relaxing with his friends, Alto was still wearing the same guarded, strained expression. It was the same heart-breaking look she’d seen from her friend all throughout their battles, at all the times she’d stood at his die, watching him make the most difficult decisions of his life.

STOOD AT HIS DIE

She didn’t think any of the others had noticed. Perhaps she was the only one that would even be able to recognise the difference, after all, she was the only one who’d known him before all this. Back in Mithra he hadn’t been anything like that, he’d smiled freely and his gaze had was always carefree, to the point of being cheeky. Their entire lives had changed ever since she became a Witch and he followed to become her Knight… but she’d always hoped all this time that it could still return to how it was when everything was finally over.

“No,” she corrected herself, her body sagging with a deep sigh. There wasn’t any point lying to herself about this, “I’m not that naïve, I always knew it wouldn’t be that easy…”

“gee” said lisette out loud to herself with no one else around, “I am lisette from the video game stella glow. I am five foot four and my blood type is

Because, she knew Alto. And she knew, for him, that it had never been about the battles. He didn’t fear fighting, he would recklessly throw himself into danger without even a second’s thought if it meant he could help someone. As she’d told him so many times, his overwhelming compassion was both his best and worst trait. He was courageous to the point of stupidity, all he cared about was protecting the people important to him, keeping the people he loved safe and happy, as best he could. That was all the fighting had ever meant to him. And that was why she’d always known it couldn’t possibly be that easy for him.

im giving this alto analysis a 2 alto is a liberal degenerate who really loves hunting and also u dont know anything about him jl “AWOOOGAA” davenport if u tell me about him again ill kill you

Crying out in annoyance, Lisette slumped across the room and threw herself onto her bed, sinking deep into the large, soft mattress as if to try let it absorb a fraction of her worries.

I cannot shake the feeling he was thinkin bout her tiddies when he wrote this

‘Alto’s still fighting, even now,’ she knew that. It was a truth she’d struggled to deal with for days now, ‘The war isn’t over for him yet, because he’s still pushing himself to try find a way to keep every one of us happy.’

fuckin dumb ass horny ass bitch. mediocre ass, pathetic ass, money grubbing, fucking stupid bitch ass you dont put apostrophes around thoughts its ugly as shit

It was a painful thought, the elephant in the room and something she hated thinking about. But somehow, not thinking about it, pretending to simply ignore had become even worse.

does lisette know what an elephant is. does that expression exist. this is third person limited so its kind of weird to use that kind of anachronism

After all, if Alto was still fighting, then she wanted to fight alongside him! She was his family, his comrade, his first Witch and even his (prospective) girlfriend,

I had to cut this off because it was next level dumbshit literally anyone is his prospective girlfriend with that state of their relationship. im his prospective girlfriend 

there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do anything less than to support him with all her might. He was a part of her soul. He was the man she loved and someone who she would never allow herself to be separated from, she’d known those feelings for absolute certainty ever since the moment she’d woken up from death’s door and travelled around the world to stand at his side. Just thinking about him wracking himself with worries and her not helping him was terrifying!

1. 

2. that last sentence is the worst written thing in, if not human existence, then the century

And, she spared a glance over at the mirror she’d been avoiding looking at all day, even aside from that, could she really say she was any different? Was she truly able to smile like before, only because their fighting was over?

hackles raised at the prospect of mirror kink

Lisette gave a dry laugh, reaching out and squeezing the small stuffed pig Popo had given her, pressing it against her considerable chest. 

1. the pig is kinda cute like maybe but who tf is vending these smutfic items. who is crawling around in the back alleys selling cursed objects that make people horny as fuck. did ewan make a deal with the devil to sell all his twilight-zone-monkey-paw shit from his brief sponsorship with baddragon

2. die

3. lisette’s chest is CONSIDERABLE all right. it makes me CONSIDER ending it all

For all their outward appearances, in this, at least, she doubted it was any different from any of the others, no doubt that was why everything had seemed so off lately, “We’re all just stuck in limbo, aren’t we?”

this is the longest string of indirect pronouns ever like whomst??? and what an eerie sentence to end a section on. though u kno what stay in limbo

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

those dashes are containing the massive power of the cuss word. if even one of them falters or breaks formation the sheer obscenity would vaporize us all

Unfortunately for Lisette, her self-examination came with no easy answers or steps forward. Even though she’d accepted that being stuck in place as they were was only making things worse for all of them and particularly for Alto, there was no obvious solution she could latch onto, to change things.

this literally picks up? exactly where the previous section ended? like. with information that flows from the previous paragraph. if youre going to make that fucking big then why is it functionally useless

However, now more than ever, she was a determined woman and slowly -as the time passed and the morning faded away into early afternoon- slowly, her resolve held out and she was able to fearlessly consider even the truths she’d previously tried so hard to avoid.

why is this the ugliest formatting ive ever seen have you ever heard of an em dash or, a comma. also im losing shit at Determination Resolve Holding Out Shes Never Done This wasnt this like the sole bad point of her tunings

She knew she loved Alto, that he was the only man who’d ever made her feel complete 

But, she also knew that the other Witches felt just the same, she forced herself to accept the fact that he was just as important to them as he was to her.

ok nvm im not done being pissed at The Only Man like yeah lisette its called comphet im rewriting this so that lisette realizes shes a lesbian and also that whole Complete Her thing is all of whats wrong with lisettes arc like all of it this is what men do

It was something they’d all consciously avoided discussing, something that none of them seemed to know how to deal with. Her companions, the other Witches, were all as close as family to her, she loved them all dearly… And yet, they were all competing, in their own way, for the same man.

alto is three years old

She was sure they must feel just as awkward about that as her, there was a reason why even the ever impulsive Popo or the harsh-blunt Sakuya 

tell u whats harshing my blunt........this fic ((takes a weed puff

had never said anything and why, no matter how much they talked and how much they shared, this single topic was never once addressed directly, they’d all been working on the same process as her- that it was too strange a situation and too difficult a conversation to deal with, that the best thing to do was simply wait till after the war when Alto would be able to reciprocate their feelings, and then there the problem would solve itself. Well… The war was over. And they were all still tiptoeing around each other’s hearts, all waiting for the same response from the same man. “We must all seem so silly.”

tf were they supposed to do to address it? like lets just accept the gross situation but was they supposed to so call everyone to a room lisette spins around in a big chair and says We’re Here To Discuss The Het or maybe this happens

She could just imagine how ridiculous this situation must appear from the outside; five best friends all in love with the same man, all waiting for him to respond to their feelings and all marooned in the same silent stand-off, walking on eggshells while pretending everything was fine. No doubt her mother found it hilarious.

thats the worst line ive ever seen in my life. oedipus rex has nothing on this bitch

that aside like accepting them all as comphets for the moment. literally never interacted on a regular basis with another boy their age. except hilda I guess but it doesnt matter this is so dumb! yall is a bunch of trauma victims you cant just jump directly into the boinking

“Grrr! This is all your fault Alto! Stupid! Since when did you get so popular anyway!? You weren’t like that in Mithra! You’re just… you’re just too dependable… You mean so much to all of us, we can’t help but love you…”

deadass u told me this was dialogue from the anime where the tiddies bounced when the girl blinked? id believe it

He was their conductor. They all loved him. They all wanted to be with him. They were all waiting for him to favour only them…

dont like how its treated that its an absolute that witches will just fall for their conductor thats like sayin no one is safe around bi ppl. reach perhaps but its the same dumbass ideas

Perhaps that was the worst part of all. The more she thought about it, the more she was starting to realise just what an impossible situation their feelings and expectations had put Alto into. She knew better than anyone just how much he cared for each of them, she’d healed the scars on his body time and again that showed just how far he’d go to protect any of them… And yet, without ever really thinking how, they were all still asking him to then choose between them, to decide which of his Witches he loved the most.

but also I just had the revelation that author does not know what romantic love is like, at all, and the smoke cleared I am enlightened and theres nothing I dont understand

And, she couldn’t help him at all, could barely even support him in what must be an incredibly painful choice for him. All she could do was leave it to him, and trust that when he did choose, that he felt the same way about her as she did about him and they would finally be together. As for the rest… She didn’t know… The thought of him choosing one of the others over her was almost too painful, to terrifying to consider, but the knowledge that her friends would have to go through that was no less terrible…

tired of u demonizing r*mantic love. fuck its th most exhilarating experience of my life. that and having a baby shark sit in my hands. dont give all these Oh No People Get Hurt to justify just fuckin whoever u want

That was the mire they were all stuck in. That was why Alto was still looking so stressed and why none of them had been able to move forwards. There wasn’t anything any of them could do and there was no way to make everyone happy. She frowned bitterly. ‘…Would… Would it even make us happy?’

me, who had never been as happy as I am prior to being in love: hell yeah bitch dis go hard as hell flocka

It was a strange thing to consider, something she’d never once thought before this very moment- she’d thought for so long she was waiting for Alto to return her feelings, she’d wanted so long to be with him and to be together forever. But, would she really be happy like that? Could she truly be happy being with the man she loved at the expense of watching the companions she held dear, the friends she’d bled and cried together with, becoming heartbroken? Mordi, Popo, Sakuya, and especially Hilda, after all they’d been through, after how important she knew Alto was to each of them… Her heart clenched in her chest just imagining it!

if this is a question then ur not in romantic love idiot! shut up

But… That was how it had to be, wasn’t it? They’d all been foolish enough to fall for the same man, there was only one Alto. No.

dumps the big ass mess of gl***ng pr**e poly edits here but im not saving it to my computer so u gotta imagine it

Lisette propped herself up on the bed, a previously unfathomable conclusion quickly becoming clear to her. No. She couldn’t accept that. And Alto surely wouldn’t accept that. He’d never accepted that they couldn’t stop the Eclipse. He hadn’t accepted that they couldn’t fight against God. And, at the end of everything, he’d refused to accept that Mother Qualia had to be their enemy. A solution that put the entire burden on Alto and led to all her friends being heartbroken? How could she ever accept that!? How could she ever have thought something like that would make her happy!? That wasn’t how they worked! They were the Tuning Knights, humans that had defeated God and saved Marie! They would never accept such a lukewarm compromise.

fucking................mormons..................................

‘Well now,’ she laughed, ‘If I really think about it, the solution is pretty obvious, isn’t it?’ It was reckless and crazy, nothing at all like anything she’d ever imagined herself doing… But then, didn’t that just make it the same as everything else they’d done?

this isnt even how polyamory works!!!!!!!! sorry im not being funny I just really value r*mant*c love and listen NO ONE would just sit down and think “yes clearly the healthiest thing for the person my heart is devoted to is to juggle 6 relationships”

“Yup! I’m not gonna accept anything like that!” ultimately, all that mattered was the same conclusion she’d come to, ever since she’d returned to life. She already knew what she wanted, she just had to make it happen, “Alto, I’m by your side. Always. I’ll support you!”

hi im lisette and this is my boyfriend alto! we’re queering heterosexuality by having him fuck a ton of girls at once! swipe right if you want to hop on that dick. no gays allowed

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

me: this is bad content

jldavenport: h*mg*n*n*l*b*ng*s*gl*m

me: vaporized in silhouette against the wall from the sheer power

Finishing off a long day of meetings, reports and training, clad in his usual attire (sans the armour,

oh shit its sans thearmour!!!! gonna have a bad time that being said makes sense that hes european the gross fuck

thankfully for him) and returning from the dormitory baths with a relieved sigh, Alto scarcely had time to close the door to his room behind him before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by an excited knocking. “Eh? Lisette?”

the phrase “dormitory baths” pisses me the fuck off where do you get off jldavenport. probably all over your keyboard but stop saying shit like that this isnt your canon bitch

A late-night visit from his orange haired friend wasn’t especially unusual, but to see her standing around in her Witches outfit 

epithets, especially those that refer to hair color, are awful and amateurish but because he still doesnt know this apparently: Redhead. Is. A. Fucking. Word. 

in her Witches outfit

that wasnt good enough to warrant that large of an image but like that movie fucked me up so bad lets see what scars me worse the mouse scene or this fic

at this time of night certainly was. And even stranger than that, she was wearing the original outfit, the one she’d worn since the first time she’d awakened to her powers in Mithra, rather than the more dazzling Goddess robes she’d gained after he’d finally tuned her heart, ‘I suppose it’s probably easier to sit around in this one?’ If he had to wear something as flashy as any of the dresses the girls wore, he was sure he’d spent half his time worrying about ripping it.

honestly content notwithstanding this reads like an instructional on what NOT to do when writing. you write like this? dont. its very entry level like I cant say that I necessarily write better but do what I say not what I do

throwing the goddess thing out there is like him saying LOOK!!!! A FACT i KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON!!!!!! HAHA

Despite standing staring at him from the hallway, with her face flushed and eyes not quite meeting his, she still hadn’t said anything, “Er, Lisette? Is something wrong?”

knocking on someones door and forgetting why ur there is a neurodivergent feel lisette has adhd now and theres nothing you can do about it

“Ah!” she jumped before finally shaking herself off and responding with a slight anxiousness, anxiety. see me after class “No, no not really. I just… I’ve had a lot of mind and I thought it’d be better if we could talk a bit? Do… Do you mind if we spend the night together, again?”

lisette u were literally talking to urself five minutes ago abt havin him fuck everyone and now ur all anime blushus. bitch

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to share his bed again? Spend the night holding hands like back then? Stopping himself short of giving her an answer, Alto suddenly realised just how imploringly she was looking up at him.

they literally used this exact Mouth Suddenly Dry thing last chapter do ppl who enjoy this fic actually like that r smthn. they get wet 4 the dry

“Huh, it’s not like you to actually ask…” He teased softly. Usually Lisette was far more insistent about this sort of thing, he’d normally expect her to simply march into his room and seat herself on his bed. He only realised as she spoke that for her to act like this, for whatever reason she was acting like this, it must be important to her that he did accept her request 

ugly sentence. ugly, ugly sentence. ew. im actually so bored by this sentence im ceasing work on this for the night good bye

She didn’t want to force it on him. Still… He couldn’t help but hesitate. It was stupid, he knew, but he’d felt awkward spending time alone with any of the girls since after the war, lest any of them get the wrong idea.

“get the wrong idea” DONT FUCKING WRITE ALTO LIKE THIS I AM IMMORTAL MY SKIN IS ADAMANTINE YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME

A moment passed and still Lisette didn’t say anything; clenching her hands nervously below her wait -and unintentionally pushing her impressive bust out even further towards him- 

the commissioner, apparently upon seeing stella glow:

she silently awaited his response. Blushing a little under her low gaze, Alto realised it was getting harder and harder to remember the days when he’d seen her just like a sister.

this proves its inhuman and disgusting because it gave me visceral flashbacks to fire emblem fates so lemme post some of my fave incest quotes from that, starting with the ones it made me astral project into

2.

did that last one haunt u because for a split second you imagined a world where lisette said them? good bc that shit keeps me up at night. im tired of cropping these quotes out so like we’re done my point has been made

In the end though, he couldn’t possibly deny her. Not for no reason, and not when she looked at him like that, “Yeah, of course Lisette. That sounds fun.”

the begging thing from the last chapter hit me full force in memory and I honestly hope it comes back bc ive got a dynamite joke locked and loaded

Breaking out into a bright smile, the Water Witch sagged in relief, taking him by surprise as she reached out to take his hand in hers, letting her body fall soft and warm against him as she did so. Her breath tickled hot across his collar and Alto’s heart jumped in shock!

DONT EVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS LIKE THIS im serious. it is about as ugly, 2007-fanfic-net-core you can get. 

Her hands felt smooth and gentle, wrapped warm around his… 

HIS WHAT

he’d felt that before, it was pleasant, although not anything new. But feeling her head falling lovingly to his shoulder like this and having her entire body now laying against his… His mouth went dry, 

Wet 4 The Dry Confirmed

he could even feel her breasts pushing large and heavy against his own chest! ‘Woah… S-So soft… They’re even bigger than Rosa’s, aren’t they?’

can you believe this was written completely unironically? like, people find this hot? if it didnt deplete the experience of reading this fic id replace every line referencing boobs with a comment from nicki minaj’s instagram

For just a split second, no matter how much of a gentleman he was, standing there like that, it was impossible for him not to compare the mother and daughter.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON

“Li-Lisette?” he choked out, desperately reigning in his thoughts before they rampaged down a dangerous direction. “Mmm, Alto, hehe, I’m glad,” she giggled happily, skipping back and beaming up at him as she tugged on his hands, leading him off, “Even just being like this with you, I feel better already!”

ok I have NO idea what movement theyre doing. shes like, skipping and then she comes back and takes his hands and idk probably his dick or something

Absolutely caught up in her rhythm, they were halfway down the hall before Alto finally realised she’d pulled him completely out of his room!

heres a coded message just for katt: e*****t w** d****** **m!the narration means he was aware she was pulling him so like where the fuck did he think he was going if not outside his room

“Uh, h-hey, Lisette? We’re going somewhere? I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” “That’s right,” she nodded simply, giving up and tugging him and instead falling into step beside him, “But your bed’s too small for it to be comfortable, so we’re gonna use my room instead!” Alto almost dug his heels in from sheer indignation! 

im sorry. im sorry I had to cut this up but come on. come the fuck on. indignation. like she made a point and alto is all “insolent female requesting things of me” have you not met alto. authot is from r/incels

She’d come all this way to see him, just to drag him back to her room!? How self-indulgent could she be!? And, it wasn’t as if his bed back in Mithra had been any larger and she’d never complained before. Eventually, he just sighed and followed her lead, it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. If it would make her happier, then that was fine. It might be nice to spend a night in someone else’s room for a change too.

Walking hand in hand through the halls like this was fairly embarrassing, thankfully it seemed that it was late enough that no-one else was around. He really, really didn’t want to suddenly run into Rusty like this, let alone Giselle, or Sakuya… Supressing a shudder, Alto hurried on.

“let alone giselle” wh???? I am so baffled by this. obviously rusty or sakuya would give him shit but whats giselle gonna do??? is alto being bullied by a robot?????? I want giselle to appear and smash alto’s frosting into the ground

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” said Giselle, pointing her laser at altos dick and shattering it into one million individual pieces

Unlike the tiny spare room he’d been assigned so long ago now, Lisette, as a Witch, had been housed in the premium quarters on the other side of their dormitory. 

stop. stop saying dormitory. this is not a college

Luckily in this case, unlike the Palace, the building wasn’t overly large so it was only a short trip to her room. They arrived a few minutes later, just as his heart was beginning to settle down.

…

what happened to the long ass aterisks break. oh god the swear word is coming isnt it

Unfortunately, the moment Lisette opened the door and they stepped inside, Alto’s breath was one again caught violently in his throat, “H-Hilda!?” And indeed, kneeling serenely atop a small cushion in the middle of the large room, the Time Witch was sipping calmly from her usual green ceramic tea-cup, as if there was nothing strange about her presence here at all.

I dont like how shes sitting on a pillow in the center of the room that sounds ritualisitic

(bangs pink cup on the ground) She Sits On The Sacrificial Fuck Pillow ((group of hooded figures behind me start chanting “Fuck Pillow! Fuck Pillow!”

Watching as she settled the drink aside, perfectly in synch with the sound of Lisette locking the door behind her, Alto’s mouth went dry.

theres so much wrong with the syntax and shit but im pushing that all aside to say how fucking difficult it is to sync sound like that even on purpose so yeah theyre def doing a cult sacrifice to the original sex god, elcrest

A moment of silence reigned and somewhere in the back of his currently panicking mind, the bewildered Conductor couldn’t help but notice that Hilda too was wearing her standard Witches’ outfit, the same form fitting black dress 

“dress” very generous for mr boob grower

and wide sweeping hat she’d become associated with for so many years. However, in her case, this wasn’t much of a surprise. As far as he’d seen from the White-Haired woman, she didn’t seem to actually own any normal, casual attire and, while he knew she deeply adored he beautiful white dress she’d unlocked when he’d purified her lonely heart, he also knew that even she couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, wearing something that was practically a wedding dress as an everyday outfit, he hadn’t seen Hilda’s Goddess Robes since the end of the final battle.

I literally cannot read any part of this paragraph except the capitalization of White-Haired and Goddess Robes this was either written in the 1700s or modern day by me dissociating in a target bathroom this is so funny if the fic gets any funnier ill die

“Alto? I’m surprised. Isn’t it a bit late for you to be visiting a woman’s bedroom?”

horny dont got business hours babe

“Ah, H-Hilda! It’s, it’s not what you’re thinking, I, Lisette!? Wha-” “Relax Alto,” the Water Witch giggled softly as she stepped forward, taking his hand again, but this time wrapping herself around his arm, “She’s just teasing you.” “Wha… Abuh?”

this is harem anime/fire emblem dialogue right down to the “Abuh?” actually thats the defining thing you hear someone say that youre in a straight anime and you need to run for your fucking life

“My apologies,” Hilda nodded, offering him a small smile in recompense as she matched Lisette’s movements, taking hold of his other hand, her pale face burning bright red as her soft fingers entwined with his, “I just, got a little flustered seeing you so suddenly… I… I wasn’t sure what to say.”

ok first of all you cannot write hilda in any realm of possibility but also like this is yet another thing to not trust men for: emphasizing the whiteness of a womans skin. he is a racist, plain and simple

Her hand squeezed nervously around his and Alto realised just how easily he could feel her racing heart through the light fabric of her dress when she pulled his arm against herself. Not that Lisette was any different, he couldn’t possibly believe in the confidant front she was showing after knowing her as long as he had, not when he could feel her entire body trembling against him.

hilda is like two ft tall howd she even reach his arm. also like there isnt even any fabric boy u raw touchin her 

His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think what to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for any of this! He’d gone from expecting to go to sleep, to being visited by Lisette, to being dragged through the halls, and now he was being sprung with some surprise meeting!? And both of them were clinging to him like never before! 

this is in character alto not wanting to have a threesome so he can go nap

He couldn’t possibly keep up. Before he even realised it, he’d been pulled all the way over to Lisette’s bed and was sitting with a girl wrapped around either of his arms.

what a problem! what a terrible day for him! what are the odds of this happening!

“What… What’s going on?” “Something good.” Hilda answered in her own cryptic fashion, her voice almost breathless and her blazing red cheeks half hidden behind his cloak as she shyly slid in right next to him.

it is most certainly not good ma’am

“That’s right,” Lisette agreed, happily snuggling up against him as she squeezed herself around his other arm, “We’re gonna help you come to a decision!”

we’re gonna make u C*M...............to a decision ;)

Alto blinked, “Eh?”

petition for this to turn out like the friends episode where ross got kicked out of a threesome with his wife and another woman bc they were lesbians so he left and made a sandwich

conveniently the fic decides to break here anyway so thats all you get for now. I’ll finish the other parts later (im expecting like maybe five because of the gargantuan size of this travesty) and link them direct from here 

Part 2 here! (coming soon)

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt.21

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21

yo whats up. before we start, a few things:

yes, adrien and nino’s kiss was before dark cupidyes, adrien knows that him and marinette kissed during dark cupid. marinette told him in ch15even if it wasn’t i doubt adrien would count dark cupid as his first kiss, seeing that he doesn’t remember it

now that thats done, warning for discussions of like...murder in this chapter? they dont actually kill anyone but theyre just like...casually discussing how you would kill someone with x or y. its mostly just ridiculous but there are a few parts that could be considered kind of gross so, tread carefully if needed. (conversation creds to @agrestenoir​, @breeeliss​, @reyxa​ and a few cameos from @chassecroise​ because i basically stole that wild ride of a conversation we were on)

enjoy?

11:24

nino: im pretty sure chat noir was just flirting with me

ladybugfan2020: get it boy would u break up with me for chat?

nino: … yeah probably

ladybugfan2020: cool same

nino: im glad were on the same page

23:57

mari: Im gonna go murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream. Bye

nino: how

ladybugfan2020: are u gonna drown in whipped cream because that would be the best death tbh

nino: i dont think its murder if you kill yourself

ladybugfan2020: i would get a sibling to do it

mari: Bad news alya

ladybugfan2020: or like……………….a hitman hire a hitman to kill you with a bowl of whipped cream

nino: yo since youre dead you dont have to pay them

mari: I dont think thats how that works

adrien: What did I just walk into??

nino: YO HITMAN HIT ME UP WITH SOME MORE WHIPPED CREAM

ladybugfan2020: how would u kno how it works mari?

mari: Hey adrien Just murdering myself with a bowl of whipped cream

adrien: Not possible

ladybugfan2020: um??? says who

adrien: Prove to me you can die by whipped cream Draw me a diagram

nino: if i had to choose a topping to die by id choose hot fudge probably

mari: Ooo

adrien: If you got a tub of whipped cream And like Just hit a person with it With like…the tub That might Kill you I guess?

nino: bruh

ladybugfan2020: but wouldnt u rather choke on whipped cream

adrien: That’s harder? Like you’d have to get it into their mouth

mari: If anyone says anything about kinks I will leave this groupcaht and terminate all friendships

nino: fucking chri st

alya: IM

adrien: Wait wait Ignore mari and her gutter mind

mari: HEY

adrien: Tell me How to kill a person with whipped cream

nino: why? you got someone you want dead? there are easier ways my dude

adrien: Indulge me

ladybugfan2020: k heres the plan u knock them out with the tub of whipped cream theyr not dead but theyr momentarily unconscious then u stuff a bunch of whipped cream in their mouth and up their nose and when they regain consciousness they choke on the whipped cream and die

adrien: Ok Ok so You take the can And beat them over the head Until unconscious

ladybugfan2020: yes

adrien: BUT You fill their nostrils

nino: apparently

adrien: With whipped cream And their mouths

ladybugfan2020: uh huh

adrien: Let it dry Until they slowly

ladybufan2020: dry??????????

adrien: Just suffocate

nino: no no put them in a freezer let the cream freeze

mari: This is not where I was expecting this conversation to go Wait what????

ladybug2020: no u wait until they regain consciousness does whipped cream dry @mari do u have whipped cream we can test stuff with

mari: Why go through all this trouble when you can just snap someones necK?

nino: put them in th e freezer so the whipped cream freezes and retains its shape

ladybugfan2020: because death by whipped cream is the best way to go

nino: itd be like shoving a throat shaped mold down their throat and they cant breath e around it and they die

ladybugfan2020: y would u do that

adrien: No man

mari: What the fukc

adrien: You’d have to like

nino: ok look you cant breathe around a block of cream in your mouth and nostrils eventually youll pass out from lack of oxygen

ladybugfan2020: ye thats teh point of putting whipped cream in their mouths

mari: But then is it death by whipped cream or just suffocation

adrien: No that’s my point

nino: so freezing it would work the best

adrien: …. Wait

ladybugfan2020: the WHIPPED CREAM is doing the suffocation

adrien: It IS death Wait No

ladybugfan2020: so it IS death by whipped cream

adrien: It’s death by whipped cream The whipped cream Caused it …. Hm

nino: yes

ladybugfan2020: ok but y does that working best matter either way

mari: Mmmm now Im thinking about death by chocolate

ladybugfan2020: they die and its death by whipped cream

adrien: Death by chocolate is more complicated

nino: if you take melted chocolate and insert it into your veins

adrien: You can’t beat someone with a Hershey’s bar

ladybug2020: putting them in the freezer would just be extra @ the freezing the whipped cream

nino: you can poison yourself

adrien: I don’t know I think chocolate is too thick for that

ladybugfan2020: about the beating what about this giant ass ones u can buy online for lots of money i dont have adrien might have to provide the murder weapon for this one

mari: I meant death by chocolate cakes adn stuff but ok Good job team

adrien: Oh

nino: the meter and a half chocolate bar al?

adrien: Just buy like… 10000 chocolate cakes

ladybugfan2020: hell yeah nino

nino: i mean… you can shove cake up their nose?  

adrien: Get a pick up truck

mari: Where the actual fuck is this going

adrien: And then just All at once

ladybug2020: nah nah you could do it the same way as the whipped cream

adrien: Drop the cakes on the person All at once

nino: run them over

adrien: Until they die NO That’s not death by chocolate cake That’s death by getting hit with a truck

mari: Alya whatare you even talkling about

ladybufan2020: u put the cake in their mouth after u knock them cold

adrien: Alya what the hell

nino: put cake over their eyes

adrien: Stop knocking them out!

mari: Why is cake on eyes????

nino: so they can pay the boat man and cross the river styx

mari: Youre spending too much time with Adrien

nino: or just throw them in the freezer

mari: Can we not just eat dessert?????

ladybugfan2020: do u kno how hard it is to put a body in a freezer

nino: not that hard

mari: How the fuck do you know??????

nino: alyas little sisters locked me in a freezer once when i brought them to her moms work it sucked man

ladybug2020: boy that was a body sized freezer

adrien: It’ll be like that scene in Tangled

mari: jfc

ladybugfan2020: u gotta have the strength to lift like,,, a pERSON

adrien: Where Rapunzel tries to put Flynn in the dresser

mari: All my friends are serial killers

ladybufan2020: thats hard bruh

nino: not if you put your back into it fireman carry

adrien: Ok question What do you do AFTER you put it in the freezer? At least if you chop a body up

nino: whoa there sweeney todd

adrien: You just drain the blood

ladybugfan2020: too messy

adrien: Fill a bag with spices Put the parts in And just throw it out

nino: just roast it though???? dude, embrace the sweeney

ladybugfan2020: no but thats not death by whatever sweet you wanna kill them with thats just killing them

nino: like if i throw it in a fire, itll smell like shit, but you can pass it off as burning trash or something

adrien: Where would you even do that? That’s so conspicuous

nino: first of all sweeney todd did it in londo n second like...farmland?

adrien: Yeah Sweeney Todd isn’t real though

ladybug2020: ah yes the farmland in paris

nino: well drive out to the farm with the body

adrien: Who are you going to blame it on when they find a burned body???

nino: theres no one around its farmland theres like 2 people they wont find a burned body

adrien: The suspect list can fit on a post it note Do you know how they identify burned bodies? We’ve watched detective shows together, right? I didn’t hallucinate that???

mari: Didnt this start with me saying I was gonna murder myself in a bowl of whipped cream

adrien: Dental records Nino

nino: just do it at a vacant farm dude

adrien: You’d have to like Pull the teeth out THEN brun them Messy but the job gets done

mari: I needed to know like -2 things I learned tonight This morngn

nino: messy???? YOU CHOPPED THEM UP

mari: This conversation is over 10 minutes long and thats about 9 minutes too long

adrien: And honestly? If you’re going through this? Just dissolve the flesh

ladybugfan2020: gross

nino: ohhh acid bath

adrien: Well you decided to murder someone Al It’s going to be gross

ladybugfan2020: where do u get acid tho cause thats a lot of acid

adrien: I’m sure you could find it somewhere

mari: Ok Im ending this conversation befor esomeone googles something they regret

ladybugfan2020: call up lb and cn we now have a solid plan for defeatin g hawk moth just beat him up with whipped cream

mari: Im going to bed I hate all of you

nino: night dude dont let the bedbugs bite

ladybugfan2020: or the murderers

mari: Fuck off

 2:46

adrien: I’ve been watching so many cop shows I could probably get away with murder

ladybugfan2020: HOW to get away with murder lmao im hilariou s

nino: yo consider this going the fuck to sleep

adrien: One more episode

nino: im gonna show up at your house and force you to go to bed

adrien: What are you going to do cuddle me to sleep?

nino: yes

ladybugfan2020: hi get a room

adrien: </3

 4:19

mari has renamed this conversation to “fuck you all”.

mari: I dreamed about murder and literally had blood all over me I hat e you peopl e

 6:48

nino: nice carrie style

 7:02

adrien has renamed this conversation to “out damned spot”.

 7:14

ladybufan2020: what a nerd

[bizzaro-stormy-blog]

Like, Questions and Stuff?

eeeeeee i dont think ive ever been tagged in one of these so thanks @latenightgaymer you are the bees knees!!

Where do you currently live? 

portland oregon

Where would you prefer to live if given the option, and why?

oregon is my home, i used to have a dream of moving back to seattle and buying back the house my grandfather built but the city has changed and so have i.

 the weather is usually perfect here (we have had waaaaay too much sun lately) theres green literally everywhere and it feels alive. 

i have always thought about alaska for the same reasons + snow

Shoe size?

14 us its hard to find cheap and nice shoes in my size

Is there a movie/book/show/game you’re looking forward to? What about it has you most excited?

i really want to borrow the scarlet gospels from my friend i know its not a new book but i want to read it super bad, also comic books from another friend (too many to list honestly but Trees, Wytches and the wicked + the Divine are at the front) id also like to read a physical copy of kill six billion demons when i can afford it.

 im super excited for the second seasons of westworld, legion and american gods aswell as the next seasons of Killjoys, the magicians, archer, my hero acadamia, steven universe, shameless, van helsing, its always sunny, RPDR and like all of the netflix shows, im also looking forward to the rest of the seasons of the good place, the orville and the mick...i might watch too much tv. 

im super excited for the .hack gu remaster, the last of us 2, shadow of the colossus remaster, cyberpunk 2077 and bloodborne 2 as unlikely as it is (miyazaki grant us a sequel as you once did for vacuous darksouls)

Wine, or hard liquor?  What is one of your preferred drinks?

i dont drink, thats not to say i havent just that it took soo much for me to feel even a tiny bit light headed im pretty sure i cant get drunk and dont see the point. im a water man and on the occasions i have soda dr pepper and root beer are king, if not lemonade i guess

Physical touch, do you enjoy it?  What’s your favorite spot, what spot do you not want to be touched?

im a bit weird here, i tend to recoil and flinch if im touched (probably a result of growing up with an older brother who used his size to be physically controling and abusive aswell as various other people in my life who have treated me as a punching bag) especially around my chest i tend to curl up and get defensive (again probably the result of an older sister who thinks twisting my nipples so hard they bleed is an apropriate answer to a disagreement).

on the other hand i am very physically affectionate i love to hug people, touch people, hold people, bite people (not in the sexy nibble way so much as the "bro did you just fucking bite me?!" way) anything really if im around other physically affectionate people which is kinda rare as there are like 2 physically affectionate people in my life and i only see one on a regular basis

Go into your YouTube history and provide the link to the 7th video in the list.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbq01mubZqc

though i had to open a video to get to my history so i guess its technically

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnq3VBQu_kI

What was the last song you listened to?

This Song By RAC ft Rostam

Do you have any thoughts on ‪Nick Jonas‬?

Who?

Water or silicone based?

well gee im a water based life form myself but id be interested in meeting a silicone based life form :p

The most illicit controlled substance you’ve partaken in?

does doctor prescribed Vicodin count?

If you could get your friends/family to watch one specific gay movie, which one would it be?

i would have to say closet monster though i think of that less as a specifically gay movie and more as a delve into the stress and pressure of someone transitioning into adulthood coming from a broken, dysfunctional and traumatic childhood, its honestly such a great movie.

 now a movie where the plot is specifically gay? the weekend, its simple sweet and is easily relatable for most people, honestly i love this movie because it doesn't over dramatize a relationship and makes the characters feel real,

orientation aside its just a good human story

Do you listen to podcasts?  If so do you listen to them while you’re doing something else?

not often its almost always a one off or the savagelovecast, i used to listen to professor blastoff regularly but stopped for some reason, usually im reading or writing and want something not as easy to zone out to as music and not as distracting as silence

What do you do on a Sunday?

not much save check for manga (i know im a neeerd) or webtoon updates which usually ends with me frustratedly remembering Tower Of God updates on Mondays

Birth sign and zodiac?  What do you like most about both, what do you like least.  If you could pick which would you prefer?

ok so in advanced astrology is not much more than a novelty for me and i generally believe signs and what not to hold no sway over real life, i do find it interesting how they can sometimes get portions of peoples personalities and lives right but i would rather attribute that to the trillions of factors that went into the conception and birth of a person before the position of far away stellar bodies (ie babies born 9 months after valentines day probably have romantic parents so they themselves are romantics? idk dude).

that said i am a Taurus and my zodiac sign is the dragon i love them and would never change them, while i dont believe they hold any greater meaning to me i do feel the bull and the dragon represent me more as symbols of myself, though strangely i cant seem to escape them (along with crows and bears...idk dude my conscious and unconscious worlds are strange).

In front of my salad?

Bitch if you would stop breaking into my house to eat your salads you wouldn't be seeing anything you dont want to.

Last book or comic you enjoyed?

uuh physical book? shiiiiit its been a minute but it was ether a david sedaris book or a reread of the water mirror series. 

comic books? old man logan was amazing and i always reread Dango Sunshine occasionally. 

if webcomics count then kill six billion demons, a better place, avas demon, paranatural, gunnerkrigg court, cassiopeia quinn, unsounded,  gloomverse, mokepon and i just reread both Vibe and JUNE (if you havent read any of these please check them out they are amazing)

A kink or fetish you have,  can you explain how it became one for you?

uhmmm i dont know dude im pretty vanilla i dont have allot (read any) experience so im pretty open to trying anything really, i dont know dude even if im outwardly an asshole sometimes when it comes down to it so long as you arent forcing yourself upon someone or something unable (unaware, underdeveloped or unable to fully understand what it means) to give consent im open to you and will atleast try to understand you and your kink and maybe participate with you if thats your goal....

....ok so i might have one fetish? tattoos are hot af that is all...

Supply the link to either an image or video you think will bring a chuckle to those following you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0c29Cu_8bQ

imma just tag yous guys cause you are the collective best

@sbot12 @bonefireheart9 @that1cameraguy @incredible91 @dammitcat @mapcus

[thornstocutyouwith]

Beauty and The Beast

( A conversation I am having with a friend where I am summarizing disney movies. I haven’t seen the movie in a couple of years. Nor did I even pretend to have a filter, so it is raw and might be insensitive or offensive to some. I’m not sorry. Because that’s more of a you problem.)

Beauty and the beast It starts out with the town weirdo singing as she walks through town This makes everyone else sing out of fear that she will bewitch them if the do not appease her as they have seen her reading books all throughout town and fiddling with sheep At some point, she threatens a sheep to stop eating her god damn book, or she's going to make it into a sweater. Then she goes home where her loon of a father is (Friend:" Thats my biggest issue (in the new movie) No sheep NO SHEEP") and she says nothing about the wackjob in town hitting on her. (Friend: "HOW DARE THEY") Who has the ego the size of a planet and the dumbest hair ever. Anyway Belle continues on doing whatever it is Belle does. And her father outs the fuck from that place he gots shit to do and freakish machines to sell so he can support his daughter who don't do anything but run around town forcing people to sing with her and read books. this leads him to the prince's castle which everyone outside the castle had just completely forgotten about. So no one decided to fucking check on the place in ten years. Because everyone in their village is fucking stupid. Which means the prince starved to death possibly and this story takes place in an alternate reality. Or a death dream Anyway! Beast, as a ten year old child answered the door to his palace because that's fucking not weird at all Where are his parents? DISNEY KILLED THEM where are the GUARDS?! DRUNKS! ALL OF THEM Anyway So anyway The old hag shambles her way up to the doorway and is staring at the prince and going "Imma fuck this ten year old up!" WHen the prince, being a typical young little boy addresses the old lady in a typical little boy fashion She curses him To potentially suffer something for the rest of his life because HOW DARE HE CALL HER NAMES AND REJECT HER FUCK THAT LITTLE BOY! HE SHOULD BURN IN HELL but she stops herself from doing that because that would be TOO evil. Also for no reason what so ever, other than to be a bitch she turns everyone inside the castle into furniture, too. Even though they didn't do shit to her. Which beast will spend the next few years in rage, destroying in some way mostly mentally. Because who could ever love a beast?! Fast forward back to Belle Who notices her dad hasn't returned. So she goes out in the cold of night and looks for him! BECAUSE she is very intelligent She's read books before. Anyway She walks up to the gate that has never  ever been locked for some reason Which could have saved us all this trouble in the first place and goes right up to the palace. " HELLO, is there any princes here? I heard stories." No one replies But the candle stick Just cannot help his gay self. So he must speak " YO, Girl, please, take a seat. Enjoy the heat." The clock hates him Hates him so much " WHy don't you ever just shut the fuck up!" " YOU are going to make him angry!" The candle is like " Shhh, if we make the girl fall in love with him, We can get back to fucking-ER, I mean. I can fuck the maids." Anyway Belle eventually finds her father deep inside the house Castle and she is like " Yo, what up old man. It's been a minute. How you been?" And her dads like " BELLE YOU MUST LEAVE! HE WILL HEAR YOU!" But it's too late because that freak been following that fine ass out the gate. Anyway Belle eventually offers herself as a replacement for her father because Beast can't very well marry a crusty old man. And Belle knows this. Plus, she has a thing for furries. Its a kink she has never told anyone before. Shooing her father out into the harsh cold, Beast gives bell a Lavish room, not liking the idea of keeping her up in the freezing cold tower. At this point, the dresser comes to life and tells bell that The Beast is just a mentally handicapped man who never learned how to stop acting like a a victim Mostly because he is the victim in this story. Anyway Belle is told to go the fuck to dinner BELLE REFUSES this angers his royal bitchiness. And he yells at her before stomping off because, even though he could of torn that door down he didn't. Once she has more conversation with the dresser she eventually leaves the room and does some night exploring Presumably, the prince is asleep Because he's normal and doesn't stay up all night partying like other 20-year-old people we know, GASTON! BELLE! Anyway The Candle is like " Imma get these two together if I have to fucking burn this place down to do it!" And the Clock is becoming increasingly more nervous and annoyed. So bell enters the kitchen where everything comes to life and starts singing and dancing around for some fucking reason Belle, who has not once been completely stunned or horrified at the fact that these things are people. Continues to be a prick by eating the food they slaved over. Sometime after this she is shown the library, which is incredible. May the ladders reach all the way to the top. Also, Beast never once picked up any of these books. BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO READ. Need I say more on his stunted mental development? Belle goes on to try and learn him some readings. And they go outside and play in the snow I will assume this is where the second movie takes place. Though I am not sure And I do not even care Because that movie sucked. Some time passes and all is going well for them until Belle steps into the forbidden room. Which beast is, obviously and reasonably pissy about. I wouldn't like a room where a picture of me at twenty years old hung when I was transformed as a ten year old. Explains why the god damn painting was ripped the way it had been Who wants to look at an image of a man who doesn't exist?! THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU! Anyway, not wanting to keep her around any longer, he tells her to get the fuck out of his castle, and Belle does. Only to be attacked by wolves. Which beast then saves her from. At the expense of his own health. They go back to the castle where she tends to his wounds and he is like " Maybe I can fall in love with her." Teapots love this. Miss Potts ships Bellest.(Kinda of sounds like Blessed, lol) ANYHOO! Chip just can't wait to see what the other 20 of his brothers and sisters even looks like. Belle eventually leaves and goes home Where moments later Gaston is like " PUT THAT MAN IN A CRAZY HOUSE." which he has a good reason for. The dude was babbling about stuff in the bar where Gaston was having his gay sing and dance off at. Belle being the intelligent well read girl that she is reveals the beast to everyone pretty much. And as if she had never grown up with any of these people Apparently doesn't think before saying or doing anything near them. Gaston goes "W E MUST KILL THE BEAST! Because I am also into furries! AND I am jealous." " IF I can't have a furry or Belle, NO ONE WILL HAVE A FURRY! AND I WILL STEAL BELLE!" So they all get their pitch forks and torches out and run for the castle that they had been ignoring for probably more than a decade. THEY CHARGE THE CASTLE where Beast is like " I heard stories about this from other palace's but never had a royal family ever been through a mob!" Because The Romanov's didn't get murdered around that time That I can remember right now. ANYWAYS! They break into the castle, and many villagers and furniture people died. Gaston eventually finds the beast and is like " HOW CAN BELLE CHOOSE YOU OVER ME?! LOOK HOW HAIRY MY CHEST IS!" ANd they fight! Gaston eventually stabs the beast, but before the beast can be majorly affected by his wounds  Gaston falls to his death. Because No one Dies like Gaston! And no one flies like Gaston. Good fucking Bye, Gaston! Anyway the beast falls onto a part of the house we have never seen BUT Belle knows exactly where it is. So she runs to his side and kisses him at the last moment, where Beast Finally transforms into Tarzan’s Great GrandFather. Belle stares at him for one minute and goes " Well, you ain't no furry, but you will do." And then The Beast, still suffering from his wounds, collapses and dies from his injuries. There is no real The Beauty and The Beast Two. the story begins and ends here Everything else is just a money grab.