#“life goes on” girl whos made peace with the reality

[ratatatastic]

"its gonna come when it comes and if it doesnt it doesnt and you know life goes on" this is not the contract talk i wanted ekky have you considered im gonna walk into zitos office with a pitchfork because LIFE DOES NOT GO ON TF

toronto maple leafs @ florida panthers pregame interview | 11.27.24 (x)

[the-crooked-library]

The Gender Narrative - from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to A24

Alright so I know this topic has probably been explored to hell and back (pun intended), but a transgender lens reading of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has beckoned me for years; and seeing I Saw the TV Glow yesterday was probably the last push I needed to get this out in writing. As we know, the film features a fictional television show heavily inspired by BTVS - and the framing highlights the same aspects I've wanted to dissect, so let's dive into it.

Spoilers under the cut!

Throughout its run, and despite its imperfections, BTVS drew much of its messaging from 90s (and early 2000s)-era feminism. Buffy's presentation as a sparkly, pink, girly girl is central to her character and her destiny. She is an icon of what girls can do and accomplish, even with the whole world against them - and, in this context, it is absolutely, startlingly captivating that her personal life revolves around a perpetual struggle for her right to girlhood.

Despite being the picture-perfect blonde Valley Girl on the surface, Buffy often finds herself barred from that existence by her Slayer identity. She is consistently perceived as too strong, too capable, too aggressive, too independent, too dangerous - and, ultimately, too masculine to participate even in the most stereotypical milestones of a girl in high school. Still, that experience is what she craves the most; so she signs up for the cheer squad, she loves shopping, she runs for Prom Queen, and she goes out slaying in a halter top, with perfect bouncy curls. In essence, Buffy Summers is desperate to pass - which takes us to ISTTG and the root of its story.

The two main characters of ISTTG - "Owen" and "Maddy" - are obsessed with a popular YA series, The Pink Opaque; which, between its credits font, its girl power themes, and monster-of-the-week format, is demonstrated to be an in-universe parallel to BTVS. The Buffy equivalent - or, the pink, pretty, sensitive, and powerful Isabel - is a point of utter fascination for "Owen."

there are no good stills of her online yet please forgive me

She is everything he wants to be, everything he is meant to be; and the time he spends with "Maddy", wearing a pink dress, a pink ghost drawn on the back of his neck, the pink glow of the TV vivid on his face, is the only time he feels anything approaching to happiness or peace. The very first sequence of the film establishes that "Owen" barely responds to his own name, that his father is a walking threat of what society commands him to become, and that his mother is loving but distant. Even later on, when he apparently has a "family of [his] own", we never even see their faces. Within the context of his life, he is little more than a ghost, going through the motions; and as the story goes on, it is revealed that "Owen" is Isabel, trapped in a false reality by Mr. Melancholy, the Big Bad of TPO. Her heart was carved out, she is drugged, and buried alive; and the sound of her slowly choking to death overlays "Owen's" steadily worsening asthma.

There is no denying the truth of that alternate existence by the end of the film. "Owen's" life is a nightmarish suffocation. Isabel is dying from a life of a boy she never was - in what is, explicitly, a transgender narrative.

The same story is directly mirrored by "Maddy."

Within the premise of ISTTG, she is the similarly trapped and suffocating "Tara"; or, the second half of the Pink Opaque - who, over the course of the film, discovers the truth of their reality, returns to the world of the TV show, and then comes back, unwilling to leave Isabel behind. However, what is particularly notable is that while her character's name is, of course, an homage to Tara Maclay (made all the more obvious via Amber Benson's cameo), the "Tara" of TPO is nothing like the soft-spoken, pastel-wearing witch.

Instead, she is a bold, loud punk with slicked-back hair and a leather jacket, who snarks at the monsters-of-the-week and speaks in poetry - she's Spike; and that provides the basis for her dynamic with "Owen" throughout the film.

In the world of BTVS, Spike is largely presented as a foil to Buffy's character. He is her thematic (and extremely sexually compatible) opposite; and that extends to his own relationship with gender. His story arc is defined by his struggle to be perceived as a man; on the Watsonian level, it is an identity persistently overshadowed by his vampirism - and in the Doylist sense, his poetry, occasional eyeliner, and painted nails might have something to do with that situation. Regardless, it is a significant factor in his narrative, both before and after his original, human death - to the point where he bonds with Buffy's mother, Joyce, specifically because she "treated [him] like a man"; and in the context of ISTTG, the same themes extend directly to "Maddy." In S5:Ep7 of BTVS (Fool for Love), Spike states that "getting killed made [him] feel alive for the very first time" - and when "Maddy" returns from the world of TPO, she explains that the only way to survive what Mr. Melancholy had done to them was to bury herself alive and die in the false world. Her statement is a monologue of slam poetry, spoken without interruption and illuminated by the steady blue of a high school planetarium; and while "Owen's" experience of blue lighting is usually aggressive and abrasive, "Maddy's" is soothing. It is right. It ties directly to what she is meant to be, even as her story inevitably terrifies "Owen" - who, much like Buffy, is not yet ready to face the truth of who he is or allow himself to indulge the desires he's buried for all his life.

From what I understand, the finale of the film has proven to be divisive; some interpret it as hopeful, others as crushingly bleak - but as a BTVS fan, and a trans man myself, I cannot see it as anything other than a peak of sheer, overwhelming panic that is only experienced at the very precipice of Change. My reason for it is rooted in the parallels between the respective season 5 finales of BTVS and TPO. For Isabel and "Tara," the story ends with their apparent defeat at the hands of Mr. Melancholy; and Buffy's ends with her sacrificing herself to save the world. She dies. She is buried. And then there's season 6. As such, inevitably, "Owen" is going to accept the truth of himself; he is going to die, Isabel is going to claw her way out of a grave - and when she does, only one person is going to understand what happened.

In conclusion - they are T4T. To me. And to Jane Schoenbrun, I suppose.

[lonniemachin]

Eman reached out to me to help share her fundraiser. She is a Palestinian mother of twin girls, Sara and Huda, who are currently residing in southern Gaza and urgently raising money to evacuate to Egypt. Her fundraiser has stopped receiving donations within the past couple of days, and she has only made $220 out of her currently $15,000 goal! Please donate and share, and if you can't donate, please still share!

Eman's Twitter/X account: @emanhajjaj86

From Eman's family's GFM:

To My Dear Friends,

Huda and Sara, twins who are twelve years old, stand together in the middle of Gaza as witnesses to the destruction that our home is enduring as the situation unfolds. Our family of four, including our parents, Abdelhadi and Eman, endures the daily fight for survival, a demonstration of the strength needed after devastation.

Our brand-new haven was leveled to the ground on the night of the battle, destroying all but the remnants of our hopes and dreams. Amidst the mayhem, we find solace in the familiar, a life that was once adorned with the innocent delights of youth.

We have sought refuge in the camps in southern Gaza, but the constant din of bombs here makes us question our own survival. The daily struggle for food, water, and the illusory promise of safety is an interminable one.

We humbly want your assistance, filled with both despair and optimism. Our plea is straightforward: cross borders, seek refuge in safety, and retrace the route to prosperity and education. Egypt stands out like a light of hope, offering a fresh start far from the chaos that has engulfed our life.

With the help of your kind donations, we may begin our journey, giving us a second chance to rebuild and restore the hopes and dreams that the war had taken away. Our family's safe journey, a doorway to a future when peace is more than a wish—it will be a genuine reality—requires a total of $40,000.

Donations of any size are greatly appreciated and represent a powerful show of solidarity that reflects the resilience of the human spirit. Together, we can change our fate. Help us build a story of perseverance that goes beyond the obstacles of war by joining us in this mission to turn despair into hope.

Best regards and best wishes,

Sara, Huda, Abdelhadi, and Eman

(The Youtube links provided are from the description of the fundraiser page)

[paddlescuddlesbubblesgurgles]

Ideals

My ideal submissive and feedee is smaller than me. Shorter. Not quite as heavy. Someone I can throw around or push over. She would be able to eat a lot, but I still outclass her pretty handily. I want to be her garbage disposal.

I like all manners of submission, but a sub who wants me to take care of her is really special. Planning her days by the hour, picking her clothes, her makeup, her nails, her hair, her meals, how much she eats…removing as much choice and thinking as possible. Removing as many obstacles as I can to allow her to focus on her passions, and looking pretty for me is ideal. If I can enable her to grow and flourish and bloom, then I’ve done my job.

Ideally, she loves praise and being rewarded. She loves doing things I set out for her, and she loves doing things together. She loves completing tasks, making reports, and researching. She also loves games of all kinds, expressing herself through her art(whatever it is), and is certainly a real dorky nerd. She loves eating. She simply must love eating. She must love being trained. I love training submissive a little each day, and introducing them to more and more things I know they will love, and that will maximize their pleasure. She must also love routines. There doesn’t have to be many rules, perhaps just one: listen.

I like being much bigger, 100lbs+ and a foot taller. I want my hands to be massive on her. I want her to feel small and protected, even if she’s really quite huge. I want to tower over her and be able to wrap my arms around her either because they’re so long, or she’s so squishy.

Fat girls always giggle and squeal when you can manhandle them. One of my favorite tricks to pull out of my hat. So what you weigh 300lbs+? I can fling you across the room or hold you where I need you no problem. Really get me going and I may just lift you up. Adrenaline is a powerful thing.

I want to build a space for her around me where she’s heard, celebrated, and made to feel safe. Where her dreams are reality. I want her time around me to feel like a fantasy come to life. If I can make the world revolve around her, I will. I want to spoil her rotten, and then some. I want her to feel open to experimentation, and to trying new things.

I want to completely redefine pleasure for her. Mind shattering orgasms. I want her dedication and devotion to be rewarded. Hours of playing with her until her body can’t take it and she explodes in desire. I want trust, too. If she trusts, I trust, and we go places neither of us ever have. Deep, intense sessions with all manner of new and different kinks we’ve never fully tried, or that require total abandonment of reservation. All in the pursuit of a greater pleasure, and a greater peace together. Ideally, we will be able to play each other like fiddles.

Feedism fits perfectly in this dynamic for me. Stuffing, gaining weight, and pushing limits are all common, and are mirrored in D/S dynamics in general. It also goes hand in hand with pleasure control. Eating in extreme excess simply for enjoyment fits right alongside pushing the body and the mind for maximum pleasure.

Because I like to take care of my submissive, DD/LG dynamics also work well for me. Creating a fun, relaxed, and completely cute environment where thought, choice, and even talking is totally optional and entirely not necessary is easy for me. I love gift giving and planning out activities, so it’s easy for me to create a little space for the submissive. I’m also a total sucker for extreme cuteness.

Ideally we are a 24/7 dynamic as well, and romantic partners. A deep connection made only stronger by placing each other in each other’s hands every day. I’ve only ever had a 24/7 dynamic once, and it redefined what I thought possible.

In my world with my submissive, there IS takesy backsies. Safe words, traffic lights, serious aftercare, and session logs are all regular. To go to these deep places far in our minds and hearts, there must be ways to come out of it, heal from it, or stop it. At any time I want the communication to be open. We can rewind, end, or redefine things as needed to help each other reach these new depths of pleasure. Things can be added or removed at will, and we can fix things that don’t feel right.

In my mind, my submissive is trusting me to take her to places she’s never been in her own mind, and in pleasure as a whole. She’s trusting me to take as much off her mind as possible, so she can be free. I want to do the thinking, and the planning, and the worrying so she doesn’t have to.

thanks for reading!

[snootlestheangel]

If someone hasn't asked yet Pricegravesnik for that ship thing :D

Ooohhh a challenge! Let's see where this goes lol

They're all married for this btw

If anyone wants to submit another ship, please do so! If you actually have other ideas for the questions "Like who takes the hottest showers?" then I'd love to hear them!

Who was the one to propose? Actually I want to say Price when he proposed to Nik. I want to say neither were willing to commit to marrying each other for a couple years until something happened and Price realized it's never a guarantee to keep the good things in life, so might as well keep them close while you can. Nik's the one that started the flirting with Graves and wanted to propose to him, but Graves beat him to it. (my tired brain made me read that as Graves proposed to himself, which honestly? He would. He'd do it just to mess with them and go "Sorry, I'm already engaged")

Who stressed more over wedding planning? I genuinely see Nik as the one that was flipping out the whole time. Graves was surprisingly the least stressed (he was recruiting his Shadows for help shhhhh) and Price was experiencing about the normal level of stress you'd expect for a wedding.

Who decorated the house? Graves. In truth, it was a mostly group effort; Price's favorite recliner is there, Nik's very nice, suspiciously acquired liquor cabinet, a few things they've both received from Laswell, Farah, Alex, and the 141 boys. But Graves is the true decorator. Granted, most of this stuff is gifts from the Shadows when they heard he was getting married.

Who does the cooking? I, again, want to say Graves's Southern ass does, but like... I feel like Price knows his way around a kitchen, ya know? Nik is banished from kitchens.

Who is more organized? None of them are necessarily organized per say. Graves is the best at keeping the appearance of being organized but in reality it's Price. Graves's planners are always neat, his desk is always neat, but that doesn't mean shit. Price's office always looks like Nik landed a copter too close but he knows exactly where everything is and he's the most on top of schedules/appointments/important dates.

Who suggested kids first? Nik. Like as a serious suggestion. He's seen the way both his husbands are, and he just knows they'd be wonderful dads. Desperately wants to be a girl dad.

Who's the cuddler? Nik is the cuddliest, but Graves is a close second. Price just wants some fucking peace and quiet.

Who is big spoon/little spoon? Graves always ends up the little spoon of at least one of them. As much as he tries his best to be a big spoon and big spoon only, he always ends up in the middle of them with one wrapped around behind him. Nik is always a big spoon though, and somehow Price ends up being the little spoon. (Graves is not complaining, he's got two bears for husbands so you know ending up in the middle of that is hella nice. And he should be thankful) *I am extremely jealous of Graves now but I have no one to blame but myself and maybe @midnight193 for submitting this ship*

What's their favorite non-sexual activity? Probably something quiet, but at the same time they're all so chaotic it'd never stay quiet long, so I almost want to say something like *mind blanks* Um.... Honestly? Bowling. Don't ask me why, it just popped in there and now I can't get that mental image out of my head. That or axe-throwing cause they're each such show-offs. Graves gets a +2 strength bonus when the Shadows are around

Who comes home drunk at 3am? Nik. Is there really any other answer? It's not often, it's still a rarity, but still. That! Or it's Graves after a party with his Shadows. He's always absolutely blasted after social engagements involving alcohol with his Shadows

Who kills the spiders? Price. None of them are afraid, but Graves did have one really bad allergic reaction once and ever since then Price is the one to kill the spiders. Nik tried using fire once. It did not work. He is no longer allowed to kill spiders, even though he promises to never do it again

Who falls asleep first? Hot take? Graves. He's going 100 all day and just crashes once it's bedtime. Sometimes, if Nik and Price are coming home late, they walk in to see Graves just sprawled out on the bed, having not even bothered taking his jeans off and he is out cold. (of course they always gently get him into bed proper and that's how he ends up in the middle)

A head-canon? Nik is a human furnace, which is partly why he has to be one of the ends when they cuddle/sleep. There have been times where he's ended up in the middle and Price is just on the floor cause HOT. Graves, a true Texan (he's Texan right? *I am having an existential crisis over this for some reason??*) is used to the heat, and is secretly sometimes reminded of home with it, so he's okay with being swarmed by human heater Nik. Price, a fucking Brit, can't stand it when he's too warm for comfort. He'd rather kill his back sleeping on the floor or their really shitty couch than be trapped with that. A second one because why not? Price always ends up being the "victim" of sexual jokes/blatant nasty flirting from Graves and Nik. He can be chilling, minding his business, and suddenly one of them says something really dirty to the other and Price, the poor thing, it's not his fault he gets so easily flustered!

Do they have any rituals? Graves has so many rituals when it's Shadow Olympics week. There's too many to count but they're all vital for his team winning, and even some of them to ensure none of his Shadows are harmed/all have fun. Nik constantly teases him for being a dad, which ends up in Graves calling himself Daddy and making Price snort his tea. Price has incredible oral hygiene, and the other two have pretty normal routines for that sort of thing. Nik's only "ritual" is the series of stretches he does before flying. It took a while for Graves to be able to witness it, so Price once recorded it and sent it to him.

Who has the most patience? Nik, a thousand times over. Price has to deal with Soap, Ghost, and Gaz on a constant basis. And those boys are so needy they can't just leave him alone during leave, either! Graves can be pretty patient, but after a long day of dealing with hyperactive Shadows and a giant techie with chronic anxiety, he gets a little snippy. Nik on the other hand? Totally chilled out like 90% of the time. He's had a couple of bad days where he'll scowl at someone annoying him and the very rare occasions that he does lose his cool. Ghost has witnessed this once, and the rant Nik was on wasn't even directed at him, but he's still traumatized by it (@cod-dump has an incorrect quotes that definitely inspired this. In fact! Mike is the fucking reason I'm obsessed with Graves now! So *angrily stomps but it's more like a cute puppy* damn you! This is your fault!)

Gif that sums up their relationship?

I dunno I tried. I searched too long and this is all I could come up with

[kendelias]

 katie’s neverending ocs 🦇   ↳ cordelia ward (✗)

Cordelia just wanted to be a normal girl. She wanted to go to school, hang out with her friends, go to Harvard, and pass the bar. But really, she was doomed from the start. Her mother, a reality TV debutante who split the moment she was born, and father, an action movie star who couldn't leave their front door without getting mauled by fans, made a normal life nearly impossible - especially when her father died, leaving his only daughter behind and totally alone. With no one left to take care of her or take her in, she ended up in foster care, eventually landing in the home of former Hollywood power couple Ronan and Marlene Ramsey. Looking to rediscover the fame they now lacked and yet desperately craved, the Ramseys packed her and her foster siblings up and moved them straight into the Palm Woods - home to the stars. While her foster parents push her siblings into the spotlight, Cordelia - or Del, as she goes by nowadays - tries desperately to stay out of it. After it took both her parents from her, she wanted nothing to do with Hollywood, not even the whacky (albeit semi-endearing) residents of the Palm Woods. For a while, it worked; her standoffish attitude and aloof persona drove everybody but her new best friend, fellow Palm Woods outcast Emerson Owens, away. She even got to go to the public school down the street instead of enrolling in the Palm Woods's joke of a school. Life isn't perfect, far from it, but hey, it could be worse. Then the newest additions to the Palm Woods arrive - the boys of Big Time Rush. Causing chaos and wreaking havoc left and right, they instantly disrupt the fragile peace maintained at the apartment complex, and unlike their neighbors, seem pretty unwilling to leave Del alone. Ever since she ran into their lead singer and (rightfully) pushed him into the pool, they've kept roping her further and further into their hijinks, turning her world completely upside down. Yet for some reason, she's drawn to Kendall Knight and his band of blundering idiots. Yes, their stupidity is astounding, and yes, they might all end up behind bars before they're 18 - but for the first time since her dad died, she finally feels alive, and that has to count for something. Don't get her wrong; she still wants to leave this town, go to Harvard, and never look back. But maybe she can have some fun in the meantime. Growing up and getting out can wait a while. After all, what's the big time rush?

[sournatromanoff]

Angels Like You

I am so excited to share the first part of my new story with you all! Each chapter coincides with a song, and this chapter’s song is “When I Dream at Night” by Marc Anthony. Feel free to listen to it, and I really hope you enjoy this 🥰

Prologue - When I Dream at Night

Walking through a field of wheat, Elvis felt more at peace than he had in a long time. No family troubles, no media riding his tail, no fans swarming him wherever he goes, and best of all, no Colonel telling him what he should be doing. He could just walk through the field for hours, feel the sun on his face and the ground beneath his feet.

There was just one thing missing, and Elvis knew exactly what it was. The girl that he would meet in these fields. She wasn’t here. Everytime she was here with him, he truly forgot about life away from this field. He was consumed by her, her soft hair, her dress flowing in the breeze. Her skin, her smile, her laugh. Her voice. God, her voice was the best thing he would ever hear. And yet, he knew that as soon as he left the field, it would all be gone. She would be gone without a trace, and he would be left once again with his normal thoughts, his anxieties.

Elvis knew he had dug himself into quite the situation. He had fallen for a girl who didn’t exist, and yet he still came back for more. Maybe it was because he couldn’t find anyone who made him feel the way she did. Or maybe, just maybe, he felt more alive when dreaming about her than he did awake, living his day to day. And he would gladly keep visiting her in dreamland, as long as he could stay by her side.

A song filled the air, shifting his reality once again. Her voice flooded into his ears, and Elvis knew she had finally arrived to bring him life once again. Her voice was sweeter than any music he heard, more heart wrenching than an aria. Her melody filled him with such passion, such joie de vivre. Even with his own love of music, nothing was quite like her. He could listen to her for as long as the universe let him, and he would.

Elvis watched as she came into view, singing a song that he couldn’t hear the words of, and yet he seemed to understand perfectly. He listened as her slight rasp ran through the words to the song, the melody seemingly coming from her soul, all the way out of her mouth.

As she got closer, Elvis could finally hear the words. I only feel alive when I dream at night. Even though she’s not real, it’s alright. It was as if she was reading his mind, reading into his soul. He walked over to meet her, the song he heard from her fading when he stopped in front of her. He reached out his hand to brush against hers, and Elvis felt the telltale shock of energy when she grabbed onto his hand with her own. He looked down at her face, glowing in the sunlight, and saw the smile etched onto her lips. Her teeth shone in the daylight like porcelain, and her eyes were galaxies that held the secrets to the universe, and Elvis wanted to learn each and every one of them.

There were so many things Elvis had wanted to say to her, so many things he thought about during his waking moments. And yet, being here with her now, all of those thoughts vanished as he gazed upon her beauty. He knew he’d find a different moment for those words, but for now, he’d rather just keep her company in the fields of his dreams.

Elvis watched as she guided him to a tree at the end of the wheat field, sitting down before gesturing for him to sit with her. As soon as he sat down, she moved to lay on his lap. The two stayed like that for a while, before she started singing again. Elvis listened as she sang, finally able to distinguish more lyrics. I only feel alive when I dream at night. Every move that she makes holds my eyes. And I fall for her everytime. He almost chuckled at the song, the irony of it not being lost on him. Elvis was only ever truly alive when he was dreaming of her, dreaming of being with her. Even with all their talking, he never knew her name. But, he supposed, if she wasn’t real, there was no need for her to have one.

The girl on his lap kept singing, shifting a bit so that she was looking up at him, her back even on his lap. Her hand moved to touch his face, caressing him as if he would disappear if she were too harsh with her touches. Elvis began to run his own hand through her hair, scratching at her scalp as he went. She sighed at the feeling, switching to humming the rest of her song before finally finishing. She gazed up into his eyes, watching as the blue nebulas swirled with admiration and passion.

“Your eyes are filled with such depth, Elvis. I could get lost in them forever.” The girl laid a hand on his cheek, gazing into his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder, though, what else is behind them? You always look so sad when I see you.” Elvis sighed, moving his hand up to grasp hers, still at his cheek. “I just wish I could be here with you all the time, angel. I only ever feel alive when I’m here with you. Like everything else just…falls away, I suppose.” She gave a small chuckle, and Elvis furrowed his brow. “What is it?” She sighed happily. “Nothing, it’s just that, I feel exactly the same way. Like even though this is only temporary, it’s the one thing I look forward to anymore. Seeing you.”

It was Elvis’ turn to chuckle. “I could say the same thing, darling. But angels like you can’t fly down here with me. Not for long. Maybe that’s why we can only stay like this. Stay dreaming.” He knew she wasn’t real. He knew this was his subconscious playing a trick. But he still wanted to stay with her, have her wrapped in his arms.

The girl on his lap sighed softly. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re the angel here? Maybe you were sent for me, not the other way around.” Elvis opened his mouth, ready to ask what she could possibly mean, when he heard a voice call out for him. “Elvis. Elvis!”

Elvis woke up with a start. He was face down in bed, his mother shaking him awake. When he rolled over to face her, his mother smiled at him. “Finally, satnin. I was about to get your father in here to wake you. I swear, sometimes you sleep like the dead. It’s time to wake up, we’ve got a big day planned for you. And to think, you’re finally 22!”

As his mother walked out of his bedroom and down the stairs, Elvis laid back, wishing he could go back to sleep. “Another year, Another day waiting to go back to see her.”

~~~~

Hearing a banging on her door, Y/N awoke abruptly. Moaning softly, she got out of bed before opening her apartment door. When she did, she saw her band mate and best friend Dolly with an annoyed look on her face. “We have 2 hours to get to the Mint, and you’re napping? I get you’ve been having trouble sleeping, but today’s important. It’s our first show!” Sighing, Y/N opened the door for Dolly to enter the apartment. “I’m sorry, Dolly. I wasn’t trying to make us late. I set an alarm and everything, I swear. I just…needed an extra boost.” The singer sat down before grabbing her song book and writing down a line from her dream. “And if you were really worried, you could’ve used the key I gave you. It’s for emergencies, after all.”

Dolly sat down next to Y/N, watching as her friend wrote. “Another Elvis dream, I’m guessing? You always write the saddest stuff after having them. This has to be the third time this week alone.” Getting up to change into her outfit for the show, Y/N nodded in acknowledgment. “I know, I probably should see a sleep therapist or something. But whenever I dream of him, it just fuels my music, you know? I know exactly what I should be writing, and I know what I’m supposed to be doing. things become clear when I’m with him. Is that totally crazy? It’s like I’m meant to be dreaming of him for whatever reason.”

Grabbing her boots, Y/N listened as her friend responded. “I don’t think it’s totally crazy. But I do think it’s concerning that you keep dreaming of a dead rockstar every other night, and that it’s how you get your muse. There are other ways for you to find a muse, Y/N. You just need some help finding it again, I think.” The singer nodded along, listening as the bassist gave her thoughts on the matter. “Ok. Maybe tonight will help me find some inspiration. Why don’t we get going, and I’ll try to forget about all of these dreams for the night?”

Y/N grabbed her keys before leading Dolly down the stairs of the complex to her car, singing a song. As she sang, she avoided her friend’s gaze. She knew this wasn’t forgetting, but she also knew she would never be able to get the dreams of her hero and crush out of her head no matter how hard she tried.

‘Cause I only feel alive when I dream at night. Even though he’s not real, it’s alright….

[valandhirwriter]

Gaunter o'Dimm (because I was asked about him and ... well), Rand al'Thor and uuuuuuh Bilbo 😂

Now, that's an interesting set of characters you chose.

Let's start

Gaunter O'Dimm

How I feel about this character: I honestly dislike the character, concept and all. The GoD wordplay was way too obvious, and I felt he didn't really fit the world as a whole.

That being said, he is a wonderful excuse, as there was one God-like being in the world, one can now go and work in other deities, or deity-like beings and no one can say that such things don't exist in canon.

As a person I dislike Gaunter, he's a putz.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Only those I would wish severely punished. Radovid and other monsters can happily have a tumble with Gaunter and then die painfully from his schemes.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: All the Hags from Aretuza.

My unpopular opinion about this character: he's lame. One of the lamest versions of Devil Pact one could write.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Gaunter being proven a fraud. Just a person playing with peoples fears and having delusions of grandeur.

Rand al'Thor

How I feel about this character: I like his character arc, as the readers we get to witness him growing from that farmboy, to a hero, to a leader, and to a man who transcends reality. He goes on this incredible journey, but a part of him always remains that boy from the two Rivers, even when he retrieves the memories of his former life. While he is not my favourite character in WoT, he is one I always rooted for.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: his canon ships: Min/Elayne/Aviendha, and my secret guilty pleasure is Rand al'Thor/Galad Trakand. And yes, I know that would be inknowing incest, as they share the same mother.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Perrin Aybara and Lan al'Mandragoran.

Lan and Rand share so many things, both had to rise to leadership young, Rand as the dragon reborn and Lan as the King of a destroyed nation, and both never could escape their war with the Dark One. Rand says in the end that Lan taught him how to stand tall, and that's so true.

Perrin is Rand's childhood friend and steadfast support. I could see him even as a romantic option for Rand, though his role as the solid friend on whom Rand could always rely is easily as strong. There is a dichotomy in their arcs, as Rand embraces being the Dragon Reborn (eventually) while Perrin struggles with being a Lord and a Leader for most of the story. he doesn't want people to follow him, but they do, because Perrin is a solid leader and Perrin with the banner of Manetheren is just... yes!!

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think most readers will agree that he is as stubborn as a dozen mules, so that doesn't count. His eternal distrust for anything Aes Sedai is also somewhat annoying, but most fans will agree there too.

My personal gripe with him is the multitude of girls he has. Lady Selene, Elayne, Aviendha, Min... that's such teenager wish-fullfilment, it is annoying.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Oh there are many, I will leave it with two.

Him and Galad talking after Tarmon Gai'don. Gawyn told Galad that Galad had a half brother, so their encounter would be great. Before Tarmon Gai'don would even be better (if Galad could receive the information) because the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of Light and the Dragon Reborn would be a match made in Chaos.

Rand and Tam finding each other again after Tarmon Gai'don. Tam deserves to know that while Rand's body died on Shayol Ghul, Rand's soul did not. But I console myself that Tam may find peace in protecting Elayne's children, and thus getting to know his grandchildren.

Bilbo Baggins

How I feel about this character: I love Bilbo. The reluctant adventurer, always wishing he could be home again. His movie portrayal I also loved.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: usually none. Bilbo is one of those character who's eternal bacherlorhood is firmly engrained in the story. Though I did enjoy reading some rarepairs, paring Bilbo with Bofur or Dwalin.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: canon: Dwalin. Best friends forever. My AU: Kili - friends to hell and back.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I do not believe Bilbo could just come home and live his quiet life after all that he saw and lived through. Especially with the canon ending where Thorin, Fili and Kili died and Bilbo was bound to feel guilty about it. I cannot see Bilbo coming home and living whole and hearty, with all the nightmares (the "horrors in the halls of stone") he has lived through, including the battle of the five armies.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. I would have loved to see more of Bilbo's own adventures. See him travel, experience more things. He was fairly free in using the ring to hide, so the means to have him survive some crazy shit would have been right there. In my AU I tookl my own spin on this by Bilbo returning to Erebor.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 5, 2024

Judgement day.

And I couldn’t be happier that my bracket was SO wrong. I hate to admit it, Francisco crushed this.

On April 18th I will be headed to Los Cañones, Panama Oeste. Approx population 200-250. Super rural. Electricity will be an issue but cell service and water are pretty reliable. Xavier knows the town and told me that there’s an orange orchard, a big river, and lots of kids. I’m only about 30 minutes away from Los Mortales.

Along with me in Panama Oeste are 🥁🥁🥁

CAITLIN, Sam, Maddy, Sophie, and Janet. It’s a motherfucking SQUAD. I’m so excited. When the big reveal happened and we all flipped our folders over, Caitlin and I were standing next to each other and it was the most relief I’ve ever felt. That girl is gonna be my neighbor the rest of my life i swear to god. I never believed I’d be in the same region as her and now I’m letting myself be excited. And let me tell you…our families are FREAKING OUT. They are so happy because we are so close. They all cried. Sughedys told me that if i hate my new family i can just come live with her again and we don’t have to tell the Peace Corps anything.

THEN in my packet of information, they mentioned the name of the last volunteer who was in this site, pre covid. Naturally i found him on Instagram in about 7 seconds and started messaging him. He returned to Panama after his service was terminated early due tot he pandemic and now he runs a hotel in Veraguas, Panama. So essentially, he’s amazing. He’s been messaging me all night and says he still goes back to visit Los Cañones because they’re his family now. Every message he sends just elevates this to such a new level of realness. He and his brother are going to visit me the day after I move there to show me around and introduce me to people.

Today felt insane. The anxiety and nerves and energy was really stressful and although I couldn’t be happier and was so relieved, the comedown from all the emotions made me jittery and exhausted. I’m nowhere near Audrey, Liv, or Carlo. We all are making plans to see each other but who knows the reality of how well we will execute those plans. Liv is so far and I know she’s scared because she’s hours away from other volunteers, whereas i can walk to Sam in less than an hour. I’m tempering my excitement around her, but she knows that’s what I’m doing and there’s no way to diminish her fears until she’s there and it all works out. Geographically she’s got one of the coolest sites, so i intend on keeping my visiting pact.

Feeling crazy, and sleep doesn’t want to greet me again. Unfortunate considering I’m headed to Panama City at 6 am tomorrow.

[althea-and-alcestris]

Role to play

So Malleus's UM fails to work on Thea as intended for the first time. She ends up like Ortho, her body is asleep but she's able to travel between dreams like Silver. She follows them to Lilia's dream and the events go down the same. But what if when they're finally able to break out of the dream to battle Malleus, she manages to anger him enough for him to send her into a deeper sleep. This time the spell works and she finds herself back home in her own world. Back in the family house, waking up in her bed as her mother gently nudges her awake. Going down the stairs of the mansion she's greeted by her father and her two older siblings, awaiting her with smiles on their faces. No cold stares, no silence, no judgemental comments. Just..peace. She's not expected more than she can take, she's not hurt neither physically nor verbally and she has her mother by her side. It all seems too good to be true. But she can't shake off this feeling of emptiness, like something is missing. Of course, in this reality she was never supposed to meet her friends or Sebek but she doesn't know that. All she knows is that there's this void that she cannot explain.

Her little life goes so well, people are proud of her and she's loved like she always wanted, yet something feels off. Something isn't right. And when she goes to sleep after one of these days..

,,Althea! You need to wake up! Now!"

An unfamiliar voice calls out to her in her sleep. Looking around she finds herself in a dark place like a void and infront of her stands a girl that looks just like her. It's like she's seen her before. But how does she know her name?

,,This is not reality! It's hard to accept but this is all a lie spun into fairydust. Please wake up!"

Suddenly, Thea's head begins to ache badly, stumbling around in one place, disoriented. Her real memories start flashing infront of her eyes, the truth about what really happened in this family. All the tragedy, the loss, the secrets kept behind closed doors. It hurts so much..she doesn't want to accept any of it. That's when she feels a pair of hands grab onto her shoulders.

,,I know it hurts. I can feel your pain but it's a bitter truth you must accept."

,,No! I don't want to! I want to stay here!"

,,Thea listen to me.."

,,But I--"

,,Listen!"

At that point she looks up at the girl identical to her with teary eyes

,,All of this had to happen for you to be where you are right now. Surrounded by those who love you in this world you belong to. You're the light in so many lives..don't throw it all away for a false reality that could never come true."

And she has to realize that this girl is right. All of her suffering, the sacrifices she made and the effort she put in she had done it all for them. All of them. She's come so far, made so many friends, found a lover, a family..she can't just give it all up for something she thinks she wants. She finally takes the hand offered to her, the one that will lead her out of the dream realm. She has a role to play and people to save.

[the-ultimate-muses]

“D-don’t start stupid rumors! He’s obviously not that kind of guy!!” All it took was a comment or two from a green-haired girl in another section, digging into Gundham’s honor, and the mechanic was set off. “If we’re talking weirdos, most of the people in the school have colorful personalities! And some not the good kind!! At least Gundham has common sense… s-sometimes. Like, he’s a really reliable person to go to, and he’s kinda… sweet, if you get to know him! I mean yeah, he’s mostly like that towards animals… b-but he can be like that with some people, too. For someone that claims to be an evil overlord, he’s… really nice…”

At this point, he was just muttering it to himself, but was snapped back to reality when he noticed the girl narrowing her eyes at him. “A-anyways! Don’t call him a freak over nothing! You don’t know anything about him at all!!”

Gundham was no stranger to such comments about his person, no matter what the subject be; his personality, his looks, the general way he conducted himself, it was all up for scrutiny when others were feeling unkind. It had always been so, as a child, and all through his younger life up until this very moment. It hurt, yes, but he'd long since made peace with it. People were always going to talk, to assume they knew what couldn't be further from their grasp, and those people weren't worth his time. What they said didn't matter, not really. If anything, it helped weed out anyone who would be a waste of his time to interact with, not that there were many that were worth his time, it would seem...

No, overhearing the conversation from below him, the breeder having been lounging in a tree in the courtyard, simply enjoying the day, that hadn't surprised him, only getting a scoff and a roll of his eyes before he went back to the book he'd been reading.

What had been surprising, enough so that he almost dropped his book, was hearing Kazuichi of all people coming to his defense. They got along, sure, but he never would have guessed the mechanic would defend him even when he wasn't there to hear it. It brought a smile to his face, it pointlessly hidden behind his scarf as he listened to his classmates ramble on, only deciding to make his presence known when he seemed to flounder.

With a sigh, he tucked the book into an inner pocket of his coat, the leaves giving a slight rustle as he manuved his way upright before jumping from his perch. Boots landing with a heavy thud, it brought a grin to his face, seeing everyone around him jump at the sudden fright.

"Pardon the interuption, your conversation sounded so fascingating, I simply couldn't help myself." Eyes first flicking to Kaz, Gundham shot him a wink before turning his full attention onto the girl who thought she'd gone unheard by him. He always loved to see their fear when they realized he had been listening to every word, most people's confidence fading away the moment they were face to face with the person of their grevience. "Please, do continue. Simply remember that nothing you say ever truly goes unheard. You must pay mind to your words, if you do not wish the wrong party to hear."

[charmedreincarnation]

hi i think i realise the thing i’m most afraid of when it comes to tapping in the void. I realise that anything and everything is possible. I have seen crazy “illogical” success stories and some of them have nothing to do with the void. Like i have come across at least 3 sex change stories (without void) and i remember just how happy they all sounded in their success stories.

I don’t have anything “crazy” on my void list per say, like all my desires seem very natural to me.

I know bloggers are tired of answering “can i manifest” questions like when i see them answer it, i in unison answer with them as i read them on my tl “YES ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE” But….

This is my fear-

I have never worked a day in my life and there’s a certain kind of job i want to be working, basically revising “i have been working at this place since over a year and i’m also moving for this job” so of course with this also goes “i have all the necessary resources, knowledge, contacts, basically anything i need” to be efficient at my job. “i even have the coolest boss and colleagues, if it’s possible for some people to love their job and their boss and their colleagues, I CAN HAVE IT TOO” this is my inner monologue lol when i have intrusive thoughts. Lol i think i should make it clear that my job doesn’t need a degree. I’m not trying to be a doc or a nurse😭😂

I guess what i’m asking for, from you is, reassurance like YES GIRL YOU WILL WAKE UP WITH YOUR DREAM JOB, IT IS NOT SCARY, YOU WON’T SUCK AT IT

I’m the same anon that told you i feel peace knowing i already have everything i desire. You told me it’s upto me how fast my delivery is going to be. “If it’s express shipping” (Of course i’d like to think that it’s express shipping but this one fear i mentioned isn’t truly allowing for me to have my shipment yet.)

I have even started my t- deadline for when i’m going to be flying out. I see myself doing daily chores at my new apartment, driving to my office with my fav playlist.

It’s crazy how i feel like i have made it and when i was having just even a tiny amount of fear, i see my tl is flooded with you and other bloggers reassuring that shifting is very much real. (just what i needed)

Thank you so much charm, and to each and every blogger who goes out of the way to help STRANGERS live their dream lives. I’m so grateful i found loa and you all. (I already am practising giving my thanks to all of you sweet souls as i send in my success story *wink wink* haha)

Hello I think this is the ask! It's great to hear that you've been exploring the possibilities of tapping into the void and manifesting your dreams. It's completely understandable to have some fears and doubts, but remember that anything is possible and you have the power to create the reality you desire.

You already have a clear idea of the job you want and the type of work environment you envision. Keep focusing on those positive aspects and affirming to yourself that you have everything you need to be successful in this job. Visualize yourself already in the job, feeling confident and enjoying your work. This will help to shift your energy towards that reality.Just let go of any fears or doubts that may be holding you back. Trust that the universe will bring you the opportunities and resources you need to manifest your desires, but it already seems you’re doing that haha.

And yes girl it’s real all of it. no matter how minuscule or large. All though i have had some big awesome manifestion, my favorite one is always getting all As with minimal effort even though it doesn’t make sense that I do. Most college students take 3-5 hours a day to studying and homework and I just watch Netflix all day and sleep hehe, and browse tumblr occasionally when I’m not hanging out with my friends. I also manifested a six figure job at 18 when I didn’t even know my major yet, or had any qualifications. I chose not to work there bc I’m liking life on easy mode and you should too and you’re already doing the work to achieve that. Idk what you needed from this ask but you’re already slaying and know what you want and you’re going to get it.

[anonil88]

Under the bridge (hulu) finale liveblog/reaction

- Jo is an asshole and Kelly is just stupidly vile as hell.

- I will say these young actors are all good as hell and have acted their be hinds off.

- I couldn't be in a gang cause I would roll my eyes so fast and just leave before one speech.

- Oooo "Mercy Alone" is a cold ass title. Pop off writers.

- He really became like a little brother and she is wrestling with getting wrapped up in the momentum kind of like Warren did.

- Thank god this house is getting shut down even though I'm sure they did goor and I appreciate that we finally see Cam in this house. We never saw her as a teen in the house and only an outsider looking in. But, now she's in it.

- Sigh they shouldn't have lied about that.

- Fuck you Kelly.

- Lmfao she said "ain't you a cop?" but this isn't just cam the cop this is cam the former 7 oaks girl. Kelly set them all up the minute they got to that police station knowing none of those girls had options or legal resources except for her. She was an awful friend if they can even call her that and did an evil action. What amug ass, fuck.

- Good job Cam, her relationship or not, its not yours to manipulate the hell. That's her symbiotic relationship.

- Well he ain't wrong Becca, you involved yourself the minute you walked into seven oaks.

- The more realistic non hear say versions of the fight is horrible. Teenagers are led by their short impulses and peer pressure. Easier to say "I don't know" than no, and thats not an age thing that I'd a human thing.

- Again these young actors are fan fucking tastic. I hope and wish them all to get many roles post this show. So nice to see budding quality talent.

- It's just a case to her dad but to his daughter it's her life. It could have been her if it was 30 years before. He sees what he wants to see but not the reality outside of his own. You're her dad but this is something she will now wrestle with her entire life and could've been prevented. There's other ways like as soon as she's in your care tell her about where she came from and ask if she'd like to establish a relationship or connection with her family and community. Delayed her sense of self, for what?

- Grief has finally hit her mom, Suman, whereas it hit dad the minute his daughter was missing. The minute the cops showed up he knew it in his gut. I hope the real Virks have gotten so much healing and peace in their life since then. The grief will never leave any of them and it is likely embedded into every moment, but I hope they have found some peace.

- The right person. Whew great direction here 👏🏾.

- A little kindness goes a long way and can change your entire life. I say it often but a lot of crimes no matter the age of the assailant are made by very angry children. Some are trying to inflict the same pain onto others or release their own. Others well others just are too angry to do anything outside of anger.

- Insanity plea? No, she's just got no kindness in her heart.

- What a sweet baby, sigh he doesn't really understand why they're all dressing up.

- Cam looks great out of a uniform.

- 5 years, in actuality she got way more later, and he who feels remorse for what he did got life. I'm talking about the initial rulings, not what occurred after of people gettibg more time or getting paroled. Kelly here only feels upset that she was caught.

- Sit with a bunch of fuck ass dickheads. No. Ayyyy cam out of uniform !!! We love to see it!

- I love that they end on a cordial note and found the beauty. The beauty of giving yourself mercy and trying to forge a new path.

- Becca's shoes and jeans look like a little kids. He really did just slip 😢.

- Jo and Kelly. Nah Nicole and Kelly, them real hoes are birds of a feather. I hope someone calls them cunts to their faces at least once a month. From prison cell to 9-5 them two are nasty pieces of work. Took Kelly another infraction and two kids to go huh okay let me finally admit my guilt now. Now that my fate is sealed.

- Ooo that end got me, i aint cry but ooo i teared up as soon as the cd skipped. R.i.p Reena Virk, i wish you had better friends. Real friends.

Final thoughts:

- Fantastic end to this show and phenomenal acting from everyone involved. Not just this episode but the entire season the acting has been metered so well even if i missed it at first. The soundtrack and editing in every episode has been so good. Timing of certain tracks and score was really effective in swallowing the viewer these last 3/4 episodes. Absolutely fantastic finale.

[vorpal-doll]

Some people really ain’t shit.

You made me feel crazy; you deflected, manipulated, and gaslit me to hell to cover your own ass.

You were so emotionally abusive. Throwing tantrums at 30 years old? Hitting yourself and hitting other things? Throwing water bottles?

Oh, but there is “nothing you wish you did different”… there’s nothing you think you did wrong. You’re at “peace”. But in reality, you were being a very shitty person.

You let me believe I was the problem; and I carried that guilt & pain for months. You left me so abruptly, never speaking to me again… and you made me believe I ruined it. That I was such a horrible problem. I didn’t know the actual reasoning. But you put me through a different type of mental torture, just to find out while I sat through all this pain; you became this fuckboy on Twitter and want to be with someone else already? Calling her hot and sexy? Telling her you’d be the luckiest guy on the street to be walking with her? Yet you couldn’t even actually tell her about the MOST important thing that happened in your life..?

Quite honestly, I’m so embarrassed. I truly feel stupid. For what I felt for you & for the people who have found your Twitter and recognized you were once with me.

You are so unoriginal; another breed of immature. No wonder it was easy for you to just leave and never speak to me, you had other people that entire time. Bravo! you are officially like every other guy, except worse!

No wonder sane women run away and go ghost on you. And you HATE it. It hurts your ego. Yet you do it to others, you become the ghost to people who don’t deserve it. Or at the very least deserve a reason why.

You’re so miserable inside and you use that misery to hurt people. Like a dark ass cloud. It must be hard to carry all of that negativity and all of those lies you create to make yourself look/feel better … all that pity. Everything you carry to avoid realizing just how bad it actually is.

But sure keep changing who you are to match a girl you think you want to be with for a minute. Keep up with that poetry that I’ve never seen you write before, but all of a sudden you’re a poet?

Enjoy your new supply while it lasts :)

We all know how it goes 💋

PS; choke.

[ginza-division]

Masa's Thoughts on Ueno Division

Aranai Norikoru

"Ah, the rebellious, miscreant young girl who, in years past, caused a sea of turmoil and anarchy to wash over the country of Japan. She had just started her path of destruction around the same time I created The Crossroads. She had all of Japan under her boot, but it seems the Lord finally saw fit to punish her when she bit off more than she could chew. It is nothing less than what she deserved. I would have been pleased to hear that she had been locked away for life along with her miscreant friends, but that was not to be, unfortunately."

"Still, despite the fact that she claims to no longer have ill intentions, I know that she still harbors a darkness inside her soul. Normally, one such as her would have a place in my Church, but... no, I don't think she would fit in. Besides the fact that she is allied with the heretical Shisuta Heisha, our place of holiness has no place for a malevolent reprobate such as her."

Shisuta Heisha

Masa's face turns into a scowl as he looks at the photo of the Catholic sister. His disliking for her is apparent for all to see.

"Ah, the heretic, herself. You and your wretched mother have caused me no end of trouble. I was all set to lead this dissident country known as Japan into a new age. I would have made it a place united under one religion, one purpose, and one God. And any foolish blasphemers would be made to either submit and renounce their wicked ways, or they would have been cast out, for both my Church and the Kingdom of God would have no place for them. It would have been beautiful!"

"...But. That dream, that vision, that... reality. It was never to come to fruition."

Masa suddenly snarls and growls at the photo.

"And all because of you and your damnable mother! She opposed me, and told those foolish clergy members not to make me the new Archbishop! And they believed her! She ruined everything!"

The priest angrily punches a nearby table, making a crack in it, while also making his hand bleed. He breathes in and out, trying to calm himself down. It takes a minute, but he manages to regain control of his emotions.

"...As much as it would be easy to have you and your mother killed, no... That would be letting you off too easily. No, a more suitable punishment would be to have you experience when the good Lord took your child from you: pain, anguish, and fury over not understanding what you had done wrong. ...Yes, the D.R.B. will be the perfect battleground between the two of us. And we shall see who the Lord favors more: you, a heretical sister, or me, His most esteemed servant. It will be a battle worthy of Armageddon."

Kisouna Yuzairu

"...Perhaps the only tolerable member from this team. Her hatred for disorder, chaos, and tyranny is comparable to, dare I say, my own. I also do not have a love for evildoers or evil in general. However, sometimes I know that to create lasting peace, you must be willing to do some things that fall... outside of the moral line. It was for that reason I created the Crossroads, as they have no issue with what must be done."

"Besides that, I must admit I admire her drive and ingenuity. She seems to have an earnest desire to see justice done. A woman like her would be of great benefit to the church. ...But considering she is a sworn friend of Heisha, I doubt that she would join me willingly. What's more, I don't know if she will be happy with some of the work that goes on behind the scenes here in Ginza. So... as much as it disappoints me, I'm afraid she will have to suffer along with the rest of her team in the D.R.B."

Sakurai Clan

"Despite how popular and familiar this team may be with the Divison Rap Battle, I am not at all worried. In fact..."

Masa gives a small chuckle.

"...I am actually looking forward to it. You may have had a bit of success so far, Shisuta, but that has sadly come to an end. As stated, the crimes and sins your mother has done will be paid for fully. If you wish to blame someone, then blame her for the punishment you will receive when we meet."

Masa laughs softly, before blowing into a full-grown guffaw as he departs the scene.

[lost-girl-2021]

VIT

If you guys like my writing style, please check out the first chapter of my upcoming book, VIT. It's a sci-fi story I've been working on and off for the past few years and I'm hoping to have it published at the end of summer. My cousin published her first book at 21, so my goal is to do mine at 20. Anyways, I'll post the summary in italics and then the first chapter below. Thanks for reading!

Vit has a purpose, a mission. She’s devoted her life to The Collective, an intergalactic agency working to bring criminals to justice. She’s given up her old life, no longer able to remember anything from her past or even her original name. She had made peace with the gap in her mind, but when a mission goes south, she’s confronted with the reality that the agency she gave everything to might not be what she thought it was. With Fin, a fellow bounty hunter, chasing after her, she has to figure out who she is and who she wants to be before it’s too late.

Chapter One

Vit knows she should be asleep. She's been up for over twenty hours straight and her eyes are so dry that they sting with each blink. Yet, she can't manage to stop working. She knows what the alternative is; a dark haze, stretching on for what feels like forever. A cold that sticks with you for weeks after. She’d rather deal with the shakiness of not eating and the blurry vision that came with it.

Her robotic handler had given her the case the night before, when they entered the Lower Ring again. The three solar systems, High, Middle, and Low took between one and two weeks to travel between. Vit wished it took longer. It had been a long month in the Middle Ring, chasing down a band of pirates. The days of traveling were the only times Vit had any sort of break. Her feet ached and her back was all bruised from the week before, when she got knocked into a metal table during a fight. It made it hard to sleep at night, unable to focus on anything but how much everything hurt.

She had only gotten a few hours of sleep when the living machine woke her, a grin on her face as she let her know they were an hour away from their next planet. It never looked right when Ciro smiled. Vit knew it was supposed to be disarming, but all it ever did was put her further on edge. Androids were creepy like that, always finding some way to remind you they weren’t human. Stronger, smarter, with less emotion. If they weren’t so easy to hack, they’d be the ones in charge of bounty-hunting, instead of just the authority in every operation. And Ciro was definitely Vit’s keeper, the one who would take her back if she messed up, who reported every failure and flaw to the higher-ups. The non-living woman made it clear she had no trouble taking her back to the Collective base on the planet Cil, where she’d be grounded for an unknowable amount of time.

So, what was a little bit of lost sleep? When it meant she could be warm in a bed instead of frozen in a cryogenic chamber? It’s all worth it. At least, that’s what she told herself on nights like this.

The girl looked at the clock, groaning under her breath. Ciro would fully recharge within a few hours; it would be easier to just stay up, and keep working on the case. Once she brought the bounty to the planet Cil, she could catch up on her sleep. Maybe she’d even get a chance to rest before her next case. When they had a prisoner on board the ship, Vit was supposed watch them while Ciro recharged or worked on navigation. She wasn’t sure if it was a programming error or if she somehow was acting of her own volition, but the being of Artificial Intelligence seemed to order her into guard duty when she was on the verge of falling asleep.

Rubbing her forehead, Vit returned her gaze to the file before her; the map of Toi was complex and without any real patterns. Tents and rickety old homes were all crammed next to each other in makeshift towns, the gaps between them barren except for the dirt roads that blended together with the rest of the wasteland. She had covered an entire town on foot earlier that day, hoping her target was stupid enough to return to one of her old haunts during her time on the planet. Unfortunately, it seemed like the crook had a heads-up about her arrival. She hadn't gotten anything all day besides blisters and sunburn. There was a chance she had gone to Cri instead, but she seemed to have more connections on Toi. Her ship, the Ghost, had been seen a few days prior, flagging one of the Collective’s systems. The whole crew was wanted for various crimes and the ship itself was stolen, but Regan Witz was the biggest threat and needed to be taken first.

Sometimes, it was easy. She could stroll down the street and spot her mark within minutes. Drag them back to the ship and start heading towards the nearest Collective Outpost before lunch. Other times, it went like this. Days with no leads, pressure on all sides from the higher-ups and her handler.

Glancing at the messy and possibly out-of-date digital map, Vit forced herself to focus. Scrolling, she read over the notes she’d scribbled next to each of the locations she’d checked. Everyone had insisted she was in various spots around the galaxy. Some said she was in the High Ring, of all places, engaged to some Lord who was cousin to the Monarch. Or that she’d joined the Wildlings on the edge of the galaxy, living in chaotic bliss. Something was there; Vit was close, she could feel it. She wasn’t going to disappoint the Collective and she sure as stars wasn’t about to give up.

Changing tabs, she searched her security feed for the dozenth time to see if any of her bugs had picked up anything. She could put Ciro back on monitor duty as soon as she recharged, but until then it was all Vit. And the monitoring software she had picked up on planet Lio was far from high-tech. It wasn’t anywhere near as fast as the system she was used to, but there weren't many options. Her last bounty had put up quite a fight, destroying the Nav and her surveillance hard drive before Vit could stop him. She was lucky to get anything semi-compatible with the rest of her ship, given how old it was. And the mechanics on Cil said they’d have to special order new pieces, so she was stuck with tech that was probably came out during the Old Wars, twenty years prior.

Annoyed that the system hadn’t caught anything, she cracked her neck and pulled open one of her desk drawers. Popping out the fake bottom, she found the boost she needed. She tossed the small metal case onto her desktop, fingers fumbling with the small adhesive. Peeling off the clear covering, she pressed an Artificial Energy patch right above her heart, hiding the thin stimulant under her shirt. It was a mostly-translucent sticky rectangle, with AE stamped in all black.

The Collective (and therefore Ciro) disapproved of any enhancing tech or drugs on their people, so she tried to keep them hidden for the most part. It wasn’t like she was snorting crystals; she just needed a little help sometimes. And the best way for her to job her job fast and efficiently was for her to help herself. A rush of adrenaline hit her within a couple of seconds, making her hands twitch and eyes go wide. It had been a while since she’d had any sort of booster, let alone what were essentially shots of adrenaline to the heart. Her last mission left her without any privacy, so she'd suffered without any A.E. patches. It was part of the reason why she preferred to work alone. Everyone had to have their own backs; the Collective was a force of good and everyone was held to the highest standards. Failure, weakness— none of that would be tolerated. It was part of the reason why they were cycled out so frequently. Sometimes, a person just wasn’t necessary; maybe just unneeded for a specific uptic in crime, maybe just not useful in anything short of an all-out war.

Pushing back from the desk, she stared at the ceiling, slouching in the uncomfortable chair as she waited for it to kick in. Knicks and scratches formed a pattern along the metal roof, a reminder that someone had this ship before her. Probably another bounty hunter for the Collective. Someone who had been promoted, demoted, or put back in Cryo. Every mission was life or death for someone working for the Collective, but it was what she had signed up for. Everyone in the agency had sacrificed their lives and memories for a chance to bring justice to the galaxy— they were heroes to the universe.

The thought brought a small smile to Vit’s face, some of the tension draining from her shoulders. She had been conscious for nearly a year— one of the longest times for someone to be out of Cryo. She was good, and if the worst thing that happened to her was getting caught with some caffeine patches, she’d stay conscious for a long time. As long as she didn’t mess up, she’d stay Awake.

Going back to the map, she tried to look for something new. Ciro and her had spent the whole day and part of the night searching for the bounty, but it looked like he wasn't even on-planet. It had happened before; bad intel and a lack of communication had left her in similar situations more times than she cared to remember. It just meant that Vit wouldn't be resting any time soon.

Still, she couldn’t give up just yet. There was something about this planet that was messing with her head. She didn’t know where she had come from or anything about her life before, but part of her wondered if she had been to the shanty town before. The growing migraine suggested it. Or maybe it was just a side effect of the caffeine patch. Either way, she—

Suddenly, the security feed sounded, a small beep alerting her to something new. Whipping forward, she tapped on the screen, her mouth split into a grin. Her bounty— though a bit blurry —was caught barely ten minutes from her, on one of the bugs she’d planted. The audio was too shaky to make anything out besides “dangerous” and a few curses, but the message seemed clear. Her bounty was about to leave and she had to act quickly.

She grabbed her jacket off the floor, tucking her badge into her pocket and pulling her hood over her head as she hurried towards the bay doors. Hitting her palm against the release, she charged down the ramp and jumped off before it even hit the ground, pulling her duff over her mouth and nose. She didn’t know what was from the patch and what was the thrill of the chase, but Vit really didn't care. The mission was all that mattered.

The city was unfamiliar as she raced through it, despite her earlier search. Everything was a bit off-kilter, nothing quite right as she sped through the streets. For as long as she could remember, she’d always had backup. Either Ciro or another device of Collective Intelligence— someone to tell her what to do, where to go. A pang of unease crept up her spine, nearly overwhelming with the artificial adrenaline pumping through her system. She was running out of time. She needed to focus, needed to be better.

The sun was starting to rise over her side of the planet, covering all the grime in a deceiving copper glow. It almost looked nice. Vit thought it was misleading. Like most things that looked good, it was just a front. Vit had arrested enough innocent-looking people in her time that any notion of trust in her own perception was eradicated. At the end of the day, all she could do was follow orders and hope for the best. Just like the Magnate always told them; Trust in the Collective. (The only was implied.)

Nearly crashing into one of the drunks wandering through the streets after a night of waste, Vit snapped to attention. She was starting to drift now and then, exhaustion mixing badly with the fast-beating of her heart. Shaking her head, she adjusted her hood before entering the tavern before her. It was covered in the filth that all Ports held, the metal walls barely recognizable under all the filth and the half-ripped posters covering Stars know what.

Vit pulled at the buff attached to the lower part of her undercoat, covering her mouth and nose. Her face was sweaty now and it was starting to itch. While there wasn’t any set uniform for Collective members, anonymity was best when out in public, especially since she was in a bar full of Monarch loyalists. The blue patches of the jackets gave it away, along with the weapons strapped to everyone. On the planet Cil, only Collective agents are allowed weapons. It makes it easier when they need to maintain order. The entrylevel agents usually stayed planetside since it was so easy to get the upper hand. Vit was uncomfortable around the bar of criminals, knowing she didn’t have enough manpower or gunpower to take them all on if it came to it. Despite the heavy beating of her heart and the voice in her head telling her to make a move, she stayed calm. Ignored the eyes on her.

Moving towards the back of the room, she spotted her target downing the last of her drink. The man next to her seemed to nod towards the grimy-looking bathroom, moving away from the woman. The area was far too public for Vit to move in on her, but she walked calmly towards the bathrooms, reaching for the heavy knife in her vest. She wasn’t a killer, that was . . . the Collective was a force for good, so she was a force for good. While death was necessary at times, it would not bode well if she killed a man on a Monarchy-favored planet. All executions were to be held on the home planet.

Regardless, it was remarkably easy to sneak behind the man and use the blunt end of her blade to knock out the unreasonably tall man. Even if she did have to stand on her toes to reach his head. Locking the bathroom door afterward, she returned to the main room just in time to see her target leaving out the back door. Vit quickly followed, finding herself in a filthy alley between two taverns. The woman was standing across from her, seemingly casual.

“You’ve been looking for me.” She observed, leaning against the grime-covered wall. “Thought I’d make it a bit easier.”

A trap.

Vit tensed slightly upon realization, scolding herself for being so stupid. Ciro would’ve noticed, would’ve already called in back-up by now, or had some genius plan ready for Vit to use. She was the one who made the plans, Vit was just the muscle.

Still, Vit was a good bounty hunter. She had incapacitated the friend and surely she could take some criminal freak twice her age. Still, she went without any of her usual speech (surrender now and no harm will come to you, blah, blah, blah . . . ) and she charged.

The target jumped up, dodging her first punch and throwing one of her own. Vit grabbed her fist and twisted, smirking as the woman cried out. She kneed her in the gut, but the woman didn’t fall. Instead, she brought her free hand down on Vit’s forearm hard, forcing her to let go as a painful tingling spread through her arm. Both charged, tackling each other to the ground in a battle of fists. Kicking the bounty hard in the gut, Vit took the chance to stand and reach for her cuffs. Just as the tool was freed from her belt, the woman landed a punch to the side of her face, the metal restraints flying out of her hands across the alley.

With a start, Vit realized that the mask fell from around her face, causing hesitation on her target’s end. The woman seemed stunned, something not uncommon; the few people who had seen Vit’s face were all shocked by how young she looked. This time, it worked to her advantage; Vit moved quickly, sweeping the woman’s legs and knocking her to the hard ground. She reached for the fallen cuffs a few feet away, suddenly dizzy from the rush of movement. Blinking harshly, she stretched her fingers to grab the cool metal, only to be yanked backward just as she grasped them.

The bounty’s companion, who she had apparently mistaken for unconscious, yanked her up from the ground, knocking her into the side of the tavern. Vit choked on her breath, the air knocked out of her with the force of the shove. She coughed painfully, hands grasping at her chest. Standing up, her bounty pushed her into the wall once more as her friend stepped back.

“Who are you?” The woman demanded, pinning her against the rough stone with her forearm against Vit’s throat.

Still breathless and dizzy, Vit thrashed harshly, glaring up at the older girl. “Re— Reagan Witz, you are wanted by the Collective for— “

“I don’t care about that.” She snapped, pressing harder against Vit’s throat. “Who are you?”

Vit blanched, confused. Surely, it was obvious by now that she belonged to the Collective. Vit didn’t know how to answer or why the bounty hadn’t tried to do anything more than restrain her yet. She couldn’t tell if she was stupid or trying to stall as she and her friend waited for backup. Although, at this point, Vit didn’t think she could control her dizzy double-vision long enough to throw a solid punch. Still, despite her precarious position, Vit ignored her and continued on.

“Surrender now and no harm will come to your companion.” She offered, eyeing the so-far silent man staring at her. He looked to be in shock— silent and wide-eyed as he watched the exchange. His, nearly white, blond hair was spiked up with a ridiculous amount of product, except for the smooshed half from where he must’ve hit the ground. He looked unreasonably spooked for someone so tall.

The dark eyes she locked with went blurry, everything spinning slightly as she refocused on her target. Vit tensed slightly, ready to break free of the woman and arrest her. Or pass out when she tried. Either way, she wasn’t about to just give up.

“— there’s gotta be some explanation.”

Blinking, Vit realized her bounty had been speaking, though her hearing seemed to be suddenly unreliable. The world was spinning, nothing steady. Her heart was beating so loud, she felt the vibrations in her throat. She wheezed as the woman let go of her throat, hands moving to her shoulders. Her mouth was moving, but Vit couldn’t tell what she was saying.

She reared her head back and slammed forward, headbutting her with a loud crack. The world tipped off its axis and suddenly the ground was rushing toward her. She twisted, pulling the woman down with her. From her belt, she pulled out a needle, plunging it into her neck. As the sedative disappeared into her skin, Vit lunged at the man, tackling him into the ground. They both hit hard, his head bouncing off the stone. She punched him, once, twice, three times, before she was sure he was out cold. Behind them, the target was limp on the cold ground.

Vit raised her hand to her ear, breathing heavily. “Ciro? I really hope you’re charged.”