#“life goes on” girl whos made peace with the reality

[bwat5-blog]

Caitlyn Kiramman's Strength

**Spoiler warning for all of arcane**

“You will never rest knowing that she’s out there. Or maybe I underestimated you. Maybe you have the strength I do not. To forgive, and trust in tomorrow”- Ambessa

Caitlyn's commander arc has been a HEAVY topic of debate. I have written plenty as have many others. I am writing this after reading a wonderful exchange between some other users who added even more to my understanding of this story.

For my purposes today, I am thinking about Caitlyn's strength. The question of true strength is one pursued in many ways throughout this story. Vi learning she deserves to be loved for more than the strength of her arm, Huck explaining to Caitlyn that he became addicted to shimmer because he just wanted for someone else to be afraid for once. So what of Caitlyn? Her strength to achieve, is the strength to forgive.

There are many kinds of strength. Caitlyn is agile, and a great fighter. Her mind is sharp and creative. Even as a rookie enforcer she has the force of will to follow a mysterious tattooed Zaunite into the undercity, never knowing how her life would change. What she would lose, and what she would gain.

People have made many ham-handed attempts at demonizing Caitlyn's character arc in season 2. Their failure to grasp the ways in which grief can warp us is their cross to bear. In Caitlyn's story, we watch as a kind, clever, idealistic and brave young woman is terrorized and almost murdered by wanted terrorist, only to watch helplessly as her mother falls to the same killer. Because remember my friends it's easy for us to look at Jinx's actions and try for understanding. We were there when Powder was a scared little girl holding her sisters hand on that bridge. Caitlyn wasn't. And in a span of mere days, all for the crime of believing she could make a difference, her reality is violently transformed in front of her.

This show gives us many depictions of the illusion of strength. My mind goes to the breaking of Powder and creation of JInx, in which Silco lauds the strength she has achieved by "letting Powder die". When the truth is that no matter how strong her body has become, her mind has only grown more fractured.

Caitlyn's takes control of her house. She demands her seat at the council, and forms a strike team to go into Zaun all of her own accord where they actively engage in combat against the Chem Barons. Strength? On the surface yes. But the unfortunately reality is that she is not an agent of law and order, bringing peace and safety to troubled streets. She is on a crusade. And with every step she takes down that road, she destroys more and more of what really matters to her, until even the woman she loves lays heartbroken and alone. All culminating in her glorious rise to Commander. Strength..

It is during this bleak time in Caitlyn's story, that she and Ambessa have a conversation. Caitlyn is questioning the Noxian's brutal tactics, and if the ongoing occupation of Zaun is really worth it anymore. Ambessa says the quote at the top to remind her of her rage.. and of her fear.

“You will never rest knowing that she’s out there. Or maybe I underestimated you. Maybe you have the strength I do not. To forgive, and trust in tomorrow”

And it works! For the time being. Because what neither of them could have known is Caitlyn was soon to be reunited with the woman who reminded her of inner strength. The woman who believed in her, who supported her, who sacrificed for her. Who at the moment of their reuniting, even with that emotional chasm between them and all of Caitlyn's wrongs known, trusts Caitlyn to save her father.

Trust... that single word from someone so important to her and Caitlyn begins to find herself again. Ambessa taught her to kill, to trick, to oppress and debilitate. Caitlyn's physical body growing stronger and more dangerous while her soul was buried deeper and deeper beneath the waves. But it was not until Vi was still willing to believe in her, to give her a second chance, that she truly began to breathe again.

It is in this time, that Caitlyn's true strength emerges. When face to face with the woman she knows captured her heart, and who calls her to account, the question of who deserves who gets a second chance is left in the air. What Jinx took from Caitlyn cannot be undone. And Vi is not asking her to love Jinx, or to love what she did. She is asking her to let go of the hatred, and the fear, and the pain. To live not just for Jinx's benefit but for Caitlyn herself as well. To carry the same strength in her heart that Vi demonstrated by telling her about Vander. And in so doing, for the sake of herself, and the woman she loves, Caitlyn sets aside that rage, and opens the way for them all to start healing.

Our story ends with Vi, and Caitlyn enjoying a quiet moment together. Violet's journey was never about physical strength, but about the strength to admit she deserves to feel loved, and protected, and safe. To know that she is worth more to her partner than the strength of her arm. Caitlyn was almost swallowed by her darkness, never having been more alone than when she was one of the most powerful people in the city. Now here, at the end of things, it is because she found the strength to forgive the person who wronged her, and in aspiring to be the person Vi deserves has begun to forgive herself, that she finds peace.

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 5 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

(this is a sad one, apologies in advance)

agatha just had the unimaginably traumatic experience of her mother's evil ghost possessing her body, so of course she cracks jokes. she's shaking like a leaf, but hey, coping mechanism gotta cope!

when evanora tried to execute agatha, stealing secrets or whatever was only an excuse, she was punishing her daughter for the sin of being born. whatever she says, her so called worry for these other witches is also an excuse. she's simply furious that someone has begun to think of agatha as a person rather than a monster. it's once again a selfless VS selfish paradox, evanora is always framing her actions as selfless and for the greater good, but her hatred for agatha is undeniably raw and personal. I would love to learn what evanora's life was like, who were her parents? what turned her into such a hateful mother?

(look at how angry rio already is. and alice always protecting the person closest to her by default.)

this is the ultimate humiliation for agatha, someone who has always kept her past and struggles so close to the chest. now one of her deepest traumas is laid bare for everyone to see and judge. she's always trying to come off as strong and unfeeling and formidable, but here she is, a sad little girl abused by her own mother.

btw I see you all have strong feelings about ghosts and billy's powers! lol I got so many comments. I see you, I see you! Granted I'm not actually super invested in my ghost theories, this being a made up marvel show and all, but here's what I think:

agatha says to wanda, "you have no idea how dangerous you are, you're supposed to be a myth, a being capable of spontaneous creation, and here you are, using it to make breakfast for dinner!" agatha, one of the most powerful witches ever existed, could not create food for nicky. like, the scope of wanda's powers (and billy's by extension) is the kind of scary that can reshape reality itself and truly and properly fuck up the Sacred Balance or whatever rio calls it.

when I say billy created a ghost evanora, yes it's a copy but in the same way a Star Trek transporter makes a copy, you know what I mean? whether the orignal stays behind or not, billy's evanora is the real evanora. and if you believe in souls, that gets even more complicated! did billy take evanora's soul from the afterlife and plopped her in here, or did it copy it too? and was wanda actually able to create billy's and tommy's or did she catch the wandering soul of stillborn twins?

see I don't think evanora was a ghost prior to this (again, I might be proven wrong in the future, but this is where I'm at right now). if that were the case, you know she'd been haunting agatha's ass, wouldn't have given her a moment of peace. maybe rio took extra care to send her to the afterlife, idk. now rio looks shocked and angry to see evanora, like this is a new development.

rio's voice is literally roaring with anger

like i cannot overstate how much rio hates and despises evanora for what she did to agatha

evanora zeroes in on rio, approaches. rio takes a whole step back and makes herself smaller. she's nervous. she says that ghosts are cheaters, but it goes beyond that, doesn't it? rio understands life and death, but a ghost is neither, or both. it goes beyond all her control and expertise, and for the first time since we've known her, she's at a disadvantage. ironic, isn't it, considering what happens to agatha in the finale?

agatha, who's been cowering in a corner, chooses this moment to approach. does she want to protect rio and billy and the others? or is she so desperate for an ounce of love and affection from her mother that she, coward as she is, actually wants to put herself in arm's way?

while everyone is focused on agatha, alice looks at rio. she is putting together evanora's words, agatha's terror and rio's hatred. jen is being selfish. alice, generous alice, could never be selfish

the last time agatha saw her mother she was still a kid. now she is a mother herself and the mere thought of not loving, not wanting to protect your child, of actually going out of your way to harm them? it's simply inconceivable to her.

the shock. the tears forming in her eyes. the same heartbreak she felt when she realized her mom was about to kill her at the stake. she's feeling small and wretched and unloved like only a parent can make you feel

it's the matter-of-fact tone she uses. it's worse than hatred. she despises agatha beyond hatred

there is a moment in a child's life when they see a parent clearly for the first time, their weakness and their flaws. this is especially true for an abused child, it comes a day when you realize that despite being called bad and evil and blamed for the pain happening, it was never really your fault. agatha knows what a parent's love should look like now. and this is not it.

rio visibly deflates. she is the only person in the room agatha opened up with about her mother. there is nothing she can do to spare her pain now. she has no power against evanora

alice has a blinding moment of shock, realization, pity. she knows only too well what generational pain and trauma can do to a person. but she still had a mother who loved her. agatha didn't.

jen, who used to be a healer, can no longer feel compassion. jen has had to learn to protect herself above all others. because evanora hurt agatha, and agatha hurt jen in return.

and when it's all said and done, agatha will always beg. all her power, her brains, her experiences are nothing. she regress to that girl at the stake. I can be good. please.

alice, who's always been the first to jump to everyone's defense, who always puts others before herself. she has seen agatha bare and helpless, she has seen that raw core that agatha has always hidden and, in her final moments, she's accepted agatha in her coven. it's more instinct than rationality, but alice has always been a heart over head kinda girl. if she can see the harpy, if she can see the pain, by GOD she'll do something about it.

“The Knight of Wands.” full of fire, fights bravely.

lilia's gut-wrenching scream. she knows what is happening. agatha already told her.

a succubus who hasn't fed in so long. I keep thinking, there was never anybody who loved her enough to teach her control, to seek alternative solutions to satiate her hunger. rio never could, rio cannot interfere with who lives and who dies. but could a coven together have fed her? could a big coven have donated power little by little, and kept her safe and valued and protected? nurtured her in every way? or was she always doomed from the start? was evanora right, did alice sign her death warrant the moment she chose to love agatha? I know what my answer is to all that, but what do you guys think?

and another question for you: billy casts around desperately for help, nicky answers. was nicky, or rather a shadow of nicky, created by billy too? or was the son of Death powerful enough and scared enough to reach out on his own, maybe with just a little push on billy's part?

a name was all it took for agatha to pass her trial, and look how much was needed to get it out of her. only billy's chaos could do the impossible: drag agatha's ravaged and wrecked heart to the surface. billy only wanted to help her heal, but he's a just a boy with the power to shape the universe. it took evoking ghosts and dredging up horrible trauma to make all of agatha's defenses crumble and raw-beat her into admitting her pain, into maybe, if we're lucky, starting on the road to recovery. oh, billy. you don't know how to handle things gently yet, with your big man's hands and your young, too young soul.

she stops IMMEDIATELY. she didn't know how to control her hunger, until now. the monster was human all along

by. as in, by billy, because he did it all. and also, good-bye. good-bye, mama.

oh, alice. there are no words.

and now they're no longer just numbers, just fools she conned and killed and abandoned on the road. now it's the girl with the big luminous heart, who sang the Ballad with her, who shared her same pain, the first human being in agatha's life who wanted to selflessly help her.

there is a moment, in a child's life, when they see a parent clearly for the first time.

go to episode 5 part 5

[am1dnightdreary]

Season 3 of this show is telling us what we've always been hinted at: that each and every Yellowjacket survivor has never gotten over their trauma of being stranded in the wilderness for years and they are now ruining their own lives and that of others because of this.

Shauna has been out of her mind season one. When she kills Adam because she thought he was blackmailing her, when she nearly kills the man that stole her car, when she threatens to kill Melissa and shoots her just to prove a point, and the list goes on. She has ruined her daughter, ruined her husband who has been trying to keep his family together only to breakdown realising that his wife is out of her mind and has been ruining their lives for years, probably since they began having sex behind Jackie's back.

Taissa wanted to pretend her life was alright. She had a wife, a kid, an amazing career, and yet it was all hiding the fact that deep down Other Taissa has probably been pulling the strings since day one. We only know of a handful of scenes where we can tell it was Other Tai because of the show telling us, but there are plenty of moments where we probably never knew whether it was really Tai or her counterpart.

Natalie went to support groups and pretended she was getting better when in reality she has never been the same since after they returned. She gets a single chance to peace when she arrives to Lottie's cult-ish place and dies there anyway, trying to be a better person, trying to save a friend. But in reality she was still the girl who drank herself to sleep and threw herself on drugs and sex and Travis when she didn't know how to cope with her trauma and her emotions.

Misty was and remains to this day the girl who seeks approval from her teammates, the one who always wanted to help and save and mend any crack that were left behind, even wounding herself in the process just to help out people who barely even glanced her way, both before, during and after the crash.

Lottie returned to a broken home and thought that by becoming an adult and helping people could also help her heal herself, and yet she ended up hallucinating her psychiatrist and eventually the Antler Queen, and despite trying to get on with her life and make something of herself after the wilderness, she was still sick no matter how many pills she took and electroshock therapies she went through.

Van tried to run away from it all, from a broken and difficult relationship, only to end up barely making ends meet with a store she loved and battling cancer (or rather ignoring it), probably expecting the same fate as her mom. She let herself get dragged back into this mess for Taissa, who just turned out to be as insane as the rest of them and surely not a safe place to land.

Melissa pretends like she is fine, like she has made amends and moved on by marrying the daughter of a woman they murdered, by starting her life anew. Except she has been lying to her wife since they met, married her most likely out of survivor's guilt and, despite what she might thing, she is just as unhinged as the rest of these girls and just as dangerous.

The bottom line? They were never going to have a normal life after leaving the wilderness, Shauna, Lottie and Taissa knew it and tried to stop the others and I think they were right. Because thinking back all the way from the beginning of this show, all these girls in their adult timeline have ever done is hurt themselves and/or others and put them all in immediate danger all because their past has haunted them since that plane crashed and they have been telling us this since the very first episode of the very first season.

Shauna was right: none of them get to have a normal life.

[the-crooked-library]

The Gender Narrative - from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to A24

Alright so I know this topic has probably been explored to hell and back (pun intended), but a transgender lens reading of Buffy the Vampire Slayer has beckoned me for years; and seeing I Saw the TV Glow yesterday was probably the last push I needed to get this out in writing. As we know, the film features a fictional television show heavily inspired by BTVS - and the framing highlights the same aspects I've wanted to dissect, so let's dive into it.

Spoilers under the cut!

Throughout its run, and despite its imperfections, BTVS drew much of its messaging from 90s (and early 2000s)-era feminism. Buffy's presentation as a sparkly, pink, girly girl is central to her character and her destiny. She is an icon of what girls can do and accomplish, even with the whole world against them - and, in this context, it is absolutely, startlingly captivating that her personal life revolves around a perpetual struggle for her right to girlhood.

Despite being the picture-perfect blonde Valley Girl on the surface, Buffy often finds herself barred from that existence by her Slayer identity. She is consistently perceived as too strong, too capable, too aggressive, too independent, too dangerous - and, ultimately, too masculine to participate even in the most stereotypical milestones of a girl in high school. Still, that experience is what she craves the most; so she signs up for the cheer squad, she loves shopping, she runs for Prom Queen, and she goes out slaying in a halter top, with perfect bouncy curls. In essence, Buffy Summers is desperate to pass - which takes us to ISTTG and the root of its story.

The two main characters of ISTTG - "Owen" and "Maddy" - are obsessed with a popular YA series, The Pink Opaque; which, between its credits font, its girl power themes, and monster-of-the-week format, is demonstrated to be an in-universe parallel to BTVS. The Buffy equivalent - or, the pink, pretty, sensitive, and powerful Isabel - is a point of utter fascination for "Owen."

there are no good stills of her online yet please forgive me

She is everything he wants to be, everything he is meant to be; and the time he spends with "Maddy", wearing a pink dress, a pink ghost drawn on the back of his neck, the pink glow of the TV vivid on his face, is the only time he feels anything approaching to happiness or peace. The very first sequence of the film establishes that "Owen" barely responds to his own name, that his father is a walking threat of what society commands him to become, and that his mother is loving but distant. Even later on, when he apparently has a "family of [his] own", we never even see their faces. Within the context of his life, he is little more than a ghost, going through the motions; and as the story goes on, it is revealed that "Owen" is Isabel, trapped in a false reality by Mr. Melancholy, the Big Bad of TPO. Her heart was carved out, she is drugged, and buried alive; and the sound of her slowly choking to death overlays "Owen's" steadily worsening asthma.

There is no denying the truth of that alternate existence by the end of the film. "Owen's" life is a nightmarish suffocation. Isabel is dying from a life of a boy she never was - in what is, explicitly, a transgender narrative.

The same story is directly mirrored by "Maddy."

Within the premise of ISTTG, she is the similarly trapped and suffocating "Tara"; or, the second half of the Pink Opaque - who, over the course of the film, discovers the truth of their reality, returns to the world of the TV show, and then comes back, unwilling to leave Isabel behind. However, what is particularly notable is that while her character's name is, of course, an homage to Tara Maclay (made all the more obvious via Amber Benson's cameo), the "Tara" of TPO is nothing like the soft-spoken, pastel-wearing witch.

Instead, she is a bold, loud punk with slicked-back hair and a leather jacket, who snarks at the monsters-of-the-week and speaks in poetry - she's Spike; and that provides the basis for her dynamic with "Owen" throughout the film.

In the world of BTVS, Spike is largely presented as a foil to Buffy's character. He is her thematic (and extremely sexually compatible) opposite; and that extends to his own relationship with gender. His story arc is defined by his struggle to be perceived as a man; on the Watsonian level, it is an identity persistently overshadowed by his vampirism - and in the Doylist sense, his poetry, occasional eyeliner, and painted nails might have something to do with that situation. Regardless, it is a significant factor in his narrative, both before and after his original, human death - to the point where he bonds with Buffy's mother, Joyce, specifically because she "treated [him] like a man"; and in the context of ISTTG, the same themes extend directly to "Maddy." In S5:Ep7 of BTVS (Fool for Love), Spike states that "getting killed made [him] feel alive for the very first time" - and when "Maddy" returns from the world of TPO, she explains that the only way to survive what Mr. Melancholy had done to them was to bury herself alive and die in the false world. Her statement is a monologue of slam poetry, spoken without interruption and illuminated by the steady blue of a high school planetarium; and while "Owen's" experience of blue lighting is usually aggressive and abrasive, "Maddy's" is soothing. It is right. It ties directly to what she is meant to be, even as her story inevitably terrifies "Owen" - who, much like Buffy, is not yet ready to face the truth of who he is or allow himself to indulge the desires he's buried for all his life.

From what I understand, the finale of the film has proven to be divisive; some interpret it as hopeful, others as crushingly bleak - but as a BTVS fan, and a trans man myself, I cannot see it as anything other than a peak of sheer, overwhelming panic that is only experienced at the very precipice of Change. My reason for it is rooted in the parallels between the respective season 5 finales of BTVS and TPO. For Isabel and "Tara," the story ends with their apparent defeat at the hands of Mr. Melancholy; and Buffy's ends with her sacrificing herself to save the world. She dies. She is buried. And then there's season 6. As such, inevitably, "Owen" is going to accept the truth of himself; he is going to die, Isabel is going to claw her way out of a grave - and when she does, only one person is going to understand what happened.

In conclusion - they are T4T. To me. And to Jane Schoenbrun, I suppose.

[star-nett]

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☆ Being Scared of Shifting ☆

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{Where focus goes, energy flows. Take what resonates, leave what does not 🖤}

- this is my first post back in several years, and first post to the shifting community! I’ve been nervous just because I feared I didn’t have enough information, but girl.. I have so much to share. So here is a lil something— tons more to come! -

Key terms: DR (Desired reality), CR (Current Reality), WR (Waiting Room)

˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦˚ . ★⋆.

If You’re Gonna Do It, Do It Scared.

Listen, if you’re scared, do it scared. Fear doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you care. It means you’re stepping outside your comfort zone!! Go diva!!! 💜🫶🏻

It took me forever to realize I was scared of reality shifting. Like, four and a half years— LIKE THAT LONG But deep down? I was yelling, “DAWG, I’M SCARED, LOWKEY.” I didn’t even realize it because my desire to shift was so strong that it drowned out the fear. And hey, that’s not necessarily bad. But if you want to move forward, it’s so important to recognize when fear is there. Facing it means you’re taking care of yourself and making sure you feel safe when you finally step into your DR.

☆ An Expierence I had that made me realize I was scared:

When I tell you I was shook the house. I was shaking in my Gucci boots for real. That’s how deep my fear is. And it’s so unbelievable because like?? Why the fuck am I scared of a place I wanna go bitch?? Who am I??

So, I was in the middle of doing my usual method. My whole body was numb, and my brain was so empty. (This was my best attempt too at this point) I felt so good. Against my eyelids I was starting to see flashes of light and purple splotches. I started to LOCK THE FUCK IN GIRL. Then, suddenly, I heard footsteps on the carpet in my CR. and I knew it was my CR. I tried reassuring myself: “I am safe” blah blah blah. Then, the footsteps became for frequent and I heard like a settling on my desk. (I can’t describe it, but it sounded like when wood desks creak for no reason). And my eyes shot open and I was in a state of pure panic and i pulled the blanket over my fACE. That’s when I knew, no matter what really transpired, if I was really channeling my DR— That was scary. And I will never do awake methods again.

☆ So, Is It Okay to Be Scared?

Bro, absolutely. Homie, fear is normal. It’s your subconscious trying to protect you, not sabotage you. And let’s be real—when people say, “You’ll just know you’re in your DR, it’ll feel like home,” it can feel impossible to connect with that if you’ve never “experienced” it.

Think about it—if your DR is vastly different from your CR, of course, it’s going to feel huge. You’re rewiring your perception of what’s real. Your subconscious? It’s just trying to keep you grounded in what it knows to be safe. That’s so OOGA BOOGA of her.. But trust me, being scared doesn’t mean you can’t shift. It means you’re human. Nothing is more powerful than being human 💜

GIRL ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO AWAKE METHODS. YALL ARE SO BRAVE. THOSE RANDOM SOUNDS KILL ME.

☆ How Do I Get Over This?

Here’s the truth: fear doesn’t mean you don’t want it—it means you care so much about it. That fear can actually be proof of how close you are because your subconscious knows something big is about to happen.

It’s also worth noting that fear is not a wall; it’s a door. It’s something you can walk through, and once you’re on the other side, that fear turns into excitement and peace.

All in all bestie, This part depends on you. For some, it’s easy: a pep talk and some affirmations, and they’re good to go. For others, fear isn’t something to fight—it’s something you learn to hold hands with and accept.

Reassure yourself: When you feel fear creeping in, remind yourself of how safe and loved you are. Your DR self and your comfort character (and your DR life) are waiting for you with nothing but warmth, familiarity, and love. Say to yourself, “This is exactly what I want. I’m safe.”

Visualize comfort: Imagine a comfort character or two, right there with you, keeping you safe and grounded as you shift. Let their presence calm you in moments of fear. What ever it is that calms you, use that as your catalyst to keep going.

Create a waiting room: A lot of people recommend this one and I can see why. A waiting room is like a pit stop before your DR. It’s a place you can adjust and prepare. My waiting room looks exactly like my bedroom but the door looks different and it leads to my DR. It was the first place I shifted to. I got to know the feeling of shifting, and I felt safe! Ofc I did! I was in my room! The room I know. The room my subconscious knows and feels. See what I’m getting at? Work with yourself, not against yourself.

☆ What Do I Do When Fear Hits Me Mid-Attempt?

This bitch can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Maybe you’re about to fall asleep, or you’ve just started visualizing, and suddenly, your heart races, and you’re like, “Oh no, what if—?”

What you do next matters. Will you help yourself or bury yourself deeper?

🪬 Ground yourself. Start with deep breaths. Count your breathing. Visualize it— do whatever you have to do. Just. Breathe. Your DR breathes too. Breathe.

🪬 Acknowledge the fear. It’s there. It’s not driving the car though, you are. Remember that. Passengers can yap aaaalllll they want, but the wheel is in your hands.

🪬 Reaffirm your safety. Remind yourself: “I am safe. I am ready. My DR is a place of peace and love.” Any little affirmations that soothe your mind! Words are very powerful— especially to our subconscious. Our subconscious can’t see, but it can hear. You have to feed it healthy words otherwise you’re gonna sink.

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{I believe I hit all the major things I wanted to talk about here! Feel free to message me about anything else. I’ll be more than happy to answer questions!}

Next post teaser: Prioritize your DR self :3 💜

[blackpilljesus]

what advice do you have for girls who found out about bp young? (like 16-24). is it better for them to try to disconnect from the harsh reality at that stage since there's so much mandatory interaction and peer pressure with males?

Dealing with the blackpill.

Before I go on I'll say that disconnecting is dangerous because what you think wont stop reality. Many women & girls come into blackpill spaces & get scared off thinking it means they have to be miserable 24/7 and while the ideology is bleak, personally being blackpilled doesnt mean you have to be miserable all the time. You can still try to craft a life you want for yourself. Use what you know about the blackpill to your advantage when dealing with moids & women. However I understand that the blackpill can be overwhelming & depressive so here's how the blackpill can be dealt with as a woman:

Reach Acceptance - When you encounter the blackpill, many tend to go through the 5 stages of grief either consecutively or at the same time. It's a cycle within a bigger cycle of grief (likely mourning the freedom most women will never have). Being able to pinpoint your feelings makes it easier to handle them. I think the blackpill is the depression stage of the wider cycle of grief when you realise the world we're in. As you go through the motions of feelings - aim for acceptance. Acceptance doesn't mean being okay with the way the world is but just recognising it for what it is which will help you move forward (accordingly).

Realise it's not your fault - We were born into a messed up situation full of issues that wasn't our fault. These problems have existed way before we were born and will exist after we die. A lot of depressive feelings towards the climate is because there's a sense of (failed) responsibility felt over things we can't control. There's highs & lows for everyone with some having more highs or lows than the other it is what it is. You can't save everyone and it's not your responsibility to as all of this goes above us.

Use what you know to your advantage - Instead of disconnecting, you can use the blackpill to make more informed decisions. I can't speak for everyone but being blackpilled is something that further affirmed that I will never have children no matter what because I would never want to bring anyone to an environment like this. Another informed choice I make based on being blackpilled is not dating maIes knowing their nature so I don't delulu myself into danger or being used. Some will say you don't need to be blackpilled for this which is true but this is what I personally think. I found peace in the blackpill realising misogyny wasn't something with me specifically but the environment we're + nature. Being blackpilled also made me wary of other women which can be a lifesaver as some women out there are also dangerous. Despite the girlboss women supporting women schtick that feminism pushes, that is not the case irl. Basically you can guard yourself better using what you know to make better informed choices on who to trust and how. For example, not wasting time getting into discourse about misogyny as you cant argue through privilege/nature. Not everyone will or has to understand but they don't need to either.

Let the blackpill guide you not control you - Many tend to be controlled by it which can also lead to feelings like anger or depression which makes their life harder so they run.

Prioritise yourself - The blackpill is about our environment. We can't control much of that but we can control ourselves. Focus on improving yourself so you dont have to rely on others much. Carve out a haven in this hell for your mental wellbeing - again dont feel responsible for saving the world. Focus on building positive things for yourself no matter how small it is, you'll need something of the sort to keep you sane. Do things you enjoy. Don't feel pressured to save others especially if they don't want to be saved. A lot of us get into political spaces at a younger age which leads some to the female blackpill at a young age & it can definitely mess up your psych. Many young people get involved in politics bc the adults around them failed them (bc it shouldn't be left to young people to sort world problems) so they're driven into politics as a result of their circumstances. Be it novelty or age many of us come into political spaces believing we can change things easily but eventually come to realise that we cant which can make us feel like crap. Maturing is realising things are complicated and out of our control which is why it's important to prioritise yourself when you're young instead. Besides whatever you can do is limited if you dont have money, power, or resources to influence circumstances.

A little bit goes a long way - If you're in a position where you're able to help another woman/girl safely then go for it if you want. Be it donating money, time, space, etc. Don't feel compelled to do this (especially if you're young) but as we can't control everything, helping a little bit in your corner of the world can have a positive impact on others and your mental wellbeing. Even though the blackpill is about doomerism you don't have to constantly mope about things. Part of what makes the doom & gloom feelings of the blackpill overwhelming is that it's easy to slip & drown in victim mentality. As much as it'll suck to hear: endless complaining or endless thinking wont help. If you can't do anything for others at least do something for yourself (point 5).

Don't have kids - Ultimately what keeps me sane is knowing I'm not adding anymore children to this hellhole. When I die the suffering in my line ends with me no way are my offspring coming here. No daughter will be birthed here by me to suffer. No maIe will be be birthed here by me to inflict suffering.

In terms of interaction with maIes: keep it short & focused if it absolutely has to happen, dont help them either but disconnecting from the blackpill wont help in this case. If anything as I said before it can help you navigate your interactions with them.

Also, read this.

[lonniemachin]

Eman reached out to me to help share her fundraiser. She is a Palestinian mother of twin girls, Sara and Huda, who are currently residing in southern Gaza and urgently raising money to evacuate to Egypt. Her fundraiser has stopped receiving donations within the past couple of days, and she has only made $220 out of her currently $15,000 goal! Please donate and share, and if you can't donate, please still share!

Eman's Twitter/X account: @emanhajjaj86

From Eman's family's GFM:

To My Dear Friends,

Huda and Sara, twins who are twelve years old, stand together in the middle of Gaza as witnesses to the destruction that our home is enduring as the situation unfolds. Our family of four, including our parents, Abdelhadi and Eman, endures the daily fight for survival, a demonstration of the strength needed after devastation.

Our brand-new haven was leveled to the ground on the night of the battle, destroying all but the remnants of our hopes and dreams. Amidst the mayhem, we find solace in the familiar, a life that was once adorned with the innocent delights of youth.

We have sought refuge in the camps in southern Gaza, but the constant din of bombs here makes us question our own survival. The daily struggle for food, water, and the illusory promise of safety is an interminable one.

We humbly want your assistance, filled with both despair and optimism. Our plea is straightforward: cross borders, seek refuge in safety, and retrace the route to prosperity and education. Egypt stands out like a light of hope, offering a fresh start far from the chaos that has engulfed our life.

With the help of your kind donations, we may begin our journey, giving us a second chance to rebuild and restore the hopes and dreams that the war had taken away. Our family's safe journey, a doorway to a future when peace is more than a wish—it will be a genuine reality—requires a total of $40,000.

Donations of any size are greatly appreciated and represent a powerful show of solidarity that reflects the resilience of the human spirit. Together, we can change our fate. Help us build a story of perseverance that goes beyond the obstacles of war by joining us in this mission to turn despair into hope.

Best regards and best wishes,

Sara, Huda, Abdelhadi, and Eman

(The Youtube links provided are from the description of the fundraiser page)

[paddlescuddlesbubblesgurgles]

Ideals

My ideal submissive and feedee is smaller than me. Shorter. Not quite as heavy. Someone I can throw around or push over. She would be able to eat a lot, but I still outclass her pretty handily. I want to be her garbage disposal.

I like all manners of submission, but a sub who wants me to take care of her is really special. Planning her days by the hour, picking her clothes, her makeup, her nails, her hair, her meals, how much she eats…removing as much choice and thinking as possible. Removing as many obstacles as I can to allow her to focus on her passions, and looking pretty for me is ideal. If I can enable her to grow and flourish and bloom, then I’ve done my job.

Ideally, she loves praise and being rewarded. She loves doing things I set out for her, and she loves doing things together. She loves completing tasks, making reports, and researching. She also loves games of all kinds, expressing herself through her art(whatever it is), and is certainly a real dorky nerd. She loves eating. She simply must love eating. She must love being trained. I love training submissive a little each day, and introducing them to more and more things I know they will love, and that will maximize their pleasure. She must also love routines. There doesn’t have to be many rules, perhaps just one: listen.

I like being much bigger, 100lbs+ and a foot taller. I want my hands to be massive on her. I want her to feel small and protected, even if she’s really quite huge. I want to tower over her and be able to wrap my arms around her either because they’re so long, or she’s so squishy.

Fat girls always giggle and squeal when you can manhandle them. One of my favorite tricks to pull out of my hat. So what you weigh 300lbs+? I can fling you across the room or hold you where I need you no problem. Really get me going and I may just lift you up. Adrenaline is a powerful thing.

I want to build a space for her around me where she’s heard, celebrated, and made to feel safe. Where her dreams are reality. I want her time around me to feel like a fantasy come to life. If I can make the world revolve around her, I will. I want to spoil her rotten, and then some. I want her to feel open to experimentation, and to trying new things.

I want to completely redefine pleasure for her. Mind shattering orgasms. I want her dedication and devotion to be rewarded. Hours of playing with her until her body can’t take it and she explodes in desire. I want trust, too. If she trusts, I trust, and we go places neither of us ever have. Deep, intense sessions with all manner of new and different kinks we’ve never fully tried, or that require total abandonment of reservation. All in the pursuit of a greater pleasure, and a greater peace together. Ideally, we will be able to play each other like fiddles.

Feedism fits perfectly in this dynamic for me. Stuffing, gaining weight, and pushing limits are all common, and are mirrored in D/S dynamics in general. It also goes hand in hand with pleasure control. Eating in extreme excess simply for enjoyment fits right alongside pushing the body and the mind for maximum pleasure.

Because I like to take care of my submissive, DD/LG dynamics also work well for me. Creating a fun, relaxed, and completely cute environment where thought, choice, and even talking is totally optional and entirely not necessary is easy for me. I love gift giving and planning out activities, so it’s easy for me to create a little space for the submissive. I’m also a total sucker for extreme cuteness.

Ideally we are a 24/7 dynamic as well, and romantic partners. A deep connection made only stronger by placing each other in each other’s hands every day. I’ve only ever had a 24/7 dynamic once, and it redefined what I thought possible.

In my world with my submissive, there IS takesy backsies. Safe words, traffic lights, serious aftercare, and session logs are all regular. To go to these deep places far in our minds and hearts, there must be ways to come out of it, heal from it, or stop it. At any time I want the communication to be open. We can rewind, end, or redefine things as needed to help each other reach these new depths of pleasure. Things can be added or removed at will, and we can fix things that don’t feel right.

In my mind, my submissive is trusting me to take her to places she’s never been in her own mind, and in pleasure as a whole. She’s trusting me to take as much off her mind as possible, so she can be free. I want to do the thinking, and the planning, and the worrying so she doesn’t have to.

thanks for reading!

[snootlestheangel]

If someone hasn't asked yet Pricegravesnik for that ship thing :D

Ooohhh a challenge! Let's see where this goes lol

They're all married for this btw

If anyone wants to submit another ship, please do so! If you actually have other ideas for the questions "Like who takes the hottest showers?" then I'd love to hear them!

Who was the one to propose? Actually I want to say Price when he proposed to Nik. I want to say neither were willing to commit to marrying each other for a couple years until something happened and Price realized it's never a guarantee to keep the good things in life, so might as well keep them close while you can. Nik's the one that started the flirting with Graves and wanted to propose to him, but Graves beat him to it. (my tired brain made me read that as Graves proposed to himself, which honestly? He would. He'd do it just to mess with them and go "Sorry, I'm already engaged")

Who stressed more over wedding planning? I genuinely see Nik as the one that was flipping out the whole time. Graves was surprisingly the least stressed (he was recruiting his Shadows for help shhhhh) and Price was experiencing about the normal level of stress you'd expect for a wedding.

Who decorated the house? Graves. In truth, it was a mostly group effort; Price's favorite recliner is there, Nik's very nice, suspiciously acquired liquor cabinet, a few things they've both received from Laswell, Farah, Alex, and the 141 boys. But Graves is the true decorator. Granted, most of this stuff is gifts from the Shadows when they heard he was getting married.

Who does the cooking? I, again, want to say Graves's Southern ass does, but like... I feel like Price knows his way around a kitchen, ya know? Nik is banished from kitchens.

Who is more organized? None of them are necessarily organized per say. Graves is the best at keeping the appearance of being organized but in reality it's Price. Graves's planners are always neat, his desk is always neat, but that doesn't mean shit. Price's office always looks like Nik landed a copter too close but he knows exactly where everything is and he's the most on top of schedules/appointments/important dates.

Who suggested kids first? Nik. Like as a serious suggestion. He's seen the way both his husbands are, and he just knows they'd be wonderful dads. Desperately wants to be a girl dad.

Who's the cuddler? Nik is the cuddliest, but Graves is a close second. Price just wants some fucking peace and quiet.

Who is big spoon/little spoon? Graves always ends up the little spoon of at least one of them. As much as he tries his best to be a big spoon and big spoon only, he always ends up in the middle of them with one wrapped around behind him. Nik is always a big spoon though, and somehow Price ends up being the little spoon. (Graves is not complaining, he's got two bears for husbands so you know ending up in the middle of that is hella nice. And he should be thankful) *I am extremely jealous of Graves now but I have no one to blame but myself and maybe @midnight193 for submitting this ship*

What's their favorite non-sexual activity? Probably something quiet, but at the same time they're all so chaotic it'd never stay quiet long, so I almost want to say something like *mind blanks* Um.... Honestly? Bowling. Don't ask me why, it just popped in there and now I can't get that mental image out of my head. That or axe-throwing cause they're each such show-offs. Graves gets a +2 strength bonus when the Shadows are around

Who comes home drunk at 3am? Nik. Is there really any other answer? It's not often, it's still a rarity, but still. That! Or it's Graves after a party with his Shadows. He's always absolutely blasted after social engagements involving alcohol with his Shadows

Who kills the spiders? Price. None of them are afraid, but Graves did have one really bad allergic reaction once and ever since then Price is the one to kill the spiders. Nik tried using fire once. It did not work. He is no longer allowed to kill spiders, even though he promises to never do it again

Who falls asleep first? Hot take? Graves. He's going 100 all day and just crashes once it's bedtime. Sometimes, if Nik and Price are coming home late, they walk in to see Graves just sprawled out on the bed, having not even bothered taking his jeans off and he is out cold. (of course they always gently get him into bed proper and that's how he ends up in the middle)

A head-canon? Nik is a human furnace, which is partly why he has to be one of the ends when they cuddle/sleep. There have been times where he's ended up in the middle and Price is just on the floor cause HOT. Graves, a true Texan (he's Texan right? *I am having an existential crisis over this for some reason??*) is used to the heat, and is secretly sometimes reminded of home with it, so he's okay with being swarmed by human heater Nik. Price, a fucking Brit, can't stand it when he's too warm for comfort. He'd rather kill his back sleeping on the floor or their really shitty couch than be trapped with that. A second one because why not? Price always ends up being the "victim" of sexual jokes/blatant nasty flirting from Graves and Nik. He can be chilling, minding his business, and suddenly one of them says something really dirty to the other and Price, the poor thing, it's not his fault he gets so easily flustered!

Do they have any rituals? Graves has so many rituals when it's Shadow Olympics week. There's too many to count but they're all vital for his team winning, and even some of them to ensure none of his Shadows are harmed/all have fun. Nik constantly teases him for being a dad, which ends up in Graves calling himself Daddy and making Price snort his tea. Price has incredible oral hygiene, and the other two have pretty normal routines for that sort of thing. Nik's only "ritual" is the series of stretches he does before flying. It took a while for Graves to be able to witness it, so Price once recorded it and sent it to him.

Who has the most patience? Nik, a thousand times over. Price has to deal with Soap, Ghost, and Gaz on a constant basis. And those boys are so needy they can't just leave him alone during leave, either! Graves can be pretty patient, but after a long day of dealing with hyperactive Shadows and a giant techie with chronic anxiety, he gets a little snippy. Nik on the other hand? Totally chilled out like 90% of the time. He's had a couple of bad days where he'll scowl at someone annoying him and the very rare occasions that he does lose his cool. Ghost has witnessed this once, and the rant Nik was on wasn't even directed at him, but he's still traumatized by it (@cod-dump has an incorrect quotes that definitely inspired this. In fact! Mike is the fucking reason I'm obsessed with Graves now! So *angrily stomps but it's more like a cute puppy* damn you! This is your fault!)

Gif that sums up their relationship?

I dunno I tried. I searched too long and this is all I could come up with

[kendelias]

 katie’s neverending ocs 🦇   ↳ cordelia ward (✗)

Cordelia just wanted to be a normal girl. She wanted to go to school, hang out with her friends, go to Harvard, and pass the bar. But really, she was doomed from the start. Her mother, a reality TV debutante who split the moment she was born, and father, an action movie star who couldn't leave their front door without getting mauled by fans, made a normal life nearly impossible - especially when her father died, leaving his only daughter behind and totally alone. With no one left to take care of her or take her in, she ended up in foster care, eventually landing in the home of former Hollywood power couple Ronan and Marlene Ramsey. Looking to rediscover the fame they now lacked and yet desperately craved, the Ramseys packed her and her foster siblings up and moved them straight into the Palm Woods - home to the stars. While her foster parents push her siblings into the spotlight, Cordelia - or Del, as she goes by nowadays - tries desperately to stay out of it. After it took both her parents from her, she wanted nothing to do with Hollywood, not even the whacky (albeit semi-endearing) residents of the Palm Woods. For a while, it worked; her standoffish attitude and aloof persona drove everybody but her new best friend, fellow Palm Woods outcast Emerson Owens, away. She even got to go to the public school down the street instead of enrolling in the Palm Woods's joke of a school. Life isn't perfect, far from it, but hey, it could be worse. Then the newest additions to the Palm Woods arrive - the boys of Big Time Rush. Causing chaos and wreaking havoc left and right, they instantly disrupt the fragile peace maintained at the apartment complex, and unlike their neighbors, seem pretty unwilling to leave Del alone. Ever since she ran into their lead singer and (rightfully) pushed him into the pool, they've kept roping her further and further into their hijinks, turning her world completely upside down. Yet for some reason, she's drawn to Kendall Knight and his band of blundering idiots. Yes, their stupidity is astounding, and yes, they might all end up behind bars before they're 18 - but for the first time since her dad died, she finally feels alive, and that has to count for something. Don't get her wrong; she still wants to leave this town, go to Harvard, and never look back. But maybe she can have some fun in the meantime. Growing up and getting out can wait a while. After all, what's the big time rush?

[sournatromanoff]

Angels Like You

I am so excited to share the first part of my new story with you all! Each chapter coincides with a song, and this chapter’s song is “When I Dream at Night” by Marc Anthony. Feel free to listen to it, and I really hope you enjoy this 🥰

Prologue - When I Dream at Night

Walking through a field of wheat, Elvis felt more at peace than he had in a long time. No family troubles, no media riding his tail, no fans swarming him wherever he goes, and best of all, no Colonel telling him what he should be doing. He could just walk through the field for hours, feel the sun on his face and the ground beneath his feet.

There was just one thing missing, and Elvis knew exactly what it was. The girl that he would meet in these fields. She wasn’t here. Everytime she was here with him, he truly forgot about life away from this field. He was consumed by her, her soft hair, her dress flowing in the breeze. Her skin, her smile, her laugh. Her voice. God, her voice was the best thing he would ever hear. And yet, he knew that as soon as he left the field, it would all be gone. She would be gone without a trace, and he would be left once again with his normal thoughts, his anxieties.

Elvis knew he had dug himself into quite the situation. He had fallen for a girl who didn’t exist, and yet he still came back for more. Maybe it was because he couldn’t find anyone who made him feel the way she did. Or maybe, just maybe, he felt more alive when dreaming about her than he did awake, living his day to day. And he would gladly keep visiting her in dreamland, as long as he could stay by her side.

A song filled the air, shifting his reality once again. Her voice flooded into his ears, and Elvis knew she had finally arrived to bring him life once again. Her voice was sweeter than any music he heard, more heart wrenching than an aria. Her melody filled him with such passion, such joie de vivre. Even with his own love of music, nothing was quite like her. He could listen to her for as long as the universe let him, and he would.

Elvis watched as she came into view, singing a song that he couldn’t hear the words of, and yet he seemed to understand perfectly. He listened as her slight rasp ran through the words to the song, the melody seemingly coming from her soul, all the way out of her mouth.

As she got closer, Elvis could finally hear the words. I only feel alive when I dream at night. Even though she’s not real, it’s alright. It was as if she was reading his mind, reading into his soul. He walked over to meet her, the song he heard from her fading when he stopped in front of her. He reached out his hand to brush against hers, and Elvis felt the telltale shock of energy when she grabbed onto his hand with her own. He looked down at her face, glowing in the sunlight, and saw the smile etched onto her lips. Her teeth shone in the daylight like porcelain, and her eyes were galaxies that held the secrets to the universe, and Elvis wanted to learn each and every one of them.

There were so many things Elvis had wanted to say to her, so many things he thought about during his waking moments. And yet, being here with her now, all of those thoughts vanished as he gazed upon her beauty. He knew he’d find a different moment for those words, but for now, he’d rather just keep her company in the fields of his dreams.

Elvis watched as she guided him to a tree at the end of the wheat field, sitting down before gesturing for him to sit with her. As soon as he sat down, she moved to lay on his lap. The two stayed like that for a while, before she started singing again. Elvis listened as she sang, finally able to distinguish more lyrics. I only feel alive when I dream at night. Every move that she makes holds my eyes. And I fall for her everytime. He almost chuckled at the song, the irony of it not being lost on him. Elvis was only ever truly alive when he was dreaming of her, dreaming of being with her. Even with all their talking, he never knew her name. But, he supposed, if she wasn’t real, there was no need for her to have one.

The girl on his lap kept singing, shifting a bit so that she was looking up at him, her back even on his lap. Her hand moved to touch his face, caressing him as if he would disappear if she were too harsh with her touches. Elvis began to run his own hand through her hair, scratching at her scalp as he went. She sighed at the feeling, switching to humming the rest of her song before finally finishing. She gazed up into his eyes, watching as the blue nebulas swirled with admiration and passion.

“Your eyes are filled with such depth, Elvis. I could get lost in them forever.” The girl laid a hand on his cheek, gazing into his eyes. “Sometimes I wonder, though, what else is behind them? You always look so sad when I see you.” Elvis sighed, moving his hand up to grasp hers, still at his cheek. “I just wish I could be here with you all the time, angel. I only ever feel alive when I’m here with you. Like everything else just…falls away, I suppose.” She gave a small chuckle, and Elvis furrowed his brow. “What is it?” She sighed happily. “Nothing, it’s just that, I feel exactly the same way. Like even though this is only temporary, it’s the one thing I look forward to anymore. Seeing you.”

It was Elvis’ turn to chuckle. “I could say the same thing, darling. But angels like you can’t fly down here with me. Not for long. Maybe that’s why we can only stay like this. Stay dreaming.” He knew she wasn’t real. He knew this was his subconscious playing a trick. But he still wanted to stay with her, have her wrapped in his arms.

The girl on his lap sighed softly. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re the angel here? Maybe you were sent for me, not the other way around.” Elvis opened his mouth, ready to ask what she could possibly mean, when he heard a voice call out for him. “Elvis. Elvis!”

Elvis woke up with a start. He was face down in bed, his mother shaking him awake. When he rolled over to face her, his mother smiled at him. “Finally, satnin. I was about to get your father in here to wake you. I swear, sometimes you sleep like the dead. It’s time to wake up, we’ve got a big day planned for you. And to think, you’re finally 22!”

As his mother walked out of his bedroom and down the stairs, Elvis laid back, wishing he could go back to sleep. “Another year, Another day waiting to go back to see her.”

~~~~

Hearing a banging on her door, Y/N awoke abruptly. Moaning softly, she got out of bed before opening her apartment door. When she did, she saw her band mate and best friend Dolly with an annoyed look on her face. “We have 2 hours to get to the Mint, and you’re napping? I get you’ve been having trouble sleeping, but today’s important. It’s our first show!” Sighing, Y/N opened the door for Dolly to enter the apartment. “I’m sorry, Dolly. I wasn’t trying to make us late. I set an alarm and everything, I swear. I just…needed an extra boost.” The singer sat down before grabbing her song book and writing down a line from her dream. “And if you were really worried, you could’ve used the key I gave you. It’s for emergencies, after all.”

Dolly sat down next to Y/N, watching as her friend wrote. “Another Elvis dream, I’m guessing? You always write the saddest stuff after having them. This has to be the third time this week alone.” Getting up to change into her outfit for the show, Y/N nodded in acknowledgment. “I know, I probably should see a sleep therapist or something. But whenever I dream of him, it just fuels my music, you know? I know exactly what I should be writing, and I know what I’m supposed to be doing. things become clear when I’m with him. Is that totally crazy? It’s like I’m meant to be dreaming of him for whatever reason.”

Grabbing her boots, Y/N listened as her friend responded. “I don’t think it’s totally crazy. But I do think it’s concerning that you keep dreaming of a dead rockstar every other night, and that it’s how you get your muse. There are other ways for you to find a muse, Y/N. You just need some help finding it again, I think.” The singer nodded along, listening as the bassist gave her thoughts on the matter. “Ok. Maybe tonight will help me find some inspiration. Why don’t we get going, and I’ll try to forget about all of these dreams for the night?”

Y/N grabbed her keys before leading Dolly down the stairs of the complex to her car, singing a song. As she sang, she avoided her friend’s gaze. She knew this wasn’t forgetting, but she also knew she would never be able to get the dreams of her hero and crush out of her head no matter how hard she tried.

‘Cause I only feel alive when I dream at night. Even though he’s not real, it’s alright….

[valandhirwriter]

Gaunter o'Dimm (because I was asked about him and ... well), Rand al'Thor and uuuuuuh Bilbo 😂

Now, that's an interesting set of characters you chose.

Let's start

Gaunter O'Dimm

How I feel about this character: I honestly dislike the character, concept and all. The GoD wordplay was way too obvious, and I felt he didn't really fit the world as a whole.

That being said, he is a wonderful excuse, as there was one God-like being in the world, one can now go and work in other deities, or deity-like beings and no one can say that such things don't exist in canon.

As a person I dislike Gaunter, he's a putz.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Only those I would wish severely punished. Radovid and other monsters can happily have a tumble with Gaunter and then die painfully from his schemes.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: All the Hags from Aretuza.

My unpopular opinion about this character: he's lame. One of the lamest versions of Devil Pact one could write.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Gaunter being proven a fraud. Just a person playing with peoples fears and having delusions of grandeur.

Rand al'Thor

How I feel about this character: I like his character arc, as the readers we get to witness him growing from that farmboy, to a hero, to a leader, and to a man who transcends reality. He goes on this incredible journey, but a part of him always remains that boy from the two Rivers, even when he retrieves the memories of his former life. While he is not my favourite character in WoT, he is one I always rooted for.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: his canon ships: Min/Elayne/Aviendha, and my secret guilty pleasure is Rand al'Thor/Galad Trakand. And yes, I know that would be inknowing incest, as they share the same mother.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Perrin Aybara and Lan al'Mandragoran.

Lan and Rand share so many things, both had to rise to leadership young, Rand as the dragon reborn and Lan as the King of a destroyed nation, and both never could escape their war with the Dark One. Rand says in the end that Lan taught him how to stand tall, and that's so true.

Perrin is Rand's childhood friend and steadfast support. I could see him even as a romantic option for Rand, though his role as the solid friend on whom Rand could always rely is easily as strong. There is a dichotomy in their arcs, as Rand embraces being the Dragon Reborn (eventually) while Perrin struggles with being a Lord and a Leader for most of the story. he doesn't want people to follow him, but they do, because Perrin is a solid leader and Perrin with the banner of Manetheren is just... yes!!

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think most readers will agree that he is as stubborn as a dozen mules, so that doesn't count. His eternal distrust for anything Aes Sedai is also somewhat annoying, but most fans will agree there too.

My personal gripe with him is the multitude of girls he has. Lady Selene, Elayne, Aviendha, Min... that's such teenager wish-fullfilment, it is annoying.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Oh there are many, I will leave it with two.

Him and Galad talking after Tarmon Gai'don. Gawyn told Galad that Galad had a half brother, so their encounter would be great. Before Tarmon Gai'don would even be better (if Galad could receive the information) because the Lord Captain Commander of the Children of Light and the Dragon Reborn would be a match made in Chaos.

Rand and Tam finding each other again after Tarmon Gai'don. Tam deserves to know that while Rand's body died on Shayol Ghul, Rand's soul did not. But I console myself that Tam may find peace in protecting Elayne's children, and thus getting to know his grandchildren.

Bilbo Baggins

How I feel about this character: I love Bilbo. The reluctant adventurer, always wishing he could be home again. His movie portrayal I also loved.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: usually none. Bilbo is one of those character who's eternal bacherlorhood is firmly engrained in the story. Though I did enjoy reading some rarepairs, paring Bilbo with Bofur or Dwalin.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: canon: Dwalin. Best friends forever. My AU: Kili - friends to hell and back.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I do not believe Bilbo could just come home and live his quiet life after all that he saw and lived through. Especially with the canon ending where Thorin, Fili and Kili died and Bilbo was bound to feel guilty about it. I cannot see Bilbo coming home and living whole and hearty, with all the nightmares (the "horrors in the halls of stone") he has lived through, including the battle of the five armies.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. I would have loved to see more of Bilbo's own adventures. See him travel, experience more things. He was fairly free in using the ring to hide, so the means to have him survive some crazy shit would have been right there. In my AU I tookl my own spin on this by Bilbo returning to Erebor.

[vonbirden]

staying silent about it won't help. || Levi at Gabi 💕 @naitfall x

“ I know that (...) ” IT TAKES HER A MOMENT to depart from her silence. She's open up a lot recently, hasn't she? Her entire world had been challenged after all. Everything she'd once known seemed to disappear right before her eyes. It was a bitter pill to swallow ╾╾ her own ignorance. The end of war, the final battle, it usually filled her with pride. A star solider, a girl who would risk her very life to please her high ranking superiors ... no, to make up for even being born with the blood in her veins. She had been happy. A lot of them made it out of hell itself. But reality would come crashing down just as eager. They were on the same side, even now. And, honestly, Gabi had made peace with that / made peace with all she had done when it came to war. BUT IT NEVER TRULY GOES. She see's it in Connie's eyes, every now and then; and it's a reminder. It was war. They killed just as many of her friends. But even so, seeing the aftermath of that one shot, watching the grief and rage directed at her more times then she'd ever known. She's starting to see it in her dreams, and just as the smoke was finally clearing ... a relatively peaceful start to their new world. “ Hey, Levi. ” A SOLIDER SHE WAS ONCE SUPPOSED TO FEAR had ended up a strange comfort to her. He was weird like that. Guess in a way, he wasn't all that different to General Magath / in the end, she realised how important he was to her and, in those moments, how important they were to him. Is that also why ... she doesn't want to disappoint Levi. Or was it that she didn't want him to look at her the same way she catches glimpses of from his colleagues. “ Don't you ... hate me? ” Suddenly she feels so small, pulling her knees closer to her chest. This was so stupid. Everyone else was doing their best to look forward. So was she! But with the dreams so vivid now, and with those looks she gets, she knows, deep down, just maybe, her sins outweighed the rest. That's how it felt. “ I see how they look at me. Maybe they don't even realise it. But I do. I've killed a lot of people. But this one ╾╾ I don't think I'll ever be forgiven. Do ... you also feel that way? ”

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 5, 2024

Judgement day.

And I couldn’t be happier that my bracket was SO wrong. I hate to admit it, Francisco crushed this.

On April 18th I will be headed to Los Cañones, Panama Oeste. Approx population 200-250. Super rural. Electricity will be an issue but cell service and water are pretty reliable. Xavier knows the town and told me that there’s an orange orchard, a big river, and lots of kids. I’m only about 30 minutes away from Los Mortales.

Along with me in Panama Oeste are 🥁🥁🥁

CAITLIN, Sam, Maddy, Sophie, and Janet. It’s a motherfucking SQUAD. I’m so excited. When the big reveal happened and we all flipped our folders over, Caitlin and I were standing next to each other and it was the most relief I’ve ever felt. That girl is gonna be my neighbor the rest of my life i swear to god. I never believed I’d be in the same region as her and now I’m letting myself be excited. And let me tell you…our families are FREAKING OUT. They are so happy because we are so close. They all cried. Sughedys told me that if i hate my new family i can just come live with her again and we don’t have to tell the Peace Corps anything.

THEN in my packet of information, they mentioned the name of the last volunteer who was in this site, pre covid. Naturally i found him on Instagram in about 7 seconds and started messaging him. He returned to Panama after his service was terminated early due tot he pandemic and now he runs a hotel in Veraguas, Panama. So essentially, he’s amazing. He’s been messaging me all night and says he still goes back to visit Los Cañones because they’re his family now. Every message he sends just elevates this to such a new level of realness. He and his brother are going to visit me the day after I move there to show me around and introduce me to people.

Today felt insane. The anxiety and nerves and energy was really stressful and although I couldn’t be happier and was so relieved, the comedown from all the emotions made me jittery and exhausted. I’m nowhere near Audrey, Liv, or Carlo. We all are making plans to see each other but who knows the reality of how well we will execute those plans. Liv is so far and I know she’s scared because she’s hours away from other volunteers, whereas i can walk to Sam in less than an hour. I’m tempering my excitement around her, but she knows that’s what I’m doing and there’s no way to diminish her fears until she’s there and it all works out. Geographically she’s got one of the coolest sites, so i intend on keeping my visiting pact.

Feeling crazy, and sleep doesn’t want to greet me again. Unfortunate considering I’m headed to Panama City at 6 am tomorrow.

[alloveydovey]

Dramas! I feel like I'm back in the game (having no life and watching dramas lol)

The Trunk, 2024 (kdrama) 9

A remarried woman sets her ex-husband up with a new wife. Hoping to win her back, he reluctantly agrees. However, unlike his insane ex, his contract wife turns out to be a decent person, helping him escape his misery.

I’m not sure if this deserves a 9—it probably doesn’t—but it’s the first time in a long while that a drama has kept me glued to the TV like this one. The plot has its weak points, and for me, one of them is how the story begins: an ex-wife arranging a contract marriage for her ex-husband. Why? To punish him? Because she’s unhinged? A plot driven by a character simply being “crazy” feels like a stretch to me. Maybe that wasn’t the intent, but it’s how I initially interpreted it. That said, I understand that “crazy” characters can be compelling, and despite this and other flaws, the story completely drew me in. Gong Yoo and Seo Hyun Jin were absolutely mesmerizing. I really liked the idea of an adult romance, where the characters find comfort in each other despite their tough lives. (And it was so nice to see Gong Yoo back in a drama. Might become insane and rewatch all the dramas I've seen of him, who knows.)

Go Go Squid, 2019 (cdrama) 8

A girl falls in love at first sight with a customer at her cousin's internet cafe. Life keeps giving her opportunities to follow him around, causing confusion. For some reason, the ML doesn’t clear up these misunderstandings, leaving everyone—including her and himself—confused. Eventually, he truly starts falling for her.

In true cdrama fashion, the plot is full of "huh?" moments. I’m still a bit unsure about the age difference, but I have to say, Li Xian never disappoints. Every drama I’ve seen him in has been a hit. While this one isn’t as good as Meet Yourself or Will Love in Spring, it’s still really entertaining. Honestly, though, I didn’t care at all for the cybersecurity team plot... am I extremely shallow if I say I thought everyone was being dramatic af? Specially ML?

Will it Snow in Christmas? 2009 (kdrama) 5

Hmm, how to explain? A girl and boy meet when they’re young. After a few incidents, she starts liking him, and after even more, he starts liking her too. But when her brother loses his life in something connected to the boy, she pushes him away and runs off. Years later, they meet again because she’s now engaged to the ML’s coworker. And then the plot goes completely off the rails.

Viki, why? 😭 I only started this because it was on the main page and Go Soo was in it. Then I kept watching because I was surprised to see Nam Ji Hyun and Kim Soo Hyun as well. Up until episode 7, it was in the 7.5 range—not great, but not terrible either. And then... it just fell apart. Time jumps, separations, parents cheating, a fire, a brother-and-sister subplot, more time jumps—it was a complete mess.

Oh My Venus, 2015 (kdrama) 8.5

The FL lets herself go a bit and gains weight. Suddenly, everyone starts treating her like she’s horrible, and her boyfriend cheats on her and breaks up with her. By chance, she meets a famous trainer who agrees to help her get back in shape—and they fall in love along the way.

I remember trying to watch this when I first got into kdramas and turning it off because I just couldn’t stand how they handled the topic of gaining weight. I get it—I’m not expecting a drama, especially one from before 2020, to avoid fat-shaming—but it made me uncomfortable. A little while ago, my grandma got into it, and I ended up watching bits with her. And… damn it, it seemed cute. And it is! Watching it now, I think I’ve made peace with both realities lol. Shin Min Ah is as charming as ever, and So Ji Sub has excellent chemistry with her, very electric. I get why it’s so popular, it’s one of those epic love stories that keeps you hooked. I really miss dramas like this. The whole losing-weight thing did piss me off a bit. One thing is wanting to be healthy; another thing is policing people about what they eat. This, along with a bunch of comments and moments that made me roll my eyes, aside, it was quite enjoyable.

My Princess, 2011 (kdrama) 8.5

SK wants to bring back the monarchy and they find FL who is the last princess of the royal bloodline. If she becomes a royal, ML will lose all his inheritance… despite this, he can’t help but fall in love.

This drama was truly a surprise. Based on the reviews on MDL, I expected it to be typical early 2010s chaos, but it was actually quite good! Yes, it’s still a 2011 drama, so it has its wtf dramatic moments, but the plot where the ML acts as an antagonist to the FL, trying to keep her from becoming a princess because it would mean he loses everything, and despite this, he ends up falling for her was truly chef’s kiss. The chemistry between the leads was fantastic, leaving me wanting more of them. Overall, it was a great watch. All of this, obviously putting aside the fact that if I lived in a country that once had a monarchy and they tried to bring it back, I’d probably riot.

Make a Wish, 2021 (cdrama) 7.5

A cat from... well, a cat planet, ends up on Earth in human form and under the care of a lonely writer. She can only return home once she grants him a wish. However, he has no wishes.

The things one ends up watching when nothing feels entertaining anymore… However, this little cdrama about a girl who is actually a cat from Meow Planet was surprisingly sentimental and cute. The leads had great chemistry and felt really natural and good at the comedy part of the drama. At first, I didn’t really care for the secondary characters, but they kind of grew on me.

[naivds]

STUDY    :   MADOKA KANAME .        repost it, do not reblog.

tagged by :  @wolfvirago

tagging : you ! !

—    basics.

▸  is your muse tall    /    short    /ㅤaverage ?ㅤshe's short. about 5'0 ( at best 152 cm )

▸       are they okay with their height ?ㅤit's not a huge concern for madoka really, she honestly doesn't mind being short . the most likely thing that'll have her height being mentioned , is when other's comment to how tiny she is .

▸      what’s their hair like ?ㅤsoft and slightly wavy , she keeps it shoulder length level but at some point she let's her hair grow out by her late teens .

▸     do they spend a  lot of time on their hair     /    grooming ?ㅤmadoka likes to keep her hair well kept , constantly brushing at the start of every morning and before the end of the night . she uses a specific kind of shampoo &. conditioner her mother bought her to keep the softness with her hair .

▸      does your muse care about their appearance   /   what others think ? madoka is very self-conscious about her appearance caring about how she perceives herself from other's , wondering if she'll stand out too much or fall short to people's opinions .

—    preferences.

▸      indoors    or    outdoors ?     outdoors. ▸      rain    or    sunshine ?ㅤsunshine. ▸      forest    or    beach ?      beach. ▸      precious    metals    or    gems ?      gems. ▸      flowers    or    perfumes ?     flowers. ▸      personality    or    appearance ?      personality. ▸      being    alone    or    being    in    a    crowd ?     being in a crowd. ▸      order    or    anarchy ?   order. ▸      painful    truths    or    white    lies ?     painful truths. ▸     science    or    magic ?     magic. ▸      peace    or    conflict ?    peace. ▸      night    or    day ?     day. ▸      dusk    or    dawn ?  dawn. ▸      warmth    or    cold ?     warmth. ▸      many   acquaintances    or    a    few    close    friends ?   few close friends. ▸      reading    or    playing    a    game ?      playing a game.

—    questionnaire.

▸      what are some of your muse’s bad habits ?ㅤmadoka's self sacrificial to a core . a habit that derives from putting other's before her , even her own 'happiness' throughout multiple timelines where she's made different set of wishes regardless of the outcomes as means to help or aid other's : one saving a cat from the brink of death , bring back sayaka from the dead , her major wish being that of erasing wtiches from past , present, and the future thus the universe being rewritten and removing her existence in the process . it's also that her self worth plays a factor into this as she doesn't consider herself as ' worthy ' or important if the outcomes weighs down as she doesn't see her life as any value .

▸      has your muse lost anyone close to them ? how has it affected them ?ㅤyes , if you're familiar with the series , you know death is always expectant . that being said madoka has witnessed the brutal desmise of her dearest and cloest friends throughout each timeline . mami was the first person that welcomed madoka and sayaka , introducing the two to the world of magical girls , eventually losing to one in battle with both girls clearly affected and traumatized from it . sayaka's down fall of her mental state and her death , upon the revelations of magical girl clearly showcasing the realities and truth of what being a magical girl meant . madoka guilts herself for not being able to do much or be of help when she believed she could've done something , this goes as far when she's capturated by a witch who manifests her guilt and truama of mami's death , belieiving herself that this is her punishment for being a liar and a coward .

▸      what are some fond memories your muse has ? ㅤi wouldn't say it's her fondest memory but it's close as it would've been having saved the cat amy from death with her wish , perhaps it was the fact that she was able to give her another chance , being that as madoka is an animal lover herself, partiucalry towards cat she wanted to save her. but if we're going with a memory that holds a level of fodness but pride , a moment that defined her &. what drew her to continue on in spite of the odds was saving homura from that witch. in aspects she saved not just a girl with a frail heart condition who was struggling , but someone she knew and grew close with , sharing &. understanding a few of homura's struggles of inadqueacy &. worth , sharing an mutual understanding of one another , though she's the one who pulls homura out from that , madoka likes homura , she wants to be with her . she gave homura hope , and in many cases wanted homura to go on and take care of herself , something homura seems to fail .

▸     is it easy for your muse to kill ? ㅤyes and no . depending on the verse , if madoka is contracted in a timeline , she can't be killed easily due to the nature of magical girls &. their soul gem , as long as her soul gem isn't damaged or corrupted to the brink of turning into a witch , madoka can survive anything critically injuring or impossible . if her heart explodes or bleeds out every single last drop of blood , no matter what happens , she can heal herself with magic &. get back up again . she could theoritcally live forever in contrast to a human's life span as explained by kyubey .

▸      what’s it like when your muse breaks down ?ㅤshe weeps , tears up , cries , she's a child after all , in a system that shoves the cruel reality and heartaches , it'd be hard to come out unscathed completely unaffected by it . madoka tends to withdraw herself , shutting down any concerns from her peers or family members . knees close to her chest , wallowing in her bed , processing her grief &. misery through silence .

▸      is your muse capable of trusting someone with their life ? ㅤyes , she can be too trusting with people , but when it comes to her inner circle , she doesn't hesistate without any question or thought .

▸      what’s your muse like when they’re in love ?ㅤshe's genuine and warm , when she's in love , she'll pour her heart out for them , wishing to create more happier moments and share with them . madoka is very subtle as she's indecisive and careful how she'll want to go and pursue it . but she likes to create special one on ones with her crush , getting closer to them , and maybe having a the courage to confess .