#“i hate this sport. explain to me why they're all like this”

[propheticlyre]

imagine you are fbi agents trying to nail down the biggest case of your career and you just can't stop running up against college athletes who you need as witnesses but they won't take your help and just keep saying "but, ball is life??" when you suggest they go into witness protection

[albumplastique]

the fbi is so sick of these kids

[steddiealltheway]

The Danger in Romanticizing (Ao3 Link)

"Steve, I'm serious, you might absolutely hate Eddie." 

Steve sighs and relaxes against their couch. This is the third time today that Robin has given him this warning. "I'm not going to terrorize him to the point that Chrissy breaks up with you." 

Robin raises her eyebrows at him as if he would seriously do it. "You don't know Eddie though. He's... he's someone you would've hated in high school. He's loud, nerdy, dramatic, and he was in a band." 

"Robin, he sounds just like you." 

Robin's jaw drops. "Take it back." 

Steve laughs, "Come on, he sounds great. I don't know why you and Chrissy think we'll hate each other." 

"He was bullied in high school by jocks just like you, but he threw it right back at them," Robin says while pacing. "And Eddie to Chrissy is the equivalent of you to me - her platonic soulmate. If you two don't like each other, then I don't know what we'll do." 

Steve stands up and grabs Robin by the shoulders, stopping her pacing. "It's going to be fine. If anything, we'll just make polite small talk any time we see each other. As far as I'm concerned, you like him and he's kind to you, so he's good on my list." 

Robin nods but she doesn't look convinced. 

"I just can't believe that you two waited a month to introduce us." 

Robin sighs and walks away from him, brushing off imaginary dust on their couch and chair. "It'll be easier to explain when you meet him." 

"When are they supposed to get here again?" 

Robin glances at the clock and goes pale. The doorbell rings and Steve feels a sudden rush of nerves. He doesn't know why he's so nervous to meet this man. He really likes Chrissy, and he can't imagine her being best friends with someone he wouldn't like. 

Robin takes a deep breath and looks Steve over for a second sighing as if disappointed in something. 

"What?" 

"Nothing," Robin says quickly and rushes to the front door. She pauses and looks over her shoulder. "Just please be nice." 

Steve gives her a thumbs-up and shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans, waiting for this mystery man to appear. 

The door opens and Steve spots Chrissy first, sporting a very nervous smile, and then the door opens all the way to reveal Eddie. 

And holy shit. With all the warnings, it never crossed Steve's mind that the man could be so damn hot. He's wearing a black t-shirt with some band on it that Steve doesn't know but the short sleeves show off a few tattoos that make him curious about how many he may be hiding under the rest of his clothes. He tries not to let his eyes wander for too long, so he doesn't dare stare for any longer, glancing back up at Eddie's face in hopes that he hasn’t been caught. 

He feels his heart speed up a little bit as he finds Eddie looking him up and down quickly before shooting him a small smile. And god, he has dimples. 

Steve smiles back at him and walks to the front door. He bends down to pull Chrissy into a hug first before pulling away to hold a hand out to Eddie. He takes it, and Steve's eyes catch on his rings quickly. He wonders if the whole tough exterior was built to protect him while simultaneously drawing attention. "Hey, I'm Steve." 

"Eddie," he says back. And his damn voice goes straight through him. 

"Oh shoot, I forgot to grab something from the store before we got here," Chrissy says. "Robin, will you come with me to get it?" 

"I can-" Eddie starts to say, but Robin's already grabbing Chrissy's hand and pulling her out the front door. 

It closes loudly and Steve winces at the noise. 

Eddie turns to him and awkwardly smiles. "So..." 

"So," Steve says, noticing the hesitation coming from Eddie. He wonders... "Can I just come out and ask if you've been getting the same warning that we might hate each other?" 

"Yes!" Eddie says and lets out a deep breath. "And did they seriously just leave us alone thinking that?" 

"They're lucky if we don't kill each other." 

"If? Don't you mean 'when?'" Eddie asks with a teasing smile. 

Steve laughs loudly and asks, "Do you want a beer or something?" 

"God, I would love a beer." 

Steve smiles and walks off to the fridge, grabbing two and gesturing Eddie over to the living room. They both sit on the couch a comfortable distance away from each other, and Steve ignores the itch to move closer. "So, I heard that you were in a band." 

"And I heard you were a former jock." 

Steve snorts and waggles his fingers at him. "Your worst nightmare." 

Eddie dramatically leans away from him with a hand over his heart. "Good heavens, you're absolutely repulsive." 

Steve finds himself laughing again. He has no idea why Robin thought he would ever hate this guy. 

"So," Eddie says with a small smile, "What are you doing now, former jock? Chrissy hasn’t mentioned you being in any of her classes or hanging around the college, so I’m assuming you don’t go there." 

Steve runs a hand through his hair and leans back against the couch. "No, college isn’t for me. I'm working in sales at my dad's company. Specifically, as a car salesman." Eddie immediately cringes and Steve sighs, "Trust me. I know. But I'm absolutely horrible at my job. I can never bullshit someone. If they tell me what they're looking for, I'm giving them exactly that and not some overpriced bullshit." 

Eddie raises his eyebrows. "But you're still selling cars, so it sounds like you're doing your job." 

"Not the way my dad wants me to," Steve complains. 

"So, why don't you do something else?" Eddie asks point blank. 

Steve's a little taken aback by the bluntness, but he appreciates it. He shrugs. "I got horrible grades in high school to the point that I couldn't get into even the easiest colleges. Working with my dad just seemed like the only option." 

"For a while I was thinking about working at the plant with my uncle because high school was terrible for me. I managed to fail my senior year twice before graduating." 

"So, what are you doing now?" Steve asks, curious about what other options there are. 

Eddie leans back against the couch and takes a long swig of his beer. Steve tries not to focus on the tendons in his neck as he swallows. "I had this moment after I graduated where I suddenly realized that my creative outlets suddenly vanished. My band had to take a break because everyone but Gareth graduated and Jeff and Grant were going to college, and I could no longer run Hellfire Club which got rid of my Dungeons and Dragons outlet. And for some reason, I was struck with this great idea to write a novel." 

He shifts, crossing his legs under himself and looking off in the distance with a sad smile. "I just sat down and wrote and wrote. It's like the words were pouring out of me, and I couldn't stop them. God, I barely slept." He pauses as if he's reliving the moment. "Then, I had this extremely rough draft of this book, and I started calling publishers and I went to the first one who would take me. But they read it and told me it would be better as a children's story." 

Steve can't help but interject, "That's just one person's opinion though." 

Eddie nods and drinks more of his beer. "Yes, but they offered to actually look at it and publish it once I simplified it." 

"Did you do it?" 

Eddie nods. "Yeah, and I mean, it brought in a decent amount of money that I've been cruising on, but I don't know. There were so many things I wanted to expand on. I was aiming for a whole book series." 

Steve turns to him and sits crisscrossed. "So, what's the children's book about?" 

Eddie sighs, "You're going to find it so dumb." 

"Try me." 

Eddie puts his beer down on the coffee table and leans in to Steve. "So, it takes inspiration from Dungeons and Dragons. And it's about this boy who has never felt like he's fit in. For some reason, he's always been disliked by people or shunned for being different. Then, he comes across this monster, one that he's heard terrifying stories about from all these different adventurers. But instead of attacking it, he tries a different approach and finds that he can befriend the monster, and he ends up naming him Dart and they travel together. And for once he doesn't feel alone." 

Steve's jaw drops as Eddie continues to describe the story, feeling frozen in place. 

"Then, they come across more creatures, and they find they're all evil because they're always under attack. And yes, some are just pure evil, but it doesn't define the whole species. Then, the story gets really cheesy..." Eddie trails off with a groan. "God, this is embarrassing." 

Steve finally finds his voice and continues for him, "Then, he's practically hunted by the town who assumes he's evil because he's with all these monsters which they think he must have some sort of dark control over. But then when an even bigger monster comes and threatens to destroy the whole town, they turn to him for help. The boy becomes a hero, but he goes back with the rest of the monsters who always accepted him for who he was." 

Eddie's eyes become considerably wider by the end of Steve's narration. "How do you...?" 

Steve grabs his hand and pulls him to his room, opens the door, and goes through the small stack of books on the bottom shelf of his nightstand. He pulls out Eddie's book and holds it up. "You're Eddie Munson?" 

Eddie nods, totally bewildered. 

"Holy shit," Steve says with a big smile, "Dustin loves this book!" 

"Dustin?" 

"One of the kids I used to babysit, he's in high school now, but he went on about this book for weeks. He loves Dungeons and Dragons, and as soon as I saw it, I bought it for him. He thought it was some kind of joke because it's a children's book, but he read it and developed so many theories about it. He made all his friends buy it because he thinks it could change the whole universe of Dungeons and Dragons. Shit, you’re like a legend to him." 

Eddie's mouth just opens and closes. "I- I don't know what to say." 

"Could you possibly meet him sometime? No pressure at all, but he'd love you." 

"Yeah! Definitely," Eddie says and excitedly bounces a bit. "God, I've never met a fan before." 

"I have to warn you that he may be a bit much, and I don't think he would ever leave you alone after this. But it would make his entire year, maybe even his whole life." 

Eddie just smiles widely and nods. "Yeah! Yeah, I mean, I can also be a lot, so I'm ready. Just let me know when." 

Steve smiles and shakes his head. "This is so cool. And thank you, really, this means the world to me." 

"Same here," Eddie says. 

The two let the excitement bubble down a bit, but the smiles don't leave their faces. Eddie glances around though and asks, "No offense, but why is your room so..." 

"Empty?" Steve fills in for him. Eddie nods. "Well, my parents didn't really let me decorate my room, and I've just never really known what I wanted to do with my own place. So, I've kind of put it on the back burner. Plus, I spend most of my time in Robin's room or in the living room." 

Eddie looks around and shakes his head. "My room is covered in shit. It's like I never have enough wall space or floor space for everything I want." 

"I can see why Robin and Chrissy thought we wouldn't like each other," Steve says, sitting on his bed covered in a plain blue comforter and patting the empty space next to him. 

Eddie follows the cue and sits down. "That all feels like surface-level bullshit." 

"I think they're so blinded by their love for each other that they couldn't think beyond it. I know Robin's scared shitless of messing things up." 

"God, so is Chrissy. I swore that even if you were the biggest asshole I was going to pretend to like you. Luckily, you're making it easy." 

Steve feels the tips of his ears turning red. "Same here." 

Eddie smiles at him, and Steve feels so enamored by him that he can't help but ask, "So, what about you?" 

"What about me?" 

"Are you seeing anyone?" Steve asks, hoping he doesn’t come off as too forward. 

Eddie shrugs and looks down at his hands. "Sort of," he says and looks back at Steve. "I'm bisexual, so it's a little harder for me sometimes." 

Bisexual. The label that Steve has personally struggled with for years. 

"Shit, don't tell me your biphobic." 

Steve snaps out of his mini panic and asks, "What?" 

"You practically grimaced when I said bisexual. Or are you someone who is only okay with girls being in relationships but not guys?" 

"No! No," Steve insists. He takes a deep breath. He's not sure what it is about Eddie that makes him feel so at ease, but he confesses, "It's just that... I think that I'm also bisexual. I don't know though. I know I've had feelings for guys and felt attraction, but I can't picture myself dating a guy. But I feel so horrible admitting that. Maybe I'm just a coward." 

Eddie's expression shifts from guarded to sympathetic quickly. "Who can blame you though? The world sometimes just... sucks. But here's something that kind of blew my mind when learning about bisexuality - you can still have preferences. Like, for me, I have a preference towards men, but I can't deny that some girls I've had feelings for. Even Chrissy once upon a time, but I quickly realized how much better things were platonically. You can always have a preference for women; it doesn't have to be half and half." 

It's like something finally clicks in Steve's head. He breathes a sigh of relief. "Where have you been all my life?" he asks somewhat dramatically. 

Eddie laughs, "Being kept away by Robin and Chrissy." 

Steve smiles and traces their conversation back a bit. He lands on a question and asks, "So, how are you sort of dating someone?" 

Eddie groans and runs his hands over his face. "There's this guy I've been somewhat hooking up with at this bar. And he's just perfect, you know?" 

"Oh no," Steve says, feeling the familiar phrase wash over him. 

"What?" 

Steve really looks at Eddie, accessing him fully before declaring, "You're a romanticizer." 

Eddie scoffs. "How did you arrive at that conclusion?" 

"'He's just perfect,'" Steve mimics him. "It's the dead giveaway. Plus, I am too. It gets me in trouble a lot. But I hate seeing it in other people. Like there's this asshole I work with that my dad loves but I absolutely despise. His name is Collin, and he's constantly bragging about all these women he has practically begging at his feet for his attention and shit. Then, at these work parties, Collin's wife will always just go on about how perfect her husband is. God, it kills me because she's so blind to it all. I would tell her, but my dad would kill me if I did anything that potentially would affect Collin working for him." 

Steve sighs and clutches Eddie's book closer to his chest, not noticing until now how he's been unconsciously using it as a source of comfort. "Anyways, I just hate seeing people love blindly." 

"I've done the same thing," Eddie admits, "But this time it feels different." 

"Ten bucks he sucks." 

This startles a laugh out of Eddie, but he sticks his hand out. "You're on." They shake on it quickly. "So, what about you? Are you currently romanticizing anyone?" 

Steve smiles sadly. "Not at the moment, but feel free to call me out on it when I do." 

"Looking forward to it," Eddie says with a smile. "Now tell me, do you have to wear those awful polos to do sales?" 

"I do, but I'll have you know that I actually like those awful polos." 

Eddie stands up and gasps, "I'm appalled. Please don't tell me you have more than five in your closet." 

"I have way more than five. I actually almost wore one today, but I went with my comfort sweater instead." 

Eddie walks slowly toward his closet door. "Is this where the source of disaster is?" 

Steve raises his eyebrows and nods. 

"May I?" Eddie asks with his hand on the knob. 

"Prepare yourself." 

Eddie takes a dramatic deep breath to gather himself before swinging the door open dramatically and yelling, "It's worse than I thought!" 

"You haven't even looked through it!" 

"I saw more than two collared shirts," Eddie says in horror. "Steve, I've decided that Robin and Chrissy are absolutely correct, and there's no way I could ever like you." 

Steve laughs, but is interrupted by Chrissy and Robin suddenly barging into the room yelling, "What happened?" 

Eddie and Steve look at them and laugh. 

"We didn't hear you come in," Eddie says. 

"We wanted to check the atmosphere as it was, but we heard you say the thing about not liking Steve and we thought..." Chrissy trails off. 

Steve finds Robin staring at him while looking worried. "Steve, are you okay?" 

Steve frowns. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?" 

"You're holding your comfort book." 

Steve flushes red and puts his head in his hands. 

"His what?" Chrissy and Eddie ask. 

"His comfort book. He reads it or makes me read it whenever he's sick, has a bad day, or misses Dustin." 

"Robin," Steve groans, embarrassed by his secret being revealed. 

The mattress shifts beside him and Steve glances toward the source, finding Eddie amusedly smiling down at him. "So, you're also a fan." 

"Wait, what am I missing?" Robin asks. 

"Eddie wrote that book," Chrissy answers and crosses her arms, "But he also tells no one about it." 

Robin's jaw drops, but Steve ignores it to smile at Eddie. "Aw, so tell me, why me?" 

A small blush appears on Eddie's cheeks. "And why me about your..." he trails off, looking nervously toward Chrissy. 

Steve glances at Robin who looks at him, gesturing to explain. "I told him I was bisexual." 

Robin's jaw drops again. She and Chrissy exchange a look of bewilderment. 

Steve throws an arm around Eddie's shoulders and says, "Looks like you two were very wrong." 

"And we're very upset that you kept us away from this beautiful friendship for so long." 

"Very upset," Steve agrees. 

"Oh god, I think we've created a monster," Robin says. 

Chrissy just giggles. 

“I don’t know, I kind of like the monsters Eddie creates,” Steve comments. 

Eddie laughs and Steve looks at him fondly. He doesn’t think that Robin has ever been so wrong about something because there’s no way Steve could ever dislike Eddie.  

Part Two :)

Welcome to my new series! :))) I have so many shenanigans planned. And I’m doing a tag list! Just ask me and you’ll be tagged <3

[trainsinanime]

Is there a specific scientific term for what I'll call "harm construction", meaning "thinking of ways that something harms someone in order to condemn it"? There must be, right? I see it all the time and it's not new. Let me give some examples in random order.

One of the first cases where I really remember it was at least a decade ago, an online article by a British newspaper, about how an online store had put a pole dancing pole in their toys section. A bit of an embarrassing mistake but nothing more.

However, that article provided several quotes from a British couple who said they were very worried, because their kid could have seen that. It seems pretty clear that their kid did not, in fact, actually see it, but the newspaper treated their concern as if it was a genuine thing to worry about. It was utterly ridiculous.

A more recent example is a call-out ask I received a few months ago and, of course, immediately deleted, but it's still been living rent-free in my head since then, because it was so horribly bad. I'll not repeat the exact wording, but they were annoyed that their victim blog (which I don't follow and haven't for years, if ever, and they don't follow me) was annoying and sometimes said mean things. They very ineptly tried to explain that this might have been part of the reasons why someone else, completely unrelated, sent out hate messages to yet another person. That was the harm that was so big that it supposedly justified a targeted harassment campaign. (If you're the person who wrote that call-out ask, please rethink your life. You were only increasing the hate in the world, not making anything better. I suspect the sender wasn't anyone who actually follows me, but just in case).

The biggest and most prominent example of harm construction right now is of course all about trans people, bathrooms and school sports. Conservatives and TERFs alike need a reason to oppose the existence of trans people beyond "I personally find them weird", because saying that out loud gets them correctly branded as bigots. How do you turn "let's be really mean to a marginalised group" into a progressive cause? By saying that the existence of this group causes harm. The problem with that is that trans people existing does not actually cause any harm, it's literally fine.

So in an effort to construct harm after all, they have searched far and wide for something that trans people could even theoretically damage, and the only things they managed to come up with are "there might be someone with unexpected genitals behind that bathroom stall door" and "the sanctity of gender-segregated sports". If it weren't for their cultural and political power then it would almost be funny how little potential harm they managed to find and how much they have to amplify it. They're just another couple in the newspaper worried that their kid might potentially see a website.

If you look for it, harm construction is everywhere, because we all sort of agree on a surface level that dividing people into "normal, acceptable" and "weird, must be punished" isn't nice, but the instinct to punish people for being "weird" is still alive and well and many people refuse to question it.

At a completely different end, anytime someone uses the word "normalisation" about a fanfic on Ao3, that's another example. We all know making blorbos do weird things doesn't actually hurt anybody (assuming proper tagging and so on), but we still want to punish people who do it wrong. So we construct harm, by arguing that seeing something on Ao3 might "normalise" the thing and make it more likely that someone will do it in real life.

These examples are very different, at very different ends of almost all scales of power and cultural influence and meaning, but the core idea is always the same. So, yeah. There must be a better term for this.

[itsalittlebitchilly]

Post TGR clarity bingo

Here's my bingo results :)

go girl, give us nothing.

anyways I wanted to talk about some of my reasonings

reveal that Jean and/or Jeremy can play the piano

okay this has definitely been influenced by more than one post that Jeremy (rich boy) had to learn the piano, but I've thought it's almost equally likely that Jean had to learn piano. Not because he was like a prodigy or anything, his parents just made him do stuff.

2. jean buys a book in French from a secondhand shop

okay before reading this was kind of out of nowhere, but after I REALLY hope he gets a French book. We know reading English is hard for him, so I doubt he remembers the last time he read for fun (if he ever did)

3. a rando goes on about how bad the ravens are in front of Jean

gave this one a yellow because it didn't happen anything like I'd imagined it. I just wanted some random student (who barely follows sports) to insist that they aren't a good team (AN: they're not)

4. cancer scare

tbh idk why I put this one. Very early on Jeremy's mom is "in surgery" and i was like "omg i hope its incurable and she dies" 200 pages later i realized "oh she is a doctor. she was in surgery. because she is a doctor. performing surgery"

5. Ichirou assassination/attempt

I still want this to happen but I think it's way more likely to happen in book 3 now especially with Browning's appearance.

6. Jean gets a postcard from Kevin and Jeremy is Jealous

I don't remember Jeremy being particularly jealous, but a postcard was received.

7. Jean wakes up from a nightmare

ok this didn't happen at all. probably a good thing I hope Jean only had peaceful nights

8. Jean plans/gets a tattoo (NOT a coverup)

i still want him to but idk how this would come up if it hasn't already

9. a flip phone gets broken in half

tbh should have done yellow for this. In a coffee cup is as good as broken in half, right?

10. someone on the team tears their acl

ok well good thing this didn't happen.

11. FBI have to talk to Jeremy (unrelated to the Moriyamas)

well technically they talked. Not directly about the Moriyamas. so yellow.

12. Jean throws something into the ocean

I have reason to believe that the ocean is actually further from campus than I have previously thought. my bad

13. Bee in person appearance

I was SO CONVINCED of this one. I would have put money on Bee being the one to go with Kevin. Every post about who was coming with Kevin I was in the notes saying Bee. Genuinely jaw dropping moment when Andrew showed up.

14. USC player dresses up as Kevin

ok well we didn't get to Halloween but if we did I still think this could happen

15. a raven/former raven goes to Jean for help

this is less something that I thought would happen and more something that I hoped would happen. Like a second or third year raven (who never knew Kevin) shows up at USC looking for Jean like "um how are you happy. how do you get up every morning." still want this to happen in book three. may be more likely now that the ravens are falling apart frfr

16. flossing triggers a breakdown

okay let me explain. I obviously knew someone was going to have a breakdown or two. but for the bingo I didn't want it to be obvious things. And the amount of times that I have been having a rough day and gotten to the end of it and thought about flossing for 0.5 seconds and started crying is not zero. or one.

17. Ichirou in person appearance.

I only wanted him to show up if it was to get shot and killed. sorry I hate that guy

18. Jean judges the quality of an Americanized French food

idc about this anymore we need to get that boy in ED treatment STAT

19. Jeremy makes a food Jean mentioned eating growing up

tbh it was foolish of me to think Jean would have any happy childhood memories, so this ones on me. Also we need to get that boy in ED treatment STAT

20. ABBA mention

you cannot convince me that the Trojans don't listen to ABBA

21. JereJean pull an all nighter so one of them can study for an exam

okay I forgot how much of these books are not about college

22. Jeremy walks from his house to Laila's in the middle of the night

what was I thinking. there is so much distance and Jeremy is too smart for this (unless... something truly terrible happened to him....)

23. Jeremy calls Jean after a family incident and Jean picks him up on his bike

this could still happen and I am definitely putting it on my bingo card for book 3

24. someone takes up knitting

I'm going to be honest. I was running out of ideas. also I just got into knitting

[keepthedelta]

i've never thought of that, that lewis' fans hate nico or actively bad mouthed him. certainly it is interesting the way nico is the only one that spur that reaction, not even adrian sutil. i think, like you said, fans want to see lewis as a doll, someone pretty, fashionable being but that's that. and imho nico was the only person to bring to the public the human side of lewis, he looked broken in some pc, he looked sad in some pictures, he looked distraught in other, happy, petty, cruel, shy, and the common factor was nico. i think nico has the right to say "hey, i'm the man that make lewis stutter" , lewis is just human

i don't think it's necessarily people being close to lewis that inspires so much hatred from certain fans, i think it's people standing in opposition to him. obviously there was massive opposition to max verstappen when he was fighting lewis, but even if you just look at lewis's teammates, even just lewis's mercedes teammates, you see that basically all of them have been treated pretty terribly by certain sections of his fans.

it kind of seems to me that there is a level of entitlement amongst some LH fans, as in, they feel they lewis is entitled to preferential behaviour, the full and unwavering support of every single member of the team, the love and devotion of his teammate who is to sacrifice himself for lewis whenever called for. it's why the "betrayal" motif is called upon so often, because any action nico or valtteri or george might have taken for their own betterment (in this solo sport) when lewis could have had that pole or that win or that fastest lap or whatever is perceived as a slight against lewis.

nico rosberg is a teammate who can take a championship challenge down to the final race and provide great entertainment. well sure that's nice in theory but why is he trying to win? that's not his to win. oh lewis had one singular mechanical dnf in an entire 21 race season, clearly nico rosberg and the team are sabotaging lewis to give nico a win, it's so obvious. but hey look at this new guy, he's the perfect doormat for lewis, always gives up position when told to, even gives up wins when told to (not once from 2017 through 2020 did the wdc go down to the final race, or even the penultimate race btw, so lewis probably would have been alright without a few of those valtteri, it's james moments). i mean sure that's demoralising and depressing and the work environment is so toxic that he's really struggling with his mental health and they refuse to give him anything longer than a one year contract because you never know when you need to take out the trash. as long as it helps lewis it will all be worth it. oh but he's not really helping lewis enough there. yeah we don't want him anymore we want a shiny new doormat. but wait? the car's not great and george russell who has worked basically his entire life to be in f1 and get into a championship capable car and is finally living his dream only to find out that everything's harder than he was hoping but he has no choice but to keep going is doing better than lewis? what a self serving cunt, we should go back to valtteri, he was happy when james vowles held his head under the water to let lewis use it as a stepping stone. and hey, lewis is leaving anyway, he's maybe not 100% motivated right now and that could easily explain him being one hundredth of a second slower than george, but you know what else could explain it better? clearly george is fucking toto and if we send an email pretending to be mercedes staff members everyone will know that it's sabotage for toto's little gigolo (all real comments i've seen people make, not phrased exactly like this tho)

i don't think they're particularly interested in lewis as a person, or even lewis as a racing driver. i think for a lot of them it's what he can represent symbolically. he's successful and if they worship him enough they are a part of that success. he's been an activist in the sport, so if they worship him enough they'll be counted as good and moral people too. lewis is "fashionable" so if they worship him enough they will also have good fashion taste. it's just a cycle of worship worship worship. lewis must be the best in every way because if he's the best then so are they. and the easiest way to make him better is to attack those who expose complexity and nuance in his character, like nico.

i once wrote a post about the mclaren conflict between lewis and jenson, and i'm pretty sure it was on that post that someone commented that while it was true i was too focused on things that lewis "used" to do. and i remember it because when i saw it i immediately thought "is it used to do, or doesn't need to do?" is it genuine growth, or is it just the competition being easier?

nico took the championship fight down to the final race twice, and won one of those fights. no one, not valtteri bottas, not sebastian vettel, no one came anywhere close to that in the four years that followed. not until max verstappen came along was the challenge quite so fierce. and you know what lewis did then? when his back was against the wall he crashed max verstappen into the silverstone barriers at 51Gs and then cheered it on the podium (i am well aware that max was also not a docile lamb i'm not trying to victimise or villainise anyone here, i'm just making a point). that's the kind of racer lewis is, ruthless and singleminded. and when you like interesting "characters" that's not inherently a bad thing. i've recently seen much more enjoyment of the likes of lewis and charles being such poor losers because it's proof of how much they care about the sport and about winning.

i think nico forces complexity into our understanding of lewis. yes some of it is the shared childhood and the loneliness, but it's also about the ruthlessness, the public cruelty, the use of conspiracy theories (specifically about lewis being sabotaged for nico) as a psychological tool, the refusal to mention his name, the attempt of "well i've had tougher teammates than max verstappen but i won't say the name of the only teammate ever to beat me to a championship".

but if your interest in a person is how your worship of them can reflect better on you, nuance and complexity of character is not desirable. and if it's not desirable, it must be eradicated.

[thatgayb1tchwhosimps4her]

The Coven + Thalia's Relationship w/ Them

Not really sure how I was supposed to set this out either, but I like it.

Also, Rio's low-key made me cry, so I might not touch on this AU for a little while (I definitely will, but in case I don't, you have been warned).

~~~

Agatha Harkness:

When they were younger, Thalia drifted more toward Rio, and Nicholas to Agatha, but once he died, and Rio had to take him to the afterlife, they immediately kind of latched onto the other, to like keep each other afloat/keep both Rio's and Nicky's memory alive (no matter how much it hurts), and grieve together.

In a way, once Agatha and Thalia like 'lost their person', they became a lot more understanding of each other, in a way (I can't really think of a way to explain this properly).

Thalia definitely had nightmares about that day, for a long time, and after a good couple weeks of Agatha going back and forth between both their rooms, she let Thalia sleep in her bed (which was also probably a comfort for her, too).

---

Pretty typical mother-daughter relationship, honestly, up until Agatha finds out about the Darkhold, and essentially becomes a loyal sidekick, on her quest to power/a way to get their old life back, instead of the little girl, whoever secretly looked up to Agatha, her entire life.

Which brings us to the WandaVision and Agatha All Along chapter(s), which will be linked on the navigation page (here) when they're done, sooo :)

~~~

Rio Vidal/Death:

Thalia is 100% a mamí's girl, and I will die on this hill.

Literally, Thalia's been waving the "Team Rio" flag, since the day she was born; sporting the same doe-eyes her mother fell in love with, back in Salem.

When she was younger, 9 times out of 10, she would only ever settle for Rio, which confused both mother's for a long time; because how could anyone, especially something as innocent as a baby, find comfort in Death?

---

This pretty much carried on through the first like half of her childhood.

i.e. Thalia's first word being 'mamí', instead of 'mama' like most other babies (including Nicholas).

Thalia giggling at the voices Rio does, while reading bedtime stories to her and Nicky (and low-key Agatha, as well).

Rio teaching/coaching Thalia (and Nicky) on how to use her/their powers (since Agatha would end up accidently absorbing them, and cause Rio physically cannot be that badly injured) etc.

---

Then Nicky dies, and it's very much an incredibly emotional and traumatic time for all of them.

Thalia instinctually goes to Rio, and because she's still young, doesn't understand why "He won't wake up", which completely tore her heart in two (no matter how black it is).

Rio then takes Thalia up to her room, to try and calm her down, while Agatha has time with Nicky, before they have to go.

She reads Thalia her favourite story 3 times over, because Thalia's cannot get enough (and also cause she has a sinking feeling she should make the most of it/I'm just making shit up about clairvoyance at this point).

---

In the end, they settle on snuggling in Thalia's kid-bed, while Rio sings the lullaby version of "The Ballad of the Witches' Road" (which is a memory they both deeply treasure), over and over, until Thalia falls asleep, and Rio very hesitantly has to pull herself away from the girl, with one final kiss to Thalia's temple (just to the left of the scar over the crook of her eyebrow, from one of their many training sessions, when Thalia wacked herself with a tree-branch).

Which again, brings up to the Agatha All Along chapters, that are linked in the bit above :)

~~~

Lilia Calderu:

Lilia's relationship with Thalia would very much be like "the grandmother she (Thalia) never had" (we hate Evanora Harkness, with burning passion, in this house).

When they first meet (in episode 2), Lilia can instantly sense the doubt (of if walking the Witches' Road will actually work), and guilt (that she's been carrying all these years, about not being able to bring back Nicky), radiating off the girl's body.

Very soon after she clocks it, is like- "Alright, that lonely little queer girl is mine; yes, she has two moms already, but I'm willing to back her up if she needs it" (she doesn't, but it's very much appreciated), you know what I mean?

But yeah, that very much radiates throughout the entire show (maybe aside from episode 5, cause there were definitely sides picked during that episode), until episode 7; RIP Queen.

~~~

Jennifer Kale:

Thalia's relationship with Jen is very much the same as Jen's and Agatha's, like they're not really sure if they can trust each other, but it's like an amicable, back-and-forth teasing, type of relationship.

Up until episode 6 (the version of it I'm writing/Thalia's trial), where the remaining members if the cover (lowkey including Agatha + Rio), see a more vulnerable, and kind of broken, side to Thalia (more on that to come).

Then after that, it's very much like "We both lowkey hate each other, but she (works both ways) is actually pretty cool, so we're gonna keep it mellow."

~~~

Alice Wu Gulliver (my girl <3):

Love of my life, Alice Wu Gulliver, was honestly such a breath of fresh-air for Thalia; like the older sister she never had.

'Protection witch' is the name, and protecting Thalia (and lowkey Agatha as well/RIP angel girl) is the game.

Thalia helped her (and Teen, but mostly Alice) pull Mrs Hart out of the mud at the beginning of episode 3, and basically from that point onwards, became best friends.

And then from that point on, Thalia's basically just jumping to Alice's defence a lot, after every little comment.

Especially the "Everything I touch turns to shit" (that part of the episode definitely didn't make me cry), and Thalia goes over to hug her, cause she knows what it's like to feel that way.

Almost always near each other, while walking the road + during trials, as like a "If anything happens to her (works both ways), I'll be the first one there, cause even though we've only known each other for a couple hours/days, she's still my bestie".

Bonus; Kojo is definitely Alice's best bud (it's literally fact that he's prone to face licking, when he can sense that people are upset or anxious), and was sat between her, and Thalia, during the last 10/15 minutes of episode 4, as well.

~~~

Teen/Billy Maximoff:

Eps 1-5 their relationship is very much a brother/sisterly bond.

Like yeah, they'll take the piss out of each other a little bit, but will still kill for each other, if someone even looks at the other (Billy or Thalia) the wrong way.

Then his true identity gets revealed (at the end of Agatha's trial/just before Thalia's trial), and gets a little rocky, but ultimately they still look out for each other (I'm just guessing, as the show's not 100% out yet, iykwim).

Like it's still very much a "I knew you/a version of you, a few years ago, and you reminded me of my brother, so we're chill, just as long as you don't try to (kind of) kill my mom again, otherwise I'll slit your throat, and you best believe I'm telling the truth, cause you know who my other mom is."

~~~

Mrs Hart/Sharon Davis:

~~~

Last, but not least; this legend.

Near enough the same thing as Thalia and Lilia's relationship, but more like soft; like instead of witchy banter (calling Lilia kooky, and shit), it's very much like typical grandmother/granddaughter bonding.

i.e. Thalia helping Alice and Teen pull her out of the mud at the beginning of episode 3, as previously mentioned.

Explaining what being a witch is (along with the rest of the group) in episode 3, and shit like that.

She didn't really have much screen-time for me to come up with much else, so RIP Mrs Hart :(

~~~

I'm actually obsessed right now. I haven't slept in the last 24(+1) hours, so if I'm still up, I might start planning out Thalia's trial + Backstory, since I've got some idea as to what it'll be, but it needs some tweaking.

-Harlow

[lestappenforever]

My ask is maybe a bit silly, and would probably go in 'sanity check' category. It is about Max, and how he is perceived. If I understand correctly, it is said he is mad max, bad guy, aggressive… and similar. Now, I know teenagers are sometimes a bit crazy, and from what I read he was actually very badly treated by freaking adults, fellow drivers, when he first joined F1, so maybe then he was a bit aggressive, and it would be even understandable… but still it is difficult to even imagine that. Because Max I see (I am only following racing since last year) is nice, soft, funny, polite guy, still more looking like an innocent kid than an adult, even appearing naïve (unlike the sweet, adorable devil that is Charles!), and obviously so nice towards rookies (Oliver and Liam-who himself said it). So am I delusional and see what is not there or for some reason he is so vilified (I guess most coming probably from jealousy and Netflix crap…). Oh and one additional observation, he always looks so much softer and somehow cuddlier and cuter on photos from his streaming at home… What do you think? One final observation, then I will shut up  Sometimes it seems to me that all the Lestappen moments and specila connection maybe come from the fact that when Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there. Because he went form father abuse to fellow drivers abuse, but when Charles came to F1, he had someone he could have a real relationship with, even if they fought and were a bit sulky almost teenagers still in the beginning, they got over it as they grow up. But Charles is his genuinely healthy, good, fun, friendly relationship. Having spent time as kids growing up of course also deepens the bond and friendship, but also mutual respect and understanding each other’s qualities. I don’t know if explained it well enough… P.S. I LOVE your fics!!!!

Hi anon, and thank you so much for this ask! I don't think it's a silly ask at all.

All these "Mad Max", being too aggressive, being mean claims etc. stem from two things:

1. When Max made it into F1 almost 10(!) years ago, he was 17(!!) years old. He was a kid — a literal child. And he was a cocky, arrogant little shit at that, as any kid would be making their debut in such a prestigious sport at such a young age.

2. Max haters who will hate him forever, no matter what, no matter why. They don't even need a reason; they're just determined to hate him and will do so forever.

But the thing is, and his haters especially seem to love to ignore this fact, Max was seventeen years old when he made his F1 debut. He was, for all intents and purposes, a child. I watched Max make his F1 debut, and I watched and read the way he was viewed and the reception he received from his fellow drivers, the media, and fans alike. And I watched these grown-ass men already on the grid when Max joined welcome him by treating him like shit. These adults were so threatened by this kid who came into the sport without having to go through the same ranks almost every other F1 driver has to go through to get there, such as several years in F3 and F2 (Max only spent a year in F3 and skipped F2 altogether), that they did virtually nothing to make him feel welcome. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was so fucking sad and infuriating, and I lost a lot of respect for many drivers because of it. And if I'm being honest, anon, that's what made me decide Max would be my favorite driver. I can be incredibly spiteful when I want to be, and watching Max get slammed and slandered from so many directions from the very beginning made me want to be very spiteful. That's what made me decide that I was going to support that kid like hell. And I haven’t looked back or regretted it since.

I cannot stress this enough, and I know I've said it so many times before already, but: Max Verstappen was a child when he made it into the world of F1. But he's not a child anymore, which a concerning amount of people seem to be blissfully and willfully ignorant to. Max has grown and matured so much in the years he's been in F1. And, like most other people, Max Verstappen the adult is not the same person as Max Verstappen the teenager, or Max Verstappen the child. And he hasn’t been anything like his 17-year old self in a long, long time. But this, of course, is something his haters will never accept or acknowledge.

I truly believe, from the very bottom of my heart, that Max is always so nice and welcoming towards rookies, always willing to lend a hand or giving them advice, always going out of his way to praise and support them, because practically no one ever did that for him when he was a rookie. And that speaks volumes about his character and the kind of man he has grown into since making his debut.

You're not delusional at all, anon, and having only followed F1 since last year means it's not surprising that you don't see the very outdated and frankly incredibly incorrect persona the people who dislike Max will always keep trying to convince themselves and others is still him. Because it isn’t — not even close. Practically every single person who has worked with or been around Max in the past few years all say the same thing: that he's funny, easy-going, and one of the genuinely kindest people on the grid. And that means a hell of a lot more than the opinions of people who have never and will never know him, and have made it their personal, sad mission to hate him. So you keep holding on to the impression you have of him, anon, because that is a far more accurate representation than the image some people are so hellbent of painting of him. (He’s definitely not naïve, though, not even close.)

And I absolutely agree: he looks even softer and cuddlier when he's streaming at home! I love streamer!Max so much.

"When Charles came to F1 Max finally had kinda his person there". <- You are spot on with this, anon! I've talked about the special bond I think these two share in the past, like in this post, and so have many others. (@tsarinablogs @valyrfia @thearchercore to name a few - highly recommend checking out their blogs if you haven’t already!) It truly seems like they have never, and will never, see any other driver as a big a rival as the other, and the numerous accounts of their karting days from people who got to watch them battle first-hand from such a young age definitely backs up that claim. And I think that's so beautiful, and it's one of the many, many reasons why these two are so dear to me, and why other F1 ships will never be able to come close.

P.S. That makes me so happy to hear, anon, thank you so, so much. 🥹❤️

[lonely-north-star]

jewelry maker mammon x retail worker mc

hi guys this is me being silly and projecting my work experiences onto my mc. She can suffer along with me.

(Note: Human world AU?? I guess?? Craft store silliness)

-But imagine Mammon who hand makes jewelry for fun. How did he start? No one knows. He owed Levi a favor and ended up helping to make friendship bracelets for a fan meetup as freebies

-Once he found out there was more than pony beads he was hooked

-Claims he was experimenting with patterns but each of his brothers have personalized/handmade charm straps (Asmo and Levi have them on their phones, the rest of the brothers have them clipped onto their keys or bags)

-His favorites are crystals/glass beads

-Prefers using seed beads for his work due to more color options

-He can spend over an hour in the strung bead and charm aisle respectively

-People mistake him for a worker because he's often fixing things without realizing. He's just so familiar with that aisle he knows where everything goes

-Gets grouchy and calls people out if they're making a mess while he's in the aisle (What are ya gonna do? Tell the manager on him? Good luck.)

"Ummm no, there's no one with white hair who works at this location. The only two people working right now are my cashier and I-"

"There IS. You need to have a talk with him. He has absolutely no customer service skills. I can't believe you hire people like that-"

"... Was this in the jewelry aisle?"

"YES! He was back there and rudely-"

"Ma'am, that's a customer. He doesn't work here."

-Mostly spends time admiring the beads at first because he doesn't have as much money as he'd like. Until he does a few commissions for friends of Levi, Asmo, and Satan

-They'll either buy the specific beads they want used and allow him to go ham and keep any extra (and tip him well ofc which surprises him)

-Or they send a certain amount and tell him to go ham and surprise them

-Beel once paid him to make matching sports charms for his team

-He tried setting up an online shop but then chickened out at the last second, so now it's just word of mouth

-MC at first was wary of him because he spent so much time there she thought he was stealing

-She would go in there to fix the aisle only to find it sparkling (awkwardly customer services him before walking away)

-Mammon wonders why all the employees keep asking if he needs help finding anything

-Hears him telling off a customer while passing by to do returns and is shocked af

-One day when he's buying beads the cashier asks what he's making and he excitedly explains his idea and shows off his phone charm

-MC was already up there packing an order and gets called over by the cashier

-Compliments him on the design and suddenly Mammon is confused because all this time he thought she hated him (she always side eyed him in the aisle and rarely spoke to him) (she's actually the most awkward manager ever)

"That looks really pretty! You made that?"

"U-Uh, yeah! Yeah, I did! Cool, ain't it?"

-After that she makes an effort to say hi and ask what he's making (if he's making anything)

-They end up getting along and he accidentally distracts her because they talk so much, but when she starts shuffling away, he knows she's being called for something

-The other managers were wary of him too until one day they started asking about his projects too

-One time he's there to pick up some markers for Levi as a favor and MC is there

-MC spends a full 30 seconds digging in her vest pockets for her keys

-Pulls out her phone, a box cutter, her walkie, a penny, a pen, all before her keys

-She finally pulls them out and there's no clip, no nothing, just a damn keyring

-He's mortified actually because how does she live like that

-Says this out loud without realizing

-Now they're both red faced and embarrassed

"My handheld is always in my right hand, I guess? I-I don't know, it's always been like that!"

-Her right pocket only holds her handheld. Nothing else. Maybe some order slips she needs to mark as picked up. No she will not change her ways, it's too late now and she hates change

-Decides he's going to make her a charm strap

-Realizes he doesn't know her favorite color (his mind blanks on what beads she'll linger on)

-Grabs the colors Levi asked for, and tries to think of an inconspicuous way to find out her favorite color. He's snapped out of his thoughts but her voice

"There's a buy 1 get 2 free sale, y'know"

"Eh?"

"You only have 13. You could get two more for free. You need groups of three."

"Ah. Uh, I'm getting these for my damn lil bro who sent me here and these are all he wanted-" *realization* "Choose something for me, would ya?"

"...Choose for you? What if he already has them?"

"Well now he'll have extra. Just pick your favorite color or something. Don't matter."

-Mammon's plan works because she ends up picking a royal blue color immediately. She picks another shade of blue that's lighter too after a long moment because "there's no gold, unfortunately. I like shiny things."

-Mammon feels like he found his soulmate

-Notices her name tag has some star stickers on it (and Halloween one's? In July? But they're faded)

-He asks around and posts online to see if anyone local wants a commission

-Gets more requests than he bargained for but he's saving every extra penny

-Saves up enough money to buy these gold star strung beads that MC always makes a point to fiddle with (they're on the bottom rung) and he feels silly for not noticing sooner

-Buys a pack of blue seed beads (is literally in the aisle trying to color match) and some diamond spacers (they're these round disc like one's) I am literally naming beads I see at work all the time, I'm about to make this thing irl

-He surprises her one day, or tries to. Turns out she's on vacation and won't be back for ten days

-He still shops for some commissions between (notices afternoon cashiers looks kinda miserable without her and the store gets messy)

-Except the bead aisle. That stays pristine.

-He's so excited the day she comes back, and is ready to surprise her with the charm

-But then she surprises HIM with a black and yellow woven bracelet and his heart stops

"Reminded me of you. Because of that feather clip you always have on?"

"...T-Thanks! Of course I'd be on y-your mind. I'm just that memorable, ain't I?"

-MC has never gotten so red so fast (he's concerned)

-He presents the gift he made to diffuse the situation because she might actually pass out

"Here. Made this for ya. So ya won't be digging for your damn keys so long. N-Not any other reason! ... I was gonna give it to you earlier but they said you were on vacation."

-She's literally speechless and staring at him in shock so long he thinks she hates it or he made a mistake

-She manages to stutter out a thank you and clips it to her keys immediately with the softest fucking smile he's ever seen

- Oh. Oh.

-She doesn't think he sees her when she's excitedly showing it to all her coworkers. Now she just has to feel around in her pockets for the beads and pull out her keys

-On his way out, after forgetting what he meant to buy in the first place, because he can't stop thinking about her smile, he sees the table for the hiring event they're holding next week...

AHAHA SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG, BUT I NEED AN OUTLET FOR MY WORK TROUBLES

why can't I have a cool customer who snaps at karens for me 😔 also the key thing is true because I don't wanna clip them onto my pants. Everything goes in the pockets.

pt 2 is Mammon getting hired /hj (if anyone actually wants part 2 LOLOL)

Edit: PART TWO BELOW YIPPEE

[seriallover]

Sorry this is totally random but after I read your post about "how we approach and like to be approached in love" and "sexual behavior and the things you're into", I finally understood why it's been difficult for me to find a book that I truly like and enjoy and the reason why the last book that I did like and enjoy was The Mindf*ck Series and I read it last year.

I'm trying to learn vedic astrology but I still know little about it, I'm jyestha rising, Shravana moon, Capricorn uttara ashada mars, Swati Sun, Rohini Saturn, Gemini punarvasu Jupiter (my atmakaraka), hasta mercury/Venus, Mula ketu and mrigashira Rahu (sorry for mentioning all placements I'm just not sure exactly what exactly makes me like these things). Deep down I'm romantic I'm not gonna lie, I love romcoms, clichés, I'm still big fan of Disney princess movies and old Barbie movies . But there's something about women being powerful, strong, mean, agressive and overpowering men...I just love it. I love seeing/reading women fighting and humiliating men and covered by blood (it feels amazing to confess this). And I just remembered this now, but when I was in school I loved playing sports and I was a kind of girl that loved to use my strength in an agressive way, my favorite sport was dodgeball btw and I didn't mind playing with the boys and hated when they went easier on me bc "I'm just a girl".

Nowadays In most books the women are all innocent, submissive (especially when +18 things happen)and the worst they can be is being sassy. And even when the women are mean the men are worse (this irritates me). I've tried to find a book like the Mindf*ck Series but all the suggestions are bad, apparently people cannot understand the most basic thing about the book that is Lana is a serial killer (she is the "bad girl") seeking justice with her own hands (she isn't killing for fun) but she falls in love with FBI agent Logan (he's the "good boy" who could put her in jail). She's been through a lot, she lost her soul to seek her revenge and deep down she knows she isn't a good person and doesn't deserve someone like Logan (that's what she thinks and I don't agree), yet Logan see through her darkness and loves and wants to protect her. This book reminds me a bit of Beauty and the Best (my fav Disney movie along with The little mermaid).But people just focus on the few and basic sex scenes and on the word "serial killer" and give books recommendations that are totally opposite to the Mindf*ck series. All the recommendations are the men being the serial killers killing for fun and being proud of it, stalking the women, even being mean to the women that they're supposed to love and the women having a personality as deep as kid swimming pool and ofc being submissive.

And now talking about your post about how we like to be approached, I don't like going out but I know people rarely approach me bc I've rbf (words from my friend), and I know people had crush on me but they never approach me bc they're afraid of me and they would confess years later or other people would talk about it. And also I like to make men "beg" for my attention, approaching me just once isn't enough I will simply say no and most of time i won't even notice that they're flirting with me (I feel a bit stupid when this happens). If a man wants me he must make his intentions very clear and be assertive or I won't take him serious or I will think he wants to be friends with me.

I'm sorry my comment got too long, when I start to write it's hard for me to stop. And also sorry for any mistake English isn't my first language.

Well, you have Mars exalted (even though Mars is exalted in Dhanishta and its effects are strongest there, you can still feel this energy across all Capricorn signs).

Having the Moon conjunct Mars in Capricorn explains your approach to love as more about conquering and dominating- Uttara Ashadha shakti is the “power to be victorius ” also, Jyestha shakti is the “power to conquer”🤷🏻‍♀️ Moon (mind)—Mars (goals, competition, spouse) so you might want to dominate your spouse/lovers through physical means, as these nakshatras are associated with fighting and assertiveness.

And with exalted Mercury conjunct debilitated Venus, it's no surprise that you approach love with a rational mindset and prefer clear, straightforward communication, leaving no room for ambiguity or mind games.

Oh, and with that Jyestha rising, explain your interest in more intense/brutal or gory scenes.🫣😏

I haven’t read the book, but I’ve heard about it, so I don’t have much more to add.😁

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [18]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 9,775

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon character death, blood, canon violence, mention of previous abuse, mention of drug use, mention of drug addiction, mention of canon gore, kind of a mention of alcoholism

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I can't believe I've had to type out canon character death 4 times for this series lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

You and Gar are seated on the floor facing each other while Rachel went out to get you some supplies. You're trying to wrap your head around how you're supposed to function around the city and take down Crane when the entire city wants your heads on spikes. The GCPD has always been weird about Batman but now they actually want all of the Titans taken down and with Crane behind it, that can't mean just throwing you all in cells and tossing away the key. You can't just go out and fight every civilian that hates you now. They're brainwashed because that's what Crane does and fighting people who have no clue what they're doing isn't going to help your situation. It feels more like you're all sitting ducks at this point.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Gar asks, breaking the silence between you, earning an eyebrow raise from you. "How Jason came back."

Your eyes narrow slightly, unsure how or why it would bother you. Him being alive is a good thing. "Why would it bother me?"

"I mean the Lazarus Pit." Gar states as he leans forward. "Like, he came back and that's just it? Some water somewhere is magic and can bring people back from the dead. That doesn't make sense."

You nod your head slowly, this is the same thing he told you at the manor when he showed you some of the books Bruce had on it. "Yeah, we went over that. It's because of Ra's which I think makes a lot of sense, honestly. It's still bothering you that much?"

"Yeah, like why doesn't anyone know where it is? Or what if they do but it's a secret. Bruce knew, right? Why didn't Bruce close it off like the others? Why did he keep the one in Gotham open?" Gar rambles off his questions.

Of all topics that's going to pick at Gar, this is it? The Lazarus Pit? You're bothered by it, too but not enough to be sitting here thinking about it when you're worried the Titans are going to be hunted for sport now. You've been separated and you're going to need each other but Gar doesn't seem bothered by it at all. Just the Lazarus Pit.

You blink at him a few times. "I've been trying to rationalize the decisions Bruce makes but I think that's more of a dead end than anything else. If anyone is going to have that answer outside of Bruce, it'd probably be Jason or Dick. But, they don't really get him either. I don't know." You shrug your shoulders. "Bruce is paranoid, maybe that's all there is to it. Couldn't explain why no one else knows..."

"Yeah, he's paranoid!" Gar groans. "So why leave it open?"

"No, I mean that's probably why. Or research." You let out a breath. "Maybe he's worried something will happen if he closes all of them off. Or he needs it to do more research. I don't know." You scoff. "I don't know how he feels about resurrection so maybe he wants to use it to help people or something I have no fucking idea, Gar. I think you'll drive yourself insane if you try to rationalize Bruce Wayne." You lean back on your hands, stretching out your legs.

"Maybe more people know about it." Gar says quietly. "If Crane knew..." Gar trails off as his eyes grow worried.

Without him finishing, you know exactly what he's thinking.

"Yeah, thought of that." You nod your head, your heart skipping a beat.

If Crane knew and his guy knew, more people know. They have to. Gotham is a big city so anyone can stumble upon it. People talk, it's what they do. It can't be that big of a secret. The question is who knows about it. If Crane knows, more Arkham inmates might know. More people who are crooked might know. There have been some really bad people who've been killed. If Jason can come back, so can they.

"We have to find it." Gar states.

"Why?" You ask flatly, tired of the circles you've been running.

"So we can do something about it." Gar says sternly.

"Like what?" Your voice raises.

Considering Crane is literally taking over the city, poisoning the water, and still might be wanting to distribute his drug, you think your hands a little bit full at the moment. Why go messing with something like a Lazarus Pit? That just sounds like a bad idea. Doing research into it is fine but the way you see it, it's probably best to leave well enough alone. Maybe you all should tackle one problem at a time and the Lazarus Pit doesn't seem to be a problem right now.

"I don't know! But maybe we can understand more about it and...use it for good. Or close it off so people like..." Gar's voice trails off as his eyes dodge yours. "The Joker don't get brought back."

"We should leave it alone." You urge, not missing a beat. "That's...that's Bruce and Ra's' business and Jason filled me in on the whole League Of Assassins and the Al Ghuls and I don't want to fuck with them."

"Since when are you on Bruce's side?" Gar scoffs in disbelief. The you he knows would love to do anything to get one over on Bruce, to show him up, prove he's wrong. Or just spite him in general. "He left. He left Dick to clean up his mess."

"I'm not on Buce's side." You grit your teeth. "I don't know why I have to be on anyone's side besides my own, by the way. Look, he's been doing the Batman shit a long fucking time and his methods don't always work but there has to be a reason the pit was left open." You pause for a few seconds before you shake your head. "It brought Jason back. It's not up to us to close it or do something with it."

The room falls silent with your final words. A lot of really bad people can be brought back and that is obviously a big concern. And you disagree with Bruce like you get paid for it but you know if that, of all things, was left open there is a reason for it. It brought Jason back. The way you see it, it can't be up to you and Gar to do anything about it. The Lazarus Pit isn't a battle and it's not up for Gar and you to make it into one. That's Bruce, Ra's' and Jason's business now.

"I got everything." Rachel states as she walks into the room, gaining Gar's and yours attention. The two of you get to your feet as Gar takes the bag from Rachel. "So, this happened last night? With the GCPD?" Rachel asks as Gar looks through the bag and pulls out a box of Cheeze Its.

"Yeah." You nod. "We, uh, we were set up. Dick and Babs had a plan to get the public off our backs but uh, Crane has basically the rest of the department on his payroll now so, uh, yeah." You nod your head as you look to the ground. Gar nudges you softly, offering you the bag. You look inside, seeing clothes. "Thank you." Your eyes widen at Rachel as you nod your head but before you can go to change, all of your phones start blaring an alarm.

The three of you pull out your phones, hoping this means cell towers are back up and running but you can never get so lucky. Instead, Jason wearing the Red Hood suit appears on your screens. Sam's heart falls to her feet. This is never good.

"Hello Gotham!" Jason cheers. "It's Red Hood coming to you live from the most exclusive spot in town: The Batcave. For too long, this city has been at the mercy of criminals and I'm not just talking about the Penguin and the Riddler and The Joker. I'm talking about the ones who pretend to help but only make things worse. First Batman and now the Titans. Hypocrites who feed off of your terror and pursuit of glory and they turn Gotham into a city of carnage. But it all comes to an end today. There's a new savior in town. First thing I'm going to do is burn the trash. You hear me, Nightwing? You're public enemy numero uno. But not for long, meet me at midnight. You know the place. It's time for us to finish this." Jason finishes before the screens go black.

You can feel the headache coming back. What the fuck?

"Okay, what the hell was that about?" Gar asks, looking to you.

Just last night Jason got you both to safety, took out the snipers. Gar might have been a bit out of it but he remembers that pretty vividly. Now, Jason is back with Crane?

"I literally have no fucking idea." You let out a groan, stuffing your phone back into the pocket of your suit.

"I thought he was on our side?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah." Gar raises his brows. "Isn't he supposed to be?"

"He is!" You immediately defend, desperately grabbing for an ounce of faith and reason Jason might have. "I don't know what he's doing. Maybe..." You pull in a breath, trying to figure out why he'd be acting like he's trying to target the Titans. If it were you, it'd be an act, a ploy to play both sides. "Maybe it's to meet up with Dick? I don't know. I mean, he has to make the public think he's with them and not us. He has to play along with Crane or he's dead again. And Crane clearly has access to the towers so it's not like Jason can just...call Dick. Crane might know." You nod your head, mostly just blurting out whatever bullshit you could come with on the spot.

"That's not reassuring." Gar remarks. "How do we know he's not working with Crane again?" Gar asks and he wants to hold onto hope that's not the case but after everything, even he's starting to be chiseled down into a calloused version of himself.

"We don't." You state, holding your head steady, careful not to waver. "We don't know. I don't think he would but it's always possible Crane drugged him again, I guess." You roll your eyes before you roll your shoulders. "Okay, I'm gonna go find Dick."

"No!" Gar protests. "They're going to try to kill you if you go out there. We need to stay hidden until we think of a plan."

"Yeah, I'm with Gar on this one." Rachel states, glancing between the two of you.

"I know this city like the back of my hand. I can find him and be fine." You argue back casually.

At this point, you aren't too afraid of what's out there. It can't possibly be any worse than anything you've experienced lately. You can change, go out as a civilian until you find them. It shouldn't take too long and if it does, you know where they'll be at midnight and you can go there. Someone has to find Dick before any of this gets any worse. And someone needs to find Jason to make sure he's not actually going to try and kill Dick again. You're volunteering, again.

"How are we supposed to find you again then?" Gar asks.

"I don't know." You shrug. "Rache's ESP or whatever?" Rachel offers a slight glare to you as you shrug and give her a grin. "That's kind of what it is." You mutter under your breath. "Whatever Rachel just used, use that. I'm gonna find Dick and if I can't, I know where they're gonna meet."

"Why do you know that?" Rachel asks.

"Because I know Jason and so does Dick. So I'm gonna go there if I have to." The casualness of your voice is not reassuring to Gar or Rachel.

"We're gonna try to find the Lazarus Pit then." Gar states, holding his head high as he crosses his arms.

"You're not gonna stop about that are you?" You ask slowly, giving Gar a slight glare.

"Nope." Gar offers you a smile right back which gets your rather cold exterior to crack just a little.

"Fine but can you promise not to mess with it...like don't take any water...liquid? From it, okay? Or have Rachel try to destroy it." You raise your brows at Rachel and then at Gar who starts to beam.

"Of course not." Gar nods his head once. "I just want to find it, learn more."

"Alright." You let out a sigh. "I'll change and head out. If we don't meet up and you don't hear from me before somehow, we'll meet back here at noon tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds good." Rachel offers a soft smile. "Don't do anything stupid."

You let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, too late." You look back to Gar. "You guys don't do anything stupid." You smile cheekily at Gar before you turn on your heels. "Be careful!" You wave a hand as you leave the room.

You start your search near the tunnel system, hoping Jason will be there at least but he's not. The reality is that if Jason doesn't want to be found, he won't be. That little bit of information about him has you starting to really worry. It's probably nothing. Jason is probably just with Crane, getting information and saving his own ass. But, there's this small part of you that does wonder if he's preparing to go after Dick again. As much as you don't want it to be true, a part of your trust in him is gone. It's been ripped and torn to unrecognizable shreds. It's as if he took that trust and ripped it apart, baring his teeth with anger like a rabid bear and it can't be mended from that. It's not how it works. There is no fixing it. Just gaining something new and you are not there yet. That leaves you questioning his motives even if the beating between your ribs is telling you his intentions are only pure.

Finding Dick is of no use either. You don't even know where he would go. At least with Jason, you know he likes the school around the block from the library but he doesn't care for that library. He prefers the one near the shelter that houses mostly kids. He has his favorite gargoyle. Finding Jason, when he wants to be found, is easy but Dick? You have no clue where he would even go. He probably has places to go but you aren't sure of any of them which leaves you mostly wandering around until it gets closer to midnight.

By then, it's time to change and meet them at the spot. If nothing else, Dick will be there and you'll be able to tell him where Gar and Rachel are.

This is not how Jason wanted this to go. He wanted to meet up with Dick but with Crane having control of the entire city, he couldn't risk it. Too bad for Jason because Dick does not trust him. Dick has offered him no benefit of the doubt of this not turning into a fight and no part of Jason actually blames him even if he's mad. Of course, Dick doesn't trust him. Why would he? But Jason doesn't stop fighting him to try to explain anything and neither does Dick. Instead, the two of them fight, throwing punches and kicks. Dick uses the enigma sticks and Jason shoots at Dick a few times. It's turned into chaos.

Somehow the roles have flipped. Jason doesn't want to kill Dick but by the way Dick is fighting, Jason is scared Dick will fight him till the death and Jason doesn't want to die again...not yet. It leaves him with no choice. Fight harder, faster, better. Be better.

But Jason and Dick's attention is pulled away from each other.

"What the fuck are you idiots doing?!" You yell, fully suited up again and just walking up to see the chaos they're creating.

This does not look good. They shouldn't be fighting. If all Jason wanted to do was meet up with Dick, they shouldn't be fighting. Something went wrong and at this point, you aren't even sure who caused it this time. But by the way Dick snaps his attention back to Jason and smacks him with the stick, you almost wonder if it were Dick that started this.

Jason doesn't take it lightly, immediately stepping back into combat mode and firing a shot at him. You roll your eyes, pulling out your grappling hook and a knife. You aim the hook at Jason's feet and the knife at Dick before you fire and throw. The hook smacks Jason's feet, throwing his aim off while the knife's end hits Dick's arm with enough force to get him to drop his stick.

"Hello? What the fuck are you two morons doing?" You snap again.

"He started it!" Jason yells as he points at Dick like a child.

Dick snaps his attention back to Jason. "Me?!"

"You threatened to kill him again, Jason!" You yell at him. "Seriously, what the fuck is going on?!"

Jason spins to look over at you. You cannot believe he wanted to fight Dick again. Of all people, you have to know this is not what he came here to do tonight.

"I just wanted to fucking talk and he attacked me!" Jason points at Dick again.

"Gee, I wonder why Dick would attack someone who just threatened to kill him. It's a real brain teaser, Jay." You quip back but you roll your eyes and look over to Dick. "So...you gonna kill him now?"

"I saw him!" Dick defends as he points the stick at Jason once he picks it up. Are they both five? "At the PD." Dick clarifies. "He was on the roof when we came out. He was in on it!" Dick closes the distance between them and smacks him with the stick again.

Jason doesn't miss a beat in fighting back, not even bothering to explain that he was at GCPD to help. Of course, Jason isn't going to try to explain that now. You're just exhausted with these two. At some point, they need to learn how to communicate with words and you figure, maybe they can just fight it out for once. Maybe they need to just fight until they get tired. So, you cross your arms and decide you'll watch and try to intervene if it looks like they might actually kill each other.

Dick ends up disarming Jason entirely, sending him to the ground just as a crowd of civilians gather around to watch the show and that's when your stomach starts to sink. Jason will be fine but these people hate Dick. The fight turns into a violent hand-to-hand fight, the two of them throwing punches and kicks as hard as they can and going for the neck. Jason grabs Dick's neck, pushing him back but Dick grabs Jasn, throwing him over Dick's head and slamming him on his back onto the hard pavement. You wince at the sight and sound. Dick walks over and picks up one of Jason's guns before he goes back to Jason and stands right over him. Dick points the gun at Jason's head.

You're quick to run and stand over Jason. You look up at Dick. "Dude, put the gun down." You put your hands out in surrender, the gun aimed at your stomach. "You're not gonna kill him." Your voice doesn't waver even if you're not entirely sure if that's true anymore.

Would Dick kill him?

Jason doens't want to die. It feels wrong to be back. It feels wrong. Like he's stretching the universe too far and it's all going to snap back, straighten itself out and toss him back into the grave where he belongs. But today, at the hands of Dick Grayson? No. He is not dying tonight so he decides to taunt Dick. Even if Dick wants to kill him, he'll never do it. He'd never give Jason the satisfaction even if Dick were able to toss his morals to the side.

"I did this to you." Jason mutters.

"Shut the fuck up, so fucking help me." You look to the sky in annoyance.

"You did this to yourself." Dick points the gun past you, aiming at Jason again. You move to stand in front of the gun again.

You were just shot two days ago. As badly as it hurt and as bad as it still sucks now, you'll take the bullet if you need to. No one is dying tonight. You've all lost too many people already and this is over a miscommunication.

"Come on. Give me the fucking gun." You mutter. "You're not like us." You plead, locking eyes with Dick.

There's something about the way you say it that gains even Jason's attention. It's not pained or sympathetic, it's just honest. It's not remorseful even, just honest and candid. But it's sad with the smallest touch of desperation. It says everything Dick and Jason need to know about how you really feel about people killing other people.

Dick looks at the gun and back to you. He hands you the gun and you take it, removing the bullets immediately and tossing them before you bend down beside Jason to make sure he's okay. For a second, you really thought Dick just might pull the trigger.

"You okay?" You ask softly as Jason leans up on his forearms, his head and back throbbing from the impact.

Jason looks back at you, brows pinched tightly together but then he sees movement from the corner of his eye, grabbing his attention behind Dick. "Nightwing." Jason's voice is rough but stern, harsh. A warning. Jason's eyes widen with the slight nod of his head.

You follow his stare, seeing an innocent civilian aiming a gun at Dick. Dick's brows pull together but before he can turn around, the kid starts shooting. Lucky for Dick, the suit is bulletproof. The bullets bounce right off as Dick turns around. The gunfire comes to a stop as you and Jason watch from your spot behind him. The both of you start to worry, just a little because the suit might be bulletproof but the kid just needs one lucky shot for this to be catastrophic.

"Woah, easy. I'm not here to hurt you." Dick says, putting his hand out as he walks towards the kid.

You get to your feet first, offering Jason a hand up. Jason takes it but the two of you keep your eyes on the kid. Scared kid, a gun, a guy painted to be the enemy fighting the guy painted to be the hero. The air fills with dread, suffocating Jason with its bare hands tattooed with guilt and regret. It's his fault Dick is here. It's his fault he didn't just say what happened and what he wanted. None of these people should even be here. What is he supposed to do?

"Careful, put the gun down." Dick states.

Jason pulls out another gun, switching to new bullets. He's definitely not going to shoot a scared kid who thinks he's doing the right thing. But, he can shoot in that general direction, he can just use it as a threat if he needs to. He doesn't want to threaten the kid but if he has to he will. He did not come here to kill Dick, get Dick killed, or watch him die. Not tonight.

"What the hell are you doing?" You whisper to him.

"Being prepared." Jason mutters back.

Dick hears Jason and turns around to face him before he starts walking back toward you and Jason. Dick is on guard, feeling as if he can't trust Jason. The second his back is turned, Jason is reloading a gun. From Dick's perspective, Jason isn't done fighting and Jason poses more of a threat than the kid. So, he pulls out the enigma stick again.

Before Dick can reach you and Jason, the kid starts shooting again. Dick is blocking them but Jason pulls you behind him, blocking you from the few shots not even putting any thought into it. But, by the time the third shot rings across the stale air, it finally makes proper contact with Dick. The kid got lucky. The kid got lucky, sending the bullet into Dick's neck right above where his armor stops.

It's as if the entire scene falls into slow motion as you and Jason watch in horror as the blood spurt from Dick's neck. Jason's heart stops beating entirely as Dick's hand goes to his neck, trying to put pressure on the wound. Jason eyes the kid who doesn't even look surprised or sorry or fucking scared. He doesn't look scared. He should look scared.

Jason didn't feel scared killing all those people but if he weren't high, he would have at least felt something. There would have been some part of him that would have felt some sort of fear or remorse or pity or he would have had a thought questioning if it were the right thing to do. Is this really the last resort? He would have felt fucking something other than pride for a job well done. This kid does not look like any of those things. He looks like he just did something on a random Tuesday night. No remorse, no consequences. Just a thing he did.

What is the city turning into?

What has Jason turned this city into?

"I did it for you." The kid's wavered voice breaks the silence, shattering the slowed illusion.

Jason glances to Dick as he falls to the ground and then he looks back to the kid. This is not what he wanted. Crane, Jason, they convinced the public of this. That this was the right way. Jason may not have had a part in that video but it never would have been made if it weren't for him. The public is gonna get blood on their hands. This will clear up, somehow, someway, it will and now this innocent kid, has to deal with the death of someone on his own hands for someone who was masquerading around like a hero, like a savior.

"Red Hood." The kid states, this time the unsteadiness of his voice is gone. And then he starts chanting Jason's vigilante name, over and over and over again as the rest of the civilians join in.

You look at him with heartbreak before you run over to Dick, pushing him onto his back where you put your hand over the neck wound. How could this happen? Another person? Another fucking person? Dick was always right about Gotham. Maybe Bruce was right about Gotham.

Jason went into more detail about what Bruce said to him the day he took Robin away. Bruce had said something about how people lose themselves to the city. Maybe he was right. Maybe they go mad, maybe they turn into murderers, and maybe they die. But eventually, maybe everyone gets lost in the city of damaged hopes. And maybe Dick was right, too. This city takes and it changes people. It's as if this city needs the chaos of destruction in order to stay afloat and it waits in the shadows, just waiting for the perfect victim at the right time before it sinks its teeth into them. It bleeds them of all their good parts until there's nothing left. A perfect sacrifice for the city.

Maybe that's all Gotham is because Dick is bleeding out because some kid got fucking lucky with a gun.

Jason watches in horror and having everyone chant his name does not sound as good as he once thought it would. At one point, he thought having everyone cheer for him would feel good. He would be important but he just got his brother shot. Someone who has almost always just tried to help him. Jason has been out here trying to kill him and thanks to you, Dick was willing to trust Jason and give him a second chance but now he's just been shot and it's his fault. And he's going to die because of him.

Jason knows what it's like to die and it's fucking terrifying and painful. Tears brim his eyes and the crowd is still chanting and he sees your cheeks glistening in the low streetlights around you. He wanted to talk but when Dick attacked first, rightfully so, he just couldn't help it. He thought that it was over for him and maybe it didn't have to be. How the fuck did he get here again? He should have just surrendered. That's all he had to do but his ego and pride get in the fucking way. All he ever does is get in the way. Dick's gonna die and it's all his fault.

He wants to run, get out of here because it's all too much. Too loud, too heavy. Too much pressure. Everyone is cheering as if Jason pulled the trigger and killed the worst of the worst. They're brainwashed and Jason knows that better than anyone. Someone has to snap them out of it. It's too much but running and pushing has never done him much good.

"Get out here!" Jason yells over the crowd as the chanting slows down. Your attention, like the rest of the crowd, lands on him. "Go! Before I start fucking shooting." Jason aims the gun into the air, his arm steady and his eyes threatening.

"We're on your side!" One of the citizens announces.

"So do what I fucking say." Jason snips back. "Didn't ask for you fucking help here. Get out of here." Jason takes steps toward the crowd as they start to back away.

They grumble and mutter amongst themselves before they eventually disburse. Jason takes that as his cue to run up beside you, leaning over Dick. There's blood pooling out of his mouth as he gasps for air.

"I can't stop the bleeding." You state. "Think he hit the fucking artery."

"I got it." Jason mutters, slightly nudging you out of the way where he can replace your hands with his. You have had enough blood on your hands lately, this is on Jason.

Neither of you have ever seen Dick look scared or panicked. Surely, he feels it. He is human and normal, mostly. But, he's really good at hiding it. With Deathstroke, you didn't see the look of pure terror on his face when you were standing outside the window. You didn't see the look of horror and agony on his face as Jason was falling to his death. You didn't see it because Dick has always been good at making sure no one sees those emotions from him. He has to be strong, sturdy, and a little calloused in order for everyone else not to panic. If the leader looks panicked and scared, so will everyone else. If everyone is scared and panicked, mistakes are made and more people die. So, he hides it. Until now.

Dick can feel the blood loss taking over, making him light-headed. The blood loss and bullet wounds alone are making it harder to breathe. He knows how long he has, maybe minutes but nothing more. Not unless you or Jason can get some sort of help in the next few seconds. He's going to die and it is fucking terrifying. He isn't ready. He has too much left. Who is going to look after the Titans if he dies? Who's going to stop Crane? He has too much life to live, outside of the Titans to die tonight but he is helpless. There is no help and there is no hope. It's just him bleeding out in the middle of downtown Gotham.

"Get." Dick tries to pull in a breath. "Help."

You look around and you don't see a single person around. Your heart starts to break as the lump comes back to your throat. It destroyed you when Jason died and it destroyed you when your mom died. You're actually pretending like Tim survived just in case he didn't. You can't deal with it if he died, too. But, you look back at Dick and you're really scared he'll die.

You might fight with him all the time and disagree with him usually, but you have a lot of respect for him. He saved your life more than once. You might not like his morals but you think he is a good person and he tries a lot harder than anyone else ever would. To help innocent people. To help you, no obligation, no transaction, no contingencies. He helps you because he just does. Just like with Rachel and Gar, and despite what Jason thinks, you think that's why he tried to help Jason, too. Just because. It shouldn't be Dick to die. The Titans need him. He's a really good leader, usually. It's almost shocking but he is. And everyone trusts him. The Titans will fall apart if he dies. They practically fell apart when Donna died but Dick would kill them. The Titans need him. You need him.

Jason glances over to you, knowing this is going to be bad. He's not going to make it and by the look of devastation in your eyes, he knows you feel it, too. And then the throbbing under Jason's hands comes to a slow halt.

"Dick?" Jason questions, looking back at him. "Hey, man, stay awake." Jason holds his voice steady, careful not to let it slip how much this is ripping him to shreds. "I can't feel his pulse." Jason says quietly, glancing back to you before he pulls his hand away, trying a different spot but he still feels nothing.

"Keep your hands on the wound." You mutter, moving to the opposite side before you place your hands on his chest and start chest compressions.

Jason watches you, trying to keep his hands steady on the wound but with every ump, Jason can feel blood coming from the wound, warming his hands. The tip of Jason's nose starts to feel like it's on fire while his eyes feel like someone's just thrown sand into them. This cannot be happening. Dick is otherwise dead and he's got you doing CPR, just as you did the night Jason died. And Jason can't peel his eyes away from you as some sort of self-torture because he thinks this is probably similar to how you looked that night.

The hood of your suit falling off of your head, resting lazily on your shoulders and moving with every compression. The way your hair is a complete mess. Tear-stained cheeks shining against any light that they catch. And blood soaking your skin. Jason wonders if this is the exact sight Babs walked in on. You must have felt so alone.

"Dick!" You and Jason hear Gar's voice from across the pavement, wet footsteps picking up their pace. "What happened?" Gar yells as him and Rachel get closer to the two of you.

"He was shot." Jason states as you don't miss a single beat.

"He's not breathing." You rush with heaving breath.

"Are you sure?" Gar asks with glossy eyes.

You stop, feeling for a pulse and there's still nothing. "Positive." You continue chest compressions, looking to Rachel who falls to her knees beside you.

"Is there anything you can do?" Gar asks, looking at Rachel.

You stop, sitting back on your toes, to see if Rachel can use her powers somehow to save him. It might not have worked on Donna but maybe it could work on Dick. He hasn't been dead long. Maybe that matters and Jason and Gar seem to have the same hope. Jason pulls away while Gar keeps his stance steady, almost holding his breath as Rachel tries her powers, a purple glow coming from her hands over Dick's neck. But nothing comes from it. Instead, the purple fades as Rachel lets out a cry.

"It's too late." Rachel sniffles, looking to Gar.

Gar lets out a scream as tears start to fall from your eyes. Jason's eyes stay trained on Dick, almost distant as he thinks the pain of it all has just chewed him to pieces. What are you gonna do?

You look to Rachel who looks like she might break into a million pieces right in front of you. Gar yells again as bats crowd the space above all of you. The four of you look up, watching the bats circle around all of you. Gar starts to have problems with his eyes as he rubs them only for his face to start turning green and then his hands start to change until his body follows. Suddenly, Gar is a bat, flying with the others above you.

"Gar?" Rachel asks.

You, Jason, and Rachel get to your feet as the bats circle closer and closer to Dick, Gar right in the mix of them. You all back away as the bats fly down to Dick and start to pick him up, all of them working together. They fly Dick high into the air before they start moving.

"What...the....fuck?" You look to Rachel as she'll have some sort of answer.

"That's new, right?" Jason looks to you who just nods.

"Come on." Rachel says, without missing a beat, grabbing some of Gar's clothes before she starts following the bats and Gar.

You and Jason exchanged a confused look before deciding to follow. You both have absolutely nothing left to lose at this point.

"I thought he couldn't turn into anything else?" You ask as the three of you run to keep up with the bats.

"He turned ito a snake once." Jason answers, not even thinking.

He was possessed at the time and the reason Gar turned into a snake in the first place but Gar talked about it a lot at first. Jason tried to help him transform again, several times with different methods. Getting him mad, scaring him, sparring harder with him, they tried everything but nothing ever worked. And then Gar stopped talking about it.

"Yeah, once but now he's a bat?" You question. "What the fuck?"

"Is that really what you're concerned about right now?" Rachel asks, her voice torn between amusement and worry.

"I mean..." You suck in a breath. "It's better than the alternative. I would prefer to focus on the weird shit than the sad shit."

Rachel gives you a subtle glare as you keep up your fast walk. It's not a long walk before you all reach the entrance of a building and Rachel is the only one who understands what's happening.

"They're taking him to the Lazarus Pit." Rachel says as Gar and the bats take Dick into the building.

"What?" Jason almost demands as his steps come to a hard stop. "You found it?"

"Yeah." Rachel mutters softly, turning around to see Jason not walking and you standing a few feet in front of him.

He can't go in there. It feels wrong. How do you know Dick would want that? Would he want it? If someone were to have asked Dick before he died if this is what he wanted, would he say yes? Would he agree to it without knowing the consequences of being brought back? Would he be okay with the constant feeling of being pulled back to the dark where the Grim Reaper waits with a smile?

But Jason looks at you and Rachel, the two who Dick has saved. It's not his place to argue it. Dick hasn't been dead long. Maybe he won't feel the way Jason does. Jason was dead a few days. Maybe it's different. Maybe the Pit has different effects the longer someone is dead so it's not his place. Jason hasn't been on good terms with Dick in a few weeks, he doesn't get a say. But, he can't go in. The pull is too strong and his bones feel like they might vibrate and shatter right through his skin. He can't do it.

"You coming, Jay?" You ask softly as you close the distance between you. You thought maybe he'd want to see the thing that brought him back. It is fascinating. And maybe he could be there if it works for Dick. Maybe help.

"No." Jason shakes his head. "I'm going to Crane." Jason spits it out without thinking as he watches the shock consume your face.

"Do you think that's really a good idea?" Rachel asks as a wince almost consumes her entire expression.

Jason takes a step towards you and nods his head at Rachel before looking back at you. "I gotta try to fucking help. Maybe I can get Crane to spill with Dick dead. He won't know about the Pit."

He has to do this. Maybe he can convince Crane to give up some form of information. If the Pit can bring Jason back, it can bring Dick back. He's going to wake up in a few hours and now it's Jason's job to get him some answers so they finally put this whole thing out of its misery. He owes Dick that much.

"Are you sure?" You ask, eyes scanning his face as if fully convinced this is just him avoiding something.

Jason nods softly. "Yeah, go with them. We'll meet later." Jason offers something that's not quite a smile.

You don't like the idea but...maybe Crane will think Nightwing's death is on Jason's hands. Maybe that'll be enough for Crane to actually trust Jason just enough to offer some sort of information to him. It's the right thing to do.

"Okay." You nod reluctantly. "Be careful, yeah?"

"Always." Jason gives you the subtle smirk he always does before he nods and runs off in the opposite direction.

The two of you go into the building, following the way Gar and the other bats took as you run to catch up. You get to an open room where a glowing pool of blue liquid sits right in the middle of the room. Gar and the other bats hover above it, holding Dick's lifeless body.

"Gar, now!" Rachel yells as the bats start to lower Dick into the water.

Once Dick is lowered, the bats fly around until Dick is completely submerged and then they disburse. Besides Gar. You and Rachel sit at the edge of Lazarus Pit, just watching as it starts to bubble. This whole thing is weird but you can't help but feel just a little bit of hope. If it worked for Jason, it should work for Dick.

"You're not allowed to leave anymore." You mutter, keeping your eyes on the Pit.

"What?" Rachel shakes her head in confusion.

"You're not allowed to leave. Everything went to shit and you show up, find me and Gar and then the damn pit. You can't leave, Titans need you." You nod your head quickly as Rachel smiles softly, looking back to the pit.

Gar transforms back to himself and starts getting dressed. Once he has his pants on, he walks to the edge of the pit, standing opposite you and Rachel. He's blinking dramatically, having a subtle sway to stance as he tries to get his equilibrium back to normal.

"He's gonna make it, right?" Gar asks, looking at you.

Gar isn't sure how you would know but you're the one who's had more conversations with Jason than anyone. Jason might not know a lot but something about asking you gives Gar hope. Maybe you do know the Pit works every single time. Gar hopes it works like that.

"I don't know." You shrug. "Uh...J-Jason just said, uh, that someone put him in it and then he was alive. So..." You nod your head. "I-I guess if that's all there is...yeah. Jason was dead for a few days so..." You pull in a shaky breath.

"I can't believe he actually died." Rachel states, her eyes on the pit. She says it mostly out of hope that whatever happened with Jason to bring him back, will bring Dick back.

You glance to her before you pull your knees to your chest. You know it's because Rachel is finding all of this out for the first time while everyone else has had a few weeks to digest the news and fumble their way through the aftermath. But, no one can believe Jason not only died but then came back. It's the way it's talked about, how it's said in passing and so casually that you almost wonder if they're all just...fine with it. At the end of the day, Jason died. He died. That was something that happened and he remembers it. As someone who was nearly beaten to death, you know that was haunting. Is haunting. You can't imagine what dying is actually like. And how terrified he probably still feels. But, everyone else is...it's as if that aspect of it, doesn't matter. To some extent, you get it. You understand because he became Red Hood and decided to kill Dick. You understand because they didn't see it. But, it irks you anyway.

"Sorry." Rachel says quietly. "I didn't mean anything by it. I just meant that it's kind of crazy. Jason was reckless but I didn't think he'd actually get killed." Rachel explains calmly.

"No, it's okay." You shake your head. "You're just getting the news of everything and then Dick is killed. I get it, don't worry about it."

"Are you okay?" Gar asks, his brows knitted together in their usual state of worry.

"I'm fine." You look up to him with one stern nod. "Been here a few times, right?" You quip bitterly.

"That's why I asked." Gar nods his head.

"Yeah, I'm good." You sniffle. "Are you guys okay? I mean...it's Dick." You look between Rachel and Gar as if feeling you have no right to grieve him as much as them.

You've been at odds with Dick most of the time over the last few weeks. It doesn't seem fair for you to absorb any space for grief. It should be given to Rachel and Gar.

"No." Gar answers. "What're we supposed to do without him?" Gar's voice nearly shatters.

"We don't have to think about that because if it worked for Jason, it'll work for Dick." Rachel states with ease and you're not sure who she's trying to convince.

"Yeah." Gar says shortly.

"I think we need to force the batboys into therapy after this. Group and individual until they learn how to have a conversation." You groan, trying not to focus on Dick actually dying and not coming back from this.

"We all need therapy." Gar mutters as he comes to sit on the other side of you.

The three of you fall silent, just watching the pit with no idea how long this is supposed to take or if you'll even know if it works or not. This is definitely the pit but none of you know the logistics of it. For all you know, this isn't going to work or it could take hours or days. So, you just fall into silence, mostly thinking of everything that's happened.

It's haunting and sets reality into stone of the work you all do. Of couse, it was real the day Donna died. Wonder Girl was killed. It was real then, too. But, it was an accident. And then it was real when Jason died. But, it was Jason who was killed by The Joker. That was different. This is Dick though. He's the leader and even when he's wrong, he still knows what to do. He was Robin. He's Nightwing. He's not supposed to die and he did anyway. And it was by some kid with a gun. It wasn't The Joker or Two Face or Deathstroke. It was just some kid. A kid Dick would have protected but everyone turned their backs on the Titans over Crane. And Dick was killed for it.

What are you all supposed to do if this doesn't work? Just go back to San Francisco like nothing happened? That doesn't seem possible. It'll just feel cold and lonely.

Between the three of you sitting here, he's saved your lives more times than you can count. He is the older and annoying brother none of you really asked for. It's losing another family member. But...it hits a little different this time. So, the air around you feels like it's carrying bricks and the guilt of the entire world.

Jason, he's also still processing everything that's just happened. When he left to meet Dick, he knew he'd have to start talking immediately, given his own broadcast and conversation with Dick. But, then the flashbang went off and it's like it...triggered something in him where he just had to fight. He just had to. Something deep inside of him told him Dick would never let him explain why he did what he did. It's the immediate defensive mechanism and he knows it. But, he's on the way back to the manor and he's thinking that was just dumb. It was not giving Dick any bit of credit which Jason doesn't like to do on most days but he deserved this time. And now he's dead. He's dead and that's Jason's fault because that kid was defending him. Everything is his fault even when he is desperately clawing his way away from all of this. It follows him.

He told you that, months ago, it follows him like a curse and he has never been so sure of that. First it was his mom. He is not mad at her and he holds no resentment towards her but he wasn't enough for her. She chose those drugs every single day over him and he knows part of that was so she could function. That's how it started. It started so she could take care of him. If it weren't for him in the first place, his mom wouldn't have gotten addicted and then she'd still be here.

His dad was angry and desperate because he was just trying to provide for them. He was down and out and he was an ass and abusive but there was a point, before the alcohol, where he was trying. He was trying and if it weren't for Jason being an extra mouth to feed who needed other things, maybe his dad wouldn't have been so angry and desperate.

Had he never gone after Deathstroke, you wouldn't have been there. Had he never gone after Deathstroke, the Titans wouldn't have left and the tower wouldn't have been attacked or the Titans would have fought together. Gar wouldn't have been kidnapped and turned into a killer. Donna wouldn't have died.

You wouldn't been traumatized had he never went after the Joker. You wouldn't have been shot. Dick wouldn't have been shot and killed. Hank wouldn't have been killed. Everything that's happened has been following right on his heels like a rabid dog chasing him down a dead end alley. There is no escape. He is just stuck in this constant spiral of agony and causing everyone else around him the worst pain they will ever experience.

This is all his fault and there's nothing he can do anymore.

Even if the Pit works, will Dick remain the same? Or will he be as terrified and traumatized and stuck as Jason? Whatever side effects Dick gets from the Pit, that has to fall on Jason, too.

Jason reaches the Batcave, the cuts from Dick's punches still bleeding over his face. Crane is dragging his scythe on the floor, his face covered in fresh cuts. He's got this evil and eerie smile while there's a body on a table, cut open with his organs sticking out. This is the first time he's ever felt terrified of Crane. At the hospital, it wasn't Crane Jason was worried about it. It was who would call in. But this? This is Crane losing his damn mind on some, likely, innocent person and Jason thinks his days are definitely numbered with him. Everyone's days are numbered with him.

"Nightwing's dead." Jason states, his words flat and pained.

"Batman saved my toy." Crane says but it's only slightly enthusiastic, almost childlike as he holds up the scythe by the chain. Crane lets out a light chuckle as Jason just watches him closely, ready to move if Crane tries to pull anything. "A trinket of our courtship together. Who would have thought he was so...sentimental."

Jason's eyes narrow as he watches Crane. All of this...over his scythe? Jason knew he was insane but he's really pushing the envelope tonight.

"Did you hear me?" Jason questions but with no venom or snark. His chest is in so much agony, he doesn't think he can muster it at this second. "I said Nightwing is dead!" Jason gets himself to yell, growing frustrated.

"So?" Crane states. "Wasn't my monster." Crane states plainly but not in the way where his words feel light. This time there's something heavy and dark in his tone, running a chill up Jason's spine. The scythe drops to the floor, Crane still holding it by the chain. "He's your monster. What do you want? A cookie?" Crane offers a half-assed chuckle, mostly to himself.

A fire starts erupting through Jason's blood like an overdue volcano. He can't be serious. Getting clean, Jason realizes that so much of the shit Crane was spilling was just him manipulating him, making sure Jason had no one to run to besides Crane. But, there's some part of him that is still hurt and disgusted by the reaction. It was Crane's idea.

"You said that's what you wanted." Jason argues softly, taking just a few steps toward Crane. "When it was done, we would save Gotham my way." Jason's voice is small as the sense of betrayal kicks in.

He is only here to find out what Crane has planned and then he's gone. But, he can't help how badly it hurts. It would hurt anyway because he was manipulated into it. Turned against someone who has been looking out for him. But, Jason, as far as he knows, felt like Crane figured they were still on the same side. This doesn't feel that way. That's when Jason is realizing that's the point. Jason does the dirty work so Crane can be up at the top, hands clean and filled with the power Jason served him on a silver platter.

He knew that's all it was but maybe a part of him still believed otherwise and for the life of him, he has no idea why.

"Gotham will be saved." Crane starts his walk towards Jason, holding his scythe so it doesn't drag on the floor. "But first, it must be destroyed. As clever hopes expire, waves of fear and anger circulate over the bright and darken the lands of the earth." Crane explains as he uses the chain to sway the scythe back and forth while he paces in front of Jason.

"What the fuck kind of gibberish is that?" Jason quips back not even entirely sure if Crane is actually coherent.

"No," Crane says quickly, turning to face Jason. "No, not gibberish. No, it's the past come to life in the present." Crane pauses and Jason realizes how completely fucked he is. "An ode to the bat and his wee bird. When they stopped me, but they can't stop me now. No." Crane is looking away from Jason and Jason is starting to wonder if Crane is talking to him or just talking to himself or some third person Jason isn't aware of. "They can't stop me now...because." Crane shakes his head. "Because we will walk among them. The dead." Crane looks back at Jason and Jason hangs his head, something about him basically being the dead. "And the fallen city will be like...it'll be like a beacon. Very soon, very soon, Jason, very very soon they will die. Yes, they will die."

What the hell is this maniac even talking about?

"Who will die?" Jason asks cautiously.

"All of them!" Crane faces Jaosn as he screams, his entire face turning red. "All of them! Everybody." Crane looks to the floor and this is not how Jason wanted to fix Gotham. The answer isn't gutting the fucking the city. "You still stink of fear. After all that I've given you."

Jason's growing tired of Crane's babbling. It's not making any sense and he wants to get the fuck away from him before Crane tries to slice him in two like the other guy.

"You said I was gonna be a savior." Jason nods his head at him, a hint of disgust in his voice. "Is that your whole plan? Destroy the fucking city?"

"Is that not what it's been about?" Crane states almost whimsically.

"And how the fuck do you plan to do that?" Jason lets out a scoff but Crane just offers him a harsh glare as Jason sees his grip tighten on the chain.

Crane isn't going to tell him anything and even if he does, it'll likely be an incoherent mess like it has been the last few minutes. It was a waste of time, mostly. What Jason does know now is that he wants to destroy the entire city. There are a lot of ways to do that though and that's where he finds himself stuck. But, he can't stick around here. Not when there's no chance of getting a good answer.

"I won't help you destroy the city." Jason holds his stance, firm but calm.

"Well," Crane says with disappointment. "Perhaps you won't." Crane says before there's a pause and then he turns around quickly, throwing a scythe at Jason, still holding onto it by the chain.

Jason dodges just in time, moving quickly away from Crane. Crane follows right after him, swinging his scythe at him and just missing by a few inches. Jason keeps moving away and running, avoiding the blows each time. He does not want his head taken off tonight. That is not the plan. So, he dodges and once he sees the opportunity, he runs out of the Batcave as quickly as he can.

Crane has officially lost it which was only a matter of time before that happened. Jason was hoping they had a little bit more time but, if Crane is losing it, that means he'll be easier to take down. Once Crane starts losing his mind, he gets distracted, starts losing some of the quick thinking he's so proud of. But, Crane has something in place. It's the way he talked about it that tells Jason Crane won't need to do anything else. It's already in motion. So, now he needs to find at least you, Rachel, and Gar and maybe the four of you can figure it out. Maybe you've had some luck with the Lazarus Pit.

Jason hopes you've had luck with the Lazarus Pit.

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[callmewrinkles3]

Hi kiddos. Alex here. I know nobody asked for this but goddamn, I just needed to get it out of my chest and out of my head because today has been bad.

Nobody wants another sad story but there it goes. I was never a sports person until my best friend made me sit in front of our TV to watch twenty guys go around in circles driving fast cars. She spent her childhood watching Fernando race, so I just sat there without understanding shit. We were in deep shit in every single possible way, so I didn't complain about it because she was happy to do it.

It was the worst summer of our lives for too many reasons, but we spent those weekends watching YouTube videos about F1 to cheer ourselves up. It was really really really bad, but for a while that made it better. I can even point to the exact two moments I fell in love with Dan during those days. The first episode of DTS when he says he is a mechanic and the McL*ren snacks video where he had the goddamn Let's fuck ring. It was instant love. That was the moment my brain yelled "Yup, that's my guy". I also remember the first time I saw him. It was during the Hungary GP red flag after Valtteri destroyed everything that moved. I saw Dan standing beside the car looking at the damage and I remember thinking “Goddamn” because it was a mess.

I went from not being a sports fan to absolutely getting obsessed with it and with him. I remember Monza weekend like it was yesterday, grabbing my bestie’s hand after the sprint and saying “NO BUT YOU DONT GET IT” because he wasn’t going to start P3 but P2. I used part of our savings to get that pink shirt because it meant the world that weekend. I used part of my salary to buy an old school yellow Renault Dan shirt with my first job after not working for months thanks to covid. We were the most irresponsible people ever and we spent all our savings buying tickets to the race here in Barcelona the next year because it became my dream to actually see Dan racing in front of me. It was worth every single cent because it was a privilege to see him racing not once but twice.

The thing is, that curly Aussie man brought me the biggest smile on the worst days. He put a smile on my face when probably nothing else could. He gave me some of my biggest happy moments and some of the worst headaches and heartbreaks of the last four years. He even got me the motivation to write again after centuries of not doing it even when I love it probably more than anything else. He gave me my friends because I would never have met them if it wasn’t for our mutual love for him.

Dan is magically was the reason why @honeybadgercomeback appeared at the exact time I needed them the most. Heaven knows this needs a special mention because holyshit I love Ciara so much it's ridiculous. They stood by my side and listened to me cry for hours and stayed there when anxiety kicked me in the ass. They decided to write a whole story with me and create an entire world out of it. It's my pride and joy to do it. They even opened the doors of her family and home when I was about to explode and there aren't enough words to thank you. They're really the Blake to my Dan and heaven knows nobody will ever do it like we do. We have planned the whole thing to watch Austin together at my place next month, and even today they stood by my side when I said I couldn't watch it if Dan's not there. If that's not love then I don't know, kids.

It breaks my heart. I can't explain how badly I cried today about all this mess. The way the press and his own teams have treated him over the last couple of years is unfair. To see him leave like this is unfair. I absolutely hate it, but this is so incredibly unfair and wrong that I just reached the point where I found myself actually saying to myself that I just hope he retires and gets home to his family. I just reached the point where I’m exhausted by the sport I love so much and goddamn I’m not even planning to watch the rest of the races if he is not there. To see him crying in the media pen broke my heart, and I can't. Even then I truly hope this is not the last one. I just want to see him in Austin again. I really want him to have the farewell he deserves.

All this to say goddamn, how I love Daniel. I'm thankful for the last four years of love I got from seeing that lanky man on my TV doing what he loves. He means more to me than I could ever say. I love him more than words can express. He'll always be my guy. He'll always be my baby. God, I would go to the end of the world and to war for that man. Whatever happens next I just hope he is at peace after all this mess, because after fourteen years he bloody deserves it.

[sagaduwyrm]

Okay, so, full disclosure, I hate exercising and I fully blame the US education system for that.

It's not like I hate to move. As a kid I used to run at recess and at home all the time and I loved climbing all over the playground. I taught myself over a week to use the monkey bars. A good gym class would have taken that spark and turned it into a lifelong relationship with exercise, helping me live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life. Instead they ran me roughshod in a program meant to produce athletes and soldiers.

So. Here's my pitch for a non-sports-based gym class designed to help the average student develop a healthy exercise habit starting at middle school.

The first week or so would be completely track focused, but instead of being forced to run a mile everyone is taken out to the track, told they can bring their phone, headphones whatever, that they can talk to their friends the whole time, but don't stop moving around the track. There will be a prize for whoever completes the most laps, but if you don't want to run or go fast it's fine. You can walk the entire time. You just can't stop moving (for a few seconds or a minute or two is fine, obviously, but this is still gym class). This is to get students used the idea that movement can be easy and non painful.

There will also be stretches at the beginning and end of class.

After a few days of this the teacher will explain that there's something new on the track: zones have been marked with flags or something. These are to help anyone who wants to start practicing to get a little faster. If you've been walking the whole time, start jogging just in these zones. If you've been jogging the whole time, start running. This is based on the principle of interval training and will be a lot easier on the body than just telling someone who hates running to start sprinting.

Crucially, why this is helpful is explained to the students, and it's also reiterated that no one has to use the zones if they don't want to. Forty minutes or so of walking a day is still a decent amount of exercise, especially compared to a lot of modern Americans.

Over time more activities start to be peppered in. A weights day where everyone is taught how to safely do basic reps, with weights low enough for them. A calisthenics day with lots of modifications, i.e. you can do pushups against the wall if you want or need to. Yoga videos from a projector. For every activity the teacher explains why it's good for you, how it will make your daily life easier, and how to do it safely.

Games are played fairly often. Not necessarily sports, but fun, silly activities that get your body moving but aren't exercise. Also, Just Dance videos.

Anytime a student doesn't want to participate in the activity of the day they're allowed to go back to walking around the track. The goal of this curriculum is to make students want to exercise, or at least be comfortable with it.

Competitions can be used, but sparingly. Think about it, in an academic focus class, you wouldn't want your students to be constantly focused on how well (or badly) they're doing in comparison to everyone else. Competition can be a good motivator, but it can also be really damaging to mental health.

There are also occasional research projects where students look up some health things and present it somehow. This can be anything from stretches for a specific body part to who can find the most delicious looking, healthy recipes.

[altschmerzes]

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

OH GOSH YEAH THERE IS it's called 'without grace, without understanding' (thanks wrinkle in time) and it's a reimagining of the training arc with roy and jamie in season 3

this got a little long so it is..... under a cut lsdfkjs.

update: 'a little long' this is basically a fic in itself lmfao WHOOPSIES. i guess i may as well actually tag it, enjoy... whatever this is.

started off with me thinking about the myriad of ways that could've been a fascinating plot to use to explore those two characters' trajectories and their relationship to themselves and each other and this sport. roy's lack of trust in himself and his conviction that he ruins things.

and it's like... thinking about how roy's approach is uh. a bit much sometimes and jamie particularly doesn't necessarily react super well to that and has a tendency to take things the wrong way even when they are well delivered, and thinking about roy's concerns this season about his coaching skills. that he's REALLY worried about being a good coach. and the stuff in season 2, where he was worried he was Ruining Phoebe somehow, just.

and there's the jamie of it all. him trying to hard to be better, to do better, not sure how to make it work. how to make it happen. how to be as good as zava, be better than zava. still trying to deserve the second chance he's been given. still a brat a lot of the time bc he is who he is but also trying so hard to be good. be cooperative. be a team player. Work Hard Enough.

so you get into the actual training of it, right. they're working together one on one, and roy is pushing him. hard. and i looked at that and went. okay this is supposed to be humorous but also what if we took it seriously. what if roy pushed him TOO hard and jamie just let him because he’d do basically whatever roy told him to and thinks he’s supposed to shut up and not whine and Be Good. and this somehow ends up pushing jamie so hard he’s just completely exhausted or hurt somehow and roy is absolutely horrified by this. and is like NOPE i cant do this i shouldn’t be doing this and doesn’t really communicate to jamie why he’s calling it off. he just does it. so jamie thinks he’s done something wrong and roy thinks he’s protecting jamie by (freaking out and) walking away and it’s a MESS they gotta sort out.

somewhere in there there's a thing with roy and the coaches or the diamond dogs as a whole, right. after he's walked away from training jamie one on one and their relationship is extremely strained bc roy is spiralling beyond proportion like Oh Fuck, Oh Gd, I Was Ruining Him, I Was Hurting Him and jamie is like He's Done With Me He Don't Want Fuck-All To Do With Me. so things are... weird. they're not really talking. they're both upset and hating it. but roy sort of. he doesn't stop coaching jamie again at all, but he does sort of. he pulls back. he goes stiff and distant and doesn't engage. he doesn't ice him out like in s2 but he's not. there. either.

and so they're talking and he's like. (in his mind the training is like. paused. they're Taking A Break.) but he's like. i need to talk to you about jamie. and the others are like... yeah, sure seems like it! and roy just admits. i don’t know how to train him. what i know how to do isn’t working. what worked on me isn’t working (ted/beard/someone voice maybe it perhaps Didn’t Work On You in a good way, but-) so What Do I Do.

which gives ted the opportunity to pay it forward with some advice and just - positive reinforcement. maybe try approaching this differently. he’s destroying himself trying to make you happy, make you proud, do good in your eyes. he idolizes you, not sure how AWARE of that you are, but he does. still. maybe try using that - tell him what he’s doing right.

(and that's the fuck of it all right is like. there's this part of roy that's been wondering if he's a bad coach for the opposite reason, too. he's been wondering if he's been too soft on jamie, and maybe that was the problem. it was something that was gnawing at him, before jamie worked himself sick/hurt and he realized his approach was massively backfiring, that like... maybe he was a bad coach because he couldn't be harsh enough. but he couldn't just. he couldn't stomach being like the coaches he'd had, he just couldn't do it. and then that happened, and obviously that wasn't it, but it was in there somewhere)

but so he talks a bit about that there, like, it comes up somehow - the coaches he had when he was young. when he was a kid and when he was coming up. he talks about how he was trained and they’re like right okay sure and how do you feel about those coaches now? how did they make you feel about yourself? is that how you want jamie to feel about you? is that how you want to know he feels when you talk to him?

he doesn't. he doesn't want jamie to feel like that about him, to feel like that when looking at him. because roy respected those coaches and wanted them to be impressed with him but he was afraid of them too. and he never thought for a minute that he ever lived up to their expectations. and fuck, gd, he never, ever wants that for jamie.

and that's the point ted and beard and company sort of gently make to him too like.

and so it's like. he trusts you. he looks up to you. he'd do anything you asked him to. that's good, that helps, but it means you gotta be careful too, y'know?

so he has to figure out a new approach. and it's like. roy doesn't need a personality transplant, don't get me wrong. he's never gonna be ted and he doesn't need to be. that's not the goal here. it's about figuring out how to be tough without being mean, right? and maybe a little about figuring out how to let himself soften.

(especially since half the time it’s his own younger self he’s hollering at imo. and so treating jamie better sort of asks him to realize he should’ve been treated better too. Be Kinder To Him And In Doing So Give Your Own 24 Year Old Self Some Gentleness And Grace.)

so roy offers to resume training with him after some other stuff happens etc, this is the part i have less thought through lmao.

(there's a subplot also with isaac and captain stuff and figuring out there's something up with jamie and not knowing what and trying to piece it together. love that too.)

and there's a scene in the end, right, where we get this whole... they've sorted things out, they're resuming training again, roy has extracted a promise from jamie to Speak The Fuck Up if things aren't going well, and he's promised to be less of a hardass generally, and then there's a bit where he like. apologizes for ever having been that hard on jamie in the first place and not thinking about whether that was the right approach.

and jamie just... he shrugs. he's not affected by this. "gotta make sure i don’t go soft, yeah?" and roy is like. no. absolutely not. stop right there.

which is when roy then makes the very specific point that like. when they talk about jamie’s performance on the pitch and how he should approach it sometimes he needs to be a prick, and he needs to worry about being permissive or passive or whatever else, but even if they have to bust out a thesaurus they will not be referring to him as soft. we will not be using that language here. do you understand me?

which... jamie. doesn't, really. he's like ??? and tries to brush it off at first like pshh that’s just the same thing “don’t want to be noncommittal or passive on the pitch ain’t that just the same thing as soft just more letters” and roy is like no. no it’s not. there’s implications in- in calling someone soft that there ain’t in there, and even if it is, so what. that’s a word that’s been used to hurt you. right? and jamie’s just kinda sullenly silent and roy goes right. which is why im not fucking using it. that’s the fucking point im trying to make here. if i can help it im not gonna fucking hurt you because i really don’t want to.

which y'know. is a lot. it's a lot for both of them. but they figure it out.

i’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while tbh but keep being like no that’s excessive- that’s dramatic- whatever this arc is gonna turn into it doesn’t NEED to turn into an angsty character/dynamic study- but honestly who cares. why not have fun with it. why not get into some of the vast unexplored potential here. maybe one day i will.

[xxsweetoothxx]

Hello! How about some Minerva/Alex Kage lore? (I love their design, they look cool as fuck by the way)

like what are some things they like, (hobbies, interests) or what are their powers? How did they become a killer? Or more specifically why a klown themed killer? What are their relationships like with the others, like: Jeff, Wilson, Ragz, Domi, etc? (I don’t know if any of this was already answered or not, I couldn’t find anything in my deep dive, sorry if I’m making you repeat shit you already explained)

Nah, you're good I don't think I've ever really talked much about Minerva/Mono but I can for sure answer this stuff!

Minerva is a fun character because shes one I made when I was like 14-15 and was so badly written but also for the revamp of PM I wanted to kinda keep her story close to how it was back then so I will say a heads up her story is very much 15 year old me branded and I mostly just tried to fill in gaps to make it at the least make a bit more sense but it still is like kinda shit and I love that about her.

As far as interest and Hobbies go she's big into sports. Specifically Baseball is her favorite as well as boxing. She likes clowns that is part of why she is clown themed. She's also got interest in voodoo as she did grow up learning about it since her Ganmother Seraphine practiced it.

She's got a major sweet tooth as well and if she sees anything sweet she WILL eat it. Drinks WAAAAAAY too much root beer.

What are her relationships with the others?

Jeff - Initially she did hate Jeff quite a lot as he kinda did slit her throat when he first met her and then claimed it was because he panicked because SHE scared HIM. They do eventually end up developing a friendship.

Wilson - Wilson and Minerva get along well enough however should NEVER be left alone with each other as they WILL end up doing some shit that is just dumb as fuck and could potentially be destructive or dangerous for them and those around them. Her Jeff and Wilson all end up developing a pretty strong friend group and do just be beating the shit out of each other for fun.

Ragz - Ragz Is a bit complex because outside of clown training Minerva does actually like Ragz but can't stand their ass when it comes to learning clown shit.

Domi - fun fact! Domi and Minerva are siblings Domis mom and Minervas father end up dating at some point. Domi and Minerva already had a sorta sibling relationship before this so they're just happy for them. They also did form the 3 ring together.

Now the OTHER QUESTIONS I'ma just drop lore on the backstory under the cut because it's long and requires a lot of info on the backstory to understand.

So For the vast majority of her life up until meeting Slenderman, Minerva was under the impression she was a human named Alexandria Kage and was Raised by a woman who she THOUGHT was her biological grandmother named Seraphine. The reality of it was that she wasn't a human like at all and she wasn't even biologically related to her. She started going by Minerva after getting to the underworld and meeting her Father who told her that was the name he intended to give her before her "Mother" (Seraphine) left him and took Minnie with her. Her Father and Seraphine were a couple and at one point wanted to start a family however him being a Shade and her being human they couldn't biologically have a child together. However the decided to go the route of making a nightmare which is essentially a human spirit that's consumed by a Shade and reborn as a Nightmare (think of them kinda like sleep paralysis demons. They create nightmares and feed of fear and when someone experiences sleep paralysis these are the "demons" they might see). At first things were fine but once Minerva got older to where it was time that she started actually doing nightmare shit Seraphine didn't like the idea of her living by taking advantage of peoples fears and in some cases trauma. She saw it as just morally fucked up (which for a human 100% would be fucked up to take advantage of someone's fears insecurities and trauma) They basically got into a disagreement as it was essentially that Minerva start learning about her abilities and just what she is at a young age so when she's an adult she doesn't struggle with them. Seraphine who started to dabbled in magic not long after meeting him didn't think she ever needed to because they had a means to disguise her as a human and for her to live a normal human life. It kinda at that point ended up being a disagreement over how Minerva should be aware of what she is rather than keeping that a secret from her for the rest of her life. Seraphine decided to just up and leave with her and basically raised Minerva in the road so not to be found by Minnies father. Because of how nightmares age however by the time Minerva was in her mid 20s Seraphine was old as hell. And by that point they had settled in New Orleans. Fast forward to about a month before the start of PM and Seraphine passes away which Minerva takes hard as she was her only family. But with Seraphine gone there wasn't anyone to continue to do the spell that disguised Minerva as a human so her nightmare qualities started to slowly show as the spell was wearing off. It caused people to fear her simply because Nightmares just unsettle humans by being around them. It caused her to lose the relationships she had formed, her job, and eventually she was essentially completely alone. But once these things started to show it made it easier for her to track down and that's when Slenderman found her. He knew her father so a Proxy was sent to go and bring Minerva back. However they didn't really think through that Jeff is a human so it kinda went south quick resulting in Minervas "Death" as far as local authorities knew. She was pronounced dead. She stayed in the underworld because not only did she just find out her whole life was a lie she did need to learn to use her abilities and how to survive. Not only that she'd never be able to have a normal life among humans so best she could do is try and have one on the underworld. She works for Slenderman specifically so she can have a well paying job and get on her feet as she didn't want to just rely on her dad as she didn't have a relationship with him and it just felt strange to her to do it.

[gday-gecko]

so i finished tgr. that was. something. here's my review :) (spoilerss)

Well.

It was a bit slow-going. Mostly because I hadn't re-read the 1st one and this didn't seem to do the "road so far" kind of thing. (The amount of deaths in this book was very Supernatural-esque, though. I thought we were maybe moving away from the mafia, but nevermind apparently.)

I really like how Jean actually starts to trust Jeremy and Cat and Laila, and even his team a bit. Oh my god, they're so sweet. (And Jeremy is about as subtle as a heartache.)

“Does that really matter?” Jeremy asked, studying Jean with a stare that felt prying. “I’m not learning French for anyone but you.”

That first game was INSANE. The "Have a winning day!" and the way he pulls Cat out of the way when the guy starts a fight. Hinch was foulllllll. Also. Excuse me, Jean. What do you MEAN you hit yourself in the shin to chase after that guy when he got around you. What.

“You were incredible out there. I know everyone else will say the same at the post-match roundup, but I wanted to say it first. And I know you’re only going to get better from here, because I know you’re still second-guessing this new style. I can’t wait to see how far you can go this season.”

Aw, Jeremy <3

First Jean is beat up on court and blablabla, you know the drill, and then he's subbed off and bullied and beat up AGAIN???? WHAT THE HELL?? Thank you Coach Rhemann for saving the day. And Jean's subsequent breakdown. :(

Anyone learning stuff about the Ravens will never not be funny (even if it's awful, it's really great to see people realising how fucked up they are).

ANYWAY THE FOXES-RAVENS GAME??? I WAS AT THE BUS STOP. I WAS GOING TO DIE. NEIL??? ARE YOU OKAY?? THAT WAS UNHINGED. HOLY MOLY GUACAMOLE

It didn’t matter how many laps he ran with his team; every time he blinked, he saw Neil broken and still on the court floor.

...At least they got disqualified?

Jesus Christ they cannot get enough. I was actually about to cry when they set the house on fire. Laila's first proper home? All Jean's stuff that he'd slowly started to collect. BARKBARK?????? I'm happy we got to see Agent Browning though, he's funny.

“I hate this sport,” Browning said to his partner. “Explain to me why they’re all like this.”

Thea also!!!!

I'm glad we got to learn more about Jeremy. Wow, his family sucks. Poor Noah. :( And Elodie as alive!??!?!

DOG!!! THEY GOT A DOG!!!!! I WAS ABOUT TO CRY THEN TOO!!!! DOGGGGGGGGGGGG

“My coworkers and I had an informal bet that Moreau would get in at least one brawl. I thought for sure we would see the Trojans’ first red card.”

That reporter had me giggling.

Pfft, chaos? Never heard of her. I can't wait for the next book <3

(copied from my storygraph review)

i need to go see whats up on ao3 ;)