#“i am not homophobic because i have a gay friend” looking ahh

[childrenofcain-if]

You misunderstood me, I'm not homophobic or slutshaming anybody. I am going with Dumitru for my first route and C and V are female in that route.

I am just saying that it is uncomfortable, didn't think there was anything wrong with that

ain’t no fucking way 💀

[harukirai]

Queer history of Final Fantasy

I am replaying all the old final fantasies(mostly psp psone releases), first time with english localization and not the original jp.

Now i get it.

It all make sense now.

I couldn't understand the wave of "why shove the gays in our face" backlash of 16(even though, the non homophobic felt it was lacking since they didn't want to 'push it in yall face'). Like apperantly moat of the implication or straight up fruity moments in the old game was completely removed, or changed to the point of it being a 'silly thing'.

So lets clarify -

*Cecil(iv), your homeboy- an Non-binary (language is the best indication, but yeah i think it was a decision made for both female and male players to be able to relate to them, but yeah funny outcome non the less)

*Bartz(v)- outright bisexual, they didnt even hide it- next person on this list gonna make it make sense.

*faris(v)- an ftm transgender( at least in the original version, i know in some new iterations they scrapped the whole concept, but left it in in others?)- mainly speak about himself with (ore/boku- which is conventionally usally by male speakers), after finding out soem of the cast either use a female pronounce on him, but bartz constantly either avoid it or use male pronounce(or the nonbinary version which is usually reffered to kidz) but yeah, bartz was crushing on faris where he thought he was a cis male and unlike the other guy didnt shy away.

Lets jump a bit to 8-

Irvine(viii)- even though considered very handsome to the point he could get with any girl hed want, was even flirted with by selphie i think i need to remember, but he usually brush it off.

If anything he is either asexual, or gay(its very subtle, but its what called queer coding, and well see that allot from now on cause japan caught up to westerns norm on media)

Quina Quen (ix)- literally, a nonbinary- but i think they kept it in eng as well cause they are not human, but like black mages they have no sex, but unlike black mages they are 'genderless' and dont care for human norms.

Kuja(ix)- either gay/intersex/both.

Look at him.

Seriously that character confused a whole generation sexuality.

Like sephiroth, but unlike sephiroth he also have effeminate mannerisms, and until it was revealed by text it wasnt so obvious.sephiroth in jp have a confusing language because he himself is possed by jenova, so evem though i love this headcanon, sephiroth isnt trans actually.

Auron(x)- ahh yes, your favourite broody guy and probably where im gonna get tons of hate.

Auron is very subtle, but once you notice it its hard to deny.

I think Auron is gay, unlike jecht or braska- he did not have kids, denied arranged marriage, and followed jecht to dream zanarken just to save jecht only son- it was pretty obvious that auron loved jecht. He also loved braska but not as much, and it shows- that for auron it was more than friendship. You can see it with his attitude towards yuna vs tidus- with yuna he is nicer, politer. Liem you act when you babysit your friends /cousins child.

But to tidus, he is a full father figure.In their journey together they grow, and i think if he wasnt the boy of the man he loved he wouldn't treat tidus as his own. With all the scoldinngs in mind.

Paine(X-2)- qlmost forgot her, but yeah she's pretty gay for riku

I dont remember much though because if the mission structure of the game.

Larsa(xii) - ohh i see you boy, i see u. He is sus as hell. He is a kid so its pretty innocent(and relatable to us queer kidz)

Its pretty obvios that he is crushing on basch, innocently though. I know some ppl who shipped him with penelo, but canonically by spinoffs at least she and vann are an item.

Also they made sure it was obvious cause japan have this thing that a young character is crushing on a teacher,mentor , older characters in general(aka cc sakura- her friend crushing on a teacher, syaoran & sakura crushing on yukito, also happens in tons of pop culture media at that time, so im not surprised, but im happy this time its one sided, THANK GOD)

But yeah if you reached the ending its pretty obvious.

Fang & vanille(xiii)- the first lesbians couple! Terra(VI) was supposed to be the first but they were afraid it will make her less marketable so they scrapped her gf. They made them clear, but at the same time they tried to make sure pple wont be fetishizing them(they tried, at least).

I want to explain their story more but i think ill mess it up since i tend to mix up 13's lacie, falcie and all that jazz.

So ill just say that basically there are 2 world in 13, pulse and cacoon. Pulse is basically earth and cacoon is the moon. There is a god for each world called a falcie.

Few of them but ine for each major ones. Our main gand from cacoon, branded by a falcie to be slaves(lacie) vanille and fang are from pulse, and slaves of pulse lacie, so basically they are with the task of creating Ragnarok which is like the end of time and but limw they dont know cause the gods in this game is like 'yeah imma give you a mission but wont tell you beside weird non undersandable feaver dream and you need to figure out and fast or youll become this universe version of zombie, and if you do complete it you become a ceystal living forever but like, sleeping beauty style. So lose lose situation.

The focus of them both is different from the gang, caus the falcie of cacoon is evil so he gove them focus destroying cocoon while if fang& vannile mannaged to ruin that falcie and bring ragnarok theyll become a crystal, and they used it to save coccon from falling and crushing killing all the people in it, basically became a pillar in eternal sleep when they hheld each other.

But they are saved in later game only to... Lightning return which we wont talk about cause i hate timers.

I love the story of xiii, big part of it is vanille & fang, i havent played in english yet, but i will say, their story is one of the more meaningful on this list, very well developed and i will do it disservice if id try to explain it in few sentences - so do yourself a favour and play or watch the playthrough.

Ignis& gladio(xv)- here is when localization ruimed it. I know cause i palyed on jp dub with eng sub and heard the differences live- first of all gladio and ignis are completely different in jp, as individuals and as a pair- they were supposed to be the first dion& terrence moment, but it got scrapped and they went the vannile& fang route, only that bec they are men, the localization team missed the mark.

Gladio got pissed at noctis in the train because of ignis.

In jp its clear their bond is beyond friends, and not mention the fact that their AI is always stuck together, and that gladio isnt a womenizer in jp at all, and there is no fiancee/girlfriend.

In jp he said suggested there is someone he wants to be with but bec of the state of the world and them both being constantly in the battlefront he couldnt ask.

(and ignis clear his throat when everyone is like oh great, very subtle but it was leading to that)

Every stop of the train or erea post blindness gladio was with ignis not leaving him .

Also tabata san also said that they are more than friends. So there's that too.

But its no secret 15 localization is tereible, the massacared prompto, he is so cringy in english, in jp yeah he is funny but like he says more stuff then random pop colture references, he breaks the 4th wall occasionally but not on the same level of the localization. Also, jp noctis is a little shit because he can and will, in localization he is more relatable while ignos and gladio are kimda mean. In jp its the other way around and up until chap 13 (when he is alone) noctis is a bratt. He has some moments when he is nicer, but when struggle shows he is a bratt about it- and its done purposely since he is a spoiled pronce who never done anything alone in his life.

Thats why in chap 13 he has a change of heart, because he was alone and learned to appriciate his friends when he was stuck alone in the dark with no weapons and i think it was a good call storytelling wise, but yeah the english localzation ruined it and made the whole chapter pointless .

Those are the implied/canon gays of final fantasy up to 15(we got a kiss so its obvious).

The series has always been kinda Fruity and i know some of yall will be like, 'but there's no proof'. Well, japanese speakers(who arent homophobic at least) will agree with me that we tend in media that is not specified like BL or GL to make things subtle. So what in the west is called 'queer coding' is very common in japanese media and it comes in way more shape and forms.usually implied with a desper conncetion relationship or linguistics.its funny cause in the 80's and very early 90's gay pple wasnt hidden in jp pop culture (no kisses or anything but it was straight out told to the viewer/player)

And only later 90's there was a trend of removing us completely from the media, but around that time a specific genre was created so it wasn't out completely.(like yaoi/yuri as erotic mangas existed aince the 80's but usually only love stories or main gay characters were mixed in with the straight media, kimda like what netflix does today, but around 96, 97 the shounen ai and shoujo ai genres rose in popularity(mainly cause of clamp) and things got seperated. In games- because it became a bigger deal in the west square took caution with how clear they gonna make stiff not to piss of the christians after the backlash of Pokemon (idk how it was really but through japanese media and news it seemed at the times that the american patents were pissed so game companies started sensoring their games from all things might piss off christians/monotheistics ).

*also i dont live in japan but i am mixed so i grew in a jp speaking house and family from there always sent games on holidays and birthdays+nhk was always running in the backround to check on the motherland😂

[voidstilesplease]

Patrivan Drives Me Nuts, And Here's Why: Part 9

S5E6: Can't Buy My Love [prev, first]

->Because Ivan Is A Raging Patrick-sexual (And So Is His Dad)

Whew! It has been a while, hasn't it? But, well, life happened and all. But now that Season 6 comes out in less than a week, I figured I should continue this little series. Hitting two birds with one stone by rewatching the latter episodes of S5. It's starting to feel like a preparation for the next season.

Anyway, let's talk about the first third of Episode 6: THE DINNER.

But before we go to the actual dinner scene between Ivan and Cruz, let's backtrack a bit to Ivan and Ari's conversation by the dock.

So, she's crying, right? She just came to see Samu, and it didn't really go well, now, did it? But, yes, Ivan sees her and being the good lad he is, offers her his companionship. They talk about Samu and how Ari feels guilty for hurting him (ahem, cheating on him) and not having the ability to help. Ivan, being the sweet guy he is, sympathizes with Ari (even though he did actively help her cheat on her boyfriend), especially after she confirms that she loves Samu so much she won't ever want to be away from him when he gets out.

Now, Ivan supposedly likes Ari, right? But he's also an understanding, supportive, gentle person that even though the girl he 'likes' is talking about how much she loves her boyfriend, he sits through it, smiles at her, and even offers to help her get the bail money for her boyfriend from his football superstar dad.

I don't normally like editing anything with Ari in it (I can't stand her), but this one is important. I'm going to use this again as a comparison in a future post for the third part of Episode 6. But for now, just look at how darling Ivan is. "Because if you're happy, Ari, then I am too." Ahh *happy sigh* Sounds like a dream boy everyone would be gushing about to their best friend - handsome, patient, kindhearted, and puts others' feelings before his own. There's no jealousy in the way he says it at all, just compassion. And for this, I commend Ivan. (But the flip side of this? Is even better. I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT THAT.)

Right. So onto the dinner with his dad. Cruz makes small talk, urging Ivan to share his thoughts, and Ivan obligingly admits that yes, everything is great and that he's happy with what's been going in his life at the moment.

Cruz immediately perks up at the positive response and starts poking Ivan for information. "How come? Huh? Huh?" And I bet he immediately regrets his decision when he hears what Ivan reveals next:

There's also a wonderful gifset of this scene by @andrelamoglia that you can find here and it's just *chef's kiss*

Ivan's smile recedes pretty quickly following the question "Really? Who is she?". Like, 'Oh, right. It's supposed to be a she, isn't it?'. But he soldiers on. It's the perfect opportunity to come out and confess his newly-accepted sexuality to his dad. After all, his dad is one of the cool ones, right? Who doesn't have a problem with homosexuality, and even hangs out with gay people in his parties. Surely, it won't be a big deal if his son isn't 100% straight?

Of course, Cruz doesn't have a problem with Ivan being less than 100% straight, that much is for sure. But why is his reaction much like he's horrified to be hearing this conversation at all? Well, my friends, it's because of THIS:

Because OF COURSE, it's Patrick. Cruz has connected it inside his head during Ivan's silence but he doesn't want to process it. But who else could it be? Cruz's expression is like a mix of denial, disbelief, and horror in the entirety of this confession that it's a little bit funny, but not for homophobic reasons, like some would say.

I mean, do any of you think Cruz would look progressively panicked by the second if Ivan were talking about literally any other boy apart from Patrick? I don't think so. Their table is very Patrick-charged from both father and son it's hilarious.

AND when Ivan mentions being with Patrick at home, Cruz immediately understands that it's on the same night Patrick failed to show up to his room. And he's also likely connected it to when they spoke in Las Encinas and Patrick rejected Cruz with an excuse that he wasn't in the right headspace for any further relationship (sexual or otherwise) with him, and that it was also risky for Cruz's career. He likely realized that it wasn't really because of the things Patrick said, but because he was getting it on with his son Ivan. And it's not sitting with him well for selfish reasons. It's actually a little awkward watching the scene knowing exactly why Cruz is reacting this way. Because he's kinda shitty, hugely jealous, and completely lusting after Patrick. Just - the look on his face, you know?

Can't blame him but still. The nerve of this guy to try and convince his son to focus on Ari and forget Patrick BECAUSE HE WANTS HIM FOR HIMSELF is shocking. Truly. Like holy crap level. But damn if it isn't brilliantly messy. (I've been saying this a lot, but I'll say it again. I'm not as wholly opposed to Cruz's involvement with Patrick as I am with Ari and Ivan. Just because.)

But back to Ivan and the title of this post, Ivan not only confesses that he is not as 100% heterosexual as he previously believed, but also that his attraction to males is very singular and specific. Tall, brunette, green eyes to die for, confidence bigger than Las Encinas, ass 'better than most girls', makes his world right again, fits into his life like a missing puzzle piece.

Now. I can't blame Ivan for getting upset when Cruz insists for him to go after Ari. Even though he just literally told him that she has a boyfriend. Even though the way he described his 'feelings' for Ari is a far cry from how he described his feelings for Patrick. Even though the way he said "I feel great when I'm with him" should have been a dead giveaway that there's no point pursuing Ari because she's not the one making him feel the great things.

No, I can't blame Ivan for walking out of there thinking Cruz is pushing him to Ari because he can't accept his sexuality. It is a really disappointing reaction after such a confession, yes? But we all know how Ivan's going to be even more upset when he finds out the real reason his father wants him to chase after Ari.

And let's talk about that in the next post!

(Y'all, the pink party, dude. DUDE. "You bid for him so that I wouldn't win?" OHHHH, the absolute drama. I can't wait.)

[opabiniawillreturn]

Hi. I need help, I would post this on my regular blog but she always ends up finding shit and getting mad about it and hurting herself with it so. My friend has a crush on me and I feel really really disgusted and betrayed and violated. This isn't the first time shes done this, there was a period a few years ago where she told me she had a crush on me and would look through all of my shit(diaries, my phone, my room, etc)and I felt so gross and now it's happening again. She's so unstable and I lowkey want to stop being her friend but I can't say anything to her or else she'll go off the rails and hurt herself. I'm a girl too and I'm definitely not gay. I just don't know if this repulsion is coming out of a place of homophobia or if my reaction is irrational. I'm really torn, I don't know what to do. And I'll be in even more shit because she's a terf too so she might find this as well! Ahh I'm sorry please ignore if it's too much. I can't post this on reddit either because she follows all the same subreddits. I don't feel alone in my mind anymore she is everywhere and I am so angry.

I can't speak on if this is coming from a place of homophobia just from the details you've given me. if you're disgusted and violated because she's a girl who likes you, yes that's homophobic. but considering she's going through your shit and invading your privacy, you have a right to feel that way (not homophobic, but violated). I was never good with friend breakups so idk how to help you with that part I'm sorry :(

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

first day of school, 2021

keep scrolling, this is just a mental note for future reference! hope you’re havin a good day tho!! :) 

i’m the only girl in my animation class and at first i thought these boys were fine but there’s these three jackasses that were talking so loud no one could hear our teacher. she’d already asked them to be quiet multiple times but they didn’t give a shit, which honestly isn’t fair on any of us that wanted to learn and pass the class. she said we don’t have to catch up for homework but i got pretty much no work done thanks to those dipshits so i’ll do it all over the weekend. anyway, as kid who answers all the questions and completes extension work ™️, i always tell people to ‘shhh’ - it’s like my superpower in a way. and they listen because they can tell i’m mad, which isn’t like me cause i repress all emotion and am just the quiet serious depressed kid ™️ most of the time. so i get so pissed i shhhh these boys, not even making eye contact because they don’t deserve any of my attention - then harvey turned looked over his shoulder to face me, silently signalling it was a bad idea. hamish had the AUDACITY to say “what’s up, bitch.” i gave them a look™️ - everyone watched and heard and a bunch of them laughed and i was super uncomfortable for the rest of the lesson and had an anxiety attack which went through into next period. it wasn’t that bad thankfully, but i was really jumpy and fidgety and freaking out. 

after school we had a picnic and CALLUM came and it was great. there was this pretty girl smoking staring and me and it was h o t 😳but i left to go buy some food and shit and when i came back she was gone : ( also i turned around and these girls looked like they were about to kiss like girl a was holding girl b’s face and everything but girl a saw me staring and they ran off holding hands. i’m pretty sure i looked like i was being homophobic like i’m so sorry, i wasn’t gonna watch them kiss i just turned around at the wrong time and ahh- i’m gay too man ! 

anyway this gang of like 7/8th graders came towards us - we were literally having a PICNIC, MINDING OUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS and this blonde little bitch comes over and says “can i join? what is this-” he laughed, “like a-” and he made a weird face which basically meant we were losers. i’m not surprised but i was ready to get into a fight. forget being the quiet kid™️, i was fucking ready. then he has the actually, again, AUDACITY, to say to callum- “are you in mean girls?”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” callum said sassily (we love & respect)

“that you’re like-”

“like what?” 

“an actor?”

bullshit. callum and i both knew he was calling him gay, which he is and so am i so obviously i’m not being homophobic but i still find it offensive when people categorise people and use lgbt+ labels as insults. his buddies started to come over. they thought they were such gangsters with those fucking ugly ass mullets. i’m sorry, only gay girls can pull a mullet off ! i’m just sayin ! 

then him and his friends tried taking food from jodhi (my other friend) and were stepping on our bags with our COMPUTERS in them and i was fucking pissed so after they said “can i have some?” for the 50th time when jodhi had responded no - all of my friends were uncomfortable - i stood up.

“she said no.” 

he continued going on and on.

“she said no.”

consent is always important in every situation, what can i say. then i stepped forward, pushing him and his buddies further away from my friends - not physically but it forced them to back off. 

“look- you’re not intimidating. you’re not intimidating. we don’t want you here. just leave.” they started calling as rude and whining, pretending to cry almost. i rolled my eyes, my voice sharp, loud and clear. 

“just leave.” callum backed me up and after they whined a bit about how mean we were and shit they left, ran off laughing. dipshits. i’m proud of the way i acted, i wish i would’ve done more. 

but actually today was amazing. classes were all good. i’ve been up since 5am. i made a salad roll for breakfast and everything went mostly smoothly. chloe and i also talked about being gay and about her girlfriend which was so cool. i like actually talking about being gay with people. the few gay friends i have have all been fully out to everyone since they were like 13 so they’ve all got girlfriends/boyfriends and i’m just the sad gay who cries because i’m lonely ;^; but it’s fine : ,  )

a n y wa y ,,,,, yeagh,. that’d the unusual tea of the day *sipppp*

also had an anxiety attack at the same supermarket as always - like it never goes smoothly, i had to get chloe to put the fucking money in the self serve machine because i couldn’t get it in, it was too crinkled and i was sshaking wanting to get out of there SO bad and the employee was like “you right there? is it not going in?” so naturally i was like “no, no it isn’t?” and my voice was shaky and everything and he just laughs - not like with me - but at me. which helps. a l ot . and then he walked off- the FucK. but chloe helped me tHanK fuCk. jesus.

also omg eloise has this shirtless harry styles sticker on her laptop and chloe and i were laughing at them to ourselves the entire lesson because every time we looked up we just saw this man and we’re gay so it’s like aqhgbiui3qwhigo23 lmao  

yeeah

i’ll actually journal this later ^^

boiii 

[pairup-squareup]

why r u ep 3 thoughts

gripes!

It hasn’t gotten worse but god I hope we are swiftly moving past the exaggerated over the top comedy fear of being gay. I think we are, but I need it to lighten up on that angle.

very poor directors choice to have Sun creepily watch a passed out Hwahwa. It’s not his character at all, it was clearly not intended, but the image of a dude who has feelings for a person moving slowly closer to them as they are unconscious from alcohol is incredibly predatory.

i do not at all believe that was the intent, but it made me wince.

i will note the pacing in this ep was the best it’s been. there was still some extraneous stuff we didn’t need, but its definitely tightened up.

CONTENT!!!

finally i am getting a hold of fighter and tutor. I’ve got a handle on their characters now. Fighter is bad at everything emotional, and can’t stop escalating instead of pausing and taking a breath. Also, monumentally bad at self reflection.

Tutor? He’s a bit of a bastard, honestly. You get thrown off by Saint’s sweet angel face, but the actual character is fast tempered, and kind of a dick. This is not a bad thing. This makes this combo more interesting to me. I’m not into extreme bully/victim stuff, I need people to be able to stand their ground, or for the bullying to be pigtail pulling, to be a failure of communication of intent, not cruelty.

It feels like, and I may be wrong, but it looks like Fighter hasn’t intentionally gone into a relationship with Hwahwa to use her as a beard. He’s just a reactive dude who wants intimacy with Tutor but doesn’t understand why. A fool, but not a malicious one.

His and Tutor’s kiss scene made me want to start a brawl, lmao. 

Fighter: *kisses Tutor aggressively, without consent*

Me: siiigh, but i understand its a trope

Fighter, with an implied threat: Don’t tell anyone about this

Me: :|

Tutor: * calls Fighter/liking men abnormal, suggests he will out Fighter*

Me: ahh, I see you are also a motherfucker

but throughout this episode, we see Tutor coming to the actual realisation of what is motivating Fighter’s truly weird behaviour, even if Fighter himself hasn’t come to grips with it.

As i was saying to @bloubliette I can get behind bastard idiot/bastard with the capacity for thought and reflection. 

Their end scene was cute, especially Tutor looking at Fighter and having a Kanye moment.

“I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle” 

but instead of a water bottle it’s Fighter.

 Saifah and Zon! My boys!

Love that we got to see more of Saifah this week, his character outside of his flirting and being gleefully irritating towards Zon.

He’s just a big puppy. Maybe because the actual actor is baby, he’s 19 (and still growing wtf the absolute size of this boy??) and it’s his first role, but they aren’t making him stretch beyond a more low key natural character, and it’s absolutely a good thing. He’s so goofy, and harmless. Even though the characters are the same age, Tutor was sort of herding him about. It’s cute. He’s lovely.

Again, I don’t feel any malice from him, and that changes everything about this story. Unlike Fighter, who is in a hell of his own making, Saifah isn’t stressed by why he likes getting reactions from Zon, why it makes him happy. And he immediately catches a fuckin clue. Smart puppy.

Zon. My heart. My dear. He’s so good. He is a comedic treasure. His expressions, his comic timing. Love a short boy going through a sexuality crisis in the dumbest way possible. Cannot wait for him and Saifah to start collaborating.

Even though there was as much extra cast as last time, I feel like they made them work much better then the past two episodes. Scenes didn’t feel crowded.

god this is a fucking novel. Alright, plus and minuses

+ zon getting bullied by his friends into doing the song. it made me laugh a lot. shouting high insoles at him? magic. brutal. also of note was him standing while everyone else hunched over or sat so he was tallest.

- homophobic moments with tutor lmao. i hope its a mistranslation but there’s a difference for me between the comedy bl panic and calling liking men ‘abnormal’. it probably won’t happen again, i take comfort in that

+(ish) look at least zol is asking people if they can be in her RPF, and blue was very enthusiastic

- immediately afterwards she is committing BL crimes. its half a step forward, a kilometre back with the RPF novel writing

+ there was this beautiful moment where Saifah looked almost afraid and said “you fall down easily” about Zon, after he caught him. Fear for his wellbeing? Potential jealousy that Zon could be someone elses? Self reflection? I don’t know what it is, but oddly it was the moment of the episode for me.

+ look i liked the dumbass bathroom mistaken sex bit and I won’t apologise. It was stupid and it made me laugh

- boners and the bare inkling of gay awakening aside, uncool of saifah to be like, i will dooo moooore while naked, and Zon feels trapped. i get it, i know the intent behind it, I know it wasn’t a threat, but its because their dynamic is loud Pomerianian has a Golden Retriever puppy fall in love with it, that it unsettled me.

- Sun better pick up his game, and Fighter better be more honest, because HwaHwa is a good kid, who just wants her bff and the boy she likes to get along, and instead she’s being fucked over.

Most coherent episode so far, character development, and the plot moves on, not too fast, or too slow. Almost despite myself, I like this show. It was satisfying. I hope they have more cameos though, I loved those.

[axelsagewrites]

Picnic Date*Alec Lightwood

Ship(s): Alec X male!reader

Request: Via Wattpad

Warnings: Homophobic slurs and hate speech

Gay = Okay Happy pride month! And remember shade never made anyone less gay.

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Call it cliché but Central Park was Alec and my favourite picnic spot. It was nice to escape the shadow world and its judgment of a gay couple. The love doesn’t disappear when theirs not a girl in the relationship. It had started to become more acceptable in the shadow world but with Alec potentially becoming the head of the New York institute when he was older, we didn’t want to risk it. Sure no one would say anything, but the stares got annoying. The sideways glances, the eye rolls, the small scoffs, and patronising attitudes. Some meant well but that doesn’t mean they understood. Sometimes the mundane world was more civilised. So, we packed up a picnic basket and started walking to central park, hand in hand, without being too worried. We’d never dealt with openly homophobic mundane so why wouldn’t we? It was natural to hold my boyfriend’s hand. We got to the park and picked a spot under a tree. A playground was a small distance away, but we could barely hear the laughter and squealing so we figured it would be fine. Plus, there was an ice cream van in between the play park and us so all the better. As I laid out the blanket and began to unpack Alec checked his wallet, “I’m going to grab us a couple ice creams,” he said which made me beam. A dopey smile formed on his face, the one I fell in love with. “(Y/F) right?” I nodded, “Be two minutes,” Alec pecked my cheek before getting up and heading for the van. I knew he wouldn’t be two minutes. It was June in New York next to a play park on a Saturday. I took the time to set everything up. When it was all set up, taking extra time for it to look cute, I was quite proud. We’d covered every basis with fruits, sandwiches, pastries, and juice.  It was Pinterest level stuff. When I heard footsteps I looked up, smiling ear to ear, expecting Alec. Despite the sun glaring into my eyes I knew it wasn’t Alec by the build of the person. Alec was a tall, physically fit, male while what stood in front of me was an older woman who couldn’t have been touching 5’2. “Can I help you?” “Yes,” she spoke sharply but with a smile, I didn’t trust, “You see my family planned to go to the park for a picnic, but we normally sit here so…” When she didn’t finish her sentence, I felt the same dread I felt when I was on a mission. With squinted eyes and a confused tone, I replied, “You want me to move...?” “Yes, that would be wonderful,” she was about to sit down, and I panicked, eyes glancing over to Alec. Damn that long line. “Um no sorry but I’ve already set everything up,” She glared. A glare so stern and threatening Aldertree would’ve been shaken, “But my sons in the play park. How am I meant to see him?” There were so many trees closer to the park not to mention the field of grass around it and picnic benches. “Over there?” I said but it sounded like a question when I pointed to the picnic bench only a few paces from the park. “But I want to sit here,” she said, crossing her arms. She isn’t my mum, I don’t care. “Well, I was here first. There are trees over there if you don’t like the benches,” “But- “ “Everything alright?” She was cut off. I'd never been more thankful to see Alec. “I hardly see how this concerns you,” the woman said. Alec had already sat down and handed me my ice cream, “Well he’s my boyfriend and I- “ “What!?” She screeched. “Your gay? And you think the place to show that is at a play park. There are children here for Christ sake!” My mouth almost dropped. Alec’s eyes were wide, and I could see them glazing over. “So what?” he spat out. “What do you mean so what? There are children here. I don’t want my son seeing two homos’ being indecent together. I can’t have him thinking that’s okay,” “But it is okay,” I insisted, finally finding my voice, “please leave us alone.” “Like hell!” she spat but stormed off. “This isn’t going to end well,” We tried to put it out of our minds but the usual conversation we had was snuffed out by the tension. Some shadowhunters may think it's repulsive or unnatural but they were never so blatant. Just when we were beginning to talk a man walked over, the woman trailing behind with a crying son in her grip. The boy must’ve been 6 or 7 but his mother had her hand wrapped around his wrists, not caring about her fake nails. We didn’t have time to focus on that because of the man. Beer belly, beer breath, no signs of human decency either. “Hey!” he greeted us with a snarl. “Why’ve you been disrespecting my wife?” We didn’t want to fight, despite knowing as shadowhunters we’d win, “Lets all just move on and stay out each other’s way,” Alec said. “You think a fag can tell me what to do?” We were both stunned, frozen. “Eh? Look what you did to my boy! He’s traumatized.” How can love to traumatize someone? The boy was crying but was actually saying “Mummy I wanna go play!” and “Mummy let go! Your nails are sore!” Alec stood up “Who are you calling a fag?” I quickly followed in standing. Neither of us wanted to fight him. Shadowhunter’s aren’t in the mundane systems so we couldn’t get the mundane police involved. “You. You little pair of fairies’,” the man reached out and pushed Alec as hard as he could. Alec was caught off guard and stumbled back into me. I steadied us both. “Don’t touch me or my boyfriend,” I said, pushing my way in front of Alec. “Brave little fag, are you?” He taunted, “Going to hit me eh?” “I’m not going to fight you,” “That’s what I thought. All you fags are pathetic,” he’d barely said the last word when his fist collided with my face and I began to taste something coppery. Alec was already storming at the guy, but I pushed him back, “It's not worth it.” I said. Alec’s breath was ragged but I just wanted out of there. Alec glared at the man who was smirking still. “You’re pathetic.” He said before turning to me, “C’ mon, let’s go,” He bent down to start shoving everything back in the basket. I bent down and helped. As we were doing it, I heard the boy and father speaking but didn’t pay much attention. The father and mother then began back to the park. I assumed the boy was with them till I felt someone push my butt, hard. It threw me off balanced and I went crashing down onto the basket, hitting my head. “ahh!” I couldn’t hold back. I turned to see the young boy, tears on his face, looking horrified before running away. I saw the dad hold his arms out to the boy and hug him. “Disgusting,” Alec snarled before looking at me, “Are you okay?” he asked. “C’ mon,” I said, defeated, “Let’s go.”

I’d managed to get a bruise on my head from where I fell on the basket and my lip and mouth was bleeding from the punch. I was smaller than Alec, so it didn’t surprise me he went for me over him. Alec had the idea to see Magnus. When he opened the door, his eyes widened and his usual smile dropped “What happened?” he asked, ushering us in. I shrugged then sat down and Alec sighed. “We were having a picnic and some guy came up and started harassing (Y/N). he found out we were gay and well here we are.” Alec sighed, sitting down next to me. “I-I don’t know what to do,” He put his hand on my knee and I leant onto his shoulder. The shadow world didn’t have a wealth of knowledge on gay things let alone gay rights. Our bisexual friend was our guide through the LGBT world. Magnus took a breath, “Its okay. You’re here now, that’s what matters. But you need to know what happened today was unacceptable and downright vile. If you were mundane, you’d go to the police and file a hate crime but alas you’re not. Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do as Downworlders or shadowhunters. I know its terrible but the best thing I can suggest is that I know some Downworlders in the police department and I can get them to file a hate crime but forge it, so it doesn’t include the victim. I’m sorry,”

Magnus made us realise something, there really wasn’t much we could do but that didn’t mean we shouldn’t try. We waited it out and Alec became head of the New York Institute and I began to work for the clave and in a respected position too. Then we started to have a voice and by the angel are we going to use it.

[into-control]

submission:

Can anyone give me advice on this pls? Idk if you remember, but I sent an ask before about how I agreed to beard for a guy in my Biology class with an extremely homophobic family. Mine are homophobic too, but not as bad as his. Anyway, he came to my house to visit today since it’s his birthday, and it’s a weekend. I gave him flowers as a joke, and he smiled so hard and was like, “Ahh, thank you so much (my name), these flowers are really pretty.” And my dad gives him the strangest look and is like, “Real men don’t like flowers. Only those ~other types of men like flowers”. (He was referring to gay men or “feminine” men, I think.)

And my “boyfriend” looks a bit panicked and quickly says, “Oh, I don’t know. I just… said I like them because your daughter gave them to me.”

And my dad pulls a face at me and says, “Why the HELL would you buy him FLOWERS? He’s supposed to be buying YOU flowers.”

And then my dad asked if he could have a private discussion with me, and he’s like, “I think your boyfriend might be one of those gays.”

So, I asked why he thinks that, and he was like, “He’s too… smiley and cheerful, it’s really weird. He needs to calm down and be a man instead of hopping about like an annoying rabbit or something. Plus, he likes flowers.”

So, I try to cover for him, and I’m like, “No, some straight guys are just like that. He’s just optimistic. And he probably just lied about the flowers to make me happy.”

My dad starts shaking his head. And then he’s like, “Why are you dating HIM anyway?” And then he started telling me about one of his friend’s sons who’s my age that he likes a lot and thinks I should date instead. 

My boyfriend left, and my dad’s been asking my whole family if they think my boyfriend might be secretly gay. My mom agreed and said it was obvious. My brother said that he thinks he’s straight. One sister said she’s not sure, and the other sister said that he’s definitely gay.

So anyway, this baffled me. I’m such an obvious lesbian. Lots of people have realised. But my family don’t realise I’m gay, but they realise my “boyfriend” is gay just because he smiles a lot and likes flowers?

But tbh, my boyfriend does get a lot more suspicion than I do. He’s also very affectionate to people in general, both girls and boys. He likes hugs and is very friendly and polite. So people are like, “Straight guys don’t act like that” which confuses me.

Anyway, do you think it would be wrong of me to try to get my boyfriend to act more “manly”? Because I don’t want him to get found out. And I also don’t want to get outed if he gets outed. But then I also don’t want him to have to hide his personality too, you know? I mean, what am I supposed to say anyway? “Don’t smile as much, and be less friendly with people. And stop hugging people” ???

Idk man. I didn’t realise that being a friendly, upbeat person was exclusively for gay guys now. Idk what to do

--------------

that just sounds like a lot of toxic masculinity and homophobia, yikes. if you really think that’s what you need to do and he’s okay with it, then i suppose you can. but like, don’t do it to the point where he’s not even himself anymore because 1) that’s not good for him and 2) that’s really obvious. like i said when you originally asked me about this, i’m not experienced in this stuff at all

[peppy-pilot]

Did something happen? Because no one said straight+cis people weren’t allowed to exist during pride month. It’s just a month for people that are part of the LGBT+ to celebrate, no one said you can’t write a character that isn’t part of the community and honestly, that post came across to me as pretty rude and passive aggressive which doesn’t seem like you at all. :(

//Haha, wow, now that I look back at it, it does seem pretty passive-aggressive, doesn’t it? Ahh, my apologies, that’s not the intention, but it IS a jab at some of the attitudes I’m seeing in my dashboard and the #pride month tag, specifically regarding posts where it’s “illegal” to be cis-straight during Pride Month.

But since I’m on the subject, I may as well get this off my chest, as a bisexual woman who is in a relationship with a man: I do not appreciate my sexuality being erased just because I’m not in a same-sex relationship, and I do not appreciate anyone lashing out on allies who are genuinely trying their best to be supportive, or even punishing them harshly when they trip up on their attempts to remove any homophobic upbringing they were forced upon. I am not saying we should praise straight-cis folks for acting like decent human beings, of course. Pride Month is to support and celebrate those who don’t fit the heteronormative mold, and it should also not condemn anyone who does, especially those who are supportive of us. So the Peppy post is mostly aimed at those who DO make frequent jokes at the expense of our allies, though I will agree, that did seem more like a passive-aggressive attack on Pride Month itself rather than those who use Pride Month as an excuse to condemn our allies.

Though I will say one last thing: as much as I am bi, I’m not big on joining others in Pride Month, at least loudly and openly. I’m semi-closeted because of my home environment, I’m personally conservative with my sexuality despite frequently making lewd jokes around my friends, and I genuinely don’t like bringing too much attention to myself in ANY occasion--not even my own birthday and certainly not my wedding day. It’s strange and overwhelming, and yes, even unanimous group support would genuinely overwhelm me to the point of scaring me off. So you won’t find me participating in any Pride events--because it sends a message of “LOOK AT ME, I AM HERE” and I’m not keen on doing that. There is a reason why I tend to spend most of my conversations avoiding talking about myself unless it’s absolutely needed (or I’m venting).

With all this said, this is a part of me that I CAN’T push aside when I RP UNLESS that character has an inclination for bringing attention to themselves. Now that I think about it, Scott Macintyre of @thistle-bearing-magician probably won’t participate in Pride because as much as he’s openly gay, he’s experienced too much homophobia in his life to comfortably parade around even in an actual parade; and all of my LGBT muses at @playsofthebatala have no concept of heterosexuality OR homo/pan/bi/asexuality (you either want to bang someone or you don’t, they don’t have words or labels for that), and celebrating gender identity seems a bit silly to them (a nonbinary or trans person celebrating their gender, to Ba’tala natives, is like celebrating breathing).  The only muse I’d probably have to openly celebrate Pride is probably Guy Duchamp (gay) out of all my LGBT muses in @sins-of-the-sea, and that’s because he’s shameless and lacks any sense of subtlety. And even then... I currently don’t have a muse for him, or any of the Sin Pirates. So yeah. I have no means of celebrating Pride via RP. @the-great-tiger-of-mumbai and @thegreatpowalski are both ace, but they’re also ignorant of how to celebrate Pride (and think aces are excluded from Pride anyway because acephobia in LGBT exists). So yeah. You won’t see any of my muses waving Pride flags anytime soon.

[emo-boy-oliver-blog]

Life Update #51

Heyyy yall! It’s the 11th of December and I’ve been on holidays and it has been great! A lot has happened as I haven’t updated for almost a month but I’ll just list the biggest stuff that happened :)).

So after a little while of being on holidays my mum and I drove down to Melbourne, we also brought the dogs (which is why we drove down). It was a whole day of driving which was a t r e k but it was cool when we got there. Once I arrived in Melbourne all was pretty cool, we stayed at my nan and pops house which meant deadname central but apart from that it was cool. We went over to my aunts house with my cousins n shit and turns out they all saw a video on my YouTube about being trans so they were all calling me Oli but with she/her pronouns but it’s a start. My step dad caught a plane down there a while in and stayed at my grandparents as well. A couple days into my trip I was at my aunts house and my uncle was saying a heap of homophobic shit even though he knows I’m trans so I ran off and wrapped presents with my accepting cousin, he doesn’t quite understand what being trans is but I explained it to him and he’s starting to get it, he’s in his mid twenties, anyways that night shit got really intense and dark and I can’t say everything that happened online but basically my mum and I had a really intense discussion with my uncle and he said he didn’t get it but he will accept me. On the day before Christmas we went to my Step Dads family for their families Christmas. It was really cool, my step dads family is very accepting especially because his sister is a lesbian and his nephew is gay so everyone was calling me the right name and pronouns. I spent most of the day chatting to my step brothers girlfriend because neither of us knew everybody since we aren’t like I N the family, she was really cool and she is a uni student. I also talked with my step brother and sister and my step sisters boyfriend a bit. I got some gifts from my step dads family which I was not expecting!! I got a cool t shirt and a rebel sports voucher and an itunes voucher and a jar filled with gingerbread, non-alcoholic rum balls and candy canes. That night we went to carols by candelight with some of my mums friends from the UK. They were visiting Australia so we met up with them in the city and had dinner and then saw the carols. It was my mums friend and her husband and son and daughter. The son  was twenty something and was also called Oliver and Oli as a nickname!! We went back to their apartment in the city to hang out and then we stayed in a hotel ourselves. On Christmas morning we drove back to my nan and pops and I got presents!! I got pop vinyls and a P!ATD record and mini guitar figurines and lush bath bombs and a calligraphy set and lights that said ‘OLI’ and cards against humanity and just lots of cool stuff! We then went to my aunts house and the whole family was there, we ate heaps of food and I played with my cousins daughter who is 3 years old and adorable. She played hide and seek with me but would always hide in the same spot and I’d pretend I had no idea where she was for a while. I also buried ‘treasure’ in the garden for her to dig up. The older family members played cards against humanity with me and it was super funny and entertaining.

On boxing day I flew down from Melbourne to Tassie and met my dad and step mum there and we stayed at our house down there, it was a really nice time. For the first day my uncle was there as he had been there for Christmas and he gave me a really nice wallet for Christmas. Also on that trip we went on a really long road trip and went to a national park where we went on a bushwalk and saw a platypus!! On that roadtrip we also went to a really pretty spot for a picnic, it was in front of this beautiful blue water surrounded by mountains on squishy green grass. We ate rolls and I read ‘Elites of Eden’ and we played this cool outdoor came called ‘Finska’. We also went and saw the boats finish the race of ‘Sydney to Hobart’ and the boat I had bet on won so I got $50. Mine didn’t even win first to the finish line though, the first place got an hour taken off for cheating so mine won!!! On New Years Eve we walked down to the harbour and saw some really nice fireworks to celebrate 2018. While in Tassie I went and saw the new Star Wars with my dad which I didn’t really like BUT THEN we all went to see ‘the Greatest Showman’ which OH MY GOD MY NEW RELIGION! The music is iMPECABLE the story made me cry it was honestly my favourite thing ever, in fact I’m listening to the soundtrack right now, I also fell in LOVE with Zendaya who is in it, she is my actual wife I am IN LOVE. Also while in Tassie I got a basketball because in Melbourne I discovered a passion for shooting hoops.

Over the holidays I became close with my old unrequited crush of four years and wOW fell for her again, I told her again and nEWSFLASH she’s still not interested, she was super sweet about it but ahh it hurt my heart a little lot bit. I’m glad we are close again though because she was once my best friend and i missed her.

Once I arrived back home a heap of lgbt+ clothing arrived that I got for Christmas and also a card from one of my internet friends!! Also when I got back I did a lot of catching up with friends. Pretty soon after I got back I caught up with my best bro, we went to the shops and went to an arcade and played a couple of games and saw the greatest showman (yes again its amazing) and then he slept over at my house which was lots of fun. We swum in the pool and had water fights with my water guns. Then a little bit later I caught up with the same bro and a girl from my old school, we went ice skating together and then went to the arcade and it was sUPER FUN. I’ve also been taking photos in the photobooth every time I go to the arcade so I have a collection on my pinboard. Then a day or two after that I went over to a friends house and 5 of us from my theatre place caught up. We played a card game called ‘What do You Meme’ and listened to Hamilton and watched Pitch Perfect. I felt really happy because 3 of them were cis dudes and they were treating me exactly like they treated each other apart from a couple pronoun slip ups and it felt nice to be treated like a boy.

Yesterday my best pal and I went to a trans support group!! It was amazing!! Basically we walked into this room and there were a heap of teens sitting on couches and chairs and we sat on some chairs and I was super awkward and nervous at first but everyone was so sweet and we all put nametags on saying our names and pronouns. For the first hour-ish a trans woman gave us a talk and we asked questions and stuff like that just about legal rights and working while trans and all that stuff. For the next hour we all chatted and I stopped being awkward and I made a heap of pals which is so exciting! I’m so excited about next months meet up now.

Well that’s all for this long ass update, today my mum and I went and looked at a house we might rent and tomorow I’m going to the shops with a friend

Update soon woot

Oliver

[mercy-misrule]

like, i have a terrible coming out story, in that my mother called me worthless when i did

but i always am thinking about my original plan

which was to come out to her in the middle of a fight as a king hit that would enable me to cut her out of my life forever

because she had become super homophobic in later life, which is just incomprehensible to me

her first best friend was gay, she first moved out of home with a lesbian couple, her birth partner for my birth was a lesbian

oh and she also slept with women. i don't know if she dated them but still.

i don't understand the wild flip she had to homophobia.

anyway, when i came out it was out of annoyance, because she was saying 'you will understand when you have a husband' and i dont even remember the context for her saying that

but i do remember thinking 'ahh shit, ive wasted my opportunity to win'

20 y.o me: mama, im queer and stronger then you so don't try any shit

i would go on in later years to completely cut her out of my life, as did the sibling

and it's the best decision i ever made, and both of us got to tell her why she was no longer welcome to have access to us

but there's always a part of me that's wistful for the estrangement that might have been

otoh, my dad, when i came out to him looked up which countries gay marriage was legal in and gave me a list of them, which i loved as a response then and now. it was very sweet.

and that's why i have the one parent

[sundayschoolpodcast]

You might have already addressed this but I keep hearing about people being upset with what happened to Fiore and was wondering your opinions? I'm not exactly sure what's upset people? I think there's unanswered questions and we may see him and DeBlanc again. Seth and Evan hinted to as much in their AMA. There was an illusion to a homosexual relationship between Fiore and DeBlanc but it was never confirmed. They loved each other but I think it was very innocent. I think they were supposed to be

Second half of message: 

Seen as innocent, since they are angels. They didn’t seem to understand the way the world worked in a lot of aspects. Two angels sleeping together doesn’t mean that it has to be sexual. And if Fiore and Cassidy had sex that doesn’t make him or Cassidy gay. It’s an angel and a vampire who I’m sure the concept of sexuality and even gender didn’t play into it…. If I’m making any sense lol

Response (Rachel’s, aka @hermouthslipped ): Ahh yes. Haha well, I have a Fiore/DeBlanc blog, so I am almost certainly going to be biased in this regard. That said, I will put forth my best effort approach the question impartially. 

To begin, let me say that I understand why the episode would not strike you as particularly devastating. I think there was (and is) a very passionate sect of fans who invested themselves in this aspect of the story, but they (we) were giving spotlight to dialogue and actions which otherwise could be overlooked by the blanket statement “The angels are weird.” 

But Fiore and DeBlanc were written to be together romantically. You’re right, sexuality transcends whatever the two of them were before they came to Earth - Yusef spoke at length about the characters struggling now they were a part of the physical world, a world they did not understand at all. In terms of pain, this means they’ve never felt it before. In terms of sex, this translates to the scene with the vibrator Jesse finds in their things - looking inquiringly at DeBlanc, DeBlanc replies unabashedly with “It was our first time, we didn’t know what we’d need.” (Sundowner)

This quote reflects the two’s profound confusion over how the world works - and makes the most sense if DeBlanc means “It was our first time…having human sex.” It also reflects how completely oblivious they are to what is and is not considered strange to humans. This fits in with their behavior a lot throughout the season - DeBlanc and Fiore apparently thinking that the “cut him open with a chainsaw” plan would satisfy Cassidy, DeBlanc and Fiore never feeling the need to explain why Genesis apparently lives in a coffee can, DeBlanc and Fiore being absolutely scandalized by Jesse’s curiosity about where Genesis came from, etc., etc…If Fiore slept (as in sex) with Cassidy, then he was surely sleeping (as in sex) with DeBlanc. I would actually be extremely uncomfortable with the scenario if that weren’t the case…it would feel much more exploitive and almost predatory - if Cassidy officiated Fiore into a variety of sex he apparently had no knowledge or experience with before. As I read the scene, Cassidy slept with Fiore to provide the “friendship” Fiore was so obviously lost without, the friendship he got from DeBlanc…friendship which would more aptly be described as a romantic relationship. It helped Fiore, because he was so alone at the time. I don’t think Fiore would have gotten the heart-eyes music when he looked at Cassidy laughing at his joke if he had not already experienced that sort of intimacy with someone else who he identified as a “friend.” The sex with Cassidy was ultra-intimate in what (who) it reminded Fiore of, and so it could not be shown - whereas the sex with the prostitute could be played for laughs, as Fiore was clearly completely uninterested. 

But you’re right, they left it ambiguous. There was enough room for viewers to not consider Fiore as in a relationship with DeBlanc. And that is a lot of the reason so many people are upset. Dominic Cooper referred to DeBlanc as the “love of [Fiore’s] life.” But none of the actual show runners had the balls to admit frankly that that was the nature of the two’s relationship. They offered the idea of Fiore sleeping with Cassidy as consolation prize to us not hearing them admit verbatim that Fiore and DeBlanc were together. This decision pissed a lot of people off, myself included. 

Now, this might be out of left field, depending on how much you followed the angelship theories, but the other integral component of DeBlanc and Fiore’s relationship was (is) this: DeBlanc is not an angel - he is a demon. I was (am) more sure about that aspect of the show than I was (am) sure about the “being in a relationship” aspect. Yusef said as much in an interview. DeBlanc speaks over Fiore when Fiore seems about to disagree with DeBlanc about the two of them being “from heaven.” (He says “Both of us” before Fiore can contradict him…as we see with the conversation about the angel phone, Fiore is not good at shutting up when he needs to.) DeBlanc talks about having been to Hell before, Yusef says that DeBlanc “took this job” to get out of hell, and explains Fiore isn’t as afraid of Hell because “He’s from heaven.” DeBlanc also never touches the angel phone. (He doesn’t have “angel hands”)

Now, if they were changing the direction of the story, that would be one thing. But it does not seem as though they are. In this last episode, Fiore never said DeBlanc was an angel - even though he was given plenty of opportunities to. When Cassidy asks “So the Saint can kill angels, right?” Fiore responds with “He can kill anyone. He killed DeBlanc.” 

The writers could have just had Fiore say “Yes, he killed DeBlanc.”

Another hint is given when Jesse is talking to Fiore about Eugene: “You said once you’d get him out for me.” To which Fiore replies: “Well, that’s not going to work. Not anymore. Besides, I’m never going back there.” 

Fiore could have just said “Well that’s not going to work. I’m never going back there.” Replying in the way that he did implied that there are two reasons Fiore is not going to rescue Eugene - one reason is stated, Fiore refuses to return to Hell. But the other reason, the first reason, is not stated. I think it makes the most sense for it be referring to the fact that Fiore no longer has DeBlanc to help him navigate hell - which DeBlanc would be able to do, because DeBlanc is a demon.

A final hint is the fact Fiore referred to both himself and DeBlanc as the individuals who hired the Saint (”we hired him, his contract is with us, he’ll listen to me”)…this is rather strange, because it sure seems like DeBlanc was killed more or less immediately…long before he could be counted as “hiring” anyone. IF DeBlanc was a demon, this would make more sense - as it would imply that both an angel and a demon are needed to open a contract with the Saint. McTavish has said that the Saint has not just been promised the opportunity to be reunited with his family, he has been promised the opportunity to be reunited with his family in Heaven. Transferring the Saint from Hell to Heaven would be a transaction involving both sides. 

I bring up this aspect of the fan theory because it recasts the two of them in my mind - I do not consider them to both be angels, and that alone means that they are less innocent than they might seem. Fiore knows about sex and prostitution. And DeBlanc at least knows that vibrators are not a component of gay sex - something he apparently learned, as he felt compelled to provide an explanation to Jesse.  

Of course, the logical conclusion from 1) Fiore and DeBlanc being together + 2) DeBlanc being a demon while Fiore is an angel is this: Fiore and DeBlanc are the celestial beings who conjoined and created Genesis. I am okay with this not being true (I have a lot of evidence supporting and refuting this aspect of it), but it just seems astronomically improbable to present two separate, unrelated angel/demon relationships. Had this theory been confirmed, Fiore and DeBlanc - a gay couple, at least to viewers (because you’re right, gender isn’t really a thing in Heaven) - would have been seamlessly woven into the plot in a capacity which does not make their characters’ arc based solely on their sexuality - yet while still exploring the latent theme of “forbidden love” - without the forbidden love referring to gender. 

The comics were extraordinarily homophobic. Were this theory to be a reality, the TV show would be fixing the original story’s failings in a manner which is progressive, thematically rich, and brilliantly subtle.

As we stand with the show now, they have - depending on whether or not you believe Fiore and DeBlanc were in a relationship - either killed four gay characters (I’m counting the mascot suicide in the finale), or killed two gay characters, and two gay-ish characters (again, if you do not believe that DeBlanc and Fiore were ever actually together.) Now, IF Rogen and Goldberg’s reddit chat actually yields hope in terms of continuing the characters’ story, I can forgive them. But I am wary, it was disappointing to hear how they referred to the two of them in Talking Preacher (aside from Cooper.)  

Now, I suppose I (we) could just be seeing what I (we) want to see. I have picked over this show so much, and I know that when you are in so deep - your vision can become fogged. And so perhaps all of this will sound like a conspiracy theory to you - which I get and understand. All of this however is the basis for the intense betrayal angelship fans felt at the episode’s conclusion - and why so many of them (us) are afraid to hope that the story will ever be reopened.

I hope this clarifies the emotional reaction certain fans are having - again, I do understand that this is not an aspect of the show universally followed. If you want to hear our reasoning for why we consider the relationship having existed (or presently exists, depending on how optimistic you are) - Kathryn (@priscillajeanohare) and I devoted our third episode to exploring the three aspects of the angelship fan theory…it expands on more of what I presented above.

Apologies for the long, long, long post - and thank you so, so, SO much for writing in, and for listening - it means a ton when you guys talk to us, we absolutely love it. Cheers.

–R

[skam-season4]

SKAM Theories, Speculation, and Analysis of what we know so far - Season 4 Hiatus

Hi all, It’s Holly, your least favorite SKAM blog again. I am putting together a master post of speculation, theories, and other stuff because this hiatus is killing me. You’d think after 112 days of absolutely zero content would prepare me for ten days, but here I am. So, this will kind of be chronological, and kind of in order of small details to big picture stuff. Because It’s semi - chronological, most of the beginning sections will be Even and Balloon Squad stuff, and  Feel free to message me on your thoughts, I encourage you all to disagree, have your own opinions, but just do it respectfully.

This should be pretty obvious, but if you aren’t caught up with S4E5 yet, this will be spoilers galore.

Bolded things are summaries of a topic, or main / important ideas of a topic

Disclaimer: I am not an expert on anything bipolar / mental illness related, or anything related to Islam. I’ve pulled an Isak and googled different types of bipolar, I know a few people who are mentally ill, but its different for everyone. I’ve read a little bit of the Qur’an, and I’ve tried to educate myself of some Islamic traditions and rituals, but I definitely do not know everything. If I say something wrong or ignorant, PLEASE CORRECT ME, but do it respectfully and I will gladly change it.

Here is the list of topics in order that will be covered:

Sana being ignored - a look through the ages

Even’s timeline

Even’s relationship with each member of the Balloon Squad

Hvem er Mikael?

The Even x Mikael x Yousef situation

Sonja’s Role

Even’s Christmas Text

Season 4 Trailer analysis

Sana’s feelings towards Vilde in S4

Was Yousef going to kiss Sana at the end of “The Best of Islam”?

Sana + Noorhelm drama

Yousef + not Fighting

What was the fight about?

Girls in the bathroom

Noora’s motivation to kiss Yousef

Yousef’s Motivation to kiss Noora

Season 4 Hiatus Trailer Analysis

BIGGER IDEAS

Why the Russ bus is Important

Vilde’s Character Development / Gay Vilde

Sana’s Mirror and Foil

Parallels

Themes

Perspective

Here we go!

Sana being ignored - a look through the ages 

Sana has been being ignored from the first episode she is introduced.

Vilde’s first visit to the school doctor: Where’s Sana?

The rest of the girls drinking in Eva’s room before Vilde sleeps with William: Where’s Sana?

We didn’t really think much of it when it was happening, and thats because of perspective. Perspective is possibly the most important lesson in this entire series (more on that later) and we were seeing this from Eva’s perspective. Eva probably didn’t notice too much that Sana was being left out, probably because she wasn’t that close to her yet, but now we get upset about Sana being excluded because we are actually affected by it.

Even’s timeline

This is what we have been told as of now. Some theorize that some of this info is false, and we obviously have a lot of missing information, but here’s what we think we know so far:

In Even’s second year, the video interview with him and Mikael was made. (x)

It’s 2015

Even is in his third year at Bakka

He is part of the Balloon Squad

Sonja and him have been dating for a year or two at this point

At some point, Even tries to kiss Mikael

Mikael pulls away because he is religious

Even memorizes the Qur’an in Arabic in attempt to cure himself

Even begins posting verses on Facebook about gay people going to Hell (flame emoji?)

We know this is the school’s Facebook page, as per Vilde in this text

I think its safe to assume that Even was manic when he posted that stuff

BUT we cannot be sure whether he was manic or not when he decided to read the Qur’an.

Sonja says he was in S3E8

But Sonja has also said that Even’s feelings for Isak are a result of mania, and basically that Isak was a symptom of Even’s mania

Obviously this turned out to be false

So the line between his mania and non-mania regarding what happened at Bakka is still extremely blurry. (non-mania? idk what to call it sorry, as I’ve said, I’m not an expert on bipolar, and I'm pretty sure it’s not appropriate to call it “when he was ‘normal’”, is “stable” an okay word to use? someone please educate me)

He hurt someone, and we have yet to find out who that is.

We know he hurt someone, or at least thinks he did because

Take a look at the aluminum leg story in S3E3. It seems like a harmless little joke, but it turned out to be an allegory to how he thinks Sonja views their relationship and such. So in S3E10 when he says “I’ll just hurt you, and then you’ll hate me”, this isn’t just because he thinks it will happen, it’s because it has happened before.

The obvious answer at the beginning of the season was Mikael, but now it seems to be Yousef. (I think it’s Yousef)

Even’s relationship with each member of the Balloon Squad

Mikael refers to Even as his best buddy, so we know they were close at some point, definitely before the kissing incident happened.

Elias and Even must have been close as well. This is demonstrated when Even asks Sana how “the boys” are doing, and then asks specifically about Elias. This is probably because Elias is her brother, the one she would know most about, but he doesn’t go on to ask about the rest of them individually.

Yousef and Even’s relationship seems more complicated than the others. They were close friends at some point, (battle 2015 photo, Yousef knows too much a lot about what happened between him and Mikael) Even obviously still loves all the boys, as I said in the bullet above, and Yousef seems to still love Even too, as we see in S4E4. He was so upset about what happened with Even, he gave up his religion, his beliefs. I think the reason he could have been potentially upset at Sana for having them be in the same place at the end of S4E5 was because he wasn’t ready. Not because he didn’t love Even, or was mad at Even, but because he wasn’t ready. (I think this goes without saying,but when I say love here, it is being used 100% platonic. The Balloon Squad, those boys, love each other. That much is obvious, and that’s that.)

I think Mutta and Adam are just more side characters, to add to the dynamic of the squad. They balance out the 5 Girl Squad members and the 4 (5? Is Even officially part of the Boy Squad now?) Boy Squad members, so it just kinda makes sense that there would be 5 Balloon Boys as well. They were probably Even’s buddies, but not as close to him as the other three.

Hvem er Mikael?

Ahh, here we are, the ever elusive Mikael. The Man, The Myth,The Legend. He is

Even’s “best buddy” in 2015

“I’m honest because I care about you” (x)  We’ve seen Mikael and the other boys be affectionate with each other, physically and emotionally. This seems to be just another example of this.

Even refers to him as the “previous man of my life” in this text, and as I’ve stated before, Even’s jokes always have an element of truth in them somewhere.

“He tried to kiss Mikael” - Okay, but if all of what Yousef said in that clip was true, why would Mikael be laughing at the mention of Even’s name in the SMS Roulette video?

When Yousef brought up Even in “The Best of Islam”, he was sad talking about him, obviously because one of his friends tried to kill himself.

I will explain in the “The Even x Mikael x Yousef situation: A Theory” section of this post why I think that is that they have such different reactions.

The Even x Mikael x Yousef situation: A Theory

This is a theory, not an analysis of what we already know and etc.

Sooo... here are some theories (x) (x) (x) especially the last one, etc. about Yousef (and Mikael) being gay / not straight, and I honestly don’t agree with it. As much as I would love to see a Muslim LGBT+ character in the media, it just doesn’t seem like it would be Yousef to me.

Some of the evidence pointing to the fact he might be gay is

the visual parallels between Isak and Emma making out in S3E1 and Yousef and Noora making out in S4E5 (I.E. just kissing, arms at the sides, generally disinterested) which makes sense.

Julie is looking for any opportunity to throw us off, plot twist the shit out of this season, and keep us on our toes, which is getting more and more difficult as time goes on, so we always have to keep that in mind.

 Now here’s why I think he’s not gay

If Yousef was gay, and it was actually him that was involved with the kissing situation then

 the Qur’an verses that Even posted would be directed at Yousef (and himself)

Hence the flame emoji thing in the SMS Roulette video

But Elias is the one that said that.

I highly doubt that when Even posted that stuff, he called Yousef out by name. So assuming the passages were just directed at Yousef and that’s what Elias was referencing with the flame emoji thing, that would mean Elias knows that Yousef is gay or that something happened between him and Even. Then that would mean Elias encouraged Sana to romantically pursue Yousef in Humble, while knowing he was gay, and intentionally fucking over his sister???? which is the exact opposite of everything we’ve seen with him????? It just doesn’t add up

I could see Yousef being bi or something and having a sexuality crisis in his Bakka days, because I truly believe he had feelings for Sana, and if he was bi, then that takes care of that.

I also don’t think Mikael is gay / LGBT+ because

he supposedly pushed Even away for being gay because he is religious

but he wears nail polish and kisses other boy’s hands and stuff like that

and in no way am I saying that because he does that stuff that makes him gay

But if Mikael is actually homophobic, or if he is actually gay and had internalized homophobia and issues with himself, I highly doubt in either situation he’d be too keen on doing traditionally gay things a lot

does that make sense?

I think that Yousef is the only Balloon Boy that knows Even tried to kill himself

Yousef seems to be the only one that is sad to see / hear bout Even

The others seem not affected, like Mikael in SMS Roulette, or upset / startled / angry, like Elias at the end of S4E5 etc.

Other people have pointed out that if he’s the only one that knows

Yousef must have been the one to find Even when he tried

Sonja’s Role

If I did the math right, her and Even started dating roughly around 2012, waayyy before the kissing incident with the Balloon Squad

As I talked about above somewhere, she claims Even memorized the Qur’an, “because at the time he thought it was a ‘good idea’”, and how that might not be entirely true because the line between mania and non-mania back then was so blurry

So did she know about the Mikael situation?

I feel like her role might be really important, because it was actually one of the most important roles in S3, but I don’t think we’d ever see Sana and Sonja interact, so maybe when we get the full story she will have something more to do with it.

Even’s Christmas Text

This is bolded because it’s my favorite theory I think. Who could it be? That little facial expression (timestamp: 5:09) was not in there for no reason, and like Julie said, she’s looking to throw us off.

Mikael: I don’t think it’s him. The second Mikael sees Even and Isak at the karaoke bar, he’s outta there faster than a green snake in a sugar cane field. He doesn’t seem too keen on acknowledging Even.

Sana: She might have texted him right before she walked in and told him not to worry, she wouldn’t say anything, or something along those lines. Again, possible, but not likely.

Yousef: Probable. Like I’ve said before, Yousef was probably upset to see that Sana brought him and Even together because he wasn’t ready. He seems like a very thoughtful person. After Sana asks him why he doesn’t believe in Allah, he doesn’t immediate respond. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, and I feel like he would want to think over what he wants to say to his friend he hasn’t talked to in a year who tried to kill himself very carefully, (who wouldn’t) and what better way than a text he can write over and over again and revise it?

Sonja: Everything points to her, at least to me. After Isak texted her, maybe she felt she should say something directly to Even. This always seemed the most probable to me, but I am absolutely set on finding out what that was about, and like I said in the “Sonja’s Role” section, I don’t think we’ll see more of her. The only thing I could think of is if Even tells Sana that Sonja texted him, but I don’t see how that would be relevant to anything.

Season 4 Trailer Analysis

I’m not gonna go into what each action in the trailer means. People have already done that. But the new speculation: The Trailer Is In Reverse!!!

I’m going to refer to the original trailer as the original, and the edited one as the “forwards” one.

So, in the forwards trailer, Sana trips Noora and causes a chain reaction that ends with Even getting hurt (with a selfie stick = social media?) and Isak stays by his side.

But, in the original, it starts with Even gathering up his blood (clearing up his past?) and Isak helps him back on his feet.

It ends with Sana pulling Noora up.

In the forwards version, Sana makes a decision that causes people to get hurt, while in the original Sana fixes everything just like she’s done in all three past seasons.

Also, are the roles reversed? Even bleeds in the trailer, but Isak got punched. Sana tripped Noora but Sana got hurt when Noora kissed Yousef. So if Isak is actually Even and Sana is actually Noora, is Yousef actually Mikael (and Vilde falls for Eva?)

Sana’s Attitude Towards Vilde in S4 so far

Sana seems generally annoyed at her and is ready to snip at her

“your mom is not having a wine tasting party”

Sana won’t let her talk when they go to look at the bus

Sana tells the girls they are joining with Pepsi Max, and that they pay and she is the Bus Boss

This is Vilde’s reaction:

She looks angry

But she says “sana’s the boss, she’ll fix it. Remember when she fixed the toilet paper situation (in S1)?”

This seems innocent, but I think it’s a challenge

Like “You can fix it... can’t you?”

Vilde is waiting for Sana to screw up so she can take over.

In S2, Vilde talks about how much she likes William, after she saw Noora kissing him

She does this because she’s trying to get Noora to tell her about it and get a reaction out of her

So isn’t she trying to get a reaction out of Sana too?

She’s also trying to get a rise out of Sana by talking about her and Magnus

In S4E1, before Sana walks in they are “casually talking bout different shades of blue”. Everyone stops, says hi, to her, and the Vilde pipes up and says, “anyway Magnus and I have sex all the time blahh blah blah”

In her mind, maybe what she wants to happen is Sana snaps and does something, Vilde will tell the Girl Squad she’s psycho (I could see her being like “I knew from the beginning and you guys didn’t listen to me”) and then she will be the new buss boss

Was Yousef going to kiss Sana at the end of “The Best of Islam”?

First off, I’d like to say props to Julie Andem for creating potentially the most pure relationship in television history. If Sana and Yousef do get together, I feel it is highly unlikely for them to kiss or anything, so this would be a relationship fueled by purely emotion, trust, and communication, and not on physical things (of course there’s the physical want we’ve seen from Sana’s side, but you know what I mean). I’m pretty sure no one wants to see her compromise her beliefs and have sex with Yousef or something stupid like that (like Noora did with William)

I think that he was going to kiss her

they seemed to have an entire conversation that we, the viewers, didn’t understand entirely just by looking at each other.

Yousef does this tiny little head nod (timestamp: 14:24) and leans forward a minute amount, and then Sana starts shaking her head.

Then, at 14:30 he rolls his eyes a little, and says, “No?” like he was asking to kiss her, she said no, and then he was like “why am I such an idiot, she obviously doesn’t like me if she deleted me on Facebook” etc.

This would also explain why he would kiss Noora

Sana + Noorhelm drama

Eva was the first one to know about William’s knew

Sana was the only one who wanted to tell Noora

She wanted to tell her because she’s trying to protect her friend

Just like she told Vilde William wasn’t interested in S1

Noora thought that was mean of Sana to be honest with Vilde

But Noora thought it was mean of Sana to not tell her?

SANA WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO TELL NOORA AND THEN NOORA STARTED TALKING OVER HER. In “heartbreak”, (timestamp: 5:28) Sana takes a breath and says, “Du-” (you) and immediately gets cut off by Noora saying “oh my god, if I think about him with anyone else I’m going to break” or whatever

Maybe Noora will realize this and apologize to Sana right away and it will set up Noora being on Sana’s side when she finds out about Sana being kicked off the bus?

But maybe I’m just being optimistic

Yousef and Not Fighting

I feel like the reason he stayed behind was because he didn’t want to choose sides. If we’re sticking with the theory that he knew about about Even’s suicide attempt, but the others didn’t, then this makes sense. He didn’t want to choose sides. He wouldn’t want to go out there and fight with the Balloon Squad because he obviously still cares about Even and wouldn’t want to fight his friends. But he wouldn’t want to fight with the Boy Squad because then he’d have to explain why he stood up for Even to the Balloon boys, and tell them about the suicide attempt.

What was the fight about?

My original theory: before the clip came out, I saw the BTS pics and thought maybe Magnus finds out about the SMS roulette Nudes 4 Nudes thing and dukes it out when he sees Elias. This is probably not true now that we’ve seen the clip.

Obvious theory: Mikael or Mutta, the only two outside with the Boy Squad, started a fight because they didn’t like seeing Even in a homosexual relationship. Obvious. Too obvious. Especially because the girls in the bathroom think that's why it happened.

Other: Isak threw the first punch. As we see him walking away, we see him shaking his hand. Maybe because he was shaking off blood, maybe because he was shaking off pain?

Girls in the bathroom

Like I just said, Because they think that the fight was about Muslims Vs. Gays™ this is probably not true.

Sana can’t win. According to the girls, she’s too Muslim to be on the bus and be a good bus boss... but she’s not Muslim enough to be a good representation of Islam... like... what? That conversation upset me so much.

Did Vilde snake? Or is that just false rumors? I don’t think Noora knows, or Chris, but did Eva know that they were going to throw her off the bus? She looks uncomfortable when Sana and Noora approach them and the Pepsi Max girls. Assuming they didn’t know, will they stand by her? Will they take Pepsi Max’s side?

Noora’s motivation to kiss Yousef

1. Noora did not know about Sana’s feelings for Yousef. She had already expressed interest in him, and was lonely and upset and saw him and kissed him.

2. Noora did know about Sana’s feelings for Yousef, and she was upset at Sana and wanted to get back at her. Some think that Noora expressing interest in Yousef was actually her subtly asking about Sana’s feelings for him. This seems ooc to me, but who knows?

Yousef’s Motivation to kiss Noora

This is more complicated.

Perspective: He didn’t actually like Sana, and since we’re seeing things through her eyes, she made it up in her head. He is affectionate with his friends, so he would be affectionate towards her too. (This kinda makes sense, but my Yousana shipping heart refuses to believe it)

Mama Bakkoush told him to stay away. This seems like a possibility, like after she knows 100% that there is nothing to worry about, and then she texts Sana and is like “I trust you” etc. I just feel like every time we see a kid with a religious family, the parents are always portrayed as overbearing and suffocating, and I feel like Julie is gonna give us a new look at a religious poc mom that is actually a great mom, like most of what we’ve seen of her.

The most likely thing to me seems like he liked her, and then was upset because he opened up to her in S4E4, and then she put the Balloon Boys and Evak intentionally in the same place without warning him. Or Noora told him what Sana said about him being immature etc.

Season 4 Hiatus Trailer Analysis

Who is eating the carrot?

Assuming it’s Noora, the carrot represents Yousana. She destroys it.

Assuming it’s Sana, the carrot represents her feelings. Instead of “pulling it closer”, like Yousef suggests, she “pushes it away and looses control over it.” Her feelings eat her up, and she’s stuffing all her feelings inside.

It is Isak’s black eye, someone did a side by side comparison proving it’s him.

Whose hair and whose hand?

Yousef running his hands through his hair?

Mikael running his hands through his hair?

Even running his hands through Mikael’s hair? (Pls no Julie)

It looks like a male hand, so not Noora and Yousef.

I think it’s Yousef. look at how he does it in “feel it coming”

Sara’s Mouth.

She’s smiling... dos this mean she gets what she wants and Sana is actually thrown off the bus?

BIGGER IDEAS

Why the Russ bus is Important

It’s a symbol. Y’all are complaining that it’s getting too much screen time for something we won’t even get to see, but first of all, It’s what brought the girls together in the first place. But it’s also a symbol to Sana. It’s a symbol of her Norwegian identity. 

Vilde’s Character Development / Gay Vilde

Very few side characters have gone through development. It’s mainly only been

William through the second season.

We’ve also heard of Even’s development; he hated himself for wanting to kiss boys and now he’s comfortable with himself. We didn’t actually see that though, we only know him after he’s comfortable with himself.

One could make the argue Jonas had a little development, from Jonas “you only know gay songs” Noah Vasquez in S1 to Jonas “what’s up with you dissing gay people”  “he needs to break up with his girlfriend”  “straight up” Noah Vasquez in S3.

Vilde is the most complex non-main character we’ve ever had, but is there even time for a redemption arc?

When I first saw the gay Vilde theory, I thought it was just people on Tumblr doing their thing and head cannoning her as gay with only 1 questionable scene as evidence but upon further inspection....

The thing that sticks out to me most is the scene in S1 when Vilde is trying to get turned on when thinking about William, she says “nothing makesme horny”. Then in S2 when are the girls are sitting on the windowsil, Noora is texting so it’s only in some versions of the subtitles, but Vilde’s back at it again talking about Noora being a lesbian. And Vilde says “I’ve made out with Eva. The feelings that arise when you make out with a girl don’t necessarily mean you’re a lesbian.”  Eva replies, “What kind of feelings?”  To which Vilde responds “horny”.

This post does a nice job outlining it.

Sana’s Mirror and Foil

Even is Sana’s Mirror (click here if you don’t know what a mirror is, or here to see how Noora was Isak’s mirror in S3)

Even pulled away from Isak after Isak said “I don’t want mentally Ill people in my life”

Sana pulled away from Yousef after he said “I don’t believe in Allah”

Again, God bless Julie Andem, we get to see the perspective of both sides

Even’s struggle with his past vs. his future self, and we’ll probably see him find a great balance, Sana’s struggle with her Muslim self vs her Norwegian self, which again, we will hopefully see resolved.

Noora is Sana’s Foil (click here or here if you don’t know what a foil is)

She is the epitome of the typical Norwegian girl, what Sana thinks she is expected to be like, or what she wants to fit into. The girls in the bathroom saying “wow Noora’s so pretty” Noora kissing Sana’s love interest, etc. etc.

Evak is paralleling Yousana

Evak is the foil to Vildus

I will explain more of that in a later post I will make and link to it

Parallels

Like I said, I’m working on it. It needs to be a whole separate post because this is already so long.

Themes

Figuring out who you are and who you want to be, rather than what others want you to be. In Season 1, when Eva tells Jonas that “his opinion meant more than her own, and that’s not okay.” The central theme of Season 1, reflected again in Season 3 with Isak struggling to fit in with his friends. This also seems to be making a comeback in Season 4, Sana struggling between her Muslim identity, her Norwegian identity, and her personality. She’s the kind of person who’s comfortable with who she is, but I think she has yet to find out who that is.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.

Learn to consider how other people think. Everyone has their reasons for what they do, not everyone will think the way you do, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Think back to Sana and Noora and the windowsill talk in Season 2, or in Season 3 when Sana tells Isak “can’t we just agree that there’s a lot between Heaven and Earth that none of us know anything about? Instead of sitting here criticizing my religion, just respect that we’ve chosen different beliefs.”

Alt er love

Predestination. In season 3, with all of the Christianity symbolism and talk of parrallel universes, we see that you can’t see the future. Every choice you make affects the possibilities for the future, so instead of worrying about what you did, and what might happen, just remember that

Life is Now.

Misunderstandings. Season 4. This is pretty self explanatory, and I’m extremely interested to see how his plays out.

Perspective. THIS IS HUGE. THIS IS THE OVERALL THEME OF THE ENTIRE SHOW, SO IT GETS ITS OWN SECTION.

PERSPECTIVE

Oh boy, here we go. The reason why the narrative only stays in one person’s perspective for a whole season is because that’s how we get immersed in the story. We don’t know more than they know, we are frustrated because we don’t know why that other person did that thing to the main. It makes everything more relatable, and hit closer to home. This ties into communication is key, this ties into misunderstandings, this ties into be yourself, this ties into Alt er love, this ties into be kind always. It teaches us that we can’t get into someone else head. We can’t make assumptions about other people. We won’t ever truly understand someone without seeing everything from their perspective.

So remember: Karma’s a bitch, be kind, always, alt er love, and life is... Now.

[gabbalot]

Another ask meme 👀

So I was tagged by the one and only @merriemelodie who has a knack for making me feel valid on the worst of days, and also who I NEED TO COME UP WITH A SWEET NICKNAME FOR???❤️

The rules are: Post the rules, answer 11 questions, make up 11 new questions, and tag 11 people.

(Or just break the rules like I do. I tag the same people every time I do these so I’ll give everyone a break. If you want to, but don’t feel obligated: @plsetski, @zestyfiretruck, @stregina, @dednout, @vityanikiforova. For everyone else, I’m just being shy but if you see this and want to do it, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED BY ME! And @ me in your response.)

My questions for people are:

If you could, would you choose to download your consciousness into an artificial simulation of life, where nothing really bad ever happens, and all the good things that you want from life happen in a believable way? Or would you rather live your life as it is now? Why?

If you could pick anything to do for your career, without having to worry about money, what would you do?

If you had to describe yourself with a Wikipedia article, or an article from The Onion, what would it be? 

What is your favorite gif/meme??

If you could say anything to your younger self, what would you say? Would you say anything at all?

If humanoid androids became normalized and easily-accessible in the future, would you choose one as a companion? If no, why not? If yes, who would you like them to be based on?

What is the weirdest thing someone has every told you they like about you?

Which would you choose, and why: Bring your favorite character(s) to life? Or transport yourself into their world?

If you had to become immortal, what age would you choose to “die” and remain forever, and why?

What are your thoughts on Pluto? Is it a planet? or just a rock?

What is one thing you wouldn’t trade for $1,000,000 (or equivalent in your currency)?

And here are my long-ass answers for Melodieee:

Q1. Have any unpopular opinions? Now’s the time to say them. It doesn’t matter what they’re about; whether or not you think people will care about them, or if it’ll change people’s perceptions of you. Just let ‘em fly.

a:- Okay so…I don’t…really like Autumn…and it might…MAYBE..be my least favorite season…?? ? (I’m sorry, I know). I feel like this is particularly offensive coming from me, since I’m currently living in New England, which is well-known for having the most beautiful foliage during Autumn. But there’s only so much pumpkin spice and scarves I can indulge in before I have to face the reality that The Darkness™ is coming. Funny enough, I don’t have much of an aversion to Winter. (That’s a lie.) (I can’t manage during late February - March). (I barely make it to the end of Winter every year). All in all, this article pretty much summarizes my exacts feelings towards Autumn. Beware though, ~* 🚫 Autumn-lovers DON’T Interact! 🚫 *~, you will be enraged. ☕️🐸

Q2. Do you cling to summer, or are you typically more than excited for autumn? (Or do you not have a strong opinion either way?)

a:- Wellll I guess I sorta addressed this in the first answer? Hahaha. Aha. H a. (I still feel bad about it). But I suppose I don’t really cling to summer, because I have this icky tendency to…spoil good things before they are ready to be ruined??? Like “Ahhh, well am I going to feel bad eventually? Might as well get started on that right now!!”. Feeling Bad is the only thing I don’t procrastinate, lmao. But yeah, I don’t cling to summer (I mourn its death prematurely), and I don’t get excited for Autumn, I just do my best not to feel Too bad overall. I definitely don’t cry, because I Am A Big Kid Now.

Q3. What’s something that you’ve been wanting to tell somebody, but haven’t been able/felt ready to? (Of course, if you’re still not comfortable saying it in a public post, then you definitely shouldn’t feel obligated to do it. This is just for fun. ♥)

a:- The funniest thing is that a lot of the things that leave my mouth nowadays are things that I haven’t been ready to say. But I’ve been lucky enough not to word-vomit anything that’s been truly detrimental to my mental well-being. I’m also lucky to have a few amazing people in my life that I’m able to be quite vulnerable with. 

Q4. What would the soundtrack for the film of your life look like? (FOR THOSE WILLING TO TAKE IT UP A NOTCH: if you were to write a Broadway musical about your life, what would some of the songs be titled/be about?)

a:- Let’s see if I can be as dramatic as possible. In terms of a movie soundtrack, I definitely think that the opening scene would be to Tame Impala’s Let It Happen. Once things calm down and fall back into the natural rhythym of grey, expect to enjoy tunes from Radiohead, in particular their track Daydreaming, which plays on repeat in my dissociative head on a regular. When things get desolate, we enjoy The Postal Service’s This Place Is a Prison. When they’re comedic (see: manic), we’re jamming to some Manfred Mann’s Earth Band!! If I could be selfish, I would find my Big Love and/or purpose, and the soundtrack would lighten up with sounds from Coldplay and Active Child. Also, because I am quietly just as dramatic as our favorite witch Georgi Popovich, a few of my Broadway musical song titles include “Sometimes Fireworks Are Silent”, “I’m Sorry For A LOT Of Things, But This Isn’t One Of Them”, “Some Of Us Taste Colors”, “Tequila (TEQUILA)”, and of course “2D Drawings Are As Strong A Medicine As Any”, which has a b-track “Music Is Morphine (Which is Also a Poison)”.

Q5. What’s a poem, story, or song lyric that you think about often? What about it captivates you?

a:- I’ll give you an entire song full of lyrics: The song Bloodstream, which is so aptly named for how deeply I feel it whenever I listen to it. It epitomizes the concept of soulmates for me, which I don’t believe is always a “happy-go-lucky” scenario, sometimes soulmates are just that - a split of your soul, a piece of you in another body, no sparkles and lovehearts, just another self in another form whose destiny is entwined with your own. As someone who isn’t sure they believe in soulmates irl, here’s why the song strikes me - The vocals are a bit eerie, and ever-so-slightly tired. It must be exhausting searching for a missing half. The recurring piano chords in the verses of the song make it feel a little bit like a memory. I imagine that’s what Deja Vu sounds like, which I find to be fitting when you think about all the subtle instances that have connected your life with someone else’s without you even noticing, but sometimes you just feel it. Then comes the chorus, more profound in its intensity, and all of a sudden it’s the realization hitting you like “Ahh, yes. This is the one I can’t live without. I see it now”. And then there’s the bridge, the melody changing again, acting as a flashlight as you wade through the murkiness of Doubt and Uncertainty, and leading you finally to the door of Acceptance. And once you’ve accepted it, and really digested the fact that you aren’t alone, you just float along - adrift but comfortable, because you realize that you aren’t drowning like you thought you would, or like you’ve been all this time. (That was cryptic AF, what does All That even mean??). Idk. I just feel the song deeply and I’m not really sure how to express why. 🎭

Q6. If you had to epitomize yourself with a Wikipedia article title, what would it be?

a:-I think may be Learned Helplessness.

Q7. What do you daydream about?

a:- I have two persistent daydreams lately. One is to lay in a meadow and just rest in a shady spot with the sun’s warmth peeking through the foliage, probably for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in a time loop if it meant existing somewhere like this or this. I actually have this one saved as my desktop wallpaper at work. I stare at it throughout the day and it brings me peace. The second daydream is imagining what it would be like to go out and get roaring drunk with Yuuri and Pichit. Like…can you imagine the shenanigans??

Q8. What’s your go-to character/kart/track in Mario Kart? (ANY ITERATION)

a:-Toad…..and raiNBOW ROAD BINCH!!! FIGHT ME. #ChaoticEvil

Q9. What’s something people would be surprised to learn about you?

a:- IRL? People would be shocked that I’m pan/bi. Literally no one knows. Friends and family respect that I consider myself asexual, or at least non-sexual, but no one actually knows that I’m not straight. I have hinted on occasion, but growing up in one of the most homophobic and heteronormative societies means that if people haven’t seen you date anything but cis-gendered men (even if it was only for 6 months when you were 14 years old??) then it means you’re straight. Straight until proven otherwise (and simultaneously shunned by extended family for being The Gay Cousin™ ).

Q10. If you could name a crayon/nail polish color, what would it be, and what would the color be?

a:- Tbh, I’m the least creative when it comes to these things, so most likely it would be some sort of holographic sparkly fluorescent pink color, and the name would be “Trophy Husband” (because it reminds me of Victor).

Q11. What’s a question you wish I would’ve asked? ASK/ANSWER IT HERE.

a:- AHHHH THE PRESSURE idk IDK. Ummmmm how about “What do you like most about following me?”. And the answer would be that your tags and writing in general just hit me right in the feels, every. damn. time. Your sense of humor is also A+, it’s never mean-spirited, and you just generally provide a safe space for me to exist comfortably at the end of each day. You’re also incredibly observant, and I feel like I’m a slightly bigger and more important speck in this universe because of you. Thank you for being here ❤️.

THE END.

[merlinficreview]

The Student Prince Chapters 16-20 Review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Chapter 16

This chapter opens with Merlin waking up with a massive hangover. Arthur helps orient us, and Merlin, since he’s currently not sure of anything. “It's Raisin Monday. We've got to go to Morgana's place.” Thanks, Exposition Arthur!

Arthur then quickly returns to asshole mode and pulls the covers off of Merlin. “Arthur didn't say anything for a long moment, and Merlin cracked his eyes open just a little. Arthur was staring at his throat, and he'd gone rather white. Merlin lifted his fingers stiffly and rubbed the spot Arthur was looking at, which felt sore, and Arthur flinched, and looked quickly up at Merlin's face, and then away.” Ahh yes, a hickey. How embarrassing. Though if some dude is biting and sucking your neck so hard that it hurts the next day, that’s way too excessive. Arthur can fuck off with his jealousy though.

Merlin suddenly remembers the previous night and things get awkward. Arthur walks away to take a shower.

You know, I’m sitting here thinking about this whole Raisin Weekend thing, and I’m not sure why they would make the final thing on a Monday when people have classes. Wouldn’t it make sense to have the tea party and get together with Academic Dads on Saturday and then this shaving cream fight thingy on Sunday? Monday isn’t even part of the weekend. So it’s not really a weekend thing because they didn’t even do anything on Saturday.

As they walk to Morgana’s, Merlin brings up Arthur making out with Gwen, “’Look, it was just a snog,’ said Arthur, defensively. ‘We were a bit pissed. Don't start matchmaking.’ And then he reddened, and looked away, and a heartbeat later Merlin remembered the Matchmaker game and Arthur's tongue sliding over the seam of his lips, licking away the powdered sugar from the doughnut that he'd chased there.” Once again, Arthur can fuck off with his nonsense.

Once they get to Morgana’s, they find Gwen, who is dressed as a knight. “They trooped dutifully after her, passing Kay standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of skin-tight white leggings, grumbling under his breath as Helen busily painted him Smurf-blue. Gawain, in matching red leggings complete with white beard, red smurf hat and blue skin, was munching on a bacon roll and reading The Times a few yards away.” I’m honestly just including this because I don’t know what a bacon roll is, but I now really want a bacon and cheese sandwich. Also, good, Kay deserves to freeze his ass off in just a pair of tights.

Anyways, Arthur will be dressed as Merlin and Merlin will be dressed as Queen Guinevere. I tried not to say, “yikes at putting the gay man in a dress and making him the woman,” because I thought I might be overreacting but, “’Come on, Merlin – what are you waiting for? I thought you liked being a queen,’ said Arthur, maliciously. Merlin glared at him.” Soooo yeah. Merlin LIKES this dude? Really? I do have to say, I feel like Morgana switching the outfits around is seriously only an excuse to put Merlin, the gay dude, in a dress. It’s gross.

Then Merlin starts to get undressed to put on his outfit and Morgana notices his hickey, “’Oh – er, well, yeah,’ Merlin said, meeting Morgana's amused gaze with a rueful one. ‘Um. Edwin, if you must know. He's a PostGrad? He, er, plays World of Warcraft.’ ‘Oh! Edwin!’ Her grin broadened. ‘Yes, he's rather good at World of Warcraft.’ Her mouth twitched. ‘As a matter of fact, I heard he was pretty good at macramé too.’” Haha Good one, Morgana.

Exit Gwen and Morgana while the boys start getting undressed, “’So – that was Edwin, last night,’ said Arthur, a few minutes later. ‘Your friend. From GaySoc.’” Is now really the time to talk about this, Arthur? How awkward discussing the guy you’re fucking with the dude you wish you were fucking who sent you out MAJOR signals right before making out with your best friend, who then caught you almost fucking said guy, before running away in a fit of jealousy, all the while this discussion is taking place, the two of you are getting naked.

Merlin agrees with me, “Merlin didn't particularly appreciate being questioned about his love life by Hottie McHotterson when he was in the act of dropping trou, but apparently the universe was not being run with his happiness in mind.”

Merlin of course can’t get his wig on and gives up after one try. Then Arthur of course has to help him. Which of course ends up with Arthur all up in Merlin’s space, which his hands all over Merlin’s neck. Of course. Sure. Makes total sense.

Arthur continues to interrogate Merlin about Edwin, asking if Edwin is Merlin’s boyfriend. Merlin says that they are just fuckbuddies. Which shocks and embarrasses Arthur. That’s what you get for being an asshole.

Then Arthur keeps on going but, he makes a good point, “’Oh,’ he said, in a strangled voice, fiddling with his beard. ‘Well, that's – cool. I suppose.’ He frowned. ‘He looked quite old,’ he said. Merlin shrugged. ‘He's thirty. Which means he's pretty sorted, and very experienced. Also, he does a lot of yoga. Tantric yoga. There is no bad to this.’ He watched Arthur's face colouring up. ‘Is that enough? Or do we need to go into exhaustive detail here?’” Now, Merlin is in the right with his, “is that enough?” comment because Arthur is being a nosey little jerk. However, I think it’s hella sketch that a “sorted” and “experienced” THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN is fucking around with an 18 year old. That shit is suspicious and super gross. We knew that Edwin was in graduate school so I expected him to be around 23-25, which is still a little weird when hooking up with an 18 year old but fucking yikes at him being 30. What the fuck are you doing, Edwin? Merlin is basically a child. Yikes to the max.

So Morgana comes in and says it’s time for Merlin’s makeover. I don’t get why only Merlin is the one wearing makeup here. She could totally paint some stars and moons all over Arthur’s face or something too. Oh wait, yes I do know why Merlin is getting makeup, because he’s the GIRL. Silly me.

Chapter 17

“’I dunno – I think he actually makes quite a shaggable bird,’ said Owain, looking Merlin up and down in some surprise. ‘Nice tits.’ ‘They're built into the dress,’ said Merlin, irritably. ‘I didn't grow them specially, you know.’” This made me laugh. Good job, Merlin.

So then Blanche and Morgana start talking about Merlin’s padding and feeling him up. Let’s talk about that for a minute, shall we? It’s gross. Don’t fucking do that. Merlin is clearly uncomfortable while Blanche and Morgana are touching the padding in his dress and they are just ignoring him and going about their business. I don’t care that it’s just padding that they are touching and not actually a part of Merlin. They are currently on his body. You would NEVER do that to a woman, whether she was wearing padding or not, unless she gave you permission. Because boys and girls, touching someone in a way they don’t want to be touched is sexual assault. This is portrayed as a funny scene though, with Kay even taking a photo. We are supposed to just laugh at Morgana and Blanche feeling up Merlin’s breast padding though because he’s a man, so it’s fine. Yeah, it’s not fucking fine. Don’t touch people without their permission. Period.

Now let’s talk about this: “’Hello? Standing right here, thank you very much!’ snapped Merlin, as Kay took a photograph. ‘Oh, Christ. Tell me that isn't going on Facebook,’ said Merlin, without much hope. ‘Of course it's going on Facebook, Emrys,’ said Kay, pityingly. ‘Wonderful.’ ‘Oh, shut up. You actually look almost fuckable, for the first time in your pathetic life.’ Merlin felt his jaw drop, and was conscious that several other heads had turned to stare at both of them. But mostly at Kay.” Ok. So not only is this sexual assault occurring with SEVERAL people watching and finding it hilarious, Kay is taking a photo of it with the purpose of it going on the internet. This is not cute. It’s not funny. It’s not a lighthearted “LOL Merlin, the gay man, is dressed as a WOMAN!!! Let’s fondle his padded bra while he is clearly upset about it and just continue doing whatever we want because it’s funny!!” moment. Stop. Just stop. Now, let’s talk about Kay’s comment about Merlin being fuckable. I am honestly unclear on what the author was trying to achieve with that. Considering how homophobic Kay is towards gay men, Merlin in particular, I find it incredibly out of character and unbelievable that Kay would say that. Is this supposed to be the beginnings of a redemption arc for him because it’s the worst redemption arc ever in the history of redemption arcs.

Anyways, someone, it’s not assigned as being said by a particular person, gives us the skinny as to what’s going to happen, “So – it's off to visit your Academic Fathers to collect your Raisin Receipts, and then on to Foamageddon in Sallies Quad. But before we do that – group photo!”

They make it to Lance’s and Gwen gives us some surprising information, “’Er – thanks for, you know. Seeing me home last night,’ said Gwen, looking distinctly flustered.” She says this to Lance by the way. So not only did Arthur use her to make Merlin jealous/reject him/what the fuckever his dumbass nonsesnsical reasoning was, he left poor drunk Gwen alone and didn’t even help her home. PRINCE FUCKING CHARMING, YA’LL.

The “receipts” that Lance provides them with are all on recycling bins and they all have some sort of Latin phrase on them. Google is about to edumacate me on what these receipts are supposed to be because we have no Exposition Character to fill us in.

So this is the website I found and it might have been the site I used earlier when I looked up Academic Moms and Dads my bad for not including it in that post:

https://owlcation.com/academia/St-Andrews-University-traditions

So according to this, traditionally, seniors could ask freshmen for a pound of raisins on Raisin Monday. Once the freshmen gave out their Raisins, they would get their “receipt” from the seniors and could no longer be asked for raisins anymore. It’s not really stated on that site, but it seems that the tradition has just transformed so now the Academic Dad’s give them embarrassing receipts to carry around and there’s not an exchange of raisins at all anymore. Sure.

We get some more information that isn’t really mentioned on the website, “’I'm afraid that if anyone feels like being a git, they can still demand you show them the receipt and then dunk you in the fountain for the mistake,’ Lance apologised.” So I guess if your receipt has incorrect Latin or incorrect information, the seniors can throw the freshmen in a fountain. Which seems mean since the freshmen aren’t the ones who write the receipts so it wouldn’t be their faults. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s November. Cold.

As they walk around, Merlin bitches about how stupid Raisin Monday is and how just because something is a tradition, it doesn’t mean it should be followed. Which I 100% agree with. Some traditions are rooted in some pretty gross and unacceptable practices. On the less depressing side, a lot of traditions aren’t even followed correctly. They are like bastardized versions of the tradition itself. I had this conversation when one of my friends got married. She insisted on wearing a white dress because it was “tradition.” I had to tell her, “you know white isn’t even technically that old of a tradition when it comes to wedding dresses. You know what else is ‘tradition’ and the entire reason of wearing white on the wedding day? Virginity. Just saying.”

Well that went way off the point I was trying to make. So, even though I agree with Merlin, he needs to take a look at his current audience, which includes the Prince of Wales, who is part of a traditional and (and pretty useless in these modern times, if we are being honest) monarchy.

Merlin soon spots an Academic Family composed of Arthurs. Which I think is pretty funny and so does Merlin. Arthur is less than impressed. “’What do you mean, it's me?’ demanded Arthur, crossly. ‘It looks nothing like me!’ ‘He's wearing a blond wig, and aviator shades, and a jacket just like the one you were wearing yesterday, and a crown with a load of Latin on it for a Raisin Receipt and – oh, God, no, look! Look what they've done! It's not just him! The whole family are all you! Only different varieties, see? Look, he's Football-playing-Arthur, and he's Jogging-on-the-beach-Arthur, and she's Pilot-Arthur, and that poor bastard over there must be Water-polo-Arthur. And that one in the suit of armour is – er – do you ever wear armour?’ ‘That's King Arthur. Like me,’ said Gwen. ‘The other one.’” I think that’s pretty cute.

“Right! Ha! That is genius! Oh my God – you should go over there and out yourself! Say 'I'm Arthur' and we could have a whole "No, I'm Arthur! No, I am, no I am, no, I am' thing! Like Spartacus!" I agree with Merlin. That would be hilarious and all in good fun. Arthur has to be a stupid party pooper about it though, of course.

They arrive at the Quad where the big shaving cream fight is going to take place. Merlin says he is going to get Arthur covered in shaving cream for “vengeance.” Arthur asks what the vengeance is related to, “’Vengeance for – for the flooding of the Tryweryn Valley to make a bloody reservoir for you English!’ said Merlin, because he couldn't exactly say ‘Vengeance for flirting with me and then getting off with one of my best mates, you git’.” Too bad Merlin didn’t have the guts to actually say that second one because he would be 100% in the right there.

The clock strikes and Merlin runs away. Arthur chases him, obviously, and Merlin turns around to stand his ground, “Arthur took this in, and didn't slow down a jot. Merlin hadn't quite realised his intention until the idiot barreled right into him and the two of them went sprawling in a tangle of flailing, overdressed limbs. And then in an embarrassingly short time Merlin found himself pinned to the grass with Arthur straddling his waist, both wrists clasped in one slippery grip above his head, and Arthur grinning down at him. The beard dangled in Merlin's face and he twisted away and blew ineffectually at it.” NORMAL PLATONIC BRO STUFF. MOVE ALONG. Arthur sprays Merlin’s entire face and chest with the shaving cream. Then Arthur takes off Merlin’s wig and starts massaging the shaving cream into Merlin’s hair. As bro friends do.

“’Oi, Arthur, stop trying to fuck the chav,’ yelled Kay, and Merlin watched all the laughter and gentleness fall right off Arthur's face to be replaced by a shocked, half-frightened expression. He let go of Merlin's wrists and pushed himself away as if Merlin had suddenly become contagious, and Merlin felt all the sunlight vanish from the day with that jerky, horrified rejection.”

Fuck you, Kay. But double fuck you to Arthur. Poor Merlin. He deserves so much better. Arthur runs away and Merlin has to spend the rest of the fight pretending to be ok. Poor dude.

Chapter 18

“It struck Merlin as massively unfair that people were still expected to attend their lectures and tutorials that afternoon, once they'd all stumbled and squelched back to their respective Halls of Residence and had showers.” That’s what I said earlier! So Merlin is feeling very sad because Arthur is pretty much ignoring Merlin after the shaving cream incident. I don’t blame Merlin. Merlin needs to find someone else, and by that, I don’t mean Almost Twice his Age Edwin.

“Merlin registered, almost absently, that Gawain really was, objectively speaking, a very attractive bloke indeed. He'd known this, obviously, but hadn't given it much thought one way or the other; his current state of undress, however, even with all the paint and foam and ridiculous beard, revealed a six pack of truly exceptional dimensions; he was beginning to get an inkling of why Morgause had developed a bit of a soft spot for Gawain.” Merlin can run off with Gawain. Problem solved. I feel like in about 90% of the fics I read, I want Merlin to leave Arthur, who is usually a great big asshole to Merlin, and run off with Gawain. Also, just want to point out that Gawain is described as being “half a foot taller than Arthur”. Which kills me because Eoin Macken is like the shortest of the Knights.

Again, this was written before Gwaine’s character was introduced on the show but still.

Merlin asks Gawain (which is really hard to type by the way since I’m so used to Gwaine, so sorry if there’s any typos) how his time with his Academic Dad went the previous night, “’There were more drinking games,’ Gawain said, in a tone that spoke volumes. Merlin winced. ‘And then Kay got into a fight with one of Tristan's flatmates, and fell down the stairs.’” Good.

Gawain looks at Merlin’s hickey and gives him kind of subtle warning to be careful with his feelings; I think he thinks Arthur gave Merlin the hickey. When Merlin gets back to his room, Arthur is there and he basically just ignores Merlin. Asshole.

Later, Merlin is hanging out with Gwen asking her about Arthur. Gwen tells Merlin she made out with Arthur because he was there, “’I know," she said. ‘But – but Lance never flirts with me. I don't think he even realises I'm a girl. And Arthur was there, being all hot and flirty, and, you know Prince Arthur, for Christ's sake. Who wouldn't flirt right back for all she was worth?’ She bit her lip. ‘Is this weird? Are you pissed off with me? I mean – I know you think he's hot, but you're not...’ She gave an embarrassed half-laugh. ‘You're not in love with him, or anything, right? And, you know, he's straight, so...’” so this kind of solidifies my annoyance with Gwen. She clearly knows Merlin has a thing for Arthur and just kind of brushes it off with, “well he’s straight so it’s not like it’ll ever happen for you…” Not cool Gwen. Don’t be such a shitty friend.

I don’t know why Merlin doesn’t straight up say to both Lance and Gwen, “I know for a fact that they are into you because they have explicitly told me.” I would be so over their annoying, “but they don’t like me!!!!” at this point I would probably stop being friends with both of them.

Gwen tells Merlin that the makeout session with Arthur sucked. “’Well – sorry, no, that sounds a bit awful, doesn't it? I'm not saying that he's a bad snog, just that – er, do you want the sordid details?’ ‘Apparently I have a previously unsuspected streak of masochism a mile wide, so – yeah. Hit me,’ said Merlin.” I mean, that is Merlin almost literally admitting he has a thing for Arthur. Gwen said the kissing was bad because there was no spark.

Merlin asks Gwen if she and Arthur slept together and she says they didn’t. Then she asks if the guy Merlin left with was Edwin. “Gwen stole another chip. ‘He's hot,’ she said. ‘Tantric yoga, you said?’” He’s also 30, sis.

I don’t know why Freddie Prinze Jr. is at the end of the gif but it still makes my point.

Gwen leaves to do her nightline thing with Lance. Merlin texts her and is all, “trust me. He’s into you! Ask him out!” and Gwen ignores him. Well, he tried.

Merlin is asleep later that night when Arthur stumbles in, drunk, with Kay and Leon. “’Didn't ask your opinion, Emrys,’ said Kay, without looking at him. ‘Arthur, you can come back to ours, you know, mate. Could bunk with me, if you don't want to stay in here. Not good being drunk around the chav.’” Yup. Because since Merlin is gay, he is a rapist! Better lock up all the menfolk! God I fucking hate Kay so much. And I hate that no one ever puts him in his place and the fact that Arthur and Co continue to hang out with him makes me super suspicious that they secretly agree with Kay’s homophobic views and they feel the same way about Merlin. They can all die in a fire with Merlin cackling gleefully over their burning corpses for all I care.

Kay leaves, praise Jesus, and Merlin starts lecturing Arthur about getting drunk on a Monday night. “’What on earth were you thinking?’ he added, as he fiddled with the tap. ‘It's really not like you to get pissed on a Monday night. You should have been out flying at Leuchars, for God's sakes, not getting hammered! Didn't your liver get enough punishment last night, you lunatic? I mean, God, I don't think I'll be touching alcohol for at least a month, after yesterday – and you're already off on a bender! You're mental, Arthur Pendragon. Must be all that inbreeding.’”

That’s all.

Arthur asks Merlin if he was off sleeping with Edwin that night and Merlin continues on this amazing Brutal Honesty Hour roll: “’Sorry?’ ‘Edwin. I don't like him.’ ‘You've not even met him,’ said Merlin, feeling exasperated and knackered and faintly unhappy. ‘Don't need to.’ ‘What's that supposed to mean?’ Arthur said nothing. Merlin punched his pillow in frustration. ‘Well, luckily you're not my dad, or my boyfriend, or the boss of me, so it doesn't matter whether or not Edwin has your Royal Seal of Approval. Maybe I don't like the redhead you spent the night snogging. So what? Go to sleep, you ass.’” Arthur tells Merlin the night would have been better with Merlin there, “Then bloody well invite me along next time, you git! Honestly, you have no social skills whatsoever, do you? It's not my fault if Kay's crap company. Apparently Kay was who you wanted to hang out with, so you can just suck it up if he's who you ended up stuck with.” Damn fucking straight. YES, MERLIN!!!!

The next day, Merlin has a heartfelt discussion with Gawain that really does sort of tug on the old heartstrings. Merlin tells Gawain that he thinks Gawain was talking about Arthur with the whole, “be careful,” thing. “’Because I think you know something I don't.’ Merlin's eyes narrowed. ‘You've known him since you were little kids, haven't you? You know him better than just about anyone. Don't you want to hear my theory?’ ‘Not particularly.’ ‘I think he likes blokes. I think he likes me.’”  Gawain is all, “well duh he likes you! You’re his bestie!” “Oh come on, Gawain! Please, just throw me a sodding bone here! I don't want to hurt him, or mess things up for him – I'm just trying to make sense of all this, because it's killing me, and I think I've understood it now. He does like me back, doesn't he? It's not just me?” That’s pretty damn sad. Gawain pretty much admits it and tells Merlin tough luck because Arthur is going to be king someday so he doesn’t have a choice but to marry a woman and meet certain expectations. Then for some reason Merlin acts like this is brand new information. Merlin says he feels dumb for needing Gawain to explain that and I agree.

“Merlin blinked. ‘I'm sort of seeing someone anyway,’ he said, after a moment. ‘Sort of.’ ‘Well then.’ ‘He's a PostGrad. A medic. He's researching HIV virus particle production. And he's very bendy.’” HE IS ALSO THIRTY. I’m never going to stop bringing that up.

Pictured: Merlin caring for his ancient boyfriend.

Chapter 19

The boys are hanging out when they spot Lady Viva, who is probably a play on Lady Gaga. Kay makes some gross remarks, Merlin tells him so, and for once someone else, Gawain, agrees. Progress!

Later, Lady Viva shows up at Merlin’s dorm. Which is super weird to me because famous people don’t tend to randomly show up at universities to hang out and meet new people. Also, why is she easily able to find out where Arthur lives? What kind of crap security? Anyways, this makes Merlin uncomfortable and he asks if Arthur is expecting her. Which is the right fucking thing to say, “Lady Viva cocked her head to one side, making the feathers jiggle, and the look she gave Merlin made him feel about two inches tall. ‘I'm here to see Arthur,’ she said again, her voice rising dangerously. ‘Not his monkey.’” Damn, what a bitch. I would have closed the door in her face.

Arthur, for once, decides that Merlin doesn’t deserve to be treated like shit, and goes to the door, pretending he has no idea who Lady Viva is. Lady Viva continues to be rude and entitled. Arthur is having none of it and shuts the door in her face. Good job, Arthur.

Sometime later, Arthur comes home, clearly under a spell because he’s all the sudden got the hots for Lady Viva. Merlin knocks Arthur out and calls Morgana, who starts freaking out because they really need to narrow down what Lady Viva did to Arthur. Morgana wonders how Merlin let this happen, “Oh, I don't know – maybe that he already has a host of paid bodyguards, and the protection of the dragon, and somehow he's managed to reach the age of eighteen without me holding his hand 24/7?” You mean the MacUseless the Dragon because, you’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect him to do anything, Merlin.

Merlin calls Edwin and Gaius in for help and while Edwin and Merlin makeout, presumably over Arthur’s unconscious body, Gaius gets help to figure out how to break the spell. “’It would be, but for the fact that it doesn't actually address our main problem. Because this particular working can only be undone one way.’ There was an embarrassed pause. ‘True love's kiss.’” Get ready for a whole lot of awkward and yikes, headed our way, gang.

There’s some subtle slut shaming from Gaius, “Please tell me that despite reports to the contrary he has acquired a secret girlfriend over the past few months? Not just a casual fling, but something heartfelt and enduring? Something with the power to undo this spell? Tell me that there is some young lady somewhere up there who can help us fix this? Because however ineligible she might be, I very much doubt that it can hold a candle to posing for Playboy wearing nothing but a hat made of telephones and a tiny rectangle of crime scene tape stuck to her nether regions, which I understand is the image for which this Lady Viva is best known.”

Mmmm that gif of Colin.

Where were we? Oh yea.

Merlin hangs up with Gaius and fills Edwin in. Edwin picks up on Merlin’s crush in like two seconds.

Merlin runs over to Gwen’s and freaks out, causing her to freak, out and asks her to come with him. She does because she’s understandably worried about Merlin. They get back to the dorm and Gwen sees Arthur, “’Oh my God – did he take some kind of drugs? Because if you're scared, you need to forget about getting in trouble and we need to get him to a doctor now, and worry about trouble later,’ she said, looking suddenly frightened. ‘Is he – oh, God, is he dead?’” Now it might be because it’s 3 in the morning but, “is he- oh, God is he dead?” is making me laugh really hard.

Merlin asks Gwen to kiss Arthur, “’I thought it was Lance you were trying to fix me up with,’ she said, witheringly, planting her hands on her hips. ‘What on earth are you doing? This is creepy. You are both creeping me out, and I do not have to stand for this kind of nonsense.’” I don’t blame her. This situation is really fucking weird from her perspective. She kisses Arthur and then decides to leave because who wouldn’t after that? “’And you're a freak,’ she said, stiffly. ‘I'm going home.’ She marched over to the door and opened it, looking back over her shoulder at Merlin with an expression of baffled frustration. ‘I don't think I even want to know what the hell this was supposed to prove, other than that you are strange and tactless.’” Lol, good one, Gwen.

After Gwen leaves, Merlin realizes that the kiss didn’t work. Oh no! Edwin tells Merlin to kiss Arthur. Merlin does and it’s all very hot and heavy when Arthur starts kissing him back. “’Oh, God, I do love you,’ he said, helplessly, looking at Arthur's tousled hair and his flushed cheeks. ‘I really really do.’” Poor Merlin; this is all going to come crashing down on him soon, but hey, he’s Arthur’s true love. So, there’s that.

The kiss obviously works and then Merlin does about the saddest and meanest thing ever, “’That's good,’ Merlin said, feeling his throat closing up. ‘Just checking.’ And then his eyes went suddenly molten, and he whispered a word against Arthur's skin, and Arthur's face went slack with sleep, and he slumped bonelessly into Merlin's arms. Merlin let himself have a moment just to hold Arthur tightly, squeezing him as if just by doing that he could make everything else stop mattering, and make this much-vaunted 'true love' actually count for something in the real world. He whispered another word, and with that he sponged the memory of the past five minutes out of Arthur's mind.” Taking Arthur’s memory like that was a really bad idea, though I can understand why he did it.

True story: I typed “true love” in the Tumblr gif finder thingy and that above gif popped up. I was looking for the Rumple from OuaT gif of him saying “True love” but I’m going with this one instead.

Edwin is surprisingly nice about the whole thing. EVEN THOUGH HE IS THIRTY.

Chapter 20

This chapter opens with Merlin running into Gwen. Oh man, I hope he comes up with a good explanation. Gwen turns around and goes the other way. Merlin starts chasing her. Like she is literally running away from him and he is chasing her. She lets him catch up to her, “’I don't think I even want to know,’ she said, after a moment. ‘I just – I don't know what games they've got you playing, Merlin, but I thought you were better than that. I mean, nothing would surprise me from Kay, but you? I don't appreciate being used for a joke, or a bet, or whatever that was supposed to be.’ She looked away, her mouth tight. ‘You made me feel – cheap. And stupid. And left out. Don't do it again.’” Poor Gwen. I don’t blame her for feeling that way at all. Being compared to Kay though? Yikes, worst insult ever.

Merlin decides to go for the truth, “’Okay, well – you mustn't tell anyone this, okay? Because it's sort of, well, huge, and I realise it's going to sound a bit weird at first, but it's true. Um. I'm sort of, well, I'm a wizard, basically.’ He swallowed. ‘And what you did yesterday was helping me to break a spell that someone had cast on Arthur. It was really important.’” She doesn’t believe him and I probably wouldn’t either.

Merlin proves it to her by time travelling them to the 1500s which is pretty cool. Merlin then tells Gwen that Morgana is a wizard too, which is a terrible idea but he realizes that as soon as he says it and tells her not to ask him about anyone else. Gwen tells Merlin that his secret is safe with her and thanks him for trusting her, which is really sweet. Aw.  

Later, “’I can't believe you turned her down!’ said Kay, staring at Arthur like he had two heads. ‘I mean, for God's sake – are you a man or a mouse?’” Neither, Kay. Just gay. Kay continues on his gross misogynistic rants and I’m getting so tired of them. It’s gotten old. Like 19 chapters ago, so I’m just kind of skimming this section for my sanity.

We learn that Arthur was tricked into the spell by accepting candy from Lady Viva’s manager.

That’s it for this post. I’m still not clear as to why this whole thing is called Raisin Weekend when it takes place on half of Sunday and Monday morning. Dressing Merlin up as a woman still makes me roll my eyes. I’m never going to get over Edwin being thirty because that shit is so fucking gross; Merlin is 18. He’s practically a child and Edwin is a grown ass man.

I pretty much said all I needed to say about the scene with Morgana and Blanche feeling up Merlin but I think it bears repeating that that shit was not ok. It’s especially frustrating that the scene is portrayed as a comical scene even though Merlin is clearly upset. That’s one of my major issues with the characterization of Kay as well. He says all these gross things; I think that literally almost everything that has come out of his mouth has been disgusting and yet no one ever really says anything to him. Merlin stood up to him a couple of times in chapter 20 and I think Arthur told him to stop like once. It gives off the feeling that what Kay says is acceptable. It’s not. Nothing he says has been ok. You can have a douchebag character in your writing, I’m not necessarily criticizing the inclusion of Kay’s characterization; however, you can portray these things without making them viewed as acceptable or normal behavior. It’s frustrating to read him say these horrible things over and over and over and over and over and over without anything happening. That’s why I pretty much skimmed the majority of chapter 20. Something important to the plot might have happened that I totally missed but I don’t care. You can only beat us over the head with this horrible person and give us the exact same scene with them spouting nonsense so many times before the reader loses interest. Kay is a piece of shit. We get it.

I liked how Gawain was such a good friend to Merlin during this group of chapters. I hope their friendship continues to develop. I also felt bad for Gwen during the whole kissing fiasco and I’m glad Merlin came clean instead of just making up an obvious lie and losing Gwen as his friend forever. Also, how sad was it that Merlin got to finally be honest with Arthur about his feelings and Arthur was honest about his and Merlin made the decision to erase Arthur’s memory? I’m not condoning that decision, which ultimately backfires, because you should never erase someone’s memory without their permission. It’s gross.

Until next time: