#“hey remember when the same bad thing happened to dean and how bad it was??? yeah”

[sambrosiac]

not now sweetie, mommy's defending sam winchester in the tiktok comments

[lanadelnegan]

The Feeling Was Mutual

Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Female Reader

Summary: You and your former friend and co-star, JDM, pick up where you left off years ago when he joins you on set of TWD. Starting with a dinner date and ending with a quickie in the elevator. Warnings: smut, 18+, unprotected public sex, heavy touching and kissing, angst, sexual tension, *Jeffrey is single

Requested by anon <3

Your heart thumped in your ears when the RV doors opened and the gorgeous man you hadn't seen in 10 years stepped out. You tried to stay in character, purposely replacing your googly heart eyes with fearful ones. You studied his every move, noting the new silver streaks in his hair and beard. His voice was deeper than you remembered and his waist skinnier, but it was a nice look on him.

For the past decade, you've avoided him, focusing on your acting career and pushing your growing feelings for him aside. Things were different now. You were both more mature and further along in your careers. And single. From what you last heard. Not that you were checking up on him.

"Eeny. Meeny. Miny. Moe."

When the end of the barbed-wire bat came dangerously close to the tip of your nose, your eyes finally locked with his. His smug gaze softened and for a moment, you thought he was about to break character. A grin threatened to tug at the corner of your mouth, but you mentally pushed it aside, breaking eye contact to stare at the ground. His smirk grew wider before he walked away from you, continuing his impressive opening speech.

"Cut. Amazing! Let's take a break." Your fellow actors stood to their feet, wiping the dirt off their knees and laughing amongst each other. You did the same, glancing at Jeffrey across the set before grabbing a drink of water. He was busy getting to know the others as they welcomed him to his first day on set.

Your back was turned away from him as you took a sip of your water. You hated yourself for being this shy in front of him, purposely stalling on greeting him with the rest of the cast. There was a time he was one of your closest friends but now you only saw him on social media, occasionally dropping a comment on one of his new posts and him returning the gesture.

"Not gonna go say hi to the new guy?" Norman teased.

"Eventually. You?"

"Met him earlier. Seems like a nice dude."

"Yeah, he's -"

"Walking over here." Norman said quietly, giving you a subtle heads up. Your eyes widened as he tilted his chin up at Jeffrey. "Man, that was awesome. Making us all look bad." Norman joked, earning a chuckle from the tall man next to you.

Jeffrey's hazel eyes quickly skimmed over you before settling on your own. "Hey stranger."

You rolled your eyes, playing off your ridiculous grin as he brought you in for a hug. You were always attracted to him, but this new him did something to you. He looked taller somehow. More confident.

"You know each other?" Norman asked.

Jeffrey rambled off to Norman about the movies you made together while you half listened, too busy soaking in his handsome features and the way the corner of his mouth tilted slightly when he spoke.

"And then, one day, she just.. ghosted me." He said jokingly, bringing his hand to his chest like it pained him.

You felt heat quickly rise to your cheeks. "I dunno if that's what happened." You said casually, hoping he'd drop it. Of course you weren't that lucky.

"You stopped returning my calls and texts. I'd say that's.. exactly what happened." Jeffrey tilted his head at you, resting his hands loosely on his hips.

"Well, you guys enjoy your reunion." Norman interrupted, patting Jeffrey's shoulder before walking away.

"What the hell was that?"

"Wasn't a lie." He shrugged, sipping his can of coca-cola.

"So that's how it's gonna be? You haven't seen me in a decade and you want to start it like this?"

He made a satisfied sigh, swallowing his drink. "This is awkward because of you, darlin'. Not me."

You scoffed. With his new found confidence, he was also apparently an asshole. You turned to walk away but he was on your heels.

"Y/n, wait."

You ignored the loud sigh he made.

"Y/n. Stop, can we just talk?"

You turned to face him, opening your mouth to say something, but quickly realized how close your face was to his. Your mind wandered back to one of the first scenes you shot with him - a kissing scene that involved lots of heavy touching. As if reading your mind, his eyes dropped to your lips then quickly back to your eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said genuinely. "Let's start over. You look.. really great."

"So do you. I.. I missed you." You stepped back a couple inches, allowing some space between you so others wouldn't stare.

"How about we get dinner tonight and catch up?"

You thought for a moment then nodded slightly. "Okay, yeah. That sounds nice."

Later that night...

You decided to keep it casual and eat at the restaurant at the hotel you were both staying at. This was just a friendly outing after all. You had to remind yourself of that a few times while getting ready, keeping your makeup light and your outfit nice but definitely not overdressed.

Your phone buzzed just as you were stepping off the elevator. Digging it out of your purse, you smiled at the name on the screen. You were surprised his number was still saved. And that he clearly still had yours.

JD: Got us a table outside in the back.

The nickname for him in your phone stuck after the filming of a show you did together. JD Richter. You smiled to yourself as you walked, remembering a particular scene you shot together that consisted of a king-sized bed and his body hovering over yours. His lips exploring your neck and collarbone. It was your favorite scene you ever shot with him, for obvious reasons. Partly because of the kissing, but mostly because of the way he whispered your name in your ear while on top of you. You real name, not your character name - so quietly that only the two of you could hear it. Shortly after that scene, your friendship grew apart and it was all your fault. He was right, you had ghosted him - stupidly. But tonight you'd make up for it.

You made your way through the restaurant, finding the door to the back patio. The sun was starting to disappear, but the patio was outlined in greenery and warm sting lights.

He stood when he saw you, pulling out a chair beside him. "You don't have to pull my chair out. This isn't a date." You half teased as you both settled into your seats.

"So there's no chance I'm getting lucky tonight? Shit. I wore my fancy underwear and everything."

Your laughs echoed across the patio, slowly fading when the waiter finally approached. After ordering a bottle of wine and a couple of appetizers to share, you took turns catching each other up on the past decade of your lives. He had been in two semi-serious relationships, one of which was fairly recent.

"The last one, I thought for awhile she might have been the one, but then it just didn't feel right."

"What happened?" You asked curiously, sipping your wine.

He hesitated for a moment. "When I got the call about the Negan gig... I broke up with her shortly after that."

"Choosing your career over your love life?" You chuckled like the idea was ridiculous.

"Sound familiar?" He raised an eyebrow at you.

Ouch. He was right.

"I deserve that." You nodded, popping a pretzel bite in your mouth. "But.. why after you got the Negan call?"

"I - uh.." He hesitated again. "Knew I was about to see you again."

You blushed, feeling his knee brush against yours underneath the table.

"Look y/n, I know you don't wanna talk about it. But I need to know. Why'd you stop answering my calls?"

You knew that question was coming.

The truth is, you needed to focus on your career. You were barely a known actress at the time, and Jeffrey had already made a name for himself. When you started developing feelings for him, you knew you had to distance yourself. You wanted to be known for your work, not your love life.

"Fine. I.. I had feelings for you. That I didn't want to have." You admitted, ignoring his gaze and taking a bite of chocolate cake you were sharing for dessert.

"You should have told me." He said, casually wiping a dab of icing from the corner of your mouth with his thumb. You blushed when he brought it to his own mouth and sucked it off with a quick pop.

"I didn't know if you felt the same way."

"So you preferred never speaking to me again?"

Guilt punched you in the stomach and you felt like the worst person in the world. "No. I made a mistake. And when I realized it, I figured it was too late. You already had a girlfriend." You couldn't believe you were finally saying all of this out loud.

He nodded, deep in thought. "Okay."

"Okay? ...That’s all you have to say?”

“What do you want me to say, y/n?” He asked, avoiding eye contact and signing the tab.

That you had feelings for me too. That the feeling was mutual. That I made a mistake and we should have been together.

“It’s getting late, we should probably head back.” You said instead.

The walk back to your rooms was silent with the exception of him asking what floor you were on. You stared at him as he leaned back against the elevator wall, sliding his hands in his jean pockets. He stared back at you and you wondered what he was thinking, but stubbornly, you weren't going to be the one to speak first. When the elevator doors opened, he motioned for you to lead the way, so you did until you came to a stop at your door.

"Well, thanks for dinner. It was nice." You finally spoke, annoyed that you lost at your little silent game.

He nodded. “Yeah. Any time.”

You opened your mouth again to speak but he was already walking away. “JD.” He stopped, looking back at you over his shoulder.

Come inside. Stay with me. Let's do what we should have done a long time ago.

"...goodnight." You said instead.

"Night, y/n." He disappeared down the hall and you drifted into your room, disappointed and frustrated with yourself.

You kicked off your clothes, replacing them with your favorite silky night gown before falling into bed defeatedly. You closed your eyes, still feeling a buzz from the half bottle of wine you finished.

Imagining Jeffrey on top of you and whispering in your ear, your hand slipped between your legs. You easily rubbed your clit, considering your panties were on the floor with your other discarded clothes.

You were growing hotter by the second until your phone chimed from the nightstand. You sighed, picking it up and squinting at the bright screen.

JD: The feeling was mutual.

Your heart flipped at his confession and you jumped out of bed. You didn't bother slipping on shoes as you flung open your door. You took one step around the corner and immediately slammed into his tall figure.

"Oh.. hey.. I was just.." You rambled nervously, suddenly losing your courage.

"Me too." He said, slamming his mouth to yours and pressing you against the carpeted hallway wall.

He tasted like wine and chocolate cake, mixed with a hint of tobacco. The flavor alone enough to make your knees weak. He devoured your mouth and tangled his tongue with yours until you were breathless. Pulling away slightly, his mouth dipped to your neck, tracing his lips against your sensitive flesh. Your hand reached for his hair while the other wrapped around his wrist and guided it towards your soaked center.

He stopped suddenly, pulling away and looking at you. "Fuck, we can't do this." He ran a hand through his tousled hair.

"Oh.." You said, cheeks flushed. "Right.."

"Here. Someone could see us." He clarified. You exhaled a breath of relief as he guided you quickly to your room, placing his hand on your lower back.

"Oh no.." You panicked slightly, realizing your room key was on the other side of your door.

"Fuck. Come on." He led you to the elevator and luckily you didn't have to wait long before the doors opened and you stumbled inside the small space. His lips were on yours again as he clumsily pressed the button to his floor.

"I don't think I can wait another second to be inside of you." He said against your mouth, running his hand up your thigh and feeling your bare pussy. His finger slid through your wetness. "Fuck baby.."

"Then don't." You fumbled with the belt on his jeans. Pressing his forehead to yours, he helped you quickly unbuckle him.

You almost moaned at the sight of his cock when he pulled it free from his pants. He was rock hard and already leaking precum. Before you could admire it any longer, he lifted one of your legs around his hip and held it there, guiding his length to your slick hole. You were so wet and ready for him, you wouldn't be surprised if you were making a puddle all over the elevator floor.

He rubbed the head up and down your slit, coating his cock in your juices before stopping at your entrance.

"If you want to take this slow, we can."

You shook your head no, eager for him to be buried deep in your cunt already.

"You sure? I could take you back to your room.." He whispered in your ear. "And eat this pretty pussy before I fuck it."

"JD.." You almost yelled. "Please just -"

He pushed forward suddenly, entering you hard with one full thrust and stretching your walls perfectly. Your mouth fell open as he pressed fully against you, his cock buried so deep in your cunt it was almost painful. He let out a hoarse groan before sloppily kissing you again.

"Fuck, doll. You feel fuckin' good."

His hips began moving slowly, allowing you to focus on every inch of him. The elevator door opened for a few moments but he didn't stop. Luckily no one was on the other side and it finally closed.

His movements quickened and the moans from both of you filled the small space. You didn't care that someone was probably watching from the other end of the camera in the corner. Or that you could be caught at any moment and end up trending on the internet. You were too focused on each other. At how amazing he felt inside of you, like his cock was made for you.

"Oh god, fuck. I'm-" You couldn't finish your sentence before your pussy clenched around him and your legs shook beneath you. He watched you, his eyelids heavy as he felt his own release coming.

Suddenly the floor felt like it was falling from under you when the elevator started to descend.

"JD.." You said panicked, trying to push him away. But his grip tightened around your thigh and he continued thrusting, faster.

"JD..!"

Jeffrey stilled, letting out a couple of sharp grunts before spilling his load inside of you. "Fuck.. fuck." He pulled out of you quickly, stepping to the other side of the elevator and zipping himself up in his jeans. He held his wrists over his unclasped belt buckle as the doors began to open.

One would never be able to tell you just fucked.

Besides your flushed cheeks.

And his messy hair.

And the handprint on your thigh.

And the heavy breathing.

And-

The doors slowly departed, revealing Norman standing on the other side.

Oh fuck.

He squinted, eyeing you both suspiciously as he grinned, long enough for the doors to begin to close.

"I'll catch the next one." He said before they shut completely.

You couldn't help but giggle. "Oh my god.. you think he knew?"

Jeffrey took a step towards you, placing his hand on your lower back and pulling you towards him. "Probably. Especially if he noticed my cum running down your legs."

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Raging Storm

Pairing: Dean Winchester x 18!Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: angst, being bullied, harsh insults, being called freak and worthless, someone wanting you to kill yourself, heartbreak

Request by anon: Hey can i request a one shot where the Winchester brothers and Castiel find out that before Michael and Lucifer go to hell they pregnant a woman that died giving birth to the reader (yn) that is the most powerful being in the existence and she is the first hybrid of all species, she is also the embodiment karma and the void, the princess of heaven and hell, the antichrist, Dean Winchester soulmate, the niece of angels and demons, descendant of the pagan gods and four horsemen of apocalypse, and more things and they need to find her because she is so powerful and she can destroy everything but in the end she is super innocent and shy girl???. with fluffy ending.

Summary: You've always been different than everyone else around you but you have no idea why. Things happen around you that you can't control or have no understanding of, but then Dean Winchester comes into your life promising to help make sense of it all.

Square Filled: window for @spnonewordbingo (deleted bingo)

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

This is the third week this month that the sky has been cloudy and gray. It’s fitting since it matches your mood. All you want to do is get through today and go home where you feel the safest. You hate it here. You’re about to graduate but it needs to come faster. You want to get out of this hellhole and away from these hellish people.

You look up and see your school in the distance with people shuffling into the building. God, I hate everyone here. You’re not even sure how it started but you walked into school one day and everyone hated you. The internet talks about bullying and how much it can ruin a person’s life, but you never knew it could get this bad.

You’re not sure why you’re getting bullied. Sure, you’re very timid and shy but you’re one of the nicest people there is. You’re sweet and friendly to everyone, but that doesn’t seem to matter to some people.

You keep your head down even when you get to school, ignoring the stares you get from some people. The first class of the day is science, which you love, but there are three people in that class that make those fifty minutes feel like hell. You take your seat in the very back by the windows when one of the most popular girls in school comes in. She is followed by her two friends who are basically puppies looking for attention.

“Look girls, the neighborhood freak is here.”

Your heart hurts at her words. You’ve always been bullied by her ever since you could remember. You two attended the same elementary school, the same middle school and junior high, and now the same high school. She’s been tormenting you ever since she knew she gained power by her words.

Maybe she senses you’re a bit different than everyone else. You certainly feel that way. Why do you feel different than everyone here? What makes you not the same as everyone else? That’s the reason why you get bullied because you don’t fit in. You don’t dress weird, have a pimply face, or are into weird things. Stacy took one look at you one day and decided you were going to be her target for as long as you let her be in power.

You haven’t found it in yourself to take that from her.

“What, have nothing to say?” she smirks and looks at her friends. “I hear her Daddy hits her while at home. Her whole family is a bunch of freaks.”

That’s not true. Your father loves you dearly. She’s just looking to stir up some drama, and the only way it’ll get worse is if you antagonize her.

“I heard takes poor defenseless animals and cuts them up,” one of Stacy’s friends says.

“You hear that, Freak? Better not get caught or else I might sic Darren and his friends on you. You wouldn’t want to end up like those animals, now would you?”

You put your head down and drown out her words with the beat of your own heart. The cloudy sky hasn’t gone away, in fact, it has gotten much darker since you’ve arrived at school. Stacy and her friends sit down next to you and gossip loud enough for you to hear every word they say.

Freak. Useless. Ugly. Burden. Waste of space. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. Freak. It got so much that you let your emotions get the better of you. Tears would stream down your face if you weren't in front of a bunch of people. Your heart jumps out of your chest just as all the windows in the classroom shatter around you, causing everyone to scream and back away from it. You stay seated, unsure if you did this or if something outside had caused this.

The storm clouds roll in quicker than anyone expects, and a light rain starts falling from the sky. Some of that rain comes inside but you barely feel the water on your skin. You look around at every person who seems scared of you. Maybe she’s right. Maybe you are a useless waste of space freak.

School is shut down for the day while authorities figure out what the hell happened. The rain comes down a tad harder than before but if you can get home, you can curl up in bed and pretend the world doesn’t exist.

As you’re walking, someone bumps hard enough into you that you almost go crashing to the ground.

“What did I tell you girls? She’s a super freak. Did you see what she did to those windows? How did you do that?” Stacy asks.

“Please, I just want to go home.”

“Are you a witch? A freak and a witch. God, why don’t you just go kill yourself? The world will be better off without you in it.”

“Please, just let me go home,” you beg.

“I like it when you beg,” she smirks. “Come on, bitch, beg to me like a dog.”

You’re not sure how this happened but you thought of her getting hit by lightning and then she suddenly was. She falls back in a fit of screams while everyone else but you jump out of the way to avoid getting hit. One of her friends ends up calling 911 but you’re already running away from the scene.

The rain pours down harder and lightning strikes near you to reflect how heartbroken you are. It seems like the weather follows exactly how you feel, and right now, you just want the world to swallow you whole. You don’t bother going home in fear you’ll hurt your parents. Instead, you run to the one place you feel safe outside of your own home.

“Alright, I have storms hitting New York and New Jersey, but I don’t think it’s what we’re looking for,” Sam says as he browses his laptop.

“I got a small tornado in Louisana.”

“Anything else?” Sam asks Cas.

“No.”

“Check this out,” Dean says before the group gives up hope. He turns the laptop so that the other two men can see the page he’s on. “There is a small town in Nebraska that is having rolling blackout storms like the city has never seen before, and the windows of the local high school had been shattered without anyone or anything touching it.”

“Do you think that’s her?” Sam asks.

“Gotta be. She’d be in high school by now.”

“There’s only one way to find out.”

The trio gathers everything they can before setting out to Nebraska. They’ve been tracking you ever since you were born because you’re one of the most, if not the most, powerful beings in the universe. You’re the offspring of Lucifer AND Michael when they decided to both have sex with a human woman at the same time. They manipulated their power to create one big super sperm (as Dean likes to put it) in order to create you.

You’re the Princess of Heaven and Hell, the antichrist, and the embodiment of Karma and the Void. If Dean had to guess, you don’t know just how powerful you are, and you don’t. They have to find you before you do something bad like level an entire town because you got upset over something. Your mother died by giving birth to you and your fathers went to Hell after being imprisoned in the Cage yet again.

Your foster family took you in, adopted you, and loved you with everything they got. There’s a reason why you felt so different than everyone else. You’re not human. You’re not like anyone else. You just don’t know why because you were never told what you are or taught how to be what you are.

Sam, Dean, and Castiel try to traverse the storm when they get into town. It’s gotten a lot worse and has residents fleeing from the city to seek shelter elsewhere. No one knows where this storm came from but they are preparing for the worst. The heart of the storm is where you’re at and gets lighter the further out it goes.

They track you to an abandoned farm you often go to when you want to be alone. You found this place while taking a shortcut home and made it comfortable enough for you to spend hours there. Now, you can’t find a big of comfort anywhere here.

The trio gets out of Baby and sees you outside the barn huddled on the ground. The rain is coming down in buckets but that won’t stop the Winchesters and Castiel from talking to you.

“Maybe I should go. You know, angel to half-angel,” Castiel offers.

“No, let me,” Dean says before he can stop himself. “You two stay here.”

“What? Are you crazy?!” Sam gasps.

“Sammy, I got this.” He leaves their side and approaches you slowly and carefully. You look up and see the three strange men which causes you to scoot away from them in fear. “Y/N, you’re okay!”

“Go away! I don’t know you!”

Lightning strikes the ground where Dean is, and he jumps back before he is struck. Sam wants to join his brother’s side but he knows Dean can handle this one alone. Plus, he’ll jump in if it looks like Dean is in trouble.

“Y/N, my name is Dean Winchester. I want to explain what is happening to you.”

“I don’t even know who I am!” you sob. “Go away before I hurt you!” Dean walks closer to you but you feel a sense of warmth coming from him. You can feel that he is a safe person to talk to which is why you allow him to come closer to you. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I feel so lost. I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in!”

“Believe me, I get it. I understand how you feel.” He kneels next to you so you can see him without the rush of rain between you two. “I know what it’s like to feel alone in a room full of people. I didn't think I belonged for a long time. Sometimes, I still feel that way.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” You fall into Dean’s arms and just cry, and he smooths down your drenched hair as a means to comfort you. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

“All I want is to be normal. I didn’t ask to be this way.”

“I know. You’re not alone, Y/N. My brother and I can help you. Castiel over there can help you. We can help you control this.” You sob into his neck uncontrollably. “You’re going to be okay.”

For some reason, you believe him, and the storm calms down just a bit both in your head and outside.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[thebiggerbear]

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that." - CJ Braxton Prompt Response

Summary: You had only meant to call once, remaining anonymous while feeling out the whole helpline thing for yourself. Now, you talk to CJ every Friday night around the same time. When you don't call one Friday, CJ is worried and comes looking for you which presents its own host of problems.

Pairing: CJ Braxton x Female!Reader; CJ Braxton x College Student!Female!Reader

A/N: Prompt from @creativepromptsforwriting (#941). I initially wasn't going to write anything for CJ but this idea popped into my head for this prompt and I just had to write it. And I absolutely fell in love with the dynamic between CJ and the reader (and had so much fun with this). Please forgive any timeline tomfoolery or anything time wise that makes you go "huh?"; I was trying to make this work throughout the season from CJ's entry into the show (and his conversation with Jen about the helpline) to the end.

I wasn't much of a Dawson's Creek person back in the day (I still haven't seen seasons 2-5), so I hope this came out alright. I tried to keep it as 2000-ish as possible. I remember back in the day not everyone had a cell phone like Dawson, Audrey, and Pacey (though a lot of people were getting them moving into the beginning of the decade) so that rule kind of applied here so to speak.

This is meant to take place during s6 before Jen joins The Stand.

Sequel here

Warnings: implied sex; panic attacks; implied anxiety

Word Count: 15k+

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

CJ Taglist: @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx

This was recc'ed by @winchestergirl2 here.

"I hate you." "You have a weird way of showing that."

Soldier Boy version ✨ Beau version ✨ Dean version ✨ Jenny version ✨ Jason version ✨ Tom version ✨ Rachel version ✨ Anael version ✨ Alec version ✨ SDV Leah version

You glanced at the clock, seeing it was 6:59. One more minute and you’d pick up the phone as you did every Friday night and make the call you always did. Your nerves thrummed in anticipation as you stared down the clock, willing the numbers to turn.

Eventually, you got your wish and as soon as the 7 appeared on the clock face you picked up the phone, dialing the number you now knew by heart. After a few rings, the call finally connected. 

“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice. “Hey.”

“There she is.” You could hear his own smile in his tone as he recognized you. “How are you, Jo?”

You winced at the fake name you had given him. At the time, you had quickly scrambled and chose the first name that came to mind. Granted, Joey Potter was in the same school as you so you weren’t too worried about him finding out about either of you seeing as he was from Boston Bay. But as you had talked with him more and more, you really wished you hadn’t given him any name but your own. Even if you were beyond terrified; you felt bad for lying to him.

Why should it matter, right? He was a volunteer counselor for a teen helpline at another college. Why would you care what this one person thought out of you?

Well, unbeknownst to him, you had seen him once and you knew who he was. Thanks to Joey and Audrey’s friendship with Jen, you had come to hear quite a bit about the cute tall guy whose voice made your heart rate speed up way too fast. Jen had even invited him out to a house party and that was when you saw him for the first time. Your nerves got to you and you bounced before one of your friends could make an introduction. Partly because you were afraid he would recognize you from your voice and immediately put a face to the name and possibly be disappointed or worse: he’d know you lied to him. So you avoided him at all costs — well, in person.

It wasn’t like you had planned for this to happen, where you would call a helpline weekly just to speak to a certain boy. That’s not how this started at all.

When you got to Worthington, you were homesick, overwhelmed, and overall terrified. While you eventually eased into the college student lifestyle and Boston was now home, you never really got past the overwhelmed feeling, and terrified had dialed down to being anxious all the time: anxious that you would mess up, anxious that you would fail, anxious that your future wouldn’t turn out the way you planned — all of it. There were days you felt like you were just scraping by, barely making a passing grade (though your final grade usually proved you wrong), and you felt like you were some sort of imposter who was soon to be found out and didn’t really belong. Meeting Joey and her roommate, Audrey Liddell, who lived down the hall from you, helped some, and their introducing you to their group of friends helped even more. But there were still times that you just felt…tightly wound and about to snap. As if you had too many balls in the air and you were about to trip, and all the balls would fall to the ground.

So when Jen mentioned to the group about some guy wanting her to join a teen helpline for the college, you quietly paid attention. She laughed it off — his approach, not the helpline — and she didn’t think she would be right for it so that was that. While everyone else began to talk and laugh about another topic, the wheels in your head slowly started to turn inside your head. A helpline where you could remain anonymous and talk to someone who would listen and could possibly even help. You knew your school most likely had one of those but you wouldn’t even dream of risking it. But a helpline elsewhere where you could talk to someone who maybe understood how you were feeling most of the time, maybe experienced similar things, and you were able to stay anonymous? That you could look into.

After much back and forth in your mind over it, you took the leap and made the call one Friday night after a particularly rough week. You really didn’t think anyone would pick up, it was close to 7:00 and most college kids were either out or getting ready to go out…right?

Before you could answer your own question to yourself, the line connected.

“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”

You did what any other person would do; you promptly hung up. You stared at your phone in terror. Someone had picked up. A guy. Just when you were convincing yourself that this was stupid and you needed to take a chill pill and deal.

You argued with yourself in your head for about another minute, hemming and hawing over it all. Wasn’t the whole point of you calling to try to do something about how you’d been feeling? You supposed you could always see a therapist here in town but that could be costly, even with insurance. You also had no desire to tell your parents because they would respond the same way they did the last time you tried to allude to how overwhelmed you were when you had returned home for the summer.

“You should be grateful you got into such a great school, Y/N. Most people would kill to be in your position, going after their degree. You don’t see your classmates moping about, do you? Just because they have classes and homework,” your mother had made sure to prick you with that pin of guilt. “Make the best of it.”

“You know what I think? I think you need to get yourself some friends and then you’ll stop focusing on this so much. If you have nothing to fill your time, of course your mind is going to obsess over what you’re viewing as negative. Try to join a club or a social group. They have keggers all the time. I remember back when I was in college. It was party city every weekend. Maybe let loose a little one of these Saturday nights and things will start to get better. And who knows? Maybe you’ll even make some friends.”

“Thanks, Dad,” you mumbled, tossing your overeasy egg onto its side with your fork, your eyes trained on your plate. You knew he was just trying to help — they both were — but their attitude seemed to imply that you could simply hit an off switch somewhere and you’d stop feeling so overwhelmed. If only.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to take their advice. You had gone to some frat party and it had been one of the worst experiences of your life. You weren’t a big drinker and you weren’t really a party person in general. You didn’t really recognize anyone from your classes or your dorm and the music was so loud, it seemed like a ridiculous notion to try to approach someone and start a conversation. Not something you were very good at anyway. You had no idea how to play the drinking games you saw, other than what you’d seen on TV, and you didn’t want to do something to mess up anyone’s scores if you didn’t do it right. Then some hulk of a guy accidentally knocked into you, deluging you in beer, and he was so drunk, he didn’t even apologize, just kept on going. After about an hour (and the unintended beer bath), you decided to call it quits.  

That night, you had gone back to your dorm room which was blissfully empty, taken a hot shower, and then sobbed into your pillow. So much so that when a drunken Audrey accidentally stumbled into your room, she saw your tear-stained face when your head snapped up and immediately asked what was wrong and why you were crying in her room of all things. Despite the back and forth over whose room it actually was and her drunken state along with the slurring of her words, you two actually kind of hit it off. Before long she had you laughing, something you felt like you hadn’t done in some time. She passed out in your roommate’s bed, much to your roommate’s chagrin, but when Audrey’s boyfriend and roommate came to get her the next morning, you figured that had been it. Your one social interaction with someone who didn’t look at you as an unwanted intruder every single day (like your roommate) or like you were some loner weirdo (like most of your classmates). You knew that Audrey would probably either ignore you the next time she ran into you or she wouldn’t remember you at all. 

Boy, had you been wrong. The day after her hangover, she had been knocking on your door, smiling and telling you that you were going out with her for the night. Just like that. She introduced you to her roommate, Joey, and their group of friends. You had been inducted into their group of friends, just like that.

Eventually, Jen mentioned the helpline that one night and now here you were, staring at the phone as if it was about to come to life and do a dance or something. You waited a few more minutes, deciding you’d try again and hopefully get someone else. There couldn’t be only one person answering phones at a helpline, could there? That would make for some backed up phone traffic and not a good look for a helpline at all. Maybe you’d be lucky and the guy would have already had another caller he was speaking to so another counselor would have to pick up.

When the clock turned to 7:11, you slowly picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and dialed the number again. You began to jiggle your leg as you waited for the line to connect.

“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”

Oh crap. You froze.

“Hello?”

What did you do? You wanted to hang the phone up again but you were unable to. 

“Hello?” He asked again.

No. You were going to be a mature adult about this and answer him. Just as soon as you could breathe. You covered the mouthpiece with your hand and exhaled a breath.

“Look, if you’re in trouble or can’t talk, just hit a button. Any button will work.” A minute passed while you were trying to breathe, getting ready to talk. “If you don’t have a crisis and you’re not calling to speak to someone here, then I think you should hang up and let other people who need us call in. No use in tying up the phone lines.”

Another minute passed. You really were trying your hardest to get words out but your chest was tight and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your heart was racing yet you were frozen. This happened sometimes but usually you were by yourself, not with someone waiting for you to speak on the other end of the phone line. It also happened a couple of times while you were out with your friends, but usually you hid out in a bathroom stall until it passed and then you left to go back to your dorm with the excuse of a test the next day or a project due, whatever you could come up with on the fly. You didn’t understand why it was happening to you right now, though.

“Alright, I’m going to hang up now.”

You smashed a key on your phone so fast that you heard a loud annoying sound in your ear. Immediately, the guy’s tone changed. 

“Okay, I’m here. If you’re in trouble, hit the key again. If you’re not but can’t talk at the moment, don’t hit it.”

You didn’t hit any more keys and gasped for air that just wasn’t coming.

“Good. I’m glad you’re okay. Is someone in the room with you and that’s why you can’t talk? If so, hit the key again.” 

You moved over to your bed and laid down. That was the fastest way to get your body to relax when you had the option you’d found out.

“Okay, so you’re alone but you can’t talk but you’re not in trouble. Can you just try to say one word or make a sound so I know you’re really okay?” 

You removed your hand from the mouthpiece. “T-Trying,” you rasped out. Holy crap, this was a bad episode you were having. You were completely mortified. Perhaps you really should hang up. You were worried, though, that now he might notify someone or think you really were prank calling the helpline. Either way, you were bound to get in trouble and even more embarrassed, and that just made your chest tighter.

“Okay. That’s good. I’ll take that. Do you have asthma or something similar?” 

Great. That’s how bad you’d sounded; he thought you might actually have some sort of breathing issue. Well, technically, you were struggling to breathe right now so it made sense that he would think that but if he only knew the actual answer was something that was beyond ridiculous and couldn’t be explained away as something as serious as asthma. 

“No,” you whispered, rubbing at the spot in your chest where a mix of discomfort and a heavy-rock-feeling sat. 

“And you’re sure you don’t need to go to the hospital to get checked out?” He sounded concerned now. 

“No,” you repeated, staring up at your ceiling, your vision blurring with building tears. All you wanted to do was give this helpline thing a shot since nothing else seemed to be working, and here you had gone and made it so much worse. On top of that, you were frustrated that you couldn’t even do something as simple as answer a person when they said hello on a phone call that you made to them. What was wrong with you? 

“Okay. That’s good. Why don’t I talk for a minute so you can relax?” A tear slipped down your cheek when you realized he must have heard your heavy exhales over the phone. “Like I said before, my name is CJ. I’ve been with the helpline for a while now. I’m here four days a week. I try to schedule shifts around my classes and pick up a few extra when I’m able. Before you called, I was doing some reading for my Philosophy class. It’s not my major but I had to take another humanities course. It was that or religion so…philosophy it was.”

You closed your eyes and focused on his voice. It was actually very soothing and it was helping.

“Between you and me, I’m not the best student.” Your eyes opened and you stared at the ceiling, listening intently. “I mean, I do okay in terms of grades, but I’m not exactly a frequent flier on the Dean’s list.” He chuckled and after a moment, he asked, “How about you?”

You swallowed, feeling the slightest bit of easing up on your chest, almost if it was allowing the words through. “I do okay.” You didn’t sound as raspy as before but you still had a faint wheeze at the end. You were coming out of this, slowly but surely.

“That’s good. College sure isn’t easy, by any means. When midterms roll around, I always get a little more stressed. I usually have to blow off some steam to keep it all balanced, you know? Or else I get easily overwhelmed. I have to remind myself to take it one class at a time, one day at a time. But easier said than done sometimes, right?”

“Right.” You knew what he was doing but since it seemed to be helping, you played along. He was getting to the heart of the issue while also giving you time to come back down. You’d only been on the phone with him for close to ten minutes and already you felt much better than you had when the call started. 

“How are you feeling? Any better?”

“A little.” 

“Good.” He sounded genuinely pleased. “Is my being the one to talk helping any?”

“Actually…yeah,” you breathed out. 

“Does this happen a lot?”

You bit at your lip, not really wanting to admit it, but you had called for this very reason, hadn’t you? “Yeah.”

“Around midterms or anytime?”

“Anytime.”

“Even when you’re not in school?”

“Sometimes,” you whispered. “But mostly when I’m here.”

“So school related then?”

“Kind of.”

He was quiet for a moment and you wondered if you had said something wrong or if he was looking instructions up in a pamphlet or something for this sort of thing. 

“Hey, did you see Phantom Menace when it came out last year?”

That caught you off guard. You hadn’t expected to switch gears so quickly. “Um, no?”

“You’re not a Star Wars fan, I take it?”

He didn’t sound disappointed so you chalked that up to being a good thing. Most guys you’d met either were completely into Star Wars or weren’t into it at all. “I don’t know if I’d call myself a fan but I’ve seen the original movies.” 

“Uh oh, you’re not one of those prequel snobs, are you?” He teased.

“No? I just saw the trailer and I wasn’t interested.”

“Well, a buddy of mine and I went to see it when it came out. The theater was packed. I’m talking bursting at the seams.” A small smile started to creep onto your face at his energy. “And when the lights went down and the opening credits started rolling and the music started up, everyone was cheering and clapping. It was pretty awesome. My buddy ended up loving it. He’s the biggest Star Wars fan you’ve ever met.” A moment later he asked, “So besides anything in a galaxy, far far away, have you seen any other movies that came out?”

“I went to see The Green Mile. My, uh, my dad is a big Tom Hanks fan and a Stephen King fan so he really wanted to go.”

“And you?”

“I liked it. Though it was sad.” 

“I didn’t see it yet but I got the feeling that it was going to be a bit of a heavy one.”

“It was, but it was worth it.” You noticed then that you were talking to him normally, you were breathing normally, your chest was still a little tight but that was to be expected, and you were sitting up with your back to the wall. You had gotten through your latest episode and this CJ had helped. Perhaps there was something to this helpline thing after all.

“I’m definitely going to check it out then. Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.”

Almost as if he had heard your thoughts, he then said, “You sound a lot better than earlier. Hopefully, you’re feeling better, too?”

“Um, yeah.” You anxiously tucked your hair behind your ear. “Thanks for earlier, by the way. You know, being patient…”

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Right.”

“So, you feel up to telling me what’s going on and why you called tonight or did you want to talk about something else?”

You bit at your thumbnail, unsure. “I feel bad. I’ve taken up so much of your time already.” You glanced at the clock and saw that you had been on the phone with him now for almost half an hour. 

“Don’t worry about the time and I don’t want you feeling badly.” He sounded completely genuine when he said it and it made you feel a little bit better about monopolizing his time like this. “This is why I’m here. So, if you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

You still weren’t certain you should take him up on his offer. “Are you sure? What if there’s someone else who needs to call in who is having an actual crisis and you’re stuck on the phone with me? I would feel bad if they didn’t get to talk to you when they needed to because of me.”

“I’m not the only one here so if someone else does call in, they’ll speak to one of the other counselors who can help them. While we’re on the subject, what you’re experiencing is just as valid as what anyone else might be experiencing. I’m not stuck on the phone with you, I want to be talking with you and try to help you in any way I can. And yes, I’m sure.”

You contemplated it, turning it over and over in your brain. This was why you called. This was why you decided to give the helpline a try, to speak to a stranger who would listen and possibly be able to help you and if not, at least maybe understand where you were coming from. If he was willing (and he had been helpful so far), then why not?

“Would it help if I promise not to make any more Star Wars references?”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Tremendously.” 

“Deal,” he laughed. You liked the sound of his laugh; it was warm, inviting, and put you instantly at ease. This CJ seemed to know what he was doing and you could now see why people called in to speak to him and other counselors like him. 

You nervously licked your lips and decided to take the plunge. You told him everything. You told him about how it started when you began college, how the classes and workload immediately overwhelmed you. How you struggled to keep from drowning in assignments and tests and projects and papers. How you started to develop these episodes and how badly you felt during them. How you had tried to talk to your parents but they just didn’t seem to hear you, dismissing it as an issue that would be resolved by you being more outgoing and feeling more grateful that you had such an educational opportunity when many didn’t. How you could be in a room full of a hundred people and still feel completely alone, especially when an episode kicked in. You’d even told him about your failed attempt at attending the frat party. He had rarely talked, giving you the floor, but he had interjected a couple of times to either support you or make some helpful suggestions. Other than that, he just listened. By the time you finished, you felt like you had told him your whole life story, but you had to admit that you felt a lot better once you got it all off your chest, which incidentally, was feeling lighter. And this time, someone listened and actually heard you. That made all the difference.

You glanced at the clock for the first time in a long time and noted it was 10:16. Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped, your cheeks immediately heating up. Had you really been talking nonstop for over three hours? “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late. I should let you go so you can speak to other callers.”

“My shift ended fifteen minutes ago actually.”

Your heart stopped and however much better you’d been feeling, felt like it went right down the drain. How could you have been so self-absorbed and only concerned with your problems that you’d talked his ear off and used up his whole shift? Not one other person got to talk to him tonight and you didn’t even go to that school. Seriously, how selfish were you? “I-I’m so, so sorry. You should have stopped me or told me there was a time limit per call.” You were full on babbling now. “I didn’t mean to— I am so beyond sorry. I’m going to let you go. Thank you so much for your help and I hope you have a good rest of your night. Don’t worry. I promise I won’t call again. Good night.”

You went to hang up the phone when you heard loudly, “Please don’t hang up.”

You put it back to your ear, your brows drawing together in confusion. “But you said your shift was over.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “But that’s okay. If I wanted you to stop talking, I would have said something. And did I ask you to stop?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then I didn’t want you to stop talking. It seems like there’s a lot on your plate at the moment or else you wouldn’t have called, right?”

“Okay, yeah. But—”

“So it’s good that you called and I’m glad I was able to help. And for the record, there’s no time limit on a call.” Someone said something to him in the background and he quietly responded though you couldn’t hear what he said. “I’m actually gonna get going because my replacement is here and they don’t have another place to sit.” 

“Right. Of course. Again, sorry.”

“But,” he continued. “I’m going to be here Monday afternoon around 2 so if you want to call back then we can talk again.”

“I have class then.” You truly did but even if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be calling him back. You had taken up enough of his time.

“I’m here until 6:00 that day.”

“I have a study session after that class.” Okay, maybe that was a lie. “But I appreciate the offer. Thank you and have a good—”

“I’m back on again next Friday. Same time. Why don’t you call me then if you’re free?”

“I appreciate it, CJ, but don’t worry. If I need the helpline again, I’ll call, but you helped me a lot tonight and I feel better so…I won’t need to call. Again, I’m sorry I monopolized your shift.”

“Do me a favor and call me again anyway, even if you are feeling better. I’d like to check in with you and the only way I can do that is if you call me back.”

“Right. Being anonymous and all,” you mumbled. Thank God for that. You didn’t think your embarrassment at talking his head off for over three hours while you complained about your life would ever go away.

“Yeah. So, please, if you can call me next week, same time, even if you just tell me you’re feeling better and hang up. That’s all I ask.”

You supposed you could do that, after he’d generously taken the time to hear you out, after he’d helped you through your episode. “Okay.”

“Friday, 7:00. Promise me.”

“I promise,” you whispered.

And so had begun the tradition of you calling him every Friday night at 7:00. You hadn’t intended for that to happen, honestly. But each time you would talk to him, ranging in times from twenty minutes to an hour and a half (you refused to ever get near that three hour mark again, no matter what he said), he would always ask you to call him back the following week, making you promise that you would. Over time, you noticed that your overwhelmed feeling had lessened considerably (though not completely gone) and instead of having an episode (or panic attack as CJ called them) twice weekly, they had now diminished to one every couple of weeks. And even then they weren’t as bad as they had been, thanks to the techniques CJ suggested you try using. Things had gotten better for you and you had to admit, the helpline definitely was a useful service for students, though for your own personal experience, you attributed a lot of that to CJ.

Speaking of which, that was how you two began to get to know one another, moving from strictly counselor and caller into a tentative friendship. When initially speaking to him, he began to feel like a friend you were just catching up with on how your past week had been, and then it actually sort of became that. He started to tell you more details about himself and now you knew what type of music he liked, what he was majoring in, where he had grown up, and why he had joined The Stand. He had even shared his backstory with you and why he didn’t drink when you told him how uncomfortable college parties made you in general. The conversation was no longer one-sided and you’d come to like it that way.

Until the day came when he asked your name. 

“My name?”

“Well, yeah, so I know what to call you. It feels weird calling you “you” all the time,” he laughed.

“Um…” You were practically crapping bricks. You didn’t expect this.

“Just your first name. You’ll still be anonymous,” he reassured. “It could be a nickname if you want. Or your middle name. Just something.”

You ran over it in your mind. What if he still somehow managed to find out who you were if you gave him only your first name? Sure, you weren’t going to the same schools, but what if somehow someway…? Plus, your friends weren’t exactly fans of CJ right now. Apparently, Jen had a major crush on him but her hopes were dashed when he told her he didn’t date (something he had told you long before you heard it via your friends) and then hooked up with Audrey the same night. You hadn’t been there that night, opting to stay in and study for a huge test you had coming up in your Lit class, and after hearing that not only had CJ been present but also what happened, you were glad you had made that decision. Audrey and Joey were on the outs thanks to the events of that night and now so were Jen and Audrey once it was revealed that CJ and Audrey had slept together, right before Pacey punched his face in. 

When that Friday rolled around, you almost didn’t call him. You were angry and hurt yourself. Angry because his careless actions had hurt more than one of your friends, and hurt because truth be told, you had started to crush on him yourself from afar. You trusted him with the details of your life, very personal details (without giving specifics obviously), and he’d helped you. How could he be this helpful, compassionate guy working at a helpline but turn out to be this scummy, advantage-taking, selfish player? You couldn’t reconcile in your head the CJ you were getting to know with the CJ your friends saw.

“That’s just the thing, Y/N,” Jen told you when you wondered aloud how a helpline counselor could do something like he had with your friends. “Most people who go into those positions to help other people are usually a thousand times more screwed up than the people they’re helping. Audrey’s been hurting, as you know, and she’s been acting out and he saw an opportunity. Case closed.” But it wasn’t case closed for you. Not by a mile. You wanted answers, but how could you get them while remaining anonymous?

So that following Friday at 7:00, as you angrily punched in the helpline number, you had no idea how you would do it but you were determined to get them. And if you didn’t like what you heard, then this would be your last call and you would close the book on CJ and your budding friendship for good.

It caught you off guard, though, when you heard a different voice this time.

“Hello, Helpline. This is David.”

You nearly hung up. You knew David; he was starting to hang out with your group more and more, especially Jack. What if he recognized your voice?

“Hello?”

You forced yourself to ask the burning question on the tip of your tongue, albeit with a slightly higher pitch of voice. “Hi, is CJ there?”

“No, I’m sorry.” You covered the mouthpiece with your hand and let out a sigh of relief. Whether it was because David didn’t recognize you or you didn’t have to confront CJ right this second, you couldn’t be sure. Probably a bit of both. “He called out sick and asked me to fill in for him. He should be back next week, though.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll call then. Thank you.” You quickly hung up before he could ask you anything else.

The next Friday you called, you got CJ.

“Hey,” he greeted, sounding relieved when he heard your voice. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” You were standing in your dorm room, staring out the window and watching the rain, your arms crossed. You weren’t as angry as last week, the extra time allowing you to let a cooler head prevail, but you still wanted answers. “How are you?”

“Honestly? I’ve been better.”

“I’m sorry. I know you were sick last week. Has it not gotten any better?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m sorry about that. I was feeling lousy and just needed to take a day, you know?” And he didn’t need to be parading around a still-healing black eye that might prompt questions, you bet. 

“I get that.”

“God, I wish I had your number outside of this so I could call you.” Your jaw tightened. Perhaps your friends were right; there was a whole other side to him. A side you didn’t really want to get to know. “I really could’ve used a friend to talk to.”

You unclenched your jaw when you realized he wasn’t hitting on you and when you thought about it, he sounded genuinely miserable and he never had in any of your previous conversations, even when your friendship formed. It was unlike him, or at least the CJ you had gotten to know. Just like this behavior your friends had told you about sounded unlike him. “Well, I’m here now, if you want to talk.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make this about me. You called in to talk, not to hear about my problems,” he laughed, sounding nervous. That was a first.

“I’m sure. What are friends for?”

He told you everything while not naming anyone. He didn’t hold back anything and you realized that while he didn’t know who you were, he was giving you the side that had been missing from the story your friends told you: his side. Every side has a story after all. He admitted he had messed up big time. He had hurt Jen (or Blondie as he called her), he had been an ass to Pacey (or The Guy Who Punched My Face) when he had no right to be, and he should have never hooked up with Audrey (or The Girl That Came Out of Nowhere). Apparently, Jen had said to him the same thing she said to you and it got him thinking, along with some things Audrey had said. He felt like a huge jerk and all he wanted to do was keep his head down and move forward, get back on the right track that his life had been headed in. You stayed silent as he talked and before you knew it, the clock read 9:47. 

“Your shift is over soon,” you whispered once he was done.

“Yeah, but I still have a few minutes. So what do you think? Am I a complete jackass or what?” He let out another nervous chuckle.

You briefly pressed your lips together as you thought of how best to answer that. In the end, you were as honest as you could be without giving yourself away. “I think we all make mistakes sometimes. But as long as we recognize them, apologize to those we’ve hurt, and try to do better, then that’s all that matters. So no, not a complete jackass.” 

This time when he laughed, it sounded relieved. “Thanks.”

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for,” you repeated his words back to him, teasing him slightly.

A moment of silence passed between you before he asked, “Will you call again next week?”

That made you do a double take. He never asked you to call the following week like that. Usually he asked in the form of making you promise you would call or he’d tell you he’d talk to you the following week. But when he asked like this, he sounded uncertain, vulnerable. You knew then that more than just his face and ego had been hurt by recent events. Perhaps you were a fool but you believed his remorse to be genuine. 

“Yeah,” you assured him. “I’ll call next week.”

And when you did, he immediately hit you with the name question. 

“Earth to you…” He called, snapping you out of it and reclaiming your attention. “See? It doesn’t really work,” he laughed.

You had to be careful here. Not only because you didn’t want him to find out who you were but also because if your friends ever found out, especially Audrey…you were toast. 

You opened your mouth to give him the name of a classmate that couldn’t be traced back to you but “Jo” came tumbling out instead.

“Jo?”

Oh crap. You had Audrey and then Joey on your mind and it just slipped out. Crap, crap, crap. “Yeah,” you lied. “Jo.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jo.” You could practically hear him smiling, happy to have gotten a name out of you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, angry with yourself. “Nice to meet you, too,” you mumbled before you dropped your head into your hands.  

So now here you were, him thinking you were Jo from the college he was attending, and you were calling him every single week at the same time like clock work. You had long ago stopped questioning the morality of what you were doing and it seemed that he didn’t appear to question it at all. He was always happy to hear from you and your conversations were more personal now. You couldn’t deny the way your heart rate spiked every time you heard his voice when he picked up the call or how whenever his name was mentioned in passing by David or Jen (though rare these days), you would specifically tune in, listening for anything that had to do with him. You had it bad and you knew it, but it was also a safe crush from a distance and would be staying that way.

You shook your head, snapping yourself out of your reverie and remembered CJ has asked you a question. “I’m good. Really good. How about you?”

“Really good, huh? I’m happy to hear it and happy to be hearing from you.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, I got that paper back and you were so right, The Writing Center really helped. I can’t believe I never thought to try it before. Thank you so much for that idea.”

“I’m happy to be of service,” he chuckled. “I’m glad it helped. And the club thing? Did you give that a try as well?”

Your smile dropped. He had been trying to urge you to join a club or a group where you had shared interests with other students. His theory was that if you gave a small group of people a shot doing a social activity you might enjoy, that it might help decrease your nervousness in other social settings. Even though you told him you had a group of friends you regularly met up with, he didn’t think expanding your social circles would be a bad thing to consider. “No? I told you, CJ, that’s not really my thing.”

“I get that, I do. How about this? If you want, I could meet you at Student Activities and we could take a look around together, get some info. No pressure, of course, but you wouldn’t have to walk in there alone. I know it can be a bit much sometimes. I remember my first semester here and I didn’t know where to stick my head.”

You froze. That was the first time he’d ever mentioned the possibility of you meeting in person. Perhaps if you were really Jo from Boston Bay College, you could take him up on it or give him your number like he’d asked you for or call his room number like he’d offered up a few times now so you could talk outside of the helpline. But you weren’t and so you had to decline. “I appreciate the offer but it’s not my thing so I’m going to have to pass. Sorry, but thank you, though.” 

“If you’re sure.” He sounded slightly disappointed but maybe that was just you imagining it. 

“Yep, I’m sure. Uh, so listen, I can’t stay on long. My roommate and her boyfriend will be here in less than ten so I’m gonna go so I can get out of here before I get hit by the clothes hurricane that’s most likely to happen.” It was a complete lie. Your roommate, Stacey, had actually gone to visit her boyfriend for the weekend. You would have peace and quiet and the dorm to yourself for two whole days. 

He chuckled good-naturedly. “I don’t blame you. If you get bored later, I’m here at The Stand until 10:00, like you already know, and then I’ll be back in my room. You can call me then if you want to talk. I”ll be up for a while so don’t worry about calling too late.”

“Oh. Thanks. Maybe I’ll do that.” You weren’t going to and he knew you weren’t going to. You hadn’t the last two times he’d made the same offer and the last two times you’d given him the same response.

“Jo?”

“Yeah?”

“If I don’t hear from you… Call next week, okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, smiling, like always. You said your quick goodbyes and you hung up, letting out a heavy breath. While he had been urging you to contact him personally, he had never mentioned meeting him before. That was different. And it worried you at the same time. Why the offer now? Granted, he was just trying to be helpful to you, given the context, but what if he began to find other ways to work it in like he already had about your phone numbers? What if he continued to push to meet Jo? 

You shook your head, telling yourself that you were doing it again, worrying over things that might not happen. You would cross that bridge when you came to it, something CJ had once said to you that you kept for yourself as your own personal mantra. You would wait to see how next week would go.

But unfortunately, the call never happened.

You had been out with Jack and David on Thursday night at Hell’s Kitchen, when Jen waltzed in, smiling and taking a seat. Joey and Emma were working and Pacey was supposed to join you later.

“You worked late today,” Jack commented. 

“Training took a little bit longer than expected. We were supposed to be done at 6:00 but then our relief called and said they were going to be late. Of course, since CJ was going to stay, I wasn’t going to just leave him there.” Your ears perked up at the mention of CJ. You knew Jen was training as a counselor and he was the one training her. Jen had begrudgingly forgiven CJ but it was also obvious to you all that she still had a crush on him. While you couldn’t blame her, you also felt for her. CJ told you that he had to make it clear once more to Blondie that he wasn’t looking to date though he was happy she had finally started training at the helpline. He really believed she would make a great counselor once she settled into it. 

Talk about complicated. Jen was your friend and you didn’t want to see her get hurt, but you could also understand if CJ didn’t see her that way, he just didn’t. They were both your friends now and you just wanted them both to be happy, whatever that looked like.

“But then, listen to this,” she continued. “Our relief, this guy named Seth, sees me there with CJ and starts teasing him about how he’s racking up all of these beautiful girls through the helpline, not leaving any for him.”

“Jen,” Jack warned. 

“No, listen. This is good. You’re going to like this.” 

Jack sighed but let her finish.

“CJ laughs it off but then Seth mentions how he has this girl calling him every Friday night, around the same time, and she talks his ear off for hours.”

You were about to take a bite of your french fry when you froze. Your heart dropped down to your feet. 

“And so I ask if this is true and CJ says that we’re there to help everybody, time limits aren’t a thing, and it doesn’t matter how many times a caller calls back or they speak to the same counselor. As long as they get the help they need.”

“He’s right,” David chimed in.

“But then Seth starts teasing him again and asks if CJ can give him tips on how to get dates using the helpline. CJ laughs and says sure. I mention how he said he wasn’t looking to date and Seth says he tells every girl that so he doesn’t have to commit but can still get what he wants.” You dropped your fry back into your basket, trying to ignore the rolling nausea in your stomach. 

“I don’t know about that,” David chuckled nervously.

“He didn’t deny it, David. He just laughed and walked away. Can you believe it? He’s using the helpline to get girls. Talk about abusing the system, not to mention the absolute lack of morality.” You definitely felt like you were going to be sick. “I quit. If that’s what guys like him and Seth are using that helpline for then I don’t want any part of it. And CJ? Audrey was right. He’s a skeevy player. I can’t believe I didn’t see it this whole time.” Jen shook her head. You were getting that all-too familiar falling feeling again. 

“Wait, seriously? Guys are using the helpline to pick up girls?” Jack turned to David.

“No. Jen, I’m sure Seth was just kidding and CJ was just playing along. Nobody is using the helpline to pick anyone up. Everyone that works there knows the rules and they’re there to help callers. How could they pick anyone up, anyway? It’s all anonymous.”

“Yeah, but if they pushed for a date or something… It could happen.” You immediately felt your stomach jolt and like someone had punched you in the gut at the same time.

“It could,” David agreed. “But I doubt it does.”

“He has the same girl calling him every single week at the same time. What would keep her calling like that?” Jen interjected. You glanced away from the table for a moment, not sure if you wanted to hear the answer David would give.

“Is that true? Every week?” Jack asked in disbelief.

“It’s true,” David confirmed. “I actually got her once when CJ was out sick. She sounded nice.” If you could have, you would have given him a smile, thankful for David’s attempt to defend CJ and the helpline and unknowingly you. But right then, you were trying not to hyperventilate. “And CJ appears to be helping her. He said she’s made a lot of progress since they started talking.”

“He talked to you about her?” Jen looked shocked. Oh God. Your chest started to feel tight.

“Only because he was going to be out sick that one day and in case she called and then decided to talk to me, he wanted me to be up to speed in case she needed something. That’s all.”

“I feel badly for this girl. She probably thinks CJ is some great guy and she can trust him but based on what Seth said, he’s simply playing the long game with her. A girl whose trust he’s taking advantage of. I’m telling you, Audrey was right about him and I should’ve seen it.” Jen rubbed at her forehead. It was beyond hot in here and even though it wasn’t crowded, the room started to feel smaller.

“I don’t think that’s true, Jen,” David defended. “I don’t think he’s looking to take advantage of this girl at all. I think he truly wants to help her.”

“Yeah, that’s how it started with Audrey and look at how that turned out.” David dropped his gaze to his food, continuing to poke at it with his fork. There wasn’t much he could say to that though he wished he still would. “And if that’s true, he only wants to help her, then why was he laughing along when Seth talked about her and how she keeps him on the phone for hours? How is that helping her?”

You felt like your feet were locked in cement but your legs were wobbling to and fro. And yet you also felt like a large boulder was now sitting on your chest, making it difficult to breathe. How could any of this conversation be happening right now?

Jack glanced from David to Jen. “Perhaps David’s right, Jen. Maybe he was just playing along. That’s what guys do sometimes. You know that.”

“I don’t think that’s what that was. Either way, I quit.”

Jack and David started to urge her not to quit, but at that point you’d had enough. Your hands were clammy and you felt that feeling on your forehead, too. You needed cold, and air. “Excuse me,” you nearly rasped out and beat a hasty retreat to the bathroom. You could feel your dinner coming back up. Joey stopped you in your trek.

“Hey, Y/N, are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

You shook your head and dodged past her, hurrying to the bathroom. Once you reached it, you locked the door and pushed into a stall just in time. You emptied the contents of your stomach and once you were finished, you made your way towards the sink, splashing cold water on your face. You could feel the panic attack you were having and you tried your best to ward it off but to no avail.

You slid down the wall and struggled to breathe, trying the techniques CJ had taught you. You didn’t want to think about him right now but you also didn’t want to be having this happen while your friends sat right outside. Not to mention, you knew Joey was going to come check on you. You gasped for air and rubbed at your chest. Once it passed, you unlocked the door, made excuses to Joey and your friends, went home, showered, and cried yourself to sleep. For the first time in a while, you’d had a particularly bad episode and ended the night in tears: two things you hadn’t done since you’d started talking to CJ regularly. You felt as if all the progress you’d made was like a house of cards that fell to the ground after one card was pulled out from under you. And all because you’d trusted the wrong person. 

So you stopped calling and instead, spent your Friday nights at the library, studying, so you wouldn’t be tempted to pick up the phone and call to confront the guy who’d betrayed your trust.

A few weeks later, you were sitting on Joey’s bed, watching Audrey unload her closet onto her mattress. Apparently, she was going to rehab, for real this time. She was ready to confront the fact that her drinking was out of control. Joey was helping her sort through everything and handed you things to fold and place in her suitcase. Eddie had already taken one heavy suitcase down to the car, along with a very high Bob. 

You all looked up when there was a polite knock on their dorm room door. Joey got up to answer it, most likely thinking it was Eddie, but when she opened the door, it revealed another guy altogether.

There stood CJ, in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with a jacket covering his tall frame. Your heart skipped a beat before falling into your stomach but then leaping back into place and pounding faster than before for a whole other reason. You immediately grabbed a magazine from the nightstand and began sifting through it, your jaw clenched and you refusing to look in his direction.

Before anyone could say a word, Audrey groaned. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw CJ hold up a placating hand in her direction. “I’m not here for you, okay? I’m actually looking for someone.”

You froze.

“I bet you are,” Audrey grumbled.

Joey crossed her arms. “Who?”

“A girl by the name of Jo who lives in this building.”

You mentally cursed yourself. You knew you had let the name of your dorm building slip once by accident but he hadn’t appeared to have heard you so you thought you were in the clear; apparently, he had heard you. Crap.

Joey tensed. Uh oh. You had a feeling this was going to come back to haunt you at some point. Here it was. “Why are you looking for me?”

CJ’s brow drew together. “You’re Jo?”

Audrey was suddenly at Joey’s side. “Yeah, why are you looking for her?”

“Jo is a girl who called the helpline. I haven’t heard from her in a few weeks and I just wanted to check on her.”

Her distaste for CJ forgotten, Audrey turned in shock to her roommate. “Joey Potter, you called the helpline?”

“What? No. Don’t be ridiculous, Audrey.” Joey then looked at CJ. “I don’t know who this girl is but it’s not me. Good luck in your search.” She went to close the door but CJ stopped her.

“Wait, so you’ve never heard of a girl named Jo who lives in this building?”

“No,” Audrey snapped. “Now, go away.”

“Hold on a second. Because Joanna Martin who lives on the 2nd floor isn’t her and has never heard of her. Now you’re saying you’re not her and you’ve never heard of her either?”

Audrey gave him a nasty smirk. “Imagine that. A girl using a fake name calling an anonymous helpline. She probably knows what a sleazeball you are and didn’t want you stalking her. If she was calling the helpline, she’s probably got enough on her plate. Best of luck, Stalker Boy.”

Audrey went to shut the door in his face but again, he stopped it.

“I don’t really care what you think of me. You want to think I’m the bad guy in everything that happened with us? That’s fine. But I’m actually trying to find this girl to help her.”

“Help her into your bed, you mean.”

His jaw clenched. “It’s not like that.”

“Oh, I bet it is but whatever.” Audrey rolled her eyes and turned back to you. “Y/N, have you ever heard of this girl he’s looking for?”

Your eyes snapped up to them and all three of them were now staring at you, waiting for your answer. Crap. CJ was looking right at you. Double crap. You shook your head and went back to your magazine. 

“There you go. No one here has heard of her. Buh-bye now.” 

Audrey was closing the door when Joey’s phone started to ring. Joey, who had gone back into the whirlwind of clothes, looked over at you. “Hey, can you get that? Eddie might be calling from his cell phone.”

You nodded and picked up the line. “Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N. Can I talk to Joey? Audrey’s friend, Bob, is getting a little impatient down here.”

“Sure. One sec.” You handed the phone to Joey. “It’s Eddie.” She took it and began rolling her eyes when Eddie was most likely telling her the same thing he had just told you. She came over, zipped up the suitcase you had been working on after dumping more things into it. “Do you mind taking this to Eddie downstairs? He’ll meet you in the lobby.”

“Sure thing.” You tossed the magazine back onto the night stand and grabbed the suitcase handle, picking it up and placing it on its wheels. You slipped your worn paperback copy of your book into the back pocket of your jeans, intent on returning it to your room when you came back up. Now that you knew CJ was trying to track you down and he was in the building, you didn’t feel comfortable having any clues pointing to your identity out in the open like that. 

You grabbed the tail of the suitcase and began to pull it along. “Oh my God, Aud. Do you really need this many outfits?” 

She looked up from her cell phone and gave you a smile. “Of course. Rehab is bound to be drab so I’m going to make it fab.” She shot you a wink and opened the door for you. 

You laughed and shook your head, crossing over the threshold. You made your way to the elevator and pushed the button. While you were waiting, you heard behind you, “Need some help with that?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin. CJ was right there, behind you, talking directly to you. While a part of you wanted to tell him to take a hike, your desire for anonymity was greater. You turned and gave him a wan smile, shaking your head. His green eyes were intent on you and you didn’t care for that one bit. It was like he knew who you were without you even having to say it. Luckily, at that moment, the elevator dinged and the door opened. You went to roll the suitcase onto it when a hand picked it up out of nowhere.

“Let me give you a hand,” CJ offered, not waiting for you to reply and stepping into the elevator. You paused for a moment, considering not getting onto it with him but Eddie was expecting you and Joey and Audrey were waiting for you to come back. You let out a quiet sigh and stepped inside, hitting the button for the Lobby and waiting for the doors to close.

Once they did and you started descending, CJ glanced over at you. “So, Jo, were you planning on ever calling me again?”

Your heart started to pound but you forced yourself to remain cool as a cucumber, hoping he wouldn’t recognize your voice. You arched a questioning brow up at him. “I don’t know who you think I am but my name’s Y/N. Sorry to disappoint.” You turned back to the door.

“The Green Mile book in your back pocket says otherwise.”

Crap. You tried to think quickly. “That’s just a book I’m reading for class.” You decided to channel Audrey, the queen of mean when she wanted to be; perhaps that would get him to leave you alone. The doors were opening and you turned to give him a smirk. “NIce try, though, Sherlock. Better get back to Watson before he misses you.” You grabbed the tail of the suitcase and nearly stormed out of the elevator. 

CJ was suddenly at your side. “I know it’s you. Why are you trying so hard to act like it’s not?”

You shook your head, choosing to ignore him. Thankfully, Eddie came into sight, rushing to get the suitcase. 

“Thank you, thank you.” He picked it up and gave you a look. “About how many more of these are coming down, do you think?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. She has a lot of outfits. Joey’s got her work cut out for her.”

Eddie groaned and then noticed CJ standing next to you. “Good to see you again, man.”

“Likewise.”

Eddie glanced between you and CJ before walking away. Great. He was bound to mention that to Joey who would most likely question you about it later thanks to CJ’s impromptu appearance earlier. You spun on your heel and headed back to the elevator, punching the button.  

CJ was suddenly next to you. “What happened? Why did you stop calling?” He quietly asked you. 

You didn’t answer him, just kept staring straight ahead, your jaw clenched.

He leaned in slightly, his voice even quieter. “Did I make you nervous by offering to meet you? I was only trying to help. Nothing funny, I promise.”

When the doors opened, you stepped inside and of course, he followed you. The doors closed and your ride up began. 

“Are you going to talk to me or just keep ignoring me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know your voice. It’s you.” After another quiet moment, he begged, “Would you please just talk to me? What happened?”

You shook your head.

“Something obviously happened to make you stop calling. So, talk to me. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

You glared over at him. “Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now please stop bothering me.” CJ looked as if you’d slapped him for a moment and you felt guilty but then you immediately remembered what Jen had said that night at the bar. 

He gave you a curt nod and turned to face the door. Once it opened, you went to step out when he lifted the book out of your back pocket. 

“Hey! Give that back!” He held it out of your reach, opening it to find the note from your dad on the inside page that he’d written after he bought it for you. Why did you have to mention that in your phone conversations? That was a dead giveaway that yes, Jo was indeed you. How could you have been so stupid?

CJ gestured to the note. “Tell me again how it’s not you.”

You snatched the book out of his hands and hurried down the hall to your room. You would’ve gone back to Audrey’s and Joey’s room, but you were afraid he’d out you to them. Even if they didn’t believe him, you still remembered Audrey’s reaction when she thought it might be Joey for a moment and the latter’s response. 

“Y/N, wait,” CJ begged behind you. “Please, can we just talk for a minute?” You were unlocking your door when he was right next to you. “Just one minute. Please. That’s all I’m asking. Then, if you want, you’ll never see or hear from me again.”

You mulled it over for a moment. You could do one minute, you supposed, and get this over with. You glanced up at him and nodded, pretending not to see the relief that filled his expression. You opened the door and then held it open wider for him to follow.

You saw your roommate sitting on her bed, talking on the phone to her boyfriend. “Stace,” you interrupted. “Can you give us a minute?”

She frowned. “I’m kind of in the middle of—”

“I need the room.” Your tone brooked no argument. You surprised her; usually, you kept to yourself and never really stood up to her if she got mean or demanding. But you were not in the mood for any of her crap right then. You were at your limit.

Stacey scoffed but got to her feet. “One second, babe.” She glared at you, which you were more than happy to return, and then turned it onto CJ as well. “Boys aren’t allowed to stay up here so make it quick. You know the rules.”

You huffed out a snort. “The rule you break almost every other night? Got it, Stace, thanks for looking out.” You practically shut the door in her scowling face. You turned to find CJ’s eyes trained on you.

“So that’s the roommate, huh?” You shrugged. “Exactly how I pictured her, scowl and everything.”

You didn’t laugh at his joke and instead, crossed your arms. “You wanted to talk?”

He pressed his lips together and thrust his hands into his jacket pockets. “Why did you stop calling?”

You wanted to tell him the truth but it also seemed best to just get him out of there as soon as possible. He knew who you really were now and that was a problem. Especially if your friends found out you were the girl that had been calling him every week. Because sooner or later, they would want to know why and you weren’t ready to talk about that or have them look at you funny. You knew they’d be supportive, especially Joey and Audrey, but you also knew things would change. And you weren’t quite ready for that to happen. 

“I’ve been doing better so there was no need. You should know, you made me your pet project after all.” You didn’t mean to be harsh but you were still angry. 

His brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”

“You know. I’m the girl who calls you every week to talk your ear off and keeps you on the phone for hours. The girl you’ve supposedly been trying to pick up through the helpline, though apparently I’m not the only one.”

His eyes widened. “Y/N, that’s not true at all. I don’t use the helpline to pick up girls or try to get dates. I don’t date, you know I don’t. I don’t know who told you that but it’s not true.”

“But the other part is?”

“No. Not at all.”

“Because that’s how your buddy Seth put it, the way Jen tells it.”

CJ huffed out a mirthless laugh, rubbing at his forehead and giving a nod. “Jen. That’s who you heard this from.”

“Don’t even,” you snapped. “David also mentioned how you told him all about me and my issues.” You used quotation marks on the last word.

His hand dropped. “Okay, first off, you don’t have issues, no more than anybody else around here, myself included. Second, I only told David because I was going to be out that one night. I wanted to make sure if you called in that you were taken care of. That’s it. David is one of our better counselors, he’s a friend, and I trust him completely.”

Your jaw tightened. “That still doesn’t explain why Seth would even say anything like that. And you laughed! You stood there and laughed as this guy, who I don’t know by the way, is turning me calling you for help into a joke! Is that what I am? The joke at the office? Does everyone there know how I’ve been calling you every week and boring you to death with my problems?”

“What? No! You’re not a joke. And you’re not—”

“Really? Because it sure sounded like it to me based on what Jen said.”

“Okay, let’s get something straight. You’re not boring me to death when you call, you’re not talking my ear off, or keeping me stuck on the phone with you, or anything else that someone else might have said. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to be there for you and try to help. Then when we started talking about more than that, I wanted to talk to you even more. If I didn’t want to talk to you at all, if you were such a nuisance, then why would I ask you to call back every week or give you my phone number even?”

“But you weren’t trying to pick me up.”

“No, I wasn’t. I wanted to be available to you if you needed to talk to me outside of the hours I had at The Stand.”

“Yeah, because I was your pet project.”

“No, you weren’t and why do you keep saying that?”

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not.” 

“Isn’t that what you do, though? Isn’t that why you tracked me down? Isn’t that why you kept trying to get my number and even suggested we meet though the helpline’s supposed to be anonymous? You look for girls who are messed up and try to be their white knight. It gives you some sort of satisfaction, some twisted sense of purpose… That’s what happened with Audrey, right?” Again, he looked like you slapped him but this time, you didn’t feel guilty. You were only speaking the truth. He had told you how much he wanted to help Audrey and how somehow they ended up in bed together and before he knew it, he really liked her and wanted to see more of her. In the end, he’d admitted to you that it might have been him confusing his desire to help her with his interest in her. That maybe Audrey had been right in what she’d said.

You watched as his shoulders deflated slightly and he let out a heavy breath, hanging his head. You bit your lip and glanced away from him, not wanting to see him look so defeated. You had to be strong, you had to stand up for yourself and not let him or anyone else take advantage of you. That was the silent vow you’d made to yourself after you’d cried yourself to sleep that night you found out how you were being used and made a mockery of.

“I tracked you down because I was worried,” he spoke softly. You turned back to find him staring at you, remorse radiating from him. You felt slightly bad for hurting him but you had said nothing but the truth, from his own lips. “It wasn’t like you not to call so I thought maybe something happened or maybe I made you nervous with that last call. Like I said, I gave you my number because I wanted to be there for you anytime you needed me, even if I wasn’t working. So this way you always had a way to get a hold of me if you needed to. I only asked for yours because I did like talking to you and I thought we were becoming friends. I know that’s not the norm for the helpline and it’s never happened before, to me or to anyone else that I know of, but like I said, I enjoyed talking to you. I only offered to meet you at Student Activities that day because you seemed nervous to try it alone and I didn’t want you to feel like that. I would’ve made that offer to anyone that needed it.” He nervously licked his lips. “I do like you but it has nothing to do with my wanting to help you or make sure you’re okay. I made a mistake with Audrey but I learned from it. I told you that.” He sighed before continuing. “I like you, Y/N, because you’re funny and smart and kind. Even if we didn’t meet through the helpline, I still would have liked you once I got to talk to you, once I got to know you better. That’s the truth.”

He turned to leave when he stopped suddenly. “By the way, Seth is the guy who usually relieves me on Friday nights. That’s how he knew about you calling every week. He always liked to razz me about being on the phone with you since I made him fifteen minutes late for his shift that one time. I only laughed because it was obvious he was showing off for Jen, that he likes her, and I was trying not to embarrass him in front of her. I did end up talking to him later about it, though, and asked him not to mention it again in front of her or anyone else. He agreed; he’s not a bad guy.” He glanced back at you over his shoulder. “I’m sorry this happened. If you call the helpline again and want to talk to someone else, I understand. If you don’t want to call at all, I understand that, too. Just…take care of yourself, alright?”

You averted your eyes, not wanting him to see the tears building in them, and you gave him a curt nod. You only looked up again when the door snicked closed. You pretended a tear didn’t suddenly roll down your cheek and you told yourself that you had done the right thing. Though it certainly didn’t feel like it in the moment, deep within your chest. 

You stared at your phone, pacing back and forth as you chewed on your thumbnail. It had been almost a month since CJ walked out of your dorm room, leaving you more conflicted than you felt prior to his arrival. You had turned his explanation over and over in your mind so much that you had begun to dream about him every night. You had more panic attacks during that time, to the point where you’d finally taken the plunge and made an appointment to see a therapist. You’d told your parents everything you’d been experiencing, making sure they heard you this time, and told them you needed help. Your mother was still annoyed with you but your father was supportive, especially when you told him that you had a group of friends you met up with pretty regularly. He agreed to help with payments for your therapy. 

You were doing better, just like you had been while talking to CJ, and the therapist had even more techniques in her toolbox that she taught you how to use. You’d even opened up to her about CJ and everything that happened with him. She was the initial reason why you were considering making a call that you hadn’t made in quite a while. 

When you saw the clock hit 7:21, you made your decision. You huffed out a breath, picked up the phone, and dialed the all-too familiar number.

“Hello, Helpline. This is CJ.”

You resumed your pacing, nervous, unsure of how to say what you wanted to.

“Hello?”

You’ve got this.

“Hello?”

Just do it already. Talk to him.

“Listen, if you’re—”

“What are your plans for tomorrow afternoon?” You rushed out before you lost your nerve.

 “Jo?” You appreciated him using your fake name. “Is that you?”

“Well?” You asked.

“Uh, tomorrow? I’m free...”

“Would you…want to get some coffee? Maybe?”

“Coffee, huh?” You could hear the smile in his voice. “Jo, you’re not calling the helpline to ask me out on a coffee date, are you? Because that would be a serious misuse of this valuable resource the college provides,” he teased.       

“Oh. Okay. Well, I’ll just wait until Seth is on shift then and call him up to ask him instead. Thanks, though. Bye.”

“Don’t you dare,” he laughed. You lifted the phone back up to your ear. “What time and what coffee shop?”

You couldn’t help but smile. “Got a pen?”

You walked into the coffee shop ten minutes early, intent on getting a table and settling in before CJ arrived. To your surprise, he was already there, waving you over. You approached, feeling your heartbeat speed up with every step. “You’re early.”

“I wanted to make sure we got a good table.” You had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason. The worry shadowing his expression confirmed it. Did he really think you had called him up to ask him to meet you only for you not to show? Then again, you supposed you couldn’t blame him.

“Good thinking.” You gestured towards the line with your thumb. “I’m going to get some coffee. Do you want anything?”

He was immediately on his feet. “I’ll get it. You sit down. You still like lattes?”

You gave him a small smile and nodded; he remembered. 

He returned your smile. “Okay. Here, take a seat. I’ll be back in a minute.” You watched him walk over to the line as you did just that. 

You would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, but you were taking your therapist’s advice. You were moving your friendship with CJ away from the helpline and out into the real world. You were giving him another chance while also allowing both of you to start over. If CJ agreed to, that is.

A few minutes later, he returned and placed your cup in front of you. You gave him a smile of thanks and waited for him to join you.

“So,” he started once he was settled. “You called in.”

“Only to ask you to meet me,” you pointed out.

The corner of his lips tipped up in a genuine smile. “I’m glad you did.”

“Me, too.” And you meant it. You were happy he’d said yes. “I actually asked you to meet me because I wanted to thank you.”

His brows drew together. “Thank me?”

You nodded and began to tell him about all of the recent developments in your life, including therapy. You also apologized for how harsh you’d been the last time you saw each other but he waved it off, saying you didn’t need to and he understood. He listened intently and his smile grew when you mentioned how the therapy was helping and your panic attacks were starting to lessen. 

“I’m really happy to hear it, Y/N, and I’m glad you’re doing better.”

You bit at your lip, feeling nervous about speaking this next part. “It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t helped me the way you did, especially that first night. So, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he murmured.

Your heart began to pound against your rib cage but you bravely surged forward and kissed his cheek. When you sat back in your chair, his eyes were wide and you felt your face get hot. “Sorry. I just really wanted to do that for a long time. I hope that was okay.”

He grinned. “More than okay.” You felt relief sweep through you. “I was just thinking—”

“I know. You’re not dating, and we’re friends. Don’t worry, I understand.”

He studied you for a moment before speaking again. “I was going to say ‘I was just thinking what a coincidence because there’s something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time, too.’” His hand gently covered yours and he slowly leaned in, giving you time to pull away or tell him to stop. You weren’t going to do either. 

His lips brushed gently against yours and you felt a thrill rush through you at the contact. You had imagined kissing him so many times but the fantasy did absolutely no justice to the real thing. When you broke apart but he didn’t lean back right away, he murmured, “Was that okay?”

“More than okay,” you whispered before pulling him back into you, both of you grinning like idiots before your lips connected again.

You stopped, seeing the front of the building you were about to go into. “Are you sure we should be doing this?” You asked nervously.

CJ turned back to you and gave you a reassuring smile before cupping your cheek and kissing you. “Yes. We should.”

“But—”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” he assured you. “Trust me. I’m right here with you, okay?” He pecked your lips one more time, tightened his hold on your hand, and began pulling you forward. 

“Okay.” You didn’t sound so sure about this and truthfully, you weren’t.

CJ chuckled and led you inside. The Stand office was decorated with balloons and streamers and there was even confetti on the floor. One of the counselors was leaving since she was soon to graduate and a party was being thrown for her last day. You tried not to get overwhelmed at the amount of people filling the small space. It was overly warm in here and you could barely hear yourself think over the din of multiple conversations going on at once. Somewhere music was playing at a decent level. You noted a room in the back where through the window you could see two people sitting, talking on the phone, a closed door in between them and the noise. 

CJ intertwined your fingers and moved you both towards a group of a few people that he was intent on talking to, people greeting him as he passed. You remembered the techniques you had been taught and tried to put them into action while reminding yourself that you were with CJ and he wasn’t going to abandon you. 

He stopped and greeted the group before he turned to you smiling. “This is Y/N, my girlfriend.”

One of the guys laughed. “Ah, so this is Y/N.” Your heart started hammering inside your chest. “CJ hasn’t shut up about you since you two started dating.” You nearly sighed in relief.

CJ shrugged, grinning down at you. “Seth’s not wrong.”

Your eyes widened before you turned back to the guy. “Oh, so you’re Seth.”

Seth beamed. “Aww, CJ, you told her about me? I just knew we had something special,” he joked.

You frowned. “Hey now. Go get your own CJ. This one’s mine.” You winked up at CJ who laughed. 

He let go of your hand to wrap an arm around your waist and pull you into him. “Definitely yours,” he whispered huskily. 

Seth pretended to gag. “Ugh. Young love. Gross. You can have him, Y/N.”

“Damn right I do,” you laughed as CJ wrapped himself around you from behind and leaned down to kiss your cheek.

From that moment on, it wasn’t so bad. CJ circulated around the room to different groups, introducing you each time. With him by your side, you began to feel more comfortable and you opened up bit by bit. At one point, CJ took your hand and led you away. “I want to show you something.”

“Again?” You teased. “Didn’t you already show me something back in my dorm earlier? Twice?”

“Ha ha. No, this is something different. Though there will definitely be a third time when I get you out of here and back to my place.”

“Ooo. You sure know how to sweet talk a girl, Mr. Braxton.”

He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully, and pulled you into a kiss that left you breathless. “Just a small preview for later.”

“A small preview?” You panted. You just loved teasing him and couldn’t resist.  

He rolled his eyes in amusement. “Come on.”

CJ led you over to a desk and with his free hand, he swiped confetti off of the seat. “This is it. My station,” he told you.

Your eyes roamed over the computer, the keyboard, the notepad and pens, stopping on the corded phone. So this was it. This was where CJ had sat on those Friday nights during your conversations. You smiled to yourself at the memory.

You let out a squeal when CJ quickly sat down in the chair and pulled you into his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep from falling, glaring at his laugh. You softened though when you looked back over the desk. “So this is where you sat on those nights we talked?”

“Uh huh. Though I much prefer you here on this end with me.” He gripped your chin between his fingers and turned you to him, kissing you sweetly. You snuck your fingers into his hair and tilted your head to deepen it, not caring right then about anyone or anything else around you. 

You and CJ had been dating for a while now and it was starting to become serious. He had met your parents when they came to visit. Your dad had liked him right away. Your mom, on the other hand, had given him a bit of a hard time but underneath the harsh exterior she was presenting, you could tell she liked him, too. He had initially planned to transfer to a school in New York, which you more than supported (though you were secretly heartbroken). You reminded him that you had done the phone thing once upon a time and you could do it again, if he wanted. After contemplating it, he decided to stay in Boston. 

“Please don’t tell me you chose to stay because of me. I’m not going anywhere. If it’s a great opportunity for you, you should go. I don’t want you to regret not going.”

He’d simply smiled. “I have a great opportunity right here and I would regret leaving.” He’d kissed your nose. “Besides, Boston’s home.”

“CJ, you should go. I’m almost done and I can come visit you. It’s only a few hours’ drive. You could show me things like the Empire State Building or take me to a museum or a play or show me Times Square.” You’d tried to make it sound enticing but inside it was killing you. Everyone knew long distance relationships had their problems and who knew? Maybe he might meet someone new in the Big Apple. But you also wanted him to do what was right for him, just like you’d spoken with your therapist about. You didn’t want him to resent you later on if he didn’t take this opportunity now and you certainly didn’t want him to have any regrets. “We could even visit Jen and Jack, see how her Grams is doing.”

Jen and Jack had transferred to New York. You had been worried to tell her that you and CJ were dating but while she was a little miffed in the beginning, she was more focused on the developing situation with her grandmother who had been diagnosed with cancer. Eventually, she forgave you before she left and gave you her blessing. You had been relieved; Jen was a good person, a good friend, and you didn’t want to lose her friendship. Jack had been worried about Jen’s reaction but for the most part, he had been fine with it. David was happy for you both. Audrey was doing better these days and though she had wanted to know what the hell you were thinking by shacking up with The Sleaze (as she referred to him), she had eventually told you she loved you and just wanted you to be happy. Joey asked you if you were sure when you told her and when you assured her that you were, she pretty much said the same thing as her former roommate and gave you a hug. She gave you a look when you pulled away and you knew that she had connected the dots on who you really were to CJ, but to her credit, she mercifully never said anything. Pacey and Emma had shrugged (CJ had apologized to Pacey at some point after what happened with Audrey and they had resolved things), wishing you well. Dawson…well, you never really got to know Dawson all that well during his brief visits so no conversation needed to be had there really. All in all, your friends were supportive, even if still a little wary of how things were going to work out. You were happy, though. It was strange but shifting from friends into romance proved to be an easier transition then you thought it would be.

CJ laid his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes, as he stroked your cheek with his thumb. “I’m not going without you.” You went to speak, to remind him you weren’t going anywhere, when he cut you off. “I know what I want. I’m okay with my decision. I need you to be, too.”

You tenderly stroked his arm. “Are you sure?” You whispered, worried he was making a mistake.

“More than sure.” He then pulled you to him for a kiss.

“Okay,” you whispered to his lips before kissing him again.

And now you had met all of his co-workers at The Stand and had seen where he worked a few days out of the week. He had offered to bring you several times before, but you had been hesitant to take him up on it, still worried someone might figure out who you really were. It’s not that you were embarrassed that you had called the helpline for help, but your business was your business and you didn’t want to be seen as that girl CJ got himself through the service. You both obviously knew that wasn’t the case but people talked, people judged, and you just wanted to steer clear of both as long as you possibly could. You knew you shouldn’t care what anyone thought or said, just like CJ didn’t; it was something you were currently working on in therapy. 

“So,” you teased when he finally broke away for air. “Is there a switchboard somewhere that you have somebody directing all the girls to you when they call? Is that how I got you every single time I called?” 

He grinned. “Not exactly. I told everybody that any calls that came in on Fridays at 7:00 were mine.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Well, how did you know I would call every single time?” You huffed out. “How do you know I might not have gotten held up? Or made plans at the last second? Or got fed up with you?”

He gave you a cocky smirk. “Because you liked talking to me. I could tell.”

You playfully swatted at his shoulder, making him laugh, and rolled your eyes. “It always amazes me that you’re able to make it through doorways with that massive ego of yours. That can’t be how you knew I would call you every time.”

His smirk grew and he nodded. 

“I hate you,” you mumbled. You didn’t really mean it and he knew you didn’t.

CJ pulled you closer up against him. “You have a weird way of showing that.” He inclined his head towards your embrace around his neck. 

“True,” you murmured and kissed him again.

“Plus,” CJ added when you pulled back. “You always said you would call back and I believed you.”

“Better,” you decided. “Though I will begrudgingly admit that I did like talking to you.”

“Like I said, I could—”

“Hush.” You covered his lips with yours and he chuckled into your mouth. When you pulled back this time, you laid your forehead against his, your eyes closed, smiling. “I love you,” you murmured.

“I love you, too” he whispered back to you, lifting up to press a kiss to your brow before you buried your head into his neck and he discreetly snuck his hands under your shirt to rub your back, just the way you liked. 

“Want to get out of here?” He asked you after a few minutes had passed.

“Mmm.” You lifted your head to look him in the eye. “No Fleetwood Mac this time, though.”

He laughed and helped you to your feet. “What have you got against one of the greatest bands of all time?”

“Nothing. It’s just weird to listen to that chorus when we’re about to…you know.” You could feel your cheeks starting to warm.

He grinned salaciously at you. “Oh, I know. Hey, at least it’s not the Star Wars theme.” He snickered at your glare and picked up your hand, kissing it. “No Fleetwood Mac tonight. Got it.” He intertwined your fingers and his grin softened into an affectionate smile before he led you out of there. You quickly made your goodbyes and hurried back to his place where he kept his promise of no rock group music track playing along to your own soundtrack. 

Later, as CJ slept, you repeatedly ran your fingers through his messy hair in soothing strokes as you studied him. Who knew calling the helpline that one Friday night would lead you here? Where you were happy, in love, and doing much better than you ever thought possible? You had gone from feeling overwhelmed by your education to feeling a different type of overwhelmed together. Overwhelming love and affection for the special person in your life; overwhelming gratitude for the progress you’d been able to make in managing your anxiety and panic attacks as best you could; and overwhelming contentment with every single moment, no matter the ups and downs that was best known as life. Regardless of whatever happened from here, you knew you’d be okay and you’d handle whatever was thrown your way. Like CJ had once said, one day at a time.

In his sleep, your boyfriend reached out for you and pulled you in closer to him, snuggling into your side and burrowing into your neck, making you smile.

And to think, you almost hadn’t made that call. You laid your head against CJ’s and closed your eyes. You were so glad you did.

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[sammyvhs]

skin : 1.06 — jess’s sister.

“Oh my god. Sam!” Your heart almost stops right then and there, if there was just a little bit less oxygen in the room you’re sure you’d have fainted by now. Because Sam Winchester is here. Where you are. In the same room, despite him not knowing it.  

“Well, if it isn’t little Becky.” You can hear the grin in his voice and it makes you frown. Not because you’d wish he was upset, you wouldn’t wish anything bad on anyone, but because you haven’t so much as smiled since you saw your sister on the ceiling. 

“And you know what you can do with that ‘little Becky’ crap.” You can see them from the kitchen doorway, hugging, and you decide to take the deepest breath of your life before you make your way over. You’re not usually this soft spoken or shy but the greeting that leaves you is as broken as you feel.

Your name falls from Sam’s lips slowly. He’s processing it, before Becky moves back to invite both of them in. You wave at Dean too. 

You’re sure one of them is about to say something before you decide you don’t want to hear it and make your way to the kitchen where you’re sure they’ll all be gathering shortly. 

“She’s not doing so well, I was so surprised when she came here, wanted to be there for Zach. And he appreciates it, she’s been here for me.” It’s not hard to hear the distinct difference between pity and kindness. Beck’s kind, always has been. You didn’t know her much, mostly you hung out with Zach when you came to visit Jess, so much so that you both kept in contact when you were in your own university. 

All three of them walk into the kitchen. “Beer?” You ask them, already making your way to the cooler. Dean nods enthusiastically while Sam declines. You bring out three cups of water instead. Becky is already going through enough as it is, you tried helping as much as you can, cooking for her and letting people know what was going on. You even called her parents. She’s better now but she was a mess when she first heard.

“So tell us what happened.” Sam pries, his arms resting on the counter. Becky relays everything back to them, from the details of how Emily was found to the call to 911. “Maybe we could see the crime scene? Zach’s house.” 

You furrow your eyebrows, hands coming up to rest on her shoulder, more of a comfort than anything. Dean sounds surprised at Sam’s suggestion as he elaborates, “Dean’s a cop.”

“Detective actually. Bisbee, Arizona.” 

“He’s a cop?” You don’t even realize it’s your voice until everyone is looking over at you. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“No, it’s— uh. Yeah, detective.” Who did nothing when your sister was burning on the ceiling? Who didn’t even talk with the police when they came to question you? Who didn’t offer you any kind of help when the cops said it was just a fire, no signs of foul play? 

You stay quiet after that and tell Beck you’ll hold down the fort while they go check out the crime scene. She leaves to get her keys and you’re standing there awkwardly behind the counter as the two men look over at each other. Eventually Dean clears his throat and says he’ll wait in the car.

“Hey.” His voice is gentler than you remember. Or maybe it’s the fact that you hardly remember it at all. Sam is… complicated. You know what you’re doing is wrong, holding onto someone else to help you grieve, someone who’s supposed to be grieving as well, but the truth is you can’t stop. You don’t know what else to do if not hope Sam will save you from drowning.

You repeat the sentiment as he walks over to you, both of you facing one another. “So, uh, I know I haven’t seen you in a while—”

“A month and a half. It’s been six weeks.” Since Jessica died.

“Right. I know. Me and Dean have just been busy.” When you don’t respond he sighs and keeps talking, “I mean, he just recently got on a break and when I left with him I’d join on cases occasionally, stuff like that. It helped take my mind off things.”

“Okay.”

“What— what about you? How are you holding up?” If you were a little stronger, you’d tell him to leave you alone. But he’s the only person you’ve wanted to see in weeks and he’s right goddamn here so instead you fling yourself into his arms and he hugs back just as tightly. “It’s okay. It’s alright.”

You know he’s hurting too, you just wish you could both take each other's hurt away. 

[underground-secret]

The Hunter and the Witch~ Dean Winchester x f!reader

Description: Just before they leave Kansas the group decides to eat and rest before continuing, giving Y/N the time she needs to visit her mother’s gravestone.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, dead parent, visiting a graveyard, lonely, angst with a happy ending (the happy ending almost didn’t happen)

Tag list: @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld , @okayiamkassandra , @fablesrose , @ada--44

Word Count: 2022

Reunion

(Master list, Previous ch, Next ch)

I sit in the backseat of the Impala, the wind blowing from the open window, messing up my hair and the book I have in my lap. My spell book. I look down at the hard brown book, only minutes ago did I have a small fight with Dean about what to do with it but even now the urge to do something itches at my bones.

With a small huff I open my bag pulling out a pen before flipping open to the page, on the top left corner I write “April 2005–bags did not work on a house haunted with a poltergeist.” The small warning did nothing to ease me but it would have to do for now, because to rip the page would be to destroy a piece of my mother and a piece of myself.

Dean was right, I'm not afraid to admit that, I am afraid to admit, however, that I acted harshly to his remarks. I knew I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I knew it even in the moment but the words left me too quickly for any rationale to hit me. I felt bad, it must have been hard for him to see his mom again and then there I was causing an argument to rub salt in a wound. Most of all I pity myself for getting like that, an awful anger festering in my gut.

"Hey, how 'bout we grab a bite and take a breather?" Dean suddenly speaks, breaking the silence of the car. I look up from my lap, where the book rested, I meet his eyes in the rear view mirror giving a small nod. I was hoping we would stop somewhere for a while so I could sneak away and visit someone. Sam agrees too so we drive on for a while.

I watch the view from my window the whole time, watching the trees and buildings go by when it suddenly becomes very familiar. I don’t know if it was on purpose or not but we pulled right up in front of my favorite diner, I always went there it had become a go-to very quickly. Different memories flash in my mind to the many times I went with my brother, friends, and even Dean. It’s then that I think it must have been on purpose but instead of happiness filling me it’s a sort of dred.

Even so nothing more is said as we exit the car, but just as I close the door behind me I say, “You guys go ahead, I'm not hungry.”

Dean gives me a confused look but it’s Sam that speaks up, “Do you want us to save you something?”

“No no it’s okay, thanks” I shake my head, clutching the strap of my bag to me. “Could you just text me whatever motel we’ll be staying at, in case I come back and you're not here”

“Where ‘you heading off to?” Dean asks, confusion and concern written in his eyes.

“Oh, I’m just gonna walk around” I half lie with a tight lipped smile to finish it off. Still Dean looks at me skeptically, which I suppose is completely fair, but he doesn't say anything about my blatant lie either. With a simple bye I walk away swiftly, feeling the burn of their gaze on me, only slowing down when I'm out of sight.

My feet guide me, the route so familiar I could do it blindfolded. I spent so many years in this town, and yet it all seems so foreign. It was like I was walking back in time directly toward my past, except nothing is exactly as I remembered it to be. I hate to admit it but I never thought I’d be doing this again.

At each crossroad I wait at, my heart feels like it’s being squeezed. A desperate sadness filling my lungs, how was it possible for something to be so familiar yet so foreign? It didn’t make sense. Yes time changes all things, and yet I think I expected it to still be the same like it couldn’t possibly change because this is where I grew up. Maybe it was because I never thought of this place anymore, hadn’t needed too. My past died here and I moved on because it was the only thing left to do. I never came back, never visited, never wondered what my friends who I met here were doing.

It hurt too much to think of Kansas when out of all the wonderful memories only the worst ones stuck out, branding itself to this place I called home.

I slow to a stop in front of a flower shop, the same one I always went to. I enter the small establishment, the bell ringing as I open the door. The strong aroma of all sorts of flowers hitting my nose, I don’t need to look around to know exactly what I want. What I came for.

I walked up to the counter immediately noticing the owner wasn't behind it, I remembered she always was and she even refused to hire any workers because this was her store and she didn’t want any “hooligans” to ruin her work. I have to remind myself that it’s been years, not a week or a month but years since I’ve been here. She probably retired or…no. I won’t let myself think that.

I leave with my bouquet of forget me-nots and white roses, my moms two favorite flowers. I hold the assortment gently as I continue my long walk. My mother loved forget me-nots she would gush over the meaning and the many poems and analogies she had heard, she was a romantic so the meaning was never lost on her. I definitely got that from her.

Eventually I arrive at the cemetery, the large black gate creaking as I push it open. I carry on the path taking a couple twists and turns before arriving at the gravestones. It was unkempt with dead leaves covering it, the sight alone made me want to cry. I wipe away the leaves that lay on top of it, using my shirt to clear the dirt from her name not caring about it getting dirty. I sit criss-cross right in front of her, “Hi mommy” I smile sadly, tears already filling my eyes. “I brought you flowers” I lift them slightly in emphasis.

Feeling it to be too improper to just lie them down, I produce a glass vase filled with water. Carefully I take the plastic wrapping off the bouquet, freeing the flowers from their restraint before placing them in the vase just beside her grave stone.

I let out a heavy sigh, “I missed you…I’m sorry I haven’t visited you since I moved away”

“God.” I sigh, looking up to the blue sky, fluffy clouds scattered over it, trying to prevent the tears from falling.

“You know” I laugh sadly, looking back at her, “This whole time we were here I planned on seeing you and I thought of so many things i’d like to tell you about, but now.…” I breathe out. “I don’t know.”

“There’s hardly a day that goes by in which I don’t miss you, It’s gotten easier since, well, you know.”

“But being here.” My voice trembles, “I feel as if I could lose my mind to the grief, I thought I was past that. Past being so…lost. Alone?”

I laugh, tears falling from my eyes, “I could really use one of your hugs right now”

I wiped my face, my cheeks feeling stiff from the tears, “I met your friend Missouri, she’s great, I'm surprised you or dad never mentioned her before.”

“Um. I’m with the Winchesters right now, helping ‘em out” I tell her, trying to think of the positives right now instead of the squeezing of my heart.

I swallow down a sob, my throat feeling tight with emotion once more, “I know you’d like to hear all the good in my life but being here, I can’t— I just. I miss you”

“I don’t care if that’s redundant when it’s the truth, I just…I’m so lonely” A sob breaks through my lips, and the tears flow down my face rapidly only this time I don’t try and conceal it. “That sounds so horrible to say because I’m with people I love and care so deeply for, yet something feels wrong. Something is missing and I don't feel quite whole.”

More tears fall, my eyes blur with it. Her gravestone and the flowers turn into a gray, green, blue, and white mix. “Have you ever felt that way?” I ask her even though I know I won’t get a response.

I sit there in silence for a few moments not really knowing what to say or what to do. I don’t want to leave just yet because I don’t know when I’ll be back, and to leave would feel like turning my back on her all over again. I scoot the way I sit so that my back is resting on the side of her gravestone with my legs extended in front of me. I lean my head to the side to rest on the frigid stone.

“I figure I’d find you here” A deep familiar voice suddenly says. My eyes shoot up from my fingers, watching Dean's approaching figure, a cup of something in each hand. I swiftly sit up, wiping at my face quickly trying to remove any evidence that I'd been crying, “What are you doing here.”

“Well Sammy bailed on me for some beauty sleep after you left. Noticed you were off, especially when you skipped out on one of your favorite diners.

‘Figured you’d end up here.” He’s closer now only a few paces away, I stand up to meet him. I don’t understand why he came or how he even remembered where her grave would be, “No offense but why’d you come here?”

He shrugs all nonchalantly, “Didn’t want you to be alone.” It was sweet he was here but it almost felt awkward, like this was too private of a moment. “I can leave if you want” He offers, sensing my hesitance.

“No! no it’s okay, thank you for coming, that's really sweet of you.” I spill out quickly, leaving out the part that my mom wouldn’t mind him being here either.

He shrugs again, “You’d do the same for me.”

“Also, I brought you a milkshake for old time sake. Wasn’t sure what flavor you’d go for, but knowing how indecisive you are anyway I got you a vanilla chocolate mix thing.” He extendeds one of the blue paper cups towards me and I knew he got them from the diner.

I take the cup from him, the coolness immediately seeping into my hand, “You know me well” I smile looking down at the milkshake not being able to meet his eyes. Now sweet wasn’t even the right word to describe him, he brought us milkshakes because when we hung out we would almost always go to a diner and get them with fries or a whole meal depending.

“I told you I did” He responds, reminding me again of our previous “fight.”

I look back at my moms grave, the flowers I brought sitting in the vase somehow the scene feeling lighter now. “We can stay, drink these here, if you want.” He offers, again sensing what I’m thinking.

I turn my head back towards him, this time meeting his green eyes, “No it’s okay.” And it was, I knew my mom would want this. She would want me to walk away now when I was happier and with someone I loved—that romantic in her shining through again. He nods and we begin to walk away, I take a sip of the milkshake, “God that’s good” I smile and he laughs.

We walk silently mostly, “Sorry about before, with the spell book. You were right.”

He swings his free arm around my shoulder tugging me closer to his side, “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.”

[reigningqueenofwords]

A New Pinky Promise

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Part 2 of Pinky Promise

When you announced your engagement on Christmas Eve, you couldn’t help laughing that all 4 parents reacted at the same time . Both Mary and your mother gasped “finally!”, your dad yelled “it’s about damn time!”, and John was beaming as he clapped Dean on the back saying “proud of you, son!”. Sam shook his head, chuckling. “Congrats, guys. Was wondering if this would ever happen. How long have you been seeing each other?” He asked, an amused yet curious look on his face. “Because neither of you said a thing.” He was close to both of you, and felt one of you would have mentioned it.

“Actually…” Dean laughed. “We haven’t been.” 

“I’m confused.” Your mom looked between the two of you. “What do you mean?” 

“Remember when Aunt Jody and Uncle Bobby got married? I was 10?” You asked, making her nod. “I was whining that I wouldn’t get to play with Dean all weekend.” You went on. “I asked what we would do when we were grown up and married and couldn’t play together all the time.” 

“So, I said that I just wouldn’t get married if I couldn’t play with her.” He shrugged, looking at you lovingly. 

Blushing, you continued. “Which made me suggest a pinky swear. If neither of us were married by the time we turned 25, we marry each other.” You explained easily. 

John’s eyebrows shot up at that. “You’re getting married because of a 15 year old pinky swear ?” He asked. 

“Why do you think I ‘suck’ at keeping a girlfriend?” Dean countered, making everyone look at him. 

“What?!” You blinked. “What are you talking about?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully. “It’s always been you. I just kept my fingers crossed we’d get to this point. We did.” 

Your mothers were all but melting over Dean’s confession. They were instantly talking about it between themselves, gushing over how they ‘always knew’. You tugged Dean’s arm, motioning to the kitchen, leaving Sam to chat with John and your dad. “Are you saying you always hoped that we’d get married?” You asked him once in the kitchen. 

“I mean, yeah.” He shrugged. “Been in love with you since we were 15.” He admitted before licking his lips. “Is that a bad thing?” 

Instead of answering him, you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He froze for a moment before he started kissing you back. Your arms wrapped around his neck as one of his hands went to your lower back, the other on the back of your neck. It was your first serious kiss with him, and you felt right at home. He held you like you were the most important thing in the entire world to him. 

After a few moments, you pulled back and looked up at him. “Do you think I think it’s a bad thing?” You asked playfully, making him laugh. “I’ve been in love with you for years, too.” You moved your hand to cup his cheek. 

“Guess we should have fessed up years ago.” He sighed. “But better late than never, right?” At least now he would have you by his side for the rest of our life. “How’s about we go save Sam from our moms?” 

You grinned. “Probably a good idea.” You agreed. 

“Hey, babe.” You answered your phone as you worked on packing up another box. “I’m working on packing up the last of my things now.” 

You could hear Dean’s smile when he spoke. “Can’t wait for you to be moved in.” He had gotten the house, and your dad had already started building the treehouse in the back. “Want me to drive up and help?” 

“You don’t think me and your dad can manage?” John had offered to help and him using his truck meant you didn’t have to rent a UHaul. 

“I haven’t seen you since New Year’s and I miss you.” He half whined. 

Giggling, you shook your head. “That was two weeks ago, silly.” You reminded him. “But, if you really want to help…I won’t say no.” You caved. “Your dad is driving up tomorrow, and by tomorrow night I will officially be living with you.” 

“Can’t fucking wait!” He had been counting the days. “I was hoping I could take you on a date tomorrow night?” In his mind, he had years of dates to make up for. 

“How about tomorrow we order a pizza and relax. We can go on one the day after. I’m just going to want to lounge after moving and driving.” You suggested. “I’ll even make sure I know where my cutest little dress is to wear.” 

He groaned lightly. “You are killing me, sweetheart.” 

“So, I shouldn’t mention that I like to sleep in nothing but a baggy shirt?” You teased, enjoying this. “Or maybe a tank and some comfy underwear?”

“You are mean .” He gasped. “And here I am, sleeping all alone tonight. Now I’m gonna be thinking of that.” 

“I could mention the tattoo I have that you’ve never seen.” You cracked up when you heard him trip. “Be careful!” You warned him. 

“Can you blame me? Putting all these thoughts in my head.” He defended himself. “I miss when you just made fun of my voice cracking.” 

You bit your lip at that. “Would a picture make it all better?” You flirted. 

There was a moment of silence. “Of the tattoo? Or just you? I mean, I’d be happy with anything my hot fiance sent me.” He flirted right back. 

“Alright, give me a second…” You moved to your bedroom where your full length mirror was. You were in a shirt you’d swiped from him over Christmas and a pair of lounge shorts. “Sent.” You told him after you snapped a picture of you posing for him. 

“God damn, sweetheart.” He whistled. “Is that my AC/DC shirt?” He laughed. “I thought I left that at my parent’s house!” 

“I swiped it to sleep in.” You admitted, sitting on the end of your bed. “All my friends are telling me I need to write a book and base it on us because we’re ‘so damn cute’, and our story is ‘envy inducing’.” You giggled.

“Hey, if you want to become some famous romance author, I’m all for it. Just don’t make my character look like Fabio on the cover.” He told you. “That’s Sam.” 

Laughing, you flopped back on the bed. “Deal.” 

Wedding planning, while a bit stressful at times, was nowhere near as bad as movies made it out to be. You and Dean planned on getting married December 23rd, exactly one year from when he proposed. You’d be getting married in your parents backyard, and planned to get some pictures in the treehouse. You didn’t care that you’d have to climb up the ladder in your dress, or that it would be cold doing so. That treehouse held a lot of important memories for the two of you. 

Then, the reception would be at a local hotel. It would be your parents, Dean’s family, your Aunt Jody, your Uncle Bobby, and a few friends that you and Dean shared. Some couldn’t make it because it was so close to Christmas, and you understood. Which was why the friends that couldn’t make it would get a DVD of it. You’d hired a photographer and a videographer to make sure every memory was captured. 

You, Mary, your mother, your Aunt Jody, and a couple of your friends went dress shopping the first week in July. You hadn’t wanted the ‘princess’ type dress for yourself, if you were being honest…until two weeks before that. 

“Dean, I don’t need something big and fancy.” You assured him as the two of you worked on picking out a design for the cake. “It’s not a huge wedding, and we’re not fancy people.” 

Dean gave you a bored look. “You deserve to feel like a princess on our wedding day, because you’ll be one.” He told you, pointing once again to a fancy cake. 

You leaned over and pecked his lips. “You make me feel like a princess every day.” You smiled. “But if you feel that way, how about we compromise? You can pick the decorations, but I get to pick the cake size.” You offered, feeling that was fair. 

“Deal.” He beamed. 

“I thought you wanted something more simple?” Your mother asked as you tried on your first dress. 

You looked over your shoulder at her. “Because that’s what Dean thinks I want, too.” You smirked. “He said that I deserve to feel like a princess on our wedding day. I know him. That means he wants to see me look like one. So, I’m surprising him. I’m going to find a princess dress I like.” You told her, looking into the mirror again.

“He’s going to think you look beautiful no matter what you wear.” Mary promised you. 

“I know.” You told her. “But I’m sure I can find a princess type dress that doesn’t make me feel like I’m wearing a costume.” 

The woman helping you perked up. “I have just the dress in mind!” She beamed. “I’ll be right back!” She said before rushing off. 

“She looked very excited.” You mused. “I’m eager to see what she comes back with.” 

The dress she showed you was perfect . You’d tried it on and couldn’t help but tear up. Mary paid for it, a present from her and John. 

Every decision made, and every fee paid made everything feel so much more real. And made you that much more excited for the future. Walking into your bedroom one night, you paused and watched Dean for a moment. He was reading a book, and moving his lips as he did. The only time he did that was when he spaced out and needed to reread a paragraph. You thought it was adorable. “Hey, Dean?” You started, moving to crawl up the bed. 

“Yeah, sweetheart?” He answered, looking up from his book. Seeing you moving towards him, he smirked and put down his book. “If you want what I think you want, the answer is hell yes.” 

Wiggling your eyebrows, you sat back on your feet. “We’re about to finally fulfill our pinky promise.” You said happily. 

His face lit up at that. “One week!” He got excited. 

“I propose a new pinky promise.” You said softly, reaching for his hand. 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” He was curious as he held your hand in his. 

You were nervous, but pushed on. “How about we pinky promise to have our first baby in the next couple years?” Your heart was pounding in your chest. 

His eyes sparkled as he lifted his other hand, holding out his pinky. “I pinky promise that we will have our first kid sooner rather than later.” 

Looping your pinky with his, you laughed as tugged you towards him. “When would sooner be for you?” You asked, wondering if he had a time frame. 

Dean pretended to think. “How’s about nine months from now?” 

[couldyouimagine-that]

Dance Out the Blues

Genre; hurt/comfort

Word count; 1.0k

Warnings; just the reader feeling a bit down

Pairing; Gabriel (Supernatural) x Reader

The reader feels bad for no discernible reason (hey didn’t I write a Lucifer story that started like that? :D) and Gabriel knows exactly what to do to lift your mood.  

This is just a lot of Gabriel being goofy to make the reader laugh. I had fun writing it, let me know what you think - and remember, if you can put on an upbeat song and dance to it, it really does help!

Masterlist

-

You could sense the moment your mood changed. Your previously good day soured suddenly, leaving you feeling low on energy and inexplicably down on everything. You doubted anything about you changed in terms of your expression or body language, but one of the perks of having an archangel care about you is that nothing needed to physically change.

Gabriel could sense the moment your mood changed. He’d seen this happen to you enough times, he knew how it would ruin the rest of your day and how hard it was for you to recover from feeling the way you did. He had also silently paid attention to how you dealt with these situations yourself, so he knew what would help you recover.

Without wasting a moment, he strode straight over to where you were sitting at the table in the bunker’s library. You were behind a laptop screen, not reading the lore you had previously been poring over as you no doubt overanalysed what was going on and why. Gabriel had often spent time – days, weeks on end – doing the same thing. But one thing his many millennia of life had taught him was that it was no good. A complete waste of time in his opinion, particularly when he had such an easy fix for you waiting right up his sleeve.

You didn’t look up at him when he arrived behind you, but he grabbed the back of your chair and spun it with you still firmly seated so that you were facing out towards him. That had your attention on him where he wanted it, but you didn’t even have the energy to be annoyed at him for interrupting what you were doing. You went to ask what was going on, but he leaned down and snatched your hand up before you had the chance. One gentle tug – by an archangel’s standards at least – had you on your feet. He gave you an award-winning grin, mirth twinkling in his eyes, as he dragged you along the length of the library before you knew what was happening. He ignored all your aborted iterations of what’s happening, what are you doing, why are you doing it in favour of just speeding up. You clocked the suspicious (Dean) and surprised (Sam) raised brows from the Winchester brothers, but Gabriel ignored them too.

“Come on!” Gabriel encouraged you warmly, pulling your arm up above your head and drawing you into a twirl. You had to smile when he didn’t give you a second to recover, twirling you again at the end of the table then snapping his fingers. Your surroundings became a grand dance hall, all polished wooden floors and high ceilings. He snapped again and music filled the room, but it wasn’t coming through any speakers you could see. The song was upbeat, one which you held close to your heart and which filled you with enough energy to dance the night away if you had the chance.

You didn’t remember ever telling Gabriel that you loved this song, but the playful flick of his brows said you didn’t need to ask, he just had his ways. He started dancing by himself, moving his hips to the rhythm and backing away from you in light steps. He held his arms out in front of him, again encouraging you to follow, and giving you the most overexaggerated pout you had ever seen when you didn’t immediately go to him. That had you laughing in spite of yourself, but then he sashayed back over to you and swept you into his arms.

Gabriel made you work to keep up with his energetic steps until you started taking the initiative yourself, matching him with your hips, shoulders and feet moving in time. He stepped back, spinning himself in place and donning an excessively styled black mustache when he turned back around, curled up at the ends and stuck into place with adhesive. This was accompanied by a costume change, his casual jacket replaced by a white button up rolled up to the elbows and a patterned vest. His grin sharpened to a smirk and he dropped his head forward, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. You laughed openly, exactly what he was aiming for, and you were back in his arms before you knew it.

Gabriel managed to make it impossible for you to look away from him, spinning and twirling you until you could hardly keep up for your breathless laughter. He drew you into a low dip as the song ended then brought you back up to his chest. You held his shoulders for support, leaning your forehead against your hand as you caught your breath. When you moved back, still smiling, there was a challenge in Gabriel’s eyes.

“Feel better?” He asked, self-confident and cocky and yet still lovable for it.

“Shut the hell up,” you hit back, shoving him and turning away to hide your smile. He was behind you in seconds, arms wrapped around you and leaning over your shoulder to see your face.

“You feel better,” he stated, confirming the fact with himself by saying it aloud. “You can admit it, it won’t hold it against you.” He rested his chin on your shoulder, eyes bright and tone cajoling. “I’m waiting.” You condescended to meet his gaze but refused to move your head to do so, giving him what you hoped was an effective side eye.

“Your mustache is falling off, idiot.”

He leapt back with a horrified gasp, hands flying to his face to straighten out the offending accessory. Your snort was anything but graceful. Gabriel struck a pose with his newly fixed moustache which had you dissolving into laughter all over again.

“I do actually feel better though,” you admitted after a moment. “Thank you for – whatever you did. It worked.”

“I know,” he offered. Cocky. Self-confident. Still. “Wanna tell me how you’re gonna make it up to me?” Your head tipped back with the weight of your scoff.

“You wish.”

The good-natured banter went back and forth as Gabriel snapped you back to the bunker, Sam and Dean gave you identical looks to when you had left, and the hours of reading you had ahead of you suddenly didn’t feel so bad.

[multifandom-26]

Maybe an angry sprit isn’t so bad S.W

Sam Winchester x female reader s1/s2 era Sam. No warnings I don’t think besides normal supernatural stuff and kissing. Let me know if it’s bad lol. Archeology reader AU.

Sam, Dean, y/n

7:48 A.M 📍the impala

Are we almost there at least? Sure are Sammy welcome to college, he says looking ahead at the campus. So dad sent us to this location because?. Because jerk it’s some sort of artifact that apparently caused a spirit to be stuck and pissed off. So what were just walk around campus asking hey who’s got any ancient artifacts lying around? Sam laughs. Dean sighs no, and I thought you were the smart one, but they have one of the best archeological programs in the U.S so maybe we find an archeology major who’s been on a trip recently. Sam nods, yeah I guess but how do we know who’s even apart of the program. don’t worry I’ll handle that just wait here. As Dean goes inside Sam sits in the car looking around, he gets a sad feeling and reminisces on his college time. He won’t admit it but he does wish he could’ve just done both or not hunted at all. Soon enough Dean comes back out with a list of names and addresses. They go from one dorm to another to an apartment complex and then to another one when they see from the street in front of it that the lights are going on and off. Sam looks up this must be our one. Dean laughs yeah or the electrician did a terrible wiring job. They head inside and get to the room number on the paper they knock then hear a few things slam around inside before a girl opens it. The boys look down at the girl and go are you Y/N Y/L/N she nods and responds with and you are? Dean clears his throat um we’re museum curators, and we heard you’ve got a very interesting piece of pottery. The girl nods still confused they can tell. Sam takes the lead now, as Dean is thinking. “May we come in” Y/N looks up at them, tell me why your really here first and maybe, you know stranger danger and all that but lying to? They laugh Dean smiles, you wouldn’t believe us if we told you even. Y/N smirks try me, I’m an archeology major I’ve heard of every urban legend, detailed myths, and cruses you could think of. They exchange looks, Dean just shakes his head and goes fine but we can’t just exactly say this shit in a hallway. She sighs and invites them in. Whatever was in here calmed down a bit at least.

8:23 am 📍y/n apartment

So you’re an archeology major what’s that like Dean asks. Sam rolls his eyes at his brother , y/n laughs um it’s pretty cool I get to go on digs in the summer last place I went was Serbia then Guam. Really Sam asks now more interested, yeah she smiles it’s amazing, you get to travel, research, and learn about the past which is all I’ve ever wanted to do. Dean smiles we uh kind of do that too, well not to your level but same idea. Sam clear his throat, you said you know about urban legends, myths etc.. what do you think this is? Y/N laughs slow down first who are you guys really, and why are you so interested in whatever is going on with the cursed pottery. Sam looks over to Dean and they just nod, well I’m sam and this my older brother Dean we uh.. we hunt the supernatural. Y/N laughs covering her mouth, uh sorry I didn’t mean to laugh but I knew you weren’t museum curators. Dean looks at her, you’re not freaked out? Not really she smiles it’s interesting besides it’s not my first run in with an angry spirit and awakening something. The boys both now are staring at her, in sync they go this happened before. Y/N shrugs I mean yeah kind of apart of the job. Now I have some books about the pottery piece where and whose it’s associated with so maybe that will help. But we cannot destroy it.

10:36 AM 📍 on the way to diner.

I’m so exhausted, and hungry, I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. . You literally ate this morning and We’re on our way to a literal diner right now if you didn’t remember Sam reminds him. Y/N sits in the back seat quietly and looks out the window and says to turn here and there when they need. They arrive and sit in a booth, what made you want to bring that thing back with you anyways and how did you get it through airport security? Y/N laughs, well it was cool and I was doing a report on it and I am supposed to bring it back to New York for the head researches to do whatever with it but I hit a writing and research block, and for the airport security I have an archeological pass for certain items to be brought through. You do need to get a shit ton of stuff signed through saying all of the info and they’re allowing you to take it out of the country. Dean smiles makes sense, Sam clears his throat so uh, a writing block he says. The girl sighs, yeah I mean it’s been days and I just can’t seem to say what I wanna say and my researching has not been the best. Do you think it’s because of the object Sam asks. She sighs I mean maybe but, I’m also just under a lot of stress right now too with finals and everything and I have one more semester before I graduate so it’s a bit nerve wracking. The boys both shoot her a look of sympathy at her words. Throughout the rest of their meal and chat Dean notices Sam staring at the girl, smiling, and being more bubbly than usual. They leave and head back to y/n’s apartment.

1:07PM 📍y/n’s place

The three sit and stare at the vase, y/n explains the history on it and then tells them she thinks it’s associated with the spirit, As there sitting and reading and writing on post it’s, the piece falls to the floor out of nowhere but dosent break. They sit still almost waiting for another thing to happen just make it sure it wasn’t a weird mishap. Then the lights flicker, and piece goes flying across the room and she appears. A woman, and at that an angry looking one. The boys start grabbing their stuff they make a salt ring around the woman as she just stands there staring at y/n. It then speaks the word return. Y/n is directly behind Sam and at hearing the woman’s words she grabs onto his arm out of fear. Sam feels it and his face heats up, but he smiles, don’t worry we’re not gonna let her get you. Or us. Dean yells do not forget we’re also here and apart of this now Sammy.. obviously sam rolls his eyes. The woman tries to move closer to them but is stopped by the salt ring. Return she says again. Y/N steps out, you return the woman yells again. Y/n picks up the pottery holding it, was this yours? The woman nods. Y/n smiles it’s beautiful, really amazing work. What’s your name? Sofia the woman replies, well Sofia you must have worked hard on this. The woman nods, as y/n is distracting her Sam and Dean start chanting and the woman groans than shrieks a black cloud coming out of her mouth and then she is gone. They all stand staring at where she was, nice work guys y/n smiles. Kinda our thing Dean laughs.

5PM 📍 the apartment

So I wanted to thank you guys for everything today, so… I made steak. Steak! Dean asks excitedly. Yes Y/n smiles. Thank you really, for all of this for helping, the food, and talking to her. Sam smiles. Y/N looks down blushing a bit oh it was nothing. They sit down and eat mindlessly chatting away. Telling Y/N about where they’ll be going next probably and she tells them she can’t wait till next week when finals are done and the summers hers. She is sad though she’s gonna miss them especially Sam, the one she couldn’t keep her eyes off, ever since he appeared in her doorway, the one who thought about her safety, laughed at her jokes, thanked her for the help. Sam… she was going to miss him for sure. Dean noticed her eyeing him as well at points, like now she seemed lost in thought and staring at him. You guys done with your plates, Dean asks getting up. Yeah you and Sam reply hanging them to him. Y/N speaks first, so you guys leave tomorrow morning? Sam sighs yeah, you know always moving. She nods. Y/n laughs I wish I could come, it sounds kinda fun what you guys do, heroic. Sam smiles, yeah me to it would be a refreshing break from having just Dean around. Speaking of him you laugh, where did he go? I thought to put the plates in the kitchen he would’ve been back by now my apartment isn’t big. He could’ve snuck out and went to the bar. Oh okay well it’s just me and you I guess than, do you want anything to dri- y/n gets cut off when Sam kisses her, shocked at first she then kisses back, deepening the kiss she puts her hands around his neck and scoots even closer to him. He wraps his arms around her waist, they break apart after a bit. Sorry he smiles I just I’ve been wanting to do that the whole day but I was nervous that you didn’t like me and I actually still don’t know but- hey she smiles I like you I’ve liked you since you walked through that door this morning. He smiles well in that case, he leans in and kisses her again.

9pm📍the couch

Sitting on Sam’s lap leaning against him, you’re both watching tv you are slowly drifting to sleep. The door opens with the key Dean swiped, Dean steps in and smiles silently pumping his fist, he pulls out his phone and snaps a photo.

7am the next morning:

Come with us when you’re finished we’ll drive back and pick you up even Sam states. The girl smiles, I mean you know it’s my summer, and I’m gonna do this she smiles. Sam hugs her, I can’t wait to see you again. Me to she sighs, I’ll miss you. The pair kiss before he gets in the car and the boys head off. Maybe having an angry spirit in your house isn’t so bad after all.

[alexsoenomel]

It’s 3am and I Miss You (Dean Winchester x Reader fluff)

Summary: You broke your leg and can’t sleep because Dean is on a hunt 

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: just fluff

Word count: 508

Note: I wrote this when I couldn't sleep.  Enjoy! Like/Reblog or both if you like it! :)

It was 3am and you couldn’t sleep. Your thoughts were drifting towards Dean, and the fact that he wasn’t in the bed you shared next to you hurt a little. He was working in New York with Sam, leaving you alone with your thoughts and a broken leg which you earned when a demon tried to run you over with your own car. It was swell being stuck in the bunker for almost 2 weeks now. You turned on the light on your night stand and took your phone. He can’t be asleep it was only 3am here, so 4am in New York and Dean was a night owl just like his little brother. After two rings he answered.

“Hi handsome.”

“Hey sweetheart, is everything okay? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I can’t. I miss you.”

He smiled. “I miss you too you baby more than you know.”

“It gets really lonely and cold when you aren’t here.”

“Same here. New York is really busy as always, plus with a nest of vampires on the loose…” You hear a sigh leave his lips. “I can’t wait to get home.”

“How is the case going? Is Sam okay?” Sammy had broken 3 ribs few weeks ago while working a case in Chicago and since then he had been in pretty bad shape. Dean tried to tell him to stay home with you but of course he wouldn’t listen.

“Sammy is good; sleeping like a baby and the case…well I’m watching Game of thrones right now. We will go finish this tomorrow. How is your leg?”

A smile appeared on your face. The love you shared for Game of thrones was the thing that brought you two together in the first place. One night it just happened. You were sitting on the couch watching your favorite show all snuggled up under the blanket when you felt something on your thigh, his touch…it gave you butterflies. You were confused but at the same time you could feel the excitement. When your eyes met, few seconds later so did your lips and, well the rest was history. He told you he wanted to kiss you as long as he could remember which made you blush instantly.

“You are always in the mood for Game of thrones. The leg is good I guess, I’m so sick of doing nothing all day.”  

“You know me.” He smiled. “I know, I know.”

“I know you have been gone for just 3 days but I really miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Hey Dean?”

“Yes?”

“I love you please be careful out there.”

“I love you too and don’t worry I will sweetheart.”

Hearing his voice was enough to make you fall asleep. Your eyes felt heavy, your brain felt lost in a deep state of happiness when you remembered who slept on the other side of the bed and you started drifting. Plus something about his voice screamed You are safe.

“Good night handsome see you soon. Thank you for existing.” You said.

“Good night (Y/N).”

[according2thelore]

different anon jumping in here but hot damn i'd read 500k of just your slice of life vignettes about this ls/es crossover. plot is so beyond unnecessary for this one holy shit just please hit a million word count giving us this juice. not sure if you had plans for first time/established but i'm now fantasizing about the added layers of all the varieties of it. the dark spiraly angst of es!bros who never crossed the line and have just barely begun to think about it, all naked panic and throes of guilt and excitement, trapped in a timeline with ls!bros who crossed it years back and can't help poking at the es versions of themselves bc they both know how hard it was for them. or, even better, if all 4 are still sort of peeking over the fence at the possibilities and ls!bros are going on year 30 of angsty mutual pining and here come the versions of themselves who made these emotions the ugliest that they ever were ... yum. yummyyyyyy please keep going

AAAA thank you so much!!!!!! :,)

i'm so honoured and glad that you like them! 🥰 these are so fun to write, so i hope you all keep thinking they're interesting, lol!

in my head, i've been picturing ES!Sam&Dean as being not "together," and as LS!Sam&Dean as being pretty firmly together/established.

it happened around a year and a half back, the slow realization that they both felt the same way, that the ownership and protectiveness and fear that close wouldn't be close enough, that they had for a while--single digits while. there wasn't any big "thing" that did it, just a bad hunt and a slow recovery and with all the god business, it just seems fair that they finally get to have this. it doesn't even feel like anything "new," more like an extension of what they already are to each other, what they already do. more of an equilibrium, a homeostasis, the world settling back into how it is supposed to be.

sometimes dean finds himself in the reflex of leaning away before he remembers that he can actually lean forward if he wants to. sam kicks his brother's shins under the table when he's being a dick but kisses him afterwards.

but ES!Sam&Dean are still stuck in the early stages. ES!Dean spent years mourning and hating sam for leaving, thumbing old polaroids of him in his middle school theater costume until the film starts to peel away and the picture underneath chips. sam had been hoping that the time apart would make his stomach less riotous, something with more ability to be tamed, but after jess and during the quiet moments spent in motel rooms, driving while sun filters through the windscreen and warming denim-clad legs and old leather, sam realizes that nothing has changed.

it makes him feel even more wretched because was he using jess this whole time? no. he loved her. he really did. dean just chips away at the hardest parts of his grief, the most isolating, with quips and burgers and big, earnest eyes. but how can someone find space for anything that's not dean in their chest, when he looks over with a betrayed moue and his hand glued to a beer bottle?

with sam's nightmares shaking him awake almost nightly, they've gotten in the habit of touching each other, fingers on wrists and dean's palm at the back of his neck and ankles crossing under tables and eyes tracking chapped lips and sides pressed together all the way down shoulders-biceps-forearms-waists-hips-thighs.

so when ES!Dean tries to find LS!Dean to ask him about the keys to the armory--because, hey, cool--he sees the door to his bedroom open. he sees the two pillows. sam's house shoes on one side of the bed. dean's on the other. the lube on the fucking nightstand that they don't even bother to put away because who ever comes over

and ES!Dean is...floored. fucking agog. and he gets even more flustered around LS!Sam and more convinced that this is some kind of alternate timeline/universe or something in which sam actually wants him back

he's blushing whenever LS!Sam looks at him and can't stop looking up at his not-so-little brother, built like a statue and making dean sweat with his fond smiles. he can't stop jerking off to imagining what it would be like to pull him down into a kiss, or feeling him from behind as he presses in. and this makes LS!Dean even more unworthy in ES!Dean's opinion, a murdering bastard drowning in gold and splendour. he thinks about it all the time--can't stop thinking about it. ES!Dean tries to catch LS!Sam's attention like 'me too, right? i'm good enough too, right?'

plus, it also fuels his anger at LS!Dean bc how did sam find out? how did this happen? did you force sam into this, you sick fuck? we swore on mom's grave that he'd never find out. no way sam actually wants us, no fucking shot.

if ES!Sam finds out, it would all kind of blow up, i think. it would be messy and sam would be furious because is that what ES!Dean's been trying to do and why he suddenly can't look either sam in the eye?? he wants to fuck LS!Sam?? what is different about him that ES!Sam doesn't have? it's kind of a betrayal on both fronts: a brother that only wants a specific not-ES!Sam version of sam, and a version of his older self that steals his brother out from under him.

not to mention, the whole time LS!Sam&Dean are looking at their younger selves with a weird mix of glee and pity, bc they don't even know yet, know what the word "brother" means, how it can mean everything at once, and to what extents they are willing to go to keep each other.

ARGH! it would be so messy!!! the tangled webs of longing and possession and just sheer goddamn need!

but anon!!!! you're so right!!!!!!!!! if neither of them are together, and suddenly they have to interact with these younger versions of themselves, who, if they can't have each other--who knows? with their big eyes and clear admiration and longing? these feelings have never been easy, but with ES!Sam&Dean, they're so messy. they bleed want, and it's agonizing to witness. idk...makes u think...

anyway. thank you for this lovely ask anon! and for your kind words!! if only i could write a million words about them, lol! x <3

-lizzy

(for the new: ES = early seasons, LS = late seasons; the other ES/LS posts can be found here!)

[kitkatscabinet]

PROMPTS I'D LOVE TO WRITE

Credits to the following for certain prompts: @leneemusing @novelbear @creativepromptsforwriting @soulprompts @flovprompts @memesomething

FLUFF

' i don't want to spend any time apart from you. ''

'' i really need you to know that [that i love you]. ''

“ wait, you knew? “ “ you haven't exactly been discreet... “ Jason Todd

'' so, do you... love me back, or? ''

“ do you have feelings for me or something? “

“ i think i'm falling in love with you. “

“i love it when you smile! i wish you’d do it all the time… ”

“ you can’t get rid of me that easily. i’m gonna be here every day to remind you how wonderful you are! ”

“ you know me. you… you see me. i’m never totally myself unless i’m with you. ”

“ we all have our flaws. you stayed with me in spite of mine. now i’m doing the same… ”

“ of course i remembered! i remember everything about you! ”

“ don’t make this weird, but… i saw this in the store. figured you’d like it. ”

“ whoa… hey, now, who made you cry? where’d they go? ”

“ don’t make a big deal out of this. you like hugs, right? so… here’s a hug. ”

“ um… if you don’t mind, i think i’d like a hug now. if that’s okay… ”

“You’re cute when you’re jealous”

“ the world just… feels right. when you’re with me. ”

"is this okay?" "it's more than okay."

JEALOUS/PROTECTIVE

❝  i just didn’t like the way they were looking at you.  like you weren’t mine.  ❞ John Mactavish

❝  you know i’m yours,  right?  i only have eyes for you.  ❞

❝  hey,  is this asshole bothering you?  ❞ Dean Winchester

❝  tell me you’re mine.  ❞

❝  you wanna lose a limb?  beat it,  fucker.  ❞

for one muse to possessively kiss the other in public.

for one muse to lean into the other’s side or hug them to seek comfort from a crowd or individual while in public.

FRIENDS TO LOVERS

going as each other’s “platonic” date to a mutual friend’s wedding

agreeing to kiss each other “just to see what it’s like”

punching the guy who broke your best friend’s heart

friends and family think we’re dating because we’re always acting like a couple

sharing clothes, we're just that comfortable with each other

accidentally blurting out “i love you” during a conversation

i’m watching you date all these other people and i don't know what it is i'm feeling but it's definitely not jealousy

you're upset and disappear for a couple hours, and i'm the only one who knows where to find you (which is at the location we always hung out at as children)

one dropping hints about their feelings, the other one is completely oblivious

hearing your best friend say you’re nothing more than friends, dying a little on the inside because you wish it was more than that

family and friends constantly pointing out how compatible you are with each other

ANGST

'' i can't do this without you. ''

'' don't you dare... don't you dare say goodbye. ''

'' it's okay. '' '' it's not okay. ''

'' do you remember that song, that we always used to sing as kids? [could you...?] 

'' don't you dare close your eyes. ''

'' she's not dead...! ''

'' you're gonna be okay. ''

“ can you move? “

“ why is it so difficult for you to believe that you deserve to be protected? “

“ stay close. whatever you do, do not leave my side. “ Dean Winchester

“ i’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. no matter the cost. “

“They say you almost died. You left it that late.”

“ tell me it isn't true. “ “ i can't."

“ why is it so damn difficult for you to believe you’re worthy of love? ”

HURT/COMFORT

"I don’t know how to just live.  I constantly feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop."

“There are just too many people depending on me.  I can’t rest.  I can’t let them down.”

“Every time I start to feel like things are getting quieter and I can feel safe,  something bad always happens. ”

“I’m here and I’m not leaving or letting you change the subject. now talk to me.”

“You’re important to me. Do you hear me?  you’re important, and that’s never gonna change.   ”

“I’m not going anywhere until you get some sleep.”

“I want to take care of you.  please,  let me.”

“You’re a good person. good people deserve to be safe."

“I’m going to protect you, now. because that’s what we do for the ones we love. we keep them safe.“

"It's alright... it's okay... I'm here now. I've got you."

"Of course I came for you... it would take far more than that to stop me. "

❝I know I can’t protect you from everything,  but I wish you’d let me protect you from the things I can control.❞

“You’re safe. [Name], can you hear me? They’re here to help you, you need to let them help you.”

“I wasn’t –… Your doctors weren’t sure you’d wake up.”

“You.. you were so close to dying. I was scared.”

SCENARIOS/ACTIONS

Smiling at each other from across the room

Laying a hand on the other’s leg

Fixing the other’s clothes 

A kiss to the side of the head

Embracing from behind

Laying your head on their shoulder

Bumping shoulders

you take their hands firmly, intertwine their fingers with yours

you repeatedly say you love them when they’re anxious/experiencing low self-worth

put your hands on lover’s cheeks, cradle their face in your hands

you get really mad when you hear someone hurl an insult your lover’s way

for sender to catch or steady receiver when receiver tries to stand up too early or to push their body past what it’s ready for

 for receiving muse to not recognize sender or medical staff trying to help them, due to being drugged or otherwise disoriented – so they fight.

SECRET DATING/CONSEQUENCES

“You will cut all ties with them”

“Where were you last night?”

“How long? ” [a confused pause] “How long have you two been in a relationship

“How long do you think it’s going to take before your family finds out? ”

"If I ask you to kiss me in front of all these people, will you do it?"

[spnexploration]

Collared part 8

Pairing: Dean x Reader eventually

Series summary: Sam and Dean save a woman from where she has been held as a slave by a witch. But things turn dark whenever they try to take her magic collar off, leaving them with a slave to look after and a curse to break.

Episode summary: Dean looks after you by himself

Warnings: Nothing particularly bad in this part

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: Sometimes, her interpretations of situations gets even me :(

Series masterlist | Supernatural writing masterlist

Part 7 <- -> Part 9

Things were harder for Dean without Sam there.

You were pretty much the same, you followed him around unless he told you not to.  You only ate when he told you to, slept when he told you to, went anywhere when he told you to. But without Sam, he couldn't delegate any of those jobs. Didn't have someone to talk to about how ridiculous his life had become. Didn't have someone to talk to at all, all you said was “Yes, sir” to anything he said.

And he worried it was harder for you too. You were slightly more relaxed around Sam, perhaps less worried he was going to be angry with you about every little thing.

He tried to make it easier for you. He'd tried joking with you, which had fallen incredibly flat. He’d tried asking you questions, which you pretty much always answered that everything was his decision and his preferences.

He put on music after that.

---

You weren't sure what being someone's companion entailed, but you were determined to do it well, to make your master happy with you. You estimated that you'd eaten more food over the last 6 days with the brothers than you had in the month prior. You were warm, you had cushions to kneel on, and you hadn't been punished once.

And even though it still terrified you to think like this, you really liked it when your master paid attention to you. You liked it when he touched you gently. You couldn’t remember anyone touching you gently, except to follow up with being rough or punishing you later.

You took your job seriously. You were quick to agree with him, stayed by his side constantly, obeyed his orders even when he didn't quite phrase them as orders so the collar didn't force you to. You so wanted him to like you.

---

“Hey, Y/N. Time for bed,” your master said.

“Yes, sir.” You rose to your feet, standing with your head bowed.

“You go get changed, I'll be there in a minute.”

“Yes, sir.” It had been like this since the first night, one of the brothers would come to check on you when they told you to go to bed. It was very different to just being left alone in your room, waiting for when the next client would appear.

You stood in your room, dressed in the pyjamas Sam had bought you on a trip to the local town, head bowed, waiting for your master’s inspection. You weren't sure what he was looking for, so you made sure to adhere to all of your rules as closely as you could. The room was tidy, your clothes neatly folded. Your body was clean, how he liked it. You kept your expression blank.

“Are you ok? Do you have everything you need?” your master asked.

“Yes, sir.” You weren't sure why he always asked questions like that. Perhaps asking irrelevant questions helped with his loneliness.

“Ok, good night, Y/N,” he said before turning to the door.

“Good night, sir,” you said quietly. You hadn't said that before. His face spread into a grin as he looked at you.

You had made him happy.

---

You woke in the night to sounds of agitation, aggression. You were scared, worried your mistress or one of the handlers was going to come into your room and punish you.

But you weren't in room 14 anymore.

That thought made you more scared. You were used to violence in room 14. You knew what to expect.

What could be happening here?

You huddled in your blanket, until you realised that being caught with luxuries would make things worse for you. But your master had said he wanted you to use them, although he hadn't made it an order. Would he be mad at you if you weren't?

You heard your master yell. Was he in trouble?

You couldn't work out what you were meant to do. Stay in your room? Go to help? How would you help? Would your master be upset with you for leaving your room? He had been very clear that he wasn't ordering you to stay, but this wasn't one of the reasons he’d given that you might want to leave.

Your hands shook with indecision.

Your master wanted you for company. He didn't want to be alone. Perhaps he didn't want to be alone when he was in trouble, either.

You stood up.

You carefully opened your door, still in awe that you could do that. You listened for noises.

Your master was saying something. You followed the sound of his voice to his room.

You stood outside his room. You had never been allowed into your mistress’s room. Your master surely wouldn't want you in his room either. You were a slave, masters did not want their own rooms sullied by your presence.

Your master yelled again. You were torn between thinking you shouldn't go into his room and thinking he was in trouble and would expect you to go to him.

You carefully put your hand on the door handle. You tested it. It was not locked. You turned the handle and opened the door.

Your master was in bed. The sheets were tangled around him. He was tossing and turning in his sleep, grunting, yelling and mumbling things. You didn't know what was happening.

He yelled again which scared you, and you knocked the door fully open. It banged against the wall behind it.

Suddenly, your master’s eyes opened and in one fluid motion, he pulled a gun from underneath his pillow and pointed it at you. You yelped and fell to your knees, crying, “I'm sorry master, I'm sorry master! Please don't hurt me, I can be good! Please, master!”

He hastily put down the gun and came running over to you, “Shit, sorry Y/N!”

He crouched down next to you as you continued to sob and beg. “Hey, hey, I'm sorry,” he said reassuringly. “I didn't mean to scare you. I'm not going to hurt you. It's- it's a habit, I didn't mean to point a gun at you.”

He touched your shoulder and you flinched, but he kept gentle hold of it. His gentle touch made you start to calm down.

“Shh, shh, there we go,” he was saying. “Calm down for me sweetheart, that's a good girl.”

Once your breathing was back to normal, he seemed to relax a bit too.

“I'm so sorry, sweetheart,” he said again. “That must have been scary.” You didn't know what to say or do. It had been terrifying, but you'd been put in many terrifying situations before and no one had ever apologised for it.

After another few moments, he spoke again, “Was there something wrong? Did you need me?”

“You- you were yelling, sir. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry, sir!”

“Oh, I must have been having a nightmare. That happens to me sometimes. I'm sorry I scared you.” Your master was apologising to you when you were the one who had done the wrong thing. You couldn't believe it.

“I- I did the wrong thing. I shouldn't have entered your room. I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know what you wanted. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sir!” You started to get worked up again.

“Hey, hey, stop now.” You obeyed. “Oh, shit, sorry, I didn't mean to order you.” Your master made no sense.

He ran his hand down his face. “Ok, I think we’re going in circles here. You did nothing wrong, Y/N. I am so, so sorry I pulled a gun on you, I didn't mean to. You are welcome to come to my room any time. I want you to come to me if there's something wrong, ok?”

“Yes, sir.” You didn't really mean it, but you knew what response was expected of you. Why would you go to your master with your problems? But so that it wasn't a lie, you told yourself if something was incredibly wrong, you would go to him. Just nothing would ever be that bad.

“Let's get you back to bed, hey?” He pulled you to your feet and led you to your room. At your doorway, he hugged you to him and kissed your head. It was incredibly confusing but also made you feel all warm and tingly inside. “I'm sorry I scared you, sweetheart. Get some sleep,” he said.

He gently closed your door behind you.

You went and sat on your blanket on the floor, confused.

Eventually, you curled up and fell asleep again.

---

Dean couldn't believe he'd just pulled a gun on you. Fuck, fuck, fuck! You'd looked so terrified, and he was sure he'd just erased all progress he’d made with getting you to trust him.

He'd take treating you like a loyal puppy 500 times over treating you like a threat.

.

.

.

@malindacath

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@tiggytaylor

@ellie-andthemachine

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@nameslessismypricetowhateverend

@siospins2

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@kazsrm67

@leigh70

@ellie-andthemachine

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@lyarr24

@foxyjwls007

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@saiyanprincessswanie

[mikiemcsmitty]

Fictober Day 6

prompt: "I'm not giving up"

Fandom: Supernatural

Character: Dean Winchester, Ben Braeden

Rating: General

Summary:

Dean's POV: Dean tries his best to bond with Ben as he steps into the stepfather role (between seasons 5 and 6), but Ben isn't immediately receptive to his attempts now that he's older. Despite this Dean had his ways of making sure Ben warms up to him.

Being a stepfather didn’t come easy to Dean. It was an uphill battle, remembering how to be as caring and protective as he was for Sam when they were growing up, but now for a kid much younger than him, and who had only ever known a life with a single mom. Ben wasn’t as traditionally masculine as Dean had expected, but that didn’t matter to him as much as Ben seemed to think it did. Dean knew firsthand that strength had little to do with fitting into some mold and he had nothing but respect for the way Lisa raised Ben by herself. 

Dean was determined to make sure he could step up where he could. He definitely still saw bits of himself in Ben even though he had grown out of that leather jacket/80s rock/girl-crazy phase he was in when he was 8 years old the first time they met.

-----

Dean sat across from Ben at the kitchen table, tapping his fingers absently while looking at the math worksheet in front of them. Ben had been staring at the same problem for a while now. He had to ask Dean for help since his mom had left the two of them together while she went to the grocery store. 

“Look,” Dean said, “when I was your age, school wasn’t really my strong suit, so believe me, I get it.” He paused, unsure of how to be helpful with only the bare minimum math skills to pass the GED test.

Ben looked up at him, confused. “So… you’re saying you don’t know how to help me?”

Dean chuckled. “No, I’m saying we’ll figure it out together. You and me, one problem at a time. How about that?” 

Ben lets out a sigh knowing that this worksheet is probably gonna take them all night.

-----

Dean held a baseball in his hand, testing its weight before tossing it toward Ben. He was able to catch it, though not as smoothly as Dean would’ve liked.

“Good catch Bud!” Dean called. “Now, let’s see if you can throw it like a pro.”

Ben threw it back, but it was wide, and Dean had to jog to catch it.

“Not bad, but you gotta aim with your wrist, not your elbow,” Dean said as he returned to his spot. He tossed the ball underhanded, giving Ben another shot.

“Can’t we just call it a day?” Ben said 

“Alright fine,” Dean caves. “Let's head back in. But I am still planning on teaching you how to fix a car engine tomorrow. 

Ben turns around and rolls his eyes as he walks back into the house.

-----

“Hold the flashlight steady,” Dean told Ben as he worked on the Impala's engine. 

Ben sighed and adjusted the light awkwardly. 

“Now hold it down and to the right…” Dean instructed, narrowing his eyes at the engine. “No, that's the left.” 

Ben’s frustration built with each correction. He shifted the light again, but it was clear he wasn’t into it. Dean, sensing the growing tension, tried to stay patient, but it was getting tricky. 

“Alright, you know what... just hand me the flashlight,” Dean said with a sigh, still trying to keep things calm. “Why don't you go into my toolbox and see if you can find me a torque wrench?” 

“I don’t know what that is!” Ben snapped, his voice sharp with frustration. 

“That's okay–” 

“No, it’s not! I don’t know how this stuff works!” Ben threw the flashlight down, his face red as he stormed out of the garage before Dean could say anything else.

Dean wiped his hands on the oily towel, frowning at himself before heading inside to find Lisa. 

In the kitchen, Lisa was stirring something on the stove. “Did Ben come this way?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah, he went to his room,” she answered. “Why, what happened? Do I need to go talk to him?” 

Dean shook his head. “No, I got it… I think I need to apologize to him.”

Dean knocked softly on Ben’s door. “Hey, can I come in?” he asked gently. 

There was silence for a moment before Ben’s voice answered, quiet and uncertain. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Dean opened the door, stepping into the room. Ben was sitting on the bed with his arms crossed. Dean sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping his tone soft. 

“Look, I know I can be hard on you sometimes, but I need you to understand something,” Dean started, trying to find the right words. “I grew up with a dad who didn’t exactly give me much room to screw up. It was all about survival and learning things the hard way. And I guess I’ve brought some of that with me, even though I don’t mean to. I’m still figuring out this whole… dad thing.”

Ben looked down at his hands. “I’m not like you, Dean. You can fix cars or throw a baseball… I don’t know how to do any of that stuff.”

Dean sighed. “I know. And that’s okay. Your mom did an amazing job letting you grow into your own person, and I’m not here to change that one bit. I’m here to help you become you. The best version of you. Doesn’t matter if that means knowing how to work on cars or not.”

Ben glanced up, his voice soft. “But you… you’re so good at this stuff.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t get there overnight. You should’ve seen me when I started, it was a disaster,” Dean said with a smile. “You’ve got time, Ben. And hey, you don’t have to be into all the same stuff I am. That’s not what makes you strong, okay?”

Ben nodded, still quiet, but Dean could sense he had said the right things this time.

“Hey, buddy, I’m not giving up on you yet,” Dean said calmly as he ruffled Ben’s hair.

Ben smiled a little.

“Why don’t we head back to the garage and finish that engine? I promise I’ll be more patient this time.”

Ben hesitated, then nodded. “Okay… but I still don’t know what a torque wrench is.”

Dean laughed. “That’s alright. I’ll show you.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers West Coast #48: THIS ANCIENT EVIL

September, 1989

Captain America and She-Hulk have found the Scarlet Witch... Maybe not the smartest thing they ever did...

Still love cover text.

So Wanda just wears ooze now.

Interesting fashion choice.

Wasp will probably have something to say about it, though, if the West Coast Avengers ever rejoin the A-plot in their own book.

I know the allure of having two linked books so characters can cross over as needed but this is still Avengers West Coast, the Avengers book occurring on the West Coast. Since I guess there aren't separate teams anymore.

Last times on Avengers West Coast: all the governments disassembled Vision for trying to take over the world that one time. Hank Pym put him back together but now Vision's brain isn't the same. No emotions. None of the other Avengers seem to care so Scarlet Witch takes Vision to Absolom College which offered to help. 'TWAS A RUSE and Dean Random dumps a bunch of evil ooze on Wanda!

This time: a lot of worldbuilding exposition.

Yup, that's right. The backstory is so extensive it goes back to the formation of Earth.

But the take-away is, like I said, Byrne is doing Sublime before Sublime.

The longer of it is that the Earth cooled, there was big rain, cellular life started to form, and the very first cell undergoes mitosis EXCEPT ONE OF THE COPIES IS EEEEEEEVIL AND EATS THE OTHER.

AND FROM THEN ON EVERY LIFEFORM ON EARTH HAS HAD THE MARK OF EEEEEEVIL IN IT.

Except mutants. Remember how that's the whole thing? The evil ancient gene or whatever wants to assimilate mutants and needed one that was easy prey? And since Wanda is having an emotional crisis currently...

Hey. You can see her toes. And she noted last issue that the ooze was dissolving her cape. Is she only wearing ooze now?

Byrne, why?

Also, what the fuck is a classic mutant type? What does that mean? And the later retcon that Wanda isn't even a mutant just makes this funny. These guys aren't good at their job.

Apparently, aside from just zonking her mind, the ooze and the tube are trying to understand the mutant gene and also reconstructing Wanda's memory and dumping the big exposition dump right into her brain. She needs to know this stuff, I guess.

Lady bad guy estimates that the process will be done in 72 hours.

Meanwhile, Captain America and She-Hulk and only Captain America and She-Hulk fly a Quinjet to Absolom, Texas to check on that Quinjet distress signal they got.

I wonder where this crossover fits with what's happening in Avengers. Cap went right from his announcement that he now ruled all Avengers to that whole Lava Man thing. And they're going to go right from that Lava Man thing into another story arc, to try to get help for Gilgamesh. And that's going to be a number of issues.

Avengers West Coast has to be way ahead of the Avengers East Coast timeline right now.

But I'm wondering because why is it just Cap and She-Hulk? Was everyone else on vacation?

She-Hulk calls to advise the traffic controller that they're going to be landing at Absolom College. In a nice touch, the traffic controller hears that the Avengers are emergency landing at a university and asks if the police or military need to be contacted too. Because Avengers deal with all kinds of shit!

But Cap tells the traffic controller that it's Avengers' business.

A bad guy informs Dean Random that another Quinjet is approaching, to Random's consternation. He thought that Wanda had severed ties with the Avengers before coming.

(Really, all she did was steal a Quinjet and hide her destination. That's not quite severing ties.)

While the assimilation process on Wanda continues, Mr. Random goes to meet with the Avengers and see what the hell they want on his college.

When Cap tells Mr. Random that they're investigating a possibly crashed Quinjet, Random spins a story that is partially true and also bullshit.

He tells Cap that Scarlet Witch and Vision visited, that Wanda left Vision with the college, and then took off. And he hopes that nothing happened to her after she left! He then offers Cap and She-Hulk a visit with Vision who will surely corroborate the story.

Meanwhile, SPAAAAAACE.

Starfox is searching an ancient planet for Nebula. Even though the Avengers told him that Nebula fell into a time warp and was lost in time. Because a mercenary told Starfox he'd seen Nebula.

Yeah, so I was wondering at what point the Nebula Kang thing got retconned to not be Nebula and apparently the time is now.

Guess Byrne decided he had a better idea for her than where Simonson left her. AND TO BE FAIR.

Nebula Kang wasn't interesting enough that I can muster up annoyance that the story is being retconned.

Anyway, Starfox does find Nebula and Gunthar of her space mercenary crew.

Gunthar found some stone tablets for her which have formula on them that will help her become more powerful than Thanos ever was!

Is it the Anti-Life Equation?

Don't call attention to Thanos' pretty direct inspiration!

Over in another subplot, there's a lady named Ann Raymond at a homeless shelter in Denver who is delirious and keeps telling staff that she needs to get to Los Angeles. She's carrying a newspaper clipping with the headline "Avengers Confirm Vision is Not Torch" which seems to be making her distraught.

Um. Whyy did the Avengers announce that to the news media? For one thing, that's personal biz and I'm sure Wanda did not approve having it blasted to the press since she still thinks Professor Horton is a lying sack of shit.

The way the Avengers are handling the Vision situation makes them feel more inhuman than the emotionless robot man.

Anyway.

Meanwhile, Captain America and She-Hulk meet with Vision. They ask him where Wanda is but he has no idea. He can only report that according to Mr. Random, Wanda took off.

The evil bad guys who are full of evil ancient bacteria or whatever decide they need to accelerate shoving exposition into Wanda's brain, in case the heroes cause problems. Sure, it might break Wanda's brain but surely they have no other choice.

So more past times exposition flashbacks. Life continued to develop on Earth. There were forests. Also lizards. And then dinosaurs. Should stopped there, dinosaurs were great. But while there were dinosaurs, there was also mammals.

This will be important later.

Cap and She-Hulk finish their tour with Mr. Random and Cap has some questions.

Sure, the Absolom College of Robotics looks pretty impressive but it's nothing compared to the tech that the Avengers have. So why did Absolom think they'd be better at fixing Vision's noodle than the Avengers were?

Mr. Random handwaves it that Absolom's robotics experts are providing a different perspective on the problem but Cap is skeptical.

Captain America: "Still, you would agree it is a great shame that Wanda should feel the need to turn to strangers after we did all we could do."

Diiiiiiid you though?

The Wonder Man elephant is still in the room. An additional thing that they could try but nobody seems interested in it except Wanda and everyone else has seemingly washed their hands of the situation and decided Vision is Good Enough.

Mr. Random gets called off to attend to something (probably something Wanda related) and tells Cap and She-Hulk they can finish the tour.

Both of the heroes are actually pretty skeptical of the situation, this facility, and all these people.

The Absolom robotics facilities looks more like a set designer's idea of what an impressive robot factory would look like and less like the real thing.

But rather than confront the peeps now, Cap decides they'll finish the tour like they're not massively suspicious and then sneak back later at night to poke around.

Meanwhile, back at Seattle, the Avengers West Coast (minus US Agent who has never done any Avengers business with the Avengers at all so far despite ostensibly being in charge and Tigra who nobody has noticed hasn't shown up, sigh) interview Professor Horton.

Horton reiterates that Vision could not possibly be the (robot) Human Torch.

CLEARLY ANY NON IDIOT AND ALSO ROBOTICS EXPERT WOULD NOTICE THAT, HANK PYM.

For you see, the Human Torch was an artificial human and definitely not mechanical at all in any way shape or form. Just a human ass human except 100% synthetic parts. Meanwhile, Vision has robot bits.

I don't know whether this is true of the Human Torch or not. I don't know whether this is closing a plot hole since Vision has been shown having mechanical parts. But I do remember that several times people have said that Vision is a synthezoid, meaning an artificial man with synthetic parts. But Horton seems to be redefining synthezoid to mean a mix of artificial organs and machine parts.

We're pretty far into this subplot by now. Why are we still rehashing this part of it?

Is it because I keep yelling at the comic how much I hate this subplot?

Anyway, Hank Pym tells Horton that he went on a Fantastic Voyage through Vision and sees his point. Probably should have seen it sooner.

I think that Fantastic Voyage is the story that did the art fail of showing Vision as more roboticy than he's supposed to be. He's supposed to be basically a man but artificial.

Anyway, Hank also reflects that they believed all of Vision's backstory Human Torch stuff because of Immortus.

Hank Pym: "Obviously, the 'master of time' lied. Why?" Immortus, watching this conversation on the time-a-vision: "Oh, never without good reason, my dear Doctor Pym. Never without good reason."

Oh, boy, I sure hope that good reason is really good.

Immortus suggests that it's a really good reason, such a good reason that it's beyond the comprehension of people with dumb minds. Also, he has Plans involving Scarlet Witch.

Big ones.

So he's also watching her subplot on a different time-a-vision.

On a completely different floor.

Why did you organize like this?

I do like the room that is just sideways to the stairs. Immortus lives in an MC Esher painting.

Anyway, back at the Scarlet Witch ooze side of the plot, all the memories have been jammed into her brain and the bad guys breached the genetic barrier that kept them from possessing mutants.

Mr. Random: "The genetic barrier has been breached. Soon we shall be able to abandon the dead end street of humanity... And then homo sapiens will go the same way as did the dinosaurs before them!"

So we'd better dial E for Extinction.

This is just the Sublime stuff! Did Morrison just rip off Byrne? Why??

The evil bad guys put Ooze Wanda in a room so she can rest and contemplate.

Ooze Wanda: "Suddenly I feel very sure about everything. It's as if every doubt I've ever had in my life has been scrubbed away. I begin to understand now some of the things my father has said. Things he said in the days my brother, Pietro, and I were part of his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. In those days long before we even knew he was our father... When he was, to us, only Magneto, Master of Magnetism." "Then he spoke often of the superiority of mutants such as us. Homo superior, he called us. He said we were the future. Said that some day soon all the humans would bow down to us... Acknowledge us as their rightful masters! Now i see that he was right! More right than even he dared guess. Humankind has reached the end of its era of domination. They must be left behind, like the dinosaurs, like the lesser mammals. Left to die out. And only That Which Endures shall remain!"

Aw, dammit. Getting ooze radicalized her into mutant supremacy.

Don't do ooze, kids, not even once.

Later that evening, Captain America and She-Hulk sneak back onto the Absolom College grounds to get to the bottom of things.

While She-Hulk points out that she's not built for a stealth mission "being six foot seven and bright green", Cap impresses by acrobating all over the place and pointing out where the security sensors are so She-Hulk can avoid them.

The two break into Mr. Random's office and Mr. Random's unsecured passwordless computer and find that Scarlet Witch is being held in a sub-basement. In fact, in the building right across from Mr. Random's office window.

So She-Hulk has an idea how to expedite the journey.

Instead of slowly making their way through the building, dodging security, and trying to find their way into the sub-basement, She-Hulk just uses herself as a kinetic bomb to plow a straight line from the roof to the basement.

And Captain America follows the path she left by riding his shield. Since its unique properties absorb the impact of falling twenty stories.

In the sub-basement, Cap and She-Hulk find a fortified structure, which Cap likens to a blockhouse. Looking like it was built to contain something.

But She-Hulk is Hulk strong and Cap asks her to knock. The door down.

Except. She plows through a lot easier than she should have if it was fortified as it looks. It's a trap!

Ooze Wanda is waiting for them and with a gesture, she buries Cap and She-Hulk in rocks.

Well, buries is a strong word. She lightly flings the rubble at them and then they fall over unconscious despite it seeming like it should take more than that to knock out a (she-)hulk.

Ooze Wanda: "I have not been turned. I have, rather, been shown the truth. The great and ancient truth which has dwelled within all living things since the dawn of time! The truth you will come to share... once you, too, are properly assimilated!"

... I thought humans were already assimilated?

How does this thing work, anyway?

And where did Wanda's pupils go? She had them a few pages ago. Did she catch Youngblood's Disease between then and now?

Meanwhile, in Milwaukee, Hawkeye is training the Great Lakes Avengers and yelling at them for not being up to his standards. Despite him only being in charge for one day.

Maybe its tough love but saying "I have never seen a more useless bunch of misfits!" is a bit harsh considering he just barged into their lives and unilaterally decided he was in charge.

Mockingbird interrupts his yelling at them to tell Hawkeye she caught a Quinjet emergency signal on the Avengers waveband.

Hawkeye: "All riigghht!! This is the moment I've been waiting for! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! My former teammteas are in some kinda jam... an' we're gonna bail 'em out!"

Sooo. You go from yelling at them for not being up to Avengers standards to throwing them into the field for an unknown situation that may have endangered a professional Avengers team, all for a chance to show up his colleagues?

I'm starting to think Hawkeye is some kind of petty asshole sometimes.

Follow @essential-avengers for more deep insights like that. Like, reblog, and comment maybe.

[moonysbeloved]

Calling him Sammy - Sam Winchester x Reader

(WARNING - alcohol mention paired with weak tolerance and drunken shenanigans)

“Dean I’m not gonna say it he’ll get upset” you say to Dean, sitting in the motel room you’re sharing with the brothers. “He won’t care, he likes you y/n he would probably be happy that you call him Sammy!” Dean replies. You two have been arguing about this for days, he is convinced that his brother, Sam, likes you and you’re convinced that he does not. Sure you like him, and Dean knows this because he is a thieving bastard who went through your phone messages, but there’s no way he could like you back! “I don’t want to ruin our friendship or make things weird or make whatever bad thing that could happen, happen.” You say, and just as Deans about to make some comment back the door to the motel opens and in comes Sam. “Hey you two!” He says as he walks in with takeout. “Hey Sam!” You say, happy to see him, and to have that conversation over. Dean just nods and smiles, turning to glare at you for a moment. You guys eat the takeout and put on a movie. Later when you’re done, Dean says he’s gonna go to the bar and invites you two to come with him. “Sure! I mean if you want to” Sam says as he turns to you. “Yea, why not!” You say as you get up to get your bag ready.

You are 3 beers in and are getting tipsy already, meanwhile sam is still a fully functioning person sitting across from you. Dean is off who knows where most likely trying to get some chicks number. “You know what, fuck it” you say, starting to slur your words. Sam looks at you confused, and you continue, “Sammy, do you like me?” You ask as serious sounding as you can considering you sound like you’ve been drinking since morning. He smiles wide, “y/n I think you’ve drank too much” he says with a bit of laughter. You start getting confused and upset, “I have not! Dean said you liked me, do you?” You say, trying to sound serious again. He just looks down and then back up to you with the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen plastered to his face, “I do like you y/n, and I’m also gonna take you back to the motel because you called me Sammy and that is how I know you have definitely drank too much” he finishes the sentence with laughter as he gets up and comes over to your side of the table, handing you his hand. You take it and he pulls you up, “lets go find Dean and tell him we’ll meet him at the motel” he says as he walks you over to the counter.

The next morning you wake up with a pounding headache and a pit in your stomach. “Oh god what did I do last night” you groan as you pull yourself out of bed. Dean and Sam are already up which you don’t notice until all of the sudden Dean says “I can’t believe you actually called him Sammy!”. “What are you talking about?” You say confused as you sit at the table with the two of them. “You called me sammy and asked if I liked you last night” sam said to you, a little red in his cheeks. His red cheeks are nothing compared to yours however as you look shocked, “IM SO SORRY OH MY GOD” you say very loudly. Sam and Dean start laughing, “it’s ok y/n, I’m guessing you don’t remember what I said last night anyways” Sam says. You shake your head, looking panicked, bracing yourself for the im sorry I don’t feel the same way monologue, only to be met with a kiss. It was short, but you could feel the smile creeping onto his lips while yours were together. When he pulled away you were somehow even more red. “I don’t know why you would be so worried anyways, I mean that’s not the first time you called me Sammy you know” Sam said. “What do you mean?” You asked, “I don’t recall ever calling you that before..” you said. “Well, you kinda talk in your sleep..” Sam said with a wide smirk on his face. Dean burst out laughing once your face showed your reaction. “WHY DO YOU THINK I KNEW HED BE SO OK WITH IT!?” Dean said practically wheezing. You were shocked, “how often did I do it?” You ask. “Often.” Sam said plainly with a smile on his face. You looked horrified to say the least. “By the way, you’re allowed to call me Sammy” Sam started, “but only if I can call you my love” he finished with a smirk. You turned red and nodded, “sounds good with me, Sammy.” You said.