#“do you believe you could change me the way i changed you? i already did”

[sturniololuvz]

Can you do a fic where the sister gets into a bad fight with Matt and he never gets mad but he pushed her and yelled at her and ignored her for weeks and it broke her and Nick walked past her room one night and heard her sobbing while saying I miss Matty

okk

“I Miss Matty”

Matt Sturniolo x sister

Matt had never been the type to get truly angry—frustrated, sure, but never mad. Especially not at Y/N. Out of the three triplets, he was the most patient with her, the one who always defended her, the one who made sure she knew she was loved no matter what.

But that night was different.

That night, everything exploded.

It started with a stupid argument. Something small, something that shouldn’t have escalated, but it did. Y/N had been sneaking out—Matt found out. He wasn’t even yelling at first, just disappointed, and that alone was enough to make her defensive. She hated when they looked at her like that, like she was a kid who needed to be fixed.

“You don’t get to control me, Matt!” she snapped, arms crossed. “I’m not a baby!”

“I never said you were,” Matt said through gritted teeth. “But do you even know how dangerous it is? You think you’re invincible? What if something happened to you, Y/N?”

“I can take care of myself!”

“That’s not the point!”

The shouting continued, getting louder, more heated. Matt was always the calm one, but this time, he wasn’t letting it go. He wasn’t backing down. And when Y/N rolled her eyes and tried to push past him, something inside him snapped.

Before he could stop himself, Matt shoved her back—not hard, but enough to make her stumble.

And the second he did it, everything went silent.

Y/N stared at him in shock, her chest rising and falling. Matt had never put his hands on her like that before. He had never even yelled at her the way he just did. But the worst part? He didn’t apologize.

Instead, he scoffed. “You know what? Do whatever you want.”

Then he walked away, leaving her standing there, feeling like her whole world had just cracked open.

The Weeks That Followed

Matt didn’t talk to her after that. Not really. He’d acknowledge her when necessary, but there were no jokes, no teasing, no casual conversations. Just cold indifference.

And it broke her.

She thought maybe he’d cool down after a few days, but the days stretched into weeks, and nothing changed. Chris and Nick noticed, of course. They tried to fill in the gap, but it wasn’t the same.

Matt was her person. And now it felt like he wasn’t even there anymore.

The Night Nick Heard Her

It was late. The house was quiet. Nick had just gotten up to grab a drink when he passed by Y/N’s room. He hadn’t meant to stop, but something made him pause.

A sound.

Soft at first, but when he really listened, he could hear it—quiet, muffled sobs coming from inside.

His heart clenched. He had seen Y/N upset before, but this? This was different.

Then he heard her whisper something, her voice thick with tears.

“I miss Matty…”

Nick’s stomach dropped.

He didn’t hesitate before pushing open her door.

Y/N was curled up on her bed, her pillow soaked with tears, shoulders shaking. She looked up in surprise when she saw Nick, quickly wiping at her face.

“N-Nick, what are you—”

“Shut up,” he muttered, immediately sitting on the edge of her bed. “What’s going on with you?”

Y/N sniffled, looking away. “Nothing.”

Nick sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Y/N…”

She swallowed, gripping the blanket tightly. “He hates me.”

Nick’s chest ached. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“He hasn’t talked to me in weeks,” she whispered. “He won’t even look at me.” A fresh wave of tears spilled down her face. “I know I messed up, but—” her voice cracked—“he’s never treated me like this before. He’s never hated me before.”

Nick didn’t know what pissed him off more—the fact that Matt was still holding onto this, or the fact that Y/N genuinely believed Matt hated her.

“Stay here,” Nick said, standing up.

“Nick, don’t—”

But he was already out the door.

The Confrontation

Nick found Matt in the living room, scrolling on his phone like nothing was wrong.

“Hey,” Nick snapped.

Matt looked up. “What?”

“You need to fix this.”

Matt frowned. “Fix what?”

Nick clenched his jaw. “Y/N is in her room crying right now because she thinks you hate her.”

Matt stiffened.

“She misses you, dude,” Nick continued, his voice softer now. “And I know you miss her too. So what the hell are you doing?”

Matt looked down, suddenly unable to meet Nick’s gaze. He swallowed, his throat tight.

Nick sighed. “Look, I get it. She pissed you off. She made a mistake. But you pushing her away like this? That’s not you, man. You don’t shut her out. You are the one person she never has to worry about losing.”

Matt felt something in his chest crack.

He had been so caught up in his own anger, in proving a point, that he hadn’t realized how much he was hurting her.

Without another word, he got up and made his way to Y/N’s room.

The Apology

Y/N was still curled up in bed when her door creaked open. She assumed it was Nick coming back, but when she turned over, she froze.

It was Matt.

He didn’t say anything at first—just walked over and sat down beside her.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Then, in a voice so quiet it almost broke her, Matt whispered:

“I’m sorry.”

Y/N’s breath hitched.

Matt exhaled shakily. “I was mad, and I handled it wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed you, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, and I definitely shouldn’t have ignored you for this long.” He ran a hand down his face. “I don’t hate you, Y/N. I could never hate you.”

Her eyes welled up again, but this time, they weren’t just from sadness.

“I thought I lost you,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper.

Matt’s heart shattered.

Without thinking, he pulled her into a tight hug. “Never,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her head. “You’re my sister. You’re my Y/N. I’m so sorry for making you feel like you weren’t.”

Y/N clung to him, her tears soaking into his hoodie, but this time, she wasn’t crying because she was broken.

She was crying because she had Matty back.

[marscardigan]

family line, part vii

ellie williams x fem!reader

family line masterlist

summary: falling in love with ellie was easy. it was harder to hate her once you knew she was the one hunting your sister.

word count: 3.5k

warnings: this fic doesn’t follow the original plot of the last of us part ii. canon typical violence. no use of y/n.

The world felt distant.

Your body was heavy, your head throbbed, the steady pulse of pain syncing with the dull ringing in your ears. Every breath was shallow, slow, like your lungs had forgotten how to work properly.

It took effort just to open your eyes.

The theater’s dim lighting made everything look hazy. The room smelled like old wood, and dried blood.

Your sluggish gaze dragged to the figure sitting nearby. Ellie.

She was hunched over in a chair beside the couch, elbows on her knees, fingers threaded through her hair. The moment she saw you stir, she sat up straight, her breath catching.

"You’re awake," she whispered, like she didn’t quite believe it.

You didn’t respond.

She leaned forward slightly, like she wanted to move closer but didn’t know if she should. Her green eyes swept over you, scanning for any sign of pain.

"You—uh, you lost a lot of blood," she said, trying to keep her voice even. "But I stitched you up. I'm not as good as you, but—uhm, you should be okay."

Silence.

Ellie exhaled through her nose, rubbing the back of her neck. Her fingers were still stained red in places, dried and cracked against her skin.

"You need to eat."

She reached down, grabbing a can of food from the floor. When she opened it, the soft scrape of metal felt too loud in the quiet room.

She scooped up a small bite with a spoon and held it toward you.

Nothing.

Her hand hovered in the air, waiting.

"Come on," she tried again, her voice quieter. "Just a little."

You barely had the strength to shake your head, but you did. The smell made your stomach churn, and you could still taste the metallic flavour in your throat.

Ellie swallowed. She didn’t lower the spoon right away, like she was waiting for you to change your mind. But you didn't.

She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back as she sat there, staring at the ceiling.

"We can’t stay here," she said finally, voice tight. "Tommy and Dina already left. It’s just us."

Still, you said nothing, your lower lip trembling as you remember Dina's bloodied face.

Ellie shifted in her seat, restless. You could see the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers flexed against her jeans. Like she was holding something back.

"You’re gonna have to talk to me at some point," she muttered, not looking at you.

Your throat felt tight. You kept your gaze locked on the floor as if it was the only thing keeping you sane right now.

"Right. Okay." She stood up abruptly, pacing the length of the room before stopping at the doorway. For a moment, it seemed like she might leave. But she didn’t.

She just stood there, gripping the doorframe tightly.

"You saved my life," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I just—I don’t get it. Why would you do that?"

You shut your eyes, and Ellie didn’t push for an answer.

She just let the silence hang between you, before finally turning away.

When the door clicked shut behind her, you exhaled shakily, curling in on yourself as the weight of everything pressed down all over again.

Hours passed, and even if neither of you slept, you were still weak, and Ellie was restless, moving like she was running out of time. You didn't seem to react to anything, your head numb as you looked at your shaking fingers.

"We need to leave." Her voice cut through the silence. You barely proceeded the information.

She was already grabbing supplies, checking weapons, shoving things into her bag like it was her last day on earth. Like she was expecting someone to come through that door and finish what the world had started.

You didn’t move, and her jaw clenched. "I know you can hear me."

Still, you said nothing.

A heavy exhale, and then she crouched in front of you, green eyes searching your face. "You’re in no shape to walk, but we don’t have a choice." A beat of silence. "Can you stand?"

You swallowed, your throat raw.

You should shake your head. You should say something.

But you did neither.

Ellie’s expression twisted. Maybe she was angry. Maybe she just didn’t know what to do with you.

"Okay." She nodded once, "then I’ll carry you."

You barely had time to react before she was crouching, looping one of your arms over her shoulder, and hoisting you up. Your legs nearly buckled the second your feet touched the floor, but Ellie held you up, her grip firm but careful.

She was warm. Too warm. She felt like safety, and you hated that.

Ellie sighed, shifting your weight against her. "Let’s go."

The first few hours were unbearable.

Every step sent bolts of pain through your body. Ellie stayed close, letting you lean against her when you needed to, never saying anything about how slow you were moving.

She should've left you behind. It would've been so much easier. But she didn’t.

It wasn’t until the sun was beginning to set that Ellie stopped.

"Okay, so, we’re taking a break."

She helped you lower yourself onto a fallen log, dropping her bag to the ground. You watched as she pulled out a can of food, a water bottle, and a few crumpled ration bars. She opened one and held it out to you.

You didn’t take it.

Ellie’s fingers twitched, her voice tense. "You need to eat."

Nothing.

"You haven’t said a single goddamn word since you woke up, and now you’re not even eating? What, are you trying to die?"

You didn’t flinch, didn’t react.

Ellie exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over her face before crouching in front of you again. "Look. I know you’ve been through shit. I get it. But you need to eat something. Don't care if you don't even speak to me ever again, just want you to get better. Please."

Something in her voice made your chest ache.

She was trying, really hard. And you knew you weren't doing things easy for her, and she still hadn't left you.

You swallowed, your voice hoarse from not using it. "I’m not hungry."

Ellie froze. "Jesus. I was starting to think you fucking forgot how to talk."

You shifted uncomfortably.

She didn’t push you again. Just handed you the food and muttered, "Try." And so you did.

The sky was dark by the time you found the cabin.

It was small, tucked between the trees near a lake, long abandoned, but intact.

Ellie scouted ahead, checking for infected before calling you inside.

The second your legs gave out, she was there, easing you onto the old couch near the fireplace.

"We’ll stay here tonight," she murmured. "Maybe longer."

You didn’t argue. Ellie sighed, rubbing her face. "I’ll set up some traps outside. Get a fire going."

You barely heard her.

The theater was behind you. Abby was behind you. The scars, the wounds, the ghosts—they were all behind you.

But they still felt so close.

You curled into yourself on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around your legs as silent tears slipped down your cheeks. Muffled sniffles filled the quiet space, but then, you felt warmth. Two arms wrapped around you, pulling you close. When you didn't push her, she started pecking you small kisses on your back. You stopped crying moments later.

Abby’s breath was ragged by the time she reached the theater. She scanned the room, eyes darting from the old furniture to the bloodstained ground where she had left Ellie gasping for air.

Then, her gaze landed on it. Your Spider-Man comic.

It sat abandoned on a nearby chair, slightly bent at the corners, worn from the way you used to flip through it over and over again.

She swallowed, throat tight, as she reached for it with unsteady hands. The second she lifted the cover, something slipped out and fluttered to the ground.

A folded piece of paper.

Abby knew what it was before she even picked it up.

Her fingers trembled as she unfolded it, breath catching as her eyes scanned the words written in your familiar, messy handwriting.

Abby,

If you’re reading this, it means you came back, but I already left.

You don’t have to look after me anymore. You’re free now.

I will always be grateful for you; for your protection, your unconditional support, and the love you’ve given me for as long as I can remember. Thank you for shutting down my nightmares, for holding me until I stopped crying, for being my safe place when the world felt too cruel.

We’ve always been different—opposites, really. But no matter what, you’re my sister. You always will be. Our paths have been pulling us apart for a while now, and as much as it breaks my heart, I know we both have to move forward. You deserve to chase your dreams, your ambitions. And so do I.

Even if our lives take us in different directions, I know we’ll find each other again. One day, when we’re both okay.

I'm okay now. I’ll be okay. And I hope you will be too.

I love you so much.

—Bug

No. Abby’s vision blurred, the ink smudging as a single tear splashed onto the page. Then another. She sucked in a shaky breath, her fingers gripping the paper so tightly it crumpled in her grasp.

How could you say that? How could you accept this?

How could you be strong enough to walk away when she wasn’t?

She had spent her entire life making sure you were okay. She had promised to protect you, to keep you, and now… now, she was grasping at nothing.

The realization hit her in full force, a broken sob tore from her throat as her forehead was pressed against the crumpled letter as if it could somehow bring you back.

As her chest ached, she allowed herself to crumble.

The cabin smelled like pine and woodsmoke, warm and safe against the crisp autumn air outside. The morning light spilled through the window, catching the dust motes that floated lazily through the air. Outside, the lake stretched endlessly, its surface rippling with the gentle touch of the wind.

It was peaceful here. Safe.

And, for the first time in what felt like forever, home.

You stretched beneath the thick quilt, blinking against the golden sunlight as warmth pressed into your side. Ellie’s arm was draped over your waist, her breath soft against the nape of your neck. She always slept like this—like she was afraid you’d slip away if she didn’t hold you close.

You shifted slightly, feeling her stir behind you. A soft groan left her lips as she buried her face into your shoulder.

"Mm… too early," she muttered, voice thick with sleep.

You smiled, eyes fluttering shut again. "You say that every morning."

She hummed in response, pulling you impossibly closer. "And I’m always right."

You let yourself sink into the warmth of her, savoring the slow, quiet morning.

It hadn’t been easy to get here.

The first few weeks had been… rough. You barely spoke. Eating was a chore, sleep was filled with nightmares, and the weight of everything that had happened clung to you both like a second skin. But Ellie never pushed. She just stayed. Kept the fire going, made sure you ate at least something, and waited.

And then, one day, the silence cracked.

It was over something small. A comment about how she sucked at fishing. And then, a quiet laugh—your own. It had been a weak, broken thing, but Ellie had looked at you like you’d just given her the goddamn world.

And after that, things got easier.

Now, eight months later, you were here. In this tiny cabin by the lake, tangled up in Ellie’s arms like it was the only place you were ever meant to be.

You turned in her arms, facing her. Her hair was a mess, auburn locks sticking out in every direction, and her face was soft, relaxed in a way that made your heart ache. You reached up, brushing a few stray strands away from her freckled cheek.

Her eyes cracked open, sleepy and hazy, a slow smirk tugging at her lips. "S’not fair, waking me up just to stare at me."

You rolled your eyes. "You’re the one who came back to bed."

"Because it’s warm," she murmured, tucking her face into the crook of your neck. “And you’re here.”

Your chest ached in the best way. You knew it hadn't been easy for Ellie either. After all, you were Abby's sister, you shared blood with the one who ended Joel's life. And even if you didn't look alike, Ellie could sometimes see traces of Abby deep in your eyes. She tried to fight the image away, tell herself that it was you who was by her side, not her, but sometimes you do needed to give her some time. Because healing took time. And so did forgiveness.

You pressed a kiss to the top of her head, fingers tracing lazy patterns against the bare skin of her back. "You wanna go fishing today?" you asked.

Ellie groaned dramatically. "Ugh. Do we have to?"

"You need a shower, you kinda stink, baby."

That made her pause. Then, with a sigh, she nodded. You grinned, pressing another kiss against her hair before slipping out of bed.

Ellie groaned at the loss of warmth, but followed soon after, stretching her arms above her head before pulling on one of her flannels—yours, actually. She stole them all the time. But so did you.

The two of you fell into the rhythm of morning, moving around each other with practiced ease. Ellie stoked the fire while you grabbed your boots. She handed you a steaming mug of tea with a lopsided smile, and you swore it tasted better just because she made it.

The plan was simple: clean some clother by the lake, as Ellie tried to catch some fish. But, as always, Ellie had a way of turning even the most common tasks into something ridiculous.

You had just started washing some clothes in the metal basin outside when Ellie came up behind you, arms snaking around your waist as she rested her chin on your shoulder. "You know, we could just let the rain wash our clothes," she mused.

You snorted. "That’s disgusting."

"Survival, baby."

You flicked some water at her, making her yelp and jump back. "Alright, now you’ve done it."

Before you could react, Ellie scooped up a handful of water and flung it at you, soaking the front of your shirt.

"Ellie!"

She cackled, dodging as you swiped at her. “Now you look good.”

"Oh, you’re so dead."

You abandoned the laundry entirely, lunging at her. She tried to escape, but you were quicker, tackling her to the ground. She groaned dramatically as she hit the dirt, laughing breathlessly as you pinned her down.

"I surrender, I surrender!" she wheezed between chuckles, her hands coming up in a weak defense.

You squinted at her, pretending to consider it. Then, leaning down, you pressed a quick kiss to the tip of her nose before rolling off of her with a satisfied hum.

Ellie blinked, momentarily stunned. "That’s so unfair."

You smirked. "Tough luck, babe."

She groaned, dragging a hand down her face, but the smile tugging at her lips gave her away.

The lake shimmered under the afternoon sun, gentle ripples distorting its glassy surface as Ellie stood knee-deep in the water, her makeshift fishing spear gripped tightly in her hands. She was focused, brows furrowed, every muscle tense as she waited for the perfect moment.

You sat on the shore, leaning back on your palms, watching her with a fond smile. Ellie took everything so seriously—even catching a couple of fish for dinner had turned into some epic hunt in her mind.

Then—quick as lightning—she lunged forward, the spear slicing through the water. A second later, she yanked it back, grinning triumphantly as a decent-sized fish flailed at the end of it.

"Would ya look at that!" she called, holding it up for you to see. "Told you I’m a pro now."

You chuckled, shaking your head. "Baby, you literally missed the last four times."

"Yeah, but this time I didn’t," she shot back, wading back toward the shore. "Which makes me officially the greatest fisher in this whole damn lake."

You raised a brow. "I think the bears might have you beat."

Ellie plopped down next to you, dropping the fish into the bucket beside her before nudging your shoulder, pouting. "Shut up and be impressed."

You only hummed in response, your gaze drifting from her to your hand, where the silver band on your finger caught the sunlight.

The ring had been Ellie's discovery—something she’d found months ago while the two of you were scavenging through an old house. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a simple band, slightly worn, but the meaning it had was priceless.

She hadn’t even asked. Just got down on one knee right then and there, dirt on her jeans, a shit-eating grin on her face as she held it up to you.

'So,' she had said, 'you wanna be stuck with me forever or what?'

It was the easiest question you’d ever answered.

You twisted the ring absentmindedly, smiling softly.

Ellie noticed. "Whatcha lookin’ at?"

You lifted your hand, showing her the ring proudly.

Ellie’s lips quirked up. "Admiring my excellent taste?"

"Just thinking," you murmured, scooting closer, "that technically, I’m Mrs. Williams now."

Ellie blinked, her smirk faltering for half a second before her entire face lit up. "Holy shit."

You raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You just called yourself Mrs. Williams," she said, her voice laced with pure delight.

You rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. "Well… yeah. That is what happens when you get married."

Ellie practically tackled you, sending you both tumbling onto the grass as she hovered over you, her hands on either side of your face. "Say it again."

You snorted. "Ellie—"

"Say it again."

You bit your lip, pretending to think about it before whispering, "Mrs. Williams."

Ellie groaned dramatically, dropping her forehead against yours. "God, I love you."

You giggled, running your fingers through her damp hair. "Yeah, yeah. I know."

She pulled back just enough to look at you, green eyes soft and full of something that made your chest ache in the best way. "You are really stuck with me now," she murmured.

You brushed your nose against hers. "Wouldn’t want it any other way."

Ellie grinned before capturing your lips in a kiss, slow and sweet, the kind that made the rest of the world disappear.

Back inside, your wife stood at the small kitchen counter, sleeves rolled up as she attempted to prepare lunch.

"Told you I can cook," she said, carefully chopping up some carrots with a look of pure concentration plastered in her face.

You leaned against the doorway, watching with amused skepticism. "You burnt canned soup last week."

"That was one time."

You snorted but let her continue, stepping in only when she nearly cut her finger for the third time. "Okay, okay, move over before you lose a hand."

She huffed but let you take over, leaning against the counter as she watched. "Y’know, I think I like watching you cook more than actually doing it."

"Oh yeah?"

She grinned. "Yeah. It’s hot."

You flicked a piece of carrot at her. "Go set the table, you perv."

She laughed, dodging the attack, but did as she was told.

After dinner, the two of you settled on the couch, Ellie stretching out with her head in your lap as you absentmindedly ran your fingers through her hair. She hummed softly, eyes fluttering shut.

"Mm… this is nice," she murmured sleepily.

You smiled, brushing your thumb along her temple. "Yeah. It is."

Silence settled between you, warm and comfortable. Ellie shifted slightly, her arm draping over your waist as she nuzzled into you.

And just like that, whatever plans you had for the rest of the night faded away. The world outside could wait.

For now, it was just you and Ellie, wrapped up in the kind of peace neither of you ever thought you’d get to have.

a/n: did someone said... DOMESTIC ELLIE???? I did. It was me. I love her. Also, next chapter is kinda going to be the last one... I'm actually so sad bc i love this series with my heart, but I swear I'll give you an ending to remember :)

taglist !

@kaykeryyy @vahnilla @autisticintr0vert @leavemeinthewater @alexandra-001 @liasxeatt @urge-to @catrapplesauces @jhyoos @womenlover0 @sevyscoven @antobooh @brooks-lin @sleepingwasp @iamhellagae @moki-nat

[you-wanna-save-the-corn-nuts]

"Tai, you ate her face" Scene Analysis

Requested by @subaerial-dweller !! (50 follower special)

(Bit of a retelling of the scene + character and shot analysis, and how this incorporates into Van's previous + future motifs and arc.)

As the scene opens, the first thing we see is Natalie sitting out in the cold, and Tai leaning on a pole nearby. Natalie is staring dead at Jackie, clearly just...contemplating and processing what the fuck happened. Understandable. Something interesting to note is that at this point, Van isn't outside with them. In fact, it isn't until Tai starts screaming "What happened to Jackie!!" that Van opens the door to the cabin. Unclear on whether she was making her way outside anyways, but either way, it takes her a second to get outside. She immediately runs up to Tai, repeating "its okay, its okay-" which I think is important, because clearly, its not okay. Van most likely would have followed Tai outside but the fact that she didn't? Says a lot, because it means Van couldn't stand to look at Jackie's....remains, until she had to. But as we know with Van and her "medieval knight qualities" (I am never living that phrase down-) she's putting all of that aside because right now, Tai is the most important thing.

Interesting to note, when Van starts talking to Tai, for a second she's just overwhelmed and seems a little....mad almost.

like look at her face, girl is slightly annoyed, maybe a little firm

But she looks back at Tai and suddenly it clicks with her that oh, this isn't Tai freaking out at her. (You could even say this is a reaction to what her mother may have acted like while drunk...and then she realises this isn't like that.) And then there is a noticeable switch to just....concern. Tai is having possibly the only proportionate reaction to the situation, compared to most of the other Yellowjackets who seem incredibly dissociated. And that, to her, is likely weird, both because Van is very emotionally detached from the situation herself, and because nobody else is having that kind of reaction. Tai is genuinely lost with the situation and as we know, Van's reaction to that kind of thing is to start trying to get to the bottom of it. (Something we see a LOT of with other Tai)

Tai then comes back with a very frazzled "I wouldn't do that." which obviously, knowing how everyone reacts to Coach Scott, they seem to take a lot of offense towards. So Van obviously retaliates "What are you talking about? You were sitting right next to me!" which I think is likely a "Hey, Dude. You aren't better than us. Don't be the only disgusted one, you did the same." but also a check-in because again, why would Tai be reacting like this?

Tai goes to throw up, storming past Van, who just stands there. Because again, to her? This probably feels a little like Tai is being high and mighty about this (girl, where are you getting these "morals" from).

So Van ducks down next to Tai, and again, her face says...a lot here.

She's definitely a little baseline annoyed, but also seems to be bargaining. What is going on with Tai? She doesn't know. But again, as she sees Tai's panic, she flicks back over to confusion and concern. She wants to help Tai, of course. Anyone would. But this is also....horribly complicated. Van seems to be very set in her beliefs and while the whole show seems to be a testament to how morals can change, Van is quite firm in what she believes. (Unless, of course, someone she cares about like Tai, comes above it.) This situation is obviously one in which they all compromised their morals, and is a solid "point of no return" for the girls (Travis included).

This is also the point where Van starts to pull the pieces into place. She's realising that this may or may not tie into whatever's been going on with Tai's sleepwalking. But obviously, she wants to confirm that which follows up with her asking "You really don't remember?" which Tai never verbally answers but Van can already tell its written on her face. And then of course, the line of the whole scene comes in "Tai, you ate her face." Van's tone here really interests me because she is not putting it very lightly. There's a little hesitance but a lot of it reads to me as just....when you tell someone something that seems like it should be inherently obvious. She says it almost as if "Tai, look, its snowing." With a little more care in her words but there is definitely a tone of "C'mon, you know this, right?" (tho i kinda suck at reading tones irl so take this with a grain of salt)

I have said this in previous analysis, but to restate it, Van has a character trait of trust. Specifically, lack of trust. She doesn't trust Tai. Something we know is an intentional character trait because Liv has outright said that's how they perceived her and acted to show that in Van's characterisation. So for Van this isn't just, "Tai isn't taking my word for this." its also likely a "Tai doesn't trust me." Van's insecurity of not trusting people very likely manifested from being unable to trust her mother, likely due to her alcoholism. And another thing that basically everyone has said or learnt about trust, is that its a two way street. If Tai can't trust her then...what are the odds she can trust Tai? She loves Tai, and with any relationship you want your partner to trust you. And right now, Tai isn't, something that is likely shattering for Van, considering how much she puts Tai's needs above hers as her priority.

"You ate her face." These words trigger what seems to be the memories of the incident, paired with a flicker of some of the shots. Another interesting thing to note here, none of the parts Tai remembers include anything about the banquet. To the rest of the Yellowjackets, this was fun, almost. A huge meal that they hadn't had in months. But when Tai remembers this? Its nothing but the raw, horrible memories of committing literal fucking cannibalism. So obviously, like any one would upon realising they cannibalised their dead friend and don't remember it, Tai goes to throw up.

It can't really be shown in a photo, but Van doesn't get up immediately. She hangs back for a second, clearly just...processing what the fuck just happened. With the Van mindreading powers I totally have, I can guess tell you, that she's likely going over the situation. Tai's sleepwalking has evolved. She can seem fully awake and alive and just like her own Tai, and she wouldn't even know. How much of what she's seen in the past was this other Tai? Can she trust her? Can she help Tai? Can she save Tai? Van's bargaining with what this means for her, and what it means for them together. Which is definitely something we see tying into how Van acts when she knows other Tai is in control. She wants to help Tai, and make sure she's safe. Because again, she'd likely get possessed in Tai's place if she had the chance. It isn't until a few seconds later that Van gets up, places a hand on Tai's back as she screams, and the scene changes to the intro.

In summary, this scene tells us a lot about Van's character in a short amount of time. And a lot about how the other Yellowjacket's have taken this whole cannibalism deal. For Van, this whole situation ties a lot into both her fear of not being trusted (ironic for someone who refuses to trust herself) and her desire to protect Tai at all costs. Obviously, this changes their relationship significantly. But Tai promised her when they differed on the whole spiritual/psyche standpoint that they were okay. That whatever happened they were going through this, together. Something that was also backed up by the "I love you" scene in 02x01. Van's fully committed to Tai at this point, and for her, this is the beginning of her being set on saving her, no matter the cost for herself.

[somerandomcockroach]

Talking with myself about Brave Police J-Decker, 11 episodes so far, giving these series my congratulations since they managed to get a drip of tears from me and I love EVERY character there, it isn't logical for a cartoon Spoilers included

In the 2nd episode paparazzi asking Deckerd about what kind of women he likes and how his dream wedding might look. I literally fell off because. Is it some kind of mocking? First ai robot appearing and first questions are these? Yes for mass media it might be interesting "Oh look this is the dream wedding of the robot eheheh fun". He only recently went online what is wrong with this question, and let me precise do they mean with a human?

Deckerd got the build-team but they don't have emotions programmed. Because they don't trust Deckerd's program, they don't trust the kid. Oh well can't blame them for being afraid of a more new AI robots who technically operate on their own and might disobey their orders and a 4 or 6th grade kid as their boss pffht

Deckerd playing wrestle with robot of their neighbor: "He is so weak I could break him, I'll give in to him" Makes dramatic "AAaaa" and falls on the side DECKERD, I LOVE YOU AHAHAH

That's interesting. They gave build-team an AI only after they understood that it is harder to hack them if they don't resist with developed willpower. They wouldn't have allowed them to have AI too unless there was a chance of such situations.

Their AI was surprised by Yuta's kindness. They had the mind of "if can't make your job - useless" already sewed inside them. Or did they develop such thinking from the people in their basement? Because there literally only Yuta and two other men who treat them as machines with heart.

I am SHOCKED. I am SO shocked. This is the first time when I don't cringe from possible human x robot shipping even if not in a romantic way? But here? They fricking give the development to their mind and relationships. Mccrane, a pacifist, always hoping to the end and trying hard ways with more persistence. A Captain Seia Onoue, woman who doesn't allow the heart to get on her way. Mccrane acting more human-like compared to her and showing her other ways. WOW. Wow okay I look at you two I like this combo. Then? Dumpson, robot with a strong will and opinion, and Ayako, headstrong woman who doesn't believe in AI bullshit since these robots definitely just imitate emotions but don't have their opinions whatsoever. BAM look at Dumpson ahah. I look at you two too they make me giggle when they drum on each other's brains XDD And then Power Joe teeeeheheheh Kids looove him, no wonder, three bozos fighting over so that he would live with them. Yuta is just their Boss I suppose they don't find him as close friend as Deckerd did, but I'm happy they found the friends of their own

10-11 episodes.

Kagero is dead, even when his A.I. was changed to obey new owner, it didn't obey, because what was making this A.I. so strong were exactly memories with Shadowmaru. He wasn't a coward, but the person who mixed his brain with his is, and human's life is bigger compared to little data of his own Kagero managed to gain, so it isn't surprising human's side overpowered A.I. Shadowmaru wanted to die with Kagero, but Kagero, the little pieces of him remembering Shadowmaru, wanted him to live.

Kagero was built as Shadowmaru's shadow, prototype to develop Shadowmaru. All his memories are of him, his life literally has no meaning without Shadowmaru since that's like erasing your birth days itself. And Shadowmaru didn't want to leave him, he didn't listen to no one, he is pretty independent and even wanted to just die without fuel after he lost Kagero, let's specify killed him by his own hands. He doesn't have any strong connection with people, he has it only with his only friend. Kagero told him to live his life some more. Kagero, who was clenching to his memories since he learnt what is the meaning of life, by his own, no A.I. has a "value of your own life" data, only "humans' lives are vulnerable" data, and I'm sure Kagero would have had life so much bigger than just an attempt to keep the little pieces he have from being deleted. He told Shadowmaru to live his life a little more, to Shadowmaru, who wanted to just die because his only strong connection was with Kagero and I think he didn't learn how much he wanted to live the hard way Kagero did, but Kagero gave him an easy way to keep learning what it means. I wish they could get brain chip back and fix it, i wish they could, because now I'm sure even if they recreate everything, it will never be Kagero again, he is dead for Shadowmaru and I know Juuzou understands it better than anyone.

[lakesparkles]

I finally finished the first chapter - I'm calling it prologue - of my college AU Thanos Team fanfiction.

For now, I'll post it here under the cut:

Prologue

.

.

.

Gyeong-su is sure he can change Nam-gyu's life

—

(NOTE: the first thing I want to do is apologize about Nam-gyu because he’s an asshole in this chapter)

 The room was still dark and Nam-gyu wasn't sure why he’d woken up. He mumbled softly, trying to go back to sleep and failing... For some reason. His mind was too groggy to think of anything in that situation.

 Only after a few seconds did he realize his cell phone was ringing, the music irritating his hearing and immediately stressing him out.

 "What is it!?" He complained in a slurred voice, as if the device could answer him. At the same time, he slammed his hand against the cabinet next to his bed, where he remembered leaving his cell phone charging. He needed to wait for his eyes to get used to the light so he could read the name on the screen:

 "Mom," was all it said.

 So he ignored it, suddenly more alert. Why would she even...?

 No. He wouldn't even think about it. It was way too early for that.

 When the phone went silent again, Nam-gyu closed his eyes and rolled over in bed, covering his head so he could fall asleep faster. Fuck it, he still had a few hours of sleep left, he wasn't going to lose them because of something like that.

 Or, apparently, he was wrong.

 Not even three minutes had passed when his ears picked up another noise. This time, coming from the bedroom door. Three quick knocks and then:

 "Nam-gyu. Nam-gyu? Can I come in? I'm going in, okay?"

 No sooner said than done, his door was opened completely. Nam-gyu growled, removing the blanket and sitting on the bed:

"What the hell... What time is it?" He asked, still reluctant and barely able to open his eyes due to the sudden light.

 "Uh... 5:15 am?" Gyeong-su asked more than answered, walking towards his bed.

Without saying a word, Nam-gyu laid down for the second time. But of course his friend didn't accept that, pulling his arm and continuing: 

 "No, no way! You agreed to this yesterday!"

 "I didn't-"

 "Of course you did! It was last night, man! There's no way you don't remember, get up!"

 "Today's Sunday!"

 "That's exactly why!"

 "Fuck you!"

That didn't work and, when he realized, Gyeong-su had already pulled him out of bed and placed him standing next to himself. The little shit was now smiling proudly, his hands resting on his waist:

 "I programmed an entire map for our route today. You'll like it, believe me! Did you know there's a forest behind that pharmacy? The one right behind the-"

 Nam-gyu got tired of hearing it, going straight out of the room. At least this time, Gyeong-su got the message and shut up, just following him down the narrow hallway. It was the least he could do, considering he was dragging Nam-gyu for a "morning walk" (he had called it that, not Nam-gyu).

 He walked straight to the bathroom, pausing at the door for just a second. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a movement in front of him: it was almost imperceptible, but he was sure it was Se-mi entering her own room, slamming the door shut. This irritated him, to say the least. Nam-gyu took a step back, getting closer to his friend:

 "Why did this bitch come to live here if she doesn't even have an ounce of manners?"

 "Hey, it's not nice to call-"

 "Shut up. Have you even talked to her? Does she ever leave her room?"

 "I thought you'd think that was a good thing," Gyeong-su shrugged, "so you don't have to look at her face."

 "Clever," Nam-gyu gave a rare compliment, closing the door behind him. As he went to the bathroom and returned to his room to change, he kept thinking about Se-mi.

 He and Gyeong-su had rented the apartment two months ago, which meant that neither of them really got used to it yet. Nam-gyu had known the other for years, but he wouldn't describe him as a close friend. It just so happened that they both needed to share a rent, and even then, they realized that their money wouldn't be enough anyway.

 In order to avoid having to move into a tiny, one-room place, they sacrificed one of the bedrooms in their current apartment and tried their luck. He would never imagine that a woman would offer to split the cost of the bills, but Se-mi was apparently desperate.

 Maybe. Nam-gyu knew very little about her.

 They went to the same university, were close in age, and that was where his knowledge about the woman ended. Se-mi didn't talk much, staying locked in her room during the rare moments she was home. It didn't take a genius to guess that this would never work out. He was surprised she hadn't given up since the beginning of the two weeks she'd been there.

 Yeah.

 Nam-gyu shook his head to clear his thoughts. He didn't even care that much about the bitch in the first place. She was a total jerk, that's what.

 So he focused on the closet in front of him, choosing a random black T-shirt and pulling it over his head. Once he was dressed, he fixed his hair with his hands and tucked a few strands behind his ears.

 Then he crossed the hallway for good, heading for the kitchen. As if on autopilot, he opened the door of the fridge and picked up a bottle of whiskey. His throat was dry, but before he could unscrew the cap, the bottle was taken from his hands.

 "Hey!" He exclaimed.

 "No, no, no!' Gyeong-su held it up high so he couldn't reach it, even though the other was struggling beside him. He hadn't even noticed him approaching. "You made me promise not to let you drink it for breakfast!"

 "I never said that!"

 "Yes, you did. Nam-gyu, it was last night!"

 "If I don't remember, it's clearly not what I really wanted."

 "You were in a really bad state, man. Cold sweat and everything. You looked me in the eyes and said, 'I can't live like this anymore, Gyeong-su, you need to change my life,' and that's what we're going to start doing from today!" He told everything with dramatic gestures, which indicated that that wasn't really what had truly happened.

 For some reason unknown even to him, Nam-gyu gave up.

"I promise" Gyeong-su ran after him after putting away the whiskey and grabbing a bottle of water in its place. "I will change your life!"

For both their sakes, Nam-gyu kept his opinion to himself.

---

 "Oh wait, man, I forgot my watch!"

 "Can't you just go without it?" As soon as Nam-gyu finished his sentence, Gyeong-su had already run into the apartment once again.

 They hadn't even been out for 30 seconds.

 With a sigh, he leaned against the wall, taking advantage of the free time to light a cigarette and place it between his lips. His vision was a little blurry as he looked through the small window on the other side of the hallway. It was a simple view, just a tree branch moving with the wind. Maybe it was slightly colder outside.

 Whatever. His head hurt, it felt like it was about to explode.

 Had he really talked about all that with Gyeong-su last night?

 He tried his best to clear his memories, but all he remembered was the two of them sitting on the couch. It didn't seem like a serious conversation, his mouth even hurt from laughing so much at that time. Was Se-mi there? Somehow, she was there. Maybe to tell them to shut up. Or... Did she stay longer? Did she talk to both of them? No, it couldn't be. Se-mi had never acted like that before.

 He was probably making a funny face as he tried to remember. When he came back to reality, he realized that someone was staring at him.

 "What is it?" Nam-gyu asked, raising his chin, trying to look intimidating even though he wasn't very successful.

 The boy in front of him straightened his posture as if he’d been startled.

He never saw him there before. He was short and wore a navy blue sweater. If that wasn't enough, he had a kind of pathetic look, as if he was about to faint.

 Nam-gyu just took a drag on his cigarette, pretending to ignore him.

 "Eh..." The other man spoke in a low voice, however, after a few seconds. "Do you know where apartment 75 is?"

 "No," Nam-gyu replied with a small smile.

 "Do you live here? In the building, I mean. It's just that I'm new and I forgot..."

 "Did you forget where your own apartment is? Seriously?"

 "I've never been here in person, this is the first day I've..."

 With each passing second, Nam-gyu found it more amusing, without even trying to hide it. As soon as he pushed himself off the wall, he pointed to the number on the door right next to him: 75.

 "Have you thought about taking a vision test? " He asked the boy, still in a good mood.

 The other didn't share the same feeling, mumbling an apology under his breath and unlocking the apartment to go in. Why had he even apologized to him?

 Weird guy.

 He'd been distracted by that for so long that only then did he notice how Gyeong-su hadn't come back yet. Nam-gyu peeked inside his own dark apartment, part of him barely able to resist the urge to just run away and come back there only at night, when his friend already forgot all that nonsense.

 He regretted not having followed through with the plan as soon as Gyeong-su appeared in his sight, straightening the watch on his wrist and letting out an exclamation:

 "Hey, no, no!" He wasted no time in trying to take the cigarette from Nam-gyu's hand. "That counts too, you made me promise not to let you smoke in the morning as well!"

 Nam-gyu elbowed him lightly, making it clear how he didn't care. So much so that he soon changed the subject:

 "What took you so long? Were you chatting with the bitch?"

 Gyeong-su gave him a reprimanding look as soon as the two began walking down the hallway. With that alone, Nam-gyu knew he’d hit the nail on the head.

 "She’d just woken up," Gyeong-su admitted. "She wanted to know how the TV remote worked, can you believe it?"

 "So she talks to you," Nam-gyu raised his eyebrows, genuinely surprised and a little betrayed. Gyeong-su didn't say a word, just sighed. The two reached the top of the stairs at the end of the hallway, Nam-gyu taking the lead to go down two steps at a time. Now that he wasn't facing the other, it was easier to ignore the discomfort and finally ask:

 "I talked to her yesterday too, didn't I?"

 "You really don't remember anything?" Gyeong-su followed closely behind him, dragging his entire arm along the railing.

 "I remember some things," Nam-guy raised his chin, half telling the truth, half lying. "We laughed for a long time."

 "Yeah! Because of you, man!"

 "Oh yeah..?"

 The two finished the two flights of stairs, arriving at the first floor. Gyeong-su was distracted for a few seconds, checking if there was any new mail for their apartment and realizing that the mailbox was empty. Shrugging, he walked back to Nam-gyu's side so they could leave the building. "You told me a lot of things! Like that time a guy at the club almost got you fired because he mistook you for someone else."

 "I told Se-mi that!?" This time, he didn't even think to hide his shock. Gyeong-su found it all very funny. He put his hand in front of his mouth to laugh lightly.

 Wait.

 "You're making it all up! That's it, isn't it?" Nam-gyu started to get suspicious, hating how he felt slightly embarrassed now.

 "Of course not! All of this happened for real, you can ask Se-mi."

 Then Nam-gyu realized it was better to concentrate on his cigarette, walking quickly and straightening his hair once more. The actual best thing would be to stop thinking about it. Either way, he knew he wouldn't be able to remember everything. So who cared?

 He looked around, trying to distract himself. There were only trees, buildings and houses, nothing too impressive. The wind blew hard against the branches. It wasn't necessarily cold, but he was starting to regret not having put on a coat. Maybe he should go back and get one, it wasn't like he was that far from the apartment. And he always felt more comfortable when he wore long coats, in the first place. Not that he has any insecurities about his arms, of course. And he would never feel comfortable having a conversation like that with someone he barely knew, especially with... Her.

 God, he was really bad at that.

 Why couldn't he stop thinking about that bitch?

 He let out a loud groan, making Gyeong-su jump in fright:

 "What the fuck are we doing out here!?" He spoke louder than he should've, letting out all the frustrations he was feeling since he woke up.

 Gyeong-su stared at him at first, with his eyebrows raised and his eyes slightly wide. He received that same look countless times before, and Nam-gyu didn't appreciate it. He knew it was his friend's silent way of saying he was worried about him. As if Nam-gyu were just a lost puppy.

 "I already told you," Gyeong-su began, in that slow and serious tone, speaking as if Nam-gyu was too dumb to understand simple sentences. "You told us some stories and then out of nowhere you complained about how shitty your life is."

 "I didn't do that."

 "Nam-gyu! Same thing again? You did! You spent like two minutes straight just talking about how the lowest point was having to share an apartment with people like us. We were pissed! You belittled my work-"

 "Rightly so. What work?" Nam-gyu rolled his eyes.

 "Hey! And Se-mi too, especially her. You said that she only didn't have a decent life because she was a disgusting prostitute who wasn't even good enough to get clients to rent a small studio apartment."

 "Okay, I believe that part."

 Gyeong-su rolled his eyes, but smiled slightly:

 "Why are you like that with her? Only with her? Did she do something to you?"

 "Yes," no.

 "What?"

Nam-gyu didn't feel like answering, so he didn't.

---

Nam-gyu had no idea what he was expecting. He felt like an idiot once he realized that part of him almost wished Gyeong-su was right. That they would leave the apartment, walk around and something would suddenly change. He woke up with that weird weight on his chest, and that made it hard to concentrate on anything else. His head was also throbbing and he would occasionally sip from the bottle of water that Gyeong-su carried in the side pocket of his backpack. Both of those things, however, could easily be explained by the hangover. He was more used to waking up like that than not, that almost becoming his usual.

 But the weird feeling on his chest? That was rarer. Or at least it used to be. Until he moved to this apartment. However, once again, he was starting to get used to it.

 Shit. He shook his head and looked up. Then at Gyeong-su.

 "Look, look!" His friend skipped ahead of him and pointed down the ravine they were walking on at that moment. "You can see our building from here!'

  "Wow." Nam-gyu said sarcastically.

 Gyeong-su lowered his head, still smiling a little:

 "Can you at least pretend to be having a little fun? I'm feeling a little bad now."

 Nam-gyu opened his mouth, ready to give any answer that would make him shut up again. Why he didn't, was a mystery even to him. For a second, he sighed softly. Maybe it was because of the isolated environment, far from anyone else who could hear him. Maybe it was because, besides Gyeong-su, he had no one else to comment on that matter.

All he knew was that the words that came out of his mouth were:

 "My mother called me this morning."

 Gyeong-su's entire posture changed. He lowered his shoulders, becoming more serious despite grunting an "uhhhh", waving one of his hands in the air.

 As Nam-gyu already said, he and Gyeong-su had never been very close. They barely knew about each other's personal tastes or how they lived before that shared house. All Nam-gyu knew about his new friend was about the stupid games he played live for a bunch of idiots who donated money to him. And all Gyeong-su knew about him, apparently, was about his mother.

 "What the hell, man," He tried to comfort Nam-gyu, placing his free hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it...?"

 "With you? Obviously not!" Then Nam-gyu returned to his normal behavior, rolling his eyes. He was almost offended that the other even considered that possibility.

 To keep the uncomfortable conversation from going on, he started walking again. The entire path in front of him consisted of the same thing: trees. He only knew where to go because of the thin, straight path beneath his feet, probably formed by the amount of people who preferred to take shortcuts there rather than walk through the buildings and convenience stores.

 The sun escaped through the yellow leaves, and now it was less cold, fortunately. He felt slightly more at ease, until Gyeong-su took the lead with quick steps and went back to narrating everything he saw, pointing out every useless detail like a tour guide.

 Nam-gyu raised his eyebrows, pleased that the other ignored the previous subject so easily.

 "I'm just waiting for the moment when you 'change my life'" Nam-gyu let himself laugh a little at the situation.

 "Calm down," The other said with a confidence disproportionate to reality. "You need to be a little more patient."

(NOTE: This chapter was basically nothing, this is why I'm calling it "prologue". It'll only make more sense once there are more chapters, the sole reason for all these scenes was to introduce Nam-gyu's life. And because I think it's funny to note how grumpy and different he is when he's with anybody else other than Thanos)

[bm571158]

Free Now LN4 (Part 38)

"Well?!" Flo demanded the second Lando answered the phone. "How did it go?"

"How did what go?" He asked.

"Don't play dumb with me, how did it go with Lottie?"

"How did you know I was there?" He asked, confused.

"Well, mum said you were coming over to go to McLaren so I took a guess, and now you've just told me that you were there. So come on, tell me!" Flo demanded.

"Lottie didn't call you?" He asked.

"No." Flo told him. "I was going to call her, but you're my brother and it's way easier to interrogate you. Now, tell me."

The way Lando sighed into the phone was enough of an answer for Flo to know that it hadn't gone the way that he had expected it to. "Oh...." She mumbled.

"She uh... she's better, she's happy." He sighed, as if that somehow made what he was feeling less painful. He supposed in a way it did. Seeing her happy, knowing that she had the chance to get back to doing what she loved and finally something to look forward to was great, but it hadn't made it any easier walking back out of her house and getting in his car to drive away.

"I'm sorry, Lando." Flo said quietly. "I never should've suggested you go there, I really thought that she'd change her mind and it would all be fine... shit.... Are you alright?"

"No." He admitted. "But I'm about five minutes away from MTC so I haven't really got time to worry about it right now I guess."

"Why don't you come here tonight, rather than going back to Monaco?" Flo suggested. She hated the idea that he was going to fly back to Monaco to sit alone in that apartment and be miserable on his own.

"It's alright." He reassured her. "I need to get back. I've got stuff I need to sort before Zandvoort. I'll be okay it's just... well, it sucks."

"I'm so sorry Lando, I really thought all she needed was to see you again and she'd realise that she's being stupid. What did she say?"

"It's fine Flo, really." Lando brushed her off, he didn't want to get into the details of what had been said with his sister. "I need to go now, I'm at MTC and I'm already running late." It was a lie, he was actually early and still fifteen minutes away but he just wanted to get out of the conversation.

"Okay, call me later?" Flo suggested. "And if you change your mind and want to come and stay then the offer is still open, okay?"

"Okay." He agreed quietly, ending the call. He had no intention of going to Flo's no matter how many times she suggested it. He just wanted to be on his own where he could think and digest what Lottie had said to him.

He was still sat in his car staring into space thinking about it when Oscar had arrived at MTC, tapping on the car window and making Lando jump.

"You alright mate?" Oscar asked him as he scrambled out of the car, realising he'd now only got a couple of minutes before he was supposed to be somewhere. "You looked like you were miles away."

"I uh... yeah. I've got a lot on my mind I guess." Lando mumbled, shutting the car door behind him.

"I know it's none of my business..." Oscar said hesitantly, and Lando looked up at him in surprise. His teammate was quiet, never stuck his nose into anyone else's business, he always had been. "But you and Lottie... there's so many rumours going around online and I haven't seen her for a few races now. Is everything okay?"

Lando hesitated, halfway tempted to just lie to Oscar and tell him it was all fine. He knew Oscar wouldn't believe him, but he was probably too polite to call him out on it and it might put an end to the conversation. Lando knew what Oscar was referring to, the second he'd shown up in Spain without Lottie beside him the rumour mill had well and truly started turning.

"You shouldn't believe what you see on the internet." Lando muttered. If you believed what the gossip sites and TikTok were saying he'd cheated on Lottie, she'd cheated on him, he'd proposed and she'd said no... the variations on the story were endless. Not a single one of them was correct, but obviously the people on the internet weren't worried about how factual it was, it was great reading.

"I don't." Oscar shrugged. "But there's no smoke without fire usually, and you're not telling me nothings going on."

"It's... it's complicated." Lando sighed. "But yeah, we're... we're not together anymore."

"I'm sorry mate." Oscar gave him a sympathetic smile, patting him on the shoulder. "That's rough."

"Ironically, a lot of the problem was all these gossip sites and people with cameras who are now having a great time speculating about what happened." Lando commented dryly.

"Ah.." Oscar gave him a knowing look, after all they'd all been there. "I really am sorry, she seemed like such a nice girl."

"Yeah." Lando sighed. "Me too."

Thankfully, Oscar seemed to have decided that his one brief venture into Lando's personal life was more than enough for the for a lifetime and hadn't brought it up again. Instead he'd gone a little over the top doing everything he could to keep the conversation away from that particular topic, changing the topic of conversation not so subtly any time anyone came remotely close to mentioning it and Lando had never been more grateful.

He'd said goodbye to Oscar and the team as quickly as he could at the end of the day, heading back to the airport to go back to Monaco, but not without checking his phone one more time on the off chance that Lottie might have called him. She hadn't, of course, she'd been very clear with him when he'd left hers that he shouldn't hang around waiting for her to call, but the hope that she might was definitely still there.

It wasn't until he was back in his apartment in Monaco, haphazardly shoving the clothes he needed to take to Zandvoort with him into a suitcase, that he really started to digest what she'd said to him.

None of it was anything that he could even try and argue with, and it was clear that she'd put as much thought into whether or not she could be with him as he had put into trying to persuade her to come back. It wasn't some impulsive decision that she had made as a result of what had happened in Monaco, it was clearly something that had been bubbling away underneath the surface for quite a while and that had just been the final straw.

He couldn't say he blamed her either, for not wanting to live her life in the media spotlight. He hated it too, missed the days of being able to go out and have fun without worrying about people recording him and it ending up on the internet. He didn't have a choice, just had to accept it and get on with it, but Lottie did have a choice. She could get away from it... it just meant that she had to get away from him.

So as much as it broke his heart and he wanted to plead with her to change her mind, he understood her reasoning. It just didn't make it any easier to accept.

He was still mulling it over in his mind as he arrived in Zandvoort. It wasn't his favourite race, the win there last year and his decision to throw out a 'simply lovely' in the heat of the moment after the race had been the beginning of a level of hatred on the internet that had been like nothing he'd ever experienced before. The seemingly innocuous comment that had slipped out of his mouth in the heat of the moment being taken as something it wasn't.

He'd had to delete all his social media off his phone for weeks after that race. The comments and posts were so vile that he hadn't been able to bring himself to even pretend he wasn't bothered. He'd gone back home to his parents to spend some time with them in the hope that might offer a distraction, anything to stop him from thinking about what people were saying.

As he walked back into the paddock in Zandvoort, a year later, the same uneasy feeling settled over him. It was Max's home race, of course everyone was rooting for him to win. It made sense that if hadn't been popular with the home crowd that Lando had won, it made sense that they'd started booing him as he went past on the track this year.

It all made sense, and yet he couldn't quell the horrible feeling of anxiety that came with it.

The pressure was on for this weekend. He had the lead in the championship but a reasonable, but not comfortable, margin. It was effectively his to lose now, and that was a terrifying prospect. Then there was the pressure of returning to a track that he'd absolutely dominated at the previous year, winning by a huge margin, and people were going to expect the same this year. He could hear them now if he didn't win, saying that last year had just been a fluke- luck not talent they'd say.

He'd worked himself up into such a frenzy about it that he was pacing up and down in his drivers room ahead of his media commitments, unable to sit still with all the nervous energy coursing through his body. If he had time he probably would've gone for a run around the track, he needed some kind of distraction and way to clear his head.

The interviews went along the lines he was expecting, and he repeated the answers that he'd become very well rehearsed in giving when it came to the inevitable questions about the championship and his rivalry with Max. They were the diplomatic answers that had been very carefully though out by the McLaren PR team, the ones that had been recycled so often by this point he knew them by heart. He wasn't even sure why journalists kept asking the question really. Had they not figured out that they only ever got the same answer from him?

He'd muddled his way through, tripping over his words a few times when someone had asked him a slightly more unexpected question, but he'd recovered quickly enough that hopefully no one would think anything of it. Certainly no one from the team had said anything. Then before he knew it, the day was over and he was in the car on the way back to the hotel, ready to spend another night alone with his thoughts and absolutely no distractions.

Lottie meanwhile, had been watching the tv coverage as she always did. While no one at the track may have picked up on his rather erratic mood, she spotted within the first two minutes of the interview she was watching that something was wrong. That frown line on his forehead was back, the way he was fidgeting around in front of the camera completely unable to stand still, the way his fingers kept finding their way to his neck to fiddle with his necklace and the way he kept adjusting his cap on his head every time he spoke... it was nothing like the calm and collected interviews she'd watched him give as of late. She just couldn't put her finger on why.

She'd dialled his number before her brain really had the chance to catch up with her actions, and in the split second of indecision that she'd had about whether or not she should quickly hang up he'd then answered and taken away her opportunity to back out. She wasn't sure if their new found agreement to be friends really extended to her calling him up like this to check in on him, but she supposed she was about to find out.

"Lottie?" He sounded puzzled as he answered. "What are you doing? Is everything okay? Are you okay?"

"I was actually calling to ask you that." She told him sheepishly. "Sorry, I shouldn't have called. I don't know what I was thinking really, I just..."

"You just what?" He asked.

"I was just watching your interview on tv and you looked like you could use someone to talk to." She said softly. "Are you okay?"

"Was the interview that bad?" He groaned. "No one here said anything."

"No, it wasn't." Lottie reassured him. "But I know you well enough to know when something is wrong, so tell me."

"It'll be okay, I'm just a bit nervous. It's Max's home crowd, they're never that pleased when someone else does well... I think I just feel a bit funny after all that last year." He mumbled. "It'll be fine, I'll be fine."

"I think the first step would be for you to stop pacing up and down the hotel room." She suggested.

He stopped mid step, looking around in confusion. "How did you..."

"I can't see you." She laughed, because she could just picture the confused look on his face as he tried to work out how she knew. "But I know you well enough to know exactly what you do when you're stressed. I'm not wrong, am I?"

"No." He admitted. "You're not."

"So, stop pacing. Go and take a nice warm shower, order yourself some dinner. Play something online with Max for a bit and then get some sleep. You'll be absolutely fine tomorrow, I know you will. I'll be cheering for you, even if some of the crowd aren't."

"Thank you." He whispered. "I've really missed your pep talks. I wish you were here. It was all so much better when you were here."

"Lando." She sighed into the phone. "Come on, let's not do this again. Especially not when you've got a race to think about."

"I know, I know." He agreed unhappily. "I just miss you. Being friends is great, but it at the same time it's really, really shit."

"I'm sorry Lando. It's the best I can do at the moment." She told him quietly. "I miss you too, but I need to do what's right for me. I'm always here though, if you need me. You can call me and I'll talk some sense into you any time."

"Maybe you could come to Abu Dhabi with Flo?" He suggested. "It'll be the end of the season. You can talk some sense into me in person then."

"You'll be world champion by then, you won't need me to talk some sense into you." She reassured him.

"Please?" He asked again. "It would be so good to have you there." Abu Dhabi was an age away, but it would give him something to look forward to at least.

"Let's see how things go." Lottie suggests, not wanting to commit but also not wanting to upset him by saying no. "I've got to go now, but you'll be fine tomorrow. I promise. Good luck, Lando."

She'd been right of course, she always was. She'd watched on with fond smile at the tv screen as he'd come home to win the race on Sunday. Not quite by the same landslide margin that he had done the year before, but a win was a win worthless. She quickly fired off a message to him to congratulate him and tell him to enjoy the celebrations.

She stared at the tv screen with a wistful smile as she watched him take to the podium, the proud look on his face as the anthem was played. She tried again to remind herself that she was doing the right thing, for both of them, but as she watched on all she could really think about was how much she wished she was there with him.

The problem was, it came and went in waves. One minute she was convincing herself that she was wrong, that she was denying herself a chance at happiness with someone she really, truly loved because she'd let the opinion of a load of strangers on the internet get in her head. The next minute though she would remember how it had made her feel watching her life and appearance get torn to shreds on the internet for other people's entertainment. She would remember what it felt like to not be able to walk down the street without having a dozen cameras pointed at her, the suffocating feeling of not ever being able to go anywhere and just relax.

It was a coin toss- the two things she so desperately wanted seemingly impossible to have at the same time. She could be with the man that she loved, or she could have her privacy and live her life away from the media to  keep her sanity in tact. The two seemed to be mutually exclusive, no matter how hard she had tried to look for a middle ground. So no, as much as she wanted to be there and be the one that he came running to when he got off that podium and was ready to celebrate, she couldn't be that person for him, as much as she wished that she was.

[luluthespectator]

Rough beginning

I finally finished the continuation of A New Era. It took time but I believe in “quality over quantity”. I’m tagging someone who wanted to see this @jay--o. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it.

After the celebration, when the aliens went back in their respective sectors, The Pillars stepped in the ship. The corridors were large enough to fit all three of them in the same line.

However, Scozar quickly slithered in front of the group, taking its lead while exploring. It didn’t bother the two others. Maena looked around the place, her eyes expertly scanning the ship, giving her all the information she needed.

The corridors were pristine, it had a white immaculate look. The look a ship has right after its construction. She would probably be one of the first pilots to fly it outside of the atmosphere.

The Primavix walked slowly behind them. They kept their hands together but didn’t seem to pay any attention to their surroundings. Perhaps, they were, but with only a sphere for a head, the others couldn’t tell their expression.

The Pillars were all quiet when they entered the pilot’s room. However, The Human started to smile and her expression brightened. She ran over to the pilot’s chair, ignoring the aggressive look Scozar gave her when she passed by him.

She let herself collapse on the chair, laughing to herself. She opened some holographic screens before feeling the ominous presence of a shadow above her. She didn’t need to look up from the holograms to know it was Scozar. She could feel vibrations in her whole body however the translation device on her ear told her exactly what was “said”:

-Who allowed you to do that?

Her brows furrowed. She opened her mouth but no sound came. She thought for a few seconds, looking through a few settings, before answering perplexed:

-Well, I’m going to be the pilot, so I kind of need to understand how the ship operates, to change some settings, just get used to it.

-Don’t you understand where you stand?

This question confused her even more. What did he mean by that? Did he want to know if she knew she was standing on a chair? Or did he want to ask where she stood in a hierarchy point of view?

-Where I stand?

Scozar half-closed his eyes, harbouring some kind of smug expression. He put his sun-themed spear in his other hand, closer to Maena. She could make out the details on it. 

Strange lines were carved in the orange metal holding a black blade. Some of those lines morphed into additional spikes near the already sharp blade. He seemed somewhat proud to brandish it. It reflected in his words.

-I was chosen to be your leader.

-I’ve never heard that. 

Upon hearing it, he glared at Maena. His eyes were almost closed but she could still feel his gaze. What was he feeling? He was either angry or looking down on her. Who was she kidding? Of course he was looking down on her. She continued, less confident than she wanted:

-I thought we were supposed to make decisions together.

-Don’t you know why they made me come here?

She stopped fiddling with the settings for a moment and thought about what she had learned about his species, tapping her nails on the desk.

-Well, from as far as I understand, they put you here to keep some kind of truce going.

-Indeed. Do you see the implication now?

She didn’t like where this was going. 

-The implication? By implication, you mean that if I bruise your ego, you’re going to bring your people to a war?

-Well, if it is easier for you to understand Human, it is indeed what could happen.

She stood up from her chair. Even then, she wasn’t taller than his shoulder. She turned her head towards The Primavix, perhaps they knew how to handle a situation like this.

She didn’t find anything comforting in the black sphere of their head. She saw only a distorted reflection of the room, her and Scozar being strange shapes in the background. She looked back at The Kerox, she needed to find a way to get out of this argument.

He was bluffing was he? Keroxes are known for strategy, it’s not very strategic to go to war for that. They would go down in history as a petty species. She put on her poker face and asked with too much disdain for something meant to be diplomatic.

-Isn’t that selfish?

-Do you want it to become true?

She crossed her arms and stared right in Scozar’s eyes. His pupils were that of a cat during the day. She gauged him. Was he bluffing? It was difficult to tell, the rest of his scaly body didn’t move. She sighed.

-No.

-Well.

For a moment, she was taken aback. She looked back at The Primavix. They just stood there, quiet, unmoving, a statue of a saint of some kind. They would give her no help from as far as she could tell. 

She looks up to the Kerox again. A feeling in her gut warned her that this was only the beginning of his intimidation attempts. She wanted to put a stop to it, but she didn’t know if he was kidding or not. This conversation left a bad taste in her mouth. It was safer to give him a win for the moment.

-So do I continue…or?

-No. We have the rest of the ship to look at.

-Right…

———

They walked across the corridors in a tense silence. They ended up in a large room. One side was filled with places to sit down, pillows, carpets, a few tables with chairs and large flat rocks. On the other side, metallic instruments were installed on a counter.

Scozar’s deep growls filled the room. He seemed rather suspicious of what was on the counter, passing his spear in his clawed hand closer to it.

-What are those instruments?

Maena answered without thinking:

-Cooking.

Scozar looked at her, eyes half-shut. This time, his indigo feathers on his spine rose up slightly. She wondered if she made a mistake. Just to be sure, she tried to make her expression as neutral as possible. The Kerox asked:

-What is that?

She didn’t understand what kind of problem she dumbly ran into. She turned her head to an unmoving Primavix. Why was she looking for support in them? She decided to repeat:

-Cooking. They’re used for cooking food. We put food in those and then we eat.

-You need all of that just to eat? Pathetic.

It wasn’t the first time she heard that question from an alien. She usually didn’t really mind. But Scozar’s condescending remark got under her skin. She let out under her breath:

-Bet you eat like an animal.

-What did you say?

-Nothing.

-That’s what I thought.

Her anger made her make yet another mistake. Deviating the conversation was the best strategy she could think of. She turned towards The Primavix and asked:

-Either way, what do you think? Does it look cosy to you?

-We have yet to settle on an answer, Human.

-Alri-

Scozar interrupted Maena with a more assertive roar:

-I claim the headlands.

Maena looked around looking for places above them. What was even a headland? She had trouble picturing a headland in her head. She imagined something more natural. Her gaze went to the only natural things in the room.

-You mean…the rocks?

-If it is easier for you to understand, yes.

-Sure.

Scozar’s back bent over, his straight posture was gone, like something in his spine had snapped. He was now arched, almost on four legs but not quite yet. He seemed to put all his weight on his sun-themed spear and two bottom legs. This time, a more satisfied and quiet grumble passed through the air.

-Humans do learn fast.

She was about to tell him that it wasn’t out of respect but because she wasn’t interested in sitting on rocks. For the wellbeing of the mission, she decided to keep her mouth shut.

Instead, she used this window of opportunity to ask:

-If it’s okay with everyone, we should check the reactor core. Just to see if it doesn’t have any defects.

At that demand, Scozar got back to his straight posture like nothing happened. His gaze pierced through Maena.

-Are you giving orders?

-There’s a reason I said “If it’s okay with everyone”.

-We will check it last.

She put her hands on her hip and looked Scozar right in the eyes. She sighed, between anger and defeat: 

-Thanks. I really appreciate it.

-You learn fast, but you should change your tone.

She was at two fingers to blurt out a sarcastic “Yes, your majesty.”. But again, she didn’t know how The Kerox would take it. She didn’t want to be stuck on having to say that for the rest of the mission.

She was also desperate to hear The Primavix talk more. She needed to have an idea of how much support she could get from them.

———

Scozar was adamant on exploring the darker corridors, Maena was definitely not and The Primavix just followed. She pestered at the idea of having places without any type of lights. 

Scozar’s eyes and teeth glowed, this made her even more paranoid. It was not what she wanted to see. At some point, she couldn’t see a thing and decided to retreat to the border between light and utter darkness. Scozar of course had to say something about it.

-I guess humans’ inability to see in the dark is getting in your way. What if I make you come with me either way?

-Then I’ll bump into things.

-I’d love to see it. Especially when you won’t be able to do the same.

That’s when The Primavix stepped between them, they took their time but now they moved. It was enough to get the two to pay attention to them.

-We believe it is unnecessary to bring The Human. Our goal and your goal is exploration. If The Human cannot explore, then it is useless.

Somehow, this made The Kerox think. He pondered, his eyes fixed on Maena. She hated the vision of just two floating eyes and teeth, pointed menacingly towards her. But she kept her expression neutral despite the goosebumps.

She tried to focus on how glad she was to have The Primavix by her side at that moment. She could probably count on them when it truly mattered. The Kerox finally hissed:

-Fine. She can stay there.

She didn’t want to be standing there doing nothing. Could she push her luck though? She could certainly try.

-Since we’re going on separate ways, I could check on the reactor co-

-No. When we’ll come back, you will be at the same spot. Unless, you truly want to come with us?

-Alright. I’ll stay right here. Dang!

She regretted not having taken a flashlight with her. She would have “accidentally” put it in The Kerox’s face. For a lack of better things to do, she sat down, covered herself with her coat like a blanket, and wrote down a few things on her holographic notes.

———

After an agonisingly long time in the shadows, Scozar and The Primavix came back from the depths of darkness. She heard them before she saw Scozar’s terrifyingly ugly glowing features. There was, of course, the stomping of feet but it was accompanied by a faint ticking sound.

When she saw Scozar’s face rising up at the end of the corridor, she decided it was wiser to keep a flashlight at all times in the future. She got up and focused instead on the strange sound. That’s when Scozar decided to growl:

-You are a very obedient human.

-I got bored out of my mind.

-This doesn’t mean we’ll see the reactor core faster.

-That’s good to know I suppose.

Scozar passed by her, shooting her a smug stare. She crossed her arms and walked behind him. She listened to her surroundings. It seemed like the sound was either coming from the dark corridors or it was drowned by her feet on the metal.

They discovered almost everything in the ship. Scozar was particularly careful to not accidentally step in the reactor room. It was as if he could tell where it was. He also took his sweet sweet time exploring every single corner and spot.

Eventually, Scozar had to step into the last room. When they got in, Maena could already hear the buzzing sound emanating from the reactor core. She got closer, kneeling beside a large immaculate metallic box.

She listened closer to the variations of sounds. It was how she learnt to determine whether a reactor core was powerful or defective. This one made waves of sounds, like some kind of soothing crackling water. It was regular and intense.

She was amazed by the quality of the sound. It meant it had a lot of power and could potentially make them travel space faster and for a longer period of time too. It could perhaps bend space better, perhaps it could even be less painful if something bad happens during one of those “space folding”.

She passed her hand on the smooth metal. It was definitely not human-made. The exterior wasn’t what mattered though. She had no difficulties taking it away, revealing a complex network of blue phosphorescent cables keeping gems together.

She could see three layers of those intricate circuits. She hoped to never have to repair the last layer, she already predicted it would be a pain in whatever didn’t see the light often.

The interior rang with a crystalline sound, reminiscent of a heartbeat. She put the box back on top of it. She tapped it with her index, looking back at the other Pillars. 

-This is one of the best reactors I have ever seen in my life.

At that, The Primavix said nothing and didn’t move. However, Scozar raised his head high, like he was proud. However, he quickly took that opportunity to look at her from up high and growl:

-You better keep it that way.

-Well, it should stay that way on its own. If it breaks down without any provocation then it’s not a good reactor. But I don’t think it’s going to happen any time soon.

She rose on her feet and readjusted her coat on her shoulders. She walked towards the exit. This time, from the corner of her eyes, she noticed Scozar’s cold glare as she passed by him. She acted like she didn’t acknowledge him.

-Either way, I’m done here.

She could tell he was unsatisfied. People like him had a tendency to drive her crazy. The nerves to think he is entitled to everything made her blood boil. She knew it wasn’t diplomatic at all. She knew she was asking for it at that point but before exiting the room, she turned towards The Kerox and taunted:

-See? Did it take that much of your time?

-This is not how you are getting me to cooperate next time. Your strategy is flawed.

He was so right. But she wouldn’t admit it out loud. She didn’t really think about it, she just wanted to match his level of pettiness.

-Well, answer me. Did it take that much time for me to check the reactor core?

-You shouldn’t give me orders. Must I remind you of what I could do?

This would have stopped her but she had gone too far now. She decided it was bluff and kept going.

-Answering a question with another question? Is that all you’re going to do? Or can’t you admit that it didn’t take much of your time?

His indigo feathers on his spine rose to their full length. His stare pierced her, this time, it felt like daggers.

-You were about to get out of my sight, which would have been appreciated. 

He slithered towards her, slowly but surely, menacingly. His powerful muscles rolled under his scales. The bottom of his spears accompanied his motion, the tapping echoed like a clock of doom.

-But you decided to stay and mock me.

Why did she do that? What in the world was she thinking? She was paralysed with a hand on the door frame. She stared at him, not out of bravery, but out of utter terror. She just couldn’t look away as he approached dangerously close.

She was reminded that there were other apex predators amongst the other species of the galaxy, there were other death-worlders. She remembered that the death-worlder standing in front of her fought in a war and lived. In fact, at that moment, she was reminded of her own mortality.

If she wasn’t going to die from the claws of The Kerox she was certainly going to die from a heart attack. Her heart was pounding for its life. Each of its beats effectively beat the inside of her chest. Sweat was dripping from everywhere. 

That’s when The Primavix stepped in front of her, like a saviour. They made a physical barrier between her and Scozar. They actually stood up to The Kerox, they faced him. Their calming voice filled her translator:

-We believe there is no need for aggression. The night was long and our thoughts and yours are divergent and clouded by exhaustion. We and you mustn’t forget that we and you are the new era’s beacon. The failure of this mission would be a shame for everyone.

Maena finally figured out what The Primavix was: they were the voice of reason. She watched in awe as The Kerox stopped in his tracks and pondered like he did before. She let out a sigh of relief. She was suddenly light-headed. She declared on a more casual tone than she thought she could muster:

-Yeah, I agree. I’m going outside for…fresh air.

She promptly left the room and went outside as fast as she could. She was going to die from her own stupidity someday. This whole “New Era” thing was dumb. They were going to kill each other before anything meaningful would be made.

Back to masterlist

Back to A New Era

[moondustinfj]

[luck-of-the-drawings]

POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.

[exopelagic]

this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh

[anotheruntitledsong]

i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty

[empathbled]

tag drop.

↳ ooc ⸻ ❛ i can make myself look٬ but the thinking is shutting down. ❜ ↳ promo ⸻ ❛ everyone has thought about killing someone٬ one way or another. ❜ ↳ memes ⸻ ❛ you won't like me when i'm psychoanalyzed. ❜ ↳ starter call ⸻ ❛ wind him up and watch him go. ❜ ↳ crack ⸻ ❛ i feel crazy. ❜ ↳ queue ⸻ ❛ do you feel alive? ❜

↳ about ⸻ ❛ i felt terrified٬ and then i felt powerful. ❜ ↳ meta ⸻ ❛ i feel like i am spilling. ❜

↳ images ⸻ ❛ i'm not even sure if i'm awake now. ❜ ↳ music ⸻ ❛ i could use a good scream٬ i can feel one perched under my chin. ❜ ↳ desires ⸻ ❛ but it wasn't real٬ it wasn't real. ❜

↳ answers ⸻ ❛ it's not any easier. shake it off٬ keep on looking. ❜ ↳ speech ⸻ ❛ i know what kind of crazy i am٬ but this isn't that kind of crazy. ❜

↳ hannibal ⸻ ❛ do you believe you could change me the way i've changed you? ٬ i already did. ❜ ↳ abigail ⸻ ❛ never again. only in my memories sleepless in the dark shall i still tread the old paths. ❜

↳ verse ⸻ ❛ special agent٬ this is my design. ❜ ↳ verse ⸻ ❛ after the fall٬ this is my legacy. ❜

[i-am-kind-of-lost]

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SEASON 2 FINALE

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

how i manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances + how you can too ♡

Note: this is not my post and it's blushydior's post that everyone been searching for, so i thought why not making it as a post,and blushy if you see this, please don't kill me i know you said that you'll change your post but you disappeared After that.

♡ table of contents:

1. the importance of making this post

2.my take on manifestation + the 3D

3. HOW I DID IT - my journey in 4 phases i went through that include my mindset changes up to the moment i got my desires 

4. your new rules & routine from this moment on

5. a note from me!

6. frequently asked questions: separated into topics regarding the 3D, self concept + miscellaneous questions to have you leaving this post stress free.

now let’s get into it. read every bit of this post “ ~ ୨୧ ♡ ·

I. THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING THIS POST

i’ve been through it all. you can read my experiences from old life in the “my life before” section of my success story + here, here, here and here. this is my success story on how the law of assumption has changed my life. as you can see from the “how” section of the post, i had purposely left it short, sweet and simple to avoid people complicating the simplicity of the law of assumption. but as time went on, anons and other blogs made me realize that since people do tend to over-complicate the law, the need i felt to make an in-depth post on how i personally manifested through my hard circumstances grew strong.

my blog often highlights topics that pertain to mental health, so i want to make sure those who find themselves in the same situations as i once were feel seen, heard and loved. you are all so powerful, amazing and hold so much potential more than you know. with this post, i hope i am able to help you realize that fact to the best of my abilities.

𝐈𝐈. MY TAKE ON MANIFESTATION + THE 3D

something that you’ll see me say all the time is: “life is a blank canvas.” that’s because it truly is.

remember that you are working with the law of assumption. what you assume to be true, is true. nothing is set in stone unless you say it is. things have meaning only if you assign it one.

you are the sole creator of your life. you are the artist that controls the brush/pen, you control what goes on and off of this very malleable canvas we call life. you don’t have to do anything. therefore,

you don’t have to: affirm 24/7, be specific, word your affirmations correctly, listen to subliminals, ignore the 3D, be positive all the time, meditate, have high vibrations, script, visualize, do sats or lullaby, go into the void, affirm in the present tense, avoid the mirror, etc.

you can literally say a random word like “bonk” and if saying it means you have all your desires or money is constantly filling your bank account, then that’s what will happen!

“but what if my subconscious doesn’t know what it means?” your subconscious mind is literally you. it’s not some stranger separate from you. if you want a scene to play out a certain way on a specific date or a romantic partner with all the most perfect qualities even if you can’t name it all at the top of your head, your subconscious has your back with the details! you have your own back. don’t worry.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO IGNORE THE 3D.

read that again and again and again and again and-if your circumstances are quite literally in your face, how can you turn the other way and ignore it? you could if you wanted but you’ll only be doing more harm and we don’t want that, right?

“so then what do i do?” you KNOW it’s going to change. it’s challenging when you don’t fully believe the law to know it’s going to change, so for a start, tell yourself that this is not the end. why? because the moment you had a desire and claimed it as yours, it has already been set stone in the 4D so the 3D has no choice but to reflect it. this is your movie, you KNOW this is not the end. you are director and star of this movie! you control how it’s going to play out.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. HOW I DID IT - The 4 Phases (more so, 3)

PHASE 1:

i found out about manifestation from tiktok. from there i have tried scripting, law of attraction and had taken a liking into the craft. i tried it all until i found out about the law of assumption, sammy ingram and finally, tumblr.

PHASE 2:

upon finding out about loassumption tumblr, i had learned more and more about the law but as time went on, i had realized i had never really fully tried to apply the law. the idea just didn’t come about to apply it. as many others, i had overconsumed information, always wondering if i was doing it right, questioning the 3D,

so i took a break. upon discharge, i realized many things and decided to spend an extended amount of time alone, away from social media. i’m someone who values alone time as long as if it’s spent wisely.

during this time away from tumblr and sns platforms in general, constantly surrounded by other people’s takes, information, and opinions, i had learned so much about the law of assumption on my own! i went into the law of assumption with a fresh mind, actually applying the knowledge and overtime of affirming and persisting, i ACTUALLY understood the meaning behind “creation is finished. it is done.”

i’m advising you to step away from social media (that on it’s own has negative impacts) and be alone with your thoughts. i know your thoughts haven’t had it’s time to be alone because you’re most likely constantly seeking information to help you. and i don’t blame you. it’s just that, you are always bombarded by thoughts that aren’t your own, you barely give some time to yourself to think for yourself!

and if you can’t help but be on tumblr for other reasons than loassumption, unfollow blogs for the time being, scroll past informational posts to avoid second guessing your application. tell yourself that

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!

PHASE 3:

when it was time to apply the law, i simplified it. you choose what you desire, you affirm from your desire and persist. okay! got it. so that’s what i did. i affirmed whenever i thought about my desire, i kept saying that it is done! so in phase 2, i mentioned how i realized how creation was ACTUALLY done, right? before deciding to apply the law, i kept seeing posts saying that but i didn’t really fully understand it until the realization hit me during my time away from social media. (see? i love alone time. solitude is my bff) — here’s my breakdown for you:

once you decide a desire is yours to claim, THE SECOND you affirm that, in your head, imagination, your 4D, it is ALREADY yours. therefore, it has no choice to become physical reality. (this is why your subconscious only needs to hear things once in order for it to conform!)

it will always be yours for as long as you sustain that assumption (persist), it is yours! no matter what.

this is the meaning of “it is done.” it’s like telling a chef what dish you want, once they know what you want, they’ve got you covered. except that this chef is you. you know the details of your desire, you declare it’s going to conform instantly so why are you worrying? there is no need to worry.

informational post on the 4D + 3D here:

❝ If you judge after appearances, you will continue to be enslaved by the evidence of your senses. To break this hypnotic spell of the senses you are told, "Go within and shut the door,” The door of the senses must be tightly shut before your new claim can be honored .Instead of fighting against the evidence of the senses you claim yourself to be that which you desire to be. As your attention is placed on this claim, the doors of the senses automatically close against your former master (that which you were conscious of being). As you become lost in the feeling of being (that which you are now claiming to be true of yourself) the doors of the senses once more open, revealing your world to be the perfect expression of that which you are conscious of being. ❞

i kept time away from social media and being persistent really helped me be aware of my thoughts.

persistence has helped me:

be aware of thoughts that i wouldn’t have been able to catch before. for example, i was declaring that i have all of my desires and creation was done, but i found myself affirming “okay but where is it?” — this made me realize i was questioning my desires in my 3D even though i knew it was done in the 4D. (you don’t have to do this, you can imply your 3D conforms fast with whatever affs)

flip and interrupt my intrusive thoughts faster and faster the more i persisted. i hated my intrusive thoughts so much. like it was so annoying and hurtful. it was filled with replaying past scenarios that happened to me, things i wished had played out differently, just people who absolutely did not deserve the right to be occupying my mind and space! so i was grateful to learn that with persistence, i started to have less and less of those.

(see!! mental diet, persistence!! <3 this is how habits form and strengthen duhh. remember not to abandon common sense for the law)

AND THEN, PHASE 4:

i had entered sabbath, the state of the wish fulfilled, calm and relaxation that my desire has already manifested and there wasn’t nothing left for me to do other than persist. after so much persisting and saturating my mind with my affirmations, i reached being peace with my desires. i’m really glad i persisted. see how after persistence of assumptions, though false, will harden into fact? see how even your affirmations would feel “fake” at first but will soon feel natural to you? this means that i wasn’t questioning where it was, how long it was taking, etc. but this doesn’t mean i was ignoring my 3D. i saw it all but i knew it was going to change BECAUSE i felt peace in my inevitable desires.

then, i received my desires.

❝ I couldn’t possibly be worried about anything if I really believe that imagining creates reality. ❞

❝ When I speak of feeling I do not mean emotion, but acceptance of the fact that the desire is fulfilled. Feeling grateful, fulfilled, or thankful, it is easy to say, “Thank You,” “Isn’t it wonderful!” or “It is finished.” When you get into the state of thankfulness, you can either awaken knowing it is done, or fall asleep in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. ❞

𝐈𝐕. YOUR NEW RULES & ROUTINE

☆┆YOUR 3 NEW RULES ARE:

1, you have all your desires:

i have all of my desires.

creation is finished. it is done.

2. you manifest quickly and easily:

manifesting is always so easy and instant for me.

i always manifest within 2 days or less, the 3D conforms instantly.

the 3D instantly reflect my 4D.

the physical reality instantly reflects my 4D/imaginative reality.

3. you are okay because nothing can stop you from getting the inevitable:

everything is going to be okay because creation is done.

i am always aware of my thoughts. nothing can stop/get in the way of my desires.

no amount of intrusive thoughts, events and opinions of others have the power to stop my manifestations.

✉️: choose one affirmation from each list or make one of your own that makes you feel comfortable.

☆┆ROUTINE:

affirm on loop as an act of saturating your mind whenever you think of your desire until you feel satisfied,

in the morning, after you wake up: saturate your mind with affs.

read the manifesting vaunt below everyday (whenever you feel like it) — read it over and over again until you feel confident then go about your day!!

at night, before you sleep, affirm this:

“i kept all my thoughts in check today. i didn’t waver once. my mind is completely saturated with the new story.”

optional tip: if you want to saturate your mind even more as a start, you can set reminders with sticky notes around your space, have affs on your phone lock screen or wear a bracelet.

✉️ NOTE: soon enough, your mind will be saturated and you won’t need to do this anymore. this is just a start for those who battle intrusive thoughts!

let yourself feel any emotions that may come up because of your hard circumstances then once it’s out of your system, affirm your rules, especially rule #3!

do not consume any loassumption information if you know it will only cause you to second guess your ability. if you have the urge to ask a blog a question, try to make sense of what they will say and answer it yourself.

in times of doubt, remember that life is a blank canvas. your desire is set in stone, so your only task is to persist.

REASSURANCE VAUNT

creation is ACTUALLY finished. it is done. the second i claimed my desires as mine, it has already manifested itself in the 4D so it has no choice to present itself in the 3D! all i have to do is affirm and persist. i always have unwavering faith in my manifesting abilities and the law. i never fail. i am successful at every single thing i do. manifesting is so effortless. no amount of doubt, worry, fear, anxiety, intrusive thoughts or events can ever, and i mean EVER stop my manifestations. why? because i said so. this is MY life. i make the rules. so if i say i manifest easily, the 3D conforms instantly and that i have all of my desires, then it is a FACT. i’m literally unstoppable. everything i want is inevitable. my only task is to persist, sit back and relax as the 3D reflects my 4D. it all happens so fast, but what else do you expect from a master manifester like me?

SOMETHING TO NOTE:

most of the time, people think affirming on loop is saying it like a robot but what you don’t realize is that you’re affirming as if you’re reading a book. it’s not filled with enthusiasm but it’s not exactly monotone either. stop overthinking it. it’s like the voice you’re reading this post with. correct?

again, soon enough, your affirmations will feel natural and you won’t feel the need to affirm constantly. the routine above was given for those who battle intrusive thoughts, making your affirmations dominate to the point where you don’t waver.

QUOTES on STATES:

❝ I paid thirty dollars for my first suit. Today a suit will cost me $200.00, but regardless of the cost, when the suit is new I am aware of it. But let me wear it long enough for it to feel natural and I will no longer be conscious of it. The same is true for a state. You may desire the state of fame. If you will think you are famous and remain conscious of the state long enough to make it natural, as the thoughts flow from you they become a natural part of your body of beliefs, and the world will proclaim your fame. ❞

❝ I urge you to use your own wonderful creative power and deliberately move into the state of your choice. Make it now by occupying the state long enough so that it feels natural. Haven’t you had a suit of clothes that felt so new you were conscious of them every moment? I know when I bought my first suit I walked down Fifth Avenue thinking everyone I passed knew my suit was new. People passing paid no attention to me, but I was so aware, so conscious of my new suit. That’s exactly that happens when you move into a new state. If the state of affluence is new, you think everyone knows it, but no one knows or cares whether you are rich or poor, so walk in the state until it becomes natural. The moment the feeling is natural, wealth is yours! ❞

𝐕. ENDING NOTE

i love you. read that again. you can do it. read that again. i am so so so so proud of you. read that again! you are so strong, you have SOO much potential and power. it’s time for you to tap into it, angel. stop making excuses. stop telling yourself you can’t do it. stop the nonsense! you’ve dealt with your hard circumstances long enough, it’s time for you to turn to the person who can make that change (you) and make it happen. i’m really sorry you have to go through what you did. you certainly do not deserve the unkind treatment. give yourself a hug and tell yourself that this. is. it. you’re going to make the change. you know it and i do too. it’s possible. nothing is impossible for the person who believes! keep the faith in yourself. nothing can stop you.

it’s like those movies where the mc finds out they hold so much power. they doubt it because of the life they’ve had so far but once they give it a shot, they become the most powerful hero ever. you are that hero!!!

i love you and i am, again, giving you the biggestttt hug ever.

now, with that being said, @blushydior​ will no longer be taking asks regarding this topic. i’ve cleared most of the questions that could ever arise. you don’t need my guidance anymore after this post! im seeing you off now. i love you. stay safe. know that you’re loved and hold the power to change your life.

— kisses from bambi ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

ps. make sure you clicked the words that have links! <3 (the links are missing)

𝐕𝐈. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Something you wish you could’ve told yourself before you manifested it all to make things easier for anyone struggling:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

you guys are beating yourself up for something so simple. take a step back and realize that. you’re already dealing with such hard circumstances, so why are you literally degrading yourself for something so within your power and reach? tell yourself everything is going to be okay. you’re always doing your best. you deserve the WORLD.

I could write a whole novel, combine all the posts on tumblr teaching the law of assumption, and every helpful ask out there but at the end of the day, YOU are the only person who could change your life. YOU make the call. turn every doubtful question to a positive one, when in doubt, turn inwards toward the 4D and know that it is real. it is done the second you affirmed it so.

SPEND TIME ALONE.

i can NOT stress this enough. i didn’t include the details of my time alone in phase 2 for nothing. you’ll see that you can answer your own questions. you’ll catch the thoughts you missed because you have always been so adamant on getting answers to questions you already knew. take a deep breathe and stay firm.

SEE WHAT’LL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP.

What did you affirm to get your dream life?

basically my affirmations i gave above and these. all i used were blanket affirmations.

What does persisting mean to you? What does persisting really feel like? Is it just like a mental diet? or what?

“persisting is sticking to what you want / the end no matter what you’re shown, told, and what you experience + picking yourself up after letting any negative emotions & thoughts pass by.” — blushydior from this ask here (sadly the link is missing:()

+ keeping your thoughts in line of the same category. to word this in a different way, i can affirm so many affirmations just as long as they mean the same thing to me!

“it also is a mental diet. we’re always persisting in something. it’s just a matter of what you’re persisting in. you either persist in your desire or negative/non-beneficial thought 24/7.”

“in your post about how you changed your life, you said you just affirmed and persisted. but from your other posts it seems like you read neville goddard books. so did you just affirm or did you do imaginal acts too? i get confused when people say “just affirm and persist” cause neville never said that.” (original ask here) (note from Eli: the link is missing).

“yes, i read his books and sometimes i would do imaginal acts but i would only do that bc it helped me get by my circumstances, yk? like if i was overwhelmed i would just daydream lol. its like how i read books to escape to another world. but i would say, affirming and persisting was what i focused more on.

i just used what worked for me and used his quotes as a reminder of the power of man. i didn’t want to bound myself to one’s teaching constantly worrying if im doing it “right” or not so instead, i went back to his quotes that consisted of telling me to persist, look inwards, finding confirmation in my imagination, etc whenever i needed a pick me up.

but correct me if i’m wrong, i’m pretty sure many of the success stories he shared consisted of people simply decreeing their desires and feeling the wish fulfilled simply by repetition and acceptance of their assumption.”

What is saturating your mind?

read about it here (the link is missing, but Basically it is repeating an affirmation every minute or hour until you feel fulfilled)

Do we have to believe our affirmations? Did you ever doubt the law in the process?

no, i did not believe my affirmations and YES of course i doubted the law but i kept persisting either way because what could i lose? and here i am.

Did you just affirm, persist, maintain a mental diet and that’s it? No SATS, going to the void, lullaby, repeating affirmations? Did you just got it sleep?

just affirming and persisting. sure, the occasional lullaby, i usually affirmed for 10 seconds max before i gave up. i couldn’t sleep without imagining some romantic scenario LOL #bambiexposed

How to deal with manipulation and narcissism?

remind yourself that you’re in advantage because you know about the law of assumption. life is a dream, you can literally have whatever you want just by affirming. if you know that, why allow yourself succumb to other people’s thoughts and beliefs? i couldn’t allow other people’s thoughts ruin my chance of living my dream life. the thought of it alone gave me the worst feeling.

How did you tackle the feelings of having no hope? + After being in the victim state for so long what did you do to get yourself out and actually stay out?

i persisted on loop whenever i doubted the law. i reminded myself that it doesn’t hurt to just be quiet, affirm and persist to live my dream life. just do it. you gain nothing from turning back to your old habits. see what’ll happen if you don’t give up. ❝ Do you always turn to your imagination and, no matter what happens, do you remain faithful to the state imagined? If you do, you have passed the test. But if every little rumor, doubt, or fear can move you around like a pawn on a chessboard, then you are not keeping the faith! ❞ ❝ Objects seem so independent of our perception of them that we incline to forget that they owe their origin to imagination.❞

What was the timeframe of when you got your desires?

about a week after deciding to be strict with self discipline, mind you, i was dealing with hard circumstances and intrusive thoughts for years. within this time span, i had entered sabbath so i immediately got my desires.

How did you kept a positive mindset when it looked like there was no movement?

refer back to phase 3

What was your affirming routine?

AT FIRST, when i started to get sick of overconsumption and not getting my desires, i knew my mind wasn’t saturated/my desires were not my dominant thoughts. so, i decided to be strict with myself. i reminded myself with pieces of paper in my room that said: ❝ PERSIST. new story only!❞ ❝ AFFIRM!❞

❝ 1.) the 3D conforms instantly.

2.) AFFIRM THE DESIRED

3.) BE LOT.❞

and taped them on the wall infront of my bed & one on my door so i can see it before i head out.

i didn’t need them anymore after a few days. (phase 3 & 4)

What did you do on all the days you woke up and things were still the same?

stop affirming that you don’t see results. i flipped the thought of “nothing’s changed.” to “i am in my desired reality, it is done.” and so on. be stern and remind yourself that you are in control. don’t fall prey to the 3D. turn inwards, find confirmation in the 4D. read quotes above.

How did you not react to the 3D?

i allowed myself to be angry. if i wanted to cry, i did. if i wanted to vent, i did. i ranted my feelings out in my head, aloud or in a journal then proceeded to go back to the new story after i cooled down.

But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?”

you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track. i ranted for 2% of my 24 hour days. the other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and i felt more at ease. i held onto that feeling because i knew this was when i would get my desires and i did. letting out and actually feeling your feelings is important. you’re not a robot.

Did you script how your life would be?

no.

(.𖥔 ݁ note from Eli: here's her post about her life before and After she changed it with LOA, anyway i wanted to make it in a post since the Google document can't let you make a copie of it and plus you can't take screenshots which René didn't allow)

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Doting

Tags: jjk men as dads, tooth-rotting fluff, comfort drabbles

Synopsis: How the JJK men treat you while pregnant (spoiler warning- they dote on you.)

An: This is my formal apology for writing Nanami angst on the “Baby’s first words” post 😔 it will never happen again (can we stop with the death threats now?)

SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA • NANAMI

SATORU

Oh, your loving husband is all over you while you’re pregnant. He genuinely has such a cute fascination with all the changes your body is going through. He seriously thinks you’re so strong for carrying his heir.

He loves rubbing your bump. In fact, he will always be touching it in some form or fashion while you two are together. When he’s away on missions, he has you send him pictures and updates on your pregnancy as if anything major has changed in a couple of days.

You best believe he is ready to indulge you on your every craving, no matter how strange. It’s three a.m and you’re crying because you need that specific brand of chicken wings and a can of whip cream? He’s heading to the store immediately to fetch whatever you tell him to.

He genuinely worries about being a good dad. Many nights he lays his head on your bump and talks to you about how teaching didn’t come naturally to him. He wasn’t born knowing how to meet people where they’re at. He use to expect people to be able to meet him on his level. He worries that he may inadvertently put a lot of pressure on his kid, and that’s the last thing he wants due to how he was raised. He just wants his kid to be a kid.

He’s the best, most loving and compassionate dad to your baby, more than you could ever hope for. Even if teaching didn’t come to him naturally, being a father did.

SUGURU

He’s such a “sit down and let me do it for you” while you’re pregnant. He cooks, cleans, works, and tends to you completely throughout your pregnancy.

Suguru gets hyper fixated on your health during pregnancy. He only feeds you the yummiest and healthiest foods while you’re pregnant. He encourages for you to sit on the yoga ball and do (very) light exercises. He just wants the best for you and his baby.

Whenever I said he tends to you, I genuinely mean he tends to you. He’ll gently brush your hair at night time, rub your back when your belly is becoming heavy to carry around, serve your breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, carries around emesis bags and breath mints for if you get morning sickness while you two are out.

This man is the king of enforcing your boundaries to people when they don’t listen. That really annoying family member that insists on being there for the birth even though you’ve already explained to them that you want this to be an experience for just you and Geto? Yeah, he’s made it very clear to them that they will not be at the birth if they want to be in your kid’s life.

He is absolutely not afraid to hurt feelings if it means his wife and future child are safe and cared for. He really don’t give a fuck who anyone else is. You and his child are first priority.

TOJI

Toji is definitely the type to express his love and devotion for you in other ways than the most conventional methods.

He is so incredibly gentle while you’re pregnant. He doesn’t rile you up as much or play fight with you anymore. He constantly reminds himself that you’re carrying another life inside you and that you have enough on your plate.

This man… whew does he love seeing you pregnant. Toji’s the type of man to feel so feral when he looks at you heavily pregnant with his kid.

He adores your body. He’ll rub lotion all over you and oils to help your skin accommodate to the stretch of carrying a kid. He massages your body and absolutely worships it while he’s rubbing the lotion and oil on you.

Your breasts are sore? He’ll gently massage them until they feel better. Your back hurts? He’d be the type to lift your bump up and take the weight off you for as long as you ask him to so you can feel relaxed for a few minutes.

And look this is probably TMI but like, if you got a clogged milk duct due to breastfeeding, Toji would unfortunately be the type of man to fix that issue with his mouth. i’m sorry but he would.

Final thing is, you better believe that he doesn’t allow anyone to get too close to you. He is so unbelievably protective over you while you’re pregnant. If he could, he’d lock you up at home to prevent anyone from getting close to you.

SUKUNA

On the outside, he acts very nonchalant and unbothered by your pregnancy. On the inside, he is constantly plagued by the thought that your body may not be able to carry his heir. The thought of losing you or his child haunts him.

He will secretly observe and take notes on your body and how it is changing. If he catches you expressing any sort of short windedness, he will immediately send you off to bed rest. Though, you’re usually able to convince him to take you off of it by the next day.

The only servant he trusts to tend to you is Uraume. No one else in his court is allowed to be anywhere near you unless he gives specific instructions. Still, he hates leaving you in the care of Uraume. He trusts them, but he wants to be the one to take care of you.

He loves holding your body close to him at night. All four arms are wrapped around you and holding you closely. Since he doesn’t need much sleep, he will stay awake rubbing on your tummy all night long. One time, he felt the baby moving in your stomach while you were asleep. He was so intrigued that he woke you up and told you to “make them do it again”.

Now, he will randomly approach you at any given time while you’re heavily pregnant and hold his hand out so he can feel his baby moving around inside of you. It soothes his worry.

During birth, Sukuna was a complete mess. The amount of blood lost during birth fucking terrified him. He was panicking and yelling at anyone to do something to save you, even while everyone was assuring him that you’re okay and this was natural.

After 9 long excruciating months of extreme worry and constant fear, he finally feels peace when he’s cradling a newborn in his arm and a sleeping wife in the other arm. All of his hard work to protect you paid off he thinks.

NANAMI

Oh, to be pregnant by the king of domestic love himself.

Nanami is the type of man to immediately start working on a nursery for you as soon as you reveal to him that you’re pregnant. He immediately changes the guest bedroom into a nursery that you design for your little baby.

He reads up on all the parenting books and articles. He’s constantly compiling things to either do or to not do during pregnancy and even while raising a kid.

Like Geto, he tends to your every need. He is a total house husband all while working 40 hours a week. When he’s at work, he is constantly calling and texting you to make sure that you’re okay and taking care of yourself, but let’s be fr he literally did everything for you before he even left for work (meal prepped for you, set out your clothes for you, put out all your self care items in case you want to bathe).

When you express concerns of your body getting bigger to him, he does everything in his power to show you that he loves and respects your body for creating life. He literally cherishes and worships your body for hours if you let him.

Like Toji, Nanami is protective over you. He constantly has an arm around you if you two are in public, and he watches everyone who dares to get close to you like a hawk. If he gets a bad vibe about anyone, he’s immediately stepping in front of you and taking over the conversation.

Nanami is the best partner to have during birth. His reading of articles during your pregnancy really paid off. He is supportive without being overbearing. He listens to your needs and tends to you without question. Constant praise and encouragement while you’re giving birth. The moment he gets to snuggle with you and the baby is the moment he realizes that he cultivated the life of his dreams. He has the family he always wanted.

[arolesbianism]

You see oni is great because it's full of the lamest nonbinary people you've ever met except they're also all just some guy except they're also all massive freaks and also there's more of these freaks that are binary gendered it's just lame freaks all the way down