#“cant imagine being attracted to men LOL” type of guys

[whitefangz]

a lot of lesbians on reddit (and online in general) are so painfully insecure about how they compare to men and constantly posting like "ahhh im so scared my bisexual girlfriend will miss having sex with men and leave me for a man" and its like. i dunno. the fact that thats literally just biphobic to say aside i cant imagine it i dont even compare myself to men. they dont even exist to me i dont even think about them unless im forced to. why are you spending every waking moment worrying about them. i only worry about them when society forces me to and this is literally not one of those times. and then you'll say this is a weird thing to imply and they're like "well its not cause shes bisexual its cause im insecure" and its like so? i dunno. im built different i guess. i cant imagine being a cunt like that. maybe you should try being a bit of a misandrist like me and you'll stop thinking so lowly of your own girlfriend

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[castlebyersafterdark]

lmaooo while we are talking about finn's assets, is it really that common for a bush to be unusual for gay men? even lots of corn you see thats supposedly only fans or real people at home is bare. im assuming shaven or waxed, but the latter takes real effort or money. its a shame you dont see many natural guys unless theyre advertised specifically as hairy for a fetish or preference. seeing as hair is the neutral natural, you'd think it would be more visible. its effort enough for females to sort hair out, cant even imagine being bothered to shave crack and balls can you imagine the intricacy lol

i mean edges and trim yeh. full shave? boi. imagine the chafe.

No, definitely not uncommon. It's the same as everything - preferences, circumstance of what appears to be the status quo, misleading image stereotypes via online communities, and practical experience. It's really funny, the extremes in attraction. So vast. The debate. Think about the two ends of the most common gay "type" spectrum: the smooth twink and the fat hairy bear. Thoughts:

The thing is - real life is not strictly regulated to falling into a prn category. That's a big problem. People don't always fall into these parameters out in the real world. Most guys are just... normal guys. Gay guys are just guys. Twink, twunk, hunk, otter, cub, bear, etc etc etc. Sure - legitimate, important for the community, the culture. Absolutely can ring quite true... if you want this. But I am a broken record stuck on repeat - no demographic is a monolith. There's plenty who do adhere to a secondary identity and plenty who don't. It's so true that body hair is a big part of identity and attraction for many - and again, the other side of the coin - a non-issue or concern for others.

Most guys I've encountered in real life? They're not really waxing everything off, staying smooth. Real normal style hahaha. Now, I have met those who adhere to a pretty strict regimen, take the time to shave everything, wax. Preference! Some guys want to have smooth, hairless pits and men who want that on other men despite being pretty hairy themselves. I think doing so to the pits is a damn travesty but then again, I'm an admitted guy who's attracted to body hair soooo. There's a preference example. While having a preference for what I look like as well for no reason other than how I personally like my own body to look. And some men don't grow much hair certain places at all, nothing they can do.

Prn is so bare. That's the modern era (compare to vintage prn and all the glorious chest fur and full bush I meaaaan) and so we have common assumption that guys, especially those who ID as bottoms, are bald from eyebrow to toe. Ehhh but also yeahhh. I've met guys like that who look like that, but give or take, ya know? It leans into the over-polished, fake image that's rampant on social media in many different ways. It reflects in the "industry" of sex. Personally? I don't find the completely bare crotch all that attractive. It's a little too juvenile for me, honestly a turn off. I'd rather adventure on safari than starve in the desert, ya get me?? 😉 There's a big difference between grooming pubes to tidy and neat and removing them completely. Just my thoughts...

I don't think most guys are doing all that. Most guys I've personally met weren't doing all that. Many are doing a little grooming though. Manscape the jungle. Pretty common for those regularly on the receiving end to go completely bare back there, common preference. Imagine the intricacy? HA 🤭 no imagination required hahahaha. And it's really not that much of a bother or inconvenience where I feel maintaining a bare chest is quite the unnecessary effort. But - preference. Yeah, it's a lot more common for gay men to shave and wax different areas in general as compared to straight men - but it's not a rule or the standard haha. And straight men do the full routine, too. Gym bro culture is big among all sexualities and therein lies yet another stereotype I'm perpetuating by mentioning it haha. Certian things do ring true. Always exceptions, rarely are there rules.

[rebelcharmings]

🪞🫶💕📍 RAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

hello gummy !!!!

🪞 which character is most like you and why?

oh this is a tough one right off the bat…. i’m probably gonna go with lizzie not Just bc she’s my fav character but actually there’s probably a good reason for that . i also kinda have a temper i try to control. and also my fav colour is red. yea see we’re practically the same person. also i like to be dramatic just for the lols

🫶 otp?

ohhh if you’ve seen enough of my posts u already know this . DIZZIE. AKA DARING AND LIZZIE. AKA THE ONE CANON SHIP THAT HAD SOO MUCH POTENTIAL BUT DIDNT GO ANYWHERE!!! if you’ve read the wonderlandiful world book you’ll especially understand where i’m coming from. literally even a snippet of it is in my header. it’s just sooo!!! idk!! i like the drama of everyone expecting daring to be with apple or at the very least a “Proper Princess”.. but here comes this wonderlandian princess who threatens to chop people’s heads off and there is just . Hearts in his eyes (pun intended). he’s completely smitten. and lizzie is just like Ugh this guy again but secretly finds him intriguing and likes the fact he likes Her for Her. my fav ship dynamic. obviously not biased but i think it’s the best out of the daring ships mainly bc i cant personally imagine cerise being attracted to men and i already told my thoughts on darabella.. i have many more thoughts on dizzie i should probably make a post on that.

this ship is just so criminally underrated there’s rlly not enough fics on this. i have soo many unfinished dizzie fics that will hopefully one day see the light.. who knows

💕 any other character dynamics you like (family, friends, ships)?

oh u already know what i’m gonna say. CHARMING SIBLINGS!!!! the books especially portray their dynamics so well. which is why i have a bone to pick with fics or interpretations where dexter or darling, specifically dexter, get rlly annoyed at their brother or daring is rlly condescending bc while dexter mayy be a little tired of being in his shadow they all still love each other!!! daring and dexter playfully wrestle, daring laughs as darling swings on his arm like a monkey bar, daring is proud of “dexter” suddenly improving in hero class and reassures him later that he knows this isn’t his thing but he isn’t going to hurt him while jousting…. i also find it entertaining to read about dexter and daring shooing off all of darling’s suitors, it’s nice to see how protective they r of her. and that one diary entry of darling remembering a memory of the three playing in the mud and then running away into the forest, making fun of their mother. it’s so cute . so good.

i reckon my love for this sibling dynamics and most sibling dynamics in media is bc of me being an only child and projecting bc i’ve always wanted siblings like this but anyways…..

📍 favourite eah location?

ooh interesting question . is it weird to say the castleteria LOL. i’ve always wanted to be in those american school type cafeterias and the different levels in the castleteria just seem even more fun. so that or the study lounge bc i’m a Nerd and like to study in environments like that.. i liked to study in my high school’s yr 12 study room especially when it was quiet, but it was also Just as fun to just chat about anything with friends and other classmates

[freebooter4ever]

Hey thanks I thought I was the only one who didn’t like the joke. Everyone laughed yuck

Ahhhhh yeah :/ i thought the joke was definitely funny, but with that harsh twinge of sadness at just how normalized and accepted this sort of sexism STILL is.

' i was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes, i get older but your lovers stay my age '

And its not necessarily a damnation of the man himself - obviously rami is a favorite of mine but i dont think hes ever dated anyone over 30 and is veering towards jake and leo disease too, and i still think rami is one of the most brilliant character narrative builders in the business currently - but its a damnation of a culture that treats romantic partners not as equals but as disposable play things with an expiration date. Look, i got flirted with by much older guys in pittsburgh all the time - usually it was cute, they were friendly, very complimentary and flattering about it, and they never treated it seriously or asked me out. Then i came to LA and the difference was night and day. Older (rich) men here feel entitled to younger women in a way that is frankly scary - at one point in a bar when a guy in his 60s was hitting on me my muscular male friend had to physically step between us and scare the guy off to get him to go away.

And it doesn't help that im sort of in the 'one of the guys' category, so i've heard the way these super rich dudes talk about the models they date behind their back while hanging with 'the guys', and, ugh, its not nice. I will say one thing for sports dudes - i imagine guys like ja*gr have way more respect for young women who are passionate about health and fitness than computer science executives.

But there's negatives in the sports world too - yall know how much i adore taylor. But even i recognize that she's not 'sports bro hot' - she doesn't have silicone, her make up is understated, she doesn't have that social media defined 'hotness' that sports fan dudes expect their sports heroes to date. So while i was naively scrolling insta looking for cute snapshots of taylor and travis being all lovey dovey at the end of the game, a good half the comments were men complaining about her. Saying they cant understand why travis is dating someone so old, that she will never be able to give him kids, that she's already showing her age (both of them are 34 btw). So far travis seems to ignore these types of comments but it would be hard to judge him for giving into peer pressure because this stuff is just so prevelant and exhausting.

And it does effect us older women - while i was dating Pilot Boy i was absolutely hyper aware of the fact that here is this rich, handsome, successful, and extremely smart guy dating beneath him. Like we bonded over being literally the same age - we had mutual friends in college without even knowing it. But i was always questioning like what does this guy see in me - why isn't he dating a gorgeous 25 year old whose only goal in life is to live on the beach with him??? Like he was honestly more the type of dude i would be friends with while he dates hotter women, lol. So i really was not surprised when he ended things (i was mostly sad that we couldnt stay friends and continue geeking out on airplanes and history together LOL), it just felt like it made sense, of course he wouldn't be serious about me, a guy like him should be dating a fresh, youthful, less bitter and cynical 25 yr old blonde. Six years in LA and this is just the pattern i see repeating itself over and over.

And im the romantic - when i fall in love its ALL in. Usually it's personality, usually its intellectual - that comfort in finding someone who just understands how you think. I love being so close to someone that you know them better than yourself, that you can communicate wordlessly. Shared humor, shared experience. As i age im learning that i actually dont pay much attention to the signs of aging when it comes to attraction - who notices wrinkles when what you're in love with is that look in their eye when they smile at you? The mental connection between romantic partners is the most important for me in my book. For me this typically means someone within the ten year range plus or minus - though i prefer it even within a five year age gap.

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[karomate]

High Ground - Olli Matela FF part 3

Hiya, Once again back with another part. Enjoy. Really enjoying where this is going. lol

The next morning Sara woke up to the noise her manager was making. “What do you think you’re still doing in bed?”, he almost screamed at her and she immediately got up from her bed, grabbed her stuff and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Over the years she learned that it was better to obey him, than make him angry.

After Sara was ready they went back to the rehearsal room Blind Channel occupied. They all were already there. Sara couldn’t help but to sneak a shy smile at Olli, which he returned. Nobody seemed to notice their little exchange.

“So today we have a lot of work to do!”, Niko announced and the all got to work. While Tommi was trying out different type of beats, that would suit the song, Joonas playing the guitar and Olli playing Bass, Aleksi tried to record Sara, Niko and Joel doing their vocal performance. It was harder than she imagined. She also did a bit of harder music but she couldn’t scream like Niko could. Joel on the other hand was a very talented singer with a rough yet smooth voice. It was a pleasure for her to be working with such talented young men.

After another two hours of just trying out everything they once again became hungry. Why were they always hungry? The boys agreed that they should go and get some food, leaving behind Sara, Olli and Tommi who wanted to work on their technique a bit more. After five minutes Tommi decided he needed to go outside to get some fresh air, which resulted in Olli and Sara being alone in the room. “I really enjoyed our conversation last night”, he confessed to her and shyly looked away. Sara couldn’t help but blush at his comment. She too enjoyed their conversation. “Me too”, she admitted and looked straight at him, which made him look at her too. “Do you maybe want to go out tonight? We could go to a bar and just get to know each other?”, he asked her and she could see the hope in his eyes. How could she say no to that? She quickly nodded.

Right as Sara was about to say something the other boys returned again. “We brought a lot of very unhealthy food!”, exclaimed Joonas and seemed to be very proud of himself. Seemed like he was the reason they got fast food. Sadly Sara wasn’t allowed to eat that. She didn’t have a fast metabolism and was only allowed to eat junk once a week and she did that the day before.

“Thank guys, but I’m not really hungry”, she apologized to the men and sat down on the couch, took her phone out and answered a few comments on her Instagram account. “You sure? The food is delicious”, Joonas tried to persuade her, but she didn’t budge. She couldn’t afford to make her manager even more angry than he already was with her. She overslept this morning, and he hated nothing more than people not being on time. She didn’t want to risk it. She once again shook her head no and just focused on her phone.

After they were done with rehearsal, they all went home. It was a tiring day but Sara was very nervous for her date with Olli. Could she even call it that? Was it a date or just a nice little get together like friends do?

She decided that she didn’t mind and just got ready in her hotel room. She quickly took a shower, and styled her short hair, put on black skinny jeans and a red crop-top and voila, ready she was. she texted Olli on Instagram, that she was ready and where she should meet him. It didn’t take him long to answer. He told her, he would be picking her up and that they would go to a winebar.

Olli didn’t let Sara wait too long, because after ten minutes he was there already, looking like a snack with his black button down shirt and black jeans. She suddenly felt underdresses, which she told him. “No don’t worry about it!”, he reassured her. “You look perfect!”, he complimented her and only after it was out did he realize what he was saying. They both started to blush. How could two adults be so shy around each other?

They started their walk to the bar and talked about how much they loved music. “So you know what has been bothering me the whole day? You said you weren’t hungry when we ate our lunch, but that cant be”, he said and all the color drained from Sara’s face. She couldn’t tell him! Was the only thought crossing her mind. “No everything’s alright. I just have those days, where I don’t eat a lot”, she brushed it off. “As long as you are in the mood for wine, then I am happy”, he said and Sara in her thoughts gave herself a highfive for dismissing the guy.

They arrived at their destination. It was a cute little bar with vineyards swinging around the door and rustical wooden patterns everywhere. Sara already loved it from the first moment. They walked in and Olli was greeted by the, what it seemed like, owner of the bar. “Take a seat at the back!”, he said and Olli softly grabbed her hand and led her to a secluded area, where they could watch the whole location, but no one would be able to see them. “So what wine do you drink?”, the owner asked them and they both gave their orders. While Olli ordered himself a redwine, Sara stuck to her Rosé.

They started talking, and they both couldn’t stop staring at the other person. Was that how it felt like to be really attracted to someone? Sara thought to herself. She dated before, but she never felt like that. And it scared her that it took the man in front of her only a few sentences to make her feel all fuzzy.

“I am really sorry to interrupt your little date here, but we are closing in five minutes”, the owner came back with an apologetic look on his face and Olli and Sara looked at each other witch surprise faces. Were they here for so long? They paid their bills and left the bar, not without Olli grabbing Saras hand once again. She could feel an explosion in her stomach. “Should I bring you to your hotel? Or do you maybe want to come over to my place and we can share a bottle of wine there?”, he asked her and she agreed to the later.

After a five minute walk to Ollis apartment Olli let them in, and they took the elevator to go to his flat. “I only have red wine, if that’s alright with you”, he called out from the kitchen and she shouted back that it was fine. His apartment was decorated really nicely. The colors were very basic black and white but it suited him perfectly. Olli came back with two glasses and another bottle. “You don’t have to stand here all lost, you can sit down”, she wasn’t about to be told twice and sat down on his very comfortable couch.

They talked some more. About their nicknames, which flower they wanted to be and what pets they always wanted, sooner or later, they both didn’t notice they drifted of to sleep in each others arms.

They both would have slept longer if it wasn’t for a phone ringing, and oh did Sara know that specific ringtone, which never meant any good. Her manager always texted her, he only called when there were very urgent changes in her schedule or when she fucked up.

And fuck up she did this time.

[passionandpurposeblog-blog]

Sexuality: No More to say and so over it

A few months after my long term girlfriend and I split up, I ended up in bed with Phillip, A nice guy that I’d known for some time. During the post-sex talk, he turns and asks “So does that mean you’re straight now?” 

“LMFAO” 

‘You’ve got a nice cock and I had a great orgasm, …..but you haven’t awoken anything in me that wasn’t already there. You cannot ‘make’ me straight and no one forced me to fuck you’ 

Infact, No one else would sexually awaken anything in me. Not the next guy after Phil, or the guy after that guy, or the girl after the guy after Phil. The list goes on and the list started waaaay back into my early teens. I've always been open, I was experimenting with drugs and people at a young age, I had a threesome with a guy and a girl when I was just 18. When I look back, I must admit that was very young for such an experience, but I just went with the flow. I don’t regret it, but I wish I had done it at a later age to really make the most of it and have the emotional maturity that you need to go with it. 

I’ve been listening to an interview with Kate Pierson (B52’s) and she has recently married her long term partner, a woman that she has dated for 15 years. She said that she had always dated men, and was even married before and that this lady came along and bang she was in love, just like that. Kate Pierson is now 71, So this is her 55-year-old self experiencing a major transition and shift in her life. Whilst trawling through the B52s back catalog online I read so many comments from random fans. ‘She's a lesbian’ ‘I never knew’ ‘But she was married to so and so’ and this is exactly the snooze fest that I am writing about today. Yawn...... If she spent 40 years with different men and now met a woman, perhaps shes just er just bisexual? And more importantly, shouldn’t we be interested in the music and her voice? As much as I love her, when all is said and done I don’t really want to think about the bedroom antics of a 71-year-old yknow.  

What is it with the labels?  

It’s like no one is comfortable until they know exactly which box you belong in, and if you stray from that box then their tiny minds scramble and system overload occurs. ‘ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AT ONCE’ ‘What are you?’ and ‘Don’t you dare have options or change, it doesn’t fit with the label I’ve prescribed you’.  

Before we label Kate a lesbian, how about we mention that she’s a brilliant talented vocalist with over 40 years in the band? Or is that how we are defining her now ‘The lesbian’?. *Insert laughing emoji here* 

“Bisexuals always get dumped on,” says Cynthia Nixon from Sex in the City...The Media has too labeled her a lesbian when much like Kate Pierson, she was in fact with men and entered into this new world later on in her life. It’s like now we must erase her whole previous life and deny that any man has ever come close to her! How dare she now turnaround and say she's’ attracted to men! How fucking dare she, she’s lesbian property now and she has no voice! She never said she was anything, You did!   

I thought, ‘I get it! I get You, I just get it’. She’s attracted to people, they may be male or they may be female yet shes being kettled to a place she never asked to be. It really is that simple. Should her current relationship end, nothing stops her going back to men, dating another woman or even staying single. Your past partners do not mean that your future self is set in stone. It’s not difficult to understand really is it?  

But! And there is a But!  

Say Cinthia and her gf/wife did break up and she dated a man. She won’t find it that easy, because of what I call, the whole ‘lesbian fragility’ - Gay women who pride themselves on being with women and only women and god fucking forbid should you show any interest in a guy. Well, You are now damaged goods my girl. A sell-out, banished!....exiled from the pride....like the Lioness in last weeks BBC Planet Earth. How can you and the gay community ever really watch the L Word again together or listen to Ani Difranco in the same way? ‘It’s just not the same’ they’ll whine.  

I’m being serious. There is a reverse discrimination within the gay community! I’ve seen it first hand. I’ve seen a few women in same sex relationships end, then go for a guy and their ‘friends’ no longer feel the same way about them, there’s no time to hang out anymore and she is “too busy with her straight friends”.  

Awwwww did someone emasculate you? 

I’ve never really enjoyed the company of gay women if I'm honest. I always found their friendships forged on sharing of sexual preference rather than common interest, views or hobbies. I usually think their haircuts are shit and they present me with this feeling where they are unsure if they want to fuck me or fight me. Very awkward, not to mention its a very childish and incestuous scene.  

I have seen this so many times with women, either in a same sex or opposite and then switch later on down the line which is what I mean about experience and just understanding those around you. I think a lot of women are on the bi spectrum. Not all, no, but a lot are, and sexuality is fluid.  About three months ago my cock hungry straight friend told me she’d met some woman online and is now having the best sex of her life! Great, wonderful, Whoppie.  So how do I label her? …....‘Err Mary’......... I label her Mary. I can’t really call her cock hungry right now, so I’ll just label her ‘Hungry Mary’. 

One of my oldest friends is gay – full blown lesbian, never been with a guy but totally cool with every bi girl that has. She and I sit on a different part of the spectrum, but she gets it and like myself she gives those around her that mutual respect and safe space to be who they are. If she turned around tomorrow and said she’s dating a guy, I wouldn’t be shocked, not because she has ever indicated that she likes guys, but simply because people change.  

I know three guys that have also experimented with other guys, would identify as straight and two of the three have long term girlfriends and kids. I just think at the time they took the ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and like my younger self, just went with the flow. 

As we age and grow the fuck up, this should be more accepted and we should just allow people to do who and what they want without the questions, especially the silly questions. It’s really mind numbingly boring, not to mention so nosey!? Jeez, get your own life in order. Despite my ramblings, I'm actually a pretty private person.  I just don’t discuss my private life or anyone I’m dating, I have so many transient non-committal interactions with people that I just don’t feel I need to. 

 I’ve been chatting to some people for ages, and I still wouldn’t discuss parts of my life with them. I keep my circle so small, and If we don’t click like that, we don’t click like that. It’s cool, because there is far more to me and far more to you than who we have in our beds right? I cant imagine meeting someone and asking them, “so what are ya?” CRINGE. I’d die. I’ve got some friends that I’ve spoken to for years, we’ve had really great conversations and it’s never occurred to me to stop and ask ‘do you have a partner? Are you gay?’  

The small circle of friends that I have know me, they get me and that’s my safe space.  

I do find some of the questions and statements really annoying, and if I’m honest just plain weird. I have an irritating male friend in that likes to continually remind me that I’m attracted to women, and of course, there is no way that I can be attracted to men, because I’m not attracted to him..... *eye roll* Dick! It’s like me saying to someone, ‘but you said you like mixed raced girls, so why don’t you like me’ it’s really really weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Its uncomfortable because he cannot address or acknowledge his own fascination with bisexuality and cannot stop mentioning it every time he sees me? He makes out he is cool and open-minded, yet I seem to be the topic of convo or butt of his jokes. Address your homophobia or your weird unrequited sexualisation of me whatever the issue is. Seek help mate, Your issue not mine. 

I cannot recall being asked what two women do in bed, but I have heard of it being asked to other people. It’s hilarious. I honestly believe that if you are over 25 and cannot work that out then you have a really dull imagination and I’d bet you are not very experienced. Not necessarily in bedding two women at once, but just in experiencing people; hearing their stories, watching porn, understanding their anatomy and physiology. OR You are being a menace and condescending..... I’ve never seen two men at it live, but I’m pretty sure I know how it goes down ;-)  

Sometime ago I spent a fair amount of time at a bdsm sex dungeon helping out an old friend. Id mostly film her sessions, and now and then Id help out by giving some guys the odd little kick in the nuts etc. Boy, I could write a whole new blog on that experience LOL! I saw some things!  

Meeting all the different types of people that came in the dungeon really opened my eyes to the world of sex and sexuality and just what turns people on. You really cannot judge what people are into, and you’d never know. It’s funny, the ‘geezers’ that make the gay jokes about bumming are often the same ones that ask the women to wear strap ons ;-). People have their quirks and their kinks, they just hide it well BELIEVE me. 

I’ve seen a lot and I’m very open and not much phases me, but because I’m not phased, or excited by the gossip or the fascination of it all I'm over it. …....over the labels, the questions, the presumptions, opinions and the basic inability to let people do what they want in peace. So because of this I decided a long time ago that I’m actually over my sexuality and stopped speaking about it  back in my twenties. 

Yawn.  

No one owns me and no one dictates.

I’m not anything, I’m just me in that particular point of time. No path is set and I answer to no one except who’s in my bed. 

Keep your own truth

[deadass-pool]

october 31, 2022 - halloween pms

oh boy oh boy DO I HAVE A STORY TO TELL

so in the past 3 months, i got a job, met new people, life kinda sucks, i met a boy, i also met another boy, i met more boys, went to a kpop music festival, met another boy, jesus fucking christ, please check in on my temper because my patience was tested.

aside from the clients that i have to deal with during my work hours in the morning hours to afternoon, i was also dealing with MEN and i dont know!!!! i havent been screwing around the dating scene in so long because i was so invested in other things such as being delusional with my celebrity crushes and college was sucking the life out of me but jesus christ, i kinda wished it stayed that way because now i got money problems (its a me problem) and boy problems (that i have to get rid ASAP)

anyways, i’m not gonna write about the 10 guys i talked to simultatnoeusly at once, the another 5 men whom all i met through stupid online dating apps, WHAT im gonna tell you is that i ended up forming a whatever situationship with a guy that i used to go to the same elementary school with. WHICH WAS WEIRD BECAUSE I KNEW HIM SINCE FOREVER LIKE IN 1ST GRADE IMAGINE HAVING HIM SEE YOUR TIDDIES NOW AT AGE 22 LIKE, THATS SO WEIRD WHO FUCKING KNEW RIGHT 

anyways, yeah based on the last paragraph that i have written, if it isn’t obvious enough for you, yes it was very sexual (and very confusing at times) and ITS SOMETIMES WEIRD because i cant stop picturing him as some random 6th grader that i walk past by numerous times when i was in 5th grade and idk idk its so fucking crazy like, THATS CRAZY RIGHT?? WHO KNEW LMFAO

anyways yea we would call each other at night, it was nothing serious, obviously. out of everyone he was my favorite since there was a common ground and experience we share so i felt more comfortable with him than the rest of the guys that i talked to. so i trusted him enough with photos that i took and hes literally the only guy i ever sent those photos to (and hes gonna get beat up by me if anything happens GOD FORBID ANYTHING HAPPENS) 

he would send good morning texts bla bla bla, it was a one month short lived experience until i decided to just be distant or whatever because hes literally any other guys. god, we were evn supposed to go on a date but it didnt happen. the point is, just because you knew him since forever does not mean he’s going to be different. i have met way too many of the same people like him, AND LIKE ME, to keep my guard up anyway.

anyways, the point is i can feel the void in me getting alot more worse. the more i entertain these men, even women (i cant for the life of god play with women even when im attracted to them i just CANT) the more i feel like this is all i ever am worth of.

i always dreamed about being cherished, being taken care of, being seen, being listened to, and just being loved and that’s because of the numerous love songs that i heard, movies that i watched and books i read, but why does it feel like i will never be worth of any of those things?

i think the dating scene of today made it worse. i think that’s why i can’t keep on settling for stuff like this anymore. i am not embarrassed to admit that i believe that i deserve being treated with respect and live the fluffy romantic corny shit you see in dramas. i truly want that lol

i just feel like i wasted so much time on spending to get to know these people, even when im not looking for anything serious, time is still a cost to even acknowledge their existence. i just feel like absolute shit over it.

idk maybe im just pmsing and its a halloween and i literally have nothing much better to do (i am literally supposed to go on errands but i ended up crying over the remaining balance in my bank account) but idk idk

and also i cut off my ties with this guy, not fully, just distanced myself. if he tries to reach out, then i’ll let him in. there’s nothing going on anyway and he’s a manwhore lol. idk im just upset over everything rn idk why im typing this maybe its because its eating me alive. did u guys know that i used to have such a huuuuuge crush on him until he went for the sexual part in our relationship or whatever we have and now i could not respect him at all lmfao

anyways, thats it ill tell more on the careeer part soon, im working on something. see if this one works out. we’ll see.

[pannil]

Sexual stuff and suicide references

Wow recently ive been such a different person. My personality has changed drastically. I always used to say that i would never be  able to hook up with anyone, that that wasnt something i could do. I thought that i couldnt develop attraction to people until i knew them. Thats how i feel about girls still but i guess that has changed in terms of guys because i never imagined id be with a guy. I could not fathom that idea because no guy had been interested in me seriously before, or they were someone i was not interested in at all. But ever since my first time having sex with a guy i feel so confident. I want to hook up with loads of people lol. Im still a piece of shit tho lol. But i feel so much more comfortable with my sexuality. I hate that i feel so much more confident in myself knowing that men desire me. Its really fucked up, i know. But i feel so so so so much more comfortable with myself and in my own skin knowing that so many men think im beautiful, sexy, cute, etc..  and ive been so so so so horny recently and i have no idea why, maybe its because i now have access to lots of people to fuck lmao. Yk its rlly cathartic to type out my thoughts to no one in particular. Its rlly nice to finaally let my brain decompress and to feel like im not holding all of my thoughts in. also lowkey i feel like i need to write down my thoughts to create proof that they actually happened. I have issues with derealization and stuff lol.

On another note, im failing at least one of my classes loL i love depression. I literally didnt get out of bed until 4:30 today :///// it makes me feel even worse bc my sibling and also my friend always ttry to encourage me to get up and go to class but it doesnt work and i know that im letting them down but theres nothing i can do about that at this point. I want to give up. I keep thinking about killing myself but for some reason i havent done it yet and im getting so frustrated. The longer i put it off the worse everything gets and i wish thatt i knew why i havent done it but its really hard for me to do anything. Mayve im feeling guilty about hurting people ? maybe i want something out of this life? Idk. but i cant continue like i am rn. I cant function like a human being, i cant kill myself. Im in such a predicament. How to end my life without actualy dying lol.