#“aw great the comedian has been activated”

[auronstory]

Favorite character dynamics: —Auron and Yuna

[schadenfreudich]

Hi!! I come to you since you're my dearest German mutual, and I've been learning German since 2020 and well, I can learn grammar and vocabulary but I wanna find more german (real german, not just textbook german yk) content to listen to and become more fluid!! I'm guessing you might know stuff like music and youtube channels and maybe podcasts and that sort of stuff-? It'd be very helpful! Thanks in advance :3

This is so much, especially music. We just listen to a lot of german music a wide variety. Sorry or you're welcome

Youtubers:

coldmirror: one of the longest existing youtubers, comedy

Spacefrogs: mostly political humor

Iblali: hasn't really been active on that channel but at least was funny

Hand of Blood: comedy and gaming, and weird costumes

Zeo: comedy, mostly speaks in understable german, mostly (Chill deine Basics has a character who speaks in a thick Bavarian accent)

der Heider: haven't actually watched him in a while, also thick Bavarian accent sometines

Klengan: talks about stuff happening on youtube, mostly, last video I remember was about Jeremy Fragrance

Tommy Toalingling: gay, as in he makes a lot of videos about queer topics, also he's gay (this could be helpful if you want to know more about queer terms in german)

Kegy: comedy and also I keep referencing him and no one gets it, also hasn't uploaded in 4 years

Malternativ: in case you want to listen to a german man scream about annoying things (he's funny, I promise)

MiiMii: really hard to describe, weird drawings

Rob Bubble: politic humor, Anti-Webvideopreis (for the worst video of the year)

Podcasts:

Brainpain (by Heider and Klengan)

einer von den Guten (having actually listened to that one, but Zeo is one of them. so it can't be bad)

nicht mehr ganz Twitter (also includes Zeo and the guy who did Iblali)

Lästerschwestern (by Rob Bubble)

I really don't listen to a lot of podcasts, but those exist and the people aren't awful in other media)

Not a podcast, but an audiobook:

Känguru-Chroniken: have you ever wanted to listen to a story about a communist kangaroo and an anarchist artist? Because this is that. It's really funny.

Music:

Comedian Harmonists: you should definitely listen to "mein kleiner grüner Kaktus" at least once. They're old and made what wikipedia calls "volkstümliche Musik"

Cro: rap/pop kinda music, I recommend "Einmal um die Welt" and "Bye Bye"

die Ärzte: punk band, have themes such as death, kink, random gay lines and anti-fascism. I recommend "Junge" and "M&F", just because they're like the most popular songs. But if you want to listen to a weirder song, I'd suggest "meine Ex(plodierte Freundin)", way too happy for the fact that he's talking about his girlfriend exploding.

Die Prinzen: A cappella, "alles nur geklaut" is very popular and the funniest song to get cover

Die toten Hosen: punk band, our syskids really like "Walkampf", maybe a little too much. "Tage wie diese" and "Altes Fieber" are quite popular. Also "zehn kleine Jägermeister", just be aware the source of "zehn kleine [word]" is racist, if you choose to look that up, not this song, just the original one.

EAV (Erste Allgemeine Verunsicherung): they were an Austrian punk band, so if some words are confusing, that might just be because they're Austrian. Also "Ba-Ba Banküberfall", because it's really funny.

Falco: also Austrian, Neue Deutsche Welle, you should listen to "Rock me, Amadeus", "Egoist", "Dance Mephisto" and actually basically every song. We just really like Falco.

Glasperlenspiel: electro-pop, "geiles Leben" and "Echt" are really great, also "Traumtänzer" and "Legoschloss"

Haggefugg: medieval rock, "Daheim" and "Märchenwald"

Heldmaschine: industrial metal, sound similar to Rammstein (they have a song about that)

Herbert Grönemeyer: rock(?) singer, I recommend "Männer" and "Kinder an die Macht", also "etwas warmes" (that one's gay)

LaBrassBanda: So Bavarian they were Lederhosen in every picture, but they have an entire album they recorded in a cow barn, so I had to mention them

Mark Forster: pop, very popular, "Au Revoir" (and on that note, Sido, I guess) and "Chöre" are great

Max Giesinger: pop, "Wenn sie tanzt" is very nice

Megaherz: Neue Deutsche Härte, they have a cover of "Rock me Amadeus", and also "Schwarz = Religion" is great

Musica Immortalis: medieval music, I saw them in person, they only have 60 monthly listeners on spotify but they are so so good. Like, "Kraken" and "der Sturm", wonderful.

OOMPH!: one of the first bands under Neue Deutsche Härte, there is so much, so I'll recommend albums this time. "Des Wahnsinns Fette Beute", multiple queer songs, crossdressing, being scared of your own homosexuality and public gay sex with a sailor. Also one song about suicide. "Ritual", a lot of pain and suffering, also a song titled "TRRR - FCKN - HTLR", which does include the line "terror, ficken, Hitler" being shouted multiple times.

Reis Against The Spülmaschine: parodies, also only three songs but they're incredibly funny

Schattenmann: Neue Deutsche Härte, some quite explicitly sexual songs, but they're good. Like "Choleriker", which isn't about sex but is about violence and anger issues

Tanzwut: Neue Deutsche Härte but also medieval

The toten Crackhuren im Kofferraum: punk, all women, great, wonderful, I recommend "ich und mein Pony" and "Punkrock hat mir das Herz gebrochen"

Voxxclub: also very Bavarian, it's great 👍

Nena: Neue Deutsche Welle, especially "99 Luftballons" and "Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann"

And this is more so specific songs that were a very formative experience when we were 12-15:

"ne Leiche" by SDP, Sido (yes, it's about a corpse)

"Willst du" by Alligatoah (sounds like a love song, but it's about drugs)

"Über den Wolken" by Reinhard Mey (this one is just nice)

"Monsta" by Culcha Candela (we call it the german monsterfucker song, because that woman is a literal monster and he's like "even better!")

"Major Tom (... völlig losgelöst)" by Peter Schilling (this one's sad)

"Die Da!?" by die Fantastischen Vier

"Nur ein Wort" by Wir sind Helden (just a love song)

"Stadt" by Cassandra Steen, Adel Tawil

"Perfekte Welle" by Juli

"Vom selben Stern" by Ich + Ich

"Skandal im Sperrbezirk" by Spider Murphy Gang (be aware it's about prostitues and the language is a little outdated, but the song is good)

I don't think I have to tell you about Rammstein, but also "Mann gegen Mann" is gay

[aeoki]

Number Eight - Take a Chance: Chapter 2

Characters: Rinne, HiMERU, Kohaku & Niki Location: Wasteland

TL Note:

In Japanese, the words for “bee / 蜂 / hachi” and “eight / 八 / hachi” are pronounced the same, although written differently.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< After the parachute landing. >

Niki: *Pant, wheeze…* Ugh, I thought I was a goner!

I made a complete mistake by being enticed by local specialties earlier!

I don’t wanna do that ever again unless I’m foraging for a rare plant that only grows on cliffs!

Kohaku: What do you mean by that?

Rinne: Alrighty, looks like everyone had a great time with the parachutes ☆

It’s finally time for our overseas shoot, “Number Eight”, to begin!

Kohaku: “Number Eight”?

Niki: The name sounds pretty trendy~ Did they use the word “eight” because it sounds like “bee” in Japanese[⁎]? Is that why they called us for the show? 

HiMERU: HiMERU has heard of it before.

It was a popular travel show in the past, wasn’t it?

It was a show where you throw a special dice and follow the instructions depending on which number you roll while aiming for the finish line.

I’d heard the show was cancelled because it was too extreme and the participants started dropping out. Has it been revived?

Rinne: As expected of ya, Merumeru. Unlike someone whose brain is full of nothing but food, you’re pretty knowledgeable ☆

Niki: Hey, you’re referring to me, aren’t you?

Rinne: Hmm~? You’re just being overly self-conscious.

Anyway, putting Niki aside…

The old producers saw our performance in “The Minotaur’s Labyrinth” and decided to come to us with a work offer.

It’s a revived TV show that’s gonna be aired during prime time! We even get to go overseas for the shoot!

But we’ve gotta do everything the dice tells us to! We’ll be at the mercy of destiny…☆

So how about it? Sounds perfect for us, right?

HiMERU: Hmm. HiMERU has understood our situation.

The staff that boarded the helicopter with us didn’t follow suit.

The staff definitely did so in the past, but these handheld cameras are fairly advanced.

Kohaku: There’s a car over so I wonder if we’re supposed to take that. It’s parked in such a conspicuous place.

Rinne: …Hey, what’s that? That car doesn’t look like it should be here.

HiMERU: It’s very clearly an ES company car.

Rinne: There’s better cars suited for this place, right? Like a convertible with a steering wheel on the left!

Niki: Honestly, it sticks out like a sore thumb in a place like this.

HiMERU: Look, there are several cameras installed inside the car. They must be telling us to take the car and continue with the show.

There’s even a spare change of clothing… along with our practice clothes. How much have they prepared for us?

The dice is the show’s symbol but I don’t see one anywhere. Perhaps they want us to use the app installed in the tablet that’s in the car.

Niki: Yeah. We can only open a special app on it.

Kohaku: Come to think of it, we gave our phones and wallets to the staff when we left Japan.

Which means we can’t use a digital map during “Number Eight”.

HiMERU: It was a show that centred around travelling without a map, after all. They must have made some changes to reflect the modern times.

But “Number Eight” was originally a variety TV show that showed comedians going through cruel activities.

Hopefully, the ridiculous things that were written on each dice face have been rewritten in compliance with the current era.

Niki: Comp…? Konbu? Seaweed? That sounds like the name for a new type of seasoning.

HiMERU: It refers to the laws and regulations. It would put a damper on things if the punishments were far too extreme.

Even if it’s legally allowed, it'd still be personally preferred if the show went easy on us.

Rinne: Well, they should have all that stuff sorted out.

Enough talking. Let’s roll this dice.

Niki: Good idea. I’m starting to get hungry so I wanna get moving.

Who’s gonna roll it first? I’ll do it if no one wants to.

Rinne: Hmm, it’d be awful if I rolled something bad and Niki got even more angry.

Take responsibility for ya own actions! So do the honours~

Niki: Okay, just leave it to me…♪

The first roll is… this!

HiMERU: “Have lunch at a local restaurant.” Hmm, perhaps your wish was heard, Shiina, but it appears our first roll was rather appropriate.

Let’s start the car and head into town.

Rinne: Alrighty, just leave the driving to me!

I got an overseas licence so that I could hit up the casinos anytime ♪

Niki: You’ve got nothing but gambling on your mind, huh.

Rinne: What~? That’s the last thing I wanna hear from you, Niki-kyun.

Are you sure you wanna oppose me? I’m the only one with a licence, ya know? If you wanna walk on foot, then be my guest~

Niki: N–No! That’s not what I meant at all!

Grrr. I can’t believe the tables have turned on me! I knew I should’ve thought things through before agreeing to do this…!

Rinne: Huuh? You say somethin’, Niki~?

Let’s get a move-on if you’ve got no complaints. Our first mission is to “have lunch”!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[vampireapple]

Human Navigators

The human navigation crew shares one (1) brain cell, and its usually left in the locker.

.  .  .  .

“You are so wrong, James.”

“Shut up, Steve, this is absolutely the right way!”

“Are you flipping blind? This away is clearly superior!”

“No, you’re just being stupid!”

The captain stood behind his two navigators, waiting for them to notice him. They did not, too engrossed in their squabble. “Athem.”

Both men jumped to their feet and stood at attention. “Sir!”

“Would either of you mind telling me what is going on?”

“James thinks-”

“-which is wrong-”

“-would take waaay too-”

“-frankly just circles-”

“Stop!”

Both men jumped.

“What are you arguing about?”

The humans pointed at each other. “He wants to go the wrong way.”

“… why can’t you use the ship’s navigation system?”

The captain jumped when both humans glared at him. Subordinates should not be glaring at their captain, he thought weakly. Human glares were scary.

Steve spoke first. “We don’t need the Nav.”

“We’ll figure it out, sir, don’t worry,” James said.

The captain stared at them. “But, the navigational syst-”

“Its garbage,” Steve retorted.

“We know a better way,” James assured.

“We’re just disagreeing on which way.”

The two started to bicker again.

“Just make sure arrive at port in time,” the captain desperately tried to interject.

The humans assured him they would, before dissolving into petty insults.

The ship did arrive at the correct space station, right on time.

.  .  .  .

“Russ, the navigation system says to stay on this road!”

“I know a short cut!”

“NO!”

“Uh, yeah, I totally know a short cut.”

“No short cuts!”

“What? Why?”

“The last ‘short cut’ you took only saved us two minutes and you nearly bottom out the vehicle! And-”

“Worth it-”

“-the time before that you blew out a tire and we arrived five minutes late-”

“If the tire hadn’t-”

“-and the time before that you saw that creepy roadside stand and got food poisoning!”

“What’s your point?”

“No short cuts!”

“Aw, c’mon, its an adventure!”

“I don’t like adventure! I like predicable and dependable!”

“Dude, this is Earth. Adventure is practically a law.”

“Its not, I researched all laws-”

THUNK

“Oops, you okay buddy? Didn’t realize that pothole was so deep. Hope you didn’t hit your head too hard.”

“…I want to go home.”

“‘Go big or go home!’ That’s the spirit!”

crying

.  .  .  .

Ker glared at the traffic jam as if he could make it move through sheer force of will. His antennas twitched as he fought the urge to glare at his human companion. “If the navigation system had been activated, we would not been able to avoid this.”

Jack tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, seeming not overly bothered. “I know where I’m going. Why do I need the GPS?”

“To avoid situations like this!”

“Eh, we can get off at the next exit, and it’ll be fine.”

“We haven’t moved in seven minutes and the exit is 1.5 miles away!”

“Aw, buddy, it’ll be okay! I know what will cheer you up! Let’s listen to my favorite album from this great comedian-”

.  .  .  .

The first mate received a notification that the ship’s navigation system had been turned off. Concerned, she went to the navigation area of the command deck. “Lt. Chrispian, the navigation system has been turned off.”

Chrispian looked up at her and nodded. “Yes ma’am. I turned it off.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Its wrong.”

The first mate blinked, thrown off. “It malfunctioned? Have you put in a work order?”

“Oh, no, no. Its not broken, its wrong.”

“… wrong?”

“Yes ma’am.” Chrispian pulled up a map on the screen. “See, it wants me to go that way, but that way is stupid, so we’re not doing that. Instead, we’re going this route. Much better.”

Much better. The ship’s navigation system was cutting edge, developed by some of the best minds in the universe, and this human thought his way was much better?

She left to raise her concerns with the captain.

His ears flicked back and his tail twitched. “Is this your first journey with a human navigator?”

“Yes sir.”

The captain signed. “Just… let Lt. Chrispian work. As illogical as it is… humans are just like that. Lt. Chrispian has a perfect record. Thus... allowances are made.” He took in the expression of his first mate and sighed again. “Trust me, it will be okay.”

“I trust you, Captain.”

That trust was not misplaced. The ship arrived a day early, and missed a meteor shower on the original route.

[itsclydebitches]

Honest question. Why is cancel culture bad? Like I'm seeing people defend Dave Chapelle or just not care about the shitty things he said. As a transwomen he can fuck right off. Why do we tolerate comedians or anyone famous saying shitty things? Like you have influence over tons of people. If you're going to use that power to say ignorant harmful stuff then step the fuck aside until you can be a better influence. Famous people need to be better because they have mass influence.

Hey, anon!

So this is a pretty complicated topic and I’m going to attempt to explain my own viewpoint with the understanding that it… might not be the most coherent post I’ve ever written lol. Basically though, I think the main takeaway here is that “cancel culture” is not the same thing as “criticizing someone for saying horrible things.” It’s not the same thing as a boycott. It’s not the same thing as activism. Cancel culture is a very particular, mob mentality response that ultimately just makes everything worse and it’s this response that people are pointing to when they say, “cancel culture is bad.” So, what are the problems with cancel culture?

First, it doesn’t allow for any gray areas. Admittedly, that may not seem like much of a problem when we’re talking about something as awful as a celebrity being transphobic. (And for the record, I’m not on the up-and-up about everything Chapelle has said lately, so all these examples are generalized, not geared towards his situation.) It’s easy to go, “How can you think there’s any gray area when it comes to racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/etc.?” but the point here is that cancel culture doesn’t discriminate between the legitimately heinous rhetoric that a long-standing celebrity has been spouting for years, and the ignorant comment made by the up-and-coming influencer they legitimately didn’t know was a problem. Or the patterns of behavior someone now knows is wrong, but needs time to unlearn. Or the moment when they were at their lowest, made a mistake, and now that is forever immortalized via social media, brought up again and again as a way to perpetually shame them. Under cancel culture, every act is equalized as The Worst Thing Ever even though, in reality, most situations are not equal. The transphobe deliberately trying to influence their massive audience is not the same thing as an older celebrity not knowing the latest terminology and mistakenly insulting a group. But through cancel culture, each individual’s tweets will be screenshotted, passed around, and used as evidence for how horrible they are—with those trying to provide the context of the latter example ("It really was an innocent mistake in this case") are easily drowned out by the crowd.

Similarly, cancel culture doesn’t allow for any change. It’s right there in the name: you’re cancelled. It’s a final thing. Once you’ve done the Bad Thing, that’s it, you’re done. It doesn’t allow for education, improvement, apologies, or absolution, even though most people will say that’s precisely what they’re looking for. To provide a small example, recently in the RWBY fandom an artist made a modern, real life AU where the webseries’ characters were reimagined as actors. She ended up leaving out one character’s prosthetic arm, referring to it as a “prop” in this AU. Getting a great deal of backlash for that, she apologized, explained her ignorance, and took action by fixing the art. She did everything she should have, yeah? Personally, I was thrilled to see someone listening, apologizing, and taking action to demonstrate the importance of what they've now learned. That's great! Exactly the sort of improvement we want to see in the world. Except twitter was filled with people saying that she hadn't apologized enough, that they can’t trust her now, that she’s only saying this to avoid the bad PR, etc. Cancel culture breeds the idea that change isn’t possible, even while we paradoxically call for it, which means that, under this mentality, we’ll never see improvement. People aren’t allowed to come back from being cancelled, which not only continues to alienate those who are working to be better, but likewise “justifies” those who aren’t. “See, they don’t really care about you,” the bigot says, pointing to how it’s impossible to come back from making a mistake (which, being human, is inevitable). “Why bother? You did everything they told you to and it still wasn’t enough, so just.... continue being an asshole.”

And to clarify that, this doesn’t mean that those hurt from this behavior, as individuals, need to forgive the celebrity in question. Once someone acts in that way—deliberately or not—each person is, of course, allowed to continue not liking them, not engaging with their products, being personally wary of their interests. Rather, I’m talking about the collective behavior of continually insisting to others that change is not possible, or not to be trusted. There’s a big difference between someone going, “Yeah, I’m glad they’ve educated themselves, but I personally can’t enjoy their content after everything they’ve said” and someone making posts reminding the community at large that this person did a Bad Thing and you should all refrain from engaging with them, no matter how long ago that was, what’s happened since then, the context of the situation, the fact that they apologized, whatever.

Which brings me to the fact that cancel culture, ultimately, becomes a way to punish peers, not the celebrity in question. “If you're going to use that power to say ignorant harmful stuff then step the fuck aside until you can be a better influence” is fantastic advice, but the sad reality is that most celebrities are not going to take it. That reality (hard as it is to hear) is that we have very little, practical influence on people who have achieved that level of fame, wealth, and notoriety. Yes, we can boycott their content, try to shame them into changing, warn others about what they’re done… but there's only so much we can truly accomplish through those means, especially when it comes to celebrities immersed in our culture. JKR remains an easy example. We’d like to believe that sending her a heartfelt tweet about the harm she's caused will be the catalyst that makes her realize how horrific her views are, but the reality is she’s a millionaire entrenched in global culture and we’re strangers she can block with a single click. It’s hard as hell to educate the people in your everyday life who have some incentive (like loving you) to unlearn that level of bias—many, many queer people will know this struggle—now imagine trying to do that work over social media to someone who only knows we exist as an abstract concept. "The fans." The result of all this is that those fans, frustrated and feeling powerless, turn to policing their own community instead. If they can’t have an impact on the celebrity themselves, if JKR won't change, they’ll try to impact the people closer to them—and remember, what they’re trying to accomplish is coming from that black and white, “I’m right and you’re wrong” viewpoint. The idea isn't to provide the community with a nuanced look into how JKR fell into these beliefs and how others can avoid the same trap (people are not born transphobic, they learn that shit), it's about telling the community that she was always Evil, we're Not Evil, except if you do anything we don't like you will be deemed Evil very, very quickly. That’s how we end up with fans tearing into one another for daring to still engage with this content, still finding any joy in it, forgiving a celebrity when someone else hasn't been able to yet… everything but criticizing the celebrity themselves anymore. In the last couple of years, I’ve seen more think pieces about how other fans are the devil for still enjoying parts of Harry Potter than I’ve seen pieces about JKR’s own transphobia. Cancel culture warps blame, simply by virtue of everyone wanting to (understandably) change a not easily changed situation. Cancel culture is far more likely to punish the trans person for watching the Harry Potter movies on their down time than it is to punish the actual transphobe. And, as already established, punishment here is both ineffective and, at a certain point, unnecessary. Obviously, I’m no longer speaking about JKR whose beliefs are deep and her harm incredibly wide-reaching. I’m talking about the celebrity who said something questionable in an interview once, has made major strides since then, but every couple months something brings the clip back to remind everyone, “You’re not allowed to like them and if you do like them (or something they produced, something they were in, something they made long before any of this came out, etc.) I’ll put all my attention towards making you pay for that.”

Now, take all this and add it to the fact that cancel culture is never really about explaining to someone why their views are harmful in the hope that you will improve the world a little bit. It’s about suicide baiting. Doxing. Threatening their friends and family. Saying such horrific things that everyone else reading it learns, “Okay, so when someone does something I think is wrong I can just tell them to go get gang raped. That’s a completely acceptable response to any situation and in no way reflects my own bigoted views.” If cancel culture actually meant educating someone, systematically boycotting works to show associated creators such views won't be tolerated, leaning into various forms of activism to combat that hate, or even just saying, “I will not support them so long as they forward this rhetoric” on a large scale… we wouldn’t be having this conversation. The point is that cancel culture isn’t any of those things. It’s a black and white mob mentality that feeds into the worst parts of online culture and the result is almost never what people hope will occur (getting the celebrity to stop), but instead just harms a lot of innocents caught up in the mess. To say nothing of the mental health of the person participating in cancel culture to begin with. It’s overwhelming to be confronted with thousands of voices denouncing a single individual, detailing their every fault, laying out all the new (ever changing, contradictory) rules for how everyone else can appropriately talk about them. Cancel culture isn’t just about how the celebrity is acting inappropriately, it’s arguably more about how everyone else is acting too. The moment you join in, your own blog, feed, life is under scrutiny to ensure you’re “correctly” responding to the situation. The moment you slip up and say something the mob doesn’t like, you’re the one being cancelled.

Cancel culture is bullying at its most extreme, it’s never confined to its original target, it thrives on black and white thinking, accepting accusations without doing your own research, and it doesn’t achieve any of the things people hope it will. It is, ultimately, about dominating and feeling superior, not educating and protecting vulnerable minorities. By all means, still boycott celebrities who you believe have done wrong, or write posts explaining the harm you see in their behavior, but cancel culture is a very particular, wide-spread phenomenon wherein the type and extent of public shaming does far more harm than good. People need to be held accountable for their actions, absolutely, but that’s not a good way to go about it.

[natromanxoff]

25 - Just Chatting...

Hello one and all.

It's been a long time since I graced these pages and, believe it or not, nothing much has been happening in my life, apart from the odd soiree or two. Winter has finally left us and spring has sprung, and it's nice to see the sun again. Let's start by wishing my old mate a happy birthday and I hope you all had a little drinkie for him, I know I did. In fact I got legless, he would have been proud of me. Whenever we were in London there was always a party at Fred's on his birthday, be it a handful of friends, or one where he invited half of Britain, but which ever one it was there was always a good time to be had and a lot of chaos. One year he actually took over Pikes Hotel in Ibiza and chartered a private plane to fly his friends in. Roger and myself were already on the island recording some of his solo stuff so we didn't have far to travel to the bash. When I say we were working, it's kind of true as we spent a lot of time on his boat "Ga Ga" whizzing around having lunch and fun. The party was held outside around the swimming pool, now is that an invite for trouble or what? There were hundreds of balloons hanging from every available fixture, and of course there is always an idiot that thinks he's a clown. This particular clown, who will remain nameless, decided it would be funny to light one of the balloons, and needless to say the whole lot went up in flames. Phoebe and Crystal to the rescue. We had to get this "fire" off the wooden rafters before the whole hotel went up in smoke, so we were pulling bits of string while burning rubber was dripping down on us. I was so traumatised by the whole event I had to have another drink ....... a lame excuse I know, but hey, it's my story. Back to the pool. Edwin Shirley, of trucking fame and also an all round good guy after a few too many, decided to have a swim, so he removed his clothing and was flapping around the pool when some daft countess told him to get dressed and behave himself. Wrong move lady. Edwin was not impressed by his telling off and threw her in, and she was even less impressed with that and started ranting and raving, much to the amusement to the rest of the party hounds. She left with her tail between her legs and didn't look at all glamorous in her soaking wet dress, running makeup and failed hairdo. We continued till mid morning and went straight to the airport and caught a flight home. Thanks F for the great parties and good times, you will never be forgotten.

I still get asked a lot if I'm gonna write the "Real" story about Queen. Well the answer is no, and the reason is that the guys gave me a great job and a great life and I have far to much respect for them, their wives/girlfriends, children and families to tell the world what we got up to in private. I feel that is our business and ours alone. Most of us are all in relationships and telling tales could make life awkward for a few people, band and crew alike. I'm sure at some point in time someone from the organisation will write a book, have 5 minutes of fame and make a quick buck, but it sure as hell won't be me, and I'll still be able to sleep at night and when I see the guys I will still be free to say, "Wanna beer MATE."

I've had a few questions asked me that I'm gonna answer quickly.

First off is "Do you have any stories about Freddies cats? (ripping furniture etc.)" Here's a good reply, No. So moving right along, "Of all the famous people you've met, who impressed you the most?" Tricky one this. After years in this "Biz" they all become "Just normal people," and some become good pals, but on one occasion I was in Paul McCartneys studio and I was handed his violin bass and I was sitting there holding it when someone said, "Paul is left handed, hold it like he would." When I turned it around, still taped in the cutout was the Beatles set list from their days in Hamburg, now that impressed me.

Deaky and myself were the only two reggae lovers in the outfit, and Bob Marley turned up to see the show at Madison Square Gardens. Strange choice of show for Bob, but he loved Another one bites the dust, and he happened to be in New York on a stopover on his way to Germany for laser treatment. Show time and our intro tape was playing, and someone told JD that Bob was in the audience, so he cranked his bass up and played "Lively up yourself" over the tape. This was very possibly the last time Marley ever heard this played as he died shortly after. I didn't get to meet him, but I did get to meet Tyrone Downie, Bobs keyboard player in the Wailers, and Tyrone and myself got up to all sorts of mischief that night. RT on the other hand hates reggae music, but I did manage to drag him to the Circus Krone in Munich to see Peter Tosh. I loved it, he hated it. I look at this as payback because years before he insisted that I went to Hammersmith Odeon to see Laurie Anderson, of O Superman fame. This show he loved, but I put it alongside Cher as one of the worst concerts I have ever seen. Needless to say I have also met a couple of stars that I didn't see eye to eye with. Like the American rock star we encountered in a club one night, and he was such a pain I had to take him into the toilets to have a quiet word with him. He finally got the message so I released my hand from around his neck and let him drop back down to the ground. To finish this segment I wanna tell you something that Bev Bevan said. Bev was the drummer with ELO, and them and us were touring the US at the same time, and as it turned out, staying in the same hotel in one city. Roger and myself were leaving the hotel and waiting for the elevator. When the doors opened Bev was in there and him and RT said their hellos. Rog then said, "Bev, this is Crystal, he looks after me." Bev turned to me, shook my hand and said, "Pleased to meet you. If it wasn't for guys like you, guys like us wouldn't be where we are today." He didn't need to say that, and was genuine when he did. I wasn't impressed with meeting him, but he is certainly in my top ten of nicest people I have ever meet.

Over the last few months I've spent a lot of time in the Chatroom, and I highly recommend it to you all as it can be a bit of a laugh. For anyone who has never visited the room please remember a couple of things, if you come in and start swearing you will be kicked out. I know, it happens to me all the time. Also don't come in and start going on about knowing axemen and murderers and other such garbage, cause that also warrants a kicking. Some buffoon from Ireland, who went by the name of "Death" turned up with an attitude and was going on about how f***ing awesome Queen were at Slane Castle. He was not known by anyone in there so I asked him to watch his language. He said he was the Grim Reaper and could do and say what he liked, so I told him otherwise and he was most put out when I kicked him. What a fool. A while ago there was some prat who called himself F***queen, good name eh! Anyway, he/she/it was picking on a lovely young lady called Raisa, and was saying some awful things to her and completely freaked her out, so I went to her defence and FQ turned the attention my way. As far as I'm concerned it's only letters on a screen and it didn't phase me at all, but at least he/she/it gave up on Raisa. In all fairness to FQ, whoever you may be, he/she left a message on the Bulletin Board saying sorry to Raisa and myself and would never do it again. So FQ, from the both of us, thanks for the apology, we accept it. What other weirdos have we had? Well, there was a brightspark who decided it would be funny to use the nickname QueenRshite, another bad move from this person who was honoured with a ban.

While in there I've seen a lot of friendships made, and a couple that have fallen apart. I got a private message one evening from a very drunk girl who, how shall we phrase this, offered me her body and wanted to do all sorts of naughty things to me, I thanked her and declined...must be getting old or something. I have also witnessed relationships being made and, usually there is a lot of humour involved, but needless to say some arguments do occur. I have also seen some of the daftest things said. One guy was so convinced that one of the regulars was either Deaky or she was chatting with him in private that he actually started tracking her every move on the net. He also told me about some highly illegal activities he was up to concerning the band. I wouldn't have thought I was the best person to tell such stuff to, and needless to say I had a go at him. Just to add to his stupidity he's been recently boasting about his affair with an underage girl, and I reckon if he had any more sense he would be half witted. Having mentioned all the twits I'd like to say a quick hello to all the regulars, White Queen and Killer Queen, the lovely girls Blue Rock and Rannnnnnni, SQJan, Mayflower and her boys, Farookh (aka Leroy Brown) MarshMallow, the three Tigers - Babe, Lily and Stripes and the mighty Falc, also to all the rest who I haven't mentioned by name, you know who you are. I'd also like to say hi to Daddy Cool who is the singer in the Dutch cover band Miracle, and Dad, if you never make it as a singer you could make a great career from being a stand up comedian. Finally an extra special hello to the gorgeous MTB, who is about to make an honest man of me ;)

Before I go I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone of a certain date in November that is engraved in all of our minds. And I know that a lot of you will be heading to Garden Lodge to leave flowers. I don't wanna preach and tell you what to do, and I know flowers are a nice gesture, but they do die and the only people to really benefit from this is the florist. This year lets all give a donation, no matter how small, to Aids research, this way the cash will be used to try and stamp out this awful disease. If you really wanna leave flowers, buy a smaller, cheaper bunch and donate the balance of what you would have spent to these charities. It's been said a million times before but it is true, Every penny counts.

As always, Loadsa Love.

Crystal

[billpottsismygf]

Okay, so that was an episode. I'm still feeling shook from the "special announcement", but I liked that. I wouldn't say I loved it necessarily, but it feels like one that will grow on me.

I will say I was quite disappointed that the Doctor got out of prison so quickly and so easily. All the promotion implied she'd be in there for the majority of the episode, and I found it a bit underwhelming that Jack just broke her out without even breaking a sweat. I was thinking we'd see a lot of the Doctor introspecting and monologuing, perhaps a little like Heaven Sent, and instead that just got completely undercut.

Since I've mentioned Jack, god I love him. It was wonderful to see him back. In some ways I feel like he was underutilised, but I can't really articulate why. Him being in prison for 19 years to rescue the Doctor doesn't get dealt with at all, nor really the Doctor's decades in prison. On that note, I loved that Yaz was angry with the Doctor for leaving them, but it stung that she didn't even ask how long it had been for the Doctor.

Speaking of Yaz, her consistent characterisation throughout her time on the show has been that she completely idolises the Doctor. She's the best thing that ever happened to her, the best person ever, and I was only thinking last night how much I really want to see the pitfalls of that explored. We definitely got that a little bit in this episode. The companions all being unnerved by Jack's casual mention of his deaths and Rose's exile in the parallel universe was good, as was the justified anger and hurt. I also really liked Jack's conversation with Yaz about how it hurts after the Doctor has left, but I'm not sure it was explored enough.

Obviously I don't know where the show is going after this, but I really want to see Yaz's unhealthy idolisation dealt with. She doesn't necessarily have to become completely disillusioned, but idk I want to see it properly explored, which seems like it will be harder with a new companion aboard.

Speaking of John Bishop, he's a very interesting choice. I'm really intrigued to see where they go with his character. He started off as a stand up comedian, and I've greatly enjoyed his comedy, but when he branched out into serious acting, the little I've seen him in really impressed me. I'll be interested to see whether they go more comedic or serious with him - not that any character has to be only one of those things, but I don't get the impression he'll be a Nardole-like comic relief character.

Graham and Ryan's exit was fairly well done, especially Ryan's. It was a natural continuation of the doubts that were first voiced in Can You Hear Me, made worse by 10 months of living normally again. I loved him confronting the Doctor because she was once again trying to keep things from him. That's definitely been something missing in the current era, companions calling the Doctor out on their bullshit. I was hoping for some kind of Martha in Gridlock moment ("I'm not moving until you tell me the truth") and this was a nice way of doing that. I do like how much Ryan has clearly matured over his time in the show.

Graham's decision to leave with his grandson also makes perfect sense for his character, given that family and time with the people he loves are his character's primary driving force. I found the gifting of the psychic paper a little strange, though. She didn't hear them saying it would be handy earlier in the episode and no other companion has had it as a parting gift. It seems like Graham and Ryan are going to carry on fighting aliens freelance (Martha and Mickey style), travelling around the world to do it, but that doesn't make sense to me, given Ryan's desire for a normal life at home.

Oh also, Grace appearing at the end was really weird? It was obviously meant to be an emotional moment, but it was just bizarre that some sort of apparition appeared to both of them out of nowhere... What was meant to be happening? I don't think that worked at all. It's such a shame, as a reference to Grace could have been lovely, maybe Graham looking down at a frog necklace or something idk, but instead such a potentially moving moment fell completely flat.

God, I've written so much and I haven't even spoken about the Daleks once. They were cool, I guess. It was nice to our old pals the bronze Daleks again, I've missed them. The Doctor's plan to bring them to earth to kill off the impure ones was extremely reckless and honestly I can't quite believe her plan worked with as few consequences as it did.

There was a high body count in this episode. I liked Leo a lot and was genuinely sad when he got killed off. I definitely wasn't expecting the prime minister to get killed off so soon into her plan; I thought she was going to have a far more active role in the story. I also feel like the defence drones (just the AI, creature-less ones) didn't get explored properly for the horrifying concept that they are. They were used in that protest near the beginning, but the true horror of these tanks being deployed not only against protesters (already horrifying) but just out and about on the street etc. was completely overshadowed by the fact that the Daleks took control of them.

Honestly, I would have been more interested in the story if the creatures had never been cloned. The Doctor realises they are just AI designed by humans, but they're still awful and need to be stopped. Perhaps that would have worked better in a more sci-fi setting, because it wouldn't necessarily work for the Doctor to just bring down the UK government on modern day earth (then again, The Christmas Invasion...), but I still think that would have been a more compelling story and would have properly utilised this quite horrifying concept that does feel very real, prescient and possible in the current world.

I think those are my main thoughts for now, but I may think of other things at some point. A lot of this sounds quite negative, but I should say that I did have a great time during the episode, and I feel like I will enjoy it upon future watches. We shall see, though!

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back! Spoilers below!

I need to clarify that I watch Loki purely as an escape. I've got a biased perspective in that regard because I don’t actively try to find fault with the show, though there are definitely things I’m not so inclined to. This is more of what I noticed and think things mean and it’s something I’m doing for fun. Anyways, here's my thoughts on episode 2 my loves.

Episode 2: THE VARIANT

Pre-title scene

Miss Minutes’ monologue in the recap is different to the one last ep.

1985 Oshkosh, Wisconsin

C-20!

“Today’s guest performances” on a board. Don’t really know if it means anything tho.

The Iconic (TM) I Need A Hero scene.

Pony.

The green tent - the lair of Loki.

I know not everyone’s a fan of the lighting, but it made sense to me. They’re still in the dark about who Sylvie is.

Why does C-20 take off her helmet? For the drama?

I hope Sylvie cleaned her blade. Narnia taught me well.

The Time Samsung (I can’t remember what it’s called right now) says that the date’s 04/12/1985.

Loki’s first mission (?)

‘Volume 26’ - how many of these does Mobius have?? #giveMobiusajetski

“ONLY at your LOCAL AUTHORIZED DEALER” - subtext about the TVA being control freaks? Jet ski safety?

I googled Wake Magazine. They’re up to volume 20 from what I saw, whilst Loki is reading volume 26, so I guess that’s something

Loki and Miss Minutes lmaooo.

Behind Loki’s elbow is the taxidermy something from the last episode. Also confirms that Loki threatened Casey at Mobius’ desk lol.

The thing has an egg?? What the hell is Mobius collecting? (He’s a Harry Hart variant lmao).

There are little twitches in Miss Minnutes’ hands. That’s so cool!

The egg timer’s a nice easter egg (I’m a comedian).

Mobius! B-15! :)

Is it just me or do the minutemen look similar, but not exactly the same. Makes sense if they’re variants.

I just realised the lights are built into the ceiling. Whoops.

What’s Mobius’ favourite?

Couple of things:

The racks full of identical uniforms/ones just hung up on doors.

The music has started to pick up the pace, but not in the way we see later on in the episode.

There’s a sign saying ‘FARE THEE WELL’ on it. Google tells me that it’s ‘used to express good wishes on parting’. Dang that was some good foreshadowing!

The person that looks like Agatha is still present.

I wonder whether it was supposed to be colder or whether the weather was just like that when they filmed.

The pony’s still around.

I think B-15 certainty that “a Loki couldn’t have gotten the jump of C-20” comes from her experience with them. She constantly tries to make it clear that because she’s not a variant, she’d know Loki better than he would, which (personally) makes the revelation that she’s a variant feel more devastating.

Again with the lighting, they’re still in partial darkness, constantly moving in and out of the light. Whilst what Loki says about the variant setting a trap is true, it isn’t in the context that he says it. Sylvie whoops their asses later.

The black and red-orange flags remind me of tomb markers. It’s a stretch, ik.

B-15 only has tally marks on one side of her helmet.

Mobius has fake pockets in his suit jacket. They’re the worst.

The ticking increasing in tempo as they approach red line - great for setting up tension.

I believe that Loki uses personal space like a weapon - slowly approaching them from the front, and then going behind Mobius’ back when he wants his way. It would make anyone uncomfortable, especially on a subconscious level because there’s a threat behind you.

Or maybe it’s that I have different personal space boundaries, not everyone likes being approached from behind. Loki’s movement felt intentional at least.

Getting Mobius to physically turn his way because of that might have been very subtle manipulation?

Loki looking back and forth trying to judge their reactions lol.

I liked the music in this scene, it sets up tension for Loki’s first attempt at betraying Mobius but then doesn’t completely dismiss it when it’s resolved.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

The music here is 18 morceaux, Op. 72, No. 2. Berceuse. 18 morceaux, Op. 72: No. 2, Berceuse (Arr. For Theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore for anyone that’s curious. I found out through Natalie Holt’s Twitter (I think).

The score is, and always will be, perfection.

Mobius’ small talk amuses me.

“Why do you get to keep all the trophies from my cases in here, you don’t think I’d love having that roller skate?” Mobius, what about the thing on the shelf behind your desk????

Ravonna seems like she’s answered these questions before, but she has a fondness for him that makes me think they’re good friends.

Also does Ravonna have multiple complete collections of the Encyclopaedia Britannica in her office? What are those books??

“I hope it’s a double.” Me too Mobius, me too (drink responsibly).

I don’t get how people think Mobius doesn’t remember leaving the stains. It sounded like Ravonna was chiding him for a bad habit and Mobius just made up a remark, not confusion.

Although he does place the cup at a different spot to the rings.

The ship flying past in the windows is a wonderful detail.

“The variant likes to stall for time.” It's very satisfying to me how everything stays relevant. Every detail advances the plot/contributes to it.

“Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Yes you do.”

Both Mobius and Ravonna only look at the middle figure when referring to the time Keepers. Either the other two are side-lined or don’t contribute at all.

“I’ll delete him myself.” At this point in time, I think Mobius is serious. As the episode progresses, his status may have changed, especially after the Jet Ski philosophy session.

Ravonna’s sash on the peg reminds me of the ones the people talking to Casey were wearing in episode 1.

Man those doors are so cool.

Peak sitting outside the principal’s office energy.

Mobius whistles at Loki as opposed to talking to him like he does later.

Any screen shot from the following scene is pristine chaotic disaster bi Loki energy featuring tired-of-your-tomfoolery Mobius.

“Isn’t that precisely why I’m here?” This marked a change in Loki to me. Up until that point, he’d tried to use what he’d known, who he’d been by scheming his way to the Time Keepers. By admitting he wasn’t sure of his purpose, we’re back with the person at the end of the last episode. It’s very Loki to try all avenues to get what he wants, and after having his world turned upside-down a few times in a short period, maybe he just wanted the familiarity of his old tricks, who he thinks he is.

Loki tensing up and then trying to assert control again reaffirms what I just said.

Man, give Mobius a holiday after all of this. Loki really tested him, huh?

Loki definitely likes validation on some level.

TVA archives (a.k.a the Salad Scene)

I can’t believe that place really exists. The looks combined with the music are just *chef kisses*.

I’m not sure if I’m thinking of the right progression, but the music reminds me of a plagal cadence. Google examples and play it side-by-side, you’ll get what I mean, maybe someone knows what it really is?

On either side of the elevators near the Time Keeper statues are the signs TVA archives.

The symmetry pleases my goblin brain.

I believe the entire show was just flexing the skills of the Loki crew and I couldn’t be happier.

“Pretend your life depends on it. I’m gonna get a snack.” This was so funny in the trailers but Mobius is dead serious (delete him myself comment). And he couldn’t even enjoy his salad.

Love that the end of credits takes from some of the scenes in episode 2.

The archivist has neat glasses.

I want some TVA stationary y’all.

It’s that moment fam.

I can’t be the only one curious by the ‘DISPLACED by 000:000:002:162’. Is that in Units? It would explain why the time line looks slightly bendy whenever we see it, especially if Apocalypses are so frequent.

IT’S THE SALAD LADS!

Mobius is reading the magazine that Loki was looking at earlier. Jet skis are Mobius’ comfort character.

“Don’t set fire to the palace.”

Tom Hiddleston has so much energy, he can move so fast.

“Oh God.” - Mobius, Null Time Zone

“YOU.” - Casey, Null Time Zone

Casey!

No thoughts, head empty, the Salad (TM).

But seriously, people only seem to be at their tables with others that work in a similar section. Not hunters and analysts eating in tandem to me, folks.

Oh Casey. Please don’t hurt him.

Aw, Mobius’ little giggle warmed my heart. Owen Wilson’s giving me whiplash with Mobius. My heart can’t take this y’all.

79 AD Pompeii, Italy

They’re both so giddy, Your Honour, I love them.

Mobius snuck them out lol.

“Bird noises?”

“BE FREE MY HORNED FRIENDS, BE FREE!” The post wouldn’t be complete without this.

Loki just throwing food at people and telling them “...enjoy your last meal while you can” is top tier comedy to me.

This is the first time we see Loki openly say nothing matters. I feel like the case file on the destruction of Asgard really pushed him to treat fate as unchangeable.

LXXIX is 79. Nice one Loki crew!

Mobius’ eye twitching as he checks the variance is a nice touch.

Loki throws away the stick that was holding the goat pen closed at the end.

TVA Archives, TVA cafeteria

Mobius picked up those files so smoothly I had to re-watch it.

Their position reflected what they were talking about - when Loki thinks it’s his individual contribution, he’s walking separately to Mobius, but they meet up when working together. I loved the blocking in that little moment.

I seriously thought that Loki was unconscious when I first saw him asleep around Mobius. I’ll admit it, it felt out-of-character for someone with such bad trust issues. Both of them seem pretty tired tho.

It’s the Jet Ski conversation comrades!

I’m beaming. Mobius talking about Jet Skis was the only time I’ve really remembered it’s Owen Wilson talking. It’s such a fun line to think about!

Loki’s smile. Adorable.

Just go watch the scene, it’ll give you good brain juices.

Mobius does it all for the Jet Skis and nothing else. I don’t make the rules, the Time Keepers do.

“My own glorious purpose.” This is a recurring theme in the season. Ultimately, I think that Loki is going to run for as long as it brings in money/until Loki gets killed again. However, I do like to think that in following seasons we’ll move beyond setting up Phase 4 Marvel stuff and just get deep dives into Loki’s character, though it may happen in the later eps or not be as interesting. Part of what made this show so interesting is the new setting in the Marvel universe but it’s hard to make predictions as to whether it will last in a show featuring the God of Mischief. Whatever happens, I’m happy that we got to see Loki’s existential crisis together, lads.

The music picks up, signalling that this quiet moment is about to end.

“No one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is every truly good.”

“Scared little boy.”

These lines mean a lot to me. Loki perceives Mobius as an equal, similar to himself but not completely identical. The TVA’s whole aesthetic is Kafkaesque (Disney+ used that word), the imperfections keeping the place from looking mechanical and orderly like what the TVA promotes itself to be. Loki wants Mobius to acknowledge it, but Mobius is in the past, not addressing what’s right in front of him, surrounding him. That’s probably because Mobius doesn’t believe, he accepts what he’s been told though Loki wants to change that. He’s still focused on his job, the variant. I don’t think Mobius will struggle against change in the ‘belief’ part as long as things are rational.

Kate Herron (director) said that the Kablooie scene was improv which makes me wish we had more B roll of Owen and Tom. They seem so professional, invested and fun on set.

“No wonder you’re so bitter.” I’m sorry Mobius you sound as salty as your salad.

‘Artificially flavoured chewing gum’ Has something happened causing artificial flavouring to be preferred?

‘Blue’ has canonically changed to ‘Bloo’ by 2050 in America in the MCU. I blame capitalism.

Why does Mobius look so tiny? I say that like Owen Wilson wouldn’t look like a giant next to me lol.

Owen Wilson is 3.5 inches (9 centimetres) shorter than Tom Hiddleston. Yet he is dwarfed as Mobius. I need to stop talking about this and move on.

There’s no ‘variance energy detected’ line in the report.

“You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.” Loki looks so chuffed.

One day, I’ll properly address my thoughts on the shipping. Until then, I just want no one to die.

“Yeah, he’s doing great.” Mobius is so hyped. Good for him.

Owen Wilson has dimples.

Ravonna’s screen doesn’t show the timeline like it does later.

Ravonna is the done mom friend. Sane, undeserving of this, please give her a jet ski moment.

Buckle up folks because the last twenty minutes of this episode are my favourite so far.

At 34 minutes in, we get the music fading in with “Okay. But Mobius...” and a transition to my favourite composition so far. Natalie Holt outdid herself. The soundtrack is nearly constant, there’s no break for a moment of clarity anymore. The progression of events is inevitable, tying the bow on a plot line created in an hour and a half. The little embellishment from the strings (possibly) as Mobius and Loki exit is perfect. Combined with Loki’s raised fist leading to a pan to the ceiling, it prepared the audience for everything being turned upside down.

The changing camera angles and shot lengths (the continuous shot when B-15 takes the knives, the circling behind as the briefing occurs) keep viewers on their toes. The continuous shot is fluid, B-15 doesn’t look at Loki or Mobius, her reaction is natural and that just proves that the timing on that scene was impeccable. The circling behind reminded me of Loki positioning himself behind Mobius as he did earlier, but now he’s on the same side, part of the team though he continues to distinguish between himself and the variant. The building sensation that change is coming is met by the incredible swell in the music as we watch the picturesque Haven Hills get destroyed by modern technology and face the terrifying reality that is the Roxxcart store. There’s a close up on the Roxxcart storefront with school buses with the words ‘Evacuation shuttle’ in the background as we see the TVA’s minutemen come out reinforcing that even when the end is nigh, large corporations will loom over. A storm is raging with worse to come. I can go on and on, but you get the point.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I love that y’all are calling this the Alabama supermarket breakup. Makes me chuckle, that’s for sure.

I too hate when people can hear my footsteps. Someone that gets the struggle.

Sylvie places the TVA Samsung over a Roxxcart Security manual. She’s overridden both and is in control.

The date is 03/15/2050.

I think that the way the Hunters and minutemen hold their baton things is so that they don’t get yeeted. Neat.

As always, the beats are slick yo.

I hope the Azaleas guy gets some Azaleas wherever he ended up.

I love the way Loki says “In this storm.” It’s so satisfying for no real reason.

The wonderful Wunmi Mosaku does not get the recognition she deserves for this scene. She switched from B-15 to Sylvie so effortlessly. They’re two distinct characters, her facial expressions, body language everything changed in that instant. Even from the one line, “No, they usually survive,” her delivery had changed in a way that was noticeable. It’s uncanny, exactly what was needed when facing a foe that remained unseen. And the smile? It’s before we know the variant as Sylvie, so naturally it’s that signature Loki smile with a hint of malice we associate with the variant. Damn y’all, Wunmi’s incredible! I really hope she’s recognised for being so talented in this series, if not in all her other work!

Mobius really cares about those people. I really want his redemption (?) arc.

It’s been pointed out that even in those conditions, Roxxcart were selling blankets and water. I think it means that by 2050, cash would be defunct. If only electronic payment existed, as long as there’s electricity they can run a business. Chew on that.

If the man they speak to is 50 to 60, he was a 90s kid.

There must be a difference in the reprogramming or kind of variant selected to be a hunter as compared to an analyst. The Hunters look after their own, but the analysts (or Mobius) go as far as empathising with variants.

C-20 is sitting in front of safety standards.

“A bit amateurish.” Loki knows that the variant isn’t as skilled with magic as he is.

As Loki and the possessed people walk, the lighting becomes brighter. He’s moving out of the shadows.

Me too Loki, I’m worried about B-15 too.

Sylvie unironically saying bless is hilarious.

Randy must be hella tall.

There’s a low angle shot as Loki and Randy face off with the flickering light above with a sign hanging above them like a sword of Damocles and a physical separation. Terror is nearly constant in Loki's life now, but he responds by letting go of his drive to survive.

The subtle swells in the music just add to my rising blood pressure.

C-20’s voice over is sad lads.

“I wanna go home,” we know she’s not referring to the TVA.

Mobius seems like a caring person.

When B-15 sits up and searches the room, I think it’s her realisation. Her shiver was from fear and shock, the music wasn’t about her not seeing Loki, it was about the TVA and what had happened to her.

The head snap and the score timing matching. So satisfying.

“I would never treat me like this. Hi.” I think that’s Loki realising that his foe is not willing to talk their way through conflict.

This fight scene contradicts all the magic we see later ik, but if he didn’t want to hurt anyone and was trying to draw out the real enemy it made sense.

Some of Sylvie’s powers must come into the people she possesses. The guy punched a glass screen and didn’t even bleed.

“I have shit to do.” Sylvie wasn’t raised with court etiquette (from what we know) and her lexical choice reflects that.

Dell computers survive into 2050 in the MCU. So do those robot dogs and Roombas. I am only happy about the Roombas. Where did the real dogs go? :(

“Mobius.”

“Where is he?”

“I lost him.”

“What happened?”

“I...”

Until now, B-15’s delivery has felt slightly rhythmic, like she was used to having the same arguments, particularly with Mobius. When she trails off however, I think it’s her trying to rationalise what she’s been through with Sylvie’s possession. Her devotion to the TVA was rooted in the fact that she wasn’t a variant, her life had a purpose and it was intentional. This must have rocked her, I’m invested in where she’ll go.

THE CUT TO BLACK OH GOOD GOSH.

Sylvie, my queen. I’d roll off a cliff for her.

The person with the moustache (you know the one) has pure fear on his face.

Ravonna knows what’s up.

And so do you, yes it’s the music, go listen to it.

THE RED LIGHTING

The zoom out to that incredible hallway shot and then stopping behind the time door. It was never about him after all, he was in the background of her plans.

Sylvie’s wave in Roxxcart vs. Loki’s on the train. Discuss.

The blackout, thunder and Loki’s pause under the flickering red and white light, do y’all really want me to talk about the s y m b o l i s m????

He’s conflicted, you know it, I know it, Mobius knows it.

Speaking of Mobius, there he is, we cut back to Loki and see him make his decision, zooming back in on him.

And with that final flourish in the score, we are done with episode 2!

Cue the most amazing end credits score you’ll ever hear.

Do yourself a favour, listen to all of it, including the part after the main credits, both are Works. Of. Art.

Ep 2 review

In case you didn’t notice, this is my favourite episode so far. There are parts I didn’t take to as much, but details from the previous episode being used in the plot as well as others being explained by Sylvie in episode 3. Rewatching it was easier than episode 1 though it left me wanting more. It will get more interesting from here, but until then, that was a fun romp.

See y'all next time. I hope whoever's reading this has a wonderful day!

Part 1, Episode 1 extend review link:

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Married at first sight reddie au part 2

Summary: Richie and Eddie’s honeymoon

A/N: this is a part two, I hope you enjoy it. Again this was based on mafs Australia, so I don’t know if this is how it goes in all the variants of the show. Please let me know what you think! 

warning: there’s a curse word in here somewhere, there’s also a very brief mention of (not) having sex 

tagged: @juhavs

Eddie didn’t think he would, but he absolutely loves Hawaii. Richie and him had arrived only two days before, but he could safely say he had never laughed as hard before in his life.

Richie was the funniest guy Eddie had ever been on a date with. Although technically he was already married to the man.

He wasn’t always funny, as he made an awful lot of mom-jokes, but overall, Eddie would say he really did deserve the fame he got from being a comedian. Richie was a great guy, he never even asked what the whole mom debacle at the wedding had been about. instead he had told the camera’s that it was all part of a game he had thought off, trying to spare Eddie the embarrassment. When Eddie had profoundly apologized on the plane, the only time they weren’t being filmed, Richie had just shrugged and said that it was ‘cool’. And that he understood that some parents just weren’t all that accepting.

There was so much more to it that Richie didn’t know, but Eddie didn’t want to tell him all about his childhood, especially considering they had only known each other for five days.

Eddie had thought it would be awkward, that he wouldn’t be know what to say, but with Richie conversation just seemed to flow naturally. It helped of course that Richie wouldn’t ever shut up, even as it was already midnight. Eddie would never tell him so, but he cherished those moments. The camera wasn’t there, and Eddie didn’t feel like he had to keep information from Richie. He found himself wanting to kiss Richie at random times, but his fear of Richie’s germs stopped him. That was just an excuse Eddie knew, because when Richie initiated the kiss, Eddie didn’t hesitate to reciprocate.

When Eddie was growing up, he had always suspected that everyone disliked him because he was so sick. He had convinced himself that nobody, or at least most people, wanted to be his friend because they were afraid that they would contain what he had. When he found out that he wasn’t really sick, thanks to one of a routine control test he had to take at work, he figured it had nothing to do with that, it just had to do with his personality. His childhood was very vague, he barely remembered anything about it. He was pretty sure there was a group of kids that would sometimes talked to him, but with all the time he spend inside, he knew that there was no way that they were close.

Eddie didn’t necessarily hate himself, but he did dislike a lot of things about himself. He hated how he couldn’t sit down in a chair without wiping it off at least 10 times, how he sometimes got so irrationally angry or worked up it even scared himself, and he despised how he let his mother just walk over him. He knew he should stand up for himself, but it was hard when all his life he had been thought to agree to everything she said. He hated how when he felt a little sick he would immediately panic, thinking the worst. Eddie had assumed Richie would hate those things about him too.

It seemed that Richie was the complete opposite of what Eddie had suspected. When they arrived at their hotel the first day, Eddie had refused to take a shower without cleaning it himself, and Richie had watched him do it in amusement. He had offered to help Eddie, but Eddie had thought Richie was making fun of him. That almost turned into a fight. Eddie had watched Eddie with a frown, his eyes lightly sad because Richie had seemed like a nice enough guy to not laugh at him in his face.  Richie had looked confused, his mouth falling open slightly, before shaking his head frantically. It looked almost comical. ‘I didn’t mean it like that Eds’

Eddie had believed him. Still, he hadn’t wanted Richie’s help, he wanted to do it in his own. Instead of reentering the bedroom, Richie kept Eddie company the entire time it took for him to clean the shower. He never made him feel like an idiot for wanting to clean the shower. After seeing Eddie’s pinched look when he ate on the bed, he stopped eating there as well. He seemed to be able to read whatever Eddie needed or wanted to do, which was weird sometimes, like when Richie just ordered him a strawberry milkshake, even if he had no way of knowing which one Eddie would prefer.

They slept together too, although Eddie had insisted on a wall of pillows between them. There was only one bed, and Eddie had said he’d sleep on the couch, but Richie had convinced him that there was no need to do that. For some reason, they’d always end up destroying the pillow wall, waking up with Richie slightly on top of Eddie, with their legs tangled together. When they woke up, they didn’t talk about it. Eddie was glad that the camera’s didn’t film them in that position.

They had slept together, but they hadn’t slept together yet, in the more sexual meaning of the word. He didn’t know if Richie was just respecting him, or if he didn’t feel any attraction towards him. Sometimes he wished he could hear what Richie was saying about him in interviews.

It wasn’t all great, Richie could be annoying at times, and they bickered constantly about anything. The second day that had bickered about which restaurant they were going to eat in, and the third day Richie had wanted to go in the sea while Eddie tried to persuade him into staying in the pool, because that was way more hygienic than the sea. Still, it was endearing and it made for some pretty interesting topics to be discussed.

When Eddie watched Richie clean his hand thoroughly on the second day of their honeymoon, he finally dared to reach for Richie’s hand. All his life Eddie had shied away from people’s touches, only ever being touch when it was to scold. But he was determined to break that mindset with Richie. He tried to do it subtly, in the middle of a conversation, but his face turned tomato red, and he knew Richie could see how much he was stressing out.

Richie himself, stopped dead in his tracks, his mouth finally stopping for a few seconds, before gripping back tightly and continuing on as if nothing happened. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Richie’s face mirrored his. Ever since they were holding hands all the time.

His mother was probably going to have a fit when she saw it on the show, but Eddie couldn’t care less. He was still nervous around the camera’s but Richie seemed to be aswell, so it was alright.

Eddie locked eyes with himself in the mirror, fixing his hair on last time before nodding and walking out of the bathroom without looking back. It was the final night of their honeymoon, and Richie had planned a nice romantic dinner on the beach. He had left earlier saying he had to prepare the table, which Eddie found funny, because really, the restaurant would normally take care of that, Richie was just being extra.

As he was walking towards the spot where he and Richie had agreed to meet, he let his eye wonder the resort for the final time. The hotel had been top notch, complete with a build in spa, an arcade, a full sports facility. Their hotel room looked out upon the ocean and the beach, and Eddie would secretly check Richie out when he took his morning swim.

He was going to miss this place. It was nice to get away from the busy schedule of a normal week, so Eddie was glad for the vacation. He hoped he and Richie were still going to get along when they went to their assigned apartment. In last year’s season, Eddie had seen how many couples broke apart because they found the other applicants more attractive. He sincerely hoped that wouldn’t be the case here.

He saw Richie sitting at as table at the beach, and he was wearing an Hawaiian shirt, his favorite Eddie was sure. When Richie opened his suitcase, Eddie saw that he only had the same ugly Hawaiian shirt in his suitcase, only in different colors. Eddie had teased Richie with it, and he hated to admit it but it did look really good on Richie.

Richie chose that exact moment to look up, seeing Eddie stand a few feet away, and excitedly jumped up. He was smiling, adjusting his glasses as he gestured with his hands.

‘Welcome to casa del Tozier, Eds.’ He said with a smirk, and he seemed really proud of himself.

‘It’s a restaurant you dumbass,’ Eddie teased, following it up with a quick, ‘and don’t call me that.’

Richie just smirked, trudging back towards the table with Eddie following closely. Richie had really tried his best. There were rose petals on the table, a flowers bunch with sea shells. There were Blue napkins, who honestly looked as wrinkled as Eddie’s grandma, but he did appreciate the gesture.

‘You went to a lot of trouble. Thank you.’ Eddie told him sincerely. Richie rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, suddenly losing his nerve.

‘It was nothing’, he replied instead. ‘I hope you enjoy the flowers, I was supposed to get them for your mom but you know since I’m here with you’, Eddie rolled his eyes playfully. ‘Gee thanks Rich, how did I ever get so lucky to be paired with you.’

They laughed, and Eddie nervously glanced at the camera’s currently pointed at him. Richie must have sensed his discomfort, for he bumped his knee against Eddie’s sending him a little smile.

A waitress for the hotel interrupted them then, putting a plate of oysters in front of them. Richie looked at it in disgust, until he noticed that Eddie was looking at him.

‘I ordered for us already if that’s okay, it was my day to choose remember?’

Eddie did remember, he and Richie had agreed that they each had every other day to choose an activity for the day. It was almost creepy has well they seemed to know each other. On his first day of choosing, Eddie had decided to visit the arcade in the hotel with Richie, watching as he was completely enwrapped with a game called street fighter. When Richie got his chance to decided what they would die, he came up with the idea to play baseball, which Eddie refused at first. It turns out that Eddie was really fast, and he really did enjoy playing baseball. He saw Richie looking nervous, and it warmed his heart that he had tried to make this meal as good as possible. Even though Eddie hated oysters.

Eddie smiles slyly, picking up on of the oysters. He swallowed it quickly, trying his best to keep his face neutral. ‘Actually I’m allergic to oysters.’

He watched Richie spit out his food, his face turning a pale white. ‘W-w-what?’ He asked, his voice shaking. Eddie hooted of laughter, tears nearly streaming over his cheeks. Once Richie realized that Eddie was just playing him, he laughed too. When the main dish came, fucking spaghetti, it was Richie’s turn to crack-up.

The dinner was great, despite the fact that choices were a little off. Eddie enjoyed every single meal, though he did recoiled when he saw a piece of spaghetti dangling out of Richie’s mouth. For dessert Richie did pick an Hawaiian dish. It was called Guava chiffon cake. Eddie was nervous for trying it, because he wasn’t used to consuming a load of sugar at the same time, but Richie managed to persuade him to try it, and Eddie absolutely loved it. It was light and creamy and sweet, and Eddie had never thought he could like a dessert that much.

After the meal, when the evening was coming to a close, one of the producers arrived with what they called ‘the honesty box’. A box full of questions which both Eddie and Richie had to answer honestly. Eddie went first, his hand shaking as he reached for one of the questions. It took a few seconds for his vision to focus. ‘Are you here for the right reason’, he read of the card, locking eyes with Richie straight after.

He wasn’t worried about this question, because he knew that Richie was a genuine guy. Richie smirked at him, ‘well to be honest Eddie Spaghetti, I joined for your mom’, Richie answered, but he was interrupted by Eddie. ‘No, no, beep beep Richie, answer straight right now.’

Richie’s smile fell off his face. ‘What did you just say?’

Eddie balked, panicking straight away. He wondered what he said wrong. ‘I... I’m sorry.’

Richie shook his head, plastering a smile so fake even Eddie could tell it was a hoax. ‘It’s okay’, Richie said, reaching across the table to rub his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles.

‘I joined because my manager wanted me to join, and because I was really tired of just being by myself.’ Richie confessed.

Eddie wasn’t surprised by that, Richie had admitted it too him in the car ride to their wedding venue, just as Eddie had admitted that his mother was the reason he was here. The next question was a bit harder for Richie to answer. ‘Do you think you could fall in love with me?’ This time Eddie was really interested in what Richie’s answer would be.

He glanced straight into the camera accidentally. He found it difficult to look straight into Richie’s eyes, and he saw that Richie was avoiding his aswell. ‘Yeah, I think so. Almost as much as I love your ass.’ He grinned. Eddie grinned too, though he did his best to hide his smile behind his hand, instead letting a groan.

Then it was Richie’s turn. He picked up a card, pretending to drop for comedian purposes. ‘What was the worst experience in your life?’ He read, tossing the card onto the table before reaching for his drink, as if he was giving Eddie some time to think about the question.

Eddie didn’t know how to respond. The answer was pretty clear to him, his childhood with all the doctor visits, but he didn’t want to tell Richie that yet. Sharing that piece of information that was closest to him, that fear that was deep enrooted in his heart, was terrifying. The weight of the inhaler he was carrying, which he didn’t even need was getting heavier by the second. He didn’t know if Richie would be turned off by his scars, by his baggage that he took with him, so he lied.

I didn’t have any friends in high school. I mean I’m pretty sure I didn’t have friends as a kid, I can’t really remember, but I’m high school it was really rough.’

It wasn’t exactly a lie. High school was hard on Eddie, just not the hardest part of his life. Richie leaned forward on the table, and when Eddie realized what he was trying to do, he leaned forward too. Their lips met in the middle, and they shared their shortest kiss yet. Richie’s lips were chapped, but for some reason that made him all the more endearing.

Eddie loved kissing Richie, it was like he could feel every emotion poured in the kiss. When Richie swiped his tongue over Eddie’s bottom lip, he opened up, allowing Richie to deepen the kiss. It was like they knew exactly what the other liked. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you Eds, I can’t imagine not wanting to be friends with you, you’re way too hot to be left alone.’ Eddie halfheartedly shoved at Richie’s shoulder. ‘Don’t call me that asshole.’ The rest of the night went by without a bump in the road.

When the night came, Richie started building the pillow wall between them again. While Eddie watched him from the bathroom, waiting until they were alone before getting rid of all the pillows. Richie looked at him in surprise, having no idea what was happening. Eddie places his hand on Richie’s cheek.

‘I think we don’t need that anymore.’ Richie agreed eagerly. Scooting over to make more room, Eddie slid beneath the soft blankets, instantly shuffling closer to Richie. He placed his head on Richie’s chest, while Richie threw his arm around his shoulders. They shared a goodnight kiss, before they finally settled in.

Richie presses a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. Eddie let out a sigh, twisting his fingers in the sheets beneath him. ‘It was my mom’, he said, long after he thought Richie had fallen asleep. ‘I know. You don’t have to explain right now.’ He couldn’t put in words how much he appreciated him in that moment.

‘I’m afraid that the others are going to find me boring,’ Eddie told Richie honestly. ‘What if one of the others are more interesting?’

Richie grabbed his hand. ‘Don’t worry Eds, no one could ever compare to my Spaghetti.’

‘You’re a dick,’ Eddie laughed, but he was reassured at least a little bit.

And when two days later, he met five other amazing people whom he would eventually become an amazing group with, than that would only be a plus to the whole experience.

[grizztheexplorer]

Ep 2 Love Victor live reaction:

-this bitch is a sophomore AND gay he has no business being this smooth😭😭

- lowkey the actor has the dopey smile down to a T he could bring great chemistry on screen with any gender so I hope to see him a lot more in the future in different projects

- I like how in the credits pics are in the color of the lgbt flag. That’s a good touch. Also the last pic of credits being Felix, Lake, Mia, and Victor makes me feel like no matter how messy it is when Victor accepts he is gay with Mia, ultimately that’s the gang. Those are the core friends. So it will be messy but they’ll be alright

- kid has good comedic timing i hope he talks more

- the parents are so cute, if they weren’t struggling together i would hope they end together. Lowkey feel like they won’t so i dont wanna go thro the heartbreak of shipping them for them not to work. The actor that plays dad always has good chemistry with his costars like in one day at the time. Even with how awful Penelope and Victor were, they had so much chemistry when they weren’t fighting

- WHY ARE ALL THESE BLONDE LADIES WHO ARE LOWKEY EXTRAS REALLY FAMOUS COMEDIANS??? FIRST IN THE COFFEE HOUSE AND NOW THE NEWS SJDJDJDJD

- i really dislike Andrew lmao u ain’t slick show why the fuck would a student put their coach’s pants down the disrespect smh. Idk if that’s American schools but to my experience that’s too far of a joke lmao

- OH IS LAKE’S MOMMMMM

- say what you want, but Victor cares for Mia and is trying bc he thinks it could work bc he likes her. Andrew is 100% just using Lake, who he KNOWS likes him, in order to try to sabotage Victor and Mia. Which also?? If u like someone why try sabotaging their happiness??? I know they are kids and they make selfish dumb decisions sometimes, but this guy lowkey classist af too and his friend make homophobic jokes he’s cool with therefore he does NOT get a pass for being a dumb child until he actively stops his shit and apologizes

- he played call me maybe😭😭 he is BOLD BOLD. But also lowkey so white ajdjdjdj. Cute af tho. A MOVE. He def has been confused bu the vibes.

- he’s in a band omg the hottest dude is the other gay kid rip victor

- I thought Felix was gonna lowkey kill it shdjdj

- I love Lake she KNOWS her worth hell yeh

- Mia and Victor lowkey cute but damn can’t work if u deliberately avoid a place bc u keep looking at the dude

- the mom is a cheater lmaoooo i knew I didn’t like her that much😭😭 bet that’s why they fucking moved too. Now i want them to break up lol

- Dad shouldn’t guilt her tho. If u moved bc of the cheating and want to start again then its to give her the opportunity. If you wanna guilt her and stand on moral high ground then either take a break and separate for a while to think or fully divorce. And i WILL hold that against both the parents bc they are grown not high school kids.

- HE SANG ACOUSTIC CALL ME MAYBE WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT OOOOOF VICTOR U FUCKED MY DUDE AJDJDJD THERE AINT NO HIDING T H O S E BUTTERFLIES

- Victor deadass looks like he’s salivating im screaming lmaoooo. I don’t think even I have been that googo face when looking at someone im crushing on (thats a lie i have sjdjdj)

- the daughter should absolutely give them shit lmao I hope she confronts them

-lowkey i live for cheaters feeling guilty sudjdj but i do think if armando is gonna try again and give her a chance then he can’t hold it against her. That’s unfair. Is understandable if he’s angry and hurt and doesn’t trust her, but in that case I repeat myself. Separate for a while to breath and think things over.

- Benji did all that shit and has a bf?????????????? SIR???????????? AND AFTER HE FELT THE JETS????? Also love how Simon knew dude was wrong. You can’t compare someone you like to something “i try and it wasn’t that bad” when you are with someone is not trying is bc u wanna be😭😭😭😭😭😭 all kids who aren’t assholes (Lake, Mia, Victor, Pilar, Felix, and Benji) get a pass to make dumb decisions on my part as long as they are doing it bc they legitimately think is for the best. That means Andrew still not vibing with me sjdjdjjd. I’m good with everyone else😌

[famous-aces]

Paula Poundstone

Who: Paula Poundstone

What: Comedian, Commentator, and Author

Where: American (largely active in US)

When: December 29, 1959 - Present

(Image Description: a photo of Paula Poundstone. She is a white woman with chin length brown hair parted down the middle and arched eyebrows.  She is wearing a black and red striped shirt with polka dots on the collar and cuffs as well as on her black suspenders. She is wearing a watch on each wrist. She smiles almost madly at the camera and is gripping an old fashioned microphone. End ID)

Poundstone has been active in comedy since the 1980s and serves as a a guest/talking head/contributor on/to many different shows over the decades over a number of different media.

Some of her credits include regular/recurring appearances on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, To Tell the Truth, The Rosie O'Donnell Show, and she is presently starring in the podcast Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone.  She released two stand up albums: I Heart Jokes: Paula Tells Them in Boston and I Heart Jokes: Paula Tells Them in Maine.   She has a regular column in Mother Jones and has published two books There is Nothing in this Book that I Meant to Say and The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness.

Orientation: Asexual

She is probably the first name a lot of people think of when they hear the word "asexual" and has been out and unapologetic for years.

"Well, it is hard to say a lot more about being asexual. I don’t like sex. Therefore, I don’t have sex. It frees up time, but that’s not by design, it’s just a bonus."

- Paula Poundstone, Edge interview, 2013

"[Interviewer]: 'One thing that strikes me odd about your conclusions [in ..."the Search for Human Happiness"] is you don’t say sharing your life with another person is a key to happiness. I know you’ve joked over the years about how difficult it would be for you to have to go to your bedroom and find someone there.'

"[Poundstone]: 'Yeah. That would not give me happiness. I can’t even imagine committee-ing decisions. It just sounds awful to me. I’m happy for the rest of you, don’t get me wrong, but I have never seen so much as one person where I’ve said to myself, "Oh boy, wouldn’t it be great to live with that person?" I guess I must be different than most people.' (Sneezes). 'I’m allergic to the topic, for God’s sake. But, the truth is, every show I do where I stumble onto this topic, somebody in the audience comes to me so happy that I brought it up because I am not the only one. I used to have a team of guys who were my managers – a management company. They were all older white guys and they were horrified by my talking about that. They thought that was off-putting.'"

-Excerpt from a Desert Sun interview, 2017

(Image Description: Paula Poundstone on Steven Colbert. She is wearing a candy cane striped suit is looking at Colbert, speaking, hand on her chin. Colbert is leaning across his desk, listening. End ID)

[purplesurveys]

593

Horror movies: the bloodier, the better. Right? Not necessarily. Gore is generally great, but some horror movies do bank on psychological horror, which doesn’t always have to rely on blood but still ends up just as great. Have you ever seen the movie Turistas? No. I think I’ve already heard of it, though. What do you think of people that smoke pot? I honestly don’t know how that works or what it does to people, but you do you. Would you rather have an iPod or a Zune? iPod. I’ve never even heard of Zune...lmao I think my Gen Z-ness is showing. Would you ever go surfing, if you don't already? I probably would in the future. I’ve had chances to take surfing lessons whenever we stay at beachside hotels, but I always get too conscious to ever try it out because I know my balance is awful. But who knows, maybe I’ll try it someday when I finally stop caring about what bystanders think.

Would you rather have it raining or snowing? Raining, only because I’ve never seen snow. Do you own any Volcom clothing? I don’t. Do you like honey wheat pretzels? I’ve never had those but I’m craving for snacks right now and those sound good so I might as well say yes, I like em lmao Do you like any weird food combinations? French fries with hot fudge sundae. It has a bit of a cult following here in the Philippines but I’m not sure what the rest of the world would think of it. Do have pests in your house? (ants, termites, etc) We have ants, but here in this country we don’t really count them as pests because they’re so common, they can show up anywhere. Strictly speaking, we don’t have pests in the house. If not, have you ever? We had termites for a bit and they ruined our stairs, but it’s been taken care of. Do you own any milk crates? If so, what do you use them for? No, as far as I know we don’t. Don't you hate when gum loses its flavour really fast? Yeah that’s why most times I get too lazy to eat them hahahaha. I don’t like how they lose their flavor after like, 20 chews. What brand of gum, in your opinion, loses its flavour fast? Gum in tablet form, in general. That’s how it feels for me, at least. Were you/are you in band or orchestra in high school? Nah I was never musically inclined. Have you ever driven a tractor? No.  Have you ever had to do community service? Nope. Have you ever been on probation? In any sense of the word, no. Where does your family buy bath towels? I have no clue. My mom bought all our towels but I wasn’t with her when she got them. What is normally on your Christmas list (if you celebrate it)? For the longest time it used to be Starbucks planners for the incoming year. Eventually I realized I’m never able to finish any so I stopped asking for them. These days I don’t really ask for anything... the last thing I (read: me and my siblings) asked for is a Nintendo Switch, but as for me individually I don’t really announce a wishlist anymore.

Are you sleepy? A little bit, but I miss taking surveys so I’m still up doing one. What CD do you think has the coolest album artwork? Paramore’s Singles Club cover has always resonated with me. That was a bit of a chaotic and sad time for fans of the band, and seeing the three bars on the cover kinda forced us all to think that what was happening is real life, but that it’s okay. Do you like KoRn? I don’t feel anything towards them. At what age did you stop wearing diapers? Not sure, although I think I was 2. We have home videos of me when I was 3 and I was no longer in a diaper. Would you ever spend the night in a house you knew was haunted? I’d probably pussy out at the last second HAHA What family member do you get along with the least? In general, my uncle (one of my mom’s brothers). In terms of opinions, my maternal grandma. I love her to bits, though; her political affiliations just drive me insane. Do you know how to make a daisy chain? Nah, I haven’t tried it either. Did you play hopscotch when you were little? Of course. I was always the one with the chalk and drawing the court.

How about four square? I only know the website lol. Must be an America thing. What do you think of dodgeball being banned at some high schools? Y’all are debbie downers. Do you enjoy doing yardwork (such as planting flowers, weeding, etc)? No...I’m sure others love it, but that kind of activity just sounds boring to me. Would you do yardwork if you got paid? HAHAHAHAH, probably. When you were little, did you pick up worms? No. I was awful though, I’d step on some of them :/ Do you pick worms up now? No. Do you look at yourself in the mirror often? Only if I happen to pass by one. Would you ever gauge your ears? Hell no. Is your house normally hot or cold? It more of corresponds to the weather outside, so it will always depend on the general temperature. At this time of the year, obviously, it’s colder. Do you always have a lighter on you? Never. Do you constantly mess with your hair? Not really, it’s a mess as it is most days. Would you ever ditch a friend just because they are gay? Fuck no. This survey is showing its age, haha. Heads up, it’s 2019 – nearly all my friends are gay. Do you rip things out of magazines and hang them on your walls? I did that one time when I wanted to do some art up on my wall. But it’s not a regular thing at all for me. What do you use to hang posters on your walls (tape, thumbtacks, etc)? Tape. Did you like the movie Finding Nemo? Yes, I watched it many many times as a kid. Partly because I enjoyed it and partly because it was one of the few Disney movies we had on DVD. Who is your favourite comedian? Not a huge comedy fan. Would you ever go see a stand up comedian? Sure.  If you have younger siblings, do they play sports? My sister was good at volleyball but she never pursued it; my brother likes playing basketball but only as a pastime. Do you go watch their games? Do you own any Michael Jackson CDs? I don’t think we do. What social networking site, in your opinion, is most addicting? TWITTER. Do you have a Twitter? Yep. If so, do you follow your favourite celebs or bands on there? No, I like keeping my circle to the people I personally know. Do you update it from your phone? Phone or laptop, whatever I happen to be on. Do you wear those neon-coloured skinny jeans? Nah, generally not a fan of neon-colored anything.

[janchriseurope]

Ghent through the eyes of a local.

When I told Chris Kelly that we were off to Europe, he said his exchange student daughter, Amelie came from Belgium and that he would contact her to see if she would be interested in showing us around. After some too-ing and frowing , we finally touched base with Amelie, while in Bruges, and arranged to spend today with her. A major thing, I believed, because she started her holidays today.

What a wonderful day

Amelie arrived at our hotel at the designated time. We had been passing the time chatting to the very personable hotel manager. He was checking that we had managed to see the different sites he had recommended. Amelie immediately gained Chris’s heart as she presented him with a large bottle of Belgian beer!! Omer, the same name as her grandfather, so special to her family.

Off we headed into town for breakfast at Amelie’s favourite cafe. Another great coffee in a decent sized bowl and a twist pastry.

From there we made our way to the castle chatting all the way. She was telling us how she ended up living with Chris and Claudia and we were telling tales out of school. Lol Chris Kelly.... I think Amelie understands you a bit more since meeting my Chris ... poor girl!!

We had a ball. She pointed out different buildings and explained more about Ghent than you find in tourist pamphlets. We lined up for tickets for the castle, audio and earphones. Amelie told us the narrator was a well known comedian who lives in Ghent.

The castle was built by Phillip of Alsace. I have actually taught about him when I taught the Crusades. I used to use the Terry Jones version of the Crusades which uses humour and role playing. The commentary throughout the castle exploration was of a similar vein. I was impressed with the humour as it’s similar to British Monty Python style. It’s rather funny to be walking around with earphones on and hear Chris guffaw over the narration. You couldn’t hear normal conversation.. but Chris’s laugh.....

We saw the first fireplace in Ghent and heard about some really awful forms of punishment. The battlements were amazing. I struggled with the spiral staircases ( too much vertigo sensation to enjoy the journey). I wasn’t keen to lean out over the battlement to see how high we were. Hmm maybe developing a phobia..... but I went and saw, maybe not quite conquered.

From there we wandered along the different streets, looking at the shops and archecture. Amelie bought us some very interesting gels which are a specialty of Ghent. On the outside, they are firm like a wine gum, but the centre is almost runny in consistently. Yum!

It was Amelie’s birthday yesterday, so we went to Paul’s to celebrate with her. She was telling us that she is in her last year of study for Phsychology and has 126 days practicium to start in August. I can hear people now ... saying after meeting Chris and I, she could cut down the number of hours needed!!! After some of the stories Chris related to her... I’m sure she’d agree!!

We did some sitting people watching, then more meandering. There is a modern building behind St Nicholas Church. Chris and I had looked at it last night, wondering about its purpose. Amelie told us it’s called the Sheep’s Shed. It was very controversial, causing quite a major row. However people were coming to like it as it is the centre if lots of concerts and activities.

We went and looked at the University, which doesn’t charge exhorbitant fees, less than $1000 a year and the Govt give a book allowance/ grant. Oh to have a large population base.

We told Amelie about our lovely friend Bob Smith, who fills our lives with yellow ducks,.. low and behold we found a whole flock of ducks for sale. Heehee!!

We also visited a Belgian Chocolate shop and no, we didn’t buy the suculant, luscious chocolate or bottles of very cold water to put beside them to keep them from melting. ‘Scuse me while I wipe my chin....

Somehow it was 4 pm and so we headed back to our hotel and Amelie’s mum’s car. She had a half hour trip into the countryside to get home. Normally it takes her an hour and a half to get to uni from home

We are delighted in our newly found ‘great niece’. She will definitely be most welcome ‘down under’ to continue her research into the idiosyncrates of the Webster-Kelly family ... so she can make a fortune writing the book... on second thoughts maybe we shouldn’t let her near our mates... there are too many truths .. and we would ruin her perfect English with lots of “Bloodys”!!

After a rest and sorting emails, we headed back into town to have tea at the best rib restaurant. - locals know these things... thanks Amelie for your recommendation. Heaven! It came with a huge baked potato with its own curry sauce and a salad. What we didn’t know when we ordered, was that you could have more ribs and potato when you had finished your first serving!! Groan... no room ....

While sitting finishing up dinner a group of Americans rolled up. We told them that they would enjoy the ribs. We got talking... as we do... one couple’s daughter married a Kiwi, from Auckland. We told her we were from the Mainland....

We are now tucked up, hoping to have a better night’s sleep ... the train track is bloody close and the trains go like a bullet out of a gate.

Off to Dorset tomorrow thru the Chunnel to be spoilt by Pete and Gerry.

[twofacetoo]

Good Evening All

With the release of the 'Sonic' trailer, it feels appropriate to make a point. This is something I've been saying for years, but never has it felt more appropriate to be said en-masse to the internet.

This is the trailer for the 'Sonic' movie.

I want anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it right now. Anyone who has seen it before, maybe watch it again, just to get it fresh in your mind. And once you've watched it, answer me this: do you think this looks good?

The answer should be a resounding no. On every level this film looks terrible. It's a video-game movie (known to be notoriously god-awful). It's being directed and produced by the visionary mind behind 'Gopher Broke'. Slim rubberface comedian Jim Carrey has been cast as the tubby cartoon character of Dr Robotnik and is playing it exactly like Ace Ventura all over again. The design of Sonic is nightmarish beyond belief. And most famously, it's being produced by the brilliant mind behind 'The Fast And The Furious' series, a series of ELEVEN movies about things going zoom (and very little else).

And thus I get to the point of this little post. I want to ask each and every one of you... don't see this movie. I can't stop you, and if you want to see it, then you do that. I wouldn't dream of insisting on a boycott. All I'm asking is that you understand one thing: you think this movie looks shit? Great, I do too... and Paramount & Sega, the team behind this film, couldn't care less.

I hate to be a downer but this point needs to be made more and more these days. While movies like 'Avengers' are excellent and a lot of fun to watch, people need to remember that Disney doesn't care if you like it or not. They only care if you paid to see it. The same applies to Sega and Paramount making this film. You go see it, you hate it, you make a 20 minute Youtube review on how bad it is, do Sega-Paramount care? Fuck no, because you already gave them money. Did the film piss you off and make you insane with rage? Great, Sega-Paramount don’t give a fuck. Did the film teach you the meaning of life and finally make you smile? Great, Sega-Paramount don’t give a fuck. All they care about, like most media companies, is getting your money.

That's not to say creative thought and artistic vision are dead, because they definitely aren't. They've flourished in indie markets through people like Scott Cawthon and (despite my disdain for the series) the minds behind the 'Paranormal Activity' films. Artistic vision is alive and well, but let's be real, what most people care about is making money.

Posters can be misleading, and trailers can be deceptive. RedLetterMedia made the point during their review of the 'Slenderman' movie nobody remembers that about 40% of the trailer wasn't in the actual film. And we're talking interesting things that looked cool, even an entire character vanished altogether from the movie. And there's a big difference between a trailer being edited differently from a movie, and flat-out lying to people to get them to give you money.

The point I'm making is that, bottom line, people want money. Companies need money to survive. Sega-Paramount don't want to make a good film, they want to make a financially successful film. They want to make a film that will rake in heaps and heaps of cash. So they used a pop-culture icon like Sonic, ripped off 90% of what the 'Detective Pikachu' trailers have shown us, and is attempting to make that money by either being consciously terrible or astoundingly naive.

Listen. Every time a terrible reboot / remake comes out, the comments around it are all the same: 'this looks awful, can't wait to see it!', or 'why isn't anything original anymore?', without realising that these two comments are answering each other already.

Guys, if this film looks as bad as you think it does, I beg you, please don't see it. All this will do is reinforce the thought that bad movies make money simply by being as bad as possible. If you want a good video-game movie, then let the bad video-game movies fail. If you want less remakes, then stop going to see them. The only reason these films keep coming out is because, like it or not, they keep making money. They keep churning in just enough profit to convince the studios to make more and try less with each installment. 'Robocop', 'Total Recall', 'Ghostbusters', 'Planet Of The Apes', 'The Italian Job'... all great films that were remade, and despite everyone agreeing the remakes were terrible, they still made money.

With the ‘Sonic’ movie, we may have a chance to break that cycle once and for all. This is a film that NOBODY wants to see. If people can just avoid seeing the film, we might finally be able to get the message through, that we’re sick of zero-effort nostalgia-pandering bullshit like this. DC finally realised it after making bomb after bomb, and thus turned out ‘Shazam’, a film they actually put effort into which wound up being a huge hit. They only had to learn through numerous failures, as is typical of any big company these days.

Look, if you go to a 5 star restaurant, order a sirloin steak, and get given a frozen microwave dinner instead, you have every right to complain and demand better service. It's no different with movies. If you get promised a good film, then you deserve a good film. If you get promised a bad film, then why would you bother to see it in the first place?

[asphaltapostle]

What I have long predicted is now coming to pass: Google believes it should assume control.

Out of all the technology companies that have made my knees knock and my voice hoarse and my [Tweets manic](https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&q="google" %40ficklecrux&src=typd) as a technoheretic in the past several years, Jumbo Google would easily take home the winning trophy for Dystopian of the Millennium. I have been rehearsing an especially dear pet prophecy of mine, unsolicited, to family, friends, and podcast guests since 2011 in which I end up arguing quite convincingly that Google is a dead ringer for the 16th-century Vatican: an inherently self-isolating organization with an absolute monopoly yielding gargantuan levels of essentially passive income from a service which nearly everybody transacts with, but only Google understands (and is therefore assumed to be its only possible provider,) which inevitably develops such a distance from the rest of the populace and their way of life (in tandem with total notoriety and celebrity among them all) not intentionally out of malice, but from the delusion of mythically-bestowed philanthropic duty that is borned of and compounded by this economic and cultural isolation in a perpetual accumulation of power and wealth that radicalizes the monopolizers — the majority already highly predisposed to zeal as they would’ve needed to be in order to find themselves in this singular, universally powerful position over every other class — and leaves their egocentric minds to wander exempt from all criticism save for that of fellow radicalized monopolizers, who together begin to feel more and more comfortable wondering aloud about themselves in increasingly fantastic presumptions: what if all of this was bestowed upon us because we are superior to them? What if it is our divine responsibility as superior beings to take charge and shepherd the common people as our sheep — for they cannot possibly know as well as we what is truly best for them?

You see it, right? And you can feel a very specific flavor of terror that is both awed by the scale of the circumstances created by so few human minds and sincerely amused by the absoluteness of your own inability to alter them in any way. Perhaps you even recognize this taste as one perfected by Christianity’s ancient advertising business, but Google knows so much about you that it’s rumored to’ve been selling user data to the Judeochristian God for some time now at a 10% discount, and so we extrapolate and anticipate, yes?

Of course, it’s admittedly satisfying for me to deliver you to this godfearing place in the most perverse look what I saw first that you didn’t see because you’re just not as bright but lucky for you, I’m so fucking generous with my wisdom sort of thinking around which the entire personas and livelihoods of fringe movement fanatics are built upon, but this is my one thing, okay? I’ve been waiting years for the right time to formally argue this theory in depth, and — thanks to this year’s public spotlight finally pivoting on the giants who’ve been silently swallowing their competition and relentlessly forcing their already ridiculous margins higher and higher in relative obscurity for decades, the time has come, indeed. The common people’s trust in Google had a godawful week.

Don’t Be Evil

On Monday, Gizmodo reported that twelve frustrated Google employees were quitting the company in protest of their work assisting the Department of Defense to “implement machine learning to classify images gathered by drones” for the detail fleeting Project Maven, despite some 4000 employee signatures on a letter addressed to CEO Sundar Pichai requesting (in full) that he “cancel this project immediately,” and “draft, publicize, and enforce a clear policy stating that neither Google nor its contractors will ever build warfare technology,” citing the infamous “Don’t Be Evil” motto, which Google then proceeded to remove from its code of conduct for the first time in 18 years the day after the New York Times article went to press, on April 5th.

On initial approach to the abstract of this story, from the ass to our thoughts arrives an easy narrative of a Silicon Valley mutiny comprised of twelve brave, conscientious souls who’ve been eaten up inside by their complicity in the filthy deals made by their power-obsessed CEO over scotch and cigars in a dark D.C. study — kept awake for months by the sound of his puffing cackles at satellite images of dead toddlers in a bombed-out street.

Ah ha, we say. That man is no good, and he just wouldn’t listen! They knew they didn’t have a choice… They only did what they had to do…

The reality of internal disagreements at Google, though, manages to be even more theatrical. The sheer volume of correspondence must surely be beyond anything capable of the enduser’s imagination, so let’s phone a friend: my favorite peek into the day-to-days of inter-Google existence is an old blog post by Benjamin Tilly on his first month at the company in which he was compelled almost immediately to describe in great detail how best to “deal with a lot of email in gmail” at peak efficiency using shortcuts and labels. “As you get email, you need to be aggressive about deciding what you need to see, versus what is context specific.”

Now we have a bit better idea of the aggressive emailing that was a sure constant on a normal workday at Google in 2010, so it must’ve been deafening after 8 years of Gmail development as 4000 employees no doubt vented, debated, and decided to organize last month, though without making much headway because the leadership’s response was apparently “complicated by the fact that Google claims it is only providing open-source software to Project Maven,” this new knowledge having significant effect on our mind’s image of Sundar Pichai’s activities in Washington: he is now swapping seats with a frustrated Colin Powell in order to install OpenOffice onto his desktop from a flash drive, and we recall that Google’s Googleplex headquarters resembles nowhere in modern life more than a brand new playground built in a design language borrowing heavily from Spy Kids. And though these Twelve disciples are unnamed for the moment, a few of them could immediately land book deals by going public, and every single one would always have by default not only the badge of “I landed a job at Google,” (which is really to say I have hit Life’s maximum level cap,) but “I worked at Google for a while, but ended up quitting to do something else,” which is guaranteed to make you the most interesting, intellectually superior person present in whatever crowd for the rest of your life. The ultra-cool Sarah Cooper quit Google to become a comedian and even got to talk to Kara Swisher! I won’t pretend to understand big tech’s diminutive bastardization of prestige, but “more than 90 academics” jumping to publish an open letter (adjacent to a huge DONATE: Support the Campaign to Stop Killer Robots button) in which they “write in solidarity with the 3100+ Google employees” who’s terrible boss decided to help some lackeys in the Pentagon set up their email and didn’t text back for a whole hour doesn’t sound 100% sincere. Notably, I don’t know how or why the fuck 90 people would go about collaborating on a single document, but if it really was managed, they definitely used Google Docs… At one point, it was fun to think about the history of the friendly side-scroller-playing garage ghouls and dorm dorks who gave cooky, wacko names to their dot com startups in parody and defiance of the lame-ass surname anagrams on the buildings of their established competitors, but those who’ve stuck around have only done so by becoming expert at SUCKING UP EVERYTHING around them, and it pisses me off every day how worried I am that my species will finally be done in by a company with a name like Yahoo! and be known only to a bunch of adolescent interdimensional silicon blobs 30 million years in the future as that bipedal race who remained dignified until the last 0.01% of their reign on Earth, when in way less than a single generation, they all just went FUCKING INSANE and blew themselves up because they suddenly hated all sense.

“Google” is perhaps the worst of these to have to shout in fear and/or anger in your last moments as it sounds in American English like you’ve startled your subject with a ticklish pinch followed so immediately by an esophagus-busting chokehold that the two events appear simultaneous, and in real English English, it almost always sounds like a parent speaking of a character on a pre-K children’s television programme whom they find quite foul and upsetting, but will manage to refrain from expressing so otherwise because they know that Teletubbies shit is the most quickly forgotten stage of television viewership. It’s fascinating how exclusive the word “Google” is to American English because in everything else it really is complete nonsense, but lets halt all etymological discussions right now because we’ve only now just finished with Monday.

The Soul Ledger

On Thursday, all of my Google experiences, suppositions, and soul-detaching screenshots were usurped when a thoroughly alarming internal company video called The Selfish Ledger was leaked to The Verge, which I watched once then and do not want to watch again for the sake of this piece, but I will. Though the big V has been disappointingly timid for years about editorializing — when tech journalism desperately needs some confident, informed opinion more than ever — Vlad Savov’s accompanying article should be read in its entirety, to which I can add my own terror where he perhaps could not. The production style is technically identical to that of the very popular thinkpiece-esque, motion-graphics-paired-with-obligatory-sharpie illustrated videos which you find playing at max volume on your mom’s iPad from where she’s fallen asleep on the couch at 9PM, but the repeating stock string soundtrack multiplies one’s discomfort as such that we would all end up in the fetal position without remembering the transition were it not for the appearance of trusty old Dank Jenkins, who’s face I thankfully associate heavily enough with his infamous down-and-out Tweet to be a welcome respite in attention before the very scary hypothesis for which it’s been buttering me up, as best summed by Vlad:

> The system would be able to “plug gaps in its knowledge and refine its model of human behavior” — not just your particular behavior or mine, but that of the entire human species. “By thinking of user data as multigenerational,” explains Foster, “it becomes possible for emerging users to benefit from the preceding generation’s behaviors and decisions.” Foster imagines mining the database of human behavior for patterns, “sequencing” it like the human genome, and making “increasingly accurate predictions about decisions and future behaviors.”

The next time the what if they do something scary question comes up in a casual conversation about Google, you’ll have something a lot more substantial than just speculation. Or will you? The Verge reached out for comment and got an awfully convenient response.

> This is a thought-experiment by the Design team from years ago that uses a technique known as ‘speculative design’ to explore uncomfortable ideas and concepts in order to provoke discussion and debate.

Wow! Leave it up to grand ole Googe to reveal the ultimate excuse for just about any suggestion or behavior, though it does seem almost deliberately uncomfortable, doesn’t it? No matter — whether or not this video was ever about a project or tangible product development, or simply to explore uncomfortable ideas because it is proof that the company has reached that critical Vatican stage — if you’ll remember — where they now feel comfortable exploring Very Bad, but Very easily made Real Ideas amongst themselves about what would happen if they allowed their system to nudge its users around a different, slightly less optimal route to the bar, let’s say — without their knowledge — in order for the system to collect traffic data for the sake of its own interests? Which would be, technically, in the interest of all Ledger users now and in the future, so why not?

> The ledger could be given a focus, shifting it from a system which not only tracks our behavior, but offers direction towards a desired result.”

This, my dear privacy-obsessed friends, is the real issue with data collection — its power over huge groups by way of their behavior and it is never going to be remedied in any significant way by ad-blockers or VPNs because the EndUser shall always out number you 50 to 1, even decades from now. EndUser does not understand — or, crucially, have any desire to understand anything technical about what leads to the PewDiePie videos playing on his filthy screen. Here’s a great opportunity to escape Silicon Valley’s technolibertarianism and resign your Darwinian empathy in favor of meaningful and truly-effective action: if you want to avoid a future Google Church (or Google Government, more worryingly,) you should invest your time, effort, and knowledge into electing officials more capable of understanding and regulating Big Tech.

Google Government

The internet as it stands is made possible by Google as the goto resource for online advertising. In 2016, “Google held 75.8 percent of the search ad market, bringing in $24.6 billion in revenue from search ads,” according to Recode. By 2019, “that’s expected to grow to $36.62 billion in revenue, or 80.2 percent of the market.” Google’s edge in user behavior and targeted advertising combined with their extensive resources available developers to integrate independent platforms with Google’s software services at various levels makes it very difficult for any advertising-funded individual or organization to compete online without dipping in to the Google universe. YouTube — a Google property since 2006 — has actively invested in and supported a new career path entirely within their own platform that is rapidly becoming popularly aspired-to by young children, while the reality of existence as a full-time YouTuber is far less glamorous than the immediately-visible surface would indicate, and the effort already expended by my generation in its pursuit has already made us insane.

So, what would the internet look like if Google didn’t exist? We know they’ve been working with the government now on various projects, but what if some terrible exposed transgression of theirs suddenly warranted an immediate shutdown and seizure of all Google properties? Well, we know from a post on Quora by Googler Ashish Kedia that even 5 years ago, the sudden absence of Google for “2–3 mins” set the internet into a bit of a panic, reducing overall traffic by 40%. In the time since, we’ve all grown exponentially more dependent on Google properties: billions of people rely on Google Maps for directions and, thousands of companies (including the Pentagon and other government institutions) rely on Gmail and GSuites for intercommunication, file sharing, task management, etc., and more and more academic institutions rely on Chromebook devices running connection-dependent operating systems. It’s not much of a stretch to argue that Google’s sudden disappearance would constitute a Civil Emergency in the United States, which will only become a stronger and more serious incentive for regulatory bodies to look the other way.

Though the tangible results of advertising have been quantified significantly in the past 20 years, one can’t help but wonder after watching YouTube ads for the new Mercedes-Benz S-Class on toy unboxing videos if the companies who spend big bucks on Google advertising understand where their money is going, but they know that if they don’t advertise there, their competitors will. This, of course, is a fundamental practice of a monopoly, and it’s yielded Google so much fucking money that they cannot possibly spend it fast enough, as evidenced by their investments in life extension — so that, perhaps, they will have more time on Earth to figure it out.

When you build a collection of the world’s smartest people in a self-sufficient environment that discourages exploration of other lifestyles and ideas, and you sustain the society with a gargantuan, relatively low-maintenance revenue stream, you create a culture which is not only well-primed for isolationism, but is also extremely inefficient. In fact, with its vast collection of abandoned products and properties, Google must surely be one of the most inefficient companies in history. Thinking back on recent software releases along with its recent entries into the hardware space, Google is also one of the worst competing tech companies. Very little aside from Gmail, Google Photos, Google Maps, and Chrome have found their place or garnered significant usership. Google Play Music is unintuitive and impossible, Google Allo and Google+ are all but forgotten addendums to other services, and Google Search — its core, original function — has been out of control for years, and all of them are designed blandly and excruciatingly tiring to look at.

Google Shun

If this all has stirred nothing more in you than a desire to eliminate Google from your own online life as much as possible, there are alternatives in almost every one of the sphere’s they dominate. As of late, DuckDuckGo has accumulated a fair amount of buzz and coverage as a private, more relevant alternative to Google’s plain old search engine. Though it is clever enough to list us as the first result for “extratone,” I’ve found it simply insufficient as a replacement in my own life because, essentially, it rarely delivers what I’m looking for. By contrast, Dropbox Paper is such an elegant cloud notetaking and word processing software that it makes Google Docs look simply idiotic (and warrants its own review very shortly.) For getting around, know that MapQuest is not only still around — it’s now a very competitive mobile navigation app.

I, myself, have allowed Google as complete of access to my information and behavior as possible because I believe “privacy” is a completely futile endeavor if one wishes to be a part of society, though I do often use alternatives to Google services simply because I fucking hate the way they look. If you want a more complete list of services and software that allow one to shun the Google God entirely, you’ll be forced to seek out less dignified sources like Lifehacker and Reddit and decide if the additional time you’ll spend using most of them to accomplish the same tasks is really worth your digital angst.

If Google were to be more explicit with its users and staff about its aspirations to take over control of our lives, there will be little to do but accept the future they intend to create because they’ve long been too powerful to control. In the meantime, I’d suggest you continue to use whatever software works best for you and refrain from wasting your time fretting on conspiratorial suppositions of what the tech industry may be doing to “invade your privacy,” because there is no longer any such thing, nor will there be ever again. However, I would also urge to you worship your own Gods, whomever they may be, for Google will never be worthy. I, for one, shall only pray to our Mother Sun.

#social #google #future #web #privacy

original post

[mfmagazine]

Patrick Fabian

Article by Ricky Tavi

Photo by Josh Madson

Patrick Fabian is likely one of those actors who seems to have been in so many movies we’ve seen so many TV shows we’ve watched and so many adverts we’ve listened to. And yet because his performances and characters are so diverse and convincing, it just hasn’t seemed necessary to remember his real name.

But Patrick Fabian may not be able to avoid the personality spotlight too much longer. As the season of his current CMT sitcom, ‘Working Class’ just ended, he’s looking at another critically acclaimed success to add to his nearly 20 year acting resume.

Patrick spent some time with us and allowed us to discover something of the real life personality behind the brilliant list of stage and screen characters that this fine actor has so often brought to life.

Our interview reveals a man of humor and humility. He gives us a glimpse of his Working Class co-star Ed Asner - is he easy to work with? – And, with a big smile, drops a hint about the most famous screen character he’d welcome the chance to portray. Read on to discover the fascinating background to one of Hollywood’s better kept secrets – Patrick Fabian.

In your 18 year acting career you have appeared in just about every performance medium possible – stage, movies, TV, voice-over, adverts…..the list seems endless. So starting with the most recent, and where today’s buzz is, please divulge something about the new CMT series, ‘Working Class’.

This has been a great experience and a ton of fun to do. It's a smart, funny sitcom that'll get the whole family laughing; it's a real traditional show in the vein of "Roseanne" & "Everybody Loves Raymond". If you haven't tuned in, now's the chance to see what all the fun's about.  And there's gonna be some kissin'!

Do you think you were an easy choice to portray your character?

Well, I run Parker Foods and am the boss of Melissa Peterman and Ed Asner's characters, so clearly, someone in casting thought I knew how to order people around! That, and wear Armani well. I think I can bring a bit of humor and good nature to the usual traits that bosses possess.

I read somewhere that you are happy to be thought of as a ‘working class actor’. If so, are you bringing ‘real life’ to your part – albeit the show is not intended to be taken too seriously?

The show is meant to make people laugh, we're not solving the world's problems, you know? And being a working class actor, for me, means that I get to do a wide variety of roles and situations, and that I'm fortunate enough to work fairly consistently. Although, let's be clear; if you need me to be a Star, I'm open to that.

Ed Asner, one of your co-stars in ‘Working Class’, is known for his real life advocacy of the ‘common man’. What special energy do you think his outlook on life has brought to the show?

Ed's a man of his word and certainly backs up his beliefs with his actions and I respect him for that. His acting experience and skills are totally fun to work with and I've learned a lot from watching him. He's not afraid to fail in life or work.

Comments from your colleagues in the show talk of the fun and good humor that has made the production work such a pleasant experience. With so many seasoned actors are you all able to stick to the script? Is ad libbing allowed?

I can easily say it's been one of the easiest sets to work on; we laughed all the time. And that tone is set by Melissa Peterman; she's a shining light and considering the crazy schedule we were on, that's no small feat. And Melissa comes from improv, so she's wonderful on her feet and can ad-lib all day long. The writers' wrote us great material and they weren't averse to our going off the rails: we were all looking for the funny.

As an actor you’ve portrayed the deadly serious to the comic. How do you classify yourself primarily – if you do?

I think it's all about the point of view you bring to any particular role, and how that fits into the whole, you know? I'm fortunate to work in both serious and comic worlds and I like it like that. However, if James Bond ever opens up..........

Where do you have the most fun? In theater or movies?

They all have their charms, (and frustrations), but I definitely have a soft spot for live theatre; it's where I learned my craft and the immediacy of a play and it's interaction with an audience can't be beat.

All reports are that you have a great sense of humor. Could you ever imagine yourself as a stand-up comedian? Ever tried it?

I have way too much respect for stand-up to try it. I need writers. Wildly, talented writers making me look good. Daily.

As a serious actor, has Shakespeare featured much in your stage experience?

I got my Equity Card at the Shakespeare L.A. Festival years ago playing Moth in "Love's Labor's Lost". Shakespeare under the stars at the John Anson Ford Theatre in the summertime. A wonderful experience and I would kill to be at the Festival in New York City's Central Park.

Ever played Hamlet? Would you want to?

No I haven't. And yes, given the opportunity, I think every male actor would love a crack at it.

Your career has given you the opportunity for a lot of travel. Much time away from home. Now that you are a parent – congratulations, by the way, to you and your wife, Mandy Steckelberg, on the birth of your daughter Abbey Ray – will you be earning fewer frequent flyer miles?

Well, they say have a baby and the world will provide (or something like that) and so far, that has been the case, although most jobs have kept me local. I thought it would be great to get a series in New Zealand or Europe for a few years while Abbey Ray's still a wee one. But my wife has been wonderful about the work when it does take me out of town. Many of friends have managed it all, so I imagine we will too; we should be blessed with such problems, right?

What are some of your favorite place around the world?

Wandering the old streets of Barcelona, the Playhouses of London, NYC's Central Park, Muir Woods just over the Golden Gate Bridge and Will Rogers State Beach in Santa Monica, Ca.

You are one of the hardest working and most experienced actors in today’s industry – and yet you manage to avoid the excesses of the paparazzi. How do you balance keeping a private life with the demands of your work to be in the spotlight?

Well, going back to what a 'working class' actor is; I'm familiar to a lot of people because I've been in such broad spectrum of venues, but I don't necessarily stand out as one particular role, one that the paparazzi or public is that enamored or obsessed with, so I get the benefits of being known, but without the downside of being crazily sought after. (Again, if you need a STAR, however......)

You’ve been active in the union movement on behalf of stage and screen actors and others in the entertainment industry, and have held union elective office. Could you imagine a political career in the future?

I've really enjoyed my experience on the SAG Hollywood Board; it's a great reminder that you need to have personal responsibility for what goes on in your Union, or for that matter in your City, State and Nation. As much as I would be interested in a political career, I think working with a baby, a chimpanzee and Screech in a single episode of "Saved By The Bell: The College Years", disqualifies me.

It’s difficult to imagine now, that as an actor you’ve ever found yourself ‘resting’. How difficult is it to sift through the offers and scripts to find those that interest you? Are you very selective?

I love to work. And the next job is always the one I'm interested in finding out about. Different jobs rear their heads different ways; this past year has included Commercials, Low-Budget Films, 1/2 Sitcoms, Hourlong Guest Spots, Live Theatre and VoiceOver: I've been wildly fortunate and love to stay busy.

When you are ‘resting’ at home, what do you like to do for R & R?

Take walks with the whole family. (wife, baby & the two dogs) And cooking is very relaxing.

What musical preferences? Are you playing Mozart for your daughter?

I love Rock & Roll and 80's Hair Metal, but there's room in my head for lots of different things. We play a kaleidoscope of music for Abbey Ray; I hope she takes to it, but you cannot force it. (So far, Rock-a-Bye Baby: Pink Floyd is a big hit!)

What movies have you enjoyed recently?

Loved "The Social Network", "Inception" and "The Awful Truth"(Cary Grant)

Your character in “Working Class’ dresses exceptionally well for a grocery store manager! An anomaly of the storyline? Your stage and screen characters have provided just about every costume statement that could ever be made! What styles reflect your personal comfort zones?

Only on television does a store manager sport Theory, Donna Karan & Armani: What a great business! I love comfortable, horse-riding clothing; Robert Redford around 1974. And the 'Swashbuckler' wardrobe from "Xena" will be hard to top.

Can you give an idea of where you see your career progressing over the next few years? Maybe the next James Bond? Could you ever imagine living elsewhere from LA or is that almost a necessity that comes with the work?

Did you say Bond?  I'd love to spend a chunk of time in New York, albeit with a steady gig. But I love Los Angeles, its home for me and my family now and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It’s clear that you are a man with an active social conscience and also a man of letters – graduate of Penn State & California State Universities. Do you have any words of advice to young actors and performers starting their careers in today’s entertainment industry?

It's the greatest business when's it's all working; and absolutely devastating when it doesn't. Don't take it or yourself too seriously. However, learn your craft. Go to school or take class, and take IT seriously.