#“around the winter months it should be....”
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today was the first cold day this winter, when i usually can see my breath in the mornings by the last week of september. There was exactly one day in late august where i saw my breath at half seven in the morning and then nothing for 2.5 months, and i knew that was a freak occurrence and not any indicator of the weather getting colder And its so weird that no one else sees to be pointing this out around me. I've been hearing 'its getting bitterly cold now isnt it?' from my coworkers this week like it wasnt 14C for the past week when the average highs are 11C. like bro you sould be glad its cold, it should have been cold this time a month ago
it is november, and yesterday it felt like it was supposed to be snowing. in boston, november used a winter month, not a fall month. it is supposed to be chilly; rarely capping over 45F. it is a sweater-and-jacket month. it is a "maybe a scarf too" month. in my childhood, november meant blizzards and sleet.
it did not snow. tomorrow the weather predicts a high of 76.
i have spent so many years of my life studying the longterm possibilities of climate change - the culmination of capitalism wreaking havoc on the bodies of people, animals, plants - but every so often i am still shocked by something small and personal.
in a hundred years, when someone goes outside in boston - will they know the feeling of "snow in the air"?
i know it's a learned feeling, a sensation that maybe only longterm experience can teach. a few years ago, i was walking with my friend who had just moved up from the south. i said it smells like snow and she gave me this look like - what the fuck. i said it feels like snow too, which didn't help. she looked up to the bright blue sky and then back at me and then back at the sky. 12 hours later, we had 3 inches. you can just tell if it's going to snow.
except i can't tell, anymore. i stand outside in a tee shirt and watch my dog dance around a lake. we're in a drought and the skin of the water has peeled back twenty meters. the lake is tamed, quiet, puddlelike and sour. my pokemon go app warns there's a weather condition in my area.
my dog gets too hot from running and sits in the water and i want to laugh about his long frame and how awkwardly he sits - and i can't. some simian part of my brain is scratching the walls. it was supposed to snow. it was supposed to snow, but now it's warm instead.
during the last full solar eclipse, the dogs and the birds and the crickets went crazy under utter darkness. we laughed at them then, promising it will all be okay in a moment. but some part of me is still locked in that long night: some animal sensation.
something is wrong, my body says. i can't afford eggs or rent. i go outside to watch a sunset and listen to birdsong. i don't bring a jacket. allergies are killing me this season, allergies i didn't have as a kid. everyone comments that halloween has started to feel strange, offkilter. that it's hard having "holiday cheer." my body thinks it's april, and then it thinks we're in september, and then june.
something is terribly wrong, she whispers. go outside. it is supposed to be snowing.
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please stop saying holiday when you mean Christmas
Changing the names of concerts and parties and vacation times and the season and decorations and pretty much everything doesn’t mean anything when the content of these things doesn’t change.
“Holiday concerts” be so fr there are 15 Christmas songs and one refrain of maoz tzur or dreidl
“Holiday aesthetic” I see red and green and white
“Holiday/winter break” it’s Christmas break. It happens around Christmas. Stores and restaurants and companies and schools close for Christmas.
“Holiday movies” you’re watching home alone.
“Happy holidays” appreciated from a cashier but that card has a Christmas tree
“Holiday spirit” joy and grace and peace? How about the spirit of fighting back against colonialist empires that try to force their culture on us?
I appreciate that this is generally a well meaning attempt to create inclusivity, but I think the populace should be doing more. In practice this often feels like a way people make themselves feel better about the fact that Christmas and Christian is so embedded into American culture in such a way that makes the months of November and December unbearable for many members of religious minorities.
#chana talks#jewish#jumblr#judaism#israel#culturally christian#christmas#christmas 2024#religious minorities
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If you were adopted as a son into a family that thought sex between family members was normal and became a family of four, which female idols would you want to be your stepmother, step older sister, and step younger sister? And tell me about your daily routine with them.
Writer's Note: From an aespa smut writer's point of view, it would be mommy Karina, big sis Giselle and little sis Winter and Ningning. But as that would be too predictable and their age gap isn't big, I am going to choose different idols with different ages.
LOVE FUCKING FAMILY WENCHES
I got adopted into a family of three woman who believes in incest and free use among family members......
What? I know you are surprised but it's true. Incestuous family does exist and they are heaven for those who loves multiple sex partners under same roof.
Guess what was the criteria for choosing me? My glorious 7 inch cock. My new mommy Jihyo gave me a tit job at the day of our interview. When I choked her deep throat, forced my bulbous dick all the way in shooting ropes after ropes of healthy man milk down her food pipe, she immediately choosed me as her new son.
She divorced her 4th husband for cheating. The family have free use rule with one more rule and that is you can't fuck other women without the permission of your womens in family which he broke fucking around everyone's wife and daughter in the neighborhood, without their permission.
So Jihyo divorced him that month. Instead of marrying 5th time, she decided to adopt a son this time, hoping a younger male will be easier to control around. Plus her daughters prefer young meat fucking them over middle aged men. So a big dick young male is all she needed.
The day she brought me home, we had car sex all the way while her electric car drove us safely. Her lose holes were perfect for my thick boy as she keep riding me all the way. I relexed my face in her massive boobs as she keep releasing her pent up frustration, soaking my dick and balls with her cum.
When we arrived I pick her up, my 7 inch cock still in her relatively tighter ass hole while she crossed her legs around my hip. I walked toward the door, pressed the bell while pumping upward in her gut, faster as my bladder was feeling full. I needed to pee soon.
A cute young girl in her 20 opened the door, not surprised at all seeing her mom getting fucked. It was her younger daughter Hanni, mommy had shown me her picture before. "Good morning little sis," I said before quickly running toward the sofa and throw Jihyo on her back. I pounded her ass for one more min and cummed my ball empty in her ass, yellowish discharge coming out when I pull back as she tries to catch her breath.
I was in a hurry to pee so asked Hanni where is the toilet, but surprising me she ran toward my still hard dick and sat down saying "I am your urinal" and take my dick in her mouth, cupping my balls with hands. She made me lose all control as I pushed all the way in and pissed my bladder empty straight in her stomach. I took my time peeing as you don't get to pee like this everyday, Hanni drinking all of it pushing aside her gag reflex.
"You should stop drinking piss Hanni. You got sick after last week's party becoming the urinal in dare game." Said my new older sister Somi while walking down the stairs from 2nd floor, she was full nude. Her whole body was glistining with sweat, her toned abs, bubble boobs and tight butt in full display. Her hip was swaying around, she is such an expensive slut!
It was weekend and Somi work out harder in free days. She don't wear anything while working out in home. Seeing her tight little pussy made me hard again, I was still in Hanni's mouth. Hanni looked up to me and started blowing me, my piss dripping out her lips. Somi went to the fridge to pick her shakes.
"If you have to drink then drink cum, cum is full of protein and helps building muscle." She walked to our fucked up mom with the juice in her hand. "Good morning Somi," said Jihyo while her legs were still spread wide. My cum was dripping out of her gaped holes. Somi insert her two fingers into mommy's pussy and scoped out some of my cum and send it in her mouth.
"You are too salty, I'll give you a proper diet to make your cum tastier. You have to cut down your intake of junk foods lil bro." She cleaned her fingers and then started to slurp mommy's pussy, putting her tongue inside her ass and pussy making sure not a single drop of my cum goes to waste.
I knew I had the license to fuck any of them but seeing how erotic three of them with each other sent me over the edge. My cute little Hanni was trying her best to give my massive dick deepthroat, but I took the matter into my own hand and started to face fuck her. By the time I ended up cumming deep in Hanni's throat, Somi licked Jihyo clean. I came undone making sure Hanni drank every single drop of my fluid.
Hanni's face turned red from suffocation, mouth agaped and tongue lolled out like a doggie in heat. Somi came and grab my dick to check my grith. "At least your size is good lil bro. Save up some nutritious cum for me next time." She then proceeded to take my entire length down her throat, surpassed her gag reflex like a pro. She pull out, give Hanni's urinal a deep kiss to taste my fluids further and goes back to where she came from.
It's been a year and half since then. I have fucked my mommy and sis countless times. We have sex oftens, but it's not like we keep fucking all day around. Even deranged fuckers got a life to live, ok? So it's more like if we got the drive to do it or not.
It's important to say what my women do. Jihyo is head secretary of a middle aged conglromate, well more like his mistress. Her main job is warming his cock in office, riding his dick while he do all the important job. He fucks her everyday, solo or in a group with his clients. Entire office know it so as his illegitimate wife she wield a lot of power. Her favorite style is showing her entire cleavage wearing pushed up bra, making her huge tities a thing of eye candy. I even watched him fucking her once as she called me over and let me see how my mama is a corporate bitch.
Somi work as a high end club dancer. From dancing on a pole or on multiple men's dick, she is the epitome of a sex doll. Getting fucked daily from men around world who she never met or will never meet is normal for her. She wanted to be an idol but got sold into prostitution instead. By the time she got rescued by our bitchy mom with her own connection in brothels, she was already too used to sex. So she took prostitution as her career. There are even some porn videos of her in the internet, getting millions of views.
Hanni is a nympho college student. That's all she is. She barely study but still get straight A by fucking all teachers in college. There is not a single straight boy in her college who haven't fucked her up in a group or alone. She never come back home in perfect shape after a party. They always end up gangbanging her until she is reduced to nothing but a piece of filthy meat. Once they called us from a party. We had to rush and take her to a hospital for alcohol intoxication and sexual abuse. It took her a month to be my urinal again.
Considering it's a weekend and we all have the sex drive, then it's most probably mom who sleeps the night with me. Her warm big boobs is used to comfort me, suffocating me between her mounds while I comfort her overused gaped cunt with my big cock. I keep pistoning comfort inside her until both of us pass out from exhaustion.
At the morning we wake up late from our sinful love making, go to take a shower togather as we passionately clean each other, licking and kissing our holes. My little lovely urinal Hanni prep the breakfast and serve it. Somi is always in her birthday dress. Mom goes out for work as sexual secretaries have no weekend. I goes to Somi's room and exercise with her in many Kamasutra position. Hanni sometimes join us, sometimes she just do her other work. I end the exercise getting steamy all again, leaving my wench of a big sis Somi cum drunk and exhausted on the mat. Hanni is definitely getting her daily dose of nutritional piss if she call me over for studying. It's just an excuse as we fuck like rabbit most of the time with occasional study talk.
That's it. 🖕🏻
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[SHOULDER KISS]
Ford x Reader
words: 2,846
tags: sfw, toothrotting fluff, non-sexual nudity
a/n: this is so devastatingly self-indulgent,, pls don't judge me. But also, this is for all of you who said there aren't enough Ford fics out there <3
Winter. Snow was falling, but it wasn’t soft. The winds were strong and managed to blow snow in your face no matter which way you turned or how much you covered it up. This was supposed to be a short and simple hike through the woods with Ford. When you had left the house this morning it had been just that, with snow falling softly and all. But now the weather had turned like it held a grudge against you two personally.
The twins had decided to have a little break on their sea adventure for the holidays and while Stan decided to visit the kids and Shermie, Ford had decided to come home to you. Even Soos and his Abuelita had left to spend this time of the year with Melody and her family, meaning you and Ford had the Shack all to yourselves. It also meant that there was nobody home to make sure the Shack stayed warm while you two were out.
Finally, you had made it back to the Shack, and when Ford opened the door you quickly got inside, spreading snow across the floor. You shivered as you took off your snow-laden coat and shoes, the cold having seeped inside your very bones.
Ford wasn’t much better off - his nose and cheeks burned a bright red and his eyebrows and eyelashes had little white crystals hanging off of them. He was a human furnace of a man, but even he was shivering now, rubbing his hands along his arms to generate a little warmth.
“We need to warm up as quickly as possible, I don’t want to risk either of us getting hypothermia. You should go and take a hot bath while I’ll put more wood in the furnace so the house can warm back up. I’ll take a bath after you’re done.”
You shook your head. “Sorry, won’t work. While you were gone we had some problems with the hot water. Now there’s only enough hot water for one hot bath or shower at a time.”
“Oh.” Ford’s eyes darted around the room for a moment, trying to find a solution. “Then I guess I’ll just get some extra blankets and try to warm up like that.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Or you could just take the bath with me. That way we won’t risk either of us getting sick?”
You said it like it was the most natural thing in the world, Ford on the other hand could feel the heat rising to his face even more now, his turtleneck suddenly feeling a little tight around his neck. It wasn’t a secret that Ford was… uncomfortable when it came to nudity.
During your few months of relationship with the man the furthest you had gotten was one very fun make-out session where, in the heat of the moment, Ford had pulled your shirt over your head and immediately turned bright red at the sight of you. You had pulled him back in with a smile but when you tried to pull his turtleneck off of him as well he had pulled away, ending the moment abruptly.
You had tried to talk to him about it afterwards and he had confessed that he felt incredibly self-conscious about his own body after all the things Bill and his time hopping dimensions had done to it. After lots of kind words and soft kisses he had hugged you and shown you the scars around his wrists from the chains Bill had kept him in.
But none of that mattered now and you hoped he knew you wouldn’t think worse of him for any of it. You just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t get sick. “No. You go.” You could tell he was trying to sound determined, but his own shivering wouldn’t quite let him.
You shook your head. “You take a bath, I’ll get some blankets.” Ford looked at you with pleading eyes. “I won’t take a bath before you. Either we take one together-” You had to pause as a more intense shiver overcame you. You continued with chattering teeth. “-or I’ll take one after you.”
“But you just said-” The look on your face was unwavering, he couldn’t win this one. With a sigh he agreed. “Okay. You get the bath ready. I’ll take care of the furnace, then I’ll meet you there. Does that sound good?” You nodded and quickly made your way to the bathroom.
Ford felt silly for being afraid of your reaction to his body. He was a normal guy! Apart from the six fingers of course, but you had shown him again and again that you loved that part of him. Why would this be any different? He shook his head, trying to rid himself of all those negative thoughts as he placed another log in the fire.
With every step he now took towards the bathroom he could feel his heart hammering stronger and louder inside his chest. He was about to reach for the doorknob when he stilled in his movement. There was something he hadn’t even considered. He would also get to see you naked.
Ford’s cheeks, after having cooled down a little, now turned tomato red again. No. No, he couldn’t do this. He was just about to turn around when the door in front of him opened. “Ford? Why are you just standing there? Come in.” You gently took his hand that was still hanging outstretched in the air and guided him inside the room.
The bathroom had already begun to heat up a little through the warm water evaporating and filling the air. You quickly closed the door behind him, shivering again as you felt the fresh air entering the room. Ford just stood there, unable to move, just watching you as you moved around the room, getting shampoos and towels ready and finally turning off the water.
You turned to Ford. The crystals on his eyebrows and lashes had melted away, but his face was still flushed and he looked very tense. You moved over to him, gently put your hands on his arms and looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Ford. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. I want you to know that I’m as worried about your health as you are about mine, but if you leave now I won’t judge you for that or think any worse of you.”
One of your hands found his cheek and he instinctively leaned into your touch, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and brought his own hand up to yours, moved it to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss to your wrist. “I’ll stay.” You smiled and when he let go of your hand you moved back towards the bathtub, taking your sweatshirt off in one swift movement.
Ford watched your movements with awe. You turned to face him again and he struggled to focus on your eyes. It made you smile - you thought it was adorable how much he wanted to stay a true gentleman, even though you were more than okay with him checking you out properly.
“Suggestion: I get in first. Then, if you’re not comfortable with me seeing you naked I’ll close my eyes while you get in as well. How does that sound to you?” Ford couldn’t help but smile at how considerate you were and also admire you for your self-confidence. “Sounds perfect.”
You nodded and quickly started undressing further, looking forward to the warm water thawing your tense muscles. Ford quickly averted his eyes which earned him a quiet chuckle from you, but you didn’t say anything. When you were done, you carefully stepped inside the tub and sighed as the warm water engulfed your shivering body.
The way it was now the water reached to just above your nipples. But, knowing Ford, you had made sure to create enough foam, so you couldn’t see through the water, leaving just your shoulders and upwards visible. When Ford realized that you had settled into the tub he turned to face you again and you smiled an encouraging smile at him before closing your eyes.
Ford hesitated a moment but eventually found the courage to take off his turtleneck. His heart beat rapidly in his chest but when he pulled it over his head and realized your eyes were still closed he relaxed a little. He felt bad for not trusting you enough to see him shirtless while you trusted him enough to sit naked in front of him with your eyes closed. He took another deep breath to steady himself and took off the rest of his clothes.
After you heard what you assumed to be Ford’s pants dropping to the floor you lifted your arms out of the water and placed them on either side of the tub, inviting him in. You heard two footsteps and then felt the water moving slightly. It took all your concentration to keep your eyes closed, not because you wanted to gawk at him, but rather because you wanted to help him sit down safely without hurting either of you.
You managed though, and soon enough Ford sat between your legs in the bathtub. A deep sigh left Ford’s lips as well, as he felt the warm water around his cold skin. He was careful not to lean too far back, trying desperately to touch you as little as possible. When he was as comfortable as he could get, he spoke up again in a tiny voice. “You can open your eyes now.”
The sight in front of you made your heart flutter. It felt so domestic somehow. His gray hair and strong shoulders in front of you - all you wanted to do was reach out, pull him close and never let go. But you restrained yourself, you had to go at his pace. For a moment you just admired him, studied all the scars and tattoos you hadn’t seen before and committed them to memory.
“Please say something.” Ford’s voice didn’t quite manage to break you out of your trance. “I love you.” As soon as the words left your mouth you froze. You didn’t mean to say that - you had never said this to each other before. “Sorry, I don’t know wh-” “I love you, too.”
You were shocked, to say the least, your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your ribcage. With Ford facing forward you couldn’t look at him, but you could tell from the red of his ears that he was blushing. You bit your bottom lip as you tried to anticipate whether or not your next words would ruin the moment. “Can I touch you?”
His breathing picked up its pace and he nodded. Slowly, you lifted one of your hands from the side of the bathtub and moved it to his shoulder. Ford’s breath hitched when your skin touched his. You let your thumb draw slow, soothing circles on his skin and after a few seconds you heard Ford let out a long breath, relaxing a little.
After a few moments like that you slowly let your hand wander up his shoulder until your fingers came into contact with one of his scars and you could feel Ford tense under your touch. With a feather-like softness you let your fingers trace the scar. “Bill.” Was the only word he managed to get out. “You don’t have to explain yourself.” You assured him and he relaxed under your touch again.
A few more moments passed with your one hand tracing gentle patterns on his shoulder, until Ford raised his other arm out of the water and put it on top of your other arm. He took your hand and slowly moved it forward, pulling you along with it. You didn’t protest as you felt him wrap your arm around himself, holding it against his chest and gently kissing your knuckles.
This gave you the perfect opportunity to gently pull him towards you, encouraging him to lean into your chest, while never stopping the soothing strokes of his shoulder with your other hand. A smile formed on your face when you both had settled into a comfortable position, his back to your chest and your head looking over his shoulder.
You stayed like that for a couple of minutes, neither of you saying a word, just enjoying the moment.
You looked downward just enough to look at his shoulder and then leaned down, pressing a loving kiss to your boyfriend’s skin. Ford gasped, not expecting the sensation, but quickly relaxing into it. You could stay like this forever.
After some more time enjoying this moment, you noticed the water losing some of its warmth. Ford noticed this as well. “We should probably start getting ready soon.” He said but didn’t move an inch. You chuckled lightly. “Yeah…”
You took a deep breath, taking in as much of this moment as you could. “Do you want me to wash your hair?” Even with all that’s happened to lead you up to this point, Ford blushed again. It was adorable. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I-If you want to?”
With a smile on your lips you gently guided him into a more horizontal position, cupped some water in your hand and let it flow over his head. Once his hair was sufficiently wet you grabbed a bottle of shampoo and put some on your hands before messaging it into his hair. Ford's eyes fluttered shut and he practically melted into your touch. You loved to see him so relaxed and it filled you with pride to know that you were the cause for this.
After you had rinsed his hair with water he was about to sit up straight again but you stopped him. “Your hair needs conditioner.” He didn’t protest and let you go through the same motions again. “I could get used to this…” Ford breathed the words out and you almost didn’t catch them. But when they registered in your mind your heart swelled with affection for the man.
“All done.” Your voice made him open his eyes and sit back up. He was no longer leaning against your chest and you noticed that the foam was starting to dissolve. You could see a little more of his back now, but you tried not to stare.
“I-ehm…” Ford started but didn’t know how to voice his question. You understood him though. “How about I close my eyes for you to get out and then I face the wall to wash my own hair while you get dressed?” Ford chuckled lightly, the tension of having to ask an uncomfortable question immediately lifted by your genuine respect for his boundaries.
“They’re closed,” you told him and he stood up, got out and wrapped himself in a towel. As soon as you heard both of his feet hit the ground you turned in the tub and faced the wall, presenting Ford your back. You wet your own hair and when you were reaching backwards for the shampoo bottle you couldn’t reach it. Seems like you didn’t think this one through fully.
“Here.” You felt the bottle gently hit your hand and took it from him. While you were busy washing your hair, Ford realized that neither of you had brought any fresh clothes into the bathroom. He quickly left to get some for himself and then some for you as well. When he came back you were just putting conditioner into your hair.
“I brought you some clothes as well.” You halted. “I knew I forgot something. Thank you.” Ford chuckled and quickly got dressed into some fresh pants and a different red turtleneck. When he was done you were just about to stand up. Ford picked up the towel and held it in front of himself. You stood up, your back still facing him, and he wrapped his arms around you and the towel along with it.
Ford pressed a chaste kiss to the nape of your neck before letting go of you. “I’ll make us both a hot chocolate.” You just hummed in response.
When you stepped out of the bathroom the house felt warm again and the smell of hot chocolate filled the air. You let the smell guide you to the kitchen where you found Ford. Your arms snaked around his waist, hugging him from behind and you nuzzled your face into his turtleneck.
When he was done preparing the drinks he turned around in your arms, cupping your face in his hands. “What have I done to deserve you?” He sighed dreamily and you smiled a crooked grin at him. “You made us hot chocolate!” You both chuckled and took the drinks to the living room where you both settled into the old recliner.
Once the drinks were emptied and you were just about to drift off into sleep in his arms, you heard Ford whisper in your ear.
“Thank you.”
#you know how the other ones in this series are all less than 1k words so far? yeah...#gravity falls#zigreth writes#gravity falls x reader#stanford pines#stanford pines x reader#ford pines x reader
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epistemic and deontic readings
It should be night for a month just so we can see who panics who lives and who dies
#epistemic: map#deontic: op#“around the winter months it should be....”#“the world would benefit from....”
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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Fluent Freshman - Part 43
PREV
FF is a pretty good student. Solid Bs in his Gen-eds and As in regard to his major. With one C+ that he’s still working on with Captain Neil but it’s higher than the D+ that he had been pulling before Captain Neil had started to tutor him and he really just needs to pass the one gen-ed required math class.
There was many a deep breathing exercise before he made an appointment with his educational advisor for the next semester back in October but it hadn’t been that bad even though she was the one that had asked if he knew anyone good at math since it obviously was not a strong suit of his. So he dragged his grade up from a D+ to a C+ and he was pretty proud of that.
FF has a preferred spot in each and every one of his classrooms. In his Gen-Ed courses he sits in spots that the Professors don’t even notice and where there is almost always a gap between him and the next person. He arrives perfectly almost late every single day for every single class he can to achieve this feat.
For his Major classes he sits near the front with the few Foreign Language major friends that he has.
FF likes to be prepared. Studying was a nice way to prepare for the future. If he’s already read the entire textbook front to back and taken notes then a pop quiz can’t catch him off guard. He double, triple, and quadruple checks homework. He could probably recite the syllabus for any of his classes off the top of his head. He has read it so much to make sure he’s gotten everything and is on track.
FF kind of likes finals week.
For once, for one week, everyone is as anxious as him.
He sits next to Nicky patting his back as his friend sobs into a pillow. “I’m not going to graduate and it’s going to delay seeing Erik by an entire year!” Nicky yells as he brings his face out of the pillow.
“Nicky, you only got one flashcard wrong how about you shut the fuck up!” Aaron yells from his desk where he seems to have spontaneously developed ambidextrousness as he writes notes with both hands. “Fuck I am NEVER fitting all of this one one index card.” Aaron slams his face into the table.
“I don’t even need this degree.” Matt says looking down at a textbook that he has not turned a page on for the last hour. The fact that Matt had also not even opened that textbook before now was a bit of a cause for concern. “I’ve already got offers for professional teams. I can just play Exy. I do not need to pass a workplace psychology course.” Matt says.
“You think Dan wants an idiot?!” Nicky demands not wanting to go down alone.
“She thinks it’s cute that I’m stupid!” Matt exclaims.
“No she doesn’t!” Aaron points at him, “She said and I quote ‘I love it when you use that big ol sexy brain of yours.’ the last time you had her on speaker phone!” he uses a slightly more…effeminate voice when he impersonates Dan but FF had spoken with Dan and to his memory she did not sound like that.
“Fuck you’re right she deserves an all rounder!” Matt cries, head in his hands.
“Why do I even have to TAKE this Gen-Ed about history?” Nicky demands now holding onto FF as if he were a teddy bear.
“So that we’re well-rounded individuals with a wider perspective on-”
“Smithy, my sweet child, I was not looking for an answer.” he feels Nicky’s hand come up to his hair and maybe he’s being treated more like a favored pet?
“You’re having trouble with a Gen-Ed?!” Aaron asks turning around in his seat, “That’s embarrassing.” he turns his nose up.
“I’m having trouble with something that is going to be useless in my adult life.” Nicky says as if he were not currently an adult. “You are having issues with a class that will have huge ramifications on your future if you don’t manage to learn it!” Nicky points out.
“Eat my shorts Nicky.” Aaron hisses.
“Maybe I could study if you would wash your shorts Aaron. I can smell your laundry pile from over here!” Matt spits.
The fight devolved from there and FF slipped out of the dorm as Nicky was holding a chair over his head to seemingly throw at Matt for his ‘unreasonable number of sticky notes messing up the flow of Nicky’s studying’.
He heard a crash.
“It’s probably fine.” he says to himself and he has his index cards with the speech he has to give for and he really should go over to talk with Captain Neil.
He walks to Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door and- “There faster-!”
FF walks away from Captain Neil, Andrew, and Kevin’s door, remembering only in this moment that Kevin had declared that he would be “Living in the library until this paper is done or I am.” to the team at the last practice of the year.
Captain Neil and Andrew were never the type to waste an empty dorm room.
He misses Pepto Bismol as he hears a particularly dirty line of Russian coming from his Captain’s dorm room.
***
Eventually Finals week is done and dusted with only 4-5 more blow-ups in his dorm room that result in Nicky, Aaron, and Matt stopping their fight to see if they accidentally had knocked him out with all of the thrown debris (only happened once when Aaron threw a textbook that Nicky ducked but he didn’t.)
FF came out of his final…final feeling pretty good all around. He had managed to get some extra tutoring time with Captain Neil after Kevin managed to finish his history paper a little early. Despite all of their fears and complaints Aaron, Nicky, and Matt all did manage to pass all of their finals and their classes.
The Tower was closing tomorrow for the rest of the year and despite checking almost every day with Nicky he still was invited to go to New York City with most of the team to stay at Allison’s house.
“Smithy, did you pack a swimsuit?” Nicky asks.
“Nicky, we’re going to New York for Christmas break. Do you think we’re going to swim?” Aaron asks incredulously.
“Two words, my fetus of a cousin: Hot. Tub.” Nicky holds his hand up and putting one finger up and then another. “Is hot tub two words?” Matt asks as he reaches for his own swim trunks.
“Yes Matt hot tub is two words.” FF says nodding.
“Thank you Smithster.” Matt says.
“I can’t believe you don’t know that hot tub is two words.” Aaron says with a huff.
“I can’t believe that you don’t know how to not be an asshole even after you started getting regular sex with Katelyn.” Matt returns, “Look at how not a thing that was when Smithster answered it.” he gestures to FF.
“You cannot compare Smithy to Aaron. Apples and Tomatoes.” Nicky dismisses.
“Whatever, so Allison got a hot tub at her place?” Aaron moves past the conversation.
“Aaron you just made fun of Matt for asking stupid questions.” Nicky says with a hand on his cheek.
“I fucking hate being part of your family.” Aaron says without any real heat.
“Yeah sure.” Nicky says, rolling his eyes and smiling as he saw Aaron packing swim trunks that FF knew he had bought for his cousin.
“Okay, I’ve got the packing list that Allison sent. Do we wanna run through it so that we’re all properly packed?” Matt says holding up his phone.
“Yeah, let’s run through it.” Nicky says with a sigh.
They went through Allison’s provided list twice and then zipped up their suitcases. Smith was going to be driving to the airport with Matt. Neil and Andrew were going to be driving the Maserati up alone while the rest of them were going to be flying up to New York City.
Now onto something that filled FF with far more dread than simply passing tests that determined whether or not he continued to get a free ride in college.
Meeting new people.
NEXT >>
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
#Fluent Freshman AU#Just as a note I'm probably going to be taking November off#I should be getting the keys to the Condo on Halloween#and there's just so much to do with it#So I'll be doing a smaller WW#and taking the month off for FF#But I'll come back with some fun I've been planning for ages#Specifically Smith getting to meet Renee and Allison for the first time#And really getting to know Dan#There may be a few special guests but I haven't decided yet#Andrew and Neil absolutely take an extra day to get up to New York for 'absolutely no reason'#but the reason was that they pulled off to a quiet pit stop and made out for so long that it was just irresponsible for them#to not go to a motel#As for where we left off with the Winter Banquet#It was just Smith waiting around until the bus came back#He just ignored that old dude looking for him#and walked to the bus without breaking stride#Who knows who said that Smith was there#I do#FF - 42#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Andreil#Nicky Hemmick#Kevin Day#Aaron Minyard#Matt Boyd
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alright~ a few updates about everything! so this weekend I'll be seeing changkyun in chicago- so I prolly won't be posting until after I'm alive again from that 😂😅 (I am vv excited about it- I just know I'll be vv tired when I return home). Anyways, I have a few fics in the works~ one of them that is a request 🤭 I'm vv excited to work on them! But I think I'm going to change my masterlist a bit when I come back. I'm going to retire a few groups from the main masterlist and I've been debating for the past year about it... But I think I'm going to add a yearly masterlist- So it would go from most recent to the beginning of this year~
I'm also thinking about changing my pfp- I haven't been really into stray kids for uh... years- But I will be sure to make an update about that if I go thru with that too- (It may be ji changmin next 🫣🤭)
Anyways those are my few updates 🥰💖
#in general my brain is so muddled outside of talking to my three closest and my mom i'm just... fogged- but god how i want to be#writing rn- i have 4 smuts and 1 fluff in the works (who would have guessed my fluff writer self has moved from not only plain fluff to#angst & smut this year? not me- but i'm happy about it) two are poly aus and the other two are about a certain 🌙~#kate rambles on from here#altho there is another vv big potential fic~ but i'm only counting ones i have lots of progress on-#and then the masterlist thing i've been thinking about forever- hwvr again i do not know if i'll have the energy bc i might be knocked#on my ass for another month after this trip (i'll be pretty much solely driving for 4 & 1/2 hrs there and another 4 & 1/2 back the next day#but the pfp thing has been on my mind for a while too- again idk when i'll get around to it but jinkoh has given me a vv good#idea esp for winter~ with mr. ji~ so i'm sure to have changed it by december~ (unless the change is too much for me- i haven't changed it#since 2018... so i'm kind of attached to it- even tho i don't even bias him or stan the group anymore...)#anyways this is full of me rambling- i could really go on tbh- bc i'm really trying to get my mind into gear- but these are my updates#let's see if i fulfill em- i'm bound to fill the fic ones- but the other two... yeah- we'll see-#kate rambles#blog updates#should i bring babydoll q & juyo to the concert bc if it wasn't for kyun getting me into dominic fike(and being into tbz during stealer era#i wouldn't have been a tbz ult... (outside of some other factors i haven't really disclosed) bc atp i'm vv close to packing them with me#i mean tbh a tbz pc was going- but now i'm 🫣: should i bring them to see the guy from my first ult group that caused the spiral-#that made me get into my newest ult group? (i love this butterfly effect more than i could ever express tbh- even tho i express it often)#anyways if someone actually reads these- i'm bound to bring babydoll q- legally that's my buddy- but juyo?? 👀
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there was a snowflake
#boueibu#binan koukou chikyuu bouei bu love!#akoya gero#kusatsu kinshirou#arima ibushi#kittykoya#my art#my comic#ME WHEN I SEE A SNOWFLAKE!!!!#im sorry to all the penguins but i think it should be illegal to snow in march#IM SURVIVING.......#snow is beautiful after it falls but then it turns to slush and that's not beautiful ok#and after many months of winter we do not need MORE snow ok it is preventing the beautiful flowers from blooming!!#ok ive actually had this in my drafts for a week and now i feel a little silly bc the sun is out now but i will post it anyway#despite arima's best efforts i think kittykoya and kitty kinchan are going to zoom wildly around the room in a panic for a few hours#before getting tired enough to accept his invitation u-u
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the sun's started rising around the same time it does in late spring so now I've got that weird nostalgia for when I first showed up in the system and I'm also stuck thinking about when Lucy was like "September is the March of the year" because while that's kind of a ridiculous quote, I do get what they meant with it
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#something about the sun rising at the same time and in the same location as it did in those first 3 months of me being in the system#makes me really nostalgic for that time period and it's simultaneously nice experiencing the same vibe#and kind of upsetting when I think a little bit too hard about the passage of time and not being able to go back#I think there's something I miss about everything being new#and a relatively small group of us showing up at around the same time and being in the same situation#and all just kind of working together to figure stuff out#on the one hand suddenly being in the system was upsetting and confusing but there was a kind of novelty to it#whereas now it's just my life. which isn't a bad thing per say. it's just that a lot of things have sunk in since then#about being stuck here and having to deal with certain things permanently#plus a lot of the people I used to hang out with all the time (mostly other people from my source) aren't as active anymore#although I think a lot of them were less active last summer but then more active over the winter? maybe that'll happen again? who knows...#I should have been in bed probably 2+ hours ago and I think that's making me feel weird emotionally#and now I'm thinking a little too hard about being stuck in a body that doesn't feel like it's mine#because I looked in the mirror for a little too long earlier and got freaked out about seeing someone else's reflection
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i must confess that fall is the worst season in my opinion and i don't know why people like it. everything bad about the world is represented in october - november
#seth.txt#1. the colors are dingy most of the month and aren't that great. worst shade of orange#2. sickness is increased as it is cold and flu season. when i get sick it's always fall or winter#3. seasonal depression increases as the days get shorter and shorter. why do you people like when it's dark at 5pm#4. the food is lame. people who love fall usually love the food or thanksgiving which is just mash potatoes and pumpkin which both suck ass#5. the holidays in winter at least make it worthwhile because christmas and new years are both objectively better aesthetically#6. halloween feels really superficial like no one truly celebrates it anymore on a widespread level. should be hyped up like christmas#7. idc what people say dealing with cold is way worse than dealing with heat if you have ac. i am always cold so colder = always bad#8. all plants dying is so ugly to look at and there are no little birds and animals around during the fall which makes the depression worse#i could think of reasons for hours i think i have explained my manifesto well enough for now#actually hold on adding another amendment.#9. having to wear long sleeves pants and socks indoors is torturous and disgusting to where battling the coldness is the lesser evil#10. the sky is always fucking grey for some reason fucker that isn't beautiful esp when it's not even raining#11. you can't go swimming or eat ice cream as easily. name any fall activity that remotely compares to swimming in the summer you're wrong
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well episode 2 was fun see you in another full calendar year for episode 3
#ps lb#A FULL YEAR. GIRL WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH ALL THAT TIME#getting distracted by the horrors i can understand but that wasn’t for another month. what we’re you doing with that month#what WAS i doing for a month a year ago. hold on#because there’s no way i was still into cobra kai in march. so what was i doing for the entire beginning of march.#going to work. hating life. being in my flop era with my one class because i had to take a semester off or i would have either had a nervous#breakdown dropped out or just killed myself. because i’m normal and had a normal winter last year.#like what the hell was i doing. maybe the reason i was in a flop era was because i wasn’t watching any shows… have we considered this#that sounded deranged. but i’m kind of serious actually#well i guess the tsc renaissance happened around the beginning of march right.#wait i don’t even know. well it had to have been though#ok whatever who even knows anything. the point is. i should have continued watching malcolm instead of doing the horrors#malcolm would never do the horrors to me (namely because of his cancelled after 2 seasons swag)
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thinking about how badly i do not go into work for the next 3 days to 3 weeks
#normally i dont mind the job but we are soooo understaffed#and this is the month where ppl r cashing in their vacation time (good ! as they should ! not my issue at all !) and i know for a fact#our supervisors are not at all intending to try to schedule around it or compensate for that fact#plus with winter break we'll have 2x as many kids with maybe a quarter of usual staff if we're lucky#like. i will endure it. because i want money. but deep down i am a quitter
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I stopped marking anxiety on medical forms where it asks what i've been diagnosed with in the past because I experienced every doctor telling me all my problems were anxiety and getting no help. except trying to convince me to take anti anxiety meds (tried once and made me have constant panic attacks and I only slept i think 5 hours in a week and was having hallucinations and stuff. never again!!!) but when i'm having heart rate increase with palpitations and shaking and dizziness and sweating and weakness and completely exhasution and feeling out of breath, nausea, and etc, it happens without the anxiety brain symptoms. I just stand up and it happens, even if head empty. but doesn't happen if i'm layijg down and worrying about a thing?? not sure if I should try talking to a doctor about it again and hope not marking the anxiety box helps, or just assume i'll be told it's anxiety again and not waste my energy..........
#ive always had these kind of problems but was told its anxiety and it wasnt too bad so i just ignored it#but after being really sick for 5 months last winter its been 10x worse so maybe i should be concerned??????#every time i stand up or while working my physical labor job i get hit with these and almost pass out sometimes. vision goes black#tried a fitbit and said my resting heart rate is between 58-62 and when i stand up it goes up to like 120#until i sit then it goes to around 90. laying down its back to 60s. but not sure i can trust an old fitbit. its probably wrong#but i can feel my heart rate increase and stuff so something is happening#closest i can find is pots which makes sense with how common it is with autism and heds (which i think i have instead of hsd)#but cant know unless a doctor tells me. but rhe symptoms being the same as anxiety makes it hard to be taken seriously if you have a history#of being told everything is your anxiety and not real. but am i really anxious? or am i sick lmao#lee rambles#all i know is ive struggled 100x more since i got very sick last winter and never recovered fully from it so its just my life now#and no one takes my struggles seriously#its like what people describe as long covid but different symptoms and no one takes those people seriously either. sigh
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im making a rwby au again except its with my already existing ocs. there are multitudes contained in my beautiful mind
#i have actually had these ocs rotating around in my brain for MONTHS now. this should come as no surprise#winter speaks
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Applying for jobs is weird
Applying for jobs is even weirder when I have passed the initial interview stage of a paid internship application
#genuinely. i think i have a good shot at getting the internship (tho theres always a chance i wont get it but im being positive)#like they responded FAST to my application#however#i wanna start putting money aside to hopefully move out around december (winter break)#so im gonna be trying to get a second job w flexible hours (willingness to work on weekends should help)#will i likely lose my sanity and want to kill myself?#probably#will i feel that way even if all i was doing was taking college classes?#yes#if it comes down to it ill keep 1 job + classes or ill drop at least 1 class (one of the gen eds)#we'll see#but despite the stress. it WOULD keep me outta the house and therefore away from my grandpa#soooooooo#idk but we'll see#also it isnt a guarantee ill get any job but man am i hoping to. i need that fucking experience#i have no experience so it would really help w future applications#plus aforementioned desire to move out as soon as i can#which. can be hundreds-thousands per month to live on top of tuition and i wanna actually stay enrolled full time#anyway#welcome to the 'amber wishes their family actually prepared them for adulthood' hour#amber's shit you can ignore
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