#“a manticore... BUT AT LEAST I CAN SPELL???”
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so you guys remember when jason wrote that note for reyna right before the cupid scene? i have some very interesting additions:
jason in-the-legion-since-3 grace who cannot write, but has a very large speaking vocabulary. versus nico i-stopped-schooling-at-10 di angelo who has no idea how the fuck you spell 'rendezvous'.
#listen to me you guys this is a god-tier concept#they both are arguing on whether ending with 'best regards jason grace'#is a good idea because “this isnt a professional letter nico” “then end by saying 'with love!'” “who the fuck taught you that?”#“a manticore... BUT AT LEAST I CAN SPELL???”#and put that in with the AWKWARDNESS of barely knowing each other... god-tier im telling you god-tier#jason grace#nico di angelo#hoo#the house of hades#jasico#potentially ig???
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i get that retrograde minis can't have a mech design for every conceivable design but like
my Hydra is a very nonstandard hydra ok
like i'm playing as a kitsune princess of course i want it to be a kitsune look 'm basically piloting a robot version of the okami boss ninetails
and after like, a dozen tries trying to draw this in retrograde mini's style which is HARD because that's some good fucking art they got going on there number one, and number two this design is so fucking nonstandard i dont even know how to fit it in,
i gave up
i just fgucking gave up
and went o k you know what im just playing the ninetails from okami each of my tails is just a fucking drone i deploy i'm going all in on drone army so you know what
i give up trying to make this look good
i'm going to make this look funny instead. i can clean this up but like. i might as well just own up to it i just want to play as ninetails from okami but as a mech tbh
a part of me wants to spec out of drones so i have something weirder going on than just a ton of drones, like, i could have MAGIC SPELLS and be a WIZARD, you know,
but the image of flicking my giant fan of tails and tossing a little fox-mech onto the battlefield and doing that 9 fucking times and more is just hilarious to me so idk
but honestly between my orochi drones, my 3 tempest drones, and my ghast drone, that's already 8 drones
i could take like idk. swallowtail drone is pretty great, balor drone is decent in its own way.
probably taking manticore for beckoner/summon tho at least
we're playing as a group of 2 with an NPC mercenary because we only got 3 of us total so we have to be a bit more versatile we can't go all in
the other player is an enkidu and it's tempting to grab some lich so i can caste haste on it to maximize its mobility
but i honestly LOVE having 100,000 perfect little foxes running around the battlefield going "bababooie" and giving the enemy way too many targets to prioritize against
someone who's good with budgeting help my NHP is dying
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Alright so I'm up too late and the autism is flowing hard let's find out what the wordiest token is in mtg
During an insomnia fueled research session, I went through every creature token on scryfall and grabbed the ones that jumped out at me for wordiness. For the purposes of this madness, reminder text does not count, power/toughness text is one word when it is in the effect text, tap and mana symbols are not words, and hyphenated words count as several words. Conveniently, I ended up with exactly ten tokens. Let's run them down.
10th & 9th: Dragon Egg & Earthshaker Khenra - 23 words
The bottom of our loquacious barrel comes with these two. At 23 words each they're nothing to sneeze at, even if Khenra cheats by being an eternalized version of an existing card. The Egg hails from Nesting Dragon, a popular choice in dragons-matter decks wherever they may be found.
8th: Angel of Sanctions - 24 words
Just barely ahead is another Amonkhet token. This time the culprit is Embalm, which like Eternalize amounts to a sort of Flashback for creatures. This ability couldn't find a place outside of Nicol Bolas' schemes on the ancient Egypt-styled plane, likely saving the token printer a not-insigificant amount of black ink.
7th: Heart-Piercer Manticore - 28 words
Listen, there's not that much to say about these niche tokens printed to work with two keywords from a single block six years ago. It gets wordy because the token inherits the entire text of the creature minus Embalm or Eternalize itself. Let's move swiftly along.
6th, 5th & 4th: Elemental, Osgood, Operation Double & Fish- 29 words
Ah yes, here's something I can work with. The Elemental, understandably, is created by Rekindling Phoenix from Rivals of Ixalan. Protect the token until your turn comes round, and your phoenix is reborn. How flavorful. Osgood, however, steps into cheating territory by being a nigh-exact copy of a normal creature that simply copies itself on etb. At least the scarf is snazzy. What really steals the show for me is the Fish token created by the death trigger of Reef Worm. In a delightful depiction of the food chain (which ironically does not work at all with the card Food Chain), the worn is eaten by the fish, the Fish by the whale, and the whale by the kraken. Each card save for the last depicts the oncoming feaster in the background of its art, whereas the Kraken had to also be used by a Kiora planeswalker released alongside it in Masters 25.
3rd & 2nd: Elemental & Temet, Vizier of Naktamun - 31 words
This Elemental hails from Innistrad: Midnight Hunt, created by the Sorcery Sieze the Storm. A single copy of the spell got you two of these electrifying friends thanks to Flashback, and with a properly built spellslinger deck, could make them a real game-ender. Temmet is another Embalm token, this time with the added curiosity that his typeline was so crowded his legendary status was evicted to the rules text, earning him a respectable tie for second.
1st: Vizier of Many Faces - 37 words
As we began, so shall we find the end of our journey with Amonkhet. Oddly enough, the three separate alterations to the copied creature only apply while the Vizier is embalmed, otherwise she's a slightly upcosted Clone. It may be unsatisfying to discover that the culprit behind the wordiest token is the result of the crossing between the famously clunky clone effect and a one off mechanic from 2017, but the knowledge is its own reward, and hey, it killed two hours of a likely sleepless night.
#mtg#magic the gathering#there are probably a few ties in the lower ranks i missed but it would probably lead to more amonkhet block stuff so sue me#they're already half this damn list
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As a pf2e GM I was curious, when you port over 5e monsters to pf2e how do you translate the stat block over? I have a number of bestiaries both official and third party and I'd hate to have them be wasted, but certain things like advantage/disadvantage I don't understand. Or in some cases how to make them more unique than claw and bite multi attack
So, a few tips on some of my 5e to Pathfinder conversions so far. I'm still pretty new at this, so it's not something I can call myself a master of yet, but there's a few simple tricks.
I don't worry about converting advantage/disadvantage exactly. A lot of the time, Pathfinder has a condition or trait already in place that I can slot into place. Such as sickened, clumsy, drained, enfeebled, flat-footed, or many other options. If something would give the creature advantage, give it a +1 or +2 circumstance or status bonus to that effect, if it would cause disadvantage to the target pick a condition that sounds appropriate and use that instead. Pathfinder's conditions are more specific, but that's got a stronger flavor to it. Rather than disadvantage on all attack rolls, cause enfeebled so that the target feels weaker but doesn't penalize everything.
To keep them more unique, just try to pull out 1 thing that they'll do separate from the basic. That can be as simple as a kind of poison, could be a special attack you give them, or a flurry style attack, which is more unique and exciting in Pathfinder than in 5e. In 5e, most every monster can make multiple attacks at some point without trouble. In Pathfinder, generally a monster is limited to 3 actions, and a single attack takes one of those actions. Giving a monster a 2 action flurry to make 4 attacks has a much bigger impact on their action economy and the feel of that monster.
Give monsters some more spellcasting than their 5e comparisons, in particular the various outsiders. Pathfinder spellcasting is more balanced to the expected damage and effects of a monster, in that a monster of a given level is expected to be using powers on par with on level spells. A 7th level monster is balanced throwing out 4th level spells, while in 5e that's not the case at all. A creature with 8th or even 9th level spells might be barely a challenge to a 12th level party, depending on the spell selection (meteor swarm will throw off that curve), which is part of why WotC is moving away from NPCs using actual spells (the other reason is needing to know the rules for all the spells being used by the monster, but if you're playing Pathfinder you're going into a system with more complications expected).
I highly recommend finding stat blocks for 5e monsters and for the same or comparable Pathfinder monster and check out what they can do. Compare the 5e bulette to the Pathfinder one, hydra to hydra, manticore to manticore, and so on. That will give you an idea of the sorts of things Paizo is doing to convert them, how they spice up the features and actions, and a basis for how you can create your own versions. It'll also let you know the sort of actions and abilities that Pathfinder is expecting to include with its creatures, and how they're worded and organized. A lot of the time I'll find that there's already some action in some monster that does the sort of thing I'm looking for, or at least a close enough idea that it's easy to adapt.
I hope that helps a bit! Good luck with your own conversions, and if you want any specific monsters you can always back my Patreon and make a request for a conversion, or I'm planning to update my commissions to start doing Pathfinder monsters.
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Creatures and Cryptids
@maribatmarch-2k21 Day 10: Creatures and Cryptids
Hogwarts Au
~~~~~~~~~~
So, this all started when Jon introduced Damian to his cousin, Marinette, on the Hogwarts Express during their first year. She was bubbly and sweet much like her cousin.
So, when the sorting began and she was sorted into Slytherin it shocked them all, Damian Slytherin and Jon Gryffindor.
The three of them were inseparable even if they were in two different houses.
How they got their hands on the Marauders map their first year was a Mystery. (James and Albus lost it to Filtch their seventh year. And they decided to leave it for future troublemakers like their uncles.) But who were they to look a gift horse in the mouth. The three split their time between their three homes during the summer break. Unlocking most of the Map's secrets.
That meant their entire second year was spent exploring the castle and grounds. But without out any disguise any invisibility hindered them.
Which is why in their third year when they learned about Animagus they started planning. Marinette was the best of the three in potions and herbology. So, she created a secret and dark garden in one of the empty dungeons, as to not be touched by humans she left it grow on its own after a year. During that time, Damian the best in transfiguration trained both Mari and Jon on the spell they needed. Thus, making it a routine and habit to not be broken later on. Jon the best of them in Astrology kept the cycles of the moon and the weather.
Jon made sure the two of them grounded and on track with course work and everything else. It all came to a head their fifth year when they decided to actually attempt the spell. They behind that their best chance to catch a storm would be if they started in September, as the fight full moon was close to the middle of the month and it led into the rainy season.
It was during the first Hogesmele weekend that they heard the incoming thunder.
They waved off their friends, saying they didn't want to be caught in the rain. They quickly made their way to the Room of Requirements where the trio had their potion vials stored. Each were holding a box with their names engraved in them, which held their vials. They listened for the rain that sounded outside. The ceiling had the same enchantment as the Great Hall casting a faint light on the room for them. When a streak of lightning crossed the ceiling, the thunder boomed outside. They opened their boxes to reveal their potions turned blood red.
"It's now or nothing." Jon announced raising his vial.
"No turning back now." Mari stated. "Scared?"
"Tt. Never." Damian responded to the tease.
They each took their vial and spoke the incantation are last time.
When they woke after the transformation there was a bit of a surprise. They had figured there was a chance that they would take the form their Patronus did, but they didn’t think it would be true. Jon had morphed into a peregrine falcon. His grey and white feathers almost shone blue in the faint light. Damian and Marinette both morphed into Iberian Lynxes. Both were small wild cats, yes, but Mari was the smaller and lighter of the two. Damian was slightly larger and darker.
All three tons formed back and laughed at what they had accomplished. This was literally a challenge the three set to accomplish for almost two years. And they succeeded in it.
The rest of their fifth year was spent either roaming the grounds and castle to their hearts content and the dreaded OWLS at the end of the year.
As the three were Prefects for their respective house they all had extra liberties which they used to explore further. Thanks to having a base with the Marauders Map the trio were able to locate a hidden corridor that lead to a clearing that was used from time to time for Care of Magical Creatures, leading Damian to adopt a couple of the creatures that lived in the forest.
The three of them made it a habit to sneak out through the dungeon corridor and out to the clearing at least once a week, to others it may have seemed random, but the creatures who visited them in this little clearing knew when they would show. After all it was regular and thanks to Jon, that they could recognize it always. The creatures that would come would range from Hippogriffs and Nifflers to Pegasus and even the occasional Unicorn.
It wasn’t until the middle of their seventh year that their relationship with them became known. One of the hippogriffs, they nicknamed Sky for his light sky-blue color, was crying, and screeching outside the castle. It came to the point that all classes had to be stopped and teachers went out to calm the distressed creature. Manny students rushed outside to see what would happen. Among them would be Damian, Jon, and Marinette, who immediately recognized Sky, how could they not Jon even helped him start to fly the year before.
When finally spotting them Sky dove towards them and they expected it unlike their peers. A quick bow from both parties and the three rushed to the hippogriff.
"What’s wrong boy," Mari cooed as Damian looked him over, it was no surprise that Damian was aiming to work with magical beasts.
"Mar," Jon pointed to Sky’s clenched talons. Who when they noticed dropped it into Jon’s hand, who gave it to Mari.
"This is Unicorn hair, it’s still a foal. Is it hurt?" She asked the hippogriff who nodded and looked over to the forest. They have an idea which unicorn it is because there is only one unicorn foal on their clearing. Only one who is guarded by the creatures they befriended. "Lead the way. "
And lead he did the three of them went off running following Sky, the teachers right behind them. When they arrived at the clearing, they found the Pegasus that adopted the little unicorn on the ground lying next to the injured creature, wing draped over them protectively. A ring of an assortment of magical creatures surrounded them, including a young manticore that stumbled upon their little group a few months ago. The creatures readily let the three of them in but went back on guard with the teachers.
"Let them in they came to help." Jon assured them all, as the other two went to check the unicorn.
"Mari is this." Damian pointed at an angry wound.
"I think so," she turned and went over to the manticore, the teachers tried to stop her, but they moved away when the manticore approached. "Do you mind if I check your tail? Please?" She spoke softly. The manticore obliged and let her handle his tail. "Yup the Manticore’s stinger grew back." She walked back with the manticore on her heels.
"We’ll need something to combat the poison."
Marinette pulled out a box from her bag, producing a small potion set and another covered box within it. She opened the second box and spoke "Accio Bezoar," a stone landed in her hand which she promptly placed in her mortar and began to prep it. "Damian can you prep a sugar water solution in a bottle please." When the bezoar was a powder, she took the bottle from Damian and mixed the powder in and fed it to the unicorn who happily took the sugary treat.
"Miss Dupain-Cheng, Mr. Wayne, and Mr. Kent explain yourselves." Professor McGonagall demanded.
This spot was near the black lake but still deep enough into the forbidden forest for concern. "You see professor a few years ago when we came down to the lake to do our homework, Sky here barreled into us." Not a complete lie as he had barreled into them, but they’d met and many of the others for a long time before that. "We decided to see If he was okay and when we did the others met up with him at of adopted us into their flock." Also, not far from the truth. "From time to time they seek us out when we are on the grounds if there is a creature in trouble, and we help if we can." The three spoke one after another.
"And you three saw nothing wrong with aiding magical creatures and entering the forest." She asked them again.
"Well most of the time was them seeing if we had any treats for them."
"It was only the manticore before this, and that was just to help him heal a split and pulled out stinger.
"You three are saying you aided a manticore, this little manticore heal a split stinger as he grew a new one." The Care of Magical creatures Professor asked.
"Yes," the three answered unsure.
"May I?" the Care of Magical creatures Professor asked.
Damian and Mari sat down, and Damian was speaking to the creature as the professor looked over the stinger.
"This is extraordinary work you can barely tell where the fracture occurred, and this was you’re doing. "
They only nodded unsure of where this was going. "It seems you three are already quite skilled and well liked between these creatures, trusted as well," the three couldn’t help but chuckle at that. "I see no harm in this so long as they don’t enter the forest wouldn’t you agree Professor."
With that they took the Unicorn to a small padlock and astable on the edge of the grounds and took the trio back to the castle. The rest of the two years passed rather uneventfully and they always made sure to visit the clearing regularly.
~~~~~~~~~~
Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @adrestar @miraculouspenta @vixen-uchiha
#maribat#dc x miraculous#miraculous x dc#dc x mlb#mlb x dc#ml marinette#damian wayne#jon kent#maribatmarch2021#damian x marinette#daminette#maribat hogwarts au
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I watched MOTUR Part 2. It sucks.
Look. I gave it a shot. I wanted to like it, I really did. But this shit borders on insulting. HEAVY spoilers ahead, I need to rant.
First, the minor complaint I think: Dark-Lyn. Her design is ass. This might be a badish picture but seriously, they went with basically Robute Guilliman but a woman aesthetically and it’s just ugly. I like buff ladies, I like strong and powerful ladies, but I’m just saying, this outfit is appalling. As are the changes to her hair. It’s like they had her forsake her femininity for the power. And okay, fair, she wasn’t a dainty little flower throughout the series or anything but it’s like they went out of their way to make her look as manly as possible and then just randomly threw garments on her... Points for the space cape tho. At least Skele-god looked cool, I would argue cooler than He-Man.
Like, for all the exposed muscles, he still has really cool armor, his head is suspended in fire and the cape feels like a natural evolution of the one he already wears. Lyn just looks awful. On to the actual story because it’s an lasagna of asspulls. And to the people who said “Part 1 is only part 1, you’ll get your questions answered in part two!”🖕🖕🖕 Let’s rip into this. So, honestly, I feel that there too many deaths. Including the Sorceress, Clamp Champ, Fisto, a manticore, a legion of thralls, Panthor, about four (maybe three) villains may well have drowned and Beastman gets thrown over a cliff among others. It just feels gratuitous. THEN, there’s Skeletor’s motivation as revealed at the end of part 1 and the fact that he survived. He was dead but hid his soul inside of, and syphoned enough energy from Lyn to bring himself back just in time to stab Adam at the end of part one and basically revealed he was a villain because he was an incel. But he’s canonically boning Lyn. What? Then there’s Lyn’s new origin. Adam’s mom is still from Earth. So why isn’t Lyn? Why aren't Beastman and Tri-Klops? Why did her parents try to eat her? “They were starving.” Yeah but that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking why anyone would write that. That’s just needlessly grim and ugly to a distracting degree. And another thing: Lyn’s character is all over the place through this entire series, she has character development until she basically just doesn’t, and then it goes in a kinda random direction that just feels unsatisfactory. The end of her zig-zag (NOT an arc) is saving Orko from going back to Subternia... By grabbing his wrist (Similar to how she just cancels the teleport spell on Duncan with a touch.) She says no incantation, makes no motions, just grabs his wrist and rather than letting Orko peacefully drift into the afterlife, she somehow binds him back to the land of the living. What. The. Fuck. Also “What the fuck?” She LITERALLY destroyed the Eternian equivalent of heaven and tried to destroy the universe. There is like... no redemption from that. I’m not sorry for thinking it’s irredeemable to attempt an Omni-Hitler. Getting away from Lyn, I don’t mind the idea that Teela is the new sorceress or that she can leave the castle grounds. It’s fine but how she was able to do it, along with the magic earlier in this part of the series just doesn't feel very cohesive. It just feels like “Well she can do this now, shut up and accept it.” And Adam actually gets his own Whisky Tango Foxtrot moment when its revealed he’s a conductive spark for the energy of the universe to the point where he can just say “By the power of Grayskull, I have the power” WITHOUT THE SWORD, and become Tarzan times the Hulk with a side of primordial god. Going back to “Shut up and accept it,” I’m still waiting on answers to things like where the chalice idea came from in part one and who Scareglow actually is. And another thing: What the “Champion” characters can and can’t do feels arbitrary. Lyn decides, mostly just to kill Skeletor, that all of reality needs to die... You destroyed heaven and summoned an army of the dead. Skeletor can send even just and good people’s souls to hell, make undead thralls out of an entire city, any number of things, and you can’t just steal his soul and condemn it to some pocket dimension beyond time and space? You can’t delete his soul? And Skeletor can’t kill this one specific monster that Duncan gets help from later despite the undead army, basically throwing a tiny sun at He-Man and co, etc. What the power can and can’t do is completely random and depends on what the script wants. Revelations had potential even from part one. Neither part is worth watching because part one falls short even though it has you invested, and part two is actively bad. I wanted to like this SO BAD but I just can’t. This is MK 2021 all over again.
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A Beast of an Arc
Context: Before this arc started, I gave my players a choice between three story options: a wedding arc (between my player/girlfriend and my character, who have been affianced since before this entire campaign started over two years ago), Pharony (my character)’s past arc (revisiting the former land of their clan, who had all been killed by my character when they were possessed by evil forces), or the Civility arc. I didn’t tell them anything about this last one, but after discussions, it was determined that the wedding can happen next time, I’m not 100% prepped for the past-arc, and I have almost everything ready for the Civility arc. In-game, their boss asks them to do a favor to check on their friend, Civility, who lives in the Stargazer Mountain range, near this village. She apologizes that this task is going to SUCK, and because of certain rules, laws, and two well-placed curses, Boss cannot talk about the problems they’re about to face–but they’re getting paid at least ten times their going rate.
DM, me: So I’m sending you off with horses–if the village sees you all ride in on your usual mounts (think Dracolisks from Dragon Age: Inquisition), they’ll kill the mounts. And they’re very, VERY against non-humans. (no problem, basic disguises work for the elves and half-elf) Any questions before Vaughn (boss’s husband) sends you off? No? Okay, good! (two in-game days of travel to get to the village after being teleported 1000-ish miles) You enter the dreary village, a couple of food stalls, a clearly-labelled butcher-shop, a blacksmith, an orphanage, a well in the center of town–pretty standard village setup.
H, my GF and cleric-ranger: I approach a foodstall to talk to the woman, buying an apple as we chat.
Me: You hear the screams of a woman in pain coming from the orphanage as the woman seems to pay it no mind.
H: Uhhhh what’s that? *about the screams*
Woman: Oh, that’s just a bastard being brought into the world. *the group chuckles at this, then realizes she’s serious*
H: Oh… uh… hmmm… *OOC: that’s concerning*
D, the bestest bard: I buy the ears of corn she has. *pays an EXORBITANT amount for five ears of corn for her dracolisk*
H&D head back to the two others at the well where they’re watering the horses, trying to decide where to go, about to decide to head to the inn to see if they can find out what’s going on when the doors to the orphanage slam open, a large man stomping out and holding a damp and bloody bundle in one arm, headed towards the well and troughs the group is standing at.
Pr, the Rogue-Wizard: He’s not…
D: I think he is…
H: Oh god, someone do something!
Ph, the barbarian-ranger played by me: He’s definitely gonna.
Pr: I wanna cast… *furious scrolling* where is it…
DM: Take your time, this isn’t a Telltale game, you’re not timed.
Pr: *realizing the spell she took won’t work* I DON’T HAVE HOLD PERSON, SOMEONE HELP.
H: Oh, crap, uhhhhh, SIR! I see you’re about to just throw that bundle out–
Man: It’s an abomination! I’m sending it back to hell, where it belongs!
Pr: Oh god, they sacrifice babies.
Me: *trying not to die from laughter*
H: Well, I mean, how about I buy it from you? *tries hard to convince him, he passes and refuses the money*
Me, OOC: … What is with y'all and trying to just buy the things from people? *laughing, because this is NOT the first time*
H, OOC: Hey, you’re the one that gave us like 30,000 GP.
Me, OOC: That’s fair, my understanding of money in this game is still terrible.
H, back in character: I cast Command! *he fails* I tell him ‘Give’. *he hands over the bundle, which gets passed to the rogue-wizard, who casts an illusion spell that makes it appear as if the bundle has stopped moving*
Pr: *unconvincingly* Oh, no, it died! *rolls deception, does well, they all relax for a moment before the door to the orphanage opens again*
As I die of laughter, they basically repeat the process of command-illusion-deception with bundle number two, taking it from the old crone. Things get a bit serious as the door opens again (to many cries of HOW MANY BABIES ARE THERE) to a young woman, shaking and ashen, sweat drenched and stumbling towards them as she sobbed. Our bard D runs up to the new mother, quietly assuring her all was fine as the others quickly saddled back up and rode out as they used thaumaturgy to cause a minor earthquake, fleeing in the direction of Civility’s castle. After riding hard for a while, they stop to set up camp, check on the babies, and help the new mother dress in borrowed clothes, cloak and cuddle with her children. The children in question look similar to sphynx/manticore cubs, with more human facial features, and the rogue-wizard insists one of them ought to be named after her, she doesn’t care which one.
H: *as an aside, later* You know, if the mother hadn’t shown up, H was ready to suddenly be a mom. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t in the plan at all, but she would’ve done it to save them. Forget giving them to Boss (which is exactly what they did when they found a newborn tiefling in a village overrun with the dead).
Me: I’m glad this is something that Pharony would’ve 100% gone with, because that would’ve made your upcoming nuptials very awkward.
(In the end, they did save Civility, who is Sybil’s spouse and very much a non-human and was being controlled by evil goo (unrelated to the vile actions of the village). Players got paid, and came close to dying, but made it out just fine. Rogue-wizard still wants a baby named after her.)
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So, the basic rundown I have for this is that, through Artemis messing around with some ancient magic he found (either some kind of written spell or artifact) on transfiguration, he winds up spreading the magic not only through himself, but his loved ones. These aren’t the magical creatures he’s familiar with, however- not elves or sprites or trolls, but mythical beasts that even The People barely remember.
He doesn’t know how to turn everyone back yet, though (or if it even can be done)- so in the meantime, everyone just has to start adapting to their new forms until he can find a solution, with Holly and Foaly working to keep knowledge of this situation from reaching the LEP. The problem may have spread farther than initially anticipated, however…
Those affected:
Fowl Sr. and Angeline Fowl: Fairies- no, I’m not talking about AF’s fairies, elves and such. I’m talking full-on Archfey-type fairies, with big beautiful wings and unsettling powers. ‘Get lost in ancient woods’, Seelie/Unseelie fairies. Angeline is a little more chill with this than Tim.
Artemis: Elf?? They think?? His ears are pointed now. He’s a changeling he just doesn’t know it yet. It just suits him.
Butler: Werewolf. Everyone also doesn’t realize it (they just know something is off) until the full moon comes and Butler is suddenly very clearly not human (and not in control of himself either)
Juliet: Also a werewolf except unfortunately she is in America when it first happens.
The Twins- Fairies just like their parents. Beckett’s having a great time being able to somewhat communicate with plants too, while Myles is making the most of his newfound magic to play pranks (particularly on Artemis).
Minerva: A Sphinx. She was not happy about this development, but at least she shares Artemis’s curiosity about the magic in the first place, and is trying her best to take the situation as an opportunity to learn about more magical species, that even The People themselves don’t really know about.
As the group is working to resolve this situation, however, they slowly realize that Artemis’s magic didn’t only spread to his family, but others who encountered fairy magic at his hand- or even simply Artemis himself. This first becomes known to them when they go to find Juliet in America, and hear rumors that something strange has happened at a particular skyscraper in Chicago…
Those affected (pt 2):
Spiro: Gorgon. A. I really love that one ‘rattlesnake’ line in TEC and B. The mental image of the group creeping up to the strangely abandoned-looking Needle only to watch as a statue falls from high above and shatters onto the pavement next to them.
Kronski: Manticore. What could possibly be worse for someone who hates animals so terribly, than to wake up one morning and find yourself an amalgamation of beasts?
Britva: Leviathan. While one can only assume that whatever creature he turned into was more recognizable (and smaller) at some point, by the point the group hear of chaos among the Mafiya up north, the man-turned-monster has made the irradiated waters of the Bay of Kola his new home, and is terrorizing the city of Murmansk. Eventually, one of the Mafiya realize that other well-known Fowl enemies have disappeared as of late, and decides that any lead is better than none- so somebody’s got a call to make.
I need an AU where the Fowls + others wind up turned into mythical beasts due to magical shenanigans so, so bad.
#here have more of my silly AU. yes Artemis and Co. wind up having to go on a sort of ‘roadtrip’ to try to stop what’s going on- or at least#- stop people from getting hurt.#Foxy is the token human here since the man hasn’t seen or heard of the fairies. He’s trying his best to help though.#monster fowls AU
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How about this idea: Ian is walking home from school one day and he gets kidnapped by one of barley's rivals wanting to take revenge on him or something and barley goes on a quest to save his little brother.
Bonus scene: while barley is struggling with the rivals, Ian manages to reach his staff and casts a spell at them and it saves barley, but Ian blacks out and he later wakes up in the hospital with barley and his mom beside him and Barley starts comforting him and have a brotherly moment.
Get ready for some angst with this one! Here you go! This will be the last one for the night. More to come tomorrow!
Barley was a lot of things. His mother and brother would call him loyal, annoying, exciting and overly protective. His friends would call him chill and a great dungeons master. His enemies, however, would call him a jackass or something of the sort. Just depends on the perspective.
The person who probably hated him most was his ex, Drew. He managed to avoid him. While Barley knew damn well he would never forget everything that man put him through, but he tried to move past it.
Especially after he crashed into the van, knocking Ian and Barley out and kidnapping them. He was going to kill Barley, but Ian insisted on taking his place. There was no changing Drew’s mind. He knew how much Ian meant to Barley and he knew that Barley would want nothing more than to protect Ian from him.
Barley still couldn’t sleep at night without hearing Ian’s screams and Drew’s laugh. He stabbed him, but apparently he survived. The wound wasn’t fatal and he was able to get to the hospital in time. Meaning someone was helping him, but Barley had no idea who.
Ian Lightfoot was walking home from school. Barley was working on his online classes and it was a nice day, so he decided against the bus. He texted his brother that he was on his way home and continued to make his way. He was about halfway there, on an older street that not many people lived in, when a car came speeding by.
Drew stepped out of the car. With a gun. Ian reached for his staff, but remembered he didn’t have it. He never took it to school.
“Well, well, if it isn’t little Ian. It’s been awhile, man,” he said. Ian went to run, but it seemed that Drew was reading his mind. “I wouldn’t do that. No one really lives in this neighborhood. I can shoot you.”
“Why can’t you just leave us alone?” Ian snapped. Drew walked over to him and yanked his bag and jacket off, revealing the scars from Ian’s last encounter with him.
“I’ll admit, that was pretty brave, what you did for your brother back there,” he said. Ian froze as Drew smiled at him. He hated this guy. He wanted him dead. Ian cursed his name more times than he could remember for what he did to Barley. He remembered checking in on them after Barley didn’t come home to see him choking the life out of his best friend.
“What do you want?” Ian asked, but his throat felt tight. Drew paused, looked at him with cold eyes before quickly grabbing a fistful of his hair and then slamming his head hard against the car. He collapsed and Ian felt the gravel on his cheek and his head spin. He couldn’t process a single thought, except his wrists being tied behind his back, a gag in his mouth and then his ankles tied.
Drew lifted him up without much effort and tossed him in the trunk of his card like he was nothing.
Barley looked at the clock. Ian texted him three hours ago saying he was on his way home, now he wasn’t answering his phone at all. He drove around everywhere looking, but there was no sign of him.
Worry and anger were building up in the oldest Lightfoot brother when Ian’s picture popped open on his phone. He grabbed it and answered within the first ring.
“Ian, where are you?”
“Sorry, babe, Ian can’t really come to the phone right now,” Barley fell over and landed on the chair when he heard that voice. His heart skipped a beat and he grabbed at his chest.
“Drew.”
“Who else?”
“Where’s Ian?” he demanded. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let him see you afraid. The video turned on and Barley saw Ian in a large dragon cage with a dead bolt lock on it. He tried to look at the background for clues, but couldn’t find any. He had no idea where Ian was. He felt his hands shake and he had trouble keeping the phone steady.
“Alive, but that’s about all I can give him,” Drew responded, indifferently. The camera focuses on Ian, desperately trying to get out of the cage. His forehead was bleeding and several of his scars had been reopened. “Say hi to Barley, Ian.”
“Barley, I’m okay. Whatever he wants, don’t give him!” Ian said, but Drew laughed and kicked the cage, causing Ian to fall in it. He grabbed a key, unlocked it and then dragged Ian out of the cage. Barley could tell from the position of the phone that Drew climbed on top of Ian.
“Hey, babe, does this look familiar?” he asked as he brought his hands around Ian’s neck. He began choking him.
“Stop! Stop. Drew you got me, where are you? I give up! You win!” Barley cried. He didn’t stop. He choked Ian out until his brother fell unconscious. Then he checked.
“He’s still breathing,” Drew informed him. “You have about, I dunno, it took us 3 hours to get here, you have 4 to get him before I kill him.”
“He has nothing to do with this, Drew. Please, if you’re going to kill anyone, kill me,” Barley offered. This was his mess, not Ian’s. His brother got involved because he loved him and wanted to protect Barley from this bastard.
“I could, but we both know this is much more painful to you. If you fail, his blood, your little brother’s blood, will be on your hands, Barley. If you get anyone else involved, I’ll kill him on the spot. I have nothing to lose, but you sure as hell do.”
With that, the phone call ended. Barley stood there for a second, stunned. Three hours to get wherever they were. That meant he had an hour to figure out exactly where that was, or he would be too late. There would be no room for error.
“I’m coming, Ian, I promise. Just hang in there.”
Barley, not proud of this part of the rescue mission, first threw up. He darted to the bathroom and felt all the stress turn to nausea. Then he panicked. One wrong move and Ian could be killed. His brother's life was in his hands.
He thought about Ian, alone, knocked out somewhere with someone who wanted to hurt him, and Barley is at least 3 hours away from him. He couldn't protect Ian and it hurt every fiber in his being.
Wait. Ian's laptop. He had it connected to his phone. Maybe he could find the phone's location on it. He ran up the stairs and went to Ian's desk. He looked up at the picture Ian took of the two of them at the park on day, hanging up on his wall. Then he shook his head. Focus, Barley.
He opened the computer, no password, and looked up the Find My Phone App. Sure enough, he found a location. Three hours away, north. He would have to pass the Manticore's Tavern (Maybe Corey would blow some shit up after he got Ian out?)
No, Drew said not to get anyone else involved. He had to listen, otherwise Ian would pay for his mistakes more.
He looked over and saw Ian's staff. It would be nice for Ian to have something to protect himself with. He grabbed it and his keys, left a note for his mom saying he'd be home soon, and then left. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he opened up a message.
Drew sent him a picture of Ian's back now covered in fresh cuts. Barley had to wipe his tears away to prevent from going off the road. He was going to kill Drew. Nothing would stop him this time. He would make sure the bastard was dead.
Was Ian awake? He must be scared out of his mind. He was just walking home from school and suddenly snatched away with the underline promise of death?
Barley drove as fast as he could. He gave it all he had in his van. According to Maps, Ian was in the middle of the woods. Barley could park the van a little bit away and take the rest on foot. That would give him the advantage of surprise. The only thing that truly mattered was getting Ian out of there as fast as possible.
He would need a hospital. If Barley parked far away, he would have to carry him, but that shouldn't be too hard. Ian was light and Barley had been able to carry him since the day he was born.
Barley had memories of Ian since the day he had been born. Who else could he say that about?
No, no, keep it together, Barley told himself. He made the three hour drive in two hours and thirty minutes. He pulled into the woods, grabbed his sword and Ian's staff and took off. He found a cabin and he crept close to it, listening through the backdoor.
"Barley's going to make you sorry!" he heard Ian's voice. While it was clearly pained, he managed to sound strong and determined. Barley tried to pinpoint the location.
"Your brother isn't here to save you, Ian. You're going to die for his mistakes."
"This isn't his fault! It's yours. My brother is the most amazing guy and you're the one who doesn't deserve him. I'm glad you two broke up. He is worth more than you ever could be."
Even when facing certain death, Ian defended his brother.
"You little shit."
Barley tried the backdoor and opened it quietly. He peaked in and saw in the living room, Ian was in the cage glaring at Drew. His back was pouring out with blood and his eyes showed how much pain he was in. He tried to stand strong, but his legs shook and he had to hold on to the bars to keep from collapsing. Drew was too busy enjoying Ian's suffering to see Barley coming out from behind.
He grabbed the guy and threw him away from Ian. He laid the staff down by the cage and went to look for the key when he felt something slice his back.
"Barley!" Ian cried out. Barley spun around and ducked just in time to avoid Drew's aim to his head. The two began fighting. Barley was terrified, yes, but his adrenaline and anger took over.
No one hurt his brother and got away with it.
Ian watched with horror as Barley and Drew fought. Drew was planning for this. He knew Barley would find them within no time. He knew everything to do to piss Barley off enough to get his mind so blinded by anger, Drew could kill him.
Drew managed to kick Barley in the stomach and his sword fell out of his hand. Ian saw his staff and reached for it. He didn't have much energy, and honestly, he had never felt so exhausted before in his life, let alone tried to use magic when it was like this. He didn't know what would happen.
But as he got the staff in his hands, Drew went in for the kill. Barley glanced over just in time to watch Ian's eyes fill with horror and his brother screamed bloody murder.
"No!" Ian remembered an explosion throwing him back, then nothing.
He woke up in a hospital. Most of his body was covered in bandages and he heard soft crying beside him. His mom was there, sobbing, her hands covering her face.
"Mom?" he asked. His throat burned and tightened and for a moment he wondered if she even heard him, but she looked up at him and cried with relief.
"Ian! Oh my God, my baby," she said and hugged him. It hurt, but he would never tell her that.
"What happened?"
His mom recounted the whole story of his kidnapping, Barley rescuing him, only for Drew to try and kill him, but Ian used magic that Barley had never seen before, It took everything he had, but he caused a throwback spell that was powerful enough to break the cage and get Drew away from Barley.
That's when he lost consciousness. Barley stopped the bleeding for all of his wounds before getting his brother to the hospital. He called his mom crying.
"Where is he?" Ian asked. His mom smiled sadly.
"He went outside to get some air. You've been out for hours now and it's- it's been a scary time. You had us so worried," she said, her voice thick with new tears. Ian managed to squeeze her hand just as Barley walked back in. Their eyes locked immediately.
"Ian," he said and ran over to him and hugged him tightly. Ian managed through the pain and found comfort leaning on his brother's shoulder.
"Barley, you're okay," he said, trying not to cry himself. Their mom stood up.
"I'm going to give you boys some time to talk. I need to check in with the doctors."
With that, it was just them. Barley sat down beside Ian and put his hand on top of the one without the IV. He didn't look Ian in the eyes anymore.
"Thank God you're okay," he said. "I'm so sorry, Ian. I didn't think Drew would go after you like that, but I promise I took care of it."
"What did you do?" Ian asked, but then the moment he asked it, he realized. Barley killed him.
"I made sure I took care of it this time," he answered. Then he shook his head. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is the fact you're here, you're going to be okay and you're safe."
Now that he was out of harm's way, Ian allowed himself to go through everything that happened. He was kidnapped and tortured. He was at the mercy of someone who hated his brother more than anything else in the world and the fact he was alive was a miracle.
But Barley saved him. He faced the man Ian knew he was secretly afraid of to save him. And he killed him. Barley, his sweet, lovable, teddy bear of a big brother, ended his life. Of course, he probably would have done the same thing in his position.
"I missed you," Ian said.
"I missed you, too. I'm glad you're okay," Barley said. Ian allowed his head to fall on to Barley's shoulder and in return, felt his brother's arms wrap around him carefully this time. They both cried. "I love you so much, Ian."
"I love you, too, Barley. I knew you were coming, even if I didn't want you to."
"Well, I can't let someone take you from us, now can I?" Barley responded, with a humorless chuckle. For the first time since this happened, Ian truly felt safe. Barley was here. Everything was going to be fine. "I'll never let anyone take you from me like that. Never."
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Witcher Schools Fighting Styles
The School of the Wolf:
Wolf school witchers take their inspirations from their name sakes. In a fight they are vicious, overwhelming, and constantly moving. When fighting humanoids, they circle their prey, forcing them onto their back foot before lunging in for a swift killing blow. When fighting beasts they weave in and out, taking advantage of every single opening to cause as much damage as possible before dancing out of the way again. Their style is as elegant as it is vicious. As they rely on a mixture of strength and agility, their armor is of medium weight.
Wolf school witchers are also the most likely to team up on a hunt, tackling larger contracts exactly like a pack of real wolves would. Amongst Witchers they have a reputation for being somewhat of an elitist group, socially oriented towards their own but cold and closed off to strangers or those they have learned to mistrust.
Their specific mutagens enhance not only their sight but their sense of smell and hearing as well, and Wolf Witchers have a reputation as excellent trackers. Even blind they are dangerous foes. Their instincts sometimes border on the uncanny, though this also gives them some more animalistic behavior traits as well.
As well as being excellent trackers, they have a reputation for being professionals, with an encyclopedic knowledge of monsters, which has won them considerable renown throughout history.
The School of the Bear:
Bear school witchers are much more selective in their process for choosing potential Witcher trainees. Their specific mutagens can be applied much later (rather than the other schools who have to apply the first trial by the age of twelve at the latest) and thus they can wait to see that their candidates will grow into their preferred body type, which is large and thick set in order to compliment their strength oriented fighting style. The slowest of all Witchers, they more than make up for that in sheer strength and endurance. A Bear school Witcher can outlast almost any opponent in a fight. And as such, their armor is also the heaviest.
They are also the most isolated of the Witcher schools, and instead of teaching several students as a group, each potential Witcher is paired off with a single mentor, often spending several years with them on the Path before heading off on their own. As such, they are also the least bonded with their own school, and will rarely return to their keep outside of training. Luckily, their close ties with the dwarves of the Ammell mountains gives them plenty of places to winter instead.
They have a reputation for accepting contacts on large and dangerous creatures avoided by other schools.
The School of the Griffin:
One of the oldest schools, these Witchers rely heavily on their use of magic. Their signs are incredibly strong, and several Griffin Witchers have been known to posses very subtle mage abilities as well. It is rumored that Griffins try to select children with mage potential for training. Their armor is heavy, and often further enhanced with spells as well. Their fighting style is perhaps the closest to any human style of fighting out of all of the schools, and is based on strict forms and discipline.
They are also very proud of their intelligence, and will approach any hunt armed with as much information as possible. They are firm believers in fighting smart over fighting strong.
They are also the most socialized and civil of the Witcher schools, and have a reputation for courtly manners and chivalric virtues.
The School of the Viper:
The viper school Witchers have a reputation for being fast and silent. They come in low and silent and go directly for the kill. They prize speed and agility above all else, and their armor is therefore as light as possible. They are well known for augmenting their weapons with poison of various kinds, and are not above stabbing an opponent in the back with the twin daggers that they prefer. Their specific mutations are especially resilient against toxins and poison. They also have the unusual ability to regulate their body temperature at will, giving them an impressive edge when it comes to surviving harsh conditions.
Vipers are also well known to involve themselves in the affairs of men, and are not above taking the occasional contract on humans.
As one of the youngest Witcher schools, there are rumors that they were formed specifically to gather information on the Wild Hunt. Certainly their knowledge about the more mystical magical mysteries is astonishing. However, they are incredibly secretive about this information, and will not share it lightly.
A Viper Witcher always repays their debts, rather for good or bad.
The School of the Crane: (credit goes to inexplicifics I believe for creating this school)
Again, a relatively young school, Crane Witchers are also a very cautious lot. They prize stealth above all else. Their fighting style is based on stalking and letting their prey come to them. Their mutations allow them to slow down all bodily functions to become as still as possible, and they can wait for hours until their prey is practically on top of them before bursting into a flurry of movement to attack. Their armor is medium and designed to blend in with their surroundings. They are not above weaving in plant material in order to better camouflage themselves.
They are also endlessly curious, and their more subtle mutations, which rob them of the greater strength and sense of other Witchers, allow them to pass more smoothly amongst human populations. Their keep is constantly changing location, and is in fact less of a strong hold and more of a well built camp site. Crane Witchers are incredibly clever with their fingers, and can build a hut out of reeds and branches in mere minutes.
School of the Cat:
One of the most notorious schools, they are also incredibly dangerous. Known for experimenting with their mutagens, they have produced several rather unstable Witchers over the years. But despite that, they are as skilled and talented as any other Witcher school. Their fighting style is incredibly acrobatic and unpredictable. Adaptability is key to their style. Their armor is relatively light.
Like the School of the Viper, they are known for taking contracts on humans, and have something of a reputation as vicious cut throats. However, there are some Cats who will tell you that the other schools are cowards and hypocrites for staying neutral. Humans can be just as monstrous as the beasts with fur and fang, and nothing tastes quite so sweet as justice served bloody.
Rather than a keep, Cat school Witchers in training move around in a caravan with their teachers, and almost like some sixth sense, Cats on the Path always know where to find their brethren when they need to.
School of the Manticore:
The only school located east of Tir Tochair mountains, they are also one of the most mysterious. Fierce loners, they can go several years without returning to their home keep and travel further afield than other Witchers. They have an incredible knowledge of alchemy, and their mutations allow them to withstand an incredible level of toxicity. Manticore Witchers always have at least one trick or two hidden up their sleeve, whether that be a potion or a bomb. Like the creature they are named for, they always have a poison barb waiting to strike you when you least expect it. Manticore Witchers always carefully prepare for any fight, though once engaged they can enter a mental state similar to a berserker’s rage, as their potions enhance not only their speed but their tolerance for pain as well.
Unlike the other schools, Manticore Witchers are constantly changing their mutations. Their advanced knowledge of alchemy means that they are almost always experimenting with more permanent enhancements, and every Manticore Witcher is a little unique thanks to that.
#the witcher#witcher schools#school of the wolf#school of the bear#school of the viper#school of the griffin#school of the cat#school of the manticore#school of the crane
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Fate and Phantasms #90: Nero Claudius (Bride)
I don’t normally redo builds unless I really mess things up (sorry again Liz) because there’s still like 200 servants and counting left to go, but Nero was really insistent that she get another build. This time we’re doing Nero Bride, who’s like Nero, but in a bridal gown.
If you don’t want to read through the whole spiel to find out what’s different, I’ll break it down right now:
There’s fewer charming spells since you’ve found the person you want to spend your life with, but in exchange you get more healing and buff spells to help them out.
We also take a quick dip into Cleric for even more party helping magic and features, but you’ll still be able to get ninth level spells if you want to make the Golden Theater.
Check out Nero’s build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!
Next up: Root (Honorific)
Race and Background
We’ve already covered Nero, but for the sake of not making you go back to a different build we’ll repeat ourself. You’re a Human Noble, giving you History and Persuasion proficiency. Since this is a variant of the normal Nero we’ll also make you a Variant Human, getting +1 Charisma and Wisdom along with Religion proficiency. You can’t always count on someone being their to officiate your wedding, so you have to be able to do it yourself. You also pick up the Lucky feat, which lets you roll an extra d20 to an attack, ability check, or saving throw and use either roll. You can also use this when an enemy attacks you as well, but all uses are limited to three times per long rest. Honestly it’s kind of weird regular Nero didn’t have this, but there’s no sight like hindsight.
Ability Scores
Your highest score should be Charisma like always; you’re the darling rose of Rome, and you also have mild reality-warping abilities based on how you think the world works. Second highest is Dexterity- you need to be able to pull off fancy swordplay and survive fights in a dress. Third is Wisdom- a good marriage is based in honesty, trust, and open communication, and that’s all wisdom. Also we need it for multiclassing. After that is Constitution, because we’re not dumping that. Your Intelligence isn’t super high, you’re still Nero, but we’re dumping Strength. Lifting weights is for other people.
Class Levels
1. Bard 1: Starting off as a bard nets you proficiency in Dexterity and Charisma saves, as well as three skills of your choice. Grab Performance and Acrobatics for your stage presence, and Animal Handling for your riding skill. You also gain Bardic Inspiration, a number of d6 per long rest equal to your charisma modifier that you can hand out as a bonus action to nearby creatures. They can then add this die to one attack, save, or check that they make within the next 10 minutes.
You also get to cast Spells using your Charisma as a casting ability. Pick up Friends, Animal Friendship, and Charm Person for your prerequisite charm spells, Cure Wounds to heal yourself or your significant other, Prestidigitation for minor magical effects, and Unseen Servant so you don’t have to lug your own bags around.
2. Bard 2: Second level bards are a Jack of All Trades; even if you’re not good at something, you think you are, and that’s enough reason to add half your proficiency to checks that don’t already use it. You also learn a Song of Rest, adding 1d6 to healing done on short rests. That’s a little less in character, but it’s free healing, don’t knock it. Also thanks to Tasha’s you get Magical Inspiration, allowing your inspiration to go just a bit further. Creatures can now use your inspiration die on healing spells or damage dealing spells, adding that roll to one affected creature.
Also, you’re so inspiring you evoke Heroism in one creature, making them immune to being frightened and giving them temporary hp each turn for up to a minute.
3. Bard 3: Third level bards pick a college, and of course you’re a bard of whis- just kidding, you’re still a Swords bard. This nets you the Dueling fighting style, as well as the ability to wield a scimitar. You also get Blade Flourishes, allowing you to spend bardic inspiration dice to deal extra damage an gain extra effects. A Defensive Flourish adds the roll to your AC until your next turn. A Slashing Flourish deals the extra damage to another nearby creature as well, and the Mobile Flourish pushes the creature away, and you can react to follow them. Everything you do is beauty, and now you can literally weaponize that beauty too.
As a bard you also get your first round of Expertise, which doubles your proficiency in two skills. Pick Performance and Acrobatics to perfect your public presence.
To go even further, you learn how to Enhance Ability, giving yourself or a special someone proficiency in one kind of ability checks for up to an hour. Also, if you choose Constitution checks they gain 2d6 temporary hp, Strength checks double their carrying capacity, and Cat’s Grace prevents falling damage from less than 20′.
4. Bard 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Dexterity, increasing your sword skills and armor class. You also pick up the spells Mending and Lesser Restoration to help patch up the party, as well as your fancy outfit.
5. Bard 5: Our last level of bard before we dip enhances your Bardic Inspiration to d8s, and you become a Font of Inspiration, letting you regain inspiration on short rests instead of long ones.
This is also the first level you can use third level spells, and Intellect Fortress is a pretty smart pick. It gives you or a loved one resistance to psychic damage, plus advantage on intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saves.
6. Cleric 1: If we want a marriage, you might have to do it yourself. There’s no class that can do that better than a cleric. First level clerics can cast and prepare Spells with Wisdom. You also pick a divine domain; since the Unity domain has been deprecated, you’re now a Peace cleric. At first level you become an Implement of Peace, giving you proficiency in Insight, because it’s the only option you don’t already have.
You can also make an Emboldening Bond between a number of creatures equal to your proficiency bonus that are within 30′ of each other as an action. For up to 10 minutes afterwards, those creatures can add 1d4 to an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw once per turn if there’s at least one other bonded creature within 30′ of it. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your proficiency bonus. I guess Nero is just more progressive about polyamory than Artemis is, at least until I finish the updates.
For your spells, pick up Guidance and Resistance to add a d4 to a creature’s next check or save, respectively. Thaumaturgy has a lot of uses, but it also makes you three times louder. Not better, just louder.
You get another Heroism and Sanctuary for free, but I’d also check out Bless for bonuses on attack rolls and saving throws, Ceremony for the wedding abilities, and Command for another charming spell. I said we’d get less, not none.
7. Cleric 2: Second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in one of two ways. Turn Undead forces undead near you to make a wisdom save (8 + your wisdom modifier + proficiency) or be forced to run away from you until they can’t or they take damage. However, you can also make a Balm of Peace, using your action to move without provoking opportunity attacks, and moving within 5′ of another creature allows you to heal them for 2d6+ your wisdom modifier once per channel. You only have one healing skill so going on a spree like this is odd, but it’s not the worst way to break character.
8. Cleric 3: Third level clerics get second level spells. Aid lets you add extra HP to some creatures’ maximums, and Warding Bond lets you take half the damage for a creature for up to an hour. Sometimes love requires sacrifice.
For spells outside your domain, Spiritual Weapon gives you a cool glowing sword you can swing around without getting into danger, and Calm Emotions makes you a soothing source of relief, either ending a charming or frightening effect on a creature or making a hostile creature indifferent towards you for up to the duration. Love makes us all better people. Or generally less murderous people, at least.
9. Bard 6: Back in bard now, you get Countercharm, letting you spend an action to give advantage to a creature that’s being charmed or frightened. Why you wouldn’t just use calm emotions, I don’t know. Regardless, you also get an Extra Attack, letting you attack twice with the attack action.
Your sword might not be magical yet, but it can look magical thanks to Daylight. This spell creates a 60′ sphere of light that can be applied to an object you’re holding, like a sword, and it also destroys darkness made by spells of third level or lower.
10. Bard 7: Seventh level bards get fourth level spells, like Charm Monster. Sometimes you bring Manticores back to the house like they’re lost puppies, that’s just an adorable quirk of yours.
11. Bard 8: Use your next ASI to enhance your Charisma for more inspiration and stronger spells. You also pick up the spell Locate Creature. Look, putting a tracking device in your loved one isn’t creepy, it’s common sense. Don’t judge her.
12. Bard 9: Your Song of Rest improves to use d8 as well, and you can use fifth level spells like Greater Restoration, which can end effects like charms, petrification, curses, ability score reductions, and hp reductions.
13. Bard 10: The tenth level of bard increases your Bardic Inspiration to d10s, and you gain Expertise in two more skills. By this point you’re almost definitely married, so boost your Insight and Persuasion to make sure it’s a happy marriage.
You also learn Magical Secrets for the first time, two spells from any spell list. Pick up Haste to double a creature’s speed, add 2 to its AC, give it advantage on dexterity saves, and give it another action on each of its turns. After the spell ends it can’t move or take actions for a turn, but that’s a small price to pay. You also pick up Holy Weapon to turn your sword into an appropriately shiny magic weapon. For up to an hour, your weapon emits bright light, and deals extra radiant damage. You can also spend a bonus action to end the spell early and detonate the weapon, dealing even more radiant damage to creatures of your choice and possibly blinding them if they fail a constitution save.
Also grab Message. Communication is the heart of a good relationship, and now you can do it at long range.
14. Bard 11: Eleventh level bards get sixth level spells. Heroes’ Feast will help you cater your wedding without breaking the bank.
15. Bard 12: Use this ASI for more dexterity for higher damage and AC.
16. Bard 13: Thirteenth level bards see their Song of Rest grow to a d10, and they can use seventh level spells. Mirage Arcane lets you alter the terrain in a 1 mile square, and add structures where none are present, like, say, a golden theater. The illusion includes tactile elements, so it’s hardly even an illusion at this point. The big requirement is that you can’t radically change the terrain’s shape, so no flattening out part of a mountain to lay your theater on.
17. Bard 14: Fourteenth level swords bards can use a Master’s Flourish, replacing their inspiration die with a d6 to save on uses. There’s now no drawback to flourishes, so use them as much as you’d like!
You also get another round of Magical Secrets. Since this version of Nero could only exist in a dream, the Dream spell is a logical fit, letting you enter another creature’s dreams to either send them a message or give them a nightmare, dealing psychic damage and ruining their sleep. You also get Steel Wind Strike, to let you dramatically teleport around the battleground before everything explodes into blood behind you.
18. Bard 15: At fifteenth level your Bardic Inspiration maxes out at d12, and you learn eighth level spells. Glibness makes you even more charming than you already are, making your minimum roll for a charisma check always 15, and it’s impossible to magically telling if you’re lying. You know that whole thing about openness and honesty I said earlier? Maybe that’s not true. The real secret to marital bliss is lying well.
19. Bard 16: Use your final ASI to maximize your Charisma for the strongest spells and the most Inspiration you could possibly hand out.
20. Bard 17: Our capstone level gives you another boost to your Song of Rest; now it also uses a d12. You also get a ninth level spell- Foresight. This gives you or a willing creature advantage on all attacks, checks, and saving throws, immunity to being surprised, and attacking creatures have disadvantage for the duration, 8 hours with no concentration.
Pros
You have a flair for the dramatic, and if your DM allows for creativity, you’ll be doing very well at the table. Be the star you were always born to be!
You’re very charming. With a maxed out charisma, Glibness, and plenty of spells to help out when your natural skill fails you, you’ll get your way most of the time.
You’re also very supportive of the rest of the party. With healing along with buffs like enhance ability, haste, foresight, and bless, your backup will be almost as amazing as you are.
Cons
Most buffs and charming spells require concentration, and with your constitution you probably won’t make your save that often without help. It also means you have to choose between effects, whether you should keep a creature under control or help the rest of the party with a buff can be a difficult decision.
Your Wisdom also isn’t amazing, which means your non-healing effects from Cleric aren’t that powerful compared to your bard features.
All your damaging spells are either impractical for fighting or tied to your melee attacks, so your range is looking a little short. For all its benefits, your Imperial Privilege won’t let you fly after those harpies.
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Please imagine with me:
A giant, glowing golden dragon, slowly winging its way toward the Kaedweni royal palace.
Dozens of guards and servants absolutely LOSING THEIR SHIT.
And Queen Milena in the middle of all this, rushing onto a balcony and greeting him with transparent glee and zero fear.
...at least until he opens his mouth.
"Your father plans to wed Marika to Duke Velen."
"He WHAT? How DARE he?!? After all he put us through!"
(Lambert quietly puts out the call for his brothers, friends, and tentative allies. It's time to go a-conquering again.)
Lambert brings the Wolves. His two best friends Aiden and Coen bring the Cats and Griffins, respectively. Aiden's brother Gaetan has an in with the Vipers via Letho, and Geralt won't admit that he gets along with the Bears, but he totally does. By that point the Manticores and Cranes have heard and showed up, so it's a very large army of witchers that marches to Redania.
They arrive just in time to see Marta kiss Prince Haribert...
...and immediately turn into a succubus, while the prince becomes an incubus.
"And that," states Yennefer, who helped portal them closer to the capital, "is why you don't try to get around one of MY spells."
Duke Velen immediately calls off his own wedding to Marika, not liking where this is going, and Haribert summons the mage Stregobor to break Yennefer's spell.
The attempt backfires. He is now Slugobor, cursed with intelligence and speech but absolutely no magic.
The prince and his bride are still an incubus and succubus. When the king learns that the "great treasure" promised in Yennefer's original spell is ONLY finding true love - and nothing material at all - he threatens her.
Briefly.
Lambert gains a second kingdom that day, and has to do some quick talking to calm his fiancée Milena, who hisses "if you make me an empress, I will never forgive you! I went to that tower to ESCAPE court, not get trapped in two of them!"
"But, darling...at least if it's OUR court, we can make the rules?"
All hail Wolflord Lambert and Wolflady Milena, reluctant rulers of increasing amounts of the northern continent...
I need Lambert/Milena in a Shrek AU.
Just imagine with me:
Duke de Roggeven insults a powerful wizard (we all know he would - he'd be lucky if it was only ONE) who then curses his daughters. All three of them.
(ETA: he pissed off Yennefer. Probably insulted her mixed elven heritage and/or her inability to have kids, so she went "alright. Let's see how you feel when YOUR daughters are inhuman and infertile monsters.")
By night, each of them transforms into a different non-human humanoid: Marta is a succubus (all her lust for power and a crown turned into a different kind of lust - and we'll pretend that succubi *can* live without sex, but they feel sick and hungry the whole time), Marika is an elf (still elegant and pretty, but inhuman enough to shock everyone - Marika didn't piss off Yennefer), and Milena is a witcher (Yennefer saw her strength and kindness and went "this suits you.")
Marta, of course, spends the entire time being FURIOUS at being some "sex obsessed half goat! I am the daughter of a DUKE! The ELDEST DAUGHTER! How dare she!" Marika isn't happy, per se, but she privately goes "it could be a LOT worse. I'll take it." Milena actually enjoys her new abilities - she's so strong! Her senses are much sharper! - and the eyes are rather pretty.
After being COMPLETELY HORRIFIED that his daughters (well, mostly Marta) are cursed to become non-humans by night, Duke de Roggeven locks them in a castle guarded by a dragon and then pretends that he's sent them abroad to stay with distant relatives.
Meanwhile, Marta is getting on EVERYONE'S last nerve with her constant bitching, Marika is trying to keep their lifestyle as pleasant as possible, and Milena...
Milena befriends the dragon. She thinks Villentretenmerth is fascinating, and when she learns that the three ladies who showed up to help the sisters are also dragons, she wants to learn as much as they can teach her.
(Marta refuses to acknowledge any of them. "I will not consort with beasts," she sniffs hautily, and locks herself in a private bedroom every night before sunset.)
So! Back in Redania, Duke de Roggeven has convinced everyone that Yennefer's line about "whoever breaks the curse will gain a treasure greater than gold or gems" means that they can gain literal treasure (and/or magical treasure) by rescuing and marrying his daughters, and not - to take an example COMPLETELY at random - their true love as a bride.
(Yes, true love is the cure. Of course it is.)
So the asshole king of Kaedwen hears about the supposed princess and holds a huge tournament - and Lambert shows up because "that fucker dumped a bunch of refugees in our mountains, the fucking bastard. Who does that?!"
Jaskier, being one of the refugees - and also a bard who can sense the potential for a good story - insists on coming with him. They 100% do the "Donkey won't stop singing until Shrek snaps at him to shut up - and then he hums" scene.
About five times.
(Geralt and Eskel either stayed home to help Vesemir manage the refugees or hang around the Kaedweni court to remind the king of his promise - and make sure he doesn't get any even WORSE ideas.)
(Lambert REFUSED to stay in Kaer Morhen when Vesemir was being bossy - "I get enough of him riding my damn ass during fucking winter, NO GODSDAMNED WAY." And his brothers very sensibly refused to let him stay in court longer than absolutely necessary because, uh, they've MET Lambert and they know exactly how badly it would go. So he gets rescue duty by default. At least the princess will be happy to get to Ard Carraigh and away from him. They send Jaskier with him to try to temper some of his, uh, Lambert-ness.)
Anyway! Lambert and Jaskier arrive at the tumbledown castle guarded by a dragon, and Jaskier is immediately like "oh how wonderful! How majestic! Look at that wingspan!" And Lambert is like "...remember how we're here to fight the bastard? We have to GET PAST HIM to rescue whatever noble bint got stuck out here."
Jaskier pouts.
Villentretenmerth finds all this terribly amusing, especially since he recognizes a witcher when he sees one. So he sticks his nose in their camp and asks (rumbles) "what makes you think that even a witcher can defeat the greatest and oldest of dragonkind?"
So Jaskier introduces them - as dramatically and fancily as possible - and states that they are here to rescue the princess.
Milena creeps out from Villentretenmerth's wing. "We are the daughters of the Duke de Roggeven, and there are three of us. I hope you will still take us home?"
Villentretenmerth sighs. This girl. Always getting underfoot. "I will let you take the ladies with you - but you must convince them to leave freely. If they refuse - now or later - I will take them back."
"He sent THREE girls to some remote fucking castle? Fucker. Yeah, I'll take you all. Jask, let's find 'em and get out of here."
So Milena leads them up to the tallest tower where her sisters spend their day. I can't decide if I want Marta to do the whole "sleeping beauty waiting for a kiss" thing (assuming that JASKIER is her princely rescuer and Lambert is just there as a guard.) If she does, she'll get a rude surprise when Lambert shakes her awake and tells her to pack anything she's taking with her, they're LEAVING.
So the guys get the ladies and lead them out - pretending to ignore the hissing and squabbling that said ladies are doing behind the men's backs - and are unhappily surprised AGAIN because not only are their rescuer(s) NOT a prince and his retinue, they don't even have HORSES.
The dragons, of course, are watching this with amusement...and no little relief at getting rid of Miss Complainer the Eldest.
I'm gonna say it takes less than two days for Marta and Lambert to have a truly nasty fight. She wants a horse. A private carriage, really, but she'll SETTLE for a horse. Purebred, obviously. And fashionable new dresses, and BATHS, and food cooked in an actual KITCHEN, and a private bedroom from sundown to sunrise, and...
Lambert is just like "look lady, I don't get any reward until I deliver you, I don't have the coin for any of that, and I wouldn't waste on stupid fucking luxuries if I did."
This does not go over well. At all. There are very angry words shouted about his lack of preparation, decorum, breeding, proper dress...the list is endless.
Lambert gives exactly zero shits.
Milena is watching the fight with interest - she finds him FASCINATING - and Marika is mostly trying to stay out of it. She agrees with Marta on most of the points - their tower-castle was reasonably comfortable, certainly more so than this long hike back to civilization - but also, freedom.
If only they were returning home instead of to a strange country...
Which is about when Villentretenmerth - as the human Borsch - walks into their camp, accompanied by the three dragon woman who have been tending to the sisters. "Marchionesses. Wolf. Bard. I warned you I would take the ladies back if they wished to leave your company."
"The TOWER is better than staying with this BARBARIAN," Marta sniffs. "And Father arranged for marriages for Marika and I already!"
(She knows she gets the crown prince - and she knows that Kaedwen's king is a murderous asshole. Being queen doesn't count if she's not alive to enjoy it...and she won't have allies there to help her plot regicide. She's ambitious, not stupid.)
Somehow, it works out that Borsch and his friends take Marta and Marika back while Lambert and Jaskier continue to Kaedwen with Milena. There is ABSOLUTELY a scene where Lambert is out hunting when bandits try to attack the supposedly unguarded noblewoman and bard, and Milena thoroughly kicks their ass.
Lambert runs back just in time to be HELLA aroused impressed at Milena. Jaskier is already composing an ode to her.
They arrive at Ard Carraigh. Stuck up knights send for the king, who pretends he's a decent person long enough to carry Milena off on a fancy horse. Half an hour later, just as Lambert is moping about losing his new friend, his brothers arrive and go "quick, where's the lady? We have to get out her out of here!"
A very confusing but short explanation-argument later, Eskel and Geralt are chasing after Lambert as he storms the royal palace BY HIMSELF, because like hell will he leave Milena to that monster!
The confrontation is absolutely the most dramatic thing Ard Carraigh has seen in decades, with the witchers storming in just after Milena is crowned but before she can kiss her new husband...
...whom Lambert immediately punches in the face. "HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU KILLED?!? HOW MANY, ASSHOLE? Did you even bother to COUNT THEM?"
Everyone gasps. Eskel and Geralt keep the guards back with drawn swords.
"NO MORE! I *WILL NOT* let you murder Milena for your sick fucking games!"
The king tries to splutter something, but Lambert takes his head off before he can get it out.
And then the sun sets.
And Milena...changes.
Scars from her training with the dragons, greater muscles than any noblewoman should have, and her eyes...
She shrieks - not at the king's death or the witchers' violence, but at her own secret coming out. She's hidden it for so long, and so carefully...she'll never survive this. The Kaedweni court will turn her out, if they don't execute her with her (very briefly) husband -
And then Lambert takes her hand.
"Milena? Are you...okay? Did they hurt you? What happened?"
"I'm CURSED! My sisters and I are cursed - for years now!"
He looks at her. "Y'look fine to me. It suits you."
"Really?"
"I wouldn't lie to you. Never have, never will. And I think you look - good. Really good. The dress is kinda silly - "
Milena giggles. She thought the same thing, when her maids were lacing and buttoning her into the massive thing.
"But YOU are gorgeous. Always have been."
"You still like me? Even..."
"As mutated and scarred up as I am? I'd have to be a fool not to. You're the bravest, strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met."
And she kisses him. She has to, can't hold it back.
(Cue the curse breaking - and leaving her as a witcher.)
Obviously there's cleanup, but Milena IS the queen, and is suddenly betrothed to the man who killed the murderous previous king - so it works out.
And then Villentretenmerth comes back.
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The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 3, Ch. 7
PART 3: THE YEAR OF QUIDDITCH & MAGICAL CREATURES Chapter 7 - Care of Magical Creatures
Charlie
Almost half a year since our first Care of Magical Creatures lesson I still remember just how amazing it was. Nova and I have been waiting for that Thursday of double Care of Magical Creatures since our First Year.
We knew that Professor Kettleburn was going to give us a tour of the School's Creature Reserve and at some point, we knew we would have to take care of a creature or two. How did we know all of that? Let's just say we have our sources for the important stuff just like Tonks had a Third Years tudent last year to buy Dungbombs for her.
It was a nice change to have at least one class with all the other Houses. It meant that Nova, Tonks, and I could all have the lesson at the same time. At first, we were a bit skeptical about Slytherins but they have been really good and a lot of them are big animal lovers.
That Thursday, I woke as excited as on Christmas morning. I got dressed, stuffed the list of creature predictions, Nova and I made, into my pocket, went down for breakfast and I couldn't wait for the rest of the lessons to end so we would go meet Professor Kettleburn on the School Grounds.
The class hasn't even begun and I knew that Kettleburn was going to be my favorite professor. Tonks was a little taken aback when she saw that he had a claw for one hand, was missing an eye, and had a wooden leg. I, on the other hand, admired him to still be so passionate about his work after all the harm creatures have done to him.
I was wondering if I was going to get any scars or lose an arm or a leg when I start working with Dragons. A burn would be painful and would make my mum worried sick, but I think it would look amazing!
Professor was smiling all the time and loved anyone as excited to work with creatures as he was. He was the total opposite of Professor Binns who was not only dull but seemed to teach History of Magic just out of spite so that nobody else could get his position.
After his brief introduction about all the creatures we were going to learn about and work with in our Third Year, some that were included were a Niffler, which made Nova jump, a Bowtruckle, a Firecrab, and a Kneazle for which Tonks finally got more interested in the subject.
“But before we start learning about all these fascinating creatures, I have to show you something.” Professor Kettleburn got even more excited if that was even possible. “As Third Years, you are old enough for me to tell you that Hogwarts has its own Magical Creatures Reserve.” Oh, this was it!
Nova and I looked at each other, trying to hide the fact we already knew about it.
“We are going to go see it now. Just bear in mind that some of the creatures in the reserve can be quite dangerous so stay in line and don't touch anything.” Kettleburn's face got serious for the first time that day.
We followed him through the thin woods at the end of the School Grounds and as if we went through the wall between Platforms 9 and 10, a whole new world was in front of us.
I couldn't believe just how big it was and my hopes for seeing a Dragon just went up by 100%!
“As some of you would know, not all creatures can live and thrive in the same environment and some mustn't be close to one another as some consider others food and if they don't like each other's energy, they might want to attack one another.” Kettleburn explained.
“So, we have Grasslands. This is where we will spend most of our time this year. Here you can find Nifflers, Porlocks, and Abraxans.” He pointed towards a path, that leads to what looked like a big meadow, with his claw hand.
“Then we have the Forest, which we will visit by the end of this year. In here we have Fairies, Gnomes, and Bowtruckles to name a few.” He gestured us to go forward.
“This is the Dark Forest and we won't go in here until your Fifth Year.” Some of us sighed. “You will be able to study creatures like Unicorns and Chimeras in there.” Nova squealed when Kettleburn mentioned a Chimera. I chuckled as I remembered she told me on the day we've met that she wanted to own one when she was a child.
“By the Lake,” Kettleburn continued walking and we followed, “you can find Grindylows, Murlaps, and Flobberworms.” We moved forward.
“Now in this one...” he chuckled as if remembering a funny memory. “In the Rocky Mountains, we will be studying a Mountain Troll in your Sixth Year, a Manticore, and a Griffin. You will also find Doxies in there and Frost Salamanders.” Nova's hand went up at once. Professor nodded that she could speak.
“Professor, will we be able to take care of a Frost Salamander?” The hope in her voice was simply adorable. Next to a Chimera, Nova wanted to have a Salamander of any kind as she found them extremely cute, and learning about one and taking care of one in the Reserve would be a dream come true for her.
Professor Kettleburn scratched his chin with his claw and gave her question a thought. “Perhaps something can be arranged if your O.W.L.s for Care of Magical Creatures will be good, Miss Blackwood.” He smiled at her and at that moment I knew that Nova will start studying for the O.W.L. as soon as we are done with the class today.
“In Scorched Vale,” the Professor continued, “we have some of the most dangerous creatures that our school owns. We won't be going in there but I will bring a creature from it to our class when we study Firecrabs this year.” My hand was the one that shot in the air now. Professor Kettleburn smiled.
“Professor, are there Dragons in there?” I couldn't stop myself from asking. If there were creatures in there that were the most dangerous, even though I knew that smaller beasts than Dragons can be extremely dangerous, I found it a perfect place for them and it is called SCORCHED Vale!
“There might be.” Was all our teacher said and winked at me. If I didn't want to make a good first impression on him, I would've run in there right past him. I knew there had to be Dragons somewhere around Hogwarts!
The thing was, how would I be able to sneak inside? Getting inside the Forbidden Forest was hard enough with Hagrid always keeping an eye on the entrance behind his hut ever since Aragog told him about a visit he received from a blue and red-haired student.
Let me tell you we were in shock when Hagrid told us he knew we were in the Forest alone and for a moment we really couldn't understand how did he find out. Then he told us that he visits Aragog frequently and that even though he is blind, his younglings told him as many details about us as they could.
We had to promise Hagrid that we would never go in there again and even though we did and we haven't been inside since we have been searching for new ways to sneak in.
Professor Kettleburn was the one who showed us to the Creatures Reserve and even though the path to it from the School Grounds is pretty simple, he did have to use some kind of a spell for the Reserve to be visible to us, otherwise, a student, exploring, could easily stumble upon it. And knowing Dumbledore, he had to put some protective enchantments around it so that enthusiasts like me wouldn't wander inside when not allowed.
“The last reserve, that Rubeus and I are quite proud of, was opened just before the start of this school year. It's called the Foggy Moor. There aren't any creatures inside yet but we are having a Kappa delivered in a few months.” He beamed. “If you haven't learned about Kappas and how to defend yourself from them in your Defence Against the Dark Arts class, I advise you not to go anywhere near this place.”
He then took us back to the Grasslands and showed us the Nifflers and an Abraxan. We were lucky Nova's aunt was breeding them as when she told Kettleburn he bombarded her with questions, allowing us to play with the Nifflers until the end of the class.
The only thing missing in our first Care of Magical Creatures was Hagrid, for who I am sure he would love to be with us. I knew he helped take care of these animals and I wondered if we could try and convince him to take us with him sometime. The whole Reserve seemed less dangerous than the Forbidden Forest.
—
The next time we had the class, we were in for a big surprise. Next to Professor Kettleburn was a beautiful young Hippogriff. He explained that they just delivered him to be taken care of inside the Creatures Reserve and that he thought we could have a little lesson with him before he settles into his new home. His name was Chestnut and he was a beautiful brown color.
A Slytherin boy by the name of Barnaby was the first to try and befriend the Hippogriff. I had a chance to talk to him before class and it turns out he loved animals just as much as Nova and I did.
Barnaby looked like he knew what he was doing as he approached the Hippogriff with an extended hand and a bowed head. Chestnut, however, wasn't as keen to knowing him and Professor Kettleburn told him to retreat. I was the next to try and at first, it looked like the Hippogriff was going to bow back but changed his mind at the last second almost knocking me to the ground.
After a couple of failed attempts, which included Tonks, who accidentally looked him in the eyes, and a Slytherin girl who was so afraid that the Hippogriff sensed it and rejected her immediately, it was Nova's turn.
She took a deep breath and stepped forward slowly. She murmured something to herself that sounded like 'you got this' and bowed her head. She stood there for a second then extended her arm and took only one step closer to the Hippogriff. It looked like she was waiting for him to respond. The creature was just looking at her rather peacefully.
She bowed her head even lower and again only made one step. She waited again and she did this until she was only a step away from the Hippogriff. I couldn't help but admire her. She was so amazing. She saw how we all failed before her and she decided to take a slower, improvised approach.
I almost missed the part when the Hippogriff took a step backward and bowed to Nova. I was staring at her as if she was the centerpiece of an exhibition. When the creature bowed to her, I snapped from my daydreaming, feeling my cheeks burn red. Which was happening a lot lately, whenever Nova did something amazing. I was in awe that she managed to befriend the Hippogriff.
“10 points to Ravenclaw! Now look at it and offer your hand and perhaps he will let you touch him.” Kettleburn was as proud as ever and he was having just as much fun as we were which made the class even better.
Nova took another deep breath, bowed again still not looking the creature in his eyes, and extended her arm, approaching him. The Hippogriff bowed his head and not much to my surprise let Nova touch his beak. I could see that she wanted to jump from excitement but she knew she shouldn't make any sudden movements. She looked as if from a fairytale, petting Chestnut. Her long hair was moving with the wind and she was so graceful standing next to the creature.
I couldn't take my eyes off her and I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to call her my best friend. She was an amazing Quidditch player, she understood my stupid jokes, she loved animals and she was crazy enough to save me from an Acromantula last year. I felt my cheeks burning when Professor Kettleburn snapped me out of it, announcing the end of the lesson.
“Did you see that? Did you see it, Charlie!” Nova jumped to me, clapping her hands, her smile from one of her ears to the other one.
“I did! I am so jealous! How did you manage to do it?” I wanted to know her secret.
“There's this trick my aunt taught me. If you have to approach an Abraxan and you see he is not having it, you should do the same but slowly and listen to the creature's response.” She said proudly. “And since nobody managed to do it the Kettleburn way, I decided that it couldn't hurt if I try the method on the Hippogriff and it worked Char! How awesome am I?” She explained as we were walking back to school, shaking my arm while doing so.
“The most awesome.” I smiled, my cheeks turning pink again.
We decided to go to the Lake as that was our last class of the day and see who did better at predicting which animals were inside the Reserve. We were tied as Nova's list contained a Salamander, a Fairy, a Doxy, and a Niffler, and mine had a Kneazle, a Porlock, a Mountain Troll, which I really thought I wasn't going to get right and a Dragon. Even though Professor Kettleburn didn't explicitly say that there are Dragons in the Reserve, Nova allowed me to get a point for it anyway.
The next day Nova and I decided to introduce Barnaby to Hagrid as we knew he would like him as much as we do. We then spent the entire afternoon looking through the list Barnaby made predicting the creatures in the Reserve as well, saying that he had a little birdie that told him about it last year, and as Nova and I exchanged looks, we knew we made a new friend.
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Going Through Lots of Denial
Alternate title: Encounter with another Beast
Alright this story is definitely not to everyone’s taste... (pun intended) Let’s get the warnings/contains out of the way (mostly warnings this time)
Contains: prey Luz and Amity, feral pred, a tiny bit of lumity, (Luz is completely convinced Amity’s dead in one point in the story) assumed fatal vore (but both characters make it out alive) mentions of hard vore, mentions of digestion. (Luz also assumes she bumps into Amity’s remains after she’s eaten, but Amity quickly screams back, so it sorta becomes a funny scene?)
Either way... This is not much worse than a child accidentally seeing an 13+ animated movie on accident, in terms of how bad it is.
(most of the shock comes from the unexpected, but I don’t want to not warn people properly. Not since Worrying; I felt really bad ‘bout that one)
So the rating is 13+ for the somewhat unsettling imagery (and some minorly depressive tones after Amity’s eaten)
This is the pred character, but I do describe him in the story itself: The Beast I was too Lazy to Name
word count: 6.5 k
***
Luz and Amity were taking a stroll through the forest, Luz had gently grabbed the other girls had a couple minutes ago. Amity seemed nervous, but Luz did her best to convince the young witch everything was going to be fine. That was why she had opted to hold her hand. Totally not because she wanted to hold her hand and just the thought made her flustered. That was definitely not it. The only reason her heart was fluttering was, because it was dark and they were both nervous… Definitely.
Amity’s hand felt clammy against hers. The green haired witch’s gaze flicked to her and away again, but she never did anything to protest the hand holding. She even leaned a bit into Luz while they walked. But that had to be because the witch was anxious too.
Luz shifted her shoulders, feeling a bit awkward, “so, what about the forest is so dangerous?” Amity had mentioned some sort of beast that lived out there, but she couldn’t remember why exactly the beast was something to be feared. “The thing that lived out here hasn’t been spotted in a while, right? Maybe it’s dead?” They hadn’t run into anything scary yet, and they were quite far into the forest at this point.
Amity looked at Luz with an unreadable expression. “Or maybe the beast has just caught the last few witches that saw it.”
A chill went through Luz’s body. “There’s no way, Amity!” Luz spoke louder in her unease. “It can’t be that hard to not get caught by that thing you told me about.” Luz paused. “What does it even look like?” She couldn’t remember if Amity described the creature.
Amity thought about it for a couple seconds. “It’s over twelve feet from the ground to the shoulders… It looks like a manticore, but without the batwings and the scorpion tail… It has bird legs in front, and a giant underbite…” Amity let go of Luz’s hand while thinking about it. “I think there’s something about the tail… It’s scaly.”
They continued to walk beside each other, now more on edge than before. Neither of the girls made the move to grab the other’s hand again. “So it’s a lion with a scaly tail and bird legs? Does it have a mane?” Luz didn’t know if that meant it was male or female, having learnt about maned lionesses before, but she wanted to know what to look for.
Amity nodded. “It does have a mane.” She thought about Luz other question. “I guess it is like a lion, but it doesn’t have spikes across its back and two tails. A regular lion doesn’t have all the traits of the beast either.”
Of course, a lion wouldn’t look like an earth lion there. Luz should have guessed that. If there wasn’t a Boiling Isles equivalent, Amity wouldn’t have known what that even was. “There’s sure a lot of creatures that looks like earth lions here,” she stated with a bit of a laugh to her voice. Her smile faded, as a thought hit her. “But if it does find us, what exactly are we supposed to do?” Luz didn’t want an encounter with a twelve-foot-tall lion, but she wanted to know what to do if it did find them.
Amity tensed. “I don’t know…” She glanced over at Luz, before her a realization hit her. “You’re human! I don’t know what humans are supposed to do… If I get caught, please just run without trying to save me.”
Luz had no idea what Amity was on about. Was there a protocol for getting caught by a monster? “I’m not going to leave you to die! Amity, let’s just head back before anything happens.”
Amity nodded, relieved at Luz’s suggestion to head back. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
Luz wished that was how it had ended. Amity and her deciding to head home, maybe Amity and Luz having a sleepover at the Owl House due to how late it was. But, of course, she wasn’t lucky enough for that. She would have to live through something traumatic to ever get something half as good.
It was eerie to walk through the quiet and dark forest. Luz could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up at the slightest shuffle of pine needles. Even the ones that rustled under Amity’s shoes, nearly made her jump. Amity had suggested getting left behind for Luz’s sake and Luz wasn’t going to let that happen. She had grabbed a tight hold of Amity’s hand; there was no way Amity was leaving her side now.
Amity’s hand was holding onto hers too, but it wasn’t as tightly. They walked in silence, glancing into the forest and back out on the path they were following. Amity’s ears twitched and turned from time to time, her grip tightening when she heard something Luz couldn’t. But it turned out to be nothing.
“I think there’s something stalking after us,” whispered Amity, making Luz jump and eep in surprise from the sound of her voice alone. “Sorry…” she apologized quietly. “But I swear I can hear something walking out there.”
Luz couldn’t hear a thing, but there was no reason to take risks. “Alright; is it better to walk or run?” she knew that running from a normal lion would cause it to give chase, but maybe the Boiling Isles were the opposite.
“We need to walk, and seem like we’re not worth eating.” Amity let go of her hand. “We can’t match anything like that in size…” She thought about it for a few seconds. “I’m going to summon an abomination.” She cast the spell, as the abomination rose from ground. It was puny compared to the one she had made grom night, but it was still taller than her. “It can defend us, if anything is out there.”
It groaned behind them, staring down at them with the hollow sad look in its eyes.
Amity commanded it to be quiet. It stopped the noises immediately, but still stared down at its creator.
Luz grabbed Amity’s hand again, slowly moving towards the Owl House. But Amity didn’t seem to want to hold her hand anymore. Luz wouldn’t let go when Amity told her to. “I’m not going let you fall behind, if we have to run!”Luz couldn’t explain how horrible the thought of that was. She unintentionally tightened her grip on Amity’s hand. “If you get eaten; it would be my fault!”
Amity shushed her. “Please be quiet!” she hissed out. She spoke, after calming down. “If the beast hasn’t found us yet; it’s going to.” Amity’s ears twitched, as she heard something even Luz could hear. The quiet slow pats of something hitting the pine needles just beyond the trees.
They both stood completely still, watching as the creature stepped out from behind the cover of trees.
Amity’s description hadn’t done the creature justice. If Luz had known it looked like that, she would never had taken the risk of heading out into the forest. Luz took a step away from it, clutching onto Amity’s hand.
The lion watched them with intense orange eyes. Its mane was dark and matted, and so was the fur on its legs… At least where there was fur. Its front legs were birdlike and covered in thick reddish-brown scales, ending in long claws that could pierce through them with tiniest amount of pressure. It began to drool, as it watched them.
Luz took another step away, tightening her grip on Amity’s hand. Its tail, the same color as its legs, flicked, as it focused on Luz. It tilted its head, before she could see its nose twitch. Its mouth was wide. Luz noticed just how wide that was, as it dragged its split tongue the entire way across its mouth. A couple teeth stuck out towards end of it. It opened its mouth to adjust its huge fangs in the bottom of it over its upper lip. It was bone thin, even some of its spine was visible.
It felt like she watched the starved creature for hours, but at most a few seconds had passed.
Amity yelled her command to the abomination in a panic, “Abomination attack!” She tightened her grip on Luz’s hand, before she began running away from the creature dragging Luz after her. “Run, Luz!”
It took Luz a second, before she managed to get her legs to work, but when she did, she immediately outran Amity, dragging her behind her instead. The lion growled. Luz could hear splatting noises behind them, before it gave chase.
Its footfalls were loud, and felt like thunder in Luz’s panicked ears. Her adrenaline was in top gear, as she made the decision to run in between the trees. Amity had managed to match Luz’s speed. Luz wasn’t sure she wouldn’t get lost, but getting lost would be nowhere as bad as eaten.
She realized she would have to let go of Amity’s hand, if they wanted to escape. It was slowing both of them down to hold onto each other. “This way!” Luz yelled, after letting go off Amity, and changing directions sharply. Amity followed just behind her.
The lion barely took notice of the sharp turn it had to make.
It was catching up to Amity already, and before another second passed Luz heard the girl scream.
“LUZ!” The thundering footfalls stopped, and Luz skidded to a halt. She spun around to see Amity pinned under the beast’s claws, as it dragged her farther away from Luz.
Luz let out a scream of her own. No words could express the horror she felt as she watched the lion drag Amity away from her. She couldn’t even scream her name.
A burst of anger exploded in her.
She immediately broke out of her horrified trance, running towards the lion with a handful of light glyphs. It was not going to eat Amity.
She activated them two feet from the lion’s face, while it watched her in confusion. It let go of Amity, and Luz help her up to her feet again. “Come on! We can still get away!” Amity dizzily stumbled on her legs panting for breath, before she managed to stand up straight, still trying to catch her breath. Luz began dragging her away from the lion, and tried to get Amity to run. “Come on, Amity!” Amity finally got her legs working, but she was nowhere near as quick as before. “Please, I can’t leave you behind!” Her eyes stung, as she pulled on Amity even harder, trying desperately to get her to go faster.
The lion grumbled and snarled behind them; Luz knew they didn’t have long, before it would be chasing after them again. She knew that it was hopeless, but she would never be able to live with herself, if she didn’t try her hardest to save Amity. “Amity, please!” She hadn’t felt so desperate to save someone for a long time. She felt the tears stinging in her eyes finally fall.
Amity gave up completely. “Luz, you have to leave me behind. I promise I’ll figure out a way to get out of here alive, but if you’re caught I can’t.” Luz wanted to protest, but Amity continued before she got a word in. “Please, just save yourself.” The beast was ready to chase them again. Amity looked at the lion, casting a fire spell. “Get away, Luz!” She held the flame close Luz’s arm. “I’ll burn you, if you don’t run right now!”
Luz involuntarily took a step back. She tried to grab Amity, but she moved the flame to where Luz was trying to grab her. “Amity!” She couldn’t believe what the girl was doing. Was she trying to get herself killed? But Luz didn’t get a long time to think about it, before Amity tried to set her on fire again.
She backed away, watching the panicked look in Amity’s eyes. The lion watched what they were doing, carefully, before it hesitantly stalked towards them. “Luz, just go!” shouted Amity, before the lion sprinted towards them and grabbed Amity by the legs. It quickly began dragging Amity away again.
Luz stared in disbelief, feeling her skin itch after Amity had tried to set her on fire. She had hit her with the flame. The lion watched Luz with a scowl, before it flipped Amity over on her back, sniffing her hungrily. Luz ran towards the lion, but as soon as she did; it grabbed Amity in its mouth, running towards Luz, leaping over her.
Luz only registered happened, after the lion was running away from her. She sprinted after it, as soon as she realized what it just did. “AMITY!” She screamed after it and her friend.
It stopped to look back at Luz for a moment; it had already nearly put a two-hundred feet distance between them. Luz could still see Amity struggling in the beast’s jaw. At least the beast hadn’t killed her by biting her into her, when it landed on the ground.
The lion dropped her on the ground, letting her get up on her feet, before it grabbed her again, shoving her straight into its mouth.
Luz’s heart skipped a beat in pure shock. This was happening. Amity was getting eating in front of her eyes. She couldn’t move a muscle, as her body was frozen in horror. Any moment Amity would be chewed to a bloody mess, or ripped apart by the massive teeth and claws the beast had.
The lion tilted its head back, before more of Amity disappeared into its giant mouth.
It took Luz a second to realize what it was doing, but when she did, she could do nothing but stare in horror. She backed away, her brain still processing what it meant. Amity was being swallowed alive by the lion… The lion was swallowing Amity alive… Luz’s gaze fell on the beast stomach.
Luz couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe, and she was suddenly aware of how out of breath she was. She collapsed into the forest floor, watching as the lion jerked its head forward and Amity disappeared from the outside world. Luz squeezed her eyes shut in pain, letting her tears run down her cheeks. She began crying, sobbing in between the burning breaths she was taking. She couldn’t move an inch, even if she wanted to. Everything hurt. Her legs, her heart, her lungs, and her arms; they all hurt, and she was completely exhausted.
She looked up at the lion seeing the last of a bump on the its throat move farther into its body, before it licked its lips, its split tongue dragging across its whiskers. It barely took a couple more seconds, before a slight bump protruded at the low end of its ribcage. She squeezed her eyes shut once more, knowing that that bump on the malnourished creature’s body was Amity.
She could hear the creature step closer to her, but she couldn’t find the energy to fight for her life. The only thing she could feel was the dread as the creature moved closer. Her efforts in trying to save Amity had been in vain and now she couldn’t even live for Amity’s sake… She should have run the moment Amity told her to.
The lion slowly strolled over to her with a content joy in its orange eyes. It licked Luz’s face a couple times, before it grabbed Luz by the back of her hoodie, not trying to eat her just yet. It walked deeper into the forest, with the defeated girl limply hanging from the creature’s jaw.
Luz felt exhausted, but unable to sleep, as the beast carried her to its den. Amity was undoubtably dead in its belly now; there was no way she could breathe in there. It put Luz down next to some bones that were splintered beyond recognition.
Luz watched the lion, as it began cleaning itself. It dragged its snakelike tongue through its matted fur, but it barely made any progress in brushing out the knots. Yet it still continued washing its fur. Luz wondered if it knew how much it hurt her by eating Amity, as it groomed the fur on its chest.
It gave up after a couple minutes of this, and walked over to a big pile of pine needles, before lying down in it and yawning. It rolled over on its side, exposing its slight too round belly.
Despite feeling like crying again; Luz realized that if the lion went to sleep that could be her chance to escape. She could still make Amity’s death count for something. She was going to make it out alive for Amity. She had to get back and tell people what had happened.
It only took a minute for it to fall asleep. It looked like it was in the middle of the best sleep it had ever gotten, as its face relaxed into a “smile”. It almost made Luz want to kick it awake. It had killed Amity… It deserved it. But she had to stay calm and leave the cave it slept in without getting noticed.
She carefully got up on her legs, not making a single noise, as she took the first couple steps towards the exit. The lion didn’t react, other than a particularly deep sigh. Luz faced the lion, as she took another hesitant step toward the exit. The lion still didn’t wake up, but Luz wasn’t relaxing until she was out of that cave.
It went on like that, the lion peacefully sleeping, and Luz backing away, before Luz finally stood under the trees again. Her legs were aching from her adrenaline fueled run earlier, but she was convinced she could make it far enough that she wouldn’t get caught again.
She kept backing away, until she unwittingly backed into a tree. She slammed her head into it in surprise, but she managed to keep herself from crying out in pain. She finally decided to turn her back on the lion and the cave.
She couldn’t run, and she had no idea where she was. The fact that she had lost Amity to a hungry beast definitely didn’t help either. She wanted to wake up, but this wasn’t a dream; she knew it wasn’t. The burns on her arm were too real, and so was the pain in her heart from the loss of her friend. And her exhaustion. Nothing about this was a nightmare; everything was too real.
Luz shivered, feeling the cold night air on her bare arms. When she was with Amity, she knew that they could just snuggle up together, if they were really cold and lost, but now… Amity wasn’t there, and she would never be ever again. The thought itself weighed her down to the point of near collapsing, but she wasn’t far enough away from the lion’s den.
The only thoughts that kept her going was Amity’s last wish, and the thought of Eda and King waiting for her to come home. She would come home to them again. She had to.
She felt her legs shake under her, but she knew she could make it somewhere. Maybe she wouldn’t make it to the Owl House, but she could make it to town. Or another nearby building. She hoped she wasn’t wandering straight into another beast’s territory, or further into the forest.
She continued walking in the same direction, despite everything that hurt. She didn’t want to think about what happened to her friend. Instead, her mind felt hollow, as she barely had the energy to move on foot in front of the other.
It continued like that for minutes, and every step felt like it took all the energy out of her. She no longer thought of Amity’s last wish as her driving force; that would mean she had to think of Amity. She focused completely on getting home to Eda and King. Thinking of Amity took too much energy out of her.
Minutes turned to over an hour and she still had no clue where she was. Everything felt real and fake at the same time, but she had given up any hope of waking up from this living nightmare.
She eventually realized that she couldn’t move a step farther and slumped down against a nearby tree. She didn’t want to sleep, but after everything that had happened; her body knocked her out on its own.
She woke up to the snarling and growling from the lion, as it was barely a foot from her face. She screamed, slamming her head into the tree in her panic to get away. She tried to stand up, but the lion held her back with a single foot. It only took a moment to lick at her, before it opened its mouth.
Her eyes widened, and she immediately kicked against the creature’s leg. But it barely took any notice of her struggling, as it shoved her into its mouth. It lifted her up off the ground. It continued to lap at her as she felt it starting to feel it walking.
She swung her leg into the creature’s jaw, but it barely took notice of it. She felt powerless, as it threw its head back and sent her flying into its throat. She tried to squirm in its throat, but nothing could help her anymore. The lion was quick to swallow again, sending her farther into its body.
She tried to push herself back into its mouth by writhing backwards, but its throat kept shoving her down. She hadn’t even entirely realized what was happening yet; her mind was still half asleep, despite the panic.
Her legs were the only thing left of her in the lion’s mouth was her legs, but it barely took it a second to swallow them down too. It still didn’t click in her mind what was happening to her, the only thing that registered was how scolding hot it was to her cold body.
The smell of the lion’s gut nearly made her want to puke, as her head was quickly squeezed into the belly of the lion. But she knew something was off, as her head bumped into something that wasn’t the slime flesh it should have been.
Despite the heat of the creature’s body; she felt a chill running through her body, making everything hair stand on end, as she screamed. That could only be the remains of Amity’s body.
But to Luz’s shock; the thing moved, before it screamed too.
She stopped screaming immediately, and the last of her body was forced down into the creature’s stomach. Was that Amity? How could she possibly still be alive in there? There was no way it was her! But that scream sounded so familiar. She reached into her pocket, but the water damaged paper tore apart between her fingers.
The stomach lit up in a light purple shine, as Amity casted a spell. Luz felt weird, as small pang of something that felt like an electric shock went through her entire body.
Luz stared where she had seen Amity’s face just a second before. “Amity? How are you still alive in here?” Luz hadn’t believed her eyes in those few seconds she had seen Amity. But she was there; she felt it, as the small space forced Luz to lie on top of Amity.
Amity cast a light spell, her eyes wide in panic. The girl ignored Luz’s question “How did you get caught? I thought you got away from it! It’s been hours!”
Luz didn’t know how to respond. She took a breath, trying to ignore the foul smells. “I thought you died and I couldn’t bring myself to move!” She had a hard time processing what the hell was going on. “I’m sorry… If I had run; I could have gotten help.”
“That doesn’t explain why it’s been hours!” Amity looked past Luz. “The thing slept for two hours!” She held out two fingers, as she seemed more annoyed than scared. “And as soon as it woke up it growled and chased you down!”
The beast growled above them; it was probably annoyed by the fact that its belly was being so noisy.
Luz explained what had happened to her, before shifting back to the fact that Amity was still alive. “But I still don’t get how you’re alive…” It obviously wasn’t that she was upset with that fact, but she didn’t understand why Amity wouldn’t have told her she would be fine.
Amity shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry that I didn’t explain anything to you… I know a spell, but I didn’t want to give you false hope in case the beast ripped me apart.” She took a moment to look at Luz, before she looked away again. “I figured with its wide mouth; it would probably swallow its prey whole.” Amity looked back at Luz, who was a little baffled that Amity had put that much thought into it. “It’s standard procedure.”
Luz nodded, “so, what’s the plan now?” She hoped that Amity did have a plan. Or at least knew of something they could do.
Amity summoned her scroll. “Don’t laugh, but I had to message my brother and my sister over Penstagram.” She looked over the messages. “Hold on, Ed has seen it!” Amity stared expectantly at the magic device, but nothing was happening just yet. She looked up at Luz. “Do you think he believes me? Should I have included a picture?”
Luz couldn’t help being a bit amused at the thought of taking a picture inside a lion’s stomach. “I don’t think that’s necessary.” She suppressed a snicker, before continuing. “But if you think it’s going to help, sure, anything to get out of here sooner.”
Amity gave a quick nod, snapping a picture. “Do you have any idea where exactly its cave is?”
Luz thought about it. She was carried quite a while… They had run into the forest and then taken a turn… So they had been following the path. Problem was she had no idea if it were to the north, west, east or south of the path. “It’s to the left of the path from where we walked into the forest.”
“That’s in the northern part of the forest…” Amity wrote a quick message to follow the picture. “Do you remember any landmarks?” She looked at Luz expectantly, but she couldn’t remember anything other than feeling sorry for herself.
“The cave is pretty big…” She felt embarrassed. “I didn’t see anything else eye-catching.”
She gave another nod. “So the beast lives in a cave at the northern part of the forest…” She sent the message to her brother. “That could be enough for them to figure out where we are…”
Luz didn’t like the sound of that. “Could be? What are we going to do if they don’t find us?” She knew that Amity couldn’t keep them alive forever. “You do have a back-up plan, right?”
“I think the lion will throw us up eventually…” Amity looked up where the lion’s head was. “It’s hopefully going to realize we aren’t digesting properly…” she trailed off, looking ashamed. “I really don’t have any plans after that; there’s not a lot I can do…”
They both fell quiet after that. Luz had to think about what had happened. She and Amity had been out walking, before the beast attack them. She had thought Amity died. She realized how thankful she was that the girl was sitting right in front of her and alive. She threw her arms around Amity, squeezing her tightly. “I thought you were dead!” Luz felt tears build up in her eyes again, but this time it was out of pure relief. They could still make it out alive. Both of them.
Amity’s arms hovered hesitantly to Luz side, before she wrapped them around her. “This is really not a hug moment…” Luz heard her mumble.
Luz didn’t care, as she squeezed her tighter. “I never want to feel like that again…” She had been completely convinced her friend died. “Te quiero…” She whispered to Amity, as her heart ached with the thought of ever losing her again.
Amity sensed that Luz had said something important. Luz knew that when Amity’s hug started feeling even more awkward. “What did you just say?”
The words slid of her tongue easier than they should have. “I love you.” It wasn’t completely a confession; it was more so a statement. She loved Amity. She wasn’t trying to get anything romantic out of it. “I never want to lose you ever again.” It was her heart that commanded her to speak. It helped ease the pain to get the words out.
Amity was quiet; she didn’t even breathe for a few seconds, before she shook her head. “You definitely didn’t confess inside a beast stomach… What does te quiero actually mean?” Amity’s pronunciation was impressively on point from hearing the word once.
Luz thought about it… “I’m not confessing.” Her thoughts hit the brakes. “Wait, hold on.” Luz had a realization hit her that exact moment, before she wiped her tears away. She did love Amity… She wanted to hold Amity’s hand… Sometimes she had wanted to give Amity a kiss, but quickly had shoved the thought away again. “I wasn’t trying to confess,” she corrected, realizing now what she meant and had felt for a long time.
Amity stared at her, mouth agape in disbelief. She closed her mouth, before opening it a couple seconds later to speak. “You seriously confessed to me inside the stomach of a beast…” Amity slammed her fist into the creature’s stomach wall. “Couldn’t you have waited until we were out of here?”
The lion grumbled at the hit; at most it was mildly annoyed.
Luz wasn’t really sure what to think of Amity’s reaction. “Do you not like me back? I’m sorry!” It would be super uncomfortable to be pressed up against someone you didn’t even like, after they confessed.
Amity stared at her, slowly blinking in confusion. “You think I don’t like you back?”They didn’t get any further with their discussion, as there was a noise from Amity’s scroll. Luz had forgotten Amity still had it out.
“Edric has contacted someone!”
After Amity had replied, the two argued back and forth on multiple things. Why Luz decided that that was the best moment to confess and why she hadn’t picked up on anything on Amity’s part.
They argued for the most part, but after a while they fell into a gentler discussion. It was still odd to talk in the lion’s stomach, but they didn’t have anything else to do to waste time.
Eventually they heard the lion roar in anger, and people yelling commands to each other.
Luz had been worried about them needing to cut the lion open, but Amity had told her they more than likely would have a vomit inducer. She didn’t want to be covered in blood; she couldn’t care less about what they did to the lion.
It didn’t long, before they felt the lion fall to the ground.
They heard the lion roar and growl in protest, before it began retching.
Luz had thought being swallowed by a lion was bad enough, but this was unarguably worse; the only thing that made it better was that this was a way out of the creature’s gut.
Luz and Amity were both puked up in a matter of seconds. Both got up to scramble away as quickly as possible.
They both got up on their feet, staring at the beast.
The people who had saved them, however, were fixated on Amity Blight. With emphasis on Blight. “You know we don’t do this job for free, right?”
They both snapped their heads towards the person speaking. Amity was quick to reply. “I don’t have any snails on me.”
Luz felt a bit defensive of Amity. “Yeah, and how many snails do you think she could keep in her pockets?” Luz gestured to Amity, “I’m pretty sure her dress doesn’t even have pockets!” She lowered her arms again, deciding to crack a joke. “And besides; what are you going to do if we don’t pay you? Shove us back in?”
Nobody laughed. “We just might, if you keep being a little brat!”
Luz raised her hands, and took a step back. “Hey! I just meant that Amity can’t pay right now!” She realized it sounded like she meant they were trying to sneak their way out of paying. She didn’t understand why they would have to be paid, but she wasn’t going to argue. “And I was making a joke…” She was disappointed that Amity hadn’t laughed.
The person glared at her. “Well, ha ha, very funny,” he said, giving them another judging glance. “But we fully expect to be paid handsomely for rescuing a child of the Blight family… And whoever you are supposed to be.”
Luz felt a bit uncomfortable, even as Amity took the word again. “If you want to get paid; you need to get my parents.” Amity shuffled nervously. “If we pay extra, can you help us get home?”
The people looked around at each other. “You’re sure your parents will pay that much for a brat like you and her friend? This isn’t going to be cheap, little Blight.”
Luz could tell that hit a weak point on Amity, but she quickly shook it off. “My parents will pay to have me back home.” Her voice was confident, but she clearly wasn’t. “And you’re not getting anything if we get lost out in the forest.”
“Alright, you win,” said the leader of the group, “come on, let’s help them get home.”
They stood outside the gate to the Blight manor. “You know, your house is really fancy.”
Amity didn’t take much notice of her remark, as she seemed lost in thought. She turned to the rescuers. “I’ll go get my parents, and then you’ll get your money.”
Luz didn’t want to be alone with the people. “Can I go with you?”
Amity flinched, before she spoke, “sure.”
They walked up to the door of the house together. Luz pulled her hoodie over her head. She didn’t think Amity’s parents would be particularly happy to see their daughter with a human.
Amity’s parents opened the door, before they even got up there. “Amity!” yelled her father. “What were you thinking?” But his voice calmed as he noticed Luz. “Who is your friend?”
Amity was quick to respond, “it’s just someone from school. She got eaten with me, because we had something that needed settling.” Luz didn’t like how quickly Amity came up with the lie. That wasn’t a good sign. “But I got to know her a little bit and she lives a long way away from here, so I was wondering if she could stay over? Or at least borrow the shower?”
Her mother gave her a skeptical look. “What were you two settling out in the forest?”
Amity barely hesitated, as she lied again. “She challenged me to a witches duel, and I had to show her who was the better witch.” Amity thought for a few seconds, probably trying to find holes in her story. “But she is actually really nice. Can you let her stay?”
Her father gave Luz a cold glare. “What’s your name?”
Luz looked over at Amity. She decided it was better to lie. “Light!” she replied a bit too loudly. “My name is Light.” Maybe using the translation of her name was a little boring and risky, but she was only pretending to be this Light for one night. They both eyed her suspiciously. “Sorry, it’s just… you’re a really important family, and I got into a fight with your daughter…” Luz laughed anxiously. “I’m really nervous.”
The two adults looked at each other. Her mother spoke up. “You can use the guest shower, while we figure something out.” He stopped, before turning to Amity. “You take a shower too.”
Amity stood still for a bit and so did Luz. “Actually… The people who saved us need to talk to you… They expect to be paid a lot for saving me.”
They nodded coldly, and eerily in sync. “You two get inside. When you’re done showering; throw the clothes out.”
Luz and Amity nodded and rushed inside.
She borrowed some of Amity’s clothes, before getting shown which bathroom to use.“You should take this too.” Amity handed her one of her school cowls. “Just say that you don’t like to show the back of your head. Say you got an extra eye you’re insecure about, if they ask.”
Luz was still confused at Amity having such an easy time lying. Nothing about Amity told her “liar”. If anything, it was the opposite. She was not at all prone to cheating. She tried to tell on her siblings, and she was a top student. So something had to be going on for her to be a good liar. “Thank you,” was all Luz said. Amity definitely wasn’t ready to talk about her past or parents with Luz.
She was pretty sure she had never felt better after a shower than she did at that moment. Clean and insanely soft clothes on her body felt great. The only downside was that she had to wear the cowl up. But it didn’t bother her much.
Amity’s parents called on her a few minutes after she had gotten done showering.
Luz waited for them to speak, having a feeling they wouldn’t take kindly to her taking the word.
Amity sat farther away from her, also waiting for her parents to speak.
Finally, they did. “How far away do you live?”
Luz looked away from them. “On the other side of town…”
“Then you can stay for the night,” replied Amity’s mother. She turned to Amity, with an unreadable expression. “We’re going to have a talk tomorrow.”
Amity nodded nervously, her eyes flicking between Luz and her mother. “Do I need to get the spare room ready?”
Her mother’s response was short and simple. “Of course.”
Amity quickly got everything set up, refusing Luz’s offer to help. It wasn’t proper manners to have a guest fix up their own room, according to her.
Initially that upset Luz, but after a while she could only focus on the fact that she would have an actual bed to sleep on. And on top of that; it looked to be very high quality everything. At least higher quality than her sleeping mat.
Amity stood and watched for a few seconds after getting everything done. “So… Why did you call yourself Light?”
Luz shrugged. “My name means light, not much other reason than that.” She sat down in the bed, watching Amity tiredly. “Can I just go to bed now?” She tried to suppress, but it easily escaped her.
Amity yawned too. “Yeah, it’s fine.” She turned around just before she left. “Goodnight, Luz.”
“Goodnight, Amity,” said Luz, before climbing into bed, and even if she had something to change into; she wouldn’t have bothered.
***
That’s the end! I got bored... Sorry. I mostly wrote this just to be angsty, but then it shifted a bit and I just wanted to finish it. Yes, Eda and King are worried out of their minds, but Luz will get home... Eventually.
Also could have been really angsty and wrote “Luz opened her eyes, realizing that everything had been too good to be true. She was still under the tree she where had fallen asleep, and she had to face Amity was gone.” But that’s not actual ending; what’s above the *** is the true ending. I just like edgy stuff, but not actual fatal.
Te quiero are the right words here btw. Te amo is a lot more meaningful and Amity and Luz aren’t that close yet. It’s mostly for long established partners and sometimes nearest family members.
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Onward Review (Spoilers!)
So I just watched Onward, finally, and I have a couple of things to say about it.
Short story long:
By the moment I watched that teaser trailer, I knew I was going to love that film. It had everything I loved, Tom Holland, Chris Pratt, Fantasy elements, suburban elements, gorgeous animation, Barley’s character design is something we don’t see very often and I loved it and it’s made by Pixar.
I wanted to go watch that film as soon as possible, with every clip release I was getting even more excited to watch it. I was planning on watching it at cinemas the Wednesday after its release where I live, even cosplay as Barley, but due to the corona virus pandemic those plans were cancelled and so I was left with the idea that I’d have to wait to watch that film until the whole corona situation was done, and let’s just say that I wasn’t very happy about it. Luckily the good people at Disney set its digital release earlier and thus I got to download it and finally see it.
What I liked:
The animation was glorious! The colors, the textures, the effects, the designs, everything were beautiful.
The brotherly relationship between Ian and Barley. It was so cute and wholesome.I’m so glad that Pixar didn’t do any of the usual cliches they tend to do when it comes to relationships between brothers.
Barley is such a great character! His character design is something I don’t see as often as I see Ian’s (but that’s something I’ll talk about later), he’s also quite relatable (to me at least) and he’s such a good brother, he’s always by Ian’s side, he takes care of him and supports him so much, he isn’t even jealous that Ian was the one with magic and not him despite his huge passion for it, he’s just happy about him. Not to mention that he exceeds expectations, what I mean is that usually in movies Barley with his design and role as the older brother is the big tough popular guy who always teases Ian and bullies him in a way until they go on this adventure that completely changes their relationship to the better, but no because Pixar gave us something better, Barley the way he is! He’s soft, dorky, excitable, loyal, protective, supportive and so much more!
I loved the Laurel and the manticore, their part of the movie was so enjoyable, so much so that their relationship felt more natural than Laurel’s with Colt (But I’ll talk about it more later)
Ian was also a very nice character! I’ll be honest that I had my eyes straight on Barley ever since I found out about that movie so I didn’t care much about Ian and I didn’t expect to like him as much as I do know, I liked his journey and development, I also liked his motives.
Wilden’s legs were amazing, I honestly didn’t expect them to have this much character, but that’s Pixar if they can make a movie about emotions with emotions they can give a pair of legs a character.
The voice acting is amazing! While you can tell who voices who in the movie, their voices blend with the characters extremely nicely as if the character owns the voice rather than the actor.
The ending! It’s just *chef’s kiss*! I love it so so so much!!! Especially the last shot being the photo of Ian and Barley!
What I didn’t like/would change
I must say that I’m not a big fan of Colt (the centaur), he annoyed me by his first appearance, I’ll admit that I warmed up to him by the end of the movie, but even then he’s not as memorable as any of the other characters. I guess they tried to add a lesson in the film that step parents aren’t bad, but they didn’t execute it correctly because Colt’s character development is almost non existent, like he goes from point A to point C but point B isn’t shown at all, point B in my opinion could be the part when Barley and Ian are chased by the police at that point Colt could have seen how important it is for them so instead of sacrificing Guinevere he could help distract the other cops as Barley and Ian are escaping or him helping them at any moment would have added more to his development and make him a more important character, because otherwise you could take him out of the movie and nothing would change.
Laurel and the manticore should have been together. They had way more chemistry than Laurel and Colt had and not to mention that it could still give a nice lesson of moving on.
It’s probably because I’m biased, but I would have loved more of Barley in the movie, like what’s his daily routine like? Does he study somewhere? Does he work somewhere? What else does he do in his free time?
A nice touch that I don’t really care that much about would be if they did something similar in monsters inc, like Barley could find a spell that would have given Ian a second chance to meet their dad, but again I don’t mind much about it.
Stuff that took me by surprise
Ian’s breakdown when they realized they went back to his school. I was pleasantly surprised that that scene wasn’t as mean-spirited as I expected, I completely understoood why Ian felt that way and did what he did.
The twist. I didn’t expect Ian to give Barley his last chance on meeting their dad, it was so touching and I won’t hide the fact that I did cry during that scene.
The scene in which Ian realizes that everything he wanted to do with his father he already did with Barley
Favorite scenes:
The beginning of the film.
The dancing scene with Ian, Barley and their father.
The bridge scene.
When Laurel and the manticore got back the sword.
Barley and Ian’s memories.
The ending
Long story short:
Is it the best Pixar movie? No. Did I cry as much as I did with Coco? I think so. Is it a new fave of mine? HELLS TO THE YES!!! Onward is my new favorite Pixar movie and it’s definitely in my top 5 favorite movies and not only do I recommend, but I insist on watching it.
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You know what. AO3's down right now. May as well put this up to help with the wait. Previous warnings still apply, but since it's the full thing, stitches are actually applied, not just mentioned. That part of the treatment is pretty much glanced over, but I'm still gonna tuck it under a readmore just in case.
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Between one second and the next, three things happened.
First, a woman appeared seated at an empty table, her scream fading to a confused mumble.
Second, the tablecloth at a separate table vanished, the cups and saucers lying broken on the ground.
And third, the cafe's front door was suddenly open, barely missing Douxie on his way inside with dirty plates.
Douxie took a step back, eyes drawn by the woman's scream. Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, his gaze shifted to scan the surroundings, trying to figure out what had just happened.
So he was caught completely off-guard when the front door burst further open as a patron ran outside, coughing and waving a hand in front of his face, and slammed into Douxie on his way out.
Douxie stumbled even further back, nose wrinkling as he caught the burned-oil scent of a broken curse mixed with the lightning-strike sizzle of time magic, shifting the plates in his arms to one side on reflex. It was a simple, automatic maneuver as he caught his balance, all his weight going to one foot for just a moment. He'd done it a thousand times before. But this time, attention already split in at least two other directions, he didn't hear the other startled person behind him, backing away from the suddenly bare table. Who bumped into Douxie again, pushing him further to the side than he'd meant to go.
So the top plates slid off the stack. And shattered on the ground. Right before Douxie fell on them.
The resulting cut was hardly the worst injury Douxie had ever received – that honor went to the manticore a few decades back – but it was still a little disconcerting to see the ceramic shard sticking out of his arm. And he couldn't help the hiss of pain as he yanked himself away from the mess, left hand automatically clutching around the wound. Because of course he landed on his right arm. The one that didn't have a glamoured spell bracelet to protect it.
“–sorry, I didn't mean – oh, geez, is that blood?” the man that had come out the door was crouched in front of Douxie, frantically apologizing as his hands hovered in the air, clearly wanting to help but not sure how.
“Hey, kid, you okay?” The man that had been behind him was at his side now. Douxie recognized him as a local detective – he was pretty sure his name was Scott? The dark-haired woman that had been sitting with him had her hands over her mouth, looking horrified. Detective Scott put a hand on Douxie's left shoulder in what was probably supposed to be a reassuring gesture, wincing in sympathy as he saw Douxie's arm. “That doesn't look good.”
“Here, let me through.” The redheaded woman that had appeared at the other table was pushing the panicking man aside, voice firm. “I'm a doctor, give me some space.”
“I'm fine,” Douxie said, rolling his shoulder to shrug off the detective. He kept his left hand tight around his right arm, holding the shard in place and covering most of the gash. He could already feel blood starting to leak between his fingers. “We've got a first aid kit inside, I can handle –”
“You've got half a plate in your arm, bucko,” the doctor said, which was patently untrue. It was a quarter, at best. “I can take a look, but I'm willing to bet this is gonna need stitches.”
Douxie grimaced, keeping his arm close to his chest even as the doctor held her hands out to him. “It's not that bad,” he tried again, doing his best to ignore the wound stinging.
The doctor gave him an unimpressed look, glancing pointedly at his arm. “You are bleeding on the sidewalk. It is that bad.” Her eyes moved to Detective Scott, still at Douxie's shoulder. “If someone can give us a ride to an ER or Urgent Care....”
“No, no, no!” Douxie cut in quickly. He gave the doctor his best, most charming smile as he scooted away. It took him a second to get his feet under him, between the inability to use his hands for balance and the crowd around him, but Douxie had learned to dodge people before he'd learned how to read (which might not sound impressive, given he'd grown up in the twelfth century, but Archie had taken his job as a familiar seriously). “Honestly, I'm fine,” he said as he stood, putting as much reassurance into the words as he could. “It was just an accident, nothing to worry about.”
Douxie started backing to the cafe's door, and while Detective Scott watched him with a frown, he made no move to stop him. The panicked man that had started this whole debacle was standing well-back, looking equally guilty and queasy.
The doctor, however, rose to her feet as well, following him to the door. “Ignoring that cut won't make it go away,” she said, tone brooking no argument. “You are not fine, and I am making sure that wound gets cleaned. Those were used plates, weren't they? Do you know how easily you could get an infection?” And before Douxie could blink, she was dragging him through the door herself, one hand gripping his left shoulder as she led him inside.
“I'm Doctor Barbara Lake and I need your first aid kit,” she told the hostess.
Penny took one look at Douxie's arm and blanched. But she'd always been able to keep a level head, even during the worst holiday rushes and in the face of the rudest customers. “Staff bathroom,” she said, turning on the ball of her foot and gesturing for them to follow. “This way.”
She led them around the corner and past the kitchen doors, to the small bathroom adjacent to the utility closet near the back of the building. Without so much as a backwards glance, Penny started running the sink to warm up the water and flipped down the toilet cover before opening the cabinet next to it.
The first aid kit she pulled out was larger than the standard emergency kit – considerably so, as it was a repurposed tool box. Because he'd been waiting for it, Douxie saw Dr. Lake's eyebrows rise as Penny set it on the counter next to the sink, flipping the lid open and revealing the three trays worth of medical supplies, all neatly organized into separate sections. “Anything else?” she asked. “Ice?”
Dr. Lake shook her head, shifting back to business-like as she started washing her hands. “No ice, but any clean cloth would be great. And gloves, please.”
Penny nodded and pulled a fresh box of gloves out of the cabinet, tearing open the lid and setting it next to the kit. She slipped between them and out of the bathroom, maneuvering the narrow space with the ease of a dancer. “Be right back.”
“Here.” Dr. Lake dried her hands before pulling on a set of gloves, shifting to the side so Douxie could walk past her. “Sit down and let me see how deep that shard is, and we can start putting pressure on the wound. I'm gonna assume you can take at least one of the painkillers in this monster?”
Douxie sighed, defeated, pointing out and taking the right pills. Then he sat on the closed toilet and jiggled the shard in his arm, just a little. “It's not deep,” he said, wincing only slightly. He'd at least had some momentum when he'd fallen, so he'd gone across the broken plates instead of just down. “Think it's only in there because I'm still holding it.”
So saying, he pulled the shard from his arm and tossed it into the sink. He ignored Dr. Lake's upset gasp as he grabbed a wad of paper towels to press them against the cut.
“Are you crazy?” she sputtered, wrapping her own hands around his arm so she could apply additional pressure, raising the arm above his heart line. “What if that nicked an artery?”
“I'd be more worried if it was on the inside of my arm,” Douxie told her, shrugging. “Or the left one. Hardly the first time I've had to patch myself up.”
He saw the moment something clicked together in her mind. Vividly blue eyes flicked over the unseasonable black hoodie that covered most of his skin, then caught on the scar along his left thumb. “You don't have insurance, do you? That's why you didn't want to go to an emergency clinic.”
Douxie chuckled, casual and dismissive. “Not exactly an option.”
Dr. Lake frowned. “Have you at least had a tetanus shot in the last five years?”
Douxie glanced at the ceiling as he thought. “I was in Denmark a couple years ago, so yeah.” Being a wizard made him more resilient than most humans, but vaccines were a miracle even Mordrax would be awed by, and Douxie did his best to keep up with them.
Her eyebrows rose again, but Penny returned before she could speak. “Clean cloth,” she said, matter-of-fact as she moved the box of gloves and set a stack of hand towels in its place next to the first aid kit. “And Josh is running to the pharmacy around the block to pick up extra bandages.”
Dr. Lake nodded in approval, removing the paper towels and quickly replacing them with a cloth. “Thank you. I can handle it from here.”
Penny looked at Douxie for confirmation, waiting until he nodded. “Is he going to be okay for work, or should he take a few days off?” When he started to protest that he was fine, thank you, she simply shrugged at him. “Hey, as long as there's an actual doctor to write you a note....”
Dr. Lake looked at the shard in the sink, gauging its size as she hummed in consideration. “That depends. Can you move your fingers okay?” she asked Douxie, who obligingly opened his hand to flex and wiggle his fingers. “If there's no muscle damage, my professional recommendation would be to take at least the rest of the day to give the wound a chance to close and reduce the risk of infection. Be gentle with it for a while, especially the next two days, but as long as it stays clean you should be fine.”
“I'll get your tips paid out, then,” Penny told him. “I know you usually shrug stuff off, but take the break, Doux. Your shift's only another hour, anyway, I can cover you.”
“I'm supposed to be back for dinner later, too,” Douxie protested.
“Which Josh has already volunteered for,” Penny countered instantly. “You know he's been hoping to get more wait shifts instead of dishes and busing. Assuming Andrea doesn't want it; she can always use the hours.”
“No, Andrea's got a thing with her kids, that's why I'm on tonight. Besides, Micah's working.” Douxie gave her his best puppy-dog eyes. “And his roasted salmon is Archie's favorite.”
She returned the look with an unimpressed one. “I am not letting you ignore medical advice so you can spoil your cat. Come back and order it like a normal person if it means that much to you.”
“You're impossible,” Douxie muttered, immediately dropping the pleading tone. Cats and dragons alike were unaccustomed to begging, after all. There were worse ways Archie could have rubbed off on him.
“You're impossible,” Penny shot back. She waved a hand to indicate the first aid kit, a project he had spearheaded after seeing one too many near-misses in the kitchen. “As much as you mother hen the rest of us? Take your own advice for once and take the break.”
“Smart girl,” Dr. Lake added, eyes searching the first aid kit but a poorly-concealed smile on her face. “You should listen to her.”
Douxie huffed with exaggerated exasperation. “I am beset on all sides.”
“Only because we love you,” Penny said, the teasing note softened by her genuine smile. Then she stepped back, checking the hall. “I've got to get back. Yell if you need me.”
“Never in a million years,” Douxie replied, giving her a cheeky wink. Penny rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head with a smile, but she did leave. Which meant Douxie just had to deal with the doctor, now.
The doctor who was still applying steady pressure to his cut. “You know you don't have to be all macho about this,” she said calmly. “If it hurts, tell me. I can't help if I don't know something's wrong.”
“That's not what it is,” Douxie told her. “Trust me. It really isn't that bad.”
She made a noncommittal noise, carefully pulling back the cloth. “Well, looks like the bleeding's stopped, at any rate. Let's get this cleaned and wrapped.”
Douxie stood so he could hold his arm under the running water, and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Still need those stitches?”
Dr. Lake wet another of the cloths and started wiping at his arm, movements steady and gentle as she gave it a more thorough inspection. “Looks like, yeah.” She returned the raised eyebrow. “And I notice you've got a suture kit in this box. You were going to do them yourself, weren't you?”
Douxie bobbed his shoulder in a helpless half-shrug. “Like I said: wouldn't be the first time.” Then he waved his left hand. “And it's not my dominant hand, so messy stitches aren't a worry.”
She pursed her lips at him, but then returned her focus to cleaning his arm. “Don't see any debris. Sit down and hold this while I get ready to stitch you up.” Douxie opened his mouth to protest, but Dr. Lake just looked at him, something in her eyes piercing straight through the centuries to make him feel like an actual teenager again. “Doctor's orders, young man,” she told him, face resolute.
He froze, totally at a loss for a second, then let out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head with amusement. “Alright, alright,” he said, lifting his free hand in a gesture of surrender before dropping back to his seat and holding the cloth in place. He gave her a crooked grin. “Suppose I'll owe you lunch when you come back to take them out?”
“Now you're getting it,” she said wryly, a playful sparkle in her eyes before she changed her gloves and readied the sterilized needle. They were both quiet for a minute as she set to work, then:
“So, Denmark, huh? How'd you get all the way over here?”
Especially since you implied you're undocumented, she didn't say. But Douxie didn't pick up any accusation in her tone. In fact, he got the sense that this might be her version of bedside manner – making conversation to keep him distracted, voice gentle and easy-going. And Douxie would be lying if he said it wasn't working.
“Would you believe me if I said it was for work?” Douxie grinned as she gave him a flat look.
“You've moved between three separate countries to wait tables?” she asked with a skeptical raised eyebrow. “Considering your accent doesn't sound Danish.”
“Oh, no. Home's back in Wales.” Or at least it had been, once upon a time. Who knew where Camelot was now? “And while I'll have you know that waiting tables is an absolutely valid occupation, no, that's not why.”
“So what's the real reason, then?”
Douxie gave another half-shrug. “Nothing special, I'm afraid. Just good old-fashioned wanderlust, and hospitality is a good way to earn cash and chat with people.”
Which, of course, wasn't even half the story. But he couldn't exactly tell her that he moved around so much to monitor and maintain Merlin's various places of power. Or because being eternally nineteen was pretty obvious after a few years. And the wanderlust wasn't even a lie: before Camelot, he and Archie had traveled constantly, and only sometimes because they got run out of town for theft or witchcraft. They both enjoyed seeing new places and meeting new people. Unfortunately, shell games and busking rarely paid the bills these days.
“How long do you think you'll stick around this quiet little place, then?” Dr. Lake asked. “Not much in the way of excitement around here.”
Douxie bit down on a laugh. Arcadia Oaks was many things, but boring was not one of them – not for the magically-inclined. “You'd be surprised. There's actually a pretty decent music scene.” He waggled his eyebrows when the self-satisfied tone made Dr. Lake look at him. “Thanks in no small part to yours truly.”
“You play?” she asked, and it was a credit to her that she honestly sounded interested instead of just humoring him.
“Yeah, our band's called Ash Dispersal Pattern,” Douxie said, unable to help the excitement at getting to brag. “Won the local Battle of the Bands last year. We even got to open for Papa Skull at the Boxtop last month.”
“Let me guess,” Dr. Lake said with a sly grin. “You sing, right? Bet that accent drives your fans wild.”
Douxie held up his free hand, waving a finger back and forth. “No, no, no. Guitar, darling.”
“Color me surprised,” Dr. Lake said, not sounding surprised at all but with good humor nonetheless.
“I do sing backup,” Douxie admitted. “But Zoe's lead, and you should hear her, she's amazing.”
���Must be,” Dr. Lake said, smiling warmly. “Hold still for another second, I'm almost done.”
Douxie had started to reach for his phone, wanting to show off pictures of the rest of his band and maybe even play the concert video Zoe had recorded, but froze at Dr. Lake's words, ducking his head in contrition. He'd somehow forgotten that he was currently getting his arm stitched shut. “You're really good at this, you know? I've barely felt a thing.”
“Well, that medical degree's got to be good for something,” she said, tying off the thread. She carefully dabbed at his arm again to clean and dry the area around the stitches, then applied an antibiotic ointment and laid a bandage pad over them before wrapping his arm. “Keep this on for the next twenty-four hours, alright? After that you can change the bandage, but don't let it get wet in the shower and make sure to cover it while you're working so the stitches don't snag on anything.”
“Yes, ma'am,” Douxie said dutifully, tapping his left hand to his forehead in a lazy salute. “Two weeks until they come out, right?” When she nodded in confirmation, Douxie hummed thoughtfully. “What's your favorite food? I can see about sweet-talking the chef into having it as a special when you come back.”
Dr. Lake smiled and shook her head. “Oh, no, my son spoils me enough with good food.” She hesitated, face falling for a moment, but recovered quickly. “But if you can track down any of that rose tea you were serving last month, I'd love another tin.”
Douxie almost asked her what was wrong. Dr. Lake had been kind to him, and he wanted to repay that. But that's when it hit him. Barbara Lake. Mother of Jim Lake. The Trollhunter. If something had happened between her and her son... well, Douxie had lived enough double-lives to guess the cause. And there was only so much he could do against the weight of destiny.
So he pretended to have not noticed her lapse of composure. “The rose blend, no. I'll see if I can track down the recipe for it.” She started to wave him off, telling him not to worry about it, but Douxie interrupted her. “In the meantime, I know healthcare is stressful and I make an excellent ginger tea that's wonderful for headaches. I'll put a batch together for you, and the rose if I figure it out.”
Dr. Lake blinked at him in surprise. “You blend your own tea?” She laughed at his answering wink. “Well, aren't you the renaissance man. Travel, music, even a little medicine. Is there anything you can't do?”
Douxie couldn't help the chuckle – renaissance was off by a few centuries, but he knew what she meant. “Oh, plenty. I'm awful at driving, for one. And I've never gotten the knack for cooking.” There was also time magic, shadowmancy, and Archie was constantly correcting his monsterology.... Well, suffice to say that Douxie knew his flaws.
“You figure out that rose tea, and we'll see about trading lessons,” Dr. Lake offered gamely. “Though you're not the only one that has trouble in the kitchen, so they might have to be with my son.”
Douxie's breath caught, making him cough, which he quickly covered with a laugh that was only a little strained. Cooking lessons with the Trollhunter. The one person Douxie had been doing his best to avoid. It would be just his luck to stumble backwards into it; he could already image Archie rolling with laughter at him. “Could be fun,” Douxie said, hoping the nervous edge to his voice wasn't as obvious to her as it was to him. “You've got fire insurance, right?”
If Dr. Lake noticed, she didn't comment, instead patting his bandaged arm. “I'll double-check. For now, though, I think we're all done.”
Douxie dipped his head in thanks, fighting the impulse to cross his arm over his chest like he would for a proper bow. “I really do appreciate this,” he said, shoving aside the possible futures playing out in his head so he could focus on now. “I know I put up a fuss about it, but....”
Dr. Lake shook her head. “It sounds like you're used to taking care of things by yourself. And that's admirable, but you're still young. It's okay to rely on us adults sometimes.”
“That's not –” There was no good answer for that, was there? “...I'll try to keep that in mind,” he said at last.
“Good,” she said, sounding satisfied. “Can I borrow a pen real quick?” When Douxie offered her the one from his apron, along with his order pad, she scribbled out a note and handed them back. “So on the subject of relying on people, that's my phone number.” Her voice was kind but firm, vivid blue eyes locked on his as a glimmer of that piercing quality came back to them. “If anything goes wrong with your arm – the stitches tear, it gets infected, anything – you call me, okay?”
Douxie took the pad back with a nod. “I'll be careful.”
He and Dr. Lake finally vacated the staff bathroom, heading back to the cafe's main room. Penny waved at them from the register, and Douxie tapped Dr. Lake's shoulder to get her attention. “Hey, your lunch is on me, alright? I insist,” he said over her protests.
She shook her head with a rueful sigh. “I actually hadn't ordered yet; I was waiting for –” She gasped. “Oh, no, Mr. Blinky!”
“Mr... Blinky?” Douxie repeated in confusion. That was the name of one of the Trollhunter's friends, wasn't it? One of the not human ones?
But Dr. Lake wasn't listening, already moving for the front door. Douxie followed automatically, trying to puzzle out what was going on. He stopped a step behind her as she reached her table, looking up and down the street. Her shoulders slumped as all she found was her forgotten cup of tea, long-since gone cold.
“Everything alright?” Douxie asked after a moment.
“I was supposed to meet someone here.” She sighed again, this time in resignation. “I think I must have dozed off earlier; I had the strangest dream right before your accident. That he'd turned into some kind of monster in the bathroom.”
Pieces started slotting into place. A broken curse. Time magic. The suddenly open door, and Dr. Lake appearing out of thin air. Mr. Blinky, who was almost certainly the same Blinky aiding Jim, and was very definitely a troll, not a human. Blimey balroths, Douxie had just missed something significant.
“Sorry?” he offered, rubbing the back of his neck. Because while he was pretty sure Dr. Lake hadn't been dreaming, the simplest, non-magical explanation was that tending to him had caused her to miss her meeting. And if Jim had gone to the lengths of using time magic to keep his mother in the dark, well....
“It's not your fault,” Dr. Lake said, clearly guessing what he'd implied. “Not like you sliced your arm open on purpose.”
“That's... true,” he said thoughtfully. He should drop it. It wasn't his place to get involved in Trollhunter business. That way lay trouble, and Merlin had ordered him to stay out of trouble.
Maybe, if he kept reminding himself about that, one day he'd actually listen. “Even so....”
She drew herself up, giving him a smile that had regained some of that playful spark. “Promise not to take those stitches out by yourself and we'll call it even.”
Douxie narrowed his eyes at her, waving his finger. “Cheeky,” he said warningly, but was unable to keep the stern facade up for long. His own answering grin broke across his face as he held out a hand. “But fair. I accept your conditions.”
Dr. Lake laughed and shook his hand. “Then I'll see you in two weeks, Mr...?”
“Casperan,” Douxie said. “Hisirdoux Casperan.”
Dr. Lake blinked at him and blew out a low breath that wasn't quite a whistle. “That's a bit of a mouthful, huh.”
He chuckled, waving off her surprise. “Just call me Douxie. Everybody does.”
“Douxie, then.” Dr. Lake checked her watch. “I've got to get back to work. See you around, kiddo.”
“I'll look forward to it,” Douxie promised, surprised by how much he meant it.
He wasn't supposed to get involved, especially not with the Trollhunter. But this didn't really count, right? And surely Merlin, of all people, would understand how unpredictable the flow of time could be?
On the other hand, Merlin would have to actually wake up to yell at him about it. And that was a risk Douxie found himself willing to take.
Who wants a random scene from one of the fics I'm working on? Too bad, you're getting one anyway.
Set in S01E22, "It's About Time." Question: How does Doctor Barbara Lake forget about Mr. Blinky and his clear medical distress? Answer: Insert one punk wizard distraction. Minor injury warning for a cut arm, and mention of getting stitches, but I don't think anything's too graphic, especially not in this tiny snippet of the thing.
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“You know you don't have to be all macho about this,” she said calmly. “If it hurts, tell me. I can't help if I don't know something's wrong.”
“That's not what it is,” Douxie told her. “Trust me. It really isn't that bad.”
She made a noncommittal noise, carefully pulling back the cloth. “Well, looks like the bleeding's stopped, at any rate. Let's get this cleaned and wrapped.”
Douxie stood so he could hold his arm under the running water, and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Still need those stitches?”
Dr. Lake wet another of the cloths and started wiping at his arm, movements steady and gentle as she gave it a more thorough inspection. “Looks like, yeah.” She returned the raised eyebrow. “And I notice you've got a suture kit in this box. You were going to do them yourself, weren't you?”
Douxie bobbed his shoulder in a helpless half-shrug. “Like I said: wouldn't be the first time.” Then he waved his left hand. “And it's not my dominant hand, so messy stitches aren't a worry.”
She pursed her lips at him, but then returned her focus to cleaning his arm. “Don't see any debris. Sit down and hold this while I get ready to stitch you up.” Douxie opened his mouth to protest, but Dr. Lake just looked at him, something in her eyes piercing straight through the centuries to make him feel like an actual teenager again. “Doctor's orders, young man,” she told him, face resolute.
He froze, totally at a loss for a second, then let out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head with amusement. “Alright, alright,” he said, lifting his free hand in a gesture of surrender before dropping back to his seat and holding the cloth in place. He gave her a crooked grin. “Suppose I'll owe you lunch when you come back to take them out?”
“Now you're getting it,” she said wryly, a playful sparkle in her eyes.
#tales of arcadia#toa trollhunters#toa wizards#toa fanfic#blood warning#minor injury#injury treatment#douxie is pretty cavalier about his health but it really *isn't* a serious injury#douxie#hisirdoux casperan#barbara lake#libby writes#libby's fics#one of my many wips
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