#“a [seal] is for life not just for [Eurovision]”

[rosetta-j-stone]

So...as some of you may know, I emailed Vienna Zoo earlier this week about taking over the sponsorship of Edgar the Baby Seal which was gifted to Bojan and Jere last May - and the zoo got back in touch : D and their response was very positive!

This means that Operation SSF (Seal Sponsorship Fund) is officially on! We are looking into options but it's likely we'll need to purchase a new sponsorship, which we would then gift to Bojan and Jere.

My fellow wannabe seal foster parent @dreaminofu has SEVERAL excellent ideas on this front : )

We are thinking of the second option (Freund/In) from this page

This is the sponsorship we want (zoo confirms):

Once we know likely numbers, we'll start discussing the practicalities. Feel free to DM me if you have questions in the meantime!

SSF! SSF! SSF!

-Rosetta

[thesmilingfish]

I was thinking about some of the gifs that I reblogged and how for a period of my life I saw a lot more movies in the theater than I do now. I thought maybe it was just my imagination so I decided to check myself and randomly chose 1990 as a starting point, then did checked the Wikipedia list for movie releases and then did every ten years to see the results.

1980 - 4

1990 - 45

2000 - 11

2010 - 3

2020 - 0

My memory, of course, could be faulty so I tried to err on the side of caution. It's not like I even saw all of the biggest movies that came out in 1990 or that those movies are better than movies now. Maybe it was because of my age and the group of friends I had at the time. Maybe it was because I lived in a place that had a lot of movie theaters, including an independent 'art' house so I had more options. It could have been the cost of going to the movies was more affordable at the time. (I went pretty much every Friday night to the movies and out to dinner with friends afterwards.)

Weirdly, looking at the list of 1990 movies some of them I never watched again, even though I enjoyed myself at the time. A lot of them I have no idea why I even went to see them in first place, but it was probably because it was what was playing and we wanted to go to the movies so we found something we could all agree on. I do know the only reason I saw Ghost was because my boss made me. We went to the movies together sometimes but he complained that I was a film snob and didn't watch hit movies as a result. Around two minutes into the movie I slipped him a piece of paper naming the murderer and later I almost got attacked by a couple of women for laughing inappropriately. The credits sequence, I believe done by Mike Jittlov, is still my favorite part of the movie even though I've never watch it again.

Below the cut, are the list of movies. Just because.

1980 The Nude Bomb The Empire Strikes Back My Bodyguard Phantasm (!!! way too young to have seen this)

1990 Flashback The Hunt for Red October The Handmaid’s Tale Lord of the Flies Nuns on the Run Cry-Baby I Love You To Death Miami Blues Bird on a Wire Back to the Future Part III Total Recall Dick Tracy Gremlins 2: The New Batch Die Hard 2 Ghost Arachnophobia Navy SEALs Young Guns II Air America Flatliners Pump Up the Volume Darkman Men at Work The Witches Hardware State of Grace Pacific Heights Texasville Henry & June Memphie Belle Tune in Tomorrow Jacob’s Ladder Vincent & Theo The Krays Home Alone Rescuer’s Down Under Dances With Wolves Misery Cyrano de Bergerac The Grifters The Rookie Edward Scissorhands Mermaids The Field Hamlet

2000 Pitch Black The Ninth Gate High Fidelity Mission: Impossible 2 X-Men Hollow Man Charlie’s Angels Quills Vertical Limit O Brother, Where Art Thou? Shadow of the Vampire

2010 The Ghost Writer Iron Man 2 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

2020 - STREAMING Extraction Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga The Old Guard Greyhound Enola Holmes Wonder Woman 1984

[more-than-a-princess]

There it was. Besides a good cup of tea and a smutty novel (did Mikan like dark, brooding heroes too, perhaps?), they could agree on chocolate. Sonia adored it in all forms (well, anything that didn't involve plum fillings or chocolate-covered plums: those were an affront to the senses, particularly her taste buds), including dark. It was just the sort of chocolate that paired well with the aforementioned heroes, often shut away in old, decaying mansions with an old, decaying past they could not escape from until the heroine came into their lives (and they gave in to their desires, naturally).

"Yes, that is correct!" Sonia grinned. A mental note: send a message to her secretary for a chocolate assortment. Her supplies had been nearly depleted after she'd attended a tea party with Celestia Ludenberg, and this time around, she would request more dark chocolate to suit Mikan's tastes. "Novoselic produces the most delicious chocolate in the world. And yes, dark chocolate is quite favored! In the last meeting I attended regarding my country's chocolate production and profits, the chocolatiers reported that it is milk and dark chocolates that are most popular, with white chocolate in third. But filled truffles, drinking chocolate, and semi-sweet baking chocolate are also voraciously consumed."

Those meetings, at least, were far more fun than the usual trade delegations: they came with samples of the newest offerings, as gratitude for the Royal Family bestowing the Royal Seal on only a handful of chocolate companies in the country. Chocolate was also her favored treat for her horror film marathons: no amount of gore could turn her stomach when there was chocolate present. "Oh, I should like to read the book!" Sonia exclaimed, "I have not had the opportunity yet. I wonder though, Mikan-san, how realistic are some of the more bloody and gory scenes, in your professional opinion? Do special effects artists recreate them true to life, or perhaps over-exaggerate for the sake of cinema?"

As much as she wanted to support national pride in the Eurovision preliminaries, Sonia's attention was now fully diverted from her TV screen. Instead, she sat, legs neatly stretched out before her as she listened. It was something that Mikan clearly struggled to talk about, and it was clear to her friend that, first and foremost, she needed to listen, and then decide a proper course of action. "Done something against my will...?" She repeated, before pressing her lips together in careful thought. Truthfully, there were times when much of her life was against her will: when she wanted to do something, anything, that was glaringly unfit for a member of the Royal Family: attending an event as part of a crowd, visiting a haunted location, enjoying a meal in a public dining room in Novoselic. All of them were barred to her at home, and instead she was forced to live so much of her life in private that she wanted to make public, and the public side she desperately wished to be private.

Things her father, and mother for that matter, wanted her to do. Perhaps forcing her to be accompanied to the ballet, the theater, a ball, or some other party by some son of some aristocrat or other, who was so full of self-importance, greed, and upholding the family name and tradition that she not only had nothing in common with him, but he felt entitled for her hand, her lips, and everywhere else. And her parents never minded: he came, as they always did, from the 'right family.' The sort of man who would suit her as Prince Consort one day and be a spectacular failure to her in every other way, particularly in loving her for who she was.

"I suppose," She answered slowly, sighing. "There are...people, families, my parents would like me to befriend and create a closeness, an affinity, with one of their sons. Hoping it will result in a royal union that shines throughout the aristocracy and all of those who admire it: even if the men in question are entirely unsuitable for me in nearly every way I value."

But that wasn't what her friend was referring to. If Sonia was nearly all but in an arranged engagement, with her parents selecting the vast majority of those she was allowed to be publicly dating or romantic with, what Mikan was enduring was much worse. Sonia frowned, shifting closer to Mikan so she could place her hand comfortably on her shoulder. "Oh, Mikan-san..." She murmured, "I am so very sorry that you have experienced such cruelty. But it is not a reflection of your character in the least: you are still my precious friend, no matter what. Is there anyone who might be able to help you?" She wasn't entirely abreast of Japanese law where non-consensual sex was concerned, particularly within families and those still in their teenage years. But if her friend was willing to seek help, she would assist her in any way she could.

"D-Dark chocolate is delicious!" Mikan exclaimed. "It's the only bitter thing I like besides tea." She rarely got the chance to eat chocolate in general; her diet consisted of mostly healthy options. But when she did allow herself a treat here and there, dark chocolate was always a favoured option. "Novoselic is well-known for chocolate, c-correct? Is d-dark chocolate popular there?"

"Oh so you have watched it!!" Mikan exclaimed, excited to know Sonia liked the disturbing horror film too. "I d-do think the book was a little b-better. But overall, Eihi Shiina d-did an excellent job in the starring role." She could go on and on about her favourite horror films. Mainly because she loved theorizing how she would medically fix the gory injuries and wounds.

But her cheerful demeanour faded. The thought of her reality had come crashing back into orbit and she hugged her knees even tighter. Sonia meant well - Mikan knew that - but she also knew that once she told the princess the truth of her home life situation there was a big chance she wouldn't want to associate with Mikan anymore.

She sighed, eyes glued to the tv screen for a few minutes as she calculated the consequences she'd have to endure if she confessed. "S-Sonia?" She began, voice slightly shaking. "Have y-you ever done something against your will? But... y-your dad wants you to do it... because it'll m-make him look better. So y-you do it. Even though you don't wanna because you have to... You have to do it so y-you can keep going..."

Her eyes had gotten watery and red, tears threatening to spill. "I still feel their hands on me when I try to sleep at night..."

[soundsfaebutokay]

Hello! So over the weekend I read Space Opera by Catherynne M. Valente. In this book, when a new species is brought to the attention of the galaxy, generally when they’ve invented radio, they have to compete in the galaxy-wide singing competition to prove their sentience or get destroyed. From what I understand it’s basically space Eurovision.

So. Of course. I kept thinking about The Amazing Devil. Who else could prove we are people? Especially since some of the only advice the human band gets is that the “screamy bits” are most important. Theatrically is vital.

I was reading this book and taking breaks to go on tumblr and see all your posts from Love Run week! It was especially awesome on New York Torch Song day haha

That title with that premise made laugh. That's so perfect, actually. Also space Eurovision as the plot of a book sounds like a blast.

But yeah, you're absolutely right. Who else could better represent us in all our glorious, messy humanity than The Amazing Devil? If any music can manage to convince aliens that even the smallest, most ordinary human life has worth and beauty and importance, it would be theirs. And in case that's not enough to seal the deal, they can also deliver the warning that we've got wells of wildness within us to draw from if ever our home is threatened. Just covering all bases.

I'm so glad you were geeking out with me throughout LoveRun2022! Last day today. :/ But it's not like we're going anywhere, so let's have fun with this. :)

[recentanimenews]

Kurumi Takes Aim at Your Heart in New Visual and Trailer for Date A Live IV

  Date A Live's Kurumi Tokisaki has been turning time and heads for nearly a decade now, and a new visual and trailer that were just released for the anime's currently airing fourth season proves that she still knows how to make an entrance.

        RELATED: Date A Live Life Size Character Standees to be Sold at 33,000 Yen

    Based on the light novels by Koshi Tachibana, Date A Live IV is being directed by Jun Nakagawa (High School Fleet movie) at studio GEEKTOYS, with series composition by Fumihiko Shimo (Clannad) and character designs by Naoto Nakamura (High School Fleet).

  If you're a fan of action harem anime, check out the first three seasons and currently airing fourth season of Date A Live in sub or English dub, right here on Crunchyroll!

  Ordinary high school boy Shido discovers a mysterious girl at ground zero of a recent spacequake. Shido learns, through his sister Kotori, that the girl is one of the Spirits: mystical creatures responsible for the spacequakes. Shido is recruited to help “seal” the sprits and end their threat to mankind. There’s just one catch: the only way to seal a spirit—is to make her fall in love with you.

  Source: KADOKAWA Anime Twitter account

    Der shy man behind @Shymander, Liam is a timezone-fluid Aussie with a distinct fondness for anime, Eurovision and creating odd stats projects despite hating math.

By: Liam Dempsey

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#19)

#19: Yianna Terzi -- Oniro Mou (Greece 2018)

“Αν θα ψάξεις το βυθό μου, ζωντανεύεις το όνειρό μου”

“If you look into my depths, you'll bring my dream to life.”

The proposed Greek national final of 2018 was a mess--the ERT wanted to showcase the Greek language and traditional elements with their songs, probably inspired by Salvador Sobral's victory. But by February, it was down to three songs, and that was narrowed down to this one when the two other record companies couldn't pay up.

Let's just say it was worth it. 😍 (Though Don't Forget the Sun, one of the candidate songs, is also worth a listen. It's more grounded production and lyrically than this one)

Listening to this song for the first time was an absolute experience for me. It felt like diving into the sea and discovering a whole world in front of you. The use of ethnic elements is there but is combined with an atmospheric sound which makes it the more magical. The verses and the chorus work well together, and the bridge towards the end really amplified the tension until it all calms down. I also love the use of the harmonies in the chorus--it basically sealed its status as my favorite.

The lyrics discuss about the personification of Greece and the Greek people talking to each other, which can be interpreted as “nationalist” or “fly on the wall“, but I found it to be quite cool. Greece wants to show her care for her people, but they seem to not listen or Greece can't do much about their situation. The Greeks do care about their mother, but too many bad things have happened to wonder if they should even come back (due to the brain drain in the 2010s). It’s because we think about our home, but cannot come up with the words to communicate it.

I was basically enraptured by this song--to the point I was unhealthily obsessed by it (the only other song I could say this about was Jay Chou's "以父之名"--In the Name of the Father). I was quite happy to see other people like it, and believed in its chances to succeed in the competition.

Unfortunately, there's one little problem with this: the staging.

Basically, it didn't convey the story within the lyrics; instead, it featured Yianna waving the infamous blue hand across and summoning light and smoke throughout. While I didn't notice much of how bad it was, Yianna also wavered in the vocals, and the big "ma yiati..." in the end was off. Like with Sennek and A Matter of Time (#88), it led to the song failing to qualify (hence why I tend to lump them together when it comes to this), which broke my heart--and I didn't watch the SF live!

(In addition, the original plan for the NF was to have a dramatic performance with a sole dancer trying to communicate with Yianna. It was scrapped when this song was selected, which I could understand because I didn't think a strong choreography was needed. I was wrong. 💔 As an apology, here's Sanja's cover from a few months ago; she sings this so well!)

It was awful, because otherwise it would be my favorite Eurovision song ever. There‘s nothing like it, and I find it hard to be touched by other songs with the contest. Oniro Mou takes me on a journey beyond music, and I can't help but be moved by it. It also got me hooked on Greek music and culture, which I didn't know much about prior to 2018 other than through ancient Greece and through their economic crisis. This song tells a story of love, but it's definitely deeper than that; and it connects quite well to me--with no connections to Greece at all.

Personal ranking: 1st/43 Actual ranking: DNQ--14th in the first semi-final in Lisbon

Final Impressions on 2018: I have some seriously mixed feelings about this year, of which this song was a huge part of it. Thanks to Salvador's win the previous year, we get a lot more genre and language diversity, of which is greatly welcomed here! Albania manages to keep their song in Albanian (#171), we get the first fully Armenian and Georgian songs, and we get a mix of traditional influences, rock, and even three-in-one songs! This mash-up in particular showcases the breadth of the songs, and most of them are good!

What rubbed me the wrong way was the results. The first semi-final was enough to ruin my perception of this year (my top five had two auto-qualifiers and three songs from there--only Toy managed to make it through). The week got better, and we got a solid final (rewatching it, I was surprised how great the last six songs were) , though that sadness lingered through. Netta ended up winning, which almost made up for it, though Toy wasn't as beloved as it was when it was first released.

[knives-out20]

Poet - Alexander Lemtov x Male!OC

Fandom: Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Pairing: Eros Xenakis (OC) x Alexander Lemtov

Warnings: Yearning, Swearing, Gay asf,

Notes: hehe time skip make brain go brrrrrrrr. Credit goes to @.rosewatwr on twt for the poem verses!

Dedicated To: Caspian

Eros stood over a table of pages of paper in his library, a glass of scotch in his hand. “‘I long for your hands, two doves that shade the blaze of my longing.’��Maisoon Saqr.” He read, eyes grazing over the pages of Arabic poetry. Eros took a mindful swig of his scotch. “I know you’re there,” he called, turning to the direction of the door.

The library door creaked open, and in stepped Alexander.

Eros offered a slight wave with his free hand. “Lemtov.”

“Sorry...was exploring, heard you talking to yourself, had to come check.” Alexander explained.

Eros chuckled; Alexander had been staying with Mita and him for a while now, yet he still had some getting used to when it came to Eros’ house. “I’m reading poetry.” He explained, turning away.

Alexander walked closer. “How you write poetry?”

Eros hummed. “Poetry? It’s easy, I just start talking to you.” He flirted, giving Alexander a charming smile.

Alexander grinned. “I like you.” He pointed at Eros, winking.

“Honored, truly.” Eros set his glass down on a coaster. “Poetry is...it’s a hard-to-explain old art. Want me to read you some Arabic ones? I’ll translate.”

Alexander nodded, eyes curious.

“I have bits and pieces, see-” Eros pointed down at the scattered papers. “‘And if the devil was to ever see you, he’d kiss your eyes and repent’ Farouq Jwaydeh. ‘I would split open my heart with a knife, place you within and seal my wound, that you might dwell there and never inhabit another...' Ibn Hazm. 'They asked 'do you love her to death?' I said 'speak of her over my grave and watch how she brings me back to life' Mahmoud Darwish.”

“Is all poetry just about love?”

Eros shook his head. “No, Alex. It can be about anything. Sadness, grief, serenity, even hatred. Anything at all. It takes a while to get good at, though. So don’t expect yourself to be an instant Edgar Allan Poe.” He chuckled, catching Alexander’s confused face. “…Edgar Allan Poe.” Eros repeated.

Alexander shrugged.

“’The Raven’? ‘Annabel Lee’? He’s a famous poet!” Eros raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I’ll teach you about him later, anyway- look at this-” he shuffled through the pages of writings, finding a piece he hadn’t read aloud to Alexander yet. “‘I long for your hands, two doves that shade the blaze of my longing' Maisoon Saqr.“ Eros recited, his eyes on Alexander’s hands; they were very nice hands.

Alexander looked down at Eros’ at the mention of hands. He noted that Eros’ hands looked smooth, and were most likely dexterous. A couple paper cuts, and a single scotch droplet on his right middle finger. They were very nice hands.

The two made sudden eye contact, their chests feeling fuzzy at that very second.

Eros cleared his throat, looking away. “Anyway- uh-” he flipped through for another verse. “'Your eyes are like palm-groves refreshed by dawn's breath. Or terraces the moon leaves behind' Badr Shakir Al-Sayyab.” He quoted, stealing another glance up at Alexander’s eyes, which the fireplace lit up quite well. “My favourite pieces has to be Adonis’. Care to listen?”

Alexander gulped. “Yes, please.” He nodded, taking a step toward Eros.

Eros smiled gleefully. “’My lips and fingers were pens on her flesh. I memorized her in every alphabet and memorized my memories until they multiplied..' Adonis, as I said.”

“Your body parts cannot turn into objects, though. That is lying, no?”

Eros giggled. “You can lie like this in poetry. As long as it makes some sense sometimes.” He explained.

“Ah,” Alex nodded again. “Are you a poet?”

Eros gestured his hand in a ‘so-so’ way. “I dabble in it. I mostly teach about it, though.” He answered, nodding. “'Awake with me all night she whispers, 'you are my angel. Beneath your skin an angel hides. Let's plunge into the deep again, my love, and leave to others the height and breadth of all the kingdoms of the air'.”

Alexander furrowed your eyebrows. “You said it had to make sense. That didn’t make sense.” He pouted.

Eros held back a laugh; this was quite fun. He pat Alexander’s shoulder, ignoring the shiver it sent down his spine. “I said some sense sometimes. Most poets go crazy on whatever doesn’t make sense, and we eat that shit right up.” He scoffed. “’From the base of her neck to the arch of her eyelids, her beauty made a slave of me'." Eros set down the papers, trailing his eyes up from Alexander’s neck to around his eyes. He felt as if he knew just how Adonis felt in this poem. Eros sighed silently, draining the contents of his glass. “That’s all I have on me right now. Did you like any?”

Alexander hummed, lips forming a line. “That Adonis man has weird poetry...I quite like it, though. Think you could read me more, sometime?”

Eros watched the way Alexander’s soft-looking lips moved as he spoke, honey dripping from one word after the other. He breathed out heavily, growing needy for something he doesn’t know if he was ready to have. Eros was sure he waited long enough, but the question was if Alexander had even waited at all?

Alexander stood in silence, the answer to that question being yes, yes, a thousand times, yes. 

Eros snapped out of it, shaking his head. “Uh- yea, of course. I’d love to.”

“Wonderful!” Alexander smiled, turning on his heel and pacing out of the library.

Eros held his scotch glass tightly, watching Alexander intently. Once the man was out from within an earshot, he groaned lowly. “I need another drink.”

[rosetta-j-stone]

So

Um

I emailed Vienna Zoo to inquire about Edgar the Baby Seal

...watch this space I guess???

[pinktintedmonocle]

Blue Is Not The Only Colour - A Red Dwarf FanFic - Chapter 1 - NSFW

Red Dwarf is under attack.   All systems are down with no hope of recovery.  The crew is doomed.  And all Lister can think about is Rimmer’s new purple uniform. Fluffy smut for all your Rimster needs!  Set after The Promised Land – spoilers for that episode.

Inspired by one of my favourite fanfics that I’ve recently rediscovered after many years – Catcall by Kahvi and Roadstergal.  There’s a bit in that fic where Rimmer briefly changes his uniform purple and Lister really likes it, and it got me thinking…

Chapter 1: The Lift

“Status report!” screamed Rimmer, bracing himself against the side of the lift as the ship lurched violently to one side.  

Kryten’s face appeared on the screen in the corner of the lift.  “All principal and auxiliary systems are down, sirs, and all doors have been sealed shut.  Mister Cat and I are doing everything we can to reboot the engines but the GELF ship hit us pretty hard.”

Lister attempted to stand up just as the ship started to shake again.  He wisely decided to stay on the floor of the lift.  “When you say you and Cat are doing everything you can, do you actually mean that you are doing everything you can while Cat is preening in front of a mirror?”

“Oh no Mister Lister, Mister Cat is not currently staring at himself in a looking glass.”

“Really?” asked Lister, incredulous.  “You mean he’s actually helping?”

There was a pause while Kryten glanced over his shoulder.  “Well, not exactly.  At the present moment he is making a rather fetching pair of earmuffs out of one of those fur rugs we extracted from that luxury liner we raided last month.  And while that may not seem particularly helpful at present if we do crash it will likely be onto that ice planet directly below us, so at least Mister Cat will have something to keep his ears nice and toasty.”

Rimmer threw up his arms in frustration.  “Oh, well, that’s just marvellous, isn’t it?  The rest of us will perish in sub-zero temperatures, but at least if another crew ever stumbles across our frozen remains they’ll find a pair of perfectly persevered ears to take away as a memento.”

“Hey Rimmer man, just try and calm down OK?” said Lister.  “We’ll get out of this, just like we always do.  Isn’t that right Kryts?”

It wasn’t technically possible for Kryten’s face to turn the sickly green pallor that a human face often does in times of extreme peril, but as Lister and Rimmer watched the mechanoid they both thought that he seemed to be giving it a jolly good try.

“Well, actually sirs, I’m not entirely sure that we will be able to get out of this particularly sticky situation.  In fact, I calculate that our chances of survival are roughly the same as the chances of the UK entry coming in first place in the Eurovision song contest.”

Lister slumped forward and buried his face in his hands.  “So we’re totally and utterly smegged, is that what you’re saying?”

“Yes sir, I’m afraid so.   With no systems online we have no way of –”.  Kryten’s image shuddered and disappeared on the screen.

“What’s happened? Where’s he gone?”  Rimmer demanded hysterically.

Lister just groaned. “We must have lost contact with the science room.  The missiles have probably fried the internal communication systems.”

Rimmer turned on Lister, nostrils flared to full capacity.  “It’s your fault we’re stuck in here, you know.  As soon as we got the attack alert I was prepared to take the stairs. It was you who said it would be quicker to get to the science room if we took the lift.”

“Well it worked last time on the Iron Star, didn’t it?” protested Lister.

“Barely!  It was a miracle we got out of there.”  Rimmer surveyed his surroundings, nose wrinkled in distaste.  “You could have chosen one of the Xpress lifts rather than a bog standard service lift. At least then we’d have somewhere comfy to sit while the GELF fry my light bee and turn you into kebab meat.”

The screen flickered back to life and Holly’s gormless face appeared.  “Hey dudes.  What’s happening?”

The ship rocked dangerously and Rimmer was thrown off his feet, landing on his arse next to Lister. “What’s up?” he screeched.  He managed to pull himself up into a sitting position and clung to Lister’s leg to stop himself from toppling over again. “You mean apart from being minutes away from certain death?”

“Oh yeah, I know about that” Holly replied calmly, looking somewhat bored.  “I meant, like, apart from that.”

Rimmer tried and failed to look commanding from his position on the floor.  He settled on just glaring at the computer screen.  “Hang on; if all the systems are down why are you still running?”

Holly shrugged, which was impressive for a being without any shoulders.  “Don’t know.  Think I’ve just got lucky and the GELF missed my hard drive when they attacked.”

“Is there anything you can do to help us Hol?” Lister cried desperately.  The lift was swaying back and forth continuously now and Lister was starting to feel very dizzy.  He gripped Rimmer’s arm for some support.

“Oh, not really” said Holly. “I could play some chill out music though if you wanted.  Or whale song; that is supposed to be very relaxing.”

“Wait a minute!” exclaimed Rimmer.  “Holly, can you access the Hologram Simulation Suite and change me from hard to soft light?  That way I can get out of this smegging lift!”

“Hang on!” said Lister. “You can’t just leave me here to die by myself!”

Rimmer rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic Listy, I’d come back for you.  But if I switch between hard and soft light I can go inside the systems that have been hit and see how bad the damage is.  Then if it’s fixable, I’ll report to Kryten and see if he can do some sort of system repair from the science room.”

Lister had to admit that as plans went, it wasn’t too shabby.

“That’s not a bad idea, actually” agreed Holly.

“Well, get on with it then you senile floppy disk!” snapped Rimmer.

“Oh no, I can’t actually do it”, Holly clarified in his usual monotone.  “The controls to do that were damaged by the missile.  I was just saying that it was a good plan, you know, like theoretically.”

“Brilliant!” wailed Rimmer, throwing his hands up in the air before quickly grabbing back onto Lister’s leg as the lift shuddered.  “I’m going to die on this smegging ship a second time, cowering in an elevator with a grotty spacebum who thinks cornflakes covered in grated onion and vindaloo sauce is a healthy and balanced breakfast.”

“Hey man, don’t take this out on me!” protested Lister.  “It’s not my fault those crazy GELF goits decided to bomb us again!”

In fact, Lister thought a little guiltily, it probably was partly his fault.  The GELF had never forgiven him for abandoning Hackhackhack Ach Hachhachac on their wedding night.  He fully expected Rimmer to point this out and continue his snarking, but instead the hologram deflated visibly and let out a long sigh.

“This is it then Listy, after all these years.  I’ll be dead and gone, rather than just dead. We both will.”

Rimmer leaned in a little closer to Lister, and Lister’s brain registered for the first time that Rimmer’s arms were wrapped around one of his legs, while he was clutching one of Rimmer’s arms with both hands.  The soft thrum of electricity emanating from Rimmer’s light bee was oddly calming, and holding onto Rimmer’s hologrammatic body made his hands tingle pleasantly.  He had just started to think about how well defined Rimmer’s arm felt beneath his grasp when Holly interrupted.

“I can change the colour of your uniform though, if that helps.”

“What?” Rimmer asked, bemused.

“Well, I can’t change you to soft light, but I can send a signal to your light bee to change the colour of your uniform from blue to red.”

“And how the smegging hell would that help?” snarled Rimmer.

“Well” said Holly with all the enthusiasm of a sixty year old Geography teacher on the verge of retirement who had just been told they had to teach fourteen year olds about sedimentary rocks for another five years before they could draw their pension, “When you’re soft light, your uniform is red.  So even though I can’t make you soft light so you can go and save the ship, I can make your uniform red so you can look like you’re soft light.  That way you can at least pretend to be soft light and helpful so you can feel a bit better about the whole situation, like, psychologically.”

Rimmer fixed the monitor displaying Holly’s face with a venomously seething glare of such intensity that it would cause any sane sentient computer to immediately start wiping its hard drive just to be rid of the memory of such a glare.  Holly however, being about as sane as an MP for UKIP, just smiled pleasantly back.

“See?” said the computer. Rimmer’s uniform shimmered from blue to red.  A tiny jolt of electricity went through Lister as the change took place.  It was actually quite pleasant and just slightly arousing, which, combined with Lister’s grip on Rimmer’s nicely muscled arm and the fact that the hologram’s hands seemed to be making their way slowly up Lister’s leg as Rimmer clung on for support, caused the beginnings of a stirring in Lister’s groinal region that made him very thankful that he was wearing his baggiest trousers.

“And it’s not just red I can do”, continued Holly, completely oblivious to the reactions of the occupants of the lift.  “I can turn your uniform any colour you want actually.”

Rimmer’s uniform started to shimmer it’s way though the rainbow and every shade in between, from reds to oranges to yellows to greens to blues to purples-

“Stop!” yelled Lister, startling Rimmer.  “Stop on that purple, Hol.”

“Alright”, said Holly. The flickering stopped and Rimmer’s uniform settled on a deep amethyst shade.  “It’s a nice colour that.  Good choice.”

“Yeah, it is.” agreed Lister, somewhat breathlessly.  In that moment Lister thought it was probably the most alluring colour he had ever seen, and given the Cat’s penchant for beautiful fabrics he’d pretty much seen every other colour under the sun.  But there was just something special about this colour; it complemented Rimmer’s pale complexion perfectly and brought out his soft brown eyes.  That and the fact that Lister had received several dozen tiny electric shocks every time Rimmer’s uniform had changed colour meant that he was now as hard as a rock.

Rimmer stared at Lister as if he had a polymorph stuck to his face.  “Have you gone completely loopy?  Has space rot finally taken hold of your brain after one too many beer milkshakes?  We’re on the verge of certain death and all you can think about is the hue of my clothes? I expect this kind of behaviour from that imbecile”, Rimmer jerked his head in the direction of Holly, “but I wasn’t expecting you to go completely senile for at least another five years or so.”

Lister shifted in a way designed to bring Rimmer’s hand slightly further up his thigh.  “Can’t I pay you a compliment before we die?” he asked huskily.

The lift shook again and Rimmer grabbed Lister’s other leg to stop himself from being thrown against a wall.  Lister felt quite faint; he honestly didn’t know how much more contact he could stand with the hologram before he either passed out or came in his pants.  Or both.

Rimmer frowned. “You’ve never paid me a compliment like that before.”

“I must have done,” said Lister, barely holding on to consciousness.

“You definitely haven’t. I would have remembered.” sniped Rimmer.

“Well, I’m paying you one now.”  The lift shook again and although Lister wasn’t unbalanced by this particular shudder he still took the opportunity to grab hold of Rimmer’s other arm. They were properly holding each other now and Lister couldn’t help but be aware of how close their lips were. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself. “I’m just saying that that colour really suits you.  It really, really suits you.  Although maybe not quite as well as the diamond light suit.”

“Oh?” asked Rimmer, who had been distracted from thoughts of impending death by the incredibly rare occurrence of someone saying something nice about him.  “And what was better about the diamond light suit?”

The whacking great codpiece thought Lister, although he didn’t say it out loud.  “It looked good, is all.”  And you looked good in it.  So, so good.  “Hey Hol, give us a moment will you?”

“Ok”, replied the computer. He paused for a second. “There.  That was a moment.”

Lister rolled his eyes. “I meant give me and Rimmer a moment alone Hol.  In other words, smeg off!”

“Oh right”, said Holly, sounding a little offended.  “You could have just said.  You didn’t have to be so rude about it.”  The screen went black.

“You’ve annoyed him now.” stated Rimmer.  “He’ll probably wake you up tomorrow at six with those cockerel sounds he loves so much.”

“There won’t be a tomorrow”, Lister said distractedly, thinking about the word ‘cockerel’.  In particular the first syllable.

“Oh God, I almost forgot!” Rimmer exclaimed.  “I’m going as mad as you.  Must be my memory files shutting down.  I’ll probably be nothing but a drooling mess in a few minutes!”

Lister could tell that Rimmer was on the verge of a full blown panic attack, so he removed his hands from the hologram’s arms (somewhat reluctantly) and grabbed his face instead. The lift gave another shake and somewhere in the distance several alarms started to sound.  It was amazing that the cables holding them in the lift shaft hadn’t snapped yet and sent them plummeting to their deaths.  Lister tried not to think about that.  Or the word ‘shaft’.

“Rimmer”, he said softly, letting his thumb gently rub circles on the hologram’s cheek.  “I know we’ve had our disagreements over the years-”

“We have disagreements every day, Listy”, Rimmer said, although he didn’t try to move away from Lister.  “Most days we’ve had at least seven before you’ve even had your mid-morning curry.”

“Yeah, I know man”, said Lister.  The lift was shaking uncontrollably now.  Lister titled his head forward slightly, his lips only an inch away from Rimmer’s. “But there’s a reason I like to wind you up so much.  There’s a reason I tease you until you get all flustered and your cheeks turn red and you stomp off and I watch your lovely arse as you walk away.”

Rimmer blinked.  “I’m sorry, did you just refer to my arse as ‘lovely’?”

“Yeah, Rimmer, I did. Because there’s something I need to tell ya, something I should have told you a long time ago but I was just too much of a coward.  Because the thing is Rimmer, I lov-”

All of a sudden the lift stopped shaking, the distant alarms grew quiet and the lights in the lift turned back to full brightness.  The screen flickered back to life and Holly’s face re-appeared.  “Is this a good time, or are you two still having your moment?”

Rimmer pulled away from Lister’s embrace and stood up, leaving Lister’s arms feeling horribly empty.

“What the smeg is going on Holly?” Rimmer demanded.  “Why aren’t we dead yet?  What about the GELF missiles?”

“What missiles?” asked Holly, looking puzzled.

“The missiles that hit the ship and were in the process of killing us, you goit!” Rimmer shrieked. Lister couldn’t help think that he looked very sexy when he got all worked up.

“Oh right”, said Holly. “See, the thing is that there weren’t actually any missiles in the first place.  Or any GELF ship.”

Holly’s words hit Lister like a ton of bricks and snapped him out of his lustful reverie.  He scrambled to his feet to stand beside Rimmer. “Hang on a minute, Hol!  What the smeg do you mean there weren’t any missiles or a ship?”

“It’s probably best I let the others explain”, said Holly.

The screen flickered and Kryten’s face appeared on it, looking guiltier than OJ Simpson.  “Oh Mr Lister sir!” exclaimed the mechanoid. “It’s so good to see you again. When we lost contact I was terrified you might have been knocked unconscious, what with the ship shaking so violently and things flying everywhere.”

“I’m fine, Kryts.  But what did Holly mean when he said there were no missiles or no attacking ship?”

“Hang on!” interrupted Rimmer.  “Why did you only ask Lister if he was OK?  What about me?  Why does no-one care about me?”

I care, thought Lister.  His cock, still half hard, gave a twitch of agreement.  In fact, one part of me seems to care about you very much.

Kryten pretended not to hear the hologram.  “Well, you see, Mister Lister sir, what we thought was an attack from a GELF ship turned out not to be a real attack at all but in fact just a very realistic simulation.  It seems that when Red Dwarf was being built it was fitted with newly designed emergency protocol simulation software.  The idea was that once every few months the immersive simulation would be activated so the crew could practice what to do in case of a GELF attack, like the fire drills I believe they used to have back on Earth.”

“Hang on”, said Rimmer. “I’ve never even heard of an immersive emergency drill before, let alone done one aboard Red Dwarf.  When we did a practice drill there just used to be a little alarm that sounded and we all pretended an attack was taking place and lined up in a corridor so a man with a clipboard could tick our names off on a register.”

“That’s because the idea was scrapped before Red Dwarf ever launched”, Kryten continued.  “There was another ship built to the same specifications that took off just before Red Dwarf, but tragically all crew members were killed during the first week of their voyage.  You see, they were so busy doing the simulated attack that they failed to realise that they were actually under attack and the ship was blown up. So the function was never used on Red Dwarf, although the controls to activate it remained.”

“So how the smegging hell did it get activated after three million years?” asked Lister.

Kryten shifted uncomfortably.  “Well, I believe Mister Cat may have been responsible for that, sirs.  You see, the button to activate the simulation is very large and red and shiny, and I believe he just couldn’t resist pressing it.”

The Cat’s face appeared next to Kryten’s on the monitor.  “Actually, I was trying to prise it off the wall to use as a brooch. Pressing it was just an accident.”

“So all that panic and stress we just went through was so the Cat could get a twinkly new accessory?” Rimmer threw up his hands in disbelief. “I nearly had a heart attack just so that feline imbecile could deck himself out like Liberace?”

“Well, sir, as you don’t actually have a heart you aren’t technically capable of having a heart attack –”

“Shut up Kryten!” Rimmer snapped.  “No one cares about your technicalities!  Holly, can you please just open the door to this damn lift.”

Holly’s face reappeared on the screen.  “Can do, Arnold.”  The doors of the lift slid smoothly open and Rimmer stalked out.

“I’ll be putting you all on report for this!”  Rimmer said as he started to walk down the corridor.  “There’s going to be so much paperwork to fill out.  It’s going to be marvellous.”

Lister watched the hologram’s retreating figure with mixed emotions.  It would be so easy just to let him go, to go back to their usual routine of sniping and gripping and repressed feelings.  But did he really want that?

“Hey Rimmer”, he called out. The hologram stopped in his tracks and turned back to face Lister.  

“What?” Rimmer said. Lister hesitated, trying to find the right words.  Rimmer tapped a foot impatiently.  “Well, spit it out.  I haven’t got all day.  Those forms aren’t going to fill themselves out.”

“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?” Lister blurted out.

Rimmer blinked. “What?”

Lister took a deep breath. “Dinner.  With me. Tonight.  Seven-thirty.  Parrots on G deck.”

“But I don’t eat, Lister, what with being dead for the last three million years.  Or had you forgotten?”

“We can get Holly to programme some hologrammatic food for you.  Something dead fancy, like lobster or something.  I’ll avoid soup though, promise, hot or cold.”

Rimmer’s face creased in confusion.  “But why go to all the bother of creating fake food for a dinner that I don’t even need to eat?  Why would you-”

“It’s not about the smegging food Rimmer!” Lister cried, throwing up his arms in frustration.

“Then what is it about?” asked Rimmer, looking utterly perplexed.

“The fact that I’m smegging in love with you!” screamed Lister.

The silence that followed Lister’s statement was so absolute you could have heard a skutter drop a pin.

Rimmer went very still. “What did you just say?” he asked slowly.

Lister sighed.  There was no going back now.  In for a penny, in for a pound as his Gran used to say. “That I love you, you smeghead, alright? I have done for a while now, but I’ve just been waiting for the right moment to tell you.  But when we thought we were gonna die back there in the lift I realised that there is never going to be a right moment.  So I’m telling you now; I, David Lister, am in love with you, Arnold Judas Rimmer.  And I think that you might feel the same way about me.  And it’s time we talked about that.”

Rimmer opened his mouth to respond but no sound came out.  He opened and closed it for several seconds as if doing an impression of a guppy before he just let it hang open and stared at Lister in shock.

“So seven-thirty, yeah?” asked Lister.  “Then we’ll talk about it?”

Rimmer regained enough motor function to nod mutely.

Lister wasn’t sure if the nod was an acknowledgment of Rimmer’s feelings for him or simply an indication that he would see Lister at seven-thirty.  Hopefully it was both.  Lister smiled.  “Ok, see you then.”  As he walked away, he had a thought and called back over his shoulder.  “Oh, and wear that purple uniform.  It’s very sexy.  And maybe see if you can add a codpiece to it.”

As Lister turned a corner he heard Rimmer make some sort of high pitched choking sound.  As he sauntered away, grinning from ear to ear, he wondered if that was the kind of noise Rimmer might also make in bed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long before he found out.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 15 - 11

15. Ieva Zasimauskaitė - “When we’re old” Lithuania 2018

[2018 Review here]

~wen wir owld HOOOOOOOOOOOO~

So close to the endgame it’s time to open all of the emotional registers. Much like Hovi, I did not expect to love Ieva as much as I do, however unlike Hovi I had already fully embraced Ieva and “When we’re old” long before rehearsals started.

And for good reason because Ieva fucking disarms me every time without fail. She herself is of course a hilarious, relatably weirdo indie girl, this time in the guise of a Born Again Hindu who ~FELT A COSMIC PRESENCE~ on the stage with her. 😍 Telling the true story of how she overcame depression by falling in love with her hubby. Flanked by holograms that project Ieva’s life dream: to be happy and grow old with the love of her life. All my hopeless romantic triggers are activated by this song. ALL OF THEM.

People are generally divided on Ieva’s voice, but um hello welcome to BorisBubbles. I ranked Nina Kralic and Jana Burcheska hellow-high. I LOVE Ieva’s husky, nasal, ovine, falsetto whine of a voice. It makes “When we’re old” for me. Ieva injects so much vulnerability and authenticity into a song that whenever she performs it, all I can do is sit in silence, tears welling up in my eyes, bleating along with the WHAOHHHHHs. Time truly stands still during “When we’re old” and I’m speechless.

________________________________________________________________

14. Conchita Wurst - “Rise like a phoenix” Austria 2014

You can be damn’ sure the highest ranked powerballad on this list is “Rise like a phoenix”. It isn’t as much as a song as it is an INSTITUTION. 

Which is why, symbollically, “Phoenix” is a very important winner. It’s a plight for overcoming hate, for overcoming bullying, from being yourself in the face and of adversity and rising from the ashes reborn, reinvented, reinvigorated. Its presentation is provocative, yet secondary, putting vocals and song on the foreground. It is rooted in the political zeitgeist of its winners, like most modern winners, obviously, 

however, ask yourself this:

Would “Phoenix” have won if it hadn’t been a great performance of a great song? 

I don’t think it would have. Take away the powerful composition and leave just the politically correct message, and you get Bilal Hassani. Take away the beard and you have, well, a really good song bond theme by a talented vocalist, that probably would’ve finished top ten, if not top five in most years. 

It’s easy to get distracted by Tom’s stick because a “Bearded drag queen” provides a lot of cognitive dissonance, which I personally love because it forces me to think, keeping my mind sharp. The use of a gimmick does NOT cheapen the talent on display here, however. Tom’s delivery of the song is flawless, hitting every note, delivering both ‘feminine’ nuturing comfort and ‘masculine’ strength to his glorious song. He even throws in some small nuggets of fierceness, providing levity, reminding us of Conchita’s drag queen roots

The act is cut from the same professional cloth; it is maybe a tad provocative, but at it’s core it remains dignified and classy, maintaining a moral high ground that instantly sheds a bad light on any hater. You may pull her down, but she’s gonna FLYYYYY.

Conchita Wurst is the best winner of this decade, period. No winning performance is as ironclad, vocally, musically or stagingwise as hers. No other winner has shown as much raw performance talent as she has. No winner has been able to make such a statement while at their core maintaining a high-quality musical standard. No winner has been such a champion of those whose voices are trampled for being different. To use Conchita’s own words after she won: “WE ARE UNITY. AND *WE* ARE UNSTOPPABLE.” 

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13. Zlata Ognevich - “Gravity” Ukraine 2013

This is the last female fronted act from 2013, you know what that means: EPIC ENTRANCE TIME 😍

What a beautiful dreamscape. I felt bad ranking Elina Nechayeva in a fairly low 39th place, but honestly, “Gravity” vibes very similarly and does the same things a lot better: Breathtakingly regal woman, a mirage of near-divine grace, stunning visual effects... SIGN ME UP ALREADY. At the core we of course find Zlata, the winner of the Best Human Award in 2013. Zlata’s backstage bits were rife with personality facts that instantly endeared her to me. A praraphrased selection from her infinitely quotable interview gold: ”I PRACTICE BIG VOICE BY HOLDING BREATH UNDERWATER”; “I COME FROM PLACE IT’S CALLED CRIMEA, IS LARGE ::reads from online dictionary:: PEN...EEN...SYOO..LA(?) WITH BIG MOUNTAIN AND LARGE SEA ^_^”; “I LOVE UNICORN IS FAVOURITE ANIMAL”. GODDESS. 😍

Fortunately her overpoweringly loud, yet disarmingly weird personality is also omnipresent during her big screen performance. “Gravity” is a mirage of Disney mojo and Zlata absolutely fucking hits it like A SHTRIKE OF DUNDAR

I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a song that is legit quotable at every interval? There is not a single line in “Gravity” that doesn’t bring out the bedroom karaoke: “IMMA LIIIKA BADDERFLYYYYY.” “NOTHING COMES FROM PRIDE, -*HAYLALE*” “NOW I FEEL NO FEEEEE-AAAAAAR.“

And I’m not even done because Gravity ALSO features an excellent backing choir (the male backing vocalist is incredible). It’s just a perfect example of world music, conjuring three minutes of pure, unicorn-endorsed magic. IMMA LIIIKE A BADDERFLYYYYY. 🦋

________________________________________________________________

12. Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you” Albania 2010

YUARDAWAN 😀 YUGIMMEDATSAMTINANEED 😀 ITZMI 😀 ENDAMFOLIN 😀

We are at #12, which means we’re at that Olympian milestone where every entity ranked is a fucking supernatural force. In Juliana’s case a forced of pure, unfiltered, streechy harpism. 😍 It is so weird to think that she was the first of Albania’s now iconic ‘Shrieking Boss Hag” archetype because it feels like a alliance older than time, sealed and styled in cuneiform onto a shard of Sumerian pottery, blessed by the Annunaki and then embedded into the muddy banks of the Euphrates. 

Anyway, Juliana earned my HEART once she greeted us with her uncanny-valleyesque diction and cheshire-catesque leering, all YUARDAWAN! and proceeded to throw everything, both vocally and facialexpressionly, into the mix, in ascending degrees of deafening loudness. 😍

With a criminally addictive electronic schlager song too boot! One which, like Zlata features an INCREDIBLE supporting cast in a bangin’ gospel choir, as well as a very generous dollop of ❤ ELECTRONIC VIOLA REALNESS ❤

One of the fave musicians of NaziPope, btw. “It’s all about you” is such a Triumpf of the Shrill. 😍

Anyway, this high quality list of ingredients make for a very replayable ride that never spoils or grows stale, no matter how often I listen to it. Which is actually a lot. I’ve looped “It’s all about you” at countless occasions since 2010, making it perhaps the song on this list that I have to the MOST often. (Or second most because there IS a song I still have to rank that may challenge Juliana for that title.) If that ain’t a hallmark for quality, I don’t know what is. 

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11. Koza Mostra ft. Agathonas Iakovidis - “Alcohol is free” Greece 2013

Has life been letting you down? Have you been struck by a financial crisis? Do you no longer know how to continue living. Fear not, because :cracks knuckles: we are about to embark on a MASTERCLASS of unabashed drunken REVELRY:

Um a small disclaimer though. This song has a really really, really, REALLY irresponsible title. DO NOT at any circumstance use alcohol as a coping mechanism, engage in drunk driving or other activities under influence that you may life to regret later, if you live to regret it later. Also don’t drink if you’re underage. Also also, alcohol can cause obesity and cardio-vascular arrest. and cancer, possibly. Drink, but do so RESPONSIBLY. 

HOWEVER, what if this song is... a PSA???😈 An Anti-Crisis PSA that is, lol. A group of folk hipsters literally PARTYING AWAY the misery of the financial crisis in a delightfully self-deprecating fashion is just the pinacle of fun for me and Koza Mostra fucking ROLL with it. Watching them dart out in all wind directions, interacting with each other gives me LIFE.

It’s exactly that sort of industriousness which sets “Alcohol is free” apart from other party songs. There is a LOT of randomness going on in the background and it gives you ZERO time to process all of it, making every rewatch an easter egg hunt.

This approach to staging usually doesn’t work, but here it is actually very intelligent and I’ll explain why: The act places a lot of focus on Agathonas (which it should because he’s the lead singer despite his featured status), but by the same token offers constant distraction by all the Koza Mostra shenanigans in the background...  In other words, it’s an act that forces your attention away from the main event by confusing your senses, requesting all of you concentration keep up with everything that’s going on... which is actually a brilliantly accurate simulation of how 'being drunk’ works.

(btw if you listen closely you can hear the sound of Agathonas tapping his skull lol <3)

So the next time you listen to this song, pour yourself a drink (ONE drink!) sit back and embark on a Waldo-esque hunt to see how many beautiful nuggets you can find hidden in that splendid act, as the upbeat sirtaki madness fills your head with cloudy thoughts. As far as I’m concerned, Koza Mostra have WON the Eurovision Fun Contest. 

EVERYONE RISE AND APPLAUD THE  10 BEST ENTRIES IN THIS DECADE:

From now on, I’ll only include maximum 2 songs per update :o

And in this update we finally say goodbye to Greece, Albania, Ukraine, Austria and Lithuania. Read my thoughts on them, below:

LITHUANIA

Lithuania was hands down the worst country in the 00s and look at their chart now. They are slowly getting their shit together and it shows. Keep on going, darlings!!

AUSTRIA

God Austria are so boring. At least they occasionally provide us with a great entry here or there, but they’re so inconsistent in their entertainment. 2 great - 6 okay - 1 terrible is NOT a great ratio by any means. 

UKRAINE

ALBANIA

Albania are very hit-or-miss, but I really like their presence in Eurovision actually. Like Georgia they entries are so left-field that they are always *interesting* even when they’re not good. Except “Fairytale”. Fuck “Fairytale”.

GREECE

Fuck this decade was ROUGH for Greece. They are a shattered nation and if you think this chart is bad, let me remind you that their best result in the past five contests is 19th place. Same in fact, as San Marino’s highest and lower than the highest placements of Albania, Montenegro, Slovenia, UK, Ireland, North Macedonia,...

[schneefusslanti]

A Tale of Two Doctors

Another episode in the world of @fandomfishie​‘s Eurovision Part of Town, which I had a lot of fun co-writing this with @emmadeforests​ over the past few months. As with other EPOT works, same rules follow: a) what happens on Tumblr stays on Tumblr, b) don’t show the artists, and c) the characters in the work do not reflect the artists in real life.

Iveta likes to think she manages just fine. Rather, that she and Sandhja manage just fine. The hospital works nicely with the two of them (and, of course, it worked nicely with Gianluca and Sandhja when Iveta was called into court). The last thing she wants - or needs - is an orthopedic specialist. And definitely the last thing she wants is an orthopedic specialist who’s friends with Samra.

Dihaj was one of the earlier arrivals into town this season, and it was common knowledge that she had been bunking with Samra until she found a real job. Iveta had hoped and hoped that Dihaj wouldn’t be assigned anywhere near her - she certainly didn’t want anyone else bugging her about the stupid property dispute, it was HERS, dammit - but sadly here she was, glaring at the piece of paper notifying her about Dihaj’s new position.

    At least they’d be on opposite ends of the hospital. Nothing would happen. Right? 

After weeks of paperwork and hanging around Samra’s Miracles and Curiosities store, Dihaj’s position had finally transferred over from the Milli Secim Turu Part of Town to the Eurovision Part of Town. She’d heard all about the lab from Samra, about how Specialty Pharmacy drugs were allegedly stashed next to the a pile of lavash in the same closet (Iveta denied this), about how weird chemicals came out of the fume hood vent. But Iveta was still a doctor, and anyone who went through the hell of med school automatically earned at least some respect, property dispute or no property dispute.

As she moved into her office she noticed the of paperwork on her desk. Most of it was pretty normal: welcome letter, staff directory, other contacts in the EPOT…and an official-looking letter from the court.

To: Iveta Mukuchyan, Samra Rahimli From: District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town CC: Diana Hajiyeva Subject: Laboratory Property Dispute

The District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town will no longer settle future disputes relating to the possession of the laboratory bunker. All future conflict relating to must be settled out of court; our staff will disregard any cases between involved parties.

Iveta had received the same printout on her desk that morning. She doesn’t understand what the court is trying to say - did Ela think that Dihaj is going to start something? Or is this some kind of preventative measure, to pressure them away from coming into direct conflict? Either way, Iveta doesn’t want to bring the new employee into this. It would just end badly for Iveta - does she want to make any more enemies in this town? No. 

Despite the tension everything seemed pretty normal after the first day. Iveta would make rounds on her side of the hospital, while Dihaj made rounds on her side. The two would occasionally meet up by the coffee maker, though the most they would say was “hello,” “how are you”, and “fine, thank you.” Maybe the occasional “Excuse me” or “Pass me a spoon” but nothing else. That is, until Dihaj’s phone rang one day. And of course it had to be about the bunker. 

“Look, I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is it smells weird and I don’t think the lucky bamboo plants are lucky anymore,” complained Samra over the phone. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not something from Nina’s place.”

Armed with a coffee spoon and an ice pack in her coat pocket, Dihaj made sure to hide all the coffee stirrers in her office before Iveta arrived. She looked around and put the ice pack back in her pocket, leaving the spoon on the counter next to the coffee maker. A few minutes later Iveta walked towards the counter, coffee mug in hand. Dihaj watched from outside the break room, seeing Iveta pour coffee, add sugar, add cream. She smiled quietly as Iveta picked up the spoon to stir her drink and walked back to her office, knowing that her fellow colleague had picked up a gallium spoon. With a melting point of 30 degrees C, that spoon would settle as a layer of liquid metal at the bottom of Iveta’s coffee in about five seconds.

Iveta looked down at her coffee. Blinked. Looked again.

There was no spoon.

She could have sworn…

But it wasn’t until two minutes later, when Iveta tripped and her coffee sloshed out of her mug, that she noticed. The spoon… was now a puddle of melty metal sludge at the bottom of her cup.

Only one person could have done this.

Dihaj.

Well, naturally, she had to retaliate. So she made stops at Gabriela’s craft store and Slavko’s costume shop on her way home. Mardi Gras beads, feather boas, plastic flowers, even a horse head (she really did not want to know why Slavko had that). And she came into work an hour and a half early the next day. Couldn’t hurt to have a cushion of extra time, right? 

While Iveta was still in the break room realizing her coffee wasn’t drinkable, Dihaj went back to setting up her office on the other side of the hospital. All the technical stuff was done; the only thing left were the skeleton models she’d waited ages for to ship from her old hospital. One was used for patient education in the ortho department; another sometimes wore her backup white coat and was great for hanging stethoscopes on. The others, when not stashed in the closet,made her office Halloween every day. This time she positioned one on a step ladder and another next to the computer. Except the next day she couldn’t believe what happened…

Education Skeleton looked okay; thank goodness nothing happened to it. Step Ladder Skeleton appeared to be fine as well; it was still in its original position, except a horse head now sat on top of its shoulders. Computer Skeleton was still next to a computer, except it wasn’t next to Dihaj’s office desktop. Instead it was tied to Sandhja’s rolling laptop stand in the hallway with a feather boa, wire flowers tangled in and out of its ribcage. White Coat Skeleton looked all right sitting on a box in the corner, but given that the coat was a size or two too large and dragged at its feet, Dihaj was sure Iveta had prepared a surprise. 

For starters, Iveta had unscrewed the legs. Okay, legs falling off wasn’t too bad; it happened all the time with Dihaj moving the skeletons every few days. But really? She couldn’t believe Iveta would go all the way to find taraz from the Depi Evratasil Part of Town that managed to fit. And the box? Dihaj rolled her eyes as she saw the disgusting combination of banana on tomato sauce before finally reading the note on the inside of the box. 

You might want to check out Horse Head. Heard the school needed to borrow Yorick for the day to play Hamlet.

Iveta smirked as Dihaj came storming out of her office. 

“You… you… what did you do to my skeletons??” The other doctor exploded. 

Iveta remained calm and continued moving her stethoscope over Salvador’s chest. “As you can see, Diana, I am with a patient. Can we continue this conversation later?” She gave Dihaj a saccharine smile and proceeded to pay her no more attention. 

Dihaj returned to the corner to check under the horse head, cursing herself for ordering a skeleton with a detachable skull. Of course it was gone…

Once she’d made a few phone calls to the school confirming the situation and then to Carola for a follow-up exam after getting blown into town again, she headed to Gabriela’s craft store for some glitter.  Turned out to be more of a hassle than she expected, because someone at the pharmacy decided on making fake medication a while ago. Or maybe it wasn’t, because it meant she didn’t have to get any evidence on her shirt. Once that was done she shoved the glitter into an envelope with a few pizza coupons and thank you note for the very interesting banana pizza, double sealed it, and dropped it in the hospital mailbox. Plan and simple.

Hmm. Mail. Not a lot of that in the Eurovision Part Of Town, where most communication is either in-person or via Twitter. But maybe, Iveta thinks, it could be from one of her supervisees in the Depi Evratesil Part Of Town. She always thought Hasmik seemed the type to send on-paper notes. 

She opens it and is met with a blast of red, blue, and green glitter. Iveta blows some out of her mouth, wipes her eyes, and reads the note. Banana pizza. That was a nice touch on her part, she thinks. She stormed out of the hospital, irate (and prompting several reactions from a couple of patients, not to mention the shock she incurred in poor Ilinca at the reference desk. Poor girl spilled her entire coffee and had to get another one.), and headed to Svala’s office supplies store. This prank would be her most time-consuming yet. She prayed that Svala had Post-Its in the right colors. 

Dihaj walked into the hospital, smile disappearing once she smelled the scent of pentyl butyrate in the orthopedics department. Cherries? No. Apricots. Maybe it would have been nice had whoever sprayed it not used multiple cans, especially not while concentrated in in her office, which was…now decked from ceiling to floor in red, blue, and orange Post-its. Including her desktop. Well at least Yorick was back from the school? But even the skull was covered in red, blue, and orange. Without even checking the ground for traces of glitter, she figured the only person who would do this was her fellow colleague. 

The apricot air freshener was way overpowering. There was no way she could stay inside without a gas mask. So much for the town’s recently acquired motto of Love Love Peace Peace; this prank war had already crossed the line of “do no harm” into the danger zone. Looks like it was time for the carpet-based treatment to Wipe. Out. Everything. 

With the town directory in one hand and her phone in the other, she set up camp in an empty patient room, ready to set up one of the hardest pranks in the book. Her preceptor had warned her about other doctors doing this but she’d only seen it once on TV, and it…didn’t work very well that time.

Step one: Get a willing patient Given that Dihaj was still new to the Eurovision Part of Town she wasn’t taking any risks on figuring out who was on Samra’s side or Iveta’s side, so she searched the directory for people from the MST Part of Town. Elnur? Nah, the strip club was too unpredictable. Or Arash? He hung out in the Melodifestivalen Part of Town a lot more than the EPOT. Oh, wait…Ell’s listed number was the one that got hacked and/or disconnected  and changed into the prank call line a while ago before he got a new phone. Of course Samra wasn’t going to do it, since she was still holding up the store and checking for weird stuff coming from the lab. Eventually she decided on Dilara at the fire department. Hopefully the Baltic Boys weren’t shooting off too many fireworks at the casino in the next week… 

Step two: Have said patient appear dead Phone call with Dilara: check. Dilara agreeing to participate: check. Maybe some fake paperwork might be needed but that shouldn’t take more than five minutes. The issue was that Dilara was clearly alive, and what Dihaj needed was someone looking a bit more dead. Thank goodness for stage makeup and cosplay tutorials on YouTube, but that wasn’t going to be enough. Her patient would have to appear like she was hooked up to the EKG, but disconnected just enough to read a flat line. And hopefully her colleague wouldn’t mess up anything.

Step three: Get fellow colleague to take the “dead” patient to the morgue Ahh yes. The morgue. Also known as the one room in the hospital basement with extra air conditioning that’s technically used as an extra storage room. Due to some weird rule from outside the EPOT the hospital was required to have a morgue despite no one dying in town. There was even paperwork on the wall claiming that the place was run by a guy named Knez, who was as present in town as Monika Kuszynska’s nonexistent neighbor. But now with someone “dying", the place would actually have to be used as intended. With all the extra supplies she might even be able to pull off something even more epic than what her preceptor had mentioned.

Once the air in her office had cleared out, she opened a fresh box of chalk and started planning. Something epic, a work or art. Like that one OK Go video that YouTube had suggested. What about ending with a bucket of surgical lube falling on Iveta? But how would it work? Dihaj took another look at the supplies in the morgue: EKG wires, extension cords, oxygen tanks, glue, saline bags, coffee (expired), cleaning supplies (also expired, why was it still here anyway?), flypaper? Nice. Maybe a few more supplies borrowed from Samra? And how to start it? Maybe a remote control signal or something, which Dilara could hide under the covers. A few days of planning, check. Supplies safely hidden downstairs? Check. And now to set up this mess.

If all went as planned, Iveta would roll Dilara’s bed downstairs and park it in the right location. Once in the spot Dilara would hit her remote control and turn on the air on full blast which would hopefully (fingers crossed!) get the ball rolling to hit the rope, switch on the lighter to ignite a candle, slowly burning the rope holding up the bucket of lube hanging above Iveta, with maybe a few extra tricks just for the heck of it. Just to guarantee everything worked out, she lined the area with some flypaper just to make sure her colleague would stay in the right place and attached a camera in the corner.

And then the day had come. .  

Iveta knew the morgue as just… one of those empty, abandoned places in the Eurovision Part Of Town. This Knez guy, if he had ever even existed, had been before her time, so she’d never seen the building in use. 

As far as this prank war with Dihaj had gotten, Iveta didn’t think she would trivialize something as a patient dying. So when Dilara was rushed in, covered in soot and hooked up to a dead EKG, Iveta took it seriously, and accepted the responsibility of taking Dilara’s body to the morgue.

In retrospect, something in Iveta knew that something was probably up. Something made her check the body. 

Warm. 

Well, she had been burned, but… 

Hmm. 

Despite all the preparation and research for this prank, for every step involved there were at least two ways for it to go wrong. What if Iveta decided not to bring Dilara downstairs? Or if the remote control didn’t work? Or even worse, what if the entire setup fell apart before Iveta and Dilara made it downstairs? To Dihaj’s relief, she saw Iveta at the other end of the hallway, pushing a bed into the elevator. She ran down the stairs to the basement, half-concerned that Dilara had fallen asleep under the sheets but half-relieved that Iveta wouldn’t see her not-actually-dead patient trying not to blink.

Iveta tread more carefully. She walked into the morgue and it suddenly became freezing. Well, it was obviously a morgue, but… that wouldn’t do. She quickly walked over to the thermostat and turned it back up again. Much better. She disconnected the EKG - no need for it now, anyways - and went into the next room to get some supplies. 

Everything appeared fine until she hears something crash. 

Initially Dihaj smiled as she watched from outside the morgue. With Iveta in the other room, Dilara raised a thumbs up, confirming that the initial stage of the rig worked, freeing up the next step. They watched as the weights swing down the line to click open the lighter, and the second line to–wait a second.

Starting the moment the line hit the flame, there was a 30-second window to prevent the bucket from falling. 

Dihaj ran towards the bed, pushing Dilara out of the way making sure her patient was safe from all the damage and then running back to scan for anything else. Oh wait…

The line had broken. 

She might have been wearing slip-proof shoes, but they wouldn’t have been any use against the dull thud as the bucket hit her head.

“What is going on-” 

Iveta ran back into the room to see a perfectly alive Dilara and a knocked-out Dihaj laying in a slowly-growing puddle of surgical lube. She really should have known… it was just too convenient. She took a step forward but tripped on the pottery shards and cut her arm open. Iveta glared at Dihaj, at Dilara, at the mess, all the while cursing Samra under her breath. 

In the end, Dilara’s the one who called the hospital - rather pointless, as the two doctors were the ones incapacitated. 

“And this,” commented Judge Ela dryly as she pressed stop on Dihaj’s recording of the morgue prank, “is why we’re not taking any more cases regarding the lab property dispute. I’m not even going to do anything else; I’m pretty sure this should be enough for you two.”

Iveta and Dihaj glared at each other from their hospital beds. At Ela’s request, Sandhja had put the two doctors (for now, patients) in the same room for treatment and called in Gianluca for the day.

When they returned to their offices the day after,  they both noticed the note from the court sitting on their desks:

To: Iveta Mukuchyan, Diana Hajiyeva From: District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town CC: Samra Rahimli Subject: Laboratory Property Dispute

As previously noted the District Court of the Eurovision Part of Town (EPOT) will no longer settle future disputes relating possession of the laboratory bunker. Due to recent events related to the dispute in Municipal Hospital, this is a reminder that the ongoing dispute has gone too far. It is also noted that due to said events the morgue still needs cleaning up. Gloves and slip-proof shoes are highly recommended.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/the-irish-charm-behind-a-huge-lgbt-club-in-brooklyn/

The Irish charm behind a huge LGBT club in Brooklyn

Brenda Breathnach, an owner of 3 Dollar Bill, at the club in New York, Nov. 18, 2018. The massive space in East Williamsburg bills itself as the largest LGBT-owned and -operated nightclub in New York City. (Source: Rebecca Smeyne/The New York Times)

It was 2 a.m. at a onetime brewery in Brooklyn, and Shangela, a multiseason star from “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” swirled and strutted in a glittery red gown, lip-syncing to “Toy,” the bubbly Eurovision winner by Netta.

As she executed a flawless death drop, a deafening roar rose from the crowd of 400, a mix of gender-nonconforming Brooklyn club kids and muscular men in tank tops, leather harnesses and tight jeans, who recorded her every move with their phones.

Similar scenes unfold every weekend at 3 Dollar Bill, a massive space in East Williamsburg that bills itself as the largest LGBT-owned and -operated nightclub in New York City. It opened last year and first made a splash with a popular party called Sutherland, and has since expanded to include events hosted by night life veterans like Susanne Bartsch, comedy nights and even a flea market.

It may surprise clubgoers to learn that the person behind all this debauchery is a petite middle-aged former bartender from Ireland, who can often be found wielding a broom or a paintbrush at the club.

To her, 3 Dollar Bill is more than just another gay bar.

“I don’t have kids, so I want this place to be my legacy,” said Brenda Breathnach, 54, on a recent Saturday night in her spotless basement office at the club. “I can see it being a fabulous queer place.”

Her unlikely journey from Irish immigrant to night life impresario began in 1994, when she left Dingle, a small port town in Ireland, to work with her brother at a pub in the Bronx called An Beal Bocht Café. She stayed there for a decade but yearned for a place of her own. In 2004, she took over an Irish sports bar nearby and renamed it Dr. Gilbert’s, after an Irish song. It was not a great fit.

“I was gay and I was sober, and I just wasn’t liked,” Breathnach said.

“I took over, but they never took to me.”

One day in 2011, while scanning Craigslist, she saw a for-sale posting for a Manhattan bar. It was for the Phoenix, a divey gay bar on East 13th Street in the East Village. “The Phoenix was dead,” she said. “I went in there on a Friday evening, and there were two customers.”

She bought the bar, and after giving it a pub-style makeover and a fresh coat of paint, brought it back to life. And, unlike in the Bronx, her new customers embraced her.

Everyone, she said — “the old people and the young people” — was grateful.

They “were always telling me they were very thankful to have that space,” Breathnach said.

The experience left her wanting more, so she began to search for a bigger place. Working with two business partners from An Beal Bocht Café, she came across the former Otto Huber Brewery on Meserole Street, about a block away from the Montrose L subway station. Dating from the 1860s, the complex of enormous red brick buildings had brewed a variety of lagers until it shuttered in the 1950s.

Though her partners thought the space was too big and needed a daunting amount of work to get it up to code, her enthusiasm won them over and they signed a 25-year lease. After a two-year gut renovation, a new sound system and lighting, the club opened last June. The 10,000-square-foot space features a raw concert hall with 50-foot ceilings, disco lights and a triangular stage.

The first party, Sutherland, took off immediately and generated a lot of buzz, both positive and negative, for its strict policies of no phones and no photos. (Patrons had to check their phones or seal them in special pouches.) “It’s a great, magical digital detox,” Tad Haes, one of the founders, said in an article in Out magazine.

With seven nights a week to fill, Breathnach began looking to diversify her lineup in the fall. Around that time, Frankie Sharp, 38, a promoter who hosted the popular Westgay party in the West Village, visited the club and was impressed. “It reminded me of an illegal warehouse space that was legal,” Sharp said. “It could be for theater, a cabaret, immersive theater, a live band, a place you record podcasts.”

The two hit it off.

“It was really amazing how we just bonded,” Breathnach said. “He wasn’t drinking, either, and that meant something to me. He knows parties and he knows a lot of the big-name drag queens, rappers and a lot of people I don’t know.”

In December, Sharp rebooted Westgay there. He also brought in Bartsch, the long reigning queen of downtown night life, and Ty Sunderland, a younger promoter known for his Heaven on Earth party at China Chalet.

“It’s amazing I’m doing parties in Brooklyn,” said Bartsch, who hosts a monthly party at 3 Dollar Bill called Play Now. “I never thought I would, but here I am.”

She, too, was charmed by Breathnach’s down-to-earth, motherly manner. “She’s not some bottle service, cocaine-snorting owner,” Bartsch said.

In addition to hosting the big parties, Breathnach wants 3 Dollar Bill to serve as an LGBT community space, with workshops for dance, music and art. She considers it all payback for those grateful patrons at Phoenix.

“I could be in 20 Irish bars and nobody’s going to say, ‘Thank you for having this bar for me,’” she said. “There’s no way I would open another straight bar.”

[oh-really-alicia]

Thank you so much for the tag <3 (And sorry for being so late but Tumblr just ate my response TWICE)

Name/Nickname: Hannah. I don’t really have a proper nickname haha, everyone just calls me something different. Bitch is a very common term, though.

Gender: Female

Astrological sign: Some sources say I’m a virgo, some say I’m a libra but I’ve lived my whole life thinking I’m a virgo, so that’s what I am now.

Birthday: September 23rd

Height: 192cm or 6′3, I think?

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hogwarts house: A mix of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, I’d assume.

Blanket count: If it means what I think it means, I only zzz with one blanket, but I have this embarrassing The Walking Dead blanket that provides some extra cosiness sometimes.

Nationality/country: German

Occupation: Apprentice in a library

Hobbies: I like to write and occasionally draw but I’m not really good at either of those things. The only thing I’m really good at is writing completely delusional and wild interpretations of songs and annoying everyone with those.

Other blogs: I have another one, literally made it about a week ago, but I only reblog art (mostly romanticism kind of stuff) on there, so it isn’t really exciting.

Fav book: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Luca di Fulvio is a GOD. I love all of his books but if I had to choose, I’d go with Il bambino che trovò il sole di notte, I have no idea if this book exists in English, but ugh, I love it so much. That was the first book with 500+ pages I finished in less than two days. The way this man describes, sees things is so fascinating.

Fav movie: Independence Day (I love Jeff Goldblum ok), Us (2019), Deathgasm and Kill Bill 2 are the ones that come to mind right now.

Favourite colour: Since Black iSn’T a CoLoUr I’ll go with Bordeaux.

Fav season: Winter

Fav food: Curry, preferably Indian curry. Preferably Indian curry with peas or mushrooms and tofu.

Fav animal: Dogs own my heart and so do rats and mice.

Last movie I watched: Tucker & Dale vs Evil, absolute MASTERPIECE! Add that to the list of favourite movies.

Last song I listened to: X by Hatari, the live version from Eurosonic, though.

Last book I read: Klassenbuch by John von Düffel.

Last fun thing I did: Baking cookies while listening to the Eurovision 2019 playlist and dancing so hard I ended up having cookie dough behind my ear. Don’t ask, I also don’t know how that happened.

Inspiration or muse: Not to be lame, but Hatari is one of the main ones right now. Other than that, just real life, small details in real life. I have a note in my phone for random people I see on the streets who kind of catch my attention. Whether they have a great sense of style, a cute smile, a contagious laugh or whatever. Could always turn that into a side character in a story.

Meaning of URL: Am a sinful seal.

Dream destination: Pretty much Europe as a whole tbh. I’ve been living here all my life and I want to see more. Especially the northern and eastern countries, though.

Dream job: Kinda living it already. But honestly, I’m not really a career type of person. I’m happy with a job I enjoy and that keeps me alive, I’m not really “chasing my dreams” or anything. I’d rather spend all that energy on other things.

I’m tagging everyone who wants to do this ^^

Thanks, @disqualified-as-human for tagging me 🖤🖤. (Sorry I didn't reblog, it was too long).

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 people, either mutuals or followers you would like to get to know better.

Name/Nickname: Victoria/Vicky

Gender: Female

Astrological sign: Scorpio

Birthday: October 30th

Height: Idk I forgot, but I said that before

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Blanket count: ??? What does that mean xd

Nationality/country: Spanish

Occupation: Art student

Hobbies: Drawing, reading, watching movies, DIYs and projects, writing sometimes.

Other blogs: none

Fav book: It

Fav movie: Mulan, Brother Bear, + more Disney, the LOTR and The Hoobit triologies, It 2017 and It 2019 (I am incapable of picking only one).

Favourite colour: Purple

Fav season: Autumn

Fav food: Pancakes

Fav animal: Bats and cuttlefish (what? They're cute)

Last movie I watched: A Clockwork Orange

Last song I listened to: Once upon a Dream, Lana Del Rey's version

Last book I read: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Last fun thing I did: Laugh my ass off with a friend because of reasons. Because yes.

Inspiration or muse: Classical artists, specially my beloved Michelangelo Buonarroti.

Meaning of URL: Yotsu comes from Yotsume, the nickname of Hinami, a character from Tokyo Ghoul.

Dream destination: I'd love to visit again some places I've already been to, like London, Brussels and specially Florence. But I'd also want to visit El Cairo.

Dream job: Illustrator

Now I have to tag 20 people?? I don't know that many users!

@syndaselur @mezzoaria @hatari-clown-squad @takingdowncapitalism @bone-pain @charlie-rulerofhell @babybathoee @klemens-is-dummy-thicc @hoh-tari

Sorry if they already tagged y'all c:

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#210-201)

#210: Joy Fleming -- Ein Lied Kann Eine Brücke Sein (Germany 1975)

“Hör auf zu spielen und lerne zu fühlen, Wie viele Menschen Freunde sind, Lerne zu singen, vertraue so wie ein Kind,”

“Stop playing and learn how to feel, How many people are friends Learn how to sing, trust just like a child”

For an older and low-placed entry, this German entry has become a fan favorite! Despite this, I wonder if I really like this enough to make my top three of 1975, because I don't go back to listen to it often.

But when I do, it just takes the conductor's stomping to get me into the mood. It's just a great way to start a song~

While the chorus somehow bugs me a little bit, because of how jarring it is (Joy shouts it all out, in comparison to the verses where she has a somewhat lower register), how it builds really helps with getting the party started. The orchestration also helps with the joie de vivre of the song, and Joy manages to live up to her name on stage.

Personal ranking: =3rd/19 Actual ranking: 17th(?!)/19 in Stockholm

#209: Muriel Day -- The Wages of Love (Ireland 1969)

“There will be bridges to be crossed And there'll be teardrops to be lost...”

Ireland’s first upbeat song is a diversion from their first four entries in more ways than one. Not only it’s performed by a woman for the first time, but it also warns about the pains of love—while it’s a great experience, you have to pay a lot in the process. (This actually reminds me of one vintage Eurovision blogger talking about how Horoscopes incorporates a more liberal sound with Ireland's conservatism at the time--maybe it was from the same lines?)

And Muriel has an absolute ball on stage with her uber-high lime green dress. She twirls her microphone around when arriving, bounces up and down like she just got a can of Red Bull, and dances as if it was for the last time. The orchestration really helps out on giving out this vivacious vibe (though the lyric "it can make you live/it can make you die" in context is quite horrifying behind the upbeat track).

Basically, this was an upbeat track which I would've switched out for one of the upbeat winners.

Personal ranking: 3rd/16 (though here, it's 4th/16. A mismatch in rankings, which you can see again in the future) Actual ranking: 7th/16 in Madrid

#208: Alenka Gotar -- Cvet z Juga (Slovenia 2007)

"Moj beli cvet, moj daljni svet Daj, vrni se, moj bodi spet”

“My white flower, my faraway world Come, return, be mine again”

I've never been a big fan of opera--not just in Eurovision, but also in general. I recognize they have beautiful voices and worked on them for the performance, but I never really like the instrumental or the actual song.

Cvet z juga, however, managed to incorporate opera in a way which is actually enjoyable. Not only because of Alenka’s powerful vocals, but also the nostalgia created with the poetic lyrics and the instrumental. It’s a combination of classical and modern--it's not a dance-floor bop (despite the percussion in the background), but it's definitely out of the ordinary.

Combined with a subtle but effective gimmick (Alenka's light-up hand at the end), and you have Slovenia's first qualifier in the semi-final. Definitely deserved.

Unfortunately, Alenka's gone off a bad path since then...)

Personal ranking: 6th/42 Actual ranking: 15th/24 GF in Helsinki

#207: Giorgios Alkaios and Friends -- Opa! (Greece 2010)

"Έκαψα το χθες, νύχτες μου παλιές Κι από το μηδέν αρχίζω όσο κι αν δε θες Δάκρυα καυτά ψέμματα πολλά Πλήρωσα όσο χρωστούσα και τα δανεικά"

"I burnt the past, my old nights And I start from scratch even if you don’t want me to Hot tears, too many lies I paid what I owed and borrowed"

"Motherf---ing testosterone!"

The Scandinavia and the World recap for the 2010 contest basically sums up Opa! as this, with all the tribal cries and torn up shirts. I've also heard it described as the "Love Love Peace Peace" of Greek entries, with the prevalent cry "Opa!", strong ethnic influences, and Cretean lyre to boot.

But beyond that, there's a deeper meaning behind the lyrics. By late 2009-early 2010, Greece was facing the burden's of the Great Recession, which would envelop the country in many years. Their GDP would drop by 26% between 2008 and 2014, and unemployment rose up to 25% at the same time. This economic maelstrom led to public uprisings and an exodus of the highly educated.

Opa is a cry for joy--not just to party, but also to fight against a wave of despair considering the circumstances. It strives to give life and inspiration by those who need it, even if it means starting over. And while economics will trump national pride in the end, one asserts themselves as stronger than they think. And that's what makes it an important part of the Greek Golden Age at Eurovision.

Personal ranking: 6th/39 Actual ranking: 8th/25 (GF) in Oslo

#206: Boris Novkovic feat. Lado -- Vukovi Umiru Sami (Croatia 2005)

"Do zore je ostao još koji sat A vani nemir, k’o da je rat Oblačim kaput i odlazim Da sve zaboravim"

"Only a few hours left till dawn And outside unrest, as if a war is on I put my coat on and leave To forget everything"

Balkan ballads are one of the main joys out of Eurovision; obviously from that region, they feature folk instrumentation and sad lyrics about love. Vukovi umiru sami fits into this mold well, but I only managed to put this in tenth place because of the variety of songs on offer, ranging from glam rock to a wholesome peace ballad.

Over time, however, it has grown on me.

The poetic lyrics stood out the most for me--they tell of an end of a relationship on the Danube (which really grounds the song in its origins, despite the fact I associate it with Central European countries as a whole) and the loneliness of the man in it. There's a mournful nature about it, especially with the choir in the background.

And the way it build is so fantastic, amplifying the story and the stakes. The "Dunavoms" between the last two choruses are well-done and elevate this song to greatness.

I planned to rewatch 2005 to see how my rankings change, and thought it would get to be in my top five. Because of a typo on my list, I needed another song to fit the overall order of the list.

And finally, Vukovi umiru sami is in my top five. :)

Personal ranking: 5th/39 Actual ranking: 11th/24 GF in Kyiv

#205: Marlayne -- One Good Reason (the Netherlands 1999)

“Give me one good reason and I will give you two Say: "I love you forever", say you will, say you do...”

The guitar intro made me think this would be a song I would listen to outside of Eurovision. It reminded me of Michelle Branch’s songs in the early 2000s (of which, Breathe is my current all-time favorite song); her debut album, The Spirit Room, would only be released in 2001!

Alternatively, it has a very country-pop vibe, but it still has a sense of optimism which continues through the entire song. I love how sunny and earnest it is, and it got a really solid result out of it! Unfortunately, it would be the Netherlands' best placing until 2013, but at least it was a jolt of quality in a mediocre year.

Personal ranking: 4th/23 Actual ranking: 8th/23 in Jerusalem

#204: Niamh Kavanaugh -- In Your Eyes (Ireland 1993)

“Love's been building bridges between your heart and mine I'm safe here on my island, but I'm out on the edge this time”

One of the most nail-biting votes in Eurovision came in this particular contest: because Malta's phone connection malfunctioned, they had to wait until the end to give their points. At that point, Ireland was 11 points ahead, which means if Malta gave the runner-up their twelve, the latter would win by one point.

The Maltese jury ended up giving Ireland their twelve, which would give Ireland their second consecutive win in the 1990s, along with a point record which would only last a year.

I’ve never felt the vulnerability of falling in love, but I love the narrative arc in the lyrics, which crescendos with the chorus. Niamh’s voice is a bit harsh at times, but delivers on it with a stately grace in a choice suit.

What also seals In Your Eyes for me was the graceful orchestration thanks to Noel Kelehan. It's especially prevalent in the chorus--the studio cut doesn't do it justice...

Personal ranking: =6th/25 Actual ranking: 1st/25 in Millstreet

#203: Sonia -- Better the Devil You Know (United Kingdom 1993)

“I'll give you my heart and my soul if you give me your love..”

...not unlike with the song Ireland was competing with for the win! While the studio cut is decent enough, Better the Devil You Know wouldn't have gotten so close to victory without the live music aspect of it.

It’s not only the orchestration here, but also Sonia’s fun performance and her cute moves. The track is reminiscent of SAW, but it feels like being at a sock hop in a diner and dancing the night away. The backing vocalists do a good job too; I like how they harmonize the in the chorus .

That all being said, would've this made a better winner? It's hard to tell--it would've been more upbeat than most of the 1990s other winners, but In Your Eyes has aged quite well. And I have several other favorites, so I'm not the best one to comment on it.

Personal ranking: =6th/25 Actual ranking: 2nd/25 in Millstreet

#202: Serebro -- Song #1 (Russia 2007)

“Gotta tease you, nasty guy So take it, don't be shy Put your cherry on my cake And taste my cherry pie”

Unfortunately, song #1 neither placed on top of the 2007 class, nor was it the first song performed that year So, in more than one case, Song #1 is a misnomer.

Nor are they particularly unique amongst bands--Serebro has some similarities to tATu in 2003, in that they are a girl group with a sensual aesthetic. But while tATu's Eurovision entry is more dark, Serebro's has more attitude and edge.

Such saucy lyrics are what makes Song #1 such a total jam, albeit one the fandom overlooks. The dark production increases the attitude of this song, and I love the girls’ stage presence too! Especially those costumes (again, going back to the tATu comparisons, in that they were best known for their school uniforms, hehe); they never fail in adding some sexiness to the performance.

Personal ranking: 5th/42 Actual ranking: 3rd/24 GF in Helsinki

#201: Severina -- Moja stikla (Croatia 2006)

“Zvrc, zvrc, tražit ćeš moj broj, Kuc, kuc, kucaj nekoj drugoj, Jer još trava nije nikla, Tamo gdje je stala moja štikla!”

"Ring, ring, you'll search for my number, Knock, knock, go knocking somewhere else, For the grass has not yet sprouted, Where my high heel has stepped!”

There’s a lot of silly lyrics in Moja Stikla. From mentioning “sex” to “Afrika Paprika”, it’s easy to suggest that this is nonsensical. I’m reading over the lyrics again myself, and they tell quite a different story—of a woman who just wants men to stop hitting on her.

Even now, I'm still confused on how Zumba and African paprika make sense in avoiding men. Or high heels.

But it all doesn't matter when the music starts. Severina's backing vocalists add to the performances, with their solid harmonies and fun presence. Combined with Severina’s own high energy, it’s a good example of turbo folk (even though there was a bit of controversy about whether it actually sounds like Croatian music), and it’s all kinds of fun!

Personal ranking: 4th/37 Actual ranking: =12th/24 GF in Athens

[thejustinmarshall]

The 80s Cruise Omnibus: Katrina and Thomas Dolby

This is a part of our full coverage of the 2018 80s Cruise. Read more about the floating music festival here. 

The 80s Cruise excels by not only booking big names for the main stage but by finding the right bands to play in the smaller venues. The bands picked for the 400-seat rooms often walk onto the ship being considered “one-hit wonders”, but quickly become Cruise favorites. Modern English, Wang Chung, and Information Society were all booked as “smaller” acts on their sailings and all three now top “favorites” lists for past sailings.

Katrina Leskanich on the 80s Cruise. Photo by LJ Moskowitz

Katrina Leskanich, former lead singer of Katrina and the Waves, fell into the “one hit wonder” category when the Celebrity Summit left Ft. Lauderdale in 2018, but like those who came before her, when the ship returned a week later, she was one of the performers everyone was talking about. Leskanich is best known for the cheerful anthem “Walking on Sunshine”, but the singer struggled with the band when they first formed in 1979. It took four years before they were signed to a small Canadian label to release their debut album, Walking on Sunshine. The record had modest success, but around the time the band released their second album, they finally broke into the U.S. thanks to The Bangles.

The California natives covered the Katrina and the Waves song “Going Down to Liverpool” for their first album. The exposure they received when the cover version was released as a single was enough to get them a recording contract with Capitol Records. They reworked songs from their two Canadian albums and released the hugely successful, Katrina and the Waves in 1984. The new version of “Walking on Sunshine” made it to the top 10 in the U.S. and proved to be incredibly popular all over Europe. But just as their luck had flipped one way, it quickly flipped in the opposite direction.

Leskanich told audiences on the Cruise that their second single, “Red Wine and Whiskey,” was caught up in the record labeling scandal of the 1980s. The track was put on a list of songs deemed dangerous to teens, despite sounding more like a cautionary tale than a party anthem. It was suddenly too toxic for public consumption and the loss of momentum caused by the controversy all but sealed the fate of the band. Several singles followed, but lagging sales saw them dropped by Capitol. The band retreated back to England at the end of the decade where they released a few modest-selling albums until lady luck struck again in 1997.

Thomas Dolby on The 80s Cruise by LJ Moskowitz

The band won Europe’s Eurovision contest that year with the song, “Love Shine a Light.” It went on to become a top 10 hit in six countries, but despite renewed success, Leskanich quit the band a year later. Since then, she has released several solo albums in Europe, worked as a DJ at BBC Radio 2, starred in a musical, and wrote a guidebook to London featuring her dog, Peggy Lee.

Leskanich was quick to open up during a meet and greet she shared with Berlin’s Terri Nunn and Jessie’s Girl vocalist, Jenna O’Gara. Funny and forthcoming, the singer spoke to audiences about growing up as a military brat and her experiences – good and bad – with Katrina and the Waves. She proved to be charming and animated when performing, expounding on her life and songs.

The audience heard about her connection to the cover songs she added to the set, including “Echo Beach” by Martha and the Muffins and Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell.” A melody of hits by her female contemporaries, including “Sweet Dreams (are Made of These)” and “Kids in America,” went down particularly well with the crowd, but it was when she was singing her own songs that she truly shined. The songs themselves were catchy and her enthusiastic, sometimes wistful, performances of them made them something special.

Another surprise on the 2018 Cruise was synthesizer virtuoso, Thomas Dolby. He was never your run of the mill rock star, in fact, that moniker never fit the music visionary that built a career not out of album sales and tour numbers, but by fusing together sound and technology. Often mistaken as a one-hit wonder thanks to the success of his 1982 song, “She Blinded Me With Science,” Dolby has had a long idiosyncratic career that found him revolutionizing two industries.

Katrina Leskanich on the 80s Cruise. Photo by LJ Moskowitz

Dolby got his start as a teen in the late 70s working sound mixing jobs in London’s punk and new wave clubs. That scored him a spot as the keyboardist in The Camera Club, a band virtually unknown outside of the deep, dark reaches of obscure music trivia where it’s known that they recorded the original version of “Video Killed the Radio Star”. He went on to work and write for a myriad of musicians, all while stretching the bounds of electronic instruments.

The session work he did on Foreigner 4 paved the way for him to find success as a solo artist. His innovative technique for creating the keyboard sequence for “Waiting for a Girl Like You” involved recording a sustained note and manipulating it to create complex harmonies in the days before computers were commonplace. The band wasn’t quite what to make of his work, the bass player saying at the time, “It’s a bit like massage music, isn’t it?” Dolby took the money he earned on the record to fund his first album, The Golden Age of Wireless, which featured “She Blinded Me With Science.”

He went on to have an almost nonlinear career in which he recorded his own, often unconventional, albums while doing somewhat mundane work with for The Thompson Twins, Joni Mitchell, and Def Leppard. In the early 90s, he moved to Silicon Valley and created the software that made polyphonic ringtones possible while also taking time to score video games and movies. After abandoning the tech industry in the early aughts, Dolby put out two albums and directed an award-winning documentary. He became the Homewood Professor of the Arts at Johns Hopkins University in 2014 and now heads the University’s Music for New Media program.

Thomas Dolby on The 80s Cruise by LJ Moskowitz

Mirroring his unconventional career, Dolby has shied away from conventional concert tours. His offerings have most often been multimedia affairs involving music, visuals, and storytelling. The smaller venues available on the ship forced him to stick to a more traditional type of show. Yet even standing behind his synthesizer and computer, just a drummer and guitarist in tow, he brought something fresh and compelling to his performances.

Dolby’s music was always ahead of its time, but he updated the older songs by infusing them with new ways of creating sound. Songs like, “Europa and the Pirate Twins”, “One of Our Submarines”, and “Hyperactive!” felt like they could be on heavy rotation on SiriusXMU. Perhaps that was because the most critically regarded bands in recent years, such as LCD Soundsystem, DBFC, and St. Vincent, form a direct line from Dolby. The gadgets and methods that made him a curiosity in the 1980s have transformed into a legend to younger generations. Not bad for a man who was once accused of making “massage music”.

  LJ Moskowitz is a photographer and writer based out of New Jersey specializing in concert, product and fine art photography. She is a member of the National Press Photographers Association (NPPA) and Professional Photographers of America (PPA). You can find her at Shutterchick Photography, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

All photos appearing on this page are the property of LJ Moskowitz. They are protected by U.S. Copyright Laws and are not to be downloaded or reproduced in any way without the written permission of LJ Moskowitz. Copyright 2018 LJ Moskowitz. All Rights Reserved.

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[rosetta-j-stone]

Operation SSF Needs You!

Hi everyone : )

As you may know, I got in touch with Vienna Zoo last month about the possibility of gifting Jere and Bojan a sponsorship to follow on from the one they received last May, and the zoo agreed to help us set this up : D 

A lot of people have said they would be interested in hearing more about and/or contributing to this so @dreaminofu and I have set up a dedicated sideblog for info and updates! 

If you would like to join the sideblog, then please DM me or @dreaminofu : )

SSF!

Rosetta