#“The math is that it’s 288

[dennisboobs]

i. am alive.

[freshstitches]

I finally published the project for my dice roll scarf that went viral last month. If you love dice games, you'll enjoy knitting this pattern.

The color work in this project is determined by an algorithm, a set of rules that determine the final outcome. There isn't an exact set of instructions for this project. Instead, the knitter uses four 10-sided dice or a random number generator to pick the length of the colorwork in each row. 

The result is a staggered stripe sequence along the edge of the shawl. There are trillions of unique outcomes, so no two projects turn out exactly alike. The pattern uses about 500 yards of yarn in total, but the amount of each color that you'll need is randomly determined. Before publishing, I wanted to find out the minimum and maximum amount of each color required to make the project and the probability of each outcome.

The knowledge needed to calculate the yardage was a bit beyond my skill level, but my friend Mary W. Martin helped me gather this info. I used an online probability calculator to find out the probability of each unique stitch count. The results are slightly different depending on whether you use four 10-sided dice (blue) or pick a random number (yellow), but 99% of all possible results fall within a very small range. 

It was an interesting little tangent, but not hugely important to the actual knitting pattern. I can, however, confidently say there is a >99.9% chance that you'll need a 2nd skein of the main color. If you want to know more about the math, you should check out my project notes on Ravelry. 

The thick and thin striped colorwork is created with a super simple "long stitch" technique. The pattern looks great in fluffy mohair or contrasting colors of basic wool and the instructions include some basic tips for substituting yarns or changing the gauge.

Finished Size: 18 x 68” (46 x 172 cm) rectangular wrap.

Yarn: Approx. 315 yards (288 m) of MC and approx. 264 yards (241 m) of CC. Yardage may vary, see notes on yardage below and yardage chart in photos.

• Main Color (2 skeins) - JMR Studio Worsted Weight Mohair, 245 yards (225 m) per 4 oz; 78% Mohair, 13% Wool, 9% Nylon.

• Contrast Color (1 skein each, both yarns held together) - JMR Studio Fingering Weight Mohair, 320 yards (293 m) per 100g; 63% Silk, 23% Kid Mohair, 11% Nylon, 3% Polyester Held with Lavender Lune Yarn Co. Suri Alpaca, 328 yards (300 m) per 50g; 74% Suri Alpaca, 26% Silk.

Yardage: The amount of each color used for this pattern fluctuates based on the random numbers used to determine the stitch pattern. MC uses approx. 233 to 315 yards (213 to 288m) and CC uses approx. 182 to 264 yards (166 to 241m). 99% of possible results fall within a much smaller range. The Yardage Chart shows the distribution of all potential yardage outcomes.

Needles: Size 8 (5 mm) straight needles, or size needed to obtain gauge. NOTE: Straight needles work best with long stitches. Circular needles with a thin cord allow the long stitches to tighten and stretch, making them harder to manipulate.

Gauge: 12 sts x 14 rows = 4 x 4” (10 x 10 cm) square in pattern.

Other Materials: 10 sided die or random number generator, stitch marker, scale, tapestry needle.

Generating numbers: In my sample, I used four ten-sided dice (D10) to choose a number between 4 and 40 sts. If you don't have dice, you can use an online app like RANDOM.org to generate your numbers. If you follow this link, you'll get a list of 63 integers between 4 and 40. NOTE: Each time you visit the link or refresh the page, the list changes. You can also just choose numbers as you knit.

Pattern is available on my website and on Ravelry.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

what's the timeline regarding when tom opened the chamber of secrets vs when he killed his father? it's around the same time right? do we hav exact sequence in canon? do you. have ideas about it?

Okay, so let's go through the timeline of Tom Riddle's life at Hogwarts:

(I love talking about Tom Riddle, can you tell?)

So, Tommy was born on December 31st, 1926.

This means he'd celebrate his 11th birthday on December 31st, 1937, so he'd start his first year at Hogwarts on September 1st, 1938.

And Tom says this:

I thought someone must realize that Hagrid couldn’t possibly be the Heir of Slytherin. It had taken me five whole years to find out everything I could about the Chamber of Secrets and discover the secret entrance . . .

(CoS, 288)

So, he would be in his 5th year when he first opened the Chamber of Secrets. From the math above, his 5th year started in September 1942 and ended in June 1943.

We know Myrtle died on June 13th, 1943, so right at the end of Tom's 5th year at school (fitting the "five whole years" statement). When Tom shows Harry the memory of Myrtle's death it's on the diary page for June 13th:

The pages of the diary began to blow as though caught in a high wind, stopping halfway through the month of June. Mouth hanging open, Harry saw that the little square for June thirteenth seemed to have turned into a minuscule television screen

(CoS, 225)

Tom then asks Dippet to stay at Hogwarts, which Dipept declines. I also assume June 1943 is when Tom turns the diary into a Horcrux.

Now, we know that the summer Tom is sixteen (he turned sixteen in December 1942), the summer between his 5th and 6th year (July-Agust of 1943), is when he killed his father and stole the Gaunt ring:

Finally, after painstaking research through old books of Wizarding families, he discovered the existence of Slytherin’s surviving line. In the summer of his sixteenth year, he left the orphanage to which he returned annually and set off to find his Gaunt relatives. And now, Harry, if you will stand . . .”

(HBP, 363)

We see that by 6th year (1943-1944), Tom already has the Gaunt ring:

Half a dozen boys were sitting around Slughorn, all on harder or lower seats than his, and all in their mid-teens. Harry recognized Voldemort at once. His was the most handsome face and he looked the most relaxed of all the boys. His right hand lay negligently upon the arm of his chair; with a jolt, Harry saw that he was wearing Marvolo’s goldand-black ring; he had already killed his father.

(HBP, 369)

This means by the time he had his talk with Sughorn he had two Horcruxes: the diary and the ring. In the scene with Slughorn Harry mentions Tom isn't the oldest student and he's referred to by Slughorn as a prefect, not a head boy, so it's not his 7th year.

I have a whole series about Tom Riddle and I talked more about this timeline situation there. But this is an overview of his Hogwarts timeline.

[vexwerewolf]

just spitballing (i am far too sleepy to put real thought behind this right now) but is the best possible Big Fist mech Empakaii with a supermassive D/D288 thrown on? idk if my math works there but 2 blackbeard/1 caliban/3 zheng delivers doesn’t it? save me vex lancerfunny

No, the best possible Big Fist mech is not a D/D 288 Empakaii. At that point it's absurdly overspecialised. There is literally no way you can use both Superheavy weapons in a single turn unless you're using the D/D288 in its uncharged Skirmish mode, in which case it's literally just a strictly worse Nanocarbon Sword.

The Empakaii already has a huge fist that has absurd reach. Putting the D/D 288 on it just robs it of any other tactical option than "get very close and punch," which is sometimes just not viable. You should always be running at least one ranged weapon even on melee-focused mechs. The Assault Rifle's a good choice for this, but at the bare minimum you should have something that can hit targets 8 spaces away.

[dwlili]

I need your help on this one :

We all now that on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com when you enter STAN and you pass all the ebay pages, you have the wheel of shame.

NOW if you open the illustration on a new tab, copy and paste the link in word, it will make 288 pages.

IT HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THERE

It's pretty much the same thing with ROBBIE (the last image is 236 pages)

MATH 522

LIES 464

Credit to @miasako-sasha

[skin-slave]

Yo dawg, I heard you like dollhouses, so I made a dollhouse to put in your dollhouse...

It's 1:288, so if you're the size of my 1:48 figures (the size I usually work in) it's about Barbie size. Penny for scale, but it's about 18mm square. Just shy of 3/4", but I had to work in mm.

(Bragging and more pics under the cut)

Not everything is exactly to scale. I did the math, using real dimensions, but when it's that small and your hands shake like I do, things do not come out exact. Regardless, me and my tremor-y hands are pretty happy with it.

I made one many moons ago, and it was not great. It's cool to see the difference. 😳 Do not be discouraged, buds. You will get better at what you do. And this one took multiple tries, btw. So if your project does too, it's just free practice. 😊

Anyways, it's mostly cardstock and paper, paint, a little colored pencil, a bit of wire, 2 seed beads, aluminum foil for the mirror, ink, nail polish, glue, and many, many curse words. 😂

[hetalia-club]

Got Bored And Made An Entire Hetalia Baseball League (HBL)

the league is meant to have fictitious and near impossible goals for regular humans to achieve. They are all scaled beside each other accounting for superhuman strength.

~Norway's Stats~

Batting Average Regular Season- .288 Projection- .296 Career- .322

Running Speed MPH- 15-17 Hitting Power MPH- 90-95 Regular Season Stolen Bases- 15 Career Stolen Bases- 240

Norway would be a very good player, known for his consistency, calm demeanor, and balanced skill set. His strengths in contact hitting, plate discipline, and run production make him a valuable asset to any team. While his moderate power and speed are limitations, his overall reliability and composed approach more than compensate for these weaknesses. Norway’s calm and composed demeanor, combined with his mellow and expressionless trait, ensures that he remains a steady and dependable player. His reserved yet determined personality makes him a quiet leader on the field, contributing significantly to his team’s success.

Freedom Fighters - link to their team and positions

Other Players: (will update with link as they are added) America Russia Sweden England Ireland Iceland Canada Denmark Turkey France Scotland Greece Germany Japan Nyo!America Prussia China Nyo!England Spain Austria Italy Norway Romano Finland

breakdown below >> (Chat GTP helped with this part because I'm not good at describing things or sports talk)((it also made me the lay out above I made the stats and it put them in MLB format for me & calculated batting average because math :/ ))

Player Analysis: Norway

Personality and Play Style:

Calm and Composed: Norway’s steady and reliable performance at the plate mirrors his calm and composed demeanor. He remains unfazed by pressure and consistently delivers when needed.

Mellow and Expressionless: Norway’s mellow and expressionless trait means he never appears too high or too low emotionally, which helps maintain focus and consistency. His lack of visible reaction can be an asset in high-pressure situations, as he remains cool under stress.

Reserved but Determined: Norway’s reserved personality might make him less vocal in the clubhouse, but his determination and focus are evident on the field. He leads by example through his consistent performance.

Strengths:

Consistency: Norway's batting averages (.288 regular season, .296 projected, .322 career) indicate a high level of consistency at the plate. He is a reliable hitter who can be counted on to get on base frequently.

Gap Power: With a good number of doubles (30 in regular season, 32 projected, 470 career), Norway shows strong gap power, effectively driving the ball to the outfield and into the gaps.

Plate Discipline: His high walk totals (60 in regular season, 65 projected, 950 career) reflect excellent plate discipline, allowing him to get on base and avoid swinging at bad pitches.

Run Production: Norway’s ability to score runs (85 in regular season, 90 projected, 1260 career) and drive in runs (70 in regular season, 75 projected, 1050 career) showcases his effectiveness in contributing to his team’s offense.

Weaknesses:

Moderate Power: While Norway has respectable home run totals (15 in regular season, 18 projected, 220 career), he is not primarily a power hitter. His strength lies more in contact hitting and doubles than in hitting for power.

Speed: His lower number of triples (5 in regular season, 6 projected, 90 career) and estimated stolen base stats (10 in regular season, 12 projected, 160 career) indicate that he is not the fastest player. His speed is moderate, limiting his effectiveness in stealing bases and legging out triples.

Strikeouts: Although his strikeout numbers (90 in regular season, 85 projected, 1300 career) are not excessively high, they could indicate occasional issues with making contact, especially against tougher pitchers.

Explanation of Stats

Regular Season

GP (Games Played): 150 - Norway is a consistent and durable player, rarely missing games.

AB (At Bats): 520 - He gets a good number of at-bats, reflecting his regular place in the lineup.

R (Runs): 85 - His ability to get on base and be driven in by teammates is solid.

H (Hits): 150 - Norway is a reliable hitter, with a good number of hits per season.

2B (Doubles): 30 - He hits a fair number of doubles, showing good gap power.

3B (Triples): 5 - His triples are less frequent, reflecting moderate speed.

HR (Home Runs): 15 - He has decent power, with a respectable number of home runs.

RBI (Runs Batted In): 70 - His ability to drive in runs is strong, contributing significantly to his team's offense.

BB (Walks): 60 - He has a good eye at the plate, drawing a fair number of walks.

SO (Strikeouts): 90 - His strikeouts are relatively low, indicating good contact skills.

[magical-regical]

Game balance? Non existent when you have a demigod on your side.

Aka me quaking about how absolutely busted the foreseer outfit is.

So yea I unlocked Zayne's Foreseer outfit because I was lucky enough to pull one of the cards you need to unlock it and then just got the other one through the selector. I was pretty happy because I read the skill description on the outfit and it seemed pretty cracked.

Fucking read this shit. Not only does his offensive skills scale on atk and defense, his ult scales on combined atk and defense? What are we combining? The two solar cards? The solar and lunar cards? I don't know! Did I mention his starting pair bonus increases the damage of 'eternal sin' by another 20%?

Let's do some math now, shall we? Assuming we're only combining the atk and def of 'Promise Everlasting' and 'Forever Sealed', the two solar cards that you need to unlock this outfit in the first place, at levels 32 and 27, respectively plus some r-rank protocore boosts his ult will do a little over 19 thousand damage without the damage increase you get from matching stellacrum.

The staff it unlocks is also really powerful because it allows you to do things like use your basic attack when you dodge, deal DoT (damage over time), and also max out combo damage at 288 + 154% atk + 609% def. Also for some reason one of its categories is 'heal'? Even though it does not have any healing whatsoever which is really funny because I see it as "you can't get hurt if the enemy disintegrates!"

If you don't understand how powerful that is, this is the team I 3-stared pumpkin magus 6 with.

And I only needed to ult once. It's insane.

The cherry on top? Zayne's the only one who gets such a busted outfit. I don't have Rafayel or Xavier's myth outfit because god bless gacha but after reading through all the skills in the overview menu, it doesn't seem as obviously broken as Zayne's? At least they don't get multipliers over 1000% and the attacks don't scale off two stats. Rafayel does inflict burn and Xavier can buff himself and you so it's not like they're completely high and dry.

[beedreamscape]

May I offer: My personal timeline that'll I be using for my ExU Calamity fanfics.

- Since we get no in-universe date, I'll be considering Avalir's first take-off as year 0.

- Using some personal math, Avalir is 294 years old.

- * means replenishment year.

251 - Laerryn and a young Evandrin meet and become friends in Cathmóira.

253 - Nydas is born in a coastal city north of Toramunda.

257* - Eadalus leaves Nydas at an orphanage in Cathmóira a few months after their mother's death.

257* - Zerxus is born in a village near Cathmoíra. (canon age)

260 - Zerxus is taken to the orphanage Nydas' in after his parent's death.

264* - Laerryn and Evandrin board Avalir.

265 - Nydas abandons the orphanage and joins the pirate way of life with his brother.

266 - Laerryn enters the Academy Arcane. Evandrin starts advanced fighting training.

267 - Cerrit is born in an Eisfuura community on the southwest coast of Domunas.

268 - Loquatius comes to the material plane.

268 - Laerryn and Patia become colleagues in the Academy Arcane, Lae as an abjuration student and Patia as a mentor.

271 - Laerryn finishes her studies and enters a researcher/teacher position.

273* - Loquatius boards Avalir to perfect his bard studies.

274 - Laerryn is titled Hireophant Abjurer.

275 - Nydas finds Sha'korzhan's hoard.

275 - Zerxus is old enough to leave the orphanage and starts working at a Temple of the Lawbearer as a Templar.

276 - Evandrin gets sent to Cathmoíra on fighting and teaching duty.

276 - Nydas decides to move into the safety of Avalir with his newfound wealth.

276 - Loquatius starts working as a writer and reporter at the Zenith News (Herald's Tome predecessor).

277 - Cerrit immigrates to Avalir upon request of his roguish skillset and meets Wrayne.

277 - Laerryn starts working at the Labyrinth.

278 - Zerxus is 'gifted' Tempus by the Raven Queen Lawbearer?

278 - Nydas becomes the youngest Treasure Guildmaster of Avalir.

278 - Zerxus leaves life as a templar and finds a position as a fighter in Cathmoíra.

278 - The Architect Arcane is gifted Dweomer as an assistant from Aeor, but fearing what happened with the Care and Culling years before, he passes her on to Laerryn.

279 - Patia and Nydas form a connection that soon turns into friendship.

279 - Evandrin meets Samir (Elias' mom) and they have a couple of one-night stands.

280* - Elias is born somewhere around Cathmoíra and Samir leaves him at Evandrin's doorstep.

280* - Loquatius and Cerrit meet and start a friendship. Kinda.

280* (Late year) - Evandrin meets Zerxus.

281 - Laerryn is pointed as the Architect's successor when he retires.

282 - Zerxus and Evandrin get married. (Yes, that fast)

282 - Patia introduces Nydas and Laerryn to each other.

282 - Cerrit and Wrayne get married.

282 - Evandrin is appointed as First Knight after his predecessor's death and is sent to Avalir.

282 (Late year) - Zerxus and Nydas rekindle their friendship.

283 - Laerryn and Loquatius meet.

283 (Late year) - The Ring of Brass is finally complete as Loquatius joins the circle and brings Cerrit along.

284 (Early year) - Loquatius quits his job at the Zenith News a few months before it goes into bankruptcy.

284 (Mid-year) - Laerryn and Loquatius hook up for the first time.

285 - Zerxus starts working with the Oracles as Elias is grown enough to start school.

285 - Loquatius officially starts the Herald's Tome with benefactors' investments.

285 (Mid-year) - Laerryn is appointed Architect Arcane after her predecessor's retirement.

287* - Maya is born.

287* - Laerryn and Loquatius get married.

288 - Laerryn starts practical work on the Astral Leywright with help and investment from Nydas and Patia.

289 - Kir is born.

290 - Loquatius hires Aria as his assistant.

291 - Laerryn makes her test with the Leywright and Evandrin gets "sick".

292 (Early year) - Evandrin dies.

292 - Zerxus is appointed First Knight.

292 - Feeling lonely and grief-struck, Elias chooses to leave for Cathmóira.

292 (Mid year) - Laerryn and Loquatius get divorced.

293 - Wrayne leaves for Gwessar.

294* - 42nd landing.

NOTES TO EXPLAIN SOME DECISIONS:

I'm really indecisive how old I'd like Evandrin to be, but I'm leaning towards the older side of years. (That makes the age gap between him and Zerxus a bit big but I'm using the 'mature slower' card not bc it's supported at all by canon but because I can).

I'm killing Evandrin later because of divorseelies intents AND because I imagine they and Zerxus had more time with him than it appears in the game.

Also because I felt the time Zerxus had with Elias was too short and the gap of time in between too extensive for him to see Zerxus as his father, but maybe that's just me.

Considering the age span of Eisfuura between 60 and 80 years old.

Everything with Laerryn and Loquatius happens fast because that's how madly in love they are. These two people, who have so much of their lives planned and "under control", find themselves swept up by a feeling that compels them to throw away any good sense and fall head first.

I also wanted their careers to kick out almost at the same time, to show how they grew in this society together. Does it contradict some statements about the Herald's Tome? Yes, but I want this to be my idealized version of it.

[sylph-o-life]

I've had a lot of... thoughts? about classpects recently so I'm just gonna ramble for a bit. Maybe i'll edit it into a coherent essay, maybe i'll just post.

I think there's a lot more to *all* the possible classpects than a lot of people give them credit for. I mean that for all of them too - the overanalysed and the underrepresented alike.

Doing some simple maths, there's 288 options for a classpect (12 x 12 x 2, I'm not including Muse/Lord here). But... I don't think there's 288 ways to be. What I'm saying is, two prospit sylph of life's are going to wildly different people.

And I'm not talking about irl differences like life experiences and whatnot. I'm talking within the confines of sBurb.

For me, I think there's a few different ways to "encompass" your classpect. Think of all the characters in homestuck who never quite lived up to their potential, or who completely rejected their classpect.

Feferi is a great example. On the meteor, she was acting very passive and resigned to her fate. She had little interest in talking to the new people everyone else was going on about - she just wanted to sit on that horn pile and chat with Sollux. Which is fine, but she's a Witch of Life, and she was acting like a Passive Doom player. She was pushing away her classpect and became her opposite.

Terezi never quite reached her full potential until she was leading John through the retcon, when she was doomed and died. Otherwise, she was a good Seer of Mind - a great one even! But she never quite reached the full potential of her powers and lived.

So, in my mind, theres 4 main ways to be your classpect; - Fully encompasses - Never reaches full potential - Pushes their classpect away - Fully reverses, often to the point of sabotage.

And within that, there's likely different ways to be each of those! I think a lot of people think about classpects in boxes. Which is fine, it's a story mechanic that is effectively character boxes! But I think there's boxes within those boxes, and more in those. It's still far better than the standard 4-trait categories, of course.

And this got a bit long, lol. tl;dr, classpects are like boxes with more boxes inside. (if this was at all confusing i can and will explain further)

[farfromdaylight]

this happened the other day but i'm still thinking about it because it's funny

so in final fantasy 14, you're a sprout when you start out; you have a little 🌱 next to your name if you're a new player. you can turn it off, but it's a good indicator to veterans that you're new and you might need help. an important note is that the sprout is per-character, so even if you're a veteran, any new character you make will have the sprout.

the conditions for no longer having the sprout are to complete all of the shadowbringers patches AND play for 300 hours. you can buy a story skip, which bypasses the first condition, but you're still a sprout until you play for 300 hours.

so i have a character, rune, who did have a story skip and on whom i've finished base 6.0, endwalker. she's still been rocking her sprout for some time now.

out of curiosity, i type in /playtime to see how long she's played and how long she'll still have the sprout.

result: Total Play Time: 12 days, 12 hours, 0 minutes

i do some quick math. 12 x 24 is 288... plus 12 is... 300.

i look back up at the screen.

her sprout is gone because she's played for EXACTLY 300 HOURS.

[whoblewboobear]

This rep’s math was WAY off. He asked for 48 copies of 16 different posters thinking it was 288 copies. My guy I’m in printer hell that’s 768 copies you dipshit

[stevenbasic]

GITJ Post 288: A Date at the Movies, p4 (Boner Alert)

My eyes had shot wide as suddenly I recognized the bitter taste that had laced the sickly sweet green smoothie shot I’d just swallowed. Bessie, meanwhile, blithely continued to clean up our table and the girls had already dissolved into laughter.  “What’s in it??” Josie asked, between a couple girlish snorts, “What’s it gonna do to him??”

“It’s mostly just vitamins for energy, some kale and beet greens,” Bessie, my new medical assistant who apparently still moonlit here at BOOMfood Smoothie Bar, followed up. Then she looked at me, and added with crooked, dimpled smile, “But they say twenty minutes from now you might want to be someplace private.” 

Fuck.

Two of the girls across the table were both suddenly adjusting their tops, Stephanie biting her lower lip and Randi’s eyes flashing with mischief. Josie tossed her hair behind her shoulder and I could feel Shanette on my left draw in a deep breath and inch in toward me, closer with her big, softly chocolate breasts, presented lushly in low-cut top of white spandex. 

“Haha what? What’s happening?” Melissa asked, as I sat back and pushed the rest of the green, murky drink away from me, “What was in it?”

“It was Viagra,” I answered, kicking myself already for drinking the thing and watching Melissa dissolve into giggles along with the rest of her friends. How stupid am I? I marveled, but also wondering how a place like this could get away from serving medication on their menu? Yes, yes, sildenafil had been made non-prescription, placed over-the-counter just about a year ago, and it was widely available. But served in a smoothie at a chain restaurant?! And how could I have not asked to read the description on the take-out menu before downing nearly all of it?!

“And you had a double,” Bessie confirmed, “I’ve never been allowed to sell more than one to a customer before haha!” The girls sitting near us, at the counter along the wall, had turned to us to listen. 

Jesus. My erections, when they came these days, were already enormous and often painful. Yes, I had just orgasmed a couple hours ago but in my priapic state that didn’t count for much. I mean, I was sporting half chub already, just sitting here with these young beauties, with all their perfumes. What was going to happen to me tonight, now that I’d just ingested-

“How many milligrams are in this thing?” I asked Bessie, praying it was maybe a bit less than the low, non-Rx dose one could buy as a little blue pill at Rite-Aid. Like, 10mg or something. Even that could be potent, though. 

“In a ‘double’?” she replied, checking her tablet, apparently looking for the ingredients of ‘Boner Alert’, “I dunno, let me do my math…”

My brow furrowed. 

“Like…180?” she answered. 

“A hundred and eighty!!” I exclaimed, bringing a new round of laughter from the girls surrounding me, who were obviously finding great humor in my dismay. Christ! As a gerontologist, I’d prescribed a lot of sildenafil over the years, but never more than 100mg in a single dose…and even that was a lot. Normal prescription dosage was 25, maybe 50 milligrams. 

“Oh, sweetie, you didn’t finish the whhhole thing,” I heard Melissa offer in condolence, from my right. She giggled. 

“Yeah drink up,” Randi chided, pushing the small plastic cup with the remaining green stuff towards me. 

”I…I think I should probably leave?” I muttered, causing the whole tableful of girls to suddenly coo and close in around me.

“Nooooo….!” Shanette and the rest of them sang, as a new wave of perfume descended over me and I sat further back, resigning myself to what was about to come…

…

Ten minutes later, maybe fifteen, I was laughing. Jesus, what else was in that drink? I felt giddy, energized. No deadly boner yet. The girls around me were popping fried tofu squares from the plate Bessie had dropped off at the table. “On the house, something new on the menu, ” she said, but warned me not to have any. “Infused with energized estrogen,” she explained. Didn’t have to tell me twice! The girls seemed to love them, though.

“Mmmm you can really taste the saw palmetto…” someone commented. 

“So, Dr. J…” Randi asked, from across the table to my right. She was only part way through her second smoothie, and seemed to be resisting the plate of snacks. “You’ve always, like, hired girls, worked with women. Why?”

“Yeah, why?” asked Josie, chewing an “EstroBomb”. She’d removed her little black jacket and her surprisingly big breasts were still a tempting display across the table, as were Stephanie’s and Randi’s. Gosh, when had they all gotten so busty?

“Oh, uhh…I dunno…” I answered, taken a bit aback by the question, taking a sip of the diet coke Melissa had asked Bessie to get for me. 

“We know you’ve had affairs with other girls, over the years, at the office,” Randi continued, “There was the Deanna girl, Rina…now Melissa…”

I glanced over at Melissa, who smiled at me girlishly. No one was saying anything of the tryst Randi and I had had, how she’d seduced me in her car. Or Shanette in my apartment. Marisela in the waiting room. Or Morgan In my office, Lakshmi in the backseat…

“When you hire someone, is that what you’re thinking?” Randi pressed, “If they might eventually want to sleep with you?”

“What?! Haha n-no?” I blurted, my reply not sounding convincing enough, even to me. “I was m-married, remember..?”

The girls pushed on.

“Oh, c’mon…” 

“Be real…”

Melissa watched me intently. 

“Have you been looking for a particular kind of girl, over the years?” Randi asked, “Someone you hoped replied to your, like, job postings?”

“Uhhh…” I stammered, laughing nervously but feeling some weird sort of liquid courage bubbling up inside me. There was more than just phosphodiesterase inhibitors in that drink, for sure. 

“Dr. J what’s your ideal woman?” Randi finally asked, straightforward, staring me down. 

I looked her right in the eyes, meeting her sparkling amber gaze with my own, and actually felt a little crook of a smile curl onto my lips. ”I...I guess I do have a type, an ideal sort of woman that I, um, gravitate towards,” I began, not even considering that I was feeling the effects of the drink, buzzing a bit, loose of tongue. Dizzy, a bit, flushed. Amorous. 

”And just what is this ideal type, Dr. J?” Randi repeated. Girls were now, I saw, hanging on my every word…including all six-and-a-half feet of the bosomy brunette to my right. 

I paused to think. I turned to my right, glancing up at Melissa and smiled. The girls all saw it, I knew, and I felt it myself. It was not my usual reticent smile, not cautious or vague but a frank, unguarded, smile that flashed in my eyes and crinkled my usually bashful dimples. She looked down at me, expectant, and I before I answered Randi’s question I boldly lowered my hand to Melissa’s left thigh.

That second, that moment stretched out, my hand laying on her leg. First it was as if a static shock surged through the both of us, our bodies connecting where my questing hand met the silky soft sheath of skin surrounding her spectacular thigh. Hadn’t she been wearing leggings earlier? I thought for a brief sec; I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but apparently she’d - yikes - soaked through them at the movies, and had luckily had a pair of soft grey shorts in the car. Anyway, as I moved my hand slowly down her leg, the contrast between her soft skin and the solid muscle underneath was amazing. I began tracing the individual muscles of her quads with my hand, and felt Melissa obligingly flexing each one as I reached it, both of us now looking down. My hands looked so small against the backdrop of her huge, bare thigh.

”My ideal type?” I repeated, thoughtfully, as I looked back up into Melissa’s eyes, tawny and green in the light. I paused again to renew my smile. “I think I’m looking at her.”

At that, in perhaps my most foolheartedly bold move to date, I grabbed the small plastic cup of what was left of my boner smoothie and downed the remaining inch, thinking: 

My erection will be a tribute to her. 

“holy shit,” Josie said. 

The table erupted in a thunder of female sighs, moans, laughs and “awwwwws” and suddenly - after I saw golden lightning explode in her eyes - Melissa turned at the torso more fully towards me, wrapped two hands around my face and pulled me in for a kiss that shredded my guts. The world around us disappeared, sound and light vanishing as all at once my whole world was her mouth and lips and tongue and the taste of her and her breath. I groaned - that I could hear - loudly, and I think the girls around us cheered. 

Suddenly, I could feel the stirring in my own groin. Here it comes. Melissa’s mouth was still consuming mine, my tongue beaten back into my throat by the aggressive push of her own, but - jesus. I was used to being oversized in the schlong department, but had never felt this big before down there. Even at not-100%-full-mast the strain was quickly becoming unbearable against my pants. I needed suddenly to readjust and with - still not breaking our kiss - my free left hand I shed my last few trappings of modesty, frantically shifting the angle of my cock against my right thigh through my khakis and boxers. Hell’s bells, I thought to myself, as Melissa’s tongue continued to dominate mine, here it fucking comes. I suddenly felt a little unsteady, sitting there, could almost picture my circulation being redirected away from my brain and major organs and down towards my waist. Yes, my head was starting to swim a bit. As we kissed I was getting harder and harder and harder. I groaned again, this time not in the rapture of the tongue lock I was sharing with this most beautiful of women. I groaned because it had started to hurt. 

Melissa was the one to break our kiss. She looked down at me, into my eyes, and saw all she needed in my plaintive gaze. My erection surged again, from me just looking at her, and my jaw dropped open. 

“Ow,” I said, eyes narrowing. 

“Oh my god you poor thing,” she said, a breathless thrill in her voice, “I’m gonna get you home.”

=================================

[life-series-losers-blog]

not a fan of math?

(its 288)

DL!Martyn: No. Math sucks

[nowshesdoingitallthetime]

If I post every 5 minutes for an hour

I’ll need 12 photos of Matty per hour

so I need 144 photos of Matty per 12 hours

So 288 photos for 24 hours

So that’s roughly 2.016 photos for a full week, not including the add on’s I may do if it becomes needed

Alright I’ve done the math, let’s get to it!