#“Haha new mask same task!” Except not

[weepingwillow2000]

I’m just saying y’all wouldn’t be so chill about this if it was a black character.

[madbalalaika]

Part 2. Detailing

So, the details, the texture, and the grime, the thing you were probably actually talking about haha.

So far, this is what I'm working with:

At this point, I see what else I need to work on, like the golden edging of his jacket, and the folds of the jacket itself, before I can take my pencil brush and start adding details, as well as refine some other parts where I feel like something is missing.

And just as a side note, I don't actually work linearly like this, I jump around from one task to another because I get bored very quickly, but, for the sake of this tutorial, let's assume I don't do that hahaha

Another tip: When it comes to details in a style like this, illusion and visual trickery is your best friend. A lot of the time, painters only imply details using colour, and texture from brush strokes, like the earring in the famous "Girl with a pearl earring", or this whole classical painting called "Golden Autumn" by Isaac Levitan:

I pull bits and pieces that I enjoy from different styles end eras, old or new, and apply them to my art.

I also really like to add dark contours everywhere where I don't need them, and out of this, comes another thing that stuck with me since my college days. Just as an extra little tip, our descriptive geometry professor taught us that, instead of the lines being the same thickness throughout the whole length, accentuating the necessary corners and intersections will make our building drawings pop and be more pleasing to look at. And this is, obviously, a very rough and quick example, but hopefully, it's clear what I mean.

So that's what I'm gonna do here and a lot of other places where there are very thin shadows like this:

More hatches everywhere cause it makes my brain go brrr:

And the next thing is where some magic happens:

There are patterns on the golden parts of his uniform that are very tedious to draw. Of course, I could figure them out and draw every single little piece by hand, but that would take a lot of time and probably wouldn't even look that great, so I'm not about to do that, I'll just be implying that there are patterns using this dry brush that I got from here:

And using these two colours:

Here's one of the exceptions that I talked about at the very beginning: I usually don't use overlay, soft light, multiply, etc., but this time I realised that his face and hair are very dark compared to the whole painting, and get very lost if looked at from afar, so I need to lighten them. Using a curves adjustment layer I make it look about right, and then mask out the areas I don't need lightened until it looks like this:

It's not too much lighter, but it makes a world of difference for the composition, because no amount of human instincts automatically looking for faces in everything will direct the viewer's eye to the face if it's lost between everything else.

The last thing left to do is to add buttons, and since they are the same colour as the rest of the gold here, I just sample my previous brush strokes with an eyedropper, mainly these 3 colours:

And, with some more tweaks, the painting is finished!

I hope this was helpful! 💗

ko-fi | commissions | the art separately

Your pirates of the Caribbean fanart is so beautiful! Please, please share tips for how to do that beautiful painting technique you used! <3

Hi, anon! Thank you so much, both for the compliment, and for the question💗✨

Edit: I've reached the 30 pics per post limit and will have to make a part 2, oopsie daisies. But I'm sure it won't be as long as this :"D

In terms of technique, I guess it depends which part exactly you're talking about, because most of it is just oil painting+pencil drawing made digital, where I sort of block my colours first, then blend as I see fit (or in some parts don't blend at all, which is what some classical painters do; it's really just habits and preferences from years of experience) and add details using a pencil brush.

If you're interested, stay tuned as I try and give some tips while showing my whole process using this lovely photo of Commodore as an example:

Part 1. The basics

I usually only use these 2 brushes, just because I like them a lot, rarely more than that; and I've changed the settings on the second one so it rotates in the direction of a stroke instead of being at a fixed angle.

SO, firstly I just make a sketch of course, then make a very rough base colour layer underneath it, not too dark, not too light, and fill in the background with a solid colour.

(don't be fooled, I don't actually name my layers cause I'm way too lazy for that)

Since we're talking about digital painting here, my biggest tip would be to make a habit of picking the right colours manually, like you would an for an actual oil painting, instead of using the eyedropper tool on the source. Colour matching is an insanely useful skill, it's like relative pitch in music, or an accurate eye in architecture; while it's not absolutely necessary to have it, you'll want it if you want less burden on your brain and more freedom of expression. "Learn the rules to learn to break them" kind of thing (and you'll be able to match the colours to the picture in your head as well, how cool is that? Hehe) I've done this so much that at this point I just do it for the hell of it. It's very fun :D And, as you might've guessed, I do it for the entirety of the process, with some rare exceptions. While I used to do so in the past, I don't like to use blending modes (eg. soft light, overlay, multiply, etc.) for shading anymore. I find it takes all the excitement out of the whole process for the sake of cheap dopamine, and it used to hinder my skill development because I wasn't learning to "speak the language" of art, I just "used google translate", so to speak.

Anyways... A sketch, then a rough midtone colour layer underneath + background:

Another great tip: I learned it from a video on good costume design in fantasy, which is so unrelated to painting that you're probably like "wha- what..?", BUT... the tip was "the costumes don't have to be historically accurate, they just have to make sense in the story". Your colours don't have to match your reference perfectly, they just have to make sense inside the painting, and that's what will make your art feel alive (along with other things ofc).

Next I create another layer on top of all that and get to actually paint, and this is where the blocking part comes in.

There is a really good video on this subject if you want to learn this kind of technique, and an Instagram page of a different artist that I've been immensely admiring for some time now. Although now that I think about it, neither of them use midtones as a base... Anyway,

I start with the darkest shadows, moving on towards lighter ones, noting some places where the they reflect more blueish/grayish tones of his uniform on his neck and jawline, and where they reflect the reddish environment on his nose, temple, cheek, ear, and neck.

Another great artist to help improve lighting skills.

I frequently make new layers on top of everything as I go, just so that I have some room for error and can delete them later if I'm not satisfied, and then merge them down if I am, because I hate being indecisive with too many changes, and having unnecessary clutter.

Sometimes if I don't like how a certain colour looks on the painting, I undo the stroke (or paint on top, if it's too late to undo) and just tweak it on the wheel until it looks right to my eye and move on. Eg. on the next screenshot, I didn't like how that blue from the sketch looked one the screenshot before, so I adjusted it a little with Hue/Saturation.

I also like to slightly exaggerate the palette so that it looks a bit more interesting:

The last thing I usually do is light, with tiny highlights being the absolute last, because both are very easy to overdo. I manually pick the colour from the colour wheel, make a few strokes where it's supposed to be the brightest, and then use eyedropper tool to sample different spots from the freshly-painted areas to make it easier to blend.

Now while that colour might look pretty light, it isn't light at all. To be fair, the difference between light and shadow isn't even that big sometimes. I used to overshoot with either of them in the past, picking either too light or too dark, and was frustrated and baffled why my painting was looking as shit as it was.

So I guess another tip: for lights, pick the colour much closer to your midtone than you think you need, and then adjust accordingly. The reason being: your eyes and brain are partners in crime and are constantly lying to you.

The (I guess second) base is done, and at this point, it's just a matter of staring at his face for 2, or however long, hours and adding more and more strokes, sampling different spots between them, until I like how it looks.

Sometimes, if I realize that either the proportions are a bit off or some lines don't look the way they're supposed to, I use some Photoshop tools to my advantage. I merge everything together (cause at this point I really don't plan on changing the sketch itself or the background), and use Liquify to move things around. So now it's a one-layer painting, just like the real deal lol

And then I continue doing the same thing I'd done before with all the other parts.

Liquify on his face:

I only lightly paint over most sketch lines because I'm really not that concerned about some of them peeking out, especially at this stage, nor am I very pedantic.

Don't forget about subsurface scattering in areas where light meets shadow, of course:

If I see a place like this where I need a smooth gradient but don't feel like actually doing it cause it'll ruin the ~vibe~, and really, I just wanna add more a bit more pizzazz, I just take the pencil brush and hatch over it instead, alternating the darker and the lighter tones.

The caravat:

A lot of the time professional artists will advise you to look for simple shapes in things - squares, circles, triangles, rhombuses, etc. I'm no exception. Simple shapes will let you see patterns and some sort of order. It's easier to understand complex shapes that way, whether it be fabric, faces/bodies, or inanimate objects.

As you can see here, my brain mostly likes to look for triangles, or half-circles. It just feels right 👌

The wig:

I learned to use translucency, with hair and light fabrics fading into background, from watching and doing watercolour. Here's one of my all-time favourite watercolour artists that does that sometimes, and it looks absolutely stunning: 미술부화실 misulbu

The waistcoat and the jacket:

The hat:

Another thing to point out, if you haven't noticed already, I really like my stokes straight unlike myself, with exceptions, of course. It's another habit I picked up from watching other people draw, as well as my years of studying art professionally. Teachers taught me to use straight criss-crossing hatches to indicate form, instead of curved ones (there was a really cool tiktok showing that kind of technique, but I can't find it :(). Not that I follow their advice in its intended way majority of the time lololol but um... yeah...

So anyway, this is the end of part 1, I'll try to finish the second part tomorrow. It will be about smaller details, texture, and an tiiiny bit of 🔥grime🔥

[whorefordazai]

Ayo, I know ur requests are closed, but I saw your gender bent hc, and honestly the boys being the ones genderbent would be 👌👌👌

I had too much fun writing this 😏 and was kinda confused on what pronouns to use when describing them so uhh (him/her???)

bsd boys: gender bend edition

ft. dazai | chuuya | oda | aku x reader

genre: fluff, slight nsfw

warnings: slight depictions of sex

Dazai

Y’all think normal dazai is pretty? Just imagine him as a woman 🙈 FUCKIDN LORD🏃🏼‍♀️

Just imagine him with long messy brown hair, the same outfit but like hotter.

If he were to become a woman out of nowhere, the first thing he’d do is flash himself in the mirror to inspect his boobs🕺

“Wow...these look so majestic, I feel so lucky😧 is this what you do every time you’re in front of a mirror, belladonna?”

“...not every time...ಥ‿ಥ”

Would definitely boost his ego 100x more because now he can seduce men too😏

But dazai, why was seducing men your first thought 😄

Imagine giving dazai head oh fuck

“Y-y/n...” Dazai’s soft moans whimper from under you. You chuckle onto the soft skin between his legs. His hands grip the sheets and he tilt his head back in pleasure.

“Make some more noise for me, pretty girl.”

Anyways😏🤚

Getting his first fucking period. He has no idea what to do haha! Blood is everywhere, his stomach hurts, he feels as though he really wants to kill himself right this moment.

“I hate being a woman ಠ_ಠ”

“Babe, you should get used to this.”

You help him clean up and get him some light snacks along with a heating pad. Both of you snuggle up on the couch. Your arms wrapped around Dazai’s small figure🥺

“Y/n, can you sleep on my boobs?”

“...why ᇂ_ᇂ?”

“I wanna see what it feels like ◕ ◡ ◕”

“...okay ʘ‿ʘ?”

You softly lower your head onto his chest, careful not to hurt him. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you bury your face in his shirt.

A giggle escapes Dazai’s lips. “Wait, that tickles!”

“Squish...squish...” you mumble, softly squeezing his boobs like a plushie.

“Okay, how do they feel ^ｰ^?”

“...very nice. They feel very nice ಠ◡ಠ”

He wears some of your clothes on the daily, but now he’ll wear almost half your wardrobe.

He feels really pretty in all those dresses you have oh my🙂

Chuuya

He’s already so hot and pretty, just imagine him as a girl. HOLY FUCK🏃🏼‍♀️

Curly red hair, that signature fedora, and even that choker around his neck. BUT ADD BLACK EYELINER OSHHS

He would definitely feel a little weird in his new body. Wouldn’t exactly like it at first and will definitely be complaining.

Give it a few days and let him look in the mirror and see how hot he looks as a woman😏

“Y/n...you’re still...attracted to me, right?”

“...babe, you have no idea ●‿●”

His attitude is the same so now people are even more scared of him. At first glance someone would think he’s just a cute little sweet girl but then BOOM he kicks them 20 feet into the air (only if they piss him off)

He now has the double struggle of being short and being a girl 👩‍🦯

FASHION SHOWS !!

This mf loves styling himself and looking really damn good, so once he finds out there’s a whole new world of outfits he can try on as a woman...just know you’ll be shopping for a while.

He’s a fucking mafiosa, always dressed in sleek black outfits with a hat that lets his red curls peek out. The black lace veil hiding his blue eyes just pulls the whole outfit together so well

He sometimes lets you do his makeup cuz he thinks he looks prettier with. The both of you will paint each other’s nails (he is somehow is very good at it. Anything you wanna tell us, Chuuya🧐?)

You thought you liked chuuya dominant as a male? Honey, you ain’t ready for him as a woman🏃🏼‍♀️

“Am I making you feel good, baby?” Chuuya looks up from the space between your legs. A few strands of his red hair fall onto your skin as he moves them away. You shiver, feeling his smooth fingertips dangerously graze against your core.

You can only nod, feeling his soft lips leave a trail of kisses on your inner thigh. The faint print of red lipstick followed the trail.

RED LIPSTICK ON YOUR INNER THIGH HOLY FUCKSJ🏃🏼‍♀️💨

Oda

I’M GONNA CRY he would be (already is) SO HOT

At first he wouldn’t have much of a reaction like, okay? I’m a woman now.

Little does he know there’s more to it than that😆

He’d go about his day like normal, sometimes even forgetting that he’s a woman now. But his hair keeps getting in his face?? Men keep staring at him?? Some kid thought he was his grandma??

It was sweet at first, but it was so overwhelming and uncomfortable.

He comes home, in slight frustration. Exhaling as he closes the door and begins to take off his coat, something harshly tugs at his hair.

His hair was stuck on the mf zipper ಠ_ಠ

You try to hold in your laughter at his misfortune. “Here, let me help.”

While you’re untangling his hair, his face remains still and stoic. “When will this be over ᇂ_ᇂ?”

He is actually very suddenly interested in skincare. Why? Not sure.

He sometimes sees you putting on all these serums and face masks but never felt the need to ask you about it. Plus, you sometimes helped him shave-that was the closest thing to skin care this man has ever gotten to.

But now he has a face of a woman, so his skin feels a lot smoother and softer. He thinks to himself, should I be taking care of it?? What were all those things y/n was putting on her face🧐?

WAIT THATS SO CUTE OSKJS🏃🏼‍♀️💨

So you help tie his hair into a pony tail and the both of you put on face masks😆

He somehow really enjoys doing all these self care tasks that he’s never thought about in his life🤔

Imagine the both of you sitting in a bathtub, rose petals covering the water. Your heads are wrapped up in towels as you sip on wine. Cucumbers are placed on Oda’s eyes.

He could get used to this😏

Sexy time🙈

He’s a very quiet dom on the usual, but suddenly he’s very vocal when he gets his pussy ate‼️

He’ll love it when you top. Now he kinda knows how you feel when he’s pounding into you 😏

If oda actually had kids as a woman, he would a A HOT MILF😳

Akutagawa

He’d be like what the fuck is happening ಠ_ಠ?

Wouldn’t give much of a reaction on the outside (pretending to play it cool) but on the inside he’s having 20 mental breakdowns at the same time.

Please help him😁

He’ll definitely dismiss you saying “I can handle it myself ಠ_ಠ”

“Ryu, your hair is in knots and you’re limping on your heels ◔_◔”

“...ಠ~ಠ”

Taking a bath is now even more difficult for him. He feels embarrassed even looking at himself. His chest has these two lumps and his hips suddenly have curves and his skin feels smoother and softer.

His boobs catch his eye in every outfit he wears. No one else really notices or cares except him. Finally one day, he’s had enough. He stomps to you with a determined face, pointing at his chest.

“I want these off. Now ᇂ_ᇂ”

“...I don’t think it works like that...◕ ◡ ◕?”

Eventually he’ll have to adapt. He’s still the same person but just imagine aku as a hot emo goth girl 🕺

Will be 10x scarier than before now that he’s discovered black eyeliner and actually likes growing his nails out (reminds him of claws to rip off people eyeballs)

It’s a love/hate relationship tbh LMAO sometimes he loves how powerful he feels in high heels. Other times, he hates how others look down on him just because they underestimate how powerful he is (even as a woman)

Can I just add, Atsushi almost did a double take and called aku “the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen” before he found out it was aku ಥ‿ಥ

Aku noticed, Atsushi noticed that he noticed, and they both just decided to keep silent and move on as if it never happened 🤝

[uwua3]

imposter.

🌸🎮 chigasaki itaru

summary: rule #1 — never take off your helmet

dedication: shy anon 🧡 :)

warnings: angst, betrayal, death(s), gore, heartbreak, lying

author’s note: this is set in an among us universe :D please be mindful of the concept of the game as you progress forward in the writing! this is an overdue halloween–piece that will bring the chills even in november! (this is the first time i’ve written in first person... :O) ♡ to shy, i hope you especially like this!

word count: 2,550

music: hit and run – lolo, as the world caves in – matt maltese

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

October 31, 20XX ☆ 05:24

There is only one rule on the spaceship everyone follows: NEVER TAKE OFF YOUR HELMET.

Ever since the report of an alien specimen being on board, the entire crew has made it mandatory that we remain in uniform. I’ve slowly forgotten the faces of my crewmates, all I can see is the color of their astronaut suits. Every day is the same: waking up to do tasks, all whilst hoping not to die.

Luckily, we haven’t had to call an emergency meeting in months. Or, so I believe. Time passes differently in the middle of the solar system. How long has it been since I’ve talked to someone outside of maintaining the ship? Days, weeks, months, years? The threat of an invader walking among us has taken over our ship for the worst.

I have to do my tasks now.

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 1, 20XX ☆ 06:30

Today, a new crew member joined us! From what the captain told us, he goes by the name Taruchi. He wears an orange uniform and doesn’t seem to talk much, only really spends time on his government-assigned phone.

I’ve introduced myself to Taruchi at the mandatory staff meeting, but he didn’t seem to be too interested. He just nodded and went back to tapping away on his screen, playing something that looked like shooting asteroids.

To be honest, no one knows exactly why it took this long to replace White, who was tragically murdered by the Imposter not too long ago. I assume it’s because no one wants to work on a spaceship where the alien is still on board. Taruchi’s got guts, that’s for sure. Or, maybe…

Is it just me… or is Taruchi sus?

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 2, 20XX ☆ 15:43

Red died.

Right before the lights had to be fixed in Electrical, I noticed an orange suit out of the corner of my eye. Taruchi leaned against the wall in the Storage corridor, right beneath the blinking security camera. He was on his phone again, almost pulling it out of his pocket before stopping, looking up to meet my gaze.

I swear my heart stop. Even with both of our helmets on, I could feel the piercing stare of this unknown crew member. Taruchi straightened his posture, and I could feel how tall he truly was. He tilted his head, presumably looking me up and down before tapping a button on his phone. The last thing I felt was the unfamiliar buzz of notification against my belt strap before it went all dark for a few minutes.

Red’s body was reported by Purple in Electrical, a location Taruchi and I were just around the corner of. By the time everyone entered the Cafeteria to vote, Purple’s finger was pointed directly at me. It was the first time I’ve been accused of being the Imposter. Purple, a friend who I had known ever since we both joined this Skeld map together, thought I had murdered Red in cold blood.

Taruchi spoke up for the first time since he arrived. His voice was smooth with a tone of calmness that fit his casual stance around the ship. Taruchi jumped so easily into the conversation, I couldn’t help but stare in awe while he sat beside me.

“They were with me in Storage, they’re safe.” Taruchi vouched for me, turning the conversation to a dead end. We all ended up agreeing to skip the vote, even if it was against Purple’s will at the end. When we rushed to finish our tasks for the day, all I remember was Purple staring at me for a moment too long before heading in the direction of the Upper Engine.

It was just Taruchi and me in the Cafeteria with the emergency button going through its cooldown again. I nearly couldn’t believe it, I was suspected. I would have to be careful of where I was next time.

Taruchi turned towards me as if wanting to say something, before sighing and shaking his head. He moved to stand up and stopped by the entrance to Medbay, turning around while knocking his knuckles onto the wall once as if he already didn’t have my undivided attention.

 “Be careful, okay? There’s an Imposter among us.” I swore I could see him wink before he disappeared. Taruchi’s words didn’t leave me for the rest of the day because I had realized something.

We haven’t had a death in so long, until Taruchi arrived.

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 5, 20XX ☆ 17:12

One crewmate had died today: Purple.

It was a hit and run in the Lower Engine. At the second body reporting of the day, Cyan claimed they were on cams duty in Security, but they didn’t see a thing. Purple was found in the Lower Engine in the lowest corridor to the left, making it an easy kill for the Imposter. Once I had found out the news, I was the immediate suspect.

If it wasn’t for Taruchi again, I would’ve been kicked out into space. I would’ve been the third death, but Taruchi had once again saved me.

 Prior to Purple’s death, I was in the Reactor trying to start it. Taruchi walked into the room, nearly making me yell out of shock from how quiet he was. Taruchi raised his hands as if trying to prove he was innocent, helping me up from the ground with a small laugh.

 “Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, you’re okay.” Taruchi reassured me, making sure I could stand on my own two (2) feet before letting me go. For some reason, even if every sign pointed to him being the Imposter, I believed him. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, nodding as I managed to thank him. Taruchi just waved his and, signaling for me to not worry about it as he caught sight of the keypad in front of me.

“Oh? You got the ‘Start Reactor’ task, hm?” Taruchi said, moving in closer to see my progress. I hadn’t even started yet, and that became embarrassingly obvious once Taruchi let out another laugh.

“You haven’t started? How long have you worked here?” Taruchi joked, knocking his fist into my helmet lightly as if to tease me. I swatted back, trying not to show I was flustered beneath my mask. Though, sometimes it felt like Taruchi could see right through me despite only being here for four (4) days or so.

“I’ve always been awful at patterns.” I admitted quietly, looking away as Taruchi tried to hold in his laughter this time around. It took a moment for him to compose himself before Taruchi exaggerated a sigh, taking my position and pressing in the pattern quickly without even hesitating.

Right as it reached the fifth stage, Taruchi looked over his shoulder to hold his hand out. “You have to clean up the Halloween decorations around the ship with me or else I’ll leave you to this task alone.” Taruchi compromised, waiting for me to accept this dal as the timer began counting down.

 “Taruchi, you’re kidding.” You paused, waiting for him to say he was joking but that moment never came. Cleaning around the Skeld was the worst job possible, even if it got me out of a day of tasks. Before the last second disappeared, I took his hand with a loud “Fine!” and his other hand entered the code without even looking at the same time. Gamer hands were impressive, to say the least.

“Good little astronaut.” Taruchi patted my helmet as I watched the taskbar go up on my phone. “I’ll see you tomorrow in the Cafeteria at 0800, then, little one.”  

Before I could respond to the new nickname, both Taruchi and I’s phone screens lit up with the notification of Brown reporting Purple’s corpse.

Taruchi’s fingers tensed around his device as he looked at me solemnly. “I’ll defend you in Cafeteria, don’t worry about it.” Taruchi promised, leaving first as I regained my senses and followed after him.

Taruchi lived up to his word, even when Yellow brought up how Purple was dead after accusing me a few days ago.

“Purple’s dead after they targeted you? Seems sus to me.” Yellow scoffed, kicking their feet up onto the table and crossing their arms. Murmurs spread around the cafeteria table, my own crew mates beginning to further doubt my allegiance.

“They just did a task in Reactor. Can’t you see it in the taskbar?” Taruchi retorted back, holding up his own screen as evidence. The rest of the crew checked to confirm, and voiced their agreement.

“How did you know that, Orange?” Blue questioned out of nowhere, leaning forward to stare at Taruchi and me. I didn’t know what to say, should I admit I was with Taruchi or would that make both of us seem suspicious?

“Stalked them from the vents, of course.”

It went so silent I could hear the beeping from navigation. Everyone was looking at Taruchi at this point. The vent from Lower Engine did lead to Reactor… but, that made no sense. Taruchi had walked into the entrance, he didn’t vent up.

“Haha, just kidding.” Taruchi said after a moment too long, leading to everyone relaxing after an uncomfortable but relieved sigh. I didn’t know why I didn’t defend Taruchi immediately, except... I did. I just didn’t want to say it out loud. Even I wasn’t sure if Taruchi was another Impostor or not.

Two (2) imposters on one (1) ship… I shuddered at the thought.

Once again, we ended up skipping. I think the crew was afraid of what would happen if we lost another innocent. Everyone else left to mourn yet another death as Taurchi and I stayed behind again.

Taruchi couldn’t be Imposter. Not when I felt this safe with him. Taruchi was the one to stand up first again after he noticed I wasn’t saying anything. This time, he leaned over me instead.

“Your helmet isn’t put on right, it’s not adjusted correctly.” Taruchi reminded me, fixing it so we both could hear the latches hook onto the helmet. I wondered what his hands would feel like without those orange gloves, but, I nodded instead.

“Remember tomorrow, here, 8, got it?” When I nodded again, he laughed. It was a sound that made me feel relaxed even when the rest of the crew was on high alert.

“It’s a date, then.” Taruchi added on before strolling out towards his dorms, I assume. I just waved goodbye before freezing. Huh? What did that mean? Was it actually a date?

Even when my crew mates were facing the threat of death, I couldn’t help but get excited over seeing Taruchi tomorrow morning.

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 6, 20XX ☆ 12:07

Taruchi took off his helmet today.

He said to stop calling him that alias, his real name is Chigasaki Itaru. Itaru… I like that more than Taruchi.

His eyes are the same color as Pink’s uniform, with blonde hair that fell over his forehead after wearing his helmet all day. When Itaru saw me stare, he smiled and it only made my heart beat faster.

“Uh oh. Does someone have to go to MedBay to check their vitals?” Itaru joked, nudging me with his helmet. Itaru had broken rule #1 of the spaceship, he had taken off his helmet… for me.

“See? I told you I wasn’t Imposter. I could tell you were thinking that, but, I promise, I’m on your side.” Itaru didn’t ask me to take off my helmet. He just put his back on and we continued taking down the Halloween decorations.

Taruchi—no, Itaru, wasn’t an Imposter. I knew that for a fact.

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 15, 20XX ☆ 02:52

I really like Itaru. I want to play this game with him forever, but, I can’t.

YOUR LOG. STARDATE:

November 24, 20XX ☆ 23:11

Itaru and I were watching the stars as we patrolled Navigation for the night. As we slowly made our way through time and space itself, I could hear Itaru turn on automatic cruise control. I looked towards him as he yawned despite being the biggest night owl on the ship.

When Itaru took off his helmet and shook his head, fixing his hair in the process, he leaned back in his pilot seat with a lazy smile.

“Me, you, and the stars. What could be better than this?” Itaru sighed, as if at peace after leaving the tense atmosphere of the ship. Now that it was night, the suspicion was asleep as everyone took their appropriate night shifts.

Underneath the starlight, I couldn’t help but admire him yet again. Itaru was beautiful and I found myself subconsciously smiling at him like a fool. Itaru glanced at the sky before meeting my sight, seemingly lost in a daze for a second before swearing, taking his feet off the control panel.

“I can’t see you, but goddamn it, I want to kiss you so bad.” Itaeu put his head in his hands, his words muffled but clear enough to make my heart skip a beat. Before I could stop myself, I revealed what I’ve always wanted to say ever since I met Itaru.

“I trust you, Itaru. Kiss me.”

Itaru slowly lifted his head, silently asking if you were serious. I leaned in closer, pushing my chair towards him as if giving him permission. Itaru was in shock and disbelief, before breaking out into a wide smile as if this was the highlight of his night.

When he leaned in as well, his hands ghosted over the latches of my helmet warily, meeting my eyes again to confirm. I nodded, and right before Itaru took it off, he whispered his last confession.

“I love you.”

Black alien tentacles pushed past the opening in my helmet and wrapped around Itaru’s throat without any warning. The helmet clattered to the floor noisily as tens of intergalactic limbs spread out and searched for their next victim. It had been so long since I last killed that my extraterrestrial tentacles were deathly hungry, and Itaru was next.

Itaru was lifted into the air, his feet dangling as he desperately tried to grab the tentacles off him. I couldn’t help but smile even as I watched the light fade away from his eyes. My parasitic tentacles squeezed tighter and tighter around every square surface of his body. It wouldn’t be long before he exploded all over the entire Navigation room.

“Rule #1: Never take off your helmet, Itaru.”

I dropped his lifeless body onto the floor without a care in the world. Orange’s suit was stained with blood with what was left of him. I put my helmet back on, wiping the evidence away like I’ve done many times before.

I made sure to set off O2 malfunction on my phone before I hopped into the vent, quickly coming out of Shields before running with the rest of the group. When I managed to report Orange’s body, I watched his corpse float millions of light years away in the distance.

Itaru was not the Imposter.

I am, and I’m going to win, no matter who died.

[elliewan]

i was wondering if you could tell us a little more about frost/melusi (if you’d like)— i never thought about that ship until i saw your post and i think it’s a good idea :)

Sure thing anon! <3 Thanks for asking :D

Here are some thoughts and tales I can think about :)

During her first weeks at Rainbow, Melusi was assigned with Frost and Kapkan to training the recruits in survival exercises and scenarios. She knew Kapkan from her first days at Rainbow and her evaluation, and finds him professional, calm and surprisingly open-minded. But then, there’s Frost – this sunny hyperactive Canadian who seems to be friends with everyone… except Kapkan, which Melusi doesn’t quite understand at first.

And the moment Melusi realizes she might have feelings for Frost is during a survival exercise in Alaska with them. They were training recruits, following them from afar, when she realized, at night, how beautiful Frost was when she was at rest (which is… not frequent! Haha). Her black eyes shining with the flames from the fire pit, a soft smile on her lips, lost in her thoughts :smack:

Yet, the moment she knows she has feelings for her is during an operation. They were securing a biohazard container in a clandestine White Masks lab; Melusi and Bandit were roaming outside when enemies breached the objective where Frost, Mira and Mute were holding the position. Mute was shot in the arm in the process, while Mira got blinded and stunned by a flashbang, thus leaving Frost on her own. Melusi heard everything through the comms, Frost shouting intel, the loud tumult from the shooting, and hoped she wouldn’t be too late.

But when she arrived on the position, she saw a breathless Frost. A successful breathless Frost. She had managed the situation on her own, clutched it, terrorists lying dead on the floor. And the moment Frost pulled her balaclava down to breathe better, her weapon still in a tight grip, Melusi fell definitely in love. Because Frost wasn’t just an operator – she was a one-woman army. And her gaze was the one of a special force agent, a ruthless and tactical warrior.

On the other side, Frost felt something for Melusi at first glance. The first time they met was when Harry and Ash introduced Melusi to Kapkan and Frost, for the training of the recruits. And though it didn’t start well - because putting Frost and Kapkan in the same room wasn’t a good idea to warm the atmosphere - Melusi quickly became the link between them. And Frost immediately admired Melusi’s mind, her posture, her vibes, her assertiveness and her experiences, so different from hers. And of course, her gorgeous face and her muscled torso <3

So, when Melusi started to hang around with her (Frost wasn’t aware of Melusi assessing her), Frost’s heart started to beat louder. Let’s not mention also how she got stereotypically clumsier or how she would stutter when around Melusi. But Frost’s love is not just one of an admirer, it’s much more instinctive, natural. There are just many things and details about Melusi that just attract her: her sharp mind, her precisely picked words and phrases, her dark humor (her mere way of chuckling or scoffing sends Frost to heaven), her culture, her anecdotes, her criticism sense, her routines and everyday manners… (Melusi’s pink pajamas <3)

But one thing she didn’t expect from Melusi was her misandry. Like everything with Melusi, it’s not blatant - it’s subtle and hidden, but it’s there. Melusi often tends to dismiss or ignore male operators when they talk, and often goes to Ash or Mira when she wants information, rather than Harry, Zero or Thatcher. She thinks men are too blunt and made too lazy from years of gender hegemony, to strike matters with a subtle mind. Frost’s fraternal friendship with Buck will allow Melusi to broaden a bit her horizons, and thanks to Rainbow’s diversity, Melusi will slowly change her mind.

One thing that unites them with a strong bond, is their love for wildlife and nature. It’s Melusi’s secret weakness: her absolute compassion for animals. She sobs at the mere mentioning of Australia’s 2019-2020 fires :( It’s something that Frost shares and loves about her, though. A perfect date for them consists of bivouacking under the open sky, in the wilderness, hiding to take pictures of animals. They like to compete in quizzes too, listening to birds’ sounds and trying to figure out their names, or watching wildlife pictures and guessing where those were taken.

They also fight when they have to decide where to spend their leaves. Melusi wants to discover Frost’s North America while Frost wants to know more of Melusi’s southern Africa, and though both of them are willing to share their birth continents, they strive for exploration and new horizons. So, most of the time they find compromises in Eurasia and Oceania.

As a couple at the base, they are rather discreet. Not many PDAs, and often too busy and focused on their tasks to just share a few words. But when around each other, you can feel that there’s something going between the two. Melusi’s smiles at the sight of Frost during a break, or Frost’s frequent mentions of Melusi in conversations. But in their dorm, they are two glue sticks: they just need to be in contact, skin to skin. And when they kiss, it’s often hot. Like hot. And every night, they learn more about each other and about their desires.

And to finish this post, just some pet names they share when not in public (though some may slip sometimes :3). Melusi calls Frost “love” or “kitten” while Frost calls Melusi “baby” and “Didi”.

[mischiefandi]

Prom? - Peter Parker

A/N: sooo, it’s been a hot minute since my last fic on this blog haha, and by hot minute, I mean over a year and a half hahaha (not counting my drake fic). This also happens to be my very first Peter Parker one-shot, so I really hope you guys enjoy it!

Summary: Peter wants to ask Y/N to go to prom with him, but will it go as planned? 

Warnings: it’s pretty fluffy ngl

Word Count: 4,3k

“Y/N, wait up!” Y/N whirled around instantly at the sound of the familiar voice calling out her name.  

The corners of her lips quickly quirked up when her eyes rested on her best friend, Peter. He was running towards her, his backpack jumping up and down against his back as he leapt across the hall and past the lockers to catch up with her. His eyes met hers, a bright smile on his face.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night?” she asked him, glancing at his obviously mismatched socks peeking out from under his pants and disheveled hair.

“Uh, yeah, not really. Ned and I stayed up really late to finish building the Lego Death Star.”  

“How’s it looking?”

“She is officially up and running- I mean obviously not- up and running, I mean, it’s just a bunch of Legos- what I’m trying to say is-,”

“-Peter?”

“Yeah?” he asked, lips slightly parted, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Why are you rambling? You only ramble when you’re really nervous about something,” said Y/N, smiling tentatively at her friend.

“I’m not rambling? Why would you say I’m rambling?”

Walking alongside Y/N and passing by the brightly-colored prom posters plastered on the walls, Peter looked down at the floor and she laughed, the angelic sound turning the color of his cheeks to a deep shade of red. He was nervous. Truth be told, she had always had that effect on him. Making him blush and stutter was something she did a lot more than she noticed. But he was more nervous than usual that day. Prom was right around the corner, and the students of Midtown High had been asking their significant others to the dance. Almost everyone had a date at this point. Except for Peter, and hopefully, Y/N.

Y/N chose to ignore her friend’s anxious antics and spoke again, her skirt twirling a bit as she danced ahead of Peter, still facing him. His pulse quickened at the sight of her. She truly was the most gorgeous girl in the world, at least in his eyes. She always wore sweet dresses and skirts, and she was never seen without two little hair clips in her gorgeous hair. She didn’t wear makeup aside from a light shade of pink lightly applied to her soft lips by her delicate fingertips. Her eyes sparkled with joy everywhere she went. She was sunshine. She was his sunshine. Or at least, he wholeheartedly wished she was.

“I had lunch with Tobias and Jessie. It wasn’t half as fun as building a toy spaceship would have been but-”

“-it’s not a spaceship Y/N! We’ve talked about this,” he whined with a smile tugging at his lips and she burst out laughing before hooking her arm around his own and kept walking, dropping her voice to a lower tone.

“I’m just messing with you, Parker.”

Her breath hit his neck and every single hair on his body raised at the warm feeling, his muscles tensing as she held onto his arm and swung it a little on their way to History.

It was moments like these, harmless to her but so utterly overwhelming to him, where he wished the simple action meant the same thing to the both of them. Where he wished her heart fluttered when she saw him run towards her, where he wished she was holding onto him because the idea of not feeling his touch was simply unthinkable.

Moments like these, he wanted nothing more than to lower his lips to hers and kiss her in front of everyone. They didn’t matter. Only she did.

“When do you go home? I always confuse Ned’s timetable with yours,” said Y/N, furrowing her brow.

“I-uh- have History with you and then Calculus right after.”

“Ha! Sucks to be you! After this, I am done for the day, and thank God too ‘cause I’m exhausted!” she added with a sing-songy voice.

Peter rolled his eyes at her but grinned from ear to ear as she rushed into the classroom, his body feeling light as air. A feeling that was about to disappear in just a matter of seconds.

“Oh my god Toby-…”

Inside the classroom, a dozen students stood next to Tobias who was holding a bouquet of pink roses in his hands, a dorky smile splashed across his face. Peter’s heart sank as he glanced at Y/N. She looked completely dumbstruck as the crowd held up a large poster with the words : “WiLL YoU Be mY DaTe To PrOm?” written in bright purple glitter letters.

Peter suddenly felt like melting into the ground and disappearing, the harrowing reality striking him. She was going to prom with Tobias and he was a fool. Squeezing past the students who had gathered around to watch the promposal unravel, the distraught boy slid out of the classroom and walked past the lockers.

An eruption of cheers coming from inside the class made his heart throb and he shut his eyes, accelerating his pace, knowing full well that what he had prayed wouldn’t happen, had.

Peter burst through the main doors of the school and stumbled down the stairs as he chewed on his lower lip, trying to inhale and exhale through his nose with serenity but failing miserably. He wasn’t going to admit it, not even to himself, but he was fighting tears right then and there. Ignoring the confused looks students were throwing him, he dashed down onto the sidewalk and turned a sharp left. Crossing the street, Peter ran towards the small alley by the dry cleaners and he stopped to catch his breath. He was probably going to get in trouble for skipping class, but he didn’t care. He needed to get away.

His eyes stung with emotion and he groaned out loud, weakly huffing before resuming his journey. After running past the dodgy trash cans and garbage, desperately trying not to inhale the unpleasant air engulfing him, he finally came to a halt and placed his backpack on the concrete ground. The strong smell of something rotting and other things he’d rather not think about filling his nostrils, Peter grimaced as he hurried to take off his blue sweatshirt and beige pants. Throwing his clothes in the backpack, Peter struggled to get into his spidey-suit, his shaking fingers making his task a little bit more difficult than usual.  

The disguised teenager then spewed a web at his things, sticking them to the brick wall opposite him, looked up, and leapt. Closing his eyes, he felt his feet leave the ground and the wind blow against his suit-covered skin. He always embraced the feeling he got while jumping up into the sky, the sensation unparalleled, but this time, his thoughts were clouded by the cheers he had heard just minutes before.

Peter shook his head as he landed with a smooth flip, his breathing slightly ragged, and he resisted the urge to yank his mask off, knowing it was still too big a risk taking it off so close to the ground.  

Again, he spewed webs all over the place, pulling and jumping and spinning around the towers and buildings that surrounded him. A few excited squeals could be heard as he flew above the crowded streets of New York but he didn’t bother stopping for a selfie. He needed to go somewhere quiet, somewhere he could be alone with his thoughts and his dejected self.

He found it soon enough.

It was the small fire escape he had spent most of his summer and early fall lunches at, calling Happy every single day to tell him what he had done around New York and to describe the crimes he had stopped. It was a place he knew well, a place he had gotten used to. His old faithful.

Peter huffed and rubbed the back of his neck after pulling off his tight mask, his hair messy and uncooperative. He tried to pass his fingers through the locks but his disheveled mop refused to set itself straight, so he gave up.

Looking out at the horizon, Peter gazed at the Manhattan skyline, the lines and corners of the buildings in front of him clashing with the sunlight. He had always loved this view. It wasn’t the best one in the city, but it was something, and it was his. You could still hear the cabs and the people down in the streets, but the sound was music to Peter’s ears, as was the sound of Y/N’s laugh, the sound of her voice.

Peter’s eyes welled up and he angrily rubbed at his them. Tobias was an idiot. He was. He liked baseball more than breathing and his stupid smirk made Peter’s blood boil. He wasn’t a bad boy, but he liked to pretend he was and that was something that annoyed Peter more than anything else. He seemed to think it was cool to say idiotic things, and he thought it was fun to smoke and drink cheap beer and wear a leather jacket. He was a walking cliché.

But…he was nice, and pretty funny once you got used to his sense of humor. And he was a decent chess player. He even liked Star Wars. He was a good guy, and that’s what Peter hated about this most of all.

Peter had liked Y/N for months, but he had always been so afraid of telling her how he felt. It was because he knew his awkward rambling would quickly turn him into a blabbering fool and he would hate himself for making his friend feel uncomfortable. But mostly, it was because he was terrified she didn’t feel the same way. It wasn’t just the obvious humiliation that scared him, it was the idea of losing the beautiful friendship he had with her. She was his everything, and losing her would hurt more than anything else.

As he gazed at the view, Peter thought back on the wonderful times he had spent with her since the beginning of the year.

They had met in that very same classroom in September. She was sitting in front of him, her back turned on him. He was absent-mindedly staring at the blackboard, his thoughts on something unimportant when she suddenly turned around and clapped her hands against his desk, bright yellow nail polish painted on her nails catching his eye.

“Do you have a highlighter I can borrow?” she asked, her voice smooth as honey.

Peter’s mind blanked, his eyes widening at the sight of her beautiful eyes, eyes he would often get lost in later down the line.

She watched him curiously, a confused but kind smile on her lips.

“Earth to Parker?” she insisted playfully and the boy snapped out of his daze.

“You know my name?” he asked her, bewildered.

“Well yeah, aren’t you in Debate Club?”

Peter’s brow furrowed and he leaned in a little, the sudden scent of sweet vanilla and strawberries invading his senses.

“Yeah, how do you do that?”

“Oh, I’m psychic,” she replied, shrugging nonchalantly as though this was a perfectly normal statement. Peter’s eyes widened a bit and she giggled, shaking her head with a grin.

“I’m kidding, obviously! I talked to Mr. Harrington about joining this morning. He showed me a picture of last year’s team and told me everyone’s names,” she explained.

“Right, obviously. My bad,” Peter replied, chuckling softly. His eyes clinged to hers. They were beautiful and vibrant, twinkling with joy as she smiled at him. He was enthralled by her. Though her smile became hesitant as the seconds grew longer.

“So, um, about that highlighter?” she said, laughing nervously.

“Right! Yes, a highlighter. I’ve got plenty of those!” Peter exclaimed, shoving his hands in his pencil case, retrieving a bright blue felt tip pen. He grinned, victorious, and she laughed again, the sound sending butterflies in his stomach.

“You’re a lifesaver! Thank you,” she said softly as the History teacher walked in and sat himself down at his desk, the students starting to quiet down.

Peter smiled at her and shook his head.

“No problem. By the way, it’s cool you’re thinking of joining Debate. I like it a lot.”

“Yeah, there weren’t many clubs at my old school so I really wanna branch out, try something new,” she said.

“Alright everyone, let’s all use our inside voices from now on. I suggest we start the year off with a reading from your textbooks, page 7,” the teacher drawled and Peter reluctantly looked down at his history book, his fingers slowly flipping through the pages in sync with the other students, the girl’s back facing him again, though not for long. She turned around again and held out her hand.

“I’m Y/N by the way, Y/N Y/L/N,” she said with a grin.

Peter smiled at her and took her hand, his body jolting at the feeling of her skin against hers, soft and soothing like herself. He calmly shook her hand and chuckled.

“Peter Parker. It’s nice to meet you.”

That had been the first of many History classes filled with laughter, fun, and inside jokes, all so dear to Peter. Y/N finally joined Debate which he was thrilled about. He also introduced her to Ned, and the trio started to hang out after school, watching movies and going on walks around the city. Y/N especially loved nature so she constantly dragged Peter to Central Park, giggling at the sight of squirrels and little children running around the pathways. He always felt so lucky falling in step with her, her arm linked around his, something she always did.

Months later, their friendship was even stronger than before, the pair confiding in each other and exchanging stories and secrets they hadn’t told anyone else. Peter told her about his uncle’s death and how difficult it had been going through that, and she told him about her insecurities and fears. She was afraid of being alone, of being left behind, and she wasn’t confident, something he just couldn’t understand.

He couldn’t think of anything he didn’t like about her. Yes, she was very stubborn, she hated to admit when she was wrong, and she didn’t like Star Wars. But that was all fine. It was who she was, and he loved who she was. Because aside from her flaws, she had wonderful qualities that made her so very special. She was a joyous and optimistic ray of sunlight, happy and enthusiastic about everything. She was understanding and kind too, always by his side in case he needed anything at all. Y/N was curious as well, asking questions about anything and everything, constantly in the mood for an adventure. She was vibrant and just the sight of her made his days a hundred times brighter.

He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where he had fallen for her. It was all of the little things about her: how her eyes sparkled when she was happy, how she always skipped ahead of him to get to History, how she hummed to herself whenever she looked up at the sky. Insignificant things in the eyes of a stranger, but so precious to Peter, like little drops of gold gifted by the universe, destined only for him. He cared so much about her. Which is precisely why he wanted to invite her to the prom.

He had spent weeks trying to come up with the perfect way to do it, afraid of doing something too tacky or cheesy. He wanted to do something memorable, but what if he messed it up with his rambling? Peter had so much he wanted to tell her, his extracurricular activities being one of those things. He still hadn’t told her he was Spiderman. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. He knew she would never betray his confidence, of that he was sure. He wasn’t sure, however, that she wouldn’t see him differently. Maybe she’d think he was lying, or maybe she’d only like him back because he was Spiderman. So many maybes and what ifs.

Peter eventually told Ned about his feelings and fears, and Ned wasted no time, immediately encouraging his friend to confess the truth to Y/N. The whole truth.

“She won’t see you differently, it’s Y/N! She’s the most down-to-earth person we know. And she’s crazy about you, even I can see it.”

“She’s not crazy about me…” Peter replied shyly, his eyes fixated on the floor.

“Um. Yes, she is. Do you not see the way she looks at you? Heart eyes!”

After much deliberation and planning, Peter had finally mustered up the courage to reveal himself to Y/N, tell her how he felt about her, and ask her to go to prom with him. It was no small feat. But now it was too late; she was going with Tobias. Peter was so disappointed, angrily cursing at himself for wasting so much time and for letting her get away.

He had worked so hard on what he was going to say and on the actual promposal, and he had been so nervous as well. When Peter got to school that day, his lungs felt like they were about to burst from anxiety. He was unbelievably scared, terrified even of what was going to happen later that day. After school, Y/N was going to go home and see what he had left for her.

Oh no.

Peter shot up, the sudden realization hitting him square in the face like a pack of bricks. She was going to go home and see what he had left for her. A huge pit formed in his stomach and he hastily covered his face with his mask, immediately spraying his webs onto the building opposite him and leaping off the railing of the fire escape. He had to get there before her.

Almost out of breath, he jumped and somersaulted off apartment complexes, flying above tourists excitedly calling out for him just like they always did, but again, he paid them no mind, mentally apologizing to them. The air grew a little cooler as the late afternoon settled in, a welcome breeze blowing against Peter’s warm body.

“I’m almost there, almost there. Can’t let her see it.” He thought to himself when a ding sound suddenly interrupted his inner dialogue. He gripped onto the side of a deli, taking out his phone and his heart sank further down.

Y/N: peter?? where’d u go?

Y/N: I told the teacher u were sick, what’s going on??

Y/N: peter you’re scaring me!! where are u??

Y/N: I’m heading home cus I cant find u

Y/N: pls call me and tell me ur ok

Peter groaned. He quickly typed in a vague but somewhat explanatory answer, praying it would stop her from worrying.

Peter: I’m okay. Just had to take care of stuff!

Y/N: I’m almost home, r u sure ur okay??

The suit started to have difficulty clinging to the building so Peter decided to shove his phone back in his suit and leave. He couldn’t risk her seeing what he had done in her room. Thankfully, he wasn’t too far from her apartment, only a few blocks away.

After what seemed like an eternity, Peter finally reached the apartment building, his nerves wracked and fingers shaking. Shooting a small web onto the glass window of Y/N’s bedroom, he managed to slide the panel up, effectively slipping inside, eyes immediately landing on the giant web he had meticulously created for her. It spread from her bed to her desk like a gleaming trampoline, only much more delicate. The shiny white strings clung to each other, forming a large and uneven set of letters that spelled out the word he had planned to say out loud to her.

Prom?

He sighed loudly, removing the mask from his face, his hair messy and disheveled as usual. Passing a hand through it, he turned around to shut the bedroom door, but he stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes met Y/N’s.

They were wide with astonishment and shock, her lips slightly parted, expression completely blank.

Peter gasped, desperately gesturing towards the webs behind him.

“I can explain! I-“ he exclaimed, but she cut him off, taking a step forward.

“You’re Spiderman?” she almost shrieked and Peter’s finger immediately reached his lips in a shush signal.

“No one can know, Y/N!”

“You’re Spiderman?” she tried to say in a hushed tone, her voice wobbling a little. She couldn’t believe what she had just seen.

“Yeah. I’m Spiderman.”

“So that’s why you run off after school and you’re always really jumpy and nervous?” she inquired, eyes still wide open.

Peter’s heart stopped for a second.

“Well-um, that’s part of it,” he croaked.

“Peter, what’s going on?”

The boy looked at his friend, the girl he cared so much about. She seemed genuinely concerned, her brow furrowed as she gently contemplated him. He hated the thought that he was the cause of her worries, so taking a deep breath, he looked down at the ground, and finally, spoke.

“The truth is yes. I’m Spiderman, and I’ve been meaning to tell you that for a while, because I really care about you and you mean so much to me and I hated not telling you but I was afraid that you’d see me differently or that you’d think less of me, so then I talked to Ned about it and he told me I should tell you, and I wanted to, and I also really wanted to ask you to go to prom with me, so I thought I’d do both, because you’re amazing and you deserve the truth and you also deserve a great promposal but I didn’t know what to do so I figured I would do both at the same time, right?

“So then I did this and I was gonna walk you home and skip Calculus and I was gonna tell you once you saw the webs in your room but then at school, Tobias asked you, and I’m really happy for you, and I didn’t want to make you feel bad, so I came here and I was gonna clean it all up but you’re here too and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean for you to see this- I mean I did, but-“ he rambled on and on, unable to stop the words from spewing out of his mouth, only to be cut off by Y/N.

“-Peter, I said no. When Tobias asked me. I said no,” she said, her voice gentle and sincere.

Peter couldn’t believe his ears. Had he heard her correctly? His hands trembled a bit as he passed them through his hair yet again.

“What?” he asked, unsure.

“I mean, I said yes in front of his friends because I didn’t want him to feel bad in front of everyone, but I talked to him right after and told him no.”

“Wh-why would you do that?” Peter muttered, bewildered by her words. Why would she say no to Tobias Pierson?

“Because I don’t want to go to prom with him. I want to go with you,” she replied hesitantly, her cheeks filling with red as she bit her lip.

Y/N Y/L/N wanted to go to prom with him. He just couldn’t believe what was happening. He found the courage to look her straight in the eyes and the kind look she was sending him made his heart skip a beat.

“You do?” he whispered, unable to take his eyes off her.

Y/N giggled nervously, her arms tense with anticipation hiding behind her back as she shifted her weight.

“Are you kidding? I’ve been dropping hints for weeks!”

“You were? When?” Peter exclaimed.

“Um, like when I sent you pictures of prom dresses and asked you which ones you liked best. Or when I told you about how Marcus had just asked Jess and I told you it was really sweet and she was a lucky girl, and-“

“-those were hints?”

“Yes! Although, now that you mention it, obviously not very good ones.”

“Well, technically, your hard work paid off,” Peter said, a soft smile drawn on his lips as he gestured back at the large and shiny webs.

“I still can’t believe you’re Spiderman.”

Peter tried to suppress a frown before speaking again.

“How does that make you feel?”

“Peter, I don’t care if you’re Spiderman or Batman or Wonder Woman for that matter. You’re Peter. You’ll always be Peter to me. You’re the one who always makes me smile, the one who makes every day, no matter how terrible, so much better. You’re the person I care about the most. I’m just happy you felt like you could tell me.”

“Really?”

Y/N nodded with a grin, her beautiful eyes twinkling like they always did.

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that,” Peter said, breathing out for the first time in what seemed like ages. His heart felt light and airy, utter joy settling in his abdomen like warm tea. She cared about him too, and that simple fact sent a whirlwind of butterflies straight to his stomach.

“So, weren’t you going to ask me something?” she said playfully, her grin widening.

Peter laughed, suddenly remembering why he was in her room in the first place.

“Y/N, will you please go to prom with me?”

Y/N stepped closer to him, just inches away from the suited teenager, her gleaming eyes boring straight into his before lifting her body on the tips of her toes, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his crimson cheek and saying:

“I thought you’d never ask.”

A/N: I hope you guys liked it! feedback is always appreciated and feel free to reblog :)

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[underthedekutree]

Young Link might have PTSD - Part 2: Termina is NOT a Parallel World, Technically

This is a continuation of my last post so if you’re seeing this and haven’t read it, go here.

This is the part where I somewhat smoothly segue into Majora’s Mask. Link, lonely and filled with unprocessed trauma, leaves Hyrule in search of Navi. According to most sources (which take from Hyrule Historia probably? don’t quote me on it), Link falls down a hole into Termina, a parallel world to Hyrule, that contains many familiar looking denizens of Hyrule, but playing different roles. And well, if you probably guessed by the title, I have a rather different interpretation.

Okay, so in a nutshell my theory is that Termina is in fact all a dream, kind of like Koholint Island. Except the one dreaming up this world isn’t some deity like the Giants or Skull Kid or the Moon. It’s Link.

(big explainey hoo hah below)

Evidence 1: Link begins the game sleeping. Yes, I know literally every Zelda game begins this way and it’s a whole tradition thing. I am beginning with the weakest points first and working my way up to the strong ones. We’ll get there.

Evidence 2: The reuse of character and environment models from Ocarina of Time. The literal IRL reason for this is of course the game famously being given only one year of production time, which meant that the most practical method was to reuse as much material from MM’s predecessor as possible (eg. Romani Ranch sign is the Kakariko Village sign, and still says Kakariko Village on it). It seems like a rather offhand afterthought for Nintendo to chalk it all up to “oh its just a parallel world like Link to the Past or something. But think of it like this; when we dream, we often see familiar people from throughout our lives put in strange and unexpected situations, like that irritable old farmhand you hated so much is now a depressed circus master for some reason. Dreams don’t make sense. Things you know will mix with other strange inexplicable things, fleeting thoughts in your mind, all roughly tied together by whatever emotions you had been feeling when you went to bed. Malon is split into two people, Romani and Cremia, her older and younger self. This might reflect how Link feels about Malon, that she changed so much in those 7 years that she’s like a different person entirely, that it’s hard for him to process that they are the same, because the change was so shockingly sudden for him.

Evidence 3: Gorons in the snow, Gerudo by the sea. Yes, I know that sounds a lot like good evidence for a parallel world (that’s why the idea is widely accepted in the first place, it has merit), but it also works in as dream world evidence too. As a child, my family was obsessed with skiing. We would go to the same mountain every winter, and we would stay at the same lodge. It almost became like a second home for me. So much so, that one night I dreamed that my house had been replaced by the lodge, so it wasn’t on a snow-capped mountain, but in a bushy Australian suburb. Okay that kinda got off subject but I’m bad at conclusions so in summary Dreams Just Be Like That (tm). You get what I’m saying right? No? Sorry, let’s just move on.

Evidence 4: The Milk Bar. AKA my favourite location in the game! It’s often overlooked as the “haha funny they couldn’t put alcohol in kids game so its kiddy milk hee hee”, but it is actually a strong thematic pillar of Majora’s Mask. As I mentioned in Part 1, if you put a 9 year old in a 16 year old’s body and call him an adult before ripping that all away is probably going to leave the kid with an identity crisis. What is a mature place open at late hours when children are sleeping? A bar. What is a drink associated with the young, being produced for the purpose of helping children grow? Milk. No please don’t go I swear there’s more to this, stay with me. In order to gain access to the bar, Link must prove he is mature enough by wearing a mask, a disguise, like Adult Link is to Young Link. Being adult isn’t earned through years of natural living experience and mental development, it’s a thing you are given by adults to just BE when they deem you worthy, at least from how Link sees it. So that is the amalgamation of dream thoughts that is the Milk Bar. Is it mature? Is it childish? What is the line between the two? Is there one? It’s the culmination of his anxieties and confusions that he doesn’t know how to express. Another, smaller expression of this anxiety is the Clock Town Guards. When Link is a Deku, the guards say they don’t allow children outside the gates. When Link turns back however, the guard goes to stop him because he looks too young, but sees that he has a sword, and lets him pass. Why the sword? Well, in one way this is a callback to Kokiri Forest, where Mido doesn’t let Link see the Deku Tree until he has a sword. But also, what is the item that lets Link travel through time and become an adult in OOT? The Master Sword. Link seems to believe that adulthood is measured by the things you have, physical markers of maturity, which is how lots of children see adulthood. You’re an adult if you can drink, if you’re tall, if you’re married, if you have a house, a car etc. But in reality this isn’t how it works. Heck, I’m technically an adult but I sure as hell don’t feel like one, because I know I still have things to learn about responsibility, patience and all the other things, that can only come with time, which is the moral conclusion of OOT, but clearly Link missed the memo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some indicators to show he’s grown a bit. He can ride Epona, use the bow, do flips like some kind of acrobat etc. But those strange and confused feelings linger, and manifest in the young boy’s dreams.

Evidence 5: The four transformation masks. The four masks represent different aspects of Link’s self, and the way he grew and changed in OOT. Deku Scrub the Innocent, Goron the Confident, Zora the Mature and Fierce Deity the Hero. Link began only knowing the Kokiri Forest, and nothing of the world outside. As he set out on his journey, he grew more confident in his skills and defeated greater foes. When evil took over, he learned from his fatal mistake and worked to right it. And when it was finally time to face the greatest threat, he was ready, with all the heart pieces, bottles full of fairies, Biggoron Sword in hand. At that moment he struck the final blow he probably felt like the strong and unstoppable hero everyone in Hyrule told him he needed to be. And that feeling of pure uncompromising strength, with the whole world behind him, manifested in the Fierce Deity. Fierce Deity is much taller than Adult Link, and packs so much of a punch that he can beat Majora without batting an eye, like some overpowered Super Saiyan. It reminds me a lot of Undertale, with young Asriel becoming what he imagines to be an all-powerful godlike being, like something you’d see as a children’s drawing. Fierce Deity gives off those vibes, like “he has a HUGE SWORD that SHOOTS BEAMS OF LIGHT and he’s 8 FOOT TALL and CAN KILL ENEMIES IN A SINGLE BLOW!!” Before the final battle on the moon, when Majora gives you the mask, he childishly asks if you want to play a game of good guys and bad guys. And the good guy always wins, no matter what. Fierce Deity makes the final boss a cakewalk, but its supposed to.

Evidence 6: Anju and Kafei. Short one, because it falls a lot into everything else I’ve said regarding childhood vs adulthood. Kafei is effectively a switcheroo of what happened to Link in OOT. An adult shrunk back to childhood, uncomfortable in his new body and looking for a way to fix everything. He’s a reflection of how Link now kinda feels like an adult in a child’s body, because he had started to be used to being called an adult.

Evidence 7: The Moon. I haven’t super touched on the main meat of the game yet, so here it is. The moon and the 3 day mechanic is an allegory for constant mounting pressure, that builds and builds, never ceasing, because the world is in danger, and there’s only one person who has been chosen to save it. I’ve always been interested in the Chosen One narrative, and how different media explore the idea of the world’s very existence being pushed onto one person. How at the end of it all, they can never be the same again after all they’ve gone through. When you’re somehow expected to hold up the Moon itself single-handed, and your life and everything you care about suffers because you’re putting everyone else before yourself. That feeling of complete loneliness under a crushing weight, and although other characters may come to help you, in the end its still all down to you, and you never had a choice in any of it, as all the decisions were made by someone else. You must do what they tell you. Believe in yourself, believe...

Evidence 8: Skull Kid. The story goes that long ago in Termina, the Skull Kid and the Giants played together, until one day, the Giants left, leaving the Skull Kid alone and heartbroken, with nobody to turn to. As life moves on, things may change, and people always come and go from your life. Your friend might move overseas, or stop texting you, or you might fall out of friendship after an awkward event from which you could never recover (no, these have totally not all happened to me, shut up i’m fine), or your fairy companion might just disappear without so much as a goodbye after their task is complete. And it feels like you didn’t matter at all. That they never really cared about you, and you’re as easy to drop and move on from as a child’s toy. You might get angry, and want to shut them out, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Majora’s Mask teaches you that this isn’t the case. Life is ever changing, but you will always have the memories of times with your friends, and a chance to make more with new friends, like a sassy talkative fairy sprite and her shy brother or a child made of wood who wants to destroy the world. Friends come from unlikely places, so accept that change will happen and hope that wherever the people you knew are, they’re okay. You’re thinking about them, so they might be thinking about you too. And who knows? Life is unpredictable. They might just come back one day, and it’ll be like they were never gone.

Evidence 9 (the final one, I promise): The Song of Healing. At the end of all things, after losing ones you love, connections to family and friends, memories of things long past... you need time to heal. Link’s journey through Termina is a constant gauntlet of running into his own past traumas, forced to relive them again, and again, and again. But sometimes you should take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and take time to heal. Although it can be important to confront your fears and learn to surpass them, it is exhausting, and you can end up more emotionally broken than when you started. The three masks all had regrets of powerlessness; unable to protect your community, your loved ones, or even yourself. Troubles you’ve gone through that keep plaguing your mind, and you’re wondering if you’ve done enough, seeking answers where none can be found. And the best thing you can do... is accept and move on. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal. Link’s way of processing his grief and trauma is to create an entire hellscape world in his own head, but not everyone processes it the same way. Sometimes you feel like you need to busy yourself, or listen to soothing music, or talk to people you trust, or spend copious amounts of money, or make some angst art, or cuddle your plush toys until their stuffing squeezes out. Sometimes life hits you in the face and you want to blame yourself for standing in the firing line, but it’s not your fault. It’s okay to feel however you feel, whether you’re drenched in a pool of tears or you just feel numb, it’s okay and natural. You’re okay. You’re here.

Okay so it got kinda personal at the end there but I hope it was informative, and made you think a little bit differently about Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of Time. You probably want to go back and play them now. Me too.

So was this all just an excuse for me to gush about how cool Majora’s Mask is? Hell fucking yes it was. Congratulations for making it through my monstrous ramblings, you get the secret prize of looking at my weird art on my DA. Here you go. Have a nice day, Zelda Nerds.

[lovemesomesurveys]

A Random Survey Inspired By My Tweets Created by Guia from scyphozoan

1) How are you doing in this time of COVID19? Do you personally know anyone who is not taking COVID19 seriously? Well, now I’m a real hermit crab because I only leave the house literally once a month for my doctor appointments. Pre-Covid I spent most of my time at home, but I got out more compared to this. It’s been a stressful and scary time to say the least. However, a lot of people have been hit hard and seriously affected by this in different ways, so much more than me, and it’s heartbreaking. And yes, I have some cousins who aren’t taking it seriously at all. They’re still going out all the time, partying with large groups of people, and just going about life as normal. 

2) What do you think of TikTok? Have you jumped on it yet? Why or why not? I love TikTok. I don’t make them, but I watch a lot of it. There’s a real wholesome side to it that I really enjoy. 

3) What game have you gone back to playing or missed playing because of this time of self-quarantining? There hasn’t been any.

4) How internet-savvy are your parents? Can you think of time(s) when they surprised you with what they know (i.e. memes, platforms, emoji uses, etc.)? My dad has a Facebook, he browses and shops some online (though he often asks me to do it), and I think he watches YouTube, but that’s about it. He often asks my brother and I for help with something. In fact, I handle all his online billing for him. He’s not hip with memes and whatnot. I was surprised when he mentioned TikTok once haha. As for my mom, she’s a lot better at it. She has Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. She likes to spend a lot of time watching videos on Facebook. She likes sending Snaps to her friends. She texts a lot and uses emojis and Bitmojis and all that. She’s familiar with memes and whatnot. She does her own online billing and shopping. She only asks for help with something now and then.

5) What is your favorite foreign cuisine? What is your favorite food/dish from that cuisine? Italian. I’m a pasta gal. I used to really love Mongolian BBQ, Chinese, and Mexican, but not as much anymore because a lot of what I liked was spicy and I can’t eat spicy foods anymore. :( Mongolian BBQ was my absolute favorite, but I used to load it up with spicy stuff and sauces. I still eat Mexican and Chinese, but it’s not the same. I miss adding hot sauce and hot chili oil to everything.

6) What is an electronic gadget that you’ve had for more than 5 years? Would you say it was worth your money? Do you plan on replacing it any time soon? My laptop, phone, and TV are all less than 5 years old. I do want to upgrade my phone because it’s the XR and in tech world that is considered old.

7) What TV show would you say you’ve re-watched more than two times? Are you re-watching anything now? I’ve seen all of Roseanne (its original run, not the reboot) and The Golden Girls numerous times. I started to re-watch Sister Sister recently.

8) Do you remember the moment when you started feeling alarmed by the development of the COVID19? How did your life change since? Back in March when the lockdown stuff started happening. That’s when shit got real. Like I mentioned earlier, I don’t go anywhere now except for my once a month doctor appointments.

9) What viral video/meme last made you furious or annoyed? Hm. I can’t think of one at the moment that made me furious or annoyed.

10) When was the last time you woke up feeling pumped and determined to have a great day? How did that day unfold for you? Uhhhh. I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling like that to be perfectly honest. Certainly not in the last few years. I’ve just never been like a super optimistic, positive person. Well, not when it comes to myself anyway. I am for other people. I don’t know, man. I don’t wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day. It’s definitely been the worst the past few years with my severe lack of energy and motivation, but even before. I did used to have more energy and I actually had motivation once upon a time, but.. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Like, I didn’t set out to have a bad day, but I wasn’t so... gung-ho either. Now I’m just grumpy and moody.

11) Do you use e-mail a lot at work? If so, what are your biggest e-mail pet peeves? If not, what mundane task do you do on a regular basis at work and what do you dislike about it? I don’t have a job.

12) What hobby or interest of your significant other do you have ZERO interest in? What about something you actually think might be fun or something you actually picked up thanks to them? If you don’t have an SO, you can think of a relative or friend as an example instead. My dad is obsessed with sports, which I have zero interest in.

13) Do you use Uber? If so, how often do you use it or cabs in general? Have you ever had an awkward moment with a cab driver? I’ve only used Uber a few times and it was during my vacation at the start of this year. I’ve only taken a cab a few times as well. 

14) If you are employed, what would you say are the best and worst parts of your company’s culture. If you don’t work, what would you say is the busiest part of your day? I don’t have a busiest part of my day, I do nothing. 

15) What was the last craving you fulfilled? I had Wingstop for dinner and I got my white chocolate peppermint mocha from Starbucks as well, which I’ve had just about everyday since Starbucks released their holiday drinks. I’m obsessed.

16) Do you like stand-up comedy? Who are your favorites? When was the last time you remember discovering someone new that you actually liked? I find Kevin Hart to be funny.

17) Have you ever felt affected by the death of a celebrity or public figure? If so, who? Do you remember when you found out and what was your reaction to it? Yeah, there’s been a few. For example, Ryan Dunn’s death was crazy. I had been really into Jackass and the guys for a long time and it was just really sad.

18) What positive affirmation do you need to give yourself right now? Uhhh.

19) How often do you get headaches? What are usually the cause(s)? What are your go-to remedies for it? What was the worst headache you’ve ever had?  I get tension headaches a few times a month. I used to get them more often in high school. I can’t take aspirin and stuff like Advil and Ibuprofen don’t do shit for my headaches. Tylenol definitely doesn’t, which I don’t take anyway because it has acetaminophen and the pain medication I take regularly does as well and it’s not good to take too much of that. So, the only thing I can do is a cold washcloth over my eyes and sleep.

20) What was the last purchase you regret making? What about it that made it regrettable? How about the last purchase that you found absolutely worth your buck? The face masks I recently ordered because they’re way too thin. As for worthwhile purchases, I’ve done pretty well with my Christmas shopping. I’ve found good deals. And I just love buying gifts for my family, so that makes it worth it in itself.

[miniatureclover]

Faraway Wanderers Reading Blog: Chapters 01-05

First post of my attempt at the May 2020 Asian Readathon with Faraway Wanderers!

Just some highlights here, the rest is on my wordpress blog because my ramblings got long.

Chapter 1: Tian Chuang

The first sentences use a common motif in Chinese literature and art to set the scene: our story begins at the end of winter, bridging into spring – the time when plum blossoms are seen blooming in the snow. Plum blossoms have come to symbolize resilience and perseverance as one of three plants that still flourish in the dead of winter.

Despite the emperor’s reluctance to let the last of his old friends go, he allows Zhou Zishu to accept the last nail that will seal his fate. It really is a gory self-inflicted punishment, I mean, it’s best not to think too hard on the fact that the main character is running around with seven nails punctured into his chest. Yeah. Let’s just try to ignore that going forward (also, don’t ask how, suspension of disbelief activated haha).

When I read this chapter a few months ago, I didn’t pay the setting much mind, but looking back on it those plum blossoms really set the scene – marking both a beginning and an end, enduring hardship and adversity to blossom.

Chapter 2: Chance Encounter

A short explanation is in order. Most wuxia stories are more grounded in realism and centered around martial arts, but the whole internal force, meridians, and acupuncture points are also an integral part of many wuxia stories. The internal force distinguishes the average fighter from a skilled martial artist – by disrupting that flow of internal energy, a person can be paralyzed or crippled. That’s more or less how the wuxia genre has been since it was popularized by Jin Yong’s works.

After some exposition on how Zhou Zishu walked out of there alive when most figuratively drop dead on the spot, we are brought along his new journey outside the spying life to…creep around people’s properties, drink wine, and bask in his newfound freedom. He also does a really bad impression of a beggar, despite the looks, because he’s not actually looking for handouts therefore puzzling all the people on the street except for a certain man who correctly guesses that Zhou Zishu is merely sunbathing.

An introspective piece reveals a bit more about our MC: ambitious and arrogant in his youth, but at the end of all his efforts there really isn’t much to show for it. He pretty much gave up his youth in service to his country, and “…anything he ever owned had to become compensation for the acts he committed”. The overarching theme according to reviews is atonement for past deeds, and two chapters into the story there have already been two references to this sort of karmic retribution (the emperor being all alone after ascending to the throne being the other).

Chapter 3: Abandoned Shrine

In which we find out that Zhou Zishu is a bit of a child inside. More accurately, he’s a dying man with no fucks left to give, who wants to live out his final days enjoying life as he never had a chance to before. He’s a bit aimless, though, and flippant about death, even his own, which is only appropriate given his former occupation. Despite his childish way of provoking the fisherman for his entertainment and enjoying his newfound ability to curse whenever he wants to, he is naturally observant, picking up on the fact that the fisherman is likely hiding some shady business, otherwise he wouldn’t be so rude and scare off customers.

As is typical of these abandoned shrine sideplots, the three people are running from their pursuers – who are after the kid in the group, a kid who makes the impulsive decision to leap into battle like a suicidal lemming. Ah, youth.

Zhou Zishu thinks it a coincidence that he keeps running into the same people today, as this marks the third time he’s seeing the girl in purple who threatened to poison a guy who for all she knew was just a random beggar. Personally, I’d been kind of suspicious at this point but that’s just me.

Chapter 4: The Chivalrous

We really need to hit the names before this gets more confusing, but the girl in purple. Is she following an archetype so far? Yes, but I do love her flippant attitude and she can hold her own in a fight. Always stan kickass self-confident girls. She is definitely a prime example of ‘cool but maybe get far away before you get murdered on a whim’ kind of character though.

Anyways, Zhou Zishu was not looking for the start of an adventure, nor a babysitting gig, but it has come calling him in the form of a dying man’s plea to deliver the kid he’s escorting. And this is where it gets interesting. The fisherman tries to guilt trip him by pulling the ‘it’s for your descendants and reincarnation’ card.

I appreciate when characters have a belief system that matches the time period. It’s easy to force characters to adopt modern mindsets, but realistically most people raised and living in X culture for their whole life would share a similar set of values and beliefs. Even if the writer or reader doesn’t believe in reincarnation, the characters definitely would.

So, Zhou Zishu accepts the fisherman’s request and the man dies, at peace (and cursing him if he fails in his task lol). But then the girl in purple asks for his name and this awesome spymaster, master of disguise…gives her the name Zhou. Zhou Xu. Zhou Xu??? Hello, that’s 1) your real last name and 2) ‘xu’ is kinda similar to ‘shu’ (I think – I’m awful at Mandarin pronunciations so I could be misinterpreting). Anyway, what was he thinking?? I know that his real name was kept a secret all these years, but still. The girl already said her master knew he was suspicious.

Chapter 5: The Evils

Just a friendly reminder that Zhou Zishu is basically wandering around the world with a skintight mask on and nails embedded in his chest which cause him excruciating pain at night. Last chapter, we were also reminded that he basically has no internal energy left, which surprised Gu Xiang when he grabbed her wrist. In this chapter, we learn that he’s fading fast due to the nails acting up.

Also, slight spoiler: her master is the main love interest of the story, so the bit about him visiting an old lover to have a one night fling is actually kind of refreshing. A lot of stories make its main characters inexperienced in terms of romance and/or sex before getting together in the story, which is fine, except it’s so popular that it kind of sends an ick message. So, kudos.

In conclusion:

Zhou Zishu is not my favorite protagonist ever, but he doesn’t annoy me, and I like the theme of redemption for past deeds and his drive to leave his old life behind and atone for those sins to the point of severe personal harm. It’ll be interesting to see how this unfolds. And hopefully the next 5 chapters will have the main love interest in them lol.

[lokibug]

Blinded

Pairing: Loki x Blind!Reader

Summary: Beauty and the Beast AU in which Loki is forced to stay in his Jotun form until another human loves him. He becomes a caretaker for You due to be recently permanently blind.

Warnings: Slight cursing

Song: Haunt by Echoes

A/N: Wow Guys, I never expected this story to get this much appreciation. It’s really incredible, feel free to send me any suggestions or ask to be tagged. I did my best to get you all. Be reminded I’m writing this on mobile haha I also dont own the gifs

Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9| Part 10

This was unbelievable. From the moment they began searching, his daughter was incredibly picky with those she’s interviewed...or they were picky with her. Quickly Y/F/N stood to his feet.

“Excuse us...Mr. Laufeyson. My daughter and I must talk alone.” He interrupted quickly and ushered y/n up by her elbow.

Y/N grabbed the walking stick next to her and began putting it to use. Sliding it across the tiled floor they finally made it to the kitchen. Her father released his hand from her arm and whisper shouted, “Y/N, are you crazy?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Honey, I know you don’t have your sight so I’m telling you that this man looks insane. He’s wearing gloves. He has those doctor’s mask—“

“Surgical mask.”

“You know what I mean. And he has these things...like scars on his forehead...his skin doesn’t look...” he trailed off hoping that Loki wouldn’t hear anything as he resided in the living room.

“I get it now. Wow dad I can’t believe you’re being racist.” Y/N scoffed.

“Racist?! Y/N do you hear what I’m saying?”

“Yeah and it sounds pretty racist.” She places her hands on her hips. He shook his head and grabbed her arms.

“Listen to me, you don’t have to choose him right away. There could be more applicants.”

“Dad, no. I’m an adult now. If it wasn’t for my condition I would’ve already been gone. I’m not going to sit around and wait for someone to come around. I’m taking this in my own hands while I can.” His face softened a bit. His daughter was right, she was an adult and he could no longer shelter her. “Trust me...” she softly added a small smile appearing afterwards.

Loki shifted upon his heels as he glanced at the picture frames that littered on top of the fireplace. Photos of Y/N’s life captured into small papers. He never understood why humans did this.

I suppose anyone with the lifespan of an insect would take part in this, he thought to himself. He wondered what was so dangerous that a human could be doing to end up blind. Believing asking for help is a sign of weakness, he would soon learn the truth behind his own faulty thoughts.

Interrupting Loki’s gazing, y/n reentered the living room along side her father, “You’re hired, that is if you want the job.” Loki was slightly shocked, but not enough knowing that his words of persuasion were far superior to those around him.

“Infatuating. I accept.”

With the god accepting the job from y/n, they began the life adjustment right away. The movers had brought the few pieces of furniture from Y/N’s father’s home back into the condo that she had resided in before the incident and they brought the few things Loki had with him in the apartment that he was close to being evicted from. He allowed them to do the heavy work, gathering his belongings...all except the timer. A gold detailed hourglass that would lose tiny grains of black sand as days passed by. It now resided in the condo that he shared with y/n for a week now.

Y/N slowly walked out of her room. Upon waking up this morning, she decided she would begin familiarizing herself with the items that were in her home. Of course this was a few hours ago and she finally pulled herself out of her room. Testing herself she gently walked near the living room. Her breathing was a tad shaky due to her nerves acting up. Her lips parted she moved her hands onto the counter. Being unaware of Loki’s presence in the corner of the living room, she felt comfortable leaving herself on display. Her fingers grazed over a ceramic angel to an unlit candle. She chuckled happily as she remembered leaving these items here. Soon her fingertips touched something unfamiliar...it was cold...freezing even.

“What?...” she whispered making Loki look back up from the book he was reading. Due to being inside the home and the drapes closed, he too was on full display. His dark blue skin not covered by drug store makeup he felt more comfortable.

“Don’t touch that!” He growled, darting his red eyes towards y/n.

She yelped and quickly with drew her hand. “Loki!” She shouted angrily.

“You mortals are completely naive to the fact that you’re not the only ones who matter. Or have respect for other people’s belongings.” He grumbled now at her side. She furrowed her eyebrows, being extremely insulted.

“You mortals? And who are you to be talking to me like that? Do you even know how impolite it is to not announce yourself to a blind person?” She took her walking stick and guided herself towards the black wooden table. She leaned against it.

“Its an artifact....it...” he began trying to find ways to explain it, “it was a gift...from my mother.”

“All you had to say was to not touch it.” She said as if it were obvious.

“Yes...well then. Don’t touch it.” Loki shot back.

“Okay.” “Good.”

“Fine.” She spoke before sitting at the table. The chair was pretty tall and allowed her legs to rest gently as they hung. The two were both very stubborn and strong willed. Loki was beginning to understand this about her from their week together. He often found himself becoming irritated with the ways of mortals even now...the only different thing with her was that she too realized the faults in humanity. She knew that morals have fallen so far and knew that it was just the way of the world.

“Where to today?” He asked as he slowly slid the chair out next to her.

“Nowhere important. I was thinking some coffee.” She commented.

“Coffee?...I’ll never understand why you indulge yourself in such mundane tasks.” He added as he tapped his cold fingers on the table.

“Oh I’m sorry Mr. extravagant, let me go drive my car on the race track or I know I’ll go back to my art studio. Oh wait...” She leaned back and took her sunglasses off, placing them on the table as she pointed towards her eyes.

Loki’s eyes scanned the scar that ran down her eye and over the top of her cheek. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

“I’ve also noticed how you haven’t freaked out at my monstrous appearance.” He thought.

“Loki, can I ask you something?” Y/N announced.

“Depends.”

“My dad said that...you wore a surgical mask? Glasses too. I mean I know I don’t have the luxury anymore but...can you tell me what you look like?..” she nervously questioned. The curiosity was killing her, she desperately wanted to know what the man living in her condo looked like.

Loki was taken back a bit. He was used to her being so straight forward and snapped back at all his snarking comments. Yet, here she was looking almost child like...simply just to know what he looked like. There was only one problem, he was going to have to lie. Of course this was only slightly, he felt his true form was not this but what he used to be charmed as.

“I...well yes. I wear the mask and the glasses because I have a um...skin condition?” He said more like a question, “and if I get too much sun or light, it could damage it. As for my appearance, I’d say I’m pretty light skinned...due to the lack of sun. My hair is black, it does not pass my shoulders.”

Y/N nodded as she began using her incredible imagination to conjure him up in her mind. Sometimes she would find herself forgetting what things looked like, her doctors warned her of this. “What color are your eyes?” She asked simply.

“Green...sometimes they appear as blue. It depends.” He cleared his throat becoming too invested within his own thoughts. He completely dreaded his appearance. Looking in the mirror would disgust him and he would avoid it as much as he possibly could. He didn’t realize how much he cherished the illusion...till it was gone.

She laughed lightly, “Wow, you must be a charmer with the ladies.” She teased.

“I’m not interested.” He stayed calmly.

“Charmer with the men?” She questioned with her eyebrows raised.

“Gender isn’t the problem y/n. People are.” Loki stated, “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” He made note of his disappearance before he did so.

Y/N caught on to his disengagement within society. Taking much more notice to the tones he would use and the things in general, she knew there was a reason. Someone had corrupted his thinking, allowing it to affect the way he treated people. Y/N knew this because she felt the same.

The sun set and the streets roared. Tourists and workers walked amongst the two. Y/N had her hand gripped tightly among Loki’s elbow, keeping herself as close to him as possible. She would become uneasy while in the streets as this was all new to her. The God had as well, worried that anyone could discover his identity.

“Are we there yet?” Y/N asked. The wind blew through her hair and she mentally thanked herself for remembering to wear a coat on such a cold night. Her jeans were gray and her shirt black. Loki has picked out the boots she wore for her. They too were black.

“I think so, this voice in the box is saying that we have two streets to go.” He said as he held Y/N’s phone in his left gloves hand. He wore a gray wool trench coat with large black buttons along with casual black jeans fitted to his liking and a dark gray t shirt that he had fetched from a thrift store. As for his “disguise” he had Y/N to thank for that.

“Loki! Come here.” She had called out as she stood in front of her closet. Loki has just gotten dressed properly, he never gotten cold due to his jotun blood but wearing a coat would allow him to blend in easier. Making his way towards her room she stood there with a scarf in her hand. Y/N traced her fingers along the fabric.

“Loki?” She questioned making sure he was there. “Yes, I’m here.”

“The cafe is kind of bright, so I thought instead of a mask you might like a scarf? I mean I’m not sure what color this is...I’m almost positive it’s a scarf. I went through a phase where I used to wear them all the time.” She held her hand out as the scarf dangled. He grabbed it gently and didn’t exactly hate the idea. It was better than having to use that grimy makeup he bought.

“...Thanks.” He said softly a little confused as to why she would still help him despite his attitude. He was quite cold, but it never changed her attitude as much.

“Also, I have this hat. I used to wear it a lot too. I’m not sure why I stopped. If memory serves right, it’s right up there. I can’t reach it so maybe you could.” She moved aside from the closet’s entrance.

Loki stepped forward and looked up. There were a few hats in there. One stood out. It was black and looked it would cover his forehead. Immediately he grabbed it effortlessly.

“Black?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“It’s already sun down, but it still helps the...condition. I um...”

“You’re welcome.” She finished for him.

“One more thing, choose my shoes?”

“It’s a phone.” Y/N replied and chuckled lightly. Loki tolled his eyes. In response.

“Just for your information, I’m rolling my eyes.”

“Don’t do it so much, they might fall out.” She commented and held her hand over her mouth gently as she chuckled again.

Loki allowed himself a smirk.

Looking as if they might rob the place, Loki held the door to the cafe open for Y/N. The familiar scent filled up y/n’s nostrils and she smiled widely. Suddenly she felt Loki’s strong gloved hand wrap around her arm, specifically her elbow. “There’s a few tables by a window...and some closer to the stage...which would you prefer?” He asked leaning down a tad to speak quietly into her ear. His voice still was very easy sounding and made her feel a bit calmer.

“Umm...the stage? It’s a little more dim there.” She suggested and Loki nodded in response.

“Okay.” He walked her slowly over towards the maroon colored couch in the stage area. There were a few comfortable looking chairs and stools around. He had no idea what this was supposed to be. He was even more confused than before. Loki allowed Y/N to sit first then sat next to her. Seeing as though some people stared at him, and others completely seemed as if he hadn’t existed at all...he felt a tad more comfortable than his past times being out of his room.

“Y/N, What is this?” He questioned in a serious tone.

Y/N chuckled lightly, “You’ll see.”

A waitress had come by and asked what they wanted to drink. Loki simply ordered tea and Y/N ordered a coffee.

Not too long after, people began sitting closer. Loki’s eyes immediately scanned across the cafe wondering what was to begin. Nothing. That was when a woman in about her 20s littered in tattoos and piercings sat next to Loki.

“I totally dig your vampire aesthetic dude.” She stared before flipping through her notes on her phone.

“I beg your pardon?” He asked while the girl hadn’t responded. Y/N’s hearing being far better than it used to be, she chuckled hearing the comment.

“Did you wear all black again?” Y/N whispered towards Loki. He glanced down at his appearance and said nothing. “I’ll take your silence as a yes.” As the spot light shone down on the stage, the waitress came back with their drinks. Y/N quietly thanked her and held the warm cup in her hands. Loki did the same. Suddenly a man in about his late 20s approached the stage with a piece of paper in his hands.

“Thank you all for coming.” He said kindly. With that everyone including Y/N either shouted a small “wooo” or snapped their fingers. “My depression is a demon underneath my bed...disguised as a friend...” he trailed on. Slam poetry.

After hearing more, Loki started recognizing these speeches as a form of poetry. He was familiar with Earth’s ancient poets but was never introduced to such a raw form of poetry before, and directly from the poet’s mouth. Much to his surprise, after putting his pride aside...he found himself looking forward to the next performance and the next. These midgardians look so different...Loki thought to himself, yet despite that everyone casts their attention towards the speaker. This was definitely new to the God.

Upon hearing the last performance, Y/N felt the feeling in the woman’s voice. The power. The radiance. Not realizing it, as she clapped along with others a single tear ran down her cheek. Loki looked to his side and seen the tear leak from behind Y/N’s sunglasses. She really did take this seriously. Passionate even. He studied her face for a few seconds before looking in the opposite direction.

Walking home was relaxing. The wind blew gently and the two only exchanged a few words as they both enjoyed the sound of silence. It was comfortable. Soon they arrived home.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” She asked placing her hand on the counter to steady herself.

“What was that?” Loki asked curiously.

“Slam poetry.” “Oh.” He said silently as he took off the scarf and hat.

“I thought you’d might like it...I could hear you sometimes.” She commented.

Loki arched an eyebrow and asked, “Hear me?”

“Yeah, you sometimes read out loud...poems. I thought you’d might enjoy this.”

Loki felt his heart thud feeling slightly embarrassed. Vulnerable even. Had she really done this for him? He blinked a few times. He said nothing.

“Loki?”

“It’s not very polite to eavesdrop y/n. Goodnight.” He stated before walking off towards his room leaving y/n to believe that the God was no more than cold man.

Loki taglist: @drakesfiance @sunflqweroses @bambamwolf87 @pandaqua @bonelessbarnes @dorkybryan @hunter-demigod-timelord @thatmemequeen @powerstrangerdacre @barnes-infinity-bucky Story Taglist: @mrssangsterstylesxavier @slender—spirit @awkward-silence-turtle @vxidnik @fandoms-allovertheplace @limedane21 @yourpotatotwiceremooved @crazyweirdgeekthatneedstochill @ajduurikscjsja @kiwigrease @fireismysaftey @nhievyenne @bambi-loki @bilesxbilinskixlahey @jessiejunebug @imarockstar45 @fuckthatfeeling @the-deity-ofthe-cosmos @ficnalunaus @chibiyanai @zarizha @mell-bell @blueskiesbleakeyes @moonfaery @always-kneel-to-loki @graveyardchild @some-person-somewhere @nutmeg3-7 @aljadams369 @marvelc00kie35 @harleykittykat @lokis-little-kitten @sergeantmistress @sparkling-liability @vicksaturn @youveseen--thebutcher @wickedscorpio22 @zeddlocket @sheeraverage @trenchcoatdevilsworld @wishrains @lokilover5813 @deadmanwalked Permanent Taglist: @marvelismylifffe @libbymouse

[humblesweetpotato]

Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called. (Also titled no vocations are "secular")

It is commonplace to describe our work secular. But i guess i carry a very different view on this.

I don't believe that work is secular because God has called each and every one of mankind, particularly His children, to an area of service in this world. Work was ordained before the fall of man in Genesis. And through the area of service we are provided for materially and spiritually.

Income is provided, rather than earned

Provided for because we don't actually earn our own keep. Yes there is definitely a principle where we work in order to get something to feed ourselves. After all, the ant gathereth her food. But how much we get is divine provision.

The ant could plan and use all the abilities that hath been given to it to find food. But how much it ultimately can gather is not within her control. It can only do it's best to get to point X. It may find that 1 only one grain of rice has dropped from the table. Or it could find 3.

The hotel owner in 2019 could have opened a hotel in NYC expecting huge crowds in 2020 because economy has grown well (at least on paper) in 2019, expecting 3 grains of rice. But actual economic conditions are out of an individual's control. Come 2020 and coronavirus virus happened and none of the plans came to fruition. Therefore he found less than one grain of rice.

Ok come closer to the Bible let's speak of farming -- the most traditional of all jobs. He could till the grounds, but he knows that weather conditions are out of his control. If it's too wet or too dry crops wouldn't be optimal. But if it's just right crops would be optimal. He could spray pesticides but if a new strain of pests emerged he would still get suboptimal number of grains of rice.

Back to businesses. A sells umbrella and B sells sunglasses. Both are dependent on conditions beyond their control. On rainy days A gets 3 grains of rice while B gets 1; vice versa on sunny days.

Now to an investor who diligently studies the markets and economy and makes investments. If he invests in tourism expecting it to be grow in the near future and all of a sudden there's a pandemic and behold the tourism doesn't make money the investor makes losses. If he invests in a mask manufacturer instead he makes a gain. Back when he made the investment he probably didn't expect a pandemic (Black Swan event).

//

Long time ago i heard of a phrase called 天时地利人和. It means that all the uncontrollable factors come together to bring about a fruitful event. And then i thought about it -- this is just another term for God's will. God sovereignly ordered all the events beyond our control to bring about our current situation.

Who's in control of the vibration of every atom in this world? -- God. By Him all things consist. He holds the world together.

By this train of thought, our income, how much the economic conditions are willing to pay us, are determined and provided by God Himself.

But i guess that only explains why i think that income is God's provision and not earned per se by us; it doesn't explain why i think that work is not secular.

Why work is not secular

So i mentioned earlier that God has appointed an area of service for each and every one of us.

We are given talents to serve others. And our talents are part of what determines our area of service. The opportunities and talents we have are sovereignly given by God as well.

There are some called to be farmers, to till the land and offer food for the community. Some called to be doctors to offer medical skills to the community. Some called to be teachers to offer education to the community. Some called to be cooks, construction workers, cleaners, bankers, admin clerks, money managers, accountants, drivers, innkeepers... the list goes on. The list includes fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, grandparents. Each of these vocations (including family roles) is given an opportunity x talent to bless the community with. God blesses His people, frequently through other people as well.

Technically this community would work in original barter trading as well. Ideally God's community would share their resources for free. Like in Acts when the people were saved and the church first formed, the people pooled their possessions together and distributed to those who needed accordingly. So farmers and cooks would share their food, doctors share their medical knowledge. The community would still function.

But instead economic conditions have called for goods and services to be provided in exchange for money to facilitate a greater and faster economic/capital flow. It's more practical. And these economic conditions (through demand and supply and scarcity -- factors uncontrollable except by God) would determine the quantum of money that would be accorded to each vocation.

Therefore, every vocation is a divine calling for us to serve and bless others with. Rather than the purpose of simply earning our own keep and feeding ourselves. Each of us are given a unique opportunity x talent such that God can put us in our current positions (i.e. 天时地利人和，带来了我们的今天）.

The calling to be an employer/employee is just as much as we are called to be fathers/mothers/children/husbands/wives. It's just as much as christians are called to be pastors/missionaries/teachers/musicians/doorkeepers/helps etc in the church context. Our work at work is to be taken as seriously as the work we are called to do in church and vice versa (the former for ppl who think that church work is more important than work work; the latter for ppl who think that work work is more important than church work haha).

Every task God gives to us is to be accorded with the same level of prayer and seriousness and preparation.

Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. - Ecclesiastes 9:10

And every task includes even volunteer work, the help we offer our friends and family.

We therefore ought to seek God's will prayerfully as we think about taking up employment and other tasks, especially those that will take up a lot of time (whether we will have sufficient time x energy x resources to see them through to the end responsibly and accountably).

//

Maybe the following argument is clearer in supporting that work is not secular, where the Bible says that work is to be done as unto the Lord:

Ephesians 6:5-8 KJV

[5] Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; [6] Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; [7] With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: [8] Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.

//

P.S. Note that not all professions are vocations that God has called us to. Some exist because of man's sinful demand for sin. I believe that includes a large part of the entertainment industry today.

Praying for your work/business/vocation

Some people mentioned to me that it's strange to pray for secular businesses or investments.

But i just thought that if farmers used to pray for rain, maybe it would make sense for an investor to pray for provision through all these uncontrollable weather and economic conditions as well. And for other professions accordingly. Perhaps to bear in mind to pray for daily bread, and not out of covetousness.

And to conclude...

Haha i wrote this in hope that the work that God has called us to can be viewed higher than how it is commonly seen today. It's not "secular", and our lives ought not to be compartmentalised. That's why God's Word is fully applicable to the workplace.

A side note on "compromise" by christian leaders in politics

Perhaps some might wonder if it makes sense for a christian in the government to legalise things like prostitution or casinos.

Hmm my stand is this:

King Solomon asked God for wisdom to judge his people

And God said to Solomon, Because this was in thine heart, and thou hast not asked riches, wealth, or honour, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life; but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyself, that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king - 2 Chron 1:11

The Bible also said be wise as serpents. And God also gave the people over to their sin when they insisted in it and refused to repent.

So I guess in ruling over sinful people, one can only make the best possible option when people are unrepentant and continue in their sins. And the best option in this case is to legalise and regulate. (maybe this is how we arrived at today's film rating system.)

Nevertheless, the christian leader still makes his/her stand clear on moral ethics so that his people will know the testimony their leader bears.

[thurisazsalail]

God that's awful. My aunts house was like that. Even as kids, we could barely move from room to room. Looking back, we always had bins or bags of "stuff" to treasure hunt through... because she kept Everything. She CAN'T throw out an egg carton! She can sew it into a mini garbage can! She has like five but why throw them out?! Syrup bottles everywhere. Sometimes with houseplants in them. @salted-cushions I feel for you. Throw it the fuck out. I hate how painful and distressed the hoarder feels but you also deserve to have your space, too. I love goggles and thick masks for this at all times. Also long sleeved shirts and dish gloves. I've had lung infections from de-hoarding people's stuff.

--------

If anyone needs some help on the beginning steps on de-hoarding, there are lots of free licensed psychs who talk about thenpsychology of different kinds of hoarders on Instagram and what you can do to make it better and not worse.

I have managed the "hoarding syndrome" so prevalent in my adhd-dominant, poverty-line-for-generations family by having due dates for different rooms or types of clutter on task managers. I use TickTick. There's a free version that allows photos.

Some things I've learned in managing hoarding impulses and cleaning actual hoarder houses like you see on TV:

if it's stuff i dont use but feel bad about landfilling, is it actually clean and useful? I have a short list of local orgs and charities, like art groups, decor for relocated domestic violence survivors, and animal shelters, that want all kinds of things. Old newspapers, old towels and washcloths (as long as they're not oily), sheets, frames, cookware, and for art... Everything. The charity list has the name, number, address, and a short list of things each wants. I have a NEARBY date to get as MUCH AS I CAN into some boxes (free, from walmart or something) and then OUT IT GOES. not full? No exceptions! I can get another box! Some places do pickup! I don't feel as bad if it goes to my community, as opposed to goodwill or a landfill. More likely to give freely, in fact. Community is often important to hoarders, and they lack it and suffer isolation.

Everything else? If it's super important, and paper, scan and burn. Email it to myself if needed for backup, like 10yr old medical records. Re-eval. Do you REALLY need it? Can you get another easily? You might have to prove it to yourself, same as body dysmorphia gets destroyed slowly by recording facts and photos. Google search the replacement cost of that item or similar. Save the screenshot.

Is it dirty, mouldy, damaged, or insect-infested? Bin or burn! We have friends with a firepit outside, so there's "free fire" whereas a lot of houses, you can't have trees in the yard and have storm insurance here. So no wood unless you buy it. We burn if we can. Good opportunity for fire baked potatoes. But really just bin it. Do NOT save for "one day in the future in two months" when you can do that. You will get more in two months.

Some of hoarding is not being able to decide. Like, you decided you like this thing or could use this thing. But now I'm paralyzed at the thought of actually using it. Put it aside. Get distracted by New thing. This won't be like last time! .... haha, ok, now I have three drawers of fabric dating back 20 years. I donated over 5 storage bins of craft supplies to charity. They move from bins to drawers to shelves to boxes... but never Become Anything.

This year, I have new meds for a different thing but they are also used for ADD. And finally... it's like the paralysis is gone. I'm not dopamine-fueled into buying more. I have a weekly goal of ONE project finished to post on IG. Sometimes therapy, psychiatry, and actual meds at low doses really do help. They don't even have to be permanent. I have a child's size dose of stimulants which helps my heart and CNS from dysautonomia, but it also fixed the brain fog and compulsive "ooooh beautiful...." followed by Stuff stacking up under benches, the couch, falling out of my closet if I opened it...

Now I'm going through everything we own and thinking "My husband wouldn't buy this. .... did I buy this? ... did I? When?!" Repeat process above. After talking with my psych and therapist, a LOT of people with "hoarding tendencies" who aren't at hoarder status YET have physical and mental issues. Ones that WOULD be somewhat fixable IF someone took care of them earlier and gave proper ongoing support. Most are deeply lonely and traumatized. Some have dopamine or other issues, compulsory issues. Some are physically prevented from getting around independently, so their world is their stuff.

Reclaim your space. Be firm. You deserve your life and space, regardless of whether you're the one doing the hoarding or the one living with one. Be kind and patient but also be firm.

I believe in your worth.

I and a friend are Convinced we've seen this post from you, but we can't find it anywhere. Did Tumblr eat it or is it someone else's? It taught me some shit about myself lol. It went something like "In every neurodivergent couple, one person hoards everything because What If Disaster Strikes And I Need It, while the other throws everything away because What If Disaster Strikes And I Need To Fit All My Belongings In A Single Duffle To Flee"

I do not recall making that post (that's just two of several million ways neurodiverse people cope with the PTSD you get growing up crazy) but I might have commented on it about how to pack a small bag with everything you might need on a given day?

[jnfsavellon]

Quarantine Life, Alright.

(Selfie file photo, April 7, 2020)

April 8, 2020 - It's barely two weeks into the enhanced community quarantine (ECQ) in Cebu City since the Mayor's declaration last March 27 but the changes were drastic which I will describe in the later paragraphs.

To name one is the near-zero traffic congestion comprising mostly of private cars, shuttle services for front liners and employees exempted from the "lockdown."

Our neighborhood here in Sitio Colveta II was peaceful. I can drive my car with ease. I'm my mother's chauffeur while I'm on paid leave - Yeah, Big Head's waiting for a reallocation because my clients won't let me work from home - my route is from home to Barangay Bulacao's Health Center and Birthing Center and back home. At times we're having stops at the grocery stores to stock up our inventory; we're not hoarding, just stocking up.

I could remember Mother spoke that such smooth traffic reminded her of the 80s to 90s roads where everyone was just walking around with lesser people and vehicles roaming around the streets. She said that traffic became worse during the 2000s, but yeah that was it.

I even told her that I could hear our parish the Archdiocesan Shrine of San Roque's bells ringing at 8:00 pm. The church is 600 meters away from home.

Safety and health was a top priority at this time. I've got to credit to Station 11's regular roving rounds in the neighborhood. Neighbors have been called out by police due to the former's hard-headedness because they're still going out of their respective houses at this period. The officers usually use their megaphones to call them out, but there was one time that they've had enough. One officer came out of the patrol car to warn them of their stubbornness. I share the same sentiments with the police on this part. The quarantine period is for everyone's well-being, and there are still stubborn people outside.

(File photo, April 7, 2020)

I shared a post of a former photojournalist that captured a photo of a congested Tabada Public Market. No crowd control. Just significant foot traffic that makes you itch to the bone. The good thing on the next day, the LGU and local police set up a post on the entrance/exits to ensure that people are following protocol such as wearing face masks and quarantine pass.

People just have to be aware that this coronavirus disease (COVID-19) pandemic isn't just the seasonal flu where you could just have some home treatment to get rid of it. It's a new strain that eats out your organs most especially the lungs potentially leading to pneumonia. Once you have it, you'll be isolated away from your loved ones. You'll be met with front liners in PPE spacesuits whom you can't distinguish who's who because they are covered from head to foot. These came from the words of veteran journalist Howie Severino, COVID patient #2828 and now a survivor.

PET PEEVES!!

Speaking of pet peeves, I'm just bothered with some situations whenever I'm out in public to run a few errands: citizens, whether supermarket employees or customers are wearing their face masks improperly. They're wearing it covering just the nose. Worse is that some even take it off and hang it under their chin. Clothe masks have the least protection we can have compared to the N95 counterparts. People just need to be reminded of this.

Another thing is the long lines in the groceries and the padala centers and public market. They are essential, but the inconsistent practice of social distancing is just disturbing to see. I remembered one time I was at Shopwise with my mother, and there's this customer behind me who just keeps getting closer and closer while I was trying to distance myself. I couldn't blame myself because this crap has been giving me anxiety since the disease's spread, and I'm not buying this to catch it.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

Nevertheless, Mr. Severino's recovery story gives us hope that we shouldn't feel lonely during these tough times. He made sure to keep in touch with loved ones through video chatting. Do you what you gotta do to make yourself safe and productive. This was my point in Episode 08 ("Do What You Gotta Do, Citizens of Earth) of the Jump Shot Podcast.

I'm happy to be with my family at these times. I feel that there's safety here at home. I'm out of that paranoia I felt while I was traveling to work and going back home. Every time I went home, I was irritated and exhausted. During that weekend I broke down while I was on a call with Charrie, realizing that my mental well-being was shaky because of that ordeal.

But still, I figured out that I should stay at home. Then here I am writing. I still have enough funds to sustain our daily needs. I'm maximizing my time staying healthy and spending time on my pastimes.

I'm doing my home workouts together with my brother at least thrice a week. We have this exercise mat, a homemade 10-pound dumbbell, and a 20-pound barbel, and tons of health and wellness videos you can find on YouTube. It may seem nothing compared to going out to a gym or playing basketball, but something is better than nothing.

(Taco Monday!!!! April 6th)

We're continuing with our healthy diets of boiled egg, canned tuna or sardines, sometimes there's tacos and shawarma wraps filled with seasoned ground pork, cucumber, white onions, tomatoes, and a variety of sauces like sriracha, ketchup, mayonnaise, and hot sauce - our mother's best home cook meal (haha).

Also I'm focusing on some of my skills like Photoshop and audio editing. We're producing the most podcast content right now compared to December to February (haha).

Charrie is catching up with Photoshop as well. She's doing some editing as I've been tasking her to do graphics like the shirt and product designing and creating a sample logo for a possible business hopefully we can concretize it soon.

(Our second to the last coffee night out at Starbucks IT Park, March 14th)

It's been two weeks since we saw each other. We're currently in a long-distance mode right now. Yeah LDR, although Liloan is just 25 km away, the border lockdown is inevitable. So we've got to stick to online communication - it's reminding us of the humble beginnings of our relationship haha. But yeah, we've got some catching up to do after this crap.

(After the Holy Mass live streaming, March 21, 2020)

Meanwhile we've organized the parish's social media team, under Fr. Carmelo Diola's guidance, to continue serving. We're live-streaming the daily Holy Masses while increasing our reach as much as possible. We've also had catechetical-recollections. This way we can serve to have the people sustain their spiritual nourishment. It's just fulfilling to serve once again after many years as an altar server. It's good to be back in my old parish nevertheless. Check our Facebook page.

FINAL THOUGHTS

At this time there are still over 43,000 persons under monitoring (PUMs), and it's still early to call off the ECQ. I do hope Governor Gwen Garcia and Mayor Edgar Labella would consider an extension while strengthening the safety and weakening the virus' spread. I just hope there would be enough supplies for each family especially the ones who are relying on their jobs that were stopped due to implementation of the Executive Orders except for the front liners and other exempted industries.

There are complaints that there are local government units (LGUs) having delayed deliveries the relief goods from house to house especially in our barangay. Mother has had phone call duties as well, answering complaints of other citizens. The barangays lack manpower I've learned. I'm not sure what the real reason for the delays. On one side I believe that the LGUs are doing their best to deliver it - in Barangay Mambaling, there are 8,000 households. On the other people are starving as they are relying on jobs that were forced to stop as what I've mentioned.

I hope they would sort that out while we are quarantining. After all at the end of the day we just want to have peace and order. We just need some patience I guess.

Going back let me sum up my thoughts: (1) Health is a top priority; (2) SOCIAL DISTANCING please, (3) Let's pray for this pandemic to end, (4) Be a better citizen, stay disciplined, (4) Catch up with loved ones, (5) Keep busy, make your day productive.

I guess that's it for now.

Stay safe.

- James