#“Embracing the shittyness”

[fuckwhoeverpickedallthefunnyurls]

Just witnessed my school's principal, who is like almost two metres tall and can be quite intimidating, lecture a fifth grader and their height difference was almost comical.

Artistic rendition:

[rosethreeart]

If you still want to write, maybe Delaware reacting to his newest sibling after himself?

I'm a bit rusty so forgive the shittyness of it :')

This was a bit of a struggle ngl, but I hope I sorta captured to vibe correctly at least LMAO

Anyways i've been playing with a few different ideas/reasons to have DE be at least a little older then the rest of the 13, and this felt like a good excuse to explore that a bit :}

Baby isn't really named but its PA :D

I also have some thoughts about Ned and Del that I didn't really get the chance to delve into but Ned is the Kind Tall Man that gets mentioned once in the beginning of it LMAO

Anyways hope you enjoy!

Delaware was unsure of what to conclude about this odd little bundle that his mother and the Kind Tall Man seemed to be constantly fussing over. He didn’t understand the appeal of the wailing or the squirming or the occasional..stench from the little creature. He didn’t really understand the lack of attention aimed towards him.He most certainly didn’t understand the impact that it will leave on his life hence for either.

So he stared, eyebrows furrowed in the grumpiest manner a little toddler could manage behind the door to his mother’s bedroom.

His mother, Abigail, not even turning her attention from the babe must have sensed his presence and called out to him. “You needn’t stand in the doorway, my dearest. What ails you into having such an expression, hmm?” She said as she gestured towards him to come and join her in an embrace. 

Slowly he made his way up towards the bed, his eyes hardly ever leaving the bundle, and into the warmth of his mother’s arms.

“I don’t understand,” He pouted.

“Oh, is that so?” She asked.

He felt an odd urge to poke the rosy-cheeked creature occupying the other arm of his mother, “I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. It can’t even do much. I mean, why not get a dog? At least those can fetch.”

Abigail failed to suppress a laugh, “She’s a babe, of course she can’t do much. She’ll grow one day and be as strong and capable as you.  You yourself were the same way once too, you know,” she said as she pinched his cheek.

The look of shock and disbelief and, dare she even say, offense and horror that graced her son’s face was a look that she knew would humor her for ages to come.

“I was not!”

“Oh I'm afraid so, little one!”

Delaware slouched, pausing for a moment. 

“Will she be able to play with me?” His mind quickly shifting, obviously setting its priorities straight.

“Only if you let her.” His mother jested.

He giggled.

Delaware looked back at the babe, meeting her dark gray eyes. She smiled at him and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of warmth.

“Mom?”

“Duckling?”

He shifted uncomfortably, knowing his question would be selfish and embarrassing even at such a young age, “Will she…will she always take up so much of your time?’

Abigail gently lifted her son’s chin, waiting for his wide blue-green eyes to meet hers, “Babies tend to take a lot of time and care, little one. They’re fragile little things. They need quite a bit of attention. But no, she won’t, I can promise you that. I do apologize if I’ve made you feel as if that isn’t the case.”

Delaware wrinkled his nose, “Oh. It’s okay.”

 Abigail couldn't help but feel guilt.

“Would you like to hold her?” She asked him.

Delaware looked at his mother. Then the baby. Then his mother once more. He supposed he could try to understand what the fuss was all about. Tentatively, he outstretched his arms and carefully watched as his mother placed the little thing in them. 

Carefully, oh so carefully, she adjusted his grip, “And there. Do you want me to keep holding her with you or do you think you got it?”

Delaware would have answered his mother had he not been too focused on the little bundle of joy currently resting in his arms. The baby was a lot warmer and heavier than he thought it would be. He took closer note of her tufts of black hair clung to her face, the way she seemed to squirm and settle comfortably into his very stiff arms, how her grouchy attitude from being moved shifted into joy at the sight of being in her brother’s embrace.  

He had to admit. He was starting to understand the fuss, and dare he even say, enjoy it. He didn’t even notice his mother moving her arms from under his, or her pulling him closer to her chest. The two, no, three sat there in comfortable silence. 

“So, what do you think?” his mother whispered, “like being a big brother yet?”

Delaware furrowed his brows in thought, “what does being a big brother even mean?”

“Well, mine always said it means that he was the boss and that he got dibs on everything.”

Delaware snorted, “Uncle Matthew is quite silly.”

“Oh he’s very silly, indeed.” Abigail said, “You know what else he is?”

Her son shook his head in confusion.

“He,” she said, booping the little boy on the nose, “ is also very protective, and always made sure to be there for me when I needed him.”

She didn’t need to mention the fact that they were, technically, at opposing sides of a war and hardly ever spoke during those years or a good amount before.

She watched as her son’s adoring eyes turned back towards his sibling, as he gently curled around her. She could practically see the thoughts racing through the young one’s mind. 

“You think I’d be a good big brother?” He asked, turning to her, starry eyed and filled with hope. 

“I think you’d be a wonderful one.” She said, kissing him on top of his head.

Delaware was still unsure of what exactly to make of the little one, but what he did know was that he loved her. 

He was going to be the best big brother.

[rubynationwins]

Touch Me

Random late night drabble (Just a lot of angst oops):

It’s hard.

To want so badly to reach out and touch someone who’s only inches away. To wrap them up in your arms and vice versa without being able to. It’s hard to want him to touch you. To hold you.

You don’t know when it started, but you couldn’t stop the desire for him to envelop you in his strong arms like they’re a safe haven from the shittyness of the world. All you could do was crave his embrace and avoid his gaze lest it gave away your desires.

It felt wrong, to crave what didn’t belong to you. You knew there was no way he ever would, he wasn’t interested in that type of intimacy with anyone, and certainly not with you of all people.

You could just imagine his shocked reaction if you were to come up behind him and hug him to you, he’d probably jump away and never look at you again. But it’s all you can think about; his touch, his warmth, his embrace. You’d gotten a hint of it months ago, when he’d been so tired from his sleepless terror filled nights that he pulled you into his arms and kept you there all night. You’d just been sitting beside him on the couch in your room talking about nothing when he’d rested his head on your shoulder, his metal arm wrapped around your soft middle and pulled you into him. He’d nuzzled into your neck, inhaling your scent, and the next thing you knew, he was sound asleep with you in his arms. You were shocked but didn’t do anything. It felt nice, to bask in his sweet embrace.

Maybe that was when this overwhelming need for his touch took over. You didn’t know what to do so you drew back instead, thinking it was the best way to respect his supposed boundaries and keep yourself from pouncing on him.

But it was so hard to avoid his touch. The fleeting grazes of your hands when in close proximity and the hand to hand combat training in the gym set your neurons aflame. If anything, they worsened your longing for the actual pressure of his body against yours.

All you could do though was keep moving forward, try to forget the heat of his fingers on your wrist or his thighs on either side of your hips when he pinned you in a match. You couldn’t help the shiver that ran down your spine at that last memory.

No.

You would stay strong, you didn’t need anyone, let alone the simple presence of a certain super soldier. Your couldn’t rely on people, they left you, the disappointed you, they betrayed you. If he did any of those you’d crumble into a thousand touch starved pieces. So that’s why you couldn’t be near him, no matter how much you wanted to leap into his arms. Sometimes, when you caught his eyes on you when you weren’t paying attention you got some hope. But your realistic self stomped it out. You can’t rely on anyone besides yourself. You couldn’t expect him to reciprocate any of your desires, so you didn’t.

So you’d stay that way. Wrestling with an embrace that would never come. That’s just the way it had to be.

A/N: I wrote this all in 1 sitting & am posting it w/o any editing. Don’t expect a part 2 bc there almost definitely won’t be one (sry?) I just wanted to drop some random angst b4 going to bed😋 so goodnight!

[poorlydrawntazcomics]

Griffin, grant me cheese!

[speedywithadhd]

embrace the shittyness!!! That's what I did! They are so messy

I painted my nails black and red :D

[sfb123]

Sapere Aude - Part 9

Book: The Royal Heir

Pairing: King Liam Rys x Queen Riley Brooks

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Catch Up Here

Series Description: I developed a theory of what I think will happen in TRH Book 4, and I was encouraged by some very lovely people to turn my theory into a fic, so here it is. Basically, Riley is recruited to join the Via Imperii, this series will follow her as she joins them to try and bring them down from the inside, and all of the drama and bombshells she learns along the way. Sapere Aude is Latin for “dare to know” it seemed like an appropriate title.

Rating: PG-13 Adult language, allusions to smut (but nothing graphic), discussions of death, conspiracy, blackmail, and other adult themes.

Warning: The Royal Heir Book 3 Spoilers all over the place.

Word Count: 2,655

A/N: Before I dive in, a little bit of unpleasant business to address. As you may know, there is another writer that is also working on a Via Imperii themed fic. We had been working together to make sure our stories didn’t overlap to the point of plagiarism, sharing ideas and pre-reading each others work. That partnership was abruptly, and unbeknownst to me, put to a halt this week (3/28/21). She has not read this chapter, and I have not read any of hers past her chapter 9 (which I don’t think I ever saw the final version of, so let’s safely say chapter 8). I just wanted to put that out there in the universe, I don’t want any previous approvals or conversations to be implied or carried over into work I have not, and will not, see. No ill will, it is what it is, I just want to make sure that nobody is misrepresenting anyone’s involvement in anything. 

HUGE shout out to my hype squad, @jessiembruno & @txemrn. It’s no secret that I haven’t been feeling to great about myself lately, and they’ve been so great about talking me through it and encouraging me to keep going. 

As always, shout out to @twinkleallnight for my amazing, and updated, moodboard!

Tags: I think my tags actually got figured out, so tags are below, but not in the comments as I usually do. If you don’t get the tag, let me know (which is a weird thing to say, because you might not even be seeing this).

Riley stood at the stove, scrambling eggs, when she suddenly felt Liam’s arms wrap around her as he kissed her neck. “Good morning, love. You’re up early.” He said in between kisses. 

“Hey you.” She shut off the burner and turned in his arms, reaching up to cup his cheek. “How are you feeling?” She looked at him with worry in her eyes. 

“I’m...past the worst of it, thanks to you.” He kissed her softly on the lips. “I’m just ready to move forward and come up with a plan to end all of this. Then I can deal with everything else.”

“You don’t have to bottle it all up until this is over, Liam. You can talk to me.”

“I know, you’ve more than proven that to me.” He winked, a slight smirk on his face. “Taking them down is how I need to work through it. It seems as though a majority of the struggles we have faced have been at the hands of the Via Imperii. Getting my revenge and eliminating them will be a cathartic, healing experience. It needs to happen for the country, and for my own piece of mind.”  

She nodded and pulled out of his embrace, taking his hand and walking him toward the island. “Good, that’s what we’ll do then. Sit and I’ll get a plate together for you. I need to fill you in on the rest before everyone gets here.”

“Everyone?” He asked as he watched her walk back to the stove and put two plates together. 

“I texted Maxwell this morning, he’s going to come back with Drake so that he can work with us on a plan. He’s already had time to process his dad’s shittyness, so you and Drake won’t have to do all the heavy lifting while dealing with your news.” She placed a plate down in front of him and sat down.

Liam looked at her confused, “Why would Drake still be processing my news? You told him the other day, didn’t you?”

Riley took a deep breath, there was so much she didn’t get a chance to tell Liam the night before. She would have to get through it all now. He had to be completely filled in before Drake and Maxwell arrived. “Not your news, Liam. I had some for him too.”

Riley filled Liam in on the rest of the information she had learned that weekend. Treading lightly when he spoke about Eleanor, making sure not to refer to as his mother, she would simply say ‘she’ and Liam understood. Liam sat there, pushing his own pain aside so he could focus on the task at hand, while also being there for Drake. He knew Drake, and he knew that he was likely feeling a similar storm of emotions, but being the selfless kind hearted soul Liam knew he was, he wasn’t dealing with any of that. Instead, Drake was keeping himself busy by taking care of his friends, just like he had his whole life.

After breakfast, Liam rescheduled his and Riley’s meetings and commitments for the day so that they could focus on the task at hand. Eleanor had her lessons, Drake planned on dropping her off in the Great Room when they arrived at the palace, giving them a couple of hours to talk. Liam and Riley finished getting ready for the day, and headed into the living room just in time to hear the knock on the door. Liam answered. 

Maxwell was the first to enter, bounding in and raising his arms over his head “The party is here.” He walked up to Riley and gave her their secret handshake before pulling her into a hug. 

Drake entered and Liam shut the door behind him. They turned to face each other, and nodded in silent understanding. Liam extended his hand and Drake took it in a handshake that was quickly, and mutually, pulled into a hug. They stayed like that for several moments speaking to each other in hushed tones that only the two of them could hear. 

After a few moments, Maxwell spoke up. “Hey, how come you guys never hug me like that?”

“Maxwell!” Riley yelled in a hushed tone as she elbowed him in the side, making a rapid throat cutting gesture when he looked at her, signaling that he should leave it alone. 

They finally pulled away, clearing their throats as they separated. Drake walked up to Riley, giving her a hug, as Liam approached Maxwell and shook his hand.

“Let’s sit, there’s a lot to go over.” Liam signaled toward the couch as he approached Riley, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Riley gave Liam a reassuring look. “Should we get Bastien in here as well? He should be a part of this.” She suggested. 

“Absolutely. You sit, love. I’ll go get him.” Liam walked her to the couch and kissed the top of her head as she sat, before going back to the front door to retrieve Bastien. 

Once everyone was there, Riley looked to Liam for the next move. She wasn’t sure which of them would take the lead on this conversation, not knowing if Liam would be able to get through the parts of the story that he had learned the night before. He took her hand in his and nodded at her as a signal to begin the conversation. 

“Ok, so we have a new threat. Well, an old threat, but in a new and soul crushing package.” She paused for a moment and looked around the room. Liam and Drake were fully filled in, Bastien was partially aware of the situation, and Maxwell was completely in the dark. The best thing to do would be to start at the beginning. 

With that, Riley explained everything, her conversation with Eirik at Applewood, the meeting in Portavira, and of course everything that had happened during her Valtoria trip. She made sure to grip Liam’s hand a little tighter when she got to the part about Eleanor, when Drake also reached over and placed a comforting hand on his friend’s back. The news of Eleanor and Jackson’s involvement, on top of Eleanor not being quite as dead as everyone thought, obviously, a total shock to those in the room hearing it for the first time. Maxwell’s jaw dropped, his hand quickly moving to cover it as tears welled up in his eyes. For the first time in his life, Maxwell was speechless.

Riley looked over to Bastien, who was standing by Drake’s chair. She was surprised by the emotion etched in his typically stoic face. Then she realized, she had been so worried about everyone else, that she didn’t consider how difficult this news may be for Bastien. Jackson Walker had taken a young, fresh-faced Bastien under his wing when he first joined the King’s guard, and invited him into his family. Bastien had been alone most of his life, so becoming an unofficial Walker gave him a sense of belonging and home that he hadn’t felt since he was a little boy. He had known Jackson was a member of the Via Imperii, he was trying to recruit Bastien prior to his death, but the way Jackson talked about it didn’t line up with what he had learned in the last couple of weeks. Suddenly it all made sense, the information he was getting was based off of the original plan that Jackson had been working on. If he was killed for going against them, it would explain why they stopped pursuing Bastien after his death. He always found something a little suspicious about Jackson’s death, this just confirmed it, and made him want to exact his revenge for the man that had given him everything. 

The room was silent as everyone continued to process the information. Maxwell was the first to speak up. “You guys, I don’t even know what to say. I mean my dad was bad news, but this is a whole other level.” He looked at Liam, “I mean, a coma is one thing, but to pretend to actually be dead? And then to find out you have a brother?!” 

“Thank you Maxwell. It has been a...trying few hours to say the least.” Liam squeezed Riley’s hand a little tighter to keep himself calm. “But that is why you are here. We need to work together to remove them once and for all.” 

“So, what do we do?” Drake chimed in. 

“That’s what we need to figure out. How do you take down a group that nobody even knows exists?” Riley looked around the room, hoping one of the men might have a suggestion. 

Bastien cleared his throat to get the room’s attention. “Perhaps we start by getting some form of hard evidence against them. Something tangible, and undeniable.”

“Yea, we could release it publicly. If everyone knows they exist, and what they’re up to, they won’t have any power.” Maxwell agreed.

Riley nodded. “Ok, that could work. How do we do that? I mean, I’m a member or whatever, but I don’t think you can just borrow membership records, or like walk in taking pictures.” 

‘We could send you in with a hidden camera or recorder of some kind.” Liam suggested. “I don’t want to get Amalas involved, we can’t be certain where her loyalties lie, but Olivia could be of help to us on that front.”

Drake interjected, skepticism in his tone. “Yea, but can we trust her? Her family isn’t really known for their loyalty to the crown.”

Liam stood from his seat. “Historically, you are correct Drake. The Nevrakis family has never been particularly with their standing within the monarchy, but I think that Olivia has more than proven herself. Not only in her loyalty to the crown, but in her loyalty to me personally.”

“Yea Drake, she’s had our backs through everything.” Riley also stood, linking her arm with Liam’s in a show of support. “Besides, in the few conversations I’ve had with these people, they don’t speak too highly of the Nevrakis line, they don’t seem like they would have much interest in bringing her onboard.” 

“Alright, let’s get her involved.” Drake ran a hand through his hair, still not fully convinced, but knowing he was outnumbered. 

“Great. Liam, you and Drake should work with Olivia to get it set up. I’ll talk to Mara and see when I will be meeting with them next, so that we know our timeline.” Riley turned to Bastien, “Bastien, since Hana is in Shanghai, I guess you’ll be taking her place in this mission.”

“Of course, your majesty. Should we make our way to the boutique so I can assist you in finding something to wear?”

Everyone stared blankly at Bastien, the corners of Riley’s mouth slowly turned upward. “Bastien, did you just make a joke?”

“Yes your majesty, I know you all tend to try to add a little levity to situations such as these.”

“Correction…” Maxwell stood up and positioned himself in front of Bastien, “I add levity. I’m the funny one, not Hana. Know your role.”

“My apologies, Lord Beaumont.” Bastien bowed out of respect, but mostly to hide the grin that started to spread across his face.

As the group continued to chat, there was a knock at the door. Soon after, Eleanor came barrelling into the room. “Mommy, daddy, I’m home!” She ran straight for her parents who knelt down to greet her. 

“Hello princess, we missed you so much.” Liam wrapped Eleanor in a hug. 

As he held his daughter, Riley noticed Thomas entering the room. She stood, giving Drake, Maxwell, and Batien a concerned look. This would be the first time Liam would be face to face with him, knowing who he was. 

Bastien rushed over to him, trying to usher him out of the room before Liam noticed. Just as he reached Thomas, the King stood up and looked directly at Thomas, his eyes going wide at the sight of his brother. He quickly shook his head and put his most stoic expression in place. Everyone exchanged worried glances. Riley turned to Liam and linked her hand with his, giving it a gentle squeeze to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. 

“Your majesties, Eleanor did wonderfully today. I was very impressed with how much she learned today.” Thomas bowed as he addressed the King and Queen. 

Liam gripped Riley’s hand tightly, as if he were falling from a building and she was the ledge preventing him from plummeting to his death. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t manage to get any words out. It didn’t matter, even if he could find his voice, he had no idea what he would say. 

“Thank you Thomas, that will be all for today.” Riley jumped in to break the silence. 

Thomas bowed and exited the room. Bastien gave the group a sad smile before bowing and following him out of the room. 

“Hey Eleanor, weren’t you telling me about a new dress you were excited about? Want to do a fashion show for Uncle Max?” Maxwell held his hand out to Eleanor, knowing that he needed to give Liam a moment. 

“Fashion show! Fashion show!” Eleanor grabbed Maxwell by the hand and pulled him down the hall. He looked back and nodded at his friends. Riley mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ to him as he rounded the corner. 

“Liam?” Riley turned to face Liam, placing a hand on his cheek. Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him, burying his face in her hair. “I know Liam. It’s ok, we’ll get through this.” She peered over his shoulder, giving Drake a sad look. 

Drake approached the pair and patted Liam on the shoulder. “For what it’s worth, you handled it better than I would have.”

Liam pulled himself from Riley’s arms, and scrubbed his hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh. “Thank you both. That was...difficult.” 

“Should we talk to Bastien about having him reassigned?” Riley looked up at her husband.

Liam shook his head. “No, the timing will make it too obvious, they will know you told me. I won’t put you in danger like that.” His face had a slight look of panic. 

Riley was reminded of the conversation they had much earlier that morning, and Liam expressing his fear of losing her. She knew she had to do something to bring him back from that place. She gently placed one hand on his cheek and drew his face down to hers. As their foreheads met, she whispered “I’m right here. Always.” Before placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

“All we can do right now is get to work so that we can put all this behind us. We’ll deal with Thomas, and everyone else, after that.” The sound of Drake’s voice brought Riley and Liam out of the moment. 

Liam cleared his throat before turning to address his friend. “Right. Olivia will be here in a couple of days for the council meeting. We will speak with her then.”

Drake nodded. “I’ll go grab Maxwell and we’ll get out of your hair.” He approached Liam and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll reach out if you need me?”

“I should be asking you that question.” Liam arched an eyebrow in response. “One of us is significantly more forthcoming with our emotions than the other.” 

“Touché.” Drake laughed as he clapped Liam on the shoulder. 

Maxwell and Drake said their goodbyes, and headed out leaving the royal family to themselves. They had a big fight ahead of them, but in this moment, Riley and Liam just wanted to be a family. Not a King and Queen with the heir, not warriors preparing for battle, a husband and wife spending time with their daughter. 

Continue Reading

Tags:

Permatag: @anjanettexcordonia @athena-penrose @choicesficwriterscreations​ @cordonia-gothqueen @cordoniaqueensworld @gabesmommie1130 @gkittylove99 @hopelessromanticmonie @iaminlovewithtrr @jessiembruno @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @kingliam2019 @lucy-268 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @mile9213 @mom2000aggie @pixie88 @queenrileyrose @secretaryunpaid @sweatyrysconnoisseur @theroyalheirshadowhunter @twinkleallnight @txemrn

Sapere Aude: @burnsoslow @busywoman @ofpixelsandscribbles

Liam x Riley: @jared2612

[i-did]

hi mlm here. so i want to write andreil smut but im a virgin so i have no idea what exactly sex is like. but i do not want to write it for the.... straight women gaze. what are some things that are accurate to write about. this is prolly super nsfw but i dont know who to ask.

Okay so this response took me literally months, and I'm sorry about that. I honestly was so excited when I got this question. I don't know why I put off responding?? But here I go: 

CW for discussion of NSFW, STD’s, and a lil homophobia

I bet a lot of people who write smut are virgins tbh, that's not to insult anyone or anything, but like writing is a non physical way to explore sex and fantasies by yourself, so you’re definitely not alone lol.

So you're MLM and want to write smut, (and others who want to get my opinions on writing non-fetishistic smut).

Porn is porn and can have unrealistic circumstances to fulfill said fantasy, such as anything from people messing around in locker rooms to tentacles.

To get a general sense of what is common in MLM sexuality, (rather than the typical feminine gaze that is seen in smut) looking at gay porn and gay porn categories is good insight. 

Bear culture, muscle culture, leather culture, etc. 

These are obviously still porn and unrealistic, however being attracted to sweat, jockstraps, and muscles is very common outside of porn. 

Bear culture is a body-positive movement that started because of the gay community's fat-phobia, age-phobia, and overall shittyness about body hair. 

Leather culture is also really big, it started because of the belief that gay men couldn’t be dominant or “masculine”, even in bed. So in America, leather culture was a way a lot of MLM embraced themselves. 

Going to pride, you will see many men wearing those leather harnesses, it doesn't indicate a preference of topping or bottoming necessarily, they're just something mlm wear and has grown quite popular in the culture, I've known some men to say it feels like a security blanket for them. 

And I think it’s very important to understand these cultures or at least be aware of them on a base level if you’re going to write gay porn. 

Also looking at erotic MLM art made by men, there is Tom of Finland, who was very historically significant, and is the most famous erotic gay artist. There is gay literature, one that openly talks about sex quite frankly is the book “We Both Laughed In Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan” which is a series of diary excerpts from a real gay trans man where you follow his life up until he died during the aids epidemic. He talks about sex with partners and discovering himself as well as what being a gay man means to him. He has a real love for sex in a way that is very unashamed and interesting to read about. We know that he wrote the latter half of his diaries with the plan of compiling them and publishing them but he passed away and people in his life carried out this wish for him. He is considered a significant part of gay and transgender history because of this, and his diaries are in LGBT museums. 

Reading gay poetry, looking at gay art, erotic, romantic, grungy, whatever, and you will find and see how they portray things differently than when it’s not portrayed by gay men usually. I mean there is a clear difference between yaoi and bara and that's the audience and authors. Some yaoi are made by MLM, (well technically their called gei comi, or gay comics in Japanese)

“Also known as ‘gei comi’ or ‘men's love,’ bara comics are by men, for men. There is a yaoi equivalent to this, and it is called ‘gachi muchi’-- it is written by women, for women.” – myanimelist.net (lol)

 but more than 90% aren't. I haven't ever heard of a non-MLM bara artist, but I'm sure there's at least one. 

Of course, I've seen things depicting MLM just together pretty realistically that didn't feel like it was written by someone who definitely wasn't MLM, but these scenes tend to be more writing in the general sense of art in the general sense rather than porn, which has a huge gap in characteristics between stuff usually written by MLM vs when it's written by women. (sorry about the binary language here)

I know some people don't like any realism in their porn, but I personally really like small details such as prep being mentioned, foreplay, even acknowledgment of the existence of condoms even if they choose to go without.

Especially as an MLM who lives in America currently, the ever-present acknowledgment and stigmatism of AIDS is around us. We think about it, even when we don't want to. An entire generation of MLM, trans people, and a lot of POC were wiped out. Not necessarily a PWP detail, but including discussion of prep, PrEP (the anti HIV medication) and/or getting tested, even for diseases besides HIV, is a small detail that I think is nice. MLM often have to have a moment when opening up a conversation about sex where HIV is mentioned, our dating apps and hook up apps have sections where you put positive, negative, non-transmissible/undetectable, or prefer not to say. The books take place in 2006 so PrEP didn't exist yet, but also the aids pandemic was happening when they were being born and as young kids, so it wasn't that long ago in society's mind. It's still illegal for many trans people and MLM to donate blood despite that the blood is screened for diseases after donation. 

Also, some realism I like is when a character isn't getting their ass ate first in the morning. Like, for me that's a huge turn-off because I think “holy fuck hygiene.” specifically with anal play I just really think even casually mentioning “washing up” or basic prep, or if you want more accuracy/details mention time between last meals or “x only ate a salad, so he would be fine”. It's like a joke in the gay community to eat chili fries or some shit on a date to indicate that either there will be no anal, or if there is you’re not going to be the one to do it, because you just fuckin ate those fries to say so. 

A cock just going in without prep and no condom is going to A) hurt very bad the body does not do that naturally and can cause injury B) get shit dick.

An also not sexy detail that is common for sex is just laying down a towel so you don’t have to wash sheets. Lube on hands? Wipe off on the towel that you’re on rn. Laying down a towel is pretty normal especially for anal. But this is if you’re going for a much more playing for accuracy sex scene. 

Honestly just writing fingering and prep and stuff like that in my opinion goes a long way and also gives the audience more to read. 

Also, sex is way more than peen in hole. Get creative, frottage, mutual masturbation, docking? Idk like thigh fucking, fucking buttcheeks but not hole, handies, blowies, anal oral, Neil doesn’t have to be the only one who gets his ass ate and things don’t have to follow formulas, in fact, they’re better when they don’t. 

Sex comes in many forms, and like I’ve definitely been with someone and he took off his shirt and I was like what, because he was skinny and clean-shaven and I didn’t expect him to have nearly as much chest hair as he did. I bet honestly Neil has a massive bush, like fuckin, massive. 

Andrew and Neil don’t have to like everything the same amount, Neil could be like “I wanna lick your armpit” and gets really off on it, Andrew is neutral but likes that Neil likes it and agrees even if it does nothing for him physically. Honestly, Neil having a sweat kink imo is pretty fitting lol. 

Try not to categorize the characters into “the bottom” and “the top”, or “the man” and “the woman”

This is something I see a lot and pay attention to how “the bottom” tends to adopt traits that are seen in straight porn that are over-exaggerated. I’m not saying it's inherently wrong to write someone as slim, but we know Neil isn't delicate, but I personally wouldn't categorize him as slim. He's a college-level athlete and is definitely muscular and defined, he has some bulk at least, he isn’t model lean for sure imo. You also often see PWP where the bottom makes a bunch of noise and the top makes none, or the top grunts and the bottom mewls, these are things I personally feel gives the bottom the role of a woman in porn. I don’t think Andreil have rough sex necessarily, but I do think when Neil does make noise, it would be because it was practically punched out of him by the feeling, and would sound more like a gasp than a kitten or whatever. There's nothing wrong with writing them both grunting, both of their voices being lower. Someone bottoming doesn’t suddenly magically not have secondary sex characteristics and stubble and body hair or a deep voice or however, they’re like everywhere else. 

When I read an over-emphasis on Neil’s slim waist and swaying hips and ass I’m like,,, okay someone please mention Andrew looking at Neil’s dick or bulge or shoulders. As an MLM, what do you find hot about men? I like stomachs and arms and shoulders, jawlines, collarbones, asses yes but like in a different way than how I like women’s asses (I’m bi lol) they are smaller and I like them muscled and squared almost. I look at veins on hands and noses and shoulders and backs, I look at a lot and I honestly don't have a type. But yeah so think about what you like, why you like it, what you might want. Or look at what others like, and why and how they want and like it.

what would Neil like, how would he feel about it? And Andrew. I kinda feel like Andrew is low-key masc 4 masc but that's just me lmaoo. Anyways, good luck writing. 

[matchsumu]

candlelight

description: existential nights with tooru :) 

pairing: oikawa tooru x f!reader

genre: fluff (so disgustingly sweet, blame those damn ear edits not me)

warnings: existentialism

wc: 1.3k

a/n: let’s just pretend that light pollution doesn’t exist

“I leave you alone for twenty minutes and you’re planning to sacrifice me?” you tease while observing the current state of you and your boyfriends shared bedroom. 

“GAH! Y/n-chan, you scared me!” Tooru exclaims, jolting upright from his squatting position and swiftly tossing the lighter he was gripping to the side. 

The room was littered with a dozen glowing candles ranging from size, shape, and pungent scents that you swore you were smelling while in the shower.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I was just trying to set the mood~,” he said in a sing-song voice while sauntering over to you. 

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the corner of your mouth from quirking up a bit, “the only thing being set is our apartment, on fire.”

He pouted at your remark and pulled you into a warm embrace. “Forgive me?”

You swatted at his chest before tucking your chin into the crook of his neck. He always had quite the flair for dramatics. 

“I suppose.”

---

The candles didn’t actually bother you; they flickered prettily from your view on the bed. You thought the gesture was sweet and maybe even a little romantic, as everything in the room glowed warm. Each candle smoldering like a miniature sun, all in charge of lighting up their own little domains.

“You’ve created a nice little set up, Tooru,” you murmured into his hair.  

He perked up slightly at the praise, shifting around the blankets so that he could hold you tighter. 

“I know that you’ve been stressed lately; and I know that I haven’t really been there for you as much as I should be with volleyball and all, so I just wanted to help. I read online that candles are good for relaxation, but I still wanted to be able to see your face, because I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, so I got a bunch of them to make sure it would be bright enough and-”

“It’s perfect,” you interrupted, “Thank you. It means a lot.”

It really was perfect. He was perfect. He meant a lot. 

Oikawa hummed in response and you felt him smile into your figure. 

His sudden shyness made your heart swell with fondness, and you pulled back from his embrace so that you could see him. 

All of his features glowed warm. Brown hair showed caramel, and his eyes melted into pools of amber and bronze, swirling with every flicker of the flames. He was your sun. The fuel that made the light in your heart glow.

“Like what you see?” he teased but was unable to hide his own breathlessness. 

“Always,” you weren’t sure if the heat on your face was from the fire or him. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“Always,” he echoed, “it’s all for you.”

You both knew he wasn’t just talking about the candles. 

The two of you settled back into your resting position before you took a deep breath and broke the silence.

“Can I ask you for some advice?”

He cocked his head towards you but nodded nonetheless. 

“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you could go back in time and change the past?”

He stayed silent, waiting for you to finish your thought.

“Like sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I picked a different college major, or if I hadn’t transferred to Seijoh, or even if I put extra creamer in my coffee this morning. There must be so many different universes of me living completely different lives to the one I’m living right now. It just makes me wonder if the life I’m currently living is the right one,” you rambled softly.

“Yeah, I think I know what you mean,” he said, prompting you to continue. 

“I’m just scared that I’m wasting my time worrying about stuff that’s meaningless in the grand scheme of things. I want to be able to live in the moment more,” you added.

You were glad that the dim lighting was enough to conceal your expression for the most part. Sometimes talking was easier when you didn’t have to focus on anything else. 

“Get up.”

You met his serious gaze with a confused expression. 

“Grab a blanket too, it’s cold out,” he added while climbing out of bed and throwing a shirt on. 

“Why?” It was the middle of the night. 

“We’re going to go live in the moment,” he smiled from the bedroom doorway, eyes sparkling. 

---

The view from your balcony was a masterpiece. The stars had put on a brilliant show, as if you and Tooru were the only people left on the earth to watch it. 

It was a cold night - cold enough that your breath came out in puffs of miniature clouds, before disappearing into the void. 

But as cold as the air was, you felt warm from the tip of your nose to your sock feet. You were wrapped up in a blanket with Oikawa, pressing so close that you weren’t sure where your skin ended and his began. 

You sat in the silence, basking in his warmth. It was almost as if he brought the heat of the candles with him, embedded into his skin just to share with you. 

“The stars look nice,” he stated.

“They do.” 

You were silent again, basking in the starlight as the sleepless city clamored on in the foreground.

“Love?”

You turned towards him, as his favorite pet name for you left his lips.

“I know what you mean, by the way. About wondering if things were different. I used to think about that a lot.”

You remembered. Those weren’t very fond memories for you. You hated seeing him so sad; he probably felt the same towards you. “What about now?”

“Now?” He hummed in thought, “Now, I’m happy, I look back and everything was all worth it.”

“I’m glad,” you smiled warmly.

“And,” he continued, “I’m happy that you’re with me in this universe. I hope we’re together in every universe.”

A world where you and Oikawa were strangers, did not exist; there was no doubt in your mind. He had set up a camp in your heart, at first only a log and a spark. But along with your growing fondness for each other, the flame in your heart erupted into a combustion of exuberance. How could he not be a part of your world when he was your sun, burning brightly at the center of it all.

“I have a feeling that you managed to worm your way into all of my lives. I hope that the other ‘me’s’ have the strength to deal with your shittyness,” you sighed.

“Mean!” He gasped and jammed a finger into your side and you laughed at his outburst.

“I pour my heart out to you, and this is how I’m treated?” Oikawa whined, “careful, love, you’re going to turn into iwa-chan if you keep this up.”

“Aw, now we can’t have that,” you cooed and he reveled in the attention. 

Maybe you should be concerned at how intertwined your lives have become. But there was really no avoiding it, after all. He was your sun. He kept you warm to the core on the coldest days and swept rays of light throughout your world, transforming it into a shining palace, where you hoped to spend the rest of your days. 

The question was not, Would you be together? rather How could you not?

How could you not, when you couldn’t even imagine a world without him?

“I love you,” you mumbled softly into his skin. The words didn’t feel like enough. There was no way you could pack all of your emotions into three syllables, but as always he understood.

“I know, I love you too,” Oikawa responded quickly, on autopilot. You had gotten to the point where those words didn’t need to be contemplated before being said. 

The night sky was beautiful but even so, it could never outshine the stars in Oikawa’s eyes. As you curled into him, you knew that you could not be as content as you were now in any other universe.

[akumatsu--sama]

•

"Embrace your shittyness! "

•

old habits don't really die hard!!

the mun of, the now gone @akumatsu-sama, has made a new account for a more fresh start

and why not because season 3 has been started

with a more improved art style too

feel free to send in asks or starters now

[themightyfoo]

This is what a Golden Age looks like: they never appear that great at the time. Cherish the shittyness of Tumblr. Embrace it. It will soon pass and never come this way again.

Honestly the queue and schedule post options on Tumblr are extremely underrated. No other major social networking site has the ability to do that with the same ease as Tumblr does, and we've had them for like a decade now. They're fantastic features and Tumblr doesn't get enough credit for having them.

[fslut]

My sabrina reboot

Sabrina is half black on her moms side

Her and Harvey are bi and trans

Salem is a black prodigy wizard a year younger than sabrina

More plot but still with the originals comedy

More focus on witch hunter gene stuff from season two

All of season two hints at it but the finale reveals brads in love with harvey and gay

Season three involves his dad coming back into the picture to teach him about witch hunting

He and sabrina get stuck somewhere and have a heart to heart in the s3 finale and she mentions harvey is closeted bisexual and was scared to tell brad anf she's ok with an open relationship cause despite his shittyness she does like brad and maybe things could happen with him and harvey ( brad was harveys first crush on a guy but sabrina won't tell him that thats Harvey's secret to tell ) but brad says "what about THIS you know as well as i do what you and i are and the second i acknowledge the thought he looses you "

Brad willingly gives up his witch hunting gene to be with sabrina ( platonic) and harvey ( gay )

S4 involves brads dad trying to prove the spellmans are witches to get back at them for his son suddenly not having his gene all while sabrina takes her witches lisence quiz. Brad works with her to stop and hold off his dad the finale involves his dad ( who was shitty anyway ) getting sent to other realm prison for abusing his ability and trying to turn sabrina into a mouse without proof and harvey having his spell quota still met and confronting brad and sabrina about her being a witch

S6 is them working through this rough patch in their relationship while they all go to college. Brad and sabrina go to adams but harvey gets an athletic scholarship a town over and tells them he neees time and space which they understand

Sabrina meets josh and things start to brew but she refuses to do anything without harveys approvals. Unbeknownst to her, harvey and josh met on campus and have become good friends.

The season conprises mostly of sabrina getting used to college life as a witch and mentoring a young high school freshman witch for her quiz

Brad has a sub plot about feeling empty without his witch hunter gene and salem helping him find his identity by teaching him potion brewing something mortals with a small touch of magic awareness can do the two bonding and getting close.

The season ends when harvey and sabrina have a heart to heart and want to stay together and both admit to liking someone who harvey invited to the coffee shop to meet sabrina. Josh walks in and they both greet him to each others surprise before cracking up and explaining the whole situation to josh who's happy to be with both of them and ends on a joke stinger of him admitting brads pretty cute too

S7 involves the witches council being willing to turn salem back into a human provided he can prove by the end of the year he's changed as a person. with a sub plot about brad and harvey thinking they need to tell josh sabrina is a witch.

The season consists of the three helping salem do good deeds and trying to hide magic from josh who is smarter than he looks and figures it out

The finale is them going to salems trial and josh sneaking in the linen closet behind them to learn the truth

As the witches council is about to dwny salem his freedom josh steps up and has a whole speech about how salem has to have changed because how else could three people love him so much.

Josh grabs harvey and drags him over to salem to hold him amd we get a montage of all their bonding moments and harvey snuggles the cat whos starting to glow "of course i love you man, you're amazing i wouldn't do this if i didn't"

Josh then passes him to sabrina and the same happens as salem glows more

Finally the same happens to brad who tells salem he wouldnt have his identity without salem

The love of them turns salem into his now 26 year old human self and they embrace him crying and of course hes sobbing and holding them and the witches Council explains that Salem needed to understand how much he was loved and just what kind of love these three important people in his life felt for him( hint incredibly romantic LMAO )

The episode ends with them dragging josh into the group hug and talking about their future as a family.

Various hilda and zelda hijinks throughout the series, no mr fucking kraft

[patronusmarauder]

Writing my shitty first draft.

Okay, so as much as I loved the idea that writing an imperfect first draft and embracing that shittyness so I could keep going, I could never turn the part of brain off that want’s to go back and edit the fuck out of everything.

Honestly though, that’s the reason I would never finish any long writing projects. I’d rewrite the first chapter over and over and over again trying to make it perfect and then when I’d finally move a little forward I was always looking back and doing rewrites.

It’s exhausting and actually drafting something long became impossible.

I’ve not written for a while for a number of burning out and personal reasons, but for the first time I’m doing nanowrimo and I’m not hitting that wall where I can’t continue anymore. 

My draft is looking the messiest fragmented thing that I have ever let my work be. There are missing characters that I forgot about and had to add later, half baked dialogue, typos and little notes to myself throughout it all, but this is the most progress I have ever made in such a short space of time.

It’s looking like I may finish Nanowrimo for the first time and I’m having a lot of fun doing it. So if you’re having trouble making progress, try and see if you can just run. Turn the editing brain off for a spell and don’t look back until the end. See what embracing the shitty first draft does for you.

[dare-i-say-asexual]

@ that anon, mamma mia is SUPPOSED to be a shitty musical like that’s the most fun part ab it. you have to be able to embrace its shittyness, n if you can’t then u won’t survive the winter.

ME MOOD KIN WORM

[radiusofz]

What if we just embraced our shittyness in all its glory?

Akira Yokoyama, 1983

[leosecret0661]

Pregnancy After Infertility – For The Mama Who Had to attend

This is the ultimate Friday where I feature a post from a fellow mom sharing her story about motherhood. in the week I even have Anna from his house discussing pregnancy after infertility. For any mama who had to attend this one is for you.

Before getting pregnant, I used to be certain of two things. One was that when I used to be finally pregnant, the nightmare we had skilled to urge to the present 

point would become just a foreign memory. And two, all the anxiety and worry I had pent up during my two-week wait would simply dissipate as soon as I saw those two magical pink lines.

Well you'll imagine I used to be pretty shocked once I found neither of those two things to be remotely true. I realized just how proud I'm of the battle we fought (and won) and therefore the lengths that we visited to bring our miracle babe into the planet. Now that she’s here I don’t want to easily ‘forget’ about everything we went through (which is perhaps an honest thing, because I don’t think I could forget that shizz if I tried!).

And honestly speaking, I don’t think I even knew what anxiety was until I used to be pregnant.

Which got me brooding about a number of the large emotions I wish someone had told me I might feel after getting my long-awaited for BFP (that’s a ‘Big Fat Positive’ for any of you not on top of things with such lingo), and most significantly, that it had been okay to feel ALL the feels.

I loved being pregnant, I celebrated every ounce of nausea and each swollen ankle that pregnancy threw at me, but I had no idea just how emotional it might make me feel. So if you’ve recently found yourself finally pregnant after a long-ass wait, then this one is for you.

Disbelief and Denial

You probably won’t allow yourself to believe it’s real for a really, very while. Your body has failed you time and time again, so why do you have to begin to trust it now? Sure you’ve peed on (several) sticks, and had multiple BETA blood tests, all of which say you’re pregnant. But surely it’s not getting to happen!

I must are about 7 months pregnant by the time I accepted there was an honest probability that I might be coming home with an actual baby. But I had to figure hard at training myself to mention “when the baby comes..” rather than “if the baby comes..”. the earlier you'll emerge from this season of denial the higher, but if like me, it takes you a while to travel from ‘this can’t possibly be happening’ to ‘I think it'd be happening’, to ‘OMG this is often (insert expletives) happening!’, just know that it’s completely normal and understandable to feel this manner after everything you’ve been through. You’ve fought an almighty battle to urge here, so just let it sink in its own sweet time!

Anxiety

As mentioned earlier, the fear and anxiousness doesn’t end with the dreaded two-week wait. Oh no. Boobs not feeling sore today? Queue the anxiety. Not feeling that ill today? Anxiety. Haven’t you felt the baby move in over half an hour? Almighty anxiety.

Up there with disbelief and denial, anxiety is all part and parcel of finally having something you've got wanted for therefore long, and therefore the natural fear that it might be removed from you at any moment. It is often really hard to only relax and truly enjoy your pregnancy because you’re so bloody petrified something goes to travel wrong.

There’s no magic formula for calming those pesky nerves, aside from knowing that each day that passes, the anxiety will gradually subside and you’ll slowly start trusting your body more and more to try to to it’s thing.

Guilt

On top of being riddled with disbelief and anxiety, you would possibly end up feeling a touch guilty because you’re struggling to completely enjoy and embrace finally being pregnant. Just attempt to cut yourself some slack, this has little question been a very tough road so far so you’re fully entitled to feel apprehensive, especially within the trimester when everything is fresh and you haven't any idea which end of you is up. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from further hurt and disappointment, and each day that passes it'll subside and fewer and fewer.

You might also feel guilty because here you're pregnant, once you know numerous others are still struggling. I regularly believe all those wonderful warrior women who I shared my infertility journey with, many of whom went on to become mothers themselves, but many that are still within the wait. I try to not feel guilty for the very fact that I'm where I'm today, but instead specialize in sharing my story and hoping that my journey can inspire even only one person to stay on fighting for his or her little miracle.

Frustration

Not most are getting to ‘get’ the journey you’ve been on. I remember ending up during a group chat of 70+ other expectant mothers back in my trimester (right when my anxiety was at an all-time high). it had been clear from the get-go that none of those women had struggled to urge pregnant.

Here all of them were, complaining about every little thing their pregnancy threw at them and joking about how as soon because the baby was ‘out’ the primary thing they were getting to do was have both themselves and their husbands sterilized because “OMG, literally all he has got to do is check out me and BAM, I’m pregnant!”.

Needless to mention I didn’t find this type of banter funny, or remotely relatable. Their words and casual, complacent attitude towards being pregnant frustrated the hell out of me. I wanted to scream at all of them “Don’t you recognize how lucky you are?!”. I wanted to inform them that there are thousands, if not many women out there who would give anything (and I mean anything) to be in their shoes.

Then there are the people that mean well, but say all the incorrect things, like how great it's that you simply won’t have any problem conceiving within the future because now you’re pregnant! (I’ve heard this one multiple times). They don’t mean any harm, they’re just uneducated on the realms of infertility (lucky for them I say!). So either take the chance to teach them on whatever it's, or simply do your best to smile, breathe, and advance.

Belonging

But I promise you that once you do find your mom tribe, and you’re all sitting there together juggling the babies, eating with one hand whilst bouncing your beautiful babe on your hip, swapping new-born advice and horror stories from the delivery room, you’ll feel an awesome, immense sense of belonging. Whether or not these women can relate to your journey is irrelevant, you’ll know them once you find them.

They’ll quietly respect and acknowledge your journey, but they’ll see you more for the new Mom that you simply are, the Mom you were always meant to be, and at this stage in your journey, deep within the trenches of new-baby-dom, that’s all that matters.

Sometimes I even have to see myself as I'm going about my daily business and can’t quite fathom that this is often my life now. It might be as simple as walking past a store window where I catch my reflection and see that I'm pushing an actual pram, which contains my very own actual baby.

I still feel the disbelief sometimes, that she is finally here. And that’s ok because I do know it means I’ll never become complacent, that I’ll always remember how truly precious this tiny angel is. And in fact, the anxiety still rears its ugly head now and again- but isn’t this par for the course for each new parent?!

Overjoyed

However the emotion that trumps it all, is that the feeling of pure and utter joy. My baby’s birth couldn’t have gone any less to plan if I attempted, but the sensation of holding her in my arms for the primary time was like nothing I can ever describe.

All the pain and shittyness didn’t magically disappear, but more importantly it finally had a purpose, and here she was, staring right back at me. I’ll always identify as infertile. But now I also identify as Mom. I wear two hats, and that’s ok. It’s so important to me that friends, and even strangers who are browsing infertility can relate to me. That my ‘success’ makes them feel hopeful and motivated.

I could never have anticipated how it might feel to finally be pregnant after goodbye. I used to be so disillusioned by the fight we had on our hands that I couldn’t even begin to imagine it. But I can safely say that holding our daughter in my arms for the primary time, and awakening to her little smiling face every single day ever since, I'm asleep with everything we've been through. Everything happens for a reason, and that I firmly believe that.

[oolaquotes]

Life’s too shit to be crying. Embrace the shittyness