#’when he was 50 he had a ~love affair~ with a 16 year old boy who worked at the docks’ like stfu. SO MANY OF US DIDNT DO THAT. IDOLIZE THEM

[housecatclawmarks]

It feels important to note that while there can be very healthy age gap relationships between adults and there are ppl in their 20s who seek out much older partners (which im not gonna tell them not to! they’re adults w a right to fuck & it’s none of my goddamn business), there is not a ‘positive tradition of gay age gap relationships’ and I think it’s good to asses that statement critically when someone says it to you.

The historic frequency of age gap relationships in Western gay culture specifically, especially Britain, does not come from roots that have anything intrinsically to do with homosexuality. What it comes from is specifically rich, mostly white queer men doing what many, many rich white men have done throughout history regardless of sexuality-using their racial & class power to have consensual or coercive sex with young working class people & people of color. The power imbalance between age&experience AND financial status was romanticized a Lot by these rich gay men in the late 19th and early 20th century (think about ppl like Oscar Wilde, Walt Whitman, E.M. Forster, Edward Carpenter, etc) and relationships with poor young men & sometimes teenaged boys were sought out enthusiastically under the guise of imitating ‘the Greek acceptance of homosexuality’-which makes sense when you consider where & how a lot of these men were educated.

The illegality of gayness & oppression of lgbt people definitely made it hard to find examples of same-gender attracted people in society, which helps contribute to the Greek imitation thing but also more importantly created situations where young lgbt people who were working class, who were immigrants, who weren’t white were facing the most severe consequences under the law for their sexuality & gender expression, were living the hardest lives, & were easier to exploit by rich and powerful men because of it. The ones doing the exploiting weren’t doing it because they were gay, the criminalization of homosexuality just made it easier for them to take advantage as they did the same thing their heterosexual peers did to young women & girls who were working class, immigrants, & women of color.

If anything the fact that conditions in the UK & US have improved so much legally and socially for cis gay people has made it much more achievable to have ethical, healthy age gap relationships between people who want them, even though these issues do still exist. Again, it definitely can and does happen, and adults have the right to date & fuck each other if they want to, but that type of relationship does not need to be culturally tied to something unhealthy, coercive, & produced by classism and racism.

It’s a subject I think a lot of western gay people & historians shy away from talking about and really seeing as what it was because we’re so often wrongly smeared as pedophiles & gay sexuality is accused of being predatory to children & teens as way to harm and criminalize gay people, and I understand the fear of playing into that, which is why it’s so important to me to emphasize again that this exploitation was a product of class and racial inequality and homo/transphobia, not an innate quality of gay or trans society. But we do need to talk about it! We need to address it! And (saying this As one) white gay men NEED to find queer history & role models who aren’t rich, imperialist pedophiles-there have been SO MANY OF US who aren’t that! the majority of queer people in history have not been that! We have a rich culture and history to draw from here without glorifying or toning down really gross, predatory behavior from a handful of wealthy men & the class that enabled them.

[kindofinprogress]

What. A. Git.

Harry Potter fell in love at 18.

At least, that’s how old he was when he realized he was in love. He’d felt quite at home in this state so surely it must have happened when he wasn’t looking. Perhaps it happened when he was 16 and playing quidditch with her in the back garden of her home or later that year when an untamed amount of anger filled him at the sight of another boy near her in all the ways he’d wish he could be. Maybe it happened after their historic first kiss in front of 50 of their peers or the subsequent, equally as historic (although much more private), “walk” after said kiss. Maybe it was later, when he was 17, sometime in the nine grueling months he had to spend away from her- where all he could do was try and not think about how much he missed her. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that, right? Or, it could have happened the second, the very mind-clouding moment, that he got to hold her in his arms again after those nine months and the battle that ended the war in which he lost so much. But not her. She managed to come out on the other side and he couldn’t thank enough deities about it if he tried.

Whenever it was- he was sure he was fully, irrevocably, assuredly, enduringly, and all of the other painfully cliche words one could come up with, in love exactly one month after she left on a train for her last year of schooling.

Harry Potter was pitiful. That’s the word that Ron used, anyway. Well, if not being able to stand missing Ginny, his Ginny after the longest, grueling month of his life then that was fine. Alright, perhaps it was possible he’d had worse months so maybe he could tone down the dramatics. But, Harry rationalized, last year he had countless “worst” months- one right after the other in what at the time seemed like an endless string. And even back then he would have given up the world to be able to drop everything and get one good look at her. And he could do that now- quite easily and with a lot less at stake.

Read on AO3

It was after dinner at the Burrow where Harry sat in a room eating a delicious plate made by a stern and loving woman who’s laugh and annoyed tuts reminded him of his Ginny, sat next to a man with his Ginny’s wonderful curiosity, and surrounded by her brothers who had a mischievous edge to their jokes which only his Ginny could rival that he decided he would do just that. Drop everything and go see her- no matter how pathetic that made him in the eyes of his best mate.

Dinner was a more quiet affair these days. Spirits had livened up just enough at the end of September to where everyone could joke and ask each other about their days with genuine interest because they didn’t always end up back at sorrow-filled points but not enough that not at least one persons’ eyes welled up with tears by the end of the night. Or that someone had to excuse themselves when they almost mentioned Fred. But tonight, it wasn’t the collective longing for Fred to fill his seat at the dinner table or the mention of Teddy and the painful reminder that a 60-year-old woman and an 18-year-old man were now his main caretakers rather than his young and kind parents that created a knot in Harry’s throat. It was the mention of Ginny and the oh-how-busy-she-must-be fussing over her too-short letters home and her oh-so-important exams at the end of the year. After she came up Harry was in no mood to answer questions about his training, or if he and Ron would want the leftovers from tonights’ dinner, or to stay ‘round for after dinner drinks with the boys. Harry did stay, not from a lack of trying to leave though. Ron practically plucked him out of the floo and forced an ale into his palm. “Lighten up, we’ll see them at the end of October in Hogsmeade. No need to let a few miles soil our night.”

So, fine. Harry stayed and sulked over exactly one drink. He bid the clan of red-headed brothers goodnight while Ron went to the loo. Harry got home, put on his pajamas, washed his face and wrote a quick note to Ginny to meet him in the Shrieking Shack on the following night- October first. It was a Thursday and Harry figured it was too early in the year for any professors to be dishing out detentions to a castle full of grieving students and it wasn’t a special feast that night so the only thing that might get in his way would be Hermione’s time table.

The next morning, after about 5 more “you’re absolutely pitiful”’s from Ron, and a detailed description of exactly what he was to tell their training Auror his excuse for skiving off in the middle of a work week Harry set off for Hogwarts.

He arrived in town with enough time to stop by the Hog’s Head and grab dinner at the dusty bar and a quick conversation with the aloof Aberforth. The night’s air was well chilly as he made his way to the old, creaking shack and it wasn’t much better from inside. Harry made quick work to try and warm the place up with some charms but only managed to make it bearably stuffy before the door from the secret passage swung wide open and a red blur launched into his chest. Harry took in her flowery scent and dug his fingers into her hips bringing her as close as possible to him. Ginny looked up and met his eyes and Harry couldn’t help but bring his mouth to hers. The kiss was simple and all-consuming. It made his mind swirl. When he finally broke it and got a good look at her face he couldn’t help the soppy grin that overtook his features. It was so easy to let the world melt away and feel so happy with his Ginny around.

“Hey, you. You didn't just come all the way here to stare at me all night did you? We have pictures for that sort of thing you know.”

“Sorry.” He blurted. “No, that’s not what I came for. But it is quite fun. Be quiet and give me about another minute, would you?”

“Harry!” She giggled and swat at his arm. She leaned in and gave him a quick peck before untangling herself from him. “Why did you come? Is everything alright?” Her expression softened with concern in a way that made her look so absolutely endearing Harry swept her up and rightfully snogged her. When they broke apart, panting and out of breath minutes later he apologized again. “Sorry- couldn’t help it.”

He gave her a sheepish smile suddenly feeling just as pathetic as Ron had painted him to be. “I just. Er- I missed you. Is all. And I- I just wanted to see you. Is that okay? I’m sorry, you didn’t have anything important going on did you? Practice? I don’t even bloody know when you practice and I just made you drop everything because I’m a pathetic sop. I’m sor-”

Ginny shut him up with one of those small pecks that took his breath and all coherent thoughts away. “You silly man. Of course it’s alright, Harry. It’s more than alright. I’ve missed you too. I do have to admit you made me nervous with that note. It didn’t say anything!”

“Oh, bugger. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright, it freaked Hermione out enough to let me off the hook from studying with her tonight. We’ve been going over the same bloody chapter all week, Harry! I know you warned me but Godric, Hermione is boring me to tears and I think she’s enjoying it!”

Harry laughed and they exchanged another small moment of pure bliss. She had a way of doing that, Harry noticed. Filling a moment with everything. Filling him to the brim with happiness in the most minute ways. In that moment Harry wondered if that’s what his father felt for his mother. Later, Harry would reason with himself that James must have- for if anything was worth falling in love and marrying a girl straight out of school in the middle of a war that that feeling -this feeling- must have been in.

“Please, do carry on about your wild school year full of studying and classes.”

“Oh, only if you promise to drone on about your stuffy old coworkers and shoes that pinch your toes.”

“Hey, I’m serious! I want to know everything. I know you don’t put it all in your letters. I can tell your hand gets cramped when your writing gets all crooked and starts leaning on its side- which happens in every letter so I know you haven’t included everything you’ve wanted to.”

So Ginny spent the next half hour telling Harry about everything she felt was too little to write in her letters. Truthfully, she thought they were too little to be mentioning now when they had such a short time together but he truly seemed to be enjoying the conversation so she kept on only so he would keep looking at her like that. Like she was enchanting and everything. Ginny got the sudden courage to do something she’d been terrified of for weeks. “I had my career meeting with McGonagall my first week.” Harry searched deep in his brain for something to say to that- try as he might he couldn’t think of any specifics to ask- surely she’d mentioned this to him before. It was one of the most important meetings 5th, 6th, and 7th years had yearly and Ginny must’ve- “I didn’t mention it before because what we talked about just kind of happened. I just blurted it out without meaning to and she encouraged me, Harry. Me! She really thinks I’m capable of it.” Ginny let anticipation hang in the air for a second- reveling in the way she had Harry’s undivided attention. “She’s getting scouts from all over to come watch me play! I’m going to play quidditch professionally, Harry! Well, maybe. I have to be impressive enough for them to actually offer anything but-”

“You’re going to be amazing, Gin. Those scouts won’t know what hit them.”

“Oh, Harry. I knew I was right to wait to tell you before anyone else.”

Harry’s heart swelled with pride. He felt like he’d won a prize at that. It was in that moment that Harry realized he needed this for the rest of his life. To be the first one she shared good news with, to never miss out on being her biggest supporter, to get to watch her smile like this. To be around for all things Ginny Weasley.

It was ridiculous, then, the thought that before this visit he hadn’t known he was in love with her. She was Ginny Weasley. Beautiful Ginny who had boys falling at her feet, kind Ginny who took care of everyone she came in contact with, brilliant Ginny who was quick as a whip, brave Ginny who fought in a war at age 16 and faced much darker still at age 11- his Ginny. His talented, talented Ginny who was going to be a professional athlete. How cool was that? She was so cool and brave- his Ginny. Just looking at her now, talking a mile a minute, blushing at the confession that she’d been worried about her family’s reaction to her decision- about his reaction, eliciting confidence- he knew he was head over heels in love. She deserved the world and Harry would do anything to be the one to personally hand it to her.

Harry spent a while celebrating with Ginny and reluctantly left her to go to bed -way past her curfew- after about her tenth yawn. With promises to write and see each other soon Harry left on his way home feeling much lighter than he had in weeks.

Harry had always thought when he felt love for the first time it would be a bit more climactic than this. But strangely, this felt much better than any notion of falling in love he’d built up in his head. This was easy… natural. Nothing dramatic or flashy just… just the sheer act of being with Ginny was enough. And he was so fine with that.

It wasn’t until much later- in the early hours of the morning when Harry was finally crawling into bed that he realized he hadn’t even told her he loved her. What. A. Git.

[drethanramslay]

A funny thing called Fate: Chapter 1

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Aisha Khurrana)

Word count: 2.6K words

Series Masterlist 

Masterlist

Warning: None really, just some cursing

Author's note: Hello!! I am back with the first chapter of "A funny thing called Fate" and this time this is in Bryce's POV

Like I said last time, there would be time jumps so you will be seeing both- 16 year old Bryce and present day Bryce

Just a word of caution, 16 year old Bryce (according to me) is your typical bad boy who is a jerk and upholds his reputation and prestige as the most important priorities

I decided to take part in @choicesseptemberchallenge20​ the prompt being- LOST

Also decided to take part in @choicesweeklychallenge​ the prompt being "I just... don't know. Honestly."

Both of them will be in bold

TERMS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:

-> kanilehua: Motherfucker (I literally googled curse words in Hawaiian language so please forgive me if they are wrong 🤧)

-> okole: Butt/ Ass

-> budhiya: old woman in Hindi

Forgive me if I make any mistakes

10 years ago- Bryce's POV

"Aloha!!" Bryce's cheerful voice ran clear through the hallways as he approached his teammates, instantly capturing the attention of the people.

"Hey Bryce, my man." Jason, his best friend stepped forward and did a complicated handshake with him before patting his back.

"How was the summer?" Kai, his other best friend spoke up as he leaned against the lockers, his dark hair falling on his eyes.

"You know the usual. Practice and stuff. My parents did take us to Australia. The waves there are sweet." Bryce whistled lowly, remembering how he spent numerous days surfing at sea.

"What a lucky bastard. Do you think your parents would adopt me?" Jason asked causing Kai to chuckle.

At this point, they would want anyone but me as their son. A dark look passed on his face but he hid it behind the over cheerful and happy go lucky mask.

"So, what's up with you guys?!" He asked, smoothly changing the topic.

Jason began. "Well I for one, had a fun summer hanging out at the beach, enjoying the sun-"

"-having flings left, right, centre." Kai completed the sentence, snickering.

"As if you weren't the one who fooled around more. You broke so many hearts, Kai!!" Jason rolled his eyes.

"But I finally settled down, unlike your unsettled ass." Kai exclaimed.

"50 bucks you will break up with him in ten days." Kai narrowed his green eyes and smacked the back of Jason’s head. 

"Wow, seems like I have some catching up to do." Bryce smirked.

Kai turned towards Bryce, suddenly serious. "Glad you brought it up. We have a proposition for you."

Bryce incredulously raised his eyebrow.

"Your two o'clock. Short brunette with glasses. Don't be too obvious."

Bryce ran his hand through his long hair and his amber eyes fell on the girl.

He leaned against the locker near Jason.

"What's her deal?"

"Apparently, she joined the school last year and has been on the low. Keeps to herself, certified nerd, teacher's pet and super uptight."

Bryce eyed her and he recognized that she was in his chemistry class last year.

Aisha Khurrana.

"Wait... That's Aisha. She was in my chemistry class last year. Introverted and quiet."

Jason did a double-take. "Wait really? Well, that makes it easier for us."

"Good. I will make y'all talk to her-"

Kai stopped him midway. "Woah, woah, woah. We don't want to interact with her. You are the one doing this."

"Will one of you kanilehua tell me what the fuck is going on?" Bryce asked, getting annoyed.

"After the legendary prank Ano pulled last year, it's time we step up. So while you were tanning your okole in Australia, Jason and I were brainstorming to come up with a better idea."

Jason continued. "So we decided that you could get her fall in love with you before the finals and boom! We could pull the prank on prom."

Bryce's eyed widened. "Woah, don't you think that's extreme?"

Kai rolled his eyes. "Please, Ano humiliated a teacher and exposed that he was having an affair with a junior. I don't think it's that extreme."

"What is this prank you have planned on prom?"

Jason waved his hand. "We haven't worked out the details but we have the entire year to do that. You on the other hand... Are running out of time."

Bryce's eyebrows furrowed. "And why can't either of you take this up?"

"Because Kai here is surprisingly getting cosy with Kaeo the jock from Sunset High while I am on the principal's radar for the shit I did last year. I am this close to getting expelled." Jason enunciated his point by touching his pointer finger and thumb.

"Jas... you're touching your fingers."

"Exactly."  

"So will you take one for the team?”

Bryce sighed. "I just... don't know. Honestly." 

“Bro, this could literally make or break our popularity bro. You don't want to be the laughing stock of the school, do you?" They asked with puppy eyes.

The peer pressure and the need to uphold his reputation as the golden boy made him raise his hands in defeat. His eyes glanced at the losers down the hall, who people were blatantly ignoring.

Definitely don't want to fall in that category.

"Fine. I will do it. But you will owe me."

"That's our boy." The boys whooped as they clapped his back.

Bryce's eyes wandered to his new target, finding her brown eyes staring right back at him. The flecks of hazel shone with curiosity but her face was impassive as if she didn't want to let anyone in.

Well, this is going to be an interesting year, Aisha Khurrana. Bryce thought to himself.

PRESENT

When Bryce woke up this morning, he didn't think his day would turn out this way.

Who would have fucking thought that the one girl you could never get over shows up at the hospital you are a surgical intern at?

Not me.

He was looking forward to this fresh start. A new city where no one knew who he was and he hoped it stayed that way. To hone his craft and become one of the best surgeons in the country. Anything to get rid of the stains on his name.

After Aisha left at the beginning of Junior year of high school, things were hard. Not that anyone was going to believe him but he actually loved her and no matter how many people he hooked up with, no matter how much he drank himself to oblivion, there was just no getting over her.

He often wondered- no believed that he had lost his one shot at love.

You only get one great love and of course, I had to blow it up, and for what? Popularity? Reputation? That already went down the drain because of my beloved dad.

When he finally got his head in the game and things were bearable, the scandal happened towards the end of the Senior year. Sure, he could hide face during the summers, lounging in his gaudy compound. But he could hear the occasional shouts and protests out of the gates of his home, reminding him that he couldn't escape the truth.

To distract himself from his dad going to trial, his mom selling out to the feds and his baby sister crying from the stress, he dove right into his studies, hoping to score well in his SATs so that he could get away from Maui.

But there was still one year of high school left, and that was fucking awful. He was relentlessly bullied at every turn of the corridor, got the stink eye from the teachers and people jumped away from him as if he was a social pariah.

Technically, I was.  

Though his parents were very tight-lipped about the details of the case, it wasn't that hard to get to know more from the internet. And the fact that the people in his school always made it a point to remind him.

Aisha's dad was one of the people who worked for the company that got screwed over by his dad.

Bryce had given up after all these years that he will ever find her again. He often wondered what would he do if he were to meet her again. The apologies he would say and the monologue on how ‘he was never the same after she left’ had been practised over and over again.

But right there she was, half-naked in front of him, completely at the loss of words. His eyes wandered, making sure if it was the same girl from tenth grade. There was a nose piercing and he saw a little ink near a hip.

"Aisha?" He repeated, completely shocked, his jaw dropped. Never in his entire life has he felt the loss of words.

They stared into each other's eyes, chocolate brown eyes meeting his amber ones, completely lost.

But that moment didn't last for long because Jackie shutting the locker made them realize that this was indeed reality.

Aisha managed to snap out of her reverie. "Oh my fucking god, I don't have time for this shit." She rapidly threw on her fresh sets of scrubs and slammed her locker before making a move.

Bryce stepped in her path, blocking her. "What are you doing here?!"

Her eyes snapped up to meet his, the familiar fire and hatred flooding in those brown orbs. "Well, I could ask you the same thing Mr. I-will-become-a-lawyer. Now out of my way, I'm getting late for the orientation." Though she was short (5 feet 3 inches to be precise), she still managed to slam her shoulder against his chest and walk away.

"Oh My God!!" Jackie's voice resounded after a few quiet moments.

"Put a cap on it nose wipe." He muttered as he rubbed the area where Aisha slammed against him.

"I didn't say anything."

"Yeah but that expression says it all." He rolled his eyes as put his stethoscope into his breast pocket.

"But, for real. Who is she?" Jackie asked, inquisitiveness laced in her voice.

Bryce flicked her nose. "I found your nose in my business, why don't you take it right out?"

"Ugh. Fine. Keep your secrets. C'mon, let us get to the orientation before it gets over."

"Yap. Right behind you."  The duo headed towards the main atrium and made their way towards the front so that they could hear the hospital chief. The rest of the interns were already gathered in front of the stairs upon which an impressive, statuesque woman stood and spoke.

That is Dr Harper Emery!! Bryce thought to himself, as the very thought of standing in the very same room as his inspiration made him giddy. He turned to talk but the excitement instantly vanished because thanks to his amazing luck, he ended up standing right next to Aisha.

The universe, what games are you playing against me? Bryce let out a sigh which caught Aisha's attention. She just gave an annoying glance and stared up, as if to ask why was this happening to her.

Both of them turned away from each other and focused on what Dr Emery was saying. "... because as of today, you are no longer students, You are doctors."

Aisha turned towards Jackie and whispered. "Psst. Who is that?"

Jackie whipped her head towards Aisha's short build. "I don't know if you are joking or are serious."

Aisha's ears getting red was the only confirmation Jackie needed. Her jaw dropped and she was physically incapacitated, unable to speak before she finally managed to string together words.

"Seriously? Did you learn medicine in the woods or something?"

Aisha's eyes narrowed and Bryce just knew that if he didn't intervene Aisha would absolutely roast Jackie and her lineage.

So, in a low voice, he spoke up. "That's Harper Emery, the hospital's new chief." A smile made his way on his face as he continued to talk about her. "She's a total badass! World-famous head of neurosurgery before she got promoted."

He turned towards Jackie, smirking. "Guess she's just a scalpel jockey too, huh?"

Giving a Cheshire grin she responded. "She's the only scalpel jockey who deserves rights."

Aisha gave a stiff nod before turning back towards the Chief.

Someone is definitely a ray of sunshine. Bryce thought to himself. His conscience promptly snarked. Bold of you to assume that this isn't your fault.

Brain... Stop. as he shook his head to shake off the guilt that slowly swirled in his chest.

"More will be demanded of you that you've ever experienced. Some of you will buckle under the pressure. Some of you will quit. But some... some of you will thrive."

"Damn... She is so inspiring... I feel like I can do anything." Aisha whispered, her brown eyes sparkling with admiration.

"Well then, can I inspire you to pipe down? I'm trying to listen."

"Can I inspire you to get your ears checked, budhiya?" Jackie looked offended but you could see the glint of amusement and respect in her eyes.

"Girls, can this fight wait until after the speech?" Bryce muttered.

"This is not fighting. This is us bonding scalpel jockey. Get on the same page." Jackie whispered causing Aisha to smirk.

"I give up. But please for the love of everything good can we keep it on the low." He shot a pleading look and they managed to shut up.

"You've been entrusted with a sacred duty: the care and wellbeing of every man, woman and child who enters this hospital. Are you ready?"

The interns promptly burst into applause and they look around, sharing excited smiles with their new colleagues.

Harper Emery raised her hand, to silence the applause. "You'll be introduced to your senior residents tomorrow but for now, you'll be partnering up for your first patients. Your assignments are posted on the board. Good luck, doctors!!"

Bryce swaggered up to his board and searched for his name and found out that he was paired with a Samantha.

Wait for a second... that name sounds fami-

"You?" He swirled around towards the feminine sound and as soon as his eyes landed on her, the memories hit him.

Him running his hands through her hair whilst they kissed passionately against the door of her apartment. Her running her hands down his abs and pulling him by the loops of his belt. Both of them lost in the sensation of each other and Bryce still had the scratch marks on his back to remind him of the amazing night they had the previous day.

"Sam? I didn't know you worked here!!"

"Well fate is a funny thing, isn't it? So apparently we are partners?"

"Yap and we need to take our cases from the residents and be on our way. Are you ready?" Bryce asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

"I was born ready baby." Sam winked as she started pushing her way through the throng of interns and Bryce followed suit.

When they finally were free, Jackie showed up next to him followed by Aisha and another girl who had a striking resemblance to Chief Emery.

"See you later meathead."

"Try not to miss me too much." He winked before glancing towards Aisha. Their eyes met and she immediately looked the other way, chatting with her partner.

"It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun, shall we?" Sam asked her eyes twinkling which just made Bryce smile.

-------------------------------------------------------------

It was going good so far. He had been allotted two cases that day. One with a routine appendectomy and the second one being a benign tumour removal from the right lung. With a cool, calm collected mind, the two of them diagnosed the patients, raising eyebrows.

"Dr Lahela, what is the treatment plan?" Dr Tanaka, the head of cardiovascular surgery asked.

"Well we are administering her with tumour shrinking drugs like bromocriptine so that we could decrease the size and then after a couple of days we will take her for surgery."

Dr Tanaka gave a nod of appreciation. Sam turned and held the young patient's hand. "Miss, you are in good hands and if you have any more questions you can always ask for us."

"Thank you so much, Dr Anderson."

They stepped out of the room and Bryce shut the door behind them.

"Keep an eye on her and do checks every four hours. Good job." Dr Tanaka turned on his heels and only when he was out of earshot Sam fist-bumped Bryce.

"The surgical society is back at it again."

"God Sam that was awful." He groaned as he pulled his pen out to sign the charts.

"Well, that just means I need to keep thinking of names for the dynamic duo. See you later byeee."

He shook his head and gave the charts to the nurses' station before whistling down the confusing corridors of Edenbrook when suddenly he heard a thud sound from the nearby supply closet.

Must be a doctor who is not having a good day.

He stopped before the door, contemplating whether he should enter or leave but his instinct to help overpowered and he cracked open the door to see Aisha leaning heavily against the racks, her back towards him. Her shoulders were shaking and he could hear her heavy breathing.

He was about to leave unnoticed when Aisha’s voice wafted over to him. “get in or get out. Don’t hold it open.” She glanced towards the door and Bryce knew that he could kiss his unnoticed exit goodbye.

Oh boy. 

Oh? so we have a new character 👀 And um that really wasn't the reunion Bryce was looking forward to lol

And now the supply closet yikes yikes yikes okay now i will shut up heheheh

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[charmedseoull]

Interview with sugamins about her work House of Cards (Ao3′s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work)

Before You Read the Interview

Archive of Our Own Transcript

Reddit Transcript Part 1 / Part 2

House of Cards is documented within the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Works on Archive of Our Own Project, otherwise known as T50BTS, by Charmedseoul. It is the second most hit English work on the Archive of Our Own platform, most hit BTS work, and 16th most hit work overall. It centers around the internationally popular K-Pop idol group BTS (Bangtan Sonyeondan) with the main characters being Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook. This work is being documented for historical purposes for the Fanlore website with its own page. Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who plans to eventually document each of the top 50 most hit BTS work on Ao3 as in depth as this one. If you are in contact with any of the authors of these works, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Disclaimers: This interview contains spoilers for the BTS Archive of Our Own work House of Cards. The story’s Archive of Our Own tags contain violence and gangster activity, along with discussion of prostitution and drug use. The full tag list is:

Alternate Universe - Gangsters

Gang Violence

Violence

Drugs

Drug Use

Explicit Sexual Content

Explicit Language

Blood and Gore

Blood and Torture

Gambling

Gunplay

Undercover

Disturbing Themes

Homophobic Language

Attempted Rape/Non-Con

Xenophobia

Dom/sub

Threesome - M/M/M

Drug Addiction

Dubious Consent

This interview discusses an 18+ mature work and Not Safe for Work topics. Please read this interview at your own discretion. You are responsible for the content you consume.

House of Cards by sugamins is a multi-chapter Archive of Our Own fanfiction that follows police officer Kim Taehyung’s undercover operation into the gangster world of Haedogje Pa. Jeon Jungkook, shrouded in an air of mystery and dubbed “The Boy,” is the heir to this crime empire. Park Jimin lives with him, acting as a lover of sorts in a high, pristine penthouse apartment. The story follows the three and their complicated relationship where sex, violence, and drugs surround them. Kim Taehyung tries to take down the empire as his moral lines of black and white begin blurring into gray. In this crime-ridden alternate reality to Seoul, everything from the structure of the gangster world to the trust between three lovers is as fragile as a house of cards.

Now presenting the interview with sugamins, author of Archive of Our Own’s second most hit English work and most hit BTS work, House of Cards:

How did you start writing?

How did you get into fanfiction?

How much writing experience did you have prior to House of Cards?

Do you have any literary or artistic inspirations? Any other authors or works that have inspired you to create anytime before or after House of Cards?

How did you become an ARMY [ARMY stands for Adorable Representative MC for the Youth. It is the fandom name for fans of BTS, otherwise known as Bangtan Sonyeondan]?

I started writing fanfiction in 2012. But before then, I used to enjoy writing stories as a child and young teenager. I used to write and illustrate my own stories. I even had a sketchbook filled with my own comic book, which was terrible! But I've always been creative. It started with art and then I moved onto writing when I discovered I was able to be much more creative with my words rather than my pencil.

I first got into fanfiction through my years spent on Tumblr. I had always known that it had existed, but I had never really gone looking for it because I hadn't belonged to a fandom at that point in my life. It was back in 2012 when I stumbled upon an EXO fanfic that a lot of people were talking about (Arbitrage, you can find it on Livejournal.) I read it and then thought...wow, so this is fanfiction! From that point, I started reading more and more, mostly Infinite fanfiction. And then I decided to start writing with the encouragement of an old online friend, and here I am!

In terms of writing experience, I have never formally received education. I stopped studying English Language and Literature when I was 16, instead focusing on Art, History, and Religious Education (purely because I wanted to learn about philosophy and quantum mechanics) for my final two years at high-school. The only experience I have is through writing fanfiction. I started back in 2012, and I've developed a lot since then. I started off small, writing horror short stories and little collections. Brotherhood was the first 'long fic' I created. I was shocked that it managed to get so big because I had never created a story of that size before. Writing helped me gain experience and figure out what worked and what didn't work, what I was good at writing, and where I was lacking and needed to learn. I don't think you can really experience an art form until you start doing it. You can learn all about the techniques and the conventions, but until you pick up a pen and start writing or drawing, you won't ever know what it means to create.

My literary inspiration has always been Stephen King. Which is funny, as he has described himself as 'having diarrhea of the typewriter.' I think that applies to me sometimes. I am a bit of a wordy writer, though I've started honing it down for certain stories. Sometimes, a story needs to be floral and descriptive, sometimes, it needs to be punchy and direct. So, King was my major inspiration, especially with horror. I also enjoy the works of Poe and Lovecraft (I acknowledge the problematic themes in the work of Lovercraft and seek not to praise him as a person. He was a terrible person for sure, but sadly, he had a way with cosmic horror that is hard to find.) I also enjoy Chuck Palahniuk and the dark, seedy and overall zany stories that he has created. I like his style a lot!

In terms of inspirations for House of Cards, I was obviously inspired by the films Infernal Affairs/The Departed. American Gangster and Training Day were also major inspirations (and also because I love Denzel Washington's performances in both films. I mean, who doesn't love him?) But I also drew inspiration from other sources that were less focused on gangs, more focused on the dark, nihilistic state of the world around us. I couldn't recommend the TV series True Detective hard enough. It is one of the best series I have ever watched. It handles dark and disturbing content so well, and its fractured, unreliable story-telling and philosophical musing is some of the best I've ever seen on screen. I highly recommend checking it out, but be sure to check the content warning and triggers because it certainly isn't suitable for younger audiences and those with triggers. In terms of real-life content, I think Ross Kemps' docu-series are very good. Particularly Extreme World and On Gangs. His docu-series show the dark and disturbing side of criminal activity, the drug trade and more. 

I became a fan of BTS [Bangtan Sonyeondan] back in 2013. I had already been a fan of K-Pop for some time by then, as I had started listening to various K-Pop and K-Rock artists back in 2009. I knew of their debut, but I had seen hundreds of new acts debut by the time that they broke into the scene, and so I didn't pay much heed. Someone I followed on Tumblr at the time kept posting about how much she loved them, especially Taehyung [BTS V/Kim Taehyung]. One day, I stumbled upon a gifset of Yoongi [BTS Suga/Min Yoongi] being sarcastic in one of their first interviews. I thought he was funny, so I decided to check them out. At the time, they had recently released We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 [BTS’s second music video release with their debut album 2 Kool 4 Skool]. I followed them from that point, and their first comeback [A “comeback” refers to when a K-Pop idol group releases new music, usually done twice a year.] was also my first comeback. I liked their music [BTS released Boy In Luv and Just One Day in 2014, both music videos of songs from their Skool Luv Affair EP.], but I liked them even more as individuals. I loved watching their shows [Here is a link to BTS’s schedule during 2014 when they had their first comeback. You can find the shows and interviews they were on there.], even though they are incredibly embarrassing to look back on now. They just had so much energy and looked to be having so much fun that I was having fun just watching them. I was a fan, I liked a lot of their songs and followed their activities. But it wasn't until they released HYYH Part One [Hwa Yang Yeon Hwa Part 1 (Korean) = The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1 (This is the title in English), released with the I Need U and Dope music videos.] that I really became a fan of their music. I had already created a couple of small horror stories for the fandom at that point. HYYH Part One [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1] inspired me so much that I created Brotherhood, my first 'long fic.' I joined AO3 [Archive of Our Own] and started posting there. I received so much support from fellow fans that I carried on writing, and the rest is history!

How has your experience being an ARMY [Adorable Representative MCs of the Youth, BTS’s global fan base name.] been? Did you ever leave the fandom then come back? How did you interact with others when you first got into the fandom and as you grew up?

How have you been since you wrote House of Cards? What have you been working on? 

Are you okay with talking about how old you are now and how old you were when you wrote House of Cards?

Before you even wrote House of Cards, what inspired it? Any TV shows? Music? Movies? Books? Ideas? It could be anything.

How did you start writing House of Cards? Did you finish the entire story then publish it or did you write it as you went? What was the writing process like?

Did you have any beta readers or editors? If you did, are you still in contact with them now? How did they feel about your work?

My experience being a fan has mostly been positive over the years. In the earlier days, back around when I first started writing for the fandom, it was certainly much more positive. I've received so much support over the years, not only in my writing but in my personal life from readers and fellow fans that being a fan of the boys [The members of BTS] really has changed my life. That's not an exaggeration. I doubt I would even be here now without those years having such a positive effect on my mental health. I've never really been the kind to interact with others and form cliques within the fandom, I just like being in my own space and interacting with everyone that comes my way, I guess?

These days, I'm not as active as a writer or in fandom spaces however. I feel like my time in the fandom has started to come up and I don't know how I feel about it just yet. I feel nostalgic for the time when I was first starting out in the fandom and I didn't really know much, but everything was fun. It doesn't feel so fun now, but I mostly contribute that to the effect that Twitter has had on shaping the fandom's growth. Twitter has never been a good place for creatives within fandoms because of issues with algorithms and such. Tumblr was always the better website for hosting artistic content for a variety of reasons. So, I think the fact that everything is on Twitter now has been partly responsible for my decline in engagement and overall enjoyment. I'm currently taking a break from Twitter. The next couple of months will be what makes me either stay or leave the fandom.

Since writing House of Cards, I've been an active writer in the fandom. Over the years, I've added quite a lot of stories to my AO3 accounts and various pseuds. My largest ongoing story is another gang story, set in the 1980s, called Valentino Summers. I actually started writing and publishing it on Ao3 just four or so months after I finished House of Cards—which is wild to think about. Finally finishing House of Cards seems like such a long time ago in my mind, and yet I'm still working on a story I created that same year! I like contributing horror stories to the fandom, especially in the Halloween period. I like publishing series in the month/upcoming weeks before Halloween—though I won't be doing so this year [2020].

When I started writing House of Cards, I would have just turned 22. It was inspired by the song 'Wires' by The Neighbourhood. I might be mistaken, but I believe that Jungkook [BTS Jungkook/Jeon Jungkook] posted a tweet with the song in it. [Jungkook did tweet about this song. Here is the English translation.] I had never heard of the band before, but my partner was a fan of their music. She sent the song to me and I was very interested in the lyrics, so I started discussing them with her. One thing led to the next, and then we had basically come up with the entire plot of the story. We just needed to create the characters. We spent a little while doing so, and then I started doing some research and started writing the story. There really isn't a grand backstory to House of Cards, it just happened so fast. We often come up with story ideas like that, and my partner is responsible for a huge amount of my stories. She has the creative visions, which I then turn into words. We make quite the team, haha~ The inspirations, I mentioned those in my previous answer regarding films and TV shows.

I published the story as I went, though I staggered the updates because I didn't want to post too frequently. I had the entire story planned out from the start——I didn't change a single aspect of the story no matter what I received in terms of feedback. I think a lot of readers assume that writers might tweak things if they sense the audience wants something to happen in terms of plot or relationships. Personally, I don't like doing that. I like sticking to my plans even if I know my vision might not be what the readers want. I think it's important for the story to be created the way I see it because my vision is what made me create it, if that makes sense.

The writing process was surprisingly smooth! You might not think it because the story is big and there are a lot of characters and plot threads to keep on top of, but it went smoothly for me. It flowed just as smoothly from start to finish as Brotherhood did. I never struggled once with writing the chapters, nor did I ever get stuck and wonder if I should change the content in order to make it easier to write. I'm surprised that I managed to complete it so easily because that's not the case with writing now! I tend to be a lot slower now, more deliberate and more open to changes in order to ease the process and the overall flow of the story. In a way, this change has been for the best. I do wonder what House of Cards would be like if I were to write it now, with my different approach to planning and writing. It would probably have a quicker flow, and the word count would either go down as a result of cuts, or go up because of additional scenes I would have likely included.

I didn't have any betas, which you can probably tell from the work. My stories are so big that I never wanted to put the burden of fixing them onto someone else. I know they are imperfect, oftentimes bloated things, but that's just what they are. I did try creating a story with another writer in the past, but it didn't go very well. She would often have conflicting opinions on things and would not have any leeway for anything I suggested, whereas I always had leeway to allow her to change things. Even to the point of completely changing the plot of the story that I had already started writing, and then allowing her to add graphic sexual content she didn't even want to be in the story. She actually stopped writing fanfiction randomly in the middle of us creating the story! She made a post about it being disgusting and nasty and then bowed out. I have no clue if she ever came back! So, my negative experience with attempting to work with someone else when creating a story kind of made me not want to have a beta. It's a wild story, I know!

House of Cards is praised for its realism and accuracy with weaponry, torture, sex, and violence. How did you research these things?

How did you come up with the gangster universe in House of Cards? How did you develop Haedogje Pa?

How did you name the original characters in House of Cards? Did any characters in particular take inspiration from existing characters in TV shows, anime, books, any type of media?

How did you decide on Vminkook as your main characters for the story? What do you see in their dynamic and them as characters?

Jimin is claimed to be one of the best written characters in the entire story. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Taehyung is an especially dynamic character whose morals get tested time and time again in House of Cards. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

Jungkook is one of the characters that the readers spend the least amount of time getting a perspective from, but is incredibly well written in his character progression. What was your thought process when characterizing him and developing him?

When it came to various aspects in the story, I did do research. Most of it never really had an impact on the story itself. For example, I would be looking up gun models that are used by law enforcement agencies around the world and trying to find specs of them so I could learn how many bullets each gun held, or how much a magazine could hold. In action scenes, I didn't want my characters firing off 20+ bullets for a gun that—in reality—holds far less. That's a fact that doesn't really mean much to the average reader, but it meant something to me! I've always hated how many bullets fly through the air in action scenes in films and TV shows because I'm always wondering if it's possible with the firearms featured in the scene haha~ In terms of torture, I've come across the subject through various documentaries and TV shows about gangs, crime and serial killers. I didn't really do much additional research into the topic, beyond reading up on what I had come across to make sure it wasn't fictionalised for drama purposes. Obviously, there will be some lack of realism in my story because I couldn't possibly write a realistic portrayal of gang violence and torture when I have zero personal experience with it. My aim wasn't to give the story 'full' realism (I'll explain more about that in the next question) but to simply create a world that felt real, even if there were little aspects that had to be exaggerated for the sake of the story. Taehyung's behaviour when undercover certainly broke many procedures. The only thing working in his favour that allowed him to get away with it is that the crimes he committed couldn't be directly traced to him. But a real undercover agent would never do the things that he did on behalf of the gang. Basically, this means that the entire story is unrealistic! But of course, it wouldn't be very entertaining if Taehyung simply observed from the background and didn't dirty his hands. So, I had to bend and break the rules a little!

For the universe, I knew that I couldn't base it too much in reality. Because of basic Korean law, it would have been impossible for me to write the gang operating in the way they did in the story—especially with guns. Most Korean gangs tend to use other forms of violence and weapons in order to control their respective areas, rather than guns. My other story, Taste of Ink, has what I would consider a more realistic approach to gang activity—with the main weapons being knives, baseball bats, etc. and the main forms of violence being assault instead of flat-out murder. So, for the sake of allowing guns to appear in the story, I had to create a Neo-Seoul, so to speak. I took inspiration from Korean gangs, and mixed it with influences from other gang cultures in order to create 'Haedogje Pa.'

When it comes to naming original characters, I honestly don't put much thought into it. I like to use real names for inspiration. I often Google various Korean films I've watched and read the cast list in order to find interesting character and actor names. This is because I have a habit of reusing names sometimes. For example, readers of my stories might have come across a couple of Daesu and Goohee characters. Do you know where I got these names from? I picked Daesu from Oh Daesu - Choi Minsik's character in Oldboy. Goohee comes from the manhwa 'Let Dai' - he is the stubborn gang leader that actually has a good heart beneath his rough exterior. I ended up liking him the most by the end of the story, so his name is one that often comes to mind when I need to pick an original character name.

I never really consider real life dynamics when I'm writing because my stories are so detached from reality that it seems pointless including any inspiration from reality. I chose the three main characters simply because, at the time, they seemed to fit the character moulds the best. The other characters fit their respective characters so well (especially Namjoon [BTS RM/Kim Namjoon] and Yoongi) that I simply thought it was best to have Taehyung, Jimin [BTS Jimin/Park Jimin] and Jungkook as the three lead roles. I chose them more based on how I thought they could personally fit the characters, rather than focus on the dynamic. To use Taehyung as an example, I thought that he would fit the character of the informant in my story because in reality, he is intelligent and seemed like he would suit the role. For Jimin, I thought he would be a good choice for a character that some might think is vulnerable or even weak. He is actually very strong and the most important character for the plot progression. For Jungkook, I liked the thought of someone with such an innocent outer appearance hiding a dark secret.

I'm so glad that readers took to Jimin so positively on a whole. I know there are some that hated him, or that hated the fact I chose him for such a role (a 'negative' sex worker role). But Jimin is the most important character for the plot progression. It is through him that the entire plan finally culminates in the explosive finish. I wanted to treat him with care because I understood that his character could go very wrong if not handled correctly. It would have been easy for him to simply become nothing more than a sexual prop, should the story have focused too much on Taehyung and Jungkook as the key players. So, I decided to subvert it by giving Jimin the ultimate hand in the story and allowing him to have more control than Jungkook in the end. If Jimin had not decided to follow through with the plan, if he had decided to snitch or had simply refused to do his part in exposing the gang, the story would've ended drastically differently. But I also didn't want to write Jimin taking control of the entire situation at the end because it would've felt ingenuine. He is a character that has been deeply affected by a lifetime of trauma. I was worried that some might take my portrayal of his trauma the wrong way, and see him not as a character that has suffered immense mental damage but rather as an annoying, weak character that gets in the way of more 'interesting' dynamics. I'm sure there will be readers that think that. Mentally traumatized individuals are often seen in such negative light, be they fictional characters or real people. When writing his character, especially in the later scenes, I wanted to make sure the trauma he experienced would shape his behaviour. Writing the scene of him getting ready to leave, when he is taking his pills and he doesn't think he can do it, it was hard. It was hard getting into that headspace of feeling so powerless in the moment and knowing that freedom is in reach, but not knowing how to achieve it. He was a difficult character to write, but I think he turned out just right in the end.

Taehyung was probably the best character to write. I love characters that start off so morally upright and pristine, and by the end of the story, their backs are bending and close to breaking from the weight of their conscience and misdeeds. His character has many facets to him that made his perspectives so interesting to tackle. From his green days in the gang, where he is horrified by the violence he sees, to the changes in his psyche as he starts to become desensitized to it all. Fundamentally, Taehyung begins the story as a good man, a hero, but by the end, there is no black and white thinking. He has become grey, muddied from his time spent in the gang. Is he a hero for bringing them down? Would a hero do the things that he did in order to bring down the gang? He killed people. He tortured people. He threatened a man with a gun, a man he knew had a deepset fear of guns that would severely trigger him. I think it all depends on how the reader sees it. The hardest thing to write for his character was his troubled descent into the relationship between him, Jungkook and Jimin, and how it affects his thought processes and emotions. I didn't want House of Cards to be seen as a romantic story when I created it. If readers see it that way, they are more than entitled to their own interpretations. I cannot tell them how they can interpret my art, that is not my role as the creator. I don't know if I effectively portrayed the co-dependency between the three main characters as well as I would've liked. But I had never tackled such a story and themes before, and so it was all new to me.

I didn't know that Jungkook had the least perspective from the three main characters. Similarly, I never really put that much effort into creating and developing his character! Jungkook simply 'happened' in the moment. He would appear in the chapter, and then his character would basically take control of the scene. I never really knew what he was going to say or do beyond my rough plans for each scene. I just waited until he appeared and let the creative spirit flow through me. That's how he came to be! I've had that happen many times in the past with characters—they have a life of their own and I've no control over them. In my story, Brotherhood, Taehyung happened the same way. It was impossible to write his character in that story because he was so wild and free-spirited that it didn't feel right unless his behaviour was a total spur-of-the-moment reaction to the other characters and new plot points. But with Jungkook in House of Cards, I don't know why I didn't have him planned out like the others. It's interesting to think that he might've had a good progression when I never planned any of it in detail!

Were there any original characters you particularly liked writing or enjoyed?

When you wrote for the BTS hyung line, how did you determine their roles in the story and characterize each of them?

Is there a reason behind Namjoon saying “brother” or was it a consciously written character quirk?

When you handled more serious subject matter in House of Cards, how did you feel when writing it? Were you ever startled by your own work?

Was there any type of purposeful titling for the fanfiction chapters?

What was your reason for House of Cards’ open ending?

I liked writing Lim, the original informant that helped Taehyung join the gang. I like writing characters that come across as sleazy. In his case, the sleaze was all an act and wasn't true to his character; he was affecting it for the sake of creating a persona. But I enjoy writing absolute sleaze balls too—the kind of guys that have chest hair and wear gold chains and thick watches, who practically ooze oil. I just find them fun! Lim was a good teacher, even when he was rough around the edges. It was sad doing what I had to do to him for the sake of the plot. But I feel like Lim understood the game as well as everyone else, and so he knew he was running on borrowed time. 

Of course, I loved writing Bae Goohee too! He was an absolute bastard! I loved writing this figure that is spoken about throughout the story as a frightening man, one so brutal that the readers are already wary of him before he even appears in the story. I believe that Taehyung refers to him as a 'guard dog' at some point. I think Bae is the scariest character in the story for me because he is so ruthless and willing to do any order that the Jeon clan give to him. That kind of blind and unwavering devotion is frightening!

I also enjoyed writing Sungah and Jangmi. I think they're the only female characters in the story that have dialogue? Sungah has a great backstory that I unfortunately couldn't go into too much in the story, but it shaped her character a lot. I like how frank and intelligent she is—she holds her own even in a department filled with men that receive far more praise than she does simply because she is a woman. She also allowed me to add an angle about the unfair treatment of women in jobs that have power, drawing parallels with how Taehyung faces discrimination from his fellow officers when his sexuality is abruptly revealed during the investigation. As for Jangmi, I just liked writing about the wife of a mob boss! And not one that is simply a trophy wife, but actually has a lot of power and influence across the city. I wish I had been able to feature her more, alongside her husband, Jeon himself. But I like the scenes they appear in and I enjoyed writing them.

For the rest of the members, I had Namjoon and Hoseok [BTS J-Hope/Jung Hoseok]'s characters planned right from the start. I had also created plans for Yoongi and Seokjin [BTS Jin/Kim Seokjin], but I wasn't sure how much of a role they would play in the overall story. As I started writing them, I realised that Yoongi would play an important role in both Taehyung and Jimin's character development, and so he ended up featuring a lot more than I had expected. I planned their jobs and then let them influence how I would write them. Namjoon and Hoseok's characters came naturally. Yoongi's character completely took over his job role and basic description and became a really strong character that I'm proud of. Seokjin was a little trickier because he doesn't appear in too many scenes—but the scenes he does are integral to the plot. I needed to make sure that his character said everything he needed to in his limited scenes. He has quite the bombshell to drop after all! Seokjin was also tricky because I wanted him to have an air of mystery around him. I wanted him to be the kind of guy that not even Taehyung and his police connections would be able to unearth much about; a ghost in the system. I would've also liked for him to feature more in the story, but I feel like his character appeared in the essential scenes that the story needed. He was going to feature more in the planned sequel, being one of the first characters to appear alongside Yoongi. He was going to serve an important role, so I'm disappointed that I didn't get to show those scenes to readers.

With Namjoon, I wanted to portray him as a mature character, but not one that was conservative and stiff. I thought about having him say things like 'man' but that seemed too casual and didn't suit his character. 'Man' made him seem more like a surfer than a police officer. But when he said 'brother' in one of the scenes, I realised the word suited him better. It was fraternal, and it allowed him to show some affection towards the other characters without having to have physical contact with them. It's not the only Namjoon I've written that says 'brother' a lot. In Valentino Summers, Namjoon has experience with hippies in the neighbourhood that he lives in, so he also refers to other characters like Jimin as 'brother.' It just seems to suit him! I guess it's because I like creating Namjoon characters that are intelligent and mature, but still have a gentle and warm presence. I could picture him saying it in real life (I'm certain he already has!)

When writing serious subject matter, I'm surprised to admit that I was never shocked by what I was writing! I guess it's because I already knew that I was going to be handling dark themes. I wouldn't have tackled such subjects had I not felt comfortable doing so. Dark content isn't for everyone, and by that I don't simply mean consuming it. Creating it can be very difficult for some writers, and can even cause distress. It's not easy diving into a world that is filled with crime, pain and fear. It's even harder putting yourself into the shoes of a character that is suffering/has suffered. I was never writing in a desensitised state though. Far from it. I'm actually very sensitive to violence in reality. In fiction, it depends on the violence—but I'm usually not too affected by it. I've been a fan of horror since I was a child, and so I've seen a lot of nasty films filled with gore and 'shocking' deaths that never really had much of an effect on me. Unrealistic violence doesn't scare me. But when it comes to personal violence, that is always frightening to me. It's far scarier writing a scene where a character feels threatened by another character and doesn't know what is going to happen to them then, say, writing a scene of a character dying a bloody, ridiculous death in a horror story. Personal violence is much more realistic, therefore it is more unsettling to write. In House of Cards, the violence is very personal. It's in your face, it's inescapable for the characters that are involved in it. But at no point did I ever feel like I needed to stop writing because I was uncomfortable or scared by the content. If I had been uncomfortable, it would have been very reckless of me to continue writing the story.

My word of advice to fellow dark content writers: it's always important to recognise your own boundaries. There's nothing wrong with removing dark content from a story if you get a bad vibe or feel strange when writing/reviewing it. Always follow your gut instincts and never put out work that you don't like.

When writing stories, I vary between titling the chapters and leaving them blank. For House of Cards, I cannot remember the exact method for naming the chapters. Sometimes, the title comes to me when I am writing the plans and I have an idea that just suits the mood of the chapter. Other times, I have finished the entire chapter and I have to spend some time reviewing the content to decide that the title will be. In some cases, I have finished most of a whole story and I'm still not certain what to title it! I feel like with House of Cards, the titles came after the chapters were finished, or at least when they were works-in-progress.

There are some titles that really stand out to me. 'Nice Teeth' for example, is a really ridiculous title. Going into the chapter, I don't think many readers would've imagined what it could mean. 'Submachine Sodomy' is even funnier. I really can't believe I chose that as a title! I'll bet a lot of readers saw it and thought, "Oh no! Not another gunplay scene!" Luckily for them, it wasn't a reference to Jungkook's predilection for firearms in bed.

In terms of chapter titles that I really like: 'Delusions of Grandeur,' 'I Own This Fucking City,' 'Sleeping Dogs Bite' and 'Carpe-fucking-Diem.' I just feel like these titles are very well suited to the contents of the chapters. They are the kind of titles that have bite to them, that hint at action or an important plot point.

As for the open ending, there are a couple of reasons. First of all, I had planned to continue the story in a sequel that would pick up after the events of House of Cards, roughly a year on after the investigation. However, I did not pursue this sequel. I wanted House of Cards to end on an open note for the sequel to continue the story. When it comes to certain stories, I just feel that closed endings aren't always necessary. I often enjoy stories with open endings. With House of Cards, it didn't seem right just closing the book and saying it was over. There was still so much that needed to be explored. Unfortunately, I decided to not continue it. But I still think that House of Cards' ending fits the story.

Were there any scenes or moments or lines in House of Cards that you were particularly proud of or want to highlight?

If you were to write the Yoomin sequel to House of Cards, how would’ve that looked like?

How were readers’ reactions to your work in the beginning?

Did any reader comments stick with you in particular?

How did you take the criticisms and hatred towards House of Cards for its serious subject matter? When did those types of comments start appearing? Also, where did the hatred come from? Twitter? Tumblr? Ao3 comments? Did people harass you at all or hurt you? How did you heal from that?

House of Cards has a lot of scenes. I'm proud of most of them and I think I did the best I could when writing them. I do not really like the sex scenes, but that is because I wanted to write them in a dirty, sleazy way. If I could, I would change them. I like the action scenes, especially the Gold Monkey Casino and police raid scenes. Action scenes are hard to write! Fight scenes in particular are so tricky. I often sit there, choreographing the fights so I can describe them! I loved writing Yoongi's introduction to the story, when he walks into the scene wearing nothing but his underpants.

One scene that I really liked writing is the scene where Namjoon and Hoseok investigate the USB stick that Taehyung sends to them. I personally love Namjoon and Hoseok's characters. I always enjoyed writing them. In this scene, I liked getting to write them in a setting that was not the police department office. A scene where they got to relax and banter with each other, even though they were still working. They discover a horrifying crime ring in the city, but they are left with no choice but to keep it secret because they do not want to risk blowing Taehyung's cover. I do not know why I really like this scene, I just do.

In the sequel, which focused primarily on Jimin and Yoongi, the plans were to have them reunite through Seokjin—who has avoided jail time through a plea deal with the SMPA. They undergo a healing process together as they try to come to terms with what happened to them. Yoongi has a lot of unhealed trauma from his childhood, much like Jimin, which I only got to briefly touch upon in House of Cards. They grow closer from bonding over their traumatic experiences, and they become happier and healthier as a result. Taehyung and Seokjin were also going to be main characters, with Jungkook, Namjoon and Hoseok making supporting appearances over the duration of the story. It was going to be drastically different from House of Cards because it would be lacking in action and violence. It would have been much more intimate, with much more scenes of characters talking and discovering things about one another.

I cannot remember early reactions to the story, I just know they were positive. There was a lot of positive support from the start. As I updated and started to get more and more into the story, I received a lot of support on tumblr too. I started posting chapter previews there, as I used to get asks [On Tumblr, users are able to ask bloggers questions through an “Ask” function. This can be done anonymously or with their own blog username associated with the question.] requesting them. I got A LOT of asks on my original Tumblr from readers that wanted to discuss the characters and certain scenes. It was really interesting seeing just how much the readers were interested in the story, so much so that they wanted to learn even more about the characters and the universe I had created.

Through House of Cards, I have received comments and messages from readers that had addictions. They told me about how they recognised their own behaviors through Taehyung, and this helped them realise what was happening to them. Those comments stuck with me for obvious reasons. I have family members with addiction issues, and knowing that I could help some stranger I have never met before come to terms with their own addictive behaviours had a massive impact on me. Funnily enough, a negative comment stuck with me. It was not a bad comment, by no means meant to cause offence. It was a comment that was left on the story when I was posting the early chapters. I recall the reader asking when the story was going to pick up the pace because it was too slow. It stuck with me because, at this point in the story, Taehyung had already trained to become an undercover agent, had enrolled in the gang, had met and interacted with Jungkook, and had murdered a man. I was surprised that this amount of development had been seen as 'slow' by a reader, as I had thought the plot had been moving very fast.

I never really had any hate posted on the story when I was updating it. I got angry reactions when I had finished it. Because the story had not ended the way some readers had wanted, I think that was what caused the negative reactions. On my original Tumblr, I even got an ask about how an anon reader was going to write their own ending because my one was bad. I told them that I did not want them to take my story and change it like that. I have no idea if they ever posted the ending anywhere. The angry reactions were mostly from shippers, who were upset with the story not ending the way they had wanted. To them, I ask: what were you expecting from the story? I thought it was always obvious that Taehyung was going to do what he had set out to do from the start, so I do not think I misled readers at all. It was a story about an undercover agent taking down a gang—and that is what I wrote.

I know there was some animosity towards me on Twitter too. Twitter is a whirlpool of negativity, I am not surprised. Writing House of Cards made me appear problematic. My partner used to follow an author a long time back, who tweeted about me being problematic—despite having never interacted with me or admittedly read my stories. It was shocking to me that people were making assumptions of who I was as a person based on a story I created. I have never created stories with the aims of hurting or upsetting others. I am a very quiet and private person, and I hate the idea of hurting others. It was strange to me that people could assume me to be this cruel or even dangerous individual, intent on hurting others, because I created a fictional story. Do they think the same of script writers for television shows? Or film directors, who create films with dark subject matter? Do they think published authors are problematic people for writing dark and disturbing content? Do they think certain genres should not exist because they do not personally like them?

I do think it is strange that fan fiction writers are placed on these ridiculously high pedestals of moral absolutism. Fan fiction was created to be a space for creative outlet for marginalised individuals, particularly queer individuals. The heavy censorship of dark and unusual content is putting this entire ethos at danger. I understand not wanting to have certain topics included in stories because there is a risk that the content can be used for grooming or can be presented in a way that can negatively affect young consumers' perceptions (like pedophilia for example.) I certainly agree that there needs to be boundaries in place to stop the community from being flooded with such illegal content. But I think there is a difference between wanting to remove dangerous content, and wanting to get rid of content you do not like. Content can be problematic to you, but that does not make it dangerous, illegal, or bad. For some readers, the content they create is their way of dealing with trauma. Maybe this is not healthy for them. But that is their decision to make, not yours.

I orphaned the story because I did not want to handle the potential backlash. To put it simply, I do not handle negative criticism well. Not because I am stuck-up and think I am perfect, but because I am a very anxious person. Just reading angry comments makes me feel very uncomfortable, often nauseous. I know that House of Cards has received overwhelmingly positive feedback from readers, and for that I am thankful. But I had to distance myself for the sake of my own mental health. Since orphaning it, it exploded in popularity. I am thankful that I orphaned it because that amount of attention would frighten me a lot, haha~

What was your reaction to the fanfiction trailer by Sappiamur?

How did you come to the decision to reveal your real name in the end note of House of Cards?

How did you feel when you finished House of Cards?

How did you come to the decision to orphan House of Cards?

Did you ever anticipate the overwhelming fan reaction to House of Cards?

How do you feel knowing that House of Cards is one of the most read fanfictions on Ao3?

What do you want House of Cards to be remembered for?

What do you hope people take away from House of Cards?

Why do you think House of Cards became so popular?

I had to go back and watch it. It's been some time since I last have, and I'm still as amazed by it now as I was back then. The trailer is insane. I cannot imagine how much work went into making it. It's so good and it fits the vibes of the story to perfection. I think the first time I watched it, I was in shock. I must have repeated it at least 10 times in a row, just to make sure it was real and I wasn't imagining it. Then I think I screamed about it on my social media accounts, haha~ If you reading this have not watched the trailer, consider doing so. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Back when I first started posting fanfics, I used to get a lot of asks wanting to know my name, my pronouns, stuff like that. I thought by adding my name at the end of the stories, it would help cut down on these requests. But I also did so because I used to get a lot of asks referring to me as 'author-nim' and I didn't like being addressed by this honorific. I'm not Korean so I have no right to receive that honorific. So, I included my real name so readers could address me with it when sending me asks and interacting with me. I don't add my name at the end of my stories now, but my name is in my Twitter bio for those that want to know.

When I finished it, I felt relieved! I was so calm in the moment! Looking back on it, I can't remember much. But I do remember finishing House of Cards without any issues. The final chapters flowed smoothly, it all clicked into place, and I had a great time writing them.

I came to the decision to orphan the story after several nights of contemplation. I was considering deleting the story, along with a few others, but my partner and some friends told me I shouldn't do so. They suggested orphaning it instead. So, I did so. I didn't want to delete it in case readers that had started it had not gotten to finish it yet. I would've felt very mean robbing them of the opportunity to finish the story like that. I don't regret orphaning it instead of deleting it. I didn't want to destroy the story, I just needed some distance between me and the story.

I didn't anticipate it, and I still don't understand it! I'm shocked that House of Cards got the reaction that it received. Do I think it's a good story? Yes, I think that I worked hard to create a story that is enjoyable to read. But did I ever think it would get the reaction it did? Not in a million years! I thought that it would be one of my more popular stories because a) the pairings and b) the content. Gang stories usually tend to get a lot of attention because it's a popular genre in fanfiction. I just didn't expect it to reach such a vast amount of hits, kudos and comments.

I'm in shock that it is one of the most read stories on AO3. I don't think I will ever be able to create another story that will garner that kind of attention and feedback. It's a once in a lifetime thing, so I'm immensely proud of myself for achieving such a feat. But really, it's all because of the readers that it achieved such a goal. I'm so thankful for every single one of them.

I just want it to be remembered for being enjoyable, I think. I don't have any grand and lofty ambitions for the story. I think so long as the readers enjoyed it, that is all that matters.

I'm not sure what I would like readers to take away from House of Cards. I guess I want them to reflect on the idea of morality and that not everything is black-and-white. Good people can do bad things, and bad things can happen to good people. It's hard to answer this question because House of Cards isn't a story that I consider to have deep messages in it? There are no messages about acceptance and love and healthy relationships and such, like some of my other stories.

Honestly? I don't know what made it get so popular. I assume it's because of the pairings or the setting of the story. I know that a lot of readers say they love the story because of how well it's written, but I can't comment on that as the creator, haha~ I can't say my story is well-written as I'm not consuming it from an outside perspective. What I can say is that I do think I created a story that has a lot of twists and turns and betrayals, which I think adds to the enjoyment factor.

How are you now in 2020? Are you writing professionally in real life at all? 

How do you feel BTS fanfiction has changed over time? Since you’ve been writing for it for so long. 

Do you have any messages for people who may read this interview in the future?

I'm not writing professionally. I have self-published two books via Amazon and Lulu. One was a basic re-branding of my story babes in the woods. The other was a total rewrite of Brotherhood, which I called 'Brothers,' featuring a whole new setting and roster of characters. I published them as readers showed an interest in reading original stories. I have been considering rewriting House of Cards as an original work in the future, but I can't say for certain that I will do so.

Since I started writing, I think there's been a lot of changes in the fandom—not only in fanfiction but in general. There's been popular trends that have come and gone (I was around for the explosion of social media and text-based AUs, which I personally am not a fan of) but there's also been a lot of push for more inclusive content. I'm really happy by the amount of inclusive content that I see these days. Despite some pushback from non-queer fans that sometimes have an issue with queer subject matter (for example, trans characters) I think it's wonderful that artists of all colours, genders and sexualities are now proudly creating content they want to see, and not simply just what is 'in demand' from the fandom.

The message that I would like to share with readers of this interview is: stay healthy, stay happy, and most importantly, stay you. I also want to take this moment to tell them this - if you are considering becoming a creator, but you are worried about reception to your work, or that it might not be good enough, stop right now! Stop doubting yourself and just give it a shot! I was once like you, scared that my weird and niche interests and writing would be ignored or even mocked by the fandom because no one would like it. Had I not decided to take the plunge, my life would be so drastically different. I've made so many friends, fallen in love, and completely changed my life by creating fan content. It can be scary, but once you take the leap, you will find your feet coming down on solid earth without any danger.

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmseoul’s Fanlore project.

sugamins is still writing on her sugamins Archive of Our Own account today if you are looking for her works. Charmedseoul will not be sharing the author’s social media or contact information.

This interview is a part of the Top 50 Most Hit BTS Archive of our Own Works Project by Charmedseoul. The project documents the works and authors of the top 50 most hit BTS works on Archive of Our Own. All work for this project is done through Fanlore, which is run by the Organization of Transformative Works. However, Charmedseoul herself is not associated with Fanlore or OTW directly. All information documented through this project is done with full transparency.

Authors, works, and fandom culture must be documented for the future. Unauthorized and malicious editing of Fanlore pages will result in a termination of account. Charmedseoul and Fanlore itself protects fandom history’s participants and works. Personal opinion on authors and works may be posted on social media, but may only be quoted and paraphrased on Fanlore.

This interview was conducted through email from September 23, 2020 to October 25th, 2020 with sugamins’ consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden. Quotation and screenshot share of this interview is allowed.

If you would like to authorize a repost please contact @charmedseoul on Twitter or @charmedseoull on Tumblr. Linking and sharing is appreciated. Translation and unauthorized repost of this interview is forbidden.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

Charmed Seoul. Fandom Historian based on Fanlore.com. Twitter. Tumblr.

[everlarkficexchange]

Everlark Fic Exchange: Masterlist

 Springtime Edition (2020).

The King's Mistress by @eiramrelyat

Prompt 9: Katniss is a commoner and peeta is a cruel king. He wants katniss to be his mistress. How will they fall in love is up to you. [submitted by anonymous] 

Stay with Me Just for Now by @booksrockmyface

Prompt 10: katniss and peeta are best friends who were in a friends w benefits arrangement in the past. now the hunger for each other is coming back. [submitted by anonymous] 

A Quiet Announcement by @albinokittens300​

Prompt 11: in panem au where everlark isn’t reaped and peeta knocks up katniss. [submitted by @sunflowerslyf] 

Prompt #12: by @endlessnightlock

Prompt 12: katniss walks out of the fitting room wearing only a bikini to ask her friend if it suits her but it isnt her friend at the other side of the door but peeta. [submitted by anonymous] 

When You Were Mine by @pitualba2015

Prompt 20: Peeta is the CEO and katniss is his secretary. They have an affair and katniss gets pregnant but when she tells peeta he doesn’t believe her and accuse her of trying to trap him. What will he do when he realize his mistake and how will he win katniss back. [submitted by anonymous] 

Two Households by @everlarkandhistory

Prompt 22: Set in early 20th century. Katniss and Peeta are from two rival families who have been enemies since forever. They have a chance meeting which led to them falling in love. They are completely unaware of their identity. Will their love survive or will their relationship crumble. [submitted by @mysteriouslycraftyreview]

Operation: BREAD (Bring Revenge on Everdeen to Avenge Dad) by @alliswell21

Prompt 23: Rumor: MrEverdeen crossed fence dividing Town and Seam, kidnapped Mrs Everdeen making her his commonlaw wife. Years later, Mellark sons plan to avenge their father by raiding Seam and kidnapping one of Everdeens daughters for one of them to take as a wife! Does Katniss “volunteer,” does she escape, how do the 3 brothers decide what to do with her since they didn’t plan it all out well? [submitted by @567inpanem] 

lying in the bed we made (if it wasn't us) by @archersandsunsets

Prompt 26: the night before the Quarter Quell, in the sleepless dark, Katniss and Peeta allow themselves to indulge in the bittersweet dream of a future they’ll never have together (“if it wasn’t us, what would you do?” “I’d want to marry you” “tell me”) [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter]

The Proper Response by @madetofly

Prompt 29: Post-MJ, Growing Together. Peeta is finally showing his affection and love for Katniss as they heal and reconnect. Katniss, being Katniss, seems to act like she doesn’t appreciate this, and is less than enthused. Peeta, taking this like an adult, stops showing her with the affection and tries to show her his love in other ways. Katniss, however, does not appreciate him stopping those things and set out to try and get him to continue it again because she misses it. [submitted by @albinokittens300] 

All the World's a Stage by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Prompt 31: “We never see you two so much as kiss in public but last night we all heard you having sex.” Submitted by Buttercupbadass

Misconceptions by @awkwardeverlark

Prompt 35: No reaping AU. At 19, Katniss considers marrying Gale for practical reasons; the fact she just heard the baker’s son toasted and was assigned a house at the edge of town has nothing to do with it... maybe. What happens next? (was Peeta really married or was it his brother? Does she marry Gale? Does Everlark ever talk? Will Peeta cheat if he’s actually married? Can Katniss admit she loves the Boy with the Bread? Is this forbidden love?) is up to you. [submitted by anonymous] 

No One's Gonna Need You More by @ambpersand 

Prompt 36: Frustrated and stressed out Single dad!Peeta needs a fuck desperately. His best friend, Katniss, unwittingly offers to help him out. Things get murky with repressed feelings, but one thing’s certain, Peeta can’t keep his hands to himself anymore and Katniss is all too willing to oblige at the drop of a hat, regardless of place, time and her own emotions, as long as he keeps whispering all his sexy, filthy thoughts into her ear. [submitted by anonymous] 

Vidua by @darkhorse-javert

Prompt 44: Believing that taking a new young bride every 5 years will keep him youthful, Snow arranges to marry wife #12 from D12. In the hours between the ceremony and the wedding night, he drops dead. 16-yr-old Katniss returns to 12 but now she’s “Widow Snow.” Can she ever be Katniss, district huntress again? With all that $, wedding gifts, etc that were sent on the train with her? [submitted by @567inpanem] 

Fortune Favors the Brave by @ambpersand

Prompt 46: Pacific Rim inspired AU with drift compatible Everlark (or not if you’re inspired by angst). I really just want to see more of that aspect of Pacific Rim explored than what they did in the movie and what better way to do it than with Everlark! [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback] 

Fate Takes a Break by @ally147writes

Prompt 50: everlark discovering on their date that they've missed each other their whole lives (living in the same city, went to the same high school, going to the same halloween and nye parties, were set up before by different friends but stood each other up, shopping at the same store, etc.) [submitted by @sunflowerslyf] 

I Choose You by @wendywobbles

Prompt 51: Katniss E, the Valedictorian of Panem High school, is perfect in all fields of life. And that is the crush of awkward, average in studies, not so popular, never had a girlfriend, often bullied Peeta M. Not only does she have a very popular friend circle but also a handsome, popular boyfriend Gale H. Will she even want to be his friend? Is his crush doomed to fail? Eventual Everlark. [submitted by @white-dandelion-seeds] 

The Change by @alliswell21

Prompt 59: Growing up Peeta started loving her. It was a gradual thing that happened throughout his childhood and into his teens. But something changes when he hits puberty. Her scent has heightened, he can spot her from miles away. He gets a bit possessive. But the biggest thing is when his body starts to heat up and even just the thought of you gets him hard for days. He finds out the family secret of his werewolf genes, something his parents thought passed him. How can he go by with his day and be with her without scaring her away by humping her because of his heat. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

By The Moonlight Side by @endlessnightlock

Chapter 2

Prompt 61: Peeta knew better, but he did stupid things when he got drunk. Now he’s caged at the animal shelter in his wolf form. And, omg, Katniss Everdeen let her little sister drag her in to see the dogs?! He knows he shouldn’t, but teen hormones. He just wants to lick her hand. Get a tummy rub. Hump her leg. Sleep on her bed. Omg, they take him home!!!! He needs to let his dad know where he is. Omg. He needs to figure out his bakery shift. “God, don’t let Katniss catch me licking my balls.” [submitted by @567inpanem]

Maybe Tomorrow by @katnissdoesnotfollowback​

Prompt 62: one night stand!everlark sleeping together the same night a terrible snowstorm hits the city and everything gets shut down with no way to get home. perhaps a two night stand? [submitted by anonymous] 

Genesis  by @rosegardeninwinter

Prompt 66: Everlark post apocalypse, katniss and peeta are neighbors and the only two that make it to katniss's father's bunker in time. Over the course of several years the two have grown quite close having no one else, but now provisions are running low. Do they face the unknown outside or stay put, knowing they only have food to last another week? [sent by anonymous]

Sunset on Grass by @alliswell21

Prompt 67: Her parents said that it was just a childhood crush and that she will outgrow it. But why does her heart flutters. When she’s finally old enough to get a job, she immediately gets a part time job to be close to him. Will is pursue her love against people’s negative views because he’s so much older than her. Or go for it and make him fall in love with her. Age Gap Older!Peeta. [submitted by @animekpopxx] 

A Taste of Rebellion by @acpoe82

Prompt 68: Dark Coffee Shop AU - Capitol Peeta runs a Coffee/Pastry shop in the poshest part of the Capitol. Near by President Snow’s Mansion. Capitol!Katniss is a frequent customer. Things in the Capitol begin to deteriorate as the rebellion drags on. Are they sympathetic to the rebel cause? [submitted by @oakfarmer12] 

You're Not Alone by @sunsetsrmydreams

Prompt 70: Peeta picks up a hitchhiker in the mountains one night, only to find it's his childhood best friend and now escaped convict Katniss Everdeen. In a panic he calls police but after hearing her side of the story comes to believe she didn't actually murder anyone. Everlark on the run. [submitted by anonymous]

Forever and a day... by @thegirlfromoverthepond

Prompt 73: I am a simple woman: I just want Katniss Everdeen content and loved and washed in moonlight I don’t care how you do it. [submitted by @rosegardeninwinter] 

The Most Unlikely Serendipity by @albinokittens300

PART 2, PART 3, PART 4

Prompt 75: An in-Panem arranged marriage a/u where Katniss is slightly older than Peeta. [submitted by @endlessnightlock] 

Shots Make Me Sing by @sunsetsrmydreams

Prompt 81: Katniss finds her soulmate at her bachelorette party (aka Peeta)(Happy ending please) [submitted by anonymous] 

when we’re underneath the lights my heart’s no longer broken by @omercilessmoon

Prompt 92: High school musical au: katniss and peeta as troy and Gabriella. [submitted by anonymous] 

December nights in June by @viloula

Prompt 110: AU. Everlark live across from each other in fancy New York (or the like) penthouses. With all those large windows, they see each other daily and know the other's routine and all he/she does, but they've never met. A chance meeting occurs. What will happen? The circumstances of their living arrangements/any backstory and what happens between them is up to you. [submitted by @acpoe82]

High Heels at Midnight by @hutchhitched

Prompt 134: Visual Prompt. To see it go HERE [submitted by @javistg] 

must work hard, tolerate cats by @mendontprotectyou

Prompt 140: In Panem AU where Peeta is a Mail Order Husband. As the youngest son of a merchant class Capitol family, he has accepted he will never inherit the family bakery. But when his family contract him to an arranged marriage to further the business he will never own, he escapes by signing up to a programme to relocate and marry a district woman. Why Katniss needs a husband, is up to the author. Everlark endgame :) [submitted by @louezem]

Notes: 

Fics organized by prompt number. 

Masterlist compiled on May 11, 2020. Subject to change. New works will be added as they’re posted to the @everlarkficexchange. 

Looking for updated versions of the multi-chapter fics? Try our AO3 Collection 

[mooosicaldreamz]

Have you listened to folklore yet?? Can you do commentary on all the songs??

it’s time.

THE 1

This song has a funny vibe in comparison with “I Forgot that You Existed” - it really sets a tone of calm, quiet vibes in comparison to the more bombastic stuff on Lover. Also this song is kind of a banger. It has a very gentle rhythm, like I’m in the sun in the woods and I’m in my hammock. I have a hammock now and I’m considering moving into it. “It would’ve been fun / if you would’ve been the one.” Also I love the “I had this dream you’re doing cool shit” - so fun, so sweet. Taylor said a curse word.

CARDIGAN

This song is proof to me that this album was produced by a Dessner because it has the same repetitive piano that I would say is a hallmark of National songs - it sounds a lot like “Light Years” to me. That song is, by the way, an absolute banger. This song? Fun! It’s an interesting metaphor, and an interesting way of saying the point of the song. And I think it’s much more grounded than some more old school Taylor metaphors of like fairytale stuff. “Tried to change ending / Peter losing Wendy.”

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY

As we ALL KNOW, this song is about Taylor’s wonderful little house wherein the great Fourth of July celebration took place all over Instagram in the Red era. I googled it and it’s semi-biographical! I think it’s clear that Taylor is making commentary on her life on the Cape just as much as she is telling the story of this person, Rebekah Harkness. It’s an interesting piece of self-awareness to compare herself to an oil heiress who caused quite the stir in a segment of the world that is full of big stirrers (ie the Kennedys who I’m pretty sure she was neighbors with somewhere down the beach). I’m intrigued. She is having fun.

EXILE (FEAT BON IVER)

This will sound like absurd hyperbole but between Bon Iver and Taylor Swift, I’d be hard pressed to name two artists who have fucked up my life more. Getting to hear his beautiful baritone without layers of distress like he’s been rolling with lately is a gift. Thank you to Taylor Swift. “I can see you staring, honey / like he’s just your understudy / like you’d get your knuckles bloody / for me.” VIBEZ???? ARE WE VIBING????? I AM VIBGIN!!!!!! “Those eyes add insult to injury????”” BANGER!!! IT’S A BANGER.  THAT BREAKDOWNN!!!! LET’S ROLL!!!! LET’S GET FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m PUTTING THIS ON SO MANY PLAYLISTS!!!!!!!!!!

MY TEARS RICOCHET

LET’S GET EMO !!!!!!!! You know, just recently I was discussing with Lynne (or myself? I talk to myself about Taylor a lot) about how she’s gonna go on her like farewell tour when she’s 50-60 or whatever and it’s gonna be all these low-down sexy baller mixes, like when Cyndi Lauper did her greatest hits cover release (it’s a banger!). This album is just an excuse for her to sing in her low register. God, I’d die for her. I love how sad this is. I have too many favorite lines. “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace / ‘cause when I’d fight, you used to tell me I was brave / And if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” ALSO “And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones.” OKAY HONEY!!!!!!! This is a clear Supercorp song. Since I know this is why you are asking. Start here for fic titles.

MIRRORBALL

Oh, okay, Taylor went to the woods and listened to Ryan Adams, Bon Iver, and just fucked around and made shoe gaze pop? What kind of talent!!!! Her last album was premium pop. Why is she like this. This song is very interesting. It’s very sweet. The phrasing on “tallest tiptoes / highest heels” oh my God. I love this song. I might cry.

SEVEN

Another absolute National-style production, God, we are living in my dream world on this album. “I’ve been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / Your dad is always mad and that must be why / And I think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates.” WHAT A JOKE. WHAT A JOKE!!!!!!! What a beautiful portrait of childhood. There’s a scene in Spring Awakening (the musical, I can only assume now that Taylor is a big fan), where they talk about playing pirates when they were younger and now everything is tragic. “Are there still beautiful things?” It shouldn’t be that easy bro.

AUGUST

This, like “Seven” is an Antonoff production, which is just vibes. The dreaminess. We are vibing. As much as I am inclined to hate the line, “August slipped away like a bottle of wine” it is phrased so well and delicately that it comes across more dreamy than wine mom memey. I also just want to say that I bought the OG vinyl and the “meet me behind the mall” vinyl and after hearing the song that it comes from it’s a vibe. This is obviously a teenage romp song, which is really great because obviously Taylor wrote about being a teenager in love when she was a teenager and wrote about like, the classic world-ending Romeo and Juliet style fairytale. But this is….”meet me behind the mall.” Which is such an adult perspective on what being a teenager is. It’s so wonderful to see that artistic depth in an artist we’ve literally watched grow.

THIS IS ME TRYING

I feel like this is the depression song that should have been on Reputation but was so out of step with the rest of the album between it’s thunderous anger / thunderous oh-shit-I’m-into-this-dude that they couldn’t work it in. And it doesn’t quite vibe with Lover either…this whole song is GREAT. It’s very depression 101. It makes me cry also. “They told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad / I have a lot of regrets about that.” I LOVE the way she sings “I have a lot of regrets about that.” Also “and it’s hard to be at a party / when I feel like an open wound.” Absolute banger.

ILLICIT AFFAIRS

I feel we should give this song the true banger status because Taylor wrote a song about a girl who is the other woman and it’s empathetic. God, we love progress. This song also does a good job of being about the other woman, but also has a little more universal appeal. I know when I heard this I was like, “oof, okay, I don’t miss being 16.”  The word mercurial is used in this song.

INVISIBLE STRING

Not to get too emo about it, but this song is adorable and it’s messed up that she wrote it. The idea behind it that I think must be fairly common for people who are in love, that their lives have unique crossover moments, and there’s this hope/want to believe that you were always going to end up in this place because of all those connections? That’s kind of a complex thing (imo) to express. And she WROTE IT!!!! God. If I were Joe Alwyn I would cry every day.

MAD WOMAN

The fact that Taylor would ever attempt to make me believe this is not about Scooter Braun is insane. I love this song. Proof of concept that you don’t need to yell to show how mad you are.

EPIPHANY

This song is sad. But very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her write anything like this. I think the back half of this album is a little more experimental.

BETTY

I’m not sure what I’m expected to say here. I know that this song is not actually gay. But I don’t care. It’s country twang from a boy’s perspective and you know what? We’re taking it. We are taking it for ourselves. But also, I love that she chose to write this weird “teenage love triangle” set of songs and that she chose to write none of them from like, her perspective? Right? “August” is James cheating on Betty, “Illicit Affairs” is the other woman, and this is James…when Taylor was 17 she would have written this song from Betty’s perspective. And that’s what we would have got. There’s real growth in storytelling here, and a real interest in expanding the canon of what she’s writing about. It’s really great to see an artist do that. Also the way she sings “The worst thing that I ever did / was what / I did to you.” This whole song is a masterpiece. I hate her.

PEACE

I just learned that Joe Alwyn is a Pisces. I am A PISCES. TAYLOR!!!! WE COULD BE TOGETHER.

I love the “I talk shit with my friends / It’s like I’m wasting your honor.” This song is so adult. She’s in like. Real love bro. BRO. I AM HAPPY FOR HER. BRO!!!!!!

HOAX

I am interested in why this is the last song on the non-deluxe version of the album. I don’t have a lot to say about this but that it reminds me of Wuthering Heights. Also if you wanted to get emo this is probably a good SC song.

[period-dramallama]

A skim read of jean plaidy’s St Thomas Eve

For @thalassodromid bc this is our Niche

General thoughts on quality (TLDR)

-First off, I should give this book something of a pass because it was written 60+ years ago. Historical research, like science, Marches On.

-I skimmed it because i was not loving the style. There’s very little description, the pacing feels like This Happened And Then This Happened. With this story, you should have a sense of the stakes, the tension. It lacks atmosphere.

-This book really didn’t spark much emotion in me. I was heartwarmed and amused, but never frightened, horrified, fascinated or upset. I felt no panic when Meg got the sweat. 

-Honestly i was so bored I started wondering if maybe this is too difficult a story to tell, because i came in loving these historical figures and wanting content. How bored must the unobsessed reader be?

-Show don’t tell, Jean! Don’t tell me everyone’s very upset, show me them upset. Don’t tell me Meg loves Thomas, show their bond. Don’t tell me everyone loves Thomas for his honesty, show me him helping his neighbours.

-To be fair, there’s a lot to get through in 260 pages.

-I just love how historical fiction pulp novels have Book Club questions at the back. It just feels rather cocky, imo. Like you think your book is Deep enough for me to sit and ponder the characters. Like there was a question that was something like: “do you prefer Katherine of Aragon or Anne Boleyn” which was kind of hilarious because the whole book it was Poor Loyal Old Ugly Katherine and Six Fingered Anne Boleyn Is A Minx And Wants Thomas More Dead

Pet peeves

-at the beginning of the book, it says “Secretly Henry VII was unbothered by his wife’s death” or something along those lines. Given that Henry VII locked himself away after Elizabeth died and his mum had to step in and rule because he stopped functioning, this left a bitter taste in my mouth. Henry VII in this book is a Mean Evil Miser so of course he can’t love or be loved by a Good Woman.

-John More jnr being described as the family dunce. To be fair, maybe the book came out before we knew he was a translator too, but STILL. Don’t put John down to raise the girls up. He is valid too. 

-the language is what my old tutor would call ‘mock Tudor’. I think it was expected at the time that you had to try and make the language authentic- The Blanket of the Dark and the Man on a Donkey both use Tudor language. It really made the dialogue annoying. Lots of ‘tis and ‘twas and it was this close to beshrew me verily and hey fucking nonny nonny. Every time Alice said fuckign ‘Tilly valley’ I went AAAARGGGH. JUST HAVE HER SAY THE WORD ‘NONSENSE’. There’s a happy middle, imo, between too Tudor and too modern, and it’s quite a broad middle, you can move around a lot in it, but there are limits. 

-SPEAKING OF ALICE. Her character introduction was so good- first described as ‘an authoritative feminine voice’ *chef’s kiss* she stops a fainting Jane from being trampled at Henry’s coronation, accompanies her home and cares for her while simultaneously lowkey roasting her interior decoration. But then she becomes a bit of a caricature. When Meg gets the sweat she nags her for going near anyone who might have the sweat. The book club questions say ‘there’s more to her than meets the eye’ THEN SHOW ME MORE THAN ONE SIDE OF HER. Also Thomas loves her even though she’s ‘rude and stupid’ but Meg doesn’t understand why. Grr. 

-”mistress middleton will hear you [2 year old John] crying and box your ears” NO NO NO NO NO!

-also i get a 1950s Spanking Children Is Good Parenting vibe because Alice hits the Morelings with a slipper if they don’t study, and Tm’s described as too much of “a coward” (literally the word coward is used) to hit his children other than with peacock feathers.

-Utopia being described as an ideal state...it’s really more than that. I don’t like the idea that Meg and Thomas were okay with religious toleration but then Thomas became Consumed With Hate and he says “well religious toleration would be great in an IDEAL state...”

-Meg being horrified by heretic burning. Maybe the evidence of her views wasn’t yet available and so social mores of the 50s meant that writers and historians assumed that Of Course Being a Delicate Woman She Would Have A Natural Desire For Peace And Mercy. Grr.

-Too romancey. To be fair, Jean Plaidy wrote a lot of historical romances so maybe that’s just what she’s comfortable with (and these are historical figures that never get a chance to shine) but between Meg and Will, Clement and Mercy, Joan and Thomas, Giles and Cecily... it’s a bit like Pearl Harbour in that it’s hard to care about the cute romance when men are getting burned alive in the background. A good historical romance is more like Titanic: the lovers are directly connected with the Big Historical Events ongoing. Skip!

-in this book, Mercy thinks to herself that Meg would have Tm sign the oath, but Mercy would prefer tm to do as his conscience dictates...that feels like the wrong way round.

-Erasmus and Thomas More speaking in English...Doubt.jpeg. 

-Thomas More muses on how Complex men are because there’s Proud Cold Thomas Howard who is Soft for Simple Launderess Bess Holland...yeah given the multiple colossal power imbalances in that real-life affair, I’d be very surprised if it never strayed into abuse.

-baby Meg is a lil too precocious.

-dying Joan tells Meg to look after her father, no Joan stop I love you but don’t give a six year old responsibility, I don’t care if she’s six but acts eleven, looking after TM is Alice’s job not Meg’s. 

-Tm using the phrase ‘our little secret’ with Meg. The context is not abusive, but the phrase is so weighted, it’s like referring to something as “a final solution”: the famous meaning is too horrifying to feel comfortable with that combination of words in any context at all. 

-Joan’s younger sister being described as beautiful and flirtatious, and the whole bit about More fancying the younger sister but going for the older out of honour. The book says that More’s fascination with joan’s sister is the reason he realised he couldn’t be a priest. Given Joan’s 16, her sister’s 15 at the oldest, possibly 14. So a 26 year old can’t be a priest because he’s lusting after a 14-15 year old girl who is attractive and who has been flirting with him. Squick. 

-also no mention of erasmus at the end of tm’s life. Boo. I think a dude in the tower would think about his BFF of 30+ years who he hasn’t seen for 10+ years 

Good bits

-It’s obviously unintentional, but given how the word ‘gay’ has changed, i gave a little cheer every time a character was described as gay. Cecily and John are both gay, Thomas More is very gay, and later in the book wishes he could go back to being gay again. Loving the accidental representation 

-”a boy who is not worth the tossing” i have a dirty mind ok

-Joan getting something of a personality! She even feels insecure because she’s a normal person stuck in a family of geniuses.

-George Boleyn is described as being ‘a bright boy’ and later the girls joke that if they meet him they’ll probably fall in love THIS SO REFRESHING. Otoh, Mary Boleyn is slutshamed and Anne is a scheming minx so the double standard does spoil it a little. 

-Thomas More makes puns! At one point Alice says “more’s the pity” and then immediately says “don’t you dare make a pun out of that. i know u will. DON’T I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR PUNS” Granted, Plaidy stresses that his wit is never cruel or mocking (Doubt.jpeg) but i think this is maybe the funniest More. 

-It acknowledges the heretic burning! Not bad for 1950-something. At the end there’s a sort of Hm Thomas More Is A Complex Dude How Do We Approach Him page from H8′s POV.

-More’s father getting all misty-eyed when his son becomes Chancellor

-Henry VIII kissing tm’s forehead

-the flogging of the mentally ill upskirter being depicted

-Wolsey not being a caricature but a worldly and practical man. He’s explicitly described as “not a bad man”

-”He [TM] was no Erasmus, who, having thrown the stone that shattered the glass of orthodox thought, must run and hide himself lest he should be hurt by the splinters” not a very fair way to depict Erasmus (as he spent a lot of the last decades of his life arguing against Luther and trying to mediate between religious factions, esp in Basel) However, I like the metaphor

-Meg talking about how she and her sisters will always compare men unfavourably to their father... understandable.

-More explaining why Heretic Burning is Good Actually is done well

-Meg pointing out that More and Erasmus both criticised the Church, only it’s a bit half-baked because More never experiences any doubt or crisis over it. 

-Meg being torn between the Lutheran and the Catholic men she loves is at least some conflict and stakes when it finally shows up.

-Alice standing trial for dogknapping on page 195. A Big Lipped Alligator Moment, and I’ve no idea the source (i doubt Plaidy would make it up completely, it’s so out of nowhere) but it’s fun. It feels like one of More’s ‘merry tales’

“[Erasmus] read aloud to Thomas when he came home; and sometimes Thomas would sit by his friend’s bed with Margaret on one side of him and Mercy on the other; he would put an arm about them both, and when he laughed and complimented Erasmus so that Erasmus’ pale face was flushed with pleasure, then Margaret believed that there was all the happiness in the world in that room.” my emotions! my emotions! my ship is sailing, i repeat, the ship is sailing!

-”Meg, this is one of the happiest days of my life. it is a day I shall remember on the day i die. i shall say to myself when i find death near me: ‘the great erasmus said that of my daughter, my meg.’”

-”So the King likes verses!” said mistress middleton, her voice softening a little. 

“Ah, madam,” said Thomas. “What the King likes today, may we hope Mistress Middleton will like tomorrow?” Do I smell... flirtation...

-”His face was pleasant and kindly, [Alice] concluded....She would like to feed him some of her possets, put a layer of fat on his bones with her butter.” Does this version of Alice have a feeding kink I definitely think, in this ‘verse, Tm and Alice are 100% having sex.

-John Colet’s in it, though described as tm’s confessor (who i think was actually grocyn or linacre)

-Alice clearing a path for a fainting Jane with “Stand aside, you oafs.” alexa, play X gon give it to you. 

[binkysteebnpewter]

All 85 of em

I despise you a little

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not to me, really. I value someone’s outlook on life and attitude more than something that will continually change as we age.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes. I believe so, personally. I won’t date if I can’t see myself planning to marry her in the future. I’ve stated it before, but Home is what I want to find in life. Home is a person, to me. Home is someone I feel safe and loved by, respected on equal ground— someone who can be completely comfortable and themselves with me, and vice versa.

3. Are you a virgin?

No, but it wasn’t consentually lost.

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes 🥺💗 I’m dating my princess, @andyl394

5. Are you in love?

Love is a very strong word, I used it lightly for so many years and still sometimes do— but I’d say I’m falling in love.

I believe you never fall in love like it’s a place you sit, I believe you are always falling in love with whomever you date because everyday you wake up a different person then you were the day before.

6. Are you single this year?

No 🥺💗 I have my lovely baby Andy

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yep ✨

8. Describe your crush

She’s really sweet, she has really pretty hair. She’s respectful and adorable. Her laughing and giggles sound like cute little bells, and her smile is so, so bright.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Respectful, Thoughtful, Communicative, and Understanding.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Somewhat, I suppose. I believe you can begin to fall in love, but never really immediately be in love at only a first look— but I guess I base this on the fact I value a persons outlook and attitude more than their appearance.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes. I’d love to get married one day.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess it would really depend on what they had done to me.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Not really. I’m not a very jealous person.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

MY PRINCESS 🥺💗 she’s my girl 😚

15. Do you have any piercings?

I have your regular ear piercings 🤷🏻‍♀️

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Not yet 😔

17. Do you like kissing in public?

I’m okay with it, I have nothing against it even though I’m very easy to embarrass

20. Do you shower every day?

Yes, I work on a farm.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

My princess 🥺💗

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Mmm... I don’t know?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course I can! I despise when people cheat on their significant others 🥺

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I’m not sure, that’s not a single person question for me because marriage isn’t something you use to lock someone in. Marriage is a partnership, you work together to lift each other up— as you should be doing before marriage even imo.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am in a relationship 😚💗

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yes.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

No, I’m very emotional but I used to always be hesitant with love.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

I choose not to answer

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Not really.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

No, I used to be very reserved with falling in love.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes, I love music so I wrote a song but never gave it to her.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

I wouldn’t let them wander unless I had her consent, I value consent very strongly— even outside of anything sexual, I’ll ask if I can can someone before I do.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Three years.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

No one.

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

0

47. How old are you?

19

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would encourage them to confess to them.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Her smile and laugh.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Depends on what they did.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes, she tried to kill me.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes, my late best friend Lily.

55. Share a relationship story.

I dated a girl who told me I couldn’t hang out with my own older brother 🙃

56. State 8 facts about your body

I have freckles.

I’m pretty chubby.

Everyone thinks I’m sunburnt but I just have really red skin on my arms and face.

I sunburn way too easily though.

I have a lot of scars, both from doing things I love and mental illness.

I have brown eyes.

I have auburn hair

My hair reaches past my rear and it’s in between curly and wavy because I’m getting rid of the damage my mother did to it.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

I hope everyone realizes how horrible you treat people behind their backs.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be understanding, don’t be afraid to commicate, be honest, be respectful, have an awareness of emotions.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

No thanks 👀 I want to keep my face off my blog 🥺

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I think I’m a year older, or a few months older.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their attitude.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Hug me from behind, play with my hair, or just have fun and deep conversations with me.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

I know that some others may not define sex the same way that I do, and that’s okay. I grew up learning and being told sex was something where you engaged in sexual activities with someone, so that’s always have I’ve defined it— a sexual activity.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Well, I suppose I think of it like this. You and your partner probably agreed to be monogamous. You have that agreement and trust for the other to stay faithful. If your partner goes out and has a sexual or emotional affair with someone else then its cheating. The essence of cheating is breaking your partners trust.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t know

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

I don’t know

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Something calm and relaxing for both people, maybe not somewhere very crowded.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I’m a lesbian, I like girls 💗

69. What turns you off?

Inconsiderate taking, disrespectfulness, humiliation, degrading things, and anger.

70. What turns you on?

I choose not to air this to everyone— 👀

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Im opting to not put this into the world—👀

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Okay, I’ll answer this. I have a thing for praise, I like to praise others and I like to be praised.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Flowers, make something personal, or bake something with me 🥺💗

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I don’t really look for superficial things, I think. I really look at depth of knowledge, emotions, or their character

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

It wasn’t romantic at all, but my late best friend Lily picked me up off my knees once in elementary after I was forced to kneel on rice for not being religious (at a private Christian school 😅)

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I bought my late best friend Lily an outfit she loved but her mother wouldn’t let her get, and I embroidered the outfit like Lily had talked about wanting to do.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

I don’t mind it, other peoples ages in their relationships don’t effect me personally. As long as it’s not pedophilia, I’ll rock a pedophile into the asphalt any day.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I was never able to tell anyone what happened to me, so he got away with what he did because I was too afraid to speak out.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy tbh.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told Andy I loved her earlier 😚💗

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Andy, the fam, and pretty much all my friends. Everyone is attractive, I don’t consider anyone ugly 🥺

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

I last hugged my brother

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A person who should not be named. They’re the Voldemort in my life 😒

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

They cheated on me and abused me in multiple ways.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

That’s how Andy and I met, we met online 🥺💗

And I love her very much, she’s my gorgeous princess 👑

[vapidsims]

Got tagged by @erosims on Newtumbl but i’ll post it here too!

Whom should I- Mathias. its Mathias

1. How old is your sim? 

good question. young adult but im not finna put an exact year-span on him

2. When is your sim’s birthday?

He dosnt have one. but if he’d been born he wouldve been a winter baby.

3. What is your sim’s zodiac sign?

-scrambles to zodiac site- uhhhhhhhhh either Libra or aquarius

4. What is your sim’s ethnicity?

 he dosnt really have one. but I have an au where hes human and is asian/white

5. Does your sim have any nicknames?  

Boltboi

Math

6. Do they have a job? 

He dont even got a shirt on. where he gon work at?

7. Where does your sim live?

currently Oasis springs. moving soon.

8. Who does your sim live with?

His sleeping brothers and creator previously. Hes gonna be sticking with Rae now tho.

9. What environment did your sim grow up in?

 bad.

10. What are your sim’s favorite foods?

he doesnt need to eat. 

11. What is your sim’s favorite drink?

Alien juice.

12. If they have one what is your sim’s favorite color? 

neon blue/ royal purple

13. Does your sim believe in any clichés?

 not yet xD

14. What is your sim’s sexuality?

 Raesexual  hes not sure

15. What is your sim’s gender identity?

Male. He/Him/His

16. Is your sim type a or type b? 

what?

17. Is your sim introverted or extroverted?

Introverted.

18. What is your sims favorite woohoo position?

-sweats-

19. Is your sim a pet person? If so what is their favorite animal? 

Yes. cats and dogs. but dogs will make him nervous after a bit because theyre so waggy and bouncy.

20. Does your sim have a best friend?

Rae. Various other sims not introduced yet

21. What is/was your sim’s favorite school subject?

wtf is school?

22. Is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school?

N/A

23. Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? If so, what would be or what was their major?

hmmmm. no

24. What are your sims political beliefs? (if they have them) 

N/A at the moment.

25. What is one thing your sims wants to do before they die?

Nothing really before Rae stumbled into his life. he was somewhat content with existing and then... not. Though he did muse about meeting his brothers whenever Andrews decided to “awaken” them. 

26. Does your sim have a favorite tv show (cable) and/or movie?

He gonna  interested in romance movies xD 

27. Is your sim a Netflix viewer? If so what are their top 3 shows.

Not yet

28. Does your sim like books? If so what’s their favorite one?

He's had limited access to books, but he read atlas hugged a few times. 

29. Does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favorite one and do they play on pc or console?

 not in the traditional sense. he likes those virtual boxes.

30. What is your sim’s personal style?

hes shiny. 

31. Does your sim have a lucky charm?

No

32. Is your sim religious? 

No

33. What kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favorite artist? 

-resist the urge to say electric music-

34. Is your sim a festive person? If so what’s their favorite holiday? 

Hes gonna love the romance festival (hes a lover boy)

35. What is your sim’s favorite type of weather?

snow, it makes him feel grounded to the world for some reason.

36. Does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them? 

Under the right or wrong circumstances Mathias will absolutely fuck a bitch up. But you’d have to had really trampled this boys last nerve first. XD

37. Does your sim have a dream job?

 no

38. Does your sim have any siblings? 

Yes. Marios, Marcus and Myrder. whom are all still unactive. then Circe (deceased) if we wanna count her.

39. Does your sim get along with their family? 

(’>.>)

40. What is your sims favorite hobby? 

turns out he likes the dancing thing. and cooking.

41. What does your sim look for in a romantic partner? 

he aint picky. hes lived in a hole his whole life. but hes pulled towards free spirited/unbound energy.

42. What is a secret about your sim? 

We already know he was created after Andrews “obtained” some sixam tech. What we (well mathias really) dont know is the affair was a little...murdery.

43. What is a wish your sim has? 

He keeps feeling things. He wants to feel more things, to grasp the gravity of it. 

44. What is a flaw your sim has? 

Anxious, overthinking, quietly tempermental, passive-agressive-

45. How do others generally perceive your sim? 

Curious, adorable, strange, anxious, moody, clueless.

46. Does your sim have a greatest achievement? 

Leaving.

47. If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret? 

being unable to move his father.

48. Does your sim have a favorite emoji?

no

49. Does your sim use simstagram? 

No

50. What is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)?

no phone?

[grantmkemp]

Remembering the "The King of Cool", this week will be 39 years since his death. Here are some lesser known facts about the star to go with my colourised version of a rare candid picture taken in 1960 by Larry Barbier

Terence Steven McQueen died on November 7th, 1980, after surgery to remove tumors in his neck and abdomen, he was 50 years old. Nicknamed "The King of Cool", his antihero persona was developed at the height of the counterculture of the 1960s, and made him a top box-office draw during that decade, and the 1970s. McQueen received an Academy Award nomination for his role in The Sand Pebbles. His other popular films include The Cincinnati Kid, Love With the Proper Stranger, The Thomas Crown Affair, Bullitt, The Getaway, and Papillon, as well as the all-star ensemble films The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape, and The Towering Inferno. In 1974, he became the highest-paid movie star in the world, although he did not act in films again for four years. McQueen was combative with directors and producers, but his popularity placed him in high demand and enabled him to command large salaries.

Some lesser known facts about "The King of Cool"

His father, William McQueen, was a stunt pilot for a barnstorming flying circus who left McQueen's mother, Julia Ann six months after meeting her.

Dyslexic and partially deaf due to a childhood ear infection, McQueen did not adjust to life with his stepfather who beat him to such an extent that at the age of nine, he left home to live on the streets. Soon he was running with a street gang and committing acts of petty crime.

At age 16, McQueen volunteered to serve on a ship bound for the Dominican Republic. Once there he abandoned his new post, eventually being employed in a brothel; afterwards, McQueen made his way to Texas, and worked as a roughneck, a carnival barker and a lumberjack.

In 1947, McQueen joined the United States Marine Corps where he was promoted to private first class, he focused his energies on self-improvement and embraced the Marines' discipline. McQueen served until 1950, when he was honorably discharged.

McQueen competed in weekend motorcycle races at Long Island City Raceway and purchased the first of many motorcycles.

McQueen played the top-billed lead role in 1963's The Great Escape, the notable motorcycle leap was done by his friend and fellow cycle enthusiast Bud Ekins, who resembled McQueen from a distance.

1968's Bullitt, one of his best-known films featured an unprecedented (and endlessly imitated) auto chase through San Francisco. Although McQueen did do the driving that appeared in closeup, this was about 10% of what is seen in the film's car chase. The rest of the driving by McQueen's character was done by stunt drivers Bud Ekins and Loren Janes.

After 1974's The Towering Inferno became a tremendous box-office success, McQueen all but disappeared from the public eye, to focus on motorcycle racing and traveling around the country in a motor home and on his vintage Indian motorcycles. He did not return to acting until 1978.

McQueen was offered the lead male role in Breakfast at Tiffany's, but was unable to accept due to his contract.

McQueen expressed interest in the Rambo character in First Blood when David Morrell's novel appeared in 1972, but the producers rejected him because of his age.

Director Steven Spielberg said McQueen was his first choice for the character of Roy Neary in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. McQueen told Spielberg that he could not accept the role because he was unable to cry on cue

McQueen designed a motorsports bucket seat, for which a patent was issued in 1971

McQueen flew and owned, among other aircraft, a 1945 Stearman, a 1946 Piper J-3 Cub, and an award-winning 1931 Pitcairn PA-8 bip, flown in the US Mail Service by famed World War I flying ace Eddie Rickenbacker.

Jay Sebring had invited McQueen to the party at Sharon Tate's house on the night when Tate and four others were murdered by members of the Manson Family. According to McQueen, he invited a girlfriend to come along but she instead suggested an intimate night at home.

McQueen had an unusual reputation for demanding free items in bulk from studios when agreeing to do a film, such as electric razors, jeans, and other items. It was later discovered McQueen donated these things to the Boys Republic reformatory school, where he spent time in his teen years.

McQueen developed pleural mesothelioma, a cancer associated with asbestos exposure for which there is no known cure, he thought that his illness was a direct result of massive exposure while removing asbestos lagging (insulation) from pipes aboard a troop ship while he was in the Marines

McQueen remains a popular star, and his estate limits the licensing of his image to avoid the commercial saturation experienced by other dead celebrities. As of 2007, McQueen's estate remains one of the highest-earning dead celebrities.

This is my colourised version of an original black, and white photograph taken in 1960 by Larry Barbier

Restoring Your Past  … Website Restoring Your Past … on Facebook

[steviestevington]

All the questions

oh fUCK okay here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yeah they are

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course they are omg

3. Are you a virgin?

No

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes indeedy I am !

5. Are you in love?

God I sure am

6. Are you single this year?

Nope

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can and I am committed to one person !

8. Describe your crush

His name is Jay he’s got long black hair currently and green eyes and wears glasses he’s gorgeous

9. Describe your perfect mate

Jay lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Betrayal meaning like cheating? If so no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately yeah rip

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah don’t tell him but I got a big fat crush on my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my earlobes

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Unfortunately no :c

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Deadass love it so much

20. Do you shower every day?

Fuck no I ain’t got time for that

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well I sure hope my boyfriend does lmao

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Idk Jay might be but who knows

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of fucking course, easily

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I do not know honestly I could see it being maybe possible but who knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am and I am very happy about it

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so maybe

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I don’t think so, I hope not

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Ehhh not really but if I had to choose something I would want my nose changed I hate it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Uhhh probably

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah I mean I liked my ex before we were dating and we were best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so ?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Uhh kinda yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No I’m terrible at that shit

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Bitch they wander immediately

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 4.5 years or something idk

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Only one other boyfriend before Jay

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero

47. How old are you?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well idk what I would say in the moment but obviously that would mean we’d break up which would be extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Literally everything there’s no way I can pick one single thing he’s perfect in every way

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

HAHAHAHAHAHA F U C K NO

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah his name is Jay

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Uhhh idk maybe I’ve given up on crushes in the past because it was obviously not gonna happen but that’s all I can think of

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I doubt it lmao

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

I mean I’ll never forget the shit my abuser did to me unfortunately

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any sorry agdhgfhsd

56. State 8 facts about your body

I will pass on that I don’t even know 2 facts about it that are more fascinating than “I have two arms”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

You’re a gross piece of shit and you had no right to pressure me into sexual things or treat me the way you did, you traumatized me in so many ways and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, I hope karma kicks your ass one day

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Bitch I don’t know Jay did it easily ask him lmao

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t have any good ones on my laptop so just go to my “about” page there’s a link in my description or look at my blog /tagged/my-face

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I really don’t know I think the age difference between Jay and I is a little bit bigger than the one between my ex and I but I’m too lazy to figure it out

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes or smile

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’ve got a real damn weird Thing for formal clothing so wear that for me n I’ll be so into it

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Idk anything with another person involving genitals honestly

64. What is your definition of cheating?

It’s as easy as just having an emotional affair it doesn’t even have to be physical

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t want it to lead to sex but some intense making out is my favorite

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

No I don’t do that fuck off

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything with your partner that you both enjoy is a perfect date

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pan/ace

69. What turns you off?

Bad hygiene and a shitty personality

70. What turns you on?

Good hygiene, making out, neck kissing/biting, hickeys, my partner makin cute noises of pleasure while we are all over each other

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

LMAO if I ever have sexual dreams they’re extremely frustrating and I can never actually get All The Way no matter how hard I try so I wouldn’t say I have kinky ones cuz I’m always by myself I don’t like sex with other people

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

None I don’t like sex

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I like being given flowers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Uhhh idk Jay always does extremely sweet things but what’s coming to mind is that he decided on his own to stop doing something that causes me severe anxiety because he doesn’t wanna put me through that and that meant a whole lot to me

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Man I don’t know I always go overboard with things but I think my valentines day with Jay recently is up there with the sweetest things I’ve done

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

There should not me a maturity or development gap at all

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I really want a dildo from bad dragon but I’ll probably never own one lmao

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Uhhh idk when one of my bfs friends goes overboard with complimenting his appearance I get weird about it cuz I’m a dumbass

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Idk I tell Jay I love him all the time so like 20 minutes ago probably afgdhfds

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, and Brendon Urie lmao

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore tbh

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

afdgsfd I mean that’s how Jay and I met so yeah lmao

[mrkwonandmrchoibabygirl]

MY FIRST MASTERLIST

HERE IT IS MY MASTERLIST TO THE STORIES I EDITED TO MAKE THAEM SEEM LIKE THEY’RE ABOUT BIGBANG

50 Shades of Kwon Ji Yong (M) book 1/3 Smut/Fluff/Angst

When literature student Y/N Y/L/N goes to interview young entrepreneur Kwon Ji Yong, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Y/N is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Y/N’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Kwon admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Kwon’s singular erotic tastes, Y/N hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Kwon is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Y/N discovers Kwon Ji Yong’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part.5 Part.6 Part.7 Part.8 Part.9 Part.10 Part.11 Part.12 Part.13 

Part.14 Part.15 Part.16 Part.17 Part.18 Part.19

 Part.20 Part.21 Part.22 Part.23 Part.24

Bared by Him - Seungri (M) book 1 of 4Smut/Fluff/Angst

Lee Seung Hyun came into my life like lightning in the darkness…

He was beautiful and brilliant, jagged and white-hot. I was drawn to him as I’d never been to anything or anyone in my life. I craved his touch like a drug, even knowing it would weaken me. I was flawed and damaged, and he opened those cracks in me so easily…

Seunghyun knew. He had demons of his own. And we would become the mirrors that reflected each other’s most private wounds… and desires.

The bonds of his love transformed me, even as I prayed that the torment of our pasts didn’t tear us apart…

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part.5 Part.6 Part.7 Part.8 Part.9 Part.10 Part.11

50 DARKER SHADE OF KWON JI YONG -G-DRAGON 

continuation of 50 shades of kwon ji yong

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part.5 Part.6 Part.7 Part.8 Part.9 Part.10

NOW~ GD FANFIC EDIT

Reader is an 18 year old college student with a simple life, excellent grades, and a sweet boyfriend. She always has things planned out ahead of time, until she meets a rude boy named Jiyong, with too many tattoos and piercings who shatters her plans.

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part.5 Part.6 Part.7 Part.8 Part.9 Part.10 

Part.11Part.12 Part.13 Part.14 Part.15 Part.16 Part.17 Part.18

 Part.19 Part.20 Part.21 Part.22 Part.23 Part.24 Part.25 Part.26 Part.27

Now 2~ GD Fanfic Edit

Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part.5 Part. 6

 Part.7 Part.8 Part.9 Part.10 Part.11 Part.12 Part.13

 Part.14 Part.15 Part.16 Part.17 Part.18 Part.19

 Part.20 Part.21 Part.22 Part.23 Part.24 Part.25 Part.26 Part.27 Part.28 Part.29 Part.30

Like4Like Gdragon x y/n Instagram scenario

In which you are his fan and he takes interest in you but is everything going to be easy?(sorry idk where i will go with the story yet)

Part 1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4 Part5

[soupandleaves]

How I went from 325 lbs to 130 lbs. My weight loss story.

I was a fit kid. I swam, I figure skated, I curled for 10 years and I was the star pitcher in softball for 11 years...and then I turned 16 and The Dementors came. I had been diagnosed earlier with Bipolar and hadn't had drug therapy in a while so I thought I'd try it. It sapped me of my energy. I had no desire to play sports anymore. Then I just kept gaining the weight.

I'm a sucker for desserts. I grew up eating chocolate almost every day. My parents were/are addicted to soda pop and drank Pepsi all the time and they let us have 1 can a day. My parents commented on my weight sometimes and encouraged me to go for walks. Then one day at supper, my Mum turned to me and said "Looks like you're getting a spare tire, Kelly,". It really hurt but made me realize I was overweight. She also said another nasty comment when she set up an appointment with her gynecologist for me, she said "The doctor may tell you that you have to lose weight,".  The doctor didn't comment on my weight btw.  

After I graduated in 2007, I moved out and worked as a housekeeper in a hotel and took commissions and my boyfriend at the time and I ate horribly. We ordered out all the time, went to fast food places and drank tons pop. By this time I was 190 lbs. I started shopping at what I called "The Big Girl Store" which was plus sized clothing. I always was a smart dresser and dressed to my size. I didn't try to wear clothes too small for me. I was able to hide my weight well.

When I was 19, on Halloween 2008, I moved to Winnipeg. I stayed with my sister and her boyfriend for a little while then moved on to a basement suite in this lady's house. At first I did commissions but then I got a job as a security guard. I ate terribly as a security guard. I made a lot of money and spent it on fast food, take out and desserts. When I was coming home off the night shift, I'd stop in at a 24 hr fast food drive thru and order two huge burgers. I compared the burgers between fast food chains and would get a burger depending on which one I felt like. I never cooked for myself. I always ate out.

I had to keep buying new pants all the time. I went from a size 10 to a 20. I started wearing dresses more often to hide my weight and because they were more comfortable than my chaffing thighs rubbing against the pants. Even though I carried a lot of weight, I still looked good and I was attractive to some men. Sometimes I'd dress extra nice with a low cut dress and have my chest out and get stared at. Also helps that I have a pretty face.

Then I started dating Man Boy who seemed to love my size. Then he'd drop little comments here and there and one time at the grocery store he filmed me buying Oreos and then edited it to C Is For Cookie by Cookie Monster and he LOLed hard. It didn't make me lol, it made me insecure. One time he filmed us having sex and I didn't want to see it but he convinced me. As soon as it started he said "You're not going to like how your stomach looks in this,". I was like :O. Anyway, I got rid of man boy. By this time I was 325 lbs.

I moved back to the country with my parents for a brief stint. During that time, I changed my diet so I only consumed 1,000 calories a day. No pop. No fast food. Home cooked meals only. I also started to go on walks and then eventually short jogs. When my parents were away, I'd crank up my dance music and dance hard. 3 months went and 50 lbs and I finally started to notice a difference.

3 more months past and I had lost 60 lbs. I moved back out of my parents' place to a nearby small city and moved in with a man who had a room to rent. By this time, I had started smoking cigarettes. I ate less and exercised more. I got into drinking green tea and oolong tea during the day to suppress my appetite. I kept at it and finally reached 180lbs and started to feel like my old self again. I was having drama with my room mate because his girlfriend thought my room mate and I were having an affair. When he left his phone out one time, I read his texts between him and his girlfriend and he said; "I wouldn't go for a girl like Kelly. She's way too fat,". This crushed me. By this time I had lost 145lbs and I was still considered to be 'too fat'.

During the next 6 months, I went running, I rarely ate a treat and smoked like a chimney. The last stretch to the finish line was the hardest but I made it! I made it to 135 lbs. It took nearly two years but I finally made it. My weight has fluctuated over the past 10 years since my initial weight loss. I've gotten up to 160lbs and then down to 120lbs (where I look and feel like a skeleton). My main sources of exercise are walking/jogging and yoga. Almost 8 years ago, I met the love of my life and he finds it so weird that I used to be obese.

There are some down sides. I have A LOT of stretch marks from being obese. Everywhere, on my arms, stomach, thighs, etc. I have some excess skin on my upper arms, thighs, breasts and stomach but doing yoga is really helping to tighten up the skin. Also eating all that crap has probably clogged up my arteries. Sometimes I feel a tightness in my chest and it's hard to breathe and sometimes, but maybe I'm just paranoid, that I feel/hear my heart beating irregularly.

My family body-shames me very often. For the longest time, it was about me being overweight and now, since they're not used to seeing me trim, shame me and call me 'skinny' and 'boney' all the time (even when I'm 10-20 lbs overweight). I'm serious, any comment from my Mum or my sister about my appearance is criticism. When my Dad asked me how much weight I lost, he didn't believe me. He didn't come visit me in Winnipeg and didn't see how big I'd gotten.

Okay, after all that, you probably want to know my secret: I DID NOT DIET. I CHANGED MY LIFESTYLE! Diets work temporarily and people are likely to have their results and then gain all the weight back! I did not do any cleanses. I exercised, cut out empty calories and used major portion control.   I'm currently 1.7 m/5'6" and I weigh 155lbs. The medication I'm on for my mental illness causes weight gain, quitting smoking increases your appetite as well as I have a tummy which I've gotten from drinking too much beer lately. I'm going to keep going on walks and try to eat healthy (sometimes I do fasts but that's for spiritual reasons, not wanting to lose weight from fasting). I know that I'll have to battle my weight my whole life but I will never allow myself to get up to 325lbs again. So that's my story! I hope you enjoyed reading it. My goal is to help someone who is struggling with weight.

[survivorsupport]

My story

I hurt my whole family when I ran away from home, I was being selfish. I was lying to him and to myself. My mistakes begin in my second marriage. I started using, cheating on my husband. I was being selfish. My mom slapped me. I think about hitting her but I know I can’t so I run out the back door. Just being stubborn, I go through the window when he wasn’t there, and take stuff trying to get his attention, and stand outside asking for help.

                When I start getting high I don’t want to answer to anyone. I took my three kids with me into the dope world, being the wrong role model for my sons. They wanted to grow up and sell drugs. Taking and using drugs was destroying myself. My sons were growing up watching this and I didn’t care. All I cared about was getting high.

                I was living with My ex-husband and he was selling weeds. I started smoking weed and blowing the smoke into my kids’ faces’ so they would go to sleep. I would smoke weed until I was stoned. It was the only thing that would take away the pain of being 14 with two babies. My ex-husband was gone all the time. I would feed my baby, burp him, and put him to sleep. I would do nothing but sit there are get high.

                That’s when My ex-husband started beating me. The violence got worse and worse, harder and harder. He would box me until I was black-eyed and bloody. I threatened to leave and I called my mom. He threatened me. Finally I got pregnant with my daughter. He made me have sex with him.

                We moved to Texas on the condition he would marry me. He did not beat me as bad because he knew I had uncles in Texas who would beat him up if he touched me. He beat me while I was pregnant.

                I started doing cocaine with My ex-husband to make money. He worked at a plant all day. I had 2 kids running around. I snorted up the profit! My uncles came over to kill My ex-husband after he beat me for doing cocaine. I left him for real because I had never been beat like that.

                I moved in with my stepsister. I had 2 kids and a coke habit. We turned the house into a coke house. My grandma said “no one will take you with that half white son”.

                I sold drugs out of the house. Crack came around. They told us how to take the baking soda and rock it up. Once I hit that, I didn’t care about anyone else. They could be calling me, screaming my name and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be a mother anymore. I would rock it up, sell it, and buy more.

                I would get child support and food stamps. I said “I don’t want my kids in this house anymore”. I took my kids to my grandmother’s house I did not want her to grow up like that. My grandmother said I had to protect the girls in the family.

                My uncle raped me when I was 5 years old, so my grandmother didn’t protect me. I grew up thinking I was wrong. I grew up not giving a fuck. My sister whooped both of us when she caught us. I thought it was my fault. I didn’t understand until I got grown.

                I remember taking the first hit and gave my kids away, And I did clean up and get them back, But I always brought my daughter to my grandma, so she could grow up and be a great woman. My daughter never forgave me. My sons would hang around, I thought it was okay. But I was wrong. They grew up trying to make fast money.

                I used to have affairs with married men. I had a man who would bring me money every payday, I used to go with a lot of married men. This is one way I would take care of myself. I owe those women and apology. I just wanted money to get high with.

                When I got real sprung on iit, I used to trick for dope. My uses got so big I tripped and fel..

                “you really out here on that stuff bad,” said my friend. He helped me.

                I was top-notch. They would come looking for me. It makes my skin crawl. Men I would walk by and ignore, once I got on drugs they could talk to me and sleep with me. I know they were happy crack came out, they got a chance to sleep with women who would never go out with them.

                I used to steal clothes. Fill up my bag and my girdle and sell clothes to stores. We would have a whole trunk full.

                I worked for circle k. I robbed them. Used to have to drop the money, I just faked it. Quit the next day, made off with $800. It was all on the manager.

                When My son was 16 he was playing hooky from school. He shot this guy, They gave someone the gun to hide and ran. The police came to the house. They said he was under arrest for aggravated assault. $25,000 bond. I called my husband and we got him out. I blame myself for that. My stepsister had a little house where everyone partied. And I went back there are saw my son doing coke. I said “what the fuck!?” What did I expect? They saw me doing it. But it was the worst feeling in the world.

                My son goes to jail, gets out, moves in with me. Moves in a pregnant stripper. He hits her, they are both on drugs. They have my first grandchild. I kicked them out and kept the baby. I got an itchy feeling and started smoking weed. I would sit and rock that baby in front of the TV. I started smoking crack. I called the mom and said “Come get your baby!” She moved in, and I got high in the other room.

                I never stay sober long. At least I have to have a drink. Weed calms me down. It’s the heavier drugs that are the problem.

                My son came and they started back fighting. I couldn’t stand it so I said “get out”. They fought all the time. I was taking my boyfriend’s check and getting high. I’d be somewhere in a traphouse getting high. I spent all his money. I would go into a deep sleep. When I woke up I told him to go borrow money. He would do whatever I said. He had a good job and good credit. I would clean up in between checks, just drink. I lived life the 1st to the 15th. Something in my mind said “don’t do this, we could live better”. I would pay bills and buy groceries. But then I have a drink and think “I need something stronger”. I would wind up spending every dime in my pocket.

                That relationship was just a paycheck, and a roof over my head. I was sleeping with that man and I knew I had HIV. I was 30 something and he was 50 something. I was not in love in that relationship. I lived like that for a couple years. I don’t like taking nobody down with me. Something inside of me always wanted more. When I saw my daughter, I thought “I’m more than this. I can do better”.

                I called my ex and asked him to help me move out of the 3 bedroom home. I moved in with my son, but my husband kept coming up all the time. He knew I was trying to quit, but he knew I could make money. I would sell more than I could use. He was connected with a big drug dealer. I was off and running again.

                The sickness kicked in. I would see stuff and hear stuff. I ended up in a mental house more than once. I thought I could see the future. Then I came home and would sell drugs. I tried not to use them.

                When I was 5 my sister whooped me for having sex. She promised not to tell on me. When I was 11 years old my uncle told my brother to have sex with me. My uncle held my arms while he did it. My sister caught us again, and whooped me. They ran away but I didn’t, so I got beat the most.

                Both parents took turns taking care of me. My father tried to finger me. I tried to play sweet but it hurt. My stepmother yelled for him so he stopped. I did not understand why everywhere I went these boys wanted to do these things. So I left home at 13.

                I met my first husband, and my life began away from home. My family said no one would marry me with two kids that were half white. I swore I would never do drugs. They told me I was so intelligent but I never made it because the men in my family couldn’t keep their hands off of me.

                I used to sneak drinks when I was real angry. I have always medicated myself. I never knew that alcohol was a drug. I needed it just to feel normal. Just to go shopping or do whatever.

                My oldest sister was the mom. My parents were partying. Mom used to take reds. My grandma taught my sister how to cook. My parents would be just in the other room.

                I had a lot of pain inside me and I tried to make the pain go away.

                My grandma said she would call CPS if she couldn’t have kids. My roommate said they would take her kids too. My grandma was getting food stamps and benefits. She would not give the kids back. CPS told me I had to go to a program and clean up just to get the kids back. My sister took care of the kids in the meantime. I would get the boys more than my daughter. I did not want her visiting me in the house. I was still afraid because of what happened to me. I had a hate for men.

                Even when I grew up, I hated men. I couldn’t love them. I feel like my daughter was better off because I kept her away from me. Because it happened to me, I knew that’s what could happen. The first ime I was touched I was 5 years old. Everyone in the house was asleep. He came into my room and got on top of me. He put Vaseline on me and put his weenie in me. He started hollering and white stuff came out. My sister came in and started beating us with a belt.

                I got in the shower and washed off all that Vaseline and cried. The next day my sister rubbed Vaseline on my welts. I yelled for my mama. My sister said I can’t have my mama because she is on pills. I grew up thinking I was dirty and nasty because I didn’t holler at him to stop. My sister said that if grandma found out I would be in trouble.     

                My grandma took me from my mama, and I would cry for my mama. I got whooped a lot. That’s how I knew how my daughter felt. But I still know she is better off because of being with grandma. All I ever wanted was my mama, and I was scarred from it, so I know my daughter is scarred.

                My grandma sent us to California. The next time it happened, I started yelling. My sister came in with a broomstick. She hit me with a broomstick. I stayed in there in the closet and cried. My sister said she would tell Grandma. But she never told her. I wanted Grandma to protect me. At 12 I went to stay with my mama and her man. He came into the room and was sucking on my tiddies. The next day I told my grandma. She told me I would break my mamas heart. My mama didn’t believe me. She moved me back to grandma’s house. I never got to go visit. My grandma say “I know you hurt, but some women will choose a man over their kids”. She told me to be independent and not let a man run all over me.

                I have never been the type to let a man run over me. I have a voice now and I will scream now. You can hurt the people you love when you tell on them.

                When my father did it, I just made sure I wasn’t alone with him anymore. He supported my grandmother and my mother. I would have broken up the family if I told them. I would never be alone with my father. He fingered me, and I pretended to be asleep. I curled into a ball so he couldn’t pull my legs apart. He heard someone walking around in the house and left. I got in the bed with other girls, and told them I was having nightmares.

                My sister didn’t know what it was back then. Some of that stuff might have happened to her and I just never knew about it.

                When I was 14 right before I ran away from home we went with my dad and his girlfriend on a trip. They took me to a hotel and we smoked sherm. They took off my clothes and put me in the bed. She started going down on me and sucking on my tiddies. My dad was trying to have sex with me. She ate me until I was dry and hurting. I hadn’t smoked as much as they did, and I remember everything. They think I didn’t remember. I said “take me home!” He said “don’t tell your mama no lies!” and he bought me a plane ticket. He made up a lie about some shit I did and my mama told me to apologize.

                I was tired of living in their house, playing by their rules. There was no love in that family, they just used me for money. I have been on my own since then.

                I was taking my boyfriend’s check. I would say

                “I’m just gonna spend a little bit,” but then I would spend three days high.

                I knew I needed to pay bills, get gas money, go shopping for food. But when I hit that stuff I became a different person. I heard voices. I thought I was a big-time gangster because I would sell it. I would have people all around me and that made me feel important. And now I’m broke and it’s time to go. I’m coming down, I look a wreck. I don’t want my son or his girl to see me. I promise myself every time that I would stop, but I don’t. Then I do it over again. I think about making the money over, I have already relapsed in my mind. When I didn’t use I would be miserable, get drunk, cuss everyone out. Soon as I get to drinking I crave using.

                I started learning the more I get, the more I wanted. The drug opened weird doors for me. I saw the KKK and illuminati talked to me. I asked “can anyone see this but me?” I was scared for my life, and I ended up in a mental institution.

                I was walking around with a butchers knife in my hand, and they called the police. Then I got out. I started using agaun so I could understand the voices. This was scary. I kept thinking “I gotta quit using”.

                I went coocoo for cocoa puffs while in Lancaster. I was high as a kite on Norco and Xanax. I got a chance to go to school but I was on pills. I heard voices from the TV, so they had me committed again.

                I always have hair done, jewelry, makeup. I got Xanax again, and had a nervous breakdown. I thought people in the trees were trying to kill me. I was taking 5 at a time when I only had to take 1. I asked to come off, and the doctor said okay. They started giving me atavan. But they kept the dosages down down down.

                I have been off Xanax 3 years. I take 1 Norco per day. Generic for Vicodin.

                Finally I have stopped seeing things. The Xanax induced me seeing things and people in trees with guns. I know the illuminati WIFI password. When doctors write you a prescription, I was OD-ing myself. And I was getting cough syrup. When they broke in on me wandering around in my apartment nude, the EMS said that I was crazy.

                I would do my voice in such a way that doctor’s could not recognize me, and then I would get meds.

                The only thing that talks to me is the radio, but that’s okay (radios make noise). I was in Star Trek on the enterprise because of legal pills! When I first got them, they were for anxiety. They were also for pain, after hysterectomy. (I do not have the bow the baby comes in, but I do have a vagina).

                I kept breaking my ankle, and falling under the influence.

                Also, I had a tumor in my uterus. I was bleeding a lot and in constant pain. This doctor was well-known for prescribing pain meds. After they found a tumor during ultrasound, they took out the tumor. My mama saw me bleeding on my period, blood running down my leg. I was on pain meds for the bleeding, I was high and didn’t care. My mom encouraged me to get it checked out.

                I was at Tarzana in Lancaster for Xanax and norcos. I started drinking again. I had dropped out of school, left my apartment because I was too afraid to be alone.

                I moved in with my friend and we were drinking and smoking weed. My liver started failing. They gave me the Hep C medication for my liver, which made me sick. I wanted to get clean, for my liver. I found a program in Reseda. At that point my liver was failing me: I would urinate on myself while drinking. Now I am clear in my liver, not taking the Hep C medicine, and I am over 1 year sober.

                I was in a motel in Palmdale 30 days waiting for Section 8 with El Chapo. I was just going crazy. When I packed up my stuff, I had a bottle of patron. Of course I drank it. Someone from Tarzana came to see me. I was sloppy drunk. I said if I don’t get help soon, I’m going to keep drinking. He said “what if I get you into a program, just until your Section 8 comes in?” I said “ok”.

                I was walking El Chapo and my neighbor offered me weed.

                Then my mental kicked in. The dog and the TV was talking to me! I locked Chapo in the bathroom. Then I let him out, and I rocked him until I was in my right mind.

                From Palmdale I did another 30 days in Lancaster. I found a foster care for El Chapo, and went to my sister’s for 1 week. The foster mom wanted him neutered! I paid a girl to take me up there right away!

                All the girls in the house wrote a letter saying they wanted Chapo in the house. We him in the meantime. Then I saw the doctor and met with Truett, who let me have the dog.

                I did not want to do 2 groups a day. They wanted me to switch doctors! I kept saying “I’m just here for my Section 8!” But I thought about how weed made me feel crazy. Other girls told me they were as crazy as me on drugs. They stood up there and talked about stuff that I had done and never told anyone about.

                I want a job, a career. I want people to know you can be raped as a child and stay clean. I have been clear for a year and three months. When I worked the first step, it was real and I believed it. When I worked the second step I had a spiritual awakening.

                When I told the story about my dad, it crushed me. It tore something inside of me. I’m going to heal now, and take it one step at a time.

                My goal is to be executive secretary, to have my own place, a car, and El Chapo.

                Now that I’m sober, me and my daughter are best friends. She gave me my 1 year cake and posted on Instagram. My sister Jackie couldn’t make it, but she was so proud of me! I put them through torture when I was drinking. I can tell them I love them now, have a decent conversation. My mind isn’t jumbled anymore.

                My sons are in Texas, but we talk on the phone. They see me on facebook and tell me I look like I am getting younger. I am in love with Misty today, and I am going to take her all the way!

  Grandchildren

I have six by my oldest son. Two by my baby boy. I have been to Texas to see them, too. I was in Texas three years ago, but I stay in touch by Facebook.

All the cousins know each other. None of them ever met my grandmother. They all know my sister! My son flew down with My son Jr. for Grandma’s funeral and stayed at my sister’s house.

[your-dietician]

Previewing All 16 Manic Monday Matchups at Wimbledon

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/tennis/previewing-all-16-manic-monday-matchups-at-wimbledon/

Previewing All 16 Manic Monday Matchups at Wimbledon

By Chris Oddo | @TheFanChild | Sunday July 4, 2021

  It’s the wildest day in Grand Slam tennis. 16 round of 16 matches, and we’ve previewed them all.

Photo Source: Getty

With the first week of Wimbledon in the rearview mirror, we look ahead to a crackin’ manic Monday at the Championships. The best day in tennis—16 Grand Slam matches, all on one day, spread out across the grounds of the All England Club. How lovely is that?

Also Read: Wimbledon, Manic Monday, Order of Play Also Read: Wimbledon, Week 1, By the Numbers

Without any further ado, let’s have a look at each of the matchups, starting with Centre Court:

[1] Novak Djokovic v [17] Cristian Garin Head to Head: Djokovic leads, 1-0 Key stat: Djokovic has won 17 consecutive matches at the Grand Slams, and at Wimbledon

The Skinny: Hard to imagine Garin, who entered Wimbledon with an 0-3 record at Wimbledon, making any headway against the World No.1. Djokovic dropped his first set of the tournament but since then he has mostly been dominant. The Serb has faced just seven break points through three rounds, and he has broken serve 14 times in 33 return games.

It’s been a great run for Garin, but he has won just 45 percent of his baseline points through three rounds, while Djokovic has won 57 percent of his.

[20] Coco Gauff v [25] Angelique Kerber Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Gauff leads all remaining women in serve speed, and percentage of unreturned first serves and second serves, through three rounds.

The Skinny: This should be an incredible first-time meeting. Suddenly surging Kerber, the 2018 Wimbledon champion, has won eight straight matches on the grass. She’s come to life since taking the court in Bad Homburg, where she won the title on home soil (her first WTA title since 2018).

Meanwhile, Gauff has backed up her 2019 breakout performance (remember Cocomania? It’s back!) brilliantly, with one of the best serving weeks of her life. At 17, Gauff could be ready to take down a Wimbledon force, but Kerber will have the edge from the baseline—the trick for the German will be to get returns in play and make Gauff work.

[6] Roger Federer v [17] Lorenzo Sonego Head to Head: Federer leads, 1-0 Key stat: Sonego had never won a match at Wimbledon prior to this week

The Skinny: Roger Federer—he of the eight Wimbledon titles and gaudy 104-13 record at SW19—will take on a rising Italian that could potentially give him trouble, despite his lack of experience on the grass: Lorenzo Sonego. The key to the match will be Federer’s ability to clean up on serve. The Swiss has been broken just four times thus far at Wimbledon and he’ll need to hit his spots because Sonego will serve big and dictate from his end.

If Sonego plays free, with confidence, and embraces the Centre Court experience, we could be in for a close battle.

No.1 Court

[1] Ashleigh Barty v [14] Barbora Krejcikova Head to Head:  Barty leads, 1-0 Key stat: Krejcikova, the Roland Garros champion, stretched her Grand Slam winning streak to 15 on Saturday at Wimbledon.

The Skinny: Ash Barty is in her happy place, on the Wimbledon grass, sporting a Fila kit modelled after the one her idol and inspiration Evonne Goolagong wore while storming to the Wimbledon title 50 years ago. And she’s played herself into the tournament quite nicely. Barty dropped a set to Carla Suarez Navarro in her opener, but has controlled her last two opponents—Anna Blinkova and Katerina Siniakova—without needing to pull out her best tennis.

Krejcikova’s week one played out similarly. She dropped a set in her third-round match, and has actually committed more unforced errors (98) than winners (88) through three rounds. But she’s found ways to win, just like Barty. Now we get to see which one of these two former Roland Garros champions has the gumption to beat back the pressure and handle a world-class opponent on Monday—expect a crafty, nuanced battle, with rough patches and elevated tennis juxtaposed.

[4] Alexander Zverev v [16] Felix Auger-Aliassime Head to Head: Zverev leads, 3-0 Key stat: Both players are searching for their first Wimbledon quarter-final.

The Skinny: Zverev has a lot more experience in week two matches at majors, and he’ll look to put that to use against Auger-Aliassime, who can be prone to nerves and has never reached a Grand Slam quarterfinal.

There is also the fact that Zverev has won all six sets he has played against Auger-Aliassime, dropping just 15 games in the three previous meetings.

[WC] Emma Raducanu v Ajla Tomljanovic Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: At 338, Raducanu is the lowest-ranked player remaining in Wimbledon singles.

The Skinny: Welcome to the only all unseeded battle of Wimbledon’s round of 16. 18-year-old Brit Emma Raducanu has captivated the public by sweeping through three rounds in her first tour-level appearance, and she’s been given a nice draw as well—Tomljanovic, a hard-hitting first-strike artist, is playing her first Wimbledon round of 16, and is into the second week at a Slam for the first time since 2014. It will be a nervous affair for both, and the crowd on No.1 Court will certainly play a factor.

No. 2 Court

[7] Iga Swiatek v [21] Ons Jabeur Head to Head: Swiatek leads, 1-0 Key stat: Swiatek leads all players, male or female, in percentage of baseline points won, at 60 percent.

The Skinny: Of all the round of 16 matchups on Monday, this one could be the most intriguing. Swiatek has proven to be a steady force at the Slams, and she has been dominant in her three rounds at Wimbledon. She seems to have a clear picture of how she wants to play on the grass, and is growing very confident in her aggressive tactics.

But if there is a player with the potential to take her out of her comfort zone, it would be Jabeur, who has been able to keep her opponents on a string with a steady array of drop shots, slice and improv. Jabeur has won 36 of 47 points at net through three rounds, while Swiatek has made the trip to the net just 15 times.

But Swiatek’s confident handling of her serve might be the element that guides her through. She has held in 23 of 25 service games, and is winning 57 percent of second-serve points.

[5] Andrey Rublev v Fucsovics Head to Head: Rublev leads, 4-1 Key stat: Rublev has defeated Fucsovics four straight times.

The Skinny: Of course, they meet again! We had to expect this matchup the minute that Fucsovics told Rublev, on court in Dubai after losing to him in the quarter-finals this March, that he hoped he didn’t see him again in 2021. The very next week they met in Miami, and here they are again for a fifth meeting since last October.

Rublev has been under the radar at Wimbledon, but boy has he been good. The improvements he has made on serve will give him a significant advantage against Fucsovics, as it will allow him to strike first.

[2] Daniil Medvedev v [14] Hubert Hurkacz Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Hurkacz is the only player remaining in the draw that has yet to have his serve broken.

The Skinny: Hubert Hurkacz won his first Masters title at Miami this spring, but he limped into Wimbledon on a six-match losing streak. He went 0 for the clay but the change of surface has suited the Pole well—he’s into the round of 16 without dropping a set.

But Medvedev is growing in confidence, thanks to his quarterfinal run at Roland-Garros, where he reached the quarter-finals, and his epic comeback against former Wimbledon finalist Marin Cilic on Day 6 (Medvedev’s first such comeback). The Russian was down two sets to love but refused to wilt. Now he has his eyes on a deep run.

Court 3

[2] Aryna Sabalenka v [18] Elena Rybakina Head to Head: Sabalenks leads, 2-0 Key stat: Sabalenka is the only Top-20 seed at Wimbledon that has yet to reach a Grand Slam quarterfinal.

The Skinny: Here we go again. For the second time in three majors in 2021, Aryna Sabalenka has reached the round of 16. In her 15th major appearance, the talented Belarusian will attempt to finally reach the last eight at a major. She has weathered a few storms to get through, easing past crafty Monica Niculescu in round one, then beating back a stern challenge against Katie Boulter—where she lost the opening set and fought like mad to win the second—to get to week two.

On the other side of the net? A juggernaut known as Elena Rybakina. All she has done on her Wimbledon debut is crush everything in her path. She has lost 17 games through three rounds and will be ready to pounce on Sabalenka if nerves sabotage the Belarusian’s game. Rybakina has dropped serve just once in 21 service games at Wimbledon thus far this year.

Buckle in—this match will feature some hardcore grass-court power tennis.

[8] Roberto Bautista Agut v [10] Denis Shapovalov Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Shapovalov is the 2016 Boys’ Singles champion at Wimbledon.

The Skinny: Should be a bit of a battle for control in this contest. Shapovalov will look to get on the front foot in rallies and avoid playing too many grinding points with Bautista Agut. The Spaniard, in return, will look to do the opposite.

The imperative in this match will be Shapovalov’s serve plus one and his ability to hit winners when he needs them. Otherwise he’ll be forced into a battle that he may not be able to win against the cagey veteran. The Canadian can win this match, but he’ll only do so on his terms.

Court 12

[7] Matteo Berrettini v Ilya Ivashka Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Berrettini has won eight straight on grass in 2021.

The Skinny: The Italian is looking like a future Wimbledon champion this year at SW19. And it’s all about holding serve. Berrettini, the Queen’s champion, has held serve in 47 of 48 service games and cracked the fastest serve of the tournament at 139. He’ll be a handful for anyone he faces, and especially a Wimbledon debutant like Ivashka.

That said, the Belarusian has been so impressive at Wimbledon through three matches—and he has a big game as well. But Berrettini’s edge in the serve and forehand should pull him through.

[8] Karolina Pliskova v [WC] Liudmila Samsonova Head to Head: First meetings Key stat: Samsonova has reeled off eight straight wins on grass.

The Skinny:  Speaking of stunning Wimbledon debuts, how about Russia’s Liudmila Samsonov, who took the Berlin grass-court title in June with wins over Marketa Vondrousova, Veronika Kudermetova, Madison Keys, Victoria Azarenka and Belinda Bencic. She’s continued to dominate on the Wimbledon grass, even if she needed three sets, twice.

Wins over Kaia Kanepi, Jessica Pegula and Sloane Stephens are further proof that the Russian is for real—especially on the fast-playing grass. The fact that she averages over 111 on her first serve—topping out at 121—really helps her organize her aggressive game.

Pliskova’s average first serve is seven MPH lower than Samsonova’s but the Czech has only been broken twice and has yet to drop a set. We could have a case of Karolina Pliskova peaking at the right time for the first time in a while at a Slam.

[30] Paula Badosa v [19] Karolina Muchova Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Muchova reached the quarterfinals on her last Wimbledon appearance.

The Skinny:  As far as experience on the surface goes, the matchup favors Muchova, who reached the last eight on her debut last Wimbledon, and seems to have a game that is built for grass-court tennis. But full credit to Badosa, who entered Wimbledon without an 0-1 lifetime record, but found a way to power through three hard-fought victories to reach the round of 16.

Have to think Muchova is the favorite here, but Badosa, a quarterfinalist at Roland-Garros this year, has proven to be a resilient force on tour in 2021.

Court 18

[25] Karen Khachanov v Sebastian Korda Head to Head: First meeting Key stat: Korda was ranked 213 when he entered Roland Garros last autumn.

The Skinny: All eyes will be on 20-year-old Sebastian Korda, the world No.50, as he continues on his latest impressive run at the Slams. Korda become the first player 35 years to reach the second week at both Roland Garros and Wimbledon on his debut (only Bjorn Borg and Mikael Pernfors have done it in the Open Era) and he leads the tournament in forehand winners with 58.

He’ll go against a suddenly resurgent Karen Khachanov, who entered the week with a 16-14 record for 2021, but has been pretty dominant through three rounds. Grass suits Khachanov well—he’s 10-3 lifetime at Wimbledon—and he’s one of the few guys that can match power from the baseline with Korda.

[23] Madison Keys v Viktorija Golubic Head to Head: Tied, 1-1 Key stat: Keys is 18-7 lifetime at Wimbledon

The Skinny:  Madison Keys seems to be finding her strut after a challenging six months that saw her struggle to get matches under her belt and find her form. But Wimbledon—and any Slam for that matter—always seems to bring out the best in Keys. She’s firing on all cylinders and will look to overpower Golubic as she bids to reach her second Wimbledon quarterfinal and first since 2015.

For Golubic the challenge is simple: find ways to get Keys out of rhythm and make her miss. Easier said than done on this surface.

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[riluu]

Baby ignis asks Regis to marry noctis and he never lets them live it down

((This is an AU, so I’ve taken liberties and thrown out the canon plot for the sake of NOTHING BUT A GIANT PILE OF FLUFF. Seriously, it’s too fluffy. This is ridiculous.))

It wasn’t often that Regis had a seven year old demanding to meet with him. In fact, he could safely say this was the first time that it had happened; even the Crownsguard at the doors looked amused as Ignis Scientia stepped into the room and strode up to face the throne with purpose, and a quick bow.

“Ignis,” Regis said, no lack of fondness to his tone. “I’ve been informed that you demanded an official audience with me. Might I ask why?”

It was impressive enough that the young advisor in training had known which form he needed to file to request a formal audience with the king. Even more impressive that he’d filled it out and filed it with the Crownsguard himself. Regis couldn’t deny he was curious as the child drew himself up to his full height, trying to appear as if he was prepared for a battle of wits.

“His Highness said that you met with the Duchess of Shieldguard yesterday to discuss treaties,” Ignis said, words obviously rehearsed, carefully chosen and said with articulate care. “He heard rumors that this treaty might include an arranged marriage with the Duchess’ youngest daughter.”

Regis raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” he said, feigning ignorance. The meeting had included no such marriage talks, but he wasn’t going to come out and say that right away. He was curious as to what Ignis could possibly have to say about such a thing.

“I would simply like to say that, if such an arrangement is being planned…he doesn’t want to marry her,” Ignis continued, that statement a little weaker before he lifted his chin and crossed his arms across his chest. “I’ll marry him instead. So there won’t be any need for him to marry her.”

One of the Crownsguard almost lost it, but managed to turn their choked laugh into a cough. Regis, meanwhile, was barely holding back a grin.

“Are you asking for my son’s hand in marriage, then?”

“Well, obviously not yet. I’m simply saying- he won’t be marrying anyone against his will. I’ll marry him so he doesn’t have to.”

Regis chuckled and shook his head; oh, to be so young and naïve again. But it was an excellent reminder of just how devoted Ignis had become to his charge. It was heartwarming to watch, truly, as Noctis came out of his shell and finally made a friend, even if said friend was technically his ‘employee’.

“I assure you, Ignis, that no such plans have been made. And if we ever do intend to arrange such a thing, you’ll be the first to know,” he said with a kind smile and a warm, fond feeling in his chest for this brave boy. “Will that be all, then?”

Ignis blinked in surprise; obviously he’d expected more of a verbal fight than that, but he recovered quickly, to his credit. “Yes, Your Majesty. That…that was all. I should get back to my duties.”

Regis waved him on, and Ignis bowed stiffly before making his way out of the throne room. Luckily, the two Crownsguard by the door managed to hold it together until the boy was out of earshot, but Regis could forgive them for laughing as soon as it was safe to do so.

“He never reads the counsel notes I take for him. He doesn’t finish his homework on time. He has no motivation to eat any of the healthy meals prepared for him. With all due respect, Your Majesty, I don’t know what more you expect me to do.”

Noctis shot Ignis a glare; at 14 and 16, they were both going through equally stubborn teenage phases. Hence why Regis was trying to play mediator, after hearing that they’d been having an ongoing squabble.

“If he wasn’t such a perfectionist, then maybe I’d be able to get more done,” Noctis snapped right back, crossing his arms defiantly. “Whatever I do is never good enough!”

“I won’t have you half-assing your responsibilities. You need to learn some sense of decorum and pride in how you care for yourself and your duties,” Ignis said in return, and Regis held up a hand.

“A moment, you two,” he said, his voice as calm as ever. “Ignis; our young prince is under a lot of stress at the moment. Perhaps we could schedule a couple of evenings off each week to allow time for him to unwind. And in return, Noctis will make more of an effort to focus on his studies on the other days. Can I trust you two to work that out?”

Neither boy looking particularly satisfied, but it seemed they’d gotten the worst of the argument out of their systems. Noctis nodded stiffly, and Ignis sighed.

“Of course, Your Majesty. I apologize that this went so far as to get back to you.”

Noctis rolled his eyes. “Can we send a royal expedition to remove the stick from my advisor’s ass?” he asked, and Regis gave Noctis an amused look.

“Is that any way to talk about your fiancé?”

It was worth the sputtering and blushing from both parties, even if it didn’t particularly help matters.

Dad (3:42 p.m.): I saw on the news that your girlfriend broke up with you.Dad (3:42 p.m.): My condolences.

Noct (3:45 p.m.): astrals, does everyone know now?

Dad (3:45 p.m.): I would assume so, since it’s the top headline on Insomnia Times website.

Noct (3:46 p.m.): see, this was why she broke up with meNoct (3:46 p.m.): we couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without cameras in our facesNoct (3:47 p.m.): it’s really fucking annoying

Dad (3:48 p.m.): Well, it’s something your significant other will have to put up with. Consider it a trial by fire, I suppose.Dad (3:48 p.m.): But I must ask, why were you dating her?

Noct (3:50 p.m.): um, cause I liked her? what do you mean why?

Dad (3:50 p.m.): Seems rather rude, to be dating someone when you’re already engaged.

Noct (3:50 p.m.) OMFG DAD HE WAS SEVENNoct (3:51 p.m.): i can’t believe you still even remember thatNoct (3:51 p.m.): i’m not talking to you anymore

Dad (3:52 p.m.): Rude. How am I to get the guest list together if you’re not going to tell me who to put on it?

Noct (3:52 p.m.):  凸(-_-)凸

Noctis was despondent. Regis could tell that much for one reason; rather than Ignis telling the king that his son needed his attention, it was Noctis himself who asked if his father had an afternoon to spare to meet him in the gardens. And of course, Regis would always make time for his son whenever he could.

Noctis was sitting on a bench in front of a stunning row of flowering bushes, the white flowers a stark contrast to the dark hair and clothes of the figure on the bench. Noctis was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, a frown furrowing his brow. He didn’t even look up as Regis made his way over, sat down, and set his cane against the side of the bench.

“Well…it must be bad indeed, if you asked for my aid,” he teased in a soft, gentle tone after a few long moments of silence. Noctis snorted and shook his head, but didn’t say anything at first; Regis merely gave him the time he needed, ready to listen when Noctis was ready to speak.

“Has…has there ever been a king or queen who didn’t produce an heir? Didn’t want to?” he asked, and Regis bit back a sigh. Of course; he’d had the feeling this was coming.

“Of course,” he said, thinking back to the long history of the Lucian kings that he’d set to memory. “It’s never an easy decision, nor a popular one. But, for various reasons over the centuries, there have been times when…the line of succession had to take a bit of a jog.”

Noctis looked up, but only for a moment. Every part of him was still except his right hand, which was fiddling with the hem of the glove on his left hand. “And…have there been kings and queens who decided to…be with someone of the same sex?” he asked, the words hushed, almost shamed. Regis felt a pang of sharp sympathy for his son, this troubled, caring young man with the weight of a kingdom on his shoulders.

“Yes. Though I imagine that it would be easier for today’s populace to handle, given how far things have come.”

Noctis swallowed hard, his throat bobbing with the motion, and he finally looked up at his father. “You wouldn’t be ashamed of me?”

“I could never be ashamed of you for who you choose to love, Noctis. I will always support you in that, whatever you decide, and we will adjust the royal line of succession as necessary to ensure that you’re accommodated for that,” Regis said without a single beat of hesitation. “It will not be easy. The media will be like sharks in bloody waters. You will need to be the strongest you’ve ever been, even with my own strength behind you- and so will whoever you choose to stand by your side.”

Silence fell again, and Noctis nodded once, sniffling a little. “Thanks, dad,” he said, and then he paused again, staring down at the cobblestone path. When he spoke again, it was almost too soft to be heard. “I…I think I’m in love with Ignis.”

Regis snorted. “Well, I should hope so. You’ve been engaged for ten years now.”

And okay, Regis probably deserved the smack on the shoulder he got for that one, but he’d never claimed to have well timed jokes.

The wedding wasn’t an extravagant affair; Noctis would have hated that. Of course, it had to be elegant and well put together, and the guest list was still too long for the grooms’ liking, but they managed to make it work. Through the whole ceremony, the only hiccup came when Prompto got in too close with his camera and nearly tripped Noctis right into the officiant.

But it was perfect, either way. Both Noctis and Ignis were sharply dressed in simple suits, and they managed to get through their vows with only the slightest bit of stammering on Noctis’ part and one cringingly bad pun from Ignis.

Now Regis was watching them have their first dance, and he couldn’t have been prouder of his son. They’d survived the media frenzy when they first made their relationship public, and again when they announced the engagement and the wedding, and they’d come out the other side stronger for it.

Regis smiled as he watched Ignis lean in and whisper something in Noctis’ ear as they swayed in time to the music, and Noctis laughed, looking happier than he’d seemed to be in years. Clarus, sitting beside him, shook his head and laughed.

“Who would have thought? A prince and his advisor,” the man said. “This will be one for the history books.”

Regis smirked, just a little. “Oh, I had a hunch this might happen. Call it fatherly intuition.”